#i wish i could say that this was the first time i'd expressed potential concerns to a doctor based on research i'd done

[tsvai]

.

so - a pattern has started to re-emerge, and that pattern looks a lot like my old fuckin two-months-apart period (which was apparently an early sign that i didn't recognize for years, of the problem that we're supposed to be trying to solve right now). i didn't really realize it until this month, but approximately two months apart for the last three or four months, i have a spike in increased pain severity and bleeding that's... possibly a period, or an attempt at one.

so like. not only is this fucking iud causing me debilitating pain and continual spotting almost every other day (or sometimes every day) for the last eight fucking months, but it's probably not even stopping or normalizing my cycle, which was the whole original point. 🙃🔪🙃🔪🙃🔪🙃

[unbiddenrhythm]

Stealing Spree at Sorcerous Sundries

Summary:

"You want to sneak in to steal the book? With me?" "That's correct." "A stealing spree." Gale spoke methodically. "From the Sorcerous Sundries." "Think of it as a date," she dared to say.

Relationship: Gale/Tav (Baldur's Gate)

Characters: Gale (Baldur's Gate), Tav (Baldur's Gate)

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Sneaking, Making Out While On Mission, Gale's bad knees

Language: English

Words: 1,237

Their first trip to Sorcerous Sundries proved Gale correct—the store stood as a site of the requisite knowledge about the crown they had encountered atop the Brain. 

Yet the exact book that would illuminate their inquiries remained still out of reach, and now Tav pondered anew how they might obtain it without being caught... 

One path emerged in her mind, brighter than the rest. Still, even as she settled upon it, she knew Gale would not be keen. 

~~~

"You want to sneak in to steal the book? With me?"  

"That's correct." 

"A stealing spree." Gale spoke methodically. "From the Sorcerous Sundries."  

"It's our best and possibly only course of action." 

"My knees will disagree with you on that point, I'm afraid." 

"Would you prefer your knees, or Astarion's?" 

Gale's expression soured. "And you're telling me he otherwise wouldn't be invited?"  

"This primarily concerns us, doesn't it? We'll handle it ourselves."  

He clearly did not expect her bold proposal. The embittered lines etched in his face eased into softer expression as defensiveness melted away.  

"Alone?" 

"Think of it as a date," she dared to say. "If you wish," she added hurriedly. 

Oh, how even the faintest smile creeping across his chiseled face made her knees quiver. 

"I'd enjoy that very much." 

~~~

"Perhaps I overstated how much I would enjoy this," Gale groaned no louder than a whisper as he crouched against the wall—and her. "Not that I don't enjoy your company, of course, but, my knees."  

"I'll start calling you 'Elminster', old man," Tav rolled her eyes at his dramatics as she plotted her next sneaking move. With teasing intention, she brushed frontally against Gale as she headed toward the vault door, quite enjoying how he shivered beneath her before she shuffled forward. 

He crept close behind. Tav couldn't lie—she reveled in the warmth of his body pressed near hers, the way his voice hitched when he whispered close in her ear.  

"No honor among sneaks," he muttered. As if she cared, with his hot breath fanned against her neck. 

"Steady now. Almost there," she shushed back as much to herself as him. Motioning him to follow she ducked low to pick the lock of the vault. 

As he knelt beside her, a loud POP in Gale's knee broke the silence of the store. 

She slapped her hand to her mouth and exhaled sharp out of her nose to stall her shriek of laughter. Gale rubbed the offending noisy knee, cheeks red. As she calmed herself, Tav placed a playful shushing finger on her pursed lips. 

"Wizards are not cut out for this sort of robe-dirtying work. We could have used an invisibility spell." As he said this, his mouth grazed against the tip of her ear. "Still can, in fact," he grumbled, voice low, and a sweet aching swelled deep between Tav's legs as she fumbled with the lock. 

"And miss out on this fun, quality time spent together?" She turned her head to venture to caress her nose against the tip of his, lips barely brushing against his.  

"You're going to be the death of me."  

"Don't mistake me for your goddess, now." The words spilled from her lips before she realized their careless potential. She froze in horror.  

Silence hung, draped over the myriad of words unsaid. Her stomach roiled, the need to pull away from him and hide in shame rising with the taste of bile. Yet she could not pull back, for his large hands now gripped her arms, locking him to her chest, pressed heart-to-heart, eyes solemn. 

"I could never," his lips hovered a hair's breadth from hers, "I stood at the precipice and chose you, after all." 

He kissed her, drawing all air from her lungs and all sight from her eyes. She knew only the electric rush of her body and the raging, pleasurable storm he conjured deep within her.  

Eternity seemed to pass before they broke apart, Tav's gasps for air breaking the silence of the room. In hasty motion Gale covered her mouth with his palm to silence her.  

"Keep quiet, now, my love." 

She nodded exaggeratedly, enjoying the press of his palm on her face, before she pried herself from him and further into the vault. 

Carefully they crept, door after door, cautious not to disturb any traps that doubtlessly awaited anyone who dared attempt their current course of action.  

Then Tav saw it: The Annals of Karsus. She met Gale's gaze and with a slender finger pointed to the tome sitting on the pedestal across the room. 

Gale's eyes widened with eager attention.  

With a steadying breath, she marched forward to take up the book. Even as she touched the leather cover, she could feel it thrum with knowledge—power. What wonders awaited inside its pages?  

Gale stood beside her now, and Tav drank in the sight of the childlike curiosity coloring his eyes, how his entire being brightened as he flipped the book open. 

"This...this is...there are no words, really, to do it justice—"

"This is what we need, then? To understand and defeat the brain?" 

"And so much more," he growled with excitement. "Let's return to camp at once. This sort of tome requires much more intimate surrounds to enjoy." 

"Perhaps including a glass of wine beside a lovely campfire?" She leaned forward to stroke the tip of her nose against his before kissing him.  

"We just won't mention it to Tara. No need to make her jealous." With one quick final kiss he placed The Annals of Karsus back into her waiting palms. 

Prize in hand, she examined it once more, her fingers tracing the worn leather binding. From the back of her mind she could feel the tadpole writhe. She ignored it. 

Finally looking up, she saw Gale had gone. Her heart dropped— Where—?! 

A whispered incantation reached her ears, and she felt a rush of magic wash over her body. Glancing down she saw the book no longer in her hands—indeed, her hands themselves vanished, and her body. The realization then struck. Now that they'd taken their treasure, her wizard would take no further chances with her teasing antics.  

She could practically taste his anticipation as his hand groped to find her invisible wrist and pull her along hastily out of the Sorcerous Sundries. 

Outside and a safe distance away, Gale chuckled as he lifted the veil of invisibility. "My knees would have much preferred that course of action from the start." 

"And I shall never question the wisdom or volume of your knees ever again," she cackled at the memory. "Oh Gale, I'm never going to let you live that down!" 

"Only on the condition that you never ask me to do such an undignified task again." 

