#idk i still suck ass la you can probably tell i am still incredibly what the fuck about it all

[corpsentry]

do u have any tips on how to start drawing and get better?

hi anon! to be completely honest i have no idea what the fuck i’m doing but my single most earnest piece of advice is to draw. do it. draw. don’t think, don’t stress, don’t exhibit self doubt-- draw.

here’s a list of things that aren’t worth thinking about: - how good everyone around you is - how other people will see your art - your current skill level - what you know you are capable of accomplishing and what you believe you are not - how hard the thing you want to draw is - how impossible it is to create - how you cannot do anything - how you are incredibly new to this and therefore incapable of creating something incredible - how many bodies there are left

drawing is a process, a habit, a mindset, a physical motion, a heartfelt emotion, drawing is: many things. but thinking about drawing isn’t and never will be, like, Drawing.

ok i know i sound like i’m high as fuck so i’m going to contextualize this now dab. i have been scared of backgrounds for my whole life. my entire life. all of my 19 years i have been bitter and resentful and dumb. then at the start of december i decided to challenge myself to do a 15 minute photo study every day because i was tired of being scared shitless of backgrounds and now everything has changed by taylor swift feat. ed sheeran. this worked because 15 minutes isn’t very long and therefore isn’t that intimidating but also because i was forced by my own word to put in consistent work over a fixed period of time. this also worked because i made a firm decision to only use the photographs that the momentum browser extension displays on your new tab screen every day which means i had a choice between exactly two photographs every day (firefox or chrome?) and was forced to confront some of my demons instead of looking for an easy way out. finally, and most importantly, when i sat down each day with my photo reference i didn’t let myself think about how fucked up this photo was. i didn’t let myself think about how completely fucking impossible it was for me to recreate this batshit insane image. i smashed the start timer button before i could get nervous and shut my brain off and focused all my energy on making the canvas look like the photograph and somehow over the course of 26 days my body and brain and soul (???? if i have one) figured something out.

here’s december 7th

here’s december 24th

december 15th

december 26th

december 12th

december 23rd

and then on december 24th i was like i want to try doing something different. i want to draw something from my favorite video game and current obsession the legend of zelda breath of the wild. and so i took a moment away from redrawing scenery and tried to do something different and serious and to my complete fucking surprise it didn’t turn out a disaster. it turned into this

i wouldn’t have been able to do this if i hadn’t done twenty-four shitty 15 minute photo studies before that. i wouldn’t have been able to pick colors, render shapes, account for lighting, et cetera, et cetera, because i only learned about how the shape of your lines and the direction of your movement and the different colors you use can affect a drawing by suffering through making some really shitty choices earlier on in the month. i wouldn’t have dared to try this at all if i hadn’t been fucking around for three weeks before that, getting my ass handed to me every day for no good reason other than that i was mad and tired and tired of being mad. i wouldn’t have thought i could draw backgrounds at all.

obviously i still have a lot of work to do as i’ve only been at this for a month (people are another matter and i do not wish to perceive them) and i have zero technical advice to give because i have never taken a formal art course in my life but i do have something to say and it’s this: if you want to draw, draw. don’t give up. don’t give in to the fear and mindset that you’ll never be able to do something. you can start with fuckall knowledge of how to pick colors, use lighting, draw water, whatever, and figure them all out eventually. you can start out shit and become not-shit. what you need to do is keep drawing, and keep drawing, and keep drawing.

[migleefulmoments]

One of my fave Disney Princess stories is how she often implied that one of her 3 male LGBTQ+ actor ROOMMATES in LA is Oliver Stark. She said her roomie was a regular on 9-1-1 (dating back to s1) who was in every episode, was young (25-35), hot and unmarried. Oliver is the only guy that meets her stated criteria. Since she also said 2/3 of her LGBTQ+ roomies are closeted (and the 3rd is out), what's she implying about Oliver? Who outs close friends? It'd be horrifying, if it wasn't ALL LIES.

I’m just looking through some posts and found a bunch referring to her roommates as “L” and “A” -no mention of the 3rd one but I know she has claimed 3 in the past. I found this post about “L” calling her baby and clearly flirting so IDK what she is claiming with this. 

She says she is staying in the mansion of the wealthy roommate so here we have mention of the hot gardener (as an aside, how many WalMart and Sam’s club stores are there in 90210-ok I looked the nearest Sam’s club is almost 40 actual miles which in LA is 3000 miles; WalMart is only 10 miles. I used “90210″ so super generic and I’m not sure that is where she claimed she lived- but the rich dude who owns the huge home and drives a BMW SUV he freely let’s random model/actor/influencers use isn’t driving 40 miles to Sam’s Club to save on chicken salad.) 

