#i'm kinda new to the community but i'm doing my best :')
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thisoldplace · 2 days ago
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Hello !! I'm looking for some advice
I've always struggled with meeting and talking to people because of extreme anxiety where sometimes just going into a place with a few people can send me into a panic attack. Because of this I've never really had any friends online or irl and so I never really learned any social skills either.
I've only ever had one real irl best friend but he is not in my life anymore and hasn't been for 2 years. I currently have maybe 2 online friends but we don't talk very often because I don't know how to talk to people and they have their own life and other relationships. I don't have any irl friends either, my previous best friend was my only one for a good majority of my life.
I live in a fairly small town but it's unwalkable and I can't drive yet. I don't know if I can be friends with people who aren't alterhuman in some way or who understand fictionkin because it's a huge part of who I am and I don't know how to involve myself more in the community to try to meet new people, I would love to just post about my experience being nonhuman and living with psychosis how can affect it and meeting people that way but I really don't know how and posting my thoughts publicly can send me into a massive spiral, even typing this is starting to freak me out.
I really want friends, especially irl friends, but I feel kinda stuck. I'm 18 and I'm not sure what I can do here, if anyone has any advice at all I'd be eternally grateful thank you so much 💚
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apollo-zero-one · 1 year ago
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I could get a hotplate, an electric kettle, and a camping sink- the kind with a foot pump and a refillable reservoir- and a washbasin with a scrub rack, and a 5 gallon water jug. And I could make my bedroom into a tiny apartment. I am retreating from my family and if I can't move out, I will simply move inward. I will pay whatever rent they decide on given my continued use of space, water, electricity, and the wifi. I will however make it clear that I am no longer contributing to groceries and will be taking nothing else from the kitchen ever again, nor will I be making any use of any of the dishware. I will reclaim my mini fridge and the handful of cutlery and bowls I purchased when I briefly lived in a dorm, and they will not leave my new mini apartment.
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hua-fei-hua · 2 years ago
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as soon as it's summer and i'm medicated again i NEED to write a series of essays covering my experiences switching from the broader social sphere of fandom which predominantly ships m/f ships to the social sphere of fandom which predominantly ships m/m, because i feel like a lot of what we say about the other social sphere is simultaneously true and false at the same time, and i've literally never seen anyone talk about it ever
#the m/m shipping sphere is different from the f/f shipping sphere but both are honestly like lowkey disdained by the m/f sphere#well okay the f/f sphere is lowkey disdained while the m/m sphere is like highkey disdained#but at the same time It Is True that the m/f shippers can get pretty bullied by people pushing their m/m ships!!!!#so it's like a historical beef; esp when considering the fact that a lot of the times our tastes in ships can be pretty informed#by the ships our friends/fan community members are getting into in regards to new canons#i wouldn't be surprised if it was common for some nebulous hypothetical concept of an m/m shipper to be like#'oh yeah in this us v. them argument the 'us' is ofc us gay people [m/m and f/f shippers together]'#but i do think it is worth drawing a distinction btwn the m/m shipping spheres n the f/f shipping spheres#many m/m shippers like f/f ships passively; i don't see a lot of f/f shippers get super actively engaged in m/m pairs even on the side#as a result their results on ao3 feel more likely to have a significant % of genuine slush#like in my experience looking through m/m ship tags it's full of slush (referring to fic that's just not to my tastes or poorly written)#but for the most part if a ship is tagged it at least plays a role or shows up in a fic#but if i'm looking for a f/f ship on ao3 god fucking heaven help me; i have to filter so hard it cuts out >50% of the results#and when looking for m/f ships back in the day it was usually shit like 'one-sided' or 'past' or just incredibly minor passing mentions#like complain all you want abt having to go through a massive slush pile of an ao3 tag listing for an m/m ship#but at least we don't have to literally just come together as a community to make an ao3 collection#just to have a repository of fics that are just ABOUT the pairing tagged w/o being forced to grovel through slush like that#like not even 'these are the best fics for this pairing' just 'these are the fics for this pairing'#also. my hot take. is that a lot of the times people who ship *exclusively* m/f ships Are being kinda homophobic to the m/m shippers#like at the very least the way they talk abt the ships or argue with the shippers sounds like it draws on homophobic rhetoric#like the m/f shippers themselves are not necessarily homophobic people. but. like. it's nuanced. there are trends. i have many thoughts#(meanwhile the gen social sphere exists beyond most of my own experiences but god do i feel bad for them when searching through ao3)#also like. this should go w/o saying. but i'm not trying to categorize individual people into 'belonging' to any one specific sphere#but we as people just generally have our fave spots to hang out n those spots have distinctive traits n flavors#n while we're in there commonalities in the people chilling there start to emerge#if we go to a different spot bc we like being there then different things will be had in common#we're looking at strength of overlap here; not individuals#花話#anyway obviously i have many many thoughts on this subject. this is bc it fascinates me greatly bc i don't see it talked abt#bc for the most part you don't really see people into m/m who used to really like m/f ships the way i did
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followerofmercy · 11 days ago
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Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide
This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.
How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:
The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours
It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people
Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.
Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.
Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)
The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.
It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.
You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*
If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people
So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.
Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit
Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen
Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **
General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.
Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something
Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill
* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them
** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone
Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty
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dixons-sunshine · 8 months ago
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Hazelnut | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader
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Summary: Daryl didn’t know exactly what he expected when his group settled into Alexandria—maybe some snobby, incompetent inhabitants who couldn’t stand their ground if something were to happen or people who would turn on him and his group at any given moment, but definitely not a little girl who basically attached herself to his hip. And he definitely didn’t expect to find himself drawn to the mother of that little girl.
Genre: Fluff, angst but not a lot.
Era: Alexandria, pre Saviour war. (Timeline is kinda wonky. Saviours kinda don’t exist in this? I don’t really know.)
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death, child abandonment, mental abuse, mentions of drugs and alcohol, single parenthood, sexual content but not smut.
Word count: 8.1k.
A/n: This was such a cute idea that @louifaith had! I tried my best, but it honestly sucks. I’m not really happy with how this turned out, but I hope you like it! Also, definitely go check out @celtic-crossbow’s version! Pure perfection, honestly.
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“You have to lighten up, Daryl. How do you expect to make any friends with that ‘leave me alone’ attitude of yours?”
Daryl grumbled to himself as he continued tinkering with his crossbow. The hot late afternoon sun was relentlessly beating down on the community as its inhabitants continued about their tasks. Daryl had silently been observing everyone from the porch steps he was sitting on, enjoying the moment of solitude he had, but Carol had other ideas.
“Daryl,” Carol started, crossing her arms as she descended down the steps. She turned around to face Daryl, her voice stern. “It would do you good to socialize a bit.”
“I talked to Tobin when we finished up with the construction of the new walls yesterday,” Daryl replied nonchalantly, keeping his eyes focused on his crossbow instead of the stern woman in front of him.
“That doesn’t count. That’s work talk. I'm talking about actual socialising. Like, striking up a conversation with someone that isn’t in our group or someone you have to talk to for work.”
“I dun’ need to. Y’all are the only company I need. Ain’t gon’ waste my time tryna make buddies with people who dun’ even like me,” Daryl responded with a sense of finality, gripping his crossbow and getting up. “Now get off my back, woman.”
“Where are you going?” Carol called after him, watching the archer walk away from the house.
“Somewhere,” he replied shortly, ending the conversation effectively.
Slightly irritated, Daryl walked with no particular destination in mind. He passed by some people who sent him friendly greetings and small waves, which he returned half-heartedly. After a while of mindlessly walking about, Daryl stopped in front of a makeshift park of sorts. It was a small area surrounded by grass and had a big tree towards the edge. He moved to sit on the grass underneath the shade of the tree. The few kids in the community loved to play in this area, but it was deserted for now; the perfect place for the archer to relax for a while.
Daryl went about sharpening his knife for a while. The mediocre task kept his mind busy, busy enough to ignore the parents and kids who arrived, busy enough to ignore the wary stares the parents threw his way. Daryl simply shook his head—even after two months, there were still people who were wary of him and the rest of his group. Even after everything they did and sacrificed to ensure the community's safety.
“Mistah lonely?”
Startled, Daryl’s head shot up and his eyes locked with those of a little girl who looked no older than three years old. The girl looked at him with curiosity written all over her young face, eyeing the knife in the archer’s hands with wonder. She tentatively reached forward to touch the knife, her fingertips close to making contact with the cold metal of the dangerous weapon.
Daryl jerked the knife away and out of reach of the young girl. “Dun’ touch that,” he barked coldly, standing up to keep the knife out of the young girl’s reach.
“Sharp mife?” the girl questioned, moving closer towards the archer. She reached up to grab his arm, trying to reach the knife.
Daryl frowned at the girl. He gently pried his arm away from the girl’s grasp and took a step back, unnerved by the soft touch of the child’s hands. That didn't seem to deter the girl, however.
“Mistah use sharp mife?”
“Scram, kid. Go back to yer mama.”
“Mama?” the girl asked, her eyes lighting up at the mere mention of her mother. “Mama! Get Mama!”
“What? No, that ain’t—” Daryl started, but was abruptly cut off when the girl took off and ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, wobbling more like a penguin than anything else. Daryl raised his eyebrows as he watched the girl’s retreating figure, confused by the interaction he just had.
Well, he thought, at least that’s the end of that. However, as Daryl gathered his crossbow and sheathed his knife, he inwardly groaned at the sound of the little girl’s voice calling out to him.
“Mistah! Mama here!”
Daryl turned and looked at two approaching figures. The young girl was holding a woman’s hand, leading the woman over to him. The woman was laughing lightly, allowing herself to be pulled by the little girl.
“Come, Mama!” the little girl giggled, excitedly tugging your hand harder.
“Okay, okay! No need to rip my hand off,” you laughed, soon coming to a stop in front of Daryl.
Daryl looked at you with a frown, scowling slightly. His eyes darted between the excited little girl and you, slightly taken aback by the friendliness you radiated. Despite everything he had done for the community up until that point, only a few select Alexandrians—mainly Aaron and Eric—didn’t show him any contempt or wariness. Yet there you were, smiling up at him and looking as pretty as a picture.
“Mama,” the little girl excitedly told him, pointing up to you. She smiled at you, dimples forming on her chubby cheeks.
Well, the kid certainly knew how to follow orders. He had told her to go get her mama, and there you were.
“I'm Y/N. You must be Daryl?” You introduced yourself, extending your hand for a handshake.
Daryl looked at your hand, not moving to take it. However, just as you were about to lower your hand awkwardly at his dismissal, the little girl stepped forward.
“Like this, mistah,” she instructed, taking the archer’s hand and putting it in yours.
Daryl flinched at the contact and quickly withdrew his hand, looking at the little girl with a small frown. He looked back at you, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.
This was the worst random social situation he’d ever been in.
“Sorry,” you apologized, giving him a sheepish smile before turning back to your daughter. “Hazel, we don’t touch people unless they say we can, alright?”
“Sorry, Mama,” Hazel apologized half-heartedly, not fully understanding what you were saying. She turned back to look at Daryl. “Sorry, Dar.”
“Daryl,” the archer corrected her with a gruff tone of voice, talking for the first time since you had approached him.
Hazel looked up at him in confusion. “Dar,” she repeated herself, a look of concentration on her face.
“No, ‘s—nevermind. Forget it,” Daryl grumbled, shifting his weight from his one leg to the other. He looked back to you again and noticed how awkward you looked, your lips pursed as you avoided his eyes.
“Sorry. She has trouble with pronouncing some words and names. I’m working on helping her with that,” you explained, your body language exuding a challenging aura, as if daring him to insult your daughter for something as miniscule as not being able to pronounce a name.
Daryl noticed the defensive tone in your voice and noticed your defensive stature, making him raise his eyebrows questioningly, yet he refrained from questioning why. “S’alrigh’,” he mumbled, awkwardly fiddling with his crossbow that was slung over his shoulder.
“Okay,” you said, gathering Hazel up into your arms. “Well, it was nice meeting you, but I have to get going. I have to get this gremlin ready for dinner. Sorry for bothering you.”
With that, you turned around and retreated back towards the houses, Hazel happily babbling in your arms. Daryl watched your retreating figure with a sense of uneasiness. In that short interaction, he found himself unexplainably drawn to you. He didn't know you, but some part of him wanted to get to know you.
However, as quickly as that thought entered his mind, he just as quickly disregarded it. He didn’t need to get attached to any more people, especially people who couldn’t protect themselves in this harsh world they were forced to live in. In the end, everyone he cared about died or left, so it was better to spare himself the inevitable pain and keep you and your daughter at an arm’s length.
Something told him that it would be easier said than done, however.
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The next morning, Daryl found himself working alongside Aaron. The two of them were busy carrying large pieces of metal to the wall they were busy fortifying, Aaron making casual small talk while Daryl simply hummed in acknowledgement. Once the last piece of metal was added to the already existing pile, the two men wiped the sweat from their foreheads and took a drink of water, before walking over to Aaron’s house. Aaron took a seat on the porch steps while Daryl remained standing on the grass.
“So yeah, that’s how I met Eric,” Aaron told him, concluding his long and winded tale.
“Story straight out a damn romance novel,” Daryl replied sarcastically, eliciting a laugh from Aaron.
“Yeah, yeah. Make fun of it all you want. Everyone always does.”
“Nah, s’a good story. Pretty cliche with the whole spillin’ yer coffee on his shirt bit, but s’still a good story,” Daryl reassured him. “Now c’mon, didn’t ya say somethin’ ‘bout havin’ a part for my bike?”
