#i would say more about his greed form however those are spoilers

[rosasappho]

so is that guy just a gauntlet or is he like a whole guy

he has a whole body but he lost it in the war. so he possesses some guy and makes him gay

^as seen here

[s-b-party]

Lupus Aureus: Cyno and the Golden Wolf

****Possible spoilers ahead!!!

To start, Cyno is known as the General Mahamatra and his job is to go after those who would dare commit crimes in Sumeru or more particularly in the Akademiya

His constellation, Lupus Aureus or the Golden Wolf, is an unusual reference to the canine most of us know as the jackal since the golden wolf was formerly called a jackal but it actually is a wolf

****Although the name translates to “golden wolf,” there will be parts of this analysis where I alternate between jackal and golden wolf depending on the situation as we will see w/ Anubis

I think it’s funny how I coincidentally learned that golden wolves in Africa were formally referred to as jackals a week or so before Cyno was revealed to be playable 😂

With his headwear, it’s safe to say that Cyno very much resembles the Egyptian jackal-headed god of death & mummification, Anubis

****Very few ever refer to Anubis as having the head of a golden wolf, hence why I use jackal instead

Anubis himself was the jackal-headed god who would guide souls in the afterlife and he was a judge who would weigh hearts on a scale against the Feather of Truth

As for why the jackal was considered sacred in a general sense, one belief is that jackals were associated with death (they would devour corpses irl) so the intention was to have jackals protect the deceased from being devoured so that they may properly pass through the afterlife

Speaking of the concept of the afterlife reminds me of one of his fallen lines mentioning a cycle even in death since the afterlife is essentially where souls continuously come in after death to be judged, so I think that it is in itself a cycle

Going back to the Feather of Truth, if your heart was lighter than the feather, implying that you were a good person in life, then you would be granted passage to the paradise called the Field of Reeds where you essentially experienced what would be a normal life with no death involved

However if your heart was heavier than the feather, implying that you were a bad person in life, then it would be fed to Ammit, who had the head of a crocodile, the upper body of a lion, and the lower body of a hippo

What would determine whether you were good or bad in life was whether your good deeds outweighed your sins and vice versa

We can see that Cyno often makes references to good deeds and evil deeds/sins (one of his idle voicelines, one of his lines for his ultimate is “Your sins weigh upon your soul!”, etc.)

The idea was that strong desire leading to greed & other negative results was what caused your heart to become heavy & it would go against what the Feather deemed as right, which would explain “sins weighing upon one’s soul”

Keep in mind that it’s EXCESS that’s considered bad, which is referenced to in his line about “Lust for Knowledge”

The jackal/golden wolf makes various appearances in the game, mostly in the form of statues that can be found in the desert regions of Sumeru including the underground ruins

More often than not, they come in pairs or there will be an even amount on the two sides of a wall, corridor, hallway, etc.

The statues tend to look similar if not exactly the same (dark stone, same laid down position as the one in his constellation, golden jewelry/a gold necklace w/ hints of green and blue, golden diamond on forehead, blue eyes lined w/ golden makeup(?)/paint(?)/kohl(?), gold marks on ears)

The statues when placed in this manner evoke a sense of guardianship (with the statues watching over the area where they are placed). If not as guardians, then they could also been seen as guides to inside the infrastructure they are placed in front of

With all of the decorations on the jackal statues, one may get a sense of nobility from them (I mean it mostly in terms of character, i.e. a noble guard doing its duty, but you could also think that they belong to those in the upper classes of a hierarchy; both the statues & Cyno have golden adornments, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they belong to royalty/nobility, which is why I thought it might mean something else)

At least in this case, it can represent the connection between the guardian jackals and their god-king Deshret (they are watching over his monuments, temples, mausoleum, etc.)

Gold along with many types of gemstones & ores were mined in ancient Egypt. Due to their high value, gold and precious gemstones were often seen on people of the upper classes of society, proving that they could afford such luxuries; now the jewelry on the statues might not be exactly gold itself, but it goes to show that these statues were artistically valued considering they were placed in areas of historical importance

I don’t know if King Deshret’s people ever kept jackals/golden wolves as domesticated animals in their civilization but I don’t think it’s entirely impossible for an upper class member to adorn a wild animal with jewelry, especially if they were considered sacred creatures in their civilization

You can tell great care & thought went into the creation of these sculptures based on the amount of details on them & their condition (I don’t know what material the statues are made from, but apparently it’s strong enough to withstand a large passing of time); I don’t think I’ve seen a jackal statue that has corroded away badly or with noticeable chunks missing. We know that there are definitely statues/infrastructure in the game that show signs of erosion so one may find it strange that these statues that belong to a very ancient civilization still survive intact to this day

So how exactly does the golden wolf relate to Cyno’s lore aside from his constellation? With its connection to Anubis, they are like noble guardians that watch over some aspect of their civilization/society (Cyno protects the laws & knowledge in Sumeru, the statues watch over King Deshret’s infrastructures, Anubis watches over & judges the souls in the afterlife)

There’s lore regarding him having made a deal with a spirit at some point; chances are very likely that this spirit looks like a jackal bc it’s probably the one that appears during his burst & changes his appearance (I’m still sad that the lore doesn’t talk much about this spirit, pls tell me more about this spirit 😭)

A small tangent but I want to point out that, in Egyptian mythology, the eye was a frequent symbol of importance & it is no different here for Cyno (although the eye in Egyptian mythology usually refers to either Ra or Horus rather than any of the other deities), we can see multiple references to the eye

On his headwear, there is a single eye in the center decorated by gold, similar to the statues’ eyes lined with gold

When you use his burst, there are set intervals when the screen shows what looks similar to a lens (symbolizing the usage of the eye) which I interpret as a way to say that the enemies on the screen during this interval are being “judged” by Cyno

Cyno's C2 is located near the eye of the jackal constellation. To be fair, not all but A LOT of characters w/ animals for constellations do have specific cons located at the eye (usually if there is no constellation where the eye would be, then it's somewhere on the animal's head); it goes to show how much emphasis there is on the eye as an organ & as a symbol in the game. In this case, the eye is one of the important tools to determine judgement, but it can also be deceiving; you have to look at all the evidence and determine if there is more that is hidden

I think that how Cyno is typically viewed by others is a reference to how Anubis has been misunderstood in media in the past

Anubis has at times been portrayed as a villain in movies, which can be explained by how modern society views the topic of death; many see death as a terrifying & mostly negative concept, so as a god of death (I should mention there is a slight difference, he doesn’t control death itself, he is ASSOCIATED with death but mostly resides over mummification & judging/guiding souls in the afterlife), the negative connotations extended to Anubis being a villain in media at times; although in more recent times, there have been more positive/neutral portrayals of him

Cyno himself is often seen as an intimidating person bc of his position as the General Mahamatra; a lot of scholars fear and/or despise him along w/ the matra overall bc of their diligence in chasing down criminals, to the point of giving all of the matra mostly negative nicknames when the matra are just their jobs

Cyno tells jokes (he is funny, can’t change my mind 😂) & he is a big fan of TCG, two facts which would likely throw people off if they just look at him based on his serious appearance and attitude only

I realize that instead of pointing connections between Cyno & the golden wolf, I made more connections between him & Anubis 😂 but it does make sense that there's so much to say about Anubis since that's who Cyno is based off of

I really hope we get more info on that spirit in the future 👀

[blvcklizard]

Ich habe 139 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 32 more posts als 2021!

58 Einträge erstellt (42%)

81 Einträge gerebloggt (58%)

#reblog – 77 Einträge

#bungou stray dogs – 21 Einträge

#bsd – 20 Einträge

#servamp – 17 Einträge

#spoilers – 12 Einträge

#hunting dogs bsd – 11 Einträge

#bsd jouno – 11 Einträge

#literary stray dogs – 9 Einträge

#daily life of silver – 8 Einträge

#hyde servamp – 8 Einträge

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i knew they were being shipped before i met them in the manga and i think it's one of the reasons why i immidiately loved them this much

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

If Lawlicht not canon why this

Okay but jokes aside, I love this panel so much. For various reasons.

First of all obviously because of that look, come on, you don't look at everyone with so much love in your eyes.

But also the context! Because he's doubting. See how he skips straight back to the fact that they can't really do anything. (Notably he doesn't say this out loud though).

But those eyes? Those trusting, sincere eyes? He meant it when he said yes.

"But Lawless is an emotional crybaby, he'd probably want to be reassured in this situation too"

Lawless? Lawless "I'd rather watch the girl I love die than put my wishes over hers" of Greed? That Lawless? Nah, we all know what this is. Because it could still have been a form of reassurance, however directed at himself rather than Licht, but it's more likely that this isn't even necessary. Not because he doesn't care about Crantz, but because he doesn't doubt Licht.

This? That's not some half hearted lie to make either of them feel better. That's pure trust in his angel. Licht knows what he wants, and Lawless knows that he will get it.

Sounds familiar?

He has kept his Eves around for 200 years for the purpose of trying to avoid losing his mind (a little too late, Lawless, but I don't blame you). Remember the flashbacks with Iris? He didn't have faith in her or her decisions one bit. I mean, why would he?

And then Licht singlehandedly snapped him out of this state. Hmmm, I wonder why him, of all people?

Which leads us back to the topic of reassurance. Iris was entirely indifferent towards him, and we can assume that it was the same with all his previous Eves. Now Licht the Archangel cared about him (hate is a form of care too, Licht), and, most importantly, is not the kind of person to comfort him and take his hand. His reaction to Lawless's memories? He was helping him, and he was actively aware of it. And he didn't do it the nice way, but rather by telling him to get it together.

Which is exactly what Lawless needs.

(Excessive) reassurance and comfort are dangerous for people like him, even if it might feel nice. Lawless needs a strong, firm person to snap him back to reality. Someone like Licht.

Alright, that got out of hand. TLDR; Licht is the best thing that could have happened to Lawless and I have obsession issues.

73 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 2. September 2022

#4

“The last words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your skin” AU but with Suegiku

So Tecchou goes his entire life assuming that he will kill his soulmate one day. It makes sense, right? The last words they will say to him are challenging him to a fight, and he’s strong, let alone has literally a sword-related supernatural ability. It’s the logical conclusion.

And to avoid that, his younger self made a promise to himself; he won’t try to look for his soulmate, he will just pretend he doesn’t have one. He won’t fall in love. And to his surprise, it isn’t too difficult, he doesn’t seem to be interested in anyone anyway, and any possible feelings are easy to ignore until they go away on their own.

So when Jouno joins the Hunting Dogs, it’s not a big deal to brush off all the little things he’s feeling about him. He’s objectively attractive, that doesn’t mean anything. Honesty and a strong sense of justice are admirable traits regardless of the person, right? (Sure, his methods need some adjustment, but Tecchou will gladly help him with that.) It’s only natural to be curious about him, isn’t it? Teruko probably thinks about him just as often. And she’s probably just as convinced that his eyes are as beautiful as the rest of him, and would really like to see if she’s right, too. As the stronger and more experienced one, it’s normal to want to protect him, too, and spend nights at his bed or in front of doors at the hospital whenever he gets hurt. Just, you know, normal teammate stuff. His feelings more persistent than usual, but that’s normal as well, right? They’re partners after all, so it makes sense that this small crush, if he can call it that, wouldn’t wear off as quickly as his previous ones did.

So when he hears Jouno say those words to him at the airport, it catches him completely off-guard.

That’s not real, right? He probably misunderstood, or this is some sort of mistake. Jouno can’t possibly be his soulmate, he hates him, or Tecchou doesn’t love him either. He was so careful after all, right? He has never seen Jouno’s tattoo, he was equally scared it would sound like something he would say and something he would never say, and besides that, Jouno wouldn’t have shown it to him anyway. So he can just assume, but there’s no way he didn’t misunderstand, right? They didn’t even get as far as actually fighting, so...

It’s not urgently important, though, is it? If he needs to act, he will do so, anyway. If Jouno is in danger, he will protect him, and he’ll have enough time to figure things out later.

But Jouno is going to be safe. They will chase after those terrorists together, and Tecchou doesn’t need to worry until then. There will probably be some complications with the ADA, and he will protect him when he comes back, like he always does.

But for now, he doesn’t need to worry. Jouno is going to be safe. He is with their commander, after all.

85 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. Mai 2022

#3

Things I wonder about in BSD that will probably never be elaborated on:

Why did Tecchou hesitate when Jouno told him to kill Yosano

What was Gin about to say/do when she addressed Tachihara before he made her stab him in chapter 68

What is Teruko's actual age

The whole page around the "because my friends think I'm invincible" line from chapter 56. Why does he look so sad? So lonely? Does his acceptance of not being an ability user lead to feeling isolated from his friends? Has his trust in the president as well as the others been broken/bruised? Why is no one talking about this?

122 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 18. Januar 2022

#2

Chuuya fans being shocked about the new chapter

Akutagawa/Tachihara/Jouno fans:

176 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 2. Mai 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

Since with season 4 many people will meet the Hunting Dogs for the first time, I would like to tell the anime-onlys that these two are soulmates

199 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 10. Februar 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Prologue - Next - Series Masterlist - Series Playlist

Pairing: Dabi x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Tags/Warnings: fantasy au, violence, smut, angst, fluff, non-major character death, pregnancy, dub con/fuck or die but only kinda?, enemies to lovers, there's an arranged betrothal somewhere in there that eventually goes away, spoilers for dabi's identity

ao3 link here

"And it came to pass in those bleak days following the Empire's conquest that (Y/N), daughter-heir to the Hand of Cerridwen, came into her birthright. Long had she waited for the goddess's claiming, first as orphaned novice, then as soldier-healer… but after some twenty odd years of watching and waiting for the signs, it seemed only too little and too late that the goddess called and claimed her— for the war was lost, and she a young  woman engaged to be married as a peaceweaver for the Clans."

—Balthazar the Wise, On the Age of Unrest 

The courtyard was sunny and bright. Trees swayed in the breeze, the dancing of their leaves creating a quiet rustle that felt almost like the shuffle of a waltz. Though the springtime air still held a slight chill, the cold had lost all its bitterness to winter's leaving; once more, the world felt ready to shift and change in ways it had not for many months, and after a season of war and strife, peace and springtime (however hard-won) were welcome.

"Are you sure about this?" Todoroki Shoto asked, his brows drawing together to form a deep crease in the center. "It feels like we've only just gotten everything settled, and now you're leaving."

(Y/N) smiled gently, bringing a hand up to rest on his cheek. On that hand— her left one— shone a ring of precious metal, binding them together in promise. 

"The Summit will be fine without me for a few weeks," she told him quietly, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear. "Besides, I'm not sure when an opportunity like this will come around again for me. Once we're married, I—"

(Y/N) stopped herself and looked away, embarrassed by what she might have said. Shoto, too, averted his gaze, but grabbed her chilled hand in his warm one, bringing it to rest on the warmer side of his chest. 

"The last thing I want to do is take away your freedom," he told her, the sincerity in his voice almost painful. "If there were another way—"

(Y/N) stopped him with a look. If there had been another way, they would have taken it. This match was something neither of them had wanted, but what both of them must endure; the Clans had lost the war, too driven by greed and ambition to unite against the threat of the Empire, and now they were paying the price for peace until the time for war would come again. It was the way of things, and (Y/N) had accepted it. There were worse fates than being married, after all, and (Y/N) couldn't have chosen a better man herself even if there had been a choice.

Change, the trees seemed to whisper, the wind winding through the groves of aspen. Change, change, change. 

"In all things, we must endure," (Y/N) said, ruefully quoting the platitude, "And in enduring, all things are made precious."

Shoto frowned. He hated that platitude almost as much as his father loved repeating it, and (Y/N) knew it.

"Promise me that you'll be safe on the journey," he implored, bringing both her hands to his lips. "No taking back-roads or shortcuts through the forest, and no preaching at bandits. I want you to go to whatever edge of the world you please and come back again as quickly as possible."

(Y/N) laughed. "I'll walk where I please and preach at whom I please, as you say. I'm the goddess incarnate, and if Cerridwen chooses a pack of wolves to be my flock, then I will be their shepherdess."

Shoto huffed, displeased. The sun shone brightly on his two-tone eyes, irradiating silver and cerulean with the brilliant golden rays of noon-time.

"I can't protect you out there," he said, his thumb brushing the tender skin of her hand. "Soul of the goddess or not, your flesh is mortal, and I know— I know— that you can take care of yourself, but I'm worried that— well, that— the League is getting more and more violent and unpredictable, and with Black Dabi razing villages, I can't help but worry that…"

Shoto looked at her, his expression pained, and (Y/N) sighed as one of his hands moved to trace one of the scars on her shoulder. 

"Shoto," she began gently, her shoulder scar suddenly aching as though the wound had been reopened, "These are our people we're talking about. They need reassurance, guidance— they need me. Death comes for us all, and one day, whether from old age or a bandit's sword, I will die. When I do, I never want it to be said that I wasn't where I was needed when I needed to be there. I always go to bless the Beltane festivals— I did during wartime, and I will now."

Shoto smiled ruefully. 

"I need you," he retorted half-playfully. "Can't I order you to stay?"

"You can try," (Y/N) grinned, "But you would have an easier time catching the wind in a net."

Shoto chuckled then, and opened his arms; (Y/N) went into the warmth of them happily and let her betrothed embrace her. 

"I promise to come back to you," (Y/N) said into his skin. "In one form or another, I will come back. Is that good enough for you, Todoroki Shoto?"

"Of course," he replied, holding her tightly. "Of course. It's more than enough."

In that moment, (Y/N) closed her eyes, and she was profoundly grateful that she would one day have this man for a husband; more so than that, however, she was inexplicably glad that she would never love him. If she loved him, it would be too hard to leave, too hard to be both Hand of the goddess and wife to a man. To choose between love and one's own nature, one's own purpose, would rend her heart and soul. 

"If I let go, you're going to walk away, and I won't see you for at least three months," Shoto said into her hair. "If I keep you here, you'll hate me forever and find a way to leave anyway for spite. A man just can't win with you."

"It's good that you've learned that before marriage," (Y/N) laughed, pulling away so that she could see his face. "It would be dreadfully hard to train you otherwise."

Shoto shook his head with a small, sad smile.

"Go, go," he told her, releasing her entirely. "Get out of here before I change my mind."

"Goodbye, Shoto," said (Y/N), shouldering her pack with a grin. "I'll be back before you know it.”

With that, she turned her back on the Todoroki Clan home and set her feet out on the road. Where those feet would take her, the goddess only knew— but whatever the path held, (Y/N) was ready and willing to accept and endure it.

Goddess, keep my heart still singing, my feet on the path, and my mind on the journey, she prayed silently, refusing to turn back to look at what she was leaving behind. My will is thy will, and I accept all that is asked of me. 

[tobeornottotc]

Hii! I haven't read the novel, but do you think that at some point Kinn and Vegas will learn to coexist in the same world? I can't wait to see the Vegas arc, and of course Pete!!!

Hi!

The funny thing is I know most of the spoilers for Kinn and Porsche story and arc for book 1 but I’m not familiar with all of Vegas and Pete’s story. I only know a few tidbits here and there, especially how they start, and Vegas’s role in KinnPorsche’s over all romance arc (which I have stated is one of my favorite things to explore in this story). It’s difficult because without spoilers, Kinn and Vegas have a long past with each other, they were forced to become enemies by external influences, for Vegas these influences are hard to escape from, especially since they’re interconnected mentally and psychologically to his traumas and growth. It’s not easy for him to easily coexist with Kinn when Kinn’s overall presence has been a trigger for him every step of the way and although it isn’t really Kinn’s fault per say, his presence still connects to Vegas’s mind of pain and anger, and the way he copes with that is to turn to ambition and greed to distract and convince himself it’s okay. With Kinn it's the same, while Kinn’s presence have always been a trigger for Vegas since young, Vegas is more connected to Kinn’s traumas in a different form, there’s hurt there, there’s pain and cruelty there from Vegas towards Kinn, and it’s not easy to just pretend that doesn’t matter.

 Let’s review what their dynamic is, because Kinn and Vegas’s roles are mirrored after who they are supposed to replace and take after in this chess game, their fathers. Korn is the head of the family but is distrustful and has been betrayed by many families next to him, this is a massive family as shown on Kim’s board, there’s threads of different minor families, and Korn has watched them come and go and try and take his spot, not to mention his own tense relationship (alike Hades and Zeus if you know Greek Mythology) with Kan (Vegas’s father) where the other one feels unfairly beaten and unfairly treated. With the titles being Kinn comes from the Major family, suggests superiority and Vegas being seen as minor to him, is something Kan had to deal with and couldn’t stand. So their fathers started this cycle before they were born, there are instilled ideas there, especially from Kan to Vegas, they’ve been molded and sometimes even forced to compete and hurt one another to try and get the upper hand.

So, it’s not easy for coexisting, Yes Vegas is going to end up with Pete (Kinn’s bodyguard) but because I don’t know how he becomes the right person for Pete, I don’t know what the outcomes of that is for his position in the chess game as the head of the second family, and what that means for the competition between the two of them. I hope there’s some sort of healing but with the amount of things they have gone through, they have thought and done to each other (mostly Vegas to Kinn) I don’t see an easy path to forgiveness, I don’t see how Kan will let go of his greed and hunger for the throne either, so I don’t know how Vegas can escape those shackles that bound him, yes Pete will be very powerful for that but how powerful? That’s why I’m excited to explore the dynamic between these two because I know the pain and hurt that binds them in this inescapable fate from the sins of their fathers. This cycle of betrayal and greed. A war Korn calls it in episode 5, because it is, and it’s up to them and their lovers to stop the cycle but when I don’t know. However, could there be someone else that causes them to work together later to defeat a common obstacle to both their roles? Maybe, I would think narratively that makes sense, but I don’t know if that happens since I have no clue about the outcome of VegasPete’s arc.

