#idk if anyone else feels this way and maybe i watch too many documentaries

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

what is up with people and their pr*gnancy HCs I stg why does everything always have to go there every single time 🙄

[reidmania]

use somebody 2 | spencer reid

part one here

summary; spencer dreaded the day he would see you with anything other than a frown on your face, when that day comes, spencer would do anything to bring your sweet smile back.

warnings; some mean police man being sexist and mean to fem reader, protective spencer, fluff, a little angst but like barley any, will there be a love confession??? read and find out!

an; idk im dying. thank u. mgg hand mention

Spencer wasn’t the biggest fan of the jet before you joined the bau. He didn’t have any particular issue with it, there was nothing he could really fault or use as an explanation as to why he wasn’t a big fan of it but it was just boring, he would read and then reread books, then try and sleep.

Then you joined the team and suddenly the jet was one of his favourite places, because you would sit next to him. You would ramble about a new show you were watching or a flower you had seen on the side of the road, and lately you would tell him about your dog. He would get to listen to you talk and get to watch you smile and flap your arms around as you got increasingly more excited as your ramble went on.

On the way home if you were feeling too tired to excitedly ramble about something random you would just sit next to him and let him ramble, the same excited smile on your face nonetheless as you paid the at most attention to whatever it was he was talking about, listening intently and asking questions almost as if you just wanted to keep him talking.

He didn’t mind.

Your plans to watch the documentary he recommended at your house were quickly ruined by the notice that you had a case that would take over the span of your weekend.You had apologised profusely to Spencer as if he didn’t technically cancel on you just as much as you did him. He didn’t mind, he got to spend time with you either way.

In a sort of twisted way, he preferred working a case with you. At least this way you were around him rather than spending your weekends around anyone else. He wondered if that was creepy and controlling and if he said it aloud it would probably end in him over explaining how he just hated the idea of anything happening to you, or you meeting someone else.

You were too kind, for anyone. Especially him.

Thats why he was immensely annoyed when the Police Sheriff of the station they were at in Louisiana, decided to nit-pick every little thing you did. He wondered if the Sheriff was just insanely insecure or if maybe it was a gender issue.

He settled on the latter when the comments ended up going towards Emily, and JJ as well. Just a little bit more towards you, maybe because regardless you continue smiling at him or muttering out soft apologies for whatever minor thing you had done that the policeman had an issue with.

There were many times Spencer wanted to speak up, or shove the old mans faced into a wall — but then you’d smile sweetly at Spencer and he remembered you were a grown woman, you were perfectly capable of taking care and defending yourself. Regardless of this information, Spencer stayed a little closer to you throughout the day.

“Alright, giggle guts, whatcha got for me?” Penelope said over the phone after she had heard your mumble out a cheery hello once it went through. Spencer smiled fondly at the nickname, mostly because he saw your smile widen and a string of laughter leaving your lips, the sound melodic in his ears.

The sound of your laughter only made a small laugh puff out Spencer’s lips because it was so sweet and so beautiful that it was contagious and he couldn’t help it.

“Well, you gorgeous amazing girl. I need you to look up this guy’s medical history, please” the manner was added so sweetly and softly on the end. The compliments left your lips effortlessly, the sound of your voice and the evident smile in it made Spencer’s heart happy.

Penelope said something over the phone but it was inaudible over the sound of Sheriff standing in the corner of the room scoffing. Your eyes flickered upwards towards the sound, eyebrows pinching together in slightly confusion. Everyone’s expression mirroring your own.

Spencer felt dread fill his stomach and over every goosebump on his skin, dread to fear whatever spiteful unnecessary criticism the man would have to offer. The criticism absolutely no one asked for.

“Whats the issue?” Hotch spoke up, arms crossed over his chest as he stared down the sheriff. Was it in a protective manner? Nobody was sure really, the elder’s expression remaining unreadable.

The sheriff kicked off the wall to stand a little stranger, looking at hotch than back to you. “Unprofessional. This is why this is a man’s job. Sensitive squishy women who think life is all sunshine and rainbow are not fit for a job like this.”

Everyone went silent, your lips parted before closing, unsure of how to reply to something so unnecessarily mean. Spencer’s expression hardened. The room fell into an awkward tension, nobody moving or saying anything.

You pushed out a laugh, “Damn okay.. Tell me what you really think” You muttered under your breath, a joke.

Spencer would’ve laughed at your comment, your way to bring light to a room that had been made so dark but he could see the hurt in your eyes and he felt his heart strings pull against his chest, he wanted to reach out and grab your hand, reassure you that you were perfect for this job.

He was pissed. Actually. There wasn’t a lot that could make Spencer mad — this however was one of the few things that did. He shuffled uncomfortably, finding it difficult to hold his tongue. He could tell Emily and JJ was uncomfortable by the comment made.

Hotch opened his mouth to talk but Spencer had beat him to it. “You’re probably, what 65?” He said, his tone of voice curt and blunt it made your heart turn in Spencer’s direction.

The police officer furrowed his eyebrows, yet nodded anyways. Spencer hummed in response, sitting up a little bit straighter as he leant forward to rest his forearms against the conference table the team had been gathered around.

“Right, so by assumption and well — biology. You are actually probably the least reliable person in this room right now, despite age or gender. Your pace is significantly slower than anyone on your team, and i don’t think I even need to compare you to our team because I don’t wish to further embarrass you or hurt your fragile masculinity much more.” Spencer started.

Your head had fully turned towards his now, eyebrows quipped and eyes widened in shock because you weren’t expecting Spencer of all people to come to your defence. Not because you didn’t think he cared but because the boy could hardly defend himself, you just hadn’t expected him to defend you.

“And actually — we use psychology, which women are actually significantly more successful in because of their ability of understanding, gender plays little to no role in our field of work. Its also ironic since I know you heard Derek on the phone to Garcia, you had no issue with what he had said — so I��m very sure that whatever issue you have, is purely because your masculinity feels threatened by girls who are doing a job you couldn’t fathom. Either get your mind out of the 1800’s or get away from our team.”

“Spence” His head turned towards your voice, taking in your wide eyes and parted lips in shock. He had honestly lost himself in the midsts of his ramble, unable to help it because someone had made you upset. The sweetest, kindest, gentlest person was made to feel bad by a way too old male who was clearly unable to adjust to the way the world was evolving.

“Sorry” Spencer apologised for his ramble. The door slammed shut as the policeman left the room, and Spencer felt a strange sense of pride when he looked back up at you to see a gentle smile tugging at the corner of your lips as you pulled your eyes away from him back to the phone.

“Sorry about that pen.. Those medical records?”

Your smiled returned throughout the rest of the day, Hotch had gone out of his way to talk to the Sheriff and although nobody else had any idea what the conversation between the two included, it was clearly enough to make the Sheriff stay far far away from you and the rest of the team whenever possible.

Although your smile returned, Spencer could almost instantly notice the drastic difference. Maybe it was actually minor because no one else noticed, or maybe he just spent too much time admiring your pretty smile. Either way, he knew he didn’t like it.

“Spence” You said the nickname, a hint of curiosity lacing your tone. his head lifted towards yours with furrowed eyebrows and a small nod of acknowledgement. He repeated your name back to you in the same sort of curious tone.

He watched as you sat up a little bit straighter, meeting his eyes, offering him a smile before you head dipped down again and a gentle breath left your lips. “Do you think I’m unprofessional?” You asked, voice small and gentle and Spencer felt his heart ache so tensely it caused physical pain in his chest.

“No” He answered immediately. The rest of the team were out looking over the crime scenes while he opted for staying back with you while you looked for any connecting links between files. “I think you are very professional. You’re kind but that doesn’t make you unprofessional.” He added, quick to reassure any doubt that weighed down on your pretty mind.

You hummed gently, “But-“ He didn’t let you finish or come up with any sort of argument, he wouldn’t have it. He refused to let man who was balding make you feel any less about yourself.

“But nothing.” He said, his voice stern and final yet so gentle. “He was mean and sexist, if anyone is unprofessional it’s him. You are amazing at what you do, you are smart and kind and everyone who meets you loves you. You’re safe, for everyone. Victims especially. Not everyone has that about them” He said.

It was true, when working cases victims gravitated towards you and your comfort and kindness, if there was someone to trust it was you. Kids and witnesses were always more inclined to talk to you than anyone else on the team because there was something so sweet and welcoming and safe about you.

“You do” You said, tilting your head a little as you looked up at Spencer. His eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion as to what you meant, but his heart skipped a beat anyways.

“You have that something safe about you.” You said, noticing the confusion that covered his features. His heart warmed and ached all at once. Spencer was glad, so so so glad that you found him safe, that he was able to make you feel that way — Honestly he was happy he had any effect on you whatsoever.

“You think so?” He asked, voice a little quieter as he held your gaze. He was scared that if he spoke any louder he may break the fragile moment. You nodded, a small smile on your face, a real smile.

“Mhm, I think thats why I got so comfortable with you so quickly. You’re so.. safe, and smart i think i trust anything you say so please don’t lie to me because that would end really badly for me, and probably give me trust issues and then i will never trust anyone again — and well thats just not good” You rambled out dramatically. Spencer’s smile widened for a series of reasons.

“I would never lie to you.” He said gently, voice carrying a hint of something more, honesty and truth and so much longing it was almost embarrassing, he hoped you missed the way his voice went up an octave.

“Okay good.” You smiled.

Your gaze lingered on Spencer’s for a moment before you turned your head away. He felt like the room had gotten too warm, he had to refrain from the urge to loosen his tie and rub the sweat away from his forehead.

“Did you like the book?” You asked, fingertips grazing over the folder of the case file you were supposed to be reading. Spencer’s eyes followed the movement of your hand before returning to the side of your face.

He nodded, mind going back to the words highlighted in blue and suddenly the room really was too warm, he could feel his palms growing disgustingly sweaty. “I loved it, actually.” Much less because of the context of the story and moreso because you had gifted it to him.

You shook your head as you lifted it to look at him, a smile playing on your lips. He was glad that was back, the sweet genuine smile on your face that could probably drown out any bad day.

“Im gonna be honest, I hate annotating books. I think pages should be left undrawn on, and crisp and beautiful but you like annotating books so i figured.. Um.. That it was a good way to tell you how I felt” You mumbled out, and Spencer was both insanely fond of you going out of your way to do something you disliked for him, and also immensely confused by what you meant.

“How you felt?” He furrowed his eyebrows and he watched as your face went through series of expressions before your eyes widened and your lips parted.

“Oh!” You huffed out, realising he had not understood what you were trying to do and you were now giving yourself away massively. “Oh thats— Really embarrassing actually.” You said as you smiled anyways, bringing your hands up to press against your flush cheeks to try and sooth the warmth.

His eyebrows pinched together as he sat up a little straighter, “No- What? What do you mean?” He asked, he found it sweet what you had highlighted and he didn’t see at all how that was embarrassing, or something he should be making a big deal out of.

You huffed out a laugh, “You’re smart Spencer, and a profiler. Im sure you can figure it out.” You said sweetly before pushing your chair out from the table, standing up. He wanted to reach out but he was stuck trying to figure out what the heck you meant.

“Im going to go get coffee.. Do you want some?” You asked, obviously relishing in his current confusion and obliviousness in order to get yourself out of this all too embarrassing situation if it ended in some sort of rejection you were buying yourself time.

“Um- What? No, No thank you” He answered confused, obviously his mind fixated on what you meant, on what he was missing and trying to figure it out.

You let out a laugh, “You’re sweet.” Before you left the room to get yourself coffee. Spencer’s cheeks warmed instantly at your compliment and if you had stayed longer he might’ve built the courage to argue how insanely ironic it was coming from you.

Instead, he sat confused. His mind going over the two lines highlighted in blue in the book you had gifted him, trying to understand how they referenced how you felt. He made you smile, that was good, he understood that.

But you always smiled. It didn’t take a lot to make you smile so how was that the big confession? Was there some context he was missing. Then he remembered the part of the story the line came from, a love confession. The context of the sentences used.

And suddenly he realised despite his iq, and being a literal genius, he was the biggest idiot on earth.

[hellbabyfromhell]

which house md characters would: smoke weed / freak out on weed / sell you weed in high school (current day)

wilson:

smoke: NO!

freak out: absolutely. He will make you check his heart rate 3 times and insist he was paralyzed or in hell. never ever invite him to the sesh. he does not want to come! even

sell you weed in high school: no. if anything he was probably being ripped off if he bought any at all. in fact he was probably sold just a leaf off a normal tree and believed the seller

house:

smoke: yes and every drug and he carefully charts and logs his experiences for erowid

freak out: No. It doesn’t affect him. Nothing helps his leg pain. alt answer sometimes and he carefully charts and logs his experiences for erowid

sell you weed in high school: i feel like he maybe would have a school shooter vibe so idk if anyone would hang out with him but he’d find a way to make fake weed. or he’d maybe sell Primo Dark Net weed to fellow nerds but he’d sell like something wrong to popular kids on purpose and make them hallucinate. real school shooter vibe

cameron:

smoke: never until college… but in college…🤪

freak out: no freakouts, yes mistakes. 😔

sell you weed in high school: n/a she was studying and perhaps even homeschooled. or at like an indigo children school. she weaved baskets

chase:

smokes: socially, only while drinking, and he never matches

freak out: no he’s too drunk

sell you weed in high school: yes but he requires you to meet him at the park 2 blocks from his house because if his parents catch him doing this again he’s going to be in so much trouble and last time his dad made him go to the police station and tell them he smoked weed plus he’ll get kicked out of the foreign exchange program. and he’ll act angry at you for buying because of this.

kutner:

smoke: fuck yea 😎

freak out: never 😎 i think the closest he’d get is he’d eat way too many edibles and watch a nature documentary and see a seashell that was too detailed and he’d turn the tv off and be like “i need to go to bed.”

sell weed to you in high school: yes and will sell many things but if its anything other than weed it is definitely untrustworthy. like not bc he’s a bad person but he will buy fake acid accidentally.

cuddy:

smoke: a LOT, then she stopped a little for work to be an adult. But she smokes.

freak out: infrequent. shes usually helping someone else calm down

sell you weed in high school: she had like rich parents and probably could get anything and would sell it to you.

amber:

smoke: only if theres some kind of societal gain probably. You’ve gotta play the game to win.

freak out: yes. gets paranoid but has a stiff upper lip. Youve gotta play the game. or she has strange impulsive thoughts. shes sitting at the sesh and shes staring at chase like “if i wanted i could get my strawberry chapstick in my bag and just rub it on him and he would like, die” and externally shes just like 👁 👁 at you across the room

sell you weed in high school: no but she was watching school adderall sales like it was the stock market

foreman:

smoke: yeah sometimes. and he will act like fucking mr. weed expert

freak out: he’ll tell you he never does but hes lying. ego death every night. jk but. contemplating his entire life. Inner turmoil.

sell you weed in high school: he will but itll be weighed light and he’ll make you smoke half of it at his house 🙄

thirteen:

smoke: only when she drinks (so yes)

freak out: yes but silently. 🖤

sell you weed in high school: yes and she’d be on some orange is the new black shit

taub:

smoke: not really. he’s an adult. even when he was a teen he was an an adult. Like he had a pocket protector. maybe he would smoke weed during a mid life crisis but it’d be less about the weed and more about the crisis

freak out: not in the traditional sense but he’d ask you if he was high or looks high about a thousand times

sell you weed in high school: he was in the chess club and they were really busy

[darkerthanblack-666]

"something has been off with them for a while" I honestly have been thinking the same thing lately, They just feel so different to last year. I really don't know what it is exactly either

My friend says the fame got into their heads 😅. I don't know if it's true or not, maybe she's right, idk. I don't want to make such statements when I don't know the reason for their behavior, but I can try to point out some things that I dislike in what they're doing now. I just really don't want to start a drama... it's not any kind of hate, if I really dislike something I just ignore it and move on. That's how I always operate.

