#idk why i decided to make this hard on myself but anyway we are vibing

[intrepidacious]

21 for the wip asks 🩷

21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic.

the calling - the amazing devil

don't blame me - taylor swift

down - simon, trella

talk to me about the wip i’m currently writing

[rosanna-writer]

Fic Writer ask game

Thanks for the tag @whatishowedyouinthedark!

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing For longer fics, I usually start with an outline. It's usually just a bullet point list of events with sub-bullets for random notes about the event (things to make sure get mentioned, scraps of dialogue I'm already thinking will be included, etc), and sometimes I'll write the summary first and throw that at the top of the document. Then I just follow the outline, mostly in order, and decide on chapter breaks as I go based on vibes. I draft pretty slowly because I clean as I go, and for canonverse-fic (especially anything that's first person Feyre POV), I stop to refer to PDF copies of the books pretty frequently to make sure things "match." Then I do a once-over, usually reading aloud, to catch typos and awkward phrasing, and then post!

Are you a plotter or a pantser? I'm a plotter for sure! I like to do all my thinking in the outline, so drafting is a brain-off, "just refer to the notes" type of deal

What do you listen to when you are writing? Nothing! I find it distracting, and I'd pause it all the time to read things out loud anyway.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)? Coffee! I usually try to take myself on a coffee shop writing date once a week.

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written? It's so hard to pick! But I have a soft spot for everything that gives me warm fuzzy feelings because I wrote it specifically with friends in mind, like I Knew You Were Trouble, The Great War, and Love At First Sight's For Suckers <3

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love. with you i serve, with you i fall down, there's just not much of an audience for genfic centered around Mor's frienships (and it's a short drabble). But I think it works really nicely as a missing scene from canon

Do you have any advice for new writers? "Just keep going!!!!" feels like trite, unhelpful advice, but I think it boils down to this: it takes a loooooooong time to get decent at identifying problems in your work and fixing them because that's a skill in and of itself. There will be literal years of feeling like your work is meh but not really knowing why (that sort of "something is off, but idk what" thing), and it's frustrating as hell. All you can do is just keep going and practice until you get past it. Creative writing classes or feedback from a knowledgeable beta (i.e. someone who actually reads in your genre AND knows how to deliver criticism kindly) can speed the process along, but ultimately, the only way out is through.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at? "Atmospheric" writing that whisks you away somewhere else/pieces that feel "dreamy." There are SO many writers I admire who do it well (@bloomingdarkgarden, @thesistersarcheron, @popjunkie42, and @foundress0fnothing have all killed it with the otherworldly fairytale vibes), and I feel like I'm just sitting here writing the Generic Airport Novels of fic lol

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did? Azriel! I've always liked him because a character archetype I adore is Very Sad But Very Sexy Spy. But in we said hello and your eyes look like coming home, I really didn't anticipate how healing having a quietly helpful "loyal attack dog" kind of person in her life would be for Feyre, who has her whole "years being the breadwinner burned me out because no one came through for me" complex at the forefront of her mind in that AU. Rhys combats it in more of a caretaking/mother hen/"let me be soft and spoil you because no one else did" kind of way, which I LOVE, but there's also something about Azriel's love language being a grim "it's handled" that goes so hard.

The Az that exists in my head is more or less the Night Court's Olivia Pope, and I want to write more of him quietly assassinating people/planting evidence/leaking damaging things to the press on the High Lord and High Lady's behalf.

Everyone I mentioned above can consider themselves tagged <3

[suffering-frombrain-rot]

Obey me brothers + crew watching MC do a diamond painting

I've never done a post like this before, let alone anything for this fandom, but I'm doing a diamond painting myself, and these boys decided to rotate in my brain while doing so. I hope ya'll enjoy this crack post!

Lucifer

-he thinks it's an interesting concept

-he likes checking in on your progress as you place the tiny gems on the right spaces

-far too tedious and time consuming for him to do

- if he ever had a break, then he'd maybe like to try it out with you

-he'd let you work on it in his office while he works as long as you SWEAR you wont make a mess with the gems

-if you do happen to spill some, he'll make sure you pick up every last one, double and triple check that they're all accounted for

-if you give it to him, hed definitely frame it and put it either in a hallway or in his room

Mammon

-he thinks its dumb, why would you spend so much time doing something like that when you could just get a premade one or the same image without the gems?

-he loves watching you do it, he'll say all that to your face, but we all know he'd wanna watch you the whole time

-gets exited when you send him updates, but he'll just respond with a "nice" or something

-he'd wanna try it out with you so you get him one of his own

-he spills the crystals all over the sticky part on accident

-doesn't know how the tools work, he'd also put them on upside down on accident

-he'd frame your finished one and hang it above his bed~

-he's never letting his see the light of day

Leviathan

-he'd play lots of puzzle games, so he sees the appeal in doing something like that

-it's said in a group chat, idk what it was called, but he likes to be able to be in a room with a person and do two completely different things, he doesn't need constant communication or even doing the same thing as the person really to be happy in their presence

-so I'd like to imagine he'd love having you work on your project on the floor of his room while he plays a game or watches a anime

-he'd occasionally check up on you to see your progress!

-maybe he'd order his own of Hana Ruri off Akuzan to work on with you the next time you bring it over to his room

-I don't think he'd hang it anywhere if you offered to give it to him, boy has too many posters on his wall anyways

-he'd say that you worked too hard on it to give it away to someone so quickly

Satan

-my true love <3

-anyways

-Satan is an art enthusiast and gives me a 'try anything and everything' type of vibe

-he'd want to do one with you, he'd make a date of it and everything

-get him a cat one PLEASE!!!

-he'd probably also like one of the starry night, but cats are the top priority 👌

-he'd start to get a bit impatient over time, and a little frustrated if he makes a mistake or spills the gems everywhere

-but he has you with him, so he can easily laugh it off and go back to working on it

-especially if you're enjoying doing it with him, that's the most important part!

-he'd probably want to trade with you once you both finish with them!

Asmodeous

-Also very artistic, like Satan

-he'd comment on how you're doing

"Wow! Your hands are so steady~"

"You have such a nice concentration face!"

-all the compliments might get frustrating if you're trying to focus, but it's okay because you love him

-he'd get one to do with you once you finish your first one, he'd love the closeness of working on such a long project with you

-he is very VERY good at the placement of every gem, he does nails and makeup as well as art occasionally so it is only natural

-he wants it to be perfect

-definitely posting work in progress pics on Devilgram

-takes pics of you working for himself~ he loves the candid shots

-and of course posts the final products together once ya'll finish

-he'd let you hold onto the one you did together so you can look at it and think of him~

Beelzebub

-he'd try to eat it

-it looks like little candies

-candy goes in his mouth

-simple math

-but seriously, make sure he's not gonna eat it if you do one of these around him

-he'd try his hardest to help you out if you ask, but I don't think he has the hand-eye coordination

-like Levi, I think he'd like to watch you in silence as you work on it

-maybe do some workouts while you work?

-he'd probably want to hang it on the fridge since that's where he is a lot of the time, and the others can look at it when they're in the kitchen :)

Belphegor

-Belhpie probably wouldn't care all that much

-he'd think it's pretty, but watching you work on it is putting him to sleep

-he'd probably also want to help you with it, just so it doesn't take you too long

-he can just tell that working on it hurts your back from being hunched over for too long

-go lay down with him, it'd be much nicer, he could rub your back as you both fall asleep

-there's always tomorrow to work on it

-he'd wanna show your work to Beel once it's done

-hed also wanna hang it on one of the walls on his side of the room

Diavolo

-LET HIM DO ONE TOO

-PLEASE

-IT LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!

-he'd watch you do it, then try to learn the best ways to do one himself

-(may be projecting a little here) he wouldnt know that you could place more than one at a time

-gets well over a quarter or so of the way through before realizing the long thing at the end of the pen you can use to place multiple down at once

-he feels silly but that's okay because hes having fun!

-he'd get one for Barbs too so the three of you could work on it together during any free time you have

-Puts too much pressure while going to pick up the gems and spills them all over out of the tray

-you help him clean them up every time, and you frequently have to use tweezers to take the gems off of the spaces of the picture they spilled on

-even if it's a messy process, you both have lots of fun making them

-he'd put it on his desk in a frame if you gave him yours

-you probably gave it to him as compensation for his messed up one

-shows it off every chance he gets

Barbatos

-if he sees that you're struggling with your project, he'd take over for a bit to show you the best way to do it

-he's like an annoying art teacher that keeps correcting your project when you didn't ask for it

-it's fine though, just tell him you don't need help and he'll respectfully leave you to your work

-he'd make you tea and snacks while you work if you're someone like me who gets too absorbed in your work to take a break

-also would massage your shoulders while idly talking with you about whatever topics your conversation leads

-he'd organize the bags of gems for you, makes sure everything is neat and tidy weather or not you ask for it

-if you wanted to give it to him, he'd happily set it up somewhere visible in the castle

Simeon

-Ugh!

-he'd love watching you work on it!

-he thinks its so pretty how it comes together and becomes so vibrant!

-he'd go and get several to bring up to the celestial realm

-he'd love working on them outside in the light of the celestial realm because of how shiny they are!

-he'd definitely hide things from you just to mess with you

-you need a certain color? Simeon has it in his pocket

-you set your tool down to do something else? He's grabbed it

-will give it back if you kiss him~ he promises <3

-he'd cherish it forever if you gave it to him when you're done!

Solomon

-he'd use magic to mess with you

-inverting the colors, making the colors the same, placing them on the spots for you with magic

-TELL HIM TO STOP

-the fossil has no right

-anyways hes like Simeon with the prank pulling

-he'd stop once you tell him and will revert the changes, then would go back to watching you peacefully as you work

-would be so so happy if you gave it to him, he'd brag to the others that you gave him such a personal and intricate gift

-he's gonna get killed by the others some way or anthother

-but that's fine

-he loves toying with death

[eleven441]

The Story 1 🤍💙❤️

Cody Rhodes x Eleven story.

First of all i wanna say congrats to Rhodes once again. And all Roman reigns fans are pathetic why are you crying. You know he couldn't be champion forever. Y'all can stay mad.

Meh he's leaving meh this meh that, can't he do something normal like you know , finally starting a tag team, you know winning the tag titles. Join a Battle royal emg Andrea the Giant. Can win Money in the bank idk.

Stuff like that , it's fun. But noooo no championship you just leave anyway it's giving petty vibes.

He's now as good as someone like Ricochet, or Kofi Kingston. The Underdog never had a problem. I LOOOOOVVVVED THE UNDERDOG. But ever since he became the tribal chief and had brown eyes.... Ugh.

Soo to the story....

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

So in this story Cody is 28, Jey 25 and Seth 26.

Cody still has brown hair. And Seth black.

Ok umm

Me

🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣🟣

Hi my name is Eleven I'm 25 and i am one of the biggest WWE superstars yet. I live with my brother Jey Uso🙄. With his friends Cody and Seth. And also with my best friend Becky. In a real big house.

