#idk. man if i had the chance to go back to source. would i? like forreal?

[justabunchofdragons]

:( nobody online

[neverendingford]

.

[qqueenofhades]

I've seen a lot of doom today. Thank you for the bracing positivity!

Look man, idk if I would call it positivity. I'm fucking furious that the media and/or the billionaire class could have chosen at any time, ANY TIME, to carry out this coordinated ratfucking on Trump, and nope, they did it to Biden. Not coincidentally after he openly started espousing even more leftist/progressive tax and wealth policies. I'm also fairly certain that Putin (who is well used to playing the American elections ratfucking game) is involved here somehow, because he desperately wants Biden out and Trump back in. Two plus two, etc.

The elected Democrats who went along with this and/or who contributed to fucking Biden over also have a hell of a lot to answer for, and I hope we, the voters, let them fucking know. The only way this makes sense is if Biden is actively dying of Covid right now and/or if it's bad enough to permanently damage him. In that case, he might have had a modicum of actual say about this, rather than falling victim to the Anonymous Sources who stabbed him in the back every step of the way.

That said: Kamala is a genuinely good candidate. I am excited to have the chance to vote for her. This does turn the whole Referendum on Two Old White Men With Mental Issues narrative on its head. She might be able to reach some constituencies that Biden couldn't. I don't know for sure if all the Democratic/never-Trump GOP votes will translate, but I am so motherfucking tired of fascists thinking this will be a walk in the park. They asked for this, they fucking got it, people are really fucking mad (including me and like, everyone), and if all this maneuvering gets our first female AND Black president, the fascists are going to absolutely fucking lose it and cry for eons. And idk about you, but I want to see some sore loser fuckboys cry cry cry. I want revenge for 2016. I want Trump dead and fucking gone and yknow, Black women have played a huge role in his bad bad times so far. So it's only fair, I suppose, that Kamala gets the chance to finish the motherfucker off. I don't know if it's positivity, but that's what is fueling me right now. So yeah.

[starseungs]

to love you like the snow melts. ksm.

kim seungmin x gn!reader — if seungmin wanted to be loved like a planet being discovered, he wanted to love you like the snow melted during the cusp of spring.

GENRE/S — fluff, maybe kinda emotional (or is that just me), slight college au mentioned in passing, he fell first trope • 1.1k words

WARNING/S — nothing really unless you're not into lovesick pining, story told in seungmin's pov, slightly unedited cz idk

( ✒️ ) happy seungmin day !! i think i dissociated while writing this fic cause man... i barely remember shit 😭 i originally had a plan going into writing this but it just got thrown out the window by my brain apparently (also this fic is inspired by one of the results in this quiz cause i loved the prompt i got so much) this fic is a bit short but i hope yall like it <3

2024 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

Seungmin’s eyes love to rest on you. 

That was an undoubtable fact in his life—one that he, himself, doesn’t even know how it started. Yet, the acknowledgement of this unknown didn’t bother him at all. If anything, it was a source of comfort for him; a way of reminding himself of the joy in living. To Seungmin, one thing was for certain: He was given the gift of sight to experience you in your entire beauty.

He first met you in a university lecture, where you simply happened to frequent the seat just a row behind and two chairs away from where he usually sat. Perhaps he was enamored from the very beginning. It was like his gaze would always find a way back to you whenever you were in his immediate vicinity, reminiscent of a magnet longing to cling to metal.

That was also the way he took in your presence as a whole. Seungmin was a man starved for knowledge, desperately clawing for anything he could get to broaden his desired expertise that was you. He particularly loved the way your eyes drooped whenever the lecture of the day bore you, as well as your tendency to make origami on available paper during the times you could care less to listen. The latter always ended up with you blinking endearingly after a successful craft, glancing around the people near you to figure out who to present it to.

Oh, how he wished he had been over there instead, happily receiving a paper star to keep. However, it was your friends that surrounded you on a daily, barely giving you time to be alone. And maybe you didn’t want to be alone—another thing about you that he’d like to discover the truth to. But he thought that until the day he somehow found himself stumbling into your life, he’d have to be grateful to your friends for making you shine the way you deserved every step of the way.

So, imagine his surprise when he finally got the chance to make a mark in the vast expanse of your world.

The opportunity came in the form of a group project with you; the catalyst in which his whole life began to change. Friendly introductions of obligation quickly turned into incessant strings of conversation, bringing the two of you closer. The sheer pace of the development was overwhelming. Seungmin never thought his presence bore enough weight for gravity to grab him by the neck and lock him in the system of the star that was you. 

It was a trip and a half, consisting of countless miles to lap around with seemingly no end. So much, that he feared falling out of your grace—to be like a passing asteroid who foolishly dreamt of becoming a planet. Seungmin was endlessly yearning to solidify his place in your world, just like he always wanted. And still, despite that all, he didn’t show it. He merely laughed when you laughed, stayed silent when you needed silence, and experienced anger on your behalf when you couldn’t show it for yourself. 

Because Kim Seungmin knew that you needed to be loved patiently.

Even throughout the tightrope of uncertainty he walked months on like his life depended on it, he never once made it seem like he was waiting on a move from you. If Seungmin wanted to be loved like a planet being discovered, he wanted to love you like the snow melted during the cusp of spring. 

Seungmin knew that even with the shows of your cheery demeanor, your heart still remained frosted over from your previous winters. That even when your fingers danced their way to intertwine with his, there was still that moment of hesitation. He was forever thankful that you caught him from falling when he did, refusing to let him disappear into the abyss. Yet, who was lighting up the skies of which you lay under to stare at each day?

He longed to give you a love that was true. One where he showed you how warmth creeped in with small trickles of heat, giving you enough time to decide whether you truly wanted it or not. Love that was considerate in the way that it willingly warned you of its presence, but in a way that cupped your cheeks and sang you lullabies. To love you gently as to not sully your shoes with messy, muddy soil of the ground peeking out from beneath the snow. 

To Seungmin, there was no greater gift than being able to be the sign of your spring.

“Baby?” You called out to him softly, a flash of concern twinkling behind your gaze. “Is anything wrong?”

Seungmin feels like he was just coaxed out of a trance, previously being too occupied studying the details of you at the moment, as if he hadn’t already spent the past hour doing just that. A string of golden celebration banners made its presence known in the corner of his eye, briefly acknowledging the once-a-year greeting printed on them. The slight smell of smoke fully brought him back to his senses, finally glancing down towards the cake with a small lit-up candle you were presenting him.

Right. It was his birthday today.

He chuckles, shaking his head. “No,” he replies truthfully. “Everything is perfect.” Your eyebrows scrunched in confusion, having trouble making sense of the situation. Seungmin has half a mind to think if you would forgive him if he tried to straighten it out with his thumbs as a tease.

“But, you’re not blowing out your candles,” you purse your lips in contemplation. He feels an unstoppable force creeping up to turn the corners of his mouth upwards. Did you even know just how much he loves you?

“I was just enjoying the view, that’s all.”

Your demeanor visibly brightens up. “Is the cake that pretty?” Was your smug question, clearly feeling proud of yourself. “I worked hard on that, you know?” 

Seungmin only smiles. Like he always does whenever it concerns you. That warm boyish grin he had paired with a certain fond look in his eyes that his friends never failed to point out just to fluster him into oblivion. But he lets them anyway. There was no way he could ever deny the truth of how strongly he felt for you.

“I know.” 

Because he always does. 

And as he leaned forward to feel the last heat of the flickering candle before it went out, he couldn’t help but think that the snow had finally melted. His wish had already come true.

“Happy birthday, Seungmin!”

Spring has come.

MASTERTAG ━ STATUS: OPEN — ASK OR COMMENT 🫶

@fairyki @hysgf @euncsace @comet-falls @starlostseungmin @ameliesaysshoo @hyunverse @wnbnny @xocandyy @minluvly @moon0fthenight @estellaluna @hanjsquokka @starlostastronaut @minsueng @l3visbby @myjisung @thecutiepieme @yaniiiiism

[starillusion13]

Am I late?

Pairing: roommate! Mark x f! reader (ft. bff Haechan & Mark's brother Taeyong)

Genre: Fluff, slight angst, mafia

Warning: getting lost in an unknown place, missing your best friend (lol), having fever, confession, confusion of feelings, secrets and heartbroken. idk what warnings should I give when the story has none.

W.C: 7.3k Network: @k-vanity

Basically I was drunk when I wrote this(not really), I just love Mark too much and I was drooling over him most of the time instead of writing the fic. I had totally kept this fic aside to write down the NCT series (tbh I forgot I had this in my draft). the thought for this plot only came to mind after I had saved all the pics from the day of the third picture above so dont judge the fic too hard.

“Yeah, I have reached the place. You can cut the call, Hyuck.”

You smiled into the call and stood in front of the new building, titling your head back to look at the tall view. The buildings towering over you and you swore that was what you really expected when you decided to move to states for your university. But leaving Haechan behind all alone back in your home town was miserable.

“But how am I supposed to know that you are safe out there?” he asked you and coughed a little.

“Hyuck. Are you sick?” your worried tone made him smile and he hugged the pillow tighter. Curling on his bed, he pressed the phone to his ears. The only source which felt like you are still with him. even if you were far away from his embrace, he could still feel your warmth. As if just a second ago, you last hugged him and bid goodbye. it’s been a day when he last saw you in person and don’t know again when he would get the chance.

“just a little. Leave that for now and tell me. Is the place safe for you?”

You were still worried as you were always the one who took care of him and now you were not there, how will that clumsy ass take care of his own?

You sighed into the call, “this place is safe for outsiders and I have a roommate. I can tell him if I feel unsafe about anything. Don’t worry, please. I want you to take care of yourself until I go back there again. I want you to be healthy and fine…for me. Please.”

“For you, I am always fine.” He chuckled and added, “Also, I have to take care of myself as you are not here like always. I will miss you a lot. Better take care and if your roommate disturbs you for anything. Just call me and-“

“and? We are far away, Hyuck. Don’t forget that you can’t come to me anytime you want like before.” You sadly chuckled, pulling your bag towards your block and looking around. Arriving in front of the lift, you were still smiling.

“y/n…you will not forget me, right?” his voice was low and almost sounded like a whisper. He was trying hard to hold back his tears.

You bit your lips, “go to sleep, Hyuck. It’s already late at night.”

“I want to hear your voice more.” He mumbled to himself but still you heard it. You chuckled and pressed the button for the 9th floor.

“Bye. I need to get into the lift and then survive the rest of the day. Please, take medicines and rest. You have to go to work tomorrow.”

He hummed, “Bye……I l-“

You cut the call before getting inside the call. But on the other side of the call, a tear fell from his eyes.

I love you, Y/n.

.

.

.

*Ding*

Stumbling upon the things scattered on the floor, the boy rushed towards the door. He was rubbing his eyes and without looking into the peephole, he swung open the door, revealing you standing at the doorway awkwardly. He frowned at you and looked around to grasp the situation.

Why was a girl standing at his footsteps and even with luggage?

He scratched his neck and smiled, “um…you?”

You were still shocked with the image in front of you. You gulped at the sight and when you caught his sleepy eyes, you looked away. Can’t he understand? You mentally prayed for him to get away from there but a second voice made the man in front of you look back inside the room.

“ Is this your new chick?” he yawned and eyed your bags, obviously checking you out in the way. He smirked and went towards the table, a little visible to you. As far as you were told, you have one roommate then why there’s two of them?

The boy with round eyes and a smiley face in front of you was staring at the boy at the table and then turned towards you, “hello! Do I know you? Do you need some help?”

You blinked a few times and checked the apartment No. and it was the right one. You gulped and before you could speak, the other boy with red hair appeared behind him and slid his arm around the boy at the door, “Mark, put on a shirt. She is obviously flustered.”

The boy named Mark looked down at himself, only in a trouser and blushed. He excused himself quickly to jog towards the bedroom while the other boy suddenly held your chin and made eye contact with yours, “so, what’s your purpose to be here?”

“I…I am going to live here.”

He smirked, “that easily? You think I will allow this?” as soon as he heard noise, he left your chin and stepped back.

You blinked and before you could reply to him, Mark came back and laughed, “Oh…I’m so sorry to keep you waiting outside for this long. Please come inside.” He slapped the other boy’s arm and gestured towards the bags. He pulled a trolley bag and the other one was still held by you. You forced a smile when the other boy smiled towards you and took the one from you.

Mark and him placed all your bags beside the table and sighed, “Taeyong, she is my new roommate. Meet her.”

Taeyong raised a brow at him and turned towards you before nodding, “a girl? Mark, don’t be freaky again like that. You can’t stay with her. I’m not allowing this.”

“No. It’s not like that. We are going to the same university and she is an international student. I was searching for a roommate to kill the boredom and she was searching for an accommodation and well, it's good we found each other.” He smiled towards you at the end of the statement.

Freaky again? Not like that? What does he mean?

Taeyong didn’t know what to say more but just nodded and sighed. He stepped away from the living room and disappeared behind a door. You were staring at the now closed door and didn’t notice the boy who placed a hand on your shoulder. When he noticed you flinching to his touch, he quickly apologized and stepped back, chuckling awkwardly.

“I am the roommate with whom you contacted.” He held his hand forward for a handshake. You stared at it and then at his face when he raised his brows to which you just smiled and shook his hands. “your name? ah…wait..oh shit…”

“y/n.” you said quietly.

“Sorry I am bad at remembering names.”

Taeyong came back into the living room when Mark guided you towards the couch and offered you a glass of water.  He looked at you and then at Mark, “don’t pretend to be like this Mark. You better know that’s not you.” He turned towards you, “the way he is acting towards you, just to let you know he is nothing like that.”

Nothing like that…

“Taeyong, if you don’t want to be late for the meeting then I suppose you should leave.” Mark said a bit annoyedly. The latter chuckled and grabbed an apple from the table and winked towards you before closing the apartment door behind him.

“Who is he?” you were still staring at the door and the same question running across your mind.

Mark scoffed before taking the glass from you and placing it near the sink, “my brother.”

You turned towards him, who was busy searching through a plastic bag on the counter, “is he going to stay here?”

He laughed and shook his head, “no way. I’m not living with him any day. He was just here last night because he fought with his friend and no girl let him inside the house. Just stay away from him and don’t let his actions bother you. I hope he didn’t make you feel weird for anything.”

