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dashofmonsters · 11 months ago

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Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 4

merman x female reader

You stood there frozen for a minute trying to process the fact that Tao had indeed accidentally told your grandmother that the two of you were dating when that was just some misunderstanding.

"You told my crazy seventy three year old grandmother, who has been bothering me to get in a relationship since I moved in with her, that you're my boyfriend," you realize you sound a little hysterical when you say all that.

Tao nods his head slowly, "I uh, made an incorrect assumption."

Between your silly crush on him and this whole funny misunderstanding, your poor brain and heart are having a track day trying to run in the right direction together.

"How am I going to tell her that you didn't get what she was asking you," you mutter as you start to nervously calculate the conversation you'll have with her.

Tao clears his throat then and looks away from you, "Maybe don't say anything?"

"Huh?" you look up at him and he's blushing.

"I uh... I mean she doesn't have to know. You said it yourself, she's stressing you out constantly to find a mate so just let her believe it until you do find someone," Tao shrugs and tries to look back at you but his nerves don't let him.

It sounds like the best worst idea you've ever heard but it sounds like the only way you'd get some peace at home. Tao has always been an advocate for peace and everything being just right. But fake dating seems almost too good to be true.

"What's the catch," you cross your arms waiting for the punch to the gut.

Tao blinks and looks down at you confused, "There is no catch or payment on your end. I am offering this fake relationship to make up for the misunderstanding as well as offering you some peace."

"Oh..." you fiddle with your fingers. "Well thank you. I guess we could give it a shot if that's really something you're ok with."

"Yes it is," he nods. "I do not mind helping a shoa- I mean friend."

Your brows shoot up, "What were you about to say?"

Tao is silent.

"Come on, you can tell me," you smile.

"It's nothing," he glares at you.

"I won't be weird about it," you plead.

Tao looks around to make sure the coast is clear and looks back at you and rolls his eyes, "Let me finish shopping and I will tell you. This is not the place."

You give him a little pout but agree. Tao has been all about "there's a time and a place for everything". You can respect that but you're still going to be a little antsy till he tells you what he was going to say.

Tao is quick with his shopping and even buys you a snack since you ran out before having breakfast. He escorts you away from the shopping center and he has you following him while you eat. You notice he looks a little less nervous and that he's walking very close to you.

"I apologize if what I'm about to say may seem strange or even odd given our differences," Tao starts. "You are my only friend and because of that I have become unusually protective. After the event where you were almost attacked by the shark I realize that you are all I have and because of that some part of me has decided you are a part of my shoal."

You're at a loss for words then. Tao had told you the importance of a shoal a few times here and there but you never thought you'd be that important to him. A shoal is a mix of friends and families. He has neither over here so for him to consider you a part of his two person strong shoal felt well, a bit overwhelming but amazing.

"You're not saying anything," he notes a the both of you keep walking along.

You give him a nervous laugh, "Sorry, I promised I wouldn't make this weird. The squishy sentimental part of me just wants to give you a big ol hug while the respectful part of me is just going to be awkwardly quiet while smiling like a goofball."

Tao smiles at you then seeming relieved, "But you're always smiling like a goofball."

"Yeah well I'm only like that around you," you say then realize what just came out of your mouth. "Because you know I feel ok to be happy around you and I'm not stressed or having to worry about stupid shit and I just haven't had actual friends aside from you or Jessica so I'm just you know happy."

You want to slap yourself in the face for just admitting all that via word vomit even if it was all the truth. You feel incredibly safe with Tao even though you've only known him for a few months. This gradual build up from strangers to friends to now shoal buddies has you wanting to smile all the time.

"I think I can understand that. I have just been surviving and trying to make a living while working here. I never thought I'd have any sort of life here until I met you. I am beginning to have hope for the first time in a long time that things will be alright," Tao pauses in the middle of the sidewalk and looks around.

He takes a deep breath in as the light cool wind combs through his hair. He looks content and the harsh lines on his face seem just a tad softer. The fins on his arms that he used to hide are out and have that leathery sheen to them in the late autumn sun. Tao closes his eyes before he looks back down at you, the whites having turned black again.

There's a long stretch of silence as the both of you just look at each other. It doesn't feel as weird or uncomfortable as it should, it's just nice. The nice peaceful moment doesn't last of course and is interrupted by a small group of teens on their longboards.

Tao clears his throat and looks away, "Would you like to uh have lunch with me?"

"Absolutely," you grin, like a goofball.

~~~~~~~~~

Tao takes you to his small rental for lunch. It's a beach house with a large saltwater tank underneath it. There's several runes that help reinforce the structure and blackout tinting on the tank to provide some privacy. You're a little giddy that you finally get to see Tao's place but you do your best to keep it to yourself.

"It's not much, I hardly spent anything on decorating. My old shoal was very minimalistic. The kitchen however, I may have over done it just a bit. I think I got a bit enthusiastic once I arrived here," he warns you as he unlocks the door and shuffles inside.

The first room is a bare bones living room with a long table next to the door and hooks holding different bags and large hoodies. You see a large hatch in the middle of the floor that you guess goes to the tank with a bench to the side that has a stack of neatly folded towels. The room pretty much screams Tao until you see the bar separating this room and the kitchen.

The bar has several kitchen appliances lined up. You see a huge cutting board and a knife set next to an open cupboard with the most impressive spice rack you've ever seen. He has copper pots and pans hanging above the kitchen in a gorgeous display.

"Tao my friend, enthusiastic is an understatement. Dude you went overboard into obsession. A lot of what I can see if restaurant quality here... Is that a le Creuset dutch oven," you make a beeline to his kitchen and carefully get an up close look at his cookware.

"It's a Staub but they're basically the same thing," Tao says as he starts taking the groceries out and putting them away.

You can't help but to stare as you get a better look at his appliance line up. He's got everything from a stand mixer with all the attachments to a steam basket and food processor.

"I can't believe you have all of this. It must have cost an arm and a leg," you look over at Tao who's leaning against his pantry watching you.

You feel your cheeks warm up a tad under his watch.

"I wouldn't say it cost that much, but I never paid full price. There was always a sale or someone got a gift that they didn't want," he shrugs.

"So you were enthusiastically frugal," you raise a brow. "How come I'm not surprised?"

Tao chuckles, "Is my kitchen really this impressive to you?"

"Dude had I known you had all this here, I'd be begging to come here as often as possible just to get some practice in. I'm pretty much broke between bills, paying my grandmother rent, and what little niceties I can afford myself," you shrug while staring lovingly at his knives.

You hear Tao pull some things from the fridge, "Well then, I guess I don't have to ask if you want to help me with lunch then."

"Oh? What are we making then," you ask.

Tao smiles and grabs and apron, "Anything you want."

~~~~~~~~~

You can't remember the last time you had as much fun as you did then cooking with Tao. The first time at your grandmother's house was nice and all, but at Tao's you felt really free. Once you agreed on a recipe neither of you spoke, but you didn't need to. There were no words but a sweet symphony of chopping and sautéing, stirring and blending.

Even as you two made a mess thanks to the blender's top being off, there was still a wonderful peace between you two. You also got an added bonus of Tao having to take his shirt off halfway through since the blender sloshed sauce on it. Seeing Tao topless in an apron should not have been as hot as it was you told yourself.

After an amazing lunch and cleaning up, Tao showed you the rest of his house. The "nest" room was just that. A master bedroom with the bottom covered in mattresses and piled with comforters, blankets, and pillows. The windows were covered by blackout curtains and the only lights were dim crystals in the corners of the room. It was the least Tao looking room he had.

Once the grand tour was over Tao decided to walk you home. Everything was fine until your grandmother walked out and clapped her hands together and smiled. She started fussing about you running out of the house and not saying anything but everything is fine since you're with Tao and not causing trouble like your mother.

Tao stood a bit closer to you then and glared daggers at your grandmother as she tried to invite him in but he declined saying he has a few things to take care of before he comes back to take you to work.

That made your grandmother grin while you reeled a bit in confusion. Tao never mentioned he'd walk you to work before.

But true to his word he came back just as you were about to leave.

"You don't have to walk me to work ya know," you say.

"I know, but doing this will make our fake relationship a bit more believable won't it," he asks. "And aside from that... I think I need practice."

"Practice? What for," you ask, adjusting your backpack.

"For courting," he admits.

You can't help but to laugh, "You want to practice dating while fake dating me?"

Tao groans, "If it's not too much. There might be a chance that my fated mate is human. I have no idea how to properly court a human and you're the only human I know."

"I might be a piss poor example if I'm being honest. I've dated once and that was enough for me. Dude literally told me I'd be a lot prettier if I didn't talk so much," you seethe at the memory of your first and last boyfriend.

"You seem to have horrible luck with human males," Tao notes.

"You have no idea buddy, which is why I swore off of them and any other guys for that matter. People like me are probably better off alone," you sigh. It was something you always told yourself in your head and it feels strange to finally say it.

"Are you saying you have given up on finding a mate," Tao looks to you and there's an look of sadness in his eyes.

"I've given up a long time ago. Love is lost on people like me Tao. No one has ever tried to get to know me aside from you and Jessica. My own family acts like they know me and worse, they act like they care. I'm just the daughter of some fuck up. I'm always judged based off of where I work, who my family is, and what I do on my time off. It's fucking infuriating but that's my lot in life," you shrug and flap your arms out, readjusting your bag.

Tao is quiet then, he doesn't say anything else for the rest of the walk to work but he does surprise you by taking your hand. He holds it and keeps you close. You hate how much you're enjoying this because you know it's not real, you know that you're using each other in the nicest way possible and it hurts.

When you finally get to work you give Tao's hand a squeeze before you let go, however he doesn't.

"When do you get off work," he asks.

"I work a late shift Tao, I probably won't be out of here till midnight, eleven if I'm lucky. I can walk myself home, it's fine," you smile.

"If this was a real relationship would you want me to walk you home," he asks.

Your brain goes blank for a moment since you haven't a clue.

"I mean most girls would probably say yes so we shou-"

"I'm not asking what anyone else would want," Tao towers over you, his eyes shining in the setting sun. "I asked if you would want it. If you'd want me to walk you home."

You feel your cheeks heat up and you're pretty sure you stopped breathing for a moment or two. You nod your head and Tao sighs.

He moves his hand from yours and tips your head back by your chin, "Use your words."

"Yes," is all you can manage.

Tao smiles, "I'll be here at eleven then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What in the fresh fuck was going on between you and tall, dark and handsome," Jessica stops you the second you enter the diner.

You roll your eyes and inhale sharply, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you and even if you did, I don't think I'd hear the end of it from you."

Jessica begs and pleads for the next hour. With the diner pretty much dead aside from the usual late night regulars she ends up wearing you do pretty fast.

"Fine fine, he and are fake dating," you whisper to her.

"No," Jes smiles and clutches her chest.

"It's his fault really. My grandmother asked if he was my boyfriend and-"

"Let me guess, he probably assumed that since he's a male and your friend that that was that? Typical other realmers," Jes rolls her eyes.

"Yes and well, when I told him that I'd have to come clean he said I shouldn't and then one thing turns into another and now he wants to practice dating," you groan.

"While fake dating," Jes cocks a brow and takes out a piece of gum.

You scrub your face with your hand and nod.

"Oh girl, you going to be alright," she asks, actually concerned now.

"Maybe," you sigh. "I don't know."

Jessica pops the gum in her mouth and hums, "Just try not to think too hard on it. And, if you think it's too much make the right choice. Don't hurt yourself ok?"

You nod and feel a heaviness in your heart you've never felt before.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Your shift ends at eleven thanks to the diner being near empty. You change pretty quickly since Tao is supposed to walk you home and you don't want to make him wait.

As you step outside you see Jes poking at Tao who looks nervous with his hands held up high. His eyes meet yours and you practically hear him begging for help.

"Alright alright, Jes I'll take it from here. Go home and terrorize your mate," you shoo your friend away and she gives Tao a mean mugging glare.

"I've got my eyes on you boy, you hurt her and my mate and I will rain down absolute hell on ya," Jes points to him before stomping off, but you see her smiling.

You turn to Tao and he gives you an awkward smile.

"Care to tell me what all that was about," you raise a brow.

"Your friend had a few things to say to me about our current... how did she put it? Ah yes, situatationship," Tao nods.

You slap yourself in the face and hard.

"Please tell me Jessica didn't teach you that word. Oh gods this is a lot," you groan.

"But is it not correct? We are not in an established relationship with each other and I am practicing courting and romancing a human which is you. Is there not a better a term for what we are in," he asks, very matter of factly.

"I guess not," you mumble. "Just don't go around telling people that. Some older folks don't quite get it and it'll just hurt their brains. Did Jes tell you anything else?"

Tao looks up and nods before walking up closer to you. His eyes are bright as they look you up and down, "She told me to walk you home every time you have a late shift, to enjoy your company as much as possible and that you... you need to stay away from your grandmother as much as possible."

You notice Tao's pause before he mentions your grandmother but you don't feel like prying. This whole situatationship thing with him is enough of a heartache headache that you don't want to think too much on.

"Ok then," you give him a tired smile.

Tao takes your hand then and gently pulls you along. You feel yourself dragging your feet and looking down more than looking up. Your heart still hurts and you chastise yourself for getting caught up in these feelings too fast too soon.

