#i wrote so much. i literally am an insane person. too many words.

[eurydicees]

some thoughts on writing in 2022...

i wrote fewer fics than i did in 2021, but the majority were longer!

that resulted in more words, but in general less readership and interaction, i think, looking at ao3 kudos/reads statistics :(

i have sooooo many drafts....

under drafts, i counted two fics i'm working on for bangs--those will be published in 2023 even though the majority of them were written in 2022. it'll screw up my 2023 stats lol but that's ok

the discrepancy between ao3 + tumblr + wips = total & fics total is for 7,619 words of zine fics / 4 ~bonus~ fics!

for zines, i wrote for the studio ghibli x haikyuu zine (finished and released), the haikyuu rain-themed zine (not released yet), and two for the ohshc 20th anniversary zine (not released yet, but pre-orders are closed). this was all so so SO exciting--i'd never written for an actual zine before, and it was a super fun experience. i hope to keep doing it in the future :P

i didn't write much original work this year, especially compared to how much original work i wrote in 2021 (131,045 words), so i didn't put that number on the graphic. but overall i wrote 36,330 words of original stuff :D

overall, i'm super proud of all the work i've done this year and i'm so excited to go into next year and keep writing. thank you all for reading--i appreciate your support so much; it means the world to me. happy new year ♡

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this is without a doubt the weirdest thing I have ever done

SALUTATIONS, HELLAVERSE FANDOM! 

You probably don't know me, but my name is Godfrey. (Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure!) 

To be quite honest, I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here. As I type this, I'm unspeakably nervous.

"Why are you nervous, Godfrey?" I hear you ask.

Well...

I have a dream

I'm here to tell

About a fanfic I wrote for Hazbin Hotel 

(sorry)

Okay okay serious director voice from now. 

Look, this is gonna sound absolutely unhinged, but hear me out. (insane rambles under the cut, this bitch is LONG)

In April, a friend and I had a conversation about a song I wrote and how it was. Well, kinda coded to Vox and Valentino.

Then one thing led to another, and two-and-a-bit months and twelve thousand words later, I had written an absolutely sprawling shitshow of a fic (details later in the post)

Even as I was writing it, I knew the written word didn't do it justice.

Hence, this post. 

(golly, this sounds really demanding, I am so sorry)

Fuck it, my mom always says "if you don't ask you don't get", and for once I want her to be right.

This is, I suppose, a sort of... call to action, for lack of a better term.

Artists, animators and voice actors, I'd like your help to turn this fic into an animatic, or if we can manage it, an actual animation.

ONLY if we can manage it, not if it's gonna stress anyone out.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Just to get this out of the way, not that I should even need to say this but it's unfortunately 2024. If anyone even SUGGESTS using A.I. your ass is getting blocked. I don't fuck with that artificial bullshit.

On to my next point: I am unequivocally in support of artists and actors being paid for their work. 

However, I am a Broke Bitch. Unless we could somehow do crowdfunding or something, I physically would not be able to pay people. This makes me feel like a very shitty person, but unfortunately it's the truth, and I want to be upfront and honest about that.

This is why I hope to get as many people on board as possible for this project, so nobody has to do a shit-ton of work.

I understand that most of you are busy, with work, school/college, or life generally life-ing. Join the club, my life is hectic too.

This is why I really have no set deadline for this. Whether it takes a few months or a few years, as long as it's done well with a minimal amount of stress.

Well, now that that's out of the way, time to go into details a bit.

Characters in order of appearance (this is mainly for VAs)

Vox

Valentino

Velvette 

Angel Dust

Charlie

Husk

Alastor

Vaggie

Lucifer

Niffty

Sir Pentious

Asmodeus (yeah this is slightly a Helluva Boss crossover)

Frank (the egg boi)

Fizzarolli

Katie Killjoy

Tom Trench

And lastly, depending on what everyone else thinks, I have an idea for how Verosika and Zestial can be involved. 

Will there be musical numbers?

The short answer is YEAH, cause Hazbin is a musical. I cannot stress enough how much the music is My Problem. Literally, apart from people singing, I will take care of that.

My Idea Of The Process 

(please bear in mind I have little to no idea of how the animation process works so this is almost definitely wrong, please feel free to correct me about it)

Step 1. Storyboard

Step 2. Voice lines and songs get recorded

Step 3. Animatic (this could very well end up being as far as it gets and that is absolutely cool beans)

Possible Step 4. Animation

Finally, I'd be more than happy to be the one to edit all the clips together. Editing is its own kind of hell, and I'm totally willing to take one for the team.

The Vision

This is. (fffffff) this is the part that's gonna make me sound like a Draconian jerk but I promise I don't mean to come across this way.

I'm hoping to have something that's as close to the style of the show as possible. (this video kinda has the right vibes) This is so the final project will look cohesive and somewhat professional. (god that probably sounded so bad but I genuinely have no idea how else to say it)

TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. I have nothing against artists with other distinctive art styles, in fact I've come across several that I absolutely love.

Regarding The Writing

I've never directed anything before, so forgive me if this is crossing a line, but like. 

I have my vision for how I want this to go and I'm kind of. not overly flexible on that. Obviously ideas that people have to get this to work good are more than welcome, but they might not end up happening.

Not to be a dick, but I am sorta the director so I do kinda get to make the call on that stuff. (ew god that felt odd)

If this gets off the ground, I'd have to turn this 12,000 word fic into a script to make it easier for people to read it and not get bogged down by my weird old-fashioned poetic style. This would be sent out to people who express interest at some point.

Just a heads-up: If you're expecting an AO3 link I am so sorry but it's Google Docs, mainly because this thing is wildly self-indulgent and I, for one, do not fancy attracting potential haters. Most people are nice, some are very vocally not. Besides, what would be the fun if everyone knew the story in advance?

BASICALLY

If you're interested shoot me an ask and I'll answer privately (OFF anon pls, I wanna know who I'm workin' with here!) or DM me and I'll get back to you.

If you see this and know someone who'd be interested, feel free to tag them or send this post to them.

I am gonna tag @achilleanauthor (my right hand man over here) @emeraldcity1900 and @onesidedradiostatic as they're kind of the only blogs I know who are I guess. Active in the Hellaverse fandom.

If this gains enough traction and I get people on board, I'll be setting up a Discord server (another first for me). 

Watch this space, and as Alastor would say, "Stay tuned..."

