#i'm actually gonna separate them out from here because i just realized i can't change the order

[starshipcaptainjojo]

Mihawk is the master of the "bitch" gym

[Part 1]

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite Expressions in Love Sea Ep. 7

On a personal level this week has been a very mixed bag but I know that if nothing else got me, this show got me. It's gonna come in clutch for me every time, spider bites and potential hauntings be damned.

I. Love. It. Here.

Will I ever not take psychic damage from the expression Tongrak makes when Mahasamut tells him that he cares about him? The answer is no. It's wonderful and devastating every time.

"How would you rate me out of 10?" Mahasamut asks while Tongrak's face plots teasing and mischief.

Opening a safe shouldn't look so much like staring down the gallows but here we are. Not being able to see how Tongrak's hands were shaking in a screenshot is a blessing.

The panic and terror on this man's face when he saw the read receipt on his phone is something I never want to see again. My hatred for Rak's piece of shit sperm donor is murderous and profound. How actually fucking dare he put this look on his child's face I'm going to kill him with my bare hands.

Peat's acting is so genuinely good that it hurts me. Tongrak was trembling so much that he was struggling to put the phone away and when he gets back to his room, he practically tries to crawl into Mahasamut's skin to hide and feel safe. Look at him, he looks so tiny and scared and I want to cry.

Let us take a break from the sad with this supremely horny shot of Mook unzipping Vivi's dress. Everyone say thank you.

And pour one out for our girl, as is now a weekly custom. Vivi my girly is dying CONFESS TO HER AND MAKE OUT ABOUT IT.

"I'm not going to the event! >:(" Yes you are, mi alma, look at your face when Mook threatens to quit.

Not pictured: One (1) resigned sigh

The grumpiest kitten in the whole venue.

Tongrak: *complaining* Mahasamut: *heart eyes*

My favorite moment of the face journey Tongrak goes on when he realizes just how good Mahasamut looks and that he will be Perceived and decides to mess up his hair about it. The grumpy kitten is a jealous jellyfish.

It's the fact that Tongrak looks surprised that his fans like his books and have consumed his entire body of work. I'M GOING TO SOB.

The smile is polite and professional but the eyes are sparkly. He genuinely enjoys interacting with his fans.

The proud husband smile means everything to me.

THE LOOK OF ABSOLUTE LOATHING AND DISGUST! INCREDIBLE PHENOMENAL OUTSTANDING.

IF YA'LL THINK I'M NOT GONNA MAKE A SEPARATE POST ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS MAN YOU'RE SO FUCKING WRONG

If I have to have this demonic nasty hell witch on my screen, at least I get to watch her face make this expression after Tongrak calls her out for imitating him because he got it right on the money and she knows it.

Tongrak and the visceral hatred in his eyes said play me another waltz I'm tired of dancing to this one.

God love you, but you look so tired.

This entire scene was more brutal to watch than the fight outside of Tongrak's house. It was obvious that something more was going on from how calmly he was speaking and how non-responsive he became toward the end of it, but look at his hands. Look at how tightly they're clenched. Maintaining his composure while Prin stuck that knife in his wounds and twisted it as viciously as she could cost him, and it would be obvious even if we hadn't already seen them fight.

Tongrak, you're my fighter. He still looks tired because he is, but he also looks like the imperious ice prince he's had to be to survive. Then the utterly dismissive way he turns and walks out and cuts eye contact?

We can barely see Nouel's smile but it's so clearly saying "bruh that's cringe".

He's not just my fighter. He's Mahasamut's fighter, too.

Do ya'll remember how Tongrak was acting when he first brought Mahasamut to live with him and Vivi was teasing him?

Look how far they've come.

I can't quite articulate how, but the way they look at each other has changed, and I don't just mean because they're being lovey in front of Vivi and Mook. There's this undercurrent of sweetness that wasn't there before, even in private. That scene way back in episode 3 where Tongrak told Mahasamut to ask him to stay on the island which had so much softness and fondness to it did not have that same something that's now present.

I'm gonna leave ya'll with that and then go take more screenshots so I can properly scream about Mahasamut. And let me know if you wanna be tagged in these weekly writeups!

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

I Cherish You, Halcyon Days: iii.

“You’re gonna die, kid. In the worst way possible.”

tags: afab!reader (she/her), angst, slow burn

pairing: gojou x reader + onesided!getou x reader

summary: You’re 15 years old when you’re told you’re going to die. You’re 17 years old when you realize who your killer will be. And you’re 17 years old when you make peace with the fact you wouldn’t want it any other way.

index | previous chapter | next chapter

If you thought that on December 8th you would get a break from Gojou Satoru in your life, you were very much so wrong.

At this hour, there isn't even an opportunity to even try meeting up with your friends. They're all in school, one without the luxury of giving students the day off when a birthday or two comes around. You really do have to hope and pray for an opportunity to hang out to fall into your lap. It was one of your few promises to yourself when you entered the world of fighting against curses rather than passively living with them.

Even if you were living out an otaku's dream of fighting evil, you wouldn't forget the normalcy you were leaving behind.

It's just a lot easier said than done now that you're no longer in it ー not that you truly ever were as someone born to see curses.

At the very least, though, if things had been a bit different, you could have at least spent the hours leading up to your birthday with your actual friends instead of the class menace. I don't even know why he's here, you grumble as you skulk forward through the crowd. There are so many things Gojou could be doing besides being in your vicinity.

He could have gone to an arcade.

He could have stayed in his room playing video games. No, instead he's here with you smack dab in the middle of town because it would have been too boring on his own otherwise. Can't he be bored somewhere else? You again wallow over the fact your friends are in school at this present moment before deciding that is likely a good thing. Gojou does not need to meet your personal circle of friends.

"I'm bored," Gojou whines, lazily trailing behind you. "What's the point of doing this if we already know they're throwing us a party?"

My thoughts exactly, you huff. You pointedly ignore the fact that you've been completely fine with the arrangement prior to it being your turn. Birthday party set up is a different ordeal. There's usually plenty to keep you both separated from one another. "Take it up with, Fujioka-sensei and Yaga-sensei," you sigh, as you try to find something that can make time go faster. Your stomach growls and you bite your bottom lip in irritation. I shouldn't have skipped breakfast. But in their haste to boot you and Gojou out of the dorms, you forgot to grab something.

Gojou you could understand. But why you?

He's the one who shakes boxes of presents even if they're his.

You're as a mild-mannered as they come.

"Screw walking around, we might as well just find somewhere to eat," you look over your shoulder at the boy and he shrugs back, fine with the change of plans. "I'm pretty sure there's a Johnny's somewhere close by." Even a hole-in-the-wall restaurant will do.

"What about over there?" Gojou nods his chin far at the first building that catches his eye.

"There?" You raise an incredulous brow, resting your hands on your hips. It's no Johnny's, it seems a bit more cutesy than that with its quaint brick walls and frosted windows. The Christmas decorations leave little to be desired. "I don't want to deal with Santa in my ear the whole time."

Gojou points over to the establishment again and you trail after his finger until he stops at a bright, cherry-red sign, "but there's a discount."

Discount?

Christmas Lovey-Dovey Special: Couple's Receive 50% Off!

You share a look for approximately three seconds before your hands are clasping one another with much enthusiasm as you practically skip to the restaurant in question. "You know, darling, you really do come up with the best ideas, sometimes," you beam, eyes practically sparkling. If there is one thing people love universally whether rich or poor, it's a damn discount. And if holding hands and acting lovey dovey with Gojou means getting half off on a random discount for breakfast, you'll fold faster than Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice.

"Only sometimes?" Gojou croons and you're sure he's fluttering his eyelashes. "I'm pretty sure you mean all the time, cupcake."

Don't push it, your eyes narrow.

You get a shit-eating grin in return. "Table for two please," Gojou holds up two fingers with his free hand as you approach the doors, just as a hostess passes by. "We're just celebrating our birthdays!"

"He's December 7th," you point over to Gojou with a dreamy sigh.

"She's December 9th," Gojou nudges you lightly with a grin. "We're soulmates, it's pretty much a sign we were born for each other. Celebrating on the 8th is a happy medium, right, honey?"

"Satoru, please," your grip on his hand tightens in warning as you chuckle sheepishly. You're being too extra, dumbass. Gojou grins despite that, squeezing back just as hard but twice as obnoxious. "You're embarrassing me. She doesn't want to hear all of that sappy stuff. Don't indulge him, he's just in a good mood because we're partying with our friends later."

The hostess, bless her heart, takes Gojou's excessiveness in stride. She definitely doesn't get paid enough to deal with your antics. "What a sweet coincidence," she smiles politely. "Follow me right this way," she says before leading you to a table not too far away by a window. She's tired of dealing with couples, you hold back a look of pity. May her shift almost be over.

Within seconds of looking at the menu, you already know what you want to order. "I'm getting the drunken udon," you tell Gojou unnecessarily. "And the grapefruit juice. It's got grapefruit chunks in it."

Gojou doesn't even attempt to hide his disgust. When it came to fruit, grapefruit is the only he hates the most. You weren't fond of grapefruit when you were younger, but in the past 6 months you developed a taste for it when you realized it was the one drink in the dorm fridge Gojou doesn't touch. It's not that bad once you get used to. "Right, I forgot you and Utahime hate sweets," Gojou clicks his tongue, unimpressed. "You have boring taste buds. At least look at the special menu before getting something this place serves all the time." He points at a sickeningly pink strawberry soda too large for one person and two heart-shaped straws. "We should get this one instead. And the waffles."

"I like sweets, I just don't wanna taste the diabetes when I consume it," you argue back. You even love strawberries. You just know that the amount of sugar in that drink is likely enough to put a caveman in a coma. There's sweet and then there's the unnatural abominations that Gojou eats on a regular. What's scarier is that his justification is that it helps fuel his brain power or something dumb like that. You're pretty sure he ripped the idea straight out of a manga and is hoping no one notices. "You drink most of it then if we get it. Talk shit about my udon all you want, I'm still ordering it."

"We're getting it," Gojou replies promptly, no room left for argument. Whatever, there's grapefruit juice back in the dorms.

I'm grabbing a water just in case then.

The water is a godsend five minutes later when you are able to confirm that the Lovers' Strawberry Cloud does, in fact, have enough sugar to put a caveman in a coma. One sip and you regretted all of your life choices that led you to this very moment. "You finish it," you mutter after gulping half of your icy water down.

He's so happy about it, you're sure this was planned from the start.

Thankfully, your food arrives not too long afterward. The only real hiccup about the customer service is the waiter giving you the wrong plates. "Here you go," his lips curled upwards gently as he placed Gojou's waffles by your hands. It's only when he tries to give your udon to Gojou that the birthday boy in question stopped the motion with a lazy hand.

"The waffles are mine, actually," Gojou deadpans, passing your plate in your direction with one hand. With a clumsy sputter, the issue is resolved in seconds and your respective meals are placed in front of the right person.

You grimace, holding back a gag of frustration when Gojou wastes no time is shoving his food down his throat. Ravenously as he eats, somehow his cheeks stay clear of sticky mess coating them. Of course, Gojou even eats pretty. You're a hater, but you can give credit where credit is due. Gojou Satoru is, objectively speaking, very pretty. To be honest, all of your classmates are hot. It's almost unfunny how there isn't one average person in their ranks, yourself included of course. Gojou is just the only classmate that's this annoying about it. It's such an insult that someone with such a shitty attitude is this pretty. Where's Utahime to rant and groan with when you need her?

When your stomach growls again, you shake your head. Eat first, hate later.

You relish the taste with an enthusiastic moan. Drunken udon is the absolute best.

"Give me a bite?"

You blink once,

twice.

"No," you look at the white-haired sorcerer like he's grown a second head. "Gojou, drunken udon has chili in it." And yet in spite of your explanation, the prodigal son of the Gojou Clan still leans over enthusiastically, mouth wide open expectantly. "Yeah, I'm not letting you eat this," you snort before taking another bite of your meal. The texture of the noodles and the bell paper, the blend of the chili and garlic. It really is heaven in every bite.

"Some girlfriend you are, you don't even care that I'm starving," apparently the lovey dovey waffle platter on the table means nothing to him. There's a pause and he must have glanced down at his plate because a moment later he added, "this means nothing."

You roll your eyes, "hey genius, a true girlfriend that cares about you won't let you eat something she knows you don't like."

"But [First]," he groans.

"Why do you even want this this, you can't even handle curry that's barely above mild!"

"You're making it look good!"