"Are you tired," Tao asks, pulling you away from the side walk and down to a bench.

You sit and then slump, "Physically awake, emotionally exhausted."

Tao looks around then and nods before scooping you up. You squeal when he bolts towards the beach but makes a beeline for the cliffs. The cliffs are usually off limits unless there are guides or security and Tao knows this. You look up at him confused but he's focused like a man on a mission.

The closer he gets the more you notice the speckles of light dancing atop the cliffs. Tao leaps off the rocks, jumping from one large boulder to another as he quickly climbs to the top.

You gasp when you see the beautiful sight before you. A large gathering of pixies dancing midair in a circle. A few of them spot you and Tao and quickly fly towards you both laughing. One of them sprinkles something atop of Tao's head and a crown of grey and blue flowers plops down on him. You laugh until one sprinkles you and a crown of shells and crystals appears on yours.

"Not good enough, no not yet," one of the pixies hovers next to you and slaps Tao's arm. "Put her down, I've much to do!"

Tao sets you down and you give him a nervous look as the pixies practically swarm you. You're pretty much assaulted by spells as they circle you and you feel your clothes shift and change and before you know it you're wearing a dress right out of a fairytale.

You do a quick twirl and admire the dress the pixies conjured. It's the same color as Tao's mer-half. A dark grey accented with white and black lace and frills. The chains are silver and there's a faint blue glow from the crystals you wear.

"Tao what is this," you turn to him and feel your breath being knocked right out of you.

The pixies finish their spell work on him and he's dressed like some feral rogue from a fantasy novel. His hair is messy and his fins and stripes are on full display. There's a much wilder edge to him than usual.

His eyes meet yours as he walks towards you. He holds out his hand and you take it.

"It's a month long celebration the pixies have right before winter hits. Their leader asked me if they could have this area at night while the humans are away. I agreed. Their festivities have been delayed due to the storm so they have just begun," he explains.

"And the outfits," you twirl your skirt as you ask.

Tao chuckles, "Their way of inviting us to the revelry. Do you dance?"

"Do you," you ask, shocked about what might be happening here.

"All fair folk dance, it is like breathing to us. Doesn't matter if we are of land or sea. Do you dance," he asks again as he walks you closer to the circle of pixies.

"Not really. I've never danced or have been to a revel before," you give him a nervous grin.

"Than it will be my honor to be your first dance partner," Tao nods his head before pulling you into the circle of pixies.

The pixies immediately break into song. You can't see the instruments but you hear them. Tao spins you in his arms under the dazzling pixie lights to the beat of a drum you can't see. Little by little you let yourself go and just feel. You follow Tao's steps as he spins you again and again. You're nearly dizzy when he scoops you up and runs towards the edge of the cliff. You gulp in air and feel a scream coming on when he jumps.

But you don't hit the water, not yet anyways. You're floating down with the pixies around you and Tao before the gently plop you both in the water. The pixies splash in and out around you and you giggle until you feel something rubbery beneath you.

You go stock still in fear.

"What's wrong," Tao shakes you and realizes you're shivering and shaking.

"Sh- I... there's a shark. I just felt it," you whimper.

Tao opens his mouth and looks around then back at you, "That is no shark."

"But I felt it Tao. It has-"

"That was my tail you kicked," he laughs and swims you both closer to the pixies. He lifts part of his massive tail out of the water and you gasp. It was the first time you've been up close with Tao in his true form. You've seen him from a distance a few times but it didn't do him justice.

"My birth shoal's mer are very shark-like I suppose. There are many different shark-like mers just as there are sharks. I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable," Tao looks at his tail and then to you.

"No no no! That's got nothing to do with this! I really thought there was a shark and after the last shark attack... I have a teeny tiny phobia of them. We're good though," you stammer and then playfully punt his tail.

"So you're not scared of me," he gives you a nervous smile as he rolls over.

"Of you? Never! You're stuck with me dude. Well at least until you find your mate," you poke at him and try to swim away.

Tao suddenly disappears under the waves though and away from the pixie lights. You don't feel him nearby and your heart leaps when you feel something tickle the bottom of your feet. You attempt to kick away only to feel yourself being dragged under water suddenly.

You flail about for a moment then feel something soft brush against your neck. It's soft and tickles and then you can breathe.

"Open your eyes," you hear Tao say.

You take a peek and notice that your eye doesn't sting from the salt water. Slowly opening your eyes you see a gorgeous underwater world that's been so close to you but so out of reach.

Tao takes your hand again and leads you around. The pixies dive in and trade their little wings for tiny fins and tails. They swim alongside the both of you lighting the dark ocean. Your eyes continue to adjust and you see the strips on Tao glowing a dim blue like the crystals you're wearing. A lovely stripped pattern appears on his tail and it leaves a small trail of light behind him.

You all swim around for what feels like hours before resurfacing near the beach. Tao transforms back to his more human form and scoops you up and walk you back to the beach. You're both sopping wet and the clothes the pixies conjured feel heavy now. You giggle when he sets you down on the beach chair with a shlop and the both of you break out laughing.

"I don't think I've ever had that much fun in one night! Also, don't ever jump off of a cliff while carrying me and not saying anything. That scared the shit out of me," you huff but smile.

"Apologies, I was caught up in the revelry. I'll remember to tell you when I plan to plunge us into the dark unforgiving waters of the Pacific next time," Tao laughs.

You roll your eyes and stretch out. A comfortable silence falls between the both of you as you watch the pixies dance atop the waves, slowly ending the revelry for tonight.

"I don't think I've ever had this much fun either. I can't even recall a time when I had fun with my birth shoal. I was always on the outside of everything. Can I tell you something," he turns to you with the shyest smile.

"Of course you can," you say.

"That was also the first time I've danced," he admits.

You place a hand above your heart, "And you had your first dance with me, what an honor."

Tao chuckles and rolls his eyes, "It could be that you are not meant for human males, but for someone from the realm I hale from. You have the spirit like the fair folk much like Jessica does. That might be why your luck with romance has been terrible."

"You sound very sure of that," you grimace. The thought of an actual relationship, no the thought of being a fated mate to someone of the other realm scared you a bit.

"The pixies took to you so quickly I was a bit stunned. They're usually cautious around humans. I believe you're fated for someone of my home realm," he gives you a smile that nearly has your heart melting.

"If you say so," you hold yourself tightly and look away from him.

You hear him walk towards you and crouch down, "You are meant for love my friend. No one has been worth the love you're too afraid to show. You are kind beyond what most deserve and hide yourself behind the shadows of your past. I hope someday that love finds you and can help you heal the scars in your heart."

"Tao, you keep saying really nice things like that then I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep having to raise my standards and hope my mate can meet them," you giggle as you try not to cry.

The pretty and hopeful words he speaks to you feel so nice but they hurt so bad too. You hate that you're crushing on him. You hate the you know you're slowly moving from just a crush into something more. You won't tell him though, you'll take all these feelings to the grave with you.

"I will also have high standards for a mate because of you. Fated or not, I hope she will be as joyful as you are," Tao admits as he looks back to the ocean.

There are hardly any pixies left save for a small handful whose light keep switching from sea green to a sunset pink.

"I should walk you home, it is late and I fear we will both be very exhausted come morning," he pushes up and scoops you into his arms in one quick movement.

The walk home was more of Tao jogging at top speed. The streets are quiet save for the occasional night driver and ride shares dropping people off from a bar. Tao slows down just a little as he gets closer to your neighborhood.

You grab for your backpack and suddenly realize it's not there.

"Tao my bag!" you gasp.

He quickly sets you down and realizes it's gone before he pats at the air behind you and it reappears.

"Simple concealment spell. Your bag was with you just following alongside you in a less apparent realm," he nods and takes your hand.

You're close to home and sort of just trudge the rest of the way there hand in hand. Tao walks you up the steps and as you fish out your keys he takes you by the chin and kisses you.

Not on the forehead.

Not on the cheek.

But a full deep passionate kiss on the lips. He kisses you once, twice, and a third time before he stands straight, the whites of his eyes black and a couple of light blue stripes appear on his cheeks.

He brushes your cheek with his thumb, "Goodnight."

You nod and he kisses your cheek this time before he parts.

"Until tomorrow," he nods and walks away into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tao:

I did as Jessica told me to and kissed her goodnight. I did not think I would like it as much as I did. If I am being honest with myself, I was afraid I would not be able to stop kissing her.

Everything I have done tonight with her will be with me forever, even after we find our mates...

A terrible acidic taste stings my mouth and I feel sick just thinking about her being with someone. It is wrong to feel such a way I scold myself. She is dear to me and I wish her nothing but happiness.

But would it be wrong to think that she could be happy with me?

Something heavy settles into my very being and I feel myself slowing as I get closer to the house I rent.

Little by little images play in my head of what sort of life I could have with a mate like her. But the more vivid they become the more of her I see.

It feels wrong and selfish of me to want her more than I already do. I told her she is meant for someone from my home realm and maybe somewhere deep down inside me I might be wishing that someone is me.

I grasp at one of the pillars holding up my home and I grind my teeth. Every bit of me wants to keep her close, keep her safe. She is my shoal and I hers. My only friend.

I can't hurt her, but I fear I might have begun to in ways that are irreversible now.

Jessica had warned me that my dear friend might have some sort of feelings for me and that I should not get too close. I fear I cannot stop myself from wanting to be closer to her. I want to know how she feels, what she thinks, I want her but I can't.

She is not for someone like me.

She is bright and speaks her mind. She deserves love and happiness that someone like I could not give her.

I am horrible company, too quiet and reserved. I haven't a clue why she speaks to me only that I could hear her talk for hours. I will never admit that to her though.

I feel a sad sort of happiness in my heart. A quiet yearning for someone I cannot have. I clasp my hand over my heart and take a deep breath.

I will allow myself to feel this before I plunge any desire for her deep into the darkest parts of my soul.

The wind picks up and a light sensation crosses my lips and I remember the kiss.

That heaviness nestles further and further and I fear that if I do not center myself soon I might not be able to get her out of my mind tonight.

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vase-of-lilies · 1 year ago

Text

Efforts to Make Amends

❀ Tfatws!Bucky x Mom!reader (f)

❀ Non-con and rape (DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT LIKE IT), past abuse, past parental abuse, mentions of captivity, fluff, childbirth, some suicidal ideation (but no actions), taking of virginity, some after sex bleeding, talking badly about a baby, pregnancy, dad bucky 🥺 (if there is anything else, PLEASE let me know!)

❀ Word Count: 6.3k

❀ A/N: This came to mind when I was just thinking about Buck:) I don’t know if this is already a concept, but if it is here is my take on it! :D

The cry of the newborn baby sent shivers down your spine. Not a scared shiver, or a nervous shiver. Just a shiver. You are her mother now, and you can not let this baby down. You won’t let this baby down. As the nurse gently handed the bundle of joy over to you in a pink blanket, you laid eyes on the most beautiful little thing in the world. With her eyes barely open to see, her blue eyes stared back into your own.

Tears filled your eyes as you held her to your chest, her babbles slowly dying down to soft breaths. You smiled down at the tiny human in your arms, clutching onto your finger softly. You heard the heart monitor go off, and you immediately held your daughter tighter in your arms. Not wanting to let her go, not for one second. Your OB/GYN entered the room, smiling brightly with the paperwork of your brand new baby.

“All is well with your little girl. I’ll let you decide on a name and we can fill out this boring stuff.” She chuckles and sits next to you on the bed.

“Oh, I really like this one.” She hums softly at the baby names in question. She points to the fourth one on the list that you made on a piece of paper. “Clarisse” is the name she chose. It was your mother's name. Bright, shining, gentle, and brave. She was your advocate through the years you were held captive by your own father.

Of course the circumstances of how this child came into this world is not how you imagined it, you are still eternally grateful to have her in your life.

It was at this moment you knew all too well what you had to do. You had to start brand new; New name, address, hair color. Everything you can to stay away from the life you were forced into as a child. Going by the name Carla, you set off out of the police station with your new ID, and a new life ahead of you. You couldn’t hold back the smile that had formed on your face by the time you made it to the bus stop.

Paying the bus driver, you sat down on the bench by the window. Carefully holding your newborn baby to your chest, you stare out the window at the passing cars, buildings, and people. All making their way home from work or even to work. Even the people who call themselves “superheroes” have a home to go to, don’t they? No matter where you go, you know you have to provide what's best for this baby. The police were some help, getting you your ID, colored contacts as well as a wig and a new passport. But it was a long, aggravating process. With every woman looking at your baby with prying eyes, getting ready to let their lips loose in the daily office gossip session.

Finally, it was time to leave. It was time to leave the life you were previously living, and set off on a new adventure with a new companion.

~~~~~~~

Arriving at the airport, you follow the directions to buy a ticket to Spain. With what little Spanish you knew was not the problem at this point. It was getting away from a crime populated city such as New York. The culture, the people, and the ocean around the country felt like the safest option.

“ID, ma’am.” You heard the woman at the desk say. Pulling out your ID, you make sure it is your new one. This has a special hidden key trustworthy people can scan that tells them you are a witness in protection. They are very caring with you, and question nothing if you hesitate with your new name. “Carla Davenport. Date of birth November eighteenth.” Fuck! What's the year?? “Year?” The woman asks. “U-uhm, 2001...” You almost say it as a question, but the woman smiles and hands you back your ID.

“Enjoy Spain!” She says from the desk, and onto security you go.

