#if someone likes something about me ive clearly lied to them if they think im a good person ive clearly been manipulatively kind or smth

[vorpalfae]

it has been brought to my attention that someone sending anon messages to multiple people i follow on here.

the messages are either just slandering me or spreading lies about me.

OR

i just discovered fhat someone is ALSO sending messages to ppl harassing them ABOUT me. saying things like "katie is so much better than you" or "stop copying @hauntedfae" etc.

basically harassing them about me to try to insinuate that its ME sending the messages.

this is honestly heartbreaking and it angers me so much because i love and wish nothing but positivity for every blog i follow on here.

i wanted to make this post to let all of you know that i do not send anon hate. and i don't even send anons in general. and if you are someone who has received ANY type of message with MY name in it, just know that i never sent it and i do not think badly of any of you.

if i ever have an issue with someone i will ALWAYS message them DIRECTLY. i think its ridiculous and downright childish when someone sends anons and PERSONALLY HARASSES SOMEONE just because they have a problem with them. its happened to me plenty of times. and ive also received messages about other girls and when i get those messages, i always message the person its about to try to resolve the issue. and ive actually made quite a few friends on here because i decided to tal to them myself instead of assuming things about them. like @coffindollie ♡

i do not have any problems with anybody online. and ive had an ONGOING issue with a specific person who has been trying to cause problems with me since 2018. they've done everything you can imagine to me. and i can't even tell you how many ppl have believed them or thought i was attackjnf them because of this person.

it really hurts. i use social media to share the things that make me happy and meet new ppl and i don't want to be associated with or involved in drama and cruelty toward others.

if you have received ANY messages with my name in them i am begging you to please talk to me first before you assume they are true. i don't hate anyone. i don't wish negativity toward anyone. even the person who is doing this.

if you think its okay to hurt people and try to tear them down or tear down their self esteem for no reason whatsoever then you clearly have your own issues and need to be helped. not hated.

i don't want to be the reason for anyone's anger, sadness, or insecurities. and i hate that i even have to make this post.

it literally gives me so much anxiety not knowing who is receiving things about me and who possibly might hate me now because of it. it just makes me sad. i love all of you. if i follow you its because something about you and your blog makes me happy or comforts me in some way.

the online harassment is so unnecessary and cruel. it literally costs you nothing to just be kind to people.

and as for telling people that im "copying them" or that they are "copying me": grow up. people are allowed to like things. people are allowed to enjoy things. and nobody should be harassed relentlessly for having similar interests and style. nobody should be relentlessly harassed for something as harmless as loving the same things as you or me.

life is hard enough without adding hatred and unnecessary bullying into the mix. and if you have a problem with me, then TALK TO ME. im not going to talk shit to you for it or ignore you. we are all adults here. i will try my best to put myself in your position and see where you are coming from. and ill try my best to resolve the issue you have in a way that helps us both feel better about it instead of creating further drama. im ✨tired✨ of people using anon to hide behind while they try to hurt people and turn people against each other.

sorry for the long post. i just don't want issues with anybody and i certainly don't want ANYONE feeling bad about themselves or feeling like they can't post on here because someone said something about me or made you think it WAS me.

if you just talk to me instead of fueling the drama i promise you will see that i don't have malicious intentions whatsoever. im just trying to mind my business and post things that make me happy. thats it. there's no hidden agenda. there's no jealousy or hatred or secret beef i have toward anyone.

i hope you all are doing well and if you are being harassed/bullied then i am here for u and u can talk to me any time💜🖤

i myself have been a victim of bullying and harassment. ive been a victim of rumor and lies. ive been so affected by it to the point where ive tried to end my own life and have self harmed because of it.

bullying is not a joke. you never know what someone is going through. you don't know if your harassment might be the last thing that pushes them over the edge. i still get bullied for the time i attempted suicide because of bullying. have some fucking empathy and understand that these are human beings who have lives that you are messing with. and your words have more of an impact than you think.

thankfully i am in a better place mentally than i was when i first started being targeted. but i still have anxiety. i still get extremely worried and upset when i see these things happening to me or other people. it makes me not even want to be online anymore. and ive left the internet multiple times to try and escape bullies. ive gone months without even posting because i couldn't handle the harassment anymore. i don't wish that feeling upon anyone. and if you need something cleared up or just need a friend you can always message me.

i don't hate anyone. and when ppl are depressed or upset it makes me upset. maybe im just sensitive or just have too much empathy, but it genuinely hurts me so much to see cruel behavior displayed toward anyone.

like i said, i don't KNOW exactly WHO or WHAT is being said about me to ppl. i just know that multiple people have came to me directly with screenshots of things ppl have said about me or have tried to make SEEM like its me sending them stuff. and im not sure what else i can do besides publicly write a post telling you guys how i feel about it.

i don't want anything to do with drama. and i always try to ignore ppl harassing me. but when it starts affecting other people it breaks my heart. its not okay. and i will do my best to try to spread positivity to make up for it.

i love you all༺♡༻ thanks for taking the time to read this.

~ katie

[luckyqueenreign]

Found someone’s predictions about recoupling and they make so much sense

“Alright so my predictions are as follows:

Casa side:

Amelia goes first and switches to Marshall(he clearly caught her eye)

Grace goes next and I think she's gonna overcome her doubts about Ozzy and stick

Bella/Chloe goes after that and based on her "it's better to switch" talk I think it's safe to assume she switches(probably to Francis though Hamish is also possible after all they did have the twerk moment (personally hope this is not the case 🤞))

Finally it's MC's turn and you get the option to either switch to Andy or the other boy Bella/Chloe didn't pick or stick

Villa side:

Elliot goes first, he switches(He has no reason not to since he thinks MC is gone+he has the least amount of attachment to MC)

Ozzy next and I actually think he will switch cause this will then deter grace who put faith in Ozzy despite her having doubts and give Marshall more material to slander Ozzy with

OG LI/Roberto goes next and suprise suprise they stick 😐.

And finally Amelia's partner sticks”

So I dont know if they'll do it like the show where we see everyone come out at the same time...for example if Amelia is first than whoever she's coupled up with would come out and we'd see if they stuck or twisted. If thats the case then Amelia / Roberto - I think Amelia like u said is twisting to Marshall and totally agree Roberto will stick and will be sent packing (if they are doing it like last year where if u dont couple up u are sent home)

I agree with Ozzy / Grace going next but heres whats tripping me up about them. my mc kissed Ozzy on her way out of the villa and I told Amelia that I wouldve picked Ozzy had I had the chance. so it makes me think since he's my #1 LI wouldnt the game want to screw that up and make him bring back someone? bc I hope after we confessed we liked each other and he dumped Grace that, that would be the start of something....idk im still v confused about what the game is going to do with him. def agree that Grace will stick tho.

Bella/Lewie (in my playthrough) so I actually think she is going to stick and the only reason being that FB doesnt usually have more than 2 switches from each side. even in s2 if u didnt switch then it made Chelsea switch. But if you did then she stayed loyal. So I guess the main question is are they going to force us to recouple?? Especially since we're technically single. I think Lewie will recouple...that is IF Ozzy doesnt recouple. so basically is the game going to force us to care about in my case Lewie when ive moved on with Ozzy.

Then boom MC comes in and Shock and Awe everywhere. The boys are going to be beside themselves. There was no mention of this on their postcards!! I think the game is going to make us couple up with one of the casa boys because wouldnt the "host" need to give Elliot the option to couple up with MC too? And that would kind of ruin the surprise. So Elliot will twist and recouple with a casa girl.

We know for sure that Flo is coming back in and we assume Ivy is coming back too because we know she's in future episodes....but I go back and forth on who is coming back with who.

[literaphobe]

I love your take on the wlw Love Square! Now I'm curious about your take on an mlm Love Square

ive actually never thought about mlm love square. but for you anon? okay!

ladynoir: ifl mlm ladynoir would spar so much and be a lot more competitive about whos in charge. boy ladybug is a bit of a dick about how Being the ladybug miraculous holder makes him the de facto leader and when master fu starts training him he rubs it in chat noirs face. chat noirs retort is always about how master fu clearly thinks he doesn’t NEED his hand held because he’s so obviously the more competent one. secretly he is very sad that master fu doesn’t gaf about him. boy ladybug also slowly stops bragging about all the responsibility because he realizes its not a title of honor but a heavy rock he’s been saddled with but he can’t look weak in front of chat or he won’t ever let him live it down. one day they get into a shouting match that ends with them passionately making out only to run away after because What The Fuck

adrienette: ifl boy marinette would be the perfect like. all rounder. good at gaming, good at sports, best grades in the class, extremely talented at fashion design. bro would be drowning in bitches and equally oblivious about the fact that everyone wants him so fucking bad. like without misogyny he would fly so high. adrien would have complicated feelings about him bc gabriel would weirdly compare them and be like if not for the inferiority of his birth, he would be a better son for myself than you <- or something else fucked up that cuts adrien deep. but then gabriel finds out that boy marinette is a mlm and never speaks of him again. even tells adrien not to hang around him OR imitate him in anyway. praises adrien for being a good straight son (without directly saying straight…? idk) and it only makes adrien more determined to become friends w marionette

marichat: chat noir sees marinette on his rooftop balcony and is like um Hey i know we barely know each other but i heard about u coming out recently and Uhhh i hope ur okay i heard the Agreste brand rejected you for their summer program because of it and that really sucks and hes like oh. thank you. i dont know how you heard about that but thats really nice. im okay really. my parents are really supportive and the fact that gabriel agreste is homophobic makes me not want to have anything to do with him or his brand. and chat is like oh… everything? even his… son? and boy marinette is like are u kidding? adriens one of the best people i know. i feel bad that he has to live with a father like that. and chat is like yeah. me too. and marinette is like confused like did u come here just to talk to me about adrien agreste? and chat is like oh um. i actually um. came here to ask for advice on coming out bc im gay…? its half an excuse because every night he thinks about the time he kissed boy ladybug but also he does not know what his sexuality is. hes like. its almost as if hes not allowed to like men. and yet… ANYWAY. marionette is like um. i guess coming out advice number one. don’t tell ur parents if ur dad is someone like gabriel agreste. and he laughs and chat is like haha! so funny! thank god im not adrien agreste! would suck to be him if he was gay! and boy marinette shrugs and is like eh. i doubt adrien’s gay anyway. i hope for his sake that he isn’t

ladrien: something happens that makes adrien’s identity as chat noir almost get compromised and he lies to boy ladybug and is like uh… i have the biggest crush on chat noir? he was um. my gay awakening? and ladybug gets a little jealous because hes in love w adrien and its like wow of fucking COURSE adrien likes chat noir. of course chat noir’s the hot sexy one who gets all the men he wants without even trying! his charms totally dont work on boy ladybug tho. of course not. them kissing that one time never happened. anyway in his annoyance he tells adrien hes free to go for chat noir because there’s no way he’d turn down Adrien Agreste™ and adrien is like hang on how did u know that chat noir’s gay????? and ladybug panics like FUCK did i just out chat based on what i know as boy marinette???? and he backtracks like WHAAAAAT no um i have no idea what chat noir’s sexuality is just um dont u think chat noir looks gay??? gives off such a gay vibe??????? and adrien is like WYM CHAT NOIR LOOKS GAY LIKE WHAT DID HE DO???? and its just a disaster all around

[ms-all-sunday]

Hi! Sorry if this is sudden or unwelcomed but i was wondering how would one go about ''fixing'' Sanji's character and your personal interpretation?