"Because it is," you reply like it's obvious. For anyone who likes spice, drunken udon is delicious. "Gojou, no," you barely stifle your snickers as you remember the day you were reminded that Gojou and spice weren't compatible in the slightest. All it took was one bite into a hot cheetoh he stole from a box of snacks your parents mailed to you for a small taste of home to send him into a coughing fit so bad you almost felt bad for the guy. "You can't handle the hot cheetohs my parents send. I really don't know what to tell you other than you are not built like that, please stop."

"First of all, I don't know what you're talking about," you shake your head with a sigh as the argument continues. How someone could be this persistent to eat something their stomach can't handle, you don't know. "And second, since then I've become a man." That was literally two weeks ago.

You shrug with a sigh, "if you really want it then." You did your part in warning him, the rest is on Gojou. With a whispered 'yes!' that was far too smug, Gojou opened his mouth expectantly once more and you finally relented in feeding him.

One second.

Two seconds-

That's all it takes before Gojou's face contorts in pain and displeasure.

"Geez, how you can eat this kind of stuff, you can't even taste it over the spice!" Wordlessly, you set down your chopsticks to pass over a napkin and watch as he spits the noodley mush into it. The amusement from watching Gojou fan his tongue and lips like they're on fire is indescribable. "Why would you let me eat this?!" If you were worried about sharing the much-too-sugary couple's drink beforehand, you don't anymore as your classmate makes quick work of ingesting it.

"You said your tastebuds had gotten stronger since the last time."

"And you trusted me?!" Gojou's sunglasses slide down the bridge of his nose to show wide blue eyes in disbelief.

"I didn't," there are a few giggles from the table to your right and you have to purse your lips together to stop yourself from joining them. Your 'boyfriend' just looks at you in utter disbelief and betrayal, rambling on and on about his woes. "Oh stop being a baby, you spat it out so you'll be fine now. Here," you reach over to grab his fork, lifting a piece of whipped cream covered waffle with a thin slice of strawberry to boot. "Heal with the power of sugar." Grumbling all the while, your boyfriend of the hour clamped his mouth down on the goods. "Better?"

When you get another mumble but no complaints, you decide that's a 'yes' and go back to your own food. "Just try not to overdo it with the sweets. We still have cake and ice cream later." You love whipped cream on waffles as much as the next person, but the amount on Gojou's plate is unholy.

"This is better than the hellfire you call food anyway," your eyes roll but your mood is surprisingly at a high. Not even Gojou and his dramatics can spoil a meal, it seems. You also can't deny that knowing he won't be touching your udon the rest of your time there also lifts your spirits. "This is the perfect amount of sweet. The perfect amount of anything," your eyes dart between the whipped cream and your classmate, deadpan disbelief all over your face. "I'm serious. The strawberries aren't sweet so it all works out." When the disbelief doesn't leave your face, Gojou points his fork in your direction. "Try it."

Reluctant, you lean over to take a tentative bite. Oh.

You blink and make a noise of pleasant surprise. The tartness of the strawberries really balanced out the sweetness of the whipped cream. "Not bad," you lick the leftover whipped cream on your lips as Gojou continues gorging himself. From the corner of your eye, you see the people a table away giggling and whispering at your exchange.

You must be selling the couple's bit quite well.

"People in this country really make a big deal of indirect kisses," you say quietly enough for the two of you, returning to your own spicy goodness. "I didn't even know what they were when I moved here. I shared food and drinks like this all the time back home." Cousins, friends and other neighborhood kids that dance across your memories over the seasons from soda to ice cream to fruit. That came to a crashing halt when, during an after school heist at a burger joint, you nearly died drinking lychee soda and angled the straw for your friend Hide to try. Then everyone kept on making jokes about us being a thing and it started getting too awkward to hang around each other because he thought I had a crush on him. Food sharing politics were different from country to country, what a twist. "I guess that's a piece of culture shock no one ever really tells you about when you move to a new country."

Gojou shrugs at your nonchalant observations, "it's not a big deal for me. I just eat what I want."

"That's because you're a food thief."

Another shrug, a lack of denial. Details, details. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you continue eating.

This isn't so bad actually, you look out the window, watching as passersby make their own ways to their destinations. Living out their lives while you're some random extra eating drunken udon in a window.

To them, you're not [Full Name], you're just a random face they won't remember if they'll even see you in the first place. It's feelings like that fills you melancholy and fascination. No curses, no sorcerers and no Jujutsu Jesus. You wonder briefly if Gojou ever has such thoughts. To one part of the world he's the one who changed its very balance. To another part, he's just some guy. Just some random guy who happens to have a penchant for wearing sunglasses indoors. If it ever looms over his mind, you can't tell nor are you close enough you think he'd tell you. Maybe he tells Suguru or something. You see a flash of white and red in your peripheral vision and when you look, there's another mouthful of waffle in your face. This is such a weird combination of food, yet you take another bite anyway. You raise a few noodles of your own and mumble over a mouthful, "want another bite of mine?"

"Yeah no, I'm good," the white-haired sorcerer replies without missing any beats and you snicker. You wonder how much time will pass before he decides to test his luck with spice all over again. You have no doubt it won't take long.

A temporary truce between Gojou and the We Hate Gojou Alliance and on your birthday of all days. Well, almost your birthday. The small day set between you both to encapsulate both. Apparently, when his obnoxious levels and extreme lack of respect is dialed down to a 2, Gojou is a lot more tolerable than usual. Talk about a birthday surprise.

The rest of your lunch is eaten in relative silence but it isn't uncomfortable, you decide as you stuff yourself with a mixture of savory and sweet. Gojou tops off the last of the waffles with a satisfied with stretch of his arms before you split the bill. Good gods, I love a discount, you sigh in satisfaction as you finally make your way to leave. "We should probably start heading back to the school right?" It shouldn't take that long to set up a party. There's only one cake. "We probably have a few hours until they're done with the cake and setting up decorations."

"Might as well walk off all the calories so there's room for later," he shrugs and he's about to put his hands in his pocket before opting to grab your hand. "Let's go pet Hachiko or something."

Off to Shibuya you go then.

The grand finale of your pretending to be a couple is nothing special. You simply walk out the door, matching smiles on your faces as you pass by the staff.

When you finally exit the building, you shudder at the cold autumn wind that hit your face. Your hand tightens around Gojou's, clutching for warmth instinctively. Of course his hands are permanently warm. "What are you, a furnace?" Gojou grins smugly when you lift your intertwined hands, scrutinizing his with a squint somewhere between envy and curiosity. He has nice hands, you note. They're soft, but not so unbelievably soft you would think he was some civilian. His palms are a touch coarse, but nothing uncomfortable to hold, with no scars or blemishes to be seen. Must be the perk of utilizing Limitless at his leisure. "Why do you get to be blessed with warm hands?"

"Maybe the universe just likes me more," he replies with ease.

Considering his future is the one that's boring and yours is the one marked with death, that must truly be the case.

"Must be."

Happy Birthday to us.

index | previous chapter | next chapter

Extra

If you're wondering what you got for your birthday: Shoko and Utahime both tipped in to get you a Yamashita Tatsuro CD. Mei Mei just tossed over a gift card and called it a day. Suguru thoughtfully got you a book next in the line of a series you're fond of. And Gojou? Well, you got to be in his presence and it was actually tolerable. Congratulations?

[makeitastrength]

You knew this was coming... what are your fave Chenford scenes? (Same deal, 1 per season, and only 1 honorable mention allowed!). Good luuuuuuck 😘

I did. I knew it was coming, and I can't even yell at you for the evil question because I'm the one who started it. Although actually, once I got started, it didn't take me that long. Somehow this one was easier than choosing my favorite episodes.

Season 1

I gotta go with the same scene you chose here, and that's the 1x20 separated-by-a-wall scene. It's intense, it's emotional, it's vulnerable, and it really illustrates how far these two have come in just six months. Despite the literal and metaphorical wall between them in this scene, it's a lot less of a barrier than it was on day one.

Honorable mention

I've always had such a soft spot for the scene in 1x13 with Tim and Lucy and the woman with the embryos. It's the way he says "But doing this? It won't put your marriage back together, okay? Nothing will. But you will come to hate yourself if you go through with this." Every time, I flash back to 1x07 and Lucy saying "I came here to remind you that you'll regret helping her. Because it's not gonna change her. But it'll sure as hell change you." And just... THE GROWTH! Look at this man learning from his own experiences and using that to talk this woman down. It's such an underrated moment and I love it so much.

Season 2

This season was SO HARD because there are SO MANY good chenford scenes. But truthfully, the end of 2x12 has always been my favorite. In just this one scene we see Lucy struggling with her recovery, we see Tim struggling to find a way to support her through her recovery, and then we see him finding the exact words she needs to hear and ultimately pulling a smile and an almost-laugh out of her despite the tears in her eyes. They're both so raw and vulnerable and I'm pretty sure this is my favorite chenford scene of all time.

Honorable mention

It was a close call here between the hospital scene in 2x11 and the ending of 2x02, but ultimately I have to go with the latter. I mean... she called Isabel to ask about his learning style??? And then she stayed up all night to record a whole ass audio book for him??? And then she helps him see it as a strength??? This man has ALWAYS been worth the effort for her and he's only just barely beginning to comprehend that.

Season 3

Season 2 was so hard to narrow down and now here I am in season 3 with the opposite problem. Not that I dislike season 3. I'm just realizing that my favorite chenford scenes aren't really in this season. I guess I gotta go with the wedding scene in 3x14 because like, excuse me you two, you are blatantly checking each other out and you are IN PUBLIC. Absolutely zero subtlety, just elevator eyes and sass and so much flirting.

Honorable mention

I debated between two parking garage scenes here... the end of 3x01 and the end of 3x09. Ultimately I'm going with the end of 3x01, because we all know Tim will go above and beyond his job description to help her and protect her, even if he refuses to take credit for it. And this scene really just shows that she's always been worth the effort for him as well.

Season 4

Probably to no one's surprise, it's the hug in 4x09. Hands down. The vulnerability on display here breaks my heart every time. It's the first time we see Tim really, truly allowing himself to fall apart. I will never be over the way he just sinks into her and lets her hold him together. This is my favorite of their hugs, and seeing the tears in Tim's eyes brings tears to my eyes every single time.

Honorable mention

I waffled back and forth for quite a while between the hug in 4x01 and the kiss in 4x22, but ultimately I had to go with the kiss because it's just such a great scene for so many reasons. I mean, THE KISS, obviously. But also, the awkwardness beforehand, and Tim being so adorably proud of himself, and the absolute disaster they both are in the aftermath. Tim's flustered "You know what? I don't have anything," is one of his best lines ever. And don't even get me started on him standing in the hallway as all the feelings slam into him at once. SO. GOOD.

Season 5

Picking right up from that honorable mention, I gotta go with the hand hold/airplane kiss scene from 5x01 as my favorite (and yes, I'm counting that all as one scene because it's continuous even though I'm sure it was filmed separately). From Tim "if your head isn't 100% in the game it'll get you killed" Bradford reaching up to grab her hand in a way that is definitely breaking character to their completely unnecessary (and very hot) airplane bathroom kiss that I have watched on repeat approximately 12984367 times. These two protect and ground each other in a way no one else can, no matter the situation.

Honorable mention

I... don't know. There are so many. I'm honestly so torn between the scenes in 5x19, 5x20, and 5x21 because there's so much emotion. Clearly I have a thing for moments of vulnerability, and we see those in spades here with Tim's shooting, and then the fear after the shoutout in 5x21 and the complex emotions associated with Lucy working undercover. 5x20 and 5x21 especially are really just digging up so much of Tim's trauma and I think it's pretty clear this is something they're both afraid to face head on. That's not really an answer. Can we count that as an answer?

Actually no, now that I've looked through the gifs I have a real answer. It's the end of 5x21. There's something just so human about Tim searching for meaning in what he went through with Isabel. And the way he hugs her with his hand on her neck gets me every time.

[melishade]

does a line of Dark Energon

AoP AU where it's not just Optimus who gets sent to Paradis, it's all his siblings. (yes, Solus & Megatronus are here too, no, the Allspark is still functional) Primus did a big oopsie. Cue sibling drama (Prima dealing with a guilty conscience over his List, but unable to articulate it, Megatronus being sad over stabbing Solus, Maximo being ostracized by his siblings over causing the above & him hiding how he feels with his own dickery) while Eren & Co have 12 new dads & a new mom.

Optimus: "How do 12 Primes not have one emotional braincell among them?' Prima: "I-" Megatronus: "That was your job, little brother. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Marleyan military units to deal with in the Middle East."

This is some of the wackiest shit I've heard...gimme that dark energon.

I actually have brought up with @justawannabearchaeologist and @echoblaze5 lol

But I'm gonna tweek this crack idea for fun.

