#idk this feels like a 3am purchase
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nefretemerson · 2 years ago
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I'm not an alcoholic. As in. I'm not physically dependent. I can see easily go two weeks without a drink. When I drink, I can stop myself after 2 (lil hard to stop after one bc after one I don't feel anything at all). But I do drink wayyyyyyy too much. As in. I drink a bottle of wine on Mondays, 1.5 bottles of champagne on Tuesdays (sometimes 2 depending on when I start), and I go out at least three nights a week for 2-4. so for the past month I've really scaled it back. I gave my ID to a friend for safe keeping, which means the only booze I can purchase is at bars where they already know me and I have none in the house. My favorite bars all close at like midnight/1 so I'm not out till 3am anymore and honestly it's been great. I've been reading soooo much more, my concentration isn't nearly as shot, I'm less tired. But also. Sooo many of my calories came from booze and now I'm hungry all the time And my sweet tooth has come back with a raging vengeance now that I'm not flooding my system with alcohol sugars. My tolerance is something of a legend, I drink like the seasoned restaurant industry veteran that I am. I drink like the bartender I am. But I'm about to buy into an agriculture related business with all the early hours and self-discipline that entails and my lifestyle has got to change along with my career change. I'm tired of the full body stiffness and lethargy that follows a night of drinking. I'm tired of throwing up. I only black out every couple months, but I'm tired of that too. I'm tired of the memory issues and a brain that so often feels like swiss cheese... maybe I am an alcoholic lololol. I'm still drinking, but I'm drinking a hell of a lot less. Idk what the point of this is. I'm just mad at the number of sweets I've been consuming. Like. So mad.
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cleverwinepun · 2 years ago
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The Wine ‘fo Today
Forza Moscato! Look at this photo of her, why is it so funny? The closeup shot for no reason in the worlds crunchiest quality, for a quality ($5) wine.
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Alrighty, so of course I’m going to dedicate the first “professional wine taste tm” review to the wine that inspired me to start this little blog for myself. This wine was so good to me it got me to start a blog??? Idk at first I snapped a photo of the bottle IMMEDIATELY after having my first sip so I could remember I liked it and buy it in the future and then I thought hey why don’t I write this down? In fact I should write about all the wines I like, maybe even the ones I didn’t like. Maybe … like my own personal wine review journal? A BLOG? Why am i this passionate about wine ? Did I inherit the alcoholic gene? (Yes) I basically just wanted to scrapbook every drink I’ve ever liked for future reference and thought this was a pretty silly and elaborate way to do so.
I’m not sure how those professional wine tasters describe the wines they drink, what the notes are, how the hell they can tell the literal chemical compound of the liquid just by gargling it. All I know is that this wine just tastes like juice, n that’s why mama likey. My favorite wines are definitely the ones that are basically “fruit juice that makes my tummy feel funny” because I’m literally an overgrown child. This one was very lovely! Basically tasted like the white grape juice you find in the supermarket, and is only like 6 bucks. It’s main attribute is that it’s VERY sweet, like salivates your mouth upon contact sweet. I had it warm so this sweetness was probably a little more prominent thanks to that, and though I expressed to myself it would probably be even better chilled, I did not get to try it that way. I’m known to not be the best at sipping in moderation, and fruity drinks are always a very dangerous game because the less it tastes like alcohol, the faster I’m going to drink it, and the faster I will get drunk (This of course does not bother me, but definitely bothers my mother, the one who is actually doing the wine purchasing) Overall, just a very sweet drink I’d mostly recommend for a time you wish to experience a little jolt while you watch a silly show or something, but not really to accompany a nice dinner or anything. Maybe something to stick in the mango slushie you ordered with your Taco Bell meal while you watch Big Brother or some other drivel (slash positive).
Rating
I’m not exactly sure how this bottle got in my house? Some family came over earlier on the same day I tried the wine randomly at 3am, and it was just put out on the table. It was put out half empty though? Like it didn’t seem like my mother went out and bought it for the occasion that same morning, and I swear I’ve never seen the bottle before then? Where the hell could she have been hiding it if that was the case? When was she drinking this, because why else would it be half empty? Lot of unanswered questions with this bottle, but I’ve always liked my women a little mysterious. Anyways solid 5/5, but I am only going to be able to try her like three times because once again the bottle was presented half empty and I’m trying to do some Houdini level trickery to make it seem like the liquid level has not changed by keeping it above the bottom of the logo line so it’s not obvious I’ve been sneaking cups of it while everyone is asleep (how I enjoy most of my drinks). Can’t wait to buy her for myself in like a year and a month. Nummy nummy nummy.
My Sipping Buddy:
I really wanna include this segment to shoutout what I was doing or who I was with while enjoying the drink in question, but my very legit physic senses are telling me most of these are gonna be whatever silly YouTube video I watched while I drank bc I mostly drink alone in my bedroom at odd hours of the night, so…
My sipping buddy for this wine was Jenny Nicholson! Specifically this 3 hour docu-tube-mentary on Evermore; which despite it’s not super long timespan, took me like two whole days to watch?? Idk I kept stopping and attempting (and obviously failing) to watch it in odd places like in the shower. Anyways it left me longing for a alternate dimension where Evermore wasn’t a total flop and delivered on everything it said it would be and I got to go and I would officially be able to die the happiest person on planet earth because I was alive at a time where I could go to the coolest larping theme park on Earth. God I really wish Evermore turned out how it was envisioned. Great video though, Jenny is always a hoot, and I love a good deep dive into the most random shit.
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Anyways my tummy hurts because my body is freaking out over not having a baby inside it this month and I am starting to physically feel my eyebags resting on my face so I’m not proof reading this and posting it now. But let’s be honest even if I wasn’t in excruciating pain I’m probably not gonna proofread anything I post here.
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inskz · 4 years ago
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raspberry popsicle - hwang hyunjin
pairing - hwang hyunjin + convenience store worker!reader
genre - lots of fluff, a bit of angst ??? idk i hope u cry a little at the end lmao
warnings - alcohol and cigarette
words - 12+k
summary - a beautiful stranger comes to the convenience store you work at during summer every single day to buy raspberry popsicles
note - this is the first time i finally managed to finish an english fic so i thought why not post it! please bear with the inconsistencies this was written at 3am while i was feeling rlly nostalgic abt a summer i didn’t have 🥴. enjoy!!!
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Hyunjin met you on the warmest day of August.
He could barely keep his eyes open, even hidden behind his square-shaped sunglasses, as he walked down the street, the scorching heat of the sun forcing him to take refuge in the closest 7/11 he managed to find on google maps.
The excessive air conditioning slapped his cheeks when the sliding doors opened. Even though he felt like his throat was already itching, warning him not to stay too long if he did not want to catch a cold, he was thankful to escape momentarily the living hell that was a summer in Jeju. Warm rays of sunlight were replaced by glitching neon lights. At this hour of the day, the convenience store was pretty much empty. The whole town must have been gathered at the beach. He could feel a bead of sweat dripping down his neck at the simple thought of all the bodies piled up on the sand. When he finally found the freezer, he grabbed a raspberry popsicle. It had always been his favorite for as long as he could remember.  
At first, you did not notice him approaching the checkout, too immersed in the music blasting in your earphones. In fact, your music was so loud, Hyunjin was able to make out the bass. Indie rock, he assumed. An old fan was blowing lukewarm air in your messy hair. As you finished your umpteenth spin on your rusty stool, your eyes finally met his.
"Sorry. Did not see you there," you said, jumping up and taking off your earphones in a hurry, as if you were caught red-handed. Your boss must have forbidden you to listen to music on your shifts, he guessed. You stuffed the tangled cords deep in the pocket of your forest green sleeveless vest. Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder how someone could look that good in this horrid uniform.
"It's okay," Hyunjin muttered but you did not seem to hear him as you were too busy taping on the cash register's screen. His cheeks felt hot all the sudden, but for once it was not from the heat of the sun.
"One fifty please". He proceeded to empty out his pockets, the golden coins landing on the counter with a loud noise. Without even glancing at him, you put them in the cash-drawer.
And as quickly as he came, Hyunjin was out the door, the burning air engulfing him again, sinking into every pore of his skin. But he could not bring himself to go home yet. Instead, he sat under the shade of the parasol installed in front of the convenience store’s window, glancing occasionally at you.
Unconsciously, a smile grew on his lips as he saw that you were already back to your antics, earphones in your ears, bopping your head to the sound of your playlist.
He did not realize how long he had been sitting here until he felt a sticky liquid running down his fingers. His popsicle had melted. “Fuck”, he muttered as he saw that his white vans were now tinted pink.
-----
You’d be lying if you said the stranger’s daily visits were not the only reason you looked forward to starting your shift at 6 in the morning while all your friends were still fast asleep after long nights of partying. He would come every day around 2, except on Sundays when the shop would be closed, to get his raspberry treat.
After a week, your exchanges still had not gotten further than the usual “hello”, “one fifty please”, “thanks” and “goodbye”. Not that you did not have the desire to, but because you have always been terrified of small talk. How you got hired despite your constant resting bitch face was an unsolved mystery.
On Thursday, he entered the 7/11 at exactly 2:13 PM and, as always, went straight to the freezer. You immediately turned up the volume of your music to silence your ridiculously intense heartbeat. Of course, you blamed it on your social anxiety. What more could it be?
While he was choosing his ice cream, you could not help but stare at his broad back. You noticed how strands of bleached hair escaped from his black bucket hat. How the collar of his Hawaiian shirt was slightly crooked, causing your fingers to ache to fix it. How the bottom of his jean shorts was getting a little bit more frayed each day. How his white vans were stained pink.
The sound of the freezer’s door slamming shut made you come back to your senses. You could not bring yourself to look at him in the eyes when he finally reached the checkout. Instead, the yellow color of the popsicle he slid onto the counter immediately caught your attention.
“Don’t we have any raspberry ones left?” you thought out loud. You only realized these words actually came out of your mouth when it you saw the boy’s eyes widen and his lips part in surprise. A wave of embarrassment hit you. He must have thought you were a crazy stalker, taking note of what he was buying every single day.
“Oh, no you got plenty left... I just wanted to try something new, I guess,” he said.
It was the first time you saw his true smile, not just the polite kind. It was shy at first, but then it bloomed across his flushed cheeks causing the skin of his nose to wrinkle and his eyes to turn into shining crescents. Never had you seen such a pretty vision. The type of vision that was making your heart ache. You wanted to answer him so badly, to keep the conversation going for hours. But no matter how hard you thought, nothing came to your mind.  
"One fifty, please" were all the words you managed to say with your usual nonchalant tone. You fought the urge to slap yourself when you saw his smile slowly fading, a hint of disappointment crossing his face.
Not wanting this mortifying episode to last any longer, you quickly took his bill from his hands and gave him his change almost instantly. As soon as he disappeared behind the sliding doors, a loud sigh escaped your lips, resonating in the empty aisles. You let your head fall on the counter, your eyes already closing in an attempt to calm your nerves.
Why did you have to be so damn cold?
-----
Hyunjin’s vacations were about to come to an end, yet the heat was just as unbearable as when they started. Time had stopped. Days were endless, suffocating, empty. They blended together to create a vicious and infinite loop. The sun did not seem to be wanting to set and put an end to Hyunjin’s misery. It felt like a stifling drought interrupted his fast-paced life. Like scissors cut off his wings, violently bringing him back to the ground. No matter how hard he tried, he could not bring himself to enjoy his time off.
First of all, because it was not his choice. When the company announced a summertime hiatus for Stray Kids, it came as a surprise for everyone. It just did not feel right, not after their recent successes. But like many other decisions, it wasn’t in their power. They were sent home and forced to rest.
Mostly because he was supposed to join his parents on their trip to Jeju, but the universe decided otherwise. At the last minute, his grandmother broke her wrist by falling in the stairs and his father’s boss resigned. Nothing too alarming in itself, but his mother had to be by his grandmother’s bedside and his father had to take care of the tasks suddenly left uncompleted by his now former superior.
This is how Hyunjin, who was so used to be surrounded by seven brothers from another mother, ended up watching all the episodes of Hotel de Luna, twice, alone, in an empty beach house for two weeks straight. In the beginning, he found it kind of enjoyable. He spent the first few days sleeping-in, taking endless showers, eating snacks for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But slowly he started to miss waking up at dawn, racing to get in the shower first, fighting for the drumstick when they ordered chicken. Now it was almost unbearable. He hated the silence that he once longed for.
Of course, he thought about calling his friends and family on the phone. And he did at first, but as soon as he would hang up his loneliness would grow, multiply, swallow him whole. So, he had stopped. He also thought about going out and meeting new people. But he got so used to always having his members by his side that he forgot about how you even make new ones. He felt like a fool, not even being able to do the usual tasks of a normal teenager.
The only interaction with another living being he had was with you. Each day, he was counting the hours until he would go buy a raspberry popsicle, especially if it meant that he would see your face. Admittedly, you did not seem as excited to see his. You weren’t cheerful nor loquacious. Your whole body screamed “go away” but he still felt drawn to you. Maybe it was the way you’d mimic the drums with your fingers when you were absorbed by your music. Or how pretty you looked in that green uniform. Or the fact that you remembered raspberry was his favorite flavor.
That day, he decided loneliness had become too heavy of a burden for him. He wasn’t really realizing what he was doing when he grabbed a second popsicle out of the freezer. Afraid that he might chicken out if he thought about it too long, he walked so fast to the checkout that he almost bumped in the pile of baskets sitting next to your stool. He felt a slight relief when he saw that you noticed his purchase was different than the usual by the way you had furrowed your brows.
“Hey. This one is for you”, he said, sliding the bright pink wrapper across the counter.
Instead of reaching for the treat, your fingers started to play with the cord of your earphones. For once, you looked at him straight in the eyes. Normally you would be too focused on your cash register's screen to pay attention to him. As his confidence was melting under your gaze like an ice cream under the sun, he wondered if he actually didn’t like it better when you didn’t stare at him. Your expression was unreadable, at least for him. He had never been good at those type of things anyways.
“It must be hard to work during vacations” he added with a voice that seemed to be about to crack. He could not help but scratch the back of his head in an attempt to fight back his embarrassment.
He swore he caught a glimpse of the corners of your mouth slightly curl up, betraying your regular nonchalance. “Thanks” you responded with your usual tone, as you grabbed the popsicle, but the ghost of a smile was still lingering on your face. “3 dollars please”. He gave you the exact amount and was already on his way to the exit.
He felt a bit disappointed by your reaction but what was he even expecting? As he was trying to convince himself to be content with just seeing your smile, as discreet as it was, he heard your voice, piercing through the noise of the neon lights and refrigerators buzzing.
“Wait. I have my break in 10 minutes… Can you wait for me? We can eat it outside”. Was he hallucinating or did you actually asked him to eat together? He had to check your face several times to make sure he had not gotten crazy. Considering the way you were staring at him with your eyebrow arched, he figured he wasn’t dreaming and you were impatiently waiting for his answer. “I have to go get some fresh air anyways”, you added, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence.
“Sure”, he finally said, doing his best to keep his cool but he knew too well that his face had turned crimson red.
“I gotta put the popsicles back into the freezer otherwise it will be melted by then”. Your fingers reached for his. He noticed how small your hand seemed next to his, how the black polish on your nails was chipped, how cold your skin felt against his.
Once he was sure you were holding the popsicles, he sprinted out of the convenience-store. It was only when he got outside that he realized he had been holding his breath all this time.
-----
The next 10 minutes felt like a real ordeal. Not even the last album of the Strokes blasting in your earphones could distract you from the fact that the cutest boy you had ever seen was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for you, right in the middle of your field of vision.
You decided to swivel your stool towards the old clock instead. Seven minutes left before you could take your break. Your foot was tapping frantically on the white tiles. You were not sure if you wanted the minute hand to reach the 6 already or to stop right here in its track. Get this over with already or never have to talk to the boy again.
No matter how hard you tried to ignore his presence, you just could not. Maybe if the small TV mounted on the wall had been playing something a little bit more interesting than ads for beers and tampons you would have been able to, but sadly it was not the case.
You finally caved in, your gaze going back to him. Once again, you couldn’t help but stare at his shoulders. Unfortunately, he ended up turning around, catching you ogling. “Shit” you whispered under your breath, mortified. 
That was it, you thought. Even though there were still 2 more minutes left on the clock, you couldn’t stay here anymore. Otherwise you would have probably died of embarrassment by the time would be up.
You went to find the two popsicles you had put back into the freezer. You also decided to grab two cokes on your way out. You let out a loud breath, unsuccessfully trying to release the tension that had built up in your chest, before the sliding doors opened.
“Here” you said, holding out the popsicle and the drink to the boy. He grabbed it with a small “thank you” and a soft smile. The concrete burned the back of your thighs, left exposed by your worn-out denim shorts, when you sat by his side. The bright blue of the sky hurt your pupils. There wasn’t a single cloud on the horizon.
“I forgot how hot it was outside” you finally said. And you really meant it. It felt like you just went from a fridge to a 390 degrees oven.
“You work all day?” he asked, his face turning to yours. You noticed that he was already halfway through his coke. He must have been so thirsty. You felt bad for making him wait under the sun.
You nodded, as you took a sip of the beverage. “From 6 to 9. I start and finish my shift when the weather is still bearable” you explained.
You looked at your bare arms that were already heating up. They did not see the sun more than a few times this summer. You must have looked ill compared to the tanned vacationers. “I did not put sunscreen on” you said, thinking about how your mom used to nag you when you were young when you would stay under the sun for too long.
“You should probably go sit under the shade”, he suggested, his head turning to the plastic chair the convenience store had provided.
As you sat in it, you could not help but wonder if he purposely saved the place for you. It was positioned in such a way that you couldn’t clearly see the boy’s face, only his back and a bit of his profile. And what a profile. Chiseled jaw, delicate nose, pouty lips, pierced ears. You found yourself enjoying the view way more than you should have been. There was something so pleasant about being able to take a closer look at someone without being scrutinized back. But the lovely vision was disturbed by the beads of sweat that were forming at your eyebrows. You wiped it off quickly with the back of your hand.
“I fucking hate summer breaks” you sighed. The words came out harsher than you expected as you tore the fuchsia wrapper that protected the popsicle.
“Could not agree more” he said, between two licks. The way he was eating his popsicle was just sinful, you thought.
“Really? That’s an unpopular opinion though.”
“I guess I’m not used to breaks,” he shrugged.
“What do you do?” His answer had spiked your curiosity. He looked fairly young, around the same age as you. You wondered what kind of occupation would take up so much time of his life. Worker at a factory? Top athlete? Freelancer?  
Oddly enough, he took a few seconds to answer as if he was not sure himself. “I’m a hip-hop dancer” he finally said, turning around to see your reaction.
“No offense but that sounds like an all year long vacation to me” you teased him.
A laugh escaped his pink lips. Ringing and honest. It was music to your ears. “It’s really not, trust me. What about you?”.
“I’m a college student. I’m majoring in macroeconomics”. His once innocent smile turn into a teasing one. You rolled your eyes but the corners of your lips, already curling up, betrayed you. “I know. Sounds boring. It’s boring actually”.
“I always wondered what the usual college student day looks like”.
“Wake up. Eat. Drink. Party. Sleep. Repeat. Oh, and sometimes go to class,” you counted on your fingers.
“TV shows are not lying then?” he asked, cocking his brow.
“They are. They make it seem fun when in reality it’s just the same stupid people doing the same stupid shit every single day. It gets exhausting really quickly... Oh and don’t get me started on hangovers, they make you regret going everytime.” You stopped your rant there and went back to eating your popsicle, afraid that you might have made him uneasy.  
