#i'll be okay i'm really just posting to ask for virtual hugs

[teiasviago]

i couldn't drop the class but i did withdraw from it and now i'm skipping my other class today because i haven't been able to stop crying for more than 15 minutes at a time!

[fluffytriceratops]

I am DESPERATE for some 2k3 Donatello dating headcanons, literally give me anything PLEASE I AM OBSESSED

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 - 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 [𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑]

notes: i gotchu bestie. <3 lemme know if you guys want these for the other 2k3 turts as well! :D also sorry for taking literal ages to get this request done for you! thank you sm for requesting i hope you have a wonderful day/night! <3

warnings: brief nsfw mentions, mature language, 

tags: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @leosgirl82 @rheawritesforfun @s-s-ironnie @post-apocalyptic-daydream @mysticboombox @drowninghell @lec743 @raphielover  @raphslovemuffin80 @squirrelfurs @bibiz82 @pheradream-15 @kikithedreamerwriter @m1dnyt3-w0lf @scholastic-dragon @moonsua1 [if i've forgotten anyone i'm so sorry please comment or dm me and let me know and i'll add you right away so i don't forget in the future!]

(if you would like to be tagged in my future tmnt x reader related work, feel free to let me know and i'll happily add you!)

i love you all sm! i'm sending all the virtual hugs and well wishes to you!! <33

---

- as usual, 2003 donnie has an obsession with coffee. so if you get this mans some coffee expect an INSTANT marriage proposal. [honestly what ver of donnie doesn't have a coffee addiction?] 

- likes to do your hair. it's calming to him and helps him think. hes watched a lot of youtube videos and stuff for it, so he knows what he's doing too. he likes to try new styles n stuff on you. everyone knows when he's particularily stressed or can't seem to figure something out because you seem to have a new hairsyle everyday until he's fixed whatever it is that's bugging him, 

- will also handmake beads and stuff to put in your hair. <3 

- makes jewelry for you, esp out of silverware and other things. it always turns out so beautifully. 

- late night drives. donnie has insomnia and his brain works a lot during the night/evening. so expect to hang out a lot with him during this time. driving at night at new york is super pretty and peaceful too. esp when it's just the two of you. [so long as you don't mind the hectic city hehe-]

- cuddling with him while he works. includes sleeping on him/in his lab when he works really late into the night. he'll later carry you to bed. 

- painting on his shell/body for funzies. and if he does the same to you don't expect it to look too great because 2k3 donnie can't draw for shit. 

- donnie will gift you homemade cards with stick figures on the cover cuz again he cant draw but he knows you'll adore it no matter what just because he made it. plus you think its funny as hell and he adores your laugh. 

- hes actually really good at photography. and he has loads of pictures of you. you two go out and take pictures together sometimes. it's always a lot of fun. and they always turn out great. 

- late night talking sessions are a normal for you. 

- donatello tries his best to get you to sleep at a decent time, but sometimes you'll refuse if he isn't coming to bed with you just to get him to go to sleep earlier. he'll probably lay with you for a while, unable to actually sleep. maybe he'll read or listen to music to help pass the time. sometimes he will also sneak back out of bed once you've fallen asleep, and when you catch him you give him a good talking to. 

- he really needs to take better care of himself. he's always putting those he cares for above himself. so you're always there to make sure he's okay and that he's doing what he needs to do to be happy and healthy. 

- you guys hardly ever fight. donnie isn't one to argue with you. he's a very gentle and kind soul. he rarely raises his voice. (but when he does you find it hot as FUCK- lets be honest--) 

- fix it felix. always fixes things for you, even if you dont ask it of him. if he's at your place and notices something needs to be fixed he'll just do it for you. even if you insist he doesn't have to, he will anyway because he loves you. it brings him joy. and honestly, you should just let him because it probably stresses him out a little thinking about how your door isn't closing properly or your car sounds funny or your light keeps flickering- 

- you like to prank him on occassion, this includes the whole "i filled my tank with the special gas-" or "i let them put premium air in my tires and they gave me a really good deal". it freaks and stresses him out, at least in the moment hehe. its very funny but keep in mind he'll get you back. 

- him reading to you sfghfdgkjhdfg (id die please-) esp if you have trouble sleeping or something. 

- coffee dates are a must. even if you dont drink coffee. 

- donnie napping curled up on your chest/on top of you. you tracing the grooves of his shell. you've learned he finds this very comforting and it helps him fall asleep. 

- hes a definite switch- lmao.

- very gentle and understanding. he's like your personal diary or therapist and you're the same for him. 

[bluestjayy]

Life update:

I didn't make my deadline.

After approximately 200 applications, only 6 (first stage) interviews, 3 (second stage interviews), and more rejections than I could cope with some days, I unfortunately haven't been able to find a job since being laid off in September. This means I can no longer stay in my apartment. Which. Sucks.

I'm lucky enough to have my parents to fall back on, so I'll be moving back to their bungalow until I can find something to support me and save up enough money to come back to the city, so that's something. But it's also not going to be great for me while I'm there.

My hometown is an incredibly small mining town in the rural north-east, it's ridiculously close minded and conservative. I'm not out to any of my family for this reason, so I am for sure signing up for a minimum of a year being misgendered and stomaching casual bigotry from everyone I'm surrounded by.

And I love my parents, but our relationship isn't the best. They have a lot of really unhealthy, toxic, and occasionally abusive behaviours, and the way they treat each other and me is really... well it's not always good. Which is part of the reason I not only moved out but to a city that's 3 hours away in the first place. Their home is not intended for anyone but the two of them, it is incredibly small, and I will be living in a second room that only fits a camp bed and a small desk with very little privacy as this room is also where some of the utilities are. It's something, and I am so lucky to have this option at all vs complete homelessness. But I also know the toll this is all going to take on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I have already had to start looking at my current possessions, over 4 years of the life I built here, and decide which parts I get to keep and which I now have to leave behind.

Being back there is going to be... I don't know. I get into dark places whenever I go home for the holidays for a few days so living there again... I really don't know.

I guess the only thing keeping me going is the idea I will be able to come back to the city I'm in right now, the one I call home, eventually. It's just going to take some time.

And I have a plan, I am already job hunting for remote roles I can do back there, I'm open to taking on two or three if necessary, and I've started working on opening an Etsy store for some of my crafting creations that may also help me fundraise the money to leave a lot faster. Perhaps I'll even consider commissions again.

But it's definitely going to be a long long year getting myself back on my feet again.

One of the only upsides currently is how much time I have to be working on fic and art (whenever the muse allows me!) so that's something I guess haha.

Anyway, thoughts and love and support and virtual hugs go a long way for me rn, and if you're so inclined (absolutely 100% not necessary but every little helps) here is the link to my tip-jar:

Ko-Fi

Even just giving this post a share would really help me right now. Those who know me know I find it really difficult to ask for help even when I'm in desperate need of it but I think, after six weeks of this reality slowly creeping up on me, I have reached a point where I am ready to say I really need it.

The fandom communities I have found myself in the last year have been an absolute rock for me. And I am so glad I get to be a part of them with you all.