So Optimus and Megatron still end up in the AOT world like in AOP. However, Primus and Vector monitoring the situation and realizes that not much is changing and see the Rumbling still coming into play.

Primus to his disciples: ...Soooooo.....

Half of them: NO!

(They are not happy with Primus' decision to not let Optimus rest for once!)

The Primes, excluding Vector because he has to watch time unfold, get dropped off in the AOT world. It's a bit awkward to see 11 new titans with crazy appearances and abilities. No one knows what to say, but then:

Nexus: Wanna see what I can do?! Half of the Primes as Nexus falls backwards: No! NO! NO!

Nexus falls apart and splits into his five parts: Hello!

Connie faints in response.

The Primes then immediately spot a flabbergasted Optimus and half of them tackle him into a hug. Happy to see him. Optimus has to explain that they are the original Primes, getting visible reactions out of everyone there. I, of course, won't go into a whole story. This is crack, but I have a few notes:

-Pixis passes out at the sight of Solus.

-Quintus and Hanji immediately become friends, only to have them be separated from each other because of unethical experimentation they've been conducting. Hanji gave Quintus too many notes on Titans.

-Everyone, and I mean everyone, has issues with Alpha Trion and how he completely fucked over both Optimus and Megatron. Megatron is surprised that some of the Survey Corps are actually defending him against him.

-All the Primes are eyeing Eren with extreme caution because Vector has described him as a coin-toss in regards to future events. He either destroys or saves the world and it terrifies them.

-Megatronus does his best to not be involved. (RID2015 is non-canon and I liked the Aligned Megatronus better). He doesn't want to fight and does his best to refuse to help because he's afraid of making the same mistakes. He's also not happy with Megatron for tarnishing his name once again! He's already sabotaged himself once! C'mon! (That doesn't stop the Survey Corps from trying to talk to him)

-All the Primes want Megatron dead, especially Liege, because apparently Megatron was the one who graverobbed him and stole his arm.

Liege pulling out his dagger: An arm for an arm, fragger!

Megatron: You weren't even using it!

Liege: THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS!

Megatron gets stabbed a lot.

-Amalgamous scares everyone with how much he shapeshifts.

-The Survey Corps see how often the Primes argue and feel bad for Optimus. He's just the youngest sibling in a sea full of idiots that share only one braincell.

-Sasha enjoys Onyx Prime greatly.

Long story short, Marley is screwed. They can't counter divine intervention.

[lizard-shifter-noms]

Still Subject to Change Chapter 5 (NEW)

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Hello everyone! i decided to repost arc 1 of SSTC

(the chapters were way too long and had a bunch of typos but hopefully this will make reading easier)

this Story contains Vore, Dont like dont read.

if there are still any grammatical errors i’m sorry.

——————————————————————————

As soon as I was in a stable sitting position Robin tried to climb on my leg only to be stopped by Rikaad who had grabbed his scruff.

“Don't randomly climb people, that's rude!”

Rikaad seemed to be an alright guy even if I did not know what to make of him. 

On one hand he seemed not afraid to call just about anyone off should they do something wrong.

On the other hand, I couldn't really make sense of him.

I now knew that Robin liked me enough to not want me dead, and I realized that that was the first time in forever that someone had actually stood up for me which never happened before and felt weirdly fuzzy inside at that.

Arthur however definitely wanted me dead judging by the look in his eyes.

But I could not for the life of me figure out what Rikaad was thinking of me and it made me kind of nervous.

But before I could further dwell on it Arthur had walked over and went to face Rikaad whispering something to him I could barely hear.

“What are you doing? We are supposed to get rid of this thing! Have you forgotten? He kidnapped Robin for fucks sake! And now you just let him free? We are supposed to get rid of the Fae folk as per the king's orders!”

Wow i never thought someone could be this hateful to someone they didn't even know but apparently i was wrong, I just hoped that the others did not listen to him.

“Arthur i can understand that you are angry about this entire situation but i have to inform you that we are not in Kamerasca right now, so technically the laws don't apply here, and we can't do anything without provocation”

He stepped closer to Arthur gripping his lower arm gently.

“Just behave? it's going to be okay we can just ignore the Fae and go home, i'm certain he's not gonna go to Kamerasca ever again seeing as he'd be killed on sight if he got to close”

Arthur squirmed a bit in his grip and finally conceded.

“fine but only because he did not laugh at Robins spider thing and helped instead”

Speaking of Robin now that Rikaad’s attention was on Arthur he had resumed climbing my leg and was sitting on my knee now.

Looking at me he just pointed at them and shrugged.

“Arthur is still pissed about the whole thing but i promise he's not evil just very grumpy and unfriendly”

His attempt at reassuring me wasn't really working as Arthur kept looking at me like he wanted to jab my eyes out.

“Sure”

I really wasn't convinced but so far at least none of them actually hurt me more than a few scratches, not counting the Sedative bolt of course.

As both of the other young men came back over, Robin attempted to slide down my leg but ended up falling down from my knee and I moved on reflex catching him before he hit the ground.

Well this certainly gave me enough adrenaline to stave off the rest of the tranquiliser.

Slowly lowering him the rest of the way to the ground I saw that Arthur had run closer and upon seeing him in my hand had put his fingers onto the hilt of his sword staring at me with wide eyes.

Rikaad however was eerily calm and strolled over to Robin who was climbing off of my Palm and offered his hand to him to help him down

“Arthur do not be rude and put that sword away”

Arthur did so immediately.

It seemed that this Rikaad guy was the leader of the group, or at least Arthur did as he said.

“So now we all can go our separate ways and forget that this week ever happened right?”

Arthur seemed eager to leave which, honestly, I couldn't blame him for.

I had scared him the first time we met and basically kidnapped his friend so it was no wonder he had a disdain for me.

He came up to us and took Robin's arm, dragging him away from me a little.

An emotion I couldn't quite identify bloomed in my chest and I did my best to shove it down.

I would not be sad about Robin leaving! I barely knew him anyway so what would it matter if I was alone again? I was a loner before so I can be a loner again if I have to!

However as they went to leave they seemed to encounter a problem.

“Do any of you know the direction we have to go to get home?”

They all looked at each other confused at Robin's Question, seemingly not having thought about that beforehand.

“So you guys followed me without any plan??”

I couldn't really believe that anyone would be so stupid to follow a Giant of all things into the Silvervale forest which was known for its monsters.

“Well this is your fault! If you hadn't grabbed Robin we wouldn't even be here!

An angry looking Arthur yelled at me.

“My fault?? You're the one that dragged him into a Forest that was already known for being a deathtrap! You didn't have to go after me but you still did!”

I defended myself.

“This is definitely not my fault! You're the one that stole something! And it is my duty as guard to correct anything unjust!”

This guy made me angry, as if Guards ever did anything helpful to people they deem ‘lesser’.

“The only thing I took was a piece of bread because I did not want to starve! And save me the Guard duty stuff.

I know those guys just love beating up the poor people! I saw them kill an old fisherman and then throw his body into a crab container just cuz he told them to fuck off! Your precious Guard can rot in hell for all i care”

Arthur's face went red and warped into a Furious grimace.

“You know what? Fuck you! and Fuck all this! Im going to fuck your mom and give her a child she’ll actually love!”

At these words I felt my anger that already had been simmering a bit boil over again, I had never been insulted like this.

But before I could even move to do anything Rikaad crossed the short distance between them with a few steps and had slapped him across the face, startling me out of my anger.

“You do not take such words into your mouth ever again! If you have to resort to such foul language to win a battle you are absolutely no better than your opponent!”

“But-”

Arthur held his face where he had been slapped with one hand.

“No excuses! such language will not be tolerated, understood?”

“Understood”

Robin had hid behind me while all this transpired and only now dared to peek out again.

“So do we know where to go? Or not?”

He asked meekly, seemingly wanting this interaction to be over already.

Rikaad turned back to him while Arthur took some snow out of a shadowed area under a tree and cooled his face with it while walking a distance away out of sight.

“I'm afraid we don't but i'm sure we'll find a way back, don't worry this time we are three people so that should make it easier”

Seeing him stand next to Robin this close I noticed that he was almost an entire head taller than the Ginger boy.

“Only three? Not four?”

He glanced up at me but I waved him off.

It would be better if he went home, and i could not follow him, i was not allowed anywhere near Kamerasca at all so i'd be better if i just left.

“The patrols would kill me on sight its better i don't come with you”

“But-”

Whatever Robin had wanted to say was interrupted by a scream coming from somewhere behind the trees.

Before I could react Rikaad had already darted past me and Robin to the source of the sound, fingers ready at the hilt of the sword at his side.

“ARTHUR!”

Running after Rikaad and coming to a stop on another clearing i saw Arthur pinned beneath a Manticore, the weird mismatched lion body with scorpion tail and legs was as big as a horse and its stubby feline face was turned into a weird grimace that showed mandibles protruding from its gums, dripping with sickly gray saliva.

Rikaad tried to shoot it with the crossbow not daring to get closer, but the thick chitinous segments of its heinous form made the bolts ricochet off of it.

Not really knowing what to do I tried to remember everything I knew about Manticore but the only thing that came to mind by staring at its shiny carapace was a memory of a cat swiping at a normal scorpion.

I decided that since my brain would not supply anything better, to do just that and hope not to get stung.

So getting closer and avoiding making it sting or maul the trapped form of Arthur underneath it I crouched down, trying to aim for its side to smack it away from Arthur, who had started bleeding out of a wound inflicted by the thing's legs.

Hitting it square in the side as hard as I could and sending it flying against a tree I heard a sick thud and it stopped moving.

Leaving Rikaad to deal with Arthur i went over to the manticore planning on making sure it was dead.

Inspecting the twisted form of the monster I saw it still shallowly breathing.

Not knowing what else to do as weapons were too small for me I broke off a tree branch and Stabbed it through the abdomen between two of the chitinous segments, watching sickly bluish blood lazily flow out of the wound.

I tried my best not to throw up at the awful sight and sick smell.

Tossing the branch aside and turning back to the other two.

Arthur was half lying half sitting on the ground and holding his side which at least had stopped bleeding.

I might not like the guy very much but I still did not wish anyone death.

I was not sure if going over to them would be appreciated so I decided to head back to Robin who we had left behind some trees.

“Robin?”

He popped up from a bush scanning the area as if expecting more monsters.

“Donovan! Is everything okay? What happened? Is Arthur alright?”

Bending down and plucking him out of the bush I told him about what had happened.

“There was a Manticore but its dead now so don't worry, as for Arthur im not sure but Rikaad is with him”

Clinging to my fingers he tried to look between the trees to see where the other two were.

“Can you bring me to them?”

He asked and even if he could walk the short distance himself I brought him over.

Rikaad was bandaging a gash in Arthurs side where the Monster had slashed at him with its legs, Arthur's armor set neatly aside.

Arthur himself seemed to be okay and was complaining about getting bandages, insisting he was fine.

Seeing me come closer with Robin in my hands he paled a little but did not say anything.

“Arthur! Are you okay?”

Robin shouted, trying to climb down on me before I could set him on the ground, so lowering my hand he jumped off, stumbling for a second then running straight for Arthur.

But before he could tackle him in a hug he was stopped by Rikaad who put a hand on the smaller boy.

“Careful! I don't want this to start bleeding again so make sure you’re mindful about that okay?”

Robin nodded enthusiastically and went to sit at Arthurs side.

I debated if I should leave for good now that nobody's attention was on me before Rikaad winked me down to talk.

So, sitting on the ground once more a bit away from the Injured Arthur that was currently being fussed over by a very energetic Robin, I faced Rikaad not really knowing why he had wanted to speak to me again.

“I want to apologize for shooting you with the tranquiliser crossbow and also thank you for saving Arthur, even if he insulted you you still stepped up to help when i could not get close to the manticore so thank you for saving my friend”

Well this was not what i had expected but i guess it was appreciated.

“Uh well dying to one of those beasts would suck wouldn't it?”

I stammered out a bit dumbfounded, he had apologized for shooting me AND thanked me for helping Arthur, who was now trying to shove Robin off of himself.

But I still couldn't really place the guy, he was a bit unnerving regardless.

“I do have to ask though if you know the way back to Kamerasca as it seems none of us can remember the way”

I really wished I could answer that but as I had been intending on leaving the place so I didn't memorize the way I had taken.

“No idea sorry, but i've been just walking towards the mountains so maybe if you walk away from them you'll end up back in Kamerasca?”

He shook his head slowly.

“That's going to be dangerous if we don't know where we are going and i'm not sure if just walking away from the mountains won't lead us into even more dangerous areas”

“So what do you plan to do then?”

