#i’ve been doomed to love them all along <3< /div>
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
I’m sorry to jump in your inbox with that long af rant, but I’ve been lurking and loving every Meljay post of yours since day one and I need to scream in the void.
I’m inconsolable over how bad the writing of acts 2 and 3 was, it literally feels like it was written by a completely different team. What even was that conversation, it sounded like they asked ChatGPT to write a scene based on top 50 tweets about Mel and Jayce after 1x05 aired back in the days.
I’ve never in 15 years seen a ship so cruelly ruined, because how are people supposed to continue at all tolerating Jayce with that idiotically out of character dialogue in 2x08 between him and Mel? What a fucking bad way to treat fans, having them invested all the way until literally the last moment, it already was bad with how the majority of people (fandom, reactors, obviously the artists too) were “interpreting” Mel (if you can even call it that, cause interpretation requires media literacy), but now they have left us so burnt that I'm betting there aren’t even going to be fix-it fics because they. Just. Ruined. Jayce, so bad. And I still love the well written (still flawed tho!) Jayce from 3x01 (setting up a way more natural conflict-to-be-resolved path when he made those weapons five minutes after Mel vowed to protect his dream), but damn, I love Mel so much more, I really don’t know how to cope with all that. Only people who’ve had the luck to not have been treated as that husk of an AU Jayckass treated our girl can’t see the amount of PTSD that scene can trigger in a woman. I am so frustrated with how the creators treated her trauma and slashed the wounds wide open with both that and “You are the wolf”, I genuinely don’t know how to cope.
And the worst part is all of this could have been resolved with a single touch and him being open to her – like he always have been – just tell her he’s doomed instead of showing us a highly specific and unrelated two frames of the voidy-looking infection on his forearm spreading every time he is on screen. Even if that is one of their “yes we meant that all along we just wanted to show not tell it” like with the whole idiotic Sky/Viktor backstory that Overton “spilled” the other day. Jayce has been able to see through Mel’s shields the moment he saw her painting and was always shown to admire her intellectual prowess, he’d never leave her hanging like that.
If they wanted to write a Shakespearean tragedy so bad they made this intro scream “look at us, we gave you Greek last time, now it’s all about good ol’ Billy” why not have Jayce make the same impossible choice (as they brilliantly and am starting to think accidentally?) made Silco do in 1x09, having him choose between his love for Zaun and his love for Jinx, drawing one final parallel between the two men and closing that loop with Jayce/Silco carrying Viktor’s/Jinx’s body and infusing them with the deus ex machina. It was right there staring them at their faces, have Jayce choose between his love for Mel and his love for his brother.
What a spectacular failure of writing, what an even more monumental failure of the artists to come out with those comments, so now I don’t even want to praise their talent, because they should have kept their mouths fucking shut and stuck to drawing.
Sorry to dump this in your ask, can you tell I’m still reeling.
Please, please, do you have any headcanons, I need crumbs, I need to heal my soul and Mel’s.
Lovely anon you've but into words what all Meljay fans are feeling, I think. I cannot lie, I've been trying to let go of the ship. Withdraw sort of, especially since that was the ending we got. But I've had them for three years, and they've sunk their claws too deeply to me. I'm still thinking of them even now. I'm going to make the most of their divorce era, and I'm going to make them return to each other in ever single AU ever. Because Arcane S2 act #3 is not my Meljay. Also, AU Jayckass had me bursting out in laughter!
On the topic of headcanons. I have one in which when Vik tells Jayce to go back, Jayce does. He returns to Piltover but too much time has past, Mel has already burned his name and departed across the waters to Rokrund. Jayce knows he's done her wrong, realizes he's been blinded, and he does his best to atone in Piltover and Zaun, writing letters to Mel. Letters that go unanswered. And then eventually, he goes to Rokrund, and finds a different woman, one stronger and colder than he had known. He loves her anyways, and spends his years winning her back. And when he has groveled sufficiently, Mel takes him back. He sort of grounds her, so that she does not remain the wolf all the time. So that she does not become her mother.
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
prey animal-coded because more than one person has come to my ask box/dms to give me propaganda on their fav team/player . u all know now that i’m a soft-shelled crab of a guy when it comes to resisting narratives and vibes. my immunity to becoming endeared is like that of a wet paper bag . i am a sick and wounded beast and everyone smells the blood !!!!
#my actual real weaknesses are 1) interesting/fun/beautiful hockey 2) girlfailures#haha i hope no one uses this information against me <3#puckposting#re; why i fell headfirst into the kings - i’ve actually been circling them since i did all that research on their system#that’s interesting hockey. that’s something i could watch for HOURS#given that they’ve finally reached what seems to be the lowest low of their entire season AND they have PLD (both are girlfailure factors)#i’ve been doomed to love them all along <3
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lilia Calderu x Fem!Reader: Gaudium In Finem
Summary: Death, upright; growth, change, new beginnings. Luckily for Lilia, she has the perfect guide to help her navigate the unknown.
AO3
Included: Mentions of death, allusions to smut, fluff and comfort, found family
Words: 2.7k
A/N: This is my love letter to Agatha All Along and to the group of people I'm fortunate enough to call my own coven. I'm sad to see the show end, but excited to see where it leads. It has been so much fun playing in the fandom sandbox every week with you all <3
Tag List: @emiliaisdead @kenzie-floops @nightmare-of-homophobes @thepotatoislost @mckiejames @women-are-so-ethereal @galaxydreamer468 @thoroughly--confused @angeliccss @goldenautomaton @asolitaryrose3 @multifandomfix @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @escapetodreamworld @macnbriee @liliastriangle @im-a-carnivorous-plant @allseingeye
Lilia loved being a witch.
Loves.
Loved?
“If you think about it too hard, you’ll hurt yourself.” A voice calls from behind her.
She turns, startled to find herself staring back down The Road. Her feet are bare, the leaves rough against the bottom of them, hair a wild mess of curls. She can smell the mud on herself, but mercifully seems absent from it on her person.
The familiar weight of her own clothing startles her. She runs a hand down the sleeve of her cardigan, feeling the slight differences in texture between the yarn. Years ago, in a fit of fancy, she’d made it herself; it has been one of her most prized possessions since, and she’s relieved to have it returned.
Lilia pauses at the sight of you. You lean against one of the gnarled trees, smiling in that fond way time had robbed her of remembering. There’s a welcoming energy surrounding you that she remembers, though, and finds herself drawn back into your orbit.
Loved it is, then.
“How are you here?” Lilia asks, breathless.
“Where else would I be, my Lilia?” The accent lilts off your tongue just as she recalls, too.
“You know what I’m asking.” She says, “How are you here—how am I here? I fell.”
You tilt your head. Though the look you offer is curious, calculating, the warmth doesn’t ebb. It makes her feel lighter than a feather.
“Death, upright.”
The words make her flinch. She can still feel it; the weight of the deck in her palm, the eyes of her coven on her, the encroaching doom of the swords aiming for all of them. And that final card—the destination—sealing the fate she had known since stepping into the trial.
Death, upright.
Your eyes are expectant, waiting.
It clicks for Lilia, “New beginnings, transformation, and growth.”
“Death is only a new beginning, and The Road is Death.”
The Road is Death, yet she has never felt more alive. She feels the reliable weight of her magic still in her veins. Her heart is light at the sight of your smiling face and loving eyes. She itches to take your hand in her own again.
As if sensing the desire, you extend your hand, palm up. She closes the distance to take it and finds herself pulled into a kiss. It’s sweet and slow, but brimming with centuries of longing. She pulls back and presses a kiss to your palm.
“My Lilia, how I’ve waited for you.” You whisper, cupping her beautiful face between your hands. She looks back with soft, glassy eyes. “Come, I have so much to show you.”
--- The Road is much more subtle in death than it was in life; or, at least, it is more casual about the changes it weaves in. The wild forest thins on either side, trees growing more sparse, or pushing back away from The Road as homes pop up alongside it, from victorian-style to mere cottages.
She can witness scenes through the windows, families caught in images of domesticity she doesn’t care for but they must find joy in. Others are outside tending gardens or enjoying the endless existence sprawled before them upon their porch. It’s peaceful, beautiful.
Lilia is warmed by the fact that almost everyone offers a greeting. She regards you from the corner of her eyes when every soul regards you with recognition.
Before she can question the behavior, the two of you come upon the edges of a city.
Old, worn stone in gray rises into buildings that blot out the eternal moon. Buildings she finds matches for in the back of her mind. She can hear the water lapping at the shore even from here. Eager in a way she’d forgotten, she pulls you along the streets, ignoring the glances of everyone around, until she finds that old stone staircase.
Not a rock is out of place, nor has the water weathered anymore of the sand than she remembers. The waves are dark blue—purple, even, where they meet the shore. White moonlight bounces off the crests.
“Care for a dip, like old times?” You ask.
When Lilia turns, you look just as you did, then; so young and joyful, elaborate skirts bunched up in your hands. She nods. Stepping down the staircase, she finds she, too, is clad in the skirts she wore, having to hold them lest she trip.
Lilia is one-hundred-and-two again, not appearing a day older than a mortal twenty-five. Her hair cascades in thick, loose brown curls around her shoulders and down her back. Her skin is smooth and sun-kissed and her eyes twinkle with the remaining joyful youth she possessed then. But when she sheds her dress to bare herself to you, she isn’t shy.
You sink to your knees as you did then. The moonlight traces every contour of her form that you’re eager to bring your lips to. And you do, mouth winding a path up her leg when a hand in your hair stops you.
“This isn’t how the memory goes, darling.” Lilia tuts.
Your eyes are pleading, “A little embellishment couldn’t hurt, could it?”
She shakes her head. Her hand moves from her hair to cup your cheek.
“I love the scene as it is.”
“Then that is how it will remain.” You press a kiss into her palm.
Lilia steps fearlessly into the waves and beckons you. You shed your layers and follow, desperate and eager for her after such a long separation. Somewhere between touches and caresses, your bodies return to their wiser, more lived-in forms; the past remembered and honored, but made anew, as Death tends to do. You kiss Lilia hard.