La chronicles: I was tricked.

L: baby, I’m running to the store, wanna go?

Me: nope I’m staying here and salivate over this fan fiction and the gardener…. Whichever goes shirtless first.

A: *barks out a laugh* don’t molest the gardener.

Me: who me?

L: come on baby..

Me: noooooo. Sex and intrigue.

A: *Snorts*

L: I’m going to that little organic place you love…..

Me: chicken salad????? With the sprouts.?????

L: yep yep.

Me: okay!!.

A: have fun

Me: *running out the door shouts back* tell me if he gets nnnneeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiidddddddddd

L: BABY!!!

Me: what? He knows he is hot….

………….……….……..

(Thirty minutes later.)

Me: the fuck is this?

L: I said I needed to go to the store….

Me: no oo you said organic grocery…

L: yeah and I’ll get your chicken salad after we stock up.

Me…………..

Me……….

Me: but that’s sams

L: pretty and brains

Me: but but ….. only place worse to be on Saturday is hell mart!!!! I don’t wanna go in there..its gonna take forever

L: suck it up buttercup

Me: I was fucking tricked.

L: lead by the tummy…….

More about “L” who is apparently famous enough to have fanfiction about himself which he can readily find.  .  

Watching Nomie

Youd be surprised who visits tumble land.

L loves reading fan fiction about himself (he says he gets more game online than he ever does in real life) and tumbler. 😂🤣🤣😂😂😂. He has a ridiculous fascination sharing gifs of himself. he’s a goober. They crack him up.

Below is her post about how she was bearding and had to hide “A” -is he her  boyfriend of husband now she is hiding him along with her kids. Her kids were never living in CA that I ever read.  They were in South Carolina she occasionally talked about being separated from her teenage kids but that it was her time now and her career was important. She would write about being in LA most of the time-cryptic parties and work posts- and going back and forth to SC though she rarely posted from SC- except during one of the hurricanes.

Anonymous asked:

Hmmm ok I'm slightly intrigued maybe u do get it But most probably you don't Have you ever given up and gave away something you shouldn't have because you thought it was for the best and that guilt just fucking eats away at you every day I have lied to everyone even my family to hide something I didn't even know about The work was more important and I would have sold my soul to get what I wanted I just don't know now if any of it was worth it and tbh I don't think the big guys even think it

answered: Yeah.

I had to hide my kids for two years when I first got back heavily into modeling and switching back to acting. Was also bearding. Because I look so much younger than I am, they were afraid it would show negatively work wise. Also they didnt want questions about A and the minis. (I’m still cast as characters ten years younger than the actress that usually plays my mother. Its the cheeks and the voice).

One day I fucked up and mentioned my kids and it got in print when they were talking about fashion week. A was cool about it. But it resulted in a huge move for the minis and the whole family had to adjust. Mine and his.

There are other times I purposely fuck up. Because you just get sick of juggling. Other times its an honest mistake and then you deal with the shit and move on.

So now she and “A” have minis (kids) and they had to move. I’m not sure what the hell she is trying to spin here but clearly he isn’t the platonic roommate hanging out in LA. 

I found posts tonight where she claimed she has two friends in Hollywood who are gay and came out and one friend who slammed the closet door so hard it shook after he got an important role. 

I had no idea about Oliver- good sleuthing. 

She claims she’s pan and that gives her permission to say rude and misogynistic things 

Anonymous asked:

Who is gonna tell Darr/en he looks like M/ia's "best gay" in most of the pictures of them together where they are supposed to look in love? Especially the ones from last night lol

Just ya typical queer (I’m pan so imma say that). With his beardy.

Or hag. Whatever term ya wanna use.(X)

She HATED MIa...called her Amelia and wrote incredibly offensive-downright hateful-posts about Mia under the pseudonym The Ghost- who just happened to call her Amelia. Anons would ask Disneyprincess question for The Ghost and Disney would either answer them on The Ghosts behalf or claim she would relay the message/ask The Ghost. Yeah right. She even wrote fanfiction under that pseudonym. It was super bad -sentence structure, plot development, and character development were all grossly missing. It was basically BWP (bullying without plot). The stories are gone now- I have scoured the web looking for them.  I could kick myself for not saving some of them...if anyone has one, I'd love to see it.  The plot line of one was Mia ordering Darren around her office telling him she had complete control over him while he coward in front of her.  Darren meekly declared he would win in the end, but Mia just kept ordering him around. 