In the end, it will be okay. That's what I have to keep telling myself. Positively rebellious and rebelliously positive.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day and I appreciate you all so much 💛

[simplysedusa]

Hey so I see you talk a lot about the corruption of Townsville on both a political and police/prison level and how villains are treated. I have similar ideas floating around in my head for my fic I'm slowly chipping away at so it's fascinating to see somebody else talk about this. Townsville's police and politicians are canonically shown to be very incompetent and I've always been surprised to see how this is rarely included or dissected within fanon interpretations and stories. I'm curious about a lot of things and don't want to bombard you with questions (worried about being annoying lol), so I'll just ask you one for now:

Where do the Ruffs fall into all this in your head? In fanon interpretations, it's common to see people talk about how the Ruffs were failed on so many fundamental levels. Their creation, being used as weapons and tools as opposed to having their needs met by children (with them often being portrayed as homeless), being subjected to horrific abuse by the police and in prison systems. I feel like people talk about their experiences a lot in fanon, but they don't really dive into them outside of "oh it was traumatic" as opposed to dissecting how horrific Townsville's justice system is, especially for vulnerable groups. Especially in regards to them being paralleled to the Puffs and the (conditional) privileges they have from protecting the city.

I think a more nuanced look at the villains of the show is something I always really appreciate seeing in regards to fanon, wish it was explored more. Excited to see what ideas you end up coming up with, particularly for Sedusa who's tragically underutilized.

I think as the Puffs grow to become more and more critical of the system, the privileges that the do have start to slip and many start to be wary of them like they were in the Movie. The Puff/Ruff species legitimately facing discrimination for who they are as nonhuman inorganic creatures is something I also think should be explored more, and how the Puffs protecting Townsville gives them conditional privileges.

I am overthinking shit to the extreme lol but I love dissecting this show and the potential it has in regards to exploring it's villains and deeper satire about the police/prison industrial complex.

Anon, it is currently December 9th, 2023, sometime past midnight as I'm typing. I want to include a date to this post because it might take me a while to come down from the high I've received from reading this.

Okay, so first of all:

"I love dissecting this show and the potential it has in exploring its villains and deeper satire about the police/prison industrial complex."****

🤝

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! I wish I knew who you were, Anon, because you deserve a virtual hug. It is so nice to feel SEEN. This is the second ask I've ever gotten on this sideblog and it's already one of my favorites, you are not annoying at ALL. Secondly, I have no idea where to start so I'll just dive right into the meat of this question and hope to God that I hit all the talking points that I want to cover lol.

I didn't want to go into too much detail about the Rowdyruff Boys given the fact that they are a few of the main characters of the stories in my head but I'll GLADLY do so here.

In my fics, I have the Rowdyruff Boys adopted by Ms. Keane.

Stay with me on this, PLEASE, lmao. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. She finds them when they're eight years old. They're starving, and powerless; the Chemical X in their bodies are working overtime just to keep them alive as they're on the brink of death...thanks to HIM.

If you want a Puff/Ruff centered fic (or just hero/former villain) to work, regardless of genre, you need redemption and forgiveness. While forgiveness is easier to portray, redemption needs a foundation to build upon. IMO, the only way to do that, would be to get the boys out of the influence of HIM and Mojo Jojo. In these fics of mine, Mojo is a permanent resident of the Townsville Correctional Center (name pending, imagine Arkham Asylum), a newly built prison made, strong enough to contain the Powerpuffs (hint hint, wink wink). Meanwhile HIM leaves the boys high and dry then goes M.I.A after their declaration of not wanting to "destroy the Powerpuff Girls" (If you really look at the post movie scenes of the Rowdyruff Boys, you'll see that at the end of the day, they just want to live life and have fun in their own diabolical way. You can even see this in Bubble Boy when Bubbles, disguised as Boomer ((iirc, it was either her or Butch)) suggests to blow stuff up and Brick replies "Nah, we blew a bunch of stuff up yesterday". These are elementary school aged boys, eventually, they're going to get bored and no amount of hate toward the Powerpuff Girls is going to change that). The boys being adopted by Ms. Keane, lays down a certain groundwork to start from; they need some sort of positive, older female influence in their lives that aren't the Powerpuff Girls or other love interests (especially to begin challenging their post movie misogyny). Plus, I also think they'll challenge her to not view the world as black and white as she occasionally tends to, and she's one of the only canon characters I think who would actually give them a chance.

Being adopted for them also means having to deal with: ✨ Townsville's Child Welfare System✨

And if The Mayor and the police are anything to go by, I'd imagine it isn't great (and now thinking about it, looking at Mitch's family issues that I mentioned, we see that the welfare system is SHIT lol) (Hell, you can take one step further and look at Jack Wednesday, the incompetent truant officer who's definitely their parole officer now). Ms. Keane wants to get legal guardianship over the boys after caring for them for however long, and I can see whoever's in charge of that wanting the boys to answer for the crimes they've committed against the city first. Long story short, it's a quiet case, as to not upset the citizens of Townsville, and the boys have to live in a group home for two years before Ms. Keane is granted her guardianship. For one, it's a confinement of sorts without having to jail them *(because as Ms. Bellum, Ms.K's lawyer, puts it, they are children and victims of circumstance), but most importantly, this allows the city to test out Professor Utonium's newest **(and most reluctant) invention: Antidote X handcuffs.

It sucks. They're subjected to religious zealots who condemn the boys as demonic abominations for coming back to life (as if it's their fault), weirdos with a superiority complex over kids, short tempered adults who hit first and ask questions never, other bullies in kids who are also victims of circumstance, and they're powerless. And honestly, aside from MAYBE the Powerpuff Girls, who believe the boys are M.I.A, and Ms. Keane, who'd care enough about their condition to make a stink about it?

So once they're finally out into the real world, having to spend an extra few years in house arrest, watching people tremble in their wake feels nice. And they (mostly and especially Brick) can't wait to blow this sorry ass popsicle stand known as Townsville once they're 18. They're not under Mojo's or HIM's thumb anymore but they're still mean, cold, rebellious, snarky, and conniving. And even if the newest girls in school, the Powerpuffs, don't see it yet, who could blame them? (This is only for one specific fic, keep in mind.)

Something I feel is highly overlooked in these types of fics would be the outside perception of the relationships between the Puffs and Ruffs, whether that be platonic or romantic. Because, sure, in a perfect world, everyone would see them hanging out and think the girls would be such a good influence on the boys, who would finally start to turn their lives around. However, we've seen time and time again that the city of Townsville has turned against the girls (and the girls against Townsville, Buttercup assaulted numerous albeit criminal, citizens to exchange their teeth for money, Blossom stole a set of $1000 golf clubs, Bubbles released an entire zoo into town, and they masterminded the robbery of a toy store with the Professor, as well as comply with the robberies of Femme Fatale, not to mention what happened in the movie), and there's no doubt in my mind that there'd be quite a few citizens who'd see any of the boys with any of the girls and think that their "villainous ways" are contagious and that the girls are being manipulated yet again. I could see this as a slow starting point for the said privileges to be revoked.

The parallels between the Puffs and Ruffs are CRAZY too. You have the Rowdyruff Boys, who never successfully killed the girls (granted they are still villains but their only "bone to pick" with society is the Powerpuff Girls)***, treated as scum of the earth for being kids listening to two of the worst possible role models ever. Then, you have the Powerpuff Girls, who've committed crimes and killed the Rowdyruff Boys once before, living life on a pedestal with their amazing dad and loving support system. Sure, you have the Powerpuff Girls reel in the Rowdyruff Boys to the "good side" by showing them that they're not as evil as people believe them to be and that they deserve to be treated as citizens. BUT, you also have the Rowdyruff Boys showing the Powerpuff Girls that they're only given this camaraderie as long as they continue to be used as tools for every inconvenience the city faces, that the city is taking advantage of their people pleasing ways (which no one ever talks about), and that they deserve to live their lives.

