#i wouldn't disagree with you there i'm just asking for consistency

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

"...[rellana] abandoned caria to chase after messmer, who it's clear she was quite in love with" oh come on man

[hvly]

WINDBREAKER VIRGINS YOU SAY 👀👀👀

— ⋆｡˚｡⋆ ｡˚ 𓆩𖥔𓆪 ˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆ —

speaking : yep, you heard right 🙂‍↕️ every show/manga i read is gonna get hit with my virgin ray. "i love virgins, anon ! I LOVE VIRGIIINS !"

𓆩𖥔𓆪 — disclaimer ! these are just my opinions ! if you disagree, cool. let's keep it cute. tbh, they all could be virgins, but they’re the most pressing in my eyes.

Nirei Akihiko

Don't get me wrong, I like Nirei alot ! I think he's super cute and he's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. But, until his confidence goes up, ain't nothing going down. i do think he has a separate notebook with sex tips that's he gathered from various sources. From friends he worked up the courage to ask, to Cosmo articles, to the pornos he watches on lonely nights. When he finally get brave enough to try though, best believe he'll be prepared for any possible scenario.

Sugishita Kyotaro

Again, I feel like perhaps because he's tall, quiet and handsome, y'all think he'd be laying pipe. I mean, the quiet ones are usually the nastiest in bed, right? extremely loud incorrect buzzer. It'd be a miracle to actually get a sentence out of him. And it'd be another miracle to convince him to come shake the sheets instead of playing Umemiya's shadow. The plants he takes care of have a better chance getting wet by him than you ever will.

Tsugeura Taiga

Straight up, he just scares away any possible suitors. Plus, he's a little slow on the uptake. Between being loud and a bit off putting, and his his inability to catch social cues, he is unfortunately stuck in perpetual virgindom. That's it, that's all.

Sakura Haruka

Now, put the torches and pitchforks down before y'all drag me to the town square. How do we as a collective think Sakura would react if he saw you naked? Stand there reveling in the majesty that is you, dick so hard he might pass out? No. He'd turn red and start yelling before you even get your shoes off. Get him more comfortable with being romantic/sexual, and i’m sure the yelling, stomping, flailing and cherry red blush will die down…in a couple years. Best of luck !

Saku Mizuki

Wannabe General Mizuki. The minute I saw him, I knew he was getting NO pussy. And that makes me sad for him, it truly does. He's too stiff. If, for some odd reason on your part, you decided to lay the moves on him, he'd probably lecture you on how it's inappropriate to shamelessly flirt with people. He'd kill the mood so bad. Plus that one dude called him ugly and he turned around..oof

Takiishi Chika

Take this one with a grain of salt, but from what I've gathered...he just would not be interested. I'm sure Endo has tried bringing it to his attention before. And I'm also sure he got the fire knocked out his ass as soon as it left his mouth. Now, if does decide to get his dick wet, I hope you're fully resigned to letting him do whatever he wants and possibly leaving unsatisfied. Utter anything that sounds like you're telling him what to do? Let's leave getting beat up to Endo, mkay?

Shuhei Suzuri

I think he finds fulfillment and joy in his hobbies and that's all he needs. Being able to cook for people and enjoy his games gives him the satisfaction he was missing when he was in extreme poverty. I'm sure he wouldn't really mind losing his virginity either way, but it's definitely not on the forefront of his mind. A consistently full belly and a couple video games is good enough for now.

Choji Tomiyama

He thinks everything is a game and plays entirely too much to just be fucking for real. And I think he's fine with that ! He's carefree and he's content knocking people's heads together. I do think you could probably get him to give losing his virginity a true shot if you compare him to Umemiya or make it a competition, though. But who's gonna do all that to nut? (I really just added him to make one specific person mad. Let me know if it worked <3)

Honorable Mention : Togame Jo & Umemiya Hajime

Just cuz I want to be the one to take their virginity. I have no real reason LMAOOO.

© 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘰 hvly 2024. 𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘧y.

[urf1lterr]

afterglow | pedro pascal [2/3]

"tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when i lose my mind"

previous chapter: [1]

summary: being nominated for an oscar was a dream come true, until you had to spend the rest of the night near your deceitful ex who still loved you.

pairing: actor!pedro x actress!reader

genre: acting world!au, enemies/exes to lovers ?? au | angst, fluff, fighting, mature

word count: 15k

status: 2/3 complete

author's note: SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT LOVES. even though its gonna be three parts lol i still want you to want more. i've been confused on my writing because tbh- i feel like i could do better and keep rushing with these storylines and end up regretting them AFTER they are posted lol. not edited- it really isn't.

"Let's cut the chit-chat and get some real answers, why did y'all breakup?"

"Andrew!"

"Three days have passed, she's fine now," he defended, shrugging as Florence shot him an irritated look by his prying behavior.

It has indeed been a few days since the terrible night that consisted in you meeting your favorite artist, crying beside her, running awkwardly away right after, having a screaming match with your ex, and then passing out in the car.

So, you couldn't deny it wasn't a memorable night.

The past three days could've been better to say the least if your management team stopped spamming you with text messages concerning the fight, maybe even ignoring the loads of pictures of your crying face.

Oh, the pictures. Not a fun sight to see.

Luckily for you, the pictures were only ones inside the party near Andrew- not Pedro. Unfortunately, though, your picture was turned into a 'crying in the club' meme.

You couldn't exactly be mad over it, you loved memes.

Thank the Lords the paparazzi were clueless and never ended up catching your argument with Pedro or you wouldn't know how to cover it up.

You could never get away with the typical 'friends fighting' after he shouted how much he loved you.

And bless the celebrities near you for minding their business.

To clear up your meltdown, you took it upon yourself to send out a quick tweet the next morning with a "i'm sorry i'm an emotional drunk. one second we're talking about 500 days of summer and then...well you already know how THAT ends."

In that moment you couldn't care less if people believed you or not, this was going to pass fast anyway.

Now here you were, sitting in front of your kitchen bar as Andrew and Florence decided to pay you a visit because they missed you- or so they say.

Realistically, they wanted to see if you were still a hot mess.

Which you weren't, obviously.

Shailene would have tagged along, but she was busy doing grown up things, such as working on her latest project Andrew claimed which was a slight bummer. She was the mediator, now who else was going to stop the arguments calmly between your two friends.

Florence disagreed, shaking her head. "You can't just ask her that, it's impolite."

Sighing, Andrew sent you an apologetic glance. "Okay, I am sorry." Not taking his eyes off you, you could feel his curiosity and eagerness from the other side of the kitchen. "But we're all thinking it."

Judging by how unresponsive Florence became, you could tell she wasn't going to fight him on this. And well, she was secretly on his side because your fight with Pedro was seriously excessive.

She just wanted to know what he could've done to make you so angry, it didn't make sense to her if he did cheat. He didn't seem like the type, but some people do the most surprising things- so she couldn't really tell.

"Do you want the last reason or all of them?"

Widening his eyes, Andrew shares a glance with Florence for a swift second before finding your eyes. "Last reason?"

"The last fight we had that led us to finalize our breakup."

"Finalize," he giggled, leaning on the marble counter. "This isn't a divorce process."

"For a person who is so concerned about my relationship crisis, you seem to be catch on to the most irrelevant stuff."

"So you admit you still want to be with him," Andrew declared, giving a smug look as you tried to process his words. "If you're still stressing over him, it means you don't want to let him go."

"I never said I was stressing over hi-"

"Did she or did she not just claim she was undergoing a crisis-," Andrew interrupted, slightly raising his voice. "-a relationship crisis, to be exact."

Florence sheepishly looked your way, capturing your stern expression before slowly nodding.

Your male friend clapped his hands loudly before bursting out a wider grin, happy someone had his back. "There we have it, if he's on your mind that much to turn into a crisis- you still love him!"

Furrowing your brows, you didn't know how to respond. It was true, you had many moments where Pedro agitated you even when you haven't been near him for quite some time.

But isn't being wound up over an ex part of healing?

Truth be told, you knew your feelings for Pedro hadn't completely disappeared, but love? You weren't even sure love existed by your past experiences.

"I do not love him," you hiss, vigorously snatching the water bottle on the counter and aggressively opening it. "How can love be real? It's baffling."

"Questioning the real question with a question," he sneers, making Florence and you become confused as ever. "You're so in love him."

Florence cuts in, squinting her face in puzzlement. "Wait- what's the real question she's supposedly questioning with a question?"

"Love!" he cheers happily before placing his hand on his palm, dreamingly gazing at you. "You have your doubts on what love may be, but without knowing it you're having them because you're questioning your love to Pedro since you're too scared to admit you still love him."

"I don't get it."

Rolling your eyes, you swiftly turn away and head towards your living room to lay on your couch. You were not in the mood to have someone else tell you what your feelings were when they weren't you. "I'm done with this conversation."

Hearing a low slapping noise, following an irritated hiss, you could make out Florence's displeased voice. "See what you did! Now she's not going to tell us."

"So much for moral support, you really are nosy," Andrew fought back, whispering loudly.

A minute or two went by since you couldn't make out what they were saying before rushed footsteps soon made their way near you as your friends awkwardly smiled, hoping they didn't upset you too much.

Because they really wanted to know the drama.

Pushing him roughly from behind, Florence sent you an innocent smile as Andrew landed near your side of the couch, trying his best to hold his composure and not turn back around and start another fight.

Placing a light hand on your shoulder, you blankly glance at it before meeting his attention. "We just wanted you to know we totally understand if you aren't comfortable...expressing your past-"

"Get your hand off me and let's get this over with so you two can leave already."

Florence quickly sat right beside Andrew, both not offended with your statement because they were fully aware of how annoying the were becoming.

Before you could say anything, Florence quickly spoke aloud. "Start from the beginning!" Andrew slowly looking back to her, he sent her a confused look. "So we aren't lost, of course."

Laughing lightly, you nod before adjusting yourself on your seat. It was going to be hard to remember all the details clearly because there really wasn't an exact time issues occurred, it kind of just naturally appeared here and there.

Now that you think of it, majority of the tiny disputes during the earlier days of your relationship were probably on the same level as when you two were splitting, but maybe the dense ones created towards the end really made it hard to continue.

"If I'm being totally honest, we never really had problems when we first started dating. He was really great," you begin, clutching onto a pillow you found right beside you. "And he would always make sure to watch me make it inside my house before leaving, that was when I knew he wasn't some fling."

Andrew smirked, nodding proudly. "Classic move."

Smiling at the thought, you focused your mind to uncover the ugly truths that slowly tore you two apart.

"But then one day, I wanna say a few weeks after our second anniversary, we just started...fighting?"

Tilting your head, you look down as sad memories began pouring through your mind completely. "It wasn't our usual small fights over who left the bathroom floor wet or dropping his ipad in the pool-"

"-you dropped his ipad in the pool?" Florence coughed, bewildered by your scandalous actions.

"He wanted to know if it was waterproof," you defended.

"Was it?"

"No," you nervously reply, avoiding their eyes. "But he had it backed up and I bought him a new one!"

"That was kind of a bitchy move," Andrew muttered, catching your pissed gaze. "But at least you made up for it!"

Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea to just throw it in, but he did say he was really curious and wanted to dump it under the sink.

"Anyway," you start back up again, making Andrew lowly sigh in relief. "Our fights were never that serious, or at least not until he started filming for that new tv series he joined."

Florence spoke up, lightly questioning "The Last of Us?"

Nodding, you shrugged. "I guess it's normal to say the time apart did cause a rift in our relationship, but it wasn't too bad. He always made sure to call and facetime at least once every two days."

"But one day when he was visiting during his week break he just...snapped?" you frowned, not even wanting to visualize the tiny argument.

You had to for your own good.

"He had been home for maybe two days before he suddenly became moody. Like- his attitude was insane, I have never seen him like this ever," you sigh, closing your eyes for a second before continuing. "He didn't want to go out to eat, didn't want me to make him food, and when I offered to have it delivered he slammed the bedroom door on my face and claimed he was going to bed."

"Woah, why would he do that?" Andrew asked, seriousness splattered all over his face.

You wish you knew.

"Not sure, I just thought maybe work was stressing him out so I wanted him to have his alone time to clear his mind."

"Did that work?"

Sitting up straighter, you send a sorrowful smile. "For the rest of that week-yes. He ended up apologizing to me when I tried going to bed and said his manager was being tough on him for some scenes they had done."

You remember the moment you walked inside your bedroom, disappointed that he was awake. Not wanting to cause more tension, you planned to sneak under the covers and deal with the incident in the morning.

But his arms slowly wrapping over your waist as you had your back facing him said otherwise. Pulling you closer, you remember the soft "please don't be mad at me" he whispered near your ear, making sure you felt his tight embrace as if to prove you were his.

That night ended with you turning your body over to face him, accepting his open arms as a way to answer his pleading way of forgiveness.

Like always.

"Once he went back to work, we still talked- but I could tell he wasn't fully engaged like he always was," you sulk, remembering the first time you caught him not listening. "It got to the point where I purposely stopped answering his calls."

Your friends quickly send you a shocked look, you continue before they could intercept. "I couldn't handle his lack of attention, I would rather have him panic from the rejected calls than just tell him why I was upset."

It wasn't your best move, but you were frustrated. It wasn't fair that he was the one who got to treat you poorly and you had to accept it.

You admit, maybe if you communicated with him about these issues you could've prevented many future arguments and even saved your relationship.

But you were human and sometimes humans act human.

"Then what happened?" Andrew asked, a curious appearance plastering his face. "You continued ignoring him?"

Laughing lightly, you shake your head. It was the plan, but plans don't always work out. "Actually, he secretly took a flight back home one weekend and confronted me."

Gasping, Florence jumped up in her seat and moved her leg under her. "No way!"

"Yes, way," you sheepishly reply, embarrassed at the memory. You can still picture the way Pedro stood in your shared bedroom as you stepped out of your bathroom, jumping at the sight of him.

Standing with his arms crossed with his bags thrown by the door, he was determined to figure out what was going on with you.

"I wouldn't say we engaged in a heated argument, but it was surprisingly really emotional."

Andrew leaned his body closer, too interested not to let his questions slide. "Were you guys never emotional? I feel like every couple experiences those moments together- it's what makes them stronger."

It should've made you two stronger, but instead it made you weaker without you realizing it.

"Pedro and I had our minor instances, but it never involved problems we were facing," you began, sighing slightly. "All I remember was finding him standing near the bed with no emotion- none. I couldn't read what he may have been feeling, he just looked so....empty?"

"Empty? That's not good." Florence commented.

"That could mean a lot of things, not necessarily anger," Andrew added, trying to make you feel better.

"I knew deep down he was mad, as he should be- I was the one ignoring him," you defended him, taking full responsibility over your childish actions. "But I could tell he was more hurt that mad."

"What did he say?"

"What's going on?" Pedro questioned, his eyes not daring to leave yours as you freeze- stopping your attempts at brushing your wet hair, extremely confused as to why he was here.

He wasn't supposed to visit for another month, or so he said.

"Pedro?" you squint your eyes, still not sure if he was really in front of you or maybe you were daydreaming. You were high off many shots of espressos, it's finally hitting you. "Is that you?"

Still staring plainly at you, he stays right where he was. In any other circumstances he would have run up and wrapped his arms tightly around you, but this night was different.

He looked disorientated, out of place. His eyes lacked intensity as his body followed, looking as stiff as ever. Even his breathing matched his energy, calm yet unsettled.

You left him confused and he did not like that. "Answer my question."