I asked him and he seemed to try and think of something.

“Would you help us? I know you have no reason to go back to a place that doesn't like you but i fear that these woods are not made for some small humans”

I knew doing this would be risky as it meant that I had to get close to Kamerasca again, but at the same time this was kind of my fault and i didn't think I could leave them to the forest’s whim at this point.

“I'll bring you close to it, but if i see any buildings i'm out”

This seemed like a reasonable solution so I would not have to be anywhere near Tunstead ever again.

Rikaad nodded at me curtly.

“Thank you, now let's get the other two”

He turned on the spot and walked back to Robin and Arthur.

What a weird guy I thought but brushed it off for now maybe he just had a strict parent or something.

Walking over to where the other two still sat on the ground I looked back at the mountain.

Well i could still go there at a later point if i wanted.

Robin perked up when he saw us come back, Arthur however looked mildly annoyed at the fact that he now had at least two flower crowns on his head made from dandelions.

“The weird plant juice is making my hair sticky”

He complained at Robin who just laughed and stuck his tongue out at him.

Arthur then turned to face Rikaad.

“So what do we do now? Which way do we need to take to go home?”

Rikaad pointed at me.

“He said we had to go away from the mountain to get back but i'm not sure if we won't end up in even more danger this way, so i asked him to tag a long for a bit”

A huge smile appeared on Robin's face while Arthur clenched his jaw but didn't object to it even if he still looked at me with a death glare.

“As long as we get home i guess”

He slowly stood up mindful about his injury.

Robin walked up to him offering a hand.

“I'm fine just a small cut”

That did not look like a ‘small cut’ i thought, but it didn't look all that bad either.

“So what direction do we need to go now?”

Arthur seemed still a bit uneasy about the entire manticore thing, eyes occasionally glancing at the corpse.

“Away from the mountains, we have been walking towards them the entire time, so if we walk with them at our backs we should find home in no time”

Motioning for all of us to follow he started walking Arthur stumbled after him and Robin jumped up to go after them.

Lagging behind a few seconds I also started walking with them.

I soon realized that this was Slow, maybe not for a human but I was a Giant now which meant I had way longer legs than them.

Having to stop all the time to not just step over them was rather annoying.

Robin seemed to notice and motioned to talk to all of us.

“We are not as fast as you, Maybe it would be faster if you pick us up?”

At this proposal Arthur paled once again and even Rikaad seemed a bit uneasy.

“I don't think i want to do that, honestly i’d rather not aggravate the cut on my side by being grabbed so let's not?”

He seemed nervous and I could understand that, After all, our first encounter did not go well.

Robin however immediately walked up to me and put his arms over his head in what I could only link to a child asking to be picked up.

I decided that grabbing was off the table as I was pretty sure if I did that Arthur would stab me, so instead I put my hand on the Ground for Robin to climb on.

He did so with no hesitation sitting down in my palm while Arthur glared at me and Rikaad just watched with those unnerving eyes of his.

I could just not tell what he was thinking, which at the moment was scarier than any monsters to me.

Standing up again we resumed walking, still at a stupidly slow pace to me but forward nonetheless.

Carefully cupping my hands to my chest and slowly dragging my feet over the floor I went after the two that had decided to walk themselves.

It was really boring to slowly drag myself after them, and also awkwardly silent.

It took a good hour until someone said something again.

“I think we should look for a camping spot before it gets dark”

Rikaad was the one to break the silence, and looking up I did indeed see that the sun was way lower than before.

I wondered how long I was out cold from the tranquiliser as it was not even midday when I got shot with it.

“How long was I out for? That Tranquiliser must be one hell of a drug to put me out for hours”

Rikaad was once again the one to talk

“About four hours but i might be off”

Four hours huh, well that was a good chunk of the day wasted just lying on the forest floor.

Speaking of the forest floor, it seemed we had to make some room between trees as we could not find any more open areas.

Setting Robin down and shoving an uprooted tree away, I sat down while the smaller Humans gathered firewood.

Looking up at the sky and watching it change color till they managed to get a fire going.

I flinched when I heard the crossbow go off again but I wasn't the one that got shot, I realized quickly as a dead bird fell on top of me.

“What the fuck”

Plucking the carcass from my shoulder and holding it into the fading sunlight I saw that it was a white bird with grayish mottled wings.

Looking down I saw Robin trying not to laugh and Rikaad looking still as stone faced as ever, Arthur looked at me with shock probably expecting me to do something bad.

Chucking the dead Bird at Rikaad who expertly catched it, I leaned against a tree which creaked a bit under my weight.

I'd be insulted by this if I wasn't a giant now.

“You're a good shot but please don't drop dead birds on me”

Something that I thought was the smallest hint of a smile appeared on his lips but as soon as I saw it it was gone again.

“I will try my best”

He handed the carcass over to Robin who set about preparing the bird by plucking out all feathers and carving the guts out.

All three of them looked tired but I was still wide awake, probably because I spent four hours unconscious in the middle of the day.

I wondered if i could sleep tonight at all or if my sleep schedule was fucked now.

Deciding not to worry about it now I instead watched what the smaller men were up to.

Robin was cooking the bird Rikaad had shot, Rikaad himself was fiddling with the crossbow, apparently fine tuning it.

Arthur was using a whetstone to sharpen his blade, the rhythmic shrrrap shrrrap providing a constant background noise.

He occasionally glanced up at me but when he saw that I was looking at him he turned his head down again very fast.

The smell of the cooking Bird was delicious but I still did not feel hungry.

I decided that since the bird was too small to be of any use to me that I would not ask for a piece of it.

Instead I looked at the cursed Bracelet a bit more.

It was a grayish pale metal but not iron as iron would sometimes give me a rash when I was exposed to it too long.

Silver maybe? But silver did not conduct magic as far as I was aware.

So whatever the pale metal part was it could not be either of those.

The other parts however seemed to be made of Bronze and gold with the Bronze forming a sort of swirling pattern.

It had various green gems inlaid, none of which I recognized.

“What are you looking at?”

The Question put me out of my trance and I looked down to see who had asked me that.

Robin was staring up at me holding what appeared to be a cooked bird leg and a piece of its wing.

“I'm just inspecting this Cursed thing, don't worry i'm not gonna mess with it”

I tapped the Bracelet to show what I meant before putting my arm down again.

“Aha”

He looked at the meat in his hands and then back at me.

“Id share with you if you want”

While it was nice of him to offer i knew that it was not enough for me even if he had offered me the entire bird, so i winked him off.

“Keep it, that's not enough for me anyway so no need for me to take yours”

“If you're sure”

He sat down on the Ground where he was and started biting chunks of flesh out of the leg.

I noticed that both Rikaad and Arthur were also staring at me.

Did they expect me to do something? I knew that Robin hadn't told them about me being able to eat people, but it still seemed like they were waiting for me to attempt to do so.

Well given the amount of horror stories about Giants and all sorts of big creatures it was no surprise.

It still stung a little but I guessed that there was no way for me to prove that I wasn't a monster.

I just hoped that we found our way back to Kamerasca so I could leave and deal with this stupid curse somehow.

I just hoped I did not have to cut off my own arm to do so.

I heard someone shuffling around near me and looking down I saw that Rikaad had stood up.

“We should sleep. Who is volunteering for the first shift of the night watch?”

Rikaad looked at all of us equally as he asked and I decided that since I had a good four hours of tranquiliser induced sleep already that I would volunteer for the first one.

PREVIOUS / NEXT / OVERSIGHT

[genericpuff]

always wanted to make one of those 'day in the life' posts so here u go!

TW/CW: Tattoo needles, mild blood/mentioning of blood

ima be honest with you, sometimes those 'day in the life' reels on tiktok n junk annoy the piss out of me because they seem so disingenuous, but that's honest to god probably just my executive dysfunction being salty because there's no way in HELL i'm gonna be on some 'grind' where i'm getting up at 6 am to make smoothies and do a workout before i have to go to actual work, i can't with that and i struggle to fathom anyone else doing that consistently LMAO (but i know there are and y'all are a different breed, i wouldn't be able to do it LOL)

like i literally get up anywhere between 30-10 minutes before i gotta catch the bus to go to work-

(understand that i can only get away with doing this because the bus stop is LITERALLY RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE LMAOOO i could also just as easily walk , work is about 15-20 minutes away, but like... i don't wanna when i could just sleep in for another 15-20 minutes LOL)

most of my mornings consist of battling with myself to get out of bed until the last possible minute and then hoping the bus isn't early so i don't miss it on account of my own executive dysfunction, paired with timmy's because i'm a canadian hoser, buds.

i'm actually pretty hyped though for that apartment move at the start of april because as soon as we've moved, we'll be even CLOSER to my work to the point i won't even have to catch the bus anymore, you can literally see the new place out my work window. watch me find ways to still be late for work LMAO

anyways. i got off kinda easy today because NORMALLY i have to get up earlier as most of the time my appointments start at 1 PM, but I only had one appointment today and we had booked it for 3 so I got to sleep in a bit longer <3 This was the design I had made up for them (a sternum piece):

but then it turned out i had completely neglected the one change they wanted, which was to make the middle flower a lotus flower. thank god for my ipad, having the ability to change up designs on the go was half the reason I bought it ~

easy fix uwu

as for the setup, my tattoo setup is pretty simple, the machine isn't actually ready to go yet but i usually set that up after the stencil is applied to give the stencil time to sit and dry (and i don't like having nothing to do while i wait):

(the actual machine once it's wrapped):

it was a full kitchen in the shop today meaning me, my boss, and my two other coworkers who work in the open area were all working and having a good time. one of my other coworkers wasn't in today but they work in a separate private room so the main area itself was full. sometimes i'll come in and i can tell who was in first based on what's playing on the TV. if it's documentaries or reruns of old comedy shows (like the Office) I know it's my boss, if it's reality TV then I know it's L, and if it's music from Spotify then it's usually my other coworker S.

It was S today :' )

here's the actual stencil on the skin! my client is an old pal who i've tattooed a couple times and was thankfully okay with me taking pics and posting these ~ (haha, no female presenting nipples here, tumblr!)

as you can probably see I had to take a marker to the tail and redraw it so it would go around the belly button, originally the stencil went right thru it and wouldn't have looked good

but guess what? didn't matter anyways because the fucking stencil wouLDN'T FUCKING STICK. like, as soon as I started working on it, I realized it was gonna be one of those stencils, the kind that wipe away INSTANTLY. I think it was a combination of just the placement (backs and sternums don't tend to hold as well) as well as her skin type (not all skin types hold onto stencils and ink equally) and the fact that it was hotter in the shop than it usually is which amounted to a bit of sweat (esp in the belly area where things tend to be a lot warmer) which resulted in the stencil not holding in the slightest. y'all it was STRESSFUL and even after I tried to re-apply the stencil again as best as I could (with the tattoo already in progress and the old stencil pretty much gone) it STILL wouldn't hold, so I essentially had to bloodline the whole thing (i.e. line it in so lightly and quickly just to get SOMETHING visible in there after the stencil disappeared. half the lines weren't even genuine lines, just the tiniest faintest impressions that mostly consisted of blood, but still better than nothing).

eventually my coworkers had all clocked out for the day so i was the last one standing, meaning I got control over the Spotify >:D

(and played pretty much the exact same music my coworker would have because we have the exact same tastes in music lmao)

so this is where i had to re-stencil because the original stencil i had put on was wiping away like crazy, but then the second stencil ended up being just as shitty. like you can see where i had to put the lines in 'good enough' near the top because even the shoddy stencil redo was GONE as i was working on it, and it created this sort of cyclical problem where i couldn't just not wipe while i worked because that would result in there being ink anywhere so i couldn't see what i was doing... but then i would wipe to clean it up and poof stencil gone. it was a nightmare and stressed me out but big thanks to my client for understanding and trusting the process <3

because even tattoos are allowed to have an ugly stage before they look good ~

all in all i'm pretty happy with how it came out in the end, the process definitely didn't go as smoothly as i had initially hoped and i would have liked to spend more time on the actual lining process in the beginning, but i had to rush that shit. thankfully as soon as that foundation was laid, it gave me time to just go in and tighten up those lines, a lot of this ended up being freehand compared to what i had planned on doing :' )

(the best part is this client has two lil' dermals just an inch or so above the tattoo that the snake's face and tongue line up perfectly with, it's adorable haha)

either way, that was my day at the shop, i was the last one there so it was on me to settle the debit/credit machine, set the alarms and have everything ready for another day tomorrow!

very appropriate music for the last track of the day lmao and our shop pet, Smaug, poked his head out to say hello!

for the most part, a good day! aside from that stupid stencil giving me a hard time, it was still pretty chill, came out to be a 3 hour day, I showed up around 2:30, my appointment started at 3 and we were all done by 5:30, left just in time to go pick up some sushi takeout and catch the next bus home <3

(have I ever shown my face on my Tumblr before??? if not, here's me!)