But it didn’t seem like it. Instead, he looked pensive, almost sad. “I wish I could live like that sometimes...”
“What’s keeping you from partying right now? You’re here with you parents?” Vacations were the perfect time to get wasted so it was surprising he did not seize the opportunity to do so, like all the other teens in town.
“I was supposed to, but something came up last minute. So, I’m all by myself. I don’t know anybody here,” he admitted. Although he turned his head to the other side, hiding his face from you, you could sense a bit of embarrassment in his voice.
You both fell silent, acting like you were too busy eating your popsicles to talk. You didn’t know when you decided to speak up. You couldn’t even remember what your train of thought was. But here you were, about to say a sentence you had never thought you would be saying to stranger one day.
“Hey, I’m meeting with my friends tonight. Do you wanna come?” The heat had probably melted your brain, you thought. There was no way you would have uttered those words if you had been in your right mind. You held your breath, waiting for his answer.
His eyes immediately went back to yours, lighting up with expectancy. “Will they be okay with it?”
“I think so. They always bring a plus one last minute without warning me. So that will be my revenge” you laughed, trying to conceal the nervousness that was growing in your stomach as you were realizing the implications of your offer.
“You sure?”
An old man was coming your way, a large shopping bag on his shoulders. A curse escaped your lips as you checked your phone. It was way past your break time. “If you insist, I’ll call them to ask. I gotta go.” As the client entered the shop, you quickly got up and threw the popsicle stick in the closest bin, along with the wrapper “I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with this popsicle, it’s really not that good”, you muttered on your way to the entrance. 
“Wait. Where do we meet up tonight?” he stuttered as he sprung to his feet.
“Be there by 9” you yelled before disappearing being the sliding doors.
-----
When the client left, his basket full of oranges and peaches, you decided to call your friend as promised. You reluctantly pressed Minju’s contact picture. In order to have your hands free and be able to refill the aisles with ramen packets, you stuck your phone between your ear and shoulder. You regretted it immediately when she picked up the phone, her loud voice hurting your eardrum.
“You better not be calling me to cancel tonight’s plans.” You’d be lying if you said that the absence of any kind of greetings came as a surprise. Her answer was easily explainable by the fact that your phone calls were rarely auspicious since you despised calling and only did it instead of texting when you had something to apologize for.
“Yeah, about that… Just wanted to warn you, I’m bringing a friend tonight”. You could not help but wince at your own words, already predicting her answer.
“You have other friends than us?” She asked in her famous mocking tone, making you regret instantly your prior boldness. It was so unlike you to invite a total stranger and Minju knew it too well.
“I met him recently, he comes to the shop everyday”, you tried to explain.
“He? A boy?” She gasped and your mind could clearly imagine her shocked face as if she was standing right in front of you, hands on the cheeks and mouth agape. You’re pretty sure your eyes rolled all the way back to your head.  
Your friend must have guessed it because you could hear her repressing a giggle. “Okay, okay” She said, regaining her composure. “What’s the lucky man’s name?” she allowed herself to ask. A sudden realization hit you.
You did not even know his name.
-----
As Hyunjin walked down the same street, his pace faster than usual, he felt his heartbeat increase and his hands getting clammy. The sun had not set yet, but the sky’s color had changed, shades of pink and oranges replacing the garish blue. A fresh breeze was tickling his nose and caressing his cheeks. The linen shirt he wore would probably come handy by the end of the night, when the air would have completely cooled off but for now, the tension in his body was making him sweat profusely. He felt like a frightened teenager going to his first party. Which, to be honest, was not that far from the truth.
When he entered the shop, you were running everywhere, apologizing for being late. He offered his help to close the shop, which you accepted but only after he insisted. Fifteen minutes later, as you were finally about to lower the shutters and leave, you stopped dead in your tracks.
“We can’t come empty handed”, you muttered to yourself. You went back into the 7/11 and grabbed a pack of beers and a bottle of coke from the fridge, as well as a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka behind the counter. The night promised to be eventful and Hyunjin could not help but feel slightly excited as if he was about to break the rules. And in fact, he was probably going to break his company’s rules tonight.
Even at this hour, the subway was packed by teenagers going out for the night and businessmen coming home late to their family. It forced the both of you to stay quiet, the chatters and the rails’s screeching making you unable to hear each other anyways.
Hyunjin caught a glimpse of your reflection in the window. You looked tired, staring into space, as you were holding the heavy bottles. He could sense that you definitely weren’t as excited as him to go out. Your body was slouching against the metal door, as if you carried the weight of the world on your shoulder.
At each station, you would mindlessly move aside to let people get on and off. He could not help but stare at your features that had seemed to age in a matter of hours. You looked jaded, as if you already saw everything that life had to offer you and that it did not live up to your expectations.
Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder if you regretted inviting him. He unsuccessfully tried to ease his mind by convincing himself it was probably the long day of work you had behind you and not his presence that was making this apathetic.
Moments later, you were already at the host’s door, pushing on the intercom’s button reluctantly. The person that picked up did not even care to ask you who you were before allowing you in.
Hyunjin was surprised there wasn’t any beer pong table or bowl of punch. No expensive mansion, no pool filled with girls in bikinis, no flashing lights, no blasting electro music. Only about twenty tipsy teenagers gathered around the couch and the dining table, sipping on cheap drinks and sharing cigarettes, listening to commercial music. It looked nothing like the movies but at least Hyunjin felt a little bit less nervous in this familiar setting.
-----
You could not bother to go around the room and say hi to everybody. Firstly, because you didn’t know at least half of the persons there and did not care to meet them. Mostly, because you spent the last month ghosting the people you did know and did not want to confront them. Instead, you went straight to the wooden dining table, barely visible under all the unhealthy snacks and beverages, where Minju was seated. 
“Here comes Y/N, guys”, she yelled as if you were the literal messiah, but thankfully nobody was listening, too busy getting wasted. When her eyes went from you to your guest, they doubled in size. 
“So, this is the guy you were hiding all this time”, she teased, and you could see the boy’s ears turning bright red, even in this dim lighting.
“I’m Minju,” she said, holding out her hand for him to shake.
“Hyunjin” he responded with a shy smile as their palms met. Even though you wanted to strangle her for embarrassing you in front of everybody, you had to admit her antics were useful for once, since it allowed you to finally learn the stranger’s name. And what a name. You found yourself repeating it in your head again and again and again… It fit his features perfectly: soft and dreamy.
You had to snap out of it, you thought. All these feelings were so out of character.  “I need a shot. Want one?” You asked Hyunjin. Before he could even answer, you were already grabbing the bottle of vodka and hastily pouring the liquor in two small glasses.
“Sure” he said as he reached for the alcohol. You clinked your glasses, looking straight into each other eyes, before downing the bitter liquid in one shot. His face contorted dramatically as soon as his lips touched the vodka, making you chuckle.
The lighthearted moment did not last long since you saw Jiwon coming in your direction. You had met him at you first Halloween college party. He was your typical frat boy, friendly and noisy, but mostly silly. To your surprise, he had taken interest in you and made his mission to transform you into an extrovert by the end of the year, which, by the way, did not happen and was not about to happen anytime soon. His intentions weren’t bad but his constant nagging about socializing only made you drift further away. And tonight, you definitely weren’t going to put up with his bullshit. When he reached the table, you avoided his gaze by reaching for the bottle once again.
“I might need another one” you muttered under your breath as you quickly poured yourself a second drink, swallowing it in a matter of second, your throat burning and chest warming up.
 “Y/N! It’s been a while. Where have you been?” Jiwon asked you, putting his arm around your shoulders. 
“Working” you replied curtly. The boy just laughed at your boorish behavior, used to it by now, and playfully shook your shoulder. 
“We’re gonna play ‘never have I ever’. Wanna join?” he asked at your intention but also at Hyunjin’s. 
“I’ll pass”, you immediately responded, not in the mood for revealing all your dirty little secrets to strangers. When were you ever in the mood, anyway? 
“If you didn’t already know Hyunjin, Y/N is the definition of a party pooper”, Minju slurred as if her mouth was full of marbles. You could already predict the fact that you’ll probably spend the end of your night holding your friend’s hair while she pukes in the toilets. “But I’m sure you’re much more fun than her”.
“It’s really not that hard.” Jiwon added, a teasing smile dancing on his lips.
Hyunjin looked at you as if he was asking your permission to participate in the drinking game. You suddenly felt guilty, realizing you were probably ruining his night by acting so sour. You nodded for him to go and not to worry about you. He smiled back at you as Minju was already grabbing him by the arm to drag him to the living room. He found a seat on the rug, between two pretty girls whose names and faces you couldn’t remember.
After hesitating between staying at the dining table, moping around and binging on sour cream and onion chips, or moving closer to the group of players, you decided to come and seat on the armrest of the sofa to observe the game. Hyunjin’s nervousness seemed to lessen a bit when he saw that you were now just in front of him, only separated by the coffee table filled with glasses, and you could not help but find it adorable. His eyes left yours to find Jiwon’s as he handed him a dark green bottle of beer.
“Okay so here is the twist. We’re gonna play the other way around. I say something I have done and people who never did it must drink. That way goody two-shoes get drunk for once. I’m sure the others don’t need help to get drunk anyways”, the girl on the right of Hyunjin explained and the partygoers approved loudly.
“I’ll start slow. I have had a blackout before” she said, a smile creeping up on her mouth. Hyunjin looked around as if he was waiting for some type of signal. When he saw a few other people drinking, he took a sip of his beer.
As expected, a guy was already bickering with his friend about whether or not he could really remember the time he danced naked on the kitchen counter on New Year’s Eve. With each statement, the players became more and more tipsy, more and more loud. It would usually get on your nerves and you would go take refuge in the bathroom to ease your growing headache, but surprisingly you did not mind the noise.
Probably because all you could pay attention to at the moment was the boy in front of you. You could not help but secretly watch his every move. You hoped nobody noticed you were staring. So far, he had drunk at almost every round. Thankfully it was just beer and not another strong liquor, otherwise he would have been too far gone to even be able to get up on his feet by now.
Your mind started wandering. It was filled with questions only him could answer but that you will probably never ask. You wondered what his life was like. You had never seen someone drink this much during a “never have I ever”. Certainly because people who knew they would be drinking this much usually abstained from participating. But Hyunjin looked like he was having the time of his life losing every single round.
How come someone like him had so little experience? He did not seem like the party animal type, so you weren’t surprised when he took large gulps when a girl said she had thrown up on a friend before and when a guy stated he once fell flat on his face because of how pissed out drunk he was. But how come he never had a long-term relationship nor a one-night stand? How come he never had to hide a hickey? How come he never broke up with someone? How come he never made out in public? To say the boy was a mystery to you would have been an understatement.
His actions were getting clumsier, his laugh getting louder, his lids getting heavier, his cheeks getting redder, yet you were mesmerized. The usual aversion you’d feel towards inebriated teens had magically vanished at his captivating sight. How could someone look this beautiful, even with their guard down?
As he finished his third bottle of beer, the blonde girl on his left was already opening him another one with her lighter. You could barely hear what he was saying to her above the music and the screams, but you sensed that the alcohol was starting to become a bit too much for him as she forced the drink in his reluctant hands.
“I’ll replace Hyunjin” you said, leaping up instantly to everyone’s surprise including Hyunjin’s. He stared at you with big eyes and you suddenly felt dumb, standing here while everybody was slumped on the Persian rug.
“Here comes your knight in shining armor, Hyunjin,” Jiwon said, breaking the awkward silence by laughing loudly as if it was the highlight of his night.  
“Are you scared your boyfriend is gonna get out of control, Y/N?”  the blonde asked, a smirk dancing on her bright red lips. Hearing your name in her mouth came as a surprise to you since you were pretty sure you had never seen her before. But it’s not like you paid attention to drunk girls at parties. You let out a forced laugh as you got around the coffee table, trying not to crush fingers or knock over red solo cups.
“I’m just way too sober for this shitty party”, you said while you finally managed to plop down gracelessly between Hyunjin and the blonde. You addressed her your biggest, brightest, sardonic smile before you snatched the bottle she was trying so hard to give to the boy from her.
You tried to avoid Hyunjin’s gaze by staring at the round stains left on the wooden table by previous glasses, as if it was the most interesting thing you ever saw. But it was impossible to ignore his presence when your bare shoulder was flushed against his. You suddenly became so aware of how cold your skin was compared to his. You felt your heart beat in your biceps. You secretly damned the vintage muscle tee he was wearing. You would probably have found it ugly on anybody else but, oh god, did it look good on him.
You finally dared to take a look at his face, only to meet his dark hooded eyes. He was looking straight into your soul, making you feel naked, stripped down from your armor. It seemed like any kind of shyness had left him as alcohol had infiltrated his body. You could have sworn he was gradually leaning forward, getting closer to your face inch by inch, second by second. As he suddenly lost his balance, you moved just in time to avoid his head, which ended up bumping against shoulder.
“Woah, sorry” he giggled while he grabbed onto your forearm for additional support. His fingertips were burning your skin, his smile was frying bour brain.
You could see Minju smirking out of the corner of your eyes, making you instantly get a hold on yourself. There was no way you would give your friend the satisfaction of seeing you flustered because of a boy.
“My turn,” you said, after clearing your throat. “I have gone skinny dipping before.”
-----
Hyunjin could not tell how much time had passed until he finally realized you had disappeared when he felt like he was on fire. Your coldness was gone and the little voice inside his head was urging him to go find it again.
He got up, his legs wobbly as if he was walking with high heels on quicksands, and wandered down the corridor. The alcohol had his head buzzing. He could not trust his senses anymore, his eyes were playing games, twisting and blurring his surroundings. Thankfully, there were no countless doors leading to dark rooms filled with strangers making out. Just your usual messy bedrooms and small bathroom, making it a lot easier to find you.
When he turned the silver knob of the second door, he was immediately warned by the scent of burnt tobacco. He could make out your figure, standing on the small balcony. Your features were lit by the moonlight. The smoke coming from your cigarette was creating shadows on your face and the fresh wind was blowing in your untamed baby hair. For the first time you looked soft, almost fragile.
You only seemed to notice his presence when he tripped on the windowsill, making a blaring noise that echoed into the empty street. Even though he was drunk, he could still see you were repressing a laugh.
“You look like you’re having fun” you said, backing onto the balustrade and crossing your arms over your chest, your halfway smoked cigarette stuck between your index and middle fingers.
“Yeah. Thanks for bringing me” he responded, climbing onto the bar of the balustrade like a kid would do to be able to look outside despite his small height. He did not know he had vertigo until he looked down the 5 stories. You grabbed him by the arm, pulling him back to the ground as his head was spinning. 
He stole your cigarette and brought it to his lips to take a drag. He immediately regretted his decision when the smoke burnt his esophagus, making him almost choke. He gave it back to you with a sheepish smile. But you seemed amused by his childish antics.
“My friends seem to like you a lot”, you said, ignoring his embarrassing attempt at acting like a bad boy. “I’d say even more than they like me”.
“No, they don’t” he snorted.
“Yes, they do” you chuckled. You took a long drag of your cigarette as you turned around to look at the moon. A cloud of smoke escaped your lips and nostrils, tingling Hyunjin’s unaccustomed nose. “But don’t worry. That was the reaction I was hoping for when I invited you.”
Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed. He could not quite comprehend what you were meaning by that and the alcohol flowing through his veins was probably not helping.
“I knew they would pay attention to you and not me. It’s a win-win situation. You’re having a great time and they’re leaving me in peace for once. I don’t think I would have been able to put up with another ‘why are you so quiet’ or ‘smile a little more’ comment”, you explained, addressing him a small smile. He noticed you were trying hard to hide a certain form a sadness, but it shone through your steel mask anyways. He could see it in the way your eyes would linger for too long on the accumulated ashes and your breath would shake.
“You really hate them, huh?” He realized his question was gauche a second too late. A silence settled in between the two of you, only disrupted by the sound of the wind blowing in the trees. The moon was almost full and there was no cloud in the navy sky to soften the light it shone on you.
“I don’t hate them. I hate the way they make me feel”, you finally admitted as if you were dying to say those words out loud for so long.
“How do they make you feel?” Hyunjin inquired hesitantly.
“Like I’m out of place” you said. “Have you ever felt lonely in a room full of people? I feel that way each time I show up to those parties. That is why I stopped coming. The worst thing is my friends try so hard to make me feel like I belong here, to the point that it becomes annoying. They keep on inviting me and dragging me everywhere they go. Yet, it doesn’t work.” You sighed heavily and flicked the ash at the tip of your cigarette. “The problem is not them. It’s me”, you muttered to yourself, but Hyunjin could hear the pain in your voice.
“And how do I make you feel?” He dared to ask, preparing himself to have his feelings hurt.
“Honestly? Jealous. I wonder how you do… this,” you said, waving your hand in his face.
“What is “this”?” he giggled.
“Being so charming.” You looked at your shoes, your cheeks flushing red as if complimenting him was the most embarrassing thing you had ever done. He could not help but find your behavior endearing. A teasing smile was painted on Hyunjin’s face, making you roll your eyes. He bumped your shoulder with his to get a laugh from you. He felt relieved to see you finally smile.  
“You’re gonna probably roll your eyes at what I’m gonna say but there aren’t only good sides to being well-liked” he started hesitantly.
Your reaction pushed him to continue. It looked like he had all your attention, like you were genuinely interested in knowing how he felt. It had always been hard for him to talk about it, even with his members since he didn’t want to be an additional burden. But he found a sense of comfort in telling an almost total stranger. If truth be told, he felt like he could tell you everything at this exact moment. 
“I’m always wondering if the person they like is the real me or the front I’m trying to put up every single day. I’m scared they’ll find out who I really am and get bored of me. Or even worst, disgusted by me”. He was so used to hiding every single one of his flaws. A perfect man, that is what he was always asked to be. Perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect outfit, perfect personality, perfect performance. He was taught the smallest misdemeanor would lead not only to his downfall, but his friends’ too. What a heavy burden to carry when you’re still just a lost and confused teenager. “I feel like an impostor.” His members probably felt the same way sometimes, but it was obsessing him. He couldn’t count the number of nights he stayed awake wondering if he really earned his place by working himself into the ground or if was just lucky to be born with a pretty face.
“Then who’s the real you?” you asked quietly. Your eyes were shining in the dark, your long lashes surrounding them like the petals of two rare flowers. He felt like he could dive into them, get lost in the abyss and never come back up to the surface, as if he would find the answer to your question there. For a minute, it seemed like he forgot how to breathe, how to think. He finally came back to his senses when you stubbed out your cigarette, breaking the entrancing contact between the two of you.
“An insecure and sensitive drama queen”, he said with a fake solemn tone like a spy revealing his real identity.  
“I would love to get to know her somedays” you joked, grinning from ear to ear. How badly he wanted to pinch your pink cheeks right now, to squeeze you so tight you’d pop in his arms.
“How about tonight?”
You spent the next few hours on the small balcony discussing your everyday lives, sharing your guiltiest pleasures, revealing your darkest secrets, keeping each other warm by huddling up. He discovered you were polar opposites. You despised coffee while he would kill for a good iced Americano. Hyunjin enjoyed listening to hip-hop, you preferred rock. You liked old black and white movies while he’d never say no to go see the new marvel one in theaters. He’d always pick sweet raspberry over any other flavor, but you’d choose bitter lemon. You strived at night, when no one was watching, whereas he lived under the constant spotlight, scrutinized by strangers. He felt like the sun and you looked like the moon. He was the summer, warm and welcoming, and you were the winter, cold and impenetrable. You were so far away from each other, worlds apart. Yet, never had he felt this close to someone before. In your presence, he felt at home.