"Given your knees' propensity for noise, I can assure you I never will. That said, I am nothing if not a fair and gracious leader," and with a flourish Tav produced The Annals of Karsus.  

"That you are. Despite your questionable methods you've nevertheless once again proven yourself fully. Now then..." In his eyes, a hungry gleam appeared.  

"Eager to read?" She asked. 

"I'm quite eager, but there's time for that yet." he said, placing the book in his bag. 

Then, he took her into his arms and kissed her roughly, his hands roaming, his mouth ravenous.  

"We've a few...other matters of importance to attend, first."

[rmu-vincent]

Hi there! Reptile question anon here :)

Sorry I didn't give much detail, I must've gotten quite nervous since it was my first time sending and ask. Again, I apologize!

To make things a bit clearer, what do you think of chameleons specifically? I myself have a very big fascination with them; I love researching about their habits and different variations on my spare time. It's hard to pick a favourite, but if I had to, I'd say that the Jackson's Chameleon takes the spot for me, simply because of their horns and the fact that they were the first species of chameleon I started researching.

I've been surprised by the amount of people that consider them "ugly". In my opinion, you can't really judge an animal based on a standard made by humans, since it'll probably be unjust to animals like reptiles, which have been victims to comments regarding their appearance, at least within my circle. Besides, each animal is beautiful on their own way, even if they're considered "ugly" by most.

Sorry for the long message! I hope it doesn't bother you.

I hope your studies are going well, and that you have a very nice week! Also, tell Victor I said hi!

-🦎

Dear Mx Gray,

There is no need to apologise for being invested in a topic of interest to the point of omitting some norms and etiquette; as I mentioned, being curious is an amazing trait that should be praised and encouraged.

Out of all the reptiles, chameleons must have the most consistent symbolism across different cultures: they embody change. The obvious example would be their ability to blend into their surroundings, to adapt, to become whatever the situation calls for. People tend to have diametrically opposite perceptions of this trait, as some are jealous of chameleons' versatility and mastery of fitting in, while others deem these reptiles and those who share the same skills untrustworthy liars.

Of course, this is not the only quality that could be assigned to chameleons. Despite their swift adjustments to the environment, chameleons are quite independent and emotional. As far as I am concerned, their colour can change because of feelings of fear or satisfaction, and some even use their skills to impress their potential partners. Moreover, they are very observant creatures, being able to move their eyes independently and in different directions.

There is no reason to divide animals into categories based on any trait, not to mention coming up with "ugly" and "pretty" groups of animals. My opinion on chameleons could be expressed through the concept of admiration, and I would definitely consider their brilliance inspiring.

Thank you for your message and kind words. I wish you luck in your pursuit of reptile knowledge.

Best regards,

Vincent Edgeworth

[soldierofashedevil]

GOTHAM

It's the first word that shows itself on my phone screen in bold lettering. I slowly looked up.. The city skyline looms in the far distance; and it proves to be harrowing. It's the weight of existence, and the burden of choices: of who to be, or what side to choose. From what I can recall, emergency services existed, but they all fell short by comparison to Batman. Concepts such as justice and evil reign supreme; and a democracy of people with powers and choices can co-exist. What did I wish to be in my other world? I watch cars go by me in blurs. The smell of gasoline, the asphalt beneath my shoes: they keep me moving. Repetition turning into a motion of necessity, no matter the blistering that may have occurred from how much I'd done it. I didn't have time to nurse wounds. Everything up until now felt like a blur, like some dream I can't remember. I hold out my thumb, as if it were something I'd done a thousand times before.

It wasn't. It was risky, and it was stupid. My heart pounded so loud in my ears, my consciousness was competing for its attention. I had to stay focused, I had to keep moving…but to where? Bruce Wayne? I nearly stopped my stride at the thought of it. Part of me wanted to argue that it was a bad idea, but maybe it's the only idea. How can you start a life when you don't exist? It's never stopped me from trying. But, the rules have changed: A world where villains and heroes exist, and death isn't inevitable.

“Stop..just..stop.”

There's no choice, The relentless voice in my ear persisted, You have to see Bruce Wayne. He's the only one that can help you. But how on Earth are you going to get him to believe you?

I felt tears pricking at my eyes, how dare they vy for my attention? Time is moving to a crawl, and the longer that I’m out here, the more my nerves start becoming a struggle to maintain. What if a car didn’t come? What then? Or what if- My thoughts slow when I hear the old rumblings of an engine approaching me at an agonizing creek. My whole body tensed, but as the vehicle creaked closer, I saw an old and battered car with no roof, a driver who was an aged farmer, a man that works in the sun day in and day out. Often, farmers valued tradition and familial values, I only hoped that this would turn in my favor.

"Where you headed, miss?”

“Gotham..sir.” I'm sure he was evaluating me, studying if he should let a stranger into his car.

But, I watched his gaze shift into a semblance of concern when he spoke again, "Gotham..eh? Can I ask why?"

“Because…I have a very special problem that only Batman can solve.” I spoke it with confidence I didn't have, but I was desperate to keep up the facade. Every second felt like an emergency, Gotham City was Pandora's Box.. and I was desperate for certainty.

The farmer’s eyes went from a concerned look to a quizzical expression. He seemed to wonder how serious I was. He let out a laugh as if it were the funniest thing in the world. He looked at me, a slow smile stretching across his aged face, and the amount of disbelief that crossed him made my heart pound. “You’re serious?” he chuckled. “You really think Batman would listen to you? No offense miss, but are you insane?”

I felt my stomach drop with dread. Not only did I realize that I really was in Gotham, but this stranger was a potential danger I didn't realize until too late.

I did everything I could to stay calm, but I felt my fear rising, goosebumps littering down my arms.. just saying Batman’s name might have put me in a danger I couldn't get out of. But, if I broke down from the pressure, he'd be asking me more questions that I wouldn't have answers for. I slowly forced a smile, fighting past my primal urge for panic. “Ha. Ha.” I said, forcing myself to gently place a hand on his arm. “I just ..had to test your buttons.”

The farmer chuckled and gave me a warm smile. “Eh kid, ya sure fooled me there.” He glanced at me, his eyes taking in my appearance, “I like ya. You got courage, eh…what’s yer name?”

“Malum.” I say softly, with just the right touch of a polite smile. “Call me Mal.”

—

I moved to sit in the passenger seat, with my heart racing. I watched him shift the vehicle into the third gear, and then to fifth.. When I look up at his rearview mirror, I see a photo dangling from it, him, surrounded by family with a proud grin. “You’re a family man.” I say fondly.

I heard a hearty rumbling of laughter.. I watched his gaze briefly look towards the photo that he hung up, with a smile spreading across his face. "That I am," he confirmed. “Got three kids and six grandkids. They keep me young, even when my bones feel like they're tellin’ a different story." He expertly maneuvered the vehicle, merging onto the main road that led into Gotham. "Gotham's a tough place for a young lady like you."