Now what i mean is that Sanji is an already great and complex character who has a lot of good moments and stuff, but the rampant misogyny really, really holds him back.

It just feels demeaning to an inmense degree, like that the only reason Kalifa - a member of the cp9 - won was because Sanji was holding back. Which feels like bullshit as she's a literal assassin and you could easily have rewritten it to make it so he lost due to her devil fruit instead. (or more emphasised).

I dont have a problem with an intrinsic vow but i just wish it wasn't this. I guess i just find it fustrating on how something so misogynistic is treated as a virtue. He could have had another vow instead like 'never kill' or 'don't fight someone when its clearly going to be a onesided beat down from you' or something to that effect. You know a vow that still causes problems when it comes up but doesn't devalue the agency or prowess of the other characters if that makes sense?

Idk, sorry if im being rambly. I finished reading the pre time skip stuff and its been bothering me whenever it comes up. I know it gets worse post-timeskip but i havent read that far yet so sorry if this seems premature in anyway. (I do know about Wano to a degree tho).

I haven't really seen any alternatives to sanji's behaviour - hell i seen someone argue it was necessary so he wouldn't be overpowered. And its kinda fustrating as a Sanji fan as it feels like in these moments his other qualities are kinda getting sidetracked in favour of his perviness. I dont mind he's pervy, but the way its utilised just feels kinda like a coppout more than anything and, well, misogynistic. (which im not saying remove all his misogyny, but tone it down and not make it seem virtuous if that makes sense?)

sorry for going on a rant. Its a topic ive been trying to look more into and i just want to hear more peoples opinions on.

so let me ask you a question anon, where do you think sanji first says something misogynistic? this isnt me trying to gotcha you or anything, i legitimately am curious.

i think how you "fix" sanji purely depends on how sexist you individually think he is. i think it ultimately comes down to, do you think when he treats women positively he's being sexist negatively? how much of that is a flaw to you, where do you draw the line? is your comfort level purely at where you can only stand sanji being negative towards men and treating women neutrally, or do you think you're comfortable with the opposite?

when i was a kid, i learned that characters are just a set of rules you make for yourself that when you add them to a situation and the application of those rules becomes a character. the character is both the solution and the equation, and i think the problem with sanji inherently lies not with his character at all, but how the narrative treats him for those actions, like you said.

i think it comes down to the fact while op does acknowledge and commentate on sexism a little, it doesnt have a strong enough commentary to support the characters like zoro, tashigi and sanji. who are amazing, wonderful characters, but are ultimately boggled down by the fact that oda doesn't do anything productive with them.

for example: both sanji and zoro (in their male feminist debate) are correct contextually, but op should be better at illustrating how zoro's "if theyre women they should be treated the same always" ideology can be wrong sometimes too, which would even out the commentary on them a lot more.

zoro and sanji should also progress as characters to ultimately seeing the contextual side of each others arguments and develop to the point where they know when its appropriate to apply each-others points

tashigi should've been sanjis rival, and helped the narrative illustrate how sanji's habit of treating women favourably can lean into sexism, which i feel like is the point of tashigi even being there but odas got the ingredients but is really bad at making a stew out of them.

i think ultimately the problem is that the narrative doesnt compensate for sanji, not that sanji doesnt compensate for the narrative. i think there's a conversation you can have internally with yourself on whether you want to write sanji as completely devoid of bigotry or whether you want to pick and choose and that's valid as well and i think would inherently apply to sanji even if op's commentary on sexism was well written, but. you're asking me how i'd "fix canon", and i think the fact that sanji doesn't get compensated for is indicative of a wider problem present in both tashigi and zoro's storylines as well (and the narrative also not compensating for them)

[donnerpartyofone]

man i hope this isnt weird and i know its a little weird but ive followed you for a while and feel a deep kindred spirit with you. i know its only parasocial and we arent mutuals so its all good but like some of the things you post resonate with me so deeply and you articulate things abt yourself that i also feel abt my self but you articulate them better than i ever could. also we have very similar hair but i usually weird mine buzzed but when it grows out it looks a lot like yours and you rock it in ways i never feel confident enough to do. idk i just saw your post abt being a bad person but not in the ways ppl think you are and thats like something i think to myself all the time like i wish ppl who think im good knew i was bad and ppl who think im bad knew how wrong they were abt the ways im bad. and things youve posted abt being a stupid person and having ppl be like "youre not" resonate too bcuz its like im painfully PAINfully aware of my own stupidity and bumbling thru like but my loved ones dont want me to think that way or acknowledge it but i think there is something truly liberating in knowing i am inherently dumb in a lot of ways and to a lot of things and i have to work harder to live a good life bcuz of it. idk. im doing a bad job of explaining myself here. but anyways. i just wanna say thanks for putting your thoughts on this website for me to follow and keep doing you, bcuz youre doing it great.

Well I hope it's not weird for me to post this, I suppose it is anonymous after all; it feels kind of private to me but also I am also having a freakishly difficult couple of weeks and it was meaningful to hear someone say "I know what you're talking about." (I think you are speaking very clearly btw) I feel like a lot of the rhetoric society uses to address people who have depression is devised by people who don't suffer from it, like there's a lot of language about how "you're not alone" and a lot of idealizing talk about how great the self-denigrating sufferer appears to others, and that's nice and all but it kind of dismisses the individual's own personal experience of themselves. A person is more complex than their need for extra hugs or attention or something, and a person's perception of themselves/experience of having to be with themselves is not contingent on the perceptions of others even if the external impressions are positive. I don't know, I hate to shit on supportive behaviors but a lot of them are basically dismissive of a person's status as the de facto expert on themselves; I don't really think it's ultimately helpful to make people feel like they don't know what they're talking about, about their own selves. It can be maddening actually, and idealizing talk in particular has a way of suggesting that things have to be great for them to be at all acceptable. Which is really oppressive to tell the truth.

Interlude: In grade school my best friend's class had to do this exercise where they made acronyms of of their first names using various personal qualities, and the teachers gave her shit because for the letter A she used Adequate, and they thought this was, like...bad and had to be corrected.

Anyway I have always written very obsessively and I think it's related to wanting to be understood. Which is not the same thing as wanting to be appreciated, or wanting to feel not-alone. I think I just want someone to say they know what I'm talking about, instead of telling flattering lies or suggesting that something is wrong to say or dismissable just because it seems negative or painful. As if discomfort is automatically invalidating. Someone asked me recently if I journal and I laughed because I've done it all my life, and also because I actually have a SACK of journals under my bed, one regular one, one for dreams, one that's about my dysfunctional relationship with money and materials, etc. And then there's my various blogs of course. I have a couple of semi-pro writing projects going too that I hope I get to announce soon. But it's really all about just the fantasy of articulating something so carefully, preferably in ink (or "ink"), that no one can possibly pretend that they don't know what I'm talking about ever again.

It's funny that we wear our hair the same. I used to wear it half-shaved but my hair grows so fast, it gave me a lot of anxiety. But on that note I must say that whatever pictures of me you see are like 1/1000, I find it very hard to take a picture I'm satisfied with and I often just wind up feeling embarrassed, but ultimately I think I'm just trying to fix some positive mental image of myself even though I know we're all different people at different hours of each day. I dunno. Actually it becomes problematic because a couple of people are always telling me how "photogenic" I am and then I'm like WHY DID IT TAKE ME THREE HOURS TO GET THIS ONE SHOT THEN, and they refuse to believe me when I explain how many pictures I throw out. They think they're doing me a big favor by pretending everything is effortless for me. I have especial problems with my hair, probably every picture you see of me was anxiously snapped at some exact moment when it was behaving! So don't worry, I'm having a really hard time with my appearance basically always. Pictures other people take of me are mortifying, and I'm always like FUCK, that's what they think is a good, representative photo of me? Uh oh. Pictures I take of myself are usually taken in an emergency in fleeting, ephemeral moments where I suddenly look ok to myself.

This morning I went to the church where I've been going since February, a beautiful place full of eccentric older people I have fallen a little in love with. Sometimes I'm tempted to actually convert to Catholicism, like maybe that would be the gothest thing I could do, but I know that I will always believe in abortion and the right to suicide and I'm not too sure about hell or the historical Jesus or papal authority. I just really like it in this specific church. This morning one of the oldest ladies who goes on the weekdays like me introduced herself, she was very sweet and she was wearing hoops that were styled like chains, I don't think she realized they were bad bitch earrings, they just looked nice on her. She said it was nice to see "young people" getting involved with the church, and I wanted to tell her I turned 42 last week, but I might still be the youngest person there! When I met some of the other folks last month they told my husband that he looked like Geraldo Rivera, and then remarked that they thought we were too young to be aware of Geraldo. I told them we're old enough, we're just packed in our own oil. Anyway this is my big excuse to post selfies I was struggling with, I feel more conflicted about them these days, but I guess I'm still compelled. Thanks so much for your understanding, and have a good night!

[arealdisappointment]

Ay yo, you know what I love about Tumblr the fact that you can just do stuff and I'm bored it's 1am and I'm losing my marbles cuz my parents didn't pay for therapy, take some stuff from the note I have saved in my phone called don't trust your mind past 9pm

(all of these are separate)

I think my whole purpose in life is to hate myself, i was made out of a false sense of love and how can you love something thats not real, something made out of lies? It has come time again that i try to reinvent myself because the only thing that consumes my every waking thought is that i hate myself and i will continue to hate myself until i can find a version of me that is worth love. The version of me that is worthwhile the version of me that is enough for you. And while it drives me insane it is the only thing that allows me to keep my sanity.