His words for sure did confuse you.

 Mark’s eyes were round and curious when he asked you about your situation. You slightly shook your head even though you were weirded out about his brother’s earlier actions. Does he come here often? If Haechan hears about this then it's not going to be good as he would definitely find a way to create a scene with these two.

“You can freshen up. I will find a way to bring some breakfast for us.” He pointed towards the closed door, just opposite to the door earlier where he and his brother went inside, “that’s your room. The washroom is just in the corner behind that wall beside.”

 You nodded and got up to walk towards your room, “um…thank you.”

“hey, we are now friends and also roommates. No need to thank me.” he laughed awkwardly and you smiled.

“still I wanted to say this.”

.

.

.

The sunlight from the window kissing your face tenderly. Worn out, you sighed and covered your face, blocking the sunlight that shined on your weary eyes. Groaning, you turned off the phone and leaned back into the chair. You heard some shuffle sounds from behind but knowing who the person is, a smile crept on your face.

He is back home.

Don’t think otherwise, you just love to spend time with him a lot and it’s really boring to be alone at home and him staying out for too long.

You got up from the chair in the balcony and walked inside the doors. You couldn’t see his face because his back was towards you and he was in a racer jacket and a flower bouquet beside him.

Does he have a girlfriend?

The closer you got, the more things you noticed on the counter top. A bouquet, a greetings card and a gift box. Someone gave it to him or he is going to give it to someone? Curiously, you walked in and leaned on the wall to get a closer look. Just to stare at him. It's been one month that you are living with him under the same roof. Strangers to friends. That’s how your relationship developed between you two. That’s really a great development in just a month.

He was yet to notice you standing just a few feet away and staring at him. He was totally immersed into the phone, might be texting his girlfriend or some issues might be up with him. your eyes followed his side profile. His pretty nose bridge with thin cute lips with curved brows and black hair disheveled and his each twitch of the nose making his veins prominent on the crane of the neck, disappearing behind his jacket’s collar. His racer gloved palms scratched the jawline and you were somehow getting attracted to him.

His eyes are so pure.

Oh..wait…he is looking at you.

“y/n?” he smiled , running his fingers through his hair.

You licked your lips, “are you going somewhere?” you didn’t dare to look at him again, ignoring his obvious gaze on you, you stepped towards the refrigerator to take a bottle of water. You could hear him chuckle but then he placed his phone aside. You were mentally cursing yourself for him to catch you checking him out.

“yeah. Later in the evening. Not now. Do you need something?”

You drank a little and shook your head, answering politely, “no. just curious.”

He stood up, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair, “I know I just came back but there’s something that came up. I hope you don’t mind me staying out for too long.”

Why is he asking you? It doesn’t like that you would be bothered by it and you have a say in this. He is just your roommate and he can do anything so there’s no reason for him to ask your opinion but it’s a good gesture from him.

“It's okay.” You eyed the things on the counter, he noticed your curiosity, “ I hope your date goes well.”

Confused, he creased his brows, “date?” then something clicked his mind when you gestured towards the things, he laughed again. He laughs a lot. “That's not mine. My brother told me to buy these things. Soon he would be coming to take these things and don’t know which girl he is going to give fake promises to.”

He said the words so nonchalantly. Do they not care about others' feelings? You felt sorry for that unknown girl. In this one month, you already got a grasp of his brother’s behavior and you simply hate him. but hearing Mark and his brother’s slight indication of his different personality makes you lost in thought. Is Mark also like him?

You gave him a muddled smile and drank the water again. But before you could place the bottle down, he grabbed it from your hand and started drinking from it. You gulped when you noticed how his Adam's apple poked attractively and few water droplets sliding down his smooth skin of the throat. What the hell are you thinking?

You shook off your thoughts, exited the kitchen and continued to grab your things from the chair in the balcony. You could feel him trailing behind you, close enough to know his presence. You casted a glance at him long enough to admire his handsome features standing in a black tee with black pants with zippers designed all over.

“y/n-“

“ I will be in my room for a while. You…you can speak to me later.” You hurriedly walked inside your room, closing your door, you decided to lie back in bed and blankly stared at the ceiling. You dialed a very familiar number which is always on the top and pressed the phone to your ears. Not after a full three rings, someone eagerly picked up your call.

“Hey! Did you just ditch me for the past weeks? Is your roommate so special to you now?”

You chuckled, “Hyuck…stop being dramatic. It’s not like that. I was busy with my university in this new place and he is helping me out a lot.”

“as he should. And…how are you, y/n?” he asked you in a low voice.

You sighed, “Haechan…” he hummed on the other side. He was breathing heavily hearing his name from your mouth, even though it's through the device yet he was having a warm feeling in his heart. You called him by his name, not just the nickname. But he also knew, that means you were thinking about something.

“what is it, y/n?”

“What's falling in love, Haechan?”

“Are you asking me? Are you in love?” coz I am with you…

You rolled your eyes, “just tell me, please.”

He hesitated and why would he not because it’s like you asked him to describe his feelings and situation with you. He gulped and looked over at the picture of you two in a frame hanging on his wall, “love is complicated.”

“how?”

“falling in love with someone is very easy. Too easy, just like falling on a slippery floor. Even if you try to grab for support yet you will fall. But the realization and the acceptance is the complicated part. You don't realize how and why you have fallen but somehow you love the feeling of love. You will feel lost and confused but at the same time there will be fear. A fear of losing the person or how to let the person know about it.” He sighed.

“and?”

“Even if you wanted to say your feelings to the person, to let the person a part of your dreamy thoughts yet you would step back in the fear of rejection. Sometimes a person falls in love already knowing that they won’t get a happy ending and it’s forbidden but still they do. They do fall in love. Sometimes you love to see that person happy so if it means you want to have them then also just let them go…just to let them be happy.”

“But what about the person who is falling in love?” you blinked, waiting for his response but he was silent. You called his name a few times but there were just some faint sounds and before you could call out his name again, he whispered your name.

“y/n… don’t hesitate to confess when there’s still time so you don’t have to regret later.”

“Do you have regrets?”

“No.”

Yes. but he still has time.

“You sound like you have fallen in love, hyuck.” Yes. It’s because I have. I am in love.

“y/n…I-“

You told him to pause a second when your conversation got interrupted by a few knocks on the door, “yeah?”

“It's me. Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure.” You answered him and said in the call, “Mark is here. I will talk to you later.”

You cut the call quickly and tossed the phone to your side. Mark entered inside your room and looked around, “this room looks so neat and heavenly.”

You smiled, “thank you. I’m not like you who can’t keep his room tidy even for a whole minute.”

He protested quickly, “hey!” but quickly joined your laughing. He was again wearing the biker jacket and now holding the helmet in his arm and a blue bouquet in another hand.

“Are you here in my room for a reason?”

He nodded, “I’m leaving now and won’t be home until night. I will order some food for you and don’t worry, if anyone rings the bell then don’t open the door. Just call me quickly.” He looked at you seriously and when you just nodded, he raised a brow, “answer me, y/n. let me know that you heard me clearly.”

Did he just talk with you in a demanding way? Did he just ask for an answer? Are you hearing right? You stared at him and noticed him walking closer to you. You took a step back and then paused. No, what is he doing? You can just shout right now. Your back of the knee hit the bed but you stood strong, but your legs were weak under his intense gaze, he held your chin and fingers gazing over your cheeks. His leather gloves brushed against your skin when he made you look up, “please be safe for me.”

That’s how he left you dumbfounded after giving you a smile and walking out of the door.

People should also take permission before leaving the room just like when entering it. You kept staring at the space from where he just left.

What are you thinking, y/n? It's nothing. Haechan also says the same thing every time.

.

.

.

“where are you?”

You were scared and the way the person on call was near to yelling was making it worse. You scanned the surroundings and obviously no one was familiar in sight and your heart beat picking up with every little sound. It’s a cat or maybe a different animal. Yeah nothing more. Ghost? Far better than those creepy people. You were convincing yourself with these thoughts and now you were lost.

Earlier you were on a call with Hyuck when you parted ways with your university friends. It’s late in the evening as your five friends thought that it would be nice to spend some time after the exams got over and so you decided to go for a pub time. Everything was cool until one got a call from her boyfriend and two boys leaving for a club with their other friends, leaving you with Sera. She urged you to bring you to your place but you waved it off and bid goodbye.

You didn’t notice that there was a lack of transportation and you were all alone, few people staring at you. You scolded yourself for not taking someone’s help and so to avoid the fear of being alone, you dialed Hyuck’s number and started walking.

“Are you okay?”

The moment he heard your voice, he panicked. He didn’t know what to do but he swore he was going mad and worried for you. You typed the location in your GPS tracking but it’s not working. How could you be so irresponsible to not notice that you walked to an unknown neighborhood and then you were lost. But while being on the call and it was almost thirty minutes of being homeless, you got calls from Mark.

Why is he calling you? Maybe he needs something on the way back home?

And the moment you picked up the call, you were greeted with a groan and ‘where are you?’

“mark…”

“Tell me the address.” He demanded the full address where you went with your friends but still he couldn’t brush off the feelings of uneasiness. Why was he feeling like that? Oh. The address seems familiar. Wait, he knows this place. you are at a risky place. If only he would have known, he could have warned you. “listen to me. if there’s a place to hide nearby, hide there. I’ll be there soon and won't talk to anyone.”

“Mark…please come soon. I’m scared.” You clutched your bag tightly towards you and sweat visibly lining on your forehead.

He nodded, “I’m coming. Wait for me.”

And he did. He kept his promise.

At first you didn’t recognize the person on the bike. He was wearing a helmet. You were hiding behind a wooden fence. Yeah, not a good place to hide but still you didn’t have any other option so it was better to stay quiet and hide in the shadows. You thought the biker to be some kind of creepy dude but when your gaze fell on the familiar biker jacket he was wearing and then he called out your name.

“y/n! y/n…are you here?”

He got off the bike and took off his helmet to look around. There was no sight of you and you quickly ran towards him, back-hugging him and pressing your face to his back. “Mark.”

He looked down to the arms wrapped around him and caressed it when he found the grip tightened around his torso. He firmly held your hand and loosen your hold to turn around and engulf you in a hug. “it’s okay, y/n. I’m here.” Stroking your back and head, he ensured your safety.

Upon realizing the situation you were in, you parted yourself and tugged your hair back, “I’m sorry, I made you worried. I was reckless not to notice and got myself into danger.” He licked his lips and patted your head, noticing a slight hesitation in you. Is he crossing his border? Are you uncomfortable with him?

“don’t say sorry. Let’s go home. It’s not safe here.”

You were still looking down and nodded. He went towards the bike, holding your hand in his grip.

“get on quickly.” He said and put on the helmet again. You haven’t seen him ride a bike ever in these six months, you have only come across him while parking it in the parking area of the university or the apartment.

“Is it safe?” you asked quietly.

He laughed, the sound was muffled by his helmet. He swiped the face shield up and craned his neck to look at you, your scared pupils reflecting the street light staring back at him. He flicked the retention and put off the helmet just to get it on your head. You let out a surprise sound, “what are you doing?”

“making sure that you are safe.” He tightened the retention strap and smiled at you.

“What about you?” you raised your hand to undo the strap but he held your hand, “I don’t need. Your safety is more important.” Before you could speak anything more, he swiped down the face shield, shuttin you up and smirked.

He was still staring at you, there were some unspoken words behind those eyes. Some feelings which he himself wasn’t even sure about. He wanted to understand them and he was desperate to realize the meaning of them. The silence between you two broke because of the ring from your phone. You both glanced at the screen ‘Hyuck’.

The question hit Mark- Is he late? Or he never had any chance from the start?

“Who is he?”

Your gaze returned to his face, “my best friend.”

Best Friend…still a step ahead. Because he is just a friend or maybe even not.

“call him after we reach home. Now get on the bike.”

You knew Haechan was probably worried and that’s why he was calling to know your condition but also, you had to go home and you don’t want to speak on a call while riding a bike. You waited for the call to end and mount over the bike behind him. you didn’t know where to hold…his shoulders…his biceps…his torso-

“Is it your first time?” he asked you, meeting your gaze through the rear mirror. You shook your head, “no. I have been with Hyuck on bikes a lot.”

Look. He has already given her bike rides. Not one. But a lot.

Mark, you are late.

He gripped your wrists tightly wrapped around his torso, as if securing the tight knot. He felt your head resting against his back and a little smile appeared on his lips. You are comfortable with him and

“Thanks for coming, Mark.”

And you are thankful.

.

.

.

It’s been almost a year staying with him and your finals are nearing.

Something really changed the relationship between you two after that day.

Mark became a bit too flirty and of course, you didn’t complain. You were enjoying his company and well, a warm blanket of feelings was surrounding you these days.

Well, now whenever you are going out anywhere other than the university class timings. Sometimes if it’s too far or in the evening, he would convince you to give you a ride to the place and would call you when it’s time to return.

The thought of staying with a boy was a bit icky with you.

You had different imaginations regarding staying together. But to the positive point, you both were compatible with each other. Even sometimes more than you both wanted. He treats you in a way as if he knows you for too long. His friendliness really makes you wonder why Taeyong said not to trust his brother’s attitude. You haven’t found anything unusual yet.

Groaning you woke up from your sleep, your head was paining and your body felt so weak. You felt your body heating up for some reason and your eyes felt heavy. Your hands wandered to the bedside nightstand but your bottle was missing. Oh, you have mistakenly left it on the kitchen counter. You were so tired after returning home that you didn’t care to eat or clean your room and chose to somehow freshen up and go to sleep.

But the sleep didn’t last too long and now you are feeling sick. Managing to stand on your feet and walk towards the door, supporting yourself to nearby things in your grasp. Occasionally you were rubbing your forehead and stepped out of the room. The night lamps on the ceilings were on because there were times you both tripped over a few things at night so it was better to keep them on so that the dim lights could atleast help you.

The bottle was half filled and when you picked it up, you felt the world spinning around you. Taking a seat on the stools, you quickly drank the water and sighed in the end. You glanced at the door --- Mark is sleeping there. You should not make noise to disturb him. you placed the bottle back on the marbled top and extended your hands above the place and rested your head on top of them. You were repeating to yourself to have medicines but didn’t have the energy to do so. You closed your eyes, feeling the cold sensation of the marbles against your warm skin. you could hear the front door open and close but you shrugged it off with the thought that you might be imagining things or hearing things.

