#i'm in emotional pain but someone may as well enjoy it so here you go ig
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empty inside
#vent art#wasn't sure which blog to post this on so eh :/#4 am things#hal strider#i'm in emotional pain but someone may as well enjoy it so here you go ig#not shitty dirks#because yknow#not shitty#nor a dirk#technically.#just me#i really really wish i didn't need sleep#because i am experiencing the mental illness but i'm pretty sure it's just sleep deprivation's fault#delete later
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Could you do a snippet for yandere platonic Batfam where reader accidentally gets hurt and is able to hide it for a few days until someone (May be Dick?) finds it and asks / gets upset about it? Love your writing!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Hi there!!!
First of all: Thank you sweetie!
It's been a while since I've written, mostly because of the university, I'm about to graduate and I'm crazy because I'm approaching my final exams (I even have to defend my research work to be able to get my bachelor's degree)!
But, I got to thinking a bit about what you have written above… and even more so because I myself am a little bit crashed after my last film shoot for my final year of my degree. And can I just say that being in a bad way and having to hide it is terrible.
So… here goes!
(I'm sorry if I sound a bit comical in this writing, but I think the best way to get over something is to laugh at yourself a bit so you don't think about the pain too much; I hope you enjoy it anyway.)
Disclaimer: I don't know if you've noticed, but English is not my native/mother tongue. Occasionally, when I think too much, I write them in my language and then translate it in a trusted translator. So, if there's a grammatical problem or a strange term, it's the translator's fault.
Let's face it… having a large family is terribly exhausting.
It's never quiet enough, everyone is in everyone else's business, you can't leave your favorite mermelade in the fridge for less than a day. Someone is always occupying the bathroom or using your favorite shampoo or watching something on TV at too much volume and someone is probably occupying your bed at nap time.
Did I mention about meddling too much in other people's business? Yes? Well… triple it.
Having multiple siblings was new.
Having multiple siblings, a father and a butler/grandfather isn't exactly bread and butter either.
It wouldn't be so bad to belong to a large and numerous one if it was your blood family and you had lived with them all your life. I mean, sometimes blood is too thick and you have no choice but to learn to love them or just be nice to each other.
Like I said, it wouldn't be so bad if they were really your family.
But the Waynes were not your family. Not distant relatives or anything like that.
You were just living your life, as quietly as possible… and poof!
New room, new butler/grandfather, pets beyond belief, 4 new male siblings and a father with serious emotional constipation issues. And, to add more salt to your wound…. all have serious abandonment issues and death-related trauma.
After several escape attempts, sleep strikes, hunger strikes and any other kind of protest that an anarchist could be proud of… you realized that it was simply impossible to get out of this without risking the path of death.
Which, to top it all off, was also unreliable because apparently your older brother Jason had revived as well as another of your siblings. So no, dying was also not a viable option to which one could resort in the worst case scenario.
What to do?
Well, not much. Trying not to die of suffocation of affection or finding a way to have privacy while going to the bathroom just seemed to be the best survival tools you could resort to.
What does that entail?
It implies that Tim was going to give you hours and hours of lectures on his latest discovery of a case, even if you don't understand half the things he's told you or mentioned at all.
Richard and Damian trying to teach you new tricks almost every second, taking you to the Zoo or not leaving you alone to go to the bathroom.
That Jason, oh holy cow he is the only one more relaxed, takes you with him on his motorcycle to eat ice cream and to the public library. Without being able to scape, because it seems that you have a kind of GPS inserted in the bone marrow.
(Sometimes you don't know if it's true or not, but sometimes you also felt pain between your bones, almost during the cold seasons, and you didn't want to burst your poor little head thinking of different viable possibilities knowing them. No scars, no remembering anythins about any surgery).
Have a grandfather who will not hesitate to make you cookies, your favorite foods whenever you want … without leaving you aside at any time.
Plus a terribly quiet father, who if he can will carry you for as long as you spend time together, won't let you near the secret basement and enjoys being in the same room with you.
Do you see any privacy in this?
No, because even at the bathroom door would be the pets trying to get in and see you for themselves while you want to do your business.
The worst of that? Titus always judge you when you close the curtains.
As I mentioned and it was clear: Having a large family implies little privacy… Having a large, obsessive family means NO privacy.
So, knowing that you have over 50 nanochips tracking in all your clothes, two security monitors embedded - God knows how - in your body (monitors that only tell you if you are in designated safe place), 20 high definition surveillance cameras in every room and a Great Dane chasing you like a chick …. How the heck do you fall down the stairs and hit your pelvic bone without anyone noticing?
No kidding, how?
And if you had to blame someone for your fall… you'd totally blame Damian for it.
It's not that the kid pushed you down the stairs, but over time he had tamed himself into various things and relaxed into looking his age. You know!!! He started acting like a normal teenager!
What do Damian's kids do at his age? Well, they leave things lying around and have messing around them when they can, of course they do!
You just wanted some yogurt with orange marmalade. Maybe some oatmeal cookies. Alfred had left it for you in the fridge when he noticed you'd been watching video tutorials on homemade marmalade for hours. Who were you to deny such a gesture of generosity?
I mean, Alfred was the one who allowed you to hide in the attic for hours on end so you could have some time to yourself.
And how did it end? You, slipping down the main stairs of the old Wayne mansion, down a nicely polished wooden staircase, rolling all the way down (which is no small flight of stairs, it should be noted) to the bottom of the first floor.
Now, lying on the ground is not so bad in itself. What is bad is not being able to feel your legs and still not being able to understand how you manage to tidy up your neural wiring so that your legs can still move on their own and go to the kitchen to rescue all the delicacies Alfred left you in time.
And it's a good thing you managed to do it… because within seconds Bart had rushed in to ransack the fridge and the fruit basket.
But that's not the point.
The important thing is that this time you managed, I insist a little on the feat of action, to climb up to your room and not notice how you couldn't really feel your legs.
You ate, you lay down… and to your bad or good luck, you couldn't get up …. and without anyone noticing there was an emergency and everyone went out to sort it out.
Weak limbs, limited movement and you don't want to mention the embarrassing actions you did in order to go to the toilet.
It's not like you hid it either, I mean, there was no one who could even notice because they weren't entirely available to watch you. Nor is it that you would have run away, otherwise they would have been at your side in less than a second.
The detail, as they insist, is that you had probably bruised your back badly and your body was now taxing you extra for your food craving.
I insist, you did not hide anything.
But still, when you're found completely itchy on the floor, ridiculously trying to run away in the direction of the bathroom… that's when everyone really goes crazy.
First, having to carry you and not dying of embarrassment when you notice that Bruce definitely doesn't give a damn about having to carry you to the bathroom and do almost everything for you.
Or having Dick and Jason carry you and fit you into some kind of weird medical scanner they have in the cave.
Or that Tim keeps track of your periods, types of meds you take and, for fuck's sake, knows how the fuck to inject something into your spine.
Or that Damian had the gall to look a little embarrassed when he heard that a pair of boxers lying outside the laundry basket was to blame for all this.
NO matter.
At the end of the day they heal you, pamper you, leave you alone when you need to take a nap and figure out a way to fix it without looking like complete maniacs who built some kind of internal plumbing that sucks up the dirty laundry and throws it straight into the washing machine.
Like the time they didn't look like maniacs by sanding all the edges of the tables and nightstands.
Or the time they bought a whole brand of sanitary towels when they realised that not all women use tampons.
Don't worry, they're looking out for you… even if they look like deranged Arkhan freaks in the process.
#batman#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#batfam#tim drake#batboys#batfamily fic#yandere male#yandere batman#yandere batfam#yandere#tw yandere#red hood#yandere batfamily#yandere batboys#yandere batfam x reader#yandere dick grayson#yandere damian wayne#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere bruce wayne
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FIC RECS
Ok so someone in my asks box asked me for some fic recommendations and I tried to add some gradually but my asks have been so weird recently so I've had to make a new post for them!
First of all ty anonnie you words were really sweet, I hope you stay healthy too!
Also just to preface I will list sfw and nsfw recs so pls if you are a minor, do not explore the nsfw recommendations, these blogs will most likely have a mdni statement so pls respect that and don't go against that :)
Now, enjoy!
SFW
Enough for you - @mixtape-racha (poly ot8 angst comfort)
We love an angst comfort fic and this is one of my faves. Take caution reading this one and read the content warnings at the top just in case! But this one is simply amazing and I wish I wrote it the end.
The Field Trip - @dreamescapeswriting (Seungmin X reader)
Seungmin and reader are teachers in this and if you follow me you may have seen me reblog this one before bc I love it and want this, also this blog has so many imagines you will be fed for days
Warm blankets - @jiniret-writings (3 parts, hurt comfort poly ot8 x reader)
I felt so emotionally invested in this story when I read it, like I felt readers pain 😭 gorgeous
jack-in-the-box -@junicai (angst, ninth member reader)
Set in kingdom. We hate mnet. Skz are very protective and reader gets the comfort she deserves in the end, love this sm!
@hyunjinsbelovedamericano - lots of headcanons and reaction type fics on their MASTERLIST, give it a look!!
Simptober 2023 - @skz-streamer
Fluff for days!!! pookie rly worked hard on this one so go and show some love because you've got so much to read here
Skz text aus - @channiesbakery
These are so so funny I cannot cope. Also explore the other fluff posts too bc they're really cute!
More text aus - @diddybok
Same goes for this blog too, explore their other stuff!
@hannahhbahng has some rly cute fluffy reads on their masterlist
@hanjiquokkaaa check out their skz reactions! My pookie slays every time
Skz fluff fics - @wooahaes
So much fluff to pick from! I fall in love every time!
Warm milk and honey - @horanghoe (poly skz x reader)
One of my fav skz comfort fics of all time, it's so so good, recommending again bc I should
In his arms, unexpectedly yours - @cheesemonky (Hyunjin x reader series)
This is a new series which I'm excited to see my pookie write !!!
@astraysimp for dad skz!!!
Nicholas Ross - @dean-a-mean-tae (skz ninth member male oc)
Love their ninth member writings so definitely check it out if you're looking for male!oc who is the ninth!
In my past, I find you and in the future, I still have you - @yangbbokari (Chan x reader)
Heartbreaking, like so angsty but it's gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous
Princess treatment with SKZ - @j-oneproduces
Each individual member x reader has a drabble and I love it so so much, very accurate imo
@skzoologist read their imagines on their ninth member oc Bae! They also have a fic called unfamiliarity using the same oc :)
I like the view - @mirisss (hybrid ot8 skz X reader)
I rly need to reread this one because I loved what I read so far on it!!!
NSFW
Rabbit hybrid reader - @authorofdanger (hybrid skz x hybrid reader)
I've linked a masterlist, I'd recommend the fic dominance and then the first few fics which are to do with reader as a rabbit hybrid! slight warning that woojin is mentioned
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Red Moon - @lixiepeach (omegaverse series)
this is one of the first skz omegaverse fics I read and it is done so beautifully, as it says in the description of the series, it deals with more adult content than just smut, and the way it is explored is written so well, couldn't recommend highly enough!
Inked Petals and Message Tones - @leviackermanscleaningbuddy (poly smau with real life)
this is an ao3 skz fic which changed my life. I can't explain how much I love this, it had me on an emotional rollercoaster fr fr like it's amazing!
n.h.i.e mini series - @hyungszn (smut ot8 x reader)
damn this one really has me on my toes like the chapters are chefs kiss and it's such a good read!
Bold - @hyunsvngs (American footballer minsung x reader)
Wow wow wee wow. This one made my brain go brrr and evaporate and melt and wow the storyline in it is so so good too. Juno rly has such a good relationship with anonnies and moots and it's so lovely to see. A jupiter stan right here!!
Sanguis Limerence - @jl-micasea-fics (vampire skz x reader)
This is one of the first series I was fully committed to reading on this all and constantly checking. It's insanely amazing, I can't put it into words and now I wanna read it all back again 😭
waiting for us - @kkami-writes (smau poly ot8 X reader)
I'm in love with this!!! Perhaps my fav skz smau like the character development as well is really nice to see and it's an easy read if you find it easier to read it in text messages form
Anger management - @2chopsticks2eyes (minsung x reader)
This is so hot and the way the storyline progresses as well is beautiful
@1-800-shedevil I'm in awe of her and her blog. Gorgeous writer, gorgeous writing. Her posts about body positivity rly are so helpful and her words are so comforting
Sharing = caring - @cbini (ot8 X reader)
This is unbelievably good and if you haven't seen it yet? Do you even Tumblr? Love how ems has such a good relationship with moots and in answering asks too! cbinian for life
Better than revenge - @lixie-phoria (smau Jeongin x reader)
I'm so obsessed with this series so far, putting it here bc there's smut to be added in the future. But I'm in love with it so far wow!!!
