#i’m better now! but alf isn’t :(

[lilblueprint]

Mastermind

Saw a wide smirk on your face 

You knew the entire time

You knew that I’m a mastermind

You admit some truths in the light of morning sun. Jason approves. Or, you both get what you want.

Been a while, guys. Hope you all enjoy your holidays and Merry Christmas <3

Jason tossed and turned under the sheets that were smothering his body, eventually throwing them off before crawling back when the cold bit at him. 

It was the worst night to fall asleep—two days from Christmas and all he had were the stifling bedcovers and a persistent migraine. No body warming the bed next to him, no delicate breath against his skin. 

No you. 

You must have received some sort of sign from the cosmos, however, because a few minutes later, his phone lit up on the nightstand. 

A gleam entered his eyes as the screen reflected off his half-lidded gaze, growing brighter as he picked up on your caller ID. 

“‘Ello?”

He winced at the crackle that popped through his throat, holding the phone away as he coughed. 

“Hey, Jay.”

You sounded like you were smiling—god, he hoped you were smiling. 

“Hey, sweetheart. How’s the old crime rate doing uptown?”

“Uptown? Very funny, Mr. Todd—“

“Don’t you dare,” he growled, trying to ignore the grin breaking out on his face. 

“—Todd-Wayne, heir to a cut of the greatest fortune in all of America and possibly, the world.”

Oh, you were so in for it when you got home. 

“Tease,” he accused as he settled against the newly refurbished headboard. “You’ll pay for that later, doll.”

“I’m sure I will,” you replied serenely. “Lucky for me, Timmy’s going to be the one picking me up tomorrow.”

“What? I didn’t know that.” He frowned slightly. “Isn’t the Timbourine too busy taking care of business?”

Your no was positively gleeful. 

“He said, in his own words, that you and Dickie would steal me away the second we got to the gala and that he was taking advantage of the time allotted.” 

His groan echoed through the phone, and even he could hear the crooked smile in his voice. 

“All right then, doll. Say hi to Uncle Clark for me. And I guess I’ll have to catch you at the bar tomorrow night then,” he sighed, and he made sure to stretch it out as languidly as possible. If only to get your heart to twist for him—just a bit. 

“You’ll see me,” you whispered sweetly. Jason heard the soft chirrup of your kiss before you hung up. He chuckled—how cute was that, Mrs. Todd?

-

The next day, he got two texts from Tim. 

Stole Timmy’s phone. Over at his place for the day, I’ll see you at the bar?

Sorry abt that idk why your wife keeps forgetting she has her own phone. See u later were out for shoes

Grinning, he texted them back on their respective accounts. 

-

The roar of his motorcycle died as he parked it at the side of Wayne Manor’s garage, duffel bag swinging from his arm as he checked his watch. Nine o’ clock, he had just enough time to switch out his cargo pants for his trousers. He could already hear the rumble of the crowd as he passed a few windows. 

Slipping in through a side door, he made it to a bathroom and removed his boots before entering. Alfred would have his hide if he cracked the tile and Jason knew better. 

A few minutes later, he left the bathroom with a conspicuously lumpy bag, his uniform boots considerably larger than his loafers. He tossed the bag in his old room before making his way to the gala hall. 

Second dinner was in full swing as waiters paraded along the tables with trays of food. Jason only peeked in before deciding that whatever he could whip up in the kitchen would be infinitely more filling than the first class morsels being served. 

Luckily, he met Alfred by the door. 

“Master Jason, Merry Christmas to you.”

“You too, Alf. So good to see you.” He wrapped his arms around the old butler, and his grandfather let go of his strictly professional demeanour to return the hug. 

“Now, my dear boy, why aren’t you dining with the rest of our family in the hall?” Alfred asked when they parted. “Your wife asked after you.”

Jason offered a lopsided smile. 

“Well, I’m not giving up the time I get to spend with my old man.”

“I am touched, Jason. However, I’m certain your absence in the hall will concern Master Bruce and your wife. Shall I notify them that you are here, eating the recommended amount of Christmas dinner?”

He thought it over for a second, yes, you would wonder where he was, but that wasn’t with the intention of seeing him. 

Jason grinned. 

“No, I’ll take my time and notify them myself.”

-

He stifled a burp as he slid between the upper crust of Gotham, making slow work of navigating the crowd. A glimpse at the bar showed him you weren’t there, though you had been just moments ago. 

You’d waggled your fingers at him in a way of hello, then taken off as soon as you saw him pivot towards you. 

“Playing the long game tonight, aren’t we?” He muttered, grinning upon reaching your empty seat. 

He turned and instantly knocked into Tim. The two of them stared for a second, then took up seats at the bar. 

“Alcohol,” Tim told the bartender. Jason rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t worry, he’s not drunk,” he informed the bartender. “Not yet, anyway.”

Their weary smile told Jason they understood perfectly. Soon, drinks were in their hands. 

“So what’s the deal with her running off?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older, Timbers.”

“At least you’re not making fun of my shoes this time.”

“Nah, those aren’t fun-sized.”

-

Two hours later, Jason was back on your trail—he had a good idea of where you’d be at this time. He stole up a staircase, whistling Jingle Bells to himself. The relief of escaping dance partners who weren’t you put a spring in his step. He unlatched a window and shuffled out onto the manor roof. Sure enough, you were standing at the edge, facing him with your arms outstretched. 

“Took you long enough,” you called to him as he slipped down the snow-covered eaves toward you. 

“Look who’s talking.” He pouted. “You spend a week away on business and you tell me I’m late?”

“Actually, a bit early,” you corrected. “It’s not midnight yet.”

“You were going to wait up here ‘til Christmas?” He asked, catching you up in his arms. He tipped you toward the edge, basking in your whoop of surprised delight. He braced himself as you swung your foot at the snow-covered ledge, knocking off a clump of the powder with your heel.

“Okay, Jack, let me down,” you teased as he propped you up on his forearm like a child. 

“No, I like this view,” he replied, and got his hair pulled in return. Laughing, he set you down carefully on the ledge. 

“You are such a menace.” You leaned forward to touch your forehead to his.

“And your menace hopes you missed him,” he replied without missing a beat.

After years of knowing him, even after marrying him, you still blush. 

“I did,” you admitted, a rare shyness creeping into your eyes.

He smiled.

“Merry Christmas, doll,” he murmured against your crown, pressing his lips to your hair. 

Merry Christmas, Jay.

[circa-specturgia]

An Animal in Bed

A short two scenes of some fluff and cuddles between Cyril and Adira, two soldiers with long and winding pasts, and an on-and-off relationship that has lasted for almost 4 decades. They are messes when it comes to one another. I love them so much.

CW // Nudity? It’s not described in detail. But they sure as hell are nude. Some brief flirting and implied smut at the end as well!

Steam rolled from the bathroom door as Cyril nudged it open with a bare foot, dusky skin slipping from under the pale towel affixed at his waist.

Stretching, he gave a groan of satisfaction as he felt a pleasant grind in his spine and shoulders, tail similarly tugging backwards. The ache in his shoulder that had been bothering him all day had dulled.

Adira had enjoyed the water he’d warmed up for her a half hour ago, and now he in turn made note to thank her for cooling it down for him. Ice cold showers never failed to make him feel alive, relaxed. His specturgy would usually react at least a bit, however, resulting in clouds of steam never failing to fill the shower.

Slippers sliding across the hardwood floor, he hung his perfect military posture up along with his towel and walked to the bed, allowing his shoulders to sag, an absentminded wave dimming the candles that lit the room.

What woke both him, and Adira, was the moment he crashed on top of her, elbow connecting painfully with her lower back and causing the both of them to make some very un-professional noises.

“Fucking…” The Alf began, before sighing, muttering something under her nose, turning over on top of the furs before looking the Jihn in the eye sleepily.

It was only the hot shower pronouncing her tiredness with her Alvish blood that stopped her from reacting more animatedly.

Instead, she simply said; “Why?”

“You- I thought-” He began, hoping his freckles weren’t illuminated in the moonlight in embarrassment (They were.)

“You’re usually in your other form around now. I was tired, and didn’t bother to check, so, I… jumped. Onto you.”

If he’d been even a bit more tired, Cyril wouldn’t have realized how stupid it sounded. Unfortunately the both of them had been shocked awake by the jolt of one full grown, fully nude, hardened soldier leaping onto the other and slamming together.

Adira blinked once, then smiled sluggishly at the other man, now kneeling, tail flitting around nervously, as she got up, bare scar, weight and muscle defined in the candle beside the bed.

“We’re gonna talk about this tomorrow morning, you know that?”

“Yes-”

“Until then, let’s just get some fucking sleep. Sound good?” Cyril paused for a moment, closing his mouth and nodding.

“Yeah.”

Adira gave a satisfied smile, before stretching slightly, the familiar growl beginning to build like an engine firing up in her chest, within a moment the bed filled with a giant mass of black, silver, gray and white fur, a pair of glowing yellow-blue eyes staring at him.

A massive, taloned hand reached from the mass before Cyril could move from where he’d stood at the foot of the bed. With ease, it picked him up and drew him into the cuddle, as the beast began to purr, and the two of them fell asleep.

“All I’m saying is, you need to let it relax. You haven’t hurt me once in your sleep. If there’s anyone I can trust you being around, and you can trust being around you, when you’re like that, it’s me, isn’t it?” Cyril said, while they ate breakfast, adding between bites. “Thanadeuss was able to control how much of it he let out. You’re working up to that fine control, but in the meantime, this could work.”

“You have a point.” She muttered, begrudgingly admitting to herself that it felt better after having spent the night in that form, the curse apparently satisfied. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Maybe it doesn’t.” He shrugged, giving a glance up at her and turning back to his food.

The Alf had known him long enough to know when he was hiding something, and longer still, to tell what it was he as hiding.

“So you’re saying you like that form?”

“Would it surprise you all too much if I said it excited me…?”

She stared at him, for a moment, eyes wide, before her gaze narrowed, a slight hint of yellow ringing her irises and a smile tugging the corners of her lips.

“Is that so…?”

Her voice dove to a valley between a purr and a growl. It was all he needed to hear to know that the rest of the day would entail.

Hope you enjoyed! ✨ I ought to write some smut for them cause they’re soooo fun to imagine but I haven’t yet found the time and mood to do so properly, though I have a few scenarios in mind!

[somebigface]

*Big Face had just arrived in Allervale. The shaman took notice of all the worried villagers as he strolled his way to Elli’s tree house. After climbing the ladder, he knocked on the door and was greeted by his daughter. The two shared an embrace and he entered her home.

*Dokk had been given his own room within the tree house, and the pulley ramp for Dokk’s wheelchair had been finished. Dokk has had his hands full tending to the injured Tekkno, who was making a speedy recovery from his injuries.

*Big Face sat with Elli in the den area, and Elli began filling her father in on the current events and what had happened in his absense. Big Face removed his mask to get a better look at his daughter. After finishing up the status report, Elli sighed a little and began to fidget with her hands.*

“Dad? I’m… I’m thinking about making what might be one of the biggest decisions in my life… Possibly in Alf’s as well. Once this business with the Brood Father is over and done with… I… Feel like I can finally move on from what Toni did to me. Abe, Alf, and Toby all have made such an impact on my life. I’ve tried my best to let them know how much they all mean to me. I want to go with them on this fight.

And when this is all over, and if we survive this… I want to ask Alf to… to…”

*Big Face’s expression softened. He gently took hold of his daughter’s hand and smiled to her.*

“He really means that much if you are going to do that so quickly. Though I worry that this might all be a little too soon, I will support you. I will support both of you. Though I want to make something exceptionally clear, Elenore. If Alf dares to hurt you like Toni did, I will show him the same lack of mercy as I did to Toni.

If I’m honest, however… I feel we have nothing to worry about. I have been meaning to present Alf with something for a while now. Something that may be of use later. It is a gift I don’t give up lightly.

Elli? I might not be going with you on this adventure. Someone will need to stay behind to not only protect Allervale in your absence, but it’s been discovered that The Brood Father has ways to infiltrate the Shrykull Temples. I need to protect those lands. If they are destroyed or damaged, our connection to Shrykull may be severed entirely until a new temple can be created.

Elli? Listen to me. Throughout Mudos there are shrines, temples, or effigys that allow the spirits to walk amongst Oddworld with us. To not be concealed from our vision. If anything were to happen to those temples, then we may lose the ability to commune with forces like Lebone, Seraphim, even Mother Odd herself. The risk becomes greater if there are less shrines or temples laid out for that spirit or god.”

“Dad? Why are you telling me this now? Isn’t that the concern of shamans or seers?”

“Because Elli, originally you were destined to one day take my place, but now you are destined for something much bigger.  A protector of our beliefs and our sacred rites. Not just to Shrykull. Out of the spirits we frequently commune with, there is one who’s presence has been threatened on Oddworld since his betrayal of the pantheon. There exists but one shrine left to Lebone. If that shrine is desecrated, Lebone’s ties to Oddworld may be severed until more can be built.

The threat of the Brood Father may end in this final battle, but there are other lesser risks that still remain in the aftermath. Do you understand?”

*Elli nodded to her father and pulled him in for a big embrace.*

“At least this time, I won’t have to face this big destiny alone. And I have one of the best teachers in the land to help guide me.”

[kingalfrcd]

whenever i have days like today when my stomach problems start to act up and i feel as though i’m going to pass out from the pain, i always think of how much worse alfred’s pain must be, especially considering that they didn’t really have much medicine back then 🙃

[luckyqueenreign]

LITG - Spoiler Episode 25 - Season 5

The last of the leaks ive been able to get 😫😫. If anyone gets the files but doesnt feel like editing I can do it..just inbox me! 

-

Living for the drama of these last few episodes, Living for the casa cliffhangers and can’t wait for more. One note: I understand we are SWIMMING in the drama this season, and I am here for it, but Arlo wanted to scream at me in the middle of a bedroom for just LOOKING at Suresh but when I told the girls I was picking him she was just like “Guess you need to tell him then” the math aint mathing! I dont need her to kick off at every little thing but I just wish their personalities were more consistent. She’s been irritated at MC at every turn and now she’s just Ok with MC literally taking Suresh off her hands?? 

An example of more well rounded character was s2 Hope: If you ever told Hope you liked Noah she would be annoyed with you and sometimes angry but when you were coupled with him during Casa she was uncomfortable with it but not mad. 

I just feel like we’re getting half characters, Arlo could be such a better fleshed out character since she’s multi faceted, (potential LI, ex’ LI) 

oh and 💀💀💀 that casa is like day 7 for them 

NARRATOR: So, Kat caught MC and Suresh in a compromising position, who were quickly upstaged when Finn snogged Arlo in front of Kat during Truth or Dare.

NARRATOR: Kat held the moral high ground… for 0.7 seconds before she outed MC’s secret and retaliated by cracking on with Alfie!

NARRATOR: MC caught them at it, and now there’s more beef than a Texas cattle ranch!"

NARRATOR: And with villa alliances now at breaking point, we better get back to the action!"

You stumble into the bedroom slamming the terrace door behind you. Your head spins from what you’ve just seen!

FINN: Woah, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, MC."

MC: I’ve just seen Kat and Alfie.

FINN: Cool, they’re on the terrace?

MC: Snogging each other’s faces off!

FINN: Yeah, right. You can’t kid a kidder, kid. Nice try though.

MC: I’m being serious, Finn.

FINN: Like Alf or Kat would do that to me. Especially after my grand gesture last night.

The terrace door bursts open and Alfie rushes after you, guilt all over his face.

ALFIE: It’s not what it looks like, MC!

MC: It’s exactly what it looked like!,

ALFIE: It just happened. I’m really sorry.

FINN: Aha you’re in on this prank too, Alf. Nice work, but I know a set up when I see one.

Alfie stares at you and Finn, guilt stricken.

ALFIE: I’m really sorry. To you both.

FINN: Wow, you two are really committing to this eh? I thought I was the villa prank king!

ALFIE: This ain’t a wind up, geezer.

MC: You and Kat? Really? After everything!

Alfie doesn’t know what to say.

FINN: Alf, you even put some of Kat’s lipstick on to look extra convincing. Tip of the hat to you, sir.

MC: This isn’t a prank, Finn! Do I look like I’m joking???

MC: Does Alfie look like he’s joking??

Alfie sheepishly wipes Kat’s lipstick from his lips, cringing as he looks at you both.

FINN: You’re trying to tell me this isn’t a prank?

ALFIE: I wish it was, mate. It all happened so fast. We were talking one minute and the next…

MC: You were snogging Kat!

FINN: No way?

ALFIE: I’m really sorry.

FINN: Wow…,

FINN: I don’t know what to say. Didn’t see this happening in a million years!

FINN: MC, did you see this coming?

** CHOICE **

MC: They’ve always had a spark

MC: I didn’t predict this,

MC: I always knew there was something between them. They had that kiss on the first night.

ALFIE: That didn’t mean anything.

FINN: Well, this kiss did!

MC: Maybe I should’ve seen this coming.

MC: This is the last thing I expected to happen.

FINN: Join the club.

MC: Has everything we’ve been through meant nothing to you, Alfie?"

ALFIE: Course it hasn’t. You mean more to me than anyone else here.

FINN: Except Kat?

ALFIE: Let me explain myself.

FINN: Go on then.

ALFIE: MC, I was hurt after finding out about you and Suresh."

MC: You don’t even know what happened–

ALFIE: Please, just let me try to explain.

ALFIE: I felt betrayed. We’d started taking things further. We had that unforgettable night under the stars together.

ALFIE: And then I find out about you and him. In front of everyone!

ALFIE: You must know how that felt after what happened with my ex?

MC: If anyone understands that, it’s me.

ALFIE: Yeah, well you know that my head was all over the place. Kat’s too after what you did, Finn."

FINN: Kissing Arlo? That was a dare!

ALFIE: You snogged her ‘cos you wanted to! Same with how you’ve been flirting with her.

FINN: That was just shooting the breeze. I wouldn’t have taken it further.

ALFIE: You did take it further! In front of everyone.,

FINN: That was in a game. It doesn’t count!

ALFIE: It counted to Kat! We both felt betrayed. That’s why we were up there talking in the first place.,

ALFIE: MC, you know I haven't caught proper feelings for anyone since my ex.

ALFIE: And now when I have, and we’ve started getting more serious, you do this."

MC: I didn’t do anything! I turned Suresh down.

ALFIE: That’s not what Kat said.,

MC: So you trust Kat over me?

ALFIE: Right now I do, yeah

MC: So someone tells you I did something, so you immediately crack on with Kat?

ALFIE: She cracked on with me, but whatever.

FINN: Kat initiated the kiss?

ALFIE: Yeah.

KAT: Err don’t think so, babe! You kissed me.

Kat shoots Alfie a levelling glance from the terrace doorway.

ALFIE: Are you serious?

KAT: Deadly.

MC: What is going on?

FINN: So who initiated it then?

KAT: He did.

ALFIE: She did.

FINN: MC, you saw it. Who initiated it?

Arlo walks into the bedroom to see the action.

MC: I didn’t see the start. Just caught them at it. Neither was exactly holding back.

FINN: You didn’t have to kiss him back did you, Kat?

KAT: You didn’t have to kiss Arlo, did you?

ARLO: I’m staying out of this.,

KAT: Bit late for that, babe.

** CHOICE**

ALFIE: MC, tell me you believe I didn’t initiate it?"

I think Kat kissed you,

I think you kissed Kat,

I don’t know what to believe

MC: I believe you that it was Kat who initiated the kiss.

ALFIE: Thank you.

KAT: Really?

FINN: Did you actually, Kat?

KAT: As if you’ve actually got the cheek to ask me that.

MC: I actually think you kissed Kat.

ALFIE: Really?

KAT: Yes, really.

FINN: Did you actually kiss her first, Alfie?

ALFIE: Course I didn’t! As if you actually have to ask me that!

FINN: I’m having to choose between my best boy and my best girl.

ARLO: I’m not making you choose anything, Finn.

KAT: Stay out of it!

ARLO: Just trying to lighten the mood. Where’s Dana when you need her?

MC: How am I supposed to know who to believe right now?

KAT: Me. I’m not a liar.

ARLO: Think she meant that rhetorically, Kat hun."

KAT: You can explain what that means later. Maybe stay out of it for now, though?",

ARLO: Just trying to lighten the mood. Where’s Dana when you need her?

MC: You kissed each other. That’s what matters.

ALFIE: What matters is you cracking on with that cheating ex of yours!