[inf1nyxw0rlds]

reposting my infinite is not weak essay because i got anxious and deleted the last one <3 i've been meaning to do this for months, but i'm not exactly the most functional person and i don't often put myself out there. in the process of rewriting it, i also altered the wording and added a few things, as you might notice if you've seen it before; and if you haven't, then welcome to whatever it is i'm doing here!

this is written with all my love, all my frustration, fueled by years worth of listening to a cycle of minsinformation that left permanent damage in the form of skewed perceptions – based in a false claim and the jokes that came with it – and a hesistance on sega's part to even address him save for a few tossed crumbs over the span of the last half a decade. originally i had an elaborate metaphor here, but there was no need for it and i'll cut right to the chase; there has always been good in infinite's character – but not everyone cares to look for it.

it's been six years since the release of sonic forces. which is insane! it's wild to me! as somebody who's been here since before the game even released, i've seen it all. to commemorate the occassion, when i wrote this originally, i thought that i would talk further about infinite's reception; in particular, the Weak thing. i've discussed it before in brief, and you can read that one here; this time though, i'm going to get more into dissecting the actual problem, and debunking arguments that supposedly prove infinite to be objectively weak and pathetic... when canonically, that isn't the case. i'd actually argue the opposite, but at the very least he isn't lacking strength – his skills are average at worst.

the first reason that i see, the one we're all plenty familiar with and the one i brought up previously, is that infinite is weak because he lost to shadow. once. that's it. do i really have to explain why this is stupid? yeah, he did lose, one time. even against a normal opponent, one defeat in comparison to what we can assume, based on his title, many victories, isn't much of an indicator toward being weak. shadow is also the ultimate lifeform, in case anyone has forgotten that detail, and bear in mind that infinite knows shadow to have just slaughtered his entire team – do you really think he would be at his best in that state?

there's also a fuckton of context clues implying that infinite had issues prior to this encounter, specifically inferiority issues. shadow literally told him, after having wiped his whole team out, to never show his pathetic face again. the face with the, you know. the big scar. the blind eye. (shoutout to the person who pointed this out in the tags in the "first part" of this, by the way! based for that)

this argument is so full of holes that it just drives me kind of bonkers how it can be used to claim infinite is weak and stupid. do i think that the scene is without flaw? of course not. if you want to say that the way they handled his breakdown wasn't the greatest, you can, you have every right to your opinion. but that's just it. we're talking about something else. i get it, the "i am not weak" was a memeable line, but it doesn't actually make him weak. people that reduce his reaction to "just" hating shadow because he got his ass beat, people who call it a "temper tantrum", i ... the context is right there. it was never "just" because shadow beat him up. would people say this about anyone else that shadow happens to beat up? that they're irrefutably weak? no. that's stupid. obviously. so why infinite? because it wasn't a strong enough spectacle. let me illustrate this more with another example;

another reason people say that infinite is weak is because sonic didn't need to go super in order to beat him. and... again, this one, too, falls apart pretty easily. sonic has beaten other characters without going super, and this includes shadow. the difference is the when, the how, the context. it's not that infinite is weak, but it was a weak final boss fight. do you get what i mean?

forces, in general, suffered a lot with this problem. it wasn't a problem that was exclusive to infinite. unfortunately, as the new character, he got the most heat. there was a huge amount of hype for him, so when the spectacle fell short, people were pissed. and i get it. but then that issue became, "infinite bad". that issue became "infinite's weak". it has never been that, though. this is why i personally hate weak jokes – because they're rooted in non-issue and misinfo.

a point i saw made once was that the characterisation of sonic and the rest of the cast are part of what made infinite's character hard to take seriously, and i'd agree! infinite actually fits the setting quite well; he has a mysterious, serious presence. he's harsh, he's edgy, but it's cheesy enough that it works in the typical style of the sonic franchise. the problem is, when the other characters aren't taking things seriously, it throws the whole thing off. we're being told this is a hard-hitting, high stakes plot, but how can we see it that way, when they're all just cracking jokes?

as a side-tangent of sorts, you know what's real funny? infinite's backstory, the one thing people use more than anything else to declare his obvious weakness, quite likely wasn't originally going to exist anyway, and he was instead going to be made by eggman. i say "quite likely" as, as i've stated, i don't like misinformation, and sega will probably never confirm this one-hundred percent, but this is something fans – myself included – have discussed a few times.

first, there's the odd dialogue and enviroment in stage 29. tails states outright, as you go through the fortress, where containment/test tubes line the walls in countless numbers, "so this is where eggman built infinite". the tubes do, in fact, appear to have low-res bodies inside them. this is also something they detailed in an early version of the script. infinite's remark on sonic's "data" also fits in with this idea of him being some form of android. prior to release, there was also a cryptic message that, when decoded, referred to infinite as "the fated son of daedalus"; in other words, icarus, who flew too close to the sun; his father being an inventor! that's really dope foreshadowing.

you can argue that tails and amy's commentary is speculation rather than solid fact and that they're mistaken, it's a possibility i definitely consider here, but given how rushed the dlc and prequel comics feel, the fact that there was a statement that big changes were made late into development... yeah. i'll buy it. i often find myself wondering what people would think of infinite had this been his story, whether they would view him differently. also, speaking of the dlc being rushed, there are actually unused lines for episode shadow implying that you would have fought the jackal squad; they were likely just unable to implement it in time. it's a shame, as it would have added to that spectacle factor i mentioned. but hey, gotta push for that holiday release!

what i find really interesting is that you can look at his character through either lense: the former mercenary turned war criminal, or the creation of our ol' doctor, and he still reads well! his behaviour makes sense in whichever context you choose to apply; what he thought he had to become, versus what he was made to be. it's cool and it makes me a bit insane. a lot of people criticise infinite for his one-dimensionality, but in my opinion, like... it's the point. he's meant to feel hollow. because he's masking; or because he wasn't made for feelings, but rather for destruction.

something that seems ironic is that many people attempt to "fix" him by... putting him into a box and inflating a single trait into his entire character and calling it "better writing". now, here's the disclaimer, okay: i'm all for people having fun and being proud of their work! i don't think that we should police what others can create. this is just about the phenomenon of watering a character down or changing them to fit ships and narratives rather than those characters being what shape the direction the story and their relationships take, things like that; which... i mean, i'm not a cop, you can still do these things even if i don't like them! i'm not saying it isn't allowed, but i think that you're kind of missing the point.

he never needed fixing. his story needed refinement. that's different. it's more about exploring what we've been given, looking below the surface; infinite is not just an evil, ruthless tyrant that deserves death nor a traumatised sadboy to be made good by the power of love and friendship – not to me. his trauma and anger are both part of him, and you cannot – or rather shouldn't – reduce him to one thing or another. it does him a major disservice, i think. there are good things there, things you can dissect, you just have to be willing to look.

in choosing to ignore what made him who he is, disregarding the loss of his squad and blatant insecurity unless it's funny, you're purposely looking at him through a faulty lense. bad writing doesn't mean that the intent isn't there. context is so important, and you can't analyse him or critique him with worth unless these things are acknowledged. it's like if you were eating a cake, avoiding the frosting and complaining it's not sweet enough. the frosting is there, not even being withheld from you. it has always been there. you decided not to eat it. sorry i'm making weird analogies again but hopefully this makes sense.

this has gotten long, wow. the point i want to highlight, overall, is that infinite is not nearly as awful as people make him out to be. it was never about his strength, it was about the limits and shortcomings of the narrative, a problem not exclusive to him yet one that has been pinned on him for so many years. i don't want it to sound like i'm saying he is immune to criticism, or that forces is, even though i've criticised forces during the creation of this post (and don't think that i think forces is terrible, either! it's my favourite game and i have lots of things i like about it as well! i've just been drawing attention to these parts to better explain what i want to convey lol); but i do hate how the wrong thing is being criticised.

this issue has been watered down into "infinite weak" when it's way more broad, way more complex than that, and i cannot stand it. it seems like such a trivial matter, like, oh, fandom is being mean about my favourite guy, but it did actual damage and forever altered people's perception of him. i am pissed about it! i'm mad! i don't care if you don't like infinite (because i can just block you as we will not get along!) but... it's about why people don't like him. they don't have to justify it, they can continue hating him, but it always bothered me that the reason is so often not a real problem. yeah.

okay, i think that's it. thank you for taking the time to read this, and if you made it this far, you're gay

[honeyhotteoks]

hi! i spent quiet a while to write this one + english is not my first language, so i'm sorry in advance.

i studied literature, text editing, journalism and much more disciplines which tought me a lot about text, books and writing. i am a writer too. i do not write fanics on tumblr, but i write quiet a lot on my native language on our local platforms. not to be that person, but i can say when i read a good text, a good story with a good plot and characters, and when i read just a graphomania shit. i know about criticism — i studied literature critics too, so i know what i'm talking about.

so, the hell am i talking about? i know you've been writing for your whole life (?) (or almost), but 'across the stardust' shook me so bad i still cannot find right words to explain my feelings. i guess i've read almost all of your works, and your writing has always been so good so i thought sometimes 'wow a real novel by her could be so amazing'.

