#idk if this counts as art art because it's a photo of my laptop with thumbnails on it

[christinaseas]

i just got a glitched blue screen on one laptop while trying and failing to post glitch art to tumblr on another laptop (the editor crashed or something idk)

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

it’s the final countdown (last rehearsal before concert)

retrieved my violin and folder from the arts basement because i was not about to haul my laptop and thermodynamics notebook across campus to get to the theater (which, funnily, is nowhere near the arts building) and found myself in conversation with the principal trombone of wind ensemble (whom i’ve interacted with not infrequently) as we mutually briefed each other on the general mood in our respective camps given the circumstances (joint concert)

summary: orchestra thinks they’re cooked, but are probably not; wind ensemble thinks they’re cooked, and probably are

the interaction taught me that people actually find tita conductor scary, which like. okay, yeah, i’ve been frightened by her before, but that was because of the trauma, not because of her. sure she can be firm enough that her ratemyprofessor rating is a 3.3 and she gets reviews claiming she doesn’t extend basic respect even up to last month, but tita conductor is at her core a deeply sentimental, kind, and whimsical woman and it’s very hard to be scared of someone like that—her tendency to stare at you with her big brown eyes aside. if anything my fear lies in disappointing her

okay sidenote because i looked her up on ratemyprofessor for that single bit. what the fuck are these people on. i may be biased because of the whole post-trauma thing or the whole i know stuff about her past because she told me thing or the whole accidentally becoming one of her special little helpers thing but like i’ve literally never seen her be anything but patient and kind to anyone even when it was totally undeserved (and i count in this too btw)? like idk if it’s just because my music director trauma was that bad that everything is frolicking through the daisies in comparison but hello? if someone is firm about getting the sound they want without taking fucking pot shots at you in the process i don’t think it makes them a cunt at all. might leave a review just to balance it out because wtf is going on here. anyways you didn’t choose to read the rehearsalpost for this. tangent over

got to the theater with my co-principal in tow (also was in the locker room), unpacked, and got settled on stage. we are so back in business baby

the professor who normally helps hold down the back stands emailed me on sunday night informing me he wouldn’t be able to play in the fall concert because he was just too stressed. i assumed he had also informed tita conductor so i didn’t tell her and just emailed back wishing him well.

while taking attendance tita conductor looked at my section, squinted at the back stands to figure out why there were empty seats there, and said, her tone a little lost, “who—who’s—um,” and looked a little desperately around before asking, “em?” and looking at me, to which i said in my gentlest tone, “dr. [surname] won’t be joining us for the fall concert” thinking i was just reminding her, to which she physically startled and said “well i didn’t know about that”

we are taking the two dvořák movements we’re playing out of order so we end our set on the first movement. which is so funny but tita conductor wanted the photo finish and the third movement does end kind of anticlimactically. this program is so goofy honestly

it was my co-principal’s first time playing anything in the theater and the first time we got cut off she made a face and said “it’s so dry in here” welcome to our world lmao

the brass misheard what rehearsal marker tita conductor was starting on (supposed to be G) and tita conductor waved us all to stop and called louder to the back “G! G as in gosh almighty! G!”

holy fuck the britten was actually good? unfortunately we have the goofy ass keyboard which i feel betrayed about because i thought we were getting a celesta. damn it. but other than that the movements actually sounded pretty good??? which i was shocked by

the goofy midcentury christmas opera suite has an opening that sounded hellish the first time we read it this quarter but actually sounds pretty melodic now

tita conductor turned to the firsts and asked them, “can you sing this melody by heart?” to which littlebrothercore concertmaster looked cherubically up at her and began singing his part. tita conductor hastily cut him off, saying, “i mean, i’m just asking if you can. if you do it in the shower or whatnot. i’d really suggest that you do” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

viola friend, ate dean, my co-principal, and i all lost it

however, tita conductor wasn’t quite done there; she turned to us and asked the outside stands to move with her so as not to obscure an interesting harmony by saying “let’s have eye contact there”. girl i already know at least you and i are having enough eye contact. more times than necessary i might add

amazingly enough tita conductor actually ended rehearsal five minutes early, saying “um, i think i’m gonna do something unprecedented in the history of my tenure at [university], which is: i think we’re done” girl help 😭

coming up: first concert of graduate school tomorrow. let’s fucking get it lads

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Paint My Spirit Gold

Dukeceit Week Day 2: Green/Yellow

Fans of the YouTubers "Deceit" and Remus "The Duke" Sanders start to suspect that maybe, just maybe, the two of them are more than simple internet pals.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 2187

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a watercolor-style painting of a snake. The snake appears to be made of melting chocolate, and there is a large bite taken out of its tail. Cherries and jam are leaking out of the snake at the bite wound. The snake's expression of horror is overly-exaggerated to the point of comedy. The caption reads: "liked your snake boi, @SerpenThyme. thanks for the inspo." /end ID]

- 

A notification ding cut Janus off mid-sentence. 

“Wow, someone left their cell phone on, so professional,” he said, giving the camera a dramatic eye roll. That someone was him, of course, because he was the only one in the apartment- just him and the running livestream- but that was no excuse not to be a drama queen about it. He finished wiping flour off his hands and grabbed his phone to silence it; but the notification made him pause. He flicked his eyes up toward the camera and gave a slight smirk.

“My goodness, I’m famous,” he drawled. “The Duke himself has graced little old me with some fan art.”

Most of the comments in the chat wanted him to show it, so Janus opened up Twitter to see the full post he’d been tagged in. It was a watercolor painting of the coiled-snake chocolate sculpture- lovingly named Jake by his viewers- he’d made for his YouTube video last week; it was wearing an expression of such comedic horror that Janus had to stifle a laugh. He flicked his phone screen toward the close-up camera on his counter so his viewers could see.

“How kind of you, Remus,” he said. “All of you should go scold him for what he’s done to poor Jake here.”

Most of his viewers would know he was joking- after all, they were the ones to nickname him Deceit when he provided neither a real or fake name for his online persona. They knew full well what he was like by now.

The oven timer dinged. Janus silenced his phone and set it aside.

“And our first batch of cookies is done. You know, why don’t we show the Duke some appreciation?”

-

[ID: An Instagram post by user @SerpenThyme. The photo is an artistically-framed shot of a stack of sugar cookies with green, yellow, and pink icing. Propped up against the stack is another cookie, with an intricate icing-drawing of an octopus. The photo appears to have been color corrected to have high contrast, low saturation, and a dark vignette at the edges. The Instagram user @OctoDukie is tagged. No caption. /end ID]

- 

“You know, I have often been accused of actually being a little old lady, what with my fondness for knitted jumpers, rocking chairs, and incredibly fucked up murder mystery books. Today I am doing nothing to dispel this accusation, by making soup.”

The studio was dark and empty aside from Remus' workspace. Everyone else had left long ago, even his own brother, which meant that it was officially ass-o'clock in the morning (or, as most people called it, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m.) But Remus was stuck in hyperfocus, honed in on putting the last touches on a commission that he'd been putting off for weeks. It's not that it was a tough painting- once he'd gotten started, it was actually a very creatively satisfying piece- but man, executive dysfunction could go suck a dick

“French onion soup, specifically. Because while I do like to pretend I am a classy bitch, I am also, regrettably, a lazy bitch with a distaste for anything that takes longer than one bottle of wine to make.”

Remus hated working in silence. It was stifling, almost suffocating. His brain needed noise like his lungs needed air. So when the studio had grown still and silent, Remus had flipped open his laptop and queued up some YouTube videos. 

“So we have here three pounds of onions that we need to slice up, pole to pole. You’re going to cry no matter what, so if you have any memories you’ve been repressing since middle school, now is an excellent time to dredge those up.” 

And if it happened to be 90% SerpenThyme videos, well. Sue him. 

“Now the first rule of caramelizing onions: fast and sloppy is always better than slow and thorough… at least, that’s what every man I’ve ever slept with tells me.”

Remus choked and glanced over to his laptop screen just in time to catch Deceit's trademark smirk directed at the audience just for a moment. It was the deadpan delivery that always got him. Remus could barely hold onto a joke long enough to get through it without cackling mid-punchline, but this fucker could say the funniest shit like an off-hand comment. 

He wiped his hands off on his jeans (what use were clothes if you couldn't use them as paint rags?) and pulled his laptop across the table.  He typed out a quick comment, citing the timestamp of the joke, and after it was posted, he shut his laptop. 

'Cause ass-o'clock was short for "get-your-ass-home-or-I’ll-kick-it" o'clock. 

-

[ID: A screenshot of a YouTube comments section. The first comment is by user TheDuke, and reads: "10:42 wow, rude." The second comment is a reply by user SerpenThyme, and simply reads ";)" /end ID]

-

Janus plopped down on the couch with a slight groan. He didn’t need to stream today, but he really hated missing days. Besides… he was fine. Really. 

He adjusted the camera until he was happy with the framing, and then checked the settings on his streaming software. Satisfied, he started the stream, and watched as his usual viewers rolled in. 

“What do you mean I’m not in my kitchen?” Janus drawled, addressing the chat. He glanced around with an expression of faux-shock on his face. “My goodness, when did that happen?”

He chuckled, and then gestured to his surroundings. “Yes, we are in my living room today. If you must know, my closest and most trusted friend tried to murder me today- yes, Virgil, it was attempted murder and nothing less- and I survived with nary a scratch… and a broken foot, but that is beside the point. Anyway, I’m not allowed to stand for long periods of time, and I may or may not be somewhat inebriated by pain pills and couldn’t stand even if I wanted to. So we are cooking from my couch today.”

Janus paused for a few moments to read the chat messages as they popped up. A few get well soon’s, a few theories about the “attempted murder,” Virgil- who moderated his chat for him- vehemently denying the “attempted murder” but otherwise refusing to clarify the event, and a large volume of wtf why are you streaming today, take care of yourself comments, which made him smile. But one particular comment caught his eye, almost lost amid the torrent of an active chat: wait this kinda looks like the Duke’s living room?

“Oh, VampSuga,” he said, addressing that commenter in particular with a slight smirk. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, since I can’t reach my oven from here, I thought some no-bake cookies were in order. For these you will need-”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Discord conversation. The text reads:

“VampSuga: Ok ok hear me out. Dukeceit. 

Starstruck96: who?

IneffableSnek: lmao

FeralBeauYasha: lol

VampSuga: Deceit and Remus Sanders! They’re totally dating. I will die on this hill. 

FeralBeauYasha: Isn’t the duke w/ PatPat?

IneffableSnek: no thats his brothers bf

FeralBeauYasha: ohh

VampSuga: Did anyone see Deceit’s stream today? I swear that’s the Duke’s livingroom. 

StarStruck96: idk that seems like a stretch

IneffableSnek: no wait i kno what u mean

IneffableSnek: im watching the duke’s old videos and that one where he shows off all his old weapons he’s in a living room kinda like deceit’s 

FeralBeauYasha: They were acting all cute on twitter too

VampSuga: DUKECEIT”  /end ID]

-

"Hey guys, been a while since you've seen my face and not just whatever my hands are busy with, when it's within YouTube's terms and conditions I mean. They used to be way more lenient…" Remus trailed off for a moment, then shook his head sharply and plastered on a grin. 

"Anyway! In June me and a few other creators did a fundraiser for the Trevor Project, and y'all smashed the goal, so I let you decide what video I'd make this month." He paused, and gestured to the mountain of clothes piled behind him on the bed. "And you had so many juicy ideas to choose from, but you decided to dress me up like a Barbie instead."

Remus paused to scroll through his phone for a few moments. "Ah, ok, here we go. Twitter user YoonIsMyCat- oh, BTS, nice- sent in this first outfit. Uh… future Remus, put up the post here somewhere." He gestured vaguely to his right. "Y'all went with either a fuckton more clothes or a fuckton less clothes, which I respect. Apparently this outfit is called…” He squinted at his phone. “Amish chic? I take it back, no respect at all.”

Remus cycled through the outfits his viewers sent in, which ranged from the aforementioned “Amish chic” to “2008 rave attire” to “ok now you guys are just fucking with me” (which consisted of one of those big puffy snow coats, lime green in color; booty shorts with the shrug text emoji across the ass; fuzzy pink boots; and a yellow cowboy hat to top off the whole thing. It was awful. Remus loved it.) The mountain of clothes on the bed gradually became a mess of clothes spread across the floor instead, until there was just one outfit left. 

“Ok so Twitter user VampSuga sent me this outfit that I’m gonna call ‘sexy librarian.’ I couldn’t find this exact sweater online, but-” he paused for dramatic effect, before brandishing a sweater toward the camera like a bullfighter. “My boyfriend had something that was close enough.”

Remus hopped up from the bed and switched off the camera so he could change.

“They’re going to lose their minds,” a voice drawled from the doorway. Remus threw his shirt at him.

“Shoo, I’m getting naked.”

-

[ID: A Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It features a selfie of YouTuber Remus “The Duke” Sanders, a Hispanic man with his hair dyed green and styled into a spiked mohawk. He is wearing a yellow knitted cardigan over a black button-up shirt. He is grinning widely at the camera. The caption reads: “my viewers pick my outfits! now live on youtube. go see what i look like as a sexy librarian!” /end ID]

-

DukeceitStan

first and only dukeceit shipper ig

DukeceitStan

wow there’s so many of you now! Hi!!

DukeceitStan

i want this to be canon so bad omg

DukeceitStan

i mean just look

[image]

how 

[image]

cute

[image]

[ID: A series of three gifs featuring Youtubers SerpenThyme, aka Deceit, and TheDuke, aka Remus Sanders. Deceit is a black man with long, dreadlocked hair, and vitiligo patches along the left side of his face. Remus is a Hispanic man with green-dyed hair styled into a mohawk, many ear and facial piercings, and tattoos covering both arms. Each gif is edited so that the highlights are tinged yellow when Deceit is seen, and tinged green when Remus is seen.

The first gif depicts a close-up shot of Deceit’s hands as he carefully decorates a cookie with green and yellow icing. The cookie art he is working on appears to be a half-finished octopus. The gif then fades into a mid-shot of Remus, with his back to the camera, facing a canvas. The canvas is blank, and Remus appears to be laying out paints on a table to his left. 

The second gif depicts Deceit seated at his couch, facing the camera. He has many ingredients spread across his coffee table (including oats, cocoa powder, and butter) and appears to be in the process of laying out several more. The gif fades to show Remus seated at a similar couch with a similar coffee table in front of him. The camera is angled slightly downward to better show the myriad of knives spread out across the table. Remus is gesturing wildly with a morning star held in his hand. 

The third gif depicts Deceit in his kitchen. He is pulling on a bright, yellow knitted cardigan, and smirking toward the camera. The gif fades to show Remus in his bedroom, seated on his bed. He is holding up a similar-looking cardigan toward the camera and grinning. /end ID]

- 

“Remus, it’s almost two in the morning. Come to bed.”

“I’m coming, sorry. Twitter distracted me.”

“Mm. I can’t believe the bird app is more distracting than I am.”

“You should try harder.”

“Come to bed and maybe I will.”

“Ok, ok, I’m coming. Hang on though, is it cool if I post this?”

“Sure. They figured it out anyway.”

“Sweet. Ok, Jannie, I’m coming.”

-

[ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by user @CallMeDukie. It reads: “Dukeceit is canon.” /end ID] 

[whenyourfavouritedies]

Tag game! :)

I was tagged by @enby-umbreon, thank you, love that you count me as a famous friend cause I’ve been here a while,

1.      Why did you choose your URL?

The joys of being an edgy 14 year old on the internet who was really into media where my favourite characters kept dying. I’ve had this URL for so long and it’s twinned with my AO3 so I wouldn’t know how to part with it.

2.      Any sideblogs?

Too many. Got the standard LGBTQ+ and my current special interest of ATLA, plus my communism/socialism/veganism/environmentalism from when I first got into veganism that I still use occasionally. Somewhere you can find an abandoned (small) Umbrella Academy blog I barely used and a once-popular Harry Potter blog that I definitely don’t use any more for obvious reasons. Good luck finding either of them though.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Since 2014/15, so not as long as some but long enough

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Not for here, this is just chaotic, but I have a small one for my ATLA blog

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

My best friend at the time encouraged me as we were both edgy emo fandom teenagers (yr 2014), and I never found the exit

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love the ominous bird art, and it you click on it the text has been altered to say ‘I’m Gay’ because I’m gay. I didn’t edit it though idk how to do that.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Edgy 16 year old me took a cool photo at a concert and I never bothered to change it

8. What's your post with the most notes?

I don't post anything on this blog, if I like it, I reblog it, it’s all I do

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Absolutely no idea how I would even check

10. How many followers do you have?

1,074

11. How many people do you follow?

I frequently hit the max follower count of 5,000 and have to scroll for millennia on my phone to find the old blogs that are either dead or I’ve changed interests of. I quickly get bored of this, and follow people easily, so it’s a regular occurrence every few months. Currently 4,999, so I guess I’m due another purge

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Occasionally, but usually I just reblog them

13. How often do you use Tumblr in a day?

Every morning and evening as I don’t really use other social medias that require actual person-ness

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I used to fight terfs and other prejudiced people when I was a teenager but now I just block them

15. How do you feel about the 'you need to reblog' posts?

I absolutely hate them with my very being, and if I see one there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll unfollow you

16. How do you feel about tag games?

I only recently started doing them, I used to avoid them cause they’re hell on tumblr mobile but now I use my laptop more I quite enjoy them

17. How do you feel about ask games?

I don’t actually think I’ve ever done one

18. Which of your mutuals do you think are Tumblr famous?

If I knew who I was mutuals with that would help. Some of the ‘big’/popular atla writers are mutuals with my atla blog which, as a new writer, makes me very happy, so that’s fun.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have a fat crush on @drinking-tea-and-being-gay considering she’s my amazing girlfriend who I live with

Tagging @ughtwigs @tiny-elk @sunlight-sapphic @ambykinns. Feel free to ignore, other people are welcome to join in if they like

[ddaenggtan]

forever rain | knj | m

Being dead isn't anything exciting. Just a lot of walking the same halls of the same apartment day after day after day. Things change when the new tennant arrives, though. Kim Namjoon isn't anything you could have expected; not the way he's so careful and gentle with his plants because he breaks so many other things, not the way his friends joke that he's psychic because you refuse to let him get in the face one time, and certainly not the way he comes home after literal months spent moving things away from table edges for him and announces that he knows he's being haunted and he has some questions for you. You didn't know ghosts could fall in love, but he makes you feel alive again, like you're standing in the rain while thunder crashes around you. You should've known nothing good would come of falling in love with someone living, though. You should've known that heartbreak was the only way this could end...that the rain doesn't last forever. 

part of the Love Yourself Collab, please please please go check out the other fics. Everyone involved is so freaking talented and I have been vibrating out of my skin with how excited I’ve been to read all of these. 

pairing | kim namjoon x reader (unspecified gender, even!)

word count | 18.8k | cross posted to ao3

genre/warnings | ghost!reader, slight fluff, hard angst, literally the most angst ever it gets fluffy for a bit but litERALLY this is an angst fic, major character death, unprotected sex (idk what the etiquette for ghost sex is but you should still wrap it before you tap it fam), depictions of terminal illness (v mild), mentions of blood (several, but not graphic), major character death, allusions to violence, namjoon is a klutz whats new, depictions of terminal illness, major character death, i added that tag three times pls dont read this if you aren’t comf with mcd bc i literally tagged it three times so y’all would definitely see it, also probably have some tissues ready bc i cried while writing it so 

a/n | this is, to date, the saddest thing i have ever written in my entire fucking life. formal apologies to this joon bc oh my god you poor soul. i’m not kidding when i say you might cry, because i’m a big baby wuss and cried while writing the fucking outline when i first decided to write this for the collab so like......rip my own heart. i was really honored when i was approached about the LYA collab, bc like,,,,,mE? WHAT? and i was really nervous because i’ve never been part of any collabs in any fandom ever, and to have to do something like forever rain and mono as a whole justice, like,,,,,,, *screaming* y’know?? so i went on mono lockdown and just had the whole thing on repeat and was like “alright. what emotions does this make me feel.” and i eventually settled on the loneliness and isolation that he expresses, and feeling like no one understands what you’re going through, but that ultimately the album as a whole and forever rain give off this feeling of like. things get better, you’re not as alone as you feel, and you just gotta get through the bad stuff to find the good stuff. basically i just got really in my feels about it and was like ‘lets make myself cry ahahaha’ and,,,i dID i cried several times while planning and writing and editing bc im a Soft Bitch and don’t read much angst for that exact reason lmao. so buckle tf up y’all, this a helluva ride!! 

