#i'd be a convincing specimen of manhood
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backing up my files & just stumbled upon a very old journal entry (september 4th 2015) that is literally the biggest egg-in-denial copium ive ever seen. godbless
#but i don't have any masculine personality traits - for what it's worth in a patriarchal society where gender is the very fabric of social#existence#well naturally if i could be a man i'd do that in a heartbeat. but i can't pretend#i'd be a convincing specimen of manhood#17..... oh baby. i was right though....#“oh what if i just want to be trans to be interesting” beloved .#well !#it's so funny. it's really so funny#i barely remember writing this in the first place#fascinating that ever since day fucking ONE the problem was#it's true though. like i was right. but you Can be a failed man instead of a failed woman and it's actually preddy fun . so !#there's this “psychology test” by françoise dolto which - apologies - only works in french#but basically as an exercise to evaluate gender among young children#the therapist tells a child to pretend/perform a gesture accompanying each word#and one of the words is “tire !”. which you could translate as either “pull[on something]” or “shoot[something]”#and the conclusions were that girl childrens overwhelmingly pantomimed pulling on a rope while boy children mimicked shooting a gun#and my father smugly told me that he had done this experiment on me at around the same age mentioned by dolto and that i#always pantomimed pulling on something which in his eyes settled the question entirely. well#maybe the future is a world where boys don't care about guns huh. maybe i was destined to be a weird ass catboy this entire time. huh!#huh the order of these tags is all messed up. solve my jigsaw puzzle boy
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