#if there's one lesson taught by living in a trans body

[manstrans]

I think referring trans man who one word is pretty nice. I’ve really liked the words achillean and sapphic, especially since they have roots in historical myths. I’m personally Indian, and I thought maybe I could pull a word or rather a name out of my own culture’s stories that could act as a word for trans man as well. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about the Mahabharta. But essentially it is an Indian Epic that revolves around two clans of family, the Pandavas and the Kauravas, who fight in a battle called the Kurukshetra war. Throughout the epic, there are tales of people living and dead, different points on philosophy, and lessons being taught. It’s very long, about 10 times the length of the Iliad and Odyssey combined.

Despite the Pandavas and Kauravas being the sort of main characters of the Epic, there are many other individuals who play and important role in the story. One such character is Shikhandi. This seems to be already getting long, so I will give a brief background of Shikhandi. Essentially he was born in his past life as the princess Amba, who was abducted by Bhishma, but later rejected by him (This story is layered but if you want a summary Wikipedia is always good). Angered with this Amba preformed a difficult fast and at the end Lord Shiva granted her a boon that she would in the next life be born as female but would later become a man and the reason why Bhishma is killed. (And additionally gave him the ability to remember his past live as well)

Simultaneously, King Draupda wanted a child and prayed to Lord Shiva for one. He came and said to the king, that in his house a girl would be born who in due course would become a man. Shikhandi was born as Shikhandini, but of course later changed his name. He was raised as a man, and was taught warfare. When it was his time to get married, his father offered his hand in marriage to the daughter of king Hiranyavarman. Shikhandi’s wife realized that his wasn’t a “real man” (whatever that means). And when Hiranyavarman realized this, he prepared for war with Draupda, even though the latter insisted that his son was a real man. Shikhandi, distressed by his wife’s comments and by bringing shame onto his parents, decides to go commit suicide by fasting to death. He goes in the woods where people were terrified to enter since it was inhabited by a yaksha.

He goes in the forest and starts to take of his royal clothing, where the yaksha meets him. He asks what Shikhandi is doing, and the prince tells his story. The yaksha, feeling compassion over the prince, proposes that two exchange their sex. Shikhandi readily agrees and goes back to his family and tells his father of what had occurred. His father was delighted and said to Hiranyavarman that he could send someone over to check if it was true. Women were sent to Shikhandi who then confirmed that he was a man and his wife came back to him.

This has become extraordinarily long, but on a final note as I conclude the retelling I will say that Shikhandi fought on the side of the Pandavas during the war and played a vital role during it.

Now onto my main point. I know the story is sort of unconventional, maybe just by reading my summary or if you go on Wikipedia you might even find parts of it problematic. In our modern definition, Shikhandi would probably be considered a trans man, and his story is important to me, an Indian trans man, for a few reasons. For example, he given the gift of being trans by God. He isn’t just born a man, he becomes one because of Lord Shiva’s boon. As someone who has been told before (and I’m sure that many trans men have had that experience before) that me being trans is a mental illness, it was a point that touched my heart deeply when I reread the Mahabharta. He is distressed and tries to commit suicide but is saved because he allowed to be who he is in the body that he wants. He is accepted by his fellow peers, He is accepted by his fellow peers, and in fact the reason that Bhisma loses to the Pandavas is because he refuses to see Shikhandi as man and doesn’t fight him.

I really understand where people of colour are coming from when they say that they feel uncomfortable being compared to animals. After all, I have heard Indian men be talked about as“animals that only know how to rape”. In the same way Achilles was a character from a story and hence where word “achillean” comes from, I thought that that it would be nice to take the name of what one might consider in current terminology to be a trans man, and use his name Shikhandi, as a way of conveying those who feel a strong desire to be a man.

I do have a hard time finding the suffix for the name Shikhandi. Because Achilles became achillean and Saphos became sapphic. The most obvious would probably be shikhandian (since the name ends with an I) but people have said they don’t want that. I guess shikhandic could also work or maybe shikhandien. (I personally like shikhandian the best). I think you probably have some way better ideas to better mold this name, so I leave it to you or others who want to try.

Greek mythology is extremely common in the Western world, but rarely have I ever seen anyone talk about Hindu mythology. I guess because Hinduism has been constantly said to be demonic, especially by Western Christians. People think of us backwards and not progressive, and not many even consider the idea that Indian queer people exist. At most, Hijras are used as a gotcha by other queers to conservatives to say that “Yeah see trans people have existed for thousands of years, take that”. Without really considering who Hijra people are, how it connects to culture, and what the issues they face and have faced are.

Thus, I thought I would add my two cents about how we could create a single word for trans men that is also rooted in my culture. I guess people might consider it ridiculous and that it doesn’t make sense, but even if the name Shikhandi doesn’t stick, I thought I would talk about my religion and my Hindu culture as well.

I’m really sorry for how long this got, but thank you so much for reading till the end.

- Dev

sorry it took a few days to get to this, but that's a really cool story!! I loved reading it!!

honestly I was already thinking that the words we have that are rooted in lore are already mostly white, or at least that I know of, so it'd be cool to see more words that aren't centered on us so much!

I'd also love to hear what other indian trans people think too! I love hearing different viewpoints and opinions!

[sariels-world-ella]

I don't think people get that voting or supporting to take away someone else's rights is voting for opening a gateway to take away their own rights as well.

For example:

Want to vote to ban abortion and trans affirming surgeries?

Guess what?

Now you opened a gateway for the government to take away your bodily autonomy and ability to get medical care, because if it's legal to deny them bodily autonomy and ability to get medical care then there is nothing stopping them from doing the same to you. Do you really want the government to control what you can do with your body? Do you want the government to have the power to deny you life saving care, like cancer treatment? No? Then don't vote against abortion, don't vote against trans affirming care or surgeries, because if they can ban one thing regarding health care or bodily autonomy then there is nothing stopping from banning more.

Are you against same-sex marriage?

Guess what?

If that becomes true, you opened a gateway to let the government take away your marriage rights as well, if they can nullify marriages between two consenting adults, what's stopping them from nullifing interracial or interfaith marriage? What is stopping them nullifing your marriage just because they feel like it? Do you want the government to control who you can marry? Do you want the government to be able to break apart your marriage just because it wants too? Do you? No, you don't, if you value marriage and love then you shouldn't be against gay marriage, because if their marriage becomes a issue with the law, now what is stopping them going after your marriage as well? If they can do it to them they sure as hell can do it to you, now you just gave them the right to control who you and everyone else are able to marry.

Want to ban books or lessons in schools because you don't agree with it? (Not including pushing things until higher grades because that's more about maturity, you're not censoring it, you're waiting until they are old enough to grasp or handle the concept or subject matter)

Guess what?

That's censorship! You complain about censorship and having your freedom of speech and expression revoked or impeded, so why are you supporting it? Why do you want to ban information and ban what can be said when you say you support free speech? I don't have a problem with somethings being taught only until the child is older, because yes somethings require a higher maturity to handle, for example: you shouldn't be showing 2nd graders graphic material from WW2, but you should NEVER have the right to not teach it at all. History is extremely valuable, it helps us be informed about things, it helps us not repeat our past mistakes, it helps us understand why things are like they are. The control of information creates a strong power to the ones who have it a power to control you without you even knowing, because because they know the truth but they show you lies.

Do want that? No? So don't ban books, don't ban lessons in schools, it is not about what you agree with its about what happened, it's about what there is, it's about what was expressed and how it was, it's about the preservation of thoughts and ideas so that we can either learn from and grow or learn to not think that way and grow.

If you want to disagree, alright then, but don't come crawling to me when you live in a society where the government has the right to have complete control over your life.

[fallenangelforestprince]

Honest to God want to rip the throat out of everyone that says crap like "Trans people are sexualizing kids!!" Tell me dear mother, where was this same sentimate of "must protect kids from sexualization" when you taught me about periods and sex at the age of seven because "My penpal got her period at seven" Dear father, where was this when you made me, a child who was still in footed pajamas, stay up past 1am to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Where was this when you used to tell me I can't go outside alone because if I do, strangers will drive up, run out of their cars, pick me up and rape me because I'm "that cute"? Where was this when you used to hand me the answer keys to my lesson books, because "if I failed my classes, I'd be taken away and my new family would force me to be a maid, to live in the basement, and rape me?" Where was this when told to lie at doctor offices because if I expressed any form of unhappiness there, I'd be (you guessed it) "Taken from my family, and raped by my new one" Where was this when you used grope me in bed and shower and tell me how my body will make my future husband happy, and that I was 'filling in nicely'? Where was my protection? Where was my fucking protection FROM YOU??

[omgsomeonesomewhereonearth]

This poll as well as recent conversations I've had is really helping me realise that I actually had amazing sex ed my whole life. It wasn't perfect (and a lot of my other schooling wasn't either), but honestly I'd say it was better than good!