I miss my mom, and whats so heartbreaking is the fact that i look nothing like her in my day to day life. There is very little reflection of the woman who made me in myself. But over time I've noticed one thing, when i cry and when i am at my lowest i see her in my reflection. I see it in the way my eyes gloss over with unshed tears and the way my mouth curves in a frown as i try desperately to keep my voice from breaking. I see her so clearly im the way my brows furrow together in anger at how unfair the word is. I see it in the way my dimples come out of hiding, and the way the edges of my face soften. I see her when i am in pain and when my anguish and anger are no longer contained inside me, the way i assume she existed because despite the fact that she is my mother, i know next to nothing about her.

There is something so pathetic in the sense of desperately wanting, needing, begging to be loved and admired and wanting to love yourself. How is it that I've hated every aspect of myself since early childhood. I guess ive always known that I'd never amount even a fraction of what my peers were like.I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror since i was a toddler . I am like an ugly beast trying to fool the world into believing that im just like them, trying to fool them into thinking that i am socially acceptable. No matter how much makeup you put on a pig it'll still be ugly. Theres nothing more that i want than to be loved, wanted, desired. I wish there was someone out there who could look at me and want me. In any way shape or form i wish to be loved. I crave validation like it's my only source of life, it fuels me but in a sick twisted way i will never be good enough for anyone. I sit desperate on my knees in front of god begging to be loved, to see the image that i was made in, to believe that im worth it. Every small mistake i make chips away at the armor ive so carefully crafted until the doubt and self loathing have infected me, till the belief that im worthless crawls under my skin and infrcts my very being. My mind corrupted with the idea of dying, if i cant find my worth here whats stopping me from looking on other planes.

"I wish there was someone in my life who I could lean on and tell me it's going to be okay and explain grief to me and walk me through it and hell even just let me cry and express my anguish and this pain that consumes every fiber of my being. Instead I am forced to listen to the sorrows of everyone around me. Forced to comfort those who only ignore my pain. I want my pain to be recognized too, does that make me selfish ? Am I a bad person for wanting to express my pain too? How much do I have to hurt in order to be seen. When will I ever be enough. Am I just meant to bottle everything up and let it eat me from the inside out. Why is it that no one is there for me the way I am there for them. What did I do so wrong in a past life to be forced to suffer alone and yet be surrounded by people"

[calcified--heart]

ask game:

6, 10, 14, 21

26, 29, 32

35, 38

also hmu bby 🔪

6: Age you get mistaken for people frequently think im a lot younger than i am, because im a teeny tiny little creature. a chihuahua among labradors. so like anywhere from 14 up really. its great they dont say anything when i ask for a childs fare on the bus.

10: Want any piercings? amongst other things, id love to get my snakebites done. again. and then id love an eyebrow piercing. cant wait to have had top surgery in probably the far far future bc of nhs reasons so i can get my nipples pierced. i think that would be fun.

14: Biggest turn offs im honestly not sure really. i know what i like and then theres just kind of.. everything else.

21: What I love most about myself i like that im able to feel so passionately. dont get me wrong it can be absolutely shite but i can rotate my little blorbos from the telly in a way that iyou cannot even comprehend. feeling shrimp emotions fr. ridiculously -diagnosably, even- intense emotions also served me well in gcse drama, which was terrible for the most part, but i can authentically cry on command.

26: My biggest pet peeves i hate when people are so so so clearly incorrect. they just have the most atrocious take and i start seeing visions of them being mauled by animals and the like. i have nothing against asking questions and having opinions, but its important to have the necessary knowledge to back up your point. it bothers me when someone says something and i can tell that they think they can get by on having the most basic watched a tiktok on the topic take.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend ive lied to people for a variety of reasons. ig the most recent reason ive lied to someone was to cover my ass for a previous lie.

32: What words upset me the most is it a cop out answer if i say my deadname? its the only word i hear with any frequency that i dislike. i suppose its more about the context in which the words are used than the words themselves.

35: What I find attractive in men i really like when guys are tall. or at least taller than me, which does not necessarily imply tallness. and my absolute favorite thing is when theyre kinda fucked up and weird looking. like yes baby i love your weird teeth and your patchy beard and your fucked up voice. also they should be a little bit pathetic, but you know this already.

38: My childhood career choice for like nine years i wanted to be a veterinarian and when i stopped wanting to do it people assumed it was because i couldnt handle the idea of euthanizing an animal, which was not remotely true. it really had more to do with the fact that i realized it would be a lot, sensory wise. like a lot of textures and a lot of noises and that didnt seem like it would work out for me. also i was a bit shit at science in secondary school so

[myownprivatcidaho]

but also like. how do i say this. its not like he ISNT guarded its not like he doesnt act presentational or have a face he puts on that i havent seen at its strongest and i havent seen slip. its not like ive never seen him vulnerable and he knows that i think. so. and ik he had a tough end to a relationship a while back so it makes sense hed be hesitant to do that again but. why ME?? like im not saying im the first hes liked after all that time but what is it about me that he might even want to be vulnerable with??? like /I/ want him to feel like that like hes cared for and safe and his authenticity is welcomed with open arms. but. you know idk maybe its not just stuff he Likes that he sees maybe he. sees actively good attributes?? but idk like im not sure how often i really show those except when my Presented Persona slips as well. im realizing im gonna have to trust him with myself but im realizing that for some reason he in some sense is trusting me too. im honored and if this goes anywhere ill do my hest but i dont know what to do with the idea i might not just match subjective preferences but he might actually like. see some things about me and think im a good person or something

[sodadrabbles]

hear me out- one more littleboo but like if they were crying or like going through smt and ranboo just helps//comforts them if that makes sense? GEHDDH okay have a good day :]

THE PEOPLE DEMAND HURT/COMFORT. I SHALL FEED YOU, MY PEOPLE

Also, I wanted to address why I use ‘Ranboo’ in these fics, when referring to the actual CC- We don’t know Ranboo’s real name. I want to respect his wishes and not speculate, because that’s creepy. So, I just use Ranboo. A couple people were asking in my inbox. I know Tubbo said his name was Mark, but that was never confirmed, and, again, I don’t want to speculate on his personal information, that’s WEIRD.

LIttleboo IV: Hurt/comfort or bust.

Pairing: Ranboo x sibling!Reader (gender-neutral)!

Rating: Soft. Bad ending, I’m so sorry (NOT ANGST, IM JUST BAD AT WRITING)

Summary: Being a freshman sucks ass, but Ranboo bought taco bell, it’s all good.

To say today was a bad day would be an understatement. It was probably the most terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day of your 14-year-old life. The whole day the universe would launch bad thing after bad thing at you, as if it was somehow testing you in your will to deal with bullshit. Like it was asking you ‘What are you willing to put up with today?’

Your answer was ‘Not fucking this.’

You woke up to your brother shaking you softly, telling you the power had gone out and you were both late. For an upperclassman this wasn’t a big deal- But you were a freshman. Your teachers were going to give you absolute hell for being late, and knowing Ranboo was going to get off scot-free made you a little salty. You had to skip breakfast and had to leave with your hair still a bit messy, barely able to comb through it with your fingers while Ranboo drove you both to school.

Then there was a pop quiz first period- English. You were never terrible at english, but being on the topic of the last three chapters of the book you were reading for class- Chapters which you had not read yet- The test had been a little difficult. Not to mention the hunger clawing at your stomach, and the strange fog that was settled about your thoughts.

You thought you could catch a break through second period and lunch, knowing Chemistry would be an easy day and you could grab something good with your brother, but fate had other plans in mind.

During Chemistry, you were tasked with picking a partner and completing an experiment afterthought worksheet, going over the experiment you had done in class the day before. You were paired with the nice girl sat next to you- At least you thought she was nice. As the teacher dismissed the class to begin talking amongst themselves, you turned to start asking her how her experiment went yesterday. You didn’t have a chance to ask, however, as the girl snapped at you harshly. “Don’t even bother! I’m not doing this assignment. Do it on your own.”

Her voice was pitched and loud, and it caused you to wince back. You tilt your head and try to ask her, but she cuts you off by flicking the paper in your direction. It sends both your papers flying, and you try to catch them, but fail miserably and fall out of your chair unceremoniously. As you fall, your foot comes up to counter balance and you nearly kick the girl in the head- Keyword being nearly. You were sure you were able to stop yourself, and hadn’t touched it, but still the girl screeches and begins screaming bloody murder. The teacher comes over to check what’s going on, the girl sobbing and holding her head.

And then she lies through her teeth.

“Sir, she just kicked me! I was just asking about her experiment and she kicks me!”

She’s sobbing dramatically, and though you’re clearly not at fault, considering it was clear you had fallen out of your chair. Even still the teacher sides with her, giving you a short and disappointing talk about violent behaviour in the classroom, ending with “I have no choice but to give you lunch detention and a zero on the assignment.”

You don’t try to argue- Exhaustion was already settling on your body and you didn’t want to just make the situation worse than it already was. The rest of second period dragged on like a snail. You sat awkwardly at your table, twiddling your thumbs and staring at the walls. You could feel eyes boring into the back of your skull with each passing glance at the students. A few whispers that seemed much too loud yet indecipherable hitting your ears, somehow knowing deep in your soul that the other students were whispering about you. By the time the lunch bell rang you were starting to feel tears prick at your eyes as your own thoughts betrayed you.

During lunch detention, you were at the very least allowed your phone. You texted your brother, alerting him that you had lunch detention. He promised to bring you food before your third period began- The gesture brought a smile to your face. Your third period was your favorite, because Ranboo was also taking that class. US History. You were able to push through detention with Philza’s stream, starting a TTS war with Wilbur in the time you were able to watch. Of course, mentioning you were in detention earned you a little rant from Phil, not doing much to better your mood.

When third period came down to bless you, you could feel the tears welling in your eyes at the happy sight of your tall older brother holding a taco bell bag in his hand. You basically tackled him, nearly knocking him to the ground. His arms flew around you for stability, and you gripped the back of his shirt as an involuntary sob came out of your mouth. 

Ranboo stared down at you with his brows furrowed with concern, his mouth pulled into a tight frown. He pushed you to the side to allow other students to get into the classroom, and released you from the hug to look you in the face. Your eyes were puffy and your cheeks and nose were red, stray tears still rolling down your cheeks. He wiped one away.