--
Varying paths shoot from The Road. Some are made of stone, winding uphill and into towering cities that are archaic in appearance. Others extend until they vanish into treelines. It is none of these that bring Lilia to a stop; the one that does can barely be referred to as a path, but rather a pattern of spots where the grass has been weathered away permanently.
It is plain. Worn. The patches of exposed dirt reveal divots in the earth that are small enough to resemble thousands of footsteps. She stares along its length in search of answers. She feels herself tempted.
Lilia looks over her shoulder to you.
“Wherever you lead, I will follow.”
“But is it safe?” She presses.
“There is nothing that can harm you in Death. I swear it.”
The first step onto the path prompts something to unfurl in Lilia’s chest, like that of a loosening fist. Her feet match the steps of her formers, bending, molding into the divots and taking an infinitesimal piece of the earth with her.
Each moment moving away from The Road brings change; past the treeline looming ahead, there’s a whisper of music. Muffled voices in the hundreds or thousands rise in harmony.
Closer, she nearly pauses, the melody hitting her like a train. It only makes sense that The Ballad should have made it into the afterlife. Her hand reaches for your own, gripping tight. Faces pass behind her eyes; Jennifer and Alice and Agatha and Billy.
Her coven. Oh, how she misses them—loves them, even now that Death has stolen her away. Some things never leave a witch.
The two of you come to stand in a wide field, an impossibly large stage near the back edge. Lorna Wu is center stage, microphone pulled close by one hand while the other gestures and weaves. She is lost in the music, moving in a whirl of color and flowing fabric; she’s a goddess straight out of the seventies, just as the pictures portrayed.
Alice’s resemblance is strong when Lorna throws her head back and smiles. Lilia’s not sure she’s ever seen evidence that the woman could smile; but given her goal in life, it’s no surprise that her peace would be found in Death. It comforts her to know Alice is here somewhere basking in the glow of her Mother’s joy.
Thousands of witches mill around the stage. No two groups look exactly the same—some, she thinks, may even be older than she. Others are young, taken before their power could manifest. Her heart aches, yet there is a levity in knowing they’re all together, free to traverse the existence after life, absent of hurt.
“Would you like to join them?” You ask.
Lilia takes in the crowd, a rebuff poised on the end of her tongue. She’s far too old to dance like a girl amongst her sister-witches. Yet, she doesn’t give voice to her denial; because despite her age and her feelings on what would be proper, Lilia wants to be among them.
“More than anything.” She answers instead.
Your face spreads into a beautiful smile. Offering your hand to her with a flourish, “Well, then allow me, my lady.”
The two of you work your way into the center of the crowd. Lilia doesn’t miss how people part for you, every single one offering a nod. But your attention is focused solely on her and it’s heavier than she remembers, with more behind it.
Lorna has worked away from The Ballad and into Red Haired Woman. Witches on either side move as the music bids them, limbs fluid and wild. The air is thick with smoke and cedar and lavender. She tilts her head back and breathes deep. She can’t claim to know what it is that takes hold of her spirit, but she allows her limbs to move of their own accord, finding your own as the two of you dance with abandon.
--
“Darling?” Lilia murmurs, watching you.
You’re focused hard on the fruit presented in front of you. Hands hover, unsure, painfully intentional in the piece you want to pick for her. It reminds her of the early days in Romania, years before you—she pushes that thought away.
The witch that has plucked each piece to sell watches your process. Her lips curl in amusement, leaning against the stall, waiting. There is familiarity in how she regards you and it is this that sets Lilia’s mind running.
Your hand comes to hover over one of the oranges and you snatch it up as if it would be taken from you.
“Thank you.” You say to the owner, who only nods. Then you turn on your heel and offer the orange to Lilia, “For you.”
Lilia takes it with a smile. She walks at your side as the two of you weave through those within the marketplace. You’re careful to keep a steady pace, so Lilia doesn’t get swept away in the crowds.
Her fingernails dig into the soft flesh of the orange, repeating, “Darling?”
“Yes, my Lilia?”
A black cat weaves its way through your legs and nearly trips you up. It runs off, a child no more than seven running after it.
“Who are you to the dead?” She asks.
“A guide.” A loose term, really, “I aid the newly dead in letting go of life and embracing the after.”
Lilia wonders for a moment if that is what you’re doing now, but she knows that isn’t the truth. You waited for her same as she has longed for you. Not one moment spent together has been out of something as simple as duty.
“They all know you, as if you’ve been around for eternity.”
“Something like that.” You shrug.
She eyes you with that look that means she expects an explanation. But the way this place works—the way Death works is difficult. It would take years for even the most enlightened witch to understand it. Well, years being a filler term, anyway.
You sigh. Words come to mind, only to be banished, labeled unsuitable. Finally, you weave together the concept as best as you can, and open your mouth to speak.
“Death is eternal—past and present and future. I’ve been here for eternity, same as I’ve been here only a couple of centuries.”
Lilia seems to have no trouble grasping the concept, “Death winds outside of time.”
You nod. Of course Lilia would understand, with her experience of living outside the linear path; your Lilia, winding out of time, who saw the true sequence of existence in the fact that there is no sequence—things just are.
“By your logic, all beings are eternally dead.”
“They are. In a way.”
Her head tilts, “Yet you said you waited for me. If a being is eternally dead, I would have always been here.”
“My position grants me… unique insight into the illusory flow of time seen in life. I exist here, where time doesn’t live, while being aware that souls still remain on the linear path. I did wait for you, for so long—because my seeing both existences cemented your path in the linear.”
Torture of the truest sense; knowing, rationally, that she should be with you in the existence after, only to glimpse into that illusion of life and find her cemented there, far out of your reach. You could have clawed away at the timeline and brought her home to you, but you knew she needed to find what existed there; so she would find what makes Death more than just an end.
The mere reminder of the torturous existence without her has you stopping in the center of the crowds, uncaring for how they have to weave around you two. You pull her into a loving, intense kiss. She responds in kind. Her hands fist in the fabric of your shirt and pull so not a whisper can exist between the two of you.
When she pulls back, her lips are swollen, eyes dark, “Where do we go from here?”
“Wherever home is.”
“Helpful. Thank you very much, darling.” Lilia deadpans.
“Home is wherever I have the pleasure of seeing you happy, my Lilia.” You say, endlessly affectionate, your hands on either one of her cheeks, “I’m merely following you to where that may be.”
“Some guide you are if I’m the one doing the guiding.”
You laugh. Her eyes sparkle with amusement and mischief. Despite her spoken misgivings, though, she takes to the role well. Lacing her fingers through your own, she begins to pull you back down The Road as it winds. You follow, just as eager as she is to figure out where home is meant to be.
--
Home isn’t what you expect.
You anticipated an ancient place—like the homes you shared in Italy and Romania—or at least somewhere more rooted in nature; this is neither. The two-story house is right out of a modern sitcom. It’s somewhat plain, absent of the wizened flair you’ve come to associate with Lilia.
Lilia, who stands on the porch, hands hovering over the door as if she can’t believe what she’s seeing. Lilia, who had picked up speed the second she saw the house in the distance. Lilia, who is looking back at you, tears in her beautiful brown eyes.
A bark of laughter from inside is muffled by the door. You raise your brows.
Lilia’s smile is incandescent. You’re not sure the door was unlocked, but she turns the handle and it opens all the same, the voices dying down inside. Then you hear the sound of hands clapping together.
“Finally.” A voice calls, “I was beginning to think you lost your way, Dory.”
You recognize the voice and hide a laugh behind a cough. Lilia glares, but there is no heat.
“Agatha, seriously?” Jen sounds utterly exhausted.
“What? You were all thinking it.”
“They weren’t, actually.”
“No one asked you, William.”
Standing just a step behind Lilia, you watch the interaction with a smile. You understand now. They’re broken and a little peculiar, but they fit in an odd way.
Agatha’s poring over something at the kitchen table while Jen sits at the other end, mixing furiously. She does look up to offer Lilia a fond smile. Billy rests on the living room floor with Scratchy in his lap while Alice is sprawled on the couch behind him.
It’s a hodgepodge of personalities that should never work, but they do. Better than anything you’ve seen in a very long time.
“Darling,” Lilia says, taking your hand, “come meet my coven.”
You ignore the fact that you’ve already met every one of them—with the exception of Agatha, who Death had been very intense about handling personally. The door closes behind you. In the back of your mind, you thank whatever forces have led you here; home, winding outside of time.
#lilia calderu#lilia calderu x reader#agatha all along#agatha all along x reader#lilia calderu fanfiction#lilia calderu imagine#wlw#wlw fanfiction#oct2024#multimilfswritings
298 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok, so i’ve been thinking about the whole food/love symbolism in house, (i’m not sure who the first person to mention this symbolism was, but i love them so much. if anyone knows please mention them!!!) and there's one more specific element that i want to overanalyze, so just bear with me for a moment; there were four people that directly interacted with house when he was cooking in wilson's apartment (episode 3 season 6): cuddy, thirteen, wilson, and a random lady from the cooking class house and wilson took together. and i feel like these four best represent how house's love is spread. just hear me out for a second you guys.
first, you have cuddy. she comes to house and he happens be cooking; however, she never tastes the food he’s preparing. they love each other, he has love FOR her, but it's never the right time for them. (house and cuddy have such an insane and doomed relationship that i don’t think i quite understand myself tbh).
for the random lady, she's cooking *with* house when cuddy is there. this one isn’t as clean/sensible as the others, but i’m sure at least one person will get what i’m trying to say or be able to word this better. house has a certain level of understanding and care for others/strangers, but on a very grudging level. his love isn't necessarily made just for them, they'll never know the depth or spontaneity of it, and they'll never know what it means like the people close to house do.
with wilson, wilson wakes up to house cooking. house shoves the food in wilson's face, not listening to a word that wilson has to say. and wilson just goes with it! and i believe that it’s around here that house admits that he stayed up all night cooking because he was in pain, but i could be wrong. if that is the case though, that just ties into the whole idea that all of house’s strongest emotions are directly tied to his pain, all of his actions are fueled by his pain, which makes his love even more insane if you think about it. (i wish i was as eloquent as some of the other house fans on here when talking about this stuff but i only ever think about it when half-awake).
and lastly, there's thirteen. she visits house to ask for advice. and you see how precise he's being with the cooking. i don’t remember quite what he was making, something to do with chicken embryos or yolks, and extracting some of the yolk to squeeze sauce in there, something along those lines. pretty precise stuff. and thirteen tries it and says that it's the best thing she's ever eaten. quick and positive interaction.
so. we only see *two* people eat his food in this episode. two people who know what his love is like: wilson, the man that house depends on to even exist, and thirteen, basically the only character that (at this point in the show) has a chance of understanding house’s suffering, to some degree (house dreading the pain that comes with simply existing, knowing each day will be filled with pain, thirteen dreading every day, knowing that her huntingtons can only get worse and one day she’ll lose control).
also, this isn’t to say that house doesn’t/hasn’t loved other characters!!! i personally just feel like the relationships he has with wilson, cuddy, and thirteen are some of the most significant on screen relationships we see. (maybe i’m a bit biased because i adore wilson and thirteen, but we’ll ignore that).
anyways. all of this was likely just coincidence, but i don’t quite care! it’s the coincidences that make for the most meaningful portrayal of characters, in my humble (questionable) opinion!
