#i'll probably go through my primary blog and see if there are things I want to reblog here

[cindered-shadows]

into the underground

Hello! You can call me Void. This is my secondary blog dedicated to Fire Emblem: Three Houses, although things from other Fire Emblem games may also feature! My primary blog is @anguis-sapphire, so that's the URL from which I'll be liking posts and so on.

For more information about myself as well as this blog, you can take a look at this page here, and for a list of how I'll be tagging posts on this blog, please see this page. I'd also like to request that you please read through this page before following the blog or interacting with it, just to make boundaries clear and everything.

In any case, though, thank you for stopping by! I'm always open for questions if you'd like to get in touch! ^-^

[ineedtorantaboutjiangcheng]

My first rant, and the reason I snapped and made this blog, is not about Jiang Cheng. It's actually about the characters around him.

See, I was reading this fic and, without naming any specifics, I was enjoying it. Nothing especially groundbreaking, but it was good enough that I was immersed. In fact, the thing that probably got me about this is that what I liked most about the fic, what was really sucked me in, was the characterisations. Wei Wuxian was the definite standout. Fic premise meant that he was injured, but he was being portrayed with his canonical resilience, which is rare enough that prior to this, I would have likely celebrated the fic for it's accuracy. It's a difficult thing to pull off, and I always give extra credit to authors who can walk the line of, essentially, whumping a character while still keeping them themselves.

Then it happened. Jiang Cheng showed up. I've sometimes clicked out of a fic just for that (the timing of his appearance is, occasionally, enough of an indicator of his role in the story that I know I'm not going to be able to jive with it), but I was immersed! And the author had gained my trust with the aforementioned character accuracy until that point! I was caught up, and ready to roll with whatever version of Jiang Cheng came out.

And, well, his behaviour seemed somewhat accurate to canon. Angry, accusatory, sort of irrational, in an overly suspicious way. Seemed pretty good. Again, the timing made me think that the fic was probably going to go the reconciliation path, but you know, I can get through that. I don't care enough about Jiang Cheng that his presence or absence alone is enough to ruin a fic I'm otherwise enjoying.

But then, imagine my shock. Jiang Cheng, post first siege (where, as far as everyone knows, he killed Wei Wuxian, and has spent the years since his death hunting down and torturing anyone who might be/reminds him of him. You can dispute Jiang Cheng's actions, if you wish, but not that this is how he is widely perceived), demands to see Wei Wuxian. And Lan Wangji, who loves Wei Wuxian, who spent stars knows how much time desperately trying to protect Wei Wuxian, who would stand between Wei Wuxian and the world if he had been allowed, just... agrees.

Lan Wangji. Agreed. To let a Jiang Cheng, who shows no, I don't know, remorse, or concern, or anything, toward a person he is credited with murdering, that Lan Wangji believes he murdered. And Lan Wangji just... yep. I'll just take you to see Wei Wuxian. Sure, he's injured, and vulnerable, and you show no sign of wanting to do anything other than a violence. Yep, right this way.

And THIS. THIS is why Jiang Cheng infuriates me. This is why I had to make this blog. Because I don't care about Jiang Cheng, love him, hate him, think he's the most evil scum imaginable, think he's the true victim of mdzs, I literally don't care. I don't have enough investment in the character to give a fuck about how accurate he is.

But I love Lan Wangji. I really do (and Wei Wuxian, and Wen Ning, and Wen Qing, and Jin Ling, and every other character even peripherally related to Jiang Cheng). So to see the characters I do care about being warped and twisted, just to try and force a particular narrative to play out about this one character? I've spent the past idk two hours as I set this up frothing with rage.

It's not like he's the main character of this fic. He's one of the last ones listed (after characters that are actually deceased throughout the entirety of the fic), and there's no, idk, Yunmeng siblings or reconciliation tag or anything. Full confession, I haven't finished the fic, but I'm well over halfway through, so I can somewhat confidently say that his presence, while maybe playing into something in the endgame, is not super critical.

And yet. The author, who until that point had been pretty good with their characterisations, felt the need to overlook one of the main characters primary personality traits (Lan Wangji's desire to protect people and keep safe that which he loves) in order to... make it slightly easier for Jiang Cheng to be shoehorned into the plot? Why? Just... why?

I'm frustrated. Frustrated, and confused. Is it lack of imagination? Could the author not think of a single other way Jiang Cheng might come into contact with Wei Wuxian after the first siege (assuming, of course, that he is alive)? I don't believe that, the author did well enough with thinking up some left field plot points at other stages of the fic. Did they overlook the fact that, Jiang Cheng having demanded Lan Wangji take him to Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji could have just... not done that? Lan Wangji, Mr. You Are Not Qualified To Talk To Me, had no choice but to acquiesce to Jiang Cheng's will. He couldn't have just. refused. Or walked away from the conversation. Knocked him out and left. Or called out the inherent contradiction of Jiang Cheng wanting to visit someone he killed (again, regardless of your opinion on Jiang Cheng's culpability, it is made clear in canon that that is the version of events Lan Wangji knows/believes). Or at the very least placed conditions on Jiang Cheng that he's not allowed to do anything to harm Wei Wuxian.

But nope! In the space of a single scene, just by his very presence, apparently, Jiang Cheng is able to turn a fully fledged, well characterised version of Lan Wangji into a robot that cannot disobey a human's will due to it's programming.

And it may seem like I'm ragging on this poor author, or that I'm getting too worked up over one scene, and, and, yeah, that would... that would be correct (hence I'm trying to avoid saying anything identifying about the fic, though I realise that might lessen the impact of my arguments). But the thing is, it's not just this fic. Or just this author.

It's everywhere.

I cannot count the number of fics that have characters that otherwise align pretty well with their canonical selves, only for all that to go out the window the second Jiang Cheng shows up. It's like people can't help themselves. Jiang Cheng appears, and every other character must suddenly become whatever version of themselves makes Jiang Cheng appear most sympathetic/reasonable/well-intentioned. Whatever helps the author make Jiang Cheng be what they want him to be.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji definitely get this the worst. Wei Wuxian goes from an intelligent, calculating individual, who excels at reading the situations he's in and figuring out what's going to get him the outcome he wants*, to a reckless idiot who charges in without thinking because he wants to "be a hero". And Lan Wangji goes from someone who has repeatedly failed to save the ones he loves, and so is appropriately determined to protect them as much as he can (without becoming his father), to someone who thinks he always knows best**, and will happily put someone he loves into a potentially deadly situation because... I don't know. His thinking is pretty much never clearly explained, but I've seen different half-reasons. Sometimes Lan Wangji just thinks that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng are such good, good brothers, and that Jiang Cheng is so important to Wei Wuxian that the chance to hold a conversation with him is worth Wei Wuxian... best case scenario, being verbally abused, worst case, being tortured to death. Sometimes he thinks he wouldn't be able to stop Jiang Cheng which... haha. Even Jin Ling, who reflexively defends Jiang Cheng over everything, thinks that Jiang Cheng doesn't stand a chance against Lan Wangji. Sometimes he thinks he shouldn't interfere with someone else's family... even though they aren't related, and Jiang Cheng cannot, under any circumstances, acknowledge Wei Wuxian as anything other than a disciple/servant. Also, Lan Wangji gets involved in everything. That's kind of his thing. You know... going where the chaos is? There's certainly a lot of chaos whenever Jiang Cheng is around...

But really, it's everyone. Wen Ning goes from being so defensive of Wei Wuxian that he breaks a promise and reveals a secret he kept for nearly twenty years just to get Jiang Cheng to stop talking shit, to usually being passively pushed into the back seat, his bond with Wei Wuxian glossed over in favour of the "brothers"***. Wen Qing, a person so devoted to Wei Wuxian that she sacrificed herself and her beloved brother on the off chance that it would mean he wouldn't have to face consequences for Jin Zixuan's death, is suddenly chastising Wei Wuxian for not doing more to smooth over their relationship. Jin Ling goes from creating a diversion so that he can help Wei Wuxian escape Jiang Cheng, despite knowing he would get in trouble for it, to trying to trick them into being in the same room. It's everyone.

Every. Single. Character. Must be changed, must behave in ways antithetical to their personalities and relationships, because it seems that's the only way many people can reconcile with their affection for a character that behaves the way Jiang Cheng does. In order to keep Jiang Cheng even slightly resembling his canonical self (angry. violent. verbally abusive at every possible opportunity), and yet still have him be welcomed and beloved by the other characters, every other character must lose integral parts of themselves. Mo Dao Zu Shi is, in many ways, a surprisingly tightly woven story when you start pulling threads, and if you want that jumper to work like pants, you need to get the scissors and start cutting.

Or at least, I can only assume that's what's happening. I can't fathom any other reason as to why so many fics, that are otherwise fairly true to character, veer so wildly OOC as soon as he appears. And it is so, so many fics. Note: I've read, ballpark, around two thousand mo dao zu shi fics (yes, I have no life. no, why do you ask?), and this happens in a staggering amount of them.

And basically, this is the root of my issue with Jiang Cheng. I don't care how you write him, he can be the most loving, soft, compassionate individual in the world in your fic, it's your fic, you write what you like****, I'm just going to engage less with those parts, because I don't care as much. You can make him greet each sunrise by weeping, and coo over every baby he encounters on the street, and weave blankets for the homeless in his free time. I literally don't care.

What I care about is the changes made to the other characters. That in order to raise Jiang Cheng, other characters must be dragged down. That he must be there, and he must be the secretly misunderstood caring brother, so every character that could challenge that in any way must be changed, by any means necessary, to prevent that.

(But really, do they? It's fanfiction. Can you really think of no way to make Jiang Cheng be the character you want him to be without mutilating everyone else? If you truly feel for him, truly think his actions make sense, truly wish to show how his relationships can be fixed without him altering his own attitude... then shouldn't it be easy enough, to persuade others of this, without turning the cohesive characters around him into a farce?)

* - since I know this is going to get disputed, even if only internally, by someone; the literal second scene involving Jiang Cheng (immediately post dancing-statue attack, Jiang Cheng suspects and wants to test with Zidian) has Wei Wuxian realise he's not going to be able to escape without some proof of innocence (i.e. reading the room, despite the stress of the moment). He then deliberately steps out of cover so Jiang Cheng can hit him, proving he's not possessing Mo Xuanyu, and then, when that's not enough to guarantee his freedom, he recognises that, and plays on Jiang Cheng's ego (and ymmv homophobia) by saying he's not his type, so Jiang Cheng can't take him without losing too much face, which Wei Wuxian knows he won't do, since Jiang Cheng is very concerned with reputation and appearances (after all, that's why he refused to help Wen Qing and Wen Ning, in spite of the debt he owed them). If that doesn't indicate Wei Wuxian is a clever person who thinks things through, I don't know what does.

** - not as worried about this being disputed, but I can see people thinking this so; no, Lan Wangji doesn't think he knows best. He did when he was young (or, at least, thought the rules he lived by were definitive morals), and that's what led to his rigid black-and-white thinking regarding rules and such. Then he got older, and got more experience, and made some mistakes, and realised that different people approach the world differently, and that he needed to be more flexible and meet people halfway if he wanted to be able to help them. See his change in attitude toward mo dao/gui dao.

*** - fic challenge; see how many fics that portray Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng as close, loving brothers, and also contain the close, caring, trustful friendship between Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning. It's very, very few. On some level, I think everyone who wants to show Jiang Cheng as #bestbrother knows that, from his actions to his attitude, Wen Ning is what a beloved, caring, bad-reputation-but-is-actually-just-misunderstood baby-brother-figure should be.

**** - at the end of the day, everyone has the right the write whatever they like in their fic. I'm a full supporter and encourager of that. But if you don't make it clear that you are going to write OOC, I reserve the right to feel frustrated when I stumble across it. I would never comment it in the fic itself, Ican't imagine anything more poorly mannered, but I am, apparently, not above vague blogging about it (hopefully vague enough that no one can identify any specific fics).

[another-day-another-shadow-ban]

Only Pretending #6

Word count: 3.5k Author's note: sooo, I've decided that until I'm shadowbanned, I'll be posting this series here! I'll still reblog the chapters so it is on my primary blog. I won't be able to reply to comments still (as this is a secondary blog), but know that I sincerely appreciate every single note you people leave, so thank you so much in advance, you are so beautiful!

If pressed, you wouldn’t be able to tell how long you spent kissing that night. Wouldn’t be able to remember when you straddled her lap, holding on for however long you could.

Larissa’s hands were the gentlest torturers you’d ever known, softly but surely going from caressing your face to gripping your neck and ending up on your hips, pressing you closer with a desperate feel to it.

You could not remember the last time you were so thoroughly studied. Maybe never. There was no part of you her hands did not travel through and for the first time, you cursed your fuzzy pyjamas. What wouldn’t you have given to feel her fingers grip your thighs without any barrier between you? It was a curse but also a blessing. If you had felt cold fingers on your heated skin, you might not have had the strength to stop it.

Larissa was following a clear path. She had a goal, and it was undeniably thrilling to know she wanted you, but you were both intoxicated by more than one another. This was not a pure desire-driven endeavour; you were drunk and while your feelings and want were very clear to you, you could not know of Larissa’s. Hell, only yesterday she had asked you to be her friend. You could very well be the available option.

When you felt her hand skirting dangerously up your thigh, you mentally kicked yourself and put your hand over hers.

You separated for just a fraction, looking her in the eyes. They were heavy-lidded and you could see more than just a simple adjustment to lighting on her wide pupils. It killed you to know what your next words were when she looked so incredible, still towering over you even when you were on her lap.

“Larissa…” you whispered, and she chased your lips, stealing a brief kiss before you had the strength to part again, “I know this is frustrating, and you might hate me or thank me tomorrow, but I’d prefer having the knowledge that you were completely clear minded before choosing to go down this route with me.”

