#idol actor now model yes

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

never not mine | jjk | "i hear..."

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

Bygones will be bygone eras, fading into grey. Breaking up with Jeon Jungkook had been a vicious, clean break. He tried to take it back, but the damage was already done. You walked out of the world you didn't belong in, at least until Kim Taehyung calls your name.

this is part i | part ii | part iii

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of controlling behaviors in a romantic relationship; reader is emotionally distant after said breakup; second chance romance?; angst and fluff and feels; your POV

non-idol!AU; fashion model!Jungkook — ft fellow model/actor!Kim Taehyung and model/businessman!Kim Seokjin; and a certain Maestro cameo; reader is not part of the entertainment industry

--

“Please love me again.”

You could hear him saying it but you pretended not to hear. You pretended not to know. You pretended he wasn’t there. He was persona non grata. No, he was simply another blurry face amongst many that faded into the grey background of grey days. He was only a ghost. If he happened to be in the same place as you were, it wasn’t any of your damn business. People were allowed to be wherever they wanted to be.

“I’m sorry.”

Yes, he was.

Sorry that he couldn’t walk all over you like he wanted. Sorry that he couldn’t control you on that leash like he wanted. Sorry that you had the balls to cut all ties and not put up with his selfish bullshit anymore. Sorry. What a word. Your response had not been a vindictive one, though. You hadn’t blocked him on social media. You figured he would block you himself. The last moments were him berating you for being late, what if something happened to you, I was worried, and you snapping. It had taken every fiber of your being to not fling your clutch in his face and tell him to take himself out if he cared so much.

“I understand what you meant now.”

The first couple times he attempted to speak to you after it all, you were ice-cold furious. So angry that you simply refused to speak to avoid spitting literal fire. So, you didn’t. And then it became a habit. Then you stopped caring. You stopped feeling. You lived your life.

Alone.

Like an abandoned puppy, Jeon Jungkook followed you every chance he got, but there were less and less chances as time went on. You would walk past him. He would follow until it was definitely too creepy and simply stop, staring after you with a lost look in his empty eyes. Everyone could see the broken heart in his stare.

A lot of people asked you what happened.

It was a valid question.

It was just as valid for you to not answer.

“I’m not going to talk about that. We can talk about something else.”

You avoided people who couldn’t let it go or cut them out altogether. What was the point of shit-talking, taking sides, making yourself angry over things that couldn’t be changed? What was the point of being upset over nights that couldn’t be taken back? Over phone calls and you sitting alone in a restaurant, empty chair in front of you and the reason in your hand, an opportunity came up, I’m leaving for Los Angeles in the morning, I need to pack, bye. Over trips suddenly cut short in the middle, the agency called, another model got sick last minute so I gotta go, just stay here and have fun. By yourself. Over accusations, what are you doing right now, send a photo, now. Over doubts, are you really at the supermarket, I don’t know, you could be doing anything, I’m not there after all. Over being five minutes late because the taxi you had taken was driven by an older gentleman chatting away, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him to shut up simply because of a boy.

Five minutes.

“Where were you? You need to tell me if you’re late. What if something happened? I was worried.”

“The driver was talking to me.”

“And you couldn’t text that you were okay?”

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

“Am I not your priority?” he had hissed.

Snap.

All those times, all those moments, okay, I understand, it’s fine, you can make it up to me later, they all came back to you in vivid recollections, and you had stared at Jeon Jungkook. All those people saying how lucky you must be having such a good-looking guy, an actual fashion model, must be so nice, and you only said nice things about him because it didn’t occur to you to complain, no, it would be silly to complain about someone you loved. That was part of loving someone, wasn’t it, being in love was putting up with these things and believing in their words. All those instances, prove what you’re doing, send a photo. Now. All that shit got you to this moment right here, right now, under this furious scrutiny, his dark brows furrowed, his pretty mouth twisted in a frown, his question ringing in your ears.

His accusation in which he had already deemed you guilty.

“The fuck you say to me?” you had growled softly.

Never once did you ask him what he was doing in the destination that he was at. Never once did you fault him for going out and having fun. Never once did you say anything about the multiple social posts of beaches and hotels and nightclubs and everyone scantily-clad, his arms around fellow models, pressed up against fabulous guys and glamorous girls. If he didn’t answer you for a couple days, you assumed it was due to long shoot days and combined jetlag making him crash. The very answer he gave you the first time you asked. You believed him then. There was no need to ask for confirmation over and over if you trusted him. And you did trust him.

Now, this.

“I was five minutes late. If I thought I would be later, I would have texted you,” you explained with emotionless calm. “At least I showed up. At least I didn’t make you sit down in the restaurant, wait around for an hour only to get a text that you aren’t coming. Not even a phone call anymore.”

You hadn’t raised your voice.

He had looked taken aback.

“But… I thought you would understand.”

“Of course, I understand.” The seething anger was white-hot but your tone was crystal-clear cold. “I can understand, as long as you show me some grace and appreciation for not losing my shit every time it happens. Am I not your priority? When have I ever been yours?”

He tried to answer quickly. “You’re always–”

But you were already pulling up the rideshare app, calling another car to come pick you up. “Am I? Then why accuse me the second I get out of the car? Where was I? In the taxi. You saw me get out of it. Why are you holding five minutes over my head like a death sentence, as if I surely betrayed you in those extra five minutes? If it’s you it could be five, thirty, hours, but I have to understand you are networking. I have to understand you are being personable. I have to understand that you are practicing being friendly because it doesn’t come naturally to you.”

Jungkook simply gawked at you, wide-eyed.

You narrowed your eyes, creating a distance he could no longer cross.

“Am I just here so you have someone to visit when you’re bored? Someone to fuck?”

Maybe the vulgarity was taking it too far. Maybe saying all of this in public right now was in poor taste. His jarring question rang in your head. Am I not your priority? Maybe you were wrong to say it all now, but it was the way he said it, as if your love for him had become invalid once you were five minutes late to the appointed time for this date that you didn’t know whether or not he would abandon you in the middle of or take you home and rock your world – and you realized you didn’t care what the outcome was.

You just didn’t give a fuck anymore.

There were so many things he could have done. He could break up with you if his career was more important. He could say sorry more. He could find ways to make it up to you. He could, but he didn’t, and you understood. But this. This you could not understand. This he could not do.

No.

This you would not let him do.

If this was innocent concern, he made it worse by coming off as suffocating and hovering. Now, you realized that no excuse would have been good enough to convince him otherwise. He had already made up his mind to attack you the second you walked out of that car, delivering in the fatal blow instantly. All those moments. All those times had become hair-thin cracks, marring the bond between you and him, tiny little slices to kill the relationship and your will to be in it.

“I don’t think…”

He trailed off, not completing his thought.

The car pulled up.

This was surely the meaning of quiet treason.

“No, you don’t,” you had finished for him with icy agreement. “You expect. You expect me to be here and hold your hand when you want it, and now I know you will never ask me if I ever need my hand held.”

You had stepped away from the curb, not once raising your voice, no longer looking at him, your knuckles digging into your beaded black clutch. You expected it to hurt at least a little.

It was nothing compared to this death by a thousand cuts.

“W-Wait!”

You didn’t.

You had opened the car door and closed it quickly. The driver  requested you to confirm your name. You tersely nodded. They didn’t ask any further questions even as you witnessed Jungkook’s shocked face in the side mirror as the vehicle drove away. You didn’t look back. You didn’t even cry. Maybe you should have given him a chance to say something. A chance to change.

Except you had.

This wasn’t the first time that you had this conversation, although the first time was you sitting him down and saying, hey, if you’re not sure about your schedule, let’s not arrange any dates around those days. We can go out when things settle down. The answer was agreement and all was well for a couple weeks. And then it would happen again. And then you would bring it up again. Whoops. And again.Then he would ask you what you were doing when he wasn’t there. Oh, really? Send pictures.You asking, this is a bit much, isn’t it? The answer being, I want to know you’re safe. You finally admitting that it drove you a bit crazy. Him laughing and saying he was a bit of a handful, brushing away your concerns in light of his own.

Five minutes.

Am I not your priority?

The anger had nowhere to go.

Like how summer turned into fall and then into winter, the anger grew cold and dense and concentrated. A stone. Then one day you turned it over and found nothing underneath. You stopped caring. On one hand, you could have been the bigger person and reached out. On another hand, you didn’t see the reason in wasting any more time. What good was closure? What good would it do, talking it out and getting the same result? Deserve this, deserve that. Fair or not, at the end of the day, it didn’t work and there was no forcing something if neither party wanted to really try. I understand, until you couldn’t anymore.

Now.

Now, you would sit alone at restaurants and not be disappointed.

Table for one, yes, thank you.

Now you would spend hours at the games store and no one would be asking you to take pictures and prove that you were there. He used to play video games too, but he gradually fell out of them. Busy. Felt like he couldn’t keep up. Sold his PC because he was never home.

Emptiness where he had once enjoyed spending that time with you.

You would stay at the music store for a long time, looking over albums and wondering if you should buy them. It had been such a long time. You never listened to CDs anymore although you had been obsessed with music as a kid. The past felt like a different time. Memories of a clunky CD player and wired headphones with the metal arch over your head and those spongey earcups. Now you had wireless earbuds and a phone. Still, you looked over the colorful albums and wondered if you should get one, just to have it or maybe even put it on display. He used to listen to a lot of music too. Probably still did, on planes and in cars. He used to share your taste.

Now you didn’t have to share anything.

You stuck with your favorites, still, for years. It was an ever-growing list of popular artists as well as lesser-known indie artists that you never forgot. You made sure to listen to the top hits as well since those songs were popular for a reason. The occasional earworm could lead you down a pleasant rabbit hole, too.

You picked up an album of a band you liked but had never owned and went home.

Got that dopamine unboxing it and smiling at the photocards. Looked through the extras with the album on repeat playing through your Bluetooth speaker. You didn’t do these kinds of things in front of Jungkook usually. You had always prioritized engaging with him. Listening to his stories, looking at the photos of places he had been, shaking your head at the long hours or difficult call times. Every moment precious because you would never know when it would be cut short.

You had made everything about him when in his presence.

You hadn’t blasted the relationship all over social media although it was obvious. For the most part, people had been respectful. You hadn’t deleted all the photos he was in, the photos he had taken of you, nor had you blocked him. People asked. You repeated the same thing over and over. I’m not going to talk about that. We can talk about something else. People eventually stopped asking. Old news was old news. There was no visible resentment, and so the interest died out.

You caught Jungkook looking at you from across the concessions stand at the movie theater.

Those big dark brown eyes filled with rueful invitation.

You didn’t know what movie he was going into, but you turned away and didn’t think about it much.

Watched the movie you paid for, alone.

Went home.

Alone.

You used to watch movies twice. Once by yourself when it released, then a second time when Jungkook could make it. When he could. Sometimes he couldn’t and the movie was already out of theaters. Then you both would watch it at home when it released on streaming services. It was what it was. You enjoyed movies. You had the time and money to watch them twice. But now you didn’t have to.

That was nice.

You weren’t sure if Jungkook was deliberately going places that you often frequented or if it was coincidence. It was likely the latter, because he usually wasn’t alone. He had a group of friends that lived in this area and often came to visit them. He used to joke that it must have been fate for you to meet as your friend circles didn’t overlap. At least he had not shown up to the video games store or the music store you usually went to, so you didn’t feel threatened in any way. Maybe he was visiting his friends more because he was sad. Maybe he was visiting them more in hopes of seeing you, the same tactic he used when he first asked you out. Maybe it was both.

It was probably both.

Sometimes you would cry in frustration.

Sometimes you would play games to distract yourself.

Sometimes you didn’t mind too much as the days passed. Sometimes you would look outside and admire the sun. Sometimes it would rain and that was nice too. Sometimes you were sad but it wasn’t a negative feeling. Such was the natural course. Sadness was the promise of happiness to come, because one couldn’t exist without the other.

At least, you believed so.

Ther wasn’t much more you could do than that.

For a bit there you had almost thought the relationship hadn’t mattered because you had walked away so coldly. In some ways, you wished you could take it back. In other ways, you didn’t. It was hard to discount years of your life simply because of how the chapter ended. There had definitely been unique experiences that you were unlikely to relive. You used to attend lavish parties with Jungkook, especially many around the holidays. You would dress up in your best and put on a brave face. A lovely dress, the high heels he brought you, carefully done makeup and hair. Jungkook would walk in with you gliding beside him, silently holding his arm. People would tell you how fun it was working with him and how lucky he was to have such a pretty and understanding lady. These were all work events full of unfamiliar faces. Jungkook used to be reserved and hang out with you in corners but, as he got more popular, more people roped him into conversations, remember this, and he would slip in with his friends, naturally, laughing and smiling. You would wait nearby, at yet another party surrounded by better bodies, and somehow he would find you at the end of the night, ask you if you had fun.

And you would smile and assure him.

“Something like that.”

The best parties were the ones thrown by his friend Kim Taehyung. He had been in the entertainment industry for a long time, becoming Jungkook’s friend though their crossed paths in modeling. He had an affliction for celebration and Jungkook was always invited, which meant you, too, bore witness to many magnificent events hosted by him. The most extravagant were his own birthday parties. Quite so, as the date was after Christmas, and he continued the festive mood. Taehyung loved a theme. He would rent specific venues, arrange for live music, impose a dress code, everything. One year, he flew everyone out to Paris and rented an entire restaurant to celebrate. Even if you barely knew anyone there, it was fun being in a different world created by Taehyung’s magical vision. Everyone was thrown into it together, experiencing the vibes of an old American jazz club, the white beaches with glass waters during Christmastime, or a playful night filled with Taehyung’s favorite childhood games and sweet treats, complete with food stalls from the area of Daegu he grew up in.

You didn’t fit in, but no one did because these were all Taehyung’s fantasies brought to life.

He always sent the invitations by physical mail, on stunning stationery to match the theme. Someone else must have created them, but seemingly Taehyung approved them all as every single one contained his unique flourishing signature. You kept them in a box. They were too pretty to throw away.

You had received an invitation this year too, to a midnight masquerade ball, but you didn’t go.

Perhaps he didn’t know yet. Or, perhaps he did know and Jungkook asked him to invite you. They were quite close. If there was a plan, you didn’t take the bait. The date came and went. Maybe Taehyung considered you a friend, but that was probably a stretch. Jungkook didn’t like you talking to Taehyung too much.

Apparently, you made him smile too big.

Or something.

Taehyung had an entire party to get to every time you met him, anyway. You would have to shoo him off because there was very little night and Taehyung wanted to speak to every guest one-on-one. He was sincere like that. He was romantic like that. He was dark and handsome and in his own head, in his constant dream of living his wonderful life that, from what you could discern, he deserved. He even always remembered to ask the staff working at his party to eat cake with them. At the end of the night, Taehyung would pick up the microphone and thank the guests for coming and thank the staff for working hard to provide everyone with a good time. Taehyung always remembered to say thank you and he always made sure to express his gratitude to everyone, no matter their status.

You missed being at his party, a little bit, if only just to witness a fairy-tale in real life.

But you weren’t part of Jeon Jungkook’s world anymore.

And so you missed the party.

Please love me again.

On quiet, grey days, you realized how very boring your life was. On quiet, grey days, you were tempted to think about the good times. About his laugh, about his starry eyes when you came into view, about enchanted nights where you would both make magic between bodies. On quiet, grey days, you were tempted to pick out all his flaws until the memories were burned, images stricken with ash, never to be the same again. On quiet, grey days, you had every chance to run back or run away, at least in your head, but instead you lived your very boring life doing neither of those choices.

Whether you loved him or hated him, the result would still be the same.

You entered the artisan tea shop and greeted the staff. You talked about how your father was into tea, chatted about what would make a good gift. The prices of the sets. The amount of loose-leaf tea and how many cups it would make. The various flavors and strength. You smelled a bunch of different ones. Rejected some, remained indecisive about others, accepted a few as contenders.

You heard the bell by the door chime again, musical and clear.

A male’s voice, deep and polite.

You tensed. Your body knew before your mind caught up. You pointed to several flavors you had liked, and the employee suggested a gift box sampler featuring a watercolor camellia-printed limited-edition teacup set that you agreed to readily, all the while vaguely aware of a tingling behind your neck and a vigilant tension forming in your lungs. But it wasn’t until your name was called that you turned around by instinct, and then froze with recognition. Dark brown eyes under graceful black-brown waves. Tan skin glimmering under the lights. The image completed by a three-piece chocolate brown suit paired with a ruffled warm gray dress shirt and sharp dark leather oxfords. The stylish man smiled widely, box-like, and walked towards you without hesitation.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

Kim Taehyung must have known, and yet.

You bowed lightly. “Hello.”

The sales associate was immediately charmed by Taehyung’s deep voice and dashing appearance, their gloved hands hovering over the half-packed box and openly ogling the demandingly handsome gentleman that took your hand warmly before lightly kissing your knuckles. Straight out of a movie. Probably learned it from one, or from traveling in Europe. He let go after a lingering moment.

He had said your name with the same velvety warmth he had at all of his parties.

It had hurt, but it wasn’t his fault.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you buying something?” He raised his head and daintily smiled at the employee before giving you his full attention again. “Let me pay for it.”

“No, ah,” you interrupted him quickly, handing over your card before Taehyung could reach into his heavily lined pockets. “No, sorry. I’m buying a gift for my father.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he apologized immediately, retracting his hands. “I meant to do something nice for you and I’ve overstepped.”

“It’s… It’s alright,” you chuckled softly, trying to dissipate the awkwardness. You turned slightly to sign the receipt, not looking at the price. Your card went back into your black leather bow purse. “You had no way of knowing. How are you? And your parents?”

Taehyung was still a little sheepish but he remained next to you at a respectful distance. “Me? I guess you could say I’m holding on. I think I might take a small break soon and spend a week with my family. How did you know I was thinking of them?” He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a mind-reader.”

You shook your head with a smile, taking the beautifully wrapped bag and bowing in gratitude to the employee. “No, you’ve just never been a big tea drinker. It was only a guess.”

He scratched the back of his head and sighed lightheartedly. “Ah, you’re right. I wanted to buy a grown-up gift, but maybe I should have asked what they wanted. I don’t know the first thing about tea.”

You both began to walk towards the entrance.

“You’re their adorable child. They will love anything you gift them.”

Taehyung grinned. “So, you think I’m adorable?”

You opened your mouth and then.

Then you were suddenly hyperaware of the brightness of the lights in the tea store. Suddenly aware of all the customers around you milling about and chatting with their friends and the employees. Suddenly the scents of the store were too strong and too varied and suddenly a phantom grip on your arm from a time long past pulled you away from your center, into the past, and you remembered all the times you stood in a corner of a party, on the outskirts of alcohol, music, and magic, wondering why you were so, so alone.

You plastered a smile on your face and replied pleasantly.

“Of course, you are, Kim Taehyung.”

It lasted a second.

Maybe less.

Taehyung gazed at you with curious eyes.

You kept the smile on your face.

He stepped past you and opened the door, gesturing you to walk out before him in the most gentlemanly way, smiling with his eyes crinkling as they usually did when he laughed or was in his comfort zone. “Come. Let me at least treat you to lunch,” he insisted.

You accepted his graciousness and turned as you walked to face him as you spoke. “That’s really not necessary. I’m sure you’re very busy.”

He chuckled, the sound coming deep from his chest. “Of course, I’m busy, but I always have time for a friend.” He shrugged nonchalantly, grinning. “My manager expects this kind of behavior from me anyway.”

You paused, looking up at him. “Friend?”

Flutters of lashes and confusion in dark brown orbs.

“Are we not friends?”

People around you continued walking, giving you and Taehyung weird looks. He didn’t seem to notice, undeterred by the world around him that wasn’t currently in his focus, the main character at every moment in his life, oblivious to anyone trying to get under his skin with their judgements, never the accessory to someone else.

It turned out to be more difficult than you thought, saying the words.

“I… well… Don’t you know that Jeon Jungkook and I aren’t dating anymore?”

Taehyung tilted his head with childlike innocence.

“Um… so you don’t eat lunch anymore?”

You blinked at him.

“Huh?”

He gave you this look. You stared back. For a moment the disconnect was so tangible that you almost had a word for it. A zephyr ruffled Taehyung’s soft curls. The sun made his skin glow and his dark eyes sparkle. Small signs of Mother Nature affectionately acknowledging one of her children. He smiled. It was then that you realized this was a decision you could make. A decision of a lonely self, not a lonely self that was an extension of another. A yes or no that didn’t have to be polluted by the past.

“Well…”

Your hands tightened on the straps of the gift bag.

“If you’ll have me.”

Taehyung grinned. “I know just the spot! You’ll love it.”

-

It was nice lunch.

No, it was wonderful time.

You had been worried that you would be underdressed in your calf-length flowy black dress and chunky knit lavender cardigan, but you fit right in. Taehyung had picked a busy rooftop brunch spot. It was French-themed, or at least as French as Korea could get. There was a bit more wood than brass and crystals. It still made for a nice hideaway. It seemed Taehyung was well recognized here, and yet people maintained a distance regardless. It must have been his polite yet stern demeanor. When he sat down though, he seemed to relax, waving a hand and telling you to order whatever you liked.

You never could turn down good brioche.

You thought it would have been awkward, at least. It wasn’t. He talked about his work, asked about yours. Asked what you thought about this or that. Memories from past events, what you liked or didn’t like. What he paid too much for that nobody noticed, along with a hearty laugh, and moments he loved, such as having a group photo at every one of his events. You asked him if he enjoyed planning the events themselves. He confessed with a roughish smile that he had a planner for all those details. You thought it strange to spend so much money on such occasions, but there was something pure about it too. Besides, you ended up getting your answer.

“What’s the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?” Taehyung abruptly asked, sitting up in alarm.

You blinked at his suddenness. “Uh… I don’t know. I would have to think about it.” Your lips upturned slightly, then you tilted your head and looked back at him. “What about you? What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?”

He relaxed back in his chair. His expression became pensive. You paused in mid-bite, seeing him look a bit sheepish.