#house md#hate crimes md#gregory house#james wilson#lisa cuddy#remy thirteen hadley#hilson#house md nonsense
335 notes
·
View notes
Text
🦇🎃 WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP 🎃🦇
All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.
Merlin
The Hunt for Red Emrys by darkbluedark
King Arthur sets out to keep his promise to the spirit of the Druid boy by repealing his father's ban on magic. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, for reasons including but not limited to the following:
(1) He can't change the law until he understands magic better, but no sorcerer is willing to explain magic to him until he changes the law;
(2) The sorcerers all have some strange obsession with Merlin, which is awakening all sorts of feelings in Arthur that he really doesn't fancy examining too closely;
(3) He is starting to feel like the butt of some Druid-population-wide inside joke involving the mysterious phenomenon called Emrys; and
(4) Oh yeah, Morgana is still trying to kill him.
Thus he embarks on a journey of discovery, diplomacy, accountability, and self-improvement, and maybe even falls in love along the way.
Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-Kun
Kalego-sensei is...dead? by IcyPheonix
The Misfits come to school one day to discover that they have, a substitute teacher. They decide that this can only mean one thing; Kalego-sensei, has died.
He hasn't but that's not gonna stop them from pretending he has of course.
SVSSS
The Moon's Beloved Shadow by mofumofu
Shen Qingqiu is a man who hides his twin brother from the world with the ferocity of a phoenix-eyed mother crane.
Shen Yuan is a helpless transmigrator who wishes Airplane-bro had given even a single bit of backstory for this side character he's inhabiting!
Luo Binghe isn't doomed to face the Endless Abyss, but he is forced to confront something infinitely more frustrating: an overly protective brother.
Natsume Yuujinchou
What Colors Do You See In This Monochrome World by mermorgie.
Natori's voice brought him back to the present. "You alright there, Natsume?" The look the exorcist was giving him was warm and a tad concerned. Natsume gave him a small, but earnest smile. "I'm fine, Natori-san. Just a bit nervous." This was the truth. He had no idea why the head of the Matoba Clan invited him this time, but he was sure that the man was up to no good.
Or: Natsume gets invited to an exorcist meeting. He is not too happy about it, but at least the view is great.
Harry Potter
Three's Family by darkbluedark
It’s May 1979 and the Order has just apprehended a pair of mysterious wizards who look remarkably like a Potter and a Malfoy. Naturally, James Potter and Sirius Black are called in to identify the strangely familiar strangers and determine their backgrounds and loyalties.
(This would be a lot easier if their captives weren’t convinced everyone they talk to is dead. It would also be easier if they didn’t spend half their bloody time bickering.)
-
“Just ask them questions only they would know the answer to,” Malfoy suggests.
“There’s not a single thing that I know about either of them from the first war that any old Death Eater couldn’t find out.”
“How is that possible?” Malfoy huffs. “He’s your father!”
“Am I or am I not famously an orphan?” Potter snarls.
Once More Unto The Boggart by darkbluedark
Professor Lupin let out his breath very slowly. “So this is why you think you’ve been struggling to make progress with the Patronus charm? Because a part of you wants to let the dementor close, in a way, in order to hear your parents?”
Harry nodded again, though more guiltily this time. “I want to let the boggart out, just once, and, er, not cast the charm."
Those Who Have Seen by darkbluedark
Only those who have seen death can see thestrals.
It turns out, thestrals look different for those who have seen Death.
#happy halloween!!#this isn't a spooky/halloween themed post#i'm just excited that it's halloween#my posts#fic recs#weekly fic round up#hp recs#merlin recs#m!ik recs#ny recs#svsss recs
221 notes
·
View notes
Text
binary stars
part 0.5. EQUIPMENT ROOM
NOW PLAYING . . . no other heart by mac demarco
iwaizumi opened the door for them as they arrived.
“how’s he holding up?” hanamaki asked, stepping in first. him and matsukawa both had their usual relaxed faces, with small smiles on their lips. sure, a part of them were worried for their friend's wellbeing but overall they were finding his struggles stupidly entertaining.
“he’s got his head in his hands, grabbing his hair like he’s gonna tear it out but he would never actually do it. not much else,” iwaizumi shrugged, closing the door behind them.
when they saw him, his knees were pulled to his chest and he stared blankly at the wall.
“damn, you messed up that bad?” matsukawa took a seat next to him.
oikawa only curled up into a tighter ball, hiding his face, “yes.”
“you wanna tell us what happened? maybe we can help,” hanamaki offered, sitting on the floor along with iwaizumi so that the four formed a small circle.
“she found out i liked someone and when she asked who i said i couldn’t tell her like an idiot,” oikawa answered. “i want to dig myself a hole and never come out.”
matsukawa and hanamaki shared a look while iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “how’d she find out?” hanamaki asked.
“bokuto said something about it,” iwaizumi answered.
“and now i’m doomed,” oikawa lamented, finally lifting his head up, “how do i come back from this? even if she did like me a little bit before this, now i’ve made it seem like i like someone else and that i don’t trust her.”
iwaizumi only shook his head. he'd already heard all of this before, from both oikawa and y/n.
“she’s not going to give up that easy. you’ve been close friends with her for years, give her a little more credit. and you need to not give up this easy,” iwaizumi said, staring oikawa dead in the eyes.
“yeah, you can still amend this, and you better. try spending more time with her, and act normal with her, or flirt, you’re always doing that with other girls,” hanamaki suggested.
“that’s because i don’t care about them,” oikawa ran his hands through his hair with a sigh, “it’s all fake when i flirt, but when i’m with her, i’m just all open with my feelings, you know? i can’t flirt when i’m like that, and even if i do, what if she thinks i’m just toying with her? that’s even worse.”
“well then, it sounds like you really like her,” matsukawa caught oikawa’s gaze, “do you want to tell her or not? if you’re serious about this, then that’s more reason to fix this. make her know that things are normal between you guys, which will show her that you’re still comfortable with her. then, get closer to her.”
prev. | m.list | next
extras <3
at certain times iwa gets so fed up and is on the verge of saying things like "OFC SHE FUCKING TEXTED ME ABOUT WHAT YOU FUCKING TEXTED HER SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU YOU BLIND ASSWIPE" but he knows if he says anything like that he'll just get "oh that can't be 🥺 she would never like me blah blah woe is me" and has just given up
when tooru texted y/n she saw what he had texted her a few days ago again which only continued to make her feel conflicted about how he was treating her
tooru genuinely cannot and will never flirt with yn bc he wants to be all sweet and honest with her he never wants to even act like he's toying with her
hinata is begging takeda and kiyoko for another practice match with seijoh bc he wants to see y/n again <3
taglist: @anonnreader777 @daisy-room @deluluforcarlos55 @eggyrocks @hikikaimar @httpakkeiji @intergalacticrory @localgaytrainwreck @mitfloya @reallyvexin @sunarins @usermins @yenonnoff @wyrcan (form to be added to taglist <3)
#oikawa tooru#tooru oikawa#oikawa tooru x reader#tooru oikawa x reader#oikawa x reader#oikawa smau#haikyuu smau#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#hq#hq x reader
97 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Couple of Chaos” : A Kim Namjoon/RM Commissioned Request: Plus Size Reader, Messy Reader
Kim Namjoon x Reader, Plus Size Reader, Messy Reader, Established Relationship
.
.
Prompt: Namjoonie and his partner who is just as much of a mess as him. A darling. A lovely person. Love of his life. But just as much of a chaotic mess as he is, lol.
.
“Life is the messy bits.” - Lisa Friedman
.
Headcanons: How Namjoon and Reader deal with the both of them being messy as hell.
First and freaking foremost, you’re both disasters
just full on
You’re both equally chaotic
one as bad as the other
and yet ya’ll will get on each other’s nerves so bad with messes
like…. ya’ll both do it and yet when it’s the other person it’s somehow terrible
hypocrites, the both of yuns
that being said, in a way, ya’ll kinda complete each other
Namjoon is a perpetual passport loser right?
And I’ve lost count of how many times he’s lost his air pods
Well, cue…. you
His personal storage locker… or purse. Whichever you want to refer to it
If you carry a purse, just snatch his shit from him and keep up with it so this man can actually board a plane
If you don’t carry a purse but wear a bra, stick it in the boulder holder
If you don’t do either, put it in your pocket for him
If you don’t have pockets then you have bigger problems to worry about that Namjoon-ah and his lack of ability to keep up with his shit
Now, assuming that you do have these things, you do this so often that Namjoon just knows you have them.
Needs chapstick? If you’re in a relatively private company, he just goes into your pocketeses for it
Passport? Ok, so Namjoon is smart as fuck. We get it. However, he do be having some primo himbo energy at times.