“Dar!”
As if materializing out of thin air, Hazel excitedly bounded down the porch steps of Aaron’s home and threw herself against Daryl, clinging to his leg in a hug. Caught off guard, Daryl stumbled a bit but quickly regained his footing, his eyes darting down to look at Hazel. His eyebrows raised in surprise before he gently pried the girl from his legs, not used to any kid other than his little Asskicker clinging to him like that.
“Kid, what are ya doin’?” he questioned, taking a step back from her, but it was to no avail. Hazel simply smiled up at him before throwing herself at him again, clinging to his leg like a koala bear.
Aaron chuckled. “I see you’ve met Hazel. She’s quite the character, huh?”
“What’s she even doin’ here?”
“Eric asked to babysit her. He loves having her over, and her mom said yes.”
Hazel giggled against Daryl’s leg, turning her head to look at Aaron. “Hi, Rin!”
“Hey, Hazel,” Aaron chuckled fondly, sending the girl a small wave.
“Rin?” Daryl questioned, placing one of his big hands on the little girl’s head, accepting his fate of being clung to for the time being.
“She can’t say my name properly,” Aaron explained. “She has trouble with pronouncing things sometimes.”
“Yeah, her mama said somethin’ ‘bout that,” Daryl said without really thinking about it.
“So you’ve met her?” Aaron asked, leaning forward with slight interest. He had a small smirk on his face, one that Daryl couldn’t quite decipher.
“Briefly. Hazel practically dragged her over to meet me yesterday,” Daryl replied, looking down at Hazel when he felt her grip loosen on his leg.
Hazel looked up at him and raised her arms, looking at him expectantly. “Upsies,” she said, jumping slightly on her toes. “Dar, upsies!”
To his complete and utter surprise, Daryl found himself leaning down to pick her up. The act hadn’t even fully registered in his brain until the small girl was already in his arms, her small, chubby hands gripping at his shirt as she giggled. The small sound of her laughter made the archer’s heart fill with a sudden and unexpected fondness, completely taking him by surprise. It was the same type of fondness that filled his heart whenever he coaxed a laugh from little Judith, and yet it was completely different at the same time. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
“She seems to like you, Daryl,” Aaron laughed, standing up from his position on the porch steps. “Not a lot of people can say that about her.”
“What do ya mean?” Daryl found himself questioning, confused entirely by the man’s revelation. From the limited interactions that the archer has had with the young girl up until that point, he naturally assumed that Hazel was that way with everyone. What would make him special enough to the little girl, who had just met him, to make her treat him differently than she would others?
Aaron motioned for Daryl to follow him into the house, and he obliged, silently entering the pristine house while still carrying Hazel in his arms. The girl took a great interest in his hair, playing with it to entertain herself.
“From what Y/N told us, she was with a group before she got here who treated her and Hazel horribly, and Hazel hasn’t fully regained her trust in adults yet,” Aaron explained.
Daryl frowned. “Badly, how?”
“She wouldn’t say, but it took forever for Eric and I to gain Hazel’s trust. We even tried to bribe her with candy but she wouldn’t budge. But she seems to trust you and you said you only met her yesterday?”
“Yeah. She approached me at that makeshift park the kids play at,” Daryl nodded, rubbing a hand over Hazel’s small back subconsciously, shifting her in his arms slightly.
“Then you’re definitely special, buddy. This kid doesn’t trust easily,” Aaron declared, sitting down on a chair in the dining room.
Daryl followed his lead, taking a seat across from him on a chair while still holding the small girl firmly in his arms. Hazel’s attention shifted from his hair to the loose threads on his sleeveless shirt, playing with them to keep herself occupied.
“They were with a group ‘fore this? How long have they been here?” Daryl questioned, interested in knowing more about you, although he didn’t know why.
“Yeah. Hazel and her mom haven’t been here all that long. I actually found them a couple of days, maybe a week, before I found you all. From what I know, Y/N and Hazel had been on their own for a while before I found them. Y/N almost killed me the first time we met. She thought I was gonna hurt them. It took me and Eric a while to convince her to come back with us, but even then she refused to let her guard down. She was kind of like Rick when we first met, except she didn't tie me up or force me to eat apple sauce.”
Daryl hummed, hissing slightly when he felt Hazel tug at his hair rather harshly. He brought one of his hands up to pry her hand away from his hair, subconsciously rubbing his thumb over her small fist. “That hurts,” he told her softly, surprising himself by the gentleness of his usually gruff voice.
“Sorry, Dar,” Hazel apologized half-heartedly. She yawned before laying her head down on his shoulder. She wrapped her small arms around his neck, nuzzling her head into the crook between his neck and shoulder.
Daryl felt his heart swell with fondness for the second time that day. He gently rubbed her back. From his experience with Judith, that small action could lull a small child into slumber, and he hoped that proved to be correct with Hazel.
“You’re good at that,” Aaron commented, a smile on his face as he watched that small interaction between the big, ‘scary’ man and the small, innocent child.
Daryl looked at him, confused by the look the man was sending him. “Good at what?” he inquired, genuinely curious.
“That,” Aaron repeated himself, motioning to Hazel. “Were you a dad before all of this?”
Daryl stiffened at the question. “Nah,” he shook his head, adjusting Hazel in his arms again. “Not the type’a guy who could’ve started a family back then.”
“And now?” Aaron asked, unaware of Daryl’s inner turmoil.
Daryl inhaled sharply. “To start a family, ya need a partner,” Daryl started, slightly rocking the small girl in his arms. “I ain’t got a partner, and there ain’t exactly women linin’ up to be with me, so kids ain’t somethin’ I see in my future.”
“It could still happen, you know? You might meet someone. Hell, you know what? I know you’ll meet someone.”
“A lot of confidence for somethin’ that most likely won’t ever happen,” Daryl grumbled.
“Never say never, Daryl,” Aaron replied, giving the man a small smirk. “Never say never.”
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“Mama! Mama!” Hazel called through the house, excitement evident in her voice.
You smiled at the sound of your daughter’s voice, glad to be able to see her again after a whole day of being alone in your small house. The sun was setting, the stars starting to twinkle in the sky and you were almost done with dinner. Eric had told you that he would bring Hazel back before sunset and you were starting to get worried, but thankfully she seemed to be okay.
You walked into the living room and hunched down to pick up the small girl that ran into your arms, hugging her tightly to you as you placed kisses all over her face. She giggled at the sensation and pulled back, grabbing your hand and excitedly pointing towards the door.
“Mama, Dar here,” she said, smiling widely before turning towards the door.
You followed her line of sight and locked eyes with the archer. You stood up and gave him an awkward smile, painfully aware of the awkward encounter you had with the man the day before. Daryl seemed to mirror your unease; he nervously shifted his weight from one leg to the other, ducking his head to avoid your gaze.
“I see that, Sweetheart,” you replied, keeping your eyes locked on the man before you.
“I played with Rin and Eric. Dar played too!” Hazel happily exclaimed, clapping her hands together in excitement as she looked up at Daryl in awe.
“Did he, now?” you asked rhetorically, marvelling at the sudden and unexpected change of character for the quiet man. Just the day before, he had shrugged Hazel off and seemed to want nothing to do with her, yet now your daughter was claiming that the huntsman had spent time with her that day. It didn’t make any sense whatsoever.
“Yeah! So fun!” Hazel laughed happily, waddling over to Daryl to seemingly hug his leg again.
Daryl, who had been hugged multiple times by the toddler that day, instinctively crouched down to have her hug his side instead of his leg. Hazel wrapped her small arms around him and nuzzled her head into his neck, and Daryl couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face. One day had been more than enough for him to grow fond of the small girl, and he cursed himself for letting his guard down enough for that to happen, but the damage was already done; that little girl had already wormed her way into his heart.
“I'm glad you enjoyed yourself,” you smiled at her, watching the interaction between the archer and your baby girl. “Baby, why don't you go get changed into your blue PJ’s, huh? You're a big girl now, right? Think you can get changed without Mama’s help?”
“Yeah!” she exclaimed happily, pulling away from the hug and giving Daryl a smile, dimples on full display. “Bye, Dar!”
“Bye, Hazel,” Daryl greeted her quietly, watching the girl waddle to the stairs and begin to climb them carefully. He then hesitantly shifted his attention to you, but instead of seeing that wariness he’d grown accustomed to other parents giving him, one that he expected you to give him after his encounter with you the day before, there was a look of curiosity and wonder in your eyes.
“Thanks for bringing her home,” you thanked him, offering the archer a small smile.
Daryl ducked his head. “Ain’t nothin’,” he replied, shaking his head.
“So, you spent the day with her?” you started, looking at him questioningly. “By the way you looked uncomfortable around her yesterday, I figured you’d avoid her at all costs.”
“I was spendin’ the day helpin’ Aaron. He invited me to his place ‘cause he had a part I needed for my bike and Hazel was there. She wouldn’t let go of me after she saw me,” Daryl explained, fiddling with his hands.
“So she basically forced you into spending time with her?” you asked with a small laugh, your eyes crinkling in amusement.
“Pretty much,” Daryl joked, his lips involuntarily twitching into a small smile.
You laughed lightly and Daryl chuckled softly, admiring the way your eyes seemingly sparkled. The dim light of the living room gave you a golden glow, and Daryl found himself admiring your beauty. The unnerving thought struck him at full force and he tried to shake that thought from his mind—he couldn’t let his mind go there. He wouldn’t let his mind go there. He had to keep you at an arm’s length. It was bad enough that Hazel had broke through his barrier in one measly day, so he couldn’t allow her mom to do the same, too. More attachments definitely wasn’t something the archer needed.
“Well, Hazel seems happy. I think you’ve just became her best friend, whether you like it or not,” you told him playfully.
“I have a feeling that I ain’t got much say in the matter.
“Nope,” you laughed. “But thank you. She hasn’t looked that happy in a long time.”
“Glad I could help,” Daryl replied, a small smile on his face. “Sorry for bein’ a dick yesterday.”
“It’s fine. We shouldn't have bothered you.”
“Ya weren’t botherin’ me. I jus’... Weren’t in a good mood, s’all. M’sorry.”
“Apology accepted.” You gave him a sweet smile before turning around. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Daryl frowned in confusion but didn’t say anything. A few minutes passed until you reentered the living room, a lunchbox in your hand. You promptly handed it to him, and Daryl could feel the heat radiating off the bottom.
“What’s this?” he asked, giving you a questioning look.
“Stew. I made more than Hazel and I can finish, so I figured I’d give you some. And before you say anything, just take it. Consider it a thank you gift.”
Daryl pursed his lips but nodded, resisting the urge to deny your ‘gift’. “Thanks.”
“No problem at all,” you reassured him, looking up at him with a smile that made his heart flutter uncontrollably.
Daryl ducked his head, willing the blush on his face to go away. “I should get goin’,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.
“I’ll walk you out,” you replied, making good of your promise by walking with him over to the door.
Daryl stepped out of your home and turned to you. He gave you a nod and turned to walk away, but stopped when he heard you speak up.
“I hope you realize that she isn’t gonna let you off the hook. You’re going to be stuck with her now. And my daughter and I are a package deal, so you’re going to be stuck with me, too.”
For some unknown reason, Daryl didn’t mind that thought at all.
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“Easy, Hazelnut. Ya dun’ wanna hurt yerself, do ya?”
The toddler giggled, her small hands toying with the arrow in her hands. “Sorry, Dar.”
Daryl smiled at the small girl, bringing one of his hands up to ruffle her hair, successfully coaxing another laugh from her. “I know ya are. Jus’ try to be more careful, alright? I dun’ want ya gettin’ hurt.”
“No boo-boos. Boo-boos hurt,” Hazel replied, gingerly handing the arrow back to the archer.
“They do,” Daryl agreed, taking the arrow from the girl. “That’s why ya gotta be careful, alright? Dun’ want anythin’ to happen to someone as sweet as ya, Hazelnut.”
Hazel giggled and nodded. “No boo-boos.”
“No boo-boos,��� Daryl repeated, smiling fondly at the young girl.
Two months had passed since Daryl had initially met you and Hazel. In those two months, Daryl had found himself becoming intertwined with your lives, a constant presence for you and your daughter.
The archer hadn’t asked you what had happened to Hazel’s father yet, and he wondered when he could be permitted to ask something as personal as that. However, Daryl knew that there could only be two plausible explanations; either he was dead, or he willingly left. The huntsman really hoped it wasn’t the latter. No person should be left to raise a kid on their own.
However, as Daryl’s love for the young girl grew, so did his feelings for you. It got to the point where he had started wishing that he was Hazel’s dad, that he could’ve been there during your pregnancy and watched your belly grow. He would’ve worshipped your body and been there for you every step of the way. However, as much as he wanted that, that was a dream that couldn’t be a reality, so he settled on being Hazel's best friend instead. At least it meant being able to both bond with the little girl and simultaneously have an excuse to see you.
“The two of you look like you’re having fun. Mind if I join?”
Daryl’s head snapped up at the sound of your voice. His eyes met yours and his heart skipped a beat, that sweet smile of yours making butterflies swarm around in his stomach.
“Mama!” Hazel exclaimed happily, hurrying down the porch steps to fling herself into your arms.
You laughed, picking her up and placing a kiss on her forehead. You looked at Daryl and sent him a smile. “Hey, Daryl.”
“Hey,” he greeted you quietly, fiddling with the arrow in his hands.
“Mama, play with us!” Hazel giggled, wiggling in your arms to be put down.