“You’re not the first person to ask me about the parties,” Taehyung chuckled deep from his chest. “A lot of people tell me it’s a waste of money. And it is to other people, but it isn’t to me. The most important lesson I’ve ever learned was…”

He raised his head with a small smile.

“You can’t get time back.”

You remembered the extensive decor, the delicate hors d'oeuvres, even the various perfumes sprayed into the air complimenting the theme of each party. Exquisite and memorable details. Taehyung ticked his head, seemingly recalling it all too.

“I think I’ve mentioned this, but my grandmother was the closest maternal figure I had,” he explained, fondly smiling. “I’m close to my parents too, but they had to work a lot to give me a good life, so I spent a lot of time with my siblings and grandparents. My grandmother used to hold celebrations for the achievements I had, even if they were mediocre or not that impressive. Nothing extravagant, or anything. A little cake or my favorite sweets. She would sing for me and clap her hands. She would say, it’s my duty to give you good memories. As I got older, I became busy, of course, chasing dreams, and I didn’t make time for her small celebrations any more. I was just out of university when she passed away. I often think I hadn’t spent enough time with her. Time is money, as they say. Next time, I would say, until there wasn’t a next time.”

The weight of his words settled on the table.

“It’s not your fault,” you reminded him, but Taehyung simply smiled and shook his head.

“It wasn’t anybody’s fault,” he agreed. “But that wasn’t it. I couldn’t get all that time back. Sure, did I take jobs that put me in a really good place now? Yeah. Yeah, of course, I make a lot of money now since young me jumped at every chance to model for a small brand or do a single-run commercial. I really love my career. I love that, because I did the hard work, I even get offers to act in primetime dramas now. But I should have made less. I should have made time. I should have gone to see her and let her do her duty to give me good memories.”

He waved his hands in a slight shrug. You could tell he was still regretful about it, but there was something else too. He looked directly at you with that boxy grin of his.

“I decided, then, that I too wanted to give good memories to the people that are precious to me. I have all this money, anyway. Why waste it on things? I want to waste it on memories. I want people to look forward to special days, to celebrate life, to look back on a fun time.”

So that was why.

“That is what is really important to me.”

Kim Taehyung wasn’t only good looks, of course.

“I’ve yapped long enough. What is really important to you?” he asked again, chuckling.

“Oh, I…”

And there were no words.

You straightened, startled by your own silence. There were lots of important things, weren’t there? There was… and there wasn’t. Friends, sure. And, also, friends came in and out of your life. You didn’t take it personally. Family, yes. Cordial but not deep. They had their own lives to live. You almost opened your mouth to say these generic things, and then you caught the look in Taehyung’s eye and stopped.

This basic question was not so basic after all.

“I… Am I boring?” you blurted with a start.

“Boring?” Taehyung frowned. “No, you’re not.”

Your brows furrowed. “Aren’t I?”

He laughed, hearty and deep. “Trust me. You’re not boring. We wouldn’t be having a conversation if you were boring.”

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why are we having a conversation?”

Taehyung smiled warmly.

“Because I appreciate your outlook on life.”

You were taken aback.

“What?”

He nodded. “Isn’t it obvious?” He waved a hand carelessly. “I’ve met so many people doing what I do. Some people are just nice to you because of money. Or think you can boost their reputation. Or they think they can take advantage of you. You’ve been around all that too, no?” He did not mention Jungkook.

“Oh, well…” you hesitated. “Not anymore. I’m pretty ordinary.”

A small frown. “No, everyone is extraordinary.”

You scoffed. “I’m only an accountant. Not even one that works closely with my own clients – I’m just the one at the firm that does the final review over everyone’s work to make sure we don’t get into legal trouble. That’s nothing like what you do.”

He impatiently swept your words away. “Everyone is extraordinary,” he repeated.

“I don’t think–”

“You are different,” Taehyung pressed. “You had been introduced to a different world than your own and you could have been a vulture. You could have taken for your own sake. You could have done everything you could to be ‘one of us’. You could have scorned us too, called it all superficial and stupid. But you didn’t.” He crossed his arms to make his point. “You observed. You listened. You treated me, the people around me, everyone as their own person. We weren’t just some dumb rich people to you. We were individuals.”

You didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t something you had ever consciously thought about before.

“There are so many people that believe in using others, either in a beneficial way or in a cruel way,” sighed Taehyung. “It’s a difficult world. We all need to live.” He reached over and made you jump by placing his hand over the back of yours. “Don’t give up on that, okay?”

Your stared at him with wide eyes. “On… what?”

Almost. You didn’t quite have an answer for the most important lesson in your life you had learned so far. But almost. Kim Taehyung cocooned his palm over your hand and trapped you with his determined brown eyes, straight from a drama scene. A heavenly prince in a fancy café. He looked back to you very seriously, taking all of your attention away from the whispering conversations on other tables, away from the clinking plates and glasses, away from all distractions.

“Don’t give up on the way you want to live.”

Those small moments.

From eating dinner alone to watching movies alone to buying that album and unboxing it yourself to looking outside, days and nights, wondering what could have been and killing that thought over and over again.

“The way… I want to live?” you echoed breathlessly.

The clear, musical chime of the bell by the entrance sang through the air, mingling with the conversation and consumption. A halo of sound that rang true over every table to reach every customer. It was as striking as it was lovely, flawlessly melding into the moment. A pure sound that could trigger a pleasant déjà vu, the recall of a good chat over good food.

Taehyung grinned with his beautiful, perfectly white teeth.

“I want you to have good memories. Whatever you decide, let us make good memories with those precious to us.”

You decided, then and there, that you needed to start doing things.

-

“Oh, good, you’re home. That would have been awfully embarrassing.”

“W-What…?”

You backed up in your slippers as a stunningly well-dressed man flourished into your home like an astronaut landing on the moon. That was, if the moon was your front door. The black mat was space-themed, printed with abstract stars and a grayish circle. It wasn’t entirely inaccurate. Your pajamas were also soft black cotton with a twinkly star print, although your slippers were simple, white furry poofs that felt like walking on clouds.

“Take this.”

“What is – oof!”

In contrast to your outfit, the man who had entered your home looked like he had stepped off the runway. He wore light blue trousers that you almost mistook for jeans, however they had a tone-on-tone print that clearly indicated the luxury designer. Underneath the navy-blue duster coat was a crisp white shirt pressed to the gods with distinctive sky-blue trim. A quick glimpse and anyone would know the inner lining of the duster was blue silk, the matching tone-on-tone print subtle and obvious at the same time. You nearly buckled under the weight of a wooden box, gasping as you saw the slices of high-grade beef in a gold bow. The man gestured with his hand in a swooping manner.

“I heard all about it from Taehyung,” he was saying, shrugging his broad shoulders heavily.

“Heard…?” You were still reeling from the unexpected guest and a box of meat. “What’s this, I can’t accept th–”

The man shot you a scathing look. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he chided, dismissive. “How unbelievably rude I would be dropping by your home if I didn’t have a gift? Psh, why, I wouldn’t be Kim Seokjin!”

And so he was.

Although, as far as you knew, you and famous-actor-turned-businessman Kim Seokjin were not close friends. Not close enough to be gifted with a house call and meat, anyway. He had been close to Jeon Jungkook back then. They often sought each other out when they both attended the same events. You were well aquatinted with Seokjin’s boisterous personality and his worldwide-known handsomeness. He was no different today, looking sculpted from jawline to broad shoulders to the regal way he stood. Glowing skin. Lightly permed, chestnut brown hair. Full lips, currently in a slight frown.

You bowed awkwardly. “S-Sorry, I just didn’t expect…”

“Ah, it’s alright.” He called you by name, although somewhat awkwardly, as if he was unsure if he should be more formal or not. “I won’t take too much of your time.”

You were still confused about Seokjin saying he had heard something from Taehyung. Actually, you didn’t even know how he got your address, although it wasn’t impossible. After all, Taehyung’s party invitations came in snail mail. It wasn’t that shocking. You probably might have been more annoyed if you were in the middle of something, but all you had been doing was getting ready to heat up some leftover takeout. You shuffled slightly, trying to block the view of the kitchen counter. Not necessarily embarrassed, per se, as your apartment was quite spacious and neat, but nothing here was comparable to Kim Seokjin’s lifestyle. It was kind of pointless to do so, though, since Seokjin was quite tall.

He seemed not to notice or care about the current state of your kitchen.

You stood there, dazed, clutching a box of high-grade beef.

He cleared his throat very firmly. “I came to invite you to the opening of my new establishment. Two weeks from now.” He rattled off the opening date. “But don’t come on opening day. It’ll be too crowded. Some day after. Let me know when and I’ll make special arrangements for you,” he added, stepping forward to tuck his business card into one of the folds of the gold bow. “Call the number on there. My assistant will connect me to you. I can link you with talented professionals if you are interested, which I’ll pay for, of course.”

“I– What – I’m sorry?” you sputtered. “Me?”

The handsome man exaggeratedly whipped his head from side to side. “Uh, do I see anyone else? Yes, of course, you,” he affirmed gruffly. “I came to invite you in person.”

“Well…” This must be how deer felt when confronted with headlights. “I’m not trying to be rude, but, uh… why?”

Seokjin looked offended. “Why? So you can meet people, silly.”

You struggled to connect the information given to you but he was not making it easy. “Meet people?”

“Yes,” he tutted. “You want to meet people, don’t you?”

Did you? You gave him a confused look.

“As Taehyung said,” Seokjin continued as if you completely understood. “People like you need to be surrounded by good people. And I happen to know a lot of them. We need people like you in this industry.”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t have any intention of–”

“Precisely.” He barreled on as if your front entryway was his own stage. “That is precisely why.”

Silence.

A bird cawed outside.

“H… Hah?”

Something in his expression softened. You almost forgot the weight of the wood box in your hands. You almost forgot the ridiculousness of you in your pajamas and Kim Seokjin in his luxury designer clothes. You almost forgot that you were in a completely different class, completely out of your element, completely ordinary.

He sighed and slipped his hands into his pants pockets, neatly tucking back his coat. “Look, I understand if you absolutely don’t want to have anything to do with me and the others. I don’t blame you. But,” he added, nodding lightly. “Your presence is missed. I do believe your interactions with those around you have done them a world of good. Maybe not everyone, yes, but you’re still spoken of, even now.”

“What…?” You blinked, doubtful. “Really?”

Seokjin chuckled, nodding. “You are good company.”

You thought all those times. All those events, dinners, parties. You mostly remembered Jungkook letting you be. Sure, you had light conversation with those around you. You couldn’t remember all their faces. They had been simple conversations, you thought, but they weren’t superficial once you really thought about it. You didn’t have basic industry chatter to talk about, so instead you had asked about aspirations. Asked why instead of what. Why acting? Why modeling? Why entertainment? Talks of the past, the present, the future. Pretty normal, you thought, but maybe…

Maybe it was more normal to ask what they were achieving.

Maybe it wasn’t so normal to ask who someone was.

“Anyway,” Seokjin coughed, breaking you out of your daze. “I wanted to give you ample time to think about it.”

“More than two weeks?” you mused.

He waved a hand. “Don’t know about you, but I need time to schedule and plan things. I need time to get myself ready to interact,” he muttered, half-joking and half-bitterly.

The meat was getting heavy. “Ah… What’s the dress code?”

“Aish, didn’t I tell you?” Seokjin tapped the side of his head. “Think about it. Then give me a call, and I’ll arrange for hair and makeup and fashion. No, don’t even bother asking about price. I’m inviting you to introduce you to people, so I am paying. End of discussion. And…”

A loaded pause.

Tick of the head and Seokjin very seriously asked you.

“If Jeon Jungkook is there, will you be fine?”

You answered honestly.

“I don’t think it will be an issue.”

He surveyed you for a long second and then nodded.

“Alright. Let me know when you’ve decided. Have a nice night. Don’t hesitate to contact me if I can help in some way. I’m not a stranger. By the way.” He added one last comment before leaving, spinning back around with a hand on your now open door and the other pointing to the side of the box. “The butcher shop I purchased this from is owned by a friend of mine. Make sure to send your family and friends his way once you taste how delicious and high-quality it is.”

-

You walked into the nightclub, oddly at peace among the blaring music and bustling bodies, stepping into a world of light and dark and pushing boundaries.

The past couple hours had been spent in a chair, fussed over by a detailed makeup artist and equally talented hairdresser. It had been more enjoyable than you originally thought. Perhaps it had been Seokjin’s excellent choices or their own expertise. They even both asked for your input and offered their advice. It felt like a joint effort. Even the fashion stylist who came later was as informative as they were considerate. You had found out that they had taken your name and your photos to have your fortune read and performed color analysis, respectively. That explained why Seokjin had asked you to take those plain photos. This had made color and style selection much simpler, as you naturally liked all the choices. You were no stranger to tight outfits, although this type of nightlife was not the kind of place you frequented. The stylist had brought a rack of choices, and just in case, a black slip dress looks good on everyone, and all of them were compelling in one way or another. All nightclub appropriate. You asked what to try first. The stylist had asked you how you were feeling.

Feeling?

The answer came out before you could stop it.

“Like revenge.”

You had laughed it off, and so had the staff, but you had seen the gleam in their eyes as if they, too, relished in being part of this so-called revenge.

Well, they were.

You weren’t perfectly sure if this was actual revenge yet, no. You were certainly dressed for it. Black lace corset. Tight lilac short skirt. Black patent leather jacket cropped so severely that it was nearly a bolero. Delicate black pumps with a thin ankle strap. The kind that was a bit fiddly to get on, but was worth it in the end. There was a power in this type of outfit, the kind that made you hold your head high and walk alone with confidence. Perhaps similar to a superhero costume. Just as impractical, too, heh. But that was okay. You weren’t here to prevent any crimes.

Just commit them.

Maybe.

In any case, you weren’t even sure what was going to happen tonight. Something had been planned for you, so you walked in and looked around, wondering if you should ask for help. The luxury was obvious from every corner of the building. From the furniture choices to the expansive bar to the crisp, pressed uniforms of the employees, every detail oozed sophistication. You admired the tastefulness of it, surprised that it didn’t feel gaudy or overdone. Must be the refined touch of Kim Seokjin. Even the clientele was jaw-dropping. You spared a moment to look from face to face, wondering if you should be less obvious about it, but then some paused and gazed back, unafraid, offering a simple smile.

They didn’t know you didn’t really belong, yet.

The sheep’s clothing worked, then.

You almost laughed at your own unspoken joke, and then, either compelled by fate, chance, or some mixture of both, your eyes rose and you saw him. It was definitely him. It was only the back of his head and black leather, but you knew it was him even before he turned around.

Jeon Jungkook.

You had seen him many times after the fact. However, this time was the first time that you came with weapons at your disposal, subtle as they were. For a moment, you wondered what to do. You stared as those brooding dark eyes widened in surprise. His hair was slicked back. Leather jacket, white tank, dark jeans, probably black boots. You couldn’t see it all from this angle. Still, you knew him too well. He wasn’t a suit-and-tie breed unless he was forced by the occasion. And, anyway.

You had mildly hoped that he would dress down these days, as it both suited him and reflected your preferred personal taste.

Egotistical, yes, and, now that you could see, true.

You broke the gaze first, seeing a waiter approach you. Bowed lightly, walking with him as he explained what was in store tonight, and yet your mind was still fixated on that shocked gaze from the far table up above. It did register that you were going up the stairs too, but somehow you knew that you weren’t going near that table.

You wondered if he regretted everything.

You wondered if he saw you differently now, dressed up and on a mission.

You wondered if Jeon Jungkook understood, truly, how deeply he had hurt you with his misdemeanors and you wondered if you, truly, understood how you didn’t help by always sweeping said misdemeanors under the metaphorical rug. You wondered if there was a chance for reconciliation or if this was all a big mistake. Maybe this was only another instance of two ships silently passing in the night. A pair of parallel lines that would never intersect. Or… would this become a pattern that could only be completed by intersection?

Whichever one it was, it was going to be evident tonight.

You raised your head, seeing a champagne bottle and another of expensive liquor.

“Are you ready?”

Your eyes shifted and you smiled up at the waitress.

“Yes, I am.”

She smiled and bowed her way out. Revenge. You savored the word. You had never thought of it that way, but then again that was because you always believed in the higher road. In enduring. That was how strength was formed. Vindication was unladylike and uncouth. Or so the story goes. You became aware that you were being watched.

I don’t belong here.

You twisted your body and stared directly into Jeon Jungkook’s eyes.

He pivoted away immediately. Unable to hold your gaze. Ashamed, probably. You pondered quietly. He brought you into this. All this around you – beauty, opulence, and the shadows between gold. Even without him, your connection to these people remained because his friends believed in you for some reason. You agreed, because maybe there was still something here for you.

But that was no reason to believe that you belonged here nor to act like it.

You realized, suddenly, that some part of you still thought you had to keep up the front.

“Excuse me.”

You looked up to a man who had the expression of a pleased kitty cat. His eyes disappeared from his smile. Radiant, cream skin. Long, bleached-blond hair that was half-tied back from his face but still skimmed along his shoulders. He wore a suit and tie, perfectly tailored, and was noticeably shorter than nearly everyone here. Then again, almost everyone here was a model, in high heels, or both.

“Did I interrupt?” he asked lightly, his intonation hinting at a Busan dialect.

“Oh, no,” you answered with a shake of your head. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me to space out like that. Please, sit down.”

The man laughed behind his hand before pulling out the chair and sitting down. He had elegant fingers that reminded you of a pianist. “It was cute,” he commented, somewhat shyly, before turning away and clearing his throat. He faced you once again, composed now, and bowed in greeting, stating his name.

You hurriedly did the same.

“I hope I’m not thinking too highly of myself by sitting here with you.”

You shook your head. “No, no. I want this to be an open invitation.” You poured him a glass of liquor to start off the night. He had a noticeable presence. Not a towering one, rather, as someone who knew himself well. Still, you could sense an introverted soul. “Don’t feel too pressured. I only want to ask a question.”

His eyebrows raised, curious. “A question?”

You smiled. “Yes. And I want you to promise to answer honestly.”

His lips upturned thoughtfully. There was something playful about his expressions. Very cute. Perhaps unintentional. “A promise right away to a stranger?”

You allowed yourself a little mischief. “Do I look like I could hurt anyone?”

The man across the table caught the bait and toyed with it. An expert. “Maybe. But that doesn’t mean It wouldn’t be pleasant.” He smiled again, with that same kitty cat contentment, and nodded. “Okay, I’m ready to tell the truth. You only get one chance. Use it well.” His tone teased, but his voice was sincere.

The question.

You stared into a stranger’s eyes and asked.

“What is the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?”

-

i hear... | ... the whispers... | ... in your eyes.

--

masterpost

[jacesvelaryons]

english love affair

social media au

kpop idol!reader x tom blyth

fc: jennie kim

i love making these and have some in my drafts so feel free to send requests/face claim requests/suggestions

(ps: i had to redo this bc the first time i posted not only did it not post, it didn’t save any of my changes so i had to do it again. 😭)

Requests are OPEN for both soc med aus and blurbs for Tom and his characters

yourusername

liked by zendaya and others

@calvinklein

hunterschafer beautiful girl

liked by yourusername

↪️yourusername that’s you babes 😘

taylorswift so proud of you hon

lola.tung can’t wait to see your pretty face all on the billboards AHH

tomblyth ❤️

liked by yourusername

↪️ user23 OH?

↪️ fan98 they know each other?

↪️ user9 and she liked!

user8 insert olivia wilde nodding meme

random56 when you’re that girl!

username7 y/n world domination she’s a singer dancer rapper songwriter producer model like what can she not do

ynfans

liked by randomuser and others

y/n has now followed actor tom blyth who has recently stared in the new hunger games movie the ballad of songbirds and snakes!

he has previously liked and commented on her recent post, and she’s stated previously that she’s a fan of the trilogy and has watched this new movie multiple times!

ynfan98 this is interesting bc she barely follows ppl as it is

user76 the way she’s barely active on social media and does this she’s so old lady coded 😭

user12 DID YALL SEE TOMS THIRST TRAP

↪️ user8 HIS WHAT?!

↪️ username6 YES SKDKDK not even a few hours since she followed now he’s like this

↪️ random87 real because i’d be thirst trapping to get her attention

tomblyth

liked by yourusername and others

outtakes from my recent vogue italia shoot

user1 ok thirst trap

ynfan NOT HIM POSTING THIS RIGHT AFTER YOURNAME FOLLOWS HIM BACK

↪️ random488 HES SO REAL

↪️ user978 IM CRYING HES SO HOT

↪️ user11 AND IT WORKED SHE LIKED BACK

rachelzegler you look okay i guess 🙄

↪️ tomblyth i’ll take it

mayahawke looking good my boy

↪️ tomblyth 👍

↪️ random5 his millennial ahh reply 😭

liked by mayahawke

yourusername stunning

liked by tomblyth

↪️ user12 not him acting coy after that thirst trap when she followed him 😭

↪️ user9 he thinks he’s slick when he’s probably fangirling she’s noticing him

user12 how did they meet not my worlds colliding

↪️ random1 probably rachel introduced them yk how rach is a social butterfly

liked by rachelzegler

↪️ user9 see? rach liking just confirms it she set them up

blythnation

liked by tbfns and others

tom’s now deleted story (1.12.2024)

user097 not him deleting this naurrr

tomfans wait my friends said they saw him in london what is he doing there if he ain’t filming anything?

user64 wait the shoes he’s holding look like something yn would wear at the recent gala in london hold on 👀👀

↪️ username678 you’re so right cause coincidence i think not

↪️ random75 maybe he went as her date! it’s a big night for her and her career. how sweet!

yourusername

liked by naomi and others

A huge honour to receive the Honorary MBEs and attend the South Korea-UK State Banquet at Buckingham Palace 🎖️💂‍♀️

onyourm_ark congrats y/nnie!

