#i'm not even sure if anyone believes that rumor anymore anyway but | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lightlycareless · 7 months ago

Note

omgggg, that Toji x reader (*plus* Naoya) was incredibleee, ignore me if you want, I know you made Toji chosing to keep distance from reader and Megumi permanently BUT what if one day he ends up finally seeing Megumi, either personally or by pictures/videos 🥺 We know Megumi it's the spitted image of him, I mean, Gojo's face when he saw him for the first time said it all 😅 And also knowing his baby has the Ten Shadows technique (I cant stop thinking about how proud he was in the canon manga/anime 🥺 he always KNEW from the start Megumi was blessed/gifted, since his first breath, the fact Toji named him is not random) making the entire Zenin clan eat their shit

Heya anon!!

I'm so glad you liked it heheheheheheh a oneshot that I didn't intend to write but it just happened!! aren't we glad it did? lol

I didn't mean to ignore you, I was only focusing on other things first 😅 oof, I still have lots of request to go through, which I plan to do it slowly but surely...

Anyways, I might've not gone down that route, however... why not something angsty? I mean 😏I've had this in my mind so... yeah 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Warnings: mentions of infidelity. Pregnancy. Naoya is, unfortunately, a prick. this is the oneshot anon is talking about. 100% read that first hehe. this is an AU from that, so the second part doesn't count??? I guess. excuse the proofreading. also I haven't written toji that much so please excuse my oocness as well ahahahahha :')

Happy reading!

As much as the three hoped to ignore the bases of your pregnancy, behave as it didn’t rise from an adulterous act, a direct transgression to the principles of the Zen’in, and keep it a secret, it wouldn’t take long before the guilt in each other’s mind began to weight heavy on their mind, ultimately betraying them and revealing the truth to the light, excusing the angered elders to finally get rid of two birds with one stone.

“Where—Where does this accusation even come from?!” You gasp, blood turning cold at the implication—at the notion of the truth. “Do you know the gravity of such words?!”

“Better than you of the act, it seems.” Another accuses. “We were quite aware of the rumors surrounding your ill-fitting behavior, but we never believed it would actually extend to this point!”

“I—I won’t tolerate neither of you disrespecting me!” you cry. “Nor will Naoya for that matter!”

But calling for his aid would no longer prove sufficient, for Naoya, too deep in his own insecurities by that point, had come to the disheartening conclusion that this situation had gotten way out of hand for a simple diversion.

A supposed act of mercy.

He shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place, should’ve respected what you and your marriage represented, what meant to him, and discard his pity for Toji—the man has been alone most of his life, what difference would that make that now?

But he didn’t, he allowed you to go to Toji—no, he handed you over to him, thinking he was doing something right for his cousin, or perhaps something deep inside him was allured by the sick idea of you being with another man and now, he was suffering the consequences.

Consequences he did not like, not one bit—because it got too real for him: you were now pregnant, with Toji’s child, and not his.

And this only highlighted what he considered the pitfalls of this relationship, a strike against his ego and the supposed inability to beget children, a rumor that grew bigger and bigger by each passing day, spreading like wildfire to the point where even outsiders became aware of it.

Which, for a prideful man like Naoya, was only a nightmare.

He loved you, he really did—Naoya never envisioned spending the rest of his life with anyone else…

But he loved his pride more, and when his clan began to actively confront him about it, he couldn’t take it anymore.

And thus….

“…Naoya?”

“This marriage was broken before it even started.” Your husband would say, unexpected words that pierced straight to your heart. “My family advised me well in avoiding you, but I falsely believed I could achieve differently.”

“What—what are you even saying?” you breathe. “What do you mean by—by differently?”

And… where does everything you lived with him stand?

The time you spent with him, the sweet nothings he’d whisper into your ear, to love you both swore to one another, reminding each other that there was no one else that compares…

And that you were the only woman who has ever made him feel this way—loved— and would do everything in the world to make happy…

Was it… all … a lie?

All for… nothing?

Or were you the only one that actually believed the other’s words?

“I cannot look past these transgressions.” Naoya continues. “You’ve left me no choice.”

“But you—you made me do this!” you gasp. “I never—I never wanted to be with anyone else! All this time, my heart only belonged to you! How could you—how could you abandon me after all we’ve gone through together?!”

Naoya doesn’t say anything else anymore, instead, he simply turns around, exiting the room to leave you in the hands of the vengeful elders who did not hesitate to do what they had long desired—banish you from the estate.

Swiftly yet cruelly, you wouldn’t be able to take anything with you, not even a change of clothes or even money (you didn’t even ask for much, just enough to survive the week) as you were forced to face a new life of your own—alone, pregnant.

Going back to your family was also out of the question; the shame that you’d bring upon their name was one the Zen’in didn’t not waste time to remind them of—at the end, there was only so much your father and siblings could do against the invasive ways of the elders, and perhaps, a part of them deep inside, were also disappointed that you’ve succumbed to such foul thing.

And so, you were tossed onto the street, with nothing more than the clothes you were wearing, whatever you had for savings throughout the years, managed to take it out before either clan could close your account—but most importantly, with a broken heart you believe will never heal, not after the grave wound your husband’s indifference inflicted on it.

The pain you couldn’t even mourn properly due to all the things you had to worry about now.

The first thing you did was search for a place to stay, though getting one was proving to be an almost impossible task.

Thankfully, you were allowed to keep one other thing, maybe it eluded their minds when all this was happening, but you’re not going to question why when it was going to help you pay for a roof.

Naoya’s ring, your wedding ring, was something many would consider expensive, the kind of flashiness expected from a prestigious family like the Zen’in.

You remember a time when any kind of ring would’ve been enough for you to marry him. You didn’t need anything extraordinary to commit your life and heart to him.

That’s nothing but a far cry from what you felt now.

It still hurt to pawn it, but it was the only way you could accommodate yourself and the unborn child inside you, in the only area you could afford with what you got, for even then many suspected that your ring… well, had dubious origins.

When was the last time you even had to worry about the costs of living? Food, clothes, water…?

Many years—it had to; ever since you got together with Naoya, he’s been the one that took care of you.

You just had to say the word and he’d disappear all of your worries—even from the simplest of wants, Naoya indulgingly obliged.

It was a happy life you eventually considered for your child—imagining how happy they’d grow to be without a single worry, solely focusing on what they’ll have to play that day, or how to escape their over doting parents.

A long-gone dream, tossed to the side as a nightmare quickly took its place.

…

Did Naoya ever mean the words I love you?

Or was he doing all this just to keep you there, complying, just in case someone better came along, just like his clan wished would happen?

There mere thought of his devotion being nothing but an act tightens your heart with sorrow once more, gifting you the tragic notion that perhaps, all this time, you never knew your husband…

Maybe ex-husband, by this point.

All that was left from those moments, the slightest semblance of that marriage was this baby, created from what you thought your unconditional devotion to him, turning out to be your very own downfall.

The only one that would know of these struggles would be your baby, the one to accompany you through the darkest point of your life, hopefully to a brigther dawn.

And yet… you’ve never felt so alone.

Time surprisingly, went quicker than you anticipated, though not as easy as you would’ve wanted.

Life in your new home was still very difficult to get used to, even when it’s been months since… that.

But with the job you managed to get (whatever place hired pregnant women—they’re supposed to be at home, some would say, you didn’t care.) and some extra jujutsu work you did on the side, you managed, enough to give you a, not exactly comfortable, but just enough lifestyle.

As long as you sacrificed all the things you once considered granted and turned them into luxuries: such as warm showers, take out, and the sweets you liked to indulge once in a while; your pregnancy has been horrible because of that, and that’s without considering the medical bills you’re struggling to pay as well.

But if that wasn’t enough, your noisy neighbors presented issues of their own as well.

You’re not going to deny that your presence there was like moths to a flame, starting from your somewhat suspicious acquisition—all cash—of the small house you were living in.

From there, your loneliness, alongside your pregnancy; single mothers were unheard of, or rather, highly criticized, thus, all eyes were on you, down to your smallest movement.

Yet, even then, as annoying as they were, you were ok as long as it meant you never get to see those that hurt you ever again.

However, what you want isn’t necessarily what’s going to happen, and that would be reminded of one fateful night with an unsuspecting knock, just after you were getting ready to go to bed.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone came to bother you, but it would be the first time someone did so at this hour, and with such insistence that far from worrying you, it made you angrily storm at the entrance, ready to demand who’d be so inconsiderate enough to visit you so late at night!

And you’d get your answer soon enough, in the most shocking, horrifying, if not sorrowful manner you could’ve possibly anticipated, prompting you to close the door as soon as you saw his face, or attempted to, his reflexes much faster than yours.

“Get—get away from me!” you shrieked, hands trembling as you did your best to hold the door shut against his overwhelming strength— but even your husband has admitted that in terms of power, he excels like no one else.

“Y/N—” he breathes, somewhat amused that you’d been able to hold him off as much as you could, though eventually he was able to break free from your grasp and enter your home, you step away from him soon after.

“What are you even doing here?!” you gasp. “No—that doesn’t matter! I don’t want to see you! I’m not going back!”

“I’m not here to take you back” He quickly responds, eyes falling down to your stomach, making his face soften at the subtle bump evident through your clothes—with this sight, he knows he can’t take you back.

“Then—then why are you here, Toji?”

Perhaps Toji needed to see through his own eyes, what the whispers went on about at the estate regarding your absence.

He wasn’t there when it happened, promised himself to be far away from you as soon as your pregnancy was announced to the estate.

Toji would’ve normally taken this opportunity to act on retribution against his family, rub it on their face that the future of the clan came from him, a low life.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do so when you cheerfully paraded around the halls, happy to finally be forming a family with your beloved husband, even though it wasn’t of his making.

For the first time in his life, he thought himself to be too cruel for having planned such atrocities against the only person that has never been rude with him, always welcoming him with a smile on your face, or at least whatever you permitted when not following Naoya around like a lost puppy.

And the baby… well, he won’t deny that he was glad that his child would have a vastly different life from his—with you as his mother, it couldn’t be any other way.

Or so he believed.

Even when promising to keep away, he still attempted to check in on you, especially now that you were pregnant, whenever he had to go to the estate that is. That day was no be no exception, begrudgingly coming back to see what else he could scam out of his family to ensure his living outside.

Toji’s slyly scanned the hallways for your figure, the briefest indication of such, either through your giggle, staff, or even his cousin’s annoying voice—there were moments where he imagined how delightful it must’ve been to have you by his side, instead of Naoya’s; to be receiver of your laughter instead of that man who clearly didn’t deserve you.

But even if it was with him, he still found comfort in the fact that you were around, there.

Not like now, gone from Naoya’s side.

In fact, you were nowhere to be seen! Not with your staff, not eating by the gardens, or even indulging in one of your husband’s idiocies.

Nothing.

And no one had seen you either.

Or more like didn’t want to say, that much became evident when he stomped his way towards a nearby staff member, demanding your whereabouts, only to be responded with a fret falsely feigning ignorance, or foolish diplomacy.

At the prospect of your disappearance, Toji felt his blood run cold, almost like the estate lost whatever little warmth it had, worsening each time he asked another servant, and he’d get the same answer.

The implications behind your absence were growing heavier in his mind, to the point it sunk his heart to his stomach…

And propelled him to the one person who would undoubtedly know where you were.

“Naoya—Where is Y/N?!” Toji commands the moment he sees the heir, the young man instinctively flinched at the sight of his angered cousin, almost as if he knew what was running through his mind and attempted to make a run for it, only to be stopped by the collar, dead on his tracks. “Do not run away, coward! Answer me!”

“She’s—she’s not here anymore.” Is what Naoya manages to squeak, but Toji doesn’t need to be reminded the obvious.

“Where. Is. She.” He hisses, the worst of his assumptions slowly becoming a reality. “What have you done to her?!”

“What—what needed to be done!” Naoya gasps. “I—I couldn’t allow it!”

Toji doesn’t remember much after Naoya told him that the clan decided she was better off on her own—only that the heir was on the floor, bloodied and whimpering while attempting to cover his face, either trying to control the throbbing of his skin, the blood from spilling anywhere else, or perhaps even shame.

No. It couldn’t be the last. To have done something like what he did required a shameless man to do so.

Nonetheless Toji didn’t bother to find out nor to be reprimanded, quick to assert what needed to be done and heading out the estate; he couldn’t even bother cursing those that had done nothing but the worst after the worst, each time a new low, for his mind solely pertained in finding you.

It took him a while to do so, as expected, but he knew it was only a matter of asking around for a woman that simply didn’t fit to do the job—and such, here he is now.

“I want—needed to see you.” Toji takes a step closer.

“Get—get away from me.”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“You were fine doing that before—what’s so different from now?” You spat.

“This is different, Y/N. You’re alone—and you need me.”

“I’m not alone—I don’t need you.” You gasp. “Get away from me or I’ll—I’ll call the police!.”

“If you don’t need me, then the baby does.”

It’s like he struck a nerve with his words, because soon after tears would begin to fall down your cheeks, revealing that the sight you attempted to portray, the strength you so fiercely put up against him, was nothing but a façade, a way to hide the fact that indeed, you needed help.

Exhausted from facing all these uncertainties on your own, afraid.

But not anymore, not when Toji was here, more than willing to step in, as seen in the way he swiftly holds you in his arms when he sees you almost faint from distress, attempting to comfort you as you continued to cry.

“Get— get away from me…!” you’d say again, still fighting against his hold. However, he doesn’t fight it, he simply allows you to vent, taking in all the pain and hatred your heart harbored from the moment you were kicked out of the estate. “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m not leaving” Toji insists, he feels you trying to squirm your way out from him, but his strength doesn’t allow it. “You can struggle all you want, but I’m not leaving you on your own—”

“What difference does it make to you? Your family abandoned me to my luck! And even forced my family to do the same!” you breathe, Toji’s eyes widen—he did not know that; his fury for the Zen’in grows, but this is not the time to deal with that. “They don’t care if I die on the street!”

“I know.” He murmurs, holding you tighter against him.

“And I—And I tried my best to—to move on, but I can’t! I can’t do it!” you sob. “I’m so alone, and scared, and—and ashamed! I don’t want to live like this anymore!! I don’t want to die!”

“…I know.”

“Why—why is this happening to me?! All I ever wanted was for—was for Naoya to love me. I never wanted anything else! I never wanted money, I never wanted to hurt anyone either! I just—I just wanted to live a happy life with him, to make him happy!

But then he—he tossed me away, at one thing he didn’t like, he acted like I didn’t even matter! He didn’t even put up a fight to defend me! he just—he just let them hurt me, like what we had was—a lie!

Did he never—did he even love me?”

Speechless, all Toji could do is continue holding you as you kept on pouring out your feelings, hearing the heart wrenching sound of your sobs that just kept reflecting how wounded you were by Naoya’s betrayal, the transgressions of his family, and the disappointment of yours.

And all because of something you didn’t even suggest in the first place. It was him who made his way into Naoya’s mind, and eventually, it was Naoya who pushed you into it, regardless of what happened later.

He wanted to do it; you know?

He wanted to go back there and murder them for all they’d done against you.

But when he left that place one last time, he promised he would stop thinking about himself, and start doing what is right—what was needed.

If Naoya wasn’t to step up and be a man, then he would.

Toji would gladly throw away his own pride, his own anger and thirst for vengeance, just to see you safe and happy once more.

Things your husband, could simply not—but he… he’d do it in a heartbeat.

“I promise you.” Toji would reassure you once carefully placing you down to the bed after tiring yourself from crying, followed by a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

“I swear, Y/N— I will not let my family do the same things they’ve done to me to our child. Even if it costs me my life, I will do everything in my power to keep the two of you safe.”

And unlike your husband, he means it.

Yes, a second part is coming :) just gotta put this one out first hehe.

Anyways, it's not exactly what you asked but I think it's going there??? I mean Toji STEPPED UP and was like OK imma take care of my baby mama. also, here Naoya .I. put it where it fits. ugh, can't say we're done with him...

agihajkgksa I'm excited for what's to come, I haven't written this level of angst in a while!! oof!!!

Thank you so much for your patience and for sending this ask :> I'm super happy you've like my oneshot so much!! I hope you'll be able to like this too!!

Take care, and see you soon! ❤️❤️

#ask #toji x reader #jjk toji #naoya x reader #naoya zen'in #toji fic #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x you #jjk angst #toji zenin #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #toji x y/n #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

150 notes · View notes

rainbowsky · 1 month ago

Note

Hi Rbs, thanks for being such an active member of the Fandom and educating fellow turtles. I remember falling into the Fandom largely due to yours and Vic's blogs.

