#idk i have so many feelings over those two so fucked up so many mistakes

[malaierba]

Ya la luna baja en camisón

A bañarse en un charquito con jabón

Ya la luna baja en tobogán

Revoleando su sombrilla de azafrán

Quien la pesque con una cañita de bambú

Se la lleva a Siu Kiu

Ya la luna viene en palanquín

A robar un crisantemo del jardín

Ya la luna viene por allí

Su kimono dice no, no y ella sí

Quien la pesque con una cañita de bambú

Se la lleva a Siu Kiu

Ya la luna baja muy feliz

A empolvarse con azúcar la nariz

Ya la luna en puntas de pie

En una tacita china toma té

Quien la pesque con una cañita de bambú

Se la lleva a Siu Kiu

Ya la luna vino y le dio tos

Por comer con dos palitos el arroz

Ya la luna baja desde allá

Y por el charquito-quito nadará

Quien la pesque con una cañita de bambú

Se la lleva a Siu Kiu

[translation below]

Already the moon comes down in her nightgown

To bathe in a puddle with soap

Already the moon comes down in a toboggan

Swirling her saffron umbrella

Whoever catches her with a bamboo pole

May take her to Siu Kiu

Already the moon comes in a palanquin

To steal a chrysanthemum from the garden

Already the moon is coming this way

Her kimono says no, no yet she says yes

Whoever catches her with a bamboo pole

May take her to Siu Kiu

Already the moon comes down, she's very happy

She'll powder her nose with sugar

Already the moon stands on her tiptoes

In a Chinese teacup she drinks tea

Whoever catches her with a bamboo rod

Shall take her to Siu Kiu

Already the moon's come down, coughing

Unwell, eating rice with two sticks

Already the moon comes down from there (trans: implied "from the sky")

And through the little puddle she'll swim

Whoever catches her with a bamboo pole

She takes it to Siu Kiu

[megamindsecretlair]

Mr. Black, Part 1

Pairing: Tre x Assistant!Black!Fem!/ Plus Size reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, You are in charge of your own reading experience. Intentional use of AAVE. PWP, cursing, PIV, fingering (fem receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, dumbass reader, degradation kink, power imbalance, Tre is a boss, all consensual.

Summary: Tre is sick and tired of the countless mistakes you make while performing your work duties. You were recently hired and just trying to do your best, but nothing is ever good enough for him.

Word Count: 4,099k

A/N: Listen, Idk what happened. He's barely in 2 mins of the film and it broke my brain. That outfit and that smile was too much for me to handle! Idk how many parts this will be. Please, please consider commenting and reblogging to help support writers! And please put ages in bios! Or get blockt!

Masterlist | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 - Completed

Tagging the usual lovelies, please tell me if you want to be removed: @planetblaque @browngirldominion @notapradagurl7 @honeyoriginalz @blackerthings @sevikasblackgf @henneseyhoe @miyahmaraj

Shit! He was going to kill you. You whined as the numbers swam in your vision. You desperately looked between two invoices, wondering how you were going to solve this before he found out. 

Your leg bounced as your nerves unraveled the longer you stared at the documents. Shit! You were done for. Your stupid little job was over before you had even gotten started. Your bottom lip quivered. There was no way you were going to recover from this.

Tre’s heavy footsteps pounded the carpet on approach and your heart dropped into your stomach. Shit! 

You pushed the papers on your desk into one huge pile that you’ll painstakingly unravel in the safety of your home. You tapped a few keys on the computer, trying to look busy. He did not need to know that you had been staring at your egregious mistake for the past half hour. 

“Do you have that report I told you to do?” Tre asked, once he reached his office. 

“Yes, Sir,” you said. You gave him a dumb ass, goofy smile. You handed over the report in a yellow folder. He snatched it from you, not sparing you a glance, and stalked into the office. The door slam made you flinch. 

You weren’t even sure why you stuck around this job. You were recently hired to help with the background work stuff while people all around you were getting fired. Tre had been leading that charge. 

Ever since you got hired, you wondered if he hated you. He barely said anything to you except to insult your hard work. Look, the workforce was hard, okay? There’s a lot of shit that school or life doesn’t teach you. More often than not, you had to hide your scrolling on Youtube for any kind of help. 

Even when he was in a good mood, flashing those pearly whites and that sinful smile, it immediately froze whenever you entered the room. Your good mood would evaporate and then you were falling all over yourself trying to correct whatever the issue was.

His coffee was too cold, too black, too sweet. His blinds were up too high and he had a nasty glare. This report was wrong, that report was wrong. No, this wasn’t the one he wanted. Yes, this was the one he wanted. Run out and get some lunch. Well, you took too long, I don’t want it anymore. 

It was exhausting working for the man, but some part of you wanted a crumb of his praise. Just a crumb. You could survive off of it. You knew you sounded pathetic. Your friends and family were getting sick of you complaining about the man. 

Your best friend sort of got it. You snuck a picture of Tre one day and showed her. She nearly fell off of your couch when she saw him.

“This? This is your boss?” 

Yes, he is seriously your boss. And he was a fucking asshole. Who else would feel absolutely nothing about firing people a few days before Christmas? Christmas! It was your favorite holiday and just thinking about all the tiny traditions made you so giddy, your heart flipped.

Person after person, box after box, floated by your desk looking absolutely miserable. You watched their tortured faces and your heart hurt thinking that all their years of service fit into one tiny box. The tinsel and ornaments decorating the office seemed like cruel mocking reminders that there would be no Christmas cheer for them. 

“Get in here, now!” You jerked out of your seat. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The intercom flashed red and then turned off. You hated that damn box. Whatever happened to sending a chat? Way less intrusive and easier on your nerves.

You stood up with your heart racing. The pulse in your neck thumped so painfully, you placed your hand there to try and steady it. Realistically, you didn’t have to tell him about the mistake right now. You just needed a chance to find out what you did wrong.

You smoothed your checkered skirt suit, wiping your sweaty palms on the thick material. El Segundo didn’t get that cold, but the mornings were brutal. 

You bit your lip as you approached his office door. You opened it. Tre stood over his desk, one hand on his hip and a paper in his hand. It had to be the report he asked for. You assumed that since it was so late in the evening, that he’d read it first thing in the morning. You had hoped to leave here with a little hope. Not defeated like the past few nights, still not living up to his impossible standards.

All things considered, he was damn delicious. His favorite aesthetic was black. Black shirts, jackets, pants, shoes. The only hint of color on him were his gold chains and glasses. His thick beard complimented his facial structure beautifully. It was an odd mix being both attracted to and afraid of your boss. 

“Close the door,” he said. 

You followed his command. Shit. You were really in it. Was it your report he was reading? Or did he magically glean that you royally fucked up a fifteen million dollar contract? 

Your stomach roiled. You were going to be fucking sick. 

You approached the front of his desk like a deer in headlights. There was no room for you to maneuver. It was you, the headlights, and inevitable death. Shit, would you go to jail over something like this? 

You twisted your fingers as you stood there and waited for him to acknowledge you. He gave a long sigh and then put the paper down. 

“Come here,” he said. His tone was so disrespectful and biting. It was insulting coming from such a pretty man with a soft, ungodly voice. 

You rounded his giant desk and stood beside him. He was so huge. Thick muscles bunching the confines of his black suit jacket. You gulped and glanced down. He was looking at your report.

“What does this say?” He asked and pointed to a sentence.

“Due to the natre, er, nature, of the findngs.” Shit. This thing had so many damn typos in it. You typed the damn thing up, distracted, watching all of the people you never got to know walk out of here. Their faces haunted you day in and day out. You shouldn’t care, but well, here you were. 

If he had done this at any other time, maybe it wouldn’t have affected you so much. If he fired people around, say…St. Patrick’s Day, then at least people would have an excuse to hide their inevitable drinking. 

You looked into Tre’s eyes, an apology ready on your lips, but he was fuming. He was usually so calm and collected, firing people with an ice cold exterior. To see so much passion in him now…you were in deep shit. Without a paddle.

He reached across his desk and plucked out a red pen. “I want you to sit here and highlight all of the mistakes you made. And you better find them all,” he said. 

Your shaking hand reached out for the pen. He held it away. “All of them.”

He held out the pen once more and you took it. Tre sat down in his chair and motioned for you to proceed. You spied the chair on the other side of the desk, but you didn’t get the sense that you were allowed to get comfortable while you did this.

You licked your dry lips and leaned over slightly. Page by page, you hunted your mistakes with the red pen. You circled all of the typos you made. Good god, there were so many of them.

Tre sat like a silent specter. His disapproving eyes burned your back as you searched the document. At the end, you were appalled that you let so many slip through. The fuck was wrong with you? 

“Count them,” he said. 

Shit, shit. You couldn’t handle this fucking stress. “I am so sorry–”

“Count. Them.” You glanced at him. Besides the fire in his eyes, he seemed calm and a little disinterested. Like he was already bored of this shit and wanted you to hurry up.

You took a deep breath. He was only a man. You needed this stupid fucking job, but you will not be treated like this for much longer. Fuck his praise. And fuck him. No man, no job was worth this bullshit. You were going to find a nice quiet job somewhere. 

You counted the circles. Like bubbles of misery. “Twenty-four,” you said. At least your voice was strong, giving no hint to your frazzled nerves. Though, the more you thought about it, the less nervous you felt. You were so going to type up your two weeks notice tonight. Fuck this cheerless company. 

“Do you have any clue what it’s like trying to do my job but all I can focus on is your shitty ass mistakes? A toddler can type better than you,” he said. 

You gasped. Such a fucking asshole. “Everyone makes mistakes,” you pointed out. For fuck’s sake, you weren’t decoding international secrets. The occasional, okay this instance many, typos should not warrant a trip to the principal’s office. 

“I spend more time correcting your mistakes than trying to turn this company around. The least you can do is be a competent assistant. Your job is to assist,” he said. 

“All you can see is my mistakes instead of all the other shit that I do!” You fired back. Shit. His eyes narrowed and you swallowed, but you weren’t going to hold back. Whether you quit or got fired, you were saying goodbye to him so what the hell did anything matter? 

“I bend over backwards to do everything for you! Do you know how many times I’ve had to fix my nails as I run around here doing everything that pops into that meaty ass head of yours? Fix your computer, get you coffee, charge your fucking phone. I was hired to do assistant work, not become your personal maid. The least you can do is treat me with some fucking respect!” 

A weight lifted from your chest. You took deep, heaving breaths and felt lighter than you ever had. Even before taking this soul sucking job. 

“Bend over,” he said quietly.

“What?” You asked.

Tre stood to his full height. Not quite reaching six feet, but close enough. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and then slipped it off, revealing a black, long sleeved shirt. He rolled up the cuffs.

“I’m spank that tight ass you keep taunting me with for every mistake you have on that report,” he said.

Whoa, what? “Did you not hear what I said?” You asked. You watched as inches of his forearm were revealed. Shit, this shouldn’t be so hot. But it was. Your mouth ran dry for entirely different reasons.

“Every word. Bend. Over. It’s a simple instruction to follow,” he said. The sleeves were at his elbow now. 

You barely thought about it. You bent over the desk, breasts pressing into the coolness of his desk. You felt him slide behind you. His thick hands rubbed over the fabric of your dress. He squeezed the fleshiness of your ass and you softly huffed. 

“Count out every mistake,” he said.

Smack! Red hot fire bloomed on your right ass cheek. “What the fuck,” you gasped.

“Count it, or we start over,” he said.

“One,” you immediately said. Was this really happening? 

Smack! Shit, it really was. “Two,” you gasped again, trying to fight off a moan. Your pussy ached with each subsequent hit. And he was not going easy on you. Each smack was severe, making you reach up on tiptoes to escape it. 

He wouldn’t let you. His hand found your ass in any way you had it displayed for him. No two smacks were similar. Some were harder than others. He never hit the same spot twice. Your ass was a mosaic of pain. Heat bloomed in tiny flickers. There was no way you were going to sit down after this.

“Fifteen,” you ground out. Your ass sought his hands, relished each smack he delivered. Your mind turned blissfully fuzzy. Nerves melting away until it was a tiny puddle at your feet. Fuck. You were so turned on and your panties were ruined. Soaked. 

Your clit throbbed in time with the flickering heat on your ass. And he continued to smack it. Your ass jiggled after each one. Your feet scrambled for purchase. 

“Twenty-two,” you cried out. Tears gathered in  your eyes. 

The final two smacks to your ass were the worst ones. He had been hiding that strength this entire time. He smacked you like he was truly punishing you for all of the mistakes on the report. You shuddered to think what he would do when he found out about the contract. 

He had maintained a professional demeanor throughout it all. He hadn’t spoken, except with soft grunts as the force of his smacks met your ass. He rubbed your booty and you moaned from the white hot pain. How the hell were you going to get home after this? 

Tre lowered the zipper on the back of your dress and you whimpered. What more could he fucking do right now?

The answer to that was swift as he pushed the edge of your skirt up and over your wide hips. He groaned with a soft, “fuck”, as he revealed your racy black panties. The lace was sheer with tiny flower designs woven into it. 

“I knew hiring you was a fucking mistake. Can’t even focus on shit around here,” he said. Though it seemed like he was talking to himself. 

“I thought you hated me,” you whispered. You wiped the wayward tears from your face. 

“You and these fucking outfits,” he answered back. He rolled your panties off of your damp pussy. He bent with it, so his breath trailed the back of your thighs and legs. He kissed his way back up. Plump lips placed soft kisses to your thighs and ass. Pain bloomed from his recent spanking and you moaned and moved away. He straightened and pulled your hips back. 

He smacked your bare ass this time. The wet sound was loud and lewd. You prayed that everyone was gone for the day. There was no way that these flimsy ass walls had good sound proofing. 

“Fuuuuuck,” you moaned out.

“That’s for being such a fuckin’ tease,” he said. His hands left you, going to his own fly as you heard the zipper and the frantic huffs as he hurried to free himself. 

“I wasn’t–”

“You know you were. Bending over every chance you got. Smiling every time I fuckin’ saw you. Wearing these outfits you know are not professional,” he said. 

He settled back behind you, groaning as you assumed he pumped himself. Fuck, you wanted to see. You looked back at him. Oh, that was a mistake. His head was thrown back, his arms moving jerkily as he pumped his thick length with his hand. 

Your pussy clenched as you watched him. You bit your lip at the sheer ecstasy on his face. You didn’t want to speak and interrupt him. While it was true that you dressed up a little more than your coworkers, these outfits were appropriate. You didn’t show unnecessary cleavage and your skirts were decent lengths.

Okay, maybe they went a little too high. But you spent most of your time behind a desk, who was really going to notice? It was better than the bland ass, off the rack looks these other girls wore. It was like they all shopped at the same, ugly ass store. Why should you be bland like them?

You were fucking gorgeous. And wearing pretty outfits made you feel beautiful and comfortable. You loved your heels. Why should you keep all that shit in the closet to make basic bitches feel nice? Fuck ‘em.

Tre rubbed the tip of his dick through your wet folds. You nearly buckled. Your knees collapsed and Tre roughly grabbed your hip to make you stand upright. 

You rested your cheek against the cold desk. The coolness helped cool off some of the heat burning through you. You moaned as his tip brushed against your clit. “Please,” you whispered.

“Please what?” He asked.

“Please, fuck me. I need it,” you moaned. God, it had been too fucking long since you got fucked. Not had sex. Got fucked. You had decent situationships in the past. Sure, you had fun. But to get fucked, you needed a certain type of man. 

He grunted as he shoved inside, stretching you completely. You cried out as he pulled back and shoved back in, getting his dick wetter from your juices alone. “Sweet fuck,” he moaned. 

“So fuckin’ wet for me.” He worked himself inside you, pushing into the warm, wet core of you. You were a vice grip on his dick. Welcoming him deeper and more easily with every glide. His fingers dug into your hips. 

“From now on, I’m checking over all of your work. If I catch more typos, that’s your ass,” he said.

How the hell could he expect you to listen when he was buried so deep inside of you, you were pretty sure with one more shove that he would hit your G-spot? You pathetically whimpered as his movements grew slippier. He slid in and out with more ease than before. 

His thrusts turned sharper. Each one shoved you against the desk. The hard plane of the desk shoved into your stomach. The pain was barely a thought. 

“Oh yes, yes,” you moaned.

“Takin’ this dick well,” he moaned. His thrusts increased. Barely giving you time to breathe in between each one. They were powerful and unrelenting. The desk rattled. His thighs pushed into yours, trapping you against the desk as he pounded into you. His hands around your hips were bruising. He had you slightly lifted, so your feet slightly dangled off of the ground. He supported you easily. 

The minimal praise from him made your heart soar and your pussy flutter. “Oh, you like that shit, don’t you?” 

“Uh-huh,” you moaned.

“Tell me you like it then,” he said.

“I like it,” you said.

“Like you mean it,” he said and gave another savage thrust that made you see stars. 

The desk made an intrusive knocking sound in time with his thrusting. That’s how hard he was fucking you. 

“Oh shit, I’m cumming,” you moaned. Your belly flipped as your orgasm built and built.

“Let it go, then,” he said.

You cried and whimpered as you came. 

“Mhm, let it go. Let it go. Mhm, feeling all of that,” he cooed while you came, stars going off like bombs in your weak vision. Your head swam. Your vision winked in and out. You were bliss personified, cumming with a type of euphoria you didn’t know existed.

You squeezed his dick as you came. “Get that shit nice and creamy,” he said. 

He continued to pound into you, fucking any last remnants of your orgasm out of you. He was so hard and thick, sliding in and out and wrenching every little sound he could out of you. 

Wet smacking and the rattle of his thrusts filled the room with a harmony you wanted on repeat forever. You were creamy for him. Needy for him. Needy for the way that he could fuck you stupid and you thanked him for it.

You managed to look back at him. Again, his head was thrown back. The wide expanse of his neck pulsed with a thick vein you wanted to lick. Sweat dripped down into his shirt. His sleeves were still rolled up. He was power and strength. Thick in every sense of the word.

Broad shoulders, soft beard, and those glasses. Good god, you loved those glasses on him. That wide smile of his. His rich, midnight skin. You could spend hours licking every inch of him and it wouldn’t nearly be enough. 

He was lost in you, lost with his dick pumping into you. Watching how you were making him feel, another orgasm built. It climbed its way to the surface, whisking you away to the stars again. Shooting through the universe with nothing to hold you down. Nothing to keep you anchored. You just floated like stardust around the cosmos. 

“Oh fuck, please,” you moaned. You didn’t know what the fuck you were saying. You were mumbling and moaning, unaware of anything but his hands on your hips. His dick inside you. His balls slapping your clit. Your hand moved behind you seeking his body. His thrusts were too much.

You pushed against him. You didn’t want him to stop. Just for him to ease a bit. Your swollen clit was sensitive as hell. You weren’t sure if you had another orgasm in you. It was too soon and his punishing pace was going to literally fuck you stupid in a minute.

“Move that fuckin’ hand before I do,” he spat. 

“But…Sir…” He was fucking the air out of you. You couldn’t breathe. “Fuck, please.” 

True to his word, he grabbed the hand that you were trying to push him away with. Your left hand was twisted behind your back as he leaned forward, deepening his strokes.

It turned harsher, fucking you into the desk. He’d fuck you through it if he could. His moans turned desperate.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he moaned. “Take this nut.”

He groaned as he unleashed his climax inside of you. He filled you with his cum. His dick twitched and pulsed against your spongy walls as his cum was fucked into you. Still he moved, still he pounded into you like he was trying to prove something. 

His hips faltered as he sputtered the last of his cum. He buried himself to the hilt and a shiver ran through him. Your frantic breathing matched his as he slowly pulled out of you.

Fuck! You were fucking sore! A hundred baths wouldn’t soothe this shit. A moment later, his cum slipped out of you and you moaned. Well shit. No condom. Luckily, you were on the pill but still. You shouldn’t be so fucking horny that you didn’t talk about these things.

However, after getting fucked the way you just did, you’d happily accept his cum. Many times over. 

His cum leaked out of you, sliding down your pussy and legs. He groaned, leaned down, and spread your ass cheeks just to watch.

“Such a pretty fuckin’ pussy,” he said. He pushed two fingers inside and you whimpered. He grunted one last time and removed his fingers. 

He grabbed a few tissues off of his desk and started to clean you up. You hissed when he hit a sensitive spot. He kissed your ass and legs as he cleaned up. “So fuckin’ pretty. So fuckin’ beautiful,” he soothed as he cleaned.

You were a shaking mess. Your legs could not support you. He chuckled as he finished. He pulled his pants up first. You heard the slide of his belt buckle. Then, he pulled your panties up to cover your ass. Next, he lowered your skirt and fixed the zipper.

You were too weak to move from your spot. Too weak to stand up and say or do anything. You laid there in amazement. He helped you up and then steadied you while he lowered you into his chair. His chair.

He got to work, righting various knick knacks on his desk. He moved a tiny Christmas snow globe on his desk that you had brought him on the first day. He had raised his eyebrow at you, told you that you couldn’t bribe your way to a good start, and disappeared into his office. You thought he had thrown it away. You were too nervous to notice anything when you came into his office. Just his disapproving eyes and smug smirk. 

He moved the report back into the yellow envelope and closed it. He turned around and rested his ass against the desk. He tapped the file with his long fingers. “Be sure to correct this. We’ll go over it first thing in the morning.”

You glanced at him. “Yes, Sir,” you said with a hoarse voice. Fuck, your throat hurt. Everything hurt. He smirked as if he were reading your thoughts.

Yeah, a merry Christmas to you too, mu’fucker.

Masterlist | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 - Completed

[darry-queen]

How much Darry and Soda would make modern day and if it would be enough to pay for at least the three of them: (note this may not be incredibly accurate and while yes I did do research while calculating this shit it wasn't super in depth! feel free to correct me on any and all mistakes you notice and feel free to also give your own opinions!! Much love!)

Starting with Darry's:

Before I get into number this is all assuming that Darry works exclusively the hours allotted to him while missing no work, he'd have a 5 day work week at 40 hours which is standard practice in the United States, except for his part time job which he'd be working 25/h a week (i talk about this more later just continue reading) also I'm not giving them any kind of insurance. Sorry! Lol!

Starting salary of a roofer in Oklahoma is $14/h with the average being around $15/h. Assuming this Darry will be getting around 30k a year. I'm going to be generous and say he works for a good company and has a strong union so I'll give him a end of year bonus as well ($200-$800)

His weekly pay would be around $550-$600

This would be taxed though! Using a taxing calculator (bc I'm not doing all that math babeee) He'd be payed around $500 a week.

Darry also canonically has a second job! Though it is never really talked about, not even mentioned whether it's part or full time. I'm just going to assume, generally, that it is probably a part time job that pays minimum wage. (I'm aware that there are many popular hc's as to what this job is I'm ignoring those lol) now I don't live in Oklahoma but I do have personal experience with working part time and it fucking sucks. They have you working only slightly less then a full time employee so they do not have to give you full benefits. It is an incredibly fucked up and exploitative practice.

Something to note is that Oklahoma allows part time employees to be payed half minimum wage the first 90 days of employment when under the age of 20. I do not think I will include this in the calculation because even though Darry would be 19 at the time of his parents death I think he would be 20 not long after and I do not care enough to look into this law to include it in my calculations! Just wanted to mention it because?? What the fuck Oklahoma?

Anyway, part time would have Darry working 25 hours a week for $7.25/h which would be around $180/week. After taxes he'd make $160/week getting him to $660 a week.

Finally, what everyone was waiting for.... doordash fucking driving baby. Considering he lives in a populated area I am going to be generous and say he manages to get around $20/h from doordash driving. Assuming he does this on the days he doesn't work part time (so the other 15 hours) he'd make a whopping 16k extra a year OMG!!

As for any money he'd earn from the state for guardianship of Pony and Soda: Idk! It's kind of confusing trying to figure out Oklahoma giving shit out for this because fostering and guardianship are two dif things and I'm almost certain Darry would have Guardianship over his siblings, not fostering them. So I'm just not including it: he may have received a check upon first becoming their guardian but since that is a one time thing I'm not going to include it in my final calculations (i know this is kinda contradictory for giving Darry a bonus for his roofing work but IDC IDC IDC IDC I AM NOT PUTTING THAT MUCH EFFORT INTO THIS (NOTE I FILLED OUT A MOCK W2 FORM TO GET A ROUGH ESTIMATE OF WHAT DARRY'S TAX RETURN WOULD BE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CARE))

All of the above considered: Darry is making $960 a week. Wow!

Now for Sodapop!

Soda I'm just going to copy paste what Darry's theoretical part time job would be because it's almost time for me to go to bed and I couldn't find any special rules for 16< year olds, so he'd be working 25 hours for $7.25 which after taxes is again $160

In total him an Darry combined are making a good healthy $1120 a week on average. Probably more if you consider Darry going insane with doordash/overtime! Overall a good $4480 a month

GREAT NOW TIME FOR EXPENSES!!

Expenses Include:

Mortgage payments

power bill

water bill

natural gas

car payments (maybe)

car insurance (maybe)

fuel

food

phone payments

internet bill

probably more I can't remember off the top of my head

OKAY NOW explaining the maybe's rq

You can just, not pay for car insurance. It's illegal, but when you're poor it's not like you can really care about the legality of certain things. Sometimes, it's eating vs car insurance, y'know? Especially because Darry is only 20, that shit is going to be expensive. And the car was def under his dad's name previously so he also def doesn't have any history. I'mma be generous though and say that he does have CREDIT history, which following my own car insurance premiums: my man is going to be paying like, $400 a month. and trust me, I'm being generous here. This is also for liability only. crazy right? With that considered, if I can not get Darry's salary to work with the rest of his expenses I'm saying he's driving without insurance. Hope you understand.

Now for the car itself, it might be payed off already might not. Again it's almost time for me to go to bed so I"m not willing to double check the book to see if car payments are ever mentioned. If they are I'll come back and fix this another time but for now. I'm not including it.

As for the gas for this theoretical truck? I'm going to put it from $250-$300 a month based off of what Reddit car owners said on how often they have to get gas for their own trucks. Great!

OKAY NOW FOR THE REAL EXPENSES! The average cost of utilities in Oklahoma, Tulsa specifically, is $270 a month for electricity, like $130 a month for natural gas, and for water $100 a month. Now you're probably saying, "Paya, isn't that a little high?" to which I'd say, they have 4 (presumably more) other boys coming around almost everyday. SO I feel it's fine to rate that shit on the higher side of things.

Before I forget: the mortgage payments!

This one is kinda fucked! I have no idea when the Curtis parents bought the house in canon. If it was after, or before Darry was born, etc. Because of this you can kinda just make hc's for this. The reason I say this is because obviously the housing market now is VERY different from the one in the 40s-60s which is when they'd have had to buy the house in cannon. In fact, I'm not even entirely sure they own the house in canon I'm just assuming right now! Like, if you're making a modern au: feel free to say that they're renting! Like who really cares about it? I'll even calculate it here for you so you have a frame of reference: Assuming the house is at least 2 bedrooms 1 bathroom it's gonna be around 1.5k a month. If you want to say they're paying a mortgage though, I'm going to assume based off the little data I could find of average home cost in 2004 (I'm assuming the house was bought around the time of Darry's birth) we're looking at somewhere between 150k-250k. I'm going to low ball it though because I think Oklahoma housing prices are generally cheaper and I'm going to assume they'd go for something affordable over something large. So I'll say 175k! Average interest on a home loan in 2004 was around 6%, with a 20% downpayment Darry will be paying 1k a month for the mortgage. Not that bad!

Phone bill is p cheap around 100$ feel like you may be able to play around with this. Like maybe they're paying for Johnny? Who knows not me I want to go to bed!

Food is like so fucking expensive now tbh. I pay $300 a month on grocery shopping a month for my household. Assuming Darry is purchasing food for himself, his brothers, and a little extra for the gang I'm going to put his grocery bill at around $500 a month. I think I'm lowkey low balling it, but I think he'd be a good bargain shopper. Btw, don't ask if he qualifies for food stamps! Because he doesn't!

internet bill is significantly cheaper going to be around $50 a month, as for services like live streaming and other things, we're gonna say it's all pirated. no one is paying for that shit when you can get it online for free! (Personal hc: Steve is a fucking amazing pirate and can get you literally anything you ask for.)

Final cost of living for my boys, not including school supplies, school/extra curriculars/or clothing: $2400 - $3350

Ending conclusion: If Darry works 80+ hours a week and Soda helps out with his part-time job they have more then enough to pay for almost all living expenses. Tell me where I fucked up! Thanks. Btw according to the shittily done w2 I did for Darry he'd get almost 2k in tax returns; i most def fucked something up but I'mma accept it despite that.

[xythlia]

- ̗̀໒ mdni. inspired by is it over now? oral, clit sucking, fingering, face riding, use of baby. idk im eepy sorry for any mistakes

"You know I've been a mess, baby. I need you right now," satorus smooth murmur barely breaches the gooey warmth of arousal drowning your brain.

The way he gently caresses your thighs, shifting on the couch, makes you forget about being miffed that he blew you off days ago. In your head his request is already granted, no need for asking despite the part of you that knows you should be telling him there's better ways to deal with whatevers got him twisted up inside.

Could anyone really blame you for choosing this instead? It's simpler than trying to scale one hundred foot tall emotional barricades, and despite what you tell yourself each time you always pick up the phone, always find yourself bundled into a cab to wind up here.

And he asks so sweetly, those crystalline blue eyes brimming with desire. He knows you fold so easily, both because of selfish lust and because you've given up on everything but this. He can't blame you, after all he forced your hand.

"Been thinkin' about this pussy all day-" he cuts himself off with a throaty groan as he pushes one of his lithe hands between your thighs, cupping your aching cunt and biting his bottom lip in smug satisfaction feeling the wet spot spreading against his fingers.

"Just one taste?"

That's all it takes to have you disregard the few remaining pieces of clothing on your body, standing to shimmy off your damp panties before straddling his chest. He takes his time, kneading the soft fat of your ass, gingerly pushing you to move forward and situate your legs on either side of his head.

Before you can even settle in the position his tongue licks a hot stripe up your pussy, lapping at your arousal and pressing your thighs down fully. You squirm but he holds steadfast, not caring about anything but getting his fill of you.

Your head tips back, hands finding their way into his soft snowy hair, nails scratching against his scalp lightly with every prod of his tongue against your puffy clit.

"Finally," he moans and the slight vibration of his voice makes you grind your hips down against him. Ecstasy drips like honey down the back of your throat, squeezing your eyes shut and whispering his name like a reverent prayer.

"Fuck," he says, barely audible through the slick wet sounds and the way your cunt muffles his mouth. "Always so good."

Higher pitched gasps leave you, floating away up to the ceiling as your body preens from the praise. His hands rub up and down your thighs as he sucks on your aching clit, turning the darkness behind your eyelids into static fuzz. Two of his fingers prod at your soaked hole as you lean forward, slightly lifting and incidentally giving him a better angle to keep teasing you.

You can feel the way his fingers slide in with zero resistance, your body eager to accept the familiar intrusion of him. "Got the prettiest pussy don't you, baby?"

All you can do is nod dumbly above him, eyes rolling back and teeth digging into your lip as you feel an overwhelming pressure build in your tummy. Feeling those long fingers scissoring against your walls and his tongue stroking your clit is all too much, all simultaneously.

"Please, please don't stop-" it's fever pitched and frantic, knowing you're about to tumble headfirst off the cliff.

When his teeth lightly scrape your throbbing clit your eyes snap open, mouth agap in a silent cry as the sugar shell of pleasure cracks and shatters inside your head. Your hips buck messily against his face, no regard for anything but your own pleasure but it's just as satisfying for him to see you breakdown into a hedonistic mess.

It's better, easier this way. Speaking in bodies is oddly enough, far less messy than words. You're his constant comfort, you'll always pick up the phone no matter how many times he breaks your heart.

[beardedjoel]

closer | part twenty two - finale!

joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au.

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3  

chapter summary: in this final chapter, you and joel reconnect and discover just how deep your feelings for each other run. 8.6 k words. chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), soft!dom joel, cockwarming as the whole show, unprotected piv, sweet slow in love sex, dirty talk, praise kink a/n: I'M EMOTIONAL AS FUCK RIGHT NOW AND IDK WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. i love love love these two lovesick idiots so much, they've helped me grow as a writer and i'm so happy so many of you have loved reading this story also. as much as i've written it for myself i also wrote it for all of you who encouraged me along the way, so THANK YOU SO MUCH! i could never express just how thankful i am for how much love this story has gotten. i promise this won't be the very last of this reader and joel, i would love to do a small epilogue or drabble sometime soon as well. anyways this has been such a rant THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and please enjoy this final chapter!

You bound down the stairs giddily, happy to take in the familiar sights of Joel’s house in the light of day. You had missed its cozy comforts, the way it had been a second home to you, how Joel had been home to you. You’re practically vibrating with happiness, the feeling warm and radiating from the middle of your chest outwards. You’re tingling with anticipation to see Joel again, even with the fact that you’d just spend the entire night next to him. You couldn’t wait to interact with him, look into his eyes, and give him a good morning kiss. It nearly felt surreal, like you weren’t sure if this could have ever happened again. 

You hear the soft drone of the TV, and when you don’t see Joel in the kitchen, you make your way to the living room, where he’s seated, sprawled out on his cushy couch. His eyes look only half-focused on a sports channel, running highlights and going into detail on all the recent games, and you immediately tune it out. When you enter the room, Joel looks up and his eyes widen, his coffee halfway to his mouth. He finishes the sip, slurping purposefully and setting the mug down on the side table next to the couch with careful hands, not once taking his eyes off of you. You stand in the doorway, stark naked, not having bothered to even put on one of Joel’s shirts this morning.

“Isn’t that a sight,” he says quietly, one hand still wrapped tightly around the warm mug, as if he doesn’t know what to do with it. His tone seems controlled, but you can tell this is having more of an effect on him than even you’d expected. You try to not wear too big of a smirk as you stand, inspecting him.

“Y’better be comin’ right over to this lap if you're gonna walk in here lookin’ like that.” He cocks his head, making purposeful, long movements of his eyes to roam over your entire body, stopping longer to admire your tits, nipples slightly erect already from the chill of the air and your anticipation for Joel this morning. You close the space between you, padding over to the couch, where Joel adjusts his legs, making room for you.. You stop short, drumming your fingers on the edge of the table where Joel’s mug sits.

“Coffee first,” you declare, turning to walk back over to the counter, making sure Joel has a clear, impeccable view of your ass as you go. Joel gets up to follow you, and you hear a distant groan, no mistaking that it’s his back still bothering him.

“Where d’ya think you’re goin’?” he asks impatiently, standing across the island in the kitchen, watching you. “My lap was ready for you, darlin’.” 

You twist your lips to the side, purposefully ignoring him. “Now where were those mugs…” you mutter, reaching up on your tip-toes to look through cabinets, stretching your body out and offering an even better view of all your assets.

“You know damn well where those mugs are, sweetheart,” Joel growls out from across the room, arms folded in front of him. “Ignorin’ me… can’t believe this,” he mutters under his breath, but still loud enough that you can make it out.

“Silly me, you’re right,” you reply airily, immediately opening the correct cabinet and getting a mug out before filling it with coffee. When you glance at Joel before opening the fridge, the look on his face is odd, unreadable.

“I, uh… still have the creamer. A new one. Stupid, I know. I bought a new one when the old one went bad. Jus’ in case…” Joel pulls his lips into his mouth and avoids your gaze for a moment. 

Your heart beats harder for a few seconds, a hole opening in your chest that you feel like you might fall right through. It feels like your heart breaking in real time, realizing that all this time, Joel still cared so much, so fucking much. You clutch your chest, fingers brushing over your bare skin there, and give Joel the softest, warmest smile you can conjure up. 

“Thank you,” you say, wanting to deliver it with sincerity and show the meaning that it has for you. Joel gives you a simple nod, knowing nothing more needs to be said about it, that you both understand what it means and what you both went through. You move along, pouring the creamer in your coffee and walking back to Joel, letting him guide you back with a rough hand on your lower back.

“Gonna jus’ ignore my questions, now?” Joel asks, in the half-teasing, half-irritated way that can only mean he’s brewing up all kinds of ways to punish you. He lowers himself back onto the couch with an equally loud groan, and you lift your brows, wondering if you should question him about it.

“You wouldn’t want me to be without my coffee, would you?” you ask, your voice syrupy sweet as it comes out of your mouth. You blink, fluttering your lashes for affect and Joel simply narrows his eyes at you, clearly not pleased with your teasing this early in the morning.

“How do you want me, then?” you ask, hands on your hips as you stand before him. Joel’s eyebrows shoot up at the question and he smirks wildly. 

“You bad fuckin’ girl,” Joel tuts with a shake of his head, seeming to instantly forgive what transpired in the kitchen. “Why don’t you sit on down, put your back right here,” he says, patting his chest gently, clad in a classic Joel look of a faded sports tee. You do as he asks, climbing onto his lap with your back to him, scooting your ass all the way back until it’s flush with his torso. Joel’s arms go around you, his legs falling to the side slightly to make room for yours to dangle in between them.

You both sigh in contentment at the feeling of being close to each other on top of the sexual temptation you’ve quite literally just placed in Joel's lap. He reaches a hand to the side to grab his mug, bringing it to his lips over your shoulder. Once he takes a sip, he quickly nuzzles the side of your head. 

“Y’sleep okay?”

“Better than I have in months,” you say with a breath of laughter, and Joel nods in agreement.

“Me too, darlin’. Wore each other out,” he says. 

“So much pressure off of both our shoulders. I don’t know if you feel that too, but I do,” you tell him. 

“Mhm. Feels like… all is right again, huh?”

“Mhm,” you nod, reaching for your own cup, precariously perching yourself to keep your balance on Joel’s lap, your ass rutting into his crotch a bit more. Joel groans quietly at the sensation, which you definitely don’t miss. You both went pretty hard last night, and you’re not sure what Joel will be feeling up for today if his back was any indication. 

“How’s your back?” you ask, while the topic is on your mind. “Promise I won’t tease,” you add on lightheartedly. 

Joel grumbles a little bit but then sighs in resignation. “I’m not in good shape here darlin’, if I’m honest. But hell, what’s a man to do when a pretty girl sits in his lap naked as the day she was born, but his back hurts? Be a fool not to take advantage of this,” he says, frustration cropping up in his tone. You realize Joel must be feeling touchy about his age these days, especially considering his birthday was yesterday.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you turn slightly and reach a hand over your shoulder to stroke Joel’s face gently. “I just want to spend time with you, whatever you want to do. I don’t want you to mess you back up even more.”

Joel finds it in him to grumble a bit more, but he places a kiss on your bare shoulder, murmuring a thank you into the skin. You two sit and drink your coffee in peace for a little while with the TV as background noise, but you feel the unmistakable bulge of Joel’s cock hardening underneath you as he absentmindedly runs his fingers along the soft skin of your thighs and arms. 

“Hmm,” he mumbles quietly to himself, as if he’s trying to decide what to do - absolutely ravage you or keep his back from being completely fucked and sending him out of work for a few days. 

“Joel… your back…” you say before he can even get any ideas.

“I know… I jus’...” he starts

“I have an idea,” you announce, cutting him off. “If you let me take care of you a little - get a heating pad, all of that stuff.l, I’ll sit right back here and let you do whatever you want to do to me. You’ll barely have to move. No pressure to do anything that’ll hurt you.”

Joel cocks an eyebrow, intrigued at your offer. “Y’shouldn’t have to take care of me like that…” he starts, and you immediately want to stop that train of thought before it derails completely and leaves him feeling bad about himself. 

“Said I wanted to take care of you, so let me,” you say, and Joel starts to protest, but you cut in again. “How many times have you taken care of me, done so much for me? And for so much more than a day of nursing a bad back. Let me do this for you, Joel.”

Joel’s lips turn into a contemplative half-frown as he makes another thoughtful noise, and he then smiles a little. His fingers come up to touch your shoulder, tracing so gently along the skin that you get goosebumps immediately. 

“Alright, it’s a deal,” Joel asks gruffly, giving in. 

You have him instruct you on where he keeps the heating pad, insisting you know he has to have one around along with icy hot patches, Advil, the entire works for someone like him who complains about his back often enough. He grumbles at how correct your guess is, hating that it makes him feel old and weak in front of you, but you’re quick to remind him the only reason his back is hurting today is from ravaging you within an inch of your life last night. That seems to satiate him well enough, a proud grin slapped across his face at the recollection.

“Yeah, yeah, all in that closet outside the bathroom down here,” he tells you. “Y’better not go putin’ on any clothes while you’re away.”

You laugh, putting your hands on your hips as you stand up in front of him. “Got a naked nurse fantasy, or somethin’?”

Joel scoffs out a laugh, amused. “When it comes to you, darlin’, everything’s a fantasy f’me.”

“Smooth talker.” You give him a dramatic eye roll but feel your heart jump at his words. ”Okay, just sit back, I’ll be right back with everything,” you assure him, rushing to the closet and digging out all the supplies you think you’ll need. 

You smile to yourself at the old, worn down heating pad Joel has, something that looks like it’s been passed down and gotten nearly too much use, the old blue and pink plaid pattern faded and tattered. You make a mental note to buy him a new one at some point, knowing Joel’s practical brain won’t allow him to purchase something brand new since “this one works just fine”.

You catch Joel struggling to sit back and get comfortable, a grimace on his face, and you frown. You’ve never really seen Joel in pain until now, and it’s harder than you’d thought it would be. You feel a sinking feeling, just wishing you could take this pain away from him immediately. At the least, you’ll do everything you can to help him feel better.

“Hey, let me help. Let’s get the heating pad behind you,” you tell him, rushing over and trying to get everything set up. “Take these,” you say, barely looking as you try to hand Joel a few Advil while plugging in the heating pad at the same time. He grabs the pills from your hand and swallows them dry, and you glare at him before handing him the water you’d set on the side table for him. 

His eyes widen with guilt, and he takes several long gulps from the glass, trying to hide a groan that escapes with the effort of setting it back on the table.

“You’re in worse shape than I thought,” you say, frowning deeply, eyes full of concern.

“Stop your worryin’, meds and the heating pad’ll have me right as rain in no time, okay?” Joel assures you, letting you place the heating pad on the couch before easing him down onto it. He sighs deeply as he relaxes into the steadily growing warmth of it.

“There we go,” you say gently, giving him a smile.

“Now hold up your end of the deal, darlin’.” Joel’s eyes are expectant and mischievous - at the least you’re glad he seems to be feeling slightly better already. 

You simply smile, biting your tongue from giving him some kind of snarky comment and sit back down, returning yourself to his lap, sitting yourself between his legs and resting back into him. 

“All yours,” you say quietly, craning your neck back slightly to lean your head onto his shoulder. His lips gingerly touch the skin there, sucking right where your pulse comes through, and you moan, back arching slightly, but you’re careful to keep from putting too much weight on Joel’s hurting body right now. 

“Wanna be my little plaything so bad don’t you?” Joel murmurs as his hands come to your chest, groping gently at your breasts, testing the weight in his palms before he squeezes them again, running his thumbs over both of your nipples simultaneously. You squirm, thighs rubbing together as the sensation from your nipples seems to go straight to your clit, sending it throbbing for him already.

Joel is gentle and calculated with his moves now, lips soft as they ghost along your neck and shoulders, thumbs barely brushing your hardened pink buds. You whine over and over, already feeling like you could reach your high if he keeps this up.

“Open those legs f’me, sweetheart, Joel says, hands on your thighs, softly nudging them apart. You spread your thighs slightly, but Joel tuts. “Wider than that, darlin’, all the way, please,” Joel asks, and his use of ‘please’ catches you off guard, but you find you kind of like it for a change of pace. You slide your thighs over top of Joel’s, settling so that your legs are now spread open over top of his, landing on either side of his thighs. 

“Much better,” Joel coos in your ear before slowly sliding a hand down your front, tauntingly, teasingly making its way between your legs. You writhe, your breathing picking up when Joel slides a finger between your legs, groaning as the wet heat envelops it. 

“So soft n perfect f’me already,” he says shakily, finger traveling up your seam, sending you shuddering as it passes your clit. 

“Mmm,” you moan out. “Feels so good when you play with me.”

“I know it does, baby, this lil’ hole is just weepin’ for me, ain’t it?” Joel asks, lewdly playing with your wetness, sending squelching sounds throughout the otherwise quiet room. “Needs to be stuffed full of me so bad, poor baby.”

You nod eagerly, breath coming out more staccato now as Joel teases you. He pushes two fingers inside of you, sliding them in effortlessly and beginning to pump in and out. You moan breathlessly, squirming on his lap as your slickness coats his fingers and starts to run down onto his hand. Joel lets out a pleased hum near your ear and you whine in response. He increases the pace, grunting quietly with the effort as you try not to writhe too much on him for fear of hurting him.

“Fuckin’ Christ, baby, can’t take this. Need to fill you up,” Joel whines, his breath hot on your neck, movements becoming more erratic. “Feel so fuckin’ good, missed you too much, darlin’.”

You cry out as his fingers hook inside of you, a ‘come here’ motion that has your legs wobbling instantly as you shake on top of him. “M-missed you so much, Joel. Can’t get enough of you…” you breathe out, barely able to focus on anything but Joel’s thick fingers absolutely ruining you right now. 

“W-wait. But you can’t hurt yourself,” you add on, coming to your senses for a moment, worried about his back. “I’ll take care of you, I’ll let you use my mouth.”

Joel sighs, his fingers grazing your g-spot and you whimper. His free hand slides up your belly to your chest, cupping one of your tits, using his hand there to press your back into his chest a little more. 

“Can I just…” Joel says, a gruff and quiet voice coming out of him now. “Let me just put it in, I fuckin’ need this sweet little pussy wrapped around me.”

He pulls his fingers out so suddenly that you yelp quietly with the loss before he cups your needy cunt with his hand, pressing his palm down into you. You squirm a little, trying to get some friction from his rough skin on your clit. 

“Fuckin’ ruin myself to feel my cock in here, but y’know that already,” Joel says, grunting as he squeezes you tighter, your nipple between his fingers being pulled taut.

“Joel…” you cry out, “I’ll sit on it, make it all better for you, promise.” You turn your head to try and meet his eyeline, going in for a long, deep kiss that he meets eagerly. 

You lift your hips up, balancing yourself on either side of his thighs. “You won’t even have to move,” you assure him, “Just get to enjoy me.”

Joel’s hands wrap around your torso and his mouth presses to your back. “Always enjoy you, but I swear to God darlin’, I can barely move right now, got it? So no funny business here.”

“Right.” You nod a little too enthusiastically, further setting off Joel’s doubts that you won’t be able to just sit quietly on his cock. “Just wanna make you feel good.”

“My good girl,” Joel murmurs into your skin, peppering it with kisses. “How’d I deserve this?”

“Hush now, and get your cock inside of me,” you retort, and you can practically feel the surprise radiating off of Joel from behind you at your demanding attitude.

He tuts quietly and blows out a breath. “Yes ma’am,” he says with a chuckle.

You reach in between your legs, where Joel’s hard length is only covered by his boxer briefs, and your fingers itch with need as you wrap your hand around the fabric hidden heat of him.

“Shit,” Joel hisses through his teeth at your touch, arching his hips up into it before groaning in pain.

“Shh, just relax, baby,” you tell him, stroking him several times before pulling the waistband down, letting his cock spring out - red and throbbing, dripping precum for you already and you salivate instantly at the beautiful sight. 

“C’mon, now, sit pretty on this cock f’me,” Joel says, patting his lap impatiently. His cock juts up, immediately pressing against your slick folds when you lower yourself slightly, and you bite back a moan, lip pulled between your teeth. You position yourself over top of his bulbous head, just letting it touch your entrance and swirl your hips, letting your warm arousal start soak his tip. 

Joel moans unashamedly right in your ear, hands now clenched around your hips, squeezing tightly as you tease him. You rub back and forth, gathering more of your slickness onto him, letting it drip down until you know he can barely take it anymore from his labored breathing and tensing muscles. 

“Not - n-ot fuckin’ nice to tease,” he grits out, barely able to speak through clenched teeth. 

“You’ll have to teach me a lesson when you’re feeling better.” You smirk, and sink down slowly so that you can feel each bit of him entering you. Your breathing hitches as you get more and more full, and you hear Joel let out a sigh of his own as your wet heat surrounds him.

Joel’s breathing comes out shaky as your hips press flush with his again, seating yourself completely on his cock. You never fail to be surprised at just how full he makes you - it makes you feel equally insane in the moments you have it and in the ones you don’t.

“Oh, darlin’... fuck,” Joel whines, and you grin wildly, loving the way you’re affecting him right now. You lean back slightly, relaxing onto his chest in pure bliss as Joel keeps you full, his cock throbbing inside your equally pulsating cunt. Joel’s head dips to your shoulder, resting there, and his stubble sends goosebumps across your skin.

“Feels nice, don’t it?” he asks, his voice continuing to shake. He’s trying to keep it together, and you’ve rarely had a chance to see Joel fall apart quite like this, and it’s absolutely beautiful. His body is trembling below you, breath uneven as it fans across your neck, and you swear you can feel every inch of his cock throbbing inside of you, so much more so now that you’re just still. 

“I-it’s hard to keep still,” you say, biting the inside of your lip. 

“I know, I know, me too,” Joel replies soothingly, his palm rubbing up and down your spread thigh. “Let’s just enjoy it, hm? Distract ourselves,” he suggests, trying to turn his attention to the TV. You nod a little, trying to shift slightly to get more comfortable, the movement jostling you just enough that Joel lets out a sharp hiss, and you suck in through your teeth in sync. 

“S-sorry,” you choke out, biting your lip again, harder this time.

“No you ain’t,” Joel snarks, and you both chuckle softly, little movements of your bodies following with it and you both still immediately, eyes widening. A moan threatens to pass your lips as you feel a build up of pressure inside of yourself from Joel’s cock pressing on your walls, and you’re desperate for movement, desperate for friction in your clit as it throbs. 

“Fuck…” Joel breathes, his hand trembling slightly as he continues rubbing your thigh. “You- you're so wet, darlin’, I-I can feel everythin’.”

Your arousal coats his cock, a seemingly endless slickness pouring onto his shaft, starting to want to leak out around him, and you’re only getting more turned on, more antsy to start moving and grinding your hips. 

“Just focus on the TV, lemme enjoy ya,” Joel urges, and you take a deep breath, centering yourself despite the only thing you can feel being Joel inside of you, rock hard and wanting. You manage to glue your eyes to the screen, the droning voices of sports broadcasters reaching your ears, but you can’t hear a word they’re saying. You decide to close your eyes, continuing to rest back on Joel. A small whimper escapes you after a few minutes of trying to ignore the pressure inside of you, but Joel’s hands are all over your body, only making you ache deeper for him, a place deeper than he’s even filling right now that you aren’t sure how to reach. Joel’s own breathing has sped up, and you can feel him, warm and now damp with sweat, a wall of muscle behind you.

“Baby… fuck…” Joel says, fully panting now, “Makin’ me crazy, can feel your little hole flutterin’ f’me honey….” Joel pants for a few more moments, unable to catch his breath completely. “Oh you’re too good, baby, not gonna last like this.”

“Please, I wanna feel you come like this. I’ll feel everything.” You urge him on, your hips absolutely screaming at you to move, to do something. Your hand reaches behind you to his cheek, cupping it and scraping your fingertips along his beard. He buries his head in your shoulder, turning his lips towards your neck.

“I- shit,” Joel groans out, sweat coating his forehead, and you feel his hips twitch underneath you so you double down, pressing your body down into his, trying to give him as little room to move as possible.

“Just like this. Don’t move,” you assure him. You feel him nod into your shoulder, and a whimper passes through his lips that you’ve never heard before. You feel yourself clench around his length at the power trip you’re on, and Joel’s sounds become louder as you cunt tries to milk the orgasm out of him. Your own quiet moans intermix with his and you feel your walls squeeze him, a reminder of just how god damned full you are. 

“You’re so big, feels so fucking good…” you murmur, letting your fingertips trail along your leg. You snake a hand between your thighs, letting your finger just rest on your clit, the pressure heavenly in its aching state. You squirm enough that Joel notices, and his hands fly to your hips in a death grip. 

“Stop movin’, honey, fuck, please,” Joel begs, his panting, growling breaths stuttering out against your shoulders. 

“I can’t… it’s too much,” you whimper, squirming a little more. You’re close too, you can feel it, the overstimulation of Joel’s cock just pressing in the same devastatingly perfect spots inside of you is starting to get to you, a steady build of pleasure swirling in your stomach. 

“Come for me, Joel,” you whisper with a heady voice, turning your neck as much as you can to see his face. 

He lets out a soft whimper that trails off into a little moan, and you feel it all - his hips bucking up slightly into you, trying to press deeper even though there’s no more room left to give, his warm ropes of cum spilling into you, coating you, marking you as his. 

“Jesus,” you whisper, feeling your cunt clench around him as it tries to pull out everything he’s got. Joel breathes heavily against your back before flopping his head back with a satisfied sigh. You follow suit, resting back against him in exhaustion, and Joel winces and lets out a yelp. 

“My back, baby, careful,” he cries out with a grunt, and you sit forward instantly. 

“Shit, s-sorry.” You begin to lift your hips, Joel’s cock wet and heavy as it slides out of you, leaving you so much more empty than you’ve ever felt before. You could’ve lived just like that, full of him, held by him, for the rest of your days. 

“‘M sorry, honey, should’ve been able to…” Joel starts, his cheeks flushed and forehead shining still, but you shush him.

“That was perfect,” you say, smiling brightly to reassure him. You sit next to Joel on the couch, letting one of your arms drape around his torso. 

“Alright, that’s all you get today. Strictly resting the back from here on out, okay?” you say more sternly, rubbing his chest. 

“Oh, yes ma’am,” Joel chuckles, and pauses for a beat, deep in thought. “Look at you, honey. Can’t even believe sometimes this is the same girl I met in June. Bossin’ me around, now.” Joel’s eyes flash mischievously at you. 

“N-no, I just… I want you to feel good - feel better. Not bossing…” you stammer out, the sudden, unconventional compliment from him sending your mind scrambling and face going pink. You shrink down onto the couch slightly, feeling exposed.

“See she’s still in there,” Joel chuckles as you nervously fall apart in front of him, and you give him a shy smile reminiscent of the ones you had when you two first met. “‘S’okay, just givin’ you a hard time. I’ll be a good patient now.” Joel pinches your cheek quickly before letting out a long sigh, leaning back further into the couch and wincing slightly.

You spend the rest of the morning and afternoon coercing Joel into letting you take care of him, and by the evening, he’s complete putty in your hands. He’s fully accepted your care at this point - letting you remind him when to take the heating pad off again without any grumbling, throwing more Advil his way, reminding him to walk around every so often to keep the muscles moving. By the evening, when you offer to run out to pick up dinner for you two, Joel immediately protests with an uncharacteristic whine, swinging an arm around you to hold you down onto the couch.

“What if we jus’ ordered in, hm? Then y’don’t have to leave me,” he asks you, brown eyes going into full begging mode. Joel Miller giving you puppy dog eyes might just be your new favorite thing, you’ve decided, as you smile widely at the sight.

“Oh, you can’t look at me like that, then I’ll never leave,” you reply, tilting your head as you study this completely new expression on Joel’s face.

“That’s kinda the idea, sweetheart,” Joel says, smirking a little now, letting up on the absolutely soul crushing look he was giving you. 

“Well it’s working,” you snip teasingly. “I’ll stay with you then, won’t leave for even a minute.”

“Good,” Joel sighs in relief and relaxes back onto the couch, a satisfied grin on his face.

Joel hardly lets go of you the entire night, arms wrapping around you in any way he can, always pulling you back into him. Even while you’re sleeping, you stir several times when he presses you close again, the heat of his broad chest radiating into your back. You realize that he’s still awake, a restless energy radiating off of him. Your eyes flutter open and you see his eyes cast down, studying you as you turn your head to look up at him.

“What is it?” you whisper hoarsely. “Your back?”

“No, no, that’s feelin’ much better. Jus’ lookin’, go back to sleep now, darlin’,” he replies, smoothing a hand down the side of your head. You raise an eyebrow but feel too half asleep still to pay him much mind or find a retort to tease him with. Instead, you find yourself turning in his arms to face him, burying your head in his chest, warm and steadily moving with his breaths. His dusting of salt and pepper hair tickles your skin just slightly, not enough to bother you, just enough to remind you exactly who you’re close to right now. 

You suddenly feel restless as well despite your heavy eyes and the late hour, the image of the way Joel was just looking at you burned into your mind. Your heart lurches a little and peek your eyes open, yearning to catch him again as you tilt your head up to find his eyes meet you again in the dark of the room. 

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” you mumble accusingly from his chest. 

You feel Joel shrug a little bit around you. “Jus’ cant right this minute. Feelin’ like… I could lose you.”

“Lose me… wh-“ you stutter, trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes a few more times. “No, you aren’t. You won’t."

“Did it once,” Joel says solemnly.

“You never really lost me, though.”

Joel remains silent, his brow furrowed slightly, and you can see the deep set lines on his forehead through the little slivers of moonlight streaming in through the curtains. 

“You know that, right?” you ask, and Joel’s continued silence answers it for you before he gives a small shake of his head. 

“I was always yours… I knew I’d never get over it, even if I had moved on, I couldn’t move on from what you left me with, if that makes sense.”

“Suppose it does,” Joel says quietly.

“You’ve had…” you swallow, trying to push back tears that seem hellbent on escaping from your eyes. “A profound effect on me, Joel.”

“Oh, darlin’,” Joel responds, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Never would have moved on, either. Never…” he stumbles on the last few works, his mouth trying to work in as many kisses as he can on your hairline. 

“So we’re really doing this, right Joel? We’re… us again?” you ask, seeming like the answer is already sitting in this conversation you’d just had, but needing to hear it anyways.

“As long as it’s what you’re wantin’, sweetheart. I was all in last night… still am. Been all in since you let me into your life again. This ain’t just a one time lapse in judgment or somethin’, if that’s what you’re worried about. This is the whole damn thing for me.”

You swallow heavily, a knot stuck in your throat at Joel’s words. “You are, too,” you whisper hoarsely, burying your head into his chest again. “The whole damn thing.”

“God…” Joel whispers, his voice cracking underneath the hoarseness of it. “Thank you,” he adds on in a murmur, and you’re not sure who he’s even thanking at this point, but you can just feel the relief sink into his body as he relaxes, melting into you. 

After a while of laying in a comfortable silence, you finally start to doze off again, but Joel’s hand moves up your back to the back of your head, jostling you awake slightly. He’s sending loving strokes along your hair, his touch the most tender you’ve ever felt it somehow. It’s no softer physically than other ways he’s touched you, but the intention behind it shines through, flowing out of his fingertips and warming your skin. You can sense the thickness in the air, the way he’s looking at you with the care of still unspoken words, and you finally get the courage to blink sleepily up at him.

“Sweet girl…” he whispers, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, but his eyes are too entranced, mind too busy with his thoughts of you to fully commit to it. You give him a bright, closed lip smile, feeling the corners of your eyes crinkle as you sigh into the way he’s still delicately sliding his hand along your hair. 

He murmurs your name like a prayer on his lips and you know the next words out of his mouth, but you still buzz, the anticipation of watching his lips part in what feels like slow motion as you await the inevitable, world changing sounds that will fall from them. 

“I love you.” 

The words reach your ears in a kind of haze, as if they’re far away, quiet, and taking their sweet time to get to you. Your head suddenly spins, not realizing how deeply you’d needed to hear those words uttered from Joel’s tongue, and for how long. You’d known for months now you were madly, deeply, irrationally, infuriatingly in love with Joel Miller. It made you want to pull your own hair out some days, and others made you want to crawl as close as you could possibly get to him, to mold you into the same person, share the same skin. It was a sickening, panicked love - one you knew you could never live without unless you wanted a whole part of yourself to be missing. Rough but sweet, calloused but soft, all of the things that were you and Joel separately and you and Joel together. It hurt so badly that it started to feel good, to know you were loved by Joel. 

“I -” you mumble, the surprising sting of tears behind your eyes instantly brimming and threatening to fall. You blink quickly and suck in your breath, an added pressure to a body that already feels close to bursting with the whirlwind of emotions you feel right now.

“I love you.”

Joel lets your return of his sentiment sink in for several quiet moments, simply him breathing heavily with his forehead pressed against yours, eyes closed. 

“I-I’m not always good with sayin’ things how I need them to come out, so… c-can I show you?” Joel says, voice low as he shifts his body to turn so he’s completely facing you. 

“Show me?” Your heart picks up at his movement, the change in his tone, the tense air that surrounds the two of you. 

“How much… I love you.” He pulls you flush, your warmth mingling with his, your bodies close to practically becoming the same person. 

“J-joel…” you gasp out, feeling your lungs constrict and heart ready to burst out of your chest. He’s hard and soft everywhere, his muscles holding you tightly but lovingly - you’re so safe here, so beloved. His cock aches against you already, nothing separating the two of you since you’d both fallen asleep naked, the length of him pressing against your thigh. 

“Can I?” he asks again, not impatiently, but simply that he’s desperate to give this to you, for you to know what he’s feeling. 

“Yes,” you breathe out, nodding. “Show me.”

“So much… so much…” Joel’s words trail into a whisper as his lips meet yours, passionate but gentle, mouth immediately opening into yours. Long, sensual kisses as his tongue begs for entry and you permit it, nearly gasping at the way he feels right now - a tense control over himself, wanting to show you everything sweet he has in there, that his roughness can be loving, too. You can barely breathe, moaning into his mouth as your hips grind into nothing, seeking out more of him.

Your bodies meld together at once, his cock sliding between your legs as you both quickly solve the puzzle of the best way to interlock your bodies together, barely having to put any thought into it. It’s so natural with Joel, it always has been. Your hand slides under his neck and around to his back, leg thrown over his hip as he lays on his side, pulling you in closer. 

He teases you only a few times, dragging his hard length through your slit with a few lazy thrusts of his hips to gather up your arousal. At your whimpering noises he pulls his mouth off of yours to gaze at you with a heady stare.

“Lemme look at you,” Joel says, his hand coming up cup your cheek, a sense of home right in his fingertips. You lean yourself into it, sighing as you look into the familiar sight of his eyes, pupils blown out with need, but there’s a delicacy there, a desire beyond his usual hunger. His fingers curl around the back of your head as they gently grasp your hair into his hand. His eyes search your face, bouncing around your features, and you’re unsure of what he’s looking for, what he’s thinking. 

“Never looked more beautiful, baby,” he marvels, his voice a hoarse whisper as he slowly pulls his hips back and then pushes them forward, letting the head of his cock sit at your entrance for a moment before tentatively pushing in further. You gasp, clutching onto his back and digging your nails in at the slow, gorgeous stretch of him moving into you. You both breathe out shakily, a long sigh of relief at feeling the other’s body fitting so perfectly together. 

Joel’s lips find yours again with slow, tender kisses as he starts to move his hips. Your entire body shudders at the unhurried movements of his cock dragging in and out of you, slow and messy. His lips lose some of their accuracy now too, catching the corners of your mouth, inching down to your jawline and neck as he buries himself in you. You’re both letting every sound you need leave your lips, little moans and whimpers filling the room accompanied by the noises your bodies are creating together as you get impossibly more wet, coating him, leaking around him and down onto both of your thighs. 

“Jesus, Joel,” you whine, barely able to take just how heavenly it feels to be wholly his in this moment. 

Your eyes flutter as your pussy clenches around him, the gentle thrusts making you absolutely wild. Joel was right - you can feel every morsel of his love like this - the way he’s pouring everything he has into you now. 

“I’ll give y’everything, angel, make you so happy if you let me, oh f-fuck,” Joel stutters out, splaying his hand out on your lower back to help press you closer with each inward push he makes into your pussy. “Make you all mine, always, if y’let me, if y’want me to…” Joel sounds like he could nearly start to cry with the intensity of the moment, caught up in the way he’s expressing his emotions to you. 

“Always, always… want you, Joel,” you whisper back as you pant with need, starting to feel a warm heat coiling in your core. “Forever,” you say without a care, not bothering to think about the heavy meaning of the word, knowing you mean it well past the heat of the moment you’re in right now. Knowing you’d say it to Joel again and again in the light of day, the heat of the night, and any time in between. 

“Forever, angel.”

Joel’s thrusts gain speed, not much, but enough that both of you are edging closer to a climax by the second, the both of you panting promises to each other through all of the moans and whimpers. You’re both drenched in sweat, sloppy and wet all over, your bodies not offering an inch of space from the other as your lips clash over and over, barely even recognizing where any of your movements together begin and end. It’s pure perfection - beyond anything Joel has shown you before, reserved and only possible in a moment like this one. 

Everywhere Joel presses inside of you starts to ignite, your entire body becoming desperately taut as you feel a warmth tingling throughout you, spreading from where Joel is hitting so perfectly. 

“I’m gonna come, Joel, make me come, j-just like that,” you manage to say, your brain starting to go blank with thoughts of only Joel, only this pleasure. 

“Oh, honey, so good, lemme feel you,” Joel encourages you, keeping the exact pace he was on to get you over the edge. 

You cry out, long moans as everything snaps suddenly, and Joel’s arms wrap tightly around you, shielding you and pressing you into his chest as you shudder, your entire body overtaken by this pleasure. 

“Good girl, good girl, good girl,” Joel chants, pressing himself as deep as he can repeatedly, helping you ride out your high. He watches your face intently, the way your eyes are screwed shut and mouth agape, gasping and moaning for him. His hand grips tightly around your face, dwarfing it underneath his long, thick fingers. “Love my good girl.”

His words send you whimpering in ecstasy as you feel seemingly never ending waves of your climax hitting you, your cunt fluttering and squeezing Joel’s cock over and over. Joel gasps and you can feel his body shaking against yours, urged on by the way yours is responding to him. 

“Gonna come too… squeezin’ me so good like that…” Joel says, panting harder now. “Let me fill you up, get you full of me, baby.” Joel rambles on, his body purely concentrated on climaxing as he sloppily ruts his hips into you a few more times before burying himself to the hilt with a long grunt. 

“Fill me up,” you whine as you feel him spilling into you, nearly wanting to come again at how good it feels to have him give himself to you like this. A final groan and then Joel collapses, his body rolling further into yours and you sigh out a sound of pure contentment, letting yourself press back into Joel. He kisses your face, peppering you with languid, lazy presses of his lips, and you can feel his mind is scrambled, elsewhere right now.

“D’you see? What you do to me?” he asks quietly in between kisses.

You nod into him. “Same as what you do to me.”

He gives an exhausted chuckle and you can feel the smile tug on his lips as they sit against your skin. 

“I found your note,” you blurt out, unsure of where the thought even came from so suddenly. You feel Joel stiffen and then open your eyes to see the flash of recognition on Joel’s face and he softens even further.

“‘M glad you did,” he replies, his hand starting to stroke along your back. You feel goosebumps tickle you at his touch even with your skin still blazing and damp from the way he’d just fucked you. “Hate that y’read it at such a bad time, but I swear, meant every word of it.”

“I know you did. It… made me realize…” you say, trailing off into your own thoughts, remembering the mixed emotions of the day you’d read his words scrawled out for you, seeing on paper for the first time that he loves you.

“What, hm? Realize what?” he presses you, quiet and soft.

“It’ll always be you, Joel.”

He’d hardly let you out of his sight the entire week other than work, bringing you back home with him every night, and dropping you off to work in the morning. A man possessed, or re-possessed, you supposed, his hands finding you every chance they got - a commanding hand on your thigh the minute you got in his car, his grip tight around your waist the second the front door closed behind the two of you, lips finding any part of your skin he could see. 

He was frenzied yet controlled, somehow always a paradox of some sort with Joel. His fear of experiencing the loss he’d felt when you two were apart was too much for him to bear, too painful to even consider possible again, so he kept pulling you close, “I love you”’s whispered in the most mundane of moments - you’d heard it countless times over the last week, always happy to return the words. 

Now that you’d both said it, you were unstoppable. I love you I love you I love you. You think the words whenever you see him, a constant loop playing in the background of your mind. You speak the words when he catches your eye too long, falling like a mantra from your lips over and over, making sure he understands the truth of it all. You’re both desperately trying to make sure the other knows the depth of your obsession, your love, for each other.

You find yourself lost in your thoughts as you sit in the shade provided by the house’s shadow in the mid morning sun, feet tucked up under you on one of Joel’s cushy outdoor chairs. After practically keeping you at his house the entire week, today Joel insisted on mowing the lawn despite him complaining about his bad back the rest of the entire week. You’d done your best to keep him from overexerting himself, but if you’ve learned anything at all about Joel Miller, he’ll always be a stubborn man with a mind of his own. 

You clutch the most recent book on your to-be-read list in your lap, your other hand on a warm mug of coffee. Joel’s made another pot of it, just because you yawned one too many times, insisting that you needed more caffeine if you were going to keep up with the plans he had for you later. You take a long sip, savoring the flavor, the coffee tasting better only because the man you love made it for you. You peer up from your book, the loud buzzing of the lawn mower breaking through your concentration again, and you’re met with a sight you’d gladly let steal your attention any day.

Joel’s white shirt is soaking through with sweat, an unseasonably warm autumn day that had prompted Joel to do yard work in the first place. He pauses mowing the lawn to lift his shirt up, wiping the gathering perspiration from his forehead quickly, and as he grips the lawn mower again, he catches you watching him. His face instantly lights up, a sweet little smile that he only shares with you, like a secret language you’re learning to read better each day. When his expression suddenly turns a bit more devious, he makes sure to wipe his face off once more for good measure, giving you a free show of his glistening torso. His eyes taunt you after, brows raised expectantly for a few moments, and you return the gesture with your own brows, letting Joel know exactly how you feel about what you’re seeing. 

Something about the whole scene feels familiar, that odd sense of déjà vu creeping up on you and making the hairs on your neck stand up a little bit despite the heat in the air. You try to put your finger on it, and it’s not until your roaming gaze lingers across the fence, catching on the large oak tree in your parents back yard that it strikes you. 

The way you used to lay right there and watch Joel do the exact thing you are right now, and relishing in the sight all the same. Trying to be inconspicuous, thinking he’d never notice the neighbor girl trying to catch a glimpse as he sweat and glistened under the hot sun. You’d let your mind wander as you watched him, questioning what things would be like if you’d ever get the courage to speak to him, if he’d ever even give you the time of day. Oh, how wrong you’d been, how completely wrong to think Joel couldn’t look at you that way. 

You can’t help but marvel a bit at the memories, seeing where you are now, across that fence and having Joel go so far as to want you to watch him so blatantly now. Some things never change, but you realize that you surely have. You hardly recognize the girl you were back in June - so unsure of herself, wondering what she could be worth to anyone, let alone a man like Joel. But you now realized that while you’re certainly intent on keeping Joel around for… well, the rest of your life, at the least he’s left you with so much to carry on inside of yourself.

Joel catches your daydream-like expression as he finishes his mowing and approaches you. You now get a closer look at just how god damned handsome he is, and you feel lucky all over again, tears coming to your eyes unexpectedly. It nearly feels like a dream - the way the sun lights him up from behind, his broad form and muscles shining so delightfully, so pleasing to the eye. The way his face, every feature loved by you in its own special way, has already gone softer at seeing the tears in your eyes as he walks towards you. 

Everything about this little moment in time feels indescribable to you, nostalgia and tender heartedness and love overflowing inside of you. You grasp onto your current reality and hold on tight, wanting to live inside this day over and over if you can, wanting this one truth to stay feeling perfectly clear to you - you’re simply… happy. 

taglist: @paleidiot@mumma-moonchild@soph55 @chicville03@joelsversion@feliciab1990@fellinfromthetop@gossipgirl-03@sarap-77@blueseastorm @akah565​@pattwtf @scarletthefierce

i'm so sorry if ur tag doesn't work, i really don't understand why tumblr does this ><

[itsbeeble]

If I (Lovin Me pt 3)

Summary: Jeonghan has made so many mistakes. He’s let so many things slip away, so many things that he’s cherished. He won’t let that happen again. He won’t let you slip away from him anymore.

Genre: Angst, fluff, College!au

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x fem!reader (featuring Joshua, S.Coups, Hoshi, Mingyu, and DK)

WC: ~6.7k

Read other parts: pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3

WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT

Warnings: Alcohol consumption (not a ton though), mild flirting, Jeonghan is sad, reader is sad, everyone is sad, swearing, name calling (not the fun kind), a few mental breakdowns, the reader knows she was being manipulated and was somewhat okay with it (idk just read it), Joshua is flirty but like in a best friend kinda way, everyone knows Jeonghan and Y/N are simps, Jeonghan MEGA SIMP

Listen to If I by Seventeen for full effect

A/N: In honor of me reaching 300 followers, here is part 3 of Lovin me! I appreciate all of you for reading this and I hope you continue to enjoy my works <3

~

Our path, our promise to be together

Is already thwarted and you walk away, turning your back on me

It reduces to a single dot

It's too empty outside of that interest

I hope that that dot

Comes back before me and turns into you

“Have I ever told you how stupid you are?” 

Jeonghan is sitting on the couch, head down and his hands tangled in the strands of his hair. Across from him stands Joshua, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Seokmin. He barely makes the effort to listen to his friends as they yell at him. He wants to say that he doesn’t know where those words came from. He wants to say he didn’t mean to say any of that, that he was just mad and didn’t know what else to do. 

But that’s a lie. 

He knew exactly what he was saying. Though the reason he said it is something that can’t be found, he’d wanted to tell you that since the night of the party. 

“Are you even listening to us?” Soonyoung’s gaze is hard. There’s nothing but anger in his eyes, and Jeonghan feels the guilt beginning to seep into his bones again. “What the fuck were you even thinking?”

“Soonyoung,” Joshua, ever the voice of reason, cuts in. “Leave him be.”

“Shua—” A glare from the older man and Soonyoung shuts his mouth, leaving the room shortly after. 

“Seok, make sure Soonyoung stays out.” The other man doesn’t really say anything, just shoots Jeonghan a murderous look before stalking out of the room. 

There’s a certain tension building between the three remaining men. Jeonghan keeps his head down, avoiding the judging glare the Seungcheol obviously has glued on and the disgust that Joshua tries to force down and replace with pity. The two, having known Y/N a little more than everyone else, were rightfully angered. 

“Do you have anything to say to defend yourself?” 

Jeonghan finally lifts his head, his cheeks red from anger and embarrassment. He wants to scream and yell and throw things and hit the men in front of him. He wants to run out the door, find you, and fix things. He wants to do so much, but all he can do is bite back a sob. 

He’d never been a particularly emotional man. He’d never been one for crying, thinking that there was no point in being upset over something from the past. His family had always been stoic people, keeping their emotions to themselves and never letting the public see them come apart. Jeonghan had grown up the same way. Jeonghan had thought that he’d stay that way.

Then he met you.

Emotional. Broken. Crying over dogs that die in movies. He’d been disgusted by how open you were with your thoughts. Disgusted that you showed your struggles to the world and didn’t care if you embarrassed yourself.

~

The first time Jeonghan officially met you was in the spring of your sophomore year. He was a semester ahead of you and had convinced himself that he was far superior to every other student at this university. He’d seen you in passing, in some classes the semesters prior, and had bumped into you in the halls once or twice. Never had you spoken. Never had either of you thought the other was important. 

He approached you for the first time while you were studying for your Organic Chem final. You’d been crying quietly at the time, muffling your sobs with the sleeve of your sweater. It worked, mostly. But apparently, Jeonghan, from across the library, believed that you were far too loud and far too pathetic for his liking. 

“You’re weak.” He stares down at you, standing at the head of your table in the library while you try to stop your tears. You look up at him, tears not slowing and a confused pout on your face. His lip curls, anger washing over him in tidal waves. 

“Excuse me?”

“You’re weak,” he repeats. “Pathetic, really, that you’re crying over something so trivial.”

“Why do you care what I’m crying about?” You ask.

“Oh, I couldn’t give less of a shit about you,” he smiles, but it’s condescending. He doesn’t care what you feel after this, he just wants his opinion of you known so you can stay out of his way. “I care that you’re annoying as shit and bothering me while I try to get stuff done without listening to your pathetic blubbering.” 

You’re shocked, he can tell, but that just means that his words will sink in and hopefully you can shut up. 

Unfortunately, he underestimated you. And, unfortunately, he failed to see the iced coffee beside your textbooks until it was soaking into his hair and the crisp white button-down he’d made the fatal mistake of wearing that day. 

“Who…” he seethes, “the fuck do you think you are?” 

“Who do you think you are?” You snap back. “I didn’t fucking do anything to you, so why do you think you have the right to come over here and insult me? You don’t even know me you egotistical rich prick.” He would never have admitted it to you, but he’d admired how you stood up to him. How you didn’t bend to his will just because of who he was, what his reputation was. He’d admired that you didn’t even recognize him, although, at the same time, it bothered him to no end. Jeonghan wanted you to know him. He wanted to break that strong will of yours, no matter what it took. 

Especially now that you’d dumped coffee over his head and forever stained his favorite shirt.

~

It was months later— September of your junior year, to be exact— that he allowed himself to let his guard down for the first time. At least, for the first time in front of you, of all people. Jeonghan, frankly, couldn’t help the disgust overwhelming every other emotion when you’d approached him outside his frat’s party. He’d tucked himself away, out of the view of all partygoers, hidden by the branches of an old oak tree. His heart beat rapidly, slamming against his ribs time and time again until he thought the bones were going to break. 

A crunch in the leaves behind him and he flinches, tearing his head out of his hands to wipe the tears from his eyes. 

He catches sight of you, and you him. 

You’re wearing a skirt much too short and a shirt far too tight to be considered comfortable. You walked in heels far too tall for your feet to stay stable in, and he watches you wobble over to him. He can’t find it in him to scoff or laugh or mock you. He lets you sit beside him, playing with your thumbs and not saying anything. 

You listen to him cry, but you don’t make fun of him as his family would. You don’t comfort him. He’s grateful to you. He’d never admit it, but he was grateful that you just sat there quietly. 

He lets his head slip down and rest on your shoulder, and he feels you tense up. Jeonghan half expects you to shove him off, with how he’d treated you. 

You don’t. 

The next day, you went back to normal. He knew it hurt you when he started openly berating you again, mocking the way you dress and the way you talk. He saw the tears pricking in your eyes and scoffs. How dare you think that things would be different. How naive could one possibly be?

After your class together, though, he’d made excuses to his friends so he could catch up to you. They didn’t question him. They never did. 

“Hey,” he called out to you. The halls were near empty. Most people were either studying or in class, so nobody would see him approaching you. 

You turn to him, your eyes narrowed. 

“Yes?” Your answer is simple, your voice quiet but clearly annoyed. He frowns. 

“I just— I hope you know that last night changed nothing about how I feel about you.” You raise an eyebrow, and he goes to speak again, but you interrupt him. 

“Why do you hate me so much?” He runs his tongue over his lip and shrugs. 

“Because you’re easy.”

~

“I told her she was easy.” Jeonghan looks between Joshua and Seungcheol with this…distraught look on his face. “I told her that she was an easy target. Like she was someone that was meant to be used.” Joshua mumbles some curses under his breath and pinches the bridge of his nose, stepping away momentarily. 

“When did you say that?” Seungcheol asks quietly. Jeonghan can practically feel the rage building inside the older man, can feel it bubbling up inside him and waiting to boil over. 

“During…while I was talking to her. I told her just a little bit ago and— and I told her that a few months ago. Back when we first started this whole thing.” More tears are beginning to well up. He can feel them starting to roll down his cheeks but his body is shaking so badly he can’t move. “She knew from the start that I hadn’t given a shit about her. Why did she— why would she agree to that arrangement if she’d known I was just using her?”

“Because she cared about you, Jeonghan.” Joshua snaps. “Because even though she knew you hated her, she also knew that you felt you had no one who could help save you from yourself. She saw that you were just killing yourself slowly, from the inside out, and she wanted to help you no matter what it cost her.”

~

“Y/N?” A tap on your shoulder and you flinch, jolted out of the trance your econ textbook had you in. Joshua stands to your right, two coffees in hand and his backpack over one shoulder. You smile at him and he sets the drinks down, away from any of your papers. “I figured you’d need something to keep you going.” A pretty smile, one that would have anyone’s heart fluttering. 

Yours wasn’t excluded from that.

“I appreciate that, Joshua.” His bag drops to the floor, and he watches you for a few moments. He watches you spin the cup he’d set closer to you, tracing your nail across the lid while you highlight any information that stood out to you within the pages. There’s no discomfort between you two. There’s no elephant in the room. You know why he’s there, but you also know he’s not there for Jeonghan. He’s there for you. 

“Are you…Are you doing okay?” Your eyes flick up to his again and you shrug.

“Good as I can be. You heard what he said. I know you did.” He nods slowly. 

“Yeah…” You smile sadly.

“I should’ve known it, really.” Joshua’s head jerks back slightly, his eyes narrowing at you to try and figure out what you mean. “That he didn’t really care about me.” 

“That’s not true, Y/N.” Joshua shakes his head and you shrug again.

“Sure it is. I mean…I don’t doubt that I was a form of comfort for him and that he grew attached, but at the end of the day I didn’t do much more than that. I was different. I was something that he wasn’t used to, and he liked that. Maybe that thought somehow convinced him he was in love with me but that’s…I don’t believe he did. Because if he loved me, why was he saying those things to my face? Why was he…why was he so cruel?” 

Your eyes are beginning to sting with the presence of tears, and you use the sleeves of your shirt to wipe them away. Joshua watches you sadly and curiously. You want to laugh. Only a year ago, you’d been in a similar position with Jeonghan. Him crying under that stupid oak tree with you watching him and not saying anything. 

“I don’t know, Y/N…I truly…” Joshua inhales and sinks back into his chair. “I wish I could give you some kind of explanation for the things he did. He’s…he’s always been a bit rough around the edges. He’s only started opening up to us because of you. Because you taught him that it’s okay to feel things like that.”

“I didn’t teach him shit.”

“That’s not true, baby.” He shuts his mouth when the name slips out, and he waits for you to correct him. When you don’t, he continues. “You taught him what it felt like to love someone, whether it was romantic or a form of obsession. You taught him that it was okay to cry. That it was okay to want things, to need things.”

“I’m not going to forgive him, Joshua.” 

“I’m not asking you to.” He leans forward. “I’m asking you to see from his perspective why he said those things. I know that it’s no excuse. I know he should’ve just ignored you from the start if he knew he was gonna speak so horribly to you. But he didn’t, and that led to both of you getting hurt. I want you to just…Just try to understand a bit more about him, okay?”

You dig the nail of your thumb into the side of your index finger, ignoring the sting it sends through your nerves. 

“I just wanted to help him.” 

“I know, baby. I know.” 

“Why did he…Why did I let this happen?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. He just…he isn’t the easiest person in the world to get along with.” You try to laugh but it comes out in a quiet sob. You raise your hand to your mouth, biting into your skin to keep yourself quiet, and Joshua moves to the chair next to you. You let him pull you into his arms, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulders and the other running up and down your back. In the back of your mind, you wonder if this is why Jeonghan is so cruel. He never had anyone to truly comfort him. He never had someone to smother his doubts and worries, to give him a hug when he was struggling. You can’t help but wonder what he’d be like if he’d received that love. Would he have been kinder? Would he have loved you the way he repeatedly claimed to?

You don’t know. And, now, you don’t really want to.

~

“What did she say?” Jeonghan is pacing the span of his bedroom, biting the nail of his thumb until there’s practically nothing left to bite. Joshua sits in the middle of the older man’s bed, legs crossed and body leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. “Was she mad? Did she ask to see me? Did she yell?” A hundred questions are running through Jeonghan’s mind, and Joshua attempts to keep up with the ones that manage to slip out of his lips. 

“She wasn’t…mad, per se?” He’s questioning himself before he even begins. “She was more, like, sad. I think. She was sad and confused. Just like you! Man, you guys are perfect for each other!” He attempts a joke, but Jeonghan just scowls. 

“You’re not funny, Hong Jisoo.”

“I know.”

“What else did she say?”

“She…She was really set on the fact that you chose her, of all people, to use. But she also knew from the start why. She wanted to help you, at first. To help you break out of the shell you’d created around yourself. And then she let it go too far and, well, here we are.”

“So she doesn’t forgive me?” Jeonghan leans against his dresser and tips his head back with a sigh. Joshua watches him carefully, gnawing on his lip in thought. 

“Not yet, at least. I think you just… I think you need to put in the effort to fix things. I don’t think apologies are really gonna do anything anymore. Especially not with what happened last time you tried to fix things.” 

“You’re still not funny.” Jeonghan hisses. Joshua scoffs and sits up straight. 

“I wasn’t kidding. Han, you’re on a losing streak in terms of apologies. Every time you even try, you make things worse for yourself and for her. I want to help you, but if you keep fucking up then I can’t! I won’t sacrifice my friendship with her because you decided to be a fucking moron!”

Joshua’s voice echoes around the small bedroom, and Joshua throws his body back onto the mattress. He knows he shouldn’t have gotten himself involved in the situation. Knows he should’ve stayed away from you in the first place, no matter how drawn to you he was. But Jeonghan is his best friend. How can he leave his best friend to suffer like this while he prances around, flaunting the fact that he’s able to stay in Y/N’s life and Jeonghan isn’t?

That’s cruel. And no matter what Joshua thinks of his best friend at this moment, he won’t lower himself down to Jeonghan’s level. Not now, not ever. 

“So what’s the plan?” Jeonghan is laying by Joshua’s head, his legs dangling off the edge of the mattress.

“Plan?” Joshua echoes, his head turning to look at the older man as best he can. 

“You know, the plan to help me fix things?” Jeonghan frowns. “You do…have a plan…right?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I have a plan.”

~

You walk into your lecture hall the next day, and there’s a muffin and coffee in front of your seat. Just plain black coffee and a chocolate chip muffin. Nothing special, except for the bright blue sticky note attached to the paper cup. Your first thought is that someone put it by the wrong spot, that it was for someone else that sits near you. 

You lift the note a little, trying to find any clues as to who this could be for. A name for the recipient, a name from the sender. Anything. Fortunately, you find both. Scrawled in messy handwriting is a note for you. 

It’s hard to ESPRESSO my feelings for you, sweetheart,

But MUFFIN compares to you <3

Enjoy the coffee and the muffin, 

I know you have a lot of classes today

I love you.

~ JH

Your second thought of the day is to tear up the note and throw away everything he left on your desk. Anger and confusion are beginning to boil inside you, but you know you can’t let it show. Not when he walks in just moments later with Joshua and Seungcheol in tow. There’s no girl hanging off his arm this time. In fact, for the first time since he’s met you, he gives a smile and a small wave. You don’t return the actions, just sink into your seat and lower your head so you can’t possibly lock eyes with him so you won’t have to interact with him.

Unfortunately, he sits down right next to you. He doesn’t say anything to you. He just sits down and, shockingly, takes out his laptop and a notebook. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye but look toward the front of the room just moments later. He’s comfortable. You can tell just by the way he smiles and lets himself lean back in his chair. He’s usually sitting up straight, eyes straight forward and lips drawn into a line. 

People are staring at the two of you. People are whispering, just quiet enough that you can’t hear what they’re saying about you. You imagine that they’re shocked, confused, and a bit upset that he chose you instead of them. If only they knew the extent of your relationship.

You wish that you could push him out of his chair, tell him to fuck off, and leave you again like you’d told him to only a few days prior.

But you can’t. Embarrassing the so-called king of the school would set you aside as a social outcast and you would likely be relentlessly harassed for the rest of your time here. 

Instead, you choose to push the coffee and muffin aside and focus on the lecture up front. You ignore Jeonghan, and how he examines your side profile. You ignore how your stomach growls and the smell of the muffin is growing stronger. You won’t cave. Not to him. Not anymore.

~

The next day, you walk into your first class and there’s another muffin. Joshua sits in the chair beside yours, and he looks up with a smile when you approach. 

“Someone left you something,” his tone is teasing while he pushes the wrapped treat toward you. You scoff and push it back toward him. 

“I don’t want it. You have it.”

“He doesn’t want me to have it,” Joshua argues and shows you the little sticky note on the coffee. “Look! Words cannot ESPRESSO how much you BEAN to me, sweetheart! Isn’t that so cute?” 

“I hate you. And I hate him too.” You drop your bag and slump forward. Joshua pushes both items in front of you one last time and rubs your back comfortingly. “I don’t understand him, Shua.”

“Eh, does anyone?” A sigh from you, but no response. You’re too tired to deal with this. Too tired to care that Joshua would absolutely be telling Jeonghan about his success. You take a sip of the coffee and your eyebrow arches. You’d never told Jeonghan your coffee order. 

“How the fuck did he figure out what my favorite coffee order was?” You shoot an accusing glance at Joshua who just rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t tell him anything. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he paid as much attention to you as you did him?” 

“No.” You say flatly. “He didn’t pay attention to me. He hated me, remember?” Joshua grimaces and you turn to the front of the room. 

~

The week continues like that. Jeonghan would leave a coffee, a stupid note, and a muffin at your seat during your first class. If he shared that class with you, he sat right next to you. He tried to make conversation once, his voice and hands shaking while he did so. He was so nervous to just say hi, and you were cold in the way you shot him down. He didn’t waver, however. He kept that quiet, relaxed confidence up. You were almost impressed by how persistent he was. 

Almost.

Friday night rolled around, and you were already on your way to the Sigma Tau frat to meet up with Joshua. You knew there would be a lot of people there, knew that too many students would be getting drunk off their asses before finals started on Monday. You weren’t going to exclude yourself. You knew you had friends to keep an eye on you, but you also knew how to pace yourself so you could have a good time but not put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

Still, though. You were nervous. Nervous that Jeonghan would corner you again and try to talk to you. You were nervous that you, in your soon-to-be inebriated state, would find it in you to forgive him for everything. 

“Just stick with me,” Joshua reassured you. “I won’t let him bother you too much.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t let him bother me at all,” you mutter and pull your skirt down slightly. It was still early May, so the lingering low temperatures of winter bit at your skin and raised goosebumps in its path. 

“You know that I won’t be able to stop him from approaching you. He always finds a way, baby.” Joshua squeezes your waist while he guides you through the crowd. Already you can spot Jeonghan laughing with the other guys in the frat, drinking some ungodly concoction Vernon had thrown into his cup. Seungcheol spotted you first and subtly shifted his body to hide you from his friend’s view. “I can, however, keep him from finding you for a little bit.”

“You’re an angel, Shua.” You smile at him, and he throws a wink at you. “So what has our friend Vernon mixed up tonight?” You lean over the counter and Joshua stands across from you. People bump into you while they stumble by, some people already plastered and others trying to help their plastered friends. 

“Something with a lot of tequila,” he points at one of the three large containers, “something with a lot of rum,” he points at the middle container, “and something with a little bit of every alcoholic drink we have. Just for fun.” He points at the final container

“Ooh, sounds…” you make a face and Joshua laughs.

“I know. But, you know Vernon, he likes experimenting.”

“I’ll bet.” You drum your fingers on the counter and point at the first container. “I’ll start with some of that…mixture?”

“Coming right up, babe.” Joshua grabs a cup for you and starts to get your drink. Both of you make a face at the odd red liquid that pours out, but your friend is quick to sniff it and take a small sip. “Good news, it isn’t poison!” 

You take the cup from his hand and take a sip as well. A grimace passes over your face almost immediately. 

“Bad news,” you clear your throat, “I’m gonna be absolutely off the walls from whatever he put in this.”

“Wasn’t that your goal?” Joshua comes up beside you again, that pretty smile of his making you blush a little bit. Under the purple lights, however, it’s nearly impossible to see the redness in your cheeks. 

“You ask a lot of questions, Shua.” 

“And yet you still give me the answers I want.” You shove his arm, but he hardly budges from his spot. He just smiles and laughs at your annoyed pout, and guides you back to where the crowd is growing thicker. Jeonghan sees you now, you know he does. His eyes are practically locked on you, his mouth practically hanging open. You see Seungcheol mouthing an apology from across the room, and you nod to acknowledge it. 

You figured he’d find you at some point, you just didn’t think it would be so soon. You thought you would at least be tipsy. You hoped you would have been drunk. 

But no.

You’re stone-cold sober, and he’s staring at you with this longing look in his eyes. You look away first, and Joshua frowns. 

“He found you?”

“Yeah.”

“Surprised he didn’t immediately come over here and start kissing your feet and begging you for forgiveness.” You both watch a girl approach Jeonghan, and Joshua gasps loudly when he pushes the girl away. You can tell Jeonghan said something harsh to her, just based on the way she quickly runs back in the direction she came from to hide in her group of friends. 

“Jesus, that was cold,” you remark. Joshua hums. 

“I told you, he isn’t interested in anyone else but you.”

“Not this again, Shua.” You groan and let your head fall back. 

“I’m just saying—”

“Just stop! It isn’t…I won’t do this again!” Joshua stands his ground this time, staring down at you with stern eyes and crossed arms.

“I’m not saying that you need to forgive him immediately and start fucking him again.” You scowl.

“Then what do you want me to do, Shua?”

“I want you to just…start over? I guess? Just start over with him. Reintroduce yourselves, and forget your whole history together. Start as friends, or fucking date, or whatever works for you. Just…just don’t do this shit where you guys— and not just you, because this wasn’t your fault. I don’t want you to think I’m blaming you because I’m not— just don’t force us all to choose between you and him, because that would end up hurting more people than necessary. I don’t care if you talk and decide to be anything to each other, just don’t let this go any farther.”

~

The lights have become blinding, the music deafening. A headache is beginning to form, creating an ache behind your eyes. You lost sight of Joshua hours ago, although you don’t doubt he’s with the other boys in the frat. Odds are, he’s gotten himself drunk and forgotten all about his promise to not leave you alone. You don’t mind though, you’ve grown comfortable in your little corner of the room, out of sight and away from the eyes of the other partygoers. Your plans of getting drunk are long forgotten, now thinking too hard about what Joshua told you.

“Have you seen Jeonghan?” Mingyu stands in front of you, a drink in his hand and his teeth gnawing on his lip. 

“No, not since earlier. Why?” You look up at Mingyu, your lips twisted into a puzzled frown.

“He’s been missing for, like, an hour. Nobody’s seen him apparently. Figured I’d ask you since you’d been staring at him for three hours.” You scoff at the comment and cross your arms. 

“I wasn’t staring at him.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Mingyu nods as if he believes you, but you know good and well that he doesn’t, and he doesn’t really care either. “Anyway, last we heard is that he was drunk off his ass and trying to talk to you, I think. I dunno. Something about a mental breakdown?” 

Your throat began to close, but you forced yourself to speak again.

“I have no idea where he is, Mingyu, and I don’t plan on searching for him.” That’s a lie. You both know it just based on the way your eyes flick toward the back door and your teeth gnaw on the corner of your lip. A small, almost pitying smile crosses the tall frat boy’s lips. 

“Well, if you see him, tell him that we’re waiting for him to play pong.”

“Will do.” He tries to slip through the crowd, but his bulky frame bumps into several different guests, which causes him to spew out a variety of different apologies until he makes it to the dirty plastic table that had been set up on the other side of the room. 

You know you shouldn’t find him. Every instinct in you is screaming for you to just stay where you are, find Joshua, or just leave the house. But a small piece of you, something so minuscule you almost don’t feel it, is asking you to please find him. Make sure he’s okay. Don’t let him suffer on his own again as if you hadn’t been suffering on your own for months. Years, even. 

You stare down at the drink in your cup, the ice in it now melted to create a watered-down tequila mixture. You know you won’t drink it. Know that it won’t do anything to provide you with the courage you need to do this. 

~

The music is muffled now that you’re outside, but your ears are ringing from the sudden change in noise level. You’re shocked to see no one out here. Usually, there’s a bit of a crowd trying to escape the noise and have a quiet conversation. You’d think that more would be out here just to enjoy the weather after a brutally cold winter. 

But there’s no one. 

Probably ideal for the conversation you’re about to have.

You inhale quietly, staring at the oak tree that’s barely twenty feet from where you stand. The branches have begun to grow leaves, shielding anyone who might be under it. Shielding Jeonghan, who you know is tucked behind the trunk and isolating himself. That’s what the two of you would always do if you wanted to get away from the noise. One of you would sneak out of the house, out of the view of the guests, and tuck yourselves behind the tree. The other would join a few minutes after. It didn’t matter which of you wanted to leave, somehow both of you ended up under the tree at the end of every party, waiting for everyone to go home or go to bed.

“Jeonghan?” Your voice comes out quieter than you intend it to, but it’s enough to get his attention. You see his head lean to the side, almost laying completely on his shoulder. His dark strands of hair fall to one side of his head, a shine catching on them from the lights of the house. “What are you doing out here?” 

“Getting away from the party.” His voice isn’t slurred, which is a good sign. He’s probably had a few drinks but nothing to keep him from talking to you. “Too loud in there these days. They’re gonna go deaf.”

“They’ll be fine. Are you okay?” You don’t sit beside him. You don’t make any moves to be anywhere but five feet in front of him, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet. You wait for the discomfort of the situation to set in, but it doesn’t. 

Not yet, anyway.

“Peachy.” You can see a cup of something next to him, pressed between two large tree roots. “You?” He doesn’t look at you. Not in the eyes, anyway. He’s scanning your body from head to toe, likely trying to figure out if you’re actually with him. 

“Let’s get you back inside. The boys want to play pong and they need you in there.” You avoid the simple question. When you look at him again, he looks…sad. Broken, really. You stick your hand out for him to take, and he looks at it with furrowed eyebrows.

You stay like that for a few moments. He sits against the trunk of the tree, staring at your outstretched hand thoughtfully. You stand a few feet away from him, your arm beginning to ache and the air beginning to bite at your skin. 

“Remember the first thing I said to you?” He finally asks. You drop your hand and sigh. 

“You called me pathetic.”

“I called you weak.” he corrects. “There’s a difference.”

“Not a big one.” He rolls his eyes. 

“Do you know why I said that?” Your heart is beginning to ache. You know he’s going to tell you all the reasons he hated you as if you weren’t aware of them already. “Because I was jealous of you.” 

“You were jealous?” Your nose scrunches and you move closer to him, out of pure curiosity. He watches you take a seat next to him, flinches when your arms brush together. “Why?”

“Because you were everything I wasn’t.” 

“Right, because you weren’t free to feel things.” Your neck cracks when you turn to look at him. Jeonghan laughs and nods.

“I guess so, if you wanna make me sound like a robot.”

“You might as well be.”

“Don’t be rude.”

“I think I’ve earned this.” He goes quiet, and you wonder if you’ve said the wrong thing. If you took it a step further than you should have, and now he’s going to hate you and your whole friend group will be forced to pick sides, just like Joshua said would happen. 

“You think too much,” he’s looking at you now and when you lock eyes, he doesn’t look away. 

“Maybe.”

“I always kinda liked that about you. The way you think about everything. But sometimes you think too much, and you get lost down this rabbit hole that no one can pull you out of.”

“I mean if you put it like that…”

“Don’t go thinking on me now,” he nudges you and you smile. “Don’t wanna have a conversation with a brick wall.”

“Oh ha ha,” you pick at the skin around your thumbnail and lean your head against the bark of the tree. “Isn’t it weird how…even with everything that happened, you’re still the person I’m most comfortable with?” 

“What about Joshua?” Jeonghan sounds bitter, but you know he isn’t. He knows you would never like Joshua, at least not how you like him. 

“Nah, he doesn’t get me like you do.”

“Careful now, you almost sound like you love me.” still. You almost sound like you love me still. You know that’s what he wants to say, with the way he cuts himself off like he was punched in the gut. The way his eyes water just slightly, and when the light hits them just right it looks like they’re shining brighter than the stars above the two of you. 

“Oh, wouldn’t that be a scandal?” Your voice is soft now, and neither of you laughs this time. There’s a sad cloud floating above you two, waiting to pour down rain and drench the two of you. 

“I really am sorry, sweetheart.” Your heart swells when he says that. Your throat closes up once more and you have to take a moment before you speak. “I didn’t mean anything that I said to you that day.”

“You did, though.” He opens his mouth to argue but you place your hand on his knee to stop him. “You did mean it, you just…didn’t exactly intend to say it. Yes, it hurt to hear it out loud for the first time. Yes, I hate you for saying it and confirming what I already knew. But…it isn’t necessarily your fault. I mean, it is, but also it isn’t. You can’t help that you were raised like that. You can’t help that you resented me for being able to feel what you wanted to. You didn’t…you didn’t receive the same love as I did when I was growing up, and that isn’t your fault. What is your fault is how…you didn’t tell me anything. I had to find out from people around us why you hated me so much. I had to find out from Joshua that…that you did love me, you just didn’t know how to show it or prove it.”

“I know, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry.” A tear slips from his eye and you smile when you wipe it away. Your hand lingers, and he presses his cheek into your palm. You feel him exhale a warm breath of air and his eyes shut. 

“I know you are. And I want to forgive you, Hannie, I do. It’s just…it’s going to take some time.”

“I know,” he place his hand over yours and squeezes lightly. “I know it will.” 

A comfortable silence washes over you, and you feel a cold breeze wash over your skin. Your body trembles from the cold and Jeonghan frowns at you.

“Why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

“To be fair, I thought I’d be inside the whole time and it gets very warm in there.” Jeonghan scoffs and starts to remove his jacket, despite your quiet protests. 

“You need to start bringing a sweatshirt or something to keep you warm. You know we come out here a lot, so why didn’t you think of this?” He scolds you, forcing you to slip your arms into his jacket while he does. It’s a few sizes too big for you and the sleeves go fast past your hands, but you don’t mind. It’s warm, and comforting, and honestly you might not return it to him. 

“I’m sorry.” You lean your head on his shoulder, and he stiffens for a moment. “I’m sorry for not understanding.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong. Your lack of understanding is my fault, and mine alone. I didn’t…I just didn’t trust you enough, which I see was a mistake.” His hand rises to touch the back of your head, his fingers rubbing where your hair has been tied and relieving the ache that had begun to form. You feel him starting to relax against you, his shoulders sinking and his legs slipping down to lay flat across the grass. You hear a door open behind you, and a few laughs. On instinct, you start to pull away, but Jeonghan’s grip tightens, keeping you secured to him. 

You expect him to make a comment. You almost want him to. 

Instead he looks toward the sky, partially blocked by the low-hanging branches and smiles.

“The stars are pretty tonight, aren’t they?” You lift your head to look at him. He keeps his eyes facing forward, but the hand he has in your hair slips down to your shoulder and he draws you into him.

You smile before you respond.

“Yeah, I guess they are.”

If we can walk this path together again

I want to hold your hands and give you warmth

If I hold your cheeks with warmed hands

Will you smile again for me?

~

TAGLIST: @woofie-nctzen-fanarts-320 @dearlyjin @joenghaniee @mikachu-chu @listxn @youre-on-your-ownkid @ti--red @springdaybreaks @momoxxchewz @rum-gone-why @everyoneluvscheol @dr3aluv5 @shiningstar-byulxx @preets-kpop-world @fragmentof-indifference @stfuayu @fanfic24

[bubblybloob]

So, which run from Scarlet Hollow would you say has been your favorite until now? Any favorite trait/trait combo?

Favorite combo was the first I took of course, Mystical and Talk to Animals! You get to be so weird and everyone is so put off by your antics!

Some long ass rambling and spoilers below!

Individually, TTA can feel a little useless at some points, it’s never a passive ability so you only get use out of it when there’s animals around. It especially feels lacking in chapter 2, where there are two instance of running into wild animals (the bird and the bats) that feel weird since you don’t get to pause and chat with them and they don’t say anything noteworthy about ditchlings, the mines, the town, etc.

I get why it can feel like that, you don’t want players to feel they made a mistake choosing talk with animals by not having animals appear throughout a chapter, but you also don’t want player’s who didn’t choose it feel like they’re always missing out on important stuff by having too many animals.

I really think they should let more passive thoughts with TTA occur. The only instance I can recall of it appearing as a thought is if you’ve had Sybil’s tea and it’s like “she won’t judge you for your quirk :), go talk to her”. It caught me so off guard when I first saw it and Mystical pointing out that my thoughts were all weird made me almost stand up like “WHAT”. But even though it doesn’t sound like TTA would have passive moments where it’s not directly in action, I think it should, maybe our character is privy to random facts woodland critters have told us, or we’re more in tune with nature or something. Idk, it’s not useless and it’s incredibly hard to compare it to the other traits cause it essentially makes previously non-characters like Dustin or the Goat into characters, that’s something no others trait does.

Now for my more positive thoughts on TTA, damn is proving you can actually understand animals at the library so satisfying, and it stays satisfying as Kaneeka slowly comes to believe it herself over the course of the chapters! I'm so glad it seems to be getting taken more seriously by the characters as the chapters pass, we start by getting introduced to the trait in chapter 1, then we don't use it much in the second, then we get to talk to the mayor and, if Gretchen is alive, get the knowledge that something is up with Reese. And then we can learn that the PASTOR TALKS TO ANIMALS TOO. In chapter 4 visiting Pastor Daniel is great, I love that the game is setting up for TTA to have more of a spotlight.

Now Mystical. Mystical is probably my favorite trait. I've heard some people say it feels useless early on, and I think those people may not have played with it in their first run, cause going in blind with mystical makes you aware of a lot of stuff, like knowing someone will die out on the trails on Monday before it actually happens made me so tense, and knowing something is suspicious about Sybil when she gives you that look, or that "You're finally back where you belong" sending the shivers of foreboding up the spine!

It gives you longer visions if you have it (and are drinking Sybil's evil tea), so it's great for me who loves theorizing and lore. And the channeling of Charlie’s spirit in his funky funhouse of fright? That whole sequence with the seance options is what truly got me hooked on the game.

I also love how it seems mystical MC’s can be a little frustrated by chapter 4? The whole “hopefully my powers will finally do more than make me unwillingly channel ghosts” makes you sound so fed up with how not only are you forced into knowing things will happen and having no control over it, but also fed up with how no one takes you seriously. Like Stella seems a little excited at the prospect you could be a psychic when meeting Duke, and Avery is chill with everyone so they don’t judge you, but everyone else brushes you aside or looks at you weird. Also Sybil, fucking Sybil trying to make me feel my abilities are less than her’s during the tea reading. Lady I will find a way to have me and your daughter mystic blast you, you can’t even do anything without making people drink tea, suffer.

Anyway sorry for the rambling! I’m obsessed with this game, so much so I joined the discord, I rarely join stuff like that due to nerves, so that’s how you know the brainrot is REAL.

[runa-falls]

Congrats on your milestone, em!!! 🥳💖

If you feel so inspired, I'd like to request a blurb using the following prompt:

“this isn’t what i had in mind when i yelled fuck you.” + Poe Dameron 👀

Thank youuuu 💕

hihi whitney :3 thanks for joining in! this one is a bit longer than a blurb but i can't help it!

cw: smut (18+), friends (with minimal benefits)-to-lovers, jealous!poe, angst, alcohol, fluff?, fingering, hickies, panty sniffing (IDK WHERE TF THIS STUFF I COMING FROM ??), kissing, anddd not proof read

wc: 2.3k (???)

a/n: honestly poe is kinda an asshole in some of this but imma connect it to his commitment issue bc he's afraid to lose the reader idk

--

poe has never given you a straight answer about the two of you, and for a while it didn't matter.

for a bulk of your friendship, there's been the ongoing war between the first order and the resistance, so there was never time to sit down and talk about it, or take it any further than what it was.

and what is was, was a pair of kissing friends.

it's confusing. the words "kissing" and "friends" don't usually go together. either it's a 'mistake' or a gateway to a different kind of relationship, but you've been stuck in this middle area for months.

the war is over now and you won, but you haven't moved an inch.

this confusion, this fuzzy line between friends and lovers, has been weighing on you.

poe gives you those eyes, that intense stare, the one that makes you feel like the only girl in the universe, but then he openly flirts with officers, fellow pilots, and mechanics that work on his ship, buying them a drink and sitting real close to them, right in front of you.

poe kisses you, tastes you, like you're the finest wine in coruscant, like he's trying to memorize your flavor because each kiss could be his last, but then he tells you he's not ready for a relationship, he's too busy, he doesn't want to ruin the friendship that you have.

now, you're done waiting for him. you've tried to be patient and understanding, to give him time to figure things out, but he's been drawing it out, painfully, and you refuse to just sit there and watch.

you decided to finally take up voren na'al's offer of a date. he's a cute guy and you've worked with him throughout the war. you figure you might as well give him a chance, if only to take your mind off of poe.

you slip on a simple dress, something that makes you feel 10x cuter than the usual resistance uniform that the base usually sees you in. you're not going anywhere fancy, just the local pub to grab a drink and hang out.

--

it's quite crowded when you get there, though everywhere's been pretty crowded since the war ended. now there's more time for leisure, to enjoy life, without worrying about another attack.

the bar is full of bustling bodies, loud conversations, and moving glasses of jet juice, tihaar, and vosh. you're barely able to squeeze into a small table with how many standing bodies surround you.

"you look really nice tonight!" voren basically has to yell for you to hear him.

"thanks, a bit of an upgrade from my usual--"

"what?!"

"i said, a bit of an--"

voren gets up and decides to just stand next to you while you sit on the barstool instead. "sorry, i didn't realize this place would be so packed tonight..." he's close, almost leaning into you as he speaks at a normal volume.

"no, no, it's fine! I'm happy to see that the whole resistance is enjoying their weekend."

"let me get you a drink, yeah?"

"alright, i'll take...nikta with some soda."

"gotcha." he leaves you and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

you've finally decided that it's too lively in this bar for you. the overlapping voices and cheers overwhelm your brain as you desperately try to get comfortable as a party of one in a sea of thousands.

how can you feel so alone in a room full of people?

this is a bit harder than you thought it would be. for some reason it just feels wrong to be on this date, despite not having any exclusivity with poe in the first place.

"gods, i thought that guy would never leave!"

speak of the devil.

"poe."

he steps closer to you, smoothly walking through the crowd that's nearly trapping you at your table. his face is pink, flushed from alcohol and the heat of the bar, and his eyes are glazed with untethered delight.

he says your name, draws it out with the slur of his tongue. his eyes glance at your attire, a dress he's never seen before. actually, he's never seen you in a dress, ever. "so you have a little boyfriend now?"

where did he even come from?

usually you'd know if he were at the bar, he has a whole entourage of people that like to follow him around. in fact, you'd know if he were in any room because of the loud cheers that constantly accompany the resistance's favorite flyboy.

"this is our first date actually." you hope you sound casual, despite having to raise your voice to be heard over the noise. you try to bite your tongue before you could ask, but you can't. you need to know. maybe it'll make this easier for you. "...are you here with someone?"

"i was, but i ditched them." you heart lurches and warmth quickly pools in your stomach. it's pathetic how easily he can make you feel special, but the doesn't linger on that thought for long. "does your boyfriend know you kiss your friends?"

you sit back at his words, shocked that he's deciding to bring this up now. "ok, where is this coming from?"

"i just feel like i would want to know if my girlfriend was seeing other people." you frown, genuinely confused.

"well, i'm not."

"you...aren't?"

"poe, what--"

"you're telling me that this," he points between the two of you, "meant nothing?"

"why are you bringing this up?"

"because a second ago, i thought we had an understanding but then i see you in this short dress going on a date with some logistic's dweeb!"

you roll your eyes, "his name is voren and unlike you, he's not making me decipher any understandings. he asked me on a date and i agreed."

"and you still kiss me."

"i kissed you and then i got tired of waiting for you to kiss back."

"i just don't get how you move on so easily when what we hasn't even ended."

"oh, fuck you, poe. it never even started!"

"hey...is this a bad time..." voren is back with the drinks, staring at the two of you awkwardly as the glasses of iced alcohol begin to sweat in his hands.

you both speak at the same time:

"no, voren, you're fine."

"yeah, if you wouldn't mind, we're dealing with something right now."

he nods his head slowly, understanding what's happening. he sets the drinks down on the table. "look, i'll see you back at the base, just text me when you want to meet up again." he walks to the exit of the bar and you try to call for him, but it's no use with the wall of people between you.

"look what you did, you ruined my date!"

"wasn't much of a date from the looks of things."

"ugh, you asshole!" you hop off your seat, grab your stuff, and rush through the crowd. maybe you can catch up to him if you get out fast enough. swaying bodies threaten pull you back into the tide as you attempt to escape, but you push through, determined to get the fuck out of there.

the cool air is refreshing when you finally shove the door open, it's almost a bit chilly compared to the building you came out of. you scan the area, trying to get a glimpse voren walking home but you don't see a single person.

"come back, honey, you shouldn't be out here alone."

you don't even have to look back to know who it is.

"i'd rather be alone than with you."

"you don't mean that." a hand gently pulls at your shoulder to make you turn around and face him. a warm hand cups your jaw as he regards your upset expression, his thumb comfortingly gliding over your cheek. you can't help but lean into his familiar touch. "this is why i never wanted to change what we had. i was trying to be smart, for both our sakes."

"by pushing me away? by leading me on?" your voice comes out in a whisper, but it's so quiet in these empty streets that it didn't matter.

"by keeping it simple, safe."

"i can't do it anymore, poe. you can't just expect me to be content with what you give. i need more."

"i know, baby, i was just scared. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and i didn't want to lose you."

"but the war is over."

"not for me. i'll always be a fighter and i'll always have my battles. sometimes i can't be there for you like i should be, i can't be the boyfriend you deserve, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it any less." he rests his forehead on yours, holding you close to him in the middle of the sidewalk. "i didn't want you to leave me so i decided to never give you the chance."

"and now?"

"now, i don't want to think about what could happen tomorrow or the day after that. i've wanted you since forever and i want you now." he leans in, his nose nudging yours, "do you?"

"you know i do." you giggle softly, a grin spreading on your face.

you tilt your face up and capture his lips, slowly moving against him, savoring this moment. he places a hand at the back of your neck and pulls you in closer, showing you all his love as his soft lips mold over yours.

---

the walk back to base was a blur of soft smiles and quiet words as you traveled hand-in-hand. poe offered you his jacket after seeing you shiver and you reveled in the feeling of the heavy leather over your shoulders. you're both so giddy like a couple of teens that have been crushing on each other for eons.

when you got to the entrance of the main building you both paused for a second and an unspoken question hung in the air. is this the end of the night?

"come over to mine."

you surprise yourself with your bold offer. it was blurted out before you could really think it through.

"is that really a good idea?"

isn't it?

you've been placed at an arm's length from the man you've wanted since you showed up at the base and you've gotten his affection, his touch, and his kiss, but never more. and you want more.

"i want you. i-i mean, i want you to come over..."

he smirks like the asshole he is.

"alright, lead the way."

---

heated kisses are planted down from your jaw and all along your neck. splotches of purple already litter the silky skin, but he's still hungry for more.

poe barely got into the room before you rushed over to him and practically attacked him with a kiss. luckily his pilot reflexes helped him catch you and pull you against his body with finesse.

he laid you out on your bed and crawled over you, wanting to taste every part of you that he been denying himself from. his hands smooth over your curves, groping your tits and your waist as he makes his way down.

fingers tug your dress over your thighs and reveal the suggestive underwear you wore for your date.

he raises an eyebrow, "this for me, or him?"

"for myself, actually...but i guess you can enjoy them too." he pinches your thigh teasingly and you yelp out a giggle.

"fucking brat. you know what," he pulls them off easily, "i will enjoy them." poe crumples up your delicate lace in one hand while holding you down with another. you attempt cross your legs as you watch him bring them up to his face and breathe in your scent, but they're forced open by a strong hand. "mm...my sweet little girlfriend is so needy for me, hm?" you can feel him against your leg, hard and prominent under his pants.

you squirm under him, nearly dripping slick all over your sheets at his words. his girlfriend.

poe brings his hand up to your face, slowly tracing your lips with his index finger. "open up, honey." he groans as you let him slip between your lips. you suckle at his finger while staring up at him, your tongue flicking the tip every so often. "that's right...good girl." he adds another finger and watches you with half-lidded eyes, imagining that it's his cock you're sucking, nearly choking around it.

he pulls them out and reached between your bodies. you whimper as the cool slickness is pressed against your pussy. he runs them through the seam of your cunt, prodding gently against your entrance.

his eyes watch your facial expressions shift when he pushes them in, drinking in every minute sound and move that you make. you let out a broken moan as he curls his fingers inside of you and starts moving, rubbing right against your g-spot.

he whispers encouraging words as you start to shake under him, already so close to the edge. "that's it, sweetheart," he speeds up and vulgar sounds of your dripping cunt fill the room, "cum all over my fingers."

you whine as you reach you climax, pussy fluttering around his still moving fingers. your back arches at the intense pleasure and you wrap your legs around his arm.

his movements stop and he pulls away. you hide your face under your arms as he starts to lick his fingers clean, suddenly embarrassed by his shameless actions.

"what?" he chuckles, "am i not allow to taste my girlfriend?"

"you know, this isn't what i had in mind when i yelled fuck you." you breath out, referring to your heated talk at the bar.

"i know baby, you want my cock don't you? we'll get there once you recover."

with a flushed face, you give him an appalled look, "poe!"

[cowpokeomens]

OKAY QUESTION

What’s one less talked about kink that each of the boys have?

Bc im bored of constantly hearing noah’s got a daddy kink like it wasn’t painfully obvious

GIMME SPICE X

I HAVE MANY THOTS ON THIS!!!

I don’t think Noah has a daddy kink actually I think Noah has a praise kink and we all mistake it for arrogance but anyways!!! Noah is a switch who loooooooves subbing okay I know it’s not a specific kink but i swear to god if someone just tied that boy up and rode him nice and slow until he cried y’all would see that I’m RIGHT okay he can have his little dom moments or whatever but he is very much capable of being a very good boy who sucks on your fingers and begs you to let him cum

Nicholas is the real freak of them all idk why Noah got his reputation but I’ll tell you rn that it was probably intentional!! He can’t hide behind those big soulful eyes!! Not from me!! I see all!! I can’t think of anything that’s never been said but I definitely think I should emphasize impact play and also how fucking controlling he is like. That’s how he gets off is how much you let him control you. He’s so stoic and straight face but he has you sprawled over his lap with two fingers just barely curling into you and he stops each time you’re about to cum just because he doesn’t want you to cum yet. No reason! That’s it! Just likes knowing he gets to call the shots! Also likes the way your body moves when he smacks it. Big fan of spanking and also just like, slapping your tits and your face and whatever else he feels like because of the way your cunt clenches wow this was long-

Nick folio has a predator/prey kink this is so apparent to me that I can’t think of anything else like his ultimate fantasy is chasing you through the woods and fucking you against a tree he’s like a rabid dog bro like if you giggle a little and try to run away he goes monkey brain and HAS to fuck you right then and there like it doesn’t matter where, you can be running away from him playfully in the kitchen but he has you bent over the counter a minute later, telling you to “try and run away now”

Jolly has a daddy kink and we as a society do not talk about it enough. I think the extremity to which it exists is up to his partner. Like I’m not really into littlespace or anything like that but if that’s what you need, he’s there. Likes taking care of things :-/ fucks you to chill you out, deals out praise like candy at Halloween baby lots of “that’s it, good girl, taking daddy’s cock so well” I actually might vomit blood

[confused-rat]

Is it just me, or is it weird that Lily says both that Josh threatened to leak her address and that she was homeless at the time? Like I know it's over some time, so maybe both are true, but it still feels like her scrambling for excuses as to why she didn't do anything.

Also like, even so, how does that explain her 'shipping' jokes? Does she claim she was threatened into making those throughout the years she was friends with him?

Idk if I've ever seen someone so bad at lying before. As others have pointed out there were far easier/simpler explanations for her doing what she did, namely she was young, and everyone in the friend group became desensitized to it, and made similar jokes. Just fucking apologize and move on.

But lily seems incapable of not trying to pull a victim card or cast herself as the most sympathic light( while also demonizing those she hates) to point she makes up nonsense. It's the same shit she tried with her fic. Instead of admitting she wrote it simply to be edgy, and doesn't stand by it, while apologizing, she claims bizarre things like it getting hacked or AI being used to make her say she wrote it.

Like the amount she lies is absolutely exhausting. It's why so many don't believe other things she says like having cancer or her claim it was actually Courtney that assaulted her. If she'll go through all the hassle to badly lie about a fic she wrote years ago and excuse a few horrible jokes she made, when would she tell the truth?

Lily is physically incapable of admitting she did something wrong. Mistakes in the AtLA video? Fuck you, she added those in to piss off the nerds. Wrote a cringe fic about pony grooming? No, she wrote a bait fic to piss off bronies. Shipped a 15 year old with a 22 year old? No, they dated like a year or two later, so focus on that instead.

Also the address thing is confusing, but does make sense. Lily just refuses to be fucking coherent. She was at a Youth Housing program until she aged out at 24, then she was couch surfing with a friend. She’s claiming Josh somehow had the housing address and her friend’s.

(Lily turned 24 a month before the fallout, so if he was blackmailing her, it had to have been when she was in housing too, or her making that “why I ship FireRose” post happened several months before the blackmailing/her discovering the relationship. Which defeats her argument. Somehow. Idk how, she still made it — them possibly dating or not, how does that justify it, Lily???)

So, Lily was homeless in the sense she didn’t own a place to live. But she wasn’t like. In shelters or anything. Pretty sure she would have posted about it then, right?

[safetycar-restart]

hiiii!! my brain is rotting bc of last weekends race with Logan and im on my period so thinking about it is making me sad but, how do you think his dom (and oscar?) make him feel less upset cuz seeing him have to stay out there for so many laps by himself made me cry. he was doing so well :((. i think that to him it jus kinda reinforces the idea that he doesn’t really deserve a good dom (which ofc he does, he’s so perfect) but it hurts his soul sm. idk tho, I’m really tired, xx 🎾

Seeing Logan just sitting there for so many laps was so sad!!! Poor baby!!! I’m also assuming this is d/s au since you mentioned Logan having a Dom. And wow I’ve missed writing for these two!!! Poly!logan/oscar has such a special place in my heart (also anything Logan has a special place in my heart).

After Logan crashed out, you seemed to be the only one in the garage who actually cared where he was. You knew Logan had gotten out of the car, but no one had gone to fetch him, and the next shot of that area showed the car had been removed and Logan was no where in sight.

The team explained to you that there wasn’t an easy way to fetch him from that location, and seemed happy to just let him stay wherever he was until the race was over. You couldn’t believe they weren’t more concerned.

Though you knew you were a little biased. As Logan’s Dom, the thought of him all alone in the cold somewhere after he crashed out was terrifying. Your sub was cold and sore and alone and there was nothing you could do.

Logan, meanwhile, is having the worst time ever. He feels so useless and sad, having crashed out once more. And he just… he needs his Dom. He needs to be held and told he’s still a good sub.

And the longer he’s sat all alone, the worse he feels. He just wants to be alone with you and Oscar. That’s it. That’s all he wants.

He can’t stop himself from thinking about all those things, because he’s all alone. His thoughts spiral and all he can think is how Oscar is still out there racing and how you’d be much better off if you didn’t have to deal with him and just had Oscar, just had someone who could actually race.

By the time Logan eventually gets back, he’s soaked from the rain and shivering and so so close to just breaking down because he’s so sad.

The moment you see him, you just pull him right into your arms, shocked at how cold he is and immediately bringing him back to his driver room to warm up and get him into some comfy clothes. It’s a testament to how scared Williams are of you that they don’t even try to speak to Logan. They know better.

To your surprise, the moment you have Logan alone he’s apologising? Saying he’s so sorry he’s such a useless sub and he’ll do better and he just needs another chance.

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. Logan gets left out in the cold and yet he’s the one apologising?

You try to reassure him, promising him that you love him and he will always be your sub, that being your sub will never ever be contingent on performance. Never.

Just as Logan starts to calm, Oscar arrives and he wants blood.

Oscar had heard about how Logan was left out in the cold and the moment the race was over he was sprinting to the Williams hospitality to find him. The moment he’s there, he’s grabbing Logan and pulling him into his arms, holding Logan so tight that he can barely breath.

“They left you out there,” Oscar mumbles, “they fucking left you out there. How dare they??”

Logan relaxes into Oscar, sagging into his arms out of pure relief that Oscar isn’t mad at him.

“It’s fine,” logan says against Oscar, “I deserved it.”

Oscar pulls away, pouting, “no, no you didn’t. Don’t say that, do you understand me? Don’t say that!”

As it turns out, you don’t even need to give Logan the talking to about his self worth, your other sub is doing it instead.

Oscar goes on a tangent, telling Logan he deserves so much better than how he was treated and how everyone makes mistakes and one day it will be his day and if he dares to suggest that he deserved it one more time, Oscar will will hit him.

Once Oscar is satisfied with telling off Logan, he turns to you and asks if the three of you can finally go back to the hotel so that he can suck Logan’s dick.

[ca-suffit]

There's a new interview in which the interviewer asks both Sam Reid and Assad Zaman to describe their characters relationship to Louis. And is so funny to watch how they talk about them side by side.

Because, Sam Reid was like: "You know when you are a vampire there's a loneliness and a real fear people will leave you and Lestat thinks Louis can support being his companion in his inmortal life, and loves his strength and that's what they are soulmates."

Wherareas Assad Zaman is more like "Armand is very selfish in his love for Louis and that's the tragedy of their romance."

[This is paraphrased]

Which neither of them are completely wrong. But it is interesting to note how Sam Reid is more lenient, for the lack of a better word, with his interpretation of Lestat (I think his as selfish a bastard as Armand), and Assad Zaman is less generous with Armand.

I dont know if this is some great insight, but I do find it interesting how the fandom (and some interviewers) also treats their characters in a similar way. Like people are rightly calling Armand on his bullshit and giving him the hate he deserves for directing Claudia's linching, meanwhile forgetting Lestat stared in it.

Also, personally I found Assad Zaman's response to be more unique to Armand, I don't know, something about Sam Reid's made me think he was talking about all/any vampires not just Lestat. And it makes me wonder, if Assad Zaman is able to look at Armand through a more "objective" (still subjective ofcourse but less rose-colored) lense because his character is not being pushed as the favorite (not to say people don't love it) while in the other hand Lestat is said to be the protagonist of next season, so he needs to be seen in a more likeable light, and that is why Sam Reid is more kind to it.

Plus Louis & Lesstat being teased to reunite, meanwhile Louis & Armand finishing this season with the fastest divorce ever.

(PS. Using their full names because I feel weird about using just their first names)

I rly like all the ways ur looking at this and thinking about it. I wish ppl like u could be doing these interviews tbh.

reading this, I was also trying to remember if I knew assad's history with any knowledge of the VC stories beforehand. we all know sam read them as a teenager and all that, but idk about assad. that could also account for their different perspectives.

I do think that lestat and louis getting back together *is* a driving force of a lot of ppl (from cast to fans) softening lestat's actions. although I also wonder why they feel the need to do that tbh (I generally know *why* I'm just saying....it's literally not required tho).

I think there's two ways u could tell this story. most likely, given what they've said, they're leaning towards keeping it romantic and learning from past mistakes. but u could also tell the story of cycles of abuse and being unable to escape them. I think ppl not giving room for others to explore that second option, even if it's unlikely that's gonna be reality, is just shit tbh. let ppl explore things in fiction ffs. especially as a lot of these darker theories are coming from fans of color who are also usually queer and/or trans and don't have many outlets for exploring interracial abuse like this plot has given. shouting down all those experiences to say "well it's not what they're doing so stop talking about it" is fucked up. isn't that what fandom is for?? exploring why things are meaningful to u, using it as a tool to express urself in diff ways and connect with others over it too?? fuck anne rice forever for creating this selfish breed of rotten fans who can't let anyone else exist outside their own warped interpretations and hcs.

I'm kind of getting off topic lol but anyway. lots to think about.

4:05 at the interview here btw

[bedpolls]

how many characters do you have in your inbox?

I'm sure you didn't expect a nice long response anon, but that's what you're getting.

Right now I have 50 asks in my inbox, including this one. The last time I completely emptied the inbox was on 5/14. Best case scenario, is that it will take about 2 hours for me to sort through and post the requests to the queue. Once I got over 100 asks in less than a 48 hour period, and straight up spent 4.5 hours sorting through them. Here's why it takes me so long.

I do a basic search to make sure the character in question isn't a minor, and to figure out what their actual name is. I cannot stress this enough, idk shit about 90% of the requests I get. I don't know who that character is. Any mistakes made with names or photos chosen aren't because I secretly hate you and that character, or because I'm being malicious. It's because I've got little to no way to know what's correct. I'm going off shit on wikis, and most of that content is written by a bot nowadays anyways.

For me, the ideal submission format is "[FULL CHARACTER NAME] from [FULL TITLE OF MEDIA]" and that's it. That way I can just copy/paste directly from the ask into google. I have not instituted this as a rule, simply because I can't get people to read what rules I do have in the first place. Idk how much more eye catching that posts needs to be. It's bold, in red, and pinned to the top of the blog. If I put in a requirement for formatting, it would disqualify most requests, and I don't want to do that.

Some people feel the need to editorialize in the request itself, which tbh I mostly ignore. I don't care why you submitted this character. Idk anything about this character. Do whatever. Live your best life.

A random character nickname + acronym for the title is also the worst. I can usually figure it out, but it takes longer. When I've still got 30+ requests to get through, that's frustrating. I think sometimes people will just put the acronym for a piece of media in out of habit, or because they see I've used an acronym at some point in the tagging system. Tumblr does recommend tags, and that's why I might use it. This means that, when an acronym pops up again in the ask, I still don't immediately recognize it until I can remember googling it two weeks ago the last time that piece of media came up.

When it comes to the age of characters, I'll be honest I have much less patience. Sometimes I will google "[CHARACTER NAME] age" and what comes up is a spirited reddit thread, where people are arguing about whether or not the character is 15 or 45. Or 16 or 1500. Or whether or not they count as a minor, if they're physically 13 but actually 120 years old. Or whatever. I just fucking delete those, I'm not dealing with that shit.

I also often have to search the blog or scroll the queue to see if I have done the request before. There's a few video games where I've gotten a bunch of requests, there's a shitton of characters, and the names all blend together. If it's a duplicate, I delete those requests.

Generally speaking though, I try my best to ensure that every request gets posted. Yes even if it's weird, even if it's niche. You can submit characters from that one webcomic, or that one movie you love from 1954. The only requests that get deleted are ones that are 1) duplicates 2) violate the posted rules or 3) are so incomprehensible that I have no way of knowing what the fuck the requester is talking about.

[teruthecreator]

for the character ask meme i feel you have enough of a history with this man for me to request, if you would like: lancaster?

RUBS MY HANDS TOGETHER HOOOOOOOO BOY

Sexuality Headcanon:

gay (i think this is canon?)

Gender Headcanon:

man we dont got time to think about this because of the Everything but i think he could rock some he/she swag in another life

A ship I have with said character:

HARLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANC OH MY GOD THEY MAKE ME INSANE. THEIR DIVORCE NOT-DIVORCE IS GOING TO DRIVE ME UP A WALL. literally like just their canon dynamic makes me insane like. not to get too into spoilers bc theres friends who arent caught up but just like the Everything going on between them post -3 incident is like. GOD. the ep where they actually talk some of it out had me literally cheering and clapping around my house like i was watching a football game. literally they are so IGOR coded it PAINS ME. YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO IGOR MAN SO YOU CAN SEE MY VISION BUT THE VISIONS THERE THE IGORISMS ARE THERE AND THEY KILL ME. i will literally push all my wips aside to write the one bed fic i swear to fucking god

A BROTP I have with said character:

LANCASTER AND LOVE MAKE ME A LITTLE CRAZY OKAY. JUST. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH OHHHH THEIR BOND. the fact that they start so opposite and love not really wanting to trust him or talk to him to like. TO LIKE HER ACTIVELY SEEKING HIM OUT AND MISSING HIM AND WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM. IT JUST MAKES ME DIE MAN IT MAKES ME WANNA DIE. the dnd ep really gets me bc she trusts him so much, even when he did That, and it really goes to show how much her opinion on him has changed. the fact that she’s the only one to humanize him in the beginning of his -3 imprisonment is everything to me THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME YOUR OFFICER

A NOTP I have with said character:

i have yet to peek into the fandom for this podcast but if i see a single person shipping lanc w d-1 i will start throwing tables at heads

A random headcanon:

okay so i’ve been thinking A LOT about what lancaster’s favorite redbull flavor would be. because there are a lot of fucking flavors of redbull and he isn’t just drinking the regular redbull bc Why Would You Do That so like. i’ve had to use my EXTENSIVE knowledge of redbull flavors—as a redbull connoisseur myself—to decide what flavor screams Orion Lancaster Findusalive. and i THINK i have the results of my findings. i think his absolute FAVORITE would be peach-nectarine because it’s really sweet (like INSANELY SWEET) and heavy on the peach flavoring to the point that i don’t even think the nectarine is in there. and idk he just seems like a peach guy to me. i think second favorite is probably watermelon bc it is objectively The Best redbull flavor on the market and he would be a fucking fool not to like it. and then third favorite would probably be something like blueberry or juneberry (the two are almost identical in flavor to me). those are my findings as the certified Redbull Guy

General Opinion over said character:

he makes me want to EAT DRYWALL. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i genuinely dont think theres anything else i can say other than that. there are so many layers to him and so much going on i knew from the MOMENT i started that he would be a character that stuck out to me. and the more i hear from him the more i am certain of this. this is a certified ollieguy to me but make no mistake he is also a michguy. not as much as klein but close!!!! very close. my little onion <3

[camels-pen]

Prove It to Me as a title for the ask game!

(send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it)

ohoho okay, so idk if you meant this for One Piece or not, but i'm gonna do it for One Piece

I can absolutely see myself writing a fic for this where Sanji and Usopp are an established couple and Usopp's just had enough of Sanji's blatant flirting with women. He snaps at Sanji and tells him he can't take it anymore and says all sorts of hurtful stuff. Mostly, Usopp's feeling insecure about whether Sanji really loved him or not and thinking that it'd be best to "set Sanji free" and that he's really doing him a favour by breaking up with him; afterall, Usopp was probably just dragging him down, and he only agreed to dating him out of pity or something hahaha.

Sanji doesn't know any of that, he just knows he fucked up Massively and has no clue how to fix it. He is desperately asking Usopp what he can do to apologize and begging Usopp to take him back.

Usopp could've easily just asked him not to flirt with women anymore, but instead he ends up asking Sanji to prove that he really loves Usopp and isn't just keeping him around as a convenient fuck buddy.

Most of the fic would probably end up being Sanji trying and messing up over and over with these big declarations of love and Usopp being on a range between unimpressed and hopelessly in love with each attempt.

Maybe it takes a "pep talk" from Zoro telling him to stop with the flowery shit and just be direct so that Usopp has no room for doubt. Maybe it takes Robin or Nami taking with him. Idk

Much cursing and fighting later, Sanji takes the advice to be direct and struggles through a quiet, intimate confession of his feelings to Usopp, how much he loves and cherishes him, how each day is better knowing that he can wake up and be himself with the man he loves.

He starts and stops so many times and at one point rambles so long Usopp is worried he'd run out of air. And when he's finally done, Usopp just kinda stares at him silently and Sanji's getting more and more nervous the longer it goes for. And he starts to think this whole thing was a mistake and he starts to apologize before Usopp just. Bursts into tears.

Usopp is so damn relieved that Sanji did in fact actually love him and Usopp wasn't just dragging him down. And him crying gets Sanji crying and the two of them end up huddled together on the floor, blubbering apologies, promises to do better, and talking through whatever problems they have in the future. something along those lines

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it!

[thetisming]

since you asked me to answer all of thhe questions, you gotta answer all of the questions too!

💖 Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

probably zombie saga, although i also love 'i will vandalize your grave in your name', the 7+1 fic and some others that i think im forgetting. OH and 'we were staying in paris'

🎥 Pick a fic and I'll tell you the song I imagine playing during its movie trailer.

well this requires imput from other people. so.

but i'll choose zombie saga!! and the trailer song is Mamma Mia by ABBA. naturally

📝 How many words do you have posted?

approximately 162609

🤩 What's the most meaningful comment you've ever received?

that fucking ESSAY that Plankton wrote about iwvygiyn

🔮What's your favorite plot twist you've ever written?

ohh, this is an interesting one actually. definitely something in zombie saga but im not sure what!

👄 Your OTP are having their first kiss. What song do you imagine is playing?

THIS IS SO FUNNY AS A MUSICAL FAN. uh I Kissed A Girl. because that is what happens yeag

🎭What genre of writing comes easiest to you?

ANGST. it's so much easier than happy stuff lol it's like poetry for me

🙊Your coworkers or classmates stumble across one of your fics, but don't know you're the author. Do you fess up? Or keep quiet?

yeah i would tell them

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

"Go to sleep, Lance, and now that she’s gone you sleep with your mistakes" from my fic 'don't speak (i know just what you're saying)', but also many different things from (especially the second chapter of) iwvygiyn

🦉Is there another author that helped inspire you to write?

@fen-the-magnificat !!!!!

👶Fankids: How you do you feel about them? Would your OTP have kids?

i dont have any fankids unless you count the Dubois brothers, but i think they're neat! i dont know if Frankie and May would have kids but they would be AMAZING parents, and i dont think Juliet and Romeo would have any. William and Anne already have kids, and Lance has kids too which make them Angelique's kids

🐗How do you handle trolls?

i havent had any trolls

🟥How long do you spend in edits?

like 5 minutes to skim over it when ive put it in ao3 idk

🏡What is your perfect writing envrionment?

uh. i dont fucking know

💪What motivates you to write?

someone needs to write about my blorbos!!!

🚿Where do your best ideas seem to strike?

well zombie saga happened because i sent some dumb asks to Felix, anything about the wedding happening just comes randomly, and iwvygiyn came from a page of the sandman!

🌠What are your top three most commonly used tags on AO3?

uhh okay i'll do top 3 for each ig??

ratings: general (39), teen & up (38), not rated (1)

warnings: no warnings (52), chose not to use warnings (14), major character death (12)

categories: other (61), multi (49), F/M (46)

fandoms: & Juliet (74), citc (27), community (16) (last two are crossovers with &j btw)

characters: Francois (59), May (54), Juliet (51)

relationships: Francois/May (61), Juliet/Romeo (41), Juliet & May (34)

additional: title from an ABBA song (19), zombie apocalypse (18), not beta read (9)

overall top 3 are & Juliet, maycois/other (lumping those together lol) and Francois

💻What do you write your stories on? Laptop, phone, paper, etc.

laptop and phone!

🤔What are some words or phrases you find yourself overusing?

'Francois snuggled (etc etc)', probably, among other things lol

📕How do you feel about people printing your fics?

yeah fuck it just dont claim it as your own tbh

🤷‍♀️What's a fic you didn't expect to be popular, but really took off?

honestly. none. my readers are 3 friends and my brother and they all love everything basically

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

sinhalese isnt very gendered at all! it was refreshing cause normally i use italian and french which are very gendered

🥘What wip are you most excited about?

ohh... i think the new saga chapters lol

🦗Do you write in sequence or jump around?

not sure what this means sorry

👀 Would you ever accept requests or commissions?

yeah!! i might not get to them but i will try (if it's a commission i definitely will though!)

😱What's your greatest fear as a fanfic writer?

the actors reading my fics.

☕Coffee or tea while you write?

neither i am dehydrated

📈Which are your top three most popular fics by bookmarks?

'they forever hold their peace', 'Flower Crowns & Royalty' and 'Glee!' all with three bookmarks

🎬One of your fics gets turned into a TV series. Which one is it and what network is it on?

ZOMBIE SAGA FOR SURE. idk what network though

🛌 What's a trope you haven't written, but want to?

there was only one bed probably

🐸 If you incorporated your OTP into a Disney movie plot, which would it be?

i dont know, i dont watch enough disney

👩‍🎓 Do you have an 'official' creative writing background such as a degree or previous experience publishing?

nope

⏳If you could go back in time and tell your younger writer self something, what would it be?

already answered

💯 What rating do you write the most? Gen Audiences, Teen, Mature, or Explicit? How many fics at that rating do you have?

gen audiences with 39 fics!

😁What makes you happiest? New fic comments, kudos, bookmarks, user subscribers, story subscribers, or Tumblr asks?

COMMENTS !!!!!!!! AND TUMBLR ASKS and BOOKMARKS with nice comments!!!!!

🐎 Would you ever do a medieval or pirate au?

ohh, that could be fun actually

👩‍🏫Pick a character and I'll tell you their favorite season and why.

requires a character to be picked. i choose Frankie though and his favourite is autumn cause it's cold but not too cold

🎵Do you make playlists for your fics?

only sometimes!

🌷What's one of your fics that isn't as popular, but you hold dear?

my fromeo besties fics :)

❓Insert your own question here!

(not counted)