↪️ yourusername thanks markles im gonna cry omg

↪️ johnnyjsuh so proud of you y/n 🎉🥳

dualipa you’re one of us now 🥰🥰

↪️ yourusername kisses kisses hugs hugs

↪️ user87 one of us like 👀interesting

↪️ person97 cause she got an english man too

oliviarodrigo congrats my love!

liked by yourusername

↪️ yourusername thank you angel ✨

↪️ random97 wait both my girls booed up by english boys they’re on the same wavelength

username188 am i dreaming or does the shoes on tom’s deleted story match her dress

↪️ ynfan I SEE IT OMG did they go together

↪️ fan65 my cousin who works at the palace apparently heard he entered through the private back entrance to attend the ball and seated where he’s not visible by the camera

↪️ user97 so cute for her to bring him as a date! must be serious tho

↪️ randomuser7 great he attended and supported her during one of the biggest nights of her career but didn’t hog the spotlight

↪️ user121 a real man wouldn’t be threatened by a woman’s success

liked by yourusername

↪️ user53 exactly yn deserves someone who knows his place and that she’s a star and not to be jealous and try to stifle her talent and creativity and personality

yourusername posted a story

[flameraven]

Very thoughtful commentary about artists, Neil Gaiman in particular, and parasocial relationships more generally. Excerpt:

1. Stop Idolizing Creative People. Creative people are easy to idolize because they create the art you love, and that gives you permission to feel things, and to see yourself and your desires reflected in that art. That is a powerful thing, and from the outside, it can feel like magic, and that the people who do it are tapped into something otherworldly and admirable. Plus, they often get to have cool lives and get to know other cool creative people. They do things that are removed from the day-to-day aspect of a “normal” life, and they’ll even post about them on social media where you can see them. Sometimes, independent of their art directly, they’ll speak about their life, or life in general, and they’ll seem wise and considered and kind. I mean, what’s not to like?

But please consider that this is all an extremely mediated experience of this person. The art is the edited and massaged result of hours and days and weeks and months of work, into which the work of many others is also added. My novels originate from me, but it’s not just me in there, nor is the final form of the novel an accurate statement of who I am as a person, not least of all for the simple reason that I am not trying to tell my story in my novels. I’m creating fictional characters, and the world in which they make sense, for the purpose of the story.

Despite how it might look from the outside, this is not sorcery. It’s years of experience at a craft. It’s not magic, just work. A completed novel (or any other piece of art) won’t tell you much about the specific, day-to-day life and inclinations of the individual who made it, other than a general nod toward their competence, and the competence of their collaborators. Likewise what you see of their lives, even from the illusorily close vantage of social media, is deeply mediated. Lives always look admirable at a distance, when you can only see the lofty peaks and not the rubble at the base — especially when your attention by design is pointed at those lofty peaks. There’s much you don’t see and that you’re not meant to see. The vast majority of what you’re not meant to see isn’t nefarious. It’s just not your business.

Now, before I was a professional creative person, I was an entertainment journalist who spent years interviewing writers, directors, movie stars, musicians, authors and other creative folks. Since I’ve been on the other side of the rope, I’ve likewise met a huge range of creative people from all walks of life. Please believe me when I assure you that creative people are just people. Richer and/or more famous? Sometimes (less often than you might think, though). Prettier and/or more charismatic? Especially if they’re actors or pop stars, often yes! But at the end of the day they are just folks, and they run the whole range of how people are. By and large, the day-to-day experience of getting through their life is the same as yours. Outside of their own specific field of work, they don’t know any more about life, have no more facility for dealing with the world, and have just as few clues about what’s going on in their own head, as anyone else.

They’re just people. Whose work is making the stuff you like! And that’s great, but that’s not a substantive basis for idolizing them. It makes no more sense to idolize them than to idolize a baker who makes cookies you like, or the guy who comes and trims your hedges the way you want them to be trimmed, or the plumber who fixes your clogged drain. You can appreciate what they do, and even admire the skill they have. But holding them up as a life model might be a bit much. Which is the point! If you’re not willing to idolize a plumber, then you shouldn’t idolize a creative person.

(“But a plumber doesn’t make me feel like a creative person does,” you say, to which I say, are you sure about that? Because I will tell you what, when my sump pump stopped working and the plumber got in there, replaced the pump and started draining out my basement which had an inch of standing water in it, that man was the focus of all my emotions and was my goddamned hero that day. My plumber that day did more for me than easily 90% of the great art I’ve ever experienced.)

Enjoy the art creative people do. Enjoy the experience of them in the mediated version of them you get online and elsewhere, if such is your joy. But remember that the art is from the artist, not the artist themselves, and the version of their life you see is usually just the version they choose to show. There is so much you don’t see, and so much you’re not meant to see. At the end of the day, you don’t have all the information about who they are that you would need to make them your idol, or someone you might choose to, in some significant way, pattern some fraction of your life on. And anyway creative people aren’t any better at life than anyone else.

Which brings up the next point:

2. Fuck idols anyway! People are complicated and contradictory and you don’t know everything about them! You don’t know everything even about your parents or siblings or best friends or your partner! People are hypocrites and liars and fail to live up to their own standards for themselves, much less yours! Your version of them in your head will always be different than the version that actually exists in the world! Because you’re not them! Stop pretending people won’t be fuck ups! They will! Always!

This sounds more pessimistic about humans than perhaps it should be. When I say, for example, that people are hypocrites and liars, I don’t mean that people take every single opportunity to be hypocrites and liars. Most people are decent in the moment. But none of us — not one! — has always lived up to our own standard of behavior, and all of us have had the moment where, when confronted with a situation that would become an immense pain in the ass if we stuck to our guns, or demanded the inconvenient truth, decided to just bail instead, because the situation wasn’t worth the drama, or we had somewhere else to be, or whatever. We all choose battles and we all make the call in the moment, and sometimes the call is, fuck this, I’m out.

Every person you’ve ever admired has fucked up, sometimes really badly. Everyone you’ve ever looked up to has secrets, and it’s possible some of those secrets would materially change how you think about them, not always for the better. Everyone you’ve ever known has things about them you don’t know, many of which aren’t even secrets, they’re just things you don’t engage with in your day-to-day experience of them. Nevertheless it’s possible if you were aware of them, it would change how you feel about them, for better or for worse. And now let’s flip that around! You have things about you that even your best friends don’t know, and might be surprised to learn! You have secrets you don’t wish to share with the class! You have fucked up, and lied, and have been a hypocrite too!

You are, in short, a human, as is everyone you know and every one you will know (pets and gregarious wild animals excepted). And all humans are, charitably, a mess. This doesn’t mean there aren’t good people or even exemplary people out there, since there are, along with the ones that are, charitably, a real shit show. What I am saying is that even the good or exemplary people out there are a mess, have been morally compromised at some point in their lives, and have not lived up to their own standards for themselves, independent of anyone else’s standard for them.

[jinxedmuse]

secret dating idol!svt — 95z line, & if you guys get caught

authors note: idk this just seemed fun! i wanna release a one shot for another member but i’m stuck between which one ;-; so for now we have this plz enjoy!!!

warnings: uhm reader is famous but it fluctuates between each member (ie: actor, idol, etc)? , should be gender neutral but tbh may (???) come off as fem.

choi seungcheol

probably another idol (+ leader) he liked how you managed your group and definitely gives off the vibe he’d approach first if he was really interested.. which thankfully, he was!

dates (although rare bcs ur both busy taking care of ur children, ie: team members lol) definitely consist of: driving around the very low-key parts of seoul, pre reserved dinners at extremely exclusive restaurants, weekend golf dates at elite and selective country clubs (with matching outfits), and obviously going over his place to sleep in and play w/ kkuma!

surprises you with gifts every time you can meet! or, he’ll just have it directly ordered to your place. definitely have an over flow of couple items like that man is as obvious as can be without completely blowing the lid over??

he wants matching couple rings sooo bad but he knows that svt is known for their pinky rings & people would immediately notice if he had another one that he suspiciously never took off.. hm? so he’d opt for matching sweat suits (ie: hoodie/sweatpants sets/athletic sets/lounge sets etc). he’d buy you the gray ver of his all black adidas sweatsuit and everyone would be like.. wait a min? but also can’t pin point if they’re overthinking it (hint: they’re not ;)

when things get serious, and they most likely will, he’s probably the best long term partner ever.

yes, he’s a man at the end of the day so obviously he’d wanna have fun and we do not know him outside svt content BUT i feel like he already has so much responsibilities to bare and he’s too busy to even be dating but he chose to! with you! because he likes (dare i say loves) you a lot! so why would he wanna waste his precious time that he barely has??

definitely gets matching tattoos with you somewhere down the line. i feel like if you guys were like YEARS into it , parents have met, etc etc then he’d get your initials on his ring finger or somewhere on his back or along his neck :(

at this point, dispatch has a wholeeee book on you guys. definitely planning to expose y’all as the new years couple but you know hybe is swimming in money so they paid them off and saved your asses! aka, you don’t get caught.

lucky you!

yoon jeonghan

probably dating a idol or well known model. either way, you’re both known for your otherworldly visuals! you guys met at a exclusive ysl event/after party and he asked his manager to talk to your manager and boom! things went off.

dates are actually pretty regular. don’t get me wrong, you both have pretty hectic schedules, and yours are pretty random because you never know which city you need to be in next but since you both don’t like doing as much interviews/variety shows as your counterparts, you use that time on dates!

you guys reserve 1- sometimes 2 hour tours at those interactive park places (where you can hold/feel animals etc) and takes lots of pictures for each other (which means matching lovestagram!!!) , you guys go on secretive sauna dates to catch up on your work weeks, and hang out at each other’s apartment while eating your fav food at odd hours lol!

LOVEEE couple items! matching lego sets, pet rocks, any new jewelry he gets, especially if it’s a bracelet, he buys another one for you and you guys wear them 24/7 like seriously it doesn’t come off! would probably even get the cartier love bracelet if he wasn’t so dedicated to ysl…

fans are saurrrrrr suspicious because like.. is he even trying to be subtle or are they just making it up in their head??? svt would be playing the character quiz and you’d come up and his brain would literally malfunction like all he can do is smile and apologize for “getting you wrong” while the rest of the members are trying to (not so) swiftly move on.. yeah!

you guys are definitely the on and off type! nothing toxic just every time you both get genuinely TOO busy you’d cool off from each other and bounce back like nothing happened.

i feel like he’d want something long term but wouldn’t be too set on marriage? idk, if you guys did end it wouldn’t be on a bad note and you’d both just play it off (to the public) as if you were always “just” friends but bffr.. anyway!

you guys wouldn’t necessarily get exposed by dispatch/a news outlet but both your fandoms would like low-key know you had something going on and respect that privacy.

joshua hong

i can see him dating a gorgeous high class actor/actress. you guys meet at an award show and slowly got to know each other before comfortably settling into a relationship.

dates are superrr frequent, even your personal managers are shocked because damnn that devotion? you guys already told them that any free time you have in your bustling scheduals go to each other. very cute.

dates are very spontaneous and depend on where you are. believe it or not most dates are at home and consist of you laying your head in his lap as he makes bracelets and you revising your lines. (as with ll the boys) you get backstage concert privilege with kisses between sets and he visits you on set with coffee trucks for everyone and your fav pick me up snack if you're feeling down during filming.

couple items are very low-key! he's known for his handmade jewelry so he'll give you one or two but anymore will land ya'll in the mouse trap. so the more intimate matching things never see the light of day.

fans start getting suspicious when they realize that all the films or dramas he's been recommending lately have you in it but he just plays it off that he's been getting interested in more films during his down time and you became his favorite actress/tor .. right! also you suddenly keep singing seventeen songs (his parts) in your behind the scenes and they're just like..? okay maybe you just really go into seventeen outta no where.. whatever that means!

you both are very private people by nature so you guys leave 0 trace behind when planning dates etc like everyone is signing NDA's lol! so dispatch (and your fans) may have a feeling, but they have no proof.

does have marriage in mind for the long run but you guys would date for a longgggg time before that like 5+ years. would probably announce it randomly after you guys are satisfied with your career and respected enough to the point people don't throw a fuss but are genuinely happy for you. ya'll end up nicknamed: the nations unexpected but ultimate visual couple, for sure!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

[sunnystaytiny2018]

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

Stray Kids Fanfiction

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have 3 members of Stray Kids bubble,

•Bang Chan

•Felix

•Seungmin

Chan sent this photo and said he liked the necklace. I decided to be unhinged and said I will write a fanfiction about the necklace lol

This is the post.

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

POV: 2nd Person (You, your)

Genre: Fluff? Slight angst?

Additional Tags:

Bang Chan x Reader, Bang Chan, Fluff, sweet, romance, Stray Kids Fanfiction, Stray Kids FF, difficult relationship¿,

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

You were excited for you and Bang Chan's first anniversary. One year. It had officially been one year. It hadn't been easy for sure. Him being an idol didn't make anything about the relationship easy.

People always say they understand what it is like dating an idol, but you truly don't until it happens. You understand that there is times he can't reply, but you don't really understand the ache your heart goes through those period of times. But on top of that, you are an actor/actress. A well known one. not like super famous but well known for the supporting side characters you played, still not confident to have the main spotlight. You figured you're young, might as well work your way up to the main role, despite all the main lead offers. Staying connected could be hard.

Why out all the members you somehow ended up falling for the leader and one of the music producers of the group? That was all on you. That definitely didn't make it any easier either. He would still be up at 3 am and decide to give you a call when you're asleep. And it also just happened to be on a very important modeling gig day and you did not get your full beauty sleep for it.

But that didn't matter right now. Or today. It just didn't matter as your heart glowed about the fact you had now been in love with Bang Chan for a year. Officially. So here you were looking at the men's jewelry. You had a distinct image in your mind for him. Something simple, something non eye catching. Like a little secret between you and him.

"Looking for something for a special someone, Miss?"

"Actually, yes. My boyfriend. Our one year is coming up soon." You told her and she smiled.

"Well congratulations! What kind of style does he like in jewelry?"

"Well, actually, I was thinking something less like he usually wears. He usually wears flashy stuff, he loves diamonds. But I want to do something more simple and sleek?" The lady eyes you. "I'm not trying to change his style or anything.. I just want to give him something that will remind him of me."

"Okay. How about number A6? Sleek, smooth, simple." She said as she pointed at a diamond studded chain.

"Mm not quite. Maybe less, chunky?" You asked.

"We have A13. A simple gold chain and a single diamond." The lady said and pointed.

"I think I'll browse a little more."

"Sure, just let me know when you find one to your liking."

"Sure, thanks." You said giving an appreciative smile. You continued to look before you spotted a necklace that you knew immediately was it. "Ma'am! Ma'am, this one please. I'd like to see it." The lady came over and pulled it out and held it to you. You take it gently and look at it. The chain was small and simple coated in black. A single diamond dangling from the small chain. "I think this is it. Um how much?" You asked with an excited smile.

"This one is 697,580 Won." The woman said with a smile.

"Okay, ring me up please." I said with a smile.

"Right away, Miss."

|•∆•|

You walked up the stairs to the dorm excitedly with your surgical mask covering your face. Jeongin opened the door and you gave a bow in greeting as he let you in.

"Hi, Noona. Hate to tell you, but he is working on some tracks. I'm not sure he even remembers what today is..."

"It's okay, Jeongin." You said giving him a soft head fluff before heading to Bang Chan's room. You wouldn't be surprised if he had, he's always so busy and if you were honest... Most of the time you had a hard time remembering that as well. You knocked onto the door.

"Come in." He called and you slowly opened the door. You walked in and heard a steady beat working over and over as he tweaked with it.

"Hey, love." You said and he slowly spun around.

"Hey, baby. Oh I'm so sorry. I completely lost track of time. I figured you would stop by and I was gonna have decorations set up. I'm so sorry."

"So you didn't forget our anniversary?" You beamed.

"No, of course not! I even have a present."

"Good me too." He smiled and retrieved your gift. "I want you to go first, you handed him his gift and he set yours on the desk beside him instead of it to you, which was odd to you. But you smiled and placed your hands back in your lap. You watched eagerly as he opened the gift. His breath was taken away when he saw the necklace. He pulled out gently and tears sparkled in his eyes. "Do you like it?"

"It's a really simple necklace... But I really love it. It would go really nice with most of my outfits." He smiled as he silently asked you to put it on for him. You gave a nod and a smile as you retrieved it from him and he turned his back to you. You carefully clipped it on and when he turned to face you it was even better than you imagined. It even went with the black hoodie he was wearing. You smiled and clapped your hands together.

"It looks really good on you! I'm glad. I was worried."

"Thank you, baby." He smiled as he kissed your lips softly. He turned slightly to pick your present back up. "Sorry, it isn't really wrapped but.." He raised the box and slowly opened it to reveal a ring. You gasped as it was clearly an engagement ring.

"Um Bang Chan? What are you..?" You asked as he actually settled on one knee.

"Baby, I want to marry you." Bang Chan said as he held it up to you. "Even though we've been together for a year, we have been friends much longer. That is how I know you are what I want for the rest of my life. I got to see you as a friend, a partner, and a lover. I know that I want all of you." He said and you tried to hold back your sobs. "We can get married in secret, so you don't have to worry about it affecting my job."

"Yes, of course I'll marry you, Chan." He slipped it onto for finger softly and then kissed it.

"I'm the luckiest person in the world." He smiled and you couldn't help but think about how he didn't know his worth.

[cmtcahrule]

No Words. Part 1.

For those of you who can't or won't watch.

Yes, we were living in Cayman the last three years. We went back to LA for the summer. And everywhere for the summer.

Island life has been grand…it’s just time to wrap it up and get back to reality.

It’s Swiss Family Robinson here.

But you have the LA itch? Yes, I have the LA itch.

We can always find any way to justify anything. Mom needs to go back and you guys are going to be happy wherever you are.

Oprah’s been my idol my whole life.

Modeling is so interesting. You don’t have an opinion or a voice. As with TV, you can drive it.

I never enjoyed doing the red carpets. I leave that type of journalism up to you.

Did you ever think you should be the person on the other side….like the person walking the carpet? Honestly when I was in college, there was an acting job that came through the modeling agency, but I have never wanted to be an actor. I don’t understand this. Why are we sitting in trailers for 12 hours when we could be really productive? It didn’t make sense for me to be distracted (by acting).

I thought I was going to wait to open the bakery until after I did The Today Show for 10 years. Thank God I did not wait until I was 55 or 60 to do it. Because you cannot pull 4-5 all nighters per week when you are that age.

I can contribute my television career and success to 30% talent and 70% bribery. I would go in and bomb an audition and come back with Monster Cookies and then I would get a call back because of the cookies.

In my 20s, when I wasn’t raging, I would come back home and bake dozens of cookies.

I am passionate about JIF peanut butter. I am passionate about Helmann’s Mayonnaise. We are not fucking around with these products. We have integrity.

We have been in talks to open up in LA. Talks to open up at The Grove. The Palisades Village. Maybe we will do that when I have more bandwidth some day but right now I am tapped out.

You are managing all of these businesses from afar? I mean I am on an airplane every few weeks.

I told my agent to give me anything except anything related to pop culture. Everyone is voodoo dolling you right now. That is the dream of so many girls and people wanted you to do it and you said no. Give me a war instead. I will volunteer to go cover a human rights foundation before I will go on a red carpet.

Did you meet your ex husband Armie in the industry from doing industry interviews? He was not even working at the time. He wanted to be an actor but he was not doing the things to be an actor.

Regarding Tyler: He would never hang out with me because he was with his best friend Armie.

We met through our mutual friend Tyler. It was love at first sight. For sure.

Regarding their meeting: It was good for Armie because he had to work for something.

Ambition is important. I know you want to do something so do something. Either go back to college or go to acting class. I am not interested in someone who is complacent.

I think it was hard for him at the time because I had a boyfriend who was very successful and doing a lot which is the hottest thing to me because I love ambition.

It was a good motivator. So you motivated him to get his ass up and work….as Kim Kardashian would say?

Since he was with you when you were opening up BB, was he supportive and was he helpful? Because he was so young, he probably had even less of an idea on what to do. He wasn’t the business man behind the operation to say the least. 

I’ve always been an independent person who does what I want. If I am with somebody, that is how things are going to go. I do whatever I want when I want however I want.

[cheeseceli]

Moving on

pairing: ex!Changbin × gn!Reader

genre: angst, small drabble

Description: you found out that Changbin has moved on, and maybe it's your time to let your love story behind

Warnings: none i think? Not proofread

Request: yes!

A/n: probably not my best work but I liked it nevertheless, hope this is what you wanted!

Pt 2

You didn't believe the news when you first saw them. You thought it was some sort of clickbait or a marketing strategy, but it was true. After looking up in every website you could find, you finally understood that Changbin was going to get married.

You were looking down the Stray Kids' instagram, seeing the photos that announced oh so happily that Changbin, the man who is used to be the love of your life, was now an engaged man. The photos were beautiful. Both looked happy. Of course they were.

You should have stopped scrolling down the social media because now you were too deep down. You saw every single picture the couple had together and, you're not one to lie, they looked cute together. You read every comment you could find congratulating the two of them. The other members were so excited with the news. Everyone was filled with joy.

Why couldn't you?

You two broke up more than three years ago, and you did so in good terms. There was no thing such as a horrible fight, or external influences like jealousy and it wasn't toxic. Actually, that relationship was the most perfect thing you could have had in your whole romantic life and Changbin was your dream man. But sadly you were not born to the wall of fame.

The relationship ended because you didn't want your faces in every gossip magazine. You wanted to have datings without being followed for paparazzi. You didn't want fans nor haters. Gosh, once the media found out you were dating one of the best rappers in the kpop industry you even gained your own fan club. Of course, Changbin and JYP crew tried to give you as much comfort and privacy as possible, but there is a certain limit to what they could've done. It wasn't enough for you. You wanted to be away from the public attention. The only possible way to have it was to be apart from your now ex boyfriend.

God knows you both tried your best. But he was made for the stage and it would be selfish of you take it away from him. But you didn't want anything related to fame, and it would be selfish of him to ask you to stay. You would break up, stay as friends and then maybe, in the future, you could try again.

Sadly, future didn't wait for you. Now he loved someone new and would soon settle down with them. You knew it's been a while but you weren't expecting to see this happen. You were not prepared.