“(Y/N), what happened? Why are you crying?” He asked, your eyes avoiding him. You hated to cry in front of people- But the stress of the day weighed heavy on your shoulders. You had just gotten too excited. When you explained this, Ranboo shook his head. “(Y/N) it’s perfectly okay, you don’t have to apologize.”

He hugged you again, and you hugged him back. After standing there for a moment, the annoying ring of the school bell sounded overheard, alerting you that class was starting.

“Tell you what,” Ranboo beamed at you, picking up the bag of food. “We’re gonna go in there, annoy Mr. Anderson, and eat chalupas until we explode. Sound good?”

You smile and nod your head. God, your older brother is so cool.

---

The rest of the day was smooth as it could be. You spent all of third period messing around with Ranboo- The assignment given for the day forgotten as homework that you would sit down and do together before Ranboo had to stream. You feared that your fourth period, Algebra, would once again break you down into a ball of anxiety and terror. But to your pleasant surprise, you would be watching a movie with a substitute for that class.

Your mood had been significantly raised by the time the bell had rung, releasing you from the confines of the building. You packed your things quietly, the hustle and bustle of an emptying school occupying your senses. You had rushed down through the hallways towards to doors leading to student parking. Ranboo was supposed to be waiting for you at the car.

But before you could reach the door, you felt a hand grip your bag, pulling you backwards. Your feet flew out from under you as you fell to the ground, your bag being ripped from your shoulders. You felt you back collide with the cold, tiled ground, pain shooting through spine. 

Shrill giggling sounds from above you. You groan and roll onto your front, staring up at a group of three girls laughing at you. You recognized the one holding your bag from your chemistry class. By the looks of the other two, they were also freshmen. You try to get on your feet, but the girl swings her leg, knocking your hands out from under you. You feel something press against your back. 

The girl from your class laughs as she bends down to look at you. “You thought you could get away with that little stunt?” She sneers, her hand grabbing your face. Not able to think of anything else to do, you snap your jaws, nearly biting her. She screeches and backs away.

“DID YOU JUST TRY TO BITE ME?” She screams, her face twisted in disgust. You feel the presume on your back worsen, and you strain your neck to see who was standing on your back. You recognized the guy as a junior on the soccer team. You vaguely recalled the girl mentioned she was dating a guy on the soccer team. 

You squirm, freeing your hands from underneath you. Just as you were about to grab the guy’s leg, you hear a familiar voice shout. The three girls in front of you scatter like rats- But the soccer player stays. He turns to look at whoever shouted, his chest puffing out as if he’s prepared for a fight. However the color seems to drain from his face when he sees the mystery person- And he runs away like a dog with its tail between its legs.

As you start to stand, someone grabs you by the shoulders and helps you up. You’re met with the mop of brown hair and concerned gray eyes of your older brother. He helps you to your feet, handing you your bag. You thank him as you throw the bag over your shoulders, giving your older brother a tight hug.

You don’t even realize there were tears in your eyes again, until Ranboo tells you to dry your eyes. “Sorry…” You whisper, hand wiping away the water. “I don’t know why I’m crying.

Ranboo smiles at you again, his hand patting the top of your head. You smile at him too, and he leads you out of the school, asking if you’re alright or if anything hurts. You spend the walk to the car feeling grateful you have someone to help you out like that. It has you smiling to entire ride home.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2

Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”

Main Chat

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE

Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.

Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”

Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY

HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY

WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY

WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER

BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO

Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.

Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.

Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE

MOSTLY

SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID

Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.

Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE

Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.

Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?

Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU

Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.

Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS

Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”

Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?

Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.

Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.

Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)

An hour later…

Main Chat

Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.

Wu Xie: guys???

Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING

IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF

Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.

Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE

Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??

I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.

Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW

STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND

ITS GONNA BE OKAY

DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS

DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS

Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.

Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY

THIS AINT ABOUT THEM

YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS

UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?

Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.

Wang Pangzi: WU XIE

TIANZHEN

PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE

Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.

Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.

Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE

WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN

Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.

Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.

Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK

Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.

Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR

I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF

Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.

Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION

Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.

Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.

Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE

YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY

Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.

Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT

Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.

Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT

THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS

ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??

At the same time…

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.

Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two

or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way

Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.

Hei Yangjing: r u kidding

he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me

Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.

Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation

Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context

I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?

The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.

[0rionz-belt]

live blog of the episode tonight

* if he pussies out ill be so mad

* ooooo backstory

* LMAO THE MISUNDERSTANDING

* nice cake cutting skills

* oh the teacher's back.

* why is the detective saying this to the teacher. fuck off.

* why is the floor in this school red. its not a childrens hospital

* oh the "we're cool now". he's definitely covering his ass for when he kills her.

* "you can trust me" ive never heard that phrase ONCE where it wasnt bullshit

* shes a runner shes a track star

* DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

* Oh the subtle heart beat in the background music. love that shit.

* GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

* wait what

* hold on how was he tracking. unless the tracker was in the jacket. does junior have that bitch's jacket???

* this isnt about the show but fuck that dude in the commercial for letting his cat roam outside.

* "i got four hundred likes" i hope you get 400 stab wounds.

* "whats jake gonna do?" hes suspected for 2 murders?

* oh? what is she doing?

* OOOOO A SCYTHE!!! hedge trimmers? whatever the fuck that is????

* okay dont do it here. itll be hard to clean the blood and dispose of the body.

* "i want to apologize" no you fucking dont, dicknips.

* "im sorry i hurt your feelings" "creepy af" I Hate You.

* as someone whos been apologized to a LOT by many people, hers was fucking awful.

* chucky's "nod" and "mhm" made me think of yoda for some reason lmao.

* OH IS HE COLLECTING EVIDENCE

* oh??? and this woman thinks you only need privacy if someone is hiding something??? some fucking detective.

* "wHy ArE yOu HeRe" chucky should stab your eyes out. youre clearly not fucking using them.

* again with dumb advertisments. im not ever going to even consider moving to ohio. ive seen it, its shit. stop suggesting it.

* i hate that entire fucking family except for the little girl. its not her fault her parents and sister are fucking dicks.

* i feel like im supposed to feel happy for lexi during that hug? i feel pure malice but idk about everyone else.

* am i the only one who thinks the camera is unfocused slightly.

* "our daughter is not the bully" Die.

* "communicating with teenagers is a challenge" only if you raise them to hate you.

* "if you tell anyone about this" you better fucking tell everyone

* anyways im going to put on my headphones now because i dont care to hear singing.

* i lied. how dare you ruin that song

* LMAO THATS GREAT

* OH SHIT IS HE LEGIT STUCK

* oh theres the knife.

* why am i seeing a ghostbusters commercial. the 2016 version was good, fuck you.

* AND WERE BACK

* shitty dance moves

* oh a silent dance party. nice.

* you just KNOW that one person is listening to Rasputin.

* god hurry up and kill this bitch. she's 14 and already knows how to cheat on partners.

* more memories!!!

* is that a view master? nice.

* im sorry but that breaking sound effect is cliche.

* oh i see whats happening.

* LMAO WRONG ONE.

* ooooo the "charles...run" at the beat drop

* OH THE MUSIC IS COVERING THE NOISE... NICE.

* lets hope no one turns around.

* IS SHE SMOKING A BLUNT???

* red room...hmm wonder whatll happen in here??? murder perhaps???

* why is your bean bag in the middle of the room. shitty interior design.

* GET HER ASS GET HER ASS GET HER ASS YES YESYESYESYES

* OH A FIRE.

* THE WAY SHE REALIZES WHOS KILLING HER. LOVE THAT

* are they really censoring shit? that literally ruined the whole mood.

* also as someone who wears headphones most hours of the day, they absolutely would have heard that shit.

* god, film cameras just dont focus on shit anymore. even the commercials are blurry sometimes.

* oh. this is the first time he had to murder someone, huh.

* "im sorry" stop fucking apologizing, your dad was a dick and so was this bitch.

* WHAT??? HE MURDERED HIS MOM????

* "i helped" little shit.

* chucky you gotta get out. youre fucking flammable too.

* oh its over.

[passable-talent]

part 4 was so so good!!!!! can you make a part 5? i’m in love with your writing and that series!!! you’re feeding my need for zuko content and i love u for that.

it literally took exactly 19 minutes to get a request for part 5

THANK U THO SHDBCNDGS IM HAPPY YOURE ENJOYING WHAT I DO

been excited to get back to this one, y’all aren’t ready 😏

OKAY I SAID YALL WERENT READY BEFORE I EVEN WROTE IT BUT NOW IVE WRITTEN IT AND LET ME FUCKING REITERATE: YALL ARE NOT F U C K I N G R E A D Y

| part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 |

For chapter five, and my five hundred follower special, we will go back to spring of the year 100 AG, right before Azula’s coup succeeded in their destruction of Ba Sing Se . . .

“So what’s happening?” You asked Mushi as the two of you hurried through the streets of the upper ring.

“Come close,” Mushi answered, and your footsteps brought you beside him.

“My nephew and I are more than refugees,” he began, “my name is Iroh, and I am the brother of the Fire Lord. My nephew, Zuko, is the banished prince of the Fire Nation. I’m sorry we lied to you, but we needed to, in order to stay in Ba Sing Se where we were safe from our family.” Your head reeled, but you kept beside him, because still you trusted this man. You were trained to react and to think, thanks to the Dai Li, so you analyzed his words.

“Were?” you questioned, wondering why he seemed to suggest that he was no longer safe.

“My niece, Princess Azula, has infiltrated the city. She tried to capture me- she did capture Zuko.” Your eyes widened, and your speed increased beside Iroh. “I need your help to retrieve him, and the Avatar’s. That’s where we’re headed.” You looked up at the house you were approaching, half caved in from some sort of destruction. What had happened here?

“The Avatar?” you asked, and Iroh nodded, pausing in front of the door to knock politely. You waited beside him, but held your forehead- you were so shocked about everything you were finding out.

Zuko- not Lee. The banished prince of the Fire Nation. You hadn’t even known that the prince of the Fire Nation had been banished! What else didn’t you know about the other nations of the world beyond the walls of Ba Sing Se?

Why had this information been kept from you? You were training to be in the Dai Li, one of the best and most important police forces of the Earth Kingdom, shouldn’t this information be privy to you? Why wasn’t it?

You were pulled from your thoughts as a girl opened the door, and regarded Iroh with friendliness.

“I need your help,” he began, and you watched the reactions of the other two at the door. They seemed frightened by Iroh- what kind of history had they that you weren’t aware of?

Why were you kept in the dark about everything?

“You guys know each other?” demanded the boy you had to assume was the avatar, who didn’t seem much concerned with your presence. Maybe it was the earth kingdom robes?