Of all the things you'd heard about death, all the different possibilities that existed in the world, the one thing you hadn't been prepared for was the boredom. You hadn't been prepared for any of it, really, too surprised by your own demise to plan at all, but even if you'd been able to, you don't think that this is what you would've counted on. An eternity - or however long ghosts existed - of being stuck in the same studio apartment you'd lived in when you died. The same walls, the same floor, the same view out the only window of the alley beside the building. It's boring and lonely and boring.

You've found more creative ways to entertain yourself as time passes. First, you started by figuring out just what being a ghost meant. You can't really communicate with anyone, haven't figured out how to make sure everything you say is heard, but you can manipulate objects pretty easily these days. The most difficult thing is becoming fully corporeal - completely visible and able to interact with things at the same time. It's hard enough to be visible, and you aren't really sure what the point of it would be when it would just scare whoever's living in your apartment; that's the last thing you want to do, run them off when they're the best source of amusement you've found.

You won't lie, you were a little offended when the first tenants moved in after you. It was difficult to watch your things get packed up and moved out by your friends, hard to lose all of the little things you loved in your apartment, like the shitty bead curtain you'd gotten as a gag gift or the photo collage of all of your loved ones. It's frustrating to not know how they're all doing these days; the one time you got brave enough to fuck with a laptop to check on them, you nearly broke the thing, and you haven't tried since. Still, it seemed cathartic for them to clear out your apartment, and it was a bittersweet sight, but you tried to focus on the positive side of it.

And then the couple moved in.

Not only did they fuck like rabbits - which is something you're going to stay pissed about, because there's no satisfaction to be had by you anymore, and it's the one thing you can think of that would be endlessly entertaining - but the couple was also grossly obnoxious. They had zero respect for your apartment , or you, and while one could argue that they didn't actually know you were there, it still made the sting of losing your entire life that much worse. You spent you don't know how many nights hovering awkwardly in the bathroom while they fucked, would constantly wander in to see them going at it on the kitchen counter at ass o'clock in the morning, and once you came in to see them tossing actual literal eggs at the ceiling like the absolute fucking weirdos they were.

So, naturally, you got a little mad. How dare they treat your apartment like that? They had no respect, but they were going to learn it real quick if they were going to live there with you, whether they wanted to or not.

They didn't last long after the first night of slamming cabinets and squealing hinges, but the thrown picture frame of their family was the conclusive end to their stay.

There have been others, since then. They haven't all been terrible, not like that first couple, but most of them have been sub-par roommates, and if you decided early on that if the rest of your immortal life is going to be locked in one shitty apartment with the absolute worst view in the city - because no one wants to see the drunken hookups and potential body dumps that take place in that alley - then you're at least going to share said apartment with someone nice to exist with.

You release a heavy sigh, staring at where your hand disappears through the shower wall. You've taken to testing the boundaries of the apartment again; you already know what the result will be, learned in the first few hours that you're stuck here, but you can't help trying when you get really bored. You just got distracted fucking around with the pipes in the meantime, because you're literally too bored to even focus. It's part of why you miss the last tenants so much, because you weren't ever really bored with them around.

A single mother and her two kids, crammed into a much-too-small apartment because it was all they could afford, and they were the light of your un-life. One a budding teenager that wrote angsty poetry who loved your trick of making things float around, and one an adorable toddler who adored playing peekaboo with you and coloring, and a mom that was too busy to notice anything out of the ordinary. It was like having a family again, made you feel useful when you could pull the meat out of the freezer for her to make dinner with or scratch a quick 'do your homework' on a steamy bathroom mirror. It was fun and it made being dead that much more bearable.

You really should've known that letting the toddler draw the two of you would be a bad idea, especially since there were several artistic liberties taken. It's not your fault the kid thought you'd look cool with fangs and bloody holes instead of eyes and claws that reached the floor. It was art, it was supposed to be a little different from reality. Still, you can't blame her for seeing the picture of her kid and 'my new best friend' and immediately calling the landlord. And a priest.

So, perhaps you gave the apartment a bit of a reputation. Maybe it's been a couple of months since the mom moved out and took your two buds with her. There might be the possibility that you've been the slightest bit salty about losing your friends and you've been extra-ghost-y whenever someone comes by to view the place in an attempt to make yourself feel a little better. Can you really be blamed for that? You just want a decent damn roommate for your life after death, and if that means putting the potentials through a little bit of a test, then so be it. You only feel a little bit bad for the landlord.

The creak of the front door pulls you from your thoughts, and the echo of a voice makes you narrow your eyes. Your first instinct is to slam some windows to scare off whoever's in your apartment, but you repress the urge. You'd die of boredom if you could die again, and whoever this is could provide a few hours' entertainment at the least.

You pop your head through the bathroom wall to see what's going on, and wow , who let an actual giant into your apartment? Fucking with the pipes could definitely wait for this guy.

"I know it's last minute, yeah," He says into the phone that's held carefully between his cheek and shoulder. His arms are loaded down with boxes and he's angled away from you just enough that you can't see his face, but he's tall and broad and wearing what looks like the world's comfiest sweater, and you want to badly to wrap yourself up in him. "But you know Joon needs the help. Don't pretend you aren't constantly willing to put off your thesis, I know for a fact that you went out to look at stationery with Tae last week, and everyone knows that's the most boring thing on the planet."

He's quiet, listening to the soft crackle of a voice from the other end. You slide through the wall completely, hovering as close as you dare to try and hear what the other person is saying. Tall, Broad, and Comfy scoffs.

"He can stare at one sheet of paper for at least ten minutes, Yoongi. Do I need to remind you of the time he spent an entire fucking hour debating which set of holiday scrapbook to buy because, and I quote, 'this one has the really nice rose pattern on it that would look great with the invitations, but, oh, look at the pinstripes in this one!'" His voice morphs into what you guess is an approximation of whoever Tae is, and you laugh at the high-pitched, nasally tone.

Tall and Broad spins, eyes narrowing as he looks around the room, and fuck , he's literally gorgeous. You've never seen someone more attractive in your life or your death and it would probably knock the wind out of you if you actually had breath. Comfy McGorgeous turns back around and sets the stack of boxes in the corner, continuing his tirade about Tae and stationery while simultaneously trying to talk Yoongi into coming, you assume, to help Joon move. You don't know who any of these people are, but they're already proving to be the most entertaining bunch that's ever graced these walls.

The door to your apartment flies open, making both you and Boyfriend Material whip your head around.

"Christ, Jin, you couldn't hold the fucking door open for us?" Someone grunts. Beauty Von Softness - or, Jin, as you should probably refer to him - winces and strides over to do just that as two more guys stagger in with a couch suspended between them. The second they're in the door they drop it to the ground and flop onto it, panting and sweaty.

"Listen, I was busy trying to get our resident hermit out of his cave to help us carry some of this shit," Jin spits back. "And you all know what it's like getting him out and about."

"Did you tell him that there's pizza after we're done? Because I've found that food is the best motivator for him," the guy closest to the door says. His hair is soft-looking and long and you wish you could pet it.

The other guy, the one who cursed Jin out and has the softest pink hair you've ever seen, laughs. "Jeongguk, you always think the best motivator is food."

"Well, yeah, because it is."

"For you, maybe. Other people require actual rewards."

"But food is a reward," Jeongguk mutters into the fabric of the couch. Jin tsks and smacks As Yet Unnamed on the back of the head.

"You're lucky I hung up on him when you bombarded your way into this place, or he'd definitely not come help us," Jin says as he leans against the back of the couch.

Unnamed starts to say something else but is cut off by someone running straight into the end of the couch. They all shoot to their feet, spouting apologies as the three of them maneuver the couch into the apartment properly.

"Sorry, sorry, Jimin distracted us from properly finishing our job," Jeongguk says quickly. He looks to the stranger with a small apologetic smile, and you're pretty sure if it were humanly possible, there would be actual literal stars in his eyes.

"Oh, it's okay, Jeonggukkie. I should've been looking where I was going." New Challenger walks straight towards where you stand, and you realize seconds before it's too late that he is not aware there is a massive stack of boxes in his path. Instinctively, you shove them to the side with your foot. Tall And Oblivious sets his boxes down without any trouble, none the wiser about any of it, and the three near the couch are too busy bickering in hushed whispers to have noticed you doing anything.

The newcomer straightens and turns to look at them all with a bright smile, and you think you might actually see The Light in the way his cheeks dimple. If you thought the other three were beautiful - which they are, no doubt about that, you're seriously wondering why the hell a bunch of supermodels are moving stuff into your apartment - then this guy is easily an Actual Fucking God or something. His brown hair is soft and shiny, his smile is warmer than the sun, and you're fairly positive that for the first time since you died, you feel goosebumps along your arms.

"Seriously, Namjoon, we should've realized you'd be up soon. You stay, start unpacking while we go get the rest of the furniture." Jimin shoves Jeongguk out the door while he's speaking, ignoring the taller's complaints, and Jin just shakes his head at the sight.

"Yoongi'll be here soon, he's finishing up another draft of his thesis. Hobi and Tae are stopping to get the pizzas and then they'll be here, too." Jin's voice is calmer than it was Jimin and Jeongguk, more soothing, and it makes you curious. Not only because of the tone change, but because you know Hobi, he owns the building and is the one who rented you the apartment when you first moved in. One of your favorite things to do is scare him when he comes by to make sure everything’s ready for a viewing.

"What? No, I said I was gonna pay for pizzas!" Namjoon looks distinctly more upset about this than someone should over not having to pay for pizza, at least in your mind, and it only makes you more curious.

"Yeah, but you also just moved out of your old apartment because it was too expensive, and had like an hour to load everything into a truck, so you're gonna let their trust fund asses pay for pizzas. We're seven adult men, and Guk could eat an entire horse and still be hungry. I'm not letting you pay for that."

Silence hangs in the apartment for a while before Namjoon gives a soft thanks to Jin. They share a smile before Jin makes his way back out. You follow each step, shadowing him all the way to the door before you're stopped. You lean your entire body forward, struggling against the invisible barrier keeping you inside, and the force of it nearly slams you back into the wall when you sag in defeat.

You aren't sure why you try anymore, but you know yourself well enough to admit that you're not going to stop until you can at least make it to the hallway.

Whatever you expected Namjoon to be like as a roommate, however unknowing he is about the situation, you don't think you could've guessed what he's actually like.

Out of the seven boys you saw the day he moved in, he's the only one living there. Not a complete surprise, considering it's a studio apartment, but you remember when there were nine people living there at one point, and there was barely room for anyone to breathe even if it had been pretty consistently amusing. Still, for one person, he's got a ton of stuff, and it's a shock it all fits. His bed is massive and comfortable and the best place to lay during the day because it's shoved between the brick half-wall and the large windows that take up one wall. The area's supposed to be for a dining table, you think, but you'd had your bed there, too, and the familiarity is nice.

His couch is small and old but manages to fit five of them, and it's a pleasantly jarring difference from the coffee table that looks like - and might actually be - an old steamer trunk. The exposed brick wall you love holds his mounted TV, a feat that took Jeongguk and Yoongi a solid hour and a half because they kept stripping the screws, and it's got one of those 8-cubicle bookshelf things under it that stores a frankly obnoxious amount of books.

He's got mugs for days, an adorable if odd collection of figurines and mini-statues scattered around the apartment, a strange obsession with some reclaimed wood shelf he's got hanging above his bed, but the absolute highlight of it all is The Wall.

It took them three hours to get it installed and set up the way he wanted, between the placements and the thick wooden shelf they’re perched on with supports and a small safety bar along the edge to keep them from falling off, but along the entire windowed wall and partway after it turns the corner runs a long shelf absolutely covered in plants. There are some elsewhere, like the one he keeps hanging from the bathroom ceiling and the couple in the kitchen, but most are on The Wall. Each one is in its own special pot, each a unique color with a name painted carefully along it, and most of them look half-dead. They're all distinct and unique from each other and they all surely have different needs and ideal conditions, but you'd never guess because Namjoon is so wholly committed to them all. He takes time every day to water them and prune them if he needs to, he checks on them constantly. He even reinforced the safety bar for the ones that sit beside his bed, so there was less chance he'd accidentally knock them around while sleeping.

It's fascinating, watching him tend to them. He's so careful and gentle, with absolute precision in every moment. He cares for his plants the way some people would care for a pet or a child. He doesn’t believe any of them are past caring for, slowly nurses all of them back to health and frequently turns up with more he’s saved from some department store. The most endearing thing, though, you decide as you sit curled among the haphazard blankets of his bed and watch, is the talking. It's every day, for as long as it takes him to care for the plants, and it's the cutest thing in the world. He's talking to some succulent as you just stare at him, filling the comfortable silence of the apartment with his soft, soothing voice, and you wish he could hear you when you talk back to him.

"I know they mean well, but at some point, I've just gotta live my own life, y'know? I can't study something just because everyone expects me to, and I can't pursue some dream just because people think I'd be good at it. I've gotta do what's right for me, don't I?" His tone is positive and bright, a contrast to the gloomy sky that casts shadows across the apartment.

You float over, hovering beside him to look at the plant he's lovingly stroking with his thumb. It's in a pretty periwinkle pot, with the name 'Mang' painted in careful but shaky black handwriting. It's not your favorite - that's the one in the bathroom that hangs over its light blue bowl, a quickly scrawled 'Koya' on the bottom - but it seems to be one of Namjoon's personal favorites based on how often he talks to it specifically.

"I think it's nice you do things for yourself," You tell him. He doesn't react, unable to hear you, but it's nice to hear your own voice after so long. You slide one of the plants - Chim, in a small yellow bowl - to the side and away from his elbow, and he doesn't notice. "You know yourself better than they do. You should trust yourself."

He keeps mumbling to Mang, something about everyone following their own dreams and doing what they need over what people want or expect, when you lay your hand over his.

Thunder cracks through the sky and the first raindrops hits the window as your non-existent skin hits his, and it's the most real thing you've felt in a long time. It's as if the scent of ozone and electricity is in the apartment itself, crackling in your hair and filling your nose with the overpowering scent of the sweet summer rain. You can almost feel the water hit your skin, the way the wind whips at your hair, and it's so intoxicating that you almost miss the sharp inhale from the man beside you.

He's not looking at his plant when you look up, but instead at the window in front of the two of you. You glance at it, and for a fraction of a second, you can see yourself in the reflection. The glimpse has you jerking towards it before you can stop yourself, desperate to know if something has changed. You haven't seen your reflection since you died, not in the mirror or the window or the toaster, and maybe, just maybe, it means something's changed.

Your hand stops against the glass of the window as you reach forward. You can't feel the cool of it under your palm, but it's no less a barrier for you as it would be for Namjoon. Something in you breaks as you watch the raindrops race each other to the ground.

"Ah, I forgot the forecast called for rain today," he mutters, eyes focused on the lightning that streaks by. He doesn't react when your fist slams against the glass, nor when you let out the scream that's been building in you for however long it's been since you died. You're so close, not even a hair's breadth from feeling something new yet familiar for the first time in so long, and you can't. You're still stuck in these four walls, unable to even reach the air outside.

You just want to feel the rain again.

You move dejectedly away from the window, ignoring the way Namjoon shivers as you pass. The temperature in the apartment has dropped considerably, you think, between the storm and your own mood. You can't tell, really. You haven't felt warm or cold or hungry or anything since you died that isn't the oppressive loneliness of life after death.

A dry sob tears itself from your throat and you hurry to hide in the bathroom as Namjoon turns to look around him. He mumbles something you can't hear and after a few minutes, he returns to tending to his plants, leaving you to your tear-less cries in peace.

It becomes quickly apparent to you that Namjoon should really have a roommate, if only to save him from himself. It takes a few weeks for you to realize this, but luckily he seems to narrate his life as he goes through it - which is overwhelmingly adorable to you, and you refuse to acknowledge that - and that means that you hear it every time he goes, "Ah, Namjoon, be more careful next time," or "Oh, shoot, that's not, fuck, I gotta buy more eggs now." It's painful to watch, even for you, and at some point, you just couldn't take it anymore. No one else is around to help, but someone needs to you, and clearly the universe means for you to be that someone.

It's a full-time job, protecting him from himself. You've saved countless mugs, pushing them farther away from the edges of counters and tables, and been just in time to shove bowls or vases an inch over so that his elbows glide harmlessly past them. It's almost exhausting, if you could get tired you would, but it's worth it, you think, as you catch the bookshelf under the TV as it tilts. You slide it gently to the floor, glad that Namjoon is distracted by how close he came to losing a toe to notice.

Because that's the other thing about this tree of a man: he's the most oblivious person you've ever fucking seen. It doesn't matter what it is you do, whether it's bouncing his spray bottle of water so it doesn't break on the hard floor or shake the counters so that the knife he's about to drop on his fucking hand falls the other way, he doesn't see a single fucking thing. You'd think he was blind if he wasn't so attentive to the way his plants grow. He notices nothing and you're glad for it because you really aren't sure what he would do if he knew you were going around haunting him just to keep him alive. You just want to help, want to keep the soft smile he wears more often around for as long as possible.

You don't dare to look into why you want that, too afraid of what you might find there.

It's also just fun to watch him and his friends, relaxed and unreserved. You never had many friends when you were alive, just a small handful that you really truly loved and whom you miss every day. Watching these seven boys fills you with nostalgia and a strange sense of joy because they really are some of the funniest people you've ever been around.

Like now, with four of them sprawled on the couch while Jeongguk and Hoseok make themselves comfortable leaning against the bookshelf under the TV - which has been bolted to the wall since it almost broke Namjoon's foot - and Namjoon watches them all from his bed since it's the only other place to sit. There are beer bottles scattered around and decorating the half-wall that separates the bed from the room proper, everyone is varying levels of drunk, and you're curled up close to Namjoon, leaning against the wall so you can stop him from knocking over any of the bottles nearby because you know him too well at this point.

"I'm just saying, I don't understand why they made him so over-powered in the new movies, because he's supposed to be some kid from Brooklyn! Giving him the high-tech suit essentially strips him of the friendly neighborhood persona that he's always relied on!" Jeongguk has been ranting for a while about the newest release in the Spiderman franchise - apparently, he's part of the actual Avengers now, which is a shock to you since the last thing you heard before you died was that the franchise was canceled until further notice or something.

"And I'm saying that if they didn't give him the suit then it would've made no sense how he was able to do those things," Yoongi responds. You're pretty sure he's just arguing to be contrary at this point, because you remember him telling Namjoon the other day that he prefers DC over Marvel.

"Garfield's Spiderman could do those things," you mutter, "And he didn't have a fancy suit."

"Okay, then how do you explain Andrew Garfield's version being able to do that stuff? He doesn't need the suit, he never has!" You preen at the way Jeongguk echoes your thoughts. "I'm telling you, I don't care how good the relationship with Holland's Spidey and Iron Man is, by giving him the tech and the advancements they did, they've undermined everything that Spiderman is supposed to be about."

"Jeongguk come off it, everyone knows Garfield's Spidey was just all bad writing. I mean, what kind of person can do all that stuff, realistically? He's the one that really needed the Stark suit." Taehyung's voice is slurred and quiet, definitely as drunk as the rest of them. 

"What-! No! I could do half of that without being bitten by a weird science spider!" Jin scoffs at Jeongguk's words. 

"Yeah, sure, Guk. The same way you can do that bottlecap challenge."

"Bottle cap challenge, and yeah, I could!" The youngest stands and you don't bother to hide your grimace. 