 Everything to do with Vegas in this show is complicated and painful, it’s conflicting and disturbing, it’s hard to love him but it's hard to leave him and not understand him, there’s a reason for his madness, his monstrosity, his chaos. And I want to see how this team and Bible transform his story for us to see that. I actually love Vegas a lot during his role in KInnPorsche arc, but his role in his own love story is too much to bear from where I’m at with spoilers, I honestly want to see how the show shows me how he becomes who he needs to be for Pete. Because we’ve not seen the real Vegas yet, there’s glimpses of him in episode 5 of the humanity stolen from him, the innocence but there’s also glimpses of him in episode 4 in his dungeon where he’s cultivating the monster inside him. Pete unfortunately shows up at the time the monster is no longer hidden and caged, and that’s the most stressful part of their journey. But monsters can love, monsters can be tamed, monsters can learn, and I can’t wait to see Vegas find the strength and catalyst to take back what was cruelly ruined and tainted for him.

Thanks anon. Hope that answers your question mostly focused on speculation to be honest since like I said it’s a blurry line for me when we get towards the next arc for him and Pete. But it’s one I think if taken time and effort to fully explain will be one of the best narratives in this genre for a long time. Vegas potentially could be the best character ever written!

[kcatta-wodahs]

Making Lore Out of the Angel Event

Im the definition of 'its not that deep but I'm going to dig a hole to make it that deep'

In this case its me making it that deep because otherwise this event is upsetting so I'm making some dark lore theories to make it make sense to me.

I'll have a lot of spoilers below. For the event and everything I know, which is up to like lesson 32 I think.

Basically, TLDR; this was an attack by Michael/their Father on Devildom. Simeon and Diavolo have successfully negated the threat by turning it into a game.

TLDR Thesis; The Celestial Realm is governed through careful mind control. The Demon Bros are not "avatars" because of being demons- they have been cursed by their Father to suffer as no other demon nor angel has to.

First we hear direct from Michael, and he's giving these bangles that appear to brainwash the main cast.

This was an attempt by their Father to bring them back under his control. By control, I mean this literally.

I've felt for a long time that the way the Celestial Realm seems to be run is... shady. It's a utopia to outside appearances only, and those who have been most deeply embroiled in the Great Celestial War know this.

The Great Celestial War was over free will, rather than the specifics of Lilith's situation. She was the catalyst for a long-time-coming revolt against the rulers of the Celestial Realm.

My logic for this:

The reason for Lilith's expulsion goes against the current action plan of the Celestial Realm. Peace between the realms? Sure, but their Father is bound to realize that you put angels, humans, and demons together you're going to end up with more angels like Lilith, who fall for other races. Why would he accept this truce if he lost his favored children over an issue that is very similar? Did he have a change of heart? Heavens no.

Luke's behaviour towards the demon's seems case-and-point. Luke is not the strange one out of the angelic transfer students- Simeon is. Not only that, Simeon is chosen not in an attempt to promote peace, but to protect Luke from being influenced. (Which is, again, the whole point\of the exchange program.)

That time we went to the Celestial Realm for real - Lucifer was worried. Scared, even. This can be explained by, you know, the War and Lilith.. but I wonder if it may be more sinister. Like perhaps being brainwashed.

Diavolo and Barbatos weren’t required to wear bangles to become less “demon-like” for the “party”. This is because the bangles were a ploy to get the brothers back.

My theory is that when an angel begins to show signs of rebellion or questioning the divine order, they are forcibly stopped. Michael is that enforcer, and these 'gifts' are a method of stopping them.

The bangles cause a person to act *perfectly angelic* against their free will. The people affected become all smiles and sunshine, so clearly nothing could be wrong with it, right? They’re happy, right?

No. Very not right, and we can see that through Satan.

Poor Satan is always the exception to the rule of the Brothers, as his circumstances are different from everyone else's.

In this case though, he's the one who provides insight on this mind control. 

Let me remind you of the quotes Satan gives us during this time:

“I feel worked up.” “I don’t feel like myself at all.”

“It feels like something foreign is forcing my heart to be calm.” “Like my heart... becoming tranquil.”

Satan has never been an angel. He has never experienced this before. He has something the other brothers don’t: self-reflection. Satan can tell the difference between his feelings and feelings that are being imposed upon him. He tells you what he feels - “worked up” and “not like himself” and he is not smiling during this. He’s clearly unhappy, even though an angel might say he should feel unburdened by losing his anger.

He even mentions this.

“Normally, that wouldn’t seem like something bad, right?” “Something isn’t right.” “Maybe you shouldn’t come near me when I’m in this state.”

Satan is under the effects of the bangle, being forced to act angelic, but he can tell something “isn’t right.” He clearly shows that he thinks this is a “bad” thing, not because being calm is bad, but because it’s not “normal”. And can I remind you that he’s the Avatar of Wrath? The Sin that is most likely to be dangerous to be around - and yet it’s only when his anger is forcibly quelled that he thinks you should stay away from him. He knows that this is not something to desire. He knows that it is not happiness.

“I can’t concentrate on reading today.”

I mean, he’s obviously going through a lot, so that’s fair. But I have the theory that if he were to try and research this condition he wouldn’t be able to either. I have a theory about the Garden of Eden. My theory is about Paradise.

Remember when Eve ate the fruit? Do you know what that fruit was? Sin?

No. That fruit was knowledge.

Specifically, knowledge of good and evil. Now, why would this knowledge be something to keep from those under the control of the Celestial Realm? It sounds rather like they might be able to then make their own decisions of what is right and wrong.

Satan has known this from the beginning. Knowledge is power. The Ruler of the Celestial Realm, the other demons’ Father, knows this, too.

Why are there no other Avatars?

Sin was not something inherent to Devildom. Sin is a judgement sent from the Celestial Realm. There are no other Avatars because they are a wholly angelic creation. There are other posts that have examined the Sins as outlets, and how each of the brothers are attempting to find ways to allow themselves to express their sin so it does not overtake them.

From the get-go, we are shown that these Sins are a defining point for the brothers, but we’re also shown that they cause more trouble than anything else. Again, part-and-parcel of being a demon, right?

So why aren’t other demons like this?

Look at Diavolo and Barbatos, or even just the background demons who work across Devildom. Look at No. 2. They are all far more complex, and could even be considered normal. No. 2 is specifically meant to be based off of Mammon and his greed, but is much more rounded when we interact with it.

If Diavolo is meant to be the ruler of demonkind -- the paragon of what a demon should be -- then why would he not be the epitome of all of these Sins in one? What is Diavolo, instead?

Diavolo is accepting.

Hold up a moment here. What? Sorry y’all but it sounds to me like Mr. Demon Daddy King trusts his son enough to pass the kingdom on to him... so that must mean that Diavolo is behaving as a demon should.

Barbatos doesn’t question Diavolo’s choices. Nobody does. He’s an all around popular ruler. Devildom seems to be quite.. the opposite of what we’ve been trained to expect, huh? Trained by who exactly?

What are the Demon Brothers?

Cursed. They don’t act like other demons because they’re not like other demons. When they rebelled against their Father, they were punished for this act, but I posit that the punishment and the exile were two different acts. Their Father knew that leaving the Celestial Realm was not punishment to those who desired free will. So instead, he gave them Sin. Something that Demons are not normally bound to.

But how would the brothers know this? They only know what they’ve been taught by angels about demons. Surely these new, pressing desires come from turning into demons..? 

So, why was this not taken seriously?

Short answer: it was. But in the way that aligns with Diavolo’s ultimate goals.

Diavolo wants peace. 

Let’s Talk About Simeon

Simeon is an enigma and a half isn’t he?

Simeon is close with Michael, closer than Luke in any case. Now, I’ll be honest, I can’t remember if it was a fanfiction I read that said this or if it was canon so uh - forgive me. But Simeon was chosen to accompany Luke as an exchange student so that Luke would get some education. Simeon says this is to help relations, as Diavolo wants, but of course that’s what you would say as a sleeper agent?

Now, don’t get sad. Because we love Simeon here and we support him.

Simeon is wise and neutral. He seems to support the brothers, and even still wishes to foster a relationship with them. This could be seen as an attempt to bring them back, or some such, but I like to think that Simeon knows what’s wrong with the Celestial Realm.

Simeon, however, doesn’t think that a revolt can solve it. Simeon is working with Diavolo to create a form of peace - and has been transparent about the fact that Michael chose him to prevent Luke from being corrupted. I like to think he’s also been transparent with Diavolo about Michael’s actual goal. 

Simeon believes that the races should co-exist and love freely. How could love be evil, after all? Whether or not this is a new concept to him (because of his falling for you) or if this is just who he is, I’ll leave up to you and your preferences, but since he is now no longer undateable, it is established that he does not believe love between angels and humans to be bad - as his Father did with Lilith.

What happened, then?

My theory is that Simeon told Diavolo that Michael had given him a task - to give these bangles to the brothers to remind them of the joy they were missing by disobeying the Divine Order. Either that, or to brainwash them into coming back home. 

Simeon’s position would be revealed to Michael if he didn’t give the brothers the bangles, but he does not want to instigate another war either. So he told Diavolo Michael’s plan. 

Diavolo wants peace, and he knows that with time, the brothers can overcome this mind control as they had in the past - especially with his help. 

So thus comes the “party”. 

An excuse to make the bangles seem like a “harmless” gift, that had only gone wrong because of strange magical interference, when really they had done exactly what they were supposed to.

And a wonderful way to maintain peace while leaving the Celestial Realm to stew in their own pots. 

Simeon gets to maintain his facade for everyone - and put on a show for Michael as being loyal. He also gets to show Luke that perhaps being wholly angelic isn’t the way for some people, letting him learn a little more about peaceful coexistence. Nothing happens to ruin Diavolo’s grand plan for peace, and he gets to learn more about the curse that is set upon his friends - One that he hopes to be able to break someday, so they can live their lives unfettered by their Father.

[critical-goat]

Headcanons on where the Obey Me! pact marks would be located if the locations were based on chakras. I spent way too many hours looking into this, as I never imagined just how.... expansive chakras are. (take a shot for every time I say chakra(s), pact, or mark. Please do not actually ok, even individually all are said so many times)

no spoilers or other warnings

what are chakras, though?

The practice of Chakras started in Hindu religion and is a Sanskrit term meaning wheel or mystical circle.

Chakras are bundles of energy that run throughout the body. Traditionally, there are 7 layers of chakras: physical, two emotional, two mental, and two spiritual layers.

I’m focusing on the physical layer (though I don’t doubt that they could possibly imprint their pact on less tangible parts of you if they wanted) for simplicity sake and to avoid making this more religious than it needs to be. Admittedly, I already feel like I’m overstepping boundaries.

.

.

ROOT CHAKRA (Belphegor + Beelzebub)

The chakra itself is located at the base of the spine between the anus and genitals (don’t worry, we’re not placing the pact here) and represented by the color red.

If this is your most prominent chakra, food and sleep are probably important factors of your life, as the Root is connected with survival as well as feelings of security and emotional satisfaction.

A healthy Root Chakra provides a grounding feeling and feelings of safety while an imbalanced Root leaves feelings of insecurity and restlessness.

Despite often being described as the First Chakra (Mammon is jealous), the Root is considered to have the lowest frequency and slowest spinning wheel, as it more than the others is attributed to physical and vital needs and fulfillment

The pact marks show up on MCs pelvis, just below their waistline and are side by side

When Beel’s was the only pact of the two, rather than lining up in the same invisible line that the others seemed to follow, it leaned to the side, looking unbalanced and incomplete. The piece becomes whole once Belphie’s mark forms next to his twins.

.

SECOND CHAKRA (Asmodeus)

This chakra is located in the kidneys, bladder, and internal reproductive workings and is represented by the color orange.

The source of creative impulse; those with the second chakra as their dominant are often seekers of pleasure and satisfaction in their day to day life.

Balanced, this chakra channels commitment and creativity, while an unbalanced Second chakra causes a lack of boundaries and empathetic emotions.

Asmo’s pact mark shows up on MC’s lower back, just above their butt (YES, this man tramp stamped you, would you expect any less from him) and is the only of the Brother’s marks that doesn’t appear on MC’s front.

.

NAVEL CHAKRA (Mammon)

Located at the navel and represented by the color yellow.

The center of personal power and commitment; those with a dominant Navel chakra are people of action, with a great desire to achieve.

Balanced, this chakra channels inner balance and inspiration. When imbalanced, it will manifest feelings of anger, greed, shame, and/or despair.

Mammon’s own Navel may well be imbalanced as he seems to better fit the imbalanced traits than the balanced, but his control over his powers, general personality, and his devotion to MC make him more than worthy to be associated with this chakra.

Mammon placed his pact smack dab in the middle of MC’s stomach to keep a certain brothers (coughAsmocough) pact mark from having a place to distract from his own claim (jokes on him, Asmo loves butts so its a win-win, really). While his pact doesn’t stray from the line the pacts align themselves to, it does lean slightly towards the side MC’s heart is on.

.

HEART CHAKRA (Leviathan)

Located in the middle of the chest and represented by the color green (green with envy HAH).

Those with dominant energy in the Heart desire to create.

Balanced, it manifests compassion and love; signs the Heart chakra is unbalanced includes grief, attachment, fear of rejection, and/or heartlessness.

I did not run out of chakra placements. Levi’s placement here is very deliberate. However, he is yet another who’s own chakra seems to be imbalanced. His compassion is very prominent is Season 2 and even when he is more withdrawn, you can still tell just how much he cares about the others. (I also note that the Heavenly Virtue directly correlated to envy is kindness).

Levi’s mark appears on MC’s sternum right in the valley of their chest (much to his embarrassment) and leans to the side opposite of their heart (not because he likes them than the others, but more because he already feels embarrassingly close to the most important part of them).

.

THROAT CHAKRA (Satan, Diavolo)

Located on the throat and represented by a light blue color.

The center for speaking and hearing truth.

A balanced Throat manifests inspiration through self expression and learning and teaching (teaching being apart from the others); unbalanced causes weakness in expression, vocalization issues, insecurity, and fear of others opinions and judgements.

While Satan’s pact appears directly upon the throat as a bold declaration of his connection to MC, Diavolo’s would show up on the back of the neck further down towards the shoulders.

Diavolo might not show it, but he does respect people’s privacy and would prefer to allow MC to choose whether or not they publicly bear the seal of their pact. Satan’s mark slopes towards the side of MC’s dominant hand.

.

THIRD EYE CHAKRA (Lucifer)

Located between the eyebrows and represented by indigo.

Center of the brain as well as cognitive and high functions; those with dominant energy in their Third Eye easily concentrate on their tasks and are a determined lot.

A balanced chakra gives way to a clearer intuition and clairyvoyance while an unbalanced Third Eye can cause confusion, depression, and over intellecualization.

I set this as Lucifer’s rather than Satan’s both because he already has the physical representation in his own demon form, but also because he more than the 4th born tend to forget that others have limits and that every infraction is not a ploy against him or an attempt to piss him off, correlating to the over intellecualization of an imbalanced Third Eye. He makes up the last of the unbalanced chakra squad, but also seems to have a good mix of the balanced traits as well.

His mark, rather than appearing between MC’s eyebrows, the top of his pact begins at their hairline and ends just before it reaches their eyebrows.

[itsjustthechems]

Musings on Danse's political/moral alignments

I saw a post mentioning how a lot of the Fo4 fandom associates Danse with current American conservatives. I disagree, and just want to ramble about my feelings on the subject.

Yes, he is a meathead asshole.

I totally understand taking Danse at face value and assigning him mentally to the "bigoted bootlicker" category. That's totally valid. Unless you travel with him extensively and pay close attention to his ambient dialogue, it's understandable to figure that's just how Bethesda wrote him.

Danse's backstory

To understand Danse's moral and political standings, we have to take a look at his origin story. As far as Danse is aware, he grew up alone in the Capital Wasteland. He was an orphan that scrounged for scrap metal and other junk, which he sold to get by. He had no known family, parental figures, or mentors of any sort. He had one friend, Cutler, who was around his age. The Brotherhood of Steel, much like the real U.S. military, preyed on people like this for recruitment missions. Teenagers of low socioeconomic status - hungry, lonely, desperate, unsure of their purpose. Of course Danse and Cutler would elect to join the Brotherhood, which promised them food, protection, somewhere to sleep at night, and above all else - camaraderie. During one of his affinity dialogues, Danse admits that joining the Brotherhood seemed like the only way to escape his situation.

The Brotherhood took advantage of Danse and other soldiers' naivety and lack of experience by instilling fear and hatred of the misunderstood (synths, ghouls, mutants) and using those negative feelings to shape their training. Dare to disagree with their belief system? At best, you would be disciplined. Verbally abused by the Elder and shunned by your friends and mentors. At worst, you'd be booted out - back to the Wasteland you had been taught to fear unconditionally. Back to starvation, radiation, poverty, and isolation.

After a year of service, Cutler disappeared on a mission. Danse searched for him for three weeks, finally tracing him to a super mutant hive. Cutler had been exposed to FEV and had become a super mutant. Danse killed him. He admits that he doesn't know if it was the right thing to do, but it was what he had been trained to do.

That was the first circumstance that really gave me a glimpse into the nuance of Danse's beliefs. Like...wait, he questions his oh-so-precious-and-infallible training?

Is he still a douche to almost all non-human NPCs? Yes. However, I don't think he knows how to be anything other than a condescending, militant, Brotherhood heavy. That kind of attitude is what got him promoted so quickly. It's what got him out of his bottom-of-the-pecking-order trainee position, where he had felt singled out by his superiors. He learned that bigotry and cold-heartedness were the only methods of survival and success in the Brotherhood.

His character arc

Danse is not meant to be a one-dimensional, blatantly bigoted character. If he was, I don't think Bethesda would have made him romance-able. In fact, that's why you can't romance him until after his character arc quest: Blind Betrayal.

Spoiler alert! On this quest, you find out that Danse is a synth. He had no idea, and has a subsequent identity crisis that leaves him suicidal. This is the breaking point in the struggle between his own innate morality and his Brotherhood training. His default stance is that he should be killed to uphold the Brotherhood's code — he even offers to do the deed himself to protect the Sole Survivor from disciplinary action (a true testament to the brutality of the Brotherhood — Danse would rather die than allow Sole, his best friend, to face Maxson's wrath). However, through charisma checks, you can remind him of his own humanity and convince him not to harm himself. This breakthrough leads him to recognize that synths are truly nothing to be afraid of.

After Blind Betrayal, he will agree with most dialogue options supporting synths. According to the wiki, any leftover dislikes regarding synth-related dialogue are glitches.

There are other moments in separate quests that reference his moral confusion — for example, he likes when you help Kent, who is a ghoul, but doesn't like if you flirt with Holly, also a ghoul (maybe that's just some jealousy, lmao).

He also dislikes when you give Virgil, a mutant scientist, the serum that will help him return to his human form. My personal headcanon is that seeing Virgil cure himself forces Danse to address the fact that he might have been able to save Cutler, but killed him instead, due to his Brotherhood brainwashing.

Evidence of Danse's fiscal/economic beliefs

Danse is a COMRADE. You heard me. This man's pussy pops for socialized medicine. When you walk through Milton General Hospital, he says: "Facilities like this were funded by privately owned corporations more interested in making a profit than helping mankind."

You heard me, this man hates capitalism. Behold:

"Vault-Tec built places like this to conduct unethical experiments on human beings. Just thinking about it makes me sick."

"It was corporations like this that put the last nail in the coffin for mankind. They exploited technology for their own gains, pocketing the cash and ignoring the damage they'd done."

"Private corporations like Vault-Tec ruined mankind. All that brainpower put to waste..."

"This is disgusting. I can't believe Mass Fusion dumped these barrels here. This is the perfect example of how environmentally irresponsible the ancient corporations behaved."

"This is exactly the reason that science never belonged in the private sector."

Ugh. Really gets me goin'.

Conclusion

He has several other comments that suggest he is generally anti-war, is very pro-education, shows appreciation for the arts, loves children and animals...several things that conservatives couldn't care less about. He reacts angrily to greed, assaulting or harassing any non-hostiles (including synths, ghouls, and mutants), turning your back on beggars, harming non-hostile animals, etc. In my opinion, he's a pretty stand-up guy once he completes his character arc.

Does he still love the taste of boots? Yeah, and he probably always will. :/

Bethesda did him so dirty by not finishing his character arc. The fact that he still gushes about the Brotherhood and acts as if he's still in their ranks after Blind Betrayal is pretty clear evidence that he's a generally unfinished character. I think he had the potential to become a more accepting, radicalized, philanthropic individual after recognizing the shortcomings of the Brotherhood's ideals.

But yeah. I love this handsome dumbass, and I personally consider him a comrade, not a conservative. Kudos if you read this far into my crazed ramblings!

[mageofseven]

The Demon Brothers when Discovering they’re in Love

Spoilers: Mentions the end of the first season of the game in Belphie’s. If you haven’t read that far yet, you’ve been warned.

Lucifer:

Feels rather torn when he comes to this realization.

On one hand, he feels that the object of his affection has become too much of a distraction.

The amount of times he finds himself spacing out while doing paperwork because thoughts of you plague his mind is truly appalling to him

But still, he gets lost in the care that you give him and finds your reliability refreshing.

