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chaosduckies · 5 months ago

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Friends In Small Places (Chapter 1)

The size shifter story is finally here! This is more of a slightly sad piece, even though this first chapter isn’t really all that gloomy and monochrome, I actually have this entire plot line planned out and everything, and whew is the ending going to be something.

But I hope you enjoy! (this chapter is mainly just for introductions so I’m sorry if there really isn’t anything interesting TwT)

Word Count: 4.2k

CW: Depression, major anxiety, slight gore warning? (Though nothing actually happens)

1-Liam

Today the main hall was bustling with people crowding the board that had all of the activities and clubs posted on. Most of the time people didn’t care all too much about it, only the people who were actually in those clubs, but today was different for some reason. Fitting in between the seemingly hundreds of people, I saw what the commotion was all about. The psychology classes were all being called to a meeting at four. Which was when most classes ended, but still. It’s rare that this school ever calls meetings. It just so happens that I was taking psychology though.

I sighed, moving back on the free sidewalk get to the library. A friend was waiting for me to help her study for a test she had in just a few hours. I thought I might as well help seeing that I’ve already taken the course. I used to think that college was extremely strict from how my old high school teachers described it, but in reality it’s not that hard when you just take the time to study and take a few practice tests the day before one. It was just two-and-a-half years before I major in psychology and become a therapist. Well, that was my dream anyways. In this world, it was a lot harder given that most therapists get assigned to a size shifter. That was something I didn’t want to do. Well, maybe if it was one who could only shrink, but that’s maybe it. It freaks me out knowing that there are some shifters who could be as tall as a small skyscraper, and some even bigger. A shiver ran down my spine even thinking about it. But that won’t happen.

Among the few people sitting at the quiet tables lines with pencils, a few pieces of notebook paper, and a lamp that barely even worked, there was a girl waving her arms around aimlessly trying to gain my attention. I laughed softly before walking and sitting down next to her. It seemed she had been here for hours with how she kept her space. Papers spewed all across with scribbled down notes that was barely even legible, colored pens in a mixed mess with her other writing supplies. It made you wonder how she had even made it to college.

“I see you’ve been hard at work, Rhya.” I set my slightly heavy bag down and started attempting to clean up the vast sums of paper all over the desk and try to keep her notes in order.

“Yeah well, not everyone can be all neat and tidy as you are.” She lightly elbowed me before grabbing the stack of papers in my hand and shoving them in a folder. I guess she was going to re-do them after all. Either that or she didn’t need them. Despite this being primarily a nursing and health school, Rhya was in the art department. Of course she had to take the core classes along with her own elective, but she plans on becoming a graphic designer.

“It’s not my fault I know how to study and you don’t.” I joked around, watching her pull out her computer and grab a few empty pages on notebook paper and her calculus book.

“And it’s not my fault you don’t know how to have any fun.” She stuck her tongue out playfully before pulling up a practice test.

“Hey I know how to have fun, just not when I know I have better things to worry about.” She solved the first problem right, pumping her fist up in the air as she wrote down the question and highlighted everything she needed to do. I’m also guessing she planned to study whatever notes she was making.

“I guess you have a point. How’s that psychology major coming along?” She had asked, writing down the problem and attempting to solve it. I sighed, pointing to the number she was missing, “You square root that,” Rhya groaned, “It’s going good. We have some kind of weird meeting later today though.”

“Oh? Do you know what about?” Rhya asked, but I could tell she was hiding something from me. She knew something.

“No. Do you?” I skeptically looked at her, earning a side eye right back as she had paused her writing for a moment.

“Would you believe me if I said no?” She grumbled, I shook my head, a slight smile forming on my face. She knew I would win this argument.

“Okay well, this might not be true, but I heard that a few psychology students were chosen to have a training. Like, the real deal kind of thing. Size shifter and all. That the ones chosen were supposed to act like one of those special therapists.” My heart nearly skipped a beat at the news. Where did she even hear this from in the first place? There’s no way that’s even real.

“You’re kidding, right?” I laughed nervously. Even if it was true, I doubt they’d choose a sophomore. I’ve only really had a few practices and I still have a couple more years until I become the real deal.

“Would I lie to you?” She turned to me, a worried look on her face. Did she think I would have to go through with that? I sincerely doubt it. There was no way they’d put me on whatever list they have going on. Maybe my upperclassman though. They could choose Chelsey, she was really good with everyone and a senior. They’d most likely choose her. Maybe even Ryan since he was really experienced. Actually, he was a size shifter himself, but he’s so good at controlling his emotions that he doesn’t even need to worry about accidentally shooting up a couple feet.

“Ah, it doesn’t matter. I doubt they choose someone with barely any experience. Don't’ worry about it.” I smiled, pointing back to Rhya’s computer to tell her that she needed to get to studying and stop worrying about me. Seriously, she really needed to study otherwise she was going to fail. I can almost guarantee that she’ll be crying to me later when she fails her test. Not my fault she doesn’t study.

——————

The gym was a large space, but our entire class only took up one tiny portion of the bleacher space as our instructor and several other people dressed up in fancy suits were talking on the ground. I sat next to Ryan, who was playing with the green-colored band on his wrist, showing that he was in one of the five classes of size shifters. Purple represented that they could shrink down to an inch or maybe even smaller if their emotions had the better of them. Blue represented that they could shrink too, but not as much as the one’s with a purple wrist. Green represented that they could both shrink and grow, but only to a certain height. Yellow meant that the shifter could grow to be the size of about a small building, or maybe even a little more depending on how they’re feeling. Red was by far the worst one. To me at least. The shifter’s with a red band can grow to heights you could only dream of. Which was why all shifters with a red band were all forced to be with a specialized therapist for only them. Because if they lose control of their emotions, it could end pretty badly.

“I’m glad you all saw the announcement on the board. I’m a little surprised really.” Mr. Smith shoved his hands in his front pant pockets, taking a look at all of us before his eyes laid on me, smiling warmly. Why? Something was up.

“These two gentlemen here are the head of the SSU. Also known as the company that helps size shifters in need. Recently, there has been a shortage of individuals that are willing to work with shifters in helping them control themselves. These two are on the look for candidates-in-training to help fill those missing spots.”

The two men in suits walked to the front, holding out a clipboard. Those had whoever was going to be picked for this. But why this school? There was another college not too far from here. They could choose from them. Unless they were, and the “tiny” shortage was actually a big one. Or… no. They wouldn’t do that, right? It’s the SSU, they’ve literally helped the world become safer for decades. They wouldn’t be doing an experiment, would they?

“It’s wonderful to see all sixty-two of you young scholars gathered here today. As your professor already said, we are both from the head office at SSU looking for the best of the best to fill in those empty spots, regardless if you do or don’t have any experience.” That last part made a shiver run down my spine. Ryan turned his head to me, patting me on the back. There was no way they’d choose a nobody like me. No way in hell.

“This list contains twenty of you who will be taking part in this. You will be in charge of taking care of your designated partner until we can find a professional replacement suited well enough to take over. If I call your name, please stay behind after we dismiss everyone.” The tall man smiled, looking down at the clipboard and calling several names. The anxiety pricked my skin like icicle shards, it had almost seemed like the man reading off names was speaking in slow motion. A few deep breaths, and it was back to normal.

“Ryan Wright.” He smiled while earning several compliments and congratulations from his fellow classmates.

“Chelsey Torres.” She giggled a few seats away from us.

“And Liam Rover.”

My muscles tensed up at the mention of my name. I couldn’t tell if my heart had stopped or if it was just beating horrifyingly fast. I could tell people were trying to praise me, but I couldn’t hear, their appraisal only reaching my ears in a muffled and slow manner. I managed the most sincere smile I could while trying to hide how much I was trembling. Maybe this would be okay? Maybe I’ll be lucky and not be paired up with a shifter who could potentially crush me between two if their fingers if they really wished to. Was the room cold or was it just me?

“Everyone else may head to their dorms. Thank you for coming.”

After everyone had filed out of the empty gym, the other shorter man dressed in an identical suit as the taller one started calling out our names all over again, handing them a red folder with presumedly the shifter we’ll be assigned. Was this how it was when you’re actually a professional? You just get assigned to one? You don’t get to know them or anything?

Once I was handed my folder, I dreaded every single second of opening it. Please let it be easy, please let it be easy, please let it be eas-

Oh.

It was only a picture of who we were partnered up with and anything that might be worth mentioning about them. Wow was I overreacting. Then again, that didn’t exactly smoothen out the anxiety that was still pricking at my skin. Though, this shifter didn’t seem so bad. If anything, he actually looked pretty nice. The only thing I had noticed was that he was diagnosed with depression. He kind of looked like it too if I were being honest. It seemed hard for him to smile for the picture. Why did I also get the hint that he wasn’t feeling very good either? I guess I’ll find out when we officially meet.

“Inside you’ll find who your partner will be for the foreseeable future. You’ll still be coming to your classes, which was why we mainly wanted to stick with the upperclassmen, and afterward go back to where we are currently housing your designated shifter. You have three days to pack everything you need and want, and you’ll soon be living off campus. Just think of it was having a roommate that needs constant supervision.”

Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I’m almost entirely confident that this shifter won’t really be a big deal. I mean, he looks about a year or two younger than me. So he just graduated high school? Agh, I have no idea. I’m just jumping to conclusions. But, hopefully they won’t make me handle anything crazy. That I can’t do.

——————

They were driving me across the city to go meet up with the shifter I’ll be taking care of for however long. For all I know it could be a few days or weeks. I would think someone would want to step up for the job instead of letting students do this, but I guess not. Chelsey and Ryan have texted me a few times that they were getting settled in already while I was still heading over. It was already around thirty minutes just to get across the place, so that means I’ll have to take a bus almost everyday just to make it to my classes. That’s just great, but I’m in no position to complain. I actually tried talking with Professor Smith about it, but he told me that he had no say in the matter at all, which was weird. I doubt he would want his younger students to even take part in this.

Along the streets were the many, many buildings that both accommodated for humans and their much larger or smaller companions. Although I’ve only ever been around Ryan about twice when he’s giant, it really wasn’t that bad. He can only grow till someone was like the height if his entire hand so it really wasn’t even that bad. Of course it’s still nerve-racking, but I trust him. Plus, we were at a small party with our little friend group. I doubt he could even bring himself to hurt someone. So really I wasn’t too worried. The only other shifter I’ve been around is an old high school friend of mine, but she goes to a different college now.