MC: Here’s what happened–

ALFIE: Save me the details.

MC: You told your side, I can’t tell mine?

ALFIE: Just can’t stomach hearing about it now.

ALFIE: And I can’t be around you right now, MC.

Alfie storms out of the bedroom, Arlo follows him out.

KAT: So you believe Alfie over me then, Finn?

FINN: I don’t know what to believe right now. But like MC says, either way you snogged my best mate.

KAT: I wouldn’t listen to MC, she’s to blame for all this!

MC: How do you work that out?

KAT: If you hadn’t dared Finn he wouldn’t have kissed Arlo. I wouldn’t have revealed your Suresh flirt sesh.

KAT: Alfie wouldn’t have got upset. I wouldn’t have consoled him, and we wouldn’t have ended up necking.

MC: So Finn’s not to blame, then?

KAT: He’s very much to blame and I ain’t done grilling him yet.

FINN: Well, I’m not done grilling you either.",

KAT: Just, technically, MC you started all this.

** CHOICE **

Take the blame

Blame Kat,

Blame Finn

Blame Alfie

MC: I suppose I did start all of this, in a way.

FINN: No, we’re all to blame for this.

KAT: Some more than others though.

MC: You started all this in Truth or Dare, Kat. You said you’d keep it between us

KAT: I didn’t mean to blab. My usual discretion levels got rage trumped when he necked Arlo.

FINN: Usual discretion levels?,

MC: Finn started this all by snogging Arlo.

FINN: Maybe. But all this didn’t need to happen ‘cause of a kiss in a game.

KAT: Wasn’t just the game though was it, babe? That was the final straw.

MC: Alfie started this by storming off and not hearing me out.

KAT: Think you need to own your own part in all this, MC.

FINN: And you don’t, Kat?

FINN: You cheated on me with my best mate!,

KAT: You cheated on me first, babe.

FINN: It was a dare! It wasn’t some clandestine snog like yours.

KAT: Clandy-what-now?,

FINN: I’m done talking to you for now, Kat.

Finn storms out into the bedroom.

KAT: I’m done talking to you too! Wait, Finn.

Kat storms after Finn.

You’re left alone, noticing the sudden silence as you try to work out where this all leaves you.

You sit alone on the terrace trying to compose your thoughts, but the image of the kiss keeps returning.

"The door opens and Suresh joins you on the terrace, his expression unreadable.

SURESH: Wow, sounded like that escalated quick. Are you ok?

SURESH: Stupid question, I know you can’t be okay right now.

MC: That was a lot! Don’t know where to start with it all!

SURESH: Assuming it brought back some stuff between us too.

MC: It probably stings even more because of what happened with us. History repeating itself.

SURESH: I am sorry what I did is still affecting you.

SURESH: You know that was the main reason I came to the villa?

MC: What was?

SURESH: I knew you must still be struggling to move on from what we had together.

MC: How did you know that?

SURESH: Because that’s how I felt. I tried and failed to move on from you, but I needed closure.

SURESH: And knowing you like I do, I was sure you’d feel the same. I came here to give you that closure.

SURESH: I planned to apologise, answer any questions you had and try to make it right.

SURESH: Then I was gonna go home and leave you to move on.

MC: But what happened?

SURESH: I looked into your eyes again. And I knew straight away I couldn’t give up on you.

SURESH: I had to stay and take a shot at winning you back.

MC: And why are you only telling me all this now?

SURESH: I don’t know. Feels like now’s the time to put all my cards on the table.

MC: Because now things are shaky with me and Alfie?,

SURESH: Not gonna lie, that’s part of it. And I can’t really talk after what I did.

SURESH: But things were really good for a long time before we went off track.

SURESH: You’ve been coupled up with Alfie for a couple of days.

SURESH: You shouldn’t be having these problems

MC: None of this would’ve happened if you weren’t cracking on with me.

MC: Guess they had a right to be angry after what happened between us earlier.

SURESH: Maybe. But if they were right for you they wouldn’t have even believed Kat.

SURESH: They’d have heard you out instead of cracking on with someone else.

SURESH: Do you really want to be with someone who slips up at the first sign of trouble?

MC: Isn’t that what you did with me?

SURESH: We were together for a lot longer. And we went through a lot more than you have with anyone in here!

MC: That might be true.

SURESH: Do you think you’ll be able to get past Alfie kissing Kat?,

I can forgive a kiss

I can’t forgive this,

I don’t know yet

It wasn’t as bad as your cheating

MC: I think I can move past a stupid kiss.

SURESH: Really?,

MC: They only did it because of what they thought happened between me and you.

MC: I can’t forgive being cheated on.

MC: Even if they only did it because of what they’d been told about us.

SURESH: I think that’s the right call.

MC: But you want me to make a different call with you?,

SURESH: What we have is different.,

MC: I don’t know how I feel yet. It’s all too raw and all happened so quickly.,

SURESH: Yeah I get that. Your head must be all over the place.

SURESH: That’s why I came up to check on you.

MC: It’s nothing like when you cheated on me.

MC: That stung on another level.

SURESH: That’s because what we had was deeper.

Suresh leans back and looks at the Islanders unpacking the drama in hushed tones in the garden below.

SURESH: You know that none of this drama would be happening if we just got back together.

MC: Is that so?

SURESH: I think so. And I’m not sure if you’re ready, but I am.

MC: Ready for what?

SURESH: To move past everything. My mistakes. Your mistakes. Our past.

SURESH: I’ve lived with you and without you. And being without you doesn’t even compare.

SURESH: I want the wild, fun life that we used to have together. I know now that you’re the only girl for me.

MC: What about Arlo?

SURESH: Arlo’s great, but she isn’t you. And we don’t have what me and you have.

SURESH: That was obvious on our double date last night. I could only think about you.

SURESH: And I can promise you that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

SURESH: I don’t think anyone else here can make that promise.,

MC: Why’s that?

SURESH: Because they haven’t learnt the lesson I’ve learnt from losing you.

SURESH: I’m not asking for an answer now, your head’s scrambled.

SURESH: But I need an answer tonight.

MC: You’re giving me a deadline?

,SURESH: It affects more than just us now and we need to sort this asap.,

SURESH: I know where my head’s at. It’s over to you now.

Suresh flashes you a confident grin and goes back inside. Your head swims from this sudden deadline and you wonder where your decision will leave the villa tonight.

You head into the garden and Finn urgently motions you to join him on the day beds.

FINN: MC, I was waiting for you to come down. We really need to talk.

MC: About what?

FINN: What do you think? Kat and Alfie! I still don’t know who to believe.

FINN: I need to talk it through and right now you’re the only one who gets what I’m going through.

FINN: Drama’s flying in all directions, and it’s about to get even more dramatic.

MC: How so?

FINN: Well, I’ve got a massive decision to make. My biggest in the villa!

MC: About Kat?,

FINN: About you, MC!

MC: What do you mean?

FINN: Join me for a chat and I’ll tell you.

** There wasn’t the normal Diamond markers but I think this is a Diamond Route based on the come, don’t come chat **

I can’t say no to that

I’ve had enough drama already

MC: Sounds like we need to talk right now!,

Finn takes a conspiratorial look around the garden, checking no one is in ear shot."

FINN: Come join me, MC.

You sit next to Finn on the day beds and notice this is the most serious you’ve seen him.

MC: So, what do you want to talk to me about, Finn?"

"FINN: Well, my head’s spinning like one of them fairground waltzer thingies!"

FINN: I can’t get the image of Kat and Alfie out of my head. Still not sure I believe it really happened.

** If you pass **

MC: I’m still going to have to pass on this.

FINN: That’s a real shame, MC. I’ll have to find someone else to fill in then.

Finn leaves you alone and walks away deep in thought.

MC: I can confirm it definitely did happen.

FINN: I guess I always had some little doubts about Kat.. but Alfie?

FINN: I thought there was more chance of me becoming a brain surgeon than him making moves on Kat.

MC: You think he initiated it then?

FINN: I dunno. They were both upset. Either one could’ve acted out.

FINN: But I thought Kat was all in with me. Maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought.

FINN: It’s got my little Finn brain all confused about what I want.

MC: Confused if you want Kat or Arlo?

FINN: I came to a different conclusion.

FINN: But first, I need to know if you still want to be with Alfie?

FINN: Obviously, my girl Kat’s not my biggest fan since Truth and Dare.

FINN: Thanks for that dare by the way, MC! Dropped me right in

MC: You dropped yourself in it. And it looked like you enjoyed it too.

FINN: A little too much. And I do get why Kat’s fuming, but kissing Arlo has me asking myself all sorts of questions.

MC: Like if you want to be with Arlo instead of Kat?

FINN: My weird little brain came to a different conclusion.

I still want to make it work

I don’t want to make it work

I haven’t got the foggiest

MC: I still do want to make it work, despite what they did.

MC: Does that make me a total melt?,

FINN: Yep!

FINN: Just kidding, I get it. Your feelings aren’t gonna switch off like a tap."

MC: Right now I can’t see a future together.

FINN: I don’t blame you after what they just did.

FINN: But I’m very happy to hear where your head’s at.

MC: I don’t have a clue where my head’s at with them right now.

MC: So much drama tonight!

FINN: Wait till you hear where my head’s at.

MC: So, where’s your head at then, Finn?

FINN: I keep thinking about how different this would all be if I’d coupled up with you when I had the chance.

MC: Really?

FINN: I guess me and you going through the same thing together has me questioning things.

FINN: I guess watching things get complicated with you and Alfie got me questioning things.

FINN: I should be thinking about Kat right now, but I keep thinking about you, MC.

FINN: And all the little moments we’ve had together so far.

MC: Like what?

FINN: Like when we nearly kissed in our first proper chat on day one.

FINN: How you were my first choice for the date, and how our chat flowed like the river Liffey.

FINN: How I’ve felt like I was being sucked into your sublime MC eyes every time we’ve talked.

FINN: That electric first kiss we had and how outrageously soft your lips felt.

FINN: That connection that’s always drawn me to you.

MC: But you were drawn to Kat more?

FINN: I felt more sexual chemistry with Kat, and maybe I was thinking with my little chap downstairs."

MC: You call your… equipment the ""little chap downstairs""?

FINN: Well I sometimes call him Finn Minor or Fini Me… or Bryan when he’s been naughty.

MC: I thought you were being serious for a minute there.

FINN: Sorry, I was. Let me get this back on track.

FINN: I’ve always been able to say things to you that I haven’t with Kat. Maybe that’s ‘cause we’ve a deeper connection.

FINN: I know I’m always joking and flirting around, but I am here to find something serious."

FINN: Someone who can have the craic with my boys but also hit it off with my ma and da. And all my brothers.

MC: All your brothers? How many have you got?,

FINN: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

MC: Try me.

FINN: Believe it or not, but I’ve got five older brothers. They’re all just as daft and reckless as me!

MC: Wow, your parents must’ve had a hard time keeping you all in line.

FINN: They gave up on that years ago.

FINN: But my fam does mean the world to me.,

FINN: And when I’ve got a big decision to make I always get advice from my ma and da.

MC: Not your brothers?,

FINN: Not since they talked me into going to my grad ceremony in just my cap and gown! True story.

MC: Bet that was quite a sight!

FINN: My ma and da gave me the talking to of all talking tos after that!

MC: Well, what would they say to you now?

FINN: They’d tell me off about my flirty hi-jinx in Truth or Dare.

FINN: Then my ma would make me promise to stop showing off and being so cocky.,

FINN: And then they’d both tell me I should try to give things a go with you.

MC: And do you usually take your parents’ advice?

FINN: I think it might be time I started to. You’re the Rose of Tralee after all.

Finn looks at you with big puppy dog eyes and a tender smile.

FINN: I know my timing’s dreadful but I feel like I need to make a quick decision on all this.

He looks into your eyes like he wants to kiss you, but hesitates.

FINN: I know you said you wanted to make a go of it with your current squeeze. But…,

FINN: But I’d love you to give me a shot.

You hear raised voices across the garden where the girls have an animated discussion. Arlo rushes over to you.

ARLO: MC, we need you over here right now!

FINN: We’re having a serious chat here.

ARLO: Well, not as serious as ours, trust me.

MC, come on let’s go.

Dana waves you over to join them across the pool.,

Kat waves you over to join them across the pool.

FINN: Looks like you’re needed over there, MC. Let’s finish this off later.

Finn walks away towards the villa, casting you an enigmatic glance back. Arlo leads you towards Dana and Kat who watch you approach intensely.

You and Arlo join Dana and Kat by the pool, and all stand awkwardly silently.

DANA: MC, thanks for joining the most awkward social scenario I’ve ever been in.

DANA: And considering my outrageous social awkwardness, that’s saying something.

MC: Yeah, this is all tense isn’t it?

ARLO: And we need to squash this beef! I didn’t come to the villa to not have a laugh.

KAT: Should’ve thought about that before cracking on with my fella.

ARLO: Come on, hun, he kissed me. Can’t blame me for kissing him back.

KAT: Can and will, babe.

DANA: We’ve all kissed each other in challenges.

KAT: And it wouldn’t be major if they hadn’t been flirting like teenagers for the last few days!,

ARLO: I’ve only been here a few days. I’m gonna get my flirt on and see who I click with.

KAT: Thought you did that already and clicked with Suresh?,

ARLO: Yeah, and he’s been my number one. But I wasn’t ready to rule out other options yet.

ARLO: And I’m glad I didn’t since MC and Suresh were secretly cracking on.

MC: You didn’t even see what happened, Arlo.

KAT: I saw it all though.

DANA: No offence, Kat, but you’re the least reliable witness ever!"

KAT: And why’s that?

DANA: Come on, Kat, you know I love you. You’re, like, my most unlikely friend ever.

KAT: Err, thanks?

DANA: But you love the drama! And you sometimes get a tad carried away when you sniff some goss.

KAT: Babe, I could’ve sniffed this goss from Basildon!

KAT: Suresh and MC were all over each other.

MC: You really think you’re in a position to stoke the fire, Kat?

ARLO: Forget Kat for a second, MC. I wanna know the truth here.

ARLO: What actually happened between you and Suresh?

**CHOICE**

Tell the truth // This Response will depend on what you chose previously.

Sassily imply that more happened than did

Refuse to answer,

TRUTH

** If you pied Suresh off**

MC: Suresh tried to kiss me but I turned him down

ARLO: Really?,

MC: Yes. That’s what you walked in on, Kat. And like Dana says, maybe you got carried away?"

ARLO: Or she lied about it?

KAT: I ain’t no liar.

,ARLO: Or maybe MC is lying about it?

DANA: MC isn’t a liar.

ARLO: Well, something’s not adding up here.",

** if you kissed Suresh**

MC: Suresh was being super flirty and we kissed

KAT: Told ya

ARLO: Are you for real, MC?

MC: He was talking about this hot moment in our past and it kind of turned us both on.

DANA: Not sure if Arlo wanted the specifics.

ARLO: Interesting you’re saying Suresh initiated it. But even if that’s true, kissing him is proper shady!

** 2nd Choice – Sassily imply that more happened**

MC: What didn’t happen between me and Suresh? He was being super flirty and I wasn’t exactly complaining.

MC: We were basically cracking on with each other. Our hands were all over each other.

KAT: Oh my days.,

ARLO: Are you for real right now?!,

MC: It was getting pretty real between us. We were all over each other and we were seconds away from–

DANA: What are you doing, MC? Like we don’t have enough drama already.

KAT: And you say I’m dramatic?

ARLO: MC’s just trying to wind me up. Suresh is a flirt but he wouldn’t do that.,

KAT: You sure about that, babe?

ARLO: Certain! And MC, pretty shady you’re trying to milk even more drama.

** 3rd option – Refuse to answer**

MC: That’s no one’s business but mine.,

ARLO: Since I’m coupled up with Suresh, I’d say it’s definitely my business too.

KAT: Come on, MC, time to get it all out there.

MC: Like I said, I’m keeping that to myself.

ARLO: You’re being proper shady right now, MC.

ARLO: Guess I’ll be having a chat with Suresh about where his head’s at.

ARLO: Should have one with Finn too, while I’m at it.

KAT: You remember Finn’s coupled up with me, yeah?

ARLO: You remember snogging his best mate, yeah?

KAT: He snogged me, but whatevs.

Kat pouts and turns to you slightly awkwardly.

DANA: Girls, let’s bring this down a notch.

ARLO: Fine!

KAT: Fine!

Everyone calms slightly. Kat looks at you a little awkwardly.

KAT: Guessing you’ve got some questions for me, MC.

**CHOICE**

Why did you kiss Alfie?

Do you still want Finn?,

Did Alfie say anything about me?

,I don’t want to talk to you

**1st Choice**

MC: Time you told me exactly why you kissed Alfie isn’t it?

DANA: Yeah, you were never even that into him when you were coupled up with him.

ARLO: Was it just a revenge kiss for Finn kissing me?

KAT: Well, I’ve always thought Alfie was cute, but he’s no Finn. Total plank that Finn is!

MC: You haven’t answered the question.,

KAT: I felt royally pied off. Alfie even more! He opened up about loads of stuff to me.

KAT: What can I say? I’m a sucker for a sob story.

** 2nd Choice**

MC: Do you even still want to be with Finn right now?

KAT: Course I wanna be with Finn! He’s a total plank, but he’s my plank.

KAT: I’ve got something with Finn that I haven’t had before. And that’s why I get a bit protective.

KAT: MC’s the only one who’s had the inside scoop on what me and Finn have got up to.

KAT: I guess I’m a lot more into him than even I realised. And I don’t wanna lose him.

,KAT: Despite him being a complete tool.

,DANA: You were made for each other Kat.

KAT: Thanks, babe."

ARLO: Didn’t get Dana’s joke then, Kat?

,KAT: What joke?

**3rd choice**

MC: Did Alfie tell you anything about where his head’s at with me?

KAT: He told me a lot about his past. And why you and Suresh are such an issue for him.,

ARLO: What about his past?

KAT: That’s for Alfie to share if he wants to. But he went in on how much he was falling for you, MC.

KAT: How happy he was with you before all this drama.

MC: Did he say if he still wants to be with me?

KAT: I think you’re the only girl he might give a second chance to. But you’ll need to work for it.

KAT: That is if you still want to after he kissed me.,

** 4th choice**

,MC: I really don’t want to talk to you about any of this!,

KAT: Well, we kinda have to, don’t we?"

DANA: Guess if MC isn’t ready then it needs to wait.

ARLO: We can’t just sit around and wait for MC to make her mind up.

KAT: Yeah, we’re all in limbo here!"

KAT: Seriously though, MC you need to work out what you want."

KAT: Your baggage with Suresh is affecting everyone now, and you need to make a call.

ARLO: What do you mean, make a call? Suresh is coupled up with me.

KAT: Yeah, but him and MC are clearly far from over.

KAT: And the only person not affected by all this is Dana right now.

You notice that Dana looks a little upset.

DANA: Will be back in a few, girls.

Dana hurriedly leaves and heads into the villa.

KAT: And none of us really know where we stand till MC commits to either Suresh or Alfie.

ARLO: Kat’s right. It’s time to lay your cards on the table, MC.

KAT: So pick the one you feel strongest about and put it all out there with them.

Your mind buzzes with uncertainty and confusion, but you know you need to do this."

ARLO: So, which one are you most into, MC?"

**CHOICE**

Alfie

Suresh

MC: I’m most into Alfie

ARLO: Great choice. Go get him then!

MC: I’m most into Suresh.

KAT: Drama!

ARLO: Guess you need to talk to him then!

You take a deep breath before walking towards the villa to have a chat that you know will have a major impact on your time in the villa!,

Your heart races as you wait outside the bedroom door, trying to compose yourself. After another deep breath, you thrust open the bedroom door and step in."

But no one is there! The villa is eerily silent.

Your phone pings. Dana rushes into the bedroom from the bathroom.

DANA: Read it out, MC

"LITEXT: Girls,,The boys have headed off to Casa Amor and some sexy singletons are now heading your way! #HeadsWillTurn #CasaRemorse

You lock eyes with Dana and stare at each other in shock

NARRATOR: Casa Amor’s back! The only place where heads turn more than an owl watching tennis

NARRATOR: But which of the girls are going to hit it off with the newbies coming into the villa?

NARRATOR: Which couples will stay on track and which will crack?,

NARRATOR: And who will be no more after Casa Amor? Find out next time on Love Island!

