#if i walk down a road at uni i can greet 10% of the people i see by name

[youaremysunshine-court]

kinning Eric Chapman on this fine breakdown morning

[peachyunjinnie]

❝dear dori...❞ lmh ― f.

― summary:

you find a stray cat, and as the kitten rushed outside, she ran to the coffee shop to reunite with her owner and the barista minho.

barista!minho/female!reader | fluff | 1.9k ↬ content warnings: -

a/n: had this idea and it seemed so cute and soft. also this is for @mikoto-ica-fics​. i think the threesome will be the worst fic ever and the most time eating shit but i am working on it!  <3

plus for the other two minho stans i know uwu @mini-meanhoe​ & @nightshade-minho​

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“Go! Go back!” I said to this thing following me, for a good 20 minutes straight. The fast walking of it scared me even more than I usually does. Yes, I am scared of cats, but here I am going home but this cat is not going to leave me. 

“Come one! Go!” I tried and tried, but this kitty is not going to leave me alone. With another look at this cat, I saw that it has no collar. This cat is no way older than a year and is just going around the dark streets of Seoul? 

The broken sounds of this probably exhausted and tired kitten was echoing in my ears. I looked back at this cat, deciding if this cat looks hungry or just having a walk, maybe this cat just wants to annoy me. Gladly my house was just in this area. I got inside but before I could do anything this little thing just stalks in my apartment. Just walking right past me and making itself comfortable on my small couch. I quickly went up to the kitten and started to freak out since there were no animals allowed in here.

“Hey, little kitty. I know you are probably very tired and just want to sleep a bit in a warm place but I wi- Wow I am talking to this cat.” I interrupted myself mid-sentence. 

The meows of this stray cat was translated into a simple and easy ‘let me sleep and shut up’. I couldn’t keep this thing in here. What if someone sees this cat? what if this cat attacks me? what if its owner is searching for this cat? So many questions but sadly no answers.

I decided to close the door and just leave her here for tonight. I couldn’t really do anything else than that, so I got out a plastic bowl and filled it with some tuna. I heard a loud grunt from the cat as it agreed to my decision of the food choice.

The small paws of the cat was visible around the corner as it came towards me and my heart began to beat faster. Even though I made some food for this stranger, doesn’t mean I will stop being scared of this thing.

“G-Go to the couch!” I once again talked with a cat. I shook my head as this cat came closer and closer. I stood completely still and closed my eyes as this kitten stroked against my leg, my knees trembling hardly. What have I gotten myself into? Why am I like this? But the much bigger question is why is this kitty so calm and relaxed?

The purrs of the kitten was vibrating on my leg and my foot. The sound calming me down instantly. I opened my eyes again and peeked down. The cats expression was something in between ‘give me the goddamn food already’ and ‘calm down, im not gonna eat you’. I instantly relaxed a bit from the softness and the fluffiness of this little curled up ball.

I kneeled down and carefully touched the head of this little thing, still having a little distance. My shaking hands caressing this kitten. I couldn't believe how I was doing what I was doing, but it seemed so easy and...kind of good.

The purring and the vibration was getting louder. The cat was falling down my hand and just pushed itself to me, shocked of how desperate this kitty really was to be pet was not what i was expecting.

"You are tired...aren't you." I said more to myself, starring at the weak and already closed eyes. I couldn't tell if this cat is like that because it is tired or if this kitten really accepts me. I shook my head, trying to get all lf this out of my head and put the tuna down.

The instant standing up from the cat scared me and I stumbled backwards to the counter. The kitty couldn't care less and ate the food in a matter of seconds. I was shocked by the fast pace of this kittens eating and I stepped back and watched the bowl get emptier and emptier. How can this little thing eat so much and so fast? Well, at least a thing we had in common.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked to my bed to finally lie down. This day at uni was awfully hard, geometry and math quite literally killed me in every single way. Inhale exhale, enjoying this little moment of peace and silence. Not being trapped in the noisy traffic and just escaping this busy city that is Seoul.

I let the door opened and there was this kitty standing at the door frame, staring at me with a tilted head. I don’t know what to do or how to process this cat that has now eaten is strutting to my bed.

“Oh boy.” 

“Meow.” The kitty hasn’t meowed once yet and this sound scared the living shit out of me. 

“Come on. Go to the couch!” The cat didn’t seem to care about my anxiety rising and just jumped up the bed.

“Go!” She lay down and rolled around on her back, her paws in the air and her playful eyes fixed on me. I saw the little eyes shining and the pupils being small, which meant that she is relaxed...right?

I took my hand and stroked the kitten a little. The purring of the cat became louder and the soft 'meow' was less loud than the other one. The cat stretched out to me and closed its eyes for a little rest. My hand patted her automatically and I lay down again to rest also like the cat.

"No, I did not. Can I please have Nara's transport box?" I asked my sister on the phone, begging to use her

"Y/N, why don't you call animal services? They could help you better than I could."

"I don't want to. I don't want to leave this kitten to those people. I'll go to Mom's and drop her off. She wanted a cat."

"You're seriously giving this kitten to our mother?"

"What else can I do? I myself am afraid of cats and I'll have nervous breakdowns if it meows or moves or even exists in my presence."

"Come on, give it a try. You can bring her to me and I'll take care of her." "You mean it?"

"Yeah, you can't have her with you and I don't want her with Mom." "Why not?"

"Because I know Mom, and she can use everything right now, but not a pet." With that she hung up and a notification came up from a text from her.

‘I’ll be here in 10.‘

A loud knock on the door after I was just done cleaning up the messy kitchen echoed through the apartment. I saw paws hushing to the door and loud scratching noises, trying to know who was having the audacity to interrupt the nap of this stranger kitten.

I stopped mopping the kitchen floor and tried to get to the doorknob to open it somehow. What was interesting is that this cat did not look at me or acknowledged me standing there. The tail was wiggling and I was feeling my angst rise and my hand shake. I opened the door quickly and the cat just rushed outside to the streets. Me and my sister had a moment of staring at each other and not knowing what to do now.  One or two seconds have passed and my sister reflex has kicked in better than mine, as she sprinted after the cat and I stuck to the ground and waited for my brain to process the situation. 

I quickly realized the situation and ran off to catch my sister in this sprint. I saw her hair blowing in the wind of her fast pace and the shadow of the cat that was chasing something quickly. After the 10 minutes I could finally see that the cat was getting slower but after 15 minutes the cat has crossed the road and entered a coffee shop. 

“A coffee shop?? Really?” I asked and was clearly as confused as my sister was at the moment. How could this cat just run for 25 minutes and then casually walk inside a coffee shop with no hesitation at all. 

“This cat is as weird as you are, Y/N.” She laughed, well she tried to laugh even though she is kind of having an asthma attack at the moment.

I stepped inside the coffee shop and was still breathing hardly and was greeted by a very floral and very well decorated. The pretty and visibly pleasing to look at cafe was something between what I would imagine heaven would look like if you would think that heaven was a white and pink and blue paradise. I was instantly calmed down by the pastel colors. The chairs and tables were in a purple warm tone that melted well into the scheme of the place. I was greeted with 2 customers who were each sitting on the end of the room and were minding their business. I walked up to the one barista that was working there. He had brown hair and the prettiest brown eyes, the brightest beaming smile on his face and as I got closer to the counter I saw this little ball of fluff curled up in his arms.

“Oh- Sorry. Do you want to orde-” He started but noticed my big eyes on this kitten, not leaving the sight of it and the kitten escaping his clutches to go on the counter to stroke towards me to push it’s head on my hand that was resting on the hard wooden table. 

“W-Wow, do you know my little Dori?” He smiled and exposed his beaming smile. I couldn’t tell if my world was turning or if I was feeling dizzy. I couldn’t stop starring at his beautiful facial features. I couldn’t keep my gaze from him and stop starring at this stranger that I do not know at all but this magical feeling this man gave me, was absolutely and undeniably the nearest example I could give for love at first sight.

And it seemed that he was doing the exact same with me, scanning me and not looking at me. He was looking through me and straight stared into my soul. My god, I couldn’t tell you if I was dumb or if time and gravity has stopped for a minute. 

“N-No, this cat h-has followed me and I fed her and let her sleep at my pl-place.” I stuttered and never left my gaze from his deep brown eyes that were forming into an eye smile.

“Wo-Wow. That is so nice of you. I was looking for her last night- Can I maybe g-get you something to drink? It’s my last shift a-and we could-” He was as nervous as I was but I couldn’t help but smile hard from the tint that came onto his face.

“Of course, My name is Y/N. By the way.” I smiled at his eyes not knowing where to look at. My face heating up as well and my smile not losing it’s intensity.

“I am Minho.”

[jeon-googi]

Soulmate

— pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

 — genre: Slice of life, Romance

 —Synopsis: You return home from college one summer and are reunited with your childhood best friend Bang Chan. After not seeing each other for years, how will this summer turn out? 

— words: 5.3k

— rating: SFW

— warnings: Seungmin being an evil wingman and a rowdy game of truth or dare.

— notes: Hello everyone I now am a fan of Stray Kids! Something about summer vibes on the beach with the boys really got me thinking and this came from it! The whole soulmate section was from this twitter thread about Chanlix I 10/10 recommend. I also didn’t proofread because I never do so sorry! 

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You weren’t really expecting to go back to your hometown over the summer. In all honesty, you were planning on a two month road trip with your best friends, Senior year girls trip they said and yet somehow last minute, everyone's lives seemed to pull in different directions. Your family was more than happy to have you back home over the summer, but you were a little bummed you weren't doing anything to commemorate your last summer before your senior year of college. 

You watched out the passenger window of your mother's car, speeding down the familiar rodes of your childhood. A fond smile found itself on your face as you got lost in the nostalgia, It had been awhile since you had returned home, and surprisingly, it did seem you missed it a lot. Your mother chatted excitedly beside you, plans she had for you all and what not, but as you zoned back in you heard her voice ask you a question. 

“Hm?” You asked looking back at her. Your mother huffed as she rolled her eyes.

“Chan and his parents are coming over for dinner tonight, so you’ll need to freshen up. His friends are coming as well.”

You sat up quickly, “Chan? Like, Bang Chan, that Chan?” You asked, a little surprised. Your mother nodded, “Yes and they are so excited to see you after all these years! Chan especially. He still always made time to come over even when you were gone. His friends come over as well, they are such a nice group of boys.” Your mother added, not helping your nervousness. Your family had lived on the same street, in the same house, since the day you were born. It was the same story next door. The family next to yours had a son, the same age as you and you both had become an inseparable duo. Y/n and Chan. You and Chan grew up together all the way until college, when he decided to stay and attend your hometowns university while you traveled abroad. You couldn’t lie, the day you left Chan felt like your heart was torn in two, but over time you healed. Gradually the two of you had minimal contact, and then none. Now at the sudden news of seeing your once best friend made your heart race. 

The car soon pulled into the driveway of your house and you spotted the gathering of neighbors who seemed to be waiting for your arrival. You grinned as you hopped out of the car quickly, giving friendly waves to the once familiar faces of your childhood. You smiled even wider spotting your father, barbecuing in the yard as you lunged yourself into his arms. It felt better than you’d like to admit, being home with your family like this. You heard more familiar voices and recognized them as Mr. and Mrs. Bang, you smiled at you lovingly. 

“Y/n my dear! You’ve grown up so lovely.” Chan’s mom smiled, giving you a tight hug. His father nodded as you gave you one as well, “It’s great to see you again Y/n. Chan should be around here somewhere, but I’m sure he’ll find you.”

You nodded, a little on edge. You had at least wanted to prepare to meet Chan, but that didn't seem to be on the table. Would he still be the same Chan you remember? You doubted it. It made you nervous, who has he become in these past few years? You both didn’t mean to lose contact, but with the pressures of school and new found social lives, you just lost touch.

Is he mad at me? The thought crosses your brain in a panic, your family ushering you into the house so they could start the meal. Friends and neighbors flooded the halls of your home and you gave smiles to everyone, until you could hear rowdy jeers from the living room. You turned the corner to find a group of guys sitting in front of your families TV, aggressively playing Mario Kart. 

“Hyunjin is cheating! There's no way he can keep getting these blue shells!” A blonde boy yelled, while another side eyed him, you imagined that one was Hyunjin.

“Well if Chan could stop red shelling me I wouldnt have to blue shell you Jisung.” Hyunjin stuck his tongue out at Jisung but you faltered as a voice turned your head. 

“Guys calm down, she’s gonna be here soon.”

His voice was deeper than you thought it was going to be, and it sent chills up your spine. There he was. Chan was blonde now, but his hair still had that familiar curl to it. His shoulders seemed to be larger than you remembered and he looked even taller. The guys mumbled as they started to pack away their game, but you stepped out from behind the corner, clearing your throat.

“I mean really, you guys don't have to stop for me.” 

The group whipped their head around to gawk at you, shifting in your spot. You gave a shy wave as you met Chan’s eyes, his staring wide back at you. 

“Bro you didn’t say she was this hot.” Jisung interrupted, breaking the silence, earning a swift headlock from Chan. The air seemed to grow lighter as they stood up, walking over to greet you. 

“Hi Y/n we heard a lot about you, we're Chan’s friends and we also frequent your house because your mom’s cooking is delicious.” Hyunjin smiled as you shook his hand. 

“Nice to meet you, and thanks for keeping my parents company.” You smiled as you greeted the rest of the group. The last one was Chan. He walked up to you shyly rubbing the back of his head, his hands raking through his hair. 

“Hey Y/n.” He said simply, a side smile on his face. From the social atmosphere you had with his friends, you were surprised by his sudden awkwardness. “Hey Chan long time no see.” You smiled, rubbing your arm. He didn't make an advance to hug you or shake your hand, but rather settled for a pat on the shoulder. “I think your dad finished cooking, let's go eat!” He said more so to the group as he led the way to the kitchen, you trailing behind. You were now definitely confused, but you decided to try and make the most of the night. Turns out, Chan’s friends were amazing. You found yourself laughing with them in the backyard as they told you about their adventures with Chan and what they know about you. Chan had become friends with the others during their first year of uni, and they all had been inseparable. 