~~~~~~~

The plane ride was long, and agonizing with how anxious you were. But Clarisse easily soothed your nerves. The looks people gave you were noticeable, and the last few people to board on the plane seemed reluctant to sit next to you. A newborn on a plane is someone's worst nightmare. But Clarisse was a sleepy girl, and slept a majority of the flight. The moments she did start to cry, you knew she either had to be changed, or was hungry. Once you went to the bathroom, you sat on the toilet and began to breastfeed your little girl.

The mirror that was across from you, a woman you barely recognized stared back. False black-dyed locks fell around an exhausted, hurt, and abused mother. There wasn’t much that stared back. You peeled your eyes away from the mirror, and pinned them back on your little girl. Clarisse was enjoying her milk, and was soon going to fall into a milk coma. You just knew it.

Sighing as you sit back down, you look back out the window. The night sky was absolutely beautiful at this time, and you loved what it looked like. Even though Clarisse was asleep, you still pointed out the lights along the coast that shaped the continent of Africa, and soon to the lights that covered Madrid. Your new home town.

As the plane landed, you stopped at the gift shop to get a Spanish-to-English dictionary to start learning. Also stopping at a small convenience store in the airport, you exchanged all of your US dollars to Euros and bought some diapers and a diaper bag as well. It was the small things that the program didn’t provide that seemed to be the biggest issues for you. But you were grateful for the small apartment they found, and even more grateful that they provided rent for the first year of living there.

Getting a job will be difficult, but you knew that you would figure it out somehow. With how populated the world is, there is bound to be an English speaking job for you out there. But that was the least of your worries right now. What you needed the most was food, sleep, and a warm blanket for you and Clarisse. All that you needed for a couple nights was already at the apartment, and you were eternally grateful.

Finally getting to the small one bedroom apartment, you immediately lock the door behind you, and set off to the small bedroom. There is a mattress on the floor as well as a few blankets and a pillow, but other than that nothing much else. It was simple, and you liked it. Just for you and your little girl. You smiled as you saw the view out the window. The beautiful city lights shone through the fire escape balcony, giving a soft glow in the bedroom. It felt safe.

Getting out a diaper and some wipes, you begin to change Clarisse. “I know sweet girl, it’s been a long day.” You whisper, giving soft kisses to her face as she babbles into the open air. “Are you gonna sleep well tonight? Hm? Or are you gonna keep me up?” You chuckle at the small girl in front of you, and you softly tickle her sides. Her incoherent giggles are music to your ears, and it is nothing like you have ever heard before. “You are so beautiful my little flower.” You smile, nuzzling your nose against hers softly.

After getting Clarisse all settled, you decided to move the mattress just under the window to get the perfect view of the night sky. You lay your head on the pillow, a feeling you haven’t felt in a very long time. Your little girl snuggled right up next to you, and stared up at the sky as well. You knew she would grow up to be the best little girl there is, and there is no doubt about that.

~~~~~~~

Sweat covered your forehead as you ran through the cold Russian woods. Barely escaping the Hydra base with your ankles not broken. You kept running until you knew you were far enough away to take a breath. But oh... were you wrong. The Winter Soldier was right behind you, every step of the way. It almost felt like he was in the trees, stalking your every move just like your father had conditioned him to.

The man was silent as he looked for you, but the silence screamed death. You were terrified, and rightfully so. Even trying to hold your breath so no one could see it, including you, was one of the only options to stay hidden. Besides trying to hide within the trees, and snow on the ground. It was hopeless. You could already hear the crunching of the snow underneath the heavy combat boots of the Winter Soldier coming your way.

This was it, you were going to die. You never knew why your father kept you in the base, but he would not be disappointed to hear that you were gone for good. Maybe it was for the best. No one would have to worry about keeping you silent, or contained. With the secrets you know, you could uncover the world's most dangerous criminals, documents, and codes to plenty of nuclear energy. But you swore to your mother you would never tell a soul. She loved her husband and her daughter equally, but her caring nature made her keep the world she lived in safe.

You were in your thoughts for too long. ‘Fuck-’ you suck in a breath, not moving an inch as you feel the cold blade barely cut into your neck. “Please...” you couldn’t believe you were begging for mercy, but you were strong. You had to stay alive; for your mother. “Cooperate and I won’t kill you...” the soldier said in a dark voice. You didn’t understand why he wasn’t going to kill you.

Instead of questioning him, you gave a small nod. “Good girl.” He whispered in your ear, sending chills down your spine. Soon the cold spread from your arms all the way down to your most intimate parts. He had sliced away at your thin hospital-like gown, and stripped you bare. You couldn’t do anything with a knife to your neck so you stayed still. “Please d-don’t, I-I’ll go back wi-with you, just p-please!” You quietly beg him, but he has already stripped himself of his own tactical pants.

He ignored your pleas, commanding you “Be a good girl and lay on your back...” A whimper left your throat and you froze. “N-no.” You stated, calmly. Instant regret filled your veins as he swiped his foot underneath yours and you fell to the ground. Your head hit a root sticking out from the ground and your vision was rendered blurry. “P-please...” Your attempt of a small plea exited your mouth, but you gave up.

His veiny, god-like sculpted cock filled your cunt to the brim. You tried to scream, but nothing would come out. He started to thrust, and thrust, and thrust. It felt like it never ended. His blue eyes stared into your dull y/e/c eyes with no emotion or mercy. He was told to do this to you, and it traumatized you. With no luck, you tried to push him away but he was quick to pin your hands above your head with his strong arms. One metal, one flesh.

“It's ok... just take it...” Was he trying to comfort you?

“I- I can’t...”

“You will.” That was the very last thing before you were left in darkness, unconscious and barely alive.

~~~~~~~

Clarisse lets out a small cry, waking you up instantly. “Hey sweet pea, shh shh mommas got you.” You whisper to her, gently rocking her in your arms. You didn’t know what time it was, but you knew for sure you only slept a wink. You stayed up the rest of the night, helping her to sleep, feeding her every now and then, and getting only some sleep yourself. You were more than happy to stay awake for her, and that was a sacrifice you were willing to take.

Once the sun started to come up, you yawned and decided to see what snacks you had brought from the airport. Some ChexMix and an apple was enough until you gathered enough courage to go grocery shopping. It had to be about 9:00 once Clarisse started to wake up. Swaying her as she drank from your breast, you hummed her a soft song and smiled from above her. As she drank, you began to grab what money you had, Charisse's baby bag and a face mask just in case someone did end up recognizing you. It would be lethal to have anyone from Hydra even know you exist.

~~~~~~~

Bucky POV:

Of course I regret everything. I have to live with what I have done every day of my life, and deep down I know that I can’t blame myself for my actions. It’s not something to get used to. Some would say that I have gotten used to hearing the last breath come from someone's gurgling throat. Some would say that “he likes to watch them die.” But in truth, nothing is worse than seeing someone's life drain from their eyes just like a painting being washed away; the paint clinging to life to stay on the canvas but the water just too damn strong.

A victim I remember very clearly, said whilst looking through the barrel of my gun “Fools make romance of death, for it is brutal and cruel. That I say be at peace with my passing is not such a thing. But once it is done, I will be safe and sound once more. I will live as long as I can, be with you as many days as we are sent, then keep me in your memories. I will see you again. That is a promise.” He was right, I would see him again. Not in heaven, or hell where I belong. But in my nightmares every single night. Therapy can only do so much for a broken, lost and helpless soldier. Let alone a 106 year old one.

However, I was slowly making amends with the people who were fortunately left alive. Yori Nakasima, the sweet old man I have lunch with every Tuesday is just an example. He was not a victim, but his son was. He was caught at the wrong place at the wrong time, and in turn he fell straight to the line of fire. My line of fire. No matter how much I try, I can never expel the begging that came from his mouth. He was innocent and had absolutely nothing to do with that mission. Simply… a loose knot that had to be tied tight. Yori and I went our own ways, and it makes me happy to see him still go to the same restaurant every Tuesday. He may not remember our conversation, but rest assured he can sleep knowing what happened to his son.

One more name.

One more name and I can throw this damned book away.

Y/n Y/L/n.

Y/n has been on this list for four to eight months now. Her name staring back at me with anger and regret. God why did her own father make me do this? Thoughts were racing through my head as I searched for Y/n, but nothing came up besides death certificates. She can’t be dead. She has to be alive, I know that she got out of there alive… Going deep into police, military and FBI/CIA records, along with the witness protection program as a sergeant, I was able to find someone by the name of Carla Davenport. I obviously knew this was wrong, and I was mostly doing this for myself. But there was one part of me that wanted to tell her that she is safe, and that she could finally rest with her guard down.

Doing further research, I finally came across an address. I lucked out by being in Madrid at the time with Zemo and Sam while I did my research. All I had left was to confront her and tell her my intentions. Knowing Y/n, she would be feisty, careful but most likely fearless. I know her, and she would fight with every last cell of energy in her body to win. I slightly jump as I hear my phone buzz and I answer Sam.

“Hey Sam.” I said, jotting down Y/n’s new address. I heard a sigh on the other line, and I knew I was in for something.

“I got a call from a CIA agent who found a breach in the witness protection program. Was that you?” Sam replies.

“Uh, why would you think it would be me? I have no reason to be on that site in the first place.” Seriously? What kind of answer was that?? “Dr. Raynor told me you needed to find some people… Buck come on man, we could have done this together.”

“Whatever happened to patient privacy? I found what I needed, so can I log out and be on my way?”

“Listen, I know you’re hurting. Especially over Y/n. I'll help you find her, but can we please do it the legal way?” He sounded convincing enough that he actually wanted to help, but I knew that it was just a ploy. Or, maybe that was my irrational thoughts talking for me.

“I’ve gotta do this on my own. She is the last one before I can finally go out and live how I want to. She will determine if I deserve to be free.” There was silence for a short period of time, and then another soft sigh from the man on the other line.

“Alright, fine. But if I get one more phone call telling me you did something illegal, you’re kicked off my team for charades, and you are going to talk with Dr. Raynor. Do you understand?”

I chuckled at his threat, and I nodded to myself. “Yeah, Sam. I understand. I wouldn’t want to bother Captain America with calls from random CIA agents about the site of witnesses in protection. This is honestly something Raynor should have let me do. She was the one who told me to “use your resources'' where there was nothing else to use. Anyway, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow Buck. Have a good night.”

Hanging up the phone, I sigh and I finish writing down the information from the website. Now that I knew where she lived, it would then be the hard part of everything. Telling her what I did, and apologizing for it.

~~~~~~~

Your POV:

It had now been three full weeks of living in Madrid and you were living your best life! You had a desk job dealing with English complaints for a website that was fully in Spanish, and your little girl could be with you all day long. Being able to earn a stable living was nice in such a large and new country. Also with your new way of life, you were not living off of ramen and buttered toast. You were able to make full meals with fresh ingredients from the finest vendors just down the street from your apartment. Steamed vegetables, freshly cooked meat that only needed a little bit of heating in the oven and your own seasonings and finally the glorious, melt-in-your-mouth Churros con Chocolate was what you were blessed with for dessert. It was heaven, and you were living in it with such happiness.

Clarisse is now one month old, and has been a little more aware of what she can do with her body. Even at this young age, she knows who you are and who you are to her. Soon she’ll be running around on two healthy legs with energy skyrocketing every second. Watching her grow up is the highlight of your life, and you never wanted it to end. Her eyes would scan each room you went through, each aisle you walked down, and even grabbed up at you from your arms as you made your way down to the baby section. Clothes, shoes, food. Clothes, shoes, food. All you needed was those three things, and you would be on your way.

It was a relief that you had not encountered a challenge by anyone. Not when little Clarisse cried for a little bit, and not even when the panic set in at the sound of the bustling cars outside the store. It was a success, and you could not wait to get home. Checking out with ease, you held Clarisse close to you as you took your groceries in the small basket on the back of your bike, and strapped the little girl into her car seat carrier on the front of your bike. “All safe and sound, my sweet girl,” You whisper, gently putting her blanket over her. On the way back to your apartment, you followed the same route to and from. Two lefts, a right, up the hill and to the left. It was almost a song you replayed over and over in your head, just to help you get home. Just like your mother taught you;

Down the hall and to the left, a little bit longer, up the stairs and in my arms you go! This song was to navigate the hallways of the large house your father had bought your family before he decided to keep you as his own lab rat.

Once you made it into the safe walls of your home, the lock was the first thing in place after putting your bike inside. Clarrise still strapped in her seat, you rolled the bike to the far wall of your kitchen. The babbling baby in her carrier made you smile as she reached out to you, her feet kicking in excitement as she made eye contact.

Holding your little girl felt so right, yet so wrong at the same time. Not only was this life forced upon you, but this baby took everything from you. Your passion for dancing and painting, your want to go to college, desire to learn and grow. This creature that is in need of so much care and attention took all of that from you. But so did he. He hurt you the most.

Every day memories flow through your brain like a movie projecting onto a loosely hanging sheet. Warped, but clear for a person to know what happened. It was your duty to Clarrise that she did not know your past, and that she was brought into this life in a way that is a crime. And she never had to know. Having her not grow up with a father was a sacrifice you were willing to take to keep her protected from the pain you went through.

