#if there's typos... i have not slept since 3am

[circusmothman]

~*~ Daddy played piano Played it very well Music from those hands could Catch you like a spell He could make you love him 'Fore the tune was done You have your daddy's hands You are your daddy's son "Your Daddy's Son" - Audra McDonald ~*~

I have many, many feelings about this drawing and the story behind it, as well as this song that seamlessly fit into it. I happened upon it purely by chance and it has been rotting my brain for about a week now, mostly because it works so well for the perspective of Atrax's mother, Adelaide.

To finally divulge a little bit of his history, Atrax was the firstborn prince to a kingdom called Cania, yet his birthright was denied to him due to him being the result of an affair. His mother was the ruling queen, Adelaide, and his father was the king's younger brother, Sigismund. The two had truly loved each other, but that love would lead to a swift tragedy due to the ruthlessness of Cania's king, Vsevolod. Sigismund was executed for the betrayal, and Adelaide only just managed to plead mercy for their son, but while Atrax was allowed to live, his life was anything but merciful. Vsevolod was cruel and went out of his way to punish Atrax for merely existing, keeping the young prince locked away as they lied to the public that he had perished due to his poor health. Meanwhile Adelaide was not allowed to interact with him at all and could not even bear the sight of him the few times they did meet, being overcome with guilt, depression and shame. She might have initially saved his life, but she abandoned him to his uncle's cruelty, unable to handle her own role in his fate. Atrax grew up without a single positive influence in his life and countless failed attempts to earn his parents' affection, damaging him deeper and deeper until he finally ran away at the age of 14.

And sadly things only got worse from then on, but this is as far as I will take it.

The song perfectly portrays Adelaide's grief and guilt over Atrax's fate and her role in all of it. Sigismund was a charismatic and beloved man, and Atrax was the spitting image of his father. Both sweet and gentle souls, it was clear that Atrax would have been just as beloved, but instead he was used, abused and crushed until none of that was left and he grew into a vicious adult who was both desired and detested for who he is. It is the song of his parents' love, his father's execution, his mother's abandonment, and the tragic fate of an innocent child whose only crime was being born, his only crime was that he was his father's son.

[rjalker]

@emberwritesinsight yeah it’s pretty common for my dreams, lol. 

I don’t know about other people, since I know a lot of people can’t remember their dreams (and everyone acts like it’s impossible to read within dreams but like, that’s absolutely not true I’ve read a bunch of stuff) but it probably helps that I taught myself to lucid dream when I was a kid. 

And sometimes I just straight up forget to write them down. Or I only remember right as I’m going back to sleep the next day and just end up making a quick post at 3am that reads “ 5he duxe cdon fge nummy horror movie fsbda sacg haha we win” which in non-typo speak translates to “the dude from the Mummy, horror movie, genre savy, haha we win”

Which summarizes the dream from like the day before yesterday that I had where me and some people were on a road trip and trees kept falling across the road to block our path out of some small town that was obviously haunted and we were all genre savy so we’re like no fucking way are we spending the night here and more stuff just kept happening because the dream/universe was trying to corrall us into sleeping in one specific house and we were just NOT having any of it and the unvierse kept getting more and more insistent until it finally had to force the car to drive itself to this specific house it wanted us to sleep in so we could get murdered but we were all like “yeah we’re not going in there we’d get murdered” so we locked the doors on the car and just stayed in the car and I crawled into the driver’s seat to look out the window at the house to try and see what would attack us if we went in, because, like looking in the water in Skyrim at a certain angle, if you looked at the house from a specific, tiny angle, you could see through the walls.

So I managed to find the angle after a few minutes of trial and error and lo and behold. The dude from the Mummy was standing just inside the doorway, inside the wall, waiting for the door to be opened and for one of us to cross the threshhold for his quest behavior to be triggered.

We slept in the car, and left without hassle in the morning.

https://rjalker.tumblr.com/tagged/rjalker-has-weird-dreams in case anyone wants to read the hilarity of my dreams.

[blopazchoni]

“Now and Every Day to Come” : what really went down after 2x17

(what i imagine happened after 2x17,, sorry for typos in advance)

Her body trembling from the cold, fear and adrenaline, Cheryl laid across the back seats of Kevin’s car, her head resting on Toni’s thighs. Topaz’s fingers traced over her leather jacket that was wrapped around the redhead’s chest as another layer of warmth. She used her other hand to gently stroke Cheryl’s cheek, trying to be as comforting as she could be.