My job's pretty cool. Still have to deal with a lot of "typical bullshit" esp when it comes to communicating with clients and setting up appointments as well as tattoo-unique bullshit like dealing with squirmers or crappy stencils or not being able to have a social life without people pestering me for free work, but it's the best job I could ever ask for especially in this particular location. The husband and wife duo who run the place are super sweet but have their shit together well, they run a tight ship and it means I don't have anything to worry about besides setting up my appointments and tattooing. It took a lot of fighting over the course of years to finally end up in a comfortable place, and many times I almost gave up, but it was worth it because now I'm in a great place that pays well and I get to do what I love.

But I'm still pretty eager to get home most days lol So I grabbed my sushi, caught the bus, and made it home.

It was about 6:25 when I landed and because of Daylight Savings, it's still very light out. It does so much for my mental health to leave work and have it still be sunny, the ✨ seasonal depression ✨ is gone and all I have to worry about now is ✨ regular depression ✨ And it's gonna be even better once we move to the new place because it's on a ground floor and has windows aplenty, loads of natural light (compared to the gross basement we live in rn).

But until then, this is what I come home to (～￣▽￣)～

I will now spend the next 6-8 hours playing FF XIV, watching my shows, and working on Rekindled and Time Gate, pretty much all at the same time or at least jumping between. Usually I'll have something playing on rerun on the TV in the background (so something I don't have to pay attention to, like reruns of the Office or Bob's Burgers or w/e I'm feeling that day) and then I'll be listening to music in my headphones or - if I want to engage with something that isn't a rerun - I'll put on a Youtube video that's easy to listen to and absorb without having to look directly at. Sometimes it's speedrun documentaries, sometimes it's GameGrumps compilations, just depends on what I'm feeling and what shows up in my recommended that day LOL Yes , it might seem 'pointless' to have a show playing in the background while also listening to music, but it's sorta just there as a presence and idk, it brings my ADHD brain comfort lol

If you don't believe me that this is the level of multitasking that I'm at, the other day I made a call to Nintendo Support to help my husband get back into his account and I did it while running dungeons in FF XIV, yaaaaay ADHD! My brain needs constant stimulation to function! ╰（‵□′）╯

(and yes, I'm usually joined by Psuwis - it's Maliseet for 'cat' - who's very needy for my attention as soon as I get home lol)

This is how I spend most of my evenings, and even entire days if I'm not in the shop (and my schedule's pretty flexible, sometimes I'm at the shop 5 days a week, other times I might only work 2 or 3 days, it just depends on how busy my bookings are). My husband is actually probably just getting off work rn so he'll likely be home by the time I'm wrapping up this post lmao

Supper!

I actually worked on Rekindled pretty much all day yesterday, so now the episode's almost done already, it's coming along nicely! I'm hoping to have it done tonight or tomorrow so that I can have it ready for Saturday when I'm away on my trip (and maybe get a headstart on Ep 12 so that we can have a new episode next weekend as well during my apartment move!)

Anyone in my follows play FF XIV? Currently working on my Astrologian, it's pretty fun! You can find me (Pym Thras'rala) in Hyperion if you ever wanna party up sometime!

That's pretty much it! Not really anything super crazy or exciting to show, my life's pretty routine and that's how I like it. A lot of my social life is online nowadays but I do make time to go out and hang out with IRL pals as well. If this were done on a Friday most of what I'd be doing is hanging out down at the bar with pals LMAO

So yeah! hope you enjoyed this lil' self-indulgent "talk about myself for 20 minutes" post （￣︶￣）↗　If anything I hope it offers some kind of solidarity to the other pals out there who need 27390572309 forms of stimulation to get through the day LMAO

(also not recommending anyone live the way i do, my back hurts, my sleep schedule is fucked and my brain is fried（*゜ー゜*）let's all hold each other accountable and remember to check our postures, stand up and stretch every hour, and stay hydrated <3 ).

[egg-emperor]

[Hefty sigh]

How does one get into sonic prime, I mean I adore where they're going for the story but I'm still struggling to get through s1 because the voice are just not clicking with me. Don't get me wrong here props to the Canadian VA's and the crew as a whole but the fact that I don't really vibe well with the chaos council as a concept [since they aren't really as menacing as the actual egg but I get what they're going for..... kinda.... ] This is like the one sonic media I can't personally click into, and I honest to God adored Underground/Boom so it's probably just a me-squick....

I have literally been a sonic fan since birth reading the comics so it's just tonal whiplash trying to get used to it- I'm lost in my own confusion that they already produced 3 seasons @_@;;; I just feel like I'm alone in feeling this or something idk I'm just merely screaming into the sonic-fandom wondering if anyone else felt this way hsbshbsshv ////

I'm just as clueless as you on that unfortunately lol. Respectfully I'm not a fan personally, I think the ideas had potential to be interesting if done right but I just don't find the execution appealing. I hate to say it and don't wanna be overly negative but I was honestly bored watching the first eight episodes, they were hard to get through and it was a bit of a letdown for me.

It feels underwhelming and repetitive because practically the same cycle of events happens each episode and it's not very interesting at that. I haven't watched any episodes past those, I watched nothing but the Eggman prismatic titan thing in the last batch and don't plan on watching the rest. I just decided it wasn't for me, not what I'm looking for in a Sonic show.

I'm sad I didn't end up liking it after being interested in where they could take it, especially with how much potential I feel New Yoke City had because it was conceptually right up my alley but execution is just not to my tastes and I've accepted it. I shouldn't be surprised as I'm not into most of the non game media ^^; I was just hoping for a modern show like X again

If they had more regular Eggman they could've changed my opinion a lot not gonna lie because the small 5 mins of him was great. Characterization was good, he was funny, his model and animation were gorgeous, voice was okayyy just needed some improvements, and I was interested in what he would've done with the prism had Sonic not shattered it and erased him from existence. When he practically died my interest went along with it sorry dhfjsbfksbfks

The Chaos Council just don't interest me personally because each are missing all the parts of Eggman combined that make him his lovable whole to me. And when you just want the real deal to still have his place like he seemed he was going to initially in the concept art, only for him to not be there at all, it's hard to get into it when you're thinking about what could've been. Also yeah they're just not menacing and don't bring the same exciting world shattering chaos and action the real deal does

And oh no they're really still only on the first season, eight episodes isn't a season. Netflix is just being weird about how they have it realized in batches and how it separates them but no way is eight episodes a whole season. They only had the first season made and released with huge gaps but maybe they'll order for a second one to be made.

But yeah you're not alone. It's very popular and I'm glad people can enjoy it but yeah it didn't click with me either and I can relate on feeling like the odd one out. But that makes two of us! and I do know others who just don't like it either and I don't think we should feel a pressure to try to get into it, if we don't like it and it's just not for us then it's fine

[linagram]

>:D Now you have to tell me what songs you'd assign to Eiji and Miki!

OKAY OKAY so i actually did have some t2 covers for them in mind, but i don't think they're gonna get a new profile this time because uhhh, i feel like "the end of the first trial" and the pre-t2 vds show their personality changes well and also if i tried to describe their t2 personalities more, it would be like "but you will see that in one of the future vds!" or "but i can't say much about it because spoilers!", like sure, i have to keep a lot of info about my prisoners secret too, but when it's the guards who are like, literally the protagonists, it's very hard to hide everything. and i didn't want to make a whole new profile just so for their covers (and possible voicelines) soooo yeah i'll talk about them here! also i was too lazy to draw their t2 versions.

Milgram covers.

Eiji: Yeah, he gets Bring It On this time. I had to do it to him. I also thought of giving him Harrow, but let's be honest here, I like to joke about Eiji and Kotoko's similarities, since both of them are so passionate about justice and both of them punish the guilty prisoners, but.. That's where their similarities end. Also, I don't know much about Kotoko, I'm not like, her biggest fan here (though I don't dislike/hate her), so I can't say much about her, but I feel like Eiji is more.. uh.. Basically, sure, he wants to punish all criminals and he wants to see them in pain, but it's not because he wants to make this world better or anything. He's just really obsessed with revenge and he wants to feel in control for once. Honestly, it's actually kinda scary to think about, because like.. What if Eiji went "You know what, maybe I shouldn't focus only on criminals AND I SHOULD JUST HURT EVERYONE". I feel like it really could happen if after T1 there were more guilty prisoners and not the innocent ones. Also I just think his Bring It On cover would sound really cool and that last scene with Fuuta looking anxious and staring at his phone and realizing what he had done?? LITERALLY T2 EIJI SEEING EVERYONE'S VERDICTS AND DOUBTING HIMSELF.

Miki: She gets Triage! I feel like her cover would sound really soft and pretty :) The lyrics sound a lot like her T2 version: yes, she's still blaming herself for Asahi running away from home and not protecting him enough and she also wants to help the guilty prisoners, but also now she knows how much influence she has over everyone here. She can save them. She can save both innocent and guilty prisoners. So please, give her another chance. Yes, she thinks she's worse than all the prisoners here and she thinks she's the worst older sister ever, but also, she's one of the guards. Most prisoners like her and Eiji is willing to listen to her. She's indispensable.

DECO*27 covers.

Okay, this one was hard because to be honest, I was just kinda planning to make them follow in Es's footsteps and cover Hibana together dkdksdlsl. But I tried my best to assign them separate covers.

Eiji: Hmm, I don't think it sounds like something he would sing because I imagine Eiji usually covering more "loud" songs, but I decided to go with At! Now, again, as with pretty much all DECO*27 songs, this one is about a romantic relationship, but hear me out. Like, look at the lyrics. "The day after you die, I wonder what I would eat", "If I voiced it out, you would have gotten mad at me, so I'm keeping that in my head", "Why is it when I'm certain of it, I end up wanting to cry alone".. Or how about "The day after I die, I wonder who you'll rely on"? Or "And I'm surprised, you've been having the same thoughts as me"?? OR "UNTIL THE FAR, FAR FUTURE, LET'S KEEP HURTING EACH OTHER"?? OR "BECAUSE UNTIL WE GET TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU"?? OR "HITTING AND SHARING THIS EXPERIENCE TOGETHER BECAUSE WE'RE WRONG, WE'RE SHINING MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE NOW, RIGHT??? Yeah, I think you know who I'm talking about. I was so shocked when I read the lyrics because?? THIS IS LITERALLY KEI AND EIJI'S RELATIONSHIP?? Like, even lyrics like "So as we feel troubled, let's tell each other "I love you"" sound a lot like them because GOD THEIR DYNAMIC IS INSANE. Eiji constantly reminding Miki how much he hates Kei for everything he did to Eiji and having understandable reasons for wanting to kill him, but instantly going "protective older brother (who is actually younger)" mode when he sees Kei suffering?? Like seriously, if he could kill Kei, he would. But he didn't. Kei is injured, but still alive. Why did Eiji hold back? Is it because he's still scared of him? Is it because he's so used to Kei's abuse that it feels weird to do the same thing to his older brother? Is it because in a very twisted and also sad way, it's too hard for him to let Kei go and he actually loves him?

Miki: I decided to go with Find the Light! (Both songs are also from the same album, so yay, they match!) The lyrics sound so much like her T2 version and they actually sound a bit scary in this context: "The light slowly vanishes here in this dark world" (her talking about Milgram in general and how there's three guilty prisoners now and the prisoners' relationships are starting to become more toxic and even her relationship with Eiji is a bit different now), "Loving yesterday but hating tomorrow" (She actually gets to hang out with some prisoners sometimes and she ends up having fun, but then she remembers about Trial 2 and Trial 3.. and yeah, those thoughts scare her), "Only a monochrome black and white is reflected in my eyes" (The whole "Innocent or Guilty" thing), "Pushing back the needle of hopes with a finger" (She really is the guilty prisoners' only hope right now and the innocent prisoners also have to ask her for help too).. Some of them are kinda wholesome though, like "So that even if this voice breaks, cry out with a voice that reaches out to recolor the darkness" or "The smiles that I want to protect are right here".. Miki is such an interesting character to me, because at the same time she's a very naive girl who genuinely wants to help others, but also, just like Eiji, she really wants to be in control. Not for the sake of revenge though, but for the sake of stability. She just wants everything to be peaceful for once. And if anyone tries to disturb the peace, well, here's another reminder that she's still one of the guards.