“Why are you so concerned about me all the time, it should be me who’s saying this,” she sounded defeated, dumping her head on your shoulder for the second time that evening.

You brought your hands to her nape and started to gently scratch her scalp.

“You’re concerned with everyone around you all the time.” You smiled. “Only fair that someone does the same to you.”

Her arms circled your waist, and she buried her nose in your neck. You kissed the tip of her ear and nudged her up to face you again. You felt a satisfying surge of pride seeing her small affectionate smile, and had to kiss it one more time, just as affectionately.

Getting up and turning to lie on the bed, you pulled her with you so she would be the one on top. You went down kissing, smiling, and chuckling once when she pressed her thigh between your legs a little too much and made you groan.

“Tomorrow, we discuss it, ok?” you breathed in the now darkened room and felt Larissa nod against your chest.

“Good night, y/n,” she whispered.

“Good night, Larissa.”

You woke up alone the next morning. Sunlight was coming through the half-opened deep-red curtains, warming a line up your jaw and burning your ear. Larissa must have woken with it in her eyes.

You got up and dragged yourself to the bathroom. Larissa was probably downstairs, which shouldn’t bother you, but you thought you would talk first thing in the morning and the fact that she preferred being in Morticia’s company instead of waking you to accompany her was nauseating. Maybe she was sparing you the bother of putting up with the woman and you were just worrying unnecessarily.

Taking your time to get ready and dress, you left the bedroom almost forty minutes later.

Upon stepping into the main hall, you were surprised by the large front doors opening abruptly. Through them, a squealing Enid ran inside, dropping two travel bags by the stairs and returning just as quickly to hug an unimpressed Wednesday, walking calmly inside (though the slight quiver on the side of her mouth hinted at her true feelings).

“I can’t believe I’m finally here! Stop with the pout, Addams! Your brooding days are over, time to enjoy the holiday!”

Wednesday rolled her eyes in your direction, still in Enid’s arms, as if she could convince you she wasn’t happy her girlfriend had arrived. As if it wasn’t all she talked about at dinner last night on the rare occasions she bothered to make a comment.

“Professor!” you were next in the queue of hugs, and Enid’s joyful skips towards you managed to soothe the minor discomfort that Larissa’s absence had caused. “I’m so happy that you’re here,” she whispered timidly and quite adorably, “I didn’t talk with my parents yet. I’ll do it in person, but I wanted to thank you again for our talk.”

“Of course, dear,” you tightened your arms around her, “And I’ll be here no matter their reaction if you want to talk again, ok? We can go to the Weathervane or the park, whatever you’d like.”

You separated and she smiled sweetly at you. You knew it was young love, but you wished they’d work out because looking at them, you could think of no one else who would protect Enid as fiercely as Wednesday and not a single soul that would keep Wednesday in check as Enid did. They were such an adorable pair you almost felt jealous.

“Rissa?” Morticia’s voice sounded again, a bit louder, snapping Larissa out of her reverie.

“Yes?”

“If you’ve finished eating, I’ll summon Lurch to clear the table for you.” She gestured while seating in one of the garden chairs around said table.

“No, I’ll wait for y/n, thank you. I think she’d like to have breakfast in the garden,” she smiled, remembering your idea of what your first date would have been like. She didn’t know much about you from these last few days, but she was certain you’d appreciate the fresh air and Morticia’s deadly plants.

“You know, I don’t understand what you think you’re doing,” the woman replied, rushing through the words in an uncommon manner.

“Whatever do you mean, Morticia?”

“Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me! I can see clearly what’s happening here!” she sounded impatient, which wasn’t unheard of, but she rarely showed it to anyone; that’s how Larissa knew they were alone, she got used to that secret side of the woman twenty years ago.

Masking her discomfort with a long-since practised smile, Larissa tidied the spread while choosing her words.

“And what do you think that would be?”

Larissa heard a snort, “You’re being used! You always had a soft spot for the unremarkable and that is a very generous quality of yours. I admire it, truly, but it’s the third time around, amore, and this will end up badly.”

“What?! Careful with your lies, Morticia, they’re getting bigger and bigger, and someday they’ll lodge in your throat,” Larissa was shocked by her own reaction. She thought she’d mastered how to maintain the higher ground around Morticia, but clearly, she was mistaken; at least when it was about you, apparently. “Be honest, you can’t care less about how this will end. You didn’t care the first time, why would you now?”

At that, her old roommate stilled.

“I didn’t know about her, and you know it very well,” her tone was dangerously controlled, she was looking ahead with her jaw set and from time to time her eye twitched, “When I heard the news, Gomez didn’t even have to finish sparring, I just ran to the car.” With a deep breath, Morticia turned to face Larissa, eyes sparkling and nose flaring. “You are an intelligent woman, Larissa; we both know that. So, you must have noticed the recurrent theme of charming young ladies trying to use you for their own purposes.”

“Don’t forget to include yourself on the list,” Larissa’s tone was colder than she’d expected, but Morticia’s uncharacteristic avoidance of her gaze was an exquisite treat.

Without another word, the woman stood up and walked back through the path from where she came.

The previous night, you attributed the mansion’s imposing aura to the melting of its high towery roof against the darkening of the skies that created a strange sense of elongated walls. However, through the morning sunlit corridors, the high ceilings and medieval-like decorations didn’t alleviate you of the notion in any way. You could swear one of the rooms you passed through had an actual medieval torture device.

When you started walking down the rock path, Morticia appeared from around tall white oleander bushes, looking sour, and even though her sweet smiles had been mostly false until that moment, you preferred them. Whatever happened to her, you prayed you didn’t have to know.

Upon seeing, though, her face morphed back into “alluring menace mode”.

“Good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well?” she said in a slightly hoarser version of her baritone, coming right up to you and standing close.

“Yeah, you have very good beds,” you smirked, “they barely make a sound.”

The twitch of annoyance in the corner of her lip gave away her feelings, and her expression changed again in a matter of seconds, brows knitting together and downward lips.

“Oh, did something happen in the morning then?”

“What do you mean?” what was she talking about?

“I’ve just spoken with Rissa, and she seemed very pissy about something, could barely talk to her for a minute…” you knew you shouldn’t trust her concerned tone, the glint in her eye had amusement written all over it.

So, Larissa wasn’t in bed because she was angry? Or she regretted your actions last night and seeing the person whom she started this all for irritated her? If she hadn’t wanted to prove Morticia wrong, nothing would have happened. No cuddling on the sofa, no trips and highroad hugs, and definitely no kissing like mad until you fell asleep.

She placed her hand on your shoulder and murmured, “I’d say to approach carefully, you never know when she has a temper.” before parting with her usual saunter.

So much for hope, in the end. You could only be grateful for the chance at knowing what it could be like to be… you didn’t want to finish the thought, even that felt tainted by Larissa’s repentance.

Turning where Morticia came from, you saw a few meters ahead a beautiful black iron garden table with matching chairs. Larissa’s shoulders hung softly. She didn’t look tense from her back, more contemplating with her fingers absentmindedly tracing the rim of a teacup.

You approached slowly, and when you were in front of her, she didn’t look near throwing you the cup. Unsurprisingly, Morticia was fond of hyperboles.

“Before you say anything, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. It was a mistake, it’s ok…” you felt your throat tight and breathed slowly in to control your emotions before continuing, “We were both drunk, and I’m happy we stopped because if not this conversation would have been a lot more awful than it already is to have. I won’t say a thing to anyone, and I won’t ask anything of you, as well, don’t worry. We can just pretend it never happened.”

Larissa’s confused expression didn’t last long. You could point out the moment she stopped being Larissa and became principal Weems in front of you. Her unguarded posture swiftly shifted to the picture of a professional stance, her face was neutral and her voice calculatedly suave.

“Of course. I’m glad that we cleared it out, I’d hate for it to be a source of miscomprehension between us,” she smiled, “Good thing that we both feel the same and can act as adults about it.”

You only nodded, too stunned to muster a response.

“Well,” she got up and gestured to the overstocked table between you, “I thought you’d enjoy breakfast in the garden. You did seem rather fond of picnics if I recall,” she ended with a breath. If you knew any better, you’d say she sounded wounded before she circled you walked away.

As soon as her towering figure was out of sight, which you knew because you watched her go without so much as blinking, you let all the air you’d been holding out, finishing with the mixture of a broken whimper and a sob. Now you knew, undeniably, that your feelings weren’t reciprocated. You felt so drained you couldn’t even cry; you simply fell into the closest chair and ignored the food by your side until someone came to get it.

When Morticia saw Larissa’s face coming from the garden, she concluded her little deception had worked.

More guests arrived in the afternoon. A lot of them very eccentric and intriguing. There was one particular guest you found very charming. Wednesday introduced him to you as Cousin Itt; apparently, he also attended Nevermore years back and was a consistent winner in debates.

“I and Pugsley facilitated his marriage years ago,” Wednesday said curiously by your side, a sinister smile indicating her rare amusement, “It was good fun to dispose of Cousin Margaret’s late husband.”

“Whatever do you mean by that?!”

She only smiled a bit more and stalked away to join Enid at the garden.

Larissa was missing for the greater part of the day. After lunch, which was stilted and awkward, only balanced by Enid and Gomez lively debating Wednesday’s adventures in the previous year, she left for who knows where and only appeared in your bedroom closely before the party was scheduled to start.

You knew you still were trying to deceive Morticia, and by her comment that morning she did seem to believe you were together, but now you didn’t know if Larissa wanted to continue with the plan; she looked so tired.

“Do you think we should talk about it?” you asked when she left the bathroom in one of the fluffy robes.

“Talk about what?” her tone was clipped.

You really wanted to maintain the illusion of being an adult, but it was so difficult with her displeased principal face. You felt like a child politely scolded for your bad behaviour. Your shoulders hurt and your chest ached; spending one afternoon away from her, not knowing what was going through her head was torture. You wondered how you’d survive the rest of the year now, if it would all fade away or if the dull aching would be a consistent reminder of all you wanted and could not have every time you walked by her or were called to her office.

It was Larissa who talked fist, prompting you out of your misery with an exasperated voice.

“Fine!” she snapped, “You want to talk about it? Let’s do that. Where do you want to start from? The part where I-“ she cut herself, looking at you with ill-concealed rage and… betrayal? What? “You know what? You start… this was your idea, to begin with,” she ended in a much quieter tone, rummaging through her belongings and producing a wine bottle before dropping into one of the armchairs by the unlit fireplace.

“You brought wine?!”

She was silent for a few moments before speaking, “I thought we could share it the first night, but you were already drunk and I was tired so I didn’t even remember it,” she sounded defeated, and the emotional rollercoaster of feelings this trip was putting you through was starting to exhaust you. You wanted just that. Simple things. Sharing wine and giggling about fooling her old roommate, being friends and not worrying about screwing everything up all the time.

“Can I have some?” you approached and seated in the chair in front of her.

“We don’t have glasses.”

“Do you really mind sharing a bottle? I mean, we did worse than that already…” you winced at the comment, but when she huffed and smiled you felt almost overwhelmed with relief and fondness.

She unscrewed the bottle and took a swing before passing it over. It occurred to you it wasn’t even the first time you drank from the same place. Last night you shared your last glass you whisky without even thinking about it.

You gulped down a healthy amount and were surprised by the sweet smoothness of it. It was the same you shared the first time you went to her office. She smiled again when your eyebrows shot up and you took another sip, savouring it this time and not just swallowing for the sake of liquid courage. You didn’t know quite what to say at the sweet gesture.

“How about we start with the reason you disappeared on me the entire day,” you prompted, gently, passing her the bottle.

She huffed a laugh again, but it was bitterer this time around. “I think you know why that was.”

“I really don’t,” you were speaking quietly, as if it was any louder something would shatter, “I can guess, but I’d prefer knowing. Not knowing things have already caused enough commotion between us, don’t you think?”

“Ha, I wonder how we’ll ever work together again after this,” she didn’t take the time to appreciate the drink, downing an amount that had her throat moving slowly to manage it.

“I think you should stop with that for now…” you took the bottle and set it on the floor. She did have a different system than you, but it was starting to feel like too much too soon.

“I don’t usually… I have been drinking much more than normal the last few days,” she confessed, her eyebrows kitting softly.

“It’s ok, I just think we’re always out of sorts before having honest conversations. The time in the car was the healthiest discussion we ever had, and it took us very high amounts of stress to even start talking.”

“You are correct, once again.”

“Again?”

“You said before that it was a mistake,” her voice was just above a whisper.

“And you agreed… with me.”

“Do you really believe that?” she huffed again, “You must know by now how I feel, you’re just too kind to tell me it is one-sided. Stop trying to protect my feelings, I’m more than a decade older than you.”

You were a bit oblivious sometimes, but you couldn’t misinterpret what she was saying, however, you could not believe it either.

“What do you mean, Larissa? Please don’t say things you don’t mean thinking it will make me feel better.”

She hid her face in her hands with a deep breath. Her hair was wet from the shower and even looking cosy and casual in her robe, all you could see in Larissa was tense exasperation.

“Who stopped us yesterday?” she murmured, dropping her hands, eyes almost boring holes in yours with her piercing determination, “Who came to me this morning offering me an out, implying we both made a mistake and not only me?”

“I thought you were…” you started saying, but she cut in.

“You thought I was what? Not interested after kissing myself molten in your arms? That I regretted while waiting for us to eat together in the garden? What did you think, y/n? Enlighten me because it really is a mystery to me what passes through your head.”

You were stunned into silence by her small outburst. She really was incomparable when her eyes lit up like that when the persona of masterly disguised feelings was put aside, and the real Larissa appeared.

“M-Morticia told me you were mad… in the garden before I met you,” you breathed, “I thought you snapped at her because she was the reason we’re doing this in the first place.”