“I like to think I have a tough way of thinking.” I say, adjusting the fabric of my blouse. If I was in Gotham City, then, that also meant that some of my phone calls won’t go through. Hell, my phone number probably didn't work.

The old farmer chuckled once more, casting another glance in my direction. "Ah, confidence is a fine thing.” he replied, his accent thicker than ever. “But there's tough, and then there's Gotham tough.” He focused back on the road before continuing. "This city ain't like other places. It's got a unique rhythm, a dark pulse. You best be careful who you trust around here."

I opened my mouth to speak, casting him a nervous glance. “What do they call you?”

"Name’s Forest Graham, but most folks ‘round here call me ‘Old Man Graham.'" His eyes flicked between me and the road, a hint of pride in his voice. "Been growing crops out here in the countryside for nearly thirty years now. Longer than my kids have been alive."

"Thirty years, huh..." I echoed thoughtfully, my gaze drifting over the landscape. As the wind brushed through my waves of pink blonde, I realized that the stakes of Gotham City were real, but along with fear came an itch for my ambition. There was so much I could reach for, and the possibilities that stretched on excited me in the very same essence that they terrified me.

"Look, it might not be my place to say, but... Gotham City ain't a place for a young lady to be wandering about alone. You got somewhere safe to stay?"

“Haven’t thought that far ahead yet.” I said, my gaze never tearing away from my destination. I was too busy strategizing, and his concern, although appreciated: had interrupted my process. I cast a quick glance to him, before returning my gaze to the city. I had until nightfall, and if I could make do with the daylight that I have now, It'd be somewhat safer to traverse by foot. I already assumed that I had no money, no wallet. Trusting another stranger, other than Graham, came with its own set of risks that I didn't want to gamble.

Old Man Graham nodded, the vehicle rumbling beneath us. His calloused hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, the wrinkles around his eyes deepening with concern."That ain't good," he said bluntly, his voice holding a soft yet firm edge. "You're a stranger here, in a city that ain't too keen on strangers, especially young ladies walking alone. It's the kinda place that...well, it has its own set of challenges." He shot me a sidelong glance. "You got someone you know in Gotham? Someone who can look out for you?"

I looked at him, judging by his questions, and his concern, I shook my head. “No. My plan was to make it, see if someone can point me in the right direction..Some place like WayneTech.”

Old Man Graham raised a brow, his gaze flicking from the road back to me. He looked skeptical. "WayneTech, huh?" he repeated slowly. "That’s a big, corporate entity. You reckon you’ll just be able to waltz in and ask for directions?" His weathered face hardened, his eyes reflecting the wisdom of years spent under the sun. "And what happens when night falls, and the streets ain’t safe for a young lady alone?"

“What else is there *to* do?” I asked rhetorically. “Survive until daylight..then try again.” I said, unable to hide the conviction in my tone. I was afraid, but I refused to be paralyzed by it.

"There's a whole lot of dangerous folks in Gotham, kiddo. It ain’t gonna be that simple. You got a plan? Or are you just counting on plain ol’ luck to get you through this alive?”

“You’ve not met me before, but this *IS* me we’re talking about here. I always have a plan,and if I don’t,I promise I'll make one.”

His stern look softened considerably, his expression becoming almost fatherly. He took his eyes off the road for just a moment."You sure do have conviction, I’ll give you that," he said with an amused grunt. His rough, calloused fingers tapped a steady rhythm against the wheel. "Still, even the best plans can go sideways in Gotham.”

—-

The car rolled into Gotham City, and I could scarcely believe the giant structures surrounding me. The city was alive, and bustling, and the longer I spent in Graham’s car, the more I started to realize the actual danger of it. For a moment, I was frozen from the realization,my hand lingering by the door frame.

“I won’t stop you from tryin,” Old Man Graham spoke softly, and I held my breath as he reached for an old receipt in the compartment, and picked up a pencil. I watched him carefully write down a series of numbers, and then his name. “You find a phone, and you call this number.” He said, before handing it to me. “You tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you.”

This stranger..would do something like that for me? He seemed genuine, someone who cared; but, I was still in disbelief nonetheless. “You’d…you’d do that for me?”

Old Man Graham chuckled, his wrinkled face shifting into a small, amused smile. "It ain’t much, just some old geezer who grew too fond of a lost girl," he joked softly. His eyes met mine, the concern there evident. "This city isn’t kind to strangers. And you’re a pretty young lady, ain’t you? You might be a tough one, but sometimes being smart about things is better." He took one last look at me, his gaze lingering for a moment before he continued. "Promise me you’ll be smart."

“I’ll be smart.”

I took one last look at him, before I stepped out of the vehicle and shut the door.

–

((End of Chapter One

P.S- decided to make a fanfic out of Batfleck, using Batman vs Superman.))

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

The Invitation | Bucky Barnes x Reader

Happy November, friends! I don't have much to say for this one-just that I wish Bucky would be my Thanksgiving date.

Please feel free to send me messages with comments, questions, concerns, and/or suggestions!

Thanks so much for reading! :)

-Hope

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

The front door of your apartment opened and you heard the sound of Bucky's combat boots clattering to the floor. Within moments, he was in your shared bedroom looking exhausted from his long day of weapons training. He dropped his duffel bag and strode across the room toward you, looking desperate for the comfort of your touch. His huge arms wrapped you tightly in a hug and he kissed the top of your head. "Hey, baby," he whispered against your hair. Your arms automatically reached up and snaked themselves around his neck-it was muscle memory at this point. "Hey, Sarge", you teased.

He met your lips with his and gave you an "I missed you" type of kiss-deep, hungry. Pulling away, he studied your face; he wanted to take in every beautiful detail after the tough day he’d had. He cocked his head to the side, noticing that your usually bright eyes were pensive and distracted, hinting at something beneath the surface. "Are you okay? What's going on in there?" Bucky asked as he playfully tapped your forehead. You unwound yourself from his arms and sat before him on the bed, preparing to have a potentially awkward conversation with him.

"It's not a big deal," you began. "It's just my mom. She keeps asking me whether or not I'm coming home for Thanksgiving this year and-she's been asking about you coming, too. And I just don't know if that's the best idea…" Bucky's expression fell, and a wounded look crossed his handsome features. His disappointment clouded his eyes for just a moment before he replaced it with a fake smile, something he’d gotten frighteningly good at doing. "That's okay, sweets. I get it. I know I'm not really built for family holidays".

"Wait- no, no, no, no, no!" you exclaimed as you reached for Bucky's hand and entangled your fingers with his. "Buck, I want you to come. I'd love that. I'm just...nervous." He plopped down on the bed next to you, dejected. "Makes sense," he stated with a sad smile. "You told them, right? They know about me? They know...everything?" His eyes always darkened when he spoke about his years as the Winter Soldier, and they were darkening quickly now.

Nodding, you placed a hand gently on his back and traced small circles over his spine. "I told them. They know what Hydra did to you and-" he cut you off. "They know what I did?" he asked quietly. You looked into his stormy eyes and moved your hand to the side of his face, stroking his stubble. "They know what the Winter Soldier did. They know what you were forced to do".

