#i’m telling u i should’ve been a humanities student explaining is everything to me

[saturnaftertaste]

you know, there are multiple scenarios here, actually, in regards to what the fuck spider-verse’s deal with the canon events actually is

#1. Miguel Was Right. (only about some things!)

in this scenario Miguel isn’t actually wrong about canon events. every spider has a story to stick to, and every spider must follow it. this is regardless of however many spiders there were in the universe before the current one (see RIPeter of 1610 before Miles and the presumed Peter Parker who existed before Miguel became spider-man in the year 2099.) this means that every spider loses someone at the start of their career, then a police captain close to them, then perhaps a love interest (in every other universe, gwen stacy falls for spider-man…)

anyway. if Miguel is right about canon events, then he is wrong about Miles not being spider-man. if he right about Miles being an anomaly, then he is wrong about canon events. this is because if Miles is not a spider-man, then he does not have to follow canon events to protect his universe.

but this scenario is based on Miguel being right about canon events — so then Miguel’s alternate universe adventure that ended so terribly WAS actually caused by:

- Miguel EITHER disrupting the canon events of Gabriella’s universe OR

- because he skipped out on his OWN canon events OR

- because the universe falling apart WAS a canon event for spider-man 2099 only.

we the audience know Miles isn’t TOO much of a breakaway from spider-canon because while the original canon is built from adventures of Peter Parker’s life and the Peters of spider-HQ outnumber the unique Spiders 10000:1, single anomalies still exist: jess, gwen, peni, hobie, margo, malala, ben and others who we haven’t met (anya corazon, cindy moon, etc). It would follow that their “canon events” may happen differently/may be completely different to the peter-parker canon, and because we know that a peter parker already existed in 2099 canon, there is no SET canon for what comes after peter parker dies. any one of the above works, but one and two seem circumstantial to me as opposed to three, which seems the most accurate. if miguel is right about canon events, he might be wrong about how they relate to every spider — which would explain how gwen ended up dodging it without her universe falling apart, as well as pavitr dodging it (we are disregarding the black hole under mumbattan). if miguel is right about the canon but wrong about the events, it would explain why he out of all the spiders was the only one who experienced a universe collapse, because it’s a canon event ONLY for spider-man 2099.

#2. Unknown Factors Causing Interference

fact of the matter is that we do NOT know anything concrete about Gabriella’s universe. we DO know that alt-Miguel died there, that Miguel replaced him, and that the universe collapsed soon after.

what we do NOT know is how long Miguel was there, if that universe had a spider-man already, and WHAT ELSE was going on there.

- Miguel’s time spent there doesn’t matter TOO much*; however, it would point us in the direction of how much their timeline changed with Miguel’s appearance in their universe if we knew how much time there was for him to fuck shit up.

- if that universe HAD a spider-man already, then Miguel being there would have possibly POSSIBLY destabilized the universe to the point of destruction. that’s also IF Miguel was acting as Spider-Man and not just Miguel O’Hara. if that universe DIDNT have a spider-man, it’s possible Miguel’s appearance there maybe altered the course for the production of one; perhaps alt-miguel was Gabriella’s canon event for HER to become Spider-man (MAYBE) and Miguel changed it by essentially making it look like her dad never died (on the surface. the horror of it all is a different discussion) point being that perhaps he accidentally wiped that universe’s spider-man 2099 without filling in as spider-man, so maybe that’s what got messed up.

- the Spiders have a LOT of enemies. we have no idea what other forces are at play here. throughout every other universe in the spiderverse Alchemax was trying to gain access to other dimensions with the super-collider somewhere in NYC. Miguel’s Nueva York doesn’t seem to have the same problem, BUT, who knows what Gabriella’s Nueva York looked like? if it’s 2099, technology is infinitely more powerful and what if some futuristic descendent (like, idk, a niece or something) of Doc Ock’s accidentally vaporized the universe? If not through a super-collider, then through something else. if Miguel wasn’t spider-man in Gabriella’s universe, he would have no real understanding of the danger he was walking into; thus, a universe destroyed, but not at Miguel’s hands.

#3. There Is A Meta-Canon (?!)

see, the thing about being an audience to a film is that we see it as self-contained. within the story itself though, the characters see their universes as fundamentally separate from each other, joined together only by a “canon”.

Miguel theorizes that the canon is individually attached to every spider-person across the multiverse, meaning that all these universes are linked through their similarities. however, what they have not considered, is that there is a Larger canon (ie, the Narrative) moving behind the scenes. if Miles becoming spider-man was unscripted, how come RIPeter died when Miles was bit? what force decided that two spider-people in one universe was a bigger problem than RIPeter not sticking to the canon (ie, DYING) before his time? if Miles is an anomaly, how come he’s still around? according to Miguel, the universe wipes out any unscripted things that happen - for example, if the spider from earth-42 wasn’t meant to be on 1610, 1. how did it end up there and 2. how come miles’s universe didn’t collapse? how is 1610 STILL up and running even with the multiverse interference (which only happened to a handful of spiders, so it can’t really be a canon event, right?) and how come

the answer to this question is the existence of some larger invisible Meta-Canon (the Narrative) except it exists in their world. there is a story that ties all these spiders together, a Canon (or Fate, if you will) that wrote gabriella’s world out of existence, that brought the multiverse to Miles, that made the Spot an existential threat to the entire multiverse. the only issue is that no one KNOWS what the canon is, so they can’t do anything else except what they would do in the situation — ie, PLAY OUT THE STORY as was intended. essentially, fate reinvented. it’s not NEW information; there is obviously a STORY to be told in the spiderverse movies, that’s why they exist at all. however, the existence of either fate/metacanon IN-universe changes everything, because that means there are no REAL parameters for miguel’s theories or any reason at all for the “canon” to be followed, if there’s a larger story working itself out. only the elements NEEDED for this - peter b’s canon being followed exactly, miles not following any of it apart from aaron’s death - would then be utilised, and everything else would be chalked up to fate. A Preset Story** that a cluster of universes have to follow would technically override the individual canons that each spider has to follow, making it so that the canon event theory is nothing more than an in-universe motivator to push Miles and Miguel and everyone else into the next stage of their Lives or Stories.

#4. Miguel was Wrong Entirely (It’s Okay He’s Still Hot)

you know how they say fear makes you freeze up? Miguel experienced so much fear that fateful day he lost Gabriella that his brain got permanently stuck in canon-event-theory acceptance mode and now he can’t move on. there are a lot of blanks in his story, but accounting for the fact that he’s a hero (or, supposed to be, at least), i’m choosing to assume any omissions were nothing villainous (there’s theories that HE killed alt-Miguel, that he knew what was going to happen and stuck around anyway, etc) which means we are missing information, but not that kind changes how events would have played out.

however, none of this guarantees ANYTHING in terms of Miguel being right. as stated previously, there are too many inconsistencies throughout the universes for the canon-event theory to be real.

for one: why would miguel’s canon events impact another universe? presumably gwen and peter b. and the rest of the itsv cast had canon events that needed to be happening while they were stranded on 1610 - miles’ universe didn’t fall apart. similarly, why would another earth’s canon events be impacted by an intruder that the universe couldn’t crush? spider-42 bit Miles and was immediately killed, but Miles’s universe didn’t fall apart when Miles’s canon changed and RIPeter died. if Miguel was the problem in Gabriella’s world, why did he survive instead of the universe? And wouldn’t Peter B getting there and trying to help made things worse?

And another thing: we see Miles interrupt a canon event*** in Pavitr’s universe, and a black hole opens up under Mumbattan. Miguel cites this as his universe falling apart because of a lack of adherence to canon, but RIPeter in ITSV explicitly says to Kingpin that he’s “not gonna let him open up a black hole under Brooklyn!” assuming both alchemax colliders were built for the same purpose, spot managing to run the collider did exactly what RIPeter predicted: a black hole under New York City somewhere. this means that Spot and the collider are the explicit and ONLY reason that Mumbattan has a black hole now, especially as the supposed reaction to canon deviation is disintegration.

#5. Spiders Exist Outside the Narrative (Miguel is Wrong 2: Electric Boogaloo)

After everything is said and done, there is still the problem of the multiverse. Canon event theory is essentially another name for parallel universe theory, except that it only logistically only applies to Spiders and not every person on every earth****, because Spider have a thing in common that draws them together - being a Spider-Person.

this theory would be a counter to theory #3; and probably closer in spirit to the way BTSV is going to go: instead of the spiders being trapped in a larger narrative that forces events to happen, actually, the Spiders are the only ones that are free from canon events— HOWEVER, this is only if they are in the wrong universe.

for example, take Gwen Stacy. we know that she didn’t go back to her home universe in the end, that she crashes at Hobie’s and hangs around Spider-HQ in Nueva York going on missions and etc. we know that Peter Parker was her FIRST canon event, and that she went through the multiverse after that and found Miles and etc. Her second event - Captain Stacy dying to save a child, something that (almost) happened in Pavitr’s universe six months after he became spider-man, somehow still hasn’t happened to her. Could it be that her timeline is more stretched out? maybe. OR, more likely (to me, at least) the universe waited around for her to come back.

IF the spiders are truly free from the confines of their narratives while they’re physically NOT there, if they’re the only free agents in a world (that isn’t theirs!) ruled by an overarching destiny, that would explain why Miles was ABLE to save Captain Singh at all instead of something else killing him anyway. It explains why Captain Stacy never died — in the time Gwen was gone, he couldn’t die because a Spider-Person had to be there, to watch their Captain die. Now the issue is that if Spider-Man is a free agent, anyone who exists as his equal is too — which is why only random spider-man villains were being swapped over between universes (at least as far as I can tell; in ITSV there was the idea that the collider was keyed to the Spider-DNA which is why it pulled spiders from every universe, but it’s never explained why only spider-villains are being displaced across spacetime, and not like, random civilians) which is why Miles’s canon event can happen without him being there - the Spot can straight up kill Jeff Davis with or without crashing a building onto him just like how Pavitr’s canon event was rolled into a multiversal villain attack. However, if Miles never goes home, the prophecy doesn’t come true, because if Spider-man and the Spot never fight, Jefferson will have no reason to be at the scene of the crime because there would BE no scene and no crime. to kill him non-canonly would be like destroying everything ATSV set up at all, like how coincidentally Spot sees the same future Miguel does, because it’s a “canon event”.

but anyway. if Spiders are free agents, it explains why the impact of the Spider-gang and then Spider-band on various universe left a mark; why people were saved and not then immediately killed right after they left. This theory would also mean that theory #2 concerning Miguel’s actions in Gabriella’s universe is also true; the collapse of her universe was probably not due to inherent difference of dimension, but rather because of whatever actions he/someone else took while he was there that destabilized her universe. the free-of-date agent theory would also explain why Mayday exists without Peter B’s universe disintegrating when she clearly could not have existed without Peter leaving and coming back rejuvenated, and, of course, the Spot’s existence as a whole, because I highly doubt Miles would’ve made it to Alchemax and thrown that bagel at Ohnn had Peter not arrived there and then stolen that CPU with Miles in the first place.

tl:dr it has been more than a month since i first watched spider-verse and i still can’t figure it out. very excited to see where they take it in the next one. can’t wait ‼️

*an incursion a la dr strange rules from multiverse of madness can not really be the answer here; miguel had the watch to keep him from glitching in other universes, and we know that gwen consistently hangs out in hobie’s universe without anything happening, so “spending too much time” in another universe is probably not the answer

**the issue with this is that the spider-verse movies have a heavy focus on choices and individual actions and belonging as themes, and so a meta-narrative universe would be sort of left field if the third act of spiderverse makes it so that Miles isn’t making choices on his own, he was always destined to make them. still a fun brain exercise to run simulations on though

***Miles also interrupts earth-42’s spider-man process - i.e. a Canon Event. Miles G. was supposed to become Spider-Man, except it never happened, and yet earth-42 is still proudly non-disintegrated, no matter how terrible it may be

****we see many different people, not just peter parker, be spider-people. this means that every one else on earth wouldn’t be able to find their counterparts in all these different universes; either because the universes are too different and the same iterations of civilians don’t exist, or because minor changes in a civilian’s life can divorce them entirely from their alter-earth counterparts, should they even have them. the only reason Spiders have counterparts is because Being A Spider is the only thing that allows you to have an actual reflection of yourself in a different world, because you share the common trait of being a Spider-Hero

[soobiniebaby]

Angels & Devils Part IX : Magic Hour

Tomorrow x Together Fanfiction

~ p a r t s : main post || prologue || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4 || part 5 || part 6 || part 7 || part 8 || part 9 || part 10 || part 11 || part 12 || part 13 || part 14 || part 15 || part 16 || part 17 ~ p a i r i n g : love triangle involving choi soobin and choi yeonjun ~ g e n r e : high school au | some social media au | some fluff & angst | childhood friends | love triangle ~ l a n g u a g e : English ~ w a r n i n g : contains swearing, alcohol, kissing (?) and may contain mature themes (angst, etc.) ~ a / n : This will be my first fanfic (go easy on me pls) and i’m just writing this as I go along, so bear with me juseyo The setting (place/country) of the story is up to the reader’s interpretation ~ s u m m a r y : What should she choose? Han Baby: the new girl with a troubled past MO Academy: her new high school Choi Soobin: student council president, member of the Ecosave club, volunteer at the Humane Treatment of Animals, member of the Honor Society, a vocalist in the Jazzed club, the school’s all around golden boy Choi Yeonjun: leader of the Dance club, star of the Jazzed club, the school’s it boy with a bad rep 5 best friends, 1 new girl, 1 childhood friendship, 1 epic love triangle? What will this school year bring?