At that, Larissa got up, you were still dazed to accompany her movements, but you felt her hands on your shoulders and suddenly she was kneeling in front of you.

“This is just a guess, but don’t you think Morticia would love nothing more than to ruin whatever it is we have since it’s exactly what she’s been trying to do since we got here?” you could very well drown on those resplendent blue eyes, clear as the Weddell Sea with emotion, “It would be laughable if we were actually together, let’s be honest, her methods are ‘petty teenager’ level, but I think we are so deep into our heads we’re falling for them just like a pair of teenaged fools.” Her hand came to caress your cheek, and you weren’t sure you were being played or if this was really happening, but you couldn’t think of any words, even less muster a sentence to agree with her, so you just had to pathetically wait for Larissa to fix everything by herself. She didn’t seem to mind so much, with a small smile and drawn eyebrows.

“Did you really regret it?” she whispered, looking almost vulnerable if it weren’t for her resolve to soothe your insecurities, “Or would you say something different if Morticia hadn’t found you before me?”

“You were all I could think about…” you covered her hand on your cheek, “I just wanted to be sure your feelings wouldn’t change…”

“They didn’t,” she said simply and leaned in to kiss you.

Tag list: @anti-bright-places, @the-bagel24, @regalbootie, @tundra1029, @thoroughly-confused, @lilsmeaux, @poorwritingandstalecoffee, @alder-saan, @jelly-frogss, @enchantressb, @imean-its-just-me, @lvinhs, @iloveyall-18, @kimiinou, @jeweleegrey (why won't your names tag? What am I doing wrong?)

Chapter Seven

[captain-clandestiny]

Hello, this is your g/t secret santa! Hope you're doing fine. I wanted to ask you if you could explain your likes/dislikes a bit more. Blue Sleeves is your own story/universe, right? Do you have any wishes or pointers for me (or just feel free to ramble about it if you want ^.^) Also I hope you're okay if I write something for you, I'm not that good an artist.

HII i am so sorry this week has been so busy aa i didnt see this 😭😭 ofc ofc that;s awesome!!! im so sorry aabdjshj i didnt know LMAO

Bluesleeves is indeed my own story! its a sci-fi military fiction, basically just kinda "what if there was an official branch dedicated to experimental technologies to be used in warfare and (questionably ethically) peacekeeping?" Half glorification of the incredible advancements of man, half satirical statement on the horrors of the military industrial system.

ill try to ramble about the whole plot here without spoiling anything below here lol. but whatever you wanna do go for it!! the whole thing is still a massive work in progress, so i encourage you to interpret the story as you wish!

So i'm sure that scrolling through the blog you're somewhat acquainted with the whole crew, but i'll give some short character descriptions of everyone here

Captain (also just goes by 'Cap,' true name to be revealed)

5'6" - she.her - white - dark blonde hair(usually up in a bun), hazel eyes

biological recombinant, lead subject of the Avian Task Force (ATF). specializes in a variety of skills, the most notable being reconnaissance, first aid, and long range combat.

basically just a random human woman with wings grafted onto her back lol. most of the story is just the corps figuring out what to do with her

sarcastic, spirited personality, though a bit oblivious and insensitive at times. could probably use some media training

has a strong moral compass when it comes to consequences of life/death. this often leads her to struggle with coworkers and the responsibilities of her occupation

prides herself in being a leadership figure, but likes to quarrel with higher-up commands too. she'll do what she thinks is right without thinking much about the collateral.

Lanning

~60' - he.him - mech - not really sure how to put the physical description for a robot lmao

big robot. yeah.

usually a no-nonsense, nonchalant figure, but will entertain an interaction outside of his productive hustle every now and then

maintains security operations when not deployed (both digital and perimeter security around HQ)

heavy support figure in combat, tertiary defense in more desperate scenarios

doesn't express a lot towards the mortality of organic creatures. his apathy is often regarded as his primary weakness by everyone else that knows him, though he personally disagrees with that.

would never admit it, but he feels a lot more than he expresses :(

---- Greyson ('Grey' for short, first name not yet revealed)

6'3" (but you can choose anywhere from 20'-90' if you wanna write him giant!! it varies throughout the story) - he.him - hispanic - dark hair(buzzed), chestnut brownish eyes

trial subject of the TITAN project, a force that is still very much in development with two other subjects in active operation (who are yet to be officially introduced, so you can ignore that for now if you want). just the government messing around with growth serums to make giant soldiers!!! what could go wrong here.. (famous last words)

important point!!! - his real appearance beneath the heavy tactical gear he always wears has not yet been revealed in official writing!!! so for now you can assume that no one's really seen his face underneath the mask

just kinda wears the generic army outfit : combat boots, cargo pants, tactical vest and headgear, etc.. customize bits as you desire, but he keeps his face concealed at all times!! since he doesn't show his face though, he usually makes his body language very visible to all he interacts with (doesn't have to try very hard though when he's big haha)

kinda quiet guy, speaks through his actions rather than words a lot. will speak up when it comes to professional proceedings or a formal discussion

quiet, but not shy!!! will grab you if you;re being an asshole with no consideration for personal space

big fitness nerd, always either working out or staring into space in his free time

its been hinted at that he carries a heavy trauma on his shoulders.. something prior to being inducted in the TITAN project that haunts his every move, but no one really knows... (yet. again, another thing that will later be officially revealed in the future)

General Malik

90' - he.him - white - light, buzzed hair, almost white-ish blue eyes

unhealthy complexion, very pale and malnourished features

a leading general of the Røzvivat insurrectionist forces, cooperative subject of their experimental faction (basically- giant general yippee!!)

cold, driven personality. the son of a foreign spy, taken as a child and raised in a Røzvivat indoctrination camp where he grew to become... the nightmare that cap meets today

unsettlingly interested in psychology and desires a modern education in strategies of deception

for now, is under heavy control of Røzvivat propaganda. will both kill and be killed for the 'global freedom' the High Houses promise they fight for

sneaky and manipulative, but not well versed in combat with someone of his same size!

Bluesleeves surrounds Captain's journeys in a world built upon lies and deception, painted as a patriotic fever dream. A modern gilded age of sorts. As an experimental soldier for the WFEO (Western Forces Experimental Operations, a broader branch including experimental factions from other countries) she pledges her life to the repair of international connections, and just kinda tries to survive each day. Whether it's a support mission gone awry or accidentally upsetting one of her looming coworkers, whatever you choose to do is up to you! If you want a list of hypothetical situations that the crew could go though to write about, just lmk <33 and however deep you want to delve into the themes of this story is entirely your choice!! if you wanna write something silly, fluffy, or bloody, just know i will love whatever you make, whoever you are!!! anything else i can provide to help (i know im not the best at rambling in a coherent fashion ahah) just send an ask i gotchu 🤙🤙 have fun!!

[dropoutconfessions]

this is directed towards the owners of the account, and sure, any "fans" too. you cannot pretend to not realize that ALL you're doing is bringing toxicity into the fandom.

it's been less than a week and your posts are already mimicking 2018/2020 fandom misogyny.

you're giving hate a platform. that's all you're doing. it's not fun, it's not interesting.

that in addition to how clueless you are about slurs and general etiquette and respect on the site, maybe should be a hint that you shouldn't be running this.

You can go ahead believe that I am clueless about slurs, but personally, as someone who's very identity gets called a slur all the fucking time, I get pretty annoyed when someone makes the call that something is a slur when it doesn't apply to them. Whenever something annoys me, I tend not to do it to others, but that's just me.

I may be a minority on a couple different fronts, but unless I was suddenly an expert in Native Canadian or Alaskan culture and general opinions of the term, I'm not making that call, and in my opinion, neither should anyone else who isn't either well informed or affected personally by that specific term. I know how etiquette on this site works. I've also been on this site, for long enough, to have formed my own opinions on how well this site practices etiquette. (That means I've watched enough people get run off this site to know this site kinda doesn't practice etiquette). I have explained, in my pinned post, exactly why I choose to ignore the rules people have decided are the standard, because they do not work for spoiler tagging, and we are discussing a media partially locked behind a pay wall. There are dropout fans, who can't watch every season of dimension 20, because they watch through YouTube and/or Spotify. I am going to continue using the primary tags as well as the anti tags for tagging purposes, because I do not want to be the reason someone learns about a character death, every time someone wants to talk about how they kinda didn't like a character who may or may not be a backup character wink wink to those of you who know which season i am referring to I fully gave everyone a new tag (#negative dropout confession), that I retroactively went back and applied to all the posts I believed it fit, so that you could block posts that were negative. Now I'm not perfect, and am actually pretty shitty at social queues and kinda forgetful, so if you find a post you think is negative in a way that isn't "i kinda would have preferred this, but i loved the season" let me know, i will retag it as such. I'm only human and just like everyone else, not above being checked on my shit. If that's still not enough, it's a 3 click process to block this blog entirely. We here at dropoutconfessions will be sad to see you go, but I'll still understand. A place of anonymity, to freely share how you feel, is going to attract people who have feelings that usual get them hatred. And yes, some people misuse it. Typically, I do one of 2 things when that happens.

If it's a misunderstanding of the media, I'll add corrections to to the response to clarify, anything I miss, 3-5 people will probably take care of within an hour of the post going up, just check the replies

If it's something truly awful to say, I'll block the asker and delete the ask. Something I've had to do about half a dozen times already.

I have, multiple posts, debating those very posts you are referring to I have, multiple people, defending those characters, in the replies and reblogs of those posts you're referring to I have, multiple posts, in queue (as of me writing this reply) because i don't like flooding people's blogs, that are saying the exact same thing, without calling me toxic and clueless I understand you don't like the hatred, I don't like it either. But I do believe everyone deserves a platform if they'll be civil about it, and they give their opponents an opportunity to call their take absolute dogwater, once again, check the replies, some of these asks get flamed almost immediately. And no. I don't think all I do is bring toxicity to the fandom. People use this as an outlet for how they feel about just, the story. There's like, multiple posts about how people are a bit overbearing expecting perfection from the cast and how certain seasons deserve more love and how amazing some of the other shows are and how amazing some of the cast members are. It's easy to see the negativity, but it's not all there is. And trust me I'm not immune to that either, it's exhausting sometimes. I have gotten more asks about how "obsessed everyone is with Brennan Lee Mulligan" than I ever have about Brennan in a context outside of d20, the show that he runs. Tunnel vision is a bitch sometimes. And at the end of the day, if you think I'm doing a bad job at this, you can make your own confessions blog. This blog exists cause I got bored of my statistics homework, and realized there wasn't a confessions blog. You can too, and if everyone prefers yours, they can use yours, I truly do not mind. This blog is just something I feel like needs to exist, and since no one else was actively doing it (as far as I could tell, no one has told me the contrary). It's really just something to do with my hands so I can focus on dnd games and my video calls with my gf. That's it. If you have any specific suggestions on how I can improve, I'm open to listening to them, as I have proved in the past, but beyond sharing how I feel and addressing how you feel, I don't really know what to say or do. Thank you for telling me how you feel about this blog, this fandom, and Dropout, a media company we love. That's all I could ever want from an ask on this blog.

[raventhewolf9]

About Me and stuff!

(please read all of this before interacting)

If you came here from @therealsimontally, That is in fact me! Yeah that's the blog I made accidentally and it's now my primary blog and I can't fix it oops

Hi! You can call me Simon, Rowynn, or Sydney (Raven works too). I'm not fantastic at doing about me things, but I will try my best!

I'm agender and use any pronouns, but I prefer it/him/they. I'm asexual (apothisexual, to be more specific) and panromantic.

Nonhuman (shapeshifting feline; werecat) (more information: https://www.tumblr.com/raventhewolf9/765704724851884032/a-list-of-all-my-nonhuman-identities)

Sydney Sargent fictionkin (doubles and sourcemates feel free to interact but please read the post linked above before interacting)

Pet regressor (DO NOT SEXUALIZE THIS /srs)

Triple-A battery (Anxious, Autistic, ADHD)

Possibly depressed (not professionally diagnosed)

My interests include Will Wood, Tally Hall (and their side projects), Camp Here and There (no spoilers!!), Gravity Falls, The Owl House, Amphibia, and a bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to list because it's like!! a lot!!

I enjoy listening to music, drawing, reading, writing, watching TV, cooking, playing with my cats, doing quadrobics, making masks, making dragon puppets, and just doing crafts in general.

I mainly just reblog stuff, but I'll post my own thoughts here occasionally.

Boundaries

I am a MINOR!!! Please keep that in mind when interacting with me

Also, please use tone tags when interacting, I often have trouble understanding tone through text.

NO TALLYSHIPPING!! (or just shipping real people in general!! or just proshipping in general!! no proshipping!!)

Also!! Do NOT!! talk about sexual stuff around me!! As I mentioned before, I am apothisexual (sex-repulsed, if you didn't already know) so that stuff really gives me the ick and makes me uncomfortable so PLEASE avoid talking about it around me

I'm socially anxious and rather paranoid of people I don't know, sorry about that ^^" Feel free to interact (as long as you don't fit any of my DNI criteria, of course) but keep in mind that I may be cautious of you at first if I don't already know you.

If I see a blog I think is cool, I'll often spend a while scrolling through it and liking posts. So if you get a ton of likes from me all at once, that's probably why-- Sorry if it comes off as weird or anything, it's just a thing I do ^^"

I use an excess of caps and exclamation points when excited, please keep this in mind and sorry if it bothers you

PLEASE do NOT ask for donations in my AMA. I do not have any money to give you (I'm so sorry /gen), and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I'm a bad person because I can't donate. Also, I can't tell whether the asks are real people or bots. I hope your situation gets better. <3

I block freely, if I block you for no apparent reason I promise it's not personal!!

