#i’m sorry i took forever to respond!! but pls know i’m always thinking about u angel!!😭💘

[starlight-writes-stuff]

hi, do you think you could do another blurb for ethan? maybe something nsfw? like, a party hookup? im thinkin about fratboy!ethan 👁👄👁

(wc: 5.5k) pls im always thinking about fratboy ethan :,) but yes i can do this 100 % ! this ask prompted something deep in me and i ended up making a playlist to go with it as well 🤧here’s the link to that if ur interested https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4yXuVtAKBHexm5ifE9NQ2B ! A L S O i’m sorry this took forever to get to ,,,, life has been a lot recently lol . reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (obvious but still) , sex while under the influence (with explicit consent given) , softdom! ethan , marajuana use , alcohol use , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it , plz) , swearing , college au , an unus annus reference if u look close enough , and i believe thats it . enjoy ! xoxoxoxo , starlight .

a little party never killed nobody

it was the exact same as every other college party you’d ever been to. shitty music, shittier alcohol, shittiest people- except for him. 

when ethan nestor had invited you to a frat party, you’d laughed in his face. you knew that he was a member of data data data, but he wasn’t the type that made it his whole personality. as far as you’d observed, he wasn’t the partying type, either, but there he was, texting you the house address.

“so you’ll come tonight? it’s going to be a pretty big thing- a lot of people coming. you should be able to walk right in, but if anyone gives you shit just tell them you’re with me,” he said, a slight smirk playing on his lips. you and ethan hadn’t been talking for long; technically, you hadn’t even known that he’d existed two weeks ago. 

when ethan had first sauntered up to you in physical sciences, that same smirk painting his face, you’d picked up on the underlying chemistry right away. he was a flirt by nature, but he seemed to play it up even more around you- the brunette boy had asked for your number the first day you met, and you’d been talking almost constantly since. he was funny and sweet and extremely charismatic, and he made your heart flip in your chest with the smallest glance. the two of you hadn’t hung out alone yet, so this party felt like a big deal.

or, at least, that's what you’d thought.

when you showed up at the front door of the frat house loud, bass-filled music was already shaking the window panes in their frames, and you could hear what sounded like a hundred different voices all talking over each other. ethan hadn’t been kidding when he said that it was a big party; at least half of your year was here, plus the older and younger students interspersed throughout the throngs of people as well. as you made your way to the kitchen, ethan was nowhere to be found. you felt as if all eyes were on you as you started to pour a drink, and dimly, you wondered if people could tell that you didn’t belong.

however, most of your anxious thoughts had been subdued after the first solo cup of vodka lemonade, and you were now well through your second. the music pounding throughout the house felt as if it had infiltrated your veins, filling them with a warm, buzzing sensation that loosened your limbs. at some point, a guy had come up to chat with you. then another. you weren't sure how many times you’d given out your snapchat tonight, but it had been a lot, and you were about to do it again. 

the guy you were currently talking to introduced himself as danny. he was some sort of business major, much like every other guy that you’d spoken with tonight, and was very clearly trying to hit on you. even through the alcohol-induced haze, you remembered who you came here for and you weren't leaving without him. you put a hand on danny’s shoulder, effectively cutting him off in the middle of his sentence.

“hey, do you know where ethan is? ethan nestor, i mean? he’s the one who invited me here.”

danny looked disappointed, but seemed to shift and slot puzzle pieces together in his head, snapping his fingers. “you're the girl he invited? that makes so much sense, actually. yeah, he’s out back- toking up, probably,” he explained, gesturing towards a door you would’ve never noticed. “out there and down the stairs. need an escort?”

you almost denied his advances but spotted an old fling loitering by the hidden door. giving danny a tight smile, you drained the rest of your drink and held up a finger. “one sec! stay here.”

butterflies flooded every inch of your being as you stumbled over to the makeshift bar, pouting a variety of liquors into your cup. you were going to see ethan outside of class. on his turf. something about it shook you to your core, but you couldn’t quite figure out why. 

sure, ethan was hot- that was obvious. but he’d been flirty, too. were the two of you a thing? if you weren’t, why had he been talking to danny about 'the girl he was inviting’? clearly, ethan had been talking about you, you just weren't sure of the context. you tried to swallow all these fears as you topped off your cup with lemonade, taking a small sip. trying not to spit it out, you added more juice; you’d made the strongest mixture you could think of, and it tasted like some sort of poison. that didn’t stop you from taking another small sip, then a bigger one. you needed the buzz.

“okay! let's go.”

danny led you out the door and down the stairs with no issue, and you quickly realized how tipsy you were - the stairs seemed to bob and warp under your feet, and you grabbed onto the handrail with a death grip. he noticed this easily, laughing a bit. “are you good?”

“great. it's the heels and alcohol- they don't mix well.” you laughed at yourself, regretting the chunky, heeled boots you’d thrown on.

“you can ditch them, if you want. we’re going out onto a deck, so you won't be in grass or anything,” danny explained, pointing to a pile of shoes by the door you were about to exit. you weren't going to argue with that, thankful that you’d chosen cute socks as you wrestled the footwear off and tossed it onto the pile. your stomach flipped as danny opened the door, cool night air biting into your warm skin, waking you up a bit. the sourish-sweet scent of marijuana flooded the small stairwell, and danny chuckled. “told you he was smoking.”

nothing could’ve prepared you for the way you felt watching ethan take a long drag off of some sort of pen, letting the vapor pour from his lips in pale blue plumes. something about the easy way the smoke seemed to float from his mouth went straight to your center, and you dug your nails into your palms, trying to get yourself under control. ethan finally realized that more people had joined the small crowd on the bench, and his heavy-lidded eyes seemed to light up as they roamed all over you lazily. this only furthered the sensation between your legs, the coils starting to tighten in your lower stomach. 

what the hell?

“y/n, you made it,” ethan said, a smile taking over his face. he quickly hopped down from where he’d been sitting on the guardrail and made his way over, wrapping an arm dangerously low around your waist. he hugged you tightly, making your heartbeat stutter as you squeezed him back.

you mumbled a ‘hello’ into his neck as ethan let his touch linger, your body held tightly to his. someone cleared their throat, conversation starting back up, and ethan reluctantly pulled away, dropping his eyes to yours. he kept a hand on the small of your back, sending electricity running up and down your spine. “having fun?”

you could barely talk as you forced yourself to respond. “yeah, lots. you’re a hard person to find.”

ethan grinned again, letting his head fall back as he laughed. “my bad. i thought you would text me when you got here. found someone to take care of you , though?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. the facial expression did absolutely nothing for the situation building up under your skirt- only worsening your want for the tall boy in front of you. 

“who?”

ethan smirked, dropping his lips to your ear. “that's what i like to hear. you look pretty, y/n.”

the way he said your name practically undid you, ripping your self-control apart at the already weakened seams. you let a hand wander up and down one of ethan’s sculpted arms, outlining the planes of muscle through his hoodie as you crossed your legs; sure, it was the ladylike thing to do, but you were desperately looking for some sort of friction, anything to lessen the need for him.

“thank you.”

ethan nodded, the hand that had been perched on your back sliding over your hip before finding your hand. he laced his fingers into yours, and you were shocked at how forward he was being. the two of you had flirted heavily- and okay, maybe you’d sent some suggestive pictures back and forth- but ethan seemed to be claiming you as he led you over to the round table where all his friends were sat. again, you carved half-moons into your palms with your nails as you added up all the chairs- there wasn’t enough. you began to let go of ethan’s hand, ready to boost yourself onto the railing, but he gave your fingers a gentle squeeze. you watched as ethan settled into the overstuffed outdoor chair, gesturing at his lap.

fuck.

you took a brief moment to admire the mess you’d gotten yourself into before you gingerly sat on ethan’s lap, trying to make yourself as small and weightless as humanly possible. that didn’t last long, though. ethan circled an arm over your hips, pulling you onto his lap firmly. you couldn’t breathe as you settled into him, crossing your legs tightly. your lower body was tucked away, hidden under the table, but still. you tucked a small portion of fabric between your thighs, ensuring nothing would slip. 

you didn’t say much as ethan continued to conversate with his friends, passing the silvery, skinny device around the table. 

soon, the talk turned from school and classes to typical, stuttering stoner laughing; everyone besides ethan and danny seemed to be a complete lightweight, gone after one hit of the cartridge. however, both the boys were on at least their fourth hit and still seemed relatively composed. they’d started to talk about some sort of economic study, and you’d quickly grown bored and confused. after sitting through 10 more minutes of the terminology you didn't understand, you began to wiggle around on ethan’s lap, loosening his grip on you. 

at the same moment, you and ethan both shifted in just the right way, causing one of his legs to end up between both of yours just as your hips rolled forward. delicious friction flooded your system, and you bit down hard on your lower lip, trying to stifle a moan. you fought with everything in you not to rock your body again, sensation overwhelming your impulse control. before you could do anything, one of ethan’s large hands found your hips, squeezing just enough to leave fingerprint-shaped marks on your skin. ethan knew what he’d done- you could hear the satisfaction threaded through his voice.

“you okay? what d’you need?”

you tried to steady your voice, painfully conscious of the people around you. while most of ethan’s friends were high enough that they wouldn’t notice, you knew that danny would pick up on any changes in your demeanor. you swallowed hard before answering him.

“i'm gonna go get another drink.” another gentle squeeze practically lit your skin on fire, and ethan held the pen up to you. 

“wanna try this instead?”

you weren’t going to lie- you’d been a bit jealous of the boys, not even thinking of passing the device to you. with shaky hands, you reached to accept the cartridge, but ethan had different plans. a sinful look found its way into his slitted eyes as ethan held the pen up to your lips. “go ahead.”

you could’ve passed out from the command, the look, the way that he’d started to bounce his leg. it was as if he was trying to break you- like he wanted you to give him some sort of sign that you wanted him. you did, more than anything. desire seemed to curl its way into every inch, every cell of your body, its spurs digging into your skin. 

you met ethan’s eyes deliberately as you accepted the cold metal into your mouth, inhaling deeply. you took immense pleasure in the look that crossed ethans face as you pulled away with lungs full of the hazy drug. you held your breath for as long as possible before letting the vapor drift from your lips, just as ethan and done earlier. you watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his eyes snapping off of yours and over to danny.

“i’m gonna take y/n to get a drink. watch them, will you?” he asked, gesturing to the rest of his friends. danny just nodded, mumbling a low ‘have fun’ as ethan practically lifted you off of his lap. adrenaline coursed through each and every one of your veins and ethan laced his fingers through yours, leading you inside. 

ethan barely let the door shut before his hands were on your hips, pinning you to the wall of the small stairwell. his lips met yours roughly, and you couldn’t hold back the whimper that had been building in your throat for the past hour. you felt ethan smirk at the soft noise before he bit at your lower lip, dragging the soft flesh between his teeth. again, you let out a whine full of pleasure- he just felt so good. you let your arms circle ethans neck, one of your hands knotting in his dark hair. you pulled at the roots gently as ethan’s tongue rolled against yours, your body entirely succumbing to him.

he forced himself to pull off of your body, and you let out a small whine; you’d been waiting on this. ethan smirked, his laugh coming out dark and much raspier than usual. “don’t worry doll, i'm not done with you yet. just can't have you here.”

the words went right through you, only adding to the ache between your thighs. ethan took your hand with a profound gentleness, and dropped a soft kiss on your forehead. “before this even starts, are you sure?” 

you nodded eagerly, getting up on your tiptoes to recapture his lips, but ethan pulled back. you furrowed your eyebrows at the tall boy, confused- until he brought a hand up to your face, holding your jaw. ethan tilted your head up, forcing you to meet his eyes. “i need words, baby. are you positive? i can-”

“so sure. i promise.” you nodded at him, your eyes never leaving his. “i want you.”

ethan swore under his breath and kissed you hard before leading you up the stairs. you started to feel the effects of the drug as ethan took you from kitchen to living room, up some stairs… you lost track of all the places you’d been, allowing the weed to cloud everything in a gauzy veil. you felt good; light and somehow heavy at the same time, and you enjoyed the way that everything seemed to slow down. finally, ethan opened a door and pulled you in behind him. you realised where you were- his room. it smelled like ethan, like citrus and musk and something you could only describe as boy. 

you let out a small giggle as ethan reached for a remote, colored lights dousing the room in a sultry red glow. “setting the mood?”

quickly, you were shut up in the best possible way. ethan kissed your roughly, all teeth and tongue and hands everywhere as he backed you against one of his walls. you let yourself get lost in him, basking in the warmth of your hunger for him. one of ethan’s cold hands made its way under your shirt, the other holding your jaw in place as he bit into your bottom lip once again, making you whine. 

“feel good?” ethan asked, breathlessly. you could hear the smirk in his voice, but you couldn’t help the way your back arched at the simple question. your nails dug into his shoulder as ethan slid his thumb under the band of your bra, and he let out a rough moan, managing to undo the clasp with one hand. ethan pulled away from you long enough to rid you of your shirt, discarding your bra on the floor as well while you practically ripped his hoodie off, desperate to feel his skin against your own. he clearly wanted the same, judging by the way he wrapped an arm around your back, pulling you flesh against his chest. 

ethan managed to capture both of your wrists in one of his hands, pinning them above your head. you were unfamiliar with the feeling of being restrained, but the sensation seemed to send your heart thrumming even faster. he kissed you until your lips were sore and your knees were weak before finally dropping his forehead to yours. ethan took his chance, letting his eyes roam all over you and you watched his pupils grow larger until his eyes were practically black. “jesus fuck, y/n. you’re beautiful.”

your voice came out high and breathy as you responded. “ ‘could say the same about you.” you were practically panting, your body no longer responding to your mind as your back arched. ethan let out a hard breath. 

“do you know what you do to me?”

your eyes fluttered shut as ethan’s lips met the sensitive skin of your neck, his tongue exploring the delicate flesh. he quickly found your weak spot and focused his attention there; he let his teeth gently sink into your skin, making you gasp before using his soft tongue to soothe the spot. he repeated this process all over your neck, sucking on your flesh when he found a sweet spot. you knew that you’d be covered in purple-blue bruises, but you’d wear them proudly- that was ethan’s motivation for marking you up.

ethan trailed soft, wet kisses all the way down your neck to your collarbones, groaning at the way you pushed your chest toward him. he hesitated, but started kissing back up your neck, your jaw, back up to your lips. he released his grip on your wrist and you quickly cupped his face in your hands, kissing him with everything in you. you wanted the boy to feel the way you wanted him, and you knew he could as his lips seemed to slow, the kisses getting deeper and deeper. you lost yourself completely in ethan, unsure of where he started and you ended. you could feel his heartbeat against your own, the two thumping rapidly, almost erratic.

the two of you stayed pressed up against each other, your back firmly against the wall for a while, until ethan finally pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “bed?”

you nodded eagerly, wanting the boy all over you. the two of you stumbled, half kissing over to the mattress, falling together. ethan quickly situated himself on top of your body, caging you in between his arms. he began kissing down your body at a torturously slow pace, tracing the dark marks he’d already left with his soft tongue, driving you insane. ethan took his time working down to your breasts, finally taking one of your sensitive nubs into his mouth. you let out an almost guttural moan at the sensation, pleasure overwhelming your senses. ethan hummed at your reaction, only intensifying the feeling. you tangled a hand in his hair, the other digging into his back, leaving long, red scratches on his pale skin. 

ethan swirled his tongue around your bud, taking extreme pride in the way you let your head fall back against the mattress, moans of his name spilling from your lips. he tucked an arm under the arch of your back, pulling your body even closer to him- he didn’t want any space dividing the two of you. ethan pulled off of your puffy nipple with a soft moan, wasting no time in kissing over your chest, pulling the other into his mouth. he covered your chest in dark, deep bruises, admiring his work under the sensual glow of the red lights. “so pretty..”

you couldn’t form full sentences to respond with, just broken moans and pleads and tugs on his hair. ethan found it endearing, the way you wanted him so badly. he couldn’t help but give you what you needed.

he kisses hastily down your body leaving small lovebites here and there on your ribs, your stomach. ethan hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your skirt and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin right above the fabric. “this okay?”

“yes, i- please,” you pleaded, lifting your hips to make it easier. ethan got rid of the piece of clothing, discarding it on his bedroom floor, quickly followed by your panties. he let out a throaty moan, his eyes working over you lazily, like he had all the time in the world. he admired your body until you wriggled underneath him, needing some sort of stimulation. 

“what do you want, baby?”

“you,” you whined, desperation weaving through your voice. ethan pressed gentle, warm kisses on your hip bones, fighting a laugh. 

“i know that. what specifically?”

“fuck, ethan. anything, just touch me. please.”

“okay, okay. and you're positive this is alright?”

“yes. i’m so sure. i swe-” your words died in the back of your throat as ethan pressed his thumb to your clit, rubbing small, soft circles. “holy fuck.”

“already so worked up,” ethan mumbled, pressing kisses to your inner thighs. “this because of me?”

you were taken aback by the way your high seemed to multiply the pleasure by tens of thousands- ethan was barely touching you and you could feel your high approaching quickly. you couldn’t find the words to answer him as ethan shifted between your legs, giving himself a better view of your sex. “does that feel okay?”

a stream of swears left your lips as ethan quickened his pace, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. “so fucking good, just like that.” the knots in your stomach continued to tighten as you balled the sheets in your fist, tugging at his hair with the other hand.

ethan pressed a kiss dangerously low on your hip, looking up at you. “can i?”

your hips bucked at the tone of his voice, and you nodded vigorously. ethan kept his eyes on yours as he ran his tongue through your folds, lapping your arousal up. he couldn’t help but groan at the taste of you, the way you pulled at his hair, putting his mouth where you wanted it before letting your head fall back onto his bed. ethan started to suck at your sensitive bud, rolling his tongue over the bundle of nerves and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

“i- fuck- i’m close.”

he hummed, the vibrations sending you over the edge. your eyes rolled back into your head while you tugged at his hair, your orgasm completely undoing you- the high only added to the sensation, making it that much better. your hips bucked under the skillful work of his soft tongue as ethan let you ride out your high on his face. 

ethan dropped a gentle kiss on your clit before peppering your entire body with them, giggling at the way you squealed. he finally attached his lips to your neck, your jaw, back to your lips. you kissed him hard, tasting yourself off of him. finally, when your exhaustion won out you pulled away, running your hands through ethan’s fluffy hair. 

“how was that?”

you propped yourself up on your elbows, pecking ethan’s lips. “so, so good,” you mewled between heavy breaths. ethan bit down on his lower lip and smiled, pride filling his system. 