Yeonjun had been on cloud 9 the whole weekend.

Ever since he and Baby talked things out and she finally said yes to him that Friday, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from smiling. They had been texting ever since he had left her apartment.

Even the horrendously boring and rigid dinner he had with his parents that night became so much bearable since he had been texting her under the table nearly the whole time.

At the end of the day, he’d call her on FaceTime and they’d stay on video call until one of them would fall asleep.

On Saturday, he and the guys had hung out at Kai’s house. They all put together a care basket, each boy contributing a little gift or token along with a note, to wish B a speedy recovery. He had delivered it to B by the end of the day, stopping by her place for a quick visit as well.

“There’s a cute plushie from Hyuka, a novel highly recommended from Tyun, a collection of movies from Gyu, and handpicked snacks from Soobin. And there’s a get well soon card with a short message from each of us.” Yeonjun says, slowly laying out each boy’s gift in front of B. “Also, Soobin requests that you take a picture with his gift so you guys will have something to post for your project this week.” he adds.

“Alright, I’ll make sure to take a few pictures before devouring them.” B says, excitedly looking at the snacks. “Wow, these gifts are amazing. The boys are so sweet.” she says in awe, grabbing the plushie from Kai and holding it close to her chest.

“The boys? What about me? Aren’t I sweet?” Yeonjun asks.

“Well, I guess you are, but you didn’t get me a get-well-soon gift.” she says, pouting.

Yeonjun laughs. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your get-well gift right here.” he says. When she raises a brow at him in confusion, he simply puts a finger under her chin and tilts it upward as he gives her a kiss, keeping it tender and sweet. He feels her smile against his lips and he pulls away, smiling back at her. “See? Bet you feel better already.” he says.

“Much better.” B smiles, feeling tingles all over her body. “Still no gift, though.”

Yeonjun stepped back, shocked. “Was that not enough for you? What more do you want from me?” he says, exaggeratingly putting a fist over his chest.

B laughs. “You’re so dramatic! Don’t get me wrong, your kisses are great, but I want a gift that’ll keep me from getting bored or feeling lonely while I’m on lockdown for the week. The boys’ gifts are all spot on.” she explains. “If I’m gonna be stuck alone here for the next few days, I’m gonna get bored and lonely.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect gift. You’ll see.” Yeonjun says mysteriously.

B raises a brow but raises no further questions. That night, she makes sure to take pictures and sends them to Soobin, each of them creating their own social media posts for their project.

When Sunday came, B decided to plan out her week of isolation, wanting to make it as productive as possible. First, she messaged the boys to thank them for their gift basket and to beg them to help her keep up with schoolwork and lessons, which they gamely accept. She also checks her other messages and sees a few from the girls.

She finally messages them, feeling guilty upon seeing how worried they were.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun starts to make plans of his own, wanting to make sure that the coming week would be perfect.

•°•

Monday

Wanting to start her first day of missing classes on the right foot, B had managed to convince at least one of her classmates in each class to secretly have her on call during the periods, so that she could listen in on the lectures on her phone, as if she were taking an online class. She had called Taehyun for first period Economics, Kai for second period History, Yuna for third period Biology, Beomgyu for after-lunch Maths, Taehyun again for Foreign Language class, and Soobin for Creative writing class.

“Why not me?” Yeonjun had asked her with a pout when she told him her plan.

B laughed at how adorable he was. “Because Soobin is one of my closest friends, plus he’s my partner in the class, so it would make more sense if I called him. Besides, it might seem too suspicious if I called you instead of him.” she reasoned.

The whole day, B had her phone by her side as she struggled to listen to the lectures and took down her own notes as well, making sure to catch any dates for assignment deadlines or quizzes. By the time last period was over, B had gotten showered and dressed, first for a quick visit from her family doctor to check on her condition and then for some time to hang out with Ryujin, who had promised to visit since she was immune to chicken pox.

Sure enough, the doctor came by and did a quick check up of her vital signs and assessed her rashes, simply advising her not to scratch them. He was there for a maximum of 20 minutes before leaving.

At a little past 5:30 PM, Ryujin came ringing on her front door holding a box of cinnamon rolls from Kang’s Kafe.

B excitedly hugs her as soon as she opens the door to let her friend in, squealing and thanking her for the cinnamon rolls.

As they step into the apartment, Ryujin observes “Wow B, you look so happy, you’re practically glowing, and I’m pretty sure it’s not the rashes.”

B blushes and waves her hand dismissively. “Oh, it’s probably just cause I’ve been getting a lot of sleep lately, but thanks.”

“A lot of sleep? More like a lot of Yeonjun.” Ryujin says, smiling devilishly. “Come on, tell me more about it! How are you feeling? What is it like to date him? Have you guys done anything yet?”

“Well if you must know, I feel really happy. So happy in fact that it keeps me too distracted to even think about how itchy these rashes are.” B says, rubbing her arms which had small specks of rashes. “And technically, we haven’t even gone on a date yet, but we’ve been talking a lot and he’s called me on Facetime the past 2 nights and he’s just really sweet. And no, we haven’t ‘done anything’ yet, we’ve just kissed a couple of times.”

Ryujin lets out a squeal. “Ah, it sounds so exciting! I’m so happy for you! Honestly, seeing how hard you were trying to avoid him for the past 2 weeks was hard. I wanted to shake you or something just to knock some sense into you. It was actually kinda funny seeing how stubborn you were about it, I mean he obviously liked you but anyone who knew your current situation could see that you definitely had feelings for him as well!” she laughs. “Speaking of, what have the other guys said about you 2 dating? I bet Gyu’s been teasing you 2 nonstop.” she asks, referring to the guys in the student council.

B laughs nervously. “Oh, uh, we haven’t really told anyone yet.” she admits. “I haven’t even told Ningni—I mean Hyuka, about Yeonjun asking me out at the party, so none of them have any clue about Yeonjun asking me out and me avoiding Yeonjun and everything. I’ve only told you and Yuna.”

Ryujin smacks B’s arm. “B! Why? You should’ve at least told Kai about it! Isn’t he your best friend?”

“He is, yes! It’s just hard, I mean I’ve told him about my past crushes and stuff back when we were younger, but it’s just that Yeonjun is his one of his closest friends, so it just feels kind of weird. Like it might make their friendship awkward, especially if things between me and Yeonjun don’t work out.” B says defensively.

“Please, those guys are thick as thieves, nothing could ever break their friendship apart. And stop saying that you and Yeonjun won’t work out, you’re worrying too much about something that hasn’t even happened yet or something that might not even ever happen. Instead of thinking the worst about the future, you should just try to make the most out of the present instead.” Ryujin says.

“Wow, that’s actually really good advice, Ryu.” B admits. “Fine, I promise I’ll try not to worry too much and stuff. But Yeonjun and I agreed that we’d wait until I’ve recovered enough to go back to school until we tell the guys anything about us dating.”

“Oh sweetie, he’s a guy. Heck, he’s not just a guy, he’s Choi Yeonjun. Guys like to talk about girls. And just like you’ve been talking to Yuna and I about Yeonjun, I’m pretty sure Yeonjun has been talking to at least 1 other guy about you too. The question is, which guy could he be talking to?” Ryujin wonders.

•°•

Tuesday

“So that’s what I’ve got planned out for the next few days. Well, while she’s still confined to her apartment, at least. I’ve got a whole week of stay-at-home dates and romantic stuff planned. I just want to make it as good as possible, even if she can’t leave her house.” Yeonjun says, finishing up explaining his plans in great detail. “It’s what she deserves, especially after hearing how much she struggled the past 2 weeks. I just want to make sure she won’t regret her decision to finally say yes.”

“Yeonjun, that sounds amazing.” Beomgyu says, looking at the blue-haired boy in awe. “I always knew you had your ways to woo a girl, but damn I’ve never seen you plan out something like this before. I especially like the part where you sort of kidnap her.” Beomgyu laughs. “Congrats on finally getting the ‘yes’ by the way. It was kinda killing me to see how hard the past 2 weeks have been on you too.”

“It’s what she deserves. It’s crazy cause I don’t think I’ve ever liked a girl this much before, especially since I’ve only known her for a few weeks.” Yeonjun gives him a bright smile, and Beomgyu could tell just how smitten he was.  “And thanks, Gyu. Thanks for being there for me these past couple of weeks, too. And thanks for keeping it between us.” he adds, remembering how Beomgyu had noticed how different Yeonjun had been acting, and how Yeonjun himself had finally told Beomgyu about everything.

From how Yeonjun had been watching B at the party to how Yeonjun had found himself smitten by B during their 7 minutes together to how Yeonjun had asked her out twice and even to how he had winked at her onstage. He didn’t mean to tell anyone about his feelings for their new friend so soon, but he couldn’t bear the weight of it any longer. Now he was happy to be telling Beomgyu about how he had taken care of B when she was sick and how they had finally been able to talk things out.

“Dude, you’ve got it bad.” Beomgyu says, laughing and clapping him on the back. “I have to admit, it’s a bit weird seeing you talk about a girl so much, but I can’t help but feel proud that you’ve finally found someone you genuinely seem to care for.”

Yeonjun nods. “Yes, I really do. And thanks Gyu, really. She just feels really different, I guess. And I’m hoping that the more I get to know her, the more I end up liking her, instead of the other way around. Usually with me, girls can make a strong first impression at the start but then when I try to get to know them more, they end up feeling just like everyone else. I don’t think it’ll be like that with her, though.”

“With all the things you’ve got planned for her, I highly doubt that’ll be the case.” Beomgyu says. “I’m sure she’ll love it. Go get her, Yeonjun!”

And he did.

That afternoon, he stood outside her apartment door feeling just a tiny bit nervous, his hands full, whispering and instructing the people behind him for the last time before he rang the doorbell.

“Coming!” Yeonjun could hear her yell from inside the apartment, and he smiled to himself.

He braces himself as she opens the door, and as soon as he sees her face, his heartbeat instantly speeds up.

“Hi, Baby.” he simply says as he stands in front of her with a bouquet of blue roses, the string quartet that he had hired for the afternoon starts to play a soft rendition of Euphoria by BTS.

She stands there for a moment, a hand covering her mouth as she stares in awe at the blue-haired boy before her and the blue roses he held, to the four string players holding their instruments and serenading her, until the chorus comes up and Yeonjun softly sings, “Take my hands now” as he takes one of her hands in his and squeezes it gently. “You are the cause of my euphoria.”

She unfreezes then, taking a step towards him and wrapping her arms around him to give him a hug, which was a bit of a challenge considering the dozen roses between them.

He laughs as she gives up on trying to hug him and settles on standing on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck instead. “You’re supposed to take the flowers first, silly.” he says.

“Yeonjun! This is just…wow.” she says, taking the flowers in her arms, they were heavier than they looked. “This is incredible. You’re incredible. This it too much, this is… just, thank you so much.” she says, flustered.

