#if i pointed anything out yknow
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No because why does NO ONE bring up the doctor's anatomy, like in that one episode where he has to go through a bunch of cars in New New York and almost passes out, why dosent he get way more light headed/pass out sooner? They have two hearts! I bet their lungs were doing summersaults just trying to keep up, I actually head canon that they get cold often and sometimes during a big fight their arm or leg goes a little bit numb because of little to no circulation. I mean no wonder they wear so many jackets! I have similar problems with circulation and getting cold and im constantly in my jacket or huddled under my blanket lol.
#doctor who#the doctor#this is either pure hc or pointing out an error#I KNOW THIS SHOW IS SILLY#DONT COME AT ME FOR POINTING THIS OUT#if i pointed anything out yknow#i may be entirely wrong#and maybe they did address this#like in classic who#who knows🤷#obviously not me#new new york#martha jones#tenth doctor
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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')
#tomgreg#succession#dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel#and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited#so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen#thats the kind of person i am#dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor#i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg#only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual#oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before#but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine#i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it
If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them
#IM NOT GONNA GET TO MAKE IT FOR LIKE A YEAR...#well.#hmmm...#9 months#BUT it won't launch for like a year#so no one will get to SEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm shooting for pride month next year#pri(demon)th#LMAO#please pleae spleaple pla psl eaplse plaese#also when I say I want to talk about them I dont mean like let me ramble I mean... its hard to explain#but I want to be able to be like omg this meme is soooo zagan#and stuff like that#like I want them to Exist for me and for other people#so that they can be like a part of our lives#I mean. I also want to talk about it#but the story is still technically at that point where anything I make right now is still possible to change#cause. like. yknow.#the way writing works#especially for webcomics#ESPECIALLY for long form webcomics#and ESPECIALLY for me#is that until I get to actually see it as thumbnails#I dont know wtf is actually gonna happen.#like. stuff I've had planned for YEARS isn't making it in the furhter I'm getting into development#and I had always had it in my mind as a canon event but it's just sorta not anymore??#so. yeah I dont want to share too much outside of just art of them#cause I don't want there to be like Wrong information out there....#anyways.#we were legion
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and the world is not a better place because of it.
[ID: a digital drawing of maki harukawa from danganronpa v3: killing harmony. she is on her knees and hunched over, shaking, and clutching kaitos jacket. she is coated in heavy purple lighting, while the background is pitch black.]
#(on the verge of tears) chapter five nation we stay on top#maki harukawa#drv3#danganronpa v3#danganronpa#danganronpa v3 killing harmony#killing harmony#ndrv3#before getting to the halfway point of trial five#i thought maki was so dead set on kaito being dead because it meant omas death would mean something#omas execution would have meaning. it would be justice for kaito. he'd be avenged#and things wouldn't be alright but it would be closure#(and presumably the end of the killing game before we find out. yknow.)#vs the messier reality of kaitos execution#i like trial five a normal amount as you can tell#joeys art#image described#OH YEAH featuring my mild maki redesign#most dr girl outfits make me very very sad.. give them pants.. give them anything other than school uniforms
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The leaks abt the new Viktor VGU confirming they're replacing all of his old skins and designs with the Arcane version is.... So so disappointing. I want to cry in frustration. Old Lore Viktor is self made, he and Jayce clashed over a difference in morals that were still understandable and grounded in reality. Viktor left, created his new body HIMSELF and used his ingenuity to help the people of Zaun. To replace all that with a sleek iPad version where he just gets possessed by an infected magic orb and ascends to godhood or whatever is SUCH a let down.