“god, you look good moaning my name. you're beautiful, you know,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. ethan looked at you with a tenderness in his eyes, placing another kiss on your lips. “think you can go again?”

ethan started trailing down your body again, not waiting for an answer. he was laser focused on pleasuring you, making you whine and whimper for him- only for him. before he could get far, though, you were grabbing at his arm and shaking your head. he flushed, peeling away from you while starting to profusely apologize, but you pressed a finger to his lips. 

“want you. inside of me,” you explained between pants, still exhausted from the first round of stimulation. ethan threw his head back, swearing. 

“jesus christ, y/n. need me that bad, baby?”

his choice of words drowned you in desire, and you were all his. “yes. please, ethan?”

he wanted to fuck you until all you could do was moan his name just like that, over and over again. before you could process what was happening ethan had his hands all over you, roaming your body as he practically drooled at the sight before him: your already fucked out body, the sweet look painting your face, begging for him. ethan could barely control himself, his words coming out as rough murmurs.

“protection? i mean, i have it.”

you bit at your lip, hard. you were on birth control, and you wanted him- all of him.

shaking your head, you explained. “birth control. we’ll be fine, if you’re comfortable.”

you jumped as ethan moved a finger to your entrance, dipping into your sex. he groaned at the way you clenched around the appendage, his cock jumping in his boxers. “want my cum inside you?”

“yes- fuck, ethan, please,” you begged, reduced to nothing. all you wanted; all you needed was him inside you, ruining your body until you couldn’t take anymore pleasure. 

“so tight,” he mumbled, lining another finger up. you bucked your hips, the sensitivity almost too much as he stretched you out, watching the way your face contorted under his influence. ethan placed a large hand low on your abdomen, applying light pressure. “if you can’t take this, you won’t be able to take me.”

you nodded, pace almost desperate for him to continue. “feels good baby. so good.”

you took note of the pleased expression that stretched over ethan’s face as you praised the boy- you were just telling the truth, but clearly he liked to hear what a good job he was doing. ethan brought his thumb up to your clit, rubbing tight circles on the bundle of nerves and you grabbed at his wrist, nails digging into skin. 

“gonna make me cum again,” you warned, but ethan only smiled at you, nodding almost condescendingly.

“wanna finish on my fingers, pretty girl?”

you wanted to say no, wait to come undone around him, but his movements felt too good. you dug your nails into his arm even harder, your other hand clawing into ethan’s soft sheets as the knots in your stomach came undone, your walls contracting around his fingers tight enough to make him moan. 

ethan let his pace slow, extending your orgasm as you practically rode his hand, crying out in absolute euphoria as he increased pressure on your clit.  unable to form words, you released your grasp on the boy’s arm, bringing your hand up to his face instead. you pulled ethan’s lips down to meet yours, whining at the feeling of his clothed cock grinding against your center.

ethan couldn’t take it anymore, quickly ridding himself of the soft sweatpants. you watched as his manhood sprung up, hitting his abdomen; the sight in and of itself enough to make you let out another bliss-filled noise. ethan let his eyes fall to yours as he stroked himself, shuddering at the heavenly friction. again, his voice came out low as he lined himself up with you.

“sure?”

far beyond words, you nodded and laced your fingers through his. 

ethan returned your grasp with a sweet squeeze, gliding the tip of his cock through your folds- coating himself in your arousal. the two of you moaned in sync; a sweet, satisfied sort of harmony. finally, ethan pushed into you slowly, gasping at the feeling. you couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled back into your head, the feeling of him inside you almost too much. 

“you okay?”

“so good,” you breathed, trying not to yelp at the feeling spreading through your lower body. ethan was well endowed- the biggest you’d ever taken- and it was an addictive sort of pain. he moved slowly, stopping a few times; allowing you to adjust around his length. when he’d bottomed out, ethan let his head fall back, groans escaping his throat.

“so fucking tiny,” he gasped, a groan cutting his statement off. “feel so good around me, gorgeous.”

you nodded at him, trying your best to meet ethan’s eyes as you praised the boy. “so fucking big- you feel so good,” you whined, your hips bucking. “want you so bad.”

a breathless laugh escaped ethan’s lungs as he maneuvered a hand behind one of your thighs, lifting your leg to hook over his shoulder. he pushed even deeper into you and black spots began to crowd the sides of your vision, the pleasure overwhelming. slowly, ethan started to pull out of you, eliciting filthy words and moans from you before he slid his length back in. 

“fucking hell, y/n. so tight,” he said, voice tipping up into a whimper at the end. he quickened his pace, the noise of sleeping skin filling the room. you could barely contain yourself, no longer fighting the stream of murmurs and swears leaving your lips as ethan continued to pump in and out of you. your next orgasm was already building, the coils tightening rapidly in your lower belly.

ethan let his hand wander down to your sensitive bud, almost coming undone at the sight of your eyes fluttering shut. you traced up his forearm, scraping at his sweet skin before knotting your fingers in his hair, tugging at the roots. 

“eyes open, baby. look at me.”

you could’ve cum then and there, the instructions only turning you on further. you forced your eyes open, meeting his as ethan sped up again. an almost animalistic noise left your throat as ethan thrusted into you roughly- you weren’t going to be able to hang on much longer. ethan felt the way your walls were clenching around him, fluttering and tightening as he increased his speed on your clit.

“close?” he asked, unable to say much more than that. your grip around him was euphoric- he was closer than he’d like to be. it hadn’t been more than 20 minutes, but with the way you were pulling at his head, almost crying in completely bliss, ethan wanted to fill you to the brim with his cum then fuck it into your sensitive pussy, overstimulating the sweet flesh.

you nodded, humming a small “mhm,” as you looked at him with wide eyes. ethan paused for a moment, shifting your leg up even higher onto his shoulder before plunging back into you. you felt the head of his cock hit a new, even more delicious spot and you became almost delirious. looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, you felt a tear crawl down your cheek.

“gonna cum, ethan-”

“fuck- me too. let go, baby.”

your entire body seemed to shake and shudder under the force of your orgasm- it hit you like a fucking train. you felt ethan’s thrusts get sloppier as he buried himself inside you, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. he whimpered as he shot his cum deep into your pussy, the sensation all consuming. the two of you stayed like that for a while- riding out your highs with each other, rough moans turned to honey-sweet mewls. 

as your heart rate started to come down, you peppered the boy's face with soft, careless kisses: ones that he gladly returned. ethan finally found your lips, pressing tender, long kisses to the swollen skin. 

“you’re a fucking god,” you murmured, stressing the word as ethan’s face flushed even hotter than it already had been.

“that,” he huffed, breathing still hard and uneven, “would be you.”

you giggled at the statement, your voice hitching as ethan slowly pulled out of you. you could feel a mixture of him and you spill out, the substance flowing over your things as ethan kissed down your body, taking in the sight between your legs. 

“so pretty, baby,” he whispered, sinking a long finger into your pussy. your whole body spasmed at the feeling, completely overstimulated. ethan pulled out of you softly, watching the way his cum seemed to spill out of you endlessly. he placed small, delicate kisses to the marks he’d left covering your thighs, admiring his work. “can i keep you here for the night?” he asked, eyes turning affectionate.

you nodded at the boy as he came back up to meet your lips, then your forehead. as you settled onto his chest, drawing lazy patterns on his skin, ethan's voice seemed to return to normal.

“such a good girl.”

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove

[alinastracker]

I MADE SOME BREAKFAST IF YOURE HUNGRY for my beloveds pls if u so wish

ANYTHING FOR U MY LOVE

Better Late Than Never

Mal had been half-watching a replay of the England-Scotland game, half falling asleep the previous night when his phone sent him jolting awake.

Beep-beep, is that my bestie in a Tessie? Fresh blow out, skin on tan, ooh, she ready Bitch, you look goodt, with a T at the end I'ma hype her every time, that my motherfuckin' friend

He knew from the ringtone alone who was calling, so where normally he might pause before taking a call — he'd go mental talking to one more damn scammer — Mal answered instantly, fumbling to bring the phone up to his ear.

"'Ello," he answered, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He quickly checked the time on his phone and frowned. 12:30 AM. His roommate slash best friend slash unrequited love of his life never called this late. She was either already home, sitting beside him on the couch watching a bad movie, or settled in her destination for the night. Genya's. Inej's. That asshole she'd been hooking up with.

"Mal?" Alina said, her voice shaky. It sounded like she was crying.

He was up in an instance, already moving to the door, stuffing his feet into slides and grabbing his keys, any thought of sleep long forgotten.

"Send me your location."

By the time she did, he was already in the car, flooring it out of the building's parking garage. Alina was sniffling, trying to hide just how upset she was. But he knew, he always knew.

"Did he hurt you, 'Lina?"

"Mal—"

"I swear, I'll kick his ass. I can call Nikolai for backup, but I'm sure I can take him on my own."

"Can you stop being a stereotypical man for five seconds, please."

He sighed. "Right, 'course. Sorry." Mal glanced at the GPS on his phone. Thank the saints she was close. "I'm five minutes away. Do you want me to stay on with you?"

"No," Alina said, followed by another sniffle that only made him drive faster. "Just hurry. And can we get chips?"

Twenty minutes later, they were back at the flat, Alina with a McDonald's bag and chocolate milkshake in her hands. Her makeup was smeared all over her face, a mess of black smudges. How dare her, he thought, still look so fucking beautiful.

Mal had tried asking her what happened, but she'd only shaken her head.

"I don't want to talk about it," she had said, her voice so delicate that he nearly turned the car around and let toxic masculinity win this round.

Instead he took her to get her food, then drove them home. Let her lock herself in her room, and by the sounds of it, cry some more.

It was morning now and Mal was standing in nothing but his old plaid jim-jams, fixing up breakfast for the two of them. Crepes, because he knew she loved her sweets, and hash browns, just in case she still had a hankering for potatoes. He got out their old wooden serving tray they only ever used when one of them — or more often, both of them — were sick and wanted soup in bed. Mal stacked up the crepes, piled on the hash browns, bringing all the sugary syrup and wicked hot sauce she liked for the respective items, and knocked on her bedroom door.

Alina appeared a few moments later. She was still wearing last night's clothes, her hair up in a clip yet still all over the place, some of the makeup still holding out on her face. She looked tired, and he wondered how much she had actually slept.

"What's this?" she asked, the hint of a smile on her face.

Mal shrugged. "Err, I made some breakfast, if you're hungry?"

"Crepes and hash?"

He nodded.

She smiled a real smile then — the smile he liked to think she saved for him alone, but he knew better. Alina motioned for him to follow her in, and they settled on her bed together.

"This is all for me?" she asked, holding up the single fork he'd brought along. When he nodded, she laughed. "Mal, this is enough food for an army. Go get a fork, you dork." She backed up the statement by poking his side, and Mal blushed.

A moment later, he was back with a fork, and for a while, the two of them ate in silence.

When they had reached the point of only picking at the remaining food, he asked, "Do you want to talk about last night?"

Alina sighed. "I do suppose I owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything," Mal said. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

She looked down, fiddling with the end of her dress. The fabric had started to bunch up, exposing so much of her thigh and — no, nope, this is not the moment, Malyen.

Blowing out a breath, she said, "I went there for a hook up. You probably guessed that. But, I don't know. When it came to actually . . . hooking up, something in me just didn't want it." She was still looking anywhere but his face. "And I told him that, and he stopped. He didn't try — it wasn't like that. But he got really, really angry. Said I had no right coming over and drinking his alcohol and dressing the way I did just to hold out. And then I started crying and he got even angrier."

Mal couldn't help it. He pushed the breakfast tray away and wrapped his arms around her. Alina relaxed against him, tucking her head under his chin. She always had been tiny like that.

"I was just really scared. So I ran out and I called you. That's it, that's all that happened. It was my fault—"

"Don't you dare," he whispered into her hair. "It's not remotely your fault, Alina. I don't care what you drank or how you dressed. You should know that more than anyone, miss self proclaimed raging feminist."

Alina laughed, and it was better than any song he'd ever heard. Just hearing her laugh after last night, after hearing how upset she had been. He hadn't really relaxed, he realized, until that exact moment, with her safe and laughing in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Mal," she said softly, taking him by surprise.

"Sorry for what?"

"For doing this to you, every time. Any mess that I get myself into, I always call you, and you're always there. Every time."

"Of course, 'Lina. You don't have to apologize." Mal swallowed the lump in his throat and hoped she hadn't noticed. "That's what best mates do, huh?"

"Right," she muttered. "Best mates."

"You don't sound very pleased with that," he teased, disguising the sting in his chest.

The room was dark for a Sunday morning, storm clouds ruining any chance for sunlight. But he could still see the look on Alina's face as she pulled back, the same look she got when she was doing something new, whether it be riding his skateboard for the first time or asking out a stranger, nervous but determined.

"You're right," she said, softly, firmly. "I'm not pleased with that."

Time was moving too fast. In a blink, Alina was closer than ever, pressing her lips to his. And like an idiot, he froze.

She pulled back when he failed to respond, disappointed but not defeated. "Sorry," she said. "There's a reason none of my hook ups have been working lately, and I just had to try."

Mal shook his head, trying and failing to form words. So he forced time to slow and kissed her instead. Softly, firmly. An exploration he had imagined so many times, and none of them held a light to the real thing.

Alina curled her arms around his neck, pressing herself closer. She was so soft, from her lips to where his hand rested on the small of her back. When she ran her tongue along his lower lip, Mal opened for her, and they moaned into each other. She tasted sweet from the syrup with the occasional lick of heat from the hot sauce. Though there was plenty of the latter between them already.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment when they finally pulled away, sucking air into their lungs. But their eyes were locked, and after all these years, they never needed words.

Alina was on him again in moments, their kiss no longer soft and sweet, but hard and desperate. Mal bit down on her lower lip, she felt her way across his bare chest, left scratches down his back when he started kissing her neck.

He's not sure which one of them kicks the breakfast tray off the bed. Maybe they both had a role. But at the sound of crashing dishes, they broke apart once more.

"Oops," Alina mumbled.

"Shit," Mal breathed. "We should probably clean that."

"Yeah, 'suppose. Ants or whatever."

A moment of silence stretched between them as neither made a move toward the mess on the floor.

"I mean, the ants won't move too fast," Mal reasoned.

"Not at all. We're on the third floor, anyway."

One look, and Mal reached for her again. Alina giggled as his mouth found her neck once more, her hand taking hold in his hair, directing him. Meanwhile, he was positive he currently had the most throbbing erection of his life. As if sensing this, Alina rolled her hips against his, and when she gasped, he knew she had felt it.

"'Lina—"

"Saints, Mal. You're . . . wow."

He was blushing again. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why the hell are you sorry?"

"Because you were just talking about that twat pressuring you for sex! Not exactly time for the erection from hell!"

Alina laughed. "Mal, I didn't want fuck him. But I've wanted to fuck you for five years."

"Well now you tell me."

They both laughed then, and Alina pulled him into another kiss.

"Better late than never?"

Mal groaned as she rolled her hips again. "Definitely."

That morning, after living in their flat for three years, Mal and Alina got their first noise complaint.

Two Months Later

Mal was half-asleep, half-watching some shitty horror movie on a lazy Sunday afternoon, when the sound of his phone had him jolting awake.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home You're my, my, my, my Lover

He didn't have to check before answering. Mal knew exactly who was calling.

[bellamyblakru]

HEYYYYYYY i’m so excited to respond to ur ask it made me so happy to see u in my notifs and i’m so excited for u for ur milestone! anyways i kinda want all of them but i decided to cut down to 🥺 :)))) 👀 pls rant i will read it all and ☕️ for morgwen andddd manon from the tog books. <3 <3 :*

HEY AMY!!! i hope you had a lovely day today🥺thank you for the ask💞

🥺- for my mutuals, ill talk about why i follow you and why everyone should be as well

omg im pretty sure i met and started following you like the day of that bellamy scene™️ because i remember thinking how fucking horrendous that episode ended, and, at the same time, how amazing that night on tumblr was aksnakaaj. so that night, tumblr was a fucking disaster and chaotic and funny asf. i remember texting @tkstrrand the entire ep (bc she couldn’t watch it for some reason) like how boring it was/how she wasn’t missing much blahblah and then when the death scene happened at the last fucking second, i sent her about a thousand separate incoherent texts in the span of like two minutes LOL tumblr was in shambles and i made a few posts about how fucking dumb the show was—one post i made i told my few new followers to fuck the 100 and just watch merlin and you texted me about it!! we have literally so much in common (with merlin, atla, the 100, tog!!!) that when you texted me about how you felt about that scene compared to merlin’s ending, my thought was like “this blog is so kind and we feel the same way and i need to follow asap.”

you are literally so sweet and lovely to talk to🥺that night™️ may had been disastrous, but i can look on it with a lighter heart because we met because of it!! every time we talk i always smile so much (and dw, i know i still have to get clone wars for our boy anakin👀👀)

dude, everyone should be following you because your blog is incredible, your tags are superb, and you are literally one of the sweetest people i’ve met on here😭💞 i adore you.

👀 - and ill tell you a parallel from merlin or the 100 that still fucks me up

this post for merthur still FUCKS ME UP by @camelotsheart

THE EYES. THE GIFSET’S BEAUTIFUL COLORING. THE EYES. EYES. I CANT. THIS GIFSET HAUNTS ME. parallels, man, i fucking love them.

☕️ + send me a ship/character/movie/book and ill give you my opinions on it

my opinions on morgwen:

I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I SHIP IT WITH MY WHOLE ASS SOUL. dude, their potential as a ship is incredible😭i fucking love them together. i wrote them as a side pairing in my first multi-chapter merthur fic and i adored writing their interactions and dynamic sm. if morgana was going to be with anyone, my first choice will always be gwen. i also read them as a pairing in fics all the time because the pure power-couple potential is insane.

hot ☕️ here™️: i think if someone was to bring morgana back from the brink of hatred, it should have been gwen (not merlin). so, like, i could definitely see merlin telling her about his magic and whatnot and maybe that would have stopped her from going dark side...but...i didn’t think merlin should have (ekk probably an unpopular opinion).

see, i love merlin with my entire heart..and tbh telling uther fucking pendragon’s ward that he had magic was just too much of a gamble—especially with arthur’s life on the line, which literally became merlin’s sole purpose in life (another matter for a different essay™️). i understand his need to keep it a secret from her even more when the large reptile repeatedly got into merlin’s head that she was bad news from the jump (also another matter for a different essay™️).