If there's a risk of someone attacking, you felt like dying from this fever before that.

A cold hand touched your forehead and brushed your hairs away from your face, “you are having fever, y/n.”

I know.

You nodded and hid your face into your arms. Not actually hearing what the person is saying to you. Was the person talking to you or might be with someone else or might be on a call-

“can you hear me, y/n?” oh, he is talking to you.

You hummed.

He lifted you up from the stool and held you in his arms, caressing your head and rested it on his chest. You managed to open your eyes to look at the person, unconsciously you smiled at the very familiar eyes to which the person returned the same gesture, “Mark…”

“yes. It’s me. don’t speak if you don’t want to.”

“but-“

“shh..let’s get to your room.”

You didn’t say a word just rubbing your forehead and he did notice it. He got you inside the room, putting you on the bed and sitting beside your head, to massage your forehead. He asked you about your medicine box and he was quick enough to bring a thermometer and medicine for fever. You quickly had it and closed your eyes when your head hit the mattress.

“where were you?” you asked him while still closing your eyes.

He was staring at you and caressed your head, “just somewhere.”

“Are you hiding something from me?”

He gulped, not knowing how to reply to you but somehow few words escaped his mouth, “No. it’s nothing. You don’t have to know about it. Go to sleep.” He held his palm over your eyes.

“Did you go to meet someone?” you held his wrist and looked at him. “I am just curious.”

“look…it’s nothing like that.”

“Why are you hesitating to tell me? I won’t get mad or query for an explanation. You can do anything, just I wanted to know if you are okay or in trouble.” You said slowly.

He shook his head and brushed back his hairs in frustration and held your cheek, “but I want you to get mad at me if I go to meet someone. I want you to feel jealous and ask me questions when you doubt me. I want you to wait for me and call me when you are in danger. I want to feel that my world is you. I love you, y/n.”

The sudden confession really worked as a miracle to your headache as it suddenly disappeared and then your shocked eyes met his desperate gaze. A gaze that’s saying you more words than his mouth did. You weakly held his hand, feeling his touch against your skin.

“Mark. Are you okay?”

He inhaled sharply before shaking his head and stroked your head before standing up.

“where are you going?”

“go to sleep, y/n. just forget what I said.” His quick steps led him to the door and before he could step out, he paused and turned around to find you were still looking at him, “Good-night.” Then he closed the door behind him.

If he really cared for your fever then he shouldn’t have said those things. Did you hear him right? You are not dreaming right? He said he loves you. And you?

‘don’t wait longer.’

‘don’t hesitate to confess…when there’s still a chance.’

Hyuck’s words were flooding your brain but before you could dwell on the thought more, your droopy eyes closed in slumber and the night fell low.

.

.

.

“Mark…wait.”

He flinched hearing your sudden voice from his back. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt with a red wide border running across over his chest horizontally.

“yeah?”

“Are you leaving again?” you glanced at the clock, “so late at night.”

“Why are you still awake? Go back to sleep. You have university classes tomorrow.” He gestured towards your room and you shook your head. Approaching him, you stared deep into his eyes.

“Please tell me. Are you okay? We haven’t talked properly after that night and I have so much to ask you but here you are ignoring me and running away. We should talk. You and me.”

He licked his lips and raised a brow, “do you want to come with me?”

“where?”

“somewhere. The place I go to every night.” He waited for your reply. He noticed your eyes, contemplating the choice but suddenly you blurted out.

“take me there with you.”

And he did.

Fresh cold air hitting your face and your hair flowing with the wind. A bright smile illuminating your face and you were hugging him tightly. Whenever he tried to slow down, you shouted to turn up the speed and he likely did listen to you. He was smiling, watching you through the rear view. Neither of you were wearing a helmet, well that’s not a good idea but both of you debated against each other who should wear and ended up leaving the helmet behind. The only thing you said before getting on the bike was, “I feel safe with you.”

“and we will be safe when we are together.” Everytime he ensured your safety.

Reaching the place, you were confused yet you got off the bike and looked around. There was a car parked in the distance and two men were leaning against it. Mark parked the bike to the side of the bridge and patted your head, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

You grabbed his forearm, “where are you going?”

“I’ll have a talk with them and return back. I promise. Wait for me.”

He walked towards the car and you squinted your eyes to get a better look. Mark greeted them with a hug and the shorter one hit his head jokingly and then you could hear laughs. The shorter one turned towards you and then you noticed that’s Taeyong, who waved at you but his smirk was not fully visible and the other one beside him still laughing was Jaehyun. You have seen him with Mark in a few pictures. What are they doing here?

The car drove in the other direction and Mark approached you.

“why are we here?”

He leaned forward to the cemented railing beside you and rested his elbows, clasping the palms together, “this place is special to me.”

“why?”

“coz I realized so many things.” He mumbled.

You mimicked his posture and stared at the sky, “and they are?”

“Do you know I’m not a regular citizen? You noticed my brother and Jaehyun earlier, we had a schedule today for a deal but I told him that I don’t want to get involved today.” He turned his head towards you, “I work as a spy and the fighter for the mafia gang which is led by my brother. I’m a messed up individual and this place is where it all started and ended.”

“you…you are a mafia member?”

He nodded, not knowing what to say more but still he wanted to clear his thoughts today. He will say everything to you. You wanted to talk and he will talk and will say everything to you as he can’t bottle up his feelings and emotions anymore.

Your phone vibrated again. It was vibrating for the last few minutes but you ignored it because something about Mark was hypnotizing and before you could look at the screen. Mark took away the phone and typed into something, you didn;t even protested against it. Are you so desperate for him?

He put the phone into his jeans pocket and returned his gaze to you.

“I never wanted to be a part of this but you know blood speaks faster than mind. My blood was to paint this shit in my life and somehow this intrigued me to dive deeper into this world. I started to love being in this world. It seemed I had everything but I was wrong. Even if I could get everything, I couldn’t get her.”

“who?” you were also surprised with your quick question.

“Sana.” he paused and then chuckled, “I loved her. I didn’t know what love was but she made me feel emotions which I had never felt before. She was always like a rainbow of hope and love but…it was all fake. She left me when she realized my secret. Can’t she accept me like this? That was the only thought left. I lost her and also a part of myself but…” he averted his eyes away. You could feel his body tensing up when you placed your hand above his. “but even if I’m like this, I'm a bad person. I want love too.”

“So you confessed to me to forget her?”

He shook his head before turning towards you, “I confessed to you because I felt safe with you. I felt I could vent to you after she left me hopeless in this place. But I don’t know if I’m able to protect you when I myself is the danger.”

You cupped his face, his fingers circling your wrist. He was leaning against your affectionate touch, “Mark. I feel safe with you too. I didn’t know about love and so I asked Hyuck about it and then I realized something that you don’t know how and when you will love someone but if you do it is because that’s the time you need it and the person would save you from the void.”

“don’t pity me. I just wanted to say this because you wanted to talk to me. you were curious where I went every night and returned home late. You were doubting me whenever I left university in a hurry. I don’t know but I just couldn’t see you in confusion and to feel that I am hiding something from you.”

You shook your head, “I am trying to embrace you. if you embrace the danger then it can’t hurt you.”

“don’t leave me like her.”

"Mark...it wasn't her fault either. She was obviously scared of the secret. You can see, I am taking this situation very logically but she was not ready to accept it. Maybe you both were not destined and it was better for her to leave, preventing some further complications."

"And are we destined?"

You were at a loss of words. Destined? It was easy to give lectures to others but when it came to you, you were hit with the same emotions as him.

"I don't know..." you trailed off.

He scoffed, "are you going to leave me too? Now you know me...the real me." He chuckled and stepped back, "wait...what am I even saying? We are not even friends. Hyuck is your best friend and if you have to choose someone then you would definitely choose him. You asked him about love and here I am trying to get what is already someone else’s.”

“No.'' You raised your voice and maintained eye contact with him. you stepped front to stand near him. “I am not his, Mark. Don’t think of this as if I’m trying to convince you but he is my best friend and he is special to me because I got him when I needed someone and he stayed with me. He proved to me every time that he is someone to me whom nobody can ever replace but you are a person who made me feel needed even when I had everything.”

“What am I to you?”

“what do you want to be?” you asked confidently.

“your home where you will be safe and where I feel safe with you.” His palm rested on your cheek and you closed your eyes and inhaled.

He tugged a strand of hairs behind your ear, scanning your every little twitch of your facial expression. You are really his dream girl and his safe place. Even if this cruel and harsh world is incomparable to your innocence, he always makes sure to keep you safe with him. He never realized that he could love someone after Sana but something in you pulled him and can’t help but he fell in love with you.

Is it love?

“What's love?”

“Are you asking me?” hearing his question, you parted your eyelids and nodded.

You smiled and held his wrist with both of your hands, “you said I asked about it to Hyuck then you tell me. Now, I’m asking you.”

“To me…Love is you. But I can’t explain. I want to show you. To show how different you make me see things and feel them.”

You chuckled, “you suck at explaining.”

“The possibility to show my explanation in action is gonna be better for you.” He laughed and his fingers caressed your face.

“mark…”you whispered his name, making him nod and urging you to speak more. “I love you.”

“I love you too, y/n. Just trust me.”

“I will. Always.”

He licked his lips before asking slowly, “Can I be your boyfriend?”

As soon as you nodded, he engulfed you in a hug and kissed your head, smiling and nuzzling his nose into your hair. His one hand holding the back of your head and the other caressing your back. Your arms wrapped around his body tightly and pressing your head against his chest.

The thing you didn’t notice was that a boy was standing in the distance behind you, watching you two for a while. His tight fist and clenched jaw, anger bubbling inside him and hot tears running down his cheeks, as if he wanted revenge for something or maybe he wanted something which was slipping from his hand.

Mark caught the gaze of the boy who was glaring at him and as the boy was about to take a step ahead towards both of you, Mark asked you without breaking eye contact with the boy, “Am I late, y/n?”

“No.”

The boy halted in his steps, a tear fell from his eyes. 

A Tear of losing.

Mark smirked and kissed your head, hovering his lips a little longer. When he felt you pulling back, he averted his eyes from him to you and smiled affectionately.

The sweetest smile you have seen.

“Let's go home.”

He nodded and kissed your forehead. He intertwined his fingers with yours and turned around to walk towards the bike. You asked for your phone from the pocket and convinced Mark to click a picture of your hands holding each other but somehow the phone fell from your grasp. You bent down to pick it up and glanced towards the other way and could see a boy walking away in the darkness of the lonely road.

The familiar back. The way he was walking and your favorite flower in his hand. A certain person came across your mind and you felt a tug in your heart. Is that him?

“Haechan…” you whispered to yourself.

Tears were helplessly running down his cheeks while walking away and he clutched the flower tightly, “I am late, y/n.”

“I couldn’t save you from the danger you stepped in.”

[Anyways he is MY MAN 🎀] both Hyuck and Mark😉

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated. Spread love not hate.

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @meowmeeps @vtyb23 @haechansbbg @corneliarstreet

[open!]

[melanieph321]

Hi there,

I'm a long time reader here and i really like all of your fics. I don't know if you're taking requests or not but if you do, could you perhaps make a fic based on this :

https://www.tumblr.com/youandiwerealive/748931841255522304/httpswwwtumblrcomyouandiwerealive74892968529?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/youandiwerealive/748933629341761536/flight-attendant-ruben-ok-but-how-about?source=share

Idk why but these brainrots really intrigued me and i think you have the capabilities to turn them into a fic

I understand if you don't take request. Anyway, have a good day ❤

I AM SCREAMING!!!!

Like no. I saw @youandiwerealive and anon, whom assume is you, talk about this. And I found it so hilarious and relatable. Ruben as a flight attendant 🤣🤣

Of course I will write this request. Even better. Imma make it a 3 parts series 🤪!

Ruben Dias x Reader - Flight Hours Part 1/3

Part 2 Part 3

Ruben and Reader are flight attendants on their way to Portugal. Although they are off to a bad start, the two end up finding common ground.

Enjoy!

Back to back flights were such a nightmare. But when you as a flight attendant complained to your bosses about it, they would hit you with the usual "It's holiday season, it will blow over" bull crap.

You made sure to arrive at your gate early. Earlier than the rest of your cabin crew members. It was a fancy plane this one, where passengers in first class could take a shower if they wished to. Since you weren't given a chance to do so this morning flying from Frankfurt to Dubai, taking a shower is exactly what you were going to do now. It wasn't exactly protocol of you to use the passengers' accommodation, though, especially not the first class ones. But since the airline had such high demand on personal hygiene and frankly a quite misogynistic beauty standard amongst it's employee. You saw it fitting for you to at least clean yourself ahead of your flight.

"Excuse me, is somebody in there?"

"No, wait!"

However, just as you were rinsing out your hair, someone unlocked the doors, exposing you mid shower.

"Puta." The man said, or more so gasp. His eyes shamelessly traveled down your naked body, eyeing you like some kind of prey.

"Shut the fucking door!" You shouted, however the man remained in the doorway, causing a draft. He was another flight attendant, you were sure of it. You could tell just by the way that this sort of situation failed to startle him.

"You must be Frankfurt?"

"Pardon?" Your hands left your hair, a sudden urge to cover yourself. However, the man had already seen it all.

"You came in this morning, no? From Frankfurt Airport?"

"Right."

"I'm Ruben Dias, I'll be flying with you from Dubai to Lisbon."

The man was such a dickhead, having audacity to offer you to shake his hand, with a large grin on his face. Mind you that you stood before him in a shower, butt-naked.

"I'm Y/N." You shook his hand just to end the conversation and for him to go away.

"Nice to meet you, Frankfurt. And what a lovely tattoo."

"You fucking...."

Ruben shut the door in your face, his laughter trailing down all the way to the cockpit where he probably ran to tell the captains about your encounter. Your hand went to the butterfly tattoo on your hip, awfully close to your....you know what. If Ruben had spotted it, he would have also seen your newly waxed kitty cat on full display.

"What a fucking nightmare of a flight this is gonna be."