[the-passenger-if]

although i know it would never happen can we get a short angsty scenario of what would happen if Newman caught the ROs cheating or vice versa

combining it with

i don’t think it’s been asked so how would the Ros react to catching newman cheating because i’m a mean person

(using the apartment as a setting because it would be easier to sneak in a lover there than in Mom’s house; just pretend Newman moved out at some point in the future)

“You trash!” to emphasize her words Fiama grabs the first thing her hands land on—a picture frame with a photo of Bruno and her—and flings it at the dirty cheater.

The projectile impacts between their shoulder blades and the hiss of pain it elicits from them should make her feel better, but it doesn’t. “Fiama, please.”

“You disgusting cheater!” she screams blindly looking for more ammunition; Newman is wincing at her, covering their face with raised hands. “This is what you do while I’m working? Bring side pieces to your place?” She finds… something… and feels it cracking under her fingers, but she throws it against the bastard’s stomach so hard they double over gasping for air.

The side piece is gone; they escaped through the door the second Fiama’s glare locked with their terrified eyes. Not ready to share the pain with Newman, it seems.

The person she thought she would share the rest of her life with lies doubled over on the floor and Fiama isn’t half done getting the anger out, but she has to think about Bruno. She pushes the heels of her hands against her eyes and tries to picture her son’s face. It works… if only a little.

“We’re done,” she grits out already moving to the door. “You’ll keep away from me and Bruno if you know what’s good for you. I’m not kidding.”

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until she’s out of the apartment complex.

---

Jonny should’ve phoned them. Why didn’t he phone them before showing up at their place? What possessed him to try to surprise Newman? Instead, Newman surprised him. He opened the door to find them lying on the couch of their living room with somebody Jonny doesn’t know straddling them and with half their tongue down Newman’s throat.

There’s a ringing in his ears, similar to the one that used to flood his head after a rock show, only this one seems to wash over him as if he had been gutted out and filled up with nothing but deafening noise.

Newman is in front of him saying something, but he can’t hear them. With a hand that feels cold and unresponsive like the hand of a corpse, he sets the tape he was planning to watch together on the closest furniture. Then he turns around and exits the apartment.

He barely notices Newman tugging at his jacket but he doesn’t stop; he has to get out of here, get in the car, drive away, put some distance between what he witnessed and himself.

Newman is pulling at his jacket now, so he shrugs it off and strides away faster. The ringing is so loud, the pressure in his ears unbearable.

He yanks open the door of the car, doesn’t pay attention to Newman and their words on the other side of the window, and pulls out of the driveway.

He doesn’t know how much time passes until he kills the engine and stays where he is, just staring at the desolate road ahead. Something finally cracks inside him and his already erratic breathing turns into desperate sobs. Jonny throws his arms over the wheel and breaks down.

---

They have to be kidding them. There’s no way… Roach squints through the window and through the thin curtain of the apartment and yes, there it is: Newman and Alf getting it on on the couch. Unbelievable.

They open the pizza box they brought with them and fish out a slice. They chew on it while watching the lovebirds make out and grope each other.

“Son of a bitch,” Roach mutters around their food. “What?” they continue in a whiny tone, eyes following the action in the living room, “I don’t like them. What are you talking about? You lying little slut.”

By the time Newman and the most handsome musty puppet this side of the country finish their business, Roach has eaten a whole six slices. They go to the door and open it with a kick. The look of shock on their faces makes the grin on Roach’s face grow larger. “Pizza’s here!”

“Roach,” Newman exclaims, eyes big and guilty.

“Pet!” Roach flings the almost empty box on their lap, before sprawling over the single recliner. They point at the pizza. “It’s sort of cold and soggy and the mouthfeel isn’t great, but, hey,” they wink at both of them, “what’s one more disappointment to your mouths, am I right?”

---

Horizon hears it before they see it. Through the apartment’s door, noises of kisses and whispers. They don’t even need to hear Newman moan to know what’s going on inside. They take a deep breath and knock on the door.

A beat and then, “One moment.”

Horizon waits for their partner to receive them, and if there was the smallest doubt in their mind about Newman’s infidelity—there wasn’t—it vanishes the moment they find them waiting on the other side. Their partner’s face has guilty written all over it.

“May I come in?”

“Uh…”

Horizon doesn’t wait for an answer and steps into the apartment. Newman’s admirer is standing, frozen in place halfway to the bathroom door. Their shoelaces are undone. Horizon turns to Newman, raises an eyebrow waiting for the introductions.

“Oh, uh, Horizon, uh, this is, um, a friend—“

Whatever face Horizon is doing right now is enough to make their words die in their mouth. Newman looks away.

The Domini stares at the ‘friend’. “I am Horizon, their partner. Pleased to meet you,” they simply say, tone as neutral as their face. “We have to discuss personal matters. I hope you don’t mind.” They gesture to the door.

“Not at all,” the ‘friend’ says before making a quick retreat.

Newman closes the door behind them without making a sound, and Horizon sits on the couch. It is warm. They fix Newman with a look. “Since when.”

They scratch their cheek. “Since when…?” Horizon doesn’t break eye contact, but Newman does. They massage their temple. “This was the first time.”

“Look at me in the eye.” Newman does so. “Since when.”

“This was the first time, I swear.”

Horizon stares at them in silence. “I believe you,” they say, and Newman exhales. “I don’t know why you didn’t tell me you wanted to sleep with other people. You know I don’t mind.”

“This is you when you don’t mind?”

Horizon can feel themself frown. “This is me worried that there’s something else you aren’t telling me. Did you use protection? Should I test myself for anything? I don’t want any surprises.”

“What?” And now they are frowning too. “I can’t believe this…”

Horizon pushes up from the couch and comes to stand in front of Newman. “Open the door. I need some time alone.”

Something like fear flashes in their partner’s eyes. “Will you call me when you get to your place?”

“Yes,” Horizon says, and then they are gone.

[themandylion]

For the trope mashup, maybe 63 and 99 for Jaytim?

Oop. This ended up long. /o\

63 (Everybody Knows/Mistaken for Couple) + 99 (Magical Accidents) + JayTim

The first time Jason summons Tim is an accident.

"Oops," he says, scrambling to locate his spellbook from where it got knocked under the table by the appearance of a full-grown man in his circle. "Sorry."

The guy tilts his head to the side, studying him. "What are you apologizing for?"

"For dragging you away from whatever you were doing. I was—the spell said it was to summon an animal familiar!" He isn't sure how he accidentally ended up with his down-the-hall neighbor instead.

"Ah. That explains it." There's a poof of pale blue smoke and suddenly Tim is gone and black cat is in his place. "I'm an animal familiar. Technically"

Jason is trying very hard to not be weirded out by the talking cat. "Just because you can turn into a cat doesn't make you a familiar."

The cat begins pacing in the confines of the circle, tail swishing back in forth in a lazy sort of way. "My mother was a witch and my father was her familiar. There was an accident, he got turned into a human and stuck that way, they fell in love, and eventually had me. I'm a witch, but technically I'm also a familiar. I do all the normal familiar stuff—channel magic, carry messages, self-teleportation, etc. Normally I only do familiar gigs for myself, but I'd be down to adding you as well."

"You just want me to feed you more," Jason accuses. He hasn't missed how Tim likes to invite himself over for dinner anytime he makes the mistake of opening a door or window while cooking and the smell wafts down in the direction of his apartment.

"Guilty as charged." The cat begins cleaning his paws, looking completely unperturbed by his current situation. "I'll point out that I'm also better than the average familiar, because doing spells with me in the mix makes it's a coven instead of a solo-working."

It's a very valid point Jason doesn't even try to argue, just breaks the circle so Tim can hop down. "Yeah, okay. You're in."

---

"I don't know why you two bother with separate places," Dick says as Tim waves to Jason before entering his own apartment.

Jason frowns as he sorts through his keys, trying to find the right one. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just, you've been thing for a while now. Isn't time to take the next step and move in together? You'd both save on rent, if nothing else."

"You realize he's a witch too, right?" Jason says slowly as he opens his door and lets them in.

"What's that got do with him being your boyfriend?"

Jason nearly drops his groceries as he splutters and tries to wrap his head around the preposterous thing he just heard. "Dick. He's not my boyfriend."

"Uh huh. That's why the two of you are joined at the hip, practically living in each other's pockets—and yet, for some reason, still maintaining separate apartments."

"We don't— We're not dating. He's my familiar."

Dick frowns, setting his own bags down on the counter. "Oh. Well. Still doesn't explain why you haven't moved in together."

---

After some questioning, it turns out all Jason's family and friends think he's dating his familiar. This is ridiculous—he doesn't assume Bruce is dating those reporters that're always hanging around WE, looking for the next big story, does he?

"Actually, Master Jason, I think you'll find that both Miss Lane and Mr. Kent are frequent guests at the manor and—"

"I'm not going to date my familiar, Alf. He's my coworker, not my boyfriend."

"Mmm. Indeed."

He really wishes he knew why Alfred looks so smug over something that definitely isn't happening.

---

Tim drags him into an alley a block before they reach their destination. "Okay. Not to weird you out, but there's something you should know before you join me for this working," he says, looking strangely embarrassed for some reason.

"Alright." Jason's been looking forward to this all week—Tim is the only witch he's ever met, being pretty much entirely self-taught from the various tomes in Bruce's library. Bruce did what he could to nurture Jason's ability when he was growing up, but he didn't inherit any of his ancestors' skills, so he was pretty much flying blind. Meeting Tim's other witch friends, getting to do a working with them… It's basically something he's been searching for his entire life.

"My friends have this crazy idea that we're dating?" Tim laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "Like, they know I'm half familiar and I've told them ours is a strictly business relationship, but they just don't get it. Sorry"

"Oh, hey. No, you've got nothing to apologize for. My family is exactly the same. It's cool, I definitely get it." Grabbing Tim's hand, he gives it an encouraging squeeze.

"Well. As long as you don't mind." Tim squeezes back, his cheeks turning a very pretty pink.

"People thinking someone like you would give me someone like me a chance? How could I mind?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, I'm not an idiot. I know you're way out of my league, so."

"Jason, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"W-what? Don't be ridiculous—!"

"Because I was trying to work up the nerve to ask you out when you summoned me, and then we were basically coworkers, but really good coworkers. I didn't want to mess that, so I—"

"Tim."

"Yeah?"

"I would love to be your boyfriend. Now c'mon. Let's not keep your friends waiting any longer."

(The Fanfic Trope MASH-UP is still open for asks!)

[sohotthateveryonedied]

No Matter What

Read here on AO3!!

Summary: 

Bruce figures out that his son isn't straight from an early age.

That doesn't make him love him any less.

- Eight Years Old -

Bruce is finally starting to get a hang of this parenting thing.

The first few months were rough, there’s no disputing that. Bruce lost track of how many times he panicked and called Leslie Thompkins whenever Dick burst into tears over something and Alfred wasn’t home. Not to mention all the times when Alfred would leave Bruce on his own for dinner, insisting that one must learn how to raise a child without a butler to help. Bruce fed the kid burnt chicken nuggets and garlic bread for two nights straight. Now, though? Bruce is immensely proud of how far he and Dick have come. He’s even taken to attending PTA meetings, if only for the free coffee and doughnuts. He hears the front door open right on time, then wet boots hitting the floor. Dick had a half day today to make room for meet-the-teacher night later. Bruce isn’t looking forward to spending two hours sitting in a chair made for eight-year-olds, listening to a teacher in plastic pearls talk about an elementary schooler’s oh-so challenging curriculum. At least he’s only got the one; he has no intention of having more kids after Dick. Bruce busies himself with his mostly unburnt slice of toast, one ear trained on the footsteps through the foyer accompanied by unceasing chatter that Bruce has grown quite fond of over the months. “—and then they let us outside for recess even though it was raining, and I went on the swings and my hair got all wet and it was so cool.” “That explains the muddy clothes,” Alfred says. “Sorry, Alf. I’m not immune to mud puddles.” “It would appear so, Master Dick.”

The two of them enter the kitchen, Dick working his elbows out of his yellow rain slicker to reveal the school uniform beneath. His cheeks are rosy, his eyes bright. “Hiya, Bruce!”

“Hey, champ. How was school?” “It was awesome. It was raining all day and at recess there were a ton of puddles all over the playground and a million worms. I didn’t touch them though, ‘cause the teacher said not to.” “What snack would you like, Master Dick?” Alfred asks, taking Dick’s discarded raincoat and folding it over his arm. “Can you do ants on a log?” “Coming right up, sir.” Dick heaves himself up on the bar stool beside Bruce, his sock feet kicking against the lower cupboard. Bruce spreads marmalade over his toast. “Tell me more about school. Any fights today?” “Nope,” Dick says proudly, flashing his gapped teeth. Dick and another boy got into a scuffle on the first day over a comment about whether Dick’s parents being from the circus meant they were part monkey. It’s a miracle Dick only gave the kid a nosebleed and didn’t break anything. The principal let Dick off with a warning since it was his first time at a normal school, but Bruce has a feeling the only reason he wasn’t expelled was because his guardian is the most powerful man in Gotham City. Bruce had a stern talk with Dick when they got home about the importance of controlling one’s actions. Traveling the world in a circus train car doesn’t do much to help one’s impulse control. He also banned Dick from watching television for the rest of the night, but Dick’s crocodile tears swayed him to balance it out by letting him have ice cream before dinner. That’s good parenting, right? “I even made a friend,” Dick says. “Oh? What are they like?” “His name is Caleb and his desk is right next to mine, so we talked during reading time. Then he gave me some of his chocolate during lunch and we played on the swings together at recess.” “Ah, the wonders of childhood friendship,” Alfred says from where he’s slicing up a celery stalk at the other end of the counter. He sounds relieved, and Bruce finds himself matching it. Dick has been at Gotham Elementary for almost a week and hasn’t made a single friend until now. Bruce can’t tell if that is more because of Dick’s circus background or because he is a tan-skinned boy with the barest of Romani accents attending a predominantly white private school. Sometimes (all the time) Bruce loathes being associated with Gotham’s high society. If you’re not white, straight, and rich, you are automatically shunned in their minds. “He sounds great, Dick.” “Yeah! And he’s got really pretty eyes too. I can’t tell if they’re brown or green, but they’re sparkly like glitter.” Bruce arches an eyebrow. “You must like him a lot.” He takes a bite of his toast, making eye contact with Alfred over the boy’s head. Alfred doesn’t react but for a twitch of his mustache. Dick nods, focus switched over to the plate Alfred slides in front of him. Dick takes a celery stick and picks off the first raisin coated in peanut butter, licking it off his thumb. “I hope he talks to me again tomorrow. Alfred, can I bring an extra snack to lunch tomorrow so I can share it with him?” Alfred smiles. “Of course. I will pack a second cupcake in your lunchbox tomorrow morning just for him.” “Thanks, Alf.” Dick goes right back to eating his ants on a log, cheerful as ever, completely unaware of the swarm of question marks buzzing around in Bruce’s head. Huh. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Eleven Years Old - Bruce gets home from a three-hour business meeting, his sandpapery eyes aching to close and stay shut for...let’s go with ten years? That should be enough. He loosens his tie and prepares to go upstairs to his bedroom where he’ll spend the next decade of his life hibernating, until he sees his ward on the living room sofa. Dick is lying on his stomach with his face buried in a throw pillow, as if he’s waiting for the sofa to swallow him whole. Must have been a bad day if he’s not sliding down banisters and flipping over chairs like usual. Sighing, Bruce goes over. “Dick? You alive over there?” “Mmph.” At least he’s conscious. Bruce sits on the arm of the couch, shaking Dick’s thin shoulder. “Come on, kiddo. Use your words.” “Mmph.” “Bad day, then?” Dick nods. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Dick shakes his head. Bruce sits back with a frown. “Alfred?” he calls. Alfred pokes his head in. “Yes, Master Bruce?” Bruce gestures to their anguished preteen. “It would seem that our lad had a rough day at school. He wouldn’t tell me what, but I’m making his favorite casserole for dinner. Hopefully that will perk him up.” Bruce turns back to Dick, who hasn’t moved. “C’mon, Dickie. Sit up so I can see your face.” Reluctantly, Dick forces himself upright with one last groan into his pillow. His hair is mussed, standing up on one side. There’s a pillow crease on his cheek. He sits back against the sofa, miserable. “Better.” Bruce prods Dick’s ribs which earns him a giggle, goading the kid into sliding over a few inches so Bruce can sit beside him. Dick leans into his side immediately and Bruce puts his arm around him. “Now, tell me what’s got you down.” “I want to transfer schools.” “How come?” As far as he’s known until now, Dick has loved middle school. His childhood took a bad turn when his parents’ ropes snapped, but preteen life is at a good start. Until now. Dick’s gaze is trained on his sneakers, kicking them where they hang over the edge of the couch. “Some kids in my science class were talking crap about me.” “Don’t say crap.” “Can I go to a new school? Please?” “What did those kids say about you?” Dick picks at a dime-size hole in his jeans. “They called me gay,” he says quietly. Bruce tightens his arm around the boy, his heart panging. Of course someone had to bully Bruce’s kid. As if his life hasn’t already been hard enough without stupid teenagers making it worse. “I wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I was just talking to my lab partner, and the guys at the next table over started whispering about us. Then they started throwing papers.” “Did you tell the teacher?” “No. But I know she noticed. Everyone did. She just didn’t do anything about it.” That sets Bruce’s blood to a boil. Teachers have a responsibility to protect their students, no matter what. What gives her the right to turn a blind eye to bullying, just because a couple of students might not fit the agreed-upon standards of “perfect” upper class society? “I’ll set up an appointment with the principal,” Bruce decides. Dick’s eyes get wide. “Bruce, no. Please. It’s fine, really. I don’t want this to turn into a big deal.” “What did you do when it happened?” Dick shrugs. “Nothing. My lab partner stopped talking to me, so I just asked to go to the bathroom and didn’t come back until the bell rang.” Bruce sighs. Middle schoolers are the worst, every last one of them. (Except for Dick, of course; he is perfect.) “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Kids can be cruel—especially at your age, when they start learning new words that they don’t understand the way they should. They think some words are insults or something to be ashamed of when they’re not. Most kids grow out of this. Too many don’t.” “People suck,” Dick mutters. “I don’t even know why they were saying all that stuff. I’m not...I’m not like that” Bruce bites his cheek. He’s going to have to be careful about this. “Dick, do you know what being gay means?” “Duh. It’s when two guys date each other. I’m not stupid.” “I know you’re not stupid. But gay can mean a lot of things. Men can like other men, just as women can love other women. Like Kate, for instance. Then there are bisexual and pansexual people who love all genders, and asexuals who don’t like either.” Thank god Bruce thought ahead and read some LGBTQ+ research books all those years ago when he first began to suspect that Dick wasn’t heterosexual. “And transgender is when someone doesn’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Sometimes people feel more like a man, a woman, neither, or both.” “...Okay?” “I just want to make sure you understand these things, because part of being a respectful person means respecting others for who they are. And if you don’t completely understand the label they identify as, then it’s your job to try and understand it the best you can.” “Why?” “Because too many people in this world judge others for things they can’t control, and that’s not right. No one should have to feel like they were born wrong. And I want to make sure you know this, that way you can be better than those who choose to hurt others for things they can’t control.” “Does that mean the guys who made fun of me are bad people?” “I’m sure they aren’t. They might just be confused because they don’t understand that being gay isn’t anything bad or dirty. The people in this part of Gotham...they don’t accept a lot of things. They think that being queer or a person of color means you don’t deserve respect, and that’s wrong. It was wrong of those kids to tease you and your lab partner the way they did.” Dick nods slowly. “I’m not gay.” “I know. I just want you to be aware of these things. And if you ever have questions or need to talk, you can always come to me.” He ruffles Dick’s hair. “Even when other people are nasty, remember that I love you no matter what, got it?” Dick shoves Bruce’s hand away and smoothes his hair back out, grinning. “Yeah, yeah. I got it.” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Thirteen Years Old -

What’s the difference between a growth spurt and a shark? 