*I didn't speak on this before, but I also headcanon Ms. Bellum attending law school, passing the bar exam in flying colors, as sort of a back-up plan. It couldn't hurt to know the law if you're planning on working in politics, she's just that bitch. I'd like to think she took the case pro-bono as a way to make it up to herself for not doing the same for her estranged niece (granted, her father's money and connections got Princess acquitted of all her crimes and a court ordered therapist, but Ms. Bellum would've defended her in a heartbeat regardless).

**This is also another headcanon I haven't touched on yet. There has to be someone in the governing office of Townsville who realized that these girls are practically unstoppable and that they needed a backup plan in case they choose to "turn on [them]". As an agreement to "allow the girls to save the day", Professor Utonium invented three things: 1.) Antidote X handcuffs, which are regular handcuffs with spikes on the inside to inject the user with Antidote X, rendering them powerless, 2.) Mini Dynamos, smaller robot versions of Dynamo to operate like robocops, and 3.) Help with the construction of the new prison.

***Yes they're still villains who've caused massive damage to the city, but they're only ever worried about the Powerpuff Girls. If they were as evil as their creators, they'd have killed every innocent civilian in their path. As far as we know, the Powerpuff Girls have a higher body count than the Rowdyruff Boys do. An INTENTIONAL body count, might I add.

****I wasn't gonna say anything, because this is long enough as is and I could do a whole essay alone on this but YES EXACTLY. It's very interesting how these criminals in the show commit some atrocious acts (theft, vandalism, attempted murder, crime of treason, kidnapping, assault, life endangerment, etc.), yet they're always released. 🐸☕

LMAO, that's it for now. If you have any other questions, I'll be happy to elaborate in another post.

[sesshy380]

Do you have any fic recs you can pass along to us? :3

Oh, wow. This is kinda a hard one to answer, but it all depends on what kind of fic recs you're looking for? I'll warn you, a lot of my recs come with their own fair share of TW/CW.

I have a TONS of fics that I absolutely love! Most are from the same authors too! I'm going to start by sharing a list of the authors I have on sub. Virtually EVERYTHING by these authors are well worth the time to read.

atlas_x - If you like smut, look no further than Atlas lol. I am addicted to their smutfics. Their recent zombie apocalypse fic Infected only has 2 chapters atm (and not as smut focused...yet), but I am absolutely in love with it.

BladeofM - The first work I ever read from BladeofM was Eldritch Encounter. Not only did this fic then introduce me to the indescribable awesomeness that is @andr0nap's art, but I fell in love with BladeofM's writing style. All I need to see is the name and I knwo it'll be good.

QueenBastet - You would have to be living under a rock to have not read any of QueenBastet's work. I can't pick just one AU by this amazing author.

Resuri - This is one author I will read new stuff at the speed of inbox notif! Everything they write leaves me wanting to smash that main keyboard row! I seriously need some plushies for the Conspire group, because I just need to hug them bitches every time I finish reading a new chapter or fic.

Those are just my main subscribed authors. Next I have a few fave fics outside of everything those authors write. These are 'longfics' in a sense. I, personally, love getting invested in longfics.

The Cornered Collection by YadonushiRyou. This AU has an alternative 'bad' ending that ripped my heart out and made me cry...and that's my favorite ending for some reason. If you love your fics in the same genre that Ryou loves his movies, then this is for you.

Role Play AU by Ninjam117. I have always loved fantasy, and this AU hits the spot. Filled with everything a fantasy fic needs: Magic, a Unicorn, battles filled with action, romance/smut, you name it.

The Last Puzzle - by Tenderwulf. I originally binged this over on FFN, and was so inspired that I took the leap and began writing my own longfic. If you've read 'Homecoming' by Fiver over on FFN, you'll love The Last Puzzle.

Philosophy of a Knife by crushedmary. Not really a longfic atm, but it's getting there. Their writing style is so poetic. I absolutely love it!

Kill Shot by MMMOTH- Another AU that I absolutely love. I am such a fan of immortality and magic in a modern setting. And of course, there's smut. Gotta have that smut in there.

Chained to You by SaijSpellheart. A post-season Zero setting where Yugi never learned about the Spirit of the Puzzle. This is another of those longfics that I originally binged over on FFN, and now have bookmarked on AO3.

Okay, I could go on and on, but then I would be here all night lol. Asking me for fic recs without giving me something specific that you're looking for is like walking into a library and asking what the librarian recommends without specifying a genre. You get trapped in the library lol.

Before I end this, I'm going to throw two self-recs onto this list. These are two fics of my own that I absolutely love to reread, and have gotten great comments on both.

Returned - Gemshipping fic where TKB comes back to life and catches a cold.

White Lady - Small look into my longfic AU, but can be read stand-alone. TKB is an immortal elemental that finds himself in an odd predicament.

[cherryblossombombs]

WAIT, I have a extra fic idea on "how inko responded to izuku coming out" and the how memory looked. Not the full story but little snapshots of how the whole story would go (warning on some homophobia). if someone could fill in the gaps and post it on Ao3/tumblr, I would love that and virtually/spiritually give you good vibes.✨️✨️

it would be one day at primary (or like kindergarten/1st grade) school

It's recess and all the kids are playing.

katsuki and his friends decide to play a game called "heroes and villains" where one player is the hero and has to chase the other player, who play's the villain.

Katsuki automatically says that he's playing hero since he has the coolest quirk and two of his friends can be the villains.

Katsuki decides that since izuku is the quirkless, he going to obviously need him to saved him and says that izuku will be playing his girlfriend how got kidnapped by the villain

Izuku begins to blush and says that "but I'm a boy and bfs and gfs have to hug and hold hands"

katsuki gets annoyed "you got a problem with that deku?"

"n-no"

"good. besides, you're quirkless and need to be saved by someone cool like me, now go find a flower to put in your stupid head so it looks more convincing"

"o-okay"

Izuku goes to find a flower in the grass (he's tries to find the best one, so kacchan can be impressed with him)

the teacher finds izuku searching in the grass alone, sighs and goes up to him

"izuku, what did I you about searching for insects? I thought you were going to work on that?"

"oh, hi senpai! no, not this time! I'm looking for a flower to wear for kacchan"

"why would he make you do that?"

"because we're playing heroes and villains, and he said that I could play his girlfriend!"

"Izuku, you can't do that"

"what?"

"You can't play to be katsuki's girlfriend. It's bad enough that you're quirkless. boys can't be other boys girlfriends"

"but, kacchan said it was oka-"

"Katsuki is just trying to humiliate you. You are too young to think about things like that"

izuku would to begin to get upset. he really wants to hold kacchans hand and senpai is not letting him do it. "but I want to-"

"I'm going to katsuki, and telling him to stop embarrassing you, I'll go find him a girl for him to play his girlfriend"

After that I can see izuku starting to tear up "b-but, I-I want to--"

"Now Izuku, don't make me put you in time out for taking back to me." she takes his arm and starts going back to the building "you should stop hanging with that boy, he's not a good influence for you. I should find you other quirkless kids for you to play with, and--"

After that I can see izuku starting crying and trying to force his arm out of the teachers hand.