Non-DECO*27 covers:

Again, I wanted to give them one song as a duet and that song is Punishment Game by Kururingo! Like it describes their T2 dynamic so well, or at least that's how Eiji sees their relationship now. Miki is mostly chill about it, but Eiji is slowly starting to see her as a rival. Some moments are so fun to imagine with them too, like "You're wearing that docile expression just to hide your own nervousness, am I right?", "You look like you're enjoying yourself", "You’re trying to keep up that quiet personality, but it’s falling to pieces, I can see it on your face", "No way, could it be that I was the one struggling uselessly this whole time?" and especially "Punishment game, but I'm not laughing, the person on the other end of the strings that move this world, who is it?"/"Hmm, I wonder who it is..".

But if I had to give them separate covers..

Eiji: Hitori Yurari by Kanaria and Maretu! Again, IT'S BECAUSE OF HIS DYNAMIC WITH KEI. IT'S A BIG PART OF HIS CHARACTER PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME. (Or maybe I'm just in that mood because Kei's profile is next and I'm. I'm looking away from his VD. His album trailer voiceline is also such a huge spoiler actually.) But honestly, I'd just love to hear his cover and I think it would sound so cool! The lyrics describe his and Kei's dynamic well too, like Eiji constantly repeating "There's still just no love at all" and also some hints about Kei's past are also there ("You're reeling alone, reeling alone in your dreams, you cried under the shade of a tree in an empty corner") and also lyrics like "Complaining about this and that, you looked down on me, "I love you!", "I hate you!", such an absurd character" and "The way things have gone, I'd prefer it if you'd fall down into hell" AND THE SONG ENDING WITH "I CRIED UNDER THE SHADE OF A TREE IN AN EMPTY CORNER" AND "I WANT TO LIVE WAY LONGER THAN YOU"?? YEAH.

Miki: This one is probably a bit sudden, but.. I decided to go with And Then You Became The Moon by Kikuo. I JUST HAD TO GO WITH A KIKUO SONG FOR HER THIS TIME IDK WHY LIKE I FELT LIKE I HAVE TO DO IT. Now, why this song in particular? Well, this is a cute song about two children playing in the snow and then both of them dying in a blizzard and becoming the Moon and the Star. So, uh.. Miki and Asahi <3 LIKE. THIS SONG SOUNDS SO CUTE AND SO SOFT BUT MIKI SINGING IT MAKES ME SO SAD. She literally thought her little brother died and she blamed herself for it 😭 Honestly, I feel like this song would sound cute as their duet too. I think Andou siblings' voices would sound very soft together. And also the lyrics like "At the very bottom they are together forever" are making me go :') because.. yeah.. It literally took both of them becoming a guard and a prisoner to finally reunite.. So yes, both guards get songs about their siblings this time!

[andiwriteordie]

First off, I wanna say I adore your take here. Killing Steve at this point would be dumb, and I am love loving your take on him realizing what he was looking for is familial love and comfort like el (!!!!!!!!!) cuz honestly steve in any kind of relationship at this point does not work for me whatsoever

though i do have a question, what do you mean by he's bones coded? context clues can tell me you think that means he's going to die, esp considering his original fate in s1, but which character are you comparing him to? (I'm assuming bones is a character)

hi hello!!!!! i just saw you replied back to my post about rambling about steve and i got so excited because i have too many thoughts lol. so i'll answer this out of order, then jump into my thoughts on it.

i wasn't referring to any characters here, just using that same phrase i think i saw either from who i rb'd from or from the og post! :) just i think there are a lot of arguments for why steve could die, and tbh i REALLY thought we were gonna lose him in s4, so i can definitely see why people think steve is like a for sure going to die in s5. i've seen a lot of people discuss it on here, just because of things such as the st*ncy relationship, how his relationship with dustin was a little sidelined this season, and how his arc is "complete" in a sense.

and i mean with this with so much love in my heart because to me, fandom is so much fun and the best part of it is that we're all allowed to have different thoughts/opinions/interpretations (with the caveat that these opinions shouldn't be harmful to people or people groups) of the media, but i STRONGLY disagree. and here's why.

i was thinking this morning about how interesting of a character steve harrington is when we meet him. he's the stereotypical jock, cool boyfriend for nancy's girl next door kind of trope. he's wealthy and popular and well-loved. on the surface, steve has everything you could want, right? outsider looking in sees a kid well taken care of (familial love), with lots of friends (platonic love), and a beautiful girlfriend (romantic love).

but that's just not the case. because we also learn that steve's parents don't really give a shit about him, and they're never around. we see that his popularity is surface level—that tommy and carol don't actually care about steve as a person and are just kind of existing, because they too are miserable in the overarching hawkins/small town sort of ideal. but then you have nancy wheeler, is is unabashedly herself, who went through basically hell to try and find her best friend, and who essentially kicked steve's ass into shape and showed him... hey, maybe i can be better. (which steve himself tells nancy in s4)

so i think personally, steve has projected his need for love and also the gratitude he feels from being afforded the opportunity and realization to change onto his romantic relationships—particularly his relationship with nancy.

let's rewind for a moment and talk about the other major love triangle in stranger things.

now, by no means whatsoever am i trying to say el and steve's backgrounds are comparable, because while steve does have an implied difficult relationship with his parents, this obviously can't compare to the abuse el endured. they are two characters with separate backgrounds, personalities, and story arcs, and i love them both so much for all those differences. but narrowing it down to how both steve and el are members of a love triangle with a wheeler and a byers kid, and how i believe both steve and el will end up as the member of the love triangle who remains single, i think there's something to be said here about the way parts of their arcs parallel each other.

with el's case, unlike steve, we're never given the facade that she's happy and should be happy. nope, we're introduced to her from the get go as someone who is lacking love of any kind in her life—so much so that she doesn't even know what a friend is. el has never ever experienced familial, platonic, or romantic love, but then she meets mike (and dustin and lucas). but it's mike she first connects with. mike who first shows her kindness and teaches her friendship. this, then quickly advances to something romantic, and isn't necessarily something el understands. but she "learns" it from her time in hopper's cabin by watching movies and tv shows.

similar to how steve has projected his need for love and also the gratitude he feels from how nancy helped him to change, el has projected her own need for love and gratitude for how mike showed her kindness onto their relationship. they stumble quickly into codependency in s2 and definitely in s3, and we see how that damages both of them by the time we hit s4.

so, we now have two characters who really don't have much in common except for the fact that they began their stories lacking in familial and platonic love (and romantic in el's case as well), found it early on in their story arcs, then proceeded to be 1/2 of what are two arguably toxic couples wherein neither one of the partners of these couples are having their needs met. both couples break up at some point. both then are rekindled, or have begun to be rekindled. both are left a bit open-ended by the time s4 ends.

now, let's talk about the other side of the story: the byers brothers. contrary to steve and to el, we meet jonathan and will, and we fairly quickly learn that they do have a support system. they do have familial love (through their mom and through each other), and in will's case, he also has platonic love through the party. the byers brothers begin in contrast to steve and el, because i think they have a better understanding then in that sense of what's familial vs platonic vs romantic. and because of this, their story arcs don't invlove them elevating this romantic love on a higher level than their platonic and familial relationships.

we see this evidenced in how both jonathan and will step aside and push their feelings away from their wheeler sibling in order to preserve their friendship with them as well as do what is best for nancy and mike. jonathan did it in s2, letting nancy believe that steve asked him to drop her home. will gives up his painting and confession and says el asked him to make it for mike. furthermore, we see that neither of them are trying to advance their relationships with nancy and mike further than a friendship. s2 jonathan actually sort of does the opposite and distances himself from nancy until she initiates, whereas s4 will really just shows us that he wants his best friend back.

two other characters, with similar backgrounds (makes sense, they are brothers) with similar understandings of the different types of loves they've grown up with and experienced, are introduced as a "third" member of two love triangle that are left unresolved by the end of the penultimate season.

so, then, to circle back to how this relates to steve, i say all of this to say: i believe both steve and el's story arcs will end with them having an understanding that their platonic and familial relationships and love they've gained are just as valid and fulfilling as the potential for romantic relationships. the other thing i didn't touch a whole lot on is the fact that throughout steve's arc and throughout el's arc, yes, we do see each of these characters gaining a romantic partner, but more than that? we see them gaining friends and family.

look me in the eye and tell me who's most associated with steve harrington. it's not nancy. it's dustin, or it's robin. steve's biggest character growth comes from how he befriends and mentors dustin and then how he befriends and learns from robin. he even makes the comment about 6 little nuggets and having experience because of the party members? and yeah, that right there tells me that steve's character is being developed and built around his familial/platonic relationships. his two most important relationships established in the show are not romantic.

(similarly, and i won't go into it as much because this post isn't about her, el is strongly associated with her relationships to hopper, the dad she finds who helps her heal from her abuser, and max, her best friend who helps her learn how to be el and pursue her own likes and dislikes. again, two of the most important relationships for this character are not necessarily romantic... though we all know my thoughts on how elmax/elumax should totally become canon lol.)

so, now we come back to s4, and it feels like one step forward two steps back for steve and for el. s4 is a season built on grief. on how to react in the midst of change and distance and separation from the people you love. it's a bit ironic that steve has his speech about crawling forwards/backwards because in trying to bring up and hold onto his flame with nancy, he is essentially taking a step backwards.

steve is still caught in this mindset and a lack of understanding the fact that he can be happy, and he can be whole and valued as a person without a romantic partner. it's something he's shown to want, but also? we see in his s3 interactions with dustin that so much of steve's dating life is motivated by his need to be liked and with someone "cool" (which is why, bless his heart, dustin tries to push steve towards robin). he gets frustrated by his lack of having a partner because he's dating and dating and dating, and it just isn't working—so he falls back into trying to recreate that s1 magical feeling of change and of getting to become a better person, which nancy helped to motivate.

anyways, when i look at steve's story, i just don't think it's done yet. i don't think he's learned that he can be happy on his own, and i think he has learned bits and pieces of this along the way as he's loved and helped dustin, as he and robin have loved and helped each other, and even as he and nancy have loved and helped each other. i don't think it's wrong for steve to want these dreams of a big, happy family that is the opposite of what he received growing up, but i just think that a satisfying end to steve's arc will be him realizing that he doesn't have to rush into that. that good things take time, and god, look how happy he is right now, surrounded by his child friends (who aren't children anymore? holy shit the kids he babysat are now 17-18 years old?) and by the friends his age (because robin duh, but also i am here for steve and nancy becoming friends and putting their romantic relationship in the past, and i am ALSO here for a steve and jonathan reconciliation since that has not been touched since their s1 fight). the found family he's gained throughout his story is enough, and he, like el, i believe is going to represent that form of familial and platonic love in the relationships he's part of.

stranger things is such a good story in that it covers familial relationships, platonic relationships, and romantic relationships, and i'm pretty confident the duffers are going to do both love triangles justice and slot them into their right places. because within both the older teen love triangle and the younger teen love triangle, there is a lot of love to be shared—just a bit of a mismatch as to what type of love goes where.

(also. this is not really part of the serious analysis, but i'm sorry. i think the dumbest, shittiest thing you can do in a show like this is complete a character's story arc and show how they've grown as a character, then just kill them off with no motivating reason. how would steve's death progress the plot forward? and if you're going to say it would give them all a reason to keep fighting, i'm gonna call bs on that because i think there are plenty of other reasons these people have to keep fighting. also their canonical main fighter, el, is not that close with steve. so. next.

i also didn't touch on how steve's death would impact both dustin and robin, and you know what, i'm also gonna be bold and say nancy. you wanna tell me they'd kill two brother figures in dustin's life? you wanna tell me they'd kill one of robin's first friends, the first one she opened up to with a secret she was so scared of telling? you wanna tell me that they'd cause nancy to lose another friend—the same friend who was there with her the night that nancy's upside down related trauma began with the loss of barb? NO. it would be such an injustice to steve's arc and to other characters' arcs, and i will die on that hill.)

[staycalmandhugaclone]

Hey I hope you are well! I saw the fic ask game list you had shared and just wanted to submit an ask for K and L :)

Hey love! I'm doing better than yesterday, but still a little off - this is me trying to break out of a little funk, so thanks for asking!!