#stray kids#skz#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#skz fluff#skz angst#straykids imagines#stray kids fluff#stray kids imagines#skz fic#skz smut#stray kids smau#stray kids smut#poly skz#skz poly#straykids ninth member#skz ninth member#stray kids ninth#stray kids ninth member
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how to speed up the connection with your future spouse
Hi, this would be a sample of what my paid readings are like and how I intend to do the readings on Patreon as well. I gave a lot of myself to this special edition, I hope you enjoy it.
pile 1 has slightly delicate subjects, so be careful when reading, I'm not very good with words and I end up being too direct. I'm sorry for anything.
everything about my paid readings and personal spells
pile 1
Right at the beginning I feel a bad energy, it even gave me back pain, you are hurting yourself a lot, it could even be physically, I'm sorry for saying this but I believe it is necessary to remove all the veils so that I can do a good drawing for you, continuing… you are hurting yourself and punishing yourself and this has been happening for a while now, it is painful and very painful, it is as if you think you deserve to go through this, you cultivate many bad habits with yourself, someone may have put this in your head or has harmed you too, I advise you to take a herbal bath, cleanse your energy spiritually, you are stuck in a painful situation, and you need to free yourself from it, I also see that you need to create greater responsibility, love It's something really beautiful, but keep your feet on the ground, evaluate people well, create greater maturity to manage your feelings and emotions, that's what you're asked to do, you have the key to your solutions, like that at the beginning, I'll be back to say again: you need to end a cycle. I know this is very difficult, it is something that requires a lot of patience and dedication and sometimes we are so exhausted that we feel like we won't make it, but you will. we will. You need to end this toxic cycle that you created with yourself, you need to do this so that true love finds you. Soon after you manage to complete this cycle, in less than two years, or even a year, you will find who you deserve. you can communicate over the internet first, some online contact, there is a vintage vibe between you, you can also like to communicate by letters, for many, I feel like it is a man, or someone with strong masculine energy, possibly, it is a foreigner, it can being from a different city or even a different country, with different habits, you may meet on a trip, or your future spouse may end up passing through the place where you live, it is a love that will teach you a lot, especially to mature your ideas and maybe even teach you some things about life, I won't deny it, there may be barriers in sight, it's not clear what it will be, but there will be some obstacles, it's as if the universe wanted to put you and your love to test so that they can be together, it could be a difference of ideas, geographically, someone in the family is opposed… things like that, but you love each other, and you have both gone through a healing process, this person went through it before, you more recently, but they are both fine, I see a bright future, very beautiful and full of joy, you waking up with a smile on your face seeing your love by your side, something like that.
Pile 2
I see you in a very happy moment, maybe you are even in a relationship with someone, I'm a little confused, unlike the other pile, this one presents excellent images at the beginning, it can also be a confirmation that your manifestation and prayers to find your true love are flowing, you can even meet in dreams and not know it, something that tells me that this connection is already activated in some way. It's beautiful, for some of you, I feel like you're older, or you have an old soul, you've been through a lot in your lives, true warriors, I'm impressed with the commitment you have to life and to you. A very beautiful and revolutionary healing happened here, or will happen very soon, I see you achieving emotional, spiritual peace, in other words, it is as if you became your best friend who is always in the stands cheering for you. I see many prosperous fruits, you can achieve a great career, some dream of being a mother or father here, I see you achieving this, you can have 2 to 4 children, I see you building a beautiful house and living with your love, what can I say? You look great, you can live in the countryside, because you want silence. you can make a lot of plans, you can move somewhere, or I see that some are living far away from their parents and after marriage they will move closer to them, your passion will make you feel a huge impulse, like seeing old friendships again, Going to places where you went as a child, with this euphoria you may end up doing things that are a little questionable, be careful with that, but even so I see the purest success here, you are learning very well to defend yourself and that is good, in the beginning The print run made it seem like you already know your future spouse, and I see that this feeling is because for some, it's an ex. you are undergoing immense progress and evolution, your future spouse is too, you are on the same level in everything, it's like it's something mirrored, there's nothing I can say, I think, just that you keep doing whatever you're doing, it's just a matter of time.
#tarot reading#divination#witchy things#pick a pile#tarot deck#pick a pile reading#pick a card#pick a card reading#free tarot#tarot cards#pick a deck#pick a picture#pick a photo#pick a reading#oracle cards#paypal#paid readings#paid tarot
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Arguments ✨
Summary; It's Friday and you have the worst headache in the world, To make your day even worse you and Eddie get into an argument, and Eddie snaps telling you to leave Hellfire.
When the headache overwhelms you and Eddie finds out he is anxious to see you.
Warnings; Angst, fluff. Kinda mean Eddie? Jealous Eddie, minors dni
I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.
❤️✨
❤️✨🌸
You were having the worst day, on top of a bad headache, you had had an argument with Eddie.
When you were sick, you could get irritated or emotional quite easily, Eddie had made some remark about one of Jason's friends Matt who kept staring at you.
"Why does that asshole keep staring at you? It's fucking weird" Your head snaps up and you frown. There was already tension between the two of you because you tried out for the cheer squad and made it.
"Didn't realize it was so weird that someone finds me attractive" you reply wounded.
He pauses and shakes his head.
"I didn't mean it like that sweetheart?" he assures you and you raise an eyebrow.
"Well, how did you mean it? It's weird that someone may find me cute?" he shakes his head.
"You're putting words in my mouth. I just mean that it's those assholes, they are doing it to piss off Hellfire, jocks, cheerleaders, they join up to the dark side and they are all the same"
This wounds you, does he think you're like that?
"No not all of us. Some of the jocks are nice, and Chrissy is a sweetheart. Do you think I'm like that?" he looks frustrated now.
"Is there much point in me saying anything else sweetheart because you'll literally just take everything I say the wrong way"
Gareth jumps into the conversation and you massage your head which is so sore that it nearly brings tears to your eyes.
"Calm down you two, things are getting heated here and they don't need to be" Eddie angrily folds his arms across his chest and glares at Gareth.
"I'm not the one who started it" you huff and get up having enough of Eddie.
"Fine blame me, when you're the one who made stupid remarks" you fume at him and Dustin looks worried.
"Where are you going? We're discussing tonights campaign" your mood softens as you look at Dustin, he was a sweet kid.
"Sorry Dustybun, think I'll skip tonight" It's not like you'd feel welcome anyway. Eddie scowls.
"You miss tonight and you're out" There are angry protests to Eddie's ultimatum and your stomach drops at his cold gaze.
"Fine" you snap and storm away. You don't cry until you're well away from the cafeteria.
💕
Gym. Just to make things worse for your head you now need to compete in dodgeball.
Usually you enjoyed the game but after your argument with Eddie you just wanted to curl up at home in bed and ignore the world for a little while.
But you couldn't, you had cheer practice, no Hellfire though so you could go home straight after but it wouldn't stop you from missing everyone.
Eddie must have skipped gym because you don't see him anywhere, you try to focus on the game and not the argument the two of you had.
It's made even harder by how dizzy you feel as you're running around and it's almost a relief when two balls hit you so you're out of the game.
Except one hits you on you're already sore head and the pain is so intense, you cry out and the dizziness overwhelms you and you faint.
💕💕
"Back off everyone, give her some air" you wake up to a few classmates staring down on you.
Chrissy is beside you looking as worried as your gym teacher Mr Bennett.
Nurse Watts comes in and checks you over when you tell her about your raging headache and dizziness.
"Sounds a lot like a headcold honey, you need to go straight home and rest"
"I have cheer practice I can't go home" you say anxiously to the nurse and Chrissy squeezes your hand.
"As your cheer captain, I order you to go home and rest up" This relaxes you a little bit and a few of your classmates help you up including a worried Jeff.
"I'll be fine, can you drive me home, please Jeff? Eddie usually does after Hellfire but...
Well, with the two of you not talking that wouldn't be happening, nods and motions you to follow him to his car as he takes you home.
He hangs around for a little bit and it's a relief to have someone with you. However, Hellfire is soon close to starting so you tell him to go.
Once Jeff leaves after making sure you are okay you get a big glass of water, some pain meds then change into your comfiest clothes and cuddle up in bed.
💕💕
Jeff races into the drama room ten minutes after Hellfire starts and Eddie is already grumpy after his argument with you.
"Now after that interruption let us finally begin the campaign kay?" he announces and the others nod excited but occasionally glancing at your empty seat.
It feels strange without you here, Eddie feels it too and the ache in his chest since the fight the two of you had.
Jeff is trying to think of a way to mention what happened at gym but decides to say it after the session ends.
It's Mike who ends up saying about it as they are finishing up.
"Did you hear that yn fainted in gym class today?" Eddie's head snaps up and his stomach drops, he was doing a deal during class then setting up Hellfire with some of the guys.
Why didn't he hear about this sooner? Jeff speaks up.
"I was trying to tell you that dude, the ball hit her on the head and she fainted. Said she's been feeling shitty all day" Jeff trials off at Eddie's livid.
All that Eddie can think about now is getting to you, making sure you're alright.
Fuck, the argument. You meant more to Eddie than some disagreement. More than anyone else knew.
He let you see sides of him no one else had, sides he kept hidden away.
"Shit, I have to see her. Sheeples do me a favour and clean up yeah?" he races out as quickly as he can and into his van, anxious to see you.
💕💕
A light tapping on your window wakes you up around nine-ish, you've slept for hours but still feel sore.
Eddie is at your window and you get up gingerly, wincing at your achy muscles.
"What are you doing here?" you ask not wanting a repeat of earlier.
"I heard what happened. Wanted to see if you were okay, to apologise"your eyes widen.
"You did?" he nods and helps you back into bed.
"Look, I'm not apologising for hating the jocks, maybe some of the cheerleaders as they can be just as bad. I'll never apologise for despising Jason and his goons but not all of the dark side is bad. You aren't"
"You mean a lot to me you know that princess, I've opened up to you in ways I haven't opened up to anyone. You mean so fucking much to me and it's not weird Matt was staring at you because you're amazing and beautiful. I was jealous"
Knowing how difficult this is for him, letting his emotions out like this softens you.
"So you don't want me out of Hellfire then?" he shakes his head.
"No, I don't. You're the one person in this shitty town who I never want to lose" your hands entwine with his.
"I'm not going anywhere, Eddie" he smiles, all dimples.
"I think the cheerleading thing is pretty cool you know? Might have to attend a game to see you in action" This makes you giggle as he mimics the cheerleading.
"Unless you would prefer that Matt douche cheering for you" he fake smiles and you sigh, god he really doesn't see it does he.
"Edward Munson, I don't want Matt at all" he tentaively strokes your cheek.
"You're my girl sweetheart, I can't stand the thought of you with that dickhead or anyone"
"Ditto", it's pretty much how you feel for Eddie. He moves closer to you, his eyes yearning, a vulnerability there as he lets his walls down.
"Kiss me" you urge gently and he doesn't need to be told twice as his lips meet yours.
You were his girl, his heart. You had been for a while and you always would be.
💕
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson#mean eddie
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Reader asks Husk about his ideal date. (~1300 words)
"My ideal date, huh? The one where i win all your money in poker." He laughs, and smiles at you firmly, his eyes pierce at you warmly, like he was looking at nostalgic show, on old, thick tv screen, in worst quality possible. "Bring me cards, hun, i shall do a little," he waves palms happily, "magic! Watch future, how good your chances are." He laughs purringly. Then his smile and cheerful look dissolves. He's never like this for long. "But if you don't plan it... Honestly, i'm not really used to dates. I'm not interested in flowers and fancy dinners, i saw enough of them. I am a man of simple pleasures. I have booze here, why don't just stay where we are?" he tilts his head a little, with catlike grace and elegance, expecting you to nod. And then you both hear something heavy, loudly falling on the floor, and a lot of swears and arguing. His ears press on his head from the sudden noise.
"Well. That's why. We may go somewhere." He sights, annoyed. Husk is frowning, looking in almost empty bottle, like lines of light and reflections on emerald glass will say something his drunk brain stubbornly refuses. He tries very hard to think it out, but he got solid brain fog.
"How about... Well..." he is really lost in his own thoughts. You can almost see how his neurons try to reach one another, but fail miserably, and pain gently swipes them away. "How about... About..."
No. Date isn't a game, it's when you entertained enough being with someone. Not a game. You did games everyday, Husk, what make date unique if it just another playful robbery? Date is not another gambling game, loss of big money and property. Especially not of someone who you like. Maybe you can both play and share loss, or win, playing together and not against each other... But against anyone else? Hm. Would be nice to offer it later, if he won't forget.
He hasn't had any sugarcoated romantic fantasies in a long time, and his brain rejected him creating some now, when he got someone interesting enough. The most interesting thing was just looking at your confused, annoyed face, and just any negative emotion. He felt better sometimes, seeing unhappy faces, when he is himself aren't happy at all about where it all ended for him. Husk hunched over the table, puzzled. Looks like he completely zoned out.
Most of all, he enjoys spending time together, calmly, not in a fight. Table games where he can bluff and laugh at someone's bad strategies and skill, or hand motorics. Magic tricks and spectacular shows. Gently massages and some cuddling. Sleeping and resting, doing nothing. He doesn't like very pricy places, or sports. He isn't most complex person, so it's quite a mystery for him why you would have interest in alcoholic with ludomania who likes to mock you lovingly, or insult. It's kinda easy when he presented with people insecurities every day, every year, when they can't shut up about it, and any anecdotes happening. He could write dissertation about it.
