#idk i wasn't quite feeling it this week? maybe it is simply The Depression but something just felt kinda off

[keepthetension]

i actually gave up earlier because yt was so laggy, but there was one more missing bit in part 4, prem walking to the cafe where he finds ten sleeping

i don't know why it was cut, because it's nice to see just how affected prem is by their big moment the previous night

and i like that dy is calling prem because dy needs support, but he's immediately concerned as soon as prem says he's not doing okay. i like how these pals support each other! (really wish we'd seen metha and ten giving fire the support he needed this episode, but you can't have everything i guess)

unrelated: anyone else fighting for their lives on yt lately? on firefox with adblock plus and HOLY SHIT it's SO FUCKING BUGGY and the algo recommends SO MUCH MORE unfiltered hot garbage :/

<prev ep 07 missing bit 💚

[levbolton]

It is I, anon from earlier today and I can now in confidence tell you that your fics have broken me down into nothingness.

Not only am I stupid and cannot read tags but I repeatedly let myself be comforted by your writing only to be hit with the sad truth at the end. You can’t keep getting away with this /j .Your style is so unique and I can feel the passion you have for the characters as you can see their inner turmoils on the writings. I love how you bring them to life

My personal favourite is Monologue (which is highly underrated btw). I love the dynamic between Fumi and Maki plus Fumi talking about her day made me smile so much. Then cane the gut wrenching feeling about Maki. Honestly you managed to balance the fluff with the angst out so well and I really adored it.

To conclude this annoying fan’s rambling, you are my favourite blue period writer and such a great storyteller. I know how you’ve stated that the fandom is quite inactive (cause it is) but your presence manages to be so outstanding to me. I don’t know why I was too nervous to follow now but I might as well write my letter of appreciation so it can be covered by the bots.

I hope you are able to continue doing what you love and have a great rest of day. 🙃

thanks op, kinda figured bcs i have emails from ao3 and your usernames match

personally 'monologue' is quite the lackluster for me, i wanted to use the concept, i think i wanted to make it about ytyt with yotasuke that would tell yatora about the summer festival only to reveal at the end that yatora was unconscious the whole time so yotasuke wasn't talking with anyone, i got the idea while working on 'a psychological take' (where i wrote already a summer festival so it felt unnecessary to do it again) and at the same time i wanted to write fumimaki (bcs there's literally nothing for this married couple, almost canon i'd say, more canon than ytyt), so i combined both, i was still in a phase where i wanted to kill all characters and make them suffer which i think i did a lot and now i just want to write them relax and be happy (writing depression is hard), so it's not really that original inside my head, but im glad at least someone else likes it (for me billy of tea was way more fun to think about)

tbh i've been thinking about moving on from blp for quite a few months already but i simply can't find something else to interest me the same way ytyt does, which sucks bcs if i don't write then no one will write stuff, rn i want to finish this fic i'm sorking on (i hope i get to 100k), then a oneshot about ytyt soulmates and another oneshot about miki and ayano only, then idk, i think it would be good to retire (not to be petty actually, but i did write 40% of the words in the yatoyota tag on ao3)

fandom isn't really only inactive, it is now a bit (i continuously try to collect blp fans here and on twt, the more the merrier), but i just felt ignored since the anime was airing, again maybe it was the bad timing bcs i started posting my first fic towards the end of the anime when people lost the interest bcs that adaptation is horrible, then in february yamaguchi had covid and from march to july it was complete hiatus and then the whole dj drama (which i'd lie if i said the mob mentality to drop it didn't affect me too although i was the one to uncover the doujinshis on my own weeks before it got to twitter, anyway my idea was: this isn't a piece of media i care about and i am already deeply in love with blue period so whatever, my respect for yamaguchi decreased and i got a passive aggressive attitude towards her until she posted the new year ytyt picture with bunnies this january, now i seriously don't care abt whatever else she drew - also damn i'm really side railing with this)

thanks again for your support, sorry for the long unnecessary text lmao, i have too much free time

[ocean-anchored]

Continued... Nov 13, 23

Otherwise yah idk. I've been doing better at least. I got in a very dark depression for a couple weeks, before my birthday - well almost all of October honestly. Didn't want to get out of bed, could barley get myself to get Nova out, wasn't responding to anyone, couldn't stop crying. October was really bad. Like, probably one of the most emotional ones I've had in several years. I really do think I want to leave the city next year and just go be with myself, idk. We'll see, maybe I'll invite Amber. It's been a rough several months. Honestly that whole relationship with Zack I wish I didn't want to regret it because as always, I learned alot, a lot of bad and a lot of good and it recentered me to how badly I need to refocus on myself & my relationship with God and that I simply can't & don't want to go into another relationship again that's going to be taking away from all that. I really need to learn balance and stop putting the other person as my center where I revolve my life around them. I really learned a lot of my own issues and things I need to work on which is great but man was it just an emotionally draining, exhausting several months of just fighting and toxic behavior. I'm glad to be done with that & ready to invest back into myself and my relationships. I miss who I was at the start of this year. I feel like I lost a lot of that progress and a lot of my "priorities" in a way & I was to get back to focusing on that the rest of this year going into the next. This year went by so fast. I'm really sad that as much as I did do a lot this summer and did some fun stuff, I feel like I alot lost a lot because i was so focused on Zack, I missed out on a lot of things that would have made me happy, like car shows and hiking etc. I'm slowly getting back into a better place. I still have my days & my moments that really hurt. I'm still trying to be gentle with myself and give myself the time to recoup. I understand burn out and that I really did push myself to my limits this year with how much I took on in all areas, I did go through a lot & I know it's taking time for my body, soul & mind to get realigned again and in a good place but I'm making progress. I think that's it, I wish I recapped on my weeks like I was doing, even though I have everything written down in my phone calendar of everything I've been doing, I wish I was still writing out my weeks or every few weeks to go over things because I miss going back & reading about them and remembering those times & how I was feeling in those moments. then again, the last while has been quite sad and depressing so I probably wouldn't want to read back on those days, I can already still feel it in my heart, the heaviness. Well, I'll get back into in moving forward, hopefully stick to my weekly updates for the rest of the year so I can remember the good things that are coming up again. I also really want to get back into that shadow work again and dig deeper again, I miss that. I'm trying to get back into reading as well because I also miss that. Baby steps. I'm slowly getting there and the desire of these things are at least here, it's just getting to a place of feeling good enough to act on them again. I'm still a little sad, but I'm ok.