He was quiet for a moment and then nodded, breathing out a small sigh as he did. "Well, I know I'm not the most normal person you could bring home," he said gesturing to his vibranium arm, “so if you think it’s not a good idea…”Grabbing his metallic hand, you kissed his cold palm a few times. "Believe me, Buck. It's not you I'm worried about. It's my family. They can be...a lot. My sister is so fucking nosy and-oh my god, my grandma! She has no filter. And my-"

A gentle brush of Bucky's lips against yours silenced your nervous tangent. "Babe, it's okay. If it's going to cause you too much stress, then I won't go. And if you want me there, I will be. I just want you to be comfortable". You took in a deep breath, mulling over the pros and cons of Bucky's presence at Thanksgiving. "But what if-what if someone says something rude to you? And then you never want to see me again?" you murmured.

Bucky wound a strong arm around your back, pulling you close. "First of all, nothing could ever make me feel that way. You are stuck with me forever," he said with a wink. "And second of all: I fought literal Nazis, babe. I was captured, tortured, experimented on....I've been shot, stabbed, AND had my arm ripped off. I promise I'll survive Thanksgiving dinner".

You nuzzled closer into his side and took in a deep breath, filling your lungs with his cedarwood-like scent. "Well then, Sargeant Barnes," you said adjusting a little so that you were face to face with him. "Would you like to be my date to what is surely to be an awkward Thanksgiving dinner?" He rolled his eyes playfully at you shook his head with a laugh. "I'd be honored," he murmured as he pulled you in for another hungry kiss.

[casasupernovas]

Fast forward after Lazarus' transformation and first kill, we are back with the Jones'. Francine pulls Tish aside and begins to question who Martha's new friend is. "The way she followed him." Now you can argue that Francine's concern is a bit over the top, but it's clear that Francine knows her daughter well and knows if something is amiss. And it is. Tish comes to her defence and Leo doesn't seem to share Francine's concern either. But Francine's worry is clear - "she's not a Doctor yet. Never will be if she doesn't stay focused." This new stranger maybe hampering Martha's journey.

Leo interjects and says "so she's found a bloke so what?" Francine's responds by saying she just knows something else is going on behind the scenes and again, we know she is not wrong. Now, I think you can argue that we aren't given enough reason for Francine to be so concerned - it's one thing for her to disapprove of a potential boyfriend, it's quite another for Francine to think something nefarious is going on. I think maybe if Martha had followed the Doctor over to the controls whilst the machine began to overload, then Francine's concern may have been more valid, or if she had overheard the conversation with Dr Lazarus. I think we just needed a bit more.

Martha's family is not as fully established as Rose or Donna's. Most of Series 1's episodes build all around Rose's life. 'Rose', the 'Aliens of London' two parter, 'Father's Day', 'Boom Town' and 'The Parting of Ways'. For Donna, we see 'The Runaway Bride', 'Partners In Crime', 'The Sontaran Strategem' two parter, 'Turn Left', 'The Stolen Earth' and 'The End of Time' two parter. All of these episodes include either family or relationships close to the characters that serve to world build and help the audience understand who they are. The Jones only get 'Smith and Jones', 'The Lazarus Experiment', 'The Sound of Drums' and 'Last of the Timelords' for her season, and a brief cameo in 'The Stolen Earth'. I know Reggie Yates became unavailable for filming but Leo Jones is not the only member of the Jones' family. I really wish we got more because what we have already established is interesting enough. Leiticia, the eldest, the highflyer, very confident, a tad shallow. Leo, the youngest, already with his own family all before turning 21. Francine, the matriarch. I'd like to point out all the Jones' have a Londoner accent. It's not particularly cockney or 'working class' like Rose, but it's not posh. Francine however, does sound very posh and RP. That's a pretty good indicator into what sort of woman she is like also. She clearly thinks very highly of her family and wants the best. She also cares about keeping up appearances as expressed in the very episode when she wished for her ex husband not to bring along his 'trophy girlfriend' to Leo's party. Clive Jones who we have only seen twice is also apparently either very well off or squandering his money on his new girlfriend, as shown in the shiny new car, paying for Leo's birthday party and taking Annalise shopping. A mid-life crisis. These are some pretty good foundations, and it's a shame it never really gets built upon.

Anyway, Dr Lazaruz entices Leticia upstairs, something she later said she only went through because "if it could work for Catherine Zeta Jones..." and I...okay girl. Lmao. Tish is apparently no above using...'unscrupulous' methods to get ahead, the Doctor and Martha find the corpse of Lady Thorne and realise that Lazarus could attack someone else and leave downstairs whilst Tish and Lazarus come upstairs. We get another Master reference as Tish said she had no experience in PR but the interview panel thought she had 'all the necessary attributes; this is clearly deliberate.

The Doctor and Martha decide to go upstairs again after being informed by Leo that Leticia has gone upstairs with Dr Lazarus. Francine tries to speak to the Doctor but the Doctor immediately races upstairs causing her to spill her drink. When a mysterious man speaks to her, she is obviously very irate about him, speaking tightly in reference to Martha's new 'friend', and the mystery man says she ought to choose her friends more wisely, successfully planted a seed of dissent.

Up on the roof we get a world weary Doctor reiterating to Lazarus the value of the human capacity for life, and we get another snippet into the world of Martha Jones, when Leticia asserts that Martha always finds faults with men Leticia finds herself involved with, insinuating that this is a regular occurance for Leticia and a normal thing for Martha to do. But seeing how Tish acts towards Lazarus, I think it's fair to assume that Martha more often is right than wrong in this regard. Now why all three try to use the lift instead of the stairs is beyond me but they get downstairs anyway after the building goes into lockdown. (Shudder)

Now. Here I think is a good example for Francine's concern. The Doctor running to the chamber and tossing the sonic to Martha, instructing her to use setting 54. It's very command and follow, and he takes charge after telling the hall they are all in danger. "The way she followed him." This is practical and needed for them both to do, but it would be concerning for an outsider, especially Francine. Your medical student daughter is suddenly in the midst of danger, following orders from a complete stranger, and it comes naturally, like she's done it before. What's going on? Lazarus attacks and his tail (stinger?) causes a table to crash into Leo's head, and Martha, her mum and Leo get away after the Doctor lures Lazarus away from attacking Francine and Leo and gets him to chase him. Martha shows her Doctorness, by checking over Leo, his eyes, gets ice, deduces he's (mildy) concussed and leads the charge instructing them all to get out of the building after telling Tish the Doctor is buying them time. At the bottom of the building everyone is still stuck inside (I'm getting Children of Earth vibes) and Martha deduces that there must be an override switch to get everyone out. She gets to the desk and uses the sonic which opens the doors.