What hurts more to see was that the new love of Changbin's life wasn't famous. You were expecting to see another idol, an actor or a model, but you met a normal person. Someone who lived a life away from the spotlights but didn't mind seeing Changbin shine. And you knew you shouldn't be comparing but you couldn't help but think: if I had endured the pressure, would we still be together?

If only you were a little bit stronger back then.

But you guys were friends. That's how you decided it would be. You talked with each other occasionally and the person he is now engaged with has even met you already. It was a healthy situation. So, you had the obligation to congratulate him even though you were dying inside.

"Hey" you texted him "I saw the news. Congratulations Binnie, you guys deserve all the happiness in the world."

Binnie: "Y/n, hey. Thank you so much!! How are you by the way? It has been a while since we last talked"

You laughed through the tears that were forming in your eyes. How were you supposed to reply? How could you just text him something like "I am heartbroken as we speak because I wish that you were marrying me instead" or "I feel horrible because I wanted to be happy for you but I can only feel sadness and even jealousy"? No, you couldn't say that.

You: "I'm fine. I certainly do not have breaking news like you lmao"

Binnie: "Haha, fair enough."

Binnie: "Also, I wanted to ask you before I lose my courage, would you like to come to the wedding?"

For a second your mind went blank. You couldn't belive he had just asked that.

Binnie: "I know that this is probably super awkward considering that we are exes, but I swear it's fine with us! Actually, my partner is the one who gave this idea. They like you a lot haha."

Binnie: "But it's okay if you don't want to."

You: "I'd love to." No you wouldn't. "Just send me the invitation and I will be there."

Binnie: "Really? That's amazing! Once everything's ready we'll send the informations to you!"

You: "I can't wait."

You don't know if he sent you any more texts. Truly, you didn't want to know. Even if you did, you wouldn't be able to read the message with your teary eyes. What the hell were you doing? Going to your ex's wedding only to see the man you still love confessing his feelings to someone who isn't you is only going to break your heart even more.

But maybe that's exactly what you needed. You needed to break your heart so much so he could get out of there, so you could move on. After all, you shouldn't spend all your years loving someone who isn't available for you, and will never be. You're still allowed to be part of his life and that should make you satisfied. You would pretend to be happy for him until those feelings became true.

And maybe, after everything, you'd be able to fall in love one more time. With someone new, someone who would make you forget the man you cannot have now.

feedbacks and reblogs are very much appreciated!

what if i make a part 2 where y/n gets to be with this someone new?

[ganbaramen]

Link! Like! LoveLive! SPECIAL STAFF INTERVIEW

[This interview was published online on the G's Channel website, and is print in the Link! Like! LoveLive! FIRST FAN BOOK, released Dec 27, 2023.]

The Hasunosora Jogakuin School Idol Club is a group of virtual school idols that made their striking debut in April this year. How did their fan engagement app “Link! Like! LoveLive!” come about? Fujimoto Yoshihiro and Sato Kazuki discuss the app’s origin and what they think about the project.

It’s all about enjoying Love Live!—! The untold story behind the birth of the fan engagement app LLLL

—The smartphone app “Link! Like! LoveLive!” (which we’ll refer to as “LLLL”), celebrated its six-month anniversary in November. Let’s look back on the past six months and discuss the birth of LLLL. To start us off, could you two tell us about your roles in developing this app?

Sato: I’m Sato Kazuki from CERTIA, a producer for this app. I’ve worked for game companies as a planner and director, and now I’m a self-directed game producer. From arcade games to consumer software to apps, my path has involved a variety of media. I’ve been following Love Live! as a fan since the µ’s era, and became a producer for Hasunosora’s game after being consulted for a Love Live! app where the members stream.

Fujimoto: I’m Fujimoto Yoshihiro from Bandai Namco Filmworks, and I’m also a producer for LLLL. I started with the desire to make a Love Live! smartphone game.

***

—LLLL’s official start of service was May 20, 2023, but I heard that the road there was quite long. Could you talk about that?

Fujimoto: If we want to start from when development began…. we’ll have to go back to 5 years ago.

Sato: A big part of the appeal of Love Live! comes from these school idols being independent and putting their souls into it as a club activity, so there is a certain kind of enjoyment and emotional payoff from supporting them.

If you insert a “player” who can essentially play god into this, it inevitably feels like a mismatch. Then wouldn’t it be great to turn that idea on its head and instead have an app where you support these independent idols? And streaming would be a great match for that. As we worked out this concept where you cheer on the members as just another fan, this “school idol fan engagement app” took form.

—What led up to integrating motion capture into the app?

Sato: From the very beginning, we had decided that virtual concerts and streams would use 3D models. The development team already had the know-how for streaming with 3D models, so of course we were going to use them.

The key idea is to have the virtual concerts, live streams, and story intimately linked to make the entire experience real-time, so we decided it would be best to have them appear in the same form in both the streams and the activity log (story), which is why the story also uses 3D models. The visuals should be precisely linked so we carefully animated the story with 3D models.

Fujimoto: It is quite rare for the cast to also do motion capture, but it was necessary to realize the vision that Sato-san has described. Yes, it would technically be doable to have the cast only voice the characters and instead have actors do the motion capture, but that would be a lot less palatable.

Sato: It certainly feels a lot more real when the cast is both voicing and moving their characters. The fact that this project is a part of the Love Live! series helped a lot in being able to implement this. The cast loves Love Live!, and it’s because of how much the project staff and cast members put into this that we could make it a reality.

—As an example of this hard work: the cast had intense training on motion and talking, with lessons and rehearsals starting about a year before the app was released.

Sato: In both the live streams and virtual concerts, the cast do the motion capture, in real-time too! Even now, this fact isn’t well-known, or rather, it seems like there are a lot of people who think “No way they go that far!”. Yes, the cast do it themselves!

—So why does doing it in real-time make it good?

Sato: What a pointed question! (laughs)

Fujimoto: What’s important depends on what you value. What we’re aiming for is the feeling of a real concert.

Sato: Putting it concisely, the feeling that it’s live is very important to LLLL. It seems to me that the feeling of being live has recently been highly valued, not just in concerts but in the entertainment industry as a whole. We can look back on works of the past whenever we want through subscription services and the like, so following something now has its own appeal that can evoke a certain zeal. Bearing witness to this moment in history is now viewed as being more significant than it used to be. That’s why we maximize that feeling of being live by having the cast do the motion capture and by streaming in real-time. We felt that those two points are essential.

—So rather than just being parts of the concept, these are essential to the project.

Sato: At one point, we considered doing only the talk and MC in real-time, while having the performance part be recorded. But because we want to get at the heart of the pleasure of having it be real-time, we couldn’t make that compromise.

Actually, the cast do occasionally hit the wrong notes or mess up their dance formations, but these are little things that signal that it’s live—in fact, such happenings can increase how real it feels, which can make the performance feel special if you approach it with the right mindset.

***

—Can I ask about the Fes×LIVE production, like the camerawork, lighting, and outfits? It feels like the production value goes even higher every time.

Fujimoto: I think that’s probably because, just like how the Hasunosora members are growing, the staff is as well, going further each time after saying things like “For the next performance, I want more of this!”.

Sato: Things like flying over the stage or swapping outfits in the instant that the lighting changes—we won’t do those. A core principle is that we aim for a production that matches what school idols would do and constrain ourselves to portray what’s possible in reality.

***

—The story following school idols at a school steeped in tradition—that’s a new challenge, too.

Sato: We had certain reasons for setting this at a school with a long history—so long that this year is the 103rd. There’s this common image of streamers debuting as no-names, and then working their way up to become more popular. But if Hasunosora were like that, the fact that there would be a lot of fans from the beginning would make it very unrealistic. After all, there’s no way your average rookie streamer could be like “This is my first stream!” and yet have 5000 viewers. (laughs)

We thought hard about how to resolve this in a way that makes sense. Then, we figured out that it would work to have a tradition-laden school that was already a “powerhouse”. So in the end, we made it a point to have the school be a powerhouse with a history of having won Love Live! before.

—So the school already had fans following it, with high expectations for the new school idols: Kaho and the other first years.

Sato: Yeah, it’s meant to be like one of those schools that are regular contenders at Koshien, the national high school baseball championship.

—The world-building is done so thoroughly that such an answer could be arrived at pretty quickly.

Sato: We consulted with many people, starting with the writer team, about implementing the concepts that we mentioned before—having the cast do motion capture to maximize the live feeling, and doing the streams in real-time.

In the beginning, there was a lot of resistance to the idea of trying to successfully operate an app while constructing the story and streams such that there would be no contradictions between them. If you do streams in real-time, such contradictions can certainly arise—you have to work out the setting in quite a lot of detail, and even then, things can happen that are impossible to predict.

But my thinking was always that this is doable if we adjust how often we synchronize the story and streams. I think it’s impossible to stream every day and release a new story every day. But on the other side of the spectrum, if we were to write a year’s worth of story ahead of time, and then do however many streams within that year, that would certainly be doable. 

Following that line of thought, in the early stages, we had a lot of discussion about how often we could do streams, searching for the limit of what would be possible to implement. As a compromise, we arrived at the system of fully synchronizing once a month. For each month, we can keep the setting relatively flexible, not setting everything precisely in stone until the month is over. We thought that a monthly frequency should make it possible to both maintain the charm of the story and implement streams.

But right now we’re streaming three times a week, so there end up being a lot of things like “they shouldn’t know this yet” or “this event hasn’t happened yet”. It feels like putting together a complicated puzzle.

Fujimoto: There’s one aspect that we haven’t made clear before—I don’t think there are many people that have realized it. It’s that the talk streams are the furthest along in the timeline, while the story shows what has already happened. It’s not that the story happens on the day that we update it, but rather that the story describes what happened up to that day. People who have realized this have probably read quite closely.

Sato: That’s why it’s called the “activity log”. The With×MEETS serve the important role of synchronization between what happened in the activity log—the world of the story—with reality, so we carefully prepare for them each time.

—That makes sense! One nice thing is that if you keep up with the With×MEETS in real-time, then watch the Fes×LIVE, it feels like keeping up paid off—”Good thing I watched the With×MEETS!”.

Fujimoto: It would be great if our efforts got through to everyone enjoying LLLL.

—If you set things up that carefully, it must be difficult when irregularities happen. In August, several cast members had to take a break to recover from COVID-19, causing many With×MEETS to be canceled. How did you deal with that?

Sato: The silver lining of that period was that it avoided the most critical timing. If that had been off by even a week… it might not have been possible to recover from that. This project always has this feeling of tension, because there is no redoing things.

***

Tackling the Love Live! Local Qualifiers! The culmination of the story put viewers on the edges of their seats!!

—On how people have reacted to LLLL: was there anything that went exactly as planned, and on the other hand, was there anything that defied your expectations?

Fujimoto: To bring up a recent event, the Love Live! Local Qualifiers in October very much stood out. There was tension all around—even I was nervous about how it would go. The feeling that “these girls really are going to take on this challenge, at this very moment”. It was like watching the championship of the World Baseball Classic… Well, maybe that’s an overstatement, but an atmosphere similar to that. I’m really happy that we managed to create such an atmosphere with the cast and everyone who participated as a user.

Sato: Not just in sports, but also in the world of anime or fiction, there is definitely a certain excitement that arises when you “witness” something. Bearing witness to the moment that “drama” is born produces an impulse, something that hits deep. This is not something that can be produced in an instant. Rather, such an overwhelming concentration of passion can come about only because so much has happened up to that point.

That’s why, aiming for “that moment”, we first have people experience the Hasunosora members’ existence and reality day after day. After having connected with the members and viscerally felt the sense of being in sync with their “now”, something new will be born…

The closest we’ve gotten to an atmosphere of tension that’s as close as possible to the real thing is what Fujimoto-san just mentioned, the Love Live! Local Qualifiers. I think part of why that was such an “incredible” event was the weight of everything that happened in the Love Live! series up to that point.

—Is there anything else from the fans’ reactions and the like that was unexpected?

Fujimoto: For the talk streams, we have a system where everyone can write comments in real-time. Some users go all in on the setting and act as if they’re in that world.

Sato: The characters are not aware that their everyday lives can be observed in the story, so these users adhere to the rule of not talking about anything that’s only depicted in the story, commenting as if they don’t know what happened there. And if you do that, your comment might get read. So you really can be a participant in the performance. We were surprised at just how many people were earnestly participating like that.

—It’s like making a fan work in real-time, or rather, it’s like playing a session of a tabletop RPG.

Sato: I think what we’re doing here is very much like a game. It’s the “role-playing” of a tabletop RPG taken to an extreme, a pillar of a certain kind of “game”, or maybe more like a participatory form of entertainment.

—Oh, I see! It’s as if we’ve returned to the classic reader participation projects of Dengeki G’s magazine, which is kind of touching.

[Translator’s note: Love Live! originated from Sunrise collaborating with the Dengeki G’s magazine editorial department, bringing Lantis in for music.]

Sato: Yes, indeed. In the era of magazine participatory projects, the back-and-forth would have several months in between. In comparison, a real-time system makes it easier to participate, which I think is a significant and useful advancement. For now, in the first year, it feels like we’ve been grasping in the dark while trying to do the best with what we have. But we’re thinking about how best to adjust the frequency and volume of activities from here on.

Fujimoto: Also, the users have largely figured out all the hints we cooked in!

Sato: They’ve been looking in quite some detail. (laughs) Our cooking has paid off.

***

—Is there any challenge that LLLL is taking on anew?

Sato: Going back to what I said at the beginning, I was a huge fan of µ’s, so I started by trying to analyze and put into words just what made me so attracted to, so crazy about them. 

A big part of the charm was that it involved youth and a club activity, so by following their story and cheering them on, you could vicariously re-live the passion of those three years in high school. So I wanted to make it so that you could re-live that experience of youth in depth.

My goal is to have it feel so overwhelmingly real—through LLLL’s real-time nature—that you can unwittingly delude yourself into the sense that you’re re-living your high school years.

Fujimoto: If we’re talking about a new challenge, maybe it’d be good to touch on how frequent the interactions are.

For example, let’s consider a one-cour anime. No matter how much you’d like to keep watching it, it ends after three months. Even if it turns out there’s a continuation, you’ll have to wait before you can watch that.

In contrast, if we turn to virtual content, people are streaming three times a week on YouTube. In that vein, what we’re aiming for with this project is this: you can follow this group you like throughout that limited time between matriculation and graduation, and during that time they’ll always be there for you to meet.

***

—Some people are expecting an anime as one of the future mixed-media developments. To put it bluntly, what do you think about that?

Sato: What we are doing right now with Hasunosora would not work outside the structure of an app. As mentioned before, it’s not quite a tabletop RPG but rather a participatory form of entertainment, and it’s that structure that allows fans to experience the true spirit of the Hasunosora Jogakuin School Idol Club.

—So for now, we should experience it through the streams in the app! Is that what you’re saying?

Fujimoto: Exactly. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that LLLL is a project to make you fall for these girls throughout their streams—that’s how much effort we’re putting into it.

Sato: Starting LLLL by going through the story and then participating in the With×MEETS streams might be more common, but you can also start enjoying it in a novel way by just jumping into the latest With×MEETS stream. The members’ engagement with the comments has been especially noticeable in the most recent streams—it feels like a symbiotic relationship.

***

—Finally, a word for those who are looking forward to the project’s future.

Sato: I can confidently say that LLLL is a new experience made possible because of the times we live in. Because of that, it is very high-context, so it’s hard to explain how it will make you feel or what kind of game it is—you must play it to understand. We are very aware of how much of a hurdle this is, and how it might be difficult to get a grasp on if you start later.

But if you’re willing to take that first step into the world of LLLL, we promise to bring you content that is worth following. So to those reading this interview: please do consider trying it out once, even if it’s with a window-shopping mindset.

Fujimoto: Hasunosora’s story can only happen because of everyone watching. We hope you’ll keep supporting us!

Sato: We’ve prepared plenty of tricks up our sleeves for the end of the school year in March, so please look forward to it!

Credits

Translation: ramen Translation check: xIceArcher Various suggestions: Yahallo, Yujacha, zura

[shakingparadigm]

SECOND ASK HELLO!!!!

IVAN AND TILL TIME (will get to the other characters separately)

soo!!! for ivan and till i'm still debating whether they should be what most closely mirrors their alnst counterparts (idols/musicians/actors) or something that kinda just has the overall vibe

One of the reasons i'm more inclined to go with ivan being an idol and till being an independent musician is that for till (ivan i can see doing something else), till's character is really tied to his music and i think it would be weird to separate him from that if that makes sense. So i'm going with that for now :D So everyone else will probably be idol/music industry related so they know each other

BEFORE THE TRAIN (basically just a modern au)

Note: Anakt garden here would probably be an idol/acting training program or something

IVAN:

- Was raised from childhood to become an idol, has had very little control of his life

- faces constant pressure to preform well and keep a good brand image

- Every aspect of his life is monitored by someone else from his diet, hobbies, relationships (not that he has any skjdjf), etc

- (he's an almost perfect mirror of his alnst self)

- Due to the heavy restrictions in behavior, ability to peruse passions, and being isolated from a normal childhood, till caught his eye for that reason

- He envies till's freedom in being an independent artist, having split off from contractors/labels to persue his own music (and his ability to make his own decisions, live his life without the huge pressure etc)

- The intense competitive nature of his career is something so ingrained in his life that he finds it hard to imagine a simple domestic lifestyle

- His manager is Unsha of course

- basically, i barely changed him

- BOY'S GOT PROBLEMS

TILL:

- Was initially part of a music group signed to a music label after anakt garden

- Has a background in acting

- Broke away from the group to create his own music

- He has a decent sized cult following online, though his popularity is nowhere near ivan's

- He still faces mistreatment from other higher-ups in the industry and is looked down on for his choices

- Usually, this is from former friends & managers (HI URAK)

- He admires Mizi (pop singer? maybe?) for her carefree and genuine persona

- i may still change some things about him

ALSO mizi sua ivan and till are friends here and stuff. They see each other outside work and things

ALTERNATIVES:

- Ivan: business/finance, faces pressure to inherit a family business

- Till: still acting/music, but not independent and mistreated by urak

- Other ideas?

BOARDING THE TRAIN

IVAN:

- TILL'S ON THE TRAIN UH OH,, NATURALLY IVAN FOLLOWS

- His number is pretty high. either 500 or like 1000 idk what's considered high i forgot

- His number remains pretty consistent

TILL

- I'm thinking mizi disappeared and this upset him enough the train appeared

- "WHY CAN'T I FIND HER" oh sorry till here you go she's right here

- His number is probably similar to ivan, give or take a few numbers only

- His number constantly goes up and down

OKAY I NEED HELP FOR THIS PART WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY'RE ACTUALLY ON THE TRAIN

HELLO!!!!

(long infinity train au post incoming!)

I 100% agree on the first part!! I've had those thoughts when thinking up my College/Modern AU, the question of "if these characters weren't forced into it, would they still choose to pursue music?" and although my answers for certain characters fluctuated, Till was consistent in the way that the answer was always yes for him. He is a goddamn prodigy, after all, and literally makes music of his own volition (which doesn't seem very common in the garden, at least to the extent and frequency that Till does it). Though he was forced into it as well, Till views music as an outlet rather than a responsibility.

Ivan, I think he'd definitely be under a company or management. Though I feel like if he wasn't forced to sing in this universe, another route for him could be his (very successful) modelling career. It seems to be his main "thing" besides singing, after all, and he rose to fame because of it. I also think the finance/business stuff might translate better into the modelling thing since he deals with commercials and brand deals, ambassador stuff (not to say this can't happen with idols, it'd just be emphasized if he was a model I think. The idol idea is still perfectly fine! It'd also make more sense for Ivan and Till to meet/grow close if they were from the same company, though I was also still fond of the childhood friends idea.... I realize it might be hard to pull that off in a modern au if Unsha and Urak are still rivals).

Ivan boarding because Till boarded first is so Min and Ryan 😭 insert that one meme "I'd follow him to hell and back but I just wish he'd stop going there" (it could be argued that Min was just trying to get his keys back, but. come on. we all know it wasn't just about the keys).

Till boarding because Mizi went missing is so unfortunately plausible 😭 it's literally the love conga line all over again. Mizi boards because of Sua, Till boards because of Mizi and Ivan boards because of Till. Insanity.

Though depending on the reason for their boarding, it could go a lot of different ways. Would they have some kind of meteor scene parallel where Ivan tries to take Till away from the train, Till gives him a sorry look before running in, Ivan pulls that sad smile and then runs in right after him? Would the train appear during a fight? Would they board separately? I feel like boarding together was a rare instance for Min and Ryan (at the time) because their issues were largely centered around each other (and their circumstances of course. but the point is they had to figure themselves out together). So for Ivan and Till to board the train together, they must've had a very prominent issue within their relationship that they need to confront (which is already true, very complicated issues in fact so no worries about that part). Though I'd love to hear your thoughts on how their issues and relationship complexities translate to this more modern au!

500-1000 is an insanely high number 😭 I mean at least it's not as bad as Grace and Simon, but I'm fully convinced that Ivan and Till could come close that point at least once 😭 (or just the ALNSTverse versions of them maybe). Maybe they'd be around (and I apologize for always bringing them up) Min and Ryan's 202. It's relatively high to Jesse's 20-something and Tulip's 30-something (I can't remember atm my bad).

Ohhh wait sorry I'm answering this ask in portions and I just realized you said they had different numbers. Does this mean you had them board the train at separate times?

I love the detail of their numbers going down in different ways! I could definitely see Ivan's staying more consistent and harder to budge because (as VIVINOS says) Ivan is incredibly persistent. Or stubborn. This can be seen in his mindset too, where he's firmly convinced he isn't cared for despite their childhood comics proving that he and Till were basically friends. I feel like Ivan is the type who's number doesn't change very often, but when it does it goes down by a large amount.

Till, on the other hand, with all his severe reactions seems like his number would fluctuate quite a lot. Just like how his collar switches between colors fairly quick. It would definitely go up and down a lot 😭 smaller amounts than Ivan's, I think.

