#if everything is good on my exam results i don't even bother going back to show her

[frereamour]

it just confuses me because people are plenty able to understand that people are full of shit in every work field on earth. for a myriad of reasons. but when it comes to medicine somehow everything the people working in that field say must be the truth. why? i know they go about their oaths all the time, but lawyers and journalists take oaths too and no one thinks they're particularly trustworthy people. learn to tell your doctors 'wow that sounds like a load of bullshit, it sounds like you made that up to make me do what you want'.

[lapsthings]

I flunked my math paper again so here's how I think the blue glockers will do in ascending order (no glaze)

0-49%

Zantetsu Tsurugi 🤓

Sad thing is, he genuinely tried. He really gave it his all, immersing himself in study materials for the past week to ensure he was fully prepared. You could find him studying anywhere—whether in the cafeteria, passing through the halls, or even coming out of the toilet. He went to bed the night before confidently, walked into the exam hall confidently, sat down confidently, and handed in his paper confidently. When he received his paper back, he thought the big fat zero on the front meant he made zero mistakes

Igaguri Gurimu 🤡

Whines about studying, but ends up doing it because his parents forced him to. He grumbles as he picks up his book, pumps himself up for a motivational boost, but gives up after skimming the first page. Has the audacity to complain when he gets a failing grade

Gagamaru Gin 🐨

He lives in the forest, so Goatmaru was probably never exposed to the concept of education

Just kidding, surprisingly he does go to school, but my point still stands

Don Lorenzo 🧟

Sorry, bro grew up on the streets, he never went to school 💀. He picked up some basic numeracy from Snuffy, but that’s about it. Couldn’t care less though—you don't need to know about angles to count your cash, okay?

Raichi Jingo 💥

He forgot there was a test but somehow believes he can wing it. His overconfidence is bound to crash and burn when he gets his results back

Bachira Meguru 🐝

He casually picked up his textbook, flipped through all the pages, and called it a day

Charles Chevalier 😝

If someone doesn't specifically tell him to not study, he won’t even bother. Pretends to look up how to solve equations on YouTube, but he's really just watching Skibidi Toilet

Rin Itoshi ⚽

Surprise surprise, apparently he's only fluent in English and sucks at everything else

Otoya Eita 🥷

He’s got the potential to do well, but he’s too busy having fun with girls. Stealthy enough to copy off someone without the invigilator noticing, but gets caught anyway because he forgot to change up his workings

Kunigami Rensuke 🏋️ (post-wildcard)

He does not care 😭

Nanase Nijiro 😇

He gave his all in hopes of passing, but despite his best efforts, he fell short by a few marks :(

50-69%

Kiyora Jin 🍇🍬

He only puts in the bare minimum effort, so he barely makes the cut. Always hovering on the borderline between success and failure

Sendou Shuto 🩷

Goes like “Heh, I didn’t even study,” but the truth is he crammed everything the night before. Manages to pass though, good for him

Tokimitsu Aoshi 💪

He’s plagued by self-deprecating thoughts before, during, and after the exam. He's slightly more confident since his favorite subject is math, however his low self-esteem causes him to overthink, continuously changing his answers. Even after finishing, he’s constantly rechecking everything to avoid careless mistakes. Overwhelmed by anxiety when he gets his paper back, but lights up when he sees he got a decent grade

Aryu Jyubei ✨

He often stares at his study materials, but rarely does more than that. Instead of panicking about how under prepared he is, he’s too busy stressing over a big fat pimple on his forehead. Still ends up with a C…so not glam

70-79%

Niko Ikki 👀

He’d rather play Yu-Gi-Oh, but knows when to prioritize. He only puts in minimal effort, yet manages to get through because he’s a chad

Kurona Ranze 🦈

He sticks to recommended study methods and puts in the necessary effort, but still struggles with some concepts, resulting in a lower grade

Kunigami Rensuke 🏋️ (pre-wildcard)

He actually studies, even reaching out to others for help when he’s stuck. Unfortunately, he forgot to double-check his work and ended up with a lot of careless mistakes

Shidou Ryusei 😈

Huh? How did he end up here?

Hiori Yo 🎮

He doesn’t invest much time in studying, usually too busy being a #gamer. Despite this, he pays enough attention in class to get a good grade

Chigiri Hyoma 🐆💗

He pays attention in class and only studies to cover what he didn’t understand during lessons. Confident in his abilities, he doesn’t spend much time preparing for exams

80-100%

Oliver Aiku 🐍

Believe it or not, he actively listens in class and is disciplined when an exam is coming up. Very chill during the test, but instead of checking his work, he’s checking out girls

Alexis Ness 🪄

You cannot tell me he’s not a teacher's pet. He pays attention in class, completes his work diligently, and can be found in the library during lunch. He has a very organized study plan, so he avoids careless mistakes

Michael Kaiser 🌹💙

He’s smart enough to decipher complex formulas, dissecting problems before arriving at solutions using his own understanding. He truly is the goat

Yukimiya Kenyu 📸

Quite literally a model student. He’s a bit like Ness, but he also participates in group studies

Barou Shouei 👑

Of course, he gets good grades—he’s the king, after all, and he doesn’t settle for anything less. When asked about his study methods, or if he actually studies, he just tells them to piss off and walks away

Isagi Yoichi 🧩

He actually studies every day for about 30 minutes. He knows the key to math is consistent practice. Politely declines any invitations to hang out until exams are over

Nagi Seishiro 💤

Bro, how? He doesn’t study, sleeps in class, never does his homework. I guess he’s just cool like that

Karasu Tabito 🐦‍⬛♥️👑

Oh, Karasu, my beautiful, beautiful…

He’s an accomplished, well-rounded student who excels in every subject, including math, thanks to his determination to avoid mediocrity. His motivation and serious approach to his studies fuel his academic success

Sae Itoshi 😐

Unlike his brother, his academic success comes naturally to him—barely puts in work, barely breaks a sweat. I think it runs in the family

Reo Mikage 💳

You'd think he hired professional tutors, but he doesn't — he’s just that amazing

[rabbitsrants]

Could you tell me what's your opinion about kogoro,like you always appear like you hate kogoro that's why I wanted to know (whenever you mention him you tell that unbothered fuckin father) wanna know your opinion please answer my ask

fun question!

I LOVE KOGORO

with that being said, i have a very nuanced opinion on him

do i think he's a good detective, husband or father? NO, absolutely not. i don't even think he's a good guardian in regards to conan lol

kogoro can be very self-absorbed, impatient and superficial. his alcoholism and gambling addiction strain every aspect of his life, but kogoro doesn't seem to care enough to change

a few examples:

chapter 1

chapter 370

LIKE??? SHE HAS TO STUDY FOR HER MOCK EXAMS AND KOGORO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO GIVE A FUCK LOL

initially, i blamed his attitude on his lack of success as a detective. but he shows signs of being irresponsible in his youth as well, despite working for the police:

chapter 572

even after shinichi saves kogoro's career and introduces him to a lot of fame, kogoro shows no willingness to change. he's chronically self-indulgent:

chapter 853

on top of that, the rare times that ran asks him to do something for her, he acts like it's a complete burden:

chapter 528

ran asks him to watch eri's cat while she's in school and kogoro tries to pass the responsibility on to conan

speaking of conan, kogoro repeatedly gets violent with him when he's investigating alongside him

chapter 12

the reason why it appears like i hate him is because my posts are mainly about shinran and interestingly enough, gosho decided to write kogoro as shinichi's polar opposite in a lot of ways. which he even admits in his own writing:

chapter 163

it's evidently a writing choice that gosho decided to go for on purpose. and i think that's fucking brilliant. think about it: ran growing up with an irresponsible, unreliable dad who often prioritizes drinking and gambling over his own daughter? and that same girl falling in love with a guy who's incredibly dependable, attentive, selfless and everything her father is not? IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

so whenever i analyze certain shinran moments, it becomes glaringly obvious to me that shinichi often acts like an anti-kogoro, so to speak.

examples i already mentioned in my acts of service post: kogoro refusing to help ran - shinichi stepping up as a result in chapter 457 and 716.

additional examples:

chapter 192

kogoro drops off ran at this weird, isolated mansion for a meeting that sonoko arranged with a bunch of strangers online and he feels off about the whole thing and i'm like YES LOVE THAT, SHOWING GREAT PARENTAL INSTINCTS

he even warns one of the guys and i'm like YEAH YOU'RE BEING A GOOD DAD, LETS GO KOGORO

naturally, shinichi feels weird about the situation as well, so he insists on staying with his girl, even though it's already been discussed that he's too sick:

so, despite the fact that a) kogoro feels like something is odd about the meeting, b) he warns the guy to leave ran tf alone... HE STILL LEAVES HER AT THE MANSION UNPROTECTED

and i'm like... WHY????? and gosho immediately answers my question:

LIKE????????????????????? talk about bad parenting lol

anyway, turns out something about the meeting was indeed off and ran is potentially in danger. both shin and kogoro lose their shit:

but there's a key difference between kogoro and shinichi and i feel like gosho wrote this difference on purpose - nothing, and i mean absolutely NOTHING will ever stop shinichi from trying to keep ran safe:

ONE MORE EXAMPLE

chapter 347-349

the case barely even begins and shinichi immediately observes that ran isn't feeling well:

he even tries to convince her to ditch dinner and go back home:

when shit starts hitting the fan and ran is getting incredibly dizzy, kogoro doesn't even notice:

again, maybe i'm reading too much into it, but i think the fact that gosho depicts kogoro's ignorance in this situation is 100% by design and as a result shinichi gets to be the anti-kogoro again:

throughout the whole case shinichi worries about ran and tries to take care of her. which is very impressive considering that ran constantly tries to downplay her symptoms:

examples like this occur way too often for me to write them off as a coincidence. we're clearly dealing with a pattern. how could i not point that out in my analysis? especially when shinichi's unwavering loyalty towards ran is something that she gushes about constantly?

with all that being said, just because i regurarly point out kogoro's flaws as a dad, doesn't mean i hate him. it's just that i aim to reach a full, comprehensive conclusion with every analysis i write and that entails important details like the glaring differences between shinichi and kogoro regarding their treatment of ran.

i still adore kogoro. cause like i said, there's nuance. i feel like there's a lot of hidden depth behind kogoro's character that i wish gosho explored more:

he's smarter than people think

chapter 11

HE'S THE FIRST PERSON TO QUESTION CONAN'S REAL IDENTITY, EVEN BEFORE RAN:

chapter 165

to everyone's suprise, kogoro deducts that eri lost her wedding ring and he goes out of his way to find it for her:

there are more examples of him showing decent detective skills during certain cases but this post is already long enough lol so i'm not getting into that

he can be very idealistic

chapter 86

him holding an old and dear friend accountable for murdering someone:

chapter 376

him doing the same again with a childhood friend:

HE HAS HIS MOMENTS, OKAY?!

chapter 266

I LOVE IT when kogoro shows his vulnerable side, i find it so heartwarming:

chapter 986

OR HIS BADASS SIDE (this is him protecting eri from a guy who's about to sexually assault her)

WHAT A KING

and even though i shit on his parenting a lot he can be very endearing at times! examples:

chapter 207

his reaction to ran dreaming about the one time that shinichi asked her to give him her bra (it was for a case lol)

chapter 254

MY FAVORITE KOGORO MOMENT:

it's a small but incredibly touching gesture and i love him so much for moments like this

chapter 255

HE CAN BE SO SUPPORTIVE AND SWEET

chapter 765

even though i criticized him for his treatment of conan earlier, shinichi and kogoro have their moments as well. the ramen case is one of my favorite moments between them, it's just so wholesome!

this case is giving dad and son-in-law eneregy!

to sum up my very long response: kogoro is an overall shitty person but he can be very smart, idealistic and sweet and i wish gosho explored those aspects of his character more, cause i feel like he gets sidelined a lot. he often uses kogoro for comedic relief which is fair to a certain extent cause kogoro is HILARIOUS and makes me laugh all the time but gosho keeps giving the bigger and more meaningful plotlines to characters that I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT (looking at you amuro) and i think that's a fucking shame cause kogoro has a lot of potential

hope that answers your question! :)

visit the shinran library for more

[olivianyx]

I didn't knew u were a respawner! That's so cool, I've been on my respawn journey for like 1-2 months, I hope this is okay to ask but how is your respawning routine? Currently I am taking a break but I would love to hear abt your respawning journey so far :>

Heyy! I'm glad I find many people who are into respawning! Actually mine's a long ass story and you might wonder how am I even doing fine to this day 😭

Okay so long story short, let's begin.