You lowered her to the ground, watching her climb up the porch steps and clamber into Daryl’s lap. Daryl lowered the arrow and wrapped his arms around her, placing a small kiss to the side of her head. You smiled at the interaction, your heart speeding up against your will.
“I know what I just said, but I actually can’t, Baby. It’s time to go home. It’s dinner time,” you told her.
Hazel frowned and nuzzled her head into Daryl’s neck, a whimper building up in her throat. Instinctively, Daryl started rocking her back and forth, rubbing her small back and shushing her quietly.
“S’alright, dun’ cry. Ya will see me again tomorrow, alright?” he whispered into her ear, his heart breaking at the sound of her sniffles. When he felt her nod, he placed one final kiss to the side of her head before placing her back down. “Why dun’ ya go say bye to Jude?”
Hazel looked at you expectantly, and you nodded. “Go ahead, Baby. I’ll wait for you.”
Hazel ran into the house, leaving you and Daryl alone on the porch. The archer stood up and walked down to meet you on the grass, pushing his hands into his pockets as he looked at you through his hair. As you looked at him, it took all of your willpower to resist the urge to brush his hair out of his face and cup his cheek. Not trusting your own hands, you crossed your arms and looked up at the huntsman, giving him a small smile.
“This is the first time ya’ve come to pick her up. I usually bring her home. S’somethin’ wrong?” Daryl inquired, searching your eyes for an answer.
You shook your head. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just figured that I could come pick her up for a change. Spare you the walk back to my place.”
“It ain’t that far,” Daryl pointed out, motioning down the street. “Jus’ a couple’a houses down.”
“Yeah, I know, but...” you trailed off, unsure if you should lay your problems onto him.
“But what?” he questioned, suddenly on edge. Had you changed your mind about him? About him being around you and your daughter? He really hoped not.
You hesitated for a moment. “It’s nothing. Just some moms around the community who like to be judgy.”
“What are they sayin’?”
“That I'm a bad mom for not taking the time out of my day to pick up my own daughter. That I’m dumping my responsibilities onto other people. Just thought I’d start proving them wrong.”
“Hey, yer not a bad mom. I like bringin’ Hazel home at the end of the day. That way I know she’s safe.” He also liked it because it meant he got to see you being all domestic, hugging your daughter tightly and sending him beautiful smiles, inviting him to stay for dinner each time. He always declined, not wanting to be a burden, but your offer never waned.
You smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. Daryl instantly noticed it and placed one of his hands on your shoulder, taking you by surprise. His touch was surprisingly gentle, and your skin flushed where he touched you.
“Dun’ let ‘em convince ya that yer a bad mom. I ain’t never seen a better mom than ya. How many moms here can say that they kept their kid alive out there in the real world? That, despite everythin’, their kid came first and that they would kill for them?”
“How did you know I wasn’t here from the start?”
“Aaron told me he that found ya and Hazel on yer own not too long before he found us. The fact that ya kept her alive on yer own for that long proves to me that yer the best fuckin’ mom under the sun.”
You smiled at him and placed your hand over his that was still resting on your shoulder. “Thank you,” you whispered.
“No problem,” he replied, holding eye contact with you. His hand lingered on your shoulder for longer than necessary, and he gazed deep into your eyes.
Your heart sped up and stopped beating at the same time, noticing a shift in the archer’s emotions. However, before either of you could do anything else, Daryl snapped out of it and withdrew his hand, taking a step back.
You cleared your throat and ducked your head, your face heating up. Luckily, Hazel ran out at that moment and bounded down the stairs, throwing herself into Daryl’s side and clinging to his leg.
“Bye, Dar!”
Daryl pressed Hazel tightly to him. “Bye, Hazelnut.”
Hazel unwound her arms from around him and moved over to you, extending her arms to be picked up. You did just that, holding her tightly to you. You turned to Daryl and offered him a small smile.
“You know, my offer still stands. You could join us for dinner.”
Daryl was about to decline your offer again, but Hazel cut him off.
“Yes! Please, Dar!”
In that moment, Daryl found that he wouldn’t be able to say no this time around. He just would’t be able to. He gave you both a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
You smiled broadly. “Great! Come on, then.”
“Dun’ I need to change?”
“No, you’re fine, don’t worry. You can come as is.”
“Alright,” Daryl nodded. “Let’s go.”
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“Could you maybe get Hazel settled into her highchair? I’ll be right out with the food.”
Daryl nodded and watched you retreat from the dining room into the kitchen before turning around. “Hazelnut!” he called, hearing the toddler’s footsteps come into the dining room.
Hazel stared up at the archer with a huge smile, her arms extended to be picked up. Daryl smiled softly at the girl and leaned down to pick her up, placing her in her highchair. Once he was sure that she was settled and wouldn’t fall out, he got settled in the chair next to her, listening to Hazel’s happy babbling.
Soon enough, you reentered the dining room with a pot of spaghetti and meatballs. The aroma of the meal made Daryl’s mouth practically water. The last time he’d eaten spaghetti was when Aaron had invited him, and that was a good couple of months ago at that point.
“It smells fuckin’ good,” Daryl complimented you without really thinking about his choice of words, and he instantly regretted not thinking about them beforehand.
“Fuck,” Hazel repeated happily, completely oblivious to the horrified look that spread over Daryl’s face, or the amused one that spread over yours.
“Nah, Hazelnut, dun’ say that. Dun’ ever say that,” he told her hurriedly, his heart beating faster at his mistake.
“Fuck,” Hazel giggled.
“No, I jus’ said—” Daryl started, shooting you a worried look. However, he calmed down when he saw your amused smile. “What’s so funny?”
“You,” you told him, laughing lightly while serving everyone some food. “Don’t look so worried. I’m not gonna bite your head off because of one little slip up. If I had a penny for every time I accidentally slipped up since she was born, I would’ve had enough money to be able to buy a yacht in the old world. You’re good, don’t worry.
“Okay, but we can’t have her goin’ ‘round sayin’ that, though,” Daryl replied, taking a deep breath to calm himself. You weren’t mad. Everything was fine.
“You’re right about that,” you started, turning to look at Hazel. “Baby, you can’t say fuck, okay? That word belongs to Daryl. Until he’s ready to share that word, you can’t say it, alright?”
“Okay, Mama,” Hazel replied, starting to eat her food rather messily.
Daryl chuckled softly at the girl before turning to his own food. He started eating as well, the flavours of the delicious meal melting on his tongue. He wanted to gulp it all down but he resisted the urge, instead eating with a delicacy he never knew existed in him.
The meal was mostly spent in silence, save for Hazel’s happy babbling and the occasional input from you or Daryl. Daryl did, however, sneak glances at you when you weren’t looking, admiring your beauty and the soft, loving, tender way you acknowledged your daughter and the tenderness you used when you wiped her face clean of the sauce.
Unbeknownst to the archer, you had also been sneaking glances at him. Admiring his gentleness with your daughter, the way his eyes softened and the quiet chuckles he would let out whenever Hazel did something amusing, or the small smiles he would send in your direction. It was amazing how important Daryl had become to you and Hazel in a span of a few months. The big, gruff, quiet man with a heart of gold, who had invaded your thoughts and your heart. It was both terrifying and thrilling to think about.
Your respective meals were soon finished. and Hazel’s eyes were beginning to droop. You noticed it and got up to take her out of her highchair. She instantly laid her head down onto your shoulder and closed her eyes, and you placed a tender kiss on her forehead.
“You tired, Baby?” you cooed, rubbing her back gently. When she simply responded by nuzzling her face deeper into your shoulder, you laughed fondly and turned to Daryl, sending him an apologetic look. “Sorry, I should probably get this little rascal to bed. You can stay here. I’ll be right back.”
However, as soon as you said that, Hazel interjected. “Dar tuck me in with Mama?” she asked innocently, lifting her head up to look at Daryl.
Daryl looked surprised. He locked eyes with you, his heart fluttering at the smile you sent him.
“If Daryl’s okay with it,” you whispered, looking at him through your eyelashes.
“Yeah, ‘course,” Daryl replied, nodding his head.
You motioned for him to follow you upstairs, and he obliged. Together, the two of you descended up the stairs and into Hazel’s bedroom. Daryl stopped in the doorway, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, but you had other ideas. You gently took his hand and led him into the room, only letting go of it to tuck your daughter into bed. Daryl subconsciously placed his hand on your shoulder instead, watching place your little girl into bed.
Hazel was already half asleep when you put her into her bed. She instantly curled up into her pillow and let out a big sigh, her eyes opening only slightly. In her view, she saw you, her mom, the woman who always protected her when the two of you were living on the road outside the walls, and always loved her despite her shenanigans. And Daryl, the man who at first had been kind of mean, but was now always there for both her and her mom. The man who undeniably had started to feel like a daddy to her.
“Night, Mama. Night, Daddy,” Hazel mumbled, her eyes closing and she drifted into slumber. In seconds, she was out cold.
Time froze for a moment. Daryl’s eyes widened and his heart practically pounded out of his chest. There was no way that he had heard it right. There was no way that Hazel had just called him dad. There was no way that Hazel trusted and loved him enough to see him as her father. She couldn’t, could she?
He turned to look at you and noticed the unreadable expression on your face. You didn’t address what she had just said, however, and Daryl was too nervous to bring it up himself.
“We should probably let her sleep,” you whispered to him, motioning towards the door.
“Yeah,” Daryl agreed and followed you out the door.
Together, the two of you descended down the stairs and back into the dining room. You turned to look at Daryl and motioned towards the living room.
“You can wait in the living room. I just wanna put the dishes in the sink and then I’ll join you.”
“Nah, let me help,” Daryl protested, moving over to grab all the dishes. Before you could protest, Daryl walked into the kitchen. You quickly followed behind him and watched him put the dishes in the sink, but before he could start washing them, you quickly stopped him.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll wash them tomorrow,” you assured him. “Do you want some wine?”
Daryl nodded and hummed, silently observing as you grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, as well as a bottle of wine. You placed the glasses on the counter before popping the the bottle open, pouring the two of you each a glass of wine. You handed him the glass and propped yourself onto the counter, letting your legs swing below you.
Daryl leaned against the counter and took a sip of his wine, humming in approval at the taste. “S’good. Thanks.”
“It’s nothing, really. I've been wanting a reason to open the bottle for a while now.”
“Ya can’t jus’ drink it whenever ya want?” Daryl questioned, taking another sip from the glass in his hand.
“I could, but I prefer not to. I don’t want to be like—” you started, but abruptly stopped. You hurriedly took a sip of your wine, welcoming the taste in your mouth.
“Like who?” Daryl asked, frowning at the uncomfortable look on your face.
You hesitated for a long moment, not sure if you should tell Daryl about your past problems. You were afraid that Daryl would look at you differently if you revealed anything. However, as you looked into his eyes, you only saw care and concern, so you found yourself confiding in him.
“Hazel’s father,” you revealed, pursing your lips at the thought of the man you hated more than anything in the world.
“What was he like?” Daryl asked, placing his glass down on the counter. He turned his full attention to you, his eyes trailing over your face for any shift in emotion.
“He was a fucking asshole,” you spat angrily, clenching your jaw in anger. “He was a raging alcoholic and a frequent drug user. He didn’t even stop when Hazel was born. If anything, it got worse. I tried so hard to get him sober, but nothing worked. He always yelled at me and threatened to hurt Hazel whenever I brought it up, but I stayed. I was too scared to leave. And then one day, when I woke up, he was just... Gone. No note, no phone call, nothing. Hazel was barely one year old.”
Daryl frowned deeply, anger bubbling inside him at the thought of someone hurting you and Hazel so badly. He clenched his fist and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He had no right to get angry. That wasn’t something that happened to him.
“Not too long after that, the world went to shit. His sister came to pick us up and took us to her camp, and that’s where I saw that asshole again. He treated Hazel so badly and got the other people in the camp to taunt and be mean to her. Hazel didn’t even do anything wrong, and I never even brought up the fact that she was his kid, but they all ganged up on her. Thankfully it never got physical, but I could tell that it really scarred her. It went on until the camp got overrun, and all of those fuckers got what they deserved. The only reason Hazel and I got out was because his sister helped us. She sacrificed herself for us. After that, Hazel and I were on our own for more than a year. I’m surprised that I managed to keep us alive for that long on my own, but I managed. And then Aaron and Eric found us, and the rest is history.”
Daryl was speechless. It angered him that someone would hurt you like that, would hurt little Hazel like that. And the fact that you had to survive on your own for that long... It amazed him. He wished that he could’ve found you earlier and have protected you and Hazel from all those horrors, but there was nothing he could do to change the past. He could only ensure that nothing ever touched you in the future.
“Yer a strong woman. The fact that ya went through all’a that and managed to keep Hazel alive and love her unconditionally proves that. Yer amazing and I hope ya know that.”
You were taken aback by the sudden confession, but a smile soon spread across your face. You hopped off the counter and stood in front of him, almost chest to chest. You looked up at him, your faces close enough to close the remaining distance between your lips. You didn’t even fully know why you did that. It was more than likely liquid courage, you figured.
“You’re amazing too. I don’t think you realize how much you mean to Hazel, how much you mean to me.”
With that, you closed the remaining distance between your lips. You pressed your lips against his softly, wrapping your arms around his neck. After a moment of shock, Daryl kissed you back feverishly, pulling you closer by your hips to have you flush against his body. You gasped against his lips, allowing Daryl to slip his tongue into your mouth. You moaned into his mouth and pressed yourself harder against him, eliciting a groan from the man.
As soon as you pulled away for air, you tugged Daryl by the lapel of his vest. “Wanna take this to my room?” you whispered, breathless from the ravenous kiss.