These are kinds of posts who would make about Hollywood -keep in mind there was nothing before this post that make it understandable- I'm not exaggerating when I say this was typical: 

Nomie party

You did????? When? Was I annoyingly perky or in professional mode??

That’s freaking awesome. We must have lunch.

Didn’t post the ask cause that was too many details on that party. 😂😂 already been in trouble thanks.

Glad I’m not the only one that thought he is an ass.

Anonymous asked: (X)

When did you see them out? Details

Can’t really say where I was as it included what I was doing and with whom. But it was here after the first of the year

I already posted this but it bears repeating- she, like Abby, won’t give away all their secrets aka they won’t give specifics (X)

Anonymous asked: 

there is evidence of Wll and aash kissing in the clubbbb?!!!!!!!

That I can’t tell you. I know I’ve never taken a picture cause why would I? but I mean folks do snap pictures when folks are out and folks get things in background photos that people prefer not be seen publicly.

However I will say if you do some digging, there are a lot more cuddled up w/a pictures out there. One just needs to have the time and be invested enough to look.

[survivorathena-motunui]

Rites of Passage

It is time for the Rites of Passage. Take this time to reflect on your journey in this game as well as the people who left for you four to be where you are now. Please play the audio and enjoy your experience. 

Jay

You seemed nice enough the three times we PMed.

Keegan

Zach You sort of disappeared as soon as the game began so we didn't get to talk at all. I wish you the best in your future endeavors!

I had a good time in the game while I was there, and I have no bad feelings towards anyone. I wish I could've done most of the Bahamas alumni proud, but I'm glad I got the chance to come back. <3

Ashley

Who?

Jack

Don't really remember you, but um... you voted for me so that's cool. 

Keegan

We were never on the same tribe, so I didn't get the chance to know you at all but I heard you were a lovely bean!

None of you could ever be as iconic as me. I left when i wanted to. The rest of y'all got your games ended by each other. Wanted to vote me out? Too late, i'm 5 steps ahead  of you and i snuffed my own torch and very much enjoyed my Bahamas Cruise. Jk i love you guys and as always, stay shook! 

Ashley

Honestly you seemed super cool, you are hilarious and I loved that you were into musicals as much as Alex and I. It sucks we didn't get to talk more and get to play much, hopefully we can again soon!

Jack

I probably would've been voted out if you hadn't left so I love you even tho idk you.

Jay

We didn't get to play together but you know you're my son and I love you so many and I wish we'd had a chance to kill people together :/ robbt

Keegan

Much the same as Madison, I never got the chance to know you. Hope you do well in future games! 

My time in the game was amazing and I'm really upset that it was cut short by real life problems. I feel like I was doing really well and had some stable relationships with different people. I will always regret leaving this game and hope to play again sometime in the future

Ashley

Kinda the same situation as with Ben, you seemed super nice! Hope we can actually play together again. 

Keegan

Kai! My OG Number 1! Right from the very first few days we had a pact to make it to the end together. We shared reef clues and everything. You were my ride or die and I was so sad to see you leave, I hope everything is okay!

I still have yet to survive a single tribal council in this series, but I still feel like I didn't completely waste my second chance. at least I had fun

Ashley

Your vote was tough for me. I felt as though I could change my game by voting with you but it just turned out to be too soon to make any big moves. You were super nice and I thoroughly enjoyed talking with you!

Jack

We were technically on 'merge' beach together, but I don't think we ever spoke but, uh, gl in future games I guess?

Jay

We also didn't play together much but we've played together before and ily. You're honestly a better player than me, so I'm a lil shook to this day that you went when you did.

Keegan

Unfortunately we never bonded at all in the initial stages of the game, which was a big part of why I flipped on you. You're pretty cool and had we gotten to know each other earlier, I could definitely have seen us being in a strong alliance. I probably shouldn't have been so dishonest with you about that vote but I did what I felt was necessary to not expose myself and have a target pushed onto my own back at that particular stage of the game. Maybe we can be unstoppable allies in a future game!

My time in the game was doing really well until the tribe swap. I got close to my tribe, and when the tribe swapped it was hard to get to know all new people. Overall I feel as if i played better than last time, but I lacked in social game.

Ashley

You.... Never answered my contact request.... So.... Who?

Jack

Ayy another person who I don't really remember but voted for me. Honestly who even remembers most of premerge? 