"This isn't going to end well, is it?" You ask. No one acknowledges you, too busy finding something Jeongguk can kick the cap off of as the boy readies himself. He's steady on his feet but his face is red and he can't seem to stop giggling. 

"If I do this, you gotta call me SpiderGuk from now on, okay?" He says. No one agrees, but it doesn't stop him from laughing again and doing a couple of roundhouse kicks to warm up. 

"Okay, okay, Joonie doesn't have any regular water bottles, but we found a screw-top beer in the fridge so ya gotta use that," Jimin says as he stumbles over with said bottle. Jeongguk just nods, an adorable focused expression on his face. Jimin holds the bottle in the air, and you can already tell his grip isn't tight enough to keep the bottle still when Jeongguk kicks it. 

The next ten seconds happen in slow-motion. Jeongguk's leg flies out to kick but his drunken body isn't able to handle the sudden shift in balance, and he slips. His foot hits the bottle slightly too low, and it goes flying out of Jimin's weak grip into the air. Everyone in the room watches as it hurtles straight towards Namjoon's face, and you react out of habit and instinct, catching it in one hand before you even realize you've moved. 

Everyone freezes, staring at where the bottle hovers in front of Namjoon's face. You're the only one able to see your fingers wrapped around it. A shock jolts through you at the realization of what you've done and you drop the bottle as if it burned you. Fuck, they were all going to freak, then Namjoon would move out and you'd be stuck alone once more. You should've just shoved him out of the way, what were you thinking, you're so fucking stupid-

"Dude," Hoseok mutters from where he's perched on the arm of the couch. "Holy shit, Joon, you're fucking telepathic." 

Yoongi rolls his eyes and smacks his chest. "Telekinetic, you fucking-"

"Holy shit, you've got fucking superpowers!" Jeongguk squeaks. "Do it again!"

Namjoon isn't even able to get a word out before there's a book flying at his face, and you panic. You can't catch it, too rushed, but you manage to deflect it so it hits the bed with a soft thump instead of braining Namjoon straight in the nose. 

"Woah, you really do have superpowers," Jimin whispers. He lobs a bottlecap at Namjoon, and you catch it in your palm before letting it drop onto the half-wall. 

"I don't have...what the fuck you guys," Namjoon insists. His eyes are as wide as saucers behind the thick glasses he has on. He looks freaked out and you want nothing more than to hug him. Your hand reaches out of its own accord, halfway closing the distance to stroke his hair before you catch yourself. 

"Hey, levitate your plants," Jin demands. Namjoon looks panicked as he glances at the wall of plants, and you heave a sigh. With any luck, they're so drunk that they'll remember this as a strange fever dream, but you can't just let them keep throwing things at him. You crawl over to the wall, avoiding Namjoon as you do, and grasp one of the plants tight. It's a white pot with red polka dots, a simple RJ on the side, and it's fucking heavy. You only get it a few inches off the shelf before you're forced to put it down.

"Oh my god, catch this!" Taehyung throws a coffee mug straight at Namjoon's head and you panic again. You catch it, and you've decided you're fucking sick of them throwing things at him, so you lob it back and dart across the room to bounce it safely to the counter before it can break. 

Everyone in the room stares at the mug and then looks back at Namjoon, who hasn't moved from his spot on the bed. 

"Oh my god, you're a superhero," Jeongguk whispers, awe in his eyes. 

"That's fucked up," Yoongi mutters, wincing when Hoseok elbows him. 

"Maybe we should get some sleep," Namjoon says quietly. The others look like they want to disagree with him, and you have no doubt they want to explore the newfound 'abilities' of their friend, but they still start gathering trash together before they head out. 

Namjoon lays awake for a long time that night, glasses folded and sitting atop the half-wall beside you. He's oblivious to the way you watch him, too lost in thought to feel the weight of your stare or the chill in the air. 

"I don't understand," He says after a while. "I really don't, but there's got to be a reason for it." He doesn't elaborate, merely turns over and evens his breathing out until he starts snoring, but you watch him for most of the night. He's fascinating, this human, and you wonder what makes him so different from the others you've met. 

He apparently decides to experiment. You've known Namjoon is intelligent since he first moved in and you saw his collectible encyclopedias, but you hadn't realized just what it would be like in actuality. 

It starts simple. He'll toss something in the air and let it clatter to the ground. Nothing big, just little things like pencils or bottlecaps, and not far, just enough that his eyes narrow as he apparently tries to use his telekinetic abilities to manipulate them. 

It slowly graduates from there. Next comes the way he stares at something across the room, hyper-focused on whatever it is until you notice and move it around for him. It's a guessing game, sometimes, trying to figure out just what he wants to move or how he wants to move it, but each time you're successful, he smiles so brightly, dimples on full display. Who wouldn't want to make him smile like that?

It's hit or miss, sometimes. You're only so strong, and while you've had a lot of practice, you still get tired. You lifted his bookshelf almost a full inch before blacking out. Next thing you knew, a couple of days had passed and Namjoon was staring at a coffee mug. That was a significantly less fun day; between losing time and having to catch coffee mug after coffee mug, you were exhausted and a little shaken. 

So when he stops staring at things for extended periods of time, when he starts to go back to reading and scrolling the internet and bingeing all the completed shows that Netflix and Amazon had to offer, you're grateful for it. He still occasionally tests it out; he's always subtle about it, choosing to stare quietly until you notice and make whatever it is float around for a minute. Once you wandered around looking for him - a feat in a studio apartment - and found him just sitting on the bathroom floor, staring at a shampoo bottle.

You'd like to say that you don't move things entirely because he wants you to. It's a good test of your abilities and how far you can push yourself until it becomes too much, and it's always nice to have actual evidence that you still exist - in some form, at least - in the world. The validation that comes from seeing him smile every time you lift a pencil or slide a coffee mug to the side, it's not for any reason but the satisfaction of knowing that you have some kind of existence. Some kind of impact on the world, even if you can't be seen and can't leave the apartment.

It's part of why you start moving things around yourself more often; you're hoping he just blames it on his overactive 'abilities' if he notices because you really aren't sure what he would think otherwise. But you also know for a fact that just seeing that you have some kind of sway over the world still - over the things inside this tiny apartment - makes you feel just that bit better about being dead.

Which is why it's such a fucking shock when the door to the apartment slams open one evening just for Namjoon to slam it closed again and announce into the air, "So I know you're haunting me, please don't try to deny it, I only want to talk to you."

You freeze where you are, halfway through the closet door from where you were reorganizing his clothes because they made no sense and you were bored. He's looking around the apartment, almost desperate in the way he's searching, and you can't bring yourself to move. It's obvious he can't see you, and you aren't even sure if he's being serious, but the way he huffs and clenches his jaw before moving into the kitchen tells you that he probably is.

You follow him, curious, and watch as he pulls a small package out of his bag and starts ripping it open. You float the remains of what looks like gift wrap over to the trashcan, because you know Namjoon will forget, before going back to watching him. He's only a little careful as he cracks something in his hands and then slaps it onto the fridge, and you peek around him to see that it's some kind of words or something. There’s a wide variety, with no clear theme to them, as well as at least one of each letter of the alphabet. It's then you remember the throwaway comment Yoongi made during that night - "You need, like, poetry stuff, like those magnets that go on the fridge that people write that deep shit with, y'know? I'm gonna buy you one," - and realize that he'd followed through on his vow. 

"Alright," Namjoon says, leaning against his kitchen counter and staring at the magnets. "First and foremost, am I really being haunted or is this some kind of hallucination?" His gaze never falters, doesn’t ever drift from the magnetic words now spread across his fridge doors. It takes several minutes to build up the energy and the courage to move closer to the fridge.

You don't look at him as you move the words around, but you can hear the sharp intake of breath. That's likely all the confirmation that he needs, but still you clear a spot and let the words ' I am here ' sit where he can see them clearly. You wrinkle your nose, disliking how formal it sounds, but you have to make do, you suppose.

"Okay," Namjoon breathes. "Okay, prove it. My brain could work this into a hallucination. How do I know you're really a ghost?"

"Seriously?" You huff. "What the fuck am I supposed to do that wouldn't work into a hallucination, dude?"

He gets fidgety in the few minutes that you spend wondering how the fuck you're going to prove that you're a real actual ghost to someone who clearly doesn't believe in them. His foot taps at the floor and he scratches at his hand, which only makes you want to wrap your own hands around his until he stops, much like your best friend used to lay her legs across your lap to get you to stop shaking your knee.

The realization comes in a flash, and you're moving letters around before you can stop yourself.

Face book, Park Jihyo, best friend.

Namjoon stares at it for a long while before he brings his phone out of his pocket and begins to tap at the screen. You don't get too close; you've got a history with shorting out electronics, and you aren't sure you want to know what your best friend is up to without you there with her.

"Okay," Namjoon says. "Okay, I've never seen her before, so I don't think my brain could work her into a hallucination. Okay. Alright. I'm being haunted. This is fine."

"Calm down, I'm haunting the apartment, not you." He doesn't react to your words, as usual, but it still makes you feel the slightest bit better. He stares at his phone for a little longer, and the curiosity burns under your skin, but you resist. You know from experience that if you try to get too close, his phone will stop working. Just like TV, the stereo, the laptops, everything. You've had enough experience with that kind of thing to know what will happen.

"Okay, Casper," Namjoon huffs out after several minutes of waiting. He looks up and his eyes dart around the apartment, and you wonder if he's just nervous or if he's trying to spot you. "Where are you right now? Can you make yourself visible? I mean, I know you're a ghost, but it feels rude not talking to you to your face."

You huff a laugh but reach for a coffee cup. You know you can't just make yourself visible at will; you've only done it a couple of times, to your knowledge, and none of them have been on purpose. It's even more difficult to make yourself corporeal and physical, harder than just manipulating objects, but you did it once. Back when the single mom still lived here, when her toddler was falling and you had no way to cushion the fall except with your own body; you still aren't sure how it happened, but you remember being able to feel the floor against your back and the warmth of the baby on top of you for a split second before you were gone again. You won't forget that any time soon.

You float the mug towards where you stand, holding it in front of your face long enough that when you pull it away, Namjoon's eyes don't follow it. It's a strange feeling; you know he can't see you, can tell by the way his brow furrows and his eyes slide around the space, but it feels like he's looking straight at you. It feels like you're being seen for the first time since you died.

"So, where are you from, Casper?" His tone is forcibly conversational, as if he's trying his best to keep himself calm. You roll your eyes and move the magnets to show ' here ' and he nods. "You're not gonna try to possess me, or kill me, or run me off, are you? No offense or anything. I figure you would've already at this point, but...cover my bases."

No. Am nice. I think.

"You think? You don't know if you're a nice ghost?"

Does anyone truly know if they are nice? You frown, trying to figure out how to say what you want to say with the limited words available. I can only try. It's still not perfect; there's more that you want to say, more that you want to be heard, but this has to do for now.

"I can accept that. Alright. Just talking to a ghost in my kitchen. Okay. This is totally normal." He rubs a hand over his face, and you're a little impressed. Everyone else that's lived here has freaked when presented with the knowledge that you're a ghost. Namjoon looks very much like his world is exploding, but he doesn't have the same fear and apprehension in his eyes. He's certainly coping better than the single mom.

"Are you the only ghost? Here, I mean, are you the only ghost here?" He breathes a sigh of relief at your 'yes.’ "Can you see other ghosts? Do you know any other ghosts?" The 'don't know, no' that you move around on your fridge seems to unsettle him a little, but there's a curiosity burning behind it that makes your skin tingle.

Can't leave, is what you say next, cutting off whatever question he was about to ask.

"You can't leave at all? The building, or the apartment?"

The second.

"Wow. You're really stuck here?" He looks around the apartment as if seeing it for the first time and sucks in a breath. "What do you do all day?"

Watch. He cocks a brow. You are... You hesitate. The word you need isn't there, everything that comes to you is too poetic or corny for you to actually say, but the weight of his eyes is heavy on your hands. Fun is what you settle on, but it's not right either. 'Interesting' isn't there, nor is 'fascinating' or 'lovely,' and you don't want to scare him off by telling him that part of the reason you watch him so much is that he's so full of life that you feel less dead when he's around.

He laughs at your words though and shakes his head ever so slightly. "Alright, well, I'm gonna shower, so just, don't...watch that?" You squawk at the insinuation that you would, quickly rearranging the letters to spell ' privacy' and making a large angry face out of the rest of the words. He's already turned away, though, and it makes you angrier.

You don't want him thinking that you would peep at him. You already make sure that you're facing the windows when he finishes showering, you've been determined to not be creepy since the day he moved in, and to have him think otherwise is like a slap in the face. You slam the mug against the counter and he startles, turning to gape at it. You carry it to where your words and make-do emoji sit waiting for him to notice them.

"Okay," He says quickly. "Okay, privacy, yeah, got it. You respect my privacy. Appreciated."

"How fucking rude," You mutter as you set the mug back down. You don't adjust the magnets as he disappears into the bathroom. You want him to see them, want him to be reminded of the fact that being dead doesn't mean you don't have basic decency.

You can't get him to shut up now that he knows you're there. He still forgets sometimes, mostly when he's talking to his plants or narrating the way he carefully constructs some origami creation, but more often than not, he's talking to thin air. He spends a lot of time perched on his counter, watching you move magnets around his fridge through the thick lenses of his glasses before he spouts off some other question for you to answer. 

He covers the basics first: how old you were when you died, when your birthday is, your favorite color, what you were studying in school, and of course your name, though he insists on calling you Casper. You aren't sure why but you also don't get a chance to question it, because he hits you with more and more questions every day. Sometimes you don't answer because you can't, too limited by the poetry magnets to be able to really converse; sometimes you just don't have the energy to move the magnets around, but those are days are rare. The only times you use the tired magnet are when you find your limbs too heavy to move, weighed down with the memories of what it meant to be alive. 

Those are the bad days, but his questions make them just a little easier.

"How do you move around? Do you just float everywhere?" Walking, but different. No weight. Soft.

"How are you able to manipulate things in my world? Are they different from things in your world?" Focus. Takes time. Same.

"Do you sleep at all? Do ghosts dream?" No sleep. Just existing.

"You don't eat, do you? Should I be stocking up on snacks for you?" No. Save your sustenance. "What was the last thing you ate?" Don't remember. "Huh. I hope it was something good." Same.

"Were you ever in a relationship?" Once. A long time before. "Do you miss them?" Not anymore.

"What did you do while you were alive?" School. "Oh, really? Do you remember what you studied?" Boring. Important then, but it made me forget to live. Not important now. Namjoon goes quiet for a long moment after this one, staring out the window at something you can't see. He nods but doesn't ask any more questions, and he reads for the rest of the night.

It only takes a couple of weeks for both you and Namjoon to get tired of standing in his kitchen fucking around on the fridge. His legs get tired and he gets distracted by his thoughts, and you can barely keep up with the rapid-fire questions you get.

So Namjoon buys one of those cheap cookie sheets with the slightest lip at the edge and dumps the magnets on that. He leaves it on the coffee table, usually, there for you to pick up if he asks something but out of the way for when he stretches out to nap lazily in the afternoon sun.

You like the cookie sheet more than the fridge. He watches you as you work out your responses, can see the way you start to move one word before moving another instead; it makes it feel more like a conversation.

It becomes a favorite pass-time of Namjoon's, curling on the couch and putting some sort of music on in the background and just talking to you. A lot of nights his questions stop with a lingering silence from one or both of you; yours because you don't have the ability to share the words running rampant through your mind, and his for reasons still unknown to you. Still, you've missed it. You've missed talking to someone, being heard when you speak, having someone ask how you are at the end of the day.

It's the little things.

"You said you can't leave, right, Casper?" Namjoon's curled up on his couch, tucked into the arm with a blanket thrown over his lap, a mug of something warm in his hands to combat the chill of the season, and some R&B track playing lightly from his phone. You knock your fist against the cookie once - a sign for yes that you'd both agreed on. "So, are you just always here then? You don't go anywhere else?"

"Fuck, how do I explain this?" You mutter. You stare at the magnets in front of you for a long time before rearranging them. Not always. Tired sometimes, disappear.

"Disappear?" He reads. "What do you mean? You just, what, stop existing?"

Don't know, you respond. Only happens when tired. When used too much of me. He hums an acknowledgment, eyes focused on where the cookie sheet sits on the couch between you. You? What entertains you?

"Everything," he answers without hesitation. "I'm trying to work through my stack of books I want to read and finish all the shows I'm interested in, but the guys would have my head if I didn't get out and do things like a normal person."

That's where you leave to?

"Yeah." He sets his mug - now empty - on the coffee table and settles into the blankets. He looks cozy and soft and you would wrap yourself up with him if you could. "I take a lot of walks, and bike rides. I like to see the river, the trees, all the animals that live there. The beach is always fun, I get to see all the crabs and whatnot that wander in and out of the ocean."

"I wish I could go with you," you whisper.

Fun is what you spell on your sheet.

"I guess," he mutters. "It's enjoyable, at least. I'll bring you some souvenirs, or pictures next time."

You let the sheet settle on the couch as he turns the TV on, setting up a drama that he's on recently. He doesn't say anything else for a few hours, waits until the sound of rain hits the windows and stifles the apartment in an otherworldly haze.

"How long have you been dead?" His voice lingers in the air. You've been expecting these questions, and you're honestly impressed he's held them back for as long as he has. That angsty teen hadn't hesitated a single second to start asking you questions.

A while. Years. I think .

"Do you ever get tired of being a ghost?" There's something in his voice that you can't place, something that tells you this is more than just his usual morbid curiosity. Every part of your soul - whatever's left of it, anyway - is screaming at you to lie to him, to tell him that no, being a ghost is great. You've never wished he could hear you more than this moment, when all you want to is wrap your arms around him and ask him why he looks so much older than he is.

Sometimes, you tell him. It is lonely here, and boring. Fun to be unseen, but unable to do much more.

He nods like that makes all the sense in the world to him, and he brings the blanket up around his shoulders. "Do you ever miss your friends, or your family?"

Would you not? He huffs out an unamused chuckle, nodding again.

"Yeah," He says softly. "Yeah, I would. Do you want me to help you check on them? See what they're up to?" The single knock that echoes in the room is deafening to you, filled with a hope that you haven't felt in years. You've never let yourself think about them for long; if you did, you don't think you'd be able to come back from whatever that place is that you disappear to when things become Too Much.

Namjoon pulls his phone closer and starts fiddling with it. He doesn't hesitate when he types in your name, and you feel an emotional blush fill you when you see that he doesn't even have to finish typing for your profile to pop up. You glance at him, the way his brows are furrowed behind his glasses and his tongue pokes into his cheek just a little while he concentrates, and you wonder how many times he's looked at the pictures of you when you were alive. How many times has he scrolled through, reading the words people shared after you were gone, scrolling through the grief and loss to get to the words you posted yourself, the little snippets of your daily life that you would give anything to be able to relive?

"Do I still look like that?" You wonder aloud. As expected, he doesn't react, just continues tapping at his phone.

You two spend the rest of the night like that, each curled at opposite ends of the couch while Namjoon slowly looks up your friends and family and updates you on each of them. Jihyo got married, to someone she'd gone on a date with a few weeks before you passed, and she's apparently trying to start having kids; Your mother and father aren't very active, but they never were. They both share pictures of you when you were a baby each year on your birthday, and more recent photos of you on the anniversary. They have a dog now. It's cute. You wonder if it helps them cope with the loss.

Your other friends are doing well, too; most of them are still figuring out their lives, but it seems like all of them are settling in their skin and finding comfort in who they are. They're out there, navigating the world and doing things they enjoy, meeting new friends and making new memories.

You stand by the window for a long time, cookie sheet of magnetized words pressed against your chest as if you can feel the cool of the metal against your skin, and watch rain drip down the panes as you imagine what your life could have been.