“So, uh,” Kevin began. “Am I stopping here or —“ He continued hesitantly. Toni snapped out of her trance and peered out of the window.

“Yeah, here’s fine. Thank you, Kevin, for everything.” The Serpent mumbled sincerely in response, gaining a half-hearted smile and nod from the male in return as the car came to a gradual halt. “Cheryl,” She whispered, as she slowly started to move her legs, signalling for the Blossom to sit up. ”Cheryl, we’re here.”

Cheryl gradually pushed herself upright and Toni opened the car door, only to see Sweet Pea jogging over to them. “What’s happened? Are you okay?” He mumbled in concern as his eyes scanned his female friend’s face for bruises, which was a habit for when she arrived back so late, whilst she climbed out of the truck.

“I’m fine. It’s Cheryl.” Toni reassured the tall male. “I’ll explain later. Help me get her to my Grandpa’s trailer.” At the same time, as if by instinct, the two Serpent’s held a hand out towards the redhead, who looked utterly traumatised and dazed. Cheryl cautiously clambered out of the truck, her hand tightly grasping on to Toni’s as it had been ever since she had been rescued. With a Serpent either side of her, the Blossom slowly made her way along the stoned path towards a rusting trailer in the corner of the community.

“You all good from here? Need me to keep watch for a while?” The male offered once they reached the trailer door.

“No, it’s fine, Sweets. You can go. Thanks for the help.” Toni responded with a half-smile as she used her free hand to unlock the door and flick on the lights. Sweet Pea agreed and insisted that Topaz texted if she needed anything before marching back towards his own trailer.

With one arm around Cheryl’s waist, Toni used her foot to close the door behind them and guided the Blossom towards the couch. Cheryl’s grip upon Toni’s body loosened so she could sit down where she was being encouraged to whilst Topaz crouched down at Cheryl’s feet to place a blanket over the redhead’s legs. As she did so, their gazes met. The dark orbs of the Blossom glinted with moisture as tears rimmed her eyes, yet refused to fall.

“Cheryl…” Toni mumbled softly, raising her hand to the other girl’s cheek, her eyes innocently wandering across the redhead’s features. At the gentle touch of the one person she cared for, tears avalanched down Cheryl’s face, finally giving in to the trauma she had experienced. Before she knew it, her body was shuddering with sobs in the arms of the pink-haired girl in front of her. “It’s okay,” Topaz whispered into the red locks of hair beneath her chin, slowly rocking with the girl in her arms like her mother used to do with her when she was a child, “You’re safe here.”

After several minutes of very much overdue, inconsolable crying, Cheryl eventually pulled out of the embrace and looked down at the female beneath her. She still hadn’t spoken a word since they had left the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. She didn’t know what to say.

Toni stood upright and threw her jacket over the back of a chair. “My grandpa’s out of town this weekend so he won’t be back tonight. You can have his bed if you want. I can change the sheets,” She suggested, peering down at Cheryl who was watching her every move. “I’ll even spray the room so it doesn’t smell like old men.” She attempted to lighten the mood, which did lift the corner’s of the redhead’s lips, sparking a warmth of achievement inside her.

Getting a nod in response, Toni did as she said she would; changing the sheets and spraying some of her old fragrance into the air to make the room feel cosier. She would have given up her bed, except she slept on the sofa so that would’ve been tricky. When she returned, Cheryl was upstanding and looking at the frames on the walls. In particular, she was looking at a photo of Toni, and a man that she presumed to be her grandfather, standing either side of a motorcycle. Toni smiled at the sight. “Grandpa saved up for years to afford that bike, only to give it to me.” The Serpent mumbled in a tone of gratitude, gazing at Cheryl, who turned around to face Toni with a look of adoration.