Though I can see the situation reversing (Ivan's number constantly fluctuating as a reflection of his muddled and confusing thoughts, Till's number being more constant because he's more firm in his self identity), I still think the ones mentioned above fit just the slightest bit better.

WHAT DO THEY DO... HMMM... It really depends on the reason they're on the train in the first place. And that reason depends on the severity of their issues in this modern au. Do they board for their own personal reasons that aren't as intertwined with each other? Are their attachment methods still as unhealthy as they were in the ALNSTverse? Or are they slightly more mellowed and better adjusted in a more "normal" society? would Ivan still be unhealthily fascinated and devoted to Till? Would Till still feel conflicted about Ivan? Would they be more focused on their own individual issues and less on each other or vice versa? Naturally both can be the case but one usually wins over a certain amount. There's a lot to think about!

A lot of the train cars force the passenger to deal with their issues in somewhat literal ways (like how min and ryan are usually forced to work together, tulip is forced to sing a song she is emotionally attached to, actually hey wait fuck that's a good one?) Would there be a train car where Till has to recognize Ivan's feelings head on (Finally looking at him)? Would there be a car that would take their deepest inner thoughts and manifest them into physical, tangible beings or objects? Many possibilities! I'd love to hear more of your thoughts and ideas!

( + @chiisana-lion !! I'd also love to hear any thoughts you might have on an ALNST infinity train au !! If you have any !! let's share these brainwaves together !! )

[restlessmaknae]

until i found you // hyunsuk

When a cute, handsome stranger helps you out at your favourite 24-hour bookstore, you have no idea that he’s actually a rookie actor from Korea who is currently shooting a drama in Taiwan.

➳ Characters: rookie actor!Hyunsuk x last year uni student!female reader/you

➳ Genre: meet cute, fluff

➳ Words: 3k

➳ Warning: mentions of food, drinks, unhealthy sleep schedule, thesis stress

➳ A/N: This story is the third and final installment of my 'love map' multifandom series which features 3 different idols and 3 different stories that take place in 3 different countries. The stories can be read on their own though.❤️

Header taken from this cover, title is because the 'until i found you' song reminds me of this story

➳ Dedicated to: @dat-town ❤️

➳ Taglist: @s00buwu, @tsunchani, @wccycc

As a busy university student, your sleep schedule was so messed up that your favourite pastime activity was going to the 24-hour Eslite bookstore at the crack of dawn when you couldn’t fall asleep, and your first class wouldn’t be until the afternoon.

People said that you needed to have a life outside of uni classes, assignments and working on your thesis, and you did have one, but your self-care activities usually included crying to your favourite singer’s new album at 4PM, having dinner around midnight or as mentioned above, going to the 24-hour bookstore to chill and read something that wasn’t an overly referenced academic article. It was definitely not healthy and not sustainable, but you just needed to pull through the next month, and you would be done with your thesis either way.

Besides, if there was something that you liked about this nocturnal life, it was having way less people around you at this time than during the day. The convenience stores were open but way less busy, the underground might have run less frequently but it was still running, and your favourite bookstore was also not as crowded as during the day when tourists often flocked in.

That day (or well, night) was no different. You wandered down the enormous and well-structured aisles, looking for something to pick up after getting some tea from one of the three cafés of the bookstore (see, you were trying to squeeze something into your system other than coffee), but that specific book just had to be on the top shelf. Usually, there was a small ladder beside the shelves which you could use to reach the top shelves, but today, there was none in sight.

Letting out a huff, you tiptoed before the shelf and reached your arm as high as possible, but it was not enough to grab the book, only the bottom of the upper shelf. You tried to make the book fall with your piercing gaze, but to no avail… It didn’t budge at all.

You were ready to admit your defeat when a long arm reached above your head, and casually grabbed the book before reaching it out to you. You blinked up at the stranger in awe, taking in his warm, chocolate-brown eyes, the fringe that fell into his orbs, his tall built and model-like proportions. The only thing you did mind was not being able to see the rest of his face because he wore a black mask that covered most of it. You wondered if he was smiling because his eyes seemed to be.

“Oh, thank you so much,” you bobbed your head gratefully before reaching out and getting the book from him. That’s when you caught sight of the vlog camera in his other hand, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. “Oh, are you filming something?”

Now you were really curious how he might have looked without the mask because his eyes turned into little crescents as if he was shy, and you had a feeling that his cheeks would be turning pink, too.

“Ah yes, it’s for a vlog,” he explained in a surprisingly deep voice, and maybe it was the weariness getting to you or maybe it was just his charisma, but he appeared so dreamy, for a moment, you wondered if you made him up in your head.

“Are you a Youtuber then?”

“No, no,” the boy shook his head after letting out a little giggle. It was cute, his giggle. It sounded so joyful yet shy. “I’m actually a rookie actor, so it’s for my agency’s channel,” he explained coyly, scratching the back of his neck.

He looked so adorable, but all the social skills you had abandoned you right then and there, and you didn’t find it in you to speak up. So you just stared at him and his crazy proportions, inwardly squealing like a child because oh my gosh, you were helped by a rookie actor! Maybe one day, he would make it big, and you could say that you knew him from the start. Only if you got to know who he was, but you were too shy to ask about it, and also, you didn’t want to inconvenience him.

“Well then, I won’t bother you,” you blurted out after much thinking, and gestured for him to go freely, you wouldn’t mind. “And thanks for the book, again,” you added, your cheeks flushed when you caught sight of another eyesmile of his. Gosh, why did he have to have such beautiful eyes? Aaand he even had a mole under his left eye, how cute!

“You… didn’t bother me, but… don’t mention it,” he replied equally shy, and it was just so amusing that there you were as a 20-something, giggling and blushing as if you had never interacted with a boy before, and there he was with all his probably 180+ centimetres, his face covered with a mask, but you could also feel the same kind of awkwardness radiating off of him.

You couldn’t even keep yourself from glancing as he walked away, talking quietly to his vlog camera while picking up some books. On the other hand, you didn’t want to be a creep, so after buying a book, you headed back to the student hall instead of stalling there because you were afraid that you would keep staring at him if you didn’t leave.

Another day, another visit to the 24-hour bookstore.

This time though, you arrived closer to 8PM than the break of dawn because you had just submitted the final draft of your thesis, awaiting your thesis consultant’s feedback, so you could finish earlier that day. You didn’t necessarily look for a certain someone, but you did look around and snap your head back when you heard people walking by because you were curious if the cute boy from before came by again. Maybe he had a schedule though. Maybe he was already sleeping. Who knew? It’s not like Taipei was small enough to definitely run into him again.

However, when you were turning a corner, you stopped dead in your tracks when you caught sight of a tall figure in a beige coat, wrapped up in a big scarf. He was trying to balance his vlog camera on one of the shelves, but it kept falling down, so without thinking twice about it, you walked up to him.

“Can I help?” You inquired with a friendly smile, but the poor boy got so startled, he literally jumped a bit in his place and a sentence in a foreign language came out of his mouth. “Sorry about that. I didn’t want to scare you,” you pointed out, desperately holding onto your handbag as if it could save you from further embarrassment.

“Oh no, it’s okay. I just didn’t hear anyone coming,” the actor justified sheepishly, running his hand through his ruffable hair. He let out a little giggle, and although you heard it last time as well, it was just as adorable as before.

“So do you need help with your camera? I could hold it for you,” you suggested after pulling yourself together for a coherent sentence. You realised it was difficult to function like a normal human being beside him, but you tried to cover it up by acting confident. You could only hope it was working.

“Ah… yes, thank you. That would be great,” he gave in, and so he instructed you how to record him while he was browsing the bookshelf. You could guess that he wasn’t from around here, and not only because of that sentence that left his mouth when he got surprised, but also because he was looking for the right words to say when talking about the camera. Either way, you got what he was trying to say, and recorded him from the back and from the side.

In the meantime, you tried to focus on the smaller version of him in the frame, not his real-size version because you were already malfunctioning as it is. You didn’t even know what took a hold of you to walk up to him, you weren’t usually this proactive. However, you weren’t even looking for boys at bookstores much to Allen’s - your best friend’s - dismay who said that meeting the love of your life at a bookshop would suit you so much.

“Thanks. That will be enough, I think,” the actor walked up to you after a few minutes, bringing you back to reality, and you handed the camera back to him swiftly. Your fingers touched for a brief moment, and as short as it was, you had a feeling that your whole face lit up like a torch.

“Do you… have some time now? I would like to get you a drink in exchange for your help,” he offered gently, and you just gaped at him like a fish because what was going on? Was it real life? “If you don’t, that’s okay, too. I-”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine. I have some time now,” you cut him off before he could overthink your silence, and so you went to one of the cafés within the bookstore. You got yourself a lemongrass tea and he got himself a decaf latte, and only when he got rid of his mask to take a sip from his drink, did you catch sight of his features.

He had those squishy cheeks that grandmothers would like to pinch, and when he smiled, his dimples popped off, something that always melted your heart. He had distinctive features, and they were both boyish and manly as he seemed to be dancing between his teenage features and his adult ones. He didn’t even wear any make-up, and even though you could see some pimples and darker circles under his eyes, no one had ever looked as ethereal yet humane to you as he did then.

You don’t remember who started asking questions, but you talked about your major, your thesis and your classes, and he told you that he was here to shoot a drama where his character was a Korean exchange student coming to Taiwan. So even though he had to learn Mandarin for his role, it wasn’t perfect, and he offered that you could correct him anytime. You both laughed when you realised that you had met last time at the crack of dawn because of similar yet different circumstances; he had just finished shooting and couldn’t go to sleep, and you had just stopped writing for your thesis and couldn’t sleep either.

He was a fun company, and somewhere along the way, you blurted out that if he needed any recommendations for places to check out here, he could let you know. You wouldn’t take advantage of it and have his fans come by, something that he mentioned was unlikely since he was just starting out in the industry.

“Oh, come on! I’m sure you’ll make it big,” you encouraged him with a thumbs-up, and there it was, that shy smile playing on his lips, something that you had only fantasised about before when he had been wearing the mask. It was even more beautiful than you would have imagined, and you couldn’t help but blush seeing his reaction.

Time flew by so fast while you finished your drinks, and you said goodbye at the metro station, but only after exchanging social media handles. Seeing him again was already like hitting the jackpot for you, but even having his contacts?

You were floored.

Hyunsuk was the loveliest guy, you swore. He held doors for you, he pulled you closer to save you from cyclists passing by, he helped you carry your bags, and of course, he continued to help you reach for books (or rather, instead of you).

Even though the 24-hour bookstore was your secret little getaway at first, after a while, you started going to other places - some more, some less popular -, and even came by the bubble tea place where Allen worked. He and his friend (plus co-worker) - Nicholas - couldn’t stop teasing you about never bringing a guy to their place before. They even said it out loud in front of Hyunsuk, the audacity!

Despite the fact that Hyunsuk wore masks sometimes in more crowded places, you didn’t mind because his company mattered more than his face. Though when you could see his adorable moles and even more adorable dimples from up-close, you melted inside. You didn’t know that you could feel this way before, but beside him, it was easy to feel so light and cared for. Before you knew it, you were falling for him, and there was no stopping it.

You didn’t want to pressure the boy into going to places with you because he was the busier one out of you two once you finished your thesis, and started looking for jobs. Yet, you couldn’t hide your excitement whenever he suggested something, let it be a stroll alongside the Tamsui River or a drink at a café. You didn’t mind where you went or when you went, you just enjoyed your time together for as long as it lasted.

Though you couldn’t deny that there was this looming uncertainty regarding his departure and where you stood, what would happen next if he left. You didn’t even want to think about it, but after Hyunsuk shared with you the date of his departure, you found yourself wondering about it more and more often. In front of him, you tried to act like your usual self, but at nights, your thoughts circulated back to your worrywart questions: what if he doesn’t want to keep in touch with you; what if this is the end for you two, and what if you just made yourself believe that you were someone special, but it was all in your head?

Hyunsuk might have taken note of the change in your behaviour the day before his departure because when you sat down at your usual bench by the riverside, he asked you if you were okay. At first, you contemplated whether you should lie to him and say that you were totally fine, but then, you decided to share with him what was on your mind.

“I’m okay, it’s just… it’s a goodbye, you know. And I’ve never been good with goodbyes,” you admitted with a feeble smile as you stared at the tranquil waves in front of you.

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be a goodbye,” Hyunsuk counterattacked, his voice gentle and soothing. You averted your eyes from the river to the boy’s face, and there was a bittersweet smile playing along his lips when your eyes met. You had a feeling that he was feeling the same way as you did, and since you didn’t protest, he continued.

“Sure, it’s a goodbye in a way because you won’t be there tomorrow to bid me farewell at the airport, but it doesn’t have to mean that we won’t see each other again,” he added before you could fall deeper into the pits of uncertainty, and for the first time in a while, your heart heaved a sigh.

“I want to see you again, and not just on the screen, watching your drama,” you told him with a lighter tone, and his lips curled upwards at the shift in the atmosphere.

“You can see me in interviews as well, and not just in the drama. Oh, and the Youtube videos, too!” He teased you with a grin, and you reached out to push his shoulder playfully. You didn’t mean it like that, but fine, you could play along with him.

“I hope you will give credit to your camerawoman.”

“Of course. I will specifically ask my agency to do so.”

“Now we’re talking!”

It was easy like this with him, before and now, and since you knew he didn’t want this to be a definite goodbye, your heart was lighter for the rest of the night. You walked alongside the river, shared some snacks and chatted about anything that came to your mind - from childhood bedtime stories to constellations. You only realised how much time passed by when you unlocked your phone to show Hyunsuk a photo from your gallery, but it’s not like you haven’t met close to midnight for the very first time.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” Hyunsuk announced when he checked his own phone, and received some messages from his manager. You purposefully didn’t want to accompany him to the airport because you didn’t want to get him into trouble if his manager didn’t know where he went when he was seeing you (though you had a feeling his manager knew). Plus, if he got famous, you wouldn’t want to give anyone a chance to use your farewell moments at the airport against him.

So you had your farewell at a metro station, heading in two different directions, and when he stepped closer to hug you, you melted into his embrace. The first teardrop rolled down your cheeks when he let go of you, and even though he teased you about being a crybaby, you could see that his eyes weren’t completely dry either.

“Take care until we meet again,” you wished with a genuine smile, your heart feeling light and heavy at the same time.

“Take care. And don’t forget to watch my content!” Hyunsuk reminded you as if you could ever forget. He kept waving with that adorable dimpled smile of his as you hopped on the metro and took a seat, feeling like you were in a movie because gosh, everything happened so fast! Both meeting him and saying goodbye to him, but you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

You needed this night, you needed him to act like his usual self to be able to let him go, carrying a piece of your heart with himself until you would meet again.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!

Click here for my CIX masterlist

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

never not mine, m | jjk | "... in your eyes."

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

You'll find that you were never not mine. Wandering sometimes leads to finding. Finding sometimes leads to the truth. The truth sometimes leads to pinning someone to the wall and kissing them. But only if it feels right.

part i | part ii | this is part iii

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; sloooow burn; exes-to-lovers / second chance romance; angst and fluff and feels; your POV; smut (nipple play, scratching / marking, handjob, cum-eating / feeding, fingering, penetrative sex - missionary, doggy)

non-idol!AU; fashion model!Jungkook — ft fellow model/actor!Kim Taehyung and model/businessman!Kim Seokjin; reader is not part of the entertainment industry

--

“What is the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?”

The most important lesson I’ve learned, huh… I think I would say that even though this world is difficult, tough, downright unbearable at times, it is okay to be comforted by the small things. I think a lot of people ignore those small things when they’re upset since they seem frivolous or out-of-touch to appreciate when you are having a hard time. But those are the most important times to enjoy them. We should not feel guilty about a small happiness. A taste of a favorite sweet. The sunset sky when you look up. Laughing with a friend even though everything around you feels dark. These moments will become the stars that will light up your universe in this black world.

For such a friendly, unassuming young man in a suit, he had been such a poet.

At first, you wondered if this was something you could apply on to your life. You had asked, it works in reverse too, doesn’t it?

He had tilted his head, inquisitive. What do you mean?

Small, painful things can slowly but surely break a reverie too, if you don’t take notice of them.

Ah. You’re right.

Each conversation had been insightful in its own way. The woman in the white dress. The most important lesson I’ve learned is loyalty. You might not make as much money or be as famous as you would if you turned your back on someone, but money and fame are fleeting. If you nurture those around you well, you will live a fulfilled life. The man with the silvery-blonde hair and white dress shirt. What an odd question. For me… to be proud of doing what I want to do, even if I may not measure up to the success of others. When I was younger, I thought it was more important to reach a massive audience, to have many people see my color. But now... I don’t think that’s what I want. I want to be an important part of someone’s life, short-term or long-term. I want my time to count to those who count. The woman in a tight denim number and lots of colorful bracelets. It’s important to be yourself. No one walks the same path. You might be too much for some but you might be just right for others, and those people will end up understand you best. The last one, a man with a bright smile and black dress shirt that seemed to barely contain his energy. An important lesson, huh? I guess I would say, go for it. Sometimes I’m uneasy or not confident in a new situation, and I have to remember to just go for it. Yeah, I think I’ve learned a lot from just doing rather than thinking too long about it. The only thing holding me back was being scared. But, being scared doesn’t mean you can’t take action. It means you can, because you have the strength to acknowledge your fear.

Yes, well.

Going for it sort of ended in smashing over a million won worth of liquor into the ground.

You couldn’t blame the advice though. Honestly, you were glad for it. You were glad for each and every connection you made tonight with those strangers. You weren’t sure if Kim Seokjin had set it all up or if each one had approached from their own curiosity. A mixture of both, maybe. Before, they had all been only pretty faces. A shallow judgement for each individual’s hopes, dreams, and realities. You were sure that was Seokjin’s plan – for you to see for yourself what kind of world you were in.

Maybe not so vapid after all.

A little silly, perhaps.

“Hmph, well, at least I can thank you for not letting me walk into a porn scene.”

You winced as Kim Seokjin folded his arms. You both had stopped at the end of the hallway with Seokjin waving the guards away to speak to you directly. Your feet were mildly hurting from standing up for so long. It could have also been due to the emotionally draining past hour.

“I had no intentions of that,” you protested.

Those perfect brows furrowed in disbelief. “Uh huh.”

You made a face. “Nothing was happening back there.”

“Uh huh,” Seokjin tittered again.

You couldn’t keep looking up at him anymore. He held a hand up as you shifted your eyes to the wall, crossing your arms too. Mostly to keep warm. And to hide a bit.

“Nu uh, I don’t want to know what dirty things you two were talking about.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “It’s not like that–”

Seokjin cut you off abruptly. “Did it help?” he inquired pointedly. “Did smashing one of my most expensive bottles of alcohol provide the catharsis you were looking for?”

You felt your cheeks heat. “S-Sorry, I’ll pay for it–”

“Hmph!” He sounded and looked offended. “I don’t need money. I have plenty of that. What I don’t have plenty of is somewhat sane people in my life. I watched you destroy public property and slap one of my security guys as if it was a normal Friday night for you.”

You cowered a bit. “Ah… I’ll apologize to him too.”

Seokjin sighed. He was a refined man with a hint of childishness that gave him eternal youth.

“I was glad to see it.”

He laughed slightly, shaking his head. You stared at him.

“I was nearly afraid that dating Jeon Jungkook had broken you.”

Wait.

“Broken me?”

His large shoulders slumped a little. “Ah, it was… It was so obvious. With Jungkook, too. It was as if the light had been sucked out of him. And you. There was a coldness about you that formed. I worried if you could hear all the whispers behind hands. Hoped Jungkook-ah had shielded you from them or, I don’t know, made you impervious somehow. But you could feel it too, couldn’t you? The ostracization. And he had contributed to it, in time.”

He had noticed.

That was enough to touch your heart.

You faltered. “It’s none of your fault. Or his circle of friends.”

Seokjin waved his hand. “Of course not. But it was still there. Hearing mindless droning all day is still a minor annoyance that builds up to a hornet’s nest over time. And I – no, we – spoke up too late.” He lowered his arms, defeated. “There isn’t much I can do, I know. But I wanted you to know that not everyone among us feels that way. Not everyone has their head in the clouds. Not just my circle of friends, but lots of people in this industry are good people with good intentions who are much better at comforting words than I am.”

You felt a surge of gratitude. Maybe for the first time tonight, you felt like crying. You lifted your head to soft, black brown eyes that were the windows to a big heart.

“Thank you.”

He seemed taken aback. “Ah… Right. Yes, you’re welcome,” he mumbled awkwardly.

You bowed to him.

“S-Stop that!” He smacked your shoulder with a mix of panic and defiance. “Don’t be ridiculous. And, anyway, I didn’t even succeed! You still ended up in an altercation with that big-nosed dongsaeng of mine. Hah…”

You laughed a little. “Ah, I’m sorry about that too. It was my fault he was so riled up.”

Seokjin gave you a contemptuous look that would put even the most disapproving aunt to shame. “No, really?”

You tried not to laugh. He was making it very difficult. It was probably the designer suit and corporately-parted hair mixed with his cartoonish reaction. “Please don’t be too hard on him.”

He made a disgruntled face as if he had to deal with an obnoxious puppy. “You should be worried about me. I’m sure he’s back there stomping his feet and being a stubborn little shit. Hah, well. I’ll have security escort you to your car waiting outside. Don’t slap anybody.”

You pouted. His youthfulness was infectious. “Aish, I won’t. I know my limits.”

“If only your other half did.” Seokjin threw up his hands in exasperation. “Go before I change my mind.”

He wouldn’t.

You backed off anyway, letting Seokjin saunter off, and was greeted halfway to the door by a kind security guard who didn’t ask if you were going to slap him. He did seem amused though. He was professional enough to keep it to himself, leading you to a side entrance where a black car was waiting to take you home after a very long and enlightening night.

-

Night felt different now.

Days felt different too, but the change wasn’t as obvious due to the hours consumed by work. There was plenty of distraction during the day, although you became strangely aware to how the world seemed different. How the sunlight seemed brighter. How there seemed to be a rhythm to the birds’ wings as they flapped away. How you occasionally caught yourself scanning the faces on streets, looking for something.