Keegan

Sydney! You shouldnt have been voted out! We only had short conversations near the start of the game but we had that alliance and I was sad to see the other tribe robbed you of your second chance!

This game was a blast and it really sucks that I went home because of a person that I put my trust in, especially when that's the second time. It's a shame on me sort of deal but I won't make that same mistake. I'm incredibly blessed to have had this opportunity to play again, but ooh man am I going to be a bitter betty.

Ashley

Oh Alex, I am probably the last person you wanted to see this close to the end. Yet again I fucked up your game and was an asshole. I knew that if you and Drew were reunited I would be screwed. You are a great player with a smart head on your shoulders and that is terrifying. I just hope you can respect the game move I made and understand why it had to be done. I love talking musicals with you and hearing about how our schools vary when it comes to perfoeming arts. I hope you kick ass in The Addams Family!!

Jack

I thought you were cool and kinda wanted to work with you at merge but... yeah rip.

Jay

I remember respecting the way you were playing and being a little afraid of you, and also enjoying our conversations about hosting and making visuals. You seem like an awesome addition to the Athena Series and a very cool person

Keegan

Maybe it was just me being paranoid but I never quite felt like we were actually aligned. I know Drew wanted the three of us to be the unstoppable Sentinel Force but there was just something that made me think you had other plans. Maybe it was me being gullible and believing whatever i was being told. I'm sorry to have decieved you like I did but at the time it felt like the right decision to me.

Soooo... where do I begin? I guess I would say I'm just happy I didn't get rocked out this time. I'm upset that this game started out a little rough for me and I never really got my footing. It was a good experience with people that I have gotten to know outside of orgs and finally getting to playing with them. Wish I used my second chance to it's fullest but I guess someone has to be a flop. Love the game and thank you to the hosts for casting me.

Ashley

Steven you are such a cutie. Like you were hilarious in any call we were in together. However I didnt feel as if we clicked that much, e had Alex holding us together but that was about it. Maybe we could change that in another season?

Jack

My fellow Taveuni goat player, gone too soon. Miss you buddy.

Jay

Your boot was the first of...every round where I ended up having to play the middle. Merge happened, and suddenly it was Kevin and I against the world. I would've rather gone for LA than you that night, but, like I said, I just was forced to work the middle and wasn't sure who was ever telling me the truth. Regardless of the game, it's been lit getting to know you in the various chats we're both in and you're a pretty fun guy. Maybe some day we can play together and work together for real.

Keegan

WE COULD HAVE BUILT AN AWESOME BRIDGE TOGETHER! And that's the last time I'll mention bridges. But I thought we could have worked together to make our second Second Chances awesome. We both were robbed in the first one. You were an unfortunate victim caught in the path of resistance!

To y'all who've made it this far: congrats! I wish I could've made it farther than I did, but unfortunately some people couldn't let that happen🐍🐍🐍. I really enjoyed playing this season, I loved meeting everyone. I only wished that I could have made it farther because like, I'm super bored now. And it was fun too. Oh and I also wished I play that damn idol🐍.

Ashley

Kevin! Tbh I do regret voting you out. I do like that your vote /kinda/ gave us Jay to work with, but seeing the way it middled her in this game it kinda sucked. I dont think you deserved to go as soon as you did. We were being led to believe you were giving info to the other side, and so i went with my gut, I hope we can play together again soon though.

Jack

I cannot BELIEVE you got voted out there, but blame Jay. Actually a lot of things in this game can be blamed on Jay. Huh.

Jay

I miss you so much. I haven't had a lot of moments in game where I felt like I was making genuine friendships with another player- in fact, I've probably only had two before this - but I was lucky enough to 'meet' you and become your friend (apparently we met in motu maha but everyone knows I don't remember that game at all). At the points in this game where I didn't trust anyone and felt like I didn't have any friends, you were always there for me. You were an amazing ally and a great person to be a duo with in this hell game. I wish we could've played together a lot longer than we did, and I know ultimately it's my fault that we couldn't. So thank you for being someone to explain all my crazy thoughts to, someone who helped me make sense of things, and thank you for being willing to play the middle with me, even though it was deathly stressful for the both of us. You're the only person who actually knows the truth and the full gamut of my position in the game, and that's a big deal to me still.

Keegan

Voting you out might have been the toughest vote honestly. I had nothing against you, no actual reason to vote you out beyond wanting to further my own game. Maybe that's a valid enough reason but you certainly didn't deserve to be voted out that way. The Wholesome Happening is missing some Wholesome without you!