Batting your eyes faster, you realize what was going on and where he was. Gasping, you do the exact opposite of what he wanted. "What the hell are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be home- you could get fired a-"

Taking a hold of your arms, he stills you and ignores your rambling. "What-" he begins, moving his right hand to the back of your neck and forcing you to focus on him only. "-is going on?"

Freezing, you try to back your head away from his grip but he tightens his grasp, making sure to not be too rough so he doesn't actually hurt you- he would never do such a thing. "I don't understand-"

"You haven't been answering my calls, what else is there to understand?" He sternly recalls, not wanting you to bullshit your way out of this. "So you either have been ignoring me on purpose to be petty or this is your way of hinting you don't want to be with me anymore."

Shaking your head frantically, you try to talk but he cuts you off again. "-And don't say you've been busy. You and I both know I would have figured out if you had added projects to your schedule- your mom tells me everything."

If this were a good time, you would have laughed at his side comment regarding your mother, but it wasn't.

"Not everything," you spit out, causing him to squint his face and release his hands from you.

"Are you trying to tell me something? Are you not happy? Is that why you've been avoiding my calls?" he questions, tilting his head in bewilderment, not liking your attitude at the moment. "Because if you really don't want to be with me you should've told me sooner than leaving me feeling fucking clueless while I'm out in another country working."

"I'm not saying I don't want to be with you-"

"But you aren't denying it," he intercepts, firmly nodding in realization. "I get it, I'm just glad I know now and won't have to wait another month to finally understand how you're feeling."

Walking away from you, Pedro walks towards his bags and reaches down for them. You scoff at his disturbed demeanor. There is no way you should be the only one at fault here- you both made mistakes.

Pushing his backpack off his hands, he watches at it lands on the floor before instantly finding your eyes. "Are you seri-"

"Just because I'm avoiding your calls doesn't mean I want to end our relationship" you shriek, glaring at him as his eyes soften at your hidden truth.

Your angered expression and stiff posture hits him like a brick, there was something really bothering you and he was too oblivious to acknowledged it until you began overlooking him.

Taking a deep breath, you watch as your boyfriend intently examines you as if he's trying to read your impractical mind. Sometimes, he wished you would speak up when something was bothering you, in fact- he has told you many times in the past to do so.

But the idea of patiently waiting until it erupts is what he's sure you've normalized in fear of desertion. Or maybe refusal of reality- the two of you weren't perfect.

"What's going on?" He calmly questions again, dropping any signs of fury and replaces it with worry and concern. Reaching out to you, he softly clasps your shoulder before moving in a few inches. "Am I making you upset?"

Slapping his hand away, you cross your arms over your chest in agitation. "I'm mad at you!"

Blinking a few times, he couldn't believe how fast you spilled and chaotic your energy was. He's never seen you act this hysterical and to be honest, he was really debating asking if you were on your period or not. "Why?"

Pursing your lips together, you release your arms and let them fall on your sides. "You know why!" With that, you turn your back to him and make your way back to your bathroom to hide.

At this point, you felt it was acceptable to act unbearable- he left you feeling insignificant and you weren't going to hold it in anymore.

If you stayed there any longer you knew you would break down into tears. Showing your vulnerable side this early into an argument was too easy, you have to show how bold you were in order to get your point across.

Or anger across.

But it was really hard to hold a grudge, he was just so- loving, despite your recent incidents. Deep down, he did care about you and wanted to validate your feelings- or as best he could.

Grabbing anything you could find near your sink, you begin opening some moisturizer and splatter it around your hands to keep you busy. You could feel Pedro come inside your shared bathroom but you don't dare to peep his way.

"Honey- please," you heard him release a soft sigh as he stood behind you, watching through your huge mirror in front of the two of you. He could make out your distressed appearance and you were absolutely not fine. "You can't just steer clear from this, we need to talk about it-"

Slamming the poor jar on the counter, you swiftly twist your body to his front and feel all the rage taking control. "But did you want to talk all those times I called you?! No, you didn't give one fuck about me or Leia!"

"You named your dog after Princess Leia? That's smart," Andrew butted in, grinning. "You know, since he's in the Mandalorian and Star W-"

"We get it."

Maybe it was wrong to bring your beloved corgi into such a serious topic, but she was abandoned by her father too.

"I did talk to you! I made sure to call you whenever I had time an-"

"I'm glad I made it into your schedule- but maybe if you considered adding some compassion and empathy it wouldn't feel like I'm just another business call you hate!"

Panting, you send daggers his way as his eyes widen. Did you just say he doesn't care about your calls? Impossible- he loves your calls, it makes his days better.

"You aren't a business call and you know that. Honey, please understand- hey!" He cuts himself off once you finally had enough of his poor attempts to defend himself, trying to flee but he ends up being quicker on his feet and yanking you back to his arms.

But once you were wrapped around him, even though it was for pure captivity and not warmth, you instantly broke down. He didn't know you were in tears until he felt his shirt become damp and still then he just thought you were trying to spit on him out of anger.

Hearing your tiny whimpers, he immediately glanced down and lifted you up to catch a clear view of your face, despite your protests and blockings. "Baby, I-I didn't mean to make you cry-"

"You don't mean a lot of things," you spit out, swatting his hands that dared to reach your face. You weren't in the mood to make up, all you wanted to do was sleep your troubles away, especially with the draining work day you had.

Continuing your pulling, Pedro began becoming annoyed with your strong protests against his affection. Isn't this what you wanted? "Why won't you let me hold you? I want to console you, can't I be your boyfriend for the night and tomorrow you can continue hating me?"

"You see my tears and now you want to hold me but admit we'll still be out of place tomorrow? That's acceptable for you?" you laugh ruthlessly, allowing space to be brought in front of you. "Do you hear yourself?"

Groaning, he rubs his face hard before speaking his mind, trying not to sound too furious and scare you. "What do you want me to do? I admit, I did lack some energy-"

"Some?" you snort to yourself, your face still wet.

"Don't interrupt me," he declared, shaking his head at how rude you were becoming. "I wasn't the best partner, okay?! There, I admit it, but you don't understand how it is working constantly and not being able to see family and friends and-"

"It's like you don't even know me at all," you ignorantly chuckle over his nonsense and walk towards your bed.

What a way to dismiss your feelings.

"That's not what I meant," he sighs, following after and stopping you from opening your covers and hiding underneath them. "It's just hard being away from everyone I love, I'm in a different country. It's not like I can drive an hour away and suddenly see them!"

"I can't do that either!"

"Can't you just please, please, please- consider that my mindset is not good right now," he declares, his eyes filling with sadness as his arms slowly find your waist. Taking a deep breath, you watch as he looked up at the ceiling before biting his lip. "I know I am not being the best partner right now- or for the past few months, but I am trying."

As soon as uncertainty flushed your face, his hands tightened as his expression deepened into an emotion you never seen him explore before- dejection.

"I can't promise you I'm suddenly going to wake up and give you 110% every interaction we have," he began, his voice lowering as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "But I confess- I am being a little shit and I am willing to work on that. Just please- please don't push me away. Try to understand my situation."

He wasn't wrong, his life switched around once he accepted the role of Joel Miller and you should've known from the start he would face some difficulties. Maybe you were being too self-centered and invalidated his feeling too, not just him.

Sometimes he wasn't good with words when expressing himself and made you feel as if you weren't as popular as him, but you knew it was never his intention to hurt you like that. He had a heart and loved to use it.

Fighting over work should never be a reason to be miserable especially when it's how you both get your income.

"I-I understand," you lightly speak up, watching as his eyes light up by the sound of your now calm voice filling his ears. "I just want you to know that it didn't make me feel good-"

"Of course it wouldn't make you feel good, I was being horrible," Pedro intercepted, pulling you into a tight hug and landing his face in your neck. "And if I wasn't thousands of miles away I would totally spoil you with kisses and chocolates as my sorry."

"Chocolates are still in favor," you joke and feel him softly swat your bottom in disapproval.

Pulling away, he leans his face closer to yours and plants a sweet kiss upon your lips before backing up an inch and whispering softly, "I love you, you know that right?"

Smiling, you slowly nod and surprise him with a deeper kiss before answering him back with a familiar, "I love you, too."

"You better," he smirks, pulling his body on top of yours, hearing your light squeaks once your back hit the mattress and his lips snuck their way into the crook of your neck.

"Did you end up getting chocolates?" Andrew immediately questioned once you finished your long recollection of memories.

"That's not important," Florence rolled her eyes.

"I mean he did promise her it."

Chuckling at his curiosity, it amused you how focused he was about some candy. "Yes, he did- for like a month and then I got over them."

"Understandable," Andrew replied, looking down at his lap.

Florence jumped over him, making herself sit closer to you as he winced at her sudden movements. "Then what happened?! I mean, there had to be more right?"

"My god woman, I hope you're not working for TMZ," Andrew joked.

She shushed him before leaning closer to you, signaling you to continue on with your memories. "After that fight, things became pretty normal again. We would call each other with far more energy than before and he would even fly back home often to keep our communication strong."

"And how long did that last?"

Frowning, you took a small breath. "Like three months- then we started fighting more."

"Over?"

Rubbing your face, you groaned. "He went back to lacking energy! But that's not even the worst part."

"Please don't tell me he cheated," Andrew begged, covering his eyes with his hands while pulling a sorrow look. "I would never be able to look at him the same."

"I don't know if he did cheat- but I did find out two months before we ended things that he stayed the night at his exes."

Loudly gasping, the company you had began freaking out with their jaws dropping- literally. Florence angrily furrowed her brows, "you've got to be kidding? How is that allowed in a relationship?- It's not!"

Crossing your legs, you shrug as a way to answer her. You really did wonder what was going through his head when he did that. Sadly, you couldn't believe a word he said after you found out what he did.

Maybe that's why you were fine with ending things- because the trust was slowly disappearing.

"Not to mention he would always be with her and ditch plans with me," you form a tight smile, trying not to make things awkward but it was too late.

Who could possible hear this and not feel embarrassed for you? Classic move on his part to follow the 'being friends with my ex is okay' stereotype, but it only left you feeling unwanted and flawed.

Were you not good enough to be in his arms all those times he ditched you for her? And why couldn't he tell you what was really going on- unless he was truly hiding something unspeakable.

"Spill the beans."

Hearing a door slam, you jump up in a daze. You could feel sleep still linger on your body as you crank your neck to the side, capturing the bright '12:47 pm' located on top of your nightstand.

Slowly yanking your body up, you don't stretch as you hurry out of your room to the living room in search of the mysterious person who was either your missing boyfriend or an intruder.

Catching sight of his bright yellow t-shirt as he opens the refrigerator, you could feel your body boil up. "Where have you been? You snuck out last night without even telling me- do you even understand how worried I was?!"

Watching as he gradually turns his head to face yours, Pedro closes the fridge before leaning against the kitchen counter- completely relaxed despite your current state.

"I was out with friends," he declared, grinning to try and take pressure off from you- it didn't work. "I'm sorry, I will tell you next time. I didn't mean to worry you, my love."

Placing your hands on your hips, it pains you that you secretly don't believe a word he's saying. Normally, if this were the case, he would text you if you were sleeping or call you in the morning to inform you with what he'd done.

He did neither one.

Maybe you should test him? Ask him questions and see if he'll freeze up?

"And who were you with?"

He smiled, grabbing a cup from the pantry while easily answering, "Diego and Oscar- we had a couple of drinks and Oscar thought it would be best I stay the night."

Nodding swiftly, you examine him to see if there were any signs of him lying- there weren't. Fuck, you forgot he was an actor. It's literally his job to control his emotions! "And why didn't you call or at least send a simple text?"

After hearing your words, Pedro sends you a small smile before gently placing his cup down. Walking up to you, he opens his arms. "Baby, is that why you're so upset? Because I didn't call?"

Before you could answer, he engulfs you in his arms before swaying you both around. Feeling vibrations as he let out light giggles, you instantly dropped any suspicions you may have had because he had to tell the truth- he would never lie to you.

It's surreal how easily you could throw any convictions out the window when he touched you. It's like he jogged your memory.

"Well, why didn't you at least text?"

Removing his head from your neck, he squeezes you waist and sends you an amused smirk . "Because I was insanely drunk and if I would've used my phone it probably would have resulted in me leaving you hundreds of drunk voicemails confessing my love for you."

"And that's bad?"

He chuckled, shaking his head before pinching your side. "No, but it sure as hell is annoying."

Standing up straighter, you cautiously nod at his answer and watch as he lovingly smiled down at you. "Okay, I believe you."

"Did you really believe him?" Andrew asked.

"I call bullshit," Florence confidently declares, strong on her view that Pedro was not an honest person.

"Let me finish the story!"

Loud footsteps could be heard near your hallway as you stood behind the oven, trying your best to not burn these damn chocolate chip cookies.

Such a basic recipe yet so complex- it was truly aggravating.

"Y/n? Where are you?!" you heard you assistant squeal from a distance.

Trying to properly put your mitten on, you murmur a small "kitchen" before preparing yourself to open the oven. The amount of times you burned yourself thinking it was cool enough not to wear protection-

Point is- always wear protection.

Opening the oven door, you pull the tray of freshly baked cookies towards you as the footsteps became clearly audible. Right when the cookies were in your grip and being lifted, you heard your assistant yelp-

"Pedro was caught leaving his ex's house two days ago."

Throwing yourself up into a standing position, you forget about the tray of cookies until you feel the burning sensation upon your left arm. You accidentally pulled the tray too close to you. "Ow!"

Instantly panicking, your assistant rushes to your side in support and grabs a towel to fill with ice. Pressing downwards on the wound, you wince at the pressure that was building.

"What the hell are you talking about?" you still question, extremely curious to uncover what this situation was.

His ex? That's absurd, he hasn't dated anyone in years when you first met. It's definitely not like he was in contact with them when you made it official, he was always firm when it came with communicating with past relationships.

That was a big no-no, especially when one of your ex's tried reaching out after your last movie dropped. Pedro made it very clear how unhappy he was when he made an appearance at your premiere- your boyfriend not daring to leave your side and even blocking your view whenever your ex had the chance to gawk you up close.

At the time, people thought Pedro only attended because he was close with the director and has always been friendly with other actors. Little did they know he was being extra friendly with you behind the curtains.

"Someone snapped photos of him outside of her door! It looks like he just woke up, too." Grabbing the phone from her hands, you pull it closer to your face and watch what the screen uncovered.

There he was, your boyfriend of two-years smiling brightly as he steps outside her door in the clothes he wore the night before. The same ones he manipulated you with about being with Diego and Oscar that night.

Not just that, but peering on the side of the door was indeed his tall, beautiful ex who definitely aged like fine wine. Hell, she was gorgeous and everybody knew that.

And the fact that they broke up due to their long distance, at the time, did not help this situation. Now that they lived a few cities away, what now? Were you just a doormat he could walk all over and eventually throw away whenever he wanted something new?

Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, you refuse to take your eyes off the screen as your assistant begins speaking. "Did you know he slept over?" Glancing up, she takes your downcast face as an answer and swiftly pulls you in a tight hug. "Oh no, I'm so sorry."

You were sorry for yourself, too. How could he lie right to your face so easily knowing he was doing it- intentionally. And the most fucked up part was he probably knew you would believe him- just like all the other times you did.

"I saw that picture!" Andrew exclaimed, bewildered at his recollection. "I thought the paparazzi caught him lacking after a hook-up- damn, I wish I would've known you were together sooner."