Your alarm on your phone went off, and you sat down on the couch to feed Clarrise. As you unclipped your padded bra, you froze at the sound of a knock came from the front door. Luckily Clarrise didn’t seem too hungry at the moment, so you slowly approached the door. You looked through the peep hole and saw a man. He had short brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. He looked… gentle.

As you held your child close to your chest you slowly opened the door.

“Can I help you?”

He looked down at you, a hight difference clearly present. He smiled at the small child in your arms and responded to your question. “Im looking for Carla. Does she live here?”

You nod and say “I am her, is there something I can do for you?” You ask again, wanting a reason for the sudden visit from this man. He looked back to your face and you made eye contact with him, it was his eyes that looked so familiar.

“Right, I just moved in down the hall way and wanted to introduce myself. Im James Barnes, and I’m from 107, that way.” He pointed down the hall way and you followed his finger. You nodded with a smile. “Well, its nice to meet you James. Would you like to come in? I was just about to feed this little one, but if you don’t feel comfortable with breast feeding, you don’t have to come in.”

You invite him in, not thinking of the dangers or intents of this man. He kindly accepts and enters your small apartment. Offering him a seat on the couch, you sit down opposite from him in the rocking chair. Putting a cover over Clarrise, you begin to feed her, the milk coming from your breasts entering her mouth as she begins to feed.

“What brings you to Spain? I don’t know a lot of English speakers here besides the land lord.” You say, wanting to start conversation. He nods and shrugs, smiling softly.

“I just needed a change of scenery, thats all.” He keeps his answer simple, not knowing how to bring himself to tell you what he did.

“Have I seen you around? You seem very familiar, maybe in the market?” You ask, knowing you have seen him somewhere.

This was his chance, this is the time to tell her.

“No, I don’t think it was in the market,” He says in a sad tone. “It was a while back, I- um, I worked with Hydra. For your father. A-and I was ordered to do something very harmful to you, and I believe it was the result of- of her…” He slowly explains as he takes off his glove, revealing his metal hand.

Your heart drops, the puzzle piece finally fitting in the right place in your mind. Tears pool in your eyes as you look from his eyes to his hand. The metal one. The memories come flooding back to your head, the nightmares, the feelings, and the eyes. His eyes, those got forbidden eyes. As cold as ice, yet as blue as the ocean of where you pictured yourself at the time of his assault.

"I am only here to apologize. I am not asking for forgiveness. I am no longer the winte-”

“Why,” you cut him off. “Why did you do it?” Your voice cracks, many emotions coming through your gritted teeth.

His eyes softened at your broken voice, and he sighs softly looking down at his hand. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“What did my father do? What did he do to you?” You ask, pity also filling your voice as you too know what horrors other prisoners went through. You felt bad, even for him. You tear your eyes away from him, moving them to your baby, his baby.

“He did horrible things, but nothing compares to what he did to you. What he made me do to you. I- Im so sorry Y/n…” He takes the risk of saying your name, not expecting anything from it.

“What are you doing here, James? What do you expect me to do?” I ask, trying to understand why he is here. “Did you come to finish the job?” You ask the question that dreaded your mind the moment he told you who he was.

“No, not at all. I actually came here to offer protection. But I understand if you want nothing to do with me or the life you had to endure when under the horrors of Hydra.”

You considered. You actually considered letting him stay and try to protect you. “What or who am I in danger of?” You counter his offer, trying to prove something but unsure of what. You sigh and shake your head. “Forget about it. Im in the witness protection program, so protection shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Carla. How do you think I found you?” He asks, exposing what he did to find you.

Your brows furrowed and you glared at him. “I see.”

You didn’t engage anymore, you were numb and didn’t know how to feel about the situation. You felt violated all over again, by the same man. “Leave. Please just go.” You whisper, tears falling freely down your cheeks. Once Clarrise was done eating, you clipped your breast back into your bra and stood up. You didn’t notice James put a card on your coffee table as he made his way to your door.

“I understand your fears. I hope you have found safety in Spain, Carla.” He said emotionlessly, actually understanding your fears. As he went back to his apartment which he did actually buy, he sighed and shut the door.

As he dialed the only phone number he actually knew, he slid down the door and sat against it as the line rung. He closed his eyes and let his head hit the door.

“Hey, you’ve reached Sam Wilson, Trauma counselor at the department of veterans affairs. Please leave a message and I will call you back when I’m free. Thanks!”

“Sam, It’s done. She- She’s crossed off the list.”

~~~~~~~

Hours had passed by the time you could even speak. “How could he have found us?” You ask as you bounce Clarrise in your arms. The sleeping little girl in your arms was clueless to your question, hopefully dreaming of running free and not in hiding anymore. “My god, maybe it would be good to have protection…”

You were talking to Clarrise as if she understood, but you knew she didn’t. You give her head a small kiss, looking in the direction of the coffee table in the middle of your small living room. An index card sat on the corner, scribbled on it was a phone number and a sloppy “107” on the bottom. You knew who this was from.

You sighed and sat on the couch, cuddling your baby close to your chest, clutching her as if she would disappear. Staring at the piece of paper in your hands you contemplate calling him, contemplating on apologizing. Apologizing on your fathers behalf.

Before you could stop yourself, you reached for your phone and dialed the number.

~~~~~~~

Bucky jumped at the ring of his cell phone. He instantly recognized the number from the witness protection program website.

“Hello?”

You took a few seconds before talking. “I know you know who this is. I’m making dinner a-and was wondering if you would like to join me?”

Bucky was taken a back by the sudden invitation, “Oh, sure I would love to. What time should I be there?”

Responding rather quickly, you said, “Now?”

Before he could say anything, you had hung up and began making dinner. Boiling water for the noodles, opening up some seasonings you had just bought and putting the bread in the oven, you were ready for James.

He knocked on your door and you put Clarrise in her bassinet in the living room, keeping an eye on her as you cooked. As you opened the door, you smiled softly at James. Instead of fearing him, you wrap your arms around him. He freezes, not yet used to such a gentle gesture from someone.

As you sigh into him, he returns the hug and softly wraps his arms around you too. “Im so sorry James. Im sorry for everything my father did to you…” You know you shouldn’t have to apologize, but you can’t help but feel obligated knowing what James went through.

“No, you have nothing to apologize for. It was and never will be your fault. Do you understand me?” James said, giving you a soft squeeze.

You nod silently in response, and you gently pull away; tears falling from your eyes. Out of instinct, he cups your cheek and tenderly wipes the tears from your cheeks.

You lean into his benevolent touch and look up at him, a sense of security falling over yourself. Even though you knew him as the winter soldier, you knew you were safe with James. You knew that Clarrise was his child as well, and that she was safe with James.

Gently reaching for his hand, you lead him into your home. He shuts the door behind him, and smiles as you walk to the kitchen continuing your work making dinner. You pause and look over at Clarrise who is now wide awake.

“Do you want to meet her?” You ask, noticing James looking over at the babbling baby.

He nods with a smile, subconsciously knowing that Clarrise is his child. As you approach the bassinet, you smile down at her. “Hi sweetheart, are you awake?” You ask in a small voice, smiling as she smiles back up at you. Picking her up, you hold her against your chest, looking to James with a smile.

“I named her Clarrise, after my mother. Do you want to give her a middle name?” You ask, subconsciously accepting that he is her father. He looked to you and tilted his head.

“Are you sure?” He asked, not wanting to force himself into the life you and Clarrise already have. You nod and wait for him to give an answer. “What about Sarah? After my sister?”

Your ears perked at the word ‘sister,’ “You have a sister?” You ask with smile.

“I had a sister. She um, she passed away a couple years ago. But she was sweet, and I think that it would be perfect for this sweet girl as well.” You smile at his suggestion and nod in approval.

“Clarrise Sarah Barnes.” You utter, gently handing James your baby girl. “It’s ok, you won’t hurt her, I know you won’t.” Looking up at him, you can see the hesitation in his eyes. As he takes Clarrise in his arms, the connection is clear between them. A father-daughter bond that no one can just create. She was his.

“She’s beautiful, just like her mother.” He subtly compliments you, himself falling for you. This time in the form of true love, not forced love. You feel your cheeks heat up, a shy smile pulling at your lips.

“She has her fathers eyes,” You point out Clarrise's blue eyes, still slightly forming as she grows. “And his bravery.” Adding onto her attribute, you look at James face as he interacts with the baby.

Thinking of his preposition, you say to him, “You know, I wouldn’t mind a little protection. I-it would be nice to not feel so scared going out. Clarrise I bet would love to have her father around as well.”

You anxiously wait for James’s reaction, hoping he doesn’t think you are moving to fast. Relief flooded your system as he nods. “I promise you, no one will hurt you. Not anymore.” He says, turning his head back to you. “I promise, Carla.”

You shake your head, and wave your hand a little bit. “Y/n is fine. Im sick of being someone Im not.”

He chuckles softly. “Trust me, I get it.” You smile and you move next to him, leaning on his strong bicep as you both look down at your beautiful baby girl.

“James?”

“Yes, Y/n?”

You pause.

You smile as he transfers Clarrise back into your arms. She has fallen asleep again, so you put her back in her bassinet. With the knowledge that both of her parents looking down at her, it makes you feel secure and safe.

You turn to Bucky and look up at him, your hands coming to meet his cheeks. The proximity of the both of you made your heart beat quicker, and your mind blank. You did what you felt was right and leaned forward, connecting your lips with his. His hands hold your waist gently, and he pulls you into him. You pull away breathlessly and he kisses your temple. You move your arms around his torso, and he holds you in an embrace, his chin resting on your head.

"I’d like you to stay. Please.” You answer, a sigh of relief escaping your mouth as you feel him nod his head.

“Of course, princess, of course.” He cradles the back of your head in his large hand and kisses your forehead once again. He may have hurt you in the past, but he’s gained a little bit of your trust. He showed you that he is sorry, and you understand that it was not his fault. In this new chapter of your life, you know you will make it far.

And so will your baby girl.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female!reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #Bucky barnes x mom!reader #TFATWS!Bucky x reader #Bucky banres x Y/n #slightly dark fic #bucky x reader #Winter soldier x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst

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zepskies · 5 months ago

Note

Hello hun! 😊

Okay, since I'm still on hold up here 🙈, I thought I send you a question.

How do you find a plot for your storys? What get's your inspiration going or what does spark you to make it a WIP?

So interested to hear how it works for you. 😁

Hey there, lovely!! 💜

Aww still waiting on Tracker to come out for you, huh? Almost there, right? 😅

But thank you for this question! The lovely @luci-in-trenchcoats asked me a similar one not too long ago in this ask, so my answer will be similar on some things.

⚡ Getting inspiration for stories:

Initially, my imagination always gets sparked by the "What If" question. Here are a few examples:

"What if Soldier Boy could be redeemed?" (Break Me Down - Soldier Boy x Reader)

"What if Dean Winchester had a Latina girlfriend?" (Midnight Espresso - Dean x Plus-sized Latina!Reader)

"What if Dean was a firefighter?" (Smoke Eater - Firefighter!Dean x Reader)

"What if Dean met his soulmate in season 1?" (Never Say Goodbye - Dean x Soulmate!Reader)

"What if Russell Shaw set his sights on his sister's best friend?" (Every Second Counts - Russell Shaw x Reader)

"What if you had a messy past you were running from, just like the new sheriff in town?" (Take Me Home - Beau Arlen x Reader)

You get the idea. 😂

✍🏽 Developing the plot:

After that, where I draw ideas for the plot depends on the kind of story I'm writing. And for that, I'm a big advocate of:

"Write what you know."

"Write what you can research."

"Write what you're interested in."

"Write what you've never tried to do before (but may secretly want to)."

Again, a couple of examples...

Break Me Down:

With BMD, I already had a loose concept in Checkerboard, with the reader working surveillance at Supe Affairs. It would paint her and Soldier Boy (Ben) as enemies from the start. "Enemies to lovers" was a trope I had never written before, but I thought it was a fun challenge, besides the obvious one of attempting to "redeem" Soldier Boy lol.

In general, I'm a sucker for the gruff, devil-may-care, rough exterior guy who only becomes soft for his girl. 😂

More practically though, I drew from the source material a bit for the Black Noir twist (the comics), and also from my love of Smallville for some of the superhero plot aspects. I also knew that if the reader was going to eventually give Ben a chance and see the humanity underneath, she would need time to do it. So what better way than with an accidental kidnapping? 😅

And somehow it became this quasi- Beauty & the Beast storyline that developed into Ben and the reader saving one another, in more ways than one. 💚

Smoke Eater:

With this story, I had several influences that helped me develop the plot. I have a deep and abiding love for cop and medical procedurals like Law & Order, House MD, and Chicago PD, but also for Chicago Fire in particular. (Also my uncle was a firefighter.) That helped me create Firehouse 25 and decide which canon characters I wanted to pull into the narrative.

It was my first ever full AU as well, so I drew a lot from the SPN canon S1-2 storyline to create the overarching murder mystery/the string of arsons. I was also very much impacted from stories my friends had told me of their experiences with sexual harassment, which is unfortunately where the Nick storyline came in.

