#i'm glad i picked it up at the library cause i just thought 'oh cool dino novel'

[hiddenzev]

Second Confession: Part 4

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Joel realises his feelings after seeing reader and Emile spending more time with each other.

Chapter Warnings - Angst, One-sided love, Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 7.2K

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: Y'all I don't even know how I'm writing longer and longer as each chapter goes by. Thank you for the comments and likes, i'm living for it. Love yall! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. It's not as angsty as what some of you hope for tho.

You walk into the cafeteria the next morning to see Emile sitting with the group for breakfast. What the hell? It must be Tommy’s doing for sure. This man interferes too much and sometimes you just want to strangle him. You fill your tray up with the menu of the day before walking slowly to the table, cursing under your breath.

Tommy notices you coming and calls out your name. You put on a fake smile, intensely staring at Tommy for pulling Emile in for breakfast with the group. He raises his eyebrows with a big smile, communicating with you silently to play it cool. You kisses your teeth to restrain yourself from calling him out. As a matter of fact, you almost slap his head when you passed right by him before rounding the table to take a seat.

You were too locked in on Tommy that you didn’t realise that you took a seat right next to Joel. Until you were seated down, that’s when you realise Ellie isn’t by your side. She had swapped her seats with Joel. Before this, you were panicking on not knowing what to say to Emile but now you were nervous, sitting almost thigh to thigh with Joel.

“Good Morning.” you squeezed that out with a strained smile after taking a seat.

You receive a couple of replies and some nods. Emile who sits right opposite you couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Good Morning.” Emile said looking at you, smiling with anticipation behind his eyes.

You give him a polite smile in return before digging in your food. You are only a few bites in and Emile speaks up again.

“How are you? I didn’t see you in the library for awhile,” he asks with a worried look on his face.

“I’m good. I just needed time to myself and get it together again. That’s all,” you explain.

“Oh. Did something happened?”

“Umm, no, nothing for you to worry about. I’m okay,”

“Well, if you say so. I’m glad you’re okay,”

“Thank you.”

You move your hand to pick up your fork to eat again when he opens his mouth to talk, causing you to halt your movements. You put down your fork feeling a little annoyed because you’re hungry and you want to eat. Don’t let your girl get hangry.

“I was just missing seeing that pretty face of yours in the library.” he looks down bashfully, stuffing his face with his food.

You don’t know how to react. Your mouth keeps opening and closing slightly, like a fish, not knowing what to say. You glance to Tommy, who’s sitting beside Emile, for help but this dude is just side eyeing you. Everyone one else was just silently wanting to hear what you would say.

“Oh, t-thanks. It’s nice of you to say that,” you stutters, feeling shy about the compliment.

“I’m not just saying that. You really are beautiful,” he blushes looking at you to say that.

“Thank you.” you said in a small voice, nodding your head awkwardly and breaks the eye contact to look at the table.

You are fiddling with your food, lost in thoughts, when you feel Joel’s elbow grazing yours. That makes you feel the shivers running through your body. How is it when Emile who is flirting with you, did not make you feel anything but when Joel’s elbow are grazing yours, it makes you feel hot? That’s it. You need to lie down and roll on some grass.

He quickly finishes his food and gets up to leave without saying anything. Tommy watches his brother scurrying off until he is out of sight. Lots of thoughts running through his head. You don’t even want to look at Joel leaving so you just keep on eating and talking with Emile.

Since that breakfast, Emile has been joining the group for breakfast and some of the dinners. You have been friendly with him even though you’re not usually open to people but he does seem sincere from what you learn about him from his time here. You do want to befriend him, taking this chance to change your cooped up self and socialise.

He makes an effort to do things for you and also with you. You appreciate it a lot but you kind of feel bad thinking you’re leading him on. You just want to be friends first and not jump into anything rashly.

You open the door and see Emile holding some flowers with a big smile on his face. His face is slightly red, burning up from the shyness.

“Hey, good morning! I got you these pretty little things along the fences out back,” he holds out a bunch of wildflowers that he picked towards you, “they remind me of you.”

You take it from him and brings it close to your face to smell it. It feels wonderful to be given flowers and you don’t even remember the last time someone gave you one.

“Awww, thank you! This is so sweet.” You thank him with an awe look on your face before turning around to put the flowers in an old vase that you found.

Emile is still standing outside, looking inside at what you are doing and occasionally touching the back of his hair nervously. You quickly get your bag and locks the door to not keep him waiting. Emile is walking you to the ranch this morning. He offers to accompany you a few days ago after hearing that you will be on patrol duty that day. The eagerness in his striking blue eyes made you feel bad to turn him down. So here he is walking out with you.

“Thank you for the flowers, Emile. You don’t have to do that.” You thank him again.

He’s been giving you flowers after his solo walks within the town. He’s not able to go outside because he’s lacking the skills on those areas and that is why he’s with the books. He’s a sweet guy with a soft heart that it makes you wonder how did he even survive for this long.

You remember vaguely that he came to Jackson with a small group of people consisting of mostly strong men and only a couple of women and small children. He’s always with the rowdy bunch of men in that group and he stands out like a sore thumb. He’s so out of place there but you don’t really question it because they probably saved him from the horrors that happened outside.

“You’re welcome. I’ve always thought that you’re a cool person so I really want to give those flowers to you. I thought you would love it, y’know,”

“I love it but I feel like I owe you something for all the flowers you have given me,”

“Nah, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it.” He gestures that it’s fine.

You both make your way to the ranch with nonstop talking. You find that it’s easy to talk with Emile. He don’t just cut you off and dismisses what you said. He don’t ignore you and tells you to keep your mouth shut. He don’t give you a dirty look for rambling on and on about the things you are passionate about. Unlike someone.

Meanwhile, back in Joel’s house, he sees everything that’s happening. Ever since Emile was brought up into the conversation, he’s been feeling out of sorts. He sees the way Emile looks at you with so much adoration. He sees Emile being nervous when you’re not looking. He sees Emile making the effort to be close to you.

He knows Emile is one of the good guys in Jackson. He should be glad that at least Emile is treating you well as you deserves it. Joel’s not a good person. He has done a lot of bad things that he thinks are unforgivable. You should not be with him because you could do so much better than his stoic and grumpy ass. He doesn’t know how to break his shell and communicate his feelings better.

You’re tough, resilient, stand on your business type of woman but you’re also stubborn, impatient at times and be lost in your thoughts whenever you can. At first, he thinks you’re adorable actually but he doesn’t want to admit it. He keeps his distance away from you to not get too soft on his feelings. You’re charming in your own way and Joel finds you irresistible after realising your true feelings and the effort that you put in for him.

Yes, he had suspected that you have feelings for him. Like Tommy said, only a fool wouldn’t see it but he ignored it. He has his own demons that he struggles with and he doesn’t want to entertain something that may not be worth risking his heart for. He’s tired of losing the people that he loves and cares about so he keeps his circle small.

Seeing you smiling at Emile when he’s giving you the flowers, he can’t help but feel his heart drops to his stomach. You look so contented and it hurts that he’s the reason of your tears not too long ago. He feels stupid now that when someone else is trying to win your heart, that’s when he gets the urge to do something about it.

He sighs heavily and takes a moment before stepping out of his house. He has to endure seeing you and Emile most of the time now and he’s going to hate seeing how both of you get on so well with each other.

Emile has been walking you to and fro from patrols for two weeks now. It’s lovely that he never fails to show up and keeps you company. Even though there are times when you want to be alone, you don’t mind it because it’s exhilarating seeing Joel’s reaction to seeing Emile with you.

The patrols with Joel were as per usual except you caught him multiple times staring at you. He would also try to make small talks, asking you a couple of questions before completely keeping his silence. You would answer shortly with a slight animosity, giving back the energy that he has given you before. Do you still have feelings for him? Yeah. Do you feel bad for him? No….okay, maybe a little bit but who cares. You’re going to enjoy it for awhile.

You’re sitting on one of your chairs in your back porch, sipping on your hot tea. You have the book that you are currently reading closed on the table beside you. You’ve been catching up on your reading now after that whole confession fiasco with Joel. The library has been one of the places you visited to let your mind be lost in fiction instead of your miserable reality. In addition to that, Emile is there as well to keep the atmosphere lighthearted by checking up on you time to time.

However, this peace did not last long. Strangely, Joel has been coming to the library more often. You did not find it weird at first since you know he do read sometimes. Most of the time you would see him come in straight inside without saying anything to Emile at the front desk. Then, he would take his time to browse the books while glancing around as if to find something that is on his mind.

You observe him from your seat in the corner that is hidden from plain sight due to the shelves. Every time after he sees you, he would go to find a seat with any book that he is holding in his hands without any thoughts. He sits on a table further away facing you and you catch that his ears go red whenever you peek a glance at him. You keep that observation in the back of your mind, not knowing what to think of it.

You do shy away from the eye contact at the start. Distracted by his appearances in the library that now, you subconsciously anticipate him to visit the library when you do. You usually don’t want to think much about it so you won’t get your hopes up again stupidly but you do have your fair share of strange suspicions from him. Not just from the library, you see him lingering around at the places you would bump into him, like the bar, town hall, barn, etc. Whenever you are with Emile and you catch him looking, his face is always scowling while looking away.

You get out of your thoughts of Joel acting strange after you hear your name being called by Ellie from the front of your house. You take your tea and book inside before hurrying to the front door. You open the door to see her standing with a tight smile, holding something in her hands.

“What’s up?” You ask her with a confused look on your face, not expecting to see her.

“Thought you might want some company. I brought dinner,” she holds up the bag of food to tempt you.

“Sure, come in.” You invite her in the house.

Ellie goes straight to the kitchen to put down the food. Both of you help each other to set up the table to eat. After a couple of quick movements, you and Ellie are finally seated down facing each other.

“It’s been awhile since we hang out just the two of us,” she takes a little bite out of her vegetables.

“Yeah, I guess there’s been a lot of things going on.” You reply to her while picking at your food a little bit.

Ellie shares everything that has been happening with her. She talks about school and her friend, Dina, mostly. You have always thought that Dina is more than just a friend to Ellie from the way she talks about her. It’s cute but you’re going to let Ellie realise her feelings herself and talk to you about it at her own pace.

You listen to everything that she says and answers any questions that she has about the things she’s curious about. Eventually, she talks about Joel which is bound to happen anyway because she lives with that guy.

“Joel has been a little weird, man” she shares.

“How?” You question her, not giving that information that you find him acting strange too.

“I don’t know. He seems restless, moving around the house trying to find something to fix or whatever. It’s making me stressed.” She grumbles while shoving food in her mouth.

You just nod your head to her complaining.

“I’ve noticed that he plays the guitar a lot more now at the back porch, sometimes late into the night.”

Your mind goes to the guitar pick that you gave him. You wonder whether he still has it.

“Oh! He’s finishing the chess set soon. I think he said that he got a couple of pieces left before he’s done with it. I can’t wait to learn and play it.” She smiles at you excitedly.

“That’s good to hear. I bet you would be coop up in the house pestering him to play with you.” You grin at her after seeing her contagious smile. She giggles imagining herself doing that.

“I’ve seen the pieces that he’s done but there was one that stood out to me,” she smirks at you.

“What?” You genuinely ask her while picking up your glass to drink.

“It’s the only one with a lighter shade and has initials at the bottom of it unlike the rest.” She looks at you knowingly.

You almost spits out your drink but you keep it in causing you to cough painfully. Ellie looks at you concerned.

“You good?”

You nod while clearing your throat a little bit. She stares at you for a moment before speaking up.

“I’ve seen the initials. It’s yours isn't it?” She asks softly.

You pick at your food and finish the last bit on your plate. You look at her and sighs heavily before nodding your head defeatedly.

“Was that why you ask that question during the Never Have I Ever game?”

“Yeah,” her mouth curls at the sides.

“You little shit,” you scoffs remembering that game night.

“Did you give him that night when you confessed?” This time she asks with a serious tone.

“I didn’t tell you guys about that but yeah, together with a guitar pick and a letter.” You confess to her about it shyly.

“That’s sweet,” she gives you a reassuring smile. You smile at her before it slips thinking about that night’s harsh rejection by Joel.

“I thought he would throw it away,” you said in a somber voice, “didn't know he still has it.” You voice trails off, distracted by your thoughts of your chess piece among his.

“You know,-“ she pauses for a moment, hesitant to say the thing that is on her mind, “there are times I’ve seen him holding that piece and just stare at it.” Ellie observes you while trying to drink nonchalantly but her clumsiness overpowers it.

‘’What are you trying to say?” Your eyes narrows towards her.

“Maybe he’s been thinking of you,” she shrugs her shoulders, raising her eyebrows with a little curl at one side of her mouth that you do not miss.

“Maybe he’s regretting what he did.” Ellie stands up to clear up the plates since the both of you are done with dinner.

You help out as well, wiping the table and countertop. The thoughts of what Ellie said bothers you while you are cleaning. After you are done, you lean your hip on the countertop and turns to Ellie who is still washing the dishes.

“You really think that he have feelings for me and is regretting his actions?” You ask for her opinion, staring at her side profile.

“Yeah and he’s probably feeling shitty about it. We all know he sucks at talking about his own feelings.” She wipes her hands on a towel before turning her body to you. “Hopefully he got the balls to apologise and make up to you soon.” She brushes past you to get a glass of water and heads to the living room.

You sit down on the sofa beside her, sighing heavily while you rest your head back on the sofa. You close your eyes trying to not let this soften your heart more for Joel. You are already weak for the man and you don’t want to easily forgive and forget what happened.

“Got nothing to tell me about Emile?” She slurps on her drink and eyes you suspiciously, smirking.

“What about him?” You open your eyes, frowning slightly.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together. I’m just wondering how you feel about him now.” She turns to face you, folding her legs underneath her to listen to what you have to say.

You got no choice but to sit up straight seeing the excitement in her eyes. The smile that you try to hide slowly appears on your face. The way she wriggles her eyebrows up and down earns a scoff from you. You shake your head slowly at her innocence, reminding you of when you and your friends were talking about boys back in the days.

“He’s a nice guy. Sweet and polite. Comfortable to talk to, y’know.” You give her a forced smile trying to convince her. Nodding your head a couple times as if to tell yourself as well that there was nothing else to say.

“But?” She probes you for an answer with one raised eyebrow, suspecting there is more to the story.

“Nothing. That’s all.”

“Oh come on! Don’t lie to me,” she slaps her hands on her thighs and look in your eyes, not backing down.

“There’s nothing!” You raise your hands, palms facing up. “That’s what I’m saying.” Eyes wide, telling her the truth.