There are some fans who will always pay for everything and will always praise everything, but not everyone has a fat wallet and if they want to sell out stadiums in the future, they can't just cater to a small group of people. The whole introduction of VIPs was basically like "don't like it, don't buy it, some people want to buy, which means there's no problem" and then the whole focus was on people, who paid for that thing (which was what, 30 people per concert? and some of them were huge, like a few thousand crowd of people).

Their VIP offer was also really poor, it was basically paying for the opportunity to give them gifts (I had no VIP and I came early, so I had first row anyway, just not in the center, they also didn't have a photographer and took photos with people's phones, so they were complaints they met people after concerts in some countries for free... if they offered something extra in the VIP package it wouldn't be an issue). My friend showed me a different band's VIP offer with a price that's similar (I don't remember how much in eur it was for BC, but in PLN it was a similar price to the one in dollars here):

Come on, pizza party? BC you really need to try harder... and set up a box for gifts at your merch stand for people, who didn't buy a VIP ticket. Unless you don't want more gifts, then just say you have too much stuff.

Other than that, I felt like they mainly paid attention to the first row at the center during the concert, which was VIP people (maybe it's just my impression, if someone else who was in Poland disagrees, just say so). There are more fans than just 30 people in the crowd, seriously. Joel's explanations of this thing on social media totally didn't make sense and I hate the idea of paying to just meet them. I don't think anyone is important enough to pay for breathing the same air as them, just at a smaller distance than during the concert. If they want to earn this much money, they really need to come up with a better offer (and before someone says it's not much money... I'm Polish, to us it was more expensive than to people in other countries, because they set the same price everywhere... they really should consider that the market in Central [minus Germany] and Eastern Europe is different). Just because someone is willing to pay this much money, it doesn't make it a good deal and those people might also go away if they don't get something better next time.

Following this tour on social media also wasn't as much fun as before, exactly because I saw only the VIP thing everywhere. Either the band, or people were sharing it all the time. They even had to include it in their documentary. So I tried my best to avoid going into the tag, it made me upset... Maybe it was fun for those, who bought VIPs, but I've been saying it from the beginning I wasn't going to get one and I didn't, because I always mean what I say.

Another thing is their concerts. Everyone loved their craziness, but now they play so many concerts that most of them are the same, because they're unable come up with anything unique that often. I was really lucky to see Balboa with Samy on stage and sex doll with fruits before the LS concert, usually when I watched people's live videos it was all the same stuff... I understand why they're doing it, but maybe quantity is not the way to go 😅. Look at MCR, how everyone talks about them because of Gerard's new outfits all the time. I don't even listen to them and it got me interested. We also had so much fun spotting Aleksi wear something different all the time in the summer! But they do so many concerts that there's no more space for such small, exciting surprises. They toned down their craziness, too... It was fun to see them live (they put effort in it, so I got what I paid for, no complaints here), but checking updates from their other concerts just doesn't excite me as much as it used to 🤷‍♀️. I think other people feel the same, because even my live videos didn't get much attention (and come on, I even had Aleksi wiping his sweaty hand on his ass, one year ago it would make the fandom nuts 😂)

tl;dr: they need a better VIP deal, need to stop focusing so much on the VIP thing in general, and need crazy shit like Sharks back

[blindedbythedarkness]

I know how dumb it sounds, it's the reason I've never tried to explain it to anyone. I'm not sure I believe it myself. But I've always felt like I'm... someone else. Like I used to be a whole other person.

I don't even know where to start with explaining it. More, I suppose, there are just a lot of things I can't explain. There are just a lot of experiences and feelings I have that I can't rationalise any other way (as if this is rational at all).

For one I'm afraid of things that have never really hurt me. Specifically knives. I have other fears, like deep water, given I've nearly drowned twice. And yet the fear I feel from that is nothing compared to knives. Its such a deep, visceral fear. I can't stand to see someone hold one and face in my direction. Even a butter knife.

And at the same time, there are things I crave so badly. More than makes sense. All I want is to perform and to play guitar. It's a feeling that's followed me since I can remember and I've learnt to just push it down. Because I can't do that. And because I would never succeed. But just like the knives, it's such a deep feeling. Far stronger and more ingrained than anything else. I mean, I used to play basketball. I was pretty fucking good to be honest, for a while at least, and then I got a lot of injuries and I had to stop. So, I miss it. I wanted to try again for years until I did not long ago. But not once did my desire to do it come even close to this need to be on stage.

It's not just a need to be on stage either. It's as though my body can't shake this belief that it knows how to play the guitar. I feel like I know how, no matter how many times I prove to myself the opposite. To pick one up feels so natural, and yet I've never managed to learn more than a few notes and my poor coordination removes any sort of musical flow. I know for sure that I have no particular musical talent, and yet my need to express myself with it, in a way I simply can't, has always been so strong.

Plus, I've never felt like me. I've never felt comfortable in my body, in my identity. I mean, I know who I am and yes that person is by definition, trans. But it's more than that. Yes, this body is wrong. But my name has always been wrong too and not just due to gender. I have never felt attached to any name. To myself, I am nameless. For the most part, I didn't change my name due to its gendered connotations, I changed it because some shit experiences meant it was enough to trigger a fight-or-flight response. I hoped that maybe I'd feel more at home with a new name, but I don't. I don't hate it, but it isn't truly me. None of them are. I don't know what I'm really called. And yet again these feelings come from a place so deep down, where nothing else seems to reach.

Also, (and again I know this sounds totally ridiculous), I feel like I've seen things. Seen some real shit. I don't know how else to explain it. There are situations with specific themes I hear about and I will feel as though I relate, as a fellow survivor. And then I will remember that it has never happened to me. I mean, its only in my head, but it still makes me feel guilty and like a fraud. Plus, I see shit in my dreams. I always have done ever since I can remember. I have the vividest, most fucked up dreams that I could describe and draw in detail most mornings. Maybe they're the reason I feel like I've lived through actual shit? But how I imagine their detail and specifics, I don't know.

I remember the first time I heard about a kid who claimed he had another life. We watched a documentary about it in a religious education class and I instantly discounted it. "He must've found all that out from somewhere, it isn't possible." But it stayed with me, bugging me for years, because I couldn't really explain it. Then, as the years have gone by, I've always felt drawn to more stories like that. I mean there's so many. I always felt a sense of... relation to these kids. Idk. I sound mad.

I feel like a fool even entertaining the idea to be honest. I'm literally a scientist and I have no faith. I've never believed in heaven or hell and logically, I just don't think there's any way there could be an afterlife. We're just a bunch of organic matter that decays. How could one person possibly become someone else?! And yet, there's still always this nagging feeling. Always in the back of my mind. I am not who I am now. I don't know how else to explain it.

I don't know. I don't know what I believe. I just know there is so much more to me than I am able to ever become or express and the frustration from that is very real.

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch. 4)

Chapter 4

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 3,100

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ 

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

               “Jungkook, please don’t,” Catalina said from behind the counter. Jungkook was reaching for the unwrapped Kit Kat on the ground under a rack of “St. Briggs Lodge” sweatshirts.

               “Three second rule!” he said.

               “You found it there! You didn’t drop it!” said Catalina. She watched in horror as he picked it up and bit into it.

               “It’s fine. It’s not even old,” he said. Catalina groaned and put her head in her hands. The bell above the door rang as a customer walked in. Jungkook ran to join Catalina behind the counter as he stuffed the rest of the Kit Kat into his mouth. They tried to look busy folding the t-shirts in the box behind the counter. Catalina peeked at whoever it was that came in. Two people were browsing the ceramic fairy and dragon figurines. Two guys, one slightly taller than the other. Catalina couldn’t see their faces from where she was, but they looked like they might be hot.

               “Potential hottie alert,” Catalina whispered. Jungkook looked up and tried to catch a glimpse of them. The two men were chatting with each other quietly. One of them turned around. He was wearing sunglasses, but Catalina could tell he was definitely a hottie. When he came more into view, Catalina eyed him over more. His shoulders looked strong and his chest was muscular, she could tell even in his sweater…

               “Thighs,” Jungkook whispered. Catalina looked down at the tight jeans that hugged the man’s thighs perfectly.

               “Thighs,” Catalina agreed. The other man was just as beautiful; soft hair, lanky but strong looking figure, sharp jawline. This guy wore sunglasses too, red tinted aviators. “Who the hell are these guys?”

               Jungkook shrugged.

               “Thank you!” the red sunglasses guy said as the two men made their way out of the store.

               “Wow, what a treat,” Catalina said as soon as the door fell shut.

               “It’s not even winter yet,” said Jungkook. “And we’re already getting the hot tourists.”

               “Are the winter tourists usually hot?” asked Catalina.

               “A lot of the surfers from down south come up here in the winter to stay at the lodge, and they’re all these tanned, hot people from Los Angeles. It’s fun,” said Jungkook.

               “I’m sure. They didn’t really look like tourists though,” said Catalina.

               “No not really,” said Jungkook.

               “Hey, so I’ve been thinking,” said Catalina.

               “About?”

               “About that story you told at the bonfire,” said Catalina.

               “I think we’re thinking the same thing,” said Jungkook. “Okay, on three, let’s say what we’re thinking. One, two, three, let’s break into the house.”

               “I wanna see the house.”

               They looked at each other before laughing.

               “Well, I don’t wanna break in if someone’s living there, but I definitely want to see it,” said Catalina. “I had a dream about it last night.”

               “Did my scary story give you nightmares? That’s awesome,” said Jungkook.

               “I don’t know, I’ve been having the same dream for a few weeks now. But this time it was the house you described in your story,” said Catalina.

               “What are your dreams about?” asked Jungkook.

               “I don’t usually remember most of it, but I’m always being chased by this group of people who are supernaturally faster and stronger than me.”

               “That’s crazy. Maybe it means ghosts are real and your dreams are telling us we need to go ghost hunting in that house,” said Jungkook.

               “I don’t know how you got to that conclusion,” said Catalina. “But sure. Let’s do it.”

               “Oh my god, yes! I’m so excited. I have this camera that can do night vision, I’ve always wanted to do like a ghost hunting documentary,” said Jungkook. “We’ll come up with code names for the documentary. I’ll be JK Booker, a veteran ghost hunter who’s coming out of retirement for the job of a lifetime. You can be Claire Valdivant, a clairvoyant who can talk to spirits.”

               Catalina laughed until her stomach hurt.

               “How long have you thought about this?” she wheezed.

               “I just came up with it-“

               “Bullshit!”

               “I’ve been wanting to do this my whole life! Just let me live my dream!” he said.

               Catalina wiped a tear from her eye and said, “No, I’m totally in. Let’s do it. Hopefully, no one lives there, I really wanna make this documentary now.”

               “We can invite Jimin, since you guys are friends now,” said Jungkook. “I’ll have to come up with a character for him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                 “I’m Sergeant Vic, a former detective who quit the police force after witnessing a ghostly murder. Now I spend my days searching for the truth about the paranormal,” Jimin said. “You can call me Sarge.”

               “Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be so into this,” said Catalina. The three of them were in Jungkook’s garage. He was packing his trunk with camera and sound equipment, along with rope, flares and flashlights. Catalina figured they wouldn’t need much else other than the flashlights, but she wasn’t about to say anything to ruin the fun. She was definitely ready for her role. She had wanted to get into character as much as she could so she wore a low riding skirt with a crocheted crop top. She even had a pair of round sunglasses resting on top of her head. Jimin had arrived in slacks, suspenders, a fedora, and a beige trench coat.

               “I like your fedora,” said Jungkook.

               “Thanks. It’s my brother’s. He went through a phase in high school,” said Jimin.

               “I thought that was you,” said Jungkook.

               “No, I had the muscle shirt phase,” said Jimin. “Equally as bad.”

               “Right. Well, I think we have everything we need,” said Jungkook. “We’ll park at the souvenir store and then walk from there. It shouldn’t be too far.”

               “Shotgun!” Catalina yelled as she ran for the passenger seat. Jimin sighed and went to the backseat.

               The forest flew past them as Jungkook drove them up into the mountains. They parked in the tiny parking lot next to the store, which was closed at this hour of the night. In the parking lot, before they started their hike, Jungkook attached lavaliers to their collars.

“Protect these things with your life. They’re expensive,” said Jungkook.