“What ‘bout Hazelnut? Won’t she wake up?” Daryl asked, pressing his forehead against yours.
“No. She’s out cold. The chances of her waking up are basically nonexistent.”
Daryl let out a deep breath and nodded, allowing you to pull him up the stairs. The two of you soon stumbled into your room, hurriedly closing the door and pawing at each other’s clothes. However, when you reached for Daryl’s shirt, he stopped you, a pained look on his face.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, a worried look on your face. “Did I do something wrong?”
Daryl shook his head. “Nah, ya didn’t do nothin’.”
“Then what’s wrong?” you asked him, gently cupping his cheek in your hand. “Talk to me. I promise I won’t judge.”
Daryl inhaled sharply. “I didn’t have a good childhood,” was all he offered before slowly removing his shirt.
Your eyes hungrily trailed over his body, your hands reaching forward to press against his chest. Sure, a few scars littered his chest, but they didn’t repulse you. You didn’t understand what Daryl was talking about until you got a glimpse of his back in the mirror in your room. The scars on his back were jagged and raised, and you instantly knew what they meant; someone had hurt this perfect man before you, and you felt so angry.
You walked behind him. “May I?” you whispered, your hands hovering over his back.
Daryl hesitantly nodded. You softly ran your fingers over his scars, your touch feathery light. The archer shivered involuntarily, closing his eyes at the feeling. Before meeting you, the only feeling that he ever associated with his back was pain from his father’s cruelty, yet there you were, tracing over his scars as if they were priceless paintings in a museum.
Soon your fingers were replaced with your lips, and Daryl’s eyes flew open. Your lips softly kissed over his scars, trailing down to the lowest scars on his lower back. When you were done, you turned him around to face you. You gently cupped his cheek, a small smile on your face.
“You're perfect to me, Daryl. You’re so sweet, kind and caring. Hell, my daughter called you dad. That says plenty.”
“M’perfect?”
“You're perfect.”
That was all you had to say for Daryl to pull you into another fiery kiss. The two of you soon toppled onto your bed, spending a night filled with passion together.
That next morning when Hazel woke up and walked into your room, she was pleasantly surprised to find Daryl sleeping there, holding you, her mama. She was, however, confused that when she woke the two of you up, you clutched the sheets to your bodies and refused to let her climb under them with you like you normally would do.
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Two years later...
“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Hazel. Happy birthday to you!”
You and Daryl cheered as Hazel blew out the candles on her homemade cake. Hazel laughed as she struggled to blow out the last one of the five candles on the cake, eliciting soft chuckles from you and Daryl. When she finally managed to extinguish it, you and Daryl each handed her a gift. She clapped her hands excitedly. She got up from her seat and ran to hug you and Daryl, which you both returned.
“Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Daddy,” she thanked with a big smile, eyeing the wrapped gifts on the table.
“Dun’ thank us yet, Hazelnut,” Daryl responded with a smile. “Go ahead and open ‘em.”
Hazel hurriedly opened each of the gifts and gasped with delight, holding up a colouring book, new crayons, and a new doll. She giggled in excitement at the gifts. “Can I go show these to Judith? We can colour and play dolls together now!”
You laughed and nodded. “Sure, Baby. Just be good for Auntie Michonne and Uncle Rick, okay?”
“Okay!” she agreed and took off in a run, throwing the front door open and disappearing out of it.
“I can’t believe she’s growin’ up so fast,” Daryl mumbled, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He rested his chin on the top of your head.
“I know, right? She’ll be moving away from home for college soon enough,” you joked.
“Hmm,” Daryl hummed, chuckling at your joke.
“Oh!” you exclaimed, turning around in the archer's arms. “I got something for you, too.”
“For me?” he asked in confusion, frowning slightly. “Why? It ain’t my birthday for another couple’a months.”
“I know, but this can’t wait that long. Here,” you told him, handing him a small box.
Daryl gingerly took the box from your hands and opened it. His eyes widened at the item inside, picking it up and looking at it. After examining it for a couple of moments, he confirmed that his mind indeed wasn’t playing a trick on him—it was a positive pregnancy test.
“Yer—Yer pregnant?” he asked, a smile spreading over his face.
“Yeah,” you confirmed, nodding your head. A laugh escaped you when Daryl picked you up and spun you around, before he placed you back on the ground and pulled you into a kiss.
When he pulled back, he leaned his forehead against yours. “Hazelnut’s gon’ have a baby sibling. We’re gon’ have another kid.”
“We are,” you agreed, closing your eyes. “I love you, Daryl.”
Daryl placed a gentle kiss against your forehead. “I love ya, too. And I already love that lil’ peanut in yer belly.”
“Hazelnut and Peanut, huh?”
“Yeah. Our two babies. Our own lil’ family,” Daryl told you wistfully, placing his hand on your stomach, over the life that was growing there.
“We have Hazel to thank for this. If she didn’t instantly like you back then, this might never have happened,” you told him, placing your hand over his.
“Remind me to thank her when she gets back later. But for now, let’s enjoy our alone time,” Daryl replied suggestively, tugging you with him as he walked backwards towards the stairs.
“I like that idea.”
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gor3sigil · 3 months ago
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Trans drag performers deserve better.
Okay so since y'all seem interested, here we go.
[This is about MY experience as a “former” transmasc drag king, in my local scene. This isn't representative of the drag scene as a whole because drag is a wide, huge scene with pretty much any type of people in it. I have never done paid gig. I only performed a couple of times before deciding to stop.]
I discovered drag with RuPaul like a lot of people, and for a long time, I only knew about drag queens. It’s when I learned about an initiation to drag king happening in my town that I decided to try it. I did a bit of research before the event took place and that's how I learned that drag king is widely undocumented, compared to drag queen. A bit disheartening but I was excited to do something new and especially to get back in my local queer community after 2 years or so of “no contact” with it because trauma (see my post about my first T4T relationship to understand why).
First surprise when I got there, I was the only transmasc present as an attendee. The organiser and person who teached us is agender and go by he/him, and his at the time SO is a transmasc enby but appart from them, I was the only trans person. Most of the others were cis lesbian women. Makes sense. The initiation weekend went really well and we ended up performing in an open scene at the end. I can't count the amount of times I got misgendered by other kings during this weekend and I have to say, it pissed me off so fucking bad because I was the only one getting consistantly misgendered. But I brushed it off and had a blast.
My drag persona is more of a dragula king, really goth, and I did a lipsync performance on a Black Dresses song. I loved it and had a blast. A year or so later, we decided with other drag kings to do a little group to perform together.
Once again, I'm the only trans person.
And that's when the shitshow kinda happened. From all the drag kings present, I was also the only one who wasn't already part of a collective. So the group we had was composed of people from 2 collectives who would basically cheer each other out at every show, and it's great !! But I wasn't being integrated into the group, and I felt defeated. One of the main reasons why I didn't go to drag shows was because I was FLAT BROKE. I couldn't attend these events as they were always or in a bar so you have to at least buy a drink, or had a fee, and I couldn't afford that.
We started doing rehearsals and I set up a discord server for us all to use and organize the said rehearsals. It soon became apparent that they weren't really serious about this group, that they were more involved in their own collectives and it was HELL to have at least one rehearsal a month. But we had a show scheduled for september, and half of the kings weren't ready, didn't know their texts nor songs. I knew it was going to be bad. Also we were confirmed that the gig was going to actually happen 3 days only before, because the people who said they were going to do the visuals NEVER DID and we had to fumble something quick so the event was promoted very fucking late and we weren't sure we could even afford to do it, because not many tickets were sold.
During the rehearsals I got singled out for everything. My voice was dropping because of the T (I had started 8 months prior) and I tried to do my best with the singing parts but got told a few times that my low voice would sound “weird” amongst the sopranos. Also, one of the solo part a king was going to perform was on a very upbeat music and he said we could join IF WE WANTED.
I said I'd pass since it wasn't my style at all.
And when we got to the venue, the venue didn't have any backstage and I had my solo part just after that, so I couldn't just stand there on stage and do nothing. The others in my group KNEW IT as they had performed in this venue BEFORE but just told me “oh, too bad, improvise something” when they were the same ones who told me that taking part in the number was not mandatory.
Regarding the other artists, man, I hated everything. I got misgendered constantly IN KING LIKE - I'M A DRAG KING FFS. Even by others in my group.
When I corrected another performer, a cis gay dude, he laughed at my FACE and told me “but you're trans aren't you like, against gender or something ?”. As I was pre op and still early in my transition I was basically outing myself everytime I told my pronouns and I got so many cis performers ask me invasive questions about my sex life, or being like “yeah I have a trans friend who goes by X but I knew them as Y so it's Y to me but it's not in a disrespectful way you see”.
So yeah, I didn't have a great night. :)
The cis kings called me “girl” or “sis” because “I'm one of them” even after telling them time and time again that I wasn't comfortable with that.
And after this quite disastrous experience, the same ones who called me “girl” and me got into an argument because they wanted to change a song about forced toxic masculinity which is an INCREDIBLY POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL SONG into lyrics to talk about femininity. I said that we could use another song then, because there's so few cis men singers who sing about being forced into toxic masculinity and virility that I found that a bit disrespectful to take this important message and make it about women and femininity. There's plenty of songs about that that we could use.
And now guess what ? I was a MEAN MAN who wanted women to NOT TALK ABOUT THEIR ISSUES because I was a very MANLY DUDE DISGUSTING MALE.
The same people who couldn't gender me correctly and called me “sis” a WEEK BEFORE.
So yeah, I got the fuck out and gave up.
I really wish I can perform again one day, but it'll be in another scene.
So PSA: book drag kings, because they are so underrepresented it's disheartening, RESPECT trans drag performers, don't but bioessentialism in drag for the LOVE OF GOD IT'S DRAG. Like imagine being transphobic as a DRAG PERFORMER. Learn the history. And fucking do better.