All the nights he stayed up to get his work done and you came in with some coffee to help him along, sometimes unprompted; it’s like you just know when he needs a little boost. 

You even remember that he likes his coffee with a shot of poison. It’s truly the little things like that where he gets lost in your consideration.

Then there are the nights where even some small part of him realizes that pushed himself too far.

It would have been his fourth consecutive night without sleep if it weren’t for you.

“Luce?”

The man didn’t look up from his paperwork. Instead, he finished signing the document before switching papers and starting to skim through it.

“Thank you, MC. Just set it on the desk.” He said, assuming you had just brought him coffee as usual.

“I’m sorry.” You say as you step in. “That’s not it.”

The Avatar of Pride finally looked up and sighed as he saw your empty hands.

“Then what is it? I’m afraid I have neither the time nor energy to chat right now.”

“That’s the point, Lucifer.” You say, approaching his desk. “You need sleep.”

He scoffed at your words. “I can assure you that I am more than capable of doing my work without a few nights of rest.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you shouldn’t, Lucifer.” You lay your hand on his forearm. “I know you are capable, but still. Please, just sleep.”

He looked up into your eyes and sighed. They held no hint of deceit or trickery. He had grown so used to looking for such signs in people, most commonly in his brothers, but in this moment, he only saw genuine worry in those beautiful orbs.

When was the last time he had seen such? When was the last time someone had shown real concern for him?

The man couldn’t recall.

“Alright.” He relented. “I’ll put the papers away for now, but I expect you to head to bed as well. It’s nearing 3am.”

It was that night, as he laid in bed, that he tried to decipher the feelings within him, floating around in his chest.

When he realized it was love, the man could only shake his head at the thought. After all, he had no time for such feelings, he told himself.

But the more he dismissed them, the stronger they seemed to be within him.

The man even spaced out during a conversation with Diavolo one morning and was mortified with himself.

Obviously, Diavolo was more curious than upset though.

After some pressing from the prince, Lucifer sighed and explained the issue that plagued him.

I don’t think it would be possible for Lord Diavolo to have a bigger grin on his face than he did in that moment.

The prince congratulates his friend on finding someone that inspires such feelings within him and asks about when he’s gonna ask you out.

Lucifer waves away his friend’s words, but the thought stays with him throughout the day.

It would be a lie to say that he doesn’t want to date you, but the man’s pride has always told him that he doesn’t need such a relationship with others, most especially a human.

However, you were no ordinary human. To him, you were special; he could admit that much to himself.

When he finally does ask you out, he’s as calm and collected as he is with anything else

…except for the hint of a blush on his cheeks, seen by only the most observant of people.

This boy is not as in denial about his feelings as you might think.

Mammon:

Mammon recognizes his feelings for you fairly quickly and is pretty honest about it.

At least, he’s pretty honest with himself with the subject, just not with other people.

He knew he had feelings for you since day one. What he should do about them, however, was the questions.

Yeah, he spent a lot of time denying it to his brothers, but that was mostly because he didn’t want you to know until he got himself sorted out. 

That and he didn’t wanna risk his brothers ruining things for him. I mean yeah, he’s had some small crushes, but they never lasted long and none involved feelings this strong.

He just really, really didn’t want to fuck this up.

So he spent a long time keeping his feelings to himself; months easily passing.

Every time he saw you smile or when he heard you speak in defense of him with his brothers, he could feel his face go hot and chest tighten.

You really felt like his human when you did stuff like that. Still, no matter how many times he said it or felt it, it didn’t make it true; not officially at least.

One day, you both were hanging out in his room, studying together.

Well, you were studying. Mammon was just kinda half-assing it. He only agreed to this so he could spend more time with you after all.

Boy was getting all fidgety as he thought…maybe now was a good time to tell you?

You both were alone together, which made things easier. He definitely didn’t want to actually sit here and study either.

Not to mention, if he had to hide his feelings any longer, the poor boy felt as if he’d just burst.

“Oi, MC! I got something to say so you better listen up!”

Your eyes flickered up at him and then back down to your notes, searching for a specific section.

“I’m listening.” You say as you go back to skimming through the page.

Nervous boy looks away from you.

“So…the Great Mammon likes you, alright!” He told you, booming with fake confidence.

“I know.” You tell him, not even looking up from your notebook.

That’s…that’s it? You must not get it. His tone starts to falter.

“I…no! I don’t mean just like!” He leaned in closer to you. “I… I meant I love you!”

You lift your head and smile at him.

“I know.” You tell him before leaning in and kissing his cheek.

The Avatar of Greed’s brain starts to short circuit. Was it really that easy all along?

You laugh at how red his face gets and find it cute. You always had feelings for Mammon and honestly, as much as he tries to be otherwise, he is an open book. Not just you, but everyone knew he had feelings for you. It was just a question of when he would admit it and you had waited patiently for him.

Leviathan:

This boy struggles to even identify the feelings within him for the longest time.

When the feelings do form inside him, he starts becoming a lot more red in the face over the simplest things.

Blushy boy is overwhelmed by basically any compliment you give him.

“Holy–Levi, I was stuck on that level for past month!” You tell him, practically buzzing from excitement. “You’re amazing!”

Levi.exe has stopped working.

It’s not just what you say that makes his brain freeze up. It’s your sweet, excited tone, your smile. The fuzzy feeling in him that tells him he did good. All of it is too much for his brain.

Honestly thinks something is wrong with him when you fixed his tie for him one morning because it was messy and all he could think about for the next ten minutes was the fact that you touched him.

Wait, why did you fix his tie? He always wears it loose like that and you never commented on it before...

Otaku boy is very upset with himself right now.

Tries to avoid you for a while, but after a couple days of this, he heard you asking his brothers if you did something wrong and what you could do to apologize to him.

Poor boy felt bad that he was making you feel guilty when you didn’t even do anything wrong.

Invites you to watch anime with him so you can stop worrying.

He tries his best to act like his usual self with you and honestly, it was pretty easy with him getting so absorbed with the show.

At one point, he had to pause it to rant about something the protagonist just said. 

“I can’t believe it! They completely contradicted part of her character progression from season two! And have the gall to completely ignore that they did it!”

Boy was so annoyed until you stopped him. You pointed out a couple moments from mid-season three and one from season 4 that actually make the protagonist’s words very in character for them.

In the back of his mind, he’s really beating himself up for forgetting that one scene between Tsusaki and Momo

If it had been anyone else or if it was you, but at a different point in your friendship, he honestly would be livid to hear you make such a contradiction.

Levi has bonded with you for so long at this point though that he’s just impressed with your memory and character analysis ability.

I mean, he shouldn’t expect anything less from his Henry, but still, the boy is still loving this.

He’s found someone that not only enjoys the same nerdy stuff that he likes, but can actually have discussions about at the same level. You understand him just like you understand the anime on the screen and it’s characters.

At some point, he kinda got lost in his thoughts about you, checking out in favor of such thoughts instead of your words.

A smile slowly formed on his face as he thought about just how great it was that he found you. Or like, that you came to him, I guess.

He got so lost in all the good things about your friendship that he didn’t even realize at first when his thoughts were becoming words off his lips and had no time to censor himself.

“Man, this is great. This is why I love you.”

Silence.

Levi started panicking, realizing what he just said.

You sat in your seat, confused and a bit flustered.

After all, he interrupted you mid-sentence to blurt that out.

“Gaaah, I didn’t mean that!” He shouted. “Okay, maybe I did; I don’t really know, I just–aaaah I’m such a stupid, no-good–”

His words are stopped by your kiss. It only lasted for a second though because the boy quickly bounced back and covered his mouth with his hand.

You give a small chuckle at his reaction.

“Don’t worry so much.” You tell him. “I’m glad you told me.”

“H…Huh??”

“I…” You blush. “I actually have feelings for you too. I’m glad you said something first or I would have never been able to do… that.”

Levi is stuck wondering what the heck just happened, but as he starts to settle down, he decides he doesn’t really care; he likes how things have ended up.

Satan:

Is another brother that is not really good with his emotions.

Instead of panicking or getting overwhelmed with this new feeling inside of him though, he faces it with calm curiosity instead.

It’s hard for him to fully understand any emotion that is not anger, but he’s always trying to expand his knowledge on such things.

So when he starts noticing how small things you do cause his heart to race or a blush creep onto his cheeks, he’s not shying away; on the contrary, he seeks you out even more, wanting to spend time with you so he can analyze these feelings as they come.

He starts asking if you need some help studying more often since the answer is almost always yes. Study sessions with Satan are always very productive.

He starts lending books out to you even when you don’t ask. He brings you books that made him think of you as he read them, but doesn’t tell you that and presents them as a simple recommendation.

Always feels a sense of satisfaction when you accept them and come to his room later on to discuss them.

Starts reading more books on interactions between people to understand his seemingly strong awareness of you.

Like, why your finger tips brushing his when he hands you something or your shoulder touching his when you both read next to each other just sends an an almost electrifying feeling within him or when even the softest expressions on your face can make him smile.

Starts with mainly nonfiction books and slowly finds himself searching within the realm of fiction as well.

Despite what some people might think, he doesn’t really read fiction books much. When he does, it’s usually horror stories or the occasional sci-fi story (he finds how human picture the future to be fascinating, but also a bit silly).

He has very little experience with romance novels; he finds them to be pretty repetitive and predictable.

Still decides to read some since they do in fact focus on interactions between two people.

Finds that a lot of his experiences are mentioned in these books.

….he also finds his mind imagining similar situations with you.

This is…not the answer he thought he would get. ‘Love’.

So it was love that he felt for you? He honestly never gave any thought to loving someone in this way before. It simply was never a priority of his

But if that is truly what he is feeling…he wants to feel it to its full extent like the characters in his books.

Isn’t actually all that nervous when he decides to tell you. Like always, curiosity leads him through.

Not to say that he wouldn’t be hurt if you rejected him; merely that he wastes no energy worrying about such an outcome.

The day he decided tell you about this conclusion, you were sitting with him on his bed, backs against the wall, reading books.

He heard a little gasp to his right and glanced over to see you staring at your book, eyes wide, and whispering things to the page.

‘Oh my god’, ‘Why would you do that?’, and ‘Nonononononono’ were just some of the words you spoke into your book.

Satan chuckled, finding he scene to be cute.

You let out a groan, mildly annoyed with him.

“It’s not funny.” You whined. “He just walked away from her. Walked away! Right when she tried to kiss him! I can’t believe this!”

“Oh really?”

“Yes really! He–”

The blonde cut you off with a kiss, brief, but a bit fervent.

As soon he pulled away, you dropped your book and covered your red face. He quietly picked up your book and read the page that originally upset you.

“This is the same story I read yesterday.” He told you, hiding his own red cheeks within the pages. “The one that made me realize I wanted to kiss you.”

You lowered your hands and stared at the blonde, eyes wide.

“R-Really?”

“Yes.” He lowered the book to look you in your eyes. “Our protagonist may have failed you, but I’d like think that I just came through for you where he did not. Am I wrong?”

“N..No.” You mumbled, eyes darting away from him and to a stack of books. After a moment, you added. “C-Can you do that again?”

Satan chuckled softly and took his chin in his hand, guiding her face to look at him. He stared into your eyes for a minute with a teasing smile before doing just as he was asked.

The boy never actually said the words like he planned to, but it was obvious that his meaning got across to you.

Asmodeus:

As the Avatar of Lust, Asmo is no stranger to feelings.

He had so many crushes during his time in the Devildom that he probably couldn’t even count them all.

They were always simple feelings though, flights of fancy that came and went, holding no real long term significance to him.

Don’t get him wrong; he finds a lot of fun/cute/sexy/beautiful people that he enjoys spending time with, but he sees them all as just temporary beings, coming in and out of his life without a second thought.

It’s still new for him to develop strong feelings for a person to the point that he actually thinks 'I never want them to leave’.

But with you, he does just that. Doesn’t realize he feels that strongly for you till you actually leave though.

It wasn’t anything unpredictable; the school year had simply ended. Everyone knew it was coming, but Asmo gave it almost no thought till it was here. 

Your absence hit him harder than he let any of his brothers know. Still, he did he did usual activities; shopping, partying, spa days (though he noticed that he needed those more often than before).

He called you as often as he could. Would have probably spammed you with texts and calls if Lucifer hadn’t set a limit on all the brothers with when they can talk to you.

There really wasn’t an ‘Aha!’ moment for him discovering that he loved you. The question for him wasn’t if he loved you; it was more like how much he loved you that he questioned.

After dealing with your absence, he got his answer: a lot.

When you finally came back for another year at RAD, the boy was ecstatic. 

Immediately jumps into hugging you, giving you little kisses on the cheek, and coming up with different reasons to keep you close.

Really clingy, but in a cute way.

Boy drops the ‘love’ word on you like it’s nothing.

Absolutely adores your blushy face after.

Is nothing but smiles when you said it back to him and wasn’t worried about it all.

I mean it is him we are talking about so of course you love him back.

Beelzebub:

Is slightly slow with the realization, but not the slowest of the brothers.

There was kinda already signs floating around about his feelings before he even knew it.

The other brothers suspected it, but unlike with Mammon, they just kinda left the big boy to handle it on his own and didn’t tease him about it.

Though he’s commonly helping all his brothers out with one thing or another, without even realizing it, he started treating you with the same level of care he usually only gives to Belphie.

He shares his foods with you and is always checking on you to make sure you feel okay (physically and emotional). Sweet boy knows how stressful it can be in House of Lamentation with all the arguing and his brothers’ shenanigans so he tries to makes sure it doesn’t bring you down.

He even once carried you to bed after you fell asleep on the couch after school. He felt bad you were so worn out from the day and didn’t want you to wake up with a sore neck from sleeping wrong on the couch.

Then there was one day when he managed to make you laugh--not on purpose, mind you, and the poor boy is still confused about what he did to this day, but the sound of your laugh filled with his cheeks red and the sweet boy couldn’t help smiling at it.

But once the moment ended and your laugh was gone, all Beel could think about was wanting to hear it again. He really wished he knew what he did the first time so he could replicate it.

He started asking around with his brothers about the moment that made him feel so warm inside and why he couldn’t stop thinking about you or that moment. They all waved him off with small smiles, telling him that he’ll figure it out on his own. Except for one.

Asmo was way to excited to follow the other brothers’ lead.

“That’s because you love her, silly!” He grinned at the redhead. “Now! When are you asking them out? I’ve been waiting foreeever to give you dating advice!”

Cue Beel’s brain buffering. And buffering. And buffering.

Ding.

Wait..love?

The boy smiled a sweet smile and walked away from his brother mid-sentence.

He kept walking till he found you in your room working on homework.

You lifted you head and smiled at him, mid-greeting when he wrapped his arms around you in a hug. You blinked in confusion, but hugged back.

“What’s this about?” You laugh from in his arms and the good boy loved the sound of it. In fact...

“I love you.” He said, smiling down at you.

It was a cute albeit random and unexpected moment for you, but also one of your favorite memories with him.

Belphegor:

Belphie was surprisingly quick with discovering his feelings for you.

He knew it was love, but tried pushing the feeling down inside of himself out of guilt.

Yes, you forgave him for using and killing you, but the boy hadn’t forgiven himself for doing it, which made his feelings for you just hurt him worse.

Sleepy boy tries his best to take care of you to make up for it, but feels like it’s not enough.

He’s always the first person to realize when you’re starting to stress out and pulls you to him for nap. Naps always help him take a break from stress and various other emotions that he doesn’t want to deal with and knew it’d probably help you too.

Nap buddy. That’s what you’d call him, causing him to blush and turn away from you.

With the poor boy feeling so complicated, it was actually you who confessed your feelings to him instead.

It was during one of your nap sessions, unsurprisingly. Belphie just stared at you, eyes wide in disbelief, before switching to a glare.

“You stupid--how can you say that after what I did to you?”

“Belphie...that’s in the past and you’re different now.” You tell him. “I love the person that lays next to me; he’s different than the man who killed me.”

Oh Lord Diavolo, the way your human mind works is so ridiculous to him.

Ends up rejecting you and finds a new place to take a nap. His anger quickly turns to sadness as he falls asleep.

Feels awful the next few days. He didn’t mean to hurt you; he just wants you to understand that he doesn’t deserve you after what happened.

Eventually approaches you to explain himself, hoping you’ll understand and let go of your feelings for him.

Instead, you launch into trying to reassure him that it’s not like that and regardless of what happened in the past, your feelings still stand.

He still thinks you’re idiot and tells you as much...but admits that he feels the same.

During the first two weeks of your relationship, the boy is surprisingly tense, but eventually accepts where you both have ended up and just lets himself enjoy it.

~

Masterlist

[dornish-queen]

Pedro Pascal: “I already took all my drugs very early. In middle age, a hangover is not an option ”

When he was approaching 40, he resigned himself to having sporadic papers that would allow him to pay the rent. But playing Oberyn Martell in 'Game of Thrones' changed his life and opened the doors of 'Narcos'. Since then it has not stopped. Now he's the villain from the blockbuster 'Wonder Woman 1984'

JUAN SANGUINO

THE ANGELS OCT 2, 2020 - 3:19 PM EDT

The first big opportunity of his career was presented in 2011, when he participated in the pilot episode of Wonder Woman for NBC, but the network discarded the series and Pedro Pascal returned to his main occupation: casting castings to play the criminal of the week in the Law and order of duty. “That cancellation was a disappointment, of course, I wanted to work. I did not care if it was something good or bad, I just wanted to work, "he recalls today from his home in Los Angeles during a virtual conversation with ICON. Now Pascal plays the villain of Wonder Woman 1984 , one of the blockbusters destined to return audiences to movie theaters .

How can you not believe in fate? The boy who broke his arm twice playing Indiana Jones has ended up becoming the favorite hero of the kids (the bounty hunter in The Mandalorian ), his parents (Agent Peña in Narcos ) and, well, everyone's. world (Oberyn Martell, The Red Viper, in Game of Thrones ). When Pedro was little, the good guys were always white and the bad guys were Russian, Arab or Latino. The Wonder Woman 1984 villain , however, is a white billionaire played by a Chilean.

“The film is set in the United States of the eighties, which were marked by capitalist greed. It was a tainted concept of evil. Stripped of humanity, but still absolutely attractive and alluring. People who dreamed of being rich and successful had to be salivated. It is true that at that time villains in the cinema projected a xenophobic image. Now the white man can finally be the bad guy, ”explains Pascal.

 Some already compare his character, Maxwell Lord, to Donald Trump because of that muck in this mud: Reagan's glorification of rogue moguls in America turned guys like Trump into aspirational role models and glamorous stars. “Trump was not the core of inspiration for my character, on our costume designer's board were Gordon Gekko [Michael Douglas on Wall Street ], American Psycho's Patrick Bateman and other suckers in expensive eighties suits. All those millionaires who hid despair, unbridled ambition and terrified masculinity ”, he clarifies. If Pedro Pascal sounds like a socialist infiltrated in Hollywood it is because that is exactly what he is.

“When Reagan was elected, many people around me were frustrated that the worst forms of capitalism were winning. In my home, with refugee and socialist parents, conservatism was not demonized but it did go against what was important to my family, ”he says. Pascal's father, José Balmaceda, was an Allende supporter doctor who saved the life of a priest wounded by Pinochet's militia .

The priest was later tortured and ended up confessing the name of his savior. When the police went to look for Balmaceda at the hospital where he worked, he took his wife and the newborn Pedro and jumped over the wall of the Venezuelan embassy in Santiago de Chile to request political asylum. That's why Pedro ended up growing up in San Antonio (Texas), in a socialist home but in Reagan's land. A Chilean with no memories of Chile who was called Peter in high school.

At the age of 20, Pascal was in Madrid working as a go-go and keeps good memories. Here she is wearing a Prada sweater. Photo: Danielle DeGrasse-Alston / Realization: Warren Alfie Baker

The Chilean-born but US-raised actor wears a Paul Smith sweater and suit. Photo: Danielle DeGrasse-Alston / Realization: Warren Alfie Baker

Pascal has never left the immigrant mentality behind. Even his father, who came to open a practice in California, always lived in terror that at any moment everything could vanish. “It doesn't matter who you are, how much you are working or how much you get paid. Deep down you always think that each job is the last one ”, confesses the actor. Maybe that's why he didn't dare move from his Red Hook, Brooklyn, hovel to a house more suitable for a Hollywood star until filming for Kingsman 2 and Narcos was over . Nor is it that he had spent more than an entire week at his house since, in 2014, Game of Thrones made him the guy most people would want to party with.

Pascal knew right away that Oberyn Martell, the Westerosi rockstar who always seemed willing to fight or fornicate with the same bravado, was going to change his life. “I had done a lot of castings for friends' plays, for copier factory ads or for very serious independent films that no one was going to see, while I watched how many characters that I had been about to play changed the lives of others. actors. And thanks to my experience and maturity, I recognized the potential of Oberyn. I understood who he was and who he could be ”, he presumes.

The actor found out about the audition when one of his acting students told him that he had taken the test but had been discarded because of his youth. Pedro snapped up and must have thought, “What would Oberyn do?” So he recorded a video on his phone and sent it to his good friend, actress Sarah Paulson . She passed it on to her good friend actress Amanda Peet and this one to her husband, David Benioff, one of the creators of Game of Thrones . The rest is the history of television and headaches: when he informed the Narcos producer that he was available to play Pablo Escobar's pursuing policeman, he accused him of making a spoiler for Game of Thrones: If Pascal had a free agenda, it is because Oberyn was going to lose his fight against La Montaña . He couldn't imagine, of course, in what way.