The teacher would try to calm him down and say that he's being troublesome.

Izuku wouldn't stop crying and now it started to get the attention of the other kids.

The teacher would end up giving in and letting go of izuku's arm "FINE! go get made fun of. Don't say I didn't warn you"

Izuku would finally calm down and start running back to katsuki. However, I can see izuku stopping in his tracks and start thinking about what the teacher said. was she right about katsuki? Are they going to make fun of him if he wears the flower and hold katsuki's hand? Is kacchan being mean to him again?

Izuku feels like she may be right. He is the only quirkless student and kacchan is mean to him. Kacchan does call him deku. He feels like he should go apologize to her and save himself from being humiliated.

After recess izuku runs into kacchan later. Kacchan looks at him angry. He tells izuku to leave him alone and not to talk to him. "He's being mean to me again" Izuku says to himself trying to hold back tears.

When his mom picks him up later, on the drive home, his mom asks "the teacher told me that you threw a tantrum earlier. She said that katsuki was trying to make fun of you for agreeing to play his girlfriend". izuku doesn't say anything, he just continues to look out the window sad. After a while, his mother puts her hand on izuku's shoulder. "I don't want you to think, I'm upset either. I know and katsuki just wanted to play. It seems like you really wanted to be his girlfriend, and that's fine. I don't think he was making fun of you. In fact, his mother told me earlier that katsuki was upset that you left and didn't play the game with him. It seems that he wanted you to play with him. Don't think it's you're fault."

so kacchan was just angry because he thought that he ditched him?izuku thought to himself. Izuku starts to feel a little better.

Inko whispers to herself "I should give that woman (teacher) a piece of my mind for making him cry"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Annnnnd that's how Inko knew that her son had a crush on katsuki. I may continue with this, but this was just a "What if" type of thing.

I haven't done a short fic idea like this since like 2018/19. What y'all think? (Well actually this is the first time I actually typed and finished it. Usually I either lose interest in the middle of it and delete or forget/get too lazy to continue in the drafts lol)

[jamieaiken919]

Hey bestie, I saw under one of the posts you reblogged that you've been pretty down on yourself lately, and I just wanted to hop in and say that everything will be okay 💖

I know this seems really out of the blue, but I want you to know that. If I know anything, a wise person once told me that no matter what happens, everything will work out, no matter how long it seems to take

And if you ever need anything, know you can always talk to me if it comes to that /gen

Sending you a virtual hug and a peepaw (which will be sent in another ask because I don't have any pictures on hand I'll have to go get one)

Everything will be okay, friend 💖💖💖

(Sorry if this seems very out of nowhere, I'm just in an affectionate mood and I wanna show some appreciation for my friends since I feel I don't do that enough. So I wanted to offer some comfort, I hope it helps with whatever you have goin on)

🥺🥺🥺

THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭 I’m usually okay but for some reason today I’ve just been feeling the Big Sad™️ heavier than usual

BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU AND YOUR AMAZINGLY SWEET WORDS

[baby-dr1ver]

Hey I was the anon who said in my last ask that I'll be aggressively stalking you for your fics and maybe I feel a lil bad now. I really like your work but I just want to say that your health and well being comes before all this, and I wish you take care of yourself and not feel pressured to post just because.

And I hope you know how good of a writer you are, and probably an amazing amazing person too, and how much we admire you. You can change the Daniel one if its not upto the mark for you but nothing you've written so far has been less than phenomenal!!

Maybe I don't make too much sense with this but I hope you feel better about yourself and see the star that you are. Virtual hugs and bisous 😘

okay stop this right now because I'm crying. I didn't see this in my inbox until today and you have no idea how much I needed this.

please don't ever feel bad for that! I was so happy people were liking my fics and that you wanted more! I think I just got a little ahead of myself, and that's not your fault.

thank you for your kind words <3 you have no idea how much I needed it.

[captainaikus]

Hello!! Just wanted to check in to ask if everything’s alright? You haven’t posted on either blogs for a bit so yeah. I hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself love!!! *sends many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Starry !! (i was literally thinking abt Kazutora and I. am. loving. your new pfp !! ૮꒰ ˊᗜˋ ꒱ა) ik i've been offline for a bit ( i'm sorry for worrying you and I'll announce before disappearing like that ..>﹏<..— things are getting pretty busy for me this week. Got a big project at the end of this month and a test tomorrow ) *fingers crossed that i do well 🤞🏻* And since my roommate left, I had to do chores (including theirs) cause we split work — and I was also studying my ass off; literally finished studying from 3 different books for my test And cause of that i was really exhausted at the end of the day to answer asks or type anything. And i decided why not take a break for a day or two?

So i did and it felt... weird but kinda good break — ended up watching 2 psychological horror movies and I'm getting ideas from that @_@ *looks at yandere Nagi wip i have in mind* yeah i think this one's kinda hot

[eunoiaaaivy]

a small fracture of hope

Emperor! akashi seijuro x reader summary: this small fracture of hope you had was ignited. warning/s: historical au, flashbacks, talks about trauma, trauma itself, abuse, angst, fluff, hurt with comfort (please message me if I missed something.) notes: should I make a part two?

this post contains sensitive topics such as trauma and abuse. if you're uncomfortable with those topics, please skip this post. thank you for understanding. <3

I'm very sorry for those who experienced this. you are very strong for reaching this far. just know you are loved from me and I hope you know I'll listen to you if you wanna talk about it. I may not know the full feeling of it but please reach out to someone. I know it's not easy and I completely understand that. take your time with yourself and I hope I could help you in your process of healing. I love you guys, always.

upon pressing continue reading, you are here by agreeing that you want to read this post. please be reminded that this contains sensitive topics. you are warned.

the flashbacks coming back hurts. those flashbacks that you were tormented by. it wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. it's hard to let go of those particular images. remembering the expectations. remembering all that trauma from your family.

waking up in cold sweat and in tears as you once again dreamt of the things that happened in your household before you married akashi. the trauma is still there. the images were burnt in your mind. the hurtful words carved inside your heart. and the scars they left were embedded in you.

it was the worst feeling ever. it was like you were tied to them. never to be freed from. those days you were in anguish and pain. all because of your family. the torment that you feel everytime you remember those. the nightmares you have almost every night was stressful as heck.

"you useless child! this is why you'll never be as perfect as Duke Lastrella's child" your mother said while slapping you hard.

"how could my daughter be so bothersome!? i'm sure as heck Duchess penelope's child wouldn't be like this!" your father said while hitting you multiple times.

"why is it that you're like that!? my dear sibling tell me why!?" your brother yelled infront of your face.

"why aren't you like her!?"

"why are you like that!?"

"you're so shameful! you should be ashamed!

"can't you be any more useless!?"

"you're not my child!

"you're really nothi-"

"okay love, breathe. I'm here love. I'm all your's. they can't hurt you anymore." the calming voice of seijuro's broke you out of your trance. he wiped your tears away and comforted you. hugging you and kissing your forehead. whispering sweet things in your ear. affirmations that you are safe and is more worth it than they said.

"love, darling, i'm here by your side. they can't hurt you anymore." he said.

as your sobs and tears died down, he asked you if you were okay in which you didn't answer at all.