Picture this: Airport. Namjoonie lost passport. “Oh, wait a second. I know where it is!” Just turns and sticks his hand in your bra and deep sea dives in the titties until he has found what he’s looking for. Assuming that you have titties. If you don't, well again- homeboy is just deep sea diving in whatever area you're currently keeping his belongings.
meanwhile, the eyes of everyone around him have been scarred and you’ve just been violated in front of the entire airport
he realizes this in about 3 seconds and all he can do is give you that cute dimpled smile
of course he’s forgiven. It’s Joonie. If you don’t forgive him then I’ll be along directly to deliver an ass whoopin'. Let's not play with sweet Namu's precious feelings. He's an angel and a perfectly wonderful person. Fuck with him and you fuck with me. And I have raged stored from the age of three. I am now in my 30s. I have it and I will use it.
so yeah
and going back to ya’ll getting on each other’s nerves
doom piles
There. I said it.
Ya’ll both got doom piles and junk drawers and whole ass closets just full of random crap
and you nearly kill each other over it on a regular basis
“Jagiyaaaaaaaaaaa! Come on! There is a full on mountain of stuff here and you can’t even close this drawer.”
“Namjoon, would you like to discuss the entire guest bedroom full of figurines? Or perhaps, the closet full of books? Or maybe, just maybe, you would like to explain to me why there is an drawer in our bedroom full of baby things when neither one of us has any plans of having children anytime soon?”
“....” *Joon bites lip and narrows eyes
“....” *you lift a brow*
“Alright, jagi. My mistake. You hungry?”
“Yes, I’m starving.”
“Wonderful.” he smirks. “Where would you like to eat?”
Your head slowly turns around.
You narrow your eyes at his smug ass face.
“How fucking dare you, Kim Namjoon?”
And he has the audacity to smirk at you because he knows he bested you cause you can’t decided where to eat to save your life.
Jokes on him though because you just needed a project. It was sorting through your doom piles but now that he’s pissed you off it quickly changed to annoying the ever living hell out of him.
Lowkey though, jokes actually on you because Joon loves it when your fiesty and sometimes purposefully does this shit just to rile you up.
You also know this about him though. Which is why you left the junk drawer open and also why you got sassy.
He likes that you’re a mess and you love that about him too.
.
.
"This is the stuff that drives me crazy This is the stuff that's getting to me lately In the middle of my little mess I forget how big I'm blessed"
- This is the Stuff, Francesca Battistelli
.
Members Reaction to the Deities of Destruction and Disaster:
Seokjin: (A/N: omfg Seokjin you did not have to be so aggressively attractive. And that goes for you too, Namjoon)
Long suffering sigh. The hyung energy is strong here. It’s part frustration and part pure bewilderment as to why, how and what even is he going to do with the both of you. That being said, Seokjinnie thinks the two of you are super cute together. You definitely get scolded but also, he cracks easily because come on. Look at ya’ll. Thanks God every day that Namjoon uses you as his purse though. He is so tired of standing around in an airport, lol.
Yoongi: (A/N: Cue the dreamy sigh. Just look at them. Look at the smiles. Look at the damn ARMS!)
I’m gonna be so for real with you right now. He does not give a shit about the mess. I mean, don’t get his things in a mess but if you roll up in a 2003 lifted Tacoma, open the door and a bunch of shit falls out… I mean, maybe he might give you a little bit of a lecture but honestly? That’s ya’ll’s problem, lol. But also stop losing ya’ll fucking airpods, the both of you. If a bra works then do that because he will not be loaning you another pair ever again. And he refuses to talk about why.
Hoseok: (A/N: Mother of God. I have the fattest crush on Hoseok. Also peep that cute little Kookie. And how DARE you attack me like this, Namjoon?!)
Never in the history of ever was anyone annoyed more by this than Hoseok, lol. However, he doesn’t bitch. Oddly enough, he never complains about it. He never bitches. He never lectures. He does, however, come over to hang out and help the both of you clean your mess. Hoseok is great for body doubling if you have ADHD. However, if you have an issue with him doing the cleaning it might be an issue. It makes him itch and he needs to scratch it.
Jimin: (A/N: It's unspeakable how much handsomeness is in this gif.)
An actual ANGEL for body doubling if you have ADHD and you’re trying to handle the depression hoarder situation in your bedroom. Super respectful and understanding. He just enjoys spending time with his loved ones so he would gladly come help if you want it or just keep the both of you company. Because clearly body doubling does not with you and Joon together. You just make it a bigger mess. Acknowledging this: Jimin finds this chaos hilarious and doesn’t do anything to stop. Ya’ll are wild and unkempt and honestly? Jiminie is here for it.
Side note: I am particularly attached to Jimin in this gif. Look how beautiful. Look how handsome. I swear, that man is dangerous. We are all very, very, very lucky that he's such a sweetheart because don't act like if he asked you for a kidney that you wouldn't immediately start looking for something to carve with . And if that happened to be a spoon, we'd all just accept our fate. Don't lie.
Extra Sidenote: Namjoon be looking extra delectable. *chef's kiss*
Taehyung: (A/N: First of all, damn Namjoon. Those arms. Sweet lord. I'm looking, Joonie. Respectfully, of course..... but I do be lookin. Second, does Taehyung not look like the most precious creature in all the land?)
A precious darling. He does not give a shit about the mess. He just loves his hyung. He loves his hyung’s love. Ya’ll are special to him and that’s how you are. He thinks it is part of ya’ll’s charm and your charm as a couple. Ya’ll are a messy couple but not in the having your dirty laundry out for everyone to see way. In a “aw, Jiminie, look at them. They are such tragic disasters but they’re disasters together.” kind of way. He will find a way to make it romantic no matter what.
Jungkook: (A/N: Just Jungkook out here living his best y/n life, honestly, lol. )
Ok, so here’s the thing, lol. Jungkookie has had his own issues with messes here and there. Also, let's be honest.... he's got the fattest crush on Namjoon, lol. His crush on Namjoon may even rival the crush I have on Hoseok. Like, I kinda doubt it because there ain't much I wouldn't do for that man but still. Jungkook loves him's Namjoonie. He loves all that Namjoon-ah is associated with. He's his biggest fan, lol. With you, it is honestly the same. Like... his hyung is in love? Who is this person that has captured the heart of the most magnificent Namjoonie? If you managed to do that and Namjoon is happy.... honestly Jungkook adores you. Regardless of the hopeless fucking messes that the both of you clearly are. He and Taehyung share this but in addition to this, Jungkookie will literally help you with anything you need. He just wants to hang out with you both so he'll do like his Jimin hyung and either just chill while you sort or he'll help you. Or just hang out in the chaos and not solve anything, lol. He just loves his hyung and he loves his hyung's love as well. It's as simple as that.
.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading my content and thank you so much to @alisoncdariel for commissioning this piece! I hope you enjoy it!
Permanent Taglist:
@thickemadame
@toomanyfictionalboyfriends
@blackirisposts
@alisoncdariel
@therealmrshale
@thegreatirene
@angelus320
@thedarkwinterrose
@m-rae23
@shycupcakealissa
@minshookie29
@kelly-fushiguro345
@vj21
@btsiguess-kpop
@abc-abc1234-a
@pinkcherrybombs
@speedyhandsbonkpalace
@sunnysidesblog
@milkshakelol
@poopypantsmcgee666-blog
@lyn-g
@glassesandthunderthighs
@tacobacoyeet
@owenniasstars
@adventuresofnight
@queenlexusloverofbts
@leah-halliwell92
@amethyst09
@kalliravenne
@sullybot
@disneymarina
@mother2monsters
@maxis140403
@fortunecookiesworld
@lathalea
@skyys-universe
#kim namjoon#namjoon#kim namjoon imagine#kim namjoon headcanons#bts#kpop#bangtan sonyeondan#kim namjoon x reader#kim namjoon x ps reader#ps reader#plus size reader#kim namjoon x plus size reader#bts rm#rm imagine#rm headcanons#rm x reader#rm x ps reader#rm x plus size reader#messy reader#bts headcanons#bts reactions
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
Avengers Doomsday Theory
Been a long time since I’ve done a theory post, but I had to get this out there just in case it actually happens.
So I’ve seen everybody saying they think Dr Doom is gonna kill Loki and absorb his powers in order to reach god emperor status, but this is both anticlimactic story-wise, likely to piss off a lot of long-time fans, and also throwing away arguably one of Marvel’s only powerhouse characters/franchises since Endgame. But it’s undeniable that they probably are going to go the Molecule Man route, since that’s the most convenient way to explain Doom getting so strong. So here’s how I think it’ll happen.
Doom will find a way to siphon off the life force of the multiverse- the temporal energy that runs through all the timelines, keeping them alive (which is really just Loki’s power). He’ll use that go on his universe-hopping quest to do god-knows-whatever his endgame is. Since this energy source is theoretically infinite, he just keeps getting more and more powerful along the way.
Loki, of course, can tell this is happening. But the problem lies in his unique position and the way his powers seemingly work now.
Before anyone says anything- yes, Loki can rewrite stories. But we’ve mostly just seen him do it on a larger scale- deleting branches, bringing back dead timelines, encouraging nexus events, etc. Based on all the evidence we have so far, in order to “rewrite stories” on a smaller scale, he has to actually timeslip into the universe he wants to change and manually manipulate events until he gets the desired outcome.
He’s already shown that he has trouble with navigation. He can go to any timeline whether it still exists or not, hop into different universes, access places that aren’t even part of the multiverse- but just because he has the ability to reach these places doesn’t necessarily mean he has the knowledge. From what we’ve seen, it’s only easy for him to do it if it’s somewhere he’s been before or somewhere a variant of his loved ones exists so he can use them as anchor points. It’s implied that he can track temporal auras across the multiverse, but that’s only if he’s familiar with those auras. There’s no real precedent for how he’d navigate if he had none of these things to go on. Just because he’s sitting on the throne doesn’t really mean anything- it’d be hard as hell to find a specific supermarket on a world map if you were looking at it in its entirety and had no idea which hemisphere to focus on. I imagine it would be doable, but very difficult.
So I think it’s gonna be a case of Loki knowing Doom is sucking power from him and the tree, but not knowing exactly where he is to take him out. He can’t leave his throne for long periods, so it’s not like he could go and search everywhere and gather clues and interrogate people for his whereabouts, etc. The only way for Loki to cut off Doom’s power supply would be to stop powering the timelines altogether. But then they’d all die, so of course he’s never gonna do that.