I have another brother named Jimmy you know his stage name. But we don't live with him, due to some "personal reasons". We've been going through alotta ups and downs in the Anoa'i family. We'll get into that later.

Jey is an annoying Wild Card , who could be bothering me for no reason. He just comes and takes my chips. He uses my equipment without asking and he is always yelling.

Seth is very toxic in a funny way. He is always making these offensive jokes in serious situations like at funerals. He is a real foodie, i stash up the whole pantry and fridge with food, next morning poof it's gone.

Then we have Cody...Coooodeeey ......CO-D

Umm yeah we don't talk at all I don't even think he likes me. I guess i can't tell because whenever we're in the same room. It's just an akward silence. I am kinda crushing on him especially when he walks in without a shirt. But i ignore my feelings and let it slide.

...

Today Jey and Seth were out running errands for this week's upcoming SmackDown. I was in the gym busting my ass off. Cody was with me, but he was like literally on the other side of the room. It was total akward silence from there.

All he said coming in was a quiet hi. Then he went to his business. What weirded me out the most is how I could feel eyes on me. I felt bright blue eyes on my skin and for some reason it stung. I decided to ignore it and lift some weights but i was failing.

My brother Jey usually gives me a spot. But now that he ain't here it's gonna be hard. I wasn't expecting anything from Cody at all.

"Y-You need help with that?"i heard his soft voice gently echoing from the other side of the room. I was in shock just thinking of what Cody said. "Umm yeah yeah" i answered back. He came over to me snd stood behind me, to help me lift. The idea of squatting Infront of him made me uncomfortable.

He made sure i didn't hurt myself. ".....25! Woof that was one work out!" I said. "Thanks" i said softly fluttering my eyes. He smirked at me , with sparkling eyes. "Don't mention it" with that he walked off into the distance.

Thursday....

Seth , Jey, Cody and i went ot waffle house to have breakfast. Once we were there we so a real fat guy tryna get through the doors. "HEY! WHY DON'T YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!!" Seth yelled. "Seth!" Jey and i hissed. All Cody did was chuckle, and shake his head then went through the other side of the door.

I had to answer a call from an Unknown number

Hello?

Oh hi, Elé....

Who the fuck , is this?

Liv Morgan ofcourse

(Ugh bitch)

Why the living fuck do you want?

Nothing , nothing, just let Jey know his time is almost up.

Leave my brother alone.!!!!! Hello he-hello?

Ugh i put my phone in my pocket and entered.

Seth and Jey were sitting next to each other. Which left me with Cody... He looke at me with a small smile and bright eyes. I sat next to him knowing it was ok.

Seth and Jey went to order and now Cody and i were left alone. That fat giy came back and bardged through the doors , he had a cake, sadly the hit the floor him too.... "NOOOOOOO , I WAS GONNA EAT THAT" He said , i could bear Seth laughing from the counter.

"Well you don't see that every day"Cody finally said with a small smile. "Yeah"i added on."We don't talk much"Cody said softly. "Yeah , we really don't...." I responded.

"would you like to join me at SmackDown"he asked.I eas surprised. "Yes , id love too" i smiled. "I love you" he whispered."What?" I asked. "Umm i want stew" he said.

After that Jey n Seth came with our food.

I guess i wasn't meeting Bianca and Naomi on their segment. Oh well ...

Story continues...

@alyyaanna @codyrhodesnet-blog @jeyusos-girl @wwe

[yveni]

Just a vent, sort of?

Idk but long post incoming, I just felt like rambling.

So, I had to take a few days to step away from this blog. I was spiraling, and I was spiraling quick, I needed the time to find peace with God and with myself again. I hadn’t realized just how attached I have become to this show, and the cancellation news hit me more than any other show has (I was there for Julie and the Phantoms and Anne With An E, I love both shows, but boy oh boy apparently not like this.) After many bouts of weeping and anger, I was reminded again that Jesus is the only thing that’s everlasting (if you didn’t notice the ‘follower of Christ’ thing on my page, surprise?? I guess). Anyway, I was down bad for a bit there. 

This story, the whole Lockwood and Co family, has become my favorite book series and favorite TV show. I’ve never been able to confidently say something is my favorite without changing my mind every 10 seconds. 

This is the most involved in a fanbase I think I have ever been. I’m writing again! And it’s not just fics, I’m now approximately 3 chapters and many random snippets into the book/comic I’ve been planning on making since I was 14! This show sparked up my creativity again, and I think I’ll always hold it special to me because of that.

And I’m not giving up on it! The little bit that I have been on social media the past few days, I have seen everyone fighting for the show!! I left some random comments on instagram, letting people know about the watch party, posted the drawing I did of Lucy to my art instagram, where I try to not post fanart, but maybe someone will watch the show because of it. 

Something fun I’m discovering about myself is that I am stubborn, and I fight pretty hard for things. This fanbase is fighting super hard too, I see it, I’m pretty positive the people we need to see it are going to see it too. I haven’t given up hope yet, and I’m really glad others haven’t either. Joe Cornish’s post about it (the one where he lists all the proof of how well it did) makes me think he hasn’t given up either, idk why, it’s just the vibes. 

Whatever happens, I am so glad to see us fight like this. I’m glad that Jonathan Stroud can see just how much love there is for his characters, I’m glad the actors can see how amazing we all think they did. 

I’m glad I decided to get involved in this fanbase. It’s been a whole lot of fun. The fics, the headcanons, the fanart, the HUMOR, y’all, I love everybody so much. 

If you’re like me, and you’ve been doing a whole lot of crying, don’t forget to drink water. Everyone, please take time to take care of yourself too, it’s important.

Also, don’t forget about the watch party!! May 20-21st!!!! Top 10 is the goal, but how great will it be to dethrone Queen Charlotte??? I want to see Anthony Lockwood’s face at that number one spot again, he deserves it (and we all know he loves it there). If Bridgerton can find its way back into the Top 10 with no new season, so can we.

Um, vent over, God bless.

[sylvies-chen]

Hi hello!! I would love to see your top 5 chenford picks and why so considered me an anon 👀

HAHAHA AWWW thank you!! I loved all your picks especially because I’d totally forgotten about Crowded Heart by Samuel Jack and I loved that song when the episode first aired! And then I started thinking about what 5 songs my brain has decided to permanently associate with Chenford and I just really wanted to give it a go so thank “anon” *wink wink nudge nudge etc.* So here they are, in no particular order!

THE ONLY EXCEPTION BY PARAMORE

“So we should just keep going the way we have been then, it’s not… worth the risk…?” “Unless it is” TELL ME THIS LINE ISN’T THIS SONG PERSONIFIED like when Hayley Williams sings “And up until now I’d sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness ‘cause none of it was ever worth the risk but you are the only exception” with her whole paramussy I’M GONNA MAKE IT A CHENFORD SONG. PERIOD.

GROW INTO LOVE BY HALF MOON RUN

Half Moon Run is such an underrated band and this song of theirs is like the quintessential slowburn song. Like the first line is “Yes I know what it means to have six year behind us and waiting” mhm yeah it’s slowburn. And it’s angsty too?? It mentions sirens??? Like idk the vibes just give Chenford to me.

SNOW ON THE BEACH BY TAYLOR SWIFT

Now listen. I’m convinced that Swift girlie writes songs specifically for Chenford because there are so many that fit them really well. But I’m also a firm believer in something I’ve created that I like to call the Taylor Trifecta Theorem: that you can only pick three songs that really and truly sum up a fictional ship, and any more is just overkill because her songs are so malleable. But I’ll save that speil for another post. Anyway, I think since it’s still impossible to sum up Chenford’s journey with one Taylor song, they are firmly in their Snow On The Beach era!! They are just such a snow ship. They give off the same energy as snow falling. Some don’t. They do. So there.

KISS ME BY ED SHEERAN

I’m not the biggest fan of Ed Sheeran’s music like I think he’s kind of fallen off but his old stuff hits so hard and this song is EVERYTHINGGGG. It’s slow and the soft bass just gives me such Chenford vibes because their moments and kisses and even their angst this season has felt really soft??? Like they are so much gentler than I ever imagined and this song makes me think about that until I cry a little lol…

PARACHUTE BY KYNDAL INSKEEP

Listen, if I hadn’t attached this song to Chenford I don’t even think I would love it that much??? It wouldn’t be one of my favs on its own, that’s all I’ll say. But I saw an edit of them to this song once and it was so phenomenal that it altered my brain chemistry and I just had to download the song and think of them every time I hear it. It’s SO THEM. (Seriously, go watch the edit. It’s amazing.)

[icelogged]

accidentally unfollowed while sending this ask lol anyways

https://www.autostraddle.com/75-ken-dolls-ranked-by-lesbianism-383518/

that's the one i posted (not a huge fan of the mermaid ken text idk what they wanted to say) but :)

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

thanks for sharing!!! i decided to react to every single one as well! and had so much fun doing it— did some extra research ;3cc 🔬 ;3c too ;3

i actually read an article like this before, it was only regarding the reboot kens and they referred to them as male exes or men you see on dating apps i think? anyways this article is better imo

so all of them could be my ex gf because i’m horrible and greedy and think everyone in the whole wide world is gorgeous no take backs

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ = the ones i could hypothetically crush, date, etc rn

long post as there are 75 kendalls :3

75. i love her!!!! i’d love to see a same sex pair skating competition!! yuri on ice ;3 *bad joke booing*

74. my funky 90s gyal pal. there is an actual lesbian out there who wore this in the 90s. she is now someone’s cool lesbian aunt.

73. depop legend who could collab with the sims 4 type of girl. i can see us being friends :3

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 72. oh no, i can see now.. probably would have a meet cute moment in the library 💔 i would have such a bad crush on this kendall. i feel like there could be shared attraction but she’d end up not liking my personality :(

71. erm rude! i’d give her a chance, fusion music can be cool. hope she’s into sharing sweaters with friends and lovers because that looks comfy. and her band / group looks so fun!! loving the hair on the dolls of colour!!!

70. i know her and her wife! they have that really cool couple swag! anyways i babysit their kids

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 69. 2000s tomboy…💍…

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 68. we met a free optional donation ticket community centre event for showcasing people who customize their clothing or make their own stuff from scratch. she’s going to a, in her words “crappy art school” but at least she has access to a studio. that’s where she made her sweater ? bomber jacket ? they sell pretty well on instagram

67. “Cameron: She’d def welcome you to the neighborhood with a jell-o creation. maybe a casserole”. literally

66. 2000s lesbian celebrity’s gf ?

65. weird femme icon. my girlie pop. if lesbians had fag hags i’d be one for her.