Y'all just jealous you never got to hold the pretty idol and did all those puzzles for nothing. I guess that's why you never talked to me huh. Get well soon! Ashley

Do you know how long I have wanted to just outlast you in a game? So. Freaking. Long. Like I am proud. I know it was kind of just luck that you didnt play your idol on yourself and got me out but I am still shakin in my boots. You are such a funny and great personality to be around, you were a big threat to win and I hope you know I still love you 💕.

Jack

The only person at merge who like... really reached out to me. You should've idoled yourself but I guess you live and learn. I wish you didn't get so robbed, man.

Jay

Honestly cracked icon. I'm still not sure how much of the stuff we talked about was genuine on either of our parts, but I sure as hell enjoyed those conversations and miss talking with you. It's rare in games where I feel like I'm talking to someone who's playing in the same way I like to play, so that was a lot of fun for me. Thank you for supporting me, like, on a personal emotion level the night of the double tribal when I was scared and panicking. It meant a lot and it showed me that you were more than just a scary player. You're a good person. I know you insisted to me over and over that you weren't a scary player, but I didn't believe it until then.

Keegan

We could have been so great together! But then you had to go on a warpath of trying to vote out anyone who voted for Alex, which unfortunately included me! I wish we could have actually worked together in this game; youre a lovely person and a good friend. And we both flopped at playing idols this season lmao

All in all I really enjoyed myself this game, from working with Ashley, Drew and Alex to playing both sides of Ashley/ Keegan and Kevin/Jay but it started to feel like a work after Kevin went home and stopped being fun. These games are made to have fun with and to build new friendships but when they stop being fun, you stop caring as much. It was interesting being able to work with LA and coming up with plans and working them out face to face... Should probably start going video calls haha

Ashley

JD you were my #1 for the longest time. And then being in a chat with you and LA kind of showed me you would never choose me over her. Which is perfectly fine, I understand. However it made some situations super hard and that got old after a little while. I am sorry you didnt get those bragging rights but I really do think we had a good friendship while we were together, you said you were the bitterr juror but I hope you can understand  why we had to do what we did. Hopefully we can keep talking after this game is over!

Jack

Pretty sure you were like, running the game, so I'm glad we were able to get you out. Another person with a failed idol which is like... the fourth person this game. Amazing.

Jay

You've been a good friend and person to me since Emathia. I really admire how you can be 10x as cracked as me while still being fun and enthusiastic about the game. Like I've said to you, the only thing I care about is that you don't hate me as a person when all is said and done. Whatever you think of me as a player, I hope you know that I consider you a friend and one of the few genuinely fun people in the community who I know I can come to about things. Bringing you into this hellmunity was honestly one of the best decisions I've ever made and I'm so glad I reached out to you because now you've become this, like, really iconic player who probably would've trounced me in this game had you been willing to go for LA. I think you're awesome and I can't wait to see who gets slaughtered by you next!

Keegan

You are a powerhouse of a player! One of the best for sure! And that's why we had to vote you out! You had an idol, solid allies and big moves to back up your game. You could have won this whole thing if we didn't take you out when we did. Im honoured to have played by your side for as long as I did.

I felt good about the game going in, it was fun and I actually had people I knew which was a nice change from the only two i knew in Taveuni. It got messy at the end and it was the first time I had been upset about a vote, not me going home I expected that, but seeing JD get blindsided just because she actually tried to make people feel safe and keep them safe, i guess that was our friendship coming through. It was also annoying that people assumed we were a F2 just cause we're friends and that played apart in my game whether it was true or not. If its not obvious the game got a little frustrating for me, I enjoyed the beginning though.

Ashley

Even though you pretty much knew you were going home the other night, you didnt try to bargain with me or acted desperate. I feel like you were quite classy and I respect that. You and JD were the "it" duo for a while. We knew we couldnt keep you together and probably shouldnt keep one qithout the other. But I enjoyed the talks and being in an alliance with you, I LOVE your cats and appreciated every time you showed them to us. 💕

Jack

My other Taveuni pal. I voted you out like 3 times, but not the one time you actually got out. #BlameJay 

Jay

It was kind of an honor to get to play with you, to be honest. For real, I mean. I'd heard so much about you as a player and a person before this game started and aligning with you was both terrifying and fulfilling. Even though JD did most of the talking for our alliance,  your presence was always stabilizing. Ultimately I had to do what I thought was best for my game every vote since merge, and, same as JD, I hope you don't see me as a malicious person for backstabbing you in the game in the ways that I have. It was and is all game, so I won't take anything you have against me personally.