In Year 5 (9-10), primary school - had a few lessons on puberty, a short one from our main teacher and then another one later where they separated the boys and girls. A professional lady came in to talk about the dawning of our boobs and periods and other bodily changes. They also talked about penises briefly but not in much detail. I can only assume the boys got the same talk but in reverse wrt detail. Didn't go deeply into partnered sex but wet dreams and masturbation were mentioned.

Year 6 (10-11), different primary school - taught us more about sex. It was a incredibly heteronormative (I specifically remember them describing the act as "a special hug between a man and a woman that can lead to a baby), but comprehensive and did emphasise that sex could also be for pleasure. We did worksheets where we had to label the body parts and watched some videos with naked cartoons ans scientific diagrams. Again stuff like masturbation and wet dreams were brought up in a normal and not shameful way.

Year 7 (11-12), all girls secondary school - had a professional lady come in again to tell us about our changing bodies and hormones and stuff in great detail in first term. Gave us free tampons and pads, explained that there's no shame in using either. Started talking about sex both from a scientific perspective in biology and a personal perspective in PSHE, around the same time which I think really helped bring the message home. Second term a different professional came in to talk to us about like, sexual feelings and hormones and slut shaming/virgin shaming in teen culture.

Year 8 (12-13), learned more about protection and all of the options available to us in terms of hormonal birth control and physical like condoms. Again, that happened both in biology and PSHE to really drive the point home. Later on in Geography we discussed Africa for a full term and about two weeks of that were focused on how AIDS spread rapidly because condoms weren't made accessible and how important they can be not just as birth control but also for personal safety. Did tell us though that people with AIDS are fully capable of living full and healthy lives and it's not inherently a death sentence. We also had a day long workshop with many activities where we talked about different kinds of relationships. This wasn't inherently sex ed, but it did get brought up in the context of many relationships can involve sex - and these don't have to be marital or even romantic. We talked in detail about consent in relationships, both to do with sex and otherwise and how to recognise the signs of abuse. And we also talked about same sex relationships during that workshop which was nice :)

Year 9 (13-14), had another day-long workshop like the relationships one but this time it was purely about sex. Once again talked in depth about consent, slut shaming, and virgin shaming etc. Went over all the different birth control methods available to us and talked about their effectiveness. Practiced putting condoms on bananas. Even talked a little bit about lesbian sex and how you can practice safety whilst doing that. Were given the option to take home free condoms.

Again it wasn't perfect by any means and especially at the all girls school it was very cis-woman-with-a-vagina centric. But for me, as a perisex afab who for now hasn't transitioned medically at all, I have found myself really benefiting from the stuff I learned back then in my adult life! I would love if they'd talked more about trans bodies and experiences - and honestly, knowing that school it's fairly likely that they now do! All of these experiences are from like 2012-2017. A lot of the stuff we learned about gay sex had only been introduced a year prior, to my knowledge.

"Abstinence-focused" meaning that a large underlying message of the sex education you received was "don't have sex [before marriage]."

If you had sex ed at multiple different times, vote according to whichever was better.

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[hxdrostorms]

Scorpio Milo ;  A  Character  Sheet

BOLD  all  that  applies  to  your  muse. REPOST, DON'T REBLOG.

•  eyes:  blue  |  green  |  brown  |  hazel  |  gray  |  gray-blue  |  other

•  hair:  blond  |  sandy  |  brown  |  black  |  auburn  |  red  |  grey  |  white  |  multi-color  |  other (purple)

•  body  type:  skinny  |  slender  |  slim  |  built  |  curvy  |  athletic  |  average  |  muscular  |  pudgy  |  overweight

•  skin:  pale  |  light  |  fair  |  freckled  |  tan  |  olive  |  medium  |  dark  |  discolored  |  other

gender:  male  |  female  |  trans |  cis  |  agender  |  demigender  |  genderfluid  |  other  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  sexuality:  heterosexual  |  homosexual  |  bisexual  |  pansexual  |  asexual |  demisexual  |  other (graysexual) |  unsure  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  romantic  orientation:  homoromantic  |  heteromantic  |  biromantic  |  panromantic  |  aromantic  |  demiromantic  |  unsure  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  species:  human  |  undead  |  shapeshifter  |  demon  |  angel  |  with  |  ghost  |  incubus  /  succubus  |  werewolf  |  mermaid  |  mutant  |  android  |  other  

•  education:  high  school  |  college  |  university  |  master’s  degree  |  PhD  |  self  taught|  ged  |  other (Standard saint training + studies/lessons in order to deepend his knowledge in order to take on the role of a golden saint)

•  i’ve  been:  in  love  |  hurt  |  ill  |  mentally  abused  |  bullied  |  physically  abused  |  tortured  |  brainwashed  |  shot

•  positive  traits:  affectionate  |  adventurous  |  athletic  |  brave  |  careful |  charming  |  confident  |  creative  |  cunning  |  determined  |  forgiving  |  generous  |  honest  |  humorous  |  intelligent  |  loyal  |  modest  |  patient  |  selfless  |  polite  |  down-to-earth  |  diligent  |  romantic  |  moral  |  fun-loving  |  charismatic  |  calm

•  negative  traits:  aggressive  |  bossy  |  cynical  |  envious  |  shy  |  fearful  |  greedy  |  gullible  |  jealous  |  impatient  |  impulsive  |  cocky  |  reckless  |  insecure  |  irresponsible  |  mistrustful  |  paranoid  |  possessive  |  sarcastic  |  self-conscious  |  selfish  |  swears  |  unstable  |  clumsy  |  rebellious  |  emotional  |  vengeful |  anxious  |  self-sabotaging  |  self-sacrificing  |  moody  |  peevish  |  angry  |  pessimistic  |  slacker  |  thick  skinned  |  overly  dramatic  |  argumentative  |  dangerous  |  prideful  |  gluttonous

•  living  situation:  lives  alone  |  lives  with  parents  or  guardian  |  lives  with  significant  other  |  lives  with  friends  |  drifter |  homeless  |  lives  with  children  |  verse  dependent

•  parents/guardian:  mother|  father|  adoptive  |  aunt  |  uncle  |  foster  |  grandmother  |  grandfather  |  other (growing up he never found a parental figure, at least not one he wishes to admit it. Milo never saw his former master under that light.)

•  sibling(s):  sister(s)  |  brother(s)  |  none  |  other  |  biological  |  adopted

•  relationship:  single  |  crushing  |  dating  |  engaged  |  married  |  separated  |  it’s  complicated  |  verse  dependent

•  things  i’ve  done  before:  had  alcohol  |  smoked  |  stolen  |  done  drugs  |  self-harmed  |  starved  |  had  sex  |  had  a  threesome  |  had  a  one-night  stand  |  gotten  into  a  fist  fight  |  gone  to  a  hospital  |  gone  to  jail  |  used  a  fake  ID  |  played  hooky  |  gone  to  a  rave  |  killed  someone  |  had  someone  try  to  kill  them  |  verse dependent

[runningracingdancingchasing]

𝐶 𝐻 𝐴 𝑅 𝐴 𝐶 𝑇 𝐸 𝑅   𝑆 𝑇 𝑈 𝐷 𝑌  

             𝑇𝑅𝐴𝐼𝑇𝑆 & 𝐶𝐻𝐴𝑅𝐴𝐶𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐼𝑆𝑇𝐼𝐶𝑆

repost  &  tag  away !  

BOLD all that applies to your muse. italicized  -  applicable in some verses/conditional

Rapunzel

• EYES:  blue | green | brown | hazel | gray | gray-blue | other

• HAIR:  blonde | sandy | brown | black | auburn | ginger | grey / white | multi-color | other

• BODY: skinny | slender | slim | built | curvy | athletic | average | muscular | pudgy | overweight

• SKIN: pale | light | fair | freckled | tan | olive | medium | dark | discolored | other

• GENDER: male | female | trans | cis | agender | other | doesn’t like labels | don’t have any definite headcanon either way

• SEXUALITY: heterosexual | homosexual | bisexual ( male leaning ) | pansexual | asexual | demisexual | other  | doesn’t like labels

• ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homoromantic | heteroromantic | biromantic | panromantic | aromantic | demiromantic | unsure | doesn’t like labels | polyamorous

• SPECIES:  human | undead | shapeshifter | demon | angel | witch | ghost | incubus / succubus | werewolf | alien | mutant | android | elf | other

• EDUCATION:  high school | college | university | master’s degree | PhD | other ( self-taught/private lessons/homeschooled )

•I'VE BEEN IN: in love | hurt | ill | mentally abused | bullied | physically abused | tortured | brainwashed (gaslighted) | shot | burnt

• POSITIVE TRAITS:  affectionate | adventurous | athletic | brave | careful | charming | confident | creative | cunning | determined | forgiving | generous | honest | humorous | intelligent | loyal | modest | patient | selfless | polite | down-to-earth | diligent | romantic | moral | fun-loving | charismatic | calm