  Part of that electric, lively and hedonistic energy of Oberyn comes to Pascal from the summer (that of 1996) that he spent in Madrid, where in addition to studying he worked as a go-go in a disco. That stay was transformative because the actor realized that he had had to adapt his identity all his life with each new move, but in Madrid he felt effortlessly at home. “I was 20 years old and I liked it so much that I almost moved. My main language is English, I have an American accent and I can pass for white. But in my house there were many cultural differences with respect to the outside world and I remember that when I was 20 years old, when I came to Madrid, I felt very comfortable in my own skin in a way that I had never felt anywhere else. I guess I was not aware that I had spent my childhood and adolescence learning new ways of adapting, connecting, learning, and pulling. On the contrary, living in Madrid was organic and easy for me. I made friends right away and I felt supported, ”he recalls.

By the time he was 40 Pascal was resigned to being an actor with enough odd jobs to pay the rent. According to him, his aquiline nose was a bad nose by Hollywood standards. Far from being offended or frustrated by this typecasting, he was looking forward to it, if it translated into a new check. “It is very strange to develop a fantasy as a child, to have the opportunity to turn it into a hobby, then some studies and finally transform all that into a career. That is the bet. But my dream of becoming Leonardo DiCapriodied. He died dozens and dozens of times. So to move on he had to accept that, at best, he was going to be an actor with a job. That was already a triumph, "he says. "Also, I accepted that I was not qualified for anything else, I had no more skills: I had put all my time, my energy and my concentration in being an actor and the rest in living life and having fun."

That absence of vanity lives on today, even when he's been involved in large-scale projects for five years without stopping. After Game of ThronesHe has made eight films, of which seven are action blockbusters. The wave of fame came to him when he was no longer expecting it but when he was well prepared to ride it. Still, every workday is a surprise and she acknowledges that what amazes her most about Hollywood is the sheer physical stamina that people have. “Sometimes a project can look like building a city, with all the hours, all the work and all the energy it requires. Some people have better stamina and can get by with little sleep. That is an interesting contradiction: all the people creatively involved in a film have a special sensitivity and at the same time have developed a very tough skin and energy to go through the physical experience of shooting it, ”he admires.

 Then Pascal switches to Spanish (the language he uses to confess intimacies) and explains, in a few words, that he is old for this shit. “I thought I had all the energy in the world and now, in my 40s, I see that ... wow! There are times when I don't know if I will be able to reach the goal, because my energy is not at the necessary level. But I always take it forward ”, he guarantees. Maybe that's why people get so high in Hollywood. Pascal responds between laughter and again in Spanish.

“I already took all my drugs very early. It is something that is already too much in the past, and in middle age a hangover is not an option. No, no, no ”, she assures. What if the other hangover, that of the wave of fame, runs over you? “I was a good waiter. Not at first, because they fired me many times, but I ended up getting the hang of it, ”he jokes. If the Hollywood thing doesn't go well, you can always put drinks again. But for now Pedro Pascal is the personification that the American dream , although sometimes it takes a little longer to materialize, really exists. Even Ronald Reagan would be proud.

source

[thgreatestblue]

false god [part III]

➜ pairing: kokushibou x fem!reader ➜ warnings: smut, fluff, manga spoilers, angst, no happy ending. ➜ words: 7.8k ➜ a/n: the third and final part of this fic is finally here! it brings me a lot of joy to know that there are people out there that like my work even when my english isn't perfect. thank you to everyone who waited and supported this fic, i really appreciate it. this chapter is looong but i hope you enjoy it! ➜ ao3

➜ false god [part I] / false god [part II]

summary: Then, you look at him, really look at him. Past those six eyes, beyond the black, the red and yellow; for who he once was. Maybe in another life you would be graced with the luck to meet him again, under different circumstances, being able to love him for the person he truly was. 

V.

After so many years of living in the dark, the idea of enjoying the night as much as you enjoyed the day was still foreign. As the day shifted, you looked forward to watch the curtains of the stage closing for the sun, so the moon would have its chance to perform another beautiful night; stars twinkling and dancing between clouds, glowing in the dark — it was now an endless battle for your favoritism. 

There was something about the moon; its form so intrinsic and majestic. You would watch from your window how bright and graceful the celestial body moved around the sky. How it would cast a dreamy gleam as the night went by. The quiet sounds of the animals; crickets and owls filling the silence with their everyday songs. 

It was a beautiful phenomenon on this side of the world. Or at least, on this side of life you were finally experiencing. Counting stars to sleep, the gentle but cold breeze of the night, the fragile silence that seems untouchable even with the nocturne activity. It was peaceful, and that’s what you’ve wanted for so long that everyday was a day to enjoy life by itself. 

Or maybe partially, because some nights the last thing you did was contemplating the moon in the sky. Instead, you would be contemplating another one; right on earth, at the touch of your fingers. At Kokushibou’s mercy, you would give him anything he wanted — and you were, oh, so willing to provide. Even though you had a job to do, now most of the time, you would find yourself making your way to his bedroom, only getting out of it hours later. 

Kokushibou fucked like he fought. It was raw and rough, borderline animalistic — which you suspect was just his nature acting under his lust, he was a Demon after all. You didn’t mind though, you actually really liked how carnal and real the act felt. And mostly, how everytime after sex you would lay down, feeling good and satisfied. Soon enough you were craving for his touch, counting the hours, the days so you could taste him again. 

After some time, you learned all his preferences, all his favorite spots. You liked to see the hunger on his face when you changed things in bed, trying something new; just the greed on his eyes was enough to get you aroused. You loved the way he devoured your mouth, how he imprinted his desire on your flesh; carving you with kisses and teeth. 

Not only were your neck and shoulders marked; but you could find purple and blue spots on your back, down to your breasts, inside your thighs and even on your ass — He clearly was making it difficult for you to cover up everything. At some point you stopped trying to hide the marks he left on your skin. 

The other servants probably knew about your activities with him anyway, so it wasn't a secret you needed to keep. And the way Kokushibou glanced at your exposed, and pretty much marked skin for the first time while you were working still gets you all worked up — He was, without a doubt, a possessive man.

Soon enough, you started to spend more time in his bedroom than anywhere else. And because you didn't know how to explain to the servants that you’ve been having sex with him for the past few months, you choose to not talk about it at all. Pretending that nothing was happening was easier than trying to explain something that didn't really have an explanation. 

Or maybe it did. And it was quite simple. You liked to be fucked by Kokushibou, and he liked to fuck you. That was all.

When it came to having sex, it was something you could do without thinking; your body moved on its own, knowing exactly what to do and what it wanted. How to pleasure both of you, something that Kokushibou seemed to like — A contrast to the old days, because he wanted you to feel good, wanted to make you come screaming his name. Which was something you were very pleased about because you couldn't take one sided relationships anymore. 

However, when it came to simple interactions; like talking about the day, about the weather, or even dancing with him — another thing Kokushibou seemed to take a liking other than having sex — You were a mess, never knowing what to do, where to look at. It would make you laugh at how much those basic things left you blushing more than having his cock down your throat.

The night was prettier by the lake; the water was almost still, saving from the small bubbles from the fishes that popped on the surface from time to time. It reflected the full moon on its surface, mirroring the beauty from the sky. The wind hits your exposed legs, and even though it isn't cold, you shiver slightly. 

You were wearing only a kimono and your undergarments. It wasn't an ideal way to dress when going out of the house; but sooner or later you were going to be naked, so why make it difficult to undress? When Kokushibou invited you to come see the lake that day, it was more than obvious that he didn't want to only show you the place. 

“May I ask you a bold question?” You shyly say, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes.

You pick one grape from the bunch you had brought and eat it to distract yourself from the nervousness on our stomach. Kokushibou didnt say it was a picnic, but you decided to make it one. The towel that you extend was soft under your skin, the food was inside a basquet and even though the man wasn't eating anything from it, you knew he would still have his meal before dawn.

“You may.” He’s sitting by your side, eyes lingering on your fingers. The warmth of the proximity was nice since you weren't wearing many clothes.

“How old are you really?” You ask hesitantly. You knew it wasn't your position to ask personal questions; yet, you couldn't help wanting to know more about the man, wanting to dwell on his deep waters; wanting to find treasures no one had the chance to see. 

“Why do you want to know that?” Kokushibou blinks, eyes opening and closing in a perfect rhythm. 

Although it was rude to stare, the movement would always catch your eyes, watching how even his blinks were perfectly synchronized. You once had the opportunity to watch him train, and you wanted to imprint every single minute of that day on your mind, forever carved on the brain. You had never seen someone moving so beautifully yet dangerous; how impeccable the katana cut through the air, every single muscle exposed as he shifted from a position to another — And heavens, the way he fucked you after that left you sore for the rest of the week. 

“Because I'm curious?” You raise an eyebrow, trying to sound casual. 

You were still working your nervousness around him when you two weren't having sex. It was a territory probably neither of you knew much about, Kokushibou taking too long to answer, and you hesitating to continue. You pick another grape, this time making sure to suck your finger in the process.

Kokushibou shifts his gaze to the lake. A beautiful swan floated around, alone in the big body of water. You watch the bird as well, the gleam from above making the white of his feathers shine under the moonlight. Silence fell between you two, but it wasn't uncomfortable. You wonder if Kokushibou was thinking about his past life, if he was trying to remember all those years he had lived. 

“485 years.” He finally says.

You gag on the grape, coughing a little bit in the process. You had a suspicion that he was old, but 458 years? You look at the lonely swan again. Time must be a different concept for someone like Kokushibou, to watch seasons changing the landscape from a year to another, from snow to summer rains. People borning then dying. Heroes rising then sinking. Wars, Marriages. Life, Death. It was such a heavy number that you couldn't even fathom the idea of living for so long. Alone.

“Isn't lonely? Living for that long by yourself?” You genuinely wanted to know.

Kokushibou turns his head to look at you, bringing his hand to your face. He touches tenderly your cheek and you immediately incline your head, seeking the warmth of his skin. It was moments like this you allowed yourself to dream, just a taste of what it could be if this was another reality. You briefly close your eyes, kissing the palm of his hand.

“Sometimes it is,” His eyes hover over your face, then over your almost exposed breasts. The only thing keeping your kimono together was a sash around your waist; which was poorly tied. “Sometimes it is not.”

Truth be told, he had become bolder with his actions in the past few weeks, not restraining his touches for only the bedroom. You had a hard time trying not blushing furiously while he fucked you on the kitchen counter one night; the fear of being caught turning you on more than it should — or when he kissed your hand in front of the servants the other night after inviting you to dance.

That’s why when you got ready you thought it wouldn't hurt being bold as well. And by the way he was looking at your legs, the hem of your kimono sliding over your thighs, it was working quite well. 

In a swift motion, he grabs your wrist, pulling you into his lap. You don’t fight against it, letting your legs straddle his thighs, gasping as your pussy rubs against his crotch, and you can feel he’s already hardening in his pants. You wrap your arms around his neck, throwing your head back to show off your neck — that it never has time to recover before having his mouth all over it again.

Kokushibou doesn't waste any more time; his hand is already tangled in your hair, yanking in sharp tugs while biting and sucking the tender but still bruised skin of your collar. The other hand is untying the knot of the sash in a quick motion. You arch against him, bucking your hips into the friction. 

As soon as the kimono falls open, his mouth moves from your bruised neck down to your chest, leaving a trail of electricity at each kiss, lighting up all your body and forming a hot pool on your lower belly. He sucks one of your nipples and you roll your hips harder against him, moaning softly at his touch. 

“I didn't know you liked to play with dolls, Kokushibou-dono.”

You literally jump on his lap as soon as your mind registers the voice, squealing as the embarrassment of being caught washes over you. Kokushibou is fast on his movements though, quickly grabbing the hem of the kimono to cover your breasts. You hold your arms in front of your body before taking a look at the owner of the voice.

“What are you doing here, Douma?” The cold and sharp tone of his voice is enough to cease all of the fire and lust that was still lingering on your body. 

The man was standing a few steps away — at least he didn't have the audacity to come so close — His hair was so pale that it seemed silver under the moonlight; almost as long as Kokushibou too. His skin was also pretty pale. But what caught your attention was his eyes;  An array of rainbow pastel tones coloring his iris; it is different from anything you’ve seen, and you'd find it pretty if it wasn't for one detail.

He was definitely a Demon. And you had to curse yourself for, more often than not, forgetting about the fact that you lived amongst them. It was so easy to forget about problems like that when all you did was house work and sex. When there was no one in sight and no real danger to remember you that the world was actually a cruel place.

You notice that Douma, as Kokushibou called, is looking at you. At this point you should’ve already been used to Demons studying you with their hunter eyes, but it’s impossible to get used when every glance was different, if Kokushibou glanced at you with desire, then Douma looked at you as his next prey, ready to rip your head off. 

“Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting, it wasn't my intention!” He looks almost apologetic, but there’s something about the way he moves his features, as if it’s all mechanical; rehearsed.

“What do you want?” Kokushibou's voice cuts the night like a knife, it makes your shoulders tense. You had never heard him this angry before. 

You quickly get off of him, tying up the sash of your kimono again. Your legs tremble over the stare you’re receiving. It’s cold and sadistic, the smile spreading on his face is creep, making you remember why you had to stay away from Demons in the first place. 

“Hmm, I was feeling sad for losing three of our friends in such a short period of time.” He dramatically sighs, wiping away fake tears from his eyes, “I came here seeking your comfort but it seems like you have already found someone else.”

He glances at you again, and this time you can taste the danger and perverse intentions exhaling from him. You quiver slightly under his gaze, fear feeling your veins. In some way, it reminds you of Muzan; even though he never hid his intentions, somehow, having a Demon that did that on purpose was even scarier. 

“If you look at her ever again I’ll cut your head off.” Kokushibou warns, getting up from the spot, his back muscles are tense, the hand around his katana is tight. 

“Oh, Kokushibou-dono, you’re no fun! I was just teasing!” He laughs, putting a hand over his chest, “She’s indeed a fine piece of human, it would be a waste if something happened to her.”

It’s a lie. And both you and Kokushibou know it. However, the Demon doesn't look at you anymore, showing how important Kokushivou's position was amongst the Demons, his status turned him into a God, old and powerful. You honestly don't know if it should calm you, or make you even more alarmed. 

“Y/N, wait for me in my bedroom.” He commands, walking towards the other Demon.

“Yes, Kokushibou-dono.” It’s the only thing you can say, turning around and almost running back to the house without looking back. 

VI.

As the minutes ticked by, you could hear your own steps padding across the wooden floor, never stopping moving. You’ve tried to occupy your mind reading one of the books that were by the table, but the words didn't seem to make any sense, all blurry and twisted, the anxiety growing on your chest didn't make it easy either. You bite your nails again, feeling the fear creeping into your mind. 

For how long have you been walking in circles? 

The still lingering feeling of Douma’s predatory eyes spreads goosebumps all over your skin. He represents a different type of danger, if Muzan was violence and Kokushibou was dominance, the blonde was something as cold as ice, the type that burns your lungs when you try to breathe. His smile was just a facade; you wonder if people even believe in it — they definitely did.

However, you knew that the Demons didn't walk in groups, and they were mostly too narcissistic to even have friends. To have one coming in Kokushibou’s house was definitely a bad sign. Well, a bad sign for them. You had caught the servants whispering a few humors around the house but never paid any attention to them. Maybe you should’ve. Because now the idea of leaving this place, leaving Kokushibou, it didn't sit right in your mind — nor in your heart.

The sound of the door opening brings you to the present, immediately making you come to a stop. You hold your hands on your back, still feeling anxious about the situation — your gut telling you that something was definitely off. Holding your breath as Kokushibou steps in the room, you notice his eyes are a shade darker, jaw clenched tightly. 

You anxiously wait for him to say something, however, Kokushibou doesn't even look at you. Instead, he makes his way to the table by the corner of the room, quickly pouring himself a glass of his favorite beverage. You press your lips together, feeling the tension that has spread through the room starting to suffocate you. Something was definitely wrong, but you suspect Kokushibou wasn’t going to tell you, so you don’t bother asking.

He swallows down the entire liquid in one single gulp, setting down the glass with so much force that it makes you jump by the violence of the act. Kokushibou was angry. Your mind, for the first time in months, turns on the sirens that had been long forgotten since you started being intimate with the man. They are loud in your head and you can’t ignore the way your body starts to shake slightly.

You hated the taste that it left in your mouth, hated the way your body stiffened when he moved to pour himself another drink. Hated to remember that no matter what, your life wasn't normal. It was moments like this that made you rethink everything that you’ve done up until this point — if you even had made the right decision. You take a glance from the corner of your eyes, Kokushibou is holding another empty glass staring at the wall, the muscles on his arms are tensed at a point of breaking the glass.

“I’ll leave you alone, Kokushibou-dono.” It comes out weak and hesitant, your body building up a tension that goes down to your nerves. 

Kokushibou dosen’t say anything, doesn't look. And somehow you feel small, betrayed. Pressing your lips together, you close your eyes for a moment. It wasn't unusual that neither of you knew how to have a conversation, but this was just too much. You could sense the pressure of his hostility, taste the blood in your mouth. Whatever Douma told him it wasn't good news. You just hoped he wouldn't lash that angriness on you.

The thought makes you shiver, memories flooding your mind as the sound of the glass against the wooden table makes you jump again. This is bad, this is so bad. You thought you were safe; that those men and their angry fists and mean words were left behind — that they couldn't reach you here. Your heart beats faster in your chest, breathing starting to come out unseasy. You can’t go through that, not again. As anxiety starts to take over, you walk towards the door in quick steps.

“Stay.”

You stop by the door, hand holding the handle. Sweat runs down your forehead and you can’t bring yourself to look at the man. There’s a tiny chance that if you do, you will want to run, to put as much distance as you can between you and the predator Kokushibou actually is. You hesitate for a moment before letting go of the handle — even though you wanted to leave, he was still your lord, and you had to do whatever he asked. 

In a blink of an eye he’s standing right behind you, hands resting on your waist. You stiffen even harder as you feel his hot breath on your neck. It was so easy to get lost in the moment, to look at his face and not find anything strange, to continue to live your life in peace when the outside world was dipped in chaos and cruelty; molded by the hands of the same man who touches you so intimately. 

Your breath is caught on your throat when he kisses your nape, but the shuddering that takes over your body isn't good; it leaves you feeling cold and weird, caged by his hands and the door. There’s nothing you can do but try to fight those sensations from rising — the last thing you want is to make Kokushibou even angrier. 

“Y/N,” Kokushibou calls your name, and you hate the way you flinch; the blatantly display of fear makes you even more tense. 

Kokushibou holds your elbow, motioning for you to turn around. As you shift your body, your eyes fall to his chest, locked in the pattern of his kimono. Staring at him right now isn't a good idea, the reminder of your situation written all over his face. He studies you for a moment before speaking. 

“I’m not angry with you,” He says gently, slowly raising his hand, “I don't think I could ever be angry with you.” His touch is tender, the back of his fingers caressing your cheek so gently you find yourself relaxing under his touch.

The coldness of the room melts away as the warmth of his words hits your heart. The sirens come to a stop, leaving your head in complete silence. You lift your eyes to stare at him, and even if Kokushibou was hard to read sometimes because of the amount of eyes instead of skin, the look on his face was definitely softer, and you could swear there was a hint of smile on his lips. Your heart throbs with the sight.

Kokushibou has never treated you like a whore. He wasn't like those men.

For your surprise, it’s you who move first. Wrapping your hands around his neck and bringing him closer. You brush your lips against his while inhaling his musk scent. Kokushibou pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and holds you in a tight grip; it’s almost suffocating the way his firm body presses on yours — almost as if he’s afraid that you’re going to leave. But you quickly discard the thought. 

Kokushibou is never afraid… Right?

You lean closer, forehead tenderly touching in between the first row of his eyes. You get lost in the heat of the moment; the act is so intimate you have to close your eyes. His breath dances around your face while your fingers rub gently his jaw, easing the tension that had settled there a few minutes ago. He hums with the touch, and if you didn't know any better, you would say you effectively calmed him down. But you don't have that kind of effect on him, do you?

The kiss is chaste, almost innocent. It was a first time for you, kissing someone this way, wearing your emotions on your sleeve without even noticing. And you decide that it feels good, taking your time to savour each part of him without worrying about the next step. 

And he lets you kiss him as much as you want, only tilting his head so you have better access to his mouth. You had never kissed Kokushibou so calmly before, without second intentions. It overflows you with feelings you didn't know that even existed, it was more than desire, more than lust. However, you push those thoughts for another time, now you were too focused on the flavour of his lips. 

He holds you tight, hands traveling down your back, slightly squeezing your ass in the process, and you breathlessly moan in his mouth, “May we continue what we started?” Kokushibou asks, leaving small trails of kisses along your jaw. 

And just like that, all the hesitation leaves your body. He was asking you, like the first time months ago. It’s a strange feeling, knowing that on some kind of level, he actually cared about you; about what you wanted. As you stop to think about, he never forced you to do anything you didn't want to. Sometimes you would hesitate, yes, but the final word was always yours. 

You nod, letting him guide you to the futon. And maybe the reason why you trusted him so blindly was because he cared enough to listen. Something that no one has ever done before. Althought it was terrible that you could excuse murder for just a tiny bit of Kokushibou affetion, you couldn't help but feel good in his arms, stability in his words. 