Dick doesn’t have any sharks. “We’re home!” Dick announces. He and Alfred stumble into the house, their arms filled with all kinds of shopping bags. With Dick shooting up half an inch nightly these days, he’s growing out of his clothes at a rate even Bane would gawk at. Bruce and Alfred can barely keep up with the kid. “Want to see what I got?” “Show me, pal.” Bruce sets aside his tablet and pushes his reading glasses up on his head. (He does not have poor vision, thank you very much. Leslie just made him get a prescription as a precaution, that’s all. He’s still young by anyone’s standards, just ask Selina.) Dick starts pulling clothing out of the boutique bags, showing off every one of his new sweaters and pairs of Alfred-approved jeans. After ten minutes that Bruce desperately tries to look interested during, Dick pulls out what looks like a t-shirt that’s been sliced in half horizontally. The fabric is bright pink with a chibi whale on the front. “This one is my favorite,” Dicks says. His grin is blinding. Bruce stares for a long moment, his brain a lagging computer drive. “What is it?” “It’s a crop top. You know, like a belly shirt?” Memories from Dick’s Kim Possible phase flash in front of Bruce’s eyes. “Alfred let you buy that?” “Yeah?” Dick’s smile flags. He lowers the crop top, suddenly self-conscious. “Do you not...like it?” “You were supposed to get winter clothes, Dick. For cold weather.” “So?” “That’s clearly something you’re supposed to wear during the summer.” Dick pouts. “But I like it.” He holds it up against himself, twisting this way and that like an amateur model. “Sorry, kiddo. You’re not leaving the house in that until springtime.” “Oh, so Robin can wear tiny shorts in the winter, but Dick Grayson can’t wear a harmless crop top? I smell hypocrisy.” “Yes, because Robin has thermal leggings and a built-in heater in his uniform.” He looks back at the pink monstrosity, at Dick’s pleading eyes. “I would be open to negotiations if you’re willing to wear a sweater under it.” “That’s not how fashion works, B.” “I don’t care. You can wait until it gets warmer out to wear it.” “You’re such a drag,” Dick whines. He lifts his dozens of shopping bags and goes to leave, then turns right back around. “What if I wear a jacket over it and promise to keep it closed whenever I’m outside?” Bruce considers that. “Fine. But not below fifteen degrees, got it? And if I see you outside for even five seconds without the jacket, I’m confiscating the Xbox. Deal?” “Deal.” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Fourteen Years Old -

Something is different about Dick today. You’d think his boots were made of helium with the way he floats through patrol, and then smiles into his late-night milkshake like it did his homework for him. Bruce sits beside his Robin on the roof of Wayne Tower, silent for as long as he can bear before he can’t hold it back any longer. “Did anything interesting happen today?” “Huh?” Dick looks up as if Bruce pried him and his thoughts apart with a crowbar. “You’ve been...different. Happy.” “Am I not usually happy?” “No, you are. Just seems like you’re...extra happy, for whatever reason.” A blush dusts the kid’s cheeks. He sips his chocolate shake and shrugs. “Dunno. It was just a good day. Nothing special.” Yeah, and Bruce is a goddamn unicorn. Still, he knows better than to pry where Dick doesn’t want him. It’s a delicate thing. “If you say so.” “I got a hundred on my English essay,” Dick offers. It’s a start. “Was that the one on Grapes of Wrath?” “That was last month. We’re on Animal Farm now. It’s not my favorite.” “Yeah, I wasn’t a fan of Orwell either. Shakespeare was okay, but I preferred his tragedies over his comedies.” “Of course you did.” That makes Bruce laugh. He’s not worried; the two of them are high enough that no one can hear it. Bruce even has his cowl down, his face exposed to the cool air. “They had quinoa burgers at the cafeteria today.” “Mm-hm.” Dick is dodging something, beating around whatever bush he wants to talk about. Bruce can be patient while he figures it out. “And I spent some time with Barbara after school.” “Oh?” “Yeah. We walked home together and we took this old path through the park. Then we kissed.” Bruce chokes on his milkshake. He coughs, his sinuses burning and eyes watering. When he recovers, he says, “That’s...that’s great, chum.” “Yeah.” Dick can’t stop smiling, a true schoolboy in love. “And she asked if I wanted to patrol with her tomorrow night, but I said I needed to check in with you first.” “I don’t see why not.” It’s not like Bruce hasn’t patrolled without Dick before. Sure, he misses the company on the few days a week he’s alone, but he’s not about to deny Dick the thing he clearly wants. “You sure? You look...freaked out.” “No, no. That’s...great, that you kissed. Congratulations.” Awkward. He’s so fucking awkward. Stop being awkward right now. He doesn’t know why this is messing with his head so drastically. Bruce has listened to Dick moon over girls for the entirety of his pubescence, talking about them like they’re goddesses he’s forbidden to look upon, Barbara included. And Bruce has seen the way Dick and Barbara interact with each other in between muggings, always talking with their heads bent close like they’re the only two people in the world. Who would have thought Batman could be a third wheel? “I’ve liked her for a while now, but I didn’t know if she liked me back and I was too nervous to ask.” Dick’s face goes even pinker. “Kissing her was cool.” Part of Bruce’s brain jumps at the realization that, holy shit, Dick just had his first kiss, my little boy is growing up, what a milestone. The other part is far less happy about this new development. Yes, Bruce has seen Dick win brawls with men three times his size. He can fly the Bat-jet on his own, knows six languages, and is even leading his own superhero team. And yet, all Bruce can think is, no, not my little boy, he’s just a baby, Batgirl is corrupting his innocence and She Must Be Stopped. With great effort, Bruce holds it all back. He’s read the parenting books, he knows that it’s important to be supportive when they’re at this age. “Good to hear. I’m happy for you.” He pats Dick on the shoulder. “Thanks, B.” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Sixteen Years Old - “Hey, Bruce? Can I talk to you?” Bruce doesn’t look up from the metal flakes he’s testing. “What is it?” “I can come back later if you’re busy.” “No, I’m just analyzing some samples. I’m looking for residue from one of Zsasz’s blades.” Dick steps forward, tentative for once. “Need any help?” “I would like for you to come out with whatever it is you clearly need to tell me.” Dick snorts quietly. “Nice phrasing.” “What?” “I think I’m bisexual.” Bruce turns around, forgetting about the samples entirely. Dick’s arms are crossed over his chest, his eyes skipping between everything that isn’t Bruce’s face. At sixteen years old he’s finally tall enough that he doesn’t have to crane his neck to look at Bruce anymore. “You...think?” “I am. I’m bisexual.” “Okay.” “Is that cool with you?” The question shocks Bruce. “Of course it is.” Did Dick honestly think this would change anything? Has Bruce done something wrong, made Dick think that he wasn’t loved unconditionally? Dick squints, appraises Bruce’s reaction. “You knew, didn’t you.” “No.” “Bruce.” “I knew a little bit.” Dick rolls his eyes. The tension slips from his shoulders. His arms uncross. “Of course you did.” “Well, you weren’t exactly subtle about it.” “What the hell does that mean?” “Language,” Bruce chides, more out of habit than anything. “And do you realize how often you would come home after elementary school complaining about stupid pretty boys?” “That was just me being dramatic.” “I’m not disputing that. But they were still crushes, pal.” “I figured you thought it was just a phase.” Bruce shrugs. “Maybe for the first few days. But trust me, I have known you liked boys since you were a kid.” “Then why didn’t you just say so? It took me years to figure this all out, and you’re telling me you’ve been sitting on this info the whole time?” “Because this is your truth, not mine. I knew that you would tell me about it when you were ready. And you have.” Dick is clearly fighting a smile. He bites his lip instead, runs a hand through his mop of black hair that not even Alfred can wheedle him into combing anymore. “Well, I’m heading to the tower for the night, so don’t wait up, ‘kay? Kay. Good talk.” He goes to leave, but Bruce stops him. “Hang on. Why choose now to tell me?” Dick stuffs his hands in his pockets—an obvious tell. “No reason. I just...wanted you to know. Just in case.” “In case of what?” “Oh, you know.” Dick waves his hand in a gesture that clarifies absolutely nothing. “Life happens. People meet each other. You know how it is.” Bruce’s soul implodes. “You have a date?” “I never said that.” “You implied it.” “Real detectives rely on evidence, not theories.” Dick winks. “Tell me who it is. Are they a civilian? A hero? Do they come from a respectable family?” If it’s Roy Harper, Bruce might have to bury a body tonight. Especially after learning about Harper’s drug problem. Dick is too pure for someone like that. Or—heaven forbid—that Wally West kid. Dick is already walking away. “See ya, Bruce!” “You come back here, Richard John Grayson! Do I know him? Does he know your father is Batman?” Dick’s cackle echoes around the cave. “It had better not be a speedster!”

[mental-dilemma]

DATPT part 5

The boys have a conversation with Bruce before all hell breaks loose. 

we're gonna ignore the fact I haven't posted in months, for compensation can I give you an extra-long chapter? BTW yes I did finish editing this during class, I'm also not great with pranking siblings, and since this was the way to tell them bout Marinette/Ladybug I ran with it.

Read from the beginning:

1

2

3

4

“Ok, Damian, have fun.” Dick turned to his brothers. “Well, boys it looks like we’ll have the apartment to ourselves Damian’s staying with Marinette tonight.”

“And you're ok with that?!” Jason asked, shocked Dick would let their youngest brother stay over with his girlfriend.

“Oh don’t give me that they’re both eighteen now and something tells me Marinette’s parents will keep more than one eye on them. So what do you guys want to do tonight.” The three brothers had decided that this trip to Paris would also be family time, especially considering how they didn’t really get any of that during the year.

“Movie?” Tim asked.

“Which one.” Jason was not watching another

“How bout this one?” Tim picked up the box that Damian had left sitting out on the coffee table earlier that morning. Jason plucked it from Tim’s hands and began reading the title. “Night of the living statue. Are you sure this doesn’t even seem scary?”

“I mean there’s always the crowbar wielding clown we could watch.”

“Oh yeah, that one got burned a while ago.”

“Fair enough.”

“So Night of the living statue it is,” Dick said, already making the popcorn.

------------------

“No don’t go into the basement, oh come on!” Jason was yelling at the screen.

“Jason you know they can’t hear you right?” Tim said rolling his eyes, which were illuminated by the laptop screen sitting in front of him.

“I don’t care Replacement the fact they’re doing it goes against every bit of common sense, it just doesn’t make, well--”

“Sense?” Dick supplied walking back into the room with the third popcorn bucket of the evening.

“Exactly I just don’t get it!” Jason held out his hands and made a grabbing motion for the bucket Dick easily sidestepped him and plopped down between the two.

“Ok, Tim popcorns back computers off.” He said as he finished getting settled.

“But I’m almost in, five more minutes and we get authentic Wayne manor security footage, and that’s better than any movie.

“Rules are rules replacement you agreed to the trade so you have to deal with it,” Jason said munching on popcorn.

“He’s right, and anyway if you keep going at it we’re gonna get a call from Al-” Right on cue, the video call screen popped up on Tim’s computer. He groaned before hitting accept.

“Hey, Alf good to see ya ol’ buddy ol’ pal! How’s the good ol’ USofA?” He said in an overly perky voice.

“Master Drake if I might request you stop attempting to hack onto the Batcave system it would be much appreciated.” Alfred’s voice rang over the call.

“Just hacking into security footage, huh?” Dick said glaring at Tim, Paris was a no hero weekend and Tim just broke that.

“I uh… I’m gonna go.” He said ending the call, moving quickly he closed his laptop grabbed a handful of popcorn, bolted over the couch to the room he was staying in, and closed the door.  

“Well, that’s the last we’ll be seeing of him tonight,” Dick said moving to grab his phone. He opened up Alfred’s contact at called him back. “Sorry, Alfred he’s just itching to get a case. He’s gotten really bored seeing Paris like a normal person, well as normal as you can get given we’re Waynes.”

“Don’t worry about it I have one of those as well.” He panned his camera over to where Bruce was sitting cowl down at the computer in the Batcave. Dick and Jason both gave a small laugh.

“How is he doing?” Dick asked.

“Oh same as usual, sulking during the night, acting like a complete buffon during the day.” Jason laughed, Dick heard Bruce mutter through the phone, and Alfred brought the camera over to Bruce.

“Hey, Bruce how ya doing?” Dick asked innocently.

“How am I doing? Let’s see Richard, my sons hijacked the plane to go to Paris on a whim with no planning whatsoever, I got a call from Damian’s school that he was absent today. I'm also dealing with a very angry Italian ambassador, oh and with all the girls out on other missions I’m dealing with the entirety of Gotham and WE by myself for who knows how long. How do you think I feel?” The bags under Bruce’s eyes were more pronounced than usual as he berated his two older sons for a few more minutes, “now do you two have a reasonable explanation, or am I going to be feeding your asses to Harley Quinn for therapy sessions this week.”

“Damian has a girlfriend,” Dick said smoothly, Alfred and Bruce both paused, looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

“Please Dick if you’re gonna come up with an excuse at least make it a plausible one,” Bruce said while Alfred was attempting to compose himself in the background.

“I’m telling the truth, her name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She’s in his class and apparently, they’ve been dating for the last few months.”

“I’m going to search her up and if you’re lying to me it’s three therapy sessions with Quinn.” Dick shivered remembering the last time that happened, He had been suspended over a shark tank until he admitted he needed to start putting himself first. Bruce typed a few things on the computer and let out a sharp whistle. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

“See I told you,” Dick said smugly.

“That doesn’t change the fact that---” Bruce was cut off as they heard a scream come from Tim’s room.

“Sorry, Bruce gotta go check that out. Call you later.” Dick ended the video

following Jason to Tim’s room where they saw him sitting over his computer furiously banging on the keyboard.

“Woah Woah replacement if you keep that up then there won’t be any computer left to type with.”

“I don’t care! Someone cut the power and I was in the middle of checking Parisian crime records.

“Don’t freak out,” Dick said calmly, “I’ll go check the fuse box, you and Jason can go check the router. Ok?”

“Ok,” Tim said taking a breath. He put his computer aside and walked out of the room with Jason following him. Dick tried to call Damian to find out where the fuse box was, but for some reason couldn’t get a signal inside the apartment. He walked out onto the balcony waving his phone up wildly seeing if a bar would show up. He sighed as he brought his phone down. Nothing. As he turned to go back inside he felt a small pinch on his neck he moved to swat at it and he felt nothing. As he stepped forwards his eyelids began drooping, he stumbled and reached for the railing. He missed and before he slipped into unconsciousness he felt the bite of cold cement against his arms.

---------------------------------------

When Dick woke up the sun was streaming through the living room window. He felt a weight on his stomach and when he stretched his neck up he saw Jason was lying on him, with Tim lying on the top of the pile. He laid there a moment as the night caught up to him, he began formulating who would knock them out, and how he was going to get out of this dogpile when a sharp“Ahem” sounded from the doorway. Standing there was Damian in jeans and a shirt.

“Well, it looks like you guys had a blast last night,” Marinette said poking her head in. It was the first time Dick had seen her without pigtails, instead, she had her blue-black locks tied back in a messy bun and she was suspiciously wearing Damian’s sweatshirt.  

“You want to tell me why Father called me last night wanting to know all about my girlfriend and why I hadn’t told him about her yet.” Jason and Tim gave simultaneous groans of annoyance as Dick hopped up.

“Listen Damian I can explain,” He said stepping forward. He felt something hook his foot.  “What the--” he got out before red paint came crashing down on top of him. Jason and Tim, both awake now, shot up trying in vain to avoid the downpour only to stumble into more strings. Before anyone could blink glitter rained down from the ceiling sticking to the paint coating the boys. A camera flash later saw them giving the death glare to Damian as he and Marinette stood off to the side trying not to laugh.

“What. the. Hell.” Dick said as he wiped paint from his eyes.

“If you want to live Demonspawn you better hope that this paint comes out,” Jason said as he attempted to shake glitter from his hair.

“If Con ever finds that picture Jason isn’t gonna be the one you should be scared of,” Tim said dangerously low. Damian finally cracked and started laughing. Collectively the three batboys stopped and looked up in shock. They hadn’t heard Damian laugh before, sure they’ve heard the evil laugh and the Robin laugh but never his laugh, it was soft light, and infectious. Before long Marinette was laughing too, while Jason Tim and Dick were all smiling.  

“Ok you were right that was better than anything I could think up,” Damian said as he composed himself.

“Hey give some credit to Luka,” Marinette said, “He was the one who suggested glitter.”

Jason’s eyes widened as he realized that not only did Demon spawn pull a nonlethal prank, but Marinette was in on it. Not just Marinette but some kid named Luka too.

“Wait back up, you’re telling me you guys decided that you should knock us out, and then dump red paint and glitter on us?” Tim said blearily.

“Well, we couldn’t just come out and tell you,” Marinette responded.

“Well we could, but this is revenge for your little family trip,” Damian interjected.

“Tell us what? That you hate us with a passion? You’re an evil psychopath?”

“You know for a family of detectives you guys can be rather slow.” Marinette slammed a hand over her mouth realizing what she had said. “I’m sorry I didn’t me--”

“I love you so much right now,” Damian said gawking at her, Marinette blushed.

“Ok, will one of you two please talk to us rather than whatever,” Jason gestured vaguely to the two of them, “that is.”

“What color is the glitter?” Marinette said as she turned her attention from Damian. She sounded almost like a school teacher would when talking to children.

“Black…” The boys responded in unison.

“And what color is the paint?”

“Red.”

“So what’s red and covered in black spots.”

“Lady----- Oh for fucks sake,” Tim said slapping his hand on his forehead.

“There it is,” Marinette said triumphantly, a smile spreading across her lips. A few moments later Jason and Dick both gasped as the information finally sunk in.

“Why can’t anyone in this family be normal.” The second youngest Wayne lamented.

“Well, at least this means you can join my team and me on patrols. I bet that’ll make Paris a little more interesting.” Tim perked up.

“Woah. Woah. Woah. We can talk all that out later but you need to go get cleaned up before the paint stains the carpet.” Damian interrupted, he didn’t like the fact Marinette was talking about patrol with his brothers.

“I would like to remind you that this was your plan, Damian,” Dick said.

“It may be my plan but it’s someone else’s carpet now go.”

The three boys were shepherded to the bathroom while Damian and Marinette cleaned up the mess left in the living room. All three of them were rather impressed with the way the two of them had revealed Marinette’s identity, although it went unspoken how if anyone revealed it there would be serious consequences.

It took them over an hour to even begin making a dent in the glitter-paint combination that covered their bodies. Dick having been directly under the bucket had it the worst, with Jason coming in at a close second. Jason thought he had at least gotten out the stuff in his hair during his shower, only to look in the mirror and let out a quiet fuck. Dick gave him a questioning look, in response, Jason just pointed to his hair. Where his white streak was now stained a deep crimson. “This means war.”

Tag list (closed): 

@ur-average-reader @dast218 @allulily @acoursedprophetwithasmothie @k-laconia-bug1 @smolplantmum @g-arya @loysydark @mewwitch @itsemeanne @hauntedstudent99 @pawsitivelymiraculous @clumsy-owl-4178 @eeveeofstewjon @demonicbusiness @zotinha456 @t1dwarrior-of-earth @chocolateherringtacofan @abrx2002 @toodaloo-kangaroo @wannajointhecrabcult @miraculous-simmer7 @notmycupoftea26 @legodetectivemalsblog @fusser90 @ladyrwby @buginetye

[novelty--night]

Sick Fic

@daringyounggrayson I finally finished your request! (running fingers through sweaty hair x being led back to bed with patient whispers)

Characters: Bruce, Dick, and Alfred

"How is he?" 

Bruce asks as Alfred steps into the hallway and out of the bedroom. 

Alfred sighs as he readjusts the tray in his hand. The soup was half-eaten and cold. 

"His fever is still high, but it seems he has more of an appetite." Alfred sends him a pointed look. "Although, I am positive you can Master Dick himself on how he is doing." 

"I…" Bruce touches his broken ribs, still slightly sore. His mind flashes back to that night.

.

.

Poison Ivy had made another escape from Arkham. She went and destroyed another oil factory, destroying many Iives with it. 

Robin and Batman fought together as they avoid being plummeted by thick, green vines. One lucky vine manages to hit Bruce on the stomach. He winces when he hears a crack. He stumbles weakly on his feet when he hears a shout. 

"Batman, behind you!" 

Bruce spins around to see a giant pink flower bursting out of the ground. 

Everything else happens too quickly. 

Robin pushes Bruce away, grunting with the heavy weight. The flower burps out a yellow powder, clouding Dick in an opaque cloud. 

"Robin!" A scream stretches out of his throat. Poison Ivy flinches in surprise and has a glimpse of guilt before her expression cools away. She lifts a hand and the pollinated dust filters away. She takes a hesitant step back before she rides off on a vine. 

Bruce pays her no attention as he skids over to Robin. His Robin, who was choking on a scream, whose face already glistening with sweat. 