She looks at you with eyebrows pinched, confused look on her face. You take a moment to take a deep breath.

“I don’t feel anything more than a friend with him. Seriously. He reminds me of a close friend of mine in college. I miss that goofy ass fucker so much.” You laugh softly, thinking about your dear friend, Kai, that had been there for you through the rough patch of your young adult life.

You don’t know what happened to him after the outbreak. The last you heard from him was that he’s going overseas to start his own business abroad. Whenever you are down, you can hear him in your head telling you to keep your head up.

Ellie watches you reminiscing about your friend and you can see that her smile slowly fades as if she is thinking about one of her friends too. You had no intention to bring the mood down by thinking about the past so you keep on talking.

“Yeah. Also, he’s way too sweet for me. I’ve never seen that man pick up a gun before, not even a knife. Never gotten into a fight since he came here,”

“Oh wow. Even I almost got into a fight the first day here.” She looks away with an embarrassed smile.

“Of course you would.” Both of you laugh at the memory of Ellie getting agitated on her first day in Jackson.

“He’s lovely but the guys he hangs around with are assholes,” you can’t help but throw a disgusted look on your face thinking about Emile’s group of friends.

“I’ve noticed.” Ellie rolls her eyes.

“It seems like he owes them his life and can’t get himself out of their circle. I’m not surprised because he do seems like an angel, way too kind to other people.” You solemnly say thinking about how they treat Emile like a pushover sometimes.

You turn around to lean your back against the sofa again. Ellie stays put and as she looks around the house, she could see the window facing their house and catches Joel returning from his dinner at the cafeteria.

“Total opposite than that old fucker.” Her eyes are still fixed on Joel.

Your head snaps abruptly to her after hearing that and you turn your body completely to see who she is looking at even though you lowkey (pardon my gen z language lmao) have a clue who she is talking about. The view of Joel’s broad back can be seen heading to his front door with his head down. You wonder what’s on his mind. You absentmindedly stares at the house even when Joel is long gone from your sight.

“You still like him, do you?” You look at her, seeing a playful smirk on her face as she looks at you to prove her point wrong.

You stands up to face her, tilting your head to the door. “I think it’s time for me to get ready for bed.”

She do not make any moves except making an exaggerated face at you, rejecting your answer to her question. You laugh at her funny face, finding it really hilarious.

“Get your ass up and go,” you laughter eventually dies down. You clap your hands once, tilting your head again to the door, wanting her to leave.

She grumbles as she gets up and gathers her stuff. Ellie can’t help herself from teasing you, “I know you still like him.” She says in a singsong manner.

Only thing you could do is just to shake your head slowly with a lopsided smile on your face. You follow her to the door before she faces you again.

“I’m going to kick his ass until he get his shit together,” she determinedly says with a serious look on her face.

“If you say so, Ellie, I can’t stop you.” You raises your hands, palms by the side of your face in a surrendering way.

You open the door for her to walk out and both of you bid goodnight to each other.

The following night, Joel is found seated in his usual spot in Tipsy Bison. He is already a couple of drinks in than his usual intake in Jackson. There is a lot going on in his head and he wants to shut it out using alcohol. Tommy and Maria is seen walking towards Joel after spotting him as soon as he steps into the bar. Joel doesn’t know how but Tommy always coincidentally find him when there is something bothering him. It’s annoying but he’s grateful that his brother is always there for him.

“Are you drunk already?” Tommy eyes Joel closely. He lets Maria sit inside the booth first before sitting down next to her, opposite of Joel.

“No,” Joel grumbles before muttering again in a small voice, “just a little bit tipsy.”

“Something on your mind?” Tommy asks concernedly.

Joel didn’t answer, looking down at his glass, swirling the drink around in one hand. Maria who senses that she should let them talk privately, stands up and let Tommy know she’s getting drinks for the both of them.

When Maria walks away, Tommy asks Joel again, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Joel purses his lips, staring at his little brother.

Tommy definitely knows that Joel is lying but he lets it slide. He knows Joel will come around and tell him the truth eventually. They both wait until Maria comes back with the drinks. As usual, the three of them are talking about the developments of Jackson and how to implement more improvements on certain areas when Joel sees you and Emile walking into the bar. He stops listening to what Tommy is saying immediately, his head is miles away from the conversation in just a snap of a finger.

Emile leads the way to a table for two that is empty, quite near the area Tommy, Maria and Joel are sitting. You are so into the conversation with Emile that you do not even stop talking as you sit down. Your seat is facing Joel but you still hasn’t notice him yet. You are talking about your favourite movies, debating with Emile, which 90s romcom is the best.

(Spoiler alert! If you haven’t watch ’10 things I Hate About You’ and ‘You’ve Got Mail”, I’m sorry)

“Nothing can top ’10 Things I Hate About You’ come on. Patrick, the so-called ‘bad & dangerous’ boy, got paid to take Kat, which is a girl boss by the way, on a date.” You try to convince Emile.

“Then he falls for her, she falls harder and then she got hurt thinking it was all fake when it’s not, then he bought her the guitar that she ever wanted and they kissed! Voila!”  You explain the storyline animatedly, moving your hands around wildly.

“But have you seen ‘You’ve Got Mail’?” Emile shoots you an even more thrilled look.

“Of course,” you reply in a disbelieving look.

“The perfect enemies to lovers. The. Best.” Emile emphasises on the the last two words.

“You know what’s underrated?”

“What?”

“French Kiss.” You state it with a straight face.

“Wh-what?” Emile asks with widened eyes, eyebrows shoot up as high as it can go.

You hear someone coughing badly nearby but you don’t check who it is. It is actually Joel that is coughing. He was eavesdropping the entire time, watching you talk with so much passion about the movie. He obviously does not watch romcoms unless Sarah wants to. He heard about the movie you’re talking about before but did not have a chance to watch it.

Tommy and Maria were caught up in their own conversations that they didn’t notice you since you are not in their view or recognise your voice. Joel did not expect you to say French Kiss which caused him to choke on his drink. He covered his mouth as he coughs.

“Are you okay?” Tommy turns back to Joel hearing him coughing.

“Yeah.” Joel says in a strained voice, cleaning up where he had made a mess.

Are you flirting with Emile? Is that a hint that you want to kiss Emile? All kinds of thoughts are racing through his mind. He was not able to hear your explanation for that because he was coughing and was taken aback to process anything.

“French Kiss. The one with Meg Ryan in it as well.” you say, oblivious to what you had accidentally implied.

“Oh. The movie.” You find that Emile replies in a weird tone and you notice that his face is turning red. You do not say anything about it and continue to talk.

“Yeah. Have you seen it?”

“Unfortunately, no.” A disappointing smile on Emile’s face.

“Aw man, it’s kinda silly but I like that movie. Wish you could watch it.” Both of you finally comes back to reality knowing that there is zero chance that you could watch it again.

You hear your name being called and you look towards where the sound came from. Tommy is waving his arms to catch your attention but that wasn't what caught your eye. It is the man that is staring at you with a softness in his eyes that you have never seen in him before. You don't break eye contact with him until Tommy invites you to join them.

“You go first, I’ll get us something to drink.” Emile suggests and nods his head towards them. His hand rest on your shoulder for a moment to indicate that he will be back soon.

You thank Emile before making your way to them. As you come closer, Joel slides in more into the booth to give you some space to sit. It will be awkward for you to reject his gesture so you suck it up and sits beside him, facing Tommy directly.

“I didn’t see you just now, did y’all just came in?” Tommy asks you.

“Yeah, a couple minutes ago.” You nod your head profusely, your eyes darting from Tommy to Maria continuously. “What were you guys talking about?” You question, not knowing what else to talk about.

Maria explain to you that they were discussing about Jackson and how to progress it into a better community. You try to focus on what she is saying but the presence beside you cannot be ignored and you can’t seem to be able to turn your head to look at him.

Emile approaches and put down the drinks towards your side of the table. He is awkwardly standing trying to figure out where to sit. You move in towards Joel, your thighs and arms in contact with his and the three of you squeeze into one side of the booth. You lean forward to sip on your drink with your elbows on the table, trying not to touch Joel’s arms.

Tommy and Maria are amused by what’s happening, quietly observing you. You raises your eyebrows at the couple asking them to help you from this awkwardness. They glance at each other while trying not to smile.

“So I’ve seen the both of you together a lot these days.” Tommy gestures to you and Emile to address the situation.

“Yeah, we’ve been hanging out.” You reply shortly to Tommy in a casual tone. “Why?”

“I’m just glad that you look happier and relaxed,” Tommy genuinely smiles at you.

“Well, it’s all thanks to Emile,” you look to Emile beaming at him, “you’ve been a great friend to me.”

“You too. I’m always here if you need me.” Emile look you in the eyes with a reassuring smile.

Joel clears his throat and taps his fingers on the table restlessly. Your face fell hearing that noise and turns back towards the table with your jaws clenched.

“You both good to go on a supply run next week? Just the two of you, like patrols.” Maria chimes in, asking you and Joel specifically.

You look over your shoulder at Joel and see that he’s already looking at you to gauge your reaction. His hand is scratching his beard back and forth mindlessly. He wants to know if you’re okay with it first before agreeing.

“I’m good,” you answer as you lean back against the booth which causes you to hunch your shoulders slightly due to the small space you have in between the men.

Maria looks at Joel for his reply and Joel gives her a sharp nod agreeing with you.

“It’s going to be further away than the previous times. Probably gonna be two days trip so get ready for that. I’ll tell you guys the details when it’s nearer to that day.” Maria explains without breaking any eye contact on either one of you.

The conversation continues between Maria and Emile as they talk about his duties and whether or not he has enough help in the library. As it goes on, you let the information of the supply run process in your head. It’s going to be a two days trip to look for more supplies with Joel. The longest time you’ve been with Joel alone is your usual patrols with him which last half a day only. How are you going to survive this trip? It’s funny that you’re more worried about Joel than being out there for 2 days.

Joel must have been worrying about the same thing because you can see him fidgeting with his hands that are resting on his thighs. His hands stop moving and your eyes slowly move up to his face. You freeze, not able to look anywhere else as he gazes into your eyes. To you, it seems like there is a lot that he’s saying behind those eyes. It isn’t threatening, It isn’t menacing. It isn’t judging you. He appears to look in your eyes as if to memorise the details of it. You can almost hear your heartbeat growing faster and faster.

Oblivious to you both, Tommy is watching everything that is happening. He has been secretly hoping for Joel to finally realise his feelings for you and make a move. Although it’s kind of shitty of him to use Emile but whatever it takes for that big brother of his to do something about it.

“Hey Emile, wanna join us for pool?” One of Emile’s friends, Jack, comes by the table to invite him to a game of pool.

Emile looks behind over Jack to see his group of friends at the pool table waiting for him.

“You can bring your mummy along if you want.” Jack points at you with a creepy smirk. He’s eyeing you up and down making you feel disgusted and angry.

“Uh-“ Emile tries to say something but you interrupt him.

“I’m not his mummy,” you snap at him with a deep frown on your face.

“Yeah right,” he scoffs, “you’ve been keeping him to yourself for weeks, who knows what you’re doing with him.”

You’re so close to getting up and punching the asshole in the face when Joel slams the table with his fist, causing everyone to flinch. You do not have to turn around to know how angry Joel is. You can see from Jack’s face that he’s now realising that there’s a big bad wolf waiting to pounce on him from beside you. Tommy’s body already facing Jack, ready to grab him if he says anything else.

“Fuck off before I break your fucking jaw.” Joel barks at him.

Jack scurries away, leaving the table in silence. You can hear Joel’s shallow breath from the anger.

“I’m sorry,” Emile mutters in a weak voice, his eyes facing downwards.

“You’re gonna keep your friend in check or what?” Joel growls at Emile.

You quickly turn your head around to face Joel angrily. Joel is not breaking his gaze from Emile. His eyebrows are pressed together, jaws clenched. Oh he is as furious as you.

“Or are you running your mouth to them as well that I need to straighten you out too?!” He hiss at him, leaning his body towards Emile to get his point across while you are caught in the middle. He’s almost caging you and there is no space left for you to lean back so you put your hands firmly on Joel’s shoulders, stopping him from pushing.

“Joel!” You look at him with a stern look causing him to look at you. Your hands are still on his strong and broad shoulders, which you wish you are touching them at a different circumstances.

“Enough.” You ordered.

Your hands slowly fall from his shoulders reluctantly. He sighs, looking away from you and moves back a little to give you space. You turn to face Emile again.

“You’re gonna go to them?” You asks him in a low voice, feeling sympathetic seeing him shaking slightly.

“I have to. I’m sorry for what he said,” He whispers, looking at you sadly.

“It’s not your fault. Let me know if anything happens, okay?” You reassure Emile, placing your hand on his arm.

He nods at you before getting up to face the rest, “I’m sorry, guys, for what happened.” HIs hands interlocked with each other as he looks at everyone on the table with a apologetic look on his face.

Tommy and Maria gives him a small nod in reply. Joel doesn’t even look at Emile, only gripping his glass hard. Emile walks off hesitantly towards his friends.

You face Joel, not wanting to let what he said to Emile slides.

“What was that?” You blurt out at him

“What?” He looks at you annoyed.

“Why did you lashed out on Emile?”

“That asshole is his friend. He should know better to keep his friend’s mouth shut.”

“It’s not his fault that his friend is an asshole.”

“So you’re gonna defend that boyfriend of yours now?”

You roll your eyes and sighs heavily. You move out of the booth, pointing at Joel and to yourself.

“You. Me. Outside. Now.” You stare down at Joel.

Joel looks up at you, seeing you ordering him around for the first time.

“I’m serious.” Not backing down even though he’s giving you his meanest face.

“Sorry guys, I’ll see y’all around. G’night.” You say to Tommy and Maria with tight lips. You look at Joel again and indicate with your head that you will wait for him outside.

The chilly air greets you as you step out of the bar. You can tell that the snow is going to come soon. You head to the bench by a tree right beside the bar to wait. You didn’t have to wait long before you see Joel heading towards you. He stops a couple steps away from you, rubbing his hands together, feeling the coldness of the night.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You get to the point right away. You want to clear every single speck of air between the two of you.

“Excuse me?” Joel frowns, not believing what he just heard.

“Did you not hear what I just said? I said,” you take a step closer to him, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” you enunciated every word clearly to him, almost shouting because you are so angry and confused with him.

“You’re asking what is wrong with me?” He points at himself, one brow lifted.

You nod your head, eyes wide looking at him.

“No, what is wrong with you? You’re the one that keeps hanging around with that boyfriend of yours who cannot even stand up for himself.” he argues.