SO. that leaves two options for our miserable magical gal: arthur or gwen. now, i honestly believe arthur wouldn’t have hurt her if he was told. and i even think he may have became more sympathetic to the magical community because of it—especially when he saved mordred wayyyy early on that cemented the fact that arthur was not uther. but i can also understand why morgana wouldn’t tell arthur, and it’s pretty much the same reason merlin didn’t tell her about his magic: the risk was too big and she didn’t want to gamble her life with an unknown reaction.

now we get to the main point: gwen would have been the best option for her. whether it is platonic or not, gwen was always there for morgana. gwen is such a kind, loving soul, and she deeply respected and adored morgana—you can tell by the way she smiled around her in the beginning seasons, how she would get her flowers, how she would worry about morgana’s wellbeing. even though gwen was morgana’s servant, she cared for her in more ways than were required and it showed. they were best friends. the entire incident with gwen’s father, which was horrendous, might be the reason gwen would be rightfully upset about the subject of magic; however. she knew her father wasn’t magical, she knew uther was a tyrant, and she knew morgana’s heart. someone is gonna tell me that if morgana had explained to gwen what happened, how her magic was innate, how morgana would never fucking choose to have magic anywhere near her shithead guardian (who probably would have killed her imo if he knew bc you know the whole “fire will purify” bullshit), that gwen would hate her??? I MEAN LITERALLY WATCH THE LAST EPISODES AGAIN. when QUEEN GWEN realizes that the whole time it was merlin saving everyone’s asses, and she connected all the dots, her face showed nothing but pure understanding and acceptance.

gwen was such an underused character. her fucking potential arcs could have been phenomenal (again, LOL, another matter for a different essay™️), and the way canon made morgana use gwen was fucking gross and im not a fan🙃 but fuck canon. i ship them and i love them to pieces ✌🏻thank you for coming to my talk✌🏻

my opinions on manon mf blackbeak:

oh boy, where do i start? i would die for her...is that too extreme for the starting place? i fucking LOVE manon blackbeak dude. oh my god, so, remember when her and aelin fought for the first time in QoS? i remember jumping up from my lounging position with my hand over my smiling mouth because i love both of these badass hardcore women with everything i am. i mean, aelin owns my ass (she is probably my favorite character of all time rn) but manon hits differently. her storyline at the beginning was so bleh, but, man, did it escalate fast to “holy shit” to “i fucking love her” to “oh fuck im sobbing.”

the only thing i will complain about with her character in canon was the fact that my girl was straight???? excuse me?? she has been alive for fucking forever and she is straight? no. i cant accept that. tbh i ship manon and elide🥺 (i also ship dorain and chaol oops). but her character development was everything and i cant think too long on what happens because i will start crying tbh sksjsmakks

okay wow im so sorry for, uh, spilling every thought i had into this. it legit took me like a day to respond 😔

i appreciate you so much. thank you🥺💞

[irwintry]

11 Reasons Not to Fall in Love

Warnings: swearing, mention of alcohol

Summary: Ashton is in love, and Y/N might be, too. There are a million reasons not to fall in love–– here are eleven.

Word Count: 6.7k

ONE: YOU MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW IT

Ashton sprinted down the terminal.

His suitcase rattled behind him, the wheels sputtering as they hit the cracks in dirty tiles. And his shoulders ached from the weight of his bag carving into already-sore muscles. A pair of headphones had fallen from his pocket down near gate A3, but he hadn’t bothered to retrieve them. Not when his connecting flight had less than ten minutes until departure. Ashton couldn’t waste another minute apologizing to strangers for slamming into them during a moment of distraction.

Sweat accumulated under his arms and along his hairline. Long corridors awaited him, meanwhile, his lungs strained within his ribcage as he rounded corner after corner. He hadn’t remembered the airport being this large. Perhaps he had slipped into a Twilight Zone nightmare where every doorway led him to where he had once been. Time ticked away, and Ashton was too frantic to check the clock on his phone.

“Final boarding call for American Eagle flight 1683 for Los Angeles. Please make your way to gate D26. That is D for Delta. Again, this is a final boarding call for American Eagle flight 1683 for Los Angeles, located at gate D26. Thank you.”

“Shit,” Ashton spat, his knuckles curling in a firm grip around his duffle. The same duffle his mum gifted him nearly six years ago, yet it still worked like a charm. The duct tape held up well.

His feet skidded against the rug leading into gate D26. He opted out of the dramatics, slowing down his pace and walking calmly around the rows of seating before addressing the gate agents with a smile. They saw plenty of passengers like him–– late, damp, and a bit smelly as well. But that didn’t erase the scowls from their features. He sped down the jet bridge, dropped off his carry-on at the end, and boarded the plane with two minutes to spare.

“Hey, hi, sorry,” he mumbled to the flight attendants, but his breathy words hardly translated through his large gasps for air. It didn’t take him long to find his seat in first class. The large cushions enveloped him like an old friend. He sat back after placing his bag underneath the seat before him, and his eyes fell shut as a sigh left his lips.

Ashton’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

snail butt:

text me when u land!!!!!!

His cheeks burned. A smile stretched slowly on his cheeks, the kind of smile that wrote novels and lit up silver screens. It was a smile that could not be hidden no matter how hard he tried. Ashton’s stomach had been stuck with thousands of pins. And all it had taken was a single text from you.

“Only a fool who’s in love smiles like that.”

Ashton turned to face the person behind the voice, his eyes wide and watery as he shut off his phone. “Excuse me?”

The older man beside him chuckled. “I know a smile like that anywhere.”

“In love?” Ashton repeated, soon falling into laughter himself. “No, no, I’m not––”

The man winked and glanced away, but Ashton chose not to harp on a nonsensical conversation. Instead, he stared at the seat before him, mouth slightly ajar as he registered the older man’s words. Ashton had never been in love, at least he believed it to be so. He had no knowledge of the feeling. So, he rejected what he heard.

He spent the next few hours with his gaze locked on the clouds, wondering if what he felt for you was, perhaps, something a little like love.

TWO: IT’S ONE-SIDE

The lights had flushed out his skin. Every inch of it was warm and wet to the touch, a sensation he knew well but hadn’t quite gotten used to. Even after thousands of shows–– thousands of performances that kicked his adrenaline to new heights only to have it plummet by the time he made it to the showers. Ashton stood against the tiled walls and let the water pelt against his skin. The pressure was never how he liked it. And the water was never hot enough.

He liked to call you after shows. He liked to hear about your day. You told him about the customers that pissed you off and the ones that sweetly tipped you a little too much. You told him that Oatmeal had taken a poo in your bathtub again, and he’d laugh at the thought. He’d think about the faces you’d make, because while you’d be upset one moment, your anger never lasted long. You could never stay mad at your cat.

Ashton had yet to call you tonight. He sat on the bathroom floor instead, fingernails picking at scabs on his palms while the sounds of J. Tillman’s Cancer and Delirium echoed around the room. He didn’t have the option to sit much longer; they had to pack up and drive off to a new town overnight. He always thought about the what-ifs. What if he walked out right then and there? What if he left without saying goodbye? What if he hopped aboard a plane and moved to the other side of the world? What if he cut off all contact with everyone he knew? And, what if that included you?

The thing that scared him the most was the possibility of it all. He could do whatever he wanted. It was his life, his body, his mind–– he had the ability to walk away whenever he so pleased.

He had the ability to forget about you.

Ashton stared at your contact on his phone. A picture from your New Year’s Eve party faced him, your goofy, smiling face staring up at him, happiness permanently immortalized within a small circle. And he wasn’t sure what your contact name meant anymore–– it had been an inside joke from years before, but time stole the memory.

He could delete your number if he wanted. He could rid himself of the pain of loving you by losing you. He could end everything now.

Ashton called you instead.

“You’re eating away at my cellular data,” you said right away, and somehow, the sound of your voice always made him feel better. All of his previous thoughts melted away. “How was the show? How are your bloody hands?”

“Beaten t’hell,” he spoke, but his words felt lifeless. Ashton could no longer identify his exhaustion. He felt like a stale being, like the grimy tiles beneath his bum as he counted scratches on the bathroom mirror. “Tell me about your day.”

“Didn’t do much,” you replied. “Oh, but––“

You talked for a half-hour. About the dentist, about your cat, about the food you ate... and he listened with pleasure. He listened because it was the only thing keeping him from walking away. It kept him from wiping the slate clean.

And he wanted to. He didn’t want to love like this. It was one-sided, trivial in every aspect, and you had no idea how much it pained him to even think about you. His urge to leave it all behind grew larger every day.

You didn’t love him. You didn’t see him the way he saw you.

“Hey, bug,” he mumbled. You had been talking about a Tinder date, one that went oh so right, and Ashton gripped his thigh until he drew blood. His eyes screwed shut at the idea of you piled under bedsheets, arms tied around the neck of someone else. “’m gonna have t’let you go.”

“Aw,” you said.

He pictured your pout.

“Well, okay,” you continued. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Ashton forced a smile. He wished you could see the ache behind it. “Of course, doll. Love you.”

“Love you, too!”

J. Tillman’s voice filled the tile room once again. And Ashton sat wishing your words held meaning. He wished he could erase the casual and fill in sentimentality. Because he now knew what love was, and he knew you would never feel the same.

THREE: THEY LOVE SOMEONE ELSE

His kitchen faucet had been dripping for eleven days. The noise faded into the background, its constant drip, drip, drip like an unspoken rhythm to Ashton’s ears. He found himself tapping along and making up songs to the beat of these drips. They weren’t irksome–– not for the first eleven days.

He was lonely on the twelfth day. Beaten hands pushed back dirty and newly dyed dark strands of hair. Ashton hated looking at his appearance in his bathroom mirror. The dark circles were unfriendly, and he hadn’t seen his skin that sickly color before. He was malnourished at his own expense. And he was exhausted.

Tired of spending all of his nights staying up until four because being home felt like a prison. Tired of looking at pictures of you and your boyfriend while Ashton was stuck wallowing with a sore heart. A sore heart that failed to tell you how he felt sooner. Because now he saw your face when you were with him–– with your boyfriend, and you looked so happy. Ashton couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself.

It seemed as though everything was falling apart at once. The faucet, his relationship with you––or lack thereof, and suddenly his dishwasher was overflowing, and every meal he made he was burnt to a crisp. The twelfth day of his faucet leaking was the last straw.

But Ashton didn’t want to call a plumber. He took the matter into his own hands.

An hour later, he had flooded part of the kitchen and dented a pip with his wrench. The activity hadn’t gotten rid of stress or anger, and it certainly hadn’t distracted him from thoughts about you.

He sat back against his fridge, a few stray tears spilling down his cheeks while he avoided the ache in his spine. The leaking had only gotten worse, but Ashton decided he would worry about it on the fourteenth day. He wanted to curl up on his couch and stay there forever. He wanted to rot in his home (was it even his home?) and have everyone forget about him. To have you forget about him. He wanted to forget about you.

snail butt:

hey.

pls answer me

are u ok

Ashton kept the messages open on his phone, but he didn’t respond to them. He wasn’t touched by your concern right now. He felt numb, and he wanted to sink into the tiles and melt in with the puddled water. It wasn’t normal anymore–– to feel this way. He lost himself in the shape of his hands; they no longer looked like his hands. Did he even exist?

snail butt:

ash

can i call

His eyes narrowed. For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to talk to you. You were the last person on the earth he wanted to talk to. All because he did want to tell you everything, but he knew he couldn’t. You had always been a constant in his life, and the reason you no longer were had fallen upon his shoulders. Because he had fallen in love when he never meant to in the first place.

Suddenly, you were calling him, and his fingers stayed still. His thumb didn’t move to answer the call.

This wasn’t who Ashton was. He always answered your call no matter where he was, no matter what time of day. His eyes brimmed with tears, yet they refused to spill. No one said love could be this painful. No one said it would be like this.

You called again, a contact picture of you in minion goggles popping up only to disappear a half minute later. Ashton knew he was worrying you. He felt the fear creeping up into your chest while you tapped “voice call” over and over, meanwhile mumbling a few frustrated words involving insults you never meant. You had sensed his change in behavior long ago. He didn’t blame you for forcing communication like this.

That was why he wanted to pack his things and leave sometimes. It was easier than convincing everyone that he was okay.

Ashton:

Hey sorry I missed your call

Can’t talk right now

Love you

FOUR: EVERYONE KNOWS BUT THEM

A familiar feeling filled Ashton’s stomach. It knotted and twisted, but it never loosened. His grip on his phone tightened with every word he read. Knuckles ached while his fingers dug into the metal siding, and tension soon collected in the hinge of his jaw.

This had been his night so far. Stuck in between tables and chairs in the middle of a bar while you texted him about your boyfriend. But Ashton wasn’t mad because of that. His anger boiled because your boyfriend had mistreated you, and Ashton was hearing every little bit about the story.

He believed that he was seconds away from breaking his phone altogether.

“Ashton.”

His head shot up, small curls falling over his eyes as his jaw clenched. A bunch of worried eyes faced him.

“You okay, mate?” asked Michael. His voice was hushed and full of a certain comfort that his friend needed to hear.

Ashton swallowed, and he could feel all of the individual muscles in his cheeks strain. The gray dots on his phone appeared again–– you had more to say. “’m fine,” he spoke. His eyes said otherwise. They were watery and wide, filled with an easily read emotion, yet he hoped his friends would avoid the conversation.

Luke hummed. “Sure.”

“Is she okay?” Michael set his drink down on the table before them.

The words sunk in Ashton’s chest. He appreciated their concern. He appreciated that they cared about you. But he didn’t want to talk about it–– he never did.

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Convincing.”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” asked Ashton, voice raising in frustration while the sea of eyes blinked back in response. A cold silence met him, but the music in the bar carried on. He sighed. “Sorry. Fuck. Sorry.”

He gripped his forehead and wiped the sweat from his drink onto the table. His fingers trembled as he did so.

“Does she know how you feel?” Michael mumbled.

Ashton raised a brow. “Know how I–– what?” He began to laugh. He felt strange–– like anger was fighting with anxiety, and he knew he could no longer repress his feelings by this point.

“Ash.”

He turned to face Luke.

“It’s obvious,” said the blond. “We’re not stupid. We know you love her. We’ve known for the past like, six months.”

The frustration softened, and soon, Ashton deflated. His shoulders slumped as his frown deepened. “It’s obvious?” he whispered.

“Not that obvious,” Calum intervened. “You jus’–– you get really sad when you get feelings for someone.”

“I’m not––” Ashton straightened his spine. “I’m not sad. We’re fine. She’s fine. We’re both really fine.”

“I’ve never seen you guys this distant before,” Michael said.

“Friends grow apart.”

“Not like this.”

Ashton dug his fingernail into the wooden tabletop.

“Dude,” continued Michael. “You gotta tell her soon. It’s just gonna keep hurting if you don’t. And it’ll keep gettin’ worse and worse.”

“Or maybe it’ll hurt worse if I do tell her,” muttered Ashton.

“So, you do love her?” Luke asked.

Ashton waited a moment to answer. “Yeah.”

Silence washed over the group, and a beat later, Michael asked, “does she love you?”

Ashton stared at a neon sign in the distance. He could hear its buzzing from his seat. It gnawed at his eardrums and wedged itself under his skin. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “She doesn’t.”

FIVE: THEY ARE OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR PAIN

Ashton had been late to his own birthday party. He strolled in after forty minutes, heart heavy while he pushed through sweaty bodies that he hardly recognized. The stairs were his destination, and he could only fake so many smiles. He could only force empty hellos for so long before someone was bound to pull him aside. Their skin burned his.

Because it had been you, and every touch was a pain unlike any other.

“Hey, hey, birthday boy,” you said, grinning from ear to ear. “Miss me?”

Ashton stared at you in awe. Not because you looked stunning, which you did. You always did. But because he hadn’t seen you in four months. He had hardly spoken to you— he felt like he hardly knew you.

“Holy shit,” he muttered as he wracked his brain in search of something to say. Or rather, the right thing to say. Heat trickled up his neck and into his cheeks.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” you asked. The drink in your hand had hardly been touched. Meanwhile, your fingers toyed with the small plastic straw.

Ashton felt his smile grow. His stomach was on fire. “Yes— yeah. Give me a fucking hug.”

Your arms wrapped themselves around his torso, your head burying into his shoulder while he tried to memorize the feeling of you against him. He missed being held by you. It came with a sense of belonging–– like he was always meant to be here.

“Did Michael fly you in?” asked Ashton, and meanwhile, he kept his hands on your upper arms. His gaze on you was intense–– that he knew, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Had you always looked that beautiful?

You shook your head. “Wanted to surprise you myself.” A smile grew on your lips.

Ashton smiled as well, but it ached to falter. He just wanted to be happy around you.

The drinks poured on, night crawling with sweat and glitter and everything Ashton had wanted to avoid. As the hours passed, you stuck to him like glue. And the more alcohol in your system, the more you kept your hands on him. Unsteady fingers scraped down his arms whenever a good song came on through the speaker. You were in constant movement, and all Ashton saw was a gaussian blur of colors and smiles.

He locked himself in the upstairs bathroom.

He sat there for at least an hour, knuckles drumming against polished tile while the bass reverberated through the floor. It had been months since his last interaction with you–– he never knew when he would see you next. And then you were dancing with his friends, mind elsewhere while you tried to forget about the dried tears over your ex-boyfriend. You were swaying and laughing, looking like an angel kissed you just that morning, and he hadn’t been ready for any of it.

In all honesty, Ashton would have preferred not seeing you at all. Your presence taunted him. It reminded him of all of the mistakes he made, and it reminded him that you would never love him the way he loved you.

Before leaving the bathroom, he washed his face. He washed away the past couple of hours in order to prepare for the next few. In order to see you again, he had to forget all of his feelings for the night.

But he couldn’t. He barely took a step downstairs before retreating to his bedroom. It was his own birthday–– he could be miserable if he wanted to be. Did he even want to be?

Ashton changed into a pair of sweatpants and a plain t-shirt. He could still hear the music through the floorboards, but it no longer bothered him. His phone remained silent with no phone calls or texts asking where he was. And then the door opened, and you walked in.

“Uh oh,” you said. “Birthday boy went missing.”

“You found him.”

You smiled softly. “You okay?”

Ashton shrugged. “Tired, s’all.”

You kept your arms crossed as you looked at him. He felt like you were analyzing everything about him. Perhaps you could read minds. Perhaps you already knew how he felt about you.

“Ya wanna sit?” he asked you, motioning to the empty spot next to him on his bed.