"Cheap, and funny." He chuckled, as your face becomes a little disappointed. "What? Not the answer you wanted?" He smiled, a bit smug. He enjoys your confusion, and how you try to think of questions to to clarify exactly what he wants, when you know that he won't reply long, he mostly gives you very vague answers that tells nothing at most.
"Let me tell you a thing, boo... Planning perfect dates is the most useless thing to do. Life is always unpredictable, chaotic, troubled and hard in hell. Situations always change, your mood, your tastes, you never the same person as day, or hour ago. You never know. If you hunt perfection, perfect place, perfect person, perfect reaction, day and time, you will end up miserable. And... You can try small things and be happy with surprises from this chaotic universe we live in, being constantly amazed how bad you are at fortune-telling!" He spreads his arms with enthusiasm, and then puts them down, waving one. He takes an indifferent sip of alcohol. "Or whatever. I don't care." He for a moment forgets what he wanted to add. Seems like he forgets that you're here too, too entertained with looking at same bottles, as if he was in an elite art gallery. His head migraine felt as if brain is expanding like the universe, right in his skull, and it is about to crack, while he won't be able to say anything intelligible or catch a coherent thought. He needs time to frown. You just look at him, wanting to stroke him. He looks so soft and fluffy, but you can't tell a moment you can do it.
"There isn't such a thing i would call a 'perfect date'. But there is 'it wasn't so bad as i expected'." he says before another long pause. He is clearly thinking hard, trying to scratch words off the walls of the skull, that hit him with an electric shock for any touch. His body was sometimes a real prison, making him worse person, who can really, really never leave for long.
"There may be all things i can enjoy to a point of addiction, but i would just act as grumpy ass until you take me there, waving booze, fists, threats, and i would know how enjoyable this is only after." He smiles and cackles, a bit annoyed and a bit self-ironic. He knows his brain and mood tricks pretty well, but believes he don't really need or can change a thing. He hates it, but he wouldn't wish to be anyone else. "It all seem too boring, overrated, overpriced and annoying to me when i think about it. I can find all reasons to not go anywhere and not move at all. Im in the point of life where it's really hard to find joy and eagerly seek things. You know?" He shrugs. "Go on, i don't mind, if you can bear with me constantly rejecting anything im not used to, and being grumpy old growler. It may at some point end as perfect date i would be sad to forget." He looks at you, like he doesn't really believe it, but willing to let you try. It doesn't matter to him, he will suffer each way in same amount, you wouldn't make it much worse than Alastor. " ...Or not. Who the hell knows. Maybe you will have patience to make some use of such boring, forever grudging and mean demon. Im not the best choice, and it will only make you pathetic to try make impossible work." You smile, finally out of confusion. He just invited you to annoy him, how sweet. You bend over to him and hold out your hand. He doesn't understand your gesture, so he just hand you some heavy bottle of some sweet, sparkling tonic for cocktails. You move the bottle to the table, and you put your hand on his. It suprised him, but he smiled at this micro-miscommunication, and places other hand over your. Old cats are playful too. And no cat will reject some good, pricy food and quiet place to see all things, not just hear behind the bar table. "Well, you are the strongest creative source of new things in my life for now." He smiles faintly. Maybe he was completely sarcastic. "So, take care of yourself. I can't appreciate you most times, but it would be loss for all hell. And i think you didn't drink in a while, so you need some liquid more than hold my hand, dumdum." He gets his hand out of your warm touch, and moves the bottle almost in your face. "Or shall I shake it for you?" He laughs. Husk believes you totally can use some foam of wrath in your face too.
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I could really use a little support from the disabled/chronically ill community right now. Basically my ability to walk is affected because I have some kind of neurological issue which I'll find out more about on Tuesday.
I have a lot of pain and weakness in all my extremities, but my legs are more severely affected. I use one or two forearm crutches, depending on the distance. In the past few months, long distances have become impossible. Sometimes even medium distance leave me unable to be present or enjoy myself because it's so difficult and painful just to hold my body up. So things like browsing a larger store, going to the mall, or going to an event are just not possible.
I've been considering getting a wheelchair for part-time use, and will be asking my doctor about it at my appointment. I think it would be good for me. I have a lot of fatigue as well, so I can usually only do one "event" per day before being too tired (going to an appointment for example). Some days I can't even do that.
I've been just openly mentioning it to my family, because people are always like "imprisoned by a wheelchair!!? D:" and I'm just not doing all that. I am not going to "come out" about getting a wheelchair, that's dumb.
I started to talk to my mom about it tonight, and my mom is NOT good at hard conversations. She tends to get mean, cold, and avoidant. It's not that she doesn't care, it's that she cares so much she cannot tolerate even facing the idea of something difficult or upsetting having to do with her children. She's a great mom- she is not great at emotional intelligence.
Anyway, she was super combative about it, and here's the short form with my responses:
"You can just get a cheap transport chair so someone can push you around when you get tired." - I am not happy with having to rely on someone else pushing me around, I need to be able to do it independently.
"Nobody walks to their trunk and gets their own wheelchair out of the back." - Yes actually, tons of people do. It's called being an ambulatory wheelchair user.
"You don't need to go through getting measured or talking to a specialist, you won't be using it long term." - I may not be using it all the time, but I will be using it "long term" as in over many years. Having an improperly fitting wheelchair can hurt you. (Then argument about how they're way too expensive and I don't need "all that", meaning a good quality chair.)
"I don't want you to make yourself worse." - Well mom, I actually will be continuing to exercise regularly to make sure I keep my strength. (Believe it or not, I do not want to be unable to walk at 26 years old.)
I'm really upset about it because I really wanted her support in this. I am already 26 years old and suddenly disabled, the least I deserve is to have some freedom and independence. Again, I don't know what my diagnosis is yet so there's still a chance I won't need a wheelchair, but I'm trying to prepare. Maybe I'm being dumb about this, idk.
#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronic pain#disabled#disability#chronic fatigue#autoimmine disease#ambulatory wheelchair user#personal#support needed
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(re)starting over again | kth; 10
plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.
words | 4.3k+
genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au
pairing | taehyung x reader
warning/s | -
note | oh my god. hi, everyone! i'm still alive haha i apologize for the *long* delay. may wasn't my month 🙃 but now, i'm here and I split this chapter, so expect a 10.5. this is A LOT OF ANGST. no fluff for now. just full-on gloomy. also, i'll be replying to everyone who sent their asks soon! tysm for sending 'em. again, i apologize for the delay! enjoy reading :)
main masterlist | series masterlist
Someone’s a little gloomy today.
The sound of echoing thunder woke you up today, along with the rings of your alarm in your phone. 5:15 AM. You groaned as the brightness from your phone’s screen hit your vision. After five more minutes of just staring at the most uninteresting wall in your room, you get up from your bed to prepare for work.
Unsurprisingly, your head feels heavy and so is your chest and eyes. Every step of your bare foot on the ground strangely felt like you were floating into space. The weather is cozy and cold, but you didn’t even flinch when the cold water hits your skin. You stood under the shower, the heater not even on, just staring at your feet.
I mean, he could have told me.
The sentence popped into your head. There is this part of you that is in between the scale of angry and sad after knowing about Lily visiting the bakeshop and talking to Taehyung. You wondered if Taehyung even had planned on telling you or if he don’t think he should have told you. You are starting to think he was only friendlier with you these past few days because he learned what happened between him and Lily. You’re beginning to think that he is only nicer to you now after bad their relationship went.
But did he even owe me that? I’m basically a stranger to him.
Another idea, opposite the other one, crossed your mind. You always try to be understanding and put yourself in his shoes in this confusing situation. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t really have any idea who you are always staying in the back of your head. It’s always there as a reminder that Taehyung doesn’t know you. And his not telling you that he met up with his ex-girlfriend days ago confirmed that you are probably someone in the background for him. Someone… who suddenly lives in this house with him.
And thanks to that confirmation, more questions were formed by your brain.
You shut your eyes close and turned your head up, feeling the waterdrops on your face. Sighing, “Who even am I here?”
Taehyung, what am I even to you here?
The question floats in Taehyung’s head over and over again. The pain and confusion in your voice also play on a loop, adding weight to his shoulders and thorns in his throat. He wished he could answer that question easily, but he can’t. Seeing someone who treated him with care and kindness break down in front of him because of him is a slap on his face.
Because Lily is your girlfriend… right?
More guilt built up in him when he learned that you were aware that he still initially saw Lily as his girlfriend after he woke from the accident. It surprised him to hear you say that you cannot be mad with that. When you said that, he almost instantly wanted you to be angry at him, to let out every emotion you were feeling at the time.
Because you are too considerate and kind… and patient with him and this situation you’ve been put into. You didn’t even have to stay; you could’ve just left him the moment the doctor told you about his amnesia and all. But you stayed… and even looked after him for a whole month. Looking back at everything now, he knew. He should have just told you.
He thought you would be mad at him for reaching out to an ex. He didn’t know how you would react if he asked about Lily. He didn’t know you and he admit that was his fault. He has been working on knowing you these past few days, but now after last night, it felt too late. He should have made an effort earlier than this. As much as he hates it, Taehyung’s list of should haves is getting longer.
Now, a tray of chocolate chip cookies bakes in this oven you two have in your kitchen. He decided to make some after having trouble sleeping. He was shifting and turning on his bed for hours, possibly because of two causes: his head injury and you. Earlier, you were talking about how much you’ve been craving cookies. He knows that his cookies cannot resolve what’s going on right now, but he hoped that they will make you feel better. Even a little.
Taehyung managed to sleep for a couple of hours but still woke up later two hours past midnight. He quietly prepares and bakes the ingredients for the cookies. He was quick as it was the easiest pastry he can make. By the time he was putting the tray in the oven, he heard grumbles of thunder.
Should I put it in the jar? Or…
Almost thirty minutes past three, Taehyung yawned as he waited for the cookies to cool down before he stores them. He looked around your kitchen. In these quiet moments, he is finally starting to notice some details in some corners of this place. Particularly, the kitchen. He wondered if he picked the color of the walls or what to put in it when you two bought the house. His curiosity begins to grow about what you built together throughout your four-year relationship.
He wondered how great everything was before he lost his memories of the last five years.
You were supposed to leave at six o clock. But you didn’t realize how much you took your time with your thoughts that you ended up leaving twenty minutes late than your plan. Rushing to leave, you didn’t bother for breakfast and ran straight to the front door in your scrubs and jacket with backpack and umbrella in hand. If you still have time to spare when you arrive at the hospital, you’ll just buy something in its cafeteria.
As you get off the bus, you speed-walk to the hospital. You were too in a hurry to recognize who greeted you along the way, but you just greeted them back anyway. By the time you reached the locker room, you were catching your breath with less than ten minutes left to prepare for your shift.
Thank God, Jisoo’s not here. You sighed when you looked at yourself in front of the small mirror in your locker. Your eyes… were puffy. It’s not that bad. But everyone who will look directly at your eyes would tell the difference. You hoped no one else would notice.
“Good morning!”
Your eyebrows raised. Julia’s jolly greeting filled the quiet room when she entered. A couple of nurses who were also there greeted her back while you hid behind your locker door, trying to think of a quick remedy or even an explanation for your eyes. Because next to Jisoo, Julia is your closest friend here. She started working here two years ago. Her kind and sociable nature made her a friend to everyone. You three immediately went friends during a mutual graveyard shift schedule.
“Hey, YN. Good morning.” she opened her locker, which was next to yours.
You gulped, “Good morning, Ju.”
After one last look in the mirror, you closed the door. Julia was busy organizing her things in the locker, while she continues speaking.
“Jisoo’s already on break for her wedding, right?” she asked, still not giving you a glance.
“Ah, yes. For only one week though.” You replied, trying to act normal. You don’t know if you should go or wait for her to time in since you two usually do—with Jisoo if your shift schedule match up.
“You know, my dress for the weekend is still in the— Oh, what happened?”
In a quick glance, she immediately spotted a certain emotion on your face. Concern was written all over her face as she stopped and faced you.
“W-What?” you chuckled awkwardly, looking away.
“Why did you cry? What’s going on?” she asked softly, still worried. “Are you okay?”
Oh, that question. You don’t know what the hell that question has, it always breaks you down. You bit your lower lip as you looked back at Julia. You tried to hold on to the strings that were putting you together.
You sighed shakingly, “Yeah.”
A small, sad smile formed on her lips, “You sure?”
You feel like if you try to say anything again, it will just turn into a sob. So, you just nod. Unexpectedly, she reached out her arms and hugged you. Julia knew something was wrong. Well, she can definitely read through your eyes and the simple quirk of your lips that you probably don’t know you do whenever you’re bothered or tired. She can even feel the weight you’ve been carrying in an embrace.
“How about let’s go out together later? After this shift?” she offered.
“Sure.” You agreed, washing down any effort to put a useless mask on your emotions.
The cookies that he left on the kitchen counter for you were left untouched. He left it in a Tupperware, something that can fit in your backpack, along with a small post-it, written: cookies u can bring @ your shift today :)
He likes to think that the Tupperware probably went unnoticed by you instead of thinking that you ignored it. But what if you did? The idea of you being mad at him scares him.