The sun was just about to set. They’d be doing their hike back in the dark. Catalina didn’t know how she felt about that, especially because of that kidnapper on the loose. But she had pepper spray in her fanny pack and Jungkook had a huge knife strapped to his utility vest, so she figured they’d be fine.

               The hike wasn’t too long. They managed to find the rocky crag Jungkook had described in his story, which looked intimidating, but Jungkook led the way through an easy path to the top. The trail led them to the cobblestone driveway and a gated property.

               “This is it?” asked Catalina.

               “This is it,” said Jungkook. “Holy shit, this is crazy. It looks exactly the same! Well, no, there’s flowers in the front now. It was all overgrown back then.”

               “There’s definitely someone living here,” said Catalina.

               “Let’s look for a side door,” said Jimin.

               Catalina sighed. “If we get arrested tonight, I am absolutely throwing you guys under the bus.”

               “Well, that’s rude. I wouldn’t do that to you,” said Jungkook. “I thought we were ride or die?”

               “Yeah, wait a second. Are we resorting to every man for himself if we get caught?” asked Jimin. “I don’t want to get arrested.”

               “We won’t get arrested. I don’t think there’s anyone living here. It still looks overgrown and abandoned,” said Jungkook. “We should probably figure this out before we go in. Ride or die? Or every man for himself?”

               “Ride or die,” said Catalina. “I trust you guys.”

               “Ride or die,” said Jimin.

               “Ride or die,” said Jungkook. “Let’s get it.”

               Jungkook pulled out his camera and started recording.

               “This is JK Booker here with Clair and Sarge,” Jungkook said, making his voice sound deep and gravelly. He turned the camera to Catalina and Jimin. “We’re here at the mountain mansion, famous for holding ancient spirits. Tonight, the three of us are going to talk to those spirits.”

               Catalina led the way as they walked to the side of the massive mansion, searching for a side door. Jungkook brought up the rear, in order to catch everything on camera. They came upon a cracked, overgrown patio which led to the glass door of what used to be a conservatory. The steps up to the patio were crumbled, so they had to climb up the side. The glass door opened easily. The three of them crept into the glass room, eyeing the broken and overturned pots spilling dusty soil across the tiled floor. At the other end of the conservatory was another door, presumably leading into the house.

               They entered into a kitchen. It was dark and there were cobwebs above the cupboards. It didn’t look like it had been abandoned for long. Maybe a year or two. Catalina wasn’t sure. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest. This was much more adventure than she’s ever had before. They went further into the house.

               “Here we are,” Jungkook whispered. “In the belly of the beast. Guys, keep your eyes peeled for any suspicious sounds or voices.”

               “Got it,” said Catalina. “Wait, I feel…a presence.”

               “Who is it, Claire?” asked Jimin. “Is it a spirit?”

               “It is a spirit,” said Catalina. She closed her eyes and held out her hands. “Someone is nearby. They have a strong energy. An angry energy.”

               “We’ll proceed with caution then. I’ve had my fair share of violent spirits,” said Jungkook.

               “Tell me about it,” said Jimin. “The things I’ve seen-“

               “Tae Tae, is that you?” a voice asked from somewhere up ahead. The three friends froze. A man came around the corner and saw them, immediately tripping and falling back, screaming at the top of his lungs. Catalina, Jimin and Jungkook also screamed at the top of their lungs. The man scrambled to his feet and ran away, screaming, “There’s people in the house and one of them has a huge knife!”

               “We need to get out of here,” said Jimin. Catalina looked at him and saw that his face was sheet white, eyes like saucers.

               Before they could get far though, the man came back, flicking on a light switch in the kitchen. He saw them and screamed again, flinging the IPhone from his hand, his back hitting the wall.

               “We’re not gonna hurt you!” said Catalina. “We’re sorry we broke in, we didn’t know someone lived here.”

               The man took a deep breath and looked at them again. Catalina thought he looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it.

               “I’m sorry, the knife is really making me nervous,” the man said. He was trying to make his voice sound brave but he was still cowering against the wall. “Put it on the ground and explain yourselves.”

               Jungkook hurried to take the knife off of his vest and set it on the ground. The man gulped and stood up straight.

               “My name is Catalina,” Catalina said in what she hoped was a calm voice. “This is Jungkook and Jimin. We thought this house was abandoned and haunted. We’re just some dumb college students who wanted to check it out. We’re really sorry for breaking in and scaring you.”

               “Why are you dressed like that?” the man asked.

               “We were making a ghost hunting documentary,” said Jungkook.

               The man sighed and said, “Oh, well the show must go on. I can go upstairs and bump around a bit for your movie. Maybe make some spooky voices. I’m good at voice acting.”

               “What’s happening right now?” Jimin whispered.

               Another set of footsteps could be heard running towards the kitchen. They stopped at the entrance and a head peeked in.

               “Hobi? What’s going on? Why were you screaming?” the new stranger asked. He looked over at the three friends who were still standing in the kitchen, terrified. “Oh, hello! I didn’t know we had guests.”

               He stepped into the kitchen and said, “My name is Kim Taehyung, this is Jung Hoseok.”

               Taehyung was probably one of the most beautiful people Catalina had ever seen. He had fluffy black hair, big eyes with a beauty mark under the left one, and full lips. He looked a little bit like a god maybe. The man who had first found them, who was picking his phone up off the ground, was also stunning. He had dark golden skin, a sharp jawline, pretty face, and silky parted hair. However, only for a moment did their beauty distract Catalina from noticing their eyes. Their eyes were red. Blood red.

               “They were making a ghost hunting documentary,” Hoseok explained. “They didn’t know people lived here.”

               “Oh! How fun! Can we help you finish your film?” Taehyung asked.

               “Uh, actually, we should probably just get going,” said Jimin. “We shouldn’t be out too late, we have classes early in the morning.”

               “Oh,” Taehyung’s face fell. “Well, we won’t keep you then.”

               “Actually, I guess we could-“ Jungkook started. 

               “Jungkook!” Jimin slapped a hand over Jungkook’s mouth. “Can we have a moment to talk real fast?”

               “Sure! Just let us know if you need anything,” said Hoseok. “We have water and I think soda. And if you’re hungry-“

               “Okay, thank you,” said Catalina, grabbing Jimin and Jungkook’s arms to drag them away. “We’re okay for now.”

               Hoseok and Taehyung stepped out of the kitchen and Catalina turned to look at the boys. Jimin still looked pale.

               “I say we let them help us make the doc,” said Jungkook.

               “Are you crazy?” asked Jimin. “Did you not see the way they were acting? They’re weird! This is weird!”

               “Sure, they’re a little creepy and their eyes are red, but maybe they’re just goth,” said Jungkook. “You never know.”

               “Hoseok was wearing a pastel windbreaker. No goth would ever touch that with a ten foot pole,” said Catalina.

               “True…But Taehyung looked so sad when we said we were leaving,” Jungkook said with a pout.

               “Yeah, I bet he wants us to stay because they’re serial killers or something. They want to trap us in the house,” said Jimin. Then he grabbed his hair and gasped. “Oh god, we’re gonna die in here. We didn’t even tell anyone where we were going.”

               “It’s fine guys, we’re not gonna die,” said Jungkook. “My knife is still within reach and Cat, you have pepper spray, right?”

               “Yeah, I do,” said Catalina. “It’ll be extra painful with their contacts.”

               “Exactly. I say, we just let them help us make the doc and then we can leave, potentially with new friends,” said Jungkook.

               “Oh Gukkie, you sweet baby,” said Catalina, shaking her head. “But…I suppose we could try.”

               “Well, I can’t act when I’m nervous, so I’m not gonna be playing Sergeant Vic anymore. You’re just gonna have to work with nervous Jimin,” said Jimin. “I hope you’re happy.”

               “I am!” said Jungkook, clapping his hands. “Taehyung, Hoseok, you can come back in!”

               They came back into the room with hopeful smiles on their faces.

               “You can help us make the video,” said Jungkook.

               “But no murdering us,” said Jimin, pointing his finger at them.

               “Yeah, no funny business,” said Catalina. “Because pepper spray is gonna be way more uncomfortable in those contacts of yours, and that’s all I gotta say about that.”

               “I don’t understand any of that,” said Taehyung with a huge smile on his face. “Oh, I’m so excited! I promise on my mother’s grave that there will be no murdering or funny business. Now, what do you want me to do for your film?”

               Jungkook directed everyone from there. They ended up getting some cool shots of Hoseok bumping around behind closed doors and standing creepily at the end of halls. They got an interview with Taehyung, who was acting as the scared owner of the house. Catalina staged a séance and Hoseok threw a chair into the wall from off screen.

               “I think that’s a wrap, guys!” said Jungkook.

               “I can’t believe I did that,” said Hoseok, eyeing the dent in the wall where the chair hit. “Why did I do that? We’re gonna have to fix this and repaint. We’ll have to repaint everything, we can’t get this wallpaper anywhere.”

               “Wow, that was actually really fun!” said Catalina. “Taehyung, you were a pretty good actor!”

               “Thank you,” said Taehyung. “I’ve always wanted to try acting. Maybe this film can be my debut.”

               As Jungkook started packing up his film equipment and Hoseok continued to fret over the mess of the broken chair and dented wall, Catalina watched Jimin. He didn’t seem scared anymore. He was happily chatting with Taehyung, joking and answering questions about his classes. Catalina didn’t feel nervous anymore either, despite how strange this whole situation was. Taehyung and Hoseok were both so friendly, and Hoseok was such a scaredy cat all throughout filming, Catalina really had no reason to be afraid of these guys.

               “Send me the link when you post this,” said Hoseok, handing his phone over to Jungkook, who put his number into the phone and handed it back. “Do you edit these yourself?”

               “Yeah, I just use Final Cut, it’s pretty easy, but it doesn’t have a lot of effects,” said Jungkook. “That’s okay though, I prefer using practical effects anyway. They always look better. Also, I can’t afford any of those effects programs right now.”

               “Are you in school right now for film?” asked Hoseok. Jungkook nodded. “Are you a student at the university too?” Hoseok asked Catalina.

               “Yeah, I’m majoring in dance,” she said. Hoseok’s entire face lit up. “So is Jimin.”

               “No way! I was also majoring in dance!” he said. “I miss it so much!”

               “You stopped dancing after college?” asked Catalina.

               “I didn’t have a choice,” Hoseok shrugged. “Bad circumstances and all that. I never even got to finish my degree.”

               “Come to the studio with us one of these days,” said Catalina. “We can put on a playlist and just mess around.”

               Hoseok actually looked like he might cry. “I would love that. That sounds awesome.”

               He and Catalina exchanged numbers and Catalina put them in a group chat with Jimin, calling it “Dance Crew”.

               “I wonder if Namjoon is around,” said Taehyung. “He would love to meet you guys.”

               “Who is that?” asked Catalina.

               “He’s our other roommate,” said Hoseok. Then he ran to the stairs and hopped up a few before shouting, “Namjoon-ah!!!”

               “What?” a voice answered from upstairs.

               “Come downstairs and meet our new friends!” said Hoseok.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

prompts

April 26th: Talk about special interests. Do you have special interests? If not do you wish you did? What do your special interests mean to you? What are your current special interests? What are your past special interests? idk like i know i sure have & have had Interests, some more of interest than others, and it's also like, oh yeah i guess the ways i held that interest / explored it pretty intently / extensively / at length didn't always seem to be the way other people always felt about things even if we shared the interest, but yknow, at the same time it doesn't necessarily seem as extensive or major as some of the aspects of defining a Special Interest(tm) can be, i haven't been too pressed about it, but of course it's like, i have my Things lol, i.e. yeah this thing is kind of My Thing....and then i can look back on Things like. well idk when i was really little and you're just gonna like Cool Stuff, i did have the thing of like, i like dinosaurs and did sorta casually collect dinosaur stuff, easy enough b/c they make that stuff for kids, memorized a bunch of dinosaur Names so that just being asked to recite a bunch was something i was known to be able to do, a big fan of a couple semi educational computer games we had, shoutout to 3d dinosaur adventure and this magic school bus dinosaur (and ocean) game, had pajamas ft dinosaurs, rip to when i had a sick metal lunchbox with dinosaurs on it and it just broke on like week 1 of first grade or whatever and i just had to go back to default lunchboxes. well and then but anyways but from then on it was like, well, i guess it's media time......read a shit ton all the time, was into some tv series / movies, played some pc / video games, there was stuff i'd be glad to revisit over and over, and yknow, as this went on it'd be like, well now when there's A Relatable Enough Character in something i also like just in general, that's a powerful combo, though sometimes it's like, yeah i like this thing enough even in the absence of any particular [and i extra go hard about this character] element, that's not Not at play as it's like "well and i guess i will think about this quant every day for years now lmfao," and i can sure always talk about stuff At Length too, which sure is not something other people are generally interested in, but if/when they are, it's like okay great, this is a great connection point then, b/c otherwise it's like, i generally don't know what to say about myself, didn't get much practice, did pick up a sense of like, well stuff is Wrong about myself and my life so i shouldn't share it and also i'm not picking up friends so it was generally accurate that no one was exactly interested lmao. small talk is really more of a barrier / test you can just potentially fail, yet anything more personal is Oversharing, but hey i would earnestly love to talk at length about This Thing, so great when other people are into that at all lol and then if we vibe it's like, obviously that's the sort of functional "small talk" route here lol to being able to be more familiar w/each other and talk more generally, even if yknow, wuh oh, i'm kind of cagey outside those Interests i will talk about in ways that's probably "too much" by most ppl's standards, worst of both worlds when it comes to forming relationships but oh well, it is what it is and i sure don't consider it a bad thing i have plenty to say about things i Want to talk about, and it sure doesn't impede on anyone else if i'm Not Talking about other shit.