“He’s not my boyfriend! Also, you don’t even talk to him to know that he’s struggling to put up with that bunch of assholes.” you move your arms wildly, arguing with him.

“Oh give me a break,” he crosses his arms and lean his weight on one side, “I see him coming over to your house all the time.”

You look at him weirdly, “So?”

“So?” He sneers.

You gestures at him to continue his argument. He looks away for a moment, closing his eyes as if to gather his thoughts and looks at you again with a determined look on his face.

“So what Joel?”

“So you have feelings for him?” he mutters with a strained voice, feeling embarrassed with what he just asked.

“Me and Emile are just friends. Just like me and Tommy.” you don’t even know why you are explaining this to him.

“I see him bringing you flowers all the time,”

“And?”

“And I see how you look at him. Like how you look at me before everything that happened.”

You let out a sigh, looking down at your feet, tired of his hot and cold attitude.

“Joel, you rejected me like almost two months ago, literally saying I was stupid to have a crush on you in the apocalypse and that you don’t give a fuck about me.” You reiterate what he said to you.

“And now you’re here being jealous just because some other man wants me now? I don’t understand what you want from me, Joel. So please kindly explain yourself.”

He uncrosses his arms and take a step closer to you. He looks down at his boots, pursing his lips, gathering the courage to speak about his true feelings.

“I’m sorry.” His gaze moves to your face, eyebrows saddled.

Oh hell no. You have to keep it together to not fall for his big brown puppy eyes. This is the first time you can see that he’s being regretful for his actions.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I was being insensitive to you and there is no excuse for that. You’ve always tried to be nice to me but I was being a dick and kept pushing you away. And now I see him around you all the time and it hurts,” he closes the distance between the both of you, “it hurts to see that I’m not the one making you smile, I’m not the one making you laugh and I’m not the one holding you.” you look up at him, staring at his pleading eyes.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make it all up to you,” he whispers, you can feel his soft breath on your face. His fingers grazing yours and he timidly takes your pinky finger in his index finger and his thumb.

"Please forgive me." he begs you.

Your eyes are lock on his, silence fills the air surrounding the both of you.

"Give me some time and space to think about it. I'll get back to you, okay?" you let him know with a small voice before you get your pinky finger out of his grasp.

He nods at you slowly before moving his body out of your space, letting you breathe properly.

"It's getting cold out here, you better get back inside.” You move slowly out of the way to head home. “I'll head home first, goodnight."

"Goodnight, get home safely." he softly says before heading back inside to the Tipsy Bison.

You walk back to your house with so many thoughts running through your head. You already know that it's going to be a long night for you before you are able to sleep.

Thank you for reading this chapter! Reader folding over the slightest bit of Joel displaying his emotions is so me coded lmao. I will update the finale in two weeks time!

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm @macaroni676 @whirlwindrider29 @vickie5446 @uncassettodiricordi

[the-starry-seas]

I just finished The Meister of Decimen City and it was amazing

canon ace protagonist who's an absolute nerd? the funniest possible way of addressing all the shit allos say to ace people? portrayal of childhood trauma so realistic and heartfelt I had to stare into space for a minute? actual real dinosaurs having superhuman intelligence? actual real baby dinosaurs? a cat dimension? the funniest fuckin side characters you could ever imagine? polyamorous tyrannosaurs?

it's got it all go read it rn

[ddymarie]

Hawks x blk reader smut

💋

Warning: Daddy kink, choking ( light) smut let me know if I missed any!!

Summary: you and your study buddy Hawks finally hit it off and become one after a Brain break.

Fire and desire - drake

" I dedicate to you"

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

You're sitting in the campus library picking out important details for and essay topic pausing once you heat foot steps come near your table. It was keigo or who others know was Hawks. Keigo was just your study buddy that you had developed a massive crush on. But I mean shit... Look at em. Fine asf and smart. Brave pearly whites with a contagious smile and laugh.

" y/n " he greets you while giving you a half hug. He sat in the chair across from you pulling out his notebook. "You look a little tense, you good? " he asked concerned

"No, I can't find anything to write about" you sigh drowning yourself in yet another book. Keigo reaches over the table takes up ur pencil outta your hand and sets it to the side. You look up at him " Kei-" you start to say "Take a break " He says "Tell me about the bolder blocking your path " says.

He smiles once he sees your eyes soften and your shoulder relaxes " I couldn't focus today in class. Usually, I wouldn't stress about things like this but. Mr. Hyde was giving an important lecture about the essay I'm supposed to write and I keep zoning out when reading pages. " glad you got that out of the system.

" it's all cool, I understand, I have my moments too, " he says

He always knew what to say, how to soak your panties and-

" come on let's head out " he finished interrupting your thoughts

Quickly you pack up your guys' things and head out to his Jeep. He unlocks the door and you hop in, in the passenger seat beside him. Starting the car he drives off to an unknown destination. You both arrive at his house after the drive. Walking you inside and taking you to his bedroom

" how I am supposed to relax I'm here " you question. " watch " he responded. Pulling out a face mask and those glass balls shits. And jade rollers.

" what the hell" you chuckle looking at him in pure confusion.

A few minutes later you both are crying because he tried waxing with you he shaving his chest hair while you got rid of your leg hair.

" oh shit " you laugh hysterically at Hawks . " stop fucking laughing and help me! " he shouts in pain. " okay, okay " you scoot closer to him all up in his face but face to chest. You browse from in the determination of snatching the wax off.

"AHHHH" Hawks screamed bloody murder

Plopping himself on the floor on his back and playing dead.

You left his room going to the kitchen he and yourself a bottle of water. Returning only to find him in that same position you stand over him opening the water bottle and pouring it into his unexpecting mouth. Causing him to choke. "HAH, YOU STILL DEAD BIRDIE" your laugh. He sits up " shit I was about to be, nearly fucking making me drown " He looked you in the face for a while. During that time you notice his go from being soft and tame to looking predatory as ever. Like he was watching his prey.

You both take the time to live In enjoyable silence. Leaning closer, and closer... and closer.

Your lips touch

Your lips fit together like they were the missing piece in the puzzle.

" fuck~" he moaned the kiss had me gasping for air. Only for it to be cut off again.

You grab him by his face going tongue deep battling for dominance

He won of course.

Hawks then pulled you up with him on his lap by your juicy thighs. Kissing you just as hungry as before. Setting you on his bed he breaks the kiss.

"Do you like me, y/n?" he asked.

" i-i um I don't know, " you say

"You ain't gotta hide it dove. I like you too" he said. "But the real question is how far are willing to take it from here," he said while looking down at your fitted bodies

You snatch another kiss from him. His hands slide under your shirt and up your back.

'Bingo' he thinks. He's found your bra clasps. You feel him smile within the kiss causing you to whine

" more, Kei" you plead. " I got you baby " he swore Unclapsing your bra and to feel your tits. Pinching your nipples. You pull away to moan " mmm~" while yanking off your shirt. He takes this time to savor the moment of his newly blank canvas... All he could think of is how he's gonna paint it...

Laying you gently on his bed. He gets up walking to his tall dresser where his tv sat above. Grabbing... Lube??! Ohh, trust y'all won't be needing any of that. Pussy so wet it should be considered a newly found ocean.

Throwing the lube on the bed. He began taking off his pants. You could now see his HUGE ASS BLUDGE. His dick looked so fat in his boxers. And the wet spot on the side where his tip touched.

He then withdrew his boxers. Dick was so heavy it fell back down between his thighs looking like a third leg. Walking towards you grabbing you by your ankles and pulling you to the edge of the bed where he then removed your pants and panties in one pull.

You scoot back up the bed you could feel him chase you too. All almost about to plant a knee on the bed. You stop him with your foot.

Pretty feet decorated with a gold anklet accessorized with the charms of your choice. And nice white toes. "Kiss 'em, Keigo" You look at him seductively. Nudging him a little with the foot on his chest.

As horny as he was he obliged kissing your feet and then tossing that leg over his shoulder.

Ravishing yours. The mouth on yours. His lips begin traveling downward from your mouth. Changed from kissing to sucking on your neck. Went from sucking to licking down your body. Stopped right at the place where your happy trail would be. Keigo then halted all movements and peered at up you with golden eyes. Filled with fire, and desire. He was asking for permission to proceed.

" Please Keigo, I want it" you mewl

With that, he threw your other leg over his free shoulder. Immediately getting to work on your clit sucking, and tongue fucking. He was hungry...

"Oh~ fuck, SHIT! " moaned as he inserted a finger in your hole. Curving them on that spongey spot.

After feeling how tight you were around his one finger. He groaned. Sucking on your clit harder while making eye contact.

He wanted your eyes on him as he worked. But they weren't... He removed his mouth from his rather preferred to place to be

Only to insert two more fingers in your hole. Causing your eyes to go wide you see him cast over you. Hand creeping up your neck to your chin where he tilted your head up causing you to lock eyes with his

" look at me when I'm fucking you, " Keigo says mean and dark

" I know you hear that. Fuck you wet as fuck Soaking my bed already ain't even cum yet or did ya? " he says teasing you even more. Their fingers go even deeper licking his lips as he watches you bite yours.

You were about to come you both knew.

" F-fuck, Daddy I'm about to come, mmm, can I come, can I come " you moaned pleaded begged. And with that devilish smirk on that angle touched the face of his you just knew he was finna do some freaky shit.

Speeding up his fingers he grants you that permission.

You a carelessly drooling, moaning mess. You are so overwhelmed just by his fingers that you don't even know what to think rn.

' I feel pathetic' you thought

This man had you Cumming so hard your body jolted. Pulling his finger out you now mercilessly rubbing your clit. So fast to help you ride out your orgasm. Once you are done you can't help but pant. Couldn't even talk

The only word in your mind was DADDY.

He then smirked again the exact one before he then brought the 3 fingers he had shoved up your cunt.

And sucked them clean all while maintaining eye contact. And when I tell you this man dared to MOAN??

He then leaned now by your ear and whispered "I dedicate to you".

He then grabbed the lube on the side of your head where he threw it. Squeezed a small glob on his hand

"We don't need that much, right ma? " he of course knew he wasn't getting a response. Then started stroking his fat 9-inch dick. Looking for permission to proceed once again.

You moaned cause thats what you could do best right now.

With a firm grip on his dick and the spread your lips. He slid right in.

Felt right at home like a kangaroo in its mamma's pouch.

He went thrusting slow and shallow for your care. Then stopped when he felt water suddenly splash him.

Confused he looked down at his soaked abdomen. And back up at you

You already know to keep that eye contact. He chucked "Good girl, you think you can take daddy's dick, ma? "

"Yea," you managed to get out.

He reached behind your head grabbed a pillow and set it under your waist. And began thrusting

Long and deep thrust had the sensation clouding yours and his mind. Both moaning in sync creating harmony. Good enough to challenge the heart instrument.

It felt like he was searching for you... Looking for something. And he was. He brushed up against your g-spot. Causing you to moan the loudest you ever have. He growled at the sight before. The fact you were able to still keep eye contact with him is impressive. But he liked a challenge.

His thrusts were not speeding up. Your mind couldn't take it but your heart... Your heart was being fueled with all the love in the air. The smell was additive. Like a drug.

Overpowering your senses. Making you crazy, excited, and active.

" ahh~" you moaned eyes rolling back but only for a short bit because it was just then he had his arms around your neck. Grinding into your pussy. Like he was tryna recreate the infamous floor humps.

" ah shit, y/n ... I'm Cumming " he moaned.

" God " he groaned .

Even without permission you came undone with him inside of you.

Pussy is so tight.

While letting ride out your second orgasm of the night. He pulled out and cummed on what he intended to be your tits. But he came so hard it shot up to your lips. Mouth open and all.

"Ahhh, fuck, baby~" your pussy had this man a mess.

He collapsed on top of you rolling off to the side to catch a breath before he got up and went to his bathroom.

Came back with a wet soapy washcloth and dry a towel. He was gonna clean you up.

And he did just as you guessed.

After he finished the aftercare. You cuddled next to your favorite restaurant in the palm of his hand ready to order your favorite.

" Are you good now? " he asked

" you still pointed up pretty girl? " he said

You turned yourself so you were now once again face to chest.

"Thank you, keigo," you said

" no problem, babe " he replied kissing you on the forehead

- The End -

　───────────────────────────

───────────────────────────

I hope you enjoyed my first smut ever!!!

I feel like the story build-up to the smut could've been better butttttt I always find something wrong with what I do 😭

I also corrected everything with Grammarly

[silvermistcosmos]

Hi!! I saw you opened the ship game, can I have one romantically with Enhypen?

I am 20 years old, not very tall (around 155 to 158cm, haven't measured in years but is around this), have shoulder lenght black hair and also black eyes, I am half japanese-half brazilian (but definitely look a lot more japanese than brazilian).

I am pretty introvert, my mbti is intj (never really learned about mbti but took the test cause my friends wanted me to do), not really a touchy person, I study eletrical engineering (cool course, but is destroying my last 2 braincels lol).

I tend to use all my time to study, so you probably will find my at my university library most of the time. I don't really go out a lot, but I like shopping (being online or in person, just like a day to relax looking at things that a normally don't buy). I really like reading books, I try to read at least 2 per month. Definitely not the best at handling feelings, still trying to work on this, my friends tend to say I am very serious but I think is just because I have a "cold" face.

That's all I could think of, also wanted to say that your reactions are really fun to read, looking forward for your futures ones!

Hikari 🦎

ahh, hiii thanks for sending in an ask! oh my goodness, electrical engineering? how is it? I've actually thought about taking that degree but I'm not entirely sure. and thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy them! ^^

I ship you with Jake

Jake and you I feel like would get along so well. He would finally have someone he would be able to explain the theory of relativity to! haha but for real, I think you and him would have little study dates and share book recommendations and you could both rave about your favorite parts! ahhh it would be so cute!!

GENRE. fluff

WC. 319

A/N. if you would like to be shipped as well, check out my enhypen & bts ship game

Jake shook his head as he walked into your school's library, looking at your face rested on top of all your homework, eyes closed. He pulled out the chair next to you and smiled at the small snores escaping your lips. You had texted him in the late evening, telling him you were studying and he just knew that you were going to stay way later than you should so he came to pick you up even though it was well past midnight.

Not wanting to disturb your sleep, he put his elbow in the table and laid his head on his hand, just watching you.

"Don't take the cookie, Jake or I swear I will-" Your head jolted up and Jake couldn't help but laugh as you looked at him confusedly.

"What were you dreaming about? I wouldn't steal your cookie." He joked.

"What are you doing here?"

He scoffed, "I came to pick you up. Look at you sleeping in the library. You could catch a cold or worse, someone could be here and do something to you while you're sleeping."