That first one, though... oof. mkay, so listen... I am a very damaged individual. Know that before you judge me, because this is about to get dark. (also, it's in-depth so is long)

K: *Big breath* Gonna start with trigger warnings: non-con, dream torture, forced preg termination, psychological torture.

oookie, so this is a super long fic that is actually where my Vacation fics originated. Gonne just highlight the gist - Fem reader is force sensitive and was taken by a sith dude to be used to try to make her father reveal the location of jedi holocrons. That failed, so he tried to make her his apprentice, which also eventually fails, so he he tortures her to try to break her will to fight him, at which point the non-con and forced preg termination occurs. She escapes and crashed onto Ord Mantel where she run into Omega, ends up saving her from some bounty hunters but is wounded even further in the process so ends up being taken off world with the guys (sans Crosshair who is briefly mentioned to have left the Empire but refused to rejoin his brothers after the events of season 1). She and Hunter slowly become a thing, and they run into Crosshair on opposite sides of a retrieval mission, but there's an ice cave in and Cross and the oc end up having a bonding moment before they're rescued, after which, she starts sending him regular messages occasionally with commentary from the others in some effort to include him in his brothers' lives once more. Jump forward several months: that sith captures her and uses force bs to give her dreams where cf99 (sans Cross because he wasn't actively with them when she was captured) tortured her so when she's eventually rescued, she's so traumatized that she can't be in the same room with them without having a panic attack. They'd call Crosshair for help getting her out, and she ends up clinging to him as she recovers, so much so, that when he leaves, she goes with him. There's this super heartbreaking reoccurring hope from Hunter that she'll come back, but, months later, she still can't get within several feet of him without having a panic attack and has to really push the idea that she's not coming back but that it's not his fault, and when, after about a year of traveling together, she and Crosshair become a thing, oooo there's so much angst and confusion. There's a relatively happy ending, but I kinda wrote it in broken chunks, so it's pretty much only half written and will likely never see the light of day, but that's my most angsty idea.

L: The real question is: how many tiny edits do I make after posting... Honestly, this varies significantly. Most chapters don't get revised so much as edited or maybe reworded here and there. I think there have only been one or two where I just didn't like how it was going and ripped my heart out by totally deleted a chunk to start over (that's a lie - I copy it onto a separate word document in case I change my mind). I still go back to old chapters and realize I wrote "spook" instead of "spoke" or, my favorite "fingered" instead of "figured"

Thanks again and sorry it got to long winded!

Fanfic Ask Game

[sevicia]

blondie&glasses with ❤️🍀🧠✏️ / mary with ❤️🧊🌂🎹

OMG YAYYYYY!!! Mary is answered separate from Those Two cause they don't even know each other... she'd be like "why can't they just hold hands or something?"

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

I think I wrote a more descriptive version of it somewhere before cause it's #important but it's pretty much the night she kills her ex-fiancé and absorbs The Creature. Which is extremely vague I just realized... quick rundown: everyone but her wants her to get married -> camping trip with the guy -> go in the dark (forest.) -> "I can make you into an angel (flesh thing) fr" -> sure -> kills him badly. AND THE CROWD (me) GOES WILD

🧊 - Is their current design the first one?

NOOOO but it IS very similar... her 1st design was for something entirely different that involved her being super plain (also the reason her name's Mary)(DVD normal name). Then I just kinda made her messier and creepier.... KYA...... Though I haven't drawn her super creepy just yet u.u

🌂 - What genre do they belong in?

Horror and romance but the second one has a huge NEVER TRY THIS AT HOME asterisk. She shares her story with Agnes and they have cute moments Because I'm Crazy but ultimately it's just not a good healthy relationship at all due to women's wrongs, which I support, slash joking

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

Writinggg x) !! She gets into it after "meeting" Agnes (one-sided meeting. He did NOT fucking know her for a while) since he also writes "as a hobby" (me when I lie) and posts it online. She starts out by completing his unfinished stories or making alternate scenes, and eventually writes short stories of her own.

She also paints but that's also her major at uni so not really a hobby anymore... her paintings Have changed drastically post-creature absorption though x)

I put my other answers under da cut I never stfu #SORRY m(_ _)m

❤️ - What is one of your OC’s best memories?

Blondie: He is one of the most miserable little men to ever live but he does think fondly of his freshman year in highschool due to that being the year he was sure he had an actual friend for the first time ever. He has fond memories of hanging out at the park or the mall with her, talking about nothing in particular. Though he avoids thinking about her because it just hurts him in the end </3

Glasses: He has a very... hedonistic lifestyle to say the least, so it'd be hard for him to single out a moment in particular. His most euphoric moment though, is when he buried a body for the first time and went to school the next morning like nothing happened. Feeling invincible lasted for a bit, but he wouldn't do it again for quite some time.

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

Blondie: Weirdly enough I came up with him after Glasses. Basically I went "who the hell is holding the camera here???"

Glasses: Pipeline moment AUGH here we go. I listened to Ouija by Harley Poe on loop a bunch some time ago and really liked the concept of someone willingly inviting a spirit into their body in order to commit violent acts guilt-free (like first seat autopilot style ykwim). This gave way to an ENTIRELY different story and characters, in which I asked myself "who's even gonna possess this guy!?", and was trying to come up with some distant character that did very bad no good things. Around the same time I was doodling ideas like crazy and liked some stuff for a drawing of what was Basically a snuff scene. That's when I made someone up to hold the camera and when I thought to connect both stories, otherwise neither Glasses nor Blondie would be characters at all. Funnily enough the original Ouija-inspired story is not very developed at all, and I decided to cut it off ESH Diversity Loss (what Glasses and Blondie's folder is called in my drive) completely LOL<///3

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

This is kind of a difficult question to answer cause honestly I don't even like my OCs as people I think some of them just suck really badly. But I do like them as characters and things to write/think about x)

Blondie: I like that he could very easily be Fixed if he just like, had friends that actually liked him. He really didn't get socialized as a puppy now he's dependent on some fucking guy that views him as a limited edition snack and won't let go of him until he HAS to. Oh poor thang</3

Glasses: His hubris. ❤️

✏️ - How often do you draw/write about the OC?

Honestly my OC bouts come and go but I've got a lot more on them than I ever thought I would. Somehow they're the only story I have a rough outline for ??? ending planned out and everything. I don't draw them much though.... which means their designs will Very Likely change a lot by the time I get to do their thingy.

[elvisabutler]

Can we have just dating vampire aus in general headcannons plsplspsl

i mean i suppose since it's labor day weekend here in the states y'all deserve something nice. no, i'm kidding, i got you darling, this is kind of very basic mostly because i haven't thought about it excessively. so, apologies it's not better/more fleshed out, anon. tw: blood drinking, it's about a vampire austin what were you expecting. brief mention of his mom. also brief comment about hurting him and passing out due to blood loss. i think that's all? also thank you for the ask, anon

hands down the most protective creature on the planet. like- basically take normal austin valuing his privacy and times it by 11. paparazzi tries to take a pic, nope they're getting growls or at the very least the lowest tone of voice he can manage. usually scares them off pretty quick.

never actually wanted to drink your blood because he was warned by his sire that once he did that separating the two of you was gonna be pretty damn painful.

still did it anyway because you were really insistent but decided drinking from a bag of your blood was better for him than from the vein. after the events of heart's got teeth, he definitely realized the error of his ways.

lives for going out during the day even if it hurts him a little when he doesn't recharge fully that night. he will swear up and down though that you give him extra energy/strength. you call bullshit.

never uses any of his powers ( super speed, super strength, turning into a bat ) without warning you. the exception is his hearing but he can't really turn that off. swore on his mother's grave that he would never use his power of suggestion/control on you. he has kept that promise.

when you first found out you made twilight jokes for 2 weeks. you also changed his name to lestat in your phone. it has stayed that way. it will always be that way. you still think it's hilarious.

"does this mean i have to stop eating garlic?" "you saw me demolish a bag of garlic knots last week. what do you think?" "that you're like most lactose intolerant people and ate something you'd regret later." "i love you but i'm regretting telling you this now."

you guys have had the conversation about him turning you multiple times. you're still undecided. he respects it.

he watches you sleep when he doesn't at night. specifically he just watches your chest rise and fall to make sure you're still there and breathing and all his.

despite being a vampire his hair grows really fast. after elvis you've kind of banned him from cutting it off again.

he keeps it long purely because you asked.

he rarely interacts with his sire and their coven. it causes friction but they also never wanted him to date you. so, sacrifices had to be made.

once turned into a bat and fell asleep on your chest. it freaked you out you realized he just wanted to be close to your heart. nowadays you let him do it once a week.

always makes sure you eat after he's drank from you or you've given blood for him. you once tried to argue that you felt fine and passed out. he does not take any chances.

he told you to stake him if he ever loses control of himself and made you promise. you're still not 100 percent sure you're ever going to be willing to do it.

[faelapis]

"the owl house" thoughts - s2 finale

i'm just gonna bulletpoint here. starting with things i liked:

obviously, i like that the collector ended up being someone with their own motivations rather than just like a xD quirky ex machina

i like that hunter wasn't able to fight belos, even when it counted. so often you see the """satisfying""" thing where an abuse victim just snaps and decks their abuser in the face without fear. i'm sure hunter is mad deep down... but i like that it's something he's not able to channel, due to other emotions like fear being paramount here. perhaps even lingering love.

in fact, IF hunter stays this way... i, resident hunter disliker, may even grow to like him. i just assumed, TOH being somewhat predictable, he was gonna have the classic arc of realizing he's been lied to and then Beating Up His Abuser. i want him to stay more conflicted. more gentle.

i like that they played into belos as someone who wants to save humanity with more sincerity. that felt very fake and cheap before, it was more substantial here. it was like he almost had a real motivation!! rather than being just an Evil Liar who Lies!!!

as much as i didn't like how refusing to free the collector was another instance of belos being, well, an Evil Liar who Lies, in hindsight, it does make sense. this kids a powerful lil fucker.

i also like that this means we have a "villain" who is not an authoritarian, but an anarchist agent of chaos. wild magic, even. sure, i don't think the collector will really be a villain, more an unpredictable force of nature who may actually just be having a tea party with king right now. but still. duality! nuance! yay!

I LIKE BELOS WEARING HIS HUMAN DRIP FUCK YOU LUZ

also huge fan that the belos goo attached to hunter and came with to the human realm :D i'm sure this means only good things :D ok but unironically i would like a redemption arc ("we need your help to save humanity") that only i will enjoy, while every egg on twitter complains about it being unearned or rushed.

WE GOT A TITLE DROP!!!!! THE COLLECTOR IS CREATING AN OWL HOUSE (TM) THAT MATTERS TO THE STORY?

things i disliked:

the aforementioned "you lied to me!" betrayal between belos and the collector. i feel like every poorly-written villain has to do because they're the villain. they're an asshole to people around them not because it furthers their goals, but just to make sure the audience knows they're an asshole.

same thing with kikimora.

in the collectors case, like i said, not entirely unwarranted... but it does seem like an instance where belos is just big mad that he cant control them. its not like he's doing it for the boiling isles' sake. its just him him him.

wow they really just had belos try to kill everyone (even his followers, some of which he's known for decades, if not centuries!) just to once again show that he's the bad guy.

okay. so. this is a big one - in a show for kids, you know the protagonists will survive. that's not a bad thing! but it does mean you NEED emotional stakes that aren't rooted in whether people will live. and almost everything "emotional" this episode is a fakeout about someone dying.

strongly trying to resist urge to contrast it to SU "change your mind", where steven's entire identity as himself, as someone separate from his mother, hangs in the balance.

raeda suffers the most from this. like 50% of their relationship is already someone lying or tricking the other To Protect Them (tm), which i already don't love... but to ALSO have their main emotional thread in the s2 finale be a fakeout sacrifice is not great. we know raine isn't gonna die, we know eda isn't gonna die. this is a real relationship with emotional complexity, but they can't steer it in any other direction than angsty fake sacrifices.

oh eda got out of the coven system REAL easy. just remove the arm, i guess. that's dumb. i wish she had stuck with it. could've prompted some soul-searching now that the new threat (the collector) is the embodiment of wild, unhinged magic.

other general thoughts:

look. i know belos tentative truce with the heroes is extremely unlikely, but i feel like even people who want him to just be a villain have to be somewhat charmed with the idea of grumpy ghost goo following the gang around, commenting on how stupid their plans are, how he should be the leader, etc.

on that note, luz actually keeping her promise and getting belos some modern human clothes would be sick. girls night shopping trip WHEN????? i wanna see him in yeezys.

i'm all on board with king molting theory. make him big.

bring luz' mama to the demon realm somehow. she seems somewhat disillusioned with her own life, yknow?

while i agree that this was a somewhat messy / overstuffed episode, idk, i think that lends it an advantage in that it can't just wrap everything up with a neat little bow. i think that lack of time might even benefit the show in s3 somewhat, because they might have to keep some things open-ended. which i like :)

aaaand that's all! see you in season 3.