The creaking sound of the door opening interrupted your conversation. “Guys, Yerin is kicking everybody out” Jiwon said. Minju, trying hard to keep her eyes open but loosing miserably against the alcohol and the sleepiness, was gripping the boy’s shoulder tightly, using him as a crutch.
“What time is it?” you asked, getting back inside the bedroom. Hyunjin followed reluctantly. Never had he hated someone more than Jiwon right now for putting an end to such a magical moment. He had to fight the urge to scream at the intruders to go away and leave the two of you alone. But it was too late, the atmosphere had already shifted, and you were back to the usual detached attitude you displayed in public.
“It’s already 3 am. I’m taking Minju back to her place” he answered. You thanked him, obviously relieved not to be the one in charge of taking care of your drunk best friend.
When your group arrived in the living room, Hyunjin saw a girl who was trying to clean up the mess the guests made. He would have offered his help if he had not seen that you were already out of the door, waiting for him. Jiwon and Minju left immediately in a yellow cab that was waiting for them.
Once again, you and Hyunjin were alone, surrounded by the silence of the dark night.
“I don’t wanna go home yet”, he whispered to himself, as he watched the few stars the polluted air of the city allowed him to see, his back pressed against the concrete wall of the building.
“Me neither”, you admitted. His heart jumped in his chest at the thought that you wanted to spend more time with him. His eyes dared to find yours. They were sparkling in excitement. A few hours ago, never he would have hoped to see you react in such a way. Only him seemed to be allowed to see this facet of yours. You made him feel so special.
“Let’s go somewhere else” he said.
“Where?”
That was a good question. Where do teenagers go in the middle of the night if it isn’t to a house party? “I’ve never been to a club before”, he suggested after racking his still foggy brain.
“Let’s make this night a night of firsts then”. Your cold fingers intertwined with his, sending shivers down his spine, as you dragged him in the alley lit by rusty streetlamps.
The night was young and so were the both of you.
-----
You couldn’t fathom how the fuck you ended up in a dingy night club at 3:30 AM, the place you despised the most on earth, right after public toilets and hospitals. Yesterday, a check to your name with at least two zeros would have been necessary to convince you to join the wasted partiers. Today, a sweet smile and a couple more shots of vodka had been more than enough. The effect the boy you met just a few weeks ago had on you was much more important than you would have liked to admit. How far were you capable to go for him if he asked you to? There was something scary about this intense sentiment you never felt before.
Hyunjin had you dancing in the middle of a crowd of total strangers as if nobody was watching. You, the person who was self-aware of every single one of her moves, constantly imagining how she looked in the eyes of the people surrounding her. For the first time, you let yourself truly exhale. You didn’t realize how long you had been holding your breath for.
Your intoxicated blood was pumping in your veins to the rhythm of the music blasting in your ears. Your limbs were moving as they wished, as if they had a mind of their own. The ground, sticky after all the drinks that were spilled on it, seemed to be rippling under your feet. Your whole world was tilting to the right, and then to the left, like a seesaw. Each flash of light felt like an additional shot of adrenaline. Your head was spinning and your vision getting hazier by the minute, making your eyes unable to distinguish the mass of sweaty bodies in the dark. But no matter how dizzy you were, you could still see him clearly.
Like Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky, Hyunjin shone. In a tide of people, you only had eyes for him. His body was moving in the most entrancing way, swinging so effortlessly to the beat of early 2010 hits. You couldn’t help but stare at his glistening neck, his collar bones left uncovered by his white muscle tee, his defined biceps, his swaying hips. Every inch of him seemed to be the work of Apollon.
You knew people were admiring him but you did not care. How could you be mad at them for taking a glimpse of such a beautiful sight? Especially when his eyes were never leaving yours, making you wonder what you did in your past life to deserve even a second of his attention.
You did not know how many hours went by, watching him recreating the most ridiculous dance steps he could remember to make you giggle and listening to him butchering your favorite childhood songs. At some point, you joined him. You screamed at the top of your lungs approximative lyrics that faded into uncontrollable bursts of laugher as he would catch you in his arms, make you twirl around and lift you in the air.  
As people were slowly leaving the club, you were coming down from your high. Hyunjin was holding you tighter and tighter, your chest crushed against his, not even an inch separating your bodies, as if he was scared you might vanish if he loosened up his embrace even just a little. You never were the affectionate type, too afraid getting closer to someone would only scare them away. Because this is how you’d normally react yourself. The proximity was terrifying, the intimacy even more. But being in Hyunjin’s arms just felt so right at this moment.
Suddenly, the music seemed to come from another room, so far away, muffled as if your head was underwater. You dared to remove your face from the crook of his neck. You were relieved when you saw his face. Relieved this was not just a dream, this was your present. You were both gasping for air, inhaling and exhaling at the same tempo.
Your fingertips found his right cheek, then grazed his cupid’s bow and finally touched his lower lip. They felt too rough against his plump mouth. No matter how hard you’d try, you would never be gentle enough for such delicate features, for such a pure soul, you thought. You would ruin him, destroy him, tear his heart apart. But then his hand wrapped around yours. He made you press your palm against his burning skin.
His deep brown eyes were screaming ‘You’re enough’. And for once you believed it.
-----
“There is one more thing I want to do tonight” Hyunjin told you.
The fresh breeze had replaced the smell of sweat and alcohol and all kinds of filthy things, as you exited the night club. The dew was already glistening on the blades of grass of the neighboring lawns, like thousands of diamonds. The dark sky, blurred by the morning mist, was just starting to lighten, turning shades of lilac and mauve. The sunrise would be soon, but the streetlights were still on, leading the way. The teenagers that were kicked out of the club looked lost and disoriented as if they had just regained consciousness after an endless dream, stumbling in the city streets at 6 in the morning on a Sunday.
Your makeup was smudged under your eyes, accentuating the dark shadows due to the lack of sleep. Your hair was a mess and your cheekbones red. Yet, the way you were looking at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity, made you look adorable.
“Which way is the ocean?” he asked you.
You cocked your eyebrow in confusion but pointed your thumb to your right anyways, giving up on guessing what he had in mind. He grabbed your hand, his fingers naturally intertwining with yours, and started to run in the direction you indicated, slaloming between the hangover teens.
Not once had he gone to see the ocean since he had arrived here. The loneliness had paralyzed him all this time. But now that you were by his sides, he had the strong urge to feel the sea spray on his face, the sand between his toes. To feel alive after all these days of numbness. And share this feeling with you.
He had to drag you for a few meters before you finally picked up the pace. The further you got away from the night club, the more the streets were deserted, the only living presences you encountered at this hour being stray cats searching for something to eat in the dumpsters.
“Wait” you faintly protested as you were already gasping for air after a few minutes of running.
“We have to hurry before the sun comes up” he told you, holding your hand a little tighter to give you some courage.
-----
When your Doc Martens finally sunk in the humid sand, your lungs were on fire and your heart was about to burst out of your ribcage. The slender boy did not let you catch your breath though. As you were bent in two, hands resting on your weakened knees and chest heaving, you saw Hyunjin taking off his shirt and his muscle tee out of the corner of your eye.
Taken aback by his sudden boldness, you stood back up abruptly. The way Hyunjin smirked at you made you realize you were staring a bit too obviously at his defined torso. You felt your face becoming even hotter when he pulled down his jean shorts. Once he threw his beat-up converse in the sand, only his blue boxers were left. Never in your life a boy’s behavior had made you this flustered.  
As your brain was trying to register what was happening, your started to stutter foolishly. But Hyunjin did not leave you the time to ask what the hell he was doing, already sprinting to the ocean. In an instant, the crashing waves swallowed him whole. You tried to catch a glimpse of him, but the foam formed by the sea’s eddies were making it impossible for you to distinguish his figure.
You did not know what took over you, probably the same unknown feeling that pushed you to dance in a filthy club, but here you were undressing hastily on a deserted beach at dawn. You ignored the shivers that traveled down your spine and the goosebumps that were appearing on your legs as you took off your shorts. You kept your large t-shirt on, not brave enough to show your whole body to him. You knew your courage would falter if you took too long to enter the cold water, so you ran and dove, headfirst.
The water felt like liquid ice against your skin, wrapping every inch of you, hugging you dearly. Your whole body went numb. If it wasn’t your stinging cuticles that were raw from the constant biting of your nails, you would have forgotten you were even made out of flesh. Forgotten that your existence did not just consist of a tired soul floating around aimlessly in the limbo. At last, everything felt so serene and at peace.
Ever since you learned how to swim, you had always loved the ocean. The feeling it procured you was still unrivaled to this day. It was better than alcohol, better than drugs, better than sex. Underwater, everything would stop for a moment. Your heartbeat would start to slow down, to the point you weren’t sure you were still alive. Your eyes would cease to see, and your ears would cease to hear. The whole world would go quiet. Those minutes of nothingness were all you wished for. They left you craving for more. But as the years went by, the beach wasn’t the refuge it used to be anymore. It slowly became a place of deep insecurities and social obligations. You stopped going, always declining your friends’ invitations. Only now were you realizing how much you missed the ocean’s embrace.  
When your lungs screamed in need of oxygen, you reluctantly swam back to the surface. The void the water left in your heart was immediately filled by Hyunjin’s smile.
“You’re crazy” you told him between two waves, your hands flailing around to keep your head over the troubled water. He beamed at you and you thought you could die happy right now, with the picture of his radiant face in mind.
You both let yourselves float on your backs, the water gently rocking you. The sun was peeking shyly on the horizon, like the flame of an old lighter, gradually turning the shades of blue and mauve into hues of orange and pink. You noticed the faint shadow of the moon, not wanting to leave just yet. Ribbons of golden clouds were now decorating the pale sky. The sea was no longer an abyss of dark blue, but now an infinite expanse of liquid gold, as the sun rays were dancing over its surface.
You were overwhelmed by such beauty, on the verge of tears. You weren’t sure if you had actually started crying or if your cheeks were just wet because of the ocean’s water. The memory of the last last time you watched the sunrise by the sea with your family came back. Your parents were still together at that time and your brother hadn’t left town to go study far away yet. Everything was so simple back then. You used to be so happy, so carefree, so eager. You thought you would never be able to feel this way ever again. You thought the best moments of your life were already behind you.
But Hyunjin proved you wrong. For the first time in years, you didn’t regret yesterday nor fear tomorrow. You didn’t think about the stupid shit you did at a party last year nor what you were going to do with your boring degree once you graduated. You didn’t wish time away, finally savoring the moment. You felt so alive by his side.
You didn’t know how long you were floating, watching silently the sky changing colors. Minutes, hours, months, years, an eternity had passed. When you finally got back on your feet, your fingers were all pruned. As you were about to get out of the water, Hyunjin grabbed your wrist. “There’s one last thing I want to do tonight” he told you.
“It’s not nighttime anymore,” you teased him.
But Hyunjin did not seem to be in the mood to joke around. The way he was staring at you so intensely made your chest ache in apprehension. He pulled gently on your wrist to bring you closer. So close you were able to see the droplets of water that clung onto his long eyelashes. The sunrise had turned his deep brown eyes into cognac-colored ones, shades of orange and amber tinting his irises. His tan skin was glowing, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was really a human or an otherworldly creature. Your breath hitched in your throat that had suddenly gone dry.
“Alright,” you said, in a voice that was quieter than you expected. You cleared your throat, trying to regain your composure. “But I swear to god, Hyunjin, if you ask me to jump off a cliff I - “
You were cut off by his plump lips, pressing softly against yours. Hyunjin kissed you tenderly, carefully, as if you were made of crystal. He tasted like salt and vodka, like holidays and sunshine. At this moment, you felt whole, complete. But he pulled away only seconds after, much to your dismay. His expectant eyes found yours. He seemed to be waiting for a response that would hopefully calm his nerves.
You wanted to scream ‘what were you waiting for all this time?’ but instead you just kissed him back, craving the feeling of his mouth on yours so badly. Your hands trailed up his shoulder and cupped his cheeks. The kiss grew more intense as his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you harder against his damp skin. Heat bloomed in the pit of your stomach, spreading ineluctably to the rest of your body. Hyunjin’s prior hesitation was long gone. His lips moved urgently, kissing you so hard you would have probably lost your balance if he wasn’t holding you this tight.
Your fingers pulled on his hair tie to free his bleached strands. You were finally able to run your fingers through his wet hair. You had been dying to do so all evening. You couldn’t help but tug slightly at the rough ends. You thought your heartbeat couldn’t get any faster until a soft moan escaped his lips, sending you over the edge.
Your head was spinning endlessly. Your mind was monopolized by the thought of him. Every bit of your sanity was out the window. You loved his blond hair that was a little too long. You cherished his delicate nose. You adored his full lips. You treasured the beauty mark under his eye. You worshipped his whole being.
When it all became too much for your body to handle, you reluctantly broke the kiss. You were both panting, breathing the same air as his forehead stayed pressed against yours. His thumb was rubbing slowly against your jaw and you couldn’t help but lean into his soothing touch. He looked so glorious, his eyes half-closed, and his lips swollen, that if you had listened to the mischievous voice in your head you would have devoured him at that very moment. But Hyunjin noticed the goosebumps that had spread across your arms and the way you were shivering. He finally became aware of the freezing waves that kept crashing against your thighs.
“We should go dry off before we catch a cold” he said to you with the sweetest smile, before leading you out of the water, his hand never leaving yours.
Just now did you realize how bad of an idea it had been to swim with your shirt still on. It was clinging onto every inch of your body, the salt making it even more uncomfortable. There was no way it would be dry before several hours, especially with the sun this low on the horizon. Once Hyunjin reached the pile of clothes you left on the sand, he handed you his linen shirt awkwardly and turned around to let you change. You couldn’t help but giggle at his adorable gesture.
You made sure nobody was watching, undressed as quickly as your sticky t-shirt allowed you to and put his shirt on. It was soft against your skin and smelled like his cologne. Hyunjin had taken the opportunity of you turning your back on him to put his tee and shorts back on. You laughed when you realized that he went commando, his dripping boxers still in his hand.
He tried to distract you from his blushing face by letting himself fall to the ground. You joined him, with a loud sigh, stretching you out on the golden sand that had just started to warm up. It was the first time in 24 hours that you were lying down but your eyes wouldn’t close.
“I can’t believe you never asked what my name was and just waited around to know it” Hyunjin laughed, interrupting your daydream.
You rolled on your stomach and leaned on your elbow so that you could look at him. “You didn’t ask what mine was either!” you exclaimed, on the defensive. But his infectious laugh only ringed louder in your ears. “I was stressed out, okay?” you pouted.  
“Did I make you flustered?” he smirked.
“Of course, you did!” you said like he had stated the obvious. “It’s not that often that a cute boy comes to the store every single day to buy freaking raspberry popsicles…”
“Maybe I didn’t only come to buy popsicles.”
“Oh really? I would have never thought,” you said ironically.
“Not gonna lie, I was kind of shocked that you finally talked to me” he said while his fingers tucked a piece of hair that was falling over your face behind your ear lovingly.
“Was I that scary?”
“Terrifying” he joked. You rolled your eyes and put his arm around you so that you could rest your head on his chest.
“Okay let’s start all over. Hi, my name is Y/N.” you said sticking out your hand for him to shake.
“Nice to meet you Y/N. My name is Hyunjin. Can we make out now?” he giggled, and you couldn’t help but hit him playfully.
You both grew silent as you admired the sky changing color. You snuggled your face in the crook of his neck, looking for his warmth. You wondered how he was always so warm, how he felt like pure sunshine. You thought you could spend your whole life here, just the two of you, laying on a beach at dawn, listening to his steady heartbeat, him playing with your wet hair. You would have wanted to catch this feeling in a bottle: happiness.
“Summer breaks aren’t so bad after all,” he whispered.
-----
Hyunjin’s shoulder had gone numb a long time ago but he didn’t dare to move, not wanting to disturb such a peaceful sight. You were sleeping, your mouth slightly agape, air coming in and out of it steadily. But when he felt like he would have to be amputated if he stayed like this one more second, he scooped up your head gently to put it on the sand. Unfortunately, your puffy eyes opened as soon as his skin wasn’t in contact with yours anymore, as if your body couldn’t bear to be separated from his.  
“What time is it?” you asked groggily, trying to cover your face from the sun that was already a lot higher in the blue sky.
He took his phone out of his pocket, careful not to put any sand on it. “8:47” he said.
“I really gotta go”, you sighed. But you didn’t get up.
You looked so comfortable, laying there, hugged by the warm sand. Your whole body, which used to look lifeless, was now bathing in sunlight. White linen had never looked this good, he thought. The way his shirt was draping over your figure mesmerized him. Your delicate collarbones were peeking right above the collar. He noticed every freckle on your face, every mole on your body, every stretchmark on your hips, every hair on your arms and legs. He loved all of it. He had to repress the urge to caress your skin, too scared he might go crazy if he did.
You finally decided to move, much to Hyunjin’s dismay. You emptied your boots of all the sand that had found its way in them before putting them back on. Hyunjin had never seen someone struggle this much to tie up their laces before. You both managed to stand up, despite the exhaustion and the soreness.
“And I really need some Advil” you said, wincing in pain once you were on your feet. Your head must have been pounding, just like his, after this long night of partying.
“Piggyback ride?” he offered, and you smiled. He collected all your clothes before he let you jump onto his back. You had a hard time doing it, having no strength left in your legs, but after a few attempts and a fit of laughter, Hyunjin managed to hook his arms under your thighs. He took one last look at the turbulent ocean, in order to imprint this moment in his memory, before returning to the streets.  
You acted like a GPS, indicating him the fastest way to get to the closest subway station. He had never seen a GPS be this confused though: you were changing your itinerary every two seconds and he was starting to wonder if you really knew were you were going. But the ways your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, your breath was caressing his cheeks and your hair was tickling his neck were totally making up for how exhausted he felt from carrying you for so long.
Once you finally reached the subway entrance after this long journey, he let you get down. Your hurtled down the stairs as you heard the loud screeching of the train getting closer. 
As expected on a Sunday morning, the car was almost empty, so you easily found two seats. You let your head fall onto Hyunjin shoulder. 
He couldn’t help but think about your previous ride. About how different it felt. About how world-weary you used to seem as you were staring out the window. It had only happened 12 hours earlier, but it seemed like eternity had passed since.
Sure, you still looked tired. But it was now a different kind of tiredness. The one that inevitably came after the excitement. The one you were trying so hard to fight not to miss any second of what the universe had planned for you. The one that was making you grin from ear to ear even though your eyelids were getting heavier. The one that meant you were still alive.
“I think this is my station,” you suddenly told him, interrupting his sweet reverie.  
You got up in a hurry and as your body got away from his, Hyunjin felt like someone had ripped off a part of him. You grabbed your still dripping shirt with the tips of your fingers. You stood up before him for a second, your expression unreadable, before making your way to the already opening doors.
But just before you reached them, you stopped dead in your tracks as if you had forgotten something. You walked back to Hyunjin and leaned in to press a chaste kiss on his lips. A goodbye kiss that tasted so sweet. Your hand caressed his jaw soflty and he couldn’t help but notice how your skin was a little warmer than the usual. 
The beeping of the doors startled the both of you. You rushed out just in time, giggling like a child. His heart broke a little when the doors closed behind you. You stayed on the platform while the train was leaving, waving your hand at Hyunjin. You looked like an angel in his white shirt that was fluttering in the wind, grinning candidly from ear to ear.
He did not know then it would be the last time he saw you.
You didn’t come to work on Monday and Hyunjin left for Seoul on Tuesday.
He didn’t know your number nor your address. 