“Oh, Baby. This is nothing, don’t sweat it.” he says, savoring her reaction. If she was gonna smile this wide and get this flustered every time he made a romantic gesture like this, then the rest of the week was going to be fun.

•°•

Wednesday

B had been wondering why Yeonjun had made such a strange request that morning, but she was happy to oblige. It’s not like she had anything better to do in her apartment, and she spent most of her time listening to lectures through phone calls in her bedroom anyway. She had called the same people as she had for the past 2 days, glad that she had found a way to keep herself up to date on lectures.

She had almost forgotten about Yeonjun’s request until her last class for the day ended, and she heard sounds coming from inside her apartment. She kept her bedroom door closed the whole day, so the sound of some unknown person in her apartment was alarming.

She quickly dials up Yeonjun’s number, trying to keep herself calm and telling herself that it was probably not a dangerous intruder but rather something related to Yeonjun’s request.

“Hey Baby, what’s up?” he says, answering on the second ring.

“Hey Yeonjun, uh, I’m in my bedroom right now and I thought I heard something from inside the apartment so I was wondering if it’s something to do with what you texted me this morning or if there really is an intruder and I should call the police.” she says, trying to sound causal and calm.

Yeonjun laughs on the other end, which causes B to relax a bit. “You are adorable. Very smart and safe that you checked with me first though, everytime you hear strange noises in your apartment, call me right away okay?” he says. “For now, don’t worry though, I promise you’re safe. It’s part of the plan, I asked some people to help me set up for our date today. Sorry for making you panic, I should’ve given you a heads up.”

B scoffs. “Psh, I was not panicking. I’m just being very smart and safe, like you said.” she says. “What kind of date requires you to ask for help to set up though? What exactly do you have planned for today?”

“Now why would I tell you that? You’ll find out in about an hour anyway, but for now, promise me you’ll stay in your room until I tell you it’s safe okay? If not, you’ll spoil the surprise.” he says.

B nods. “Yeah sure, I can do that.” she says, even though the curiosity was killing her. What kind of date did Yeonjun have planned now?

Just then, B hears a voice from Yeonjun’s end of the call. “Hey YJ, you want me to ride with you to Kang’s? Or should I ride with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks.

“Hop right into the car, I’ll just finish up this call.” Yeonjun responds. “Hey Baby, gonna grab a quick snack at Kang’s with the boys before I head to your place. I’ll make it quick, so try not to miss me too much.” he says.

“Don’t worry, it’s the rest of the guys that I really miss anyway.” she says teasingly. “It’s only been a few days, but I haven’t seen them in forever.”

“Oh? So since you’ve been seeing me almost everyday now, you don’t miss me? Yeonjun says, and B could practically hear him pouting from the phone.

She laughs. “Don’t be silly, you know I miss you too.”

Yeonjun laughs too. “I miss you too. See you in about an hour, alright? And wear something nice.” he simply says before hanging up.

“Was that her? Was that B?” Beomgyu asks as Yeonjun gets into the car, joining him in the back seat before the car starts to move, taking them to Kang’s café.

Yeonjun nods. “Yeah, she was worried cause she heard a noise in her apartment but I told her it’s just the dinner people.”

Beomgyu raises a brow. “The dinner people? Wait, which date is this? The one where you hire people to set up the apartment in like a super romantic—”

“Yes yes, it’s that one.” Yeonjun said, amused at how excited Beomgyu was, remembering that he told Beomgyu about all his date plans for the week. “I’m a little worried that it might be a bit too much? What do you think?”

Beomgyu laughs. “Honestly, what you’ve got planned for today is…small compared to what you’ve got planned for Thursday or Friday. Considering she’s not supposed to leave her apartment, it’ll be a challenge to pull off too.”

“Oh, I asked her doctor about it and he said that as long as she’s very careful about who she comes in contact with and limits exposure as much as possible, then technically I can take her out. Just a matter of how and where I do it.” Yeonjun says confidently. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, I can pull it off.”

Beomgyu gives him a smile and a pat on the back. “I’m sure you can, Yeonjun. Don’t worry about sticking around at Kang’s either, you can leave as soon as you want, I’ll back you up. Try not to keep her waiting, you know?” he says supportively.

“Thanks, Gyu. I’ll just order something for takeout and I’ll go.”

•°•

B takes a deep breath and straightens out her dress one last time before finally opening her bedroom door and taking a step into her living area.

And she was immediately rendered speechless.

The place looked almost unrecognizable. The furniture had been moved around to make space in the middle of the room for her small round dining table and 2 chairs. The lights were all off, the apartment illuminated solely by candlelight, with tea candles and blue rose petals scattered all over the apartment, carefully sprawled all across the floor and sprinkled on the furniture. The table was set up for 2, with delicious-looking dishes already in place and a bottle of white wine along with a flower arrangement and 2 candles in the center.

She could hear the string quartet from yesterday from within the apartment, and after letting her eyes adjust to the dim light and looking around she could see that they were hidden away in the kitchen, softly playing their rendition of Home by Michael Buble.

Then Yeonjun reveals himself, he was waiting right outside her bedroom door, and he holds out a hand to her. “Han Baby, I know it’s a bit early, but would you do me the honour of having dinner with me?” he says grandly.

B lets out a laugh, looking at him in awe. “It would be my pleasure, Choi Yeonjun.” she says, taking his hand.

He smiles back at her and leads her to the dining table, pulling out her chair and letting her sit before joining her.

“I’m not sure what food you’d like, but I got garlic butter baked salmon, chicken kievs, Caesar salad, a bottle of Moscato and a serving of chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.” Yeonjun says, presenting the table on the food.

“Wow, they all look so good.” B says, feeling her mouth start to water. “How did you do all this? How did you put this all together?”

“Well, I had a bit of help, of course.” Yeonjun says, pouring the wine. “I asked my driver Hwall and some help from home to bring over the food, move the furniture and set up the candles and flowers. And the string quartet, whom you’ve met yesterday, are a few friends from my old school.” he says, giving a quick salute to the four string players in the kitchen, who warmly smiled back at him. “I hope you didn’t mind having strangers in your apartment, I’m sorry if you got scared. I should have been more considerate.”

B accepts the glass of champagne but shakes her head. “Yeonjun, it’s fine. I trust that you’re being careful and that you wouldn’t compromise my safety. This is all very lovely, thank you.” she says, reaching over the table to take his hand and gently squeezing it.

He smiles warmly at her. “Thank you for trusting me. I’m glad you like it.” he says, once again savouring the moment. The warmth in her eyes as she looked at him, her initial shock upon seeing the dinner set up, how good it felt to have her hand in his, and just everything about her in general.

Since he couldn’t be out too late on a school night without raising suspicion from his father, he wanted to make the most out of every minute. From sharing the most compelling yet laughably random conversations over dinner, to the sickeningly sweet banter over dessert, to the intimacy of slow dancing in her living room.

He made sure to bid his friends from the string quartet goodbye and help B with putting her furniture back in place before calling up Hwall and letting him know it was time for him to go.

As she walks him out of her apartment, lingering by the doorway for just a moment to say goodbye.

“You know, you never cease to amaze me, Choi Yeonjun. I’m starting to think there’s nothing you can’t do.” she says, as he stands outside her door. “Except fly, of course.”

Yeonjun smiles at her quizzically. “What makes you think I can’t fly?” he asks playfully, pulling her closer.

“Because you’re only human?” she says, laughing. “Besides, I don’t want a boy who can fly. I just want you.” she says, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Aw, Baby, you’re so sweet.” Yeonjun says, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Now, let’s say I could fly, would you still want me then?”

“And you’re so silly! Of course I would.” she laughs, stroking his hair. “But for now, I think you have to go.” she says, seeing his driver standing by from the corner of her eye.

“I’m afraid I do.” he says, giving a quick nod to Hwall before completely wrapping his arms around B’s waist and holding her tight, which causes her to squeal.

“See you tomorrow?” he says, finally letting go.

She nods. “See you tomorrow.” she says, waving him off and watching him walk away.

Right before he gets into his car, he takes one last look up at B’s apartment, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see her still standing outside, a hand on her chest as she smiled to herself, spinning in place a couple times before walking back into her apartment and closing the floor behind her.

He couldn’t wait to see how she’d react for what dates he had planned next.

•°•

Thursday

With Yeonjun’s simple request, once again, B didn’t really know what to expect.

She certainly wasn’t expecting to be ambushed at her front door with a bouquet or blue roses and to be serenaded by a string quartet on Tuesday, and she definitely wasn’t expecting her apartment to feel like a romantic 5 star restaurant yesterday, but his request for today’s date caught her so off guard that she couldn’t help but to overthink.

Wear something comfy?

What did he mean by that? What kind of date would entail such a simple request? Would it be something as simple as staying in and watching movies together? Knowing Yeonjun, it probably wasn’t.

While still keeping track of lectures through cellphone calls, she spent more of the overthinking about what kind of date Yeonjun could have possibly planned for the day, and what kind of outfit she’d be wearing.

At the end of the day, she decides to message her girl friends for help once again.

And right as she finishes fixing herself up, she hears the doorbell ring. She calls out “Just a second!” and quickly swipes on some blush to finish the look before running up to the front door and opening it.

“Hey, Baby.” Yeonjun says, smiling at her. “You look nice. You definitely found the perfect balance between cute and comfy.” he says, checking out her outfit.

“Hey Yeonjun! Thanks.” she says, smiling back. Just as she opens the door wider, ready to welcome him into the apartment, he takes her completely by surprise and says “Come on, let’s go.”

She blinks once, twice, still surprised. “Let’s go? Go, uh, where?”

“You’ll see. C’mon, put on some shoes and grab your things. Hwall’s waiting for us downstairs.” he says casually.

“Go? Where? And how? I mean, I’m still highly contagious, my doctor said I couldn’t leave—” B starts, still a bit dumfounded.

“I’ve cleared this with your doctor. Yes, you’re still possibly highly contagious, but where we’re going, there won’t be anyone for you to infect.” he says.

Confused, B decides to put on a pair of sneakers and grab a small sling bag before locking her apartment door behind her.

“Ah, before I forget.” Yeonjun says, rummaging through his bag before pulling out a surgical face mask wrapped in plastic. “You’ll have to put this on for now. Safety reasons.” he explains, handing it to her.

She obliges, and once the face mask is secured, he grabs her hand and leads her to the car.

•°•

“So…where are we going?” B asks for what feels like the hundredth time.

“You’ll see.” Yeonjun responds for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Are you kidnapping me? Should I be worried?” B asks. “Hey, Hwall, is he kidnapping me? Should I be worried?”

Yeonjun’s driver Hwall looks at her through the rear-view mirror as he drives. “I assure you, with sir Yeonjun, you’re in good hands.” he simply says.

B lets out a huff. “You didn’t answer either of my questions, but fine, I trust you.” she says, looking out the window and noticing how unfamiliar everything looked. They were now going uphill and had a fairly decent view of the town. “Wow, I am just now realizing just how little I know about this place. I mean, I just moved here, and all I know is how to get to school and back.”

Yeonjun laughs. “I don’t blame you, but it’s practically the opposite for me since I’ve lived here since I was a kid.” he says. “Don’t worry, I’ll show you around the whole town pretty soon.”

B gives him a curious look but doesn’t say anything. She continues to look out the window for the rest of the ride, noticing how high up they were going. Once they reach the top of the cliff, the car suddenly pulls over and stops, causing her to look around excitedly.

“Is this it? Are we here? Where are we?” she says excitedly, trying to look around for any clue as to what Yeonjun had planned for their date. All she could see, however, was the edge of the cliff and how high above the town they were.

“Huh, I guess we got here a bit early.” Yeonjun says, looking out the window. “Molang isn’t here yet.”

“Molang? Who’s Molang?” B asks, raising a brow.

Just then, she notices a low whirring noise, not knowing what it was or where it was coming from. She notices the sound getting louder and louder, until a helicopter comes into view.

As she spots the helicopter flying in and slowly approaching them, her jaw drops. “No way.”

Yeonjun laughs as he stares at her, amused by her reaction. “Yes way. Baby, this is Molang. My beautiful Airbus ACH175 helicopter.” he says, waving at the pilot through the window, who raised a hand back to acknowledge him. “And that’s Sunwoo, our pilot for today.”