also then it's like, "idk what it is when you just determinedly Pursue something that's maybe still not the hugest deal, but i don't really feel very pressed re: figuring it out" like, does it count like how i mentioned today i'd read bird guides for fun as a kid, and watch this bird documentary and be like "hey. check out this scene in this bird documentary with this bird mimicry" to friends i now realize were probably mostly bemused by this, and really liked birds just generally (still true), and thus have like, maybe more Bird Knowledge than the average random person but also am hardly some self taught ornithological expert. or how i'm big into linguistics and etymology and, in theory, language learning, always really latching on to the little i was taught in school, also perusing some Language Guides available, and like, not really self teaching a bit re: learning some of a couple languages, just learning via teaching resources outside of [directly through any academic institution], never took any language classes, sure have no fluency in fuckall.........how about that i just decided as a kid like "hm i want to be able to draw" b/c i felt that way (and yknow, still do in a way lol) about pretty much anything, but i just also liked doodling and took some art classes and it was always this casual thing and now i use this to make fanart for the Media Interests lol, and although this is all digital drawing and drawing was always my primary thing it's like, well okay also yeah there was like, some painting / pastels / sculpting other Visual Arts stuff, and then, like, i sure enjoyed dance classes and the Performing Arts aspect of that, theatre gay adjacent b/w that and choir lol, have regular dreams about being part of impromptu dance performances, including just last night, rip to the special thwarting of "oh no i'm going around trying to get food before the show, getting stuck in traffic or lost in stores, and i've missed my whole first appearance" lol. anxiety dreams never end........and idk, i've had a love for math stuff, physics stuff, space stuff, even felt that [!] for the little i was able to get into circuitry and coding, but yknow. learning that shit is kind of involved and i only had so much experience re: taking classes, also, unfortunately, i always hated school lmao, so it's just kind of there where i'm like oh i get Into this shit in the ways that other people who are definitely Into it feel about it lmao. but yeah, idk, i do have like. well here's this sort of stuff i think about Every Day, this sort of mental home base sometimes, that i don't get tired of and reexplore / reexperience pretty intensively, but at the same time like, sometimes i can just sort of have something be that Interest for a lot more of a temporary duration, and things that were that main shit is like, well Probably when i like it that much once i like it down the line even if i haven't been that focused on it in the meantime, more just latent, but then it's like, well, but probably could and would still talk So Much about it still even if it's not like, oh yeah i'm Into This(tm) right Now lol..........idk! but i sure get really into shit and like, if anyone else is interested in me talking at length / drawing about it, that's sure probably the most successful grounds for Connection lmao cuz yknow. even people who maybe share that interest aren't guaranteed to see that and go "yeah this is someone i'm interested in actually talking to though" like yeah here's your preview of my personality i guess lol

April 27th: What is your favourite form of media? For example, do you enjoy books? What format do you prefer for books (physical, e-book, audiobook)? Did you love reading as a kid but find it challenging as you got older? How about movies, tv, or video games? Do you have a favourite series? yeah i read all the time as a kid, on the bus, if i finished shit early at school, on the bus again, also at home plenty, not so much when i was in college when it's like oh i can just do kinda whatever now (also as people point out it's like. well gotta do all this reading for classes now so) and then it was like, i'll get into other Media i can freely experience at any time, and also hang out with people Some, which i can also just do whenever now, as opposed to at any point before this......still like reading but it can sure kind of be a Whole Thing, like i either can't focus and it's like well time to read like, a paragraph or page a day, or else i'm focusing Too Much really like, if i'm at all trying to see how something ends i might burn through it in a few days (still a fairly slow reader) which is like, do i want to spend multiple days on this One Thing, even if it takes me like, multiple times the runtime to watch a movie or something, that's still probably getting done in 1 day. plus that yeah, mostly reading new shit via laptop, which is kind of a pain as opposed to physical books or like, e readers in theory, i've never actually used one. the only time i used an audiobook was a few times as a kid to read along with longer books to sort of help with that momentum, such a hot minute ago that this was via Tape Cassette.....i do listen to podcasts though, great for like, doing Something Else at the same time, which i don't know that i could split up that focus and guaranteed successfully absorb a book, Maybe So but select podcasts are my Extensive Audio of choice. never really watched that much tv, there were some stuff me and my siblings might watch as it aired, but not really Narrative Series lol, never seen shit, haven't even really watched That many movies either, still don't Really even though it's like yeah w/e in Theory i enjoy these mediums it's like oh my godddd it's a whole thing to focus on one and then plus what if i don't like it but i've had to put in all that time to know i didn't like it lmao.......i can enjoy keeping up with a tv series like, oh boy once a week a half hour to hour installment, that's a great format truly, but i'm rarely getting that experience lmao like. with billions you could stand 2 weeks between episodes b/c whew but it's v Rare like oh thank god, a series with that weekly release........but otherwise it's like ugh do i wanna have alllll this material to watch, do i wanna go through the whole process of figuring out what movie i feel like giving a try........and that i like Revisiting shit i already like pretty endlessly so it's like, i might just do that. so it's like, audio wise i'll put on podcasts, if i feel like watching something i Might be bothered to try out a movie or smthing b/c yknow, ultimately more doable to consume something that's just a few hours, all that when i'm Thinking About a tv series every day for years lmfao, shoutout to billions which sure gets to be my fave b/c tf else am i keeping up with, literally nothing else, even if i haven't gotten around to actually watching all of it yet / haven't simply sat straight through even the episodes i have watched, i Could do it but it's like god formidable when it's sure more than a movie's worth of content and plenty of "i don't care about this and/or hate this" to make me put my head through the wall lmfao thank you billions........also sometimes i remember like "oh yeah, i guess in theory i enjoy video games as well" but i didn't have That much experience w/them and sure don't now, so that's like well irrelevant ig. media

[echo-inthevoid]

Season 2 q&a and overall reaction

Jonny stealing everyone's names XD 

Is martin going to be ok!? I also need to know! 

He said no;-; 

ok ya, no one's gonna be ok. 

Ya, he must do sooo much research. 

Ya, except for "fatigue" lol.

Eyyy the mechanisms!! 

What's the red string brigade? Ok, I guess a group of fans theorizing about stuff. 

Oh ok so someone else did martins poetry. Ooh, there's more martin poetry out there! *grabby hands*

Ok ya, Alex clarifying that Jon isn't stupid he just makes poor decisions. Probably if he'd paused and thought about it (like I did lol, I had to go do some stuff in the middle of that ep and thought about it a whole bunch lol) instead of immediately going out and buying an axe and further isolating himself and panicking immediately he probably would have figured it out. This is why it's bad to panic in a crisis guys. 

Eyyy! Jonny's parents voiced Gertrude and Leitner! That's so cool. 

XD Jonny grumbling about having to work with his parents. 

Hmm, I hadn't really thought of Gertrude being like a mother figure in the story? She just seems very cut-throat I guess from what Leitner said. Idk so far I've been very suspicious of her. Especially since that one statement where her photo burned a whole bunch of people or something. She just seems very shady... 

Alex chortling over Jonny's pain. XD

Side note, Every time there's a q&a I just can't stop noticing Jonny's voice going in and out of archivist range? Like most of the time I'm just listening along and then he'll say a sentence a bit grumblier and my brains immediately like "ARCHIVIST! That's THE ARCHIVIST!!" 

Martin would be the last one alive in Friday the 13th! It's official! 

(Is it bad that this gives me hope)

Jon likes Nonfiction, documentaries, and probably collects something just a little bit weird. *writes down for use in potential fics* 

also while im at it I remember jon saying he dislikes coffee at one point,  and so many people have him liking coffee in their fics! This has been your daily reminder of that fact because ever since then it keeps bugging me lol. (But also do whatever u want.)

Alex's spluttering sounds so much like Martin.

Yes!! I want to hear jon sing!! Yes! Musical Episode When!!?

Ah yes yes yes! All the characters are so unique!!? How does he do it!! 

Ya, it being in audio format sometimes makes it hard to understand what's happening in the live-action bits. (Live-action is the wrong word but u know what I mean.)

Oh ok ya, how he mentioned he got a pipe was quite clever I didn't realize that that's why he mentioned it at all. 

Ooh, there's a manga where there's something similar to Michael? I'll have to look that up later...

XD Alex and Jonny arguing about apples. 

Ok, so all the statements we're hearing ARE for reals. I kinda assumed but good to have it confirmed.

They used to hang out together!!? Work function curry nights!! ;-; 

Ya Ya! Who made the leitners!?

"You are assuming a book needs to be written" ...ok then. (but it has to have been created somehow??? Did they just spring fully formed from the powers? why? And why take the form of books?)

Alex's mischievous laugh about whether jon has friends *trembles in fear*

Yes!! Micheal is so good! I'm so happy they love him too! Yesyes! His laugh! 

Ah Yes!! Mary kaey was so creepy! 

XD yes yes yes fatigue was written on zero sleep, I knew it! 

Akskdjdkd I love them so much. Also, I've looked up Michaels voice actor luke booys and he does some other horrory type sketches n stuff and I kiiinda want to do a little animatic with some of those but it's Michael like annoying some poor soul lost in his halls... I think that'd be fun. I wonder if anyone's done that yet? If so someone send me the links I neeeed iiitt :3

Season 2 summary:

Uuuuu ya so this season was really good. I kinda listened to it in bursts of about ten episodes every couple weeks and then have been saving up the reactions to post later so these are usually going up about a week or so after I actually listened to the episode just FYI. 

I also do have a lot of spoilers cause I can't keep myself away from fanfic and people don't always tag for spoilers and I kiiinda wana know what's coming beforehand anyway? Idk it's hard man I get very stressed about what might happen and then also listening to too much at a time is too spooky for my poor little heart so I gotta read the less spooky fanfic to fulfill the hyperfixation you see. (If anyone has fanfic with spoilers only up to season 2 that'd be great btw) 

Anyway, I try not to take spoiler type stuff into account unless I'm just so sure of it I can't really not acknowledge that I know about it. 

Also, can I just talk about Michael for a minute?? Cause he's such a unique character? And I guess maybe there are other characters like him but I haven't ever seen one -tho to be fair tma is only like the third horror thing I've ever really got into (the other two are the SCP Foundation in its various forms and Little Nightmares. Hence why I keep making reference to SCP it's really the only thing I know similar to this.) But he's such a cool concept!!? Like someTHING that still has a personality? He's so not human? Like I get what he says but also I don't really? Idk im pretty sure he's an avatar right? Right?? Idk if that means he was a person at some point? But all this to say that he is probably the most inhuman character I've come across so far and I'm trying to figure out what it is about him that's so "other" to me? Like... I don't really know what Micheal's deal is? he seems to want to be sort of a neutral mischief-maker but also it seems like he keeps getting invested. But also I just love the way he talks about himself. Like he's a monster that has a personality and is fully intelligent but isn't just evil but isn't neutral either and certainly isn't benevolent. Like he's so complex and just,,,, the idea of a "thing" that's got a personality?? I love it? Kind of like dryads or spirits of things? Like the idea that after a long time things gain personality just by existing? Not that that's what Michael is necessarily? but that same sort of concept applies to him I think. Like the way he IS the maze and wants to help but wants to just watch but wants to kill them all. He's just so interestinggggggg. (And another vision of what jon could become?)

 also "es Mentiras" is a beautiful name 💕

So are him and not-Sasha avatars? Not-Sasha also seems completely inhuman and I was under the impression that avatars were (or used to be) human? Or are they like personifications of their power? Do all the powers have personifications of themselves. not-Sasha seems even less human than Michael? Like she seems to just really genuinely enjoy causing fear? Tho I guess we didn't really get to hear a lot of her. She just seemed kinda gleefully angry most of the time we heard from her. Was she... Human once!???

Anyway. Also, can I just talk about leitners line about jon belonging to the eye!!? Just..*chefs kiss* hnnnngg I need more jon grappling with that. I just need more everyone dealing with the fallout post all of the finallies ok? I still need more of jon angsting over his worms scars and stuff and now I also need jon freaking out about belonging to a fear god power thing. 

Also Martin! Is Martin ok? He sure did a lot of yelling which he doesn't usually? Look I love him and he actually thinks before he acts (unlike SOME people *looks at jon*) and he writes poetry and it is pretty good poetry ok!! And he cares about everyone and just wants a happy ending and aaaaa😭

Petition to get some statements from Martin's pov tho? I mean that's not gonna happen cause Jon's the archivist but I want more martin pov!! Maybe we can get some of his poem tapes??? Pls????? 

I feel so bad for Tim. It sounds like he's kinda fallen into despair.

Also Elias!!? Is showing his spooky side!!? He can control cameras and beat a man to death with a pipe!!? This is his "place of powerr"!!? I am afeared!!? At least jon knows he shouldn't trust him now. Oh jeez, I wonder if jon will listen back to the tape and know what happened. Thhhatsss rough. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't feel guilty cause Leitner did keep trying to hurry him and now everyone thinks it was him. Even martin thinks he did it? Wich like I kinda want to hear more of his thoughts on that? How much does he believe that jon did it? Tim certainly seems pretty certain but he's a bit biased and cynical right now so. 

And they were in the maze for DAYS? 

Now I need martin recovering from being stuck with Tim in Michaels maze for days being angry and worried and hungry etc... Dksjdksa knowing jon could be dying RIGHT NOW and there's nothing he can do. Please someone give me the fic links if this exists!! I've already written like 5 drabbles based entirely on spoilers/other fics (which I'll probably post (w/ links to their inspirations) once I'm caught up and can make sure I'm not just completely demolishing cannon lol. 

Leitner didn't even scream or yell or anything when he was murdered. Literally the chillest dude ever. F

Overall super great, Elias is terrifying, let's dive into the next season!!! I've got 2 seasons to finish in like, less than 2 or so weeks(?) if I wana be caught up by season 5 hhhh,,,

Better get started I guess. 