He didn’t even know your last name. 
All the sudden, it seemed like you never existed. All he had left was the memory of you and surely this memory, one day, will become so old that Hyunjin himself will doubt of its reality, without any other witness to confirm it. He will probably think you were a creation of his lonely mind, a dream, a mirage. 
Who will even believe him when he would tell his first love story?  
But there was one thing he was sure of. He will never forget the look on your face.
Never forget how you finally seemed happy.
199 notes · View notes
shotosprincess · 4 years ago
Text
When he loves me — Iwa ♡︎ Oikawa
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LISTEN TO: “ CLOUD 9 “ — BEACH BUNNY
ART: UNKNOWN ( i found it as a sticker on picsart since i couldnt find any good iwaoi screencaps so if yk who the artist is plspls lmk !! ty !! )
。・:*:・-: ✧ :,。・:*:・゚☆
pairing: iwa x oikawa
summary: iwa shyly plays oikawa a song he wrote on a whim ,, and years later ,, after they fell apart ,, oikawa attends one of iwa’s concerts and hears their song,, the song,, once more .
genre: angst + fluff !! <3 ugh i love oikawa my bby but i absolutely love him and iwa together sm too ajjdjjf
a/n: 3am writing for comfort innit (•̀ᴗ•́)و smhsmh it’s lowkey so dramatic ?? idk why i was feeling so melancholic ?? but i live for the yearning anyways lmao <//3
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“ Hey...wanna...hear something I’ve been working on? “
Iwa’s voice shifted to one of a far softer tone, unusually uncertain of himself as he gripped the bedsheets beneath him in an anxious hold, turning away from Oikawa whilst a deep vermillion blush tainted his shy-stricken face.
The hazel-haired setter lifted his mouth into a gentle smile, skin mirroring a similar red to Iwa’s. His head lolled to the side, and Iwa swore he felt something flutter within him. The fist which he clutched the bedsheets within closed even further.
“ Sure, Iwa-chan! “
A hard gulp. Iwa swallowed his nerves down, fingers hovering over the strings of his freshly-purchased guitar, hesitant. Trembling, even.
Light wisps of brown swept just over Oikawa’s eyes as he put down the volleyball he had been mindlessly spinning, and covered Iwa’s hands with his own. He looked up with a reassuring grin, deepened-honey gaze colliding with one of the enchanting midnight sky.
“ It’s okay. It’s just me. But of course, you don’t have to play if you don’t wan— “
Iwa swats his hand away. “ Of course I wanna, dumbass! “ He barked.
With a frustrated huff, his fingers find a home amongst the sound as they begin to delicately strum the translucent strings. His eyes fell closed, lost in the music, albeit fairly cliche, as he wordlessly played the song which was most special to him.
For what reason it held such a cherished place in his heart, he did not know. Not truly, at least. Admittedly, he had written it purely on a whim, clutching onto the fleeting remnants of a foreign euphoric high. The crazed rush of fingers furiously clacking against the keyboard filled the silence of his room, lasting well into the evening. He had so much to say, so much to express, and yet it was only through the words appearing on the screen in which he could ever hope to communicate it.
He had never even planned on sharing it. After all, it was merely a crappy, rushed song put together purely by the rawness of an unknown emotion, and during ungodly hours of the night out of all times. It was nothing special, really.
To him, at least.
And yet in a hushed, timid tone, he began to sing:
“ I don’t wanna seem the way I do...but I’m confident when I’m with you... “
Oikawa’s lips parted in sheer awe. The delicate swirls of the instrumental blended flawlessly into the angelic quality of Iwa’s singing. His muscles tensed. He shook it away.
What the hell is this? Was he...nervous? No, no, it can’t be. This is Oikawa-fucking-Tooru we’re talking about!
He could do nothing but stare intently in a silent adoration as he allowed his heartbeat to meld with the smoothness of the melody, sweeping him out of Iwa-chan’s bedroom and into a whole other universe entirely. One where there exists no pain, no sadness, no fear. One where tears dried before they could even splatter upon the ground. One where everything was happy and perfect and...good.
IWA
Five years have passed, yet I miss him all the same. If anything, the ache has only grown to, somehow, prove itself increasingly unbearable over the time we’ve spent apart. My stare falls upon my guitar. Not the new one, which is this modern, flashy model with a bold red design, but my first-ever guitar, boasting its worn-out strings and dulled body. The hole in my heart digs itself impossibly deeper.
We had dated not long after that night—the night I played my song to him, and suddenly it became our song. We would whip it out like a handy party trick whenever we’d hangout with the rest of the team, and it was...nice to say the very least. Well, while it lasted, of course. Highschool love, teenage love, is constantly fleeting. Temporary. That was my philosophy at least, until Oikawa Tooru appeared and changed everything. I disregarded every sense of rationality, and all for the blissful rush of romance which he offered. The sneaking out, the small notes snuck into each other’s lockers, the way he draped his jacket over me when I got cold, the tender kisses shared in a darkened room.
I loved it. All of it. And when I lost him, I missed him too. All of him.
I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, though. After all, teenage love is but a transient feeling, is it not? I had to drill the reiteration of my old motto back into my head when we split, so that I may never allow myself to yield to the temptations of love, or at least the attractive promise of one, ever again. Eventually, we had to go our separate ways. He pursued volleyball, and I chased relentlessly after a different growing passion of mine, though honestly rather unexpected; music.
And now here I am. Sitting backstage at my own show, waiting patiently for my cue. My foot taps a random rhythm against the floor as I mentally debate with myself whether or not my choice for the opening song truly was the best option.
I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?
He might be watching.
Fair, but would he even recognize me? Does he even remember me at all? I mean, it’s been so long...
I think he’d remember something as sentimental as the song you first played him. I mean, you were the first guy he ever dated.
Yeah, keyword: “ dated “. He’s probably moved on by now.
Shit, do you think he’s found someone new already? What if he brought them to the show?
Nah, nah. That’s highly unlikely. Impossible, even. The latter, that is. It’s not exactly that popular of a show.
Right, you’re right. So there’s nothing to worry about. Hakuna-fuckin-matata, right?
I suck in a sharp breath as the lights come on, laughing dryly.
Hakuna-fuckin-matata.
OIKAWA
My hands fiddle with one another as I push my way past the busy crowd to find a spot amongst the front row. A cheery girl with astonishingly-saturated red hair and an almoat-overwhelming brightness about her, greets me. I scoff, amused.
A fangirl, no doubt. Charming.
“ Oikawa! Ohmygoshohmygosh, Oikawa Tooru!! Hi!! I’m—I’m— “
I glance at the front row, which is only a few steps away, as her blubbered words start to blur together. I laugh.
“ A fan, right? Want my autograph or something? A picture, maybe? “
Her eyes light up vastly and she begins to bounce up and down with the same enthusiasm I’ve noticed to be common among practically all fangirls.
“ YES! Ohmygosh, yesyesyesYES!! “
My grin widens as I click my blue pen, which I carry around for autographs ( oh, the pains of being famous ), and hurriedly sign my name on her collared shirt. It was a fairly pretty garment, I’ll admit, but at this moment I didn’t really care, and I’m sure neither did she, judging by the way she squealed excitedly and took a spam of what had to be a million-and-one selfies with it.
I finally find a place among the jumping people at the front, taking in the atmosphere. The lights dim, and brighter white ones turn on in their place.
The show is about to start.
IWA
“ Hey, everyone. I— “ The mic whines with feedback. I wince, wrapping my free hand around it and trying again.
“ I’m—I’m opening with a song that’s very dear to me. I wrote it way back in highschool, but it’s always stuck with me, kinda like a safety net...of sorts. I uh, hope you enjoy. “
Shit, why am I being so damn awkward? I’ve never been this awkward before a show. Maybe it’s because of that damn opening song. Oh well. Too late to back out now.
Irritated, I push the thought away, wetting my lips as the drowning claps and whoops from the crowd cheer me on. My hand hovers just over the strings. It’s shaking. No matter. I close my eyes, and imagine him holding them. Him encompassing my hands within the warmth of his, just like he did all those years, which were now lost in the past. Him looking at me, him telling me it’s okay. Him.
I breathe all my nerves out.
Him.
And I begin to play.
The awkwardness melts away almost instantaneously as I pour every dripping ounce of my heart out into the song, the music swelling wildly with every emotion I had forced in for the dreariness of these five years. My eyes shoot open when the chorus hits. I feel like I’m king of the world.
I catch a familiar set of eyes. Richly brown. Deep.
Oh shit.
My breath hitches when I realize who they belong to; Him. His. He-
No, no, it couldn’t be. Could it?
It felt too real, as if I’ve somehow managed to reduce his very existence to nothing but romanticized self indulgent daydreams of what we once had, woven into the vast vagueness of song lyrics with a naïve hope of what could’ve been. And now here he was, at my concert of all places, for god knows what reason. The colourful lights fell upon his face in the most flattering manner, though admittedly I suppose anything would be flattering on him either way. But under this light especially, at my concert, he looked nothing short of perfect. Of lovely.
But of course he was. This was Oikawa-fucking-Tooru, after all.
The chorus hits with a sharp accent. I belt with all that I am, for the boy who took a rough sketch of a dream and made it reality, for the boy who found an unmatched sense of home among those of his highschool volleyball team, for the boy who wound up so foolishly falling in love with his best friend. For him, for my fans, but most of all, for me.
“ But when he loves me, I feel like I’m floating, when he calls me pretty, I feel like somebody— “
I maintain eye contact with him. It’s scary, burning holes into my tattered soul, which I had pieced together so carefully with cathartic lyrics scratched into the pages of creased notebooks. I’m secretly scared that his gaze will somehow break it all down again. But that’s when I finally understand; it’s him. This, this song, it’s about him. It’s always been about him. There will be no one else, could be no one else for me. That...sheer elation, the unfiltered emotion which sparked this song to begin with—I understood now. That was love. More specifically, love which my chest held for Oikawa. It’s as if I’ve been harshly disillusioned to see what I’d been unconsciously denying all these years, seeing him here. It’s always been Oikawa. How could I not have known? After all, I’m constantly recalling the day he held me in a tight embrace after one of our best matches, happy tears staining my damp jersey as he whispered in my ear the praise I’ve subconsciously always wished to hear.
“ You did good. “
Though it seems painfully mundane, simple to anyone else, it was...different, coming from his lips, hearing it in his voice. I took that compliment and kept it close to me for all eternity, immortalizing it within the varying notes of this song. I stare right back at him with a newfound fervour, an unknown intent, a epiphanic strength.
“ Even when we fade eventually to nothing, you will always be my favourite form of lovely. “
His eyes widen.
OIKAWA
My heart clenches as Iwa freely powers through the rest of the song. But during this moment, it feels as though it was created solely for us. As if the universe, as if fate itself had decided that despite the harshness of this world, and every little force fighting to keep us apart, this one moment, if anything, was ours. Truly ours. Our song, our moment. Ours. Time suspended itself indefinitely as the onyx hearth of his gaze finally met with mine. Unexpectedly enough, it stayed there.
And everything fell into place.
The song didn’t take me to a paradise without tears, or pain, or sorrow anymore. It took me to a place with Iwa in it. I realize now that...I want the tears. I want the pain. I want the grief. I want the good and the bad and the light and the dark, so long as I can have Iwa there with me through it all. I want him. All of him. I’ve want to love him enough to love his “ unglam “ moments and his admirable aspects all the same. I want to be there with him through every body-wrecking tear, every hearty laugh, and every glimmer of happiness. I want to be able to see the face he makes during a scary movie, to open an umbrella for him during the rain. I want to see the sunlight glow upon his cheek, I want to count the stars with him until I fall asleep. I want everything about him, for to me, he is everything. And it’s this song...this damned song which brought it all back.
It was ours. And I realize now...it was about...me. I mean, I’ll admit that I’ve always been a little more on the conceited side, but how could you deny it? It had to be. It had to. Had to. I wanted it to, at least. I wanted it to be about me so desperately, it sent a cold pain through my chest. A single, lonely tear falls down my cheek as the crowd around me erupts into a sea of laughter and off-tune singing from the audience.
What if it wasn’t? I mean, you guys broke up. You told him you moved on. Yes, it was a lie to lessen the pain, but he didn’t know that. What if it was about someone else completely and you’d just been an idiot this whole time? What if—
The concert comes to a close much faster than I thought it would, much faster than I would’ve ever wished for it to. I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, but my legs move before I even have a chance to question them. I’ve always been one to think before acting, hence why I’m such a star on the court, but this time, my emotions seem to be taking over. I don’t know what’s come over me, what this unusual, hot feeling is. It’s exciting and intimidating all at once, and I hate it because I know what it must be. In a hot flash, I find myself standing at the door of Iwa’s changing room. How many bodyguards I must have recklessly shoved out of the way to get here in the blur of adrenaline, I don’t even want to begin to think about.
My hand freezes over the door. “ Iwa “ is engraved in bold gold letters with a deeply-etched star sticking out at the bottom. Taking a deep breath, I knock frantically.
“ I-Iwa-chan? It’s uh...it’s Oikawa. “
IWA
I pause in the midst of buttoning up my shirt. A solid three are left undone. But his voice...how could I ignore it? Ignore him? I haven’t heard his voice in what feels like eternity, but I’d be kidding myself if I had said I’d forgotten it. The constant yearning was always so irritating. Such a pain. At least it made for decent music, I mean, I’ve been booking shows. But alas, one problem before another.
“ O-Oikawa? “ I slowly pace to the doorknob as I twist it open.
Holy shit.
It is him after all. He hasn’t changed a bit. He remains the charming, handsome man I remember him to be, even after all this time has passed.
“ How’d you get—why are you here? “
“ Iwa, there’s...there’s just...there’s something I need to ask. “
“ Huh? “
“ That song...our song.... “
“ Shit, right! I, uh...sorry. I didn’t ask you about it because I honestly didn’t expect you to show up at all. It’s been what, five years? “ I stumble subtly over my words, rubbing the back of my neck.
He turns away sheepishly. Almost...longingly, even.
“ Yeah...it has. “
He clicks his tongue.
“ Who, uh...who was that song about? The curiosity’s been eating at me. “
A heat rises to my cheeks. A pause.
“ I—It—Ugh, fuck it. “
I’ve never been the best at talking directly to Oikawa, not since I realized that what I felt for him extended to something past the bounds of friendship. So I decided to do the only thing I knew to do in that moment—show him instead.
My lips crash against his as he slams the door behind him. The palpable tension between us is shattered immediately, and everything is faded out into insignificance. All that matters is the man in my arms, the man I’d been longing so desperately, so hopelessly for all this fucking time. I kiss him against the smoothness of the door, hands immediately trailing to his soft locks. I twirl and twine them as I see flashes, bright hues of heaven itself. His lips upon mine are the most perfect fit. His touch is painfully intoxicating, and I show him, wordlessly, with an unparalleled fervour—just who the song was about. He melts into it, matching my energy with a foreign sense of passion.
OIKAWA
“ Do you think...the universe is gonna try to separate us again? “ I ask softly, voice barely even a whisper. Tears wet my lashes at the very thought of being without him again. For those five years, though I was living my dream...it didn’t feel complete. Not without him. I blink them away aggressively, focusing on the night sky above us. My head is resting in his lap, and we’re simply...existing together beneath the curtain of darkened pools which hung above our twined bodies.
Iwa strokes my hair nonchalantly as he interlocks his fingers with mine. “ Of course. It always will. But we found each other didn’t we? And even after...even after this life has passed and we’re reduced to nothing but ash, I’m convinced we’ll meet again. One way or another. “
He tucks a straying tuft of hair from brushing my lashes.
“ Even then...even then you’ll still be my favourite form of lovely. Or whatever. “ He scoffs at his own over-poetic response, looking away with a tiny smirk.
“ Okay, Mr. Songwriter! “ I tease, nudging his side in a playful manner.
He rolls his eyes, bending down to kiss me once more.
For the first time in a long time, I feel complete. I’m on cloud 9.
11 notes · View notes
reeesea · 4 years ago
Text
Something Sweet: Part Five
~sweeter shifts~
one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine
pairing: minsung, jisung/minho
warning: mild language
words: 2k ish
summary: That feeling you get when your friend visits you at work? yeah that. Thats all this is...
a/n: Its been a little rough, but heres a short chapter i hope u enjoy <3
 -----------
Felix stood behind the counter at the convenience store on the corner of two intersecting districts. He was a few hours into his overnight shift. Usually he could do homework on these late nights, but with it being summer, he found himself antsy and daydreaming his shift away. His brain was busy re-running his dance routines for upcoming performances and auditions that he had been working on, as customers periodically filtered in the store. 
Not many customers came in other than the few students pulling all-nighters and night shift workers coming in for a bite to eat. Felix had begun to recognize a few faces as some had solidified themselves as regulars. 
A black hooded figure came in close to 3am. Even though Felix had never really seen much of the guy's face he recognized the black hoodie and mask wearing guy as a regular around his late night shifts. He was interesting, not like the obvious tired student of the late night business worker. He had no idea what it was that brought him to the convenience store at the ungodly hours of the morning.
Felix always liked to make guesses as to what lives his especially mysterious customers lived. He had already imagined the black hoodied regular as a b-list idol group member. Then a gym instructor, but mostly due to the one time he came in with a cut off shirt and Felix was taken aback by the size of the man’s arms. Most recently he imagined that the other could’ve been a bartender, because of the pretty consistent time he arrives in the late am on weekends. 
This random Thursday night though, the dark figure, back in his usual hoodie, gathered various energy drinks and cup ramens from the back shelves, and brought them out to the check out. 
“Is this all for tonight?”
“Oh yeah thats all” 
Felix began ringing up his purchases when the other spoke up suddenly.
“We’ve met before, I’m not crazy or anything right?”
“Huh?” Felix looked up confused as the man usually seldom said anything during his late night purchases.
“Yeah I thought I recognized your name, You’re Minho”s, Jisung’s friend’s, roommate, right?” Felix nodded in return but the confused look on his face sparked the other to remember that he was wearing a mask and hat that covered most of his features. Removing the mask revealed that behind it were the sharp features of Changbin, one of three artists that formed 3RACHA, that Yes, Felix had actually just met that past weekend.
Felix’s eyes widened at the sudden realization that one of his regulars was actually a member of his favorite group of artists. ‘Holy fucking shit, I am actually blind, godamn it Felix’
“Y-Yes, thats me. Sorry I didn't recognize you, I-uh didn’t realize that you, were uh- you.” ‘Smooth Lix wow’
Changbin chuckled at the freckled boys stutter. “That’s alright, I tend to forget that I'm wearing my mask sometimes. Anyway I recognized you when you were dancing last weekend, and when you had introduced yourself.” Felix was trying his best to internalize his anxious starstruck feelings. “We watched your performance, and I was trying to find a day to come here and tell you that your crew’s performance was really good.” 
Okay yeah that was it, Felix’s eyes were practically falling out of his head with how wide his expression was. “Really? You liked it? That’s really awesome. Thank you so much. That really means a lot coming from you not gonna lie.” Felix’s pride for his crew was nothing small and the validation and praise from someone he is a fan of himself, makes his heart soar. 
The smile on his face is so wide and genuine and the light that flickers in his eyes lit up the whole store, even in the middle of the night. Changbin thought that his smile felt something like sunshine, and reminded him of the warmth Jisung emitted when he was at his happiest, but of course he would never tell the other that. Changbin caught himself smiling back involuntarily. 
“Yeah, we’ll have to come watch you guys again sometime.” 
Felix nodded vigorously at that and finished checking out the items the older had brought to the counter. Neither of the twos smiles seemed to completely fade from their faces. 