Hundred of houses passed by us as we drove into a little neighborhood. What really made me worried was that the driver wasn’t exactly stopping at the normal-sized houses. Where was he going? I watched grimly as some of the huge houses we passed by came to a halt to one on the very end of one of the many streets. This one wasn’t as big as the other one’s down the street, but it wasn’t exactly small either. At least to me. So… I was paired up with a shifter who could only grow. That’s great. Just… great.

I grabbed my bag and the small suitcase I had brought with me that was just full of my clothes and some stuff for school. Well if I’m supposed to stay here almost all of the time now I have to find something to keep me busy. And apparently from the immense size difference that will be between my new roommate and I. Of course I was terrified! If he really is diagnosed with depression and was a shifter who grew that only made matters worse for me. I hope whoever plans to take over for me does it soon.

It took me and the driver to reach the doorstep, but eventually the driver gave it a knock. I swear I could hear some mumbling coming from the other side, but I didn’t dwell too much on that. Most.y because the extremely large door started to open slowly, but I saw no one on the other side. Maybe he was shy?

“Well I may take my leave, though I have been ordered to tell you that a bus comes in the morning at around 6 just down the street from here, and another will take you back here around 5 and 8. Also, if anything goes wrong, to call this number on your phone.” He handed me a folded slip of paper, then took his leave. I shoved the slip in my pocket, hesitantly taking a few steps into the huge house.

It was neatly cleaned around the place, though I couldn’t really see from my view on the ground. Everything around me was huge. I mean I’ve been to one of the rooms on the bigger side of the campus, but those rooms were smaller. It’s not an entire house filled with furniture.

As I took a few steps out more, I jumped when the door had lightly closed behind me. My eyes trailed up and up, finding the face of the person I had seen in the picture. His eyes grew wide when I met his gaze, then bit the bottom of his lip before sliding his back against the wall behind him.

Everything in my body told me to run, but if I did then I would only get scolded for it later. This isn’t even what I wanted to be! I wanted to be a normal therapist that helps regular adults and kids feel better. Not a human who could easily trap me in a fist and just kill me. I would have been fine if they could only shrink, but this was much worse.

I faced down, taking a few deep breaths that barely even help me in this situation. I had to take care of someone fifty times my own size? How was that even possible? There weren’t even any smaller sized things around this place. Nothing that could help me get around easier either!

I guess I could attempt to get his name. I mean, nothing could go wrong then, right? Just maybe from a distance… even if he could, at any point in time, just grab me whenever he so wanted. I felt sick just thinking about being held. Wouldn’t I have to be though? I can’t exactly just climb everywhere I want to go.

“H-hi. Um, I’m Liam.” I forced myself to walk closer, even under his gaze, but I stopped walking closer when he moved himself further in the corner, looking a bit saddened. He probably knew I was scared. Maybe. I hope I’m some-what hiding it well enough. Though, I’ve never really been that good at it.

“Oh, um, C-Casper. You can call me Cas if you want.” He kept his voice to a very quiet whisper. So he knew that if he talked too loud it would hurt my ears. At least he’s self-aware. Though, I couldn’t help but feel bad. I may be utterly terrified of him, but I mean he hasn’t really given me a reason to be truly scared, yet.

“Nice to m-meet you, Cas.” I put on my best fake genuine smile. What? Have to find some way to convince him I wasn’t scared. Even if my body was trembling like crazy and my heart threatened to just come right out of my mouth.

“Y-you too, sir.” His hand slightly twitched, but he just shook his head, giving me a sad look. ‘Sir?’ Why did he call me that? I didn’t dwell on it. Instead, I turned to look at the place, not finding a place to put my stuff. I sighed, hurrying to place it up against the wall opposite of Cas. This would be fine. Yeah, yeah.

Casper, overall, seemed pretty nice. He had a black, messy hair that complimented his light-brown eyes. He wore a baggy long-sleeve shirt with a pair of jeans I have no idea why he was just wearing jeans in his own house, but it’s whatever he wants to do. Not my place to comment. The only real thing that caught my attention were the light bags in his eyes. Has he been sleeping?

“Did you want to come here? Like, willingly?” He had asked, slightly leaning a little closer to my spot in the middle of the floor. I admit, it made me a little uneasy, but I don’t think he realized it. It just made it really hard to answer his question when all I could think about was how easily he could kill me right now. He wouldn’t do that, right? He seems so nice. Even if I’m barely two inches to him and I could easily just be crushed or accidentally killed if he wasn’t being too mindful. I shuddered at the thought, but forced my voice to work with me.

“I-I’m just a student at a college. They just told us we were going to help out shifters, for like, real-world training I guess.” I started speaking a little fast and I could hear my voice slowly get quieter the more Cas seemed to lower his body to me. I felt so small compared to him. It’s overwhelming really, but it’s not like I can just back out. I already asked and they said if I did then I wasn’t cut out to stay in the classes. Seriously, all I wanted was to either be a therapist or a social worker. Not take on these huge responsibilities of making sure an entire living being is doing okay and doesn’t have any malicious intent to just… Aghhhh.

“Oh. Well, I’m not exactly the best person to be paired up with.” He laughed sadly, holding up his wrist and revealing a red band. A little squeak left my mouth as I stood in place, practically frozen in fear. Why did they pair me up with him? They gave me more than I can handle. There was no way I could do this. I bit the side of my cheek, struggling to keep my composure.

Cas caught onto my fear, scooting as far away from me as he could while making sure I wouldn’t freak out. Why did he move away? I was going to be fine. I think- But I was okay. Just as long as I keep a certain distance from him for a while. It takes me a long time to adjust to new things, and this might take me a while, but I couldn’t just do nothing. It was obvious to me that Cas was afraid of something, I just couldn’t figure out what just yet.

“I’m fine, Cas, I promise.” I nervously smiled, hiding how terrified I was. Shifters with a red band can grow to heights you could only dream of. Great. Seriously, what have they done? They think I can handle someone who already looks like he’s struggling to keep himself together just by meeting me? I didn’t really want to find out what would happen if he doesn’t contain his emotions. Was there a person partnered up with him before? I knew I wasn’t going to be getting any answers, but there was no harm in asking them.

“O-Okay,” He whispered, getting in a more comfortable sitting position, “Are you sure though? I don’t mind giving you an hour or two to get used to… everything.” He looked away for a second, and I could tell something was on his mind. Along with the constant moving away every time I had tried to walk closer, or when he knew I was scared of him, I would think to say that he’s scared of himself. Or, at least hurting other people. It makes sense actually. I’ve heard stories that a lot of shifters realize that they can really hurt people and just try their hardest not to interact with people smaller than themselves. It’s like they collapse on themselves since they don’t want to hurt anyone. I guess Cas and I weren’t so different.

“Okay, look, it’s obvious that you’re more afraid of yourself than I am of you,” Cas’s eyes widened, “How about we both try to help each other out? I’ll keep trying if you do.” I held out my hand without thinking. A compromise between the two of us. I know we both met like five minutes ago, but I’m pretty sharp for people my age with little experience. But, honestly, maybe this wasn’t so bad. I think all that Cas wanted was the relief that he won’t hurt people. Or something like that.

“You’d go through with all that? I’m not exactly mentally stable.” I could tell that he was worried, but I just nodded my head, a genuine smile on my face that I hoped he could see.

He eyed my hand for a while, and I still hadn’t realized what was wrong until he lightly pinched my hand between the tip of his pointer and thumb, barely even lifting it up and down for my own sake. Oh he has no idea how scared I was right now, but he didn’t have to know that. Just a little more pressure and he could just yank my arm right off-I shook that thought away. Don’t think about that right now. It would be okay. Just as long as I get an idea of what to do when he does eventually lose control or something. I had zero idea. I think the thought that stuck in the back of my mind was making me more worried than anything really. I’m just a stress toy for him. But I’ll just have to get over my fear. There was no way I would let this stop me from graduating. Not in a million years.

——————

Sorry for a slightly boring chapter! I did a LOT of world building for this one, and had to map out almost every single interaction through the course of the entire story plot. There also wasn’t much g/t but again, it’s just an introduction chapter. (I’m doing what I love and no one can stop me hehehe-)

But I hope you enjoyed reading! I promise the second chapter will have a much, much better g/t interaction. (Oh trust me it will >:3) I hope you all have a great day/night!

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rentsturner · 1 year ago

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If you’ve a lesson to teach me… - AT

professor!alex turner x fem!reader

Warnings: established student/teacher relationship, smut, spanking (with a riding crop), oral (male receiving), tiny bit of face fucking, bdsm undertones, unprotected piv sex, sir kink, alex has tattoos, aftercare, teensy bit of angst but lots of fluff, cuddling.

A/n: this is from a request where reader gets a bad grade and Alex ‘punishes’ her. It’s very smutty, but there’s fluff at the end I promise. Thank you as always to my bestie @martinipoliz who wrote like 25% of this fic and is always putting up with me and my moods, couldn’t do it without her. As always, if you don’t like it, don’t read it :)

Today is the day.

The day that you’ve been dreading all week and wishing it wouldn’t come, but it still has.

Last month, Alex gave your class a task which was due last week, and you had barely submitted it on time. Three minutes before the deadline, you were just so relieved that you finished the essay, but not without receiving a disapproving look from Alex as he took the paper from your hands.

To say that you’re nervous about your grade would be an understatement.

You’re fucking terrified.

It was unlike anything Alex had ever given before, and you’re not going to deny that you did struggle a bit coming to terms with some of the subject matter, so that it took you way too long to finally understand it, and even longer to come up with sentences that didn’t sound like absolute dogshit.

You had even tried asking Alex to maybe help you in some parts but then immediately backtracked when he gave you a stern stare that meant you can do this yourself, and so you accepted your fate and gave everything you could and hoped for a miracle.

And who are you kidding? That miracle did not happen.

Because the essay lands on your desk, a large red B- staring up at you, and suddenly getting swallowed by the ground doesn’t sound too bad at the moment.

For you, a B- isn't necessarily bad, but it’s not as good as you usually do. And you know for certain that Alex is not happy with it, by the way he sighs as he hands you the paper and looks down at you pointedly. He taps the ‘B-’ with one long finger.

“Not quite up to your usual standard, sweetheart.” he mutters, quiet enough just for you to hear, and your ears turn red in embarrassment.

And then he’s off, hurriedly handing out the rest of the papers and giving praise to other students, and your heart sinks. To top it all off, you hear him saying “good job, darling,” to the girl sitting at the front while you got nothing. Not even a mere good job too.

You rifle through the pages of your essay, reading Alex’s comments written in red pen. Most of them are constructive criticism, things that you can improve on quite easily, except for the note at the bottom of the page: ‘SEE ME AFTER CLASS’.