You can always hear Namjoon before you see him. He whistles as he walks down the sidewalk, his small way of letting you know he's on his way back from wherever he's gone that day, and today isn't an exception. Relief sags through you and you move away from the windows, let your fingers trail against the ceramic of the newest succulent he'd bought, and head towards the kitchen. The kettle is turned on and heating a few moments later while you pull a mug down from your cabinet and set it carefully on the counter where Namjoon will see it.

It's a regular routine, for the two of you. He heads out, usually in the early morning after turning on some music or a show for you, and when he comes back, you make sure there's hot water for his tea or cocoa or whatever he feels like drinking that day. The sound of his whistling gets louder the closer he gets, a simple way to let you know he's safe and he's home. You glance through the cabinets and quickly make a note on the fridge that he needs to buy more of his special tea blend soon.

The lock turns and you smile, waiting patiently as Namjoon saunters into the apartment. He sets something down on the kitchen counter just as the kettle starts to scream, and you wait while he pours the water and gets it ready.

"The cherry blossoms bloomed," He says. You grin. "They look great. I got some really nice pictures while I was there, I'll show you tonight. I was thinking we could try to finish Voltron tonight if you want. We'll have to go back an episode though, I think I fell asleep during the last one." You knock once against the counter beside you, and he turns with a wide grin to glance at the spot where you stand.

It's ridiculous for your heart to speed up in your chest, for the hair on the back of your neck to rise, for breath to catch in your throat; you don't have a heartbeat, you don't have breath, you're a shadow of the person you used to be, and yet...

And yet, seeing his dimpled smile focused so naturally on where you are, as if it's just second-nature, is like a breath of fresh air after years underwater. It smells like flowers, like dirt and earth and a new beginning. It feels like you're alive again, and you don't want it to end, but too soon he's turning away to finish steeping the tea. Something lingers in the air for a moment after but it's gone too soon for you to place it.

You both settle on the couch, Namjoon tucking whatever he brought home with him under his arm, between his body and the arm of his ratty old couch. Your cookie sheet is in its place on the coffee table, unneeded at the moment. You can't help the glare that you give it; the things you would give to be able to just speak and be heard are endless.

It rattles a little and you look away.

Namjoon is quiet as the show plays. He doesn't react when you move to turn the oven on, but he does laugh quietly and thank you for it when he goes to put his dinner in. He eats and you don't bother him, though the way he keeps his little package hidden away makes curiosity burn through you. Eventually, once he's eaten and washed his dishes and laughed at the way you rubbed them dry before setting them carefully in their places, he settles back into his blankets and turns on the music he loves so much.

He's got a book balanced in his hands and your cookie sheet rests on the coffee table, and you both just sit like that for a long while, enjoying existing.

"You remember your life, right Casper?" You thump lazily against the wall in response, eyes drawn from where you watch the gloomy sky slowly get lighter with the dawn. He isn't looking at his book anymore; he probably hasn't been for a while, based on the way the pages have migrated around his thumb, too busy staring at the wall across from him. "Do you remember your death?"

You hesitate. You've tiptoed around the subject before. He's always been too afraid to ask directly, and it's too painful for you to offer it freely. You thump against the wall once more, and he nods like he already knew the answer.

"Are they very different?" His glasses are falling down his nose and your fingers itch to push them up. Instead, you reach for your cookie sheet. He makes a sound in the back of his throat when he sees it moving, reaching under him for his package. "I forgot, I got you this. Thought it might be easier."

He sets it down and you slide the contents out of the wrapping easily. Inside is a small dry-erase board, complete with markers and eraser, small things that should be easy for you to manipulate. You beam at him; he can't see it, but you think he might be able to feel it because he perks up and smiles a little.

"You don't have to answer," He adds. "I was just curious to know if being dead is really as different as everyone makes it out to be." You nod and thump once against the board before you uncap a marker and start writing.

It's a bizarre feeling, after so long. The muscles in your hand don't ache, no matter how much you write, and you can't feel the smooth surface of the board under your fingers or the weight of the marker in your palm, but it glides against it cleanly and leaves a thick black streak behind.

It takes you a minute to write everything out, get it worded how you want. Namjoon doesn't interrupt you, just watches the marker move against the board and smiles every time you go to erase something that isn't right. Eventually you show it to him.

There are similarities. I'm still me, I still enjoy TV and music and books. Things are duller now, like there's a filter over them, and it's harder to do things. Like when you're in water, or mud, like that. Resistance.

"Oh," Namjoon replies, "That's not what I expected. It makes sense though I guess." His hand moves against his chest, rubbing lightly as he looks over your words again. "Is there anything you actually like about being a ghost?"

"Well, being invisible is pretty cool," You say, writing the words as you do. "And it's actually really fun being able to walk through walls and stuff, even if I can't go anywhere outside of the apartment."

"I'm sorry you're stuck here," Namjoon says. You startle a little, looking up at him. You think he actually heard you for a split second, but his eyes are locked on where you're writing your words out on the dry erase board.

"Yeah, me too," You tell him. He stares at the board for a long moment, chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he does. "Ask what you want to ask, Joon," You write as you say it.

"How did you die?" He blurts. You sigh and he jumps a little, looking fully at where you sit. You're shocked; you know that sometimes little noises cross over, like when Jin heard you laughing, but it's still rare. You can't figure out how it works, but you want to.

You write for a long time, letters small so they fit on the board. The whole thing is crowded together, looks like one long string of letters instead of the story it is.

There's a lot of violence in this neighborhood. You probably know that by now. People are always getting robbed or mugged or something around here. Someone tried to break into my apartment by banging the door down. It didn't work, luckily, but I got really paranoid afterwards. One night I was cooking, and someone's door slammed really hard. I spilled the water I was boiling, slipped. Blacked out after a while, and when I came to, there were police everywhere. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought, because they carted me away, and I couldn’t follow.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon says softly. "You deserved more time."

Yeah. The universe had a different plan, I guess. He smiles at that, and it settles the anxiety thrumming under your skin. Wouldn't have met you, so I guess that's a bonus. He rolls his eyes at you but he laughs softly, so you consider it a win. You doodle on the board then, simple little designs that don't mean anything beyond being able to see your effect on the world.

Namjoon sucks in a breath beside you and you look up at him. He's always been good about looking towards where you are, doing his best to make eye contact with someone he can't see, but he still always tends to look through you.

Not this time.

This time, electricity sings through the air as your eyes meet his. You don't know how, but you know he can see you. His eyes roam over you, taking in the crumpled sweater you were wearing with the stain you like to think is pasta sauce on the arm, the hair you can't ever really tame, the way you sit cross-legged on his old thread-bare couch with a dry erase board in your hands.

Neither of you moves. He looks torn between fear and amazement, every emotion in between flitting quickly over his features, and you're terrified that if you move, whatever spell that's been cast will fade. It had been so long since you talked to anyone when Namjoon slammed those magnets on the fridge, and the conversation has been a reprieve, but to be seen for the first time in years...

It's invigorating.

Watching Namjoon just look at you is something you won't ever forget, not for as long as you exist in the world. He looks at you like he's memorizing every detail, every hair and wrinkle and pore, and just knowing that he can see you fills you with something new.

"Namjoon...?" You call hesitantly. His eyes fall on your lips.

"Again," He says. Your brows must furrow, maybe you frown, you don't know because it's been so long since you've needed to pay attention to your facial expressions, but he notices your confusion. "Will you say something again?"

Breath you don't have catches in your throat, wraps itself around a heart that doesn't beat, but you smile a little. "I'm glad I met you."

Namjoon smiles. It's big and blinding and knocks everything out of you except for that emotion that's been sitting in your chest since the first time you watched him talk to his plants. You lean forward, and you can tell the exact moment you disappear, because his smile falls and his eyes unfocus. A whimper leaves your throat, but he doesn't react, and that may be the most painful thing that's ever happened to you.

"Can I feel you?" His voice is hushed but the words reverberate in your head. His eyes dart around, looking for any glimpse of you, and your hand trembles as you reach out.

Goosebumps raise on his cheek where your hand touches him and his breath stops for a moment, but he smiles again and leans into the chill. You bring your other hand up to cup his other cheek, your dry erase board lying forgotten on the ground, and Namjoon's eyes flutter closed.

"I think I might love you," You say quietly just before you press your lips to his. He doesn't react to your words, but he lets out a soft sigh at your kiss. Thunder cracks through the apartment, a torrent of rain unleashed on the windows, but you don't move.

The two of you sit like that for hours, until he starts shivering and his nose turns red, like it does when he forgets his scarf on the cold days, and his breath puffs in the air. When you finally pull away from him, he smiles, and the blush on his cheeks has nothing to do with the cold air that makes up your form.

"Yeah," He says softly, voice nearly drowned out by the storm raging outside. "Yeah, I can feel you."

If you expected things to change much after that, you were wrong. At least a little. Namjoon still disappears to go on his walks, you still start the kettle the second his whistles drift up to the apartment. He still asks you a million questions, but they're more normal now. Your favorite music, color, what you wished you'd done with your life, if you've been able to corporealize again recently, what you wanted to watch that night.

"Come on, Casper," Namjoon groans. "I promise you can do it." You huff and he smiles, clearly having heard it. You're tempted to just disappear somewhere, rattle some pipes in the bathroom or the kitchen so he thinks you're in there and leaves you alone, but he smiles at you again and you're weak for that dimple.

You grip the watering can again, doing your best to lift it and manipulate it the way you need to. It's heavy, and something about the metal makes your skin itch, but the more you struggle the more you're able to pour the slightest bit of water where RJ - a giant plant that you don't even know the name of - sits in the corner of the room across from Namjoon's bed. It's the twentieth-something time you've tried this today, and you're ten seconds from just giving up completely, but you can tell this is important to Namjoon.

He's been talking all week, between the late nights where you lay over his blanket-wrapped form and the mornings where he ducks out with a soft goodbye. He's told you everything about his plants that you think he possibly could, teaching you about them and showing you how to care for them. It's interesting, you won't lie, and it's always fun to see him light up when you recall something he's told you, but you're exhausted and every part of you is shaky, and you're more than a little worried of what might happen if you push too far again.

Still, Joon hasn't looked great lately, like he might be getting the flu, and you want to be able to help him with all the things he does in the house. You've already started doing the dishes and folding laundry, since those were the two things he was the absolute worst at, but you feel like you should be doing more.

"Good job, baby, I'm proud of you!" You grunt and let the watering can fall back to the ground with a loud thump that almost definitely has the downstairs neighbors cursing Namjoon's name. "See, and now we're done for the day! C'mon, we can put on Sens8 and cuddle."

He's on the couch before you can stop him, wrapping himself in blankets except for one lone hand that sticks out, expectant. You roll your eyes and sit beside him, close enough that if you had a body you would be cuddling instead of just sitting awkwardly beside him.

You know that this is just going to make your hand all pink and gross, right?

He just smiles when the board flips around to reveal itself and wiggles his fingers. "It's worth it," He says. "I'd rather be pink and gross than never get to hold your hand at all."

You can't even feel my hand, Joon, there's literally no point to this. He huffs and wraps his hand around the marker in your hand, shivering at the chill that runs through him when he does. He grins and gestures down to where the tips of his fingers are already turning red.

"Clearly I can feel it, Casper."

You're glad he can't see you, that you don't have a heart that beats or blood that runs, because if you did, your face would no doubt be red. You have no doubts that Namjoon would tease you about it.

He's quiet as you both watch the show; he makes the odd comment here or there, but his mood seems to have calmed some. When he first got back from whatever place he visited that day, he'd been anxious and jumpy and entirely too on edge.

"Hey, Casper?" He asks quietly. You slide a hand against his cheek to let him know you're there, and he leans into the chill again. "What do you think about me?"

You don't move for several seconds, hand still poised around his cheek.

"Like, your feelings. What are they? Will you tell me?" You knock once on the wall behind the couch. Your hand stays poised over your board for long enough that Namjoon starts to get a little restless. Words refuse to come to you. Every time you start to think you have a way to describe to him what he means to you, they disappear as quick as fog on a summer's afternoon. Frustrated, you let the board fall to the couch and scrawl a quick 'hold on' so he knows you aren't just ignoring him.

It's been weeks since you've seen what you're looking for, your cookie sheet with the word magnets having been basically forgotten in lieu of the more personal and convenient dry-erase board, but right now you know that if words won't come to you, you'll have to go to them.

You finally find it, shoved under several encyclopedias and magazines, and the noise you make is so triumphant that even Namjoon hears it. You curl back up beside him, careful to make sure the blanket is wrapped tight around him, and make sure he can see the words as you move them. It still takes a long time, constantly changing and rearranging and stacking to make sure it conveys the things you need it to convey.

You are like music. A symphony of summer days and peach skies with soft rain. You are a storm in the moonlight. I'm not lonely when I have you pouring around me. You make me feel alive again.

Namjoon is silent for a long time, and you wonder if you've gone too far. It's more poetic than you'd like, too frilly and fancy and emotional than you usually are, but they're the only words you have.

After too long, he exhales. It's heavy and deep and it feels like he's trying to expel more than just air from his body.

"You make me feel alive, too," is all he says, whispered into the softness of his blanket in a voice too small for his long limbs. He shivers, and you hear him choke down a cough, and then he disappears into the bathroom for a long time. When he comes back out, he doesn't say anything, just slides into the mass of blankets on his bed and lays his arm out across the mattress. You spread out across from him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he looks through you and out the window where the rain is letting up.

"Looks like the rainy season is gonna last longer than everyone thought." You slide your hands around one of his large ones and just hold them like that. His eyes sink closed and something like relief stands on his face for a moment before it's gone, swept away by the peace of sleep.

You wonder what it is that he sees when he looks out the window. If it's the plain brick wall and windows of the building next door, or something more.

You aren't sure you want to know.

Namjoon's flu only seems to get worse. He leaves early in the mornings, as if he thinks you might not notice the way he coughs into his scarf just because the sun hasn't risen fully yet. He stays gone most of the days, and even when he apologizes quietly during the twilight when he slinks back in to the sound of the kettle screeching on the stove and his tea already waiting to be steeped, he still doesn't stop.

You've taken to playing blues while he's gone, mostly the old school stuff, digging out the vintage record player he has buried in the closet and setting it up on the coffee table. It’s the only technology you can use without shorting it out. You don’t know why, but it makes you grateful the record collection Namjoon keeps tucked away inside the coffee table that you’ve learned is in fact an actual steamer trunk that he salvaged and restored himself.

The music fills the apartment, distracts you from the oppressive weight of his absence. He knows you wait at the window for him, you told him that back when the two of you were first getting to know each other.

You're so fragile, you had told him. He had laughed at you, quiet and fond, and waited for you to explain further. You're so full of life and breath and possibility, and the world is so big and so dangerous. I'm scared you won't come back.

"Of course I'm going to come back," he told you. You didn't even need to tell him that you're afraid of what being alone might do to you, now that you're so used to his presence. You're being heard again, sometimes even seen, and you don't know if you can go back to the stagnant depression of solitude. "I'll always come back to you."

That was the first time you thought you might love Namjoon. The feeling has only gotten stronger, and now that you wait at the window with your eyes focused on that tiny section of sidewalk you can see at the end of the alley, it threatens to consume you whole.

You wait at the window for hours. You know because you glance at the clock every minute and a half, mocking you with every tick as it hangs limply on the bathroom door. The sun sinks below the horizon, the moon rises to take its place, and they switch again while you wait. The dawn paints the sky in beautiful shades of pink and red and orange and the faintest purple, but you can't appreciate any of it, because you're too anxious.

He could be hurt. He could be gone, and you wouldn't ever know until his friends came to pack his things. He could have left, too; maybe he finally decided that living with a ghost was just too much for him and just ran. Maybe he figured out that you love him, that you would move heaven and earth if it meant he was safe forever if only you could leave this apartment, and it was too much for him.

What if he knows about how you lay beside him every night? How you tuck the blankets tighter around him, cover him in warmth and comfort before settling on top of them and closing your eyes and pretending that you can feel his arm draped over your waist and his breath on the back of your neck. What if he felt you, that night you wandered into the bathroom while he was showering to write on the steam-covered mirror that he needs to buy more eggs soon and got distracted by the way he looked stepping out of the shower? What if he knows your stomach flipped at the long limbs and the hidden muscles and the sheer size of him? What if he knows the real reason you were quiet that night, the way you kept replaying the moment in your mind and wishing you had a body so you could have just touched him, at least.

It's closer to noon than midnight when his whistle echoes up through the window.

"Hey, I'm home," He calls as he enters the empty apartment. You're upset, but you're more filled with relief than anything because at least he's safe and he's here now. He makes a beeline for where the kettle is just starting to whistle, already reaching for the honey and the tea you set out on the counter for him, and you do your best to calm the storm of emotions inside you.

Did you have fun, wherever you were? You ask him, floating the whiteboard in front of his face so he has to acknowledge it.

"Yeah, I did," he responds as he stirs his tea. "Jin invited everyone over for some end of summer thing. I didn't feel too great at the end of it, so I just spent the night there."

Don't party too hard, you might remember how to have fun, you joke. It falls a little flat based on the grim smile Namjoon gives you. Are they gonna come over here again anytime soon? I've missed scaring Hoseok.

He lets out a real laugh at that. "I don't know, maybe. My birthday's coming up, after Jeongguk's, so they could definitely be planning something. I'm heading over to Yoongi's later to help plan for Guk's party. I might stay there tonight, so try not to worry, Casper."

I'll try, you tell him. You both know you'll stand at the window every second he's gone, but you don't want to tell him why. You don't want to tell him that you love him through a dry erase board, or some fancy poetry magnets. It doesn't matter that you may as well have already said so by telling him that he makes you feel alive again; you haven't said the words to him, he hasn't seen 'I love you' in the messy scrawl that is your handwriting on some stupid board, and therefore he doesn't know.

You don't know if you want him to.

He stays gone that night, as he said he might, and reappears the next day to shower and change before he vanishes again. The next time he shows up, he takes a bag with him when he leaves, which only worsens your fears. He stays gone for three days this time, doesn't apologize when he turns up again and just mumbles a soft hello into the air before he makes tea and sags into his couch. He's asleep in seconds, and as much as you want to scream at him, you can't bring yourself to disrupt how peaceful he looks.

When he wakes, he takes a shower and ignores the ' can we talk ' you scrawled in the steam. He packs a bag of fresh clothes and doesn't say goodbye when he leaves, just disappears and leaves you standing at the window with the pail in your hand, caring for the plants he isn't. The slam of the door sounds like nails in a coffin and breaks what little was left of your soul.

He shows back up nearly a week later, and the relief at seeing him again is overridden by the sheer anger at being left in the first place. You don't start the kettle when you hear his whistle, the quiet and hoarse tune of a familiar song barely reaching the window, but there's plenty of noise when he enters.

The cabinet doors are quaking with your fury, the lights flicker and threaten to burst, and Namjoon just leans back against the door. He’s soaked from the storm thundering outside, even his jacket plastered to his skin, and he’s shivering slightly, but you can’t see anything past the rage.

"Where the fuck were you?" You demand; there's no point, it's not like he can hear you, but the way he sighs makes you feel like he can, so you continue anyway. "It's been almost a week, you didn't even think to stop by for ten seconds so I know you're okay? I thought you were dead somewhere, you could've been, like, shot, or something, I don't know, just bleeding out in some ditch, and I wouldn't know! And what about all the plants? I know how to take care of them, sure, but do you know how hard it is for me to do it?"

Namjoon sighs again, the breath catching in his throat and coming out in a cough, but you don't pay much attention to it.

"Why would you act like this, Namjoon? What did I do, is it because of the things I said? Do you not want me to feel like this about you? Because this a damn good way of making sure I don't, I assure you, so by all means, just keep disappearing and leave me alone with the plants you decided to rescue and save!"

His cough gets worse and he just shakes his head, covering his mouth and making his way towards the bathroom.