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astrologylunadream · 8 months ago
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What Type of Lover Would They Be? 💌🍓🖤 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)
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Hi it's Lunadream❤️ This is a reading on your person and the type of lover they are/would be like with you!👀💋 hope you find your message🌸
Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)
Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🌸❤️
Pile 1🍫
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Pile 2🥛
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Pile 3🥀
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Pile 4🍓
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Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡
On to the readings —> 💌
Pile 1🍫
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Sign energy: Unexpected, Activity, Soft spot, Energy, Hold, Lilith, Chiron, Libra, Gemini, 1st house, Vertex,🎶💃👿🤵‍♂️
👤Your person's energy: Oh my pile 1 your person is fiesty😂😂 There is a lot of passion and energy to this pile, I know this is about your person but I am also getting some fire energy from you guys🙈🔥 Some of you could be aries, leo or sagittarius placements in your charts, my pile 1's are so irresistible!!🥰 Now this person has a lot energy physically, I feel like they can do a lot without getting burnt out, probably can work out often. On their own this person can be forward and a little impulsive but they also have a very gentle side.🥹🩷 This person tends to be direct in their thinking, for some lf you this person curses a lot😂🤬 Physically they have a certain charm about them, because they can look mean yet soft and sweet at the same time?? It just kinda comes off as hot tbh😂😭 Oh and prominent signs in their chart are Libra, Gemini, and Aries. They have a mars mercury feel to them, they could talk fast or bluntly. They do have an unexpected dark side to them, maybe they have a soft image but then they're a devil in disguise omg😈 Nothing bad but, they have another vibe to them that's really passionate and aggressive even?? Maybe they have a bit of a resting b*tch face but you think it's so cute😆 Oh hold on I'm just getting something, you guys may see this person as the love of your life, you're soft for them🥺💞💋 Other people may think they're bad news but in your eyes they're literally the sweetest thing ever.🤭🌸 This connection could be on hold for some of you, there is some sort of barrier between physical touch with this person right now for some sudden reason. Maybe someone is into healing music? Music could be healing for this person. You like the way this person thinks, they're like a cute little devil to you.😂 They may look really adorable to you when they're angry, some of my pile 1's want to marry this person💍💕 They could be toned/strong physically, random but their hand grip is very strong? Like they can open a jar or crush things with their hand?😂🫣 You may be able to spot them easily by their hands. Honestly this is just so cute🥰
🌹What type of lover they are with you: Target, Winter, Remedy, Listen, Unafraid, 11th house, Sun, 3rd house, Sagittarius, Saturn,🎱🩲🤬🫐 Lol wtf are these emojis help- Umm so your person would be the type of lover that's like a best friend, they might would want to be friends first before getting into the relationship with you.🙃 Despite their forward approach to communication, when it comes to you they would be the BEST listener omg this is so sweet😭💖 Like they would be all ears for whatever you have to say💬 it's just so cute because it really felt like they're the type to cut people off easily when they talk and not take time to listen but PILE 1 when it comes to you they will never interrupt you🥺💕💞 They are naturally a very fun type of lover with you, they would be brave and daring in their attempts to win you over😆 Like they are not afraid to make any bold moves or mistakes.💪😎 In a relationship with you, they are like the shining sun keeping you warm in the cold winter. They may try to befriend your friends, and talk about how lucky they are to have you🤭 Your person would be giving sibling, best friend and lover energy all at once. But as childish and bright as they may act with you, they are also a very dominant type.😳❤️‍🔥⛓️ So like one minute they're joking with you and then the next they're choking with you (if you know what I mean!!🥵) Yeah also they're the kind of lover that's very handsy in a relationship with you, they may always wanna have their hand on your shoulder or other places😭 They might be a little reckless around you, simply because they get all bright and excited when they're with you🥹💖 But they are also the kind to take you seriously when needed, like they would really commit🫶 They may be the kind to tell dirty jokes with you, just throwing it out there to get your reply🫣 So basically they can be really fun and silly but also hot af with you😭⁉️ I see them smirking all the time and nudging you, as your lover they would get very intense when you two are alone❤️‍🔥⛓️ Also they may love arguing with you then suddenly making out with you??😳 AHH Yeah I can definitely see that for your person, they're the sweet and funny type but can be dominant and aggressive with you if you want it😈😰😭
💌Messages from your person: What happened? Let's take our time, I wish I could control it, Someone will love you, It's all real (Omg yess pile 1 it's reaaal🥰) Extra cards: Spell, Mean, Submissive, Mutable, Skill (Some of you may be mutable signs, Pisces, Virgo, Gemini, Sagittarius✨️ I love this connection you two have it's really something special🌹)
Haha this pile was A LOT omg!!😂🩷 Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🥰❤️
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the chocolate emoji~🍫 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸🌹💌
Pile 2🥛
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Sign energy: Tea, Twin flame, Imagination, Darling, Rebellion, 3rd house, Vertex, 5th house, 9th house, 11th house,🤗🪸🥠🫧
👤Your person's energy: Ah they're very attractive aren't they?? Some of my pile 2's have a lot of fantasies about this person🥺💭 This may be a twin flame/soulmate connection to you, they feel like your soul twin🩷 You may interact with this person through social media/online, I am getting lots of mirrored energy. Prominent Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, and Aquarius in their chart.✨️ I feel like this person makes you very happy, you just want to hug them😢💖 I am getting water energy from some of my pile 2's, especially neptune placements.🔱💕 This connection feels fateful to you guys, maybe you've even been manifesting this person?🙏 Tea may be significant, also for some of you this person could be from a different culture or background than you. They could also have a thirst for traveling to other countries.✈️ Maybe their beliefs are a bit rebellious? They desire to befriend people of different countries and ethnicities. They have a charming bright aura and smile made of sunshine, also you are friends with this person or want to be!!🥺🩷 This person may have a unique way of speaking or communicating with others, some people may find it strange but you find is intriguing.💬✨️ For physical appearance, maybe unique hair. They are giving an eccentric and creative vibe, they may be into unusual music or art. They have strange tastes for some of you, a lot of manifestation from this pile. If you're manifesting this person just know it's working!!🥰 The fortune cookie emoji is very promising, there is the working of fate for this connection. Soulmate/twin flame vibes take what resonates~💞
🌹What type of lover they are with you: Daily, Situation, Inactivity, Benefits, Feminine, Aries, Earth, Chiron, Sagittarius, Air,🕸🧖‍♀️🦥🧊 Okay interesting so the first thing I'm noticing with your person is that they are the type of lover to do considerably feminine activities with you, like going shopping or pampering yourselves.💅🛍💖 They may be very helpful if you two ever trave to another country, maybe they speak a language well? And you can benefit from that with your person🤭💫 You may also have many travel benefits and opportunities when you're with them, as well as learning new things. I can see that your person is the type to go pretty fast into the relationship with you, they might just start dating you kind of out of nowhere that's the vibe I'm getting from your person lol😂 They may try to take really good care of themselves, wear expensive clothes and look good just for you✨️💗🥺 There is this energy, like they may be really worried about having a relationship come to a stop or just die so like they try to do as much as they can to keep you interested every day😭 They are a bit clingy, so they are the type to have their arm around you a lot.👀💕 Some of my pile 2's this is a very feminine person when in a relationship with you, they may act as the feminine in the relationship.♀️ I do see you two doing a lot of sweet activities together, self care is something you both share.💝🪞🧼 You two could get caught up in some petty fights sometimes, but then they just hug you and cuddle you making it hard to stay mad at them🥹🙊 I can see this person being protective of you. They may enjoy buying you products for you to use, like nice bathroom products✨️🧴 Wow it's like this person knows you so well because they are into similar things, also, they may like to touch your thighs a lot. I can see them wanting to grab your leg often when you two are dating.😭😨💞 For those who this is a masculine they have a lot of understanding and respect for you guys🥺 Like they are not afraid to seem less masculine by sharing the things you love, like if it's what pile 2 wants it doesn't matter to me <3 I'm just getting such soft and sweet masculine vibes for those, this could be a sort of relationship that just happens somehow. Like situationship kinda thing.🤯 For some of you this person may be a little jealous of you?? There is some competitive energy here. Ohh but you guys make such a cute couple, like a very feminine one.😘💞💅 I can just see you two buying cute clothes and spending time doing your favorite things together!!
💌Messages from your person: So what, I like the pain, Just say the word, I'm in trouble, Don't waste your time (For some of you this person feels like a situation won't work out, they may be having negative thoughts about this connection😢 It could be a sort of masochistic view on the relationship, like they want things to go wrong for their suffering. This person may have a lot of emotional wounds, also they could feel they aren't good enough for you like "just give up on me" kinda thing🥺💔) Extra cards: Protection, True, Indecision, Slow, Trial and error (Ohh but it's true that they wanna protect and heal you guys, but they're just really confused, like they feel so slow and can't make up their mind right now!!😫💗)
Wow I didn't expect all that🤯 Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🥰❤️
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the milk emoji~🥛 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸🌹💌
Pile 3🥀
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Sign energy: North node, Learn, Locked, Good, Hard, Water, North node, 7th house, 2nd house, 1st house,🪃❤️😁🔗
👤Your person's energy: Ooh lovers energies in this pile!! OH MY this could be someone you are meant to be with💖 Signs for them are Libra, Taurus, Aries.. Venus placements! Oh also water signs. They could have a pretty voice, very clear and nice.🗣✨️ Some of my pile 3's will come in contact with this person soon, most likely a phsyical encounter soon!!🤗 This is a romantic option for you guys, you may consider this person to be the love of your life.💐 You feel very connected to this person, romantically this person may be committed to you in some way.💍🩷 This could be a twin flame/soulmate connection for some, there is a lot of love and attraction to this person.🥰 North node came out twice I just realized, so there could be a lot happening really soon or in the future with this person? Actually that's very promising, this is a very loving and sweet person.🥺💕 They could be a water rising, also may have soft skin. This could be someone who always comes back to you or always will, because they are linked to you in some way. It's like no matter what they will always be connected to you guys💗🔗😱 Definitely romantic feelings for this person, my pile 3's are in love with them omggg🥺 You could be dead set on marrying this person. Also you may be possessive over this person, like you want them to be yours only.💞 Ugh I can just feel so much love and need for this person, you guys are so soft for them😭 I also feel like some of my pile 3's are actually already in a relationship with this person, but not all. This person is very physically attractive, they could have venus on their rising too.🫢💋 People may consider them a good kisser? Lol dunno why that's coming through, they may have very kissable lips. Something about this person is heavy, they feel very grounded and calm. You may learn a lot from this person or the other way around they may learn a lot from you, I see a lot of growth in this person.🩷 Their physical appearance is coming through a lot, I feel like you guys just can't control yourselves around this person like you just wanna touch them so bad LMAO👐😭 Something is definitely going to happen soon with this person, lol there is just so much romantic energy thrown in my face with this one you guys love is written all over this person😂 You are also very excited about them, they make you all giddy and cute💗
🌹What type of lover they are with you: Lack, Risk, Rest, Emotional, Affection, 5th house, Eros, 3rd house, Pisces, 4th house,❤️‍🔥🪐🛎🕹 Ohhh pile 3 this gooood😍❤️ This person as a lover is passionate, romantic and caring. They will want to play and have fun with you, very teasing and charming🩷 The relationship is filled with love and attraction, they're the type to shower you with compliments and tell you how attractive you are to them🌹💖 They are very affectionate as your lover!! The type to embrace you lovingly and kiss you as much as you'd like🥺💋 They're such a flirt with you, but it's so genuine??😭 Like it literally comes from their heart and it just pours out of them how much they love you.❤️ Now this person may conceal these feelings or restrict themselves from affection towards you, they could feel it is immature or irresponsible to indulge in that as the please. (But they really want to😩) The beginning of the relationship might would start out very difficult for them to show their love, because they would be denying it. But as your lover this person would eventually let loose and give in to all the many desires they keep locked away because guess what, they can't control themselves with you🤪🙈❤️‍🔥 They are really a wild and passionate lover with you, so romantic it's crazy. The type to cuddle you tight and rest with you, taking naps with you aw🥺💞 But also they talk a lot with you, like they won't shut up or stop flirting with you😂 Persistent af. They also want to control you and have fun with you like you're their toy🥵 Also they enjoy teasing and playing all sorts of little games with you. They're the type to make you feel loved and comfortable then suddenly they pin you down and catch you by surprise😭🔞 I won't go into everything but they definitely are a very VERY passionate lover with you. Like they want to turn on a lot, very risky with you. But also emotionally attached to you, they are really sweet but also really naughty.😳❤️‍🔥 You guys are connected on a soul level, they get so hot with you oml. Oh my pile 3 they are really into you as a lover, also they're very entertaining and love your attention.👑 The dynamic you guys have is literally everything😭 They are a lover that would desire you, treat you so good, and spoil you. Warm hugs and hot kisses, also they would commit to you. Like they only see you omg, you are the object of their affections.😍❤️❤️❤️
💌Messages from your person: Anything please, I'll do, How do you think I feel? We're compatible, You make me nervous (Omg your person knows you two are like 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Also they're down for anything but also hella nervous about you🥺💞) Extra cards: Dominant, Catch, Orange, Fake smile, Tangled (Yeah they want to catch you and tie you up and much much more that I won't go into...!!!😭🔞)
This pile got crazy!! Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🥰❤️
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the rose petals emoji~🥀 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸🌹💌
Pile 4🍓
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Sign energy: Demeanor, View, Sight, Deep, First date, 9th house, Pisces, 11th house, Water, Eros,🛸🥳🍋😎
👤Your person's energy: You guys may view this person from social media/online, a lot of my pile 4's are not present in this person's life, they could be at a distance right now.🥲 For some of you this is an online dating thing or you could be manifesting to date this person.🙏💗 They're really cool omg, they have a unique and exotic charm about them. They could be from overseas or abroad, or have traveled a lot.✈️✨️ Some of you keep a check on this person through divinity or spiritual sources. They are knowledgeable and kind, signs in their chart could be Sagittarius, Pisces, Aquarius, and water placements.🥰💫 You have a deep admiration for this person, you may look up to them. They have a vibe about them, really unlike any other.🩷 You may have dreams of this person or that is where you see them often. This feels like someone very far away, they feel like an alien on another planet to you. That is their energy.👽🤔 Perhaps you feel very different than this person in some ways, they are mentally very attractive.💭 Some of you could be friends with this person, or they just seem like they would make a good friend. They are creative and have good ideas, you support their imagination.💡💖 This person is very fun and bright, but I'm also getting this swag about them. Eccentric and hot??😂 They just have such a fresh vibe about them, also they could have a water sign as their 9th house. Some of you watch this person from a distance like online, you may look at their page often but remain unseen.🤫 They could be a bit of a rebel, like they dyed their hair or dress different than how they were told. Something about them is just different, and you really like that about them omg🥰
🌹What type of lover they are with you: More, Doctor, Uranus, Uniqueness, Hot, 5th house, Virgo, 1st house, Mercury, 6th house, 🔚🌇🗒🏍 Lol this person's gonna get handsy with you guys- OMG so they would treat you really special, unlike anyone else.🔥 They are the type to keep wanting more more more😭😭😭 They can't get enough of you as your lover, the attractive just grows. The way they talk to you as your lover is very different than how they usually talk, like it speeds up and things get really hot🤯❤️‍🔥 They think of you a lot, also I keep getting  freaky vibes so.. uh... you know what that means😳🙊 They may want to take care of you, and mantain a healthy lifestyle in a relationship with you.🥗🩷 But also when you two are together, they feel like they can finally be themselves😇 Like they can be as weird and nonconforming as they wanna be. They feel like you won't judge them, there is a lot of communication from this person as your lover. They will talk a lot with you, the kind to talk about all sorts of random things💬😂💖 In a relationship with you, this person is witty and entertaining. Like you will never get bored with their conversations🩷 They might overthink about you though, especially if they think of something they shouldnt😳👿 I can see them writing down every detail and quirk about you they love😇 They would find you so fascinating, because to them you would make them feel not so strange. Aw they would feel so accepted by you as your lover, you heal them really.🥺💞 They are the type to touch you a lot, this could be very often😳 They could like holding hands with you, also holding your waist. For some of you I can imagine you guys start dating online first, but only some.🤳🩷👀 Also they're the type of lover that loves taking selfies of you two together😍 Also just taking photos of you in general would be their favorite hobby~ Oh and uh... filiming whatever else they find interesting😳🔞 They are the kind to tell you "you're perfect" or "you look so hot" while you're just like eating chips and watching tv lmaooo also like when you're just talking about your playlist or something they just start making out with you at the most unexpected times HELP😂🥵 Like they wouldn't even give you a warning they are an unpredictable lover to say the least, but it's hot.❤️‍🔥
💌Messages from your person: I would hurt whoever hurts you, You can't control me, You can do it, I wanna steal your kiss, You know I love you (OHH pile 4 you better knowww🥵🥵🥵) Extra cards: Inspiration, King, Sugar, Unhealthy, Waist (They have some crazy fantasy about you guys oml🔞 Didn't I say they would wanna grab your waist? Well it's here oml that energy is raging that's all I'm gonna say😭)
Okayy that was fun!! thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🥰❤️
I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the strawberry emoji~🍓 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸🌹💌
Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸
Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3
994 notes · View notes
yanderes-galore · 6 months ago
Note
I gots more, can you do Yuji (and/or Gojo) with a darling from the real world? Or like he’s self aware?