You sit through the rest of the class nervously, hands fidgeting, struggling to keep still. Alex notices your restlessness and sends you a stern look from the front of the class. Your stomach twists and clenches just thinking about what he might have planned for you, it’s making you hot and bothered just thinking about it, as well as incredibly nervous.

Alex has talked about punishment before, it’s come up a few times in the relationship that you’ve been having for the past four months. He’s rather very good at communicating and negotiating stuff with you, telling you to be open to him without feeling any shame, and you did.

You told him about the things you wanted to try out and he listened, nodded, indulged your fantasies without making you feel judged or walking on eggshells. Your confession ranged from giving him full authority over you during sex, to negotiating what kind of punishments you’d be comfortable with when you misbehaved. It seems that conversation will be coming in useful now.

Finally, Alex wraps up the class and dismisses the other students. You slowly pack up your notes and pens, waiting patiently for everyone else to filter out the class before making your way to Alex’s desk.

He’s piling up his papers, the sleeves of his white dress shirt neatly rolled up to the elbows.

When your shadow crosses over his desk, he looks up at you. His eyes are soft, but you can tell he’s disappointed.

“I know it was a hard paper, but I did expect better from you, darling.”

“I tried, Al, I promise, I just -”

“Maybe you need a reminder of how hard you should be working. You don’t get to coast in this class just because you’re fucking me. Handing it in with 3 minutes to go wasn’t acceptable either.” He raises his eyebrow at you before going back to stacking his papers.

You stay quiet, guilt and embarrassment rolling in your stomach. He’s right. You’re usually better than this, maybe you have taken your foot off the pedal the last few weeks. It wasn’t like you to hand in papers late, or struggle to write about a subject that you love. But you had been tired recently, it was getting to that time of year where everyone starts to burn out, you included.

Alex seems to notice your silence. He stops messing with his papers and places one hand on your shoulder, brushing his thumb gently along your skin.

“Look, I am a little disappointed in you, darling, and I admit that I expected better. But don’t mistake my disappointment as me being mad, because it’s different. If I was mad at you, I would’ve already bent you over this desk.” He chuckles at that, and you manage to crack a smile too, a jolt of electricity running through you from the thoughts that that comment incites.

“But, this is just me reminding you that just because I’m your boyfriend, that doesn’t make me any less of your teacher.” Alex squeezes your shoulder and you nod at him, understanding what he’s saying. Because he’s right, Alex is still your teacher, and you want to impress him with your work, not coast through his class.

Alex continues marking papers for a bit while you do some revision, taking your usual spot at the end of his desk. He notices you yawning and losing focus after a while, so he offers to order you an Uber back to his flat. You’re practically living at Alex’s place at the moment, half of your clothes and toiletries are there, and it’s a lot easier to go to and from school from his.

Alex walks you to the pick up point, one hand planted protectively on the small of your back - he’s planning to stay on campus for a little longer to finish marking, as he wants you all to himself when he gets home later.

When the Uber arrives, he grabs the door for you, ushering you into the car while he whispers, “I expect you to be naked and kneeling by the bed when I get back. If not, then you’d find yourself in more trouble than you already are.”

You shiver a little at his words, suspecting there would be some element of punishment involved tonight, but now that Alex has confirmed it, you’re incredibly excited. This is something you’ve wanted for a while, and obviously you didn’t want to do badly on your paper, but maybe something good can come out of it…

When you arrive at Alex’s flat, you manage to have a quick nap in an attempt to calm your nerves.

An hour later, you’re kneeling on the floor, ready and waiting. Your skin is coming out in goosebumps, partly from the cool air on your bare skin, partly from the anticipation of Alex arriving home. You rub your thighs together, trying to create some friction to ease the ache in your cunt. The sound of the door opening and then slamming shut startles you a little, your stomach dropping in excitement as you realise Alex is finally back. You hear him drop his bags in the hallway, then his long strides echo through the house as he makes his way up to the bedroom. The suspense is killing you now, you're practically shaking as you wait in your kneeling position for him. You just hope he’s impressed.

The door swings open and Alex enters, a smirk growing as he takes you in, naked and kneeling for him. You swear you see his pupils dilate, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“What a sight to see, really,” he comments, leaning down fully and pressing both of his hands on his knees to meet your eyes. “If only I get to see this every day I come home. Would you mind it, darling? Would you mind if I ask you to be in this exact position every day, naked and vulnerable, waiting for your Sir like a good girl?”

You shake your head, then open your mouth to speak. “I wouldn’t, sir.”

“Good. Because it’d be such a shame if you do,” Alex flashes you a smile, leaning forward to peck your lips. “But let’s not forget why you’re currently here in that position now, yeah? Can you tell me? Tell me the reason why I’m punishing you, wanna hear you say it.”

“I –” your lips quiver, gulping down hard. “Because I got a B- on my paper, sir.”

“That’s right,” he nods, now standing up straight and fixing his posture. “And what am I gonna do to you exactly?”

“Straighten me out?”

Alex laughs softly at your reply, bringing one of his hands up to pet your hair gently. It’s a small gesture yet still manages to make your stomach erupt with butterflies. “Not the words I would use, but sure, darling – I’ll straighten you out.”

Alex quickly discards his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves, exposing his arms. You feel yourself gush just looking at them, the veins snaking across his pale skin, marred only by the intricate tattoos extending from his wrists up into the sleeves of his shirt. You think about how the patterns curl around his shoulders, spreading into wings across his back, how you trace them so gently when he’s sleeping, admiring the beauty of him.

Alex interrupts your thoughts, opening his wardrobe and rummaging around in there for a bit. You squirm with anticipation, having no idea what your boyfriend might have planned for you, only knowing that it’s going to be intense.

Alex turns round to face you, a menacing grin plastered across his face, and your eyes are immediately drawn to the object in his hands – a long, slim riding crop, the end a double fold of stiff leather. Your eyes widen, your heart racing as you watch Alex tap the end against his hand.

“What do you think of this, baby? Think you can take it?”

You nod again, but Alex needs more this time”

“Need your words for this, love. What’s your colour?”

“G–Green, sir, so green, please.”

Alex smirks. He takes a few strides so he’s standing over you, stroking your hair gently, and you can’t help but nuzzle into his palm.

“On the bed, baby. You know what to do.”

He points the crop to the king sized bed behind you, following you as you stretch your stiff legs and make your way over. You sink slowly onto the soft mattress, knowing exactly what position Alex wants you in – ass up, face down. You stretch your arms out in front of you to support your head and try to relax your thighs, presenting your bare cunt and ass to Alex. You can hear his breathing quicken as he takes you in – he’s just as excited as you are.

“I want you to count these out for me, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

You feel the bed dip behind you as Alex takes his position, then hear the swoop of the riding crop through the air, then a burning sensation on your left ass cheek. God it hurts, but it feels so good at the same time, sending a jolt right to your cunt as you cry out.

“One, sir.”

He lands another one on your other cheek, you whimper as the burn spreads across your skin, and manage to whisper out a ‘Two, s- -sir.”

“Colour?”

“Green, please keep going Al – Sir, more please.”

Seems like Alex doesn’t like the way you accidentally addressed him by his name, and so two more quick swats land on your cheeks in quick succession. You bite into the pillow, feeling the tears welling up as you muffle your scream. It fucking burns. You’ve always been so used to his hands spanking you but never leather.

“Forgotten how to count already, princess?”

“No – no, Sir, just –” you sniffle, swallowing down the sob threatening to spill. “Three a–and four.”

“What’s that? Let me hear you –” he pauses, you try to look back in confusion, but before you can see what he’s up to, he’s already bringing the riding crop for another lash on your ass – much harder than the last four. “– say it fucking louder!”

“Five!” You scream, burying your face into the mattress and pulling your lower torso away from the sheer pain, but Alex places his hand on your waist to pull you back closer. “F–Five, Sir, that’s – that’s five, please, it hurts –”

“Does it?” Alex mocks. “You know deep down in yourself that you deserve it, so count properly unless you want me to bring the number up.”

You can’t bring yourself up to speak since you’re already shuddering from your sobs, your skin burning in pain, just adding to the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you. It was so much, all at once.

You took 5 more strokes from Alex, forcing out the number and a thank you each time, until the 10th blow had you collapsing onto the bed, shuddering and crying.

“Alright, I think that’s enough, yeah, baby?”

Alex places one hand on the small of your back, rubbing up and down your skin in an effort to calm your shaking form.

“You did so well, baby, I’m proud of you.”

Alex’s voice is softer now, and you suspect you’ve got past the worst of the punishment. His words fill you with warmth, and you nod and hiccup into the duvet, reaching one hand back to grab at Alex’s. He intertwines your fingers, letting you find comfort in him for a few moments.

“Good girl. But we aren’t done yet. Need you to make me feel good.”

You roll over, wincing as your raw ass rubs a little on the sheets. You aren’t going to be able to sit down for a few days, that’s for sure.

Alex shuffles to the end of bed and sits back on his heels, beckoning for you to come over, a growing bulge glaring obvious in his navy pants.

You crawl over to Alex, swaying your hips seductively as you move, knowing it will just turn him on even more.

You unbuckle his belt and pull down his fly, your hands shaking a little in your eagerness to please Alex. You’re practically drooling at the thought of his thick cock in your mouth. His fingers card through your hair, gathering it into a ponytail in one hand. He pulls your head back a little from his grip on your hair, until you’re looking up at him. His eyes are dark, pupils blown from anticipation, his chest heaving up and down under his shirt. God, you wish you could just rip the white fabric off him, run your hands over his shoulders and chest, feel the solid muscle under his smooth, pale skin.

“Slow down, baby, we’ve got all night, yeah?”

You nod your head, taking a few deep breaths before tugging on Alex’s boxers. He helps you pull them down, his cock slipping out, already thick and hard, a dribble of pre-cum leaking from the swollen tip. You wrap one hand around his length, feeling his velvety skin under your fingertips. Alex’s deep groan fills the room as you drop your head to lick slowly along the underside of his cock. His grip tightens on your hair as you suckle gently on the tip, tasting the saltiness of his precum when you flick your tongue over his head. He sucks in a harsh breath, pulling on your hair.

“Don’t tease me now, darling, you’ll just make it worse for yourself.”

You smirk, giving him your best doe eyes, before ducking your head down to try and take him fully into your mouth, feeling his tip hitting the back of your throat and trying to swallow down a gag. You wrap your hand around his base, pumping what you can’t fit in your mouth. You continue looking up at Alex, his face blurring as a film of tears cloud over your eyes.