64. we have beef though even though we’ve never had an one on one conversation ໒꒰ྀི｡-︵-꒱ྀིა she just doesn’t like my vibes i guess. i probably think her brother is ‘kinda hot’... maybe that’s why. “Says she got her outfit at Goodwill, actually got it at Urban Outfitters” <- fact

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 63. i would do anything for her, i would be so down bad… if she started info dumping about marine ecosystems i would have to propose. she’d invite me (with a group, not one on one) to every beach clean up event and i’d try very hard not to be weird. in the picture used on the organizers’ instagram i’d be standing beside her and blushing really hard and i’d look back on that picture and laugh at myself :’3…. not sure if she could love me though.. i don’t think my feelings would be reciprocated at all. i am imagining her in her early to mid 30s for some reason? anyways she doesn’t date too far outside of her age range to begin with so my chance were not to nothing anyways. when i’m finally over her and tell that i had a crush on her she’s surprised because she had no idea but literally everyone else and their mom knew. wow really got into this one! um…. i really like bodies of water so

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 62. if i ever date— she’s either going to be the ex that ruined my life or my life partner. all i know is the good times would be really good. i feel like she’d respect me in a way others do not for some reason.

61. omg is that kurt kunkle in his hype beast fit?

60. i love her books / favourite author

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 59. im not worthy /lh

58. our circles wouldn’t cross

57. she looks fun and like she has the sweetest heart ever. she gives me city only girl vibes so we’d just be mutuals that compliment each other very enthusiastically

56. lesbians… should try that fit.. everyone should try that fit….

55. i don’t know. i need to know more about her. i feel she’d wanna go to edm music festivals and that isn’t really my scene. probably has a popular ig or tumblr for being hot and getting more masc people to wear crop tops again

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 54. “Even your grandmother who was only so-so about you dating women loves Dr. Ken. Like your whole family is so obsessed with Dr. Ken that they don’t even care that she’s not Jewish and they’re like, hang on to this one, don’t fuck it up! And you’re like YEAH I KNOW as if having a perfect girlfriend isn’t stressful enough already” LITERALLY. plus she has a kid ? or we have a kid???? hi tommy you angel! 🤍🤍🤍 id be the luckiest little thing under the sun. like she’s the best. ms. treat you right. i cannot stress this is the best lover you’ll ever have. also i get the vibe that i’d be her princess :3

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 53. NEED HER. two vibes that’s just her or that’s her drag king persona either is good.

52. i feel like she’d decide she wouldn’t be into me at first glance and or find me annoying

51. “Ken has a house in Saratoga mostly decorated with stuff she picked up in New Mexico when she lived there for a minute back in the ’80s. She’s very sweet and inquisitive and she has two large dogs she loves to pieces but you know what now that you mention it, she never really liked camping as much as the other girls did. Another love would be women’s music, of course”. agree 🤍

50. that’s her service animal actually. i feel like we’d be really good friends or at least enjoy working on our photography together.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 49. “Art Director Ken is an asshole to everybody except you and her entire apartment is white and spotless even though she has a dog. She takes you to cool events—”. and no, i don’t have a crush on the dog walker— i am the dog walker in this scenario. we had a good time together but it couldn’t last because of the whole rude to people thing. i can imagine her being bitchy to someone in food service and then i’d just loose it and it would be over.

48. “Valerie: She started an all-female Warblers in protest of the original and they only sing songs made famous by men but they don’t change the pronouns”. never met her but i watch her group on youtube <333

47. old butch and that is a picture of when she was my age that she showed me on her really comfy couch

46. need more information, for some reason i’m getting nothing but the one earring is working on me

45. weren’t we all Cool Lookin’ Ken at one point in our lives

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 44. i’m in love with her. whether the pants are “zip off at the knee” or not is very important. we want want answers mattel !

43. of course Jasika Nicole has a wife. how did i not know that

42. i want to watch whatever film she’s in. give me a lesbian western pls

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 41. ok i lied the first time. actually i need her. need to be in the same room as her. i’d actually want my feelings to be reciprocated by her. i want to hold her hand at backyard experimental art showings. we met at a showing of a film by some gay boy in film school who i thought was hot. the film was good. i think he could be a household name some day but he’s like anti-industry and wants to stay underground so i’m like why spend money film school then? later Adventure Ken tells me his parents are loaded so that explains that. anyways we road trip a lot together i hope we’re in love.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 40. “She goes by her Roller Derby name on Facebook because she doesn’t want her toxic stepfather to find her. She’s a really loyal friend and a downright incredible girlfriend and always puts safety first”. agreed. roller derby girl ! you are my world !

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 39. …you know what i’m going say… not be fooled i don’t have ‘types’ (grew out of that quickly, thank you horrible situations) but yeah just look like some older girlbrother in a 2000s or 2010s show and at the very least i’d want to cuddle with you :/ anyways i hope we’re seeing a horror movie on our date and i hope she’s real

38. “Jenna: yeah she’s always the sensitive one when she and her friends pretend to be a boy band” we couldn’t have that fun we’re friends but with undertone of romance vibe i like to have with my friends because she’d catch feelings feelings and i wouldn’t reciprocate because i have crush one of the other girls in the boy band. “boi band” sounds so 2013 to me maybe 2011? 2012?

37. one of the new ones! “Cameron: you think she’s gonna tell you about how we live in a post-gender, post-racial society but she surprises you by being super woke & you’re totally disarmed & you kind of hate yourself for it” <- this description is too good and too real. i’d see her at a gsa and go oh god she’s probably calls herself an activist online but she’s going to make weird comments about my heritage— but she’s actually on the ground and literally making changes in the community. also she has two dads that have been on the ground since they knew they could and instilled so much love and wisdom into their daughter. and i smack myself all the time about it because i thought i stopped judging people. anyways she has a fiancé who is pregnant, they very happy. i am invited to the baby shower but not the wedding. anyways i baked them stuff and got good at fibre art just make sure my handmade shower gifts were good enough. might be an uncle or godmother after all this.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 36. “Dufrau: She seems very attentive
Stef: Bringing you sodas
putting on some mood music
even answering your phone
Molly: ‘hey babe i saw your twitter rants today and picked up some calming lavender bath bombs’” ✅✅

35. we all know her. either your friend’s ex or cousin. after she grows out of her fuckboy phase she really cool and neat

34. she’s on the food network and when you saw her at 9 years old you were like whoa. her instagram is so golden because she has really nice pictures of food, her wife and family— pets included!

33. “Ken just got to Los Angeles from Missouri and before moving had really only ever hooked up with straight girls (there was like this whole THING in high school). She isn’t looking for a relationship, but she keeps falling in love with incredible women / making out with strangers at The Abbey / not knowing what to do with all these new feelings” yes she also thirst traps a lot

32. “Dufrau: She dated two of my best friends sophomore year of college and ive never forgiven her for her behavior
Sarah: Cutie Fashionista Ken is the first time you get a dyke spike after listening to Viz by Le Tigre
Cameron: Cutie Fashionista Ken kept trying to be the Shane of the friend group” literally, enough said

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 31. i made her that shirt don’t laugh. she approached me, idk why but i was really surprised she liked me. anyways we’re really happy. i’m SO thankful she has an apartment. we have picturesque mornings.

30. “This is a lesbian who usually dresses on the masc side but always femmes it up for a thematic dance”. literally so much fun. friend met her and now we’re all buds. her parents are literally saints and her grandmother is always feeding me.

29. she’s obviously taken. anyways they’re the rich lesbian couple at the tennis club.

28. ??? i am missing a reference here?

27. another cool celebrity lesbian’s wife

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 26. “Jenna: she likes to cuddle
Dufrau: she has a great haircut” hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii home dates with her are bliss. her mom thinks i’m really pretty and our relationship helps her unlearn homophobic and transphobic opinions. me and her dad have something in common, like a silly quirk or hobby, favourite thing etc. he’s also a closet bisexual. when Hip Hoodie Ken and i move into together her dad comes out. by then her mom is chill and is the first check the homophobic aunties when try and say something about her daughter or husband.

25. had a crush on her when i was 11. thought she was so cool ! my favourite camp counsellor ever !! can play the guitar and does silly songs at the campfire and has that “let’s give all to god tonight” christian lesbian swag during chapel. charismatic angel. met her girlfriend at church.

24. haven’t seen this barbie movie and don’t plan to. i agree with mey— “Mey: No that’s rainbow dash the lesbian pony from my little pony”

23. i know who gigi but idk who nats is. anyways these barbies are giving lesbian influencer couple. searched them up— so they were a lesbian influencer couple at the time of this article. omg gigi is married slay! t4t love wins

22. curious about her, need more info

21. “Dufrau: She hosts a children’s show but adults watch because she is so soothing” yes and she is her city’s children’s pride marshal. mother of 3. her wife is like a cook? food ? influencer. like she cooks really yummy looking stuff and is huge on social media and is sometimes a guest judge on cooking shows. maybe she’ll get a netflix cooking show deal soon

20. i need that belt more than her

19. “Cameron: this is the outfit my friend wore to her bachelorette party. i’m not joking” so true. again we know or have seen this lesbian.

18. her family is crazy but they have money. she’s lowkey classist and ableist :///

17. good for them i guess

16. i saw this one in walmart “Cameron: this is just every summer gay.”

15. “Cameron: also every summer gay
Jenna: I feel like cali-cool said she would call you back, but she definitely didn’t call you back. And even though you didn’t really WANT her to call you back, it’s the principle of the thing”. yuh

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 14. i know her! she makes her own cider it’s so good. she’s really good at gifting people. she likes soup. i like wrapping her in blankets and giving her hot chocolate. we could 100% kiss and fall in love.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 13. “Cameron: she helped me find a book i was looking for a gender studies research paper & suggested something better”. looking! for! her!

12. “Art Director Ken #2 is also an asshole but you deal with it ’cause she always gets bottle service for the table and has lots of stories about Closeted Power Lesbian parties in Palm Springs that happened in the late ’80s / early ’90s and she’s your only source regarding the possibility of Jada Pinkett-Smith being bisexual” only that one of my friends is dating her and that’s how i get the tea

11. “Cameron: She lost her snapback on a rollercoaster at Universal Studios. Will not let you forget it” <-

10. “Mey: Big brother ken is def a hot lesbian mom
Jenna: yeah, and she also owns a subaru
Mey: She ignores Sarah Pfefferman at PTA meetings” yuh!💞💞💞

9. 2010s lesbian character on abc(?)

8. “This outfit cost $400” true and i could literally get for $35 with the most expensive part being the shoes that i got a charity shop. the rest i got from walmart. anyways i’m making her autistic for some reason but we can’t be friends because she spent $400 dollars on that outfit.

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 7. :::/ *ignores that* ANYWAYS like i’ve let it slip i’m a fresh water mermaid but she looks more salt water </3 star crossed lovers

6. THIS IS LITERALLY SOMEONE’S EX THAT I KNOW OH MY GOD ITS LITERALLY [REDACTED] LOLLLLLLLLL. it was the lesbian divorce of the century [break up they weren’t actually married]

꒰აꨄ︎໒꒱ 5. also know her. we are mutuals on this very tumblr. and btw she’s SO tired of the villainization of southern [us]americans

4. wow nothing else needs to be said. molly is repping that Barbie Dreamhouse Ken swag

3. i remember this one very clearly for some reason. congratulations jenna for being Distressed Denim Ken (2017). maybe the kens were the lesbians we met along the way.