"Um...Who else would be here at this hour?"

"Hikari...there are more crazy people like you in this world." he pinched your nose bride, "Now, let's go get some ramen at the convivence store then I'll take you home." He said, standing up from the chair.

"Ramen at this-"

"Don't tell me it's unhealthy to eat this late when you were studying here at what hour?" He interrupted you, not wanting to hear your nagging about eating late, "Pick up your stuff and let's go!"

"Okay okay, I get it! College is just tough and I really want to get good grades."

"I know." He took your hand, "Let's study together tomorrow, hm? But you need energy to study, right?" He reasoned with you.

"Right... You laughed. You couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.

[mctherofdragons]

A Sanctuary Heart | 3 | SR

summary / after her abusive husband lands her in the intensive care unit, y/n changes her identity and moves as far away as possible. upon starting her new life, she meets dr.spencer reid and his son, maddox, when she begins her job as a teacher. but can she keep herself safe and keep up the facade with spencer? can she be safe at all?

pairing / spencer reid x fem!reader

warnings / slowburn romance, fluff, angst, marriage, trauma, domestic violence/abuse, dad!spencer, wheelchair use, paralysis, injury, ptsd flashbacks, car accident/serious injury, bullying, mention of ableism, a singular mention of god.

important links / series masterlist + domestic violence resources

authors note / i absolutely adored writing this chapter, omg. we get more of spencer and maddox's backstory. and things start to get a little more exciting as the rest of the team makes their first appearance! thank you all for the great feedback so far, i'm so glad you're enjoying the series. also my tags are not working, so reblogs on this chapter would be insanely appreciated. Flashbacks are in italics!

Seeing the blood on your hand, Spencer instinctively reached out to grab your wrist gently. You snatched your hand back, bringing yourself up to your feet, wobbling. You grabbed your bag, wrapping your hand in your scarf that you had managed to take off in the cool October night.“Ivy,” he said the moniker one more time and you felt your insides reel once more.

‘I’m a liar, Dr. Reid, I wish you knew,’ you thought to yourself, stumbling to search for your keys under the warm glow of the moon.

“I have to go. Thank you for dinner,” you contended, making your way out of the side gate. Spencer watched in confusion as you made your way out quickly. He figured he ought to chose his battles, not wanting to startle you by following after you.

Once you were safe inside your car, you sat in the driver’s seat, hands gripping onto the steering wheel for dear life. You felt a sharp combination of embarrassment and frustration. You wanted the flit of light that came from the possibility of new love. But instead, the one before had taken everything from you. Even now, all these miles and a new name away, he was pulling you away from those little flickers of brilliance and back into the darkness of yourself.

_____________________________

2 years earlier.

“Maddox,” Spencer whispered, feeling his heavy eyelids open just slightly. He was disoriented, noticing that the once right-side-up roadway was now upside down instead. The loud blaring of the horn was constant. It sent a piercing sound into Spencer’s ears and head, which caused him to wince. “Maddox.”

Spencer tried to turn, but he couldn’t move. Something had him pinned in the driver’s seat. He looked into the review mirror, which by grace alone wasn’t entirely broken. Maddox was slumped in his car seat, blood trickling down onto his Toy Story tee shirt. Spencer let out a weak gasp, trying again with no avail to move.

Spencer noticed how cold it was. It had been snowing all night, and Spencer wasn’t sure how long they had been where they are now. The snow had fallen through the shattered glass, tiny flakes gathering anywhere they could.

Using all of his strength, he turned his head to his wife. Her eyes were half shut, a trickle of crimson come from her mouth.

“Baby,” Spencer whispered. “Are you alright?”

She began to speak, but began to sputter, her lungs sounding flooded. Her hand curled and uncurled, and Spencer could barely reach it. He was able to hold onto her fingertips with his. They felt ice-cold like she was already three steps into Eternity. Spencer knew that type of frigid touch. He had come in content with it a million times, and the person on the other end was never living.

“D-don’t talk, baby. Okay? The ambulance is coming. Do you hear them? We’re going to be okay.”

Spencer could hear the medics somewhere far off in the distance. The repeated echo of the sirens sounded like a band of angels to him. Spencer Reid admittedly didn’t believe in the Judeo-Christian God. He wasn’t sure what he gave credence to, in fact. But at that moment, inverted in the shattered glass, surrounded by the labored breathing of his dying wife...he prayed.

________________________________

Spencer walked into the Bureau, adjusting the brown satchel on his shoulder. His brow looked furrowed as he sipped from his paper coffee cup. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way you left, trying to profile what exactly had gone wrong between the Merlot and you rushing out of his backyard.

“Penny for your thoughts?,” Emily piqued as Spencer sat down, tossing his bag onto his desk. Spencer let out an exasperating sigh, taking another drink of his coffee.

“Just trying to figure someone out.”

“Oh, oh, oh. Is this a lady someone?,” Derek queried, wiggling his eyebrows. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning onto Spencer’s desk with a sparkling grin.

“Maybe.”

Spencer felt himself smiling despite his best efforts. Emily opened her mouth in surprise, giving Derek a playful shove.

“I told you he would get back out there, Morgan!”

Spencer smiled. “Yeah, she’s sweet. I just...don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

That morning, Spencer had put on his wedding band. He still did it when he was scared, or nervous, or needing to feel close to her. He would feel the cool metal atop his finger and feel less alone. For a brief moment when the metallic touched his skin, he could pretend she was still here.

Derek gave Spencer’s shoulder a supportive squeeze.

“I hope you know me and Prentiss are just messing with you. We care about you, kid. We know these past two years have been hell for you. Just want you to be happy.”

“Yeah…I appreciate that. I just…,” Spencer paused, bringing his hands up as he spoke, as was so akin to him. His lip curled into the smallest smile. “Seeing this girl interact with Maddox. She...loves him for him..already?”

“Maddox is a great kid, Reid.”

“I know. I just don’t want her to find out---”

Spencer’s sentence was cut off by Hotch appeared, letting everyone know they had a case and to meet for Round Table. Spencer quickly shot a text to Maddox’s home health nurse, letting her know he’d need coverage for a few days.

________________________________

You sat in the front of your classroom, your eyes scanning from the test in front of you to the answer key. The students were working on a Social Studies project in small groups. Their task was to read a short story about colonial times and fill out a short worksheet. If they finished early they were permitted to color, which most of the children thoroughly enjoyed.

“Maddox can’t use crayons,” you heard a small voice snicker. You raised your eyebrow, hoping it wasn’t harmful, and rather just an observation.

You heard another child sling a slur at Maddox, who was sitting quietly with his aide, trying to ignore them. But as you looked up, you saw Maddox’s tiny bottom lip begin to wobble. One of the children picked up a crayon and threw it at Maddox, hitting him in the shoulder.

“He can’t even feel that! My dad said that’s why he’s in a wheelchair,” the bully jeered again, high-fiving his friend.

You stood up with a loud squeak of your chair against the linoleum floor.

“You two. Principals office. Now.”

The rest of the class erupted in a chorus of childish ‘ooo’s. You clapped your hands together - your universal signal to quiet down.

“I did not ask for comments from the audience,” you scolded. The children settled down, going back to their work, whispering amongst one another.

“Maddox, come talk to me in the hallway,” you offered. Tears were rolling down Maddox’s cheeks. His aide reached over with a tissue to wipe them, but he turned his face away, one of the only ways he could physically set a boundary.

Maddox’s aide helped him into the hallway and then left the two of you alone. You sat down on one of the small, metal benches in the hallway. At this angle, you were about Maddox’s height. He was blubbering, trying to take deep breaths as more tears came. You pulled a small, clean, cloth handkerchief from your pocket. He let you dab his cheeks, giving him a gentle click of the tongue.

“Buddy, do you want to talk about it?”

“T-they’re so m..m..mean to me,” he whimpered, closing his eyes as more tears fell. “And, and, and I can’t play with them even, that’s why. I can’t do anything!”

You nodded empathetically, gently catching more of Maddox’s tears.

“I hate school! My daddy wants me to like school. It’s all he talks about. I hate him!”

“Maddox,” you softly redirected. “That’s not very nice. You don’t hate your dad.”

Maddox looked a deep breath. You smiled, knowing Spencer must have taught him to do that when he was upset.

“You’re right. But I’m sad, and I wanna go home.”

You sighed, reaching up to blot the little bit of redness still present on Maddox’s cheeks. You adjusted his glasses, moving some of his curly brown hair from underneath the metal.

“Just a few more hours, okay? We have library at the end of the day.”

Maddox’s face lit up, his apple cheeks glowing beneath the rims of his glasses. “Library!”

“Yes, and just for this week, you can take home two books.”

______________________________

Spencer felt distracted the entire flight to Vermont. He knew he was going to be far away for a while, and that Maddox wouldn’t know until he got out of school for the day. The agent detested when he had to leave without Maddox knowing in advance, but it was usually impossible given the nature of things. Thankfully, Reid had a good setup of support through healthcare and respite so Maddox never went without someone to care for him.

Then, there was you. He couldn’t stop thinking about your reaction. He had seen it before in abuse victims. The way you flinched when he moved too fast, the apologizing like your life depended on it, even the way you looked at him with pleading eyes, desperate to avoid a blow. He bridged his fingers together, thinking to himself for a moment.

With that, he stood up, making his way to the back of the plane. He unlocked his phone while he chewed his fingernail with his free hand. Before he knew it, he was calling Garcia.

“Penelope. Hey, I need a favor. A personal one. If you could keep it between us, that would be great.”

“Anything for you, my precious string bean.”

Spencer laughed. “I need you to get all the information you can on someone. Ivy Porter.”

“Ivy Porter. That’s like a movie star name. What did she do?”

“Um..nothing, I don’t think. Just call me when you’ve got something, and email me everything you find.”

“You got it. Every in and out of Ms. Ivy Porter coming to you soon. Be safe. Talk soon.”

With that, Penelope clicked off of the call. Spencer sat back down, anxiously waiting for whatever information Penelope could find about you.

___________

series/criminal minds taglist: @hufflepuffhaze @omghufflepuff @txtdreamss @rainbows-dreams @bvttercupbby @k-k0129 @rexit-mo @britishspidey @graciehams @manuosorioh @shemarmooresfedora @big-galaxy-chaos @thatoneszesty13 @ssavanessa22 @awritingtree @sweetandsunny​ @rainsong01 @kuolonsyoja @taralewiz @bluelittleblackgirl @asexual-booknerd @the-wolfie

[addictofsupernatural]

OHSHC Rewrite: Episode 1

Starting Today, You Are a Host!

Host Club x reader

Summary: Y/n meets new people and fall into a whole new world.

Warning: mentions of past trauma

Word Count: 4.4k

Episode Masterlist

Nerve wracking. This was very nerve wracking. It was one thing to go to a school full of rich people, but it was another for it to be in a different country. Though you felt nervous, this was a giant step into a new life.

You had highlights dyed in your hair for a while now, but didn't know if the school allowed it, so you hid it up in a beanie with only your bangs peaking out. You also didn't know if they allowed crop tops, which was what you had on right now due to your unattended laundry, so you put a big sweater on to hide that as well.

Everyone stared at you. You expected nothing less, considering you weren't wearing a school uniform. You kept your head low and your mouth shut, though it was starting to bother you to have all those eyes on you for no reason. It's rude to stare.

After school you wanted to find a quiet place to study. All three of the huge libraries were noisy, for some reason, so you ventured into trying to find an empty room. There was a music room that looked uninhabited, so you opened the door.

"Welcome to the Ouran Host Club."

A gush of wind came and you stepped inside to see 6 guys standing there, greeting you.

"Oh." One of the twins said. "It's just a guy."

"Host Club?" You quietly asked. "Um, I'm sorry! I didn't know this place was occupied. Sorry."

You turned and reached for the handle, only for both twins to lean on each of your shoulders.

"You said sorry twice." The said in unison.

"I'll just leave now—"

"You must be the foreign honor student, Mr. Y/l/n."

You looked back at the boy with the glasses giving you a small smile. "I'll ignore the Mr part for now, but how did you know my name?"

The tall blonde one gasped. "You're the exceptional honor student from y/c?!"

"It's quiet interesting seeing a commoner with the audaciousness to come here." The guy with glasses said.

"Commoner?" You repeated, taking in the name.

"You should feel lucky." He continued. It did do injustice for your nerves to hear that, but you tried to not let the innocently rude words effect you.

"So lucky." You sighed.

The blonde man rushed over to you and slung his arm over your shoulder. "I think it's wonderful for a commoner such as yourself to come and study us. It'll set an example for other commoners and you'll be a hero to all of them. Long live the poor!"

"Am I supposed to not find all of this offensive?" You asked as you ducked out of his arm.

That's when a small boy jumped onto you, causing you to instinctively catch him. While in your arms he could feel your hidden breasts against his head, which made him the second person in the room to catch on.

"Wow, y/l/n huh? That's a really weird last name. I like it though, it's interesting. I hope we can be friends from now! "You were honestly confused at to why there was a little boy here, so you gently ruffled his hair and put him down.

"That'd be nice." You sweetly said. "What are you doing here?"

"Huh. Who knew the honor student would be so openly gay?" The blonde man shrugged.

"What?" You asked, though you were ignored again.

"So then, which would you prefer?" He pulled your arm to each of the boys. "Is it the strong, silent type? The loli-shota type? The mischievous devils? The cool type?" He got extremely close and grabbed your chin, whispering, "Or maybe you'd like me."

You jerked yourself back, walking backwards as the twins and the blonde were walking towards you. "Please don't get so close when I don't even know you! I'll leave you all be now—"

You bumped into a table, and a vase fell and shattered as a result. "Now you've done it commoner." Said the twin with the higher voice. "That was a Renaissance vase."

"We were gonna sell that at the auction. The bidding was going to start at 8 million yen." Explained the other.

"8 mi..." Your voice was barely a whisper as you looked at the shattered glass. You then began to internally panic, causing words to just spew out. "Oh my gosh okay okay I am so so sorry I should've expected something like this cause of my luck and it's just like me to be a screw up and–" you let out a deep breath before scrunching up your nose and turning to them. "I need to pay you back."

"With what money?" The twins said.

"Holy crap this is bad." You began shaking your leg. "Okay, what do I do then?"

"Well Tamaki, what do you think we should do?" The glasses guy asked, still giving you a small smile.

"There's an old saying that we should all live by! When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

"I'm in rich territory, does that mean I need to do as the rich people do?" You asked, being unconsciously sarcastic.

He chose to ignore you and go on. "Since you don't have any money, you will have to pay us back with your body!"