Alex groans, the deep sound going straight to your cunt and you try to rub your thighs together for a bit of friction, but Alex is quick to put a stop to that.

“Uh uh, darling, none of that. You can have your pleasure when I’m done, alright?”

You just whine around his cock, bobbing your head and taking as much of him as you can. There’s drool dripping down your chin and tears slowly spilling from your eyes. Even after numerous tries, you don’t think there will be a day in your life where you can fully take his whole nine inches down your throat without choking yourself to death – but whatever, that’s one good way to die.

“Fuck – so good baby, so good to me.” Alex pants, hand fisting your hair roughly as his hips buck against your mouth. You choke a little at the action and your own hands go to grip his thighs for support, a trail of spit dripping down your chin and onto the floor as the fat head of his cock hits the back of your throat again. “Yeah, darling, fucking choke on it – take it all, fucking take it all like the good girl you are –”

You moan at his words, feeling his cock throb in your mouth, so hot and heavy on your tongue. He’s close, you can tell, so you hollow your cheeks and suckle fervently on his length, getting Alex to his climax the only thing on your mind. Alex growls and you feel a tug on your hair as he pulls you off his cock, and you peer up at him, confused. A string of saliva still connects your lips to his cock and you can see it twitching in front of your face.

“Want to come in your cunt, darling.” Alex declares in between pants.

You nod your head eagerly. “Please, sir, want your cock, please.”

Alex nods, pushing you back until you’re lying back on the soft pillows. He grabs your wrists and puts them above your head. “These stay here, okay?”

You nod again, although you're desperate to touch Alex, you know it's better to do what he says. The cuddling can come later.

Alex drapes himself over your body, the fabric of his trousers brushing against your skin as he nudges your thighs apart, his hand dropping down to spread your folds.

“Fuck, baby, so wet for me, you just fucking love getting punished, don’t you?” One long finger flicks over your clit, spreading your slick over your hot skin. He’s right, you're soaked, a result of the spanking and having his cock in your mouth, so ready for him to have his way with you. And so is he, you can feel his hard cock pressing against your leg, still sticky from a mix of your saliva and Alex’s precum. You moan as Alex’s two fingers press roughly into your cunt, scissoring and pressing against your walls, trying to find that special spot inside you.

“You’re lucky I’m giving you some prep, baby, bad girls don’t get stretched out before they take my cock. But you’ve done well for me so far, so I’m gonna be generous.” Alex pants into your ear, his hot breath causing goosebumps to spread across your skin.

He pulls his fingers out, bringing them up to his mouth and sucking on them. Your eyes widen as his face contorts in bliss, licking all of your juices off of his digits. His eyelashes flutter as he looks down at you, his eyes are dark, lust completely overtaking any semblance of reason.

“Gonna fuck you now, darling.”

You both groan in unison as Alex nudges his cock against your clit, grabbing himself at the base to push slowly inside of you. Despite how wet you are, and the few moments Alex spent stretching you out, there’s still a sharp burn as your walls try to accommodate his girth. He’s hot and heavy, throbbing inside of you, and you swear you can feel every ridge and vein as he slowly bottoms out.

Your whole body is trembling, your eyes rolling back into your head, the feeling of Alex so deep inside you almost enough to send you over the edge right there and then. You clench your fists, trying to keep your hands in the position you left them in, fighting the urge to rip Alex’s shirt off and scratch your nails down his back.

“Look at me, baby, look at me while I’m fucking you.” Alex practically growls, grabbing your chin in his hand and turning your face to him.

“Please move, Al- Sorry, Sir, please move.” The feeling of being full is so overwhelming, you need him to move or you might just combust.

Alex just smirks. “I really don’t think you're in any position to be making demands right now, darling. Remember why you’re here, yeah?”

You just whine and nod your head submissively, trying to keep your gaze on his. He lets you suffer for a few moments before finally moving his hips. He pulls out until just his tip is left snug in your hole, then slams his hip back forwards. You scream as his cock drags along your walls, his pelvis rubbing against your clit and his balls slapping against your still raw ass. Within seconds, the fire in your belly is reignited and you can feel yourself approaching your orgasm. You feel like you've been on the edge the whole night, and now, finally, you might get your release.

Alex pounds into you, his face buried in the crook of your neck, his gasps and moans coming in time with his thrusts. You can feel the sweat dripping down his brow onto your chest, the fabric of his shirt rubbing roughly against your nipples. You’re desperate to touch him, to run your hands over his shoulder, his neck, his hair, and you can’t hold it back anymore.

“Please, sir, p–please can I touch you? Please, I need to.”

Alex lifts his head from your neck, one sweaty lock of hair falling over his forehead as he looks down at you. “Oh really? You think you’ve been good enough to touch me?”

“Y–Yes, please, I’ve been a good girl, I have.”

Alex shakes his head. “I don’t think so. Good girls don’t get bad grades, do they?”

You’re truly on the edge now, can feel your orgasm approaching like a runaway train, and you squeeze your eyes shut to try to fend it off, not wanting to come without your arms around Alex.

“You close, baby? Gonna come for me?”

You shake your head desperately. “Please, sir, need to touch you, please.”

“You wanna touch me?” Alex smirks, breathing hard as he drives his cock even deeper, loving the way your walls clench around his length everytime he hits that special spot that never fails to make you fucking shake. “If you wanna touch me, you better cum around my cock and maybe I’ll think about it.”

Now that’s something that’s not very difficult to do. With a sniffle and a loud whimper, you crack open your teary eyes and look at him. He’s watching you very carefully. One of the few things you’ve noticed at the start of your relationship is that he never takes his eyes off of you when you’re cumming – whether it’s around his cock or his fingers or even his mouth, his eyes will always find their way to look at your face as you crumble down from both his generosity and cruelty.

Your vision tunnels to just Alex’s face, his dark eyes, long lashes, pale skin, the little scar under his brow, and you come. The emotions of the past few hours finally catch up with you and you shake and shudder under Alex, clenching and milking him for all he’s worth. He groans and his hips stutter as he reaches his climax as well, a warmth filling you as he empties himself deep inside of you. You sob and bury your face in Alex’s neck, which is damp from sweat. His chain presses against your cheek, cold against your burning skin.

“Fuck, baby, such a good girl, so good for me. Come here, love.”

And finally you move your stiff arms to wrap yourself around Alex, curling your legs around his waist, his softening cock still inside of you. You tug at his shirt, whining into his neck and Alex immediately knows what you want, pulling back for a moment to peel the shirt off his shoulders, flinging it to the other side of the room. His pants are also discarded within moments, until he’s left just as naked as you are. His chest is sweaty and if you aren’t so tired from getting dicked down within an inch of your life, you would’ve taken your time admiring it and maybe leaving a very funny comment that would surely make him laugh.

But unfortunately you don’t have the energy to do all that, you’re sure Alex will understand.

“Tired?” He croons, pressing his hand on your cheek, loving the way it’s burning and still a bit wet from your tears. “You wanna shower, baby? Need your answer here, don’t leave me hanging.”

“No,” you whine, pawing at his shoulder and pulling him closer, purposefully draping his whole body on top of you and putting his head in the crook of your neck. “Stay here.”

You hear him chuckling, his hot breath tickling your neck as his hands then move underneath your back and wrap you up with his body like a big weighted blanket. “You wanna stay like this? All night? You sure I'm not gonna crush you or something?”

“No, you’re warm.”

Based on your short responses and clingy attitude, Alex comes to the conclusion that you’re in one of those moods again. You often get clingy and a bit out of it after a good orgasm, but not entirely in subspace. He would’ve known the tone of your voice if you were, but right now he thinks you’re just a bit floaty, and you think you are too.

“Is there anything you want to do after, baby? Take a bath? Sleep? Order a takeout?”

You don’t know. You’re still very much intoxicated by his scent especially since he’s closer to you than he has been all day. Alex’s aftershave mixed with his sweat is practically making you mewl like a kitten, and you have to stop every urge not to rub your cheeks against him like one.

“How about just lie here for a bit, then take a bath, then order a takeout, then sleep?” You suggest, voice hoarse and raw from getting throatfucked earlier. Wonderful. “And I wanna…” You trail off, a hand snaking up to play with his hair.

“Wanna what?” Even though you don’t see Alex’s face, you can practically visualise in your head that he’s currently holding up his confused expression. Raised eyebrow and all. “You wanna go for another round or something?”

“No!” You giggle, slapping him slightly on the shoulder, which earns a quick nip on your neck and a chuckle from Alex. “Well, not that it’s a problem. But that’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

“Wanna apologise.” There it goes. Your voice sounds a bit teary and sad, no doubt Alex picks up on that. “I didn’t… mean to have that kind of grade, you know that. It’s just everything has been stressing me out lately and I haven’t really figured out how to fix it yet. I guess overthinking about making it all better kept me from putting all my focus on that paper. I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

Alex doesn’t answer for a bit and you think that maybe he’s thinking if your excuse is good enough, but luckily that’s not the case when you feel his lips pressing soft kisses on your neck and up behind your ear. You flinch a little from being ticklish, a giggle spilling out of your mouth.

“I know you will,” Alex finally says, pulling his head back and looking at your face. “I know you’ll do better, sweetheart. You always do. And I love you for that. You know that if there’s something bothering you, you can always just ask me for help, right? I’m not a mind reader, darling, that’s why we need to communicate. I’m not always with you when we’re in school so I have no idea what problems you might be facing, but if there’s something I can do to help, then please tell me. Okay?”

He’s right. He always is.

“Okay. I understand. I love you too,” you give him a smile, now feeling a little shy under his stare as he brushes your hair out of your face. “I’ll tell you about my problems next time. Would you still help me if it was about your subject, though?”

Alex laughs cheekily at your question, leaning down to kiss your nose. “I’ll think about it. Still depends if you’d be willing to give me something in return.”

“Oh yeah?” You quirk an eyebrow, a playful grin making its way on your face. “And what’s that?”

“What do we say about roleplay –”

You push his shoulders before he can even finish his question, barking out a laugh when Alex only scoops his arms underneath your back again and pulling you closer to him.

“Absolutely not!”

#alex turner x reader #alex turner #Arctic monkeys #alex turner fanfic #Alex turner smut #Alex turner imagine #my writing

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pepperonijem · 2 months ago

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❝ never the same love twice ❞

pairing: suguru geto x reader cw: angst lol, not really canon compliant idk it's kinda vague and i didn't think too hard about the logistics a/n: this may or may not be a note copied straight directly 100% from my notes app

The last time you spoke to Suguru was well over three years ago. One last text message on a rainy autumn Friday night. One last message before the storm began to clear and brighter days found their way into your life.