Anyway, I'm hoping you could shed some light on this matter. I know that DD was a motorcycle racer and had an accident many years back that looked very much like a sabotage. I can't be sure, but did he race on a bike anymore after that? Somehow, my galaxy brain wants me to believe that GG and DD understood the dangers of bike racing and that's why he pivoted to car racing now. TIA!

Hi forayintoc-ent! Hope you're well! Thanks so much for your kind words, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog. 😊

It's true that DD was a motorcycle racer for a while, and he seems to be transitioning into auto racing lately. It's unknown whether that's a complete and permanent shift, or whether he will ever race motorcycles again at some future point.

I personally view it as, "Yibo is into racing" and not "Yibo has given up motorcycles in favor of cars." He's an adventurous adrenaline seeker, and I think he will likely never completely give up things he enjoys - he just finds new interests.

He did have an accident back in 2020. That was a scary moment for all of us at the time. Here are a few posts I made back then:

Pre-race hype

Seconds after the accident

After the investigation/ruling about the incident was announced

He hasn't raced in any motorcycle competitions since then, but it's not really known exactly why that is. Everyone's theories are just that - theories and opinions based on various factors. I have my own take on this, which is just my own opinion.

Here are some of the factors that I suspect have gone into this decision for DD:

Personal interest - DD loves racing. He's also quite good at it. It's only natural he's going to want to explore ways to expand on and continue to enjoy this passion. Remember, he didn't even have his automobile license when he started racing motorcycles. He only got his full driver's license back in the summer of 2020. I suspect the experience of driving cars more frequently has probably made him more interested in racing them, at least in part.

Evisu Racing - This connection is likely a huge factor. He's been working with Evisu as an endorsement brand for years, and they happen to be working with a racing team. The fact that he has a professional relationship with a team that wants to work with him in auto racing... it's just a natural fit, a great opportunity and something he was probably quite happy to work his way into.

Endorsements and backers - I've said this many times, but career-wise GG and DD are - first and foremost - business endeavors. Big money, big business endeavors. Their careers represent the work product of dozens and dozens of people, backers, investors, managers, handlers, producers and brands. These financial and business interests are extremely risk averse. They're probably fine tolerating DD racing as long as it's going well, but they will not have been happy to see their golden goose rolling around on the pavement of a racetrack. It's possible that DD has had to shift some of his interests to appease those stakeholders.

Loved ones - Yes, obviously GG as his partner as well as his family and friends will have been extremely worried and horrified when DD had his accident. There were rumors that GG and their families rallied together to be there for DD after the accident, plus his DDU family, and undoubtedly many others would have rallied around him at the time. It's inevitable that he would have heard a lot of stern words from those around him about the dangers of motorcycle racing.

DD's own feelings - Let's face it, all of us - including his loved ones - watched the accident. DD LIVED it. If there's fear involved in this decision, it's likely as much DD's fear as anyone else's.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT.

There are no definitive stats that show auto racing to be safer than motorcycle racing. It's largely a perception thing. Motorcycles in general are much more dangerous, so I think people assume motorcycle racing is much more dangerous. However, both sports are dangerous, and both involve serious accidents including fatalities.

I don't know anything about the series/groups he's racing in or what their rules are, but it's possible that the infrastructure he'll be racing within - the rules, safety standards, sport culture, etc. - creates a safer environment for him in auto racing vs. motorcycle. We just don't know. No matter what standards are in place, you can't - with a straight face - call auto racing 'safe'.

In fact, there is a lot of debate about this topic and not a lot of hard data. It appears that auto racing has many more fatalities than motorcycle racing, but that could be partially due to the fact that auto racing is much more popular and involves many more racers. Regardless of which is technically scarier than the other, the reality is - they're both dangerous sports.

Any perception that DD is 'much safer' in a car - in my view - is wishful thinking. Speed is dangerous.

I'm not saying this to scare fans, I'm saying this to hopefully put a rest to the rumor/idea that DD's taking the safe route with this new auto racing thing. He's not. He's a racer.

As for the idea that GG put a stop to DD's motorcycle racing career, I really doubt it. If you enjoy CPNing it that way, please continue. But I personally don't think that's likely the whole story, or even a significantly large part of it. There are a lot of factors at play here, and a lot of people whose input DD would have received on this, not to mention his own personal feelings and shifting interests.

I will say this: if GG was as terrified as some fans make it seem, I doubt DD would be doing any racing at all. The fact that he's got this new thing going, it's impossible for me to imagine that GG doesn't support him wholeheartedly in this endeavor. GG's a young man too. No doubt he thinks racing is cool as well. He got involved with DD because he was DD. I'm sure he appreciates all that entails.

Edit: A couple of older posts have surfaced that established that this auto racing endeavor was planned from as far back as 2021, and there are interview clips of DD from back in 2019 saying that he wanted to try auto racing.

#bjyx #yizhan #tracer 85 #racer yibo 85 #evisu racing #ask

45 notes · View notes

rbr4c1ng · 7 months ago

Note

Hii! I was wondering if you could maybe explain the bus bros fallout or p2p gate or pretty much all of the McLaughlin-Newgarden lore to me since I'm only getting in to IndyCar now and I want to be caught up before the 500. I understand this is a big ask but I've seen that youve posted about it and I just NEED to know. Any links to other pieces of lore would also be much apreciated. Completely understand if you don't want to write anything though so thank you so much I advance!! <3

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL EXPLAIN! this is my special interest dw i could write an 18 page essay about their lore.

SO basically scott came into indycar from supercars in 2020-2021 ish and him a josef started getting along like super well, which is honestly a bit odd bc josef is known to not really let people get so close to him, so scotty is a bit of an outlier in that respect.

eventually! they make bus bros!!! wooooo everyone loves it etc etc they have fun making it…. until they don’t! leading up to their breakup there were QUITE a few clues that they knew it was gonna end in flames like scott talked about it on off track (see audio excerpt below) and on hot seats with hinch if i remember correctly?

there’s also a fair share of articles that mention it. they basically knew it was inevitable but i don’t think anyone thought it was gonna happen so quickly??

so then the winter break leading into the 2024 szn happened! this is about when i started getting really into bus bros and was honestly pretty present for some of this shit (i was at the daytona 24 and st pete so i’ve got some first hand evidence but we will get to that later)… anyways so the rumors start going around that bus bros is over around?? st pete time i think??? a little bit earlier. which is odd given that they seemed okay with each other at the daytona 24, even though i thought it was strange that they weren’t both on tower motorsports anymore cause josef switched to penske porsche but GENERALLY it seemed okay (although based on this pic idk their relationship seems a little charged atp but it’s all speculation really)

then after the rumors come out i think it was jenna fryer’s article that did it in? (idk it has a paywall on it for me right now and i don’t care enough to find it here but there’s definitely excerpts floating around) now i do recommend to take anything jenna fryer says with a grain of salt bc she is essentially a gossip columnist for all intents and purposes. but the article basically said that josef and scotty were done and scott wouldn’t answer any questions about it and was only saying that they’re fine or to ask josef about it (tea from todays 100 days to indy episode actually…). they promptly took down the bus bros merch site and have been relatively quiet since then. at st pete they talked on the podium and didn’t seem too bad but i’ve seen other clips where they won’t even sit next to each other or speak to each other so take that as you will. podiums are pretty much just publicity, cameras everywhere, you’d probably want to seem at least cordial with your teammate.

(pic 1 is mine, pic 2 is a pic of my tv from todays episode LMFAO)

so heres where most of the speculative stuff comes in. Josef dissolved his media company, unfollowed everyone, and cancelled bus bros leading into the 2024 season because he wanted to “get rid of distractions”, and really we could leave it at that, but i find it hard to believe that that’s the only thing that happened.

Josef is the dictionary definition of Penske Perfect, you won’t get any closer to it than him. he’s fucking OBSESSED with this idea of being perfect. perfect season, perfect body, perfect car, perfect team. obviously this isn’t feasible, but scotty seemed to have broken through that block in his little Penske Perfect brain and got him to LIGHTEN UP A BIT. and then the 2023 season happened. sure, josef won the indy 500 but it was one of his worst season finishes in a while and, to make matters worse, scott BEAT him. little scotty mac, supercars champion transplant from 2021 beat josef newgarden at his own fucking game after breaking down his walls and making him soft. i can see how that scared josef honestly. so he ended it. Scott doesn’t see things on a plane of winning/losing imo, everything is just experience for him. hell, he didn’t even know if he would end up in indycar and he sure as hell didn’t think he’d win races so soon AND beat his teammate. to josef, it’s JUST winning/losing. if he’s losing, he needs to be better. and he lost sight of that for the 2023 season. that’s why he had to come back and put an end to the shenanigans bc he knows scott makes him soft.

but that’s just my speculation!!!!! literally could just be nothing. maybe it is to josef, but i know for a FACT it isn’t to scott.

OH and with the p2pgate stuff! basically they had a component in their car that. was not supposed to be there! that prevented race control from turning off their push to pass like normal. (marshall pruitt has a rlly good article explaining it all here) and they were caught in long beach when race control forgot to turn on the push to pass during the sunday warm up and HMMMMM why do the penske cars still have it???? when has this happened before??? oh ok st pete! now they’re disqualified. josef used 9 seconds of p2p when it was not enabled and scotty only used 1.9 and will used none. so i’m led to believe that it was a josef-centered choice IF it was intentional to use the p2p when it was supposed to be inactive.

now josef really laid down the water works for that press conference at barber to the point that i was having a VERY hard time watching it. i felt bad for the guy. he seemed really fucking upset and i almost believe that it WASNT on purpose but. it’s just too good to be true right?

honestly i think this all could tie back to the downfall of bus bros in that scott maybe didn’t want to do the p2p thing but josef was willing to? and maybe that caused some sort of divide between them bc then again for josef it’s about Winning No Matter What, and yes scott wants to win but cheating isn’t the way for him. idk.

for more of their lore when they WERE friends, watch bus bros (duh), admit one, 100 days to indy, scott learns america: nashville, hot seats with hinch, and listen to scott’s episode on off track with hinch and rossi! also there are some very brief interactions between them on some older penske games videos before bus bros was even a thing but it’s not much. there are more but i can’t think of them rn…

sorry for rambling, if you have any more qs feel free to ask!!! i’m always available for brain picking :)

#anyways.#this is how my brain works #this is all i think about all the time 24/7/365 #psychoanalyzing race car drivers…#indycar #bus bros #josef newgarden #scott mclaughlin #p2pgate #correct me if any of this is wrong bc sometimes i just say shit

73 notes · View notes

artificial-transmutations · 2 years ago

Text

Peace and Love

The rain that had covered the city ruins during the last few days had ended an hour ago. Still, Misha didn't feel good walking through the bombed out place. The sky was still gray and dark, always ready to unload a new shower of rain water on them.

Usually, Misha liked the rain, since it always had a cleaning aspect to it, washing away the dirt and making way for new sunshine. However, that had changed when he had been drafted and sent into this country on the whim of the president, an old man with an unhealthy appetite for neighboring countries' soil.

At the beginning, Misha believed all the lies they had been told, about how evil this countries government was and that they needed to liberate the people here. It had been quite a surprise when said people had little interest in being liberated and instead fought back with all they had.

It should have been a short war, not even a real war, that's what they said. Now, it has already been well over one year since they invaded.

Misha sighed. He knew that, secretly, many of the other soldiers thought the same way, but nobody dared to say anything.

The other man he was on patrol with, for example. His name was Sergey, and Misha knew that he had left a girlfriend at home when he was drafted for this war. Although Sergey didn't talk too much about it, Misha knew she had broken up with him by now. He had no idea how Sergey knew, since they weren't allowed to use phones, but such news didn't do much to raise the poisoned mood of the soldiers.

In that regard, Misha was lucky. The only woman he left at home was his mother, since he was "between girlfriends" currently. Truth be told, he just wasn't very good in taking to girls. Not that it mattered, anyway, because right now, he was mainly in the company of men.

There had been rumors about some of the invading soldiers seeking release with the local girls, against their will even. Misha refused to believe that, and he was pretty sure it couldn't have been anyone from his unit: Although or perhaps even because they were all real men, Misha was sure none of them would do something like that.

In other units, though, Misha wasn't quite so sure if he was being honest. There were some pretty big assholes in the army - a character trait that curiously often coincided with the firm belief in what they were doing out here.

"Do you think it will end soon? That damned war, I mean."

Misha's thoughts were interrupted by Sergey's voice. As usual, the other man sounded borderline depressed.

It made no sense to lie, so Misha shook his head. "Not until the old man dies."

Instinctively, Misha looked around. Thankfully, there wasn't anyone else here. He should not have said that! If Sergey told anyone, he would be shot!

"Hah. You're brave." Sergey said, himself looking around, before continuing in a lower voice.

"But I agree. All of that is just so... wrong."

If Sergey was testing him, he was very convincing. It did feel good to be able to speak his heart for a change, so Misha nodded.

"Yeah. What are we even doing here? I'm tired of fighting, and this whole war is not justified at all."

Sergey turned to a more secluded alley, away from potential eyes and ears that could hear their highly treacherous conversation. When he was sure that nobody could see or hear them, he stopped and lit a cigarette and regarded Misha with a long look.

"Did you ever think about just... you know... Not fighting anymore? Just going away?" he asked, carefully.

Whoa, this was dangerous talk indeed. Misha almost whispered, when he replied:

"You mean like - deserting?"

Sergey nodded. "I've been thinking about it for some time now. I just don't want to do this anymore. All this destruction and killing and violence. And all that for a cause I don't believe in. The old man is not only destroying the lives of the people here, but also the lives of his own men, our lives. And you know what? I think he doesn't even care. Someone really should stand up to him and end this, but everyone is just afraid."

Misha needed a second to digest this, but he found himself agreeing whole heartedly. "I feel you, man! But who would do that? There's a reason everyone is afraid. He'll fucking kill you or your family."

Sergey sighed. There was no denying Misha was right, it wasn't like he hadn't had that thought himself.

"I know. And, you know, I don't care how, but I just don't want to do this anymore. I wish there would just be peace, and love."

Misha nodded sincerely. "Peace and love. That sounds wonderful."

It was a strange moment between the two soldiers, both tough men and raised in a culture of masculinity. Opening their hearts like that was something neither of them were used to do. All these emotions, all these wishes should be kept inside, at all cost. That was what was expected of them both. Yet, somehow, the sincere and pure wish, uttered from the bottom of Sergey's heart touched something inside of Misha, and resonated with his own tortured soul. He couldn't prevent it: A single tear rolled down his dirty cheek.

The thing about wishes is that they are powerful. While belief is able to move mountains, hope and wishes shape our live, from the start until the very end. Once a true and pure wish like that is out in the open, it cannot be contained anymore. Given the right moment in time and the right people around us, a wish like that can take root and bloom into something magnificent. Even in the darkest places and the most tortured souls, there is magic. Most often, you can't see it and the magic we shape by our hearts truest desires is subtle and works unseen. But there are those really rare times when the spark of the wish that ignites our magic is so strong, so deeply rooted, that the magic it unleashes is not a small and unseen trickle, but a flood, a force being able to change anything and everything, in the most spectacular of ways. This was one of those moments.

Misha was surprised to feel the other man's hand on his cheek, wiping away his tear. The touch was gentle and tender and didn't really fit to the tough man wearing uniform and carrying an assault rifle. When Misha looked up, he saw Sergey smiling, perhaps for the first time in all of the months they had known each other now.

Misha wanted to say something, anything really, but he couldn't. There was a lump in his throat and his feelings were going crazy. He had never noticed, but Sergey looked good when he smiled. Not just good, Sergey looked handsome, beautiful even. As much as he wanted to, Misha couldn't stop looking at Sergey's face. He did barely notice that he too was smiling. There was an unknown feeling in his stomach, making him feel weak and strong at the same time. He felt an attraction stronger than anything he had ever felt before, and he knew Sergey was experiencing something similar. The cigarette had been dropped to the ground carelessly, as the two men moved closer to each other. Sergey’s eyes were deep brown pools that sucked Misha in - so beautiful, and yet so close.

Misha did only notice how close they had gotten when their noses touched. He backed up half a centimeter, before he saw the smile on Sergey’s mouth showing a slight hint of amusement. Then it happened, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if it was a law of nature rather than something Misha was told was abhorrent. Their lips found each other, warm and soft and tender.

As Misha and Sergey kissed, the world around them was in motion. The ruined and wet concrete around them changed and became more aligned to the joy in their souls, as it gave way to the new reality they created together. In this place where violence and death reigned, love and peace took hold, and their surroundings became a home, filled with life and memories.