"If you want me to hate you, it's too fucking late, Joon!" The slam of the bathroom door punctuates your sentence, and you quiet at the sound of continued coughing. You knew his flu was getting worse, but it's never sounded like that. Even when you were alive, you knew that the wet sound that's muffled by the bathroom door isn't what a cough should sound like. The lock of the door clicks, and it shocks you into movement because he's never - never - locked you out of anywhere. He knows it wouldn't stop you, knows it as well as you know that you'd respect that boundary if he set it, and yet here he is, locking you out even as he coughs up what sounds like a lung in the other room.

You hesitate at the door, torn between respecting his boundaries and knowing what’s happening. You want him to trust you, always, and yet you find your hand disappearing through the door before you can stop it. You stand like that for a long moment, just listening to the sounds of his wracking coughs; the sound of a crash echoes through the apartment, though, and you’re through the door completely in the span of a heartbeat. 

Nearly everything that had been on the counter is scattered on the ground, Namjoon himself gripping the sides of the toilet as if he would fall apart otherwise. A single glance tells you that the crash happened as he turned from the sink to the toilet, and if his jolting shoulders didn’t tell you why, the sounds of his retching would. That isn’t what fills you with dread though; the disorientation, the vomiting, all of it comes with being sick sometimes, but the red staining the bathroom sink? 

That’s not normal, and you know with every part of you that it’s the reason he’s been gone so much. 

The temperature in the apartment drops with the sun, but your arms surround Namjoon as best they can. Goosebumps break out on his arms, shivers run down his back, but you don’t move away from him; he doesn’t say anything, just sits there with his forehead pressed against the cool of the porcelain. He stands eventually, ignores the way he passes completely through your body to rinse the sink and brush his teeth. 

You let him stay quiet until you’re both on his bed; you’re pressed up against his side and running your hands along his forearms, idly wondering if you would be able to feel his heartbeat if you were alive. 

“It’s not...it’s not gonna get better,” He says eventually. “There’s not a cure, just some things to draw it out and give me a little bit longer even if they come with more pain. I go once a week to see if it’s gotten worse, check how much longer I have. It’s why Hobi let me move in here rent-free. He pays the bills, says it’s the least he can do. I wanted to be closer to him anyway, so that’s a bonus, I guess.”

“I’m so sorry, Joon,” you whisper. Your board lies forgotten, somewhere on the couch maybe, you aren’t sure and can’t be bothered to pull yourself away from him long enough to find it. You don’t need it right now, though; he knows what you mean by the way the cold presses against his bicep with your palm. 

“I didn’t want you to know.” You’re not exactly surprised at that; you’d figured as much. You just don’t understand his reasoning. “I didn’t want you worrying about me, or anything like that, like the guys do. They always look at me and it’s all they can see. Like they’re already mourning me, even though I’m still here. I didn’t want to feel like that with you.” 

“I know,” you say. You don’t, not really. Your own death was sudden, a shock to everyone you knew; you didn’t get the luxury of saying goodbye, didn’t have the burden of knowing you would be gone soon. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, until you can feel Namjoon’s chest quivering under your palm. When you look up, he looks at you, really and truly at you , and he has tears in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to die, Casper,” He whispers. You suck in a breath because he can see you, and you don’t even know why, but you don’t want to lose this moment. “I don’t want to leave all of this behind. I don’t want to leave you.” 

“It’ll be okay,” you say softly. His brow furrows and a tear slides down his cheek. “I promise you it will be okay, Namjoon. It gets easier, and people remember but they aren’t stuck forever. And I…” You falter, and it takes his eyes meeting yours to make you realize he can hear you. And there’s only one thing you’ve ever needed him to hear. 

“I love you,” You tell him. “I love you, and I will never forget you.” 

He surges forward, lips meeting yours in a rush of air. You moan at the feeling of him against you, realizing that for the first time since you died, you can feel something under your fingers. His skin is warm against your fingers, his lips soft against your own, and when he reaches up to cup your jaw with his hand, he doesn’t pass through your form. Instead his hand settles heavy against you, and he moves your head to lick into your mouth. 

Tears that won’t fall prickle at the back of your eyes and you climb into his lap before he can stop you. He’s still crying so you wipe away the tears before they can fall, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks, his dimples, his nose, every bit you can reach. A question sits at the back of your mind, and you can see it lingering in his eyes, but neither of you asks it.

“You’re so cold.” His whisper is nearly lost amidst the thunder that shakes the apartment, but it makes you smile a little. 

“Warm me up?” 

His chest is still quivering with unspoken sobs, but he nods. “Always,” he tells you. “I’m always going to be here.” It doesn’t take long to pry him out of his clothes, takes even less time for him to sink into you. It feels just like it did when you were alive, only magnified; you can feel him hot and warm inside you, can feel the beat of his heart in the firm muscle under your hands. His moans are quiet and hoarse but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He keeps one hand on your waist and the other on your neck, holding you close enough that he can kiss whenever he wants. “You’re beautiful,” He whispers. “The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” You just press another kiss to his chapped lips and let him dig his fingers in hard enough that it would bruise if it could. When he’s close to his peak, he stops thrusting, just sits inside you as he grinds your hips down to his, and presses his forehead against yours. 

“I love you,” He tells you, lightning casting his shadow across the wall for a brief moment. “I love you, I do, I wish-”

“I know,” you tell him before he can continue. “I know, Namjoon, I know, and I do, too. I love you, too.” He comes a few seconds later, the warm seed soaking into his sheets because it has nowhere to go. His warmth disappears from under your hands and his arms fall to his lap when the only thing holding them up is gone. All you can hear is your quiet sobs mixed with his and the rain against the window, and for the first time since you came back, you really, truly, wish you had died. There’s no point in being a ghost when you can still feel your heart breaking in your chest. 

“Casper, are you ever scared?” 

It’s the middle of the afternoon. Namjoon is sprawled across the couch wrapped in blankets while Lucifer plays in the background and you doodle aimlessly on your board. You don’t need it as often now; you’ve gotten better at focusing your energy into being heard, though being corporeal still eludes you. You don’t know how you did it that night, but you’re grateful for it. 

“Of what?” You ask, looking towards him. He’s not looking at you or watching the show, just staring at the ceiling. He focuses at your words, lifts himself up into a sitting position. A shiver runs through him when his legs move through you, and you settle a weightless hand against his knee out of habit. 

“I don’t know,” He replies. “Just...whatever comes next. If there’s something that comes next. Being forgotten. Being stuck here forever.” 

You aren’t stupid; you know why he’s asking. The question lingers in the air, colors all of your conversations now, but the truth is that neither of you has the strength to ask it and neither of you knows the answer. 

“Sometimes,” You tell him. “Sometimes I wonder what Jihyo is doing, if she ever had a baby like she wanted to. I wonder if my parents are still alive, and what they say if they visit my grave, what they tell me now that I can’t respond to them.” 

Namjoon nods like he’s already thought of that, and he probably has. 

“Most of the time I try not to focus on it, though. It’s not helpful, it only upsets me, and I don’t…” You trail off, unsure of how to word your thoughts. “I don’t know what might happen if I only focus on the negative. I don’t know anything about what’s true about ghosts and what isn’t beyond that I exist now, and I can’t risk becoming something bad. So I try not to focus on it. It’s easier when you’re here.”

He grins and blows a kiss in your general direction, and you pretend not to notice the blood on his cracked lips. He’s quiet for the rest of the episode of half of another. 

“Have you ever seen a light?” 

“What?” He doesn’t seem to hear you, and you repeat your question on your board for him. 

“A light,” He echoes. “Like, the light.Y’know, the light at the end of the tunnel, ‘don’t go into the light,’ that thing.” 

You hesitate at that. You knew what he meant, what he actually wants to know here. He’s easier to read now than he was in the beginning. 

You watch him as he watches the space where you sit, curled up beside him on his couch. He can’t see you, of course, but he can see where the board rests in your hands. His gaze is heavier than it was when he first moved in; his cheeks are hollower, skin more gaunt with a grey tint that’s only made worse by the constant rain. The sun is just starting to break through the clouds, a brief reprieve after weeks of the dreary stone-colored clouds. It casts shadows along the walls, reflects off something in the window across the alley, and backlights Namjoon beautifully, casts a halo of light around the brittle brown hair you love. 

Once, you tell him. Just once.

“Why didn’t you go to it?” 

There are so many things you could tell him, so many different ways to answer such a simple question, but you find yourself lingering on the one thing you know is the ultimate truth. 

Because I love you.

September comes with even more rain and a bittersweet atmosphere. Jeongguk spends his birthday at Namjoon’s apartment and then comes back a little over a week later, surrounded by the other guys and carrying enough food to last a few months. You stay curled on the bed, one of the only safe places for you to not mess with anyone or anything. Your board is tucked into the blankets, ready to be used but hidden from view just in case. You watch as Namjoon sits on the couch, tucked between Taehyung and Yoongi with both of them leaning into him as much as possible, Yoongi’s hands wrapped in one of his and Tae’s head on his shoulder. 

The other’s aren’t far, leaning against the back of the couch and on beanbags they’d brought with them, all laughing as Hoseok does his best to act out whatever he’d been given in charades. He’s not bad at it - you’ve guessed the last few he’s done - but he is utterly ridiculous in his mannerisms. You know why; it’s the same reason everyone kept smiling when Namjoon refused all of the food he was offered, why Seokjin would crack a terrible joke whenever it got too quiet for too long, why everyone is resolutely ignoring the growing pile of tissues on the table. 

It keeps a smile on Namjoon’s face, though, and a laugh in his eyes, and you can’t ever be anything but grateful for that. 

Hoseok stumbles, nearly falling and whirling his arms to catch himself before eventually falling anyway. You laugh along with the others, grinning at the way Hobi pouts and rubs at his hip. You’re focused on the way Joon laughs, the way it lights up his face and brightens the entire room, which is why you see it first. 

The tickle at the back of his throat quickly becomes a cough, wet and wheezing and enough to make him throw the blankets from his lap and stumble to the bathroom. 

You’re there before he is, helping him slide the door closed and locking it behind him as he bends over the toilet again. The six of them are quiet in the main room, speaking in hushed whispers that neither you nor Namjoon wants to hear. You turn the knob on the sink, wetting a towel while you drown out the sound of voices, and letting a hand run over Namjoon’s back. 

“I’m okay,” he mutters. You ignore the way his voice shakes, the way his lips are redder than before, the way this happens more often than before. Instead, you just press the damp rag to his neck and watch his eyes close in relief. When he stands and flushes the evidence away, you already have his toothbrush ready and waiting, and you stay as close to him as you can until he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m okay,” He repeats. “I’m okay. It’s my birthday, and I’m okay.” 

He goes back out with a smile on his face and a laugh in his voice, teasing Hoseok about the way he fell and reenacting it, even. When he settles on the couch, he urges the others to continue the game. There’s a brief moment of hesitation before Jimin declares that he’s next and pulls something from the bowl on the table. 

You know you aren’t the only one that notices the way Namjoon’s eyes linger on the six men around him, but you are the only one that notices the way they also linger on his steamer trunk, the shelf with his books, the TV, the record player, the scrapbook of his life that they all worked on and Taehyung pieced together over the months, the plants on the wall that he had cared for. He looks around his apartment as if he’s looking at it for the last time. 

As if he’s already planning who’s going to get what. 

He finally asks the question you both have been thinking about, nearly two months later. His breathing comes in ragged pants, his lips stay chapped, and he keeps several blankets around him at all times to try to hide the shaking of his body. Your soft sobs echo through the apartment constantly; while you reheat the tea he doesn’t drink for the millionth time, while you quietly water and prune the plants he’s saved from death the way you wish you could save him, while you sit curled around him as he sleeps, soothing his coughs with quiet whispers. 

Night has just begun to fall, the rain of the day turning into a soft drizzle, and you stare at him blankly, unsure how to process what you’ve just heard. 

“Do you think I’ll come back?” He asks again, slightly louder. As if you hadn’t heard his shaky voice the first time. It’s not the question that floors you. You’ve been expecting this for weeks, months even. You’ve wondered it yourself as you prepare tea and ignore the sounds of him vomiting blood in the bathroom, as he disappears to the hospital and returns with a worse prognosis than before, as you’ve adjusted to the idea that you are dead and he is dying and you cannot do anything to help him. 

You never would have expected the hope that his words carry though. 

“Why does it sound like you want to?” You ask. Your voice is clear in the air and you’re glad for it, because this isn’t something you want to talk about through your board. 

“Because I do?” His response is delayed and sounds more like a question than a real answer. 

“Why?!” You demand. 

“Are you serious, Casper?” His brow is furrowed as he sits up and lets the blankets fall away to sit haphazardly off the couch. 

“Are you? Joon, why would you want to come back?”

“You’re seriously asking me that question? Why would I not? I’ve got so much I still want to do, I never thought I’d get the chance to after I got the diagnosis and now I might be able to. Why wouldn’t I want that?”

“Because it doesn’t work like that! You don’t get to just wander the world and fuck around, Joon, you’re dead.”

“Yeah, but you can still read and write and everything. I’d have all the time in the world to read the books I want to read, watch the shows I want to watch, write the music and stories and lyrics that I want to write.”

“Yeah, so long as it all stays in this apartment!” The light in the room flickers slightly with the force of your irritation. “You can’t do anything that isn’t in this room, Namjoon, you can’t use any of the electronics, you can’t read a book unless it’s here, you can’t write music unless it’s on actual paper, you can’t do anything.” 

“Yeah, and I could make that work. Why are you so upset about this? I thought you’d be happy.”

“Happy? You think I’d be happy that you’d be stuck in these four walls forever, too? Why would that make me happy?” Namjoon stands, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. 

“Because I’d be with you! We’d be together, forever! Do you not want to be with me?”

“Of course I want to be with you, Joon, but not at the cost of you being stuck here. I don’t want that for anyone, certainly not the man I love.”

“And what if that’s what I want? What if I want to spend the rest of time with you? I’m already spending the rest of my life with you, I’m in love with you, I don’t want to leave you.”

“And I don’t want you to go, but Joon, why would I want you stuck here, too? This isn’t something fun. This isn’t anything that I enjoy.”

“Oh, so you regret it all then?”

“I didn’t say that, I just don’t want you to be stuck in a shitty studio apartment for who knows how long when you can’t fucking do half of the things you love! You wouldn’t go on walks, Namjoon, you wouldn’t go with Guk and Jimin to the movies, you wouldn’t get visits from Hobi, you wouldn’t get to shop with Taehyung or Jin, you wouldn’t get to drag Yoongi away from his thesis or celebrate with them when he finishes it! It’s not like being alive, Namjoon, you’d be dead and alone and in hell!”

“Whatever,” He mutters, shoving his arms into his coat. “Why can’t you understand for one fucking second that it wouldn’t be like that with you? I’d rather be stuck here forever than have to die in some shitty apartment and not even be able to touch the person I love.”

“Why can’t you understand that it’s still death? You’d be dead, Joon, your friends would go to your funeral and disappear from your life, and you’d be stuck staring out that window at that shitty alley for the rest of time. You don’t get it, you don’t how terrible it is to be stuck here and watch life pass you by.”

“Then why the fuck are you still here?” He asks. The door slams behind him before you can answer him, and your scream shakes everything in the room. You just barely catch one of the plants in the kitchen, a brown-potted one with ‘Shooky’ scrawled in Yoongi’s familiar handwriting, before it crashes to the ground. You return it to its place gently and huff another frustrated groan. 

You wish you could explain it better, but you know he wouldn’t get it even if you could. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be trapped between four walls and unable to do anything without massive amounts of effort. And he won’t, not unless he experiences it himself. 

You’ve already watched him wither away. You’ve watched him become thin and sallow and a shadow of the Namjoon who first moved in, and you don’t know what you would do if he came back. You wouldn’t be alone anymore, of course, and you’d have him here with you, but at what cost? Namjoon was built for cherry blossoms and sunshine and the riverside. He would hate being trapped here even more than you do.

Still, you could have been more understanding of his view. You can admit that even being stuck in a shitty apartment wasn’t so terrible when you had Namjoon there to make you laugh or watch TV or read to you. It may even get better if he turned into a ghost; maybe you could hold his hands in yours, could feel him wrap his arms around you, could press kisses to his skin again. 

You move to the window and stand there waiting. It’s not good for him to be out, even if the rain had stopped a few days ago and the forecasters promised it was the end of the downpours. He was still weak, you’d be surprised he even went anywhere to begin with but you know he likes to walk to calm himself down. 

You worry for what feels like hours. You can’t focus on anything, not the way the sun starts to set, not the sound of cars passing or the neighbor leaving. You’ve worked yourself into knots by the time you hear his whistle echo up through the streets, nearly lost in the sound of some argument in the alley below you. You catch a brief view of his coat and smile when you see that he’s got some half-dead plant tucked under an arm. There’s the briefest glimpse of what looks like a Ca scrawled onto it, and your heart jumps in your throat.

You make your way to the stove, turning the heat up slightly too high so that it’ll be ready when he comes in. The arguing outside gets louder but you pay it no mind, pulling the honey out and setting it next to his favorite mug. You’re reaching for the tea when you hear something else. It definitely sounds like Namjoon’s voice, but it’s not in the hall or at the door like usual. It’s raised, like he’s yelling at someone, like it was just a while ago when he was fighting with you. A crash startles you and before you can even reach the window to see what’s going on, there’s a deafening bang. 

You slam your fist against the window, watch the red mix with dirt, and the kettle isn't that only thing that screams. 

“I think that’s the last of it,” Jeongguk says. His voice is scratchy and quiet, but it’s deafening in the silence of the apartment. 

“Yeah,” Hoseok replies. His eyes are rimmed with red and his hands shake as he slides the last mug into a box. “Thanks for the help, Guk. I don’t, um.” He sniffles. “I don’t think I could’ve done it myself, y’know?” 

“I know,” Jeongguk agrees. They’re quiet again, adjusting the things they’ve boxed and avoiding finishing what they’re doing. 

“Oh, can you get that?” You don’t have to look to know what Hoseok is talking about. Jeongguk grunts an affirmation and makes his way over. It’s a strange feeling, having someone pass through you again for the first time since. His hands fly into the air as he tries to lift, clearly not having expected it to weigh anything. 

His reflection in the window frowns, and he tries again, tugging on the pot. 

“I can’t get it,” He says. “Do you think he glued these things down or something?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies as he wanders over as well. “He used to pick them up to re-pot them, remember? And the others came up with no problem.” 

“Well it’s stuck or something, you try.”

Hobi takes Jeongguk’s place and pulls hard at the plot, but your grip doesn’t waver. He huffs and disappears. When he returns, he’s got a butter knife in one hand that he does his best to slip under the pot. He tries hard to pry it up, so hard that you almost want to give in. You don’t though. 

The knife clatters to the floor with as much force as Hoseok can put behind it, a curse following quickly behind it. 

“Fuck it,” Hoseok says. His voice is shaky and you know he’s near tears again. “Just fuck it.” 

“But that was-”

“You can try if you want, Guk, but I just-” He chokes back a sob, shaking his head and moving to pick up the boxes he’d set down. “I just can’t, okay?” He disappears out the door in a hurry, and you wish you could follow after him. 

Jeongguk looks down at the small plant, with its painted periwinkle pot and soft leaves. He runs a quivering finger over the leaf and sniffles. He doesn’t try to lift it again, just stands and lets his tear soak into the soil.

“I wish you could come back to us,” He whispers. “We thought...we expected more time. It’s not...it’s not really fair, y’know? So if you can hear me, if you can come back to us, please do. Please.” 

He turns and leaves, the apartment door slamming behind him like the lid of a casket. Your grip on Mang loosens now that you know no one’s going to try to take it. You’d watched them pack everything else up; you’d let them take the steamer trunk full of records, the shelf full of books and movies, the collection of mugs, the soft blankets, the ratty couch, the rest of the plants he’d cared for so tenderly. 

Piece by piece they had packed Namjoon up and walked him out of the apartment, but this was the one piece they couldn’t have. This was his favorite and none of them knew how to care for it like you did, and you had to. You owed it to him. He deserved to come back to at least one familiar thing, never mind that you woke up not even a day later and it’s now been weeks. If there was one thing you wanted him to see when he got back, it was his favorite of his plants. 