He comms Alfred and orders in a brittle voice to prepare a med eval.  

-

"I will send your dinner back to Master Dick's room where I expect for you to finish your plate."

Bruce fidgets. "But I-"

Bruce shuts his mouth when Alfred sends him a look that says there is no room for argument. 

He huffs out a breath and wraps his fingers around the doorknob. He closes his eyes and counts silently in his head and opens the door. 

Dick lays silently in his bed and his chest slowly moving up and down is the only thing that brings Bruce comfort. He sits on the spare chair next to the bed. 

He gently rakes through Dick's sweaty and matted hair. Dick grumbles and blinks his eyes open. 

"Hey, kiddo," Bruce smiles in greeting. 

"Bruce," Dick coughs out weakly. "Took you long enough." 

The man holds back a wince as he brushes back a lock of hair. 

"I was taking care of other priorities." 

Dick shifts his head so Bruce's hand falls flat in the air. Bruce clears his throat and drops it back onto his lap. 

"Right," Dick says after a moment of silence. "How's Ivy?" 

Bruce fingers the bruises on his knuckles. "Back in Arkham." 

Dick looks at Bruce in the eyes and his blues are foggy with fever. "That's not what I asked." 

Bruce glances away and he scratches at a scab on a knuckle. "A bloody nose and bruised eye. That's it."

Bruce quickly eases Dick up when he starts to cough heavily. 

"She didn't mean to." 

"I know." 

Bruce still remembers the guilt shining through her eyes as Bruce throws in a final punch. 

Bruce sighs and repeats. "I know she didn't."

There's a knock at the door and Alfred enters with a plate of food and medicine. 

"Here is your dinner, Master Bruce, and I do expect an empty plate when I return." Alfred turns to Dick. "And your medicine, Master Dick." 

Both Dick and Bruce move to argue, but Alfred clears his throat loudly. "I do not want to hear any arguments." 

With a pout, Dick swallows the medicine down. Bruce starts to eat, but at least he doesn't pull at the bottom of his lip.

"Master Bruce, I will be at the farmer's market early in the day tomorrow, so I expect you will be fine taking care of Master Dick for a couple of hours."

Dick sniffles loudly and grins lopsidedly. "I'll make sure he won't burn down the house, Alf," he says through half-lidded eyes. 

Alfred smiles gently. "Yes, I will put my trust in you." He moves to pull the blanket closer to Dick's chin. "Now rest, Master Dick, sleep is the best cure."

.

.

.

"Now, Master Bruce, there's soup on the stove with instructions on how to reheat it on the fridge. Please, make sure he takes the medicine 30 minutes after he eats."

"Yes, yes Alfred," Bruce rolls his eyes and smiles. "Now, go or you'll get stuck in the morning traffic." 

"I should be back within a couple of hours." He puts on his jacket and leaves. 

Bruce sets to the kitchen and reads Alfred's instructions. He still manages to slightly burn the soup, but it's better than he could've hoped. He puts the soup on a tray and carefully walks upstairs to Dick's room. 

Dick is still snoring gently. Bruce hates to wake him up, especially when he looks so peaceful, but Alfred did give him a rather strict schedule. Bruce places the tray on Dick's nightstand. 

"Hey, Dick," Bruce shakes Dick's shoulder. "It's time for breakfast." The young boy groans but blinks awake. 

"Here let me check your temperature." 

Dick turns his head already used to the procedure. 

Bruce puts the thermometer in his ear and takes it out when it beeps. Bruce lets out a sigh of relief. "It looks like your fever is finally going down." 

Bruce goes to grab the soup when Dick says, "Bruuuuce, can I please eat it in the study?" 

Bruce lets out a grimace and already feels his resolve breaking away. "Dick, I-"

"C'mon, Bruce, you gotta do some work anyway, right? The work which is in the study, rigggght?" Dick furrows his brows and juts out his lower lip. "Pleaaase, Bruce, I've been stuck in my room all week! I'm dying here!" 

Dick grins when he hears Bruce sigh. "Alright, fine, but you'll have to finish all of your food then." 

"You got it, captain!" 

Dick grabs a folder on his other nightstand and a pencil. Bruce grabs the tray and lets Dick go ahead. Bruce carefully watches Dick climb down the stairs and into the study. 

Dick plops onto the couch and Bruce sets the tray on his lap. 

"Remember to finish all of it." 

Both fall into silence as Dick starts to eat and Bruce goes over files for WE. 

Dick shows off his clean plate once he finishes. He sets it down on the small coffee table and opens the folder and takes a paper and pencil from the flaps. 

"What are you working on?" Bruce asks as he replaces one file with another. 

"A calcudoku," Dick answers as he scribbles on his paper. 

"A what?"

"It's similar to sudoku, but I have calculations to solve while thinking about what can go in the boxes." 

Dick sighs and erases something on the paper and writes something again. He looks over the paper with a furrowed brow. "I think I'm done. Can you check it over?"

Dick folds the paper into an airplane and flings it over to Bruce's desk before the man can answer. Bruce unfolds the paper and starts to check Dick's work. 

Bruce tries to hide his smile. He glances back up at Dick. The younger boy had already started on a new sheet. His hair is slightly damp with sweat and his tongue sticks out in concentration. "You have everything right," Bruce says with pride.

Dick grins at the response. Bruce lets out a breath of a laugh. 

Dick groans when he hears Bruce's phone alarm ring. 

"Please tell me that isn't what I think it means."

Bruce shakes the med bottle with a grim smile. 

"Aw, c'mon, B, do I have to take it? I won't tell Alfred if you don't." 

"Sorry, chum." Bruce rolls his eyes as he shakes two pills out. "Alfred's rules are law."

Dick's eyes start to shine and his bottom lip quivers. 

"Ah, put those eyes away. Those won't work on stuff as important as this."

Dick's expression immediately darkens. "They make me so drowsy," he says with a high whine. 

"Dick," Bruce replies with force. 

Dick sighs as takes the pills and swallows them down with a gulp of water. 

"Thank you. I know it sucks, but you just have to take it for a couple more days."

"I know," Dick softly replies with a tight smile. 

The next time Bruce looks back up from his files, Dick is fast asleep. The man smiles as he gets back up once more. Bruce brushes Dick's bangs gently away from his eyes. He cleans the papers back into their folder and makes sure to note to check the rest of the completed sheets. 

He groans only slightly when he picks the eleven-year-old. Small arms wrapped around his neck instinctively. Bruce shifts Dick gently making sure his head is cradled safely on his broad shoulders. Bruce winces when Dick moans quietly. 

"Go back to sleep, chum," Bruce whispers over his shoulder. "I'm just taking you to your room."

"I can walk on my own." But Dick makes no move to slide off Bruce's back. 

Bruce huffs out a laugh. "Sure, kiddo."

"You're lucky you're comfortable." 

Bruce laughs again while shaking his head. 

Bruce quietly climbs up to Dick's room. He tucks the blanket around his shoulders. 

Bruce goes to leave but a small hand quickly wraps around his wrist. 

"It's not your fault, B," a small voice croaks out. 

Bruce freezes and doesn't turn around. The hand around his wrist feels so small. Bruce still remembers clasping it tightly while Dick lay unconscious in bed. "You were unconscious for two days," Bruce chokes out between gritted teeth. He still feels the fevered hands and hears the labored breathing. 

Dick takes a breath as if he’s the one who’s looking for patience. "I'm getting better now. I have my appetite and everything." 

Bruce finally turns around and says exasperatedly, "Dick!" 

"Bruce," Dick replies in the same tone. His eyes, still foggy from sickness, somehow shine clear. "I'm fine." The young boy glances down at the wooden floor, all of a sudden shy, and glances back up at Bruce. "Just stay with me, okay?"

"Okay." 

Bruce sits at the cushioned seat near Dick's bed. 

"I still don't think it's your fault."

Bruce doesn't reply this time because how is going to explain to this young boy that it's on Bruce's shoulders to make sure nothing ever harms Dick? That if something does, Bruce isn't sure if he can handle it. 

A book lands on Bruce's lap, breaking him out of his turmoiling thoughts. 

Bruce picks it up and smooths the cover. 

"Is this the French version of Robin Hood?"

Dick nods and answers with a shrug, "I wanted to learn a new language. Read it out loud to me. It'll be good oral practice." 

Bruce opens to where a page is dog-eared. He is pretty sure that he is completely butchering the language and stumbles on one too many words, and Bruce is positive that once Dick gets better he's totally going to make fun of him, but Bruce doesn't really mind. Bruce continues to read softly even after he hears quiet snoring because he knows if he stops Dick is going to wake up and demand Bruce to continue. 

.

.

Alfred comes home and the first thing he does is to check on his two charges. He opens the door in a way he knows it isn't going to squeak. The old man smiles when he finds both of them fast asleep.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

The gang on their wedding days

[Been meaning to post this one for a while — since I’m applying to get married today, now seems like the time.]

Jake steps into the room like a child wandering into his parents’ dinner party.  His bow tie is askew, seams of his jacket misaligned for all that it’s a custom-tailored tuxedo.  If the buttons of his shirt aren’t one hole off from their intended placement, they still manage to convey that impression from across the room.

Rachel feels a rush of affection for him, her first best friend.  The boy who’d run and fought and splashed through mud with her, back before adults started telling her to be careful of her dress and him to be careful of her.  Only he could show up to his own wedding looking like he’s ready to be expelled at any moment.  Only Jake.

And yes, she gets mushy at weddings.  Sue her.

Tom steps up next to Jake, far more elegant in an off-the-rack suit.  Some people actually got the fashionable genes in this family.

Rachel surges across the room.  Tom gets a quick hug, and then she turns all her attention on Jake.

“You only have to look nice for the next three hours,” she tells him briskly.

“Three.  Hours,” Jake repeats.

With expert motions she realigns his… everything, until at the very least the clothes are sitting the way the tailor intended.  She tries to finger-comb his hair, thankful for the heels that put her at an inch above his height, but it’s obvious that he has also been running his hands through it and the style is hopelessly deformed.

“You can survive anything for three hours,” Rachel says as she does all this.  “I’ve seen you do it.”

“But if I mess it up—”

“Then stop, go back, and do whatever it is over.  We’re not exactly on a time pressure, here.  Nobody’s gonna die if you trip at the altar or forget your lines.”

“Okay.”  He stuffs his hands in his pockets, deforming his jacket again.  “Okay.”

She can see him starting to relax as he glances around, shoulders coming down.  Cassie’s place isn’t quite like they remember — it’s been repaired since the war, the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic expanded to nearly five times its original size — but it still feels as close to home as any place does.

“Have a glass of water,” Rachel says.

“But what if I have to pee during the ceremony?”

She rolls her eyes.  “Babysit him,” she mouths at Tom.

Tom gives her a gesture in response that approximates What do you think I’ve BEEN doing?  Whether he means the last four hours or the last twenty-six years is, really, a moot point.

Rachel leaves him to it, and charges off to go check on the others.

************

Marco leans against a tent pole, trying to roll one of the rings across his fingers the way Vegas poker players do with chips.  So far it’s not going well.

“Canapé,” Ax is saying carefully.  He attempts to lean next to Marco, nearly going all the way over.  “Can-nap-peee?”

“Uh, no.”  Marco catches the ring as it makes its third or fourth bid for freedom, stuffing it back into his pocket.  “That…”  He tilts his champagne flute to point.  “…is a canopy.  Or a chuppah, I guess.  Canopee.  Canapay is the little pastry thing you’ve already filched in bulk, don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“Ah,” Ax says.  And then, “This temperature and rate of precipitation is within optimal survival parameters for humans, is it not?”

“Nuh-uh, Ax-Man, I will not be pulled in by your smooth small-talk skills.”

“Did you not wish to make conversation?”  Ax frowns.  And then he stuffs another canapé in his mouth.  “This is making conversation,” he adds through the mouthful.

Marco squints.  “Is it, though?”

“It is indeed.  Did you know that the rotating-wheel can opener was patented in 1870?”

Marco’s response to that one gets cut off when Rachel comes charging across the open tent space like a small freight train.  Tobias is balanced on her shoulder, flaring slightly as she runs.  She yanks the champagne flute out of his hand.  Marco makes a squeak of protest, but Rachel just sets it firmly on a bussing tray and turns back to glare at him.

“What did we agree?” she asks sternly.

Marco rolls his eyes.  “That I’d stay sober-ish for the toast, and not do anything too embarrassing.”

“You’re the best man.  You have one job, Marco.”

“Excuse you, the best man’s one job was that banger of a bachelor-slash-ette party we did Wednesday night.  Did you like the part where we all dived out of a helicopter and flew clear through the lower atmosphere to that rooftop bar?  Because—”

“So you got the drinking out of your system.  You promised.”

“Sober-ish, come on, it’s just one wine-spritzer-thing!”

Rachel turns away from him, looking Ax over.  “You realize you’re going to have to demorph and remorph at some point before the ceremony, right?” she asks.  “And that when you do, someone’s going to have to go through the whole kit and caboodle of getting you into that tux all over again?”

“Yes,” Ax says.  “Yes, I do.”

She stares at him.  He stares back, looking as innocent as it is possible to look while also chewing three jalapeño pastries at the same time.

«You should probably just listen to her,» Tobias suggests.  «By the way, where’s your date?  Not that I quake in fear for the wedding cake or anything, but, uh…»

“Menderash has been instructed not to eat anything on a human plate without seeking my opinion first,” Ax says, somewhat stiffly.

“Yeah,” Marco says.  “So far he’s only eaten two earthworms, a candle, some decorative sand, and part of Collette’s bouquet.  You two have nothing to worry about.”

“Part of Collette’s bouquet?” Rachel demands.  “We can’t send a bridesmaid up the aisle without—”

“Already replaced it, I am on top of this.”  Marco flips his hair back from his face.  “I am a flower master.”

«So where is Menderash now?» Tobias asks.

“Helping Cassie’s mom,” Marco explains.

«And Cassie’s mom is…?»

“Delivering a baby cow.”

Rachel makes a noise like she’s choking on air.  “Doesn’t Michelle have vet techs for that kind of thing?  She’s supposed to be getting ready, not, not…”

“It’s cool,” Marco says.  “She’s got her makeup on, her hair is done perfectly, she’s got an apron-thing to keep her dress nice and gloves over her nails, it was a breech birth so they needed a real doctor and Walter was busy supervising the caterers, she’s got Menderash and Steve helping her out—”

“She kidnapped Jake’s dad?” Rachel demands overtop the continuing babble.

“He said he had never delivered an offspring outside of his own species before, and expressed deep curiosity on the subject,” Ax offers.  “Menderash is a certified medic with andalite training, so they should be well-equipped to assist.”

Marco makes jazz hands in the air.  “It’s a free pre-dinner show!  Cow birth.  Better than icebreakers.”

There’s a very long pause.  Rather than dignify that with a response, Rachel turns and stalks away.

Marco watches her go, halfway awed at her ability to navigate an open yard so well while not only wearing six-inch heels and a multi-layer floor-length dress, but also balancing an enormous updo on top of her head and a red-tailed hawk on her left shoulder.

“Is it just me, or did Jake and Cassie make a monster when they asked her to be maid of honor?” Marco says.

«You wanna take over her responsibilities, then?»

Of course Tobias heard that.  Stupid hawk hearing.

“No thank you!” Marco yells after them.

Cassie, meanwhile, is currently picking her way across the open space under the tent, bunches of dress hiked up to above her knees.  This last is, of course, the source of Rachel’s consternation.

“Here.”  Rachel attempts to pull the wads of skirt out of Cassie’s hands and drop them back to the ground.  “You’re going to wrinkle it.”

Cassie stubbornly refuses to let go.  “You told me not to let it drag on the ground.  If I let it down, it’ll drag.”

“Cassie, Cassie.  That is a hand-tailored Christian Dior gown that I commissioned to be custom-fitted to your measurements.  There is no way that it is too long if you let it…”

Cassie drops the bunches of tulle.  The end of the skirt falls all the way down, where the bottom two inches rest, unmistakably, on the muddy ground.

Rachel somehow manages to wince with her entire body while also not moving at all.

«It’s a look,» Tobias suggests, by way of consolation.  «Kind of.»

“How…?”  Rachel peers closer at Cassie.  “Wait, where are your shoes?”

Cassie shrugs, embarrassed.  “Uh, inside somewhere.  I was having trouble balancing in them.”

“Well that’s why!”  Rachel’s emphatic gesture almost dislodges Tobias.  With years’ experience, he dodges her waving arm and retains his perch.  “The dress was tailored to fit you with shoes on.”

“They were getting stuck in the grass—”

“They’re kitten heels!”

“Yeah, and they’re still heels.”  Cassie looks stuck somewhere between amusement and embarrassment.  “I don’t really do heels.  Sorry.”

“Hey Tobias?” Rachel says, as if to thin air.

«Nuh-uh, leave me out, I want no part in—»

“Remember me telling Cassie that we should really try the whole outfit on before the wedding?”

«Uh.  Yes?»

“Do you also remember Cassie agreeing to it, and then the day of, haring off to go try and save a bunch of vultures instead?  Remember how we tried to reschedule, and there was that ALF mission on the same day so she never showed?  Remember that?”

Cassie clears her throat loudly.  “I think it’s a very nice dress.  It’s fluffy and also comfortable, and look!”  She tucks her hands away.  “It has pockets.”

«Vultures are actually fundamental for waste disposal in ecosystems all over the world, and the poisons used on livestock—»

“Do you think you could at least wear the shoes long enough to go up the aisle?” Rachel asks.  “And maybe even for a few photos as well?”

 “Uh.  I’ll try.”  Cassie hikes her skirt back up (Rachel full-body winces again) and starts picking her way across the lawn back toward the house.

“There’s no way I’m going to be able to un-wrinkle it in time,” Rachel mutters.

«Yep.  So you’re just going to have to live with it.»

“I hate living with it.”

«Wanna go check on whatever monstrosity of a replacement bouquet Marco probably inflicted on Collette?»

“Fine, fine.”

**************

Cassie walks up the aisle in a custom-tailored gown, an edelweiss and valerian flower crown, and slightly muddy Timberland work boots.  The sole on the boots is apparently tall enough that the skirt does, not, in fact, drag on the ground or get tangled in her feet.

«Somewhere out there,» Tobias comments, «Christian Dior is crying into an overpriced silk handkerchief and doesn’t even know why.»

Marco has never more deeply felt the utter unfairness of Tobias being able to use thought-speak while human, because they’re currently standing at the front of the aisle and he can’t even respond.

But Rachel should still count this one as a win.  The gown looks stunning on Cassie, lacy and princess-ruffled while also having the kind of practical cut that allows her freedom of movement.  And, Marco notes with a smirk, freedom to wear her morphing leotard underneath; the purple spandex is just visible peeking out from underneath the white silk neckline.  He’s got morphing clothes under his own tux — never leaves home without ‘em — so really, he can’t judge.

Plus, Michelle’s got her dress and just her dress on by now, and her locs are still tucked into their silver-beaded updo.  Really, the cow birth was just a momentary inconvenience.

“Hi,” Jake whispers, when Cassie reaches him.

She grabs his hand.  Then she stuffs her bouquet into one of his jacket pockets, and grabs his other hand.  “Hi,” she whispers back.

“This is pretty exciting, huh?”

“Yep.”

Ax clears his throat delicately, and they stop talking.

“There is an Earth tradition,” Ax says to the entire assembly, “that the captain of any ship may perform a wedding ceremony at will.”

In the front row of seats, Michelle laces her fingers through Walter’s.

“Although there is no legal precedent for this custom,” Ax continues, “it is nevertheless possible to become ordained as a wedding officiant if one just completes the proper applications.”

One of Jake’s great-aunts mutters something loudly about the lack of rabbi.  Sarah leans over and kicks her in the ankle.  Rachel beams her approval.

“Therefore, I am here to make official through human custom that which has already been forged through affection and respect.”  Ax looks from Jake to Cassie and back.  “The bond between warriors who have fought and faced death together can be neither lessened nor improved upon by mere ceremony.  The honor shared between two such beings who have chosen to risk loving each other in spite of knowing the reality of loss is one that we recognize today.  We can recognize it, but not sanctify it beyond the sanctity of what these two humans have already shared.”

Rachel lets out an audible sniffle.  Marco does his best not to smirk at her.  It’s not that sappy a speech.

“I have been assured that the bond between two humans who like each other far exceeds the bond between those who merely enjoy each other’s company,” Ax says.