“Thank you Felix-ssi, have a good night.” 
“You too!” Felix replied and bowed respectively to the older. 
Changbin replaced the mask on his face but found himself still smiling at the encounter with the boy as he walked bac home. 
[~roomies uwu~]
3:25 am
Lixie:
someone please fuking tell me how stupid i am 
Minnie hyung:
we usually dont, to spare your feelings 
Lixie:
I just embarrassed myself in front of CHangbin-ssi!!!
ALSO since when did 3RACHA live in this neighborhood
Hes been coming into the store for months 
But i never recognized him until now???
I must be idiotic
Someone change my name to ‘blind fool’ 
It is now the only title i deserve ;^;
Jinnie bby:
It is way to early for you to be this dramatic luv~
Lixie:
The overnight shift drama sleeps for no one >:}
---
“Alright, I’ll put that right in for you. I hope you enjoy your cocktails in the mean time.” Minho flashes his sickening sweet server smile at the couple, before heading to his station to input the orders. There had been a steady flow of customers at Menu 98 keeping Minho busy for his dinner shift. Thankful to not be closing, Minho was doing his best to maintain his polite persona without glancing at his watch too often. Time always passed slower, when he found himself counting his hours. 
Before moving on to check on a previous table, Seungmin waves him down letting him know he has a new table to wait, but not before catching his arm. Usually he would find a Seungmin attached to his elbow if the other wanted to share some gossip about a recent customer, or something of the sort. Expecting the same Minho’s ears peaked with interest. 
“You got a new table.” That’s unsurprising. “And they’re asking specifically for you.” That’s more surprising.
“Wait, what?”
“I don't know, you tell me. Any rich, wide-eyed, twenty-somethings, you forgot to tell me about, hyung?” 
Minho thought the eyebrow raise from the younger was a little much given the circumstances. The few seconds of silence that pass between them gave Seungmin all the information he was looking for but a sigh still escapes his lips at the stubbornness of the other. 
“Well one, Han Jisung, is waiting in section B for you.” Seungmin scurries off to return to the front, a suspicious look in his expression. Minho hadn’t really brought up much of his personal life to Seungmin, but the host hadn’t stopped his prodding ever since he had turned up to work, as Seungmin says it, glowing and smiling like a newlywed. Minho wasn’t sure if he was actually acting much different since beginning to talk to Jisung, but apparently the shift in his mood was enough to confirm to his coworker that something was up. Minho already knew that Seungmin would have a field day if he found out that he had actually first met Jisung at the restaurant and hadn’t told him. But keeping his work friend on his toes, spices up his otherwise monotonous job. 
---
“Good evening sir, would you like to order any appetizers or drinks to start off?” Minho found himself instinctually throwing on his polite grin and playing the part of a perfect waiter. Well, at least for the time being. 
“Hm idk Min-hyung, you ordered for me last time, got any suggestions.” Jisung, seemingly unphased by Minho’s generic opening line, barely looked up from the menu as the older had approached him. Being sure to make direct eye contact, Jisung then smiled cheekily, “but I think we both know I didn’t come here for the fancy food and fruity drinks.”
Minho tried not to roll his eyes too obviously, as his smile morphed into a smirk to match the younger’s, “Perhaps, but if you don't order anything, I'll have to ask you to leave, because sadly, you can not pay just to look at my pretty face.”  
“That's a shame I would've ordered five hours of that up front if it was on the menu.” The chuckle coming from Minho was enough to already ease the nerves that Jisung had been feeling since he last saw him. 
“Well, Lucky for me, sad for you, I’m not working for five more hours, sorry to disappoint.” 
“When do you get off then kind sir?” The goofy voice he used brought back the smile he had been aching to see, and made any of the embarrassment he may have felt worth it. 
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I would yes.” JIsung smiled, batting his eyelashes, a part of him knew it probably wouldn’t be that easy. 
“Well not to worry, it looks like I can start you off with some water, and complimentary sides, while I give you some more time to look over the menu.”
“Hyung wai-” Minho walked off but not before sending a subtle wink the other’s way. Jisung ears may or may not have turned bright red, but thankfully, there was no one there to tease this time.
---
Jisung ended up ordering another one of Minho’s suggestions, this time it was a marinated sea bass filet that came with a similar fried potato side to the burger he had chosen the first time. Although the fish was perfectly cooked and seasoned, to Jisung it still felt like a fancy version of fish and chips. Minho had giggled at that when Jisung suggested they rename it some bass-related pun, ‘for the kids, ya know.’
“So are you going to tell me how what time you get off, or are really gonna let my dumb ass sit outside the restaurant and wait for how many hours it is until you’re done”
Minho laughed at the image of Jisung waiting for him like a stray outside. “Tempting I'm not gonna lie, but It's not for much longer. AND if you're interested there's a bar next door that may or may not be my usual after dinner shift destination.” 
Jisung couldn’t help but smile at that. “REally? That sounds great.” He couldn’t lie that he had spent most of his free time thinking about when he could see MInho next. Probably not the best timing granted that 3RACHA has been busy preparing for their album debut, but a part of him couldn't help but feel all warm inside at the prospect of getting to know Minho better in person.
“Okay, well then i'll see you there? Yeah?”
Minho nods gently with his own giddy smile to match.
The infamous heart-shaped grin was in its full form once Minho had suggested their next meeting place, and Minho could feel his heart leaping at that happiness that Jisung’s smile emitted. Jisung about leaped out of his chair after paying. Practically dancing his way next door to said bar, and for the first time that week Jisung felt like a song was writing itself in his head.
---
“It's him isn't it”
“Who?”
“The reason that your smiling so much, but like actually, not that dead inside expression you give me when I tell you ‘cheer up’”
“Hmmm” Minho’s ability to play dumb? Top tier. Sadly Minho’s ability to lie to Seungmin? Absolute trash.
“Come on Hyung! Just tell me!!!” Seungmin was exasperated. This wasn’t the first time he had confronted Minho about what was going on, and maybe one too many times had resulted in Minho’s signature move, the ‘I don’t want to tell you, so instead will change the subject’.
Fine. “HMM hmmmmmmm….ok….maybe we’ve been talking for a while-”
“OH MY GOD FINALLY! I knew it as soon as he walked in the door. He was all heart-eyes asking for you, and for when you get off.”
“Wait, did you tell him when my shift was over?” 
“God no, that's gotta be against some employee code.”
“Oh okay good.”
“But you're off now anyways right? Is he going to wait for you? Are you going out- oh my god he's definitely waiting for you. Have you seen how much he tipped? You sure he isn't some bizarre 20 year old sugar daddy?”
“Seungmin!”
“Okay Sorry, I'm just excited for you. You never tell me anything. All I know about you is that you’re a dancer and you worked in a bar before here.”
“Its was a host bar actually”
“Wait what?!” 
“Well, if you look at the time. As you’ve said I have a sugar daddy waiting for me, bye bye now” 
“Wait hyung what the fuck!” 
---
one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine
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localspirit · 4 years ago
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Ah I’m interested in all! I assume beginning to look into spirituality will help me in the future when it comes to spirits and such! I have communicated with a ghost/ghosts before so I think I’m naturally a little more ‘open’ to spirits than the average person but I don’t really know how this works.
under the cut bc its so long!
wow thats AWESOME!!! ive been interested in spirits, spirituality, some aspects of religion like djinn for as long as i can remember but wasnt able to communicate with spirits until recently.
pendulums do you own a pendulum? it doesnt have to be anything fancy, mine ended up being a fake crystal i got from a friend that was on a necklace. out of boredom and slight curiosity i asked a yes/no question and it just started swinging with the right answer... it was really freaky!! some people believe pendulums are a scam, some think that its your arm unconsciously moving with the right answer, some think that its you tapping into your third eye clairvoyance, and some think its an angel communicating thru it. mine ended up being an angel! it took a very long time bc i had to go thru the alphabet but my pendulum uses he/him prns and his name is azhu. he says hes not a guardian angel or an angel sent by a higher power. pendulums have their own way on saying yes/no, so if you ever do get one, make sure you know what its swinging means! azhu goes left/right for no, up/down for yes, and in circles or unsure. he's predicted things like my (unpredictable, unstable) health and what college i'll end up going to, and when. pendulums can also 100% be used to communicate with spirits and djinn- that's my main form of communication!
spirits with spirits i kinda jumped into it rlly fast. remember that phase in 2016 where people on yt were like 'i bought a HAUNTED DOLL from EBAY... SCARY 3AM OUIJA'?? i suddenly remembered that. and was like... lemme have a look here. i really did just go on ebay and look at haunted dolls and thats where i met my 'first' spirit vessel i was connected to. you dont really question it, if you find yourself completely drawn into a spirit doll/toy/jewelry piece (aka vessel), theyre calling out to you. it was mean to be! spirits can be 'evil or good', but i prefer the terms 'positive and negative'. a spirit can be positive but very sad and troubled and have a bad temper. spirits can be 'evil' and seem like the sweetest things ever. to be sure, i ask my pendulum which one they are. it turns out i owned three spirit vessels and i didnt even know until my pendulum told me!! i was very attached and affectionate to them (theyre old thrifted/collectable toys) to the point where i found it a bit strange. the spirits explain it. and btw, just because a spirit has a vessel, doesnt mean theyre inside of it or anything... idk think of it as an anchor or something. they can wander around, but they can always find their way back to their vessel. a spirit can have a vessel for 100 years, or pick a new vessel very frequently. asking for activity right away annoys the hell out of them. i find asking 'how did you die?' right away a bit rude too... its like going up to a stranger with a large scar on their face shouting 'what happened to your face?'. i always ask the spirit 'is it okay to ask about your death?' before going any further. some spirits show great activity, some dont show much at all. never force it out of them! they arent a show. they have feelings and stuff! if you wanna know more about spirits i recommend watching videos from ppl with ACTUAL INFORMATIVE vids on their spirit dolls, not just the 'scary 3am ouija’ vids. i also recommend going through ebay and just typing in 'spirit vessel' instead of 'haunted doll', and just taking the time to read their descriptions. all spirits have a story!
djinn im pretty new to djinn myself! some ppl on the stricter side of islam swear that all djinn are evil and work for the devil which isnt true at all... there are lots of types of djinn, most i dont know myself!!! most djinn seek a relationship with humans, platonic or romantic. there are khodam (friendliest afaik, 'grant wishes' to humans), marid (my djinn friend! works with water. possibly a mermaid? srs.), ifrit (mischievous, want to see humans suffer), shiatan (works for the devil i think), etc. this is where things get a little hard to believe so pls pls do your research. a lot of djinn conjurers and people who work with djinn claim that djinn can be vampires, elves, succubi, faeries, mermaids, 'aliens'/starseeds, etc... which i think is SUPER cool. hundreds of people who have worked with them swear by it. people say djinn helped with the egyptian pyramids. they have their own appearance they can tell you like height and eye color, and preferences to anything. most really do want to help out humans, i wouldnt say GRANT them, but definitely wave off any negativity coming your way and to shove you on the right path. they can be really protective. king djinn can have hundreds of thousands of djinn working for them. DEFINITELY do your own research, a lot of it before having a djinn attached to a vessel you own, or purchasing a vessel from a conjurer. i really do recommend just taking your time one day to scroll through etsy when you search 'djinn vessel' and just taking the time to read their descriptions, and LOOKING AT THE REVIEWS. i was skeptical and then i saw '85 reviews under item, 5/5 stars'. i read every single review, every description, everything i can. u can learn so much from peoples experiences. it really is amazing!! 
just to be clear i didnt conjure my djinn myself ! i contacted a conjurer on etsy when i was ready and she literally had him attached to my ring in SECONDS. it was crazy. you can find her here! 
misc a big part of spirituality is learning about your chakras, unblocking them, and eventually opening your third eye. there are lots of informative videos on chakras, and im still tryna open my third eye myself! i meditate every few days and have been close to astral travel (which some spirits can interact with you through! dreams too. theyre called 'dream walkers'.). i REALLY recommend binaural beats videos for meditation, not just rain noises or something. like this . there are thousands of videos for this kinda stuff... take the time and find one that works best for you! if you need ANY clarification or anything just lmk because i love talking about this stuff and im sure i left lots out okay!!! i also have a spirituality page you can find here!!
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hollowempire · 5 years ago
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“Shit, Jayden.” || Norman Jayden x Reader
Request: none
Summary: Despite their difficult relationship, Norman comes to y/n for help after getting beat up.
Word count: 1,528
WARNING: mention of drug use, description of injuries, swearing
A/N: when I was playing Heavy Rain there was a fight every scene like damn can I breathe? (also I did the Mad Jack fight with barely any screw up so idk what would’ve happened in he got injured and made stuff up for that part here)
“Shit, Jayden!” y/n exclaimed after opening the door. This had become a common thing for her to shout, whether it was for doing something crazy on a case or just because she was mad at him... which was often.
“Help me,” he said, struggling to hold him self up against the doorframe.
Y/n stuttered for a moment, deciding against speaking and instead pulled him inside, draping his arm over her shoulder as she practically dragged him over to the couch. Norman groaned as she lifted his head to put a pillow under, the part where Mad Jack had hit him with the pipe still stung badly.
Y/n muttered swears the whole way to the kitchen where she kept her first aid kit and the whole way back. Her breathing was quick, hands slightly shaky as she opened the box.
“Will you calm down? I’m the one who got beat up here,” Norman said, wincing at the pain raising his voice like that caused him.
“I’m sorry, I just-”
“Just shut up and fix me... please.” he interrupted, giving her a begging look at the end.
“Take off your shirt.” y/n commanded, lifting herself up to sit on the edge of the couch. Norman, sat up and complied. Some pretty nasty bruises were forming across his back and shoulders.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?”
“Shit, what the hell happened?” y/n asked, pressing an ice pack to the part where the bruising was worse. Norman took it from her and continued to hold it there as y/n moved onto his other injuries.
There were a couple cuts scattered on his body from when Mad Jack had thrown him on top of a car and shattered the glass window. Y/n did her best to remove the remaining glass bits. The bleeding had mostly stopped by then, so she cleaned up the cuts and wrapped them as he began to explain what happened.
“I was following up a lead on the Origami Killer case. The killer’s car was purchased from a man named Mad Jack. He stole cars and sold them, so I went to check out the scrapyard where he worked. He find me snooping around with ARI and attacked me... I won and had him at gunpoint when...” he cut off, clearing his throat and looking away from y/n.
“When what?” y/n asked, finishing up on the last cut.
“Doesn’t mater.”
“Dammit, Norman, what?” y/n exclaimed, forcing him to look at her. He was stuck. He’d have to tell her.
“I got all light headed and my vision began to blur, I felt that my nose began to bleed...” he drifted off again, but he didn’t need to finish. Y/n knew those were the triptocaine withdrawal symptoms.
Standing up, y/n dragged a hand over her face. “Shit, Jayden...” y/n said quietly. She then sat down next to Norman and didn’t meet his worried gaze. “Just finish telling me what happened.”
“I, uh, went for the tripto and dropped it, so when I fell over Mad Jack knocked me out and handcuffed me to the steering wheel of my car and picked it up with his machine. He turned on the car crusher and began driving towards it. He clearly planned to kill me that way but I managed to escaped in time. When I got up he was no longer in his vehicle and attacked me. We fought a bit more before he was crushed under the still machine.”
Without thinking, y/n reached and arm over Norman’s shoulder and pulled him to her. He didn’t resist, instead scooting closing to her to get more comfortable.
“Do you want me to get you some clean clothes? I mostly wear things too big for me outside of work so I should have something that’ll fit you.” y/n asked. Norman nodded and y/n left to get them.
When y/n came back, Norman was clutching the fabric of his pants, trying to get his hands to stop shaking. She placed the sweatshirt and pants she brought down beside him and took his hands in here, giving them a light squeeze.
Norman took a deep breath and stoop up, rocking slightly on his feet before taking the clothes and stepping into the bathroom. Once out and changed, y/n was waiting for him with a wet washcloth.
“Alright, uh, you can take those clothes,” y/n said as she wiped the blood from Norman’s upper lip and led him to the door. “Try not to get in anymore fight... it’s all you seek to do when following leads.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Y/n was woken up by the loud knocking on the door. She groaned as she rolled out bed bed. Checking the clock, she saw that it was 3AM and was ready to yell at whoever was at the door for disturbing her at that hour.
She stumbled into the living room and felt her way to the door. She flung it open to find Norman sitting on the ground next to her door.
“The fuck, Jayden? It’s fucking 3AM!” she shouted.
“I know,” he said. His voice was weak, and y/n soon realized why. There was a long cut across his stomach, and another smaller one on his arm.
“Shit, Jayden.” Sighing, she helped him up and dragged him over to the couch just like she did a few days ago. This time she had to help him remove his upper layers of clothing, slowly sliding off his coat so she wouldn’t put him in anymore pain that he already was. She saw that the back of his button up was covered in both blood and water.
“What, did you get thrown at a fish tank or something?” she joked.
“Yeah.”
Y/n gave him a strange look and went to grab her first aid kit. She let him take off his shirt and reveal the large amount of damages that had been done to him. There was a large bruise where he has been kicked, his back was bleeding from being thrown against the fish tank, and the cuts from the sword still bled.
“Norman, I’m not your fucking nurse,” y/n said, already beginning to work on dressing his wounds.
“Then why are you helping me?” he asked.
“Because... because I-” y/n just stopped speaking, and Norman left it alone.
He just watched y/n work, flinching every once in a while when y/n applied pressure to a cut or put ice on a bruise.
“So, what happened this time?” y/n asked after she finished, helping him pull the sweatshirt she had laying around over his had.
“I was following another lead and the Origami Killer was there. He attacked me from behind. I managed to keep him off for a while but he eventually got a couple hits in with the sword he pulled off the wall and than shoved me. I feel against the fish tank and it broke. He kicked me a few times before leaving.” Norman explained.
Y/n didn’t say anything, but even if she wanted to she wouldn’t have gotten the chance to before Norman spoke again. “Why didn’t you turn me in?” he asked, a sudden shift in mood washing over them.
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t tell them I was doing Tripto... why?” he asked, looking at her sincerely. She couldn’t see his face, though, as she was looking down. “Please, y/n.” he said when she didn’t respond.
She took in a shaky breath, but still didn’t reply.
“Y/n? Just tell me.”
“I didn’t want you to get in trouble,” she said quietly.
“Why?”
“Because I care about you, okay? Maybe a lot more that I should...” she said loudly this time.
Norman stared at her, his mouth wide open as she slammed a hand over her own.
“Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.” y/n mumbled, jumping out of her seat. Norman pulled her back down.
“Hey, if you really feel that way, I think you’ll be happy to know I feel the same exact way about you.” he said, clasping one of y/n’s hands in his. As if on cue, the two of them began to lean in. Lips met in a quick moment of bliss before y/n pulled back and threw her arms around him, burying her head in the crook of his neck.
“Take care of yourself, okay? No more of that tripto stuff or being reckless on cases.” she said in between sniffles.
“Yeah, okay.” he replied and hen paused to listen. “Are you crying?”
Y/n just nodded and held him tighter. Norman smiles and tried to keep himself from crying as well.
“Hey, doesn’t this hurt?” y/n asked, moving away from him. He was still pretty badly injured.
“Maybe...”
Y/n chuckled and stood up. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” she said as she took Norman’s hand and led him to her room.
Neither of them bothered to change after they collapsed into bed with their regular clothes on, both too comfortable in each other’s arms to care about what they were wearing.
It was safe to say Norman would be trying his hardest to keep away from injuries and drugs from that point forward.