This time you decide to stay on top, straddling his thighs as soon as he sits on the futon. Kokushibou doesn't seem to mind, seeking your mouth instead of aiming for your neck. And you lose yourself in his taste, letting his tongue travel around your mouth, sliding against your own. You softly moan as he grinds against your pussy, his erection getting harder as you rock your hips forward. 

Kokushibou quickly unties the knot of the sash, and you let the kimono fall on to the floor. The heat on your lower belly starts to boil, building you up deliciously slow. Then, his mouth is on your left breast, biting and sucking gingerly while you grind on his crotch, pussy pulsing already. Your fingers curl on his hair, tugging harder as he pinches the other one.

“Aah, Kokushibou,” You throw your head back, intense hunger taking over you, “I need you, now.”

Kokushibou growls with your request, devouring your mouth like a man who hasn't eaten for days, and you take his carnal need with delight, sobbing when he bites down your lower lip. Suddenly, the tender atmosphere shifts, red fills your vision as he thrusts his hips upwards, grinding on your pussy, and it doesn't take long for you to become a mess of moans.

His clothes are quickly discarded, and you immediately wrap your hand around his cock, feeling each vein and muscle as you start to stroke him. You liked the weight and the build, the way it twists in your hand when you turn your wrist just right — only you could do this to him, and somehow it fills you with pride. 

You wanted to suck him off but right now you were taken by a need to have him inside you. It leaves you drunk with him; his scent clouds your head, and all you can do is feel every inch of his strong body against yours, rubbing on your hardened nipples. Sweat runs down your back and you’re so sensitive that even the brush of his finger on your clit makes you shudder, pulsing for something more.

You take the opportunity to kiss his neck while you run your hand down to his balls, he groans as you continue to stoke him, hands gripping your hips so tight it might leave marks; but you were already used to those — and strangely enough you want them more than ever. Positioning yourself above him, you hold one of his shoulders for balance while the other guides his cock to your entrance. 

Kokushibou holds your hips as you go down on him, groaning while watching you take all his length in one swift motion. You roll your eyes when his cock hits the deepest part of you, filling you up the way you most liked it. He stops you from moving though, taking his time to enjoy the feeling of your walls clenching around him.

“You’re so good,” He praises, “So perfect for me.”

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes and you don’t know why you are so sensitive today. A realization sinks on your stomach as you watch him behind heavy lids, his mouth red and swollen from your kisses, his hair was a mess, the once perfect ponytail now was in a disarray; the sight makes something itch under your skin. 

You reach for his face, involving his neck with one hand while the other tugs free the piece that holds his hair together. Kokushibou doesn't protest, doesn't move. Rather, he watches in amusement as you take a good look at him for the first time with his hair down. Your breath gets caught up on your throat.

He was the one who was perfect. 

“You’re so beautiful, Kokushibou.” It leaves you speechless. It wasn’t fair how astonishing his beauty was, almost from another world. 

You could stay like this forever, staring at him like he was a God — worshiping him as if it was your only salvation. His hair falls on his back, and somehow he looks way younger like that, it frames his face flawlessly; and you have to suppress the desire to run your fingers through his hair for the rest of the night.

Then, you look at him, really look at him. Past those six eyes, beyond the black, the red and yellow; for who he once was. Maybe in another life you would be graced with the luck to meet him again, under different circumstances, being able to love him for the person he truly was. Love. Your mind freezes as the word appears from the deepest part of you.

Kokushibou smiles softly, leaning closer to kiss you. And you take his mouth like a gift from up above. You run your tongue over his lips, his teeth, drinking him up like the most delicious wine you could ever taste. For now, you were more than satisfied with what you got.

You can feel his cock throbbing inside you, but instead of moving, you pull back from his mouth. Right now you just wanted to give everything you could, wanted him to feel everything you would never be able to say. You hold his face, lifting just a little to reach the first eye. 

Softly, as if you were holding something fragile, you kiss his eyelid. And then the other, then the other. You make your way down his face, putting devotion on each touch, each kiss carrying a different type of emotion. It makes him sigh every time your lips meet his eyelids. It was still too soon to say anything, but if the words appeared in your mind, then maybe it wasn't impossible. 

After all his six eyes received their deserved attention, you leave another chaste kiss on his mouth. But Kokushibou doesn't let you go far away, pulling you for an open mouth kiss that leaves you breathless. He devours your mouth with such a hunger you think you might come just from that. He’s desperate on his touch, savoring you as if you were going to disappear. You do your best to match his rhythm, trying to tell him that you weren't going anywhere, that your place was here, by his side. 

His cock throbs inside you again, and you take that as a cue to finally start moving. It starts quite slowly, you move your hips lazily, riding him while breathing heavily through your nose, eyes rolling to the back of your head as each drag of his cock makes you see stars. Kokushibou holds your hips, guiding you to keep moving; he watches you so intensely it makes you blush furiously.

“You take me so exceptionally,” He bites down on your earlobe, “I could watch you ride me all day.”

You moan from his words, they were making you feel hotter than normal. Maybe you did like when he praised you, when he would let his guard down. It showed that he liked and trusted this arrangement as much as you did. Perhaps it wasn't impossible then, love. 

Kokushibou kisses you deeply between muffled moans, picking up the pace. He wraps his arms tightly around your waist and thrusts harder, pounding his cock inside you with enough force that you feel yourself hanging on your sanity by a thin thread.

“Oh—nnh, Kokushibou!” You cry out, “Bite me, mark me.”

You don’t know where that need came from, however it spreads through your body as quickly as fire spreads through a forest. Realization hits you as he moans on your neck, you wanted to be owned by him so badly — and you would have laughed about how head over heels you were for this man if you were lucid enough.

Kokushibou bites down on your shoulder. It breaks your skin but it doesn't sting. Rather, it sends shivers down the impossibly heated pool on your lower belly. Then he bites down again, and again. You desperately moan louder each time — Kokushibou wanted you to be his too, and it sinks down into your bones, down to your core. 

Your nails scratch viciously at his shoulder, slicing red marks into his skin. He sucks and lickes all the bites, and even though you can feel blood running down your back, you’re happy. Somehow you were his, and that’s all that matters.

“Come for me, Y/N.” Kokushibou whispers, hungrily kissing you.

Your whine on his mouth, and even though you didn't want the moment to end, you felt like you were going to explode if you didn't come. Feverishly, your pussy tightens around his cock, your mouth opens but no sounds come out of it. 

Your orgams runs trought your body like a lighting, igniting every single nerve just to come crashing into you in a wave of relief. Kokushibou follows right after, growling in your ear. He thrusts deeper, coming inside you hot and heavy. 

Kokushibou pulls you with him to lie on the futon, you whimper as he slowly pulls out of you with a wet sound; his come drips down your pussy. You try to catch your breath, the afterglow lingering in your body so deliciously you can’t bring yourself to move. He rubs your waist with his thumb while you nuzzle his neck with your nose, hands caressing his chest. 

It feels different this time, the way his fingers brush your skin, how tender and fragil the air around you two feel. It fills you with joy, having him touching you like that, taking care of you after sex. As if you were something more. As if he liked you. 

You kiss his neck, then his shoulder, spreading small pecks along his collarbone. Blame the afterglow, blame the bubbling feeling in your chest, blame whatever you want. Damn it, you were happy. Kokushibou hums, stroking your back affectionately; definitely content with your pampering. 

Something crosses your mind, and before you can stop the words from coming out of your mouth, they are already out.

"What did Douma want?” You suddenly ask, feeling him tense under your body. Well, maybe you shouldn't have said anything, what a nice way to mess up a perfect moment. 

“Go to sleep, Y/N.” Kokushibou dismisses, you feel guilty when he stops stroking your back.

“Is everything alright?” You try again, the need to have an affirmation that nothing was going to change takes over your soul. 

“I told you to go to sleep.”

You fall silent, biting down your lips to prevent from saying anything else. You knew you shouldn't mingle in his business. However, you couldn't just ignore the fact that he was on the verge of snapping when he entered the room. The excruciating feeling creeping in your guts wouldn't let you sleep, you needed to know.

You hear Kokushibou sighing before speaking, “Muzan-sama is summoning me, I'll be back in a few days, that's all.”

You turn your head to look at him. His eyes are closed but there's a hint of uneasiness in his features. Muzan was a tough person to deal with it, you knew that very well. However, you couldn’t stop thinking that there was something more between the lines. You would’ve to talk with the servants if you wanted to know because the man clearly wasn't going to tell you.

In a gentle motion, you cup his jaw with one hand, only two of his eyes open with the gesture, watching you behind long lashes. Kokushibou’s hair is spread in the sheets, a pool of dark hair surring him like a dark aura; with hints of red on the tips. You ran your hand through his long and beautiful hair, it’s silk and smooth to the touch; just like you expected. He goes back to stroke your back, and you don’t fight the tiny smile from forming on your lips.

You look at him, but nothing comes out of your mouth. It's on the tip of your tongue, begging to be freed from its cage. It’s an overflowing feeling that fills your chest, padding each hole that life had once torn it open. It’s delicate, like your chest is filled with an intense light that shines through every pore.

Rather than speaking, you lean closer, capturing Kokushibou’s lips once again and diving in for a kiss. His lips feel soft on yours, still wet from the previous activity. He kisses you with vigor and you’ve to heavily breathe through your nose to not break the kiss. You wanted this to last as long as it could. 

There’s no tongue, only your lips meeting his in a soft and very intimate act. It feels pure somehow, how your hand caresses his jaw as Kokushibou sucks slightly your bottom lips. And you decide that you should kiss him like this more often from now on.

You pull away, breathing heavily. If the smirk on his face was a signal that he understood what you wanted to say, then it was enough. Snuggling your nose on his neck, you close your eyes, getting lost on his scent as fatigue starts to take over your body. 

”Good night, Kokushibou."

"Good night, Y/N."

VII.

You should’ve known something was wrong when Kokushibou kissed you in front of everyone before leaving. His hands cupped your face, kissing you so tenderly that you sighed as soon as he retread, missing his touch already. The gasps and shocked looks from the rest of the servants didn't bother you; what did bother you was the dread feeling eating you from inside out. You watched him go, disappearing in the distance until you couldn't see his silhouette anymore. 

The moon shone bright in the night, the flowers swung with the wind. But the air was tense, carrying an intense trepidation that left you shivering on the spot. Your gut ached with apprehension.

You should’ve known something was wrong when that same night you weren't able to sleep, nor the other ones. Without his warmth, without his body, without him. You haven't realized until now how you had become dependent on the man. You also weren't eating, dark circles adorned your eyes, and even when the servants asked for you to at least drink some tea, you couldn't find the strength. Not even their voices you were able to register, caught in a dark void that inebriated all your senses. 

Not one, nor two, but three weeks passed and there was no sign of him. You would sit in the front of the house every night, waiting for his return. 

But Kokushibou never came back.

You knew something had gone wrong when you saw the banner of the Demon Slayer in the distance, moving so painfully slow that you could count your heartbeats in the fraction of time they took to make their way to the entrance of the house. Someone shouted, there was the sound of something crashing on the wooden floor, you sensed someone touching your shoulder, speaking enthusiastically, motioning to the group of people that were now crossing the yard with huge smiles on their faces.

Suddenly, it was winter. 

Your body starts to shake violently, the air that enters your lungs is suffocating, like sharp knives stabbing your body repeatedly. You shook your head, holding your hands together in a prayer. Please, let my gut be wrong just this time. For all those weeks you never allowed yourself to think about a scenario like this; never allowed the dread feeling to take over your mind, the trepidation ran in your veins but you didn't let it poison you. 

This couldn't be. No, it was impossible. Kokushibou wasn't… Although, deep down you already knew the answer. Denying it was what made you tolerate the way the moon and the sun change places in the sky; the cold nights, the tasteless food, the insufferably voices of the servants. It was what prevented you from collapsing completely — however, now there was nothing preventing you from finally stepping to the edge of the cliff.

Someone touches your hand, it takes a few minutes for you to process who it was. The old lady holds your hands in hers, her smile doesn't settle right in your stomach, it sickens you instead.

“You are free, honey. He will never use you like that anymore.” She says in a sweet tone but it’s too sugary, too much for your palate. 

“What...” Your frown, feeling your skin crawl underneath her touch.

“It’s okay, Y/N. We all knew what he was doing to you…”

“No, you’re wrong,” You shout, face twisting in a scowl. You retreat your hands as if she had burned them, the implication of that phrase cutting deep to your bone, “I wanted him, I loved him!”

You can’t process what you just said, you can’t process that it took this long to say something so simple. The old lady looks at you with pity, as if she understands how you were feeling better than yourself, as if she knew you. She tries to hold your hand again, saying something you can’t comprehend, her touch is sickening, it feels wrong. 

“Don’t touch me.” You warn, stepping back. Your heart is in your throat, it burns to speak, it burns to breathe. 

The other servants stop their chatting to stare at you, some of them look disgusted; as if you had become a Demon too. There’s a nauseating silence but you can read each one of their thoughts, you don’t notice when your hands start to clench on your sides. You can’t stand it anymore. Panicking, you run to the only place you knew they wouldn't follow; his bedroom.

You’re trembling, knees almost giving in when you arrived at his door. No air enters your lungs; they are on the verge of collapsing. It hurts, it hurts more than any punch you’ve ever received, it hurts more than all the wrong decisions you had made in your entire life. It cruelly crushes your heart — tore it apart as if it was just made of paper — it wasn't strong enough to endure another change.

Impulsively, you find yourself opening the drawer where he kept his clothes, grabbing the beautiful piece of purple kimono he was always wearing. You run your hand through the fabric, the simple pattern brings a sense of melancholy; the taste of memories is so bitter on your tongue that you can’t keep standing. Your knees hit the ground in a loud and painful thud.

You bury your face in the fabric, screaming to the world, to the universe. Screaming until your voice was gone, until you couldn't hear anything but your own agonizing sound, lost in a sea of excruciating pain. You were drowning again, but this time there was no one to save you — misery corrodes your foundation, making all that you’ve built up until this moment come crashing down on you.

Life was never going to give you an option, was it?

His scent was still strong in the bedroom, on the kimono. You take a deep breath, trying to hold into something, anything. However, it does the completely opposite. It fills you with memories, shooting through your mind like bullets. They hit you countless times, each one more painful than the other. A broken sob escapes your lips.

You remember his touch, his voice, his body. But mostly, you remember the feeling of being with Kokushibou. It has always been peaceful, it has always felt good. In only a few months you were able to finally begin to be yourself, to finally dream. You remember his tiny smile, the way his hair swung when he walked, the way he touched you, the way he looked at you. 

You loved him. You really loved him. And even if Kokushibou didn't feel the same, he still gave you everything you wanted, a house, a peaceful life you always fought for, and the most important thing; he gave you affection. He took care of you when you thought the entire world was against you. You were selfish for wanting him to live forever, for wanting a Demon to continue to live, you knew that, but your heart didn't; it screamed for him to come back.

Nothing lasts forever, so why did you think he was an exception? 

It was an illusion that this could go on until you died. Another broken sob comes ripping your insides until it escapes your lips. It was all false. The tears come in large drops, dripping down into his kimono as you continue to scream. They crash and burn, making your body quiver with the intensity. 

Kokushibou was gone. He wasn't coming back to sleep by your side, to take care of you. He wasn't coming back to run his finger through your hair, to kiss you when you needed it. He wasn't coming back to touch you and love you.

For days the sky felt dull, as if an eclipse had settled in front of the moon and the sun, leaving you in an eternal twilight; the long nights and the colorless days. It aches your soul, the deep cuts were torn open, and now were bleeding nonstop, and you feel like dying from those injuries. 

When the night comes, you’re still crying. Everything feels false, your hands, his scent, reality. You can feel your body, can’t feel your face. You try to walk over the window by the corridor, trying to find some form of comfort, anything to put the pain to a stop. But it breaks your heart all the same.

Tonight, there was no moon to gleam over the darkness of the night.

[itsthenovelteafactor]

Superhero Gothic

Thanks to everyone who responded to my previous post (special shoutout to @jeyfeather1234 💛 ) about superheroes and gothic media! I know it’s been, like, a month, but here we go.

Here’s a bit of a look into some common gothic themes, and how they apply to Doom Patrol, The Boys, Watchmen (2019), and The Umbrella Academy. This one’s a bit long, not gonna lie, but I hope you enjoy! 

Part I: Let’s Talk About Gothic Media

There is not actually an all-encompassing definition for gothic media, or even a universally agreed-upon one. You’re probably familiar with some well-known gothic works (think Dracula, Frankenstein, Edgar Allen Poe, Stephen King) but there is a lot of debate on what exactly makes them gothic. 

There are some common themes in gothic works, though: families/characters under the control of a tyrannical paterfamilias, the crumbling of the established order/estate, long-buried secrets that have consequences in the present, and supernatural events that are stand-ins for/reflective of the emotional state/past actions of the characters. 

(Note: these aren’t all the themes of gothic works or even most of them, but for purposes here, I’d like to limit this analysis to them. I’d love to talk about other themes/ideas, though, if anyone has them. 😊)

So… superheroes (quick overview in case you haven’t watched any of them… spoiler warnings for the rest of this discussion)

Doom Patrol:

Five misfit superhumans attempt to rescue their mentor figure when he is kidnapped by an old enemy.

They are very, very bad at it.

Also features a singing horse head, a sentient nonbinary teleporting street (who is by far the best character) and the narrator is the fourth-wall breaking series villain. 

Beautifully weird but will also emotionally devastate you. Criminally underrated, tbh.

Watchmen (2019):

Story takes place after the canon of the graphic novel which is too much to summarize.

Alternate history (that should really feel more fictitious than it does) where white supremacist organization the Seventh Cavalry, masked police officers, and former superheroes in hiding all collide in Tulsa Oklahoma

Swept the Emmys this year and ABSOLUTELY DESERVED TO

The Umbrella Academy:

Washed up former child superheroes are forced to reunite when their father dies under mysterious circumstances 

Time travel, dysfunctional siblings, and a killer soundtrack

Basically a family drama with the superhero story as secondary (complimentary)

Probably the most obviously gothic of all of these it is aesthetic AF 

The Boys: 

Superheroes exist but they are corporate sellouts under the control of evil company Not-Amazon (AKA Vought)

Regular human protagonists try to hold them accountable for their actions with varying (read: usually minimal) success

Yes, it’s the one from those weird ads earlier this year

Billy Joel!! 

Part II: Niles Caulder, Ozymandias, and Other Terrible Father Figures

The Tyrannical Paterfamilias: 

Does not always mean a father figure explicitly, often relating to the notion of a patriarchal tradition, or family inheritance that plays a role in controlling the main characters. 

Sometimes, it is a father figure. 

Sometimes, it is a representative of patriarchal tradition/male head of pseudo-family unit.

So, uh, role call: 

Reginald Hargreeves (even in death) holds power over his children, and has shaped all of them into the adults they have become, and that drives the majority of the conflict. Each of the major character individually grapples with the after-effects of his abuse. Luther feels the need to be the leader and protect everyone and alienates his allies as a consequence. Diego constantly asserts himself as a hero (often to dangerous extremes) because it is the only way he was ever valued. Allison has to teach herself boundaries and responsible use of her powers after he encouraged her to abuse them for years. Klaus turns to drugs to cope with his childhood trauma. Five disobeyed his father with disastrous consequences and is constantly fighting to not become him. Vanya spent her entire childhood in the background, and never learned to assert herself in a healthy way. Thanks, Reggie.

Homelander says that The Seven are like a family. While whether or not this is accurate (it isn’t) is up for debate, he does occupy the tyrannical paterfamilias roles incredibly well. Homelander controls every member of the Seven, threatening them and their loved ones whenever they step out of line (read: do not do exactly what he wants in the exact way he wants them to do it.) He is also very closely tied with conservative/patriarchal rhetoric in-universe and at one point dates a literal Nazi. 

William Butcher less evil than most of the other characters on this list but the bar is also like, on the ground. Butcher tries to control the Boys in a similar way (Butcher and Homelander are character foils, okay? it’s actually pretty neat). He’s perfectly willing to sacrifice them in pursuit of his own goals, disregards their points of view and the well-being of their loved ones, and tries to cut loose anyone who disagrees with his methods (recall when Hughie tried to rescue his friends at the end of s1 and Butcher… punched him in the face? Yeah, that.) The difference is that the Boys can push back against his without being, you know, brutally murdered. (And also the Butcher isn’t a literal monster; I’m not anti-Butcher, okay? He’s an interesting character and the fact that he seems constantly on the verge of becoming that which he hates most is part of what makes him interesting.)

Guess what, folks? It’s hating Niles Caulder hours. He engineered accidents to turn the main characters into his test subjects, and then kept them conveniently hidden away in his large manor. Stole their autonomy and independence but paints himself as a benevolent father figure. And that’s not even including what he does to his actual daughter, Dorothy. He’s terrified of her growing up (read: becoming a young woman) and so he locks her away for almost 100 years and, when she is freed, yells at her constantly and makes her terrified of showing any signs of maturation (even though she’s 111 and clearly tired of being written off as a child).

The relationship between Ozymandias and his daughter, Lady Trieu, is integral to the final act of Watchmen. Heralded as the “smartest man in the world,” Ozymandias refused to acknowledge his daughter as his until he needed something from her. While Lady Trieu is more self-sufficient and independent than some of the applications of this trope, she goes to great lengths to prove herself, first to him, and then to herself when he rejects her.

Part III: Been a Long Time Gone (Constantinople) 

Gothic fiction is often associated with change, and particularly, the collapse of established systems of power. For example, many works like The House of the Seven Gables and The Fall of the House of Usher take place in old, crumbling manor houses. There is a reason for this! These kinds of estates are remnants of a past that is irreversibly gone, and their continued presence in decrypt forms serves as a reminder. 