2. LOL i’m obsessed with the side by side lesbian matching. Hi Riese’s gf!

1. i loved reading about the design and creation process of this ken in particular! even looked for it online. idk if i’d actually buy the doll but yeah. “Alaina: “Did they consult Brittani Nichols for this doll? Because this doll is Brittani Nichols.” factual

and this was so fun thank you em <3

i looked at the related articles and found this gem ! real gaydies showing how we are all just lesbian ken

i’m not going go through each because those are real people and i feel like that would be kinda creepy BUT hello to “Lisa / 54 / Professor / Pittsburgh, PA” and Hillary “Scald Eagle” is such a cool name! everyone SERVED ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 i am still recovering. the comment section has really good stuff too :’3

as an aside i’ve now learned that there are a lot of lesbian teachers in the world. maybe education will be saved…

anyways thanks again for this i had so much fun !

[kitalphahart]

I'm 30 now

idk how to do a readmore so suffer with a long post

Wild. So, I'm a homeowner, have been for bit over a year. Became one through circumstances most would never get. Managing all the bills. Somehow. Two cats. Dad is surprised at the amount of stuff I have that was basically all crammed into one small room (all the rooms are about 12x12, renovated schoolhouse, so the measurements aren't exact) that's still in the process of being put up around the house. Which still has a ton of mom's books and yarn. That stuff has been consolidating into one room, piece by piece, but that's getting full now. People think I'm 16, unless I'm at work. Then it's 20-22, depending on if they realize I've been here nearly 4 years. Will hit four years in a week. Cancer free 11 years. Haircut about eight years overdue. People think I'm a boy/man on occasion, which is absolutely hilarious and I'm okay with it. Online I apparently give off confusing vibes for gender, cuz I've seen the common ones used for me. Though I really don't care which one is used. I live in a red area of a blue state that's happy about the state of things. If only it meant that my mortgage would go down. Or my paycheck up. Or both. But I'm aroace, sooooooooooo...

I am an adult. I have no idea what I am doing. I make shitty comics and post them on Tapas so they're organized and I don't have to spend money on my own site. I technically have eight people following the main one, but I know there's more who follow but aren't members, despite one of the goals for the comic (site-provided) is 25 subscribers. I might have that but alas the lack of non-guest readers makes that hard to tell. My other comic has been on hiatus for a while, I might bring it back with 1.6 being out. It's early enough that the green rain, new comments, etc haven't shown up yet. The comic is still early spring though, the parsnips are still growing. I'm ignoring heart requirements for heart events in the comic

I have three (half) siblings. One hasn't spoken to me or our dad in 6+ years and has a story that has his entire family blocking him and me off. She got married and we found out via a phone call with dad's mother, who was shocked to hear that neither of us got invited. I saw her after learning but before she got married. Should've said something about hoping she enjoyed her wedding without her own father and sister but didn't think of it. Oh well. Dad and I have a guess as to why but if she really got that mad over her kid getting a five foot plushie then that's her loss. He loved it

My other sister doesn't talk to me, doesn't ask about me, and I block her online. Barring facebook, where I haven't posted in years anyway, but I've at least got her unfollowed. After I bear cancer she got weirdly insistent that I be an adult and stand up for myself and get a job and a car and all that. I still don't get why. She got mad when I did stand up for myself...against her. She went whining to dad (her stepdad) and he pointed out that I did as she wanted, so she shouldn't be mad. She can either have me as an obedient child or a grown adult with my own life that doesn't bend to her will. She decided that cutting me out was better. I'm good with that. Her kids are growing up in bubblewrap and her oldest is grafted to his iPad. He still lost it at an airport, only to get it replaced about two weeks later. And she wonders why her family never has money, despite constant begging and both her and her husband having decent paying jobs. She spends faster than she has money. She spends money she doesn't have. She spends money she expects to get from events that never occur and then panics when they don't happen. She demanded that I buy her a Nintendo Switch. In front of our parents. I told her no. Games on occasion, or recommendations, sure, but she can get the console herself. I don't think she ever did. I had a summer job and that's it at the time

My brother is dealing with divorce. They never were married. Not long enough for common law, never referred to each other as husband and wife, and the state doesn't accept such marriages as legal anyway. But he's going through a divorce with a woman who wants their daughters to herself and is trying to wear him down into submission. He's finally standing up to her instead. Court is just seeing that she's unstable and what little time she does have with them is gonna shrink. He's the custodial parent. The oldest is skeptical of her mother and has been calling out the bullshit. She also is in therapy cuz she has to parent her sisters while with her mother and the shift between being parentified and being a kid keeps throwing her out of whack. The middle has been bought out with the (cheap, used, no numbers) phone and kitten. Youngest idk, she's shy, and I don't hear much from or about her. I'm guessing somewhere in the middle

Anyway, back to Stardew Valley

[idledreams4]

not my brain out here associating my f/os with songs that do not match their usual vibe.

We've already heard my Curses inspired au with Negan

But would you have expected a Hayloft II inspired au where I was with Carl?

Bet you didn't. Or maybe you did. Don't know, don't really care.

But there's a reason it's Hayloft II. Just works better than the first one lol. Though the first one can maybe tie in with the long ass backstory I wrote here? Idk, up for you to decide.

So in this AU I'm with the group from the start, like before Rick ran into Glenn and the others in the city. I was just a kid, a few years older than Carl. Even though I'm barely a teenager myself I came to see him and Sophia as little siblings in a way. With the group being so tight-knit it would be hard not to want to look out for them.

After we lose Sophia I get more protective over Carl. And I think the others can see the way that he kind of clings to me, despite also insisting he doesn't need anyone's protection.

Rick and Lori appreciate it, having someone willing to keep an eye on him when they can't. Lori of course has known me for a longer time than Rick, who I think would be hesitant to trust me, but she assures him that I've been a good help and whatnot since the group found me and helps him come around.

But, for the most part, the group doesn't really see how close Carl and I get. If they do, they haven't said anything.

One night, after the group has been on the farm for a little while, we get the oh so brilliant idea to sneak up to the loft in the barn. Just because of Carl's age at this point in the show, I'm going to say we weren't explicitly intending to sneak up there to have sex. Make out or whatever? Sure. We're just curious kids having a little innocent fun. Anyway, back to the story. We never actually make it into the loft, because just as we come around the end of the barn we see Maggie and Glenn, arguing in hushed voices about something. I try to pull Carl back before they can see us, but I'm too slow, and Glenn turns his head.

There are some questions obviously, such as why we aren't asleep and what we were doing

I take the lead, claiming we just wanted to explore the loft

Glenn and Maggie both say we can't, and Glenn is about to inform us of the walkers when Maggie cuts him off and simply says a lot of the boards are rotten and need to be fixed, it wouldn't be safe for anyone to go up there. So we get turned around and sent back to bed.

From here things progress more or less the same as the show, there's just an extra kid with the group now. Considering I'm stuck to Carl's side like glue, I'm with him when the farm gets overrun and we all get split up.

Everything at the prison is the same, I'm lucky enough that I do not get sick.

I think it would be interesting if, for the sake of drama, I was one of the people The Governor takes hostage when he threatens the prison.

Pretty sure the gang gets split up AGAIN after the prison gets overrun. Once again I stay with Carl no matter what.

By now I think everyone in the group is aware that mine and Carl's relationship has become more romantic. Rick is, of course, not thrilled.

all the Terminus bs happens. Same people live. I'm not really writing an au, I'm just putting myself in the story lol

And then, at last, we make it to Alexandria Safe Zone

I feel like there was some steps I missed in there but idc

We're in Alexandria now

Only difference here is that now Carl already has a girlfriend (me) so we both become friends with Enid and whoever else was in that little friend group he had for the first little bit

The hoard still threatens us and everything, we rebuild, blah blah blah. Let's get to the good part, shall we? The Saviors.

Because Carl and I are inseparable, I'm part of the group that gets more or less taken hostage in the woods. I don't 100% recall if Carl was with the group trying to get Maggie to Hilltop, or if he was with the latter group, but either way: I'm with him.

When he threatens Carl it becomes obvious to him pretty quickly that we're together, so some taunting and even more threats get thrown around. You all know how Negan is.

Then fast forward just a bit: the one time I'm not with Carl, he sneaks into The Sanctuary. I'm at Rick's house, worrying about the fact he isn't back from whatever he was supposed to be doing and cursing myself for not going with him.

Don't get me wrong, I love Olivia, she's lovely and I appreciate everything she does for Alexandria, but for my own personal reasons (a massive, and not at all secret, crush on Negan) I'm slightly rewriting the parts with her. She still has her same job and everything, for "plot" reasons I'm just having her ask me to cover for her for a few hours and Negan happens to show up with Carl in that time. Instead of making me cry he gets me pissed the fuck off, and then makes the comment about screwing my brains out while we wait for Rick (with a very last minute addition of "you are 18, right?"), and believe me when I tell you that simply slapping him in the face takes an immeasurable amount of self-restraint

Fast forward through the war developing

We get to the bombing of Alexandria

Ooooh boy

Carl already got me to safety, I'm helping get the others situated, and then he comes in stumbling and clutching at his abdomen and my heart drops

And THAT is all exposition to the part Hayloft II actually inspired. I gotta give the backstory you know?

Carl kills himself, as we know, and I snap.

I blame Rick for the whole thing, cause the war was his fault, and I knew Carl had this vision of a peaceful future. As much as I wanted that for him, for us, now that he was gone I was just seeing red.

So I take off, in the middle of the night when nobody is going to notice. I take of the few cars Alexandria has and I head straight for The Sanctuary.

I make it known I'm unarmed and demand to speak to Negan. The dead all around the gates may as well not even be there. I'm so caught up in my revenge fantasy that all I can think about is taking Rick the fuck down.

An understandably pissed Negan comes out to meet me. Like he keeps saying though he's a reasonable guy, so he hears me out, and while he knows I'll make a good soldier he also makes it abundantly clear that I cannot let my rage control me while I'm fighting for him.

Anyway so to address the song:

Whatever happened to the young, young lovers? [Carl and I]

One got shot and the other got lost in drugs and punks and blood on the street. Blood, blood on her knees, bloody history [Carl killed himself, and I "lost" myself in the violence of the saviors]

Whatever happened to the hayloft? Burnt to the ground [literally the hayloft on the Greene farm. Enough said]

and what about Pop? He took his ass back to the crack shack with his long johns on, singing that old song:

My baby's got a gun, my baby's got a gun

My baby's got a gun, I better run

My baby's got a gun, it goes

Boom, boom, crack, ga-ga-ga-ga, boom, boom [this now switches to Rick's pov with me fighting against him. He spies me on the "battlefield" at some point, and in this AU I actually get to kill him. The end of S8, where The Saviors would have won if Eugene hadn't fucked them over? Yeah in my version I at least actually get functioning rounds and I take Rick out before he can slit Negan's throat.]

An eye for an eye, a leg for a leg [I literally just decided as I was writing this that my last words to Rick are "an eye for an eye"]

A shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak. She really didn't wanna make it messy. She really, really didn't, but the girl gone cray [I never wanted it to end this way, I wanted Carl's vision, but Rick just wouldn't listen so here we are.]