Back in 2022, I discovered shifting. After finding out about loa in 2021, I was anticipated to shift realities just to escape this one. I hated being here. I was suffering with depression, bi polar, avpd, anxiety and maladaptive daydreaming, and I was from a toxic household with narcissistic, toxic and strict parents and fake af friends. It was really hard for me to even open up to somebody. It was hard for me to handle (actually I'm tearing up rn while I type this... Especially those traumas are the worst thing I ever experienced)

When I started my research about shifting, I got into amino. I saw the word 'respawn' and I was like tf is this?? I thought it was some gaming shit and then when I researched it on amino, I really wanted to go away from here and be happier than ever. I wanted to be in peace and do whatever I want in my reality. And no one should judge or stop me from getting what I want. I quickly scripted the place I wanna respawn, and other stuffs. I decided that I will get tf outta here.

Well because I had a reason that I'll respawn, I completely ignored my 3D circumstances. Like I stopped taking care of myself, stopped talking to people around me, stopped studying, stopped doing everything. I just was desperately trying to respawn every night telling myself that I will.

When in fact I was wasting my time and energy into lack. I almost didn't study for my finals and wrote the exams and hope that I'd respawn before my results will be declared. I used to keep time crunches to respawn, and when I didn't, I used to get so depressed, that I attempted to take my own life for the first time ever back in may 2022.

My brother accidentally entered my room and saved me from doing that. When I say I've almost attempted to take my own life for like 10+ times that same year, I still didn't give up. My exam results came and I luckily passed my exams.

So after all these I decided to give a break for 3 months completely for my own mental health. Ik my journey for 2 years wasn't smooth, it was full of ups and downs, and it messed my mental health up. I wasn't even using loassumption in a proper manner at that time. Ngl, I was so damn desperate for manifesting even the smallest stuff (I just wanna time travel back in time and slap the shit outta that version of me that I was back then 💀)

So when I got into a medical university in 2023 January, I completely forgot about respawning for a while. And again in October 2023, I logged into Tumblr, and became friends with one of the respawner Julie. She was so sweet, that she even answered every stupid doubts of mine (God give me Julie's patience 🗣️🗣️) she had respawned back in October 2023.

She was the one who told me 'SELF CONCEPT IS THE KEY!' so I started working on my self concept for like 1 and a half-ish months.... Well, I wasn't even perfect with it, but I tried. I did many challenges but the meraskii one had a good effect on my mindset. So last Christmas, I even learnt about the void (I hate implying it as void, I'd rather say it as I AM state) I wanted to enter it so bad.

I just did my affs, persisted in it, and listened to subs, and on Christmas Eve, I got into it successfully.

This year, I find respawning a very relaxing topic. Like I don't even get bothered by it. I know I'm already where I wanna be. And don't worry, my mental health has been good for a few days now. I was thinking of changing my script, so for the past 2 months, I've been scripting my new reality, well still it's only half way done hehe.

By the end of this month, I'm planning on respawning through the void. So till then I just wanna be thankful for everything here and enjoy every moment here without regrets.

Everybody's journey is different. All you have to do is embody your desired state. You just have to be the version of you having your desires. Be the one who already has it. For me, that took 3 years to click. I just had to relax and give myself in. Let go and enjoy the fact that I already have my desires in the 4d.

Ig this helped... any further doubts, you can ask me! Lots of luv 🤍🤍🤍🤍

- olivia 🤍

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi dani, here for a little rant, guidance and motivation and advice.

so I think something's wrong with me. i just.. it's difficult to describe it so I'm going to borrow words from a post I came across: "Can we agree that the worst feeling is when you're sitting around, consciously procrastinating, acutely aware that each passing second is more time wasted? You watch hours go by, still unable to stop procrastinating, while your panicked brain feels trapped inside a body that refuses to be productive. Inside, you're screaming, but outwardly, you're just eating chips."

im not studying, my academic life is being ruined by my own hands and I'm not stopping it. i don't know what has happened to me, i wasn't like this even until last year, I wasn't a topper student who used to study consistently hours everyday but during exam time I was serious and used to study sincerely. nowadays I've stopped studying even when the exam is the next fucking day. like I'm sitting here, zoning out of maybe scrolling through my phone unable to just stop myself and study. when I sit down to study i usually am able to focus only for a few minutes and then get distracted again and the fact that I'm doing it consciously like i know I have an exam tomorrow I know I have to study or else I'll fail I KNOW all this but I'm just unable to like do it. this applies to a few other things in my life as well. im taking the example of something which regularly happens to me: i know I have to brush my hair, take care of it. I had really thick hair but now because of neglect I'm suffering from really bad hair fall. i know this yet I'm not doing anything about. internally in my mind i scream at myself to stop all this and just do the things I'm supposed to but i simply don't. it's like I've lost ability to card about stuff or something. before my exams it's like I dont give a fuck about it. when we get the results I'm really really upset because I'm better than this, I AM I SWEAR but then that motivation to do better is again short lived. it dies. suddenly in the middle of the day I'll get the urge and motivation that yes I'll work hard, study hard and return to my previous condition of perfect grades. then it dies again.

im ruining my life i feel. i do my exta curricular and EVERYTHING APART FROM ACADEMICS with diligence then why when it comes to the thing that matters the most do i fail? and it's not even like I don't want to study or i don't want to study the particular stream I've chosen. and i know education is so important and i want to accomplish something in life and yet...

I dont know what to do. mindless scrolling, procrastination and everything that comes with it has become my life now. i want to go back to the previous me when I was sincere towards academics.

and the worst part of all? I'm such a fucking disappointment to my parents. imagine having a daughter who went from getting straight As to struggling to pass? and the fact that I'm truly capable of doing well and amazing but I'm just wasting it. and I dont know what I should do to break the cycle and actually stick to it. because it is a truly strong possibility that I'll do it for a day or 2 but stop from the 3rd. i know it. i just do. at this point I'm just wondering what would happen if I just you know...died? like idk what difference would it make.

please I need help. i don't have anyone i could have said this to. my parents won't understand. i don't want to be like this. i just don't 😞

sorry for bothering you with this

Hey, thank you for sharing all of this with me. It's hard to look at yourself, realize something's off, and not know how to fix it. But here's the good thing - there is always something good, I promise - you still want to get back out there. The fact that you're aware and want to do something about this is a great start.

Some thoughts, in case it helps:

You mentioned scrolling a lot and procrastinating, and if both are connected - like you're procrastinating by being on your phone - that's definitely something to address. I'm not saying to get rid of your phone completely but try physically removing it from where you study. I used to give my phone to someone else (my mom, for example) and ask them not to give it back until I was done studying for a couple of hours. It helped because I couldn't reach for it out of habit. Having the phone out of sight, and knowing I'd have to walk a distance to get it back, made it easier to focus.

Treat it like a reward system: study for two hours, then give yourself 15 minutes on social media. That way, you're balancing focus with breaks and not diving headfirst into a distraction.

2. Don’t aim to get back to your A+ self immediately. If you're a C- student now, focus on getting to a C+ or a B. Break it down into smaller, achievable steps. Aiming for the top all at once can feel overwhelming, and when something feels too big, it’s hard to get motivated for it. So take smaller, manageable steps. Each improvement will build momentum.

3. You said it’s not that you don’t like the subject, which is great, but maybe the way you're studying has gotten stale. Try changing things up. You could study with a friend, watch tutorials, or try private tutoring. Even just moving to a different location to study or using a new method (like flashcards or teaching the material to someone else) might help remind you that you are good at this. Sometimes, doing the same thing repeatedly makes it harder to stay engaged, so switch up your approach.

Finally, you mentioned more than just studying - like the hair care thing - and if this lack of motivation is spilling into other areas of your life (hygiene, chores, etc.), it might help to talk to someone. Whether it’s a trusted person or a professional, reaching out is a really smart move. It doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you, but sometimes getting help from an outside perspective can make a big difference.

I'm really glad you've recognized that something isn't quite right, and that you're taking steps to fix it. It's a process, but you're already on the way. Just take it day by day, one small step at a time. And remember, the goal isn't just to go back to where you were; it’s to find a version of yourself that makes you happy. Whatever that looks like, I believe you can get there.

Sending motivation and love!

[philcoulsonismyhero]

I'm having a weird brain week because the old family shit has been stirred up, so I guess I'm rambling about it on here.

So (bear with me) I reinstalled my old LEGO HP games because I was getting bored of the superhero ones I've been playing and LEGO games are pretty much the only video games I can ever be bothered with, and hoo boy. (And I don't even mean the whole issue of 'the creator of this thing I still can't help but care about hates people like me now', I can mostly deal with that these days by just not putting any money anywhere near her direction and not engaging publicly with her work.)

Sometimes there's that one fictional character that was really important to you when a bunch of shit was going down in your life and so they end up intrinsically linked to that shit in your brain, and for me that's Lupin. Every time I go back to HP, I end up going back to obsessing over that guy, and more often than not it dredges up everything that I used him as a coping mechanism for. And this time it very much has.

Long story short-ish, I was 15 when my parents sat me and my sisters down and told us they were getting divorced. It was November, and that was the year that I was sitting my Highers, which at that point were the exams that your uni application would depend on the results of, i.e. the exams that at a private school obsessed with academic results you end up believing are going to determine the rest of your life. I was doing six, you're usually supposed to do a maximum of five, so I had no free periods and a reputation as Probably The Smartest Kid In My Year to uphold. So my parents told me they were getting divorced and I dealt with that by just putting my head down and Getting On With Things, because school was the thing I was good at, and had to be good at. (I got straight As, three subject prizes and Dux of School that year. Fuck you, circumstances.)