“I swear, whoever will eat those cupcakes would choke on rainbow sprinkles.” Jimin entered the kitchen when Taehyung was just spacing out. He hung his coat behind the door and put on his apron. “What’s up?”
“Hmm?”
Jimin went on, “I arrived twenty minutes late and you already made two batches of blueberry cupcakes, one tray of snickerdoodles, and a lot of banana bread. What’s going on?”
Taehyung stared at him for a second, having battles in his head if he should tell his best friend about what happened. Jimin didn’t fail to remind him about telling you about Lily. And if he learns how you reacted last night—Oh, just sucked it up. Taehyung exhaled.
“YN learned about Lily.”
Jimin raised an eyebrow, “You told her?”
“She found through Lily herself,” Taehyung replied and he can read the confusion on his friend’s face.
“Huh?”
Taehyung went on telling how you and Lily introduced yourselves, how you introduced yourself as his friend, how Lily shared that she visited the bakeshop just last week, and how you remained quiet and bottled up with emotions until you two went home.
“She was so upset, she didn’t want to talk about it,” Taehyung recalled. “But she just broke down and she is still so nice in the middle of telling me how she feels. She told me that she cannot be mad at me for meeting up with Lily or for everything else. Because she understands. She always understands and I’m sure she is a wonderful person– but… But I really didn’t just give us a chance. She reminded me that we also happened after asking me who is she in this whole thing.”
He paused, remembering almost every word you said to him last night. He was too busy chasing what happened five years ago that he ignored someone and something important in his present time.
“Then, who is she to you?” his best friend asked.
“I… I don’t know.” Taehyung sighed, unsure. “But she’s not a stranger. Calling her a stranger would be an insult. I know she’s much more than that.”
There was a few seconds of silence. Taehyung looked down, resting his hands on his working table. Jimin just pats his shoulder for comfort. He knew saying things like I told you so or anything close to that is just useless. Taehyung already knew what he had done, he don’t need more reminders that he probably fucked up.
“Well, you need to figure that out.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know anymore, Ju.”
You wiped off the tears on your cheek as you confessed. Finally, after a whole day shift at the hospital, you get to open up to someone. As soon as you two left the hospital and changed into your casual clothes, Julia drove you two to her apartment since you don’t really feel like going anywhere. She ordered pizza and non-alcoholic drinks, which were delivered just minutes after you two arrived there.
No time was wasted. She didn’t even have to ask again for you to open up. For the last forty minutes, you’ve been telling whatever you feel like sharing to your friend. It did take off some weight on your chest as she listened and nods.
“I mean, I know that he’s just trying to know what happened between him and his ex. But I cannot understand why he didn’t tell me… Or maybe ask me about it. I know something about it. He told me how they broke up years ago. He told me what went wrong. Just like how I shared experiences with my past relationships too. And that’s how it used to be.” You reached for another tissue Julia offered. “We used to tell each other everything. Communication and honesty always mattered to him.”
“And it would have been nice if he let me know about his plans on talking with Lily. It’s perfectly fine by me. But he didn’t and now I’m starting to feel that he sees me as nothing. Just a person around him, who lives in the same house as him—or worse, he sees me as someone who just looks after him… like his nurse.”
The last thought squeezed your heart out. Taehyung even had a hard time introducing you yesterday to Lily. You took the initiative to introduce yourself to his ex as his friend. You don’t know what to feel about it. Should you be mad or sad? But can you blame him? You can never blame Taehyung. You always try to understand what he went through with that accident and what he is going through now. But as much as you hate to admit it…
“I feel like I’m burning out. I’m fucking drained.”
Another tear rolled down your cheeks while you shake your head. Saying that sentence felt like a confession of a crime. You don’t know why. You didn’t follow with another sentence again. Julia gave you a glass of water to help you calm down.
“You can take a break too, you know?” she whispered as you gulped in the liquid down your throat. “You can pause…”
Julia was gentle with her tone and choice of words.
“I think, you've already done enough. You took a month's leave to take care of Taehyung, to at least help him adjust to these big changes happen. You waited for him to ask about you or your relationship, which he did– Well, he tried. You are great. You were nothing caring and understanding for him and your relationship.” She paused and held your hand, preparing you for what she is about to say. “But he… he just has his eyes on people he knew before you.”
You almost hissed with the harsh sentiment of your friend. It felt like someone pulled the band-aid off your fresh, unhealed wound. But still, it felt like you needed to hear that. Julia, on the other hand, saw you flinch and held your palm tighter.
She continued, “The Taehyung you met before the accident is different from the Taehyung you live together now. As you said, five years ago, he went through a breakup with his ex. That breakup may have caused changes in him that made him into the Taehyung you initially met.”
It’s complicated. But you get what she is trying to say. A lot of things happened in Taehyung’s life before you two crossed paths. He broke up with Lily, and his bakery began to hit success and invest in other stuff in his life. A lot of other changes happened. Then, you two met through mutual friends.
“And please, YN, let yourself feel things.” Julia spoke suddenly, making you meet her gaze, “It’s unhealthy. Be sad, be mad, or be happy. Or simply take a break if you feel like it. Don’t deny yourself of feeling anything. You can be mad.” She said it like a reminder. “You have every right to feel so. I know you’re trying to justify Taehyung reaching out to an ex behind your back as part of this knotty situation. But at least, out of respect to you, he should have at least told you before or after he did so.”
“That’s why you’re so burnout right now, hon. You’ve done nothing but give and give. You forgot about your limits too… Are you even still okay working in the same hospital after everything?”
She asked and almost instantly, you remembered the night of the accident. You were waiting for your boyfriend to pick you up in the same spot you always waited in. Then, you received this call. Next thing you know, you’re seeing him getting pulled out of the ambulance. Bloody and bruised. Your stomach twisted with the recollection of his state that night. Thankfully, Julia called your name, snapping you out of your trance.
“Just know that you’re not alone in any of this. You don’t have to carry everything on your own. Jisoo and I are always here for you. And I really appreciate you opening up to me now.” She smiled softly before pulling you in for another hug.
After that hug, you two moved on to lighter topics. You asked her about her preparation for Jisoo and Namjoon’s special day at the end of the week. She talked about Chanyeol, her plus-one for the wedding. She shared about how things are going and you’re genuinely happy to see her happy. You ended up leaving at seven. Julia offered to drive you home, but you kindly refused, saying you need to be alone for a short while.
“Okay, just let me know when you got home.” She smiled and of course, was enveloped in the warmest hug you’ve ever received recently.
Just like when you left home earlier, the sky was dark and gloomy as you wait at the bus stop. Raindrops began falling just minutes after you got on the bus. You sat on the farthest empty seat your eyes spotted. Watching the raindrop rolling on the glass window, you thought about Julia and everything she said.
Change.
You wondered if change can help your emotional burnout while leaning your head on the cold surface of the vehicle. Truthfully, working in the same hospital after the accident is difficult. The first day you returned after your month-long leave you found yourself stopping in your tracks at every spot your feet took you that night of the accident. You also don’t enjoy the pity glances or smiles you get from your colleagues who knew about the accident. There were times, someone would approach you and say something nice or motivational. You appreciate the effort but it’s making your work more of a reminder than a distraction for what happened.
You get off the bus with a new idea and even more uncertainties in mind. You still felt like a deflating balloon floating your way to get home. After your breakdown, you wonder how Taehyung would react. He seemed pretty quiet last night. The Taehyung you know would prefer talking with you to at least mend these issues. But now, you’re really just tired and would rather organize your thoughts alone.
And when you walked up your front porch, you stopped as you saw the lights on in the kitchen. He’s home early. You turned the knob, preparing yourself with any awkward tension that is always suffocating. Walking in, a delicious smell of flavor filled your nostrils. You’re not planning to say anything but then, he greeted you.
“Oh, hey…”
It was short but soft. His lips formed a small, tight smile. He was indeed cooking as he holds a wooden spatula and you can hear the crinkling sound in the pan. You noticed he is wearing a familiar apron and a headband, exposing his forehead, to avoid his jet-black hair in sticking on the sweaty corners of his forehead.
“Hey.” you greeted back, forcing a polite smile on your lips. “You’re home?”
Taehyung noted the lack of any emotion in your voice or even eyes. You just looked exhausted. But he replied, “Yeah, we kinda closed early. Sold out.”
He smiled again, hoping that maybe you would smile back at him. You didn’t. Instead, you zipped your lips. And there it is. The awkward silence took over--not only the kitchen—but the whole house. He looked at you and you looked at him. It didn’t even last a couple of seconds. You looked away again, scratching your eyebrow.
“I should probably go—”
“I’m making dinner. Maybe—"
You two broke off the silence at the same time. You waited for him to continue but his nod asked you to resume.
“Yeah, uhm, I should go to my room.” You mumbled, not meeting his eyes. You just can’t.
It’s Taehyung’s turn to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhm, I made dinner. I was wondering if we can eat together.”
You timidly shake your head, “I’m kinda full… I had pizza with Julia. But thank you for the offer though.”
You were about to leave, wanting to leave this room since you were having the hardest time breathing with the thick tension. But Taehyung called your name,
“I was hoping we can talk… about everything.”
You turned around, finally looking at him. Suddenly, his heartbeat was louder than anything else for him. He can already see the rejection on your face. Like you’re not in the mood for anything that had to do with him. But he wishes his deduction is wrong. On the flip side, you can see his fingers fiddling with the spatula as he said that.
You exhaled, “I can’t, Taehyung. I really had a long day. I’m sorry—”
“No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize. We can talk whenever you’re ready.” He awkwardly raised his hands for thumbs-up. He saw your worried eyes landing on the dish he cooked. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll store it when it cools down. You can microwave it later if you get hungry.”
A simple, worn-out nod was your only reply before leaving him alone. His smile slowly fades as he turned down his chin.
He waited. Patiently. The morning after that, he waited for you to leave for work before he does. He goes home before you do. He prepared breakfasts and dinners for you, but you always seemed to be running late going to work and exhausted when you get home. And the rainy season didn’t stop. Taehyung once offered to walk you at least to the bus stop when you had a graveyard shift. He’s glad you didn’t decline and walked side by side with him under the umbrella.
“You know, you don’t have to do any of this.” You murmured in the middle of that five-minute walk to the bus stop. You were just looking ahead as you resumed, “You’re not obligated to do anything with me.”
“I wanted to do this.” He replied, glancing at you, hoping that he will meet your eyes. But he didn’t.
You didn’t say anything anymore. Even when you got on the bus and he handed you the extra umbrella he brought. But he really did. Even though you two haven’t really done a lot of activities together, he liked doing things with you or for you.
Now it’s been days since you broke down, you two still haven’t talked about it. Jimin told him to be patient and give you time. But the more time he gives you, the more he felt like you were already slowly drifting away from him.
“Are you sure? We still have space for another passenger.”
Taehyung heard you from the living room as he pulled his small luggage out of his room. He wore a white collared button-down, with the sleeves folded before it reached his elbows, tucked in beige suit pants.
“Okay, Ju. See you there. Take care.”
Your smile fades as you ended the call. With every emotion washed out on your face, you glanced up at him. Your eyes simply scanned him from head to toe before you spoke, “Let’s go?”
Jisoo and Namjoon will be having their rehearsal and the following dinner in the same area as their wedding. It’s in the same event place as their wedding venue. The couple already prepared rooms for a few guests, so that you can stay overnight for the wedding tomorrow. You, Taehyung, and Jimin will be carpooling in a rented car, with Jimin taking the wheel for an almost two-hour drive straight to the dinner event.
“Be careful, it’s fragile.”
You teased Jimin as he helped you carry the wedding gift for your soon-to-be-wedded friends. Taehyung carried yours and his luggage to the car.
“I am careful.” Jimin scoffed.
“Oh, I apologize. I’m just worried. You do have small hands.” You jested that made Taehyung choke and laugh.
“Ha. Ha. Ha.” His best friend laughed dryly, squinting his eyes at you. “You two are bullies! It’s not that small.”
You chuckled once again before stopping when Taehyung opened the backseat door for you.
“Thanks.” You mumbled.
Taehyung sat on the passenger seat while Jimin took the wheel. In the first quarter of the ride, you still managed to join chit-chat. Jimin was the one who sparked up topics, which you were grateful for as you don’t know what would happen if it’s just you and Taehyung in this car. But as time went on, you yawned and slowly lost yourself to take a nap.
a/n: i'm thinking of updating/resetting the taglist for this series. kindly comment below if you still want to be tagged. thank you so much for your support <3
taglist rules
RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST [closed] @halesandy @boohoobabe @hopeonysus @taffyteffy @pnlpbnl @arusio @rpkth @cinnamonruts @xyahrinx @betysotelo18 @sugaslittlekookies @doublebunv @dahliasbouqet @lust-kth @aria-grace-scott @milkteallday @hoodalmighty @kiwuki @http-fayeradise @daydreamiies @starlight-night0 @chaoticbisous @mageprincess7 @byunniebaekhyunnie @hiimnothing @koreanaestheticc @shin-ie @blancflms @jeonkoookiee @satorinnie @rjsmochii @yoonglesdoll @somewhereinthestarss @turnthepageandbeburnt @heyjiminnie @bri-mal @teddybeartaetae @kaal-ee @nikkiordonez12 @motivatedprocastinator @butterflieshee @iamkookiesforyou
PERMANENT TAGLIST
@dunixxd @cixrosie @jksjx @embrace-themagic @buttvi @starbtslove @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @kenqki @miyukihoshi @stopeatread @seolaquotes @greyrain23 @chimchimmarie @petalsofink @jayhope88 @moonchild1
#bts angst#bts fluff#bts x reader#bts series#bts imagine#bts au#bts amnesia#taehyung angst#taehyung fluff#taehyung au#taehyung amnesia#taehyung imagine#taehyung fanfic#restarting over again kth
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Grief aspect combo analysis
This combo aspect idea belongs to @superxstarzz they were kind enough to allow me to do analysis of their combo concepts and to make things easier I'm going to start out with aspects! I do hope everyone enjoys!