[howdy-is-canon]

ok SO…………… imagine a world where howard and andy met while howard and carolyn were still together.

we have to think about the stage of howard's life that he was in at this time: he does NOT know that he's aro OR ace, so, uh, this changes a lot already because beforehand, he had already split up with carolyn, and had realised he was aroace, prior to meeting andy, which is why he ends up helping andy to realise his identity also. this doesn't necessarily need to change cuz howard can still realise hes aroace, break up with carolyn, and thru discussions and coming to terms with it himself, this would still help andy to come to the same conclusion about himself. i do think it's harder for andy to figure it out for himself considering he's not been in a relationship as such, ever, so it's one of those, “maybe i haven't found the right person” or “maybe i just need to experience it to understand” things… 

anyway let us consider the DYNAMICS here because…. much to consider here… it does resemble a sort of love triangle, if we're gonna be typical and romantic, but i feel this situation is neither of those things, so, lol. this is a dude in a relationship with a friend he's never been attracted to out of a feeling of obligation, realising he's a whole other orientation, ending it, and simultaneously building a friendship with someone else, and over a course of months to years coming to realise the kind of relationship that would work for him that happens to be with this guy. not like, sorry carolyn, i met someone else. lol. it would have ended regardless.

so anyway… probably howard DOES tell carolyn like, oh i trained up someone new today, he's called andrew, he seems nice but terrified. carolyn probably jokes about howard being the one to scare him, on account of his :| vibes, and howard admits he wasn't thrilled to have to train someone and it may have come across at first but he decided he likes this guy and hopes he didnt make him feel bad……… 🥺 

so two things are happening here: howard and andy are building a friendship, goofing around, laughing about carrot pants; and howard and carolyn are. i dunno. not doing that. i think they've been getting on fine but everything kind of immediately changed when they went from friends to “dating” and he felt pressure to be a certain kind of person to her now, what is a boyfriend, what do boyfriends do, am i being affectionate enough, etc. which he kind of blamed on Society or something at first before he realised most people WANT to do those things and aren't secretly lamenting them. and, gasp, that's why they form romantic relationships. 

AND. okay this feels bad. but when i was with tom i never mentioned him to people. my family obviously knew and i did sometimes talk about him, but not much, and mostly for functional purposes lol. i remember i was working at pearson the year i met louie when me and tom broke up, and i remember telling tom about louie, but i couldnt bring myself to say the word “boyfriend” out loud so i never mentioned tom to louie LOL uhh……. i can see howard just never really bringing up that he has a girlfriend until they break up. tbh. and probably he's acting spaced out at work after it happens, and andy's like, hey what's up. and howard is like umm. it's hard to explain.

and he's probably like. idk if they talk about it AT work, maybe andy asks howard at lunch or, when they're just standing around at some point lol. somewhere a little more private ya know, in the back. i know how supermarkets work……… and howard's like ok so…… i was kind of… in a relationship… i know it's probably weird that i didnt mention it before now, but it's because, umm. okay, this is gonna sound crazy, (it's fine, says andy) but, ok, we were friends in school, right, and i don't really know why that changed, because i don't think i ever actually saw her as anything else, but, i mean it was her that… expressed an interest… and i guess i just went along with it ‘cause that's how it goes, or so i thought, and it's a bit stupid really ‘cause we were actually really good friends until then. and like, i don't know if we will be again. now. ‘cause, fair enough, she didn’t take it very well.

andy: what did you tell her…?

howard: dunno, i just fuckin’, uh, had a mental breakdown or something and she kind of got the picture. (he’s kind of laughing at himself in a bemused way lol) … and then she asked me if i was gay. and i'm like, i don't fuckin’ know. i don't think i'm anything.

andy: that seems a weird thing to ask.

howard: well, okay. don't think anything of this, but, i don't make friends very often, so the fact i've brought you up a handful of times in conversation is apparently a good reason to think i've been secretly gay this whole time. which if i am, then it's a secret to me an’ all.

andy: wait, did i come up in your break-up conversation with your girlfriend?

howard: look, it's her that brought it up. (he kinda shrugs and holds his hands up here)

andy: no, it's fine, just… (i think andy is trying not to laugh here. very serious conversation.) it feels a bit like i'm part of a love triangle or something. 

howard: yeah, ya homewrecker. it's all your fault.

andy: i will not be held responsible for this!

howard: nah. it would've ended anyway.

andy: you're still making it sound like i had anything to do with this.

howard laughs at this. an exasperated little chuckle. i was going to say he runs a hand through his hair but this is, in fact, buzzcut era howard we're talking about. probably he just rubs his fuzzy head a bit lol.

howard: no, i know.

andy: are you doing okay, though?

howard: yeah… it's all good. thanks. sorry to bring you into it.

andy: don't be! i asked.

howard: yeah, but, just the stuff carolyn said about you.

andy: well that was her, not you. but i'd rather know about it than not.

howard: okay. fair.

i guess it trails off after this. but more conversations will be had i am sure. andy would check in with howard the next time they see each other. at some point there would be a conversation about howard's guilt over not being what carolyn wanted, and he felt “like a right dickhead” for pulling the whole it's not you it's me, thing, but it literally IS him and not her, it's what HE lacks. and andy says something about how howard doesnt owe anyone feelings he simply does not have and it's kind of absurd to think otherwise. 

as for how howard and carolyn's relationship is faring at this point — probably they've occasionally messaged each other and intended to stay friends. after the initial upset i think she does say she just had to process it and it's not his fault he feels like he does, but she doesn't understand why he ever thought it was a good idea to start going out if he never felt that way about her. he's been unpacking this himself before this conversation. he says he just liked her, and cared about her, and he thought that's what that was, and had nothing else to compare it to. he says, he doesn't want her to think he didn't care about her just because it wasn't in the right way. he's probably getting a little bit upset, a little bit agitated at this point. at the way he is. at how it just could never have worked, and it's his fault.

i actually don't know at what point the words aromantic or asexual first come up. i've had it that howard was the first one to adopt these labels, although he's less of a googler than andy, but it makes sense because stan's his brother and he's up to date on all the lingo and his friend rees is aroace don't you know. and howard does talk to stan about things. perhaps in more detail than with andy at this point since they hadn't really known each other for that long yet.

i think i still like it how it was; howard figures it out, tells andy at some point, bla bla bla, time passes. thoughts are percolating in andy's brain. months go by, he's started university, he's feeling how different he is to everyone (it's the autism, baby! get ready!), there's that thing about that guy who tries to flirt with him and he tells him he's already taken cuz he doesn't want to straight up reject the guy, and maybe a little bit for clout (he thinks, okay, well i have no friends here but at least they will know that i have someone outside of this place!)... and howard does come over a few times, and he is assumed to be the boyfriend, and i dont know yet how andy ends up explaining this one, but i think howard has a grand old time pretending to be andy's boyfriend lol. 

perhaps……… in classic sitcom fashion…… this leads to howard playing the part, putting an arm around andy, messing up his hair, giving him a widdle kiss on his widdle head 👉👈 and this is how they kind of get used to these casual touches. and maybe, just maybe, andy is SO touch-starved, and howard is kind of lamenting how these kinds of interactions seem to be exclusive content reserved only for those in romantic relationships. and maybe they talk about it a little bit. maybe they shyly admit to each other how they think it feels kinda nice. and maybe andy clarifies he's never felt any romantic feelings for anyone either, he is pretty sure, just in case howard was worried about that. and maybe the fake-dating scenario is actually the catalyst for all of Howdy. imagine that. wwooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaauuuuhkghg dying noises

also not sure how carolyn sits within all of this. i'm sure her and howard are talking a lot less, but still talking. probably they meet up now and again, as before. it seems okay, but howard probably actually finds it really hard to bring up andy, because! now i see the drama. if she realises howard and andy end up in some kind of a committed relationship, regardless of whether it's romantic or platonic or whatever the hell, i feel she may lose her mind lol. she’d probably be retrospectively filling in the blanks of what led to her and howard's ultimate demise, even though as i said, it really did not have anything to do with andy and would’ve always happened. but she would blame it on andy and think howard a liar. i imagine it could turn into a bit of a fight. she's calling him a liar and saying she felt bad for him and all this time it WAS because he met someone else. and howard is riled by this and asks WHY she felt bad for him, is it because he can't feel romantic love? does that make him worthless? is that the only thing that makes a person worth anything? 

(insert moses sumney “doomed” lyrics because im still insane about that song: if lovelessness is godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside? well i feel the peeling of half-painted ceilings reveal the covering of a blank sky)

(in fact another moses sumney lyric, from “don't bother calling”, which kind of encapsulates howard's guilt around not being enough for carolyn: i don't know what we are, but all i know is i can't go away with you with half a heart)

(i need a separate document just for moses sumney lyrics. but like. howard before he finds his little situation with andy mood, from “me in 20 years”: i'm left wondering if it's written on my urn that i'd burn alone like a star

(btw this is not howard's kind of music but i think andy would like it and i think it would absolutely murder him lyrically, and then he would show it to howard and it would murder howard as well. lol. anyway literally not relevant right now.)

umm… so maybe this is the bitter end of howard's friendship with carolyn, probably not, but at least it can never be how it was again. there is the potential for carolyn to learn and understand, but i don't know if this happens while they are friends. as i say, once howard unpacks some trauma, i think that carolyn not Getting It is not the biggest issue anymore. i think seeing her after this point would literally send him into some kind of a panic attack honestly. 

we know that at some point howard and andy decide to explore some intimate acts LOL i’m such a prude just say sex. but not really tho. they don't get very far. anyway i don't know if this is the trigger for the delayed-onset ptsd or no. i mean, probably? which means that howard and carolyn could have been friends still for several years until he simply has to cut ties with her. but perhaps it's been tapering off anyway. he's probably been feeling kind of weird about it for a long time and probably somewhere deep in the bowels of his mind he has known that he’s only been continuing their friendship to compensate for how he couldn't be the thing that she wanted, and he thinks he at least owes it to her to be a good friend. he's just like me fr.

and then… and then… i think that’s enough for now

[1d1195]

Sam my love I am so glad you’re at a slightly better point! It sucks that you haven’t been feeling well :( I know it’s not easy to just “relax or calm down” but really I am glad that you did take some time for yourself! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! Don’t feel bad about not posting any new writing too! Honestly if you decided to not post anymore for whatever reason, it’s okay because you're still a person behind the screen. As long as YOU are okay or trying to get there, that is enough! You're never being dramatic, you know your body and feelings! 

Ive had such a busy weekend and I started my summer courses today(monday) which is why i haven't been on here as much :( Weekend was busy since I went thrifting and got some new skirts which I am excited about! And I went to a vintage car show! I love looking at older cars but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! I just like the vibes lol 

I also have not finished the bear yet, I'm only 4 episodes in 😭 and girl don’t get me started on how i think about the whole claire or sydney thing because I feel like I can make a whole ass dissertation on the bear HAHA especially with this new season I have MANY thoughts lol But I do agree that the first episode was an interesting watch. I think that it was an attempt to give some more backstory especially with Carmy’s training but I think that the transitions from past/present were hard to follow. But the changes were very stuble so it can easily be missed. The way I knew was by looking at his hair?? Idk maybe im reaching lol  Oh I would cry too! I didn’t grow up with so much yelling and I hate confrontation so it would not be a good environment for me lol I'm also a perfectionist so I simply would die :)! Anyways I'm hoping to have more time during this week to finish it! 