• NEGATIVE TRAITS:  aggressive | bossy | cynical | stubborn | envious | shy | fearful | greedy | gullible | jealous | impatient | impulsive | cocky | reckless | insecure | irresponsible | mistrustful | paranoid | possessive | sarcastic | self-conscious | selfish  | swears | unstable | clumsy | rebellious | territorial | emotional | crybaby | vengeful  | anxious | self-sabotaging | moody | peevish | angry | pessimistic | slacker | thin skinned | overly dramatic | argumentative | overly protective

• LIVING SITUATION:  lives at sea | lives with parent(s) / guardian | lives with significant other | lives with a friend | drifter | homeless | lives with children | other

• GUARDIAN: mother | father | adoptive (kidnapper) | foster | grandmother | grandfather

• SIBLING(S): sister(s) | brother (s) | none | other

• RELATIONSHIP: single | crushing | dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated

• I HAVE A(N):  learning disorder | personality disorder | mental disorder | anxiety disorder | sleep disorder | eating disorder | behavioral disorder | substance-related disorder | PTSD | mental disability | physical disability |

• THINGS I'VE DONE BEFORE:  had alcohol | smoked | stolen | done drugs | self-harmed | starved | had sex | had a threesome | had a one-night stand | gotten into a fist fight | gone to hospital | gone to jail | used a fake ID | played hooky | gone to a rave | killed someone | had someone try to kill them

[that-gay-jedi]

All my trans and non binary friends tell me I should read Stone Butch Blues, because they tell me Leslie's gender reminds them of mine. I have a copy of Stone Butch Blues. I have not read it. 

I think I'm afraid that if hir gender DOESN'T strongly resemble mine, I'm going to feel weirdly alone and like even my most gender outlaw friends are putting me in another damn box.

It all feels irrelevant anyway. Despite exhausting and unavoidable levels of visibility, 90% of my gender dysphoria and euphoria are still entirely private. It is only the fact that I've "failed" the role I was assigned that's visible. I never ask what would make me happy. I only dare to ask myself what I can live with.

It took me almost a decade of being out as trans before people started getting even halfway normal about it. I don't have the fortitude for another decade of handling cis people with kid gloves to get them to see me.

In public, I'm whatever a stranger decides I am as long as I know I'm never going to have to see them again. At work, I'm a man because it's easier to explain a binary trans narrative to my boss than how I'd really want to be ackowledged. I fought so long and hard for my bio family to just stop making up reasons to call me a girl that I'll put my hand on a hot burner before I let them know I'm anything other than a man with a vag.

They don't know me. I pretend I only care what I'm called if it's someone who knows me. I'm lying to myself.

I don't think of other people's genders when I think of mine. I think of the apocryphal popculture image of Diogenes, free because he was poor and poor because he was free. The key tattooed on my inner forearm. I think of the twin fears of being locked in and locked out and of a thief who steals from no one, steals nothing but a few square feet of shelter.

In the book Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars, the trans narrator recommends lockpicking as a skill everyone should have. Because it allows you to interact with the world on your own terms. Because you're not only harder to trap, but harder to exclude. Harder to coerce. Harder to kill.

I legitimately can't tell whether I'm MLM or WLW. It feels like I'm not allowed to be both, but something inside me screams that I absolutely am both. I punish myself for wanting to enter spaces of either by pretending I'm neither. I'm an interloper, appropriating, invading, I will live a lifetime of biting my tongue because I don't belong.

I love that alternative words like sapphic and achillean exist. I hate using them for myself. Calling myself sapphic feels like I'm saying "I'm actually a lesbian, but I know I'm not allowed to call myself one because sometimes I'm also MLM." Just painting over the elephant in the room like a landlord special.

I spent 8 years going by a kind of temporary placeholder masc name and when I finally got the name that I use now, the one that feels right, I waited 2 years before asking anyone to call me by it because I wanted to have my birth certificate in my hand. My first experience getting people to call me a new name had taught me it wasn't worth it without the stupid piece of paper.

I wonder what my body, still occasionally flinching from blows that landed almost 30 years ago, thinks of being taught a lesson.

Maybe I won't be afraid to read Stone Butch Blues some day. Maybe like everything else relating to gender, I'll get so frustrated and exhausted that I'll be more afraid than ever and do it anyway. Not living by what brings me joy, but what I just can't take anymore of.

I'm tired.

[butchesanddykesandqueersohmy]

Yes to all of the above

It's also lead my to have a related tangent that, at some point I want to talk about this more in depth; but I'm at a point in my journey with kink, that I'm truly mourning the ways in which white cishetero understandings of masculinity have truly warped us all as kinksters, in one way or another.

I'm angry and sad but also weirdly grateful that the often the sharpest edges we play with aren't the tools we use, it's the traumas we brush up against that we never considered would be brought to the fore, in the moments of beautiful raw vulnerability that are brought about by scenes.

Now to be clear, for me I am well aware that I am a deeply traumatised person, I'm an Intersex, Mixed Traveller, Disabled, Trans Butch, the world, in general, is not kind to people like me, in fact, in a lot of cases it's actively hostile to me.

But my personal journey through kink (15 ish years at this point) which has been largely informed by my more Domme sides, has been fully transformative and healing

It has helped me to cope with my traumas and learned more about myself and my body and has done more towards healing than I ever thought possible.

It's led me to try to live a radical body positive politic; to respect all bodies as they arrive in my life and to celebrate that fact.

It's led me to solidify my understandings of family, community and communication in real and actionable ways.

I'm learning to live in my radical honesty with as much kindness and tenderness as I wish to be shown at my most vulnerable.

Kink, and the personal awareness it can encourage when fully lived and examined has been at the foundation of the closest relationships I've made in my entire life for the majority of my life,

I actually mean that too, literally, I was lucky enough to grow up around queer adults who were active members of the kink/activist/radical queer circles of the 80’s/90’s/early 00’s

Did I know they were kinksters when I was a child? No, of course not, to me they wore fancy dress to parties a lot, not till I was much older did I find out what might take place at those parties.

but did their frameworks for consent and communication and support build the foundations of my early childhood

Fuck yes.

And I will be forever grateful for that foundation

But here's the thing a lot of the wisdoms we've earned both my forebears and me.

They are lessons taught to us by the traumas we faced from oppression based on things like ethnicity/race/disability/sexuality/gender/biology; things that transcend yet intersect heavily with our relationships in kink.

It leads to trauma mine fields that need to be traversed no matter the role we take in kink.

And perhaps more importantly I feel, It means that the people who play with us, need to be able to understand how the vulnerability in that moment, has to go both ways; to allow everyone to be able to assert their needs and boundaries without shame, so that we can all work together to make something beautiful out of the external traumas we're healing through different and varied forms of play.

Because for a lot of us, we engage in kink for a sense of self control; no matter what side we're on, because so many of us lack a sense of control within our lives outside of kink.

But it means that with that vulnerability that is so cherished, for those of us who are multiply marginalised, can be dangerous ,

It means we have a lot of chances to be incredibly damaged by those often well meaning but ultimately ignorant folks who don't take the time to divest themselves from white cishetero systems

Those who don't take time to examine their involvement in kink and the various systems they uphold by living an unexamined life.

Anyways be gentle be kind to all involved, yourself and your partners,whoever and however they play my loves ❤️

I never see enough doms talking about how much we need emotional aftercare just as much as subs do and it genuinely makes me scared because how many of us are walking around in dom drop without knowing it. You need to be reminded that there was consent. You need to be reminded that you are more than any 'violence' you do in scene. You need to be reminded of the relationship you have with your sub outside of a scene. You need to be reminded that the power dynamic the two of you have created is one for pleasure and not oppression. You are not wrong for needing that and any sub worth your time will think so too.

[thrown-away-opinions]

The Pipeline

I’ve got a much longer version of this topic, but I just want to try and keep this short and to the point, because I keep seeing it happen and every time it does, it’s not a surprise, but it is a disappointment.

So the short version is that if you see someone who is already neck-deep in gender ideology bullshit go non-binary, there’s a pretty high chance that they’ll go full tranny within a year or so and probably for all the wrong reasons. The most generous interpretation is that maybe they were just exploring their identity and discovered something about themselves, etc etc, and so on... I think that’s bullshit.

The way I’ve always seen it go down is that it’s usually someone who is already at risk because they’re already sympathetic to extreme leftist beliefs. The kind of people who regurgitate memes about eating the rich  and think that toddlers need sex ed lessons about masturbation taught by drag queens, or whatever happens to be trending at the moment. They get convinced that they must not have their identity figured out because they listen to mentally unstable, terminally online lunatics who insist that gender and sexuality are supposed to be some kind euphoric, intense, obscenely loud and aggressive part of a person’s everyday life. 

They don’t feel that being a semi-normal, average person, so they indulge this non-binary shit... and then when that doesn’t lead to some explosive revelation that drastically improves their life, the next obvious step is to start on HRT and getting body parts removed. Y’know, because all the shit the psychos promised them didn’t come to pass, so the obvious conclusion to jump to is that they need to do it harder and with more serious consequences.