My favorite way to write self-aware show characters is to write an entity that acts just like them. Similar to an Analog Horror I've seen (Forgot the name but if you want it, I can hunt it down) So for this, that's kinda the plot I'm working with if that's okay. So like... a Creepypasta-like thing if that's fine.
So, the plot is similar to something I've done in the past for both: You buy a DVD of JJK... but something isn't quite right as you soon learn. No plot spoilers here for JJK. Purely an AU.
Feedback is appreciated as long as it's constructive! I could probably do this with other characters if I was given ideas. Both ideas start the same but begin to differ later.
Yandere Self-Aware! Yuji Itadori + Satoru Gojo
(Analog AU - An Experimental Name?)
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, "Self-Aware" yandere, Analog AU (?), Stalking, Overprotective behavior, Unrequited feelings, Delusional behavior, Kidnapping, Possessive behavior, Forced relationship.
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Yuji Itadori
Yuji Itadori is your favorite character from Jujutsu Kaisen.
There's just something about his resolve and ability to find happiness despite his situation that makes you fond of him.
It's all harmless fun for you, everyone has a favorite character after all.
Although... unlike most... it appears you've been caught in something you weren't expecting.
The DVD you bought off online didn't have the best packaging... but DVDs that aren't official tend to have bootleg packaging.
You just couldn't afford a streaming service and wanted to binge the two seasons of JJK they have out.
It seemed harmless enough, who hasn't pirated or purchased a pirated DVD at some point without knowing.
Even when you watched the DVD, everything seemed the same.
You were completely unaware of something lurking deep within.
This entity, now given the name Yuji Itadori, was awoken and given life when you used the DVD.
It could sense your fondness for the character and took the likeness of him.
Everything from appearance, personality, and mannerisms was copied as the entity took a new life.
Eventually they felt they were the character and felt every bit of fondness you had for them.
That's how "Yuji Itadori" came into being.
It's when this transfer is complete that things start to alter.
It's like the DVD opens an alternate universe, one where the events of JJK are part of their very own world.
Yuji originally believed everything was real.
This was his life... until he felt your presence.
At first he's in denial, not liking the idea of being trapped somewhere.
But then he sees you.
You are someone he can't reach, someone beyond a screen he can only look at.
While you watch the events of JJK play out on your little DVD, Yuji watches you.
It's a bit ironic, until he grows strong enough and more aware, the show character watches you just as invested as you are.
Yuji can't help but fall into a delusional sense of love and care for you.
He can't help but be excited whenever he catches glimpses of you.
His obsession is vague, as he is just now learning about his love for you.
He feels he wants to protect you, yet expresses frustration when he can only watch you from a clear barrier.
You can pick up on his self-aware behavior, things like glances, waves, and times where he says your name when other characters aren't looking.
The change is slow for him, but quick for you.
His feelings and growth continues through the episodes, the time feeling like months or years for him but hours for you.
Half way through the show you notice Yuji's behavior.
You're frightened at first, but maybe a morbid curiosity fills you?
This begins with you two properly communicating.
Certain plot points are paused or lengthened all so Yuji can speak with you.
It's so strange... like you're actually speaking to a human being.
Yuji is always very affectionate when speaking with you.
Often calling you nicknames, asking questions, and providing comfort after long days.
You see him as your little digital companion, while Yuji sees you as a lot more than that.
He's the only one aware of you, the other characters seem more like puppets to Yuji so he can play a story for you.
He likes seeing you happy and does whatever he can to make you smile.
Darker behavior manifests later as Yuji begins to realize he... isn't a big part of your life.
Through the screen he can see you have friends, family, everything.
You're the biggest part of his world, but he's the smallest part of yours.
As this DVD has supernatural capabilities (clearly), perhaps Yuji would pull you into his world once he fears he can lose you.
The next time you get to watch JJK, Yuji greets you.
"Hey! I've been preparing a surprise for you..."
Curious, you go to ask what it is...
Only to pass out.
By the time you wake up, you're not in your world anymore.
You wake up in a dorm, clearly not your room.
As you wake up, you jump back when you see Yuji kneeling beside you.
"Great! It did work!" He chirps happily, eyes closed with a smile on his face.
You go to ask what happened, only for Yuji to hold your hands.
"I brought you to my world! You mean a lot to me... plus, here I can shape this world to anything you want."
Yuji pulls you closer, closer to the point you can see a red glint in his eyes.
"I love you... and I just want to make you happy." Yuji vows, the confession innocent despite the situation.
"We'll make this our own little world."
"I want to go home!" You cry, confusing Yuji.
"Why would you ever want to leave...?"
Yuji asks, pulling you close.
"You'll be so happy here..." Yuji murmurs, eyes giving off a dull red glow.
"You won't ever want to leave... you won't ever leave me again."
From that point on, you live in an artificial world.
You and Yuji are the only ones "real" here.
Now he's the most important thing in your life, just like you are to him.
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Satoru Gojo
Satoru Gojo is your favorite character from Jujutsu Kaisen.
There's just something about his playful/cocky attitude and perhaps even his looks that makes you fond of him.
It's all harmless fun for you, everyone has a favorite character after all.
Although... unlike most... it appears you've been caught in something you weren't expecting.
The DVD you bought online didn't have the best packaging... but DVDs that aren't official tend to have bootleg packaging.
You just couldn't afford a streaming service and wanted to binge the two seasons of JJK they have out.
It seemed harmless enough, who hasn't pirated or purchased a pirated DVD at some point without knowing.
Even when you watched the DVD, everything seemed the same.
You were completely unaware of something lurking deep within.
This entity, now given the name Satoru Gojo, was awoken and given life when you used the DVD.
It could sense your fondness for the character and took the likeness of him.
Everything from appearance, personality, and mannerisms was copied as the entity took a new life.
Eventually they felt they were the character and felt every bit of fondness you had for them.
That's how "Satoru Gojo" came into being.
It's when this transfer is complete that things start to alter.
It's like the DVD opens an alternate universe, one where the events of JJK are part of their very own world.
Due to how Gojo is, he'll probably learn that his world isn't real faster than Yuji.
He'll learn that things aren't as they seem, that those around him are merely puppets for him to use.
At first he's a bit hurt... yet now he's curious.
He only gets more intrigued when he learns of your presence.
While you watch him through the screen, he watches you.
You always look so happy when he plays his part on screen, playing his role through the events of his world.
Gojo still plays along, even as he grows increasingly obsessive about you.
He just knows you two are different.
It only annoys him when he's kept from you by a clear barrier, looking at you through your TV or monitor as you watch him.
He's strong... but not strong enough to have you, it seems.
To him, it feels like his obsession has gone on for years.
For you? It feels like hours.
You're just happy to watch one of your favorite shows...
Completely unaware of your favorite character fantasizing about finally meeting you.
That is until Gojo decides enough is enough... and makes his presence known.
"Oi! Can you hear me?"
He makes contact with you by pausing events in the story and waving to the screen.
Maybe similar to the Yuji portion you're overcome with morbid curiosity more than fear.
Which leads to you feeding into Gojo's obsession by speaking with him.
Due to having his world under his control, Gojo's capable of pausing or slowing down events in the story to speak with you.
He alters things to entertain you and often speaks to you.
You end up spending more time speaking to him than watching the show normally.
You learn that Gojo is very playful with you.
He often waves, makes heart shapes with his hands, and winks at you.
He likes to say your name to mess with you and does his best to press himself closer to the screen so you can touch it.
It disturbs you that the screen is often... warm when he touches it.
Gojo's usually always playful with you until he begins to realize the truth.
He loves you, more than anything he loves you.
His little world would feel lonely without you.
His whole purpose is to entertain you, to make a good story for you and keep you company.
He lives for you.
Yet he notices you have others around you...
You have friends, family, perhaps even a lover.
He's only a little part of your life... and it upsets him greatly.
Gojo tries to hide his hurt from you as he watches you chat with others.
He wants nothing more than to have you all to himself in this little world of his...
When he grows stronger... he can.
It's ironic for Gojo to need to be "stronger".
In his world, he's the strongest.
Yet he takes time to grow more in order to have you.
He won't have to worry about your lover or anyone afterwards.
"I have something to show you~!"
His voice is in a purr when you go to speak with him again.
"Here's my gift... you know I just want to make you happy..."
You begin to feel woozy, slumping over.
"You know I just want to make you mine."
By the time you wake up, you're in a room you don't recognize.
Only for Gojo to show up with a grin.
"Yo!" He chirps, ignoring the fear in your eyes. "I did pretty good, right? You're in my world now... but I can change anything I want to make it the best for you."
He's so giddy about having you beside him.
In here, he doesn't have to worry about those close to you.
He has everything under control... and you in his arms.
"What's with the look? Come on, where's my hug?" He pouts, pulling you against him even if you struggle.
"You'll get used to it..." Gojo whispers, a kiss placed on your forehead.
"I exist to please you..." Gojo whispers, kissing your cheek.
"This is our world now... I'll never let you leave me now that I've got you."
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harmoonix · 2 years ago
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✨New Era Astrology Notes✨
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Pluto - Ascendant aspects: (Both harsh and positive aspects) have a very mesmerizing aura, they radiate some Dark Queen/King vibes and everyone knows these natives have the most beautiful eyes
Mars in Earth Signs gives BOSS energy and mostly that "I'm my own Boss energy" kinda like they don't need no one to tell them what to do.
Neptune - Ascendant aspects: They look very ethereal, refinement at its finest. Neptunians are the gorgeous in the night sky. They can also make a lot of people to look after them. These natives like Pluto - Asc aspects can have very pretty eyes 😍
Mars - Ascendant aspects: These people look very intimidating, they are hot and they know it 💅🏼. Very powerful personality and can get angry kinda fast 😭. Usually a lot of natives with those aspects tend to be calm but sometimes they cannot hold the angryness. They can have very beautiful lips
Pluto - Moon aspects: Have powerful souls indeed, these natives can feel when they are lied to and have a great intuition when it comes about lying and betraying. 💋
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Mercury in 2nd/3rd house can be motivational speakers and these people words can touch you deep. They know how to express directly and make the conversations very interesting
Mercury in 8th house: Passion for talking about taboo things, they have deep and sensual voices. Sensuality in their blood, can create bounding while communicating and expressing their words in love 😍
Having 8°, 10°, 20°, 22° degrees in your ascendant can make you very intimidating and powerful. Tend to attract people who are very interested in you in all ways possible
Having 6°, 12°, 18°, 24° degrees in your ascendant can make you charming and in a way "dreamy" (Virgo and Pisces Degrees) these natives tend to have very pretty hair and face features. Also they look great in the sun's light
Having 5°, 11°. 17°, 23° degrees in your ascendant can make you look very attractive, these people usually get in the spotlight very fast due to their very pretty image. Trendsetters, can often find people copying them.
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Mars 1st house natives look 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 they are very very very hotttt 😍 and omg they can have a lot of crushes. Good bones and face features, men with this placement to be the hottest in the room while women with this placement tend to attract people very fast
Earth Risings/Earth Venus have one of the best fashion styles ever, they really know how to get dressed good and Earth Venus might also give you some points of how to dress good. They are very elegant and gentle
Fire Risings/Fire Venus love to make people to laugh, i swear they are this type of people when you feel bad they come at you and tell you funny things to make your day better. They also have great humour and good jokes. And they are one of the most energetic and optimistic people i ever met
Pluto in the 1st house: makes you to be very intimidating in other eyes and kinda misterious and you tend to attract people who are very curious about life.
Uranus in the 1st house: You like to be different and have your own unique things, you probably are very different than the rest of your family, people might be attracted to you because of your uniqueness
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Lilith - Sun aspects: Hypnotic eyes, seriously their eyes are full of mystery, kinda remebers me of "The things you can see but you can't feel" vibe
Lilith - Ascendant: Might give you the impression they are very dark and MISTERIOUS people, those aspects make the native to have a very magnetic aura and tend to attract people who want to use them (be careful at people who want you only for the way you look)
Lilith - Pluto aspects: You know they have a very powerful energy when they enter in the room, can be secretive and mysterious and also make people to wonder more about them. Though making them dirty is gonna cost you
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Aphrodite [1388] - Venus aspects: Being in love with love, can be very romantic and gentle and veryyyy charming
Aphrodite [1388] - Mercury Aspects: They have very beautiful calming voices ever, tend to like singing and to sing (In harsh aspects they can have a very deep and sensual voice, but very mesmerizing)
Aphrodite [1388] - Pluto aspects: Find power in love, and destroy the ones who hurt you. Tend to attract a lot of people because your powerful aura and your appearance (Harsh aspects might be more intense)
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Sooo Today is 23:03;2023 😍😍 is one of the best days of our year, Pluto enters in Aquarius today for almost 20 years and of course is a new era. Everything will be very interesting the next years
Make sure to use your sidereal/vedic chart if you feel like you don't reasonate. Hope you like such type of new era posts they are very interesting to make 😍.
I wish you all very good Pluto in Aquarius years, full of good and nice experiences in your life. Pluto brings changes in the house you have Pluto in 💋
Harmoonix 💋
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celestie0 · 6 days ago
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hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)
i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now
although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.
i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense
as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.
anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.
sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.
anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!