“Yeonjun, I—” B starts, but she doesn’t really know what to say. “I—”

He laughs again. “Are you ready to fly?”

B simply nods, staring at the helicopter that was now landing in very close to proximity to where the car was parked. Once Yeonjun opens the door for her and she steps out, that’s when she notices that they were parked next to a helicopter pad situated right by the edge of the cliff.

“Okay, so, helicopter? How?” she manages to say, still struggling to put together coherent words. She could feel the end of her cropped sweater flapping around her torso as they came closer to the helicopter

“Let’s just say that there are a lot of perks that comes with being the sole heir to my father’s business.” he answers, almost yelling to be heard above the noise, taking her hand as they approach the helicopter.

They take the proper precautions and double check everything to make sure that they were securely strapped in, with Sunwoo the pilot briefing them on basic safety protocols and informing them of how they can communicate via the headsets provided.

Yeonjun buckles B into the backseat himself, making sure that she was strapped in tight and taking off her face mask, telling her “Don’t worry, I asked and made sure that Sunwoo is already immune to chickenpox beforehand, so you being contagious won’t be a problem.” before stealing a quick kiss and securing her headset. Next, Sunwoo helps him buckle up next to B, making all the necessary safety checks before they take off.

“Are you afraid of heights, Baby?” Yeonjun’s voice suddenly rings into B’s headset.

“No.” she replies, looking at him and squeezing his hand tight as she feels the vehicle lift off into the air. She wasn’t exactly scared, but she wasn’t expecting to leave the ground when she woke up that morning.

The view was simply breathtaking. She had flown in airplanes before, and as much as she enjoyed being at airports and taking the window seat, but nothing could compare to seeing the small town from a thousand feet in the air.

Below them, the world looked green and blue, the town highlighted by the abundantly green trees and the river that surrounded it.

Throughout the ride, Yeonjun had begun to point out the most random things to B. From the park where he won his first soccer match in when he was in the 5th grade, to the building that his father owned which he absolutely hated. He told her endless stories of the places he’d run away to when he felt like escaping, and stories of the places he’s learned to love the most after years of living in one place.

As the sun started to set, the city lights started to light up slowly, then all at once.

“Wow, this is amazing. It feels like magic.” B says, staring in awe at the town below them, now illuminated in hundreds of shining lights.

“Magic hour, when the sun sets and all the lights start to turn on.” Yeonjun agrees.

B could feel her neck start to ache from keeping it outstretched the whole time as she tried her best to look out the window, drinking in as much of the view as she could.

Meanwhile, Yeonjun had his eyes on her the whole time.

•°•

Friday

Just then, B hears her doorbell ringing.

She yells out “Coming! Just a minute!” before getting up and making sure she was appropriately dressed before making her way to the front door.

As bummed out as she was about their her supposed last stay-at-home date with Yeonjun being cancelled, she also couldn’t help but feel curious about what could have possible come up that Yeonjun had to cancel it.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she forgot to check through the peephole before opening her apartment door, and as soon as she saw the person standing on the other side, she felt her heart skip a beat.

“Baba!” Kai exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “Surprise!” he says, before engulfing her in a hug.

She unfreezes then, her mind in scrambles, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“Ningning! What are you doing here? And why are you hugging me, step away from me, you might get chickenpox!” she exclaims, trying to pull away from his embrace.

“Actually, I’m here because I have chicken pox.” he admits, subtly rubbing his arms, which B suspected were covered in itchy red rashes. “A few people from school have started to show symptoms, actually, myself included.”

“Oh my god, you have chicken pox? Are you okay? Did any of the other guys get it?” she asks, concerned.

Kai shakes his head. “I’m fine, just a little itchy. And no, as far as I can tell, it’s just me so far. The school’s in chaos now, everyone’s starting to show up to school wearing face masks and spraying alcohol every 5 mintues. Everyone’s afraid of the chicken pox.” he says, shivering.

“That sounds disastrous.” she comments. “So what brings you here exactly?”

Kai grins. “Well, since I have chicken pox now, and you’ve had chicken pox now, and no one else in my family has had chicken pox so I’d be a major health threat to them, I was wondering if I could maybe…stay with you?” he asks sheepishly.

“Oh, like we could quarantine together?” B asks. “I was actually medically cleared by my doctor already so I can come back to school on Monday but I’d love to have you here! Why not?” she says, squealing excitedly as she hugs her bestfriend.

Kai laughs happily. “Oh thank god, Lea practically kicked me out of the house and sprayed me with alcohol the whole time when I got sent home from school. I was able to grab a few of my things before I was banished from my own home.” he says, relieved.

“Oh, you poor thing.” she says, ruffling his hair. “Come on in, I’ll make sure the guest bedroom is clean and ready for you.” she says, welcoming him into her apartment.

“Thanks, Baba! Oh, I’m so excited, I’ve missed you so much! I haven’t seen you in a whole week.” Kai says, whining. “I can’t wait to catch up with you. Honestly, MOA has felt so boring without you so there’s not much I have to say. But I can’t wait to hear all about how you spent your week!”

B laughs hesitantly. “Oh, psh, there’s not much to tell you either.” she says weakly.

“Don’t say that, I’m sure spending a week at home felt like a mini vacation! So tell me, what did you do the whole week?” Kai starts, as they enter the guest room.

I’ve been going on dates with our dear friend Yeonjun B thought to herself, though she knew she couldn’t bring herself to just tell her bestfriend about it.

So what could she tell him about her week?

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Volume 5 Ep 1 Recap(plus shorts)-HERE WE GO(spoilers)!

Shorts will be recapped in a few sentences cos...well they short.

Weiss flashes back to her sister Winter foreshadowing that the’s next to die while sitting on a train. SORRY WINTER QROW SHIPPERS-her time is nigh.

Blake flashes back to her friend explaining why she fights for civil rights when she passes for whit-I MEAN-human! Yup, human, ALL while failing at an attempt to stop Adam “I love teenagers” Taurus’ plans.

And Yang flashes back to the time her and her sister were almost killed by a bear because Ruby couldn’t do dick without a weapon at the time-RIGHT BEFORE-ironically saying she’ll always be by her side...ALL while riding a motorcycle aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!

Basically three sad flashbacks-THERE YA GO!

The episode starts out SWINGING with team RNJR criticizing the show’s logic of having them walk all the way to Mistral, and joking about how Qrow almost died. HAHA death.

1:04 We are then treated to what only looks like rejected character and background designs to Legend of Korra and/or Avatar the last Airbender! Don’t get me wrong, nice drawings, but don’t they have the budget to freaking animate crowds anymore?

1:33 Qrow gives brief Mistral backstory right before-SURPRISE AIRPLANE MOTHER FUCKERS! You are shocked, do not lie.

1:44 Weiss has WITTY banter with the airship pilot of cargo ship three-THE FIGHTIN’ TRES-where Weiss hears a cry for peril which the pilot ignores...kinda...kinda dark.

3:07 We are then treated to the city, where...no-one is anywhere...throughout the whole town...you know you can only use Grimm attacks to not animate crowds in large spaces for SO long Rooster Teeth.

3:56

Nora: Maybe try...LOUDER?!

Damn Nora, when you get sassy?

Thankfully Qrow points out how it makes no sense that there are no CGI models running around-AND SPRING INTO ACTION!  

4:31 They close in on a door and find-SOME OLD MAN THEY MAKE FAINT...FAKE OUT! Next thing you’ll tell me is that his name is Spencer Pokensensen and that he’s a servant of the courts.

4:50 As for what HORRIFYING event caused him to not greet them at the gate it turns out...HE FORGOT...are all headmasters incompetent? Ozpin didn’t see team MEAN until they struck, and this guy is forgetting meetings, what the hell?

5:05 Team RNJR introduces themselves all saying there names as if fans forgot-OR-for those weirdos who start a show in its fifth season. Yeah I know you exist-AND YOU’RE SCUM!

5:12 The new Headmaster’s name is....Leonardo Lionheart...I don’t have a joke for that, that just sounds AWESOME!

5:36 Qrow reveals he told the team about the ancient mystical glow orbs of destiny, and Nora does her perfect impression of every fandom ever:

“...SO-is this not going how anyone thought it would?”

But enough about that-

5:53

Ghira: UNBELIEVABLE!

Sun: TOTAL GARBAGE!

...my god...THEY AGREE ON SOMETHING! FUTURE FATHER-IN LAW AND SON IN LAW BONDING! Er...POTENTIAL future father in law, heh heh(Bumblebee fans don’t hate me please).

5:59

Kali: Well at least you two can finally agree on something.

This is why I love you Kali, you are absolute purity in this magical Harry Potter meets X-men meets M.A.S.K. world.

6:10

Blake: Guys, everything’s gonna be okay.

...Blake...being positive...I am scared.

6:20 Blake is revealed to have an unnamed body-gaurd whom the fandom will attach a personality to WHILE ILIA DROPS IN...okay they HAVE technology in this world, she should’ve tripped off some damn motion sensors-SPEND SOME MONEY GHIRA!

Ilia then reveals that she took the fall for those creepy fox...brothers? Or are they married? I’m cool with either, I just want some background on who were originally supposed to be the main villains of volume 1(seriously, look it up).

8:00 SILENT PRINCIPAL’S ROOM-get ready for dramatic exposition babies!

Leo reveals the reason for a lack of teachers and students is OF COURSE-because of the Grimm...ironically from the Vale attack, DAMN this show is good at long lasting consequences.

9:13 OH WOW-Atlas is being a problem? Know what else, WATER IS WET!

9:42 OBLIGATORY RENORA SITTING TOGETHER MOMENT-there ya go you ship-hounds!

We are THEN told that each Maiden can open a specific door with their own abilities...I keep making Avatar parables, but that sounds RATHER Avatar, you know like in Volume 1 with the fire temple?

“She was determined at first, but the weight of responsibility proved too much for the child”.

AND THEN THERE’S THAT-that is AANG mother fucker!

11:30 Typical Avatar, runs away from home, gets picked up by bird bandits-WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!

12:17

Qrow: WE NEED TO GET THE SPRING MAIDEN NOW!

Leo: DAMMIT QROW, you don’t have a search warrant!

Qrow: SCREW YOUR WARRANT-lives are at stake!

Leo: YOU’RE A LOOSE CANNON BRANWEN! YOU’RE OFF THE CASE!

14:06 OOOH-poor Johnny boy, he REALLY wants him some revenge on Cinder.

15:06 But thankfully they make a logical compromise and-HOLY SHIT-he was lying because of Watts! I thought he was tricking him or some shit, this is WAY more interesting!

15:30 HEY-its that end scene from volume four! HOORAY FOR CYCLICITY! 

16:31 WELCOME TO JUST RITE-for all your Seven Elleven gas station allegorical needs!

...wait that place has a BAR?! Its a gas station...where people go to feul their vehicles...and serves alcohol...thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is a messy combination.

17:30 Yang gets hit on by a drunk guy, then hits him SO HARD he bounces like four time! What is his semblance having a body made of rubber?

18:01 AH-Yang does the Archer drink finger-AWESOME!

18:18 WELP-we got our answer, she went after Raven-COMMENCE ALT-U FAN STORIES NOW!

18:56 Hey girly, I heard your looking for someone!

Damn, literally the ONLY TIME in history when getting hit on by a drunk creepy guy pays off!

19:00 OH DAMN-spooky music, WHO COULD IT B-oh its just Oz...didn’t we know that all ready in the trailer? And did we need a second pointless fake-out? A TAD superfluous.

I would also like to point out this is the ONLY time a man getting drunk and taking an underage boy home with him is okay, the ONLY time!

We then close out the ep with Oscar introducing his Bishie ass to the group as Oscar Pine(mother-fucker’s name was a play on the Prof’s name, twas DESTINY), reveals he’s mother-fucking OZPIN, all while the drunken old man on the couch REJOICES! HOORAY FOR ACCIDENTAL SUCCESS!

We’re also treated to the NEW theme song, lots of action, lots of fighgint, bitter sweet messages yadda yadda, you know how it goes. 

WELCOME TO VOLUME FIVE BABIES-this has been MicksteRecap with Yoshimickster, hope we can be pals this season!