"Same, I would have unfollowed him," Florence added. "And nobody would've known it was because of you- since you two never been public."

Forcing a smile, you give her a tiny nudge on the arm. "Gee, thanks for being so considerate."

"Continue!"

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before your flee.

Let's just say, things were pretty...eventful once you discovered his scheme.

For starters, after bawling your eyes out on your poor assistant's shoulder, she made her departure in order to clean up the spare bedroom she offered you to take if you weren't comfortable staying at your own place.

You accepted.

Once she was out the door, you fled to your bedroom and grabbed any suitcase close by and began stuffing it to the brim, not caring how disorganized it was professing as you reached for more clothes.

You were almost done packing your second bag full of makeup and bathroom necessities when you heard your front door open. Jumping up, you felt your eyes widen once you heard your name being chanted on by your boyfriend. "Y/n?!"

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself, drastically glancing around your now messy bathroom to make changes to your plan- only take things you really need.

Seconds pass and you find yourself zipping your bag and rushing out the door, that was until your body roughly collided with another- causing you to drop your belongings and land on the floor. Groaning, you hesitantly rise, immediately finding your boyfriend's body nearing yours as he pleads to help you off the ground.

"Baby, I'm sorry! I didn't see you coming out," he apologizes, using his fingertips to clasp your forearms to level you. "Look, I need to tell y-"

"Get off of me," you grit, forcibly slapping his palms off you, causing him to cease and stare stunned. He has never seen you once be this aggressive. Sure, you would reject his embrace whenever you two fought here and there, but slap? Not ever.

Brushing roughly past him, you gripped your larger suitcase by its handles and made a beam to the closest exit. You couldn't be around him, not when thoughts of him being unfaithful constantly drowned your head.

A strong tug of your makeup bag made you halt your movements, not by choice, as Pedro made sure to tighten his grip to prevent you from leaving. Glancing down at his now white, clenched hands, you glare. "Let go."

Shaking his head, he stared you down- irritated that you would just pack up and leave so quickly without even hearing his side of the story. Yes, he should have told you what really happened that night- but he knew how you'd react.

It was better to keep it sealed until he was ready to unveil- or so he thought.

"You let go," he hissed, raising one of his hands and smacking yours with it. You hate how much stronger he still was while only using one hand while you had two- fuck his strength and your poor muscles.

Groaning, you dig your feet onto the ground harder as you continue your tug-a-war charade with your selfish boyfriend who didn't seem to believe space was an understandable coping mechanism after he shattered your small heart.

"Fine," you yelp, shoulders falling slightly as he eases his grip- still holding on though. "We both let go on 3."

Tilting his head, he suddenly grew suspicious by your random middle ground. He knew you well enough to know you don't give up that easily, especially when he's fully sure, by your bolting efforts, you saw the picture. "How do I know you won't just run off after?"

"You're faster and stronger than me, you'll catch me eventually."

Internally agreeing, he knew you had a point. Even if you did escape, your little legs weren't going to get you far- he knows from all the times he tackled you down after you countlessly would steal his food.

"1," you begin, eyeing him to see if he would follow.

"2," he stared at you back, cautiously watching your every step.

Taking a deep breath, you count again. "3!" With that, you release your grip from your bag and watch as he still clutches on to the strap. "What the hell- we agreed on 3 we'd both let go!"

Nervously chuckling, he placed the bag on the ground and sheepishly smiled at you. He was glad to see you finally calming down. "Sorry, I didn't think you would actually do it."

Sending him an annoyed glance, he scratches the back of his neck for assuming you wouldn't follow your word. "Trust me, I always tell the truth."

Wincing at your cold tone, he frowns by your hard demeanor. "About that- I was going to tell you-"

Softly placing a hand over your head, you release a sound of discomfort and miss the way his eyes wander in curiosity.

"Can we talk about this after I take my supplements? I am not feeling too good," you cut him off, slowly touching your forehead as you watch his concern grow. "I forgot to take them this morning."

"You know you get bad migraines when you don't take them," he declared, sighing as he raised his hand and began softly rubbing your temple in ease.

He believed you were being serene because you weren't livid and allowed him to stop you from leaving- how wrong he was.

"I know but I had a crammed morning-"

"This is why we need to hire someone to walk Leia, we don't have enough time majority of the week!" he exhales, making you stare at the floor for the point taken. But there was no way you'd hire someone to walk your dog, that's ridiculous and a waste of money. "We'll talk after, let me grab them- stay here."

Sadly nodding, you allow him to flee towards your bathroom in search for your medicine. Peering you head a few inches to the side, you wait till the coast is clear before slowly, but firmly, grabbing your once lost bag and dashing out of your bedroom.

"I almost forgot about Leia," you muttered to yourself, instantly feeling bad at the thought of how quick you were to forget your baby. How terrible of a mother were you.

And what even was more mind blowing was how Pedro didn't catch your innocent acting. Truthfully, he must be trying to be extra helpful so you would believe him. Too late.

Finding your white corgi near the kitchen, you whistle lowly for her to follow as you peddled your way to your garage. "C'mon doggie, if daddy notices our escape plan he won't let us leave that easil-"

"Y/n?!"

Jaw dropping, you shoot a glance of panic to your dog, who only blankly stares back, before rushing to your parked car. "Just like Batman and Robin- now jump in," you hushed, opening the back seat so you could not only throw your bags back there- but also your tiny-legged corgi who struggles at first, but eventually makes it in.

Once you jumped into your seat and turned on the car, you catch a breathless Pedro rushing out through the door to your side. "Fuck."

"You tricked me!"

"You slept with another woman, asshole!" you yell back, glaring as he rolled his eyes- outraged by how unreasonable you were becoming. All he wanted to do was sit you down and have a normal conversation about this, but instead you kept running away.

Once again, he thinks you need to work on your communication skills.

"You used your failing health to your advantage- how sick are you?" he yelped, offended.

"They were gummy supplements!"

Touching your car door, he sternly peers at you as you quickly lock your doors in case he tried opening it. "I did not sleep with another woman," he started, inhaling strongly before releasing it. "Why would I do that when I am in a committed relationship? Huh? Do you think I am capable of cheating?"

Shrugging innocently, you pull a sarcastic face. "Not sure, I do know you're capable of lying- maybe infidelity is the cherry on top?"

Mouth gapping, he sends you a look of hurt and for a second you feel terrible by your choice of words. In your heart, you wanted to take it back- but your head thought otherwise.

"I would never be unfaithful to you- that's not who I am," he firmly states, feeling like absolute shit that you would even accuse him of being with another woman when you were all he thought about every single second of the day.

Dryly chuckling, you nod along to his words. He feels his heart ache, as if hundreds of knives jabbed through the delicate muscle by your painful mien. Did you really think that lowly of him?

"That's who you are to me now."

Once those words flew out of your mouth and he was able to process it clearly, he paused. Whole body turning stiff and cold, he scolded you profoundly before fiercefully charging towards your car door and pounding for entrance.

It was like a nerve was touched and he was not willing to be forgiving anymore. You struck him hard and he knew you meant it out of pure anger- not genuinely, but his awareness soon became replaced with treachery and he so badly wanted you to pay for your foul words.

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before fleeing.

Mentally checking off your items before departure, you inhale sharply before lowering down your car's mirror and pressing your garage remote- allowing the door to gradually rise and Pedro to panic.

Cursing in his head, he couldn't let you drive away or else he might never see you for days and he couldn't bear the thought of you moping around in agony without at least hearing from him- the man in the picture- what actually happened that night.

Pressing on the lever and angling down to reverse, you nervously press on the gas and allow your car to drift back as your poor dog watched through the backseat his dad embarrassingly urging you to not go.

You prayed the neighbors couldn't hear a thing, if the cops came you're sure you would never go out in public for at least six months.

Realizing that it was now or never, you see from the corner of your eye a figure running towards the back of your car before a loud thump was heard.

Shakily, pressing on the brakes and putting your car on park, you jump out in horror by the sight of legs near your back tires.

You hit him.

"Shit!" you gasped, involuntarily sprinting- as if your body just knew how to react- and dropping down to your boyfriend's lifeless body-

"You ran him over?!" Andrew and Florence shrieked, interrupting your storytelling, causing you to glare and shush them.

"Shut the fuck up- it's getting to the interesting part!"

Hugging his body tightly, you could feel your face began to fall down and your body slowly begin to tremble. In a matter of seconds, you just knew your garage wasn't going to be a pretty sight to see.

Hitching your breath, you run your hands to your boyfriend's chest and shake him softly in hopes he would open his eyes- he didn't. With tears flushing down your face, you sniff as you grip onto him harder. "Please w-wake up," you begin, trying your best to keep your touch on him but you were a jittering mess. Not being able to stay still, you press your ear over his chest to see his he still had a pulse.

Sighing in relief, he did.

Squeezing his face, you frown as his expressionless face stills. Realizing he might have passed out over a concussion, your lips begin to tremble as you finally breakdown in tears and cradle him.

Leaning over from his side, you bend your body and embrace his head into your neck. "I am such a-a fucking idiot," you squeak, your eyes shutting as you don't have the power to keep them open. "I-I love you- I should've just stayed and t-talked-!"

Cutting yourself off, you ironically feel like the lifeless one despite your literal unconscious boyfriend being in your arms at the moment. Bitch, you really had the nerve. Swiftly kissing his cheek, you plunge yourself into his neck and cushion him with your body- being as fragile as ever when handling him.

Quivering in misery, you keep a strong grip onto him before you felt pressure along your side. "It's been minutes and you still haven't called 911? I could've been dead by now."

Screaming, you instantly drop the figure once on top of you and force your thighs to back up, causing you to sit perplexed on the concrete floor.

Glancing back up, you find your boyfriend brightly grinning your way, using his arms to hold his upper portion up as you looked back in confusion. Didn't you hit him?

"I was my own stunt double for some scenes," he speaks up, smiling to himself proud as you continued staying still, confused as to what had just happened. "As long as you have the right mentality- you can take a pounding."

Registering where he was going with this, you scoff and quickly allow your feet to hit the ground. Following after you, Pedro jumps at your unpleased sight and watches as you cooly open your back door to let your dog jump out before marching towards the door to your house.

"Wait? Are you mad at me for that, too?" He calls out, tilting his head in question and proceeds to get his answer by the slamming of the door behind you. "Never mind."

Angrily storming through your hallway, you accidentally run into the wooden desk placed against the wall. "Ugh!" you scream, turning around and giving it one hard kick before making your way towards your destination- the kitchen.

"What did the desk ever do to you?" Pedro mumbled to himself, stopping right by it once you were out of sight and fixing it back up against the wall, making sure the books settled on top were nested properly before going after you.

"So that's why one of the legs is chipped? I noticed that-"

"Shut up, Andrew."

"Sorry, go on."

Finding you near the blacked marbled kitchen bar, Pedro ceased his movements. To be honest, he was nervous to confront you. Not only did you find out he slept at his ex girlfriend's house, but he made you believe he was dead.

This was not going to end well.

"How could you do this to me?" He hears you ask, you back being in his peripheral view as you leaned your body over the counter, hands gripping the ends roughly.

"Do what?" he idiotically responds back, mentally slapping himself for having the audacity to question something he surely knows.

Slowly turning around, capturing his soft yet worried eyes, he catches onto your tear ones and breaks down on the inside. "Tell me the truth." you gulp, averting your eyes to your feet as you sense him bobble his head. "Did you sleep with her?"

Choking on air, he frantically shakes his head in dismay, not believing you would actually think that despite the past half an hour of him comprehending that you might so. Maybe he just couldn't believe it would ever come out of your mouth- but this whole situation made him nauseous.

Steadily finding his balance, he inched towards your frail body as you kept your contact with the floor strong, not daring to move it even when the sight of his shoes play in your mind. "Honey," he lowly calls out, lifting his fingers to your chin and hastily bringing your vision to his own. "No- I did not sleep or engage in any sexual nor romantic activity with her."

"Then why did you go to her house and not tell me?!" you cried, nudging his hand off your face, him immediately aiming towards your waist to still have you near. "Why would you do this to me? Why would you sleep over when you know how I would feel?"

"I can't tell you," he confesses, whispering softly. Feeling your face fall, you erupt into tears again as you lift up your palms to hide behind them.

Hiccuping, your hands twitch as they support your weight and force you to fall on top of the counter and continue watering your tears there. Everything was unfair and he couldn't seem to realize how bad your fights have progressed throughout the months.

"If you really care about me," you whimper, still behind your hands as he rubs circles on your waist. "You would consider my feelings and understand why I should know what you did with her."

Sighing, he releases you waist and rubs his forehead in frustration. Pedro wasn't the type to hide things in relationships. In fact, he was amazing when it came to expressing feelings and being honest while you were the same- but you typically took longer to reveal your troubles than he did.

But no matter how loyal he was to you, it wasn't his place to share someone else's business no matter who the association may be.

"I know, baby. I know- believe me," he whispers, pulling you in for a hug and lifting you off the counter as your sobs were felt among his chest. It broke his heart. "But I can't betray her, she needed me and trusted me to see her. I can't just deceive her."

"But you can do that to me?" you reply, catching him off guard as he shuts his eyes tightly by how accurate you were being. "It's okay, I understand."

"No," he shakes his head, groaning before staring you down. "You don't understand, hell- I don't understand this either. But what I need you to know is I did not kiss, flirt, wink, tease, or touch her in any sexual way. We did not have sex - there was no removing of any clothing-"

"Then why did you sleepover?!"

"She needed me," he simply replies, causing you to laugh ridiculy.

"I needed you and you left me," you spit out harshly, not believing how he could defend himself and think you would ever fine with it.

Grunting, he runs his hand over his hair before pouring all of his stress onto you. "What do you want me to do? I told you what happened- she needed me, I helped her, it took longer than expected so I fell asleep on the couch- do you want to touch my knotted back for proof? Because you can!"

"Why am I the one being yelled at?" you respond, watching his face fall in disappointment.

Staying in your position for a minute or two, you continued examining him as he did the same, not knowing where this was headed. That was until he motioned with his hand for you to move closer.

"Come here."

Furrowing your brows, you pause at his words. Did he think hugging was going to solve all of your problems- because it wasn't. "No-"

Feeling his arms glide up along your upper body and finally wrapping around your shoulders, he pressed you up against his chest into the warmest bear hug you might have engaged in.

It was...peaceful.

Sighing, he felt your body soften by the touch. Relaxing, you closed your eyes as he made it his mission to not ease up on his grip. "I didn't do anything with her," he whispers, laying his face comfortably on your shoulder. "I promise, I love you."

Sadly, his confession made you break down more as tears flooded your face and your body fell upon his grip. Easily wrapping his palms on the back of your head, he cradled you tightly and never left your sight once the rest of that day and week.

And that's how that fight ended- with you trusting his sweet nothings and letting him take over your body with his hugs and kisses because he somehow made you believe him.

Every single time.

You wish you could have moved on from that topic that night as you allowed him to show you how much he loved you, but unfortunately that wasn't an option.

Especially when paparazzi exploited more pictures with him and his ex the following weeks later.

"And what about your last fight? You know- the one that ended things," Andrew started, making you halt. "What happened then?"

Quickly standing up, you brushed your sweatpants down before sending him a tight smile. Now that you talked about sad memories you hadn't really thought of in months, you knew the mention of your last fight would only break you.

You weren't ready to undergoing the same pain you felt that night.