As everyone leaves however, Martha knows she has to stay and help the Doctor despite the danger. Francine protests after saying it could get Martha killed but Martha says she doesn't care and she has to go. Francine asserts that the Doctor is the reason she wishes to return, however, I would argue that Martha demonstrates in 'Smith and Jones' that she would always help in a dangerous situation, even if there was imminent danger. Francine also states that Martha has changed and he is why. Tish backs up the Doctor realising he was buying them time, however does not wish for Martha to return either. Martha does not listen and runs inside after the Doctor.

Now, I wonder if the Doctor really thought Martha had left him to fight alone as he seems extremely surprised to see her, "what are you doing here?" but nevertheless they continue their crusade to stop Lazarus. Or maybe, the Doctor is still so in denial about having a companion again, he's surprised when she acts like one, backs him up, helps him. Outside, Tish reassures Francine that both the Doctor and Martha would be okay, and this is probably because Tish saw first hand their dynamic and how he got her away from Lazarus. The following exchange is very interesting:

Francine: "She turned her back on us, went back in there with that thing...for him"

Leo: "He must be some guy."

Tish: "Maybe she loves him."

Francine: "She just met him."

Knowing that Francine is in the midst of a bitter divorce, it's not surprising she would take this so seriously and so personally, exacerbated by the life and deathness of the situation. She feels like she has been abandoned yet again by someone she cares about, and even to take it further, replaced by another white counterpart.

Tish also seems to understand that Martha has deep feelings for the Doctor. You would have to to to literally follow someone into danger like that. The whole family (minus Clive) are at a crossroads because their sister/daughter has gone from her normal life with them, to putting herself in mortal danger for a man they have only just met, a man to their eyes Martha has only just met. It's a lot to deal with, and it's made even more tense by the mysterious man who is oh so polite and seems oh so concerned for Martha - "Is your daughter still in there with the Doctor? He's dangerous, there are things you should know." So Francine listens. He may be a complete stranger like the Doctor, but he's charming and calm and seems to care. So Francine listens. I would like to know what he told her, because it's enough to prompt Francine to get violent.

Back inside, Lazarus chases Martha and they hide inside the chamber. We get a funny exchange because we know the Doctor always has a plan...but sometimes he doesn't. We have just established how Martha followed him into danger, because she knows she has to help, she wants to help, but she also is confident in his ability to save the day. So when he announces he hasn't got a plan, and didn't even really think his intial idea to get into the chamber through, Martha is incredulous and sarcastic; "in your own time then." We then get another funny innuendo - "what are you gonna do with that?" "Improvise" he says while slowly moving down out of the frame, past Martha's waist. Lol. They can be funny but there do appear to be a lot of these in relation to Martha this season so I can't help but point them out.

Anyway they almost go as Martha puts it 'through the blender' and Lazarus appears to be back to normal, and Martha observes that it's almost pitiful and the Doctor quotes T.S. Elliot. There's also a piece of music here I am very upset was never released. It plays after the stretcher takes Lazarus away

More to come!

[lit-in-thy-heart]

i'd just like a to take a moment to talk about this gif

more specifically, the dynamic between merlin and gwaine.

warning: s5 finale spoilers

this is the episode where merlin has lost his magic and every time i see it i just want to cry. you can see that, to begin with, merlin is just standing back and assessing the situation -- like he always does -- to see where he can discreetly help. then the bandit comes towards him and he completely flips out (understandably).

initially he obviously backs away, but he doesn't cover his head until the very last second, and his scream is honestly chilling because i don't think merlin has ever been this vulnerable before and it's terrifying him. but he also doesn't call for gwaine until the very last moment. he sees that the bandit is getting up and pushing him back but it's not until the blow is about to be dealt that he screams for his love friend. there is still a part of him that hasn't processed he no longer has magic and cannot defend himself. (it also begs the question why the knights haven't given merlin some sort of weapon in the last ten years, unless they think he repels death or something, but anyway.) and does he hesitate because he doesn't want gwaine to be hurt in saving him? or is it that, in that moment, the belief that gwaine can protect him slips and that's why he cries out?

and merlin is definitely shaken by this encounter. it's excellent acting on colin's part to convey the sheer terror at merlin being unable to defend himself and potentially put gwaine at risk by being unable to do so. afterwards, you can see just how deeply he's breathing and just how stunned he actually is. it's the first time that he has had to entirely rely on someone else.

gwaine, though. maybe it's my merwaine brain going into overdrive, but he is making merlin a priority. you can see that he's clocked the bandit going for merlin and is actually moving to stop him before merlin shouts. he doesn't even properly dispose of the bandit he's dealing with in his desperation to get to merlin in time.

and when they first attack, he angles his body so it acts as a shield for merlin. of course, that doesn't really work out because he gets too drawn into combat with one which allows the the other to attack merlin, but he tries.

i don't know why but it's the last bit that really gets me. the whole i'll-stab-you-without-looking thing is just urgh perfection, but it's his consistent eye contact with merlin. gwaine's expression isn't the softest because he's killing someone, but you can see that he's keeping his eyes on merlin to check that he's alright. and almost like he's saying 'this is for them attacking you'. we will never know what his expression was when the camera flicks back to merlin, but it is highly likely that he's silently asking merlin if he's alright, given their Interaction in the next bit:

(please ignore the juddering text, it's the first time i've giffed dialogue and I'm still figuring out text and frames)

so there's quite a bit that i want to say about this moment.

first of all, merlin is avoiding eye contact when gwaine helps him up. is this because he's embarrassed at being so dependent on gwaine or is it because watching gwaine fight made him feel things that are not helpful to feel on the eve of battle? probably. gwaine has obviously fought and protected merlin before, but (as far as i recall) never has had to save him from a death blow. this is the first time in a long while (again, i might be wrong, feel free to correct me) that merlin owes his life to anyone but arthur, who is part of his destiny. lancelot saved him when they first met, but that was years ago. merlin isn't used to be indebted to someone who he isn't duty-bound to protect, and if he wanted to repay the debt then, currently, he'd have to wrangle it without magic.

(merlin's eyes also go to gwaine's left hand which makes me question what on earth that knight is doing out of shot.)

and gwaine isn't smiling for a start: you can tell that he is genuinely concerned about merlin. and it must be pretty unnerving for gwaine, as well. despite all arthur's comments about merlin being a coward, gwaine probably sees merlin as incredibly scrappy when it comes to survival. he's always thrown himself into dangerous situations without a moment's hesitation and never shown fear. so for merlin to scream for him so desperately (i wish gifs could convey tone because my heart honestly breaks) must be incredibly unsettling and gwaine instantly jumps to merlin being injured. and when he does smile, it's not in the (seemingly) self-assured manner that we're all used to, it's in a very tender manner, as if he's trying to reassure merlin.