To be completely honest, despite the myriad of new stresses it caused, the divorce was kind of a relief because it had been inevitable. I have a very distinct memory of being quite a bit younger that 15 and standing in the kitchen by the doors through to the dining room and listening to my parents shouting at each other in there, and turning to my younger sisters and saying "This is going to end up in divorce." I can only remember a fraction of what went down in the years that led up to it, and not even half the reasons for them splitting up, but there was a lot of shouting when I was a young teen/pre-teen. I spent a couple of years being the shoulder that my mum cried on, and the person that my dad complained to about my mum, and I was about 13 and knew fuck-all about anything except for the fact that someone had to be the sensible one around here and try and mediate a bit. I was the oldest, the younger two shouldn't have to deal with All That, and the last thing we needed was anything or anyone introducing More Drama into the situation. I got bullied at school and I don't think I ever mentioned it to my parents. I do remember emailing one of those support services about the bullying, though, which I have to remind myself every time I think back and I'm like 'but it wasn't That Bad, was it?' I got deliberately tripped on the stairs once. Fortunately both of those assholes grew out of it in a year or two, and I finally stopped being in classes with one of them, although I never managed to get rid of the other guy. Trounced him in the final year physics exam, though, and boy did that feel good after years of "girls can't do physics".

Anyway. Being fifteen sucked, but I was good at school. And I was Sensible, and I didn't get into any of that Teen Drama that fiction and society both seemed convinced was inevitable, I did well in my exams, I didn't make a fuss about anything, I kept my head down and Got On With Things, and then two years into uni I crashed and burned dramatically because turns out I'm autistic and don't deal very well with new situations and never learned how to ask for help *jazz hands*

All this to say, 15 year old me took one look at Remus Lupin, designated Sensible Adult In The Room who was always the one helping other people and being Understanding and never complaining too much about his own situation despite everything always seeming to collapse around him and went ah. That one. That character would Understand. Plus, he was an adult who treated the teenagers with respect while also always being clearly aware that they were still kids and there were some things that they shouldn't have to deal with, and. I had emotions about that. I was never hugely interested in the fandom version of the guy as a teenager, I never got particularly invested in stories about teenagers because I never felt like one myself, but the adult version? He was the crutch that got me through Being Fifteen.

And now I'm 27 and most of the time I'm Fine but every so often (often in November, but not always) this stuff comes back to bite me and I look at all the characters that I care about the most and they're folks like Obi-Wan or Lupin or Hotch or Ironwood, people who are stuck being Sensible or In Charge or both and sometimes end up cracking under the weight of it all and it's like. Yeah. Yeah, I guess all that did fuck me up. And at least now I'm engaging more with characters who get to be angry about their situations. I'm still really bad about being angry about things, it's an emotion I really struggle to express because I associate it so much with a whole lot of shouting that just makes a mess and takes forever to actually achieve anything. I think I'm angry about a lot of things, but part of me is always like 'yeah, but what's The Point, it's not like getting angry now will change anything that happened'. So I just don't. I stall out before I get anywhere. But the characters that I write, both in fic and my own original stuff, are starting to get to Lose Their Shit. I'm getting a little better at secondhand catharsis. It's a baby step, but it's something.

I don't think I'm going to write any of it because engaging to that degree with HP isn't something I want to do anymore, but I could write so much fanfic where Lupin gets to actually get mad about his situation. Where he gets to shout about all the shit he's been put through, all the friends he's lost and all the prejudice and injustice he's faced and how he's tired of being the calm and sensible one who helps everyone else and never gets any acknowledgement from those people about his own struggles. Some of it would be projecting, some of it would be just having an outside perspective on the story that he's in and the way it treated him and how it was bullshit and how that makes me mad because he Deserved Better. How his story ended up being about his own insecurities and how he should just get over them rather than the colossal injustice he'd faced his entire life and the fact that he shouldn't have to be just resigned to it, he should be allowed to get angry and to try and do something about it.

I don't think I'm going to write it, but thinking about it has helped a bit, even though thinking about Lupin was what landed me in the Brain Weird place in the first place. Sometimes you've just got to get angry on behalf of a fictional character because that way you can sidle up to getting angry on your own behalf. Try it out a bit. I don't know. I don't know if any of this is productive or just an exercise in being maudlin, but I guess I'm having the yearly breakdown about Family Shit a bit early this year and it probably doesn't hurt to dust off an old coping mechanism and see if it helps at all.

And at least this time I've gotten another original fiction idea out of it, so I guess that's something. I'll probably talk about that a bit soon, it's a fun one, and I'm slowly working out how to properly use it to get into the fact that to me werewolves are almost always a metaphor for repressed anger and being scared of the mess that you'll make if you let it out. They're a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me, thanks to Lupin and all the personal shit from my life that he got tangled up in, they're that.

And speaking of dealing with repressed anger, I should probably go and rewatch the scene from the penultimate Ted Lasso episode that absolutely wrecked me, which was the one where Ted finally has a proper go at his mum. Because I felt that one in my bones, although in my case it's my dad that I could do with repeatedly saying 'fuck you' to. Blargh. That was definitely the thing that primed me for the descent into Lupin nonsense, that's for sure. Fiction, man. It'll do things to you.

It's nearly 6 in the morning and I should probably attempt sleep, I guess. Thanks for reading if you got this far, this was just a brain dump because sometimes you just need to Put The Thing In Words, whether it's coherent or not, and throw it out into the void.

[diorbabe66]

Hey babe so I got results..

I've been doing the I AM challenge for like a month now.

- my self concept has been improving every day,I don't spiral anymore and even when I have breakdowns ,which is not as regularly as before, I just affirm through it. I still manifest even though sometimes I have doubts.

- I have cancelled classes so many times. I'm in uni doing medical lab science and I've been cancelling a maximum of 3 classes every week. This is so easy for me even when my mindset was bad last year I still easily cancelled.

- cancelled clinical rotations for an entire semester. The managers at the hospital were so rude to us so I cancelled it. While manifesting this I cried alot had breakdowns everyday I spiralled and I still manifested. They also had extremely strict rules, we'd have to spend alot of money to meet their demands 😭 and I wasn't ready for that BS.

- I cured myself of amoeba and recently a cold. For amoeba every time I'd start feeling pain I'd just affirm I am god took me about 1-2 weeks and mind you I didn't go to the hospital or anything, I didn't even tell anyone I was sick. For the cold I just affirmed once I am god while holding my nose and the next day I was fully healed.

- changed the weather. I stopped rain by affirming I am god and 20 minutes later it stopped then affirmed for a warm weather and later in the day it was warm.

- good grades and being able to answer questions easily. So during exams I'd just affirm I am god and my grades have improved drastically and then during classes I tend to zone out so anytime the lecture thinks he's caught me off guard I easily answer the question. This one time at the lab we were making thin films and I still couldn't do it right but everytime I did it wrong I'd just say mine is perfect , I got this, so after a few trials I did it and both the lectures invigilating us said mine was perfect and then told me to do 3 more and they were all perfect.

- manifested a text from a friend, so I was feeling so lonely and affirmed a few times and she texted me.

- I want the intimidating kind of beauty and my roommate said I look angry.

- one of my friends always compliments me tells me how beautiful I am that she'd kiss me, and then another friend said she finds me sexy and she'd 🔞 me, I also came out to my text friend that I'm bi something I've never told anyone

- I've also been having dreams of my desires. I have been craving piercings and I dreamt of nipple piercings that I'm so obsessed with, nose and upper lip. So I'm dark skin and I've been obsessing over white tattoos and I dreamt of it though I don't exactly remember and then I saw a TikTok of this henna artist experimenting with lotion and it was exactly how I want the tattoo to be like.

- Manifesting lights back instantly.

- I've also been speaking up for myself lately. I just ask myself would god just keep quiet and let people walk over her, no then I should speak up. I also tell myself closed mouths don't get fed.

- I've been feeling sexy and I've been loving myself so much though it's not every day but I don't spiral or call myself ugly anymore. Right now I can look at myself in the mirror and love my body. I have hyperpigmentation but It doesn't bother me anymore. I tell myself I'm a divine feminine goddess in the mirror every day.

- I've also been able to visualize vividly which was completely impossible before. Though I don't visualize everything I just visualize me being in my skyrise apartment and that signifies that I have everything I want.

There's more but I've forgotten. I decided to stop cancelling classes every week and just manifest graduating I'm in my second year btw and I've been obsessing over the how but everytime I remind myself of all I've manifested and I regain the confidence in myself. I've also realized that I manifest more under pressure, like the clinical rotations one I had 2 days to manifest it and I still pushed through, cancelling classes I'd do it about 1-1/2 hour to class, I mean I easily manifest when in anxious, though not all the time.

Everytime I feel like I'm overcomplicating this I just remember the story of Neville being told by Abdullah that he is in Barbados. I have never read of Neville Goddard's works or even listened to his lectures but this story just feels right, I've also never read of any manifestation book because my attention span can't handle all those big big words. So every time I feel like I'm doing it wrong I just remember this and I think of me being in me apartment. I've also formed the habit of asking myself what I'd do today if I was living my dream life. So say today's a Monday of just wake up at about 9am in my very comfortable big bed make myself breakfast fit for a queen, have it in my large balcony that's facing a magical waterfall, then I'd take a shower in my en suite bathroom, for my fit of the day I go to Pinterest and whatever fit and jewelry pleases me I go with it, then I'd get a headache from deciding what car I'd take today, I don't have to carry money since I receive large sums of money every second, I go to a painting class just because, paint the most beautiful art 🎨 and having everyone compliment me knowing very much I do everything perfectly, maybe wine tasting after that or whatever and I get back to my apartment late night, take a shower, go to bed or maybe watch a movie or even star gaze thinking about how perfect I am. I'd end the day with saying I might go visit the water fall tomorrow and take a dip naked and then decide which tune I'll hum at the waterfall because the trees and animals deserve to listen to my magical voice and maybe I'll entrance a beautiful woman there with my voice, hmm to be a goddess roaming the earth and have everyone falling for me and having the unquenchable thirst to please me and only me in all ways😩.

Also can I be magical anon. I'll be giving more updates 💋.

OMG I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AHHHHHH AND YES U CAN

[1800-omi]

scared.

characters: sakusa x reader

warnings/genre: liberal use of italics, female reader, swearing, angst, fluff

notes: i tried to proof read as much as possible i swear

Saying Sakusa Kiyoomi was good-looking was an understatement. Everything — from his soft skin to the way his perfect black curls fell on his forehead to his deep brown eyes — looked amazing on him. From that description alone one might say Kiyoomi is feminine, but his well built body and strong jaw say otherwise. He was pretty. Perfect balance between masculine and feminine. With that said, you couldn’t understand how Sakusa Kiyoomi had eyes for you when everyone else had eyes for him.

In fact, Kiyoomi not only had the looks, but he had the smarts too. He had perfect grades, had won so many awards, so many certificates. He had been at the top of his class ever since primary school. You weren’t sure whether there was something he has not achieved. He is the golden boy every family wanted, so when your family found out you were dating him you could say they were more than pleased.