How was your weekend? Hows’ the week starting out?!

Sam you're literally the SWEETEST how would I not be nice to you😭?! I love you!!!-💜

I didn't realize you were taking summer courses! I thought you were free! I feel like we discussed that you were and like a goldfish, I forgot immediately 🤦‍♀️ (it's slowly coming back, you're making up for some lost time perhaps?) How long are the classes and are you excited about them? I actually loved my summer math classes in grad school (maybe more than my regular season classes). They were like 👌 the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

New skirts! Are they long skirts or short skirts? Any fun patterns? I also know NOTHING about cars. I would rather walk. The vintage car shows are cool though! (Sounds like another great story meet cute to use 👀)

I just finished ep 5. I think as a whole the season is weird but I'm still invested. I like it a lot. I feel like Sydney doesn't want to part own it. I'm thinking she's seeing Carmy spiraling and she's like "Maybe I don't want to tie myself into him (and the restaurant)" Idk just my prediction. OBSESSED WITH THE FAKS. "How many Faks are coming?" "At least two, less than five." Literally amazing. I think Carmy's obsession is also a little too much this season. Maybe that's the point (obvi, his non-negotiables are/were a lot). Him wanting a new menu every night is a lot for me. I'm stressing about it. I feel like I've mentioned but my bf is pretty into cooking and he thinks Carmy is modeled after Marco Pierre White (I forget his reasoning; even though it's been said The Bear is not based off a real person) but if my bf IS right, it doesn't bode well for Carmy :/ I'm obsessed with the character arcs of some of these characters. Richie and Tina for example. TINA omg I could have killed her at the beginning. What a queen. I'm trying to be vague and also not spoil anything so hopefully I didn't. But I apologize if I did.

Totally agree with you on the perfectionist front. It's rough out there. I would sob into my purees lol

Omg I don't even remember the weekend. I think it was relaxing lol I was so nervous about school stuff. Because of the 4th I'm done with the first week of school so I'm feeling much better now. Mother Nature made her appearance as well and I shouldn't have been surprised since I mentioned last week I wanted to jump into traffic which is a good signal. But anyway, I'm thriving now. Need to do some chores and I'm writing something hopefully to post for tomorrow! I want to read and go for walks as well!

Hope your classes are good, your week is good, and you're enjoying the rest of The Bear LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[comebackali]

Shuffle your favourite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favourite mutuals!

thanks for opening this up to everyone @obi-wkenobi, literally any excuse to talk about my current playlist obsession.

some backstory: my sibling and i each have our own respective vampire playlists we've been cultivating over the years. over half of the songs on our playlists overlap, but we each have quite a few (like several hours) of songs in our respective playlists that the other doesn't have. recently, we went on a drug run roadtrip, just the two of us. in the four hours that it took us to get there and back we dutifully listened to each and every song that they had in their playlist that i didn't have and i decided whether or not it was vampire playlist material (decidedly yes, they have good taste). sibling has been a little BITCHASS about listening to my vampire songs that they don't have in return (it's HARD to listen to 6 hours of music w/ serious intent when ur not stuck in a car together). so for some insane reason i decided to make a powerpoint detailing every song i have that they don't and why they deserve to be included in their vampire playlist. and it's gotten out of hand. some of these are like, c list vampire songs, and some of them are like, dude wtf, vampyre was CREATED in this song's image.

i present: "bitchass vampire playlist" part of the all inclusive "vampires" playlist

"the boys are too refined" by the hush sound

idk man, just vampire vibes. always has been. always will be.

"the boys who kiss and bite, they are the brilliant ones who speak and write with silver luck...they sing in clever tongues, oh how my knees go weak to be the one - she kicks and bucks... and if the timing is right to sneak off into the night, i'll let myself be taken just for the thrill."

2. "death defying acts" by angus & julia stone

“i will perform a death defying act... i will perform a death defying miracle... i will perform a death defying magic show...”

3. "this is how i disappear" by my chemical romance

the fact that they didn't have a SINGLE mcr song on their vampire playlist i cannot. this is probably like my least favorite of their other vampire ones, but it's just because they're all SO GOOD.

“drain all the blood and give the kids a show” “and live my life alone, forever now” “who walks among the famous living dead” i mean HELLO????

4. "blood bank" by bon iver

pretty sure i first heard this from one of scorp's (@ladyculebras) iconic livejournal playlists. pretty sure it was about either stefan/damon or sam/dean. one of those two d/s brothers 😏. i still have the album cover art saved to my computer in my itunes lol.

“well, i met you at the blood bank we were looking at the bags wondering if any of the colors matched any of the names we knew on the tags”

“you said, 'see look at it: that's yours stacked on top with your brother's. see how they resemble one another's even in their plastic little covers.'"

5. "supermassive black hole" by muse

ANYWAY, i open this up to the rest of you hoes. are any of the rest of you as unhinged as me about making playlists and powerpoints?? pls tell me about ur current favorite playlist obsessions.

[deadcrybabysmut]

took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁🏽

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader 

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands 

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better 

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor 

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever 

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal 

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh 

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head 

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard  

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing 

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it 

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager 

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking 

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3 

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public  

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy 

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there 

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie 

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain 

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite 

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does) 

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart 

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute 

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage 

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS 

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough 

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands 

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while 

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis 

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie 

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary 

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land 

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,) 

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored 

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea 

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn 

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself 

miss girl is an AMAZING cook 

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all 

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out 

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest 

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical 

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to 

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks 

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue 

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES 

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you 

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something 

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for 

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on 

this man,,, THIS MAN 

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful 

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him 

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse 

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″ 

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him? 

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest 

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute 

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg 

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together 

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck 

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him 

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day 

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3 

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!! 

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met 

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI - 4.17 - ‘Remember Me Tomorrow’ review

This ep. was sure hard to find! So glad we got such a great community helping each other out with getting access (@vix-has-arrived sure saved the day today!). But that’s why the review is a bit late!

What I loved most about this episode:

Higgins & Ella being adorable.

Drunk-ish Magnum teasing Higgy on the phone.

Rick & Suzie and Rick being all “I’ll just be there for her on her terms” which really is the sweetest thing.

Magnum helping the old guy set up a video call and reassuring him! The rest of their interactions were nice too, but this last one was my fave! 

But I loved all of it, really such a feel good episode and I’m not even mad we only had like two tiny Magnum/Higgins interactions because the rest was so good and their moments, short as they were, were super them. 

Nor did I miss the Ferrari or not getting too many outdoors scenes (well, I’d have loved some beach vibes as it snow here yesterday and spring is def. not in the air here in Sweden!) It was a bit of a different episode, and while different sometimes is just don’t do it for me, this worked really well (for me at least).

(I wonder if this was supposed to be Jay’s episode to direct though, because he’s got separate scenes from everyone? but then something changed with the other director and they had to switch? Because he directed next week’s right?)

Anyways, the episode really tugged on my heartstrings. I’m a sucker for throwing a kid in the mix and Ella was just such a a sweetheart (and might be wearing my Miggy-colored glasses but couldn’t she totally low-key be mistaken for Juliet and Magnum’s daughter?)

So, yeah, they had me just by adding the cute kid with a sad story. Also her dad... 

 I was worried he’d ask for Juliet’s phone number there at the end (and I’d want him to have it and take her out even though we’ve been there and done with Ethan but I liked him and I liked that Dad felt like more of a real person in one episode than E did for most of his time on the show.)

Also, here I think they were really clever in how they had Higgins be all “I’d have thrown myself into a case to not have to deal with the fact that I was dying and leaving my loved ones behind” during this end bit. It was true, sweet and I think really helpful for the dad to hear. Also a reminder on how she deals with emotions...

Backing up a little, the case was kind of interesting even if it was more about the interactions between Higgy and Ella and the motive and ending was a bit... odd and sudden. 

Like lady has affair with guy, decides to be with him she’s going to kill his whole family because he won’t leave his wife, does the deed with a totally traceable gun, then he comes home and is horrified and thus she kills him too. Then she has enough presence of mind to grab stuff to make it look like a robbery but is dumb enough to dump stolen stuff + the gun like close enough another neighbor, who sees and takes it? Her husband, whose gun it was, is not suspicious at all of his gun being missing and also dose not realize she’s gone totally cray-cray and killed 3 people? Or he did notice and that’s why they’re divorced? 

Then, after having kept this all secret for five years and not gotten caught, Higgy coming to ask about the affair, rather than lie some more, she knocks Juliet out and then decides to end her own life as well as Higgy’s by turning the stove on and just letting the gas poison them? Like IDK, this lady is not very consistent in how she kills folks. Also, why not lie and send Juliet on her merry way and then run? Or kill herself in a smarter way? Or kill Higgy for reals? Or leave her to be poisoned while she runs off to escape the police? It just felt a tad bit like weird and inconsistent. 

Also poor Higgy’s head!

(frying pan - and that sound effect of pan vs. head... like brain surgery next if that was real life. And then carbon monoxide poisoning? Higgy had a rough day.) 

I might have preferred some more clues. Or like maybe Ella having some sort of revelation instead of it just being who the gun belonged to. It was very...we have 4 minutes left, let’s wrap this up of them.

(Also, I’m assuming no one called Magnum about the whole Higgy not picking up while with the killer because I feel like he’d have had feels if that had happened. I would have loved to have seen his reaction to it though...)

Loved him being all  Fun Higgins and Sweet Higgins (also we got Fun Magnum and Sweet/Sharing Magnum). Side note: Sometimes I remember to be impressed by actors, like we see acting so much on TV and stuff it feels like a ‘normal’ thing, but Jay being low-key drunk-happy-teasing and that actually translating - I’m impressed. Because playing drunk-ish but not plastered is hard (I’ve attempted it with mediocre success.)

I do have one question - Ella’s mom died two years ago - how did the neighbor have pen smudges on his hand still? Or was it just Juliet seeing he was left handed and he just always have pen smudges? Who writes by hand anymore enough to have pen smudges? IDK, I was just a little like ‘wait what?’ at this point.

(That is a pen smudge on his hand right?? I guess maybe they changed the timeline or something? Perhaps the arrival of the letter originally was meant to be what made Ella investigate again?)

Magnum bringing the old guy a steak - that’s my boy! Old people get terrible food at most places so that really would be a kind and appreciated thing to do.

I wonder if the old guy is the funeral we’re getting next week? Or someone else is kicking the bucket?

(They’re very...diplomatic about the Vietnam war aren’t they.)

As previously mentioned, I did like Suzie not being all “let’s play happy family” as soon a she got back. I mean she’s not wrong, their kid should come first, even if you know, maybe she should have gone with like a ‘we need to focus on figuring out how to be parents before we figure our feelings out’ because like the logic of if we never start we can never end/break up...yeah, I guess, sure, but also not? 