'across the stardust' not only well written, but it feels alive. to say boldly we change three main locations where we interact with yunho through this part: the dressing room — yunho's room — our room. locations where are not many things to interact with, not many things that can revive the whole scene, so it's about people. about y/n and yunho. it's only about them and there interaction, about their connection and. lots of dialogues. and what i'm trying to say is that you're so good at writing dialogues and chemistry between the characters— this is literally insane.

i have read many books — good and bad — have read lots of fanfiction to broaden my horizons etc., and the main idea or plot could be so so good, but characters were written so... they were boring, to say at least, and i didn't believe to any of their words. you know this moments where characters meet up and boom! the next day they're already in love, already dating, already so into each other. it can work when the chemistry was done well, but in 99% of such cases it just sucks.

i was afraid that something like this could happen with your fic. afraid because i really love your works and i didn't want to be disappointed. but... i don't know what have you put in this work, but... i felt EVERY single thing you wrote. every single goosebump of y/n of yunho, every single twist in their stomachs, every single fire they felt about each other. this is a truly magic how you made me believe that feelings they always had for each other was not just romantic, sexual or something like this, but deeper. this platonic connection they did not know about, but something has been in the air between them the whole time.

i rarely can actually feel in my bones what characters feel, and you did something i did not know someone can actually do to me. this was so, so incredible written. i swallowed all the dialogues, i wanted to understand the characters, wanted to feel what they felt. i couldn't stop reading— and i was at my workplace! felt like i fell into the black hole hawking told us about and its mass was more then sun's in a million times, so my body was stretched and i reached the event horizon — i'll know what's inside the black hole.

thank you so much for your writing. thank you so much for this work, i hope you'll have enough time and energy for the next parts. thank you thank you and sorry for this bad english and dry review, i swear i am much better with my native language :((

🥺 anon, this is genuinely one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me. i’ve read your message twice and what you said is beyond kind ❤️

please never be sorry for your english, you conveyed so much to me i can only imagine how strong your own writing is in your native language.

i think the pacing problems with romance is a huge reason why i prefer to write longer works and read longer works too. i know that’s not everyone’s favorite, but i’m glad it resonates for you and many other readers here.

also…. what you said about writing a novel. that’s been a quiet dream of mine for a very long time, but i’ll admit that i’ve talked myself out of trying because in my mind the quality jump from fanfiction to published work is a big one, and i’m not sure i could do it. but it means so much to me that you said this, and if i ever do try to publish something i would be so happy to share that with all the people here who have supported my fic so warmly.

also lol one thing did make me laugh, when you said “i don’t know what you have put in this work” because my first thought was that it’s yunho. i think this version of him is closest to the one i imagine is real, versus some of my other work, and this reader is more of myself than i even realized initially. the love i have for yunho seriously transcends delulu, i just love him and look up to him, not for me but just as a person in the world. i’m really glad that translates into the work because when i was posting it i was nervous about the romance feeling too fast or too fake.

anyways i’ll stop rambling but thank you very much once again. definitely more chapters coming soon.

[cinnamontails-ff]

The incredible @kittenintheden tagged me for this, so I'll give it my best shot!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Four.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

224,051 - which, honestly, is insane because that means I've written (and edited) pretty much two entire novels over the course of last 12 months. The vampire elf is too powerful, guys.

3) What fandoms do you write for?

BG3

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'm a fandom newbie, so I don't even have 5, but here are my babies:

Accountant's Guide - Pre-Canon Astarion teams up with a human accountant to frame Cazador for tax fraud. It's exactly as whacky as it sounds.

Magistrate's Advocate - The Magistrate Astarion longfic someone had to write.

Vampire Stay-at-Home Trophy Husband - Reverse Isekai EA oneshot

An Empirical Science - My contribution to the Holy Rolan Empire

5) Do you respond to comments?

Always. Obsessively so. Love responding to comments and chatting with readers.

6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

My fics have a good bit of angst and tension and heartbreak, but I always strive for an overall "warm" feeling in my writing, so those moments tend to get resolved at some point. No angsty endings in my portfolio (yet).

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Accountant's Guide is where I gave Astarion everything I wish he could have. Zero regrets.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but it's pretty rare. Not to make excuses for people hating on fics (because that is despicable; we're working for free here), but I don't think my fics are controversial enough to attract a lot of hate. They're cute. They're wholesome. They don't take themselves too seriously, so I think it's pretty difficult to hate on them.

Although someone once called Scarlett a b**** and sometimes I remember that and I become wrath.

9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Explicit smut is something I've really only started doing when I got into fanfiction this past year. I like incorporating it into my longfics to emphasize key moments for my characters and their development, so it's part porn, part plot.

It can get kinky, but it will always be consensual. Dubcon/noncon is a big no for me, personally.

10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers, but An Empirical Science is where I have a lot of fun butchering adapting Pride & Prejudice lines. I mean, it's a Rolan fic. How could you not?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know, but I have seen coincidences of very similar concepts and ideas popping up after I've introduced them in my fics.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, there's an ongoing Ukrainian translation for Accountant's Guide! I translate the comments every now and then and readers are really praising the language skills of the translator, so that's awesome!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but we chat a lot about my stories on my Discord server, so that's often a little like writing together.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Shalladin (Kaladin x Shallan from Stormlight Archive). I love Brandon Sanderson with all my heart, but for this, I will never forgive him.

15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I get very hyperfocused on my stories and rarely work on more than 1 project at a time, so I tend to finish what I start.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Look, my social anxiety makes me a pretty rizzless person to talk to in real life, but my writing is funny. It's charming. I am great at character voice. I keep things real. My OCs don't need to be perfect flawless beauty goddesses to woo the guy; they recite a few paragraphs and swing their fountain pen and the guy is on. the. floor.

Sometimes literally.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

According to a rather charming public bookmark on my fic, I struggle with "pacing issues" and "questionable narrative choices". Clearly, this person knows what they're talking about, so let's accept it as fact.

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think this is generally really difficult to pull off without being confusing (check out "The Wee Free Men" by Sir Terry Pratchett for a really good example how to do it). So unless I had a very specific reason for it, I would prefer to write around it as I've done with Infernal in An Empirical Science.

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Still BG3. First and last? Who knows.

20) Favorite fic you’ve written?

Accountant's Guide. It's the story I wrote when I hit rock bottom and thought I couldn't write anymore. It's the story that made me believe again. My first story in English and by far the easiest thing I've ever written. It's the story I reread when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want a hug that reaches all the way into my soul. I am never happier than when people tell me this is a comfort read for them, just as it is for me.