"wanna talk about it? or go to sleep?" he asked you patiently.

"can we just stay here?" you asked.

"if that's what you want love, then you could hug me till you feel better." he responded.

and so that happened and you guys fell asleep. relishing the warmth and comfort of each other. the warm feeling of love and comfort in one person. it was your small fracture of hope that made you want to wake up another day.

to all the people that has experienced this just know you are loved and welcome to talk to me if you are comfortable with it already. virtual hugs. love you guys always <33

@astaaaaa

[one-abuse-survivor]

I am at the point of my life when I really want to run to my parents and share everything Ive accomplished so far and I want them to be proud of me and celebrate with me but they are abusive and don't care and I know if I told them about my achievements they would find a way to make me feel bad about everything and suck the happiness out of everything. I don't know what to do. Its such a child like need to rant to my parents for hours but I know its pointless and it will end badly. Is there a way to relief that urge without actually talking to them? Ranting to my friends doesnt help

It might feel like a child-like need, but I think every adult needs someone to be proud of them for their achievements from time to time, nonnie—especially those of us who never or rarely got that sort of validation growing up.

I think, sometimes, the best thing you can do in these moments is to "parent" yourself. To take a moment to be with just yourself and say to yourself: I'm proud of you.

I know it may sound silly, especially if you don't actually feel proud of yourself, but the way you talk to yourself matters, and your brain hears you when you tell it these things. It might not relieve the urge in the same way that hearing it from your parents would, but it can still relieve it somewhat. And sometimes it even feels more and more relieving the more you do it, because it becomes easier to actually believe those words when you say them.

Same about ranting: it's always worth a shot to have a place for yourself (like a chat or discord server only you have access to) and pour everything out in there. Send yourself voice messages you might never even listen to saying everything you need to say. When you can, take small steps to be the person you need in the moment.

But remember it's always okay to ask for help if you don't feel like you can help yourself. If talking to your friends doesn't help, there are many blogs and online spaces like mine where it's okay to ask for help or just rant. My blog is focused on abuse and trauma, but I hope you know it's here if you need it. If you add a * at the very beginning of a vent, I'll post it without replying, and if you ask me to, I will gladly tell you I'm proud of you, because I truly am. I'm proud of you, nonnie. I'm proud of everything you've achieved and proud of you for realising you have this need for acknowledgement and coming here to ask for help on how to meet your need. It's not easy to need your parents to be proud of you when your parents are abusive, but you're doing your best and you're allowed to be proud of yourself for that.

Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[celine-dreamwall]

Event for a cause | Niall Horan

Summary: Niall's been busy for his performance at The Royal Albert Hall for a cause and Y/N has work on that day what will happened to the both lovers?

"Hon! I have great news to you" Niall said. "What is it?" "I'll be performing at The Royal Albert Hall this November" "Really? When exactly? I mean is it okay to people to watch in this pandemic? Will it be like the seats will be one seat apart but that'll make the like only half of the venue? Y/N asked "No silly it'll be a virtual show" " Wow! That's nice! At last love the long wait is over the fans including me of course can't wait to see you perform and I know you too" Y/N said while she hug Niall "I know! I can't wait either I can perform like I used to do in a venue and with the band again It'll be great." Niall said while still hugging Y/N "I know! I'm not the only one whose watching those performance anymore" Niall put his hands to Y/N shoulders and look her in the eye with one eyebrow up and said "Why? You didn't even need to watch me while playing my instruments and singing in the house" Y/N smile and said "How can't I, You're amazing love and your voice soothes me" Niall's frown turn upside down and kiss Y/N "You really know how to melt me down hon!" Niall said.

"Hon! Tomorrow we will be shooting at The Royal Albert Hall for the previews we are going to post and also for the electronic ticket we will be sending would you like to come?" "Yeah! Sure I would love too." "Ok great!

Niall has been busy shooting for the preview Y/N is just in one seat admiring Niall and when one frame and other scene is done Niall goes to Y/N and she fixes Niall's hair and his collar "That's really great love you look so great and your outfit of choice" Y/N laugh "Are you mocking me Y/N? Huh?!" Niall said "No love hahaha! You look actually adorable" Y/N kisses Niall.

Niall post the preview in his Instagram and Y/N. "Thanks for supporting me Hon" Niall said and kisses Y/N forehead "Everything for you my love I hope the fans will response well but I know it will, We can't wait to see you perform" "So am I" Niall replied.

"Y/N Y/N Y/N" Niall runs to Y/N "Yes Niall what is it?" "We already sold like 90,000 tickets!" "Oh love that's really great I'm so happy for you" Y/N hug Niall "Oh by the way I' ll be at work by the time you're going to perform I hate it but apparently we started to start shooting again November 7" Y/N said and Niall face quite frown to her news "but Y/N I wanted you to be there, you're like my only audience there that I want!" "I know love! I know! I don't want to miss it too of course its like a "Super VIP service" Y/N's waiting for Niall to laugh at her last sentence but Niall is serious because he wanted her to be there so Y/N continued "Okay love I'm sorry so sorry believe it or not I wanted to be there but I can't I really wanted to do Y/N's eyes is quite teary for being torn Niall hold Y/N's face and said "Ok love it's okay don't cry I'm sorry too I just wanted you to be there but I guess if your work is resuming it'll be like before,maybe I just used to be with you wherever and whenever I go you are there because of the quarantine." " I know me too, I just hate that the fact it has to start shooting the same day you'll perform in Albert Hall" "If only I could change the date but it'll take time I mean its getting close and it'll be hard to reschedule." Niall said "No worries love you don't have too, I don't want you too, the work will be too much for you when you needed to focus on your rehearsals which will start tomorrow." Niall just look into her eyes and grateful for having an understanding partner "Aweee! I love you so much" Niall said and hug her "You will be there right? In my rehearsals? Please baby even just in rehearsal right?" Niall asked "Yes baby I'll be there, I'll be with you while I still can of course."

In rehearsal

Bands and Niall are discussing to the song list they were going to play, the notes, transition and other stuffs related to the big day, Y/N was just roaming around and Niall found Y/N "Hey baby is there something wrong?" Niall asked "Nothing really its just everytime you sing in your rehearsal I really hate it I'm gonna miss it while you're playing back there I was like its gonna be great and more better cause it'll be in a venue and I don't know like I just imagine cause I'm not going to be there." Y/N said as Niall hug her "It's gonna be okay love. Now come on I need you while you are still free." Niall plays and Y/N stay still watching and just admiring Niall his passion and his love for music and the people in need. Y/N grabs her phone and took pictures

Y/N post it online and also promote Niall's event for a cause fans we're thankful for another Niall content online and happy that she is promoting after Niall's rehearsal and small meeting he go to Y/N "Baby, Are you ready to go home? "Yes baby and I'm also hungry can we stop for a drive thru?" Y/N asked "Yes! Baby anything I'm also starving" "Ok I'll drive give me the keys" "What? Why?" Niall was confused "Cause I know you're tired and don't over work yourself you can relax now so I'll drive." "And that's why you're the best I love you" Niall kisses Y/N and gave her the keys

As they both enter the car Y/N said to Niall to pick a good music on the road while Y/N drives Niall open his phone and sees a notification from different social media usually he ignore it but sees Y/N's username so he open it "Baby, why's the music taking too long? Y/N ask and Niall speaks "Love you post a picture of me in the rehearsal?" "Uhmmm yes?" Y/N replied nervously "Isn't it allowed?" "No it's actually good and cute it emphasize the rehearsal, the instruments and yeah it's good." "Oh! Okay! Good for a moment there I thought I was in trouble" "Well if you want to I can make it you're in trouble" Niall's smirk as he hold Y/N thigh and she gasped in shock "Baby, I'm driving can you stay still until we got home" "Well drives faster going home" Y/N droves fast make stop for a drive thru and headed home.