DNI

Basic DNI criteria (any sort of bigots, radqueers, p3d0s, z00s, proshippers, etc)

Joe Hawley supporters (more specifically, people who support his actions-- If you support his path to recovery and becoming a better person, feel free to interact)

Joe Hawley haters / erasers / harassers / dehumanizers (Yes, he's done terrible things, but he's still a real person and doesn't deserve to be harassed, it doesn't make anything better or help him recover / improve)

18+, N$FW, p0rn blogs (should be obvious but I'm putting it here anyway)

Bots

Trump supporters

Max Design Pro fans

People who use gen alpha/"brainrot" terms unironically

Robin / Riab / Red / Carson / ILOVEROSSFEDERMAN (If you know you know; if you don't know, feel free to ask) (I don't thiiiiiink he has tumblr? but better safe than sorry, yknow?) (It's not like he'd respect me telling him to DNI anyway, but I'm still putting him on here)

Tag Guide

#Simon's Ramblings -- Spilling the contents of my strange little mind onto Tumblr for all to see. Or, in other words, talking about whatever I want

#Simon's Vents and Rants -- Growling or yowling or hissing about things that I'm upset about.

#Simon Reblogs -- Self-explanatory

#Simon Answers -- Answering asks I get in my inbox

(note that I only started using these tags recently, older posts will not have them) (also, since these are pretty new, I may forget to use them sometimes)

List of Blogs

If a blog claims to belong to me but is not on this list, assume it is not me! But feel free to ask anyway, because it's possible that it actually is me and I just forgot to put it on this list.

@raventhewolf9 -- You're here! @therealsimontally -- I don't use this blog, but it's the first one I made, and now it's my primary blog and I can't change that. Oops. @willowclan-clangen -- A ClanGen thing I'm working on with my stepbrother, currently a WIP @is-that-a-will-wood-reference -- Inspired by rat detector, a silly little gimmick blog I made. @tallyalerts -- Group blog owned by @.velveteenbxnny, dedicated to keeping the Tally Hall community (and Tumblr in general) safe and spreading important TH-related news as well

[44-mr-midnight-44]

Fandoms: Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium, Animator Vs. Animation, Hollow Knight, Rain World, SCP, Ultimate Chicken Horse, FNaF, Undertale, Centaurworld, Spore, Dungeons & Dragons, Pokémon, Phighting

I don't answer asks asking for money. Please don't send me them.

PLEASE DON'T REBLOG SPAM ONE POST (REBLOGGING A BUNCH OF MY POSTS IS FINE) OR LIKE SPAM!!!

If you're gonna spam me to show love, pls go down the posts on my blog and reblog as many as you can (if you add comments in the tags I will sob with joy /pos)!!!

PLEASE DO NOT TAG ME IN CHONNY JASH/CCCC CONTENT!!!

I get why this is not common knowledge as I only really said it in my Discord server but PLS. DO NOT. I have to be in a mood to handle CCCC content and I get really uncomfortable really easily because of it and it can ruin my mood if it's already bad enough. Thank you.

Mias World fans I'd prefer not to interact with but so long as you don't ship Lychael or Kyer (if you do then HARD DNI, I literally don't care what your reasoning is) you probably can, especially if you're not really into it anymore.

DNI if you ship characters with abusive dynamics. I did not go through horrific situations with people who should've protected me just for some creep on the internet to treat it like a quirky yaoi dynamic. The only exception to this is if it's done to cope and not portrayed in a positive light.

If you're here to cringe at my content, then all I really say is my friend, we don't have to fight. I consider myself a nice friend. We could probably be friends. I'm a good engager, I can match people's energy well even if I don't quite understand the subject. I'm fine with disagreeing on people and seldom make a big deal out of differing beliefs, heck, I'm even friends with a few conservatives. I'm sure we could learn a lot from each other, maybe I could even show you that it's ok to be weird sometimes. Perhaps you just need the change in perspective that I had.

Alright, important "stuff I want people to see instantly on my blog" things out of the way. More under the cut, including:

♡ My other blogs (kin blog, "weird stuff" (SFW) blog, Heart RP blog, hero-villain blog, etc.)

♡ Information about yours truly (about me, hobbies, some neat fun facts, yk yk)

♡ Boundaries

♡ Some useful information, just in-general

♡ Userboxes, cos what good Tumblr blog doesn't have em?

If you're one of the many, many otherkin/otherkin-adjacent/"weird stuff" I followed, my accounts for those will be under this cut. I hope to form a community with you all. :)

"Weird Stuff" Blog (SFW Vore/Tickling, etc.) - DM

Crossover AU Loredump blog - @traumabasin (inactive… for now)

Kin/Venting Blog - @thehearteccentric

Heart RP blog - @heartchonnyjash

Hero Villain/Whump blog - @elsewherereflective (probably shadowbanned idk no one sees my posts 😭)

Extended About Me…

Góðan daginn! I'm AXYER, Chimney, or Heart! AXYER's more of a stage name I prefer to be called if we're not too familiar with each other, Chimney's just a general name, and Heart is more of a friendly name if we're talking more casually. I also go by Axon if we're VERY close, please ask before calling me that!

I am a being birthed by the madness of Entropy that looms on urban towers in the scintillating moonlight dedicated to my resentment of everyone around me. You'd think the God of Moon and Emotion would get a lot more done with this power. You'd be mistaken.

I love psychology, like a lot. I consider myself to be at the point where I even know ✨🔍👁️ Forbidden Knowledge 👁️🔎✨. I'll let you figure out what that means. 😉

My most fondest corners of psychology would be trauma responses, child psychology + child development, behavioural psychology, and the effects of internalisations and conditioning. I'm veeeeery well-versed in mental illness but I don't consider it one of my primary psych interests. I know most about anxiety disorders!

I'm also VERY VERY big into writing!!! I absolutely LOVE fiction, and I think it's a very vital thing for a lot of people's happiness. Fiction is magical, and I think it's beautiful how much it can shape people and their sense of what makes them happy. I LOVE crossover AUs, like, REAAAAAAALLY REALLY love crossover AUs, like, basically every single one of my main stories are crossover AUs, like the kind where five-hundred different fandoms exist in one big town together.

I also love zoology, sociology, astronomy, biomes, modern Iceland/Icelandic culture, winter/night aesthetics, fashion, trains, photography, coding (I'm just starting, though!), and a few more my busy brain can't afford me to think of right now. My main interests in psychology are trauma responses and my main interest in writing is character-writing and worldbuilding!

I consider myself an honest person, and I really don't like lying to people. I try not to be blunt but it slips out sometimes, and I really dislike sugarcoating things. If you need honesty, I want to give you honesty! I don't think people can properly change if they're not given a right step in the right direction, so I try to be as honest as can be. If I don't feel like I can be honest with you, often times that's a bad sign in our friendship. Honesty is a big thing to me!

I find that getting immersed in a good story is very healthy for the soul, just as long as you don't wade too deep that you can't pull yourself out. My dreams are to bring my silly, self-indulgent stories to the world and help people get lost in them, too, even if for only a little bit. Nothing brings me more joy than the idea of helping people get lost somewhere they feel safe, if not thrilled from the drama rather than poisoned.

If you're interested in any of my stories, I'd be happy to share a bit about them!

The primary ones would be:

-Pillow Club, a very self-indulgent AU where fictional characters from all sorts of worlds beyond the perceivable multiverse live inside of modern rural Iceland, with a lot of supernatural worldbuilding but ultimately restricted to urban fantasy. The main cast lives within the Pillow Club, a big, apartment complex-esque building where characters live for free at the cost of stricter living conditions, run by a certain well-known rabbit serial killer man with a lot of secrets. It's intended to have similar stakes to a more exaggerated, supernatural slice-of-life version of reality; there's no overarching goal, characters go about things as they do and conflicts and goals change as life happens. The main protagonists are all from niche to semi-niche stories, namely my AUs of the such.

-Untitled Chonny Jash AU (yes that's the actual AU name), a Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium AU in-which Cameron (Whole), a severely tormented child, suddenly has two bizarre animal-like creatures split off for him after becoming emancipated at only (roughly) thirteen. The two ids, Heart, an angelic, purple id with a boisterous and friendly disposition, and Mind, a robotic, shark-like blue id with a much more reserved, awkward, and stoic (yet well-meaning) personality come to be Cameron's only joy in life, and he raises the two the best he can (which thankfully, they age extremely fast) and they're one happy family, until Cameron loses his humanity and becomes an id as well. Heart and Mind not only face hurt from Cameron's family, but soon, Cameron himself; now Soul.

-And finally Elsewhere Reflective, which you may learn about on my superhero account. :)

In-case you can't tell, I have a knack for extreme canon-divergence. It's just how I roll.

As for DNI? Well, DNIs aren't exactly… known for their effectiveness. All I'll say is if you're a com-shipper, I'm blocking you, you're mean and you make me extremely uncomfortable and I don't want to fight you. I do also tend to block for whatever reason, if you simply make me uncomfortable I'll block you. No hard feelings.

Oh also Jashshippers. Jashshippers get out, like now, like, right now.

I'm also a (Villain) Heart fictionkin! I'm not comfortable with other Heart fictionkins (or any type of Heart identifier, really, even if it's only one of your identities), so I apologise.

Anyway, I am EXTREMELY tired! So long, and thanks for stopping by to read! I'm sure we can get along even if we don't agree on much, I'm not the type who likes to argue. And if you don't want to be friends, that's fine too. It's just nice seeing ya stop by. :) (hey guess what past Axon, I'm updating this, you're welcome.) (hey guess what past and past past Axon, I did it again) (hey guess what you three, I'm editin it again)

DISCLAIMER: If you ever end up identify as Heart or anyone from Mias World (Heart copinglinks/fictionhearted/synpaths thin ice, but omitted from this), there's like a ninety-nine point-nine percent chance I will block you unless we're already super duper close. No hard feelings! My widdle stoopid brain can't handle it is all.

More added as I went back to this post:

As mentioned and implied several times now, I HATE arguing and I am TERRIBLE with conflict. I'm willing to debate so long as you're polite about it and can agree to disagree (without insulting myself or my intelligence, Shae), but generally speaking I don't like to fight people and am an extremely sensitive person.

Here's the things I absolutely will not discuss:

-My stance on DID/OSDD, there's a lotta misinformation and disagreement on a lotta things on it so I'm just not comfy talkin about it m'ny'alright? I'll say two things: it's a real disorder and anyone who accuses people of faking things are losers.

-Trashtalking, I dealt with it enough at my old house and have dealt with it enough in the past at an all-girls highschool and I do not condone it whatsoever. I'm fine if you need to vent or you're just telling me an interesting conflict in a friend group (that I am NOT apart of!!!!!! Do NOT make me your rumour person knucklehead!!!!!) but I draw the line at genuinely insulting people and spreading rumours!

-My stance on the USA election. Another "you can't win" situation. Please leave me out of most politics in-general, I try to avoid that on this blog as I want my blog to be something I can look back on and not feel stressed about. Yes, I hate Trump.

-Tumblr controversy. I try my very hardest to be nice to everyone regardless on if I like them or not and if you let me know they're not cool, I'll distance myself, but please don't try to go after me if I'm still nice to them. I'm quite literally nice to everyone lest you REALLY hurt me, which only a select few people have and even then none of them are allowed on this blog.

Tumblr hate asks are open you will get a free kitty video 😌

@nkgrimmie kys

Tags…

(I can't guarantee there's content for all of these yet)

#axyer psychology moment - I talk about psychology.

#untitled chonny jash au - I talk about Chonny Jash AU (that also belongs to nkgrimmie) where Heart and Mind are sort of aliens who love to argue for fun and also Soul sucks.

#pillow club - I talk about my extremely multifandom crossover AU that takes place in the middle of nowhere in Iceland. Do you like tired depressed scrawny men? Do you like characters from completely different universe having relationships you'd never thought of but now you're curious about? Do you like a lengthy plot-line following complex trauma arcs? Do you like extreme canon-divergence? Do you like robot dilfs? Then stay tuned. (Update: you will probably only find this on @traumabasin)

#important - Anything that's important.

#axyer eats a canvas - Art (if I remember this tag exists).

#axyer stories - I tell stories.

#axyer rant - I rant about something. Be prepared, I am an extremely passionate person and am usually wrong about at least one thing; please correct me. But politely.

#happy hour - Happy little enjoyable things. :)

#*unfurls scroll* hmmhm yes - I figured I needed a reblog tag, so here it is!

#cool people things - Reblogs/interactions/whatever with my homies.

#extremely cool people - Reblogs/interactions/whatever with a ROACH.

#laughter is truly in my pants - This post made me laugh.

#the blues and greens - Favourite posts.

#embracing this harmony - All-time favourite posts.

[wirewitchviolet]

I hate this, but it's kinda telethon time.

We are closing in on the end of the month, which means it's going to be the first of a new month, which means that A- I must write a check to my landlord for $1100, and B- That patreon page I keep forgetting to link at the end of posts is going to lock in donations for the month... and then probably take a week or two to forward me the money. For quite some time now, the amount I'm getting out of Patreon has been significantly less than that magic $1100, and that's not even the total amount of money I need to have every month to continue to be alive. There's also food and electricity and a frankly unreasonable ISP bill and all. Specifically, just putting the cards on the table here, the current expected cash ball coming in is... "$762.4" and yes it is super weird that Patreon will list 40 cents as ".4" like that.

So, this month is not The Month. Scraping stuff together, calling in favors, having a nice windfall from putting that little RPG in a bundle, I in fact have enough cash en route to my bank that I can cover rent for September BEFORE Patreon gives me that $762.40, and still have a couple hundred bucks to cover having power and eating enough to stay alive. But when October 1st gets here, yeah, I'm just going to have what Patreon is gearing up to send me here, and if I manage to convince my landlord to give me an extension and wait for that month's payment, I can... MAYBE live through that month? Don't think buying Halloween candy to hand out is in that budget though, and based on current projections, yeah, by November there is going to be A Problem.