I'm tagging @thedreamlessnights, @purdledooturt, @larvasmoon, @karinamay and @davenswitcher if they feel like sharing their answers!

[rubber-glovs]

Vent post (wow a 2 in 1!!)

I really want to talk about sfth with my friends, but they don't understand how my hyperfixations work for me. I was talking about sfth with my friend (who is currently being turned into a shark friend) and they thought I was weird because of how much I had admired them, wrote fanfics abt (characters, not rpf) and had photos of them. Like it's hard for me to talk about my interests, I constantly have to hold myself back from going insane and yapping about them so much because they don't understand. Same with my other hyperfixations. I talked about Grian with another one of my friends, and they just thought I was such a weirdo for caring so much about some blocks. It was as if they weren't even listening. It actually hurt me quite a lot. My hyperfixations control my life, I think about them all the time and everything is a reference. The fact that people think I'm weird for that, the people that I care about the most in the world, makes me so upset. I'd rather have no one to talk to about my interests than be told I'm weird again. I don't really like having no one to talk to about something that I am so invested and interested in because I make my own bubble of thoughts that I just keep to myself and wish I had someone to talk to about it.

I actually can't believe I'm going to talk about boy problems. It feels ridiculous, but this next part is about a guy. I don't want to go too deep into details about us but think of all those casual by Chappel Roan tiktoks. He loved me, and I loved him. He just didn't know I was trans. When I had the courage to come out to him, he stopped talking to me completely. We didn't have each other on any socials, so there was no communication. I tried to talk to him, try to start a conversation with him, but he'd always end it and quite literally walk away and act like a stranger. It took him a year to actually just talk to me. It felt nice but hated how I liked it. It brought back all these sweet memories we had and my love for him. I hated it. I still hate it. I hate it right now. It's the new school year/grade, and we have classes together, we are sat near each other in classes, and I really wish we weren't. In spanish/languages class, we sat together (we have a seating plan), and he moved seats away from me. He didn't sit next to a friend. He just moved away from me. I hate to admit that it hurt me. Additionally, he has so many red flags. He's a terrible person, yet I put it to the side because I love him. Saying or even typing the words "I love him" actually makes me feel so guilty. I fucking hate his guts. I hate my guts, too. I don't hate him because he started distancing himself from me. I hate him because he's such a bad person. And I hate myself for loving him anyway. It's been a whole year since the day I fell in love with him, and I wish that day never happened. I wish we just stayed friends. I wish we never sat next to each other in that fucking maths class. His name is poison to me. It burns my skin the second I hear it. It hurts my heart, and it stops besting because I know he's shitty and I know I am too. Everything I find with his name on it, I want to rip it apart. I hate that name because it's his. It's ruined so much for me because I have such a terrible problem with it. I want these feelings to go away before I rip my large intestines out like a party trick. I hate having feelings for him. He's fucking awful. I hate myself so much because I love this man. I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate everything about him that I used to love. I hate his voice, eyes, smile, laugh, hair, humour and just fucking everything. I fucking hate him. I hate myself for loving him. It's something that lives in the back of mind, and it taunts me every time I see him. I wish I never knew him. I wish he was just a classmate. I really fucking wish he was just a classmate. I hate myself.

[klunkcat]

tagged by @goodlucktai <3333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45 lol but i have I think. 30 wips that exist somewhere on my computer at any given moment. alas.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

701,032

which..... is like far too many words per fic actually imo

3. What fandoms do you write for?

honestly whatever currently grabs my brain stem changes a lot but i think my top ones are tmnt and stranger things (what a wild combo actually). Actively atm I have a trigun wip and a tmnt one

4. Top five fics by kudos?

A Kiss is a Kiss (But it's never like this) - 6,528

(something happens and I'm) head over heels - 3,518

Green with Envy - 1,880

Forget the mess I'm in - 1,791

Weak Point - 1,366

5. Do you respond to comments?

literally I am the WORST for remembering to reply I'm so sorry. I must say that I do read all of them in my email and screenshot them and cry

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

angsty endings are too much 4 me I believe so strongly in hurt/comfort but....

Impossible Things and the Tin Can I think is the most like, conceptually tragic series I've written

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Comfort is a requirement but I think but like Stepping over the line is basically just an extended meet cute so nothing really sad happens at all lol?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Actually genuinely have never gotten a rude comment in my life I did once get someone being hyper pushy about new chaps when I was like.... 19? Sometimes comments veer I think towards misunderstanding unreliable narrator elements and can be a little intense as a result

9. Do you write smut?

ehhhhhh closest I've ever gotten was dancing around the topic lol

10. Craziest crossover?

omg me and tai have gone down some rabbit holes and made a tangled/good omens fusion among other things, which was cute 2 me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've gotten some requests, not sure if they got uploaded anywhere?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once many years ago but we didn't end up finishing it from what I remember!

14. All time favourite ship?

oh god I mean. ineffable husbands and wangxian invented romance. big mckirk and vashwood fan despite what my published fics would tell you. stsg ruined my life this year. I'm really big on platonic friendships though personally

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My google docs are a cesspit of fics I will never finish. Once made a wangxian softball fic that will never see the light of day but I think of it fondly

16. What are your writing strengths?

Might actually be a weakness and not a strength but boy do I love prosey metaphor nonsense. Sometimes I think it works other times who's 2 say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fighting scenes man, combat is hard as hell.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

in general I dooooon't write it too much just because I don't speak anything beyond like. grade 2 level spanish so.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

tmnt :' )

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Oh tricky. Stealing tai's idea of a top 5

Forget-Me-Nots - :') big ol love u to tai for this

Both the Sweet and the Bitter - so sorry to anyone who follows me for ST fics because I'm probably never going to write for it ever again or finish this but a dear friend of mine helped me with this story and it means a lot 2 me as a result. The flower metaphors were fun to research.

Plain White Beach Houses - also same as the above but idk pacific rim au....house metaphors.... I love this series a lot

change up, high inside - wanted to write a softball fic for my whole life basically and this is more or less me just waxing poetic about the sport if I'm honest

Feedback Loop - this fic was actually insane like. took me I think a full year to write out? There's a lot of stuff in this that I lol cannot reread anymore for reasons but damn if it wasn't a learning experience to write all around

Tagging @eternalglitch @byrdybyrd02 @jinbugs if u want to besties!

[smilingformoney]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

no one tagged me in this but I saw @hirukochan do it and decided to steal it

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eight

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

425,915 (most of them Soul of Ice, obviously)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry Potter but specifically Snape, and Alan Rickman characters

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

See, this won’t work so well because I have eight stories, but if we could have chapter kudos it’d be a much more interesting exercise to see my five most popular chapters. Anyway:

Soul of Ice

Happy Ending

Soul of Ice One-Shots

Professor Snape II

Morality is an Illusion

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Not unless I have something to say, maybe I should?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely Three Secrets considering you die at the end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I want to say Happy Ending for the title lol but really it’s Soul of Ice, which so nearly had a heartbreaking ending but I couldn’t do that to my babies!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, the Snapedom is generally very positive! And who could hate Dad Snape?!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ll write pretty much any smut, but I prefer it to be part of a wider context, hence why I don’t write a lot of one-shot smuts. The one-shots I do write are pretty freaky though 😎

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, I’d get too lost in the lore trying to explain why the crossover was happening 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, y’all remember when this happened?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, nobody is insane enough to try and translate my whopper of a fic 😂