[trrenchertrash]

tagged by @brontes thank you !! ♡

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? like a 5.5 maybe

describe yourself in a hashtag? #AHHHHHHHH

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? does anyone actually like to do love scenes cause it seems like it’d be pretty uncomfortable to me

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? rolling with the punches

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? probably that i’m actually a mess hahaha

what’s your wake up ritual? bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, contacts, breakfast and then get dressed

what’s your go to bed ritual? bathroom, brush teeth, contacts out, read until i’m ready to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? depends on the season, but since we’re coming up on summer i’ll go with that twilight time of the evening between like 7 and 9 when the sun is setting and you can hear all the crickets and other insects singing and everything seems blanketed in this otherworldly glow

your go to for having a good laugh? old messages/videos/photos, cracky memes and shitposts

dream country to visit? new zealand

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my parents surprised us with a trip to disney once! my sister and i literally cried lmao

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers

vintage or new? depends, but usually new

who do you want to write your obituary? whoever wants to i guess

style icon? padme amidala (yes a fictional character)

what are three things you cannot live without? family, friends, and good stories

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i use red pepper a lot, but not in everything. so probably too much salt

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my best friend, my sister, my mom

what’s your biggest fear in life? failing / not living up to my family’s expectations of me

window or aisle seat? window, but only if i know the people next to me. i get up way too many times to bother them if i don’t lol

what’s your current tv obsession? the clone wars :(

favorite app? apple music or messages, bc those are the ones i use most

secret talent? all my talents have long been put on display and used to give me stress lol

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? moving across the country for school probably

how would you define yourself in three words? perceptive, self-aware, empathetic

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my fila disruptors? basic i know but they're very stompy

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a nice pair of jeans i think

a superpower you would want? telepathy

what’s inspiring you in life right now? art and the people who make it

best piece of advice you’ve received? forgive and let go (but don’t forget)

best advice you’d give your teenage self? stop worrying so much about being well-behaved and fight back. tell people what you think even if they don’t want to hear it

a book everyone should read? everyone has different values and interests so i don’t think i can recommend one book that everyone should read

what would you like to be remembered for? being a good friend

how do you define beauty? beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so it’s whatever i think is beautiful, and also whatever anyone else thinks is beautiful

what do you love most about your body? if we’re talking about features then my eyes, but overall i’ve worked hard to get strong and i love how effortless everything feels now

best way to take a rest/decompress? lounging around and watching something, maybe with friends depending on my mood

favorite place to view art? i guess it depends on what type of art

if your life was a song, what would the title be? keep on

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or saxophone

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? it would be small, just under my hairline on the back of my neck. but i would never get a tattoo anyway

dolphins or koalas? dolphins !!

what’s your spirit animal? i don’t think so

best gift you’ve ever received? probably books that i asked for

best gift you’ve given? i design a themed calendar for my best friend every year and she always really loves that, but also i did something very elaborate for my sister last christmas and she was laughing about it for weeks. the pieces are still arranged in a shrine in her room lol

what’s your favorite board game? clue, or trivial pursuit but only if it has a fun theme

what’s your favorite color? all of them!

least favorite color? there are no bad colors

diamond or pearls? pearls

drugstore makeup or designer? you could hand me one of each and i wouldn’t even know the difference

pilates or yoga? i’ve never done either so idk

coffee or tea? coffee but i like both

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? discombobulate, canoodle, phlegm

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? dark for sure

stairs or elevators? stairs, i hate elevators

summer or winter? both

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? just the thought of that makes me tired of every single food in existence lol

a dessert you don’t like? anything fancy

a skill you’re working on mastering? life drawing and general storyboarding stuff, for school and career purposes

best thing to happen to you today? the clone wars finale :((((

worst thing to happen to you today? also the clone wars finale :((((

best compliment you’ve ever received? a few of my friends have told me that i always know exactly what to say, and that makes me happy bc i try very hard to understand them and be what they need so i’m glad it pays off

favorite smell? pine trees and snow on the air, but also sunscreen and the sea

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, what would it be about? honestly it would be about star wars, but specifically george lucas and his vision and how the unique position the franchise is in, where multiple authors and creators are contributing to it at any given time + the disney rebranding + the fact that star wars fans have always seemed to adamantly want to discard lucas’ original intent has led to the way fan circles view star wars now and how wildly different those views can be from what lucas intended

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? the clone wars finale lol

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? savory

girl crush? natalie portman

how do you know you’re in love? i’ve only been in love once and it was a very fledgling thing but it was like, they’re always on your mind, seeing them is simultaneously like there’s no ground under your feet and also like there’s no oxygen in the room, and being with them makes you insane just the same as not being with them makes you insane

a song you can listen to on repeat? right now, youth by glass animals, but it always changes

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? definitely no one! my life is like a well organized library (even if maybe some books are missing or damaged lol) and i would hate to be dropped into an unsorted pile of books and have to organize all over again

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? well real life is kind of on hold but my cousins and i just merged our quarantine circles which is a lot of fun so there’s that lol

this is long so i’ll just tag a few: @yensofrivia @daenerystargaryes @elizabethswcnn @kristnbell ( feel free to ignore ofc ♡ )

[obeymematches]

requesting a demon boy hehe ^-^

hey admin i hope you’re doing fine :D

* im socially awkward, i suck at keeping conversations so i like people who are patient and talkative

* i get distracted easily so i like watching movies or a series with someone else and i also talk during it sometimes so bear with me hehe

* i love horror related things!! from murder documentaries to gory art and if im at my peak i can stay up all night reading on stuff im passionate in,, which is why i know a lot of stuff

* i tend to be optimistic and smiley because negative things (even a slight change in voice tone) affect me so badly and i dont want to affect others too

* i hate lateness, i hate repeating myself and i hate people who makes the mood go down 

* i like cooking and i would love someone who would cook with me. it doesnt matter if they’re good or not as long as they are interested its okay

* im not really a morning person 

* my friends say i have a great sense of humour and i can talk for hours end if prompted about something im really into

* its hard for me to build relationships because i tend to distant myself if i feel like im annoying them 

* im very ambitious and if i really put my mind to something i’d work hard on it so if no one stops me i tend to overwork and go into complete burnout,,which sucks

* i forget a lot of things including birthdays 

* as much as i am an introvert (an intj, to be exact), i like going outside and seeing the world and go on adventures ,, maybe to the new amusement park or food hunting at the fancy streets

* i like having a vcr around to record moments, and i like people who could take good pictures of me 

* i am amused over the smallest things, it can be a shiny rock, a baby shaped cloud or a butterfly on your head

* i need someone who can ground me because i do get overwhelmed easily

* my alignment is chaotic evil 

* i LOVE back hugs and forehead kisses!! 

* and i love stupid debates over breakfast 

-----------

Hello! 💎

I’m fine, just dropped my phone and broke the screen... but its ok 😩 (not a big spiderweb so idc) I hope you’re fine too, and i hope you enjoy the result!

So I was torn between Satan and Mammon, but I think you and Mammon might be better! 

So both of them is patient and talkative (in canon none of them tried to hurt the MC yet so thats patience compared to the others) and that is why it was not an easy decision, but listen. 

Mammon gets along well with anyone, regardless of the awkward first phrase. 

He likes movies too and I don’t think he really minds a company who talks over the device! (I choose him because idk what Satan would think of that. Sure he gets really into series and stuff but thats exactly why I’m not sure if he would appreciate talking while it’s on) 

 Actually you know what, you and Satan would be so close friends but Mammon would be drawn to you regardless. 

Like you could talk to him about the thing you like, he would try and watch movies with you but be aware that he gets scared easily! 

He watches it with you anyway so hopefully you appreciate his efforts 🥺

So what really attarcts him is your optimistic and positive attitude towards everything. You’re such a cute and sweet person, and you actually care about him. How could he not fall for you hard. 

I think the fact that he hangs around with you sooo often would influence your personality in a way that it will be easier for you to open up to people or just to keep a conversation going. 

Mammon is literally never the one to ruin the party (unless he does something very stupid) so that is not an issue. In fact I kind of headcanon him as a person who makes the mood better? like he can and will cause drama but it’s never on purpose. (also I wish canon showed more of his serious side. like theres 1 ssr card’s devilgram story thats more serious but i haven’t finished that yet. i believe its the One too many insults card, or something among those lines) 

Hmm I’m not sure about his cooking skills but he’ll do anything to spend time with you after a while, so if it means cooking then so be it! (I mean he has worked at Hell’s Kitchen before, I’m sure he knows a thing or two about cooking, so he might help you teach some tricks around kitchen utensils)

Honestly he appreciates someone with a sense of humour so thats really nice. Depending on your taste, he can be a real funny guy too! Joking around can really make a relationship stronger. 

Uh I think he feels similar about distancing yourself from others. That would make a mutual connection. The best relationships are the ones where you really get the other person’s character. 

Tbh he could use some of your ambition regarding his plans or studies so hopefully you can also influence him! 

I don’t think he would simply let you burn out. Like he really does care about you, if it means picking you up and putting you down in a different room for your sake, he will do it. Not to be annoying as he just genuinely wants the best and you’re being stubborn 🥺

So I think a spark would happen when you ask him to tour you around the Devildom on the first week of your stay. He would take you to some amusement parks! And it would be the greatest ice-breaker ever! 

Ohhh I think he is one of the best at taking pictures, dude is literally a model. He knows the best poses. The best angles. Just trust him. 

Hm he’s one of the more carefree brothers, a rather free spirit. He would be confused about why you worry so much. Not exactly in a mean way but it would sometimes help you see things from a less stressful POV. 

I think a problem would be that he might affect you negatively, like the way he talks and stuff, but it is canon that he is going to do his best to change once you bring it to his attention. 

He is affectionate I think, so it’s really nice that you like kisses and hugs! Expect a lot! 

[fray-ah]

Gap year struggles and thoughts

So, hey. I don’t suspect many people will read this post, and that’s completely fine - i just need to get a couple of things down, and i believe my study-ish blog is the best place for me to do it, as most of the things are somewhat study related.

As you may or may not know, I am currently on a gap year before starting uni. It is very usual to take a gap year (or multiple) in Denmark, before going off to university, and i mainly chose to take a break to find out exactly what i want to study and to improve my mental health, which is quite necessary if I aim to survive uni. Going into the gap year i was a bit worried about the whole “not-being-in-school-thingy”, so i made a few goals/planned a couple of things i wanted to do to stay busy during my gap year, including

Working (i work 7:45AM to 4PM monday and tuesday)

Riding (we have 3 horses, and i ride everyday - so that’s a given)

Running/staying in shape (i’ve fallen quite in love with running, and i run between 4-8km every other day)

Learning russian

Learning new physics and get very good at the “fundamental” of physics before (probably) going to study it at uni

Reading

Now, after doing these things for about 2 months, I feel like it’s lacking something. Every day i finish everything on my to do list by 3PM, and then I feel utterly terrible the rest of the day. After a thorough investigation of why things are like this, I’ve come to a few conclusions regarding the matter. The main conclusion is, quite obviously, that i need more things to do. Taking physics notes and being on duolingo a couple of hours a day, does simply not do the trick for me - yes, I’m learning things, but I miss the school feeling and i miss actually doing things, instead of just passively watching the day go by. Conclusions and thoughts on how I’m going to make my gap year better are as following:

Online courses. I initially thought that it would be great to just read physics books, take notes and do some exercises, but i find that i need more of the school-feeling. Therefore i will take some online courses in different areas of physics, maths and programming - possibly other fields as well. I just staying busy and always have things to do, and actually feeling like i have accomplished something after working for 6 hours. Currently i am enrolled in a special relativity course i found on coursera, which i will start doing ASAP, but i honestly have not done a lot of research regarding online courses, so if you know a good place to take online courses, preferable free or cheap, please let me know!

Get more out. I’m already outside multiple hours a day, but i think i need to go more out (to do work and such) in places like libraries - the only problem is that i live 20 minutes(by car) from the nearest library, and even that library is not that... great.. But nonetheless, i think i might have to go explore the 3(lol) libraries that are < 30 minutes by car from me. Coffee shops would also be a possibility, but as i live quite isolated, there’s literally no good coffee shops for doing work in nearby. Anyways - get out more, explore places, and all that.

Workaway/something abroad. I have thought a bit about going away for a month or two in my gap year, and my favorite possibility right now is to find a place on workaway where i can work a couple hours a day for accomondation and food - i think it would be absolutely amazing for me to do a thing like that on my own, as it terrifies me. I’m thinking about Scotland (maybe), as it’s not too far away, i speak english fluently, and they have amazing nature and mountains, which is a thing i enjoy a lot. I visited Scotland for a couple of days this summer with my dad, and i fell in love with it - so Scotland is certainly quite high on the list of places to go. I’m mostly looking at places where they need help with taking care of animals (preferable dogs, horses, cats), and general help with outdoorsy things. The only problem with this is that i have a job that i can’t just leave for a month in the middle of everything, and i have a horse that i can’t leave for too long. My current solutions to these problems are (1) doing it by the end of spring/early summer, as I will have to leave the job to go to uni anyways - this is a bit sad though, as i think it would be better for me to leave sooner - but i don’t think there’s a lot to do about that. (2) I don’t know anyone who could ride my horse if i leave, so I’m thinking about sending him to a trainer for a month, so he won’t get bored or out of shape. Anyways, I think this is certainly something to think more about, as I do believe it would be incredible beneficial for me, in multiple ways.

Create something. I also feel like I’m not creating enough, and I’m thinking about either writing a book(or something else, idk), or starting a youtube channel. Or both - who knows. I’ve always kinda wanted a youtube channel, but I just never thought i had any content - my life was boring, and such and such - but maybe there is content in finding “content”? In having a good, interesting, beneficial and productive gap year?

(Maaaaybe getting another job.) I don’t want to work full time more than 2 days a week - it is exhausting and I didn’t go on a gap year to be exhausted by doing not-so-fun-things. BUT, I’m thinking a bit about maybe looking into being a dogwalker a couple of times a week, or helping kids with their homework a bit. Just to get out of the house, and have some sort of responsibilities the days I’m not working. Problems include: (1) I don’t actaully have any dogwalking experience - but I’m, generally speaking, very good with animals, but I don’t know if that’s enough to get people to pay me for walking their dog.. hmm.. and (2) I’m not really good with kids - or, I guess I am good with them, but I tend to get easily annoyed if they’re unwilling, especially if I am to help them with learning... hmm.

Be more curious and aware of what’s going on in the world. This includes watching more documentaries about things i don’t know anything about, reading the news and actually forming opinions on things (what a concept!lol)

Be more mindful. I think a lot, and i think it would be incredibly beneficial for me to do more meditation and yoga - things to get myself into a better mental space. The whole self-discovering-thing, I already feel like I’m pretty good at, and I do know quite a lot about how i think and work - but it is, of course, always improvable, and i think that being even better at journaling, scribbling down my thoughts and drawing conclusions from them, would only be a good thing.