The sun glares into your eyes from where it shines down on the city. It reflects off something in the window from across the alley, would be blinding if you actually had eyes. You pay it no mind, focused instead on the remains of the broken brown pot down in the alley, the way you’ve pieced them together in your head a thousand times just to trace the word Casper with your eyes. You can almost hear his voice saying it, even now.

You whip around, eyes darting through the empty space of the apartment as your hands tighten around Mang.

All that rests there is empty space, mocking in its loneliness. You remember when he moved in, remember how it felt to test the boundaries of the apartment and wish you were free. The want is still there, to leave and never think of it again, never think of him. You know better, though. You could never escape the memory of him, the way he laughed and smiled and spoke. You could never abandon Mang. Not when he said he’d always come back to you. 

You turn back to the window, cursing the sunlight with every other breath. It fades, slowly, into the black of night, before returning again, and again, and again. Days pass, each one feeling like years. Hoseok doesn’t appear to show the apartment, no one comes to collect the small periwinkle pot between your palms, and the ghost of his laugh echoes around you. 

The sun blinds you again. You don’t even know how long it’s been, just that you’ve yet to move. Light glints off whatever hangs in the window across the alley. That's when you see it, a vague reflection in the weathered glass of a dimple and a grin, and warmth surrounds you.

“I told you I’d always come back, Casper.”

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 41

Two weeks after finding the photo, you’re not doing well. Yoongi’s determined to change that. 

Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x Actress!Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Genre: fluff, angst, idk anymore?

|mlist|

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“Y/n, you do have to go to class.”

You gulp. You’ve been dreading this call- and Yoongi is staring at you. “I know, Mom.”

Your mom sighs over the phone. “Are you planning on dropping out? You’re still registered for classes.”

You wrap the blanket tighter around yourself, refusing to look at the other person in the room. Yoongi’s sitting quietly, waiting for you to finish your call. “I-I’m not dropping out!”

“When I agreed to let you go to Seoul Arts, it was with the promise that you’d keep up your grades and partially support yourself with a job.” Your mother’s tone is sharp. “And, Y/n. Not or.”

You bite your lip, your hand trembling to the point where you almost lose your grip on the phone. “I’m acting- I’m making money.”

“For now. How far can you go without a degree?”

You inhale sharply. You can feel that familiar tightness spread throughout your chest. “Yes, Mom.”

“Oh, here you go again. Don’t ‘yes, mom’ me. I can’t fix your life for you, Y/n. You’re lucky I’m friends with the dean’s friend’s boyfriend’s sister. How else would I have found out you haven’t been to class in almost two weeks? It’s not like you would talk to me about these things.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“I’m serious, Y/n. I even tried calling Lisa to ask what was up with you, since you never answer my calls.”

Lisa. Your throat feels tight, and suddenly you can’t breathe. Luckily, your mother doesn’t notice your silence:

“I mean, she didn’t answer, but still! What about your exams, Y/n? You’re going to have to repeat the year! You might as well just come home.”

Your eye twitches at her words. “No.” You’re not going to go home– not now, not ever, and especially not while Lisa’s still missing. 

You hear her click her tongue over the phone. It’s a sound more familiar to you than your own name. “Can you at least tell me why you haven’t been going to classes?”

You look up and meet Yoongi’s eyes. “It’s a long story.”

“I’m sure it is,” your mom says huffily, and you fight the sudden urge to hang up. “Well, that won’t do. I’m cutting you off.”

You blink hard, your throat dry. “What?” Surely it’s an empty threat– even with Moon Over the Sea, you can’t afford rent and the Seoul Arts tuition on your own. Your mother has to know that. “Mom, you can’t–” Yoongi must hear the anxiety in your voice because he catches your eye, asking a silent question.

“I can and I will, Y/n. Because this is what you wanted, right? You’ve done nothing but push me away.”

You can feel that yes, Mom on the tip of your tongue. And yet… “Because you were suffocating me!” You explode. “God, you’re even cutting me off just to control me, ‘cause you want me to crawl back home and admit I need you. You know what, Mom? You have the worst timing. Cut me off– maybe I will drop out, but I’m not coming home. I have bigger things to worry about.”

“Y/n L/n–” But you don’t hear the rest of her words, because you hang up with as much force as you can deliver to a touchscreen. Despite the blanket wrapped around your shoulders and your space heater on full blast, you feel the cold in your bones, and the muted panic that accompanies the familiar sensation.

“Y/n?” Yoongi says gently, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you whisper, curling up on your pillows.

“I wasn’t going to ask. I was just hoping you’d eat something.” He motions at the takeout he brought over hours ago, and which you’ve left untouched. You’ve barely moved at all, and if you weren’t such good friends with Yoongi you’d feel embarrassed for him to see you in this state.

Despite the fact that you’ve eaten nothing today, your stomach churns at the thought of putting the food in your mouth. “I’m not hungry.” 

Yoongi sighs, pursing his lips. “Okay. Want to go outside?”

“It’s late.”

“That’s never stopped us.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“You haven’t been in the mood for more than a week.”

“I-” your head drops to rest on your knees. “She’s still missing.”

“I know, Y/n.” Yoongi reaches out gently, as though you’re a frightened deer, and begins rubbing calming circles on your back. “But living like this… you’re not helping anyone.”

You feel tears filling your eyes. “I’m not helping anyways. She’s missing, and I’m useless.”

“Thanks for bringing this in, Miss L/n,” Detective Kang said, sliding Lisa’s laptop into a labelled evidence bag. You felt a rush of guilt. Did it count as obstruction of justice when you were only trying to find out what happened? Yoongi had copied the photo to his phone- was that breaking the law? “So, has Lisa tried to contact you again?”

You shook your head. “Radio silence. I’ve tried calling and texting dozens of times– nothing’s getting through.”

“Okay. Please let me know if you hear anything from her. Adults aren’t considered as high-priority as missing minors, but…” Detective Kang stared intensely into the distance. “We’ll find your friend.” He turned away with the laptop under his arm, and at that moment you spoke up.

“There’s something else.” What was the redheaded girl who pushed you into the river doing on Lisa’s laptop? If she knew Lisa was connected to you… it meant that your best friend could be in real trouble.

Detective Kang was eyeing you curiously. “Go ahead.”

But if it turned out to be nothing… you would be in trouble for messing with her computer. And– shit– so would Yoongi. “Nothing. Slip of the tongue.”

“Alright. Ms. L/n, I’m sure Lisa is safe. The most important thing is that you leave this to the professionals.”

And now, two weeks after turning the laptop in, there’s been no word from Lisa or Detective Kang. After unlocking Lisa’s computer during that movie night, you began seeing the redheaded stranger around every corner, and leaving your apartment has become more and more difficult; what if she finds you and tries to finish what she started? All you know is that Lisa and the redhead are connected, which puts both you and your best friend in danger. After all, the first time the stranger attacked you was before you and Yoongi’s fake relationship. Who knows what she’d do now? 

You’ve stopped attending classes altogether– leading to the argument with your mother– and you know you should return, but you can’t bear to go back to the place where you and Lisa spent so much time together. You haven’t even begun looking for a new manager. 

“Want to watch a movie?” Yoongi says eventually, clearly noticing you’ve gotten lost in your thoughts again. 

“I’m good.” You rub your eyes, suddenly exhausted. “You should go home, Yoongs.” If your mother really has cut you off, you’ve got a lot to think about– and some choices to make. For some reason, Yoongi remains motionless.

“Do you remember the last time you didn’t take care of yourself, Y/n? You ended up in the hospital.”

His words send you tumbling back to the night, that night when you fainted after kissing him. The boys had visited you, and then Lisa stopped by, and then you were discharged, and… 

“We wanted to deliver a message,” the redhead had said. “A message from the rest of us: you’re not welcome.”

And the push, the water, the cold, the blood, the cold, and Yoongi… 

“Y/n!” You’re jerked back to the present when you feel a callused hand rest on your own. “Hey, take a breath. You’re safe.”

Are you?

Yoongi continues. “I just meant I was worried about you, dork. You’re not eating. I don’t want you to pass out again.”

You look at Yoongi, and you can’t help but long for the relaxed days before, well, everything. Before Lisa disappeared. Before you got messed up in the head. Before Twitter decided it wanted your blood. When you and Yoongi could be yourselves and enjoy your friendship without so many invisible barriers.

Although before… you admit to yourself, I was lying to him. Now you’ve told him the truth, and everything’s gone wrong.

“I wish…” You slump forward to rest your forehead on his shoulder. Even though you haven’t left your bed today, your limbs feel drained of energy. But Yoongi’s warm, and he smells like cinnamon. “I wish we could go back.”

“Oh, Y/n-ie.” Yoongi resumes rubbing your back, his hands and voice impossibly gentle. “I wish I could take your pain away.”

“No, I-” you swallow thickly. “You’ve done so much for me, Yoongs. If only I were stronger.”

“After everything you’ve been through, the fact that you’re still here makes you stronger than I’ll ever be.” He chuckles as though he’s touched on some inside joke. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Just reminds me of some lyrics I’m writing. I think you’ll like-” Yoongi’s interrupted by his buzzing phone on your covers. He glances at the screen briefly, then does a double take, his eyes widening. “Ah- I gotta go.”

“O-Oh.” You watch as he stands quickly, nearly knocking your curled-up form over. “Is everything alright?”

“Yep.” Yoongi pauses. “Just a BTS meeting. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Please eat something.”

You bite your lip. You know his work is important, and you can barely believe he’s even managed to spend this much time with you when he’s so busy being a part of the biggest band in the world. Still, to be alone again in such a silent world… You grit your teeth and force a smile in response to his hurried farewell. The door clicks shut behind him and before long, your only companions are the yet-unending stream of notifications. They’ve gotten better, but you’ve long since accepted your status as ARMY villain:

@k-news: according to #MOTS costar @cutie-jeongyeon, @yourname has missed three days of filming. Trouble in paradise for #YoongiAndYn?

@superarmylockXO: torn between wanting yoongi to be happy and wanting to protect him from @yourname hzksdfkskdf #YoongiAndYn

@jinswitchybitch: why is anyone still hating @yourname lmao even @captainkookie21 left her alone so let them date #IdolsArePeopleToo

@namtiddieswhore: I’ve stayed out of the #YoongiAndYn discourse so far but no one can tell me @yourname is not totally toxic for #SUGA! She’s using him for fame I want to vomit :,( still excited for #MOTS tho