And there lies the problem. Doom absorbs power from Loki until he’s nearly unstoppable, the whole time going around to different universes wreaking havoc in order to achieve whatever goal he has. Loki’s trapped- acting as the Molecule Man and basically just being a battery for the big bad due to his unwillingness to let the tree die. So how’s he supposed to get out of this pickle? He enlists the TVA and the multiversal avengers to hunt down Doom and fight him, of course!
This even fits with most of the rumors I’ve seen from insiders. Sylvie’s likely the one Loki sends to recruit the new avengers, like folks were saying. Doom does absorb Loki, like they said, just not in a draining-him-dry-til-he-dies kinda way. Loki would be a big part of the movie but have very little screen time (this plot would only require like… a 3 minute intro scene with him and then he could be absent until the last 5 minutes) as was speculated.
Since we know Secret Wars and Battleworld are coming, I would imagine this all ends in the avengers failing and Loki eventually having to leave the throne to try to take care of it himself. This, of course, would lead to the multiverse falling apart and it would also leave the Citadel open to being taken over by someone else while he’s gone (likely Doom). And you know what? Maybe that was his plan all along- to goad Loki into leaving the throne so he could steal it. Who knows.
I’m curious as to what Loki’s role would be in Secret Wars if this happens though. If the timelines all fell apart because he left, that would cause some massive guilt for him. If Doom is now on his throne, there must be something stopping him from just popping in and removing him lol. Maybe he doesn’t realise someone else is occupying the Citadel for awhile? Maybe he’s weak from all the power sucking and has to regain his strength? Maybe there’s something else at play- hostages, new multiverse logic, emotional stuff? I have no idea.
#I wanna see other people’s thoughts on this though because this is one of the very rare instances#where I legitimately think I’ve nailed it#cause let’s be real#they’re not gonna kill loki right off the bat and they’re not gonna take his new powers permanently#that would be going too much against fan’s wishes#at a time when marvel really really needs their fans to be satisfied#anyway#mcu Loki#loki meta#secret wars#avengers doomsday#doomsday#god loki#loki series#loki finale#mcu#mcu theory
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thanks for the tag @sage-nebula !! Been a minute since I’ve done one of these ✨
Last song: “Not Sorry For Loving You” from EPIC: The Vengeance Saga. Probably my favorite from the most recent saga — loooove Calypso’s voice
Fave color: greeeeeen! I’ve probably tried to pin it down more specifically in the past, but the shade of green fluctuates tbh. Olive green, forest green, sage green, seafoam green, emerald green, jewel-toned phthalo green… all of them live in my heart tbh. (aaand I’m just a sucker for cool colors in general lmao)
Last book: I’m finally getting back to a place where I feel like I could try reading again!! Last book I started was Cultish by Amanda Montell, and I have a lot of other promising reads I checked out on a rare feel-good day and haven’t cracked open yet (which might be overdue; they’ll return home soon 💀)
Last movie: When Marnie Was There! My brother and I have been trying to catch up by watching some Studio Ghibli movies from time-to-time (hadn’t heard of any outside of Ponyo until I was out of high school… OOPS—), and Marnie was next on our list. Looots of big feelings about that story.
Last tv show: main things I’m (mostly) keeping up with tv-wise are DanDaDan and NCIS: Origins. I’m thiiiinking about starting Moriarty the Patriot, and everyone’s praise for Arcane has me curious 👀
Sweet/savory/spicy: heavy on the savory tbh. There’s appreciation for the sweet and spicy forsure, but savory is at the top for me currently!!
Relationship status: friendship is magic NEXT QUESTION
Last thing I searched: I can’t lie, that poll I reblogged about soup had me looking up Italian wedding and pumpkin soup recipes. Tumblr is makin me HONGRY
Current obsession: LMM frEakin bit me again; Warriors (2024) has been stuuuuck in my head and on repeat for days. Those are my giiiirls. So many fun genres to explore in a musical! Outside of that and the usual suspects (bears, the swimmies, etc), I’d probably have to say Pokémon TCGP and Pokémon Sleep. I still need to pull my beloved Snorlax and Venusaur on TCGP (or some worthwhile dark types to progress in the solo battle challenges), and I was so happy to wake up to a baby Bulbasaur next to my Snorlax on Sleep this morning <333 I’m such a sucker for lil guys
Looking forward to: soon? I get to visit my grandma again tomorrow! I’ve been trying to see her close to weekly since she’s been in that nursing home (and since they allowed for safe masked visits), and each day I still have with her is a gift 💕 hospice and general QoL decline have been a process, but on days she’s doing alright, she adores getting to see me <3 beyooond that, I’m looking forward to the sakadays anime in January!!
Favorite drink: tough one!! Umm, I’ve been on a rootbeer kick on and off for the past year so that’s def up there. Apple juice and fruit punches are good sometimes as well, same with Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb. I’ve been a water guy lately tbh, but I like a fun lil drink now and then!! OOH I need to have wassail again soon 🤤
Song playing on a loop in your head: “Call Me Mercy” from Warriors, due to the aforementioned obsession. Something particularly earwormy about that one. Other songs from the musical come to me in snippets, but that one is fully on loop
Current favorite character: outside of the permanent mind residents (I see green and blue in everything), Fox from Warriors and Taro Sakamoto from SakaDays have been spinning around in there, along with their friends. Momo and Okarun are also bickering up in the mind palace, naturally
Fun activity you would like to get into: I just need to get back to cultivating my hobbies now that I’m a lil less doom and gloom than I was a month ago. I guess different forms of crafting are always on this list. I took a drawing class/session at the library last week that looked into the basics of light and shadow, so maybe I can get into graphite and charcoal sketching!! I used to try some charcoal stuff years ago without instruction, and experimenting it was fun enough to try again.
Last video game: Balatro my beloved !!! It’s been surprisingly fun, despite my fear of deck-builders in the past. I think it helps that there’s a lot of chance and variety to it, so each run can be a chance to try something new.
Last comic/graphic novel: I guess Blue Exorcist? Again, it’s been a minute since I’ve been in a mindset to read 😅 I’m probably going to catch back up on it soon, and I’ve been planning on doing a sakadays reread since my brother just started reading it. We’ll see what happens!!
No pressure tagging @ahobbitincamelot @tonfea @shenyaanigans @reikunrei @lithopsy @celesteeal @suhmayzooka and anyone else who feels like yapping 💚💚💚
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
castlevania, season 3 starters.
the following is a collection of sentence starters from the netflix original, castlevania.
oh, my god. i am losing my mind.
it’s only been a month. i think.
i think it might actually be a nice night, for once.
do you think we’ll make the next town before we lose the last of the light?
do we need to make more noise?
they need to hurry up. i’m hungry.
let them get in close and get confident.
oh, god, not this again.
i am certainly doomed. doomed, i say! i am defenseless and frozen to my seat with fear!
laying it on a little thick, aren’t you, (name)?
this will all be over in a minute.
what if i said i was sorry?
i’ve been promoted from “brain - damaged servant”, then.
it’s absolutely bloody chaos out there!
i want to get in a bath, for at least a day.
the plan couldn’t have gone more wrong.
you’ll be wanting a drink, then.
you do still love me!
it’s us against the world, (name).
has there been some apocalyptic development that i somehow slept through in the meantime?
time absolutely does move on, and, sadly, none of us is master or mistress of it.
they are somewhat, uh, broken.
did you kill it?
how do you know this?
they said they felt his death.
does that offend you?
it’s time for you and yours to move along now, (name).
what the hell was that?
oh, dear. what a shame.
not until i feel a little safer here.
you killed that bastard thing. you get one free.
that is better than sex.
i do hope you sleep well tonight, with my tiny, icy foot shoved all the way up your —
and you know the smell of hell?
are you breathing, betrayer?
i was spoiled by a single act of kindness in this city. and so i attempted to be reasonable, honest, and peaceful. this was against my better nature.
it was stupid to expect anything other than hate from you.
i keep making the same mistake. i should know better.
then why are still talking to me?
do you know what annoys me about it the most? it’s a really good idea.
maybe we could just torture him until he does what he’s told.
i suppose i’m awake now.
good boy.
what a formidable beast you are.
uh … who the hell are you?
you are practically the jesus of murder.
i have no idea what’s happening right now.
and … what do you want in return?
what interests you so much about hell?
i will not be hunted.
if i wanted him dead, i would have aimed higher.
i am not “the” anything.
you’re better than i thought.
you will have to unlearn much of what you know about the world and take on more than you ever imagined.
i think my mother would approve.
now we are not alone.
i suppose we could take a break.
ah, you’ve gone insane.
you could have told me that yesterday.
well, now i want to know how you’re even alive.
the place is apparently full of lunatics.
what do you need to know?
they just looked … well. broken.
i’m not looking at you, (name).
you like looking at me.
do you partake of alcohol?
it’s not pain as you understand it.
i’m too angry. i cannot find myself.
i cannot pray. i cannot see god.
he was confused. he was grieving.
it is a skill, learned over many years.
through my hand, god lifts the damned from hell in his mercy to enact their penance on the earth as my soldiers.
well after you’ve had your blood, what will you do then?
i’ve been cruel. it’s a cruel world. maybe we do all deserve to die — but maybe we could be better, too.
revenge is good. bastards need punishing.
vampires. you like to play with your food.
sorry. it must look like blood, mustn’t it?
i seem to have some roasted chicken in here. i’m afraid there are no maggots on it — i can call the guard and ask him to get you some sprinkles.
we enjoy all the good things of life. it’d be silly not to, wouldn’t it? otherwise, well, why live forever, if you’re not going to live well?
why live forever, if you’re not going to live well?
it’s alright. i’m not here to cause you any more harm.
let’s just have something to eat, and talk.
well! wasn’t that fun!
i’m a diplomat, (name). i make peace. and because of that, people think i’m soft. people think i’m weak. you won’t make that mistake again, will you?
fetch!
don’t look at those.
how long have you been here on your own?
tell me i’m wrong.
i admit it, alright? it’s been amazing. but i also remember how hard it was to get here.
i wish you’d stop talking to me like i’m insane, (name).
we wear the mark of hell?
i confess i had doubts about you.
enough. move away.