Eventually, anyone who fell down that rabbit hole will end up like the people who led them there in the first place. An obnoxious, mentally distressed trainwreck whose entire identity and daily activities must revolve around queerness and transness in every way. They need those flags on everything. They need their entire medical history pinned to every profile bio. They need people to know they are trans and queer and that they deserve validation, because living it isn’t enough and isn’t achieving that intense, euphoric validation of their identity. Strangers don’t care. People online clearly don’t give a fuck. Most people will see all the fucking pride flags and other bullshit and just avoid interacting entirely.

And it wouldn’t be something I had so much to say on if I hadn’t seen it happen over and over again. Everything about the gender identity ideology is purpose-built to deny any option to bail out. It’s a one-way road and any hesitation or second guessing is usually met with some pretty vile backlash. De-transitioning, aside from being physically traumatic, comes with a large social backlash in the form of a person having to distance themselves from every bad influence that talked them into pursuing and continuing down that path in the first place. If the person was some sort of e-celeb or other online personality, artist, creator, etc, it means potentially losing a lot business, as transness and trans positivity can be very good for building followings and even getting ahead when people post about how they need some trans queer minority artist to draw something for them. 

At any rate, if you see this shit happening in real time, don’t be surprised when it inevitably gets worse. Each additional person who follows this path is another reason why everyone who already got manipulated and misled can’t speak out or back down, and it just makes the lie seem more real for everyone who is already gullible enough to think that any of that shit is okay in the first place. 

(fuck this one ended up running long anyways)

[coochiequeens]

All Christian churches, no matter how liberal they present themselves now, never had trouble telling the difference between men and women before.

PORTLAND, Ore.— Something as small as signs that say "men" and "women" on the bathrooms in a house of worship can shut the door to trans people. 

"For me as a non-binary person, I've been to so many churches where they don't have a bathroom that I feel like I can use," says AJ Buckley, an Episcopal priest in Portland, Ore. "And so I'll just not go to the bathroom there."

Churches are tasked with living out the Bible's message both from the pulpit and in the pews.

And it's hard to connect to spiritual concerns if people there to sing and pray literally can't be physically comfortable. 

That's why Saint David of Wales Episcopal Church in Portland, where Buckley has been associate rector for the past year, has made changes like putting up signs that say anyone can use any bathroom, including pronouns on name tags and preaching to "siblings in Christ" rather than brothers and sisters.

"Sometimes we'll say, 'God loves you,' but then not live that out in the church always," Buckley says. "And so, having those things say you're actually wanted here, [means] we're excited that you're here."

Pro-trans voices are emerging within Christianity 

Evangelical Christianity has played a big role in the political debate around transgender issues, and the spate of legislation it's led to. And so that position is widely known: God created humans, separated into male and female – categories that are innate and immutable.

But religions speak with more than one voice. And other Christians are using their sacred texts to embrace a broader understanding of gender. 

Shannon TL Kearns is the first openly transgender man ordained in the Old Catholic Church, a denomination that split from Rome after the first Vatican Council in the 19th century. He's co-founder of QueerTheology.com, and author of the book In The Margins: A Transgender Man's Journey with Scripture.

"The world of gender in the Bible is much more complex than I was taught growing up as an evangelical," says Kearns, pointing to numerous stories of biblical figures transgressing gender norms.

"We have women who are judges. We have men who spend their time in the kitchen. There are eunuchs, which were considered this kind of other third gender," he says.

Many Christians are rethinking the biblical stories they think they already know

Theology is stories. And Kearns says figuring out the Bible's message on trans people is partly about rediscovering these particular stories. But, in a larger sense, it's about asking harder questions of the stories Christians think they already know. 

For example, in Genesis, angels come to Sodom and Gomorrah, and the townspeople threaten to rape them. The destruction of those cities is often seen as God's condemnation of homosexuality. But it could be read as a lesson in welcoming the stranger.

"When we look at a passage like Sodom and Gomorrah, we're looking at the places where — where might we still be inhospitable to people today?" asks Kearns. "Are we benefiting from systems that are hurting other people?"

Sometimes, showing hospitality is as easy as a sign on a bathroom door. And sometimes it's harder. Not every congregation, not every Christian, welcomes these changes. Theologian and ordained Baptist minister Robyn Henderson-Espinoza says conflict is not new to Christianity and that it's central to understanding the story of Jesus.

"I follow the story of a brown, Palestinian Jew who was executed by the Roman empire," says Henderson-Espinoza. "And that story is painful." 

But Henderson-Espinoza, author of the book Body Becoming: A Path to Our Liberation, says this re-centering of the story from the point of view of the powerless rather than the point of view of the powerful is the work of Christianity. And that re-centering has implications for trans people today. 

"I think that's how we bring heaven to Earth: Having these hard conversations and creating more relationships, and creating more opportunities to be in relationship with difference."

Trans people read themselves into scripture the same way all people see themselves in biblical characters 

If you look in the Bible, stories of difference are there as well says theologian Kearns. The arc of scripture bringing the most marginalized people to the center has always been there. But he's not surprised it hasn't always been told that way.

"White, cisgender heterosexual men — they're reading from their specificity and particularity and calling it universal. And that's the real damage," Kearns says.

Kearns says it's not that reading from a particular perspective, a particular experience, is bad — it's how scripture has always been read and interpreted. People just need to be aware of what they're doing. And to expand the conversation to include all voices.

"I think that we all read ourselves into scripture," Kearns 

says. "I think the kicker is that folks from marginalized communities are being honest about the fact that that's what they're doing."

Trans Christians practice a faith that fits their bodies 

Good narratives survive because they welcome a range of readers into their world.They don't define meaning — they reveal it for those who enter the story. 

Austen Hartke, a Lutheran theologian and founder of the Transmission Ministry Collective, asks the question, "If you believe, like I do, that God made me trans on purpose, then what does that mean that I am allowed to do to steward my body, to live a healthy and full life?"

Hartke, who's also the author ​​of Transforming: The Bible and the Lives of Transgender Christians, says, "In the same way that if God made somebody nearsighted, they're allowed to get glasses."

He says it's part of Jesus's call to abundant life. It's not desecration; it's co-creation. Holy work.

"Yes, our bodies are temples," Hartke says. "But temples change."

And Hartke says the blueprint for that change is in the text.

"Even though Genesis One talks about binaries in the world, we know that those binaries aren't as clean cut as they are in this one piece of writing."

It's not just man and woman, land and water. 

"So for instance," he says, "God creates the day and the night — it says nothing about dawn or dusk."

But these in-between places exist. Hartke says there's a richness to them and to the theology that emerges from them. Because they tell a fuller story of existence in this holy world. 

"If we say God is the alpha and the omega, we don't mean God is just A and Z," Hartke says. "We mean God is all."

[strangestcase]

absolutely yes please share ur headcanons :D

-transmasc, he/they. Also goes by it/its but only as Hyde.

-kiiind of voidpunk. sometimes they have trouble seeing themselves as a human, even more so now that he’s... not entirely one.

-his parents were super demanding and rather transphobic. It took him a lot of time to grow out of the “i’m just a broken woman“ mindset, made worse by his attraction to men. “But what if I’m just a straight girl?”

-fucked off to Oxford in their late teens to avoid getting married off to a much older dude and he ended up in college and the rest is history.

-HUGE horror nerd. collects horror story trivia like it’s stamps (no movies, sorry, it’s the 1880s). Has to tone this down a LOT around people, particularly if they’re his age. The gorier and weirder the better.

-has a morbid ass fascination with teeth for some reason

-at some point in their life, they collected roadkill, cleaned it, and used the skeletons as decoration.

-never has gotten gender affirming surgery, though he does bind to pass. He’s undisclosed and only a handful of people know they’re trans; Henry is legit terrified he’s going to get hatecrimed if he undisclosed it.

-loves strawberry candy, hates peppermint anything, can’t handle spicy food but eats it anyway because who has ever heard of self control?

-he’s actually rather snappish and has a cocky, temperamental side he doesnt usually show (guess who gets it with none of their redeeming qualities; hint, its name begins with H).

-welsh! he loves his country but has had to let go a lot of its culture to fit in better with English society ;-;

-they’ve spent so much time dialing down his personality, he’s pretty much only himself around very close friends.

-has published plenty of articles, dissertations, papers, and books on psychology and pharmacology and [insert any science that could logically be used to make the potion]. He’s kind-of well known in psychiatric circles and is the type of university professor that makes you buy his book.

-in fact he is a university professor in London and he has a reputation of being a cutesy, overly nice guy

-bad coping mechanisms such as: drugs! sweeping it under the rug! dissociating in the shower! more drugs!

-living incarnation of the “this is fine” meme

-dog person hands down, he has two dogs and they love them a lot, though his favorite animal is probably the owl because symbolism (like him, the owl looks wise and majestic but is just stupid and full of shit)

-they were taught to play piano as a child. while he enjoys music, the experience was very stressful and in fact piano lessons were, you guessed it, another way in which his shitty parents controlled him. he’s grown to hate it.