Niall grab Y/N and went to their room "Why so eager Niall?" "i just wanted some love time, seeing you there in my rehearsals and you being so supportive to me I just can't help myself I almost can't hold myself a while back there but I saw the post and I don't know I can't wait no more" as Niall removed his clothes and Y/N he kisses her from lips to her neck to her body and Y/N response to Niall's every move after the rough sex "Hey, baby tomorrow in rehearsal can you take another picture of me a close up one so I can also put it on my social medias" "Hmmm~ A photographer for tomorrow I better get paid in this" Y/N said while she goes for Niall top "and what do you have in mind?" Niall asked as Y/N kisses Niall and his hands were all over her and make love each other again.

Second day in rehearsal

"Niall I've got to show you something" Y/N shows Niall that she also purchased a ticket for the show "Awee love you don't have too I'll get a copy we can both watch it together in your off" "No its okay this is for a cause, and also maybe I'll have a free time in shooting and maybe I'll be able to watch it even just in virtual I'll be here to support you" Y/N said "You really are the best" Niall kiss deeply Y/N very passionately Y/N stop and say "Ok lover boy hate to stop this making out but you need to go back and probably because maybe this time I'll be the one who can't control" Niall laugh hold her hand and go back to the rehearsal area Y/N grab her phone and took Niall's picture as he requested and post it again she also airdrop it when Niall took a break "Here you go baby" Y/N said "Thank you so muck love" and Niall post it right away.

"I've been busy lately in rehearsal and I'm glad for these moments to perform again, but most of all help me to support the amazing people whose work in touring has been severely affected in this pandemic. Buy your tickets now"

Niall The D-Day

4:00am

Y/N woke up early made breakfast Niall smells her cooking and he sneak behind her "Niall! Jeezz!" "Sorry love its just I need to recharge by hugging you cause I know in a few moments now you'll leave me as he frown "I know baby that's why I'm quite in a hurry slept late memorizing and woke up a little late" "Okay sorry baby you've been busy supporting me I forgot about your thing too" "It's okay I know you'll support me in your own way" Y/N and Niall ate their breakfast and Y/N prepares for her work Niall went back to sleep.

8:00am

Niall woke up and made coffee and also prepare for the show he message Y/N "Good morning love, just woke up again, preparing to work out a little and meeting up the lads for short meeting for the event later, I really hope you're here you take care see you later, I love you so much"

Y/N's still thinking for a very important event for today but unfortunately she is working and every break she has Y/N also message back to Niall

7:30PM

Niall message Y/N for the last time "Hi baby, this is it about 30 minutes we will start the show, I hope you're free and be able to stream. I love you so much hope I can hug and kiss you before I go to stage. See you home."

Niall perform and Y/N struggles on her work lack of sleep and physically tired she keeps looking in her watch but unfortunately she also missed the virtual show.

10:00PM

Niall comes home as fast as he can, Niall was tired and relieved to everything he just wanted to rest to Y/N's arms but unfortunately she is still not around he looks to his phone and read a message from Y/N "Hi my love, unfortunately I haven't watch the stream because of the loaded work but please know I'm proud of you and for this causezmxmxxmxdk" Niall call Y/N but no avail he tried to wait for her until midnight Niall was worried he called and called left a tons of message like "Hey Baby where are you now?, Come home I'm worried I'm not mad please just come home"

4:30AM

Y/N arrived and just head to the couch and sleep put her bag in the table and missed so all the items just made a noise and mess Niall heard and went out of the room and saw Y/N "Baby are you okay?! I was damn worried" Niall looked in the clock "It's almost 5am what happened?" "Love, let me sleep please I'll tell you la-" Y/N muffled and sleep Niall just stare for her in the moment carry her into their room and goes to sleep.

9:00AM

Niall woke up and relieved that Y/N is on his side he silently leave the room to made breakfast Niall has a free day today but will be promoting the second day of the show. Y/N woke up and Niall "Good you're up! Anything you like for breakfast?" "Niall I'm so sorry" "What? Why? Baby wait did you cheat on me? Niall said jokingly "WHAT?! No of course its just I miss the show I've been busy like the whole day and there's this scene so exhausting and-" Niall kisses Y/N "It's okay love I understand I'm really just worried and glad you're here, so what do you want in breakfast?" " I would like some fried rice, eggs and ham I want a heavy breakfast I'm really tired and hungry but first a medicine my head is really pounding, and can you wake me up again I still need some sleep and when I woke up I'll watch the show love" Y/N go back to sleep and Niall cook breakfast she requested. Niall was about to woke her up but thought she needed more rest so he just stay with her "My greatest supporter" then kisses her forehead.

Hope you enjoy it.

[fluffytriceratops]

LIFE UPDATE!!

Hello everyone~!

I just wanted to start this off by apologising for being away for so long. In my last update, I mentioned that my senior cat wasn't doing too well. He's okay. We put drops in his eye and it looks to be getting better. He never showed any signs of being in pain and he still isn't. So I think he's gonna be alright. He's just an old man lol.

Besides that my life has been very busy/chaotic. All is pretty well. I've entered into a body building comp which lasts 6 months so that's going to be taking up some of my time haha. But I really want to be more active here on Tumblr! ^^

Writing requests are still open. So if you guys want me to write anything fandom related, feel free to drop a message into my ask box area! I do have some requests I need to write already, so I'll be getting to work on those as soon as I can! :D

In the meantime I'll be posting some older stuff that I haven't gotten around to posting yet. And there will most likely be tons of spam haha. Apologies in advance. (THE SPAM IS GONNA BE CRAZY IM SORRY—)

Thank you all so much for being so kind, patient and understanding with me! ^3^

And thank you for continuning to tag me in things even tho I haven't been on here to see them! :3

I love you all so so much! I'm sending all my love and virtual hugs to you!! <333

See you guys soon, probably in the next spam lmao!

— LF / Fluffy.

[chemicalpink]

Hi! How are you?

I'm sorry for your loss recently, about your grandmother. I must've been so hard. I'm not sure what i could say to help or comfort but i'll like to give you a (virtual) big big hug if it's okay 👐🥺❤ I also hope you are able to take some time and care for yourself despitd your busy life schedule 💟

I have been reading some of your works for the last year since and i enjoy them a lot and thankful/impressed by the fact you still get to write despite your busy life (based on some of your posts). I hope the things finds you joy still sparks the same and will able to lift up some troubles you've been worrying even just a bit. Thank you for still sharing your works with us! 💖

anyways!

I don't know if this will reach you but I dunno why, i just have you get this out of my system and something with being an anon messenger suddenly gave me a push in my guts to let this all out (or maybe other people could relate and somehow maybe i'm not alone afterall). I am really not okay. This is kinda long and sad and feel free to dismiss this ask, totally fine. Somehow, i just needed to get this out and if its just out in the void, it sort of still gives me a hit relief.