I'm trying every angle I can to scrape cash up, but my primary source of income at the moment is still... put entertaining/interesting/informative things up on the internet and hope people enjoy those enough to want to throw some money my way. And this blog here has kinda been the only platform I've had for sharing stuff, so basically what I'm asking is...

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME!?

But no, for real. I have a lot of different irons in the fire right now, and haven't been sharing much on most of them, but if there's a particular sort of thing you'd like to see from me, and particularly if seeing that would leave you predisposed to throw a little money my way, please just flag me down via message here on tumblr or discord if you know how or... some e-mail I'll maybe remember to check, and let me know? I know people still love that Ranma thing I wrote up years ago, I could maybe find more things to do trans readings on? Did people like that FF14 plot summary? Want more like that? Movie reviews maybe? Updates on games I'm working on? I've been spending a ton of time on this really ambitious electronics project. I could talk about that more? Explain how computers work in great detail? Shove everything aside and get back to Twitch streaming? I'm desperate over here.

[theascndncy]

            Hello  and  welcome  to  theascndncy.  This  is  an  independent,  selective,  private,  20+  Star  Wars  multimuse.  This  blog  will  contain  heavy/dark  themes  and  is  plot  driven  most  of  the  time.  Inspirations  for  my  muses  come  from  Timothy  Zahn's  books,  slightly  leaning  more  towards  the  Legends/EU  books,  and  a  mix  with  my  headcanons.  Rules  and  muse  list  will  be  under  the  cut  plus  any  other  helpful  links  will  be  found  down  below.

          Interest   tracker.   Muses.   Promo.           Other blogs: obi-wan. caleb.           Affiliated: perhaps soon!

                            little muse list until I make a better thingy: Primary: Eli Vanto, Ufsa'mak'ro, Ar'alani, Cohbo'rik'ardok, Brierly Ronan Secondary: Che'ri, Mitth'ras'safis, Mitth'ali'astov, Irizi'in'daro, Un'hee

                             Rules to follow! I'll keep it simple: Mun: My name's AJ! I love characters, love talking about them all the time. I love to read and write. I mostly read horror, and recently found it's actually a favorite genre of mine. I'm a nerd, a dork, hella shy, and would love to be your friend!

Please be kind and respectful! If there are any issues with me, please come to me in an appropriate manner. I don't bite, I promise. We all know we can't read each other's minds!

Muses. As it goes, my primary muses are ones I probably will have most muse for, and will be my go to muses for starter calls or unspecified memes (but pretty please specify muse). Primary & Secondary muses can shift position or be removed depending on interaction. I may add muses as I see fit in the future. I will make any posts indicating any updates.

NS.FW. It will maybe be present on this blog. Most of my muses and mun are of age. I probably won't dive too much into, but it's a possibility. I will tag it accordingly if I do, or make a sideblog for such things.

Shipping. I love to ship. I'm opened to it as long as we both are good with it, and talk about our muses to see if they click.

Controversial characters. Totally down to write with any type of character. I won't limit myself. If this bothers you, please do not follow.

Triggers. I'll tag what I can/remember. I will NOT write with drunk muses. This doesn't need to be tagged for your threads, I just don't want to deal with it one-on-one.

OCs/Fandoms. Totally chill with OCs, just have some type of an about page. I can try and fit my muses into anything, and will follow blogs I can see working (even if I don't know the fandom).

Be patient! I have a full time job and a few other blogs I hop on. I usually go with the flow, see what muse I have. Plus please be aware that I struggle with depression. Some Days are good and others not so much.

OOC. I love to chat ooc. Through IMs or discord. Whatever works for you. Although, discord is only open to mutuals.

Icons. Half of my muses do and half don’t have icons. In all honesty I probably won't use them too much. I'm definitely okay with not using them straight up either.

Disney Star Wars/Sequels. Okay so... I am not a big fan of the sequels. I won't take much from most of Disney live action shows, but I am not a grouch! I'm very much open to talking to find a common ground for plotting!

MUTUALS ONLY!!!!

[bookwyrminspiration]

i just finished stellarlune and i need to make up for the time i lost not hitting the “view post” button on your posts tagged as stellarlune spoilers so. ramble at me if you want. gonna go scroll your blog forever and ever now

I saw all the notifs from you scrolling my blog; did you have fun? Did you have a good time? I hope so! Anyway, I have no idea what I'm going to end up rambling about so we're about to find out together.

I feel as though both so much and nothing at all happened. And also that it was all thrown at me very quickly. When I was making the timeline there were two points where several days pass at once (there's a week taken to prepare for the Trix meeting we don't see, and Sophie goes through several days stalling for her confession) so that likely contributes to it. And I can't help but feel it's a bit jarring.

Reading through (at least the first time, that may change with rereads) it felt like we'd skipped a step or two to get to where we were. Sophie started going off about Elysian and power sources and I was sitting there like girl slow down what are you saying.

I think my overall conclusion is that this is the sokeefe book. Not in the sense that this is the book where sokeefe went canon, though that's true as well, but as in this book exists for and is dedicated to the arc of sokeefe. That was it's primary focus start to finish, from Ro's teasing and the letter in the beginning to the kiss at the end. Sophie was focused on it and thinking about it, so we couldn't get away from it, even though there were other things peppered throughout. And I think that's why it's kinda meh to me at the moment. I don't dislike it, but it's dedicated to something I don't happen to care much about.

I can understand why it was done, as this has been something building up for the better part of a series and does take more time to address, but even with a whole book focues on it sokeefe somehow still felt rushed. Truly incredible how that happened. But either way, Stellarlune is intended for an audience with different interests than mine--which is totally fine! I loved Unlocked (and still do), while many in the fandom hated it when it came out. I'm not saying it's bad, just that it's not my favorite :)

I don't have a copy of Stellarlune with me at the moment (my dad's borrowing it) so I'm probably forgetting to touch on things but like. This felt like a very character focused book, and with a limited number of characters. Even with everything else that happened in the book, that's what left the biggest impression.

Oh! Rayni! I can touch on her! To be 100% honest my first reaction was "..Rayni??? that's your name?" Something about it caught me of guard. I was very satisfied to see the tribunal from book one come back around, as I hadn't expected it to. And I do appreciate the idea of someone going through similar hardships to the rest of the kotlcrew and turning to the Neverseen instead. That part about how the Neverseen got to her first or however it went? Chef's kiss. I absolute love that idea and her connection to the Neverseen, it being her only option and all that. Rayni herself? I'm still warming up to her, but I do enjoy having her around and am pleased to know more about her, even though it seems a little late to be adding in completely new characters to the books.

OH and Elysian. Can also talk about that too! I've said it before and I'll say it again: Stellarlune feels like the first half of an arc, so I don't want to judge it until I read the next book and see how it plays out. That being said, what. What is going on. This has been planned from book one, apparently, but it also feels completely out of left field. There's a power source and it's a person? This person is their world's best kept secret? There's so much going on in that that without the full information I don't think i can nearly get into it the way I want to. Do they power the Lost Cities? Do they control it all from behind? They like, turned of people's abilities, so do they grant abilities to elves? Are they where abilities come from? Who, what, when, where, why, how? Elysian raises so many questions and I can't ask them because I don't have the info to ask the right questions!

I'll just say one more thing: Sophie is. a lot right now. She got on my nerves this book, but I also can't blame her for it because she's 14 (15 in elven years). I can completely understand why she acts the way she does but it also makes me want to shake some sense into her like please please please think about things and stop yelling at people who are trying to help you. But being 14 fills you with rage so like, i get it even if oof.

Anyway those are some of the impressions this book left on me and I am so so curious to read the next one because I need answers. I need to know. I gotta know what's been cookin in Shannon's brain for the last 14 years.

[trichotillo-nope]

Still here...

Hey y'all! I know, it's been a minute since I started this particular blog and then subsequently disappeared. Mea culpa.

Short version: Adulting nuked my plans; and possible (probable, who are we kidding) neurodivergent shenanigans.

Did not know there was a blanket term to describe the processing nonsense that is my brain and how I overall interact with the world. Personally I'd explain it as a some mixture of ADHD/[mild] Autism/Trauma with a frosting of Trichotillomania and Anxiety/Depression.

Yes, I am in the process of psych assessment hell. Thus this post now exists in the wild world of Tumblr. So, for my American followers (since I'm, y'know, in that hellscape), here's the gist of how that works in case any Adults are considering going through this process.

See a psychiatrist/psychologist who can perform the evaluation and assessment. Your health insurance may require a referral from your medical doctor.

Go through 1-2 (minimum) pre-assessment interviews because of course. It's one part diagnostic and one part insurance requirements and probably some skeptical "you're not neurodivergent" and you will feel like you're on trial even if you are a Textbook case of whatever thing(s) you think you are. It's important, at least it's been so for me, to bear in mind that what you're experiencing is valid even if it's not one large overarching issue but a combination of several "smaller" issues mimicking the expression of another because there is overlap.

Try not to self diagnose if possible because of the overlap; though I understand the inclination to do so especially with more neurodivergent people discussing how their neurodivergence impacts their daily lives via social media.

Advocate for yourself.

These tests are expensive. I'm looking at near $2000 between me and my insurance and guess who is covering the bulk of it - hint, not my insurance.

Your insurance probably needs a pre-authorization and approval times vary by insurance provider (mine took about 10 days to okay things; it could have been longer). Note: Your Assessor will contact your Insurance with the pre-authorization form.

If you or our assessor suspect autism, be prepared for your insurance not to cover those tests.

Expect, if you have a mainstay therapist, that the assessor may wish to speak with your primary mental health provider.

Hurry up and wait. I started this process in November with an expected timeline of maybe 2 months...we are way beyond that now and my assessor (sweetheart and patient though she is) drives me bonkers with her response times. Like ma'am...I told you schedule maintenance is a thing I have a physical reaction to and this is just [pterodactyl screech here]. ***

Hurry up and wait.

Be kind to yourself. This will exacerbate and exhaust you.

I'll have more once I've actually gone through the assessment. In theory soon? But we've been saying "soon" for weeks now my primary therapist and I (she is not my assessor).

I just want answers to the question "Why brain do that?" so my therapist and I can better manage my tomfoolery and shenanigans but damn I'm tired.

Yes, I recognize that I"m fortunate to be scheduled at all and that i got into with the practice I'm going through in a relatively short timeline. The practices some of my friends were going through for their regular therapy quoted me much longer lead times to even do the preliminary sessions. I also recognize that my experience is not necessarily universal but boy howdy.

Why am I referring to this psychiatric professional as an assessor? I have no intention of receiving care from this practice long term. Their lack of communication ticks a whole new level of anxiety and stress for me across multiple levels.

Alright. I'm done now for this post.

M'k bai!

[ohlympns]

                        ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʀ ɪꜱ ᴡᴏɴ, ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ɪᴛ'ꜱ ʙᴇɢᴜɴ

               Hello   and   welcome   all   to   ohlympns!   This   is   an   independent,   private,   and   selective   Percy   Jackson   and   the   Olympians   &   The   Heroes   of   Olympus   multi   muse.   I’ll   be   combining   sources   from   the   books   and   my   own   headcanons.   Please   see   any   information   about   this   blog   down   below.   Rules   will   be   under   the   cut.   If   you   have   any   questions   or   concerns,   please   feel   free   to   message   me!   I   promise   I   am   very   friendly!

                AJ.   She/her.   25.                   muses.   interest tracker. promo. headcanons. leo.

                                             ʀᴇʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴠᴇꜱ, ꜱᴜʀʀᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

               Rules to follow! I'll keep it simple: Mun: My name's AJ! I love characters, love talking about them all the time. I love to read and write. I mostly read horror, and recently found it's actually a favorite genre of mine. I'm a nerd, a dork, hella shy, and would love to be your friend!

Please be kind and respectful! If there are any issues with me, please come to me in an appropriate manner. I don't bite, I promise. We all know we can't read each other's minds!

The Gods and Goddesses. As someone who is a devotee to one of the Greek Gods, I may have a different approach with how the children interact with their parents. I'll try to balance canon and how I view it.

Muses. As it goes, my primary muses are ones I probably will have most muse for, and will be my go to muses for starter calls or unspecified memes (but pretty please specify muse). Primary & Secondary muses can shift position or be removed depending on interaction. I may add muses as I see fit in the future. I will make any posts indicating any updates.

NS.FW. Will not be present on this blog. Even though my main verses are post the book events when all of them are a little older.

Shipping. I love to ship. I'm opened to it as long as we both are good with it, and talk about our muses to see if they click. Annabeth, Nico, Clarisse, Frank: They will be hinted to be in a relationship with their significant others, however that doesn't mean I will automatically ship with their significant others unless a partner wants to or if I'm shipping with another character. Piper: Same thing applies somewhat but with Jason. However, the time during TMOA my Piper won't be in a relationship with Jason unless my partner wants them to be. Leo: I don't ship Leo and Calypso, so he won't be in a relationship with her.

Controversial characters. Totally down to write with any type of character. I won't limit myself. If this bothers you, please do not follow.

Triggers. I'll tag what I can/remember. I will NOT write with drunk muses. This doesn't need to be tagged for your threads, I just don't want to deal with it one-on-one.

Formatting. If there is anything about my formatting for writing that bothers you, please feel free to message me. I'll be happy to change it for our threads.

OCs/Fandoms. Totally chill with OCs, just have some type of an about page. I can try and fit my muses into anything, and will follow blogs I can see working (even if I don't know the fandom).

Be patient! I have a full time job and a few other blogs I hop on. I usually go with the flow, see what muse I have. Plus please be aware that I struggle with depression. Some Days are good and others not so much.