[mintyoongiskookie]

B l u e   H o l e

Requested: Nope

Member: Min Yoongi

Genre: Fluff, implied smut, heavy angst

Word Count: 8,420

Warnings: This story contains mentions of death, suicide, and abuse. If you aren’t comfortable with these subjects, you should not read it.

A/N: Okay, so this story is based off of one of my favorite books, titled “All the Bright Places,” by Jennifer Niven. I started crying while writing this, so it’ll probably spark up some kind of emotion in you. Thanks for reading Lovelies~

      Is today a nice day to die?

That question, that seven word question, is one I, (Y/N) (L/N), ask myself every single day that I live. So far, as you can see, the answer has turned out to be no. Or, rather than no, it would be “maybe, but let’s just push ourselves to get through one more miserable day in this hellhole, and see what happens next.” And I’ll never know, maybe I’ll go out with a bang, dying from something in a crowd, or silently passing in my sleep. Life is full of mysteries, and death is the only one that I care to think about daily.

      Will today be the day?

      And if not today - when?

Also a few other questions I ask myself on the daily, including today. The thoughts swirl around in my head, as I stand on the narrow ledge of my high school, watching the oblivious passerby that look like simple ants. I feel like I’m one with the sky, I’m so high up. I could just let the wind drift me down to the ground, I would make Marry Poppins look bad. I don’t really remember how I got up here - as well as what happened before this winter. It always turns out like this, my memories vanishing into thin air, only the smallest fragments being left behind, but never enough for me to put them together piece by piece. That’s what happens when I fall Asleep. Not necessarily as in the body function of sleeping, but something else. Here, allow me to explain.

      To be Asleep is to be dead. Not physically, but emotionally, as well as mentally. Think of it as being someone who has no emotions, no path in life. A living, breathing, human zombie. You cannot feel any pain, you cannot love anyone, you cannot hate anyone. You’ve basically gone brain dead. But, after what seems like a lifetime, you’ll become Awake again, without any memories of what the hell had just happened to you. Anyways, enough about being Asleep, and back to what actually happened this fine day.

      “Ladies and gentlemen. Is today the day? Is today the day where I end my life, with all of you here to witness this great show?” My speech only brought the common mumbles from the other students from below, the normal, “Go ahead, we won’t miss you”, “Get your crazy ass down from there before you hurt someone”, and the all too familiar: “You act like any of us care.” But, then came a few proclamations that you hadn’t heard before - “Wait, is that Yoongi?”, “What’s he doing up there?”, “He’s probably gonna talk her down. Poor guy, he thinks that she actually matters.” And that’s when you saw him.

      The Min Yoongi, standing on the other side of the bell tower, staring blankly at the ground.

      “Whoa there, hey, boy, are you okay?” Only when he turned did I see that look in his eyes, the look to end his life. I knew that look. I saw it staring back at me every day in the mirror. Shit. Good boys shouldn’t want to kill themselves, that’s my job. “H-hey, don’t worry, everything’s gonna be fine. Okay? Just step away from the ledge. I won’t hurt you, you’ll be okay, come here. We’ll get you down safe. Alright?” And then, the realization sunk into him, and I saw the look of pure horror on his face. The look that said, I don’t know how I got up here, I don’t know what I was thinking, but please, please, just help me. So that’s what I did. “Here, swing your leg back over the railing, and grab onto the bell. The ledge is too thin for you, come, it’ll be okay.” He moved in probably the most ungraceful way I could’ve ever seen, but I saw all the beauty that was held beneath this boy’s cold exterior, hidden under his head of mint hair, and buried deep underneath the left side of his black leather jacket. Maybe death wasn’t the only thing I loved. After he was safely behind the railing, a few claps came from the ground, and as I peered over the ledge, I was only met with the piercing and judgmental gazes of the other students and my principle, Mr. Wiele. I hate that man, that fat, stubby, ugly bald man. But, just gotta keep up my happy little facade and maybe I’ll be okay. Maybe. I swiftly jumped over the railing, to be met with the boy’s gaze, staring at me deeply.

      “A thank you would be appreciated, Yoongi.”

       “U-um, t-thanks… (Y/-”

       “(Y/N). But you can call me (L/N).” I beamed a smile at him, and I couldn’t possibly see how this boy was the confident, cool Yoongi you had always heard rumors about. “Well, you’d better get down there. Everyone thinks you saved me, because I just couldn’t get the wonderful title of being a hero. Go on, shoo. I’ll see you later.” Just then, my friend Charlie comes up. He has a darker complexion, and also gets laid more than anyone I know. But, then again, I don’t really know that many people.

       “They’re serving pizza today.” He says, as if I’m not eight stories above ground ready to kill myself. But, I’m not, because you shouldn’t kill yourself if there’s pizza in store for you. That’s just a rule. Well, not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Now isn’t the time, (Y/N). Not when you get to have pizza. I smiled, and looked over to a blank looking Yoongi.

      “Well, we’d better get going. See ya Minty.”

      “Oh yeah, (Y/N)? Mr. Hoarts wants to see you.” Ah shit. Maybe it should’ve been today. But there are a lot of people around, I’ll still have to wait.

      “Ugh, fine, let’s go. Bye Minty.” I offered a smile to Yoongi over my shoulder, only to be met with an empty gaze. So much for a thank you.

      “Do you think this is some kind of joke, (L/N)?” Mr. Hoarts’s voice seemed to bounce off the walls, and god, I hate his voice. It’s so annoying and whiny and ugh, he’s just terrible.

      “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your death is some kind of joke?”

      Yes. “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your family would be okay? And that they wouldn’t miss you?”

      They wouldn’t give a single shit, they’d probably be glad that I left their lives. These thoughts started racing through my head too, and soon it would be too much of a hassle to answer these questions because he knows that what I’m thinking is true, and he also knows that I know that he’s secretly reading these questions off of a pamphlet under his desk. “I’m sure they would miss me, sir.” A sigh left his lips. His ugly, hideous, disgustingly chapped lips. No wonder he’s single. He leans over the desk, his hands now crossed and setting on a few papers, which looked like forms for some depression pills, which, surprisingly, aren’t prescribed for me. But I guess I already have some. He was too close for comfort, even though there was quite a distance between us. If the distance isn’t the problem, maybe it’s the fucking garlic bagel he had for breakfast. God, did you just eat a full clove? Learn how to brush your damn teeth! You need a mint? I got some of those. Some gum? Got that too. Anything man, just please, you smell like a dog’s asshole.

      “(Y/N), you’re a good girl.” Ew. “You have a lot to live for, and you don’t need to squander it by making bad decisions, and you surely don’t need to end it. I care about you, kid.” Ew. Again. And, that’s also one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard. That, and the fact that my dad loves me. That right there is pure bullshit. But so is this speech. “Don’t kill yourself. Okay?”

      “Yes, sir.” I hope he knows that’s the best answer he’s gonna get. Another sigh, and he leans back in his chair.

      “You’re free to go. I don’t wanna see you back in here for a long while, (L/N).”

      “Yes, sir.” And I left. He never once mentioned Yoongi, and I’m relieved.

       By lunch, the news that Min Yoongi had saved (Y/N) (L/N) from jumping off of the bell tower to her death was all around the entire school.. On my way to the cafeteria, coming from English Literature, I got caught up behind this group of girls who were talking about it. You know, the girls who talk really high-pitched, and at the end of every statement they say, their pitch raises just a bit more and makes it sound like a question. So, like, I heard she had a gun? And like, Yoongi had to wrestle it out of her hands? And, she was, like, about to shoot him? Okay, so apparently I’m all tragic and dangerous now. Oh yeah, I think. Totally.

       “So, tell me the scoop on the Yoongi dude.” I shove a piece of pizza into my mouth as I say that, looking over at Charlie and my other friend Violet expectantly.

      “Don’t you both have like, five classes together?”

      “What, do you think I actually talk to him? Today marks the first day he’s ever even glanced in my general direction, even if I did just talk him out of killing himself. He’s with the cool kids, right?” Their hums of approval urged me forward, realizing he’s had a few scarring incidents of his own. “Oh… wait, he was the one with the brother who got in a car crash, right? Last winter?” More hums. “Ahhhh… So I’m guessing today means something important to him, if he’s just now going to the ledge. Besides pizza, I mean. That’s important to everyone.” Now an eye roll from both of them. “Well if you two aren’t gonna be any help, I’ll just head to class early then.” I picked up all my shit and saluted to them both as I threw my trash away and sauntered out from the lunch hall.   

      I get to my U.S. Geography classroom, feeling some emotions, like power, excitement, invincibility, and strangely, exhilaration, as if I just escaped, well, death. I look around, and no one is paying attention to me, nor our teacher Mr. Scizer, who is literally the largest man I have ever laid my eyes on. He has a beet red face, that makes him look like he’s always on the verge of having a heatstroke or a heart attack. Which, he probably is. And his has this wheeze when he talks, and even when he breathes. 

      We’re doing some sort of “Exploring Indiana” unit, where students have to actually get off of their lazy asses and get out of their houses for once. It was also a way for kids to, “Learn more about our glorious state and discover all of the beautiful things it holds.” A quote from Mr. Scizer, except without the wheezing and breathy pauses he had to take. No joke.

      A noise somewhere across the room stops his speech, possibly the sound of a boy dropping his book on the floor. He bends down to pick it up, which then upsets the rest of his books and causing them all to tumble to the ground. A quiet, “Goddamn it,” leaves the boy’s lips as he grabs everything from the floor. This is all followed by laughter, because we’re in high school, and apparently this shit is supposed to be funny. The boy who dropped his books is Min Yoongi, as in the one I saved from plummeting to his death on the bell tower. I can see the slight glimmer of annoyance in his dark chocolate orbs. Not the, ‘You-are-all-so-damn-annoying-and-I’m-about-to-just-walk-out’ kind, but more like the ‘I’m-about-to-die-from-embarrassment-right-now-and-if-you-all-don’t-shut-the-hell-up-I-will-kill-you’ kind. I have felt this many times before, and, seeing as Yoongi is about one dropped pencil away from strangling someone, I knock one of my own books down. All eyes are on me. Leaning over to grab it, I purposely shove the others off my desk, followed by more laughter and the normal, “Nice job, freak” from the school’s biggest dick - Gage Raymond.

      “If you’re… Done… Miss (Y/N)… I would like… To… Continue.” I settle back into my chair, take a bow, and offer a wink and a smile to Yoongi. I see the slightest upturn of his lips, before he turns back to the front of the class, and I immediately feel so much better. 

      Mr. Scizer fixes his gaze on Yoongi, then on me, back to Yoongi, back to me, and finally, onto the blackboard behind him.  He picks up a piece of chalk and scribes out the words, “Wander the Wonders”. He’s really bad at titles.

      “As I… Was saying… You all need to… Wander around Indiana… In pairs as you… Discover the beauties… Of our state… Together.” He goes on to ramble about how we can choose wherever we would like to go, and however we would like to do it. We also have to try to find out ways they all relate, and we have to document the fact that we actually went there with videos and pictures, along with a ten page essay. “This assignment… Will be worth… Forty-five percent… Of your final grade.”

      I raise my hand.

      “(Y/N)?”

      “Do we get to choose out partners?”

      “Yes.”

      “I choose Yoongi.”

      “You can both… Work that… Out… After class is… Dismissed.” After class it is then, I mouth to him. And he smiles. Again. I made him smile.

      As per usual, Gage Raymond blocks my way from getting out of this hellhole.

      Raymond says, “I’d better not catch you looking at me again.” I try not to laugh at this, because I know if I do, it’ll start a fistfight.

      “I wasn’t looking at you. Trust me, there are about a million other thing I would rather look at, including Mr. Scizer’s large, naked ass.”

      “Fag.” Breathe, (Y/N). Count. He isn’t worth the effort to kill. Just count. You’ll be fine. One, two, three… And that little voice inside my head was right. He wasn’t worth any kind of effort, especially the kind that would go into having to distract everyone, kill him silently, drag him off somewhere, and act innocent. Instead, I plastered this dumb, sweet smile on my face as I looked up at him and said,

      “I’m glad you know who you truly are.” And I walked out.

      At home, I jump onto my computer and do something I’ve never done - make a social media account. I create a Facebook name, post a profile pic, and go straight to Yoongi’s page. I send a friend request, and I wait. Then, a few minutes later, I’m suddenly engrossed in a conversation with him on where we should visit for the project, actually being accepted by someone for once in my life. 