“He’s so much different than the Chan I remember.” You grinned, earning oooh’s from the group. “Tell us Y/n what was he like before you left?” Seungmin asked. You tapped your chin thinking, “He was always a big crybaby, he worried so much whenever I wanted to go have fun.” You glanced at Chan who seemed to roll his eyes. “Plus he wasn’t blonde. I like it.” You added, earning a quick glance from him. Chan seemed to loosen up as the evening went on, returning to the Chan you imagined. The party went great, and gradually people started to take their leave. You started to help clean up the back as you felt a tap on your shoulder, turning around to see Felix. “Hey Felix whats up?” You smiled as he helped you collect plates. “Well tomorrow, the guys and I, we're all gonna go to the beach and I just wanted to know if you wanted to tag along?” You had to admit, there was a part of you that was sad it wasn’t Chan inviting you, but you were still excited for the adventure. “Sure I’d love to!” You grinned, Felix smiling as well. “Awesome well here, that’s my number, but I’m sure Chan will pick you up to meet us!” You nodded as you put his contact info in your phone and waved goodbye. The only ones left was your family and Chans, all lounging in the house. Chan stood in the kitchen, bent over the sink doing the dishes. You smiled, walking up behind him, frowning as he took a quick step from you. 

“Hey Chan umm Felix invited me to go with you guys to the beach tomorrow...that's okay yeah?” You asked with a raised brow. You could see his eyes flicker from your profile to the dishes as he gave a quick nod. “We're leaving at 8am.” He said quickly as he dyed his hands, taking his leave to the living room. 

His behavior was definitely odd now. Shrugging it off you finished cleaning as you heard Chan and his family getting ready to leave. You smiled as they hugged you once more, commenting on how beautiful you had gotten, and you gave a final wave to Chan as he gave you a half smile. You shut the front door, the exhaustion from the day sinking in as you retreated to your old childhood bedroom. Collapsing onto the bed you found yourself falling asleep within minutes. 

You were awoken to taps on your window. Small at first but then growing more and more persistent. Groggily, you sat up in your bed, rubbing your eyes as you headed to the window. On the lawn was Chan, a frown on his face. “Y/N c’mon we gotta go!” He called, motioning to his car next door. Gasping you checked the time, seeing it was already eight in the morning. You opened the window, “Give me like ten minutes I’m so sorry!” You called out, fumbling in your suitcase for some clothes for the beach. In record timing you sprinted down the stairs, waving to your parents as you flew out the door, jogging to Chan who was heading to his car. 

“Jesus Chan I’m so sorry I overslept-” You looked at the car as he opened the door, a smile stretching your face. “You still have the jeep!” You grinned, quickly hopping in with a familiar ease. During highschool, Chan worked at the local pool every summer so by senior year he could have a car. It was a red beat up jeep, but he loved it immensely. 

Chan seemed to be in a lighter mood than he was last night, as he nodded with a light smile, “Yeah I haven't had the heart to get a new car.” Turning the ignition, the jeep started as he started to back out of the driveway, one hand on the back of your seat as we watched the back for incoming cars. Soon you both were on your way. You fiddled with your hands on your lap, glancing at Chan from the side. He did seem to be in a better mood, maybe you could talk? 

“Last night was super fun! Your friends are so nice.” You smiled, earning a nod from Chan. Then silence. It was almost suffocating how awkward it was, so you glanced at the floor of the jeep to see cases of Cds littering the ground. There was one in particular, a blank CD colored with sharpies which you recognized instantly. 

“You still have our CD?” You asked, astonished. Chan cleared his throat as he refrained from making eye contact. “Well yeah..you made it for me in what like..middle school?” You nodded happily, putting the disc into the cd drive, familiar tunes of your childhood started to pour into the car. You laughed as the wind blew through your hair, singing along to the nostalgic songs, and even happier when Chan started to softly sing along as well. As if the weight had been lifted off of your guys’s shoulders, you both screamed along to the song, laughing with each other and returning to the sense of comfort you had made in one another. 

“You had me scared Chan! You were acting so weird last night!” You huffed, earning an apologetic smile from Chan. “Sorry Y/n, but in my defense it had been years since we’ve seen each other, I wasn’t sure how we could just click like we used too.” He admitted and you nodded. “Well I’m glad we're good now, right?” You asked. He gave a swift nod as he pulled the jeep into the beach parking lot, “Definitely.” 

From the car you could already see the chaos of Chan’s friends on the beach. One umbrella was up but they managed to set up a volleyball net and had coolers or drinks and food. Hopping out of the car you collected your bag and sprinted to the beach, the cheers of the others making you run faster.

“Hey guys!” You panted, out of breath from how fast you were going. The others gave you high fives and pats on the back as they took your belongings into the shade. 

“There are drinks and snacks in the cooler, Changbin set up volleyball for us too!” Hyunjin grinned as he showed you where everything was. “Wow this looks great guys!” You laughed as you kicked off your shoes, relishing in the hot sand beneath your toes. Some of the guys had gone into the water and noticed the gathering so started to head back. “Hey Y/n!” Felix called, brushing his wet hair back and giving you a  friendly wave. “Hey Felix! You smiled, offering him a towel from the pile nearby. He happily took it as he started to dry himself off by you, water droplets splashing onto you. “Hey stop getting me wet!” You warned which only caused a mischievous smirk to grow on his face. “Oh yeah?” and before you knew it, you had been lifted from the safety of the sand and into Felix’s arms. “Felic I swear put me down!” You laughed as he spun you around, walking dangerously close to the oncoming waves. Both your guys’s laughs could be heard along the beach, causing Chan to look up from unpacking the extra drinks he brought. 

“They look oftly close.” Seungmin commented, much to the dismay on Chan’s face. “Yeah I guess so.” Chan mumbled, setting down the last of the beverages. “What if Lix likes her Chan? What will you do?” Seungmin mused, picking up a can and opening it. Chan whipped his head towards him, “It’d be fine. Felix is one of my best friends and so is Y/n-” Seungmin interrupted, “You told us all how Y/n was like your little sister. I think you know that’s not true. I’d rethink your feelings before Lix gets in too deep.” and with that Seungmin jogged over to the volleyball game, leaving Chan alone with his thoughts. 

You and Felix cackled as he held you over the waves, which were up to his knees now. 

“Felix put me down or else there will be consequences!” you screamed as the waves started to get dangerously close to your feet. Felix raised a brow at you as his grip started to loosen on your body and before you could stop it, he dropped you in the ocean. Quickly standing up you glared at him, splashing him with all you could. Your laughter seemed to attract the attention of the others and soon one by one, everyone was in the waves. 

The sun hot against your skin as you all tumbled on the sand, watching the others from the shore. Jisung was up on Changbins shoulders, while Minho rested on Chan's shoulders, fighting to knock one another over. With a shove Jisung managed to topple Minho into the cold water, his arms high in victory. 

“I challenge you Y/n! Get on Chans shoulders!” You stopped as you heard his request. This was a game you and Chan played all the time as kids, but as he said before, things were a bit different now. You walked to the shore, looking at Chan for any signs of discomfort. He gave a shrug, “Seems we’ve been challenged Y/n. Let's show them.” You grinned as you waded into the water near Chan. His shoulders were definitely broader than before, all those years of swimming taking an effect on him. Carefully Chan grasped your hands as he went below the water, your legs carefully situated on his shoulders as he rose up. You squirmed at how high you were, but felt a hand on your thighs. 

“It’s okay I got you.”

You tried to glance down at him to see his face, but Jisung charged at the both of you, Changbin surging through the water. You grinned as your hands collided with Jisung’s, shaking between the both of you. 

“C’mon Chan push harder!” You called, feeling yourself slowly get closer to Jisung. As the two of your shoved each other back and forth, finally, with all your power, you managed to land one hard shove against Jisung. His eyes widened as he lost his balance, falling into the water. “We did it Chan!” You grinned, waving your hands in the air as everyone cheered. Chan laughed as he patted your leg before signaling he was letting you down. You smiled up at him, your heart fluttering because this was the Chan you remember. 

This was the Chan you loved. 

High fiving each other, you both made your way back to the shore where Felix stood, holding out a towel for the both of you. “Thanks Lix.” Chan smiled as he took it. You nodded your thanks as well, wrapping the towel around your shoulders. As you walked back to the picnic, you playfully nudged Chan’s shoulders. “I’m glad I get to be here with my best friend again.” you admitted, playing with your wet hair. Chan glanced down at you with a smile, “Me too Y/n.”

The rest of the day was spent playing games and simply relaxing on the beach. Soon the set began to set on the horizon, the sky turning orange and red. 

“Well we actually brought stuff to make a bonfire. If you guys are down?” Jeongin offered, earning nods from the group. Together you and the others began to slowly craft a small bonfire, it wasn’t spectacular but it kept you guys warm as the night cooled down. Everyone huddled by the crackling flames as the banter passed back and forth. 

“All right all right now let's get to the interesting stuff.” Jisung stood up, commanding the attention of everyone. “Hyunjin truth or dare.” Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes at Jisungs as he shook his head, “C’mon guys it’ll be fun!” Hyunjin thought for a moment before answering coolly, “Dare.” Everyone oooh-ed as Jisung grinned evilly. “I dare you Hyunjin, to swim in the ocean.” Hyunjin looked at him with furrowed brows, “Is that it? That's pretty easy-” “Naked.” Jisung added quickly, causing everyone to burst into laughter. Hyunjin scowled, but stood up, taking a running start to the waves, bits and pieces of clothes flying off. Your head turned to follow but your eyes were covered by a large hand. You stifle a laugh, “Chan I’m not five.” Chan huffed behind you, “Yeah but they forgot a girl was here.” His hand radiated heat on your face and suddenly you could tell how close he was to your back, the hairs on your neck standing up.

You could hear a splash, and a scream and you quickly moved Chan’s hand, seeing Hyunjin neck deep in the water, waving back at the group. Jisung rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah alright let's move along, Seungmin your up.” Seungmin grinned as he glanced around the group, “Alright...Felix truth or dare.” Felix who sat a few spots away from you glanced up..”Uhhh truth.” Seungmin frowned as the group jeered, “C’mon pick dare!” Felix groaned as he waved his hands, “Fine fine dare then you bullies.” Seungmin grinned, a glint in his eyes. “Felix I dare for you...to kiss the prettiest girl here.” The air seemed to stand still.

 Wait...you're the only girl.

Seungmin grinned as he saw the shocked expression of you and Felix, “Notice how I didn’t say prettiest person, because I would have smoked all you bitches.” The group seemed to laugh it off, the energy crackling as they waited in anticipation. Felix sighed as he moved slowly, making his way over to you. A tight hand gripped your arm as you glanced back at Chan who quickly removed it, “Oh-uh sorry.” You felt more nervous without the contact as Felix gave you an apologetic smile. “Hope this is okay Y/n.” You nodded, a reassuring smile on your face. Felix gently put a hand on your cheek as he glanced at you. His eyes seemed to wander past you before returning to your face where he leaned in gently. Your eyes fluttered closed, but rather than a sensation on your lips, Felix gently placed a kiss on your forehead. He retreated back with a cheeky smile, a loud groan coming from everyone. You gave a sheepish smile, a bit relieved at his choice as you moved back into your seat. “You didn't say where I had to kiss her.” Felix shrugged as Seungmin glared at him. You tried to take a glance at Chan, but he simply smiled at the interactions of his friends as he sipped his drink. You flinched when a hand found yours in the sand, but you relished in the sense of familiarity without even having to look at who it was. Seungmin rolled his eyes, “Alright Y/n, your turn truth or dare?” You grinned, giving an apologetic shrug, “Truth.” Again Seungmin with the evil glint in his eyes, “Have you ever wanted to date Channie?” Your eyes widened as you coughed, your drink burning the back of your throat. All the boys leaned in, shit eating grins on their face. “W-what? I mean..” You were too afraid to look at Chan. “I’ve always liked Chan. We’re best friends. I have a lot of love for him.” You stammered, Seungmin grinned as he shook his head, “Tsk tsk Y/n lets just make this a yes or no question.” You panicked, nervously shifting in your spot. “I mean..if I dated him it’d be weird right? We’re like siblings?” Seungmin nodded at your answer. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t love him!” You quickly added, the group cackling at the blush on your face. You were too nervous to look at Chan as the game went on, your feelings in a jumble as the game stretched into the night. 

The night went on with games and trouble and soon, everyone was yawning from exhaustion. Gradually everyone started to pack up their belongings retreating back to their vehicles. You wished everyone a good night as you and Chan hopped into the jeep. The ride back was quiet, but not in an uncomfortable manor, just one of exhaustion. You rested your head on the door, the wind chilling your body. Chan glanced around the car as he reached a hand back, pulling out an old jacket. “Here.” He smiled, gently placing it on you. You smiled as you grabbed the fabric and snuggled into it. “Thank you Channie…” Your eyes couldn’t seem to stay open as Chan turned the music up gently. The gentle weight of his hand rested on your legs curled up beside you. It felt too natural. Being with Chan here like this, with his friends, driving with him. You’d be lying if there had never been a part of you that loved Chan. He was your other half, your best friend your entire childhood. Were you allowed to have those same feelings now, years later? The love you had for him, was it even romantic? Your thoughts became quiet as you focused on Chan, softly singing along with the song on the radio, his voice low and rhythmic.

Hopeless, hopelessly romantic

You, you got me stranded

Your hand moved from propping your head up to reaching for Chan’s, your fingers easily interlocking. Chan’s thumb gently brushed your knuckles as he pulled down your guys’s street, quickly entering the driveway to his house and putting the car in park. Without disturbing you too much, he exited the car as you sleepily sat up looking around for him. Your door opened softly as he stood there, shifting in his spot. You watched him with heavy lidded eyes as he brought his arms out to you. You smiled, a warm and fuzzy feeling in your stomach as you put your arms out to him as well, Chan carefully scooping you out of the car. He seemed to have no trouble holding you and finessing his way through your front door. He eventually found your room where he laid you down on the bed gently. You hummed happily basking in the soft comfort of your sheets as Chan took a seat on the floor beside your bed. The room was dark but you could feel his head resting on the mattress as he closed his eyes. You watched him carefully from your spot before moving beside him, your head facing his. Using light fingers, you traced his features with feather like delicacy, Your traced his nose and cheeks, up to his hair and his jaw. He was the Chan of your childhood and someone you didn't know all at once. His eyes gently fluttered open watching you from the side of his eyes. “What are you doing Y/n?” He asked softly. You shrugged, your hand continuing to trace his face. Your hand danced from his ear to his chin before gently landing on his lips. You let them stay there for a split second longer than intended and you halted as you felt his hand grab yours, pressing his lips to your fingers. His head turned to look at you as he let your hand go, slowly pulling it back to yourself. “What are we Y/n?” Chan asked softly into the darkness of your room. Your heart sped up as your answer immediately tumbled out of your mouth. 

“We’re best friends.”

“Are we?”