It had been three years since you spoke to him, but he remained a constant in your mind, an unshakable, sturdy tree that had dug its roots deep into the crevices of your soul. So when you opened your notes app and created a new note in your folder of other letters you'll never send to him, you felt those roots bury themselves a bit deeper.

Hey, Suguru,

As of today, October 8, it will now have been essentially 3 years since the last text I sent you. Do you remember that? I was fighting with my best friend and coincidentally, so were you. I was depressed and well... so were you. Funny how we were still on the same page like that huh?

Boy, do I have a lot to catch you up on. First, I saw my ex last night. I can't believe I used to still feel butterflies around him even after he cheated on me with like four other people. I don't remember when I stopped feeling them, but likely I have you to thank for that.

But now it makes me wonder... how long will it be before I stop feeling those butterflies around you?

There are a lot of days where I find myself missing you, finding myself wanting to tell you about my day and then knowing exactly what you'd say if I could, and then I laugh until I feel empty again. Honestly, that's what I have my notes app for, I guess -- for imaginary conversations with a version of you that will only exist here.

That's actually why I even wrote this... but honestly, I forgot what else I had to say. It's like I had so much to say, but when I start writing to you I kind of feel like I am talking to you and I don't want to waste time before you fade away again.

I know I've moved on, but sometimes I feel like I never left and I wish you were here again. Thanks for taking on that mission from Yaga that I didn't want to take. Part of me wanted to believe that you took it so readily because it was me who asked... but I know that's not the case.

Most people don't want to remember their exes, but when I remember you, it feels like a warm hug. It's like wrapping your hands around a mug of coffee and suddenly your fingers don't feel so stiff anymore. It feels like rest... and I miss you.

I don't know where this was going. But suddenly I remembered this quote...

"There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice."

Honestly, I hate the idea of that, because I loved the way you loved me... but maybe there's something better out there for me?

Do you think you could let me go so I can find it?

Maybe one day I'll stop looking for you in every person I meet.With all the love in the world and more,your best friend. always.

#suguru geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #suguru geto fanfiction #suguru geto fluff #geto x reader #geto fanfiction #jjk fluff #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto suguru imagines #geto suguru x you #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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ingravinoveritas · 1 year ago

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Have you seen his latest tweet? He’s having one of his moments and is blocking people left and right. I got myself blocked for commenting on a comment… TF is this poop? 😒

@phantomstars24 Okay, so...I have seen what's been going on on Twitter with Michael and there is...obviously a lot going on. Let me first put up the screenshots of his other tweets, which followed the initial one in @ourtubahero-blog's screenshot (the first one is most recent):

I think there are a few things (well, a lot of things) that are getting missed in all this, specifically the context for why Michael wrote the original tweet in the first place. It appears that it was meant to be a reaction to this incident, which just occurred today in the UK:

The wording of Michael's tweet was not clear, and I also don't think anyone outside of the UK would readily know what he was reacting to, so straightaway this seemed to lead to a lot of misunderstanding. A large portion of the criticism of that tweet stemmed from people thinking Michael was taking a neutral stance on the situation in Gaza/Israel, which is what then led to him making a clarifying tweet in that regard. For my part, I did not interpret Michael's original tweet as neutral, but rather that he is and does stand with innocent people of every stripe, and wishes for there to be no more bloodshed or further loss of life.

Michael's subsequent tweets only seem to have compounded the problem, as they appear to have been made out of an emotional response on his part, which is not a good thing when it comes across as defensive. Emotions are running incredibly high right now, and sadly that is the time when misunderstandings are most likely to occur. In the interest of clarity, in his second tweet, Michael did not say that he had no time to do research, but rather that he "has no time for people telling him to do research." What I took this to mean is that he already has done research and thought very carefully about this entire situation, and therefore felt slighted at people implying that he had not.

The problem inherent in all of this, however, is that this is an extremely difficult subject to have nuanced conversation about, particularly on social media and especially on Twitter. This then leads us to the issue of blocking. I think what Michael was attempting to say (again, badly worded) in his tweet about blocking people was that he was blocking people due to what he perceived as personal attacks. This would explain people being blocked for saying apparently innocuous things, as Michael was on the defensive and does not really have that button in his brain telling him to stop or back off once he gets going.

It goes without saying that Michael seemingly blocking people indiscriminately is definitely not a good look (though it is not without precedent, as I remember well him doing the exact same thing four years ago, albeit under different circumstances). But what is also not acceptable is people sending him death threats, or tweets such as this falsely accusing him of horrific things. In this instance, it is more than understandable that he would have a strong reaction to being dogpiled and block someone, because no one should have to accept threats to their person on their own social media page.

I think what is also happening is that a lot of fans (not either of you who sent in these asks, for the record) are correlating online activism to activism in real life. Michael has always been about walking the walk and not just talking the talk, to where we know he donated almost all of his money to the Homeless World Cup in 2019. He is also a UNICEF UK ambassador and has visited Lebanon, Chad, and Guatemala to meet and help refugee children. All this to say that we have no idea what he has done outside of social media to assist refugees and victims, or if/how much he has donated to Palestinian charities or other relief funds for victims and their families. And for my part, I would rather Michael be clumsy with his wording on social media (again, not defending the indiscriminate blocking) and taking tangible action in real life than engaging in performative Internet activism that ultimately goes nowhere.

(Also, I cannot help but facepalm at people asking Anna to weigh in, under the assumption that a) She would even care about this; and b) She has any influence whatsoever on Michael's behavior, which it is abundantly clear she does not or else he would have stopped flirting with David years ago. I just really hope people do not tag her or expect her to have the ability to somehow "rein him in," because they will be very disappointed...)

So yes, I think what made Michael make a statement tonight after all this time was the above-mentioned MP. I think his intentions were likely good and that his heart was in the right place--as are all of ours, in wanting to protect innocent civilians and stop the horrific violence that is happening. But I also think that if Michael wasn't prepared to handle certain types of criticism, then it probably would have been better for him to say nothing at all, or at least certainly to not escalate things by continuously tweeting. I am also sorry for the fans who were hurt by his actions, because I know fans who have been there before, and it really sucks.

I am hopeful, however, that we can all step back and breathe once emotions are no longer so heightened and try to find a way to listen to each other and engage meaningfully. Because it is truly disheartening to see how things escalated so quickly tonight, and I want to believe that we as a fandom and as human beings can do so much better. I suppose only time will tell...

#ourtubahero-blog #phantomstars24 #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #twitter #Michael is a PR nightmare #because any PR person would have advised against this #and yet #i honestly get whiplash reading Michael’s Twitter sometimes #ignoring sometimes really is the best thing you can do #i have learned this from experience #i hope Michael learns it too #for his own mental health and well being #fandom woes #thoughts #discourse

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quinnyundertow · 5 months ago

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Can I ask what got you into writing? I love your writing style and I'm so curious about your process as well.

This is such a sweet ask. I love it. This may be way more than what you were expecting haha. But I’m alone in the hospital and this feels cathartic.

I’ve always loved to write since I can remember. When I was in elementary school I remember getting yelled at and crying because I had to write a story about a thanksgiving turkeys adventure and mine was like twenty pages. They said it was too long and hurry up and I was frustrated because I wasn’t done!

I think what really solidified my love for writing is I needed fantasy to escape. In middle and early high school my parents divorced and I was bullied relentlessly. Gum put in my hair, things thrown at me, called fat at every opportunity. I had teachers that bullied me too for being fat. I was SA’d multiple times, depressed and started cutting. I’ve honestly tried to block most of it out.

The point is I had found anime and a few friends who loved it too. So any opportunity I had I begged friends to do writing journals with me. We’d make up a crack fic plots then write self insert and pass a notebook back and forth between classes every chapter for the next person to write. We wrote for Yugioh, Naruto, Dragonball Z, Fruits Basket popular ones at the time. I also wrote poetry, fanfics and original stories to try and escape anyway I could. Writing was the highlight of my teenage years. But other than that it was hell and you could never pay me enough money to repeat them.

I dropped out of Highschool from the bullying and my depression. But I studied and took a test for Highschool equivalency and then went to college and got straight As. College is nothing like Highschool. No one cares what you do. At least in my experience. I wanted to be a writer or manga artist but my father told me I wasn’t good enough and I wish I wouldn’t have taken it to heart and listened. I stopped writing for like ten years except for periodic ideas in notebooks until this last November.

Jujutsu Kaisen had become my comfort anime and then chapter 236 happened. I was so depressed I decided to try and read fanfics again. I’ve always read a lot of published books and was staggered to see a ton of fanfic writers were just as good if not better than published writers. After reading a ton of amazing works I decided I needed a fix it story that was ultimately happy for JJK and here we are.

Sorry if this was boring or too much. But if you take away something from this take this. Life is always changing. Tomorrow will not be the same as today. That much is guaranteed. If you have nothing left to live for then you have nothing to lose by trying something crazy or new. I was broken down to nothing by bullies, family issues, mental and physical health and I was incredibly suicidal. Somehow I found the will to try again. I got on depression and anxiety medication (still on to this day), worked for a higher education and took a shitty paying job to claw my way back up. My life is far from perfect but despite everything I worked hard to now have a boss babe high paying career and after restarting writing and meeting you all I’ve never been happier.

As far as a writing process I pretend I’m not going to post what I write and write it just for me. I ask myself what do I think would be the coolest thing to happen? What would I want to see next? Then I write it. Most of the time it sucks, or I don’t feel like writing it but I force it out. I make myself sit for 15 minutes and just write something. Then I rewrite it. Keep what parts I liked toss what feels off. Repeat. Eventually I’m having fun and loving the process.

When rewriting I’ll name them things like WICYG Chapter 12.2 for the second rewrite etc. I’ll screen shot my google doc so you can see the insanity haha. Sometimes I’ll rewrite four plus times. At the end of the day I want to love what I write and do it for me. Then when I find people that like it too it makes me over the moon happy. I hope one day to have the confidence to write my original stories in my head out. Writing fics for yall has definitely helped build my confidence as a writer.Thanks again for the ask anon sorry for the life story but I’ve never told people all that and it was healing to get out.

My messy google docs 🥹 Madhouse is Sanity Last Stop lol.

#quinnyspeaks #this is a long one #thank you anon #ao3 writer

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lincolndjarin · 1 year ago

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BKS ✦ notes & bts : chapters 1-5

spoilers for chapter 1-5 of Best Kept Secret!!