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I don’t see how it’d work personally, although I am big into using people as soundboards. Soul of Ice would be very different without @sevsnapes and For the Love of Books wouldn’t even exist without @snowblossomreads

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

doctorrose, though I’ll probably never write for them. Any form of Snape/Happiness is a-ok in my book but Snephy is obviously my favourite form of that.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I’m gonna finish them all! I promise! Eventually!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characters. The most common compliment I get is that people like my OCs, Abbie in particular.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m always conscious that my narration isn’t very descriptive. It feels very “he did this and she did that, then they did this and that.” I do try to go back and flourish it a bit but I struggle to be anything other than literal in my descriptions. eg, if I had to describe a table I’d be like, “The table was a rectangle with four legs. It was made of wood.” 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I felt the need to do that for whatever reason I’d probably do it like, “Insert dialogue here,” she said in German.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER TOLD THIS STORY ok so I was like 9 or something like that and I wrote a snamione story but my mum found out and made me stop because Hermione was like 13. So I did stop but I didn’t just ghost the story, I made a post that my mum said I couldn’t write it anymore but that Hermione finds out Snape is getting married so she gets together with Ron instead. I don’t remember much of what I actually wrote, only that it started with Hermione noticing that Snape had very sad eyes. I’m pretty sure this was before the last book came out so I clearly knew what was up!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Soul of Ice, always and forever. (I count Professor Snape II as being part of it.)

Tags: @sevsnapes @giosnape @mamawolfsmith87 @snowblossomtumbles @thestephanieflora

[seongminiz]

to do list:

write smutty things in jo’s inbox✅

so.. i see u like zb1…did u watch the mv for zb1’s sweat? i am currently trying to keep up with too many groups atm but the mv did alter my brain chemistry permanently and honestly i’m too scared to watch the live stages but i’ve got 2 scenarios playing out here because i am not a loyal person when it comes to zb1😓

i desperately need to ride jiwoong and have him smack my ass with the same enthusiasm as he humps the air towards the end of the mv.. his chest.. ugh i wanna lick all over it and suck his tiddies in my mouth, men who have tiddies justshhdjdjdjd i desperately need my face in between them at all times slobbering all over them omgggg.. erm and then idk i just need jiwoong to wreck me . like i’m so serious he’s insane for looking like that what the hell!!!! is his problem!!!! that wasn’t really a scenario honestly head empty when it comes to him. i could see him being into dumbification for sure.. i also see ppl hc him as being rly mean/frat boy but i don’t think so :( i think he’d be a fairly soft dom but if u want him to hurt u then he will >:))))

matthew on the other hand.. on paper, he’s my bias for sure, and i love toxic!matthew headcanons and i do agree he is probably(hopefully) rly big and girthy.. he’s definitely the type of guy to want his partner to wear a sundress or like some loose shorts whatever gives him the easiest access to play with you, would fill you up with his cum and then make you try to hold it in, in public<333 park dates or beach dates or smth summery but he’s out to get u the whole time, keeping you so flustered and needy and then giving you what u want, mocking you for it cuz ur just a dumb baby :(( need his cock all the time :(( and then cumming inside and making u hold it in so he can watch you struggle to do so and become so ashamed when it begins to dribble down ur thighs.. but the feeling of clenching to try to keep it inside you just makes you desperate again and the cycle continues<33333

i feel like i often come into ur inbox and then kinda blackout and then i’m just like yeah idk what that was *tucks hair behind ear* anyways i hope u like.

- 🧁 anon

🧁 do u want me dead be honest ..... just think of how i felt when i woke up this morning n saw this long ass ask in my inbox 💔💔💔 /pos

(i kept it to myself for the whole day bc im a gatekeeper at heart amen)

yes i did watch the sweat mv !! that part of the choreo at the end .. my friend started calling it the dickslap so now everytime we see a video of it we send it to each other like 'get dickslapped‼️‼️' bc we have the humor of a 12yo

ANYWAYS u r so real especially bc like .. who doesn't love a good pair or man tits⁉️

me with jiwoong fr fr :

NO LITERALLY JIWOONG IS SUCH A SOFT DOM IDC IDC U R SO RIGHT FOR THAT idc what anyone else says

matthew ..... i dont even have words for what u wrote for matthew i just .

yeah .

hes such a tease i cant stand him i hate him so much (read : i want him so bad its not even funny)

OFC I LIKE THIS HELLOOOO I LIKE EVERYTHING U WRITE I SWEAR

[chvoswxtch]

👋 hi, i'm back again already :)

i'm so glad i'm not alone in being completely feral for those set pictures. like it's insane what just seeing them has done to my brain chemistry. i saw them like an hour or so before i had therapy on wednesday and i felt like i was going insane for the rest of the day. the frank brainrot is real and i will be binge-reading ur fics again (bc i love ur portrayal of frank and i need that man in my life) and just UGH, i can't even explain how this man makes me feel without sounding fucking nuts.

and okay after finishing season two, i just, i have no words. i know that the fandom doesn't always love amy but genuinely, she has such a special place in my heart. and the lengths that frank went to protect her actually just made me want to sob. he absolutely melts my heart and i remember when i watched the start of season 2 all the way back in like september last year, i literally sobbed at the end of the first episode after he had that conversation about maria with the woman he met at the bar. like i am such a simp for this man, it's insane how emotional i get over it sometimes.

also i know you've watched criminal minds (the two fics u wrote were absolutely delicious btw) so i feel like you will understand this but pilgrim's actor being the same as will's just made it slightly hard for me to take him seriously. like the actor did a phenomenal job but i just couldn't help but see him as will. it was so jarring and also just a little bit funny. either way, i didn't hate the storyline as much as i thought but the connection between him and the schultz family did seem a little jarring? or like out of the blue? but i'm not sure if that's because of the writing or because of how long it took me to actually finish the show. but i think it was such an interesting way to connect the two plots even if it confused me?

then okay, like billy this season, he was a complete fucking psycho and usually ben barnes can make psychos be so hot but after he and dumont tried to like break frank by making him think he killed innocents, bro i was not on this man's side anymore. like i honestly was so mad at him. i haven't like been that mad at a character in so long, i was concerned for myself. honestly, i could have strangled billy in that moment. also dumont was just such a kind of dull character? i think the scene in like episode 12 when dumont and madani are having that conversation about like the trauma she (and billy and frank) went through was so good but that was like the most interesting i found her. i'd love to know your thoughts on her!

and like madani? i can't talk about madani without going too feral. like her and frank are my definition of bisexual panic. any time they are on the screen together, i go insane. the thought of the two of them actually is just- it's too much. i feel like madani doesn't get a lot of love in the fandom which always makes me sad because she is (to me) a literal goddess. but anyway.

i have so many more thoughts (mainly about how much i love frank and how fucking good a job jon does at portraying him) but this is already such a long message. i am SO sorry, i can do nothing but apologise

(the only reason it's so long is because none of my friends have actually watched the punisher so i have no one to talk to. sorry court <3)

i'm gonna ramble below the cut with you, please step into my office <3

those set pictures are ruining my life. like it still feels surreal that it's happening?? but i'm so happy they listened to the fans and seem to be taking the reboot seriously. also I know how protective charlie and jon are over matt and frank, so I trust they're making sure it's done right. akjdfhdfh you're too nice to me pls