Keegan

We had an interesting dynamic this game. From start to finish, we flip flopped between alliances and enemies. We really had no reason to work together as much as we did but I'm glad for the times we had. You were a fun ally and it was fun butting heads when we did!

[part2coral]

LOS ANGELES

I feel like I haven’t updated this in forever. Like, two months. I went to fucking LA though and had one of the best trips of my life. And I’m going to write all about it here. 

So on February 15th, a Wednesday, Tori and I get a text from Austin in our group message asking us to come with them to LA the next day. The original plan was for just them two to go, but at the last minute they extended the invitation to us. It was SO last minute. Initially I was like, nah I can’t go. I’ll miss too much class and I need to do too many things. But as the night went on, it became more realistic as I thought of all the things I would need to get into order and how it could be plausible!

That night, there was an event called Jumprope for Heart that the ambassadors volunteered at. There, me and Tori and Dylan talked about the trip. Tori said that she’d go if I went, which made me like low-key excited. Nothing had happened with her since my last post besides just kind of hanging out sometimes with everyone and making jokes about the whole ordeal. We started kind of just talking about it openly. 

Anyway, by the end of the night it was set. We were going to leave for LA the next day. I spent all night finishing a lab and trying to get a tour covered and packing, and the next day we left around 5pm. Which was way later than originally planned, but whatever. The car ride there was actually not bad. It took about 10 hours. It was kind of funny cause no one even asked me/expected me to drive. Maybe it’s cause I’m Asian.

Wait, fuck, have i even talked about Austin in this blog yet? No I haven’t. I’ll make a post on him later. He is Dylan’s new boyfriend and he’s literally perfect and I love him more than I love Dylan. TBH. 

We arrived at Austin’s house at around 3am. It was HUGE and so freaking NICE. Austin took Tori and I upstairs and showed us our room and bed, which we would be sharing (this also excited me. was I going to get some lesbian action or what!?)

The next day we kind of bummed around. It was nice though cause Austin’s parents bought us all this food in the freezer and we were able to just hang out and nap. Around 2 or 3, we decided to go to Koreatown. This was probably my favorite part of the whole trip. On the way there, we challenged Tori to learn Korean in an hour, and she literally learned it so well that she was reading signs when we went to Koreatown! Korea town there is HUGE. So many Koreans everywhere, which was way awesome and really fun. We ate Korean food and talked about Korean things, and Tori was way into it which is a huge turn on.

This picture is one Tori put on her story of me. We also went to a big Korean market and shopped for Soju and snacks. Dylan was in a bad mood cause he felt “left out.” This entire trip he was being kind of a bitch lololol.

Afterwards, we surprised Simran! We went to her apartments and tried to plan it out to surprise her with her roommates. It didn’t work out very well and we had to end up telling her we were there so that she would come home. She did, it was a tiny bit awkward cause I think she was intimidated by my hot ass friends, but it was still so good to see her at UCLA. 

And then we went to a party!!! All of Austin’s friends still live in LA, and they threw a house party. I was a little hesitant at first cause Austin had warned us that they were very lavish, large living, models/actors. But we got there and had a blast! I started drinking and it was awesome. I fucking love being drunk. 

There was this one pretty hot guy there. His name is Ethan Daniel Corbett, and you can google him! He acted in some TV drama. Anyway, Tori thought he was way hot and I didn’t at first, but as the night went on and we got more drunk, I literally finessed him into a room where we started making the fuck out. But I really didn’t want to do anything else, so I told him we should get back to the party hahaha. Apparently he was like looking for me/asking for me the whole night according to Austin and Dylan. I’m proud of myself cause he’s fucking hot. 

So anyway, I didn’t know if Tori was down to fuck around. I mean, all we did that one night was makeout and suckle on each other’s tits lol but I didn’t know if she would be down to hook up again or not. But she is so hot and cold that it was hard to tell. But of course, add alcohol and all of a sudden I have the balls to flirt with her, touch her, etc etc. She was a little bit salty about me hooking up with Ethan though, apparently she was complaining about it to Dylan and Austin. 

Somehow, and I don’t remember how, we ended up in a bed in a dark room making out. At first, I faked resistance. Like, “Nooo I told myself I wouldn’t do this again and wouldn’t let your ass seduce me.” Kind of as a joke. Kind of not. But anyway, we started making out and it. was. awesome. 