And now Marco has to fight the urge to bang his head against the nearest support pole.

“I have witnessed this myself.”  Ax stares around the room.  “I have witnessed compromise and forgiveness, compassion and challenge between these two.  I therefore believe it is correct and proper that this bond be formally recognized by the State of California.  Is there anything you would wish to add?” he says to Jake and Cassie.

Cassie leans up on tip-toe.  Jake bends to meet her.

She whispers her vows into his ear, not bothering to share with the rest of the gathering.  After a moment, tears on his face, he leans in and whispers back.

Recognizing his cue, Marco grabs the rings and passes them over.  They’re boring-looking, in his opinion, plain silicon bands without anything shiny.  But they’re also easy to morph, easy to shovel manure while wearing, easy to wear without catching on anything.  Very Cassie.  Very Jake.

Speaking of which, the Timberlands prove to be a good call.  When the time comes, Cassie stomps the shit out of that ceremonial glass.

**********

In a slight break with tradition, Rachel and Tobias are actually the first ones to go back down the aisle.  Then Marco wheels Collette out, followed by Tom and Melissa, then Jake and Cassie go.  That way, Rachel’s got time to sprint back over to the main tent and check on the banquet.

Most of the tables are arranged correctly, the centerpieces in place and the cards arrayed.  Rachel does a mad sprint of the room, straightening decorations and confirming with the caterers that they got all the instructions about who needs what in their diet.  Between the number of kosher eaters on Jake’s side and the number of vegetarians on Cassie’s, Rachel made the call to go all the way to a fully vegan buffet.  That’s probably going to get some of the relatives complaining about kids these days and rabbit food, but there’s no pleasing everyone.

Rachel deftly switches a few of the placecards, thereby putting Jordan on point to deal with their great-aunt and grandmother who have both already overindulged at the open bar, muttering an apology as she does.  She puts Tobias to work making sure the bows on the backs of chairs are straight, and rushes up to the long table at the front to confirm that the armless chair meant to accommodate Cassie’s bulky skirt is in the correct place.

D.J. is here, playlist at the ready.  Dance floor is clear of grass.  Weather’s holding, but tent covers are on standby.

Slightly sweaty, she rushes back out with a chair under each arm just in time to catch the guests coming across the lawn.

“Everyone except the parents, head off to the cocktail hour!” she calls.  “Jake, Cassie, moms and dads, with me.”

While Marco’s date (a photographer named Dakota) sets up the camera, Rachel goes into a flurry of motion straightening bowties, adjusting hairdos, and touching up makeup.  Steve’s got a spot of cow blood on his forehead, she discovers to her horror, and by the time she’s done scrubbing that off Jake’s managed to get his tuxedo jacket misaligned again.  Finally she steps back, breathing hard, and nods to Dakota.

Everyone smiles.  The camera goes off.

“Okay.”  Rachel claps her hands loudly, because Jake and Cassie are looking ready to stand up and go join the reception.  “That’s one down, just twenty-three to go.”

********

Rather than tossing her whole bouquet all at once, Cassie picks it apart and gives a single flower to every single guest she can find.  When the bouquet itself runs out, she disassembles her flower crown and hands that out piece by piece until everyone’s got at least one blossom.  It just seems fairer that way, she says when Rachel asks.

Several of the traditions, Rachel reflects, seem to be lost on Jake and Cassie.  They cut the first piece of cake… and immediately hand it to Ax.  And then they cut the second piece, and the third piece, and keep right on cutting slices of cake and handing them out to people until Rachel has to step in and wrest the knife away.  She’s grateful that they refrain from any of the food-fighting nonsense, since both their wedding outfits are headed to a charity auction first thing tomorrow morning, but honestly.  They’re supposed to eat the first two slices, not drop half a tier of cake into the black hole of hungry andalite.

Cake served, Marco clinks a fork against a glass.  “Ladies, gentlemen, and proletariats!”

There’s a general murmur as people look around, trying to spot who’s speaking.

With a hand from Jake, Marco climbs bodily onto the banquet table.  “Everyone!” he shouts, and now they’re all looking at him.  At him, and at the champagne flute in his hand.  “Jake and Cassie!”

It gets a polite round of applause.

“Gotta start at the beginning, right?”  Marco looks around the room, grinning.  “So there I am, some snot-nosed three-year-old, minding my own business.  And this chubby, dorky-looking little white kid comes running up to me and is like…”  He leans in.  “‘You wanna be my best friend?’”

He grins at Jake, who is flushing bright red.

“I shit you not, that was his opening line.  ‘You wanna be my best friend?’  So I’m like…”  Marco pantomimes reeling back in shock.  “I dunno man, seems like a lot of commitment to make to a total stranger.  You want explore our options first, maybe get a prenup, see if we’re compatible?  I mean, for all I know five years from now you’re gonna find some younger, hotter best friend and then there I’ll be out on my ear with nothing to show for it.”

There’s a smattering of laughter throughout the room.  Marco visibly draws strength from it.

“But you know what?”  Marco leans down to look around, smiling like he’s got a secret.  “Little dork kept right on showing up to my house and letting me use his television and getting his mom to give me fluffer nutters, and next thing I know it turns out he really is my best friend.  I think he was onto something.

“Anyway, you think that one was bad…”  He raises his eyebrows.  “Couple years later, there we are in first grade, and this girl in teeny-tiny first-grader overalls comes into the room like…”  

Marco claps one hand over the top of his champagne flute and clamps the other under the base, and actually walks a few steps down the table with the determined air of a very small and klutzy version of Cassie.

“And her opening line is…”  Marco raises the flute to his mouth like it’s a microphone, dropping his voice.  “‘You wanna see my moth?’”

Again, there’s a smattering of laughter.  Cassie has a hand over her mouth, halfway doubled over in giggles at the memory.

“Now, us being minuscule and all, I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that there was no double entendre going on here,” Marco says.  “And I have to admit, no one has used that line on me since.  So I say ‘sure,’ because I’m like six years old and this seems like a reasonable question.  She lifts her hand up…”

Marco accompanies this with a pantomime of peering through his own fingers into his champagne.

He looks up.  “And it’s not even a freaking moth!” he cries out.  “Turns out, it’s just some little worm thing.  So I tell her.”  He puts on a snotty voice, mocking his younger self.  “‘That’s not a moth, that’s just some little worm thing.’”

There’s a pause.  Marco glances around the room.  “See if you can tell where this story’s going.”

Marco and Cassie glance at each other.  Cassie’s grinning smugly.

“She puts it in the classroom’s terrarium,” Marco drawls.  “It turns into a rock.  Two weeks later, rock cracks open and out pops a moth.”

The room cracks up again.

“So fast forward another few years, and she’s standing there holding this eight-eyed, venom-fanged thing.  And she’s all like ‘just touch the spider, Marco.  Don’t you want to be a spider, Marco?  Isn’t it cute and fuzzy?’  As if she is completely unaware that she’s holding a giant-ass eight-legged freak.”  Marco takes a sip for strength.  “And right then, I look at Jake.  And I’m thinking Jake, don’t ever let this girl go.  Because if she doesn’t even think wolf spiders are ugly, then she’s got no idea about you.  So here’s to Jake and Cassie.  Made for each other, because no one else will have ‘em.”

Jake pokes Marco in the ankle, but he’s laughing as he does it.

“All right,” Marco says, “brace yourselves, and someone get some more tissues for my second mama, because I’m about to get sappy.  I love you, Jean!” he calls.  “I know we all gotta cry it out sometimes.”

She laughs and flaps a dismissive hand at him, but she’s also misty-eyed already.

“Dudes, I gotta be honest.”  Marco is looking at Jake and Cassie.  “I didn’t think we’d get here.  I honestly did not believe, for a good long while there, that there were gonna be any weddings or graduations or driver’s licenses in any of our futures.  Just seemed like a good idea not to bet on any of us having any futures, you know?  Seemed like it might be the surest option.”

Cassie laces her fingers through Jake’s.  Silently, her mouth pressed into a line, she nods.

“So, uh.”  Marco sniffs, spinning back around and thrusting his champagne flute into the air.  “Here’s to me being wrong, yeah?”

“To Marco being wrong!” Jake echoes, and tosses back his glass.

“To Marco being wrong!” the entire room calls back.

Marco jumps back down, Cassie and Jake catching him as he lands.

**********

After everyone but Menderash and Ax has finished eating, it’s Tom who becomes the next one to tink a fork against a glass for attention.

“In the spirit of full disclosure,” he tells the room, strolling slowly toward the head table.  “I promised my brother there wouldn’t be a horah.”  Tom stops, directly next to Cassie.  “But what he didn’t know is that I’d already made a promise to my new sister-in-law that there would be.  So what’s a guy to do?”

He snaps his fingers.

At this cue, several things happen at once.  The DJ switches to “Hava Nagila.”  Several people mob Jake at once.  Tom grabs Cassie and lifts her bodily over his head, carrying her chair and all to the middle of the dance floor.

With a squeak of laughter, Cassie grabs the top of Tom’s head for balance.  Jake is being hauled out next to her on a chair of his own, supported by Tobias and Menderash and Rachel and James.  Marco and Ax are herding the rest of the gathering, shoving people into a circle and linking arms together as they go.

“I hate you!” Jake calls over the sound of the music and his own fit of giggles.

“Gotta keep the in-laws happy!” Tom yells back, unrepentant.

*********

“You sure you’ve got everything you need?” Rachel asks.

Cheyenne, the head caterer, gives her a double thumbs-up.  The staff are tipped and most are ready to go, having divvied up the several extra schaeffers’ worth of falafel and butternut squash puree and other entrees that Rachel’d set aside for them.  Melissa is set to take over tending bar from here, as planned, and she’s going to keep the groomsmen after for a few minutes for cleanup duty.

“Okay.”  Rachel glances around at where the last of the countertops are getting a quick once-over with disinfectant.  “Okay.  If anything comes up…”

“I have your number.”  Cheyenne smiles and nods.

Pushing back out of the room, Rachel heads for the gift table.  Everything looks like it’s in good order, but she wants to make sure it all gets packed up properly and that none of the cards get lost in the kerfuffle.  It’s mostly donation receipts, at Jake and Cassie’s request, but some of the traditionalists on both sides came with soup tureens or the like —

“Hey.”  Jake catches her by the arm.

Rachel turns to look at him.  “What’s wrong?  Is it the great-aunts?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  It’s all perfect.”  He’s smiling shyly.  “Thanks.”

“I need to check on the gifts,” Rachel says, because she’s a coward who doesn’t know how to do mushy conversations, especially not with Jake.

“The gifts are fine,” he says.  “It’s all fine.  Because you made it that way.  So… thanks.”

When he pulls her into a hug, Rachel can’t resist straightening his hair one last time even as she returns the embrace.  “You realize I do this for fun, right?” she asks, holding him at arm’s length and looking him in the eye.  “Like, I could’ve hired a wedding planner, but honestly why bother?”

He shrugs.  “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate everything.  All of it.  Without you, Cassie and I wouldn’t even…”

Then, because this is all getting too honest, Rachel links her arm through his and drags him onto the dance floor for, he’s about to realize, their middle school gym class’s favorite godawful square dance.

*********

When she has do-si-doed Jake within an inch of his life, Rachel tosses him at Cassie.  She pivots around and gives Tobias a flourishing courtesy; he returns it with an equally ridiculous bow.

“It is marvelous, how well they have adapted their balance to compensate for their lack of legs,” Menderash comments to Ax.

“Very true.”  Ax leans next to him against the bar.  They are currently sharing a delicious beverage Melissa has made for them, simply by unscrewing the lid from a nearly-empty jar of olives and handing over the remaining liquid.

It is true, some of the dancers are more talented than others.  Michelle and Walter are synchronized with each other and the beat of the music, even if their choice of moves is not nearly as audacious as the spinning thing Marco and Dakota are doing.  The bride and groom, meanwhile, are looking at their own feet and keep bumping into each other as they move.  Between their relative unconcern with anyone but each other and the broad hem of Cassie’s dress, the other couples are giving them a wide berth.

“Do you wish to attempt such feats?” Ax asks, glancing at Menderash.

Menderash gives a full-body shudder.  He flaps one hand in an andalite gesture that, if translated to English, would approximate fuck that.

Ax grins, drinking more olive juice.

“Have you done such a thing?” Menderash asks.

“Never for very long,” Ax says.

Jake and Cassie have given up on dancing entirely, descending into a giggle fit in the middle of the dance floor as they both attempt to disentangle Jake’s cuff link from the lace of Cassie’s hem.  Rachel swirls by, briefly blocking their view.  She’s switched partners.  Dakota is doing their best to teach Tobias how to waltz while Marco and Rachel are now swing-dancing their way across the dance floor.

As both andalites watch in awe, Rachel spins Marco in a circle, swinging him out and then drawing him back close to her body.  Marco pirouettes, throwing his head back so that his hair flares around his face, and then throws himself backwards.  Rachel catches him neatly around the waist, dipping him nearly to the floor.  Marco braces on her shoulders and she flings him upward with her whole body so that she actually lifts him off the floor for a second before gracefully sweeping him back down.  They separate until just the tips of their fingers are touching, and then spin back together until Marco suddenly swoops under Rachel’s arm, coming up on the far side as she pivots around in time fro him to fall back against her.

Ax is reminded of the way they fight.  There’s something almost joyful in their ferocity on the battlefield.  There’s something almost frightening in their enthusiasm on the dancefloor.  Neither of them seems to know how to do anything by half measure.

One by one the other clusters of dancers have stopped to watch as well.  Jake and Cassie, now sitting hopelessly tangled up in each other, seem quite happy to have the spotlight stolen.

Rachel swoops an arm around Marco’s waist and slides into a back-and-forth tango step.  Within two beats he’s caught on, falling into the same rhythm as her.  When the tempo of the song changes he grabs her shoulder and nudges her into a circular waltz.  They’re unrehearsed, and inexpert, but moving with such force and communicating so rapidly that it doesn’t really matter.

“Yes,” Menderash says softly, “I very much do not wish to attempt to dance.”

Ax smiles at him over the rim of the olive jar.  It’s empty, and in the time it takes him to set it back on the bar and catch her eye, Melissa has replaced it with maraschino cherry liquid.

The song crescendos; Marco leans his full weight back as Rachel flings him into a long spiraling turn that ends with him sliding on his knees clear between her legs, popping up behind her just in time to brace as she tips backward into him.  She spins once, twice, four times, then swings him into a dip so low that his hair brushes the floor.

As the song ends they freeze like that, chests heaving, hair damp with sweat.

They both seem to become aware at once that the whole room’s watching them.  Marco opens his mouth to say something, when Rachel’s smile turns wicked.  That’s the only warning he gets before she opens her arms and lets him drop.  Marco squawks indignantly, throwing out both elbows to catch himself.  He gets ahold of Rachel’s arm and tries to yank her down as well, but ends up pulling himself to his feet as well.

The whole room breaks out into clapping.  Marco sweeps into a low bow.  Rachel visibly considers pushing him over again before deciding against it.  Instead she runs to try and rescue Cassie’s hand-sewn lace hem and Jake’s antique silver cufflinks from their respective owners’ incompetence.

*********

“Hey Tobias?” Rachel says around a yawn.

«Uh-huh?»

Idly they watch as Tom waltzes Cassie’s grandmother around the dance floor.  She’s 4’11” to his 6’4”, so it’s pretty hilarious to witness.  But at least they’re not totally mismatched: each has a single sprig of valerian from Cassie’s bouquet tucked behind one ear.

She and Tobias are sitting on the ground at one corner of the dance floor.  Rachel’s got her shoes off to massage her aching ankles, and Tobias is perched back on her shoulder.  With clever motions of his beak he’s fishing the pins out of her hair one by one, dropping them into her hand as he slowly disassembles her updo.

“How do you feel about never, ever getting married?” Rachel asks.

Tobias drops another bobby pin into her hand.  «Best idea you’ve had all year.»

[elevatorelevenhatesyou]

Final Fantasy 14 Part 32: Yet More Gridanian Racism

Aw look, Brash is learning to read.

Are you seeing this shit? Alf went to go do something important, and Brash went and did nothing until he got back. Did you think I was joking about Alf being the real main character?

Alf has secured us a new hangout. Everyone gives Alf a big round of applause.

yeah he sure is great isn't he

When Minfilia's done sucking Alf's dick, she gives Brash a delivery job to Slafborn, one of the Revenant's Toll dudes who gave us a hand back when we were breaking into that Garlean fortress where Minfilia totally didn't get sexually assaulted for weeks on end. No I'm fuckin not fuckin letting that shit go, am I, FF14!

Slafborn's about to give us a tour and get Brash involved with the setting up of the Scions's new headquarters, but he gets interrupted by a phone call from Tataru telling Brash to come back because there's a job to do in Gridania.

Alright but this better be good.

It’s a new primal.

The new primal threat is moogles.

MOOGLES.

Gridania sucks.

Bit of a twist on it though. The legend goes that ages ago moogles lived in the sky but then that place turned to shit, so Good King Moggle Mog let moogles escape down to the surface, staying behind himself to hold the door open. So he was a great mythological figure, but the moogles have apparently summoned him like a primal.

Papalymo wonders why, given that Garuda and Ultima Weapon are gone and thinks maybe a new threat has cropped up, but little sister seedseer here says it's probably because of all this other calamitous shit happening in recent months, and how it's all been caused by and then solved by outside forces, so the moogles are probably feeling jumpy.

Gee if only we'd even attempted to involve the beast tribes in our big unified operation to fight the Garlean invaders who were coming to wipe out everybody. It WOULD have been a nice story beat to have all the human races but not the beast tribes get together to beat Gaius, then point out how racist that was by having the moogles get scared and feel left out and summon a primal. Except, Minfilia already brought up how we should totally find a diplomatic solution to the beast tribes summoning primals problem before, and then, as I've mentioned, nobody ever even attempts diplomacy with the beastmen at any point. The fact that this Right Answer was brought up but then immediately forgotten just makes this current bit feel hollow and hypocritical. It's starting to give me like 'shitty white people making excuses and trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for systemic inequality' vibes.

That feeling is definitely not helped when the writers have our buddy moogle say the moogles who are attempting to do something about the status quo have gone too far and now we need to put them down, which we do, and then completely do not address their concerns.

Don't worry, we're not being racists, they're being mind controlled by evil monster gods.

There's some discussion here about whether or not Mog actually is a primal, but he basically counts as one for now, so naturally Kan-E-Senna wants Brash to go murder him.

Sheesh, do you guys even know what a Diplomacy is? Fuckin Gridania, man.

Yeah sorry, this post has a bunch of shit about systemic racism again.

I'LL QUIT HARPING ON IT WHEN FF14 QUITS FUCKIN SAYING REALLY RACIST SHIT

Is anyone listening to this motherfucker? Am I the only one horrified by statements like this? Wow yeah what a terrible burden it was for you that you had to kill those guys. You poor baby.

Oh well shit I guess the king's a monster and all the other moogles are psychopaths now. Alright well fine guess I'll kill him after all, what the fuck. Are primals just ALL like this? Just, one hundred percent chance of xenophobia and supremacism?

So way later there's like some more stuff about the nature of primals revealed, and it turns out they're more created on the spot rather than summoned, and they're created from the thoughts and wishes of the people doing the summoning. So I guess, considering Moggle Mog is a shitty racist, the moogles are actually shitty racists too? Considering Ifrit, Titan, and Garuda, I guess ALL beastmen are shitty racists? Is there anyone in this story who isn't a shitty racist or a caricature of a shitty racist? Sheesh, it's like the deep south. Is it possible to summon a primal who isn't a shitty racist? Just asking because like right at the end of Heavensward we find an EXTREMELY GOOD REASON why we might be interested in having a primal on our side.

Anyway Kuplo takes us to the entrance and opens the way, and Brash goes in to fight Mog. Or rather Brash goes to hang out with her squad of hot girls for five minutes while waiting for the fucking duty finder. 

These wait times are sometimes short and sometimes extremely long. Crafting and sidequests exist so there's something to do while waiting for dungeons.

So Brash and seven other random people who happened to be nearby beat up Mog and his royal guards with particle effects. 

When he dies he disappears in a big cloud of aether just like a primal, so turns out he was indeed one after all, or at least close enough. 

Papalymo says it might be our definition that needs revising. That's good science, that is. You're alright, Papalymo, besides the racism.

I take it back. Fuck you for bringing them back into the story.