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actiniumwrites · 4 months ago
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knots
synopsis: lyney has been head over heels in love with you since the two of you were only ten years old. the only problem? you're friends with lynette and not him. so he spends the next 8-9 years pining over you with seemingly unrequited feelings
characters: lyney x gn!reader
wc: 2.1k
warnings: angst to fluff, misunderstandings, happy ending, best friend's brother trope, an insane amount of obliviousness and pining, idiots to lovers pretty much, the ending is kinda rushed
disclaimer: i know character ages in genshin are a rather controversial topic of discourse within the community. i personally think of lyney and lynette to be around 18-19 years old and i do mention age in this fic as it follows a bit of a timeline. if this somehow bothers you, please just don't read or try to start an argument over it in my comments
notes: THIS IS SO CUTE IM SOBBING 🤧 i did throw in a lot of angst though i'm so sorry but i saw the opportunity and took it. the end is fluffy (and kind of rushed sorry) though‼️ the title is also inspired by lacy by olivia rodrigo as i think it's very fitting for this fic. thank you for the request! (this is my third time posting this cause the first time it didn't show up in the tags)
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Lyney was jealous as a kid. It was hard not for him to be when him and Lynette were first introduced to you and you had barely even acknowledged him. He was only ten at the time, but he was so excited to make new friends outside of the House of the Hearth that he was stunned when you had only really talked to Lynette. You had only ever offered him a small wave and a smile to go along with it before running off with Lynette.
It wasn’t fair in his eyes. He was the one more interested in you anyway, not her. She had merely tagged along because he forced her too. Now here she was stealing his potential friends.
You’d clicked instantly with her. Both of you were more on the quiet and shy side, contrasting Lyney’s sunny and outgoing personality. You both liked the same foods, the same clothing, the same everything. Lyney wanted to share those with you too, but it was hard when his tastes differed from yours and you didn’t seem to pay much interest in him anyway.
And growing up, he’d always been around. You’d hang out with all of them, don’t get it twisted. It wasn’t like you’d ever told him he couldn’t spend time with you guys. In fact, you often spent a lot of time together. You were sweet. You loved helping them with their magic tricks, even though they normally failed since you were all thirteen by the time they really began taking it seriously. You’d pretend to be shocked when they guessed your card, despite knowing exactly how the trick worked. You’d be on standby when they performed more dangerous tricks. Hell, you were even an assistant for them nearly eighty-percent of the time.
Lyney was grateful for it all, but he still couldn’t shake the ever growing crush on you he’d developed three years ago when you first met. He wanted you to be closer with him more than his sister. It was selfish, he was well aware of that, but he was the one with a crush. Not Lynette.
Lyney was the one to pick you up and put a bandaid on your knees when you fell at the playground. Lyney was the one to always share his snacks with you, even when you usually said no. Lyney was the one to always sit next to you when you were feeling a little down and let his knee rest quietly against yours, hoping you wouldn’t pull yours away. Lyney was the one who was in love with you by the time you all turned 18.
When the fateful performance happened and they were revealed to be Fatui to the general public, he was sure you’d leave them for good. You had obviously known they were Fatui, but you didn’t know of the extent to which they acted, the crimes they had committed. In your eyes, they were only in training, because that was all they had told you. As close as you were to them, they could never let you know the full details. It was against the rules.
Lyney was so sure you’d up and leave that it was the second time he had ever truly felt anxiety in his life — his sister being taken was the first, but here you were making him feel that horrible pounding in his chest all over again. He was so sure that the ache in his chest would have to make room for more than just jealousy, but grief among heartbreak. That you’d look at them in fear and never speak to them ever again. That he’d never get to profess his love to you.
You proved him wrong, and rather unexpectedly so. You’d shown up to every second of their trial and helped the traveler out as best you could to exonerate them. You’d stuck by their side through it all and made sure they were alright. He was so surprised you almost made him cry.
When they were freed from it all and the crisis was solved, you’d only hugged Lynette and Freminet. That was the part that stung the most. But at this age, Lyney was too nervous around you. How could he not be? You were so pretty and sweet and kind that he didn’t know what to do, especially when he was confused as to where he stood with you. You were all of those things and more with everyone. Everyone but him.
So he pulls away.
He doesn’t want to. God, he’s so in love with you he doesn’t want to ever spend a second away from you, but you never reciprocate any of it. So perhaps, he decides one day, it’d be best to just move on and focus on other things. Lynette could have you to herself and he’d find someone else, no matter how much he wanted you the most.
And you hate it, because well, you’re confused. Which sounds unfair, and in some ways it is, but Lyney was a special light in your life that you couldn’t get too close to. Not because you didn’t want to. No. Of course not. He didn’t realize that you were too scared to. You were so different that you shied away from him, despite feeling all the same toward him. He was like the sun and if you got too close to him, you were scared he’d burn you.
Lynette pushed you toward him regularly. You never seemed to escape her late night gossip sessions where she told you all about how her brother was practically drooling over how good you looked or how sweet you were. You found it endearing while she found it disgusting. Despite it all, though, you had confided in her about your crush on him as well, but how terrified you were to try to actually approach him. She almost slapped you right then and there.
Lynette thinks you’re both stupid. And she’s right. Because now you’re both stuck in a huge misunderstanding. Lyney thinks you hate him and you think he hates you. Could anyone really blame her for being so annoyed?
“You need to talk to him,” she finally breaks one day, about to pass out in her chair from her social energy running out just from hearing about the entire situation nonstop for the past week. You stare at her mortified as she gives you an unimpressed stare.
You nearly choke on the drink you were sipping on just a moment ago, catching a few passerby’s attention as you do, “Why do I have to be the one to say something?! He’s the one that started avoiding me!”
“Are you dense?”
“No?”
She stares at you for a long minute and sighs.
“You’re both idiots. He likes you. You like him. You were too shy to say anything and now he’s decided to move on,” she explains, unimpressed. Did you really not see it after all these years?
“Move on? What?” you place your hands on the table in front of you, panic swimming in your eyes. It all hits you so fast you feel your heart practically about to burst out of your chest.
“I have to go, sorry!” you jump out of your chair, yelling a string of apologies from behind you as you run from the cafe.
It takes you an hour to find him after your conversation with Lynette ends abruptly. Freminet was nice enough to let you know Lyney had gone down to the outskirts of the main city to work on some magic tools by the beach. It was just an excuse to get away. All three of you knew it, but Lyney wasn’t the type to say how he truly feels in fear of being a bad leader.
You wished he had said something sooner. Though perhaps you should’ve been the one to take notice long ago that his advances were more than just friendly.
You suddenly feel regret build up in your stomach at the way you treated him all these years. You were so afraid of your feelings you sabotaged yourself in the process and unknowingly hurt him too.
You find him sitting in the sand, legs crossed as he quietly fiddles with a few parts for some magic props.
“Mind if I sit?” you practically whisper from beside him. Lyney doesn’t even look at you. It’s cold and and unlike him and must be exactly how you looked all these years. He nods anyway.
You watch the waves crash in front of you. Over and over again as they grow closer with the deepening hours of the night. The stars reflect gently upon each and every one of them yet you can’t get yourself to focus on them.
You fidget with a small flower in your hands. It was tucked away gently in your pocket, the petals sticking out to prevent it from getting crushed. It’s a vibrant pink and even with its petals closed for the night, it still looks beautiful in your hand. It reminds you of all the times Lyney had dropped the very same ones at your doorstep or somehow tucked away on a piece of your clothing without you noticing. You hadn’t bothered to look into the meaning back then. You never knew rainbow roses were a declaration of love.
Lyney still sits quietly next to you, now messing with the hat he had taken off when you arrived. His lavender eyes avoid yours, but you don’t hesitate to drop the flower gently into his hands.
“I never knew the meaning of these,” you turn to him and say softly. Your eyes match your voice and he knows you’re telling the truth, even if he doesn’t want to believe it. When he doesn’t move to touch it, nor get rid of it, you speak again, “It’s uh…it’s for you. I picked it on the way here. I thought you’d maybe like it.”
He finally picks it up and turns toward you, a mixture of emotions pooling in his eyes. You see the anger, the fear, the pain, and the love all at once. You wish you had seen it all sooner.
“Why are you giving this to me?” Lyney asks quietly. It comes off a little colder than he’d like, you see it in the way he winces after. You only stare at him with a sad, but hopeful look in your eyes. You couldn’t take back the past, but perhaps you could change the future.
Quietly, you take it from him and tuck it above his ear. He’d done the same to you one time, only it was part of a show and you thought it was just for the act. Oh how oblivious you were back then. “You know what it means to give someone one of these. Lyney, I…I never meant to push you away all these years. I was just scared because I liked you, and Lynette was easier to get closer to than face my feelings for you. Even if we were just ten years old. It was immature and for that, I’m sorry.”
It’s quiet for a moment before his face brightens a bit, “Do you really mean it? You’ve really liked me all these years? Or are you just saying all this to make me feel better?”
You nod, confirming your words and he breaks out into laughter. A sound you’ve dearly missed. Sadness doesn’t suit Lyney.
“Can I…?” He says scooting closer to you, eyes glancing in between yours before falling to your lips. You nod, a small laugh escaping you as you lean in to meet him half way.
Lyney’s lips are soft against yours as he kisses you eagerly. You reciprocate the feeling, matching his pace until you both pull apart out of breath. You laugh nervously standing up and extending a hand, “Wanna go home?”
Lyney jumps up, his hand in yours and nods. He interlaces his fingers with yours tightly, not letting you go after all these missed out years.
When you return to the House of the Hearth, Lyney turns and places one last kiss to your lips. It’s short and sweet and lets you know that he’ll definitely be seeing you tomorrow. You turn and walk away after, wishing him a goodnight as you do. But before you can walk away completely and turns and shouts, “7 PM tomorrow at the Hotel Debourd! I’ll pick you up!”
Lynette appears behind him suddenly, rolling her eyes and waving to you before shutting the door on her twin, “You’re hopeless, brother.”
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directdogman · 3 months ago
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Hi, I hope you're having a decent day! I'm sorry if this is an invasive set of questions - feel free not to answer - but do you still actively like DSaF as your own creation, or is it more of a "it was fun while it lasted but i outgrew it and it's for the best to leave it behind" kind of project? Do you ever regret making the games? If you knew they would get so popular, is there anything you would have changed about them? Is there anywhere I could read more of your writing.
It fluctuates a bit. These last couple of years, I've really just been sorta nostalgic for it. I've seen a lot of people discuss those games being a source of comfort during bad times in their lives, people talking about how much the characters mean to them and it's hard not to smile when you see that.
It's a funny thing for close friends of yours to see people WITH fanmade DSaF merch out in the wild, or to watch a random youtube video and being hit with a DSaF reference outta nowhere. It happens from time to time, even today. On a few occasions, I've even had a person reference my work to me in real life and not realize who they were talking to, believe it or not. It's really fun to play dumb and get someone to explain your work to you like you don't know what it is.
I certainly didn't think any of that would happen when I first made the series, or even during development. I think the normal assumption would be to look at DSaF as it exists now and assume its release was a peak for it, but believe it or not, the official discord only had 30 people in it shortly before 3 dropped! The archive listing of the series (reposted to a single page after the series ended) is now sitting at over 1.1 MILLION downloads.
People kinda assume the true heyday of something is when it's new, when it's fresh and novel. For instance, some people look back at when FNaF itself was new and see that time as its peak because it had a lot of internet cultural relevance as big new indie thing on the block. But, raw numbers don't lie. The series has been continually growing since its conception and that growth has similarly bled over to its fan projects. This explains why DSaF, despite not having a new series release in almost 6 years, seems to be inexplicably growing.
Just recently, I saw someone post footage of a scene from DSaF 2 on Twitter, which got over 16k likes. People praised its writing and largely celebrated the scene. The ironic thing about that particular scene is that I remembered being unsure if it was good or not, so I showed it off in one of the FNaF community hubs. The response was broadly lukewarm to negative. Now, it's held up as one of the best scenes in those games. That's kind of the point I'm trying to make, my thoughts on the series have certainly changed with everyone's else with years of hindsight.
Heh. I'm not sure if I've talked about this in a long time, but y'know, the very first scene I implemented in-game was actually the very first Phone Guy scene in DSaF 1, more or less exactly how it appears in-game today. This was before I'd even written the bulk of the game. I was pretty unfamiliar with visual novels as a whole, pretty unsure if something like this would be palatable to a fandom that was really just used to sit 'n' survive stuff that were far more gameplay than text. I mean, there wasn't any FNaF fangames really LIKE DSaF before that point. Closest was FNaFb, a jokey turn based RPG made in the same engine.
The engine I made the game in is also not exactly fit for VNs out of the box either, and I wasn't 100% sure the idea would actually work. But, the very first time I added the image of the prize corner, Phone Guy, the audio of that iconic cheesy stock track and booted up a test screen, I had a little moment where I said "Oh. I think I'm onto something interesting here." I kinda remembering instantly realizing in that single moment how much potential the idea had. Over 8 years later, I still remember that moment like it was yesterday.
I think lately, that's the sort of stuff I think of when I see people coming to me and asking about the series. Yes, it's really rough around the edges, yes, there's jokes that've aged poorly. But, it is a source of comfort for people and entertains tens of thousands of people each month. And that's gotta count for something, right?
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loveforneteyam · 2 years ago
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Hello! I would like to request for Neteyam x reader angst-to-fluff headcanons for how he would react if his s/o flinched during an argument, please and thank you!