“I met him in the woods once, and knocked him down,” answered the girl, and with her gaze that didn’t seem focused on the avatar you wondered if maybe she was blind. She, however, seemed like a strong earthbender. It was one of the things you were trained to pick up on in the Dai Li, and relied entirely on how a person carried herself. “Then he gave me tea and some very good advice.”

“May we come in?” Iroh asked sheepishly, and you wondered why there wasn’t more urgency to his tone.

“Who’s your friend?” the clearly water tribe boy demanded, and you lifted your chin, being acknowledged.

“I’m Y/N, a soon-to-be member of the Dai Li,” you answered, “You can trust me.”

“The Dai Li?” Avatar Aang responded, more shock in his face than before.

“That makes us even less likely to trust you!!” the water tribe boy shouted, and your eyebrows knitted together.

“The Dai Li are the protectors of the city!” you said, though you felt doubt gnaw at your spine- they had kept so much from you, their own cadet.

Iroh turned his eyes to you, and something in his gaze told you to hush up.

“Princess Azula is here, in Ba Sing Se,” Iroh told them, his tone stern and serious.

“She must have Katara!” Aang said, and you looked to Iroh. You didn’t know these people- but that Azula would capture both Zuko and a friend of the avatar meant that she was one of two things: insanely brave or insanely stupid.

“She has captured my nephew, as well,” Iroh said.

“Then we’ll work together to fight Azula, and save Katara and Zuko,” the avatar said, and you felt a little lightness crawl into your heart. You’d be able to help save Zuko, and a friend of the avatar? You were about to go on a crazy adventure.

“Whoa there,” said the water tribe boy, walking back into the conversation, “you lost me at ‘Zuko.’ “

“I know how you must feel about my nephew,” Iroh began, and your expression softened. There was definitely history here, and you’d be interested to learn it. “But believe me when I tell you, there is good inside him.” You brought your eyes to the avatar’s, and nodded, trying to fathom something to say that they’d believe. They didn’t know you, didn’t know what you stood for, and it seemed that you didn’t know much of that yourself.

“I’ve known Zuko for a while,” you said, “and he’s never been anything other than a scared and polite refugee.”

“Good inside him isn’t enough!” The water tribe boy insisted, “Why don’t you come back when it’s outside him too, okay?” Your chest deflated further, and you had to wonder: what had Zuko done, what had Zuko been, that they had this strong of a hatred for him?

Did you want to know?

“Katara’s in trouble,” Aang said to his friend, “All of Ba Sing Se’s in trouble. Working together is our best chance.”

On the way toward the catacombs of the city underneath the palace, you learned Sokka and Toph’s names, as well as the true treachery of the Dai Lee. You learned about the war with the Fire Nation, and had a smile on your face as you took in how lucky you were that the two firebenders whom you had come to love were the only two on the right side of this war.

“Well, whaddaya know, there is an ancient city down there,” Toph said, her hand pressed to the stone courtyard, “but it’s deep.” She opened up a large hole in the stone, heading downward.

“How can you tell?” You asked, and she cracked her knuckles in your direction.

“Right, you’re classically trained,” she mocked with a rude laugh, which made you smile. “I can sense seismic activity through stone. Maybe I’ll teach you, when this is over.” You nodded, intrigued, before Sokka grabbed your attention.

“We should split up. Aang, you go with Iroh and Y/N to look for Katara and the angry jerk,” he said. “No offense,” he added in Iroh’s direction, and once again you found yourself confused on the nature of their shared past when Iroh said “none taken.”

“And I’ll go with Toph to warn the Earth King about Azula’s Coup.”

Aang, Iroh, and you began heading down into the tunnel, Iroh holding up fire for light while you and Aang took turns lengthening the tunnel downwards.

“So, Toph thinks you give pretty good advice,” Aang said, seeming to try to make conversation. “And great tea.” A smile came to your face- Iroh’s tea was the reason that you were, apparently, romantically involved with the prince of the Fire Nation.

Imagine that.

“The key to both is proper aging,” Iroh said, and you laughed under your breath. “What’s on your mind?” Aang paused, and took his turn lengthening the tunnel.

“Well, I met with this guru who was supposed to help me master the avatar state and control this great power.” You turned to look at the avatar as you walked, amazed at both his story and his mere stature. You never thought that you’d get to meet the avatar.

“But to do it, I had to let go of someone I love, and I just couldn’t.” You reached the end of the tunnel, and took stance beside Iroh to take your turn lengthening it. However, Iroh began speaking, and you figured it rude to interrupt him.

“Perfection and power are overrated. I think you are very wise to choose happiness, and love.” With a smile on your face you earthbent and opened up the tunnel further, deciding then and there that you would stick with Iroh. Surely you weren’t to stay and train with the Dai Li, and as it seemed he was teaming up with the avatar, maybe you’d get to help fight in the war!

“But what happens if we can’t save everyone and beat Azula?” You didn’t answer, and let Iroh, both because you didn’t know the answer, and because you felt that the scope of your knowledge and importance wasn’t what it needed to be to even participate in this conversation.

“Without the avatar state, what if I’m not powerful enough?”

“I don’t know the answer,” Iroh said, making you gaze to the side at him. “Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving...” Iroh paused as Aang took his turn to break through the stone in front of you, revealing light and a wide open new space, “...you will come to a better place.” You paused, standing on the edge of a cliff, to look out over the ancient city. There was a fountain in front of you, making the air smell fresh even though you were so far below ground. It was amazing, and part of you wished you could have stayed. However, you knew that there was much more pressing matters, and so you quickly moved along with Iroh and Aang into another chamber to hopefully find the prisoners you were looking for.

Aang burst through another wall of stone, and quickly disappeared through the hole as you and Iroh followed.

“Aang!” A girl shouted before embracing him, and you barely put it together that this must be ‘Katara’ before your feet had carried you to Zuko, and hugged him tightly. You yielded this, however, to Iroh, who hugged him with just as much relief as you felt in your heart.

“Uncle, I don’t understand,” Zuko said, a malice you didn’t recognize glinting in his eyes. “What are you doing with the avatar?”

“Saving you, that’s what,” Aang said, and Zuko began to lunge before Iroh caught his chest. You flinched- this wasn’t the boy you knew at all.

“Zuko, it’s time we talked,” Iroh told him, then looking at Aang and Katara. “Go help your other friends. We’ll catch up with you.” Aang and Katara turned away while you stood still, but Iroh turned to you. “You as well. It’ll be alright.” You nodded, and raced down the tunnel after Katara.

“We’ve gotta find Sokka and Toph!” Katara shouted, but you couldn’t answer her before you heard roaring behind you. You didn’t recognize the sound, but when you turned and saw blue fire, nothing could’ve prepared you.

This wasn’t in your training. It wasn’t in your index of attacks to react to. You had no idea what to do- if it wasn’t for Aang and the wall that he raised, you would’ve surely been charred on the spot.

You didn’t recognize the girl that had shot it, but you felt that it was safe to assume it must’ve been Azula.

Katara raced around the wall and picked up water, revealing herself as a powerful water bender before your eyes. The fight between her and Azula created a cloud of steam, and you staggered back even further from Aang’s wall, your chest rising and falling quickly.

You were panicking.

All of that training, everything that your instructors had ever done to harden your will and sharpen your reaction time, it stood nothing against this. This, with the sister of the guy you were crushing on shooting blue fire at the avatar, and you weren’t even sure who’s side you should be on.

That was stupid, of course you knew you should be on the avatar’s side. But something in your head whispered doubts- she was Zuko’s sister. She was the leader of the Dai Li, who you belonged to.

Azula appeared from the steam and shot two fireballs at Aang and Katara, who were forty or so feet in front of you. You just watched, dumbfounded, and realized quickly that she wasn’t aiming at you. She wasn’t targeting you at all.

She landed on a column, which Aang rocked beneath her, and she fell down to stand between Aang and Katara, her back to you. She kept her hands pointed at both of them, but suddenly, her attention turned toward you.

“You’re Y/N, right?” She asked, and your eyes widened. “I remember you. You’re a very impressive cadet, you could be an asset to me. I control the Dai Li, now, and so your allegiance is to me.”

Just for a moment, Katara’s gaze turned to you, wondering if there was any truth to that statement.

Was there?

A fireball impacted the ground between Aang and Azula and you staggered backward, looking up for the source of the flame.

Zuko. Relief filled your chest- at least you knew for sure you were on his side.

As though time was frozen, you watched as he turned his ready stance from aiming at Aang, to aiming at Azula, and your tension melted away. You could fight beside Zuko and the avatar and Katara, and surely between the four of you the princess would be defeated.

Then, from your position fifty feet behind Aang, you saw Zuko’s eyes land on the avatar.

The calmness drifted away, and all you saw was rage.

Fire blasted toward Aang, and he couldn’t avoid the plume, his air bending keeping him from harm but also sending him back beside you. Zuko’s fire kept coming, and you threw up a wall in front of you, turning to the side with your body made into a smaller target out of pure fear.

Zuko had turned on Aang. He’d shot fire at Aang- he’d shot fire at you.

Aang leapt away to continue his battle, which left you behind your wall of stone, paralyzed with fear and indecision and betrayal and anger and sadness.

Didn’t you know Zuko at all? That look in his eye... you had never seen that before. There was pure rage inside him, and you couldn’t understand it, you couldn’t comprehend how this was the boy you’d cared for.

You heard fire roaring throughout the cave, and the whooshing of the wind that Aang sent back. Rocks clattered to the floor and water shot around the cavern, and it was all too much, the sounds of martial arts and groaning and impacts, you couldn’t get a clear thought through your mind.

“I thought you had changed!” Katara’s yell echoed off the rocks, and just for a moment your hands lifted from your temple. Was she talking to Zuko?

“I have changed,” he answered, and it was in the silence that followed that you made up your mind, finally.

Zuko was on the wrong side of this war. Not as you’d thought.

You heard a yelp from Katara and brought up a hunk of earth underneath you, launching you across the cave and into a defensive position in front of her with a battle cry. Both Azula and Zuko seemed surprised by this decision, but before any of you could react, the rumbling of Aang’s reemergence interrupted the fight. They turned their attention to him, which gave you the moment to send a hunk of stone into both of their abdomens, knocking them backward. However, your eyes turned up with the sound of Dai Li stone chains, and you couldn’t pull your limbs in tight enough to avoid their sudden grip on you.

“No,” you snarled as Katara woke, and brought a ring of water around the both of you. You stood back to back with her, small finger movements slowly dissembling the stone chains around your wrists so you could help her in the fight.