Having known him for more than 3 years and having dated him for 2 years, you knew that being Sakusa Kiyoomi’s partner wasn’t easy. To others, you weren’t Y/N, you were Sakusa’s girlfriend. The perfect girlfriend for the perfect boy, always by his side, always supporting him. This was not necessarily a bad thing, but at times you thought whether you’d ever be more than just someone’s girlfriend. Not to mention, were you just an accessory to him too? When with him, you had this terrible desire to be loved, and still there was a horrible fear of being left behind.

Once again, you decide to put all these thoughts and insecurities aside. Letting out a soft sigh, you open the door of the café you were supposed to be meeting your boyfriend. The edge of the door shakes a little bell, causing it to ring, alerting the people in the café that someone has entered. You look around the place, eyes searching for your boyfriend.

The café was decorated beautifully, with big lilac plants planted in vases placed at the corners of the room. Each table had a little vase with a small flower on it, you never were sure whether all of them were real or not. The metal chairs were each coloured differently and looked quite vintage, each of them had a cushion placed on top of it, to make it more comfortable. The pastry and desserts the café offered also smelled wonderful. This place calmed your nerves the moment you stepped in which is why it was your favourite place to spend time in.

Looking around the café, you see Kiyoomi sitting at your usual place, at the corner. You make your way to the table he’s sitting at and sit in front of him.

“Hello, love,” he says the moment you take a seat, “how was your day?”

You take your bag off and put it on the empty chair beside you. “My day was good. I'm quite tired, though.”

“Not getting proper sleep again?” he raised an eyebrow, “you do know that's not healthy, right?”

Another thing Sakusa Kiyoomi likes to do is make sure you’re living as much of a healthy and perfect life as he is. You knew he did this out of love but sometimes you couldn't help but feel as if you couldn't keep up with him and his perfect lifestyle.

“Yes, I know. Don’t worry, I did get sleep, I just didn't get my daily coffee today.” That was a lie. You were up all night studying for your exams. The exams you have not studied nearly enough for because of the responsibilities that came with being the cheerleader’s captain.

“That’s good then.” A waitress walked to the table you were sitting in, placing two coffees and two slices of cake on it, one for each of you. “I ordered for us, I hope you don't mind.” He says and he removes his mask getting ready to sip his coffee.

“Thank you, you always know what I like.” you smile at him before looking down at your slice of cake, grabbing a fork and begging to eat it.

You see Kiyoomi grab his phone and swipe a few times all before opening his mouth and saying. “The exam results are out.”

With that, you feel your stomach turn and you get hit by a sudden wave of anxiety. You are not sure whether or not you want to check your results right now. You know you did not do well, but you can't just stand there staring at your cake either. You slowly pick up your phone, hands slightly shaking. Kiyoomi doesn't notice this, actually, he does not know this side of you at all.

He sees you swipe a couple of times, all before freezing and gulping. You’re praying he doesn't ask about your grade, so you try to ask him questions instead. “So, what did you get?” you put your phone down and put both your hands on your lap, playing with your fingers under the table.

“Maximum points, as usual,” he answers, making your stomach feel even sicker.

“That’s amazing! Congratulation—”

“What about you?” he interrupts you, his dark brown eyes staring into yours.

“I did, um, I did alright!” you stutter, forcing a smile at him. You were proud of your grade, but you knew he would not feel the same. It wasn't even his opinion on his grade that mattered to you, it was the fact he did better than you. You used all the free time you had for studying, you truly gave it your all, and yet here you are, second, again.

“Let me check.” before you could protest, he grabs your phone.

“No, Kiyoomi, ” by the time the words left your mouth he’s already swiped a couple times.

He opens his mouth and lets out a soft sigh, a soft sigh that almost went unnoticed by you. “You know, I’m gonna need to tutor you more often.”

Here he goes, once again, making your heart ache. Making you feel so small, so useless, so ashamed. He does not know that you were expecting way worse. He does not know that if you didn't have him, you would be way happier with your results. To him, your efforts are small, so, so small. This feeling has been going on for years now, you can’t remember whether there was ever a time where you didn't feel like the second-best beside him. He made you feel so pathetic, it made you angry and unbearably sad.

“Actually, no, I don't think I need your tutoring. I did quite well.”

“I know you did, but you could’ve done better.”

“Oh? Well, I didn’t and I’m proud of my results.” You raised your voice slightly. Your tone made it seem like you were trying to prove something wrong even though there was nothing to prove him wrong.

He could sense you were mad at him and he didn’t even know why, which made him angry too. “What’s with the attitude? It’s not my fault you didn’t study. You literally had weeks to do it.”

That did it. You were at the edge of breaking. “You know what? You’re right, it’s not your fault. I was the one wasting time coming to all your games and getting your cheerleading squad ready. I was the one wasting time supporting you and your dumb fucking team.” At the end of the sentence, your voice broke and your vision was getting blurry by your tears. By now, everyone else in the café was staring at the argument go down. “Next time, I won’t even fucking bother.” You grabbed your bag and rushed out the door, trying to sob as quietly as possible.

His eyes had widened at your response. He put his head on his hands and whispered, “Fuck, I messed up.”

It had been two weeks since you last talked to Kiyoomi and there was not a day that passed in which you had not thought of your fight with him. Whenever you thought about what went down you felt sick. Yet here you are, sitting on your desk, homework waiting to be finished in front of you while you think about it again. All Kiyoomi was trying to do was help you, how could you be so selfish? How could you let your jealousy take over? Your failures are not his fault. You should’ve just studied, but you’re so fucking useless you can't even do that properly. Regret and anxiety had consumed you. Seeing him in the hallways of the school didn't help. You weren't sure what was going on with your relationship anymore, is he breaking up with you? Once again you were dragged away from these thoughts by the sound of knocking on your bedroom door. You shake your head, trying to make yourself sound as normal as possible before talking, “Come in!” you say, looking back at the homework in front of you.

“Hey, ” You’re shocked to hear a voice that didn't belong to any of your family members. You turn around to see Kiyoomi. “Your mom told me to come up, sorry if I'm interrupting.”

“No, it's alright.” you stay quiet, not sure whether you're gonna continue this conversation normally or not. Should you apologise? Should he be the one to apologise?

“I’m sorry,” Kiyoomi speaks up and continues before you can reply. “Can I sit down?” You nod and get up from your desk as he sits down on your bed. You sit down next to him and speak.

“ 'm sorry as well.”

“No, you don't have anything to apologise for. I shouldn't have said what I said.”

“No, you don't understand, it's my fault. I, ” you start tearing up, “I was so selfish and I was jealous and, and–”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Of everything! I mean, you’re so perfect and you achieve everything you want to and I’m just so terrified of being left behind. I'm so terrified of always being second.”

“Love,” he pulled you into his arms, making you start sobbing.

“And I’m sorry I’ve been so selfish. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better girlfriend, I’m so sorry.” You manage to get out through the sobs. “It’s just that these thoughts have been hurting me so, so much. I don’t think I can take it.”

He kept hugging you as he answered. “Love, I couldn’t have asked for a better girlfriend. You’re always so supportive and I know you always try your best.” He placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m sorry for making you feel this way. Please know that to me, you’ll always be the first. I love you.” You hadn't expected Kiyoomi to say anything, he had always been the type to just let his presence comfort you. The fact he’s trying to reach out to you with his words made you realise how much you meant to him.

“I love you too.” you wipe your tears. “Thank you, Omi.”

Instead of replying, he kisses you. You missed his soft lips on yours, you missed the feeling of having him so close to you. You missed feeling so loved, feeling so important to someone and at the same time having someone who’s just as important to you. You missed him.

reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[blitheringmcgonagall]

The Prank - Boys Don’t Cry

Chapter 2: To Get You Back By My Side

Summary:James tries to help Sirius, Lily starts to rethink her opinion of Black and Potter and her friendship with Severus, and Snape finds his relationship with Lily is unravelling...

Now I would do most anything To get you back by my side But I just keep on laughing Hiding the tears in my eyes

Boys Don’t Cry (The Cure)

He had to find his brother and talk to him, exams were starting in two days and then the Easter Holidays, and more exams afterwards. He was an expert at this now, an intricate game, predicting what grades Regulus would get, and modifying his results accordingly. Only this year, he was sitting his OWLs. Merlin knew what his parents would decide this time around. Did they want him to get best in the class, to prove pureblood supremacist ideas? He had no idea. That alone put him off studying. Not that he needed any excuse. He was too exhausted to think in sentences, let alone study.He still remembered that Summer at the end of First Year, standing at the far end of the Platform, heavy dread squeezing his chest. He had successfully avoided seeing his parents all year, developing mysterious illnesses at Christmas and Easter. He had felt bad for abandoning Reg.But not bad enough to make himself go home.

“I can’t face them,” he had said, his cool indifference cracking. “I can’t face spending a whole Summer with them.”

He hadn’t told any of his friends what his parents were really like. Not even James.

“You can, and you will,” James had answered, his hand on Sirius’ right shoulder, steadying him

“Shakespeare, Henry V, Battle Speech at Harfleur,” Remus had begun, in his beautiful hoarse voice. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…”

Remus was right. It felt like going into battle.

“Come on, Pads, you got first place in class, same as me, they’re going to be bloody proud, they have to be, right?” James had reasoned, waving his end of term report in Sirius’ face with a grin. “I’ll come with you.”

Sirius had swallowed.“I don’t think you-“ he said.

“I’ll come too?” Remus had offered.

“No way! Under no-“ Sirius had replied, looking at Remus in alarm.

“Alright.”

Remus had looked a bit offended, Peter had looked relived.How could he explain to them?He followed James, reluctantly, clutching his report, the feeling of impending doom worsening as he approached his parents.

“How do you do, Mr & Mrs Black?” James said, putting out his scrawny arm confidently. “I’m James, Sirius’ best friend.”

Walburga Black’s lips curled as she looked him up and down, taking in his lopsided tie, his bushy hair and the school shirt half sticking out of his trousers.

“James Potter,” he said sullenly, looking at his father.

A pureblood. But not one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Still. It could have been worse. His father’s face relaxed marginally, and his thin lips twitched, an attempted smile. There was an awkward moment as neither parent bothered to address James. James didn’t seem to notice or care either way.

“Sirius came first in the class,” James told them, beaming at his friend proudly.

“So did y-“James’ elbow hit his side and he yelped.

Wordlessly, Orion Black took the report from Sirius’ hand, without asking. His cold face scanned the results.

“First in the Year for DADA?” he said in a low voice.

Shit. He hadn’t thought about that. Merlin, fuck.

“Yes,” he said, refusing to look scared.

“Sirius is brilliant at DADA! He’s incredible!” James said, smiling widely but sounding a bit unsure, for once in his life. “Everyone thinks so, even the Slyth-“

Sirius stood on James’ foot to shut him up.

“Sirius,” Orion Black said, ignoring his friend, and grabbing him by the collar. “A word.”

Without warning, Sirius felt everything go black, head spinning, and landed just outside the front door of 12, Grimmauld Place.

“The Black family, famous for its knowledge of the Dark Arts? Practically unsurpassed in all of England. And yet you, the heir, thought it sensible to get first place in Defence?” he spat out the last word, Orion’s voice was practically a whisper, an iron grip around his neck.

He knew what that tone of voice meant. Surely defending yourself against attack was a good thing?Fuck. Merlin, fuck!