'there's no need to thank me, merlin. it's the least i could do.'

merlin makes eye contact here. i appreciate that it's not wonderfully giffed to align, but when gwaine says the first part merlin looks up. he definitely looks surprised at the fact that gwaine says he doesn't need gratitude, almost as if he's shocked by the implication that gwaine would do something like that and not want recognition, if that makes sense? merlin has never once received a word of thanks for saving arthur, and to have gwaine say that he doesn't want it possibly strikes a chord in merlin. because merlin doesn't save arthur for the gratitude; he saves arthur because (in whichever context you perceive it) he loves him (yeah, it started off as destiny for a start, but he does obviously grow to love arthur). so. if gwaine doesn't want thanks...then that means he loves merlin (again, platonically or romantically, it works both ways). and, just like the 'not arthur' s3 moment, merlin is caught off guard by the concept that someone cares for him enough to risk their life for him without a moment's hesitation.

and then -- 'it's the least i could do'. what more would gwaine do for merlin? or is it, perhaps, that he has some inkling that merlin has also saved his life many times over, and just wants to do the same for him? does he perhaps suspect that merlin does have magic? this line hits me so hard because you can see how much he cares for merlin, and just how blind merlin is to it.

and then the touch. the touch on the arm that is very similar to the one arthur gives to merlin. the touch that serves as reassurance and affection and i actually can't talk about this further because i will explode.

to summarise this stream of consciousness, then:

when it comes to himself, merlin doesn't know when to ask for help, mainly because he has taught himself that his needs are secondary and he shouldn't require it. but gwaine knows exactly when to give it because merlin deserves it, and would give him the world on a plate if he could.

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Got any Spongebob hot takes? About a season, episode, character, etc?

You know, I'm pretty stuck on this. This has been sitting in my inbox for so long. Its so hard to remember these on the spot. I only remember when I'm talking about other stuff lol brainz werk in mysterious ways lol

But I'll still try!

- slappy is the best thing to ever exist.

- Squidabeth is the best thing to ever exist.

Okay before this turns into a brainrot list. Here's the actual hot takes!

-Nerd spongebob is superior sponge. I know later seasons focus more on him being more babyish/childish. But ehh I miss his more nerdier personality.

- I'm okay with the spinoffs. I get so tired always having to clarify on the spinoffs all the time. Jeez do your own research, I ain't magic or working inside with Nick (I wish) I'm tired. I have my concerns and issues otherwise but like if you want to watch it then do it. If you don't then just don't.

- man why did it take so long for Sandy to interact with the other female characters? Why did it take so long for any of the characters to interact? Its random but I was thinking about this a while ago. I get the show is Spongebob Squarepants. Everything is from his POV. But a lot of the female characters could use a little more development. I want an episode focused on Mrs. Puff outside of boating school. She's into metal. She's already cool. Pls let her become a rock star pls. Or just another Sandy/Karen episode because they're so cute together. Its so weird to think about all of them only begun to interact recently.

- I really want them to bring back Pearl being gifted at math!! So much story potential. I'll be honest, I don't like whenever shows got that stereotypical teenage girl character™ no reason but they get a little annoying if you leave it like that. Pearl was apparently supposed to be more apart of the main cast but didn't get used so often. Come on!! I wanna see her hang out with Squidina!! I really like Squidina.

- there's no such thing as a bad episode with The Flying Dutchman. Never. Even the worst ones are still amusing.

- Dutchy probably doesn't pay child support. I just wanted to say that xD

- there is no way Squishwart is heterosexual

- shows timeline is

- first episode any episode where Perch is orange, any episode where Perch is purple, 2nd movie, 1st movie.

Not a complete time line but ya kno. There's two timelines tho! Same as the first but kamp koral takes place in the beginning, then the patrick show. Then we start at the first episode. Then after that, the 3rd movie takes place between the 2nd and 1st movie.

Hope I didn't lost ya there.

- oh yeah! Perch's skin color probably changed with age. Some fishes change color with maturity! I headcanon orange being earlier, and purple being later.

I know you might point out the fish in Ripped Pants. He doesn't look much like Perch. Looks a lot older so I'm just gonna headcanon that it's Perch's dad.

- Kamp koral was kinda boring. The better episodes are when they focus on side characters or new characters. Idk its just not interesting when they focus it on the main cast. Excluding the one where Squidward and Patrick gets lost in the woods together. That was cute. Though my favorite episode is either the one with young Perch or the night cabin.

- season 1 is elite. It's my favorite season of all time. I could go on and on about what I love about this season but everything about it feels so wholesome yo.

- my favorite season amongst the modern era is probably 10? I know that's fan favorite of the modern era. I'd also say season 12 too. Which is an unpopular season due to the expressions but I find myself revisiting season 12 often. Its weird but fun to go back to every so often.

- a lot of spongebob has been ragged on unfairly. I know I always come for the middle seasons but even they are over hated. Its amusing tho how the middle seasons were so hated in the previous years. Nowadays they get more love because the kids who grew up with them has grown to appreciate them. Now its the modern seasons that get a lot of hate. Often times for just being different.

- ehh classic elites kinda ruin the show for me. I wouldn't say this is a be all end all. I still like the classic era and of course nothing can replace how witty and funny it was. But geez these people take it so seriously that it just sucks the fun out of it. Its fun to express your love for spongebob online but they always gotta rag on it and insult people who don't hate everything that came out after the movie. Its ironic considering I used to be a classic elitist. Every so often when I see them raging online, I'm like "jeez was that me?" It gets so exhausting to hate on the show. I also think its a little weird how they've martyred Hillenburg while also acting like the gods of justice by sending death threats to his colleagues and friends. Ehh they get pretty invasive at times. Its kinda uncomfortable.

- on that note. I also find it annoying how people are like "oh kids today will never know how good spongebob was!" Like the classic era doesn't constantly rerun on tv to this day. Jeez I was too young to even remember the classic era when it first began airing. Yet the classic era was what was on tv most of the time. Its like how adults assume kids don't know what vhs tapes/CDs are just because it isn't as popular as it used to. They don't magically disappear the moment something new comes out.

You know that reminds me, when I was a teen, I used to purposely act like I didn't know what some stuff were just to make adults feel like they're out of touch. "Facebook? what is that?" "Britney Spears? Never heard of her" it's so funny.

- Ngl I keep rewatching the Patrick show just to feel something

- mr. Krab's cheapiness went so out of control. Mans due for a spinoff just to rework his character so he can become tolerable again.

- from reading the spongeBob pitchbible and the mussel beach episode. My only thoughts were "spongebob has two hands, one for Sandy, one for Larry"

- the best episodes of Patrick is when he's being sweetly stupid. He's dumb but he knows and loves his friends. That's like the baseline for Patrick. He'd be terribly hurt if he upset them and he cares about them to the end of the earth. If you make patrick a jerk because he's stupid then you've failed to understand him.

- oh also, I'm pretty sure Bunny and Cecil are Pat's adoptive parents. Pat said in Home Sweet Pineapple that his parents kicked him out. I imagine when he did get kicked out, he wasn't prepared so he probably got adopted by the closest Sea Star family around. Thus the Patrick show was born! I already do find Pat's parents questionable. Like letting their daughter get lost like that, or mental training with a bell that managed to even have spongebob say they screwed Patrick up. Bunny and Cecil seem like healthier parents for pat. Plus he got another sister :)

- another thing, ehh Spongebob's parents and family in general are either questionable to outright awful. Man his uncle sherm really kicked out his own son??? captain blue couldn't listen to spange when he desperately needed help? Also spongebob's parents neither taking him seriously and seem to have their own issues too.