      After skipping dinner, the conversation suddenly got a bit too deep.

Me: So, why exactly were you on the bell tower today?

Yoongi: Well, today would’ve been my brother’s 19th birthday. He always said some shit about how he was gonna wreck the whole town on this night, and he’d bring me with him.

Me: Oh, that makes a bit more sense. You just didn’t seem like the person who would want to.. Y’know… Kill themselves.

Yoongi: Well, what about you? Why were you up there??

Me: Oh, I was going to jump, but it was too public, too crowded, and it was probably gonna be too messy. Then I saw you, and I thought, “Oh shit, we don’t need the janitor working overtime.”

Yoongi: Shit, I’m sorry for asking…

Me: Nah, it’s fine Minty.

Yoongi: “MINTY”???

Me: HELL YEAH, MINTY YOONGLZ!!!!

Yoongi: Oh my fucking god, you’re the only person I will ever let call me that.

Me: I feel honored, Sir Yoonglz.

Yoongi: oKAY, goodnight (N/N)

Me: AWWWWWW HE CARES ABOUT MEEEEE HE GAVE ME A NICKNAMEEEE~

Yoongi: and sweet dreams to you too.

      And now, now that I’m still here, that I’m still alive, that I’m still Awake, I’m actually happy. Because I may have never fallen in love with this boy if I wasn’t. 

      “So not today,” I sing, “I won’t leave yet, because he smiled at me.”

      Yoongi and (Y/N)’s Rules for Wandering

There are no rules. Life is one big rule as is.

But, there are guidelines. (What? They sound less strict, okay?)

           a) No using phones or a GPS to get us there. All maps. (and the occasional civilian) 

           b) We alternate who chooses where we go, but we also have to just go with the flow of where the road takes us. But, no matter what, under any circumstance, can the spot be ordinary.

           c) At every spot, we have to leave something of ours behind, kinda like an offering. And, if we’d like, we can use it as an exchange, and take something with us from the spot.

      I clamber into my old pickup, better known as Combine, because this baby could plow through anything. It’s the middle of the night, and I step on the gas as hard as I can. And off I go. My foot is pressed down against the floor of the truck, the sudden urge to go faster hitting me like a bullet. Faster, and faster, and faster, I speed out of the town and fly down the gravel roads. The speedometer climbs up higher and higher, a joyous feeling as I see the needle shaking, and going to it’s furthest point. And then I let loose. I slow to a stop, and I turn around. Now I’m on my way to Yoongi’s house.

      I make it back there in about five minutes, and I park the truck halfway down the street so I don’t look too suspicious. As I come up to his house, I grab a few pebbles from the street and fling them at his window. After seeing no sign of him, I climbed up the vines and hopped through his window. That surely woke him up, because I immediately see him shoot up and pull out a hunting knife.

      “God fuckin- Shit, (Y/N)!  I was about to fucking stab you!” I fall onto the edge of his bed laughing and clutching my stomach, clawing at the fabric of my thin shirt. “Stop laughing!” I could hear how his smile was slowly spreading over his features, and lighting up his eyes as a quiet chuckle escaped his lips. 

      “I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has a knife at hand while they’re sleeping.” At this, a wide, adorable gummy smile pulls at his mouth, and I didn’t know any kind of disease or sickness that could possibly be more infectious than that damn smile.

      “That makes two of us. But anyways, what are you doing here?” I smiled again, and chucked a shirt and some sweatpants at him after noticing that he was completely naked, save for a pair of boxers that were loosely hanging around his waist. 

      “We are going wandering. Chop chop, leave a note or something, and off we go.” I threw some shoes and socks onto his bed, slipped into a sweatshirt of his, and quickly pulled him out of the window before he could tie his shoes. “Hurry up and climb, I’ll race ya to the truck!” With that, I bolted off down the street, sprinting in the middle of the road. Surprisingly, he caught up and and beat me to the truck. We both jumped in, and we sped off to my special place, my safe place, the Blue Hole.

      I could see his head turn to admire me, and I tried to hide the enormous grin that was bound to paint itself on my face. “So… Where exactly are we going?” Oh, I think, there’s the grin. I crank up the radio so the music carries its way out of the window, and I laugh when I look over to him. Who would’ve known that he could look so beautiful in the moonlight?

      I lean over and peck his cheek as I look back at the road ahead of us, Combine, my mind, and my heart, all racing at the same time. “The Blue Hole!!” I have to yell in order for him to hear me over the radio, but fuck, it feels so good to be able to yell. “It’s my safe spot, it’s like- Y’know what, you’ll see when we get there!!!” I smile over at him again, and it’s like the entire world only consists of us, this truck, and this road.

      We get there at the crack of dawn, the sunrise painting the sky in an array of vibrant colors, like violet, blue, orange, and various other shades. I turn over to Yoongi, smiling from ear to ear. “Okay, so this is the Blue Hole. It’s a quarry with on of those trenches in it, where if can be eight feet deep for one foot and then suddenly you’re sinking down into a hole of a deep blue abyss. So, I named it that because it’s kinda like a black hole, only with water, sucking you down deeper and deeper. So yeah, come on!!~” I put Combine in park, get out and slam the door shut, rip off my clothes, and dive in.

      “(Y/N), WAIT!!!!” I can hear Yoongi’s distressed cry even from how deep I am. I must be at least twenty feet down. I stay down there for around five or six minutes, seeing how long I could stay. I’m used to practicing at home, in the bath or just out of water. Being surrounded my the liquid made it all different. My lungs are screaming for air, trying to claw and grasp at the faintest molecule for any sign of relief. My eyelids are slowly drooping, and the light from the surface seems to be slowly fading. I swim up, up, up, to the point where I think this is all a dream, one repetitive motion, and I’ve really been Asleep this whole time. After what seems like an eternity, air gets sucked into my lungs as I gasp for it, trying to shake the black dots away that are littering my vision. I swim to the side where I can stand, and I look up to be crushed in a giant hug.

      “Y-you bitch… God… I-I thought you were dead… I though you left me…” His voice cracked as many times as possible, and I heard how broken he was. He cares for me, I thought. He missed me. He was worried. I slowly move my arms up, ignoring how my muscles were pleading for rest, feeling like sandbags were tied to my wrists. My fingers dance through his hair, closing my eyes to soak up this moment. He really does care. I squeeze my eyes shut and croak out, noticing how dry and harsh my voice sounded, knowing it would stay that way for a few days. 

      “… I-I’m so sorry, Yoongi…” I didn’t realize that I was crying until the salty liquid hit the corner of my lips. “I’m so, so sorr-” I couldn’t hear my voice anymore, but I could feel the soothing feeling of his lips on mine. He hoisted me up and carried me out of the water, my legs instantly wrapped around his waste as he walked back up the trail to Combine. I had already had a thick comforter in the flatbed, it being taped down from when I would drive off and spend days in my truck. He laid me down, instantly climbing between my legs as he slipped off the last pieces of clothing I had on. I had no idea what emotions really were before I met Min Yoongi.

      I laid in his arms, both of our gazes directed up to the clouds. My fingers absentmindedly ran up and down his arm, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. My heart was still calming down from what had just happened, because it happened with someone I love, and they love me back. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that fact. I felt like I could live forever - and for once in my miserable, useless, life, I don’t feel apposed to that idea. As long as I’m by his side.

      As we gathered our stuff and threw on our clothes, I held his shirt and smiled up at him. “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.” His laugh reverberated throughout my being, his smile nothing compared to the sun beating down on us both.

      “I love you too, Miss (N/N).”

We decided that this would absolutely be a spot, so I threw a few historical coins into a tin from my truck, and Yoongi tossed his old necklace in with it. We buried the tin near the shore, and turned back to Combine. With one last kiss, we were both back on the road to what normal people would call, ‘home’. 

      We’re as far from normal as possible.

      “I’m home.” My voice rang through the house, my sister’s head poking out from the kitchen.

      “Good. We have to go to dad’s house tonight, remember?” God. Not him. He was a poor excuse for a human, even worse than myself. Fuck, he’d be a poor excuse for a damn rat.

      The words left my lips before I could process what I was saying. “Don’t call him that.” I’m lucky this was my sister, because we both believe that he shouldn’t even be on this planet. “You and I both know his status is lower than a damn gnat.” I sighed as she looked at  me with eyes that told me, yes, I know. He’s terrible. And I feel sorry for mom. I went up to my room, and lit up a cigarette as I changed into something. I shouldn’t even be putting any effort into this, I thought. He doesn’t deserve any effort. I decided on some black ripped jeans and some worn out black Chuck Taylors, keeping on Yoongi’s sweatshirt that I had almost forgot was on my torso.

      “(Y/N), let’s go!! Take your truck, I’ll head over now!” I looked toward the door and yelled back down to my sis.

      “Okay, don’t let him touch you.” I could hear her faint sigh as she grabbed her keys and walked out. I heard her car pull out from the driveway, and I turned to look at the picture on my desk. It was one of me, my sister, my mother, and what used to be my father, except for how I tore him off and burned him with a lighter. He left our family after abusing all of us, then finally saying that he’d already been cheating on our mother for six years prior. Then, my mom died in a car crash, and now it’s just me and my sis. I grabbed the frame and slammed it down onto my knee, shards of glass propelling all over my room. Why is he still alive? He shouldn’t be walking!

      After I got all of the glass out of my palms, and washed off all of the blood, I hopped into Combine and drove off to my “Father”s house. It really was a nice house, very expensive and very fancy. It was obvious he was in this relationship for the money. He married this really rich Daddy’s Girl, but she’s a surprisingly nice person. I have no idea how she’s dealt with him thus far, especially without getting a few broken bones from him. She’s probably scared, I think. I pull up and park my pickup in the driveway, hoping that the neighbors won’t have to call the cops again. Yet we all know just that will happen. 

      My fingers are prickling, like ten thousand needles all stabbing me at once, and I feel the need to wrap them around someone’s throat and just squeeze. I hop out and enter almost completely silent, a tactic I’ve used to get into Yoongi’s house in broad daylight. I offer Rhynna, the new wife, a nod, glare at her scrawny little boy, Tyler - who may or may not be that man’s, I still don’t think so - and I head downstairs to see my sis in the corner on her phone. My stature hardens instantaneously at the words that fall from the man’s mouth.

      “There’s my other girl.” Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That. Before I could stop myself, I’ve already stalked over to him and slammed my fist into his jaw. I heard the cracking sound of his right jaw joint dislocating, and a surge of power washed over me. The prickling in my fingers is getting stronger, and I encase his throat with my hands and wring them back and forth. 

      “Don’t you EVER call me that again!”  Next thing I knew, I was the one getting strangled, my whole body being held up in the air by his hand on my neck.

      “Is that how you treat your father? Don’t call you what? Huh?! Spit it out, bitch!” I feel an immense pain shooting through my back, and up to my skull as I see I was thrown into the wall. This is how family reunions go with us.

      Now I’m getting picked up again, by my hands this time. I feel my fingers touch the back of my hand, all the knuckles and joints twisting and snapping. Once again, I’m being dropped, and I’m met face to face with the man, who’s in an unconscious state from a vase - which is probably worth more than my truck - that hit him on the head. I look up to my teary and red-eyed sister, and only mutter a few quiet words.

      “Please don’t take me to the hospital. Just get him behind bars.”  

        We get home after a while, and my sis stitches up my head and chin, as well as making some makeshift casts for my hands. After many attempts, I finally type out something on Facebook, that he would possibly be able to read.

Me: Please come over.

      A few minutes later, after thinking he hadn’t seen it, my bedroom door bursts open to see Yoongi, a panting, disheveled mess, but still as beautiful as ever.

      “What happened?!” I’m ready to laugh at him, tell him this is all a joke, that it’s a big prank, with makeup and cameras. But I can’t. Because I know he see the pain in my eyes. He can see how I’m trying to hold onto that last, tiny shard of sanity I have left. He knows me better than I know me.

       My voice is hoarse and broken, surprising even myself at how I sound. “My ‘dad’ happened.” I can see how he’s ready to apologize, how he’s ready to say how sorry he is, but he doesn’t, because he knows that sorry has no meaning. Instead, he walks over to me and sits next to me on the bed, pulling me in for a warm hug, and my figure melts with his perfectly. We stay like this for a majority of the day, only breaking apart when my sister brings up food for us.