Grief is the combo aspect of doom and rage, I'm still getting use to the aspect and classpect analysis so please bare with me
To break things down, here's how I view what doom and rage are to me as aspects
Rage: negative, positive and neutral emotions. Mental stability, emotions in general, emotional issues, pessimistic, tough love, hard outer shell and distance, hate for lies, values the truth more than anything.
Doom: the dead, zombies, voices of the dead, seeing the death of the future, puppets, stitches, self destruction, loyalty, hard outer shell and slight hard inner shell, the physical body, control of the dead.
These are some key things I see for these aspects, do I know there's more to them than that? Yes do I care? No, this is key words I use to remember what these aspects are about. Now onto what I think the grief aspect could be and what sort of powers it can grant as a aspect
Grief in general is heard when you are grieving someone or something, grief itself has multiple stages as a result, sadness, anger, resentment, acceptance and forgiveness. Grief can be represented by stone like grave stones or by the tears of the weeping, The yelling of the angered, the glare of the resentful, the blank stare of acceptance and the smile of forgiveness. It can also be represented by rebirth, the new form of a person after grieving.
Grief: the aspect of grief can be granted to a person whom has gone through many stages of life or has lost multiple people or sentimental things. Often seen as people who became hero's of grief have to fully become hero's of it by fully understanding what grief is to them, once at God tier they have fully understood what grief is not only to themselves but also to the people around them, once realizing and reaching god tier the people of greif can utilize their emotions or the emotions of others for their benefit for the sake of the session.
Powers for the hero's of grief:
Depending on what class you are combo or not depends all on your powers but here are some I like as ideas for powers.
The voices of the hurt and the dead: as a hero of grief and it being a mix of doom I like the idea that not only can you hear the voices of the dead but can also hear the voices of people's inner pain begging for help or guidance.
Control of the dead: again I can see the doom aspect of grief having the ability to. Utilize the people of the dead for grate benefits! Making a army of zombies as you try to take on enimes and a okay idea right?
Emotion control: the rage aspect taking over the negative emotions of your mind you can use them to make weapons as a last resort or use your anger to make sharp lightning bolts attack your enime. As a grief player time is a soul virtue and it's needed more than wasted on people.
Emotion manipulation: while controlling the negative emotions of your teammates you create a raging hell of a team while they are full of anger or resentment or any negative emotions. Good luck doing that my friend
Healing bodily parts and the mental stability: if you are a healer class you can use your tears to seal wounds and use the bones of the dead to make thread and a needle for stitches, also using emotional manipulation to keep mental breakdowns at bay or taking on the burden as well.
@superxstarzz I hope you like my analysis and I hope I did this aspect justice, I personally may be a sylph of grief now haha! Please do feel free to suggest what aspect to do next!
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hello dear, hope you're doing well physically & mentally. lots of hugs for you!
i've been wondering about the physical touch in Gahan's dynamic especially. we all know how much physical abuse Yohan has gone through in his childhood, the kidnapping by Sunah, him willingly explode a whole ass room with bombs with him inside it too but pushing away his loved one out.
now compare to Gaon. this Bambi has better experience with physical touch in his life seeing as how he's comfortable leaning to Soohyun seeking comfort while grieving for the loss of his parents. reaching out to Yohan so easily when he sees Yohan woke up from a nightmare. how he reaches for Kkomi and put her on his lap, the lovely and respectful interaction with Elijah.
I always have this thought in my head that it would be tricky for them to have this physical touch without one misunderstood the meaning of one's action. personally i bounced back and forth of the idea Yohan can manipulate and charm ppl with his sex prowess. just because he knows being seduction and sex goes hand in hand with manipulation. It does seem like Yohan can be the type to do especially that the way he gazes at Gaon & Sunah. But we all know he has brother complex lol, while with Sunah he can get the rush of feeling powerful having someone around his level to play with. Either that idea or I think Yohan never has the chance to explore sex bcs it's too much physical touches and too much emotional investment in such a short period of time. Perhaps he can have sex while his sex partner is tied up, not touching Yohan but he's the one who has control to touch them, hence why the kinky dom Yohan exist. So i think domestic touches will be like taming stray or feral creatures. It would take a long time and patience on both sides to be in the safe space and trust.
now.. wdyt Gahan would be in if they were already in a romantic relationship. How would they interact? Who would initiate what? What difference would it be for them in domestic/ innocent interactions and in bed? I would like to know your thoughts on this one. I wish I can pour my detailed thoughts for this but i'm afraid to scare you off with my long-ass paragraphs hahaha it's been a while since I have conversations analyzing character's personality and their depths, just geeking out about them and it can be intense and intimidating for people if I pour all my thoughts out for these shit lol
I wish you well! Take your time on your recovery & in writing, we'll always be here for you!
I'm currently in pain from shoveling too much snow but, other than that, I'm pretty okay. Thank you for asking 💜
Physical touch is a very fascinating subject when it comes to these two, isn't it? Probably because there's so much tension between them.
Anyhow! I actually think that Yo Han has had a lot of sex but, like, only with the right people? He may have been abused as a child (and definitely has trauma and trust issues because of it) but he's also a very clever and intuitive man. And he'd know how to find partners he can have casual, enthusiastic, and fun sex with. Like, some random woman or man he meets at a bar who thinks he's hot? Definitely. Some random woman or man he meets in a professional setting who is clearly trying to gain something from having sex with him? Absolutely not.
Having sex is a very intimate act in some ways, but exactly how intimate depends a lot on the partner, the setting, and the circumstances. Yo Han would only go for people he's not feeling threatened by or knows he can control without exerting too much effort. But I also think he'd enjoy the challenge of wooing people. Like, how fast can he make this woman shed her clothes? What should he say to make this man swoon? Flirting would be a game for him, too, but "winning" just means he and the other person get to have sex so it's actually pretty harmless.
And I think he'd be fine doing it with strangers and letting them touch him. Because he doesn't actually seem averse to touch in the drama? Unused to it, yes — especially the tender kind — but not scared of or uncomfortable with it. He puts himself and his body through a lot, yes, but never in a reckless or self-destructive way. More often than not, he knows exactly what the risks are and deems them worth whatever payoff comes at the end (unlike Ga On who just... throws himself into danger without much thought).
One of the few (if not the only time) Yo Han seems genuinely scared of physical touch is when Ga On tries to comfort him after his nightmare. Which says a lot, I think. He's more scared of a touch meant to soothe than one meant to hurt, since he doesn't want to show weakness. He doesn't know how he will react to a touch like that and would therefore rather push it away.
But he doesn't even flinch when Sun Ah raises a hand to slap him, which is definitely a situation where some (but not all) who have been abused in the past would react. So, clearly, he's not as traumatised as he could have been, or has learned to control it enough for it not to show too much. To me, Yo Han doesn't seem averse to casual touching and does it quite a lot himself, like towing Ga On around at the gala, lightly patting Lawyer Ko's arm, offering his arm to Jin Joo at the other gala etc.
And I personally don't think there will be all that many misunderstandings between him and Ga On as to what a certain touch means? They both seem way too smart for that? There might still be general misunderstandings, of course, but not when it comes to that. If nothing else, the intent behind touches is something Yo Han had to learn long ago because you can't manipulate people only using sexual prowess. He needs more than one method and that means recognising what different touches mean, when to give them etc.
My personal headcanon for Yo Han is that he has no trouble using his sex appeal to manipulate when appropriate, but his strength lies in how he adapts to the situation, sometimes being kind and understanding, sometimes being firm and commanding, and, sometimes, being flirty and sensual.
The way he prefers to have sex is for fun, though, and he enjoys it a lot with the right people. But he'd never do it if he felt uncomfortable or threatened by his partner, and he's good enough at reading people that he'd know the other person's intentions long before the actual sex happens. So, for example, I don't think he'd ever want to have sex with Sun Ah even if he could tie her up. He'd be too suspicious to actually enjoy it xD
To me, Yo Han is the kind of man who has a lot of trauma, but has also worked a lot on overcoming said trauma. If he did so in a healthy way I will leave unsaid, but I don't think he'd allow himself to be wary of other people's touch. I think Yo Han would be frustrated by his own limitations if he could only have sex with people while they're tied up, simply because he's uncomfortable with them touching him. That's too big of a weakness — something someone could exploit. And he'd train that out of himself as soon as possible. His whole thing is that he's unshakeable and impenetrable and that's a choice — something he's putting effort into being. And so I, personally, can't see him allowing himself to have that kind of "flaw."
As a friend of mine said: "He's a man even more in control of himself than he is others."
That said, I think he enjoys tying people up because it gives him added control and makes it more fun to play with his victims partners. So I'm all for Dom!Yo Han — he is one in every fic I've written so far — I just think he does that because he likes it, not because it's the only way he can have sex.
And, to be entirely honest with you? I don't think Yo Han needs to tie people up in order to control them in the bedroom. I'm pretty sure that man can make his partners do pretty much anything he wants them to, without using a single tool or restraint. Because that is the kind of Dom he is.
ANYHOW. To your questions! (boy did I get derailed there for a while)
Ga On is definitely the cuddly one. Like, once he gets comfortable, he's the one who gives and asks for hugs, will walk up behind Yo Han and wrap his arms around him, snuggle up on the couch, put his head in Yo Han's lap etc. Because I definitely agree with you that the casual, domestic touches will be more difficult for Yo Han. He's used to giving some of them, like pats on the shoulder, a supportive hand, fixing Ga On's clothes — practical things. But the ones that are just because? Clearly, that's out of his wheelhouse and he's too prideful to ask for them.
Again, not because he's broken, scared, or doesn't understand them, but simply because he's not used to them. And he doesn't like feeling insecure or appearing weak, so he wouldn't risk asking and making a mistake.
So it'll fall upon Ga On to offer them, which he of course does. He's a pretty physical person with the people he trusts, provided that politeness and such allows it. Like, clearly, one of the reasons why Ga On doesn't touch Yo Han much in the drama is due to the workplace hierarchy, the fact that Yo Han is older (and it's considered rude to touch someone older without their permission), and just Yo Han's overall... Yo Han-ness. But once Ga On gets free rein?
Yo Han won't know what hit him.
But it'll take time for them to get used to it, yes. Like, just teaching Yo Han how to return casual hugs that aren't in a life-or-death situation is going to take a while. But he'll get used to it eventually and while I don't think he'll ever be the one to initiate certain things — like the more cuddly hugs that might make him look clingy — he'd always reciprocate when Ga On does.
Yo Han is a little too prideful to ask for cuddles, but he'll graciously agree to them when Ga On asks him to give them.
(He and Komi have that in common, I guess)
As for sex, that depends? I think they can both initiate it, but Yo Han enjoys it more when Ga On does so, just because he likes seeing Ga On horny and desperate xD Yo Han is definitely the one in charge, though. That's not to say that Ga On can't snatch control from him or throw him off-balance from time to time, but probably only during brief moments when he's being particularly cheeky and bratty. I think they both enjoy the push-and-pull — the fact that Ga On challenges Yo Han is a part of the thrill — but are more comfortable when Yo Han is in control.
Especially since Yo Han is very good at it.
All that said, I do think — and this might be an unpopular and scandalous opinion — that Yo Han could, eventually, let Ga On top him. But we're talking years down the line, when they're so comfortable with each other that there are no secrets or doubts. Because, yes, Yo Han is a man who prides himself on having control but, eventually, he's also going to realise that having control and having power isn't necessarily the same thing. And being in charge and having control isn't necessarily the same thing, either. Ga On has a tremendous amount of power over Yo Han despite not being in charge or in control the majority of the time.
I mean, there's a reason why they say that the sub is the one with the real power since they're the ones willingly handing it over to someone else. And if they can give it, they can also revoke that privilege — and there is absolutely nothing the Dom can do about that. In that situation, the Dom is, quite literally, powerless.
And I think, especially as he gets older and softer, Yo Han would realize that trusting Ga On to top him is, in fact, a sign of his own strength. And I don't mean that in a "real men know how to bottom" kind of way. But in a "I love this man and I trust him and myself enough to let him have this power over me because that, in itself, means I have power."
But, again, that's several years into their relationship and 99,9% of the time, Yo Han is the one topping. But, every once in a while, Ga On can be the one in charge. As a treat.