Continue on ao3

The Prank - Boys Don't Cry

[mimisempai]

Wait for me on the other side 6/8

Summary:

Mobius must face both his past and a brutal news. He opens his heart to Loki. Loki wonders about what connects them...

Notes:

Prepare some tissues...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32948254/chapters/82394134

House on the cliff - 2019

Mobius returned home, patiently awaited by Croki. While he was feeding him, he noticed that he had a message on his answering machine.

"Mobius, pick up, I have something to tell you. It's about Ravonna."

Forty-five minutes after Casey's call, Mobius rushed into the hospital.

He headed to the admissions office and spoke to the first person who came in.

"Hello, I'm looking for Ravonna Renslayer. I'm Mr. Mobius."

"Hold on a moment."

The young woman consulted her computer and looked up.

"Yes. Mr. Mobius. You are expected in Doctor Cho's general medicine department."

She pointed in the right direction.

When he arrived at the ward, he asked for Dr. Cho.

He waited a few minutes and a woman approached him, holding out her hand.

"Hello Mr. Mobius, I am Dr. Cho, I am the one who takes care of Mrs. Renslayer. Since you were the person to notify in case of an emergency, we called you."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

Dr. Cho motioned for him to follow her, "She's fine. She had a relatively minor collapse, but we'll have to keep her for a day or two, wait for the results of the tests we did. Since you are her only family according to her file, even for something minor we had to call you. I'll take you to her room."

Casey was waiting outside Ravonna's room when Mobius arrived with Dr. Cho. They embraced.

"How is she?" Mobius asked.

"You know her..." replied Casey, shaking his head. "I had to bring her some work, the latest reports from the financial department."

Mobius looked disbelieving and laughed, "Of course. The last thing we would want to do is let a little collapse endanger the company."

Mobius entered the room quietly. Ravonna laid on her bed, connected to monitoring devices, reading her reports and making annotations, papers scattered around her on her bed. She didn't hear him right away, and when she raised her head, she lowered the report but didn't put it down.

"Hi.", Mobius whispered.

Ravonna did not smile, simply nodded and continued to work on her files as if Mobius were not there.

After a while, she said, "I don't need you."'

Mobius simply replied, "I'm going to stay until your exam results come in."

"That's not until tomorrow morning."

"I'm not going to drive all the way home that late. I'm staying."

Ravonna shrugged and returned to her reading. The silence was deafening.

After a moment, Mobius picked up one of the magazines about expensive watches that was on the table and asked, "Do you mind if I..."

Ravonna shook her head, "Go ahead. If you're still interested in that kind of thing."

Mobius didn't look up and began flipping through the magazine.

When he looked up about ten minutes later, Ravonna was asleep. Mobius watched her breathe in the dimly lit room, the monitoring devices flashing silently. He picked up the papers scattered on the bed and stacked them neatly on the nightstand.

Then he sat down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in the hospital room chair. Since this was impossible, he picked up a piece of paper and began to write to Loki.

I know I haven't written in a while.

But I need to... I wanted to tell you about someone who is very close to me. We are not related by blood, but I consider her to be family to me, like a big sister.

We grew up together in the orphanage.

She is well-known. You know her work... Ravonna Renslayer, the CEO of Time Keepers, the famous watch brand.

I always liked to put watches together and take them apart and Ravonna was good at putting things in the right light.

We decided to create Timekeepers when we were fourteen years old. We wanted to sell quality luxury watches that everyone could afford.

A dream of two orphans.

We promised ourselves that when we would be rich we would buy the house on the hill.

But Ravonna lost sight of our dreams and always wanted more. More money, more fame.

Mass production, overpriced watches, I had no pleasure in creating anymore.

Every meeting became a war zone.

Someone had to surrender. I did.  I quit. Without notice.

That's when I started Miss Minutes, my little store and got back to my roots.

Mobius must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes, he was aching from his position in the chair.

Seeing that Ravonna was still asleep, he went to the hospital cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, and when he came back up fifteen minutes later, he saw Dr. Cho.

"Ah, Mr. Mobius, we just reviewed her results with Mrs. Renslayer. Unfortunately, she has forbidden me to talk to you about them and does not want you to visit her anymore."

Mobius was hurt of course, but not surprised either, given their tense relationship.

Dr. Cho, however, took pity on him. "I can't go into detail, but regrettably, you'll have to prepare for the worst."

Mobius' heart leapt in his chest and with a tight throat, he asked, "How long?"

Dr; Cho put her hand on his shoulder and said, " At any moment. I'm sorry."

Mobius left the hospital in a daze and drove to the house on the cliff. As soon as he arrived, he fed Croki, sat down in his chair and continued the letter to Loki. At this time, it was his only source of comfort.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, in casual attire with Croki by his side, was sitting on his couch reading the letter from Mobius. He was very moved by the way Mobius opened up to him.

His heart cried at the sadness he felt in the letter. Obviously Ravonna was someone dear to his heart.

Once again, Loki was frustrated by the barrier of years between them. He wanted so much to be with Mobius, to support him. He sighed as he continued to read the letter.

I don't know what I expected.

Part of me thought that given her condition, I would get more than a "She doesn't want to see you anymore."

But of course, that's not how things work. When I left TK, I rejected everything she stood for.

That's how she saw it.

I think the fact that I bought the house cemented our disagreement for her and it's too late to change things now.

One thing is for sure: if I was really hoping for a tearful little bedside meeting, I'm as stupid as she thinks I am.

Well, good. I seem to have poured my little heart out here. I'm sorry.

Thanks for reading.

I want to tell you things I've never told anyone.

Things I didn't know myself until I wrote them down to send to you.

Maybe that's the strangest part of it all.

Love, Mobius.

Loki lingered on this letter, and especially on the last word, "LOVE". He patted Croki's head, thoughtful.

He had so many questions.

Love, Mobius.

Was it casual? Mobius was the kind of person who knew exactly what he was saying. Every word was important.

So the next question was, did Loki feel the same way?

Loki didn't need to reflect, he knew what he felt.

The question that remained was, did they have a future...?

Mobius' house - 2019

Croki trotted over to Mobius' bed. Mobius was lying down, unable to sleep, but it was too early to get up. He felt like picking up the phone but resisted.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki couldn't sleep anymore, something was disturbing him since he had read Mobius' letter.

He got up and went to his computer, he had to check one thing about Ravonna Renslayer.

Two minutes later he rushed out of his apartment and drove to the house on the cliff.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius après s’être préparé pour aller au travail, sortit de sa maison et se dirigea vers son pickup.

Mobius House - 2021

Loki braked hard and ran to the mailbox. He put a piece of paper in it and raised the flag with a sudden movement.

Mobius House - 2019

Mobius drove away from the house without seeing the flag that was rising behind him. A few minutes later, his phone on the passenger seat began to ring.

Glancing down, he saw that it was Dr. Cho.

He pulled over to the side of the road and with a lump in his throat, took the call.

"Yes?"

-Mr. Mobius, this is Dr. Cho. I'm afraid I have some difficult news for you.

A few minutes later, in a daze, he parked in front of his house. On his way to his house. He saw that the flag was up.

He opened it, took the note, read it and then let his arm fall back, the paper flew away before landing further.

You need to go back to the hospital right away! Ravonna Renslayer died on-

A few days later, Mobius sat in the back of the church while the pastor preached to a crowd that Mobius knew was there more for Ravonna's fame than for their connection to her.

He didn't listen to the sermon and, clutching Loki's last letter in his pocket, he thought about what he had written.

Mobius, I'm so sorry about Ravonna.

Even though every pain is different, I know what it's like to lose the little family we have left.

I knew I had to at least try to warn you. I thought I could do it in time.

I hoped we could change what happened. I was wrong.

I guess these things can't be changed.

What I do know is that the shock is still fresh for me, even though it happened two years ago, so I can't imagine what it's like for you.

These things just happen...sometimes. I know.

Last February, I remember it was Valentine's Day, but it was really hot for a day in February.

I was at the fountain in Valhalheim Square.

And something happened. I won't bore you with the details now, but it was hard. Not like what you're going through, but it bothered me a lot.

And a friend gave me some good advice.

She told me to go to a place that would bring me peace.

That's what I did. I drove to the house on the cliff.

And that was the day I got your first letter.

It's a place we both love, a place that has a huge meaning for both of us, I hope you can find some solace there.

And I hope that what has kept you and Ravonna apart will eventually seem less important, and perhaps, in time, disappear.

YOURS, Loki.

Loki's words echoing in his head, Mobius was anxious to get to the house, to seek and perhaps find the solace that Loki spoke of.

When he arrived, he saw the flag raised. He opened the box, and took out not a note, but a book.

When he turned it over, his heart stopped for a moment.

For all times - Always by R.RENSLAYER

He returned home and sitting down in his chair, he opened it and saw first a small note from Loki's hand.

The book won't be published for a year.

or two, so don't show it to anyone. But I thought you should see it.

He turned the first page and could not stop the tears from flowing.

To Mobius

This is the story of a dream.

The story of a brother and sister bound by an ideal

But like all true stories, it doesn't always end well.

They chose a different path.

They drifted apart and never found each other again.

But without the presence of one in the life of the other, neither of them would have become what they are.

A story of two lives, a story of two successes, a story of two paths.

Underneath was a photo, Ravonna and him in front of the house on the cliff.

He continued to flip through the book, his eyes blurry with tears, and felt as if he was going through pieces of his life.

Pictures of TK's creation, of Mobius' workshop, of their first offices.

The day of the first opening.

Then the various collections of watches over the years, from the first one designed by Mobius to the latest luxury watches. Created after his departure.

Pictures of the rise of TK.

Photos taken after Mobius' time.

Until the last photo.

It was the front of Miss Minutes, of his shop.

A single sentence underneath.

We have taken different paths, our views have drifted apart, but you will always be my brother. For All time. Always.

Mobius wept for a long time over Ravonna, over the lost years, over what could have been. Then when the tears had dried, he closed the book and placed it neatly on the shelf. His hand lingered on the title for a moment.

Then, looking determined, he took his old sketchbook, sat outside the house and began to draw.

Loki's apartment - 2021

Loki, looking bewildered, was contemplating a sketch of the house on the hill.

At the bottom of the house, written in charcoal, it read:

I WANT TO MEET YOU!

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

_______

As a reader, I hate cliffhangers... I apologize in advance for being so cruel, I hope you will forgive me 😭

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 (End)

[emilythornegrayson]

》 Flashback - New York - 1990s.

Sharon Carter was Peggy's great-niece. From a very young age, her aunt was a reference in her life. Her biggest dream was to work at S.H.I.E.L.D like, she saw Peggy make her whole life.

When she turned seventeen, it was time to try a chance.

Howard Stark, even against Peggy's consent, had managed to put Sharon to a test.

For many weeks, she studied, from the agency's previous written tests, resistance tests.

Although she knew that her aunt could be hurt by the kept secret, she would not waste the chance that was given to her.

As agreed, she was present very early in the morning for the exams.

She was fully convinced that she would do well in writing. Now, those of resistance were enough.

It was a very exhausting day, but the blonde was sure, one day it would have been worth it.

At the end of it, Howard found a worn-out Sharon, but with a full face and why not say, happy?