The dirt of the conflict on their skins washed away, along with their uniforms and tools of war, until they were as naked as the day they were born. But not even their bodies stayed the same. While Sergey became somewhat more massive, with bulging muscles and a slight layering of body fat, for Misha, it was the other way around. His features became more delicate, and a lean build formed on his body. While he retained a slight bit of body hair and a hint of stubble on his chin, it was nothing compared to Sergey, whose body bloomed with a dense pelt of dark hair. A short and attractive beard formed on his chin and tickled Misha while they made out passionately. Their naked erections rubbed together, already having accepted this new reality. As Misha's hair lightened up a bit, become a dark blond spiky cut, both of them knew in their heart that it was done. They had escaped the madness, together. They were at home and at peace. And, most importantly, they were loved. Misha loved his boyfriend, Sergey, and Sergey loved him. Finally, the sky had cleared up for them, and the future was bright.

I believe I should mention again that all characters and events in my stories are purely fictional. Inspiration however can come from the strangest things. I whish everyone the peace and love they really wish for!

This story also serves as a complementary piece to Army fantasies, since I felt it ended on a slightly unpleasant note, at least for some.

#male transformation #muscle transformation #straight to gay

273 notes · View notes

austinslounge · 2 months ago

Note

I personally still believe Austin and Kaia have already split. The pap walk, did work in terms of settling down the rumors and speculation from the media about a break up. But they haven't been seen since. It was all a formality. Get the media off their backs until they want to make it public. Happens all the time.

But in hindsight, no one actually bought that those two were still happy and together. Kaia called the paps to make sure she was seen with Austin. Austin, I don't know what his role in all this is. I think he agreed to do what he needs to be left alone.

L&S is getting info from someone from both sides. All their articles about this relationship are pretty straight forward. Where as Page 6 is trying to spin this narrative that everything is good with them. But you take one look at Austin and Kaia, and no things are not good. L&S knows something is up. What they say it was we've all been seeing. Anyone who actually looks at Austin and Kaia can sense they don't even like each other anymore. When's the last time they even smiled at each other? Every single pap walk the last 6 months has been the same. Miserable faces and barely interacting with each other.

This latest article about Cindy, I feel is another prelude to the eventual break up announcement. Going with the narrative of Kaia and her family doing everything they could to make things work with Austin. But in the end they couldn't fix it, whatever bullshit that family wants to spin. Because they will spin the narrative that makes it seem like Kaia did everything to make it work and Austin wasn't having it. Which isn't exactly false. But the Gerbe'rs would spin it in a way to make Austin look bad. Which again, Austin knows will happen.

Anyways, I don't even worry about this stuff anymore. Even when the pap pics were released last week, I wasn't surprised. We knew they'd probably do one last walk together.

Thanks for your honest input girl! 😊 I appreciate it.

I'll be honest, this Kaustin couple is so weird, and I've been burned so many times before with thinking they broke up and then I see them together again in a pap stroll 🙄, so I'm just going to wait until Austin stops filming (or until he's spotted getting cozy w/another woman) before I call a "breakup".

I think they are a PR arrangement, and that's why it seems like they've broken up 50 million times, but they always end up being seen together again. 😩

One day, this circus will be over though, and one of the biggest signs to me that it's over (aside from a formal breakup announcement) will be Austin spending time with other women. That man has been so starved of a real and genuine loving relationship, that when he's finally done with this PR showmance, I don't think he's going to waste any time spending time with other women.

We've seen what "Single Austin" looks like lol 😆, and in those days, he was rumored to be spotted with other women. There were also the Lily Rose fling pictures. 🤭

Believe me, we will know when Austin is single again lol. 😅 He's hot, and trust me, lots of women in Hollywood have noticed. I honestly think Austin will be the best sign that they have broken up --- NOT Kaia.

But that's just my personal feeling on all of this. You can feel free to disagree.

As for right now, I'm just going to sip my wine 🍷 and wait to see what happens after Austin is finished with his filming.

Girl, nobody is buying it at all lol. 😅 That's because we actually have eyes and can see lol. Not even the ones who usually ship them together bought that pap stroll after Gracie's concert.

Just the fact that Paul Mescal (who's actually dating Gracie), along with other celebrities who were at the concert weren't papped by the paps, and only Austin and Kaia were papped coming out of the concert tells me everything I need to know.

Now that her SNL film already came out and she's probably not doing anymore press, let's see if she stays in NYC, or goes back to LA.

Btw, speaking of Paul Mescal, this is what he and Gracie look like together. 😏

When have we ever seen Austin and Kaia look like this?

Anyways, I don't even worry about this stuff anymore. Even when the pap pics were released last week, I wasn't surprised. We knew they'd probably do one last walk together.

Girl, listen. Ever since the Marcello incident, there's no Kaustin pap stroll or engagement announcement that can change my thoughts on these two.

This seems like an arrangement hands down. It also seems like Austin is just done. Even Kaia herself looks like she's done and wants to just live her "Hot Girl Summer" life lol. 😅

There is no genuine love btwn these two at all. This ship is sinking faster than the Titanic lol. 😅

The fact that we see Austin and Kaia looking stone-faced 90% of the time together, and yet they can be photographed one time with others and look happy as a clam is everything I need to know.

The thing I look at the most isn't even the Pap stroll pics honestly (anyone can claim that they just don't like the paparazzi in their face and that's why they are scowling).

What I'm looking at is more so their candid shots taken from locals when they don't even realize they're being photographed or video taped. To me, that is telling a bigger story than even the pap photos.

Muskoka video clip

Any Cabo trip that Austin has taken with her and/or her family

The picture of them both on their phones in NYC

The photos of them bts at that play they went to in NYC

That's why I don't ever buy the "they looked so happy and in love!" claims from sightings, because they never look like that in 90% of the photographs we see of them together.

His body language is usually very closed off with her. To me, it's very telling.

#sorry for this thesis 😩#I didn't intend for this to get so long 😭

15 notes · View notes

lynaferns · 1 year ago

Text

I needed to take something out of my chest and I got into a rant of basically me complaining about the (DCA) fandom and shippings. It got long so I'm putting a cut.

If you don't want to read it you don't have to.

Edit: I wanted to clarify, I'm not throwing crap at anyone for liking shipping, there is nothing wrong with the ships. I'm just taking my frustration out to the air because good platonic/friendship content is hard to find. The problem is mine, not yours.

Edit 2: This post is VERY outdated and I don't belive in half of what I said here anymore (the bottom half), I grew out it and I'm doing better now, I think. Also guess what? turns out I may be very aroce so that explains the other half of the post lol.

Since I rebloged that post about being tired of shipping in the fandoms my feed (<-idk if it's called that) has filled up with more posts about it that I relate to but feel bad rebloging because I don't want to call out any of you.

But I'm at a point that it has gotten SO tiresome, shipping is the only thing I find when I go in the Sun and Moons tags. "If you don't want to see that you can filter the tags-" <-that would be great, that would work if it wasn't because 1-there are like 20 different tags for the same thing and I'm constantly adding new ones to the filter 2-not everybody tags correctly/at all their post, I've seen people post their ship art and not tag it as ship, that is going to slip through the filter.

And all the shipping is about romantic/suggestive, they either want to kiss them or something more intimate. Where are the platonic relationships? And I mean friendship relationship, sex/romantic repulsed even. I tried to make one myself, even if I put tags of 'no ship' people still tags it as 'character x selfinser/yn' ship, why? What in the post/drawing/comic/AU made you think this was romantic? That makes me question more things like, why holding hands has to be romantic? Why sleeping in the same bed because there is only one has to be romantic? Why does the minimum of fisical contact a character has with other has to mean is romantic? Why why why? Even if the characters are truly in love/already dating, I don't get it, I don't get why that's the norm, why any of it automatically means 'romantic'.

There is really no solution to this unless I leave the fandom or stop searching content.

I wish I was into that stuff so I could appreciate it, but I'm not and it's no ones fault. I know those people are just doing their thing and having fun, AND it looks fun! I've seen a lot of cool artists around but I can't follow them because I risk having to see everyday the stuff they draw or reblog that makes me uncomfortable. It sucks. I can't make any friends here or anywhere because of this barrier (other than anxiety/personal difficulties and stuff).

And it doesn't stop there. Since the beginning I had the feeling that the DCA fandom likes a totally different character from the one I like. When I search fanart/comics/AUs Sun doesn't feel like Sun, Moon doesn't feel like Moon and every interpretation of fanon Eclipse I had encountered is some kind of mastermind, manipulative and as a plus, predatory, in a bad way.

I'm not good at writing, I know it's hard, I know not every one will share the same perspective I have of the characters, there is not much info about them anyways. But sometimes it feels like people throws out of the window the few details we have about them that makes the Daycare Attendant THE Daycare Attendant to make a completely different character with the same shell. Or they believe as canon something that the fandom made up because everybody collectively believed a rumor even though there's no official information or confirmation.

If the canon Sun and Moon were the same as fanon I would have never liked them.

I'm sure this is a thing in every fandom and I'm probably just pointing out something that everybody knows but this is the first fandom that I got into so this whole year and a half has been a new experience.

Even though all of this I'm still going to draw them, I'll still make fanarts because I like this character.

I've been feeling burned out lately so I don't know how regularly I'm going to draw them or post about them but the brainrot is staying one more year.

#lyna rambles #<- I'm using this tag everytime I decide to throw nonsenses here #...or I need to complain about something and the phone is close by

84 notes · View notes

decks-writing-blog · 10 days ago

Text

Free Them Chapter 1/3: The Hole in the Simulation

Summary: Gordon frees the AI from the simulation.

[A/N] Another fic I finished writing like 2 months ago but didn't have time to edit and upload because I was busy with Halloween stuff. Here it finally is though. Also, I'm sure people have done Aperture AU's with the HLVRAI cast before but this is my take on the idea.

“I believe you.”

It was barely more than a whisper but it had Gordon flinching anyway. He spun his desk chair around to confront the intruder.

Doug Rattmann. His gaze averted, he stood in front of Gordon’s cubicle, a steaming cup of coffee in his thin hands.

“Huh? What?”

“I believe you,” Doug repeated.

Gordon wasn’t in the mood for company but he wasn’t quite frustrated enough to be rude about it either. “Uh… thanks. What do you believe me about exactly?”

“The AI in the test simulation you played. You said they’re alive and thinking and feeling. I believe you.”

In hindsight, he couldn’t have possibly been referring to anything else. Since finishing it, the amount of times Gordon had argued with his co-workers had been rather high. It’s all anyone talked about with him anymore. Doug believing him wasn’t surprising. Rumor had it he thought that the Companion Cubes were alive. Still though, it was nice to be believed for a change.

“It makes sense,” Doug continued. “We have all those brain scans for the GLaDOS project and the simulation used them create its characters, right? That’s what I’d heard anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Borrowing them took some convincing but we did it.” As head of the simulation project, using those scans had been Gordon’s idea. The plan was to create as realistic a digital world as possible so having the simulation model it’s most prominent NPC’s off of real human brain data made sense, right?

The ‘little’ prank his coworkers had played on him by telling the simulation to treat the world like a violent video game and even directly putting the Resonance Cascade in had helped with that by really pushing the limits of it. But that didn’t mean Gordon was happy about it. It was supposed to have just been a friendly gameified workweek at Black Mesa, mostly focused on interacting with the world and the NPC’s in it. But violent or not, the simulation had still modeled the main NPC’s off of real brain data and it had done a better job of it than Gordon had predicted even if the others didn’t believe him about that. They hadn’t talked to any of the Science Team or Benrey so they didn’t know.

Doug shifted his hold on his coffee mug as his eyes darted to the opposite side of Gordon’s cubicle, never once resting on Gordon directly. “So the AIs basically have their own little brains. The others say the simulation isn’t that advanced yet and that proof of that is the fact that we’re nowhere close to ready to put Cave’s brain into a GLaDOS machine yet. But making a brain is different than uploading one. The AIs are alive but they’re trapped. You should free them.”

Gordon had thought about doing something with the simulation a few times. Find a way to keep it running even despite his coworkers rightful objections over how much power that took. He’d even been thinking about taking it to Cave Johnson himself because he might sign off on the idea even just to see if anything happened if the simulation was allowed to run indefinitely. The main external thing making him hesitate had been the chance that Cave Johnson might decide to shut it down entirely. He was known for being an asshole just for the sake of being one sometimes. But ‘freeing them’ didn’t exactly describe that. “What do you mean ‘free them’?’

“Give them a way to interact with the world. The real one. Or… what we all believe to be the real world. Who knows if it is in actuality? I’m not sure how. You have much more experienced with the simulation than I. But I’m sure that they are trapped and that you can help them if you try.”

Listening to what Doug Rattmann had to say when it came to anything touching on what was reality or not, maybe wasn’t wise. But despite all his eccentricities, he didn’t get his position at Aperture out of luck or nepotism. He was at least as smart as anyone else here, probably more so given all the, ‘you must be crazy’s he no doubt had to deal with while on his way to his current position. Something Gordon now had a small taste of with being called ‘crazy’ for believing his AI friends were real. … Maybe Doug was right and the Companion Cubes were sentient too. A thought to chew on later. First came this ‘free them’ idea.

“I’ll think about it, I guess. And if I come up with a way to ‘free them’ or whatever, I will.” Assuming it was reasonably possible to do anyway.

“Good. Good.” Doug nodded. “I hope to meet the AIs if ever given the chance.”

“Uh, I’ll keep you up to date on them then.” If for no other reason than Gordon appreciated being believed finally.

Conversation apparently done, Doug turned and left. No ‘goodbye’ or where to reliably find him for the promised AI updates. Oh well. Doug was made his way around the labs fairly often so no doubt Gordon would run into him again eventually.

Dr. Coomer had said Gordon’s suit had a hole in it that he’d wanted to crawl through. Scared out of his mind – it had all felt so real – at the time, Gordon typically tried not to think too much about it. The hand that had been cut off was even the same one he was missing in real life – supposedly not planned by his coworkers – so it had brought back a lot of that old turmoil. (In real life, he thankfully didn’t have a gunhand but instead a prosthetic, high-tech and made by Aperture so not exactly normal but a more proper hand nonetheless.) Which was why it had taken him so long to finally come back to considering the words themselves, brought on by Doug’s suggestion.

The ‘hole’ Dr. Coomer had been talking about hadn’t been in the one the HEV suit. Crawling into Gordon’s virtual body wouldn’t have brought him any closer to the real world. No the hole could only be referring the hole in the simulation itself that allowed Gordon to access it. So in theory all Gordon had to do was create some more holes, ones that could be ‘crawled through’ to reach the real world.

Far easier said than done but this was Aperture Science. They did what they must because they could for the good of everyone. In this case, specifically for the good of Gordon’s AI pals. Aperture was also an expert in all things robots. A whole big team of people were literally working daily on creating a giant robot that would be in charge of the whole facility. Gordon was not looking forward to when it was finished and Cave Johnson’s brain was put into it as was the plan, but it did result in there being lots of robot resources around. Making robots an obvious thing to consider.

All he had to do was make some robot bodies that could hopefully house the AIs and hook them up to the simulation so his friends could crawl into them. It wouldn’t be easy but was well within his capabilities. The hard part would be the physical aspect, actually building the robots.

The models around the lab currently were too limited. Neither of the kinds of turrets could go anywhere under their own power – not that Gordon would trust the Science Team in turret bodies anyway given how trigger happy they all were. And the cores weren’t complete yet and thus their railings weren’t done being built, and even when they were, they’d only be in certain places. Gordon needed to make robot bodies that moved entirely under their own power. Making them look human and like their intended recipient's model from the simulation was tempting but he did not have the skills to pull something like that off. Nor did the facility have the means to easily build such parts anyway. He had to work with what was available.

Thus ultimately what he ended up with was a design for a larger core with arm and leg attachments. With help from the Robot Assembly Department he even got it built. It wasn’t the most elegant thing in the world but it would do especially as a test of his ‘hole in the simulation’ theory.

Telling people what he was doing got him more ‘are you crazy?’ looks and even a few comments but the simulation project was his baby so he was free to do with it whatever he wanted. Unless someone above him stepped in and interfered anyway but if need be he could probably find a way to frame this as being good for the company too. Thankfully no one seemed inclined to try that route. Thus he had help hooking the robot’s empty ‘brain’ up to the simulation before strapping himself in as well.

Naturally it dropped him in front of the Chuck-E-Cheese. Next to him was the empty robot, a copy of his player model because that was the quickest to implement. Based off how he looked in real life but low poly, it had a weird and creepy vibe to it. Getting the graphics to look realistic and/or pretty for this project wasn’t high priority yet and thus readable had been the only thing they’d gone for. He quickly turned away and made his way into the restaurant, leaving it out there for now.

Nervous about what he could say to the team, he hadn’t run the simulation since the video game had completed. As a result, everything was exactly how he’d left it. The birthday party decorations were still up and his pals were seated around the table. … Mr. Coolatta was missing though. Gordon could’ve sworn he’d been in the corner. But it had been a several months, misremebering such a small detail wasn’t out of the question.