And I actually drew a lot from my own experience with grief and loss in that story. Specifically in the challenges the reader faces with her family (with Dean's help). I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but after I wrote the initial drafts and started editing each chapter, I realized just where I was drawing from for that storyline. 💙

All that to say, that's a snapshot into my process from ideation to plotting! It's not always easy when you hit those difficult beats in a story, whether it's grief and loss, trauma and PSTD, or just the difficulties of making complex plot lines connect.

But overall, I do my best to have fun. If I'm not having fun, then why am I writing? 😘

Anyway. 😂 Thank you so much for this question, my friend! @jessjad I'm pretty sure this is way more than you wanted to hear, but I so appreciate you for asking about my writing process! 💗

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luckykiwiii101 · 6 months ago

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First Things First

1) Queenofuniverses has been spamming me with asks

2) She told me to remove my post which was replying to her ask. So I decided to because that’s the nice thing to do. -> CLICK HERE

3) Then I received an anonymous ask saying that I was mean to queenofuniverses (QOU) and that i was insensitive since she lost her father (never happened by the way) CLICK HERE

4) QUO sent me an ask saying that she lost her father and that she wanted help getting into the void. She said I mistook her for someone else since I asked her to stop spamming me. In which I responded to “Oh i’m sorry i mistook you for someone else” P.S I didn’t mistake her for someone else. She was spamming me but I didn’t want to humiliate her so I pretended that I just mistook her for someone else.

5) Then I “realised” that I received a rude ask from someone saying that I was mean to QUO and that i was insensitive towards her since she lost her father (which I wasn’t AT ALL, in my reply to the ask I was very kind and apologised, so that started to make me think that it was QUO herself who decided to send me an ask using anon mode)

6) Feeling disrespected, thinking that QUO sent me that ask posing as somebody else, I made a post calling her out. Turns out I was wrong, and the actual anon who sent me that rude ask came forward, and decided to respond. You can read it here -> HERE

7) noddingofcat (the rude anon) started calling out other bloggers and coming for them too because they were defending me because they truly thought that QUO posed as a fake anon to defend herself.

8) Threads and threads were made by us responding to eachother (me and @noddingofcat) You can read them here btw -> CLICK HERE & HERE & HERE

9) This person refused to accept that I made a mistake and kept saying that I did it on purpose to make somebody look bad…FALSE BTW it’s giving conspiracy theorist

10) @noddingofcat kept harassing me even after I apologised continuously to QUO. She then proceeded to give me a morality lesson and tell me to be kind, whilst she was being rude.

11) @noddingofcat COMPLETELY disregarded their wrongs and flipped EVERYTHING on me. I think she acknowledged that it was wrong for her to sen done a rude ask at one point. But i never understood why she was being an advocate for QUO and acting like a victim.

12) Through those threads, I found out that @noddingofcat had been privately message QUO and QUO told her that she lost her father. I never knew that QUO lost her father. This is when @noddingofcat decided to go on anon mode and send me a rude ask (brave much)

13) Although at first @noddingofcat had good intentions, she message QUO in attempt to defend me as she thought that QUO was spamming me (which she was). Then QUO told her that she wasn’t spamming me (liar) and then @noddingofcat sent me that rude ask accusing me of being insensitive and implying that I knew she lost her father.

14) Yes QUO sent me that ask saying she lost her father, but not ONCE was i rude to her. I don’t know where @noddingofcat got that from. All i asked her was to stop spamming me (before i knew her father passed).

15) During this whole process, QUO didn’t apologise to me for her lies. and @noddingofcat didn’t apologise to me for twisting up the whole story and making it seem as if i’m some terrible person. She also told me i never manifested anything.

16) As I was rightfully defending myself, @noddingofcat kept asking me to address the post I made about QUO. The post was rude, as it should have been since i thought she was trying to manipulate and deceive me. I repeatedly apologised to QUO for it. Yet @noddingoftears still wasn’t satisfied. She went to go analyse my whole blog and screenshoted posts and annotated them trying to “find” something to pick out.

17) I addressed EVERYTHING she kept repeatedly asking me for. She kept asking me over again but still wasn’t satisfied?

18) I decided to block her because she was literally harrassing me.

19) After I blocked her i noticed that QUO replied to the thread also and started calling me rude and telling me to watch my language. Again, schooling me on my morality whilst she LIED about not spamming me and LIED about me knowing that her father passed.

20) I proceeded to block her too. I didn’t not insult her in any of this btw apart from the post I made about her.

21) Then @noddngofcats went on her main account and started trying to communicate with me on there too.

Many times throughout this I’ve attempted to stop the argument and say that we can both apologise to eachother as it was a misunderstanding but she didn’t want to end it. It was almost as if she enjoyed it because she kept dragging it on. She wouldn’t let it go. I apologised 100000 times to QUO.

Proof -> CLICK HERE

She kept disregarding my feelings and acting surprised and as if i was a murderer because i got angry at QUO as i THOUGHT she sent me that anonymous ask. I apologised for that. Yet some of my followers asked me to apologise? As if i didn’t already. MULTIPLE TIMES. I know apologising doesn’t make everything okay but she isn’t innocent as she spammed me and lied about it.

Proof -> CLICK HERE

noddingofcat kept trying to claim that i purposely switched the screenshots that i put on the post to make it seem as if QUO sent me the ask AFTER the rude anon did. That was a pure mistake. Yet noddingofcat wanted to see the worst in people and claim that i didnt it on purpose. Smh. So not true btw. Attempted to interrogate me again. -> CLICK HERE

She wouldn’t listen to me -> CLICK HERE

Girl started analysing my personality and said my apology was out of character -> CLICK HERE

Started her conspiracy theories -> CLICK HERE

Well there’s more but i think this clears pretty much everything up for those people who kept telling me to apologise and acting like i’m in the wrong.

If you’re going to be so quick to accuse me, please unfollow me. I do not respect you. Nor do i expect you to believe a random person on the internet, but do not try to school me on anything when you didn’t even know the story. This is directed at some people in my inbox telling me to apologise.

#void state #void #law of assumption #loa tumblr #loassumption #loa blog #loablr #manifestation #loa #the void state

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small-but-mighty · 7 months ago

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Meet Mable!

I’ve been putting off telling this story because I wanted to focus on the other stories that these animals have to share. Anyways, my sister finally told me it’s an important one to share. So, meet Mable!

Mable is actually my bunny. She is a wonderful beautiful lionhead with just the right amount of “bunitude”. However, she hasn’t always had her luxurious long mane.

One day, one of the animal cruelty officers from work (the RISPCA) got word of a rabbit in rough condition posted on Craigslist. So, she went and investigated and ended up bringing the rabbit to our clinic for veterinary care. The little rabbit was in ROUGH condition. All four limbs were covered in urine scolding, and there was not an ounce of fat on the body, you could feel the bones. Just incase somebody who isn’t bunny savy is reading this, rabbits must always have a source of hay, this enables them to have the fiber required to keep their insides moving, if their digestive system were to stop, it very quickly can kill the rabbit. The little bunny brought to clinic, was on the verge of this happening. The small animal manager texted our team and said that this little bunny was coming into the shelter and that our vet was not sure she was going to make the weekend. I asked if our vet wanted me to take her, to at least pass on a home with love. What I thought was going to be a weekend just to give a little bun a home to pass, turned into the start of a long journey.

She survived the first weekend, and by then… she stole my heart. This little baby was only about three months old, and she had a fighting spirit. She was a bit shy about me, but she knew I was helping her, taking her meds like a champ, and chowing down on all the hay I could offer. I knew I couldn’t let her go. That Tuesday (it was a long weekend!) I brought her back to the clinic, it was time to start the process of finding out just how truly bad her legs were. This meant she had to be put under anesthesia. While under anesthesia the veterinarian was able to perform x-rays on her legs, which showed that the urine scolding on her legs (this was caused by her living in her own filth) was so bad, the infection went down to one of the bones. Great. We made the weekend, we woke up from anesthesia, but now we have to pray we can treat this infection. Or else she would have to become a little tripod. Now becoming a tripod would not have been the end of Mable’s story, I remember doing research about tripod rabbits, just incase! However, nobody wants to ambulate a bunny’s leg…..

So after removing all the dead skin from all four limbs, I was able to be there when Mable woke up from her anesthesia. It was no longer a mission to just survive, we were gonna heal now. For months, Mable wore cast like bandages on her legs and got antibiotics twice a day. These had to be changed twice a week by a vet. We started out with all 4 in casts, then we went to just her back legs, until it was just her one really bad leg. FINALLY, all four legs were free! The first time I ever saw this bunny binky, I almost cried! She was able to do that, because of the time, patience, talent, and dedication our team had.

She still wasn’t done yet though! There was still one more big procedure she had to make it through. Her spay! I will always advocate for spaying and neutering your bunny, but my goodness was I nervous! The little fighter has already gone through so much and she had to go through a surgery now! Of course she came through like it was nothing though.

I took Mable home on January 20th, 2023, and her official adoption day of when she was medically cleared was May 23,2023. So it was a very lengthy process of healing, my entire last semester of college actually.

Today, Mable is the most spoiled bunny! She has her own bed, so many toys and treats (including those that come in her monthly subscription box), and so many people that love her! She recently had her first yearly check up where she got a clean bill of health!

You can sometimes find Mable with me at the RISPCA, where we have told our story to kids at our humane education camp, and even to potential adopters or those who are trying to learn more about rabbits when they attend our bunny related events!

Mable is a huge part of my life and even though she is a tiny little gal, she really has shown both me and the world just how mighty she is. Next time you visit the RISPCA, look around the adoption areas and the smallie room, you may just find her picture around!

#animal rescue #bunny #animals #rabbits #animal welfare #animal cruelty #animal rights #rispca #lionhead bunny #lionhead rabbit #Mable

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nickeverdeen · 8 months ago

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hi👋🏻

Maybe (or not) you remember me but I asked once if you write neurodivergent readers. So... I'm finally here to make my first request (🙈). I wanted to have HCs with jesse from Tlou being reader's boyfriend (besides ellie being her bestfriend and joel having a really soft spot for reader in his old heart). And in this case, reader is a high-functioning autistic. (I don't know if you feel like you can write a reader like that, but I can write some of my own characteristics/habits to help you if you want).

So, the idea is Hc's with how jesse deals with an autistic reader, for example: reader having sensitivity to loud voices sometimes, having some problems with some food textures and repetitive hobbies, stimming with hands a lot (thinking about jesse letting reader fidgeting with the colar of his shirt is so comforting), how jesse tries to make things a little easier for her day by day, how is being attentive with her during sex moments, how does he feels about reader patrolling with him or someone else (even tho she's capable and smart), or how would he or some other main character feel if some random person is bothering reader somehow would be nice. This is more jesse centric, but you can say things about other characters too if u want. Anways, If you read until here thank you, I know I'm babbling by now lol

Oh and if you don't feel like writing this one it's fine by me too. Do what you feel comfortable!!

Hey, of course I remember you and I did the best I could and pls tell me if I messed something up and don’t worry as I’m completely fine with writing this as I myself have ADD and mild ASD so no worries and feel free to request anything anytime!

————————————————————

Jesse x high-functioning autistic fem!reader

Pairing: Jesse x reader (romantic), Ellie x reader (platonic), Joel x reader (platonic)

Warning: Mention of sex

Jesse is incredibly patient and understanding when it comes to your sensitivity to loud voices

He always makes sure to speak softly and calmly around you, especially in crowded or noisy environments

He’s attentive to your cues and knows when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed by loud noises

Whether it’s a crowded party or a busy street, he’ll gently guide you to a quieter area or suggest taking a break

Jesse is your rock during moments of sensory overload

He’ll hold your hand, provide comforting touches, or even use calming techniques like deep breathing exercises to help you feel grounded and calm

He’s proactive about creating a sensory-friendly environment for you

Whether it’s adjusting the volume on the TV or choosing quieter places to hang out, he’s always thinking ahead to make sure you’re comfortable

Jesse is your biggest advocate and isn’t afraid to speak up on your behalf

If someone is being too loud or insensitive to your needs, he’ll step in and politely address the situation

He’s constantly educating himself about autism and sensory processing issues to better understand your experiences and how to support you

Jesse loves finding new ways to connect with you that cater to your sensory preferences

Whether it’s going for quiet walks in nature or enjoying calming activities like painting or listening to music together, he’s always looking for ways to make you feel at ease

He’s great at finding creative solutions to help you navigate loud or overwhelming situations

Whether it’s using noise-canceling headphones or carrying earplugs, he’s always prepared to help you manage sensory overload

Jesse’s unwavering patience and understanding make you feel truly accepted and loved for who you are

You never have to worry about being judged or misunderstood when you’re with him

Above all, Jesse’s love for you is unwavering, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you feel safe, comfortable, and understood

Jesse is incredibly understanding of your sensory issues with food textures and always takes them into consideration when planning meals or dining out together

He’s patient and supportive, never making you feel bad or self-conscious about your food preferences and always willing to accommodate them

Jesse enjoys exploring new recipes and cooking together with you, focusing on dishes with textures that you find comfortable and enjoyable

He’s always on the lookout for restaurants or eateries that offer a variety of textures to suit your preferences, making dining out a stress-free experience for you

Jesse encourages you to communicate openly about your food texture sensitivities, ensuring that he’s aware of any new triggers or preferences that arise

He’s willing to try new foods and textures with you at your own pace, providing encouragement and support every step of the way