- on the note of poor family figures. I'm certain Mr. Krabs father Victor Krabs abandoned his family. Mr krabs grew up dirt poor with only his mother supporting him. I also assume Mr. Krab's other family is also kinda sucky since he didn't really introduce any of them to Pearl. Probably for a reason. Though his mom in the comics seems to have known about Pearl. She's probably the only krab in the family he really cares about.

- Sandy and Karen SHOULD get together. I don't make the rules 😤 😤

- patchy is good. I don't get why is he so hated. I also really like potty :)

- the 2nd movie is a comfort movie for me.

- they really brought the best music for the ScaredyPants episode. Also I find it kinda funny how they found such a hyper specific band for the show. The Ghastly Ones. A horror surf rock band. It fits too well and I like them enough to listen to their other songs just because.

- Ngl its satisfying when spongebob gets angry/frustrated. You dont see those emotions in him. Its either extreme joy or extreme sadness. It adds an interesting bit of nuance to his character.

And that's it! Or at least the only ones I can think of on the spot so uhh. Here ya go!

[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

18 - I’ve Missed A Lot

This chapters songs:

Car; Porches

The Poetry Of August; Lamp

Homage; Mild High Club

- Y. L. Perspective

"What'd I miss?" I ask, running up to Kiyoko. My left shoe was barely holding onto my foot after I'd run so fast from the changing rooms to the gym.

For the past two practices, I'd had to skip to do a couple of recording with the band. But man—I missed the wrong days.

Her greys eyes grow wide as she shouts. "Y/n! There you are. I was wondering if you would show up to—" I quickly put a finger over her mouth.

"I don't want anybody knowing I'm late!" I whisper loudly. Once my other shoe was on, I straightened up my back, looking at the gym in front of me.

'Why are there so many random men here?'

"They've already noticed, Y/n. Just sit tight, I'll go tell the coach who you are before he kicks you out of e gym."

'Coach?!' I think, turning to question Kiyoko and her statement. But before I'm able to, she's already speeding to the side of an older, taller man.

It was only a day before our weekend training camp was next on our schedule. I didn't think too much about it. My only job was to clean up after my team and take care of them with Kiyoko. I was so caught up in writing new song lyrics that I had completely forgotten about Eclair and her presence, which was now a part of my day.

"Hi, Y/n! It's nice to see you again!" Her soft voice says from behind me as she comes to my side, looking at the floor in front of us. "The team missed you!"

I nod, smiling. 'Please, be quiet today.' I thought to myself as my eyes wavered towards Sugawara. He smiles at me, waving one of his hands, then putting it back down.

As for my relationship with him, it hadn't changed much. We were still staying silent about being together or not. I think what made us both have our doubts about being girlfriend and boyfriend was the idea that we would get too attached. Either way, that didn't change the fact that we already acted like a couple. The only difference was that we didn't have labels.

Kiyoko ran back to me in an instant with a scared expression on her face. "Uh...the coach wants to see you personally. He's right over there," she says, pointing to the man.

I gulp down the fear that was choking me and nod to Kiyoko, walking towards the man with my head down and my hands together. When I arrive at his side, I introduce myself as the manager. "My name is Y/n L/n, one of the managers of this club. My apologies for arriving so late, sir," I say, straightening myself again.

"Ah! Takeda had told me there were two managers. It's nice to meet you, I'm Ukai. For now, I'm nothing official. Your team supervisor is simply a persistent son of a bitch, so I had no choice but to come down and see what the fuss was all about." He explains himself. "So, it seems your team is a bunch of feisty young boys. Do you have any notes on them you wanna give me? I'm trying my best to get them into shape before that practice game they have after the training camp."

"Hm. I do have a couple of things I've been saving recently. My only big concern is how to get the little guy— Nishinoya— to become an official part of the team without another player." I point my pen to the second year as he stretches out his arms.

Ukai seemed to be one step ahead of me, for he raised his brows, pointing to yet another boy. But this one was nothing like Nishinoya. He was most likely the tallest on the team and had the features of a grown man. "Well, that issue seems to be fixed already!"

I purse my lips, embarrassed that I'd been so stupid as to miss so much. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ukai. I haven't attended practice ever since Tuesday, so I haven't been caught up on what's been going on," I say in a disappointed tone.

"That's alright. You just make sure to catch up with your friend, Kiyoko, and you should be all set. For now, just sit back and watch the practice game," he says. With that, he sends me off back to Kiyoko. I hadn't thought that he would be so nice to me after the look he gave me from afar. But I was glad that he'd let my absence slide this time.

Throughout the game, I wasn't allowed to talk to anybody other than the people on the bench, which was only a few of the boys I wasn't too comfortable having a conversation with. As for Kiyoko, Eclair wouldn't stop pestering her with facts about France and her appreciation from the team. Especially Sugawara.

But all wasn't too bad. In fact, this was the best game that I had ever attended. Not only was I able to see the skills of Nishinoya and his partner further, but Koshi was included. He was with a few of the older men and Noya, as well as Asahi, the man that was resistant to come to any of the previous practices.

There were many times when I wanted to scream and shout for the boys. Thankfully, I decided to be smart and not make a full out of myself. Instead, I sat tight, completely focused on Koshi. Was it a bad thing that I hadn't noticed his talents beforehand? I felt horrible that I hadn't been asking him about volleyball. The moment that he began to play, I was able to see just how passionate he was about volleyball. The gym floor was where he belonged, just in the way that I belonged with music.

Just like that, the first set had ended.

I spent no time gathering water bottles for the men, handing each of them a towel and bottle. Sadly, I wasn't able to reach him before Eclair did. It wasn't as if I could go against her actions. Koshi and I hid our feelings from the team, so it would be obvious if I stole him away for a second to give him compliments. I wanted nothing but to praise him for doing so well in the game.

After the boys return to the court, Kiyoko bumps my shoulder. "You know, I haven't seen Sugawara in such a good mood until recently. He's matured into a more enthusiastic guy. Do you think that has anything to do with you?"

"Maybe. It doesn't matter, though. I just want to see him do what he loves," my voice breaks in an instant as I put my hands together in front of my face, smiling at him as he looks back at me.

-

Though I had absolutely no clue who the extra grown men playing with our club were, Kiyoko and I still bid them a farewell before beginning to clean up with the rest of the team.

"Y/n! I wish we could have talked to you more today!" Nishinoya runs to my side, putting his hands onto my shoulders. The young man didn't seem to take the hint that I wasn't interested in him. Still, it was nice to be surrounded by a change of scenery. I was used to quiet, composed friends and family. "Asahi! You've gotta meet our new manager!"