Based on how it started you expected the worse, however, things turned out pretty quiet on your side. Luckily for you the two male flight attendants were assigned to first class, while you and another female flight attendant stayed back in economy. It was the first time sexism worked in your favor. However, you ran into Ruben every now and then when the two of you were either on a break or topping up your snack and beverage carts.

"Frankfurt? What a pleasure meeting you here."

You rolled your eyes,  having heard Ruben coming from a mile away. He always seemed to leave first class with a trail of giggling women. It wasn't uncommon for flight attendants to be charming, but to flirt with passengers was simply unprofessional.

"My name is Y/N, not Frankfurt."

"It doesn't matter up here." Ruben said, reaching for something in the cabin above your head. The smell of him invaded your nostrils without consent, the worst part being that he smelled amazing.

"What do you mean?" You asked.

Ruben had gone to grab himself a can of coke and two plastic cups. Your name doesn't matter up here in the sky." He explained. "It's no mans' land. Up here, we only care about where you came from and where you're going. Up here, you're Frankfurt, and I'm Portugal."

"Well, that's stupid." You muttered.

Ruben chuckled and poured the can of coke into the plastic cups. "Here." He said, offering you one.

You only accepted because you were thristy, not because of the way Ruben was staring at you as your hands touched when he handed you the cup. Nor because of the way that the soft lights hit his face as he leaned back against the wall, regarding you even more seductively.

"So..." He sighed, after finishing his cup of coke, waiting for you to do the same.

"So." You smiled, perhaps your first time doing so, at least in front of Ruben.

"Are you member of the Mile High Club?"

You should have known that only something stupid would come out of that pretty little mouth of his.

"Wait, wait. I'm just kidding." Ruben said, grabbing your wrist as you turned your back on him. "Jesus Frankfurt, is it that hard for you take a joke?"

"For your information, nothing of what you say is funny to me. And to answer your question, no, I've never fucked in a airplane bathroom. As a flight attendant yourself you should know how disgusting and unhygienic that would be."

Ruben regarded you with interest, shrugging his shoulders. "It doesn't have to be in a bathroom, could also be in a shower."

"Fuck you."

The last thing you saw was Ruben's large grin. You left him on your way back to economy, where you planned to spend the rest of your flight, avoiding Ruben at all cost. It was incredible, though, how handsome he was. How the stewards uniform suited him as if it was tailor-made. It outlined his braud shoulders and swollen biceps. If it wasn't for his big mouth, you wouldn't hesitate to go for a man like him. And, no, it wasn't unusual for flight stewards to have affairs with each other, certainly not when the airline was paying for your hotel rooms. However, once you landed in Lisbon, all you wanted to do in your hotel room was to sleep.

Part 2 Part 3

[thewhumpcaretaker]

⚜ 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝓞𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓜𝓮 ⚜

A/B/O One-Shot | Omega Vincent x Alpha John | Image Source

Summary: John is at a party in France on assignment and meets Vincent by chance. He realizes Vincent is hiding his omega status...and he's on the verge of death from an uncontrollable heat.

Mechanics of Heat in this AU: An omega can ride out a heat without doing anything as long as they’re taking blockers. This is normally a safe (if uncomfortable) option. BUT, if the blockers don’t work and it becomes too severe, it can be fatal. If it’s getting dangerous, the omega will experience hyperthermia followed by stroke. This can only be handled by either going to a hospital or…you know.

CW: omegaverse smut, unprotected sex, fever symptoms, crying during sex (from joy), and idk how to TW this exactly but Vincent has a very poor understanding of consent and doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants directly. John is careful with him anyway.

It wasn’t the worst kind of job. The worst kind of job was a job where you loved the target, and John didn’t even know the target. It was just some French woman who had double crossed Viggo. No, this was the second worst kind of job: the kind where John had to see High Table emissaries directly.

Of course, if all went well, they’d never see him. And so far, it was going well. The target was attending a victory celebration hosted in some historical estate. John had slipped in through a back entrance unseen, made his way upstairs like the shadow of death, and silently strangled her while she was refreshing her makeup. He dragged the body into a disused guest bedroom where it wouldn’t be found for hours. Not a word fell from his lips in all that time.

But still, it made him uneasy, to look down from the shadows over the banister and see the guests milling around below him, to the faint sounds of a live quartet and the scents of rich foods. That they could look so human after ordering the sort of acts that he himself had just committed…it was confusing.

Having had quite enough of that glance, he slipped out the doors to an upper balcony, prepared to scale the wall down to the gardens and make a tidy exit. It was normally locked, and sure to be deserted. One of Viggo’s associates had obtained a key for him in advance.

But it was not deserted. Someone was there.

He was clearly one of the guests and probably an important, well-to-do one at that. He wore a long, ruffled tailcoat that glittered under the waxing moon and the dim, golden lamplights flanking the door. And he was very, very sick. John knew immediately. Even if he hadn’t been leaning against the railing with his head in his hands, his scent would have given it away immediately. Something powerfully sweet, definitely the sweetest he had ever smelled. Sweeter than the gourmet pastries wafting up from downstairs, mixed with something tart. It was dulled, yes, but the fact that it was dulled and yet still coming through told him that it was strong enough to break through blockers. A severe heat.

He held his breath, trying not to inhale, but he could already feel it clawing its way inside him, going straight to the brain. This was the last thing he needed to encounter. A distraction, at the final, critical moment. He should excuse himself, before the alarm could be raised. Try to exit a different way – maybe one of the windows. But the man’s head had already turned to him sharply, revealing brilliant, honeyed green pools that shone glassy above soaring cheekbones. John met them and felt his own pupils swell. Shit.

“Que peux-tu vouloir? [What can you possibly want?]” the stranger demanded, with enough venom in his voice to break John out of the reverie for half a second.

I was just trying to get some air. I apologize. I’ll go back inside. Anything, say anything… But John seemed incapable of any response except an inappropriate level of compassion. Sweat had plastered the man’s carefully slicked hair against his forehead and set his flushed cheeks shining. It was all he could do not to step towards him. Instead, he found himself asking stupidly, “Êtes-vous d'accord? [Are you okay?]”

The man blinked at him. “Avez-vous une idée de à qui vous parlez? [Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?]”

“Non,” he said simply. His eyes fell on the man’s ring…shimmering gold on white. The insignia of the High Table. Cold dread flooded over him, but the heat washed it away just as quickly.

“Je suis le Marquis Vincent de Gramont. [I am the Marquis Vincent de Gramont.]” John could tell that this was supposed to have an effect on him, so he inclined his head deeply. It must not have been convincing, because the Marquis looked even more annoyed and changed the subject. “Je pourrais vous demander ce que vous faites en vous promenant à l’extérieur de la salle de bal. Qui es-tu? [I might ask what you’re doing wandering outside the ballroom. Who are you?]”

I’m no one. Just getting some air. Just getting some air. Just getting – “John.” Damn it.

Those honeyed eyes narrowed in understanding. And wariness. “Vous n’êtes pas censé être ici, n’est-ce pas ? Bien. Sont-ils déjà morts? Ou est-ce… moi? [You’re not supposed to be here, are you? Well. Are they dead already? Or is it…me?]” The man’s hand moved very slightly, no doubt twitching towards a concealed weapon. But John wasn’t worried. This person’s reflexes were obviously too deadened to pose a threat.

“Mort. [Dead.]”

“Hmmm.” Casual, feigning disinterest. Why isn’t he calling the guards, John wondered from somewhere deep in the haze of pheromones. After a moment, he noticed that the nobleman’s hand was still gripping the railing, knuckles white. John realized that he couldn’t stand unsupported.

“Tu ne vas pas bien. Vous êtes en chaleur. Et c'est mauvais. [You’re not okay. You’re in heat. And it’s bad.]”

Those honeyed eyes flashed narrow. With grave dignity, “Comment oses-tu. Je suis un alpha. [How dare you. I am an alpha.]”

John nearly laughed. He stifled it but the man caught it anyway and glared.

“Je suis désolé. C'est juste que… tu ne peux pas prétendre ça. Sois prudent. Si vous retournez à l’intérieur… ils le sauront. [I’m sorry. It’s just…you’re beyond pretending that. Be careful. If you go back inside…they’ll know.]”

Fear passed over his features before hardening into anger. “Vas-y et menace-moi encore. Je pourrais utiliser le soulagement du stress aujourd'hui. [Go ahead and threaten me again. I could use the stress relief today.]”

“Ce n’est pas une menace. Je ne le dirai pas. [It’s not a threat. I won’t tell.]”

“Comme c'est généreux. Non, vous ne le ferez pas, je peux vous l'assurer. J'espère que vous avez apprécié votre petite intrusion car personne ne vit pour raconter ce que vous avez vu. [How generous. No, you won’t, I can assure you. I hope you enjoyed your little intrusion because no one lives to tell about what you’ve seen.]” With that, he whipped a knife out of a concealed pocket and lunged forward. It was an energetic movement, but uncoordinated and easy to sidestep. In this weakened state, Vincent’s muscles were practically nonfunctional. John caught his wrist on the way down and plucked the knife out of it easily with the other hand, leaving the Marquis twisted up beneath him and emitting a heart wrenching, inadvertent whine. Every touch must be painful with a mixture of desire and soreness right now.

And it was painful for John too. That skin, even softer than expected and dangerously hot, the closeness of that fragrant neck pouring something like strawberry from under the collar… John released his arm, allowing him to roll over onto his back, too weak to get back up. The urge to cradle him was so overwhelming that John stumbled back against the railing, their positions reversed. He faced the gardens and inhaled deeply, trying to clean Vincent out of his lungs and failing.

When he had collected himself, he pocketed the knife and surveyed the human puddle on the floor that had just tried to stab him. He’d opened his arms and closed his eyes, laying in a dramatic, spread eagle pose with the lamplight washing over him. Center stage and breathtaking. No, not breathtaking. Breathe, I can breathe. “D'accord. Essayons autre chose. Où est ton alpha? [Okay. Let’s try something else. Where’s your alpha?]”

Vincent’s eyes snapped open. “Je n'ai pas d'alpha. Pensez-vous, dans mon travail, qu'il est logique de dépendre de quelqu'un pour de telles… questions? Je gère. [I don’t HAVE an alpha. Do you think, in my line of work, that it makes sense to depend on someone for such…matters? I manage.]”

The opportunity screamed at him from the back of his mind until he had to actively talk himself down. Don’t say it. He doesn’t want an alpha. He doesn’t want you. Protect. Protect by staying away. John found himself backing even further away, now flattened into the dark corner where the railing met the wall. That was better anyway – if anyone passed the window, they couldn’t see him there. And they probably couldn’t see Vincent, lying down, unless they leaned right up to the windowsill. “...D'accord. Qu’utilisez-vous pour « gérer » ? Des bloqueurs? Avez-vous besoin de plus? [...Okay. What do you use to ‘manage’? Blockers? Do you need more?]”

A long moment passed. “Est-ce que tu… essaies-tu de m'aider? [Are you…are you trying to help me?]”

What was he trying to do, exactly? “Je ne peux pas te laisser ici. J'ai senti ta main. Vous êtes massivement en surchauffe. [I can’t just leave you here. I felt your hand. You’re massively overheated.]”

Vincent let out a small sound, somewhere between a scoff and a sigh. Whether it was relief or disbelief, John couldn’t tell. Finally, he started speaking, sounding utterly defeated. “Bloqueurs. Oui. Et ils ne fonctionnent pas. J'ai passé toute cette foutue chaleur en public, entouré d'alphas. Des jours maintenant… C’est hors de contrôle. [Blockers. Yes. And they’re not working. I’ve spent this entire damn heat in public, surrounded by alphas. Days now… It’s out of control.]”

“Vous devez aller à l'hôpital. [You need to go to a hospital.]”

“Ce n'est pas... ce n'est pas si grave... [It’s not…it’s not that bad…]” But with the way he immediately started shaking, John knew it was.

“Il le faut. [You have to.]”

“Je ne peux pas. Je ne peux pas sortir là-bas. Je vais mourir. Haha! Oh mon Dieu. Je vais mourir. [I can’t. I can’t walk out there. I’m going to die. Haha! Oh my god. I’m going to die.]” He didn’t seem to be talking to anyone, just sliding rapidly into hysteria.

“Hey. Non.” John’s voice had gone unnaturally gruff, even for him. It did its job and Vincent’s eyes snapped to him in obedience.

He looked away again, defying his own body, but the omega still won out in words. “Que dois-je faire? [What do I do?]”

Don’t say it. Don’t suggest ANYTHING. Be SENSIBLE. “Je pourrais… le réparer. [I could…fix it.]”

Vincent physically writhed at that thought, chest arching skyward. “NON. Va te faire foutre, non. Vous ne me tenterez PAS comme ça. [NO. Fuck you, no. You will NOT tempt me like that.]”

“D'accord, d'accord. Nous ne faisons pas ça. Je suis désolé. [Okay, okay. We’re not doing that. I’m sorry.]”

“ALORS QUE FAISONS-NOUS ? Tout ce que vous faites, c'est empirer les choses ! Tu sens le bordel fait de cuir, d'huile d'arme à feu et de viande et ARRRGGGH !! Tu es sale. Je déteste les alphas, je déteste les alphas, je déteste les alphas… [THEN WHAT ARE WE DOING? All you’re doing is making it worse! You smell like a brothel made of leather and gun oil and meat and ARRRGGGH!! You’re filthy. I hate alphas, I hate alphas, I hate alphas…]” It was an absolutely debauched display, to see this stunning nobleman in heat, writhing around on the ground, moved almost to tears of stifled lust.

No sight had ever made John want to DO something so badly in his life. “Allons juste vous rafraîchir. Enlève le manteau. [Let’s just get you cool. Take off the coat.]”

It must have been a very tempting proposition, because without arguing, he struggled to sit up and started working the coat free. But he only got onto his elbows before collapsing again in frustration. Now that pretty tailcoat was pulled down over one shoulder the way a bra strap might slip down, and to John, it was just as obscene an image as that, even though there was a soaked white dress shirt underneath, and a vest that hugged his waist...

Before he knew what he was doing, John had dropped to his knees above Vincent and was manhandling the coat off of him.