✦

a/n :

I feel like this is just SO self indulgent of me but whatever I guess lmao, bks is my brain baby currently and I will take any excuse to talk about it. These posts are going to be long in-depth dives into my writing process, dress inspo, music i was inspired by, etc. of the mentioned chapters so settle in cause this is what i'm doing today lol. also this might be the longest one bc i'm gonna talk about starting and coming up with everything.

starting writing and original outlines :

i've said this so many times lmao but i wrote the ending first. like the ending ending. i work really long hours at a job that has me listening to music for like ten hours a day while i work so i get a lot of thinking time lmao. basically i originally wrote it as a story with no specific characters in mind. I'm a big Pedro fan so i was between characters i thought fit the fic but settled on din because i think he fit the character i was imagining best. (it helps that he's in my top three pedro characters lol) from there laid out a vague outline in my mind of where i wanted to start so i created a set list of characters and basically just dove right in without much to guide me except for an ending point lmao. it wasnt until closer to like chapter 15-16 when i started properly outline each chapter in advance in the document, before that i just wrote vague notes in a notebook that i didn't end up following all that well lmao

music :

i've also said this at one point but the original name of best kept secret was "my keeper and i" i wrote the first three chapters in the same week and spread out the posting but i used the same playlist for most of the early stuff so here's that!!

original bks playlist

inspirations :

if you've seem/read bridgerton then you might know that i took a lot of inspiration from the pattern the show uses and still do.

basically the show has a pattern of the couple getting together and breaking it off or having an issue that's resolved and then there's a new issue. i've sort of been following that sorta kinda

also reader is heavily based on charlotte because i had just finished queen charlotte when i started writing bks

din is more based on anthony bridgerton than george, (anyone unfamiliar with bridgerton, george is the love interest in queen charlotte)

also a lot of din's style of self loathing is based on edwards from twilight LMAO

notes :

here's a random page of misc. notes that i lowkey can't decipher lol

here are my chapter four notes! shoutout to when i didn't realize it was sarad'ika and it was originally ika sarad lmaooo

there's some unused dialogue here, specifically there was going to be a longer conversation about how he wanted to get her out of the castle more often as well as a scene where she was going to eat fruit ands it was gonna drip down her front and he was gonna wipe it off. it was gonna be a whole thing lmao but it didn't really fit the rest of the chapters vibe.

so.... originally there was a timeline issue where the first lunar interlude (i'm a huge taz balance fan and that's where i got the name lunar interlude from lmaoooo, i have 2 taz tattoos) was going to be chapter 4 and then it was going to be chapter 6 and then it made the most sense to make it 5, so any timeline notes here are wrong.

in my original concept for the fic, every chapter was going to end with a small portion of din pov, but it didn't flow well and i really didn't like it so it ended up being easier having it be specific chapters.

when writing the first lunar interlude i went through and read the previous chapters and wrote down how i thought he was feeling during each scene which is what these notes are ^

dresses :

here's a collection of the dresses i used as inspo for chapters 1-5 (these were posted on my old account but i'm gonna put them here as well!!)

chapter one :

the wedding dress was based on this dress!!

and this is the sort of jewelry i was picturing but this stuff is still pretty, i couldn't find anything as ugly as what i was picturing for her wedding jewelry.

this is the sort of stuff i pictured for her blue dresses she hates but honestly all of these are pretty as well LMAO. in all honesty i think that the blue dresses she doesn't like wearing are probably pretty i think she mostly just hates what they stand for and also they put her in gaudy makeup and jewelry as well which doesn't help

chapter two :

used all sorts of dresses as inspo for this chapter! here are these!

chapter three :

sort of a combination of these for the chapter three dress, if that makes sense lmao

chapter four :

something along these lines for the garden dress!!

that's all for these chapters!! I'll probably do 6-15 for the next one since there won't be as many notes for those and then go back to five each for the rest!! i have to do some practice makeup for the concert i'm going to this week so the next one of these will be up either tonight or tomorrow!!

#lincolndjarin #best kept secret #the mandalorian

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temporalhiccup · 2 years ago

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Heeeeeeeeeeey everybody, it's my birthday!

It's a big one too, I turn 40 today! ❤️

I thought I'd put some of the "Essential Rae Games" on sale to celebrate!

This is a highly personal write up of these games that reflect my time so far in game design, so I apologize if they don't accurately represent what the game is, whoops.

Become One is my first foray into the itchio ttrpg scene, the first time I put out a game on the internet! This was for the sad mecha game jam, and started out as a four page game.

Honestly, this game holds up extremely well, and every time I come back and play it, I'm surprised at how this game plays way beyond my actual design level of the time.

But, to this day, I have yet to make another mech game (as much as I love the genre) or make a game that works so well as a one shot (I have tried and failed over the years haha)

It's funny that this first public game of mine contains so many themes that show up in almost all of my games. Emotions, memory, my absolute distaste for hit points in ttrpgs...

Our Haunt was my first attempt at making a Belonging Outside Belonging game and since then I have made...uh...a lot of BoB games, hah! BoB remains one of my favorite systems to design in, and the poetic constraints have made me a much better designer. I still think there's so much to explore within the BoB space! Coming back to Our Haunt two years later for the final release, and redesigning it to reflect all that I've learned, was really fun!

This is also my first game to actually get published and printed, after making TTRPGs for four years(!!!). I don't have direct access to things like Kickstarter or similar crowdfunding platforms (I'm a Filipino in the Philippines, global south woes, etc), so being able to finally see one of my games in physical book form was...wow. I can't describe it. Absolutely surreal.

Also I kinda wonder how much of Our Haunt's success is because I made a playbook that's basically being a cat. I wrote it for my partner, who is...basically a cat. (He absolutely loves it)

We Forest Three is one of the few solo games I've designed, and it was certainly the most difficult to write. It's essentially a choose your own adventure ttrpg, and I keep wondering if I've become a strong enough designer to come back and try making another game that follows a similar structure. Hah!

I think this game shows my obsession with the conflict between extremes: forest and city, supernatural beings and humans, family and the individual, love and horror.

This is also the game that notoriously everyone else has had better luck than me! Whenever I play this game, I die a horrible death 90% of the time. (I usually roll the worst stats, augh) Good thing I wrote those (many, many) deaths to be really fun I guess!

BALIKBAYAN is undoubtedly the game that caught everyone's attention. Many amazing opportunities have come my way because BALIKBAYAN made such an impression! I really really should get around to uploading the current version of the game, but even this version on itch is a great. I'm proud of smashing together a distinctly 90s anime cyberpunk vibe with Filipino myth and folktales, while also pushing back against Shadowrun's idea that magic and tech are two opposing forces. Instead, magic and machinery are the same thing in BALIKBAYAN.

I'm also really glad that this game has connected to so many Filipinos in other countries, and resonated with them so deeply. It reminds me that even though I'm still perceived a foreigner in my own country (because I'm bi-racial), I can still connect to others like me through games.

One more thing I'll say is that I think BALIKBAYAN has unfortunately given people the impression that I'm very cool, only for them to meet me and realize I'm a dork. Sorry friends, I just write cool games, I'm actually dreadfully uncool.

Spectrum of Horror is a really fun experimental story game, that works well solo and with other people. I try to incorporate using the tarot in a way that's closer to how a tarot deck actually works.

I think this is (one of many) examples of why I would design straight into layout: Spectrum of Horror is technically eight micro games, and each one takes up a single spread. (Of course, a better designer than me could just figure it out with word count or whatever, but there you go)

Also here's a secret: all of the redacted words are still readable. You just have to select and copy the text from the PDF and paste it somewhere else to see what I wrote, heh.

Brinkwood: Despair (still under its original title on my itch page, whoops) means so much to me, because it's my first FAN GAME. I loved someone else's TTRPG just that much that I had to write a prequel for it.

(I LOVE BRINKWOOD SO MUCH THAT I EVEN WROTE ANOTHER GAME FOR IT, but I'll talk about Brinkwood: Refuge another time!)

I think all of my games are games that are in response to other games, really. But Despair has such a special place in my heart because 1) I just LOVE Brinkwood that much 2) I really cherish the playtest memories I have from when I ran games on the Brinkwood discord server 3) Erik has been really generous with inviting other designers to create things in the space of his game.

Despair is almost finished (thanks to @ostrichmonkey-games helping me out on it) and I can't wait for folks to see the finished version!

Shitty Adventurers is here because, like Cozy Town, I think it's one of the few that are so unlike the rest of my games.

I'm not a very funny person. I'm like, your typical serious Capricorn. The best I can manage, only in front of a few people, is dark humor. I'm really shocked I managed to make this game, to be honest. (Tho humor is incredibly subjective, I have no idea if this game is actually really funny)

I think because this game is so outside of my "brand", and comedy TTRPGs aren't in high demand (afaik!), this game tends to get overlooked. Still, I've heard some wonderful stories from folks who've played the game!

Memory Hunter is a prequel to BALIKBAYAN, and it's also another tentative foray into OSR inspired games. I say tentative, but I'm also really proud of the writing and design here! I released Memory Hunter this year recently and it didn't seem to make too much of an impression, but I hope that if I keep working on game expansions that'll change!

There are many reasons I haven't felt comfortable or confident enough to create more games in the OSR space, but over the past year it's become more inviting! I'm really grateful that Tony Vacinda of Plus One EXP immediately offered to publish it (and Tony in general has been one of the most positive forces in the indie ttrpg space, for sure!)

I'm really looking forward to creating more things for Memory Hunter!

#sword queen games #indie ttrpg #ttrpg

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mzannthropy · 11 months ago

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The first pic of Jeremy Irons as Abbe Faria in the new The Count of Monte Cristo series!

Article here is in Italian. Translated by Google:

The ingredients are known, brought to the cinema and on TV several times (the first time in 1922, the count over the years played by Jean Marais, Andrea Giordana, Depardieu, Jim Caviezel). Adventure, injustice, mysteries, betrayals. And an inexhaustible thirst for revenge. «This seems to me above all to be Dumas' moral: the idea that revenge can poison a person - reflects Irons -. It's very current. We live in a poisoned climate, people think that lashing out at each other is good for them . On the other hand, Dumas wrote it in an equally complex historical moment, in the 19th century. Today, like yesterday, it is essential to find a way to save yourself. It is Faria himself who offers his hand to Edmond. He acts as a mentor to him." What Iron is for young Claflin (Pirates of the Caribbean, Hunger Games, Peaky Blinders). «Jeremy is a myth, it doesn't seem true to me that he was chosen. Edmond Dantès is like four characters in one, he changes so much, not just in terms of identity. I understand that for the French he is a kind of superhero, and that every era wants something of him."