Each of the four series takes place at a moment, either on a wide scale or on a personal scale (or both!), in which an established order is being questioned, and the constant reminders of that failed order are used to gothic effect.

The Umbrella Academy plays this most directly (In fact, there are TONS of parallels between the end of s1 of TUA and House of Usher that I don’t have the time to get into right now... lmk if you want that meta). We can see the Hargreeves mansion as a very literal example of this. While not worn down, the house is notably both very large and very empty. Shelves are filled with merchandise for a superhero team that disbanded over a decade prior, and portraits of a family that no longer speaks to each other. None of the family members ever seem truly comfortable or at ease in the house, and for good reason - every back corner is a reminder of their incredibly traumatic childhood. 

In The Boys, the story begins with the fridging death of the main character’s girlfriend, Robin, at the hands of a member of the Seven, a group of heroes so ingrained in the public consciousness that when they later hide out in a costume shop, literally every single costume is for one of Vought’s heroes. The Seven represent the system in power, which, at the disposal of Not-Amazon means corporate greed, shallow altruism, and the cultivation of public personas at the expense of actual humanity. 

From that moment on, the sheer presence of The Seven on everything from public billboards to breakfast cereal is a remainder for Hughie (and the audience) that this established system doesn’t work and is based on lies, which serves this effect on a personal level. In the broader scale, however, we also see that the Seven themselves are fracturing under an unsustainable business model. Even their name, “The Seven” starts to seem a bit dated when halfway through season one through the end of season two there are notably... less than seven of them. 

The main characters in Doom Patrol are all in recovery after the accidents that irreversibly changed their lives. We see through flashbacks the people that they used to be, and the difference is striking. They were each established in their own elements: Cliff a famous race-car driver, Rita a world renowned actress, Larry a hero pilot, Jane was involved in counter-cultural movements, Vic was a student and athlete. The foundations upon which their worlds were established are completely decimated by the accidents, and now they (save Vic and sometimes Jane) live mostly in isolation in Niles’ manor house, an estate that is far larger than would be necessary to comfortably house a group of their size.

And you feel the emptiness, both in the manor, and in the lives of the characters. They have barely created a shadow version of their own existence when the series starts, so fragile that a simple trip into town devolves into utter chaos. 

Angela Abar of Watchmen has also constructed a life following the terrifying act of terrorism on the White Night. It’s a bit of a double life, and we see that the balancing act is challenging for her, even before the story truly begins. The death of Judd Crawford, and the revelation about him that follows is not only traumatizing on a personal level (but it definitely is that), but also upsets her understanding of the world. People she’s come to trust are not just dishonest but truly monstrous. And the more Angela learns about what has been happening, the more her understanding of the world begins to unravel. Her memories, and the memories of those around her are cast in a much more sinister light, and the effect is genuinely chilling. 

Part IV: “I’m the Little Girl Who Threw the Brick in the Air”

In episode 3 of Watchmen, Laurie contacts Dr. Manhattan on the cosmic phone booth to tell him a joke. It’s a version of what TVTropes calls the “brick joke,” and it relies on set up taking place early on, other stuff happening, and then the response coming at an unexpected moment. 

So, yeah. Events of the past/buried secrets resurfacing with consequences in the present.

Continuing with the theme from Watchmen, the entire series is punctuated with the way the past and the present intertwine, with elements from both the original Watchmen graphic novel, and actual American history. One of the things we talked a lot about in my gothic lit class was the manner in which the overhanging specter of past atrocities casts a shadow over the present, and how many works cannot help but have gothic themes because there are so many horrifying things in the past that cannot be ignored, and provide both context and nuance for the discussions we have in the present. No series tackles these topics quite so directly (and with as much care) as Watchmen. (note: it does not always make for easy viewing, but if you’re in a place where you feel like you can engage with that kind of material, I highly recommend the show.)

In Doom Patrol, the past actions of the characters very much control the storyline (see: previous discussion of Niles Caulder), but the character whose storyline I want to talk about here is Rita (partially for plot reasons and partially because I just love Rita, okay?). We learn when we first meet Rita that in the past she was... not a great person. We know that the trauma of the accident that gave her her powers has changed her, we also know that she still holds on to the guilt and that her guilt has limited the scope of her world for years, but we don’t know what exactly it is that she’s done. 

Enter Mr. Nobody, all-powerful narrator who is not just aware of Rita’s greatest sins, but perfectly capable of manifesting reminders of them into the story. She is confronted with empty cradles, and the sound of crying children in the background of many scenes and we see how much it effects her, without a full understanding of why it does (see: The Tell-Tale Heart). Her past begins to haunt her physically, and she begins to crumble in response to it, until finally she is forced to confide in a stranger (and thus the audience). The past actions do not just inform the audience of Rita’s character - they show up to influence her behavior in the present. 

The ending of The Umbrella Academy season 1 is super evocative of the gothic genre with Vanya breaking open the soundproof chamber (wherein she was silenced for years) and rising from the basement to destroy the last remnants of the Hargreeves legacy (which would be awesome if the last remnants of the Hargreeves legacy didn’t include the rest of her family). Pretty much every mistake the siblings make over the course of the season feeds together to create the finale, but the primary cause isn’t something any of them actually did. It all ties back to Reginald Hargreeves’ complete inability to be nice to children. Any children. His own and random strangers that need help. 

In The Boys, while the extent to which people are making f-ed up choices in the present cannot be expressed enough, we see through the characters of Homelander that many of the present difficulties are a result of past mistakes. Particularly, the profit-seeking corruption within Vought. We learn in s1 through Vogelbaum that Homelander was raised in a lab by Vought as an experiment, only to be unceremoniously thrust into the spotlight and told he was a superhero (which... does not justify a single one of his actions but is still a major yikes). As the head scientist of the project, Vogelbaum is very aware that ignoring his conscious if the name of research has essentially created the biggest threat their world has ever seen. 

(Seriously y’all just stop raising your super kids in isolation) 

Part V: Put Them Together, and They’re the MF-ing Spice Girls 

Having the environment respond to characters’ emotions/mental states is pretty common in gothic works (it was a dark and stormy night = someone is probably not doing super well). One of the advantages of the genre’s tendency towards the supernatural is that, often, those elements of the stories, as well, are reflections of the main ideas of a work of fiction (see: Stephen King’s really unsubtle period metaphors).

Because all of these shows have a ton of supernatural/scifi elements by virtue of being, well, superhero shows, I thought it would be easier (and more fun!) to come up with a short list of elements, what they mean, and what cases they might apply to.

1. A Nonlinear Experience of Time

The Umbrella Academy: legitimately about time travel. Characters are attempting to fix the timeline but are unable to because they are both mentally and sometimes literally stuck in the past. 

Watchmen: In the episode This Extraordinary Being, Angela experiences firsthand the experiences of her grandfather, under the influence of a drug called Nostalgia. The episode touches on many themes, one of which being the impact of generational trauma in marginalized communities. Throughout the series, Dr. Manhatten is cursed with experiencing all time at once, and the episode A God Walks into Abar illustrates that, because of this, he is constantly facing the consequences of particular actions before, after, and while he is preforming him.

Doom Patrol: Mr. Nobody is able to physically travel to one of Jane’s flashbacks via his fourth-wall breaking powers, and gives Dr. Harrison an ultimatum for the future. 

What it implies: Events, particularly events that evoke guilt or conflict, are not as rooted in the past as one would like to think.

2. Powers/Abilities that reflect personal trauma/failings

Doom Patrol: Larry’s abilities/bond with the Negative Spirit have made it so that he is constantly covering himself with bandages/avoiding other people, which reflects his experiences having to hide his identity as a gay man in the 50/60s. Rita forced herself to walk a thin line, betraying everything in pursuit of her image; her abilities require constant effort to keep her entire body from becoming misshapen and out of control. Vic’s father with boundary issues can literally control his perception of the world through his cybernetic enhancements. Dorothy’s abilities manifest as imaginary friends because she was kept isolated for years at a time. 

The Umbrella Academy: pretty much all of the kids’ powers are representative of the interpersonal skills they were never able to develop. Luther is super-durable but also the most emotionally vulnerable of the group. Five can teleport and time travel but always seems to be too late to stop things. Diego can manipulate the trajectory of projectiles but cannot escape the path his father set out for him, not matter how much he resents it. Vanya always forced herself to stay quiet until the sound literally explodes out of her.

The Boys: Annie’s abilities allow her to control light, but she struggles (in the beginning) to bring to light the horrible things done to her behind closed doors. 

Watchmen: Not technically a power, but Looking Glass’ mirror-mask is a constant reminder of the hall of mirrors that both saved his life and traumatized him forever. 

What it implies: from a story perspective, these allow for an exploration of trauma/guilt to occur on a scale much larger than people simply talking about their problems (as if anyone on any of these shows knows how to talk about their problems...) It also means that the trauma/guilt of the characters takes on a physical form that is able to haunt them, and constantly remind them/hold them accountable for their past actions.

3. Diluted Sense of Reality:

Doom Patrol: The first season is narrated by its main villain, and throughout the season we see that the act of narration itself has an impact on the story.

Watchmen: The event that kicks off the plot of the story is hinged upon a paradox introduced by Angela near the end of the series when trying to speak to her Grandfather in the past through Dr. Manhattan.

The Umbrella Academy: The pair of episodes in season 1, The Day that Wasn’t and The Day That Was take the same point in time and explore two possible avenue for the future from there, with The Day that Wasn’t ending with the events of the entire episode being completely erased from the timeline.

What it implies: you can’t necessarily trust everything you see, even from the audience perspective, giving them a position not unlike that of the characters. The character’s uncertainty and confusion is magnified and reflected in the world that surrounds them.

Other examples: an apocalypse (The Umbrella Academy, Doom Patrol, Watchmen (of a sort)), ghosts (The Umbrella Academy - hi, Ben!), immortality/invulnerability (Watchmen, Doom Patrol, The Boys), and characters that look significantly younger than they actually are (The Boys, The Umbrella Academy, Doom Patrol). 

Part VI: Why Did You Write a Literal Essay Don’t You Have Real Schoolwork (yes... shhhhh...)

And... there you have it. I don’t really have some grand conclusion here. This is (clearly) far from a complete analysis but it is the most my finals-week brain can concoct at the moment. 

If you have other ideas, let me know! You can always add to the notes or message me – my inbox is always open!  If you got this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Much love! ❤️

[docholligay]

Fx’s A Christmas Carol

This review/ramble was sponsored by @amberlilly, and has taken me quite awhile to do. It clocks in at being 6,400 words long, and oh my loving God. If you want to watch the Miniseries itself, you can find it on Hulu! PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU ENJOY

I love A Christmas Carol. This may seem strange to you, given that I am a Jew who pretty virulently hates Christmas, but it isn’t REALLY a Christmas story, it’s a moral fable about selfishness and greed and the inability to appreciate and see the softer and brighter things that bring no profit. It’s a fucking story that every asshole hoarding toilet paper needs to hear right now. It’s a favorite for always, I read it every year, and I have seen many, many versions of it, and I bring you all that “wisdom” in this lengthy review of FX’s effort this past Christmas. 

Spoiler alert: I BASICALLY PICK APART THE ENTIRE MINISERIES. 

The shortest possible version of this entire loping review: I really quite enjoyed FX’s A Christmas Carol, and that seems to be an unpopular opinion. 

In the longer form: 

“A gift is just a debt, unwritten but implied” 

I have always felt that the finest form of recorded visual media is the miniseries. We, of course, do not call them miniseries any more, but, instead, ‘limited series’ or ‘a special event’ or somet stupid thing like that, for much the same reason I imagine we are now calling a station wagon a ‘full length hatchback’ because people are idiots, and you can’t sell something to someone if they don’t it is novel.

The miniseries allows the story time to breathe, allows for lingering thoughts and ideas in the way a two hour movie does not. And it avoids the worst of the TV show problem, where a show is punished for its own success by being forced to be mined like its fucking coal shale until there is absolutely nothing left, just some ugly polluted ground where a good idea used to be. 

And so I was very delighted at the idea of a Christmas Carol miniseries. 

Tonally, in broad strokes, it is much darker than the Christmas Carol you’re used to. This is a new Christmas Carol for a new period in time, and it tries to bring a lot of the genuine problems of the Scrooges of our modern day and transport them back to Victorian England. It does not in any way try to shield you from the fact that Scrooge is a man who thinks of nothing but profit, not of any human cost, and it does not rest upon anyone’s previous affections for A Christmas Carol. In fact, it would prefer that you deposit them at the door: This is a moral ghost story, this is not some warm Christmas good time for the family. 

And I would prefer it this way! Many of my most hated versions of this story become that way by making too much light of what is meant to be a moral fable. Or centers the story too much around Christmas itself, which it is not meant to REALLY be about. Of course, the very wealthy and those who prefer to be blind to their role in the suffering of others prefer the version of the story where the main problem is “Scrooge doesn’t like Christmas” and so I can see why they would consider this version a negative. I, however, am going to immediately find a copy of this one to keep. This is the way businessmen are. This is the way the very wealthy are.

The “thesis statement” of this show, which sets it apart from many other adaptations, is something Scrooge says early on in the movie, I think it happens within the first ten or fifteen minutes (bolding, obviously, is mine): 

“Behold. One day of the year. They all grin and greet each other when every other day they walk by with their faces in their collars. 

You know, it makes me very sad to see all the lies that comes as surely as the snow this time of year. How many Merry Christmases are meant, and how many are lies? To pretend on one day of the year that the human beast is not a human beast. That it is possible we can all be transformed. 

But if it were so--if it were possible for so many mortals to look at the calendar and transform from wolf to lamb--then why not every day?

Instead of one day good, and the rest bad, why not have everyone grinning at each other all year, and have one day of the year where we are all beasts, and pass each other by? Why not turn it around?” 

I mean, I heard this and was like, “Why are you booing him, he’s right,” because he is right. I have often found that one of my frustrations with the ways people engage with a Christmas Carol is they forget the “try to keep it all the year” part of it, and it has nothing to do with fucking trees and parties, it has to do with generosity and kindness. 

And this show goes in on that! SO LITTLE of what the show engages with is about Christmas at all, it’s a narrative setup, a collective mythology used to enact a moral tale, and I absolutely love that they actually went on what I feel is the core of A Christmas Carol. 

I’ve broken this down in NOT broad strokes but categories, to try and make the most sense of my thoughts on the show and why and how I think they work. 

On the subject of the ghosts: 

I absolutely love and adore the way they handle the ghost of Christmas Past. I am never sure what I’m getting into when I’m watching a version of this story because the ghosts are handled so many different ways, and I love MANY of them, but it’s one of the most tweaked with ideas in any version. And I see why! There’s so much you can do with them. 

Christmas Past they handle by having him change depending on where Scrooge is in his life, and the implication throughout is that he changes into whatever it was that scrooge needed in that time of his life, whatever he was seeking. With Ali Baba, it was escape, with the businessman, it was business, and they did all this with great actual care, up to an including having different actors play the different versions of the ghost of Christmas past. I’ve seen something like this done a few times (and have always been very fond of it) but if I recall correctly this may be the first time I’ve actually seen them go to the length of hiring different actors.  

The sheer mockery Christmas Past makes of him is worth the adaptation in and of itself--Christmas Past feels little for him, and I’m brought to mind the scene where his father comes home drunk, and Scrooge begs, in a moment of weakness, oh please not this night, and the Ghost simply says, ‘Why not this night?” I really quite like the less nostalgic tone they took with Christmas Past versus other versions. 

Christmas Present I thought was a bit of a letdown at first, just having his dead sister be the ghost, but when I was rewatching it, I realized that I liked it quite a bit more than I had in my first watching. Present is often the “easy” ghost, generally the one that is given the most positive sort of framing, and it’s not that they remove the positive framing here with Lottie, but they do tone it down a bit, and make it quite a bit more somber to be with her because we cannot remove what Scrooge has done to these lives. There is much less of the “cheerful, noble poor” rhetoric so common in the older novels (and at the time far more revolutionary) and far more of the reckoning that Scrooge has caused so much misery, but people have found a way around it, because they understand the value of other human beings. 

I particularly love the way she takes what he’s learned from Christmas Past, the way he’s seen how he is constantly aiming to discover what the currency of everything is with his horrid and cruel behavior, what things COST people, and dismantles it, shows him wha t a fucking fool he is, and when he says she’s mocking him, she simply tells him “You mock yourself, putting a value to things that have no price” and for the fiurst time ever, it seems like he’s really getting it. 

To those who miss the over-the-top cheer of Christmas Present, I might ask: “Do you miss the fucking THRASHING he gives Scrooge in the novel when it is removed? (as it is often?) Or does that just sort of...fritter away for you?” 

Christmas Future is basically often/always the one note ghost for me and that’s to be expected given that the character has no lines and is of an amorphous shape, which writing wise is a genius move because the future itself is amorphous and can always be changed. That is, in fact, one of the lessons of a Christmas Carol, is it never too late. But of course, in media driven by the dialogue, without much chance for internal patter, it can falter a bit, and I think this is about the same here.I have no trouble with how the ghost was done, in any way, but it does not, for example, twist the spirit into something terribly interesting in the way the otherwise forgettable “A Diva's Christmas Carol” does by making it into a “behind the music” episode. 

On the subject of Ebenezer Scrooge: 

Some people seem to be really rather upset that Ebenezer isn’t played as some bumbling old curmudgeon, but is instead a callously cruel businessman who thinks of nothing but the pursuit of money. One review I read while writing this, looking for things to respond to, described him as an ‘anti-hero’ which made me extremely concerned for the human being writing the review, as I don’t think the show in any way makes Scrooge into any kind of a hero. There are certainly versions that do that by way of making him “the cleverest person in the room” (even my beloved Scrooged is guilty of this, and Mickey’s a Christmas Carol is almost inexcusably so.) but this isn’t what the show is doing here. He is a miserable man, and he delights in making others miserable, he is a man so desperate to prove that every person in this world is as miserable as he is that he orders about the world to make it so. 

If you see an anti-hero in him, I am far, far, more concerned about you than I am about anything else. 

He is more like actual billionaires than any version I’ve seen. His cost cutting, his destruction. He is perversely cruel and sees human beings as playtoys. He echoes far more than any version I have seen, the true appetites of the rich, and maybe this is why this version shines so much for me, and why so many others dislike it. It cuts to the bone, this Scrooge. 

This show goes harder than other versions in many respects, and one of those respects is in Ebenezer’s childhood. His father is cruel in the novella, but really only glancing so, we hear little of his childhood at all, other than his father sent him away, and his sister had to wait for years to ask for him back. We must remember something: Dickens was writing on a tight timeline compared to his other works. I have no idea if he would have expanded on Scrooge’s past himself or not, but I certainly know he did not have the time and space to do so in his normal fashion. 

The show does a really interesting thing with Ebenezer, in that it does not allow a monster to grow from nothing. Most monsters do not. This is by no way an excuse--I think the show makes that fairly clear--but it is an explanation. His sister gives him a mouse, a stray mouse, for Christmas, dressed up with a little bell and ribbon from one of her toys, and Ebenezer loves it, and his father, drunk and impoverished, kills it. It’s an intense and horrifying scene, and as with many of the things in this show, in accomplishes this while showing nearly nothing. The entire scene happens in shadow, but you feel the fear of Ebenezer as a child, how it affects him to this day, how he begs for it not to be this night. The show makes even more clear how central this was to his willful callousness, his desire to never be hurt, by explaining that his father did this to “Warn me against unprofitable affections” 

I am now, and have always been, a sucker for a bit of writing that can allow for a character to be a monster, and also give a seed to plant that monstrosity, without forgiving them. It can be a delicate thread to weave, even more so with the way that people take characters, that sort of knee-jerk desire for a character to be either monstrous or abused, when, it can be both. Having cruelty enacted upon you does not forgive cruelty to others. I feel like show does a fairly decent job with this, reminding Ebenezer that his hated father affected him far more than the love of his sister, Lottie, or any promise of love in the future. He has shut himself off from love, and while he cannot be blamed for the cruelties of his father or the way he essentially sold him to a pedophile for free schooling, it was Scrooge who decided that all this meant his only way forward was counting. Numbers as wealth as his only true love. 

Scrooge even tries to pull a tumblr in this way, looking at the abuse and telling the Ghost, ‘This excuses me” as if he should be let entirely off the hook, AS A GROWN ASS ADULT, for what happened to him as a child. Non non! And the Ghost sides with me in this, telling him, “You only see what was done to you, and not what was done for you” and may I please frame that? I love that they looked at this out in the script and went, “Oh, I’m gonna close that up” 

They do this a second time, but not in a tumblr way, more in a reddit way, when Scrooge protests that whatever else he did to Mary Crachit, the money he gave to mary saved Tim’s life, and so, “if you view virtue purely through the consequence of an action rather than the motivation for said action we have just witnessed my former self doing a good thing.” (Me, watching this: I’m Jewish, I don’t do that even slightly.) and as the Ghost of Christmas Past goes to leave, Scrooge asks if he is forgiven, and Christmas Past yells, “It’s not about your forgiveness!” I love that in so many ways, they tie up what a person might argue in Scrooge’s favor, but Scrooge can’t see that forgiveness is nothing and change is everything. 