Jesse understands the importance of routine and stability for you, so he’s always up for participating in your repetitive hobbies or activities, whether it’s watching the same movie or engaging in a favorite pastime together

He finds joy in sharing your hobbies and interests, embracing the comfort and familiarity they bring to your relationship

Jesse is patient and never rushes you when engaging in repetitive activities, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the experience and find comfort in the familiar

Jesse’s unwavering support and understanding make you feel accepted and loved for who you are, quirks and all

Jesse is incredibly understanding when it comes you stimming with your hands

He knows that it’s a natural behavior for you and never makes you feel self-conscious about it

He notices how your hands move in certain patterns or motions when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, and he gently encourages you to stim whenever you need to

Jesse actually finds it endearing and comforting when you fidget with the collar of his shirt

He sees it as a way for you to feel grounded and connected to him, and he always lets you do it without hesitation

Whenever you’re cuddling or sitting close together, Jesse intentionally wears shirts with soft collars, knowing that it brings you a sense of calm and security to fidget with them

He often holds your hand or intertwines your fingers when you’re feeling particularly anxious, providing you with a sense of physical reassurance and comfort

Jesse never rushes you or makes you feel pressured to stop stimming

He respects your boundaries and always creates a safe and accepting environment for you

He learns about different stimming techniques and tools that can help you manage your sensory needs better, and he’s always willing to try new things to support you

Jesse is observant and attentive to your nonverbal cues, knowing when you need a moment alone to stim or when you need his presence and support

He often incorporates activities that allow you to stim into your daily routine, whether it’s going for walks, playing with fidget toys, or engaging in sensory-friendly activities together

Jesse constantly reassures you that your stimming is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of

He loves and accepts you exactly as you are

Jesse learns about autism and its various aspects to better understand his girlfriend’s needs and experiences

He creates a calming and predictable routine for you both, knowing that structure can provide stability and comfort

Jesse communicates openly with you, discussing any changes or plans in advance to minimize surprises

He sets up a quiet and sensory-friendly space in your home where his you can retreat when feeling overwhelmed

Jesse encourages you to engage in activities that you enjoy and finds ways to incorporate you into your daily routine

He offers gentle reminders and prompts to help you stay organized and on track with tasks and appointments

Jesse provides emotional support and reassurance during challenging situations, offering comfort and understanding

He actively listens to your concerns and respects your boundaries, always prioritizing your comfort and well-being

Jesse educates his friends about autism, helping them understand how to best support and help you when something’s up

He advocates for your needs in social settings, stepping in to explain or intervene if necessary to ensure your comfort

He participates in activities that you enjoy, showing genuine interest and enthusiasm for your hobbies

Jesse researches and introduces new coping strategies and sensory tools that may benefit you

He remains patient and understanding, recognizing that everyone experiences the world differently and embracing the differences between you two

Jesse continually learns and grows alongside his girlfriend, adapting his approach to best support you as you navigate life together

Jesse pays close attention to your verbal and non-verbal cues, ensuring clear communication and mutual understanding throughout

He creates a comfortable and sensory-friendly environment, minimizing distractions and providing a safe space for you to relax

Jesse prioritizes his girlfriend’s pleasure and enjoyment, focusing on your needs and desires during sex moments

He takes the time to discuss boundaries and preferences with you beforehand, respecting your limits and boundaries at all times

Jesse engages in gentle and reassuring touch, using soft caresses and strokes to help you feel relaxed and at ease

He remains attuned to your responses, adjusting his actions and pacing based on your comfort level and feedback

Jesse encourages open communication during sex, inviting you to express your feelings and desires without judgment

He incorporates sensory stimulation that you enjoy, such as specific textures or sensations, to enhance your pleasure

Jesse maintains eye contact and verbal reassurance, offering words of encouragement and affirmation to you throughout

He checks in with you regularly, asking if you are comfortable and if there’s anything you need or want to change

Jesse creates a sense of safety and trust, fostering an environment where you feel free to explore and express yourself sexually

He embraces your unique way of experiencing sex, adapting his approach to suit your preferences and comfort level

He avoids sudden or unexpected movements, providing gentle guidance and support to help you feel secure

Jesse focuses on emotional connection as well as physical pleasure, prioritizing sex and closeness in your sexual experiences

Jesse remains attentive and responsive to your needs and desires, ensuring that your sexual encounters are mutually satisfying and fulfilling

Jesse feels proud and honored that you choose to join him on patrols, recognizing your intelligence and capabilities

He admires your bravery and determination, knowing that you are more than capable of handling yourself in challenging situations

Jesse values your unique perspective and skills, seeing you as an asset during patrols and missions

He prioritizes your safety and well-being, ensuring that you have the necessary support and resources while patrolling together

Jesse trusts your judgment and decision-making abilities, knowing that you are capable of handling yourself in any situation that may arise

He enjoys spending time with his girlfriend on patrols, cherishing the opportunity to work together and strengthen their bond

Jesse remains attentive to your needs and comfort level while patrolling, offering reassurance and support as needed

He encourages you to communicate openly about your experiences and feelings while on patrol, fostering a sense of trust and teamwork

Jesse respects your autonomy and independence, allowing you to take the lead or contribute in your own way during patrols

He acknowledges any challenges or difficulties you may face while patrolling, offering encouragement and understanding throughout

Jesse values your contributions and insights during patrols, appreciating your unique perspective and problem-solving skills

He remains vigilant and protective of you while on patrol, ensuring that you are safe and supported at all times

Jesse communicates openly with his girlfriend about the risks and dangers of patrolling, seeking your input and collaboration in decision-making

He prioritizes clear communication and coordination with you while on patrol, working together seamlessly to achieve their objectives

Jesse acknowledges and respects your boundaries and comfort level during patrols, adjusting their approach as needed to ensure your well-being

Jesse cherishes the opportunity to patrol alongside his girlfriend, savoring the moments you share together while working towards a common goal

Ellie deeply values her best friend’s presence on patrols, recognizing your unique perspective and attention to detail, which often spot things others might miss

Despite your autism, Ellie views you as an essential and equal member of the patrol team, treating you with respect and admiration for your intelligence and capabilities

Ellie feels a sense of responsibility towards her best friend, ensuring you feel comfortable and safe while on patrol, and always ready to provide support or assistance whenever needed

She occasionally worries about her best friend’s well-being during patrols, especially in dangerous or high-stress situations, but trusts your abilities and instincts to handle yourself effectively

Joel respects your intelligence and capabilities, recognizing your unique strengths and skills that make you a valuable asset on patrols

He feels a sense of protectiveness towards you, understanding that you may face additional challenges due to your autism, but admiring your determination to overcome them and contribute effectively to your patrol missions

Joel appreciates your honesty and sincerity, finding your straightforwardness refreshing and valuable, especially during critical moments on patrol where clear communication is essential

Despite any initial reservations or concerns, Joel quickly realizes your capabilities and trusts you to handle yourself competently during patrols, treating you as an equal and valued member of their team

If there would be someone bothering you Jesse would feel protective of you, especially knowing that you may have difficulty handling certain situations

He would approach the situation calmly but assertively, intervening if the random person is bothering you

Jesse would prioritize your comfort and well-being above everything else, making sure you feel safe and supported

He might try to defuse the situation peacefully by calmly talking to the random person and asking them to leave you alone

If the random person doesn’t listen, Jesse would be prepared to take more decisive action to ensure your safety, but he would try to avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily

Jesse would make sure to reassure you afterward, letting you know that he’s there for you and that you don’t have to face such situations alone

He might also discuss strategies with you on how to handle similar situations in the future, empowering you to advocate for yourself

Jesse would be understanding of any anxiety or distress you may feel after the encounter and would be there to provide comfort and support

He would also make sure to check in on you regularly to see how you’re feeling and if there’s anything else he can do to help

Overall, Jesse’s priority would be to create a safe and supportive environment for his girlfriend, where she feels loved, respected, and protected

As your best friend Ellie would immediately step in to defend you, not hesitating to confront the random person

She would use her quick wit and sharp tongue to shut down the person bothering you, making it clear that they’re not welcome

Ellie’s protective instincts would kick in, and she would make it known that messing with her friend is not something she takes lightly

She might use humor or sarcasm to diffuse the tension and lighten the mood, but her underlying message would be clear: back off

Ellie would stay by your side throughout the encounter, offering you support and solidarity

She would make sure you feel safe and reassured, using her own confidence and strength to bolster her friend’s spirits

Ellie might also try to distract you afterward, engaging you in a fun activity or conversation to take your mind off the incident

She would be fiercely protective of your emotional well-being, offering a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on if needed

Ellie would make it clear to the random person that bothering you is not something she’ll tolerate, and she’ll be keeping an eye out to ensure it doesn’t happen again

Overall, Ellie’s loyalty and fierce protectiveness would shine through as she stands up for her best friend and ensures she feels supported and defended

Joel having a soft spot for you would feel a surge of protective instinct towards you, wanting to shield you from any harm or discomfort

He might initially feel a bit more reserved in his approach compared to Jesse and Ellie, but his protective instincts would still drive him to intervene

Joel would calmly assess the situation and step in to defuse any tension, using his calm demeanor and authoritative presence to assertively handle the situation

He would make it clear to the random person that bothering you is not acceptable, firmly but respectfully insisting that they leave you alone

Joel’s protective nature would extend to your emotional well-being, and he would make sure you feel supported and reassured throughout the encounter

He might offer you a comforting presence, standing by your side and subtly communicating his support and solidarity

Joel would be observant of your cues and emotions, tuning in to your needs and offering his assistance or guidance as necessary

After the encounter, Joel would check in on you to see how you’re feeling and offer you any additional support or reassurance you may need and he might offer you some good coffee too

He would also make it clear to the random person that bothering you is not something he’ll tolerate, and he’ll be keeping an eye out to ensure it doesn’t happen again

Overall, Joel’s protective instincts and caring nature would shine through as he ensures you feel safe, supported, and defended

#request #headcanons #jesse tlou #tlou #ellie tlou #tlou2 #joel tlou #tlou part 2 #tlou fanfiction #tlou game #jesse x reader #jesse x you #jesse tlou x reader #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader

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astra-galaxie · 2 months ago

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hii :3 can i ask you for any celeta hcs anything at all please 🙏 luv ya

For the one who introduced me to (and got me obsessed with) this ship, I'm sure I can come up with some hcs for Celeta! 😉

They met during a past World Exhibition. Their workshops were beside each other, and they often found themselves crossing paths. They soon started having lunch together and quickly forged a friendship through their shared love of inventing and being women in a heavily male-dominated career

Greta has several romantic nicknames for Celine (the most popular one being "my beautiful Rose" on account of Celine's middle name). Celine tried coming up with nicknames for Greta, but she's not as creative when it comes to romance...

While she might not be good at making cute nicknames, Celine has mastered the love language of gift-giving! She often makes things for Greta, jewelry and tiny automatons being the most common

Both are strong advocators for women's rights and women in science. They hope to one day co-write a book on inventing specifically targeted toward women to inspire more women to break away from the norm and pursue their dreams

Celine once took Greta on a late-night date, which featured a picnic under the stars. Celine taught Greta everything she knew about the constellations twinkling in the night sky, and Greta happily listened to her girlfriend ramble away about the stars above

Greta enjoyed gifting Celine roses as they were her favourite flower. Celine loved having them in her workshop as they brought pops of colour and a pleasant aroma to the room. She had several vases dedicated to her roses, and never once were they all empty, thanks to how often Greta got Celine new flowers

Even though "Celine" and "elegance" rarely go in the same sentence, she would do anything for Greta, even put on a fancy dress, do her hair and put on makeup. The first time Greta saw Celine all dressed up, she got so flustered she had to excuse herself to process the beautiful image in private and get her heart rate under control

After Celine died, her body was cremated to make for easier transport back to France so that she could be buried. Greta brought Celine's remains back to France but kept a small amount of her ashes. Greta put them into a heart-shaped locket she made and wears daily to keep Celine close to her heart

And that's all I've got for now! Thank you for the ask, and hopefully, these hcs will help fuel some inspiration for more Celeta content!😁

#criminal case #criminal case mysteries of the past #celine georges #greta gundwood #headcanons #ask

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cherryblossomforest · 1 month ago

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A lot has been happening and I've been doing a lot and nothing at all simultaneously. My pain has been very high on the pain scale and I've also been messing up my sleep schedule more and more. I need to fix that (I know it's past 3am lol).

One of the main things is that following our Sweet friend Mika ( @there-will-be-a-way ) we're also reporting our abusers. Despite one being dead, one being already in prison and I'm not even sure where the other is. We still have a huge pull to do this. It's terrifying but I'm curious all the same. I need us all to be on the same page before we do this and I know I'll wait for my advocate before starting the process but now that it's in my mind it's something I want to do.

I told my dad that I wanted to report his son. I wanted him to know and regardless of what he said I knew I was going to report him anyway. I know there won't be a case and I don't want there to be a case. But regardless he's a criminal... dead or alive and I want to tell the police. I recently remembered that when we were around 3 or 4 we tried calling the police. I had that memory for years, what I didn't remember was the fact that I was sleeping in his bed that night. My soul cries knowing that. It hurts. I still don't have the bad bit of the memory because it cuts off again but I want to finish what we started. They tried to call for help and I remember we just left the phone on the floor and it breaks my heart. Internally parts want to tell the police because you're taught as a child that bad people are arrested and the police know bad people so to them the police need to know him and I can make that happen!