OOC. I love to chat ooc. Through IMs or discord. Whatever works for you. Although, discord is only open to mutuals.

Icons. I don't use icons as of right now since I'm slow at getting FCs. However, if I ever find FCs I like to make icons- just know we don't HAVE to use them. That being said, if you use icons feel free to use them as you wish.

Movies & Show. I'm opened to discussing a way to flow them together since I base most of my blog around the books. Don't feel as though you can't approach me!

MUTUALS ONLY!!!!

[sadhaappreciationsociety]

I do have an OC, but haven't played as him yet (don't really play the game at this time. Too busy modding it to my liking.). He's mostly used as a half-joking self-insert at this time and most likely will always have an element of that. Still, I know some details about him. I'll probably do a playthrough with him once I'm done with my modding binge and when I have time. Then he can be more fleshed out.

Who are they?

For now, you can call him by my normal online name, King Feraligatr (or KF) (he has no proper name). He's not much of anyone, but I do know that he's a commoner with Imperial citizenship. I also know that he's anti-slavery. His current tags are Scholar and Jester (but that could change).

What is their damage?

Is this meant to be mental or literal damage type? Or both? Anyways, since he lacks fleshing out, he has no real mental quirks. His main damage types would probably be melee mixed with hydro. :)

What do they look like?

He's currently just a standard lizard who's blue. Mostly because I like the lizards in this game and blue is my favorite color. :) He does use use some assets from Majora's Character Creation Plus , so recreating him using base game assets isn't completely possible.

Are there any differences between their in-game model and how you imagine them?

Not currently, but those aforementioned assets make it hard to recreate him in the modding editor if I ever want to do shots of him in it.

What is their fighting style?

Currently melee mixed with Hydrosophy. Modded to make that combat style more viable. :) He also likes to heal people and such.

Who do they love and why?

(Art done by Faneposter, Ace.Vermilion, and Neon Runes in that order.)

If the name of my blog didn't make it obvious, it's Red Princess Sadha. Specifically my edited and expanded version of her (now ingame due to a mod. :D). Sadha is my primary fictional "crush", so you'd better bet I'd find a way to get her and my OC together. Though it happens sometime after the game. The way I see it playing out is that TRP, being his usual sleeping around self, cheats on her. However, in this continuity, he doesn't prioritize her or really even seek her out (specifics are TBD). So, ignoring her on the Reaper's Coast (RC) (though maybe the OC passes by and says "hi" or something) and meeting her in Arx and with Sadha knowing about TRP's unfaithfulness, she breaks up with him. My version of Sadha may prefer monogamy, but she'd be willing to working out polyamory if TRP followed some simple conditions and treated her right. Not in this case. Anyways, this obviously makes Sadha upset and she's not in much of a talking mood in Horrorsleep. Still, "KF" still feels bad and gives her a Swornbreaker, for which she is grateful for. They may not be able to talk much now, but they know each other and are acquainted. After the events of the game, "KF", having little better to do (and maybe taking some slight interest into the Red Princess), looks Sadha up and chooses to work for her and the royal family of the House of Law. Sadha and "KF" befriend each other pretty fast. And eventually, over time, they develop feelings for each other. They start dating and eventually get married (especially important to make their relationship more "official" in the eyes of the public since Sadha's royalty and all). Like myself, my OC is asexual and I have that play into his and Sadha's relationship. They have no kids (like I would want) and while they still have to deal with Sadha dreaming of TRP at times (I don't think that would go away even if they broke up. (: .), they work through it. The two work together to try and bring about changes they think would benefit the Empire, like abolitionism (to things simple, Sadha is also anti-slavery.) and being more peaceful. Sadha has repaired her professional relationship with TRP (now probably Emperor) as well. So from helper, to acquaintance, to protector, to friend, to partner, to spouse, to partners (could make a pun on this... :)) in politics and other areas, I'd say "KF" and Sadha have a good relationship. :)

Anything else you'd like to share about them?

Uh, not much. He still needs fleshing out, as I've said. He's not directly possible to recreate in the editor easily, so shots like this:

have him looking differently.

Anyways, there you go. :)

@faneposting-my-beloved I answered your ping... HAPPY?! (:

@sabin1108 @aetherneadraconis @laytonsgal Respond to this plz.

DOS2 fandom, show me your Godwoken? Tell me about your Godwoken? (For example:) Who are they? What is their damage? What do they look like? Are there any differences between their in-game model and how you imagine them? What is their fighting style? Who do they love and why? Anything else you'd like to share about them?

Everyone who sees this post, consider yourself invited. And feel free to tag your friends if you'd like.

@flower-khajiit, @divinityiswasted

Just do it. This is a threat.

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY SOMETIME EVENTUALLY: Hal is NOT Megamind’s Greatest Enemy

I’m back! Real life is consuming massive amounts of my time, so I’m afraid these Fan Theory Thursday posts have become sporadic. I'll try to write them as often as possible. Special thanks to Dalniente for suggesting this topic and sharing his fan theory! You rock! Please note: while fascinating, this blog article is going to get dark. IF DEPRESSION IS A TRIGGER, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! This post may also leave you with an uncontrollable urge to hug a certain blue super-genius. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Finally, if you are that single strange individual who has been reading these posts for over a year without actually watching the movie… Well, I’ve probably given away nearly everything already, but nonetheless: SPOILER WARNING!

It’s clear to any fan of this wonderful DreamWorks film that Megamind has been through a lot. Not only was our favorite blue hero ostracized, bullied, and raised in prison, but we see him facing yet more hardships during the narrative. In fact, according to one fan theory, although his triumph over Titan is the primary story arc, the super-stalker is not the greatest foe Megamind faces.

It all begins with the blue man’s emotional turmoil. As I’ve mentioned previously in Megamind’s Psychology, the film’s protagonist seems nearly obsessed, at least during the first half of the story, with both his presumed evil nature and the idea of destiny. In fact, it appears that this has led him to construct his entire self-identity around supervillainy—something that only changes when his preconceived notions do. Such a drastic alteration, however, is often painful, and this one was no different.

Megamind, at the beginning of the film, obviously feels that fighting a nemesis provided his only reason for existing. This is because Metroman unwittingly offered mental engagement as well as something to work toward. More specifically, their fights were a perfect excuse for Megamind to invent, plot, and challenge his own brain. Without this, the blue man feels unfulfilled and purposeless. He clearly states that fact while he and Minion discuss creating a new hero. The thing is that, as Dal suggested in the Evil Lair Discord, losing his former adversary doesn’t merely leave him without an objective, but also disrupts the very stability of his existence.

“He wants his life back,” Dal explained. “Literally, he says this: his goal with the infuser gun was to get his life back to the way it was ‘when the world was perfect and rosy.’”

The problem, of course, is that this is easier said than done. Megamind feels like a ship adrift in the ocean with no compass or destination, and like many of us would in those circumstances, he falls into making some bad decisions. Those choices only make his predicament worse. After losing the his excuse for the battles and inventions that gave his life meaning, Megamind begins a relationship with Roxanne under a false identity, has a massive argument with his only friend, Minion, and chooses the worst possible person to imbue with superpowers. (You can read more about what might have led to that particular misstep in Why Did Megamind Choose Hal.) All of this ends badly.

Let’s look at the argument first. Not only does the blue man likely feel terrible for hurting his friend—there is ample evidence that he does care about Minion—but, following their fight, his henchfish walks out, presumably for good. This is significant because it further destabilizes Megamind’s reality. Minion was far more than a, well, minion.

“It was Megamind and Minion against the world,” Dal said, describing that incident. “And now it is just Megamind.”

It must have been hard enough to be an isolated refugee from a destroyed planet, but without his only friend, the blue alien is truly alone. That loneliness further increases when Roxanne, the only other person to have positive interactions with Megamind during the film, rejects him.

This remains true even though Roxanne Ritchi’s feelings in that moment were both justifiable and reasonable. Upon discovering that the man she’d fallen in love with has been lying about his identity and is, in fact, the same supervillain who regularly kidnapped her, the woman feels understandably shocked, betrayed, and upset. However, it appears likely that that may not have been the way Megamind saw things. Once again, Dal offered some insights

“Roxanne is furious with him, and reacted to his feelings for her with something I read as shock and some incredulity, but which I think Megamind would be way more likely to read as disgust,” he stated. “She insinuates that she thinks he is truly evil, which he would be very willing to believe, at this point.”

Heartbreak is never easy, but when it follows on the heels of other personal hardships it can be even more devastating. The blue man’s emotional response to this final blow is beautifully portrayed in his shattered expression and a single hopeless word: “no.” This is because Megamind truly doesn’t believe she would ever be with him. (He states later on that, being the bad guy, he can never “get the girl.”) This is precisely why he found it impossible to reveal his true identity to his date—although, to his credit, it appeared he was attempting to summon the courage to do so before his disguise failed. He believed that the only way he can have even a taste of romance is by pretending to be someone else.

Add to all of this the setback in the blue man’s emotional growth and it’s not difficult to see why he might be so strongly affected. As mentioned in an earlier post, The Warden, there is evidence that Megamind was pushed into supervillainy from a young age. Thanks to his interactions with Roxanne and a little initial reevaluation of his life, he had started to believe that perhaps he actually could be good until everything fell apart. As a result, his journey to heroism stalls and, had his integrity or will been less strong, he might have abandoned it permanently.

When the cumulative impact of these events is considered from a psychological standpoint, it is frankly amazing that Megamind’s melancholy is not even more severe. He has essentially lost his job, so to speak, his sense of purpose, his best friend, and the girl of his dreams all in a short period of time. As Dal expressed it: “as far as he knows, he has lost everything.” Considering that, when this occurred, he was already emotionally scarred by being orphaned, bullied, and raised in incarceration, the man’s resilience is certainly noteworthy. However, that doesn’t mean he was immune; far from it. Dal pointed out how one scene, following his breakup, illustrates exactly how bad Megamind’s emotional state had become.

“When he gets back to the Evil Lair, he has not slept. Minion is still gone… And [Megamind] does not sleep. He gears up to fight Titan in an untested battle suit, and says that line about: ‘It's time to go down in style.’”

At first glance, viewers might assume that the blue man is referring to Titan going down, or perhaps to himself inevitably losing the battle and returning to jail, but Dal suggested that the statement may hide a darker meaning. Megamind might, on some level, intend for this battle to be his last. It’s possible that what he really means is that he wants to go out with a proverbial bang.

That’s right. Megamind, at this point in the movie, has developed situational depression, perhaps even passive suicidal ideation. He has hit rock-bottom, he feels his life has crumbled into pieces, and his actions have become reckless.

“I do not think Megamind cares a whole lot, in that moment, whether he comes back from this fight at all,” Dal explained. “I think he is desperate and angry and upset and self-destructive… But also, he does not actually want to die. This is an important distinction. He wouldn't mind being dead but he does not want to die; he wants his life back.”

This fan theory makes sense. Keep in mind that re-establishing the status quo was, after all, the entire reason for creating the Infuser Gun in the first place. What the former villain really wanted in that scene was to return a sense of stability, order, and purpose to his existence. This may also be why, when everything else falls apart, Megamind appears to fixate on his battle with Titan.

“We see this in the way he interacts with Titan,” Dal stated. “He waits for HOURS before going to see wtf is up. He is dismayed to realize how far sideways his ‘turn Hal into a hero’ plan has gone, and he pulls out all the stops in goading Titan into fighting after all. He does not stop to think about whether this is a bad idea—he does not care. Titan is the one shot he has at restoring some sense of familiarity to the world… And he gets what he's looking for! He is so relieved to finally lose. Finally, for a few bright seconds, the world makes sense.”

That brief moment of emotional and mental clarity is also what jolts Megamind into action when he realizes Titan is homicidal. After reveling in a feeling of renewed purpose, the blue man suddenly realizes that his life can still have stability. That completely changes his outlook.

“At this point I think he is probably back to wanting to live, because this is where he finally displays some self-preservation. He felt okay for like three whole seconds and a fight; it's enough to get him into a less awful head space and into survival mode,” Dal said.

When Titan begins destroying Metro City, it pushes Megamind to overcome his internal struggles because he sees that the problem is much larger than its immediate effects on himself. This is important for three reasons: it reconnects Megamind with the world around him, proves that despite being a supervillain he possesses empathy, and provides him with a new purpose. All at once, the blue man understands that his reason for living doesn’t have to come solely from having a nemesis; it can be something bigger and more meaningful than that.

Thus Megamind defeats his greatest enemy: depression. The fact that he has to face this particular monster during the course of the narrative makes the former villain both more realistic and more impressive. It’s relatively easy to fight another person compared to battling darkness within yourself, and actually conquering the latter takes enormous strength of character. Yet Megamind does exactly that, becoming a better man and building a better life as a result. It serves to offer a message of hope to others fighting the same foe. The inclusion of such a deep and mature theme in this animated film is simply one more reason why it is one of the greatest things DreamWorks has ever produced. Little wonder that so many, even among adults, are devoted fans of this amazing movie.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 1)

So I’ve already written a lengthy essay about Natsume and Mikan’s relationship in the anime. It had to be split into six parts so I could post it on Tumblr with images in tow. I was distressed about this because my Natsume analysis was already JUST as long, and I had only reached the Reo Arc. Yeah, so if you thought my anime essay was long, tedious, or annoying, this one will be a thousand times worse.

Possible trigger warning for this meta here (for the whole thing), because I'll be talking in depth about child abuse, bullying, depression, and suicidal ideation.

My Natsume NM analysis is LONG and ongoing (as in I'm still writing it) and it'll take me another month to finish it if I continue at the rate I'm doing it now, analyzing about a volume a day. I've asked a little and people seem to be okay with the idea of me posting in intervals, probably once a day. Thus, I'm going to be updating the tag on an almost daily basis, ideally.