Making Scrooge a venture capitalist was, to me, an absolute banner move. A new villain for a new age. Don’t get me wrong, moneylender is now and always will be a fantastic villain, but venture capitalists have ruined many things you’ve loved TO THIS DAY. They buy troubled businesses, that could be saved, and instead of trying to turn them around, they sell them for parts, get the last scrap of meat off them, and then crush them. I can think of three businesses this has happened to that I know of, off the top of my head, in my lifetime: Toys R Us, Cabelas, and Lucky’s. All could have been saved, some of them (Lucky’s) fairly easily. But that isn’t what people like Scrooge do. 

The way they have him taken into the mine, to see what the cost cutting does to people, or the factory, burning and killing so many people, it allows us to really dwell in the HUMAN cost in a way that many versions shy away from outside of the Crachits. I think it’s very easy to go “Cutting costs hurt workers” but we often don’t really dwell in that, especially considering SHIT LIKE THIS IS STILL HAPPENING IN THE WORLD TODAY. Go look up conditions in Bangladeshi factories, how much do we really deserve H&M, you know? 

A personal touch I very much loved: Scrooge cares about animals far more than people. I LOVE this is a fucking villainy trait. I think we all know that person! I hate that person! And I adore so much when Scrooge says, down in the mine that is about to kill workers, some of whom are children, that he tried not to think about the ponies, and the Ghost of Christmas Past basically goes: “Are you SHITTING ME? Did you never care about the MEN down here?” while also allowing for the fact that his covering up a cold horse in London is the only reason the ghosts believed there was something good in him at all. 

On the Crachits: 

Bob:

The first time I watched this, I was like, “Man, do I even like Bob in this?” because he’s so different from the usual portrayal of Bob Crachit as meek and mild. But upon my second watching I realized I was really only reacting to the difference in tone for Bob, and that I very much like that he is a simmering pot of resentment and hatred, serving under a terrible fucking boss who makes money hand over fist while he busts ass with no benefits or help for very little pay. WOW DOESN’T THAT SEEM RELEVANT TO OUR TIMES? 

So yes, I very much changed my mind (this is why rewatching things is sometimes helpful for me) on the subject of Bob, and I think in this case he makes such a better standin for the average worker, for the way the system chews us up and spits us out and oh my god I want to give every rich boss I ever had Covid right now. 

Mary: 

Mary Crachit becomes a main character in this version of the story and I am absolutely taken with it. The way she does whatever it is she has to for her family, the way she is willing to lie and degrade herself in order to do so, up to and including being willing have sex with Scrooge (it does not actually happen, but the scene plays out) in order to save and protect her family, and never tell them where she got the money to save Tim’s life. 

She lies to Bob about this! Forever! I struggled with where I wanted to put this because I talk more about it in relation to the storyline and the scene itself below, but I decided just to leave it with Mary herself, and the way that she really does make massive sacrifices in order to protect everyone in her family. She bears the shame and the indignity of what was done to her, what she chose to do to save Tim, without any regard for herself. Mary is the rock of the family so much more than Bob is in this telling. 

She’s also inadvertently the one who saves Scrooge, wishing for and calling upon the spirits to show him what a piece of shit he is. 

Tim: 

Tiny Tim is no less a narrative device here than he is in other versions--that’s simply the function of TIny Tim. He’s the “puppy” of the story and we kill him off in order to tweak heartstrings and encourage changed behavior. They do make his disability more clearly defined in this one, and so things make a little bit more sense than they tend to in the original framing. 

I also really quite loved the effect with him breaking through the ice, and how Scrooge has to see it from below, and watch it, and see TIm’s spirit and beg him himself not to die, but to stay with his parents, to no avail, I thought it was a clever take on something we’ve seen done over and over again. 

Broader story changes:

The genuine spookiness. 

This is not the only version of Christmas Carol I’ve seen that attempts to create a genuine sense of fear and creepiness out of the subject material, and it’s not even the one that I think is the scariest, but I do think it does a really excellent job of reminding you that this is a ghost story. There are good little details here and there, particularly in the lead up to Jacob’s visit, that allow for a genuine sense of fear, or at the very least the understanding of Ebenezer’s fear. 

Outside of the doorknob incident, we also have the two coins, the exact same years as the ones Scrooge put over Marley’s eyes, drop down from the fireplace. This not only a good moment of spookiness that is difficult for Scrooge to explain away later, but it also gives us an early introduction to his obsession with numbers. 

But my favorite comes after Bob leaves for the day, and on Scrooge’s ledger he sees scrawled, by no one or nothing that he knows, “PREPARE YE,” that would be enough in itself, ut then we have a lovely moment that really encapsulates the capacity for self-delusion. Scrooge looks at the clock, and asks the clock to make it four, because he refuses to leave his office early, but he desperately wants to leave. He changes the watch he carries, and then the world goes into shadow, and all of a sudden the clock chimes four. DId time move? WHo can know, but it unsettles Scrooge enough. It isn’t only creepy, either, but is a moment to show that Scrooge will not bend himself by leaving early, but instead he will remake the world as he sees it. He will change the watch and make it lie, and thus change the world. 

The human cost of industry. 

One of the greatest things I think this adaptation does, and I’m not going to go too far into here because I go into it all over the place in this look at the series, is taking into account the human cost of industry. I don’t even mean the scenes in the mines, or the scene with the factory on fire, although of course those too. I mean even scenes like where a man has just died, and they are pressing him to sell the factory at half of what it’s worth, only to immediately fire all the workers and sell off the factory for parts not but a day later. To flip it into immediate profit. 

And we’re shown that he remembers nothing but the money he made off of all of it--the Ghost of Christmas Past has little effect on him, except as stage setting--and he runs off the numbers, remembering the profit he made of every single year, forgetting the workers, forgetting the people, forgetting what that money COST him, cost everyone. 

When we see Scrooge as moneylender in a lot of other adaptations, it’s easy to forget that making a lot of money usually has a lot of human cost. People of good character often say, ‘If I were a billionaire” but if you are a person of good character, you never become a billionaire. What it takes to become a billionaire is the coldness, the selfishness, to not allow your rising tide to lift other boats, but to hoard, and to keep. There are no good billionaires. 

Women are given shit to do in this version. 

For all I love the original novella, and I do, it is a product of its time, and because it is a product of its time, the women are mostly accessories to the story. Not so with this version, which has really tried to course correct that little problem from the original. 

With Lottie, not only to they have her save her brother, but then we have her become the ghost of Christmas Present, which I thik works really well as she seems to be the one person in his life Scrooge actually cared for and valued. He, a man who believed in nothing but money, paid for her funeral, and it’s a bit implied that with her death the last light of humanity went out of him. She saves Scrooge not once, but twice, when her sole job in the novella is essentially to show up at the school. 

I talk about Mary Crachit in her own section, so I’m not going to go into it too much here, but this version made her a goddamn main character, and I love it. I think that opens up this story for so many things and ideas that I didn’t even know I wanted but clearly did, all the different expressions of love, some of which are not nice or warm. Mary is a driver of the story far more than Bob is in this version, and I absolutely love it. 

The love inherent in sacrifice, and Scrooge’s blindness to it. 

One major SWERVE this story takes is with the subject of Mary Crachit. Where, in the novella, she hates Ebenezer because he’s a fucking dick and that’s about the beginning and the end of it, in this miniseries, she hates him because he was so unbelieveably callously cruel. He used her for his own disgusting appetites, he used her to prove that all human decency has a cost. 

It, like the mouse scene, is horrifying and uncomfortable, and I am very fond of it. It could have gone full rape no stars, but it doesn’t do that. It has Scrooge humiliate her, make it known that she was ready to do this, have her removed her clothes and stand before him, clutching the stays to herself. He doesn’t have sex with her, doesn’t sexually assualt her, tells her he isn’t even interested in that. Instead he picks apart, moment by moment, that she is a good Christian woman, that she loves her husband, that she considers herself faithful, and she is willing to sell herself for the thirty pounds (That’s around 4,700 USD today). It doesn’t matter that she’s doing it because her son needs immediate medical care, and Scrooge refused her offer of a loan as a “poor investment.” It’s terrifying, it’s humiliating, and it’s sadder yet because people with money are LIKE THIS. I could see this happening now, with little trouble. And the scene makes us sit with that cruelty without making it graphic, and in some ways I think that makes it worse, as it should be. 

But, tying this to the scene where Lottie, without his knowledge, comes to get him and threatens to kill the man who is sexually abusing Ebenezer if he so much as tries to come after them, for all he sees, he does not see the love in this act. He does not see what it must have taken Lottie, after their father finally left them, to take up and come to get him, to break him out of that horrible place. He only sees that he was the victim here. In the same way, he cannot see the love inherent in Mary’s act. What it must take for her to lay down every single thing that she believes in, because above all else, she wants to save her son. 

Which goes back to what I quoted at the beginning, a line I really loved for the sheer selfish cruelty of it: “ A gift is a debt, unwritten but implied.” So much of Scrooge’s ‘redemption’ in this version comes out his ability to learn that what his father says is in no way true. Lottie gave him the gift of freedom without asking anything of him, ever, so long as he lived, never even told him what she’d done. Mary never looks upon Tim with even the slightest bit of resentment for what she had to do to save his life. 

Which sort of leads me to my next bit, which is not so much a different section as a corollary to this one: Destruction as a form of love. I could write a 2,000 word essay on this in and of itself, but this is already more than 5,000 words long, so I am not going to do that. 

Leading off from the fact that Mary breaks her marriage vows and her vows to herself in order to save Tim, she also chooses to lie about it for the rest of her given life. She has no idea that a situation is going to come down where she’s going to have to tell Bob, she simply chooses, instead to bear her shame and hurt and terror alone, on some hand I’m sure because she thinks Bob will hate her but also because she knows that it will make Bob feel all the more preyed upon, that nothing in his life can be without the evil touch of Scrooge. 

And so, she chooses this tearing, this negative thing, but she chooses it out of love, and much like when we see Lottie “like a highwayman” threaten to kill the man that hurt Scrooge, we learn that not all love is a beautiful and warm thing, and sometimes love is difficult and unlikeable and hard. Sometimes there is love to be had in the things of shadow, as well. 

And in the end, when Scrooge destroys the ice sating rink so that Tim can’t fall through, that’s the idea that he can finally encompass this, that his love is total now, and it’s not just “scrooge gave everyone money” but SCROOGE LEARNED TO DESTROY THAT WHICH WAS TERRIBLE. 

Which leads me to:

THE ENDING: 

Let’s talk about all the things they change in the ending because there are a lot of them and I fully expected to hate that but it was very much that snake comic where it goes “I don’t like that thing”...”Oh no I love it.” 

Scrooge’s ‘redemption’ doesn’t come out of him wishing that he wasn’t the one to die, or wish that everyone would not hate him so much and immediately forget him, but out of the ida that it doesn’t matter what happens to him so long as Tim is allowed to live. He finally lets go of that massive selfishness which allowed him to profit so very much, and to give himself over to whatever it is, to be tortured, to not be forgiven. 

Because he knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, that he does not deserve redemption. He REFUSES redemption, he says he refuses to change because he refuses redemption, he refuses to not allow himself to be punished. “If redemption were to result in some kind of forgiveness than I do not want it” He finally owns his shit, because a large part of the point this miniseries is trying to drive home is that YOU are responsible for YOU, and no amount of excuse can let stand the horrible things we might do, or the things we let pass us by. I’m very into this, in a shock to literally no one. 

The sign that he can be saved is that he does not wish to be saved at all. 

And he does more, and better, than in the original, he gives Bob 500 pounds, yes, but also encourages him to take the better job he’s been offered, because Scrooge, in a true move of understanding what his greater evil is, is closing the entire company down, He is stopping the machine of destruction entirely instead of giving money to whoever he finds deserving and letting those he does not be chomped up by the machine. It’s a far greater sacrifice, a far more meaningful turnaround, than any version I’ce seen before. 

Mary tells him it will not buy forgiveness, and he says, yes, good, I won’t trouble you. I didn’t know how badly I wanted an ending like this until I saw it before me, but it was everything I had ever wanted from this. 

And then we, the viewing audience, all get called out at the very end, and it made a chill run down my spine and tears spring to my eyes in a way that really rarely happens to me but happens to me most when I feel “got” for lack of a better term. 

Mary is looking out the window, and says “Sprits, Past, Present, and Future. There is still much to do.”

And then she looks directly at us. And the screen goes black. We are left not saying “Oh wow gee willickers, that Scrooge guy sure was nasty BUT” and instead go away with, “How have I been Scrooge in my daily life? How can I change?”and for me it was harrowing in the way I think all viewings and readings of  A Christmas Carol should be, that we should always come away with the idea that we could be doing a better job, that some cruel Ebenezer waits inside all of us and we must constantly be working to root him out. 

Very minor loves:

The idea that the greatst torture is to be locked in one’s coffin, and never allowed to die, and how one does not really require a hell in itself, as one has been conventiently provided to each man, women and child who requires it. Really clever. What is interesting in that, however, is that the show is somewhat harder on Marley. In the novella, he is driven to help Scrooge by way of their past friendship, by some humanity he’s found in death toward his old friend. In this, it’s essentially only to escape this hell. 

Changing, “If they’re going to die, they’d better do it! And decrease the surplus population” to the very simple “then let them die” is something I didn’t expect to like--on the whole I am rather attached to the original line, but I think with the way they are trying to play Scrooge as more of a straight up villain and make this whole thing less of a ‘charming Christmas tale’ it really works. 

I love the bit with Christmas past when they use the zoopraxiscope thing to project the images, and it’s his hat. There’s nothing deep about it, I just really like it as a touch. 

People can be irredeemable, in their way: Lottie and Ebenezer’s father doesn’t turn kinder, the way he does in the novella, but just leaves, and so Lottie is free to bring him home. There’s no redemption for him. (I actually think this is really weakly handled in the novella despite my loving it) 

I unfortunately have less talent for talking about visual stylings, but one thing I noticed within this movie is that it’s filmed ina lot of blues and greys, underscoring the whole darker tone of the story, and I really appreciated it.  

Thank you for this fucking line, I cherished it and it’s place in the story so very fucking much: “Given my time again, I would not reduce the expenditure on timber. *long pause* Given the time again, I would not be myself.” It’s hard to get across in writing, when one is not turning their hand to it literarily, but it’s really this beautiful admission of guilt without being entirely some sobbing ridiculousness. 

HIS THING WITH HORSES GETS EXPLAINED BY THE NARRATIVE THANK YOU OH MY GOD. I was so sure this was just going to be a sidenote thing but they remembered to follow up and I was very proud in that moment. 

“Everything in life is a lesson if you care to learn” which I should have tattooed on my body as it is my exact framework of thought. 

The observation of the Crachits and just that, “no matter what, nothing sinks them” was just something I enjoyed. (and am stealing) 

I fucking loled when Ebenezer is excitedly gesturing to the Crachits after his new life, and looks at Martha and goes “whoever you are” 

What I could have done without: 

There are always MINOR nitpicks with any version, but one thing I’ll say that I considered rather major, and did not care for in the slightest, was all the dick-fucking around in the spirit realm with Marley. We could have buttoned that up right quick, and we didn’t, and there’s a huge gap in my notes where I’m just like, “Ah okay! I guess….we’re still here?” I think some of the ideas were sound but the execution was poor. 

Sometimes I felt like the writing beat me over the head with the morality of what was going on but then I read reviews of it and was like, “Ah okay, I suppose these people are why that exists” so while for me I would like a bit more subtlety I suppose I understand why sometimes there cannot be. 

IN CONCLUSION, AFTER MORE THAN 6,000 WORDS: I really quite liked this version of A Christmas Carol. It’s not a children’s version by any stretch of the imagination, but I don’t think a Christmas Carol is meant to be. I definitely will be coming back to this one, which makes it only one of a handful. It was a good recommendation for me, when I wasn’t sure I was going to watch it in the first place--there are so many versions of CC that I am still trying to get through--and I found that I really enjoyed it. 

The focus on the morality of the situation and making great pains to decouple it from the holiday itself made this a much-needed refresher of the story for me that keeps more to what I think the original was GOING for (Source: literally all of Dickens’ writing on poverty) than the way it’s been twisted by our Capitalist Christmas Culture. I loved that the women were given more to do and an equal hand in the story, and there were a number of really lovely lines that will stick with me.

[shinymisty-blog]

Puella Magi, Sonic Magika (Side Story Underground)

Yep. I told you I had a new AU in my brain.

Before we begin, things to know about the Puella Magi universe.   -A Magical Girl is made by signing a contract with a small creature called Kyubey. Without Kyubey, it wouldn’t really be Puella Magi, so I cannot remove Kyubey. -In signing the contract, the girls receive a Soul Gem, a symbol of the contract and contains their magic (Among...over things) so they can fight Witches, which are creatures that spread curses and feed off of the misery of others, hiding in their own Labyrinths and lure unexpecting humans in with their Witches' Kiss. In return for all this, the girls get any wish they ask for granted. Their wish is what determines what their magic is, for the most part.   -Using up their magic causes their Soul Gem to darken with impurity, so they need to remove the impurities with Grief Seeds, which are dropped by Witches when defeated. If not careful, The Grief Seed will hatch into a Witch. -Witches also summon Familiars to defend their labyrinth and, eventually, turn into Witches themselves. Familiars do not drop Grief Seeds. -Only young girls can turn into Magical Girls, and only those Kyubey deems worthy of it.  

In this particular Universe, a few things are changed to better fit the Madoka concepts with the Sonic world. -Instead of Magical Girls, they are Magical Mobians. Which means only Mobians are able to be granted wishes.   -The character’s powers, like Sonic’s speed, are from their Soul Gems. -The knowledge of Magical Mobians is a little more known than it is in Madoka. This doesn’t mean all Mobians are Magical, however.  

Another thing I need to bring up before I begin, I NEED to clarify again that this AU WILL contain Spoilers for the anime Puella Magi, Madoka Magica.   Plus, Puella Magi, Madoka Magica, while service level seems like your typical magical girl anime, if it was just that, I would obviously not be here making an AU of it with the Sonic Characters. The Manga adaptation of PMMM is rated for Older Teens for a reason. If you are unsure if you can handle the darker tones the series can go into, which this AU would follow the same dark tones, I suggest looking up how dark the series is and if you can handle it. You have been warned!

--Into the AU, My original idea of this AU spawned from a particular ending credit theme from the anime. Replacing the two characters of the anime (in the song) with Sleet and Dingo, who, at the time, were all I was fixated on. No Soul Gems, no Witches. Just that song and them.

But I am now older and more bored, I have put context into the idea I had back in 2016/17. This is a rough, spoiler free idea of the Sonic Underground side plot of this universe. Sleet and Dingo are, now, Magical Mobians and live in this universe where magic is present. The conflict of Underground is now that the Sonic, Manic and Sonia also have been granted a wish each and are Magical Mobians. Robotnik, who is still a human but also seems to know about Kyubey and how Magical Mobians work, is after their Soul Gems for unexplained reasons and asks for Sleet and Dingo to take receive the Soul Gems intact, being promised endless supply of Grief Seeds in working with him. This, at least, fills that gripe I, personally, had with Underground that Robotnik wanted them captured alive. In this universe, he is after their Soul Gems.  

Sleet’s wish is simple. “I wish to be regarded as the best Bounty Hunter in all of Mobius!” His wish is granted, and his weapon are different kinds of guns that he can swap out when he feels the need, though his magic is very...bad. Dingo’s wish is also pretty simple. “I wish I could be helpful to Sleet.” Because of this particular wish, he doesn’t really have a weapon. Instead, his magic is determined by what Sleet needs at that given time. Hense his ability to transform.  

The three Hedgehog’s also had made wishes. Sonic: “I wish to be able to save all of Mobius,” Manic: “I wish I could beat down Robotnik,” and Sonia “I wish I was able to find mother.” Their wishes are all granted, given them their own magic. Their powers would need to be...reworked, however. Sonic would still have his speed, being able to run around and save people, Sonia would be able to locate things, maybe through soundwaves (to keep with the music motif) and Manic would be more in strength, maybe using drum sticks as tools to beat the ground and cause damage that way.  

I bring up their wishes word by word because HOW someone asks for a wish is important. For example, Sonia could have easily asked “I wish mother was here” or “I wish I knew were mother was” and it would result in a completely different result, and requires different amount of magical energy. This is also important because of Sleet’s wish, being that he wished to be regarded as the best Bounty Hunter, and not just “to be the best Bounty Hunter.” Because of how he worded his wish, people see him as this great bounty hunter, but his skills might not be all up to snuff. In the end, it is just a label.  

Anyway, Sleet and Dingo fight the witches as they are meant to, with Sleet hording all of the Grief Seeds that are dropped and only giving Dingo use of them whenever his Soul Gem gets to dark. They leave the Familiars alone, wanting them to grow into Witches for their Grief Seeds, turning a blind eye whenever there are people in danger if it isn’t a Witch causing it. Shortly after the hedgehogs gain their wishes, Robotnik calls for the two and requests their assistance. Get their Soul Gems, and you can have all the Grief Seeds you want. Sleet is very much on board with this, as he sees the hedgehogs as competition for Grief Seeds. He is informed, though, that the Soul Gems must be intact and whole. He didn’t care for the body, just the gem.  

Events play roughly the same, though now the hedgehogs are constantly saving the civilians from Witches and Familiars alike, and quicker than Sleet and Dingo had been. All while constantly beating Sleet and Dingo in clever ways. Sleet starts getting more and more frustrated over each defeat, and is realizing first hand that his magic is far weaker than Dingo or the hedgehog’s magic. He desperately tries to hide his insecurities, but it starts to show through his Soul Gem, which is darkening much more quickly than Dingo’s ever has. After all, they aren’t fighting Witches anymore, so they aren’t getting any Grief Seeds.  