But there were too many agents- you knew you couldn’t take them all on. Not even with a master waterbender at your back.

A gust of wind surprised you, and you broke free in time to see Aang rise from shattered crystal inside a beam of light. It was amazing- and you were stunned into awe.

Lightning struck the avatar.

Katara nearly drowned you in the wave she created, but you pulled up a slab of stone just in time to surf on it behind her, just like you had on summer days in Lake Laogai. Mowing down Dai Li agents, and the royal siblings, the two of you raced toward the falling avatar, before he was caught by Katara. Soaked, exhausted, and tears blurring your vision, you stood between her and the siblings, who walked toward her, as though they were predators, and she an easy meal.

Though you knew you should be watching them both, your eyes were on Zuko. Maybe, there was some of Lee left in him, and seeing you would bring it back. But his eyes were firmly on the dead-or-dying avatar, hungry, predatory, and your heart shattered.

Fire cut off their path and you looked up to see Iroh, who leapt down in front of even you.

“You’ve got to get out of here!” He shouted, looking back at you. “I’ll hold them off for as long as I can!” Katara stood and you joined her on Aang’s other side, carrying the avatar toward a waterfall, the sound of fire roaring behind you.

It was terrifying.

“Hold onto him!” Katara shouted, her grip tight on the avatar as she used her other hand to bend an upward spiral around the three of you.

You watched Iroh face Zuko until the rock covered your vision, and you closed your eyes.

Back on Appa, you kneeled behind Sokka, one eye keeping a watch on Katara as she attempted to heal Aang. But mostly, you gripped Appa’s fur, and cried.

The Dai Li had lied to you. Zuko and Iroh had lied to you. The Dia Li turned on you. Zuko turned on you. Zuko turned on Iroh, Azula killed the avatar. Everything was so messed up, beyond proportion, skewed beyond belief. The boy you thought you might’ve loved...

He’d never existed in the first place.

And though the avatar lived, you laid your forehead to the bison’s back, and sobbed.

tag list for this series- @furblrwurblr @eridanuswave

oh yeah request for pt 6 /// already been requested y’all are fine

edit: | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 |

-🦌 Roe

[sunleaffe]

Lanterns

Xiaolumi (Xiao x Lumine)

A/N: this is like the first fic ive ever written OTL so forgive me if im just garbage at formatting. idk the rules of fics so im just throwing it out like this ahaha

He sat there, alone, feeling the light breeze carry with it the scent of mortal delicacies and faint traces of laughter. The lanterns that filled the sky before him would have been thought to be a subject of his scrutiny. After all, he had told that naive traveler that they were nothing but trash filling the sky, bound to fall back to the earth and clog the waterways of Li Yue. Still, as he sat there, bent slightly and hugging his knee close to his chest, Xiao revered the sight of the thousands of lanterns floating higher and higher as if to touch the moon. How many ancient legends flowed through his mind in that moment, one could never be certain. The tales of Skybracer and the other adepti, all of whom were being celebrated as the night stretched on. He had a pit in his stomach at the thought of the celebrations never being meant for him, and yet he felt a certain lightness and childlike wonder at the spectacular sight. 

He noticed one lantern begin to float closer, which at first he brushed off as a change in wind direction, but it soon hovered close enough for him to reach out quizzically and bring it down to the grass. Who was releasing a lantern this far outside of the city? Even if Li Yue Harbor was within full view from where Xiao was perched, it was still bizarre for any civilian to trek or climb their way up here to release a lantern. Besides, who would ever wish for him, Conqueror of Demons?

Xiao’s curiosity was too much to contain and he decided to retrieve the piece of paper rolled up inside of the lantern, being careful not to blow out the flickering candle that kept the lantern lit. He removed the plaustrite ore as well, so he could set the lantern down on the grass carefully. 

As he read the handwritten note, Xiao almost scoffed to cover up the burning sensation creeping up on his ears. Whoever had written this clearly had no formal practice in Li Yue calligraphy. The red ink was messy and the strokes were too harsh in some spots. Still, the words etched on the small piece of paper caused Xiao to flush slightly, something he quickly forced down and tossed the paper away with another scoff. 

“Traveler, you really are not slick,” he muttered, looking away, knowing that Lumine was hiding in the bushes behind him. He should have known it was her who sent the lantern up to him. No one else would have been so foolish to scale bare rock like she was. There was a rustling sound followed by Paimon’s telltale giggle as Lumine walked over to where Xiao was sitting. 

“Surprise!” Paimon exclaimed, waving her hands excitedly. 

“Hardly a surprise at all, knowing only two fools out of the whole of Li Yue would be so keen to disturb me,” Xiao muttered. Paimon pouted and turned to Lumine who wordlessly took a seat next to the adeptus. He watched her as she made a gesture at Paimon, which only deepened the floating child’s pout, probably to wave her away, which she did so indignantly. 

When the two were alone, Xiao observed Lumine warily. She tucked her knees close to her chest as if to mimic his position and sighed, her voice light and airy yet weary. 

“I thought you two were going to go to the festivities down in Li Yue,” Xiao said. He could see the reflection of the lanterns in Lumine’s golden eyes. There was a wistful nature in her expression as she watched the lanterns float by. 

“We were,” she admitted. “But even with all the lights and crowded streets, it still felt lonely.” All sarcastic comments that Xiao had been thinking of throwing at the naive traveler suddenly died in his throat. Seeing her sitting there in an almost fetal like position, talking like that...it made him wonder if the two of them weren’t so different after all. 

“You know,” she said quietly. “That was the second lantern I released.”

Second? Xiao watched as she slowly turned to him and smiled sadly at him.

“Watching those lanterns fly away with everyone’s wishes and desires made me feel as if I was the only one whose wish wouldn't be answered,” Lumine said. There was a slight tremor in her voice as she spoke. “I understand what it’s like to feel alone.” Her eyes now grew misty as Xiao realized with a start that there were tears in them.

“I used to have someone very dear to me, just like you.” Her voice was now barely above a whisper. She extended an arm as if to reach for the lanterns as if they were a fleeting sense of salvation. “My brother, who I could always turn to, who was always by my side. We would travel for days or months and never feel alone because we had each other.” She curled her fingers as her lip trembled. “But I can’t seem to find him, no matter how far or near he may be. Sometimes it gets hard to even remember his face.” Her arm fell limply to her side as Xiao saw tears glisten on her cheeks. 

“I know you’ve lost someone as well,” she continued after a moment. “You must have cared about him very much.”

Xiao glanced down at his gloved hand and then to the mask that hung on the belt around his waist. His hand hovered briefly over it before he stopped himself. 

“Yes, I did.” He, like her, could hardly remember what that god looked like now. His kind face, his smile, or the hand he had held out to him all those centuries ago. Rex Lapis had given him a name and a purpose in this life, and now he was gone. The sight of the dragon tumbling from the heavens still caused Xiao’s jaw to clench. How could a spark of divinity ever depart Li Yue? How could he have left Xiao behind after everything he had given him? Xiao looked to Lumine as she sat there, crying silently. In such moments of weakness and vulnerability, he yearned for human touch, to have that sense of reassurance without corrupting them. 

“Lumine,” he said. She looked up at him and he felt a strange sensation travel through his chest at the sight of her sitting there. Disheveled, a mess, drowning in her own sea of tears. And yet, the sight struck him as...tender. 

“You will find your brother. The fates will align one day and you will see his face again,” he said, surprised at how much he meant his words. Never had he been so honest and truthful to another. Never had he cared so much for another’s happiness. Lumine’s smile sent another wave of emotion through Xiao. 

“I didn’t know you had it in you to be so soft,” she teased weakly, sniffling and wiping at her eyes. Xiao scoffed, but this time his tone was light. 

“Even I don’t take kindly to sniveling messes sitting so close to me.” He waved her comment off, but he meant it to match her teasing tone.

Lumine laughed now, the sound sending shivers down Xiao’s spine. “You know, meeting you made me realize something.”

“What?” Xiao was keenly aware of her leaning closer to him. She hesitated before their shoulders could touch. 

“Even if I never find Aether, the least I could do is stay and learn from Teyvat. I could try to make a difference in this world. I could learn to love and cherish those around me,” she said. Xiao looked down at her, at her blonde hair blowing slightly in the breeze and the flowers that were tucked behind her ear. The white ribbons on her outfit seemed to wrap around the two of them and pull them closer. 

“I want you to know that you aren’t alone, Xiao,” Lumine said quietly. Xiao’s ears burned at these words as he quickly looked away, just as she looked up to meet his gaze. “If you ever need someone to turn to, I’m here.”

How odd it was, for someone to repeat Xiao’s own words back to him. If you ever find yourself in need of assistance, speak my name, he had told her when he had shooed her away hours earlier, adamant that he had no care for the Lantern Rite Festival. 

“Well, I return your sentiment,” he managed to muster, feeling Lumine brush up against his arm and go still. Sighing, he finally turned to look back at her, but to his surprise, found her slumped onto him in a peaceful slumber.

Did all of that crying tire her out that easily…? He wondered. He had no idea if Lumine was truly human or not, but as he examined her peaceful expression, he knew his karmic bonds and energy would not harm her in the way they did to mortals. So perhaps, he could indulge in this little moment for a little bit longer.

Xiao found himself smiling softly at the notion and he leaned down to brush her hair out of her face. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“Sweet dreams, traveler.” 

He reached over to retrieve the slip of paper containing Lumine’s second wish. 

“I wish for the Conqueror of Demons to finally realize he is not alone in this world.”

[alpacaparkaseok]

Okay right off the bat I’m starting at chapter 7 for a refresher so it might take me a hot second to actually submit this lol

Ahh okay starting now (but also the previous chapters are just as good if not better the more I read them 🤧…still weak against arsons, can confirm)

I’m so paranoid at this point I feel like every line I’m like highly suspect 🧐🧐🧐

Falling Star cafe??? 🕵🏽‍♀️

Lady in red 🕵🏽‍♀️

Someone watching the car 🕵🏽‍♀️ (perhaps Jin is continuing a newly formed habit…how could I know 🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️)

Oml homegirl is booooold bringing up the kiss so casual, I’m thoroughly impressed. Ahh a pouty Tae.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait…wait. Hold the phone. Now hand the phone to me…what do you mean desperation drove her into his arms

(post note: agreed the boy is down BAD - the little wince I give every time he calls her jagiya)

And yet indeed (f’s in the chat for Taehyung you guys). The literal anxiety I’m experiencing with this conversation and the rain…you’re so freaking talented wtf. Also I know Tae was up there for me…but I’m now even more firmly shutting that door. I think the kiss needed to happen tho. They both clearly needed to know, the what if would never had gone away otherwise, like tying up loose ends.