Someone.

But the sunset is when you noticed the shadows dancing around you. As the day died, you watched people slip from their responsibilities to their desires. A warm meal. A visit to the store to pick up a visual treat or a world within pages. A chance to see a familiar face, ending in a hug or, if lucky, a kiss. Stories within bodies.

You, too.

You found yourself at the movie theater again. You spent a moment, scanning the titles, picking an action movie you had never heard of. Even splurged for the popcorn, shaking it up in the bag with the salty, garlicky powder getting on your fingertips. You spotted a few clusters of friends. Couples. But also a few single individuals that were busy getting comfortable in their seats, placing their belongings just so, as if they did this all the time.

So, you too, sat down and placed your black bow purse beside you, adjusting your popcorn bag to the perfect snacking distance. It was exciting as the lights dimmed to black, enjoying the music score in surround sound, sucked into another world of imaginary action that you could safely enjoy despite all the bullets.

With popcorn, of course.

It felt different now.

It was only after you made your way home that you realized why.

And you smiled.

Another night, you decided to stop by the mall. Not to buy anything really, but to listen to the music at each of the stores. In this day and age of everything online, it was rare for you to make the effort. It was different now though, somehow. Honestly, not so bad. You purchased an overpriced drink and pretended to look at all the clothes as you listened to what was popular right now. Occasionally, you heard something interesting and pulled out your phone to search for the title of the song vis one of the lyrics, the usual way you used to do it. There were definitely apps for identifying songs instantly now, you thought, but there was something hands on and extra satisfying of replicating an old process.

You found yourself in front of a wall of skirts.

You looked up at the colors, the patterns, and saw nothing of what was currently in your wardrobe.

At work, you were required to dress semi-professionally. A lot of single-color blouses, long black skirts, simple silhouette dresses. A cardigan was your idea of spicing it up. In fact, today you were in a maroon button-up blouse with a high neck and billowy sleeves, and your signature long black skirt. Black heels with a cross strap detail, nothing special. Before, while you were dating Jungkook, you had borrowed a lot of clothes, as they had been required for specific events. Transactions. Nothing you personally owned, nor needed to. Even the small, tight dresses that you had purchased for dates you didn’t own anymore. You had donated them all. They had been purchased with the intent to look like a model’s girlfriend. Not to look like, well.

Yourself.

A pink gingham miniskirt with small red strawberries stitched onto it caught your eye.

You left the store with a brown bag with a few parcels wrapped in pink tissue paper and a lighter bank account. Did you know where you were going to wear these clothes? Nope. It was different, buying without a purpose, and yet.

It was an excuse to find an occasion.

You settled on a bench with a smile.

You held your drink and lifted your head, watching people walk past. Seeing glimpses of their stories through the windows of shops. A surprised face at seeing something they wanted. A look of bliss once they took a sniff of a scented candle. A wringing of hands in front of a gift shop, running out of time and paralyzed by decision. You took a sip, wondering if they would be successful. Your thoughts wandered, as they always did. I have someone. Individual realities parallel to yours, with the occasional interaction a demonstration of interaction. Moments that required moving against the natural course for a purpose. Sometimes a brief purpose, and sometimes entangled because they wanted to be.

The question was, did you want to be?

You had become aware of how your line had been. Dulled by distraction, lacking intersections, moving the lonely course without remorse. All the small things becoming a blur of monotony. The roses had become colorless from the coldness that you had inadvertently held onto.

Bit by bit, you were finding color once more.

You stood up with your empty cup, hurrying to find the appropriate trash can to dispose it in.

“Hey, excuse me!”

You started.

A mother with her arm around a small child’s shoulders waved at you. “Your shopping.”

“Oh, sh–sorry!”

You went back, bowing repeatedly as you picked up the brown bag, startled that you had forgotten your quite expensive purchases. The child shook their head at you. You sheepishly laughed, letting yourself be scolded by the kid. “An adult shouldn’t be so careless!” Well, that was a bit harsh, but you thanked them anyway, waving as you parted.

You turned around, returning to your escape route.

Careless, huh?

Maybe the kid was right.

Someone in black was walking down the path. A man. He was walking fast. An oversized grey beanie with dark hair poking out. Body drowning in a slashed black hoodie and ripped jeans. Black boots. Black face mask. It was a bit odd because he was wearing sunglasses inside. Still, there was no reason for you to look twice. He looked up.

Somehow you knew your eyes had met.

You slowed down.

Jeon Jungkook slowed down, reaching up to remove his glasses.

Would your eyes have met if you hadn’t had to double back to retrieve your shopping bag?

If you weren’t careless?

You saw him catch his breath as soon as he knew it was you. You weren’t sure how he knew. Then again, how did you know? This entire adventure had been on a whim. He stopped at a reasonable distance from you, and half-lowered his face mask, as if to greet you. But neither of you could utter a word. You held your small black purse that you haven’t changed in several years. It was a simple design with the designer embossed in very small font above a leather bow sewed flush to the front. Unremarkable, really, unless you knew.

And he knew, because Jungkook had brought it for you.

The first gift at the very beginning. He looked from the bag to you. Wondering if he should comment on it. He hesitated, and you understood why. Two parallel lines. No interaction would occur unless one moved against the natural course and doing so would be, well.

Careless.

“I hope,” you started, cautiously. Something flickered in those big brown orbs. “I hope Kim Seokjin didn’t scold you too much.”

He lowered his head a bit, half-laughing and half-scowling. “I did get a scolding for causing a commotion.”

“It was my fault,” you acknowledged once again.

He shook his head. “No, it was mine.”

You half-smiled. “Wanna fight about it?”

Jungkook raised his head, still holding onto the bottom of his face mask. You could see the mirth in his stance. It was almost as if there wasn’t a weighing limbo trapped between you and him.

“Actually, yeah.”

Almost immediately, you saw him falter, as if he knew he shouldn’t say something like that. You felt a sting witnessing it. He opened his mouth, and you almost heard it, his casual, just kidding, and this wasn’t like him at all.

“Hey, Jungkook.”

You interrupted him before he could add, just kidding. He stiffened, exposing hints of the printed white t-shirt under the tears of his hoodie. You were both occupying space on the walkway. People needed to walk around, some unbothered, some slighted by the inconvenience. His name on your tongue felt foreign and familiar at the same time. An end and a beginning all at once.

I have someone.

So did you.

You smiled.

“It’s really good to see you out and about.”

His eyes widened. You hoped he could tell that you meant it. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat a bit, trying to eliminate the sudden croak. “Yeah. You too. I’m…” His eyes shifted a bit. He was always focused on you, regardless. “I’m glad I ran into you today.”

And maybe that was it.

You were okay with that, though. That might have previously been a lie, but not now. It was probably unnecessary to say. Perhaps you had spoken up for some sort of closure, for both you and him. A chapter ended in some way.

He rubbed the back of his neck, ticking his head to the brown bag by your side. “You came to shop today?”

You held it up halfway with a chuckle. “Ah, well… It wasn’t the plan. Ended up that way.” You noticed the way he intently observed your actions. Couldn’t avoid it, really. You lowered the bag, not hiding even though it was maybe the better thing to do. “What about you?”

He paused. Had he forgotten already? You watched him gain his bearings with bemused patience.

“Ah, I…”

Jungkook looked and sounded embarrassed.

“What the hell,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Actually, I cancelled a shoot last minute.”

Your head tilted. “I’m surprised. That’s not like you.”

His pink lips upturned. You could spot that tiny mole underneath them, right at the center. “Yeah…” He trailed off, unable to meet your gaze. Ashamed, almost.

“It’s okay, though,” you offered. You hated to see that expression on his face. “You did what you felt was right. These things happen.”

He scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t cancelled a shoot since…” He stopped.

You waited.

Jungkook glanced at you. You saw a pink twinge dust across his cheekbones.

“Since I first asked you out.”

You blinked at him. “What are you talking about?” You frowned. “I don’t remember anything like that.”

He winced and looked up at the ceiling, rocking on his heels a bit. “Actually, I… I lied. I pretended I wasn’t getting any bookings. Just to spend time with you in the beginning. But, uh, then I felt guilty. I wasn’t the man I thought I needed to be. The man you deserved.” He sighed, yanking one of his hands out to scratch his eyebrow absentmindedly. “But maybe I never was, because then I got swept up in all that bullshit.”

Jungkook looked down.

“I know it’s too late to say such things now.”

He seemed to collapse a little bit despite his tall frame.

“Now, it’s…” He sighed. “I can’t concentrate at all. I keep asking myself what I’m doing. For a while there I kept working in hopes that you would…” He grimaced again, but chose to ramble on anyway. “So you would still see me everywhere. Stupid, huh? And now it’s just…” He shook his head. “I think I should give up.”

You didn’t know what to say.

He took a deep breath and straightened. “Ah, my bad. I went on for nothing.” Bowing slightly, backing away. “I have a lot on my mind. I didn’t expect to run into you and now I’ve run my mouth like a madman.”

“Jungkook.”

His name came out of your mouth before you registered it. He stopped moving, looking back at you, halfway between pulling up his face mask. You struggled to find the words, clutching your unexpected purchases and your racing heart, his first present to you against your ribs.

“Don’t give up.”

You made sure not to break eye contact.

“It’s not like you to give up, you know. It’s my… my favorite thing about you.”

He seemed stunned.

“R… Really?”

You couldn’t help but smile. Nervously albeit fiercely determined.

“One of many.” You relaxed a bit, relieved that you were able to say so. You laughed a little at the absurdity of it all. “Although perhaps we need to stop doing these kinds of things in public.”

Jungkook jumped, seemingly realizing all the people around too. “Ah… Whoops.”

You bowed as you spoke. “Then, I’ll…”

The way he said your name, so soft and dreamlike, made you freeze mid-movement. He seemed flustered, stepping a little closer to you. It was the correct moment to pull back, replace some respective distance between you and him to keep a measure of strangers, and yet.

You let your eyes meet his under wisps of black hair sticking out of his beanie.

“Can we spend a little more time together? If it’s not too much trouble?”

It was. You had work tomorrow. You needed to get home and put away your things. Wash up. Do your nightly routine to unwind. Get back to being a responsible adult with responsibilities living a responsible life.

Your lips curved into a mischievous smile.

“Sure.”

-

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere.”

You were standing by his motorbike now. His pride and joy, yet you knew it was rarely used in his day-to-day life. For the best, probably, considering the risk. You weren’t surprised to see it today though. He always rode when he felt frustrated or out of it. The walk here had been silent, which you had expected. Jungkook was the king of speaking without a plan. You didn’t mind it, though. It reminded you of good times.

He awkwardly shuffled, obviously realizing that himself now.

“Hey.”

“Uh?” he answered distractedly.

“Why did you ask me out back then?”

He fumbled with his hands a bit. “Ah, that’s…”

You tilted your head, patiently waiting.

“I…” He stuttered a bit. Cleared his throat again. “I just couldn’t help but look twice. I thought you were hot as hell.”

You almost snorted. “Don’t you encounter enough of that at work?” you chuckled.

He shook his head. “No, it’s more like… Um, even if they’re attractive, everyone knows it is pretty for a purpose. They’re all taking care of themselves. Looks are the selling point, after all.” He poked at his own chest. “Me too.” He raised his head to you. “But you’re different. You don’t have to think about how you look will reflect in a paycheck. You take care of yourself for yourself.”

You thought about it. It didn’t seem that extraordinary. “Well, anybody can do that.”

He smirked.

“If anybody could do it, why could I only see you?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks. You raised a hand to smack him and stopped short. Instead, you let your hand fall and half-rolled your eyes. “Ehhh, don’t try to pull that stuff on me.”

He laughed behind his hand. “Have to try.”

You frowned with feigned annoyance. Jungkook had always been taller than you, even in heels, assuming you weren’t opting for miniature stilts. Still, you always had the impression he was never looking down at you, but up, even when his eyes were downcast.

“Yeah, that.”

You narrowed your eyes. “What?”

“That look you’re giving me right now,” he chuckled sheepishly. “I knew you’d be able to balance me out and set me straight.”

You squinted at him. You let out a puff of air and looked away, tumbled into memories where maybe you could have been the one to change the course of these parallel lines. “Yeah, and look where that got us,” you muttered.

Sigh.

Somewhere behind you, a car honked loudly.

“Standing next to each other?” Jungkook quietly asked.

Two cars were having trouble at an intersection at the end of the row.

Standing next to each other.

Your gaze drifted back and locked with his. He didn’t try to hide the emotions his eyes. You were quite sure he could see through you too. The impasse remained, not because a bridge couldn’t be built, but because it couldn’t bear to be burned once more. Once more meant it would crumble to ash and disappear forever. You had thought it already had, until tonight.

You tried to reason with the unreasonable. “You cannot believe you skipping work and me deciding to spend a good chunk of my paycheck to mean some serendipitous shit, can you?” you scoffed.

He gave you that brilliant smile that had tamed you from the very beginning.

“You–”

You poked him hard in the chest.

“Ahh!”

Jungkook must not have expected that at all.

He almost fell over.

Your hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of his hoodie, dragging him back. His body lurched, slightly off balance, and your elbow swung forward, bracing onto his abs, leaving your faces close enough together for bystanders to get the wrong idea. For him to get the wrong idea. For you, too. You were close enough to count his eyelashes.

Enough time elapsed that you might as well have.

“What… What is with you?” you muttered, gripping his clothes. “You’re so… dramatic.”

He had another piercing on the side of his right lip now. Huh. How come you didn’t notice? Probably too busy being mad at him. Or not staring at his lips in fear of indecent thoughts. This current proximity and shared heat were not helping. His hands were somehow on your shoulders. Probably to steady himself. Or something else. You weren’t sure.

Jungkook stared at your lips.

You didn’t back away.

He leaned down and kissed you.

He must be an idiot to put you both in this position again. You must be an idiot too, because you kissed him back. Fuck it. Your hand on his chest relaxed, fingers spreading out, pressing your lips to his, breathing him in. He still used the same cologne you had complimented on back then. It made you smile into his lips. His tense hands on your shoulders fluttered, one slipping down to your upper arm, the other grazing your neck. His thumb brushing the side of your cheek. His other fingers weaving into your hair, tilting his head slightly. No promises, but.

A dream made.

You tapped his chest, forcing him to break the connection.

“W… What?” Jungkook gasped, his short breath mixing into yours.

“Not… Not here,” you chuckled, feeling your racing pulse in your throat. “I think we’ve done enough public reconciliation. Adding public indecency is not it. Someone is going to recognize you soon.”

Those shadowed eyes watching you were telling you he was ready to risk it.

“No,” you gritted, punching his chest lightly. Surprisingly, Jungkook did not budge and held on very strongly to your arm. “Stop that. Stop it with the sex eyes.”

He grinned. You could tell from the way his eyes crinkled. “Is it working?”

You pried yourself from him with some effort.

“All you’re telling me is that you really like handcuffs.”

“Promise?”

You straightened your clothes and answered absentmindedly. “Promise what?” You looked up to give him an indignant expression. He took your purchases to place them in the back of his motorcycle, giving you no verbal response.

Just a sneaky smirk in return.

-

“What did you think was gonna happen?”

“Uh…”

Before he could make another sound, you grabbed Jeon Jungkook by the collar and dragged him to you.

It was different.

Just not in the way you thought it would be.

Part of you thought to hold back. Build a solid foundation to see if this would work. Talk for a long while, move slow, step by recommended step. Then again, if you actually believed that, you would have instructed him to take you back to your apartment. Maybe send him off with a kiss and a pat on the head. You know. The complete opposite of shoving him up against his living room wall and tracing your tongue over his moaning lips with his hands gripping your waist. If this was going to work, it was always going to work. It didn’t matter if it was the wrong way or the right way.

This love was either going down in a blaze of glory or start an everlasting fire.

Might as well get on the ride.

You let him kiss down your neck, your hands sliding down to his. Interlocking fingers. Shivering at the sensation of his lips in your skin, familiar and new. Body-to-body. You pulled up his hands to force him to lose the top layers, including the beanie, exposing his toned chest and gleaming tattoos going from his right hand to his shoulder. His hoodie and t-shirt fell to the floor in a soft thump. His hair was different than when you had last seen him. Sides shaven, the top still long, messy black waves due to being crammed into the beanie. He flicked his head back, sending black strands all over his half-moon eyes, glistening pink lips parted in a soundless gasp.

You took his wrists and pinned Jungkook to the wall.

Panting, watching him under you despite looking upwards.

“W… What?” he breathed, locked in your transfixed stare.

It was different, yet it was the same. You could feel it. There could have been many others between the last time and right now. You knew there wasn’t. It was both sad and validating, because you knew how much he hated being alone, but now you knew there was truth to those promises he had said to you between sheets and pillows.

You leaned down and licked a wet, fat stripe over his chest, dripping saliva all over him.

Jungkook moaned, leaning his head against the wall.

“You belong to me,” you whispered over his heart. Raised your head and he was looking back at you.

Only you.

“I belong to you,” he whispered back.

You skimmed your lips over his skin.

“Prove it to me.”

He surrendered.

To your tongue, tracing patterns over his collarbones. To your lips, dotting kisses and making him flinch, whining for more. To your hands, holding him down and at your mercy, exploring him with sight, touch, and taste. You let go of one of his wrists to trail your nails over his abdomen, observing the way his body rippled, lifting towards you as sensitivity increased. You let your fingers wander, around his waist and into shaded territory, running your nails down his spine, watching his reaction. His head tilted back, hair in wisps around his temples, dark eyes clouded in lust.

Your name slipped from his lips.

You dug your nails into his lower back and pulled yourself up, unable to keep the side of your lips from curving upwards at his delicious whines.

“Take off my blouse.”

His fingertips slid across the slinky maroon fabric. Button by button, the fabric began to unravel in his hands, your forehead to his as he did so. You took his breath, tracing his muscles, murmuring his name just to feel him shiver as he heard it.

“I never had anyone else after you,” he mumbled, circling one of the buttons with his thumb. “I couldn’t.”

“You could have,” you hummed. “You were a free man.”

Jungkook undid the last button and stared into your eyes.

“No, I’m not.”

You half-smiled. “I wouldn’t take it personally.”

He leaned in again, brushing your lips with his.

“I belong to you.”

His touch, his kiss, the dance of mesmerizing senses. You stepped back. He followed. Tangled in each other, your blouse slipping off and dropping to the floor. Your bra unclasped, tumbling, his hands all over, places he had been a million times and desiring forevermore, squeezing your breasts with his hands, almost tripping over your skirt as you stepped out of it. His pants joined the trail of passion, and then his tongue was on you, lifting you in his arms and tasting your hard nipples with your hands in his hair, clutching his head for support with your legs around his waist.

“I’m going to fall,” you gasped, breathless.

“Over my dead body,” was the muffled answer with his face buried into your breasts. “Fuck, I love your ass.”

Perhaps to avoid death getting two for the price of one, Jungkook let you down, devouring you with kisses with your taste lingering on his lips, sinking his fingers into the soft curves. You curled your tongue against his, making him moan, hips grinding against hips, feeling his insistent hardness against your softness, trapping himself between your legs. You were still in your panties and he was still in his boxer briefs, although the thin fabrics were merely a nuisance to the inevitable.

“Jungkook…”

He was thrusting into you and jamming his cock in between your thighs, his strong arms wrapped around you and his teeth on your shoulder. You hummed, torn between telling him off and enjoying the feeling of his arousal swelling between your legs, but it was he who gasped and threw his head back, his hard length twitching against your clothed pussy.

“You ready to include me in this?” you questioned, amused.

“S-Sorry… Can’t help myself…”

Somehow, by instinct and minor effort, you were both in his bedroom now. The familiar bed you had once called yours, remembering the future dreamed upon those white sheets. Jungkook pulled you to them, calling you to the paradise that could only be created between two. Don’t, was your meek protest as he pulled down your panties and kneaded your thighs, shaking his head, I don’t care, and his tongue slid over your heat. Wet, dripping, your sweet taste and his saliva. He moaned between your legs, decorating you with kisses before sliding his tongue over you, drinking you desperately, you taste so fucking good, fuck, and your fingers buried into the sheets. He remembered everything you liked. Steady, soft licks, then harder when your legs tensed, tipping his head to bring his lips around your clit, drenching his chin with your wetness.

His hands turned and slipped under your legs, dragging you to his face by your ass.

“F-Fuck, Jungkook…”

You reached down and gripped his hair as you came on his face, his muffled gasp of surprise drowned out by the moan produced through your arched back and prolonged euphoria. Fuck. Fuck, it hadn’t been evident how much you missed this, no, him, your knuckles against the crown of his head, his hot tongue all over, his fingers locked onto your ass, even the way his nose brushed against your oversensitive clit as he thrust his tongue into your pussy, triggering another wave of pleasure, sparking electricity that burned through your veins.

His.

He pulled himself up with a groan, his mouth all over your body. Leaving bites, kisses, licks in his lustful wake. Your nails dug into his shoulder and he made that whimper you loved, obviously wanting more, and so you clawed his upper back as he pretended to resist you, refusing to move higher as he sucked on your nipples, gazing at you under half-lidded eyes, rubbing your other nipple between his fingers.

“Take it,” you growled under your breath.

He did, rubbing his hard, neglected cock against your thigh, denying himself longer.

Over time, you had hesitated to do such things. Jungkook had gotten in trouble before for being marked up. After all, his body was his selling point, and booking back-to-back shoots with poor choices in between ended up in humiliation. Unjustly so, perhaps, but you never did it again. Maybe you should have been more considerate this time too, but, no, that wasn’t what he was asking for.

He wanted the consequences of you.

He brought his face close to yours, your orgasm still on his breath.

“Mark me,” Jungkook demanded, his voice low and deep and gravelly. “I’m yours.”

So you did.

Hickeys on his perfect neck, sharp nails over his ass as you pushed down his underwear, adorning him with fierce, vicious passion that bruised him. He kissed your forehead, buried his fingers in your hair, and pinned you to him, pre-cum dripping onto your hip as he kicked off his restraints, pressing his hardness to you.