Chan paused as he glanced at you. “Before you came, I told all the guys how you were my best friend, like a sister too. Then suddenly you were here and-” Chan moved so his hand gently landed on your cheek. “You were here, and I realized you were more than a best friend to me, after all these years.” He laughed a bit, “And it didn’t help too much that Felix seemed to have taken a liking to you.” Chan pulled his hand away much to your dismay as he sat up straighter. “And I’m sorry if this ruins us. Our friendship. But I just...I don’t want to just be your best friend anymore Y/n. As selfish as that is…” he laughed gently. You watched him with wide eyes, as he stood up in the darkness of the room, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your head. “I don’t want your answer now. Think about it. Good night Y/n.”

You were left all alone in the dark. 

The smell of breakfast was what woke you up. Your stomach growled hungrily as you made your way downstairs, your family seated at the breakfast table. “Looks like you had fun yesterday,” Your mother smiled as she served you a plate. You smiled, the memories of last night replaying in your head. Especially Chan’s confession. “Hey mom-” you asked as she nodded, alerting you she was listening. “Did you ever think..did you ever think Chan and I would date?” Your mother paused before laughing wholeheartedly. “I mean of course we did, Chan’s mother and I even thought you’d both get married! It was quite a shock you both lost contact.” She admitted. Your heart lurched in your stomach, so you weren’t the only one who wanted this to happen? Your mother smiled sympathetically at the confusion on your face as she placed a hand on your shoulder. “Sometimes Y/n, there's a person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. Someone who inspires you to become a better person, someone you’ll carry with you forever. Chan was the person who knew you and believed in you before anyone else did. No matter your feelings, he will always love you and nothing could ever change that.” 

Your heart started to pound in your chest, everything becoming very clear to you. 

You knew you loved Chan. What you didn’t know was that it was this kind of love. 

Grinning you stood up from your chair, quickly running to the front of the house, tugging on your shoes. “I’ll be back!” Your mother chuckled as she waved, the front door slamming shut. “She just realized she loves him, didn't she hun?” 

It takes 10 seconds to run from your front door to Chans. Which was not enough time for you to formulate what you were going to say as you already rang the doorbell. Luckily it was Chan’s mother who opened the door. “Y/n dear! What can I do for you?” Your heart was in your throat as you gave her a smile, “Is Chan here?” She smiled and shook her head, “He went for a run down to the beach, he usually spends his mornings there. Feel free to take a bike and head down there!” You smiled your thanks, locating Chan’s old bike on the side of the house. Quickly you rode down the road, thankful for this time to yourself. What were you going to say? What if he was upset? What if he regrets what he said? The beach was approaching quicker than you anticipated. The cool ocean breeze gently blowing through your hair. The entire shore was empty, but you could make out one figure close to the water. Setting the bike at the start of the sand, you moved as quick as you could, a dumb grin on your face. “Chan!” You called out, watching him turn around with a shocked look on his face. He was still far away enough he had to yell out, “Y/n! What are you doing here?” You laughed as your legs picked up speed, he was here. He was happy to see you. 

Once he was close enough, your arms wrapped around his neck tightly, causing him to stumble back onto the soft sand beneath you too. You let out an oomph as you landed on his chest, a laugh emerging from both of your throats. You stared down at him, a confused smile on his face. “What's going on Y/N-” “Chan I love you.” You interrupted. He stopped, his mouth open as he searched your face for any signs of joking with him. “I’ve always loved you. You’re my soulmate Channie.” Chan's eyes glossed over at your confession as you lowered your head down, resting your forehead against his. 

The waves crashed against the shore as you two stayed like that for a while, simply wrapped up in one another. You placed soft kisses on Chan’s nose and cheeks as he happily closed his eyes. He then chased your lips with his own, smiling against you, his hand rising up to cup your cheek. “I couldn’t help falling in love with you.” Chan whispered to you as you both sat on the beach together, hands intertwined. 

What is a soulmate?

Sometimes, it’s like a best friend but more.

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [3] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“I think I’m going to start wearing sequins to work.” It’s an idle thought that Ash speaks into existence on Wednesday afternoon in the back of a lecture hall. Freddie’s slumped over his desk, barely paying attention to the professor at the front, and makes a noise of agreement. 

“You should; more people should wear sequins to work.” Yawning loudly, he waves off the professor’s stare with a weak smile, before resting his head on his arms to look at Ash. “You’ve already got it ready, don’t you?” Half-smiling as she nods, grinning bashfully.

“Black sequinned, button up, sleeveless.” Whistling low through her teeth, Ash’s eyes glazed over at the mere thought of the shirt. “I’m gonna get so many tips.” After a beat, she flushed, turning her mischievous expression on Freddie. “And Smile’s playing, so Dave’ll be in the back room all night.” At his confused look, Ash leaned down to rest her own cheek against the desk, eye to eye with her friend. “Okay, so they’re the only uni band we hire, usually it’s just middle-aged dudes trying to be hip,” she rolls her eyes at that, and Freddie has to repress a smile of his own, “and good ol’ Uncle Dave takes one look at ‘em walking through the front door and he’ll grab a bottle o’ rum from the back shelf and wave me over to them,” her voice has dropped so that only Freddie could hear her, and he can see her barely contained laughter, “which, while hilarious, means I can wear basically anything I want.” 

“Don’t you do that anyways?” Freddie’s grinning outright now, amused at Ash’s quiet passion, but she doesn’t seem offended by the question, just laughs.

“I mean, yeah, but Dave’s always there and I don’t want him seeing me with like, more than three buttons undone.” Sighing wistfully, Ash closes her eyes, lets herself relax against the desk. “But every time Smile plays, he fucks off, I can undo a few extra buttons- Fred, I made like fifty pounds in tips last time! Fifty! Ate like a king at McDonalds that night.” It took everything Freddie had in him not to burst out laughing at her content expression, but moments later when the class was dismissed, he couldn’t help himself.

“At least buy yourself some real food now that you’ve got a job.” He admonishes her, ignoring her groan of protest.

“But no shops are open at two in the morning, Freds,” she whined, dragging her feet as she trailed behind him, cutting through the swathe of other students as they headed to the exit, “at that point I’m just hungry, and hamburgers are easy to find and so good.”

“How you function in regular society continues to baffle me.” He said fondly as the two of them made their way to their favourite afternoon coffee spot, bickering back and forth as they were often want to do. The week passes relatively uneventfully, and by the time it’s Friday, and Dave has complimented her appropriately buttoned, sequinned shirt, - “It’s nice; it’ll go over well with the kids.” - he’s all but absconded into his office as the band walks through the door.

“Evenin’ boys!” Maureen greets them warmly from behind the bar, drying off cups and hanging them up. Ash is already making her way around to greet them, grinning brightly at the trio.

“Hey, how’s it going boys? Ready for a good show?” It’s the fifth time they’ve performed here in just over two months, and Ash feels like she’s really getting to know them. After their final set for the past three times she’s taken a smoke break, the first time she and Brian shared a cigarette, the two of them looking up at the stars as he tried to point out constellations around the light pollution.

“You really know a lot about this stuff, don’t you?” She smiles at him, fondly amused, and he smiles back, a toothy grin filled with pride.

“I’d hope so, uni’s too bloody expensive to have it wasted.” And that’s how she learns he’s studying astrophysics. He joins her again the next time, though she’s quiet, listening as he and Roger banter back and forth about the quality of their performances for the night. Her hatred of Roger had softened somewhat, though it’s probably because she refuses to speak more than three words to him outside of serving him at the bar, so she feels like she hasn’t had to really deal with him. 

She’s seen him, of course, picking up pretty girls at Maureen’s end of the bar, the way they practically drape themselves over him at the sofa by the stage, has heard Brian complain more than once;

“At least go to her place, need I remind you how thin our walls are?” And maybe when she hears it for the first time she chokes on smoke in her lungs and Brian has to slap her on the back to try and help her through it. And maybe the second time her pencil presses down on the line of the dress she’s sketching a little too harshly, a little off from where she wanted, enough that she has to scrap the whole page, but that’s just what he’s like, she knew it from the moment she saw him, and part of her thinks she’s happy to be proven right.

The last time they’d played, Tim talked her ear off about his own performance while Roger and Brian loaded their stuff into the back of Roger’s van, and while Tim’s self-importance bored her almost to tears, she amused herself watching Roger become increasingly annoyed. Small victories.

“It’s going well, thanks Rocket, how about you?” Brian puts his guitar case down by the stage to walk forward and wrap Ash in a hug, which she returns.

“I’m good; always better with you guys around, I can pretend I’m in charge.” And she’s grinning brightly when she steps back. Brian’s always been the friendliest of the bunch, well, Roger may take the top spot for that in general, but not in the way that counts. Speaking of Roger, when she spots him, he’s actually giving her a smile, though his eyes are fixed more on her shirt.

“You’re very sparkly tonight, Ash.” Tim’s mild grin snaps her out of where she was forming a suspicious glare at the drummer, and she smoothed out her shirt, enjoying the sensation of the sequins passing beneath her fingers.

“It’s a good look on you.” Roger adds, gaze moving up to look at her face, and she gives him a proud little smirk in return.

“Made it myself.” And she lets herself bathe in the surprised compliments they offered, ignoring Maureen laughing over by the bar. The boys start setting up and Ash heads back to grab them each a drink before students start pouring in.

By the time the first set’s finished, she’s unbuttoned two more buttons on her blouse and had an old man who looked very out of place surrounded by students try and slip £10 directly into her cleavage. Taking the money from him and placing it there herself, she gives him his drink and her most winning smile before turning to the next customer.

“So that’s what it’s for, to distract hapless young men so you can take their cash?” Roger was grinning at her across the bar and Ash felt her whole body tense.

“What?” She snapped, not taking her eyes off of his as she tucked the note further out of sight, though his own eyes followed the movement.

“The shiny shirt.” He explained, finally pulling his gaze back up to meet hers. Gaze icy, she cocked her hip, crossing her arms beneath her chest. A single raised eyebrow was all the answer he received, though it seemed to be enough of a confirmation for him as his smile stretched into one of mischief, and he ordered another round of drinks for the band. She gives him her sharpest smile when she passes them over, but doesn’t say anything, and he leaves with a smirk and an eye roll.

“This whole passive-aggressive ‘hating-me’ thing is getting old, Pocket Rocket.” He’s the only one of the band members who uses the full nickname anymore, and she’s pretty sure he’s taking the piss every time he does. The other two band members are still inside when she goes on her break after they finish for the night. She hasn’t even pulled out her lighter when the back door comes crashing open and Roger walks through; he doesn’t even see her before he starts talking, just knows she’s there.

“Alright, I’ll drop the passive;” she said, focusing on the flick of her her lighter and taking the first puff of the cigarette before looking up at him, “fuck off.” The words were spoken around the cigarette, but even so, a phrase that universal was understandable no matter how it’s said.

“I’m just wondering what I did to warrant it.” Turning, he leaned against the closed doors of the van, crossing his arms as he looks back at her.

“I don’t like you, Roger,” Ash leaned back in kind, kicking her legs out in front of her, crossing her ankles as she relaxed against the brick wall, “because you’re the sort of boy who breaks pretty girls’ hearts.” As if to punctuate her statement, she takes another draft on her cigarette, and tries not to read into the way Roger’s regarding her curiously.

“Pretty girls like you?” It takes her a moment to recognise his tone, not that she hadn’t heard it before, not that hadn’t even used it herself before, but because he’d never been so brazen about it with her. He was flirting! The nerve!

“Oh, you wish.” Ashe couldn’t help but laugh at that, hating the blush that rose in her cheeks as she looked away, casting her gaze to the road at the edge of the car park. Roger watched for a long moment, enjoying the genuine, if amused, smile that lit up her face; he was so used to seeing the artificial mask she put up whenever she focused on him.

“You’re a hypocrite, love.” He calls, and the smile is gone in an instant, replaced with a frown that she levels directly at him. It doesn’t deter him, however, it was something he’d been wanting to bring up for the past two weeks, after he did a little digging about her, seeing if any of his friends from uni knew about her. “Yeah, I know about you and your first year, Ashley.” Her blood runs cold, expression was unreadable, which only served to make him more smug. “We do have a few friends in common, you know; pretty boys with broken hearts.” And finally he felt like he had clawed back to an inch of moral high ground.

For a long moment, she looks at him, expression fading to a thoughtful frown, cigarette sizzling away in her grip, though she did nothing about it. It’s still mostly intact, but she throws it on the ground, stamping the cigarette out with the heel of her boot against the gravel.

“‘s not the same.” Her voice is hollow, lips pursed, avoiding his gaze. Standing, she seems to hover for a moment, unsure of whether or not she was going to head back inside. “I’m a slut but I’m not a romantic about it, I’m not some wannabe rockstar reeling in boys with doe-eyed looks that promise the world, unlike some people.” Whole demeanour shifting, Roger’s surprised when she steps towards him, sneering. 

“I never really went for boys.” Roger mused, deliberately missing the point of her words as he moved from the van, meeting her halfway.

“You know what I’m saying; I only ever promised one night, don’t flatter me by thinking that’s all it takes for me to break a heart.” Her voice was a dangerous purr, the two of them standing barely a foot apart.

“And you think one night with me- ?” He’s grinning at her, nothing but amused in the face of her anger.

“Don’t flatter yourself either, you prey upon girls who already think you hang stars in the sky, it’s not the night that breaks them, it’s the morning after.” Ash snarls, her rant having filled her with adrenaline, and she waits, buzzing with anticipating about how he’d respond.

“You willing to test that theory?” With a tilt of his head and a slight smile, he looks her up and down, quietly delighting in the way her expression shifts from thinly veiled rage to shock.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The words spill from her mouth, as if she’s barely aware of them, but Roger huffs out a laugh.

“I’m willing to try anything to get you to stop glaring at me when I come up for a beer.” He murmured with a cheeky grin, and there’s that rage again, clear as day in her eyes. “Love, you’re like me,” he says it like it’s a compliment, reaching his hand to hold her chin. Something in his heart grew warm watching the way the gentle touch changed her expression from furious to softly surprised, “so we can both know it’s just a bit of fun, nothing more.”

“So which girl do you have lined up for when I say no?” Her voice tone was quietly accusing, and Roger raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“None.” He admitted easily. “I’m only promising one night, and you get to test that broken heart theory of yours.” 

“God, you’re so fucking arrogant,” she mumbled under her breath, squinting up at him; “one night,” she agrees, “and no I don’t think you hang stars in the sky, so there’s no chance of heartbreak.”

“But what if you’re the heart breaker?” Roger asks, mostly joking, though he’s already sliding his hand around her waist, pulling her close.