"I didn't know these talks about my past would take a toll on me, but they have. I don't want to talk about it, but I appreciate the two of you checking up on me- I really do, but I think its time for me to take a shower and maybe nap- it's been a tiring day."

Feeling your discomfort, Florence and Andrew exchanged a weary glance before looking back up to you, hesitantly nodding. Probably an intense memory, they were determined not to mention it again unless you came forward.

"Alright- but give us a call if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or just plain old company!" Florence smiled, wrapping her arms around you for a quick hug before pulling back. "We can even have a sleepover."

"Count me out on that one," Andrew joked, bending down to give you the same hug. "But for real, you can cry on my shoulder any time."

"Thanks," you giggle, soon following them towards your front door as they say goodbye to your dog before departing in their own cars.

What an emotional day it has been.

-

"Do I really have to go? It's no use- I already seen the film. I don't want to rewatch it," you whine as your manager hushes you.

Walking down the side of the theatre, you clutch onto the oversized, black leather jacket you were wearing as your manager and assistant walked on either side of you, directing to to the entrance of a random theatre in the city.

Since the Oscars, nothing has really changed. It's been about three weeks now and there wasn't chaos anymore- it seemed like news about that night had already faded.

Regularly, you did chat with Florence, Shailene, and Andrew on the phone- individually at times throughout your past weeks- but nothing too crazy.

You all had your busy schedules and your manager was still being as hardworking as ever trying to exploit more of you to the press and on the screen. Safe to say, every time she had news it would always be something impressive.

Except for today, when she proudly announced after barging into your house during breakfast that there was a new film premiere you had to attend.

It's not like you opposed the idea- but you watched the film when the production team invited you to their private screening. It would be useless watching it again.

But as persistent as ever, your manager claimed there would be great press and directors attending the public's premiere, following with "an Oscar-nominated actress like you must make themself remembered."

As dramatic as always- but at least she was highly active in your career.

She did everything to make you get noticed, especially when you were at your lowest point mentally after your breakup.

Now onto past relationships, you hadn't heard any news regarding Pedro since you last saw him. Not that you wanted to, but for some reason he was still on your mind. Due to the fact you did sit with your friends ranting about your shared troubles, that's likely the reason.

But all jokes aside, you seriously can't stop thinking about him.

However, you were too scared to admit this to anyone. You tried telling Florence, but every time you mentioned his name she would immediately disregard him, pissed by how he treated you.

Which you loved that she had your back, but you needed someone else to have his own- oddly.

Maybe it was your head deep in thoughts that revealed how you were feeling, but your assistant seemed to notice that you weren't okay- mentally.

After checking in and finding a small crowd, you accepted that maybe most of the audience were in their seats already despite the film starting in almost an hour. Nudging you once your manager left to find one of the producers, you glanced at her as she motioned you to move towards the wall.

"What's up?"

She made a face, practically laughing at your question before continuing on. "Why don't you tell me 'what's up?' The whole ride here you've been silent and I know it's not because you were tired- you slept all afternoon, what's really up?"

Chuckling, you roll her eyes at how nosy she was being- but you knew she only wanted to help you. After working together for years, it was a ritual both of you performed: don't let the other be sad.

Surprisingly, it worked every time. She would hide you from people who upset you while you let her have more vacation days whenever she felt the same.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're thinking about him, huh."

Eyes widening, you shake your head quickly as she laughs at your poor attempt of denying her idea. But she knew right from the moment you got lost in your head that he was the one to blame.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," she whispered loudly, causing you to shove her as she laughed louder.

"Shut up, someone might hear you," you hiss, watching as she tried holding her breath to stop herself from cackling again. She just looked like a fish in need of water.

"Don't think about him then," she teased. "If it's making you lost in your thoughts! Wait- why is he in your head? I thought you hated him?"

Coughing, you shake your head. "I don't hate him- I could never."

"Never?" she raises a brow in shock. "I think we're seeing some progress here. You're falling back in loveeeee with him."

"No way," you scoffed as she grinned heavily. "I'm just thinking about the Oscars since that was the last work-related event I've been to since today and you know- he was there so he ended up in my mind...for a little."

She slowly nods, teasing a smug as makes it pretty clear she did not believe one word you said. Your assistant has seen everything, so she is quite familiar with your thoughts regarding Pedro.

She knows when your happily, sadly, angrily, and crazily daydreaming about him. In this case, she's stuck between happily and crazily- not seeming to find any hints of fury and sorrow through your expressions.

But definitely warmth and frustration- all due to him not being able to leave your head.

"When are you just going to admit you still love him?" She blurts out, causing you to snap your heard towards her. "Everybody sees it, you obviously have a soft spot for him if you let him be near you."

"Near me? He's never near me," you laugh. "And I never show signs I want him back, I don't. I made it clear for months now after perfectly avoiding him at all costs."

"Yeah, but he's still on your mind- that must mean something," she declares, causing your small grin to fall into a tight line.

That must mean something.

Did it?

Shaking that thought away, you reject her idea. "It means he traumatized me."

"It means you're in denial and scared to be with him again," she replied, placing her hands on her hips. "Look, I just know you two are meant to be. Next time you see him, talk to him. Tell him how much you care for him- even if you don't want to admit it in a lovey-dovey way. It can be friendly!"

Giving her a strange look, she lowers her energy quickly before looking around the room, making sure no one saw how enthuastic she became.

"You get the point!" she rolls her eyes. "Just be nice, maybe the both of you can form a friendship or just drift apart knowing there's no hard feelings."

"But there is hard feelings," you declared, pointing out the obvious.

There is a reason why you two broke up, like there is also a reason why you despise him. It all comes down to history and actions, which you've both experienced- which is why, again, you broke up.

"Just..." she started, thinking about it for a second before sending you a sincere glance. "-give it a shot. If you don't hate him, like you said, it wouldn't be terrible to be civil."

Slowly nodding, you understand where she's coming from. This tension between Pedro and you was getting old, and the fact it was only you adding fuel to the non-existent fire since you've broken up is sad.

Especially when all he's been around you was sweet and considerate of your feelings, leaving you alone when he felt your energy- except for that one night, but you have to admit that was your fault for riling him up.

The roughness of heels came marching your way, forcing the both of you to instantly lift your head- finding your manager striking a fake breaming grin with two men beside her. She was trying too hard.

"Girls! This is Greg and Shawn- the writers of the film!" she exclaimed, fluttering her lashes rapidly as both men awkwardly raised a hand, waving it.

Releasing a tiny chuckle, you do the same as your assistant walks closer, sticking out her hand to fully gain their attention and introduce herself.

What can you say- she was a charmer.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulder, your manager slightly pulls you closer to the strangers and strangely bobbles her head- preparing whatever gibberish was about to spit out of her talkative mouth.

"Y/n- the boys thought it would be a great idea to sit in the vip selection among other A-listers- isn't that just lovely? We are very grateful for your offer-"

Boys? Oh god- now she was bonding for her hopeful chances of getting a call for an audition.

Compelling a sweet smile, you feel the only possible response you could give them was a meaningless 'thank you so much' after she literally put you on blast to communicate more. The funniest part about this situation was- you already watched the film!

Clearly you never met these writers- but instead the director himself! Your manager should be satisfied enough with that.

"Would you look at the time,-" Greg- you believe, softly gasps while raising his arm to examine the tiny apple watch planted. "Guests are probably filling up in their seats by now, terribly sorry- but we should probably go."

"I hadn't realized how close we were to showtime- we certainly must continue off our conversation after the film is over!" Shawn proclaims, making your manager nod far too quickly. "I look forward to meeting again."

With that, the two men inclined their motions of farewells before taking off down a dimmed hall, likely finding the exact destination set to premiere their comedic film.

Sighing, you send daggers to your managers who barely blinks before coughing out a swift, "What?"

"You really couldn't wait till after the film was over to sweet talk them?"

Dramatically rolling her eyes at your annoyance, she waves you off by your sudden introversion. It was her job to throw her best compliments about you too them, and she knew you were still too young to understand that everything she did was for a cost.

You.

"C'mon grumpy, let's locate the theatre before you start whining that your feet hurt, too."

Feeling your mouth slightly drop from her remark, you hear your assistant cackle right beside you, using her right palm to hold in her giggles while you mentally prepared for what comeback to throw her way.

You got nothing.

Huffing, your legs followed hers as she guided the two of you towards the same hall the men approached minutes before. The closer you've walked, the larger the capacity gathered around.

For such a low-budget film, it sure did gain quite the crowd.

As the rolling of the ending credits flooded the screen once you sat the last two and a half hours trying to act as if you didn't know what was coming next, you wish you had it in you to say the second time made up for the first- but it didn't.

There we have it, tonight was just not your night and endlessly enough- you couldn't blame it on some silly excuse of watching the same film over again.

Not even your assistant's sneaky offerings of her red licorice lifted your blues- and that speaks enough volume to say the least.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" the whole-heartedly voice of your manager's voice filled your ears as the three of you sat in the same lobby as before, still not finding a way to escape a cold room.

Oh how you abominated the sharp hits of the air conditioning- it frankly made coming to the theaters a horror unless layers of clothing and a blanket was tagged along.

"Why can't we leave? The film is done and people are walking out."

"We still have to talk to Shawn and Greg!" your manager declared, presenting a look of pure determination to get her way with their levels of skill.

Groaning, you throw your head in absolute exhaustion. Fairly, if your manager hadn't had made such an early visit during the morning hours you're sure you would've been in a better mood.

It was like the more you interacted, the less energy you had to give.

In order to survive the next few hours, you needed your phone or who knows how your fake laughters will sound.

And you call yourself an actress.

Sliding your hand to the back of your pockets, you wait for the feel of your large iphone to surface- but that moment never comes. Swiftly, you check your leather jacket ones just in case you slipped it there without realizing.

You didn't.

Anxiously glancing towards your assistant, your trembling hands find her arm. "Have you seen my phone? It's not on me."

Examining your hands before meeting your eyes, she shrugs it off. "Relax, no need to have a nervous breakdown- I'm sure you left it in the car with your bag-"

"No, I had it on me during the previews."

"We did go to the bathroom, too- why not just go check those two places?" she suggests. Concerned filled you, hoping nobody was capable of actually stealing your phone- it would be such a hassle getting another one. "I'll check the bathroom, you check our seats."

Agreeing, the two of you sneakily escape your manager when her back was turned, unpleasantly speed walking down the familiar hall before parting ways to your needed locations.

Opening the thick, black doors and striding up the long runway, your eyes are met with the same darkened seating area you were in less than twenty minutes ago.

Then and there, you use this desertion in power- running towards the middle rows consider 'vip' and begin your inspection. Fuck, you wish your had some form of light to help- you couldn't see shit.

Sliding your fingers among the seat, you lift up the cushions in hopes it mysteriously pops up, but all you find is pieces of popcorn and gum glued down.

Gross.

Feeling your eyes begin to water, you were sure you were seconds away from crying like a little kid over the loss of your beloved possession before you heard a deep voice call out for your attention.

"Is this yours? I heard it ringing when I came back in and- uh," the person froze, not having the ability to finish off their sentence as you gradually lifted your body off the floor into their view.

Hopelessly praying the stranger was regarding your phone, your eyes search for their hands first and there it was- your phone!

The corners of your mouth lift up, as well as the creases around your eyes as you internally cheer for your discovery. However, it faltered once you noticed a familiar tattoo laying on one of their palms. Moving your eyes up, you're sure your smile completely disappears once you recognize those brown eyes.

How did you not catch onto his voice from down there?

"Uh- yeah- that's mine," you nervously reply, choking on your words that probably made you sound like you were about to lose consciousness by how strung you were, and hesitantly reach out for the device.

Pedro quietly lets you grab it, not saying one word as your hands collide for a split second before the object was back in your own. You didn't miss the name that appeared on the lit up screen when touched- your assistant must have tried calling you to see if the phone would ring in the bathroom.

Smart.

Avoiding awkward farewells, Pedro swiftly turns around and makes his way down the theatre stairs, not daring to continue on with the barely existing conversation you shared. He's leaving, that fast?

Thinking about all your past interactions, he would always try to chat with you- even when you did give him the coldest shoulder of all time- because that's who he was: kind.

But now he's...walking away?

"Hey- uhm," you begin, following clumsily after him, almost tripping on one of the steps as he reaches his final steps and doubtfully turns your way. Once you stood another step ahead of him, you feel that swirling feeling in your stomach again.

You were nervous- you've never felt this way around him during your breakup- never.

Adjusting your arms inside your jacket, a small smile is extracted out of you as you watch his stay flat. He did not look interested one bit and it frightened you to death. "Thanks for finding my phone- I-I was really scared there for a minute."

Not reacting to your little laugh at the end, he replied- dull. "I didn't know it was yours, I would have given it to guest services if so."

Ouch, you're sure you're hurt expression was recognizable on the outside as much as it pained you on the inside. He really did not want to talk to you, even when you're showing your appreciation.

He really was over you.

"I know," you squeak out, not missing the way his eyes tiredly scanned your own as his body stood there stiff as ever. "I just wanted to thank you, that's all- you saved me a lot of trouble."

Coldly laughing from that, he nods. "I'm sure I have."

Your body tingled with rage as he carelessly ignored your warmth and threw jabs in return. "What's with the attitude? I'm doing nothing wrong here- I'm trying to be friendly."

Inching up, his face presents a sullen one and you immediately feel intimated by the height he owned and used as his advantage. Just the first few seconds before he spoke alone made you feel his displeasure. "And what about all those times I was friendly? I received shit so forgive me for allowing you to experience the same treatment you give others."

Loss for words, you were speechless and didn't know what to say back. For one, you were alarmed by his hard demeanor he gifted to you. Second, humiliation soared throughout as he called out your imperfections.

In other words, he wanted you to know you were a bitch.

"And I take that back but-"

Pedro was about to burst out laughing in front of your face, but he held himself together in sake of your feelings. Can you believe that, despite the misery he still cared for your state of mind. "Taking back isn't apologizing."

Sneering, you cross your arms as his eyebrows furrowed in irritation. "Apologize for what? You were the one who fucked my life over."

Scoffing, he shakes his head in vexation by your lack of empathy- as always. "Countless of times we would contemplate our faults and how we could move on and now you're discounting your wrongdoings- typical."

Pedro did not want to have another unpleasant argument with you, especially in a public setting again, and decided it was best to just walk away. If he kept his mouth shut, he wouldn't make this altercation worse.

Meeting his broad back, you lightly gasp as he ignores you altogether and makes his leave far too early for your liking. Charging towards him, you feel his back solidify once your fingers yank him to a halt.

You were not done with this conversation, but you did know once you got home you were definitely going to regret how toxic you were radiating in the room.

"Typical? What do you mean by that?"

"Knock it off and let me walk away, y/n," Pedro warns, still facing his back towards you after blocking your attempts of moving him. "We both know how badly this will end."

You know, but for some reason you don't want him to leave. Was that so bad?

"No, I wanna hear exactly what you have to say about me- maybe it'll make me recognize the ignorant ego I have."

"You're talking out in anger, you're trying to cause a fire that I won't let you ignite," he simply replies, his eyes still not found by his hidden appearance.

Very poetic.

Scowling profoundly, you don't realize what you're doing until you're finally met with his provoked display after. Stalking around his body, you stand in front of him and jab a finger towards his chest. "You're preventing me from bettering myself, isn't that what you always wanted?"

Leaning down until his face with inches away from yours, you make out his hard features clearly now. His face expressed discomfort as his eyes creased while lifting- even his lips stayed hard as a rock. "I'm going to tell you one more time, let me go."