As a result, I don't think I'll put a table of contents here. There will simply be too many parts and it would be way too long and annoying to put on one post. It would take forever to scroll past to get to the actual analysis parts, so I'll just include next and previous links at the bottom like last time and leave it at that. I will also have all of the parts under the tag "let's talk about natsumikan: natsume" on my blog if you want to find all these posts, and if you want to see the anime ones too it'll be all under "let's talk about natsumikan" or "ga meta: nm". Really, just check the tags under this post and you'll see plenty you can use to navigate for my annoying thoughts.

ANYWAY, I decided to divide my analysis into three parts, because they made the most sense to me that way: the anime, Natsume, and then Mikan. I split it this way because I always thought the manga and anime were quite different, with the anime doing very different things with their characters and their relationships as a whole, so it deserved an analysis independent of the manga, where I can discuss the changes and how they affected NatsuMikan in particular. I could do one huge essay for manga!NatsuMikan in the same vein as the anime one, where I discuss both perspectives and experiences interchangeably, but it would simply be too long and it would get rather messy. It’s easier and more cohesive to divide the manga analysis into two very important parts: discussing Natsume’s perspective first and then Mikan’s.

So why Natsume first? Mikan is the primary character in the story, and her point of view is the most instrumental. After all, it’s through her that we learn almost everything we do. We only learn Natsume’s backstory when Ruka tells it to Mikan; we learn Yuka’s backstory when Mikan does; we find out about Hotaru’s brother only when Mikan does. Mikan’s big grand discoveries are our own, and in that way she really is Alice in Wonderland, discovering everything around her for the first time.

That being said, there are plenty of things we don’t learn from Mikan. When we first find out for sure that Natsume has the life shortening alice, it’s almost a hundred chapters before Mikan gets confirmation, when Tsubasa and Natsume discuss it. We know that Natsume loves Mikan for a while before she gets any inkling about it. Why is this?

Because Natsume’s perspective, when we are lucky enough to get it, is much more straightforward. He doesn’t really discover or learn things, he simply copes with things that are already ruining his life. Especially when it comes to NatsuMikan, Natsume’s perspective is most reliable because we know everything from him already. We can tell when he falls in love with her, we can tell when he plans to give her his alice stone (almost a full year before they do the exchange), and we can tell which scenes are loaded with romantic intent even if Mikan can’t see it. Mikan’s role in the story is to discover, Natsume’s is to give us secrets that we have to keep from the rest of the cast.

And it’s because of this difference that Natsume is first. Because he’s much easier to analyze. He already knows he loves Mikan. We already know he loves Mikan. There’s no discovery. The only journey here is how his feelings get stronger and more intense. After all, most fanfiction keeps a pretty consistent view on Natsume’s feelings, even in AUs. It’s clear, even if most readers aren’t sitting around analyzing him. Mikan’s feelings are trickier, because she’s not really aware of them either. I save the hardest analysis for last, and even though Natsume acts mysterious, the real mystery here is Mikan.

Natsume

Natsume at the very start is so cold, it's surprising that he has the fire alice...

Sadly, we’ll have to put off the actual story analysis for a little, because before we can talk about Natsume and Mikan, we have to talk a little bit about Natsume.

Natsume is ten years old at his introduction. In my opinion, he is the most tragic character I’ve ever encountered in my twenty-some years of consuming media. (I cannot think hard about him for more than a minute without starting to cry and that’s not really an exaggeration.) Naturally, that isn’t an objective fact, and some might disagree with me, but one thing I can say for sure is that his tragedies have made him a very interesting character.

I say this because sometimes people see Natsume as nothing more than an asshole, and not as a deeply traumatized child who has been forced to act like an adult for most of his life. So many of the cruel things he does are things he is forced into doing, and understanding this, and why he distances himself from the people he loves the most, is crucial to understanding him and what exactly it is about Mikan that he is so drawn to.

From birth, Natsume was plagued with the knowledge that he would die earlier than his sister. It was never a secret for him that he had the life-shortening alice. His mother talked to him about it, but under no circumstances is that knowledge easy to deal with. It is always a struggle and a burden to know that your life has a time limit on it. He was also a bit older than his sister when his mother was murdered, and thus is a little better at comprehending the act for what it was. Even when his father discusses the event with Ruka, he downplays it as his wife dying in an accident. Natsume argues that it probably wasn’t an accident. Furthermore, he is very conscious about what his family is running away from, while Aoi is way more in the dark about their situation. They send Aoi away from the door when Alice scouts come by, while eight-year-old Natsume stays to confront them.

He is already acting like a mini-adult by the time Ruka meets him. He’s had very few friends, if any, and is just as lonely as Ruka, and his inherent differences from the kids around him play into that. Not only is he an Alice, but he has struggles in his life almost nobody could comprehend.

Yet despite his maturity for an eight-year-old, he still acts like a kid too. He teases his friend, argues with his sister, jumps from windows, plays, and even smiles sometimes. For all his maturity, he’s still a little boy. He has no choice but to have knowledge about his situation, about his alice and the school his family is desperately avoiding, but his dad isn’t forbidding him from fun and friendships. He’s encouraged to make friends and be as much of a kid as he can in his situation.

The trouble is when he’s forced to transfer to Alice Academy despite all his family’s efforts. He makes a selfless choice for his sister’s sake, a decision no child should be forced to make. All in the span of less than twenty-four hours, Natsume chooses to sacrifice himself for his sister, pushes his only friend away to protect him, and gets in the car to drive to what has for his whole life been the worst possible scenario. He knows his life will be hell there. He knows that the school has been eyeing him for his powerful alice his whole life. He knows he will suffer beyond imagination and comprehension and he chooses it anyway, because it will--in his mind--keep his sister safe.

How to make me start ugly sobbing without any words ^^^

He chooses not to say goodbye to his father, and Ruka doesn’t really understand why at first until he turns around and sees that Natsume is crying already. His father knows that his son is being sent to Hell, and for Natsume it’s the next adult thing he has to do to tell the driver to speed up so that he doesn’t see his father again and break down like a child would. Natsume thinks of himself as an adult now, in almost every way but bodily.

And then there is Ruka, who Natsume would never have anticipated would follow him to the ends of the earth and to the furthest reaches of hell. After all, Ruka has been avoiding the school his whole life too. He knows it’s no normal school, or fun sunshiney place. He knows that it will be horrible, but he decides to go anyway, because he doesn’t want to be alone anymore and because he doesn’t want Natsume to be alone anymore either. Ruka came along so that Natsume could have some semblance of happiness and joy despite all the abuse.

Then Ruka is turned into a weapon. Natsume does not blame Ruka for this, but there’s a new wall between them. Natsume cannot escape his hell, not even with Ruka, because Ruka is yet another thing Natsume would sacrifice himself for. The more I think about it the more I want to write an essay about Natsume and Ruka’s friendship, because they’re my second favorite relationship in the story and my favorite fictional friendship of all time, so I’ll save some analysis on them for the future.

By the time the first chapter happens, Natsume has been forcibly separated from his family, has had no choice but to act like an adult despite being only ten, has gone on life-or-death missions for his evil school, and has put his body through the wringer in the process. When he reveals to Tsubasa how sick he is, he says he’s been in that shape for a year. Natsume is already anticipating his death and is aware that he doesn’t have a chance of lasting even close to how long his mother did.

I bring all this up because what Natsume has been through and how miserable and hopeless he is when he first meets Mikan, even with his best friend by his side, is the foundation for how quickly and intensely he falls for her. Analyzing the hows and whys of their relationship would be incomplete if I didn’t mention who exactly he is by the time he meets her.

To be entirely honest, the essay I've written about the first few chapters might look like this too. They might seem unromantic, and that's okay. NatsuMikan need to be introduced as their own characters before and throughout being actually paired together. So if it seems like I'm focusing too much on Natsume on his own, or later Mikan on her own, it's because their individual struggles are crucial to understanding behaviors and attitudes.

Chapter One

Am I really doing this? Am I really going to go through this whole manga chapter by chapter? Am I really convinced that there’s enough NatsuMikan content in nearly every chapter to warrant this kind of behavior?

Yes, I am! When I said it would be long, I MEANT it! We are going oFF!

Natsume is awake and present for exactly five pages in this chapter and I’m gonna analyze all I can think of!

He first appears via melodramatic explosion, standing confidently on the gate, attempting escape.

This alone serves several purposes: one, so that we can see that this school has some potential darkness. Kids are trying to run away, after all, meaning they can’t just leave on their own and meaning there’s something to run away from. Mikan might not think too much of this at first, but it’s a warning to us. After all, despite all of Higuchi Tachibana’s talk of this originally being a school comedy, it never was one, not as long as Natsume was a character. Conversely, for Mikan, this meeting is yet another reason on a list of reasons that this school is a freakshow, playing more into the school comedy aspect. Alice Academy is nothing like a normal school. Here, students run away via explosions and teachers talk with hearts in their speech bubbles. Natsume is testament to the bizarre, just another quirk in a school with infinite quirks.

Another purpose is to introduce Natsume as dangerous. Even before Mikan formally meets him, he demonstrates that his alice is powerful and life-threatening, but the irony of it is that later his alice only really seems dangerous to him. But beyond that, right now all we know of Natsume is that he is--presumably--the “bad boy” of the school, even if it’s reductive to categorize him like that.

And the most important purpose for the sake of this analysis, and from the perspective of knowing the whole story already (because it’s more fun this way, adding context), is that Natsume is doing this all out of uncharacteristic naivete and childishness.

We later find out, despite Misaki-sensei’s explanations, that Natsume wasn’t trying to escape for good, just for a short time to prove that he could, so that he could get his hands on a letter from his father. He knows that he won’t get it, and that the middle schoolers are just bullying him, but he’s willing to risk it for even the smallest chance that he could hear from his father again. He is not planning on being gone for long, as his escape isn’t real.

Natsume is childish here, because he’s willing to get himself into trouble for the chance of something he knows he won’t get, and even more, because later we find out that Ruka proposed they escape for a little while anyway. They’re both in a morose, unrealistic mood at this point, willing to face potentially horrifying consequences for a few hours of being careless and not having to worry about the academy and its demands. I don’t mean childish as a bad thing, especially not when it’s about Natsume, who should be childish.

Tragically his and Ruka’s entire plan is in shambles immediately, because Narumi has been waiting for him outside. Natsume’s caught, whipped, and laying on the ground when he first sees Mikan. There’s a moment of uncertainty when we think maybe he’ll use his alice on her to make a run for it, but Narumi stomps on his hand to stop him.

The Honeysuckle scans are so pretty, clear, and nice. I'd like to use them as my pic sources and might change all of them in the future as new chapters come out.

He is then threatened to not use his alice or Narumi would use his own, and so Natsume doesn’t, but Narumi uses his anyway and Natsume passes out, as all people inexperienced with romance do (I wonder what effect his alice would have on Natsume later in the story, who is so deeply entrenched in romance that it becomes one of his key motivations).

In all this time, we only see Natsume say one thing, to call Narumi a pervert, and all the information we get about this kid is from Narumi, who calls him a genius and tells Mikan what his alice is. Despite the limited knowledge we have about him now, though, his purpose is served: Mikan is fully freaked out.

Chapter Two

Immediately, Narumi leaves Mikan alone with Natsume at the main headquarters and she’s finally given the chance to panic about her new situation and--to put it frankly--the violence she just witnessed.

My biggest issue with Gakuen Alice as a work in general and Natsume in particular is how cavalier it is with child abuse. I’m not trying to vilify Narumi, but Mikan was perfectly right to be put off by his treatment of Natsume, and I personally am not much reassured by Misaki’s explanations that it was in Natsume’s best interests to be hit. For any victim of child abuse, that line sounds familiar. Yes, Natsume would probably have faced worse if his plan went further, and, yes, Natsume’s berserk button is impossible to switch off, but it still rubs me the wrong way. After all, Narumi was quite cheerful about the whole thing, and maybe that’s what stands out to me more than anything. “Did I hurt your pretty face?” and similar comments said to the child who is frequently beaten by adults at the school don’t seem like good word choices, to put it mildly.

Of course, Narumi has been playing a part this whole time to win over the academy’s trust so that he can enact change from inside, but this has been done at the expense of the students’ trust, especially Natsume’s.

It’s understandable that Natsume has such severe distrust and disdain towards every adult at the school, because they are all either complicit or directly involved in physically abusing him.

Moving on, Misaki makes a bold claim about Natsume that is inconsistent with what we know, having finished the story. Natsume is actually not a repeat offender of trying to escape. Natsume is being held in place by threats against Ruka and his family. Despite his dalliance with naivete this one time, he knows better than to risk his loved one’s safety for irresponsible desires like running away. He has more reason than anyone to want to leave the school, but he knows he can’t and there’s no way he ever would, chronic martyr that he is.

Realistically, this was probably nothing more than just a dumb comment from before Higuchi Tachibana got all the characters fully shored up, just a tiny mistake or plot hole.

When it comes to inconsistencies in media, I like to either disregard them or try to explain them in-universe, and I think I can explain this one this time. Misaki-sensei does not seem like he is fully involved with the higher ups in the academy. He doesn’t seem to have the ESP’s ear, like Narumi does on many occasions. He is just the biology teacher, and doesn’t know the ins and outs of Natsume’s troublemaking. After all, Natsume seems to ditch more classes than he attends, so maybe in Misaki’s mind, the kid is off trying to run away when he should be in bio.

In fact, when he moves on to discuss Natsume’s cat mask, in the manga it is Misaki who tells Mikan to be wary of “black cats”, warning her to stay away. It’s established that the mask is supposed to tamper alices, to “punish” dangerous children by de-powering them for a time until the mask is removed. But Misaki clarifies that the mask is useless on Natsume, whose alice is so strong, he could overpower even the mask. The mask is yet another example of physical abuse, actually, because it’s later revealed that it sends electric shocks, giving Natsume a persistent headache and keeping him in pain and in line.