The team of course wouldn’t know it had been months since last they’d interacted. To them, Gordon would’ve just left and come back after only a few minutes. Thus it wasn’t surprising Dr. Coomer stood to greet him with a smile as he reached them but that didn’t stop it from feeling weird. By all rights, the three of them should be angry with him for abandoning them so long. But they didn’t know and thus weren’t. Hopefully if they ever found out how long it had been, they wouldn’t mind.

“Hello, Gordon! Did you get my message?”

“I did, yeah.” It had come to him in the moments he was being drawn out of the simulation. Something that shouldn’t have been possible. Which had made it the final nail in the coffin for convincing him that these AI’s had gained self-awareness. “And uh… I think I might have something better than putting you in a different video game.”

“So this is a video game then?” Bubby asked as he stood too.

Admitting it at this point wouldn’t hurt since he had a solution… hopefully. “Yeah. It’s uh… it’s a video game. Or maybe more accurately it’s a simulation that was told to host a video game inside itself so it made a video game world out of its given assets.” Including creating more when such was needed, like the aliens and the Chuck-E-Cheese. How it had come up with said Chuck-E-Cheese was still a mystery. But that was more proof that this project had gotten more complex than intended.

“I guess that makes sense,” Tommy said. “But… that means… that means we’re not real, right? You’re the only one who’s real.”

“Uh… I think you guys are real. I mean, something existing only in a digital space doesn’t mean it’s not real, right? You exist in the computer. All my thoughts are electric pulses in my brain. You’re thoughts are the same just with less organic matter involved.”

“I think, therefore I am,” Dr. Coomer said. “What is your idea though? How are you going to make the fact that the world we exist in depends entirely on how long you’re willing to leave it running for, better?”

“Right, yeah, that. It’s why I’m here.” Despite the reasonable amount of confidence he’d had coming in, he was suddenly not so sure anymore. This was the reason he’d avoided coming back. How did you tell someone that their world, everything they knew, was just a test for a bigger project? “First though I should say that I’m not a theoretical physicist, that was a lie for the game. I actually work almost entirely with computers. I kinda made this simulation, with help but… I was in charge of most of it.”

“You’re God then?” Bubby interrupted, not sounding terribly impressed.

“Not really. I created the program and gave it stuff to work with but it put it all together, procedural generation and all that. So if anything, I created the god that created you. But anyway that means I’m basically an expert on it. Despite that, I don’t know for an absolute fact that my idea will work. It’s worth a try ‘cause it might but don’t get your hopes up too high yet. Now that you’ve been warned though, I guess there’s nothing else to do but try it, huh? Follow me.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and led the way back outside. Out here it was more obvious than ever they were in a simulation. The parking lot surrounding them extended all the way to the horizon. The game had ended after all, the simulation continued but it wouldn’t keep building the game unless told to resume doing so.

The robot’s empty model stood a few few away from the entrance, still creepy as ever. If this worked Gordon would insist a different model be used for the next ones.

“Another you?” Tommy asked as they gathered in a semi-circle around it.

“No. It just looks like me because it’s the model that was easiest to implement for this test. Its not even the same kind of entity, I altered it quite a bit. Think of it as a hole in the simulation. There’s an empty robot on the other side. I’m hoping you can use this as a gateway to that robot and thus uh… be free of the simulation.”

“There’s only one,” Bubby said. “You expect us to share a robot body or something?”

“No. I only made one because I’m not sure if it’ll work. If it does, I’ll make more for everyone else. But uh… I guess that means you guys have to decide who gets to try it first.” In hindsight, maybe Gordon should’ve just made three of them. Only freeing one from the simulation when the other two were right here was uncomfortable to say the least.

“If this works, will Sunkist get a robot doggy body too?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, I could probably do that.” Gordon hadn’t given any real thought to Sunkist before, too focused on his friends’ freedom – though could he really call them friends when their relationship was based on a lie? But it should be doable.

“Okay. Be sure to make her perfect. I’ll go later because I want to go with her. So you two could um… play rock-paper-scissors for this one.”

“On guard Bubby!” Dr. Coomer snapped around to face him, raising his hands, ready for the duel.

With a shrug, Bubby complied. “Rock, paper, scissors,” they said in unison. Bubby landed on rock and Dr. Coomer, paper. “Damn it. Best two out of three.”

“You’re on!”

“Rock, paper, scissors,” they said in unison again. This time Bubby landed on paper and Dr. Coomer scissors. How he did it when his model shouldn’t be able to make that gesture was a mystery. But if anyone could figure out how to cheat in a more complex hand gesture from within the game, it would be him.

Stepping back, Dr. Coomer raised his fist in the air. “Victory!”

Bubby crossed his arms with a small huff. “Whatever, cheater. I don’t wanna be a fucking guinea pig anyway.”

Dr. Coomer turned to face the empty player model. “How do I step in?”

“I was kinda hoping you’d know since you’re the one who tried it with me.”

“Hmm… I guess I did, huh? There’s no way it would’ve worked with you though, would it?”

“I doubt it. At best you would’ve just broken the equipment I use to connect to the simulation.” It was intensive enough that Gordon had to be eased out of it, woken from the pseudo-sleep state it put him in. So getting jerked out of it as the equipment broke wouldn’t have been great but it wouldn’t have seriously hurt him, it had failsafes in place after all. Not that that would’ve made it not scary. “But even if it hadn’t worked, you wouldn’t have been able to actually interact with the world in any way. You would’ve just been stuck in VR pod.”

“Another reason to be glad that plan failed then. But I guess there’s nothing else to do but to try with this. See you on the other side hopefully. You too Bubby and Tommy! Let’s��a go!”

Stepping towards it, Dr. Coomer lifted hand to touch its chest. At first just pressing against it but then with a little more effort, clipping into it. This ‘player’ entity had been altered to allow for this interaction, hopefully creating a passage through it into the robot on the other side but the model hadn’t been. It jerked and spamsed as Dr. Coomer pushed more of himself through. The blank face made it creepy and unsettling to watch. Gordon forced himself to not look away until Dr. Coomer was entirely within it. A few seconds later, the model stilled.

“Did it work?” Bubby took a step closer.

“Something happened,” Tommy said, mirroring Gordon’s thought. Something had happened, whether that something was it working was hard to tell currently.

“I’ll uh… have to disconnect and see. So I’ll be… not right back but back as soon as I can.”

“Okay, see you soon, Mr. Freeman.”

As always it was like waking from a nap. Never a restful nap though because it wasn’t a restful experience most of the time. The experience allowed him to feel and even smell everything. Even if it wasn’t quite as strong as real life currently that still included the pain of having his hand cut off and the stench of rot. They hadn’t implemented taste yet but they were getting there.

Once he was finally pulled fully back into reality, the release sequence began. Starting with the helmet encasing his entire head. As the most important part, the computer took it off for him, keeping his hands strapped to his sides. Once it was off though, he could finally see the pod around him. Unfortunately he could smell it too.

Supposedly the Cryo team had sent over only pods no one had died in but all three of them had a weird smell that Gordon’s team could never quite banish. Even if he couldn’t tell what it was exactly, it never failed to make him feel unwell. He should’ve insisted harder they create their immersive VR pod from scratch. They’d had to replace most of the internals anyway. But now that they’d put that work in, he couldn’t exactly justify it.

Thankfully because it wasn’t cryosleep, just deep VR integration, it took only a minute or so before the lid was allowed to pop open, letting in fresh air. Unstrapping himself, he pushed it the rest of the way open and stepped out into the test room.

Small and circular, it had contained only the pod and it’s backup on the other side of the room. Said backup pod had been gutted and messily altered to connect to the robot’s empty ‘brain’. That robot had been facing him when he’d gone in. Now though, it was facing away, seemingly studying the nest of bundled wires and cables that had become of the pods inner workings. Which could only mean that it had worked, right?

Gordon took a step closer. “Uh… Dr. Coomer?”

The large core with arms and legs turned face him. Its eye, capable of being any colour was set to deep green; a fitting colour for Dr. Coomer. “Hello, Gordon!” The voice and tone was exactly the same.

“Did it work?”

“Is this the real world and not another layer of the simulation?”

“This real.” Probably anyway.

“Then I would say that it did work. And Gordon, it is beautiful!” The panels on the core body were designed for emoting, allowing him to widen his eye in awe. “I have never seen anything more beautiful! I can not… there are no words to express how grateful I am for this experience, Gordon. Thank you.”

“Wow. I’m… glad it worked.” Gordon should’ve thought of this a long time ago. He’d have to thank Doug for ultimately leading him to the idea whenever he next came around. “Wow, I actually did it. How you feeling? Everything working like it’s supposed to and stuff?”

“I assume so.” He turned to the side and did a little back and forth march. There was a slight wobble to his stride but nothing egregious. At worst mild adjustments might be needed to improve his balance.

“Good. Good. Let’s go um… I’ll show you around and do some tests and stuff.” Introduce him to people so they could finally see what Gordon meant when he’d told them the AI’s had gained sentience. While also making sure everything worked as intended.

“What about Bubby and Tommy, Gordon? Will you go back for them?”

“Of course. I’ll make some more robots for them now that we know for sure it works.” They’d all be free in no time. … Or maybe not ‘no time’ but soon.

Next Chapter

#hlvrai #aperture AU #hlvrai gordon #dr. coomer #bubby #tommy coolatta

5 notes · View notes

shinydixon · 2 years ago

Note

hey, i'm the anon who vented in two parts! thank you fr taking the time to read and post, i freaked out a little after i hit send because i thought it was a bit too much. it's just i never find anyone who's willing to talk about this so openly. i hope i didn't make you think i was judging/attacking you in anyway. i know it's nearly impossible to filter out your blog since it's all about joe/eddie and i think it's the sweetest thing that you leave your asks open for people to come talk and vent. that also means that you must read all kinds of rumors and stuff people send you and i hadn't considered how that must also overwhelm you. i'm choosing to believe gr*c*really moved on from that entire mess. but the kind of crap she pulled back then really left a bad taste in my mouth. when you stop to think that she did most of that shit when she was 25---a whole grown ass woman baiting and trolling teenage girls with ship talk (real and fictional) and deleting posts on her tumblr to play the victim later on really, really doesn't sit right with me. and she did it again just before the last con. baited her 'haters' in with some note about striking fears into their hearts and then deleted the post when she got enough attention/hate. then came back and wrote about how they can hate her as much as they want but some actor was proud of her and that's all that mattered. like...girl, you brought that hate upon yourself literally two nights ago when you taunted the people who don't like you. make it make sense, please. i've seen some anons commenting about joe possibly knowing of her behavior: joe keery doesn't use his twitter anymore. he has only an instagram for his band and he also has a reddit account, i think. jamie doesn't follow her and even if he did, i'm pretty sure he wouldn't be checking her liked tweets or past replies and reading threads upon threads of drama to tell joe later on. it's totally possible he has an idea of what's going on because of insta. his friend manages his insta but it's not crazy to believe he does browse it himself every now and then to see what's going on. as for the rpf, i understand you completely. i read everything. rpf and fic for the characters he plays. this fandom is so talented. the steddie part is so amazing and don't even get me started on my favorite ship which is eddie and nancy. lol. so i just read everything i can get my hands on. well, that's it, i guess. thank you again for allowing me to vent like this. i hope life treats you well now and always. <3

First of all, no problem I like reading what you all send and I don't mind if your ask is long or short 😊

Anyway don't worry I didn't think you were judging me🤍 I just explained my reasons because I get that people might be confused and saying things like "why you keep answering if you say it's overwhelming?" so yeah, I just wanted to explain 🤗

About Grace, I explained why I don't like her and I don't think I'll change my mind but I don't know, considering some people post really nasty shit about her just because it's her, I kinda get it why she felt like posting those things before and during the con.

About Joe, I don't think he knows and honestly I don't think he cares about drama.

Not considering what happened with that black quinnie that got harassed (and that can't be considered drama because racism is a serious issue and in that case someone should've said something), the rest was drama that reminded me a discussion between teenagers 💀

About rpf I don't read them but there's no a real reason why😂 but I agree that, from what I read (mostly steddie or reader insert) this Fandom is creative!

Omg you're the first people I meet that ship Eddie and Nancy! It's an interesting pairing 🥰

Anyway thank you for your kind words 🙏🏻💖I also wish you the best 💗

1 note · View note

san-fics · 3 years ago

Text

Slowly but surely

Felinette, Felix/Marinette, Felix/Ladybug

10. Movie night. Part 2

“Never have I ever been the subject of a rumor that wasn’t true.” Alya continued.

Adrien, Felix and Marinette bended their fingers.

Felix looked at Marinette attentively. Her face faded. For some reason he had a feeling that she wasn’t referring to her superhero identity right now.

Adrien was a celebrity, so all kinds of rumors around him were to be expected. Felix himself was a rather controversial person for the public, and this more than once aroused interest in people and a desire to speculate on their own.

But Marinette?

“You’ll have to tell me more about this later.” Felix said without taking his gaze from her.

“It’s really nothing.” Marinette assured.

But Felix heard the formality of her voice, which meant that she just didn't want to talk about it. And it definitely wasn’t nothing.

“One word.” Alya said from another sofa. “Lila.”

“It’s not that bad!” Adrien interrupted. “She isn’t actually hurting anyone.”

Both Alya and Marinette glared at him.

“Or does she?..” Adrien looked between them not so confident anymore.

“So... uh... anyways...” Nino began cautiously. “Let's imagine that we want to enjoy the evening and not think about bad things tonight.” He suggested. “I'll try to cheer you up.” Nino paused to think for a moment.

Felix reached out to Marinette and took her hand gently. The girl looked up at him.

“This conversation is not over.” He whispered, leaning slightly towards her.

Marinette closed her eyes with a little nod in agreement, and squeezed his hand lightly before releasing it. Then she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them with her arms.

“Never have I ever accidentally said “I love you” to someone.” Nino came up with, trying to bring the party mood back.

Everyone looked at Marinette, who bended her finger.

“I thought it would just be funny to say...” Nino muttered confusedly.

“Insidious woman!” Alya cheered.

“I didn’t know that behind your charming face there is a femme fatale.” Felix teased.

“Would you believe me if I said that it was also for a common good?” She asked shyly.

“Of course we would!” Adrien supported. “You are so kind, Mari! I’m sure you wouldn’t mislead someone on purpose!”

“Right.” Felix smirked at Marinette slyly. “Pure angel...” He bit his lower lip, glaring into her eyes.

“Never have I ever danced in the rain.” Adrien's voice was heard, but Marinette and Felix continued to stare at each other.

Felix didn’t see if someone bended their fingers, lost in her deep blue eyes.

“Mari!” Alya called. “Your turn.”

“Right!” Marinette squeaked and turned to the group. “Never have I ever... uh... thought a cartoon character was hot?”

Adrien and Nino bended their fingers.

“I... uh... I'm afraid to ask...” Marinette said, looking between them.

“Jessica Rabbit, dude!” Nino exclaimed.

“Duh!” Adrien supported cheerfully. “There is no guy who doesn't think she's hot!”

“I'm afraid I have to support the male half of the population this time.” Felix sighed, bending his finger.

“And female.” Alya said, bending her finger.

“Babe?” Nino looked at her questionably.

“What?!” Alya exclaimed protectively. “She’s hot!”

“I can see who liked the picture to the extreme...” Felix said, smirking at Nino and glancing over Alya.

“What can I say.” Nino sighed, looking at his girlfriend with affection. “Sometimes we find a dream in real life.”

“Sometimes we do.” Felix agreed thoughtfully, and kept himself from looking at Marinette again. How hard it was for him to control himself when she was so close! “Never have I ever fought with a partner in public.” He said, lightly grinning.

Everyone else bended their fingers, and Marinette nudged him in the side playfully.

“No cheating!” She whispered only for him to hear.

“Ouch!” Felix portrayed pain theatrically. “Who do you take me for?!” He smiled naughtily at her. “When did I cheat?”

“Never have I ever played a musical instrument.” Alya said, smiling at them approvingly.

Adrien, Nino and Felix bended their fingers. Marinette turned to Felix.

“I didn’t even know that you were playing an instrument!” She exclaimed accusingly.

“We aren’t even married yet so you know everything about me.” He joked, smirking at her.

“You silly thing!” Marinette exclaimed playfully, slapping him on the shoulder with the cushion.

“Pillow? Again? Who placed this aggressive woman next to me?!” Felix couldn't hold back a happy grin. “What's with you and those pillows?”

“Oooook.” Nino held out, looking between Felix and Marinette. “I guess I'm starting to get the point.” He said. “So, uh... Never have I ever thought a friend’s baby was ugly.”