Ignoring his cold shoulder, he inhaled a sharp breath before taking matters into his own hands. You don't want to listen? Fine. But he wasn't going to let you drag him into this any further.

Right as you push another finger up against him, your wrist was taken and roughly pushed down by your side as Pedro's body practically belted against yours. "Get off me!"

"Not until you stop fucking around," he grunted, immediately widening his eyes in realization. He knows you don't like when he casually curses directly to you- even when he doesn't harm. "Sorry- I-I meant when you stop playing around."

Praying that a smile doesn't escape you, it made you feel some type of way capturing his manners and how even though you two were on rocky terms- he still had some respect for you.

"Why are we even fighting right now?" you sigh, slowly softening your muscles in forfeit.

"You tell me- it sounds like you want my attention," he casually replied, releasing your hands and stepping back an inch. "Considering you won't let me leave."

"I'm just trying to have a normal, polite conversation! Is that so wrong?"

Softly laughing, he shakes his head in disappointment. "You don't get it."

Scrunching your face, you become lost by his words. "Get what?"

Scanning the wall before meeting your eyes again, Pedro motions his hands between the two of you. "What do you think will come out of us having a conversation? Acquaintances? Maybe a friendship?"

Thinking about it for a second, you feel your head eventually nod as he squeezes his eyes shut in return. Was that not what he's been trying to do- end in good terms? "It's what's healthy for us."

"Us?!" Pedro groans, sending you a tired gaze that had you weak to the knees. "There is no 'us' anymore. You made that perfectly clear after causing a scene last month in front of your friends."

"I didn't plan on that happening a-"

"I'm even letting go the bigger scene you caused inside the after party- isn't that enough to understand why I feel this way?" he adds on, frustrated that you would think otherwise.

You were the one who caused the attention and brought a bad look on his name. He should be shouting at you like you would have done to him if the roles were reversed.

"I'm not saying we should get back together, all I want-"

"-is a friendship? Some sort of relation that won't make us strangers?" he interjects, causing you to stay silent. That was all he needed to understand what you really wanted: not to let him go. "Look, we had our history, but I don't think it's good we keep in contact anymore."

You swear you felt all air leave your body as your face felt cold. Was he breaking up with you- in life itself?

"I-uhm don't- I don't understand," you cough, scared to make a bigger fool out of yourself. You're sure you probably look like a ghost by how much color you've lost since his recent reveal and again- you were grateful this room was dim. "Why can't we at least be friends? Not even that- why can't we at least know we have each other in our lives? Why end up as strangers?"

"What do you mean? We hadn't talked to each other in almost a year till last month! We basically are strangers," he exclaimed, causing you to look down at your feet as your heart ached.

He wasn't wrong- you just hadn't realized he's been right. And to blame was you, not him. You pushed him away in the first place, he was only kind enough to oblige.

And it was surely pathetic how now you wanted him back in your life, even if it meant not even talking just to assure yourself he still had your back.

He didn't.

"Y/n..." he sadly muttered, trying his best not to hurt your feelings as you were still continued to stay downwards- not wanting to disclose more hurt. "You didn't even say happy birthday to me, how can you be considered a friend? Friends don't do that, not to me at least."

This caused you to glance back up to him, disagreeing immediately as to what he was trying to get at. Of course you knew it was his birthday, you celebrated two with him in the past! "I didn't want to make things weird-"

"You never do but still avoid me like the plague and breakdown whenever I'm too close to your liking. I'm sorry for trying to do what's best and leave us in the past,-" he explains, closing his eyes in discomfort, "-but I can't keep letting this go on. I'm too old to be going back and forth as if this is some high school relationship- it's not."

High school relationship- you never knew simple three words could have you shrinking in guilt.

"And I know things will be easier for you when the time comes- I won't be around to nag you," Pedro tries to lighten up the mood but you can't break the line upon your lips. You were emotionless and it made Pedro upset.

Why would he be upset? You finally deserved learning your lesson after treating him as if he was nothing to you. But despite all your flaws, he still cared for you.

He cares so much that he's willing to let you go so you can do better things in life- without him.

Trying to find the right words to say, you give up. There isn't much to discuss now that he wants nothing to do with you.

You fucked up- for real this time.

In fact, you shouldn't even be hurt- you wanted this. Or at least that's what you thought before last month when he wasn't on your mind 24/7.

Maybe it was the way he begged for your forgiveness after not seeing each other for so long that made you realize how badly you adored him nearby.

Maybe it was the attention he was giving you after you continuously rejected his pleads, furthering the argument until he stormed off in the end.

And maybe you should've took his concluding estrangement announcement seriously before he left you last month.

But just like they say, you never know what you have until it's gone.

"I see," you quietly respond, slowly nodding as a faint grin forms among Pedro's lips, appreciating your cooperation over this mess. "Maybe it is best if we stray away from each other- you can even delete my number."

"I already have," he accidentally blurts out, not realizing how bad that sounds until he hears it himself and cringes. Your sufferable reaction didn't make things better.

"You know what," you fake a laugh, trying to calm your voice as you feel it about to crack any second. The tears were heading your way- you just knew it. "Fuck you."

Pedro's face falls, taken back by your inappropriate language. "Excuse me?"

Noticing your rushed attitude, he wanted to stop you and tell you everything was alright. That everything was going to be easy and how the two of you would get passed this.

But he knew he'd be lying.

"You heard me, fuck you," you casually slip out, scoffing as his eyes darken. "For someone who's so kind to others, I would have thought you would know what words were right to say."

"You're one to talk, sweetheart," he chuckled, staring at you in repulse. "Every time you talk you always have to neglect someone else, I'm fucking glad I don't have to witness that ever again."

"Me too, my family was right- you are a joke who wasted my time."

With that, you make your leave to have the chance of having the last word. Maybe if you left this room faster he would forget about your comment. You knew it was harsh but you didn't know what else to say.

You wanted him to hurt- but to what extent?

Your arm was instantly tugged as Pedro pulled you back, not letting his grip go as his face was still filled with resentment. "And your team was right, you are a bitch."

Freezing, you stare at him in shock as his face doesn't fall once. What the hell is he talking about? "Get away from me or else-"

"Or else what? Weren't you the one physically blocking me from leaving minutes ago? What has changed?" he tries to smirk, manipulating you into believing how ruthless he could be when really he was dying to tell you the act he was pulling. "Cat got your tongue?"

Your face felt hot with rage as you yanked your arm off his hand, catching him by surprise as you glared at him. "I'm so glad I never took you back, you're fucking pathetic."

"And I'm insanely glad you didn’t, saved thousands returning that fucking ring."

Those twelve words made you halt and even made Pedro speechless. By the staggered look planted on his face, you could tell he didn't mean to say that.

Ring? As in, an engagement ring?

Weakly failing to stand straight, you felt your voice crack. "You were going to propose?"

Shaking his head, he swiftly backed away. "I need to go." Before you could stop him, he was already out of the theatre and probably near larger gatherings of people that would only prevent you from talking about this more.

Holding your face with your hands, you couldn't even cry. You didn't know what to do, you were utterly lost for words.

If he was really going to propose like he hinted at, what meaning did your last fight have? Nothing made sense and you don't know how you could move on from this now that he wanted you out of his life completely.

Hearing doors open, you instantly averted your gaze in hopes he had come back in and planned to properly finish what he started.

Instead, you manager came barging in while gripping onto your assistant's wrist harshly.

"Where the hell have you been?! I've been looking for you everywhere and to find out your stupid assistant-"

"Don't you dare disrespect her," you sternly cut her off, watching as her face falters by your sudden tone. "If you're here to pester us some more, feel free to walk home."

Laughing in shock, your manager tilts her head at your rudeness. "Excuse me? It wasn't my fault your assistant wondered off. After everything I have done to protect you and your career you feel the need to throw me out-"

"Did she hurt you?" you cut her off, focusing on your assistant who has gone quiet. You notice the redness on her small wrists before she slowly nods, looking down in fear your manager would try something else.

"You're fired," you simply state, pushing past your frantic ex- manager as you lightly guide your assistant out the door.

You ignore the rage your ex- manager unveils as you make it back to the lobby. Ignoring the waves random people sent your way in hopes of finding your destined car sooner so you could help your assistant with her injuries and be home already.

And in bed to think about what the fuck just happened tonight.

+

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[a-d-nox]

my experience, given my 9h, one year post uni graduation

so as many people know who have been here for awhile my 9h... its a bit much...

for a long time, i have seen people say that pluto and/or chiron in the 9h would mean that you would drop out of college or what have you.

i am living proof that its not always the case.

my experience was the chiron placement giving me anxiety - i hated that i wasn't as great as i had expected i would be. i hated being a psych major (i feel like i have a decent ability to listen and advise others, but it just didn't feel right after 3 years in the major). my department then was shaky because the psychobio/pharm side was questionable at best; maybe one or two people would pass the tests the rest would fail and then it would be curved. the teaching style didn't work and their were no other professors or tutors available to help (WHICH IS INSANE). so i was feeling hopeless and anxious... and depressed... i couldn't see myself passing a test at the end of the term let alone going on to help others if i couldn't understand (which i connected with grades - it didn't matter how many mind maps i made on a topic) the material.

we can skip the dark crap that i went through during that time too because we have already talked about it-

so i healed myself (chiron can be wounded, but he was healer first foremost) by changing my major (pluto is the change).

yay english major - the venus there is really "a doing (learning) what i love" signifier in my opinion.

all this conjuncts my mc, so yes - i got my degree, awards, and lots of people knew what i went through by the end of it because i wrote about it in the school newspaper.

BUT ON TO THE REAL REASON I AM WRITING THIS.

what happened when i stopped being in a learning environment?

it's been a year. to be honest, the 9h chiron feeling is crawling back in. i am sure everyone notices that my posts are more sporadic and just less in general. i am mentally exhausted - i work an 8-5p corporate office job (not in my field). it's hard to not feel uninspired by the end of my day. i feel like i am becoming stunted.

my brain was a sword and without school and constant/consistent learning (especially in areas i am interested in), i feel my sword is without a whetstone.

not to be a complainer (but yes to complain) corporate america squeezes out your motivation, your creativity, and your drive if you are there long enough and if you are in the wrong spot long enough. in my situation, i feel like i try to ask questions and make change and i get rejected? so more stunting.

i feel like people would disagree, but with a 9h like i have (or if you have any of these objects singularly), you have to keep learning. you have to be in the right environment that allows you to continue to expand your being. you have to read outside of work, get certification, take classes, maybe even get more degrees.

personally, i feel like i am not as intelligent as i was a year ago - i'm tired and uninspired. i am tried of fighting for something different where closed mindedness exists. i never felt more free then i was when i was in a classroom.

to wrap this up, it doesn't matter how scary the house looks (chiron, pluto, etc). it needs your attention. if anything, you need to nurture it more. just because you didn't have the best experiences in the area doesn't mean you should ignore it - your "wounds", the "darkest" areas in your life still need your care. wounds heal and without the darkness we wouldn't know the beauty of the light.

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[basicallyaturtle]

never been part of a tag game, sounds really fun! tagged by dear Lanvender, @khan-crete

Do you make your bed? A freshly decrumbed, stuffed animal arranged and dirty clothes removed bed feels great. How often do I do this? We mustn't ask (like once or twice a month) that's all making the bed entails for me, I just have a fitted then normal sheet and blankets

Favorite Number? 4 4 4 4 4! I've loved four my entire life she is like a goddess to me. 2+2 2*2 2^2, divides into halves twice. can only compete with sixteen, whose status and 2^4 and 4^2 is nice, but not as symmetric. 37 and 73 have a place in my heart as the 12th and 21st primes, but not a large place compared to 4

What's your job? What do I get paid for? undergrad lab TA, what do I do? grad research in low energy nuclear physics

If you could go back to school, would you? In school technically still. Would I rewind time to experience school again? highschool no college yes. would I go back for another college degree? I could be convinced if it would be cheap and unobtrusive to my current schooling. Was always torn between physics and linguistics. I made the right choice but I always wonder what if.

Can you Parallel Park? I have done it, on the driving test, like four or five years ago. I think I could do it again, but not too confident

Do you think Aliens are real? Eh, probably in a 'the observable universe 9.3e+9 ly across, it must have happened more than once' kinda way, but not in a 'they've been feeding us tech for thousands of years or are visiting us' kinda way.

Can you drive a manual car? Never tried, hubris tell me yes, anxiety with even normal cars tells me I'd probably fuck up the transmission while trying to leave the driveway. gonna say yeag

Guilty Pleasure? I think like cheesy childhood disney live action movies?, generally I'm pretty full chested about the things I enjoy

Favorite Type of Music? yeah, hard, a lot of vocaloid, which isn't reallly a genre, a lot of edm genres from like old school monstercat, a lot of jrock by way of anime OP's of show's I've never watched then finding other songs by those artists. some rock music though that genre is also extremely expansive and I'm not sure how I'd categorize a lot of it. Generally my music consumption consists of a group of maybe five songs completely unrelated on repeat for months at a time and genre is not a huge factor in that

Do you like puzzles? twisty puzzles like rubik's cube type puzzles are really fun working, towards doing a 3x3 blindfolded but challenging, I used to do jigsaw's with my mom but over the course of a very long time because we'd get frustrated. crosswords, but I'm no good at them

Favorite Childhood Sport? Soccerrrr. Wish I'd stayed with it, but there were only a couple more years before there wasn't a league for my age group anyway, been trying to get back into it recreationally

Do you talk to yourself? I do, but as if I'm talking to someone else. I prefer not to do it because I'm not content with my voice atm, but I find myself doing it a lot especially when getting stuck on research stuff trying to talk it out or I will say a comment to someone I disagree with outloud rather than typing it and posting it. A lot of this is to my reflection which is probably part of the reason it feels like someone else lol

Tea or Coffee? tea all the way. drank iced sweet black tea my entire childhood and started drinking it hot with milk in college. I was the kind of person that disliking coffee was a sort of pillar of my tastes, but then a few years ago made it with like half milk and a lot of sugar and like it, lotta people wouldn't call that coffee, but eh.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? The actual first thing was everything. I would amalgamate like all the stereotypes of things kids want to be into one so a firefighter-astronaut-whatever else. When I got a better sense of my interests, inventor, so I guess like product designer, but what that meant to me was I got to sit around and think of neat gadgets and items then figure out how to make them like freeze ray, time machine, clone gun, that kind of thing lol. the first practical idea of a job I wanted was theoretical physicist in like middle school, which I kinda am now so success I guess

What Movies do you Adore? not much of a movie person, but like to watch movies other people are interested in with them, love castle in the sky, LOTR, howl's moving castle, your name, probably others in those categories I don't know about yet or have forgotten and I have a strong soft spot for childhood halloween movies like twitches and halloweentown

I'm curious what @arc-archernar and @charyou-tree have got to say if they'd like to, and anyone else that wants to participate!

[epickiya722]

So I just read a meta about how Yuji is not at all parallel with Getou. "Because Yuji is really kind from his heart unlike Getou...." Can I ask, is there really an interview where Gege said that Getou is too kind in the cruel JJK universe? Do you agree with the parallel between Yuji and Getou?

[I apologize beforehand, this kinda got long because I got into the topic and I'm running on low HP. So this may be a little all over the place. 😅]

Okay, so I don't know if there is an interview of such a topic (I'm still "new" to JJK, like I'm just being more active again enough though I had been into the since it premiered and picked up the manga, not important right now though) but I can answer that second question!