“Then you should have developed a harder heart before trying to sleep your way across the UK.” And she’s smiling in return, moving with him as he pulls her in for a kiss. He tastes like beer mostly, the scents of the pub sticking to him as she wraps her arms around him. Pulse racing, she’s the one who deepens the kiss, shifting to her tiptoes to get closer to him, but that only makes him laugh and pull away.

“This is the single worst pick up I’ve ever been on the receiving end of.” She purses her lips, breaking the embrace as she begins to step back to the bar.

“Does that include the middle-aged man slipped a tenner in between your boobs?” Roger calls after her, and to his surprise, Ash is smiling back at him when she looks over her shoulder, sunny and amused.

“Well yeah, I got a ten pounds out of it, didn’t I?” And he can’t really argue with her logic as he begins to follow her back inside to the rest of the band. “What do I get from you?” She smirks, and Roger lengthens his stride to join her as she walks through the door.

“I can’t tell you with company around.” His voice low as he murmured in her ear.grinning as she let out a quiet squeak of surprise. “But it’ll be worth it.”

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe  @laueecakee@smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings@2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times@heyyouitskay @tired-eyes-fairy-lights @yepimthatperson @missieluvsmurder @ironqueen98

[buy me a coffee?]

[aoibaratraveler]

UK Road Trip Week 4

Ok, so I was actually semi productive with this, this week and finished typing it out on Tuesday morning but then my tumblr app stopped working on my phone and then when I tried to use the browser on my phone it uploaded all weird. So I am finally able to upload this from a Starbucks on the bf’s laptop.

Day 22:

I woke up feeling lucky to have done Snowdon a day before because torrential rain came down all night and seemed to persist well into the morning and afternoon and looking at the forecast for the next month...well, its bleak. I did, however, feel much better after a good night's sleep and even though I am a bit sore, I think that I am more than ready to do another hike or scramble like Snowdon because I just enjoyed it so much. If the rain does let up then I would love to do Scafell Pike in England and Ben Nevis in Scotland, the tallest mountains in each. Soon after we woke up, we decided to head to Llandudno for a walk along the coast and to get some coffee but after charging up for a bit and grabbing some pasties from the local bakery, the bf had the grave misfortune of having half his pasty stolen by an aggressive seagull. In fact, most of the seagulls in this town were rather aggressive, one of them swooped down at my head while I was eating my pasty. After this unfortunate event though, the bf's mood took a dip so we decided to leave and head to Betws y Coed where we would be meeting up with T, the bf's friend later on. It was certainly a cute little village but because of the torrential downpour, we couldn't explore much and so we retreated to a hotel for some Welsh cream tea and to have a safe shelter to watch the rain. After a couple of hours T showed up and we attempted to go on a walk to a nearby lake since it seemed to have stopped raining but not even 10 minutes into our walk and it came down hard again and we were properly soaked. Luckily, it was warm rain so I didn't mind it too much. We retreated to T's car where T and the bf reminisced on their uni days. The rain seemed to let up a bit so we took a chance and explored the other side of Betws y Coed where there were a cute train station and a rhino made of metal that encased bottle caps to promote recycling. Near the station there was a lovely little suspension bridge with a backdrop of a field scattered with sheep and a forest. We played poo sticks there for a couple of minutes and then decided to head to a restaurant called Olif for Welsh Tapas and we were very happy that we did because not even a minute later the torrential rain came back which didn't seem to let up for the rest of the night. It was great timing for us. The Welsh Tapas was delicious, we thoroughly enjoyed the croquetas which was a breaded ball of melted cheddar cheese, potato, and leek, yum. We ate, drank, and were merry for a couple of more hours before heading to a nearby nature reserve to pitch up for the night; the rain still coming down with a fury.

Day 23:

Today was a bit disappointing only because we really just couldn't do anything for there was torrential rain for most of the day. We set off from the spot we were parked and drove through the gorgeous valleys that gave off an almost ominously beautiful atmosphere to it because of the rain. We made a stop near Tryfan, a cool mountain that is mostly a scramble that the bf had wanted to take me on but because of the rain he couldn't. We tried to wait out the rain for a bit but to no avail so we retreated to a Starbucks for a few hours and read. When we got hungry we decided to leave and we grabbed some Chinese takeaway before heading to T's place to stay for the night. I got to play with her gorgeous border collie so not a bad end to the day.

Day 24:

Today we initially had plans to meet up with another friend of T's but he bailed on us so T decided to be our tour guide around Snowdonia. We had a delicious full breakfast in her town and then set off to a town called "BeddGelert". It was a lovely little town that had a beautiful nature walk and river and where the legend of Gelert is said to have taken place.

"According to the oft-told legend, Llywelyn, Prince of Gwynedd and the most powerful man in the whole of Wales, had a hound called Gelert. In some versions of the tale, the dog had been given to Llywelyn by none other than King John of England. One day Llywelyn went hunting, leaving Gelert behind to look after his infant son. When Llywelyn returned he found his tents in disarray. There was no sign of his son and Gelert, when he jumped up to greet his master, had jaws stained red with blood. Instantly assuming the hound had killed the baby, the Prince drew his sword and ran the dog through. Only then did Llywelyn discover the unharmed baby lying beneath its upturned cot and the body of a wolf that had tried to kill the child, in the corner of the tent. The faithful Gelert had defended his charge and killed the wolf. The hound was buried with great ceremony and, legend says, prince Llywelyn never smiled from that day onwards." (https://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/wales/entries/e6f11332-ae6f-3364-96a4-1af14401369b)

We had a long stroll around the river and then had coffee and cake at a cafe. We decided to get three cakes and split them; chocolate fudge, coffee-walnut, and carrot. They were scrumptious but personally I liked coffee-walnut the best. Afterward we drove to a place called Black Rock Sands--in English, the Welsh name is supremely hard to pronounce. It was a vast, sandy beach with an outstanding view of the mountains. There were a few really cool caves that we were able to explore because the tide was low. I imagined how cool it would be to swim in these caves and I hoped that maybe someday I'll get the opportunity. We then climbed on top of a cliff edge to get a better view. It was awesome. I wanted to walk across the cliff but T said that if it was closed off then we may risk being able to get down while the tide is low so we made our way back down and walked some more along the beach. After our walk T remembered one more cool place that she wanted to show us which was an ancient Celtic forest within Snowdonia National Park and was surrounding a lake. This forest had so many traits to it that made it feel like you were walking inside a forest straight out of a fairytale, from the most covered slate walls to the ancient trees to the lush green nature enveloping a fallen over tree to the misplaced plant life like bamboo trees. It was such a whimsical walk that felt almost therapeutic. It was nearing 17:30 so we decided to grab a bite at the pub outside the forest but were quite disappointed with the portion sizes they gave us of the chips we ordered so we set back to T's town of Blaenau Ffestiniog and purchased some more (which ended up being too much) chips and a couple of spring rolls that were the size of paninis from a local Chinese takeaway. We ate our takeaway next to a lake for a bit...before being attacked by midges so then we ran to T's car to finish it off. We felt properly full of grease after this so we went for a short walk around the lake (by now you can guess that Snowdon National Park is just full of picturesque lakes, mountains, and forests and is very much the scenery that I've been craving to see all year). We then headed back to T's place, said our goodbyes to her and her lovely parents and dog and then set off towards Conwy to pitch up for the night.

Day 25:

I'm so pleased that I've been able to see so many castles on this trip. Last time I lived in England, I hardly saw any although I saw a few castles in mainland Europe during my 2 month backpacking trip before starting my university exchange in Preston. This past year as well I don't think we saw any castles. We started the morning by driving back through Conwy and having a look at the medieval castle there. I unfortunately didn't get a photo though. We then began our drive out of Wales. We did, however, stop in a place called Prestatyn before fully leaving to nip into a Tesco's and use their facilities and get some caffeine. Here, I had the most ridiculous experience. I've dealt with some, let's say not so knowledgeable customer service people before in supermarkets in the UK but this took the cake. I decided to buy some Redbull and in the UK red bull is age restricted to people aged 16 and over (any energy drink is). But then there is also the think 25 policy here where customer service employees ask to check ID for anything age-restricted if they think you look under 25. This is completely fine because even though I am 25, I'm well aware that I could pass as 18 or younger so I always have my ID on me when I buy energy drinks. The thing is when I pulled out my Canadian driver's license that has my photo and age and everything that a normal ID has and which has been accepted literally everywhere else I've gone to (which is what I told her), the checkouts girl (who looked to be my age or younger) rejected it and refused to sell me the Redbull. I couldn't believe it! At first she looked at it and then immediately showed it to her associate who then said she would go and ask the manager about it. She gave me the absurd reason that because she had never seen this kind of ID before or don't get them often in the store (what do you mean "them"? Foreign ID?) that she needed to check that it was legit...I couldn't believe what I was hearing...so essentially because my ID was foreign and she'd never seen it before, she questioned whether it was real. Well, I've spent some time working at another supermarket here called Sainsbury's and we were taught that as long as the ID has their photo and age and looks like ID then it's acceptable. I said that to her (although didn't mention that I had worked at Sainsbury's) and she just kept giving me the most condescending look and said "you'd be surprised what people could fake! And I can't sell you this item if you are underage" ...well she showed it to her manager and she said that even the manager said they couldn't accept it! I tried to remain calm and reiterate that, that just can't be right but she stuck to her guns and said she couldn't sell me it. I went to tell the bf what had happened and he was equally shocked and angry on my behalf and said I should try and argue it so I decided to go back in, directly to customer service and ask to speak to the store manager myself. The customer service woman herself agreed that my ID should have been accepted but said I should be flattered that they thought I look younger than my age...that isn't the point though? I know I look younger than my age and I'm always happy to show my ID (I don't look younger than 16 though) but the point is that checkouts people (1 of which was apparently the checkouts manager!?) refused to accept my official, government-issued Canadian driver's license because it was foreign to them which is really just due to them being ignorant and clueless more than anything, but that's unfortunately how a large portion of the UK is now...when the manager came, he agreed that my ID should have been accepted. Vindication. So, feeling a bit petty, I went back to the same checkouts girl, asked her which manager exactly she spoke to because I had just spoken to the store manager and he said that my ID was completely fine. She gave me another stupid excuse but I just thanked her as a way of saying "fuck off" in my own way without actually saying it. She never apologized. I then used the self-scan machine right next to her but the coward that she is stormed off and got her friend to authorize my red bull instead while she grabbed a basket and aggressively threw it right next to me to pretend she was putting it away. I gave her a smile on the way out and felt victorious but still in complete disbelief at how unprofessional that whole interaction was. We then drove to the top of a hill that had a gorgeous viewpoint of the entire city that wiped away the frustration of that whole event. We drove to Preston from there and had German doner for dinner and then to the Forest of Bowland AONB to chill for the rest of the evening (my favourite AONB so far).

Day 26:

Waking up in the Forests of Bowland was spectacular with the mountains on one side and the sun on the other, it was beautiful. We drove through such gorgeous valleys and fields, it didn't feel like the England that I'd been living in for the past 11 months. I was overjoyed to have the opportunity to see it but a bit sad that I was missing out on sights like this all year. Once we'd driven through the forest, we filled up on petrol at ASDA and freshened up in their washrooms. We then headed into the city of Lancaster where we first had dessert for breakfast at a place called Kaspa's (oh my I'm going to be working off a lot when we get back home). From there we ventured off and walked around the city and up to the Lancaster castle which served as a prison for some time but now houses the Crown Court and is open to the public in some parts. I was pretty tired owing to having a restless sleep the night before with the storm being easily audible from inside the car. At about 5 we decided to set off towards the lake district and Scafell Pike. This drive was probably just a bit more amazing then the one we had this morning. It was absolutely stunning, the bf had to pull over so I could take more photos but my camera most likely doesn't do it any justice. Just absolutely breathtaking and just what you want to end the night on before going to bed.

Day 27:

Ahh! Scratch what I said about need 2 1/2 to 3 months for the UK and Ireland (well I suppose you can do if you want to take your sweet time), we have covered so much ground and expect to cover a lot more by the 31st, so this trips need at most 2 months and we reckon if we were to do the whole of Ireland then we could probably do it 10 days but we're still saving that for another time. You know those days when you feel like you did a lot but didn't really accomplish anything? This would have been one of those days. I don't know, I guess it was because of the rain as well but the bf and I were also feeling pretty grumpy all day and were short with each other a lot. We had parked just outside Scafell Pike hoping that maybe there was a chance we could wake up and the weather would be great for a hike but it had rained all night and it didn't look like it was going to let up in the morning so unfortunately, we had to give up on the idea of hiking Scafell Pike at least at this part of the trip. The bf told me it always rains in the Lake District and that it's hardly ever sunny but I was really hoping that I would get to see the lakes in all their glory. There was nothing around (except for the lakes and mountains of course) so we decided to drive 15 mins North West out of the lakes to a small seaside town called Seascale. It was very quiet there and we found a small, family-run cafe that served breakfast, cakes, coffee, and tea. We managed to freshen up there and made a new plan for the day which was to drive to Windermere, Grasmere and then watch the Liverpool game somewhere. Well, when we got to Windermere, it was absolutely packed with tourists and still raining which just made us more grumpy. The bf and I don't do well in big touristy crowds. We walked around for a bit and then the bf got more coffee but we quickly gave up on trying to enjoy ourselves since it was just so noisy and busy and the visibility of the lake was horrendous because of the rain and honestly I was just really bummed out about not being able to see the lake properly. So off we went to Grasmere. It was a tiny village but really cute. The reason we went to Grasmere was because of the gingerbread shop that's been there for hundreds of years with an old recipe that claims to make unique gingerbread that is crumbly and gooey. Well, let me tell you that, that claim is not unfounded. There was a big line outside the shop too so you know they're popular. They weren't mind-blowingly delicious or anything but they were yummy. After that, we were at a loss of what to do. The weather was miserable so we couldn't really do anything outdoorsy which is also sad because half the point of this trip was to explore Britsh nature and wilderness and do a lot of hikes but we're in the second half of this trip and that seems unlikely to happen now. Especially since I'm kind of running out of funds for this trip now. We debated whether or not to go to a hotel for afternoon tea but it was getting too late for that. We settled on just cutting our losses and leaving the lakes early. We decided to drive straight up to Glasgow. On the drive up I could really feel how burned out the bf was getting and I started feeling really guilty. I'm used to roughing it up for long periods of time but I don't think he is. I mean we've both been grumpy today but for different reasons. I'm sad this trip isn't going as I hoped it would because of the weather and not being able to save up enough this year and he's just tired and growing more and more irritable as the days go on. I booked us a night's stay in an Airbnb for the day after because we both need to do laundry anyway and he just needs a good night's sleep. Once we got to Glasgow, we watched the game (Liverpool won, yay!) and then we drove up to a country park to pitch up for the night.