I loved season 2, personally. it felt a little rushed, but I think that has to due with the fact that they planned more storylines and got cancelled because of the disney plus thing. I liked that we got to see a more fatherly side of frank with amy because it added so many more layers to his personality. we got to see it with the micro's kids, but we got to see it so much more with amy and I loved that

OMG WHEN WILL SHOWED UP I WAS LIKE SIR WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? WHERE IS JJ??? it's so funny you say that bc the first thing I saw that actor in was a horror movie and then criminal minds but I always think of those two when I see him lmao. the pilgrim/schultz storyline was a little strange but again I think it's one of those things where they planned for more and weren't able to do it with the cancellation

I did not care for dumont's character at all to be candid. I don't really feel like she added much to the storyline. my main complaint about billy in season 2 is he still looked too pretty LMAO. like I get it, it's ben barnes, they can only do so much, but frank rocked his shit too hard for him to have a few scratches. I would've preferred to see him be more evil and psycho and bloodthisty for revenge but that's just me

DINAH MADANI THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE. she and frank are the definition of bisexual panic. she's just...like that scene of her and karen in the conference room when she's asking her if she knows anything about frank being alive?? karen is a stronger woman than me bc I would've let her bend me over that table. dinah doesn't get enough love in this fandom and that doesn't sit right with me and I feel it is my civic duty to keep the thirst for her alive

pls don't apologize! I am happy to chat about frankie anytime :)

[toppamplemousse]

fic writer interview (ty @formulaocean for the tag!)

taken literally forever to get around to this but can never resist the opportunity to yap. below the cut <3

How many works do you have on ao3?

10 public and 6 anonymous hehe

What’s your total word count?

201,602 -- an INSANE amount. also considering that 1 fic makes up 100k of that, and all the other 15 are the other 100k. lol.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

there you'll stand (next to me) -- duh. this has 3x the amount of kudos as the next one LOL

bottle episode

temp get to you

La Rentrée

and then this one oop

i usually have them sorted by hits, but this is NO surprise. bottle ep and temp get to you were almost tied for kudos

Do you respond to comments? Why/ why not?

we try to all the time -- but its harder on the older fics. i genuinely try to respond to as many as possible but it just isn't feasible. but we are so so so so grateful for all of them

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

OBVIOUSLY my beloved neither do you. its the only unhappy ending and BOY is it unhappy

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

hmmm they all really have "happy endings" i suppose. some of the smut is less happy i guess LOL. probably there you'll stand because its happy AND you get to read about it. i usually love to end once they get together so you never get to see them actually like, in love etc.

Do you write crossovers?

not really!! its either canon or just. normal au

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no :( obviously i dont want hate but i did think stepdad sebchal might have elicited SOME haters.....alas. just means i need to make it worse.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

HELL YEA!!!!!! any kind. the more rancid the better

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i hope not (re: the plagiarism scandal -- id be honored that someone felt a fic was worth stealing. and then id kill them with hammers)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no lol. not crazy abt it sorry - too protective.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

THESIS OF THE ACCT. all of the fics are written by the two of us running this account. some more than others but there's always always been input for every single fic from both of us. except the anonymous ones. thats just me (charlie). sorry.

What's your all-time favourite ship?

we are first and foremost larry stylinson girls. always. but for f1 its lestappen DUH and then sebchal.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

sigh....... i'd love to think all the wips will get finished. but there's a landoscar spinoff of tys(ntm) that i doubt will ever get finished because we are now more anti-lando lol than we were when we started. so its hard to continue. also because i'm too interested in writing new things, not wanting to go back to that universe.

What are your writing strengths?

hmmm. tricky. i think we do angst quite well - it's much easier for me to make them Suffer than it is to write them happy and in love i think. like the emotions and torment just come a lot more natural. and i do think sometimes our smut does eat. personally.

What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUEEEEEE. this is charlie speaking saying em basically wrote all dialogue for TYS(NTM). and genuienly like. most of the KILLER lines were not me. i just can never think about what someone would say or how they would communicate if not blunt honesty. you can tell if i wrote the majority of a fic because it's just descriptions.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

occasional words -- fine. anything else, i don't necessarily agree with. there's usually errors and/or it just doesnt make sense for the intended audience.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

f1 babey!!!!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

like lets be fr, we are only writing f1. ship..... there's a maxiel/chestappen wip in the brain. i am not writing for the ship though. i am writing because the idea plagues me. but its always gonna be lestappen or sebchal. wait also. 4433 in the works.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

it always always has to be tys <3 but la rentree was the most fun to write for sure. and bottle episode. those 3 i think. but tys ... i cannot describe what it was like to spend 3 months writing this and editing and so many facetime calls and google doc comments and etc etc

tagging @gayferrari @bumblewyn @charleslelurk and (shooting my shot here) @chubbydino <3 and anyone else!!!!! MWAH

[its-all-papaya]

FIC WRITER INTERVIEW

ty for the tag @bright-and-burning booping u like a tumblr cat paw

How many works do you have on AO3?

uhhhh six if you count the lestappen i put on anon and the comp thing that's just a collection of kiss prompt fills that did not become their own fics

What's your total AO3 word count?

35,045

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

even if it ends (460)

anybody, nowhere (319)

the devil in me (310)

gentle with the ache (236) i am this fic's deadbeat dad like i'm not going to pretend i didn't write it but you can only interact with it if ur gonna be nice bc it makes me want to scream cry & throw up

the hollow hereafter (217)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i literally respond to every single comment ! if i don't know what to say i will think of something ! comments literally keep me alive. like i joke about writing for attention but genuinely the thought of receiving comments and reblog tags is what keeps me going on my wip's. i have the biggest praise kink that has EVER existed and god knows nobody is praising me for anything ever in my real life, so i gotta take what i can get. it's insane that real people read my words and have enough thoughts about them to like... type those thoughts out. so i must thank every individual person with a heart and a virtual kiss on their head.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

even if it ends for suuuure. i had people threatening self-harm in the ao3 bookmarks of that one in a loving way, and that's without even knowing about the rich inner life that i didn't expand on the way i originally planned to. in my brain, oscar has already decided to leave mclaren by the time the events of that fic happen bc their teammateship has gotten so self-destructive, so lando's "you can't stay" and oscar's "i know, but i want to anyway" is so much more knife-to-the-heart than y'all even realize.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uh. i don't really want to count the kiss prompts because they don't really exist to me as fic, so... anybody, nowhere i guess? the devil in me is not NOT happy. can i cheat and say dad lando even though it doesn't actually exist yet?

Do you write crossovers?

no jesus christ i can barely write characters outside of oscar and lando (and apparently max fewtrell according to like two people). adding in even MORE variables is making me nauseous just thinking about it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

"hate" is a strong word but there is a reason that my lestappen is on anon now.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do write it sometimes, but not very successfully (glaring at u lestappen garbage). i have two landoscar wip's that are basically pwp, but i just don't really think i'm good at smut, so idk if they'll ever go anywhere for real. the pacing is simply so impossible to me. like how soon is too soon to have an orgasm. also like 90% of my writing is just knockoff versions of my own emotions from various points, and so as someone who only hooks up with people for reasons not really related to actually getting off, i find it really really hard to write the build-up and come-down from smut WHILE ALSO really struggling with the actual acts. like what are normal people's brains doing before during and after making someone come? bc i guarantee it is not what my brain does. it just doesn't really compute unfortunately.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think my fics have existed long enough to be stolen tbh.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i wrote literally millions of words while roleplaying in any number of ships back in the day.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

i think probably steve/bucky of the marvel universe? i don't really fw it much at this exact moment because endgame literally ruined my life for a bit, but that's probably the ship i've enjoyed the most over the years.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

honestly all of my wip's outside of dad lando and that nutcracker thing i'm definitely not writing shhh. I will fight shave fic eventually i think. the wip that's absolutely never getting finished the most securely is the fake dating thing based on that kiss prompt i filled in like july. like it's a 50k concept that i have like 5k worth of motivation for.