-looks all soft and cute and bashful and has no spine so he doesn’t really take choices of his own <3 Victorian repression culture icon

-there’s SO MUCH SHIT he’s been swallowing and bottling up oh my god. Anger issues. Intrusive thoughts. Identity troubles. The goddamn weirdest middle age crisis ever. He’s never seen a therapist about this because they’re afraid “someone will know”.

-*feels a negative emotion* “I’m the worst person alive ever���

-*does something good* “I’m literally the greatest fucking motherfucker there’s ever been”

-speaking of that he tends to speak very formally and never swear unless there’s a level of familiarity and even then it takes a whole lot of anger to get him to even say tame-ish stuff like “damn” or “shit”

-has reoccurring nightmares about pregnancy and childbirth and he’s all too aware of what it means

-they’ve never had the best relationship with his body and self-image and guess what!!!! the whole shapeshifting ordeal is making it worse!!!!

-actually canon but here it goes: he paces when he’s nervous and the more nervous he gets the faster he paces

-also fidgets a lot!

-enjoys doodling in the margins of books and his diary <3 they actually draw real well but they’re Never Ever going to show you those doodles...

[nerdygaymormon]

(1/2) hi david! ok i have a quick thing abt women and the priesthood: its so frustrating to me, and it used to be 1/12 months we would study the priesthood and honestly they don't teach us anything really other than what kind of stuff they do (vaguely). i always try to bring up the talks about womens priesthood power (only if endowed lol) but they always get brushed off. when i said how unfair it was when i turned 12 that i couldn't get the priesthood my mom took me aside and talked to me about

(2/2) she said to think of it like a wheelchair for men, to help them to be able to do good and help others and give them motivation because if women had the priesthood they would want to help everyone (i cant even with that metaphor its so wrong) and honestly, why can't women hold the priesthood? has that ever been said? why? because we live in a man/father led society? im just really tired of all the barely hidden sexism in lessons + calling the guys 'the priesthood' i hate it so much. thanks!

————————————————————

Yes, I remember those lessons. I thought for the young women and Relief Society the focus should be on how they can access the priesthood, why it matters there is priesthood and so on, not learning the young men can pass the sacrament (which btw, preparing or passing the sacrament doesn’t require the priesthood and we used to allow females to do this). 

And how come the people in priesthood quorums didn’t need to spend a month learning about women’s contributions, or motherhood, or a way to provide some equity for women having to put up with learning of the men’s roles for a month

Yes, I’ve heard the excuse that men need priesthood in order to train them to be as good as the women naturally are. I don’t buy it. If priesthood service boosts a person’s goodness, why would we not want women to participate?

—————————

I feel like our Church doesn’t do a good job explaining it’s priesthood restrictions. That’s probably because there isn’t a good justification for them.

We had the disastrous ban of people of African descent not being eligible to hold the priesthood and also not allowed to receive temple blessings. Fortunately, in 1978 the temple blessings and allowing men of African descent to be part of the priesthood was restored. Now no one is banned based on race, ethnicity or national origin. 

In early church history, the revelations mention men and the priesthood. I think that’s the basis for the current ban on women. 

Was this absence of women intentional? 

Could this be a case of the word “man” being used to mean “mankind” and wasn’t supposed to exclude women? 

Maybe “men” is all the culture was able to accept at the time. Women didn’t have constitutional rights and weren’t allowed to vote, and were thought of as people who remain in the house while their husbands dealt with things in the broader world.

—————————

For a long time, our church taught that women can “receive all the blessings of the priesthood” even if they don’t hold it themselves.

Today, President Nelson has indicated that something unique happens in the LDS temple ceremony — something that imparts priesthood power to women. In the temple, there are certain ordinances that women perform for other women, which indicates they have the priesthood even though they haven’t been formally ordained to the priesthood. 

Unfortunately, this isn’t very well defined. 

Do women who’ve been through the endowment ceremony hold priesthood power, even though they aren’t ordained, and are only authorized to use this priesthood in the temple? 

Could they be authorized to use this priesthood outside of the temple? 

Why are they only authorized to use their priesthood for other women and not men? 

Is this the Aaronic or Melchizedek priesthood, or is it some other branch of the priesthood? 

—————————

I think it’s clear women can hold priesthood and wield its authority. There’s many examples from the Bible and early Church history. 

Judges 4-5 - Deborah was a judge of Israel, acting as a prophet and military leader at a time when women were treated like property and valued by the number of children they could bear.​ She didn’t follow the gender role expected of her, and showed God is willing to have women as leaders, women as prophetesses. Perhaps patriarchy isn’t God’s will but a cultural trait of the ancient Israelites which we now read in the Bible and think is of God.

Acts 2:17 - “And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams”

Is priesthood required to prophesy?

Romans 16 - powerful scripture for equality and inclusion--so many names of women in positions of authority and influence listed. There’s not enough details to know the exact roles of the women. Is a “fellow servant” an apostle? Is a woman who travels & teaches as Paul does, an apostle? What about the women who are leaders together with their husband? Some women sound like heads of the congregation, are they equivalent to bishops and pastors?

There’s an address from Joseph Smith to the Relief Society on March 30, 1842 that many believe indicates he intended for women to hold the priesthood. “the Society should move according to the ancient Priesthood, hence there should be a select Society separate from all the evils of the world, choice, virtuou[s] and holy— Said he was going to make of this Society a kingdom of priests an in Enoch’s day— as in Paul’s day”

Healing by the laying on of hands was a practice that was common for Mormon women in the 19th century, although it was said to be done by faith, not priesthood. There’s even a famous example of Mary Fielding Smith blessing an ox to health on the trek west to Utah. This practice was stopped because it was too similar to the priesthood.

—————————

What our church has allowed women to do has varied, and needing priesthood authority was often the excuse for why women couldn’t do these things.

Women were barred from praying in Sacrament meeting from 1967 until 1978. 

In 1984, a woman spoke in general conference for the first time since 1930. Since then, women have spoken in every general conference.

Women were once permitted to join in or stand as an observer at the blessing of her baby, but today it’s priesthood only

In 2013, the first time a woman prays at General Conference.

In 2013, the "sister training leader" position is created, a leadership position for women who are missionaries. 

In 2015, the church appointed women to its executive councils for the first time.

2021, positions for women were created at the Area level of leadership in Europe, they’ll participate in leadership councils, and train Relief Society, Young Women and Primary Leaders.

—————————

Can women hold the priesthood? I think the evidence points to yes. I believe we’re in the same situation as the priesthood ban of Black men where it’s now our tradition and belief and will take a revelation to undo. The question is, are the apostles and prophet seeking such a revelation?

If we extended the priesthood to all worthy members regardless of gender, that would solve several issues. For example, we have areas with many more women as active members, and the men in those congregations must shoulder several callings that require the priesthood. Their burden would be much lighter if women could share in the responsibilities

The disparity that women see in their everyday lives would be eliminated. They may be in a position of authority at work, but then on Sundays, for the most part they’re limited to working with women & children, and excluded from top leadership positions. I wrote a thing where I switched gender roles at church and I think it makes clear the messages we are sending to our members, particularly our impressionable children and teensagers. 

Then there’s the case of trans & intersex people. Is priesthood for men given according to their spirit or to their body? How do we know what gender is the spirit of an intersex person? If everyone were eligible for the priesthood, it would save us from having to answer what is perhaps an unanswerable question about whether the body & spirit of trans people got mismatched.

—————————

We currently are not accessing the talents and capabilities of 1/2 the population. You’d think a church that has Heavenly Mother as part of its theology would be anxious to recognize the contributions that women can make and let them have leadership roles at all levels of the Church. 

[im-totally-not-an-alien]

Final Fantasy prompts no 53

1. Cloud is immortal and has lived for tens of thousands of years. He has watched his friends and enemies get reincarnated over and over again. He would always interfere and save the day when things got bad, prompting legends and myths of a golden haired hero with glowing blue eyes who swore to return whenever the world was in peril.

But thats not the end.

He took great care to find his friends and keep an eye on them, watching over them as a guardian angel of sorts. When he came across Sephiroth again, he expected a battle, but seeing the dull eyes of a broken teenager staring up at him as he layed battered and bruised by his own parents? It made him realize that Sephiroth wasn't born evil.

The blond added Sephiroth to his list of people to protect.

Cloud often removed Sephiroth from the abusive households he was born into by exposing the parents for their crimes and harassing them as an anonymous individual.

Once the silverette was out of the home he would manipulate circumstances so that he would come to live with Zack or one of his other former friends.

Once he hit a certain age, he would find people Sephiroth was romantically compatible with and play puppeteer until one of them married the silverette. Cloud had done this so many times that he practically became an expert. Strangely, in the recent past lives the marriages ended in amicable divorce. He didn't know what he did wrong, so the blond began expiramenting with Sephiroths "types" again, trying to find a perfect match.

This life however, Sephiroth refused to so much as hold hands with someone romantically and Cloud is about ready to rip his hair out in frustration.