I don’t know why, maybe it’s cause I was drunk, but there is something literally magical about kissing Tori. Maybe it’s just girls in general. They’re softer, and prettier, and have nice hair, and are just so delicate. It’s like handling a piece of art rather than a piece of... man. At one point, we even went inside a fucking closet to makeout. Cause she said I needed to “come out of the closet.” She was pretty sure I was not straight I think. IDK what I am. 

Sidebar: in the past months, I had told myself that this was a “phase.” I mean, I’m in college. Girls in college do this shit. The common theme is this: you get down to the pussy and you freak out. Realize you’re straight. Phase is over. I also told myself it would be a looooooong time before I ever ate pussy. Or did anything with pussy. Shit, it’s scary. I’d have to work up to it. I have one and I’m still terrified of it. I’m the type of girl who told my ex’s not to eat me out because I felt bad for them. 

That went out the window. Before I know it, she’s completely naked and my head is in between her legs and I am eating her out like you wouldn’t believe. Like I hadn’t had a sip of water for a month and her pussy was a fresh water fountain. Like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Etcetera. 

I can’t remember if she ate me out there. But anyway, I went IN and I fucking LIKED it? Anyway, the boys started knocking on the door. So we put on our clothes. I think just she was naked. So SHE put on her clothes, I might’ve had a shirt off. I can’t remember. The boys wanted to leave cause people were starting to get crazy and fight or something. So we left. In the back of the car, we were fucking all over each other??? Fuck it was one of the hottest things of my LIFE. At some point we fell asleep in the back of the car. We got back to the house about 45 minutes later and were woken up. I didn’t know if our little hookup was over now that we had slept and the moment had kind of passed, but the second we got back upstairs into our room we were right back at it. 

We. Did. Everything. She ate me out. I ate her out. We fucking scissored, which was more for our amusement than pleasure. We were fucking around until about 3am, when we finally decided to go to sleep. The next day, though, waking up we were back to normal. Like didn’t even really talk about it and we weren’t even touchy or anything, although we fell asleep cuddling. The boys knew we had hooked up and so we made some jokes about it, but that was it. 

Holy moly though. The whole thing was incredibly enjoyable and incredibly H O T. Like dude. This is what really threw me for a loop. Like I said, I felt that this was a phase before this happened. But I liked it way too much. More than I have ever liked sucking dick or having actual hetero sex. 

Anyway. Day two. We woke up and went into the jacuzzi and laid out in the sun.

 Afterwards, we took Austin’s Rhino out. A Rhino is basically like a four wheeler off roading vehicle. It was so much fun but so scary, I honestly thought we were going to die like the entire time. We got mud flung in our faces the entire time but it was so freaking fun. 

Anyway. It was a lot of fun. That night, we decided we wanted to go out clubbing in West Hollywood. First, Tori did my makeup for me. At one point she told me to suck in my cheeks so she could highlight my cheekbones, and I just did a kiss face to mess with her. She kissed me. Romantic???????

But first, we went to Griffith Observatory. It was really cool and had a lot of cool exhibits. Then we headed down to West Hollywood and pre-gamed in the car. At some point I made out with Tori for like ten seconds. But while we were pre-gaming in the car Austin made a comment to Dylan about how we should hook up in the same room cause it would be exciting and hot. This set Dylan off like no other. He got WAY pissed. Like, he got so upset they got into a huge fight and Tori and I were just like, “...ok we’re leaving.” So we spent the next hour-ish going to the clubs and finding out that all the ones that we thought were 18+ were 21+ on Saturday nights. So we went back to the car, and they were still fighting. Then we left again and decided to walk around the supermarket. We were drunk. But anyway, it was pretty annoying. 

We went to a sex shop and Tori bought herself a vibrator, which was funny. She was actually way fucking pissed about the whole ordeal. I tried to keep an open happy mind about the whole thing and just be positive about it. But she was not having it hahaha. Anyway, she ended up driving us home and being pissed in the car while the boys were pissed in the back of the car. While I was just chilling cause I was happy.

We went home. No sex was had between Tori and I. Bummer.

The next day, we went to the beach and hung out. It was really nice there. We went to Venice beach. Then we got food and alcohol and went back to Austin’s house, where we threw a fucking party! This was such a fucking fun night. All the friends from the other party came over and we all drank and stuff. Before I got drunk, I wanted to kiss Tori. So I told her, “Hey. Can I kiss you before I get drunk?” I kissed her. Said thanks. Socialized. Drank more. 