quietly confident people are competent and careful. nervous people make mistakes.
i’d rather they were nervous than happy in their work.
stop pretending that this is anything other than what it is.
it’s not poisoned.
let’s talk about what you would like.
i — i don’t understand the question.
i wasn’t necessarily looking for a reward.
so, you would have died with your boots on.
but what if you’re lying to me?
oh, i don’t have to lie to you. i have no interest in faith. faith makes for terrible diplomacy.
i like the sound of your voice.
i mean, look at you. beaten down a dozen different ways, and you don’t give up on yourself.
what a monster i have become.
i cannot believe this is happening again.
why do i keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result?
am i mad?
what the hell are you doing with your life?
what the actual hell are you thinking?
you weren’t following me, were you?
somebody always needs something.
places have a strange way of catching back up with you.
and you know it wasn’t there yesterday?
oh. that’s worrying,
i want to see how good you are when it comes down to a blade.
i’m developing a taste for the rougher things in life.
i do not trust people, generally.
who did you lose?
a bird might think your penis was a twig and fly off with it.
good boy.
the thing is, (name), humans forget things. vampires don’t.
you have a lot to learn.
so dramatic. relax and enjoy the night.
alright, i admit it. that’s fantastic.
is this a trick? am i dreaming?
i had a feeling you might find it interesting.
can i see you tomorrow night?
that’s a depressing thought.
i hope i love long enough to find out how it ends.
we — we shouldn’t be … here.
take my hand! please!
i’m sure there must have been a time when i had nice dreams.
do you remember who you were?
i think it was a long time ago.
i gave up others so that i may live.
thank you for my second life.
it will take a very long time, and there are more important things to do.
i’m not going anywhere, (name).
it’s a little more complicated than that.
not an obvious thing to find in a church.
i don’t see why this would excite you so.
i fail to see why this should interest me.
you’re alone here?
i smell you.
i see you.
i’m just not as strong as i was.
there are worse things than betrayal.
i’m a simple man with simple pleasures.
oh, i do like meeting a professional killer.
keep a civil fucking tongue in your head when you’re addressing me, (name).
you can’t keep me here.
i can’t believe i tried to be nice to you.
why are you still awake?
can you not keep it down?
well, now i definitely need a drink.
he’s holding things back from us.
can it be after i’ve had a nap?
i’m not lazy. i conserve my resources for important
efforts.
i feel as if i’ve been led here.
we’re doomed.
i don’t have enough information yet.
i seem to have missed that epic part of your plan.
you’re being … kind.
alright, alright. no need to make a production out of it.
i’m simply not used to people being kind to me for no reason.
there’s not something you’re not telling me?
has night fallen already?
you didn’t hear me enter.
i’m presuming there’s some disturbing reason for that and i will regret asking.
so now we’re not all monsters?
diplomacy is compromise.
i get something, you get something.
i have all the power, and you’re a pretty man in a box.
i’m — i’m pretty?
i’ve been awake all day thinking about it.
i want to be let out.
that would be a direct betrayal.
you’d survive less than a day on your own.
i would die almost immediately.
uh, that wasn’t what i was expecting to hear.
i think we’ve made a terrible mistake.
god is no longer in that house.
sleep, you idiot.
maybe i should get a coffin to sleep in.
tell me you’re mine.
i’m yours.
tell me you belong to me.
i belong to you.
what the fuck is that?
i may have been on my own for too long.
another hopeful idea that died in its sleep.
(name), do you have my back?
you’re already dead.
why? why would you tell me this?
all this death and horror for that leech?
show me what i want to see, you fucking bastard!
i gave you everything.
the world is not against you.
i am not against you.
i never lied to you.
i just want to know what’s behind that door.
this could not have gone more wrong.
#rp sentence starters#rp sentence meme#rp ask meme#rp prompts#ask memes#ask prompt#sentence starter meme#sentence starters#inbox memes#roleplay memes
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hi all!! I’m gonna try and keep this fairly simple and to the point, I am craving a good solavellan rp, where I would be playing my Lavellan, Veira! I go by Glimmer, I use she/they pronouns, and I’m 20! I’m newer to the dragon age fandom, and I have only played inquisition so far, but I have utterly fallen in love with the world and the lore, not to mention the characters. I’m looking for someone 18+ (that part is non negotiable) who will be happy to chat ooc, exchange dumb headcannons about our characters, or videos or images that we find that remind us of them. I would prefer that we write in third person, but I’m happy for the length to vary from Semi-lit (think one paragraph) all the way to novella. I just want to have fun, more than anything else - build a world and a plot we both enjoy, mess around with our characters and have a good time! I’m happy to write NSFW, but I will ask that we go 70% plot, 30% smut, or something along those lines. If you’re interested, reach out to me here or on my discord glimmeringtrickster. Below I’ll put two plot ideas I’ve had rattling around in my head <3
Timetravel misadventures - perhaps instead of Dorian and the inquisitor being sent forward in time, the spell could have been miscast in a much more dangerous way. Perhaps it sent the inquisitor (with either Dorian, alone, or with Solas) back to the time of the ancient Elvhes. If she is sent back with Dorian or alone, perhaps she comes face to face with the older version of Solas - with Fen’Harel. A much different version of the elf she is growing to care for, and a much different side of him. If she goes back with Solas himself, I imagine him coming into contact with his old self and the issues of his world might unsettle him, make him uncomfortable. Especially if the inquisitor were to see all of that - all while trying to find a way back to their own time, together.
The dread wolf’s reincarnated lover - a good ol’ reincarnation plot. Solas’s lover from his own world who died when he doomed the world is reincarnated within the inquisitor - she doesn’t have any of her memories at first, but they very slowly start to come back to her, at first through feelings of familiarity and dreams. Solas might recognise her immediately - perhaps they’re identical, perhaps it’s her soul itself that he recognises instantly. Either way, his plans have just become a whole lot more difficult to carry out, given he’ll be killing his love all over again.
#solavellan#solas rp#solas roleplay#dragon age inquisition rp#dragon age inquisition roleplay#da:i rp#da:i roleplay#solavellan rp#solavellan roleplay#1x1 discord rp#1x1 dragon age rp#1x1 roleplay#rp search#roleplay search#rp partner wanted
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
cassandra newgrounds for the character ask game ? (i'm not sure if youre familiar w pico's school tbh)
I am vaguely familiar with Cassandra so if I don’t know I’ll just say so sorry :(
[tw bc it’s pico’s school characters, I’m gonna mention the shooting I’m sorry]
1! The design’s cool I like her
2! Uuuhhhhhhhh. Demon ig?
3! Girlie fr shot up a school just because of a crush like damn girl… yandere
4! Hm. Either Halo or Doom tbh. I wanna see what she does
5! Random asf but killer queen . I don’t even know why. (She’ a motherfucking killer queen a psychopath at 17 a beauty in a bloodstained dress-)
6! I dunno :(
7! THE OUTFIT FROM RIVALS/CATFIGHT (idk the name of the song). GIVE HER BIG PRETTY OUTFITS PLEASE (big talk, you don’t know batshit/girl bye, don’t get your tongue tied)
8! This isn’t directly related to her but when she’s not blamed for what she did. It was NOT pico, he SAVED THEM. SHE shot the place.
9! If she’d be calm and wouldn’t kill me, yes
10! Probably. Chaos and demons go together apparently
11! …eh. Maybe? Depends
12! They make her really pale when if I’m being honest I’ve always seen her as like. Half Mexican or smth. Give her a bit of a tan please/nf
13! Idk what this question really means so I’m just gonna give the list of emojis I think she’d use. Most of these are probably used sarcastically btw (😃☺️😏😒😡🤬🤗🫡🤥😶🙄🥱🤧🤮🤠🤡👹👿😈💩💀☠️)
14! Dark academia, grunge, punk, and scene core
15! Don’t have one (aroace headcanon go brrr. If she had a crush on pico but then after that whole incident she realized she had convinced herself she liked him bc the other girls wouldn’t stop asking who she liked and she just chose someone random and didn’t really like him)
16! Almost all of em, but I especially despise Cassandra X Pico
17! Cassandra X Nene. It’s not THAT bad. Because lesbians are fucking awesome. But like. I headcanon almost all of them as aroace tbh 😭 (Pico and Darnell are aromantic and asexual respectively, and both of the girls are aroace)
18! I dunno :(
19! I dunno :(
20! I know most of this post has been pico’s school but Girlfriend might get along with her. Hell yeah go cause chaos demon ladies
21! Haven’t really written for her (yet) but I absolutely LOVE making her curse a whole bunch. It’s not necessary, but I love doing it. She just seems like she would as a teenager yk?
22! Haven’t really read anything for Cassandra but please. Please. Don’t make her soft. “Hey, you okay? It’s okay, it’s okay, I gotcha…” NO. NO NO NO NO NO. She is MEAN. She is AGGRESSIVE. She’s gonna say “L fucking bozo” and then call someone else to come help you because SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
23! I dunno :(
24! Bakugou. I don’t know why. He just does.
25! First impression; she’s sorta weird but she looks cool. Now; she’s cool. Don’t look at her much but she’s cool.
No freebie question was submitted therefore no 26
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
enthusiastic cuddles accompanied by squeaky noises
beejhawk because of course. but what if bj is being a mopey idiot and hawkeye at his best clown behavior gets bj to wrap his arms around him, and proceeds to squeak in various ways whenever bj shifts. all in an attempt to get him to laugh. tighter hug means loud and insane squeak. let’s up some and the squeak gets a bit more pathetic sounding. IDK IS THIS ANYTHING
HI SHAN YES IT'S EVERYTHING!! I think ur description is cuter than my final product 😭 but I had fun anyway:
3. enthusiastic cuddles accompanied by squeaky noises
BJ sighed, exaggeratedly, from the bedroom, just as Hawkeye was stepping out of the shower.
“You’re back,” Hawkeye said, poking his head out.
“I’m back,” BJ said.
He was pretzeled up in their easy chair: legs thrown over one of its arms, tie loose, face in his hands.
“How was surgery?” Hawkeye said. He scrubbed his hair with a towel.
“It went well. Perfect, really. Thank you for talking me through that last bit,” BJ said.