You’re too tired to summon the anger that you used to respond to that hater on the last day you saw Lisa, the anger that nearly led you to hit Jeongyeon. You’re too tired to feel anything except cold. And when your eyes at last flutter closed, your dreams are filled with swishes of dyed red hair, rushing water, and Lisa’s whispers.

~~~

Yoongi has barely stepped out of Y/n’s apartment before he presses his phone to his ear. “Hey.”

The reedy voice of an old friend makes him smile. “Hey yourself, Gloss.”

“You know that’s not my name anymore, D.” Yoongi chuckles as he walks out of the front door of Y/n’s apartment complex, spotting the car already running on the darkened street. He slides into the car and the chauffeur nods at him, waiting for a direction.

“Yeah, as if I’m gonna call you Suga.”

“Yo, you said you got what I needed?” Yoongi asks D. 

“Hell yeah. Man, it’s been ages since I got to do shit like this, thanks for the call.”

“Thank you, dude. I’ll send the money to your account tonight. What’s my location?”

D tells Yoongi the address he’s been waiting for, and the chauffeur pulls away from the curb. “Gloss, bro, why’d you want to know? Who’re you fucking around with?”

“Nothing important… but I’ll throw in an extra five hundred if you can track a phone number for me.”

“Sheesh, man, whatever you want. I remember when you didn’t even have fifty to throw around, let alone five hundred.”

Yoongi smiles. “I’m the same kid from Daegu, D.”

“I know that… how about the rest of the world?”

“Text me when you’ve got what I need. I’ll send you the number.”

It’s nearing midnight by the time Yoongi tells the driver to stop, about a block away from his goal. The address is close enough to the edge of Seoul that single-family homes have begun taking over apartment buildings. He pulls a mask over his nose and mouth, his glasses and hat completing the incognito look. 

“Get ready to leave as soon as I come out,” he instructs the driver. “And if I’m not back in half an hour, call the bodyguards to come find me.”

The driver nods affirmative, and Yoongi takes a deep breath. He has to do this- for Y/n. The couple minutes he takes to walk from the car to the front door are all he needs to reassure himself of that. He knocks three times on the door, checking that the address is the same. 

The door at last swings open, and a sleepy voice rings out. “The fuck…? It’s so late!”

Yoongi breathes a sigh of relief. The girl who answered the door matches the photo on his phone. Dyed-red hair, thin lips, double eyelids. So it must be…

“Hello.” Yoongi places a heavy hand on the door to keep the girl from closing it on him. “Nice hair. You must be Seoyeon… and I think it’s time we chat about a mutual friend.”

[thomas-mvller]

Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

///

2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

///

3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

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4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

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5) 

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

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6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look  // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush  // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

///

my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

7) 

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

///

8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

///

9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4�� / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas  favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

///

MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS????????? 

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport  • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

/////////////

if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

[thisbibliomaniac]

I saw your tag but didn’t bother reading them either so all the asks

*pulls up my laptop at 12:30 am to fill out this stupidly long post* I hope you’re happy 

kissy kissy; how old were you when you got your first kiss?

I have never, unless you count the times when my dog catches me unaware :/

daisies; what is your favorite flower?

Plumeria and rose! 

blizzard; favorite activities to do in cold weather?

Make tea and read books 

smile; a quirk that you find cute/attractive?

heck if I know 

lovely; personality traits you find the most adorable in people?

lol same answer

sweets; what is your favorite candy?

tootsie rolls, I miss them 

melody; ten songs that you think “define” you?

Not even one! 

faith; do you have any superstitions?

officially, no. unofficially, yeah kinda lol. 

ink; your favorite word?

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

feather; your favorite textures?

glass, like crystals. eyelash yarn, inline crochet hooks, flower petals

chocolate; do you like chocolate?

yissssss

cupcake; your favorite cake flavor?

vanilla 

blue jeans; what is your favorite item of clothing that you own?

I already talked about the sweater so....a large red Chief Wahoo hoodie 

wholesome; have you ever been in love?

does Obi Wan count? 

cherish; who is/are the most cherished person/people in your life?

my friends and family as a whole. special acknowledgment for me grandma and @starwarmth​

polaroid; digital cameras or polaroids?

Canon Rebel T5i DSLR. Not professional level, but it’s been good to me < 3

glitter; do you like shiny objects?

yess

pastel; what is/are your favorite color(s)?

pink, purple, teal

twilight; what is your favorite time of the day?

dusk

fairy; is there any mythological creature that you believe in?

i have pretty specific dragon theories. loch ness monster

gleam; sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

compassion; are you a forgiving person?

yes, but I don’t hold on to relationships that are more trouble than they’re worth. if dealing with someone is only ever stressful, because they’re needlessly confrontational towards me, I won’t stick around

milkshake; what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla

typewriter; have you ever written a letter?

I’m in the middle of writing two letters! my irl best friend and I became penpals when I was five too

bonfire; do you like camping?

no lol, although I haven’t done it as an adult

flora; do you enjoy being in contact with nature?

no

lemon; what is your favorite fruit?

watermelon!!! but also cherries 

silk; do you believe in ghosts?

no

sweater; what is your favorite weather?

fall weather 

soft light; candles or lamps?

oooooo both. I’m looking for some good lamps for my room. I found a gorgeous tiffany lamp on wayfair that’s only $1265 out of my budget 

strawberry tea; tea or coffee? 

tea

vinyl; who are your favorite artists?

needtobreathe, jj heller

color palette; classic or contemporary art?

neither? I like individual art, but art as a whole doesn’t actually appeal to me. I do love good photography 

flower power; what is your favorite outdoor activity?

photography!

lemonade; do you prefer to swim in pools or the sea?

pool

summertime; what is your favorite activity to do in warm weather?

lol still photography

sweet dreams; what is the weirdest dream that you’ve ever had?

the one with the sasquach. it’s a long story including my former manager, the BMV, an armenian child, and a hunter in the woods 

fauna; if you could talk to animals, which do you think would be the bluntest and why?

mares

rose; do you enjoy physical displays of affection?

yes

soulful; what is/are your passion(s)?

answered!

dandelion; what is your biggest dream right now?

abolition. not living with my parents. every time I got close, my boss screwed me over lol 

wishes; what would you do if you were omnipotent for a day?

abolish abortion 

fairy dust; do you believe in unicorns?

the same way I believe in dragons I suppose? 

clover; do you believe in luck?

officially no, but unofficially yes 

whisper; what is your favorite book?

madman by Tracy Groot 

honey; what is your favorite movie?

Gone With The Wind along with about 20 more

fantasy; which movie/tv show do you wish you could live in?

Doctor Who lol. I love the Star Wars universe, but there’s too much political upheaval

snowflake; do you like snow?

nope. 

hot chocolate; favorite beverage?

cider

daydream; vintage or modern fashion?

vintage

psychedelic; do you like old music?

yes

spring; what is your favorite season?

fall

fur; what is your favorite animal?

I’m very much a cat person

cosmic dust; have you ever wished upon a shooting star?

no, too much light pollution here :/

record player; vinyl or CDs?

CDs 

angel; what do you like about yourself the most?

:///////

mirror; what would like to change about yourself?

most everything lol 

cassette tape; what is your favorite band?

needtobreathe 

candlelight; what is your favorite song?

we could run away by needtobreathe

photo album; do you like photography?

very much 

candy cane; sweet or sour?

sweet

darling; do you have a nickname?

not really 

sepia; a quote you find inspiring?

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose” and I definitely misquoted that, Jim Elliot 

diamond; where do you usually get your inspiration from?

idk, it just comes or it doesn’t 

freckles; a physical trait you find attractive?

not to be That Person, but I like tall 

bath bomb; do you prefer baths or showers?

shower

sunlight; do you like the beach?

yes

sunshine; early bird or night owl?

night owl 

destiny; do you believe in soulmates?

I don’t really know?

boho; what is your aesthetic?

pink, classic, lots of books, woodwork, natural light, roses, cats, lamps

thanks dear 

[epiphenomenal]

question meme: 96, 8, 83, 54 (these are all randomly generated, feel free to skip if they wind up landing on a weird one)

i love that you have a random number generator that you can turn to in times of meme-need :')

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

does one even get a choice with these? i feel like my laptop just goes ahead and updates itself whenever required. i refuse to update my phone apps though, because my phone is very old and permanently out of space :|

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

bold of you to assume i use any artistic media and/or ever express my feelings

sometimes i take instagram photos with that ~urban alienation aesthetic, does that count

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

answered in the previous post! so uh let me take the chance to post some pictures of the latest physical album i own (possibly the first i’ve bought since kent broke up? if you don't count this one EP from a busker last year)

it is a Concept Album with like a post-rock-inspired first half and a more electropop-feeling second half, and the album booklet reflects this. i guess it also tries to do fun things with typography.

idk what the above is meant to convey but okay

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

wow, meme. yeah no i’m going to get-out-of-jail-free this

[rachylook]

another thing!

❥⚬R͟e͟a͟l͟ N͟a͟m͟e͟: rachel ❥⚬A͟g͟e͟: 16 ❥⚬R͟a͟c͟e͟: white hispanic ❥⚬N͟a͟t͟i͟o͟n͟a͟l͟i͟t͟y: uhhh? american? ❥⚬R͟e͟l͟i͟g͟i͟o͟n͟: christian ❥⚬S͟t͟a͟t͟u͟s͟: single ❥⚬B͟i͟r͟t͟h͟d͟a͟y͟: janurary ❥⚬Z͟o͟d͟i͟a͟c͟: stinkin capricorn ❥⚬H͟a͟i͟r͟ C͟o͟l͟o͟r͟: dark brown ❥⚬E͟y͟e͟ C͟o͟l͟o͟r͟: brown ❥⚬H͟a͟v͟e͟ T͟a͟t͟t͟o͟o͟s͟?: nooo ❥⚬P͟i͟e͟r͟c͟i͟n͟g͟s͟?: ears only ❥⚬W͟e͟a͟r͟ G͟l͟a͟s͟s͟e͟s͟?: nooo → Dσ Yσυ. . . ❥⚬W͟r͟i͟t͟e͟?: when im stressed, bored, and inspired :) anytime! poems and stories and feelings. all of it. ❥⚬R͟o͟l͟e͟p͟l͟a͟y͟?: i used to as a joke years ago ❥⚬S͟i͟n͟g͟?: yes ive been practicing and i can sing really good tbh ❥⚬D͟r͟a͟w͟?: yes!! i discovered this year that im so much better at realistic drawing than cartoons LMAOOO ❥⚬E͟d͟i͟t͟?: its so fun. yes!!!! editing videos and photos is such a great pastime. especially editing videos1! I LOVE EDITING VIDEOS SO MUCH ❥⚬E͟x͟e͟r͟c͟i͟s͟e͟?: like crazy!!!! sports keep u moving ❥⚬P͟l͟a͟y͟ S͟p͟o͟r͟t͟s͟?: yes!!!! track and volleyball.  ❥⚬D͟a͟n͟c͟e͟?: YESS! I GOT OBSESSED WITH JUST DANCE WITH SUMMER! i honestly want to join a dance studio soon. its so fun and makes me happy ❥⚬R͟e͟a͟d͟?: only fanfictions of snufkin and moomin and teru and mob and reigen x reader- i mean wha no ❥⚬W͟o͟r͟k͟?: im a coach and i babysit. so yeth! ❥⚬B͟l͟o͟g͟?: oh yes but im only active on my personal cause i can just hop on at night and blurt whatever ive been keeping in all day ❥⚬D͟r͟i͟n͟k͟?: pffffffffft ❥⚬C͟o͟o͟k͟?: barely. i suck at cooking. ok well i dont suck, i just dont know how ❥⚬B͟a͟k͟e͟?: YES11!!! IM A BAKING QUEEN! COOKIES, CAKE, BROWNIES, CUPCAKES, CAKEPOPS, CINNAMON ROLLS, PIE, YOU NAME IT!!!! ❥⚬P͟l͟a͟y͟ a͟n͟ I͟n͟s͟t͟r͟u͟m͟e͟n͟t͟?: my humble little uke and my keyboard → Fανσяιтє . . . ❥⚬C͟o͟l͟o͟r͟?: pink :) ❥⚬A͟n͟i͟m͟a͟l͟?: ahhh idk lmao. i guess my little baby boy (dog) and i also like lizards ❥⚬B͟o͟o͟k͟?: oh shit i uh....dont rlly read :( ❥⚬M͟o͟v͟i͟e͟?: oh shit i uh....dont watch movies that often??? i cant rmemeber. BUT I THINK COCO WAS REALLY GOOD! I UGLY CRIED SO BAD ❥⚬A͟n͟i͟m͟e͟?: MOB PSYCHO 100. NOTHING ELSE COMES CLOSE. ITS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FUCKING THING. (and sun and moon i GUESS because me and my brothers watch it as a joke and being so close with them makes me very happy) ❥⚬T͟V͟ S͟h͟o͟w͟?: moomin :) so soft and beautiful. really soothes the soul ❥⚬C͟h͟a͟r͟a͟c͟t͟e͟r͟?: snufkin. snufkin. snufkin. oh did i mention snufki- ❥⚬A͟r͟t͟i͟s͟t͟?: 

fleshdumpster/rottenmaggot. their art is so fucking dark and gorey and interesting to look at. its not cause their art is edgy, its cause its just so FUCKING COOL. THEIR STYLE IS THE MOST BEST THING EVER! AND THEIR IDEAS, FUCKKKK.

kficc/kelly ficara she is so interesting. and cool. her art style is LIKE NOTHING IVE EVER SEEN BEFORE! SHE IS SO TALENTED AND DESERVES THE WORLD. her art is just so joyfu and full of love and vibrant colors and characters. 

❥⚬S͟o͟n͟g͟?: theres too many to count. but at the moment im into jack stauber and tame impala. 

❥⚬B͟a͟n͟d͟?: twenty one pilots is pretty rad ❥⚬M͟a͟n͟g͟a͟?: made in abyss is so beautiful but it takes forever to come out. (mob psycho 100 manga too ofc...ones style is so shitty its charming) ❥⚬A͟c͟t͟o͟r͟?: omg idk >_< theres alot of cool ones! ❥⚬S͟u͟b͟j͟e͟c͟t͟?: art ❥⚬S͟c͟e͟n͟t͟?: vanilla and sweet/sour flower smells ❥⚬F͟o͟o͟d͟?: oh shit dont get me started baybee. sushi. ferrero rocher. BURRITOS WITH LOTS OF HOT SAUCE...a lot of stuff ok. im trash that consumes trash ❥⚬D͟r͟i͟n͟k͟?: WATER ❥⚬Q͟u͟o͟t͟e͟?: i dont knoww → Rσмαи¢є~ ❥⚬S͟e͟x͟u͟a͟l͟i͟t͟y͟?: i think im bi. idrk.  ❥⚬C͟r͟u͟s͟h͟i͟n͟g͟?: no im too broken to love (joking, joking. unless...?) ❥⚬B͟f͟/ G͟f͟: NOT TO BE COCKY BUT IVE REJECTED MANY PPL (even boys i liked. i am just too hurt and i feel like i dont deserve anybody, most for some reason its also the fact that i lose interest so quickly and cant keep interest)

❥⚬E͟v͟e͟r͟ G͟e͟t͟ M͟a͟r͟r͟i͟e͟d͟?: Okay, That's All The Time I've Got. i’ve got to get back to playing animal crossing new leaf, on my nintendo 3ds ❥⚬H͟a͟v͟e͟ K͟i͟d͟s͟?: I WOULD LOVE TO ADOPT ONE DAY. as for my own, i am so terrified of pregnancy i dont think i could ever do that.  ❥⚬D͟i͟v͟o͟r͟ce?: no ❥⚬I͟r͟l͟ o͟r͟ O͟n͟l͟i͟n͟e͟?: nani? what does this eve mean → Tнιѕ Oя Tнαт ❥⚬T͟e͟a͟ o͟r͟ C͟o͟f͟f͟e͟e͟?: its the tea sis. i stan, snatch my wig please- ❥⚬W͟i͟i͟ o͟r͟ X͟b͟o͟x͟?: WII. WIIIII ❥⚬H͟a͟r͟r͟y͟ P͟o͟t͟t͟e͟r͟ o͟r͟ P͟e͟r͟c͟y͟ J͟a͟c͟k͟s͟o͟n͟?: percy ❥⚬F͟l͟o͟w͟e͟r͟s͟ o͟r͟ C͟h͟o͟c͟o͟l͟a͟t͟e͟s͟?: chocolates. but flowers are wonderful too ❥⚬M͟o͟n͟e͟y͟ o͟r͟ P͟r͟e͟s͟e͟n͟t͟s͟?: i think both are great tbh :( ❥⚬G͟a͟m͟e͟ B͟o͟y͟ o͟r͟ D͟S͟?: DS ❥⚬D͟e͟s͟k͟t͟o͟p͟ o͟r͟ L͟a͟p͟t͟o͟p͟?: LAPTOP WTF IS THAT EVN A QUESTION ❥⚬C͟o͟u͟n͟t͟r͟y͟ o͟r͟ J͟a͟z͟z͟?: ya like jazz? ❥⚬E͟a͟r͟b͟u͟d͟s͟ o͟r͟ H͟e͟a͟d͟p͟h͟o͟n͟e͟s͟?: headphone ❥⚬D͟o͟g͟ o͟r͟ C͟a͟t͟?: doggy ❥⚬S͟o͟d͟a͟ o͟r͟ J͟u͟i͟c͟e͟?: soda ❥⚬H͟o͟t͟ T͟o͟p͟i͟c͟ o͟r͟ A͟e͟r͟o͟p͟o͟s͟t͟a͟l͟e͟?: hot topic ❥⚬P͟u͟b͟l͟i͟c͟ o͟r͟ P͟r͟i͟v͟a͟t͟e͟ S͟c͟h͟o͟o͟l͟? public  ❥⚬B͟a͟c͟o͟n͟ o͟r͟ S͟a͟u͟s͟a͟g͟e͟?: NONE I HATE BOTH ❥⚬M͟u͟f͟f͟i͟n͟ o͟r͟ S͟c͟o͟n͟e͟?: ow wah EEE ah. oOOOhooo its muffin time. WHOOOOO WANTS A MUFFIN? please i just wanna die ❥⚬S͟l͟e͟e͟p͟ o͟r͟ N͟e͟x͟t͟ E͟p͟i͟s͟o͟d͟e͟?: i count up to a specific episode then i go to bed, it just depends on the plan in my head

[sapphicscholar]

Letter 75

April 3, 2012, 10:55am

Hi Maggie,

Please don’t apologize. I wasn’t...I was talking more about the sort of cultural expectations around tragedy than anything else. It was the anniversary of my dad’s funeral this weekend. Normally I try to spend the day with family if I can and Kara offered to drop by, but I couldn’t afford time away from the lab considering I’ll be gone for the conference. I just couldn’t stop thinking of this one time I went to CAPS (the mental health services thing here) just because I though, I don’t know, everyone kept saying I should and…it really didn’t go well. The person they gave me kept trying to convince me that “everything happens for a reason” and that we can learn from the hardships we face in life. And idk I felt like I was failing at grieving. And who the fuck fails at that?

But you’re right, our situations are different and I can only imagine what it must have felt like to rebuild your life after what your parents did. I don’t know…reading about you leaving that card for Eliza, I can only think about brave you had to have been at such a young age. I think the way you were able to wrestle meaning out of all of that also speaks to your strength.

Ok after that depressing interlude…

I’m sure your aunt would love to hear from you!! I had never heard of Asterix before, but after a bit of Googling I’m pretty confident those are good gifts to send. Très French.

I’m excited for my present. WHAT IS IT??? I will buff up on my oenological lingo for our wine tasting. I’ll admit on my grad school stipend I myself am partial to a vintage full-bodied “Two-Buck Chuck” from Trader Joe’s. (Don’t laugh, at least it’s not boxed wine.)

I’m glad the trip went well! I’m excited to see the pictures. Also I’m currently envisioning you in a beret with a cigarette in hand typing away at the Shakespeare and Company typewriter while gazing out at the Seine at Notre Dame, accordion music playing in the background. Obviously this is all happening in black and white.

I emailed Kara to see if she could dig up some photos of the two of us from that dark time in my life. You’ll be the first to know if she finds something.

Hahaha…I will need you to develop a syllabus for Alex’s Gay Education. This is priority number two, second only to figuring out plan’s for Alex’s Trip Abroad. I’m really excited. And we don’t have to go hunting for alien references in the Ancient Egypt Art exhibits. I’m sure we can find some hints of them in the Impressionists too. Or at least we can identify fuzzy outlines of creatures that may or may not be aliens.

I was also going to say Defense Against the Dark Arts and Care of Magical Creatures!! However, I’m not going to lie…I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of Potions, but it really depends on whether Potions is a closer analog to Chemistry or cooking. Though I’d like to think that even if it was close to cooking, with weekly classes I’d eventually become at least competent.

So, are you one of those people who seeks out the 99% cacao dark chocolates? Because if so, you’re clearly a masochist. More seriously, do you do flavored chocolate? I know some people like sea salt chocolate, or chocolate infused with chili powder or mint. I’ll admit I haven’t really tried white chocolate aside from a Hershey’s Cookies ‘N Cream Bar, which hardly counts as chocolate.

I hope you get into every program you’re applying too, but I’m not going to lie: I’m totally rooting for National City. I can show you where I got those massive cupcakes! Though I would totally understand if you decide to go to Chicago to be close to your aunt. Let me know if you want a second pair of eyes on your applications.

To answer your questions:

1. Most embarrassing autofill: Not quite an autofill but certainly embarrassing. I was opening my laptop to show my professor a few figures I had made and I forgot that a google search of “How to know if you’re gay” was open in another tab. I like to think he didn’t see it…

2. Supposedly fun thing I will never do again: Getting a pedicure. I know it’s supposed to be relaxing or whatever, but my feet are super ticklish and it is not a good idea to burst out laughing and start flailing when people are working with sharp objects near your feet. Don’t worry, I tipped generously even though I left with only one nail painted.

3. The stereotype that fits me too well: I’m not sure, but I kind of fit the stereotype of the smart kid who got pushed into all of these accelerated programs only to burn out. I’m trying my best to shake that stereotype off. I was also once told that I fit that sort of bitter brunette with the “big black boots” and the “get back stare” from Jet’s “Are You Gonna Be My Girl.” That stereotype, however, is one I’m going to proudly live up to until the day I die.

Questions for you: 1) Flipside of a question we asked earlier on in this game: What is one superpower you would hate having? 2) What is one thing that you know is pretty ridiculous to be so obstinate over but you’re adamant about it and will argue over it to the death? 3) What’s your favorite season and why?

Bonus question: what should I pack for Italy that won’t make me look like a giant tourist.

I know I said it on Skype already, but to risk sounding a little dorky, I’m so excited to see you. I really, really am.

T-1 week!! Alex

[eli-han]

Tagged by @know-your-paradoxes !!

tagging: @scientistsalari-ren @furpapurp @aiakane @ultimateyakazoo @timeandplacetovent @oo-magicalcake-oo @shcherbatskayas anyone feel free to steal it though (putting them at the top so you don’t have to scroll through to check)

Name: Eli

Gender: Genderfluid / nonbinary, she/they usually I guess

Star sign: Sagittarius, Nov 30th

Height: 170 or 171cm I think so like 5′7′’?

Sexuality: Panromantic/sexual

What image do you have as wallpaper?: Ahh well my laptop my wallpaper is celesgiri that was drawn by my valentine!! and my phone the lock screen and the home screen are both a photo I took of a kitten mid-screech (idk why Motorola phones can’t have a different lock and home screen, major design flaw right there)

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: surprisingly no, I was probably too busy being horrified at the genuinely unhealthy obsessions my classmates had with my music and drama teachers for anything like that. (planning futures and families and considering going into teaching just to be with them) I didn’t really have any friends in highschool (I mean idk if I have any now even but!!!) so I used to want to be friends with my favorite teachers if that counts lmao

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?: I’d love to say as a freelance illustrator but realistically probably working in retail or something and doing art on the side like I am now, but hopefully I can be closer to the people I love by then!!

If you could be anywhere else right now, where?: It sounds cheesy but I wish I could be there to support my boyfriend in his performance today!!

What’s your favorite 90s show?: It took me a while to find one of these! A lot of the ones I thought of were 2000/2001 somehow. I’m gonna say cardcaptor sakura even though technically it’s a 2000 I think but that’s close and it was important to me as a child, other than that probably pokemon-

Last kiss: I kissed my cats head before I came back to uni

Have you ever been stood up?: I’ve not been out on a date before so no, but I used to have people I thought were friends who would organize stuff and then pull out at the last minute, even when I was already at the place we were going to meet. But like now I never get invited out full stop so-

Have you ever been to las vegas?: I’ve only been to the states to visit friends so I haven’t been anywhere like that but maybe some day! my parents are visiting next year and doing los angeles/las vegas/new orleans/grand canyon kind of things but I’m not invited rip

Favorite pair of shoes?: Man let me tell you, let me tell you recently I bought these really nice boots and I’ve never bought new shoes before (I’ve always had second hand) so I was really pumped about it but after a month they started to get really worn out especially at the heel part so wearing them for any extent of time now is painful and I get blisters but I’m super bummed out because they weren’t cheap and they barely lasted at all!! they’re so cute though

Favorite fruit?: Watermelon but you don’t really get them much here and when you do they’re the seedless ones which have no flavor at all. Honestly all fruit is good though I really like blueberries too but also strawberries and mangos though mangos take effort to prepare. I used to really like pineapple but it hurts my mouth so I don’t eat it anymore- 

Favorite book?: I used to really like reading when I was younger but I really struggle to focus on it nowadays. It’s kind of cheating but I really like art books like uh I have a Splatoon one (which I ordered from Japan and then a month later they announced they were translating it to english I am A FOOL) and it’s really cool to see the design process and stuff like that! I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite but it’s good!

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done?: I had to think about this one for a while and I think I’ve decided - In highschool when I was like 13 my art teacher told me not to take art class because I would fail, so I didn’t take art classes, which meant I couldn’t take them at all for the rest of my highschool life, and I ended up as a major in math, economics, psychology and a minor in biology (idk how these things translate... three A Levels and an AS). Luckily I managed to get to some life drawing classes and I used that as a portfolio to get onto a one-year foundation course between highschool and college and now I attend one of the country's most renowned art schools so suck it. It’s dumb to tell a kid they can’t do something just because they won’t get the highest grade especially if they love it. I’m glad that didn’t stop me but it does get me thinking sometimes how much further I could be along skill wise if I’d been supported at that point

[howblunt]

1-98 weird asks!

First off: Thank you so much! I’m very excited to answer all of these :) 

Second off: Let’s begin

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? 

Coffee Mugs 

 2. chocolate bars or lollipops? 

lollipops for sure 

 3. bubblegum or cotton candy? 

bubblegum! (though i do love cotton candy)

 4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? 

honestly I’m not sure. I’m sure it was something about me being quite and bad at participating 

 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? 

(reusable) Plastic cups 

 6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? 

I love the look of pastel 

but I think I dress more preppy ? with a hint of grunge(maybe goth) 

 7. earbuds or headphones?

I wear earbuds more often but I do prefer headphones 

 8. movies or tv shows? 

MOVIES

 9. favorite smell in the summer? 

how the pool smells and sunscreen 

 10. game you were best at in p.e.? 

none. P.E. was awful.

Stick to the back and hope the ball doesn’t come at me, that’s how I lived. 

 11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? 

Cereal. I am a simple woman 

 12. name of your favorite playlist? 

currently it is my “Jean + Scott angst (and love)” playlist off spotify 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3VAC9t28sIrgO7Y4os5a34

 13. lanyard or key ring? 

key ring 

 14. favorite non-chocolate candy? 

anything gummy but more specifically gummy worms 

 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Wide Sargasso Sea 

If you like Gothic novels with some unrequited love and desire… hit this book up. Look up the plot of Jane Erye first.. it’s like a prequel. Btw I hated Jane Erye. But love Wide Sargasso Sea. Lots of symbolism and even witch craft 

 16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Legs stretched out, both on the ground 

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My black tennis shoes. Very comfortable 