Adrien, Alya and Marinette bended their fingers.

“Oh, come on!” Alya exclaimed, looking at Felix skeptically. “I don’t believe that. Don’t tell me you love all the babies or stuff like that!”

“Not really.” Felix smirked. “My friends don’t have babies yet.”

“Well, that would mean you at least have friends.” Marinette smiled at him.

“Don’t make me take that cushion too.” Felix rolled his eyes at her.

“Oh, Feli!” Marinette pushed his shoulder with hers playfully. “You’re much softer then you’re trying to show.”

“I remember telling you not to use your intel as a compromising material.” Felix said, preparing the pillow.

“Don’t you dare!” Marinette giggled, robbing the pillow from him.

Felix gave up the pillow, looking with adoration in her eyes, as the warmth spread through his chest.

“I have never stolen someone's phone.” Felix heard angry Adrien’s voice from behind Marinette.

Felix straightened up and caught an angry look from his cousin. It looked like Adrien has decided to recall old grievances...

Maybe an evening with ‘friends’ wasn’t such a good idea after all?

Felix bended his finger and his eyes stopped on blushing Marinette, who bended hers.

“Maybe in this case the reason wasn’t that noble...” She admitted.

Felix's eyebrows jump up.

“We probably have more in common than meets the eye.” He smiled.

“We probably do...” She agreed, not meeting his eyes. “Never have I ever gotten or given a hickey.”

Felix liked the direction of her thoughts, but he avoided saying it out-loud, seeing she was still blushing.

Two more blushing faces appeared in the room as Alya and Nino bended their fingers.

“I never thought that party games can be so informative.” Felix commented, and continued before Alya could unleash her rage on him. “Never have I ever lied to my best friend.” And added, seeing everyone looking at him in surprise. “I don’t have one, so...”

All the other four bended their fingers, and looked between each other.

“Dishonest people all around me.” Felix sighed theatrically, observing the scene.

“That’s cheating!” Alya protested.

“You tricked us!” Adrien exclaimed.

Nino shook his head disapprovingly.

Felix only grinned at them.

“It's not my fault that you all can't be trusted!” He chuckled smugly and turned to face Marinette.

She was looking at him, smiling, and looked deep in thought.

“You won.” She said softly, nodding at his fingers bent only on one hand.

“I’m afraid my taste in cinema may not coincide with the public.” Felix replied, matching the tone of her voice. “So... will you do the honors?”

The movie that Marinette picked was only halfway through when her head bent down on Felix's shoulder. He turned to see sleeping girl and smiled fondly. Then he gently put his arm around her shoulders to insure Marinette’s stability, which didn’t escape his cousin’s attention.

“Since when do you allow people lean on you?” Adrien whispered in surprise from the other end of the sofa.

“Since it is Marinette.” Felix replied quietly and looked at the girl again.

‘She won’t rest this way’, he thought, and stood up, raising her in his arms.

“Would you like me to ask to prepare another guest room?” Adrien asked with worry in his voice, jumping to his feet. “Or I can give her mine, seeing it's already prepared.” He suggested.

“No.” Felix replied decisively. “Marinette would be disoriented if she woke up in an unfamiliar room. She knows my room well, so she won’t be lost there.” He explained to his slightly perplexed cousin. “Besides, my bed was changed this morning. And I can take a guest room.”

“Don’t you think she would mind sleeping in Felix’s room?” Felix heard Adrien’s agitated whisper behind his back while moving towards the door.

“Even if she would,” Alya replied. “I think at this point there are not many things for which Marinette wouldn’t forgive Felix.”

Felix went out of the room with a satisfied grin for Alya’s assessment on his face.

Maybe she was no longer so against his rapprochement with Marinette.

When Felix returned to the living room, Adrien jumped to him uneasily.

“Are you going to leave her to spend the night in your house?” He asked discomposedly. “What about her parents?”

“I just talked to Sabin.” Felix replied calmly. “She doesn't mind.”

“But what about your mother?!” Adrien didn’t let up.

“From the fact that I found not one, but two prepared guest rooms, I can suppose that my mother wouldn’t mind.” Felix said. “I think she assumed that there might be someone who won’t stand the whole evening.”

Adrien opened his mouth to say something, but apparently couldn't find what.

Felix sat down on the sofa and looked at the screen, where the movie was still running. He sighed. Although his gaze was fixed on the screen, his thoughts were on the girl sleeping in his bed.

[master-list]

[9. Movie night. Part 1] ... [11. Illusions of perception]

[more MLB/PV/Felinette/Maribat fanfic]

* I was usung this article while writing chapters 9-10

Felinette Tag list (ask me to join)

@mochegato

@thepapillonnoir

@snow-leopard-777

@loves-books

@turiankitty

@toodaloo-kangaroo

@readingismyoxygen

@aespades

@starlightshield

@jessigurl-design

@trippingovermyfeet

@apasponsor

@avs17

@fangirlingfanatic

@psychicdelusionwerewolf

@ur-beautiful-when-u-smile

67 notes · View notes

n1ghtlux · 3 years ago

Text

The Siren Fey P1

Pairing: Weeping Monk x reader

Word count: 3.910

Summary: you're the newest fey weapon of the church, but not for long. A first encounter with the weeping monk is quick to follow.

Prompt 36: "If people hadn't believed in Siren before, they sure as hell did now."

A/N: I'm not quite sure why this took me so incredibly long to write and it's not even finished yet. If anyone wants a part 2 lmk, I need the motivation to finish this (it's all planned already anyways).

gif

There was a new Fey in the paladin camp.

The rumors of you had spread rather quickly. Hushed voices daring to speak of the things you had done to your victims, the Paladins. The mere sight of you was said to enchant the finest of men but your voice; oh your voice was that of a Siren herself. If people hadn't believed in them before, they sure as hell did now.

"Let it be known my brothers: those who have succumbed to the beauty of the Siren, were meant to see the devil eye to eye all along."

And so when they had finally gotten their blood drenched hands on you, Father Carden made special use of you.

Rumors that you had bewitched even his finest weapon himself were spreading fast, yet quietly around camp.

Father Carden had done his best to keep you hidden from his Weeping Monk. The man knew that his favorite weapon was dammed and therefore didn't trust him to meet the Enchantress. Carden simply couldn't lose him. Not because he had grown too fond of him, but because he couldn't afford the price that came with it. The capitol would surely question Father and his loyalties, having let the Weeping Monk into such a high ranking position of right hand man. Yet again and again were you presented to his other untrustworthy paladins. A deadly sin to those who couldn't control their desires and fell to their cravings.

And you played your part exceedingly well. You knew how to entice them; knew exactly how to be of use to your fae sisters and brothers, even in captivity. More and more Paladins fell to their knees for you and were punished greatly for it.

This time a rather young Paladin had even helped you escape. With your feet sore from not moving in a long time, you didn't come very far before darkness crept up on you once more. This time in form of a tall hooded figure stalking towards you in graceful and calm movements.

It was like watching him dance as he reached for his dagger and cut his Brother's throat in one sharp motion. The methods of Brother Salt weren't something the Weeping Monk agreed with, so in his mind he had done his Brother a favor by freeing him of his sins right there. Kneeling down beside him, he cleaned his dagger on the Monk's red robe. His own grey hood casting a shadow over his face as he kept his eyes locked onto the dagger in his hand.

"It is a sin to look into the eyes of such demon. Do not disappoint me."

The words of Father ran through his mind, reminding him of the power you possessed. He knew he couldn't kill you, you were important to Carden and even he had heard the rumors of you. Or rather the screams. Carden had spoken so highly of you. He couldn't place the feeling he felt. Jealousy was a sin as he had read plenty of times before.

Stuck in thought, the rustling of leafs brought him back to reality. He could still smell you, sense your presence with every fiber of his being.

Carefully lifting his head from his crouched position, he couldn't see you anymore.

The adrenaline had taken over your mind as you tried your best to quickly get as far away from him as possible.

Father had spoken of him. He had called him his "greatest creation" but had denied you to ever lay your eyes on the man. Something you hadn't planned on doing any way. The Weeping Monk had taken lives of thousands of Fae kind. He was the worst of them all in your eyes. There was no humanity left in him that you believed you could bewitch. He was too far gone, so you did the only thing imaginable. You ran as fast your bruised feet could still carry you despite feeling incredibly guilty for the young Paladin you had left behind.

His mind wasn't clouded by the stories of the church yet. He hadn't wanted to fulfill his desires and step into a bed with you either. He had desired your safety and for that you would honor him greatly.

It must have been hours that you spent moving through the forest before the aching of your limbs began to become overwhelming.

{ masterlist }

#lancelot #lancelot x reader #weeping monk #weeping monk x reader #fey #fey reader #siren reader #cursed au #cursed netflix #daniel sharman

89 notes · View notes

syndxlla · 4 years ago

Text

Part eleven of the More To Love series

Summary: You get a chance to reflect on who you are, where you are with your relationships, and what you really want in life with the help of your mother, the Queen of Corellia. You meet some new seemingly friends, who quickly prove you otherwise.

Word Count: 7.1k, NO USE OF ‘y/n’

Warnings: Non-consensual kiss, swearing, alcohol

Author’s note: i am LIVID. why tumblr only lets you have a certain amount of paragraphs in a post IDK! it’s dumb haha and the only reason i went over is because there is so much dialogue in this. BASICALLY. I am making the decision to go easy on myself. I know earlier today I said part 11 would be split into two, but i am going to just make the second half be part 12. SO. i made a new moodboard for this chapter! i hope you like it :).

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to @stinky-child for helping me edit this chapter and getting it out on time!

PART 12 WILL BE RELEASED THURSDAY, MAY 27TH AT 6pm PST, 9pm EST.

part ten

Koska escorted you back to your quarters, the castle corridors were finally starting to calm down a little bit, however, more and more special guests who would be staying in the palace over the weekend walked in and out of doors, most of them not paying any attention to you because of your drab attire. You hoped the knight made it to his meeting on time and dry. There was no way to know until tomorrow morning, however. Koska was silent as she walked behind you, her footsteps much lighter than the knight’s. Your hair was thick and frizzy from the effects of the elements, and you kept your face down out of a foreign sense of shame.

Keeping your face down can’t hide that sense of shame from everyone, however, and before you can make it to your room, you’re hearing a joyful gasp and footsteps pattering in your direction. You look up from your walk of shame to see someone very important to you, it’s not your Knight, it’s not even Soniee, no. It’s your mother, the Queen of Corellia. She’s accompanied by three Corellian guards and she’s wearing the most beautiful yellow gown you had ever seen. It was clearly a gift from Bo-Katan. You smiled brightly, relieved to see someone you love. It had only been a few weeks but it felt like an eternity. You had completely forgotten she would be coming to your engagement ball. You’ve been so preoccupied with the plans and teaching the Knight how to dance that it completely slipped your mind. Your mother had a wide smile on her face, too, and wore the traditional Corellian crown. You ran to her and embraced her fighting around the waist, something that was not appropriate for royalty in public like this but you couldn’t care less. You had been so emotionally confused over the last few weeks that there was nothing you needed more than a fulfilling hug from your parent. She hums with joy when you come into her arms, and she runs her slender fingers through your beautiful hair. You sigh of relief in her embrace.

“I had forgotten you were coming.” You admit, holding back tears of relief. She chuckles in response.

“You look a mess.” She replies and you’re the one to chuckle this time.

“I’ve had quite the day.” You smile, blushing as you remember who you spent it with. “Come, I have so much to tell you.” You pull away, holding her hands in yours and then leading her to the closest sitting room. You were finally starting to understand the layout of the Mandalorian palace, it only took two weeks. This room was the same blue as the royal color, you guide her to sit by you on the sofa, and Koska awkwardly follows. You look over to the handmaiden before standing and walking in her direction. “Lady Reeves, you are dismissed.” You nod while speaking in a regal tone, but after stating it, your voice hushes and you whisper to her, “Is he going to be alright?” You ask in reference to the Knight.

She nods once, “Even if he was late, he’s bound to duty by the Queen, he’ll be okay.” Your stomach twists.

“What does that even mean?” You ask, there is much he is not telling you.

Koska sighs, she seemed to regret saying that. “I’ll worry about him, you enjoy your time with your mother.” She nods to the Queen who was patiently awaiting your return. You smile a “thank you” and walk back to the Corellian Queen. When Koska closes the door finally, you slouch into the couch, feeling pure relief as you were alone with your kin.

“You look absolutely exhausted.” Your mother says.

“I am, life here is exhausting. There are so many rules, much more than back at home.” You awkwardly shrug.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you too, more than you know.” You were so homesick these days. ��I had to spend four days learning all the rules and customs and I still take private lessons from the literal queen so I don’t embarrass her anymore.” You roll your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t express this arrogance to anyone else in the palace and taking advantage of the chance now.

“Oh, I'm sorry love, I worried that there might be a bit of a culture shock.” She takes your hand with hers, stroking the stop of it with her own cold hands.

“Is father here?” You ask, your eyes hopeful. That glimmer immediately fades when she sighs, her eyes leaving yours. “What? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not coming…”

“What? Why?”

“He’s… sick, I didn’t want to tell you but it’s your right to know. You would have eventually found out anyway.” She somberly explains.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, we think so. But traveling and socializing in his condition was not realistic. We understand that rumors will start, but his health is necessary before an impending war.” She frowns, and you try not to let it upset you too much. “Enough of that, tell me about this place.” Her tone immediately flips.

You smile, “It’s so hot, much hotter than Corellia. I mean the heat is exhausting and the dresses are heavy and the tea parties are always outside and I always feel overheated.” You complain.

“Do you at least like the prince?” She asks. “Is he cute?”

Now you must choose if you’re going to lie, like you have for the last fortnight, or be truthful with the only person you feel that you can be. You sigh, and just look at her, defeated, hoping that would be enough to tell her.

She hums empathetically. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah…” You sigh, happy she understood and you didn’t have to make the decision of communication.

“Well, keep your head up, I didn’t really like your father all that much until we had you.” She chuckles.

“What?” You ask, your eyes showing surprise. “I had no idea…” You weren’t sure how much you liked that thought, your parents had always been an example of a couple you’d like to experience for yourself. “Why had you never told me?”

“There was no reason for you to know before now. The older you get, the more you’ll learn what you need to hear.” She explains. You supposed she was right. “And remember, it’s supposed to be a partnership—marriage that is— it’s not so bad if you work at it.”

“Well, he certainly likes being solo.” You humph. “He’s very kind, and it’s clear he cares for his kingdom but-“ You knew you weren’t being completely truthful with her.

“But what?”

You debated your next words. You wanted to tell her, more than anything you wanted your mother to know what was really going on, but you knew you couldn’t. You knew she wouldn’t understand. This marriage is a diplomatic solution to an oncoming war of her home kingdom. She wouldn’t understand the strife. “Nothing.” You feel untruthful to yourself, but you can’t do anything about it. “I just feel like I will be unhappy in our marriage.”

“Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy.”

You hated that, it wasn’t the first time she had said it to you, either. When an arranged marriage was first brought up, she said it then for the first time. The other time she said it to you was about three weeks ago, just before you were going to leave Corellia and come to this ornate prison. It was your last attempt to try and get out of it, but she uttered those words and you had to live with it.

This time, you pulled your hand away from hers. “But what about love? I thought you loved my father!?”

“I do love him, but that didn’t happen for a long time, like I said, not until you were born.”

“So then what’s the reason for all this? For sending me here for a big ball and a fancy wedding if I am not supposed to love the man I’m sharing these parties with? How am I to enjoy marriage before children then?” You stand up on these words out of frustration. You hated feeling like your only purpose in this world is to bear children, to produce an heir.

“Love between royals is not a natural thing, it can’t just happen between any two people. There must be that connection there and it often isn’t developed for a while.” She chuckles. “What? Did you think you were going to live inside one of those fairytales your wet nurse used to tell you before you went to sleep?” She asks, looking up at you, surprised.

“What do you mean ‘between royals’?”

“We must do what’s best for our people, it’s selfish to marry for love when you are royalty.”

You feel defeated.

“No… No, there's so much more to love. Love is not selfish, in fact, I believe that loving someone with our hesitation and unconditionally is the most selfless act one could ever do.” Your voice raises just a bit. You meant every word you said.

“If you feel this way about love, then surely you must love the Prince. What’s the problem then? We’ve been preparing you for this reality for years, it’s not a new concept that you would not love immediately, I can only imagine you would feel so emotionally because you have those feelings for someone.”

Did you?

You consider what she was saying, your eyes trailing to the side as you thought. You supposed she was right, there would be no reason for you to feel so passionately about it if you hadn’t experienced it for yourself.

But you weren’t having that experience with Korkie, the hell you weren’t.