Your smile grew. “Duh.” You rushed over, flopped down against the comforter, and nestled into him. He hadn’t expected that last part. “Missed you,” you mumbled against his shirt, and your arm twisted around his. You were warm–– it was a good warmth.

“Missed you, too, bug,” he whispered. He leaned back against the pillows and took your body with him.

You hummed. A comfortable silence settled in, albeit the soft music from down below, and all Ashton could feel was you. He felt your skin, your heartbeat, your smile... He felt the happiness he had been looking for since the night began. This was why he needed you.

You turned to look at him. “Why haven’t we kissed yet?”

Ashton raised an eyebrow at you.

“We’ve been friends for like ten years,” you said. “I’ve even kissed Luke. Why haven’t I kissed you?”

“You kissed Luke?”

You pressed your palm against Ashton’s chest. “Should we kiss?”

“I don’t think––“

“We haven’t even tried it.”

Ashton shrugged. His heart rate had doubled, and the temperature in the room spiked. “Yeah, well...”

“Do you wanna?” you asked.

His limbs felt numb as he sat up. “Maybe now’s not the best time, bug.”

“Oh.”

Ashton wiped his hands against his thighs, and when he looked over at you, a pout had found its way onto your face. The soft light from his bedside lamp reflected in your watery eyes and in the moisture on your lips. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Shit.

“Why do you wanna kiss me so bad?” he mumbled.

You glanced down. “I’ve always wanted t’kiss you,” you said. You looked back up at him, and he saw something in your eyes that he had never seen before.

It gave him hope.

He nodded, swallowing thickly while he fought back conflicting thoughts. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay?”

Ashton nodded once again. “Yeah. We can–– we can try it.” He squeezed his eyes shut, meanwhile wishing he had let the whole thing slide. He wished he could turn back time and never let himself feel like this.

But then you smiled, and he thought that, maybe, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He didn’t get the chance to think about anything else before you pressed your lips to his. It was quick, almost as if it had never happened. You moved away slowly, and he nearly pulled you back.

“Well,” you whispered, chuckling once more. The heat of your breath met his skin. With your arms still around his shoulders, you looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing you had laid eyes upon.

He wanted to believe it.

“Well,” he said in return. A small smile grew on his lips. He hardly remembered the kiss, but he knew he needed more. So, he placed his arms around your waist.

You leaned in again, this time capturing his lips gently between yours, but he held you close.

And then he pulled away. He pulled away because it meant too much to him. He pulled away because it didn’t mean anything to you.

SIX: NO ONE WILL EVER BE THEM

Ashton’s hands were numb.

The sun had only begun to rise. Its golden hue cast long rays through his blinds, the light taking shape and giving the dust a chance to shine. The colors washed against her back, but he wasn’t looking at that. He didn’t want to look at her.

He arose slowly, careful not to wake her before making his way to the bathroom. He kept his shower brief, and soon, the memories of the night prior infiltrated his brain. They had been together for a few weeks now. A few weeks of late-night hook-ups and early morning goodbyes. And last night, he called her by your name. She didn’t even notice.

Ashton wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. It was all numb. He could hardly feel the loofa as it scrubbed against his skin.

The morning was quiet around him. He thought about her while he spread jam on his toast. She was beautiful. She had kind eyes. But Ashton had to quit lying to himself. He never wanted to get used to the scent of her perfume on his sheets. He didn’t want to lose himself in the color of her eyes. He didn’t want to memorize her.

He grabbed his keys and drove off, skimming the coast with his tires as he dreamed of easier days. And then he called you.

“G’mornin’, Mister West Coast,” you said, and the stress of his mind eased with the tone of your voice. “You’re up early.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. The sky was lilac above the ocean. He wished you were here to see it. “Mind’s racin’, and such. Miss you.”

“Aw, miss you, too,” you replied. He could hear your smile. “How’s Sophia?”

Ashton nearly slammed on the brakes. He readjusted his grip on the steering wheel to keep his knuckles from turning white. He wanted to say, “she’s not you”, but instead, he said, “she’s okay. A little sick.”

“Wasn’t she just sick?” you asked.

He bit his lip. “Dunno.” And he truly didn’t. He didn’t know much anymore. He felt like he was a floating entity. He felt like he was living someone else’s life. “I really do miss you, stinky.”

“Stinky?” You scoffed. “I’m not stinky. You’re stinky.”

“You can’t smell me through the phone, idiot,” he said, the corners of his lips quirking upwards.

“Maybe I should just come visit and find out for myself.”

Ashton’s smile grew. “Maybe you should.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” he said.

You huffed. “Fine.”

Ashton was grinning now, cheeks burning while he stared at the road ahead. He still loved you. He didn’t know if he would ever stop.

SEVEN: IT WOULD NEVER WORK

“Don’t fucking skip my favorite song, you asshole!”

Ashton’s stomach burned from laughter. He held his phone high, yet the roof of the car kept it within arm’s reach. Meanwhile, you were fighting for dominance as he kept one hand on the steering wheel. You huffed once you gave up, and you fell back into your seat.

“C’mon,” he said, poking your thigh to earn a response. You didn’t budge. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Look, I’m changing it. Here. You control the music now.”

That pleased you. You grinned, taking the phone from his hands while he let out a laugh. This was how the week had played out. Back and forth playful bickering until you pulled out your infamous pout, and he had to keep himself from falling harder and harder in love with you.

It was a dynamic he had missed over the past year. His friends noticed as well. His feelings hadn’t changed, yet he was happy. He could finally allow himself to be happy.

You set his phone down in a cupholder and took his hand in yours. Ashton couldn’t deny the shift in energy between the two of you, yet he refused to let it overwhelm him. He refused to let his hopes get the best of his behavior. Instead, he just smiled at you and returned his gaze to the road ahead.

“Have your hands always been this big?” you asked him, holding his hand up in front of your face to examine it.

He laughed. “Are you–– are you flirting with me?”

You set your hands back onto your lap. “Maybe,” you mumbled as you traced his knuckles.

Ashton continued to smile, and a fluttering stirred in his stomach.

“Is that okay?”

His laughter quickly faded, and he cleared his throat. “Y-yeah,” he said, gripping your hand a little tighter. He traced his thumb along your thigh. A comfortable silence settled in, one full of smiles and unspoken words that kept his mind racing.

The next morning, he helped you pack your things. The security line at the airport was short, and you were already running slightly behind schedule. Your plane would begin boarding within the next half hour. So, he kept his goodbye brief.

And then you kissed his cheek, and he wanted to pull you back in and hold you forever.

“I love you, Ashton,” you said with a smile. A warm smile that held meaning. You spoke words that he had heard before, but they felt different as they settled in his chest. You turned away before he could say anything else, and he spent the drive home with tears in his eyes.

Because he loved you, and you possibly loved him, too. But he could never have you the way he wanted. There were too many miles in between.

EIGHT: YOU’RE NOT READY FOR COMMITMENT–– RIGHT?

His feet ached. His knees did, too. Sweat coated his forehead, and he carried on up the steep trail.

Ashton had been thinking about you for weeks. He was caught up in your smile and the soft words you spoke. He climbed mountains to get you out of his head. His muscles burned while his brain ached with the idea of you.

You left him with a thousand questions. Did you feel the same way? Did he still feel the same way? Is this what he wants? Does he want commitment?

Ashton was caught up in scenarios left and right. He was stuck on a house in the hills, or maybe a small town on the eastern seaboard with a mile to the ocean. He felt the waves on his shins, and he felt your hand in his with a silver ring imprinting on his skin. He saw children, and he heard their giggles. He saw his life with you.

But, even after all of these thoughts, he wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted. He still didn’t know. The mountain had yet to clear his head.

He set his keys in the bowl beside his front door. The cold shower felt like an old friend, and a familiar song echoed in the tiled room. Your favorite song. Ashton smiled.

He still loved you, even if you didn’t love him. He still wanted you. He wanted you for the rest of his life.

NINE: IT MIGHT WORK

snail butt:

hey what’s the address for mikey’s party

oh also!! surprise!

i'm coming to mikey’s party

Ashton’s leg bounced as he awaited your arrival. He felt trapped in some small room at the back of a club while his friends chatted around him. Michael wore golden party decorations around his neck, and he couldn’t stop smiling. Meanwhile, Ashton couldn’t hold back his fucking nerves. He hadn’t told a soul that you were coming.

When you stepped in, the room was yours. Your name was sung in a booming chorus, bodies making their way toward yours for one big group hug, and you were smiling, too. Ashton stayed behind. He felt like he couldn’t move.

Your eyes met his only seconds later, your smile growing while you shot him a wink. Michael talked about something that reminded him of you, and you laughed along. Ashton’s heart swelled at the sight of you. He wished he could have it every single day.

The night carried on slowly, and the conversations between the two of you were cut short. But the shared glances flooded the atmosphere. There was something heavy behind them, like a beckoning almost, but he couldn’t force himself to move in your direction. He wanted to look at you from afar.

“Stranger danger,” you said after approaching him later on in the night. You folded your arms and smirked, and Ashton was suddenly aware of how tight your dress was on your figure.

“Me?” he asked, mirroring your grin. “What d’ya mean? I’m the least terrifying person you’ll ever meet.”

“Say that to the fifteen-year-old kid who dressed up as Freddie Krueger to scare the shit out of his innocent neighbor,” you replied. You took a few steps toward him.

“To be fair,” he began and placed his hands against the small of your back, “you’re just an easy scary.” His smile grew. “Hi, bug. Missed you.”

You fell into him, arms wrapping around his shoulders while your breaths quickly fell into a rhythm. “I missed you,” you mumbled against his jacket. You pulled away suddenly. “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

You nodded. “Come along,” you said.

The two of you said a quick goodbye to Michael, wished him a happy birthday, and made your way out into the chilly night. You had yet to let go of Ashton’s hand, even as he drove down streets that he hardly recognized. The address you gave him was one he had never seen before.

Ten minutes later, he was pulling up to an apartment complex fifteen or so miles away from his place.

“You gonna murder me?” he asked you.

You shook your head and smiled. “Nope,” you said.

A billion questions ran through his head as you led him up a staircase. But he stayed quiet. Even when you pulled out a set of keys and unlocked a numbered door, he still kept his mouth shut.

A lamp in the corner of the room lit up the small space. Boxes were stacked upon other boxes, and it hardly looked lived in. Yet, that didn’t matter. Ashton had realized what was happening. He felt sick to his stomach.

“I was offered a job,” you said.

He stared at the mess of boxes and mismatched furniture. Even through the clutter, it was thoroughly you through-and-through.

“And I was tired of having to constantly come visit you,” you continued with a laugh. “I didn’t wanna tell you until it was set in stone. But, yeah, welcome to my new home.”

Ashton turned to face you. You appeared nervous as you awaited his response. You were waiting for him to tell you it was a stupid idea, that you should have thought about this before packing up your life and moving to Los Angeles. But he wasn’t going to do that.

Instead, he cupped your cheeks and kissed you.

And you kissed him back.

TEN: THE FEAR OF FALLING OUT OF LOVE

He could hear the screams from backstage. A venue full of thousands of fans, all waiting to hear him and his band. He wished he hadn’t become numb to the feeling. It was his job–– it was normal. And the music he created no longer held the same meaning.

But he heard the songs differently now. He played with more passion, adrenaline rushing through his veins as his drumkit became a solace. Venues were his sanctuaries. Every night was filled with a new sensation he desired–– no, he craved.

His friends took notice. They fed off of his energy, and he wasn’t sure they had ever played this well before. It was something he wished he could share with you.

Ashton didn’t like remembering the thin line the two of you had drawn out. It was unexplainable, something unnamed that he was desperate to make sense of. Conversations were full of old jokes and stupid pictures he always saved into his camera roll. However, he never bothered to ask you how you felt. He never pressed about the one thing that stuck itself to his mind for well over a year.

He wanted to tell someone about how scared he was. Past relationships failed on his part–– he would flee instead of looking for reasons to stay. He chose to leave because he never saw things escalating further. Ashton had gotten used to the escape.

He felt different. He knew what he wanted, and he knew what he needed. Yet, the lack of reluctance created an unwanted fear. Ashton was afraid that, if you ever opened up to loving him back, then maybe he would stop loving you in return.

This fear showed itself in his performance. It fueled an anger that terrified him. But the shows were fucking phenomenal, he told himself. His hands bled after every night. And he still called you every night.

He was afraid of losing feelings. He was afraid of losing you. The idea of loving you was more beautiful than he could imagine–– the idea of you filled his heart with so much joy. That was where Ashton’s love for you differed from past relationships. He was used to falling in love with ideas, but this time, he fell in love with the honest you. He loved every little thing about you.

“Hi, bug.”

“Hey, how was the show?”

Ashton pushed sweaty strands of hair out of his face. His heart was pounding through his skin, fingers sore and shaky from an incredible set. His lips were numb. “Hi, um, it was–– yeah, it was good.”

“You sound out of breath.”

He inhaled as best as he could. “Sorry, yeah. I am.” Anxiety crawled up his forearms and into his chest.

“You okay?” you asked him.

He swallowed. He wasn’t okay, but it didn’t matter. “Yeah. I’m good. How was your day?”

“Oh, it was fine,” you said. “Didn’t do much. Watered your plants, ate your food, had a good nap on your couch, and then I––”

“I’m in love with you.”

You were silent.

Ashton’s throat burned. Everything was numb. His entire body had fallen numb. He wanted to end the call and never come home.

“You are?” you whispered a moment later.

His heart ached. “Yeah,” he said.

“Please come home soon.”

Ashton tried to laugh through the nerves building. “Can’t do that, bug. I got like forty shows left.”

“Poopy.”

This time, he could laugh. Maybe he had been nervous for nothing. Nevertheless, he now believed that he had nothing to fear.

ELEVEN: THEY MIGHT LOVE YOU BACK

The door to his home creaked as he stepped inside. A thick black night greeted him, not a single light to be seen as the white noise settled. He held his breath while he set his belongings beside the couch. It always felt like this when he came home. He was always welcomed by an overwhelming sense of loneliness. He would shower and crawl into bed, and he would spend the entire night in a restless state.

Ashton hadn’t expected to see you curled up in his sheets. That was where the night different from the many others. He hadn’t expected his heart to fill with such warmth at the mere sight of you. Two in the morning had never felt so good.

You held his pillow tight, and he wondered if it smelled like him. He wondered if you had spent the past few months here, and he wondered if it felt like home to you. Because you looked like home to him. It was like you were meant to be there, all curled up in his bedsheets with his shirt on your back.

Ashton knelt beside you, a smile etched on his features as he ran his fingers through your hair. He had never felt this much love before.

“Hey, bug,” he whispered, grazing his thumb against your cheek while your eyes fluttered.

You stirred beneath him and hummed.

“’m gonna shower, then I’m gonna hug you after,” he said. “Okay?”

You nodded, but a moment later, your eyes snapped open. “Ash!” you yelped. You tossed your arms around his shoulders and pressed yourself against him. “You’re fucking home.”

He chuckled, yet he didn’t reply. He held you tighter and took in your warmth. He took in your scent and the weight of your breaths. He wanted to hold you forever.

You were the first to pull away, a smile never fading as you rested your forehead against his. Your legs had wrapped around his waist, and your fingers twisted in his hair; it was a feeling he’d never let himself forget.

“You forgot to text me when you landed, asshole,” you mumbled.

He laughed again, raising his hand to cup your cheek before kissing you softly. And, like always, you kissed him back. Ashton had loved you for over a year, and perhaps, you loved him in return.

[juleshq]

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎 family  𝟐.𝟑 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she  was  known  around  town  as  the  𝐂𝐎𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  pronouns  was  crowned  as  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 & 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 and  study  𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 , 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃 , 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  . hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  her  blast  𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫 (𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄) 𝖇𝖞 𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐢 𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐬  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

i  don’t  think  i’ve  EVER  been  this  excited  to  plot  and interact with a group of people ,  u  all  seem  like  such  beaut  ppl  &  i’m  in  love  already  but   i’m  a  little  . . .  intimidated  ADFJH .  anyways  ,  i’m  not  going  to  ramble  bc  i’m  ready  to  get  down  to  business  ,  i’m  sammie  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  under  the  cut  is  a  long  bio  on  jules !  i  will  GLADLY  give  you  a  synopsis  on  this  chaotic  mess  pls  just  ask  ,  HERE  is  her  pinterest  board  please  ignore  the  sudden  amount  of  pins  of  just  her  , also  i’m  down  to  plot  here  or  on  discord  ,  my  discord  is  @ᵘ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃ ᵈᵒˡˡᵃʳ ?#3246  

* / BASICS

full name: juliana kaia dicaprio

nicknames: jules , julie / juli 

age & dob: twenty-one , august 14th , 1998

place of birth: long island , new york .

sexuality: heterosexual ( that she knows off )

bender: cisfemale

* /  MORE BASIC INFO

languages: english, french, some spanish.

religion: catholic

education: high school , majoring in biology at stanford

occupation: unemployed

drinks, smokes, & drugs: all of the above

* / PERSONALITY

zodiac sign: leo

likes: dark chocolate , tea in the morning , white roses , instigating bad situations , wine , black coffee , the smell of freshly brewed coffee , talking with strangers , long travels , adventures , being called “ angel ” , popcorn , quick tex responders , products made with silk , athletes , crime shows / films , crowded rooms , glitter .

dislikes: fake designer bags , people who don’t know how to lie , f , people who wear pearls regularly , long text messages , voicemails , men who are cheap , people who chew with their mouth open , humming ,  thrift shops , water-poof mascara , the smell of grass , extensive planning , and arrogance & stupidity combined .

bad habits: breaking promises to herself & others , not thinking before doing , fixating with her hair when nervous .

secret talent: juggling

fears: aging terribly , being widowed , drowning , being buried alive .

positive traits: alluring , convincing , affectionate , ambitious / devoted , systematic .

negative traits: manipulative , conniving , deceitful , dishonest , subjective .

* / APPEARANCE

tattoos: dagger on right index finger , “ devil ” on left index finger .

piercings: three in each ear , cartilage .

* / FAMILY INFO.

parent names: claire boucher & david dicaprio .

parent relationship: divorced .

sibling names: annalise , ashton , keller , & wade .

sibling relationship: step siblings & half .

children: none .

pets: 2 family dogs on her moms side.