Yeah good luck with that shit you guys I'm goin home. and of course we do nothing about the moogles feelings of insecurity in a chaotic world. fuck’em, I guess.

Almost ready to leave for Revenant's Toll. Maybe now that the primal garbage and Alf's dumb pointless sidequest is out of the way we can do something interesting again. Minfilia is making final preparations to leave. Urianger's staying behind though and will keep using this place as a library or some such.

He waxes philosophically about moving on and looking back; about people who think themselves bold leaders but are really just recklessly diving into things they haven't looked into hard enough first. He's quick to back peddle a bit though and say Brash is nothing like that though.

yeah must be because of god, not like it could be my own accomplishment or anything huh

Then suddenly there's a scream. Brash rushes back to find Minfilia hurt on the ground. 

She starts to tell Brash what oh come ON

Once again, we get a vision telling us what happened that interrupts someone telling us what happened. Alright fine, this fuckin thing. So what is it this time?

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

“Don’t say that! Why do you always say that?!”dick and jason? preferably dick teasing jason and jason fighting back in typical sibling fashion

thank you!! this is kind of dumb lol but I couldn’t think of anything angsty so... this is what we’ve got lol (thanks Jin for the math idea!!)

---

“Whatever, little wing, someday you’ll understand trigonometry is wayyyy more interesting and stimulating and all around better than Romeo and Juliet,” Dick says, ruffling his hair on his way out of the dining room.

Jason groans in annoyance, bonking his head onto the table. “You have no taste!” Jason shouts through to the kitchen.

“Master Jason, please, inside voice,” Alfred says, grabbing up used plates.

“Sorry, Alf,” Jason mumbles, slipping out his chair. It’s still hard to leave his plate on the table, but he doesn’t want to annoy Alfred even more. He follows Dick into the kitchen, finding him raiding the pantry for a quick dessert. “Hey, loser.”

“Hello, nerd,” Dick replies, not looking back. “Want a twinkie?”

Jason might still be getting used to some things, but requesting food isn’t one of the things he’s hung up on. “Don’t we have anything less sugary?”

Dick tosses a granola bar over his shoulder, and Jason has to lunge to grab it before it hits the ground. He mumbles a thanks and tucks it into his pocket for later.

“Aren’t you gonna eat that?” Dick asks, finally choosing something and shutting the door. He turns to the island and hops onto one of the stools, opening up a cosmic brownie.

Jason joins him, making sure to leave a seat or two between them. He’s pretty sure Dick doesn’t like it when he crowds into his space. Shrugging, he says, “Yeah.”

“Well don’t wait too long.” He takes a huge bite. “Or you could have one now and one later.”

“I’m okay for now,” Jason says, and means it.

“Whatever you say, little wing.”

And that—there it is again. Dick has been calling him that since soon after they met, and he has no idea what it means. He’s pretty sure it’s an insult, considering he’s only said it in moments like these, when they aren’t quite getting along. At least, he doesn’t think they’re getting along? Dick always seems annoyed. He says, “Don’t say that! Why do you always call me that?”

Dick looks up, frowning. “What? Little wing?”

“Yeah,” Jason scowls, crossing his arms. “I’m not little!”

“Littler than me,” Dick says.

“Not for long!”

He laughs at that. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Listen, I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just a cute little name for a cute little brother.”

That’s the height of insulting as far as Jason is concerned. “I’m not cute!”

“You’re adorable, Jay,” Dick sing-songs, laughing again as Jason huffs and rolls his eyes.

“I’m leaving,” Jason declares, jumping off the stool.

“Absolutely precious!” Dick calls out, but Jason has the last laugh when Alfred admonishes him for being too loud.

[jay-the-angst-king]

Hero Info Pages Part 2

Something I’ve always found interesting are the hero info pages for Overwatch characters. There’s a lot of details in these clips that either set up a trend that follows the hero’s character, a trend about the overarching struggles in Overwatch, or seemingly have no foundation in the lore but most certainly can be entertaining to think about how it could fit in the lore. 

Part 1 can be found here.

Soldier is very straight forward, and we can see that in his Ultimate.

Tac Visor shows Soldier attacking Reaper first, then Widowmaker, then Hanzo. What I take from this is that Soldier prioritizes Talon above other criminals, and prioritizes Reaper above other members of Talon. I actually really like the composition of Reaper in front, Widow just outside of the circle, and Hanzo way off to the side, because this composition is half of why the clip is important.

For both the primary fire and the Helix Rockets, Reaper is the target. Soldier’s entire story and motivation is hunting Reaper down.

The clip for Soldier’s Biotic Field also confirms that he still has a sense of helping others and allies as he heals Tracer, Winston, and McCree. The location for all the clips is Dorado, which refers back to his cinematic, Hero, where he helped the little girl. Both of these things reinforces that Soldier is still a hero at heart even if he’s a “man on a mission” and that mission is Reyes.

Mercy’s hero info page is incomplete. That’s something to note. The clips are old clips and don’t change with updates to the game. Some abilities are not visually shown how they work. You just get a description and that’s it. For Mercy, there are no clips for her Ultimate Valkyrie, or her Resurrect ability.

With that in mind, there are still clips for her staff, blaster, and Guardian Angel which showcase other heroes.

Mercy uses Guardian Angel to fly up to Tracer, and she heals Tracer with her Caduceus Staff. When she uses left click, Tracer is attacking Reinhardt.

Now, I don’t particularly think that Angela has anything against Rein. I think this can be explained away as training or testing out new equipment because they are on Gibraltar.

However, I think that showing Roadhog rather than Reinhardt would have fit better for these clips considering that Mercy uses her Caduceus Blaster to shoot down Junkrat, a criminal.

Echo is the newest character in the game, and her hero info shows some interesting things.

Firstly, her Tri-Shot primary fire shows her attacking Tracer and Reaper. I can’t explain this as training since it’s in the same clip. Echo is not training with Reaper anytime soon.

So why is Echo attacking Tracer in this clip? Maybe it’s to show that Echo can lean one way or another depending on how she grows as a character. She is a constantly learning AI program. It can also be yet another metaphor for AI programs going rogue. Mina Liao, the scientist who made Echo, infused some of herself into Echo’s creation. Dr. Liao was also the one who created the omnics in the first place, and the omnics had gone rogue after years of mistreatment which started the Omnic Crisis.

Echo attacking both Tracer and Reaper could hint at more omnic uprising, or just another memory of the first Omnic Crisis and subsequent Omnic Uprising as seen in King’s Row.

Her Ultimate Duplicate is fascinating. From left to right, Echo is against Sigma, Doomfist, Tracer, Moira, and Roadhog.

Echo Duplicates Tracer, then shoots Roadhog for ult charge, and sticks Tracer to kill the other four. I’m not about to say that Echo dislikes Tracer. That’s just not what’s up here. Tracer is being used here because the community is very comfortable with Tracer, and Echo was new. They wanted to display this ult with someone they knew the community would understand.

That being said… What could this mean?

I think that we could read this clip as Echo accidentally killing or hurting a teammate. That would be awful and sad, but better than the second idea that Echo would sacrifice a teammate just to catch the criminals.

Her Sticky Bombs kill Sombra and Hanzo, and her Focusing Beam finishes Roadhog. This all takes place on Gibraltar, which I think helps accentuate that she’s new and learning. Route 66, where we first met her in the Reunion Cinematic, would have been a nice map to showcase her abilities, too, but they choose Gibraltar, probably to reinforce the fact that she is apart of the new Overwatch team thanks to the Recall.

Hey, Tracer, why are you shooting Zenyatta?

There’s two reasons I can place for Zenyatta being Tracer’s opponent when showcasing Tracer’s abilities. The first is the overarching theme of omnics versus humans, and that theme really permeates when shown repeatedly on King’s Row where we know Mondatta was assassinated and an Omnic Uprising occurred.

Her Ultimate only calls back to the Mondatta assassination as Tracer attaches a Pulse Bomb to Zenyatta, and it kills Widowmaker and Hanzo as well.

Widowmaker and Hanzo, you say? Widowmaker, the one who killed Mondatta, and Hanzo, another known sniper and assassin?

It seems to me that these clips are not meant to show Tracer’s allegiances, but more to continue the themes we see throughout Overwatch. These clips only hammer home the stories we already knew. A sniper killed Mondatta, a prominent speaker and activist, and King’s Row is home to omnic and human tensions.

Lucio has a whole info page about helping Overwatch, who will become his new friends. To start, Lucio uses Sound Barrier to gives shields to Tracer and Soldier.

There’s not much to say about that on its own, so let’s continue on.

Lucio uses both Crossfade and Amp It Up to heal and speed up Tracer, but he uses his Sonic Amplifier and Soundwave against Winston.

I think this is Lucio showing the Overwatch team his gear and how he can be helpful on missions with them. That would explain the full Overwatch hero cast in his clips. Lucio himself is a hero of his hometown, and we know with the upcoming Overwatch 2 that Lucio and the recalled team are buddies and working together. It makes sense that Lucio would take some time to show his new friends how his gear works.

Reinhardt is, thankfully, relatively quick to talk about.

His primary target in his clips? It’s Hanzo. Hanzo is a mercenary, an assassin, a criminal, but he’s not apart of Talon. The reason I say this is because Reinhardt is specifically attacking a criminal with no interest in Talon because Reinhardt was still working after leaving Overwatch. His work switched from fighting rogue AI and Talon to fighting regular criminals like Hanzo.

That’s doesn’t mean that he’s not going to attack Talon.

Reinhardt uses his Earth Shatter to stun Reaper, Hanzo, and Widowmaker, so he obviously will still attack Talon even if he’s no longer an Overwatch member.

Hardest thing to explain in these clips is the setting of King’s Row. Really, I think the only reason Reinhardt wasn’t placed on, say, Eichenwalde, was because Eichenwalde came out after the game’s release. So there just wasn’t a better map for Reinhardt at the time. Still, King’s Row isn’t a bad place considering that there was an omnic uprising there and Reinhardt was one of the heroes who went on that mission.

Ana... I love you, Ana, but what’s happening here? Ana’s clips are buck wild. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll add a Read More, since this is so long already.

I guess we start with Biotic Rifle. Firstly, she heals Reinhardt, and then she kills Soldier. When zoomed in, she heals Tracer, and only shoots Pharah twice, not enough to kill.

What a lot to unpack.

I think this shows that she’s good friends with Reinhardt, just as they have been for years. She is the only one of Reinhardt’s friends to apologize to him about faking her death after all. Attacking Soldier and killing him could be a sign that Ana and Soldier, though friends, do not share the same thoughts about something. My guess is that Ana thinks Soldier’s mission is too much for him, that she thinks he needs to stop before he gets himself killed. That does align with more recent releases where Ana is helping him but also checking him when Solder pushes too hard. Healing Tracer seems obvious since Ana is still a healer and Tracer is a well respected hero, but attacking Pharah is interesting. I think Ana attacking her daughter is actually a figurative way of saying that the two don’t get along. Ana doesn’t kill Pharah, just injures her, and I think this is there to show their strained relationship even though Ana still cherishes her daughter.

Much of everything after this is speculation. Like I said, Ana’s clips are wild.

Ana sleeps Zarya. Perhaps this is to show that Ana, an old soldier, is tired herself. I think targeting a younger soldier like Zarya implies that Ana thinks the fighting and wars are exhausting. Maybe this is Ana not so subtly telling the younger soldier that they need to take care of themselves, too, much like she gets on Soldier about him talking care of himself.

The Biotic Grenade is wild. She smashes the grenade at Lucio, Winston, and Roadhog to show the healing properties, but then uses it offensively against D.Va to show that Mercy can’t heal the mech. This entire clip has thrown me for a loop. I can’t particularly explain it.

Perhaps she heals Roadhog because Roadie was once a soldier in ALF, and she can not blame him or others like him who attacked omnics to defend themselves back in the day. Perhaps they might have met back then, which I think would have been interesting to explore. But then why hinder D.Va’s healing? Maybe she thinks D.Va, a 19 year old, shouldn’t be fighting on the front lines. Ana views her as a child, just like Soldier and Reaper do, and thinks that Hana shouldn’t have to fight wars for adults.

I think Mercy being the one healing D.Va is a reference to Mercy disliking how Ana uses Mercy’s research in a weapon like the Biotic Rifle. This puts them at odds with one another. On the other side, Lucio is likely there to show the amplified healing from the grenade, but maybe this also shows that Ana respects Lucio as a hero. Finally, Winston was an old friend.

Lastly, her Ultimate, Nano Boost. She Boosts Reinhardt, and Reinhardt kills McCree, Zenyatta, Tracer, and Soldier.

Ana deserves her own post at this point. Why are they attacking these four people? Ana just healed Tracer with her rifle not too long ago.  For this bizarre clip, I have no reasoning, so lets see what this COULD mean.

I could explain this as Overwatch tearing itself apart. In this case, four of the five people in this fight are Overwatch members, and that only leaves Zenyatta. Maybe killing Zenyatta here is the representation of harmony and diplomacy being broken.

Perhaps this is more about Ana and Rein than it is about the opponents. Maybe Ana’s faked death made Rein incredibly upset. Maybe this clip represents Rein never letting it go. Maybe Rein, for a while, blamed Overwatch (represented by Soldier and Tracer) and Blackwatch (represented by McCree) for her death. Again, Zen’s death would represent a lack of harmony.

Overall, these are my thoughts on this set of characters. There are still over half of the cast left, and I think the remaining Talon members are next.

[heyitsani]

Loving You is a Losing Game Chapter 1

@jaydick-week Day 2 fic: Fairytale AU

Word Count: 3,543

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Monsters and Magic

Pairing: Jason Todd/Dick Grayson

Summary: When Batman goes missing, Nightwing is called in to try and track the man down. What he finds at the spot Batman was last seen is something he's not sure he's equipped to deal with. But that doesn't stop him from doing what he has to in order to get Batman out. Even if it means becoming the poisoner of a strange shadow man in a Gothic castle hidden behind a wall of magic on the edge of Gotham.

Notes: This is my Beauty and the Beast AU set in the comics (sort of...I’ve changed some details and you’ll understand once it’s all done).  I’m not sure how many chapters this one will have but here is the first.  I just wanted to be able to post at least part of the stories I prepared for the week since I wasn’t able to finish any of them.

You can also read it on AO3 here

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

He felt the person before he heard them, and the presence alone was enough for Dick to tense up in ways he’d rather not admit happened.  This was not a confrontation he was in the mood for at the moment, but apparently he was going to have to have it none the less.

“Deathstroke,” he said flatly, turning to look at the other man standing a few feet away in his familiar orange and black gear.

The white-haired man gave a smirk that boiled Dick’s blood, but he refused to react.  “Nightwing, how lovely to see you tonight.”  Dick never understood why Slade kept up the pretense of these meetings being unplanned.  They weren’t.  He might be oblivious to many things, but when a predator is stalking him has never been one of them.  He was well aware of what Slade was doing when he appeared out of nowhere.

“Is there something I can do for you tonight?  Or are you just here to get in my way.”

“Just curious how my favorite Little Bird was doing,” the man said as he leaned against the brick wall that held the door to head down into the building he had made his perch for the night.  “I’ve heard some interesting rumors over the past couple of months and I wanted to see if they were true.”

This was a dangerous game, Dick knew that.  He should just ignore Slade and head to a different spot in hopes the man would leave him alone, but his curiosity was also burning.  What kind of rumor could Slade have possibly heard involving him.

Sighing, Dick turned to face the man.  “And what rumors are those?”  He took the bait.  He frowned when Slade’s smirk turned predatory and made Dick want to take a few steps back to get more space between them.  Despite there being about ten feet already.

“Nightwing hasn’t been seen in Gotham for almost half a year.  And the hero community is wondering why the Titans have lost their leader suddenly.”  Rolling his eyes behind his mask, Dick crossed his arms over his chest.  “Now…you fighting with Daddy Bats isn’t all that strange, but six months?  When there’s still the little Robin running around not fully trained?”

Dick didn’t point out that Damian was Batman’s own son and had been trained by the League of Assassins. He was more trained than any of them had ever been.  And he made sure to point it out frequently to Tim.

“And that you have left behind your precious Titans?  Now that’s surprising.”  But Dick knew he no one other than the team knew why he had separated himself from them and they all accepted it.  He hadn’t been ousted or banned.  He had left because he had needed to.  “Are you isolating yourself, Little Bird?”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

Slade shrugged and pushed away from the wall, taking a few long strides to close some of the distance between them.  “Seems to me that you are pushing away everyone in your life, Kid.  Perhaps you’re ready for your true destiny?”  Dick frowned.  “Join me.  You know it’s inevitable.”

Dick laughed. Actually laughed at the words and shook his head.  

“Dream on, Slade.  I say it every time you bring it up,” Dick reminded him, uncrossing his arms.  “Until the world has burned, I will never join you.”

“Don’t tempt me, Kid.”

Instead of responding, Dick just rolled his eyes and took a step back off the edge of the roof, free falling for a moment before shooting off his grapple in the direction of where he had parked his motorcycle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Agent A,” Dick said into his comm when he heard Alfred’s voice bleeding through.  He was surprised to be hearing from the older man, but welcomed it none the less.  Even if it was coming in the middle of a fight.  

Landing a punch across the jaw of one of the goons and vaulting himself over the falling body to swiftly knock the other down with a firm kick to his chest, he breathed heavily. “Nightwing, I require your assistance in Gotham.”  Frowning, Dick knelt down and zip-tied the hands of the goons together before sending off the signal and coordinates to BPD.

“You require it?  Or Batman does?”  He questioned as he shot his grapple up to get off the street and out of the area before the cops arrived.  While the cops of BPD had gotten better over time, they still had an arrest order for all vigilantes.  So it was always best that he just left before they arrived. “What’s going on?”

“Batman has not been seen for about 48 hours now.  Robin and Red Robin are off world with the Titans at the moment and I know Batman would rather keep the search in the family before involving the League.” Which made sense in Bruce’s mind, but considering their hero friends had been vanishing left and right over the last two years, Dick thought it was somewhat foolish.  “Might you make your way to the Cave?”

Figuring out where he was in relation to his motorcycle, Dick took off in the direction of where he had stashed it.  “I’m on my way now.  Tell me what he was doing the night he went missing.”  He listened to Alfred relay the major points of the missing hero case that the entire community was working on while holding down their various cities. He listened as Alfred talked about Bruce starting the suspect something was happening in an abandon warehouse on the outskirts of town, not far from Crime Alley.  

Dick confirmed that Bruce had mentioned that to him about a year ago and Dick had told Bruce that there was no activity in the area after running the scans.  But apparently that didn’t mean Bruce had dropped it.  It just meant he didn’t immediately deal with whatever it was that was happening there.

“Master Bruce linked these three heroes and their disappearances with that warehouse,” Alfred said as he pulled open three filed.  Dick frowned when the faces of Roy Harper, Koriand’r, and Wally West appeared on the screen.  Three of his closest friends whose absences he had felt deeply.  If Donna’s face had come up alongside them then he would have left immediately.  “All three had come to town for various reasons and all vanished when leaving in that direction.”

“And Bruce thinks they vanished in the warehouse so he what?  He went there to try and figure out what was happening?”

Alfred nodded and pulled up a video, which Dick easily figured out was the cowl recording from the night he went missing.  Dick watched from Bruce’s eyes as the batmobile came to a stop on the outskirts of the three-building area.  His mentor took a moment to scan the area and look for any signs of life, but when the readings seemed to glitch he still decided to go in.  An action Dick had specifically been told not to do if he had experienced the same thing.

“Magic,” Bruce had said when Dick had reported his findings.  

But Bruce exited the car and headed toward the first of three buildings.  And just as Dick leaned forward, pressing his hands on the desk to watch closely, the screen glitched again and then static.  Scanning the screen for the readings of the video, he frowned.  “What the hell was that?”

“My thoughts?  It is the same magic you encountered when you had gone to scout the area at Master Bruce’s request.”

Dick straightened and frowned.  That was heavy magic if it was able to cut everything off from Bruce.  And it made Dick wonder if Bruce had somehow managed to get stuck behind the wall.  “Is Zatanna one of the missing?”  There had been so many that he couldn’t remember all of them.  Alfred’s nod filled him with dread.  “I have to go check it out.”

“Could I advise you to go to the Watchtower before you do?”

“There’s no time. He’s been missing for two days and some change.  I need to head in there.”  Dick frowned, grabbing his mask from where he had set it down when he had arrived. “But you should contact Clark immediately.  I’m not sure if they’ll be able to spare any of the other magic users, but let them know what Bruce had suspected.”  He turned to head back to his motorcycle but paused when Alfred’s hand landed on his upper arm.  “I have to go, Alf.  I can’t just leave him there.”