... I may have gotten off track again.
But I'd say that's about the gist of it? There are, of course, more specific examples and details, too.
Yo Han is definitely the one doing most of the dirty talk, but Ga On will not hesitate to use his doe-eyes to his advantage and say the most kinky, outrageous things sometimes, just for the pleasure of watching Yo Han bluescreen. I also think that Yo Han will develop a habit of burrowing his nose in Ga On's hair when they're hugging/cuddling. And, as I've mentioned in a previous post, Yo Han is the little spoon 90% of the time. I also think that Ga On is going to be pretty shy and prudish when it comes to talking about sex and anything relating to it (at least at the beginning), but kinky as fuck when it comes to the actual acts. Like, he can't say "cock" without wincing, but he'll gladly let Yo Han tie him up and fuck him so roughly and thoroughly he's covered in bruises afterwards.
I really could go on but then we'd be here forever and I have work tomorrow x'D
So I'm hoping you got something out of this long rant! Thank you so much for the ask! I admit that I don't often spend time thinking about fictional characters' sex lives, but I apparently have a lot of opinions regardless. Though, to be honest, I think Yo Han and Ga On is the couple where I've had to think about it the most, since physical closeness (of both the sexual and more innocent kind) is extremely important for their dynamic. So yeah.
Take care, darling! 💜
#Amethystina Replies#fr-wiwiw#I genuinely had to think on this one for a while before I was able to answer#A lot of things are already stored in my brain somewhere#But the tricky part is formulating it into a somewhat coherent reply#And I still don't know if I managed#I always feel like I forget so many details and aspects x'D#I stand by that thing about Yo Han bottoming btw#I think that would be wonderful character development for him#To eventually be able to trust someone that much#And you KNOW Ga On would be amazingly considerate#So yeah#That's my headcanon#And you can pry it from my cold dead hands
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1--2
3
What are you currently not seeing ?
My lord I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long I kinda jus felt so unmotivated and kinda went hermit mode for quite a while so I apologize for my absence!! Anyways I wanted to make a come back with a reading regarding being trapped, blinded or stuck on something that is unfortunately, hindering your process ;+(
Also * will indicate a reversal from here on out also only three piles because I wanted to get this out ASAP !!
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Pile 1
---Cards pulled---
5 of Coins/4 of Wands*/The magician
3 of coins*/The Moon
---Clarification---
9 of coins/9 of Swords/The hierophant
Ace of wands/3 of wands
There is most likely a financial or material issue happening, I heard "just enough to get by"
It looks like you lack in what you currently need as well? But despite this you are content or try to come off that way
Maybe you just moved into your own apartment recently? Or now have to pay rent or something along those lines
A new responsibility within your family/home life too
There's a lack of confidence here especially within self and home life
Something or someone in your home isn't making you feel quite safe? Or you get nightmares about them (if this is the case please seek help!!) that might be a very specific message BUT Could also be ready as you may be dealing with flashbacks at this time due to financial or material loss !! Maybe you grew up in poverty or an unstable home? Or your parents/caregivers weren't able to provide necessities?
It looks like with the magician and the hierophant there is a gift on the horizon or a very promising belief or like system? Maybe a change in routine or spending habits and thinking will help tremendously
I see that on your end for some your guides are frustrated with your lack of effort and motivation to make your thousands of ideas a reality
They absolutely love your creativity tho don't get me wrong
Maybe you have a hard time focusing right now and have many great ideas to put into place but lack motivation or resources as well so this leads to lack of movement or commitment
Sadness, restless emotions and late sleepless nights are prominent here, someone may deal with insomnia here but y'all sleep schedule is wack (same tho)
Feeling blocked and frustrated >:+(
---ORACLE/ADVICE---
Summer - "Bask in Joy and Light"
"Rise up, open your wings and shine. Bring your projects and plans into into the light, into manifestation" as soon as I opened the guidebook lil
DEADASS do that's just that, start off easy with a lobes hobby, draw something new or listen to a new genre, learn that new music sheet that has been challenging you or even get into a new type of skill to re motivate you !!
This also indicates summer may be your time of change!! New opportunities, new memories maybe even knew people
I feel like this is the perfect time to go outside, bask in sunlight and enjoy a nearby park or go on a nature hike, try meeting new people at libraries, bars or events even book clubs?
I'm getting a message to connect more with water so swimming or maybe even kayaking?
The big message here is try something n e w but I'm also being told to "loosen up" I'm tensing up a lot with this reading
Bumble bees maybe significant to someone :+) or honeycombs cereal? Lmao honey and bee related things here
---Channeled Songs---
Ego brain - SOAD
"You see my pain is real
Watch my world dissolve
And pretend that none of us see the fall
As I turned to sand
You took me by the hand
And declared, that love prevails over all"
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Pile 2
---Cards pulled---
Temperance/9 of Wands/Ace of cups*
Knight of Coins/6 of Wands
---Clarification---
5 of Coins/The Lovers*/8 of Coins
The Moon/Queen of Wands
Okay so there's a sense for reluctance from this pile tbh like to fully acknowledge the truth
I keep wanting to say what happened so you may be being asked this question a lot
For one there is guilt over either healing and moving on or from not healing and moving on from a difficult situation but for most it's a romantic connection
I feel like voices were silenced, and you were constantly fighting for you right to be heard, seen or acknowledged fairly
It was a toxic dynamic that you still look back on to this day but almost feel indifferent but it seems it's just suppressed emotions and memories that you have yet to actually acknowledge
You seem to be a BIT too logical with what happened, like everything was supposed to be this way even this you didn't at all anticipate it if that makes sense
Like you knew what it was exactly, no bs and people tried convincing you otherwise
It looks like someone may come to you to talk about what happened although you may be reluctant to actually open up and speak on your side or even acknowledge that it hurts
It's like you go on about your day with a heavy rain cloud over your head and this person can see :+(
it maybe a friend to help you through this for some possibly offering you a type of hype sesh or even help you glow up a bit even if it's confidence lol
---ORACLE/ADVICE---
Wolf- "Take care of your needs"
I feel like you definitely need rest here, this card says "Do everything you need to do to be at your best, Then move beyond your fears and limitations"
it feels like a state of I can FINALLY get some rest from running and running and running
You've been in survival mode for so long or you just genuinely feel exhausted from the expectations around you or the trauma in your past
Know that's it's okay to just chill out and it's okay to be on your own for a while it's all part of the process, in fact I believe your guides are asking you to spend time with yourself more
Self care and YouTube days are recommend :+))
---Channeled Songs---
Around the fur - Deftones
"Please don't fuck around and die like this
'Cause I love her"
Brand new numb - Motionless in white
"All of my flaws, I wear 'em with honor
A purple heartbreak for all we've suffered"
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Pile 3
---Cards pulled---
The Hierophant*/King of cups/4 of Swords
Wheel of fortune/5 of wands*
---Clarification---
Ace of Swords*/5 of Swords/Queen of Coins
The Hermit*/Queen of Cups
This may be a more masculine in terms of energy for this pile but I'll still read the same
So it seems there was a hypocrisy or an act that went against your morals and you were quick to act and deliver your opinion... "sharply"
You stood your ground and what you believed in in your heart despite the haters lol, and despite the arguments or how many people you had to leave behind something about conflict here
Although the way you did this was quite nonchalantly and someone was not a fan I'm picking up on black hair and green for the description for some reason
This person tends to be the center of attention? Or is very attractive, or maybe even a bit out of place almost ? But you not caring is pissing them off
I see there's gonna be change to the situation but someone may have to trail off onto their own path :+( a bit shunned almost but it's a high probability it's this other person
It's possible someone with the same morals and values as you is helping the conflict "die out" but not caring or almost standing in solidarity
---ORACLE/ADVICE---
High Priest - "Intend and Create"
"Recognize you have the power to change you life. Face your fear and align with the light"
Kind of a plain message but with this card I am getting that you can literally move anyway you want with this and just move on
It seems your intentions were nothing but pure in the end so no Karma was ever delivered to you
How unfortunate for the other person :+pp
It also seems some may follow in your path a bit here but spirits asking you to reach out to someone like a teacher for further guidance if you feel stuck
---Channeled Songs---
Riptide - Grandson
"I've tried getting better, did all of the twelve steps
Whoever would'a thought? Whoever could've guessed?"
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#detailed pac#fs pac#intuitive messages#love pac#pick a card reading#pick a picture#tarot cards#tarot reading
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Queer platonic VashMeryl!
For my second self-rec post for @trigunfanfic, I wanted to write about two of my pieces that haven't seen as much love but are very special to me! I found as I was writing a WIP I'm still working on that I absolutely loved digging in to Vash and Meryl's friendship and that it was becoming a really special dynamic to me, and I wanted to spotlight some of those feelings with two gen fics for them. The first is overtly queer platonic; the second is merely a developing friendship fic but was still written from the lens of how I see them.
you recognize love after the fact (1.4k words, T/Gen, TriMax-compliant)
Meryl pulls in a breath and lets it out, measured. "I suppose if it was always obvious for us, then… I should ask the same. About…" The flicker of emotion lasts longer this time, and Vash doesn't master it quite so easily. She sees it—genuine pain, grief—clearer than she's ever seen anything, and it knocks the wind out of her. Reunited on Gunsmoke after months apart, Meryl and Vash have an honest conversation about the people they love, and what makes someone human. (Ace Trigun Week, Day One: What Makes Us Human) content warnings are in the fic notes
As an ace creator who already saw Vash as ace, I found myself relating more and more to Meryl and eventually decided, hey, why not write her as ace, too? That thought was the genesis of this fic for Ace Trigun Week, where I took a small scene from Volume 11 of TriMax (Meryl giving Vash the coin case) and decided to fill in a conversation they may have had about all that time they spent apart, and the people they both love. For folks who love found family and queer platonic relationships, I hope this brings you as much comfort as it did me to write it.
get by with a little help (2.2k words, Gen, primarily TriStamp-influenced)
When she looked up at Vash's face the concern was still there, as she'd anticipated. Role reversal was a hell of a thing. "Don't be silly," he chided, soft enough her heart cracked a little. "Can't I help?" "I wouldn't want you to…" "But there has to be some way to," he interrupted, smoothly as anything. "A little something I can do? I'd rather not sit here thinking I did nothing when you don't feel well." Vash gives Meryl a hand (and a hot water bottle) when her period leaves her dealing with discomfort.
As an inveterate wimp, this piece came about when I was sure my body horror week piece was going to drain the life out of me and thus I needed to write some fluff. This is a bit of tender hurt/comfort between Vash and Meryl, featuring platonic cuddling and as much focus as I could manage on Vash's positive masculinity. I really enjoyed writing it and giving the two of them a little peace to get to know each other better, and I hope folks who like their dynamic enjoy it!
#trigunfanficappreciation#trigun fanfiction#vashmeryl#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#trigun#my writing#my fanfiction
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opinions on the red fist saga? :0
Resoundingly negative, unfortunately. I actually only just read it, because I was having a rough time with it while the issues were coming out and so decided to put it off until I was in a better headspace for it (or until I saw a preview for an issue that excited me and gave me the motivation to catch up, which is what happened with next week's anthology issue).
As I said, I disliked this story very much, so if you aren't interested in hearing me rant (perfectly fine! I wouldn't blame you!), read no further. I really hope you liked it. I really don't want to get you down if you did. This whole run was just the epitome of Not For Me.
Ahem.
The "Red Fist Saga" is, in my opinion, a flimsy "Shadowland" knock-off, centered around the abrasive, moralizing religious zealot who has been inhabiting Matt Murdock's body for the past few years. Elektra Natchios, an incredibly complex character whom I love dearly, had her backstory savaged to remove its autonomy and complexity (that's a rant for another post...) and exists in this story as an accessory to this Matt look-alike and as a handy target of his moralizing (at one point he comes to the revelation that this recent journey she has been on has been worthwhile because it was all about God saving her from her wicked ways!!, at which point I may have blacked out from rage for a few seconds). Matt and Elektra GET MARRIED, and the implications of this massive shift in their relationship are not explored at all. And phew...the less said about Sam Chung's single scene, the better. As was true throughout Zdarsky's entire run, Matt speaks and thinks in this story like he is reading a prepared speech at all times, making grand-yet-hollow pronouncements about the nature of good and evil. He doesn't sound like a real person, but rather like a robot that has been fed a steady diet of religious texts, along with a few surface-level social/systemic reform concepts. His personality consists of being alternately sad, angry, and making lofty proclamations about "fighting evil in the service of God's plan", and I just have no emotional investment in that. I'm not Catholic (and neither, until recently, was Matt Murdock, making this whole thing profoundly weird).