It bothered him profoundly because the news he would give would not be easy.

"Uncle S ... I mean, Mr. Stark!" Sharon has already stood up. She couldn't wait for the answer.

"What is my result?"

"Well, Miss Carter ..."

Stark felt the weight of his words at that moment.

"I failed, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't say that! But you ..."

"I am not my aunt!"

She said while, stubborn with tears that insisted on wanting to fall.

"Sharon, there are no comparisons between Peggy's work and her test, trust me!"

She just nodded while picking up her backpack.

"Thank you for your time! It is getting late, I need to go before my aunt realizes my absence! I don't want to cause you any problems!"

And she forced a smile.

In that, she was just like Peggy. Both thought they knew how to hide their afflictions, but tried to do so without success.

"Are you going to be okay, dear?"

Howard was really concerned.

"I'm fine! There's nothing to worry about, Uncle Stark!"

She kissed him on the cheek and without saying anything else, left the place.

Howard sighed. He knew that she was not going to be all right, especially after that day. He understood what it was like to have dreams shattered.

As the hours passed, Peggy began to worry. Your niece has never been away for so long, let alone without warning.

She had the idea to call Maria Stark. Maybe, she knew something about Tony, her godson.

Although there was a slight age difference of 4 years between them, Tony was often a good companion for Sharon.

When she hung up the phone, she was already more distressed. Sharon had not passed the S.H.I.E.L.D test, so she would be devastated and Peggy was too worried to care about the hidden secret.

》 New York nightclub.

》 Just over ten o'clock.

Tony Stark was the only son of Howard and Maria Stark. Since childhood, his relationship with his father has never been the best. Early placed in a boarding school, he lived with his family on vacations and holidays.

So he ended up meeting his godmother's great-niece, Sharon, two of the people he was most fond of in the world besides his own mother.

Even so, sometimes he was not happy.

And he used his rebellion to express this, masterfully.

Today, it would be another day when he would surely either arrive drunk or not sleep at home.

Upon entering the club with a few more friends, he went to the counter with two of them and ordered tequila. Why take it easy, right? That was the "motto" of his life.

One of his friends looked to the right and saw one of the girls there, climbing up.

He then nudged Tony immediately.

"Look at that cute little blonde!"

Tony looked back to where he pointed and his jaw dropped.

"Isn't that your godmother's niece?"

The other friend asked.

"Sharon!"

Tony was gaping. It seemed that not only had he had the idea of ​​surprising the family.

"She is very hot!"

The first boy mentioned it.

Tony clenched his fist and held it by the collar of his shirt.

"One more word and I will break all your teeths!"

When he released him, he went out to where Sharon was.

She had picked up the "microphone" again, or what she thought was one and sang the song she was playing, totally disconnected from the lyrics.

"Excuse me, thank you!"

Tony asked as he passed the crowd.

"Excuse!"

Sharon then looked down as soon as she became aware of the "new" member of her audience.

"Tony, hey!"

She broke into a smile.

"Sharon!"

He watched her. He always knew she was weak for drinks and could see it up close now.

"Come up here, let's sing with me!"

"I don't think it's a good idea!"

He crossed his arms.

"You were more fun already!"

"Look, I even agree, but today my focus is on you!"

He held out his hand.

"Comes here!"

"I'm fine up here, thanks!"

"It is not an option!"

He countered.

Sharon chuckled and made a face.

"I pass! Besides, you are not my brother!"

"Sharon, I'm sorry!"

"Why?"

Tony wrapped one arm around Carter's legs and pulled. At that, he made her stand on his shoulder and started walking.

"Tony! Put me down!"

Sharon asked.

"NOW!"

Finally, she screamed.

"It's still not an option!" Stark replied, quickening his pace.

"You can not do it with me!"

"If you are acting like a reckless child, yes, I can!"

Tony was serious.

"Look who's talking!"

"Someone who cares about you!"

"Go to the Hell with your concern, Anthony!"

"You look pretty when you get angry, you know?Looks like a spoiled little girl!"

"I hate you!" She spoke now, quite angry.

"Great! But surely, you will thank me in the morning!"

》Madripoor - 2023

Sharon had just come back from the blip when the news hit television.

Tony Stark was dead. He had sacrificed himself for everyone to save Earth from Thanos.

Nick Fury watched her in the distance and saw her take one of the vases from the safe room she was in and hurl it against the wall in the midst of a deafening scream. Within seconds, the entire room was destroyed by the guilt that Sharon carried.

Fury better than anyone knew that she had lost everything, and even her best friend.

Gradually, the man came over and hugged Carter in a fatherly embrace.

She let herself remain there in his arms in the midst of a convulsive cry.

》 New York - Present.

"I didn't know that you and Tony were close!"

Sam said when he saw a picture of Sharon with Stark.

"We went! Even the Sokovian treaty!"

Sharon explained.

Sam looked upset. Obviously she chose Steve, Bucky and he and had a big weight on her life.

"Tony was my first Crush, you know? I saw all those beautiful girls behind him and thought: I could be a little bit like her, so he would sees me!"

Sharon joked.

"Wow! You really like older men! Nice to meet Sam, I'm forty-five years old and I live with my dog!"

Sam made fun of her.

She slapped him on the shoulder and laughed.

"Not funny!"

"Ouch!"

He laughed back.

"Did she hit you too?"

Bucky scoffed at his friend.

"Look, a picture of you with Stark!"

She rolled her eyes playfully and placed it on the shelf.

"Stark, Strange, Steve, Sam and me. Poor guy who messes with you, is going to end up beaten in the alley by all of us!"

He chuckled.

"You'll see, he has super strength and give us a little work, right?"

Ironic Sam walked away.

"Did Zemo take the super serum?"

Bucky joked.

Sam motioned that he was keeping an eye on both of them and left the place.

"Thank you for your help!"

Sharon kissed James on the cheek.

"You are very welcome! That's what friends are for!"

He replied, watching her go up the stairs.

Sharon Carter was back and now it was time to help her get back everything she asked for.

https://youtu.be/hWR-HNPhPRI

[awed-frog]

Hey! I just finished high school and I'm about to go and study linguistics at university. I keep fluctuating between excitement and anxiety about basically everything in the future--do you have any advice for that stage of life in general? (If that's too general or you're busy or whatever, don't bother, I just felt like you might have some wisdom)

Hello and congrats on your A-levels or Maturité or whatever the name is in your country! It must be a great feeling to be done with all that stuff! And don’t worry - it’s completely normal to be all over the place right now, this is a big moment in your life! 

I’m not sure my opinion will be useful to you, but here are a few thoughts.

1) The world out there is probably not as you imagined it, so be patient and flexible. Like - the subject you chose to study might not be what you’re actually interested in; if you’re moving to go to uni, the new city might be different from what you were expecting (and if you’re staying home, the relationship with your parents might not develop or change the way you wanted it to); and, most of all, life on campus is probably not going to match what you’ve been seeing over and over in movies and shows. All of that is okay. ‘Different’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘worse’. Take your time, be patient, switch your major if you have to, and above all don’t be afraid to reach out for help - talk to your tutors, professors, to other students, to the librarians, to the mental health service if you feel like you need them. Everything is new, but you’re not alone in this. Even the most famous and respected professor was once a nervous 19-yo, so they know what you’re going through and will help you out if you give them the chance to.

2) This brings me to the second thing: in uni, stuff gets messy very quickly. If you were a good student in high school, you probably got into the habit of improvising, doing assignments at the last minute, pulling all-nighters and the like. In uni, that won’t work. Go to your classes, take good notes, do the assigned reading and try to keep everything on schedule as much as possible. Never underestimate how long something will take, and if it looks like you won’t be able to complete something on time, speak with your advisor or tutor at once and work out a solution with them. In my experience, there is a lot of tolerance but professors also get annoyed by last-minute excuses.

3) Reaching out and asking for help is also a good way to stay safe, which was my third point. Not to go all mom on you, but change is always stressful, so be mindful of that. For instance, I know it’s sometimes tempting to become a whole new person when you go to uni, but if possible, don’t give up your old life all at once and/or 100%. Find a way to keep practicing your favourite sport or craft, keep in touch with high school friends, remember your parents will probably be happy to hear from you more than once a month. Holding on to what you liked of your ‘child’ self will help you a lot in managing the stress of building the adult self you’re now becoming.

4) On a related note: uni is often a time for experimenting, which is great - but while some mistakes are unavoidable, try to limit the damage. Always practice safe sex, tell your friends where you’re going to be if you go to someone’s house, keep the age difference with your sexual and romantic partners down to a reasonable number, drink in moderation (and be aware of the risks: never ever drink lots of strong alcohol in a short period of time!), do your research when it comes to drugs (my advice would be, avoid them completely - but if you don’t, please be smart about it), ask yourself if you’ll really want a quirky tattoo on your nose when you’re forty and if you moved to a new city, do some research about safety, risky areas, crime or whatever else. I know you feel all grown-up and society is pushing you to be adult and efficient and pay taxes and all that stuff, but your brain won’t be done developing until you’re 25 or so. That means your risk/reward centre is still a bit wonky, so be aware of that!

5) Finally: be curious. You have the amazing opportunity to discover a lot of new things - take advantage of it! Do your assigned reading, follow up on footnotes about other articles, pick up interesting books, go to random lectures in your free time, wander into that weird Kieślowski retrospective, try new sports or activities, take the time to meet new people. There’ll be time to binge on Netflix when you’re old; now there’s better stuff to do. Plus, you never know where the connections you make and the knowledge you gather will lead you. My entire life basically happened the way it did because I had a sudden crush on a professor and started taking his classes, and I don’t regret it for a second. One of my friends is now doing a PhD on a subject he never meant to study - he just walked into the wrong classroom during his first week, was too shy to leave and got hooked. Another one is now a theatre director - he started drama classes because he fell in love with some girl, the relationship didn’t last but still changed everything for him. I know people who switched from economics to musicology and from Latin to obstetrics, people who left for a semester abroad and never came back, people who took road trips with strangers they would later marry, and all of them are very happy about where they ended up. So while it’s good to have a plan of sorts, keep your eyes open and allow fate and serendipity to work their magic.

[And if things don’t work out: everything can be fixed. Please remember that. I know some stuff can feel like the end of the world, but as grim as it sounds, death is the only real end of the world. Everything else - everything, no matter how dramatic and traumatic and unexpected - can be fixed. And I’m sorry if this is a bit dark, but I saw many people freak out about exam results, or panic about deadlines, or feel like their lives are over because of some other reason - please stay safe and keep others safe as much as you can.

Seriously: everything can be fixed.]

Anyway - good luck and my very best wishes! Linguistics is awesome, I hope you’ll have tons of fun with it!

[valcarolrights]

Insecurities (Carol Danvers/Reader)

Pairing : Established Carol Danvers x Reader Relationship

Summary : Reader is insecure about getting an education while being older than the average university students and takes on a workload with great force, causing Carol to intervene.

Words : 1.5k +

"The pizza came about ten minutes ago." Carol announces as she strolls into the room.

You barely spare her a glance before nodding. "That's great. Can you keep some for me?" You ask and she frowns.