I have been feeling lost for a couple of years. These past few months, I get to sort of reflect what my life has become and my plans for my own life, what I want to do. Basically, the past few years I had several but very short lived jobs (I had only 3). I started working in Feb 2018 and with that, basically had job hopped. I also realized that i'm thr type of person to quit when I thoroughly know that the thing is for me or not. I also on my last job because it was very toxic (after me, a lot of workers quit the company too so that says a lot for them). So its the reason why I only last for a month or 3 in those 3 jobs. I just thinking whether i'm too picky or unlucky or something. I stopped working (or look for work) in the year 2020, around January before the pandemic. So I just worked for the years 2018-2020.

At January 2020, my niece was born and somehow I got to be one of her caretakers (besides her parents of course). My mother sort of gave me the responsibility to take care of her because "that's what family do" and it was the same way she did with her siblings before. Since I was unemployed at the time, I agreed to help and of course since they're family and I love my sister and my niece as well. But a part of me also felt trapped and guilty for thinking that this sort of halted my life, the life I want to establish. I have been taking care of my niece till this day. It's not my sister and niece's fault for sure of course. But part of me feels anger towards my mother.

This is getting too long sorry.

Basically, I just realized over the couple of years:

• my mother have (not sure but just observation) the tendency to emotionally abuse me with all the guilting and controlling and passive-agressive treatments, making me feel that I have to sacrifice myself for others and thinking others above, that I should always try to understand others. She treats me like a slave, making me clean the house (with not much on her part); making me take care of my niece & nephew (especially when they were just newly born) when I never knew how to do it at all and not her teaching me things on how to do it. Somehow I have to know how do it on my own; pressuring me to take jobs that i totally cannot do bc its very far from my degree nature and skill-wise (I graduated in arts and design so i worked as a graphic designer/designer for a while). She doesn't know me at all or the nature of what i want to do and doesn't take effort to know so. I feel like I just have a big responsibility towards other but I can't focus on myself. Which leaves me neglecting myself and what I feel.

• I have been living here, with my sister and her family's place for a year now. Sleeping on their couch and I take care of her daughter mostly while my sister works. My sister now hired a helper since my sister's now gonna work full time and also to give me my own time on my hands as well. My sister's kind enough to offer her home too, knowing I don't have a good relationship with our mother (all of us siblings don't have the nicest relationship with her. They just moved out bc they got married and have a family of their own).

• I am about to move out of my sister's home and will move back again at our childhood home next few weeks from now. I will get to live with my parents again. This makes me very anxious and terrified. I've always feel like i don't have a space in that house anymore and that i am not respected as person. I know it's their house (and sort of their rules) but still. Idk i just feel terrible and defeated.

• i have been unemployed for almost 3 years now and i thiiink i have an idea of what job i want but still confused about making it a reality. I think i just need to get a job that's decent and will make me save enough (enough to move out). I just really want to saaave so that i could get to move out of that house.

So, in short-- I'm kind of lost and scared in my life. I'm clueless of what i want to do and what should I do. I'm terrified that I'll be again worse when i get to live with my mother again.

I'm scared to get stuck in there and stuck with the same horrible feelings and feeling defeated whether I'd get a job and get out of the house and get to live my own life. I'm 25 years old and as i've read on others, I should explore things out there and live my life.

I feel like I have no choice for a lot of times and now, i desperately want a bit of freedom and see out there of what I could do.

So that's all. You don't have to post or answer this. I just. I feel lost and defeated and desperate. I want to have money and savings and i want to have a career and a good/striving one. I do want to live my own life.

I don't know what to do with this and you also don't have anything to do with this but. I just want to get this out there cause i've been keeping this inside of me for yeaaars and i dunno. I'm not sure if it'll help but. Maybe it will and maybe there's also someone out there feeling trapped and hopeless. Anyways. Sorry this is long.

Thank you for giving us this space to vent.

I hope you're doing okay and get to feel better for the next days ❤

- 🌮 anon

🌮anon first, thank you so much for such sweet words, I shall return that amazing big virtual hug, and know that this is a safe place to just let go of anything on your mind.

I wish I could give you some type of answer that could make it all better but life doesn’t seem to work that way, going through a lot of stuff isn’t ideal and certainly it drains us so I’m sending you a lot of strength, everything that you feel around your experiences is 100% valid love.

20s and even 30s are quite the rollercoaster, we’ve been told time and time again that somehow life gets better, you’re set on the right path magically or something but it’s really not all that about just happening as much as it is about going through a lot of stuff, feeling a shit ton of emotions and being terrified of the future, and it’s only in human nature, it means we are taking over ourselves, breaking toxic cycles, daring to do thing you’ve never learned how to do but want to do so because you’re searching for happiness in your own terms.

There’s really no deadline set on humanity, some may grow and find their true call along the way, others will never stop looking for it, but none of that means that we don’t get to live for ourselves instead of for expectations. And it’s hard, and it’ll feel like a lot of baggage to carry, but it’s all in you to decide what’s the best next step to take and standardise your journey to your own liking, we are all happy to co-exist with you while you do so, at least I am. And I’ll be here either as a stranger on the internet that you may want to read from, as a safe anonymous space you can reach out to when you need it, or as someone, truly human, behind this text that is rooting for you without expectations, just wanting to applaud you for choosing to do things differently, for being so strong and keep on going under your own terms, no matter the outcome.

I’m sending much love your way 🌮 anon

[honeyymistt]

hey honeyy! i just wanted to rant for a hot minute simply bc idk how to handle this situation; i'm 20, and will move out soon to go to uni (in october, presumably) and my parents will pay for rent and food, which is v nice of them. but despite their reassurances that they'll pay for it, they are so passive aggressive, especially my mom. she just straight up told me today that "enough is enough" and basically said i need to move out asap bc i'm such a burden on them financially + i'm so spoiled and dumb and don't know how to real world works and she does (which ugh,, not to brag but they're loaded and i feel so heartbroken bc as a child they would spoil us rotten), but now she just wants to kick me out. i know at 20, i'm long overdue for moving out — and i will, soon, in like 2 months — yet my mom acts as if she couldn't wait for me to leave (which, okay, fair. same tbh) but idk what she wants me to do about it rn?? like i'm looking for jobs & am in the process of applying to different jobs, but that's somehow a time consuming process. it's just v stressful bc i feel betrayed, bc they always told me i should focus on school instead of getting a job, and it's my fault for not thinking for myself, but now i have no money saved up and i'll probably work a minimum wage job for the rest of the year every month (and the next years, like my whole uni time which is a-okay, it just stresses me out a bit). i think you're younger than me, so maybe this is very out of line for me to complain to you about?? feel free to just delete this ask, but i wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with "loveless" parents and a dysfunctional family, where respect is requested but you as 'their child' are not brought the same respect bc you're 20 and still living at home. it's sooo funny bc i'm so gullible; my mom used to tell me the exact opposite for years — ‘no, it's fine that you're still living at home with 19’ and now she holds it against me bc she moved out at 17. my dad is also v mentally unstable, he has anger issues and never sees that he behaved wrongly, basically gaslighting me into believing it's all my fault for everything's that happening to me when something goes wrong. idk how to deal w/ this, everyone in this household is toxic and i feel trapped, despite my plans to hustle on the side and earn my own money. i'm stupid for feeling betrayed, but that's how it feels like. i think my mom stopped loving me a long time ago, like until i was 11 she loved me, but then i grew up and developed my own opinions, character etc. i just hate her so much. same with my dad. i hate relying on them for rent though and idk what to do (😭ik, this is a very, very privileged standpoint but idk how to handle all this hate; it's been getting worse these past weeks) — sorry for the lang rant!! 😭✋ hope your life is going great, though <3 -💌