Aaaand “Seokjin appears atop the stairs” so back to 🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️

All the smell descriptors make me 🕵🏽‍♀️ too I’m over here like vanilla??? 🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️ what does it mean??? I know they shouldn’t but again IM SO PARANOID NOW

Okay I’m getting major “I must not tell lies” vibes rn. He??? 🕵🏽‍♀️

Seokjin’s “what can I do”🥺 (clearly my loyalties have not been swayed…yet)

I feel like I held my breathe for that entire flashback section ahhh. Okay BUT I ALMOST SAID YADIEL EARLIER (bc I reread the previous chapters first) but if I’m being honestly for some reason my brain said Yadiel=she even tho upon further recollection he was used as Yadiel’s pronouns for sure like brain why you do that??? Also every softboi™ JK moment feels like a punch to the gut

The casual way he says I had to set some important buildings on fire I can’t. I went from 🥺 (bc of JK softboi™ shit) to 😂 so fast I think I have whiplash now. I love Jin (a continued thread)

OH SHIT 😳 I-

The knife…I got literal chills reading just now 🥶

Tl;dr IT MADE SO MUCH FREAKING SENSE (BUT IVE NEVER BEEN MORE ??? 🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️🕵🏽‍♀️ 🧐🧐🧐 CONFUSED THAN I AM NOW) AND WE’RE NOT DOING OKAY AFTER THAT AT ALL

In conclusion:

We need answers dammit

ok breaking this down because YES

1. why am I not surprised that you actually went back to chapter 7 lol, the dedication is remarkable. but this is good, we needed the research on arsons. It would look like the phenomena is continuing aka we're all still super into Jin and his arson tendencies

2. I honestly thought about telling you which things you should and should not be suspicious of (you mentioned the café, the woman in red, etc.) but then I realized that that would be no fun and I should just let you continue to suffer. sooo happy suffering lol but you're a smart cookie, there's almost everything something to be suspicious of

3. She just needed to bring that kiss up, or else homeboy would have never brought it up I swear smh, props to her

4. for those of you wondering what line miq is talking about, it's this one regarding JK:

"You’ve always made it clear that there was nothing going one between you two, despite the few times you slipped up and the desperation from living on the streets drove you into his arms-"

My only response is this:

5. Ooh, so many mixed responses on Tae! It's interesting because back when I had you guys take the survey, he and Jimin were tied for the top. Interesting. Very interesting.

6. Vanilla. The scent of vanilla. You're right on this one, there's a reason why I threw that in there, once again your sleuthing skills amaze me. you learned well during your time with the pact lol

7. Agh, Seokjin. That man. I see that your loyalty still lies with him, but you're also on edge lol. you know me so well.

8. Dude, the flashback bit was honestly one of my favorite parts of this entire chapter. We'll be getting some bonus flashbacks very soon! And YES! Yadiel was mentioned in previous chapters, as her first kill. Yay so happy you noticed!

9. JK IS SOFTBOI™

10. wouldn't be Jin if he didn't set something on fire lol

11. yes. the knife. I absolutely loved that detail, in the sickest way possible lol

12. I literally cackled out loud at the last bit. YOU'LL GET YOUR ANSWERS IN DUE TIME OK.

[animeyanderelover]

could you wrote prompt 17 with paku? im sorry ive just been stalking ur page 😭

Don’t feel sorry for this darling. I’m not angry with you.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, manipulation, Pakunoda reading the reader’s mind, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 17: “You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?”

What had you gotten yourself into? How had this even happened? When had your lovely girlfriend became a criminal and part of the famous Phantom Troupe? As it appears she had been part of the troupe since a long time. How had you even found that out? Let’s just say...you managed to appear at the wrong time at the wrong place and had witnessed Paku talking to some rather shady looking persons. A girl with pink hair who looked like she hadn’t smiled very often in her life and a man who had looked creepy as fuck if someone ignored the fact how tiny he was. You had been too far away to hear what they had been saying, but you knew that it hadn’t been anything good and had tried to sneak away when the man suddenly appeared right in front of you, giving you nearly a heart attack. Just from looking at him you had known that the gap between your and his strength was enormous. He had looked at you with a look in his eyes that had scared the living shit out of you and had asked you with his hoarse and broken voice who you were and what you were doing here. You hadn’t been able to answer him, paralyzed with fear. He had asked you once again and had told you if you wouldn’t answer him he would kill you. That had been the last straw for you and you had fallen unconscious right then and there, expecting to never wake up again.

But you had woken up again. In a room with which you were very familiar. It was Pakunoda’s bedroom. She had been sitting right next to you, waiting for you to wake up again. As soon as you had sat up she had been quick to hug you and telling you that she had been worried when exactly you would wake up, but you had interrupted her and demanded from her to know who the hell these people had been. Paku had tried to tell you something about that they were old friends from her. You would have believed her if it wouldn’t have been for the fact that the small guy had threatened to kill you and had meant it so you hadn’t believed her. You weren’t the smartest one, but you weren’t dumb either and it had been obvious to you that these people had been some sort of criminals so why had Pakunoda be with them? Was she involved? You bombarded her with these kind of questions, not giving her time to lie even more to you. You had felt betrayed. But she still had insisted that these people weren’t bad and that you had just misunderstood something. That’s when you had snapped and had angrily told her that you didn’t plan on staying with a liar so you just stood up and had left her house, yelling that if you really meant something to her that she wouldn’t lie to you so boldly.

And you had gotten answers to your questions because the very same day she had kidnapped you and had told you the truth. Now you wished you would have just accepted her lies back then. You had felt nothing, but terror when she had told you that she was a member of the Phantom Troupe and that the two guys you had seen her with recently were members as well. Hearing that you had nearly been killed by a troupe member had sent you into pure anxiety and you had suddenly realized in what a situation you had gotten yourself into. You had asked her shaking what would happen to you now that you knew who she really was. She had answered you honestly that she had talked with her boss about this and he had told her that as long as she would make sure that you wouldn’t tell anyone he wouldn’t see you as a threat. When you had asked her what would happen if you would tell someone she hadn’t answered you and had just told you that you shouldn’t think about that, but her undertone had told you exactly what would await you if you would tell anyone. Death.

After that day Pakunoda hadn’t let you out of the house again, wanting to ensure that you wouldn’t get the chance to tell anyone about her or the troupe. When we’re already talking about the troupe, she had introduced you to them after some time, wanting you to meet her friends. This day must have been the most terrifying and interesting day in your life because who gets the chance to see all of the Phantom Troupe members without being killed immediately. Probably only a few. You had clinged to Paku for dear life during this time, not willing to leave her side, especially when you had seen the guy again who had wanted to kill you, Feitan. But you did meet some guys who were more pleasant to be with and if you could choose you would say that your “favs” were Uvogin, Nobunaga, Shizuku and Kortopi. And if you could choose the ones who were your least favorite then it would be without a doubt Feitan and it seemed like that feeling was mutual judging from the way he glared at you. But then again he seemed to always be not in a good mood and you doubted that he had ever laughed or smiled in his life.

You were conflicted about how to feel about Pakunoda now. You still loved her, but locking you up in her house was a bit much to take and you hadn’t even talked about her punishments yet. She had a lot of patience with you and you were sure if you would have been kidnapped by another troupe member you would have gotten in serious trouble for your behavior. But Pakunoda wasn’t them and so you were still healthy and good taken care of. But even the most patient person had a limit and you guess you had gotten a bit too comfortable with her. That had been a mistake because you had found out only after she had locked you up in your room and had taken everything you could have used to pass your time that she possessed the ability to read someone’s mind, meaning you were literally naked for her and had no way to hide your thoughts. You had tried to use her softness for you against her and had planned to escape her, but all she had needed was to swing an arm around your shoulder and ask you if you wouldn’t try anything. You had answered with a no and at first you had been confused when she had suddenly tensed up and looked at you with a disappointed and sad expression. Only after she had thrown you into the room she had told you about her ability and that’s when you had understood that you were doomed. There was no way for you to even think about a way to escape when all that was needed was a touch and a simple question for her to know what you were thinking. It was truly unfair. The worst was that you had been stuck in this goddamn room for at least two weeks and you hadn’t anything to use for some entertainment. No books, no TV, nothing! The only thing you could do was sleeping, wandering around the room or staring at the ceiling.

Currently you did the last one, staring at the ceiling and thinking about your life decisions, asking yourself what you could have done differently to not get into this situation. Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard the door lock being unlocked. You turned your attention towards the door when Pakunoda walked in for her daily checkup. She walked quietly to your bed, sitting down next to you. “How are you?” “Boring.”, you answered her straight away. She chuckled a bit before pulling your head against her chest. You knew what was coming now. “Do you plan anything special?” Here we go again with the questioning. “No Paku. I don’t plan anything.” You didn’t lie. What was the use anyways? Paku knew this as well because you could see a small smile on her face. “That’s good to know.” Your situation was really helpless because as soon as even the idea of a way to escape would come into your mind she would know. She didn’t let go of you and you just assumed that she wanted to spend a bit more time with her. Not like you didn’t like it, her breasts were...soft and comfortable to lay on.

“You’ve been such a good girl lately. If you continue to behave so well I might just reward you. Would you like that?” You tensed up when she said this. Was this a way to test you? Was this a trick? Since she was still in contact with you she read your thoughts and a sigh escaped her lips. “You still don’t trust me?”, she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “You gave me some reasons to not trust you. By the way, you don’t trust me either. It seems like our relationship is lacking the most important thing that it’s supposed to base on. Trust.”, you replied, bitterness audible in your voice. “I really want to trust you, but you just make it a bit hard.”, Paku said. You looked up. “I trusted you once, but you broke that trust when kidnapping me and telling me that you’re a criminal who kills people. But I guess you have your reasons too that I can’t understand since I’m not you and don’t know what you went through in the past. So it’s not my right to judge you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m upset. And I upset you too so I guess we’re both guilty.” You meant those words and you could tell by the way she tensed up that she was surprised by this. “(y/n).” You hummed and gave her a confused look. “Yes?” “I meant it when I said that I want to reward you. Tell me what you want?”