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poetic-beats · 5 years ago
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Short poems on postcards are a classic. I would also consider purchasing artwork with your poems featured. I don't know if you thought of putting your poems into a poetry book unless that's the zine? I'm probably not helping much but I wish you the best with shopify! I really like your poems, they inspire me to write or at least, to start reconsidering it.
Ooh thank you! Sorry I do not know when you sent this. But it was like 3am when I posed that question and I fell asleep shortly after so sorry for the slow response! I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to give me feedback.  Yeah I thought the postcard Idea would be good I just can never work out if simpler is better. I am quite a chaotic person with a cluttered style but when it comes to writing I always feel like minimalism might be better to give the words more impact but then I always worry its too plain. I spose i need to remember its about the words not the background and images I would want to put with it. Yeah I was thinking for the non postcard stuff the artboards on Redbubble it could be a good idea there to make it more artistic because its an art board not just a postcard.  Yes I do want to do a book before I had this blog I had a book of recovery poems an ebook on amazon but back then they only paid out if you earnt £100 except it had to be all from one country so if you earn a hundred from multiple countries due to i guess currency exchange they wouldnt do it.  I then found out they had changed this but by then my KDP account wasnt accessible I suppose it could have been closed due to inactivity or mistake the annoying thing is when I searched my book it is still being SOLD on amazon. So today I am gonna phone up and ask as I’ve sent them emails via the link their twitter support gave me and no answer back for weeks im just going round in circles. But a Zine is like a short collection of poems. Its like not a hardback book or anything its usually like more idk really but its a smaller thing usually I think Zines are like a monthly release thing of a small collections of poems or writers short stories.  I guess a lot of beginner writers/artists even Zines to get their name out there before doing a full book. I guess its like an EP instead of a full cover album.  Thank you SO much with the support! And no you were a brilliant help! :D  You should reconsider it if its something you enjoy or helps you in some way.
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suga-kookiemonster · 6 years ago
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I live on the east coast and I'm fucking confused when the M/V and album drop lmao I looked up the KST and EST but i'm still lost (i'm in college too lol i'm dumb) Is it Thursday or Friday? sksks someone help
it’s friday! but i don’t know exactly when, because i never pay attention to that shit, i am an adult with a job so i’m not getting up at 3am to watch a music video that will still be there when i wake up at 6 🤷🏽‍♀️ 
i feel like album will be streaming/available for purchase at midnight friday (i could be wrong). but because of aforementioned job, idk about the mv. it’s always mad early
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surveysonfleek · 2 years ago
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1635.
Who was the last baby you held? ryder. such a cutie pie. Would you ever dye your hair blue? id never do my whole head, thats for sure. How many people do you know that have a great sense of fashion? i think about two particular people straight away. no shade but no one in my immediate circle of friends have a distinct style. What age did you start feeling grown up? haha maybe 27. time really does fly Do you get annoyed easily? i hate repetitiveness and rudeness. if either or both of those things are involved id get annoyed easily
Yellow or green? green, ive been liking green lately Have you ever been on a cruise? yes, it was super fun! id love to go again (maybe for my honeymoon) Are cats one of your favorite animals? nope. i didnt grow up around cats so im a bit apprehensive around them How much sleep do you normally get each night? 6-8 hours Do you listen to heavy metal music? haha back in 2008, not anymore What’s your favorite song that has come out here recently? ive succumbed to damn jack harlow! first class is so catchy If you were to get a piercing, which would you like? What piercings do you already have? probably more piercings in my ear How many pictures do you have in your camera roll? thousands. i added back all my photos from my past iphones so i have the entire history now haha Have you ever done an internet challenge? i dont think i have Why did you last leave the house? groceries What is the last thing you purchased online? something from amazon, i was half asleep buying shit at 3am in the morning When did you last get a hair cut? a couple months ago Do you have layers in your hair? nope Do you have any half siblings? no What has recently annoyed you? not being able to sleep last night. im running on 4hrs sleep :( Do you get along with your exes? - How many pairs of jeans do you own? i rotate through the same 5 lol. i need more! What all have you done today? my day just started. i woke up, went to do groceries and now im back home When did you last go to a theater? last year i believe, i watched hamilton Who did you last compliment? idk hahaha Have you ever been pulled over by the police? yes, yearsssss ago when i got a speeding ticket Have you ever been banned from anywhere? nope When did you last purchase a balloon? What was the occasion? i bought it years ago, a big pack for work so we could decorate coworker’s desks on their bdays What is your typical weekend like? food, friends, staying in.  Do you ever use self checkout in stores or do you prefer waiting in line for an employee? i always do self service unless i have a really big trolleys of things What is the last fruit you consumed? does coconut water count? Are you a jealous person? not really. i always feel a pang of jealousy but its very short term, like a 5 minute thing haha How do you unwind after a stressful day? laying down What was your first kiss like? just awkward Have you ever done one of those inflatable obstacle courses? nope How old will you be next year? welp.  Have you ever had a buzzcut? no How long can you stand being in a car before you get bored? well my fiance and i just did an 8hr roadtrip 9 (each way) on the weekend. i didnt think i could do it but it honestly wasnt that bad, especially when we took turns driving.  What’s the last frozen thing you consumed? coconut water What’s your favorite bird? toucans!
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kyulkyungs · 7 years ago
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reverse-idol!doyoung
Request: Hi! May I please request a reverse idol! Au with Doyoung of NCT? Thank you so much
(part 2 found here!)
others: jaehyun (part 2) | jaemin (part 2) | haechan (part 2) | renjun | jisung
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i might interpretate his personality incorrectly i deeply apologize ono
but closing my eyes and thinking about it, i can see doyoung as a gfx maker???
doing those pastel or neon edits, either or but most times he likes working with lavenders and light blues
he absolutely loves taking his time to make colors or features softer, loving the effect he has on being able to make things even more beautiful than they are
on the rare occasion he does typography and honestly why doesn’t he do it more??? the composition and colors are fantastic but he doesn’t find it as fun to do as coloring and smoothening people
but for the longest time he was just
stuck
he had no idea what to do for his next work and it was frustrating him to no end
models, actors, singers, dancers, even his whacky friends
nothing inspired him
it wasn’t until he saw a picture of you on one of his friend’s phones
he had merely glanced over to tell his friends to stop talking so loudly about some weird band when he saw a photoset of you and his breath was taken away
he was all like “……………who is that??”
and the boys would turn slowly and peer over their shoulders only to see doyoung extremely close and trying to get a better glimpse of the image on the phone
they’d look at each other and give him a weird look
“you always tell us you’re not interested whenever we bring this up, what changed?”
and doyoung just waves it off because he. HAS. TO. KNOW!!! WHO!!!! YOU!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then all of a sudden he’s listening to your music, even some solos you had released because it “helps him focus and is really background noise for him”
yeah, no, he’s not even working while listening he’s jamming out and running the choreo in his head
he’s familiar with all the members and does edits on them too
but his main focus is on you
the only thing is, he can’t really seem to edit you that much???
because he sees no way to highlight or recolor or sharpen or smoothen out features when they’re already…………. there and beautiful
that’s one of his reasons for being so drawn to you, how beautiful he finds you and all he needs to do is make sure the colors work out together
and every comeback you destroy him even more and you can bet there will be a flurry of appreciation posts and more graphics of you
you can bet he probably has ten different screenshots of each scene you appear in
he still denies that he is becoming increasingly more loving and interested of your group when the others tease him about it
died internally when he saw your dance solo in the most recent comeback and nearly died for real when you started spitting out raps while doing it
screamed about it with mark for a week
because the contrast from how soft and sweet you looked normally in comparison to the major badass monster you threw at his face made him weak
when yuta comes up with his bias and claims that they’re the most beautiful being in the world doyoung pounces and has an entire list of why you’re so amazing and talented and godly
he even drew a couple diagrams
“you see the way their hair falls around their face?????? PERFECT 30 DEGREE ANGLE RIGHT…. HERE!!!!!”
he “caved” and bought an album for your comeback
no he wasn’t staying up late until he could purchase online and refreshed at least 5000 times
he loves your vocals and closes his eyes sometimes and tries to picture you singing in the studio, trying your best and hardest
honestly as much as he loves your stage presence and aura in videos
he loves those behind the scenes videos or those “what we’re doing on break or not on tour” videos that keep the fans caught up on what they’re doing in life
your domestic life looks so sweet and watching the way your charisma is still present when you’re not in performing mode makes him extremely soft
once one of the members video taped you sleeping and waking up and doyoung died inside because how???? can you still look so perfect???
and you were smiling sleepily to the camera and he nearly fell to the floor
the others never let him live this down
he calls you a sweet summer child and swats taeyong away from his monitor while he’s editing pictures of you because nO GET AWAY FROM THIS WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING
and taeyong is swatting him back because thAT’S HIS BIAS WRECKER HE WANTS TO SEE HIS BABY TOO
when seeing you do some sexy moves in a more mature concept he swears he cannot get enough of your expressions and how perfectly executed they are 
eventually he had the one in a lifetime chance to go to a fansign
and he got really nervous because ????WHAT DO I DO??????
does he bring you a gift? write you a note? a question? two? should he wear his favorite pair of socks? or the ones in your favorite color? does that seem really tacky?
he gets really panicky and ends up buying a small little keychain of your favorite character from a cartoon show you said you watched when you were younger
tbh he really hated that show but seeing you get so animated over these 2D characters going on random adventures made him look at the show in a different light
that was until he got caught at 3AM into the third season of the show singing along to one of the songs by johnny who just wanted a glass of water
but when the others find out that he gets to go he goes into denial real fast because he’s “not really interested still and just needs better materials to edit since some of the fansites are at weird angles sometimes”
he apologizes a thousand times in his head because he LOVES those fansites for allowing him and so many others to see such glorious pictures of you and your group
the day of the fansign he’s so jittery and even brought his own camera for photos and brought maybe three extra sd cards
while he’s in the crowd he almost falls to his knees because yOU’RE RIGHT THERE!!!!!
he has to take several deep breaths in order to calm himself and his shaking hands and snaps the first photo
surprisingly it’s actually a well taken photo given that his hands were practically their own earthquakes
when he’s about to take the second picture he sees that you’re looking in his direction and the sparkle in your eye tells him that you’re looking at him directly
and you smile
his heart beats a lot quicker and then he snaps the photo
when he looks away from his camera he finds that you’re still looking at him and you’re giving him a thumbs up, almost as if you were saying “was it good?”
and he gives one back and you smile even brighter and then nod and look away to tend to someone and doyoung swears that he might faint
he keeps taking pictures of you and even some of the other members because they’re also really amazing
but like at least 90% of the pictures are you
when it’s his turn to go through the line it’s honestly at this time that he realizes that you’re the last person along the table
when he’s talking with the other members some of them point out that they saw his favoritism for you and are teasing him a little
one even calls out to you that you have an admirer coming up and his face goes red but the encouraging smiles make him a little more confident
especially when you turned a little pink
when he finally gets to you, he finds that a grin is on his face and it won’t go away
“are all the pictures you took of me good?”
“yeah……” doyoung finds himself just staring at you a little bit and you laugh because you realize that it’s his first time seeing you guys in person
“you’re new? will i be seeing you more often then since you’re here?”
and doyoung finds himself joking around with you a little bit “idk cause i’m starting to have second thoughts”
and instead of finding his humor offensive you laugh and pat his hands a little bit
and you both are like ……….soft
and the two of you keep joking around a little bit until it’s time for him to go
and when you wave at him while holding the little keychain (which yoy loved) and call out for him to make sure he comes more so you can see him often
and he feels his cheeks turning pinker and nods in promise because
he really wants to see you more often too
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omgthisisnotmyrealaccount · 7 years ago
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ugh from the way they described it i feel like it’ll be really chill and fun :( before i was like “nah i’ll be fine not going” but now i rly wanna go,,, but i only have one irl friend who watches them and she’s going w someone else so UGH idk
i have not yet watched the ls but like from the gifs ive seen i kinda want to go and i hate that. like i know i probably won't cuz im poor as shit but like i can see myself making some stupid 3am impulse purchase and then having to sit bitterly in the back row just seething at dan and phil for making me pay actual money to see their bullshit
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lafillederenard · 7 years ago
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all the questions!
Thank you, Kate! I’ve been going through these slowly for a while now. Here are the first 50 questions to the ask post found here: x
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
I pour more milk than is needed and feel wasteful when there’s milk leftover in the bowl. Sometimes I drink the milk and feel better. Usually I don’t even eat cereal though? I’m a wakey wakey eggs and bakey gal.
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?
Love that crisp cold winter air! Sure would like to feel it sometime soon! Right now at school, it’s almost like I can feel the weather slowly shifting to cold winter air weather.
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?
I often just use scraps of paper that are handy. I’ll use a pen or pencil if I’m switching between reading and writing. And I’ve used my phone a couple of times.
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?
I like really sweet and flavored drinks when going out for either. For coffee from scratch, I like to add a lot of creamer, preferably flavored.
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?
I used to be more so before. Now, not so much, but it has become a habit for me to smile with a closed mouth for pictures.
6: do you keep plants?
I try to, but it never seems to end well. 2 of my 4 succulents I had in my dorm room were stolen recently when I left them out. The other two I’ve been ignoring. I’m much better at taking care of my virtual plants on the app Viridi.
7: do you name your plants?
I’ve named a couple of my real plants, but I don’t really care to for the most part. Most of my plants in Viridi have a stupid meme name.
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?
Music and writing. I haven’t been journaling as often as I used to, but I still consider it a big way I like to process my emotions: by writing down as much as I can.
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
Yeah. I get self-conscious though, sometimes even when no one is around to hear.
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
I like to sleep on my stomach, and can pretty much only fall asleep that way. But I sometimes switch to my side during the night.
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?
I don’t know if I can think of anything specifically that actually really applies so I’m just gonna pick some stuff…. High school friends will probably laugh if I mention how we all agree I have pretty good aim with my vomit….and college friends, well they call me the Cheese-It Harpy. Friends, let me know if you’re reading this and you think of something else.
12: what’s your favorite planet?
I don’t have a favorite planet. I’m very appreciative of space and I know basic astrology with the planets, but somehow I just don’t have a fave.
13: what’s something that made you smile today?
I did my friend’s hair up pretty and she liked it and another friend liked it.
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?
It’s gonna have vines on the walls outside and there’s a courtyard maybe and the apartment will have yellow painted walls and the window will look out over the street and we’ll put up lots of string lights and small plants. I really want to make those tiny tiny gardens with the little benches in them and stuff. And the kitchen sink will usually have dishes in it bc I’m/we’re not people who wash our dishes right away. There will be original and purchased art on the walls.
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!
So apparently CalTech astronomers think there might be a big planet way out past Pluto, technically in our solar system.
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?
UM I love all pasta but I will pick lasagna as my favorite almost all the time. I really love a baked ziti covered in mozzarella tho
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?
So I don’t really want to dye my hair, but if I did, legit I would want it to be opalescent (silvery-white with pastel colors). Opals are my birthstone, and you bet that my hair would look like that if I was a Crystal Gem. But I don’t really think I’d be able to pull that off irl.
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
So yeah, so my CV squad is always gonna remember me throwing up into the cup holder of the RENTAL car. My college friends…there’s probably so many but I’m blanking and can only think of when I spilled the cappuccino….or when I was tired and they put plastic lizards on my head and I got emotional bc I felt loved LOL. Idk help me out here guys Idk why I’m forgetting. I need to write down more of the things I do.
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?
I keep a writing journal at all times, and it’s basically a regular journal/diary where I write what happened, how I’m feeling.I also have a gratitude journal. I try to write in there as often as I can about things I am grateful for on that particular day, like compliments I may have received, or nice things that happened.
20: what’s your favorite eye color?
Brown. Almost everyone I’ve ever crushed on has had brown eyes. Brown eyes are beautiful!
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.
Favorite bag??? I don’t use bags, lol. I got my backpack. I’m not terribly attached to it.
22: are you a morning person?
Nope! My sleep schedule may be really messed up, but either way, I love being up and doing things at night. I really like to take my time waking up in the morning; I’m pretty slow about it.
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?
The thing I usually end up doing is bumming around the computer, tumblr and all. My favorite thing, though, would probably be to watch a really good movie or two, or to gather a pile of books and read through them all, like I used to do when I was little. I also really like to sleeeeeeep
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?
Not really. There are some things that I just don’t talk about with anyone.
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?
I’ve broken into very few places. One of them is the toilet paper dispenser in the slightly scary bathroom downstairs in the campus center.
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
This is basically all my shoes, as I kinda just find one pair of shoes I really like, and wear them every day until they get destroyed. I really liked my San Antonio Shoes that I wore to band. Several people complimented me on them. They seemed to fit really great. They were some good shoes. If I ever have the money, I might buy another pair sometime. The pair I had were bought ridiculously under-priced at a thrift store.
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?
I really like fruity gum. Fruit Stripe is my favorite chewing gum, but my favorite legit bubble-blowing bubblegum is the cotton candy bubblicious. It’s blue and super sugary and I have distinct memories of times when I chewed it, or wanted to be chewing it but was chewing something else, lol
28: sunrise or sunset?
Sunset is my favorite time. Since I do a lot at night, it’s not really a sad symbol of my day ending, but the night beginning. Whereas if I am seeing the sunrise, that probably means I’ve stayed up all night, which probably was questionably smart to do….
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?
I have a friend who kisses my hand to show affection, and I think it’s really cute and nice.
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?
I’ve never had any bone-chilling moments — no ghosts, home intruders, etc. But I have been genuinely scared of whether or not me and my family would be okay.
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
I don’t really like the look of fuzzy socks, but I like how it feels to go to sleep in them. I prefer not to wear socks to bed, but my feet get cold often and I can’t fall asleep if my feet are cold. I’ve got a growing collection of socks with foxes on them, but I kinda prefer to wear plain socks. I feel like it’s immature to wear colorful socks.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.
I can’t recall anything exciting happening. We’ve gone out for food. Had a microwave macaroni party…
33: what’s your fave pastry?
Ooh. I can’t think of anything specific. I like stuff with cherries, or maybe like a cheese danish. I’m not picky!
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?
When I was really little I had Silly Bear. He was purple or something, and wore a jester’s hat, I think. I used him to make my brother laugh for the first time. Then I had Maple the bunny. She was the most beautiful bunny, until we put her in the wash and then the dryer. Now, I have my fox. It doesn’t have a name, it’s just my fox. I’m sorry to say that my fox went in the dryer, too. My mom told me it would be okay, and it wasn’t. It’s fur is all messed up, but it’s still cute and I love it. Makes me wish I had kept Maple the bunny. And yeah, I sleep with my fox most nights.
35: do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?
Ughhhh yeah my favorite is designer notebooks that are all pretty. Blank paper is enticing to me. I used to really like pencils that were colorful or had designs on them, too, but I’ve actually made the switch to pens now. I never thought I would switch to pens because I make so many mistakes, or I used to. I prefer my pens to be comfy and write nicely, rather than to look good. Pencils that write nice and dark are very important to me. But yeah I love stationery, and I always have to visit the stationery aisle whenever I go to the drugstore.
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?
So lately, I think my mood has been sort of like Norah Jones or Corinne Bailey Rae. Kinda soft and sad, but nice. At least, that’s how I want my mood to be. Less the sad part though, just kinda soft and nice. Tryin not to stress out over finals.
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
Definitely messy, but an organized messy. I want to know where everything is, and I want to be able to function and move around in the room, but I love having little figurines and papers all over my desk and stuff.
38: tell us about your pet peeves!
Well, as an English major, I have many grammar pet peeves. I hate it when people put recyclables in the trash. I dunno what else…
39: what color do you wear the most?