Fifteen weeks of filming , first in Paris, Turin, Rome, where the most complex ones were a Carnival in Campo de' Fiori and an execution in Piazza Farnese. Various locations in Malta, including Fort Manoel, prison fortress. The abbot is now near his end, Edmond understands that this will be his chance to escape. With the treasure map that he gave him . «Faria has many layers, he is a complex character. He is a man of the church, he lived years in prison, he exercised patience. He dug a tunnel but in the wrong direction, to Edmond's cell. He found tricks to survive, books and knowledge also helped him. He is an incredibly motivated man, he has charisma. And the meeting with Edmond makes him stand up again." Irons enjoyed wearing the tunic and beard. «I trusted Bille, we made three films together. At work I am instinctive, never too sure of myself. Every time is a new beginning. There is nothing mechanical in our profession. The script is similar to a wine, it is living, evolving matter. We need to create the right conditions." For August, one of the conditions was the presence of Irons. «The abbot is the key to the novel. At the center is a man who is completely obsessed with revenge, which eats away at him from the inside, no longer allowing him to love. In the series we tell the whole story, faithful to the novel. Claflin has the right sensitivity and Jeremy makes the difference. I knew he would give a wonderful portrait. The scenes between him and Sam are very touching, he is the person he is closest to, he reveals to him where the treasure is and that when the young man wants to commit suicide he trusts him. He's almost like a father." It wasn't difficult, Irons admits. « I teach him how to live the new life of a rich man , mixing with different people: intellectuals, aristocrats, businessmen. He has a lot to learn. I believe that anyone who has lived is happy to pass on what they know. Me too, of course. Sam reminds me of my oldest son. His name is Sam too."

Jeremy is such a good casting for Faria. He looks like he stepped straight out of the pages of the book. (Also fun fact, the oldest son named Sam is photographer!)

#jeremy irons #sam claflin #the count of monte cristo #abbe faria #samblogging #bolded lettering taken from the original article #so i wonder if they've done filming #mypost

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gisellelx · 11 months ago

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What signifies a good fic to you? What is it about your favorite fics that made you like them?

This Q has been sitting a little while but this post on my dash today made me think of it.

Anne Lamott has always been one of my all time favorite writers; I read Bird by Bird in middle school, and I used to talk about her a great deal with my irreverent, very witty, funny role model 9th grade English teacher. This is how I write, and have always written (you'll note that my profile on FFnet and the name of my tumblr both come from her.

I write from character. What I understand myself to be doing as a writer is giving life to characters, whether they are mine, or someone else's. It's getting to know someone, intimately--what is their biggest fear? What is the thing they most love? What are their hopes and dreams? What is their fatal flaw?

I wrote my own stuff for many, many years before starting to write fic, and my reason for writing and reading fic is from exactly that same root. I want to see the same characters from the source, and I want to see them in a way that sheds new and interesting light on who they are. This is a major part of why I don't write, and generally don't read, out-of-universe fic--I'm just not interested in reading about a generic human lead with some characteristics of Edward Cullen. I want to see an author show me something I didn't see before about Edward. My favorite fics do that. By virtue of the situation the characters are in, or the alternate POV they are from, I see something different about the characters, their dynamic with one another, the things they care about most. Going through my FFnet faves to give a couple of examples of what I mean. Going to stick to one-shots so they are easy to grab (which is most of my faves)

Three Men and a Baby by Kristen Elizabeth.

Stephenie Meyer doesn't give a rat's ass about the fact that other people in the family probably also would've liked to have a kid. She sets up this horrific backstory for Esme but then waves it under the rug with "oh well she has her vampire kids now." This story grapples a little bit with how Edward's siblings (and importantly his male siblings!) deal with their own feelings--it sheds interesting light on all four Cullen men through their interactions with an infant Renesmee.

Mamihlanpinatapai by Writing Ficariously

Edward as a father. Enough said. But also thinking in a more complicated way about Renesmee growing up with Jacob around, and how she feels about her parents' relationship and its perfection. This is a running theme that is even more beautifully explored in A Federation of Cassandras but with that one you're signing on for a full (very excellent) novel so beware.

Caterpillar Wine by gallantcorkscrews

Nobody in this fic is with the people they are with in canon and yet. It really thinks hard about the permanence and lack thereof of relationships, questions that canon brings up and never answers. Most haunting to me in this, with a tiny spoiler, is that Carlisle ends up alone, which is revealing in this particular scenario and very in character in my opinion.

Funny that all of these recs happen to at least loosely contain Renesmee--I think she does important work in revealing a lot about others' characterizations. I find her to be an immensely useful character to think and write about.

Anyway. For me, it all comes down to character. Always down to character. With the tiny add on that my brain frustratingly won't let me not be a snob about the writing--I notice how the words work on a page, and if the author has made a homonym error, if the narration is too much "tell" or the characters are saying things for the reader's benefit. I would like to not have that problem, because I have a great appreciation for the fact that there are many people learning about writing itself by writing fanfiction. But I find it difficult to get myself lost in the story the writer wants to tell when my brain is noticing the writing itself instead. So that's always a piece of it, too.

#writing #twilight #fic recs #asks

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bookishfeylin · 2 years ago

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Anon who brought up Rhys needing be added in here: I know, I know. I’m just frustrated that there are so few receipts because most of the surviving ones are ones that are more pro-SJM being a “literary genius” than the ones where she implicates herself… which ironically should have more proof since it’s quite literally in every single thing she’s involved in. So thank you for wanting and finding receipts! 🥹 It makes me feel crazy because I know I remember this stuff, but since I don’t have the things to back it up no one ever believes me. 🥲

But I’ll say this as someone who has been here since her debut and was a hardcore stan with a fan page dedicated to her. (Deleted now, unfortunately. 😩) The thing about SJM is that she is a pathological liar. (I’m pretty sure she even admitted to being a huge liar when she was younger once in an interview, along with the fact that she was a “weird” kid because she was into fantasy and nerdy stuff (sounds a lot like not like other girls syndrome that’s trickled to her characters oop.) You can’t read/watch/listen to one interview by her, you have to read/watch/listen to them all. You have to go through her twitter (which she wasn’t active on for long) and her instagram (which she isn’t active on for long) and her tumblr and her livejournal (all or most of which aren’t even up anymore I think. It’s been a while since I checked). Because she would throw in random facts that she later tried to hide (irl retcon anyone?). This is why newer readers are at a disadvantage. They don’t know all of this because it’s pretty much scrubbed from the internet (…suspiciously) with few saved screenshots or transcripts. (Though tbh, I highly doubt they would care even if it was all still out there. They’d probably still be like damn, that’s crazy.. so anyway!)

SJM in the beginning of her career was a lot more loud mouthed than she is today. She revealed a lot during those days, including but not limited to her stating that she doesn’t plan, that she changes the stories’ endings even as they were being published, etc. She started getting more quiet when she started getting more criticism for her harmful work and then when dick soap gate dropped, and she fully started being called out for having adult content in YA, and more and more authors and booksellers and fans started alluding to her horrendous behavior behind the scenes (calling Bardugo fat and making fun of her disability, her whole toxic relationship with Dennard, her disregard for her fans when they asked her basic questions like if TOG would have a lesbian couple endgame because of the way their relationship was written in the fourth book and she rolled her eyes or hustling a fan along when she saw that she had scars on her face like she was embarrassed to be seen speaking to that fan, etc), that was her nail in the coffin for her social media presence. That was when she all but left the internet, started charging extra for her signings, pretty much stopped the book signings in favor of pre-signing books, started having what questions she could be asked moderated and even those are limited to how many are asked to the point where now every single one of her interviews ask the same questions with the same (mostly scripted) answers, etc.

Also pro tip: Whenever SJM says her books keep getting longer, it’s not because she following a story. It’s because she’s changed it and now has to write retcons to fit it. See: TOG originally being a trilogy like the original version she wrote on ficpress… and then it expanding by three more when she decided to change the endgame and having to change the rest of the story to put them together and then expanding it by one more book after she received backlash for cutting out the pov o a character who was a main character in the first four books and was then character assassinated in favor of said endgame love interest (which was also supposed to be a novella, not a full length book that you had to read in order to continue on with the series, but as she introduced a character literally not one single person heard of in the first three books as part of the character assassination, she had to do something with her too) (All my TOG girlies, listen I love Nesryn but you can’t sit here and tell me she serves anything to the plot other than being a romantic plot device to try to get Chaolaena shippers who still had hope to jump ship and since people weren’t buying that (because Nesryn literally didn’t exist until that fourth book), she set him up with Yrene instead). See ACOTAR originally being a trilogy. I’m pretty sure Crescent City was also supposed to only be a trilogy, but somewhere it expanded to more books. The only difference with Crescent City is that it seems like she figured that out before it was published, not after, although with the second book it does seem like she, again, scrapped whatever she set up in the first book in favor of creating a story where she could converge CC and ACOTAR. 🤷🏼‍♀️

TLDR: SJM is a bad author on and off page.

Oh yeah! And in her most recent ACOSF interview she also said she rewrote the second book from the original version (though she was trying to say she was setting up what she had planned in acosf since then which is bull lmao it’s more like she reread acomaf and decided to play around with something because we know from acofas she’d planned an illyrian rebellion for nesta’s book and that was scrapped)

Well that's disappointing. :/ Definitely a white feminist then.

The funny thing is, I have receipts that show Throne of Glass was changed (the wiki acknowledges the original Queen of Glass fanfiction Sarah wrote, and a booktuber made a video on it after reading the fanfiction. Apparently it was, as you said, originally a trilogy, and it ended up with Dorian x Celaena, not Rowan x Aelin, and changing the endgame ship meant she had to add more books and plot to the original to fit Rowan in), but ACOTAR receipts are harder to come by (probably because it was never a fanfiction.)

And now I almost want to go to that ACOSF interview just to find her saying she rewrote ACOMAF, because boy would that send this fandom into a tizzy. ACOMAF is ~the sacred book~ and heaven forbid Sarah change it for any reason.

But we do know a few things that also point to ACOTAR 2 being... very very different from ACOMAF:

-First and foremost, her newsletter where she admits to scrapping ACOTAR two and keeping the romantic arcs (interesting she said romantic arcs and not love interest. Hmmmmm) but "starting over" which caused the plot to "explode in ways she hadn't imagined." (and stans are already being testy in the notes there. Hooooo boy. I'm sorry, OP!!!).