"Can you please rephrase that—"

"Starting today, you are the host club's dog boy!"

It all happened so fast, and next thing you knew you were coming back from the store with their grocery items. Was this going to be hell? When you got back, you thought about the club while walking in the halls. It was their job to make women happy. That probably meant you would have to put on a brave smile.

"Hey there, little piglet. Did you get everything on our list?" Tamaki senpai smiled at you.

Brave face. "Yup, everything you asked for sir." You smiled brightly.

His eyes widened, and he zoomed over to you to pull you into a crushing hug. "Aww, you're too adorable!"

"Please let go!"

"Why? I'm not done hugging you yet!"

"I don't..." You looked around for help. "Mori senpai! Help me please!"

He made eye contact with you before swooping in and picking you up. You clung to him out of panic. Why would anyone smother strangers like that?

Mori senpai let out an inaudible gasp. He was now the third person who figured it out. "Uh, Mori senpai," Tamaki said. "Don't you think that was a little much?"

"No." He said, putting you down.

"Thank you." You said sweetly. He nodded and went back.

"Wait, doggo," Tamaki called to you, picking up the grocery bag. "What's this?"

"Just what it looks like. Coffee." You said as you walked over to him. "And I have a name."

"I've never seen coffee like this before." He ignored you again as he sat down on a couch.

"Are those the ones where it already has the beans grounded up for you?" Kaoru asked.

"No, it's instant coffee." You said.

"It's... Instant?" Some girls asked.

"Wait a minute, I've seen this before!" Tamaki widened his eyes. "It's commoner's coffee! They don't have time to make it themselves so they use this and it magically appears."

Someone watching this quietly asked, "Commoners don't have time to ground their own coffee?"

"Why is everybody staring?" You asked before sighing. "Nevermind. If you want I'll go back and buy a more expensive brand. Sorry."

"No no, let's keep it." The whole crowd gasped. "I think I'll try it." Another gasp. "I'm going to drink this coffee!" Everybody began clapping. "Y/l/n~ this coffee won't make itself~"

"I guess that's my cue." You said to yourself.

"Wait, commoner," Hikaru said.

"What's up with that ugly outfit?" Kaoru asked. "Can you not afford a school uniform?"

You giggled. "Do I look someone who can afford a school uniform?" They giggled again. "I'm used to public schools, so I wore a random shirt. I don't know if it fits this school's standards though." The twins heard your giggle, and we're now also figured it out. "I've actually been meaning to ask, is there a rule against dyed hair?"

"Dyed hair? No." Kaoru said.

"Oh good," you sighed. "Cause I have some highlights."

"Then what about your shirt?" Hikaru asked.

"It's a crop."

"A crop?" The twins asked in unison.

"Come to think of it," Kyoya spoke up. "Nobody ever asked you what your first name is."

You took off your beanie and let your hair down. You then took off your sweater and put it on top of your bag in the corner.

"It's y/n. Y/n y/l/n." You then walked over as everybody remained silent. "Thank you Kyoya senpai. Nobody else actually cared about my name. Means a lot." You smiled.

"Of course, now it's time to go make the coffee."

"Yes sir." You made it while everybody else remained silent. Tamaki couldn't take it anymore, and exploded.

"You're a girl?!" He barked.

"Yeah?"

"Why would you hide that?!"

"I wasn't trying to, and you shouldn't treat someone different because of that either way." You then turned to everyone else. "Coffee's done. Time for me to get back to work."

"But–but—"

"Tamaki, we still have guests to entertain." Kyoya reminded. He shook out of it and began flirting again, and you took this as an opportunity to start with your other chores. You began to clean up some plates and tea cups as everybody fussed over the coffee.

"Oh Tamaki, you've taken the joke too far. You have a delicate taste, your pallet can't stomach that crap. It's obvious you're just doing it to please her." You looked over to a very pretty girl, sipping her tea. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just talking to myself."

"Of course ma'am. Would you care for any more food or drinks?" You quietly asked.

"No, you can leave now." You smiled and nodded, walking away with a bad feeling about that girl.

You were then cleaning up the coffee cups, watching other girls become fascinated with it. As you cleaned up they stopped to look at you. "Oh, you're the commoner honor student right?" One asked.

"Yup. Did you ladies enjoy the coffee?"

"Very much so. It did not taste poorly, and it was surprising to see how quick it was to make."

"Well, us commoners are always in a hurry to keep up with our bills." They giggled, though you didn't realize you were being funny. "Anyways, I'm glad I got to share my poorness with you."

The giggled again. "You're so funny y/n."

"Thank you. It's sweet of you not to call me a dog." You said, grinning afterwards. "And wow I never thought I'd say that."

They giggled again. "Are you enjoying Ouran Academy?"

"Hell yeah, it's awesome! Who knew there can be so many buildings in a building!"

"You have an interesting way of speaking." One laughed out.

"Well I didn't think so until I got to a whole different country. I totally forgot about the whole bowing to people thing when I left y/c. We don't do that there."

"Oh my goodness, really?!"

"Yeah, you have no idea—"

"Y/n, Honey senpai spilled." Hikaru called out. "Come and clean it."

"Oh, I have to go. It was nice talking to you ladies." You then hurried over there.

They then went back to their hosts. "What were you all talking about?" Tamaki asked one girl.

"Not much, just talking." She said. "It was very fun and pleasant."

"I wish we could've talked more." Another girl said.

"She's coming by." The third girl tried to say quietly.

"Y/n, come over here." Tamaki said. As you walked over his eyes ventured down to your opening stomach. "I heard you had quiet the chat with some ladies."

"Yup, I thought it was a very nice little talk." You said, smiling at them.

He grabbed you and crushed you into a hug again. "Your smile is so cute! You need to learn how to be more girly! Now promise me you won't wear any more of those dirty poor boy clothes."

"First of all, personal space please! Second, those clothes are comfy. And crop tops aren't for dirty boys."

"That's debatable." Tamaki murmered and blushed.

"Y'know, we think it looks pretty cute." The twins said against your shoulders.

"See? Hikaru and Kaoru aren't judging me on how I look." You hugged each of them at their side. They then both blushed out of surprise, not that you noticed.

"Don't trust those shady twins! They just want to take advantage of you." He then grabbed you back, nuzzling up against your cheek. "You know what, why don't you two make yourselves useful and grab an appropriate school uniform for my little girl."

"Little girl?" You asked, pushing him back a bit.

"Of course! We're a family after all, and now you're my little girl!"

"That's weird." He then suddenly started sulking in the corner, to which you felt bad about. You went over to him and sat on the floor next to him. "I'm sorry if I made you upset. I'm actually glad that friendship is that important to you. It's not often you still see that, and I'm happy to be a part of it."

His eyes began to shine. "Do you really think so?!"

"Sure!"

"Aww, you're so cute!" He squished your cheeks.

"Uh, boss." Kaoru said.

"The female uniforms were still in the process of being made, so all they had were male uniforms." Hikaru explained.

"Oh, that's actually better for me." You said. "I'm not much for dresses." You then took the outfit and went to the changing room to put it on. You came out without the blazer, the tie being loose, and the top button being undone. "Are you sure I can keep this?"

"Well the tailoring was messed up so they were gonna throw it away." Kaoru explained.

"Oh, perfect." You smiled.

"No, not perfect!" Tamaki popped up in front of you. "WHY WON'T YOU WEAR FEMALE CLOTHING?!"

"Are you trying to say I don't look good in these clothes?" You teased.

"Wha– noo~" His eyes began to tear up. "I never said that!"

"So you were thinking it."

"I WASN'T THINKING THAT AT ALL! Please y/n, I think you're beautiful, I swearr~"

You began giggling. "Senpai, I'm just teasing. I understand that you didn't mean that at all. It's okay."

He gave you puppy dog eyes. "Really?"

"Sure." You said lightheartedly. You wanted to ruffle his hair from how much of a puppy he was acting like.

"Then why would you tease me like that?" More puppy dog eyes.

"If I'm staying the Host Club's dog until I graduate, I might as well have fun while being here." The twins were busy laughing on the ground, while everybody else watch you two. Nobody could make Tamaki like that except for Kyoya.

"She's so funny." A girl mumbled.

You patted Tamaki's shoulders. "Straighten up senpai. You still have an audience waiting."

"She's right you know." Kyoya said. He then happily sighed. "Okay everyone, back to work."

You wheeled around the tea, hearing someone whisper, "She's coming."

You stopped and smiled, furrowing your eyebrows. "What?"

"Nothing, just that you don't react normally to Tamaki. No one has ever made him flustered like that before."

"Not only that." Another girl said. "You just seem so fun. It's like you don't give a care in the world. We're not used to people being so care free, so it's very fun."

"That's very sweet to hear. It's nice that you guys all care about whatever I ramble on about." You poured them all tea. "Maybe I should be a host too. I could tell stories and we could all hang out."

"That'd be very pleasant." One said as the other two nodded.

The red headed girl from earlier laughed. "How sweet of you three to make her feel good about herself. She seems like a person who needs to be praised."

"That was a little harsh Ayanokoji." One of them said.

They all looked at you frowning, but you didn't want them to pity you. You mustered up a smile. "More tea ma'am?"

"No, that'll be all. You can leave." She smiled as she sipped on her tea.

"Of course." You then walked away.

Kyoya heard everything. You passed by him, frowning and looking downward. "You mentioned being a host. It's an interesting notion, in it's own way."

"Don't worry Kyoya senpai, I know my place."

He didn't look back at you, only staring at his notebook. "Your place, huh."

"Would you care for anything?" You asked.

"Just some answers." He continued to write in his book. "What do you consider your 'place'?"

You chuckled. "Not here. I know how lucky I am to be here, and that I shouldn't push it. Especially after breaking something."

"I see. Well, I do like your suggestion of being a host." This gained the attention of Tamaki.

You had your back to him as you cleaned up a table. "I was joking."

"Yes, but most people seem to enjoy hearing you talk. It'll help gain money for your debt."

Tamaki flipped and landed right in front of you. "Why would you do that?! Don't tell me you're not interested in men?!"

"I didn't say I wasn't. I just think that these girls might also have fun by laughing and not just being flustered. Having someone to talk to can be refreshing."

His eyes began to sparkle again. "This could work! Having more females could get you in touch with your feminine side. Starting tomorrow, you are a host!"

The next day you were sitting on a couch with the three other girls you talked to yesterday with you. "So y/n, what was your life like before you came to Japan?"

"Oh, you guys don't really wanna hear about my boring life, do you?" You leaned back on the cushion. "I thought we could talk about you ladies."

"We're actually very intrigued by you. We all want to know more about your life."

"Yeah, it seems like you lived in a whole other world."

You grinned, looking around. "Well, this does feel like another world. It feels like a dream come true."

"Were you poor?" Someone blankly asked.

A few people turned around to listen in. You chuckled. "Yes. For a commoner, I was on the more poor side."

"You mean there's a poorer side?"

You chuckled again. "Yup. Instead of commoners, we like to call ourselves middle class. Or at least in y/c we were. There were those who had not bad jobs with not bad incomes, and there were others who actually struggled maintaining enough money to get by."

People began to stop talking and began listening in. "What were your parents then?"

You kept your smile on your face, but stared out the window. "My dad was a lazy asshole who never worked a day in his life, but I guess he didn't seem that way when my mom met him. My mom was an honest and hard working accountant. She used to say that he was nicer to her, sweeter, and not a lot of people were kind to women where she lived. She told me she thought he could make her happy."

They all listened intensely. Even Kyoya stopped writing, and watched you from his side view. You looked over the the three girls. You weren't used to having people really listening to you, but it did feel surprisingly nice. Like the weight on your chest was being lifted little by little.

"What happened?"

"It wasn't until she was pregnant with me when she realized it was all a lie. And it wasn't until after I was born when he showed her that he loved alcohol. He was angry when he drank, and he always drank. Mom got sick when I was about 6, and by that time being angry turned into being violent."

"Did he ever hurt you or your mom?" You looked her in the eyes, and she gasped, knowing the answer. You didn't answer that question.

"A few months later she passed, and I ran away the same day."

"Where did you go?"

You kept your voice steady and calm. "I was living in the streets. Stole from this liquor store to eat. The woman who owned the shop caught me, but she wasn't mad. She invited me into her apartment, fed me, bought me new clothes. She's good to me."

"Did you keep living with her?"

You nodded. "She called the cops on my dad before putting me into the foster system and becoming my new mother the right way. Took a few months before she could foster me, but she didn't hesitate to fill everything out and put down her name for a daughter."

"What happened after that?"

"I worked at her liquor store, made some friends, found out I was really good at learning things in school. Then I saw that there was an opportunity to go to a prestigious school in Japan. After seeing a lot of injustice in the neighborhood I lived in, I decided that I wanted to be a lawyer. So I studied, learned Japanese, and when I got in Maria sold the liquor store and we moved here."

"Maria?"

"My second mother. The one who adopted me."

"I see. So you came here with her then?"

"Of course. We wouldn't abandon each other." You turned to them and smiled. "It's nice to know when you're wanted."

The three of them were in tears. "That's so sad." One said.

"Oh, no no no, don't be sad girls. It's fine, honestly! I'm happy that I found a new family, and I'm happy for being here. I don't like tears, so please don't cry for me. It makes me sad."

The three of them smothered you with a hug. "WE'LL KEEP SMILING FOR YOU Y/N!"

You giggled. "Thanks girls." You then looked around. "Has everybody been listening in?"

"No!" You heard from the twins. Everybody quickly turned away from you.

"Well that's very embarrassing. Thanks guys." You blushed and looked down. Tamaki pulled you away and gently grabbed your arms.

"Y/n, listen to me. I promise you that we will do our best to make you feel as comfortable as possible." You were going to answer, but you noticed something when you looked out the window. "What's wrong?"

"My stuff..." You frowned. "I'll be right back."

You ran outside to get your things. Your bag was thrown into a lake. As you ran you saw that princess, Ayanokoji. She gave you a side eye, and something told you to stop running.

"Oh, it's you." You didn't look back, and neither did she. "You can charm everybody with your words, but I hope you know that to Tamaki you'll always be a second class citizen."

You said nothing as you kept running. Once you got to the lake you took off your shoes and socks, rolling up your pants and going in to fish out your stuff. What you couldn't find was your wallet. That would be good money gone to waste.

"You've got some nerve running out on me." Tamaki said, watching you. "Hey, why are your items all wet?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just looking for my wallet. You can go back, I'll be there in a bit." You didn't notice him take off his socks and shoes until he got in as well. "What're you doing?"

"Helping you look."