The Marquis laughed. “Alphas. Des créatures brutales et insensées. Je ne peux pas voir la détresse un seul instant sans me déchaîner. [Alphas. Brutish, mindless creatures. Can’t see distress for one instant without unleashing themselves.]” John lost composure and ripped off his vest, sending buttons clattering across the ground. “Vous voyez, aucun respect pour les belles choses de la vie. C'est un costume de qualité mais je suppose que vous ne distingueriez pas un lavalier d'un – [See, no respect for the finer things in life. This a quality suit but I suppose you wouldn’t know an ascot from a - ]”

“Arrêtez de parler. Je ne devrais même pas être ici. [Stop mouthing off. I shouldn’t even be here.]” He was working the ascot free now, and yes he did know exactly what it was. What was this guy’s problem? He was too defensive even for this embarrassing predicament. And it made him come off…vulnerable. A deep pang went through him from the pit of the neck to the stomach, longing for Vincent, and he didn’t know if it was his alpha or his soul. But he knew he liked it, in a vicious kind of way. Vincent was bringing something out of him…

“Pourquoi es-tu ici, hmm ? Tu veux tellement avoir le contrôle de quelque chose dans ta vie, petit tueur ?  « John », n'est-ce pas? [Why are you here, hmm? You want this badly to have control over something in your life, little killer?  “John,” was it?]” There was more behind that question. Confusion, at the presence of kindness.

This time he didn’t get a rise, or even an answer. John was unbuttoning his dress shirt carefully (because apparently that mattered even on the verge of death) and it took all of his attention. At the touch of the cool wind, Vincent exhaled in a mixture of gratitude and pain at the icy sting. And there he was, bare. Vincent’s skin was screaming at John by sheer sight and scent. He could see veins, collarbones…Breathe. In. Out.

“Je t'ai posé une question. Réponds-moi, alpha. Pourquoi? [I asked you a question. Answer me, alpha. Why?]”

No more buttons. Nothing to think about. Only the desperate urge to touch. John folded his hands behind his back and let his body ache deliciously, from the weight between his thighs outward. “Je voulais aider. Tu as regardé… [I wanted to help. You looked…]”

“J'ai regardé quoi? [Looked what?]”

“Précieux. Doux. Adorable. [Precious. Soft. Adorable.]” It was the wrong answer and he knew it, but he was too brain fogged looking at Vincent. It felt like being in a trance.

He blushed even more brilliantly beneath the wracking fever, and all tenderness faded from his voice. “Faible, tu veux dire. Vous avez ressenti l'appel à me contrôler. J'avais donc raison à propos de toi. [Weak, you mean. You felt the call to control me. So I was right about you.]”

“Non... ce n'est pas le cas... [No…that’s not…]” Desperate to prove his respect, he forced his legs to unbend, to start rising. Get away from him. He doesn’t want you.

Vincent’s hand caught his on the way up. “Où vas-tu? [Where are you going?]” There was terror just below the surface.

“Donner de l'espace. Je serai toujours là. [Giving space. I’ll still be here.]” Vincent’s hand slipped away and let him fade back into the shadows, where he watched in silence.

It must have been an agonizing parting for both of them. He knew it hurt, physically, to feel an alpha slip away while in heat. The omegas he’d been with had talked about a terrible, clingy loneliness, a need to be held that left every muscle aching. God, he wanted to hold Vincent. What a confusing situation.

Quietly, “Merci.”

“Bien sûr. [Of course.]” Minutes began to pass. He watched chills run through Vincent, watched him struggle to get comfortable on the hard ground and eventually hug his discarded coat against his chest, willing to take anything resembling the softness of a nest.

“Mettez-le sous vous. Pas à cause de toi. Ou vous surchaufferez davantage. [Put it under you. Not over you. Or you’ll overheat more.]”

Another irritable whine. Finally, he did. But he still couldn’t get comfortable. “Quand est-ce que cela va s’arrêter? [When will this stop?]”

“…Je ne sais pas. N'y a-t-il personne que vous puissiez appeler? Quelqu'un en qui vous avez confiance? […I don’t know. Isn’t there anyone you can call? Anyone you trust?]”

“Seuls les imbéciles font confiance à quiconque en qualité d’alpha. Et de toute façon, je ne suis pas sur le point de traverser cette fête en sentant… comme ça. [Only fools trust anyone in the capacity of an alpha. And anyway I am not about to walk through that party smelling…like this.]” His teeth were chattering with chills. He seemed to be getting worse. John wished he knew how much time they had.

“Je ne veux pas que tu meures. [I don’t want you to die.]” A flat, matter-of-fact statement.

“Comment tu sais ça ? Vous ne m'avez jamais rencontré. [How do you know that? You’ve never met me.]”

“C'est ce que je ressens. Je ne veux pas que tu meures. [It’s how I feel. I don’t want you to die.]”

Their conversation seemed to be over. A minute passed, and another. Then, “Pourquoi m'as-tu mis dans cette position ? Vous faites ça exprès. Tu es le seul alpha que j'ai jamais rencontré qui fait semblant d'être respectueux juste pour me faire supplier. C’est déroutant. [Why have you put me in this position? You’re doing this on purpose. You’re the only alpha I’ve ever met who pretends to be respectful just to make me beg. It’s confusing.]”

“Pas de mendicité. Je veux juste faire ce que tu veux. C'est tout. [No begging. I just want to do what you want. That’s all.]”

“Quelle mentalité pathétique. Il semble que vous soyez par nature servile. [What a pathetic mindset. It you're inherently servile.]” He went on muttering under his breath but John couldn’t hear it. Probably French swearing.

Not begging… John cleared his throat. “Je ne pense pas que ce soit pathétique de demander ce que l’on veut. Pour exiger ce que vous voulez. Je te veux. Que veux-tu? [I don’t think it’s pathetic to ask for what you want. To demand what you want. I want you. What do you want?]”

Vincent lifted his head enough to stare into the shadows, searching for a joke, a trick. John stepped forward enough to let the light fall on a face set with grave concern and tenderness.

“… Réparez ça. Montez-moi jusqu'à ce que ça s'arrête. […Fix this. Ride me until it stops.]”

And with that, everything John had been holding back burst forth at once. He pounced on Vincent. Belts: gone. He stripped Vincent the rest of the way down and let their contact be the only source of warmth against him.

What a warmth it was. Vincent was almost fatally overheated, but the aura of heat breathing off of his skin felt so good… All John wanted was to be buried in him. So wet too… There was slick pouring from between his legs, and his whole pelvis was red and swollen. Vincent moaned so hard when John pressed into him that he had to bite the back of his hand to avoid being heard.

“Est-ce que tu aimes ça? [Do you like that?]”

“Allez en enfer. Je – [Go to hell. I - ]” John stopped and the surrender came immediately. “Oui, oui, d'accord, j'aime ça. [Yes, yes okay I like it.]”

“Bien. Bon garçon. [Good. Good boy.]” John kissed his burning cheeks and forehead, cupped the back of his head in one hand to protect it from the hard ground. “Bon oméga [Good omega.]” Vincent’s walls contracted around him in response, a parallel of the thrill passing over the Marquis’ exultant expression. He was gasping with pleasure.

The burn in his face deepened and he buried it in John’s shoulder. “Je ne suis pas… ah… je ne suis pas un bon garçon [I’m not…ah…I’m not a good boy.]”

“Tu es. Vous êtes doué. Tu es adorable. Vous en êtes digne. Et je veux que tu vives. [You are. You’re good. You’re adorable. You’re worthy. And I want you to live.]” John rutted into him with every word, swelling rapidly. They’d knot soon, he could feel it building.

It took a second for him to realize how much he’d overwhelmed Vincent. He wasn’t just gasping against John’s shoulder anymore, he was sobbing.

John went still. “Hé. Ça va? [Hey. You okay?]”

“Ne demandez pas tout ! Je suis juste… je suis heureux. [Don’t ASK about everything! I’m just…I’m happy],” he muttered. “Alors continuez. [So keep going.]”

Happy. He’s happy because of me. He cuddled Vincent closer, locking his legs behind his hips to keep them from slipping apart for even an instant. Within moments, he was close to the knot again, waiting only for Vincent to push him over the edge.

Vincent was making soft, desperate noises into his neck, and just pulsing, throbbing rhythmically against him on all sides, milking him. He seemed to find a new wave of energy and started rolling his hips, becoming frantic. “Putain, John, j'en ai tellement besoin, j'ai besoin de plus, j'ai besoin de toi, j'ai besoin de toi ou je mourrai. [Fuck, John, I need it so badly, I need more, I need you, I need you or I’ll die.]”

“Tu m'as. Je ne laisserai rien t’arriver. C'est un lien. [You have me. I won’t let anything happen to you. It’s a bond.]” And it was. With a sense of both dread and satisfaction, he realized what was forming. “Je t'ai, Vincent. Vous êtes en sécurité. Je t'ai. J'ai… putain. [I have you, Vincent. You’re safe. I have you. I have…fuck.]” A rush of slick overwhelmed his words as Vincent came with what must have been dizzying force.

In answer, the knot hardened between them, semen flooding against Vincent’s walls, too much to fit inside him and enough to drip down their shaking legs onto the ground.

At last, they were quiet and still. Vincent’s head laid back and John kissed the tears off of his cheeks, feeling their pulses in sync deep inside the knot. This was who he wanted to be. Not the killer. Someone capable of saving a life. It occurred to John that in a few moments, this stranger would slip away. John would board a plane in the morning, and they might never see each other again.

And what was Vincent thinking about?

His eyes were closed, as long exhales left him. He looked drained by the fever and…tired. Completely tired in ways that even John didn’t understand. It was a kind of inverse of the way he didn’t understand civilians – instead of seeing a happiness that he couldn’t enter into, there was depth of misery here that demanded a companion. John stroked his hair fondly. Where did the physicality of this feeling begin and end? It felt so intimate, so intense. It couldn’t just be about the body. He wanted to be good to Vincent, to protect him. To find out what exactly he was protecting him from.

When they finally pulled apart, the heat had already started to dissipate. Vincent was shivering even more now, if that was possible. John gathered his clothes and began dressing Vincent gently, piece by piece of clothing. Vincent, meanwhile, sat on the ground, looking up at him with unreadable, soulful eyes. When they were both fully clothed again, John wrapped an arm around him and they leaned back against the wall, still concealed under the windowsill. “Que devons-nous faire maintenant ? Il y a probablement des gens qui vous recherchent. [What should we do now? There are probably people looking for you.]”

“Probablement. Mais maintenant je sens comme toi et j'ai l'air... [Probably. But now I smell like you and I look…]” He glanced down at his ruined vest and tsked.

“Viens avec moi. Je me faufilais par ici, on peut descendre le mur ensemble. [Come with me. I was sneaking out this way, we can both go down the wall together.]” John pulled out a length of climbing rope and tied it to the banister.

Vincent looked at him like he’d grown a second head. “Grimper? En bas du bâtiment ? [Climb? Down the building?]”

“Je vais vous montrer. Grimpe sur mon dos et accroche-toi à moi. [I’ll show you. Climb on my back and hold onto me.]” I don’t know what the future will bring. But hold onto me, for as long as you can.

And he did.

[jewishbarbies]

https://www.tumblr.com/jewishbarbies/768080310343778304/gotta-admit-bernie-sanders-is-getting-ridiculously?source=share

Bernie been pissing me off too but I ain’t wanna say it coz people get real protective of that old ass man nowadays, as if he’s their lord and saviour. Did the Dems do him wrong in 2016/20? Yeah, sure whatever. But Bernie has NEVER BEEN POPULAR BECAUSE HE IS RADICAL. The demographics that vote the most are old people and middle aged people and Bernie ain’t never been popular to those demographics. Maybe now, in the age of radicalism, but not in ‘16 and definitely not in ‘20. He keep acting like he would be the saving grace of America, but he forgets that he failed to capture the support from southerners, especially southern black folk. And it ain’t coz he Jewish, it’s because he has no fucking charisma at all and came off as a stuck up northerner and talking down on people. They’re gonna tell you it’s because black voters are more conservative, but it’s more complicated than that. The Clintons put in the work over the last thirty years and were actual active members of the Democratic Party. Bernie was not an active Democrat for most of his career and served a constituency of mostly white people in Vermont. Add on top of that the endorsements of Clinton by local black leaders, and Bernie Sanders never stood a chance. Also, black voters aren’t afraid of social spending, but Bernie’s specific type of social spending is more appealing to middle income to affluent college students. He had the wrong message and the wrong institutional bonafides. But people gon say it’s coz “black democrats are more conservative than white democrats” THAT AINT THE TRUTH AND YOU KNOW IT. BERNIE JUST FAILED.

But in terms of him talking shit bout the Dems and Kamala nowadays, he been pissing me off because he truly doesn’t get the real problem here. He doesn’t get that he himself aided towards the Dems losing the election.

One thing I will say is that the republicans won because they vote red no matter WHAT. No matter how outlandish their politics are, they vote as a united front, which dem voters didn’t. And radicalism aided towards that. One issue voters aided towards that. All of that shit is shit that Bernie himself largely contributed towards. And now he wanna act all high and mighty, get your old ass outta politics and go play golf. And take McConnell with you.

He keeps pushing radicalism and he doesn’t seem to get that radicalism on either side is what’s destroying this fucking country. Radical right wingers are everybody, but so is radical leftism. Does he not see how radical leftism is harming black and Jewish folk? The two demographics that vote Dem overwhelmingly because we know what’s at stake if we don’t? Maybe he sees it and doesn’t care, idk. “They’re not radical enough” WE DONT NEED RADICALISM.

The way he be talking about Kamala and the Dems on the podcasts and shit, it’s like he wanted them to lose to “prove a point”. And that shit pisses me off. Because at the end of the day, Bernie’s an old, rich, white (or white passing Jewish) guy. Project 2025 and all ain’t gonna affect him like the way it’ll affect us. He’s old as shit. He won’t be here much longer. And he rich too. He ain’t gonna suffer from the tariffs and shit like we will. So for him to act like this knowing how much pull he got… idk man. Shit pisses me off.

Sorry for the rant. I’ve just been thinking this for weeks. Bernie been unpopular with voters for a long time and his bitter ass won’t get over losing.

well said.

Bernie did a lot for activism in his life but he’s doing actual harm to the people he claims to be an activist for now. he should just go back to local politics or get out of the game altogether imo.