* / BIOGRAPHY

i’m sorry it got long

             𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑’s entire childhood was spent in the spotlight -- her father was a huge rockstar in the 70's & 80's, and her mother a model . Claire spent her childhood between Florida , California , and New York , attending red carpets , premieres , etc. Claire attended Stanford to obtain a bachelor in science but was in and out of modeling in her teens and early twenties .

            𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎  lived an affluent life more under the radar . His grandfather is CEO of JD banking , one of the four largest banks in the world . He attended Princeton as the rest of his family did . He got involved in the company business at a very young age as did his brothers , but went on to become the new CEO after his fathers unfortunate passing in 2002 .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 was and will forever be her parents pride & joy . her parents were high school sweethearts & got married young -- at a twenty-two / twenty-three . they had been trying for two years to start their own family but jules’ mother struggled . thanksgiving in the hamptons , a dicaprio family tradition the day is engraved in her mothers memory , in 1997 , they announced to their family that after years of trying , they were pregnant .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 grew up completely pampered ; bi-weekly trips to the nail salon with her mother and annual father-daughter trips . her mother was her best friend until she began morphing jules into what she thought was perfect . making sure she spoke at least one other language , was active in school , extracurriculars , how she presented herself . her mother cared about image due to her own childhood of growing up in the spotlight . besides the near brainwash to fit her mother’s image of perfect , everything was ideal &  ‘ normal ’ up until the summer before her freshman year of high school . her mother discovered the affair her father had been having for months with a woman he did business with . he claimed it was due to the fact that jules’ mother had returned to some normalcy and wanted to work again , modeling and doing some traveling , therefore he ‘ just missed her around ’ . jules was aware of everything going on  , heard the countless nights they spent arguing in the opposite wing of the house , she picked up on her father being late to family dinner because “ he had work to do ” . her parents tried their best to keep her in the dark for the sake of her sanity , innocence , and view on her father . jules went along with it all , the daddy’s girl in her was in denial for all of the months leading up to their divorce . at the end , her mother got full custody of her .

             𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 came two “ yes ” parents . everything became a competition between the two , trying to one up the other ; who took jules on the better summer vacation , had the most over the top christmas morning , etc . it  was insanely manipulative & jules there wasn’t a time period where jules felt more alone ; not having a sibling to relate to , she was embarassed to tell her peers the real reason why her parents split , it was so cliché . both parents didn’t take too long to remarry , her father found another stay-at-home wife and her mother lucked out with a lawyer ten years older than she . her step-father had two daughtes & son with whom jules hated in the beginning – it  was a lot to take in and she was used to being the only child . her father went on to have a child with his new wife two years after their marriage . it was all an immense amount of change within seven years .

              𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 for jules had been constantly changing since the news of her father’s affair , she’d spend her summers & holiday’s going back & forth between each parents in the hamptons until her father moved to calabasas to be closer to his wife’s family as soon as the baby was born . jules had always been a wild , reckless child at heart and the divorce between her parents only allowed her to push her limits even more . the two-three years her parents spent processing their divorce were her golden years -- she could not get in trouble with her parents and they never got upset with her . she took advantage of it all and abused drinking , hanging out with boys , you name it . she loved the attention she received from any male figure -- it made up for the lack of attention she was getting from her father once he got the boot .

              𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 was where jules found her safe space ; she could be her wild self , far away from home and only a five hour drive from her father that she still rarely sees . she joined a sorority , joined the exec board , was forced to join french club by her mother , all while maintaining a 4.08 gpa .

           *  ` 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐄 jules has always been a wild child . she’s always had a desire for attention , all eyes & attention on her , though the B I R T H of her uncontrollable desire for attention from males stemmed after her parents divorce . the lack of attention from her father allowed her to realize her dad wasn’t the only one who could spoil her & every man was basically the same . she’s not super close with either of her dads at the moment and sees her father about three times a year , two of which are holidays & every now and then the spontaneous visit from him in cali .  

          𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is a h u g e  cry baby in the sense that she hates not getting what she wants . its not on purpose most of the time , it’s the way she was raised and the nature of her parents . she’s never had to ask for anything twice & hates doing so . though she’s a huge cry baby , she will try her best to mask her actual tears . she does a good job of seeming innocent , she’s that one friend that is super sus & lies a lot & keeps secrets but somehow is so good at convincing people other wise ? she’s a huge flirt , even when she’s not doing it on purpose , it’s sort of a weird practice or habit she’s grown into ? she feels empowered in the weirdest way of owning men and being able to form their opinion of her for them , this stems from her newly founded daddy issues  it’s more so due to the fact that her relationship with her father began to diminish once he moved out . she is & has been on her “ fuck love ” rampage .

       𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 do whatever she wants and will hide her bad intentions . she lives for chaos , loves enjoys pushing limits & boundaries . she loves a game of cat & mouse / teasing just knowing she has someone in her grip is what helps her sleep at night . she is a bit crazy . . .  the type to watch someone’s snap score go up . def that type to block and unblock someone 238473 timES . she has an underlying need of approval from others and she almost needs to be liked by everyone she meets .

     𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 she wants to model & be a playboy bunny BUT her dad would literally disown her if she didn’t follow her family legacy and attend stanford or yale to use her brains for good . she’s in school to be a pediatrician because at the end of the day she loves children and always wanted to seek a job in the healthcare field . she has plans to attend yale’s medical school after her senior year is complete at stanford .

i really based her off of american beauty & angela in the movie ( if you’ve seen it omg ily ) g

[moon-esque]

i'm greedy soooo 23 24 25 32 34 38 42 46 52 54 88 91 97 102 pretty pls 😚💕

thank you for being greedy my bub 🥺🙏🏻 I really appreciate it so much 🌹 xxx 

23: Favourite season?

Winter, but I have not experienced snow in a long time since I was little. 

24: Tattoos and piercing I have?

I have a ear piercing on each lobe, and I currently don’t have any tattoos. 

25: Tattoos and piercing I want?

A helix piercing sounds very tempting, however thinking of the pain makes me scared lol. I might just get another ear piercing on the upper lobe. As for tattoos, if I get any, I wanna get a tattoo of my mom’s name on my collarbone or wrist. Another one I can think of is getting one based on this on my forearm or maybe back. 

32: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

At a reasonable level for sure, as I’ve grown older, I think my ears have gotten more sensitive. 

34: Am I excited for anything?

Um @jenojam‘s upcoming story ‘Blooming’ of course! Because of her big heart and her creativity, she graciously took my writing request, which I will forever adore her for! 🥰

38: What do I think about most?

Jaehyun, food, my bunny, and my classes lol 😅

42: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I never really thought about the existence of aliens in the first place, but with ghosts, yes I do think they exist. My sister told me that if you have a bruise and you don’t know where it came from, it means a ghost bit you, and I freaking hated my sister for telling me that. She also knows people that can see them. 

46: What was the last book I’ve read?

‘The Hand on the Wall’ by Maureen Johnson. 

52: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

The one that I can think of is 21st Century Girl by BTS.  

54: My top 5 blogs on tumblr?

(these are in no particular order)

@jenojam: the very first friend I made on here when I decided to become active, and her stories are just ✨💫💞 w o n d e r f u l  ✨💫💞 Her ‘Preschool’ series is just the very best! 

@sunfortune: I haven’t communicated personally with her, but her humour and commentary on movies is just *chef’s kiss* I really do adore her blog, and even before I became active, I always checked out her blog. 

(I adore everyone I follow and who follows me back, but I haven’t been active on Tumblr for a long time, so I hope to make a lot of new friends very soon!) 

88: What do I like about myself?

That I’m sensitive and self aware of myself. 

91: Are you outgoing or shy?

I’m more on the shy side. 

97: What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

I always have a hard time with questions like this, and I feel like my taste is always changing, so I don’t know how to respond, I’m sorry 😔 I also feel like I need to let myself explore in finding new music. 

102: Where would you like to travel?

Hawaii (if I have the opportunity, I would love to live there) 

Japan (again, and I would probably love to live there as well)

Korea (especially Jeju Island) 

Thailand (again)  

Greece

England 

ask me some questions! 

[pinkykitten]

never give UP

Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove x female! reader

Warning: car accident, hospital, drinking and driving (do not do pls), speeding (also do not do), mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, alcohol

Specifics: angst, romance, race neutral reader, one-shot

People: billy hargrove, max mayfield, neil hargrove, your dad, your mom, your doctor 

Words: 1,747

Request: By @intheendyouwillalwayskneel Hi, could I please get a Billy x romantic reader where Billy is speeding and they get into a wreck and she is permanently injured. Maybe she lurches forward and hits her head on the the breaking windshield. Then develops a brain hemorrhage and falls into a coma. Billy is horrified and heartbroken because it's all his fault.

Authors Note: wow this one i think i went a little overboard with the drama and story srry im a bit of a drama queen so ta-ta. this has a lot of things in it so if u cant read it or dont want to read it no shame and no hate, u do u. i do hope for those to read it to like it cuz i wanted to think outside the box. srry this took me quite a while to make another story ive just been rlly busy lately atm. 

Crazy little thing called love played loudly on the speakers in Billy’s car. The windows were opened as the wind howled against your ears. The car’s engine roared as it sped down the darkly lit street. It was late at night and some folks would say that it was too dangerous for a drive but you and Billy were daredevils. You were opened to a rebellious chapter in your life after you met Billy. He was willing to take risks, he was the bad boy you would read every night in your romance books. 

Your hand danced in the air outside of the window, creating a wave against the waving trees. You sang to the music as Billy laughed. He laughed like a mad man, feeling the adrenaline rush through his body. You and him howled like a bunch of crazy teenagers you were. You were young and you wanted to live your life. 

“So how is this y/n? Is this wild enough for ya?” Billy shouted over the blaring music. 

You took a swig of some alcohol located under the seat. It burned your throat as the liquid made its way down. You gave a look of disgust. Billy chuckled and took a drink himself, “too strong for you?”

You shook your head as you felt light. Alcohol still new to you so that small sip made you feel tipsy. You scooted closer to Billy and wrapped your hands around his face, bringing him closer to you. You kissed his lips and his cheek. Your lips made their way to his earlobe, biting lightly on the skin and then whispering into his ear, “Crazy turns me on.”

Billy raised his brow as he smirked, “is that so!” As quick as light his foot stepped on the gas pedal making the car seem to fly through the air. The miles were going higher and higher. At first you were having fun, enjoying the excitement but now it was getting too dangerous. Your smile disappeared and instead a frown was found on your face. You were actually scared.

“Billy okay thats enough. Slow down.”

He would not. Instead he sped more. 

“Billy, I said stop it!” You were shaking. The car was going so fast that any minute it felt as if it would turn over and tumble around. Billy cackled loudly. His old, selfish attitude resurfacing. Out from the turn came a truck. Billy was speeding to such a degree that the car was zig-zagging. The car and the truck were about to make contact. Billy was like a deer in headlights. His laughing stopped and now all he did was freeze. He didn’t know what to do. He quickly lifted his hand to go across your body while your hands laid against the steering wheel. The wheel turned and the car spun out of control. It missed the truck but rolled down a grassy hill. The spin was so rough that you lunged forward, hitting your head against the windshield. 

Billy quickly made sure you were alright but was met with a distraught view. Your head laid back against the seat. Your forehead was bloody and blood dripped out of your nose. You laid unconscious. Billy was so scared for you. He shook you, wanting you to wake up, “Y/n! Y/n! Please y/n please wake up. Please, I’m sorry.” Tears started to pour out of his eyes. He wanted you to be safe, to be happy. 

He felt so guilty. Seeing you in the hospital bed, machines and things poking into you. It was all his fault. He would visit you everyday, no matter what. You weren’t respondent though, you were in a coma. Every day he hoped and prayed that you would wake up from it. It didn’t matter if you didn’t want to see him anymore or hated him he just needed you awake and alive. Your parents were furious. He would dodge seeing them every time. They wanted to kill him and probably stop him from seeing you but he couldn’t let that happen. 

He needed to see you. 

Billy entered into your room, flowers in hand. He set the flowers in a vase and put them beside you on the table. The doctor told him that even though you couldn’t move or be aware of anything you still could hear. Billy would always speak to you. He would tell you about his day, about your gifts, about your family. Even though he was going through a rough time at his home, you mattered more to him. 

“Hey babe, its me Billy. I got you your favorite flowers today,” he softly massaged your hands. Hating seeing them motionless. Billy had cried so much during this time with you. He hated himself more now if that was even possible. He felt he was a failure to everyone, to you, to Max, to his mother. He felt he was just a waste. Tears started to drip from his eyes onto his cheek, “you know Max made a card for you.” He chuckles seeing the odd stickers on it and the drawings. He placed it next to your flowers. “She hopes you feel better and she misses you. I miss you too. Your parents miss you.” Silence. He despised the silence. He just wished you would jump out from that bed and live. “Baby, you gotta wake up. It doesn’t have to be for me, its has to be for your parents and for yourself. I’m so sorry for putting you through this. Its all my fault. I should be the one there not you, me!’

A knock filled in the silence. Quickly, Billy wiped his tears and saw that it was the doctor who came in. “Is everything alright here?”

Billy nodded. “Is everything okay doctor?”

“Well...y/n is going to have some complications if she wakes up from this coma. She developed a brain hemorrhage and we’re looking at maybe some sort of paralysis. We’re suspecting half of her body but it may be more, we’re not 100 percent sure.”

Billy was shocked and he couldn’t stop himself from crying.

“You monster!” Your father came in along with your mother. Your father ran up to Billy and clutched onto his denim jacket, tears also coming down his face. “How could you do this to my daughter?” The doctor was trying to stop the fight but your father was so irate. Your mother was sobbing in the background and Billy wished in that moment he was dead. Your father shook Billy and screamed at him. “You did this to her. Take a good look at her!” Billy turned to the side and saw you. You laid there calm. Tubes connected to you. “I never want to see you again. Not here, not now, not ever. If she wakes up from this she is banned from seeing or even talking about you. You will stop seeing her here and I swear to God if you think about walking in here again I will make sure you go through the same sufferings as my daughter!” Your dad shoved Billy out of the room and Billy ran out of the hospital. Sobbing silently, alone, quietly outside. Wishing the nightmares would just end. 

Billy had tried to see you in the hospital but your father was always there and the doctors knew he wasn’t allowed there anymore. Billy made a turn for the worst. He just couldn’t live without you. He started to go to alcohol for comfort, missing school and his temper rising even more, taking it out on Max. He was a mess. It was either feeling guilty over what happened with you or getting abused. There was no happiness for Billy. 

Billy had woken up with a hangover. Throwing up in the toilet. He was done with this life. Then the doorbell rang. Billy thought it was another one of Max’s loser friends so he called out to her. There was no answer. “Max! I said get the God da*n door!” There was still no answer. Billy walked over the door, cursing to himself as the room started to spin. As he opened the door he was greeted with your face. You stood there, smiling, a cane in your hand as you leaned on if for support. Billy opened his mouth wide in shock, thinking he was dreaming as he sometimes had dreams or feelings that he saw his mother sometimes. 

“Is that really you y/n?”

You nodded and jumped onto him for a hug. You gently caressed his curls. “Its me Billy. Its really me.”

“Wait,” he backed away from you. “No this isn’t right. You hate me! You’re supposed to hate me! I hurt you. I did this all to you. I’m, I’m a monster!” He started to cry as his lips trembled. 

You shook your head, “no, no Billy. Its okay,” you cradled him in your arms. “I’m fine now. I feel better.” You looked into his eyes. “Look at me, you are not a monster. I don’t hate you Billy, I could never. I forgive you for what happened but there was nothing to forgive in the first place. I love you Billy. With every fiber in my body I love you. I could never be apart from you. I know about all the things you did in the hospital. All the things you said, the gifts, Billy that wasn’t hate that was love. You did all that because you love me. What we both did was wrong that day. We should of never drank and speed, but its in the past know, we learn from our mistakes. I’m not like your parents or anybody else in your life that leaves you. I’m staying put right beside you forever. You can never get rid of me.”

Billy felt speechless in that moment. How did he get so lucky to be with you? What did he do to deserve such an angel as yourself? Billy embraced you again, “I love you so much y/n. I love you so much.” He kept repeating. You placed your hands on his jaw and kissed his lips lovingly. Billy was so grateful to have you in his life. Even though his life with his dad was not easy he had you to lean on. He had you to make him smile and laugh. He had you to keep him going and to remind him to never give up. 

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag)

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[jksofficialwifey]

She's Back For You 1.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, * x reader?

Genre: angst, fluff, e2l, smutty themes, future smut, hot & angry jungkook

Summary; You're back, and Jungkook has never been happier, but you'll make him realize soon enough that his happiness isn't forever.

pls don't repost my work anywhere ty!

a/n: also mayhaps i'll add links later or nah as i update. or u can just search for it thru my blog. I can also rb the link under the replies so yea. enjoy reading!♡♡♡

☆~☆~☆~

He was almost drifting to sleep when he got a text from jimin.

jimin: OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW. TRUST ME YOU'D WANT TO.

It read. He wondered why jimin was forcing him to open his door. He took out his airpods and he could hear someone still knocking on his door, so he decided to get up and open it to get done with it.

"Hyung what the hell did u-" His words were cut off because he didn't expect the person who would show up at his door, it was the person he'd been waiting for all this time. The reason for his heartache and euphoria. He couldn't believe it. Was it really you? you're here alive and well- and you came back for him? "y/n..."

"Jungkook, It's been awhile." He immediately put his arms around you, hugging you so tight it almost hurt. He didn't even realize he was crying, either it was from overwhelming joy or sadness he didn't care. "Baby- is it really you? I'm not dreaming right? You're alive...and you came back for me. I missed you so much- it hurt so much when you left me. Baby don't ever leave me again." He said, still holding you tightly. Until he grabbed your face and kissed you so longingly and passionately, you were quite taken aback.

You broke the kiss first because you had to breathe, and jungkook stopped too since he realized you weren't really responding to his kisses that much. He wondered if you missed him a lot too? "Baby are you okay? maybe you're still tired- what happened to you anyway? let's get inside and you can tell me if you're ready. I wanna know," he told you and held your hand as you went inside his room. His room was quite messy, but with all the shit that happened you weren't surprised anymore.

You both sat down on his bed and you spoke first answering his questions, "I'm okay Kook. Sorry I'm just a bit disoriented, because of all that's happened- and I just wanted to see you first. Can I tell you what happened some other time? The past doesn't really matter anyway, cos I'm here now and I really just wanna be with you." You looked at him like you were pleading, so he decided you can tell him the story another time. You were right anyway, what's important is that you're here now. "Sure baby, don't pressure yourself. You can tell me about it tom. Have you eaten already? I can cook for you if you like." He offered, while playing with your hands.