Back to my dad though. We told him that's what we wanted to do and that to put it bluntly we feel safer to do that because he's dead. He said apart from fear what's stopping us from just doing it? I was taken aback but I said doubt. I said I'm still scared I'm wrong and I'm scared it isn't true and that it's false memories. He said that I shouldn't doubt myself and if this is something I need to do for my healing then he'll support me. He said I have his full support and he asked why I didn't tell him. I guess I'm not used to having this dad. I also told him that I didn't want to tell him straight away because I knew he was still grieving and his dead son was where his fatherhood started. He started to tell me off and said that it doesn't matter because I'm the one that's alive and he cares about me and I'm where his fatherhood ends so of course he's going to support me.

If I had the emotional capacity I would have cried because that was truly beautiful to hear. I've struggled with my relationship with my dad because he doesn’t really know how to be my dad. I know he feels a lot of guilt about how he's handled things and he also regrets not being as present in my life as he should have been. I know he's changing and I also know at times it's not enough but I also appreciate the amount of change he's already made. It shocks me every time tbh.

I also told him about how I've been getting flashes of memories from the guy who's already in prison for life, and that I wanted to tell the police about him too... although I don't have complete memories. Because all the articles I've read (over 10 tbh...) say that if he's affected you in any way to come forward and although I'm so scared I think I want to. When I told my dad this he got angry (although he was visibly trying to keep it in) and asked me if he abused me as well. I told him that that's what my memories are heading towards and it terrifies me but I'm not sure if I can doubt them. Again he said he'll support me in whatever I decide.

So now I'm trying to slowly prepare myself for reporting these people and I'm scared because I'm not sure what the process is like but I do think I want to do this. I'm also scared that they'll ask me about my mother since she knew I was being abused. That is one reason I'm scared as I don't want them to try and make a case against her but I'm not sure they will let that happen without my say which is reassuring.

The third abuser might be in this country still because I know his mother and sister are. If he's still here then they might actually investigate him which I think scares me but also I'm fully at the stage in my life that if anyone comes looking for me I have enough loved ones ready to fight and I too am ready to fight to the death. I have too much rage in me and too many things have happened. I just want to fight them all. Death to them all.

#shouting in the forest #ask to tag

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ranger-rai · 9 months ago

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What are your opinions on rapid evolution? Like say when a trainer feeds their pokemon candies to help them evolve instantly rather than gradually? Are there any adverse effects on the pokemon themselves? I'd assume it's just like forcing someone to instantly grow up rather than living out a childhood, right?

This is a pretty complex question, so let me start by giving the simple answer first:

It's a very bad practice and should be regulated a lot closer.

When it comes to pokemon growth, evolution and health you need to consider that they need time to grow into their final stages, and the time could be years spent with their trainer, allowing their body to strengthen and develop naturally.

Feeding a pokemon a bunch of "Rare Candy" artificially stimulates the natural energy pokemon output to conduct evolution.

Unfortunately, these "candies" are pretty easy to get your hands on and aren't seriously regulated because they actually have medical uses.

(You can also look up how to make them online as well)

These candies can be used if a pokemon us having some developmental problems in their evolution cycle, perhaps early evolution symptoms and signs but there's some kind of delay or energy imbalance, the candies can help stimulate this process to help them grow and evolve naturally.

Unfortunately these candies being medically useful, over the counter accessible and treatments for pretty simple issues have made them easy to get and easier to abuse, Unfortunately resulting in some pretty common problems for both trainers and pokemon.

While the benefit of the pokemon reaching its "maximum potential" way faster, some of the most common drawbacks of "Rapid Evolution" or "Candy Evo" are health defects like joint issues, breathing problems, heart and organ size difference, and under developed muscles and misplaced power output.

However, I am a huge advocate against raising training for the biggest drawback:

Delayed Mental Growth.

Unfortunately, a pokemon might evolve too quickly, and as a result, they are essentially a small pokemon in a large pokemons body, and its a lot more difficult to manage than you'd expect.

Personality disparity, random bouts or depression and fits of anger, and trying to find a way to explain to your pokemon that they can't fit in your lap or the small bed for them and now they need to sleep outside or in a less comfortable place.

It's all a lot that weighs on a person's mind and heart.

When I found Sylvester, he was alone, scared, and confused from his Rapid Evolution situation, after a child was gifted an Aron and used a ton of rare candies to help it evolve.

Apparently, she didn't know it would evolve into a large and heavy pokekon, and he wasn't as "cute," as she thought, so she abandoned him in Mt. Coronet.

This is also why I'm absolutely for education and NOT giving children Pokémon before they are trained and do some kind of camp beforehand.

Thankfully Sylvester has done so well in his over a year with me, and he is understanding his role and current situation in life, and has really become a joyful and loving ball of happiness who loves to dress fancy and serve people drinks st my Cafe.

He's always such a big help and a successful story of rehabilitation and coming together to turn a really bad situation into a loving family.

So please do not try and do a Rapid Evolution and discourage anyone you might hear talking about doing it. It really has a large chance not to end well.

#ranger rai #pokemon ranger #the ranger base #pokemon #ask me anything #ask me a question #sinnoh #sylvester #aggron #rai doodles #rapid evolution #dont take the easy way out for convenience

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cal-daisies-and-briars · 2 months ago

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Dividing into two asks this week!

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

And

📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖

Ahh yay thank you!

36 for 🚨:

---

He watches Buck’s eyes snap into focus, capturing his gaze.

“Chris…” He continues.

Buck starts shaking his head, like he knows what Eddie is going to say.

“Needs you,” Eddie finishes. “Chris… Needs you.”

And with that off his chest, Eddie gives into the enormity of his exhaustion.

🔸🔸🔸

He’s still covered in Eddie’s blood when Bobby finds him at the hospital.

Give him a million dollars, and Buck couldn’t tell you what he says to Bobby when he sees him. Or in the moments after. He is entirely unraveled. Entirely a mess. He is in no state to be anybody or anything. He feels like a heap of scraps on the floor.

Bobby is asking him questions but Buck can’t really answer. Captain Mehta does it for him.

“He’s kind of shut down,” Mehta says to Bobby.

“Eddie is his fiancé,” Bobby tells Mehta.

Metha sighs. “Shit.”

Bobby leads Buck to a washroom to clean the blood off his face.

“I-I-I couldn’t… He just…” Buck tries to explain. “He could be dead.”

Bobby shakes his head. “Listen to me, Buck. Eddie’s in surgery. They don’t operate on dead people. As long as he’s in there, he’s alive. So don’t count him out yet.”

“I can’t lose him,” Buck cries. “I can’t.”

“You haven’t yet,” Bobby says, gripping his shoulder hard.

---

36 for 📖:

---

Between her own work and Chim’s twenty-four hour shifts, she never has a chance to rest.

She needs help. And there have been so many times in her life when Maddie has made sacrifices to help him.

“Let me be there for you,” he begs her. “I know you’ll never ask. But just accept the help, Maddie. Please.”

Maddie pretty much breaks down at that. But she doesn’t fight him.

Buck takes time off work. He makes Maddie do the same. He talks to Chimney.. The three of them come up with a plan. He helps her book appointments with doctors. He goes on a research binge. Learns everything he can.

For two weeks, whenever Chim isn’t home with her, Buck is. He quickly learns how insanely difficult it is to take care of a baby. Boy, is that a wake up call. No wonder Maddie and Chim have frayed at the edges a little. He drives Maddie to appointments. He lets her sleep as much as she needs. He gives her the information he’s found online, so she can advocate for herself. He does everything he can. And so does Chim. But it’s not a quick process. And Buck has to remind his brain that no matter what they do, they can’t make this go away overnight.

On the bright side of it all, he gets to spend a hell of a lot of time with his niece. More than most uncles, at this stage in a kid’s life. She’s so little. So young. Not even six months old. Buck would’ve thought that was too young to really get a grasp on her personality, but he’s wrong. He knows she’s wary of strangers, but loves him. And that makes him feel good. She’s quick to cry if something startles her, but just as quick to laugh. She loves when he makes funny faces.

#daisies and briars writes #any other way fic

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steve-rambo-leaks · 10 months ago

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ＺＩＮＥ　ＣＯＮＴＥＳＴ　（ｗｉｔｈ　ｐｒｉｚｅ）（≧▽≦）

Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ａ　Ｚｉｎｅ　ｃｏｎｔｅｓｔ　ｆｒｏｍ　ＮＯＷ　ｕｎｔｉｌ　Ｆｅｂ　２４ｔｈ　（ａｕｔｉｓｍ　ｈｏｌｉｄａｙ）．　Ｐｌｓ　ｒｅａｄ　ｍｏｒｅ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｈｏｗ　ｔｏ　ｓｕｂｍｉｔ，　ｔｈｅ　ｐｒｉｚｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ｗｈｙ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｏ　ｈｙｐｅｄ．　

This is for BOTH people who consider themselves artists and those who don't. It doesn't have to be a comic. A ZINE CAN BE ANYTHING :D It can be a tech tutorial, it can be a comic, it can be flash fiction, it can be a local history guide, it can be Street Fighter II Turbo strategies printed out to be left in arcades, it can be anything!

The video below explains the process better than I could probably in text (I suck at conveying thing through text). My video also has a tl;dr that I would appreciate everyone read before submitting.

There's some other stuff below, but if you're more visual, like not the reading type (like me) then feel free to skip and just head to the video description to jump in.

Also, you may know me for my "Raspberry Pis are for paypigs" video where I try to advocate for the upcycling for ewasted Chromebooks.

I've been into the idea of leaving around Zines for a while. Every time I walk into a coffee shop or local business, I think "wow, I really would wish there was something cool to read." So I started making things to put there: 8 small 2.5 inch panels, folded into one 2.5 inch square for those interested to unravel. I put them inside of these origami boxes that a learned how to make, ones with a logo printed on them.

So far I've made: a zine template (I call it a dog ear zine for some reason), a template for the box to put them in, a zine about using yt-dlp, a zine about a reindeer working IT (along with a collaborator) and (coming soon) a zine about a monster in a cave doing stuff. All of the odg LibreOffice Draw template files to make your own zines or print out mine are on my archive.org page (linked at top of my Tumblr). I'd really like other people to try this 8 panel 2.5 inch zine format, and I'm willing to bribe people with sweet, sweet Gabe Newell bucks to do it. You can submit as many zines in this format as you want. Just make sure they're printed out and have pictures of both the front and back (plus other pictures if you want) . In the video I mentioned you can use my submit page, which is probably the easiest for me to keep track of. You can also use the #dogearzine hashtag to enter. Please read the video description before entering, though (which includes Youtube's and Tumblr's terms of service, though this is more of a youtube thing).

youtube

Also, and this is completely unrelated, there's a lot more to me than just the faux-clickbait Wojak thumbnails. I like doing tech, wrestling, japanese, vidya and other videos, but I love to throw art in whenever I can shoehorn it in. Like, the video where I go over inchworm, butterfly, colors 3D and flipnote sudomemo - colors 3D on a hacked 3DS was my sister's first experience with digital at (she's moved up to an iPad and Procreate). So, it hold a special place in might heart, as a lot of the things I talk about do. I made a Whomp video because I miss Ronnie. I made a Rockbox video because I wished more people used dedicated MP3 players and knew where and how to download music. I want to help people do interesting things. And I also want to thank anyone who read all of this. You are cool. I hope everyone who's able to can compete in this contest and challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zone, to try something new! Also, also, thanks for liking these posts, people on Tumblr. You all have cool blogs. (^o^)丿

#zine #contest #zine contest #youtube #zine template #archive.org #comic #challenge #fun #chromebook #raspberry pi #wojak #zine ideas #fun ideas #steam #Youtube

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basicrese · 1 year ago

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oh my gods i could cry right now, i really could.

so here's my reactions to the first two episodes of Percy Jackson and the Olympians (long post ahead):

Episode 1

To start, I know we've seen and heard this from the trailer and sneak peeks already but hearing the line for real from the first episode, oh I almost lost it right then and there. This has been YEARS in the making.

Baby percy already embodying the snark and sass from facial expressions and internal monologue alone, i love him

In a similar regard, I know we've already seen it from sneak peeks but the possible Blackjack cameo made me so happy 🥹

The portrayal of the mist is everything I wanted and more actually

Sally being a Medusa ally, i know that's right!!!!!

"appointment to see Mr. Kane?????" "at D'angelo's??????" They're making me go crazy because all these subtle name drops and I have no idea if they're just tiny easter eggs or if they mean something in the long run 😩😩

the design for Mrs. Dodds as a fury?????? absolutely amazing and I love how they carried that entire scene out; how she was there one moment and gone the next and that Percy didn't suddenly turn into this invincible warrior. It perfectly set up the suspiciousness of what just happened because it all happened so fast and there was no room for Percy to process what actually happened because suddenly no one even knows who she is. BUT YET there's a momentary flicker of guilt and hesitation in Grover's face and curiosity in Mr. Brunner's (just as it was written!). You can almost hear Percy's inner monologue doubting their words because it didn't add up to their body language but simultaneously doubting his narrative too because everyone is proving what he saw otherwise.