I disagree with the fact that Yuji and Suguru can't be compared because Yuji is "too kind". Don't get me wrong, my boy is so kind. And the same be said for Suguru once upon a time.

So I do agree with the parallels.

The thing is, Suguru didn't start off as some evil guy. And even if he did, that doesn't mean him and Yuji can't be parallels to each other, let alone be compared.

Sometimes, it seems forgotten that Suguru was just a child, too, when his life took a whole different course. He was just a year older than what Yuji is when he witnessed the death of Riko. At 17-18 years old, he finally snapped.

Sure, they're totally different characters on the surface. When you see Suguru, you wouldn't think Yuuji and vice versa. It takes sitting down and letting your mind wander and seeing those similarities.

If there are hero characters that serve as parallels to their villains, I don't see why Yuji being "too kind" would be an issue to why he can't serve as a parallel to Suguru.

Now, I don't know if Gege wants us to see them as parallels, but I do see that the characters share some similarities. Wrote a post of said similarities way back when, but I'll do a recap here!

Small details are that they're both are/have been in a trio that consists of them (Suguru and Yuji), a girl with a bob (Shoko and Nobara) and another guy who comes from a high-status clan with a string technique born in December (Satoru and Megumi). They both lost a limb (Yuji lost a hand and Suguru lost a whole arm), fought some old guy, has fought Yuta, and has a thing for loose clothing.

Now, I see those more as coincidences. But there are bigger details that more-so dwell into and shape into their characters.

They have witnessed someone die in front of them and someone's death had set them off somehow to the point of Suguru and Yuji being enraged and questioning how things work.

Suguru was less than a yard away when Riko was killed in front of him and moments later, Toji tells him about Satoru. Suguru was already still in shock with Riko's death since it just happened and then Toji pushed him further with Satoru's "death" (yes, Suguru didn't see Satoru die, but his "death" was a trigger for him, like that's his other half right there). There's also Haibara's death. Haibara's death was definitely another tragedy for Suguru given that Haibara was kinda the hope spot for their group. He was literally the sunshine and then that dreadful mission happened.

Yuji witnessed both deaths of Junpei and Nanami at the hands of Mahito. And as had death had been for Suguru, their deaths affected him greatly. Junpei's demise kicks off Yuji's hatred for Mahito and it's just the beginning of how his character begins to change. Yuji starts off more optimistic in the story, by the time the Shibuya Incident Arc ends, he has pretty much dulled. He already accepts his death in the beginning, doing what he can to save people. But then, he lost his fight against Choso, Sukuna did what he did and then Mahito came and killed Nanami and (seemingly) Nobara.

Both characters came to the realization that the jujutsu world sucks. They're just tools ordered by others (the Higher Ups 🙄) who don't do a damn thing really, to kill curses that will just keep coming. They accept that, but in different ways. For Suguru, he deflects and decides to "fix the problem" by killing the cause of Curses. Which is humans, or to be specific: non-shamans. For Yuuji, when he accepts it, it's when he has his final battle with Mahito. He doesn't decide to kill humans. He just accepts that "Well, Mahito, you're right, I am you. I am a killer."

Crazy thing is, when both Suguru and Yuuji hit their breaking points and kill/attempt to kill someone (Suguru with the village and Yuji with Mahito), it wasn't like they're enjoying it for revenge purposes or anything. They're both emotionally drained and just act on the simple nature of being a jujutsu sorcerer/curse user. They have those dead looks in their eyes.

Another trait they share is swallowing cursed things, which, again, plays into shaping their characters.

Suguru swallows curses and does not enjoy the taste at all. And it's something he has to do over and over and over. Curses are nothing but trouble for him. In his past, he uses his technique for saving, to do good as he believed he should do. When he chooses to be a curse user, he uses his technique in exchange for money. As a teenager, he pretty much was using a technique that slowly was mentally destroying him for people who wouldn't even know he was saving them and for people who wouldn't care less about him. If he's going to swallow the thing that he hates most just as much as he does for non-shamans, he might as well do it benefit himself.

His technique, piled on with the deaths he witnessed as well as the ugliness of people changed Suguru for the worse.

Same could be said for Yuuji. While he doesn't have to do it as often Suguru does, he still gets just as much mental damage as Suguru. At first, he handles it a little better, it's even played for laughs a little. When he first swallows one of Sukuna's fingers, it's to save his friends and Megumi. He doesn't think about it, he acts on it. When he swallows the second finger, it kicks in how gross it is, but he brushes off the taste. The third finger, he wasn't even conscious for. Sukuna swallowed that one. Four finger, again, Sukuna did that. However, even though Yuuji is aware that the more fingers he swallows, the closer his execution date is, and isn't sure how many fingers it would take for him to lose control of Sukuna, he just asks "should I eat it"?

It's when fingers 5-15 are consumed when things really hit Yuuji hard. He loses his fight against Choso, and is unconscious and close to death, which allows the Hasaba Twins to feed him finger #5. Jogo comes along and feeds him the next 10 fingers.

Sukuna takes over and we know what happens after that.

After Sukuna destroys Shibuya, he dumps that trauma on Yuuji who blames himself for the destruction. It goes down even further down hill for him.

Speaking of Sukuna, that's another thing they share. Not Sukuna, but body possession.

Both Suguru and Yuuji's bodies become vessels for 1000+ year old beings that cause nothing but problems for everyone else all while they're being used for other's advantages.

Kenjaku possesses Suguru's body to use his technique. Sukuna possess Yuuji's body as a way to be brought up into the world. Although he doesn't have control of Yuuji's body all the time, whenever he does, he makes sure to make the most of it.

(And if you're a manga reader, you know he definitely have done that.)

It also strikes me as interesting that both characters have a connection to Kenjaku in some way. As mentioned, Suguru's body is possessed by Kenjaku and Kenjaku is responsible for Yuuji existing. And I just know that had to be foreshadowed, too.

That part when that the Worm Curse Toji had comes in contact with Suguru can calls him "mommy"? Yeah... Suguru becomes a mom, alright. Adopts twins a year later, dies years later after that, body gets possessed. And what do you know! Suguru's body gets possessed by Kenjaku... who just before taking Suguru's body had been parading around as Kaori Itadori... Yuuji's mother!

Really, what sets Suguru and Yuuji apart is that Suguru ended up from being a hero character to a villain.

For two characters to never had interacted, they do have similar stories.

[autolenaphilia]

So I do literally have my pronouns in bio. Now it should not be a requirement or anything. If you don't want to put your pronouns in bio, don't put them there, and I'm totally okay with that.

I didn't put pronouns in bio until my egg cracked because I was uncomfortable with the thought, turns out I was uncomfortable with gendering myself for a reason.

But if someone does put pronouns in bio, if they are easily accessible, I do think you have the responsibility to respect them. It feels like a fairly basic social media courtesy. To do otherwise is textbook misgendering.

Of course I presume here you are not a transphobe who thinks misgendering is okay or even obligatory (as some of them explicitly claim). If you are, fuck off, i'm not that interested in litigating my value as a human being or my status as a woman. My assumption here is that misgendering is bad and I don't particularly need to establish why.

Referring to someone by the wrong pronouns when said person has made their pronoun preference very clear, there is no other word for it but misgendering. In fact, misgendering someone with their pronouns in bio on social media is often less excusable than many accidental misgenderings in meatspace, because we often don't make our pronoun preferences that clear and obvious in meatspace.

it does take a few seconds to check the bio of a social media user, but being polite and courteous sometimes requires effort, which is not a blanket excuse to be rude. If it is too much effort to look it up before writing something about someone, then save all your effort and just don't write anything at all.

And using singular they/them about a specific person is misgendering, if said person has made their non-they/them preference clear, by for example putting their actual pronouns in their bio. You are not being "genderneutral", you are just misgendering and being rude.

This is a well known tactic of transphobic misgendering. Like if a writer wrote an article about Chelsea Manning and consistently they/themed her, the fact that said writer is a transmisogynist who is misgendering her wouldn't be in much dispute. They/them is often just the acceptable form of misgendering.

And also "dude/bro/man" are not genderneutral, I will barely dignify such nonsense with a response.

Being gendered correctly is not a privilege of the famous either. This applies even if the person in question is a random tumblr user and you are another random tumblr user writing about them. You should check their bio before writing about them. You should especially check if that person is likely going to read what you write, if it is a reply or tags to a post they made. It's not nice to get misgendering of you in your notifications. This feels like fairly basic courtesy on social media.

Failure to check is at best rude and impolite, and people have a right to object to being misgendered. And then ask for a correction and an apology. And really, all you have to say in such a situation, is something like "I'm sorry, I didn't check" and then maybe correct the misgendering post by editing it. Unless you are really committed to being able to misgender people without pushback, it's likely not the end of the world, and the person being misgendered will likely accept a sincere apology.

And this applies even if you don't like the person in question, if you are writing something that disagrees with their take. Being gendered correctly is not something that you have to earn, it's not a privilege for good behavior, of having the correct takes, of never making a mistake. And it can't be taken away for perceived and real transgressions. It is still unacceptable to misgender an unpleasant person.

Pronouns in a social media bio are not there for a person's friends, it's there so that random strangers interacting with a person's account will hopefully read them and gender the person correctly. The pronouns are there for you to read and respect.

(before anyone tries to be clever on the reading incomprehension website, , I'm using a generic singular they/them in most of these sentences. If you are talking about a specific person, who uses she/her or he/him or any pronouns that aren't they/them, it's msigendering to use they/them for them)

[badmuni]

⁠୨୧ : meowz reacting to you starting a water gun fight !

★ scenarios¡ ★ boys x reader. ★ 0.6k words. ★ fluff.

박종성〃Jay Park — #1

One good point about Jay is that he's never late.

He has consistently been on time for your dates, and he also has a tendency to expect it of you, complaining a lot when you're not on time. You might be upset about it, but he counters, ”We can't lose any time that we could be together,” simply because this argument is super effective.

Not that you disagree with what he says, both of you loves to be around each other, but on this day that Jay was supposed to meet you at your house, he broke his word by making you wait for him for nearly 4 hours. He totally forgot about your plans and it was far too late for his own good.

It was nearly midnight when he came over, and when his feet touched your bedroom's floor, he immediately began apologizing.

“I'm sorry, darling. For real, I'm so sorry...”

You moved slowly while Jay spoke because you had an ambitious plan. Not out of revenge, but you wanted to surprise him some way.

Seeing the water gun in your hand, the boy went silent.

“Hey... What's this...?” he asked, already praying for his life on his mind.

“It's okay, honey. I will not do dirt.” you came to appoint the gun to him and he threw up his hands in despair, which was actually funny.

“Hey, no, hold on, let's talk, let's find another way to fix this-”

Too late, the shot touched his face which would now be wet. But the fun wouldn't continue much longer since Jay attacked you and made you put down your gun. Which triggered a war, leaving you in your bed unable to move your arms since Jay was holding them and keeping you pinned beneath him.

“I can't believe you just did it”

And he dramatized it for the entire week.

양정원〃Yang Jungwon — #2

Mr. Yang never gets mad.

No matter what you do, he doesn't get mad at you. He is annoyed at best but mad? You never saw wonnie mad before.

You questioned him out of curiosity, and he responded, “There's no way I'm getting mad with you, jagiya. What reason do I have?” The boy acts as though nothing actually upsets him, to put it bluntly.

On that day, you made the decision that Jungwon would have no peace.

After many failed efforts to take a reaction out of him, you decided to take it futher, taking the water gun in your hands. It was nine o'clock at night and wonnie had already shower and was going through his precious moment of skincare in front of the mirror, that would be interrupted soon.

He opened his mouth in surprise when you approached him and saw the gun in your hand.

“No way you are doing it.” he begs.

He didn't even had time to process the information and the jet of water was on his face. Wonnie closed his eyes feeling his soul letting his body.

“Say meow now!” you spoke loudly before shooting wonnie eloquently.

Unfortunately for you, the strong cat managed to get close enough to steal the gun from your hands. He peered emotionless at you, his hair now wet and unkempt.

“What's the point of it?” he asked, surprisingly too calm to be true.

“... It is a evidence of my love for you.” you retorted.

He grinned and pointed the gun at you after becoming unsatisfied with your response.

“Oh yeah?” He threatened.

The closer Jungwon came to you, the more you moved away, trying to escape from him.

“Yes...” you replied.

He then came, ”Let me show you how to play, jagi,” with that rebellious look on his face.

And that was the end of you.

# masterlist

[★] — notes: hi guys it's been a while that i don't post a react so i came with this one, i hope u don't hate it😰 i would totally start a water gun fight with wonnie bruh, life goals😌

[risingoflights]

do you have thoughts on the ff7r devs changing it so Hojo actively taunts Aerith with Ifalna’s death in Remake as opposed to the original game where he doesn’t even know Ifalna’s dead until the party runs into him in Costa?? bc he seemed oddly pensive about in the og and it kinda stuck out to me + you seem like the person to ask for Hojo opinions

IN FACT I DO.

trust you me i have opinions on everything, especially hojo, but i tend to actively keep my mouth shut unless someone asks directly. so thank you for asking directly!

as usual, not laying down my word as law or canon or anything, but just to give folks another perspective to think on if they haven't already:

if memory serves, in og, hojo only ever refer to three people by name: sephiroth, gast, and ifalna (and jenova i suppose but does she really count as people). everyone else he has a moniker for, even people who should be important to him. lucrecia was 'the woman'. vincent was 'the turk'. cloud was 'the failure'. nanaki 'the specimen'. and dear sweet aerith, she was 'the ancient'.

they change this trait around a bit in the compilations i believe (it's been a while), but it's mostly consistent. aerith herself brings this up in costa in og, insisting that the least he can do is remember her name. the reverse of this, interestingly, is aerith referring to 'my mother' and hojo himself conjuring her name - 'you mean ifalna'. i've inferred from this (and you're all free to disagree) that the only actual people in hojo's life were sephiroth, gast, and ifalna. everyone else is either nonexistent or reduced to just their role to play.

i'd say aerith, in og, wasn't actually important to hojo even as 'the ancient' - and why i think that is a slightly different discussion. but suffice to say that if someone isn't important to you, you wouldn't spend time and energy taunting them, or deliberately and maliciously trying to make them uncomfortable, as we see hojo doing to aerith in remake.

(as for what ifalna was to hojo - what i have on that is pure headcanon, but feel free to ask if you're interested)

there's no doubt hojo's always been cruel, but in og his cruelty to aerith - and the main cast in general - was a dismissive sort. harm inflicted on them was thoughtless and not at all personal - again, none of them even counted as people. comparing that with the consistent bitterness with which he evoked gast's name, the contrast was almost charming. i'm sad we seem to have lost that in remake, along with a lot of hojo's more human characteristics. remake hojo feels to me a lot like a predictable combo of tropes - a puppet playing to audience expectations, but hey i'm still hopeful for something else interesting as the game goes on. we shall see.

[animarret]

Ranting about aroace exclusionists a bit: tl:dr my issue is not even the exclusion at this point, it's the lack of respect for ace and/or aro experiences and identity.

Saw one of those whole "should aces belong in queer spaces" debates making the rounds and it got me thinking about some exclu points like. Notably one I kept seeing was along the lines of not feeling safe in queer spaces with "straight" people and like. Okay. We have different ideas of queerness but I sympathize with the sentiment even if I disagree. But it got me thinking about how, if a space is mostly exclusionist towards aces and aros... why would we (aces and/or aros) be there anyway?