"I can but I'd rather not." Her tone becomes concerned. "Baby, you haven't eaten all day. You also haven't left the room all day. I don't even want to know when last you slept."

"Look Carol, I'll do all of that tomorrow after the exam, okay?"

"You're thinking of going through the night?" Carol asks, her eyes widening and you shrug.

"I'll have to. I underestimated myself greatly. I have to know everything." You explain your mindset, briefly looking up from your notes to see Carol raising her brows at you. "I'll eat later and take a small nap if you let me revise now?" You try.

Your girlfriend sighs and leaves the room without saying a word. You felt bad, but you could make all you wanted to up to her after your last exam.

You read through your notes repeatedly for the next five minutes, closing your eyes every so now and then to recite them aloud. After finally getting an entire paragraph right without looking, you smiled widely and looked back down at your book to do the same with the next one. As you started reading inwardly, your book was shut in your face.

You blinked twice and looked up. "Really?"

"You need to eat Y/N." Carol says sternly, a plate in her hand.

"I will eat, just not now. I'll just finish this chapter and then I'll come and eat, I promise." You try, knowing full well you're lying.

"You're lying." Carol accuses you and you sigh before taking the plate from her hand.

"Thank you." You mutter.

"Mhm." She mumbles before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Are you going to watch me eat?" You ask the blonde and she nods.

"You can't be reckless and not look after yourself for one simple test. You're only human Y/N." Her voice takes on a softer tone. "You need to be in top condition to write but you're using all your time stuffing this information into your head."

"Because I need to pass." You supply and she nods.

"Yes but how are you going to write an exam starving and with no energy?" She counters.

"Touche." You give in. "I just want to pass and graduate so I can be done."

"I want you to do well as well so I can be cheering the loudest at your graduation as well, but you need to take care of yourself so you can get there." Carol lectures you seriously.

"You make good points." You give in before picking up a slice of pizza. "Just one break to eat and then I'm going back at it."

"One break to eat and a two hour nap and then you're going back at it." Carol corrects you, watching unchanged as your expression falls. "You need to take care of yourself baby."

"Fine." You huff.

"You're so stubborn." Carol laughs before gesturing to the plate. "Now eat up so you can close your eyes. You need to be up by eleven."

"You said two hours. That makes it ten." You argue and she sighs.

"You need time to fall asleep too, idiot."

-

After Carol watched you finish your dinner, claiming she'd already had hers with the team, you huffed and rolled yourself into the bed underneath the blankets, feeling extra guilty when your body practically melted into the mattress. It felt wrong to relax knowing you were writing your final exam the following day, but it felt so good too.

It felt even better when Carol slid in behind you, sliding her arm around your front. "So you wanted to sleep and wanted me to sleep with you?" You ask and Carol's breath falls on your ears as she replies.

"Maybe. But can you blame me? I haven't seen much of you since you started writing exams." She says softly as if not to disturb the peace in the dark room, the guilt bubbling back up in the pit of your stomach. "And also you have the biggest bags underneath your eyes. You need every drop of sleep you can get." She adds before pressing her lips to your ear, causing you to shiver. "Cold?" She asks innocently and you answer quietly.

"A little bit."

She hums thoughtfully and silence falls over the room again. You close your eyes and accept that it's the end of the conversation but gradually feel your body warming up as a result of Carol. You could almost swoon because of how sweet she was yet you on the other hand were avoiding her like the plague just to make it through your final academic year.

"Thank you." You finally say and she hums in recognition again before you shake your head. "No, thank you." You repeat, closing your eyes as you continue speaking, succumbing to her warmth. "For taking care of me even though I haven't treated you well in the past two weeks."

"I understand. You're like a super perfectionist, I get that. You don't just want to do well, you want to do really well." She says, pressing her fingers into your stomach. "It's okay. I just want you to look after yourself as well."

"I'm not only doing it for me, I'm doing it for Tony." You reply in honesty. "I mean he's doing so much for me right now. Giving me an opportunity that others don't have."

You and Sam had been friends for a good number of years and during the time he was wanted by the government, he stayed with you a few times. So many times you began to become well acquainted with his suit and adjusted it and fixed it sometimes when it came back a little dilapidated. When you weren't at work you decided to design some new things to make sure he was seen less but still did his job well. When he came, boy were you excited to lay the new upgrades on him.

After the war with Thanos, and everyone had made up, Tony demanded to know who helped Sam out and surprisingly offered you an apprenticeship, claiming you wasted your time in an office. When you expressed your want to pursue your passion, he offered to help you out. And you wanted nothing more than to make the best of it.

"That's really cool of him." Carol yawns, spurring a yawn of your own on. "But he's not putting any pressure on you. He knows you're smart, I know you're smart."

"I'm doing it for you too." You add after a beat of silence. You sigh because your fatigue always gets you in trouble, pouring gasoline over your honesty. "I know its a lot for you to be with someone my age who's still in university." you say quietly. "Most people my age are successful by now but I'm still studying." you reveal your insecurities.

"Thats what makes you special to me." Carol frowns. "When I first met you and you were trying to come up with a solution for my new suit, I was taken. You suggested a lot but also listened to Tony and Bruce. You never wanted to stop learning and you still don't. You're like... The smartest person ever. Sure there are some kids in your classes but remember that before you studied you were also successful, just not in the career you wanted to be in. Everything takes time but I'm proud of you either way."

You feel the warmth building in your chest before bringing Carol's hand up to your lips, expressing your emotions in three words. "I love you."

"I love you too, stupid." She retracts her hand from your lips and uses it to brush your hair aside to press a kiss on your cheek. "Now go to sleep so you can wake up and revise."

-

True to her word, Carol woke you up at eleven with a cup of coffee, some more pizza as a midnight snack and some kisses to get you going. This time, you allowed her to help you study and ask you questions - finding it much easier and more enjoyable seeing as with every correct answer you were awarded with a kiss.

Unfortunately, the kisses sometimes became heated.

You giggled as you pushed Carol off as she tried to push her tongue into your mouth. You felt her burning fingers on your lower back under your shirt. "Later."

"Fine." She grumbles, giving you one last peck before continuing to ask you questions.

By two am, you'd gone through all your work with the blonde and had fallen asleep with a slightly fuller stomach and her arms wrapped around your waist securely.

You were again woken by kisses and some coffee - this time with a whole breakfast included, making your heart melt because Carol had woken up extra early to make breakfast too to make sure you were well nourished.

It sometimes bothered you that outsiders would never be able to see what a giant puppy the great photon blasting Captain Marvel was outside of the compound.

After a few more good luck kisses, Carol dropped you off at your exam venue and true to your word, after your exam you continued your make out - and more - session.

And true to her word, she cheered the loudest at your graduation.

[maximuswolf]

My Story: I don't want to be like this :( via /r/ADHD

My Story: I don't want to be like this :(

My life sucks but I am still happy about the person that resulted from all the stuff I went through. I am a very silent person but at the same time extremly turned up. It's like a never ending roller coaster ride with its ups which make me feel like I am god or downs which want to make me kill myself. I wish there was an in between but it just doesn't exist ;( My mood is uncontrollable and it is most of the time more depressiv than happy. The depressiv mood has arised over the last three years and the lockdown aggraveted it extremly. Currently I'm 18 years old and life feels like that it is getting worse and worse the older I get... Procrastination, mood swings, lack of concentration, being emotional, high sensetivity, impulsiveness, bad memory, sleeplessness,messiness, daydreaming and the fact that I just can't change it by myself are murdering me.

I'm in 12th grade right now and at the first two weeks I stoped going to school because of suicidal thoughts. I think it was in 8th grade when I started to research my first issues in the internet to learn more about me so I hopefully fix my problems. Back then I had friends that harmed me a lot and caused a huge amount of anxiety in me. The only common ground we had was playing video games together. At school I felt like an outcast since I started going to secondary school I had big issues to keep up with the learned and almost had 0 friends because I was so different and weird than anybody else. Everybody laughed at me when I started to talk in class because I stuttered a lot, had issues to creat and understand sentences and lost the red threat everytime I was talking. One of my teachers waged my folder all around the classroom because all of my papers weren't staple in so that every sheet of paper was distributed in my classroom and I need to collect them all by myself infront of the whole class while I couldn't hold back my tears... I always thought that it was my fault at school even though I was the most silent kid and never made any problems. My selfconfidence was almost nonexistent and I was soooo happy when the school bell rang and I could go home. I was addicted to play video games all day long because I was only with me when I played and because I was so good at it sometimes. I was very inconstant and I had phases where I played like the worst player ever but also moments where I played like a world champion where nobody could beat me. It was the only thing where I would have said that I am good at it. I also took part of sportsclubs but I almost changed the sport every year cause I got bored so fast. In those days the internet was the only place where I could search up my problems.

I lied everytime to my parents about the situation in school to prevent punishments. Since I was born my Dad consumed a lot of alcohol and that's why my mum was forced to manage my upbringing alone. Both of my parents were pretty much nonexistent to me because I was all the time alone in my room and refused to talk to them. Both of them came from turkey to germany that's why they can't speak the languague well. My turkish is very bad too that's why comunication is almost impossible with them. 11th grade was the time where the school classes were mixed up again and I thought that could be my turn in school. I wanted to change everything so I can focus only on school. But I couldn't manage to change my behavior at all. I still couldn't do my homework, I still postponed to learn for exams until the last second even though I wanted it so bad... When I did my homework I couldn't focus at all. It was a nightmare I couldn't awaken from. I wanted to progress in school so bad but nothing changed. Instead my situation got worse and I started to judge me more and more. Half of the 11th grade was over and covid was taking over the world. Our school was set to homeschooling and my grades got kinda better because nobody was around me so I could focus better and I had more time solving the tasks. It was enough to establish 11th grade.

I still wanted to know how to fix my problems and researched a lot of my problems until I found truth. --ADHD/ADD--. I read everything about it, all symptoms, experiences on reddit and I thought I finally found the thing that is bothering me all my life. The disorder that has formed me to the wise, empathic, genius but at the same time to the depressiv, disorganised, emotional, unmotivated and impulsiv human I am. It would explain everything and I sometimes cry when I read some of the experiences of other users of this wonderful forum because it reflects everything of me so precise. But it was still just the internet where I got the information from and I was really unsecure if it is true even though it matched so hard. I told my older brother all about it but he is really unsecure. Back then I told nobody about my problems and he said that everything comes abruptly. I asked him if he could find me a therapist and I managed to get a meeting with a child psychologist. He didn't really took serious what I said and diagnosed me depression and anxiety. He called me an "internet psychologist" when he asked me where I got this knowledge from about ADHD/ADD. He said that I can't have it because I am not fidgety enough... I went home totaly depressed and questioned everything. I wrote him a SMS that I don't feel great and that my suicidal thoughts are back and he asked me if I wanted to go to the psychatry next city. I said yes and my brother drove me there. He told my brother that the police would had drive me there if nobody was able to do that. Thank you for everything my brother. As I arrived there I told the psychologist my story but didn't really mention that I think I have ADHD/ADD and focused more on the suicidal thoughts. He asked me if the thoughts are extremly or not and I said I only think about it when I want to focus and I am just not able to do it no matter how hard I try and that I'm thinking about it but that I am to strong to end my life. I also told him that the pressure to perform in school is supporting the suicidal thoughts and he offered me that I could go home if I promise him I wouldn't harm myself. He gave me a paper that released me from school for some weeks and I felt so much better for a while. He made a meeting for a outpatient psychologist and at first i visited her every 2 weeks. The time inbetween was a nightmare because I couldn't do anything else than lying in bed because everytime I tried to to something productive I felt sooo god damn bad because I couldn't focus at all that it always threw me back to suicidal thoughts. Session after session I told her everything. I met her 2-3 months and everything I did in this time was just staying at home doing nothing while I had such a pressure to be productive but I just couldn't. She told me that it is possible that I have ADD but that she can't diagnose it to me because she doesn't meet me often enough to observe the symtomps... That's why she told me that I should make a meeting at a day clinic. After that I met her only once a month without doing anything helpful there. In the end my brother prepared the meetings for the day clinic and now I am on a waiting list.