“I understand my boy, just be careful.  We don’t know what we’re dealing with.”  Dick gave a nod before continuing to his motorcycle.  “I will contact the League and try to get the Robins to return to Earth.”

“Thanks Alf.  I’ll keep you updated for as long as I can.”

He gave the older man one last smile before he gunned the engine and sped out of the Cave toward the warehouse where he would face too many unknown variables.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pulling up to the same place where Bruce had parked the batmobile, Dick frowned when he noticed the car was no longer there.  They were far enough away from the majority of the city that thieves wouldn’t have gotten to it, but that didn’t account for whatever magic that had been used to protect this area.  So he carefully set his motorcycle into stealth mode and left it tucked between two smaller buildings in the area.  If he was lucky, it would be there to get him and Bruce back to the cave once he found the other man.

“I’m approaching now, Agent A,” he reported to Alfred through the comms, sticking to the shadows as he approached.  He kept one eye on the grounds and the other on any possible movement around him.  “I didn’t notice it last time, but you can actually see the current.”  He moved to stand about a foot away from the now just slightly visible wall of magic.  He looked up, trying to see how far it went, but after about ten feet, the angle didn’t provide a good look.  

It almost reminded him of heat waves that came off the pavement during the worst of Gotham’s summers.

Reaching out a hand, Dick carefully touched the wall and jerked a hand back when it felt like he had been zapped by one of his escrimas.  “It feels like electricity,” he said into the comm but the reply he got back was crackled and broken.  And that meant he was probably on his own.  “I’m not sure if you can hear me anymore, but I’m going in.  Call for the League and the Robins.  Find a magic user and get them here if you can.  I’ll bring him back, Alf.”  And with a deep breath, he stepped forward and into the wall of magic.

And when he came out on the other side, he bent forward with his hands on his knees as he gasped for breath. “That is not a good time,” he groaned to himself as he tried to pull himself together.  With a few more deep breaths, Dick straightened and gasped in surprise at the sight of what was on the other side of the wall.

The image projected on the city side of the wall was what he remembered the area to look like.  Three large, abandoned warehouses and their various grounds surrounding them.  Gray and boring, weathered from the lack of upkeep and use.  But what was before him seemed almost gothic in comparison.  In fact, it looked like some of the older buildings of the city.  Gargoyles and all.  The plain concrete walls had been replaced with stone, vines that had not been there two years ago had begun to creep up them giving them an even more aged look.

The grounds themselves were green and reminded him far more of the Manor than what he would have expected a warehouse to look like.  They also looked immaculately kept.  It was almost as if whoever had done the spell had taken a gothic castle and placed it on the edge of Gotham while making every one in the city believe the warehouses remained.

It made Dick feel like he had a rock in his stomach.  This was a very powerful spell.

Scouting the area as best he could, Dick carefully made his way forward with his escrimas in hand and ready for a fight.  He didn’t know what he was bound to encounter, but he wasn’t going to chance not being prepared.  Not when it might be Bruce’s life on the line.  

When the grounds revealed little information, Dick snuck his way inside through one of the windows in the front and quietly made his way through the main foyer.  The more he saw of the building, the heavier the pit in his stomach got.  

The sound of fierce whispering hit his senses as he came to the base of a set of stairs.  

Nightwing, it is Nightwing.  

He frowned, looking around to try and find the source.  

Nightwing can do it.

He wanted to ask what exactly the whisperers thought he could do, but instead he remained silent and looked up the stairs.  There was a faint light further up and like a moth, Dick made his way toward it.  The whispers got quieter and quieter the further up he went.  Until they had vanished all together and he was standing at the top of the stairs, looking at something that he was struggling to understand.  It looked like cells but it wasn’t making sense in his head.

Of course, if this really was some sort of medieval structure, it would make sense for there to be a tower with cells for keeping prisoners.  But what that even what this was.

The sound of movement from one of the ones on the right caught his attention and with barely a thought, he rushed forward to peer inside.  “Batman!”  He cried, latching his escrimas on his back before gripping the bars of the cell door. “Are you okay?!”  He questioned as he looked the older man over.  

“Nightwing,” the name came out as a groan and Dick frowned.  Bruce looked roughed up, but he didn’t look like he was in that bad of condition. “You have to leave.  Get out of here now.  Before it takes you like it took them all.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not going to just leave you here,” he shook his head before searching his utility belt for his lock pick so he could get the cell open and get Bruce out of there.  He had just about gotten the lock open when a loud crash sounded behind him and he was flying toward the cells on the other side of the small hallway.

“What are you doing here?!” The question was practically growled, and Dick tried to focus on the source but all he could see was a shadow and a pair of glowing green eyes.  “You don’t belong here.  Leave!”

Shaking his head, Dick looked over at Bruce before looking back to the shadow.  “I’m not leaving without Batman.”

“Yes, you are,” the shadow growled.  “He’s my prisoner.  He’s cursed to remain.”

Dick carefully stood to his feet and grabbed his escrimas, moving into a fighting stance.  “I’m not leaving without him.  So either you give him to me or I take him.”

“Nightwing, no!”  

But Dick ignored Bruce’s call and carefully moved so he was standing in front of his mentor’s cell. He didn’t know who or what it was he was facing, but he had fought enough in his years to be adaptable. “Dick, please just go.  Get out while you can.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“One of you is leaving before I really lose my temper.”

That gave Dick pause. “One of us?”  The shadow seemed to tilt it’s head and Dick considered the idea building in his mind.  He could get Bruce out of there.  He could get Bruce home to Alfred.  And Bruce would figure out a way to get him out of there.  He could do that.  Dick would never be able to figure out how to combat magic like this.  He wasn’t sure even their magic users in the League would be able to.  But Batman always found a way.  “Take me instead.”

“What?”

“No!”

“You heard me.  Take me instead.  Release Batman and I’ll take his place.”

“You…” the shadow paused, sounding almost awed.  “You would do that for him?”

“Yes.”

“Dick don’t do this, please.”

Turning his head just slightly to lock eyes with Bruce, Dick pursed his lips.  “I have to.  You’ll figure it out.  You’re already there.  I trust you.” The man frowned but understanding filled his eyes and he gave Dick a firm nod.  Turning back to the shadow, Dick latched his escrimas again and raised his chin.  “I’ll stay as long as I have to if you promise to let him go safely on the other side of the magical wall.”

There was silence before the shadow moved like liquid, shoving Dick out of the way and getting Bruce out of the cell.  In a blink of an eye, the pair were gone and Dick was left alone wondering what he was supposed to do now.  He just risked his life on Bruce being able to figure this out.  He had given up everything because he trusted the man enough to get to the bottom of whatever was happening here.  Dick trusted Bruce and Nightwing trusted Batman, but jumping in front of a bullet was different than trapping himself inside a magical dome with no connection to the outside world.

With a deep breath, Dick pulled the mask off his eyes and looked around the room he supposed he would be staying in.  The cells were stereotypical for a medieval castle and under any other circumstance, he would probably laugh at that.  But now this was his...home?

“Come,” a voice came out of nowhere, causing him to jump and quickly turn toward the staircase he had come up.

The shadow was back.

More magic, he mused to himself.  “What?” He questioned the command, wary of what the game might be here.

The shadow shifted and moved forward, stepping into the light to reveal a man.  Not a shadow at all.  Blonde hair, sharp cheekbones, and green eyes.  He was tall but not as tall as the shadow had made him appear to be. And not as bulky, but still solid in muscle mass and strength.  “Do you want to stay up here?”  The man growled, his green eyes taking on an almost glowing look to them.  It made Dick take a step back in self-preservation.

“No, but I thought…” This was where Bruce had been kept after all.  Why was he not to assume that it would be the same for him?

“You thought wrong.” The man turned and headed down the stairs and after a short hesitation, Dick hurried to follow.  He kept quiet as he followed the man down the stairs he had come up in the beginning and then down the halls toward a different wing of the castle.  “This is your home now.  You can go anywhere you like but the West Wing.”

Dick glanced behind him, remembering the staircase they had passed that would have been in the westward direction.  “What’s in the West Wing?”  He asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.  He blamed Bruce and his need to raise detectives.

“Nothing of your concern!” The man ground out, turning to glare at Dick with his glowing green eyes.  And though he wanted to take a step back, he resisted the urge.  He did, however, give a slight nod of understanding to pacify the man instead.  There was a moment of pause before he seemed pacified and they continued on the path. “You will stay here,” the man said when they reached an elaborately carved, pair of double doors.  Dick looked up at them before stepping forward and inside the room after he pushed the doors open.

The room itself looked as though it had come right out of a movie.  Four post bed, gleaming silvers and blues all over.  The bed looked plush and the furniture was likely hand carved.  Everything was polished and smooth, gleaming under the lighting.  It was ornate and fancy and Dick hated it.  But that might have had more to do with it being his prison than it being overly done.

He heard the man clear his throat and Dick turned to find he remained in the doorway of the room, looking hesitate to enter.  But that was something Dick had no desire to unpack that right then.  Not when he was still technically a prisoner.

“If you need anything, the others are always lingering.”  The man glanced around the room before straightening his spine.  “I expect you to join me for dinner.”  Dick frowned when the man turned away and slammed the door behind him.  Sighing, Dick turned in a small circle before dropping down onto the edge of the bed.

[noonmutter]

Kinky Questions, Go!! ALL 50! At least the ones you haven't gotten yet.

*knucklecrack*

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

"Yes. If I gotta pick one, couch. Th' dryer's noisy an' I like bein' able t' hear th' other person.

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:

Answered here!

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:

(I actually don't know any ingame fiction to draw an answer from here, sorry. <.<)

4: Something that never fails to make you horny:

"Pullin' me int' you. Up, down, chest-t'-chest, back-t'-chest, whatever. Not often I get manhandled, y'ken?"

5: Where is one place you would never have sex:

"I mean, never say never, but somewhere it'd take some real convincin' t'get me t' do it? Th' meetin' space at th' center o' th' Dreamgrove. I'd sooner set my 'air on fire than fuck where th' statue o' Malorne might watch me, an' Remulos would not approve."

(Rest below the cut! Yes I did do all of them!)

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:

"...Wakin' up in a pile o' people after an especially long bender, none of 'om I recognized, an' not one stitch o' clothin' anywhere in sight except fer a gnome-sized miniskirt. An' there were no gnomes in th' pile! "Days like tha' are why I don't fuck drunk anymore."

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:

"Tenderizin' steak." Sigh. "Pretty sure it was th' smell o' th' raw meat, mostly.

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]:

"With my bare 'ands, or with my teeth 'oldin' somethin' sensitive. Wolf's snout kin fit all th' way 'round most people's throats without actually bitin' down as long as I get th' canines all th' way across, an' as long as neither of us move too terribly much, it's great fun."

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:

"Hook a finger in my collar an' pull me t' yer eye level. Trouble is, if we're not already pretty damn close an' y' start grabbin' at my collar, I might punch y'."

10: Top or bottom?

"Switch."

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in] "We were about t' sneak off t' start our 'oneymoon but then I tripped through a portal some jackass dropped in th' middle o' th' weddin' party an' 'ad t' fly all th' way back first.

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

"Sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's a start, sometimes it's not even th' point. Really depends on th' mood at th' moment, dunnit? I like t'go as many rounds as either of us kin stand, most o' th' time, but I def'nitely find plenty o' value in just one long, slow go tha' ends when it ends.

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

His expression was less jovial than for most of these questions. "Th' collar I made for Vandy."

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:

"Squigglebird. Long story."

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:

"Like th' noises it makes a person make--vocally, I mean--an' th' views it gives o' th' person I'm goin' down on an' th' person tha's goin' down on my. Don't like th' taste all tha' much, really 'ate some o' th' noises yer lips an' throat make if yer a li'l overzealous."

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

"Li'l inflatable toy thingie in m' backside. Felt alright fer a while, cuz I mean it wasn't like it was th' first time I'd 'ad anythin' in there, but ah... she kept goin' past my willin'ness, an' it got pretty damn uncomfortable pretty damn fast. I might be willin' t' try it again but not without a lotta thought b'fore'and, an' not with my 'ands bound.

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Tasted like cum. Nothin' special."

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

"I mean, if y'both agree to it an' y'don't fool around with anybody else, then yeah it's fine. Overwhelmin' majority o' th' time, I wrap up, even with m'wives."

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

"...I din't 'ave any teachers I thought were sexy? My first shan'do was a 'andsome elven woman 'o could arm-wrestle a grizzly an' win, but she wasn't wha' I'd call sexy. Too gruff, too keen t' be alone."

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

"Not somethin' I really think about in advance, t'be honest. Cook or no cook, food just kinda 'appens on a whim."

21: How big is too big:

"Can't get my mouth 'round it is usually a problem. Length isn't so much a concern, just means y' won't get t' bury it all th' way after a certain point unless y' want me dead."

22: One sexual thing you would never do:

"Mess with any bod'ly fluids besides cum. I tried real 'ard t'understand tha' one an' I just can't, sorry. Gross."

23: Biggest turn on:

"Depends on th' person; wha's 'ot from one is wierd comin' from another. Pickin' out of a hat? When Val'rin says somethin', then rolls 'is eyes up t' look at me an' tacks on a plaintive li'l 'Sir?' at th'end."

24: Three spots that drive you insane:

"Pretty much anywhere on m' throat, th' undersides o' my wrists, an' my 'air. Partic'larly yankin' on it. Just... don't come up an' do it outta nowhere. Like with m' collar, tha' shit'll get y' punched an' I'd argue y' prolly deserve it."

25: Worst possible time to get horny:

"Most times aren't really tha' bad, Iunno... middle of a warzone I guess?"

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:

"I'm kinna suspicious of anybody 'o doesn't. Wha' kinna person doesn't love tha' kinda instant feedback? Tell me I'm doin' a good job, tell me 'ow t' do a better job, tell me just 'ow blown yer mind is by losin' track o' words, sing me a song."

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:

"Really dunno why I thought it was a good idea t' let a blindfolded guy toss me anywhere, least of all into a bed with a solid headboard on it."

He touched the back of his head in remembered pain.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping:

"When yer chafed an' still 'aven't finished cuz yer too damned raw and desensitized t' get off, it's prolly time t' stop fer a while."

29: Best sexual complement you ever got:

Answered here!

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:

"Landin' strip, ideally. I kin deal with whatever but tha's th' most convenient amount. Less potential fer mess."

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut?

"What a bizarre question, 'course it is. Shit, sometimes tha's 'alf th' point."

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin”

"Bite my neck 'r pin me t' a wall."

33: What your favorite part of your body:

"My 'air. It's gotten damned difficult t' take care of, but th' tradeoff's pretty worth it."

34: Favorite foreplay activities:

"Touchin'. Just... touchin'. Runnin' my fingers real light an' soft across ev'ry...single...inch...of a playmate's body. Learnin' th' curves, th' blemishes, th' scars, th' ins, th' outs, th' sensitive spots, th' ticklish bits, th' fav'rites all by touch. I kin do tha' fer hours if they'll let me."

35: Love (>,<, or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math that's “greater than, less than, or equal to]

"Does not equal. Th' two kin be completely unrelated t'one another an' tha's perfec'ly fine. They kin en'hance each other when they're both involved, but they aren't incomplete without one another at all."

36: What do you wear to bed?

"If I kin get away with it, nothin'. I run 'ot these days, it's real easy t' overheat if I wear stuff t' sleep.

37: When was the first time you masturbated:

"Gods, Iunno. Thirteen? Fifteen? Somewhere in there."

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

"Not tha' I keep fer very long. I make 'em an' send 'em t' people tha' I made 'em for, then I get rid of 'em cuz I don't wanna watch m'self wankin' or whatever."

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

"So many times, gods alive. Last time was a few days ago, if y' count th' back acres on our property as outside enough."

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Leon just kinda snorted. (See previous answer!)

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

"Sev'ral times, an' I would 'appily do so again with th' right people. Fun, but occasionally tricky t' figger out."

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

"Most o' th' time I'm very borin' an' just stick t' my 'and an' maybe a dildo, but I got one o' those vibratin' sleeve thingers not too long ago tha' I've been meanin' t' try out..."

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

"No, an' maybe. If I were still workin' in a kitchen where other people 'ad t' work an' there's food ev'rywhere, it'd be an absolutely not. I work in a private workshop by th' 'ouse now, so I kin get away with it more, long as 'm careful. Thus far I 'aven't been so tempted tha' I couldn't make it back in th' house first, though."

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

"Never been in one, be willin' t' try. I've 'eard 'ow tiny those bathrooms are."

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

"...gonna 'ave t' ask me that'un again in a few months when I know more songs, sorry."

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

Answered here!

47: Most attractive celebrity?

"Do th' Tarts count as celebrities? I'm not even gonna try t' pick one, but tha's all I got."

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

"Not a big porn-watcher in gen'ral, my life feels like a goddamned romance novel as it is. Not often I need more'n a couple o' particularly fond mem'ries."

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

"Four days."

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

(Hard to answer this one since the internet at large isn't really a thing in WoW, at least not in a widely-accepted enough way for me to answer it...)

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

"Put-downs. Don't call me slut or boy or bitch--gods, especially not bitch--or th' like if y'want me t' go 'ome with y'."

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

"Not tha' I've seen."

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

"Like givin' it cuz it makes m' playmate feel real nice, don't like th' flavor s' much."

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

"Doesn't make a dif'rence t' me, aside from most tattoos bein' pretty."

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

"Done it, though I'm not a fan o' th' phrasin'. They put some trust in me, I din't take anythin'."

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

"Nothin' spicy. Period. Just don't. It's not worth it."

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

(Another one that doesn't really have an answer in this context.)

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

Leon burst out laughing and pointed at the full-size steamer trunk at the foot of his bed. "Tha's not even close t' all of it, either. Gods alive, wha' a question t' ask me!"

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

"Wouldn't give 'em unrestricted access t' anythin' private o' mine fer a day. If it's tha' private t' begin with, it's cuz it's my safe 'aven, an' they respect tha', same as I do their private stuff."

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

"A li'l bit if it came outta nowhere, but I've talked a fair bit about wishin' I could get rid o' some o' my scars. It's not somethin' I wouldn't consider tryin'."

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

"Pretty 'appy doin' th' latter as it is. Don't think I'd wanna try th' recorded stuff, it seems like it'd be really awkward t' do tha' fer a cam'ra crew an' with somebody 'o ain't really enjoyin' it."

62: Do you watch porn?

"Not really. Most of it's not int'restin' t' me."

63: How small is too small?

"'Too small' is 'ard fer me t' quantify. I 'aven't found anythin' too small fer me t' work with some'ow."

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

Bit of a flat look. "Worgen."

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

"Me an' th' guy 'o fucked me on th' fence out back shared quite a few kisses b'fore, durin', an' after. Mostly they meant 'fuck yer hot.'"

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

"I mean, I could. Nothin' on there I wouldn't want any of 'em t' see. Be a bit inconvenient though."

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

"Frankly I'm more comfortable tha' way than otherwise. Spent too long with a big ol' poof o' fur around m' crotch t' be comfy with most undies. Same reason I'm not overly fond o' shoes either."

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

"Purely in a logistical sense, yeah. I kin still go t' town an' do thin's right, but it's... sloppy. Those 'airs seem t' WANT t' get in yer mouth, an' all tha', an' it's just so much messier overall."

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

"'O says I can't?"

70: Booty or Boobs?

"I am very much an ass man."

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

"I do, but I didn't. Namin' it seems strange."

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

"Sev'ral, but all of 'em only took place in th' last few years. Never when I was growin' up."

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

"No, an' I never will, an' you kin quote me on tha'."

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

"I 'aven't th' faintest idea 'ow tha' works."

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

"Nope. Never 'ad th' opportunity, an' I think I'd rather throw up on th' floor an' eat it."

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

"Sweet, I'm gettin' a new bed!"

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

"Assumin' we're not talkin' about my own bits... 'That's not gonna fit!' fer a dick, an' 'This is a lot less sexy than th'other lads made it out t'be' fer a cooch."

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

Answered here!

79: Oral, Anal, or Vaginal? 

"Yes."

80: What’s the first thing you look at on someone of the opposite gender?

"Their face. Also 'ow they carry themselves. But mostly their face."

( @pinpep @shckaewynn @valarin-sunstorm for mentions )