"But you'll get all wet." You felt bad for making him do this.

"A little water never hurt anybody." You stopped what you were doing you watch him. "Besides, people are always telling me I'm dripping with good looks. Oh, I think we got something here." He showed you your wallet, though you just kept staring at him. "Why are you staring at me?" He then smiled. "You're not falling for me~ are you?"

You scoffed and smiled, grabbing your wallet from his hands. "You wish."

"By the way, how did your things end up in the pond?"

"Don't worry about it, let's just go back to the club."

Later that day, to your dismay, Princess Ayanokoji requested you. You politely asked her what she wanted to talk about, and she asked about you digging through the pond.

"I see, that must be terrible. I don't know what I'd have done if my bag got thrown into there." She then chuckled. "And you even got Tamaki to dig through that dirty lake water. Impressive."

"I don't see what's so impressive about it." You shrugged. "I suppose he's just a nice person who'd do that for people."

"You know it's just a little obsession with you. You're new and exciting, but pretty soon Tamaki will lose interest. I mean really, you're just another pretty face."

You frowned, looking into your tea cup. "Jealousy can make a beautiful face very ugly, don't you think?"

She widened her eyes before pushing the table to the ground, causing tea to spill on your lap, and slapped you in the face. "How dare you?! Someone help me, the commoner tried to steal my bracelet! Somebody do something!" The twins said nothing as the dumped water on her. "W...why did you do that?"

Tamaki pulled her up and into his arms. "Ayanokoji, I'm disappointed in you. You were the one you put y/n's bag in the pond, weren't you?"

"You don't know that!" She angrily said. "Do you have any proof that I did?!"

He sighed. "You're a beautiful woman Ayanokoji, but you aren't classy enough to be our guest. If it's one thing I know, it's that y/n isn't that kind of woman."

As she ran away crying, Kyoya handed you a girl's school uniform. "Since you got tea on your uniform. I know you wouldn't prefer a dress, but it's what we have, and it's better than a wet outfit."

"Yeah, thanks senpai."

You went into the changing room, putting on the dress. You were thankful for it being long. You didn't want anybody to the scars. You stared at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you looked okay. You sucked up the doubts and went out.

All the club members turned to look at you. Tamaki stared at you. "Y/n... wearing a... dress?"

"Senpai!" You walked over to Tamaki, taking his hands. "I forgot to say thank you for helping me find my wallet. I thought you were really cool today."

Tamaki's face then began to redden as you smiled.

---

Author's Note: Please comment and let me know if you liked it. I really want to keep this going and make fillers of my own.

AN #2: Also just ask if you want to be tagged in future stuff.

[xanderwithanx]

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

September Song (2/3)

I’m sorry @kitten-wrath that this took so long, but I do hope you like it. @hoodoo12 @xerxezra thanks for brainstorming with me. Also, Ice Cream Rick belongs @porkchop-ao3. References to the flowers can be found here (The Language Of Flowers) and pizza rolls here (Sick Day)

Also, special thanks go to @her-victori for reading a majority of my fics in a short span of time. You Rock! As well to random anons who leave me sweet words in my ask box.

If you haven't read the first part of this fic then here's the link. (Read Part1 Here)

In this fic the reader tries to be more reserved and mature for Rick, but what will he think?

______

Chapter 2: These Precious Days

The mom and pop ice cream parlor which could be found at the edge of town offered over twenty flavors and twice as many topping options. Rick thought you'd prefer this quiet atmosphere over the crowd that would've surrounded Ice Cream Ricks truck in the Citadel; he was right. Though it really was a shame since Ice Cream Rick was actually pretty nice. After ordering, you two sat by the window with the best view of a lonely backroad and a white GMC truck.

“I-I-I like that you went for the rainbow jimmies.” Rick commented as he popped a mini gummy bear into his mouth.

“Hmm? Yeah, I like the texture.”

Which was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. You loved sprinkles on just about any dessert they could be placed on. They were fun, colorful, and your dad's favorite topping. They reminded you of good times. You continued. “And they're a classic. Wouldn't you agree?”

“I-I do. Would you say that y-your favorite flavor?”

Savoring the flavor of your chocolate ice cream, you nodded. “Yeah.”

Smiling softly, he seemed to be ruminating on this information, before storing it away and eating a spoonful of his pistachio ice cream. After a little while, he managed to get a bit of it on the side of his mouth, which made you giggle. And because old habits die hard, you picked up a napkin and wiped his face clean. Under your fingertips, his skin had that masculine roughness that came from constant shaving. Of course, you were familiar with it, but these slight reminders that came about by chance never failed to amaze you.

However, you were quick to pull your hand back because he wasn't a fan of public displays of affection, though it seemed to have the opposite effect, with him reaching out and placing your hand back on his cheek, and leaning into it. “I'm glad y-you were able to come with me today.”

Seeing as the shop owner was in the back room, you relaxed a little. “I am too.”

Rick was always a little funny when he got sentimental, which was why it didn't surprise you too much when his eyes bore through you as he said. “Me encanta estar c-contigo.”

“Rick,” you began, wanting to let this facade go and declare every single word of affection your heart felt inclined to say, but just as soon as you thought you were going to crack, you restrained yourself, and simply said. “your ice cream is going to melt.”

Several beats of silence passed, and he acknowledged what you had said, but he went on. “You - I-I sometimes wish I could carry you in my pocket, and have you look after me all the time, but th-that's silly isn't it? It's not realistic, and that w-would be selfish.”

“If it's you, then I don't think it is. While it wouldn't necessarily be practical to miniaturize me and carry me around, isn't the beauty of a relationship knowing that you're always on someone's mind and that they are out there somewhere caring and thinking about you?”

“Certainly, but what I-I meant to say is that it'd be nice if this was our life. If I could keep y-you and if you and me ugh - all th-the time…we - if we….” he faltered, fixing his eyes on something else in the room.

“You don't mean eating ice cream do you?”

With a sigh, he relinquished the hold he had on your hand, “N-no.” and continued to eat his ice cream; resigned, and slightly embarrassed. You couldn't help but feel a slight disappointment. It's not like he wanted to say the magic words. Right?

________

After ice cream, you two visited the bookstore on the corner of Kinder St and Lavue Ave; which had not only a coffee shop but a toy store connected to it. As soon as one entered into it, you were met with the latest best sellers, books on travel and wellness, as well as souvenirs; it was one of few places that didn't bother you if it was cramped. To your left next to the window were those mint boxes which said Adventure Awaits, and it filled you with gladness as picked one up; thinking of little things you'd put in it after all the mints were gone. For his part, Zeta-7 seemed to know exactly what he was going for, disappearing in the back where all the used books were. Not knowing whether to follow or look around, you just did as you pleased.

Past the Keychain holder, above the box of mini hands, you found a Mister Rogers mug. You loved that wholesome old man who used to teach lessons and play with puppets on PBS; Rick reminded you of him too. On the label, it said that when you added hot water to the mug, Mister Rogers would change from a suit jacket into his cardigan. Seeing as Zeta-7 hadn't returned yet, you decided to buy it and continued to look around until he soon returned with an older book in hand. “I-I-I hope I hadn't kept you waiting long.”

Facing the bookshelf, pulling out books that you were mildly interested in, you answered. “I knew you would show up eventually.”

Noticing the stack of books you had, he asked sweetly. “M-m-mi corazón, do you want me t-to hold those books for you? They look a-a little heavy.”

You weren't sure how long you could keep up this facade of being mature and not melting into a puddle everytime he said things like that, with him being as darling as he was. Nonetheless, you nodded and he lightened the burden on your arms.

“Wow,” he brightened. “I-I didn't know you liked Alexandre Dumas.” And picking out another book, he wondered. “Have y-you ever read this?”

“The Man In the Iron Mask? No,” you admitted sadly. “but when I was in high school I did read about a third of The Count of Monte Cristo. I even have a postcard that my old English teacher sent me from Europe that had a picture of one of the buildings that was used in the movie.”

“That's s-s-so cool. Do - do you enjoy classic literature?”

Wholeheartedly, you replied. “Isn't it the best kind?”

“I-I-I don't know,” he softened. “but I don't know what I'd do without them.”

You thought of his home library then, with its eclectic mixture of languages, colors, and topics, and it made you feel warm in your soul. “If your home library tells me anything, it's that you have a healthy appetite for books.”

He glanced at your lips after you said this, but made no attempt to follow whatever thought which might've come to mind. Instead, you two carried on a lengthy discussion on books, how many were a social commentary of the time period, and how they influenced the world you lived in. For once you didn't have to pretend you knew something you didn't, cause you did know. Quite intimately in fact. And within the small spaces between shelves and bodies, where you'd normally feel claustrophobic, you were safe amongst all the friends you had yet to meet amongst the pages, and with Zeta-7 whose warm words and tall body shielded you from the curious eyes of the cashier.

_______________

A stack of books sat quietly in the back seat of his car. Crickets chirped, and there were random feral cats here and there, but there was only you and him as far as you were concerned. September Song by Willie Nelson played on the car radio as he led you into a natural waltz next to the town lake, and moonlight reflected in his eyes. If you hadn't been so afraid of drowning, maybe you would've preferred to dance on the dock, but like this, it felt right.

Oh, it's a long long while

From May to December

But the days grow short

When you reach September

When the autumn weather

Turns leaves to flame

One hasn't got time

For the waiting game

With your head resting on his chest, he hummed along to the melody. More than once you heard a sniffle but assumed it was just Zeta-7 caught up in the moment again.

Oh the days dwindle down

To a precious few. ..

September, November. ..

And these few precious days

I'll spend with you.

These precious days

I'll spend with you.

You thought every day spent with him was precious, and you had to admit that you weren't sure at the beginning of your relationship if it would've worked out, but you were glad that the both of you took a chance, and had been pleasantly surprised ever since. And after all this time, now that it was the fall again, you wondered what the next year and the year after that would be like; the possibilities are endless. However, your train of thought was broken when Zeta-7 stopped dancing and stood there; covering his face, wanting to disappear.

“Rick?”

“I'm - I'm sorry, but I-I-I-I can't do this.”

“Can't do what?”

“I-I-I can't pretend that everything's o-okay. Something's th-the matter isn't it?”

“No there isn't.” you denied.

“Then why are y-y-you so quiet? Are w-we breaking up? Are you - are you leaving me?”

You literally wanted to smack yourself for being such an idiot. “No! Why would you think that?”

Using his phone, he paused the music and passed a hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself. “Y-y-you haven't been yourself all evening. I thought for a moment that maybe th-things were alright back in the bookstore, but you - I know y-you were holding back. I know how much you love books, and writing is y-y-y-your passion, but you were hesitant in sharing your opinions on either subject. M-mi corazón,” he pleaded, the lines about his forehead and mouth deepening. “please b-be honest with me. Is this it?”

“No, it's not.”

Your plan, which you thought has been working went horribly wrong. So much for trying to act like an adult for once. Man, you only wanted to entice him, which you somewhat succeeded, but because of your stupid games, you'd led him to believe that you were unsatisfied with your relationship. If anything, you were unsatisfied with how you handled this. “Believe me Ricky, you haven't done anything wrong. In fact,” you sighed, your chest aching from the bloom of anxiety. “you've only been sweet and charming. But I….oh, I was only trying to impress you.”

“Huh? Wh-what?”

“Exactly. Whatever I thought I'd accomplish, it…..I only managed to mess it up. Again. You probably wouldn't get it,” Or maybe he would, but you weren't feeling like yourself. “but sometimes I feel like all you did was pull me out of my little bubble so I could wreak havoc. I'm not any different from hundreds of other versions of me, am I? Cause, if I'm like them, then how did I end up with you? How did I get so lucky to be with someone so wonderful? I hope they are happy because I am with you.”

With a hand pressed over his heart, a single tear made its way down his cheek. “M-me too. I'm so happy with you.”

“Somehow, despite all my inadequacies, you want me. I mean, is it stupid to believe that I just wanted to be different from all those other copies? That I just wanted you to think I was mature?”

Zeta-7 looked at you with a wistful hope in his eyes.“No, it's - it's not stupid. You - you did that f-for me?”

“Who else dear honey man of mine? Maybe it can't be helped and I'll just be what I am,” you confessed. “but for a moment I wanted to be different. So I gave myself the look and didn't overreact. And most of all, kept my mouth shut so you wouldn't get bored of my rambling. I know I talk too much.”

“N-no, that's not - have I led you t-to believe you weren't good enough?”

“Not on purpose, but I can't help but feel that way sometimes. We both know I'm not that special. I mean, the only impressive thing I've ever done is eat 37 pizza rolls, and not kill the flowers you gave me. I'm so sorry,” you cried, “I'm sorry you got stuck with an idiot.”

He pulled you in for a tight embrace, smoothing out your hair. “D-don't ever say that.” he cooed. “You're - you're clever, lovely, and always give me something t-t-to smile about.”

“Anyone can do that.”

Pulling back a little, he gave your shoulder a squeeze and softened. “N-no, not at all. Y-you give away dreams, smiles, and kindness. You're reliable, and I-I can trust you. And there is no one in the universe th-that could compare t-to you when it comes to being the perfect woman. If anything, I'm th-the defect here.”

“No, you're perfect Ricky.”

Placing a lock of hair behind your ear, he continued. “I'm glad y-you think so, but this isn't a-about me. You - you dressed up today, in a-a elegant dress that I'd n-never seen before,” and pressing a kiss behind your ear, he whispered with a little gleam of pride in his eyes.. “wearing the perfume I-I-I made you. Smelling like a-a dream.”

Again, how anyone considered this charmer a doofus you'd never know. “I had been saving it for a special occasion.”

“Everyday with you is - is special.”

“Oh Rick. That's…thank you.”

Pointing at your feet, “And I noticed that you're closer t-t-to my height today, but your feet must be hurting by now. Would y-you like to take them off?”

Oh, your feet were screaming. And now that you weren't pretending, you slipped out of your shoes which made you lose about four inches. Picking up your shoes and shoes and dusting them off, he continued. “That must feel better. I-I-I had to wear heels for a case once. It ugh - it's not practical when y-y-you have to run.”

“Right? I don't see how other women do it, cause I can't. I'm not even sure why I own them. I should just burn those things.”

You'd say it was half relief, half joy that made him laugh wholeheartedly at this, and you didn't see how it could be so funny. You poked him and pouted, and he delighted in this. “See?” he chuckled, looking at you in that funny way he did from time to time.

“See what?”

“This. This is th-the girl I fell in love with,” he stated matter of factly. “the one who likes t-to be comfortable, speaks her mind and prefers those jeans with th-the rip on the side. Not to mention those graphic t-shirts. Or cute pj's.”