Though you were a bit hungry, you didn't wanna go and face the other people outside. Jungkook's hyungs might be in the kitchen or at the dinner table and you weren't ready to face them yet. "Uh yeah i have-thanks though but can we just sleep? I'm a little tired-" You lie.

"Oh. Okay love, if that's what you want." You didn't even ask him if he ate, maybe you were just really tired he thought.

You woke up in the middle of the night because of your stomach grumbling, maybe you should have eaten something before you came here. Maybe you could've if he didn't annoy you to hurry up and show up to Jungkook already. There were empty ramen cups beside Jungkook's bed, maybe he went to get some food while you were asleep but didn't want to wake you up. Speaking of Jungkook, he was still asleep so it was the perfect time to get out and call someone. You decided to get some food while you're at it too.

Your phone rang when you were just about to call that person. "Hello? Great timing, I was just about to call you. Ofc I'm inside now, It's going okay so far- except his pda is annoying tf out of me." You spoke to the other person on the line in a hushed voice. "That's good then, but remember okay isn't enough y/n. It might be annoying right now, but you'll have to get used to it. You're his girlfriend after all, stick to the plan and everything might just work out in the end."

he then added, "And besides, you shouldn't be getting uncomfortable with a little touching and kissing baby, didn't I train and teach you that enough?" He didn't have to remind you of that, it just made you flustered. "Ok. I get it- he might wake up soon and look for me. I'll just call you when I have an update." You looked behind you, and you were glad there was no one in sight.

"Of course you will and i'll call you. Focus on your task. Don't forget who the enemy is, love. Goodluck." He then ended the call.

You went back to Jungkook's room and noticed he was awake. You just hoped he doesn't suspect anything. "Baby, you're up? I just went to eat some snacks. I got hungry." You told him as you got back in bed.

"Yeah, I noticed you were gone so I got worried. What took you so long?" He asked, coming closer to snuggle you and hold you tightly to his side. "I was looking for snacks that'd suit my appetite, I'm feeling picky today." Was your curt reply. "Hmm. Is that why you're being cold to me? Is it the time of the month-" "No- I mean yes. Maybe It's gonna start soon so- I'm being moody." You said and maybe it wasn't a lie, your period hadn't come yet. Though you knew there were other reasons why you were acting like this.

"Aw baby, you know I'll take care of you right? I'll do anything to make you feel better." He then proceeded to give sensual kisses to your neck and collarbone, but when he was about to take your dress off you stopped him. "I think we should go back to sleep Kook." You said awkwardly. He pouted and looked disappointed. "Did you not miss me y/n? Cos i think I stated it clearly that i missed you a lot- and yet it feels like you didn't miss me at all."

"That's not true Kook, I missed you a lot too. There's just things that are bothering me right now- and I'm not feeling in the mood to be touchy and all." You sighed, you really should stop doing things that would make him question you. "Well, when are you gonna be in the mood then?" Surprisingly his tone wasn't that angry anymore, he talked like he was pouting. Which was true since he was indeed pouting. "Idk kook, maybe tom?"

"You keep saying tom. you know? but fine- I trust you and I'll wait for you. And if there's things that are bothering you- you know you can tell me right? because I wanna know and because I care about you. Always remember that love." He told you and he kissed your forehead, it was becoming quite hard not to be affected by what he was saying, but then you remembered what happened and why you had to do this anyway. "I know. Thanks Kook- for everything." You said and you meant it.

♡

Thankies sm for reading! Which member do you think called y/n? ;) I'd love to hear your theories/positive comments so dun be shy to send me an ask :))

[asian-hero]

hey its the prev anon (the tumblr eating asks one) yeah thats not mine, can i get a shiro x fem reader with prompt 67? Thank u !! Sorry if it seems like im pressuring u ^w^

this sounds more gender neutral i hope you don’t mind

#67: When One Stops The Kiss To Whisper “I’m Sorry, Are You Sure You-” And They Answer By Kissing Them More

send me a kiss prompt! (vld, tdp, ml, dbh (i’m begging you, send me connor kiss prompt pls))

Your friendship with Shiro was always sort of rocky. It wasn’t that you two hated each other, it was more of a double sided love-hate relationship. You were constantly angry and worried about all of the stunts that Shiro pulled and he was annoyed with how you were always watching him. Ever since you two were little, you’d always hurl insults at each other, trying to see who could say the most vile thing to the other. This occurred so often that your parents, teachers, and other classmates thought you actually hated each other. Of course, this wasn’t the case, and if either of you said something that crossed the line then you’d apologize, because deep down, really deep down, you cared for each other. 

That’s why you found yourself in the med bay of the Garrison, waiting right outside of the surgery room that currently held Shiro in it. He had been reckless. The Atlas was losing power and the paladins of Voltron were in a tight spot, not being able to fend off the Galra by themselves. So Shiro, ever the self-sacrificing hero, decided to take one of the MFE fighter pilots and rushed right into the fight. He managed to help take down two of the Galra’s ships, but he was shot down by the cruiser, crashing down right in front of the Garrison. 

You remember rushing alongside the medics to the emergency room. Seeing Shiro with blood pouring out of his head, bruises and burns littering his exposed skin, will forever haunt you. Seeing his face contort into one of pain while trying to talk, blood trickling out his mouth as well, is etched into your memory. The feeling of his blood seeping onto your skin and clothes, the warmth that it provided, had now been burned into your flesh, and you couldn’t wash the feeling away, no matter how hard you tried. You know that you’ll never forget when he looked at you, even though he’d been through hell and he was a certified mess, he smiled at you. A peaceful smile, full of warmth and love that, once he slipped into unconsciousness, still rested on his face. That one damn smile was the sole reason of the blood curdling scream that tore itself from your lips. 

Looking down at your arms, you took in a deep breath. Although you’d scrubbed away at the blood on your skin and burned the clothes tainted with his blood, you could still feel it linger. It felt like a constant reminder that you failed him somehow. No matter how much your brain tried to convince you that his injuries weren’t your fault, that you aren’t even a soldier, you couldn’t help but think that you could’ve prevented this. Maybe, if you had joined him in the fighter pilot division instead of the medic division when you were younger. If you had been trained to fight in this type of combat, then maybe this could’ve been you, and not him. 

The quiet “swish” of the door opening and closing caught your attention. Glancing up, you noticed one of the operating doctors standing next to you. Springing up to your feet, you looked at her curiously.

“How is he?” You croaked out, your voice damaged by your screams earlier in the day.

The doctor smiled at you, activating the door to open it. “He’s no longer in critical condition, but he’s still unconscious. You can see him, if you’d like.”

You nodded your head, not trusting your voice to speak any longer. Stepping inside of the room, you were quick to sit down in the seat next to Shiro. Seeing the rise and fall of his chest, a quiet snore coming from him, made you sigh in relief. Brushing his bangs away from his face, you smiled, gently caressing his face in the process. Looking over your shoulder, you smiled faintly at the doctor.

“Is it okay if I stay here?”

She smiled, nodding her head as she exited the room, leaving you to slowly fall into a light slumber. 

———

The sound of sheets rustling is what woke you up. Opening your eyes groggily, you noticed that Shiro’s eyes were finally open. Snapping up, you analyzed his face, making sure that he wasn’t in immense pain. He seemed to know what you were doing, as he turned his face away from you.

“Stop looking at me like that. I’m fine,”

You huffed out in annoyance. “You know, for once in your life can you just shut up and let me worry about you?”

When he didn’t respond, you sighed. Grabbing his face gently, you forced him to look at you. Leaning in, you examined his face once more, making sure that there were no cuts or bruises in more important places. After a few seconds had passed, you slumped back in your chair, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. 

“Do you know how stupid you are?”

Shiro blinked, clearly not expecting that from you. “Wow, I just woke up less than five minutes ago and that’s what you want to say to me?”

You crossed your arms, sending a harsh glare at him. “Look at yourself! Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

Shiro sat up slightly, wincing at the pain that shot up his side. “I did what was necessary for the team’s success,”

You could practically feel the steam rolling off of you because you were so angry. Your hands balled into fists, your blunt nails indenting the skin of your palms.

“What if you died? You do know that you’re not immortal, right? I don’t care if you thought that you were ‘helping’ the team, your life is just as important as their’s!”

“They’re our only chance to defeat the Galra! I’m not going to sit by and do nothing if I can help!” Shiro yelled, not looking at you.

You felt your tears streaming down your face freely now. “There are other ways you can help! You don’t have to continuously put yourself in harms way!”

You couldn’t help the sob that ripped through you. All you could think about was how lifeless Shiro looked, how terrified you were when you tried to help him up on the stretcher. Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm down your sobs as you spoke:

“Did you even think about the consequences that would happen if you did die? What would the Garrison do? What would the paladins do?” You took a second as hiccups began to arise, “What would I do?”

Shiro snapped his head towards you, his eyes softening at the sight. He scooted over on the hospital bed, patting a spot for you to sit. You obliged, slowly moving over towards him, rubbing at your eyes in the process.

He gently took your hands away from your eyes, resting his forehead on yours. You looked at him, your face heating when you realized how close he was. 

“I’m sorry for making you worry,” He whispered, not wanting to break the peace you two had.

You smiled, shaking you head slightly, causing your foreheads to bump. “I know you are. I also know that after this you’ll still put yourself in danger, so, just, please be careful. For me.”

He stroked your cheek, silently making a promise to you. Leaning in ever so slightly, Shiro slowly moved until his lips were on top of yours. 

His lips were rough and chapped, partially due to the cold hospital air. You gripped his shoulders, making sure to not damage him even more so. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around your waist, hoisting you up onto his lap, deepening the kiss. You sucked his bottom lip into your mouth and he groaned, before pulling away slightly, looking at you with concern.

“I’m sorry, are you sure you—“

Instead of answering him in words, you pressed your lips back on his, your nose bumping into his cheek slightly. His hands were immediately on you again, gripping your waist tighter. His tongue pressed against your lips, silently begging for entry. You allowed him to, tasting your shared breath. 

You absolutely could’ve done this for an eternity, if it weren’t for the “swish” of the door and a round of horrified gasps. Jumping off of Shiro, you turned around, groaning when you saw who were the intruders.

Standing in the doorway were the paladins, with Lance and Hunk staring at the two of you in shock, Allura covering her and Pidge’s eyes, and Keith, leaning against the door with a bored look on his face. Shiro cupped the back of your head, hiding you in his chest. He narrowed his eyes at them.

“Haven’t you heard of knocking?”

“Haven’t you heard of bed rest?” Keith countered, a smirk on his face.

You groaned, pushing yourself further into Shiro’s chest. He laughed at your antics, pressing his lips to your hairline. Looking up at him, you smiled.

You were thankful for him being alive.

[yoong-seok]

Ring, Ring

Pairing: yoongi x reader, romantic or platonic, up to you! 

Genre: Fluff, comfort

Word Count:  1362

Warnings: This does bring up/deal with panic attacks and anxiety attacks. 

A/N:  Hi! I haven’t posted in a long time mainly bc I kept writing, editing, deleting, and so on. This took two months...and even now I’m not fully satisfied, but sometimes you just gotta let things GO. I’m thinking of having a lil mini-series? with each of the members. It’ll be called Ring, Ring! I hope you guys enjoy, and as always any critique is welcomed! (also im sorry if there are still some mistakes!) I want to also shout out to @versigny !!! I had asked her if I could use a line she had used in her fic bc I loved it so much and it tbh inspired this and she was sooooo nice and kind. Pls follow her (but u prob already do bc her writing is beautiful). I didn’t end up using it, but her kindness is just something I have to thank her for!

Within the expanse of your bed, you feel cold. As you lay curled up, head bowed down, legs brought up your stomach in a loose fetal position, your teeth chattering and your heart feeling lonely. Growing up, you had the comfort of your loved ones. From summer vacations with your cousins, piling on the beds, sharing blankets and jokes; to winter holidays, fitting too many onto a small loveseat as you opened any gifts and shared stories. You never once felt alone. The warmth and love had always washed over you, and you’ve grown so used to it.

But, now, you’re all alone. Far from your family with a new house in a new city, a new job, and a new life. It’s overwhelming. The emptiness of your house is suffocating. You take in each breath from your nose, the icy air stinging as it travels down to your lungs and back out again. Tomorrow, you were going to walk around and acquaint yourself with the new surroundings, but you don’t want to. You want to go back home. Back to warmth. Back to your family—their love and reassurance. Back to-

"Hello?" you hear. As you calm down, you notice you’re sitting against the bed frame, phone in hand. Briefly, you check the screen to see who’s on the other side of the phone.

"Yoongi," you try to breathe out, but the panic attack still hasn't left your lungs, so you barely choke out the 2 syllables.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" his voice is gruff, laden with concern. You don’t even know what time it is, but the sky absorbs the aura of lights from the city. "Hey, it's okay. You’re at your new place, right?  I'll be there in 5 minutes. Do you want me to stay on the line until I get there?" You shake your head and croak out no. "I'll see you soon."

You hang up and only then do you notice the time: 2 AM. He was sleeping, and you woke him up because you didn’t know how to be alone. How stupid. Your breathing became ragged. Hiccups falling between every few breaths. You wipe your tears harshly and quickly go to your call logs to call Yoongi back. Tell him he doesn't need to come over. You're sorry, you shouldn't have disturbed him, he has a full schedule tomorrow and he needs as much sleep as he can. Yet, as the ringing continues, you know that he’s already on his way.

You’ve known Yoongi for nearly half your life. The two of you had met in high school. As a lonely freshman, you walked around during lunch period, trying to find somewhere to eat. You decided to sit next to the music classroom. Finishing your sandwich, you heard someone playing the piano from inside the room. You peeked through the small window and saw the back of the blue suit from the school uniform. The soft notes of Fur Elise were playing before he stopped and began playing a piece that was unfamiliar to you. It sounded good. He was really good. The lunch bell rang and he turned, seeing you staring at him. You quickly threw your lunch in the trash and ran to class, feeling your face grow hot.

The next time you saw him was later that day when you were waiting for your mom to pick you up. You were staring at your phone and didn’t notice him walk next to you.

“You were outside the music room, right?” his low voice asked. You jumped slightly. Your ears grew warm as you recognized the face.

“Um...yeah. Sorry…” you mumbled. He said nothing for a moment, and you feared that he would make fun of you.

“Why were you sitting alone for lunch?” he asked. You looked up at him, but he kept his eyes forward.

“Oh, um, I’m a freshman. I don’t have friends, yet...” you answered him, slightly shocked that he was keeping a conversation with you. He paused again.

“Did you like it?” he asked in a softer tone. “Not Fur Elise...the other thing.”

“Oh yeah! I didn’t recognize it, but it was really good.”

“It was uh....” he sighed, “It was my own song. I’ve been working on it for a while.” Your eyes widened.

“No way! It was so good. It sounded beautiful! I don’t know much about music, but it was really pretty.” He finally looked down at you and you found yourself mesmerized by his brown eyes, and beautiful pale skin. And he let out a small smile. You found yourself smiling back at him.

“My name is Yoongi.” He sticks his hand out for you to shake.

“I’m ____.”

The doorbell rings through your apartment. You get up from bed and open the door.

He’s in sweats and a stained t-shirt that is likely from the laundry basket. A light black jacket covers his frame. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his black hair was sticking out in all directions. He walks inside, arms reaching out to a hug. The jacket and t-shirt have residual cologne, a musky scent with a mix of something you couldn't place...kimchi?

"Hey, I'm sorry. I was already driving when you called and it was on vibrate, I didn't hear it or see it until I got here," he says, the gruffness from earlier still lingering. “Are you okay?” Why is he apologizing? You’re the one who called him in the middle of the night, woke him up, made him worried enough to drive to your apartment. He has nothing to apologize for, you did.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry for worrying you and waking you up, I bet you have work tomorrow,” you mumble into his shirt, the sound of your voice muffled.

“Psshh, no. I was already up,” he says. You give him a knowing look. He tries to keep a straight face but gives up after your continued glare. “Okay, so I was sleeping, but don’t be sorry. I’m glad you called me.” You groan lightly into his shirt and mumble out another apology. "Let's go to bed," his voice barely reaches your ears. You nod noticing your lack of energy. You lay down and he sits against the headboard. He's being so kind and patient, not forcing you to say anything or asking any questions. It reminds you of how nurturing he is. You don't deserve him.

"I just got so overwhelmed," your voice is soft, yet the cracks from the panic attack are still reminiscent. You stare at the ceiling. He hums. You turn and face him. Instinctively, you burrow into his chest.  Yoongi lightly wraps his arms around you before speaking,

"Do you want to talk about it?" You deeply breathe in his hearty scent again. Your eyes flutter shut. Home.

“I’m just so alone," you begin to ramble. "I always had friends or family with me, but now, I’m by myself and I don’t know anyone here, and I’m so scared to go out and have to experience everything all alone. It’s too much for me.”

Yoongi is silent.

"I know you don’t want to hear me say that you’re not alone…I hated it when everyone said it to me…” You realize he probably went through a similar experience when he first moved to Seoul so many years ago. “Everything feels so scary. And it seems like you’ll never fit in.

“But, you’ll make friends. You’ll meet people. You think you’ll feel lonely forever, but I promise it won’t.” He lifts your head. The deep coffee of his eyes stare into your soul. You feel vulnerable. You feel naked. "And you have me and the boys. You can always call us.” He smiles, looking into your eyes. Feeling the original comfort of warmth, love, and reassurance, you smile back.

You don't know how to respond or what to say. Yoongi brushes his lips against your hair and you grip onto him. The change wouldn't happen overnight. Not much will change over the next few weeks. But, you feel safe knowing that Yoongi is by your side for the unknown future.

[sweetestt-devottionn]

Hug Me

AN: This was inspired by a fic that i read before hope u enjoy it! sorry for any grammar mistakes english isn’t my first language, i’m open to criticism tho:)

==========

It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song.

To remember you forever,

Just one last dance...

==========

Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast between light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

==========

Breathless

[breth-lis]

1. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"LISA!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

“oh mygod ohmygod,”

Jisoo swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Lisa heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Lisa’s hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Lisa was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

“I’m sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, fuck I’m- I’m fucking sorry I shouldn’t have I-,” Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

“pl-please just wake u-up please…”

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they’d listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

‘Me and my pride’ she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Chaeyoung, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn’t take long for the said best friend/ sister to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

“Jisoo unnie? Are you there?”