Day 28:

When we woke up it was rainy and windy so we decided to head to a nearby shopping mall from the country park to charge up with some coffee. After a couple of hours there we drove into Glasgow for some sightseeing. This proved to be a bit difficult because we soon found out that Glasgow is an outrageously expensive city with exuberant parking charges. It took us a while to find something, but after around 45 mins of driving around we chanced upon a car park that was behind a pub that looked to have absolutely no parking charges or restrictions and seemed to be somewhat of a mostly unknown free car park. After double-checking that it really was free we set off to explore the city. Glasgow is really cool. It has an interesting mix of old school buildings and historical architecture as well as more modern ones with a TON of incredibly artistic graffiti on the side of buildings everywhere . We walked around for a while and tried the famous deep-fried Mars bar which I thought was yummy but it wasn't to the bf's taste. We were still hungry so we grabbed lunch at a place called Bread Meats Bread because I heard that they do great poutine and boy was I right. The poutine was massive and absolutely delicious with tons of gravy and cheese curds, probably the best poutine I've had in the UK. We also got a pastrami sandwich and a fried chicken grilled cheese melt that were both oh so good and served in some pretty spectacular toast. After exploring more of what the city had to offer which included a Tardis propped up in the city square and a statue of a colourful laughing child. At around 4 we decided it was time to head to the Airbnb that we booked for the night but not before stopping in Morrisons to grab some instant noodles for the road. This Airbnb was lovely, clean and just what we needed to have a proper charge up. We took the rest of the night easy, did our laundry, played with the host's dogs and had a shower. The host, herself, was also really friendly and was into all the same fandom as us from Marvel to Doctor Who to Game of Thrones to Harry Potter. The tv in our room was also massive so we watched an episode of Doctor Who before calling it a night.

[fencheto]

Forbidden - Part 3 (Dimon Romantic)

The story can also be found on Wattpad You can find the previous chapters here Feedback is greatly appreciated. I went to the bathroom and finally took the much needed shower from the night before. The whole dorm was still densely filled with the smoky-alcoholic scent so I also made sure to open all the windows and doors to get some fresh air in there. “Got any suggestions where to go?” – I yelled through the bathroom door before starting the shower. “How does Starbucks sound?” – Chelle replied from her room. “Works for me.” – I said back and proceeded to wash my body Starbucks was both Chelle and I’s favorite spot for a morning coffee, the café was located in a very nice area, quite close to the centre and was easy to get there on foot from the dorm. The smell there was also blissful, nothing better than a banana cake to match the strong coffee aroma. It was the best time to go out and sit there, especially on such sunny days when the tables outside were available. On the not so bright side though, we could only go there like 2 times per week without going bankrupt. I love those guys but man, are they an expensive place. At the end of the day, I am a student and that meant being on a strict budget and having zero freedom. I put my hair in a high ponytail, and quickly put on a pair of jeans and my favorite oversized t-shirt saying “I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry”, a present from my sister Dallas, the second biggest weirdo on this planet after me. I noticed I also had dark circles under my eyes, so now the choice was either for some make up or for the big sunglasses. “Demi, are you ready?” – I hear Chelle asking, meaning she was done with her preparations. Well, it will be the sunglasses, then. “Yup, a second” – I replied, putting the last few pins on my hair and spraying a bit of perfume around my neck. “Okay, let’s go” – I told her, letting go of my door handle and going to the front door. The way to the café was a short 10-minute long walk, but we could still notice some leftovers from the few parties that were hosted yesterday. The most common type of garbage was the occasional McDonalds’ huge paper bag or Subway’s sandwich wraps and napkins. It looked as if the rubbish bags were out of stock in this country, a horrible mess. We reached the coffee shop and picked a nice cozy table in the corner on the right. Thankfully not too many people had come yet so the tables outside were still not all taken. Our seats weren’t in the middle of the hustle and bustle if I may call it like that, yet they were also close to the inner part of the café so we wouldn’t need to walk too much with the purchases in our hands. Chelle and I sat on the table and we both started flipping the pages of the menus, as if we didn’t know it all by heart by now. I was certainly gonna be having a frappe today, it was hot AF and the alcohol was still running in my system, so I was sweating like a mine worker. Not the biggest fan of ice coffee, but the situation was of a pressing matter. I turned a few pages further, the breakfast items didn’t look too bad either, the question was if I was actually hungry or just wanted to have a snack though. I thought about having a coffee cake, but that usually bloated me up a lot, so I would rather have the white chocolate chip cookie. It was not too heavy and it usually did cover me well when the sweet tooth hit me with cravings, so I was good with it. “Alright, I can go in there and get the stuff, can you stay here and keep the table?” – Chelle asked a few minutes later. “Yeah that’s cool. Can you get me a frappe and a chocolate chip cookie, with white chocolate chunks though?” “Sure, be right back. Watch my stuff there.” “Here, take 10, should be just enough” – I handed her the bill. Chelle went inside and I plopped myself back on my chair. The day was beautiful; lots of the students from our uni or the few others in town were out as well. Sunday was the day of procrastination and it did hold a very truthful rule for students: If you put it off for Sunday, it won’t happen, dude. At some point a pretty loud noise for my still hangover head came from the road. I turned around to see a black car pull over on the other side of the street. It was a type of car that was pretty rare to notice in Boston or in the states in general, quite low over the road and with a foreign registration plate. It did resemble a very familiar car that I had definitely paid attention to before. If you’d ever watched “Gone in 60 seconds”, then you would know it too – a British Jaguar. How did I know? That was Marissa’s favorite movie and therefore my least favorite one, because we’d watched it like a billion times. The only difference here was that this car was a lot newer – a model I couldn’t name for sure. I kept my gaze on and saw the person on the driving seat fidgeting with something and then opening the door. The driver stepped out, but kept his head towards the car. It seemed as if he was looking for something, until he finally found it and grabbed it from inside. I wondered what it was like to have that much money and to be able to afford such comfort. Surely I was now in a position where finances were not the greatest developing aspect of my life, but that would change later on hopefully. I would love to buy stuff without having to look at the price tag and not worry about it. Just to be impulsive, like: a Jaguar? Yes, please. That car was worth about a million dollars last time I checked. I re-focused my look over to the driver and realized I had seen this man before. Not only that, I had actually known him and already spoken to him. That was Mr. Cowell, my Music Production lecturer. And also the man whose car - probably one of his many, I kicked. And if that wasn’t awkward enough, the man I had the audacity to call ‘a fool’. He was very casually dressed this time – in just a white t-shirt and some jeans, no trace of the formal black blazer he was wearing at the university. He was also wearing a pair of dark ray-bans and was puffing on a cigarette, whilst slowly making his way to internal part of the café. At this point I actually wondered what the best thing to do was: hide from him behind my bag, bury my face in my phone and pretend I never saw him, greet him with a simple nod or step into the dangerous zone of another possible embarrassment and talk to him. In case you wondered why would I talk to him – because I wanted to apologize!? If my math was right, he would be my lecturer for quite some time, and feeling this awkward for so long was something I’d rather pass. Anyway, the problem here was that instead of actually following one of the scenarios I thought of, I was doing probably the worst I could have right now – I was looking, actually I was staring at him as if I was bewitched, with my mouth slightly opened and my chin propped onto the fingers of my hand. Good thing was I was still wearing my sunglasses and so was he, so there was still a chance he didn’t just catch me watching him like some weirdo. He reached the entrance of the café, took the cigarette off his mouth and dogged it in an ashtray on a nearby table on the porch. Once he pinched it off, he carefully lifted his gaze and for a moment looked into my direction. My immediate reaction was to look down for good 3-4 seconds, only to make my sunglasses fall down and hear the cracking sound of them hitting the ground. So much for your strategies, Demetria. I clumsily moved the table to pick them up and saw he was getting inside once I did. My face went deep red; could this have gone any more wrong? I silently hoped there was someone else his eyes were on, but when I looked around, there was no one neither behind me nor closer than 2 tables away. So chances were somewhere between very small and absolute zero. “Sorry I took so long, but there is such a long line, and oh they wrote my name wrong on the cup, so they had to change it…” – Chelle said coming to me, almost out of breath, putting the purchases on our table and taking her seat. “There you go with your drink and the cookie” – She said again, handing me my items. “Thanks Chelle.” - I said kind of distracted. “Since when are you a fan of frappes?” – She asked me. “Yeah I’m not but now it is a bit hot so I will try it out.” – I said, taking my sunglasses off and waving my hand to bring some wind to my still heated face. “Are you alright? You look nervous.” – Chelle asked. “No, nothing” – I replied, mixing my drink with the straw. A few minutes later I saw Mr. Cowell coming out on the porch from the inside part of the café, carrying two cups of coffee, only this time it was not just him, now he was accompanied by a tall blond female. She was wearing a short grey skirt and a top that was outlining her boobs quite clearly. She looked as if she was taken straight out of a magazine cover. I wondered if this was the type of women he was into. They made their way outside and quickly chose their seats, a single table distance across from us. I was facing her back and his seat was positioned in a way that we both could see each other directly. I now started to regret taking my shades off. “Dems, come on, what is it? You seem kind of lightheaded.” – Chelle asked me once again. “How come?” “You seem to not even be listening to me?” “I am, sorry, it is just…” – I said uncomfortably, looking at Simon’s table and then back at her. “What?” “I will tell you, but promise me you won’t look” – I warned in a very quiet voice. “Not look at what?” “Shhh! Okay, Mr. Cowell is sitting right across our table” “What? Where? ” – Chelle asked a lot louder than I would’ve preferred. A few people from the other tables turned their heads towards us. “Don’t shout, he’s going to hear you! There, right behind you.” - I yell-whispered at her. Chelle slowly turned her head, pretending to be fixing her hair and noticed him along with the woman that was sat on the same table. “Woah, talking about appropriate skirts” – She commented, lifting her eyebrows in amusement. “I know.” – I replied, doing the same grimace. “Are you alright?” – She asked me. “Sure, just surprised, though” – I shrugged my shoulders. “Anyway, so tell me about the guy from yesterday, he texted you in the morning didn’t he?” – I asked her, pointing at her phone. Although I had no interest in the guy she hooked up with yesterday, I knew I had to change the topic. I couldn’t possibly talk about Simon the whole afternoon; I mean who talked about their lecturers all the time? Not even geeks did. I asked Chelle more about him, letting her show me photos of them together from last night and share some unnecessary details for me to know. She was quite caught up onto the subject, and despite the fact I should have probably listened to her, I didn’t. I was barely paying attention to her and was occasionally nodding just to confirm I was a part of the conversation. My mind was busy with the man sitting on the table behind my friend. There were two factors creeping into my head constantly though: One was the common sense, telling “He is your lecturer” and two was the guilt, following with “Why is your lecturer such interest to you?” I mean how should I even define this? In general I have always been quite an impulsive person, so yelling at him on that first day we met was no surprise. Okay, the following actions were a bit too aggressive, I take that. But now what? He was offended, didn’t like me, like any other person also wouldn’t. I, on the other hand, was apparently feeling homesick; having the guy I’m in love with thousands of miles away from me, I was looking for comfort. Man’s comfort. That was the only reason behind my strange thoughts. In the meantime I noticed both Simon and the woman stood up. He pointed at the engine to her and motioned that he was going to join after going inside first. She quickly nodded and walked towards the car, whilst he went for the café bar. I followed him with my eyes before turning to Chelle. “Excuse me for a bit.” – I told her and adjusted my shirt. “Where are you going?” – She questioned surprised. “To the bathroom, be right back”- I said, leaving my seat. I got inside the café bar and saw Simon standing at the counter, placing an order for a take out. I pretended to be looking at the cakes behind the glass, standing a few feet away from him. In my ideal world, he would have turned around; I would have greeted him politely, maybe make some small talk and bring him under a somewhat good impression of me. Actually any impression that was better than the one of being a rude, aggressive bitch I had given. That was my goal right now. In reality though, after receiving his order, he was way too busy fixing the 5 items on his hands to pay any attention to me. He kept his head down the whole time, careful not to drop anything on the floor. He passed by me and did not acknowledge me even one bit, his eyes focused on the drinks. He had two drinks in each hand and a cake, which he supported against his chest. He was also mumbling something to himself while looking down, something I couldn’t fully figure out, but it was along the lines “yeah I can carry the office drinks, don’t help me”. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed of not getting the chance to talk to him. I did try to I don’t know, establish some kind of a contact, but it didn’t go as planned. To be honest, it was probably not only the lack of luck, but also the fact that he most likely didn’t want to talk to me. I couldn’t blame him, though. Perhaps it was for the better. Asking for his attention wasn’t a good idea, regardless. As I was about to make my way out to the table and Chelle, I accidentally noticed something, which looked like a small folder, standing by the edge of the counter. I looked over to the staff members, but neither of the them had noticed it yet. I guessed it was because it was left on the front side of the bar. I slowly approached the counter to see it was an open leather wallet. My first thought was to hand it over to the bartender and say I found a lost belonging. Probably what every normal human being would have done. Probably what I should have done. Instead, I decided to check it out on my own first, without giving it much of a thought. I squinted my eyes to see the beholder's name over the documents, only to confirm the doubts I'd had. On the front side of the wallet there was a driver's license, along with a photo and personal details of the beholder - Simon Philip Cowell. This time the question in my head was judged way less by morality and more by motivation. “What are you going to do about it?”

[evans-heaven]

You’re Here~s.m.

Long ass, unedited fluff. Sorry if it seems rushed. Also not my best work but something is better than nothing lmao  😘

Hope you lovelies enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~

My parents didn’t want us together.

We wanted to be together. But it was our word against theirs. Sure, it was our relationship, but with parents like mine, having something be yours meant it was theirs too. It meant decisions had to be made about that something by them too. It meant if what they wanted was ultimately more realistic, plausible, sensible etc. that their choice was end game.

It meant my word didn’t matter. They didn’t want us together.

We met two years ago. I was about to start college. He was world famous singer, on his fourth world tour, at the time on the NA leg. I never thought we’d come across each other in the way we did. Hell, I never thought we’d come across each other period.

For the most part, I knew of him. For the lesser, I wasn’t a big fan of those pop boys anyway, so I didn’t care for the fact that he had walked up to me in a crowded cafe in St. Louis, where I was from, and asked if the seat across from me was taken. I said no, he sat, and there we were, in silence, until a server came to take his order.

I only began to pay care when he ordered the exact same thing I did- Caffe Americano with coconut milk, and a blueberry muffin cut in half, buttered just the right amount.