So instead of trying to guide potentially dangerous students into better controlling their powers and emotions, you ostracize them and use them as child soldiers? Yeah, that makes sense.

It’s also, as Misaki puts it, a “red flag” to denote a dangerous child. Stay away is the message you’re supposed to get from the mask, ostracizing “dangerous” children from their peers and essentially “othering” them. More maliciously is that the mask is Natsume’s mission uniform. That is the face that the academy’s enemies see, so much so that he is simply known as the “Black Cat” in those circles, and as Reo later says, a nickname spoken in fear and awe. After all, it’s supposed to be used for alice restriction and punishment, and that’s what he wears when he’s supposed to be at his most powerful. It’s almost as though the academy is extra cruel for no reason other than for the pizazz.

The chat Misaki has with Mikan is pretty informative, and she acts as discoverer for us, finding out all these facts about Natsume and the academy, much of which we’ll get into when we explore her perspective, but for now, one of the most important things to take away from the conversation is Misaki’s comment that once Natsume is set off, he is impossible to calm down. This is foreshadowing, as Natsume will be set off within the first volume, the first arc, and it’s a crucial part of Mikan’s full introduction to him.

It’s also an interesting and consistent part of his character, and throughout the story it’s established that there are buttons you simply don’t press unless you want to get barbecued. For a boy who’s been forced into early adulthood and employs way more restraint and responsibility than a child ever should, it’s interesting to see him shed all maturity and reason whenever he’s set off.

Misaki leaves to the greenhouse, urging Mikan to press the emergency button if Natsume were to wake up.

And now is perhaps as good a time as any to properly meet Natsume, who wakes up and flings Mikan on to the couch.

A meet-cute! Or... nevermind...

So, to be entirely honest this next scene is supposed to be funny. Mikan is flung onto the couch and under attack by this dangerous black cat boy and at first it’s kinda scary! Then Ruka comes and it just becomes a little bullying episode! He takes her underwear off, how hilarious! There’s honestly not much more substance to the scene than that, as disappointing as that might be. Higuchi Tachibana herself merely explains it by establishing that he’s a pervert, and that’s all we have to run with for analysis. All it’s for is to make Natsume and Mikan enemies.

All that needed to be done to establish that though is an unpleasant encounter, and it could've been replaced with any other action and resulted in the same animosity. It is what it is though, and I can't change it so...

Moving on, the threat of possible discipline for his escape is eliminated once an ally (Ruka, who brings him security), and more pressing threats than Mikan (teachers) arrive, so he is able to run away and seek refuge from Class B, where he and Ruka pretend like nothing happened. Their escape attempt did not pan out at all, Natsume is not getting that letter, not that he ever was, and all they can do now is sit in their chaotic classroom.

Chapter Three

We see Natsume again when Mikan makes her Class B debut, perhaps an hour or so later. Mikan reacts to their second meeting with anger and high emotion--as is to be expected--and is only made angrier by Natsume and Ruka’s complete apathy.

The next thing we learn about Natsume, sadly, is that Natsume is considered something like a boss in Class B, and Mikan shouldn’t be expecting any support from a group that idolizes Natsume so much.

The rest of Class B rallies to bully Mikan, while Natsume sits there expressionless. It’s interesting to imagine this scene through his perspective, tricky as it might be, to imagine that there is a divide he is constantly living, between life-or-death missions and the reliable chaos of his homeroom class. Despite being the boss, despite being “Natsume-san”, he is really not emotionally invested in any of these antics. If anything, it’s just a way to pass the time.

They stopped paying attention at some point.

He doesn’t even say much throughout the confrontations, choosing instead to watch his classmates torture her on his behalf. It really only gets interesting to him when he discovers that Mikan was given a condition for her entry: she has to be accepted by Class B in order to officially enroll.

In your first read-through, you might find such a clause to be ridiculous, but since there’s so many bizarre happenings at this school, you might take it in stride as just another weird thing in a weird place. Reading again, or being Natsume, you’d know better: there was never a clause to begin with. That was a lie from Narumi, just one in a series of manipulations he makes to stir trouble in the academy like he promised Yuka.

The truth is that Mikan has an alice, but Narumi wants to see one last exhibit of proof, and even more he wants to see what happens when hers comes head to head with Natsume’s alice. He makes it clear that he knew Natsume would challenge Mikan, which he does, and that the challenge would allow Mikan to discover her alice, which it does. Narumi immediately pairs them together, and narratively speaking they’re already set up together. He calls Mikan Natsume’s “key”, and the reader should file that information away and see what he means by that.

Natsume knows the condition is a ruse. You’re either an alice, or you’re not, and there’s no way the school would take the chance to miss capturing another magical child to keep. All these games for one girl stand out, and the fact that Natsume couldn’t use his alice on her is even more reason for these events to be out of the ordinary, so he has no choice but to pay attention and get involved.

With that, Natsume sends Mikan on a mission to the Northern Woods with her friends as guides, knowing full well that the forest is off limits to students and that it harbors some dangers that may help prompt Mikan into using her alice.

Even Ruka is confused by all the effort Natsume is going to for this new kid, and Natsume brushes the confusion off.

Natsume and Ruka like playing cards with Usagi-chan!

Chapter Four

Mikan, Hotaru and Iinchou have a conversation about Natsume while on their mission, and several things are brought up--namely that he has a grudge against the school, has only one friend, and that he is rumored to be a murderer.

This makes a few things clear for us, but prompts new questions as well.

First, we see more proof that Natsume hates the academy, but more than anything it’s a reiteration of what Misaki said: that he causes trouble and has an incredibly powerful alice. We still aren’t sure of what the reason for his hatred might be, but we can see it’s potent.

Secondly, he has only one friend. That calls to question the horde of apologists and fans he has in Class B, and what he would classify them as, if they’re not his friends. He doesn’t talk to them, or really hang out with them. They hang around him, and this seems to have been consistent throughout his childhood. Even back when he first met Ruka, he had developed a following at that school too, including boys trying to emulate him and girls with crushes on him. Natsume has a magnetic presence, boosted by his powerful alice and general disregard for rules. But despite always being surrounded by people, he only has one friend, Ruka, who truly understands him and that he views as trustworthy.

Third, he’s rumored to be a murderer. Narratively, we already know Natsume is dangerous, on account of his alice and his troublemaking, but to be a murderer is on a whole other level. What this sort of rumor means for Natsume, knowing the true story behind why he had to come to the academy and what that rumor is based on, is the question worth asking here. How does it feel giving up everything just to have people fear you and spread horrible gossip about you? And all the while, you’re just a child? People either entirely adore or abhor Natsume with very little room in between, and he’s well aware of the effect he has. It’s probably the reason he only has one friend despite all the admirers: Ruka is the only one who knows what Natsume really did, who understands Natsume the way nobody else does, and who doesn’t admire him without reason.

This is their wanted poster.

My point bringing all this up is that in Chapter Four we’re given the information that Natsume is absurdly lonely. He’s misunderstood by admirers and enemies alike and yet has very little chance to sit with his own thoughts because he’s always surrounded by people, or being sent on missions. The only thing Natsume can count on, and the only thing at this whole school that Natsume cares about is Ruka.

And then Natsume finds out that Ruka is heading in the direction of the Northern Woods.

Conclusion

Natsume is introduced as a character, but using Mikan's perspective for this analysis would be tricky and counter-productive. It's easier instead to use all the knowledge we have of him from the whole story so the meta can be more thorough. The first few chapters and his backstory help establish Natsume as a traumatized, miserable, and cold child with only friend he can trust. We learn why he hates the teachers and the academy. Overall, he seems like a tough egg to crack. He is only going to get tougher in the next few chapters, and that's not at all romantic but we're getting there. This is all a set up!

Stay tuned for the next segment (which I'll post soon) about the next couple chapters. I wanted to go volume by volume but I'm running out of room for pics and the next chapter is kinda heavy in content so unfortunately I don't get my way. Thanks for reading!

Next ->

[thedouglastrap]

Something about this post is bugging me, but every time I to put my finger on it, I feel like the reason slips away. So I think I'll just try to sort through it here and see where that leads me.

Mechanical changes impacting play style makes sense, but I think I question the cause and effect here. Because the rules mentioned that "encouraged the GM to think of monsters as real living creatures", morale and reaction rolls, are things that seem (to me at least) less about making these monsters seem real and more about adding more angles to introduce randomness to random encounters. If a random aboleth shows up while you're walking from point A to point B, a reaction roll is a quick and dirty way to see how they view the players, but it doesn't account for what an aboleth is. Similarly, a morale roll is giving a method beyond the DM just making an arbitrary ruling sans dice. That's not to say that a good DM can't use the roll to breathe some life into an encounter, of course, but I don't know if I would say those rules being removed/put in the flavor rather than made a general rule was a primary contributor to a greater emphasis on combat, or if that was even an intentional design choice.

(as a side note: looking up what reaction rolls actually were were, I stumbled onto a blog about the whole OSR thing in ttrpgs, and decided to go down the rabbit hole for a bit. It seems like a lot of the conclusions being drawn in this post are close to issues raised over there, but they tend to include AD&D2e as a point where the shift happened, making it less a TSR/WotC difference)

Now, if there IS a greater focus on combat in that shift, I think it's probably due to the game getting crunchier over time during that shift. 2e seemed to start it off with a wide variety of optional rules, and 3.x cemented it. But notably, it did this for non-combat as well, which makes me think that it was less a design choice to make things more combat oriented and more to provide comprehensive rules, with combat being the most fleshed out part in service to the whole heroic adventure aesthetic.

I think one of the biggest issues I'm running into is the following point about how encounters have to be these justified forced combat encounters and the dissonance this can provide. I think part of that is because that conclusion just doesn't match up with the reality I was seeing playing 3.x or seeing other people talking about it. Not to say combat wasn't the focus, but plenty of non-combat encounters happened, enemies ran away, scenarios were derailed by roleplay rather than combat, etc. And sure, that's anecdotal, but I think it's relevant. The game does, after all, provide individual sections for monsters giving a basic rundown of what the creature is. Some are more bare-bones than other, but when Archons are listed as "never attacking first, but being easily provoked", that's a pretty clear indicator that forced combat should not be the default assumption. If players ignore that, sure, but that's no different than ignoring reaction rolls imo.

The real difference, I think, is the afforementioned shift from a focus on an open world where the party has more freedom to explore and do whatever they want while the world happens around them, to a focus on more structured narratives where the players are characters in a story that is unfolding around them. Its a shift away from "well the dice say there's an aggressive dragon swooping in, have fun with that" towards "I planned out the encounter you're gonna run into between startersville and plotlandia". That also kinda follows from the idea of encounter balance. Having a random dragon swoop in on a third level party isn't a balanced encounter unless the DM goes out of their way to make it one, but that takes more time and prep than rolling a few dice and opening to a statblock can account for. And yes, planned encounters like this can, if done poorly, just be a shooting gallery of forced fights with thin justifications. It could also be well crafted encounters where you could talk down the goblins instead of fighting by opening trade negotiations.

The play style that the difference in design encourages isn't so much "fight all the things vs treat your enemies like actual living things" as it is "how structured do you want this game to be", which is ultimately value-neutral. And the moral disconnect about what you're fighting seems like an entirely separate thing from that. Neither style inherently encourages or discourages that, and it feels uncharitable to say that WotC-era d&d is more skewed to be morally uncomplicated than TSR-era.

So there is a pretty clear shift in playstyle between TSR D&D and WotC D&D: for better and for worse, D&D 3e introduced the idea of encounter balance, de-emphasized mechanics that had previously encouraged the GM to think of the monsters as real living creatures (reaction rolls, morale, etc.), and it had the effect of making D&D a much more combat-focused game. D&D has always been a game that's opinionated about combat, it's basically the most expressive and detailed form of play regardless of edition, but combat in the TSR editions was not exactly zoomed in and tactical. The WotC editions purposefully made combat zoomed in, granular, and tactical.

And this has had an effect on playstyle: since combat is now the main form of player expression what players actually want is for their characters to get into combat. Because combat is the most fun part of the game. But the game has also changed from the largely amoral dungeon-crawling game into a game of fantasy heroics (even though a lot of the trappings of the amoral dungeon-crawling still remain, which contributes to the dissonance), so you can't just have the player characters going into combat for the sake of it. That would frame the player characters as kind of Fucked Up, and we can't have that in our supposedly heroic fantasy.

What you end up with is a variety of contrivances like "they're bandits," "they're cultists," or, my all-time favorite, "they attacked first" to make the action seem morally justifiable, even though gameplay is still motivated by a desire to fight. The monsters fight to the death and, importantly, can often not be reasoned and negotiated with, partly because combat is supposed to be the fun, engaging part everyone is here to do, but also because if they actually acted like reasonable people it could cause dissonance with the whole "the player characters are the goodest heroes."

As my friend @tenleaguesbeneath once called it: what is actually going on is that the player characters are hunting people and monsters who have been programmed to fight to the death and never negotiate for sport, while justifying it as self-defence.

It's a simple power fantasy, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Sometimes you want to play a morally uncomplicated game about killing guys with cool magic swords. But I think it's also fun to think about what the specific types of monsters players end up fighting reveals about Society the invisible, unexamined ideology lying under the surface that the designers of even modern D&D have failed to examine. And to me it often reads like a frontier justice fantasy. None of that is to detract from anyone's joy of the game, and for me it's just fun to think about and post about this stuff while Still Enjoying the Game, but if someone expressing that opinion makes you feel uncomfortable, why? That's pretty silly imo.