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6 months passed when I stopped going to school. Nobody was able to tell me professionally what my defecits are and couldn't diagnose me ADD. I still don't know how long it will take until I get into the day clinic. I am very convinced that I have ADD and I have huge problems living with that and I am not able to get the medication I deserve. It's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do.

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This post is very long and I am very sorry about that. That's why I hope somebody will manage to read that :D

Submitted March 03, 2021 at 10:14PM by xserhatx12 via reddit https://ift.tt/309w5L8

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hello Dani.

I wish I were here with some cute Malec fan arts to show you instead of what I'm about to say. But I'm not. I guess I just need to talk to someone. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. You don't have to answer me. I guess the fact that I was comfortable enough to tell you these helps me enough. To at least know that I'm no longer the only person who knows these anymore. To know that it isn't a secret I have to bare alone. Cause I'm fucking tired of it.

Ok, here's the thing. Here, in my country, students attend a national exam at the end of elementary school. Just before entering middle school, at 11. The results of this test show whether you can enter some special schools that are built to guide and educate the students who got accepted. The students society thinks are smarter than the others. As far as I can remember, I knew I should take that test and get accepted. When I was a child my mother told me about a long time ago, when she and my father were at high school. My father had wanted to become a doctor at the time. He'd tried and studied hard and eventually gotten accepted at the medicine school. But back then, it had been very important for the students studying important majors at university- like medicine- to have a good social image and other people's opinion about them mattered a lot. And at that time, my father's family had had some kind of quarrels and fights going on with some neighbor families, and thus when those people were asked about my father personality, they've talked shit about him and he got rejected. He had to become a teacher instead. I was just a child back then, but even as a child, I could see how my father always yearned for what he'd lost. The way he talked about how good of a job it is, how doctors can help people a lot, and how if I'm smart and hardworking enough, I can become a doctor one day. Long story short, from a very young age, every one told me that I was intelligent and should become a doctor. It would make my family and my family name proud and I knew it. So I tried, I studied and I got accepted at that special schools at 11( cause it has always been part of the path I was shown ). I not only got accepted, but also got the best marks at the test in the town. That day was the only day I remember my father looked very proud of me. I always did good at the exams, but there was always something lacking for them, like, although I become a top student, I didn't become the best, or although I became the best, some of my marks still could be better. So there was always some criticism waiting for me, no matter what result I gained. The only time that there wasn't any, was that one time that I got accepted in those special schools at 11. That day I only saw appreciation. After that, I always kept trying but I guess I was never hardworking enough. My parents used to say it was because I couldn't put my complete focus on studying. Because I used to draw, and play soccer, and also attend English classes. I loved all of those activities, but I dropped all of them when I entered highschool. Because everyone said they were distracting me from my purpose that was becoming a doctor. That I needed to study biology and math and not waste my time with arts and sports. So I did it. And I was ok with it, or at least I thought I was. Untill I wasn't anymore. Until suddenly this pandemic started one year and a half ago, and I no longer could go to school. And I started struggling to keep up with my lessons and studying. I understood that I didn't enjoy it, it had become like a chore. I didn't understand how much my friends, my teachers and my school meant to me and how much it affected my willingness to studying till I lost it. And it took me even longer to find out the reason I needed them so much. And I hate that reason. I totally hate it. But it was true. I needed school because they gave me the appreciation and approval I always yearned for. I found out that one of the reasons I studied well was that I liked everyone appreciating me. I like the looked of awe in their eyes when I solved math problems or when I answered a biology question no one knew of. And I no longer had those. I was all alone with my family, since school were closed. And I knew- I know- my family loves me, but their tactics for helping someone or something get better has always been criticizing the wrong things, instead of praising the good parts. And it helped, or it used to do, at least. But just as long as I got the praise and approval I needed from the others. But I didn't

get them anymore cause I was all alone with my family now. I just had them. And the criticism become harder and unbearable. Studying was like a burden, a chore. And it didn't help that with the whole staying home situation, I had more time to think and I realized how long it had been since last time I drew anything. Or played soccer. Or read my favorite novels. I realized I never once stopped to think about what I wanted to do. My life path had always been described for me. I'd always known what I was supposed to do, or what I was supposed to be. But I was no longer sure if it was what I wanted. And I was confused and lost and absolutely terrified. I didn't know what to do. Whether to continue my path, or change it. I tried to speak to my parents. But they didn't get it. They didn't get why I was suddenly hesitating and told me I was just ruining all those years of trying, for nothing. So I stopped talking about it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't help feeling like I've always lived for others. Like, why the hell should I need my teachers and classmates appreciating and praising me? Why should not having that anymore make studying boring for me?? Why did I never thought about my future as a choice, not something that was always set to happen?! I was angry at myself but most of all, I was lost, I didn't know what the hell to do. And no one could understand me, so when my parents asked me how I was preparing myself for the national exam of universities acceptance, I lied. I lied and told them I was doing ok, while I totally wasn't. I couldn't tell them, I didn't want them to blame me, cause I blamed myself enough. I hoped it will get better by the time. But it didn't. Everyone thinks I'm a fucking Christopher Lightwood, while honestly, I'm more a Alastair Carstairs.

And now, here am I, not knowing what the hell to do. The exam for universities acceptance is in less than a month and a half. I know I still have time, but I no longer know what I want to do. And I no longer believe in my abilities. I think my parents were right, I think I just wasted my time hesitating and questioning myself. Maybe becoming a doctor doesn't make me happy, but isn't it worth it?? That at least it is what my father wanted for me all along? That I can at least make my family happy and proud?? Cause I don't know what makes me happy. And now, it's too late to think about it and find out. Cause I'm scared to find out. I'm scared that I make my family disappointed, like I made myself disappointed. I'm afraid it's too late and no matter what I do, I'm gonna make them disappointed. That while everyone thinks I'm gonna get accepted at the best medicine school, I won't get accepted at all. I wasted so much time questioning everything. If only I continued my path, at least my family would be happy. But now, I'm terrified that I make them disappointed and remain unhappy myself. Cause even if I was living a lie, even if I one day got up and see I didn't like my life, at least I still had a life. A life in which nobody had expectations from me any longer. And even if I didn't like my life, I was at least alone to do whatever I want with it. But at the moment, I just want to become a doctor, and pay off what I've always felt I owe my family. My father. That was the only thing he ever wanted from me. ( And it pays handsomely, sure. It's just, I was never sure if I enjoy doing it, not just its payment.)

But I'm now terrified that I've ruined my chance for even having this. I think I should've never questioned my life. It didn't help that I found out I wasn't happy. I can't help but think I fucked everything up. I always tried to be open to changes. To be brave, just like Alec was. But how can I do that when I don't know what I want? How can I even choose another job when I was practically raised to become a doctor since forever? How can I change my path when I sacrificed lots of things that I loved for it?? All those soccer games I didn't attend, all those drawings I didn't draw, just to have time to study! How can I do it?? And what if my family was always right, that becoming a doctor is best for me? What if I've had fucked up my chance of becoming a doctor even??

And more than anything, I'm tired of keeping all that a secret. I feel guilty as hell whenever I see my parents cause I lied to them, and it's making it all hard to breathe. I'm really really tired. I'm lost. What am I supposed to do? What should I do???

Hello, darling.

Thank you for trusting me with this. I'm glad you wanted to talk to someone. Whatever you feel, it's out now. You no longer have to worry this is a secret. I hope that helps you a little. I hope it lightens the burden you carry on your shoulder.

As always, I cannot tell you what to do. It's your life - something I do remind yourself more often. It helps. I promise.

But I can tell you what I think.

1. I think you are very smart. Like VERY smart. So, if you are worried about changing your academic course or career path, I would say you have nothing to worry about. If you can study biology, trust me, you can find your way through any other subject. It's nothing to be afraid of. Every subject is hard. But you seem like a relentless little fighter to me. So, you will figure it out.

2. I think the reason your father wants you to be a doctor is because he still feels the pain of not achieving his dream. If he doesn't enjoy teaching, then he knows what it's like to live a life of regret. Your father wants to spare you from that. But irony is cruel. Because that very effort has pushed you into the same path. I think someone *cough* you *cough* needs to remind your father that even if you become a doctor, you will not be happy. And while your parents might not be able to see it clearly as you do, it's what they want too. Success doesn't necessarily mean happiness. So, maybe you should tell your father that. Tell him that even if you become a doctor, it wouldn't make you happy. So, despite all their prayers and efforts, your parents would still fail. Because you would be living a similar life as your father had to.

3. One and a half month sounds like a very short time. But here is the thing. I feel like if you put your mind to it, you can get through this exam. But what about your heart? Where does it want to be? What does it want to do? For me, it doesn't sound like a problem of "can I do this?". Yes, you can. It's more a question of, "do I want to do this?". I don't know the answer to that. You are smart. Figure it out.

4. The best advice I've gotten in life is this "do what makes you happy." I know that many don't have the luxury of following that advice in every possible way. But you have the chance. do it. If something or someone is bringing you unhappiness, you should have the liberty to say "no fuck off." It takes a lot of courage to look at something and say 'no'. We haven't been taught to say that enough. Learn to say 'no'. If you take away anything from this response, it should be that.

5. You don't owe anyone anything. Just so you know. Not your family. Your parents. Not your school. No one. Nothing. But you owe it to yourself to be happy.

6. I have met many people like your father - and perhaps yourself - who have told me that "I couldn't follow my dreams. But when I have a child one day, I will do everything in my power to make sure they get to achieve their dream". It's truly a beautiful sentiment. But all I can think is...If it's possible for us to fight for an unborn child of ours, then why can't be fight for ourselves. If we are willing to fight in the future, then why not now?

I know you want your parents to be happy. I know you don't want to let them down. I know a lot of us think that way. So I ask - Why can't we show the kindness we are willing to show the ones we love to ourselves?

7. I don't know what you are going to do either, my love. But I know you will survive. So, even if these words get washed away and even if the confidence you feel is momentary and even if you end up taking the exam and do biology, I hope you remember that it is never, ever, ever too late to choose yourself. To follow your dreams. To stand up and say no.

8. You told me you are more like Alastair. So, I'll leave you with this.

"If you choose that for yourself, it is your choice, but you cannot choose for me”

All my love,

Dani x.