I wear a lot of blue because it looks good on me. Matches my eyes. I am gaining an increasing number of maroon-/burgundy-colored clothes. I don’t like to wear gray clothes.
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?
I don’t wear jewelry. Let me tell you about my Two Cats On a Couch instead. They’re made of painted wood; two cats, one striped, and one in some kind of clothing. They are on a red couch with white dots and yellow flowers. The cat in the clothes is me, and the other cat is someone to talk to. My mom found the cats at a thrift store and said she got them for me because she wanted me to always have someone to talk to. They were the last gift I ever received from her, as she gave them to me shortly before she passed away.
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?
One of the last books I remember liking a lot is The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart. I read it about four years ago, and it was meant for a younger age group than mine even back then, but I remember it really resonating with me. It also totally hyped me up for a good test experience when I was about to take the SAT, because I read about the kids taking the test in the book right before I went to take the SAT, and it made me excited to rock a test.
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!
I wish I had a favorite shop, but I don’t get out much and I usually take things to go places. There are several coffee shops in the area, but the independent ones are kinda new and kinda less comfy, and more minimalist, at least from what I’ve noticed. I can tell you about Norm’s, though, because I could definitely say that it’s a favorite spot of mine. My larp club at college, AOKP, goes to Norm’s every other Thursday or so. We have this big table in the corner that we usually sit at. I steal crayons from the basket on the front counter. My friend once left a big pile of sand in the bathroom because she didn’t clean herself off before we left the beach. I’d say that Norm’s has become a special place for me.
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?
Alice, this one is you! The last time I really watched the stars, alone or not, was when we went to the beach to watch the sunrise. That was a good time.
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?
Thanksgiving break was emotionally rough for me, but there was one afternoon when everything seemed really pretty, and the sun was real good, and all the plants were good, almost like they were giving off a vibe, and I just sat outside for maybe an hour and wrote in my journal, and started to feel really calm and good. I don’t even remember what I was thinking about, I’d have to check in my journal. That time just felt really good, from what I remember.
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?
I would say that I do try to intuit a lot of things, but I maybe have a hard time trusting myself or what I’m feeling. I’m trying to learn to recognize when I’m ignoring a feeling that is telling me to do or not to do something.
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
I like this joke, cuz English: A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?
I don’t think people should be eating balut (duck embryos), and I’m pretty sure the smell alone of coconut shrimp has the power to make me throw up in an instant.
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?
I think it is the same. I just kinda always am afraid of, instead of a comfy life, being alone and not having money or food and not being okay. Especially the alone part.
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?
I really don’t buy or even use CDs anymore, since I was little. We didn’t have internet in the house when I was a kid, so all the music we listened to, we played on a boombox. It could do CDs and tapes. My mom had a small collection, and we rented a bunch of stuff from the public library. The sound on the boombox got messed up eventually, and by that time I had access to the internet, so now it’s streaming and Youtube.
50: what’s an odd thing you collect?
I have a collection from, like, late elementary and middle school, of pencils that I used until they got really heckin small. I’m talking, you can barely write with the dang thing. One of these pencils is a colored pencil that is one of the best shades of my favorite color (neon orange) that I’ve ever seen.
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gguksgalaxy · 7 years ago
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Engraved pt. 19
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Masterpost <– Engraved 18 | Engraved 20 –>
Short: You’re a tattoo artist for a gang known as EXO who own a club down town. (read synopsis at masterpost) Words: 6687 Notes for Update: 45 Warnings: mentions of being homeless, mentions of sex, of idk what to call it bas relationships, hurting people, angst.  Pairings: D.O. x Reader, slight Chen X Reader A/N: This will be the last part of Engraved for a good while, that includes the side stories as well. This is because of a huge amount of hate that keeps flooding my dash because of it. I hope this will stop it. If you want more information find my Engraved Notice 2.0.
AFF link
You were content, with Kyungsoo’s arms around your waist, his lips ghosting over your shoulder. Both of you had gotten home from work late. It was 3 am, and you were in the process of turning your phone back on. You had this poker job for an old friend, and even thought it had been a long time since you’d done anything like that you couldn’t decline him. Kyungsoo had gone off to God knows where Xiumin sent him even after the incident of last time. Which made you think you still had to talk to the boss about Jongin and Kyungsoo’s situation. There were 5 missed calls when your phone screen lit up and you had unlocked it. From an unknown number. “Who’s that?” Kyungsoo asked, resting his chin on your shoulder to look. “I don’t actually know.” Right then the phone rang again, the same number. You picked it up after a few seconds, just precaution. “Angel.” “Uh, Angel, it’s Miyong.” 
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The shaky voice of the girl on the other end of the line made you sit up quickly. She sounded scared and worried, your mind immediately went to Jongin. “Miyong, are you okay?” “No, well yes, but…I…” “Listen, calm down, take a deep breath. Tell me what you need.” You said, looking at Kyungsoo and mirroring his frown. You listened to her take a few breaths. “Jongin, I, he disappeared on me.” That set your heartbeat to go quicker. “What do you mean?” “He…we were at my place and something spooked him I guess, and he just got up and ran outside. He left everything here, his shoes, coat, wallet, phone. I don’t know what to do, I thought maybe he’d just gone home or something.” There was a sound of tears in her voice and you were up in a flash, trying to pull on clothes while still on the phone. “Miyong I need you to tell me exactly what happened.” “I just told you.” She mumbled, lies. “No, what were you guys doing when he ran away?” Your eyes caught sight of outside, where the streetlights illuminated the sidewalk and you could see little flecks of snow floating through the air. “Please tell me.” She paused for a second. “We were making out.” “Just that?” you asked, already knowing what had happened. God you should’ve seen this coming sooner or later. “Well…we were in my bedroom and I had his - This is embarassing.” She mumbled. You sighed. “I understand, but if you want me to find him, just tell me.” “I was unbuttoning his shirt, and when I touched his chest he freaked out. I didn’t mean to, he never told my anything. I thought he was okay with it, if he wasn’t he never said so and I-“ She started rambling and you cut her off short. “It’s okay, you couldn’t have known. I’m going to make a call to see if he’s home, and then I’ll go look for him okay? I promise to call you when I find him, and see if I can do anything. Just sit tight and keep calm, alright?” “Yeah,” she said softly. “Thank you Angel.” You smiled, knowing the girl didn’t actually like you. “Don’t thank me, it’ll be okay.” As soon as you hung up the phone you threw Kyungsoo his jeans. “Get dressed, now. Jongin had gone for a run and we need to find him asap.” There was another confused look on his face but he did as you asked, caring for Jongin as much as you did. You meanwhile dialled Jongdae’s number. He picked up, thank god. “Angel, it is 3am, I have no idea about you bu-“ “Shut up, don’t have time for this. Go to Jongin’s room, check if he’s there.” “Huh An-“ “JUST GO!” you yelled. There were rustling sounds and then his voice again. “Okay, please don’t yell, my ears. He’s not here? Did something happen?” “Shit, okay, thanks. Just, go back to bed I’ll fix this.” You were hurrying down the stairs, with Kyungsoo on your heels. You threw him his coat and swung yours over your shoulders while grabbing the helmets. “Angel, stay safe.” Jongdae spoke, before hanging up the phone. You quickly locked the house and went for your bike, Kyungsoo got on behind you and you left quickly. He held onto your waist tightly as you sped down the streets, taking the turns way too narrow and you felt your knee almost touch the street surface. It took you under 10 minutes to get to the warehouse, the back of it, and you parked and got off. “We can’t get in through here.” Kyungsoo said, seemingly a little shocked by your reckless driving. “We need to go around.” “Oh you watch me.” You grabbed something out of your coat pocket. It took you less than two minutes to unscrew the code lock, cut through the wires and pry your way inside with a lockpick. You reached the staircase, quickly running through to the garage, not caring if anyone saw you. But you thought you felt Jongdae’s gaze from upstairs. He’d probably waited out for you. “Ang, you’re not driving.” Kyungsoo said, grabbing your arm. His hair had little snowflakes stuck in it, and yours probably did too. “Not like this. We need to get the keys too.” “I’m driving, and that’s it. You don’t know where to go, it’s minus 10 outside. Each second he’s out there for longer he’s in danger. I need to get to him now, don’t talk back to me.” You growled. You used the lock pick to get into Suho’s car, which was a harder task than the door, and opened the other for Kyungsoo from the inside. “You’re going to lockpick your way into the engine?” he grumbled at you You rolled your eyes and put the seat all the way back with a loud thud. It was something you’d done many times before, and you leant down under the steering wheel to find the wires. You knew which ones it were, hot-wiring this car was easy as it was an older model. The engine revved to life and you sat up, putting the seat back in place and putting it in reverse. That’s when you saw the garage doors opening slowly. How? You’d totally forgotten in your hurry, that they only open via Baekhyun’s room at night. Jongdae? You nodded at the camera, and took off through the now open gate. “Where are we going?” Kyungsoo asked. You were way over the speed limit, and snow was falling steadier and steadier every minute. “Don’t ask me questions, just remember the way. You’re going to drive back.” “You don’t even have a license do you?” “Kyungsoo!” you spat. He shut up after that, and you went against a one way street and drove through the red light. If the police caught you know it’d be over. Soon enough you reached an old abandoned shopping centre. You swivelled the car around and parked it with the trunk almost against the side of the building. “For no license your parking skills are good.” The boy next to you mumbled when you opened the glove compartement on his lap. Out of it you got a pair of lockpicks and gloves. The gloves were for you, the lockpicks for him. “Okay, can you pick a lock?” you asked, getting out of the car. He nodded. “So, go there, it’s the back door. Unlock it, there’s 3 maybe 4 more doors to the roof. Try to be as quick as possible. I’ll see you there.” “How are you going to get there?” he asked, eyes wide, as you walked to the back of the car. You looked up to the 5 story building. “I’m going for a climb.” With a quick push of your feet you were off, jumping on the back of the car and running over the top to leap and reach a bar of one of the windows. “Angel!” Kyungsoo yelled. “That’s madwork.” “Kyungsoo, just go!” you called as you pulled yourself up. His footsteps disappeared around the corner and you reached for the next hold and used your feet to climb steadily up the side of the building. You luckily worked out enough for this to not be too hard, but it had been some time since you’d scaled a building just like this. The ledges of the window were big but the huge gap between the top and bottom of the window was too high for you to reach. So you had to find your way along the side by the building’s stone. It wasn’t easy with the snow making everything slippery. You reached a flag pole on the top floor when you foot slipped. For a second you hung there, feet dangling in free air with your hands desperately clinging on. Your shoulders strained, and you swallowed thickly, closing your eyes and breathing in through your nose. Steadily until you found the strength to pull yourself up fully without purchase for your feet. The pole bent under your weight and you quickly jumped for the edge of the roof. Your feet scrambled along the brick and pushed yourself over the top. With almost no sound you landed on the concrete floor of the roof. It was silent and your body was cold, hair dripping with from snow. You shivered and scanned your surroundings. “Jongin?!” you called, he had to be here. If he wasn’t here were could he be. “Jongin?!” you tried again, but there was no reply. Most of the roof was empty except for the air vents and little door to the stairs. “Nini, god please tell me you’re here?” you called, feeling frightful, hands shaking in the cold. There was a layer of snow beneath your feet and you feared the worst. You used the flashlight on your phone to light up the roof around you. “Jongin?!” The roof was quite big, and you walked along the edge to see whether he might be hiding in a corner. Tears were brimming on your eyes, feeling of guilt mixed with anxiety making your stomach roll and sit uncomfortable in your body. If something had happened to him, you’d never forgive yourself. “Jongin,” you croaked. You had seen about half of the roof by now, rounding the corner to the door where Kyungsoo would be entering from. God it was so cold, they said it was one of the coldest Octobers yet. There was a shuffling sound on your right, and you quickly turned. “Ang,” it was merely a whisper, but you heard it in the silent night. The sound spurred you on and you ran along the snow covered floor. You found him lying on the ground beneath the curve of an air duct. He was partially sheltered from the falling snow there. His body was curled up and you fell on your knees next to him. “Jongin.” You touched his face, it was stone cold. “Jongin open your eyes.” With a soft hand your pushed his wet hair back from his face. His eyelids fluttered but he couldn’t keep them open. The colour of his lips was blue and any sign of colour was faded from his skin. His hands were clasped together in front of him, trying to shield in the warmth that was nowhere to be found. With a cough you fought back a soft sob, and a tear escaped your eyes. “Come on Nini, it’s going to be okay, I’m going to get you out of here.” You pulled him up into a sitting position and felt him stretch his sore limbs a little. He was shaking, teeth clattering. Jongin fell immediately into your arms, burying his face into the crook of your next and his hands finding their way underneath your jacket. All in search of a little warmth and human contact. “Shh, it’s okay.” He let out tiny tiny cold breaths against your skin, and it scared you. “Let’s go.” You pulled his arm over your shoulder and stood up. Most of his weight was on you, and while he wasn’t that heavy he was tall. You almost toppled over with his, as he swayed when he walked. “Come on Jongin, hold on.” His fingers flexed against your hand, your other hand on his side. You noticed he wasn’t wearing much more than a button up shirt and jeans. God, he was so cold, probably going to be sick for days. He mumbled something you couldn’t understand, and you looked up briefly. You just noticed his eyes rolling to the back of his head, as you caught him mid fall backwards. “Jongin, please come on.” You tried to shake him awake but there was no avail. His, what you now noticed were only socked feet slipped on the floor. “Jongin!” With care you came down with him, sitting against the side of the exit. You unzipped your jacket, ice cold air biting the skin of your arms, as you wrapped the jacket around his shoulders. The only option was to keep him warm until Kyungsoo got here. So you pulled him against your, wrapping and arm around his waist and pressing his face against the crook of your neck again. You took both his hands and brought them close to your face, blowing warm air onto them. “Hold on, just a little longer Jongin.” You whispered against his fingers. There was a soft clicking on the other side suddenly. “Kyungsoo!” you called. “Ang? Did you find him?” “Yes, hurry.” You called, legs growing numb from the cold biting into your skin. The door swung open and Kyungsoo ran over. “Jesus, shit.” He knelt down beside the two of you, immediately unzipping his jacket as well and replacing yours with his on Jongin’s shoulders. “Why the fuck is he here?” “I’ll explain once we get home, please just help me get him downstairs.” Kyungsoo looked at you, and probably saw the desperation in your eyes. “Okay.” He pulled Jongin up like you had, one arm around his shoulders. You took his other side and together you dragged him to the door and inside. It wasn’t much warmer due to the lack of heating, but it wasn’t snowing at least. The flights of stairs beneath you looked dangerous right there, and Jongin wasn’t moving at all by this point. “Help me.” Kyungsoo said, sitting Jongin down on the first step. “I’ll carry him.” “Kyungsoo you can’t just carry him down 5 flights of stairs.” “It’s 10, and I’ll have to. He can’t walk and it’s the only way out.” He said, stepping down a few steps. So you helped him manoeuvre Jongin onto his back. “He’s heavier than I thought,” he groaned, standing up with the much taller boy on his back. “Listen there had to be an-“ “Ang, please, just stay behind me in case something goes wrong.” He said, taking the first hesitant steps down. You did as he asked, staying close behind, fingers reaching out for Jongin’s back if Kyungsoo might topple backwards. After the fourth stairway he was straining, you saw the bulging of his muscles underneath the short sleeves of his shirt. He sat the other down on the top of the fifth stairs. “I need a minute.” “You’re doing great.” You said softly, touching his shoulder. “Angel, he’s going to be okay right?” Kyungsoo asked, looking at you. You nodded. “If we get him out of here, he’ll be okay.” Kyungsoo nodded and pulled Jongin back onto his back, groaning at the weight. “If he wasn’t this tall.” It took him two more breaks to get down the stairs and outside to the car. You opened the door for him, and he left Jongin down on the back seat. He rolled his shoulder muscles, shivering against the cold but cheeks flushed with heat. “Is there anything to cover him with?” he asked. “To keep him warm.” You moved to the trunk, opening it and checking the contents. There was a blanket, thank god, and a pack of water bottles. The water was ice cold by now but it was better than nothing. “Yeah, can you drive?” you asked him again, slipping into the backseat and covering Jongin with the blanket. Kyungsoo nodded and moved to the driver’s seat. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry about me. You stay with him in the back, I’ll get us home.” “To my place, not yours.” He turned around to look at you, “but Lay-?” “I’ll call someone else, just drive to my place please.” There were no more questions after that, he took off. You move Jongin’s head into your lap, stroking your fingers through his slowly drying hair. His face seemed so peaceful, as the colour stayed from his cheeks. You’d never seen him this pale, and he felt so cold. If you didn’t know better you’d have thought he was dead. You took your phone from your pocket and searched for the contact. He might not even pick up at this time of day, but you just hoped for the best. The phone rang, once, twice, three times. “Seokjin?” the male on the other end of the line croaked. “Jin, I need a favour.” “Angel, it’s 4am, I have night shift tomorrow.” “No, Jin, please it’s urgent.” You begged. The other was silent for a little, as Kyungsoo drove down the empty, dark streets. “Fine, I’ll meet you at your place right? Do I need anything specific? You’re aware I’m not a surgeon right? I’m not going to pull bullets from your back for you.” “No it ’s nothing like that, it’s not for me.” You said. “Thank you so much.” There was a sigh as the other hung up the phone. “Who’d you call?” Kyungsoo asked, his big round eyes finding yours in the rearview mirror. “A friend, he’s a nurse at the hospital where Lay works. He’ll meet us at my place, but it’ll take him a little to get there.” You said, and you felt Jongin stir against you. “Hey there,” with your fingers you gently stroked his cheek. Jongin mumbled something and pressed his face closer against your thighs. He shivered under the blanket, but you felt he was warming up a little. “Were home.” Kyungsoo parked the car in front of your place and got out. Together you helped a now half conscious Jongin into your home and up the narrow stairs. “What can I do?” You looked around. “Make him a cup of tea, I’m taking him for a quick shower. To get him warm again. There’s blankets and pillows in the top of my closet in my room, get some so he can sleep on the couch.” “Okay.” Kyungsoo helped you take Jongin up the stairs, who warily took some steps. In the bathroom he left the two of you, looking at his friend with a pained face. You wondered if Jongin had ever told Kyungsoo. They seemed to get along reallyno  well, even though they were very different. You looked at Jongin, who had his arms wrapped around himself, and was chewing his now raw lips. “Tired.” He mumbled. “I know Nini, but you need to warm up a little. And I called someone to check on you.” You said, reaching out to brush his hair from his face. But to your surprise he flinched away. “Jongin.” You sighed. “I…Why can’t I?” he whispered, looking at his feet. “I’m so afraid, I don’t understand.” You frowned, looking at the younger boy you’d gotten to know so well. Too well, until you broke him. “Jongin, please just take of your clothes and take a shower.” A tear rolled down his cheek, and it broke your heart. “I always just do it, no matter who it is, really. It’s always easy, I don’t think. They’re easy. But with her, I can’t. I just can’t, I’m scared.” At that moment you were unsure of what to do. Whether he wanted your comfort or not, whether it was even good of you to give it to him. You knew it was better for him to not be around you. But you were the closest thing to family he’s known for a long time, and you abused it. What had you done? “Jongin.” You pleaded. He looked up at you, teary eyes and rubbing his nose. “What if she leaves me.” His words struck you, they struck you so hard you didn’t know what to say. That feeling setting in your body, it