“Umm… Chaeng, I-I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what just happened I-“

“Unnie? Please calm down, what happened? Is Lisa okay?”

“She-“

“She’s just been admitted to the hospital, Chaeyoung-ah…”

“WHAT?! JENNIE WE NEED TO GO NOW!”

“Chaeng- I..” She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so dishevelled some might think they’re some kind of a hobo.

“Is she okay?” Jennie asked as Chaeyoung was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

“I- I don’t know , Jen.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious.” She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Jennie said nothing but pulled Jisoo into a tight hug in which she immediately melt into, followed by Chaeyoung as the three of them relied on each other for the comfort they badly needed at the moment.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Lisa's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry...”

That was all Jisoo needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Lisa knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn’t care less.

Jisoo pondered, just when did Lisa became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

‘such a tragic life of a dreamer’’Such a pity’

I wonder Lisa,

I do wonder...

==========

Jisoo spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Lisa was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn’t do anything but to accept their idols’ decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love’s life, Jisoo brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Lisa's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was fucking desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with Dalgomie, Leo, Luca and 4 kids running around the house. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea.

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. They took her away from Jisoo.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Jennie and Chaeyoung were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Lisa called out to Jisoo.

"Jisoo?" Lisa asked quietly, head laying slack against Jisoo's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to stroke Lisa's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Jisoo would have laughed at the random request but the look on Lisa's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Jisoo started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

"I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind...” She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Lisa suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

“The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same ..."

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

“You held your head like a hero...”

Lisa sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her ‘spectacular biceps’ that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Jisoo cueing at her to sing the next lines.

"On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age..."

Jisoo stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Lisa had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on CHICHU!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

"Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered...”

This time Jisoo did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Jisoo and Lisa singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

"I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now..."

Lisa continued as she looked at Jisoo and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

"We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."

Jisoo gestured to Lisa's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Lisa smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Jisoo to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

"When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."

Jisoo belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Lisa was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her ass off.

"Love live the wall we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders..." Jisoo sang loudly.

I'm not afraid," Lisa continued with a big grin on her face.

"Long live all the mountains we move

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall..."

Jisoo actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu Lichu-karaoke session. As she opened her mouth to sing the next stanza, Lisa had already beaten her to it.

"Will you take a moment,

promise me this...

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in,

And force us into a goodbye..."

Lisa sang the lines softly to Jisoo as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

"If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures,

Please tell them my name..."

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Jisoo rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Lisa and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you...”

Jisoo presented Lisa with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

All smiles no frowns.

"Long, long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid..." She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Lisa, getting a smile out in return. Jisoo gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

"Singing long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered..."

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us...” Jisoo whispered against her head.

"Long live you...” She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Lisa’s forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Lisa did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Jisoo's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Jisoo's birthday, Lisa had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Jisoo bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, Jennie and Chaeng always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Jisoo alone to deal with a crying Lisa.

Seeing her Lisa laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Jisoo panic level accelerate to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Chaeyoung. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Jisoo hissed at Chaeyoung as they walked down the hospital halls to Lisa's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow unnie , Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Chaeyoung tread carefully, afraid to get Jisoo madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Chaeng. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Chaeyoung confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Lisa would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Chaeyoung-ah, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Lisa was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Lisa had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Jisoo at the word 'home', really messed with Chaeyoung's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home…

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the two brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Jennie realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Lisa after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their ‘stupid aegyo tendencies and annoyingly cute gummy smiles ’ cheers to Jennie for that. She knew her gummy smiles are valuable winning weapon. So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected Jennie deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Jennie, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Lisa suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it Manoban, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Jennie clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Jennie sassed.

"Shit, let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of fucks I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Jennie was all but shout.

"Watch it Nini or I'll tell Chaengie about your behaviour."

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Jennie said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Lisa commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Jennie complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop.

==========

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

==========

Lisa knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Jisoo up.

"Lisa baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Jisoo didn't get an answer from Lisa except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Lisa was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Jisoo made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

I don't want to forget...

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Jisoo hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Lisa would listen close in her slumber.

“Please stay by my side,

Please stay with me..

Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...

I love you,

I love you...

In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming

From my foolish and weak heart..."

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

==========

Lisa was looking at Jisoo as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could she the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Jisoo with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Jisoo out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Lice, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, unnie. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. I stayed in your heart. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Lice. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Lisa had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

“Unnie, if it is time for me to go, can you take care of Jisoo unnie for me?”

Lisa never said it to anyone  in particular neither Jennie or Chaeyoung, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and a teary smile.

Their last moments together were spent with Jisoo brushing the remnants of Lisa hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn’t long when the silence was broken by none other than Lisa.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, Chu?"

“Anything for you love,” Jisoo smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, Chichu…" Lisa whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

"Hallelujah,

You were an angel in the shape of my love

When I fell down you'll be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go...

And when God takes you back,

He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Jisoo wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Jisoo muttered her prayer against her skin.

"In peace may you leave the shore;

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travel," Jisoo finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Lisa's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Lisa..."

==========

It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Lisa Manoban swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn’t even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Lalisa Manoban didn’t die in such great honour, she didn’t die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people’s face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 3 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

==========

"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

==========

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

MDZS ch.84

you people are beautiful. just, i love it when you comment my screams, but hurrying me to READ CH.84 BECAUSE YES, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN HEARD, THE CHAPTER C A M E O U T WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, I’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN IN MY LIFE TY ERS

now that’s here, though, i’m less than ready for this and at the same time i’ve been dying to read it so- HeLp

Lan WangJi wrapped his right arm around Wei WuXian’s waist and took up Bichen. Mounting the sword, the two of them landed on the boat.

okay OKAY I’M WEAK FOR LWJ HOLDING WWX BY THE WAIST. LIKE, WEAK IN MY KNEES. IT’S THE BEST THING. THE ABSOLUTE BEST. LIKE HUSBAND AND HUSBAND, I MISS THEM BEING SO LOVEY DOVEY

EDIT:

Wei WuXian was just about to speak again when Jin Ling suddenly broke into tears. 

[...] Even as tears streaked down his face, Jin Ling still shouted, sobbing, “This is my dad’s sword. I won’t put it down!”

EXCUSE ME WHAT??!?!?!?!?! MY SON IS CRYING?!?!??!!??! HoW dArE yOu Do ThIs To Us MxTx sdingfpwiorjgw okay but, how heartbreaking is it that he doesn’t want to drop that sword? i can totally picture why jin ling would be so frustrated and couldn’t hold back anymore, can you even image what kind of battle is going on inside of him? how much he misses his parents and wants to get revenge only to realise that killing wwx is not what he wants and probably feeling guilty about stabbing him and secretly looking up to him even if he knows he shouldn’t do that and wishing things were different WHY DOES HE HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS. WHY-

EDIT 2:

The one who called was Jiang Cheng, who stood near the edge. Still teary-eyed, as soon as Jin Ling saw his uncle, he immediately wiped his face, sniffing. He looked here and there and finally made up his mind to fly over, landing at Jiang Cheng’s side.

Jiang Cheng grabbed him, “What happened to you? Who did this to you?!”

(UNCLE JC TO THE RESCUE boy, does he care greatly for him. he is all he has left of his family *cough* jc-wwx-is-also-there-pls *cough* and i love this jc/jl moments, makes my heart really warm. i just wanna wwx in the picture, that’s all)

Jin Ling rubbed his eyes roughly, refusing to speak up. Jiang Cheng lifted his head, casting a nasty look at the fishing boat. His cold glare passed by Wen Ning, just about to land on Wei WuXian as Lan WangJi stepped out and blocked Wei WuXian’s silhouette, whether intentional or not.

(oèdkgoewigvp0wri LWJ STOP BEING PERFECT.

NO, WAIT, KEEP BEING PERFECT JUST WaRn Me-)

EDIT 3: disciples protecting wwx is- 

okay, i know i always say this, but it’s so, so, so good to see these disciples taking up to them to defend him. i LOVE the relationship that mxtx built between them, full of trust and spontaneity and loyalty and feeling secure in each others’ presence, and i love that it came to be like this after many hardship and doubts. the disciples came to know wwx for who he really is, and finding out about his identity made them more alert, sure, but their affection is still there and it burns in scenes like these when they just argue against sect leaders and adults and protect him like that. it’s so important and beautiful and i want wwx warm and loved by all of them-

EDIT 4: SORRY I’M SO TALKATIVE TODAY, BUT THIS CHAPTER-

Sect Leader OuYang hurried, “ZiZhen! Come back, come over to Dad!” 

OuYang ZiZhen was confused, “Dad, weren’t you the one who told me to get on this boat so that I didn’t annoy you guys?”

CAN I JUST SAY THAT I LOVE THIS SMART, SMART BOY?!?! BLESS YOU. 

EDIT 5:

Seeing this, Wei WuXian let out a long sigh of relief. As soon as he relaxed, heavy exhaustion suddenly passed over his face. He fell to one side.

It seemed that he didn’t waver because he couldn’t balance himself on the boat, but rather because he really was so tired that he couldn’t stand steadily.

E X C U S E  M E ODSJGIOWJGIORJ OMG OMG MY LOVE IS SO TIRED HE FREAKING FAINTED. WWX FAINTED i can’t even- i need him somewhere safe with his husband and their sons, not on a bOaT.

EDIT 6:

However, without requiring their help at all, Lan WangJi bent down slightly. With one hand at his arm and another behind his knees, Lan WangJi picked Wei WuXian up at once.

(of course he would. of course. LOOK AT HIM CASUALLY PICKING UP HIS HUSBAND. lwj you are a star in the sky, the moon of my dark nights, you give me hope and joy and you’re so perfect and caring pls just marry wwx now)

Carrying Wei WuXian just like this, he walked into the cabin. Inside the cabin, there wasn’t anywhere to lie down, only four long benches. Thus, Lan WangJi held Wei WuXian’s waist with one arm, letting his head lean on his shoulder, and with his other hand he pieced together the four benches into a platform wide enough to lie on. He gently laid Wei WuXian on the benches.

(i- just- wwx needs to stay comfortable, so lwj provided a makeshift bed for him and my heart can’t take all this fluff without crying a bit. they are an example of love and beauty. THEY ARE ALL I WANNA READ ABOUT. I LIVE FOR THEIR HAPPINESS)

Lan SiZhui suddenly realized that even though HanGuang-Jun was drenched in blood, the bandage that Wei WuXian tore from his sleeve and wrapped around that tiny wound of his was still knotted properly, tied around a finger of his left hand.

(did lwj purposefully tried not to ruin the bandage during the fight? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA SUGGEST, MXTX?)

[...] Right now, Lan WangJi finally took out his handkerchief, slowly wiping away the blood clots on Wei WuXian’s face. Soon, the snowy handkerchief had been dyed with red and black. Although he’d finished wiping Wei WuXian’s face, he hadn’t wiped his own yet.

(omg. *sobs* one knows how much lwj loves and adores wwx but is always taken aback in front of the extent of that feeling)

EDIT 7:

Lan JingYi was amazed, “I thought that Senior Wei would never get tired!”

(don’t you feel extremely happy whenever jingyi appears? i do)

[...] However, Lan WangJi shook his head. He only said four words, “We are all human.”

They were all human. How could a human be tireless? How could they stand forever?

(there. four words and he gave them a life lesson. this-

is so importan. for anyone, even us irl, this is so true but- can you think about the fact that the upstanding, renowed lwj is talking by experience? can you imagine how broken he was when... sorry, i can’t-)

EDIT 8: dfmoiwjgiowr the disciples eye-talking with each other is GOLD-

Suddenly, Wei WuXian wrinkled his brows, his head tilting to the side. Softly, Lan WangJi moved his head back where it was, so that he wouldn’t end up with a stiff neck. Wei WuXian murmured, “Lan Zhan.”

Everyone thought that he was waking up. They were ecstatic, but Wei WuXian’s eyes were still tightly shut. Lan WangJi, on the other hand, looked just as usual, “Mn. I am here.”

Wei WuXian was quiet again. As though he felt safe, he shifted closer toward Lan WangJi and continued to sleep.

(òkdjasKLFDIPEJRGIWJROIGNERJGNEKLRJG I’M SORRY DID I READ THIS SCENE RIGHT IS WWX CALLING OUT LWJ’S NAME IN HIS  S L E E P  AND IS HE DE FACTO  S N U G G L I N G  CLOSER TO HIS HUSBAND WITH NO CARE IN THE WORLD SOIFOWIRHGIOERHJGIEROGF

OMG I AM SCRYING -yes, scrying, like, screaming and crying at the same time and i needed a new word for this- SO HARD I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS SHIT)

The boys stared at the two blankly. For some reason, their cheeks suddenly flushed. Lan SiZhui was the first to stand up, stammering, “H-HanGuang-Jun, we will go out and get some fresh air…”

(OH

MY

GOD

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. THE BOYS GOT FLUSTERED BY PDA.

AND THEY ARE ALL ASKING EACH OTHER WHYAREYOUBLUSHING I CAN’T EVEN START TO TELL YOU HOW FUN AND CUTE THIS SCENE IS WHO KNEW I NEEDED THIS-)

EDIT 9:

Wen Ning, “Young Master Lan, may I call you A-Yuan?”

[...] Lan SiZhui replied gladly, “Sure!”

Wen Ning, “A-Yuan, have you been well these years?”

Lan SiZhui, “Very well.”

Wen Ning nodded, “HanGuang-Jun must’ve treated you kindly.”

Hearing him speak of Lan WangJi in such a respectful tone, Lan SiZhui felt even closer to him, “HanGuang-Jun treated me as if he were my brother or my father. He even taught me how to play the guqin.”

THIS CHAPTER IS A FREAKING ROLLER COASTER AND I AM FEELING A BIT DIZZY BECAUSE-

“a brother or a father” i can’t believe i’m alive to read this.

THIS IS SO TENDER AND WARM I’M JUST GONNA SNUGGLE NEXT TO THESE TWO

EDIT 10:

After some thought, Lan SiZhui responded, “I cannot remember either. It was probably when I was around four or five. I do not have many memories of the things that happened when I was younger, but when I was younger, I doubt HanGuang-Jun was able to take care of me. I think HanGuang-Jun had been in secluded meditation for many years back then.”

He suddenly remembered that when HanGuang-Jun was doing secluded meditation, the first siege on Burial Mound happened at the same time.

WAIT

W A I T

W  A  I  T

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT DURING THE SIEGE LWJ WASN’T ON THE FIELD

ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY THAT-

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT DOWN AND TAKE A BREAK FROM THIS CHAPTER

[nyangibun]

In Time, My Love ; Thunderblink AU

Summary: An AU where mutants aren’t hunted and John, Lorna and Marcos own a training/rec centre for mutants. 

The second John walks into the Mutant Underground, he’s accosted by Leanne, their twenty-year-old overly perky secretary, and she’s rambling at a pace that should be her superpower, so he puts a hand to her shoulder and reminds her to slow down.

“Oh, sorry!” Leanne makes a gesture like she’s conking her head with an invisible hammer. “My mouth just runs and runs away from me. Mama says I was born without a filter.” She laughs loudly. “This one time, when I was sixteen, my teacher told me –”

“Leanne,” John says, voice firm and a little exasperated. This is a song and dance they do every morning. 

She smiles apologetically. “Right, umm... Marcos says you have to go meet him in Training Hall B as soon as you get in. Life or death or something.” 

John nods his thanks and makes his way through the building. It’s been nearly ten years since Marcos, Lorna and him began the Mutant Underground as a place for young mutants to train and learn to control their powers safely. Since then, it’s grown into a hive for mutants of all ages to congregate and offer their services to one another. They even have a new wing dedicated to counseling and therapy. That hadn’t been his idea though, nor Marcos or Lorna. It was hers.

As if summoned by just thinking of her, his phone beeps. A Twitter notification.

Clarice Fong‏・@bbblink・1m  if anyone sees my bf, can u pls punch him 4 me? what kind of savage finishes the milk and puts it back in the fridge! #timetogettinder

Lorna Dane・@magnetqueen・1m replying to @bbblink  wow. dump his ass #thunderwho

Rolling his eyes, John quickly types a reply. Marcos can wait. 

John Proudstar・@thunderbird・1m replying to @bbblink @magnetqueen  kind of rude, babe. you’re asking people to break their hands for you 😏 (lorna, does 15 years of friendship mean anything to you!) 

He met Clarice nearly five years ago to the day. He’d been out walking his dog when he found her surrounded by a gaggle of kids. She was beautiful, the kind that made you stop and stare for a little while, but that hadn’t been what drew him to her. He maintains to this day that the second he fell in love with her was when she shouted across the park, “Michael, I swear to god if you don’t stop that, I’m going to teleport you into the damn Grand Canyon and leave you there!” Thankfully, John hadn’t needed an opener to meet her. Zingo did all the work. 

Suppressing the smile that always came with thinking about his long-time girlfriend, John pushes the door open to Training Hall B to find Marcos standing in the centre of the hall, staring up at the ceiling with a perplexed expression. 

“Uh... buddy, you alright?” 

Marcos startles and turns around, his eyes glowing for a fraction of a second, before he lets out a deep breath. “Shit! You scared me.” 

“You asked me to come...” 

“Oh... yeah, I did, didn’t I?” Marcos looks panicked and that makes John feel a little nervous.

“What’s going on?” 

“I think I’m going to do it,” his friend says definitively, turning his gaze back up at the skylight. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going to do it.” 

John is still thoroughly confused. “Do what?” 

“It,” Marcos says, narrowing his eyes as he glances back to John. When he doesn’t respond, his friend sighs. “Ask Lorna to marry me!” 

“Oh!” John laughs in relief. “I thought you were going to leave the Mutant Underground or something. You looked so freaked out.” 

“I am freaking out!” Marcos snaps, still as frantic as before. “This is a big deal! Wouldn’t you be freaking out if you were about to ask Clarice to marry you?”

The very idea has John’s throat going dry. “Yeah, but... but that’s different. You and Lorna have a kid together! You’ve been together for forever.” 

Marcos rolls his eyes. “Still terrifying, man.” 

“Right, so why do you need me exactly?” 

“I’m going to ask her here,” Marcos says, gesturing to the hall. “Creating this place is kind of how it all began and so I need you to clear your classes after 3 today so I can set up.” 

John salutes. “You got it. Need any help?”

With a list of tasks to do, John backs away and leaves Marcos to ruminate alone in the hall. As he’s finding his way back to the administration wing, he takes out his phone again to find even more notifications.  