“What’d you just say?” I had asked, leaning forward, not believing the odds for even a second. Everyone I knew hated coffee with coconut milk and thought butter on muffins was useless- “didn’t they already use butter to make them?”

He recited his order again, smiling, bearing his white, slightly crooked teeth that made him only a smidgen imperfect. The rest of him was so flawless, from his curly chocolate tufts of hair to his indented chin. And in that moment, I began to grow fond of those features I had only been in the presence of for a mere 10 minutes.

We talked, and talked, and talked. He had a day off before his show the following day, and wanted some alone time. I was nervous about college starting in a few weeks, and wanted someone alone time as well. Who knew a crowded cafe would lead us to each other? Sure, the amount of people didn’t constitute as alone, but we found what we wanted as we conversed.

We talked until the cafe workers began to place the chairs upside down on the tables, clear the remaining pastries in the display, and wipe down the counters. Eventually, we had to be kicked out. And, after finding out that we shared a mutual love of what everyone else found nasty or stupid, we couldn’t simply say good bye. So, we walked around town, and we talked some more. I showed him around the general area and made him buy at least 5 St. Louis Cardinals T-Shirts, and a signed baseball and bat. I showed him the Gateway Arch, where he asked for my number. Then, we sat on the edge of a fountain and complained about how crazy our lives were getting, but at same time, agreed that change was good. He was getting more and more famous, and I was gearing up to begin my journey of being a writer. I wasn’t much of a talker, but that night, I yapped until my jaw hurt and my words were tongue tied.

We didn’t get tired until we drove home in an uber and I fell asleep on his shoulder. It was one of the best sleeps I had in a long time.

The following day, he called me. That night, he called me again. He called me every day in the months leading up to winter break, until he couldn’t take it anymore. At the start of my it, he flew me out to see him at the Jingle Bell Ball in London and it was like we hadn’t seen each other in years.

Of course, I had to lie to my parents about my whereabouts. They hadn’t yet known about our ‘romance’. I was a very open girl with them, never liked to hide anything, and, as a result, though they were demanding and strict, they trusted me. That was the first time I had ever hidden anything so important from them.

And God, was Shawn something important. One of the most in my life.

Backstage at the show, in his dressing room, he kissed me for the first time and we became official.

When we were a couple (before anyone other than his team and a few of my friends knew) we saw each other enough. When I was on vacation, I’d often sneak away for a week to see him. Of course, my parents would wonder why I didn’t come straight home at the start of break, so I’d have to lie and say I was spending some time with a friend from uni in an undisclosed location. I could remember the many antic we part took in. From running through the streets packed with locals who spoke a language we couldn’t even begin to comprehend, to eating overpriced delicacies until we were confined our toilets, to dancing terribly and literally french kissing under the Eiffel Tower.

It had felt like we were the answers to each others’ prayers, because I wanted a guy who would take me away, and he wanted a girl who would let him lead her through his tiring, yet exciting life.

More often than not, since I started college, I would have to visit him on tour. I didn’t mind though, I had seen so many places I never thought I’d see in my lifetime. He had flown me out to Moscow, Beijing, Oslo, Dubai, Paris, and a few other beautiful countries that hadn’t been on my radar. Why would they be? I was a small town girl who, until then, the furthest she had ever been from home was Connecticut to visit her senile grandparents.

Anywhere I had gone with Shawn had knocked that down several spots. And I knew that was a tell tale sign my life lacked adventure.

Until he came along.

In many ways, we could have made it work.

In many more ways, my parents felt it was too impractical, and therefore we could not make it work.

I was a college student, barely into my second year when they found out. We made the mutual decision to tell them, and it did not end well, in any way, shape, or form.

There wasn’t any yelling, just a calm, reasonable conversation. They laid out what I feared they would- Shawn traveled too much, and I had to focus on my studies.

Ultimately, it ended with me crying in Shawn’s arms on my front porch after we were forced to say goodbye. 

Long story short, for the millionth time, we couldn’t be together.

But, that didn’t mean we couldn’t secretly try to.

I was done with my second year, back home in St. Louis for the summer. That week with Shawn didn’t happen this time around, considering my parents now knew what we had been doing, which meant we couldn’t very well do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend to visit ‘Valerie’ ( a fake person I had made up to disguise my actual plans with Shawn) anymore because they knew what I would really be doing.

Being broken up meant he couldn’t take me away like he used to. So I had to go back home to my mini mansion in St. Louis with a frown on my face the entire flight and fake smile as I greeted my parents.

Back home, things hadn’t changed within the few months I was gone, which actually shocked me. I was both relieved and confused that I came home to a room that looked exactly the same, because I was expecting my mother to turn it into some sort of scrap booking room or library. She would always threaten to do that.

I lived in a house that looked like it belonged on one of those sitcoms with the perfect family that comprised of lovable characters who taught valuable lesson, with its white picket fence, paved two car drive way,  and rose garden. After 19 years of seeing the same scenery almost every day, it was safe to say that college made me miss those cliche little things. They weren’t special, but, as bitter as I was, it was home.

I lay in my bedroom, a step down from the master one, that was the first door one came to after they ascended the staircase. A book was in front my face as I sprawled on my bed with my head hanging off the edge.

It could be considered a crime to read during summer break, but as someone who had spent the majority of her time with her nose in any sort of novel or text book, it was the only pass time I knew.

That, and spending time with Shawn, in some far off place that made me feel like I was in a fairy tale without my parents knowing. I hadn’t seen him in months. We texted- scarcely. He was busy and so was I, so that whole “maybe we can still be friends” speech he gave me the exact same night we ‘broke up’ didn’t quite come into play. It was classic. People would agree to stay friends but never actually be friends.

We still loved each other, though. Three word text messages conveyed so much more than they were given credit.

There was knock on my door that pulled me out of my thoughts and made me drop my book. I groaned and flipped into an upright position, trudging over to my door and opening it. 

My mom stood on the other side, smiling. By the way she was dressed, I knew she and dad were going out, and that she was here to guilt me into coming too.

“We’re going to Bella Italia for dinner, get dressed and come with us!”

I opened my mouth but she kept going. “Come on, sweetie, get out of the house for a bit!” she grinned.

I hated Italian food.

“Okay,” I sighed, giving a tiny smile for good measure. I didn’t actually want to go anywhere. I just agreed so I wouldn’t have to go down the “your father and I haven’t seen you in so long” road I knew all too well.

“That’s my girl!” she exclaimed. “Hurry, we’re leaving in fifteen,” she said. She closed the door softly and I flopped back on my bed, expelling a groan before standing back up and walking over to my closet.

It was the same routine. We’d spend time together for one night, and then it was back to being like I didn’t even come home. Mom and Dad were both business people, so they were always off dealing with something or the other to do with their self made firms. Our time spent was near non-existent now.

If I knew what was best for me, I would suck it up and go with them. I no longer had that week of bliss to look forward to with Shawn to make my dull and forgettable time home like a flash in a pan.

It took me all of five minutes to find an outfit. After throwing it on and running a brush through my unsightly hair, I grabbed my phone and was about to head out my door, but a tiny rap on my bay window glass stopped me. My hand on the knob, my head pivoted in the direction of the noise.

Instinctively, I grabbed the baseball bat and crept towards the window as the rapping continued. As I drew closer, I could see that the noise was caused by tiny pebbles being thrown at the glass. Who was that?

When I reached the window and couldn’t see the culprit, I sucked in a breath and set the baseball bat down. I pulled the handle of the window down, opening it only by a few inches.

“Y/N?”

That voice-like titanium under silk- was all too familiar. And it was also missed. Desperately.

“Shawn?” I whispered as my brows elevated. I opened the window as much as I could and thrust my upper body outside. There he stood, in all his bisque, blushing glory, in his lighting bolt patterned button up, black jeans and boots. His hair was a curly mess, hanging over his forehead in loose waves, the tighter curls sitting atop his head. I could see the glisten of sweat across his his cheekbones and temples.

“Hey, darling,” he smiled, that warm, inside melting smile that was forever imprinted in my mind, never to leave.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. Forget being shocked, I was way too happy about his random visit to even pretend to wonder how the hell he even got to St Louis.

Then, I remembered. He told me he had a concert that night. And that while on stage, I was the only thing he’d be able to focus on. A crowd filled with tens of thousands of people all there to see him perform, and yet someone who wasn’t even part of said crowd was the prime occupant of his thoughts.

“You’d think I’d be in St Louis and not find a way to see you?” he questioned, placing his hands on his hips and smirking.

I could only giggle. “I guess it was kind of expected,” I shrugged. I mean, a crazy part of me was actually hoping that he would, some way, some how, try to come see me. But then I stopped myself before I got my hopes up, because with my parents home and the fact that he probably had to leave the state immediately after his concert to get to the next stop, there was no way he would be able to see me.

But, like many times before, Shawn Mendes stayed proving me wrong for all the right reasons.

“Hey, uh, can you find a way to get me up? I saw your parents’ car in the driveway, so coming through the front door isn’t exactly an option,” he chuckled, thumbing behind him in the direction of the driveway.

Shit. My parents. We were still going to dinner so I couldn’t let him up. It made no sense, and I couldn’t make him wait until we got back because I knew his time was limited. I knew he setting himself up for a huge scolding from his manager, Andrew when he got back to the venue to meet the tour bus. Would it be worth it?

But I hadn’t seem him in so long.

“Uh,” I mumbled, gnawing on my pinky fingernail. I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded at him. “Yeah, babe, one sec,” I said, walking away from the window, looking for something long enough to get him up. The drop from the bay window to the ground wasn’t that far, so I quickly tied my comforter and a bed sheet from the trunk at the foot of my bed together.

I through it out the window towards him, and withing seconds, he was in my room. 

No words between us, he grabbed my face in the soft grip and pressed his lips against mine. The first physical contact we had received from each other in a long time and I couldn;t have asked for it to be more perfect.

Our lips moved at a passionately slow pace, sliding against each other, almost devouring each other. My fingers gripped his biceps tightly, my fingernails leaving faint marks in his skin as the kiss intensified.

“God, baby I missed you so much,” he said in between sloppy kisses. His tongue shoved its way past the barrier that my lips had formed and I sucked in a breath through my nose, like I always did when he would make that action. Shawn kissed me and handled me like no one else had ever done before. It always left me breathless, thankful, and yearning.

After a full minute, a knock at my door pulled us apart. Or, at least it should have. He pecked me a few times more (maybe a little too much) and bit my lower lip, pulling on it a bit (which made me expel a hushed moan) before releasing me just in time for be to respond to my mom’s call.

“Y/N, sweetie you ready?” she asked, not opening the door yet, and thankfully she didn’t, because I’d either have to shove Shawn into the bay window drawer or get caught in a lie.

I felt like shoving him into the drawer would be less painful.

“Not quite, mom!” I yelled, cursing in my head.

“Are you going somewhere?” he whispered, wrapping his arms around my waist tightly and pressing kisses along the side of my face. His plump lips could melt from the contact of my heated skin.

“Not anymore,” I mumbled, falling into his touch even more. “Uh, mom, I totally forgot I have uh.....uh a report due at the beginning of the semester! I wanna get a head start!” I said loud enough for her to hear.. I had pulled away from Shawn a little so I was practically yelling in his ear, but his arms stayed tight. He ran his nose across mine before touching my forehead with it, and giving me a small feather of a kiss there. I giggled lightly and ghosted my lips across his, causing him to nip back at mine, white made me giggle some more.

“Are you sure, honey?” she asked, and I prayed she didn’t open the door and catch us.

“Yeah, mom, maybe another night, I promise!” I said, now exasperated and desperate for her to leave us alone. Or rather me, since as far as she was concerned, I was the only one in the room.

“Alright,” she said, and I could hear the shadow of disappointment in her voice.The only thing I felt bad for was not feeling as bad as I should have for bailing on this dinner. But there were other nights, as long as there was the assurance that she and dad wouldn’t be working.

A very minor possibility, but all I wanted to focus on was Shawn at that moment.

“We’ll be back around 12:00, sweetie! Goodnight,” she bade me, and I waited a few seconds before reaching up and attatching my lips to Shawn’s once again, only for him to pull away gently.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Don’t you think spending time with you parents is more important than me?” he asked, removing his arms from around my waist and taking my hands in his, lacing our fingers together.

I blinked. “Shawn, I have the entire vacation with them,” I said. We both knew that wasn’t true, but for the moment, we would believe it.

“And only an hour or two with me,” he nodded.

“Sooner or later Andrew is gonna figure out you’re missing,” I said, raising my brows like a parent who knew there statement was correct.

“Nah, I think he knows where I am,” he laughed. “Pretty sure he caught a glimpse of me sneaking out the back entrance of the venue,”

“The fans?” I asked, cringing. They were like the FBI or something, or some sort of mutant species that could pinpoint his exact location without him having to�� say or post anything. I was suddenly worried they would have followed him to my house, resulting in a huge crowd on the streets. They would only leave if he would, and since I didn’t want him to, that meant that the crowd would stay as long as they could until he gave them what they wanted. And how the hell would explain a freaking sea of teenagers piling up outside my house to my parents?

“Hey, don’t worry,” he assured, brushing some strands of hair out of my face. The faintest of touches- the strongest wave of emotions. My heart rate sped up. “I’m sure no one caught me except Andrew. I had my hoodie up until halfway here, I ditched it on a bus stop bench,” he chuckled.

I shook my head. “Well, as long as you’re here,” my arms latched around his neck as his went back to my waist. He kissed my cheek, his lips maintaining contact as the seconds went by. I could feel the faint breaths from his nose land upon my cheekbones. He wasn’t here for long, and if we would have to spend that time kissing, we would. “I wish we could always hold each other,” I lamented.

He looked at me, removing his lips. His lust filled mahogany gaze bore into me. “We’ll figure this out, baby. I promise,” he mumbled.

“Whatever,” I sighed, smiling. “Right now, this is what I call perfect,”

~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m gonna make more parts to this, like an imagine of them meeting in the cafe or one of their adventures in Europe :) because this is just too freakin cute to pass up lmao

Hope you enjoyed  😘

[ignisaurumprobat19-blog]

Nomad (full story)

initially published on r/nosleep

PART 1

February 12th, 2015, 6.42am

I'm awoken by the shrill sound of my alarm. Still half-asleep, I reflexively grab my Iphone and turn it on. The date immediately catches my eye. Yesterday, it's been five years since I got here. It's the first time I reach 5 years in the same place. Part of me is thrilled, but I can't help having a sense of impending doom.