We shall see where it goes, but I do feel quite sure about my prediction of a dramatic finale baby birth. I would love like a kidnapped/in trouble Magnum and Suzie and the rest of the gang teaming up to get them back and we get another Rick/Juliet moment (or possibly one where they both kind of go off the deep end thinking their person is dead. We know they both have those tendencies.)

Last thing. Anyone know what happened to Jay’s arm?

He’s got a pretty serious “band-aid” and no one mentions it in-show but I noticed so, just thought I’d ask since I know some of you keep more track of the actors than I do!

[spencersawkward]

i’m so happy ur on tumblr now!! i love between the lines so much, could you write a blurb or one shot about mgg and a younger co-star, but like very spicy if possible 🙃, idk i just love that scenario🥵.

i was literally about to write "omg i love this concept too!" and then i was like “well no fucking shit, sophi.” lol. YES i can 10/10 write you a one-shot with a similar scenario! also thank you for your kind words that was the first fic i ever wrote so it’s very near and dear to my heart!

summary: reader goes to a holiday party with her co-stars and best friend, Matthew... but all the fun happens in the dressing room.

content warnings: this one is quite dirty but i’m also proud of it lol. unprotected penetrative sex, oral (female receiving), degradation, use of the term “little girl,” creampie, age gap. dirty talk?

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.7k

masterlist

"no."

"what do you mean, 'no’?” Matthew laughs, looking between me and the mirror.

"I look like the Ghost of Christmas Past." I lift up the soft white tulle of the dress, watching it float back down to settle over my skin. he's got his eyebrows raised and there's a smirk on his lips like he's holding back a laugh. I resist the urge to reach around and hit him.

"would you rather wear that?" he points to the punch-stained gown that's now laying pathetically over the back of the vanity chair. I genuinely ponder the idea for a moment.

"honestly, the crime scene vibes might work well with the theme of our show."

"seriously, it's not bad, Y/N!" he insists, drawing my attention back to the mirror.

"you're just saying that because you're the one who spilled on me and you don't want people making fun of how clumsy you are." I cross my arms over my chest. he gives me a dubious expression in our reflection on the wall.

"do I seem like I care about that?" he challenges.

"I--" the truth is that no, Matthew is not the type. Matthew is the kind of person to flounder in front of anyone and proceed to crack a joke about himself. he's humble. but I kind of like when we talk like this, our back and forth.

after a year of working together on the same show, he and I have grown incredibly close. I'm friends with all my co-stars, but he and I just have the natural friendship chemistry that makes me want to spend all my time with him. when we're not on set, we're hanging out on his couch or ordering dinner or driving out of town to check out wacky sites around California. we just have fun. pure, clean, honest fun.

of course, in my dreams it isn't pure or honest. frankly, there's a lot of sordid scandal to what goes on in my head when he accidentally touches my arm or brushes his fingers over mine. the amount of times I have gone to cast parties trying to work up the nerve to kiss him are embarrassing. he's older and more experienced and, obviously, he has no interest in me.

but that doesn't matter.

the only reason I'm standing in a dressing room alone with him is because he knew someone on the crew who could hook me up with a replacement for the night. he left while I slipped out of the old one and came back in only after knocking and checking, like, twice to make sure I was decent. he's so respectful that it's almost like he's afraid of making me think the wrong thing-- which makes me feel absolutely stupid for my almost schoolgirl crush.

"come on, you look great. let's go enjoy the party."

"was this a dress one of the victims was wearing?" I ask with a laugh.

"probably. not like we carry a lot of gowns on set." he grabs my hand, makes my heart leap into my throat. he only does it to urge me along, but it still feels intimate as I follow him out of the room, tossing one more evaluative glance at myself in the mirror. I seem terrified.

we continue to do our rounds at the party, Matthew filling my glass of eggnog even though I hate it. I wince and take a sip while we talk to some of our co-stars.

"what's wrong with you?" Shemar chuckles at my expression.

"lost a bet."

"with whom?" he glances between Matthew and me, knowing damn well already from the mischievous grin on the former's face.

"I told you not to take it." Matthew says over the rim of his glass.

"if you mention it one more time, I'm gonna throw up eggnog all over your outfit." I threaten him, but we're both smiling. Shemar frowns.

"what was the bet?"

"you know David-- the guy I was telling you about?" I reply quickly, determined to give my side of the story. Shemar nods; I told him last week when David oh-so-chivalrously danced up on me at a club and asked me out. usually in those situations, guys just want a one-night stand, so I was impressed and agreed. "anyway, Matthew said if it turned out that he was a weirdo, he would get to pick my drinks for the next week whenever we go out."

"your drinks? that's specific."

"she's so picky!" Matthew teases me.

"leave me alone, you dick!" I elbow him and he dodges just in time.

"tell him why he was a weirdo." he grins. the glare I give could kill. but Shemar is waiting expectantly for me to share the information, so I sigh and set my jaw before telling the truth.

"he collects antique dental tools."

"what?" Shemar laughs disbelievingly. I throw my hands up.

"I don't fucking know. we went back to his apartment and he showed me his whole collection."

"you're attracted to weird people, Y/N." Matthew says. I raise my eyebrows and almost say something that dooms me. I hold my tongue, however, and turn back to Shemar with a reserved smile.

"anyway, how are you?"

...

the cast holiday party is actually pretty fun. I tend to leave these functions early in favor of my couch and some ice cream, but something about the bright colors and the smell of wintergreen in the air makes me want to linger in the studio.

I stuff myself with sugar cookies and Matthew mercifully lets me switch from eggnog to Sprite. normally, I'd drink at such an occasion, but I'm a messy drunk and this is one of my first real jobs as an actress. I don't want to even come close to jeopardizing that by breaking some expensive equipment or something.

my throat gets a little sore from all the talking I do-- Paget and I spend about half an hour horribly belting out Christmas carols at the baby grand piano they brought in. they originally had someone hired to play it, but the guy disappeared about an hour ago.

by the time it hits around ten pm, my limbs are tired. I thought people would be leaving (a lot of them have families), but the party is still very much raging when I start to wind down. maybe it's because I'm sober.

"hey." Matthew sidles up next to me as I sit at the piano bench with a slice of lime in my mouth. I like to suck the juice out of them; sour things are my favorite.

"hi." I pluck the fruit out and drop it back into my soda. he sits next to me, his cologne filling my senses with the kind of sensual warmth that it shouldn't be making me feel. he always smells so good.

"ladylike." he gestures to the movement.

"is that why you call me 'princess?'" I smirk, half-joking.

"once-- I called you that once!" he defends. it's not a lie. he used the nickname when he was mocking me for my somewhat selective food preferences. it was sarcastic, but I wish it wasn't. something about the way he said it in the moment made me blush.

"is there a reason you've come to grate my nerves?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns away from me as he bites back a smile. I pout. "what?"

"you're talking like a Jane Austen novel."

"what's wrong with Jane Austen?" I defend, skin heating up. his proximity is doing things to me that it shouldn't.

"nothing," he glances at me before moving his gaze to the ivory keys. "do you play?"

"elementary level, sure." I giggle. he runs his fingers over them, never pressing down hard enough to release a sound. I'm entranced by the delicate nature of his actions, the veins and the curve of his fingertips, the sheer width of his hand. I think about it too much for it to be healthy.

"show me." it's a direct order, one that doesn't feel directive but still ends with me placing both hands on the piano and wracking my brain for something to play. I decide on a piece that Paget and I were doing earlier, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I've never been quite good at piano, and the nearness of his body is like an anvil on my fingers, but I play anyway. and it feels good. his eyes are on me, drawn to my tracings over the instrument as they press and lift and glide.

"sing." I tell him.

"no!" he protests. I don't stop playing, only now getting into the thick of the tune.

"oh, come on. just the chorus..." I plead, turning my head to beg. "please?"

I bat my lashes playfully, fully intending it as a joke, but Matthew softens a bit. for a fraction of a second, I think he looks at my mouth. he turns his head back to the piano and lets out a quiet "here we are as in olden days... happy golden days of yore..."

"there you go!" I egg him on, and he starts to get more into it. his voice is absolutely off-key; he's no singer, and somehow that makes him even more endearing to me.

Matthew has always been this flawless, intimidating figure in my mind. even when we first met, I was certain that he was hiding something because everything else about him is so... perfect. he's funny, sweet, genuinely kind, handsomer than hell. it didn't make sense. but knowing that he can't carry a tune makes me feel a bit better. it humanizes his beauty.

while he sings, I can't help looking at him. his side profile is even more enchanting; the curve of his features meeting a smooth elegance in his jaw and cheek, especially when his mouth is open. he catches me smiling at him and returns it with his own gleeful face, now totally fine with singing like a fool in front of everyone. nobody is even really looking at us-- they're several drinks in and lost in their own universe of drunken laughter.

there's something kind of magical about that, I think. we're sober. when the song draws to a close, I lift my fingers off the keys and into my lap.

"you're quite the Pavarotti." I joke.

"the who?" he furrows his brow with a smile.

"he's a famous opera singer."

"oh," he laughs, "thanks, Mozart."

I twist my face up as I hide my smile. this is also part of the reason I could never tell Matthew how I feel; we just fit together too well. he almost always gets my references and I understand his, even though there's an age gap between us. he's an old soul with a youthful heart.

"how's your night going?" I ask him softly, changing the subject. he sets his hands on his lap, absent-mindedly toying with his fingers. it's not a nervous tendency at all. he does it whenever we're on set.

"as of right now? pretty damn good." he replies with a smile. I get warm again at the implication. he doesn't mean it like that, but god, do I wish he did.

"very smooth." I compliment appreciatively.

"how about you?"

"it was kind of boring, but then this rando sat next to me and started singing Christmas songs and it got a little better." I say flatly, grabbing my glass off the top of the piano and running my fingertip over the rim. he drops his head in a giggle.

"you're something else."

"insult?" I clarify.

"definitely a compliment."

"I like compliments."

"well, I wasn't lying before. you look really beautiful in that dress."

"the murder dress?" I glance down at it to hide the absolute wideness of my eyes at his words. he's completely flustering me and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. he said I look beautiful. not "pretty," not "great"-- beautiful.

"yes, the murder dress." he gets a little pink in his cheeks, and that makes me want to explode on the spot.

"well, say goodbye to it because I'm gonna go change back into my plebeian clothes," I stand from the piano bench. "it's past my bedtime."

Matthew looks up at me with an unreadable expression and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I hate leaving him. "do you wanna come with me? like-- walk with me?"

"sure." he nods, stands, and follows behind. I can feel his presence like a delightful reminder of the emotions surging in my stomach. we wind through the crowd of party-goers until we end up back in the dressing room, away from the party. it's quiet.

Matthew walks in with me, carrying our drinks in his hand, and he's about to stroll back out so I can change when I touch his arm. the door shuts automatically behind him.

"wait," I swallow quickly. "can you unzip me?"