was heavy and it hurt. You knelt down in front of him, and looked up, taking his hands in yours. “Jongin, listen to me.” The boy lifted his eyes to you, and your heart just shattered. He looked so lost, so young, so broken. “Listen, I know that what happened between us, what I did, it wasn’t right. And I hope you know how much I regret hurting you like that. I never meant for things to get out of hand like that. But Miyong, she wouldn’t do that to you.” You rubbed your thumb over his hand, taking time in phrasing your words as carefully as possible. “And also know that while I openly admit to making a mistake that night, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. Please show her the love you showed me, because she deserves it. Don’t loose that side of you because I took advantage of it.” Jongin’s bottom lip quivered. “Do you mean that?” “Of course I do Jongin. Nobody ever had been so gentle with me, trust me that was not the reason why I left.” “You left because you felt ashamed.” He mumbled. “Not because of you, because of myself. I was selfish and stupid, and I wasn’t man enough to stand up to my mistake. But please, don’t let my foolishness and arrogance ruin you. You deserve so much better. And Miyong, I’m sure she will love you and care for you.” He nodded. “I just don’t think I’m ready.” A soft smile spread over your lips. “Hey, that’s totally okay. You can tell her that. I’m sure she will be okay with that. And if she’s not Jongin, she’s not the one for you.” “I just…I froze. All those women, for work. I never…I never had that feeling. I just turned it off and went on with it. I mean it’s just sex, why does it matter.” He shook his head, tears escaping. “Jongin, I know this is all my fault. And to be honest I cannot fix it for you. But I know that if you love someone it’s not just sex, it’s so much more than that. All those women, it meant nothing, they were nothing to you. And it s okay to have flings like that, even if it’s for work. But when it comes to someone who you care about and want to have a relationship with, it’s going to come with so many feelings. You need to take your time for that, and if you’re not ready, you’re not. Nobody can force you, or make you do anything before you want to. All you need to do is talk to her about it.” He froze, visibly, eyes widening. “I can’t tell her.” He whispered as if nobody was allowed to hear. “Jongin.” “No, I don’t want to, I can’t. What if she do-“ “If she doesn’t want you because of that she doesn’t deserve you.” “No Angel, please I can’t.” “Jongin I can’t keep being your safety net, you know that right? I understand that you feel of me as a sister now, and I feel the same. But I hurt you, I broke you, and it’s not good for you to stay this attached to me. Even if I did so many good things for you. I care for you, so much, but you have to let go at some point. Especially when you leave.” He nodded again, taking one hand from yours and wiping away his tears. “I’m not angry with you, you know that right.” You nodded with a soft smile. “I know Nini, I know. I’m not saying you have to tell her now, but there will be a point when you have to.” “Okay.” “Yeah? You ready to take that shower now. You’re still ice cold, I don’t want you to get sick.” Jongin stood up, and you came with him, making sure he didn’t fall over. It was a bit of a hassle to remove his skin-tight wet jeans, and he undressed further behind the shower curtain. You stayed in the bathroom, resting on the toilet with your head against the tile. Feeling stupid and in over your head in this situation. You had to talk to Miyong, you had to tell her something. You owed that to Jongin. There was a soft knock on the bathroom door, and you got up, feeling sluggish and suddenly cold. Kyungsoo was there, holding clothes in his hands. “I think these are his right?” “Oh yeah.” You recognised the blue shirt and dark grey sweats. “Jin’s here already.” “I’ll tell him.” You said, nodding. Kyungsoo cupped the back of your head, bringing you close to press his lips to your forehead. “It’s going to be okay. He’s home, he’s safe. You did good.” “I need to call Miyong.”  You mumbled, placing a hand on his, side. “Can you just give him his clothes and make sure he doesn’t fall.” He frowned a little. “I’m not so sure if he’s happy with me seeing him naked.” His nose scrunched up a little. “You don’t have to, there’s a shower curtain, just hand him a towel, underwear. He’ll be fine. Please.” Kyungsoo brushed stray strands of hair out of your face and kissed your lips. His lips were warm, and soft, and molded against yours for a mere second. You relished in the feeling, until he pulled away and moved into the bathroom. You treaded down the stairs, finding Jin sitting on the couch and sleepily rubbing his eyes. His dark brown hair was messed up a little, and he was wearing simple jeans and a sweater. He had a case with him, probably with some things he’d need. “Hey.” The nurse smiled at you. “You look like shit.” “Wow, thank you so much.” “Hey I didn’t come here at 4am to be nice to you. Where’s the one I need to look at, the short one seemed fine?” You rolled your eyes. “He’s in the bathroom. It’s probably nothing major. But he’s been outside in this cold, wearing not much more than a shirt and jeans. I just want to make sure he’s good.” “Well you did good having him take a shower, not to hot I hope?” Jin asked. You grabbed him a glass of water from the kitchen. He was friendly, snappy sometimes, but a good guy. Jin was a little older than you, and worked with Namjoon and Yoongi on occasions. He’s helped you out before, with some things. But after the one time you got shot and called him to get the bullet out he kinda put a stop to it. You’d done it yourself if you could’ve reached it. “Here.” “Thanks.” He said. Movement sounded from upstairs and you found Kyungsoo helping Jongin down the stairs. “Oh, him again?” You shot Jin a stern look, hoping he’d keep his mouth shut. Kyungsoo frowned, as Jongin sat down next to Jin. “He looks a lot better than last time I saw him.” Jin remarked. “Give me your hands.” Jin examined Jongin’s hands, asking him if he felt everything still, if anything hurt. Checked his feet, which were apparently still a little numb, but it’d go away. His throat was sore, and Jin said he’d probably get a nasty infection there. Other than that he seemed fine. “Just keep the cold in check, and if he gets a throat infection just get the meds at the pharmacy. If anything happens just call me.” Jing said, packing his things back in his bag. Jongin had been sort of silent most of the time, apart from when Jin asked him questions. Kyungsoo was leaning on the counter, watching, and you sat in your chair. The moment you’d said goodbye to Jin and watched him leave, Jongin sighed and yawned loudly. “Tired.” He mumbled. You stood up, and Kyungsoo came around to hand him a cup of tea as you sat down next to him. “It’s okay, just drink something and then you can go and sleep.” You ran a hand through his hair, and he took a sip of the drink. “I’m going to call Miyong okay?” He looked up with puppy dog eyes for a second, but then nodded. For a moment, you went back upstairs to dial the number. It didn’t take her two rings to pick up the phone. “Please tell me you found him?” she asked, strain in her voice. You could hear how much she cared about him, and you were glad Jongin found someone like her. Someone softhearted and caring. “We found him, he’s at my place now. He’s taken care of.” “What happened?” she asked. You sighed. “How about you meet me for coffee tomorrow morning at 10. I’ll text you the address. I can explain some things that way.” She hesitated, you heard it in her silence. “Yeah, okay. Thank you Angel.” “It’s alright, don’t thank me. See you tomorrow.” You hung up the phone, texting her the address of the coffee shop you regularly visited with a friend. Downstairs Kyungsoo was scrolling on his phone in your chair, Jongin was lying half asleep with his head on the backrest. “Hey sleepyhead.” You sat down next to him, looking at his long body sprawled over the couch. “You feeling better?” “Much.” He mumbled. “Why did you go there Jongin?” His eyes flickered to Kyungsoo for a second, afraid. “I…the door fell closed on me I just wanted to clear my head. I didn’t intend on staying.” “The doors were locked though, the others.” Kyungsoo said. “How’d you get inside?” “Busted window on the east side, I climbed through there.” He mumbled into his arm. “Why don’t you just sleep, ha? Have a long night. We’ll be here if you need anything.” You watched him yawn again, he stretched his body out, and laid down. With his head in your lap. For a moment you contemplated telling him off, but he looked so comfortable there. So you let him, gently running your fingers through his hair. He had to let go some time, but right now he just needed to support and comfort. Because there was nobody else to get it from. You looked at Kyungsoo, who reached out for your other hand. “Please talk to me.” He whispered. You pulled at the blanket he had draped over the back of the couch, laying it over Jongin, hoping it was warm enough. “I…I’m actually not supposed to tell you. I promised him.” “Angel, this is affecting you as well, I can see it.” He kept his voice low, to not disturb the sleeping boy. “I don’t need the details.” There was a pain in your throat and you swallowed it away. “Do you know how Jongin got here?” A shake of his head. “He pickpocketed Minseok in the central shopping district.” “Excuse me?” “I don’t know how he did it, but he managed.” “Why would he?” “Shh, let me just. He had to, Minseok lost his wallet, we scanned the cameras and found him. I was assigned to go and fetch him back then.” You looked at Jongin’s peaceful face. His eyelashes fluttering a little, lips slightly parted. “But I didn’t find some criminal who was our for the money. I found a homeless boy, who was skin over bone. And used 4 bucks of the 300 in there to buy instant noodles and a bottle of water. He was sleeping, or well, living on the roof of that blanket. Owning nothing more than what he was wearing and a blanket. The noodles and the water weren’t even finished. He was saving it for later.” You pushed back tears fro your eyes. “He was sleeping then, on a fucking roof. His clothes were dirty and tattered, and he was so skinny I thought he wasn’t alive. I mean he’s still skinny now but that was just…it was a terrible sight. I took him home, to my place, talked to Minseok about it. He was pissed, I’m still not sure why he was like that back when, but he told me he had to pay. I couldn’t do anything, but I was allowed to take him in and train him to become part of the group. It took me a lot of time to figure out what happened to him and to earn his trust. But he got healthier, ate more every day. He started smiling and growing and turned into this beautiful person he is now. I taught him how to play poker my way, how to persuade people, seduce them. And then it went wrong.” You said the last part so lowly that you weren’t sure if Kyungsoo heard. But a hand came up to your face to wipe away a tear you hadn’t yet felt. “Go on.” He said, giving you a soft smile. “It’s alright.” “We became good friends, and I suspected it you know, after those 5, 6 months. That he had feelings for me. I took him out, first time after I’d taken him in. I drank a little too much. You must understand when I took him in I wasn’t in a good place either. I wasn’t mentally stable, and it doesn’t justify my actions. I know it was bad but I feel as if you should know. Because I do feel that if it had been somewhat different for me it might’ve not happened.” “Angel please don’t tell me.” You nodded, knowing what he meant. “I got drunk, really drunk, I haven’t really been that drunk since. We ended up in my bed, and I mean it was nice. But in the morning I woke up in his arms. I knew he was in love with me, head over heels. And I didn’t feel the same and I’d just abused that, for my own pleasure. Because I was too fucking drunk to say no when he kissed me.” Kyungsoo frowned. “But like I understand that was wrong, but did he really turn this anxious over something like that.” “He was a virgin Kyungsoo.” There was silence from the other, he stared at you open eyed. “Angel.” “I know.” You hoarsly said. “I know, and I knew. I god damn knew and I got so drunk I forgot everything. All I felt was affection and I fell into it too quickly. I woke up that morning, and I was so scared, that I took up and left.” Still no answer from the other, only a wide eyes stare, trying to take in the information you were giving him. Tears running down your cheeks from guilt and anger, at yourself. “It was wrong, I should’ve stayed, but I couldn’t. I left him a not and he had to wake up to that. His first time with someone he loved and he was ditched. I guess he never got over that.” You mumbled, wiping away the tears with the back of your hand. “I know I can never take it back, and I’ve tried to do everything I can to help him. I was the closest thing to family he had, the only thing. I couldn’t abandon him, even though I was toxic. I knew.” “I…” Kyungsoo spoke up. “I’m not angry with you, I’m just surprised. That’s all. But it makes clear quite a few things. I wonder though, why he stayed so close to you.” A dry chuckle came from you, because you knew Jongin’s situation, you’d once been in it. “Because when you’re vulnerable like that you latch on to the first thing that cares for you. And that was me, he had nobody but me. He expressed to me that he was angry, but that he also cared for me. He was in love with me but when it passed after a few months apart he talked to me. Said he missed me, and didn’t want to loose me over that. I told him, part of my story, and we kind of went past it after that. But he made me promise to never tell anyone. And now I’m breaking it.” You said, finally done, but still silently crying. You didn’t deserve to cry over this, but you still did. Kyungsoo walked to the kitchen, filling a glass with water and handing it to you. “Here.” You drank the water, relishing the feeling of the cool liquid soothing your throat. “Thank you.” “It’s alright you know. We make mistakes like that in life. I’m not saying you did something which is okay. But you obviously regret it, and you’ve done everything you can to make it up for him. If you didn’t force him to do something he didn’t want, and let him come back on his own it’s okay. I just don’t understand what this had to do with tonight.” He asked, sitting on the armrest beside you. You gave him the glass again. “He has a girlfriend, Miyong, I assume he told you?” “Yeah.” “She said they were kissing and things got heated and he bolted. I guess he’s afraid of her doing the same thing as I did.” “Understandable.” “I know, and he’ll just have to wait until he’s comfortable enough with that really. I told him that, and I’m going to talk to Miyong tomorrow. Just to clear some thing up.” Kyungsoo nodded smiles softly, and kissed the top of your head. “You did good, it’s okay. But uhm, are we adopting him for the time being then? I’m not sure if that’s so okay considering what happened between the two of you?” You shook your head. “I actually want to ask Miyong if he can stay with her for a while. Maybe it will work, but I need him to just rest for a week or two now before Minseok puts him back to work. And if not, he’ll just have to stay at home I guess. But god forbid Minseok having him work right now I’ll whoop his ass.” “You need to sleep, we all need to sleep.” Kyungsoo said, getting the pillow he’d taken down. You stood up carefully putting Jongin’s head on the pillow, pulling the blanket up a little higher. Kyungsoo lifted his legs onto the couch, causing the younger to mumble softly and stir. “We’re going to bed Jongin.” Kyungsoo said. He nodded, curled up, and snoozed back under the covers. “If you need anything, just call out for us okay. We’re upstairs.” You touched his shoulder, and waited for him to nod again, mumbled something that sounded like goodnight. “Let’s go.” Kyungsoo followed you up the stairs, he helped your out of your clothes. Kissed your lips, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. He held you in the middle of the room, arms around your waist, gently swaying you from side to side. His mouth found yours, and for a second you keened softly, letting his tongue find yours in a slow kiss. When you broke apart, he rested his forehead against yours. “I’m here, you know that right?” “Yeah, thank you.” “Now let’s sleep.” He said, pulling you with him to the bed, after slipping his shirt over your head. It was warm and smelled like him. “Hold me.” You whispered against his shoulder. He snuggled close, wrapping himself around you. “Always Angel.”
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uniformbravo · 8 years ago
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ok..... 3am post
im havin a crisis ovr clip studio paint bc that deal where it’s over 50% off for $25 ends today and it seems like a rly nice program, it has everything im looking for, but im not willing to pay full price for it so im kind of in crunch time rn trying to figure out if i want to buy it or not
also i hate the ambiguity w/ deadlines sometimes like the website is all “deal ends june 2nd!!” like what does that Mean what is that. this sale could end at any time today or maybe it just means midnight 12am on june 3?? and then what time zone would that be fkjgsdg god i just cant tell so im like losign my mind over here
ok and like the other thing is i know there are other programs that have the same functionality im looking for for free, like fire alpaca i know for sure has a stabilizer and some kind of perspective-related tools, and then i’ve also heard good things abt krita but i haven’t been able to look into it yet
im just like!! dam i wish i had more time to try out all these programs bc i dont want to shell out 25 bucks when it turns out i could’ve gotten the exact same shit for literally nothing hmm!!!!!!
like ok let’s just, the things im looking for in an art program are:
line stabilizer
custom brushes (w/ option to download user-made brushes)
thats p much it
the reason csp appeals to me so much is bc it has both of those things but it also has a Bunch of other shit like all the perspective tools and literal 3d models u can use for reference and a shitload of features specifically geared towards making comics which hey i happen to be v interested in, and like i know it’s all just fancy extra stuff that i could honestly get by without but man when it’s all right there in front of u ur like “damn this is really nice tbh”
and like it’s kind of a confusing program if u just drop right in & try to feel ur way around but i found a playlist on youtube of this guy (im p sure he’s affiliated w/ the creators on the english-speaking side of things at least) who goes through the program and tells u how everything works and what it all means and it’s super helpful, i really like the idea of learning a program beforehand through someone who Knows Their Shit rather than spending years and years occasionally discovering new functions on my own like i did with pse (rip)
but at the same time as i say that im also thinking “damn tho ppl make tutorials about everything on yt, u could find vids for the other art programs too” and it’s like yeah!!!! u right!!!!! i rly can’t justify this purchase other than “time is short & i have anxiety & i want the thing” ghgsldkgsldkgs 
so the reason im still up at uhh 3:45 am now wow is because i can’t decide if i should just go the fuck to bed and worry abt this in the “morning” or do everything i can to keep looking into this rn since idk when the sale actually ends, like jesus christ i’ll sleep on a big essay the night before it’s due but i’d pull an all-nighter for an art program Apparently ?????
i just feel like such a Doof bc there are all these people running around with free art programs doing perfectly fine & im sitting here like “ya i’ll drop cash on this one i literally only just heard of and tried for the first time today” like what kinda dumbass maneuver..........
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donc-desole · 8 years ago
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The Curious Thing About AAART
I know this is gonna be random af but thanks to work i haven’t had much free time to sit down and open up photoshop to paint and by extension post art lately, so instead, I’ve started keeping a sketchbook cuz Git Gud. Anyways, it’s 3am as usual and i’ve binge-watched roughly 2 hrs worth of  art tutorials and art related youtube discussion vids, most of which touched on style and inspiration  (not intentionally but that’s where I ended up lol). Idk why, but i find it rather sad that so few of them make mention of how art should be an extension of you, and your likes and what makes YOUR heart race, or YOU smile as you draw. Most of the advice i heard, dealt with technical stuff like drawing only in pen, purchasing certain sketchbooks, supplies, paints, or how to fuel your imagination by collage-ing and keeping shit you like in your sketchbook, making things look nice, using post it notes over where you fucked up etc. 
On the matter of style, i hate this bullshit of ‘follow people you like, copy art’ and so on.  Because it focuses too much on the technical aspects of art such as edge-work, value, composition. Which is fine and dandy, I completely support distilling your TECHNICAL style from those aspects BUT I feel like style is something that should be organic and fucking fight me if you don’t think that’s how it emerges for gdi, 98% of artists. I find that my best work has been instances where I was elated to simply be drawing, the painting spoke to me and i incorporated items and themes that had always brought out dem feels in me. Imo that’s indicative of an artist’s TASTE which IMHO is AS IMPORTANT to good art in the long run as technical skill, cuz lord knows I've seen technically superior art that simply made me go ‘ehh’. And lord knows my art isn’t the bee’s knees and not everyone’s cup of tea but there’s a very distinct undercurrent to pieces that were made with the ‘idea’ that they’d look cool or would ideally churn up the ‘correct’ feelings in the audience, and artwork that’s made from a place of shear enjoyment and sincerity. Where no fucks are given if anyone else likes the thing you drew simply because YOU FUCKING LOVED DRAWING IT and nothing else matters. ... Anyways I guess what i wanted to say, is that when i look back, i was always terrified that i put too much detail into my work and that my art would unavoidably suffer from it technically. Because you need detail in the RIGHT areas, edge falloff, lead the eye and all that, but the thing i kept missing is that over-detailing shit, was something that made my art unique. It was part of my ‘style’ whether i liked it or not. And it took me a long time to realize that i was using that detailing to tell a story, a sort of kudos/reward for those few who’d bother to look at my work for longer than a few seconds and be met with more detail, more depth that further hinted at the meaning behind the painting. It took me till now to realize i should have been nurturing that stylistic choice, rather than trying to stamp it out. :\
I guess in conclusion, the end goal should be authenticity. Because your art is an extension of you, and if you’re creating for what the masses want, well then, is your art still your own?
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