I think that was all for now - and I’m also tired of writing now, haha. Again - this post was mostly just to share my thoughts with someone or noone - both possibilities are completely fine, but thanks a lot if you’ve actually read it, i really appreciate it. I apologize for every grammar- or spelling mistake, english is not my first language, which certainly shows, haha.

[blondecarfucker]

Bed of Roses (Last Chapter - 21)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: THE LAST CHAPTER. I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE. i feel like before i start my thank yous i could give you some weird trivia on the story. i wrote the entire outline for the fic at a weekend shift at work, where i always have free time. i had some smaller ideas - them meeting at a bar and not seeing again, the whole kensingon-taxi-class thing from the beginning - but there was a sudden burst of inspiration and in like twenty minutes the outline was done, and very little has changed, i mostly just added some more details. also, i imagine the reader as alicia silverstone in the 90s?? idk. i just do. also, the reader thing with new york comes from the fact that i lived there for a while and i miss it so much, so thats why theres so much detail about places and stuff - its my form of revisiting my favourite spots there. also, will (REMEMBER WHEN) was written with sebastian stan in mind, and liv tyler (in her lord of the rings days) was poppy. i did too much research for this fic on queen history, and everytime i had to change something (especially in the first act) so the dates made more sense, it KILLED ME.

anyway, now the thank yous: SHIT THIS FIC IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER ON MY LIFE. its my first time writing such a long story without abandoning it, and my first time writing fiction in english, so i learned so much!! i was doing some research the other day, and the great gatsby is like 47k words long, and the first harry potter is around 70k words long - bed of roses is around 60k words long. this is crazy.

it's also my first story to get this many readers interacting with me, and i'm so grateful for you all!! i thought about thanking you all by name, but i dont want anyone to feel left out so i just want every and each one of you reading these words to know: if you read my story, thank you. thank you for giving me your time of the day, thank you for connecting with what i wrote, thank you for telling me in any way possible that you've enjoyed it. thank you. a writer must write, but theres not a lot of joy in talking to an empty room. you filled my small room with warmth and love and there's not enough words to express my gratitude for you all. thank you.

about my writing: i plan on FINALLY DOING THE MANY REQUESTS I HAVE IGNORED OVER THIS FINAL ACT OF BED OF ROSES - requests are still open, too! i'm also outlining a smaller roger x reader fic where she's one of the videographers on the news of the world documentary, so keep an eye out for that! i'm gonna open a permanent taglist for the requests (and eventual new fic), so if you want to be added, hit me up in the ask box/comments/inbox!

anyway i'll finally wrap up this chapter's note cause you have the final chapter to read. enjoy my loves

Words: nearly 4k

Warnings: none??? part of their dialogue is inspired by some of my favourite movies and books like her and the wife and almost famous and before sunrise and the fault in our stars and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and maybe more I DONT KNOW ITS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL RIDE OK I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHERE DID I PULL THIS FROM EXACTLY. some errors too cause i didnt revise it completely my bad im crying ok

 ACT 3 - DAWN

"It's the moment night time seems weaker and everything seems easier to figure out"

 Chapter 21

Roger lit a cigarette in the train cabin, and tried to open the top window, the one you can usually pull open.

"Rog, it's not gonna open, you know", you told him as you watched him fiddling with the glass.

"I guess you're right. Hope you won't be bothered by the smoke", he said, taking a puff.

"I won't if you share it with me", you answered, and with a half smile on his lips, Roger lifted the cigarette to your lips, and you breathed in the smoke while looking at him through your lashes.

"Don't look at me like that. Especially if the cigarette smoke is going to leave the cabin sultry and hot", he told you, and you laughed.

"Yeah, and we won't do anything about it", you said, trying to make yourself more comfortable in your seat.

"And why is that?", he asked, batting his lashes innocently at you, you you lightly elbowed his ribs.

"We need to do something else, something we've been ignoring the whole trip", you said, and he raised his brow. "We need to talk about us", you told him, and he breathed out, smoke coming out of his nose.

"I guess you're right again", he said, then slid a bit down on his seat.

You didn't think much about talking about your future with Roger while in Paris, so now has to be the time, on a train that will take you to London and to a whole month of Roger being away, promoting News Of The World.

While in Paris, you never talked to Roger about the future, and talks of the past where subtle - you talked about how you felt with the development Doctor Who took over the years, but didn't think much about the fact that you were separate during years of the show.

You enjoyed the city, but most of all, you enjoyed each other's presence, not only going to museums, churches and castles around you, following them up with fancy dinners and walks along the Seine, but you also spent time inside the room, in your pajamas, ordering take out from restaurants you found on the phone book, having a hard time trying to speak french as Roger tickled the sole of your feet and kept trying to distract you.

You would always remember the peace you felt as you ate cheap chinese food on Roger's shirt on the balcony at night, the Eiffel Tower shining over your meal and Roger's electric blue eyes as he hummed early David Bowie's songs under his breath, or how at home you felt sitting on the couch, Roger on the floor with his head on your lap, his soft strands on your fingers as you tried to braid them while watching re-runs of I Dream of Jenie, Roger focused, trying to understand the french dubbing until he noticed what you were doing.

"Babe, are you trying to braid my hair? Think I'd look better if I'd look more girly?", he said, moving his head back so he can look at you.

"Yeah. Always thought so, but I'll have to keep imagining, since your hair is too short to braid", you pouted, and he laughed.

"Don't you like my new hair, then?", he asked, pouting back, and you moved your head to his level so you could press a quick kiss to his lips.

"I love it, Rog. Especially cause since it's shorter, it looks even messier after I pull it", you said, and he smirked. "My favourite look of yours is when you're all dishevelled after sex", you winked, teasing him.

"That's my favourite, too", he said, turning completely around and pulling you in for a kiss, his hand on the back of your neck.

But now, while in the smoke filled train cabin, you needed to make a few things clear.

"I've been avoiding this for a reason", he said, looking out the window, and you raised your brow, waiting for him to explain. "I have this weird, innate fear of you telling me it's all good but you don't want to see me again, or something", he said, and you gave him a half smile.

"I don't want to do this, Rog. And I won't do it", you told him, and he sighed in relief.

"Even though loving you is a bit complicated, I'll admit. Especially if you're me", you shrugged, and he turned to you, confused.

"Let me explain. I loved your idea for a bed of roses, a few days ago, cause it can exemplify our relationship so well. The roses feel so good against the skin, the smell is so intoxicating, it looks so beautiful - maybe too beautiful, ethereal, even. But then there's always a few thorns here and there, and they hurt so much when they lodge themselves on my skin, but I'm so intoxicated by the whole experience that I don't mind - I convince myself that it's nothing, and even that it's already part of me already, cause the thorns fit so perfectly on me, on my little stabs made by myself, by my own insecurities", you say, and he stares at you.

"What I'm trying to say is that every minute that I'm with you always distract me from the issues that come with being with you - the fact that there's a few expectations that come with being your serious girlfriend, be them always travelling with you while we're young, or eventually staying home once we have kids, knowing that you'll eventually cheat on me with a younger version of myself, while I'm too tired of taking care of the babies to even think about my sexual needs", you said, and you watched him frown.

"I'm not sure where you're going with this-", he started saying, but you cut him off.

"Let me finish, I promise it will get better", you said, fixing your posture as you start again. "But the thing is, I love you. I always have, ever since I started talking to you, you always trying to outflirt me, always seeing me as your equal. You desire me, but you also listen and see me as another human being, you never back down or ignore me if I challenge one of your beliefs, and you never treat me as a trophy-wife-to-be", you say, and you can feel your eyes fill with tears, but you're smiling. That's what you always loved about Roger. He smiled back at you.

"And because I love you, I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you. I'd rather be in a bed of roses than in an empty bed - or worse, a blank bed, someone being there just so it's less cold at night. I want to be with you, Rog", you say, and he pulls you in for a hug, and you hold him back for a few moments before pulling away and looking at him in the eye.

"But also because I love you and I want to be with you, Rog, I don't want us to try to fit into this type of relationship I just mentioned. I don't want you to make me the other woman, either, when you eventually find someone so you can settle down, if it's not me" you said, rubbing your nose. "I guess I want to settle down with you, eventually, as we planned before, but this whole thing - living together and cheating if we're away for too long - it kills me, and I think it kills you, too. I respect you too much to want to cheat on you again, cause if I ever do and you never find out, I'll lose respect for you, and the same thing will happen if you cheat on me and I don't find out. And these are ugly truths, but this isn't our first time together; we know each other, we need to think about this", you told him, and he nodded.

"And I need to make it clear that I'll never be a simple rockstar housewife - I'll never be able to quit my job and look out for the kids while you travel the world and I make them lunch. I'll never be able to sit down on a dinner table on some award show with you and when someone asks me what I'll do, I'll smile as I say I'm a king-maker. I'm not", you said, firmly.

"And I'll never be satisfied with dumb spa and shopping trips as you do the actual work when we travel. If I have to live this life, I'll resent you, and I don't want that. I like being domestic with you, but this type of forced domesticity will poison us again - we're both too wild, too career-focused, for this. We've always been similar", you said, and he gave you a smile as you sighed. "I guess that's all I have to say", you shrugged, and he laughed. "Not much, right?", he said, running his fingers on his hair, pulling the strands back.

"Guess it's my turn now", he said, and you nodded, encouraging him. "When I saw you again, at the pub, there was so much that I wanted to say. I mostly wanted to apologize - it got lost as I got infatuated with you again, and tried to get you in bed - you know, usual stuff", he winked, and you laughed.

"But yeah, I kept looking at you while you updated me on your life, your skin glooming under the stars and the moonlight, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. Cause no matter what - even if you had decided on never seeing me again after all this - I'll always love you, because we grew up together. And you helped make me who I am", he said, moving strands of your hair behind your ear.

"I just want you to know that there will always be a piece of you in me, always. Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world, however this" he said, pointing his finger to the two of us "works out, in whatever form it might take", he said, sighing "I'll always send you love. Before being anything else to me - and I hope to God you're always something more - you'll always be my friend, to the end", he told you, and the tears were already streaming down your cheeks. His cheeks soon mirrored yours.

"And now, after you so eloquently told me all your fears about our future, I need you to know something else, too", he said, as you wiped the tears under your eyes. "I always loved you for being the way you are. You always challenge me, you always make me work harder, try harder, to be better. And it's not even something you force me to do; I just follow your lead. The way you look was what first got into me, I won't lie, but the way you are is what made me stay. It's what will always make me stay", he said, a genuine smile on his lips. He made you feel warm, like the sun.

"You're the smartest person I know, you're funny, you enjoy sex, you're unapologetic, you're proud of who you are, even proud of your insecurities. And you have such a huge importance in my life: you made me who I am. Whatever way you want to make us work, I trust you. I just want to be with you, in whatever form it takes", he said, smiling, and then getting up and opening his bag.

"I forgot to give you something", he said, pulling a string out of the front pocket. You recognized the red glimmer. It was the heart necklace. "It's still yours to keep. Even though it's not in its original glory, it will always be yours. The necklace and my heart", he said, and you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Always so cheesy, Taylor", you said, joking as you moved your hair to the side so he could put the necklace on.

"You always loved it", he winked, and you laughed. "I do", you said, smiling.

"So, what does it all mean? Where are we?", you asked, and he shrugged. "Wherever you want us to be. I just hope that you keep me around", he told you sincerely.

"I will. So, we're not going back to our old ways, right? We're not back at sharing a flat and stuff", you said, and he nodded. "Sure".

"And you're going to spend a month away, all around the world. I don't want you to feel pressured not to cheat", you said, and he nodded again.

"Yeah, and you're back in London, starting a new job. I don't want you to be worried, too", he said.

"So, maybe no exclusivity, this time? At least not now. This is still debatable, in the future", you said, and he agreed.

"Makes sense. But I'll have a hard time desiring anyone but you", Roger said in a low voice, and you laughed to break any mood that might have settled. You needed to get things clear before making out in the train cabin.

"Me too, Rog. But I don't want to create any expectations of loyalty because we know each other too well, and I don't want a stupid fight to break this thing we're building together", you said.

"It's a good idea. So, no titles, too? I can't call you my girlfriend?", he said, and you laughed.

"You can, if you want to", you told him, and he pulled you closer to him.

"Good, cause I want to call you that on the News of the World launch party, that I'm hoping you'll go as my date", he said, pressing a kiss on top of your head, breathing in your fruity smell.

"Of course I'll go. I need to see the boys again", you told him, and he laughed.

"So you're not going for me, then?", he pouted, and you laughed again.

"No, I'm just going so I can meet Deacy's kid", you told him, and it was his turn to laugh.

-

Once you got to London, Roger offered to go to the airport alone - he had to get on his flight, and he was late. He knew you had to go home and get ready for work tomorrow, but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

He looked relieved when you got on a cab with him to Heathrow.

"Big day tomorrow, huh", he said, rubbing your arm.

"Yeah, I still can't believe I'm finally going to work at the British Museum. It's so surreal, it feels like a dream. Like I'm living someone else's life", you said, looking out at the window, the early sunday morning reminding you of fresh starts - you were in the middle of one.

"Well, it's your life, and it's your job, cause you deserve it, babe. I never met someone who worked so hard to get where they want", Roger said, smiling, proud.

"I did. You and the boys", you said, and he huffed. "Guess you're right. Me and that pack of idiots, we turned out okay", he joked.

Once you got to the airport, you followed him to his gate.

You were feeling nervous - you had him for a week, and now it's time to say goodbye again.

You're both aware that the rest of the band is already waiting impatiently in the jet, but you can't help it - you hug him, dropping your luggage on the floor, and he does the same, the hug soon turning into a kiss as you rub your hands on each other's body, as if you're trying to remember how every inch of the other feels like, as if you're both about to disappear.

But the airport worker clears her throat, and you break the kiss, looking at each other longingly.

"Don't say goodbye", you beg Roger, putting your hand on his lips as he opens his mouth.

"See you soon", he says between your fingers. You smile at him, grateful he found a way with words so you're not repeating the same old goodbyes.