She adored Toni. She adored her modesty. She adored that she came after her. She adored that she adored her Grandpa. She adored that she cared so much for her. She adored her entirely.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Topaz broke the silence and held her hand out for the Blossom to grab, which she did. Toni led Cheryl into the bathroom and began running the shower.  “I’ll be just outside —“

“No.” Cheryl interrupted, grasping on to Toni’s arm. “Please, stay.” She muttered with such vulnerability that it made Toni’s heart stop. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Topaz nodded in agreement and pushed the bathroom door shut. As she helped Cheryl undress, the pair exchanged no words - the only noise being the water slapping against the tiles. When the redhead was down to just her underwear, the room was filled with steam from the heat of the shower. Despite anticipating Cheryl’s naked body for weeks now, and craving it for the past few days more than anything, Toni felt no desire to do the things she had envisaged doing. Instead, as she unclipped the other girl’s bra and pushed down her panties, keeping her eyes up and placing her hands on Cheryl’s hips to guide her into the shower. As the warm water splashed against her skin, Cheryl’s chin lifted and her eyes squeezed tightly shut, enjoying the feeling of getting clean. Before she knew it, she felt a soft sensation upon her stomach. She glanced down to see that Toni was gliding a bar of soap over her curves, focusing on the black smears of dirt that covered her skin. The pink-haired girl wasn’t even in the shower with her - she was still fully dressed, standing outside of the shower - yet she was still helping by caressing the pale Blossom’s skin with the soap bar.

Could Cheryl adore her any more?

The two girls locked eyes as Toni swapped the soap for shampoo. She stretched up towards the water-logged red hair, admittedly standing on her tip-toes so she could reach, and began massaging Cheryl’s scalp. From pleasure, Cheryl’s eyes rolled shut as she turned to face the wall so that the Serpent could wash the back. They washed away the new set of bubbles and repeated the same process for the conditioner. Once they had finished, Toni leant past Cheryl and switched off the water, plunging the pair back into a comfortable silence. Cheryl stepped out and wrapped herself in the towel that was being offered to her, her wet hair falling over her shoulders, as she stood opposite the Serpent, their faces becoming tantalisingly close. They both investigated the other’s eyes for a few short seconds before a kiss was initiated by Cheryl, whose face was cupped by Toni. Their lips moved together at a gentle pace for a while, both knowing that there was nowhere that they’d rather be than with each other, until they both pulled away with half-smiles.

With interlocked fingers once more, Toni led Cheryl out of the bathroom towards a set of drawers beside the couch that held all of her clothes. She opened up the bottom drawer, which held her shirts, and pulled out a folded over-sized grey shirt. She opened up another drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of underwear. “Is this okay? You know, just for you to sleep in for tonight?”

“More than okay,” Cheryl responded with a smile, a small dimple forming on her cheek that made Toni want to squirm. After a pause, she added quietly, “Thank you, Toni. If you hadn’t have rescued —“

“But we did, and that’s all that matters, okay?” Toni intervened, stepping toward the redhead with an encouraging smile. She didn’t want Cheryl to finish what she was going to say. She didn’t want her to have to imagine what those sadistic nuns would have done to her if she hadn’t have been rescued. “You’re here and you’re with me.”

The Blossom girl nodded with a smile.

Cheryl adored her more every second.

*********

It was a few hours later. The pair had snacked on some Mac n Cheese and salted popcorn before sitting down together on the couch. Cheryl was in almost exactly the same position as she had been in inside Kevin’s truck; her body was sprawled across the sofa with her head upon Toni’s lap, where her hair was being played with endlessly by the pink-haired Serpent. Glancing up at the clock, Toni saw that it was well past 3am. No wonder she was exhausted. Topaz wrapped her arms around the sleeping body beneath her and gently lifted it up, with surprising strength, causing Cheryl’s eyes to open. “You fell asleep. I’m just going to take you to the bed.” She was instantly reassured as Toni, who was holding most of the redhead’s weight, led Cheryl into her Grandpa’s room. She pulled back the blankets she had laid out and bent down, allowing Cheryl to roll on to the mattress before covering her back up with the sheets.

“Where do you sleep? I’ve only seen one room,” the sleepy Blossom grumbled, blinking open her eyes.

“Uh,” Toni began almost ashamedly, “the couch, usually. There’s only one room so I let Grandpa — “

“Stay.” Cheryl insisted. “Sleep in a bed for once.” She added with a hint of the Bombshell tone that she used in public, causing Toni to laugh a little.

“Fine.” She obliged after some hesitation, slipping under the sheets alongside the redhead, turning on to her side so the pair were face to face. “I’ll stay.”

The teenagers laid inches apart in silence until Cheryl reached out her hand to Toni’s and spoke softly.

“I don’t want to ever be without you.” She admitted quietly.

Toni knew that Cheryl had not allowed herself to be that vulnerable to anyone for God knows how long. She raised Cheryl’s hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“I’m here.” The Serpent added. “Now and every day to come.”

[zormikea]

Late summer 2017. Nt brings me to Spain.