[azure7539arts]

Re: being blind and in the dark—a side-by-side look at TtEotM and Black Moonlight

I have a whole draft about this but it's so long, and idk if i should post it, so here's the gist:

The fact that the show shifted the narrative of person-trapped-in-the-dark from Li Susu/Ye Xiwu to Tantai Jin is very important to me. (The show and the novel are companion pieces, you can't convince me otherwise.)

In the novel, Li Susu went blind and partially deaf because of the curse from the Qingshi Flower. Basically under house arrest in the Cold Palace with no human contact for an extended period in such a state, Li Susu was left deeply traumatized because freedom and the ability to see are both very important to her and her quality of life. The trauma carried over after she'd left Ye Xiwu's body, which culminated into a scene where she had to go into a dark cave in search of something and ended up having a panic attack due to the subsequent onslaught of bad memories. Tantai Jin, shaking with realization that Susu had developed a fear of darkness because of what had happened in the past, rushed in to her aid, and upon finding Susu, he dug through his belongings to find the most reliable source of light he had on hand before helping her out of the cave. Once out, she had an epiphany about confronting the traumas of one's past in order to move on and become a stronger person for it, then she immediately retreated from Tantai Jin, leaving his side to finish what she set out to do.

A lot can be said about this character development on Susu's part, but what I find most compelling is how the show took this and asked, in return: what of Tantai Jin?

In the show, Susu never developed a fear of the dark. There's a couple of reasons for this: one, she never went completely blind and was still able to see a little of the approaching thunder right to the end of her life as Ye Xiwu; two, she was less concerned about her own freedom and sight, and was more dead-set on attempting at righting the wrongs that had transpired between her and Tantai Jin—in doing so giving him another chance at life. Li Susu in the show is a little more mature than in the novel, and she possessed more self-reflection in all the things that she went through as Ye Xiwu with Tantai Jin, which contributed greatly to their developing relationship at the time as well as her own perception of him. Bo're Fusheng Arc, therefore, became a cornerstone of even greater importance in the show than in the novel, imo, because through Sang Jiu's story, Li Susu saw what kind of enduring suffering and hopelessness would push someone to the brink and down into the precipice. This was where she learnt that she didn't necessarily have to agree with someone's actions to have compassion for them, which is an amazing lead into her eventual argument with Tantai Jin after their wedding where he told her that he'd been lost in the dark for the 20 years of his existence, stumbling through that void like a blind man until he'd thought that he'd finally found his one light in life—her.

This is a direct parallel of what was depicted in the novel. A great reversal of a question to illustrate Tantai Jin's pains, even if his experiences didn't justify the viciousness of his retaliations, and how they had both pushed themselves into this corner: their inability to see beyond the frames of references they had operated on throughout their entire lives. She was unable to see past her prejudice against him, and he also was unable to see past the perceived betrayal from her, and in their blindness, they ended up torturing each other until there was barely anything left to salvage. The moment Susu, in the show, realized what had actually happened in regards to the poisoned congee and the death of Ye Xiwu's grandmother, all the previous set-ups from the showrunners were paid back in full: if she had ever had any misgivings about her initial assumptions of this, living through Sang Jiu's life with all of its trials and tribulations left no shadow of doubt in her heart that everyone had a breaking point no matter how resilient they seemed. A series of unfortunate tragedies had been enough to turn a once optimistic, naive, and softhearted princess (who had a great, if not spoiled, upbringing) into a cold-blooded murderer, then what of Tantai Jin? Tantai Jin who had never had anything in his life?

After all, "to become a god or a devil. It all lies in one single thought."

There was no taking back everything that they had done to one another, but "some people in darkness do not deserve light" had been the cruelest thing she could have told him, and Li Susu knew this. That was why she used whatever was left of her life at the time to exchange a new existence for him—to once and for all be that light in the dark that she had previously, continually denied him time and time again. So he could hopefully see a way out somehow, even after she'd gone, and do whatever he could to begin again.

(sighs.)

Truly convinced the novel and show are each other's companion and should be both read and watched for a full experience.

[lamemaster]

Become My Heartache

Pairing: Finrod x Human Reader

Word Count: 2.9k ish

Summary: "Everyone here was so hyped about the elven king that I had to come see you as well. Personally, I just don't think we would match anyway. You're… too, how do I say it… too clean?" You tilted your head as you spoke. "Like nice or pure, maybe… and I…" You rubbed the back of your neck with an embarrassed laugh.

AN: Why did I write this idk. I was watching Rockstar 2011 and could not stop the urge to write it into a fic. Also sufi poetry is my jam. It is so well written and hits the spot. (Dividers by @saradika P.S. you're amazing!)

"Only the purest heartache, ardent pain in one's spirit, can be the source of truest art," your mentor's words ring loud in your ears. "And I don't think you have that. You aren't made for that." It was your last chance to prove yourself as his student, your only chance to show that you too could write like any other love-crazed student of his.

Clutching your satchel close to yourself, you wander the bazaars looking for someone. Specifically, someone who would become the muse of your heartbreak, the one who would lend you words of poetry. You wander the streets in search of the muse of your heartbreak.

And then, you see him: a golden-haired dream surrounded by guards, seated on a magnificent white mare. He strides through the crowded streets of the bazaar, uncaring and seemingly oblivious to the staring eyes around him.

He is an elven royal, one you don't know yet but will soon. Curious, you approach a merchant who has been side-eying you for a while, realizing you should have bought something from him earlier. "Excuse me," you ask the merchant, "Who is that?"

The merchant chuckles and replies, "Ah, you sure do live under a rock. He's the King of elves, from a place called Nathrond…no, Nargrond, I think. They call him Vidri for his wisdom, but his true name of elven kind is Finrod." Grateful for the information, you pick the cheapest-looking item from the stall, thank the merchant, and prepare to complete the last task before embarking on your life as a true writer.

"Come on, y/n, you can do this," you whisper the words of courage to yourself as you step into the gardens frequented by the elven king during his visit. Finrod, a strange elf who, despite being a royal, kept wandering among commoners, is seated there with other elves and some men trying to blend in with the elves but failing to do so. You have braided your hair tighter, dressed in your best tunic, and brought your ever-present satchel as you make your way towards him.

The elven king senses your presence and looks up. "Hi, I am y/n, and I have something to tell you," you say, and the entire group focuses on you as Finrod nods for you to continue. "Not here," you add, not wanting him to easily dismiss you under public pressure. "I don't want prying ears to hear. Let's find a more private place."

"Just speak here, mortal," one of the guards barks menacingly, brandishing a sword. Gathering your courage, you push through the built-up tension and continue speaking, even though Finrod makes no move to follow you. "I think you are really cool and attractive. I like you. Let's court," you declare, and the entire garden falls silent at your audacious statement.

"Pshh HAHHHAAA," a loud laugh rings out from one of the men. "Oh lord, she really…" another man laughs, but you only feel a slight annoyance rather than the heartache or pain you had hoped for. Your only hope lies with the elven lord, who remains speechless.

"I... don't think... I'm sorry, I can't," the words fall from the elf. You try to anticipate the impending heartache. "I... I'm already taken," you don't notice the slight redness gathering on the elven lord's cheeks.

"I guess this is it then. My love shall forever go unanswered. But that's okay, I can simply live by writing," you feel it now. Yes, this must be it. Willing your eyes to grow a little cloudier, you embrace your heartbreak.

"Okay," oops, morphing back into your depression, you take your leave. You ignore the laughing men and elves around you. You don't care for their approval or jest. There is something out there much more important than that. Something within your reach but still out of it. And this king of elves could be the answer.

Musing about it, you rush back to your mentor. He would truly see your pain now, won't he? Slightly messing up your hair and rubbing your eyes, you hurry.

"I thought I told you to leave," your teacher stands in front of you. You pause mid-bite. Your impossibly delicious meal has to wait. Seems like your heartbreak isn't evident to him. "I cannot leave," you try to remember the elven prince... or was he the king? "I cannot bring myself to do it anymore," your gaze drifts to the food that seems to be cooling down with every passing second. "There is no longer a place for me in this world. The one I loved broke my heart," you carefully pluck a bite of bread from your plate. God, the food here is always divine.

You do not notice, however, your mentor's sharp gaze. "Hmm, I was right," you pause at his words. "I was right, you do not deserve to be here. You call this love?" He points an accusatory finger at you. "You call this heartbreak?" The entire hall stops at your teacher's raised voice. "This is no love lost," he pauses with a pained look in his eyes, "If it were love, you wouldn't be here, eating away at these delights. It would be an ache so potent that it would forbid even the thought of swallowing a bite. There is no pain in you, no struggle, and that is why you are not worthy of being here," your pleas fall short of stopping your mentor as he drags you out of the halls of his school.

"Return only when you have learned to respect the pain of others. If not love, at least learn to be honest with yourself," the doors shut in your face, leaving you dumbfounded.

As the only sister to five brothers, you never had to ask for a thing. Your life had been easy. Your father, a rich courtier, allowed you to study and pursue your passion. Your brothers looked out for you. Your sisters-in-law didn't hate you either. You were not bound to an unfair betrothal either. There was truly no pain in your life.

And from what it seems, even the elven king had not done the job. However, the least you can do is apologize to him. If that is the only way to please your mentor, then so be it. You would find a way to discover the pain that would make you worthy of his teachings again.

Finrod's heart beats with a wild rhythm when he sees you walking towards him again, the one who has the courage of mighty mountains, the daring woman who proposed to him.

Even now, Finrod can't help but wonder about your intentions. It wasn't love... not the love that he knew of. It was something else. A curious thought whispered into Finrod's mind at the very sight of you.

You looked different from earlier. Gone was the joyful confidence and suaveness in your eyes. Instead, you appeared sheepish. What had caused this change in the woman who looked at him with determination, despite the scorn and mocking thrown her way?

"I… I must tell you that I am sorry," your words were different from what Finrod expected. "I am not in love with you, nor am I interested in courting you. I hope you weren't offended by my actions," your words left him speechless.

"Then wh—" Finrod began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"Everyone here was so hyped about the elven king that I had to come see you as well. Personally, I just don't think we would match anyway. You're… too, how do I say it… too clean?" You tilted your head as you spoke. "Like nice or pure, maybe… and I…" You rubbed the back of your neck with an embarrassed laugh.

"So you think I'm too naive and pure," Finrod found himself speaking before he could stop. "You judge me based on an elven king who knows nothing of this world?" Finrod leaned in and watched your pupils dilate as he did so. "Well, I will be going to Red Flower tonight. Alone," Finrod emphasized the last word with a feeling of smugness filling him.

You gaped at him open-mouthed. "Red Flower… it's a brothel," you whispered. "I thought elves… I thought you were taken…" Your voice sounded scandalized. Finrod felt a surge of satisfaction at your astounded expression.

And that is how you ended up accompanying the elven king to watch scantily clad women dancing in dimly lit rooms. Worried about leaving the pretty king alone in the red district of the town, you followed him.

And if any of you end up getting a lap dance at the end of the day then it is no one's business. Not that you would ever be able to tell his betrothed who lives in the Blessed Lands.

With the inhibitions of your master and school gone, you found yourself next to the king more often than not. Sometimes teaching him the art of stealing from guarded orchards, while others trying to pat his back as he coughed after the first whip of the pipe. Turns out elves truly cannot smoke, even when they try really hard.

As you ventured into the tavern, the poorly disguised elven king walked behind you. The shallow hood was not doing him any favors, but despite your numerous attempts, the elf simply did not try on the fake beard.

You stared at two frothing mugs of mead, then turned to look at your partner. "Are you sure elves don't fall ill? I don't want to be linked to any harm done to your majesty." Finrod did not answer you with words; instead, he chugged the entire mug.

"Uaaw… Ughh," you didn't even flinch when Finrod gaged next to you. "How?" he questioned your ability to drink without a wince. "I told you it's not your refined and aged wine," you winked at the hidden royal.

"Why do you think God would be found in an effigy made of stone?" You glared at Finrod as you tried to shut him up. He clearly was intent on getting you and himself to the halls of Mandos, as he called it.

"It is merely a belief, a custom. Can you not sound so dismissive right now?" You dragged the king away from the crowd and the looming temple in the background. "People find hope where they can, be it in a stone shaped into their belief," Finrod stared at you, and you tried not to huff. It would really make your nostrils flare in the most unappealing way possible. "Not everyone is born in the land of gods, King Finrod."

"Forgive me," two words spoken with utmost sincerity erased all your anger in a heartbeat.

As Finrod prepared to leave, a sense of restlessness washed over your heart. The impending separation weighed heavily on your mind, and you found yourself unable to break away from his gaze. There was an unspoken challenge in his eyes, as if daring you to venture into an unknown battle of emotions.

"Is this how you men hug?" Finrod asked, a playful note in his voice, as you embraced him tightly to bid farewell. You chuckled softly, not wanting to let go. "Yes," you replied, a hint of reluctance in your voice. But just as you started to pull away, you felt Finrod's arms tighten around you, holding you closer.

"Then stay like this a little longer," he murmured, his voice laced with a mixture of longing and sincerity. The words caught you off guard, stirring a flurry of emotions within you. Your heart skipped a beat as you contemplated the deeper meaning behind his request.

"You want to run away or something?" you teased, trying to mask the sudden vulnerability that threatened to surface. A mischievous smirk danced on your lips as you challenged him playfully. "Like leave your kingdom and visit brothels with me?"

For a moment, the air hung heavy with anticipation. Finrod's gaze locked with yours, and you could sense the gravity of his response before he even uttered a word. His eyes spoke volumes, filled with unwavering determination and a longing for a different kind of freedom.

"Yes," he answered, his voice steady and resolute. The single word hung in the air, leaving you momentarily stunned. Your heart pounded in your chest, and a mix of excitement and uncertainty coursed through your veins.

"What do you mean?" you asked, your voice betraying a hint of apprehension. You searched his eyes for clarity, seeking to understand the depth of his intentions. The mischievousness in your voice was replaced by genuine curiosity.

A soft smile tugged at Finrod's lips, a gentle reassurance in his gaze. The seriousness in his stare extinguished any doubt, leaving you breathless. "I mean it," he replied, his voice unwavering. "I want to be the most un-elven elf with you. So, should we run away now?"