"See you soon, Roger", you say, hugging him again for a few seconds, just trying to capture every detail - his smell, the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours.

And once he has to go into the jet, you go to the glass wall, and you can swear you see some familiar faces from the windows of the jet.

But before you can focus, soon Roger's well known face takes over the window you're watching, and he puts a hand on the glass.

You can't help but think about the last time you did that with him, him being on your place as you were inside the plane, moving to another country, your heart weighing down on you, filled with doubts.

But now your heart warmed you up, filled with joy and love, and you could feel Roger's crystal heart on top of your chest. He was right. There would be always a piece of him on you, too.

-

Epilogue: News of the World Launch Party

"Y/N! You're back!" Brian's voice welcomed you to the ballroom.

You squeezed Roger's hand - it was the first time you saw the band in years, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about it.

"Darling, you're really back! We thought Roger was getting high too often and hallucinated a week in Paris with you. But I guess you did come back to him", Freddie said, hugging you by the side as he held a glass of champagne on his other hand.

"I'm back with him only so I can see you all again, of course", you said, winking at Roger as he pretended to be offended.

But then you heard Deacy and Veronica scream your name in unison, and you turned to see them.

"So you're really back!!" Deacy said, but your eyes were on the baby boy on his lap.

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.", you said, trying to get his attention. Roger looked at you, adoringly, as you moved your eyes to Veronica.

"Ronnie!! You're so big!" you said, trying to hug her through her belly. "It's coming out in a few months! It's a boy, Michael. Someone our young Rob can play with", she said, and Roger frowned.

"I could swear it was a girl", he said, and John smiled. "Maybe next time", he said.

"Hey, Bob. Do you want to play with me? C'mon", you said, and he motioned to go to your arms. You picked him up as he started playing with your hair.

"You'd be a good mom, Y/N", Veronica said, and you got tense. "God, Ronnie, don't even joke about this", you said, and Roger chuckled. "It's a sensitive topic at the moment", he explained.

"The moment will take quite some time, you know", you told him, the youngest Deacon pulling your earring before playing with the crystal heart on your neck.

You talked to the boys and Veronica for a while, updating each other, but no one brought up how you and Roger got back together. It just felt natural - no need to question.

You stayed with Roger for the whole night - behind the cameras as he did press, by his side during dinner - where he was back at his old ways, teasing you lightly with his hand under the table. You felt good in his arms, getting back into his life.

He was interested in getting back into your life, too. He came back to London last night, and went straight to dinner with you. You were trying different food, and now was time to try Indian food.

As he ate his Chicken Tikka Masala, dipping the naan in the sauce, you invited him for a party your bosses would be throwing next month to celebrate a new exhibit.

He gave you a bright smile. "I'd love to be your date, my love", he said.

And after the Deacons went home - Robert was asleep on his father's lap - the party got louder, the dance floor more full. You could swear you saw an angular face that could only belong to Bowie pick someone to dance - was this Princess Leia? - but before you could process the whole situation, Roger pulled you to dance.

"Thought you didn't dance, Mr Taylor", you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tried to slow dance to All The Young Dudes, by Mott The Hoople.

"I don't dance very well, indeed. But it's just an excuse to be so close to you in public, and God, I'm dying to call you Ms Taylor", he said, and you chuckled.

"Take it slower, Rog", you told him, and he leaned in to rest his head on the curve of your neck. "And why do you want to be close to me in public? Is it still one of your weird fetishes?", you joked, and you felt him laugh against your skin.

"No, it's just that you've been killing me with this dress of yours, and you've been killing a lot of the guys here, too. Could swear I saw Bowie checking you out", he told you, and you gasped.

"Taylor, don't even joke about this. I'd have a heart attack", you said, and he laughed. "You'd leave me here for Bowie, is that it?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Of course not. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he might acknowledge my existence", you said, and it was his turn to laugh. "The only eyes I really like to feel on me when I look away are yours, Rog", you said, and he gave you a quick kiss.

"Okay, had enough of trying to dance. Let's get some fresh air", he told you, and you followed him to the balcony.

As the cold, fresh air brushed against your exposed skin, you heard the first notes to Tiny Dancer, by Elton John. You walked to the balcony, leaning in and taking in the view of London at night.

Roger soon took you into his arms, hugging you from behind, and you felt safe, his body heart making you warm in the cold evening as he jokingly whispered "Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man" into your ear, and you scoffed. "Slower, Taylor", you told him, and he laughed.

"However you want it, babe", he said, now paying attention to the view, focusing on the feeling on you in his arms again. Finally.

 But oh how it feels so real

Lying here with no one near

Only you and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

 "I could die right now, Y/N. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this type of happiness before. I'm just exactly where I want to be", Roger said in his husky voice, and you nodded lightly in agreement.

Because in Roger's arms, you feel home. You feel what you hoped to feel for years - what got you to move to London in the first place. You feel like you belong.

---

1988 Special

Taglist:

@taylorroger-s @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @its-nessi @anamcg317 @frenchieswiftie @queen-danielle-dani-dan @minihemo @shutup-sorry @theyrealllegends @killerqueenisthebest @ashagracelove @hardy-s @fuckinghurricanesoul @secretsweetscollectionblog @mrswinterhater @11mb0 @tamtam-go92 @derptatosaur @brianandthemays @phantom-fangirl-stuff @the-hysterical-queen @rogerofmylife @notevenlxvely @discodeakyy @x1975sos @16wiishes @jennycidesstuff @partydulce @melros-e @onevisionliz

[notsimplysusurrus]

So...I’m back on my bullshit, y’know, watching more documentaries about “father-daughter purity balls” and writing my feelings about them. 

But this time, they interviewed frat boys, which tbh was much better than I imagined it would be. They were surprisingly sex-positive? One guy straight up was like “too many people put sex up on a pedestal, but it shouldn’t be”. I agree random, frat boy. 

They have a chat with the despicable institutions known as “[crisis] pregnancy centres”. You don’t have to be a doctor/nurse to work there--only a “Bible-believing Xtian”. We love manipulating pregnant people into doing things they don’t want to do /s/. Moreover they, of course, offer abstinence-only sex education. 

Wowza, people seriously talking about religious guilt in regards to sex (and in general). And he’s still an Xtian yet not shitty! That’s not to say I dislike all xtians but rather to say ive had enough bad experiences with them to be cautious. Good for you, mate. He said that Xtianity dampens a person’s ability to express themselves sexually--even if they are married (as in his, personal experience but I believe it).  Xtian man strikes again, saying that saving yourself for marriage doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Again: good for you, mate.

An American Idol contestant is being interviewed on a radio show? She’s so pure uwu /s/. SHE SANG A SONG ABOUT PURITY. I fucking can’t. It’s called “Count Me Out” if you were wondering. This concept of “spiritual purity” after you’ve chosen to lose your virginity (and done so consensually) is so silly to me. 

Damn one (1) queen points out that “saving yourself for someone special” is shit when you get married to someone you later find out isn’t all that special. Then they provide a quote that says “Evangelical Christians have the highest divorce rate out of any social group in the United States” (source provided: The Barna Research Group). 

1996 - “The Silver Ring Thing” was founded

*TSRT is apparently a stupidass abstinence-only education program

*“gOd cReAtEd SeX aND MarRiaGE”

*“PRO VIRGINITY MUSIC AND SKITS” WHAT IS THIS? Every time I watch one of these videos, I feel more powerful as a non-married, non-virgin

*They claim “safe sex isn’t”....okay Karen AND the US Gov fucking aids in its funding im going to kms

*“Are you both virgins?”

“My religion is Catholic” --> this carries so much “I thought you were aMeRiCan” energy

*“a “women” [who they define as “women”] is supposed to bleed the first time they have sex” NOnoOnonononononnoNOoo. You might, but that’s not a given if you’re properly aroused STOP TEACHING YOUNG PEOPLE LIES

*This mans also claims, basically, that you’ll never bleed again after losing your virginity when you’re “supposed to” but that is NOT true--people with vaginas can bleed any time that penetration occurs. Again, it depends on how lubricated and/or aroused you are--not virginity (lube is your friend, trust me.)

*I’m going to punch him “spIriTUal HeALiNG maDe heR BLeEd on Her WedDinG niGhT”. NO, IT DIDN’T! She just wasn’t properly aroused and or lubricated (probably because your virgin so-called friend is ignorant asf). He also considers this “healing” IM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND

*...the story wasn’t really about his “friend”...it was about him...so he’s the dumbass here--USE FUCKING LUBE. ANd he shares this story with people???

2005 - ACLU sues TSRT bc it uses tax dollars to promote Xtianity 

2006 - TSRT refuses to change and loses federal funding 

Good for the ACLU. The US Gov is supposed to be secular (though it’s often not, and I recognise that). 

Dr. Douglas Kirby “The Grandfather of Sex Education” appeareth and local fucker compares safe sex to drunk driving while wearing a seatbelt and smoking filtered ciggies. More at six. Dr. DK throws down about the merits of comprehensive sexual education.

Aforementioned fucker claims that his “research” on condoms revealed that they’re “not effective” (when used properly, they most definitely are btw--in regards both to pregnancy prevention and preventing STDs). 

“When you’re using a condom you’re having unsafe sex. When you’re [practising] abstinence, you’re having safe sex.” -aforementioned fucker

Journal of Religion and Society (2005): “Higher rates of a belief in a Creator correlate with higher rates of STDs, teen pregnancy, and abortion. 

A woman who had an abortion (unknowingly) makes the case that religious guilt often makes people feel bad about having an abortion. Also, her ex-boyfriend was a real wanker, so I wish Penny the best. 

Annnd some of the frat boys end up being expectedly shitty later on -.- “no woman with my baby is getting an abortion”. Go fuck yourself. 

Aforementioned fucker doesn’t believe there ought to be exceptions for abortions in the case of rape or incest. I’m...disappointed but not surprised.

Abortions used to be covered by Medicaid?? Why is the US so good at going back on decent decisions and being an asshole, instead? And the feminist writer who points this out is a whole ass comrade, talking about how the poor are being especially fucked over by anti-abortion legislation. 

Dr. Claire Brindis points out that the “pro-life” movement is really hypocritical because it doesn’t support government programs that would aid poor, single mothers they so desperately want to keep from having abortions. 

Ffs Teddy is complaining about being sleepy and ready to go to bed, so idk if we can finish this tonight. There’s less than 30 minutes left though! Maybe I can bribe him.

Dr. CB - some women tell me “the only way I could get out of a gang was by getting pregnant” oh deer, oh my. But also...that’s probably not the best environment for a child. DR. CB also says that CSA can cause [afab people] to engage in/want relationships with older men...so that explains a lot about me.

The United States has the highest rape rate among countries that repost such statistics - 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan. 

Yikes, yikes, yikes. Feminist writer woman is back with straight facts: “age-appropriate sex education starting in kindergarten can protect children from sexual abuse bc if you’re not talking to [them] about what parts are private, [they aren’t able to tell an adult that they’re being abused because they don’t always realise what’s happening is abuse].” 

Random aside: there is a stripper talking about how she was raised Catholic and now teaches pole dancing, and she’s...very talented. 10/10 do support. you go, gurl.  

95% of young people have sex before marriage acc. to Dr. Douglas Kirby

Okay, the woman who teaches pole dancing is a straight queen, talking about how she wants her daughter to have safe sex if she’s going to with a guy or a girl, and I love this woman. Aforementioned fucker, on the other hand, says that he wouldn’t tell his daughter to use a condom bc it “wouldn’t protect her”. Again...incredibly disappointed but still not surprised. 

My ex-stripper QUEEN SAID “MY FATHER DOES NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER MY PUSSY” What a goddamn queen?! Gods and she says that this whole purity ball bullshit is about male power. Be my friend. Realise how powerful you are! I love her. 

Awww in the post-credit scenes, it says that the girl who I talked about having had an abortion feels much better about her decision now. Good for her!

Anyway, @ntis this is why not educating children and teens about sex is super no bueno. 

[viiavi]

Get to know me tag

3 more traits to add to the 3 that’s been on my profile for a long time now.

I was tagged by @galaxysuede​. Thank you!! ♥

I tag @ceechalla, @vvildhoneypie, @bloomlet, @naelu, @keysims, @shellywellylove, @nolan-sims, @a-kind-red, @simxiety, @frostsims21, @racingllama, @foursims and whoever else is interested!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jay

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Still Jay, lol

3. BIRTHDAY? Summer baby

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I don’t read as much as I used to, but growing up, I was a huge Goosebumps fan. Now, I’m waiting for the next book in the Song of Ice and Fire series

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Yes!

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Now, idk. But as a child, I loved Mary Downing Hahn.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION?  I don’t have a favorite radio station, but I really enjoy 96.5 with Delilah because I’m an old fart

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Coffee.

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? "Evan Finds the Third Room” by Khruangbin

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Bamboozled.

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Shades of Man by Khruangbin

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Parks & Rec is good, Breaking Bad, The Good Place.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Yes! Not as much as I used to though

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Failure and loneliness

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I’m a problem solver.

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I lack patience

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Dogs 100%

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Spring

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Yes!

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Peace of mind/less responsibilities.

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? My boyfriend

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Dark brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? My family, my boyfriend, my friends and my dogs

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Boyfriend, again. He is the only person I can truly be myself with

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? See above. Also, my family and my dogs.

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Yes! I’m excited for a trip I’m going to soon!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Coffee and video games

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Sailor Moon, Are you Afraid of the Dark, All That

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? I think we already know this... starts with a B, ends with a D

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? I would like to say no, but I am

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Not really... all of mine are pretty common

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Both!

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Gardening

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? I don’t remember. I think a documentary about fragrances

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Violin

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Orangutans

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? Look at my blogroll for that.

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? I would love telekinesis/telepathy. Or, the power to materialize anything you desire

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? By the ocean, or when I’m gardening

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? I appreciate the small things in life, so I smile to a lot of things, and would be too tedious to list

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Tennis

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Water, all the way.

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? A month ago?

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Yes!

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Passive aggressiveness, though I am guilty of it myself sometimes

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? Yes! The latest one I went to was Journey’s with my Madre

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? No, I have to force myself to eat most veggies

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? A scientist

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? Gonna go with Harry Potter world for this

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Finances and health.