      “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.”

      “And I love you, Miss (N/N).”

      Yoongi is always around now, helping me when my sis is at work. School excused the both of us, believing our bullshit lie that I got into a car crash and Yoongi was my designated caretaker. One morning, while he was still asleep, I managed to slip away from his grasp and get into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and chopped off the casts. That probably woke him up, because he rushed into the bathroom and looked at me with wide eyes once he saw the casts on the floor.

      “(Y/N)!!! What are you doing?! You need the casts so you can heal proper-” I cut him off with a kiss, knowing well what he was going to say afterwards. I held either sides of his face with my mangled, twisted, crooked fingers, and looked deep into his eyes. His sigh tickled my lips, and he looked back at me when his hands wrapped around my waist. “I just… I hate seeing you this way. I just don’t want you to be hurt.” I dare not say how I’m already hurt. “It pains me to think about you like this, let alone see you. But promise me this-” I hate promises. He knows this. “-You’ll be careful.” That’s the worst promise of all. I just give him a simple nod, and he knows I’m lying, but he doesn’t push it. “Now what are you doing? Why’d you cut off the casts?” My eyes light up at this, a smile spreading over my face.

      “We’re going wandering!” I lightly grab his hand, because my fingers are still barely mobile, and tug him out.

      “What? No, no, you can barely move! I can’t let you do this, (Y/N). I can’t let you do something when I know it’ll hurt you.” He slowly pulled me to a stop, and I could see the worry in his eyes. 

      I sigh, and look up at him. “This will make me feel better, Yoongi. I promise I’ll stay in bed for awhile after, but please, just come with me.” There’s conflict swirling around his eyes, his brows furrowed in concern. He’ll say yes, I think. Knowing him, and him knowing me. His head makes the tiniest movement upward, and that’s enough for me to pull him out to Combine. I hop in with a grin, and speed out of town with my hand in his. I roll the windows down, and crank up the radio until the sound speeds out the windows and into the open air.

      “So where are we going again?” I could faintly hear Yoongi’s voice yell over the booming music, and I looked over to be met with the smile that could cure my seemingly never ending sadness.

      “I don’t know the name, but I call it the bookmobile park! There’s a bunch of mobile homes- actually, you’ll see when we get there!” I laugh as the wind licks at my cheeks, my hair flying all around. This is what life should really be like, I thought. Something worthwhile.

      We drive about thirty miles away from town, and finally, we come up to about half a dozen old mobile homes sitting in a barren field, with nothing around it for miles. I smile and jump out with him, racing him to the park. I follow him into one that has his favorite genre painted on the outside, the letters chipping and peeling away. I’m surprised he could even understand what it said. He gathers up some books, all with worn covers and damaged pages, and I smile once I see the familiar childhood titles.

      “My brother would read these all to me when I was younger. We would go back and forth with the lines. He’d read one, and I’d read the next. I memorized all of them, and he called me crazy for it. Hell, I probably still have them memorized.” I can’t really imagine having something like that happening to me. He’s my everything, just like his brother was to him, and I couldn’t bare the thought of loosing him. But it would happen sooner or later. Rather, sooner than later.

      We’d gathered up a pile of books, and went to pay. The owner, an older woman, let us off for free saying that we were a “Cute couple, and they get things handed to them.” Then we realized that we had to leave something, so we left twenty bucks anyways and a few cigarette butts we had earlier. We packed all of our books, and sat in the car. I realized how much I love him. I realize how much he cares. But I realize that I was a mistake, a walking, talking, living, breathing, fuck up. I should be dead by now, I should’ve jumped, or stopped holding my breath, or had too many pills. I realized all of this, so I got in Combine with him, and I told myself: Just drive.

      He picks a place now, called the Painted Rainbow Bridge. I let him drive, and we speed off to find it in Indianapolis, not giving a care in the world. We pass a cigarette back and forth, and finally, after three cigarettes and more than one hundred songs, we find what we’re looking for. I get out and walk with him, a sharpie hidden in the pocket of his sweatshirt I’m wearing. We walk over to the more hidden side of the bridge, and I pull the sharpie out and hand it to him.

      “Time to do some cliche teenager move.” I laugh with him as he scribbles his name down, and I shakily position the marker in my bent fingers. He holds my hand to help, guiding it along to spell my name. God, I’m going to miss him. Anyways, we walk our way along the bridge, reading all of the old love notes scrawled out on the sides. Swinging our hands back and forth, we race each other back to the truck, which ended up with him carrying me like a newlywed because he was worried about my back. We left a banged up tin of Altoids under it the bridge, along with a dented can of beer. He drove us back home, and he stayed the night with me, starting up a warm bath for my joints.

      I need to end this, I thought. I can’t let him know.

      Later that night, we made a fort in my empty closet, and he saw all my post-its hanging on the wall. “What are all of these?” Reasons to die.

      “Oh, I just wrote them down in case I wanted to use them for a song. In that case, here, I have something for you.” I rummaged around in an old shoebox before I found what I was looking for. I had thrown together all the songs we listen to while we’re wandering onto a cassette tape, as well as a whole other one with songs I wrote for him. “I don’t know if you’ll really like them, but I threw them together pretty quick.” A kiss was all I needed from him, as I moved to his lap, so I could feel how much I actually mattered to him, so I could feel the desire he had for me.

      Later, we tore down all the sad, miserable, and painstakingly true notes, and we replaced them with notes of love, and happiness. Two emotions that I learned now that I had Yoongi with me. Once he falls asleep, I look up at the old, glowing, sticky stars that are on the ceiling.

      “Maybe not today,” I sing. “Maybe not today, because he cares. They say every life is important, but only one person cares about mine. It’s the first breath of air you get when your head’s been drowning underwater, that’s love.”

      We let Yoongi go home tonight, after giving him many kisses and dancing for him just to show that I was all okay. I couldn’t sleep that night. So, I went to my bathroom and slid open to mirror to find all my pills. I had some pain killers and sleeping pills that my sis gave me, earlier in the phase where everything was aching. I pour all of the pills out into my hands from both bottles. 22, 23, 24… 24 in total. What happens if I down 24 pills? I didn’t know, so I tested it, doing 12 at a time. I felt nothing for a bit, but then it hit me, the aching pain in my head, how reality was slipping out of my reach, black dots trying to cloud my vision. No, not yet, I told myself. I didn’t get to tell him. Crawling to the toilet, I shoved two fingers down my throat, pushing them in and out, until every last little pill was floating in the water. I flushed them down the drain once I counted another time, just to make sure. Well, that was easy. Maybe I’ll leave that way.

      I wake up in the morning, or more like late afternoon, and quickly blast some music so I could function a bit more properly. Later, I logged onto Facebook to see where we’d be going today.

Me: Got any ideas Sir Minty Yoonglz?

Yoongi: Surprisingly, I do. There are these two roller coasters some junkie dude built in his backyard. I think he’s kinda old now, but I called him to check if we could come, and he said we could. We’re supposed to be there sometime around 4 o’clock, so you’d better get ready because I know you just woke up. 

Me: You’re saying I just woke up? You were still asleep and just woke up from the notification and you know it! 

Yoongi: Yeah yeah, whatever (Y/N).

Me: Love you too~

      After getting ready, I packed up a few strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches and some cold root beer for supper. When two arms wrapped around my waist, a smile found its way onto my face. I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek, smiling up at him.

      “Ready (N/N)?”

      “Indeed, Minty Yoonglz.” We walked out hand in hand, and he drove us off to Bruceville, off to meet the junkie genius named John Ivers, who built two fucking roller coasters in his backyard. Now that’s talent. It takes us a while to get there, but it was definitely worth the wait. They weren’t the giant, eighty feet tall kind, they were only about fifteen feet tall, and really short. But the second you got on, it was the most fun you would have had in a long time.You go up and down, through all the twists and loops, in a super short period of time. It really gets your blood pumping, to know that this thing might fall apart any second, and hey, maybe that’s how I’ll die. Having a coaster cart crush me as I fall fifteen feet down to the ground, or maybe the seat belt isn’t secure enough, and I’ll slip out and hit my head too hard. We both take turns, going on and off, and then we try the Blue Flash Too. That one isn’t nearly as fun as the original, so we go back to it. We ask John a few questions while I scribble some notes down, and doodle a few pictures of the coasters down. Later, we drive off to a field and eat the supper I packed.

      “So babe… Tell me about your brother…” I could tell how his body froze a bit underneath me, and I knew I should’ve just left it alone. Typical, stupid (Y/N).

      “Well… His name was Seokjin. Though, everyone just called him Jin. We were driving back from a party one night, and we were fighting in the car. I told him to just take the bridge, even though it was bound to be icy. He did it just so I would shut up, just so he could make me happy… T-the car crashed up against the side of it, and… I was the one who lived… God, I should’ve been the one who was driving, I should’ve died, I should’ve just let him take the damn road! I should’ve jumped.” My heart slams into my stomach at that, my arms wrapping around him tight.

      “You’re too young to die. You have too much ahead of you, too many great things that will get you ahead of life’s threats. You’ll get through this Yoongi. Trust me.” Trust me, I thought. Trust me, just this once. Because it’ll be me, not you. I really couldn’t take this, knowing what would happen to him. I know he should’ve stayed away, but really, his life would’ve been worth more to save then mine. So now we’re here. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t be alive, he should be all okay, with a better girl, and a better life, and everything would be okay. I wouldn’t have dragged him down with me, he wouldn’t have even known I had existed, I’d just be the girl who killed herself. And I’d be okay with that, if I didn’t meet him. And that’s been the best and worst decision of my life.

      We finally get home, splitting our different ways. I sit at my chair and  look down at the combinations of black and white keys, and I slowly play some chords, letting the sound float around my room. Then I sing. “I can change my mind each day, changing how I live, but I still remember your birthday and your brother’s favorite song. I didn’t mean to wear you, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you like shit, I’m sorry for not believing you loved me. Someone will, but someone isn’t me.” I stay up the rest of the night, move all of my stuff into a corner, and pull out some paint. I cover the walls, painting it all black. I take some chalk and scribble down a note for someone on the wall, and I take everything out of the room. I keep a few blankets, and I spend the night in my closet, emptying all of the clothes out of it. I stay up, looking at the glow in the dark stars, just thinking, maybe I could become a real one tomorrow.

      I was supposed to be at school the next day, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere. Because I was everywhere. During our lunch break, My computer and phone both started blowing up. Yoongi was worried. He didn’t have to be.

Yoongi: (Y/N)? Where are you?

Yoongi: I haven’t seen you here all day.

Yoongi: I know it was something I said.

Yoongi: God, I’m so sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean any of the things I said last night.

      Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention, but after I told him that he had too much to live for, a fight broke out. See, once again, all my fault. Just like everything is.

“Who are you to tell me what I have ahead of me?! He was my everything! I’m nothing without him, I don’t have anything left of him, and he was my best memory. I should’ve died, I should just go kill myself, maybe I’ll just crash this damn car, and go out like him! Maybe it’ll look like an accident, just like us.”

      I had never seen this side of him, but he obviously doesn’t like it. I hope he’s okay. I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.

      He went to Charlie and Violet, thinking that they would know. No one really knew.

      “Do you two know where (Y/N) is?” I can just imagine the worry in his eyes again.

      Charlie actually looked up from his phone for once, and calmly explained what he thought had happened to me.“Oh, she’s probably just off doing her things again. She’ll be back sooner or later, don’t fret. It’s just her.” I won’t be back.

      “Aren’t you at least a bit worried about her?”

      This time, Violet spoke up. “Really Yoongi, don’t worry. She’ll be okay, she just randomly travels sometimes, no one really knows when it happens or where she goes. But she always comes back.” Not this time.

      It had been weeks, months, even, since anyone had last seen me. Same for Yoongi. He had gone out to look for me, going back to every wandering place, back to my house, seeing every note I had written. He knew he was hot on my trail, seeing how every hint I gave was still fresh. He was still a bit too slow, though. He had finally come back to the place where everything was made official, where everything started fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Where the first butterflies had come in, where the first kiss had happened, where we had shared our first tears together - The Blue Hole. Quickly, he dug through the old, crumbled dirt, looking for that old tin. Finally, he found a mound of disturbed soil, and he pulled out the tin. Everything was still there and intact, except for the added Polaroid of us in front of the Blue Hole, and a note, a small note that read:

      To Yoongi, aka Sir Minty Yoonglz.