Your mind raced, trying to comprehend the weight of his words. A mix of emotions flooded your being — fear, excitement, and a flicker of hope. You hesitated for a moment, unsure of what this new path might bring, but the glimmer of possibility was too enticing to resist.

"I'm just joking," you finally managed to utter, "I wouldn't want to steal elves of their king," a hint of uncertainty lacing your words. But as you gazed into Finrod's eyes, you saw a lightness return to his expression, a playfulness that belied his sincerity. It was as if he understood the complex dance of emotions within you and accepted it without judgment.

A smile broke across Finrod's face, reaching his eyes and erasing any trace of doubt. He released you from his embrace, but his presence lingered, a connection that transcended the physical touch. "Maybe it was just a joke," he conceded, his voice filled with warmth, "but sometimes, jokes reveal the deepest desires hidden within our hearts."

That was how you parted with Finrod. Your last meeting held no promise of another.

Something gnawed at your soul — a settling dread that you would not be seeing him anymore. He was gone just like that. He might even not remember visiting you in his long lifetime.

Lost in your thoughts, you continued walking, and for the first time, you did not have a destination in mind. You walked past your school, your home, and the brothels you visited with Finrod, but nothing seemed to hold your attention. So you continued walking, step after step, pulled by an invisible force.

Clutching your satchel close to you, you followed the call that tugged at the weight that seems to have settled in your heart.

You stand outside the closed doors of your once home. And you know these doors will not be opening for you. Neither these doors nor the doors that lead to your mentor. You are no longer welcome in the world that you once called yours.

Clutched in your hand is a piece of paper. A crumbled piece of paper, that loses its ink to the merciless downpour of rain.

You could not find yourself to lament the loss of the words fading with every passing second. After all, these words were all you had left now. An abundance of them flocked every aspect of your life.

Nothing but these wretched words, the once you paid for with everything you ever valued.

It had been days since you had last barged through the doors of your mentor's place. You had expected to find the answers to your anguish there. To maybe seek approval for the bargain that seemed to have stripped you from your soul.

He should have known the answers to the path he led to you. When you enter the halls you once wished to be part of, you received nothing but stares full of contempt or found yourself confronted by the scorn of the ones who claimed to be the mascots of love.

If you had been more aware of the surroundings maybe you would have noticed your unkempt clothes, your unbrushed hair, or your bare feet that were bleeding onto the polished floors.

You held on to bunched up pages in your hands. Blank sheets full of poetry, yearning, and want. "Take it back," the words leave your mouth at the first sight of your mentor. You hand him the papers that he barely holds on to. "Take back or undo whatever it is that your teachings have led me to. I have written like you wanted. I have created like those love-crazed sufis now make this stop. Make this stop." The hall stands quiet.

"I cannot do that," your mentor's voice is a whisper. "No one can," he sounds so meek, unlike his past self.

"You don't understand. I cannot live like this. I cannot spend nights thinking of the one whose name I have already written a thousand times. I am looking for him, the king of elves, they call him Vidri or Finrod. I cannot find him. Tell me where he lives or where to find him..." your words thunder like the skies of July. You kneel in front of the one who you once knew to be your teacher. Begging for a respite of any kind.

You have been looking for Finrod for days but no matter how far your footsteps took you, you found no trace of the one you searched for. People knew of the golden-haired king but none knew of his kingdom. It was as if every proof of his existence evaporated into the searing winds of the desert.

You visited every place, every nook, every corner where you once saw him but there were no signs of him. Only the emptiness of your own yearning stared back at you.

"Please bring him back," your mentor steps back from your crouched figure.

Oh, the ecstasy of love's sweet wine, Intoxicates the soul with bliss divine. In the union of lover and beloved, they become one, An unsaid union, under the eternal sun.

So let the heart yearn, let it ache and pine, For in love's longing, a purpose divine. Through love's trials, the soul finds its way, To the eternal realm, where love holds sway.

So I embrace the reflection, a reflection of divine, As I seek him, I find my own essence entwined. In the labyrinth of love, I am both seeker and sought, A journey where duality is naught.

Finrod read the words once, then again, and again. He couldn't stop. Even without a name, he knew they were your words. Written by an anonymous poet, they resonated with him deeply because none would know them better than Finrod.

Hidden in the tavern he had once visited with you, Finrod smiled at the withered page of paper. So you had made it after all. Pride and joy filled him, but so did a sense of foreboding.

He ventured out, searching for you, but no one uttered your name. It had become taboo. The world had moved on without you. Your mentor, your friends, your brothers, they all stepped into a time where there was not a mention of you.

Where were you? You belonged here, with your people, in your bustling bazaars where you first met him. He had expected to return to a frozen time. And maybe this time… maybe he could finally tell you of his heart.

He found you amidst scorns and muttered curses. A frown appeared on his face as he noticed the averted eyes. "She had it coming with her deeds," an aged woman with a kind smile said without an ounce of sympathy or love for you. "A woman of the worst character. Did you know she had been seen frequenting those wretched brothels and indecent taverns? When asked, she spouted nonsense. Her brothers did not care for it and kicked her out. Her mentor, a respectable man, did not fare well with it either. For days she wandered these streets like a lewd prostitute, but then just left one day. Must have found another man or died in a ditch for all I care," disgust filled Finrod at the woman's words, but before he could defend you, another voice interrupted him.

"Come back, Granny, don't stand there talking to strangers," a child rushed forward and guided the elderly woman away from Finrod. Patting Finrod's shoulder, the woman started walking away. "Must have been some elven magic. That wretch would not stop talking about that elven king. She would write of him, sing of him, speak to him gazing in the skies...she was too far gone. "

When I looked for myself, I found his eternal flame, And in seeking him, I discovered my own name. In the sacred union of love's tether, I found the Beloved, in the depths of my own self, forever.

At last, Finrod had become your heartbreak.

[thisisnotthenerd]

silly little ideas i had post-c3e51

with the party split the way it is, communication is going to be super hard for bell’s hells. both of their party members with sending are in the flotket alps--they won’t have much to spare to send to the others, especially if they try to contact any allies that weren’t at the ludinus fight. it might take a little while for them to get the band back together, so to speak.

if they go the slayer’s take route and have the parties alternate, potentially with guests, it would be a little fun and spicy to have aabria come and dm one of them if they run into the crown keepers. maybe its another exu expansion. idk. all i know is that she’s great, and having matt dm a guest group with the crown keepers would feel just a little weird. i don’t like the idea of dariax as a dmpc. maybe he’s busy with the observer? idk.

 As of right now i think orym, laudna, and ashton are either on issylra in the original Hishari, or they’ve been transported to terrah on tal’dorei--they’re more likely to run into the crown keepers especially because orym has the sending stone to dorian. the wildemount group is probably going to start hitting more c2 people (or not).

after they get their bearings and potentially start finding out what really happened to ashton, it would be really funny to see them meet up with the crown keepers. I don’t know if laudna and opal would instantly click, but they both have a drippy warlock lady with voices thing going on, and it would be an interaction like that of laudna and ira or that one cleric they ran into whose name i cannot remember after eshteross died. there’s a vibe there. also opal’s probably straight up not having a good time with the apogee solstice and lolth. great opportunity to find out if delilah’s still knocking around in there and what she thinks of ludinus. and also to try and get her out of there.

ashton has an opportunity here to meet another genasi (fy’ra rai) and also find out more about what got implanted in their head (dunamis something or other/glass?). i think this is his opportunity to really be understood and prioritized, especially given the e49 conversation they had with laudna. give this guy a chance to leave and see what he does. cracking this particular geode, especially when the party is split, is going to give way to some fun and spicy character dynamics in the future.

orym is just reuniting with his friends, and it would be interesting to see what the crown keepers’ level ups look like. i think that little man needs some time to decompress a little. he’s just relived a bunch of his major sources of grief--the survivor’s guilt is going to come out, i feel it in my bones. this fun little murder lad needs a moment to be just a guy. maybe he spices it up along the way, idk. he’s already got a lot of the requisites to toss in a little bit of ranger. give him a favored enemy. let the little murder man go feral with the blessing of melora. he’s always the hinged one. personally, a little flavor of the ashari with horizon walker could be interesting, what with them guarding the gates to the elemental planes. i want this guy to maintain that he is just a guy while hasting himself and teleporting places. not that it would happen--he’d lose too many fighter levels to do it. but still, it’d be fun and spicy.

the followup

[cal-gabes]

RUNNING HERE BC I SAW A POST AND JUST. Y’ALL ARE BEINF SUBJECTED TO MY SOURCE MEMORIES AND IDGAF WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT. THESE ARE SILLY 2 ME!!! 😾 (using cat emojis is so fun)

POST UNDER THE CUT SO YOU DONT SUFFER

( Hi! I feel the need to say; I’m aware i’m not my source. I just heavily lean towards it due to the comfort it brings! secondly, if you think i’m weird just don’t interact and move on? you have to SEARCH to find my blog. I don’t tag anything relating 2 my source so it’s kinda ur own fault really. Thx! )

— Ukrainian + Polish!!!!! Born and raised in america BUT YEAH

— I genuinely love sharks and trains; I use to ramble about my favorite shark, the lemon shark, all the time and yes I was punched bc of it (he cared about me I promise/silly)

— Snake bites + center tongue piercing were my dream ngl. still is but you get my point

— I had 1 tattoo and it was a stick n poke I did while high… it was a smiley on my inner thigh

— There was not a day at the kriegman’s that I did not actively try to cuddle with mel. whoever started the allegations that me and her didn’t get along are wrong; i babied her just as much as andre tyvm.

— Low iron would’ve been the death of me if it weren’t for ZD tbh. I forgot my meds so damn often and no, reminders did NOT help.

— Let rachel and my sister do my makeup one time; got deemed “Princess Caralyne” and have not let go of that sense even if i’m FtM. Forever princess caralyne. idc man. 🫶

— I did steal shit from andre a lot tbh. mainly random trinkets I found in his room and he never noticed???? he might’ve but honestly he never got onto me about it so 💀

— Mindlessly pressing my tongue to my cheek. Got yelled at often bc I’d zone out looking at the dumbass while doing it. Yeah…

— OKAY ENOUGH RELATING 2 ANDRE. My favorite thing to eat was pizza even tho i despised and continue to despise cheese. idk it tastes funny 2 me.

— I was forced to play uno with my siblings so many times and lost too many times for my ego to be intact but it still is bc I beat them in everything else.

— Broke my leg once and had to use crutches and threatened to wack someone in the head with them when I’d get fed up…

— DPD, ASD and ADD haunted me like the plague and still do. I can’t escape my suffering man.

— Being deadass, I bit everything I could any chance i got.

OKAY SHIT ABOUT ANDRE NOW + my weird ass relationship w/ him… HI BABE WHEN U SEE THIS ENJOY MY WEIRD MEMORIES OF U REGARDING SOURCE :3

— He had a freckle on the back of his neck that looked like a heart and I 100% kissed it whenever I could. got hit each time and nearly broke my nose too many times… but worth it nonetheless!!!

— Not much of a hugger, but did hold my hand if he thought I needed some form of affection which was nice!

— No, he really did lose it every time I said lieutenant. not just bc he was mad prior. he hated it and I loved to piss him off w/ it.

— THAT MAN NEEDED GLASSES ISTG. HE COULDNT SEE FOR SHIT HALF THE TIME.

— He would stare at people with murderous intent the second they mention any accent from him and it was honestly terrifying???

— Frog blinks. he frog blinked without meaning to and it was adorable. called him froggy for a very long while.

— He bailed me. he bailed me out of jail 3 times and we aren’t getting into that.

— Proper communication? nahhh. avoiding you for weeks then showing back up as if he wasn’t gone at all? mm. that’s it, that hits the spot./silly

I will probably post more shit like this about other stuff too because just wehlehfkdhdkfb happy

[bisluthq]

you have such a weird approach to taylor and travis’ relationship. it’s so interesting to me that you base their level of knowledge about each other on how much you see them out in public - like if they’re not together, you immediately assume they don’t communicate, therefore they cannot know each other. meanwhile, you were writing borderline fanfiction about joe and taylor, despite them never being seen together. i’m well aware that they spent more time with each other as far as we knew but there was zero indication that joe one year in knew more about taylor than travis does now…

to insinuate that he’s with her for that 8 figure deal but then 2 asks later say that you’re rooting for them is just comical lmao

yes we all know you liked her better with joe but times change, PEOPLE change. idk it’s just super obvious to me that taylor is happy and content in this relationship - to question that and imply that she’s still hung up on her fuckass exes is just very strange. it’s her life, if she truly isn’t happy then we’ll find it eventually but there’s no need to speculate about her being miserable.

can you imagine finally getting to a place where you can enjoy your life, feel like you have your shit figured out only to have your fans be obsessed with the idea that you’re faking your happiness? i’d go absolutely insane - you guys are not better than the gaylor who are convinced that her entire life is just performance art…you’re essentially doing the exact same thing - she says something, you say she’s lying, she seems happy, she must be faking it, she has a man love her, he must be in it for the money like……..just stop

bruv I never ONCE said she’s hung up on an ex and have actively said I don’t think she is. I’ve actively said so when people have implied surprise songs are about an ex because that’s an insane thing to think. I don’t think she’s hung up on any ex and I would judge the absolute fuck out of her if she got back together with either of those guys. That’d be a terrible fucking idea.

but like the cupcakeing here is unreal. “Finally”? My sibling in christ, this woman has been single for like 6-9 weeks over the period of the last ten years. She left Calvin for Hiddles (while also lusting after Joe), she left Hiddles for Joe, she left Joe for Matty (who she’d been fucking when she’d met Calvin lol) and Matty left her. After which she was single for like 7 weeks and then she started dating Travis. She dated Travis for about a month before they went super public together and NEITHER of them have had a chance to fucking breathe because this has been an extremely busy time for them.

this has fuck all to do with Joe lol and it’s reminding me of whenever I’d say her and Joe don’t seem perfectly happy in every way, I’d have people say it’s because I’m a miserable Gaylor. Now apparently because I don’t think her and Travis have EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO DECIDE EITHER WAY, it’s because I’m a widow.

have you thought, just maybe, that I… am just quite realistic and know cognitively that she’s a real person and real people don’t get happily ever afters lmao, they just get more fucking life?? Come on.