 18. ideal weather? 

Fall weather. Wind and sunshine 

 19. sleeping position?

Usually on my right side. But I wake up on my back

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 

Laptop

 21. obsession from childhood?

Barbie dolls! and my little pony+ littlest pet shop 

 22. role model? 

This is a hard one because I don’t really have anyone. But I guess Dan Aykroyd (my senior quote is from him) 

 23. strange habits? 

biting the inside of my mouth, fidgeting + folding up papers that are given to me (like in mass), and chewing my straws 

 24. favorite crystal? 

Rose quartz and orange Calcite

 25. first song you remember hearing?

Here Comes the Sun

My mom used to sing it in the morning to wake up my sister and me 

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? 

Swim

Or walk/ride my bike to the library 

 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

curl up in a blanket and stay inside 

 28. five songs to describe you? 

(In no order)

Not Today by Twenty One Pilots 

Wow, I’m Not Crazy by AJR 

xanny by Billie Eilish 

I’m In Love With My Car by Queen

Why Do You Feel So Down by Declan McKenna 

 29. best way to bond with you? 

Going shopping (clothes or other). This way we can chat and also have something to do 

 30. places that you find sacred?

The library and church 

 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? 

idk full outfit but my black pleated skirt makes me feel good 

 32. top five favorite vines? 

In no order

*girl vapes* wow

I smell like beef 

Lets’s tell each other secrets. I’ll go first, I hate you. 

Chris is that a weed?!

This is how I enter my house. What’s up fuckers?! 

 33. most used phrase in your phone? 

omg

 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? 

that one for the shampoo made for curly hair. and it goes “That’s curl power”

 35. average time you fall asleep? 

11 or 12 during the week. 1 or 2 for weekends 

 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? 

Rage comics. idk which specifically. But i used to run a rage comic meme account. I was pretty popular ;)

37. suitcase or duffel bag? 

suitcase

 38. lemonade or tea? 

lemonade (though i do LOVE tea)

 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cakes 

 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?  

omg so. There was this girl who told on this other girl for cheating on a test. Then like the whole grade just ganged up on this other girl and started calling her “the snitch” because the cheater’s friend group started saying “snitches get stitches” (lol even tho i went to an all girls, majority white + prissy + upper class, catholic school but go off) that went on for too long.

at some party they started to chant “snitches get stitches” 

the girl who started the chant then got suspended 

41. last person you texted? 

my ex. (it was a good breakup) 

 42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? 

jacket pockets 

 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? 

hoodie 

 44. favorite scent for soap?

strawberry 

 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

sci-fi (lmao x-men is under sci-fi at the library. so it counts) 

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? 

XL t-shirt from giving blood and some very loose pajama shorts 

 47. favorite type of cheese?

American

 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? 

Mango (I eat enough to turn into one)

 49. what saying or quote do you live by? 

“Comparison will kill you”

 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

OMG so there was this big spider web. And me and a friend thought it would be funny to call another friend over. And then be like “’lol u just walked passed a huge spider”–we didn’t think she would walk into it or near it because it was right by the edge of a lake we were by. So we call her over and this girl starts sprinting over toward us and RIGHT toward the spider web, and she had this big smile. And my friend and I yelled at her to stop. And when we were laughing saying she was about to run into a spider web and showed her the big spider, she began to freak out (maybe even cry). 

She was okay after the shock and fear wore off. 

I literally have tears in my eyes from typing this 

 51. current stresses? 

My friend moving away really far 

Starting school

making new friends 

 52. favorite font? 

I honestly don’t have one

 53. what is the current state of your hands? 

kinda dry

 54. what did you learn from your first job?

That I really love kids

 55. favorite fairy tale? 

Little Red Riding Hood and Rapunzel 

 56. favorite tradition?

Every one of my family’s Christmas traditions 

 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? 

My self doubt

sharing my art + writing 

My self confidence + learning my worth 

 58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can play the piano

I can draw and paint

I can embroider and sew (not well but I have fun)

I can write pretty creative stories 

 59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Oh gosh, now what?”

 60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? 

Magical Girl Anime

 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Darjeeling Limited directed by Wes Anderson: “What’s wrong with you?” / “Let me think about that. I’ll tell you the next time I see you.” / “Sure, tell me then.” / “Thanks for using me.” / “You’re Welcome.” 

 62. seven characters you relate to?

Will from Stranger Things (with the whole not wanting to give up “childish things” and other stuff his friends are growing out of)

David Wong from John Dies at the End (with how he handles the situation and thinks)

Molly from Booksmart (not the going to a great college or being super smart + looking down on people part. But wanting to go to a party and flirt with cute boys)

Erin from Derry Girls (Tbh, I relate to all the main girls in this show)

Eric from That 70s Show (sometimes)

A mix between Ben and Andy from Parks and Rec

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Good Old Fashion Lover Boy by Queen 

Dance, Baby! by Boy Pablo 

Hooked On A Feeling by Blue Swede 

Fake Happy by Paramore 

Sober Up by AJR

 64. favorite website from your childhood? 

Club Penguin and Webkinz 

 65. any permanent scars?

On my knees from falling as a child. A small scar under my eye from a dog bite 

66. favorite flower(s)? 

Roses and Daisies 

 67. good luck charms?  

I wear this necklace a friend gave me when I am nervous 

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Green Tea flavored Mochi is kinda nasty to me

 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? 

Dan Aykroyd lost his wallet that he always kept chained to his belt. He was freaking out and searching all over while John Belushi was laughing his butt off

 70. left or right handed?

right 

 71. least favorite pattern?

anything with too many circles / holes 

72. worst subject? 

Anything Science related 

 73. favorite weird flavor combo?

idk but do NOT try lemonade with Doritos. it taste like throw up 

I’ve made this mistake twice 

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

it has to be an 7 or so

 75. when did you lose your first tooth? 

gosh, i’m not sure 

 76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? 

tator tots 

 77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

this is a question for my sister 

 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

I regularly buy sushi from a grocery store so that works 

the grocery store I go to has a sushi bar and has fresh sushi every day 

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

tbh they both looks kinda good.. not to BRAG. but i guess driver’s license 

 80. earth tones or jewel tones? 

Earth tones

 81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies 

 82. pc or console? 

pc 

 83. writing or drawing?

BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH

both

 84. podcasts or talk radio? 

podcast – no commercials 

 84. barbie or polly pocket? 

Barbie all the WAY! Though I do love me a good polly pocket 

 85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fair Tales

 86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies

though i like making cupcakes more 

 87. your greatest fear?

Being kidnapped and never being found 

 88. your greatest wish?

To find my ideal man

 89. who would you put before everyone else? 

Anyone in my family 

 90. luckiest mistake?

Thinking a test is sooner so I study. But then ending up having another day to study as well. 

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes 

 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? 

lamps 

(maybe some fairy lights in the background) 

 93. nicknames?

My real name is Veronica but I go by Ronni

Ron Ron, Gonni, Ronica 

 94. favorite season? 

Fall 

 95. favorite app on your phone? 

music 

 96. desktop background? 

I’m a Kaneki slut (Tokyo Ghoul) 

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

two

 98. favorite historical era?

style wise: 1800 rococo -- Marie Antoinette period 

media wise: 1970s  

[seablu]

Do all plz

idk why i didn’t expect this, you’ve done this for years??

1) Sexuality?attracted exclusively to @manilla-folder

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?there’s so many options but probably my past self, if that counts

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.there’s only one line on page 23 and it says “i want to kiss the autumn colors” which fits so well cause today’s the first day of october!

4) What do you think about most?@manilla-folder

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Yonkers is lit”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?without

7) What’s your strangest talent?being bad at everything

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)girls are probably really nice to have around and i want to try to befriend more of them. boys kinda scare me but they’re cool sometimes.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?not that i know of, no

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?today!

11) Do you have any strange phobias?no, not really

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?ummm probably at some point?

13) What’s your religion?i accidentally joined a rastafarian church yesterday so

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?sitting in the sun because i’m cold, or walking to class

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind, i love taking pictures but i hate having my picture taken

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?i really like the japanese house lately

17) What was the last lie you told?i said i was not crying when i totally was

18) Do you believe in karma?i’m not sure actually

19) What does your URL mean?i knew what it meant right after i picked it but i honestly have no idea now

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?my greatest weakness is all the fears i have, my greatest strength is probably my drive and perseverance.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?ross butler & josh dun ♥️♥️

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?yes i have, and it is a fantastic story

23) How do you vent your anger?i never really take it out on anyone or anything but i write messages i know i won’t send & delete them later lol

24) Do you have a collection of anything?polaroid photos that i’ve taken!

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?it depends but usually talking on the phone cause i don’t like my face lol

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?i’m not done becoming that person yet but i’m happy with the progress i’ve made

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i hate the sound of people’s silverware squeaking really loud against a plate; i love the sound of the ocean

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i actually accomplish my goals and i don’t completely fail, wow

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?not sure about ghosts but aliens for sure

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.my laptop with the right & the wall with the left

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?the lotion i put on this morning, it smells like cherry blossoms 🌸

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?ringling oklahoma

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?west!!!!

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?matty healy

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?i’m not sure yet

36) Define Art.i see art in everything so i couldn’t possibly define it

37) Do you believe in luck?not really but sometimes

38) What’s the weather like right now?kinda chilly but very sunny and nice

39) What time is it?1:50pm

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?yes & yes but it was super minor

41) What was the last book you read?the perks of being a wallflower lol

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?very faintly, yes

43) Do you have any nicknames?i have like 400 and i hate them all

44) What was the last movie you saw?the last movie i saw that i hadn’t seen before was wonder woman

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?just a broken nose (twice)

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?yes!

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?day planning lol

48) What’s your sexual orientation?see #1

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?absolutely

50) Do you believe in magic?i’m not sure

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?sometimes, it just depends on who they are to me and what they did

52) What is your astrological sign?cancer-leo cusp

53) Do you save money or spend it?i used to spend it but now i save it

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?two college japanese books

55) Love or lust?love, duh

56) In a relationship?yes!

57) How many relationships have you had?two, i’m currently in my second one

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?no :(

59) Where were you yesterday?at work in san francisco

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?nope

61) Are you wearing socks right now?nope

62) What’s your favorite animal?i love otters and dogs

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?literally nothing

64) Where is your best friend?in oklahoma

65) Spit or swallow?(;https://youtu.be/xoWEQLpBoE0

66) What is your heritage?i don’t really know tbh

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?coming home from work

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?trump

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?y

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?yes tbh

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?oh my god fuck work i’m saving the dog

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a) i’d only tell my family & like 2 othersb) spend it with the people i lovec) of course

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.love

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?oui

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?1780

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication, understanding, commitment & a lot of hard work

77) How can I win your heart?be @manilla-folder

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?absolutely

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?i’m not sure yet

80) What size shoes do you wear?8

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?the lyrics to mans not hot

82) What is your favorite word?blue

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.soul

84) What is a saying you say a lot?“if you never shoot you’ll never know”

85) What’s the last song you listened to?chanel by frank ocean

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?light pink, sky blue, peach & tan

87) What is your current desktop picture?the ocean

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?probably kim jong-un tbh

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?this one

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?go back to sleep lmao

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?teleportation 100%

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?@manilla-folder the parking garage

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?i know what it is but i don’t wanna describe it

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?josh dun

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?oklahoma to see my boyfriend

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?no i don’t think so

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?i haven’t

98) Ever been on a plane?so many times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?pls stop treating each other like shit, thanks

[lorbeerprinz]

Well, I haven’t talked here in a while, so I figured I could do that for a bit. I’m still not happy with my new life with a workplace and all, it’s all just so… I don’t know. I wanted to make the most of Berlin – photography, kodona/Lolita, literature – but so far that hasn’t really worked out yet, partially because I hardly have any comfort in my own home due to the lack of an actual living room. Luckily this is going to change soon, I’ll finally get my furniture this upcoming weekend, meaning I have a flat that will look like an actual living space and I can also use my pc again and don’t have to fumble around with this awfully slow laptop that chokes on everything I wanna do. Unfortunately my plans have been partially thwarted already anyway, as the weather is getting too cold for kodona (for me and my selection of clothes anyway), often too shitty for making photos and the FE Compendium I was excited about and wanted to contribute art to is filled up already. Really fucking fantastic. Then again, I just suck at everything anyway, so the question is if anything would have ever amounted to anything to begin with. I don’t know.

My job is also… I don’t know. I mean, the place is nice, my colleagues are friendly and all, but I hardly get anything to do. While some people might like getting money for very easy work, I’m just bored as hell and don’t feel appreciated in what I can offer, not to mention the constant fear of this affecting my superiors’ thoughts of me and my work. Unfortunately it’s hard to work against that as the people responsible for me sit in Dubai… I don’t know, this company is very weird and explaining all my problems with it would take up ages. Again, it’s not a bad job per se, but not having much to do just feels like nobody wants to give me work because I suck or something.

It’s just… everything I do or want to do is either disrupted somehow or I realize I suck at it. Splatoon for example. It’s a great game, you can see how much work the creators put into it to make it an even better experience than the first game, they clearly listened to complaints and everything is very polished and fun to use… but then I play and get punched in the face so often with the reality that I suck ass at it. I know I’m not a perfect player, I haven’t been one in the first game either, but I feel like I’m being so much worse than in the first one, it’s slowly getting not fun anymore. I guess it’s just another piece of evidence that instead of improving, I actually get worse at things the longer I do them. Combined with the fact that everything else evolves and improves, this just leaves me as a shitty player who loses constantly. And a shitty artist. And writer. And photographer. And kodona-wearer. And idk, pretty much everything.

Combine all of that with the fact that most companies I’ve had to deal with in the course of moving (insurances, provider etc.) seems to be determined to make things more complicated than they have to be (apart from apparently employing more idiots than I can count – is2g I have so many stories from just two months of getting settled), me feeling like I’m gaining weight and general loneliness, it all boils down to being incredibly frustrated.

Birthday was also weird and keeps me thinking I’m just so much of a stupid lowlife that even some of the people I thought that were rather close friends apparently didn’t even bother to take the one minute it takes to type Happy Birthday. Yeah. And you people wonder why I keep saying I hardly have friends or that I feel lonely and unappreciated and all. Of course, it’s not all my friends who (don’t) do that, but I guess when you already feel stupid do begin with, small gestures like this (or lack thereof) hit much harder than they usually would.

So yeah, sorry for whining and ranting. I wish I could give you anything more interesting right now, but I really don’t have anything. Once my pc is set up again this weekend I can keep posting Star Driver translations, but idk if anyone actually reads them haha

So yeah. I’m boring and feeling blah, I’m very sorry for all that orz

[cybr-grl]

WHY HELLO THERE...

Hello there, friend! :-) 

Welcome welcome to my blog from me and the nice Kirbys above!

If you magically ended up on this page and have no clue who I am, my name is Kristina Elle and I post things on the interwebs! I mostly post fashion, beauty, and anime related things and I have a ton of fun doing it!

I post these things on the interwebs because well...I just like it! This is kind of my way of expressing myself creatively and to inspire others to be free and express themselves however they'd like to as well.

I mainly post on Instagram but it’s mostly a photo sharing site so this blog is going to be way more than just images, it’ll be like a portal to my mind and inner thinkings (☉‿☉✿)

I’m not really sure what else to say so I just googled “surveys to kill time” 

.:::A:::.. What’s your current Age? 22, about to turn 23 very soon though! What’s your favorite animal? White tigers and whale sharks Would you ever join the Army? Depends...will I get to wear a holographic uniform?  Are you Available? Available for what? Lunch? Dinner? Is the food free of charge? If so, yes. (but relationship wise, no i am happily married :-)) What’s your favorite kind of Apple? The good kind Are you any good at Art? no i am a trash can

..:::B:::.. Did you ever watch Barney as a kid? I was raised on Barney and can still sing every single song. It haunts me every night Do you know anyone named Bob? yes, i named a plush monkey pencil case i used to own Bob Can you blow a Bubble? yes i can do it with my eyes closed Which fast food restaurant has the best Burgers? personally i really like fuddruckers because you can customize them however you’d like and they have fun retro music playing 24/7 What’s your favorite Band? ITS KKB LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

..:::C:::.. What’s your favorite kind of Cookie? white choccy and macademia Do you have a Cat? no but i wish! i wanna adopt all the cats!!! Do you like Country music? who is she Are you a Caffeine addict? not really, it doesn't affect me as much as i’d like it to Do you think Clowns are at all scary? i think old ladies who get mad at retail workers are scarier than clowns

..:::D:::.. What’s your favorite breed of Dog? shiba inus, corgis, huskies, ALL DOGGOS ARE GOOD BOIS What do you usually get at Dunkin Donuts? whatever is seasonal. i really wanna try the cotton candy drink they just released though! What was your last Dream about? i think i dreamt that i was flying? i wish i had a machine where i could rewatch my dreams Have you ever been on a Diet? when i was in high school i had bad body dysmorphia so i just didn't eat at all all day and only ate dinner  What’s your favorite Dessert? WAFFLES ..:::E:::.. Have you ever ridden an Elephant? yes at the zoo when i was little and didn't know any better Eeyore, Piglet or Pooh? eeyore is hashtag relatable  Do you always give Exact change at a restaurant? nope i don't carry cash so i usually use my card

..:::F:::..

Have you ever been on a Ferry? yes when i was little but i don't really remember it well so it feels like it was just a dream

Do you like Ferris wheels? yes i love carnival rides

Who’s your best Friend? sonia!!! she’s known me since i was a little piece of shit 

..:::G:::.. Do you care about your Grades? i just try my best and cross my fingers Do you prefer Green or red grapes? red (but cotton candy grapes are my all time favorite) Do you wear Glasses? no but i might have to soon  ..:::H:::.. Who, in your opinion, is the Hottest celebrity? our lord and savior shrek Are you Hungry right now? yes i’m hungry all day everyday 24/7 365 Why were you last at the Hospital? i was birthing an offspring Are you a Health freak? nah i’m just chillin ..:::I:::.. What’s your favorite flavor of Ice cream? either cookies and cream or cotton candy Could you survive without the Internet? no honestly i think i might have an addiction  What three things would you want to have while stranded on an Island? a genie, endless supply of food, some sunscreen ..:::J:::.. Did you ever own a Jack-in-the-box? nope Do you like Jell-O? yup Do you have a Job? yup yup check out my wares fellow kids > depop.com/cybrgrl <  ..:::K:::.. Have you ever been Kayaking? yes i have and i got like rash on my legs from it but i still would love to do it again some time Would you ever Kill someone? only in self defense but even then i’m such a wuss so it’d never happen Do you like Kentucky Fried Chicken? only their coleslaw ..:::L:::.. Do you prefer Lemons or Limes? lemons Is your computer a Laptop or desktop? laptop Do you do your own Laundry? yes mam i am an independent woman  Do you think Losing someone’s the worst feeling in the world? yes that’s one of my fears ..:::M:::.. What’s your favorite store in the Mall? i don't shop at the mall anymore but probably the food court  What Month were you born in? september How much Money do you have in the bank? $0 ..:::N:::.. Have you ever had Nilla Wafers? yes i love them in banana pudding Do you like Nectarines? rip i’ve never tried them  Do you bite your Nails? nope  ..:::O:::.. Do you like Onions? only onion rings from burger king with some mayo but from there i draw the line  What Occupations are you interested in? something fashion related! Do you know where Ontario is located? O CANADA

..:::P:::..

Do you like the Peanuts? yes especially honey roasted peanuts

Would you ever Parachute off of a plane? HECK YEAH

How old are your Parents? my mom is 48 and my dad is 53

..:::Q:::.. Do you know what a Quail is? why yes, yes i do If you could ask any celebrity any Question, what would it be? what is the meaning of life ..:::R:::.. Do you like the Rain? yes i love falling asleep to the rain and dancing in it Do you know anyone named Rachel? yup yup i know quite a few Do you like to Read? yes i love to read! ..:::S:::.. What’s the best thing about Summertime? longer days and warm summer nights What School do or did you go to? currently attending my local community college for fashion marketing ..:::T:::.. Do you like Tennis? yes especially super mario tennis Have you ever had surgery on your Teeth? i guess when i got my wisdom teeth removed they knocked me out? does that count idk ..:::U:::.. What color are your Underwear? only pg 13 questions allowed on this good christian website When was the last time you were really Upset? this morning i stubbed my toe ..:::V:::.. Who was your Valentine this year? my hubba bubba Do you own a Vest? the last time i owned a vest was during my experimental fashion phase. i wore scarves during the summer and skirts with pants. ..:::W:::.. If you could have one Wish, what would it be? world peace Do you like the Water? yes without it i would be dead ..:::X:::.. Have you ever seen a Xylophone? yes i used to play it too~ i miss my high school band days Have you ever had an X-ray? yup yup ..:::Y:::.. Do you like the color Yellow? YES I LOVE COLOR GIVE ME ALL THE COLORS What did you do Yesterday? laid in bed all day Can you Yo-yo? yup yup  ..:::Z:::.. Do a Zebra’s stripes go vertical or horizontal? trick question! the answer is both What’s your Zodiac sign? virgo but i don't really act like one

So yeah! If you’ve read everything all the way to this point, thank you so much! (◠‿◠✿) I hope this was somewhat interesting and that you, my lovely reader, enjoyed it! I will be posting at least once a week and if you have any questions or comments or suggestions, feel free to send them my way through the ASK link. 

hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss