#i'm so fucking horribly broken | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gumrock · 1 year

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she remembered her whole life with me

#i'm actually fucking sobbing #i miss my girl so much #i feel like i'm the only one who does #i'm so fucking horribly broken #journal

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navree · 2 years

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"as the black council sat to consider how to strike back, a raven arrived from harrenhal. ‘an eye for an eye, a son for a son,’ prince daemon wrote. ‘lucerys shall be avenged.’” ( insp. )

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fbfh · 3 months

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good news wildcats, I'm finally watching hsmtmts s4. I just finished episode 1 and I am SCREAMING.

toxic ricky is back!!!!!!!!!!! unhinged unstable season 1 ricky my darling!!!! my beloved!!!!!!!!! my pathetic soggy prayers have been answered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#anyway it started making my brain too happy so I'm gonna have to pick it up and put it down until I get good n fixated enough to mass consum #but the good news is I'm getting so many ideas for rocks 2 n 3 n 4!!!!!!!!!#it will be a slow and steady process but it's chuggin down the choo choo tracks!!!!!!!!!! I'm working on wrapping up curiosity while I outl #then when I write those probs is when I'll outline cur2-3.#also mike being like “yeah I met your mom in my senior year so uh... be safe”#and ricky's like “don't worry dad I won't get my heart broken”#“......OH. you mean THAT kind of safe.”#I am WAITING AND AGONIZING for them to drop an implied sex scene #i know they probs won't cause it's disney but PLEASE GOD PLEASE #I NEED TO SEE WHAT RICKY LOOKS LIKE ON CAMERA AFTER GETTING HIS FUCKING WORLD ROCKED #PLEASE GOD PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU #anyway yeah #tried to talk to someone about all this and got HORRIBLE rejection sensitive dysphoria so time to delve into fanfiction to cope!!!!!!!!#love writing as a creative outlet!!!!!! love that I have therapy tomorrow!!!!!!!!

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halamshirals · 11 months

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did you guys know that, well, the cruelty is the point

#i love this entire scene sooooo bad it's so delicious #flaunting the tadpole abilities and what he's capable of -- he's broken free of cazador somehow AND he can withstand the sun #and THEN once they leave. he attempts to manipulate tav in suuuuch a genuinely horrible way like #oh well of course i feel bad for them. i mean they're FORCED to do cazador's bidding. but no matter!#i'm fine sacrificing them for my own gain :) or rather... for OUR gain :)#this will keep both of us safe :) and... well... you want me to be safe right? :) you want me to be happy right? :)#this isnt him at his worst by any means but god it's soooo so good after how his act 2 arc is if youre romancing him #he's open and vulnerable and tells tav all about his plans and how he's been manipulating them this whole time #only to do it in a fun and new and interesting way all over again. but this time youre already 100% on his team #ANYWAY. i like when he's a bit fucking terrible #bg3 #playing bg3 #astarion #act 3 is really just a whole new beast to me at this point. how fun. i only got here once before and it was buggy and barely worked #sorry. i will be soooo deeply annoying as i rotate everyone in my head like little rotisserie chickens for the next few days #really thinking about how elluin is dealing with seeing this - she understands feeling like power will fix everything and keep her safe #but unlike astarion is capable of thinking long-term and about consequences #so this has her shaking in her fucking boots. and really has her grappling with the reality of their relationship #so until they actually get to the szarr palace and deal with the ritual... she's super withdrawn with astarion and even with the others #she wants him to be safe bc it means that she can realistically be safe since they're weird little mirrors for each other #but also. does safety exist without it becoming warped and horrifying #sorry. i will be normal again eventually

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hxhhasmysoul · 6 months

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wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

#vent #for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode #like constantly #from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived #to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week #and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally #not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic #and now someone died in my family #not someone very close but i liked them #and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing #because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter #so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with #because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter..#i'd just want a week where nothing happens #and like the writing is weighing heavy on me #because i miss it #also i wish i could finish something #i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off #also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit #i bought new furniture #because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly #which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself #just because i was too burnt out to write #and i wanted something nice to happen to me #like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice #and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns #and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken #because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid #yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job #long pathetic whine and overshare over

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the-casbah-way · 1 month

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FINALLY finished my outline for prodigal son it’s going to end up way longer than i planned </3

#there’s so much i’m trying to get across without making it ridiculously long #i’m like. trying to make it clear that malc isn’t the driving force here #because he’s a bit older than jamie and jamie’s only eighteen and pretty sheltered so it could seem dodgy #and don't get me wrong i'm not going to NOT write something just because it's objectively shady especially for ttoi #but it’s not like malcolm swoops in and initiates everything. that wouldn't fit the characters #jamie’s a determined wee shit and he’s fucking relentless when he wants to be #it’s more a case of malcolm caving and agreeing to let him into His World as it were #and jamie’s always had this anger and this rebellious streak that leaves him susceptible to doing shady shit #he’s not a kid he’s making his own decisions malc’s just here for the ride #and also like. jamie SEEMS like he’s losing his faith at points but it’s actually getting stronger #i don’t want it to seem like he’s given up god for the sake of following malcolm #he’s just making peace with the fact that his god and the christian god don’t align too well #it's kind of like. malcolm is partly helping him be more honest and brave and do some good in the world #but he's also partly (mostly unknowingly) being a genuinely bad influence too #but all the bad shit jamie's going to end up doing comes from himself. it was already there #because i see jamie and malc as huge enablers for each other. it's their whole thing #and i think it's interesting to show them in my fic being (for the time) very radical and rebellious #and it stems from a genuine desire to a) do good in the world and help people and b) break themselves out of the working class bubble #but by the time they reach canon that has manifested into something quite horrible #their rebellion and radicalism is now used to do bad things that don't even justify the end goal anymore #and now they've broken out the working class bubble they're just playing into the toxic westminster mindset #because that's the only way you survive in the game (or at least in malcolm's case. he ends up with no spine)#because he's willing to abandon his principles if it keeps him and the party in power #and at some point down the line the good intentions get lost to his own ego and need for control #anyway i'm normal #ttoi

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struggling-to-find-home · 4 months

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My brother: *screaming over some toxic family shit I don't want to talk about*

Me, about to make everything worse because I'm a vindictive bitch: I'm going to ask you one thing. Why do you let their behaviour affect you?:)

#YES it's an incredibly disgusting and horrible phrase but I'm just so fucking done with all of them #it's like saying 'UwU why do you let a broken bone stop you from walking?' but also like‚ fuck him for ruining another birthday party #hey I never said that I'm a good person I didn't climb out of this hellhole by NOT manipulating people and enlisting psychic damage #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic household #toxic parents #dysfunctional parents #actually traumatized

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mabith · 4 months

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I am experiencing constant, unexplained nausea going on four days now and it's just making my Parental Holidays (parents days and their birthdays) season so much worse. I had constant nausea when I was first sick and trying all kinds of medications and living on luna bars and my mom was always trying to make things that would tempt my appetite, like bread pudding, and it's just making me so sad. I ate two large bread puddings per week for a while there.

#I can't even make my own bread pudding because my oven is broken #apparently nausea can be a perimenopause thing so I'm assuming that's it since it's not bad enough to feel like an illness or food issue #but it's not even just nausea it's also that excessive saliva production you get before you throw up but there's been no throwing up #everything is horrible and Zhou Shen won't be on Keep Running this week either #I was forced to watch Donald in Mathmagic Land #maybe I'll get some appropriate bread and make french toast just to be bread pudding adjacent #and succeed in making myself even fucking sadder #or maybe it will help it's impossible to know!#fuck that 'grief doesn't get smaller the box gets bigger' nonsense - doesn't hold when your life is squeezed into the tiniest space #also what kind of victorian Invalid Food is bread pudding you cliched bastard

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running-in-the-dark · 8 months

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I don't want to be someone who always just complains (about my body, my brain, my marriage, my family, everything) but I just. can't change the things that bother me. it doesn't get better because I can't make it better no matter how much I tell myself to, I just can't

#I CAN'T just convince myself to not be tired/fatigued at all times #I can't somehow make it so my brain and body are able to work a fucking full time job #I can't. I literally genuinely cannot do it #I can't live on my own I can't go somewhere else I can't have the life and friends and hobbies that I want #I. can't.#and it feels fucking horrible to say that. that's not how it's supposed to be! you're supposed to be motivated and positive and not give up #and believe you can do anything you want #but how. how?#the problems I have are what is stopping me from fixing them. I can't talk myself out of that #yeah if someone gave me a bunch of money or a house or all the support I need I would probably be better! I would be able to do things that #I'm not able to now!#but that's not how it is #no I can't do the laundry and cook and clean and keep the house nice and tidy. I can't even do that. I have no children - no 'excuse' to #stay home and not work #I'm not disabled. there's no illness or anything that would prove or justify that I really can't do it #I'm just broken in a million tiny ways that no one takes seriously at all. I'm just bad.#I should be fine. there is nothing wrong with me that anyone is able to find #so there is nothing wrong #I should just get over it and be strong and motivated and just fucking DO IT #even when it's hard #but it's not hard it's. impossible.#man im so tired

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boxchewr · 2 years

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whenever i have the motivation to draw properly again i have to draw out my ideas for evil au emmet. emmet that doesn't get over his only brother going missing. the only person that's been consistently in his life from the very start and the person he's always been able to rely on to Be There and now he isn't. an emmet that can't grapple with this fact. he can't come to terms with it. and with everyone pushing him to do so faster so he can get the battle subway back up and running again... at a certain point he gives up and snaps. he WILL find some way to get ingo back because nothing will ever get better unless he does and he does not care WHAT it takes to do so. even thievery, murder... or more.

and this is how emmet starts a new villain team to scourge unova in the wake of plasma's fall

#pokemon #submas #emmet #angst #i will draw this. don't you test me #me when i love writing characters that get worse. everyone pushes them and pushes them and they snap so horribly #they face the worst horrors and trauma and that simply leaves them broken instead of stronger #a real sense of 'whatever doesnt kill you leaves you much worse off instead'#also i just really fucking want to design a villain team based off of trains and subways and steam engines #as sort of a spiritual successor to plasma's knights moving into ships. technological progress now we're at steam trains #rip Emmet but ur just the perfect little doll in my brain to fill all of these desires of creative writing #you will get other aus where i'm nice to you but this isn't one of them

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concerto-roblox · 1 year

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found pictures of me and an old friend i haven't spoken to since i was 17 this isn't gonna be good for my evening

#jesus christ i can't believe it's been that long #we were so close and then one day they just decided to stop talking to me and all our other friends #except the girl who bullied me and made my life hell #but now i don't even know if i resent them for it because i'm pretty sure they were going through something i didn't really know about #and it's been so long i can't even be bothered to hold a grudge anymore #the problem is if i wanted us to reconnect the responsibility is on my shoulders because i've changed my number since we last spoke #and i didn't have instagram or anything when i was 17 #and i just know it's not going to be how it was before because i'm so different now and there's nothing i hate more than trying #<- to build up a relationship from the beginning #and i don't even know how to go about it since it's already broken down #but i don't know if i want to lose them forever because they were one of the two people i was closest to in school #and they stuck by me when i got horribly bullied #i just don't know if i can stand the idea of trying to rebuild what we once had and failing :((#oh my god i never normally get this emo on fucking tumblr wtf is wrong with me #anyway #how to be cringe 101

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giomagnetism · 2 years

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#i just had 2 insanely stressful hours for NO GODDAMN REASON but now i've eaten so i'm ok but i'm still gonna make it your problem #we had to pick up the cat from the vet [she's fine] before 4 but we couldn't leave before 3 but it takes us an hour to get across town #and the car's brakes are fucking broken and make this awful grinding noise but we've been so busy we haven't had a chance to take it in #my mom had a horrible day and i absorb her stress like a sponge so now i just have to let it all run out of my system #but on a related note. do you know that anecdote about the woman who got in a fatal car accident on the way to her job because she was so #scared of being late; and then the job replaced her the next day?#because i think about it all the time #we're basically out of food and have to go to the store but again !! no time !! because my mom is so neurotic about her work hours that she #won't give herself the grace of half an hour to go to the fucking store. anyway. good afternoon #nonsense tag

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official-rolli-und-rita · 2 years

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Going through the website for a summer camp and crying everytime i see words like "community" and "social activities" and "up to 85 students" where my social anxiety girlies at

#lifeblogging #guess my social anxiety got worse than i thought after my counceling ended 2 years ago when my therapist ghosted me lol #i'm fine btw seriously this is not like supposed to be ironic or edgy or something but i have cried twice in 20 minutes so #I'M NOT SOCIALLY BROKEN I'M YOUNG AND LEARNING HOW TO LIVE! EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH SOMETHING AND THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME HORRIBLE OR STUPID!!#also however much this scared the living daylights out of me i'm gonna fucking do it bc i know it would be good for me #even though this is activating my freeze instinct like almost nothing else can

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tkbrokkoli · 2 years

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a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im

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milo-is-rambling · 2 years

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Now why the hell do I have such intensely realistic dreams I had to wake up and stare at the ceiling for like ten minutes to make sure I was alive.

#me 🤝 having dreams where everyone is mad at me and also I'm having a near death experience and everyone is still mad at me #literally had a dream that I was riding a bike and got hit by a car and woke up in the hospital then felt like shit but was okay enough and #then in my dream I was like hmm I wanna go to a gas station to get snacks bc that's why I was biking in the first place and so I drove to a #random gas station and came back to my car after getting snacks and there was a fucking mountain lion inside my car that immediately pounced #on me and started trying to bite my face and no one would fucking help me at all #it was terrifying and I literally like argued with my mom in the dream and she said all this personal horrible shit and didn't care at all #that I was hit by a car and then I went to the gas station and millie was there and she was mad at me for not going on some trip with her #and her family even tho I was like nah dude I was like JUST hit by a car this morning bro I don't wanna go to Connecticut with u and ur fam #and even the gas station clerk was mad at me for some reason and he tried to charge me a hundred dollars for a pack of icebreakers and a #box of strawberries like dude what the fuck is wrong with my brain but I remember every fucking detail of it like why is my brain so evil #my brain will be like hmm time to dream... let's think about exactly how it would feel to almost die once and then be mauled by a big cat #like why in my dreams do I feel everything that happens to me. why did I feel my broken nose and he blood dripping down my face and the road #burn across my body why are my dreams like yeah u can smell the mountain lions breath as you're trying to hit it with ur purse and it's like #drooling on ur face cause it's trying to wrap it's jaws around your entire head #like bruh. hey brain. did I really need that today? did I really need two near death experiences in one dream? and also everyone hates me?#was that really necessary brain? my brain also had the audacity to set the dream in New Hampshire during winter. why would I be riding a #bike in the middle of winter and then be slammed into the road and then be attacked by a lion what message is that trying to tell me exactly #when I woke up I literally touched my nose to make sure it wasn't broken thats how fucking real my dreams are I hate it #anyways I'm mad at my brain for having hyper realistic dreams where I'm in pain physically and emotionally

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our-inspire-verse · 6 days

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Don't mind me just irreparable.

#broken piece a shit that can't fucking get it #system babbles #negative #vent #i wish it was ok to fuckin just go at it. but it's BaD or whatever. i hate myself.i want to feel anything other than #this. this sensation in all my skin and the constant horrible pressing reality that im broken forever #I'm gonna end up alone like i always do because something is just so incredibly wrong with me #how. how can i possibly go on

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