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I’m a little embarrassed to admit that yes, I still am.

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? Yes! No one is saying I’m good at it though, lmao

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? Once, maybe? Idk, I actually liked school

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? The beach!

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? A little town by the sea

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Yup, I have 3 dogs

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? For a long time, I considered myself a night owl, but now that I’m older, I think I’m leaning more towards early bird

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunrises! I love walking on crisp mornings with the sun just starting to peak through the horizon

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Yes! And I must say, it is BORING AF

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Headphones! Earbuds never stay in my ear

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Yes, for four years

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? Not sure

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? My mom! She is the most patient, caring, emphatic, talented and hard working person that I know. I strive to one day be as good of a person as her

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? I used to. Me, Garfield and Archie Comics go way back

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? Intolerance

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? The real thing. Reading on a electronic device all day makes my head hurt

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English and Microbiology

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? I have an older sister and brother

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A foot massager for my mom

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 160cm

75. CAN YOU COOK? Yes! But I don’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Coffee, bouganvilleas, and bear hugs

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? People who litter, broken promises, and when people don’t give me a sufficient amount of time to do/prepare for something

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? Nowadays, I have more male friends

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? The US.

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My sister

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday, while watching a documentary, lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? Laura from Garden Answers, lol

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? Nope.

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? The calculator app, lol

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I’m definitely closer to my mother than I am to my father. My dad and I have had a strained relationship while I was growing up, but now that I’m out of the house, our relationship has gotten better.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? I love the Creole accent

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Too many places

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 4 and 47

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I can juggle one ball

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Not really. But as I’ve gotten older, I feel a little bit more religious than I was before

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? That’s a tough question, and definitely not one I can choose between. Both are really interesting

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? Eh, sometimes

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Dog dander

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? No

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Only when I also move my entire face

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Certainly not an easy thing to do, but I admit that I’m wrong most of the time

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? I love both! But I’m drawn to large bodies of water

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? It’s on the tip of my tongue... tip of my tongue 😕

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I don’t think so, lol

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Hufflepuff

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Yes, and I’m not afraid to admit it

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? I’m an introvert, but can be an extrovert when liquid courage is around

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I used to

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Yes, wholeheartedly

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Pick it up, look around, call out and probably mail it back to the person who lost it

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes! Everyone is capable of change. Though the rate of growth varies greatly from individual to individual, so the amount of change you may hope to see is often not what you get. Giving people second chances and wanting to grow takes a lot of time and patience.

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Certainly

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yes, and I hate them

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? My ears

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Let’s go with Captain America with this one, idk

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Yes, I have 2!

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Cutting toxic people from my life

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Yes, definitely

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? I do, though, my simself aint wearing any

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Absolutely

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My boyfriend is one of the smartest people I know

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? I took my dog to the groomer’s and she asked for my dog’s name, and brain kept glitching and making my mouth say “Boner”

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? Who hasn’t?

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? YES!! I love spontaneity

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? I don’t think so

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 31

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one” - Bruce Lee

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Savory.

[medschoolash]

Have you seen the MJ doc? Leaving Neverland? If so, do you believe them? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I've just seen so many opinions on it and would like your take. Something I personally can't get passed is the 10 year FBI investigation that found no proof. But is that just a blinded fan talking?idk.

No I haven’t seen the MJ documentary yet. I’ve heard different things about it from social media and friends and family but I haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.  I plan to watch it with an open mind but I’m still not quite sure how to feel about MJ. I haven’t known how to feel about him for a long time. I think hardcore MJ stans are interesting because they gloss over a lot of his glaring personal issues as if they were non existent and it’s ridiculous of question him. I mean many of them can’t even admit that he had an issue with his blackness and paint him as the ultimate “pro-black” man like he didn’t marry strictly white woman and didn’t purposely create children with non-black women. So for me as much as I want to believe their hardcore defense of MJ I can’t trust their judgement to not be skewed heavily in his favor no matter what potential evidence might be against him. And ultimately when it comes to a topic like this I’m just not willing to place my entire opinion in the hands of biased individuals. Child sexual abuse is a topic I just will not ever budge on or take lightly. Most children don’t make abuse up unless carefully groomed and prompted to do so, so when they speak I listen with the intention of believing them. Even if those abuse claims involve the biggest pop star to ever walk the planet.

As much as I adored him when it comes to MJ it’s hard to process my thoughts on him into a firm opinion because their are so many conflicting ideas and stories out there. From my understanding it was discovered that one of the children from the original case was prompted to lie by his parents. There is also the fact that he was acquitted of the charges way back then to consider but I still have issues with MJ that I can’t just gloss over and they lend some credibility to the idea that he had an unhealthy fixation on children that very well could have turned sexual in nature. 

Let’s say the accusations are all completely false, based on stories from several young boys at the very least MJ had a very inappropriate fixation and relationship with children as an adult, particularly male children. There had to have been some deep psychological problem that would make an adult man fixate on young boys the way he did and no the “he just really loved children” defense doesn’t fly. He seemed to have a very particular type and age range of child that he wanted to be around. This preference for young emotionally vulnerable boys is alarming to say the least and even the people who have come out to dispel the rumors don’t paint him in a better light.  I recently re read Macauley Culkin’s interview from years ago about testifying on MJs behalf and I believe him when he says that he was never molested by MJ but there are so many red flags and unanswered questions in his interview. He vividly describes being at MJs house constantly, being picked up from hotels, holding phone conversations for HOURS with him, being at his home and spending the night and sharing his bed until he was basically a pre-teen, vacationing with him, etc. What adult behaves this way with children? how does this behavior not make it easy to believe that maybe just maybe MJ did more to other kids than we want to believe? why fixate on children? Something else that struck me about that interview is that his younger brother was also constantly with MJ but he never speaks on his time there or his feelings about the allegations. I find that odd and possibly alarming. 

Many MJ defenders say he was a child in his mind and felt connected to children but why only male children? I have yet to hear about him having close friendships with female children. Also....let’s say he did truly believe in his mind that he was a child, why is it outside the realm of possibility that he felt that exploring sexual acts with children was okay because he too was a child? Children do explore sexuality at very young ages, whether it’s innocent kisses on the play ground, playing “mommy and daddy”, or even simulating sex with each other out of curiosity it happens. If he was so mentally disturbed that he was convinced that he was a child and surrounded himself with children then who’s to say that this exploration never happened like the accusers are saying it did? 

There is also this idea that just because he didn’t molest some children that came to his house it’s impossible that he could have molested the ones accusing him. Unfortunately in my family their is a pedophile, a sick disgusting pedophile that had constant access to several young family members when I was growing up. I was never molested or abused, but several others were. Just because he didn’t chose me doesn’t mean he didn’t chose anyone to abuse. Abusers are strategic and discriminatory. So the idea that “well this person says it never happened and it was always innocent so clearly they are lying” is just a way to gaslight victims and make them believe that their abuse never happened. Also, he could have had 100s of children in and out of his home and if he touched just ONE sexually it doesn’t matter how many others he didn’t touch, one is enough

As far as your feelings on the FBI investigation.... His defenders bring that up a lot but I have to ask what type of proof was the FBI supposed to find during an investigation outside of video evidence and DNA? Clearly MJ wasn’t R Kelly. If he did abuse children he wasn’t recording videos or keeping trophies. If it wasn’t for new video evidence R Kelly would still be walking around a free man because there was no proof of him abusing all those woman besides their testimony and the testimony of other people who could corroborate their accounts of what happened. Most children who are victims of abuse can’t hand over proof of what happened. How do you prove that a child was taken into a room and sexually abused with anything besides video and DNA evidence that can only be collected soon after the crime occurred and if the clothing and bedding wasn’t cleaned or thrown away? What was this FBI investigation supposed to find in the 10 years they “investigated” him to corroborate these stories besides footage or images? Basically what I’m saying is that there being no proof is not a get out of jail free card for MJ when you’re dealing with child sexual abuse. The only proof you’ll ever really get is the testimony of the abused, whether it be them revealing it to the police, family, etc. History has shown that not even VIDEO evidence is enough proof in some cases.

Basically at this point I want to believe that MJ was just a deeply psychologically disturbed person because of his experiences as a child prodigy who dissociated into a child like state to cope, but I see too many red flags to just accept that as fact without challenging because their are too many things that suggest that it could have been more than that. 

I hope this answer was decent enough for you. 

[gg-astrology]

💘💫🌙☀️ Tag Games 🌙💫☀️💘

Thank you so much  @kai-tashi for thinkin of me and tagging me in the post ;; 💕💕 I feel like I got to know u better thru this as well!! 💕💕

5 things in my bag

Sunglasses - sometimes I have 3 pairs in my bag just so I can match it with my ootd 💕

Wallet/Purse -- it’s a gold shiny one so I use it as a mirror as well ksdjnfjk it also has all my keys attached to it! 💕

Rollerball perfumes - I have mini ones just incase im in a dash (i usually am) i can grab them real quick and roll some on my wrist, shirt, dress, face, neck etc 💕 My essential is that I’m sensitive to scents/smells and I gotta be the best smelling person in the room at all times otherwise I feel whack (I don’t like not being clean either ijnskn makes me feel some typa way) 💕

Lip tint/stick- I have like 5 of these in my bag, I can’t stand not having anything on my lips. If it’s one thing I gotta have, it’s colours on my lips (not even bright ones just colours). Also because I like mixing colours tgt... I sometimes dab them on as blush or eyeshadow if I want a little more cohesive color scheme on my face? I like rose pink matte colours, soft feels 💕💕

Eye drops -- my eyes are dry as hell so I make sure to get them well lubricated all the time 💕 My left eye get irritated really easily

5 things you’ll find in my room (apart from my bed, wardrobe, mirror)

Books - so many books, I have 2 full bookshelves (double stacked) and I still have cabinets downstairs displaying by other books as well. I really need to reorganize cause I horde them alot 💕

My old painting/art-work - I frame them and keep them displayed, or hang my canvases. Some of them are kinda big tho so I just... place them against the wall and stack them like that ksjndf 💕

Hella Skin-care - I have a little make-up/skin-care corner where I’m actually managing to organize them with tiny bins and organization drawers. I keep my hair curlers and straighteners, my contact lenses and stuff in my vanity as well 💕 

Lots of pillows/stuffed animals + 2m tall teddy bear - I don’t know why?? I just horde them on my bed? Along with a the teddy that I finally got last christmas. I named him bebito and he’s low-key a make shift bean bag for me to sit on sometimes ksdjn 💕All the dolls I bought when I’m with people or was feeling some type of ways, so there’s memories associated to them 💕 

Clothes - I am overflowing with clothes. Constantly my laundry bin is stocked full and I feel like I’m doing so much laundry even though I dress like?? once a day?? I like layering my looks tho so maybe that’s why?? 

5 of my favourite things

Kitties - I lov them :((( 💕💕 I love other people’s pets as well

Documentary videos - no lie it gets me to relax/spend time decompressing just by watching them 

My friends - I wouldn’t be who i am without them :(( 💕They are so good and caring and even tho I’m terrible at keeping in-check constantly they make sure not to pressure me bc I really am busy a lot of the time 💕 

My emotional support teddy bear -- my favourite, oldest one whom I can’t sleep without. I once travelled and forgot her at home so i called my roommate up at 6am and made him check my bed for me in case she’s there (and not like, lost at the airport0 💕 

My family - my understanding of camaraderie is being with the people in my private space/house and my neighbours too. Makes me feel like?? 💕 i’m a part of the community and keeps me happy most of the time 💕 

5 things I’m currently into

True Crime Documentaries -- listen,,, when I said i love documentaries/autobiographies and non fictions i wasn’t kidding lmao this is how i get my dose of history daily, and some of the recent ones? i want to hear about new evidence about things too  

App games - im super late to most of them but goddamn I love playing on apps when i know I have a charger nearby. 💕 

Exercising -  when I’m stressed/need to decompress this is my go-to. It’s a sure fire way to get me to relax and also feel better later. I’m an avid water-drinker anyways, so sweating it off comes with the territory (and i love showering like it’s my favourite thing to do i can’t stand not showering I’d probably take 3 showers a day if I could) 💕

Twt Aus - listen,,,, i can’t help it. I love how creative and imaginative they are?? 💕 And i love visual stuff. Like if it’s not auditory then it’s visual. When people send me their placements and aspects and I have to read them I’m always getting a bit of whiplash @_@... I jus do a lot better when I can see what’s happening y know? 💕

Reading more e-books - I used to not have time to do this,,, but I feel like I’ve been wanting to read more and more short pieces so I look for books that are like.. 100-300 pages and get through them at night instead 💕 I feel good about it too 💕 Since I can just keep them with me 💕💕 But idk I still like physical copies a lot as well..  

5 things on my To-Do list

Get my phone fixed/get a new phone --- i might have fucked up my phone to the point where I can’t use the touch screen anymore just now whoops 

Start taking more routine walks outside - I always walk when it’s necessary (to pick up some stuff) but I want to take more walks for health? I used to run alot as well but I haven’t done that in ?? a year?? so I want to get back in the groove soon (I’ll start walking tomorrow) 💕

Try to lessen my sister’s load - right now I’m cooking for everyone but I feel like if I drive to pick the kids up too, or do more little things for my sister I’ll feel better as well 💕 I want to try taking on more responsibilities, helping people with more stuff in my private sphere 💕

Ah open a new bank account -  I haven’t got time to make one with the bank I wanted yet, so I gotta remember to do that. 💕 It’s just a little to-do list I gotta remember

Pick up a new body scrub -  the one I’m using is too abrasive so I have to pick up ones that are more moisturizing/softer on my skin :(

Anyone else who’d like to do this please feel free to do so and tag me! 💕 But I’ll also tag @harunaneko44 | @bono-boox-heart | @circumsteterunt | @rkkive | @kvrdelen | @vanteslens | @myblurryreality | @lija29 | @mundodeakyra | @lightofmyseoul  as well 💕 If you don’t have time/don’t want to do it no worries don’t ever feel bad for not doing tags lmao? 💕 But yes! 💕 Here I am! 💕