"oh." Matthew looks at me, then at the glasses in his arms, then at the vanity. he sets them down and comes back quickly, his frame behind me while his fingertips locate the little piece at the top of my gown. my breath hitches in my throat when he brushes over my spine by accident, one nail dragging accidentally against my skin as the fabric slowly gives way. I don't know if he hears it-- it's nearly imperceptible-- but he definitely hesitates once he reaches the place where my back starts to curve into my ass. he pauses, doesn't breathe until he reaches the end of the zipper.

"there you go." he mutters. his voice is a little more hoarse than usual, and he clears his throat as he steps away. I know he's going to back out. he's going to back out of the room and wait for me to slip into nothing and I know, somehow, that he's going to be thinking about how I look in here with my clothes off. he's going to wish he stayed.

and I'm going to wish he'd done more than stayed.

before I can lose my nerve and allow the moment to be swallowed up by practicality, I shrug the straps of the dress down my shoulders and let gravity take over. it drops to the floor, leaving me in only my bra and panties. I can sense him behind me; he's silent for a moment.

"Matthew." I say, the name sitting on my tongue like a sugar cube. perfectly formed, slowly dissolving.

"y-yeah?" he stutters for the first time since I've met him.

"are you looking at my ass right now?" I ask, still turned around. the way he's frozen in place tells me that I'm right.

"yeah." he admits.

"you can touch it, if you want." I murmur softly. part of me doesn't think this is real, the way each sentence leaves my throat like it's been pre-planned. truly, I don't understand how my brain is moving so quickly.

"are you... sure?" he's hesitant, but even I can taste the longing.

"yes."

his hand smooths over my butt, softly at first like he's still not believing his own eyes, before moving back to grab it. he squeezes the flesh, and a low exhale from him tells me that he's excited.

"do you want more?" my voice barely carries. my head is almost foggy from how good it is to have his grip on my body, even in such a simple way. I can feel myself getting wet.

"how much more?" his lips brush over my shoulder and I get goosebumps. my mouth opens and closes for a moment, searching for the right words.

"however much you want."

it's flint and steel, the way he sparks. the air literally leaves my lungs when Matthew grabs my hips and spins me around to face him. my lips part as I peer up at him, at the lust that now darkens those hazel eyes and the way he holds mine. his touch is certain. he pulls our bodies together, tilts my chin up to kiss me.

it's passionate, strong, the kind of kiss that causes me to lean back a bit just to receive the full force of his desire. but I return the affection easily, moaning into his mouth. I've never been held the way that Matthew holds me. like I'm made of sugar glass, like he wants desperately to feel the soft give of my skin and make a home of me.

the heat between our bodies is almost overwhelming, and I sigh when he subtly pushes our hips together. his erection is against my stomach.

"fuck." I mutter when I pull away for air. Matthew doesn't stop his perfect movements, though, tugging my earlobe between his teeth and starting to leave love bites up my skin and over my shoulder. he chuckles against my throat. I shiver.

"you alright, little girl?" he asks.

"just--" I let out a moan at the sensation of his fingers exploring my bare waist. he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. "just surprised."

"about?" he slides the straps down my shoulders and looks me in the eye. the lack of physical contact makes me whine.

"that you want me."

"how is that surprising?" he smiles, using one index finger to guide me to look at him.

"you don't seem like it."

Matthew raises his eyebrows as if I'm a crazy person. truly dumbstruck. "what?"

"you-- well, I don't know." I frown, but Matthew takes my hand and moves it over his torso until my palm is resting over the considerable bulge in his pants.

"is this enough proof?"

I struggle for words, sputtering. "yeah-- yeah, it is."

he bucks into my hand a little and I bite my lip, eyes moving up to meet his. something passes between us that I don't fully understand, but feel in my bones. I have never, in my life, wanted someone to fuck me as much as I want Matthew to fuck me right now. my jaw clenches.

"I need you." I tell him like this is the most relevant piece of information that will ever pass between us. he smirks.

"yeah?"

"mhmm."

"then lean against the wall and let me give you what you deserve." he orders. for a second, I try to think through what he means. then I look behind me at the open space and back up, him following me closely. his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples as he kisses my lips. the coolness against my back causes me to gasp, and he swallows the sound with his tongue before moving down my body.

he's torturously slow, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while he shrugs off his suit jacket. he switches to my other peak, one hand splayed over my stomach, and then proceeds southward with his lips. his kisses are delicate, open-mouthed, as they find their way to the waistband of my panties.

he hooks his fingers in them and looks up at me.

"can I eat you out, baby?" he asks. I bite my lip.

"please." like a beg.

"oh, you're polite tonight." he smirks, tugging the garment down my legs and discarding it somewhere in the room. I don't respond, and he doesn't seem to need me to, because he pushes one leg up for better access to my pussy. "let's see if it lasts."

my back curves off of the wall involuntarily when he holds the flat of his tongue against my clit suddenly, trying to roll my hips against his face. my fingers tangle in his hair, one leg resting over his shoulder.

he starts to flick at my clit. I lose grasp of my own language.

"Matthew, that feels so good, I--"

he attaches himself to my bundle of nerves, seemingly turned on by the sounds I'm making for him. he groans as he laps at the wetness between my legs, dipping into my folds and sucking the soul out of me. I whine and use his curls as leverage to gain more friction. he peers up at me.

"needy little girl." he mumbles against my pussy. I shove him back into me.

"make me cum, then." I beg. I can practically feel the devilish smirk on his face as he devours me like he'll never get enough. every twist and lick of his tongue is sending me to new places. I'm panting, chest heaving, while I grab my own tits and buck into his mouth.

he moans. my orgasm hits me like a wave, causing me to nearly thrash with pleasure as I cry out.

"Matthew, keep going, fuck yes!" I feel tears prick the back of my eyes, the culmination almost too much to bear as we hold contact. he stares into my fucking soul as he eats me out, and I want to stay like this forever. it's hard to support myself with my legs going weak, but I love it. the sensations are otherworldly. it's only when I'm about to collapse that I push his face away from me.

"I love your pussy." he tells me, licking his lips as he sets my legs down. I grin and let my head fall back against the wall.

"thanks."

"come here, princess." he takes hold of my hips and guides me over to the mirror, turning me so that he's standing behind my frame. the pet name causes me to smile.

"what?" I reference our reflection. he stares at me, reaching around to squeeze my tits.

"I wanna fuck you in the mirror." such a vulgar thing, said so beautifully. he kisses my cheek. "if that's okay with you."

"I don't care what position we do as long as you're fucking me." I breathe honestly. he chuckles and draws me towards him so his clothed boner is against my ass. I reach behind and work the button on his pants. he undoes the ones on his shirt. we're silent, him watching my naked body move like he's trying to memorize every detail.

when he's finally stripped, he lets me stroke his cock for a couple moments before pushing my upper back forward so I'm holding onto the sides of the mirror. I see him biting his lip as he lines himself up at my entrance.

"you ready?" he checks. I nod and he smiles at me once. pushing in, the smile melts into a jaw-dropped haze, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Y/N..."

"it's so big." I try to breathe. he's so deep, I grip the mirror until my knuckles turn white. he's going to snap my body in two with the angle of his cock, filling me easily.

"tight little thing." he grunts as he holds himself inside. I can only watch in shock as I try to adjust to the sheer feeling of him. Matthew runs his hands over my sides, my ass, touching whatever he can. "how's that?"

I start to wiggle my hips and he groans at the feeling of my walls desperately swallowing him up. "Matthew, I need it."

"need what?" he thrusts into me and I have to fight a scream.

"need you."

"fuck... yes." he hisses out, sliding into me. "you're so wet I don't even need to try."

I bite my lip to withhold my sounds and he stares me in the eyes in the mirror as he starts to fuck me harder, building a pace with his hips. he growls a little if he hits certain angles, getting ruthless.

"so many times when I wanted to be inside you, princess..." he trails off. I start to play with my clit with one hand, using the other to stabilize myself with the mirror. the idea turns me on.

"when?"

"whenever you have attitude," he pants. "tonight, in that innocent fucking dress. making me wanna pound you like a little slut."

I make a high-pitched sound at the shudder of pleasure that jolts through my stomach at his words, wanting more. I've never heard him talk this way before.

"Matthew, shit--" I rub myself in circles, caught between watching his face and watching the way his hips slam into mine.

"you're begging to be fucked, you know that?"

"am I?" I smile sweetly in the mirror. we're in our own world, locked in a fantasy that I never want to leave. I can feel him in every corner of my body, sinking beneath my skin. he digs his nails into my ass.

"mhmm." he hums. I can feel the familiar weight in my stomach that indicates how close I'm getting. a knot that screams to be undone by his perfect length. I would do anything for more of this. I can taste everything good in the world on my tongue.

"I'm so close." I whine.

"I can tell," he studies my face in the mirror. "so pretty when you're breaking."

"oh--" I feel my thighs tense and my body pulses, the euphoria almost overwhelming. we move steadily, rhythmically, and he pushes my climax to new levels. "faster." I cry.

Matthew is quick to respond, gripping me closer while he plows into me like he's never going to have my body again. the sound of it is filthy, perfect, a mess. he groans at the sensation of my cunt pulsating around his cock.

"cum for me, princess." he moans, losing himself in the embrace of my core. the foggy stare in his eyes is like drowning in the ocean. I sink below, not caring at all about the consequences of him inside me. fuck working together; I need him. "where should I cum?"

"in me." I groan.

"beg." he commands easily, watching my face contort in pleasure. I could pretend to fight it, to give a little attitude, but I don't want to. I love begging for him.

"fill me up, Matthew. please." each word punctuated by the breathlessness of my voice. he gets even more ferocious with me, beating up my pussy until I'm sure he's going to leave me sore.

"right there, right there," he gasps, hitting the same spot that makes me go cross-eyed. "such a good little slut."

his cum shoots into me, deep and warm and erotically twisted, and I nearly collapse. it feels weird, but so good at the same time. full. he groans out my name and withdraws, quick to grab my shoulders and hold me up as I almost fall. I hadn't realized that most of my body weight was supported purely by his thrusts.

"whoa." he lets out a tired laugh, gentle in his touch. I'm heaving air into my lungs.

"sorry." I apologize, my body unstable.

"are you okay?" he seems genuinely concerned and I nod.

"yeah, I'm fine. just a little overwhelmed."

"here," he scoops me into his arms and brings me over to the old love seat in the dressing room, laying his jacket down before putting me on top of it. "can I get you something?"

"Sprite." I gesture to the glass on the vanity, and he smiles as he goes to get it. I gulp down whatever remains of it. "thanks."

"of course." he keeps glancing at my face and the red marks on my hips where he was clutching me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry."

"what?" I set the cup down. "don't ever be sorry for fucking me like that."

"no, I meant--" he laughs, but then he sees my playful expression and realizes that I'm genuinely alright. I think my legs were asleep.

"you're a saint." I tell him. he frowns and shakes his head bashfully. I'm already getting up and collecting my clothes. "or maybe what we just did prevents you from reaching sainthood. I don't know."

he places his hand on my lower back, kisses my forehead tenderly.

"seriously. you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assure him. "but I would be better with a milkshake."

Matthew breaks into a slow grin, staring at me like I've done something miraculous.

"how are you so perfect?"