At one point I went out to the living room and kind of took a semi-nap on the couch cause I was way sloshed. Tori came and found me and sat by me and was like, “hahaha you can’t hang!!” I hung onto her and kissed her. It was fun. She left cause Lady Gaga came on, but I hung onto her to try and make her stay. She still left LOL. Story of my life. 

At some point in the night, we all decided that we wanted to get butt ass naked and get in the jacuzzi, so we did. It was fucking crazy. I’m so insecure about my body but alcohol will make you confident out the ass. So we did it. We ended up jumping into the pool from this cave thing over and over, which was a blast. We went inside at some point and started watching literal lesbian porn. We were all half naked and lying around. At one point, Tori disappeared. I didn’t want to be weird cause she’s always so hot and cold and go follow her, cause I didn’t know what she wanted. So I just hung out and watched the porn hahaha. 

Cue the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me: it’s been ten minutes since she’s been gone, and I get a call from her on my phone. I pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Get your ass to the bedroom, now.”

There’s something about being desired by someone else that is such a turn on. I have never gotten so hot in so little time. I pushed Wyatt (Austin’s) brother off of me (he was lying on my leg) and literally sprinted the fuck up to the bedroom. I took five stairs at a time. I burst open the door. I swan dived into the bed. I fucking was an olympic diver into the pool of her pussy. Immediately started going H.A.M. 

And cue a replay of the prior night. Making out and touching and fingering and eating out and more funny scissoring. And I need to reiterate: I have never had more fun having sex, ever. Is this what constitutes lesbian sex? I don’t know what does, but I’m pretty sure we covered it. 

At some point, we remembered the vibrator that we had bought the day before. Or she remembered it. Is that why she bought it? I am so goddamn clueless on like, cues. But anyway, we spent the next twenty minutes running around the house naked looking for electronics to take apart to find double AA batteries. We finally found some, plugged that bitch in, and went to town on each other. Jesus Christ. It was insane. I fucked her with a vibrator and ate her out simultaneously?? WHO AM I?? IT WAS SO HOT??? I am no longer defining myself as straight. If that was as much fun as it was, there’s no way I can’t be into girl. I fucking love girls. 

Anyhow, I made her cum so hard that she was like, shaking for twenty minutes afterwards. Did she fake it? I don’t know. To be honest, I faked orgasm. I just couldn’t get there, I don’t know why lol. I think I need real dick pressure to cum? Even though I didn’t orgasm, it was still the best thing in the fucking world. It was so hot. I was so loud??? it was funny. 

We went to sleep. I tickled her back. Such romance. Much sensual. etc. I just like tickling people’s backs. Whatever.

Wake up the next morning. Not even touching. I decided to test the waters and be like, “hey, can I kiss you for like ten seconds?” She was like “you can kiss my ass.” I acted hurt as a joke and she got annoyed and literally left the room lol. What the fuck? Like I said, this bitch is an emotional rollercoaster. Does not know what she wants. Does not know anything. Is SO moody and SO bipolar. 

So whatever. That put me in an incredibly bad mood. But I tried to just be happy and chill. This was the day that we left to go back home. Dylan and Austin got into this huge fight because Austin wanted to stay long enough to see his parents come back from a little trip, but Dylan really wanted to go. He was just in a bad mood overall. Finally, we left to Austin’s dismay. I was down for whatever. 

It was awkward in the car ride back for a couple hours. We stopped in Las Vegas and walked around a casino and went to some shitty Asian buffet. Dylan was in a bad mood again. It’s so fucking weird. He’s just super pissy a lot and gets triggered way easily. 

At some point Tori asked to lie on my lap. She did that a couple different times over the trip. I played with her hair. This is a reoccuring theme in my relationships with people: I play with their hair in the back of a car and later we fuck. this has happened twice.

But this time, I was so fucking annoyed at her because you can’t give someone a stellar orgasm and then have them ignore you. It doesn’t work like that. I let her lie down, and I started fucking sensually rubbing her head hahahaha. I just was like dude fuck you I can be pleasurable when we’re sober you fuckign bitch. So usually when I played with her hair it was kind of timid and just like absentminded. But I was fucking giving her a scalp massage and touching her neck and shoulders and shit. Lol. 

Anyway. We got home and parted ways very early in the morning, like around 4am. 

The entire trip was way fucking fun though. Like, I’ll never forget it. Obviously I liked the part where I fucked Tori the most. The end.