[motivatedtocry]

Obey me! Leviathan x GN! MC

Want Another Kiss?

Just MC trying to give Levi lots of kisses and love. Gets a little spicy at the end, though. 👀

Word Count: 1.8k

᯽ Part Two

| WARNING | Brief NSFW.

Levi was probably the most adorable out of all of the brothers.

At least in your eyes.

You can't say that you liked him from the beginning, though. He was sort of a jackass when you first met. Well, all of the brothers were, simply put. Calling you a normie? You were nothing but a normie!

If only he would've known then.

You shake your head, realizing that you will get nothing from going back to unpleasant memories. Instead, you look up. Leviathan was in his natural state; with his headphones well placed, sitting comfortably in his chair playing videogames on his computer. You, on the other hand, were sitting on the ground not too far behind him. You asked him if you could borrow his console to play for a bit and he agreed. It was just like the Nintendo Switch you had back at home.

You have gotten used to spending time in his room. After getting to know each other, Leviathan came soon to realize that you have a lot of things in common. From reading manga to staying up late playing videogames or watching anime. You smiled and giggled quietly. By default, it made you happy that the person you liked enjoyed the same things you did.

"Did you say something, MC?" Leviathan's voice surprises you. You were so deep in thought that you didn't notice his match was already over. He was holding part of his headset behind one of his ears, slightly turned in your direction still sitting on his chair. You shake your head and respond.

"No. I was talking to myself." you excused.

He shrugged. "Okay. I'm gonna play another match. If you're hungry, you know where the snacks are." He slightly smiles at you, turning around once again to face his computer."

And just before he could start, you called on him.

"Actually, Levi..." he answered with a little 'mhm?', giving you the cue to proceed. "Could you come here for a second?"

You didn't see it, but he frowned just before getting up from his seat. You moved back a bit to give him space to sit on the ground along with you. He ended up sitting in front of you, looking at you curiously.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I want to try something out with you." You murmured, getting closer to Leviathan. Close to the point where your knees touched his. You both were sitting with your legs crossed, so there was still a decent distance between the two of you.

The tone of your voice plus the distance that Leviathan now had you, had him slowly becoming a nervous wreck. A bright pink spread across his face, his imagination getting the best of him as he thought of what you might mean. It was no secret that you liked each other, you both had already confessed some time ago. He still couldn't quite believe it, but he accepted it.

"T-Try something out?"

You nod, smiling sweetly at him as you reached for his hands. You knew he was nervous. Hell, you were a bit nervous yourself. For that reason, you took the time to hold his hands, rubbing your thumbs over the base of these in an attempt to calm him down.

Which, in your mind, it worked completely. Leviathan looked at his hands between yours and he could swear he can hear the fast beating of his heart ringing in his ears. He worried that you could hear it, too, and that's why he wanted to let go of your hands. He was still not very used to physical touch from other people. But he was more worried that he will make you feel bad. So, he stayed in his position and waited for you to talk.

"Do you want me to let go of your hands?" you softly asked.

Leviathan started to panic. "N-No! I mean, yes, b-but not because of what you think! I-I like your touch, y-you can touch me anywhere! Wait! T-That s-s-sounds so...!"

"Levi." You called before he could even finish. "Breathe." You reminded him, holding back a laugh because of how cute you thought he was acting.

He did as told. As you started to become closer, you both started working on ways for Leviathan to properly communicate when he got flustered. You found it cute, but it must be very frustrating for him. He has a hard time expressing how he feels.

"I know what you're trying to say. I'm just holding your hands to make you feel calm." He let out a small 'oh' in response. If he was already embarrassed, he was now even more embarrassed. He intended to apologize, but froze after he heard you talk.

"Would you like me to kiss you?"

"K-K-Kiss?!" His voice trembled.

Leviathan has stopped working.

"K-Kiss me?! T-That's such... normie behavior! I-I don't know if I can-" he stopped himself. Too flustered to even continue what he was saying. He was so red that he could feel it. Was it always this hot in his room?

"If you don't want to, that's oka-"

"I want to!" He responds louder than he had planned, almost jumping on you while he tightened the grip around your hands. This scared you a little, and he noticed sooner than later. These are not hours to be screaming. "I-I want to," he says now more quietly as he lets go of your hands; placing his between his legs.

You smiled at him once again, changing your sitting position to a more suitable one to get closer to Leviathan. "I'm going to give you different types of kisses, and you're gonna tell me if you're comfortable with it or not. Okay?"

"O-Okay."

"Come closer, then."

He, again, does what he is told, leaning closer to you. He was really tensed, his lips were a thin line and his eyes were close shut so tightly that it was almost concerning. You chuckled, proceeding to plant a small kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Eh?" You heard him say as he opened his eyes.

Smiling, you ask, "what did you think of that one?"

"E-Eh? l-I liked it. I just thought...."

You just barely lean your head to the side, faking innocence and confusion. "You thought...?"

"N-Nothing!" He answers and you let out a soft laugh.

"Are you ready for the next kiss?" You ask.

He nods, closing his eyes again; awaiting. You both lean in, and that's when you leave a kiss on his cheek.

"Well?" You look at him.

"That one... felt nice."

"Do you want another one?"

He nodded childishly and you smiled. You leave another kiss on his other cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin and getting an up-close view of his still red face. Your heart feels full the more you look at him. Your love seems to grow stronger as the days pass. You wanted to give everything and anything to this demon.

"I really like them." He says calmly.

"The ones on your cheeks?"

"Uh-hum."

"Well, I like giving them to you."

He smiles at you, his eyelids almost closing because of how big his smile was. He was happy. He has felt so appreciated ever since he has spent more time with you. He didn't know how to thank you enough. He wanted to keep you all to himself. Have you to be the only one he cherishes. Deep in his heart, he knows he doesn't deserve you, or your love, but doesn't want to let you go.

You seemed to have noticed that his smile formed into a face full of sadness since you were looking at him with a serious expression.

"You better not be having any negative thoughts."

Leviathan didn't respond, telling you that your assumption was correct.

You sigh. "I guess I don't have a choice."

And before Leviathan could react, you were already tickling him.

"MC, no! Wait!" He attempted to say as he was squirming on the floor while you were on top, tickling him to your heart's content.

"I said only happy thoughts allowed!" You said, laughing along with him.

"I'm... sorry!" He said, out of breath and still in between laughs. "S-Stop!"

Once you decided that it was enough, you stop. You go back to the sitting position you were in and so does Leviathan.  You both tried to catch your breath. Neither of you were very active people. Going up the stairs was a whole workout session.

"That was not a kiss." You hear him say. You chuckled and shrugged.

"It's on you for having negative thoughts."

Now it was his turn to chuckle. "I won't do it again."

There was a short pause that, for some reason, felt like ages. A pause where the two of you looked at each other. It made your heart flutter. He leaned closer to you and swallowed, doing everything in his power to not let his nervousness eat him alive.

"Do you mind... kissing me more?"

The question took you by surprise.

Now, who was the flustered one?

As a pink color grew to fill your cheeks, you nodded and leaned to reach Leviathan. He had already had his eyes closed, and compared to the beginning, he was far more relaxed, waiting patiently. The blush in his face persisted, but it wasn't as noticeable as before.

He was comfortable.

Without hesitating, you press your lips against his in a soft kiss. You didn't move your lips, nor did he. It was short and sweet. You separated from him but kept a really short distance between the two of you.

"Did you like that one?" You murmured over his lips, gazing at them and then his eyes. 

"Yes," he answered. His eyes dropping to your lips when you talked.

"Then, what about this one?"

You leaned to kiss him again but before your lips touched, the tip of your tongue slid over his lips; winning a soft gasp from him that was cut short when you finally kissed him.

"Mh..." You heard him moan, and you felt your whole body burn.

You moved your lips every so often as you waited for Leviathan to follow along. His kisses were sloppy, but that, strangely, made his kissing even better. Once he caught up, your kissing picked up the pace.

Quiet gasps and moans were shared among you two. Soon after, you felt shaking hands hold your waist, fingers embedding into your skin over your clothes. Leviathan lift you up and placed you onto his lap. A groan coming from the bottom of his throat when it was you rubbed against his now hard crotch.

"I see you become bolder when you're excited." You tease, smirking at him.

"S-Shut up."

[ladychlo]

I am feeling very conflicted about my sexuality lately.

the thing is, I feel incredibly dysphoric when I watch straight porn, I am a transman , my testosterone hormones go crazy sometimes and I want to watch some porn and satisfy myself a little to cool off. I always knew I was into women, and very very little interested in men. when I looked at men I didn’t desire them, if I want to say it simply.

But after my transition I always find myself watching gay porn and It gets the job done for me. I don’t understand it, am I into men now? maybe biologically, it is more easy for me to look at masculine bodies being intimate.

I still desire women more, but I feel like I am in lack of something when I watch straight porn, not manly enough, I never had sex after my transition as well, do you think this barrier could be exceed?

I am writing this to you because you are the only trans person I know in this platform, have you ever experienced something like this?

Hi love!! hope you're doing well and having a lovely day!

I really really understand how you feel, and from my experience, I know how conflicting and frustrating this can be, and I'm gonna share with you my experience first to ease up the conversation.

I identify as a non-binary transmasc, I'm legally unable to go through any hormone therapy or any other changes except my gender expression and how I present myself through clothes, speech, pronouns, etc. but the why I realized that I'm transgender is through my sexuality itself. when I was perceived as a woman I had a hard time accepting that I should desire men, it's a conservative environment with no proper education on sexual orientation so it was hard to identify why I dislike men when someone suggested any type of sexual interest in a man I always wanted to crawl out of my skin, I felt genuinely disgusted with the idea of being with a man, and I had a hard time to understand that I love women, I'm attracted to women but when I did realize I'm romantically and sexually attracted to women, it felt right on a certain extent but part of me was just not at home with the idea of being a cis lesbian, because first of all, part of it I was presenting femme due to some social pressure and second of all when once I got intimate with a girl I just felt like something unsolved, there was still something in me wanted to crawl out. so press forward when I realized that it's my gender that was unsolved, I felt like there was a fog that now I can see through it, when I started presenting masc, using neutral/masculine pronouns, and being mentally in the right line with my gender, the way I started perceiving my sexuality changed, I still adore women, I'm mostly attracted to women but also the idea of being attracted to other genders isn't appalling anymore, as much as I identify as a lesbian still, the possibility of my sexuality being fluid is still here. before, it was the idea of being a man's girlfriend that disgusted me, the idea that my sexuality was perceived by others through a gender that wasn't me distressed me.

this to say, we're taught that gender and sexuality are separate but actually your gender and your sexuality work together, harmonize together, and orbit around each other because their social existence is inherently fluid and linked to each other. your sexuality can help you understand your gender as much as your gender can help you understand your sexuality. it's a constant process of recognizing parts of yourself and it's a big conflict because when you think you figured it out, you find other stuff about yourself that are still unsolved.

also, about hormonal changes I can't speak from an experience point on that since I'm unable to go through that yet but I read and heard stories from other trans people, that transitioning can influence your sexual orientation not completely in the biological sense but to see your body changing, your perspective about your body changes, how you feel in your skin, how you see your body and how others perceive you changes, and it actually helps you recognize the fluidity of your sexual attraction too because your sexual desires are not purely biological, they're never purely biological, there is a social sense to it, maybe now after transitioning you're able to see parts about your desires that weren't recognizable before, it doesn't mean they never existed, it's just that in a certain situation you couldn't recognize them in yourself. me, for example, cant watch straight porn, cant watch mlm porn, or sometimes I don't watch wlw porn, I prefer audio porn or written one and let my imagination do the rest because I can't find myself in the equation when I watch it, I just don't feel like I'm tuning with it but you my friend, you might be while watching gay porn finding yourself in the equation, identify your pleasure with it and let me tell you, if it feels good and if it does the work for you so why not!

and yes!! the barrier can always be exceeded. I know there is this pressure about having a specific label, and I guess once you start to try and fit yourself and squeeze yourself in a label maybe maybeee is not yours. you shouldn't fit the label, the label should fit you. once you feel you're trying so hard to identify with a specific label then it is not yours, a label should make you feel like you have your own ground to define what you are and what you want. if today I identify as a transmasc lesbian it's because I feel like the lesbian label is not pressuring me to conform to it to the extreme, on the opposite, your label should always make you feel comfortable with the idea of your sexuality being fluid.

so yeah my friend, you're doing alright! just listen to your body, if something makes you feel good about yourself, gives you beautiful pleasure so there is no need for a guilt or a conflict to weight on that. take your time, again listen to your body and every change is very much welcomed <3