I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You were my one and only lover, my first and my last, the only one who cared, and the best and worst decision that ever happened to me. I didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind. You worried about me too much. No one else worried enough.

From your lover, (Y/N), aka (N/N).

      That’s when he knew. That’s when he knew that the tears hitting the paper weren’t all some part of a terrifying nightmare, or that this wasn’t all normal for me to do, or that this wasn’t all a prank that would have over a million views on Youtube. That’s when he knew.

      He knew when he saw my body, floating lifelessly in the water, on the other shore of the Blue Hole. That’s when he knew he was too late, and that he had just missed me.

      That’s when he knew he lost the single thing that he had cared about.

      That’s when he knew he lost me.

[ficsforfangirls]

A Carry On Dictionary: Letter D

Letter A     |     Letter B     |      Letter C     |      Letter D     |     Letter E

Letter F (Rated: M)     |     Letter G     |     Letter H     |     Letter I     |     Letter J

Letter K     |      Letter L     |     Letter M     |     Letter N     |     Letter O

Letter P     |     Letter Q     |     Letter R     |     Letter S     |     Letter T    

Letter U     |      Letter V     |     Letter W (Trigger Warnings)     |      Letter X

Letter Y     |     Letter Z

AO3 with the whole collection <3

deplorable; {dih-plawr-uh-buh-l} 

causing or being a subject for grief or regret; lamentable action

Watching Simon and Baz try to deal with each other in this awkward romantic minefield is hardly what Penny would consider to be fun. For a year Simon has been keeping Baz in this are-we-aren’t-we limbo while Baz has been treading softly the line between caring too much and not enough. Something about them isn’t quite syncing up yet and, honestly, her working theory is that they’ve put too much distance between themselves. Baz is living on campus at the London School of Economics while Simon is working odd jobs doing seasonal working here and there when business requires extra hands.

 Simon thought that because Baz had been his roommate at Watford that they’d shared too much time together to really learn how to be a healthy couple living apart. Perhaps that was true at first, but now? Penny is sure that if they don’t get the nudge they need to be reminded that their feelings are larger than their fears.

 That’s why Penny upped the ante by hanging mistletoe everywhere. Not just in doorways, not just by windows, but literally every six inches there’s mistletoe hanging from the wall. It’s not in a perfectly straight line, either, so that no matter what, there will be kissing. Penny personally wants to see Simon and Baz kiss each other at least one hundred times before midnight.

 Because at midnight Micah is going to propose-ish…

 There have been talks for a couple of weeks that at the end of Penny’s break year that she would accept an internship overseas to be closer to Micah. Their long distance relationship has remained strong and loving despite the odds against them, and the thousands of leagues too. Of course, the plan was always that they would reunite either in American or in London. Leaving her family behind would be hard but in the end, it was Micah who would have to give up a job. Penny had nothing to lose. She was a good enough at Watford that she could easily attend anywhere should she wish.

 Anyway, Baz arrives at the flat before Simon gets off of work. Being a non-imbecile, he notices the mistletoe straight away. “What’s your game, Bunce?”

 “All of the kisses, Basilton. All – of – the – kisses!” Her plan wouldn’t work if she didn’t have a partner in crime. She doesn’t explain everything, such as the proposal (which is really Micah officially inviting her to America by giving her a copy of his house key and a lease agreement which would add her name to the contract). Penny doesn’t even tell him why she wanted to do this. Baz doesn’t ask either.

 In fact, he shakes his head, “You’re deplorable, you know. He thinks you’re this pure scholar with no ill intent. But this?” Baz gestures all around the flat to make his point. He laughs and then continues, “This you telling him how to be in a relationship. I don’t exactly want to push him away.”

 Penny shrugs, setting her mouth to the side and at an angle. Worry grabs her features and forms them in such a way that it reflects her thoughts. Even if she doesn’t need to actually convey to him what she thinks might be happening, she does. “You guys have this invisible chasm settled between you. I’m not sure that either of you even sees it.”

 Baz considers this and waves her off once he’s tossed the concept to the side. Before he leaves to the living room, though, he mutters over his shoulder. “I’d consider myself lucky to get one kiss. Let alone one hundred of them.” The sharpness of his words is indescribable. Penny can’t forcibly fix their relationship any more than she can tell them how to live their lives. With Baz being a vampire and Simon sporting cartoony wings and a tail, there is no ‘normal’ for them. She could never truly understand. Love is something that she does understand, though, and she can see it in their eyes.

 “Deplorable?” she whispers, peeking out the door to the street where Simon would soon be dropped off. “I thought I was more desperate, really.” In a huff, she slams the door shut and walks straight to her bedroom where Micah is talking a nap. She curls up next to him and huffs dramatically this time to wake up her boyfriend.

 “Hm?” With half closed eyes, Micah listens as she gossips about the boys. Here and there he makes a comment. In the end, she admits that she knows she is pushing too hard. She just wants Simon and Baz to be happy, especially before she leaves. Once she accepts Micah’s offer, she’ll be leaving within the month. She wants to start the New Year by his side in America.

 Meanwhile, Baz is sitting on the couch. If Penny is deplorable, then what does that make him? For months he has been stressed about the ‘chasm’ developing between them. Aside from that, he couldn’t remember the last time Simon has kissed him with great passion. He’s lucky to get a peck on the cheek anymore. Surely something has upset him, but was it Baz or someone else? Helping Simon is impossible if he doesn’t ask for it, and especially if he doesn’t let on that there’s even a problem.

 There are other words that Baz thinks of that describe the way everything feels in this lull between years. Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve but only just a few days ago it was Christmas. The time between holidays is this rift of yearning for something new while clinging to something old. Baz wants to revive his relationship, destitute and hopeless as it feels, but a part of him can’t help wanted to be free of the debacle entirely. If Simon isn’t ready – then why pretend to be a couple?

 They’re not even that, really.

 Simon interrupts his thoughts with a loud thud. “I’m alright!” he shouts, clearly having slipped and fallen on the ground. Baz rubs his hands over his face, effectively pushing the loose strands of hair out of his eyes and behind his ears. Standing with a great deal of effort, Baz decides that the only way to move forward is with honesty. He meets Simon at the door underneath the first mistletoe.

 Arm stretched straight up, he is pointing directly to the leaves and berries. “Kiss me,” he directs. “Kiss me under every mistletoe in this house or leave me.”

 “Okay?” Simon hesitates for a moment but then rolls onto his toes and kisses Baz on the lips. It is a lazy exchange. That doesn’t matter, though, because it still is an exchange. “May I ask what brought this on?”

 Baz shakes his head. An understanding forms between them. It hurts too much to say. Simon won’t push him anymore than Baz would. This ultimatum he’s presented to Simon, it’s Baz’s way of talking. Never having been the sort to express himself plainly, it has always been an action-based form of communication between them. The only surprise is that Simon accepted it without protest.

 So they moved six inches backwards. Their steps aren’t in sync, their movements are uncomfortable at best, and their kiss is reminiscent of teenagers fumbling through an awkward smooch than anything else. Incremental improvements are made as they slink through the hallway into the kitchen where they break apart only long enough for Simon to eat a red velvet donut leftover from breakfast. It is adorned with green frosting and red sprinkles. He washes it down with strawberry milk, which personally makes Baz sick to his stomach.

 “Need a break?” he remarks with as little sass as he can possibly manage while Simon stares at him with a distinctly blank expression. For a split second his brown scrunch together and then his features flatten once more. “No, why would you think that?”

 “Then where to?”

 Simon takes an unexpected step towards him, sliding his hand around his waist and pulling him close. They are pressed against one another when Simon tilts his chin up just enough to signal for Baz to dip down. This kiss in tender in a way the previous ones hadn’t been and the linger flavors in Simon’s mouth is alluring. He not only tastes human but he tastes of decadence.

 Moving towards the living room doesn’t take much time, even with the breaks for their kissing, and once they get to the couch, it is Simon who pulls Baz by the belt loop onto his lap. They sit here without kissing, and it looks quite silly since Baz is much larger than Simon, but there he stays with his buttocks planted against Simon’s knees. “Penny’s going to move.”

 It shouldn’t have come as such a shock to Baz, and yet it did. Micah had come to Christmas and he wasn’t staying long, but he brought three very large suitcases. It should’ve been obvious. He was going to ask Penny to go back with him. She had nothing going on here. Her income was tutoring money she earned by helping students at Watford. Penny hadn’t even considered getting a more permanent job during the year she’d been out of school, either. This was always the plan.

 “I’m sorry, mate,” Baz’s entire body softens against his partner. “Do you know what you’re going to do about the flat?”

 Simon decidedly doesn’t reply. Instead, he pushes Baz off and readjusts on the couch so that they can lay there watching television. It was something that Simon absolutely enjoyed and eventually became one of Baz’s favorite pastimes. Lounging around with the best person in the whole world, in his opinion anyway, had a variety of benefits for his mental and emotional health. It took a lot more effort to peel himself away than to sink back against Simon, and that seemed like a pretty great thing to Baz.

 Penny and Micah slink out eventually but they don’t say much. The four of them watch a couple of movies that were just added to Netflix and the chill, in the innocent way and old fashioned way, until Micah and Penny decide it’s time for dinner. Simon never decides because he’d eat nonstop all day. Baz would have to compete with the food for access to the redhead’s mouth.

 Of course, Baz is in that predicament anyway, so maybe it wouldn’t have been too bad after all.

 “I was thinking take-out. Anyone opposed to subs?” Nobody speaks up and so Penny gets the orders from everyone, except Baz, who asks for a bottled water. Since being outed as a vampire, he doesn’t bother faking it for his friends. He’ll drink occasionally but never more than that. With paper in hand, Penny and Micah offer to grab the food and bring it back without even inviting the boys. As far as Baz is concerned, he would rather stay home anyway.

 Simon says he wants to go plug his phone in and invites Baz along for the ‘ride.’ As instructed, they kiss every six inches all the way to his door. The pecks that Simon granted to Baz over the last five or six months make the kisses the share now look explicit. Their tongues dance over one another, deeper and harder each step closer they take to his bedroom.

 Once inside, there are no mistletoes, but it doesn’t deter the boys. Breaking long enough to close the door and actually plug in Simon’s phone, they are soon full and proper snogging on the bed. Little more can be said about their activity until Baz pulls away and looks in Simon’s eyes. “I want you to know that this wasn’t entirely my idea, and I’m kind of a prick for saying you had to kiss me so many times.”

 Simon shrugs, “I figured it must be important to you. Wouldn’t have asked otherwise, right?”

 “I didn’t ask,” he laments, guilt apparent in every way on his body. “It wasn’t right for me to demand it.”

 Sitting up and curling himself into a bit of a pretzel, silence settles in the space between them. It isn’t an uncomfortable sort of quiet, though, because it is clear that they both need it. The reality of it all comes down to one simple truth: they weren’t lost, just busy. When Simon fills the room with his voice, he chirps his acceptance of the terms in a kind tone; “I don’t have the same sort of urges that you do so I think I forget that you need that affirmation. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I want you that way until you make the first move. I’m sorry.”

 “There’s nothing to apologize for, Simon, and you bloody well know it,” Baz barks in prompt reply. It isn’t Simon’s fault that their cravings for physical affection is mismatched. It isn’t Baz’s fault either. Not once did he ever pressure Simon to do something he didn’t want to do, and the fact that he’d presented an ultimatum with the mistletoe made him feel worse than deplorable. “I don’t deserve you and the only person here that should be apologizing is me.”

 “Nobody has anything to be sorry about and I think we should pink swear to drop it,” Simon declares with waving arms and a squeaky voice. This was quite enough chatting for the pair of them, honestly. The time had come to move onto whatever topic they could discuss next that wasn’t nearly as heavy and serious. But before they do, Baz makes a proper request.

 “Can we seal it with a kiss?”

 Growling with a low rumble that sends chills down Baz’s spine, Simon makes a move towards the vampire with his wings spread and his tail wagging back and forth. It is corny in the most attractive way. “It’d be my pleasure.”