Unlike most days, I manage to get out of bed before my mother comes banging on my door. Maybe that's because of the five-year anniversary, but I feel an urgency to enjoy every minute. If there are people to see, things to do, words to say, I have to do it. Fast.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this time I'll stay longer. Maybe this time I won't have to leave.

8.03am

I pick up Alice on her doorstep. She slumps into the passenger seat and greets me with a « Fuck, I'm so fucking tired ». I laugh, turn up the radio and we sing along, like every morning since September, when I finally passed my driving licence. The road to school is a quick one. I almost want to keep driving, or to tell her, right here, right now, that I love her and that she's the best friend I've ever had. But being cheesy isn't like me, and she might find it weird. If I leave, she'll think of this conversation as a troubling coincidence. If I stay, she'll think I'm not being my usual self and she'll worry, and I dont want to have to deal with this today. So I just park in front of school, and we go on with our day.

5.35pm

It's been an ordinary day. I've been on the alert all the time since yesterday, waiting for something to happen, but so far everything is fine. I might really stay this time. I try not to get my hopes up, but I can't stop myself. I'm alone in the car on the way back from school, Alice got out earlier. I don't turn on the radio this time. At every car that drives a little recklessly, at every red light, I sweat, I get anxious.

7.20pm

Mom cooked a roast for Dad and I and vegetarian lasagna for Chloe. Chloe's just got back from university for a two week break, and even if she answers the parents' questions, she seems.. Distant. Off. Not in a worrying way, though. More in a laid-back way, as if she didn't really know where she was, but it didn't matter. She smiles constantly. The food is delicious. My sister seems on cloud nine. For the first time today, I feel completely relaxed.

11.10pm

A knock on my door. « - Yup ? -Can I come in ? » Chloe's head appears in my doorway. « - Sure. »

She settles down on my bed. « - How's school ? -Not too bad. Still waiting for the answers to my uni applications. I don't think I'll get into a great one, but I'll be happy with anything as long as I can hope to become a doctor. -Hey, don't say that. Wait for the results before saying you won't get in. -Yeah. I guess. -And how's life ? How are your friends ? -Fine. I still hangout with the same ones, basically, but I met lots of Alice's friends so I hangout with them sometimes, too. -And what about boys ? -Nothing new on that side. I would have told you otherwise ! -Well... I might have something to tell you. -I knew it ! You're not pregnant are you ?! -Nooo ! But you know, Alex and I were talking last night, about our future careers and all, and we ended up talking about the future in general... Ad he said he planned to propose at the end of the year ! -Holy fuck ! But that's awesome ! -I know ! I'm so excited ! But I haven't told anyone yet, not even Mom, so please stay quiet for now. I'd rather wait until we're actually engaged before telling people. -Sure ! -But... You will be my bridesmaid, right ? I know you're not a fan of weddings but... -Of course I will ! Come on ! You're my sister ! » But as I say those words, my heart is heavy. I really hope I'll get to fulfill this promise.

Februray 13th, 2015, 8.20am

I slept through my alarm today. I run through the house : breakfast/shower/get clothed/ grab keys/ grab bag. Thankfully I don't have to pick-up Alice today, she only starts her classes at 10am. I sing along to the radio, even though I'm alone. I think about Chloe's wedding, her engagement party, her hen do. It's going to be so amazing ! Today, I want to be positive and allow myself to make plans. No matter what happens, I can't live the rest of my life avoiding any kind of plans. For fuck sake, that's not living. I'm singing (terribly) along to « You're beautiful » when the truck goes through the red light and crashes into my car.

August 22nd, 1999, 7.22am.

I'm awoken by the shrill sound of my alarm. Still half-asleep, I reflexively try to grab my Iphone on the nightstand, but my hand only encounters the void. No Iphone. No nightstand, even. That's when it hits me. The truck. The red light. Chloe. My life. It's over. As I start to tear up, my mind is bombarbed with informations. I know, without knowing how, that my name is Alexandra now. I'm no longer 18, I'm 24. I've been a secretary in my dad's office for the past two years, I live alone, I have no siblings and I have a 26 year old boyfriend but our relationship isn't great lately. I know what I look like, despite not having seen my reflection yet. I also know that I am dead.

First time I died, I didn't really understand what was going on. Mind you, I was four and a half at the time. I was sick, I knew that, but I didn't know I was going to die. Did my parents know ? Did they try to get me ready for it ? I don't know. I don't remember much of them. I remember a blonde woman and a man with steel-blue eyes and lines around the eyes. I don't even know their names. I always called them « Mom » and « Dad ». My name was Leah. I don't know the exact year, but I think it was in the 1980's. I just remember that I couldn't breathe anymore, and then I fell asleep, and then I woke up and I knew that I was Mary, that I was 14, had brown hair, and had to get up and go to my best friend's house. I had a new family, a new face, and a completely different body from the little girl's body I fell asleep in. I screamed for my mom, but the mom who came to me wasn't the blonde mom I was used to. I explained the situation as best as I could ; and Mary was up for three years of therapy. I simply couldn't act like a 14 year old teen. I was completely capable of doing well in school, as I had access to all of Mary's knowledge, but I didn't know how to behave with her family and friends. I was just a small child inside. I died in a car crash when I was 17. Or 8, depending on your viewpoint.

The next day, I was Claire, 10 years old. The transition was easier this time ; I could act like a child again. This time, I didn't tell anyone about Leah or Mary. I pretended I was Claire, and I didn't get sent to therapy. Claire died at 14, falling off her horse, in 1982.

Then I was Laura. Laura was different. Laura was 28, when I was only 13. Laura had a husband, a son, and a job as a sales rep in a big firm in NY. The year was 2022, and it was my first time using the Internet, which didn't help. Most of all, Laura was a cocaine addict. She didn't look like she used, at first glance. She was pretty, with blonde hair and a doll-like face. Sure, her eyes were bloodshot, but with a toddler and a time-consuming professionnal life, what else could you expect ? But as soon as I woke up as Laura, her body asked for its dose.

I killed Laura three months later.

The first time I committed suicide, I thought I would really die. I didn't think I would come back. I was only 13, I still believed there was a way out. I know better now. After my overdose, I woke up and I was Rebecca, 43. In 1973. The guilt was overwhelming, at first. I thought I had deprived Laura's loved ones of their wife, their mother, their daugher, their friend. Because of that, Rebecca got depressed until she died at the hands of an attacker, in a street of San Francisco, in January 1976.

But I realized, years later (or sometimes, years before ), that feeling guilty made no sense. Since the second I arrived, Laura was gone. Whether I killed myself or not, she wasn't coming back. If I stayed, I would only have spent more time pretending to be her, trying to be a wife to her husband, a mother to her son. And the 13 year old girl I was was too young to take care of a baby or to have sex with a 30 year old man. I know now that I took the right decision. It was better for them to grieve for Laura than to have their life ruined by me pretending to be her.

Nowadays, I don't hesitate before I committ suicide. I know the real people won't come back anyway, so if I'm unhappy in a life, I just go to the next one. When I decide to stay, nonetheless, it looks like I'm only alloted a limited time. On average, I get 4 years. Sometimes less, rarely more. The maximum so far has been 5 years and two days.

I shouldn't have stayed that long. I should have left before. How naïve of me to think that I could stay. Have a family, be a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding.

7.42pm

If I don't want to be late for work, I have to get up now. I get out of bed, head to the bathroom. In the mirror, Alexandra is looking back at me. I can't stand this. I scream, punch the mirror, grab a shard of glass and slit my throat.

June 7th, 1981, 6.32am

I wake up in the arms of a man. Before I can even get access to who I am, a severe nausea gets me running to the bathroom. The noise wakes the man up. As I vomit, he walks up behind me and lovingly holds my hair up. He whispers : « - You know, I got an idea for the name. What about Leah ? » Holding my big, pregnant belly, I stand up slowly. My eyes meet our reflection in the mirror above the sink : a blonde woman, a man with blue-steel eyes and lines around the eyes. I wonder how to tell him that less than 5 years from now, our daughter will die.

-----------------------------------------------------

PART 2

September 9th, 1985, 4.05am

I've failed.

I've failed, and now I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I see her little body going still, her chest rising and falling for the last time.

I've tried. I've been an overprotective mother. I made sure she always wore the right clothes for the weather, I breastfed her, I gave her healthy, balanced meals. But what can I do against cancer ? If only this was not the 80's. If only it was a century from now, she would have had a much better chance. But I don't get to chose that.

And now she's gone. Just like I knew she would, deep down, since she is me.

And all the last glimmers of hope, hope that I could change my fate, hope that I could make it stop, went away with her last breath.

September 9th, 1985, 10.12am

I've applied make up carefully. My blonde hair is in a strict low bun. I've ironed my black dress right before we left.

I've got to look good. After all, this is also my funeral.

My husband looks like a mess. His world shattered three days ago, and he already looks several years older. I tear up, looking at him and his devastated face.

My feelings for him have been hard to define, given that he both gave life to me and made me his wife, even though he has no idea about the first part. All I know is that I've never felt anything but pure love towards him, so it can't be bad, can it ? I didn't chose to come back here. I can't be blamed for feeling this.

I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. I try to find the right words, but will there ever be anything right to say anymore ?

Our eyes are still locked when the loud screeching noise starts, and then there is nothing but pain, and then there is nothing at all.

March 21st , 2004, 10.32am

Samantha's life sounds pretty shitty, to be honest. I've only been here for an hour, but I'm not thrilled at the idea of having a husband who cheats on me, two teenagers to deal with, and crippling debt.

Not to mention that I absolutely hate her look.

Luckily, it's Sunday and the husband took the kids out to the swimming pool. A weekly occurrence, apparently. So I have another hour left to cry my heart out about everything. Everything that has just happened. Everything that happened in the past 5 years. Or everything that happened 20 years ago, if you'd rather.

It was a good life. It was a messy, disturbing situation, sure, but it was a good life.

My mother's name was Patricia, and my father's was Eric. They were good people. She was a children's book illustrator, he worked in a bank, and while they don't sound like the most assorted pair, they were crazy about each other. I had to tone that down, obviously, but it was easy to blame it on the pregnancy, the childbirth, the fatigue from raising a kid. I made sure Eric never felt unloved.

Most of all, they loved me. Oh, they loved me so much.

We were an ordinary family, but it was enough. It was more than enough.

June 5th, 2004, 3.15pm

More than two months in now, and Samantha's life is pretty shitty. But I've seen worse. She doesn't drink, smoke or use drugs. She's an housewife, and it's strangely relaxing to not have to deal with too many people during the day. Or at all, really, since her husband barely talks to her and her kids try to spend as much time as possible outside the house.

One thing that I really enjoy about Samantha, though, is that the déjà-vu feeling is gone.

It started during the pregnancy. I'd get this adrenaline rush, recognize the scene, and I knew what was going to happen in the next 10 to 30 seconds.

This has never happened, in any other life. From a young age, I've had no choice but to force myself to remember everything. When you've lived different lives, at different times, you simply cannot allow yourself to slip and say something out of character, or talk about a technology that doesn't exist yet or an event that didn't happen. It gets you into a lot of trouble. Trust me, I know.

I shrugged it off as the hormones playing tricks on my mind.

But once Leah was born, it got worse.

I had déjà-vu about once a day, and I was always correct.

It made feel... Uneasy. It didn't feel right.

And now it's gone.

April 7th, 2017, 7.12am

I haven't thought of Patricia in years. Or decades, I guess, but whatever.

I suppose it's writing all this stuff that reminded me of her. She was a good person, I suppose, but she got stuck in such a bland life. If she went somewhere when I came, too, maybe she's better now. I hope that's how it works.

Admittedly, what happened yesterday makes it obvious that I don't know much about how it works.

I was sitting on the bench, at my usual bus stop. I've been taking this bus home from work from monday to friday, at 6.18pm, for 2 years. Ever since I woke up as Sophia. I love it here. The city is nice, Sophia is young, she has cool friends and a nice flat. The time is good too. Right before it all started to break down. I'll be gone before that, of course, that's the good part of knowing history. Or the future, as they'd call it here.

The second I saw the long, overflowing yellow skirt, I was overwhelmed with this long-lost, yet familiar, déjà-vu feeling.

I knew she was going to stand in front of me, not sit, and hop in the next bus.

I could already see her long auburn hair caressing her elbows as she looked to the left to see her bus approching, standing with her back to me. Hell, I could even smell her sweet, sugary perfume.

But for the first time, I was wrong.

She walked towards me.

She stood with her back to me.

She looked to the left, saw her bus approaching.

Then she turned around to face me.

In a swift , determined motion, she grabbed my chin, lifted my face to meet my eyes.

Whispered :

« Stop telling them about it. ».

-----------------------------------------------------

PART 3

April 9th, 3.50pm, 2017

I'm going mad here. I'm so tired of all this.

After the girl with the yellow skirt ordered me to stop talking about it, I went crazy. I grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her, yelling. I don't even know what I was saying. It was like decades of anger and pain poured out of my body. People interfered to protect her, and she got away. Before I knew, I was on the bench again and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I'm so mad at myself ! I could have gotten answers, or at least a clue on what's happening.

There were colleagues around, and they saw everything. One of them got on the next bus with me and got me home safe. She even offered to cook me dinner and stay for a bit, since I was in such a bad state. I refused. I didn't trust myself to control my words.

I got called into my boss' office the next day, and I pretended the girl was someone an ex-boyfriend cheated on me with and that I lost my temper when she provoked me.

He seemed to believe it, but he looked worried about me. Kept telling me his door was open if I needed to talk.  People at work are definitely looking at me differently now.

I hate that they see me that way. I am not a violent person. I've only been violent when I had to.  Violence can be necessary, but a guy cheating on me is not a valid reason to use violence. Why would it matter to me, anyway ? All of my relationships are, by essence, short ones. I can't afford to get too attached to someone.

When I arrived at the office this morning, there was a letter for me in the mail. The secretary said it wasn't sent, it was brought. By a man, in their thirties, black hair, pretty average. That's all she could remember about him when I pressed her for details.

The letter was handwritten, black ink on a simple white sheet of paper.

The ink ran a little.

It said :

«You are not one of them, but you need to learn.

If they know, you can't learn.

If you can't learn, it will only take longer.

Be wise, as it is your nature.

Trust me, cause we are One. »

It was signed by a single letter : *« H »*.

In all my lives, I don't remember being close to a man whose name started with « H ». As I said, I haven't had many lovers. Partly because I've been a kid or a teenager for quite a long time, and also a married woman a few times, and partly because when I was a single adult, being in a serious relationship was too much trouble. I've had flings, of course, but I try not to get too involved. Living with someone when the relationship didn't preexisted my arrival is tricky. I can't be fully myself, but there's no established routine that I can rely on, either. Everything has to be created from scratch, and for someone like me, it can be dangerous to open up too much.