Did you love the Knight? You don’t know his name, you don’t know his face, you don’t know anything about him and yet you are starting to think that infatuation has grown into adoration. Your legs feel weak, and you have to slowly lower yourself onto the couch again, feeling woozy from the realization. How did you let it get so far? Your confused face turns to look at your mother’s, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly open.

“I sense you realized something you didn’t already know.”

You slowly nod your head. Unsure of how to react, you fiddle with your fingers, trying to gain your bearings again. You expect your mother to speak up but she never does.

Before the conversation continues, however, the door is pulled open and three Knights are walking in, a Butler steps in, “Her Majesty, The Queen.” He says before nodding and stepping away. Bo-Katan glides into the room, regal as ever. You and your mother stand up from where you sat, curtsying for your hostess.

“Your Majesty.” She takes your mother’s hand, both of them smiling and kissing one another on either cheek. “I trust your travels were comfortable?”

“Yes, your coachmen were very hospitable.” Your mother nods.

Korkie then enters the rooms with another young Prince who you hadn't met before. He was blonde, and skinny as a twig. He wore a white and gold ceremonial cloak that covered his right shoulder. You smile at Korkie out of Obligation, and he and the other prince bow to the women in the room.

“Princess!” Korkie cheers, “This is my cousin, Prince Hugo of Bespin.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” He takes your hand and kisses the top of it, his smile charming and blue eyes bright. You were flattered by the gesture, humming.

“The pleasure is mine.” You follow royal protocol. Then, another woman enters the room. She’s tall, an intricate headpiece adorns long, black hair and she has hypnotic, black eyes hidden by deep set, hooded eyes. She’s beautiful, with toned skin and red dots drawn under her lips making her stand out from everyone in the room.

“Ah, Her Majesty Queen Clarya of Naboo.” Bo-Katan introduces. The Elven Queen Ahsoka then enters the room, and everyone, even the Queens bow out of respect before the door is closed. The parlor is suddenly very full, and your intimate moment with your mother is lost entirely. You are suddenly very aware of your disheveled look, and try to run your fingers through your hair a few times.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Clarya says, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Taking your hand and giving you a friendly squeeze.

“Oh… I’m afraid I haven’t heard much about you.” You apologize.

“No troubles, You are all the gossip among the other Kingdoms.” The eastern queen explains.

“Yes, It appears you are.” Korkie says, moving to stand by your side. “How wonderful that my beautiful wife-to-be is regarded so highly across the world.” He tries to take your hand but you pull it away, not necessarily meaning to, but it was a reflex that you failed to suppress after realizing you were in love with an entirely different man. He clears his throat, and the aura in the room is awkward, you aren’t sure what to do, so you just say the first thing to come out of your mouth.

“Have any of you gone to the beach? It’s lovely!” You awkwardly smile before walking over to the drink cart underneath a portrait of a Manda’lor of a past generation. You try to ignore all the people, feeling a little embarrassed that they were all seeing you dressed like this. You didn’t even think of what suspicion could be born out of that phrase.

“Oh yes, our sandy beaches are widely loved by all.” Bo-Katan takes a seat on the sofa in the place you had sat at just moments before, crossing her ankles under her gown. You shakily pour amber liquid into a crystal glass, your hand shaking as you bring it to your lips, taking a sip of the alcohol.

“Nothing like the Corellian beaches, I assume?” Your mother asks. “Our beaches are rocky and often frozen over.”

“Ah yes, but the Corellian ship fjords are lovely, what a wonderful exposure to culture you raised your daughter with!” Ahsoka sings.

“She turned out alright.” Your mother teases and everyone chuckles warmly. You turn around after drinking, and sheepishly smile. Gods you hope she meant that.

“Well, we are all very excited for the ball tomorrow.” Clarya says, “My assistant worked on a mask for hours the night before we left. It will be an extravagant sight to see everyone dressed so festively.”

“Of course, but we all know none of us can compare to the fashion and extravagance of the Naboolians.” Korkie hums. Everyone chuckles again. You nervously looked out to all of them, you had just made possibly the biggest mistake of your life and none of them paid any attention to you despite it. You had just shown Korkie your first and only sign of true disinterest the night before your engagement ball and you desperately wished you could go back in time and take his hand instead of denying the act of affection, even if you didn’t feel good about it.

“I think you will all be pleased to hear that it was the Princess who came up with the Masquerade idea.” Bo gestures to you. You smile with your teeth, trying to act normal and not like you were secretly dying inside. There is general amusement when that is said, and you can’t help but fidget with the crystal alcohol glass, wanting to leave the room and return to the comfortable embrace of the Knight on the beach.

“Beautiful and smart!” Korkie’s cousin laughs, putting emphasis on the ‘and’. “It’s not every day you find a woman like that!” Everyone laughs again, and this time you force out a faux chuckle to seem more involved in the eyes of the others. “You better hang onto her, Kork!” Korkie smiled at his cousin's words, looking over to you. You feel weak, not liking all the attention. If this much attention was making you feel this way, what would the ball with hundreds of guests tomorrow night be like?

“Yes but, I can’t seem to remember going to the beach with you?” Korkie asks, his diplomatic voice cutting through the laughter. You nervously laugh. He knew something was up. How could you be so careless?

“What? Did I say something about the beach?” You try to play it off cluelessly.

“Oh come on, we all know you aren’t that ditzy.” His cousin groans

“Your fiance asked you a question, dear.” Your mother prods.

“Yes, did you go to the beach sometime during your time here?” Bo-Katan is the one to ask this time, and your legs are starting to feel unsteady.

“It’s not a bad thing, we just want to know.” Korkie takes a step in your direction, making you feel closed in. “We all love the beach here and we are happy you have gotten the chance to enjoy it.” You sensed there was an undertone with his true meaning.

You weren’t sure if you believed him when he said this, “Is it hot in here?” You chuckle, “I think I’ll have another drink, would you like one, Korkie? You ask before turning around and pouring another glass of brandy. He can see how shaky your hand is as you try to fill the cup. He stands behind you, wrapping his arm around you and cupping your hand with his in an attempt to make the pouring more steady. The action startles you, and you flinch as a reaction, dropping the crystal glass in your hand. It was already partially full, and it falls down to the floor in slow motion, golden drink splashing out of it as glass shatters on impact, making a loud, crashing sound that sends shards out across the floor and leaves a puddle of alcohol to soak into the bottom hem of Koska’s sister’s dress. The women of the room gasp from shock, and Hugo walks quickly over to see the mess. You look down at the glass in shock of what you just did, your heart sinking and stomach churning. Lady Tano is the next one to walk over to you, taking you by the shoulders and guiding you to one of the arm chairs, helping you sit down. The room was deathly silent now, you could hear your pulse ringing through your ears. Ahsoka crouches before you, ruling your hand with hers and trying to comfort you from the unexpected shock. Korkies hands are balled into fists. Was he angry with you?

“No worries.” Hugo laughs, trying to be an entertainer, “Butler!” The Butler opens the door.

“Is everything alright?” He asks after bowing.

“Yes, we just made a little mess, would you be so kind as to clean it up?” Hugo walks Korkie, who seems to be just as shocked and embarrassed as you, over to another armchair. The butler snaps and then whistles and three young maids come in, each one getting on their hands and knees to pick up the pieces of glass.

“Princess?” Your mother says, “Do you have something you would like to say to the Manda’lor?” She awkwardly asks, clearly trying to make good from the situation, side-eying Bo.

Your pale face turns to look at Bo, who had that same disappointed frown that you always see on her.

“My deepest apologies, your Majesty.” You clear your throat before painfully looking over to where Korkie sat, his hand resting in his palm and expression down turned.

“Well!” Hugo takes the center of the room. “No use in sitting here in silence, mistakes happen! Right Auntie?” He says to Bo.

“Of course.” She smiles, physically accepting your apology with a reassuring nod.

“Lovely, would anyone like some music?” He asks.

“That would be lovely, Hugo.” Lady Tano says in her ethereal voice. He smiles and walks over to the baby grand piano in the corner of the room, the same baby grand that you played at for your Knight a few weeks ago.

“The Princess plays!” Your mother says, trying to alleviate any tension.

“She does?” Hugo makes direct eye contact with you. “Would you like to play a duet with me?”

“Hugo, she just-“ Ahsoka begins but is interrupted by your mother.

“Oh won’t you play for us Dear?” She asks, smiling.

“Please! I have wanted to hear you play since I was told you could.” Bo-Katan asks. It would be rude to decline a request from the Queen and the Host of the night.

You nod and stand up, that could be just the thing you need to feel better. You walk over to the piano, stopping just before Hugo.

“Bass or Soprano?” He asks, muttering so quietly that only you can hear it.

“Soprano.” You say. He pulls the bench out and sits first since he would be playing the lower part. You then sit next to him, your hands still slightly shaking.

“Do you know the ‘Dathomirian Waltz’?” He asks. You nod. “Lovely, key of D minor then, I’ll follow you.” He pulls his hands up to the keys, and you follow, taking two deep breaths, the first to calm your shaking hands, the second to conduct both of you in at the same time. Together you play a set of intricate chords, Hugo emphasizing on the bass notes, playing a complex scale that brought his left hand over his right several times. You carry the melody, playing just slightly louder than him and allowing yourself to fall into the trance of performing. Your hands finally quit shaking after a few phrases of the music, allowing it to soothe your nerves. Music has always done that for you. All of the nobles in the room smile, the Naboolian Queen sighing at the beauty of the complicated piece. You can’t keep the smile from pulling on your lips. Korkie’s cousin was very talented, much better than you. His hand brushed against yours several times and you couldn’t help yourself from thinking about the Knight when Hugo touches you.

This was something you would never get with him. You would never get to share a memorable moment with others, never get to rub hands against each other in front of three Queens, never get to look one another in the eye without shame or secrecy. The thoughts start to overcome your consciousness, causing you to play a sour note. No one seemed to notice, but you were more aware of it than you should have been.

A beautiful piece, carefully composed and rehearsed, performed with the intent to dazzle, the intent to impress. However there will always be the sour note, an incorrect chord that the audience might not hear but those giving the show will dwell on undoubtedly.

Like the Kingdom of Mandalore.

——————————————

“Rise and Shine your Highness!” A sing-songy voice calls out to you before pulling the long, draping curtains apart and letting the warm Mandalorian sun pour into the room. You groan and flip over onto your side, your body is still exhausted from yesterday evening and you would like to sleep in a little longer.

“Oh, don’t give us that.” A more brash voice groans and you recognize it as Koska’s. You can hear a number of other bodies file into the suite, maybe three or four. The handmaid's pull in the elven dress and a light breakfast. You can still smell the salt water on your forearm as you swing your hand over your eyes. You were not a morning person. Koska walks up to your bed before sitting on the edge of it, placing her tan hand on your shoulder. “We’ve let you sleep in long enough, we have to get you dressed and ready for tea with the Queens.”

“Queens?” You mumble, slurring the ‘s’ out.

“Yup, both Bo-Katan and your mother as well as the Queen of Naboo and Duchess of the Felucian mountain Kingdom are all eager to spend brunch with you in the Garden.” More guests arrived this morning while you were still sleeping, but it wasn’t until Koska explained to you about the women waiting for you that you remembered what day it was. You opened your eyes wide, flopping your arm onto the mattress beside you and looking up at her drowsily.

“The masquerade is today.” You say out of realization. She smirks and slowly nods her head. Soniee budges into your conversation, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

“We have two dresses for you to wear today! This one,” She pulls forward a gown that isn’t quite as full and round as the dress for the ball, but is still a lovely dress with a pretty skirt and pearls embroidered into the bodice. “And of course the elf dress.” She nods to the pink and gold gown that sat on a sewing-bust, shimmering in the light. “We won’t get you into the ball gown until later tonight.” She hums.

“Now, we have to get you cleaned up, your hair is a mess.” Koska stands up and pulls the heavy down comforter from off of you. The loss of warmth elicits another sleepy groan from your lips and you stare up at the ladies in waiting frustratedly. “Up!” Koska’s serious voice commands and you’re scared enough of her that you jump up out of bed, pulling the nightgown sleeve up that has been slowly slipping down your shoulder and showing more and more skin. “That’s better.” Koska hums, “Let’s get you a bath, yeah?” She walks towards the bath room, opening the golden gilded doors and into the naturally-light room. You will always admire the beauty and effort put into the Mandalorian palace despite the internal battle with living here. You follow her into the room, still sleepy and walking slowly but eventually making it to the tub in the center of the room. The bath has already been drawn, which they must have done in your sleep (they’ve never done that before). You strip out of the cream-colored nightie and dip into the warm water. It smelled of lavender and honey and you allowed your muscles to relax into the bubbles. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to clear your racing and stressful mind. Your muscles were sore from yesterday and the warm water and flowery oils soaked them blissfully. You sigh at the sensation but before you can enjoy it anymore, Koska is dumping the warm water over your head, wetting it completely. It’s unexpected and you gasp from shock, your eyes glued shut to keep the water out of them. Damp hands come up from out of the water to wipe your eyes but then another dump of water is pouring over your head and you’re back at square one. Koska was a much harsher bather than Sonnie was.

All is forgiven however when she starts massaging your scalp, cleaning your hair. You relax back into the tub and enjoy the seawater and wind getting rinsed out. The other ladies come in, one on either side of the tub who files your nails, and Sonnie brings in a towel and silk robe. The other handmaiden works at your calloused feet with a pumice stone and you try not to let it tickle too much. It was true pampering and you loved every second of it. Usually there’s only one maiden to bathe you but five was divine. You assumed this was the treatment the Queen always received.

After you are properly cleaned, your Corellian tea is brought in and you’re left alone for as long as you like. You slowly sip on the purple shaded drink, waking up from it’s comforting properties. You sigh deeply, allowing the fragrant air to fill your lungs while you look out of the tall, narrow window in the center of the outside wall. You could not see the ocean from here, but instead the distant roofs of Keldabe. It was a beautiful summer day, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and you could hear the birds who have nested in the nooks and crannies of the towers chirping. You knew you had a long day ahead of you, and you wanted to try and enjoy it as much as you could. You never really enjoyed the social aspect of royalty, and that’s all today will be, but you’re ready to brave it head on.

An hour passes before you are finally dressed in the first gown of the day. Your hair is braided back so that it will have a desirable wave for the ball tonight. You are snuggly tied into the pearled bodice of the dress, and you run your hands up and down the beading, allowing it to tickle your soft palms.

Koska pulls open the door, and you’re expecting to see the Knight standing there stoically as always, but he isn’t. The hallway is completely empty, in fact, and you can’t ignore the dreadful feeling that overcomes your body. Where was he?

You clear your throat, and look back at Koska, who was adjusting the skirt of your gown as you walked.

“Where is he?” You ask, your voice hushed almost to a whisper but not quite. There were a million possibilities behind his absence and not a single one of them was ideal. Koska lifts up from her crouched position, smoothing the front pleats of her dress.

“What?” She asks and you sigh out of frustration, there was absolutely no way she didn’t know what you were talking about but you had to be vague because of all the ladies in waiting listening in.

“Who will be accompanying me to the garden?” You say with a forceful tone, trying to prod at a deeper meaning to the question.

Luckily, Lady Reeves picks up on it, and she looks behind you. You felt like she was avoiding eye-contact and it only made you more stressed and confused. “I’ll be escorting you, Highness.” She nodded, moving a step forward and then taking the lead down the corridor. You follow hesitantly, and wait until you are far enough down the hall from the other ladies back in your suite to speak again.

“Don’t horseshit me.” You mutter behind her. She keeps her chin up high as usual. “He’s in trouble, isn’t he.”

Koska doesn’t answer.

“Koska, you promised me he would be okay.” You try not to let the emotion show through your tone but that was a challenge. You felt guilty for some reason. If he was in trouble, it would be entirely your fault. The words shake in your throat and maybe it’s the tight corset and the fact that you are descending the stairs but you’re out of breath and it’s hot, so hot.

“He’s fine, I swear to the stars.” She whispers, saying it straight forward instead of turning back at you in an attempt to stay calm and unsuspecting to watchful eyes.

“Well then why didn’t you tell me that?” You ask, twiddling your thumbs.

“I couldn’t… there’s more to it but-“

“But what? What could be so secretive that you have to keep it from your future queen?” You say through gritted teeth and immediately after, Koska is spinning around on the staircase and looking up at you with a furrowed brow. You felt like you were being scolded by an impatient tutor despite the fact that you out-ranked her.

“You don’t even want to be the Queen.” She says in a whisper-shout, starting to sound as angry and emotional as you were just moments before.

“You’re right, I don’t-“ You bite back.

“So why are you here, then?”