Wait?! What?! Your thoughts started to race and you felt excited at the thought that you would have something to entertain you with. But what did you want? A book? A CD? A movie? Something to play with? “Only one thing.”, Paku reminded you when noticing your racing thoughts. You tried to calm your train of thoughts down to start thinking clearly. “A new CD?”, you asked her hesitantly. She nodded in approval. “Alright. A new CD.” You felt relief flowing through you. To be honest, if you would have spent a week longer in here without anything to do you were sure that you would have gone berserk at one point. A human can only hold on that long when they have nothing to do.Both of you spent a few minutes longer in this position, your head against her chest and her just holding you close. You were almost sad when she let go and made her way out again, but at least you would have very soon some music to listen to. “(y/n)?” You hummed confused and looked at her. Paku was standing in the door frame and her head turned around to look you directly into your eyes. “Is something wrong?”, you asked her irritated. “You said that our relationship is lacking trust.” “Yes?”, you answered her unsure.

“Do you think we’ll ever be able to build that trust up again?” This question caught you off guard. Your eyes widened surprised. Why was she asking this? And why wasn’t she just asking you whilst having some physical contact with you? Like this she could make sure that you wouldn’t lie to her. For a moment you played with the thought of giving her an answer that would please her and probably lead to you getting sooner out of this room. But then you realized that this was exactly why this relationship had never worked. It was right that she had lied to you, but were you any better when you tried to use her love for you to your advantage? No, you weren’t. So you decided to give her your honest opinion. “I’m not sure. Our situation is very...complicated at the moment. But I guess if both of us try to change that there might change something. But I’m not 100% convinced.” Paku didn’t say anything and you assumed that she was thinking about your answer. Before she closed and locked the door up again she said:”I appreciate your honesty.” You sat stunned there, staring at the door before you realized why she hadn’t tried to read your mind whilst asking this question. She had wanted to be able to trust you without needing to read your mind. That told you something else as well. She was ready to try to trust you again. The question right now was would you give it a try as well and try to work this out with her?

[the-family-fortune]

Earlier today Cali asked me quite possibly the worst thing you CAN ask me

And boy howdy did I have some thoughts. 

idk if ive mentioned it here before or not but I have a lot of feelings about the idea of redemption in psy2. I LIKE the idea that no one is beyond redemption, that people can be good and that we are all, at our core, just hurting. and those are the themes that psychonauts plays with. mental illnesses that are seen as "scary" like the inmates (though the inmates themselves are rarely presented as scary, with maybe the exception of Edgar because he's just. huge.) - bipolar mood swings with inexplicable rage, Edgar's anger issues and sheer strength combined into an intimidating figure, and the stigma of multiple personalities like how Fred acts meek one second and then on the warpath the next when he "switches". All of these oooh scary mental illnesses are literally just people grappling with trauma. Edgar's OCD and the trauma from high school, Fred's... weird genetic memory issues, and Gloria's inner critic and the death of her mother. These things are like, Normal People Problems (sorry fred idk what the fuck is up with u buddy ur on another level all together) and really contextualize the inmates' mental illness in a way that emphasizes the main theme of empathy. 

I intentionally leave Boyd out of this because while the root of his mental illness is schizoaffective paranoia, his ROLE as the Milkman and in fact his entire mindscape is the product of Oleander's hypnosis.

So like, I VIBE WITH THAT, its a really really interesting take on the conversation about mental illness and how these things do not make people inherently bad or scary!!

But I feel like, BASED ON WHAT WE KNOW RIGHT NOW, that the Galochios - or, at the very least, Zalto on his own - fall into a different kind of category.

The Galochios from the start are jealous people. They're jealous of the Aquato's fame and think that they deserve more recognition which in and of itself isn't a bad thing per se - wanting to feel appreciated and recognized and seen is just a basic human desire, I think. But jealousy isnt a mental illness. Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we, as rational and empathetic people, must make the conscious choice to deal with in healthy ways. The Galochios don't, and they let that consume them from the start - where they allow themselves to hate the Aquatos for their fame, where they allow themselves to ostracize Marona, where they drive her out of the family and where they attempt to drag her back, it's not the product of mental illness destroying relationships like someone in Edgar's position might experience, but pure pride and jealousy directed towards the Aquato family.

And like from there its just all downhill

And I could argue that from this point things compound to create a mental landscape that maybe isnt the picture of health in the Galochios, because grief can really, really fuck you up, and regardless of how they acted, losing a daughter or a sister when Marona died, could not have been easy.

But I cannot read "the Galochios crowded around the tank to gleefully watch Lazarus's decapitation" and be like "aw they're just hurting 8(" because mental illness is not synonymous with undue cruelty.

Like the Galochios at every turn are presented with A Choice and by god they're determined to make the wrong one. Whether or not this is motivated by grief or jealousy or whatever doesnt matter, because even when you are mentally ill it is still the bare minimum to not gleefully watch someone you dont like get decapitated, u know?

That is, I think, them consumed by jealousy and hate and seeing nothing wrong with it because it benefits them and hurts people they dont like. Thats. that's not mental illness that's just being an asshole

So while I absoLUTEly vibe with Psychonaut's theme of empathy and compassion and understanding that mental illness isnt bad or scary, and that we're all struggling with something, I think that narrative has two sides to it, and the same way that "we're all struggling with something" lends to the idea that we need to extend compassion to others, the Galochios being so stubbornly cruel as to be irredeemable in the narrative of psychonauts two lends to the equally important theme of "but you can not sacrifice yourself for people who do not WANT help"

Because of the nature of the things the Galochios have done (and perhaps, are still doing, as we move into the secrets behind the RoR and Psy2 narrative) I think that it would take a LOT. A LOT. for the writing to pass off a Galochio redemption in a meaningful and complete way, because of the nature of the choices they make. From what I know about them right now, these are not the actions of people who are... hallucinating grandeur or some greater purpose who believe in some hidden agenda like Boyd. From what I can gather and what we already know about the Galochio backstory, this is just the kind of people they are. 

 Now, taking into account Zalto specifically, I can without a doubt see him having some major psychological damage. Like I said earlier, grief can really, really fuck you up, and Zalto experienced more grief than reasonable, all at once, with the tank accident. He was already not the most stable person. ("But Daisy!" I hear you cry, "Augustus lost his entire family in a year and didn't snap like that!" True but look me in the eye and tell me you think he's coped with it in a healthy manner. Augustus experienced unreasonable amounts of grief and as a result his ten year old thinks he wants him dead.)

So if that turns out to be the case, and we see a level where we actually do deal with that grief in a healthy way (which imo would be very interesting to see the trauma of grief treated the same as mental illness - even though we all experience grief at some point, sooooome of us dont quite take it as well as others, whoops!) we could see the baseline path to a Zalto redemption.

But really it all boils down to responsibility for their actions and how they handle their trauma and the fact that eight Aquatos were murdered does not automatically become sympathetic because Zalto was dealing with grief. I personally, would be really interested to see the Galochios as villains end the game as villains and for that stubbornness and unwillingness to accept empathy or help be shown as their downfall, because irl its incredibly unhealthy and self-destructive to refuse help or refuse to SEEK help when you very clearly know that something is hurting you, and that you are in turn hurting others.

I also REALLY don't want them to be given the Oleander treatment.

As much as I love Oleander, I feel like a lot about his character was mismanaged, and he was turned into comedic relief in RoR.

like. A lot of my thoughts on the psy2 narrative as a whole relies heavily on the li-po document of course but the story that we were given IN psy1 vs the story that we are told in the document are so STARKLY different.

"Oleander wants to take over the world because he's angry at tall people from that time from that time his dad killed his bunny, which traumatized him" is NOT the same as "Oleander spent his formative years FIRMLY BELIEVING that his father saw him as a burden because he was small, thought he was nothing better than pig slop, and witnessed the death of an animal that he had a psychic connection to, after which he spent his entire life attempting to make his father proud only to be rejected by every branch of the military. By the time he was finally a Psychonaut and felt he would be able to make his father proud despite his stature, both of his parents died horribly in a meat grinder accident while he was away training." 

 NOT THE SAME HOLY SHIT.

Oleander had so much POTENTIAL but he was kinda shoehorned into a very two-dimensional role. Idk if it was because of budget or time or what, because the production of psy1 was very..... not great. But its absolutely a SHAME to see such a heartbreaking backstory reduced to "short and angry about it"

And it absolutely cheapens his redemption, too.

The fact that Oleander's story was so heavily pruned COMBINED with the fact that - while it's hinted at in game, its honestly INSANELY difficult to put two and two together imo because of how its presented, Ford outright tells us that Oleander's assignment to whispering Rock was the cause of his mental break (the camp sits on a motherload of psitanium. It makes psychics more psychics, and unstable people more unstable.")

that's never once brought into the resolution of Oleander's character arch and the processing of his trauma and how the psychonauts directly contributed to his deteriorating mental state that led him to try and take over the world because they so deeply misunderstand psitanium but decided to build a kids summer camp training facility on top of it

thats like... early experimentation with nuclear materials before we understood the dangers of radiation. Not to stay topical or anything, but its a clearly dangerous substance that the Psychonauts treat very blase.

But to get back on track there, I really hope that if the Galochios DO receive a redemption arc in psy2, which seems likely given the overarching theme of the games themselves even extending to Loboto of all people... I hope they don't butcher it like they did with Oleander's. Given that they've had five years and a LOT more experience with this genre and its storytelling conventions (plus the fact that they're just excellent storytellers to begin with) I have a cautious optimism that whatever happens with the Galochios it will at least be a satisfying conclusion. (For comparison, Oleander's butchered redemption is still kinda held together by the satisfying conclusion of the game, in which Raz actually becomes a Psychonaut so that isnt to say that psy1 didnt have a satisfying conclusion) 

and at this point im sure you're regretting telling me to talk as much as i want because if there's one thing you ought to know about me by now its that i never shut up about the Galochios and honestly I've had a lot of thoughts about them and the themes of Psychonauts and the general structure of storytelling in the Psychonauts games overall.

As for the Galochio family themselves, I'm fascinated to see exactly who survived and what the power structure of the remaining Galochios is. If Zalto makes the final cut, I want VERY badly to know how he treats his family and if his anger has kinda pervaded what was probably a long time ago a relatively tight knit family. I want to see the individuals involved in this, how far they're each willing to go and where that lies in relation to Zalto. Like everyone has their moral limits, and if Zalto is utterly consumed by his goal to either obliterate the Aquatos or resurrect his family (shudder) his tolerance for atrocities may be much higher than that of his family members, which would automatically sow dissonance within the family when one by one people start deciding this is too much, this is too far, we cant keep doing this.