Not to mention the fact that when I ineluctably leaves, I'd rather have as few people as possible to mourn me.

But now that I think about it, if I met him in another life, maybe I knew him under another identity. Maybe « H » is only his name here and now. That would mean he's like me, that would mean I'm not alone.

I don't know if that's a relief or one more reason to worry.

He seems to know a lot more than I do : if he is like me, then why am I not as informed as he is ? Are there more people like us ? What do they want from me ? What am I supposed to learn ?

Why did they let me suffer so much, for decades, without ever telling me that I wasn't completely alone ?

Where were they when I was Alicia, when I cut her 15 year old wrists so that the nightly rapes she endured stopped ?

Where were they when I was  Brooke, when every second of the life I lived was spent fighting because there's no other way for a homeless woman to survive in the streets of a devasted New York ?

Where were they when I was Catherine and died in a pool of my own blood, holding the corpse of my lifeless newborn ?

Where were they when I was Amelia and died in a car crash that killed a whole family in the other car, as well as my own kid in the backseat ?

Where were they when I went from being 31 to being 15 again, and lost once again every bit of a life I had built ?

Where were they when I was my own mother and had to watch myself die ?

If they knew and did nothing, then I think I know all I need to know about them. I don't want to play a part in whatever they're doing. I don't care if I'm an aberration of nature or the result of a freak experiment. I don't want to serve anyone. I don't want to « learn ».

April 9th, 5.01pm, 2017

Ok, ok. I could be freaking out over nothing. He could be someone who works in the building, who read my posts and guessed my identity. Maybe he's pulling a prank on me ?

April 10th, 10.06am, 2017

Something happened on the bus to work.

I was hit with a déjà-vu so intense my head started to throb. She wasn't the girl with the yellow skirt, but someone much younger. 15-ish ? Curly black hair, dark brown eyes, freckles, rather cute, really. I had never met her, but I *knew* her.

I didn't see anything, this time. The déjà-vu wasn't about a moment, it was about *her*.

When she spoke, her tone was so low I could barely pick up what she said.

« Don't ask me anything. I can't answer. But please stop posting. You're not ready yet. You just have to learn. If you don't know yet, then you still have to learn. You're only making this more difficult for yourself. If only you stopped fighting, you could be ready so soon. »

Her tone was almost pleading. She kept her glaze ahead while talking. After a few seconds of silence, she finally turned to look at me.

« I miss you. »

My tears started falling down, years of them, a waterfall on my cheeks and neck.

« You can't do that, you can't, you can't just come and tell me to stop asking questions and to stop talking and to just shut up, you can't ! I'm not a puppet, I'm not your toy, please stop it, I'd do whatever it takes, please, please, I can't take it anymore, you forced me to be my own mother, please, please, please... »

People were starting to give me weird looks, but she wasn't even listening anymore. The bus had come to an halt, she was already getting up.

I grabbed her wrist desperately. She shook herself free and bended down so that her face was close to mine. Her face expressed equal parts anger and pain.

«  Stop whining, Parthenos. You never had a mother».

And with that, she was gone.

I've looked up Parthenos. It means « virgin » in Greek. I'm not a virgin, I've never set foot in Greece, and as far I know, I've never been someone who had greek origins. If she knows as much about me as she seems to, she should know that.

As much as it scares me to admit it, though, that word feels familiar.

April 10th, 1.04pm, 2017

I know who she is. I don't know how, but I know who she is.

When I was Alicia, I didn't have many friends. I was a lonely kid who tried to avoid contact with others as much as I could. I didn't trust anyone, and I didn't want anyone to know what was going on at home.

I could have killed him. I could have killed my stepdad. Before I was Alicia, I was Meryl. Meryl knew all about killing people. She didn't like it, and it wasn't nice being Meryl, but she had to. That's why I stayed for as long as I could. People needed her. The job had to be done.

So yes, I could have killed him. But I didn't. I didn't want to get sent to jail or to a psych ward. When I decided to end it, I just killed myself instead.

But while I was Alicia, there was one person I trusted. Her name was Victoria. She had long, shiny blond hair and a seemingly perfect life, yet she chose, for some reason, to hang out with the school weirdo. I was so grateful for her.

I remember that once, we were watching tv in her living room when I saw myself smiling on a picture on the wall. Myself, as Rebecca. I knew it was before I arrived in Rebecca's body : I had memories of this, but they were not firsthand memories.

When I asked Victoria about the woman in the picture, she said it was her grandmother. That gave me chills.

And now, that girl on the bus. I know she's Victoria.

April 10th, 3.42pm, 2017

I got another letter at work. Brought by the same man, according to the secretary. She paid more attention to him this time : definitely in his thirties, black straight hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, dressed smart in a dark blue suit. I still have no idea who he is.

I'm scared to open the letter.

April 10th, 3.55pm, 2017

Black ink on a simple sheet of white paper.

« Let's get coffee tomorrow, my dear niece.

8am, Starbucks on Crowne St.

Be careful who you talk to.

H. ».

---------------------------------

PART 4 (FINAL)

April 11th, 2017, 7.56am

He's already sitting at a table when I walk into the coffeeshop. Black suit, black shirt, black hair, and those striking blue eyes. He looks about 32, maybe 33, definitely not older than 34.

Sophia is 27. If he really is my uncle, then he definitely wasn't talking about this life.  

He notices me and waves, and as I meet his eyes, my head starts to throb. Just like when I saw that girl on the bus. Victoria, or whatever she's called now.

I walk to his table and sit in front of him.

Neither of us say a word.

Then he starts smiling. Bigger, and bigger, and bigger. He doesn't look threatening though, he looks.. Entertained. That pisses me off so much.  

« -Having fun, eh ? You and your friends must be having a blast, messing up with my life ! What are you ? Scientists ? Did you make your little freak experiment with me ? »  

He shakes his head, still smiling.  

« A cult, then ? »  

That makes him chuckle.  

« Oh no, no. We're definitely not worshipping anyone. » He laughs even harder at that.  

« Calm down. I'm not responsible for what's happening to you, ok ? It just... Happened. You needed it.».

« It just happened ?! That's your explanation ? I just happened to have my life fucking cursed ? »  

He sighs and takes his head in his hands.  

« Why do you always have to be so dramatic ? I'm trying my best here, could you at least try ? »  

« Try ? What am I supposed to do ? »

« Just... Remember! » He looks exsperated. « I get it, you needed it, blah blah blah, but you don't have time anymore, and now Héra found you, and... » He stops mid-sentence, shoots me an almost frightened look : « Ah, never mind. »

Hera. I feel a wave of panic through my whole body. For a few seconds, I'm confused and none of this makes sense. All I feel is fear, fear, fear, and I cannot form a coherent thought.  

Then it hits me.  

Long, flowing skirt. Auburn hair. The girl from the bus stop.  

Not too different from her real form.

I knew Hera before I was Sophia. Before I was Alicia, Meryl,  Brooke, Ciara, Jane, Alisha, Heidi, Samantha, Patricia, Amelia, Catherine, Cindy, Priyanka, Mary, Rebecca, Laura... Before I was Leah.  

Before this place was unhabited.  

Before humans were created.

I look at my uncle. I still see his current form, but I also see every one of his appearances since the last time I saw him.  

Unlike me, he didn't have to be different people. He always looks more or less as he does now, except he alters his style to fit in whatever time period he's in.  

Of course, only our kind can see him as he really is. This is no more than a disguise, a way to walk among you. But unlike some of us, he doesn't do it to manipulate you or to gain power. He genuinely always liked you, ever since I gave you life. He said you were fascinating. I didn't understand why, but I do now. I do.  

He looks alarmed when he sees that I'm tearing up.  

I choke on my own tears : « Oh, Dis... »  

I've always called him by this nickname, even though he hated it. *Mostly* because he hated it, and it was fun to annoy him.  

I can see relief flowing over his face. A tear rolls on his tanned, smooth cheek, and he grabs my hand :  

« About time. We need you. »  

« Hestia came to talk to me on the bus yesterday. Is she ok ? »

« She is. She always kept an eye on you. »  

I'm crying now. The kind of sobs that leave you out of breath, a mess of snot and tears and mascara rivers.  

I squeeze back Hades' hand and let myself break down.  

I'm back.

I needed to learn. It's both a blessing and a curse to be the incarnation of Wisdom and War. Violence is a part of me, but resorting to it have always felt like failing.

As humans multiplied, violence and war were everywhere. I did all I could, but your wars drained me.  

By becoming too involved in your conflicts, I ended up forgetting my nature.

I wanted to end you, wipe you off, so we could have some peace. But some of my kind wouldn't let that happen. They have different plans for you.

Since I couldn't end you, I had to find another way. I didn't understand you, and there were so many of you. I couldn't answer your calls. I needed to learn. I needed to experience the spectrum of human emotions. So I became one of you.

What I've learned is that you are, indeed, insignificant. Earth would be a more peaceful place without you.  

You can kill, rape, torture, bully, kidnap, mutilate, harass, enslave...  

In other words, you are just like us.

But you are also capable of love. I've seen that. I've felt that.

Learning time is over, now. Dark times are ahead.  

More wars are coming. Some of us are going to make sure they happen.

But I'll be there, humans.

I am Athena Parthenos.  

I am Athena Nikè.  

I am Athena Pallas, daughter of Zeus, niece of Hera, Hades, Hestia, Demeter and Poseidon, granddaughter of Chronos and Rhea, great-grand daughter of Gaia and Uranus.

I never had a mother, but I know motherly love.  

I can't be hurt by human weapons, but I know the pain of blades and fists.  

I can't get sick, but I know the misery of illness.  

I don't age, but I know the affliction of old age.  

I can't be killed, but I know what death feels like.

I am ready. I hope you are too.

[thehungoverwriter]

A list of things that happened yesterday accompanied by rambling

Things that happened yesterday  Wake up at 8 Fall asleep and wake back up at 10 Chill Rocket League  Joint when Matas woke up around noon Skate to uni Greet uni mates  Deliver a pair of drunkenly borrowed shades to uni mate from lower semester whom I've tutored Get free pint because uni is celebrating a good review Shoot "Aha moment" video for uni assignment https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0ByCbTk5hgTlKMFNldEpnWkpRc2s Get several more free pints and hang out in the sun with bunch of uni friends  Beers and cigarettes, really wonderful to see Sidsel Hjertmann and Rie. Mads Topp and Mads Sensei as usual. Slightly salty but honest and direct is Topp. "Where's Mathias is he coming at all lately it's like there's been a huge wall between him and magnus and the rest of the world". And he's right, too, they've both been smoking a ton of weed. But I have too. I think we all agree that we've been smoking a lot. Havetha cut down on that.  Rie is a godsend. I met up with her at Nordkraft the day before yesterday, and initially I didn't hug her. I'm so awkward and bad. But then later I just downright went over to her group and kinda looked shyly at her opening my body up as if to ask for a hug. She immediately (see? literally a godsent woman is she) stood up and we hugged. And the thing is, she doesn't hug like anybody else I've met. She embraces you with her whole heart, soul, body and mind. She plants a sapling in your soul, sprouting into a small tree that will grow within, inviting the kind of soulful peace only a tree can bring.  In reality she just hugs me really tightly and lingers, letting the hug last a few seconds. God sent.  Where was I? Beers and cigarettes? Yeah that went on for a few hours with uni arrangement, and then when the sun went away we took shelter inside, where the usual "fredagsbar" was going on. Greeted Pernilla's friendly ex boyfriend, as well as Camilla, the girl I went on my first date with. They work at the bar and serve beers, so it's nice because it's like you get to exchange a few words and then it's expected of you to dip out again.  Mathias joined at some point, to the (mildly surprised) delight of everyone. His face shined in a way it hasn't in a long time. He's told me he was very happy he went, and that he really struggled with doubts before finally getting on that freaking bus.  Oh! I skated to uni. That was a really nice ride. It's gotta be said. It feels awesome to skate. It's particularly noticeable at the bus station. Coming in on bus, you're literally a part of a mass transportation. You're everybody. Coming in on a skateboard? Well, I look badass coming into view on the bridge above, and then I skate down a really steep and narrow little bike path, where I've gotten past 30 kilometers per hour before. It's a thrill and yet it feels comfortable enough for me. Free adrenaline more or less oh my god I hope mum never finds out or sees this note.  Anyway, yeah, then I skate down the middle of the road, with loads of people in or waiting on, busses, literally getting to be somebody rather than everybody. (jeez this guy sure seems full of himself)  Later on the day when the bar was kinda finishing up (it's run by students whom I don't think get paid so it's kinda natural that people go away so they can get off the hook) we went up to Topp's place, in the apartment building next to the uni building. Details are kinda foggy but nice people were there and so were the cigarettes and beers. I really enjoy getting to go outside with a smaller group of people - the smokers circle - because it's such a chill atmosphere out there. Things get more personal as people feel less judged and judgey, at least in my experience. Also, any time spent with Rie is time that is treasured. You know I apparently admitted my love for her during new years eve? She wrote me the day after, asking me how I felt, as apparently she had told me she'd prefer we stayed friends. I was completely fine with it, as I kinda figured already that she'd prefer that, and also because I know how much she loves Århus, and how she's planning to go there soon. So you know... It wasn't heartbreaking in any way, and yesterday we finally got to talk about that whole thing face to face, and cement the fact that we're still really good and close friends, who basically love each other, but who don't date.  Anyway, where was I? Oh, it was also lovely seeing Mille, who is apparently Topps new neighbor. After Topps party, which was really sort of a middle party or something like that, a party in between two other parties. Technically I got drunk at 4 separate events yesterday, the free bar that was put up to celebrate the good accreditation, then the Friday bar, then Topps private party and lastly an actual official big party, arranged by the other party committee in our building. That was also a really good party, lots of nice people, and comfortable atmosphere.  I had a moment with Sidsel Hjertmann where it was just us two, and she basically showered me with kind words. She was relentless it was awfully good. It was the first time perhaps ever, where I've thought about kissing someone.  Hmm. This is already really long, and I haven't described McDonald's and the walk home yet, or the incredibly fun cart Mathias dragged me around on when we got silly drunk. I want to finish with a few words about Sidsel..  Sidsel is good. Emphatically and wholesomely good. She's a hero. A soulful, beautiful heart. She's so pure. Angelic. She's the kind of girl who loves the entire world and yet she is dead set on righting wrongs and making sure that people get to live good lives. She's incredibly strong, and I think she's starting to know that. At least I hope she does.