#Arcane spoilers#Arcane#league of legends#Viktor#Imma be honest. It sours me a bit on the second season of arcane ngl#Like. I didn't enjoy it while watching the show but thought. Yknow. It makes sense since they needed a clear ending#Can't really have a machine herald whose methods may be questionable but who undoubtedly does good#And has a solid point in the piltover Zaun conflict#If you want your show to end in two seasons#But to have THIS? as CANON? INSTEAD OF WHAT WE HAD????#bro is as shallow as a street puddle#They stripped him of all nuance#All the emotions are a flaw stuff came WITHOUT SETUP OR ANYTHING he was just a completely different person after the hexcore#The only remaining trait being his wish to help people which. He and Jayce already shared#That's the whole point. They want the same thing but disagree on how to get there#To make him a cosmic threat unrelatable to humanity is.... Bad#ESPECIALLY since even in the SHOW they said it's bad#Ekko breaks him out of his herald mind break then Jayce tells him hey man I love u as a worm and viktor remembers#Oh shit humanity is necessary actually#And then they fuck off into nowhere#Arcane machine herald is literally and inarguably In The Wrong#So to take the nuance out of old lore viktor and replace it with this husk?#soso sso so upset
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ngl i still dont fullheartedly believe in the knight papyrus theory solely because i will never pretend to have any clue on what the hell ever goes on in that dog's brain but i do think the funniest argument people ever make against it is when they say undertale and deltarune are two totally separate entities with no overlap of important characters whatsoever. its like they got to the part in chapter two where everyone fell asleep and then closed the game
#trousled rambles#like there are good arguments to be made against papyrus being the knight but that one doesn't work when toriel is Going to be in chapter 3#and possibly undyne or napstablook too. my bets are on napstablook personally#mostly because i Do want to believe in my theory that the dark worlds could be based on ut areas starting with the ruins/Home#just because i think it would be cool :> but yeah thats all to say toby definitely changed his mind about everything being separate#as in it's a separate story and world sure but the undertale characters are definitely still gonna be important lol#deltarune#there's no way for the chapter 2 ending to be a troll like chapter 1 unless that's a straight up gas leak or something#personally i dont think there'll be a plotline in deltarune about kris murdering their mom and bff via CO poisoning but maybe thats just me#anyway if u wanna make a good argument against knight papyrus just point out that it would mean literally nothing to the kids lmao#it breaks my heart to say but like. they dont know that guy. they would just be confused if anything they dont gaf#its not actually that hard to debunk if u think of it narratively just dont be dumb/rude/wrong about it yknow#that being said if ur only debunking it to support the turtle guy instead u need to stop talking sorry . i make the rules :(
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something that is like the baseline of amys entire character to me is that shes lonely. shes clingy and physically affectionate in a way none of her friends really are, shes always getting pushed aside and left behind. yeah, she helps out people she doesnt know because shes a nice person, but also, she sees part of herself in them. she wont leave someone else behind because she knows the feeling —and more importantly, hates the feeling. if she doesnt have somebody to stand by her and be there for her, then shes going to be that person for everybody else. something something her obsession with sonic is really just like a manifestation of that desire for closeness with someone, and she thinks that romance is the only way to get that. idk... this hedgehog can have so many abandonment issues.
#me posts#amy rose#sth#sonic the hedgehog#and this is not to say at all that romance is the only way to have 'real' love or anything#just that yknow part of her breaking free of that would also be realizing that she just wants closeness with someone and it doesnt-#-have to be romantic#aroace amy could fit this i suppose and she just doesnt know it yknow. thats not my hc but i support their beliefs if that makes sense#she wants to be loved and she wants to love and she doesnt really get a big outlet for that so she shares it with everyone she sees#also i didnt wanna jam up the post but GAMMA!! this is partially abt gamma she helps him find out how to love and how to find joy in it-#-bc its what she wants for herself. she sees him and sees how completely alone he is and she wants to help him. idk idk something something#-when she was locked in the cell she saw part of herself staring back at her#gamma parallels to amy is SLEPT ON i stg i could make a whole other post about it#idk.. whenever im writing amy or just thinking abt how shed interact with others its always from the lens that she craves closeness with-#-others. she wants people to just stay for once.#does this make any sense. idk man im rambling here#my worst nightmare is characterizing her wrong its such a fine line and sometimes the words do not come out of my brain right#btw this is NOT me dissing amy i love amy. she is like top three favorite character.#important context: im typing this with amy firefox theme rn ok. ok im an amy fan.#she points at the minimize button like shes telling me to log off#jesus christ i just scrolled back up i love to put a whole other post in the notes dont i
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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nostalgia being the thing you need to defeat in order to dispel the tears is soooo
