#i'm grateful for the gifts and the cards still weirdly enough

[pastafossa]

Today is hard again.

Pet loss TW below the cut.

Yesterday was better, thanks to Daredevil and Echo being a distraction, but today, there were just a couple things that hit me in a row.

Cato's ashes are ready to be picked up, along with his little pawprint. I want so badly to have him here. But there's also a part of me that doesn't want to go. Because if I do, if I go and pick him up in that little urn, that's it. It's official. My old kitten chow is gone. And bless the vet hospital because when I quietly said thank you and that I'd try not to cry when picking him up, they told me they understood, and I didn't have to worry about that.

Then my general vet, who is amazing and had been helping us keep Cato comfortable, also sent us this card which arrived today. And she included a small poem of the rainbow bridge, and some local pet loss support groups. So I cried over that for a while.

And then a final package arrived today from one of my friends and her family - a frame, with a space on one side for a picture of Cato, with a customized Pawprints poem on the other side. And then I just cried all over again, especially because the poem is so relevant - I did have to let him go. And I was there for him as he went, and it was peaceful, he did drift off, all while purring in my arms as I stared into his big blue eyes one last time. So then I had to go cry over that.

I'm grateful for all of it. But god does it still hurt, and I miss him so, so much.