I also think it’s fuck naive not to see that they’re both mining this relationship for money and positive publicity. Doesn’t make it fake or bad or mean that they’re miserable but totally utterly delusional to somehow claim they aren’t. Doesn’t mean they’re not happy! In fact it’s probably one of the things that makes them happy like it makes sense and it’s constructive to both of them.

I’m just not into cupcake takes, which this is, and if you want a source that deepthroats whichever guy she’s with rn that’s totally fair - that’s your preference - but then go follow those girls? Block and unfollow?

Come on. I don’t like acting like real people can ever be perfectly perfect in every way, because it’s silly - escapist and perhaps enjoyable for you and that’s SUPER FAIR, but ultimately quite silly.

also no I don’t think she’s lying and I don’t think she was lying the last fifty times she said she’s never been happier only to say that was in fact a miserable time. I think that makes her perfectly imperfect and human 🤷🏻‍♀️😘

[somnolentleviathan]

Update version of my boy Sylus (I am open to rps! just send a dm)

He's based off this idea (and is Character B): Character A and character B pretty much grew up together and even promised each other they would be together forever. But due to some circumstances A left, but he promised B that he would be back. Person A wrote a letter promising they would return and they would be together again. But that never happened, as the years passed character A is the head of a Mafia group, as for character B became a drug addict. Character A found him and is doing anything he can to save him. (More)

tws: mentions of drug usage and family abuse (nothing detailed)

"Look, I might look like some weakling but when I was high as fuck I took down three mafia guards- those were yours? Ah- Yikes..Maybe hire new guards?"

|

Name:

- Sylus Love

Age:

- 24

Gender:

- Male

Sexuality:

- Gay

Personality:

- Jealous little shit, untrustworthy, careless, and defensive - he can be quite brash also to keep people away, sarcastic - Idk if this is a personality but he takes promises very serious

Personality before drugs:

- Very caring to those around him, adventurous, affectionate, patient, playful, sarcastic, takes promises serious

Negative Traits:

- Obsessive

Likes:

- Sweets (mainly cookies), he really likes fish and wants a pet beta (white and black to match his hair) - tbh he would love his own little aquarium, loves rain, sharing food (loves hot pots), he loves any source of water and the life living in it

Dislikes:

- Sour food, the sun, doesn't care for dogs all that much, eating fish. Seeing people eat fish around him.

Looks:

- He has silver hair (which is dyed his hair is normally black) , grey eyes, arms are normally bruised up due to certain drugs - he's 5'3" - Has scar on his left eyebrow, and on his ear

- His outfits do vary from baggy outfits or crop tops with a jacket and always jeans

|

"You're making more empty promises. You're going to help me get clean?" Sylus scoffed looking away, "Like how you promised me we would always be together? Or that you'd come back to me?" He glanced at the other he felt his skin run cold. "I liked you better when you were a hallucination."

|

Info/Notes:

- He does have sensory issues with sound depending, ADHD, anxiety, and depression

- He used to be in university to be a marine biologist

- He doesn't remember how long he's been on drugs - but he does know he started when his mom had passed and he was eventually all alone

- He remembers the promise him and his best friend had made about staying together forever, he remembers the promise his best friend made about coming back to him.. Due to this he still has hope the other will return

- He gets more addicted to the drugs due to seeing hallucinations of his childhood crush - it puts him at ease as it's the only chance he gets to see them

- Has a knife (normally hidden away in his shoe or jacket pockets - the knifes hilt is blue while the blade has a design

- He has used the knife several times either in defense or threatening (he has killed a few people but this haunts him)

- When he does see his childhood friend again he blames the drugs, claiming it's a hallucination - but when he wakes up in a penthouse and sees the same man standing in front of him he assumes he died, be he feels relief with this he gets to be with the one he loved finally (though when he realizes he's alive he becomes brash and closed off)

- Due to his addiction he hops club to club, and cause of this he has a lot of information on certain things (rival mafia weakness maybe)

- He's homeless but lives in a warehouse as of right now, or he crashes at friends houses when he's sober

- Being off drugs he has habits of itching his arms and neck a lot, looking around and major headaches - he can be rude due to withdrawal

- Tends to threaten people a lot with "yeah, well my lover is a Mafia boss so.....'

- Hates being called a lap dog (as he sits on his lovers lap)

- He has an older brother and sister that's so *worried* about his safety in the Mafia but didn't do anything for him when on drugs - used excuses like 'oh, but my daughter failed her test...' 'oh but I have this important board meeting'

- He doesn't mind being in the mafia he actually enjoys the power a lot (ordering the guards to do stupid shit like get him a freaking ice cream cone) He also doesn't mind helping out and gathering information |

Faceclaim:

|

"Dad, did you know what I did when you left me alone in the hospital with mom? I sat by her side crying, begging for her to come back, to not leave me. When I came home I sat in the living room staring at the door like I was a kid again waiting for her to come in bringing cookies or a new toy… What did you do? Oh, right, you got married the same day she died."

|

Family Relations:

Marie Love

Sylus' mom by blood, Scarlet and Liam weren't her blood kids. She was closer to Sylus and supported his hobbies and dream - Even winning a goldfish for him at a fair

She always baked cookies in shape of fish for him and his best friend when they were kids, and when his best friend left she was always there or her son

Angelo Love

Was abusive towards Sylus mostly when Maria passed away, blamed him for a lot and wanted his son like his other kids to follow in his path

Was partly the reason for Sylus addiction as he would give Sylus heavy dosages

He isn't around in the picture anymore as Sylus fully cut him off, but Sylus still hears from him through his siblings

He used to be a mafia boss before going into strictly business, he cheated on his wife a lot

Loves his other two kids more for following in his footsteps

Scarlet Love

Helps her father with the business

She does have a husband and kids

Sylus is a little bit closer to her but their relationship is a little rocky still but she did hate to see the other hurt (but turns a blind eye on his addiction)

Liam Love:

Is the next in line to take over the business

Followed in his fathers foot steps and beats Sylus a lot, killed Sylus' goldfish (after mothers passing) and was always rude to their "mother"

Was an ass to any of Sylus' friends also

Sylus keeps in contact with him still though due to not wanting to lose every family member

[sennqu]

i spent a little time reading thru the TLK sub and i was kinda sad how negative a lot of the people were about the movie. i can understand it because S1-5 were very good and netflix gave the show a movie instead of a full final season.. but idk. i thought the team did extremely well with what they had!! i went into the movie expecting the difference in pacing (multi-ep season vs. movie) which i think threw a lot of fans off but isn't really my problem. it could have been better (as many things can be) but i still enjoyed it a lot as a standalone.

a lot of the negativity was on aethelstan's portrayal.. of course, there's a little bit from the usual homophobic suspects, but from what i've seen it's also because he was a lot more ambitious and less prone to manipulations in the books (and in written history). less weighed down by gayngst.

but idk, i thought how the movie handled him was fine too! like, yeah, ingilmundr's plot against him and the whole falling in love with the man who will ultimately betray you storyline could have been better serviced with a slower burn... but idk. it still really worked for me. it was easy to get that they'd been entwined for a long period of time before the movie started. and i guess i'm just glad they attempted that storyline at all even with the time constraints? like, the movie really said england's first king HAD to be piously christian and gay and in love and self-hating because of it. and he was still going to win the battle that led to him becoming the first king of england. said battle also featured a 1v1 with his treasonous lover. their vision for him...

plus, his storyline is more of an indictment against his religion rather than his sexuality in contrast to what i've seen some saying imo. like, it was because he was such a pious christian that his sexuality became a source of shame rather than a non-entity. his problem wasn't that he was gay full-stop; it was that he was gay in a culture that didn't allow him to be. like, of course he'd fall deeply in love and become incredibly loyal to the man who he felt 1. understood him, and 2. loved him back. a once in a lifetime chance for someone like him. he was just gonna atone for this by creating a unified, christian england.

i get the criticisms that the gayngst was a disservice to how great and/or ruthless of a ruler/tactician/politician he apparently was in the books/recorded history. but, the man did kill his brother to become king and for all intents and purposes, he was also doing a great job doing his thing in the years between S5 and the movie. but also, selfishly, indulgently, it was a treat seeing a storyline like that play out in front of my eyes so the criticisms don't really matter all that much to my enjoyment and personal appraisal of the story in the end.

like... who would have thought that TLK would give us gay rep in the form of a "falling in love with the man who secretly plotted against you all along and then you will have to kill him for treason and on top of that, he wasn't truly in love with you after all. and also, you're the first king of england" storyline <3 beautiful. and again, we get to see the man being gay on-screen while also still fulfilling the role of the pious ruler who never married or begat children that history said he had been. a win-win to me personally.

[redandblackpoetry]

and onto my favorite part of ur answers: eldritch ghost crumbs (⁠つ⁠✧⁠ω⁠✧⁠)⁠つ

i'm v interested in ghost's past with roach, like the entirety of their relationship? hows and whys and whens!!! but i shall keep my silence for the sake of the sequel...... but!! ghost's issues keep increasing (well i keep learning there's even more baggage than i expected) with each of my asks/comments that u answer and i am Enjoying It. like yes. make him Suffer. hurt/comfort is a very superior trope and he is my sacrificial lamb to the angst gods

so idk much abt lovecraftian eldritch monsters (i know of the lore pretty vaguely) bc i am a Fool so idk how much u based ur plot on it but basically any eldritch lore dump is appreciated either way bc of that.

also ghost crumbling at peer pressure? now i feel that. well i think u meant more like a threatening sort of pressure rather than friendly jabbing but it's a lot more funnier when u consider ghost being exposed to peer pressuring and going. uh, ok. LMAO anyway it's also a v beautiful irony that a being that feeds off of fear doesn't welcome it in the parts of his life that he is the most vulnerable in so chefs kiss for that

his true form!!!! i was already guessing this bc it's pretty much implied i feel like but!!! does this mean, when ghost got captured by zaragoza he was in his true form? what are the dimensions even? and!!!! simon saw him like that? could 141 ever get a chance to see him like that, like can he leave simon's body and then come back? (i won't accept the answer of they will but he'll have to completely leave simons body, no sir. simon is along for the ride alive or dead, whether he wants to or not) (talk abt ride or die but die is optional while ride is mandatory)

more importantly, i'm like v v v obsessed with thinking abt simon's pov on first seeing ghost and how his opinion would've changed had the situation been more normal when they first met? like... is he also inherently a monsterfucker? (that's such an iconic question out of context btw, pls acknowledge my brilliance) but like soap sees the tongue and goes. hm. would simon also. ok no my brain is overheating at this point i'll shut up.

(i'm just thinking another au of an au yet again. thanks for the brainrot. it's branching and GROWING how do i stop it????? but like i'm imagining like timeline being different and ghost being captured by the opportunistic fuck shepherd and they try to use ghost in usual military fashion and simon maybe meets him like that and. wow now that i'm getting into it this has the vibes of those merfics of mer being caltured and the scientist seeing them and slowly getting to know them and it's then an epic save-the-mer adventure but mer is an eldritch monster and the pretty scientist is actually a built like a shit brickhouse, gruff military man simon who is Ver Reluctantly starting to get fond of ghost and is not happy abt it)

(i'm dying. why is my brain doing this to me. whyyyyyy)

anyway i have yet again wrote walls of text abt this fic so. i'll wander off and touch some grass before my brain explodes. i'm just. obsessed with all this. a tad too much perhaps so this ask is now ur problem. have fun

The hows and the whys and the whens of Roach and Ghost's relationship have pretty similar answers actually, it'll make sense when I get there hopefully. And I hope that it's as good as you're imagining!

Hurt/comfort ngl is one of my favorite tropes, and I love giving characters trauma and breaking them down and mending them back together and seeing how I can mend them

And don't worry about knowing the lore, as with most fanfiction I'm taking Lovecraft and his genre's works and kinda ripping it apart for juicy bits, though I'm trying to keep the overall impressions. The feeding on different emotions/things is entirely my own idea because I honestly needed some way to nerf Ghost since Lovecraft never elaborates on how his eldritch beings function, so I gave them a food source. The whole possession aspect is actually based on one of Lovecraft's characters though I filled in my own blanks (LC loves being vague for The Horror) and Ghost's parents are also eldritch horrors that are mentioned in his and others' works. Cthulhu also exists in this fic and is actually Ghost's nephew geneology wise! Thats gonna become important in the next chapter ;)

And yesss the fact that Ghost feeds on fear doesnt make him immune to it

And yes! Ghost was in his true form when he was captured by the cartel, though since he was weak he was smaller than normal (he stretches like silly putty). I put a lot of lore and background into each chapter so I'm never sure how much readers remember/understand especially if its spread out. Size wise during the cartel he was probably at least the size of a car, normally he's maybe the size of a six story building? He's actually pretty small compared to some of his kind

And yes, Simon saw him like that and was like "neat, I'm gonna make a deal with this thing because I was the cartel to Burn" and Ghost immediately vibed with that

Would you believe that I'm toying with the idea of the 141 seeing his true form in the main fic? Its gonna be very near the end, and there's a lot of angsty implications regarding it because remember, Simon's dead. Without Ghost to keep his body, well, alive and functioning what happens to a dead body?

Absolutely iconic question and I'd very much believe that Simon is definitely a monsterfucker. He's seen so many human monsters that it imagine its somewhat of a relief and very attractive for him to see a monster not trying to hide what they are. You're also giving me very naughty threesome Ghost/Simon/Soap ideas

And friend, dear mutual, I have absolutely no clue how to fix the brainrot as its infected me as well! And again with giving me ideas!! I was soo close to starting a new 141 fic focusing on Roach for mermay you have no idea, might come to your ask box and ramble at you about it

You know Venom, yes? This idea is giving very Venom movie vibes. Because Ghost is a hardass and he'd cave eventually and end up possessing the people that Shepherd brought in as cannon fodder but he wouldn't gel with them and since he's very prideful he's end up ripping them to shreds over and over. Until Simon. Until Shepherd captured Simon and they gel and Simon and Ghost bond and the 141 come to save them. The team finds out about Ghost and they just slowly introduce him to the world and help him heal and take him on missions

Welp this has been my wall of text, hope you enjoyed! I also need to touch grass but sadly its a beautiful day and I'm stuck at work