Hawkeye had been glad to help. It had been a stressful week for the both of them: complicated surgeries, long hours, hardly any time to themselves. They were coming out of it now, though. It was nearly the weekend.
“Then what are you all doom and gloom for?” Hawkeye said.
“Traffic, headache, haven’t seen you all day,” BJ said.
He looked up at him, then, head tilting to one side. His expression was weary. He looked like he was in need of some cheering. If Hawkeye was honest with himself, the sight of Beej in their room, in their chair, home, and safe after a long day was instantly cheering. It was hard to believe, sometimes, that this was his life. It was hard to believe that when BJ came home he was coming home to him.
BJ groaned.
“And I’ve got that dentist appointment in the morning,” he said.
Hawkeye laughed. “It’s just a cleaning. You’ll be alright. Do you want me to tag along and hold your hand?” he said.
“I don’t like that dentist,” BJ said.
“What dentist? Our dentist? What’s wrong with our dentist?”
“He’s always asking me questions when he’s got his hands in my mouth. I can’t talk with hands in my mouth,” BJ said.
He tipped his head back and rubbed his eyes some more. Hawkeye watched him: the jutting of his chin, the gentle bobbing of his Adam’s apple, the hair on his arms, staticky, standing on end. He’d taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, but he was still far too clothed for the evening, in Hawk’s opinion.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Hawkeye said. He crossed his arms and leaned one shoulder on the doorframe.
“No,” BJ said, half a whine. “I just want to pause time for a little while.”
Paused time. Their world had been paused when they met. They’d been far away from their real lives and plans and responsibilities. Surgeries had been faster and time had been slower. They’d found each other in that pause. They’d found each other in the shaky inhalation that preceded a sob. They’d found each other in clasped hands and brushing dirt and blood off of olive green pants. They’d found each other in the moment before everything started up again, which was, of course, the wrong place to find someone you loved. There wasn’t supposed to be anything important in a pause.
And yet, here they were, still together in the moment after.
“I can help with that,” Hawkeye said. “Let me get dressed.”
“Do you have to?”
“Help or get dressed?”
BJ’s chin tipped forward. He looked at Hawk with hungry eyes.
“Get dressed,” he said.
“So demanding,” Hawkeye said, teasing.
He watched BJ watch him. He watched the way BJ’s gaze slid from Hawk’s face to the bare patch of chest that wasn’t covered by Hawk’s robe, and then lower. Hawkeye posed, grinning goofily, and perhaps ruining the effect.
BJ’s expression lifted, fractionally. He huffed out a laugh: amused, but still dedicated to his moping.
“C’mere,” BJ said. He slipped his legs off the chair’s arm, spread his knees wide, and opened his arms.
They’d tried several times to fit in this chair together, comfortably. Each time they’d failed. BJ’s legs fell asleep or Hawk managed to elbow him in the nose or they misjudged the chair’s stability and tipped it over.
“I don’t know why you insist on making this work,” Hawkeye said, gesturing to the chair. “You’re a man of science. You know that physics isn't on our side here.”
“I want to kiss you on all the furniture we own. You can’t blame me for that,” BJ said.
Hawkeye tucked himself into Beej’s lap. He leaned back against him and kissed the side of his face. BJ wrapped his arms around Hawkeye’s middle, burying his palms in the fabric of his robe and pressing his face into Hawk’s wet hair.
BJ exhaled, deeply. Hawkeye could feel the expansion and contraction of his lungs. He could feel Beej’s collar bones pressed against his shoulder blades. He squeezed him and Hawkeye squeaked.
BJ laughed. It was a low sound that buzzed through his chest. Hawkeye shivered. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure who was doing the cheering.
“What was that?” BJ said, curling in closer, against him.
“Waggle never had any squeaky toys?” Hawkeye said.
BJ squeezed him again and Hawk made a slightly different squeak (higher pitched, with character, evocative of a dog toy, he hoped).
BJ laughed again. Hawkeye turned to look at him, to confirm the bit was working. He was always doing that, during the war. He was always meeting Beej’s eyes and raising his eyebrows and coaxing him forward. There was something thrilling in their joking, back then. They were always straddling the line between innocent ribbing and outright flirtation.
BJ leaned in and kissed him.
Hawkeye thought he’d had enough pauses. There were new things to look forward to, like Beej’s fingers against his jaw and tongue in his mouth. There were pieces of furniture they hadn’t yet kissed on. And Hawk could always buy more furniture (a new loveseat, a chaise lounge, folding chairs for the porch, when it got sunny, a particularly long and sturdy shoe rack or coffee table, though that might be pushing it).
BJ pulled away.
“Are you ready for bed?” he said.
“Are you?” Hawkeye said.
BJ sighed again, smiling this time, and rolling his eyes to the ceiling. He wrapped his arms tighter around Hawk and squeezed once more. He muffled Hawk’s squeak with another kiss.
“I’ll set an alarm. We can have breakfast together, before the dentist,” Hawkeye said.
They could brush their teeth side by side, like the old days, elbow to elbow in the bathroom, looking at each other’s reflections in the narrow mirror. Sometimes Beej got toothpaste in his mustache. He’d pretend not to notice until Hawk pointed it out. It was another game they played: after coffee and toast, before pulling on shoes and buttoning coats.
Mornings were full of pauses.
BJ smiled. “Alright,” he said. “Lead the way.”
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I love your fics, TWR is one of my favorite coworker AUs to this day and BO deserves all the flowers it gets. I find it hard to leave comments sometimes as I’m reading since I usually need to chew on what I’ve read for a while to really decide what I want to say (and I never want to sound pushy for updates or whatever!), but I went back to leave a comment on one of your oneshots and found it deleted so that’s why I’m here. It was called A Life We Never Lived or something along those lines? The conversation you wrote between D/Hr involving the ring theory for grief literally lives in my brain. When Draco says something like “only you could create a system for grief and mismanage it”, maybe it was just a passing joke/throwaway line, but it felt so genuinely in character for both of them and really got to the core of why I love the Dramione dynamic in fics so much. Specifically post war/post canon with Hermione tackling her emotions with pure logic and not putting herself first, and Draco being kind of an ass but offering his own brand of support by recognizing shes struggling too and their sort of awkward kinship/healing together. It also just made me laugh out loud, your humor always comes through so well and that’s such a hard skill to develop! I know it wasn’t going to be overall lighthearted/HEA, but I loved what you had posted so far and just wanted to make sure you knew. Was there a reason you decided not to finish it/to delete it?
Ahaha! I really thought I'd gotten away with hiding that unfinished one-shot. It had all of 230 hits. Never in my wildest dreams did I think anyone would notice, let alone quote a line to me. Thank you, I'm incredibly flattered!
That poor fic was doomed from the start by an uncommitted author. The concept was to write a snapshot of their meeting on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts every year for a decade, with letters exchanged between meetings, a secret relationship, heartache, and an eventual painful breakup. Sort of a "right person, wrong time" quiet tragedy. I posted the first 3k and struggled through another unposted 5k before I called it quits.
Actually, I did a little mental postmortem on it when I took it down, because it confirmed some things about myself as a writer that I thought were good lessons. So, here you go:
1. I need a plot before I start. I mean, I knew this, but now I *extra* know it. I had only a rough idea of where I was going, and that is not enough for me. A pantser I am not.
2. I have to finish a fic before I post it. My fics are usually 95-100% complete before I post, and this was the exception that proves the rule. I'm not sure why the post-as-you-go method doesn't work for me, but writing became instantly 100x harder once I'd posted part of it (which I only did because of the fest deadline).
3. I'm not really in control of the plot. To me, creating an outline is the process of discovering the story, as though I'm documenting something that has already happened. I always feel as though there's really only one way a story can go, once I know the characters. Well, I figured out pretty quickly once I belatedly started plotting that this one does NOT have an unhappy ending, but rather an angsty yet ultimately happy one. And this was for the UHEA fest, so...
4. Just because I want to read it doesn't mean I want to write it. I could have finished it with a HEA and removed it from the fest, but once I realized it was a quiet story about the slow unfolding of a relationship over the course of a decade, I'm afraid that was the end of it. I think it would have been an understated, bittersweet, character-centric little relationship study, but none of those things light up my genre fiction-loving brain. Love to read it, but I just can't find the spark to write it. And thus died my dreams of ever writing literary fiction (kidding, I never had those).
So that's the story! I dug up the part you mentioned and had a fun time rereading. I liked it way more than I remembered, and I'm sorry it won't come to fruition. If I knew how to get myself to write something I wasn't wholly invested in, I would absolutely finish it for you.
From "Scenes From a Life We Never Lived":
Thank you so much for this ask. Sometimes if I'm having a bad writing day or if the imposter syndrome is hitting, I like to pretend someone out there is laughing at some stupid joke I wrote (or, since finishing my gothic, is having a pleasant nightmare). Usually my brain tries to convince me this is impossible. I stockpile your kind words as evidence.
#You asked I rambled#Dramione#cry me a river fest#I reserve the right to change my mind and repost it at any time
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
WIP Wednesday
Hi, hello. I haven't been active in a while. Truth is that I'm in my exam session, and a lot is happening in real life and I'm overwhelmed. However, @bostoniangirl21 tagged me last week and sharing my love for writing with you guys always puts me in a better mood! So here is a little snippet of Chapter 3 of 'Hymn of the High Seas' that I managed to write while I was still on vacation! Also, @sheirukitriesfandom tagged me to make some ocs with this picrew, and I'm using this post as a combo😆. Thank you guys so much for the tags, they really make my day <3 <3
I'm tagging @sheirukitriesfandom and @bostoniangirl21 back and also @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @dirty-bosmer @thelavenderelf @illumiera for either the wip, the picrew, both or none, whichever you want, of course. 💖💖
~
“IT’S HER! THE ONE WHO ESCAPED FROM STROS M’QAI! SHE FITS THE DESCRIPTION!” someone shouts, catching Signe’s attention and sending her mind spiraling into madness with fear, desperation and guilt of dragging Rhaim with her into this doom. Several Thalmor surround them, far too many to fight, even as a team. Signe’s letting herself get distracted, feeling almost paralyzed with fear. ‘Not them. I’ve dragged my crew into peril before we even set sail.’ she thinks, but her thought bubble is violently popped by arms capturing her, making her drop her scimitar to the ground.