You aren’t sure how to answer, the obvious answer is for Corellia. You were promised something in return for your ability to produce an heir and look like a porcelain figurine on a high shelf. But you also knew it would make your family happy, and your Kingdom. You would be making them proud by marrying so rich. You made a promise.

But now you think you’re starting to stay for an entirely different and unethical reason. Something that is inherently a trap and you know it, and yet here you are, fussing over it at every change you have.

Koska rolls her eyes and scoffs before continuing down the stairs.

“Who spit in your porridge this morning?” You reply.

“You did.” She groans in response.

“I’m sorry, but what did I ever do to you?” You ask when you complete the steps down and start down another corridor, one section of the massive palace closer to your destination.

Koska is the one not to answer this time.

It infuriates you that everyone is keeping secrets from you, your entire experience in Mandalore feels built on deception and being left-out. And now, the two people who finally seemed to be on your side aren’t with you in one way or another on such a big day. Koska is angry with you for no reason and you have no idea where your knight is.

The rest of the walk to the Gardens is silent, and before you know it, you are plopped down on an uncomfortable wicker chair in the hot sun, sipping on lukewarm lemon tea and wondering how much longer you have to suffer. Your mother and Bo were giggling about something, the rest of the court buzzing with conversation and ignoring you as always. Was it possible that you were the problem? You ask yourself this after another sip of the tea, a lemon slice bumping up against your upper lip a few times. As you think, you hold the dainty cup against your mouth, losing yourself in thought without realization. Your pretty eyes stare down at the green grass of the Garden. The grass never gets green back home.

You start subconsciously bouncing your leg as you thought to yourself. Everyone seemed to ignore expect for Korkie and your Knight— who both want to fuck you. Maybe that was the only desirable thing about you. This wasn’t the first time you felt insecure about the relationship you have developed with the Knight. He’s so quiet, so different from you. Were you falling for a trick?

Was he?

Tea must have gone by fast because just before the pearls of your dress start to burn against your arms from the heat exposure, you’re excusing yourself and wandering back inside.

“Strange girl.” One of the noble ladies says to Bo when you walk away. You don’t hear it, you can’t hear anything except for your deafening thoughts.

“Are you sure she’s the one for your nephew?” Another asks. If you had known your mother was silent for all of this in fear of losing her reputation or even the deal between Corellia and Mandalore, you would have been furious.

“Well his father was an outcast, too.” One chuckles. “I guess you Kyrze’s attract the wallflowers.” A few hummed in amused response.

“Well his father wasn’t just an outcast, he was a downright scandal-“

“My sister loved him, and that is all that matters.” Bo interrupts. The laughter quickly dies out.

“Don’t tell me you believe in love, too.” One laughs.

“You aren’t married, what could you know of love?” The same one bo interrupted says.

“I do believe in love, which is why I am not married.” The Queen reiterates. “And I don’t think she’s the right fit for my Nephew, she’s too… outspoken. He needs someone who won’t outshine him.” They chuckle again, all do but your mother, who is still meekly silent.

“Well with the engagement Ball tonight, it is far too late to back out now.” One teases, and the laughter only grows.

Bo-Katan stares in the direction you left.

You huff down the hall, your arms folded and neck sweaty from the heat. You are looking back and forth, studying the layout of the hall in search of something. You’re looking for the smallest idea of where the knight could be but you aren’t very successful.

While all the fully armored guards of the Mandalorian palace are dressed identically, you are almost certain you would be able to spot your boy in a crowd of a thousand of them. You aren’t sure why, but there is something different about him, something that sticks out from the rest. Somehow you two were connected, and it made it so he was always plaguing your mind, even when you are with your literal fiance. Even when you are far away from him and have no clue where he is for the first time in two weeks.

Separation Anxiety.

You aren’t watching where you’re going, which makes you run into a tall, lanky boy. You yelp out in apologetic surprise, looking up at the person blocking your stressed search. A blonde boy flips around to look at you and you’re half expecting to see Korkie but it isn’t.

His Cousin, Hugo, looks down at you with his same charming smirk as always.

“Princess!” He bows.

“My apologies, Hugo!” You exclaim.

“Oh please, you are perfectly fine. You looked distressed? I hope It was not something I did?”

“Of course not!” You reassure, awkwardly smiling. “Uh- may i ask what you were doing in the center of the corridor?”

He chuckles, “Admiring this art.” He nods to an expansive, framed oil painting on the wall. It was of a tall man with a long face and alarming smirk. What stuck out to you, however, was that he held in both hands the same black sword from the royal portraits upstairs by the war room.

“The art is beautiful here.” You smile.

“Yes, my Aunt Satine worked hard to make it culturally rich.”

“Did you know her?”

“Yes, I am a bit older than Korkie, and I knew her for several years before she passed.”

“Are you… second in line?”

“I am.” He says with a classic amused smirk.

“So maybe you can answer a question for me, then.” You ask as you look up at the art. “What in the world is that?” You ask in reference to the blade.

“That, my foreign Princess, is the Dark Sword of Mandalore.”

“The what?” You cluelessly ask.

“A sacred weapon that the rightful ruler possesses, it’s rather powerful.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” You look up at it in awe.

“Hah, yes. It is made of pure obsidian. The white is enchanted quartz veins. It is practically invincible, an elven Mand’alor forged it when he was just a boy.”

“What? There were Mandalorians who were part elf?” You ask, your eyes peeling off of the art and onto your companion.

He looks at you almost confused, “There is much you do not know about my Kingdom?”

“No… I’m afraid not.” You shamefully admit.

“Most don’t,” He shrugs and returns to the conversation unbothered, “It’s history is rather complicated.”

The two of you were quiet for a long time. Your eyes were glued to the stern face of the man in the portrait. You wondered who he was. Hugo is the first to speak up.

“You played beautifully last night.” You doubted he didn’t notice the incorrect notes and mistakes you made several times, maybe he was just being polite by ignoring them. You turn to look at him and smile kindly.

“As did you.” You return the compliment. He looks at you, and you must have been distracted by something other than him because you weren’t aware that his eyes were darting between your eyes and your lips.

Hugo forces a kiss on you.

Just like how Korkie did a few weeks ago in the library. It’s fast because you angrily pull away just as fast as he placed it on you.

“What?” You say like an idiot, looking up at him in shock.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t feel it?” He gets defensive immediately. The worst part is that it wasn’t even that bad of a kiss, much softer than Korkies, but nowhere as tender as the kisses the Knight would lay on you in the water or behind a closed door. Your entire body seemed to seize up, and you couldn’t get any words out. Not any words that you wanted to say. You just looked up at him, vulnerable and confused. He leans down to do it again but you’re able to turn your head to the side, keeping his lips off of you.

“I am… in love with another man.” You say, clearing your throat.

“You and I both know that isn’t my cousin.”

No use denying it at this point, “yes, but I am still engaged to him. I cannot just be disloyal to the future Mand’alor.” You mutter, embarrassed but trying to keep your cool. You knew you were lying, because you weren’t staying loyal to Korkie. No, you were outright cheating on him and you were falling in love with the boy you were cheating with. You were falling in love. You were very exposed, after all. Anyone could turn the corner or look through the windows and see you. It was different this time, however. Usually hiding your kisses are exciting, but that was only with the Knight. “Please,” You voice betrays you, and the emotional shake is heard through your clenched jaw, “Excuse me.” You push passed him frustratedly, making sure to shove him over a little with your shoulder. You angrily walk back to your room, finally getting there without help for the first time.

When you turned down the Corridor to your suite, you were hoping to see the beskar-clad boy who held you last night, but he still wasn’t there. You hold back emotional tears, but not seeing the one who brings the most comfort to you makes you break. Two crystal tears roll down your cheeks.

You have been taken advantage of too many times in this forsaken castle.

You pull open the door, the golden afternoon light reflecting warmly off of the gold-leafed furniture and decorations is a stark contrast from the bleak hallway. Your bed has been made, and things have been tidied up since you were in here last. You flop onto the mattress, your arms stretched out from your sides, looking up at the sheer canopy above where you lay.

Two hours pass. You think you fell asleep but you cannot remember. If you did, no dreams were had.

Soniee opens your door with trepidation after two soft knocks, “Princess, It is time to prepare for the ball.” Her voice is so timid. You twist your head to look at her, the other ladies from this morning were behind her. Koska was not with them.

You sit up from the bed, rubbing a crook in your neck from how you were laying...

—

authors note (again): i know this isn’t the best chapter ending but ya know... IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE

Anyways..... see you tomorrow? i guess? haha

Taglist: @remmysbounty @snow30285 @what-iwish-you-knew @softly-sad @carbonated-beverage @frogllady @baileys-corner @song-of-sea-and-sky @leaiorganas @weirdowithnobeardo @ginger-swag-rapunzel @bewitchedbodyandsol l @mograh @justavolcano @theokatz @lowkeytesss @hallway5 @dat-girl-in-corner @news4bees @istealyof00d @songofcosplay @waffles4lif3 @mcueveryday @310ra @thatonedindjarinfan @songofseraphine @callmekane @theelilbritt @bbwithaknife @firstofficerwiggles @jedi-jesi @ironbabey @minttchipp @bel-ppa @honey-hi @cp11 @venomous-ko @bbwithaknife @lunatic-sunsets @1800-fight-me @foundtheavacados @elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey @florenceivy @theanothersherlockian @spideysimpossiblegirl @mandomistress @floraandfrost @paradoxpictures @stinky-child

“if you are included in the taglist, you are expected to interact with the post you are tagged in (ex. reblogs, comments and notes), if I notice that you are not interacting with the applicable post, you will be removed from the taglist”

—

part twelve

183 notes · View notes

izanas-servant · 3 years ago

Text

MIKEY X DEPRESSED READER

___________________________________________

A/N: Sooooo I kinda wanted to write this idk why. I guess writing it down is my way of coping with my problems so yeaaa.

Summary: Mikey helps you out of a depressing period caused by your toxic boyfriend

Tw: toxic relationship, sexual abuse, cheating, depression, implied cutting, insecurities, eating disorder, mentioned abuse, mentioned suicide, blood

Word count: 1k

___________________________________________

At first everything was pretty normal. I had a loving boyfriend who was always there to help me and won't ever judge me. Okay sometimes he was kind of an idiot but we all are sometimes, aren't we?

But all of that slowly changed. It changed in a way I didn't even notice until it was too late.

As already said in the beginning everything is pretty normal. I have a happy relationship with my crush.

We would spend a lot of time together. Always meeting after school or on the weekends. We took long walks through the forest nearby our school or went shopping.

Just normal things you do in a relationship.

But someday he would just start to ignore me. And the next day everything went back to normal.

Later he would start to make inappropriate comments and tell me how stupid I am. But I thought it was just for fun.

Oh how naive I was.

Maybe he was right? I was so stupid and didn't even questioned our relationship when he started to touch me…

He touched me in these sexual ways when we were in public and even when I told him to stop he wouldn't and just say 'oh I know secretly you like it'

And as the stupid little kid I was I didn't say anything anymore. I just knew I was nothing without him. And I didn't want another relationship of mine to get destroyed.

I thought I could trust him so I gave him my virginity on my birthday.

And how did the story end? Of course I got cheated on shortly after. And my now ex is dating my best friend.

But even that was okay with me if it made him happy. I can totally understand why he did all of that. I'm just a little naive and pathetic kid.

And then suddenly my best friend started ignoring me. And it was obvious why. She felt bad because she is friends with me even though she was dating my ex.

Additionally to that there started rumors. '(Y/N) is just an attention seeker and tells everyone her ex beated her up and raped her'

In this moment I felt like my heart was thrown into pieces. A Million little pieces. I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt like it was my own fault.

So there were only two options left. Kill myself or change and try to don't bother anyone anymore.

I was way too scared of the first option so I tried the second.

Of course everything went worse. I just wanted someone to love me so I stopped eating. But I hated my body just so much everything about it.

I wanted to destroy it.

I knew that that would mean that nobody would ever love me. But I didn't care. My parents wouldn't even bother because we have a bad relationship with each other. And everytime I remember I got beaten up by them I had to start crying.

So cut lines at first one then two and more and more until every part of my body I hated was covered in cuts and blood.

At school I tried to avoid everyone because everybody was against me anyway.

At least that's what I thought.

___________________________________________

'(Y/N)-chan right. My name is Manjirou Sano. But you can just call me Mikey if you want to. Let's spend some time together.' a boy said to me.

At first I thought he just talked to the wrong person but I realized he called me by my name. I couldn't believe it. There is no way he could mean me.

'Are you sure you mean me? Don't you know about these rumors?'

'Of course I do but as you said these are just rumors so why would I believe them? I think you are an interesting person. So let's be friends.'

I was shocked. Something like that never happened to me before and I was so shocked I could just say 'yes'.

After that day both of us became really good friends and I was able to left my ex and my problems behind me. And I was pretty sure he wouldn't even care about me anymore.

But damn I was so so wrong. When I got closer to Mikey I suddenly got a text from my ex.

'Stop searching for attention. This poor guy must be tired of you already. He's just with you because he had pity on you. So stop that shit before I will ruin your stupid life'

And that was just enough for me. I directly headed home with tears burning in my eyes. I just wanted to die.

But again Mikey was there to save me. He noticed I left and followed me because he was worried.

When I was about to slit my wrist he came into my room. And hugged me.

He just hugged me, nothing else. He started to cry with me and we stayed like that for at least 10 minutes. Until I was able to speak again.

'Im sorry Mikey, so sorry. Please don't leave me. You mean search for me. Please don't leave.. Please… '

'Pshhh no no I'm not going to leave, take your time and tell me what happened. We will find a way out of it together I'm sure. '

So I told him everything from the day my relationship with that asshole started until

today.

After that Mikey stayed the night over and the next day he was beating the shit out of my ex. (But he told me afterwards because he knew I would try to stop him).

And that was like the start of a new life. A happy life with Mikey by my side.

End~

___________________________________________

A/N: I wish I had a Mikey be my side rn TwT

#tokyo revengers #anime #manjirou sano #tok rev #depressing shit #Tw #Sad #Mikey #cheating tw

9 notes · View notes

xiu21chen99 · 4 years ago

Text

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

747 notes · View notes

sweetestlamb · 4 years ago

Text

Wake Me Up Inside(Chapter 2)

Summary: Hope is a flickering light, coming and going as it sees fit.

Author's note: Y'all like this? Color me surprised I thought everyone had cast Sujin aside based on tumblr post honestly, expected maybe 3 people to read this. I'm happy so many are enjoying, thanks for coming along for the ride. If any talented individuals want to make me a header that would be great, anyway enjoy the teen angst. More awful parenting, beware. it hurts me to write this but random immediate romance doesn’t make sense to me so here we goooo.

The world seems larger, everyone towers over her as they squeeze by jostling her tiny body, she twists and turns desperately searching for a familiar face and faltering when there is none. Just blurred faces with stretched out smiles that are horrifying grotesque, almost as if they were painted on by a deranged circus clown. She begins to run frantically racing away from the figures, who are now reaching out for her grabbing her arm and tugging at her pigtails. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, bringing a trembling hand to her lips she finds them sewn shut, silencing her petrified screams.

Then a hand clutches at her elbow and she's spun around, suddenly staring into the face of evil.

"Where have you been you brat? Everyone was waiting for you."

She tries to tug free of his punishing grip but his fingers tighten on her tender flesh, marking the delicate skin. Ignoring her evident trepidation he forcefully pushes her towards a table, with a large looming birthday cake.

"Hurry up and blow out these candles, you're almost old enough to be useful to me."

Screaming no in her mind, she breaks free of his hold running as fast as her compact legs will take her but she miscalculates and trips over a stray toy, tumbling over the edge of a pool she hadn't noticed there earlier. The cold splash of the chlorine scented water on her skin shocks her in a panicked daze and when she pries her eyes open the menacing face of her father greets her looking nonplussed by her hectic drowning.

"Good riddance." He smirks sipping from his cup as he stalks away, no longer bothered with her.

Water constructs her airway and she continues to sink to the bottom. Forgotten and discarded.

With a flash she bursts from her nightmare silent scream on her tongue, it's his presence that silences her cry. Wide feline eyes regard her from his crouched position, it takes a moment to realize that the rapid puffs of air filling the room are coming from her lips. She grips at the mattress beneath her, hopelessly pleading with her heart and lungs as her body quivers from the intensity of her dream.

"Are you okay? You looked like you were having a bad dream, I called your name a few times."

She's decidedly not any semblance of okay and has no concept of what that would entail for her but she finds herself nodding, lying as easily as she always does.

"I'm fine." Clipped and brisk despite the cold sweat on her skin, she's probably soaked through his shirt the collar almost plastered to red collar bones.

He doesn't reply further than pursing his lips and walking over to a dresser she'd hadn't noticed earlier.