There were some cool elements to this story. I'm a huge Stick fan and I'm thrilled that he is finally back from the dead after all these years. I love Stilt-Man. I love Speed Demon (for some real Speed Demon goodness, go read Superior Foes of Spider-Man, one of my favorite comics of all time). Foggy had a few good panels. I got to read Milla's name; always a treat. Kirsten didn't actually die. Mike was...mentioned (I've already griped about his death; I won't do it again here). The twist that Foggy and Stick were actually already dead was effective and very cool and I didn't see it coming at all, so I will give full credit for that. And I'm someone who genuinely does enjoy Hand shenanigans. I love that stuff when it's done well. But the degree to which I could not stand this new Matt and did not care what happened to him or what he was doing, plus the fact that I had seen all of these plot points executed already, and better, by previous Daredevil teams, meant that this story was just a protracted slog through painful writing, past scene after scene that could have been so much better in the hands of a different creative team or centered around a version of Matt Murdock who was actually a compelling protagonist.
#Thank you for asking! I hope this isn't...too terrible an answer.#I hate being negative like this but it also feels good to get this off my chest because this run was a miserable experience for me.#Daredevil vol. 7#Daredevil#Matt Murdock#Elektra Natchios#The Hand#Asks#Commentary
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Thoughts on Eddie Diaz at the moment
Was reblogging a cool long post and decided I make my own one to add some stuff I've been spinning around in my head like a plate in a microwave.
With Eddie being gay it shouldn't be about throwing in another queer storyline for good rep and attention. Well, no shit, we know that, but let me eleborate a little. It's not really about starting something new, unlocking a different world he's been ignoring and realising he loves men. It's about him understanding why his relationships with women were like that, why he couldn't find stable happiness in life up to this point no matter how hard he tried and how much discomfort it put him through.
I personally don't even want to see him date or go out with men. Hell, he might never even get together with Buck, not romantically nor sexually. But what matters to me is him rediscovering himself and healing from the trauma and the repression he's been under all these years. And him being gay isn't a great resolution to this because yay another queer firefighter character, how cool is that? but because it makes sense. There is something. Something hidden, something shoved away deep deep down. And we know for a fact that that something is constantly pulling him away from the relationships where he's searching for the sacred comfort, reliability and love. From his relationships with women. This man pushes himself so far for so long sometimes his girlfriends and Christopher have time to start feeling like a family, and when the discussion comes to making it more long-term and maybe even official, he panics (quite literally) and backs away so hard he bumps and smashes into everything on his way and either ends up at the cardiologist's or fucks it up so bad Christopher flees the fucking state of California.
Also, a bit off the track of thoughts here, Eddie needs to see what he has already found too. That, of course, includes Buck. And I ain't pushing any buddie agenda here. I can see it as platonic, or queerplatonic, if you like. The point stands, he has a close person who maybe wasn't always there, but wants to be. Someone Eddie can rely on (and feel comfortable with when he's walking around in his undies), and someone who can rely on him (and appear late at night on his doorstep sporting a cold, drained of any emotions whatsoever look on his face after one of the most painful and sudden break-ups of his life, no matter what my personal thoughts on that thing are). I want more of that shit one way or another. Kchm.
So yeah, Eddie Diaz being gay wouldn't be just a random addition to his character and the show. It wouldn't be the "last piece of a puzzle that made it all finally click together so we can see the big picture" either. What it would be is the explanation to why something that initially looked like a regular picture to hang on the wall turned out to be a fucking puzzle in the first place.
And I'm not, by any means, referring to Eddie's story as a "puzzle" as an insult. I love his story. I'm not even sure it's a right metaphor here. But I think it's how he might have felt at some point recently. I don't mean felt like he's a puzzle, (Never call people a puzzle as if they need to be solved btw, it can be harmful af), but that things could have been and still can be easier. That it's not his fault, and that there may be a reason. After all the years, he can see the reason and work with it, not push himself down for nothing.
The frustration upon realising that there might have been a pattern throughout your whole life, and that you might've been playing a part in making yourself feel lower by punishing and denying yourself something good, is a heavy feeling. And Eddie has sort of come out of the darkness of that Narnia. Now let's see if the closet is still standing.
I'm tired. I don't know if I make sense here. If you made it this far... well, thank you. Enjoy your day, or night. Don't get in any unnecessary fights within the fandom, and ffs don't send death threats and wishes to any fucking people what's up with that guys? Going parasocial with actors again? Really?
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First of all, I wanted to say how much I love your writing! Every time I see that you posted something its easily one of the highlights of my day!
If I may, could I maybe ask how would the Papas handle someone who suffers from chronic pain, especially back pain? If you dont want to answer thats ofc fine too!! Thank you :)
Thank you so much!! I'm very happy to hear I can brighten someone's day with my work <3
Here you go, please enjoy!
sfw, hurt/comfort, fluff, disclaimer: writing with my own experience with chronic pain, other's experiences may be different.
Primo
This old man knows exactly how it feels to have aches and pains-- though your afflictions are not the same, he does understand. The two of you help each other on your bad days, it's very sweet. If it's a rough day for you, he will help you with anything you have trouble with using your mobility. If your back pain makes it hard to be up, he'll bring everything to you. Vice versa when he's having a bad day, you'll be the one to assist him (and if it's so bad that he can't tend to the garden that day, you'll go do it for him for his peace of mind).
If you're both having a bad day? It's a day in bed and you take your medication together with fancy little wine glasses (filled with water only-- don't mix meds with alcohol). He'll break out your matching heating pads and put your favorite show on the TV in your bedroom. Primo calls one of his brothers to make sure the garden is tended to for the day.
If you have wrist pain and have trouble opening things, well probably don't ask Primo because peepaw's strength ain't too much better. Both of you go begging to Secondo to open your jars and if it's a cheat day and you're using canned pasta sauce (which Primo only accepts when making it from scratch is too much for the two of you), you'll go to one of the ghouls to open it instead least Secondo bites your heads off.
TLDR your entire relationship is built on love and understanding and helping each other when the occasion arises. You never judge each other for what you can do one day and can't do the next. Support, encouragement, and communication are very important to the two of you.
Secondo
Secondo is a menace with his credit card. He will buy you everything and anything that could and can help your chronic pain. He's not the best at emotional comfort but he tries to support you and care for you in the ways he knows how to. And that includes buying you countless muscle rubs, heating pads and cushions, bath soaks and soaps, massage guns, braces and wraps, so many rolls of athletic tape, and anything else that may help.
Of course it's way more than you need but he will insist that he is stocking you up just in case you need it someday. You almost feel like one of those coupon moms that buy things in bulk.
Very good with his hands and an expert at kneading the tension from your body. Even if your chronic pain doesn't flair every day, he'll make it a routine to give you a massage every night before bed.
Speaking of routines, he'll run you a hot bath every night (unless you're not feeling like it) and add epsom salt plus the essential oils he got from Primo that are supposed to help your muscles relax. He'll make sure you get a good soak in and slowly wash your hair for you, lathering expensive shampoo in your hair and massaging your scalp.
Once you're all clean and ready for bed, he'll give you your massage while you doze in bed. If you have a cream that helps relieve muscle pain or something similar, he'll often use that while he rubs your back or anywhere needed. You're often fast asleep by the time he's done and he'll give you a good night forehead kiss before sliding into bed to join you.
Terzo
My favorite HC for Terzo is that his love language is acts of service. Physically showing you that he loves you, cares about you. It ties into the fact that these are all things he wishes someone would love him enough to do too (and you do).
He knows cooking is strenuous for you on bad pain days; that's why he's always willing to drop everything to make you a decent meal. He'll bring it to you no matter where you are, and even on days that you might be able to cook he'll want to do it for you anyways. He pulls out his most beloved recipes for you and makes your favorites.
Sometimes you'll sit in the kitchen with a heated blanket and some pillows that Terzo has brought in to help you be comfier, just to keep him company. As long as your pain is bearable enough to move to the kitchen, you try to be there just as much as he does for you. You can see from the expression on his face the first time you drag your achey body from your room to the kitchen that he's starstruck. It means a lot to him when you take the time to be there with him. Of course, he fusses over you to make sure you're not in pain and not pushing yourself by moving all the way there. He will smother you in love and care.
He may be very talented with his fingers (wink wink) but this man has no idea how to give a good massage; in fact he's often too afraid that he will hurt you by pushing or pressing on you too hard. But he does his best! He watches some youtube tutorials and looks up how-to's online. Be patient with him and he will slowly become an expert at it. He's very proud of himself the first time you absolutely melt under his hands, the pain easing just a little. Of course it won't fix everything but in the moment it feels so nice.
Copia
He's very worried at first; he doesn't know about the chronic pain and at the beginning he's worried that something is very very wrong and tries to urge you to see a doctor (or two or three because your man is a worryrat).
You soothe him and reassure him that nothing serious is wrong-- whatever issue you have that is causing your chronic pain is either already taken care of or being addressed. There's nothing you can do about it right now.
Does anything he can to help alleviate your pain. Helps massage your back or wrist or where ever you may need it. He'll buy heating pads for you and those cute little stuffed animals that have a pouch for a heating pack (or that you microwave to heat up).
Gets sad sometimes especially when he's done everything he can and the only thing he can't do is directly take the pain way (by the unholy lord does he wish he could though).
Sometimes you catch him looking distraught when you're laying in bed or having trouble with something and you call him over to reassure him that you're okay. Sure you're hurting, but you don't want your loved ones around you to hurt too, not when they don't need to.
He loves you so much, does anything he can to help. Sometimes you're afraid of asking for too much or that he'll get tired of taking care of you but he never does and he will remind you every day that he loves you and loves taking care of you because he wants you happy and safe. There is no such thing as asking for too much for him.
#the band ghost#copia#terzo#secondo#ghost band#ghost bc#primo#papa emeritus iv#cardinal copia#ghoul#papa emeritus i#papa emeritus iii#papa emeritus ii#papa emeritus ii x reader#papa emeritus i x reader#papa emeritus iii x female reader#papa emeritus iii x reader#papa emeritus iv x female reader#papa emeritus iv x reader#cardinal copia x reader#headcanons#personal hc that secondo things almost anything can be bought with money lol#asks
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Hey,
Do you write Fate: The Winx Saga fics? If so, can you write a fic where Bloom is in a slump (depressed from everything). She blocks out everyone from trying to help her. Her magic gets erratic because of her emotions. Farah helps her through everything. Gives her advice and comfort. She is a mother figure for Bloom. Just a fic that starts out very angsty and just leads to pure comfy at the end. If it can be at least 2500 words, I'd appreciate it. If not, it's understandable.
P.S. Not a lot of FarahxBloom fics, so.... kinda hope you could help me.
Making peace with the past
Farah Dowling x Bloom Peters (plat)
Another wonderful request was completed. I hope I rose up to the challenge successfully. I have never truly written anything which isn't xreader but I think that this came to be wonderful. You, Anon, requested for 2500 minimum, so I am providing you with my longest one-shot, 3236 words. Enjoy.
Bloom was sitting alone on a bench. Her eyes were glassy as she looked at the horizon, the endless beautiful fields outside of Alfea.
Her mind was a huge mess. So many things happened the past year. She could hardly comprehend what was happening anymore.
She had done a murder.... It was self-defense, but still... She did have blood on her hands... Two people's blood.
Obviously, both Rosalind and Sebastian had to die or at least be defeated one way or another if she wanted to ensure Alfea's safety.
Still...
Bloom looked down at her hands, half expecting them to be covered with their blood.
The girl sighed, placing her head against her hands. She was feeling so...
Lost?
Even she didn't know.
The only good thing that came up due to the discovery of her dragon flame was her ability to resurrect one of the only people who cared for her, not because of her abilities, no... but because they cared about everybody's well-being.
She found some solace at the thought of making things right... Saving the woman who stood by her when she needed it the most.
Bloom felt beyond ashamed and responsible for her death as well... If only she had believed her...
Rosalind would have never been freed. Everybody would be happy. Farah, Ben, and Saul would still be best friends. Bellatrix and Stella would have the chance they deserved to be together...
Bloom sobbed, realizing that she was the cause of everyone's problems.
She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve her friends, Sky, Headmistress Dowling... She didn't deserve anyone.
Bloom's blood turned cold, remembering her mother's burnt flesh.
She was not the hero everybody painted her to be...
No.
Everything was actually happening in the first place because of her.
She was a monster.
꧁☾︎❥︎☽︎꧂
Bloom was sat alone in the library.
She knew the girls had planned a study period in their living room, but she didn't feel like going.
She did not deserve it.
She deserved loneliness.
She deserved to feel the pain.
She didn't hear the footsteps getting too close to her.
Her eyes were glued to her book before she noticed someone standing in front of her desk.
She looked up to see Aisha standing with crossed hands in front of her.
"You coming or what?" Her friend spoke with an expecting gaze.
Bloom didn't respond for some seconds before she shook her head and looked back to her book. "I'm busy."
Aisha titled her head, tapping her foot against the wooden floor of the library. "You are studying here. You may as well as study with us. Same thing." She waved Bloom's excuse off.
Bloom shook her head. "I really need to stay focused.... You are not helping." The girl started feeling agitated. She didn't wish for her company as she didn't deserve it.
This was her punishment.
Aisha took a step closer, hovering above Bloom. "See this as a small break. Come, we gonna be late."
Bloom didn't look at her as she turned the page, pretending to be reading. "I don't wish for a small break. Go."
Aisha's hands crossed over her chest. "Bloom.... You are acting like a baby. Just be done with it."