"I'm all wet now" as Sally, dripping wet because she had just been basking in the rain, goes to hug him. there is little to none seriousness in this child's body

"You fell in love with God? Like Jesus?" unseriousness.

the very intentional lighting during the goodbye scene in the way it only cast golden on half of Percy and Sally's faces

the depiction of Sally being crushed like ofc we know she's being held captive in the Underworld BUT PERCY DOESN'T AND HE THINKS HE JUST WATCHED HIS MOTHER DIE IN SUCH A BRUTAL WAY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES I COULD SOB LIKE THE WAY HE FOUGHT? THAT WAS ALL RAGE AND DESPAIR.

ngl Percy just dropping names left and right made me so anxious with the whole "names have power thing" HJGKLDSBSG had me going "don't say his name out loud!!" during the car scene

oh that end-credits was gorgeous. and the way it depicts the entire story even ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

the sneak peek of camp after the credits, we're about to eat!!!

i did not realize rick even cameoed until i saw it on twitter help

Episode 2

"You drool when you sleep." SCENE EVERYBODY CHEERED

Mr. D passed out while holding a can of coke is the only way he could have been introduced actually (and the first Peter Johnson!)

The Big House is so pretty???

The vulnerability in Percy's voice when he was asking for help to find his dad i can't do this 🧎🏻‍♀️

THE. CAMP. IT'S SO VAST AND BEAUTIFUL I COULD ONLY DREAM OF TIMES LIKE THESE IN THE PAST. also the way i'm taking it right now is that the cabins are already so gorgeous so when annabeth revamps the place by tlo? they are going to go crazier with the set design i fear

the supposed red herring on the scoring that makes you think luke is gonna bully percy but he's actually a good guy that'll be a mentor figure to him WHEN THAT IN FACT IS THE REAL RED HERRING LIKE IT'S THE GENIUS OVER GENIUS FOR ME

i was kinda lost on who the other guy with luke and percy was at first until i realized it was chris. he doesn't know what'll happen to him when the fourth season rolls around like laugh while u still can chris

percy already advocating for the unclaimed, he has always been a real one!!!

grover you sweet little satyr i need to give him a hug. the protector also needs to be protected 🥹

the way i could tell there would be an answer to the god of disappointment joke help; like they're quips to you percy but they will actually have answers to every rhetorical question you throw their way 😭😭

"ignoring me is one thing, but he doesn't get to ignore you." one thing about percy, his mother always comes first 🙏

i can't get enough over the gorgeous cinematography I CAN'T

dior embodies clarisse's pride and cruelty with such accuracy but she's so pretty i wanna forget how mean she is LMAO

the percabeth dynamics already going so strong i could cry, like that first interaction???

i love ms. annabeth chase so much she is everything to me, the poise! the confidence! the leadership!

the capture the flag sequences oh it was everything

"I am Sally Jackson's son!" EXACTLYYYY

overall, i am going through the motions and it has been absolutely beautiful so far and everything down to the cast, crew, production, set design, costume design, scoring, cinematography has been done immensely well. i can't believe we're actually here 🥹💙

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luckloveandwaterfalls · 1 year ago

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heloooo! hows life? and also, what jobs do you think the aouv crew would have?

Hello!! I'm so so sorry it took me this long to get around to answering, I started it and then promptly forgot it in my drafts for a really long time :/ This is a fun question to think about!

Alistair - I've seen people on here talking about how Alistair would be a writer post-canon, and I agree wholeheartedly. He's a natural storyteller and I think he would love the chance to channel that creativity without terrifying himself in the process. Also, the relative anonymity and privacy would be good for him in the aftermath of the tournament.

Isobel - Let my girl follow her dreams of going to fashion school! I think she'd be incredible at it and the deviation from the Macaslan "jobs" and spellmaking she's expected to follow would be good for her. Many years in the future, her designs become famous, which is perhaps the biggest fuck-you to Cormac (ppl hear Macaslan and they don't think of the "family business" anymore)

Gavin - He goes through a series of temporary jobs until Fergus is an adult so he can keep a roof above their heads, then once Fergus leaves Ilvernath for university he kind of flounders a bit. Eventually Gavin ends up leaving the city as well and gets a good job in land surveying—something with a physical, hands-on element that still requires a lot of intelligence and precision.

Briony - Everyone expects her to pursue politics or some other profession with a lot of publicity, but Briony surprises everyone by becoming an attorney. She'll never let go of her desire to help and save people, but she doesn't want to be associated with the Thorburns (minus Innes) anymore, and she's become less obsessed with the idea of being a hero. She gains a reputation for being a fierce advocate for her clients against injustice.

Finley - ???? Part of the reason why it took me so long to get to this ask was because I have no fucking clue what job Finley would have. This may be partially due to the fact that I am 100% convinced this poor boy will have the worst case of burnout post-canon that leads to several breakdowns. I also think he'll feel very aimless, because so much of his life has been about living up to expectations. Please chime in if anyone has ideas about what Finley would end up doing with his life, because I'm getting very hung up on the inevitable mental health issues in his immediate future.

Elionor - She becomes an engineer and specializes in integrating magick with otherwise mechanical designs. She barely makes it through her internship because of her attitude, but she becomes known for her creative and innovative work.

Carbry - Carbry becomes a professor. What better way to make a life out of learning, and bestowing it upon others? He does a lot of hands on research focusing on the history of curses and other magickal occurrences.

Hendry - For a while, Hendry isn't sure what he wants to do with his life, especially since he's never had any of the normal experiences that he's heard about up until this point. He encourages Alistair to pursue writing and tries out a few different paths before opening up a small indie bakery. He gets a few opportunities to expand but never takes them because he wants to keep it a warm, homelike setting where you can taste the love that went into every pastry.

Reid - Reid never writes another book. He keeps the MacTavish shop running, but years down the line, he moves more into the research aspect of cursemaking and develops some theories that he handles more responsibly than his previous experiments. Some of them get studied academically and developed into modern cursemaking/breaking advancements.

Diya - Of course I had to include her :) Diya rightfully tells the spellmaking society to fuck off and starts to do her own thing. Ten years down the line and she's known throughout Kendalle for being one of the best magickal fixers.

Thanks for the ask :) Please don't let the excruciating amount of time it took me to respond dissuade you from sending me more lmao, I love to talk about this series and my schedule seems to be a bit less hectic for the time being!

#all of us villains #all of our demise #aouv #aood #amanda foody #c. l. herman #alistair lowe #isobel macaslan #gavin grieve #briony thorburn #finley blair #elionor payne #carbry darrow #hendry lowe #reid mactavish #diya attwater-sharma #ask #i’m ignoring canon and pretending they all survive

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luverofralts · 8 months ago

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Arkhelios Adventures

Weeks had passed since Adam had last seen his boyfriend or visited the room where they'd been separated. So many times, Adam had walked down the hallway, intent on revisiting the room, only to chicken out at the last second. It was still too fresh to confront. No matter how much Adam wanted to be okay with what had happened, his brain just refused to move on.

But today was the day. Adam was going to go touch the crystal that he'd been working on when the incident happened. He wouldn't try to activate it or anything complex. Just touching it would be enough. Touching it would make the memories in his head go away permanently. It had to.

"Okay. You can do this. It's just a rock. It's just a room. Nothing bad will happen. Nothing bad will happen."

Adam took a hesitant step, but faltered. Entering the room would make it all real. It would mean that his life had changed, that Theo had been ripped away from him, that all the warnings adults had been throwing at him were real and could happen at any time. He could die at any time.

The doctors had told him repeatedly that he was lucky to be alive. Most people in his situation did die. The survival rate for what he'd been through was incredibly low. He was likely only alive because as Remy liked to point out, Theo had desperately tried to protect him from the demonic magic tearing through him. Adam never thought he'd hear his sister defend Theo and advocate for them to stay together. What she had seen that day must have been powerfully seared into her mind for her to be so adamant that Theo had done whatever he could to save him.

Adam wished that he could remember Theo helping him or anything else that might help him move on, but he couldn't recall much. Just the blinding pain and the feel of wings pass over his skin as he burned from the inside out.

Adam dropped to his knees, too overcome with fear to carry out his mission. He couldn't do it. It was too soon and he was too weak and the fear was too strong. What would happen now that Theo was gone? Could the crystal still be attuned to the nearly lethal energy it had absorbed weeks prior? What if he was injured again now that Theo wasn't around to help?

"Adam? Honey, are you alright? Have the headaches come back?"

Ewan Maricourt rushed to his son's side, only to be waved away by the teen. Truthfully, he'd been watching Adam from afar, waiting to see if his son was ready to confront what had happened. Seeing Adam try to enter the room had filled his father with hope that Adam was starting to heal emotionally from the accident. This set back didn't mean anything; the fact that Adam was willing to try was good enough for Ewan.

Adam sobbed, finally allowing his father to approach him. His pride didn't matter now that his brain was rebelling against doing the one thing Adam wanted it to. Who cared if anyone saw him crying with his dad? He couldn't even enter a stupid room.

"It's okay, you're safe," Ewan promised, pulling his son as close to him as he could. "You're doing so well and I couldn't be prouder of you. Things will change in time. You've got to give yourself both time and space to process your feelings. No one heals after just a couple of weeks. It takes time."

"Do...do you think I made a mistake dating Theo?" Adam asked, sobbing into his father's shirt. "I love him Dad, but-but"

"But you ignored the guidance of your elders," Ewan finished. "Us parents tell you things that you may not like, but they're usually from a place of experience. You'll understand it one day when you have children of your own. Do I like watching you disregard my advice and getting hurt in the process? Of course not, but I was once your age and I know, at least a little bit, how it feels to have young love. I'm not thrilled to hear how far your physical relationship with Theo has progressed or that you disregarded all warnings about blood magic and sex, but I understand. Your sister likes to tease me about my apparent inability to settle down with someone, but I was young once. I had boyfriends and girlfriends and one night stands. I dated people I thought I'd marry someday and lost them all. If you love this boy and you're meant to be together, then it will work out. I promised Evren that I would completely wipe this incident from my mind if Theo came back to us in control of himself and I intend to keep that promise. Granted, you won't be sharing a bedroom again in the future, but I will try my hardest to give Theo a second chance."

Adam's tears were slowing and Ewan slowly steered his son away from the crystal room.

"Of course, you don't have to keep dating him if you can't move past this. I support whatever decision you make. Take your time and rest, Adam. No one expects you to sort through all of this in an afternoon. Why don't you go to your room and take the afternoon off from class? You look tired."

Resting in the room he'd once shared with Theo seemed impossible. Theo's stuff was still there, as if he could come back at any minute. Evren had refused to pick up any of Theo's belongings despite Abe and Roman's wish to have them close to them while he was gone. Evren knew that the second Theo's things vanished, Edana would try to interfere and make it harder for Theo to return. Leaving his things in the room was a statement, one that declared that Theo would not be erased from the school. Theo was coming back to be reunited with his possessions, whether Edana liked it or not.

It was hard for Adam to concentrate in their shared room. Half of him wanted nothing more than for Theo to walk through that door right then, while the other half was afraid. The dull ache in his chest that had started the day Theo left was strongest in this room, surrounded by memories. It hurt to breathe with that ache weighing down his chest.

Adam closed his eyes, only to be startled when he opened them. Impossibly, another rip exposing the Void had opened, flashing maliciously in front of him.

"This isn't real. This isn't happening," Adam chanted to himself. "It's just a hallucination. If it was real, you could feel it. It's not real. It's not real."

Hallucinations were an unfortunate side effect of some of the medicinal potions he'd been prescribed to help him heal. It was yet another reason that Adam kept himself away from other people outside of class. There was always a chance that a hallucination could pop up at any time, exposing just how broken Adam had become.

"Hey, Adam. I've missed you."

To Adam's horror, an image of Theo appeared before him. Not Theo, but the Theo he last remembered seeing. A monster with golden eyes that were as piercing as they were haunting.

"No. No, you're not real. You're not Theo. Leave me alone."

The illusion shimmered slightly before it dissolved into a thousand pieces that disintegrated before Adam's eyes.

He may have been injured, but Adam still had his instincts. He knew how Theo felt in his arms, and no illusion could ever match that. The hallucinations were getting less frequent now that he had reduced the amount of potions he had to take. They weren't as strong as they had been when he'd first woken up after the incident. In those early days, Adam couldn't distinguish his mother from a nurse in the hospital and would frequently be found talking to someone only he could see. Edana had been livid at this and was sure to mention her feelings at every opportunity to staff. Remy told her twin that it was only through some smooth talking on their father's part that Edana had been allowed to stay.

Several people had asked about his connection to Theo, and Adam had lied to every one of them. It wasn't any of their business, even if they were treating him for a Theo related problem. If he closed his eyes and looked deep within himself, he could feel the familiar, but weak warmth of Theo's presence out there somewhere. It was too weak to glean anything about how Theo felt or where he was, but feeling the real Theo was helpful for identifying the hallucinations.

Eventually though, Theo would come back, and Adam needed to know how he felt about that before Theo walked in the front door.

Adam sighed heavily and climbed into his bed, trying to ignore the world around him. That was a problem for the future. For now, Adam was going to try to sleep, hoping that when he woke up, he'd be a step closer to figuring out what he was going to do about his boyfriend.

#sims 2 #arkhelios #adam darktide #ewan g maricourt #arkhelios adventures

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