Your breath caught a little at this confession. How could the smartest man in the universe adore an impertinent person like you? Maybe the same way you could love the smartest man; you just do. In your girlish voice, you said. “I only wanted you to be proud of me.”

Holding you a fraction tighter, he pressed a light kiss to your temple and chuckled sweetly. “Y-you already do princess. Today y-you made an effort for me, and that's impressive, but honestly, I want you t-t-to be comfortable and dress up how y-you like. You as yourself is what impresses me, because you have s-s-so much spirit, and I - that's what makes y-you gorgeous.”

This time you didn't even try to hide your blush.

“Oh Rick, hearing you say that really does make me feel silly. Why did I do this to myself? What was I thinking?”

“I believe y-you're still trying to figure it all out like the rest of us, and I can't get mad at you for th-that because you're wonderfully human. You had good intentions, and th-that's what counts.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“I al-already have.”

TBC

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: I saw Buster: Where are you going? Rio: Not decided Buster: How much do you have in your account? Rio: Loads Rio: Great stream, like Rio: despite some vocal haters Buster: Yeah Buster: Get as far as you can then Buster: Fuck him Rio: I won't, that's the problem Buster: Like that's his only problem Rio: No need to tell me Rio: don't recommend you engage with him but Buster: What do you want me to do? Rio: Nothing Rio: Not forgotten how you feel about it, like Rio: not expecting sympathy Buster: Don't be like that Rio: Why not Buster: 'Cause I ain't him Buster: Don't treat me like I am Rio: Sorry Rio: idk what to do Buster: Come here Rio: I can't Buster: Why not? Rio: Plenty of reasons Rio: For one you don't wanna see me Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: Try and tell me otherwise Buster: Rio Buster: I want to see you Rio: Maybe I'll just fake out and stay Rio: how sad would that be Rio: unforgivable or? Buster: 'Course not Buster: You can do whatever you want Rio: Can I? Rio: 'cos Ryan don't reckon so Buster: What does that cunt know about anything? Rio: Enough to drag my name through the dirt Rio: that's for sure Buster: Enough that he has to try Buster: He knows he fucked up when he lost you but that's all he has a clue about Buster: And he was punching above his weight since day 1, he's also gotta be aware of that Rio: Nah Rio: he just hates me Rio: not wrong with what he's saying but Buster: Shut up Buster: That's bullshit Buster: He's got no right to hate you Rio: Maybe not but Rio: I get it Rio: nothing he says is untrue Rio: just wish he didn't care Buster: Fuck that Buster: I bet most of what he says is utter bullshit Rio: Nah Rio: hand him the ammo, don't I Buster: It's not your fault he's fucked in the head, babe Buster: Don't talk shit Rio: Just 'cause he's obsessed don't mean he ain't got a point Rio: whether I like it or not Rio: probably why it makes me so mad Rio: my easy money called into question Buster: Stop it Buster: You could leaving a nun life and he'd still wanna find ways to make you feel bad Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Maybe Rio: unlikely to find that out any time soon Buster: Good Buster: Don't change for him Buster: He's worth shit, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Still dictating shit regardless Rio: laughing with it Rio: why did I rise to it Buster: 'Cause you've had enough Buster: It's been going on so long Rio: How awful that I wish he'd just get a new girlfriend already Rio: why would I want that for anyone Buster: 'Cause you want rid Buster: I don't blame you Rio: Promise? Buster: I swear Buster: Don't blame yourself either Rio: Hard not to Rio: I did it Rio: so stupid Buster: You're not stupid Rio: Yes I am Rio: What was the point Buster: Shut up Buster: You're smarter than him Buster: And me Buster: We both know it's my fault you fucked Curtis Buster: I would've made it up to you if Indie didn't have other ideas, like Rio: Oh yeah 😂 high school dropout with one shit job and one dubious one Rio: genius, like Buster: You're not funny, doesn't mean you aren't smart Buster: So stop Rio: I don't want to Rio: can't Rio: idk Buster: What do you want? Buster: Seriously Rio: Am I meant to know? Rio: I don't Rio: I'm not like you, clever, whatever you want to call it Rio: I have no clue what I'm doing or why Buster: I don't buy it Buster: I know you've got goals Buster: You're as motivated as I am Rio: Why are you being nice Rio: not letting me mope Buster: 'Cause he keeps hurting you Buster: And like I said, I ain't him Buster: That and you won't let me kill him Rio: Can't be the egomaniac that tries to fight their own case Rio: never ends well, babe Buster: Don't underestimate me, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: just trying to give you a little dose of reality Buster: Bit late, don't you reckon Rio: I'm a tryer Buster: Yeah? Rio: You know it Buster: Don't give up then Rio: don't worry, at an airport, not the traintracks or bridge Buster: Hilarious Buster: Decided where you're going yet or what Rio: I'll check where's cheapest and where's going the minute I decide I wanna Rio: doesn't matter really Buster: 'Course it matters Buster: Going to a shithole isn't gonna cheer you up Rio: I mean Rio: I won't go to... Rio: Yugoslavia? idk Rio: somewhere sunny'll cut it Buster: 😂 Rio: just trying to hype your postcode Rio: i 👀 you Buster: I reckon its got itself covered Buster: And I ain't gotta hype me Rio: You have put those hours in by now, yeah 😜 Buster: Just you wait, babe Buster: Barely started with you Rio: I know Rio: Can't even blame all those false starts on how hot I am Buster: Welcome back Rio: 😏 Rio: Wishing you could be holding that sign at Heathrow, babe Buster: Obviously Buster: Really missing you, like Rio: Really feel it Buster: Good Rio: Well Rio: looks like I'm off to Spain Buster: I'll see you around then Rio: yeah? Rio: cool Buster: How long are you gonna be gone? Rio: just a few days Rio: can't leave indie Buster: I can check in Buster: She'd love it Rio: hmm Buster: You know she would Rio: yeah Rio: but i don't Rio: thank you very much Buster: What do you think is gonna happen? Buster: she's a kid Rio: an insatiable kid Rio: with no boundaries Buster: She ain't got any maybe but I do Rio: Some, like Rio: don't get carried away Buster: Fuck off Rio: What? Rio: Just saying Rio: too late to put some back in place Buster: Am I meant to care? Rio: Probably Rio: you still haven't realised? Buster: What? Rio: I'm going to fuck you up Buster: You wish, babe Rio: I seriously don't Rio: but I will if you let me Buster: The only way you can hurt me is the way I like Buster: Don't worry about it Rio: Okay Rio: you better be right Rio: i tried to stop this, let the record show Buster: I'm always right, babe Buster: And I'm sick of being stopped Rio: Same Rio: I wish it had been you Rio: sorry if you don;t wanna hear it Buster: It's alright Buster: I know Rio: what a mess Buster: I wish I could make you forget everybody else Rio: you could Rio: don't pick now to be humble Buster: Seriously though Buster: I hate that your exes get to treat you how they do Rio: Know how to pick 'em, right Buster: Yeah Rio: Tragic Buster: I ain't one to talk Rio: Yeah Rio: Right pair Rio: Commiserate with me Buster: I'll take a drink Rio: Sláinte baby Buster: Cheers Rio: what are you doing Buster: An assignment Buster: Technically Rio: Oop, my bad Buster: Yeah 'cause I'd rather study Rio: Should Rio: be a good boy Buster: Fuck should Rio: honestly Rio: tut tut Rio: what am i gonna do with you Buster: Everything Buster: And anything you want Rio: promises, promises Buster: What else do you want me to give you? Rio: just all of you Buster: I'll get myself to the airport then, shall I Rio: don't be moody Rio: everyone's in a mood with me Rio: i'm trying to be good Buster: I ain't Buster: I just want to actually be able to come with Rio: I know Rio: time alone will probably be good for me though, you who came for me on that, right? Rio: but i'll be thinking about you Rio: a lot Buster: I know Buster: You need to go Rio: Next time Rio: I'll come to you Rio: not because I'm running from someone else, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: Am I being weird Rio: I'm airport drunk Buster: I like it Buster: Just make sure they let you on the plane, babe Rio: oi Rio: i'm a calm composed lady Rio: and there's a hen party on my flight who are gonna need all the handling so Buster: 😂 Buster: slip the hot ones my number, like Rio: no. Rio: you can't do any handling from there anyway hush Buster: Like I said, don't underestimate me, babe Rio: always want me to do your work for you Rio: your type ain't mine, trust Buster: We've already established your type ain't worth nobody's time Rio: fuck off Rio: girls are different Buster: You've got a type of girl too then? Rio: duh Rio: i celebrate all things woman, that's my whole job Buster: where's those exes, like? Rio: 😂 Rio: suddenly interested Buster: No shit Rio: typical bloke 😏 Buster: Not yours thank fuck Buster: So glad to be a different class Rio: you want me to feel offended? Rio: thought he weren't my fault Buster: I'm not shading you just the lads you've been with Buster: 'Cause he's the worst, yeah, but he ain't the only twat, is he Rio: what you gonna do about it, boy? Rio: you wanna matchmake for me? get me a 💎 Buster: I'm gonna give you better Buster: Then you won't wanna go back to all that bullshit Buster: All you gotta do is keep up Rio: Yeah? Rio: Never had a problem with that Rio: just don't keep me running circles 'round you forever Buster: You must be drunk if you're dropping the f bomb Rio: ha no Rio: just feels like forever Buster: One thing I can't argue with you about Rio: too right Rio: so shh Buster: I'm not in the library I'll be as loud as I want, cheers Rio: say something worthwhile then please Buster: Take lots of pics for me while you're away, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: tan progress, naturally Rio: or if you're in the market for some nice bikinis Rio: got you, babe Buster: Standard Rio: will you call me Rio: i'm already lonely Buster: Now? Rio: No, you're working hard Rio: or meant to be Rio: but when i'm there and you've finished Buster: Yeah Rio: Don't have to Buster: I know I don't Rio: 😔 Rio: want me again Rio: i'll make it up to you Buster: I haven't stopped Buster: You know I can't Rio: but don't want to stop Buster: I want you Buster: That's all Rio: i'm going to make it so worth it i swear Rio: i know its been too long Buster: I've wanted you for years, babe Buster: I can handle waiting Rio: I can't Rio: I'm so mad at the world Rio: leave us alone for 15 minute god Buster: You sure you don't want me to call you now? Rio: 😈 Rio: Not my ideal mile-high fantasy with you obviously but Rio: I need it Buster: Maybe not but I've still thought about it Buster: Been thinking about it since you said you were at the airport Rio: You're really gonna need me to check that essay for typos then, babe Rio: I'm not going to the bathroom, so you do the telling and I'll be trying my best to stay quiet, yeah? Buster: Having you on my desk is a fantasy for another day Buster: Until then, yeah Buster: cum for me quietly that'll be a new one Rio: Sadly Rio: Fuck me 😍🤤 Rio: I love a challenge, yeah Buster: I love that either way I win Rio: I see no real downside Rio: you're going to make me cum either way Rio: whether i get forcibly removed from the plane is another thing but come on guys, be cool Buster: Well, if you are you know who to call Buster: Least I can do, like Rio: reckon they'd just fly through to spain, like Rio: no point coming back Rio: me sat there in cuffs Rio: getting too kinky Buster: 😂 Buster: I don't reckon there'll be many complaints Buster: They'll appreciate it if anything Rio: in flight entertainment Rio: not a male stripper, soz girls but you know you love it Buster: Put me there on the facetime if they get mad about it Rio: 😂 Rio: let you steal my thunder this once 'cos at least i'll get to see too Buster: you're all welcome, like Rio: save the best for just me though Buster: I will if you do Rio: Promise Buster: Okay Buster: I'm calling

[sprinkleofhappinessuniverse]

I'm With Cupid - Part 5

Synopsis: In this AU, You're known for being excellent at your job at being a Cupid. You never give up on your charges and believe that everyone deserves some sort of love. James Buchanan Barnes is your newest charge and is determined to not fall in love. You have one month to find him a romantic partner and it proves to be more of a challenge than you thought and little do you know this assignment will turn out like no other.

Pairing: Bucky x reader (eventual) 

Word Count: 3728

Warnings: Cursing, Angst, Insecure Bucky 

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long! My life’s been crazy and I've spent a good few days trying to make this part decent! Sorry for the long wait guys, I feel really bad! 

I'm With Cupid Masterlist

Your plan had worked. Thanks to Steve’s heads up about the elementary school needing volunteers, you made a trip to the school the next day to sign up as volunteer. Steve helped to prepare and create an alias for yourself and you were able to convince them that you'd be good enough to help out even if it was only for a few days. Neither of you had told Bucky about your plan. Sam was also in on in it and his exact words to you were “Bucky’s gonna be super pissed. You might be the first Cupid to be murdered by their charged.”

Sure, Bucky wouldn't be happy but it was for his own good. After the bad luck with Samantha you had hopes that his soulmate was amongst some of his peers at the school.

“So here is the library, this is where some of the children will read out their stories to the parents. And down here is the hall.” The vice principal - Mrs Thompson - said as you and few other volunteers shuffled down the school’s corridor, getting a tour before being assigned tasks to do. You politely nodded, smiling a little as you discreetly eyed the other volunteers.

You and Steve had come up with the alias that you were an old friend of Steve’s, who travelled around a lot volunteering, helping people out in places: hospitals, schools, shops. Part of your supposed expertise was volunteering at a matchmaking service. The two of you had come up with that so that if you found any potential women for Bucky you had something lead off.

There weren't many volunteers, only around six others. Three of whom were male - Bucky had only shown an interest women so that ruled them out. The other three women were married by the rings on their fingers. So already, that ruled out potential soulmates but you didn't worry just yet, you still had the teachers to meet.

Eventually, you came to the end of the tour and was lead into the school’s hall where teachers and teaching assistants were bustling around hanging up decorations and getting supplies from the storage cupboards. Whilst Mrs Thompson babbled needlessly about the everyone setting up the decorations you found yourself smiling. There was a certain buzz you gained from being around people and humanity. Even something as simple and ordinary as this fascinated you.

“Y/N!” Mrs Thompson called. You were immediately brought back to attention and tried to give your friendliest smile. “As we’re short on teaching assistants, we need someone to help out with Miss Phillips’ class. Although her class is paired up with Mr Rogers’ they need extra hands to decorate their classrooms and to help out with the children and their performances.”

“Yes. I can do that.” You said firmly, nodding slightly. She smiled at you and beckoned over a woman. This woman looked to be in her mid to late twenties, with curly black hair and she was flashing the both of you a dimpled smile.