Bloom rolled her eyes in annoyance, her little patience gone. "I SAID GO."
Aisha's eyes widened in shock before the water fairy blinked. She tried to snitch Bloom's book away from her, only to be met by Bloom's hand slapping her hand away.
Bloom abruptly stood up and looked at her friend in the eyes. "WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I WANNA STUDY ALONE!"
Aisha swallowed hard as she took a step back at the sound of Bloom's shout. Many heads turned to look at their fight.
The water fairy looked around, noticing the attention they got before turning to her roommate.
Aisha looked at Bloom for a moment and then turned around and left the room feeling beyond shocked due to Bloom's outburst and ashamed of disturbing people's peace.
Bloom sat down on her seat with a relieved sigh.
May the torture continue.
꧁☾︎❥︎☽︎꧂
A week later, Bloom found herself in Farah Dowling's classroom.
The headmistress would soon be walking around the classroom overseeing everyone's abilities, as she preferred to give some time to her students to begin chanelling and do the needed preparations.
Today's lesson main focus was control.
Bloom, who was usually sitting next to Aisha, was keeping her mouth shut and not saying a single word.
Aisha was just glancing at Bloom coldly. They hadn't talked since the episode in the library, even if they were seeing each other every day due to the fact that they were roommates.
Through this week, Bloom managed to get into a very heated fight with Stella as well.
Many words were spoken that Bloom regretted immediately, but she had chosen to leave Stella and abandon her in the middle of the fight.
This, alongside Bloom's emotional turmoil, didn't help her at all as she struggled a little bit to maintain her little fire under complete control.
Bloom took a deep breath to calm down and focus on her task.
Make Headmistress Dowling proud.
Farah finished some of her workpapers and decided to walk around the classroom and see how everyone was faring.
Considering that the class has done far more difficult and complicated tasks, she thought that this lesson would be a piece of cake for everyone.
The headmistress had decided to start over and progress the difficulty of the lessons quickly to see her pupils' progress throughout Rosalind's cruel treatment toward them.
The headmistress was pleased to see that everyone was having rather fun, enjoying the simplicity of the task without any kind of pressure or high expectations.
Everyone, except...
Farah raised an eyebrow, noticing that Bloom was no longer sitting at her usual spot.
The woman was perplexed as to why the student wasn't sitting next to her friend, Aisha, like they always do.
Farah looked at Aisha, trying to decipher her feelings without the use of any kind of knowledge.
The girl seemed more troubled and cheerful than usual.
The woman's eyes followed the rest of the company of friends, all of them gathered around each other and whispering here and then.
Farah pressed her lips in a thin line. Something had happened... or rather it's still happening.
She walked next to Terra, a girl who was practically her niece, who was no longer her normal cheerful self.
She didn't say anything about what was happening between them and Bloom, Farah's experience was telling her that the girls just needed some time to solve their problems.
She thought that it was best to interfere and make things worse for both parties.
She just patted Terra's head congratulating her for her impeccable control and then walked to Musa.
She could tell that all of this time without her magic left Musa a little rusty, but still, no one could question Musa's mastery of her mind magic.
Farah smiled at the girl and then walked to examine her assistance work.
The woman was impressed by how well Aisha was taking to the challenge. Farah couldn't help but remember the first classes in which Aisha struggled with taking control of the small particles of water....
The girl seemed like she had been doing it for years.
The headmistress gave a proud smile at her and a nod. Farah was aware of Aisha's ambition to succeed her one day, and she was more than just open with the idea.
"I'm sure you'll be a wonderful headmistress one day." Farah complimented the teenager.
Aisha smiled at her as her eyes sparkled, but Farah couldn't help but notice that the smile didn't reach as high as her usual one.
The woman didn't comment as she continued observing everybody's use of magic. However, she couldn't help but feel worried.
She cared for all of the girls deeply, and watching all of them in such distress brought her not just sadness and anxiousness but distress as well.
Farah walked through the rows of desks, commenting here and there, as well as observing everybody's progress and noting their new abilities.
The woman stopped at Bloom's desk abruptly.
Farah always knew that Bloom's magic was different, stronger than the usual fire fairies, but there was something wrong with the girl.
Normally, knowing that Bloom transformed, Farah thought that Bloom had managed to not just barely contain but perfectly control her magic.
Her assumption was errored.
She stood by Bloom and watched the girl slightly struggle with the strict maintainance of the size of the fire.
She took a step closer and examined both the magic and the troubled girl. "Bloom, I believe you need to calm down first. Then, not only will the task bring better results, but it won't be as exhausting and frustrating as it already is for you." Farah calmly spoke, trying to coax the girl into letting go for a while.
Bloom briefly glanced at her before shaking her head. "There's no need, Headmistress Dowling. Everything is under control." The girl defended, decided not to follow the mind fairy's advice.
Farah sighed and placed her left hand on Bloom's right shoulder. "I know, Bloom. I just believe I have seen enough." The headmistress decided not to test the girl further to see whether she was actually saying the truth or not.
Bloom took a deep breath, filling determination. She had to make the headmistress feel proud of her. She thought this was the only way for her to truly show how sorry she was.
Bloom's red eyes remained on her tiny flames. "Are you sure? Because I can really keep going. Please, test me further, Headmistress. See for yourself." Bloom encouraged the older woman.
The headmistress' eyebrow rose at the sound of her eagerness to be tested. Farah wasn't sure about this, but she did wish to see Bloom's progress.
Hopefully, Rosalind taking over will have at least one good outcome.
The mind fairy's eyes shone as she used her telekinetic abilities to move a little leaf toward Bloom's little fire.
"If that's what you wish, Bloom. Now, I will move this tiny leaf into your fire. If it remains intact when I pull it away, then you will officially excel the test. Is it understood, Bloom?" The headmistress asked, holding the leaf near Bloom's fire.
The girl nodded eagerly as she awaited for the test.
Farah slowly had the leaf approach Bloom's flames. She gave some time to Bloom to prepare for the intrusion before she deeped the leaf right into the magical fire.
The headmistress watched with a proud smile as the flames danced around the leaf, leaving it completely unharmed.
Farah had the leaf remain inside Bloom's fire while she slowly moved it around the flames, testing the girl a little further.
Bloom didn't comment as she continued focusing on her magical fire and keeping the leaf intact.
Farah hummed in approval. "Good job, Bloom. You're doing wonderfully." The woman congratulated the girl as she kept the leaf in place.
Bloom smiled at her as she maintained her focus on the fire. "Thank you, Miss Dowling."
Before Farah had the chance to politely smile at the girl, she felt it before she saw it as Aisha accident fell over Bloom's desk with a glass of water.
The water mainly spilled over Bloom's fire, but it was too little to have it extinguished. Some water landed on Farah's shirt as half of Bloom's face became wet.
It was just for a moment, but Bloom's concentration broke, resulting in the leaf getting burnt.
"Oh. I'm so so sorry, Headmistress Dowling. I meant to go to the sink to get more water." Aisha politely excused herself.
Farah nodded at her before listening to Bloom's anguished cry. "NOOOOOOO."
The woman's eyes widened as she turned quickly to look at Bloom. Bloom's eyes were a darker shade of red as the girl stood up and looked at Aisha. "YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!"
Aisha swallowed hard, taking a step back in fear. "I- No. Bloom, control yourself." Aisha couldn't admit that she did indeed do it on purpose.
Flames erupted by Bloom's right hand as her magic matched her anger. A pair of wings appeared behind her back. "YOU AND YOUR STUPID JEALOUSY!" Bloom was furious with her friend.
Farah quickly stepped between the two girls, making sure that Bloom couldn't accidentally hurt her friend.
The mind fairy took a step forward and looked deep into the girls' eyes. "Bloom, I know that you are angry at Aisha for ruining your test, but you excelled at it. Please, calm down, and I assure you that we can talk this out."
The girl looked at the headmistress for a moment before she took a deep breath. Miss Dowling was right. She always was.
The fire fairy lowered her hand and let her wings vanish. Bloom slowly sat back in her seat, glancing at Aisha coldly.
The water fairy attempted to leave before she was grabbed by the headmistress. "You shall come with me to my office. Ad for everyone else, you did really great. Class dismissed. " Farah announced as her hand was wrapped around the girl's wrist without even looking at the teenager.
Aisha swallowed hard as everyone else were preparing their things to leave.
Farah turned to look at Bloom. "I shall see you later at... our spot." The headmistress decided, winking at Bloom.
The girl nodded with a small smile. She was so happy that the headmistress wasn't angry with her, even though this was literally the only good thing in her life at the moment.
꧁☾︎❥︎☽︎꧂
Farah had put on her coat as she walked out of Alfea. Her boots touched the grass underneath as she slowly walked to the place she and Bloom conversed for what they thought to be the last time.
The headmistress took her time, enjoying the magnificent view of Alfea's grounds at the end of the autumn.
She had reprimanded Aisha greatly for what she did to Bloom and reminded her that it was only normal for Bloom to feel angry and detached after what she lately discovered about her true identity and age.
Farah shook her head. She didn't expect a bunch of teenagers to understand how much trauma and regrets can impact someone's mental health.
The headmistress partially blamed herself because she should have seen that Bloom didn't just need some time, but she needed help. She needed guidance.
Farah finally reached the bench, and she admitted that she waited for Bloom to already be there.
Bloom was sitting on the bench, and at the same side, she sat during their previous conversation in this place and was looking at the school's grounds.
Farah slowly approached and sat down next to Bloom. "Good afternoon, Bloom. I hope you are feeling better."
The girl nodded quickly. "Yes. Yes, I do. Thank you again, Miss Dowling. I don't know what I would have done without you."
The woman smiled, gently patting Bloom's back. "It was the least I could do for you, Bloom...."
The girl smiled at her. "You don't owe me anything, miss Dowling."
Farah gently sighted as she gazed affectionately at the younger girl. "I'm aware, Bloom. However, I shall express my worry for your well-being."
Bloom frowned. "Miss Dowling. Only one of us came back from the dead, and that's not me. How have you been?"
The woman titled her head to the side. "You're avoiding the topic."
The redhead shook her head with an incredulous expression. "I am not."
Farah raised an eyebrow. "Bloom... I know you. You are lying."
The girl's eyes widened. "I- Aisha is just jealous! She believes that if I study a bit more, which I am doing, I'm going to become your favorite, and she- she wishes to be just that."
The older woman sighed and messaged her temples. "Bloom... I care about all of my students equally."
Bloom shook her head and leaned closer to the headmaster. "However, I'm no mere student like everybody else. I have the dragon flame. I killed Rosalind. You love me a little mo-"
Farah silenced the girl with a wave of her hand. The woman looked deep into Bloom's eyes. "So, this is what's all about? You and Aisha fighting for my affection? I can understand why Aisha is trying to be on my good side. She wants to succeed me after all... But you Bloom? You have done more than enough for me and the school?"
Bloom bited her lower lip and looked at the ground. She couldn't tell her the truth. "I- I just really value you. You mean a lot to-"
"Bloom." The woman cut her off. Her voice was serious.
Th girl swallowed hard, expecting her professor's rage. "Yes?"
Farah sighed and took Bloom's hand. "Pushing people away will get you nowhere."
Bloom shook her head quickly. "You don't understand, miss Dowling."
The woman intertwined their fingers. "As a matter of fact.... I think I do. You are still blaming yourself for everything."
Bloom looked at the elder woman with teary eyes. "I- No. Miss Dowling, I just wished to show you my appreciation for everything you have done for me."
Farah smiled sadly at the girl. "I appreciate that. But do you know what I would prefer more?"
Bloom shook her head. "What is it?" She asked excitedly.
The headmistress patted the girl's head. "For you to accept your mistake and move on."
The fire fairy's face fell. "But-"
"No buts! You made a mistake, and you fixed it. I'm so proud of you for achieving just that. There's no need to put yourself and your friends under all of this pain, pressure, and suffering." Farah cut the girl off.
Bloom looked at the woman with a sad facial expression. "Miss Dowling... I've done horrible things..."
The mind fairy shook her head as she took Bloom's face on her left hand. Her right hand was still wrapped around Bloom's left one. "Taking two terrible lives and saving over a thousand isn't considered as a horrible thing Bloom." The woman retorted.
A tear run down Bloom's cheek. The girl's whisper was barely heard as her voice shook. "I killed you."
Farah's eyes widened. The woman shook her head as she immediately pulled the girl into a tight hug. "No. No. No. Rosalind killed me, Bloom. You had nothing to do with it."
Bloom started crying in her professor's arms as Farah could do nothing but rub her back and whisper soothing words, assuring the girl of her heroic actions and her lack of involvement in her murder.
When Bloom's tears slowed down, the student looked up at the elder woman. "Can I... at least do something to show you how sorry I am?"
Farah smiled and caressed her cheek. "I believe that bringing me back to life and protecting Saul when he needed it is more than enough."
Bloom chuckled and pressed her head against her chest.
Farah hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head.
Things would never be as they used to in the very beginning, but from now on, neither of them would mind it.
It was for the best.
#eve best#farah dowling#farah#fate the winx club#fate winx saga#fate the winx saga#fate fanfic#fate winx#bloom peters
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