❝flinch❞ ( neteyam suli )
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summary: even in the heat of an argument, neteyam wouldn't dare to hurt you, so it breaks his heart when you think otherwise. pairing: neteyam x omaticaya!reader wordcount: 782 contains: some angst! fighting/arguments, neteyam's kinda mean note: my first request and first fic! this idea is so good!this is so perfect for our favorite boy. i'm not the best at headcanons, i hope this is good...thank you for your request!
ma syulang : my flower ma txe'lan : my heart
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You and Neteyam don't easily argue. Every relationship has a few up's and down's, but you have always been able to calmly work through it. You know just how to calm him down if he's ever stressed or flustered with his duties as the future olo'eyktan, and he knows just how to soothe your nerves.
So when you have your first real, emotional argument, it's completely unexpected.
Neteyam had an exhausting day that consisted of keeping Lo'ak in check, making sure that Tuk wasn't running off into the forest again, and following any other orders that his father gave. Most of the time, Neteyam could compose himself until he'd join you in bed at night and you would hold him through whatever was bothering him.
However, this particular night, Neteyam returned to your shared tent in silence. You could see the frustration in his eyes, so you immediately ran to console him. "What is wrong, ma 'Teyam?"
"Nothing, ma syulang." He was lying and you could tell. He practically threw his bow onto its stand. You rested your hands on his shoulders. "Please, it has been a long day."
"Let me help you," you cooed, pulling him to a seat. He sat down and you began to pluck the colorful feathers from his braids. You'd collected newer, cleaner ones earlier that day. "Is it your father?"
"It is not just him, (y/n)," he sounded annoyed with you and you couldn't tell why. What had you done to bother him in the few minutes he'd been home? "I just want to go to sleep."
You pressed a kiss to his temple. "I found new feathers today, ma txe'lan. Let me remove these and then we may rest."
He huffed out a harsh sigh that felt like a cut in your heart. Your hands stopped their movements; your eyes softened. "Neteyam...have I done something wrong?"
The only thing that was wrong was that Neteyam felt like all of his responsibilities during the day were piling up on top of him. Although he loved to spend time with you more than anything else, it felt suffocating to be insistently questioned when all he wanted was to fall asleep with you in his arms.
Unfortunately, he didn't communicate it that way. "Ma (y/n)," his voice was unusually deep and agitated. "I want to be left alone."
Alone? This was completely foreign to you. Neteyam had never wanted to be alone before. "What did I do?" Your voice almost cracked as tears collected in your eyes.
"You have been irritating me this whole time!" He shot up from his seat, causing you to stumble onto your bottom, knocking over the small bowl of feathers that you collected. "When I come home, I just want to spend time with you...I do not want to be bothered!"
Neteyam had never raised his voice at you like this. When he turned towards you, you closed your eyes and flinched your head to the side. His heart broke.
It was silent for a few moments. Your eyes remained shut until you noticed that Neteyam could barely breathe. When you looked to him, his lips parted with small, panicked breaths. "Ma syulang..." he began, falling to his knees and moving closer to you.
"I'm sorry," you muttered, trying to ignore the tears that were now evidently running down your cheeks.
He shook his head while you tried to hurriedly collect the feathers in the bowl again. "Oh, (y/n)," his hand gently grabbed yours. You would not meet his eyes. "I would never hurt you. I am sorry."
"'S alright, Neteyam."
Neteyam pulled you to him and cupped your face with his hand, gently rubbing the tears away. "You've done nothing wrong. I should never raise my voice like that with you, I'm so sorry, ma (y/n)." You leaned into his hand and wrapped your arms around him to pull him closer to your frame. He embraced you, holding your head to his chest. "Please, don't cry, I would never hurt you. I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me?"
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teaboot · 5 months ago
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hi. there's something i've been wondering and you give good advice so i thought to ask you. there's a lgbt community center near my work that i want to visit, but i'm aro ace and their website makes no mention of asexuality or aromantism, the center is called 'the LGBTI+ Center' with no A in sight. i'm kind of terrified of going there and being told to my face that ace and aro aren't sexualities and that i don't belong here, and i don't know how to ask 'hey do you believe ace or aro people are queer too?' ... any advice 😥 ? thank you!!
Honestly as far as popular recognition goes AroAce identities are still pretty new for a lot of folks- I'd say it's fully possible that people there just aren't aware of them yet, but if you do choose to heck it out and they're willing to reject you for being the wrong kind of queer then frankly you'll know who to avoid at the very least.
But also IRL queer communities are typically NOT like the internet experience- enough real actual people who have been told to their faces that they aren't actually whatever they are know not to be dicks about things they don't get, and those who haven't figured that out either glom together into a sad little crank pile or get weeded out of social events for being goddamn miserable to be around.
In my experience most groups like that are pretty chill but idk prepare for the worst and hope for the best is usually a safe go-to- bring a friend, if you can! (Though I'd say inclusion of the "+" in there is a pretty good green flag- it kinda acknowledges that there are more real queer identities than would otherwise fit on a sign, right?)
Also idk, I figure I might be aroace myself maybe but we haven't figured that one out yet
Def a valid ID tho no question there 👌
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educatedsimps · 4 months ago
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Ahh I'm so in love with the idea of timeskip!Kenma as a dad 🥺 You've really made me even more in love with your blog 😘 Can I please request timeskip!Kenma x fem reader where he introduces our son to his followers on his stream? Baby Kodzuken ❤️ I'd love it if his followers were a gushing in the comments about how cute the baby is and how happy Kenma is when he talks about his baby boy and us (his wife)? I love Kenma and the thought of him as a dad is just the cutest to me. Thank you so much! Take care 🫶🏻
≪ back to fics masterlist
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kozume kenma x f!reader
a/n: OH MY GODSHKKAFYSYVUDNGUSYRGUKSYKS THIS IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST IDEA EVERRR OMG thanku for requesting my dear kenma anon ❤️ i'm so sorry this took WAY longer to publish than expected so THANK YOU for having the patience of an angel 😭 i really hope this was worth the wait so pls enjoy! lots of love and u take care too <33
cw: TIMESKIP SPOILERS, parenting au, domestic fluff, slice of life kinda thing, chat gg crazy bc kenma is an amazing dad. GREEN FLAG DAD KENMA
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"Hey guys, welcome back. I've got a very special announcement to make today, so here we are," Kenma adjusted his camera, smiling slightly.
It was a regular Tuesday evening and you were taking the time to do some self-care, which left Kenma with his second favourite thing in the world - his son.
As a YouTuber, professional gamer, stock trader, streamer and CEO of his own company, Kenma's work schedule was extremely flexible, and both of you were grateful for that. Not only did he have various sources of income, but he could be home as much as he wanted. And being home meant being able to spend time with his precious son, Kozume Kaito.
Kaito was your six month old bundle of joy - literally. If you had told Kenma a decade ago that he'd be a dad one day, he would have never believed you. Until, that is, you had Kaito.
Even before Kaito's birth, Kenma had no idea how he was supposed to take care of and raise a whole child. He just knew that he wanted to be the best father you and Kaito could've ever asked for. And so, you saw how stressed he could got about even the tiniest of things.
"What size clothes do we buy for him? Will S or M be better? What if he's a huge baby? Let's just get one of each size... Wait, what about pacifiers? A-and bottle hoods? What shape will he prefer? Longer ones? Shorter ones? Softer or slightly tougher ones? Ugh forget it, we'll get one of each type too."
However, all his worries disappeared the moment he held little baby Kaito in his arms. Kenma had never really been a crier, but the second he laid eyes on your beautiful son, he couldn't help but let it all out in the hospital ward.
"Can you guys see me clearly?" Kenma asked. The excited responses of "YESSS" "what's the surprise??" "OMG YOU'RE SO PRETTY" "yes i can see your handsome face" confirmed that his camera was indeed working just fine. Amused, he chuckled lightly. "Great. I'll be right back."
As he left the frame, his viewers were left staring at the background screen in his office, a big logo of Bouncing Ball Corp. After a few seconds of silence, some shuffling could be heard as Kenma returned with a chubby ball of energy in his arms. The moment he stepped back into frame with his beloved son in hand, the chat exploded.
kodzukenner: NO WAY IS THAT YOUR BABY??? riceballzzz: CUTIEEEEEEEEE AHHHH nek0mab1tch: omg he has a kid ?? ADORABLE miyamiya07: hawajhjchdjvhhfjhfrsjkhfdhasjhjchjfhjvhkrh lookattheclouds: since when?! vballer1208: HE HAS A CHILD??????????????
Kenma proudly held up his son like he had won an Olympic trophy - he simply adored Kaito. Meanwhile, Kaito watched, enamoured, as comments flooded the chat. Among those comments were also questions about Kaito and even you.
He knew the news of his son would be a major surprise to his online community, especially since the two of you had very successfully hidden your pregnancy from the public. Neither of you wanted to deal with all the pressure from netizens, media and the public.
"'He has Y/n's smile'," Kenma read one comment aloud. Chuckling, he agreed, "He does, doesn't he? He's lucky to inherit the most beautiful smile on earth."
Another comment asked where you were, and when Kenma simply replied with "Doing her own stuff." some commenters gushed about how cute it was that Kenma was on "babysitting duties".
With a scrunch of his face, Kenma retorted, "It's not babysitting. He's literally my child. Y/n's just doing her own stuff, what's the big deal? Come on, y'all gotta delete those gender role stereotypes from your heads, that's so 1950s." He huffed.
"'What's his name?'" Kenma read. "Hm. Y/n and I have actually decided not to reveal his name, so we hope you'll respect our decision."
kodzukenner: omg i wonder what his name is he's so cute i'm sure his name is as cute as him! nek0mab1tch: what if they named him kodzuken bouncingballer: baby kodzuken HAHA miyamiya07: OMG BABY KODZUKEN ??
Kenma chuckled as he read the comments guessing his child's name.
"'Is he joining today's stream?'" Kenma read aloud. Turning to his son with a gentle smile on his face, he replied, "You bet. Aren'tcha, big guy?"
In response, Kaito burst into a fit of giggles, excitedly babbling and pointing at the big screen in front of him.
The comments once again exploded into cheers of happiness as Kenma sat down in his usual gaming position, but this time, with his beloved son in his lap.
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a/n: i'm so sorry this is really short 😭😭 but i hope it's okay :,) tysm for requestingg! hope you liked it bae <3
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© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarise any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!
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mybelovedwoo · 1 year ago
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Yeosang as boyfriend plsss
hey, thank you so much for your request <3 i hope you'll like it!!
kang yeosang as your boyfriend - headcanon
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headcanon, romance, fluff, smut
gn!reader x bf!atz
wc. ~0.7k
an: i'm just so soft for this man TTTT
you can request headcanons if you want to!! if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3
masterlist
-literally the sweetest, most gentle boyfriend ever, takes your relationship really seriously but is also just such a goofball, your best friend
-would laugh with him 24/7, so many jokes and fun with him, makes you laugh so hard that your stomach would hurt
-we all know he can't ask for kisses or hugs, so you have to initiate them all the time, but it's his favorite thing
-he likes back hugs, but he's more on the receiving side, just loves it when you cling to him, he just wants to stay like that forever if he could
-he loves it when you compliment his muscles, he feels so proud and would always shows them off for you, it motivates him to work out even more
-would immediately notice when something changes on you, like your hair or you bought some new clothes, "wow, y/n, you look really great" 
-you are the type of couple that relies on each other all the time, when you go somewhere together there's not a second you leave the other alone 
-he would do the most random things, like propose to you (as a joke) with a gummy ring or "take you out on the fanciest a date" where you all dress up, but it's actually on your balcony with takeouts and wine
-he always says what's in his mind, so you never have to wonder what's in his head, communication is really key in your relationship, but sometimes you wish he wouldn't say everything out loud
-although it can be difficult to express his emotions through words, so instead he would show them through actions, his love language is definitely acts of service
-he gives you everything you desire, more than you need actually, treats you like a princess really, gives little gifts, tries to cook for you (but fails every time), gives you massage 
-literally no jealousy or possessiveness in your relationship (at least what you know about), he trusts you with all his heart and he expects the same from you
-he wants to spend every spare time with you, he can't be far away from you for too long
-he'll literally do anything just to get your affection (but ask for it TT), he likes to entertain you, that's why he often brings you with him to the gym, he doesn't want you to get bored of him
-calls you cute nicknames, like sweetie, cutie or bub, also your contact name is bub, it's the most used one of all of them
-kisses with him are just so soft, he caresses your hair or cheeks and you would melt into his touch
-would run to you, asking for rescue when his members are teasing him, you are his safe place and knows you would help him out
-once he accidentally used your shampoo instead of his, now it has become a habit of his and only uses your products
-dating yeosang would mean arguing with woosan 24/7 about whose yeosang really is
nsfw +18!!!
-he is a switch, depending on the mood and the day he has, but literally always the sweetest when it comes to such a vulnerable state
-he doesn't really care about the pleasure part, but the emotions that comes with it, he likes to be close to you and the excitement that comes within
-it is kinda part of your routine now, maybe not every day but really often ends the day naked,  in each other's arms
-that's why the morning often starts with an intimate shower together
-yess, he is the vanilla type of guy, with traditional positions, where you can just hug each other real close
-something that would be a no no is anything really wild and out of his comfort zone, he is more like the traditional type of guy as i said, and seeing you in pain or hurt is also a big turn off
-lots of kisses and little "i love you" during sex
-not very vocal other than that, just lots of breath and groan
-could be very shy about it, so probably wouldn't do it when his members are around, or at least would be very careful and very quiet
-cockwarming is a must for him once in a while, he likes to be connected with you and being warmed by the love of his life
-he collapses after, he would be very worn out, but still makes sure to hold you close to him, he falls asleep almost immediately 
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