“You’ll get in trouble,” you warned even though the damage was already done.

“I don’t care,” he retorted, his thigh rubbing against your still-wet pussy. “I don’t care if I have to cancel the rest of the week. I don’t care if I never work in the modeling industry again. The only thing I care about is making sure you always know how much I love you.”

You froze, your lips above the inked floral mandala on his right shoulder.

“I should have made time.”

His arms drew up and encircled your head, his lips against the crown.

“I’m so, so sorry for not realizing how disrespectful I was to you. And I won’t do it again,” he murmured, leaving kisses intertwined with your hair. “I promise.”

“I…”

You reached up and held his shoulders, anchored despite the turbulence of an emotional sea.

“I missed being by your side, Jungkook.”

If his hard dick wasn’t literally throbbing against your hip, you might have cried.

You reached down and touched him.

“Ah!”

“Woah.” Your arm hooked around his waist as your hand enclosed around his girth. “I’m just making sure he’s keeping interest even during this emotional breakthrough.”

His cheeks flushed as he realized he had chosen his moment with possibly suboptimal timing. He didn’t have to worry. His body seemed to recognize your hand right away. You could feel the way his cock eagerly twitched on your palm. You cocked an eyebrow. He gave you a the-fuck-you-expect look, and you curled two fingers around his balls, lightly massaging with the pads of your fingers, simulating your tongue. He gasped, gripping your shoulders.

You leaned down and spit in your hand.

“F-Fuck!”

You backed up and slowly, leisurely, spread the slippery saliva all over his cock, letting him adjust his knees to give you a better positioning. Your other arm had moved behind you, lifting your torso up as you jacked him off. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands, foreign objects in his possession before his eye line drifted down. Down. His fingers trailed over your breasts, squeezing them and playing with your nipples as you increased the pace.

“Handcuffs could come in handy right now,” you commented.

He glared at you.

“S… Shut up.”

His cock had throbbed at the suggestion though.

You tilted your head, watching his breathing quicken as you applied the pressure where he liked it, the same pulse every time, not too fast and not too slow, building the frustration with a smile.

His face tensed.

Faster. A little tighter. Your thumb rubbed just under the base of the head with every ascent. He placed his palms against your hard nipples and you felt the familiar snap of his hips, leaning into your hand, his eyelashes fluttering, and for a brief moment you considered stopping.

Then again, these weren’t your sheets.

He gasped out your name and shot all over your stomach and thigh.

Hot, thick cum splattered onto your skin, making you suck in a breath as you felt it, saw it, smelled it, intense and strong and all over you. You were lucky it was on the thicker side, white streaks sticking to your body rather than running off. A painting of perverse proportions. Jungkook stared at his work, still semi-hard in your hand, clearly turned on by the sight. You sent him a questioning look.

“What now?”

Then he shocked you, and probably himself, by diving down and running his warm tongue over your cum-covered skin.

“Oh, what–”

Instant burning tingles spread throughout your nerves at the contact, vibrating through to your core, dripping as you witnessed the milky white coat his tongue. Your hand touched his shoulder, drawing him up, and he was tamed by your gesture, rising, his lips smeared with his release, and you drew closer to the heavy scent, to him. Lips to lips. Drank it from his mouth, swallowing the mixture of saliva and orgasm. Your tongue tangled in his, his fingers in between your legs again, thrusting two fingers into you, following the pull you had on him. Deep, slow, faster as the kiss grew more intense, breath to consumed breath, rolling your hips up into his hand, tightening around him, and Jungkook moaned, getting harder in your hand as your slick arousal drenched his.

“Condom?”

They spilled over the bed in his haste.

You were pleased to see it was the same brand you usually enjoyed. There wasn’t much to be read into that, though, because they had become his favorite as well per your introduction. You wondered if there would be a second first-time awkwardness and you were immediately proven wrong from the desperate and experienced way Jungkook dragged your ass to line up his dick. There was no time to be anxious, it seemed.

“You’ve acting like you’ve never had me before,” you teased.

Those dark eyes narrowed. “Don’t act like you don’t have the tightest, most perfect pussy I’ve ever been in.”

You half-shrugged. “Things could change.”

He slid in and clenched his jaw.

“You liar.”

You smirked and closed in around his length.

“F-Fuuuuuuuck me…”

You could have probably kept it up if it wasn’t for how fucking good he felt inside you. Just the right girth, and he lifted your legs, deeper, gasping, reaching the depth you liked. Your thighs against his chest. You locked eyes. Jungkook cocked an eyebrow with a familiar smirk. The corner of your lips ticked upward, and the rough, powerful pace began, your hand gripping his tattooed forearm and the other the sheets, losing yourself to the pleasure, pressed between the mattress and his hard body. His eyes closed, your lashes fluttering, witnessing glimpses of bliss, whispers of sweet nonsense lost between moans, leaning your head back onto his pillows, sinking into his scent.

Belonging to him.

His hair flicked sweat onto your chest. Your hand on the bed bent back and shoved the pillows down, using the leverage to lift your hips to his thrust, moaning at the visceral sound of slapping hips, wet and loud and vibrating throughout the room.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he panted out between gasps. “Fuck, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

You tried to deliver a compliment back but it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Your orgasm abruptly interrupted any coherent though, forcing you to bury your head back and endure the vice-grip of wanton delirium, barely able to gasp out his name as the hot wave dragged you under, your inner walls viciously pulsing all around his length. You heard Jungkook groan and attempt to say something, probably how much he enjoyed feeling your orgasm, he had done so before, however he seemed to be in his own dilemma as well, clenching his jaw and snapping his head down, the muscles of his chest taut and tense, and, in your intoxicated haze, you realized he was attempting not to follow, but.

“Fuck!”

He slammed his cock into you and cursed, throwing his head back as you felt the jerk of his cock spilling into the condom, trapped in your tightness, dragged into the kind of fever that couldn’t be sweat out, sinking down, down.

You stilled, suspended in bliss.

It was a little easier to breathe now. You missed this. Him, specifically. The sex you had together, carnal and intense and unparalleled. Closed your eyes, breathing hard, feeling the familiarity of Jungkook on top of you, spent, sweaty, frantic for round two. He didn’t like stopping if he could help it. It was one of his best traits. You felt him lower your legs carefully, backing out of you with a hiss.

Then you heard a wet, dirty sound.

You opened one eye.

He was staring at your body.

Running his fingers over his still-hard cock, bringing it back to full hardness.

“Let me look at you.”

You hummed. “You’re only seeing one side.”

His dark eyes shifted up to yours.

“Okay. Turn over.”

Desire turned his voice deeper, huskier.

With a sly smile, you rolled over, and scooted onto your knees, spreading your ass for him. You heard him suck in a breath, that’s so fucking sexy, and you flexed, letting him watch, entrancing him with the visual and the obvious sound of your wetness.

“Every part of you is perfect.” You could hear him jacking himself off, hard and fast. “Fucking perfect.”

“I feel that your judgement is clouded right now,” you answered back, muffled by his pillows in your face.

You heard the ripping sound and then a groan as he rolled down the condom. Then his strong hands grabbed your hips, prompting you to let go, and he sank into you.

“Fuck no, it’s not,” he gasped, picking you up by the hips to fully sheath himself. You managed to pull a pillow to your chest to allow ample breathing room. “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can satisfy me.”

You made your pussy tighten around him and he moaned again, his hot breath washing down your spine.

“Then let me satisfy you,” you purred, leaning back into him.

Your ass met his crotch in a loud, gratifying smack, easily locking into a rhythm you both enjoyed. Hard, aggressive, powerful, not holding back, you lifting a hand to extend back, and he caught your forearm, thrusting deeply as he held onto you. All of his power was directed below, the grip on your arm simply a symbol of possession, forcing you to lift your head and arch your back, adjusting to that more fruitful angle, sending heat all throughout your blood and nerves, the tension building, louder, harder, more.

He let you go, and you bucked back against him.

Moaned your name, delicious and desperate, begging you.

It was hard to count your orgasms. They seemed to blend into one another, entangled with the passion and the beat, not wanting to stop even as you struggled to breathe, clutching the pillow so hard that you could still feel your nails digging into your palm. The lust searing and yet not enough, chasing more, wanting more, wanting him, only him, your only, the one that belonged to you.

Your head tipped back, seeing only fragments of your surroundings, your hair a mess over your face.

“Jungkook, I love you,” you gasped.

You felt his hips flinch and he moaned your name, long and drawn-out, his hard cock jolting inside you, gripping your hips so tightly you probably had imprints of his fingertips. There was a flurry of expletives and panting. The haze of inexplicable euphoria settling, unavoidable and desired. You closed your eyes, savoring his release, feeling the radiating vibrations of his high pour into you as he slid down, his hot hands over your back, his shuddering exhales warming your shoulder blades.

Sweat, in small shivering droplets, sprinkled onto your skin.

“I love you too.”

He pressed his fingertips into your rising and falling body, touching you all over, confessing to your racing heart beneath his lips.

“I love you so fucking much.”

-

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, totally.”

You turned your head to see Jungkook staring at your tits. You tucked a knuckle under his chin and forced it up. He gave you the big-peepers-in-headlights look.

“Huh?”

“Are you sure about this?” you repeated once more.

He gave you a confused look. “Yeah. I thought we talked about it?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Pardon me, but I’m not sure how much I can trust a discussion we were having with you balls deep inside me.”

“Eh?” His lower lip upturned. “Why not?”

You rubbed your temple with two fingers. “Why not, hah…”

“I meant it.”

You pulled one of his pillows over your naked chest so he could focus. You weren’t even sure why he had these. Jungkook slept on one of those stiff cylindrical pillows that was supposedly more comfortable. You weren’t too sure about how good that was for his neck, but sometimes you just have to accept the strangeness of your significant other. He must have kept these for the look of a nicely made bed. Or for moments like this. His eyes went back to your face again, reluctantly. He seemed a little disappointed.

“You don’t think I meant it?”

You saw his eyes were drifting to your thighs now. “It’s not really that…” You considered it. “It’s more… Well, we’ve tried already, you know. Aren’t you afraid it’ll happen again?”

His gaze shifted. You waited, letting him collect his thoughts.

“Afraid?” You saw him reflect the past and the mistakes. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am. I’m definitely going to change from how I was before. I can see how my work-life balance was shit, as both a friend and boyfriend. I don’t want to go back to that either,” Jungkook mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I get it now. I can’t get time back. I was stupid, thinking me overworking myself wouldn’t drive you away, you know, we would have so much more time later… I went about it the worst way. I didn’t even discuss it with you. That was just me being selfish, and that selfishness made me insecure… I don’t want that anymore. I promise you that.” He shook his head and looked up at you guiltily. “Still… I can’t promise I won’t fuck up in some other way. And that scares me. But I have to act, even if I’m scared. Even if your final answer is, let’s not see each other anymore, at least I will have honestly given you my all this time, because you are it for me.”

You shook your head too. “There could be someone out there for you that is a lot more suitable than me. The world is the big place.”

He frowned, exasperated. “No. No, you don’t get it.” He placed a hand on your knee and looked into your eyes. “You are it for me. The world is big place, but my world is right here.” He poked you and you laughed, startled at the suddenness. A smile burst onto his face, holding your knee down, trying to drive his point home over your mirth. “Hey! Hey. I really meant it. All of it.”

You stopped laughing.

Somehow one of your hands was covering his now, feeling his warmth and hard knuckles in your palm.

“I belong to you,” Jungkook repeated, his own I love you. “I can’t love anyone else like how I love you. I don’t care if you believe me or not. Even if you leave me, sure, I might find someone to not be lonely with, but I will only belong to you.”

You held onto his hand, curling your fingers into his palm. “You…” This man was crazy, saying things like this. He affectionately squeezed your knee, flashing that killer smile of his.

“So… Yeah, I’m sure.”

He pulled his hand from under yours and touched your cheek, his knuckles against your skin.

“I’ll go along with whatever you choose.”

Truth was, you had already chosen.

“I’ll do my best too,” you murmured quietly, holding the pillow tightly. “I won’t let myself be complacent anymore.”

From the look in his eyes, you saw that Jungkook recognized that it had become an unintentional consequence of his actions. He smiled, still stroking your cheek.

“Yeah. Let’s be a team this time.”

You nodded, smiling back.

An extended silence of staring into each other’s eyes.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Are you just imagining rubbing your dick on my cheek?”

His rough fingertips grazed over your jaw. “Yeah,” he replied dreamily.

You smacked his hand.

“Ow!”

“Pay attention!”

“W-Wha, what?” He pouted. “What am I supposed to do!”

You grimaced, feigning annoyance but also not really. This guy. “No wonder we could only have serious talks in public or incarcerated…” you muttered.

“Ah, yeah, that reminds me.”

You raised an eyebrow at him as he twisted around and reached over to his phone, watching the ripple of his back muscles as he moved. Damn. This guy. He bounced back, messing about on the screen. You were too busy admiring the definition of his arms to notice, until.

“What kind of handcuffs should we buy?” Jungkook chirped, turning his phone to showing you the screen display of a sex goods webstore.

You blinked at him.

“What.”

And thus begun round two.

-

epilogue

“Hey- oh, wow.”

You stilled, surprised.

‘Oh, I thought you were going to meet me there?”

In your hand was your well-loved small black purse with a bow. Your other hand held the door open, seeing the tall form of Jeon Jungkook gawking at you in his matching denim jacket and jeans. Calvin Klein, the same brand as his white t-shirt under the jacket. That same brand was holding a lunch event today, except one of their attendees was blocking your path, open-mouthed at your hips wrapped in a tight, pink gingham miniskirt with embroidered red strawberries. Then his stare went to your chest, to the emerald-green satin blouse that complimented the little green accents of the mini strawberries, although you suspected his interest was less in the color and more in the way the seams accentuated the curve of your breasts.

You raised your eyebrows.

“I… I left early. I wanted to pick you up,” he was saying absentmindedly.

You gestured to the black car waiting at the front. “I already ordered a car, though. I can’t ride with you on your bike in this skirt.”

“We can get in the car.” Jungkook’s eyes went back down. You knew he wasn’t admiring the delicate crisscross straps of your black velvet pumps. “Damn, your legs,” he mumbled.

The driver of the car was about to watch a live-action porno if you didn’t take action. You set the alarm and lock before stepping out. Immediately, Jungkook’s hand raised, as did his gaze. You looked from the tattooed hand to his face. He grinned, creating sparkles in his big dark brown eyes.

“I ran off, hehe. I just wanted to personally accompany my darling,” he admitted. “Hopefully no one noticed.”

You fitted your hand in his, letting him lead you. “You’re too handsome not to notice. What a troublemaker,” you joked, pleased at his rebellion.

“Your troublemaker now. Where are we eating?”

“There’s a French themed café near some shops. After, could we stop by the tea shop? My dad has a request I need to fulfill.”

“Ooo, I love adventures with my future wife.”

You gave him a curious smirk. His mischievous grin just kept getting bigger, that underlip mole suddenly visible like a secret wink. He had been dropping such hints lately. You pretended to gloss over it even though the discussion of dream rings had already happened months ago. You reached out to open the car door and Jungkook impatiently nudged your hand away, doing it for you so you could enter easily in your heels. It was a very nice thing to do.

Taehyung probably grilled such behaviors into him. Not that you were complaining, of course.

You confirmed the destination with the driver as Jungkook got in the car from the other side, taking care to hook his sunglasses on the front of his shirt. You heard his phone vibrate. You turned your head to see him snickering at it.

“Taehyungie’s mad that I left him alone.”

“Whoops.” You did feel a little bad.

He waved a hand, tongue in cheek. “He’ll get over it.”

Your eyes met.

He had such beautiful, expressive eyes that held the stars every time he saw you.

“You sure?” you asked quietly.

Jungkook reached over and stroked your cheek with a smile.

“I’m sure I want to eat lunch with my future wife, yup. Then I’ll buy tea for her dad so I can get on his good side.”

You laughed. “Sounds like a sweet master plan.”

His black hair loosely styled over his forehead made him look younger. You knew better. Perhaps grown was not the word for it, but you could tell he was becoming more and more of the man he wanted to be every day. Attending events with Jungkook was different these days; he checked on you throughout the night, actively included you in conversations, and even introduced you to people he thought you might enjoy talking to, now to the point that familiar faces would come up to you first before they recognized him. But what was more important was this – arranging quality time to spend together, more communication, and obvious commitment. The pleasant surprise not being flowers or sweets or other material things, and instead his presence earlier than expected.

His laugh at night.

His forehead kiss in the morning, even if you were half-awake in bed.

His silly photos of fogging up a makeup artist’s mirror with his breath and drawing a heart with your name inside it.

He still had a hectic schedule, but now you and him knew when enough was enough. You could finally talk about it before either of you became too stressed out or lonely by it. That improvement was worth that entire roller coaster to get here.

You smiled.

He smiled back, his knee touching yours.

He was still stroking your cheek.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“What are you thinking right now?”

He didn’t respond right away. He just adjusted his legs suspiciously and gave you his most innocent look that indicated he was most certainly guilty.

“Eh?”

You took him by the wrist and slowly lowered it before the driver could notice your partner-in-crime’s suspicious behavior. He pouted at you. The tent in his pants twitched. You cocked an eyebrow. Then you remembered something.

“Oh, by the way.”

He perked up. “What is it?”

You unzipped your purse a little bit and flashed the edge of shiny silver metal and chain.

“I borrowed something from a friend.”

Jungkook looked down.

Odd that it took him more than a moment to recognize handcuffs, considering that he – and you – had so much prior experience with them. His eyes went wide once it clicked. His cheeks flushed red. You smirked and rezipped your bag.

“What the fu–”

fin.

-

i hear... | ... the whispers... | ... in your eyes.

inspired by taylor swift's imgonnagetyouback :)

--

masterpost

[twilightmalachite]

PORTRAIT - Prologue

Author: Akira

Characters: Akiomi

Translator: Mika Enstars

[Following your active days where you were dubbed the “Sparkling Prince of the Modeling Industry”, you entered Yumenosaki Academy and became an idol, right, Kunugi-san?]

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Reception Room

👤: [—Thanks for your time today.]

Akiomi: And thank you as well.

Heheh, it’s been a while since I’ve done an interview, I’m a tad nervous. I apologize if I am stammering or behaving oddly.

👤: [Not at all, you are coming off very dignified.]

Akiomi: Why thank you. As you know, I’m employed as a teacher at a high school called Yumenosaki Academy.

I am accustomed to conversing with students and parents.

As such, I am worried I’ll end up speaking as a teacher rather than an idol or a model… Both in name and in reality, I’m more or less an ordinary person.

👤: [I humbly beg to differ. You, Kunugi-sensei, are—]

Akiomi: Please, call me Kunugi-san. Being called “sensei” makes me feel completely like I’m doing career counseling or in a parent-teacher conference.

👤: [Understood. That being said, you also perform on stage alongside kids under the name Ba-barrier. It could be said you are still active, Kunugi-san.]

[If anything, the maturity you hold that the kids lack, or the way you act as a teacher to them, is what your fans like about you.]

Akiomi: I see. Then, would it be better for me to embrace this “teacher character”?

👤: [You are welcome to. …Whatever allows you to speak more comfortably.]

[To begin, let us go through a brief introduction of yourself for those who do not know of you, Kunugi-san.]

Akiomi: Right. That would be called for, wouldn’t it? I was rather lackluster even during my active years, so most people likely do not “know of me”.

If anything, I’m surprised I was even asked to do an interview after all this time.

👤: [Your modesty is humbling. I recall that when you worked as a gravure model, you were so well-known and popular that everyone knew of Kunugi Akiomi when it came to models.]

Akiomi: Right. I suppose that is true, isn’t it?

My modeling days were smooth sailing, to where I had become such a naive and vain youngster who thought he could do anything.

👤: [Following your active days where you were dubbed the “Sparkling Prince of the Modeling Industry”, you entered Yumenosaki Academy and became an idol, right, Kunugi-san?]

Akiomi: Yes. You are quite knowledgeable.

👤: [It is only natural that I look into the interviewee.]

Akiomi: Hehe, but my modeling days aside, it must’ve been a tough feat to find out about my time as an idol.

This is not to sound self-deprecating or anything, but I was in quite the sorry state in many ways at the time.

👤: [Today, I’d like to inquire about your days as a model.]

Akiomi: That is what I’ve been told. Although over a decade has passed since then, most of those since then no longer work as models.

It’s a tough job to do long-term, much like the case with idols.

Both now and in the past, in this country one tends to find more popularity while they are young, and inevitably, one’s appearance changes as they age.

It’d be ideal if one could find a second career as an idol or an actor, but only a few become so fortunate.

👤: [I understand. As only a number of talented prodigies continue to shine brightly throughout their lifetime, the innumerable losers who fall remain unnoticed.]

[The insatiable and unfaithful pigs of the world pay no attention to the fallen scraps as they gobble. They turn away and forget it ever happened.]

Akiomi: ……

👤: [Ah, excuse me. That’s an unrelated topic.]

Akiomi: Oh, no. I am a boring person, so my students often fall right asleep when I am teaching...

So it would be quite helpful if you could continue speaking to give me some time.

👤: [No, I do apologize. Allow me to get back on topic.]

Akiomi: Alright. …So, you wanted to hear a story from the time I was a model, yes?

It might end up sounding like endless boasting. Wouldn’t that be miserable to listen to?

👤: [Of course, you are free to boast as much as you’d like. That is the essence of this interview.]

Akiomi: But I feel the publication of such a thing simply harbor animosity… Well, it’s not as if the name Kunugi Akiomi could be damaged or dirtied any further.

That being said, I do not wish to spark any controversy, as I typically hold an arrogant figure in front of my students—

So, let us center ourselves around a tale of failure.

Youngsters may not enjoy listening to an old man’s heroic story of their past, but they may be amused by a pitiful tale of failure.

👤: [Please, do tell us.]

Akiomi: Alright. It appears that your interests lie in “that area” as well.

Now, from when shall I talk about?

👤: [When it comes to your tales of failure from your modeling days, Kunugi-san, there is one that comes to mind. That ominous department store instance—]

Akiomi: Ahh… The incident that forced me to suspend my modeling activities for a while.