“Bella. This is Y/N, Y/L/N. she is one of our volunteers and will be helping out with your class. She's had quite a bit of experience and I think you will make a wonderful team. Y/N, this is Bethor as our students know her, Miss Phillips.” Mrs Thompson announced cheerfully as Beth held out her hand. Remembering some of the tips Steve taught you, you shook it. You couldn't help but notice there was no ring on her finger, nor her other hand which you were able to get a quick glance at.

“So you’ll be joining team Phillips! I gotta warn you though, the kids are rascals.” Beth said, chuckling. You laughed a little, instantly liking her.

“Bella, I trust you can take it from here, get Y/N started on some tasks. You have about fifteen minutes before the school day starts.”

“Will do Mrs Thompson.” Beth replied, giving her a reassuring smile before turning and putting a hand on your shoulder. “So what brings you to our delightful school?”

“Well I travelled a lot..and um...Steve told me about they were looking for volunteers here so I thought, why not offer up my services!” You said, trying to remember the cover you had made up. Beth nodded.

“Well, it may only be for a few days but you're gonna have a great time. The actual exhibitions will be on Thursday and Friday but we’re preparing today and tomorrow. Steve and I have joined classes and they’ll be doing a musical performance. Mostly comprised of singing and tambourine playing.” She babbled leading you over to Steve who seemed to be standing next to a storage cupboard and checking off things on a clipboard. He looked up at the two of you and instantly smiled.

“Morning ladies.” He greeted.

“Hey Steve. Looks like I'm stealing your friend from you. Should we put her in charge of setting up the instruments?” She asked. Steve nodded. “Cool. You’ll be helping James out, beware he's a little grumpy.” She laughed. Both you and Steve laughed too before sharing a knowing look. Bucky was not going to be happy.

“He's a lovely guy though.” She said before leaning towards you. “And kinda cute.” She whispered. You couldn't help but smile to yourself, thinking about your master plan. “Speak of the devil.”

You looked up to see Bucky coming out of the storeroom carrying a rather large box. His eyes were focused on the contents on the box so he hadn't spotted you. You stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do and Steve shot you a quick look, the corner of his mouth turning upwards.

“I think that's everything Steve. I’ll have to double check and Tony is sending one the delivery guys later to drop off the sound system.” Bucky rambled as he set the box on a nearby table, his back still turned away from you.

“Uh Buck, we’ve got our fourth helper here. One of the volunteers.” Steve said. He said it lightly, with some reluctancy as he kept his eyes on you not knowing how Bucky was going to react once he saw who the fourth helper was.

“Okay cool.” Bucky mumbled. He stood up straighter and adjusted himself before turning towards you. Instantly he frowned. “Oh, it's you.”

“Hi.” You greeted awkwardly.

“So you two know each other?” Beth Questioned, an eyebrow arched.

“You could say that.” Bucky grumbled.

“Yeah we’re mutual friends of Steve.” You replied, chuckling lightly.

Bucky couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the word “friends” but his frown deepened. Beth Simply nodded before smiling at the both of you.

“Steve and I need to get to registration now so you guys can set up the chairs on the stage and we’ll be in soon with the kids to start rehearsal.” She said. Bucky nodded.

“See you guys in ten.” Steve said turning with Beth To exit the hall. He leaned in when he passed Bucky. “Be nice.”

The other volunteers and staff had left the hall already which left just you and Bucky. He sighed and rubbed his forehead, exasperatedly.

“I really shouldn't be surprised that you're here.” He grumbled.

“Bucky, I'm here to help.”

“No, I'm pretty sure you're here to make my life a living hell. You've even brainwashed Steve.”

“I haven't brainwashed anyone. You're being melodramatic.”

“I'm melodramatic? You're the one who keeps spouting crap like it's my “destiny’” he argued, air quoting the word Destiny. He the picked up the box off the table and walked over to the stage. You  followed him.

“That's because it is. I don't understand why you're so against it. “

“I'm not having this argument with you. Help me set up the chairs, d’you think you can do that?” He said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“I do know how to set up chairs Bucky. I'm a Cupid not an alien.”

He ignored you as he placed the box on the corner of the stage and climbed up to set up the chairs. You followed suit. He was still going out of his way to interact with you as little as possible and so the two of you set up the chairs in silence.

“So how're you finding it here so far?” Beth Said to you once all the kids had been let out for recess. You had enjoyed

“It's nice here. I'm enjoying it. The kids are talented.” You replied. Beth chuckled a little as she re-adjusted the chairs on the stage.

“Yep they're good kids and make teaching worthwhile. So how long have you and James known each other? Or Bucky as Steve calls him. ” She asked.

“Uh, not too long only a short while.” You said, not a complete lie and you were glad she mentioned Bucky because you could definitely see some potential between the two of them. “I might seem nosy pointing this out but earlier you mentioned finding Bucky cute?”

Beth immediately smiled and looked down a bit. This caused you to smile.

“One of my jobs was a matchmaker and I can definitely see something potential there.” You said feeling a little more optimistic once you saw her blush. You had been in the business long enough to know that was telltale signs of at least a little crush.

“Okay, so I might have a tiny crush. But it's nothing major besides we hardly have time to talk. He's only in once a week and he helps out at Steve’s class.” She said shrugging.

“But you two do have the next couple of days and I do have the upper hand of knowing Bucky so I could give you a few pointers. What do you say? Let me play Cupid?” You added the last part for comedic effect, hoping it made you “blend in” more. Beth pursed her lips and was silent for a while.

“Alright, I accept your offer.” She said shyly.

The rest of the day had you helping out Steve and Beth out with rehearsals or decorating. Besides fulfilling your job role you had a newfound talent in interacting with the children causing Bucky to roll his eyes a few times (though you suspected it was more to annoy you than him being annoyed himself). In the afternoon, a delivery came dropping off the sound system to accompany the children’s performance. Steve and Bucky had insisted in getting it and bringing it in which left you and Beth to talk more. She had told you a bit about herself and you were sure she would be a great match for Bucky. She was confident and independent but kind with a good sense of humour. You also used the time to give her some pointers on connecting with Bucky.

“Start off small, Bucky can come across as shy. He owns a dog so maybe talk about animals or pets and start off from there.” You had told her. It was only a small point but you thought it best to start of small and slightly discreet.

You wasn't required to be in until later in the morning the next day and when you walked into the hall to join, Steve, Beth and Bucky you were pleased to see them engaged in conversation. Well, Beth was doing most of the talking but Bucky did seem to be engaged, despite his arms crossed firmly across his chest he was nodding along and his expression seemed a little more upbeat than usual. You smiled instantly and walked over to Steve.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Steve greeted, smiling at you.

“Good morning Steve.”

“I'm guessing you found your match for Bucky then.” He said nodding his head over to where Bucky and Beth were.

“I think I might have.” You replied, somewhat excitedly. Just then, Beth looked over at the two of you and smiled, Bucky looked over to you and didn't smile but he didn't look as annoyed at you as he usually did or give you a death glare so that was something.

“Good morning to my favourite volunteer!” Beth said cheerily.

“Good morning Beth. Good morning Bucky.” You said.

“Good morning Y/N.” Bucky said. Beth didn't react but both you and Steve looked at him as though he grew. Second head. Bucky had actually said good morning to you. Bucky was actually being nice to you. Progress was happening.

The day was busy and none of you had much time to talk to one another. Steve had made sure your jobs and tasks didn't involve talking to the parents. Despite being an experienced Cupid you didn't have much experience in schools or education establishments. There were a lot of breaks throughout the day and you had learned by many small games thanks to the kids. They adored you and you had learned Simon Says, I Spy and Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. At one point, out of the corner of your eye, noticed Bucky looking at you with the kids and smiling. (Though, you knew he would never confess to doing that).

“So how is it going with you and Bucky?” You asked Beth.

“It's going well, I think. Y’know you're right, he is a really nice guy. I haven't spoken to him much today but I'm definitely enjoying his company.”

The next day, you were able to speak to Beth more and give her more pointers and tips. You noticed her and Bucky converse more and each time you could see Bucky let down his guard a little and become more engaged with the conversation. At the end of the day you noticed Beth go in for a hug goodbye and Bucky...didn't pull back. He hugged her back. You were definitely pleased and thought you were actually getting somewhere.

The next day however, you let your excitement get the better of you. Bucky seemed less grumpy than usual.

“So you and Beth seemed to be getting along.” You said to him that morning. He looked at you before frowning.

“I knew you not bothering me was too good to be true.” He grumbled. “Don't even think about it.”

“But--” you stopped talking once Bucky shot you a death glare.

Despite being averse to the idea of you setting him and Beth up he did seem to interact well with her. It was as though Beth were able to make him forget himself and it came naturally. You also saw another side to Bucky. A much kinder side that you couldn't help but like. It was when he was around the kids, parents and even Beth. You knew Bucky was a good person which was why you were so determined to help him.

After everyone went home you had stayed behind and helped cleaned up. You were taken some things back to the classroom as instructed by Steve and stopped when you overheard Beth and Bucky talking.

“So...uh..Bucky. What're you doing tomorrow night?” You heard Beth ask him. She sounded nervous.

“Uh...I'm not too sure.” Bucky replied. He sounded equally as nervous.

“Well, I was wondering if maybe...you...uh…” Beth stumbled. You bit your lip, you knew exactly what was happening and could feel the excitement bubble inside you. “Sorry, I'm a bumbling mess.” Beth laughed.

“It's okay.” Bucky assured her. ‘Well done Bucky.’ You thought to yourself.

“Would you like to catch a movie and get drinks or something?” She asked. You felt like squealing.

“I uh, i...I don't know. I don't really do the whole movie and drinks scene. Besides I have to watch Ollie and I do have some websites to update. Sorry.” You heard Bucky reply. Just like that your optimism was deflated. You felt like personally karate chopping that man yourself. He was so infuriating!

“Oh right, Ollie of course. I understand. It was good to have you around these past couple of day. Well, I uh...better be off. Have. A good weekend.” Beth said and she sounded disappointed. She left the classroom coat and bag on and looked deflated. “I guess you heard that, huh. It was nice to meet you Y/N. have a good weekend.” She lightly tapped you on the shoulder before heading off.

You sighed out loud, you were too angry to stop yourself and marched into the room. Bucky frowned at you.

“Bucky! Why did you turn down the date!” You exclaimed.

“I told you, I'm not looking for love.” He grumbled.

“Will you stop this already? Here you have a perfectly nice woman, who you actually get on with and yet you still turn her down. She even put up with your grumpiness!” You argued. Bucky rolled his eyes.

“Well why don't you go and find her one your stupid soulmates? Actually use your energy on somebody worth it!”

“Because you're my charge! You're supposed to find love! I'm here to help you!”

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're wrong for once? Or does that bruise your ego?”

“I do not do this for myself. I'm doing this for you. Why is it so hard for you to understand that?”

“Two Cupids have already been sent down and failed. What makes you think you're any different?” Bucky argued back. His voice was getting louder. “I'm not worth this! I'm not worth any of this!”

“Believe it or not Bucky people do care about you!” You shouted just as loud. “Steve cares about you! Beth cares about you! Even I care about you! Don't think for a minute you're not worth any of this because you are!”

Bucky clenched his jaw but it seemed as though the words were sinking into his brain a little. However, he said nothing and turned to leave.

“You can't run from love Bucky.” You called out. He stopped and turned to you.

“I'm not running from love Y/N. The truth is I stopped looking a long time ago.” He said it a little quieter before walking off to go home.

Not ready to go anywhere else you walked into the café and was surprised to not see Wanda behind the counter. Instead was a young man who handled the customer’s orders with impressive efficiency. Once it was your turn to be served you ordered a caffe mocha and when he smiled at you, you noticed he had the same smile as Wanda and the same eyes. They're definitely related you thought to yourself. Once he served gave you your drink you made your way into the table in the corner and sighed as you thought about Bucky. There was so much hurt and insecurity. Despite your continuous arguing you really wanted to help him.

“Mind if I sit here?” You heard a voice. You turned around to Steve smiling down at you a drink in his hand.

“Hello Steve.” You said glumly pushing out a chair for him.

“Hi Y/N.” he said taking a seat. “Let me take a wild guess and say Bucky is the reason you're frowning so much.”

“We kinda had an argument. He really doesn't believe he's worth being in love. It's like he doesn't think people care about him. He seemed so sad.” You said solemnly.

“Bucky’s had something of a rough time. He's never really been extremely lucky in love. And since joining the military he hasn't been as happy as he used to be. So much so he left. He was diagnosed with depression but he's stubborn. He's not good with talking about his feelings. No one could get him to attend therapy sessions but I did manage to get him to go to a few group meetings that Sam ran at the DVA. I brought him a dog which seemed to help and got him work. He's a lot better tha. He was 3 years ago but he's still missing that spark.” Steve told you.

“I just wish I could help him. I know he's genuinely a good person and I haven't known him long but I want him to have a happy life.” You said. And you meant it too. You really meant it. Steve smiled at you.

“I don't know what his other Cupids were like but I think you're the one to get through to him. You're naturally kind and He deserves someone like you.” Steve said sipping his coffee. You smiled although your weren't entirely sure what he meant by that.

Bucky woke up the next morning and sighed. He felt really guilty for the previous day's events. He didn't mean to let Beth down like that. He liked Beth, he really did, he wasn't too sure what came over him but he chickened out. He guessed he was a little bit scared. But surprisingly he found himself feeling guilty for the way he behaved around and said to you. You were doing your job. And although the previous Cupids had told him similar things they gave up quickly on him and with you it seemed like you genuinely cared. Despite his grumpiness toward you he did like you a little bit.

He sighed, he and really made a mess of things. He brushed his teeth and poured Ollie’s food for him before making himself breakfast. As he waited for his toast to pop up he remembered that sometime over the past few days Beth and him had exchanged numbers. He then thought about what you said. He had a change of heart and decided he was going to give a date with Beth a shot and he knew he'd need help from a Cupid. He closed his eyes and concentrated before shouting your name. A few seconds later he heard the unmistakable sound of someone in his apartment. When he opened his eyes he saw you standing there looking startled.

“Bucky what's wrong? Is everything alright?” You said, alarmed.

“Everything's fine.” He replied, he offered you a small smile. The shocked expression didn't leave your face and he wasn't surprised. He and given you the cold shoulder after all. “I've been a jerk. A real jerk. I decided I'm going to give Beth a call and tell her the date is on. But I'm going to need help from my Cupid.”

Your shocked expression was replaced with a smile.

“Of course.”

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged: Tags: @poe-also-bucky @lilasiannerd  @harleenquim @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @wellfuckbuck @kaiyaisbae @mori-smarties @dudewithametalarm