The two go to Robotnik asking for some so they can continue hunting for hedgehogs and their Soul Gems. But Robotnik declines, reminding them that the deal was for them to get the hedgehog’s Soul Gems first, then they get paid. Sleet is furious about this, but goes off to continue hunting anyways. He doesn’t quite understand just how important clearing his Soul Gem is, as he never had to deal with it getting darker in the first place. He just thinks that it is just a side effect and just makes him a little weaker.

However, Sleet and Dingo continue to fail at catching the hedgehogs, and Dingo is now noticing how much weaker Sleet has started becoming, unable to even use his own guns to fight. The three hedgehogs also take notice how dangerously dark Sleet’s Soul Gem is getting and, out of the kindness of their hearts, offer some of their Grief Seeds for the two to use. Dingo, who has more magic and his Soul Gem is stronger, hence his Soul Gem not being as Dark as Sleet’s, happily takes one of the Grief Seeds and goes to clean Sleet’s Soul Gem first, noting just how much darker Sleet’s is, but Sleet violently declines, saying that he wasn’t going to take anything from the enemy and goes to talk with Robotnik once more, growing more and more stubborn and upset.

Sleet confronts Robotnik, asking why he was withholding any of the Grief Seeds that he was promising them, as they needed them to fight the hedgehogs in the first place. Robotnik explains that there were no Grief Seeds to begin with, that he didn’t have any and had used the promise of an endless supply to win over the greed within Sleet, who only fought the Witches for their Grief Seeds to begin with.  

Sleet is furious, but is now starting to feel serious pain within his Soul Gem, causing him to question what was going on and why Robotnik needed these three Hedgehog’s Soul Gems particularly, adding that things would have been easier if they could have just shattered their Soul Gems instead. It is then that Kyubey appears, the first time since they made the contract with Sleet and Dingo, and explains to Sleet that Robotnik just wanted the hedgehog gone, as he knew what their wishes were and knew that they had the powers to overthrow him. Kyubey convinced Robotnik to hunt for their Soul Gems, specifically, because their Soul Gems contain their actual souls, and that the hedgehog’s bodies were just a husk being controlled by the souls. They mention that Sleet’s Soul Gem is also his soul, Robotnik adding that he had learned that Sleet’s soul was much smaller and weaker than any of the other Soul Gems, so he felt he was a Magical Mobian to throw at the hedgehogs, as not much would be lost if he was killed.

Sleet is very much upset over this, demanding more answers. Robotnik happily explains that the three hedgehog’s Soul Gems, when they are captured, would turn into Grief Seeds and hatch into dangerously evil Witches, which causes Sleet to become confused. “But they aren’t Witches, they are Magical Mobians. They aren’t the same things!” Kyubey explains that all Magical Mobians turn into Witches once their Soul Gems are at their limit, casually adding that Sleet’s Grief Seed was already starting to form. Sleet, panicked, looks down at his Soul gem to notice that it was breaking, and was starting to look more like a Grief Seed. He feels himself quickly spiriling into a state of dispare.  

Dingo then rushes into the room where everything is happening, and notices Sleet on his knees, holding his Soul Gem, and, in a state of panic, tries to use the Grief Seed he was given to purify his Soul Gem, only to watch in horror as it fully forms into a Grief Seed. Sleet falls, lifelessly, into Dingo’s arms and Dingo watches as Sleet’s Grief Seed start to hatch into a Witch. Robotnik leaves the room, saying aloud how Sleet’s Witch was going to be rather pathetic and easy to kill, telling Dingo that even he could deal with it himself. And that he would have to deal with it himself, as his partner was now the Witch. Dingo, still holding Sleet’s lifeless body tightly, watches as the room around him turns into Sleet’s Witch’s Labyrinth.  

Dingo is very distraught over this, watching as Sleet’s Grief Seed hatches into the Witch La Pendu. At first, he tries to fight it, but realizes that, without Sleet, he is pretty much useless, and tries to escape. However, because he is still holding Sleet, he is having serious troubles. He feels a sudden wave of guilt of his own wish failing him. He wasn’t helpful to Sleet now, quite the opposite. He had failed Sleet, and now feels he has no meaning himself. He feels himself falling into despair himself, his own Soul Gem quickly turning black. But before he lets his Soul Gem turn into a Grief Seed itself, the three Hedgehog rush in and, quite easily, defeat La Pendu, causing his labyrinth to vanish and his Grief Seed to drop. Sonia takes La Pendu’s Grief Seed and cleans Dingo’s Soul Gem with it, telling him that he was dangerously close to becoming that Witch’s dinner, and should be more careful.

While going to purify Sleet’s Soul Gem, they realize that his Soul Gem was gone and starts to question what had happened. Dingo explains to them all that had happened, and they are mortified, but vow to avenge Dingo’s partner, offering Dingo a place in their team to help avenge his friend. Dingo politely declines, saying he was only around to help Sleet. That his wish was made in dedication to help Sleet and to keep him safe.  He adds that he knows Sleet more than anyone, and know that he would be scared if he was left alone and, calmly, holds La Pendu’s Grief Seed close to his own Soul Gem, saying that it was still Sleet’s Soul Gem, and that he wasn’t going to leave him alone. He suggests to the siblings to leave, and deal with Robotnik. They are ushered away by Manic, who quietly tells them he knows what Dingo is wanting to do.  

They return a few moments later, unable to find Robotnik, seeing Dingo lying beside Sleet, holding his hand. They grow closer, unable to sense Dingo’s magic, with Manic quietly noticing that his Soul Gem was shattered in his hand, along with La Pendu’s Grief Seed. The siblings vow to avenge the two.  

Que the song that started this whole idea, “And I'm Home.”  

[cherishedkids]

a letter to kamado tanjiro || tanjiro x reader

anime: kimetsu no yaiba warning/s: angst, sad, a bit of spoilers, mentions of death and bloodshed words: 1,679 pairing/s: tanjiro kamado x reader summary: A traveller and his sister once stopped by your tea shop years ago. The memories you shared with him stayed with you even after he had to leave. This is the last and only letter you leave him.

A/N: i’m actually thinking of continuing this in tanjiro’s perspective.... but idk! i hope this letter format is understandable huhu

To my dearest traveller,

I do not mean for you to worry, but I feel that my death may be imminent. So even if you receive this letter, I doubt you have enough time to rush to the small countryside of Fujinomiya to save me. Before I leave this world, however, I still wanted to talk to you one last time, even though I know it has been years since.

If you are wondering, yes, I still am living in that shabby tea shop you visited… so many years ago. I believe it was when we were still living in the Taisho era, before the Showa era. Back when times were peaceful and we did not have to endure this… pointless war of egos. I truly hope you and your sister have stayed safe all this time. When you visited me, she was very young and cute. I hope that hasn’t changed since then.

Mt. Fuji looms before me, as the sun is slowly rising and climbing over it. The stillness of the air reminds me of my fate, and I hope you still remember me. I still do. You have left such a huge impact on me, that I almost cursed you. The stars in the night sky that are visible here remind me so much of you. When I go to burn wood for warmth during winter, I see the burning passion in your eyes staring back at me. Even when I go to hang my wet yukata, the cloth billowing in the air reminds me of your checkered haori. Everywhere I go, I could attribute to you. You just had left a mark on everything. I just wish I could see your smile one last time.

You stayed here for a few days. You told me it reminded you so much of the small village you used to visit when you still lived in the mountains, before you left to show your little sister the world. I could see the pain in your eyes when you said that, and from the scars that littered your arms, I knew how much you had to go through to be happy with her. 

Nezuko, if memory serves right, loved the hot spring behind my shop. It was her first time to bathe in one, and you asked me if I could accompany her. I did, and we had a grand time. I remember just how much I looked forward to spending more time in your company. Just the smile that you gave me was enough to satisfy me.

Through the days, more and more customers visited my little shop. I had to attend to them, of course, and the both of you did your best to help me. Even though it did lead to spilled hot tea and my dango mochi looking unformed, you still tried to help. Until now, I still do not know why my eye caught the both of you. Why did I ask you to stay for the week? And why did you ever accept? Because of this, I have been longing for you all these years. I cannot help but blame myself.

Perhaps it was because of the blade you were carrying. There were only a few samurai that were still roaming around, and I had always been curious since I was young. I think it was because you both had caused such a commotion when you arrived. Outside my tea shop, a fight was going on with a drunkard and a homeless man. But you butted in to stop it, saying that it was wrong. I exited the shop and saw the both of you, standing in the sun. When you came in, I was just so inspired that I gave you free tea and dango, which you kindly accepted.

Maybe the reason I will soon be leaving this mortal world is because of my morbid curiosity--the longing to know everything. I will try not to say much about the people who will be coming for me. I do not want any bloodshed to happen even after I die. It is my only wish and gift to the world. In their place, I will die. That way, there is less death. It is better this way.

As more days passed, you confided in me about a war that you partook in. It was different from the wars now, you explained. It was bloodier, and the trail ran longer back in the past, and blood had already dried out. For four hellish years, you had to live through it, and everyday was a struggle for you. Numerous times, you had faced death, and there were days you thought you were going to die. 

I can still remember the hurt in your eyes as you relived the countless deaths of your allies. Just the both of you surviving was a miracle, you said. When I looked at Nezuko, I wondered how such innocent eyes were able to witness death in the eyes and still held bravery to continue on.

But the warm smile you gave me when you said that you and numerous of your allies had defeated the supposed demon was enough to reassure me. When you were alone in your makeshift room that was actually a storage area, I saw you holding up a black uniform. I was passing by, and I read the words ‘destroy’ on it. Was that the uniform you had to wear while you were fighting the war? I ask, as if you’d ever actually reply. Forget that.

In exchange for the stories you told me about your life, I told you about the legends and the history of my family. I don’t know if you still remember, but I told you about my grandfather all those years ago. He was also a samurai, like you. Our bloodline was also wrought with clashing blades and untimely deaths, and I soon came to learn. Love and hate intertwine, and I realised it wasn’t just looks that parents pass on, but also conflicts and feuds. But it is too late to change that now.

That night… Do you remember? I’d hate to bring back memories that meant nothing to you, but this one did to me. Under the prying eye of the moon, and below the dirt palace of Mt. Fuji, you pressed your lips to mine. I wished a second lasted longer. I remember each and every touch. Your hand held mine dearly, and your body was hot as you took me in your arms. It had to end though, but I really thought you were going to stay. I tried pretending for the longest time that I was just dreaming. I did my best, you have to believe me. But it was all for naught. Your memory kept coming back to me, in the most mundane things. This dream turned to a nightmare. A reminder of the best thing I ever had, slipping away from my grasp.

It was a big world, and it still is, but you were on your own journey. The next day, you had to leave to show your sister the rest of Japan. To give her all the things you weren’t able to give to your other siblings. Was I a fool to listen to your hollow words that you were to return as soon as you travelled the country? Or do I just have enough faith in you to keep your word? But I already know I ended up being a fool.

I heard from the others about a counselor in Edo that looked like you. Watanabe Hitoka told me of this certain man’s striking red eyes and slicked black hair with burgundy tips. The scar on his forehead reminded him so much of the traveller that had visited here an era ago. Then I knew, I was a fool. Kamado was his last name, Watanabe recounted. I just hope that I left an impact on you, the same way you left sorrow on my soul when I heard this. Even so, you were able to make me happy, even if it only lasted a couple of days, and even if the pain still stayed and stung me for years to come.

My tea shop is the only familiar thing in my street. The buildings have been through everything, and as time goes by, so do the inhabitants. The young people that used to eat and drink here already have their own family, some have died, and some have been born. I think I am the only one refusing to yield to time. So much so that it has caught up to me, in the form of my ancestor’s debts.

Travellers like you have also stopped by here numerous times. Their tales and legends could never hold a candle to yours, but the ones about war never cease to surprise me. Just how harsh was the battlefield? Were you also caught up in the political hell that is Edo at the moment? I hope not. I’d hate to see you be eaten up by greed and power. I know your sweet soul would never yield, but what did I know? A few weeks together and I knew who you were? Impossible. The men disappear, but the cherry blossoms continue to grow and bloom. These were the only constants in my life. Tea, dango, cherry blossoms. 

I still hope that you returned. Maybe I would not be so miserable, but family came first, I understand that. I confess, I still am holding out a bit of yearning that you’d show up and save me from the hot water I suddenly find myself in. But that only happens in tales, stories like you told me. And I didn’t live in one.

I hope to see you soon, Kamado Tanjiro. Even if it is just in my dreams. But if we end up seeing each other in the afterlife, I hope that I still have to wait a long time before that.

Yours forever,

______ ____

[insomniacowl]

Doing philosophy with Fullmetal Alchemist (FMA), and Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (FMAB)2: Conversation between structuralism and post-structuralism.

Abstract

This essay aims to compare how the idea of the “Principle of equivalent exchange (PoEE)” is explored and framed between the two series Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist brotherhood (2009). The 2003 anime series will be referred to as FMA, while the 2009’s brotherhood series will be referred to as FMAB.

 FMA animation series that aired in 2003 is very different from FMAB. FMAB is a closer adaptation of the source material.

 For the uninitiated, take this as a spoiler warning. But to give it a try because it is still one of the best Shonen anime out there.

 Introduction

The aim of this comparative essay is not to say which is better. I believe that both have unique qualities that make them great in their own right. The bleak atmosphere of FMA contrasted with the upbeat Shonen element of FMAB are not two things that can be compared side by side in their entirety. However, there are constitutive materials that lie under what is needed to tell a story such as character development, world-building, and symbolism. This analysis compares how the idea of “Principle of equivalent exchange) (PoEE) is explored, and developed through the characters, mainly Edward, but also of Alphonse, “Father”, and other supporting characters. This essay argues that FMA takes a structuralist view, while FMAB takes on a post-structuralist one.

 Problem of PoEE

In both series, Alchemy is explored and defined as a tool of oppression by the Amestris state. They are incorporated into the military to serve as machines of mass destruction in times of warfare. This is hammer home repeatedly throughout the series, with state alchemists being called the “dogs of the state” and being dealt with weary, or hostility by many non-alchemists.

The institutionalization of Alchemy into the military war machine can be seen to parallel the enclosure movement of our world. The object that once existed for the use by the community, being fenced off and appropriated to benefit the rich capitalists. This creates resentment, and negative externalities, such as the forest being cut down and the land being used for mining in our world, or alchemy being used for military purposes in an authoritarian state.

 The reasoning given for the enclosure movement, that denies access to the land once used by the community is that it will result in the depletion of resources if everyone is allowed to use the resource as they wish, and thus it should be incorporated in the rational capitalistic logic. This idea is contradictory, as it comes from the capitalist logic that comes from the mind of the rich, who assume that their greed is natural and universal, while ignores how the commons were used by the community for centuries without depletion. This capitalist logic resulted in the destruction of the land and the livelihoods of those who needed to live off said land.

 The idea of institutionalization of what was once a common property, with their own implicit cultural rules attached, being appropriated by a destructive social system and destroying lives, is well displayed in the two series as well. There is the already mentioned use of alchemists in war, but I would like to focus on the scene that is going to be always talked about if one talks about FMA, Nina and Alexander.

 The transfusing of Nina and Alexander, or even Nina’s mother with an unmentioned animal by Shou Tucker, in his effort to become a state alchemist suggests several things. First, the institutionalization of the commons into a destructive social system compels those living in the system to disregard the wellbeing of others, and care only for themselves. Second, it shows that Alchemy may have more laws attached to it then is discussed in the story. I say this since Dr.Marco when he practiced medicinal Alchemy to heal people, the people in the town did not think of it as Alchemy, pointing to the fact that Marco did not discuss this to anyone, and that the majority of people in the state of Amestris does not know what Alchemy looks like (a similar argument can be made of the people in the town of Riol, and Father Cornelo in the first two episodes). Izumi who is highly skilled is not seen using her Alchemy to earn a living or help people around her, and the vast majority of people do not perform Alchemy, even though it was something (even if the bothers are described as geniuses), the Elric brothers were able to master before the age of twelve. Thus, we can say that there are likely rules in place to prevent people from attempting to hone their skill in Alchemy; gatekeeping it thus there are very few opportunities for Alchemists to earn a living with their skills, even if it means sacrificing their humanity as Tucker did. This allows us to draw parallels with our world where people who were chased out of the common land, moved into urban cities to work in factory lines, being exploited and separate from their species-being. 

 Using this framing, let's dissect how Nina’s death influences the character growth of Edward with his iconic line of “We are neither god nor devils. But just mere humans”. In both series up to the very end, this haunts brothers. But there is a difference in how it is shown and explored.

 In FMA (2003)

The incident with Nina is a traumatic experience for Edward in the 2003 FMA series. Even up to the final sequence, where Edward is thrown to the other world, he repeats the iconic line. Yet here, he digs into the idea of PoEE as a theory that needs to be further explored to uncover it in a true form; he believes that by viewing the Alchemy as a language to convey meanings across, is not yet perfect, but is something that can reach perfection with effort.

 The idea of thinking PoEE as a concrete rule set in stone is present in the world-building of FMA. One example is Alphonse losing his memory of his journey with Edward in the final episode, which is regained when he travels across the ‘gate’ leaving his old world and power of Alchemy behind. Thus one thing is directly exchangeable with the other and it is the job of the Alchemist to codify into language what is the value attached to each object of trade. This idea that there is a monolithic book of law that can be interpreted and codified into one single set of ideas and beliefs is the basic understanding of structuralism. Therefore, we can see that the idea, that by paying a certain price, even the dead can be brought back to life reminds us of how the lives of people under capitalism are robbed of their qualitative values and are distilled down to quantifiable that can be exchanged, losing their humanity in the process.

 The belief in the PoEE as the only form of knowledge results in greater hardship, and both Edward and Alphonse cooperate with Shou Tucker at one point or another due to it. When the brothers are made aware of Tucker’s effort of bringing Nina back to life, they help Tucker in this. But not only their attempt at helping tucker but thinking of this with the character of Sloth shows how the idea of PoEE can be problematic. The two brothers’ failure to bring Trisha Elric, their mother back to life resulted in the loss of their body/ limbs and serves as a reminder of their mistake in breaking the law of Alchemy. While in FMAB, learning that what they transmutated was not their mother happens early in the narrative, thus the understanding that the dead cannot come back to life brings the brother into a better path. However, in FMA, their human transmutation resulted in the creation of a Homunculus that looked exactly like their mother that carries with her pieces of Trisha’s memories. This difference is one of the reasons why the brothers assist Tucker’s effort in bringing Nina back to life and believing that modifying their understanding of Alchemy, yet relying solely on it; thinking of using Alchemy blindly to solve the problem that the very Alchemy brought about, without the consideration of how it may create further problems.

 In FMAB

In FMAB, it is Nina’s death is again a source of despair for the relevant characters, yet it also serves as a motivator. Even up to the final episode, they cite the reason for continuing their travel, Edward westward, and Alphonse to the east, to gain knowledge of other forms of practicing understanding-deconstructing-reconstructing outside of Alchemy. This motivation is made possible due to the brothers’ journey throughout the series, interacting with various characters from outside of the general Amestrian race, such as Ishvalians and those from Xing. They further cooperated with these groups and fought to save the people of Amestris, making use of the multiple systems of understanding outside of Alchemy.

 The theme that different forms of understanding being co-utilized to fulfil societal goals as being a more useful lens of understanding the world is further elaborated in the darkest hour of the fight with “Father” (I’ll refer to him as Dwarf in Flask (DiF) from here on) when Ed’s automail was destroyed, Alphonse’s body shattered, and everyone knocked out. It is with the help of May’s Alchahestry, along with Alphonse’s Alchemy that allows remote transmutation of Edward’s arm. Even if PoEE was in effect as Alphonse’s soul was taken in exchange, without May’s Alchahestry, Edwards’ body would have been stolen by DiF and it would have let to a very different and bleak ending. This co-utilization of theories of Alchemy and Alchahestry in cooperative ways to supplement where the other lacks and creates problems, and vice-versa, creating a complex and cooperative system of knowledge is a way to understand post-structuralism, that we can never reach a full understanding of anything by using one way of studying the text, but having a diverse way of analysis that results in the play of interpretation can bring about a more comprehensive understanding of the object, and therefore improve the society as a whole.

 In his conversation with Gracia in the final episode, Alphonse cites the motivation of travel as, to prevent further atrocities that happened to Nina from happening, and posits his hypothesis of what I will name “compounding compassion”, something that is summarised as “pay the kindness you received forward with a little bit of your kindness added on top of it”. Or perhaps, the kindness Hughes showed the brothers, Hohenhime‘s offer to exchange his life for Al’s, or Winry’s reply to Edward’s demand of exchanging half of each other’s lives already show that even without having to go far, we can see that PoEE is not enough to explain every observation made. Al’s hypothesis is something I believe that can be practiced even in our world, and that deep down, we all want to celebrate such act of kindness. A community we can trust to support us and that we desire to support as well; one that can be joined by yielding one’s tool of oppression, as Edward did with his “Gate”. This, I believe is the message Arakawa Hiromu wants to convey to us.

 Conclusion

We can see that FMA and FMAB tell the different message and can be used to think of the influence of structuralism and post-structuralism, in terms of having certain knowledge systems. Although I do not believe such comparison was meant to be drawn by anyone who had a hand in the creation of the series, having such case studies is an enjoyable mental exercise to perform. tl;dr Both are great series. I did some philosophy. GO WATCH THE SERIES!!