What are your writing strengths?

um. i think just, like. prose that sounds nice? i think i did a good job putting readers inside of lando's head in anybody, nowhere, so i'd say i'm occasionally good at translating emotion/headspace too. actually i'll go ahead and say that about all of my published landoscar, because i think that's even if it ends' strength too. dad lando is less that way, but it has other things going for it.

What are your writing weaknesses?

i'm really really mean to myself, so it's hard to pick just one. i'm bad at writing characters distinctly i think. like i just make them do things based on what feels good in my brain and just hope that y'all don't think they're OOC, but whenever i stop to think "what would oscar say here?" it's like... blank. bc i don't know. and it's really MUCH worse with everyone outside of landoscar. i also don't think my pacing is very good and i get hung up on details people won't care about and also i have a compulsive need to make EVERYTHING a metaphor. i'm going to stop there bc insecurity isn't very cute but i also over-edit and introduce too many threads and i could literally go on all night

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i don't honestly see the point? because either you provide a translation, which defeats the purpose, or you don't, which makes it a secret for some readers but NOT the ones who speak the language in question. i'm spoiled by native-english-speakers landoscar as my primary ship, but i think if i ever wanted to write a convo between like. charles and pierre, ig, i would just write it in english and be like "they said in french" afterwards of smthn, idk. i think the only time i've written in not-english is that lestappen "after a long wait" kiss prompt and it was like a language device (haha) and not dialogue.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

i've only ever published on ao3 for F1. way way back i used to fill prompts on tumblr for one direction, which was the first fandom content of any kind that i wrote. the first actual fanfic i ever typed into a word document was finnpoe from the star wars sequel trilogy. so depends how you wanna define!

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

i got really really spooked by my lestappen adventure because it actually broke my brain for a bit, so now i'm scared to write anything but landoscar. i think the most likely non-landoscar ship i'd write is maxiel, probably? i saw them across the bar and loved their vibe. daniel feels kind of impossible for me to write though so idk if i ever will.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

anybody, nowhere i think, because i think it's the most complete thing i've done. i also really love how even if it ends turned out too, which is crazy bc i haaaaated it mid-writing process. i think it feels really like... i don't know. gritty? messy in a way that makes it authentic? idk how to describe. i think even if it ends has my favorite characterizations i've written for both lando AND oscar. but anybody, nowhere is my firstborn and i treasure her, so. yeah. tie, maybe.

tagging @fear8not1 (i know ur like. not on tumblr. but in case u would like to) and @volantium !!

[qoldenskies]

I need you to know I just binged the entirety of your Canary Continuity series in 4 hours and 20 minutes and I am going to be so sleep deprived tomorrow, but I don't care.

_____._____._._____._____

First few paragraphs in, I was in awe over how well you wrote the character interactions and represented their personalities, and I wanted to share it with literally everyone I know (to be honest, not that many people).

Midway through the first chapter, I was genuinely emotional because of how you did the whole feeling-ignored-and-dismissed thing. As the oldest in a family of eight (six kids, three significantly disabled and two (overlapping) super whiny and aggressive), I very often feel like a "shadow on the wall." Once in the middle of the living room I made up the most absurd story I've ever heard (literally couldn't stop laughing, which looking back on it probably made me look a little insane), and only got their attention near the end. I'll leave a room full of people without saying anything and feel hurt when no one notices. I'll finally get to be alone after a relatively good day and still feel like my lungs are imploding.

All of that to say that I felt so understood with the way you wrote that section of the book. You worded it in a way I never could, and I legitimately almost cried. I actually might have; I don't remember. It's too late for thoughts. I'm also very glad my relationships with my family are not following the trajectory of Caged Lungs. Holy cow.

It got very emotionally intense, but it never felt staged or unnatural. I often find when it gets to that stage of a book, it just doesn't hit right because the author didn't spend enough time building up to it. Here, nothing felt out of the blue, but it still hit hard. You conveyed the emotions so well, and I'm still filled with anxiety almost 30 minutes later.

Anyway, by the time I finished Caged Lungs, I no longer wanted to share it with every single person I know. It now feels like something engraved in my soul, like it would be sacrilegious to try and make someone else understand. If it makes any sense, I'll most definitely be sharing this with random strangers on the internet, but never anyone who knows me in real life.

_____._____._._____._____

Random thoughts 'cause my brain isn't working and I need to sleeeeep~

Brain keeps autocorrecting to Brian. One day I won't catch it.

Specifically on the more lighthearted side though, that little bit about Donnie and Leo cuddling in the chair melted my heart. That's the fluff I live for.

After reading Miner's Eulogy, I'm left hungry. You sucked me in and I have no desire to claw my way back out. I'm just going to be sad for the rest of my life now. I feel like you kind of implied that there'll be more, but I don't trust my reading comprehension right now. Just know that I'll be spying on your blog like that annoying sibling reading over your shoulder.

Also speaking of fluff. What I really want to see (as well as all of their revenge, of course), is some recovery hurt/comfort. Mostly I crave Donnie and Leo. Because twins.

Also your idea of how Leo became the medic is my favourite so far. It's stuck in my brain and it won't leave.

Thanks for giving me yet another fix to scream internally over for months, and for reading my ramblings. I'm going to sleep, and I will probably dream of turtles.

wow there's so much here im not even sure where to start,,, it is always so surprising to hear that my work is so emotionally evocative for so many people, hearing you really resonated with caged lungs emotionally means so much to me and im not even sure how to articulate it!!! i mean its certainly a success on my part because its what i WANTED to do (at least for myself) but still.... waow

im glad i nailed the characterization as well, especially early on!! i really wanted to make a point establishing that i did understand and could establish the way they operated early on so it didnt just feel out of character and sudden when they were twisted into something so hateful, the slow build from what i could make as close to as canon characterization as possible while keeping the tone to how they turned out in the end was something i was very intent on getting right >:3 (especially for donnie, actually... its fun to contrast the earliest few scenes with the final ones because the difference is so jarring, ESPECIALLY in the way donnie acts)

AND DO NOT WORRY THERE'LL BE MORE!!! im doing a multichapter next which will proooobably be the last installment, but i dont have a chapter estimate for it and i know itll DEFINITELY be longer than caged lungs was. idk i'll have little reason to keep writing in the universe after i finish the brunt of recovery but if i think of anything (or get a request particularly good) maybe i'll keep chugging along.

and a lot of people said they want some hurt/comfort with the twins in particular and [staring at the upcoming scene that has leo in it] ouuuuuhhhhh uhhhh hrmmm. there's gonna be some Complications. but it'll happen eventually!!! <3333 this ask made me grin like an idiot reading it tysm

[conartisthaiji]

20 questions for writers

got tagged by @clementinecoastline thanks clem <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

84!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

313,665 (bitch. what)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i've written for so many different fandoms over the years...these days it's mostly just life series, haikyuu, and qsmp though

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. hands, knees, please, tangerine (come on back to me)

4.scar's magical emporium for lost grians

3. i never get bored looking at you (because every time i see something new)

2. i'm in your bed, why are you in your twitch chat?

how to get over heartbreak

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

almost always!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooh i don't write a lot of angst (and also i barely remember anything posted before 2021) but. and we're gonna let it burn is pretty tragic like whenever i reread that one i'm like who the fuck let me write that.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i typically write fluff so...pick literally any of my haikyuu fics! or emporium

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope...fingers crossed it stays that way too

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

only once. it's friends with benefits.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

that would all the shit i wrote back in 2013. we don't talk about those days.