hiii 💌-anon!!! im happy to hear from you :) i’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time 🥺 i'm sending you a virtual hug. i hope it cheers you up! <3

it makes me sad to read that you think that you're long overdue for moving out because you really aren't!! where i live, a lot of people are living at home until they graduate from university (possibly because it is very expensive to live where i live and no 20 year old is able to afford it🥴) but anyways, i actually don't think you're long overdue for moving out. i know that there a bunch of YouTube videos titled "MOVING INTO MY DREAM APARTMENT AT 19!" and yes, it's such a milestone but it's also so unrealistic. YouTube and being an "influencer" in general, pays really really well. not a lot of people are able to do what is "normal" to them. you are right on track! don't worry :)

reading about your parents really made me upset because you don't deserve to be talked to like that at all. a good parent takes care of their kid because they love them. they don't guilt trip them and tell them that they are a financial burden or that they're excited for them to move out. like your mom offers to pay for your rent and food but then tells you that you're a financial burden ?? like ma'am, where is the logic in that 😐 i'm sorry that she makes you feel unloved,, you don't deserve that at all :( i hate that you feel like once you developed your own opinions and character, she started to dislike you. that's what makes you wonderful!! you're a beautiful person, inside and out. don't let her opinions and actions tell you otherwise.

as for not knowing how the real world works, literally same. to be completely honest, i'm probably worse than you 😭 . i think i wrote this in one of my posts about my insecurities but basically i wrote that i don't know anything beyond school. i feel like i've been working so hard on being the "perfect student" that i'm so book smart but when it comes to very basic life skills, i feel like i'm lacking. i feel like i'm unprepared. whenever i tell this to my mom, she tells me that it's okay and that it's her job to take care of me and provide for me. one time she said "you have a whole life ahead of you to learn about taxes and cleaning and bills and finances and cooking. just enjoy the time right now. enjoy your life where it is. you're going to learn all of these skills eventually. the best way to learn them is just to experience life and make mistakes." so listen to my mom and try not to worry!! no one is born knowing how the real world works. you're going to be okay!

i think when it comes to dealing with loveless parents, you make up for it through your other relationships. one of my friends doesn't have the best relationship with her parents and whenever i ask her about it she says, "it's sad that i don't have the love that most people get from their parents but i get so much love from you, my other friends, my boyfriend, my cousins, etc. i know that there are people who care for me. these people are my family." maybe you and your family just need time apart. maybe your absence will make them realize that they didn't really treat you all that well. or maybe you'll realize that you deserve a lot better and that you don't want to be in contact with people who make you feel badly about yourself. time apart will give you time to come to terms with what you need! 🤍 if i were you, i'd get really excited for moving out in october because you're going to be removing yourself from this environment. you won't have to deal with feeling like a burden or dealing with your parents being cold towards you. you're moving out!! this is exciting!!! i'm excited for you!! everything will align and fall perfectly into place, i just know it.

i'll be by your side every step of the way - packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, and we'll experience the harsh reality of the real world together :) i'm right by your side 🥺🌟🍯🤍

[sheerioswifties]

I only have another like 5 seconds to post right now but so I've not been able to securely set up a PayPal or venmo etc yet, we're still trying to figure that out (again it's really hard bc it could prevent us from getting housing help we need DESPERATELY like TODAY and then like ugh so many possible traps it's just hard we gotta do it the right way and can't think of someone we'd trust enough to do it for us so I really don't know yet) but so many of you have offered help and as much as I want to say that it's okay don't worry about it, I honestly really, really need help very badly

and so for the time being, one thing we can do, is if you/people want to get me digital gift cards like from amazon or other places that we can get basic needs like water, tp, food from etc, that helps a ton and I have found that you can DM me a gift card number/info / a screen shot of it and I can use it- that's worked in the past at least for Amazon and target... so if that's possible, please go for it.

Also, gas and hotel are up at the top as what we need most right away, and so idk if gas gift cards are possible; or also hotel chains maybe, or (and again I freaking HATE to doxx myself so much this way but) one of my favorite local hotel chains who've like I have a whole story with them and it's just a really special PNW thing, it's called McMenamins (hopefully my fellow pnw swifties know? @pnwswiftie @1989s @- crap you've all changed your urls I'll have to come back and add you but) and they have a website and I believe they sell gift cards there or if you wanted you could call and ask how to reserve a hotel room for somebody, idk. Sorry I'm really, really inarticulate right now so I'm hoping maybe those who wanna help this gives you some ideas. But yeah even DMing me amazon gift cards helps a ton. Idfififksltstlslts I gotta figure out paying this month's health insurance premium too bc we had to spend the little money we had on a uhaul and gas fotkfkfststostksotskst I'm honestly so screwed okay um

I gotta go but I love you alll so much seriously now that my story can be told you'll know just how much this online community has helped get me through these years of abuse and living under duress like you all have no idea how many moments there have been where I didn't think I'd make it but the smallest things, an encouraging quote a friendly ask funny fandom clownery following the rep tour virtually w you all... these things gave me hope gave me strength gave me reasons to keep surviving and fighting to get out of here, because I want so badly to get to a position where I can truly thank you each and pay forward all your kindness and everything and just. And yes @taylorswift @taylornation it's all because of you that I came here in the first place and your music has sustained me and your fandom has encouraged me and your fights and words and advice gave me the courage to speak out about my abuse and everything so I just. Again if I dont get the chance to I just needed to tell you all thank you, I love you, and I honestly am going to do everything I possibly can, with whatever life I have left after all this, to help as many others as I can in every way possible. Thank you♡

P.S. if for some reason I lose access to the Internet or this account, Catherine (was @imhereonthekitchenfloor ugh I don't know anyone's urls, C @sparksflymp3 knows her) has my phone # (obvs I don't want that given out but like u could tell her things to tell me or something idk) and Ash @tayloristhecontent has contact info too, both of you I've been out of touch with lately which I'm so sorry for and hopefully you understand why, it's been a nonstop crazy nightmare over here, but I love you and hope you're doing good and really hope to hug you and so many others here some day soon ♡ SO much love and thanks to @warmthebedonwednesday ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

EDIT/Adding tags as I find them: @lovedyouthreesummers @shininglikefireworkssss @everybodyfallsapart @blacklistedswiftie @tellmewhy @ileftanote @genxtraordinaire @saraswift96 @bisexualstilllearning @beautiful-ghosts @proudtobeaswiftie @a-reluctant-witch @hopeinflowers @loveisbraveandwild13 @bleachellataylor @seattleswiftie @ivebeenthearcher @justwatchmebloom @the-swiftie-scientist @swiftful-thinking13 (idk maybe u know California resources??? Or can signal boost???) kfjfsksf @markruffalo @britneyspears @troyesivan @hayleykiyoko @tree-paine