The man walked down a busy street, thinking about what to do next when Sephiroth himselfed grabbed his arm.

Startled, Cloud stared up at him.

"It's you." Sephiroth muttered reverently, as though he couldn't believe his eyes.

Cloud never made contact with these people, he had learned his lesson after the fifth time he lost Zack. He let them live out their lives, only interfering to stop something negative from happening. The blond never showed Sephiroth his face since his ninth life.

So how did Sephiroth know who he was?

2. Cloud nearly giving Denzel "The Talk"

3. Denzel accidentally calling Cloud "Dad", calling Tifa "Mom", and Marlene "my sister" until he was eventually like, screw it, and called them that without hesitation

4. Denzel got in trouble at school for beating up a group of boys that were bullying another kid.

He gets suspended and Cloud takes him out for an awesome ride on Fenrir as a reward, followed by fighting lessons from both him and Tifa, then ice cream.

5. Au where Hollander was murdered by Hojo long ago. Degradation is running rampant through Shinras SOLDIER program, killing several and weakening many more.

Genesis is determined to find a cure, after all, his life is on the line. He's eventually cornered by Angeal and Sephiroth, who pull the truth out of him, and begin aiding him in his search.

They discover AC Cloud, who is from a different dimension/timeline whose very body contains the cure.

Cloud was no longer human, and had developed new organs of unknown purpose, his body having disposed of the unnecessary organs such as lungs, gallbladder, and pancreas, and modifying the ones it kept, such as the digestive track. The catch? Now he needed to feed on large amounts of natural Mako every month to survive.

Genesis sees no problem with this and asks for the blond to save them. Cloud, however, refused, not knowing what was happening to him and knew spreading it would be the bad idea of the century.

Genesis doesn't take "No" for an answer.

Hojo finds out the blond was essentially a second Jenova and had a mini lifestream inside him and becomes desperate to get his claws on him.

6. Jenova haunts Clouds dreams, filling him with dread. Not because she was tormenting him, no. It was the opposite.

In the dreams, she held him like a loving mother. Her gentle embrace warmed him, her soft words brought him comfort, made him confide in her. That's why he was afraid.

Cloud was beginning to love her, and it terrified him.

7. Zack Fair is hereby prohibited from using any form of glitter or glue.

Why? It's Classified.

8. Au where Lazard freed Zack from under the nebilheim mansion, but also dragged him outside, leaving Cloud behind.

He lied to Zack when he woke up, telling him the infantryman was dead. He believed that Zacks chances of survival would be infinitely higher if he left the boy behind, which he would never do if given a choice. So Lazard made that choice for him.

So Zack made it to Midgar on his own.

Cloud was found by Sephiroth months later. The blond had no fight left in him and tried to merge with the other Sephiroth clone, unfortunately since his cells were mutated, Cloud could not merge with Sephiroth.

The silverette had planned to abandon this failed clone until Cloud nuzzle his face against Sephiroths gloved palm. From then on out, Cloud followed Sephiroth everywhere, doing the cooking and the laundry or whatever he could to make himself useful. He would beg the former General not to abandon him, as everyone else had done in the past.

That, admittedly pulled on his heartstings a bit. Sephiroth had also been abandoned and betrayed by his two closest friends. By the company and people he foolishly devoted his entire life to.

So Cloud stayed. His master taught him how to fight, how to care for his gear, and they bonded over shared experiences and silent companionship.

It was during that final battle, where Zack and AVALANCHE slew Sephiroth, that Cloud, hidden somewhere out of sight, swore vengeance against the man who pretended to be his friend, who he believed abandoned him and left him to rot in that hellhole after he had sworn for years that they'd get them both out, that he would save Cloud, (Cause that's what heros do!) only for him to murder the first person other than his mom to ever care about him.

Clouds body held both S and J-cells, and though they may be mutated, he could still call for Reunion. Something Zack couldn't sense due to him being an A-type SOLDIER instead of an S-type like himself.

The blond could cultivate the summoned J-cells and make them multiply under his care. He knew the best revenge was patience, after all, so long as Cloud lived, Sephiroth would never truly die.

All he had to do was stay hidden. Know one could know of him, not that they were looking for a supposedly dead man, even if they were, they would never find him in his hidden underground bunker since no one with more then three brain cells would go near the Northern Crater.

9. Sephiroth drops blatant innuendos and pickup lines all throughout his fight with Cloud, but the blond thinks he's just imagining it.

Seph actually manages to escape that time, but after the fight, his friends point out all the questionable things the silverette said.

Cloud wasn't sure if he should be relieved that he wasn't hallucinating it.

10. Tifa caught Denzel and Marlene "interrogating" a doll that was tied to a tree.

They were hitting it with sticks and yelling, "Who's your source?!" At it.

Needless to say, Reno is no longer allowed to around the children without adult supervision.

11. Kunsel began fiddling with a laser pointer, absent-mindedly tracing large slow circles on an opposing wall. He kept thinking back to all the laser pointer related incidents from the past few weeks until he noticed, much to his horror, that a few of his fellow SOLDIERS in the mess hall were tracking the little red dot with laser focus.

Pun intended.

12. Aerith had long since faded into the lifestream where she belonged, but that's not what this story is about.

Thousands of years have passed since the events of MeteorFall, and Gaia is nearly overflowing with mako energy.

Cloud felt as Gaia began remaking her WEAPONS, and couldn't help but wonder as to why. After about a year of searching he found Vincent again and asked him.

The truth was disturbing. Gaia's lifestream had outgrown the planet, and was preparing a new Omega WEAPON to suck the life out of this one and travel back to the "Mother planet"

Cloud eventually found out about Gaias plans for him by eavesdropping on conversation between Gaia herself and the Cetra from the "Mother planet". You see, Cloud has a unique relationship with the planet. He was modified using Jenovas Eldrich powers, and over time, developed his own. The blond allowed Gaia to use his body/very being as a sort of ward against all things Eldrich, and has worked spectacularly well.

Gaia planned to keep him alive as she traveled through the cosmos. That wouldn't be a problem, no the problem was that she planned to encase him in crystal and keep him there for the rest of eternity. When the Cetra mentioned breeding him so that other planets would have a ward, he nearly gagged.

He told Vincent about everything and admitted he was afraid. The only reason he remained sane all these years was because he could travel and have new experiences. He couldn't do that if he was trapped.

Vincent suggested a rocket, to which the blond revealed that Gaia herself always sabotaged the rockets and space programs. For obvious reasons. They were stuck and didn't know what to do now that it was literally them against the world. So when Vincent suggested reviving Mako energy and the SOLDIER program until they could find a way off of Gaia, Cloud didn't dismiss it.

13. Another summoning gone wrong Au where Sephiroth, Zack, and Cloud who are in the normal modern universe and are lovers in a poly relationship, decide to mess around with a spellbook Zack picked up in a shop. They were saying spells out loud and making fun of them, they also did the wierd little ceremonies and made "potions" and had a good time.

Nothing happened, until they woke up the next morning to the chocobo frantically patting them awake with his hands, stunned silent.

There, in their king sized bed, were their trans-dimensional alter-egos, done up with swords and pauldrons and...is Sephiroth wearing a fetish outfit? Said silverette poked his alter-ego with a ruler a few times to confirm he was out cold.

What were they supposed to do now?

14. Final Fantasy 7 and LoZ: Breath of the Wild crossover

Cloud lands in a new reality, but he's too focused on trying to fight the new breeds of monsters and surviving the desert heat to ponder the situation for long

And then there's all those things that keep trying to electrocute him...Clouds not having a good day.

On the other hand he has plenty of things to take his anger out on.

Also, Cloud meeting a horse! Which are critically endangered on Gaia!

15. Genesis finds Cloud post DoC and begins taunting him, but gasps dramatically when he learns the blond has never tasted Banoran apples/apple products. He drags Cloud along to get a taste. Weirdly, they get along.

[chameleonsallinvermillion]

What the hell am I? Who is the Boy who lives in my head? I know him so well. We are, the two of us, sharing a skin and a life, but I am the one who has to live it. I am me, and I am not me.

I am not trans. At least, not in the clear-cut declarative sense that people seem to understand. I am not cis either, except in every practical sense. There in lies the rub. I do not feel cis, but I live cis in the eyes of those around me. What can I claim I am, if I never bother to correct people who are wrong? Can I truly say I am not-cis if keep my pronouns, my face, my name?

I am not non-binary – at least, not in the way that people seem to refer to it so often, as the third option rather than as the vast abyss in which the two planets of Masculine and Feminine revolve. I am not a thing, perhaps. I am not a category. I possess some cocktail gender that nobody likes and isn’t helpful. I am grit in the spinning wheels of social progress.

What I am – whatever I am – is not something easily put on a banner. It’s not what we’re fighting for right now. I’m not even sure if it’s something I would want anyone to be fighting for. My sexuality, that is different. That was always an inevitability. I knew long before I understood what sexuality was where that particular shoe was going to drop. That is a public thing, a projecting thing. I will take to the streets for it if the occasion arises. I’ll wave a flag.