Clarice Fong・@bbblink・17m replying to @thunderbird @magnetqueen ur so smug, arent u? what if i do get tinder! i’m a hot ass catch and i bet i can find a man who replaces milk cartons! 

Lorna Dane・@magnetqueen・17m replying to @bbblink @thunderbird   i can help! (ily john but tinder sounds fun)

Lorna Dane・@magnetqueen・10m @bbblink does not bluff. she actually got tinder (but then deleted it 5 secs later) @thunderbird 

Clarice Fong・@bbblink・8m replying to @magnetqueen @thunderbird  i’m gonna shower in purell tonight. how do single ppl do this? #thankgod4johnproudstar #sorry #lornamademedoit 

John swipes out of the Twitter app to pull up her number. She answers on the first ring. 

“Don’t be jealous,” Clarice says without greeting. “Unless you get jealous over dudes named Chad, who thinks going to the ‘gym’ is an appropriate interest. I mean what the hell is that about? Also, what’s up with the fishing photos! Is this like some new single white man thing?” 

John laughs. “I wouldn’t know. I’m not single or white.” 

He hears her exhale down the line and his heart does that dumb little twist of pleasure every time he makes her laugh. 

“Well, if you were ever thinking about breaking up with me, now you can’t because I refuse to be single ever again,” Clarice says, and he can hear the smile in her voice. “You’re stuck with me, Thunderbird.” 

“What a shame,” he says, teasing back. “So no more tinder?” 

Clarice makes a gagging noise. “No. And remind me to stop listening to Lorna. Oh, by the way, have you seen Marcos? Lorna says she’s been trying to get in touch with him all morning.” 

“He’s busy right now,” John says. He hates lying to Clarice, but it’s not his secret to tell. “He says he’ll call her after he’s done.” 

“Okay, I’ll let her know.” There’s a second of silence before Clarice says, “he’s going to ask her to marry him, isn’t he?” 

“What? How did you know that!” 

“One, I’m smarter than both of you; two, Marcos has been extra squirrelly lately,” Clarice lists out. “And three, you’re a bad liar.” 

John laughs, bright and loud. “Shit, well... yeah, okay. But you can’t say anything to Lorna.” 

“Oh yeah, that’s totally what I was about to do... But it’s crazy, right? Lorna and Marcos getting married?” 

“They live together; they’re raising Aurora together. I think they’re already married, Clarice,” John points out. 

“I know, but it’s still... weird,” Clarice repeats. 

“Not everyone is as allergic to commitment as you are,” John says, smiling as he continues to walk through the corridor leading to his office. 

He hears her huff. “I’m not that bad. I’m living with you, aren’t I?” 

“It only took four and a half years,” he reminds her, clicking the door shut behind him and walking over to his desk. 

“And in another four years, we can talk about getting a dog,” Clarice says, cheery like she’s just made a very funny joke.

John rolls his eyes. “We already have a dog.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, yeah... okay, you’re distracting me. Go do work. I’ll see you tonight. Don’t forget to buy milk! Love you, bye!”  

She hangs up before he gets a chance to say he loves her too, but his attention has already diverted to the object in his other hand, the lights above him refracting off of it in a spectacular display of rainbow hues. John isn’t exactly a romantic, but a year into his relationship with Clarice in an uncharacteristic moment of pure spontaneity, John went out and bought a diamond ring. It doesn’t matter to him when or how it happens, but he knew then just as he knows now that she’s it. Clarice Fong is the only person he’ll ever want to spend the rest of his life with and he’d be happy to wait another four and half years just to ask.

[mirrorballparkers]

picture day — peter parker

requested: anon

tagged: @ttholland>@clubparker@spideysensesparker @spideysensesparker

summary: you decide to wear one of peter’s shirts for picture day, causing nothing but cute fluff between you and you’re beautiful boyfriend.

warnings: LOTS of fluff, you know what it isssss :’)

“Why don’t I have at least one cute thing in my closet?” you whined in annoyance after throwing another piece of clothing on the ground. Picture day was by far your least favorite day of the year, and that’s exactly what today was. The struggle of your hair not being frizzy, to finding the perfect outfit - it was the worst day, a day that should not exist. Every year you had a horrible picture that was plastered in the yearbook forever, making you a lot more insecure about your appearance than you were before. You were far from photogenic. It didn’t help that your mom felt obligated to buy the picture every single year and framing them in the living room as if it were some masterpiece.

Eyes scanning your closet, nearly losing all hope and thinking why don’t i just say i’m sick and skip school, you land on the perfect shirt. You borrowed your boyfriend Peter’s clothes often, loving the sweet scent they had, hardly ever feeling lonely when wearing them. You had at least 4 of his sweatshirts and t-shirts, all of them stolen which led to you getting texts saying: ‘babe did u take my red hoodie????? I can’t find it.’

His red flannel was by far your favorite. It was the first article of clothing that you ever borrowed of his, being very special to you - you stole it. He literally doesn’t know why half his damn wardrobe is missing. Such a clueless, sweet boy.

“Perfect.” You smiled, holding the article of clothing to your chest, taking in the scent of your boyfriend, and put on the flannel, not even thinking that Peter would notice. It won’t make a difference, you thought.

**

“Oh, my god, i look horrible.” you exclaim, holding your new ID card that had your picture displayed on it, walking out of the cafeteria where picture day took place. It was by far the worst picture you have ever taken. Your hair gotten frizzy due to the gloomy weather, eyebrows looked wonky, and you absolutely hated the way your smile looked.  I swear the flannel was going to help. It definitely did not help.  Why is my life so messy, like my hair.

“You look fine, dude. Don’t worry.” Your friend assures you. The only thing you were worried about was Peter seeing how awful you looked. Not that he’d break up with you or anything, because homeboy was way too in love with you, but it was embarrassing and you just wanted to delete the photo from your memories and the world.  “I can’t let Peter see this. Never. I look so gross.” You say running your hand through your hair, wishing the photo would burn into a million pieces as you and your friend walk the nearly empty halls.

“Have fun stopping him from doing so,” you turned around to see Peter walking towards you with a sweet smile on his face. It was mid afternoon, and the poor boy hadn’t seen his favorite person all morning. He was especially excited to see your new ID photo. Your friend slowly and awkwardly walks away, muttering something about having to go wash their cat. Bitch, you’re allergic to cats. 

You mentally throw your shoe at her before walking closer to your boyfriend, very nervous.

“Hi,” You greeted him timidly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“Hey, you. Where have you been all day?” Peter said pulling you into a soft hug. You couldn’t help but smile in the hug, immediately feeling secure and safe in his strong arms.“Sorry, I wasn’t avoiding you on purpose, just was caught up in the whole picture day thing.” You wish you didn’t even mention that, because you knew that this boy would now bug you until you let him see your ID picture. Why can’t you shut your fucking mouth for once, dude.

“Aw, wait speaking of, I wanna see!” Peter pleads after pulling away from the embrace.

“Um, see..what now?” You questioned dumbstruck Maybe he would forget it was picture day?? Peter laughed lightly and raised an eyebrow, “Your ID card, dork. I wanna see how cute you look!”

 You simply shake your head, still trying to showcase the what are you talking about thing. Wasn’t working, your boyfriend wasn’t an idiot.

“What ID card…?” You asked slowly, earning a playful eye roll from the boy in front of you. This isn’t going well, fuck.

“The one in your hand. Again, you’re a dork. “ He pointed down at your left hand that clutched your ID card. 

You cheeks went a soft rose color, now holding it to your chest while softly shaking your head. “No, no,” you spoke softly, “I, um, don’t want you to see it…” you muttered, embarrassed.

“Wait, why?” Peter asked, frowning. You shrug, not looking him in the eyes. 

“Here,” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his new ID. “Look at mine then.” He handed it to you, allowing you to take a look at it. He looked absolutely adorable, as always. He was so photogenic, it was like he could never look bad in person or in a picture. You, on the other hand, looked like a burnt piece of toast that has been stepped on multiple times.

“You look so cute, Peter. I love it.” You spoke, making the brown eyed boy in front of you smile as bright as the sun.“Thanks, but I’m sure it has nothing on yours.” Peter smiled as you handed it back to him.

“Guess we’ll never know.” You say, making Peter more and more impatient, which you had to admit was adorable.

“Awww, come on pretty girl, stop being all shy and lemme see it!” he whined, “I just wanna see my love!” As much as your heart melted at that entire sentence, you still were the stubborn girl Peter knew very well, and you shook your head yet again.

“You’re looking at my right now, isn’t that enough?” You responded in a teasing tone. Peter just rolled his eyes, and brought his hands to your sides causing you to get very giggly and very ticklish. It was one of your biggest weaknesses, and one of Peter’s favorite things. He loved your laugh so much. It was so bright and cute that it usually made him giggle himself

.“Peter- oh my god, no babe pl- stop” you pleaded in between breathes, your entire face red. Peter quickly stops, still slightly giggling, seeing that you’re still laughing your ass off, and saw it as the perfect opportunity to snatch your ID from your hands. You gasp, giving up completely, dropping your face into your hands. Great, I’m dead now.

“Don’t look at it,babe!” It was already in his hands, like that was helpful. Peter didn’t answer, his eyes fixated on what he considered actual art. He was so mesmerized by your natural beauty. You look down, fiddling your hands and feeling slightly insecure. Is he about to break up with me due to my ugliness? Why is this cutie taking so long, what the fuck?

“I told you i look ugly..” You said quietly. Peter looked up, “What? No, you don’t - you look so cute!” he assured you sweetly, looking down again and smiling even more, causing you to blush “Aw, i can’t get over how cute my girl is - wait a minute, i-  babe.. is that my shirt?,“ he questioned with an amused smile on his face. 

Your eyes slightly widen, okay why is he just now noticing that? “Um, yeah - i can give it back if you want i-i’m sorry.” You muttered, now very flustered and nearly ashamed, you cover your flushed face with your hands, completely forgetting that you wore one of his flannels. 

“What? No, no - oh my god, no. Please don’t apologize, you look so cute and beautiful.” Peter rambled, removing your hands from your face. You still avoided eye contact with him, and he just thought you were the sweetest, most adorable little sunshine. “Hey, look at me,” He said, cupping your pink cheeks. “You’re beautiful.” You groan, still very flustered, and bury your face in his shoulder. 

Peter practically melted at this. He loved that he had this effect on you, it made him feel all giddy and mushy inside. “Holy crap, pretty girl - stop being so cute. It’s making me flustered.” He gushed, causing you to giggle slightly.

 “Glad I can make you all blushy, my love.” You giggled, booping his cute little nose, then reaching up to fluff his hair and messing it up, which always drove the poor thing crazy. 

Considering he did all this for you.Peter whined, “aww baby not the hair, please..!” he pouted making you laugh even more, which made him fall for you even fucking harder.

“But, real talk: keep the flannel. Looks a lot better on you than it does me.” Peter states before kissing the top of your head, making your heart explode.

“Don’t worry, spider boy, I’ll always keep your shirts warm.”

[butsomeofusarelookingatthestars]

Hii could u pls do something where ur pregnant and ur a doctor and u see a little kids Dad die and u get really sad cus u don’t want ur kid to have to go through that because Luke has a dangerous job and he tries to console u but ur just really scared of losing him?? I feel like Luke himself would have those thoughts 😭

Losing You

Fandom: Criminal MindsPairing: Luke Alvez x ReaderPrompt: Request

Description: A distressing case at the hospital causes you to think about your own situation.

I adored writing this one! I actually think it may be one of my favourites. I think you’re dead on with feeling that Luke would have worries about it. Also, if anyone wants to see any more of angsty dad!Luke there’s plenty coming up in IYF!

Your hand trembled slightly as you rested it on your growing bump, tears building up in your eyes and threatening to overspill as the horror of the day finally sunk it.

As a doctor, you were used to difficult days at work and you had experienced countless tragedies. It never got easier to lose a patient, but you had learnt how to compartmentalise your emotions and how to cope with the loss.

You had to be the best doctor you could be and a part of that was ensuring that you persevered through the tragedies in order to make a difference to others.

However, nothing could have prepared for you for the scene you had witnessed today. The case affected you in a way no other had ever. The man who had slipped away had been a husband…a father. It was that thought that haunted you.

You had been frozen in shock at the hospital as his widow broke down in front of you, the sound of children crying seemed to echo through your head as she desperately tried to soothe them. But, losing their father was something that would change them forever.

Their family was broken.

A gentle flutter in your stomach made you caress your stomach, a stray tear slowly tracking down your face as you glanced down at your baby bump. You knew exactly why the case today had gotten to you so much. Why you couldn’t let it go.

It could easily be you in that situation one day, crying over losing the love of your life and the father of your child.

As if sensing your distress, Roxy trotted over to nuzzle your hand affectionately – quickly leaping up onto the sofa in order to snuggle up beside you. Your intuitive dog seemed to know that you needed comforting, hoping that her warmth could reassure you and ease your apparent anguish.

Ever since the start of your pregnancy, she had become increasingly protective of you – often following you around the apartment just to keep a close eye on you.

Luke had been thrilled at her protectiveness, insisting that she was already the ‘best big sister’ your baby could ask for. He had often spoken about Roxy’s ability to help others. After all, she had supported him through some of his worst moments in the regiment and the trauma that followed.

But, you had never realised that she had grown to love you so much until she began to sleep at the foot of your bed – acting as a furry footwarmer while Luke was away as if sensing that you and the baby needed a little extra comforting in his absence.

You knew how much it reassured Luke to know that you had her around when he was working a case. However, it seemed as if he were completely oblivious to the dangers he himself faced.

You had always known Luke was the type of person who loved the adrenaline rush that came with demanding jobs. A former ranger wasn’t expected to sit comfortably behind a desk and you immensely respected his determination to help make a difference to others.

But, that didn’t mean that you didn’t worry.

In the past, it had always been at the back of your mind that you might one day receive the phone call to tell you things had gone wrong in the field. But, ever since you had found out you were expecting, old concerns came flooding back with overwhelming force.

Sometimes it felt as if the fear was consuming you. Whether it was waking up with a scream on your lips as you suffered from all-to-vivid nightmares or bugging Luke to send you a goodnight text every night he was away – the news had changed your life.

Before, you had always worried about losing the love of your life. But, now losing the father of your child made the thought truly unbearable. Being left alone was your greatest fear and it was one that constant lurked in your mind, striking out at your most vulnerable moments.

It was a dangerous job and there was nothing that could change that. You had no control over whether or not Luke would return home or not…and that petrified you.

He just couldn’t understand why every time he was late home, you looked so relieved. Nor could he grasp why you got so nervous when he fell asleep before responding to your texts.

He didn’t understand the question that constantly loomed in your mind. What if?

The sound of the door opening caused you to glance up, relief filling your eyes as they landed on Luke. You quickly turned your head away from him, wiping at your face in order to desperately try to hide the evidence of your tears.

He bent down to press a tender kiss on top of your head, dropping his go-bag to the floor as he approached the front of the sofa.

It had always been the first thing he did once he got home, giving you a kiss.He outstretched a hand to fondly scratch Roxy behind her ears, grinning as she licked his hand appreciatively. He always loved returning home to his two favourite girls.

“How are you?” He murmured softly, turning his attention back to you.

A slight frown played on his lips as he took in your glistening cheeks and pained eyes, noting how withdrawn you seemed. His eyes softened, their warm brown depths filling with concern, as they landed on the hand on your stomach.

“Is everything okay?” He asked quietly, his voice strained with worry. Fear stirred in his stomach as he wondered if something was wrong with the baby. He had never seen you like this before.

“I- I-” You choked on your words as your body began to shake, tears flooding silently down your face.

Luke immediately wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a warm embrace as you sobbed into his chest. He shushed you softly as he tucked your head under his chin, one hand tracing soothing patterns on your back as the other drifted to stroke your hair.

“I’m here.”

Those were the only words he murmured as he held you protectively against his chest, trying to assure you that you weren’t alone.

Eventually, your cries subsided – leaving you clutching at his tear-stained shirt in attempt to remain close to his warmth. His heartbeat provided reassurance as you tried to reason with yourself that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“I lost a patient.”

Your whisper was almost inaudible, stifled by his shirt. Your voice filled with sadness as the tears continued to stream down your face.

“I’m sorry.”

Luke knew how hard it was for you to lose a patient. Your compassion was one of the things he loved most about you and it helped to make you an outstanding doctor. But, it also made the losses a lot harder on you. He also knew how you felt – all-too-familiar with the gut wrenching feeling of not being able to help someone in need.

The burden was too much.

“He was a father.”

Your strangled voice told him everything. He immediately knew why you were so upset. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t worried about the exact same thing, obsessing over it ever since you had announced you were pregnant. The thought of leaving his family behind was one that had caused him many sleepless nights.

“He left his family alone.”

He moved up to sit beside you, sandwiching you between his warmth and Roxy’s, before pulling you against his chest protectively. His hands drifted down to gently caress your stomach, humming softly like he had been doing for the past few months. He wanted your baby to know his voice.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me…or to us.” He told you firmly, pressing a tender kiss to your temple.

“You don’t know that.” You whispered quietly, you almost didn’t want to share your fears with him because you knew it hadn’t been easy on him recently.

Balancing the chaos of the BAU with the responsibilities of being an expectant parent could leave him feeling slightly drained – both physically and emotionally. You didn’t want to add to his stress, but you couldn’t keep your feelings a secret from him anymore.

Your words had been the ones Luke had been dreading because he knew they were the truth. The unpredictability of being a SSA and the very real dangers he faced on a daily basis were things he had feared himself. He wanted to be there to see his child grow up and a career in the FBI could cost him that dream.

The loss of Stephen had hit him hard. Having to hold Monica in his arms as the incredibly strong woman broke down with grief had been a moment that had haunted him ever since. The sight of his distraught son and daughter at his funeral had given him nightmares.

What if it were you standing there one day, dressed in black and comforting your child as you wept over his coffin?

It was the reality of the possibility that truly terrified him and no amount of promises would lessen the threat.

“What if I lose you?”

He shook his head determinedly at your words. No matter how valid both your fears were, right now you had to live in present and not worry about the future. One thing he was certain of was that your love was something that could never be broken.

He gently laced his fingers through yours as he moved your intertwined hands to your stomach, tenderly caressing the ever-growing bump. You felt a familiar fluttering as your baby moved against your hands. It was almost as if he or she knew that you both needed the comfort.

Luke smiled softly, pressing a tender kiss on your temple as he felt your baby kick against his hand. This was his family and there was one promise he could always keep.

“You’ll never lose me. I promise.”