(it was frozen/rotg/tangled/brave/httyd if you didn't know)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

as far as i know, nope! fingers crossed it stays that way too

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YEAH me and @huiplash wrote a fic together but alas it remains incomplete. and probably always will LOL

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

god. i don't know. tokomaru from udg will always be special to me, these days i'm completely insane about griddlehark and scarian, bokuaka was really special to me when i was deep into haikyuu...oh and runayachi is now my personality trait on my hq sideblog. this is hard.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

GOD like all of them?

realistically it's the desert duo idol/exes with benefits au, but i'm loathe to delete the project because i'm obsessed with the ideas i've created for it. also maybe the goshihina six swans au, desperate as i am to finish that one...it's been sitting in my wips for two years now :,)

16. What are your writing strengths?

i write good dialogue i think!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

WORLDBUILDING i am so bad at worldbuilding. the characters are in there for the PLOT which is KISSING. also setting i suck at setting. but that's related to worldbuilding i think.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

honestly it's not something that i ever thought much about until the qsmp but i feel like if it's true to the character and you're comfortable writing in that language then yeah why not?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

first ever fandom was frozen, but on ao3 the first thing i ever published was actually for toradora!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

and i'll never go home again is probably my all-time favorite thing i've ever written, but the pissever hs yuri au is a close second (even though that one is three fics. emotionally they are one though).

tagging @astrowaffles @strawberryclementine @verytendou and @reineyday

[animentality]

Hi! I read your book and I enjoyed it thoroughly and I can't wait for the next installment cause I'm curious where you're going to take things and also your way of writing is very unique and I'd love to experience it again!

Also "Happy moments with unhappy people" lives rent free in my head now thank you

Also the way you wrote the flashbacks made it my favorite part of the book and I ended up looking forward to the next one about halfway through and I'm obsessed with Rey specifically like I know he literally says he only has the fact that he's hot going for him but hot enough to get THAT many people utterly obsessed with him? I need to have words with him his game is INSANE

Also also also I found your style a little weird AT FIRST, but then once I got used to it the flow was perfect and I got literally possessed by the book until I finished it and the flashback with Anaheim hit me like a goddamn freight train

Like Rey is this little sunshine outwardly but sombre and mature in his relationships and that was already a gut punch but then Anaheim happened and everything just suddenly clicked. Like Rey became so human to me that now I every time I think about him I get a pit in my stomach (/extremely positive)

I am a little insane for your book thank you so much for writing it and I'll be re-reading it very soon and I hope I get absolutely destroyed the second time through <3

(I think Rey's charms were so powerful even through a phone screen he's making me read the book again <3)

(Also genuinely last note I'm sorry I'm unwell for your book but the world/city had impeccable vibes and I felt a longing after I finished reading, like I wanted to be in the world a little longer and I cannot think of a higher compliment for your worldbuilding)

I love your book <3!!!

;-;

Never apologize for feeling unwell for my book, I am grinning irl like a madman after reading this ask.

This is the best ask I've ever gotten for 7 deadly habits, congrats.

This is what I write for. Asks like these...you're too kind.

I'm so glad you liked it.

I'm so glad you understand Rey so well.

I'm so glad you came around to my weirder writing style. I know it's a bit of an adjustment for most people, but I'm glad you found its rhythm and now you get it.

Totally would've been ok if you didn't though, because I know it's a lot.

But ahhhhhh.

Your love for Rey...you get him!

He really is vivacious and lively and charming...except when he's not.

That little pun about how he's a ray of sunshine...and it's true. However.

It's also just a front.

The greater depth of his character comes from pain.

He is someone who has hurt a lot of people and been hurt badly.

And bravely carrying on...well, is it brave, if he simply can't face the truth?

If he has to hold it inside and keep himself together with cracked armor, this thing veneer of the person he used to be, back before he you know. Spoilered.

I'm so glad you appreciated him.

Some people don't get him.

But you've understood the assignment!!

And I just love flashbacks. They're my weakness and they're absolutely overindulgent but I can't help it. I love them too much.

I'm so glad you understood them. You liked them.

I always try to make them as evocative and lonely and somber and sometimes, rarely, too good to be true.

Memory is like that, you know. You remember things better than they were.

You have to, in order to survive...

Anyway, I'm gonna print out this ask and frame it.

You did it. You got me ready to tackle 7 deadly habits 2 again.

I'm ready to finish editing it and have it out by August.

I'm going to, goddamnit. Even if it's just for one person in the entire world...it's worth it.

Thank you so much for this ask ;-;

7 deadly habits means the world to me and then this ask hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.

The asks that keep me writing novels...in the dark times, when I feel like I'm writing for no one...

Thank you for taking time out of your day to write this. I'll think about this ask for years.

[astrobei]

Hi I just read your story “I might be hoping about this” for the first time and it’s SO GOOD!! I love fics that explore character relations like that, and I definitely love a good, fluffy sickfic! I know you wrote it a little while ago, but I would literally do anything for a part 2. It’s so well written and I’d love to see more of that story!! Regardless, i loved it, you did a fantastic job!! <3

hiiii omg thank you so much! i know i wrote this fic just about a year and a half ago (??? insane) but for some reason i have received soooooooo so so many asks in that time wondering if i’d write a part 2 for it (another couple of asks like this are rotting in my inbox rn i am so sorry to anyone who sent one omg) and also very sorry if this answer is so super long but i just wanted to fully explain my thought process for this fic/the pt. 2 questions!!

first and foremost i’m so glad you enjoyed it! that fic was a very special one for me to write because it was my foray into established relationship, which i previously swore i’d never write (lol) and also because physical touch and acts of service are definitely how i show love in romantic relationships so it was just many thousands of words of me projecting hopelessly onto the two of them 😗 unfortunately i have never really had any plans to continue this story in a part 2 — so many people have asked for one and i hate to disappoint, but this fic has always existed in my mind as a one-parter, and i don’t think i could write a follow up without it falling flat or feeling way too repetitive :( for me personally it’s very important that i feel i’m doing justice to the story i’m writing, even if it means doing things like sacrificing a reasonable word count (stares at my 30k+ oneshots and chapter updates) for the sake of good pacing and time to flesh out scenes i think are important to include, etc. i just unfortunately don’t feel like i would be able to do this universe and story justice with a part 2, which is why i don’t think i’ll ever write one. so so sorry to disappoint but i do appreciate your dedication to the fic and i’m glad it touched you!! byler and domestic intimacy are two things that are very important to me and i do have a couple of concepts that i haven’t yet written that would definitely also explore this dynamic for them — if you can bear to stick around until i finally end up writing them LOL. thank you so much for the kind words (and so sorry to the atrociously long answer i gave for a very simple ask) 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