Like, I as a queer person (nonbinary and romantically ??? Something not straight) and also as an ace, I know I wouldn't be comfortable in a space like that, even if my more acceptably queer identities were fine there. Because in my experience exclus, kind or not, aren't understanding enough of ace experiences to where I could see that part of me being accepted enough to be open about it.

If any exclus read this for whatever reason: are you as normal about aces and aros as you think? Do you *actually listen* to us? Bc most I've encountered 1) don't have pretty basic definitions of identities on those spectrums correct (aromantic is never mentioned? Gray or demi labels? Hell half the time the definition of ace is wrong), and by extension downplay and dismiss ace and aro experiences. Not even just about like, people being bullied or the more oppressive experiences like that. But like, do you realize that being ace and/or aro can just affect everyday shit?? Shows and movies I like and why are affected by this. The way I practice my religion is affected by my aceness. It is, in fact, an important part of me that is reflected in everything I do. And AVEN is a website, guys. Cmon.

My point is, why would I waste time in a space where the people (no matter how many times you say "aces are valid!!! Just not lgbt") consistently show a complete lack of care or willingness to actually learn about or understand mine and other's experiences? Why would I feel comfortable or safe, even, being in a group that not only doesn't understand asexuality, but isn't willing to try (as friends, comrades, community, etc) to understand me, as an asexual person?

I'm not invading exclu lgbt spaces because I have better friends and allies than that. I have better places to be.

And if you're exclusionist and me asking/saying these things bothers you, maybe make a better effort to be allies to aces and aros. Because for all your talk about us and your valid posts I don't see you making an effort for us. Do better!! Prove me wrong!! Make me eat my angry words!! Want us out? Support ace and aro spaces then! Get our fucking words right! Listen to us!

[p3ta]

gotta send Ryoji Mochizuki

Thanks for the ask! Hope your day's going well, fellow Ryoji enjoyer.

Spoilers below for P2, P3, P4, and P5R.

Send me one of these here!

First, I want to give some thoughts on his character as a whole. For the certain type of character he is (doomed, remorseful harbinger), Ryoji Mochizuki is perfect. I don't think there's a better Persona twist than his reveal as the the Appriser/Death, the thirteenth Arcana Shadow. Just because a twist is easy to see coming doesn't make it less impactful, and I particularly enjoy the way Persona 3 distills information to the player in allotments. Even knowing that, Ryoji managed to surprise me with how much more he was. And fittingly, a lot of Ryoji's characterization bounces back to the P3 Hero, and vice versa.

On top of that, Nyx Avatar is my favorite final boss in the entire Persona series and unsettled me out the first time. I'd still say that Nyx Avatar causes me more fear than the Reaper, who I'd comparatively describe as inciting panic rather than fear.

Ryoji is frequently compared to Kaworu from Neon Genesis Evangelion (NGE), and, well. Yeah. I believe I read that in a developer interview that the P3 dev team deliberately took inspiration from NGE but I'm unable to find a source at hand, so don't quote me on that. Between the two, I prefer Ryoji. He is the strongest out of the character type for me.

favorite thing about them

His layers! Ryoji is one of those late game characters who comes in and recontextualizes all the information you've learned thus far. It's why I love watching the Dictionary update throughout a playthrough. I understand why people are put off by the way he's introduced as a serial flirt, but Reload made it much more textually clear that this isn't his true personality, nor his intentions. Ryoji is proto-Teddie (Japanese Teddie, anyway); a fully formed individual who sprang into existence seeking connection. However, where Teddie's isolation and lack of identity are his defining characteristics, Ryoji's are moored in how connected he is with P3 Hero.

Ryoji ultimately only exists because of that connection, that little bit of humanity he's been given, but that's also what prevents him from being fully human. He's had a role to play since his inception, and he can't avoid that even with his newfound connections.

Ryoji's present throughout the entire story. You've got Pharos at the very beginning with the contract running errands for the Velvet Room (I like it more and more that I think about it. Picture Elizabeth or Igor having to explain to this terrifying child what he has to say. Or maybe he knew what to say all along! He has been waiting ten years), Thanatos tearing himself out of Orpheus (by far the best Persona awakening in the series and a textual highlight for what an alien force he is), and a crucial lynchpin event for Yukari's backstory, Mitsuru's backstory, as well as the crucial event for Aigis and P3 Hero.

There is no version of Persona 3 without Ryoji and I'm all the happier for it. Genuinely, if something's confusing with P3's story, there's 90% chance the answer is Ryoji or one of his many numerous forms. The remaining 10% is the Kirijo Group. That said, we don't get a lot of time with Ryoji. Ultimately, he's a part of P3 Hero and you're left to extrapolate exactly how much of each other you believe they've influenced.

Sogabe, the P3 & P4 mangaka, chose to highlight how similar Ryoji and P3 Hero look. I consider it an essential element of their relationship together.

least favorite thing about them

It'd be cheating to say nothing, wouldn't it? I'd say that his design is easy to mock and hard to get right in fanart. Between Ryoji's forehead and very Axel Kingdom Hearts approach towards long limbs – and legs in specific – the movies did not help with this. I've read reviews saying how the higher budget allowed for the characters to be more consistently on model, and thus look better, but I fervently disagree. That boy is mostly leg. Late 00s and early 10s anime art Looked Like That, though. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a soft spot for some of it.

But I love how Ryoji looks and wouldn't change it for the world. Silly slick-backed hair boy. It is funny how whenever Persona wants a villain with sympathetic qualities, they slick back the protagonist's hair (Philemon and Maruki come to mind).

Reload fixed ("fixed") this anyway but making him much fluffier in his portraits and giving his skin some color! He's achingly soft in that game.

favorite line

There's many iconic ones I could pick but I'm going to go with a new one from Reload:

It's so small, it's so playful! I like that if you choose to start an exchange he finishes the bit. It says a lot about him in such a succinct way.

Even more so when you consider the reason he came here was for Junpei's sake. Being able to balance joking around while keeping a touch of concern endears me beyond belief. Thank you, Reload.

brOTP

Junpei & Ryoji. It's not even close. This was the one element I was hoping Reload would show more and I was not disappointed! The dynamic is good for a variety of reasons, but chief among them is that despite Junpei's Persona being Magician Arcana, he is not the P3 Hero's Magician Social Link. Junpei is not the male protagonist's best friend. He clearly wants to be, but his frustration is palpable. The P3 Hero is cool, charming, and everything that Junpei plays second fiddle to, but he won't even acknowledge him. But what if there were a more likeable version of the Hero?

Instant friendship. Those two are besties from day one, where Ryoji has all the qualities but none of the knowledge, and so their dynamic is a much more even one. To me, it indicates how well Junpei and the P3 Hero might have gotten along had he not carried Death inside him for ten years. It's a brief window into another world.

There's also the fact that Ryoji, Death, befriends Junpei so close to when Takaya shoots him and he perishes. His character arc is defined by change, this act being what radically transforms his soul, and what's one of the meanings of the Death Tarot? It's like universal foreshadowing. It's funny to me too that the Magician Arcana Shadow is the one Thanatos tore to pieces. Growth for Ryoji too.

As an aside, I miss the dynamic movements from the PS2 cutscenes. Junpei being so quick to drown Ryoji is nowhere comparable to him covering Ryoji's mouth.

OTP

Hmm. This might take a second. I wonder what pairing I might like with Ryoji. Here's an unrelated picture of Messiah:

You know, Messiah is one of those Personas that has only grown on me more as time passes. My favorite of the final protagonist ones, due in part to how you have to fuse him yourself. Orpheus, the starting Persona, combined with the power of Thanatos, the penultimate manifestation of the Death Arcana. They compliment each other beautifully, and regardless of if you the player create him, he is always the true final Persona, the final result of the Judgement Arcana.

They are inevitable.

Of course it's Ryoji and P3 Hero. How could it be anything else? These two make me sick with joy. Death has a clear favorite and in the end, gets to keep him forever.

nOTP

It's funny, because I can't think of any serious pairing with Ryoji that I wouldn't view as a crack ship? I can't see any version of Ryoji with anyone but the P3 Hero nor can I take that relationship seriously. The only other being Ryoji has an established relationship with is Aigis, and that ship comes across as black comedy. I mean, there's also Ryoji and the P3 Heroine, who he is undoubtedly head over heels for, but I see her as heavily preferring Aigis. Oops.

Wait, I did remember one! Ryoji and Junpei! I'll admit, maybe it's the sheer "dudebro" vibe of their relationship, but people pairing these two was not an outcome I expected from Reload. I've seen it enough to know those who like it aren't joking, either.

It's funny, because they're both soul-taken at the tail end of their friendship (Ryoji with P3 Hero and Junpei with Chidori) so I guess I wasn't looking for it? Then again I can't see Junpei Iori kissing a man in general. If there's a Ryoji pairing that isn't my thing, these two are the Most not my thing.

random headcanon

Ryoji memory backfill!

I've seen multiple interpretations for how Ryoji's sudden transfer, housing, and parental situations were never questioned. I like exploring this for myself, especially from Ryoji's perspective. Ryoji fully believes himself to be human until 12/2's Dark Hour. So, how does he reconcile his own situation?

This headcanon states that whenever Ryoji is prompted to answer on where he lives, what he likes, or where he went to school before, he'll often "backfill" what memories he think should be there. If it's something he should reasonably know, it'll be there.

In-game you can see a couple instances of Ryoji being stumped at simple questions, like where his class trip was going to be, but excelling at others, such as when he asks Mitsuru out to a restaurant date. According to the headcanon, he failed the class trip question because it wasn't something he anticipated, but he knew a date location because it was essential to his personality. Ryoji Mochizuki is a hearthrob, it wouldn't make sense if he didn't. So he does.

I like to think Reload Ryoji's phone is another example of this backfill, though this one spills over into material items. Ryoji thinks he should have a phone and knows he should ask for others' numbers, but when he reaches for it on his first day it isn't there.

His inconsistencies are fun.

Rapid fire small ones: his favorite color is blue, he likes sunrises but not sunsets, and he's good with children.

unpopular opinion

This may be the most unpopular opinion I have in general, but I don't believe Ryoji is bisexual. Or rather, I don't necessarily believe he must be bisexual. It's not like I'm trying to shirk representation, but I think there are so many fascinating ways that you can analyze orientation for a character. Same with gender.

Ryoji, through my interpretation, is someone who could only love the protagonist. And it doesn't have to be a sexual kind of love. There's an entire spectrum of identities in our culture that we've labeled for what Ryoji's experiences could be. It brings me joy to be able to think about how – even if Ryoji knew about these identities – he'd define himself. On top of that, would how he define himself be accurate? Would he have misunderstandings about his own identity?

There tends to be a large backlash when someone even suggests a different label for a character with one widely agreed upon, which means my gender and sexuality thoughts stay hidden away. I'm more than aware of those that insist any hint of same-sex attraction is obviously platonic and fans are reading too much into things. I'd never want to take away from an individual identifying with a character for what a fandom settles on calling them.

Though one note: it's interesting to me that from the collective opinion I've seen, people have latched onto bisexual as a label rather than pansexual despite them ostensibly meaning the same thing. Something something changing social climate. Anyway. Play around with character gender and sexuality. It's good for you.

song i associate with them

Auld Lang Syne.

For old acquaintance be forgot

And ne'er brought to mind

Should old acquaintance be forgot

In the days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

We'll drink a cup of kindness yet

For the sake of auld lang syne

-

It's a traditional New Year's celebration song. Auld Lang Syne essentially means "for old time's sake". It originates from a precursor to Scottish, and exists as a fossil word inside this otherwise Standard English prose. I find it sweet how this little, historic piece gets to survive through something that redefines it.

favorite picture of them

Well, that was a lot. If you have a keen eye, you might've already noticed I've been dropping in pictures so I'll keep this part concise.

My favorite pictures of Ryoji are his portraits:

Sweet. Fluffy. Endlessly endeared by the way his hair flairs out. A much clearer heart shape for his face. Perfection. Special mention to his startled expression. His eyes get small and I get happy, simple as that.

Although, I'll never forgive Reload for dropping his Messiah pose:

There's an element to this portrait that's a little more unearthly, but earnest. Visually, his eyes are also a clearer parallel to Aigis's in this version.

Thank you for reading all the way through! And thank you again for the ask. I'm not sure if you were expecting an essay, but I think that about sums it up.

Have a picture of Ryoji nui + charm!

[micah-write]

bro chilllll i was legit trying to help you with your overlal critique. leasebound isnt a syndicated strip or some published comic she literally isnt being paid to do it. rusty has no obligation to anyone to maintain a consistant style and seems to just fuck around and try whatever new shit she wants just like any other online artist. focusing on her artistic experiments over quality is pedantic and again weakens your overall arguement

No you're not helping because you focused solely on what I said about Jacob, her inconsistentcy rely in how she portrays her characters wich she constantly changes to fit her biased vision of the world, before complaining about only this argument I would ask you to read the rest of my critics . Plus you still don't bring me arguments about where I'm nitpicking when I gave you examples of rusty doing . Plus you hide behind anonymous so 😬😬 not a good look especially since it's so obvious you're a rusty dick rider and unlike rusty I won't block you from disagreeing with me nor will I change your comment

Unfortunately you seem to not understand that the evolution of one's artstyle isn't the same as changing a character design on purpose to fit your lies + whitewashing it . If it was just her artstyle changing I wouldn't critique it . But you haven't read my other critiques and it's painfully obvious

[my-pjo-stuff]

(ask no. 8)

What are your thoughts on Luke's fatal flaw?

How would you write Kronos's possession of Luke?

With your ideas about European demigods, what would be different in the system? For example, would they interact better with mythical being since Europe has a lot of old folklore?

Thanks a lot for the asks anon! NGL I love it when ppl share their stuff with me, y'all make my day <33. Let's get into the questions! So starting off, I think Luke's fatal flaw (wrath) is....eh. I mean I can get where it comes from. Wrath in small amounts allows someone to have a drive of justice, to feel wronged by someone and to want to make it right. But in large amounts it leads you to be violent and not be able to let go. But tbh? In my opinion there were more fitting sings, as wrath being Luke's fatal flaw sort of implies that him being angry at the gods and wanting revenge is somehow "bad". Personally, I think it should have been something like Determination. Or Willingness to Sacrifise. Luke was very determined to achieve his goal of overthrowing the gods, which lead him down a path of "the ends justify the means". It wouldn't be condemned his justified anger at the gods like "Wrath" does. With Willingness to Sacrifise, we can again go criticise his "the ends justify the means" mentality, as he is willing to sacrifise his loved ones and himself for his goals.

But to be even more honest? I think the whole concept of fatal flaws is rather stupid as it is and doesn't really add anything to the story overall. I can live with Luke's Fatal Flaw being Wrath, but I'd prefer if the concept wasn't a thing overall. I'd write the Kronos possession of Luke mostly the same tbh, but with Luke showing more signs of him "breaking through" in more major things. Especially when Kronos wants to hurt people Luke would care about. Maybe have Kronos mention that Luke disagrees with his menthods and attempts to stop him before ridiculing the effort. My main reason for that is to build Annabeth breaking through to him in TLO more so it doesn't look like Rick not knowing how to reasonably kill Kronos anymore. I'm ngl, that headcanon abt european demigods was just a lotta crack. Most just live normal lives if they ever even find out about their heritage. They generally try to avoid anything mythical tbh since they lack the training- although I could imagine Europe maybe getting a sort of "Camp Halfblood" for themselves after TLO and the gods' promise. I'd say they'd props just have one of these for the continent tho, props in greece bc, well, they are greek. In that case the Camp would probably pose as a highly respected and specialized school for kids with ADHD and dyslexia. Mostly because europe has just a LOT of diffrent systems and consists of many diffrent countries and cultures, so we'd need a bit more of a reason for parents to send their kids to another country for a considerable amount of time.