But my gender? That is mine, and I do not want to subject its messiness to the scrutiny of the public. Sometimes who you are is not an artwork that can stand up to the examinations and reviews of critics and scholars. Sometimes who you are is complicated and ugly and unlabelled and that’s all its ever going to be. I am not still figuring things out. I’ve figured them out. It’s me and the Boy, in this body that is bad but not unbearably bad, in this brain that belongs to neither of us.

I am not in the closet. How can I be? I’m keeping no secrets. What would it even mean for me to ‘come out’? The pronouns people use for me don’t affect me at all – I am lucky that way. My name is functional. I have no plans to change my body. Oh, if I could shapeshift, if I could alter everything at will, it would be another story, but the long, hard road of medical transformation is not for me. It wouldn’t help me. It wouldn’t undo the loathing.

So am I cis? Is that what this is? Do all the women I see around me, the ones who talk about how they hate men, the ones who lament the pressures of femininity and the ones who turn them back on themselves as weapons, have their own version of the Boy? The might-have-been-should-have-been Other that lurks in your head, both a part of you and a stranger?

Perhaps if I could start again, if I could hand the Boy the reins from the very start, let him have the body to his liking and steer us all the way through childhood, I would. But that is not how the cards were dealt. I envy people who are sure, who know what they are and are meant to be, who have a clear enough sense of purpose to move fully from one state of being to another.

This body, this womanhood, is a habit. I have grown in it all my life. It’s ramshackle and ill-fitting but it’s home. I have carved out places within its walls. I do not belong, but I occupy femininity like rats in a building. What else is there? Where else is there to go?

The Boy would have been better than me, the right choice, but perhaps I only think that because he never was. Perhaps if he had the body and all the eyes on him, he would have fucked it up just as much. Perhaps I would sit inside his brain and we would have all the same conversations, side by side on the fallen tree in the forest. Perhaps this isn’t a game with winners or losers.

Duality is a lovely word. I always thought it would make a lovely name. Princess Duality. Prince Duality. I do not think I am genderfluid, unless I have greatly misunderstood how that works. I do not change. I am consistently blended. My gender is not a thing with borders, a solid state. It is gaseous and vague, unpinned.

But they say, don’t they, that femininity is a thing that is taught? That man and woman are lessons we learn and roles we are shaped into, not inborn and inherent parts of ourselves. So perhaps this is the way it is for everyone and all along I have misunderstood.

When the hair first grew in on my legs, I shaved it in terror that it would be seen and somebody would know, somehow, what I was. The girl who is not a girl. The boy who is not a boy. When we were small, girls laughed and teased one another for liking girl things. The best way to be a girl was to like boy things, but to like them in a girl way. I never understood. There was something always just out of reach, something that made sense of the difference between a girl who was ‘one of the boys’ and a girl who was not a girl.

I am secret. I am mine. I do not have the answers but I also no longer have the questions. There are questions, of course, and riddles too, but they are about the world. They are not about me. I know what I am. I do not know if there are words for it, or if people approve of it, or if anyone thinks it’s worth their time. Probably not, to all of those things.

It is me and the Boy, and the abyss between us, circling around emptiness. It is good enough to live with.

[transgamerthoughts]

What I Found In The Leaves

Last August, as the lease to my apartment was about to end, the roof began to smolder until the place I lived was full of smoke. When all was settled and done, my apartment had no roof. My room was spared and most of my things were okay—this part of the story being set in late capitalism, I am required to assure you that the things I purchased were okay too—and I decided to leave New York City to return to New England with my family. One of the first things I did when I arrived was look at the sky and imagine I was up there. Falling or sailing or flying. It didn’t really matter. I wanted to touch a cloud, to feel the whipping wind.

I promise… this is leading to something. In the months since, in spite of comfort and proximity to my family… in spite of the arrival of my nephew into this world—a child I would climb a mountain and punch God for if I needed to—and in spite of a happy job… I have spiraled into depression. My solution was work and writing. To throw myself into my job and to, somewhat foolishly, take on the task of novelizing my favorite game: Skies of Arcadia. Because if you’ve read my work long enough, it always comes back to Arcadia. I am proud of that project but it sparked a yearning in me. To truly connect to the world I was writing. It lit a fire. Before we proceed, let me be clear that by depression I don’t mean the woes of pandemic living or some disaffection with the reality of entering my 30s. I mean a deep and painful darkness with all the implications therein. Regardless to say, my efforts to combat it drained me. To the point that I burnt myself out and with some prodding from my boss, took a vacation. Which I am currently on. This is not the first time this series of events has played out. I made a promise to myself when I started vacation: no writing. I am breaking it because I have found, yet again, a moment where I must desperately drain the wonder in my heart and attempt to explain to you that I think there are magical things in the world, and that I believe there is some type of magic in art—in that strange alchemic or shamanistic way—that transfers to us. This will be my second attempt to explain it, and to explain what it has to do with video games. (Forgive the indulgence of this introduction by the way; an editor would surely have cut it all but I need you to understand two things: I am in pain and there's a part of that pain which I think points to something important.) This is a story of ritual and tea. Of how my senses and imagination came together to send me on a journey around a fictional world, in search of heroes who both do and do not exist. As part of my love for Skies of Arcadia, I’ve become something of a paraphernalia collector. I bought an old light novel from ebay, I used my rudimentary Japanese skills to set up a warehouse dropbox so that two fan magazines could be sent there and then subsequently shipped to America, and I have drank tea based off the game. At the time, I wanted to collect the little tins the tea came in; they seemed excellent collector’s items. What I found with my first round of tea was art unto itself; balances of flavor and spice and blends that symbolized characters and connected me to them. These were crafted by a dedicated fan and fellow writer. I don’t have the time to sit and research all the ways in which tea is used in ritual. Because I am tired and older and depressed and writing a blog post that perhaps thirty people will read. Regardless, to my delight I found that the tea-maker had created blends based off the various moons that dot Arcadia’s skies. For those who do not know the game, which I assume is many of you: each nation of the world rests under a magical moon. There are six, with one—a Black Moon—theorized to have gone missing. Here was my opportunity for a journey.

I bought teas based on each moon, and one based on the world itself. I will post a separate collection of all my individual tastings and reviews later. The important thing is this: I had been given an amazing gift. With these teas, I had something of that digital world which was actual. When we play games, we hear them and see them. Perhaps with certain haptics we can feel them. But we do not smell them or taste them or literally consume them. Eight teas, eight chances to smell and taste that wonderful world. To touch the clouds. Quem quaeritis? This is a famous question asked by an angel to the three Marys visiting Christ's tomb: his mother the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, and Mary, who is the sister of Lazarus—the man Christ brought back to life after his death. It means: “whom to do you seek?” I was journeying, one tea cup at a time, around Arcadia. From continent to continent, I tasted their spices and experienced hints of their values, their cultures as expressed through the tea. The question played in my mind: Quem quaeritis? Whom was I seeking? The answer is complicated. First, I was seeking something of myself. The part of me that understood magic and wonder. The part of me that believes in the soul and believes that art, in allowing the complex interaction of creators and characters with players, performs some type of soul-magic. It impresses upon us, real and actual changes. I was seeking that piece of me; that part of me that understood that each cup was a ritual that brought about a communion with a distant world. I was searching for the younger part of me that believed in wonderful things. 

I drank the teas in the order our heroes travel the world, and in doing so I was performing a sort of perseveration of their journey. I communed with some place distant and followed in their footsteps. Which answers another half of the question. Whom did I seek? I sought my heroes. I sought the adventurous Vyse and his dogged determinism, I sought the firecracker Aika and her swift rushes to action, and I sought Fina. The woman I wish I could be: feminine, slight, beautiful, kind, brave. Quem quaeritis? All of this sounds like nonsense and when I try to explain the nonsense, I feel a deep embarrassment. To care in the 21th century, particularly in America, is to be weak. To be publicly vulnerable is to make yourself a target. You must be hard and solid as a rock. You cannot believe in magic or else you are doomed. But here I was, chasing myself and my heroes one cup at a time. And I need you to know that it hurt to do that. 

I went to the corner store today to buy some energy drinks. When I got back home, my father asked: “did you find what you were looking for?” I told him “That’s a very complicated question.”