-Her old comment saying Nesta and Lucien were the og ship and that she changed it to Elain and Lucien (if Elucien DOESN'T happen, then, that's just one more receipt for you and me :) ) and that Nessian were not a thing until Nesta and Cassian met at that dinner table. This suggests that most of the plot of ACOTAR 2 was not Night Court centric, given Nesta wouldn't be interacting with anyone in the Night Court and therefore wouldn't have a chance to meet and fall in love with Cassian.

As it is, we'll never truly know what the original plot was. We don't even know how many times she's changed ACOSF! Until more interviews and newsletters are found/dug up where she admits to changes, we're just going to have to guess at what the original plot was. But hints here and there suggest the ACOTAR series was originally very, very different, and given Sarah's track record with her other series, I wouldn't be surprised if the entire plot was changed to make her endgame ship sail.

#anti sjm #ask #anon #anti acotar #anti acomaf #acotar retcons #acotar analysis

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quick-catton · 10 months ago

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Hi quick-catton!! First of all I love your page and I love your personality💕💕💕 I also LOVE Saturn and Felix and Oliver just-😫😫😫 I love it every time you post, it makes my day!! Right now I just really need your help. Today I had to go on another account just to send something to my ask box because since I started my account last year, I’ve gotten nothing and it really hurts.

I love how open and freaky you are in your posts and I’m honestly the same way with Saltburn and an anime fandom that I’ve shaped my blog around. I used to be a little calm and collected but you’re inspiring to just let go and let my freak flag fly but the problem is, with my fandom, I don’t think people are going to be very inviting. Like literally the only thing I wanna do right now is babygirl code my favorite anime character sooo badly but I’m afraid I’ll lose all my followers and when I try to I get no engagement.

Like I wrote three freaking paragraphs about how good he’d look with a navel piercing! That was this morning and I got nothing all day but four likes. No reblogs, no comments, I literally had to make another account and send myself some praise for that post just so I could post it to show people that at least someone else agrees with me.

And I know I should give it time but that’s the problem. Some of my other posts like that don’t grow. They just get five likes and that’s it and it sucks because all I wanna do is engage with people that want to see this boy in lingerie or a skirt or goddamn pregnant (told you I was a freak)

I just don’t know what to do. How do you deal that? I’m honestly this close to deleting my account coz it seems like I’m posting to a blank wall and it’s so embarrassing coz everyone can see it. Sorry this is so long! Thank you for quickcatton 💕💕

WAH ANON ur so sweet omg, thank you?? <33 honestly i feel like i don't have good advice because i only made a tumblr for the first time EVER at the beginning of january!!! i am 23 and had never set foot on this app, but i saw that most of the saltburn fandom was here, so i gave it a shot and i've just been learning as i go.

i think that's half of my 'luck' with having a good experience on this app, is that because this fandom is so fresh, it's super active, but it's also a very small fandom (relative to some others) so we're all kinda like a hivemind here LOL, and because of the source material of the movie itself being weird/freaky/psychosexual, we all know that anything goes and the more freaky the brainrot, the better! i'm in other fandoms where if i said half of the shit i say here, i'd be ostracized, so it's really a case by case basis unfortunately </3

ik i yap a lot here but i also hold back sooo much because even tho ik we're all weirdos here, i still get nervous about putting out my writing or not having people vibe with an idea– you're not alone in that, i promise. it helps forming friendships in your fandoms so you know that there'll always be people who you can get hype over ideas with, but i know that's easier said than done sometimes <3

i don't have advice on engagement because i honestly don't look at that stuff (which i know is so annoying to say lol but it's true); i made this account purely to have a place to dump brainrot/art etc and view other people's saltburn content and i didn't care about engagement, i just got lucky to meet some cool people and make close friends through it.

i think if people can tell you're having fun through your posts, they'll vibe with you! it does take time with the good ol' algorithm, i'm sure, but as long as your page brings YOU joy, that's what matters most. people don't have to agree with your takes, life is too short to be vanilla and water urself down for others :^) making fandom friends and gaining interactions will come along with being yourself, but if posting here and running the account feels more stressful to you than it is fun, it's okay to step away too!

if you're on ao3 and sites like that, leaving comments on your fave works can be a great way to get conversations going as well. i met my closest friend on here bc she stumbled across my fic on ao3 and then sent me a message; it was purely up to chance, but branching out and being brave starting conversations with your fave accounts can be a great way to feel more included in the fandoms you're in and maybe you'll meet cool people along the way!! <33

#if anyone else has other advice feel free to reply with it <33 #because i'm not good at this stuff LOL #i literally just open this app say shit and then go back to yapping in a google doc #also this made me realize idk if i've ever put my name anywhere on this account #so i just added it to my display/pinned hi i'm sam #quick-catton asks

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vespersposts · 2 years ago

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Reap what you sow

This story is a little different, more angsty than usual ( honestly don't know where it came from, but 2022 was a weird year).

It is based on Akashi's prediction of an adult Daiki finally realizing the true nature of his feelings for his best friend, but also on group dynamics and more or less binding choices to which one decides to submit.

I anticipate that it will consist of at least 10+ chapters (those I wrote in 2022): me and summarizing are two parallel lines.

I hope it is pleasant, let me know!

It's the start of your final year at university, and with it comes a season of crammed schedules, sleepless nights, junk food and time that needs to be managed down to the minute if you don't want to fail in both your grades and your work. That's why your phone never stops ringing, that's why you colour-coded your contacts so you wouldn't miss a comma. That was your nature, after all: total chaos behind meticulous planning.

You were so different from her, who had made a way of life out of precision and order, and with whom you were happily on the same page from day 1. Beautiful, talented, full-time manager of the most talked-about ball team in the country, always surrounded by the most outstanding people in the whole university, yet always so approachable, so friendly, so welcoming. No wonder her aura attracted everyone, for only an ugly soul could despise Satsuki.

You check the message she sent you a few minutes earlier, mark the time in your app for your meeting at your flat and, having finished your breakfast of melonpan and coffee, you are ready to enter the plain, brightly lit classroom for the usual six hours of lectures.

Today's class is particularly noisy, everyone gathered around Kuri, the self-proclaimed princess of the place, the one who never misses an opportunity to set an example by taking advantage of her family's prestigious position at university. She's the one who spends her life judging people by their clothes, their phone models and the clubs they hang out in; the one who monopolises Satsuki's attention every time she manages to show up for a lecture, acting as her best friend.

Who knows what new nonsense she will complain about today, or better yet, who will be the victim of her crude humour.

It must be closer than you think, for you feel several eyes following your every move, as you prepare your notebook and writing materials. You smile at your ruler, who gives you a cold look. Then you scroll through the notifications on your mobile phone, unimpressed by the expectant silence that has been created in just a few minutes.

Kuri has always been such a melodramatic person.

You've known each other since primary school, and since primary school she's been picking on you: you're too fat, you're too short, you have bad taste in clothes, your hair is terrible, you're just a teacher's pet. She won't stand for sharing any activity with you: if she's assigned to your work group, she has to change it; if the only free seat in the classroom is next to you, she has to force someone to move; if the only free spot in the cafeteria is next to yours, she'll bitch until everyone in her group skips lunch.

A lot of bullshit you got used to over the years, because your 'friend' has one talent: always getting in your way.

Here she comes, swaggering in a ridiculous way, followed by her procession of minions.

"Good morning," you greet her. You rest your face on your hand, hoping that yet another repetition of this shabby act will soon be over. She's standing in front of you, clutching her mobile phone in her perfectly manicured hands and slapping it in your face with an airing of contempt.

"I know! " she says firmly, but you don't understand. Not before you pinch the image to enlarge it. The elegant hall of a hotel in the city centre, a gala evening at which business leaders receive government awards, a table set and a picture of four people, two of them couples, toasting the success of a charming man in his early 40s.

"You may not know this, but Hashimoto's father took this photo. This pornographic photo where you rub up against a man who could be your father! This garbage that is now everywhere on social media. Shame on you! "she informs you, piercing you with her moral eye.

You take a few moments to admire every detail. How shiny the earrings were that Shunji, the sales manager of Japan's biggest pharmaceutical company, had bought for you! And that gown? A silk and crystal glove, so soft you could sleep in it.

"Firstly, you should learn to be less aggressive and rude, this is no way to address a person" you replied "Besides, try to mind your own business now and then! " you cut it short by handing her the phone back.

You see her tremble and smile, a smile with her teeth clenched, because you know she is only full of envy.

You, the outsider: so ugly, clumsy, useless and boring. You went to the party of the year with the pharmaceutical tycoon's son, while she was probably in a trendy club, making videos to get some random Insta-famous guy's attention.

"You are immoral!" she declares, her voice rising in anger. "I'm going to ask the school board to evaluate your behaviour!" she concludes, to the murmur of the class.

"That too! Just because you're jealous?" you laugh.

" I'll have you expelled, you can't sully the name of this institution by fucking men for..." her voice breaks for a moment as he sees your eyes go dark. "Money!" she shouts at you, making you blink in surprise.

But it is only for a moment.

Even though your heart is in your mouth, even though the risk of expulsion is real, you cannot let her have her way.

"Make sure that you succeed " you tell her, looking her straight in the face.

" Or else? Are you threatening me?" the princess sneers, suddenly uncomfortable.

"No, no," you laugh, amused "I'm not as good at hunting witches as you are. Just a reminder that you reap what you sow. So, when this whole masquerade is over, don't run to Satsuki with your complaints and try to clean up your reputation. Even she won't be able to do anything about it " you concluded as you stood up to greet the arrival of the teacher.

The chorus of voices quickly fades away and is replaced by the baritone sound of Professor Nakamura, who is trying to get you hooked on statistics with a bold and emphatic voice. You write down numbers, formulas, calculations of derivatives and graphs, but your mind has not moved an inch from what happened a few moments ago, and is unlikely to do so any time soon, at least not willingly.

You hear them throughout the class. Those snide comments whispered behind your back.

You see them when you leave the classroom: their sick looks, their nods, their fingers pointing at you.

You know their voices: hooker, escort, slut.

What they don't know is that things are not as simple or as sordid as they might seem.

What they don't know, is that those who have learned the truth have understood, and in their own way have even supported you: they know that if you could help it, you wouldn't have chosen this path.

What no one really knows, though, not even Kuri, is that you are tired of being judged, of being spied on, of being pilloried every time you speak.

You're tired of politeness.

If it is true that you reap what you sow, the sower of wind will reap storms.

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