“WE’VE CAUGHT THE DISGUSTING WORM!” A Thalmor shouts right by her ear, so hard that it’s now ringing. “You’re ours now, disgusting, filthy Nord! TAKE THE REST OF THEM ALONG! More practice dummies for our torture adepts-” is all he gets to day before his head gets cut off, falling to the ground with a haunting thud, rolling somewhere away. The others have little time to react because blades cleave through them like a reaper's scythe through a field of fragile blossoms, leaving behind a trail of blood and death. Thalmor bodies start falling around them, setting them free, and in the end, a cloaked figure stands with two katanas unseathed and arms open. The cloak is not like the rest of the thieves', signaling that whoever this is, is not with the Guild. Like fine silk, black robes fall on broad shoulders. The figure raises his head, showing a glimpse of fair skin and pale, pink lips.
“They’re looking for you. Why?” he asks, voice deep and an accent that Signe’s never heard before.
“We escaped Stros M’qai.” She says, panting, and the man finally lifts his gaze, piercing grey eyes looking at her from under a fringe of fine ebony hair.
“Wasn’t hearing things after all.” he huffs, the faintest hint of a smile gracing his lips. “Come with me. All of you.” he says swiftly, and starts moving through the crowd.
The crew exchange glances, silent agreements quickly passing by each and every one of them, and Signe starts catching up to their mysterious saviour.
~
Hmmmm, who could this mysterious saviour be? A new oc that I'm obsessed with, of course! He's Akaviri, and his name is Renjiro. Unfortunately, he's only going to be a secondary character in HOTHS, but he will appear more times throughout the fic!
And for the picrew, I chose to make him!! Look at my boy!
I have another oc that I made with this picrew, which is Edward!! He will be a crew member, and he's a sad blond blorbo (I have to have at least one sad blond blorbo in each project of mine apparently). Also, the hand that cups his face? It's a certain crewmate :D!
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. Read: I’ve been doom spiraling, and when I do that, my brain thinks about Ryan Kelley.
TL;DR: One fan's bond with the actor Ryan Kelley.
My friends, and Twitter followers know the story but I want to write it out here so I can always go back to it when I’m feeling down on myself.
I first met Ryan Kelley at HowlerCon in NJ in 2015. That year it was my first ever con so I was beside myself anxious. However, I got a photo op with Ryan because I’d loved him for years, since he was in Prayers for Bobby. That photo op didn’t turn out well, but I was proud of myself for actually doing it. That whole weekend I barely said ten words to him.
So, 7 months later in June 2016, when I saw him again at HowlerCon, I really expected Ryan to not recognize me at all. Instead, he grinned really big and said he was so happy to see me come back. He asked me for my name and smiled really big as he repeated it back to me. I had a meet and greet with him later that day, so we parted ways.
At the meet and greet, I was given the opportunity to ask a question. I asked him how hard it was to get into character for Bobby considering how morose the character always was and what ultimately happened to him. Ryan was so generous with his response and seemed genuinely happy someone had asked him about this movie.
At the end of the meet and greet I approached him directly and asked him if I could hand him something I had written for him. He told me sure, and I scrambled in my bag to find the letter. As I handed it to him, I conveyed that I was grateful he answered my question about Prayers for Bobby since it was such an important film for me. He returned the sentiment saying it was one of the most important roles he has ever done.
Later on that night, there was a party where the cast and fans could dance together and have a good time. I went, despite my anxiety, and I ended up finding Ryan on the edge of the crowd just watching. I was about to leave myself, having already used up all my social spoons, but a part of me told me I should go and talk to him. So I did. We ended up having a wonderful conversation about observing the world around us and about being from big families. He talked a bit about how his parents adopted a ton of kids, and I talked about how I had been adopted myself. Something shifted between us that day, and whatever the cause, I'm grateful it did.
The next day at his autograph session, he asked me if I was feeling better today. Then he held my hand as he signed for me, and I explained that I had anxiety which sometimes got in the way of me enjoying things. For the first time ever, Ryan wrote me a message on the image he signed for me, and he thanked me for coming.
HowlerCon convened again in June 2017, which was billed as being the last one. It made sense, considering that, at the time, the show was coming to a close. When they had announced their guests for that final year I kept waiting and waiting for them to announce Ryan's name. He was a staple for the con. So I knew he'd be attending, but as more and more got announced, I was certain he wasn't going to make it. But then, on April 21st, the con announced he was one of their Bonus Guests. I didn't see the announcement initially, but one of my con friends tagged me in a tweet response, saying they just knew I would be beside myself with that announcement.
I was excited, but then a confluence of events happened in my personal life that pushed that con completely from my mind until a few weeks before it was scheduled to happen. I bought all the photo ops with Ryan I could afford (resulting in a total of 3 different poses) and an autograph ticket along with a ticket to his meet and greet.
That year, I was excited and sad all at the same time. Ryan and I had many opportunities to talk and joke. His presence was a balm that I desperately needed at that time, considering the insanity of my life. He never once judged me for things I said or did, even if I bet more money than I should on an auction for a bobblehead of his character. When I didn't win the bobblehead, he asked his handler to come find me in the crowd and come up to him. He then hugged me and told me he appreciated the support I always showed him.
That year, I asked Ryan to write out the words: Be Your Own Anchor so that I could get them tattooed on me for my birthday. (A few months after this con, I did just that.) He joked that he wasn't a fan of tattoos himself, but if that was what I wanted, he would do it. Since I had two autograph tickets, Ryan also signed our photo op and wrote me the following message:
So glad I got to spend this weekend with you. XOXO (his signature)
Then, over the next couple of years, I would post something on Instagram related to him or Parrish and tag him, and he would like the post or comment in some way. I even remember sending him a message on Instagram during one of my low grief periods after my Pop died and when my Nana was dying of cancer. He responded and basically told me that I mattered and I wasn't a nobody.
Then came the COVID-19 lockdown. I had an excess of money because I was getting the government stipend while also being on unemployment because daycares weren't able to open during that time. So, when an auction came up to have a 15-minute Zoom call with Ryan, I leaped at the chance and won the auction.
When he came on the screen, he told me. "Let me ask you questions since I'm sure you don't have any for me." So, our conversation centered on my job -- which at the time was working for daycare and my TV critic side gig. He was very interested in my TV critic gig and I admitted to him that I reviewed his Christmas movie. He asked me who paid me to watch it.
All in all, it was a great time, and then the next day, the organizers of the event asked me for my Twitter handle. I assumed it was for promotional reasons, so I gave it to them. The next day I was driving home from work and had pulled over to get gas when I saw I had a notification that Ryan Kelley had followed me. Then a few moments later, he sent me a message letting me know that my positive attitude about the stuff we were going through really inspired him, and he was grateful that we got the chance to connect again.
I didn't talk to Ryan much over the next few years, an occasional message back and forth on Instagram or Twitter, but nothing major. Then Howler Reunion happened in June 2022, and I realized there were some things I had to tell Ryan. For one, in the time since we had last spoken I had come out to the world as non-binary and had changed my name. I knew he would be very gracious about it all, but still, I worried.
It came to the day of my duo photo op with Ryan Kelley and Linden Ashby. I had decided I would come out to both of them because my bond with Linden had always been like he was a father to me. So, I wore my Asexual pride shirt and my non-binary colored flannel and hoped for the best. My dear friend Lori, who helped run the con, went with me for moral support.
I don't remember exactly what I said to them, but I do remember that I told them afterward that this photo op was a "Pride" one so they could act proud of me. Linden reassured me that there was no acting necessary because he was proud of me. Ryan just squeezed me close to him in a side hug. Seeing the photo result, I am forever grateful that I chose to come out to Ryan because the way he looks at me in this photo is hard to describe, but gives me so much comfort to this day.
The rest of the weekend went by in a blur. I do remember at my individual photo op with Ryan he asked me to explain the reasoning behind my new name. He said he had always been able to remember my old name because it was the same as his mom's and that I reminded him of her in personality and my kind nature. (cue the tears seriously) I explained to him the history behind my adopted name and how I wanted to keep a piece of that even with a more gender-neutral name so I had shortened my middle name to what is now my first. I then explained to him that it was so wonderful hearing him say my new name out loud because I felt like he was an extension of my family and that no one in my immediate family had been willing to use it yet, at least not at that point. He looked so concerned for me that my own mom wasn't being respectful at the time, and he pulled me into another hug.
That afternoon there was a final panel with the whole roster of guests. We could stand at the mics and ask questions if we wanted to, but I just wanted to thank Ryan one more time for his kindness. So, I did.
Later on in the panel, the guests were asked about a project they've done that they are so proud of. Ryan got on the mic and talked about how he knew one of his projects meant the world to a couple of his fans, and then he found me in the crowd, and we locked eyes, and it meant the world to him to know that because it was a project, he was extremely proud of himself.
Then, later on, we had an autograph session and his handler, a new one from previous years, looked up at me and asked my name. Ryan grinned and said, "Don't need it. Mads and I go way back." Then he gave me a wink and said Mads again. I told him that it had been an extremely rough time for me since the Summer of 2018. And that it helped to have my tattoo, which I then showed him, that he'd written because it reminded me to stay grounded. Then, Ryan grabbed my arm, covered my tattoo with his hand, and looked me in the eye.
"I know you think you needed me to be strong. But you are strong all on your own. It's inspiring."
I then handed him a custom Funko Pop I had made of Parrish, and he got emotional and thanked me for such a beautiful gift. When we said goodbye, I told him that I was grateful for all the kindness he had always shown me and that I would miss him. At the time I was certain we would never see each other again because I couldn't afford to travel to Europe where he frequents cons on the regular.
"This isn't goodbye. You are stuck with me for life."
I know Ryan was being kind and probably as honest as he hoped to be but I know despite our shift in bond, Ryan is still an actor and I'm still just a fan. But, our bond is definitely unique and one of a kind.
There are some days I still look at the evidence in front of me and believe that I made it all up in my head. That none of it ever happened.
7 notes
·
View notes