#m#isat#like ohhhhh of course#it makes sm sense with yknow the kings whole deal but like. neat#and also the “nostalgie” sadnesses smelling sweet.like how memory and scent are often so closely tied together. fascinating#it may or may not have a connection to whatever “scent” is on siffrin that was mentioned but im not gonna WORRY about that right now 😁#im sure everything will be FINE#im on act 3 rn btw if anyone spoils anything for me ill explode all your teeth#i should look at the specific translations for all the sadnesses at some point and analyse the shit out of them#maybe after i finish the game🤔🤔
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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i think a lot of people don’t always realize the difference between “this is how i interpret canon” and “this is how i want to write it because that’s what’s fun to me”. a lot of times the latter is all headcanons or AUs are, not an indication of what the writer thinks “is” or “should be” canon
more power to those who are super tuned into actual canon and know these details like the back of their hand, but sometimes people just wanna use a series as a sandbox, not a ruleset. genuinely nothing but respect for people who ARE that knowledgeable, but i and a lot of other people are just here to have fun with characters we enjoy—and want to put them in more accessible settings
#this isn't meant to be grandstanding or anything i'm just thinking aloud. i know i've said stuff like this before it just hit me suddenly#thinking about those weird anons from a while back who were really getting on my case about this#and i could not wrap my head around what the problem was because it’s like. that’s why it’s an au?#why are you mad about details of an au not lining up with canon#that’s the whole point of it being. an au#like of course shadow would normally be able to visit certain places. of course he should already know omega.#but there is a deliberate reason why second chance shadow can't/doesn't#and now i realize it's probably because they were seeing my posts entirely out of context#but still don't go attacking people for out of context posts either??#i'm shocked no one's seriously gotten on my case about aruna's hive yet because it's a prime example of 'intentionally nowhere near canon'#and like overall just don't be a penders and you're fine#lord knows i've got plenty of 'characters who have strayed so far from canon they may as well be OCs' in my pocket#but i still acknowledge they're not by definition OCs yknow#sometimes you just wanna use a funny lil guy as groundwork and then do your own thing#sea talks
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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I don't think that differently about Kaiser now
#maybe because I initially disliked him after all😭 I've come around to liking him as an antagonist more than anything#he's always been like this & I think my shock with this chapter was more about how I didn't want to assume the worst of him#but then it comes out and that's how he is so it's more of a “oh okay this is how you think”. Which yeah. Of course#I'm actually excited to see how the kaiser/isagi rivarly gets resolved. I'm concerned about how it will affect ness#I don't want him to get ignored by the story itself yknow? 😭😭😭 but he did get a flashback so i doubt it. still.#I want to admit that I kinda expected too much from Kaiser given how he acts now idek why#someone else said “what if Kaiser saw himself in Ness when they first met” but it makes sense that#he would never want to think abt himself as someone who needs help or is as isolated or easy to take advantage of as Ness (in his pov)#even though he was at some point (and arguably still is. some of those things)#so yea i do like that they have insanely twisted views of each other it's very interesting to me#<- i think saph-yells-into-the-void said something similar to that last tag#anyways...... your favorite guy disappointed u? couldnt be me💅 my favorite guys r would never do that to me💅💅💅#<being insufferable is my favorite bit. sorry#bllk spoilers
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fits to spend ur turn sulking in:
i knew the MOMENT i heard that hermie was method acting as scary that that had to be the first thing i draw from the new episode. i got so excited
#i was not expecting this to be a full piece like this it was just gonna be all quicky and sketchy no lineart or anything#but yknow it is hermie so ofc i went all out#im a lil mad that i didnt get to be the first to post scary hermie art but thats okay#im sorry that i cant seem to make actual scary content w/o it somehow involving hermie#i gotta do a scary focused piece at some point#hermie the unworthy#hermie unworthy#hermie the unworthy fanart#dungeons and daddies#dndads#dndads fanart#dndads spoilers#dndads s2 spoilers#my art
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making the decision on who to back for Archon is...
ngl, it feels a little different now, from the way they perhaps intended when they were writing that quest
#squirrel plays datv#datv spoilers#oc: verbena mercar#i mean Ver backed Dorian regardless of my own biases in his favor#it was two for him one for mae and one abstaining; that's just numbers at that point#but he's also right; they've tried the slow and steady and morally unflappable and it failed spectacularly#so far only heretic and morally dubious upstarts; the inquisition and the veilguard; have gotten any sort of results in anything around#we've tried going high when they went low (nod to real life on that) and it landed us right here in the drink so...#yknow. idk maybe meeting them at their level IS the right call?#but good god him being archon is............. nerve-wrecking for so many other reasons#also at one point just now i had three quests in the cobbled swan so. that was nice lol#and neve was of zero help even because babygirl is apparently still wracked with doubts and stuff????#because we're ONE quest from the end of her storyline??????#girl come on at least YOU get dicked down on the reg; what's VER to say huh#yall are asking HER to decide all this and she hasn't even gotten her back blown out in probably months#the cheek the nerve the etc etc etc
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