In that case would European demigods probably come in contact with lots of other cultures, and I do think there'd be a good pro-EU sentiment as the open borders and friendly relations help a LOT with getting demigods to and from the school. IDK tho, like I said I didn't think too deep into it.

[everydayyoulovemeless]

World On Fire ↠ MacCready x Reader

➼ Word Count » 0.7k ➼ Warnings » None ➼ Summary » Sole takes MacCready to the roof of a building to watch the sunrise.

“Hey uh, why’er we all the way up here again?” Mac asked as the two of you neared the top of the faded city building.

You shrugged, glancing back at the sniper, “Just wanted to see the Commonwealth from higher up, I guess.”

The dark Boston sky swallowed most things into its deep ink-colored void, although nowadays you could spot a few more stars starting to peek out from behind the dreaded curtains from the years of declining light pollution. Most of the scavers here would disagree with the idea that the Commonwealth was just as beautiful as it was before the war, but there was something so sorrowfully charming about the collapsed city that still somehow managed to stand before you.

"Are you sure it's safe being this high? I think I feel the floors swaying."

"Stop moaning, we're not even that high up yet." You retorted playfully, slowing to walk beside your companion.

"I'm just saying, maybe there's a reason we haven't found anything hostile yet." He spoke, gripping his rifle in his hands in case anything decided to jump out at the two of you as you went.

You were desperate to keep him in step behind you, however, he was right, the stairs threatened to cave inward at every step either of you took and the walls almost didn't exist. There was hardly anything holding this building up, but you didn't want that to stop you. Glancing up through the holes in the floors above you, you could spot a glimpse of the moon. Its pale features shone down through the cracks of the crumbling tower, beckoning both of you upward, and who were you to deny it?

You took in a deep breath once the two of you finally made it to the top, the harsh wind slashing at your lungs as you did so. Staring out at the murky ocean water and the heavily damaged roads made you feel reborn. You were staring out into a world you've seen so many times before and yet none of it was familiar. Sometimes you forgot that this place used to be your home. Every aspect of the city seemed to have shifted in some way after the bombs dropped.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? The Commonwealth."

MacCready moved to stand next to you, taking a moment to gaze out at the sight before replying, "Gonna be honest with you, boss, I don't see it." He pulled out a broken cigarette, lighting it before continuing, "I just see a bunch of suffering people."

"I guess so." You muttered out, crouching down to sit on the ground, dangling your feet off the edge as you looked out. "But people suffer in every timeline."

"Careful on the edge there," MacCready warned, coming up to sit cross-legged next to you. "We didn't really come all the way up here to look at this place, did we? We could've done this on the ground."

You nudged him with your shoulder when you saw the glowing orange start to drain into the black sky, "But look!"

The sun rose slowly, illuminating more and more as it moved. That was another familiarity that bleed in from the pre-war world. A thing that anyone, anywhere, at any time could recognize. It glared down at the buildings, casting their long shadows across the ruined town, positioned in such a way where it felt like everything here belonged—that it wasn't all a huge mistake from the past.

"Watching that wouldn't be the same on the ground." MacCready rolled his eyes at your statement, a faint smile making its way onto his face.

The world might’ve been on fire, but as long as Mac was a part of it, you wouldn't have had it any other way. You felt his body stiffen as you placed your head on his shoulder. Exhaling lightly, you stared out at the chaotic scenes that played out below you. The regular occurrences of the Boston Commons were frightening but familiar, and you almost found yourself appreciating the consistencies of the area every day. It was getting harder and harder to find, and this world was slowly becoming more like a home.

[theerurishipper]

Marinette a cruel person tbh. Even a psychopath or hell maybe im raising the bar a little too high but a stranger would be able comfort ChatNoir seeing his situation. The New York special and him spiraling made me despise her because someone fucking died to make this partnership work.... this isn't even inconsistent characterization from past seasons this is very consistent she's always been like this. Girl ain't willing to even see what underneath the mask eh? or believe he has other things to do besides fucking risking his life as a teenager im surprised their dynamic lasted as long as they did because she comes off very cold when it comes to her partner compared to Alya. Why she like that hell if I know had it been me i'd cuss her out or at least tell her off. How the hell you don't comfort a human being when they show their insecurities I don't know especially someone you've worked along with that saves paris numerous times.

I gotta ask if Chat Noir was more vocal and angry and actually lost it on her would it finally stick it in her damn head that he isn't someone who pops into existence defeating akumas but a very real boy underneath? You know I have know fucking clue personally what is so hard for her about that being a respectful partner and understanding that Chat is human. I remembered in origins he took more of a leading approach I think sorry my memory is dogcrap these days and yet he encouraged her and gave her confidence what so hard returning the favor back?

I mean, comparing her to Chloe? That's like choosing between a rock and a hard place. Chloe's got that villainess aura, sure, but at least she's upfront about it what expectation is there to be had for a cannon fodder villain like Chloe with a creator who hater her to the point even in-universe she still the story punching bag . Now Marinette, oh please, she's got this pristine "heroine white lotus" thing going on. It's like she can do no wrong, and the world just eats it up.

And don't get me started on Ephemeral. Talk about a masterclass in betrayal! She pulls a stunt that would make Judas proud, corrupts herself with power, and what? No consequences, no rules, just a free pass to wreak havoc. Must be nice living in Marinette's world where the rules only apply to us mere mortals.

And let's not forget her emotional boy toys, Luka and Adrien, just waiting there like loyal lapdogs, ready to clean up the mess she leaves behind. It's the Marinette show, and everyone else is just playing supporting roles in her drama.

But hey, who needs nuance when you've got that heroine Marinette halo shining so bright? It's the perfect excuse for her to mess up royally, and everyone will still be there, cheering her on with no accountability taken . The world's her playground, and we're just living in it.

I'm sorry for ranting it's just im done with her sorry if I made it negative for you.

Calling her a psychopath is too harsh ngl. I disagree with you on that. I don't think we should be throwing around words like that lightly.

But I do agree with your overall point. Very harsh, but pretty close to the mark. I also personally wouldn't compare her to Chloe, but then again, that all went out of the window after the Season 5 finale. I wouldn't call her cruel or evil, but she does benefit from the protagonist centered morality the show adopted in Season 4. Chat Noir shouldn't expect anything from her, and he should apologize for her mistakes because she can do no wrong. It sucks.

Thank you for your ask!

[iwritesickfic]

I have spent the last few days binging all your Theo and Seamus fics. I LOVE them so much. Their dynamic is amazing and your writing is so good.

I was wondering if you might be willing to write something nsfw? Maybe where Theo has been running a pretty consistent fever for a while and it's just been SO long for both of them and Theo is overly sensitive and Seamus just wants to make him feel good. I totally understand if not, I just love your work!

omg thank you so much!!!! i love that you love them!!! :D and absolutely I would LOVE to write that - so here we are! Hope you like it :)

nsfw ahead!

Seamus couldn't be more ready to finally be done with his day. He doesn't like to work when Theo’s sick, especially when he has to leave their home studio, and the artist he's been working with has been a nightmare. That said, he wouldn't have left if Theo was really, really ill, so there wasn't much reason to worry. He's been worried all day regardless.

Theo’s been sick for a week, and while it's no longer at full force, he still has a fever. There's no doubt he's getting better, but it's been slow going.

When Seamus walks through their front door he feels some of the tension finally release from his shoulders. He toes off his sneakers and hangs up his jacket, sighing as he runs his hands through his hair.

There are footsteps on the stairs behind him, and when he turns around, Theo's leaning against the banister. Seamus's first thought when he sees him is that he looks gorgeous. He's in a huge t shirt and a pair of briefs, the neck large enough that his collarbone and a little of his chest are exposed. His cheeks are flushed and pink, his mouth just barely turned up at the corners. If this were any other night they'd already be all over each other.

Then he feels guilty that his first thought was so selfish. He's standing there shivering and Seamus is thinking about getting off.

“Hey,” Theo says, and the rasp in his voice from being sick makes Seamus’s thoughts drift back to how much he wants him. That and his casual little smile.

“Hey. How was your day?” he asks, walking over to the foot of the staircase. He gives him a little peck on the cheek, then pushes some of his hair behind his ear. He's definitely still running a fever.

Theo steps closer, one hand lingering on the railing, the other coming to rest on Seamus's shoulder. The warmth bleeds through Seamus's shirt. Then before Seamus can stop him, their mouths meet. He tastes sweet, heady. Honey and cough drops. His mouth is uncannily warm, his lips dry and hot. Still, it takes a lot of self control to pull away.

“I missed you,” Theo says as soon as they're far enough apart to speak, and Seamus sighs again, forcing himself to press his lips to Theo's forehead instead. He's so feverish.

“I missed you too,” he says. Theo's mouth is tight, now. Seamus wants to kiss him again. He wants to slide his hands under that shirt. But he takes another step back instead. “Are you hungry?”

“A little bit,” He stops to rub his eyes and self consciously fusses with his stringy hair. “Sorry, I know I'm not super attractive like this,” he says, and Seamus blurts out a laugh.

“What?! What are you talking about?” His hand cards through Theo’s hair.

“Oh, I just mean…I don’t know. I feel gross.” He seems surprised that Seamus is surprised.

“No, no. That's - Why would you think that?” His hand is cupping Theo's cheek now. Theo shrugs. “That is not true.”

Maybe to someone else it'd be true - his eyes are glassy and red rimmed, he's pale, his hair is sweaty - but none of that matters to Seamus. It's never mattered.

“I mean, honestly, you barely touch me when I'm sick,” Theo says. He doesn't seem angry, more just baffled that Seamus is disagreeing. Seamus's eyebrows furrow.

“That's not-” He's at a loss for words. He keeps opening his mouth to speak but not finding the words. Theo's fingers are caught on his belt loops now. “No. That's not true.” Is it true? Most of the time Seamus doesn’t try to initiate anything when he’s sick, but they must’ve done something over 7 years, right? They're so close suddenly, and Seamus can’t resist touching him. “I never want to press you to do anything when you’re sick. But of course, I think you're gorgeous.”

“So prove it then,” Theo says, his voice low, just a hint of a smile on his lips. Seamus laughs.

“Prove it?”

“Yeah.”

That word breaks the last thread of restraint he had left, and he kisses him. Hard. Theo makes a soft sound against him, lips still fever-hot.

He tugs himself closer to Seamus, and his fingers tangle in his hair. There are gasping breaths between kisses, and when they finally come up for air Theo’s back is against the wall. He seems very out of breath, and his pink flush has darkened considerably.

“You alright?” Seamus asks, and Theo nods, even though he’s trembling. “Enough proof for you?”

“I don’t know. I’m not…” He trails off, still out of breath, and stares at Seamus’s lips. “Not fully convinced.”

One of Seamus’s hands has found its way under Theo’s shirt, resting in the hollow of his hip.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “I mean, Teddy, you know I’m obsessed with you,” he starts before Theo cuts him off.

“Do I know that?” 

Seamus has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. They stand there intertwined for a moment in silence, Seamus’s thumb running back and forth over the curve of his hip.

“I just want you to feel good,” he finally says, and Theo leans in, lips just barely brushing his.

“So make me feel good.”

–

Even the slightest touch seems to be making Theo crazy, so Seamus is taking his time undressing him, kissing every inch of skin. He can’t get used to how incredibly warm he is. He’s burning up under his lips. 

Despite how assertive he is in their day to day, Theo has always let Seamus take the lead in their sex life. That usually means Seamus teasing him. Bringing him to the edge just to hear him plead and beg to be pushed over. Sometimes, even desperate tears that Seamus kisses away when it's all said and done.

He won't be taking it that far tonight. There's always pleasure in anticipation, but Seamus can't bring himself to withhold anything from him right now. He's shaking just from a kiss on his throat, Seamus is pretty sure he'd die if he tried anything like their usual stuff.

Still, he takes his time with the lead up. When his lips meet the soft skin between his hip and his thigh, Theo threads his fingers through Seamus’s hair, gasping.

“So beautiful,” Seamus whispers against his skin, and Theo makes another choked little sound. “So fucking gorgeous for me.”

He's arching up into Seamus's touch, and he actually cries out when Seamus finally licks a stripe up his dick and takes him into his hand.

“That feels good?” he asks, leaning over so they’re nearly chest to chest, and Theo nods shakily, eyes screwed shut. “What do you want?” Seamus asks, voice low and gentle.

Normally when he asks that question it's rhetorical - almost always, Theo wants to come. He wants one more stroke, one more thrust to finish him off. Now though, Seamus really wants to know.

“I…oh fuck, I…” Theo breathes, voice catching with every movement of Seamus's hand. He can't speak, so Seamus stops, leaning back on his heels, and lays his palm over the flat plane of his stomach. He's stunning, even like this. He's shimmering with sweat, his pale skin nearly iridescent with it. Every curve and dip of him looks like it's been carved from marble, so perfect and sharp yet soft, somehow.

“Shh, it's alright,” he says. It takes a few inhales for Theo to catch his breath and speak.

“I'm… I want you,” he says, still partially breathless, and Seamus leans down and kisses him gently.

“Of course,” he whispers back.

It's not hard to work him open, but it still takes just as long. He's practically boneless from the fever but Seamus is being very careful not to do too much at once. He’s incredibly sensitive, almost like he is when Seamus has already wrung two or three orgasms from him. He looks like it too - panting and flushed and shiny with sweat. It's undeniably hot, even if Seamus knows it's probably a little fucked up to think so.

When Seamus finally sinks inside him, he does it slowly. The first thing he notices is how much warmer he is. It’s almost uncomfortable, but not quite. Even though he’s absolutely desperate at this point, he still waits for Theo to tell him to speed up before he does. When he bottoms out he’s shaking with the effort of holding back.

“Good?” he asks. His own voice is choked now.

“So good,” Theo breathes back. “I…Christ…” His fingers trail down Seamus’s chest and stomach, leaving ripples of feverish warmth.

“You ok?”

Theo nods.

“Do you…” he sighs again as Seamus starts to move his hips. “Do you want me to get on top?”

Seamus laughs softly, his hand still braced on Theo’s hip.

“Absolutely not.” 

“I'm just - fuck!” he gasps as Seamus pushes in again, “I’m not doing anything.”

“Well that's normal, isn't it?” He asks, smiling. A laugh rushes out of Theo.

“Fuck you.”

He speeds up a little, but not much. Just enough to keep himself from going crazy. He leans down again, so he's close enough to kiss. And he does kiss him. All along the column of his throat, under his jaw, along his collarbone. He’s trembling and flushed and so, so sensitive. He’s so delicate under Seamus’s lips.

“You are so fucking beautiful,” He whispers. “So pretty."

It only takes a few more thrusts before Theo’s arching up off the bed, fingernails digging into Seamus’s shoulders. It’s not long after that Seamus is finishing too, then rolling over so they’re not on top of each other. Still, Theo immediately turns into him and tucks his face against Seamus’s neck.

Seamus pulls him in and kisses the crown of his head, even though he’s sweat soaked. 

“Was that enough proof?” He whispers, and Theo sighs.

“Might need more tomorrow night.”