The ride there wasn’t very eventful, but it was nice. We had a plane booked for 1pm instead of the usual 3am for once, slept till it was bright outside and left Nt’s apartment on solid legs. The weather was great, the plane was spacious, the bus we boarded after landing was also pretty comfortable.

Then we arrived to our hotel and funny stuff began.

It started with a room that contained three beds instead of two, all of them one person sized and standing wide apart. We quickly decided to move two closest beds together and left the third to our mutual imaginary friend Valera who’s a pretty decent guy when you get to know him better and- I know how that sounds, shut up. Once we got settled, we went to scout the area for supermarkets because the hotel didn’t provide its habitants with free water and we needed it real bad to survive the heat. Actually, I think the temperature might have been a little too rough on Nt because he somehow managed to buy the same bottle of flavored water twice (paying for it in two different stores) and then left his jacket outside our room (I honestly find it endearing because he’s not someone who fucks up often, and when he does he makes that ‘I’m renouncing myself’ face and it’s super cute).

Anyway, first day went okay, and then the next morning came and we went to the beach ­– and I have to say that the beach we chose is utterly amazing, it’s located away from the main area, hidden among giant stones and cacti that grow everywhere, and basically you won’t be able to find it unless you’re deliberately looking for it, which means few people marring good times. We chose a comfortable spot and lay down there… and ended up burning ourselves so bad we really felt it the following morning. For nearly half a week the closest we came to touching were those awkward hug-pat attempts that unavoidably ended with one of us (or both) cringing in pain and hastily retreating.

(While I’m at the beach part, I might as well mention the honorable moment when Nt encountered a ginger cat chilling on the sand and was very merry about it coming to visit us from time to time. Much, much later we learned that it simply saw the beach as one big litter box and used it when it deemed necessary.)

The maids… weren’t awfully impressed by our decision to move beds together, and every single time they left we found them separated and had to move them back together again. There wasn’t much we could do during day hours when the sun was merciless, so we spent them in our room eating Pringles and watching the only two English-speaking channels nonstop (which were Disney (that pulled me into the SVTFOE fandom) and the other channel that showed survival games and Alasca biker gang adventures 24/7 (now THAT was as captivating as it was disturbing)). During a particularly long evening Nt discovered Pokemon Go and it became the main source of my ‘plz stop’ glares because seriously he kept catching those things wherever we went and uuuuughhhh (even though I must admit I installed that too, later)

When we didn’t go to the beach, we went to the pool. And (hahaha) I remember that one time when Nt stood in the deepest part of the pool and I felt triggered and asked him to help me check if I could reach the floor too. He helped me by pushing down on my shoulders so that I wouldn’t float up and then accidentally hit me into the stomach with a knee (I still have no idea how he managed to do that????).

Then there were various excursions starting from Madrid and ending with chibi countries like Andorra. We went to the latter (ever imagined what a huge mall under the open sky looks like? That’s it), took off with so many bottles of wine we had problems packing our luggage… aaaand somehow missed the most important store there could ever be – the game souvenirs. Mysterion watched me from beyond the glass and I couldn’t reach out and take him. Then there was Barcelona with its Sagrada Familia temple I’ve been dreaming to visit ever since Schizm came out (ohhh gooodddd that game left such an impact on my little soul back then), the Dali gallery in Girona and the city of Terragona (which is supposed to be written differently but the typo is hilarious, I’m not correcting it).

And, of course, we couldn’t leave the country without visiting the famous PortAventura. I’m all for amusement parks, and this place delivered 100%. We bought tickets for two days; Nt wasn’t looking forward to it too much (like, eeeeh?! What’s wrong with you!!) but when we were going through our first ride his view on things changed drastically. We spent somewhere around 16 hours walking around the place in total and took on most of the rides. Some of them even went with us sitting front rows, and I gotta say it was fantastic. I only wish we could come back sometime and have a few more Hurakan Condors and Furius Bacos which I consider the scariest experiences in the park. Really, they’re so refreshing I’d ride them every day. Twice. Maybe even more.

The last day was partially slept through thanks to our neighbors who decided it was a great idea to chat the night away, as loudly as they possibly could. The road home took us nearly 12 hours, and we got to Nt’s apartment all wobbly at 5 in the morning. Hitting the pillow was the best thing I felt that day.

The trip was awesome, though. I’m all happy, smiles and gold under the sun.

Nt saved my summer <3