It’s a bit late now, but as the statute of limitations have expired, how about we speak of the truth of that incident?

Since I will not disclose the names of those involved for privacy reasons…

I’ll call these people A-kun, B-kun, and C-kun tentatively.

This is a true story of my personal experience involving me and these three very beautiful and lovely child models.

[ ☆ ]

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[zermizomilk]

you [erased some that were weird tho] 3. do you miss anyone? 4. what are you looking forward to? 5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? 6. is it hard for you to get over someone? 7. what was your life like last year? 8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? 9. who did you last see in person? 10. are you good at hiding your feelings? 11. are you listening to music right now? 12. what is something you want right now? 13. how do you feel right now? 15. personality description 16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? 17. opinion on insecurities. 18. do you miss how things were a year ago 19. have you ever been to New York? 20. what is your favourite song at the moment? 21. age and birthday? 23. fear(s) 24. height 25. role model 26. idol(s) 27. things i hate 28. i’ll love you if… 29. favourite film(s) 30. favourite tv show(s) 31. 3 random facts 32. are your friends mainly girls or guys? 33. something you want to learn 34. most embarrassing moment 35. favourite subject 36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? 37. favourite actor/actress 38. favourite comedian(s) 39. favourite sport(s) 40. favourite memory 41. relationship status 42. favourite book(s) 43. favourite song ever 44. age you get mistaken for 45. how you found out about your idol 46. what my last text message says 49. where i want to be right now 50. favourite picture of your idol 51. starsign 52. something i’m talented at 53. 5 things that make me happy 54. something thats worrying me at the moment 55. tumblr friends 56. favourite food(s) 57. favourite animal(s) 58. description of my best friend 59. why i joined tumblr 60. do you have a funny joke [[i zoned out during the organization proccess so if there are any asks you're uncomfortable w, just ignore them]]

3 bird

4 end of the day

5 you

6 sometimes

7 alot more naive to to internet interaction

8 yes

9 technically my brother

10 yes

11 no

12 rather not say

13 annoyed and angry

15 idk

16 yes

17 it's ok to be insecure it's only human

18 id rather die then go back to how it was

19 nope

20 butchers vanity

21 age 14, bday 26 nov

23 spiders

24 idk where a tape measure is so im just gonna assume it's like 178-179 cm maybe

25 brother

26 idk

27 list is long and i don't feel like writing all that

28 elaborate

29 wonka i guess

30 i got nothing

31 mosquitoes are attached to potassium, if you dissolve styrofoam in nail polish cleaner you get napalm, in fallout 4 everyone likes artificial gorillas

32 all of you guys are nonbinary or trans so idk

33 drums

34 to many to count rather not think of them

35 like school? uhh biology i guess

36 i got nothing

37 nobody

38 nobody

39 dodgeball

40 found a bird outside my doot hurt and had a zip tie around it's leg so i helped it to the best of my ability

41 aromantic

42 im reading how to kill a mockingbird so i guess that

43 can't choose

44 10-17

45 n/a

46 Ily<3/p

49 same spot my home but alone

50 n/a

51 idk and im too lazy to look it up again

52 ¯⁠\[•-•]/⁠¯

53 uhhhh talking to you, being around animals, sleeping, talking to friends in general, playing games

55 uhh you,Large,Axel i don't think i interact with alot of my moots

56 eggs

57 bird, dog, cat

58 well unable? describe your self

59 deltarune

60 nothing at the moment

[yooglefics]

Read the new apology and I'm just 😔 like, I get what he did wasn't totally right and technically he did broke the law, BUT all the media and public harassment is so... wild. Like, why are you even holding people ( normal people whose only difference with you is their job as entertainers ) to high standards? Why are you putting a guy you don't even know ( because parasocial relationships and all ) on a pedestal and under a magnifying glass to watch his every move?

I get there is also the whole “he is a role model” aspect of it, and they're ambassadors to things about values and that is like “okay, yeah, you should be careful with your image”, BUT WHY IS HE A ROLE MODEL?

Don't get me wrong, he is inspiring to me, but I don't think he is the best one to be choose to be a role model when he talks about not worrying about school ( not that i disagree but yk ) haha and if you don't like his actions, I don't know, don't follow him? Don't listen to his music? Just ignore him? Wild concept, I know, but you don't have to engage with things you don't like. You don't have to accept that guy is a role model and follow his lead like everyone else.

And yeah, I guess the fact that one of them finally messed up is huge and that's why everyone that ever wanted to say or justify their dislike and anger towards them is going crazy about it. But, again, why do you have a guy under a microscope? Why do you care so much about his life and expect him to be completely perfect when he is also human and humans aren't perfect and make mistakes? Why is it so big just because he is an entertainer?

I get that sometimes their career plays or can play part in things. Personally, there's another idol whose actions I side eye sometimes and the fact that he is an idol plays a part in it, because I feel the lines get blurred and I've seen so many cases where famous people use their fame as an advantage to get things ( not saying this idol does, I don't know him like that lol ). Like, sometimes the power dynamics can't, and shouldn't, be ignored because maybe some one at some point can actually take advantage of it, you know?

Also, this whole thing with him and the media made me think about a situation with and actor a few years back and how it was know his stress levels were so high ( he was in a variety show and for some reason they measured his heart rate and went “uh, let's try again because this is a bit concerning” ) and all and just… I hope myg has a good support system and that he is taking care of himself.

Is a bit complicated because I'm like “there shouldn't be so many people outside the station waiting for a statement because this should be as big of a deal” but I'm also like “what's wrong with people who told off this artist on insta about making a cute animation of him outside the station and army holding his hand???” Because yes, I guess he didn't necessarily consent to being filmed, but technically it's public footage because that was even on the news ?? Is not like the picture from his brother's wedding or the ones taken out and about ???

I'm rambling now, and I wanted to end this showing you that animation because it's cute and it could soothe the heartache a bit, but I guess I'll wait to see if the artist puts it back up.

Anyway. Idk, guys, I'm always thinking about parasocial relationships and the wilderness of it all, but this week has really made me realize that maybe it is really one of those things that not a lot of people think about and that's why we should be talking about it more. So, this is my contribution to the topic, and if you haven't, you should read chappell roan post, too.

[archeryqueen95]

whew yes girl the black kpop stan trauma is real out here

Hi, Rosie!! 😘🥰😘🥰😘 I'm sorry that I'm just now seeing this message in my inbox.

But, yes it's so hard being a black fan in kpop nowadays. Like, it's always fucking something going on and the non-black fans always want to put their two cents in the mix of the topic. They love silencing us and tell us that we don't know about our culture. I feel like next time a group does something problematic; the group and agency should be held accountable for everything that happens. Hell, even have a conference about what they did wrong instead of worrying about damaging their image in public. They didn't care about their image before they said the N word or did cultural appropriation on multiple occasions with black accents. I fear for the Black Kpop idols and actors/actresses/models in the kpop community. Because, you know they have seen and heard some crazy shit from people in their groups/career and agency. Also, I age at least 500 years when I see black fans that are okay with them doing it because "it made [Blank] look or sound so hot!" "[Blank] isn't antiblack because they have black producers and choreographers in the company." "Don't blame [Blank] for not understanding AAVE or they didn't understand it was blackface." It's so cringey when people make excuses for grown ass people that should know better. They have internet access over in Asia but they choose to be racist and colorist towards our people. They also "love" to sexualize us too. Smh! I'm so fucking tired. I'm just going to start blocking stans and groups that are like that.

[sugurushimura]

never-ending up and down

It's the eve of the meeting at Yellow Box Warehouse, and Misa is getting bored. (mostly one-sided mogimane. 2.9k words, no major content warnings. crossposted on ao3.)

“Mocchi, I’m bored.”

It isn’t enough for Misa to announce that with her words alone. No, Amane Misa jumps to her feet and tosses her hand of cards into the air, then buries her dainty little fingers in the stack on the table and shoves them cascading onto the floor. Her former hand falls around her like snow as she turns back to Mogi and points a well-manicured nail at him.

“I don’t wanna play Go Fish anymore.” 

Mogi blinks at the mess of cards, thinking back to last hour’s tossed chessboard. Misa had been losing then, too.

Then again, Go Fish is boring.

“We can stop,” Mogi offers, setting his own hand down on the table in a neat pile and beginning to pick up Misa’s mess. “What would you rather do?”

Misa sighs, loud and vocalized. She crosses her arms and walks away from the couch to the wooden dresser, then around the perimeter of the nicely-decorated hotel room with soldier-like steps until she reaches the window. In a single, sweeping movement, she pulls the pink velvet curtains open and presses her pale face against the glass.

“I want to leave,” she whines again. “Maybe if I yell loud enough, someone will come and break us out of here…”

Mogi’s blood runs cold. He stands up, blurting, “Hey, you don’t need to—”

“I’m not actually gonna do that,” Misa scoffs, pulling back from the window some. Her reflection rolls its eyes at him. “Duh, Light told us to stay here. I’m a good girl, Mocchi.”

Mogi relaxes. Eloquently, he replies, “Oh. Right.”

For a moment, they watch each other, and Misa’s expression is blank and unamused. Suddenly, she blinks and turns to face him, grinning. 

“I’ve got it! Let’s just pretend this is a sleepover,” she exclaims, clapping her hands together. “Did you ever do sleepovers when you were in school, Mocchi?”

He has to think about that one. “Yes.”

“What did boys do at sleepovers?”

“I don’t know. Watch movies.” He frowns. “My friend swallowed a hundred yen coin on a dare once and had to go to the hospital.”

Misa grimaces. “Yeah, let’s not do that. I guess it would be hard to pretend this was a sleepover, anyway, since you’re a guy.”

Mogi isn’t sure how to respond to that, so he just says, “You could pretend I was a girl.”

Misa stares at him with her big brown eyes, then breaks out into giggles. “A girl? Come on, Mocchi! I’m not a method actor, you know.”

He has no idea what those things have to do with each other, but it had been a stupid response anyways, and he realizes that now that she’s laughing at him. Color rushes to his cheeks. 

“Don’t be like that,” Misa teases. Her giggles die away, but the smile remains as she walks back to the couch, folding her arms over its stiff back and leaning to look at Mogi. “We might not be able to pretend this is a sleepover, but I have an idea.”

“What?” Mogi asks, thinking apprehensively back to every other idea Misa has had in the past four-odd years.

Flashing a peace sign, Misa exclaims, “Let’s play two truths and a lie!”

“Oh.” Mogi blinks. “Sure.”

“Yay!” Misa pumps her fist and walks back around the couch to reclaim her seat. “You know how to play, right?”

He finishes collecting the cards and sets them down in a stack on the table, then sits back down. “I do. Who’s starting?”

Misa taps a finger against her chin. “I’ll go! Let’s see… Here: my natural hair color is black—not dark brown, really black—and… my first manager was arrested for drug possession, and I haven’t eaten broccoli since I was five years old.”

When Mogi first met Misa, he had been arresting her.

The problem hadn’t started yet.

He had never been the type to keep up with idols or models or any of that, so he had never even heard of Misa-Misa before L identified her as a Kira suspect, back when he barely even knew Yagami Light. He had seen her around, and sure, he thought she was cute, but it was an objective assessment more than anything. Amane Misa was a model, after all. The possibility that she was a serial killer had been of considerably more interest. She hadn’t put up a fight, and that had been that.

“The last one is the lie,” he decides. “You’ve eaten broccoli more recently than that, right?”

“Wrong!” Misa crows, pumping her fist. “I tricked you! My first manager wasn’t arrested for drug possession—that was my second manager. My first manager died in a car crash.”

Mogi stares at her, dismayed.

She waves her hand dismissively. “It’s fine, it’s fine! He was a creep anyways. It’s your turn now.”

He shakes his head. “Um, okay. Uh… My family is Buddhist, I was in my high school’s Art Club, and I dated Matsuda’s sister for a year back when I first joined the NPA.”

Mogi never actually saw Misa’s confinement. After her arrest, L had him running errands and crunching numbers and overseeing the old office, so he never even set foot in whatever facility L was using. It wasn’t until after the higher-ups cut off their funding during the Yotsuba case that Matsuda told him about it—bound, blindfolded, unmoving, alone, nearly starving. Pigtails left in until her hair began to fall out. Horrific. The idea that he had contributed to that disturbed him, whether she was guilty or not, but it was too late by then, and Misa seemed so bubbly that he could almost forget about it entirely. 

The problem hadn’t started then, either. He had focused on his work. 

Misa gasps. “Matsu’s sister?! No way that’s true… Oh, but I want it to be! Aw… I’ll say the Art Club one is the lie. You’re a chef, not an artist! Please tell me you dated Matsu’s sister.”

“No, I was in the Art Club. I don’t think Matsuda has a sister.”

“Dang!” Misa huffs, crossing her arms. “I knew it was too good to be true.”

Mogi just shrugs. Apparently, that answer doesn’t satisfy Misa, who leans forward with a smug little smile on her face. “When was the last time you dated someone, anyway?”

“Not for a few years,” he says after a pause. “Because of the investigation.”

“That’s a bad excuse! Light has had plenty of time for me, you know,” she points out, shoving an accusing finger in Mogi’s direction. She seems to think it over for a moment, then taps her chin dejectedly. “Well, not so much recently, but that’s not his fault. We’re going to get married when this is over, you know. You could be getting married, too, if you’d started dating someone when Light and I did!”

“It’s your turn,” Mogi replies uncomfortably. 

Misa sticks her tongue out at him. “Fine. I punched Matsu once, I have an Armorer Works M712 modelgun, and I won a surfing competition when I was 15.”

Mogi had never really spoken to Misa until he was assigned to act as her manager. He hated every moment of it; filling overenthusiastic Matsuda’s shoes isn’t exactly easy when you’re used to doing research and heavy lifting. The one decent part, at least, was that Misa was nice. She told him he was doing a good job, which was more than L did. L had just handed him the role and sent him on his way. 

But the problem hadn’t started yet.

Huh. “You… you didn’t punch Matsuda. He would’ve told us.”

“Nope! I punched him during a movie shoot a few years ago because he tried to convince me to film a love scene,” she crows. “I made him swear not to tell anyone. It was easy, though—I think he was embarrassed to get punched by a girl. The real lie is the surfing competition one.”

“Why do you have a modelgun…?”

“One of the Yotsuba guys sent it to me after I interviewed with them,” Misa answers, wrinkling her nose. “I dunno why. It was really expensive, so maybe he was trying to show off. I don’t even remember his name now… I mean, he’s dead anyway. I think it was the bald one.”

Mogi can’t remember the bald one’s name, either, just Higuchi’s and Namikawa’s. For some reason, the thought of Misa receiving an expensive modelgun in the mail from a horny businessman is making him upset, so he decides to move on.

“I can sew, I can juggle, and I can pop my thumb out of place on command.”

After L died, the Task Force moved their headquarters into Light and Misa’s apartment. It had seemed a bit intrusive, but Mogi would’ve let them use his house if they had asked him to, so he couldn’t blame Light for offering. It had worked out well—except that Misa insisted on showing up in lingerie on odd nights, summoning a preoccupied Light to bed with her. At least, Light always seemed preoccupied. Mogi wonders now if he was really just disinterested.

Of course Misa was attractive. Of course Mogi blushed when she walked into the room. But, then, so did everyone except the Yagamis. 

Still, the problem hadn’t started yet.

Misa frowns. “Okay, I need to get serious. Hm… The last one is a lie. I bet you can sew and juggle.”

“You’re right.”

“Yes!” She pumps her fist (again) in celebration. “My turn. I’d never been in a long-term relationship before Light, I dated a girl once, and I lost my virginity in high school.”

He had been fine with going back to headquarters and keeping an eye on Light in Aizawa’s place. He really had been. Misa had asked for him instead, though, ostensibly because of Aizawa’s haircut, and so he stayed, for days and days that turned into weeks and weeks, even as they returned to Japan.

She didn’t do anything suspicious for even a second. Instead, Mogi was swept away in a constant barrage of shopping and cooking and listening to Misa complain about Light’s old ex-girlfriends who she’d never met, and it almost felt like he had been turned from an investigator to a babysitter. Or a bodyguard. Sometimes he almost liked it, when he wasn’t busy worrying about the Kira situation. It was easy to like it, with Misa around.

Then one night, Misa had said something like, “Even though Light loves me and trusts me, he may think I’m having an affair because I’ve been with you for five whole days under the same roof,” and Mogi had just said yes, but he hadn’t really thought about it until he was on his own. Then he thought about it. 

Oh no, he thought.

That’s when the problem started.

The fact that she’s engaged is bad; the fact that her fiancé is probably Kira is worse; the fact that she is/was also probably Kira is worse still. It never would’ve worked out.

Mogi feels like he’s been shot. He blinks hard for several seconds, hands stuck blandly on his lap. “You—isn’t that kind of… personal?”

Misa immediately breaks out into a fit of laughter, covering her mouth with one hand and pointing at Mogi with the other one. “Come on, Mocchi! How much time have we spent together lately? None of that stuff has mattered for a long time, anyway.”

“I don’t think I should say,” he begs. “Your sex life is none of my business…”

“Are you embarrassed?” Misa asks, laughing. “Well, you have to guess anyway, otherwise I win.”

“You can win.”

She pouts. “Come on, Mocchi! Aren’t you having fun? I am.”

Mogi sighs, and he suddenly realizes that he’s been hunching his shoulders to get closer to her height. He doesn’t move.

“The… the last one was the lie,” he finally says, defeated. He doesn’t really want to imagine that, which is mostly why he chooses it.

Misa immediately laughs, covering her mouth with one hand and pointing at Mogi with the other. “Wrong! You must think Misa is really pure. Well, things happen. Just don’t tell Light or he’ll get jealous. Not that it matters to me anymore—none of the boys I dated in high school hold a candle to my Light.”

Mogi wishes he was at home right now.

“Anyway, the one about dating a girl was a lie,” she continues. “I’m not a lesbian. Ew.”

Mogi doesn’t feel quite right about that but decides not to comment on it. Misa doesn’t need to know about his experience with the Tokyo gay scene. No one from his professional life does, for that matter. 

“Do you want me to go again?” he asks instead.

Misa sighs. “You could at least pretend you’re enjoying this, Mocchi. Smile a little bit!”

Mogi lifts the edges of his mouth up into an empty smile, and Misa shakes her head, amused. 

“I know you can do better than that,” she says. “Let’s do one more round! It’s not like you’re going to beat me, anyway.” 

Mogi stares off into the dark world outside their hotel window, grasping at the little memories and skills that thread together in the fabric of his mind. Despite it all, he just isn’t very interesting. You’d think he’d have more stories to tell after this many years working on the Kira case and even more working with the NPA, but what does he do outside work? He exercises, he cooks, he sleeps. Sometimes it feels like there’s barely time for that anymore. 

After racking his brain for as long as he can without eliciting prodding from Misa, Mogi finally says, “I wanted to work in television when I was a kid, last time I dated a woman I found out she was already married, and my first job was as a busboy.” 

Ever since Takada entered the picture, Misa has been different. Spiteful, bitter, cruel. How much she really knows about Takada’s relationship with Light, Mogi can’t tell, but he can tell that she drinks and mocks and curses and raises her voice more often than she used to. And then she went out for dinner with Takada one night and left the building wasted and indecipherable, and Mogi let her lean her skinny little body against his as he led her to the car.

The Misa of a few months ago would never have told Mogi to take guesses about her sex life; that topic was surely off topic, aside from the odd insinuation about her and Light. Ever since that night, though, Misa has told Mogi a lot of things that he never would’ve thought to ask—not sexual stuff, really, just odd personal details and petty grievances with her peers and obscure details about random things. He wonders if she ever feels lonely.

He can’t help but pity Misa—thin, pale Misa with her fine hair, somehow undestroyed from years of bleaching, and her dainty fingers, unbruised despite all the death and tragedy they’ve caused. If Light is really Kira—and Mogi is almost certain by now that he is—then there’s no way he really loves her. As long as Mogi has known Misa, Light has been the sun around which she revolves, but what good does the sun have for the Earth? If he wins—and Mogi tries not to think about that, but if he wins —he’ll surely throw her away in the end. If he loses, he’ll be gone. What will she do without him, after having already lost so much? Mogi can’t bring himself to answer that. 

But as much as he pities Misa, Mogi also can’t forget the thousands of people who have died because of her and her fiance. Ukita Hirokazu, Yagami Soichiro. 

He can imagine her doing it. That’s the thing: He can’t even tell himself that poor, beautiful Misa would never hurt another person. There’s not a doubt in his mind that she would; there’s not a doubt in his mind that she has. He can’t imagine she feels bad for it, either, or ever has. She would probably kill him, too, if it came down to it. 

Is it wrong to forgive an unrepentant murderer just because of her smile, her voice, her eyes, her hair, her hands, her complete isolation from everything left for her in the tragedy she’s made? It is. He knows it is.

Amane gasps. “Okay, I know the one about television is a lie. No way!”

Mogi, dazed, barely has time to confirm her guess before she exclaims, “Really?! You dated a married woman. You?!”

“Not for long,” Mogi insists, embarrassed. “Just for a few days. I broke up with her once I found out.”

“Oh, Mocchi, that’s so scandalous,” Amane laughs. “But it’s kind of romantic, isn’t it? She must’ve really liked you.”

He stares. “Romantic? You mean—cheating?”

“Well, I would never cheat,” she scoffs. After that, though, she smiles, leaning back and resting her cheek in her hand. “She must’ve been a lesser woman, though, and I can see why she’d choose you. You might’ve been my type, if I wasn’t so in love with Light. You’re a really sweet guy, you’re a great cook, and you’ve got a nice body. I’m sure you’ll find someone after the Kira investigation ends!”

“You think so?” Mogi asks, mostly to himself.

“Sure I do,” Amane says, and maybe he’s imagining the sadness in her voice.

“Near,” Commander Rester says, “I don’t think we’re going to learn anything useful from this.”

Near tosses a dart into his circle of Lego figures, sending the Misa toppling to the floor. 

“No,” he sighs, “of course we’re not.”