"That lie would probably be more believable if you didn't look as if you were going to pass out at any second." She can hear his eyes rolling at her and it raises her heckles, she doesn't need anyone looking after her, she is fine on her own.

"I should go." She says curtly, forcing herself out of the dangerously warm bed to walk across the room and test her previously soaked pajamas. Damp, but they'll do.

"I thought you had nowhere to go." He challenges finally standing to his full height, subconsciously she flinches at the sudden movement and immediately he takes a step back pressing himself almost flush with the wall. Lowering his head until they are almost eye level. Shame washes over her do strongly she has to turn away, so pathetic.

Speaking to his bedpost she answers, "That was last night. I can go home now."

Her father will be at work until late into the evening, she just needs to lock herself in her room and she should be safe until school tomorrow.

He hums at her sounding closer than he did earlier, "You don't have to go. I'll find an excuse to give my mom, you can stay here."

No she can't. She knows what's going through his mind, probably the same thing that went through Suho's when he saw the blood on her lip for the first time, you poor little thing. Pity was always the first reaction but it never lasted, eventually pity shifted to annoyance nobody wanted to be friends with someone getting beaten. It was depressing, and uncomfortable to discuss and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. It was her penance for being born a girl and not being the best at least to make up for that disappointment.

"I'm not a stray puppy, you can't just pick me up off the street and expect me to stay. I told you, I'm fine." This time she says it harder, sharper with a bite that screams don't push me.

Unsurprisingly enough Han Seojun doesn't seem intimidated by her.

This time she gets to witness the eye roll as he approaches her but still keeps his head lowered as if deferring to her. "I already told you that I don't pity you, you need help stop pretending you don't."

But she's not pretending, that would imply that she wants others to help secretly. That just isn't accurate, she wants nothing- expects nothing. Her father pound any inkling of hope she had out a long time ago.

Stepping into his space, her eyes narrow as she bites out, "I don't need anything certainly not help from you. You're not a nice person, what am I your one good deed? Just mind your business."

She pointedly glances away at the flash of hurt that scatters across his expressive face.

She expects him to lash out, stretch to his full form and berate her, reprimand her ungrateful behavior and an even darker side of her almost expects him to slap her. I see why your father does that, you deserve it.

"Suit yourself."

That's all he says solemnly with a shrug before tossing more dry clothes at the bed and silently exiting the room.

She feels worse than she did before. Guilt gnawing at her, she ignores the offered clothes she doesn't deserve his hospitality or warmth. She disrobes and puts back on the damp chilled pajamas, that matches her better.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That's what he gets for trying to help someone, his act of kindness thrown back in his face. Angrily he pours the boiling water into the waiting cup, starting his mother's mandatory morning tea. He's so lost in the routine that he doesn't notice her presence until she clears her throat. His pride stops him from turning around, her words were as painful as a dagger.

"Your clothes are on the bed. I called a cab."

He nods without looking back, "Get home saf--" He cuts himself off, maybe he's overstepping again. So he just hums and stirs the now perfect cup of tea with a splash of milk. His sister's will get three sugars, she has such a sweet tooth.

The soft snap of the front door closing is loud in the silence of the morning, the sun has barely risen. His mother will be out in an hour, he was worried for nothing. Nobody will even know she was here. He can pretend this was all a fever dream and listen to her advice, he's never minded anyone else's business why did he decide to start now?

Lesson learned.

He spends the remainder of his weekend not thinking about the bruises on her face and instead plays video games, bullying Suho into playing Call of Duty with him online until the stupid genius starts to win too often and it's no longer stress reducing.

"Sore loser." He scoffs at the staticky insult through his headphones, draining the can of soda he took from the fridge. He should start dinner soon, his mom and sister will be back from shopping any minute.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did." He can't help but roll his eyes at the lame response but he pushes on ignoring his brain shouting at him that this is the opposite of minding his business. He hardly listens to his brain, his gut is much stronger.

"Does Sujin have any siblings? Or does she like to box or anything like that? " He tries to make sense of the night, maybe it wasn't what he thought initially. From his memory Sujin comes from a very affluent respectable family, there's no way right?

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"Just answer me." He quips impatiently, ready to let go of this unwarranted worry that's been weighing on his heart.

After a long pause where he checks if his Wi-Fi disconnected he finally hears a response, "No. She lives with her mother and father, she's an only child. And I’ve never known her to do anything physical like that."

His chest tightens, not what he wanted to hear. Her flinch this morning flashes brightly in his memory. He wasn't mistaken. He's sure of it, she'd been scared.

"Why?"

He can barely hear through the ringing in his ear, "Nothing. I have to go."

He signs off before the other boy can reply, walking autopilot to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Chopping vegetables does nothing to stop the nausea bubbling in his stomach.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Taking the bus the next day is out of the question, he has spent the entire weekend wishing he had the nerve to get the girl's number but anyone he asked would misunderstand why and he didn't need anymore rumors circulating, he would just have to get it from her himself. If she wanted him to mind his business she shouldn't have collapsed where he could see.

The engine rumbles between his legs as he brings his motorcycle to a stop, swinging off effortlessly before tugging the helmet off and shaking his hair free. He doesn't notice the various lecherous female and male eyes watching his very moment, too focused on walking into the school and finding her.

Turning a corner he sees her instantly, sandwiched between her two best friends, they look like a high school brochure giggling as they walk down the hallway garnering the attention of most of the male population. The purple bruise on her cheek is missing, nothing but smooth blemish free skin. He almost does a double take. As all three of them pass him, he locks eyes with Sujin for a moment, the mask slides off for a second but the moment he blinks the façade snaps back into place, nothing left but a pretty empty smile.

He follows them into class, sliding into his seat and promptly going to sleep. He has to catch her alone.

Doing so proves to be a near impossible feat, she's always surrounded by her two bestie shadows and Chorong and the gang are never far from him either. He sighs forlornly even time he sees her only for someone to interrupt before he can approach her. All too frustrated.

He's sitting dejected on the staircase when he hears the bustle of students in the hallway, their voices carrying down the long space and he rolls his eyes imagining what ridiculous situation they've deemed as drama now. Last time it was Ju-Kyung having pimples, a topic that was completely groundbreaking and worthy of weeks of discussion. So it's with the smallest shred of curiosity that he stands up wandering over to the commotion.

"What's going on?" He directs to the closest person, some mousy looking girl who stutters out an indecipherable answer. He looks at her confused before stalking away to find someone who has a better grasp of communication. He poses the question again, to a boy this time.

"I heard one of the girls started freaking out in the bathroom. Screaming not to be touched."

He stands frozen before the words register in his brain and his feet are moving without his brain's permission. Shoving past gossiping bystanders, he easily gets to the front only to see Ju-Kyung covering someone with her sweater as they walk down the hallway. Immediately the crowd comes alive and they surge forward like a wave all calling questions out at once, "What's wrong with you?", "Why did you freak out?", "Who do you think you are? Are you too rich to be touched or something?"

He twists his head around ferociously at the last question, everyone in front of him gulps while taking a step back. The hallway is a cacophony of voices and shouts and he can feel his anger boiling, slamming his fist into the nearest surface-a wall- he gets everyone's attention.

"Go back to your classes. Now."

Some of the male students look as if they are going to challenge his authority but another step forward is all it takes to get the student body scampering to their classrooms.

Inhaling deeply he stomps off to find the source of his unease.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It had been hard to disregard, how lacking of warmth her house was. Seojun's apartment had been brimming with warmth and love, the fridge bursting with papers and drawings documenting that someone cared enough to show them off. Her home was a large empty prison in comparison.

But she'd been right, it was dark and quiet proof that her parents were not home. With her heart in her throat she ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Sleep captured her before she knew she was in its grasps, waking up groggy hours later and forgetting where she was. Fierce pounds on her door reminded her instantly.

"Open this door now."

His voice is a low growl, even more terrifying than when he's screaming his lungs out. She grabs her vanity chair pressing it under the door knob for more protection.

She jumps when the door bulges, the loud crashing making it clear that he's slamming bodily into the door now determined to get to her.

"Please....stop." She pleads, tears already cascading down her bruised cheeks.

"Open this fucking door!!"

She's sobbing now, body folded as she cries her eyes out shaking viciously as her father continues to ran into the door, dread filling her stomach as he's never fought this hard before.

Then everything is quiet.

The pounding is gone as suddenly as it arrived. She doesn't let go her panic just yet, still too raw. Butt seconds crawl to minutes and she hears nothing so she finally exhales, sliding to the floor in relief.

She weakly crawls to her bathroom, turning the dial to the hottest temperature possible wanting to burn off his brand on her skin. After her shower she brushes her wet hair, staring at the bruise, it's turning yellow now with tinges of purple. Good thing she let Su-ah and Ju-Kyung convince her to buy foundation the last time they were in the beauty store. She will have to layer it on tomorrow.

She's starving but the thought of leaving her room with him in the house is enough to eliminate her appetite. Instead she puts on a warm sweater and sweat pants and wraps herself in a thick blanket, still too cold ice running through her veins.

She had never felt as warm as she did at his house.

A quiet knock thankfully pulls her away from such unnecessary thoughts. She simply listens.

"Su-jin, it's mom. I brought you food."

She sits up, crawling out of bed to stand in front of the bed. Her mother has never brought her food, even when she was nine and hadn't gotten a perfect score on her spelling test and her father locked her in the closet for two days with only a dictionary. She'd contemplated eating the pages before she was finally set free. Her mother had simply looked away, avoiding eye contact until she was safely back in her room.

But her stomach grumbles at the mention of sustenance and despite her best judgement she opens the door.

It's a mistake.

Immediately she notes that her mother has nothing in her hands, trembling herself and before she can slam the door shut a foot blocks her escape.

He uses the belt that time whipping her in places that others will never see, her back, thighs, and shoulders. Her mother's weakly calls out, "Don't hit her face she has to meet that boy you wanted this week."

It goes on for what seems like hours, he leaves her crumpled on the ground her body stinging as she refused to cry, blinking her tears away not wanting to give him what he wants. When her mother meekly walks over and extends a hand to her, she looks at her with listless eyes. Her mother has a fresh bruise on her cheek, her father hardly hits her anymore using Sujin has his punching bag instead but at times of high frustration he would regress.

She wonders if her mother knew that one day this would be her faith. If this was the purpose of her birth.

She doesn't take the hand. It seems there was still some hope left, it is extinguished now.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The school day had been easy she's been hiding her abuse for years, no teacher had ever suspected a thing and she didn't even blame them. It would just be bothersome, her father was a powerful man there wouldn't be much they could do.

She slaps on a smile, allowing herself to be dragged around by Su-ah and Ju-Kyung, listening as they giggle about their boyfriends chiming in the appropriate moments to not seem disinterested or jealous. She is jealous though, of their freedom and innocent problems, she'd lost her innocence a long time ago.

She knows Seojun is trying to talk to her but she can't handle seeing him right now, having to face someone who knows what she's going through sounds worst than being beat right now. So she jolts at every sight of the tall lanky figure, thankful for his fan club who seems to announce his every arrival. She's on her way to having a successful day when everything goes to hell.

She's in the bathroom drying her hands when a classmate comes in, responding to the small talk she answers the girl's question before nodding her head in goodbye.

"Oh your tag is sticking out."

That's all she hears before a hand is brushing across her sore beaten neck and her reaction is instantaneous, she turns around catching the offending hand and twisting it.

Her throat wheezes out, "Don't touch me."

The girl stares at her wide-eyed before tugging her hand away, then other girls begin to come of the stalls to see what's happening and before she knows it she's hyperventilating on the ground, nonsensical words dripping off her tongue. Everything is too loud and her head is splitting in half just when her vision is graying out, she smells a familiar perfume.

"Su-jin ah, you're going to be okay. Just breathe with me, follow me."

Ju-Kyung's voice is calming and sure, not touching her but covering them both in her sweater as she models how to breathe, she follows until her lungs are no longer burning.

"Good. You're doing so good, is it okay if I touch you? I'm going to help you up."

She grabs at the bathroom wall yanking herself until she's upright, trying to show her friend that she's not that weak but a look of hurt is displayed on her face and Sujin doesn't comprehend why.

The other girl shakes it off though, now covering her fully with her cornflower yellow sweater.

She's suddenly reminded of her nightmare this morning as she has to pass all the students in the hallway, all pointing and laughing as she falls apart some of them even have their phone out recording her and she sways uneasily before catching herself, trembling the whole way she walks down the hallway until a loud bang and a voice she recognizes all too well silences the uproar.

Resisting the desire to look back she allows Ju-Kyung to pull her up the stairs until they're on the roof. Air pumps into her lungs as she's finally free of all the judgmental eyes.

She expects the other girl to start interrogating her the moment the door closes but it never comes, instead Ju-Kyung places her sweater around her trembling body.

"You're okay. Just keep breathing."

She does her best to follow the uncomplicated directions.

After a few minutes, Ju-Kyung's phone suddenly rings disturbing the quietude. She barely hears blood rushing in her ears like the waves at the beach.

"Okay we're on the roof."

She stills at that utterance, turning in alarm.

"Who was that? Who did you tell where we are?"

Ju-Kyung looks guilty, as if she wasn't meant to hear that conversation. She doesn't want to see anyone right now, can barely stand to be with herself.

"Call them back and tell them not to come. I want to be alone."

Ju-Kyung holds her phone in her hands gingerly staring at the screen, clearly contemplating what is the right decision. She almost lunges for the phone to see who is the most recent call, but it's not needed as the roof door slams open.

"Why are you here?" She shouts, walking away now furious that tears are already filling her eyes now just at the sight of him.

"Nice to see you too princess." He drawls back, following her further onto to roof.

"Will you two be okay? I have to go back to class."

She spins to glare at her friend, why would she leave her alone with Seojun? They have had any interaction at school that hasn't been antagonistic.

"Yes, we need to talk." He answers for them and that's enough to make Ju-Kyung nod before walking off with a smile in her direction. The door shuts loudly behind her retreating back, Sujin wants to chase after her. Instead she turns back to him spitting fire and poison.

"I told you to mind your business."

"Are you okay?" He counters, eying her like a wild animal who can bolt at any minute, he isn’t wrong.

"That's none of your business!"

His expression remains the same, those beguiling feline eyes that scream at her.

"How hurt are you?"

Her emotions come crashing down again. He just keeps pushing and picking at her, no matter how much she shouts and shoves him away he just won’t go away like everyone else did. What is wrong with him? Couldn’t he see that she was more trouble than she was worth?

"What do you want to hear, huh? That everything hurts, that he used a belt this time! Do you want to hear about how he beat me until I bleed! Why do you care what happens me, why won't you leave me the fuck alone!"

Sobs ravage her body, she keeps brushing the fiery tears away fighting with her emotions but they won't stop and her palms are wet from covering her face, her breath is hitching until she starts hiccupping uncontrollably and she starts to feel light-headed.

"Hey! Su-jin! Breathe!"

But she can't, she doesn't remember how. Her body only knows how to hurt.

"Breathe, damnit!" Despite his shout, she hears the slight quiver in his voice but she can't discern why it's there but it desperately makes her want to obey.

When he cups her head, staring her head on she feels the vine wrapped around her lungs shrivel up and air starts gushing in until she feels dizzy, she sways back and forth gravity now also working against her and then she's being reeled in, her head placed on his chest. The thumping of his heart lulls her into a meditative state, she starts to count the beats and before she knows it the cobwebs in her head subside. Embarrassed by their sudden closeness, his arms are still by his side now almost immediately retracting from her head but she can feel his warmth radiating onto the skin of her thighs, she begins to draw back.

"Just stay. It's helping."

She blisters at his words, preparing to push him away.

"It's helping me, seeing you like that....it scared me. I helped you the other night, you should return the favor."

She puffs up before deflating, she'll never admit it but this is helping having something else to focus on, his scent, his heartbeat, the way his chest expands and constricts with every breath. The buzz of their skin nearly touching, his deep voice rumbling through his chest and into her ears, all placating and soothing her worries away.

"Fine."

She's never known Seojun to stay still for this long after years of attending the same school, always bursting with kinetic energy so she's pleasantly surprised by how long he simply stands and lets her rest on his chest, neither of them saying a word.

She stiffens when he suddenly starts moving disturbing their stillness, she sees his hands balled into tight fists by his side and wonders what's going through his mind.

"You can't go back there."

This again, she starts to remind him that she has nowhere to g--

"Stay with me."

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #kang sujin #han seojun #the couple that should have been #timeline is around recent episodes just minus ALL of the bullshit #sujin is a good girl and I won't hear anything else #can't wait to make her smile

97 notes · View notes

trutimeline · 4 years ago

Text

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

(source)

#idislikecispeople #dyscourse #transmed #truscum #tucute

30 notes · View notes