Let me explain. Let me do the thing that I feel I cannot do well anymore; let me do some game criticism. In the world of games, the entities we control exist as two things. They are actors; manipulatable bodies, guided by code and controller inputs, that we guide around as we see fit. In this way, players have extraordinary power. In some ways, it is a… fraught power. We can, as Soulja Boy did, leave Braid’s protagonist in a perpetual flux state: jumping and rewinding. Back and forth, forth and back. Eternal puppets for our amusement, avatars for our power fantasies. Sometimes, as in the case of a game like Skyrim, our controllable actors are little more than flesh suits But actors are, more than anything, just… avatars. Video game actors are also characters. Within their worlds, which are fictional, they have motivations and wants and desires and dreams. They want to live and grow and succeed. Cloud Strife wants to defeat Sephiroth and uncover the truth about himself, Joel wants to protect Ellie and survive in a cruel world. Arthur Morgan wants to find a calmer life and redemption for his sins. They are, as characters, people. But since they are also actors, we can deny them their hopes and dreams whenever we want. We can have Cloud while away his days gambling at the Gold Saucer and, if we want, we can force Arthur Morgan to murder to population of an entire town. The core truth of a player's relationship to the character is this: we decide if their dreams are fulfilled. I find that troubling and I will try to explain why. But first let’s be clear: I do not think the character in games are sentient entities. I outlined this relationship of players and characters in a GDC talk a few years ago, using highly rhetorical terms and my reward was the ridicule of countless gamers who questioned my sanity. Some made videos about my presentation. It was hell. To be a woman, perhaps especially a progressively minded trans-woman, in games is to know a very real hell. To this day, I cannot go a week without some type of horrid experience on the internet. Some judgment of my worth, some assumption about my competency, or in the worst cases some proclamation about my right to live. No doubt this is part of why I needed my vacation. But here is why I find the player/character/actor relationship troubling. It is not merely the abstract notion, the thought experiment that elicits fun but meaningless philosophical natter. The reason I find that relationship troubling or at least complicated is because for all of their fiction, the characters in games can give us real things. They can, through some type of power—a deep power found in the act of story-telling itself—impart aspects of themselves on us. For instance, they can teach us lessons which we then carry into the rest of our lives. My father, for reasons I can’t recall, once told me: “the meaning of life is to serve others.” Though he does not know it, that truism has been etched into my soul. It is a “thing” that my father has given me. But my father is not the only person who has etched something into my soul. Vyse, that dashing pirate, has etched many things into my soul. For instance: “impossible is just a word people use to make themselves feel better when they quit.” That is etched on my soul too. Just as much as anything my father has taught. So we come to the heart of it: what does it mean that Vyse can so alter my being and values, and that he can do it with the same strength and “realness” of my father? What does it mean for a character, who is also often an actor that I guide, to give me such a powerful gift? Because let us be clear: values are “real” things. When I tried to explain that I believe that certain things are actually true, for instance that looking at landscapes does mean that we are looking at something real…. I spent an afternoon with former Jeopardy! contestant Arthur Chu and a cohort of Twitteristas attacking my philosophical surety. So, again, fuck the internet… I digress.. Let’s explore: I believe in the realness of things because of the depth of the emotions those things make me feel, and I refuse to believe that life is just endorphins, hormones, and instinct. That music or games or anything else can make us weep for joy is proof-positive to me of the existence of a soul; of an ineffable thing that is “us.” Not necessarily all enduring but certainly extant. And if this thing exists, it can be acted upon. I know this because my father, with his truism, changed my soul. Changed the core of me. I know this because Vyse and the others did so as well.

I’ve written that games criticism is a kindness; that it seeks the good in art and attacks the banal explicitly because art is beautiful. I write today to suggest this: art is magical. It alters us, not metaphorically, but in the ways it can affect our souls. Which brings us back to character and actors. I control Vyse since he is an actor and I am a player; but he is a character with dreams and hopes and personality. And values. Wonderful values which he shared with me. So what does it mean now that I can send actors to their doom? What does it mean that I can control them utterly when I know for a fact that they can affect and change me? I do not have clean answers for this. Perhaps there are none. Perhaps all I have written is silliness, even as I beg you to please understand. Please. 

Understand the power of stories, understand it in the way that Tolkein did when he said: “Creative fantasy, because it is mainly trying to do something else … may open your hoard and let all the locked things fly away like cage-birds.” Understand that I am telling you that the locked thing is your heart and soul, and that just as a lover or parent or mentor can open that thing… so can the people we meet in our fictional journeys. Vyse is not just the captain of a ship. He is my captain. That means something. Art is ritual and play is ritual. In creation, we place something of ourselves in another thing. In play, we allow ourselves to be transmuted and changed. This is magic, of a sort. I am left wanting however. I followed the path of my heroes in as literal a way as I could, pulling on new senses to understand the world they live in and touch their skies for a fleeting moment. But I cannot reach them; I am Tantalus in the mire. Ever reaching, ever chasing. For that moment I can be the person that my heroes trusted me to become. Note by musical note, word for written word, tea cup by tea cup, I am chasing my captain. When I went back to my apartment the day after the fire, I looked up at the spot where the roof used to be. All I could see was blue sky and I thought I might fall into it. Perhaps in superficial ways I have shared something with my heroes; I have tasted something they have, even though the tea is not actually from Arcadia. It was merely a conduit to my imagination, to the transformed parts of my souls. Yet, I did not find him and I could not find myself. Which is why it hurts, in spite of how wonderful it was. Quem quaeritis? He is not here. So I will keep sailing after him.

[hxdrostorms]

Cancer Deathmask ;  A  Character  Sheet

BOLD  all  that  applies  to  your  muse. REPOST, DON'T REBLOG.

•  eyes:  blue  |  green  |  brown  |  hazel  |  gray  |  gray-blue  |  other

•  hair:  blond  |  sandy  |  brown  |  black  |  auburn  |  red  |  grey  |  white  |  multi-color  |  other (purple)

•  body  type:  skinny  |  slender  |  slim  |  built  |  curvy  |  athletic  |  average  |  muscular  |  pudgy  |  overweight

•  skin:  pale  |  light  |  fair  |  freckled  |  tan  |  olive  |  medium  |  dark  |  discolored  |  other

gender:  male  |  female  |  trans |  cis  |  agender  |  demigender  |  genderfluid  |  other  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  sexuality:  heterosexual  |  homosexual  |  bisexual  |  pansexual  |  asexual |  demisexual  |  other (graysexual)  |  unsure  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  romantic  orientation:  homoromantic  |  heteromantic  |  biromantic  |  panromantic  |  aromantic  |  demiromantic  |  unsure  |  doesn’t  like  labels

•  species:  human  |  undead  |  shapeshifter  |  demon  |  angel  |  with  |  ghost  |  incubus  /  succubus  |  werewolf  |  mermaid  |  mutant  |  android  |  other  

•  education:  high  school  |  college  |  university  |  master’s  degree  |  PhD  |  self  taught |  ged  |  other (Standard saint training + studies/lessons in order to deepend his knowledge in order to take on the role of a golden saint)

•  i’ve  been:  in  love  |  hurt  |  ill  |  mentally  abused  |  bullied  |  physically  abused  |  tortured  |  brainwashed  |  shot

•  positive  traits:  affectionate  |  adventurous  |  athletic  |  brave  |  careful  |  charming  |  confident  |  creative  |  cunning  |  determined  |  forgiving  |  generous  |  honest  |  humorous  |  intelligent  |  loyal  |  modest  |  patient  |  selfless  |  polite  |  down-to-earth  |  diligent  |  romantic  |  moral  |  fun-loving  |  charismatic  |  calm

•  negative  traits:  aggressive  |  bossy  |  cynical  |  envious  |  shy  |  fearful  |  greedy  |  gullible  |  jealous  |  impatient  |  impulsive  |  cocky  |  reckless  |  insecure  |  irresponsible  |  mistrustful  |  paranoid  |  possessive  |  sarcastic  |  self-conscious  |  selfish  |  swears  |  unstable  |  clumsy  |  rebellious  |  emotional  |  vengeful |  anxious  |  self-sabotaging  |  self-sacrificing  |  moody  |  peevish  |  angry  |  pessimistic  |  slacker  |  thick  skinned  |  overly  dramatic  |  argumentative  |  dangerous  |  prideful  |  gluttonous

•  living  situation:  lives  alone  |  lives  with  parents  or  guardian  |  lives  with  significant  other  |  lives  with  friends  |  drifter (post-series verse) |  homeless  |  lives  with  children  |  verse  dependent

•  parents/guardian:  mother|  father|  adoptive  |  aunt  |  uncle  |  foster  |  grandmother  |  grandfather  |  other (growing up he never found a parental figure, at least not one he wishes to admit it. His former master Cancer Deathtoll, was the closest thing to develop a relationship like that with him. Even though, they have always been master/apprentice above anything else)

•  sibling(s):  sister(s)  |  brother(s)  |  none  |  other  |  biological  |  adopted

•  relationship:  single  |  crushing  |  dating  |  engaged  |  married  |  separated  |  it’s  complicated  |  verse  dependent

•  things  i’ve  done  before:  had  alcohol  |  smoked  |  stolen  |  done  drugs  |  self-harmed  |  starved  |  had  sex  |  had  a  threesome  |  had  a  one-night  stand  |  gotten  into  a  fist  fight  |  gone  to  a  hospital  |  gone  to  jail  |  used  a  fake  ID  |  played  hooky  |  gone  to  a  rave  |  killed  someone  |  had  someone  try  to  kill  them  |  verse dependent