The two of us look at the tall boy as he grows fearful. What did someone like him have to be scared of? It wasn't as if I would bite one of his fingers off. Hesitant to greet me, he rubs his neck, awkwardly smiling. "H-hi, I'm Asahi. It's nice to meet you."

"Mhm, you as well."

Am awkward silence overcomes us.

"Oh, come on! You call that a greeting?!" Tanaka intervenes, taking Asahi and I's hands and bringing them together. "Asahi, this is our totally awesome new manager, Y/n! She's a great girl and very fun.

Y/n, this is Asahi! The cry baby!"

"Hey! I'm no cry-baby," Asahi says, frowning.

I smile back, taking my hands back into my pockets.

"Erm, it's nice to have you back on the team, Asahi."

Suddenly, we all bring our attention to the temporary coach, who clapped his hands together.

"Great game today, everyone. Our main problem is receiving, so we'll be practicing that tomorrow, got it? After everyone has gotten their things together, please make sure to get lots of rest and arrive here tomorrow at 6:00 PM!"

Everybody nods, bowing lightly and running out to change into their regular school clothes. As for me, I decided to simply take my clothing in my bag and head home in my uniform. As did Sugawara.

I head out of the locker rooms and make my way to the usual spot we met up at after practice. There he was, looking up at the stars. He soon notices I walk towards him with absolute joy. "Why hello, Y/n."

"Hello, Koshi," I utter to him, smiling at his silly behavior. He wraps one of his arms around my back as always, beginning our walk towards home. "You were so good today! I haven't ever seen you play before. I wish I could have known sooner so I can suggest things to the team, like, 'Sugawara sure is a great player!' You know?"

"Well, now that you've seen me play, I think it's time I hear your band perform."

I'm surprised by Sugawara's words. Hear me perform? I could have sworn he'd already heard me and my friends perform a song. I tell him, "well then, you'll just have to wait till our competition. It's around next month. And if you'd like, you can bring Daichi and Kiyoko along. That Asahi kid too, I'd he's your friend."

"Can you imagine the number of requests you'd get from the first and second years if you told them you're in a band? They'd go crazy," he says. "But if it's next month, doesn't that mean you've got a lot of work to do? Are you sure you have enough time to be coming to volleyball practice?"

"That's why I need some help on finding an idea on what to write about! So far, I can't find a way to write anything." I slap my forehead in disappointment.

Sugawara lovingly pats my head. "Just forget about that for a second if it's bothering you, sweetie. Are you excited about this spring? The tournament is coming up as well. Have you talked to your friend Oikawa about it?"

"Koshi, he isn't my friend! And no... we haven't talked ever since the practice game. Should I ask him to say what he wants before I block him for good?"

He shrugs. "I dunno. Honestly, I've never had anybody be very persistent to apologize after something so mean."

"Hm. It's okay. I'm excited to be spending some time with you~" I lean into him, making him stumble slightly. "I know it's weird to say, but I'm proud that you decided to play today. I know you have potential that you don't use and it hurts to see you bottle up your talent that way."

Sugawara looks at me with the most gentle expression he'd ever shown the earth. "I—I try. Thank you. I'm glad I could show you that I'm not a completely useless player," he chuckles. "Honestly, I don't think I'm gonna be playing on the court this year."

I nudge him hard. "Sugawara! Don't say things like that. You're speaking words into existence. Try to have as much confidence as possible and I'm sure that our...new coach...will let you play!"

"Hm, maybe."

By the time we had arrived at my house, the clock struck 8:00 PM. I hadn't expected to be staying out so late. Since there was a surprise practice game, I had no choice.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow," I say, unlocking my front door, and stepping inside the house. As always, it was quiet and felt empty. I turn to smile at Koshi one last time before closing the door, but he stops me with a rug at the wrist. "What is it?"

"Uhm...since it's Friday, do you just wanna sleepover at my place? That way we can get ready together tomorrow." His skin turned peachy as he asked.

I was yet to visit his house. It was always mine that we'd hang out at, so I was very caught off guard by his request. Come to think of it, I didn't know much about his family or lifestyle when it came to being home. All I knew was that his mother left his family with a cloud over their heads. And so, I laugh awkwardly, "ha, are you sure it's okay with your dad? I wouldn't want to be intruding or anything."

Sugawara quickly shuts down my reply, saying, "of course not. My little brother has people over all the time. But if you don't want to, that's okay."

I felt nothing but happy that he had invited me over, but was it really a good idea? After what he described his father as I was scared he would think of me as a burden. Although, I didn't want to pass my chance to meet his family. And so, I nod slightly.

"Okay, yeah! But I have to get some things together. Do you wanna come inside real quick?" My excitement is heard through my tone. I open the door wide for him to enter the house. He does so, happy that I had said yes.

-

"Come on in!"

Not in a million years did I ever expect Mr. Sugawara to be such a welcoming man. So tall, too.

"I've just gotten back from work, so excuse my strange appearance," he says to me as Koshi and I walk into the house. The man was the spinning image of his son: silver hair, hazel eyes, and thin yet strong build. But no beauty mark. He wore black blazer pants and a button-up white collared shirt, telling me he was a sophisticated man.

I bow. "Thank you for having me, Mr. Sugawara," I say to him.

"It's no issue. Your brother and I were just finishing making yakitori," he stated, before rushing back to what I assumed was the kitchen. After Koshi closed the door behind us and we took our shoes off, he led me there.

He and his other son were setting up the dining table. The boy was surprisingly shorter than Koshi, had pale brown hair instead of silver, and matched beauty marks with him. 'His mother must have been a brunette', I thought to myself as he ran off to help his father and brother.

Not soon after did the younger Sugawara look my way in the surprise of my presence. "Uhm—hi!" He says. The voice that came out of him was just as raspy as Koshi's, but a bit more aggressive and whiny.

'So...his mom must have had brown hair, was a short woman, had a raspy voice, AND gave her sons the beauty mark..' I was very quick to build an image of what I imagined his mother to look like. If only I'd be able to meet her in person.

"Hello. Could I help you guys with anything? I'd love to." My hands rub together like clay, sweaty and clammy. I didn't realize how nervous I was to be around so many men at once.

"No need, I'm just about done!" Mr. Sugawara placed a very big plate of skewers in the middle of the table. "Why don't you sit down with Isao and Koshi."

I do as told and make my way behind the kitchen and into the dining room, where a fair wooden table and a few zaisu chairs surrounded it.

The younger boy decides to sit across from Koshi and me, snaking eyes at me every few seconds. I think not much of it. It must have been strange to have a random girl join him and his family for dinner. Nonetheless, he doesn't think twice to begin his pattern of questions. "So, are you Koshi's girlfriend?" He bluntly asks with a grin on his face as the mentioned man scolds him.

"Isao! It isn't polite to ask people questions without introducing yourself first," He says as his dad continues to pour cups of water in the kitchen, pretending not to hear much of the conversation.

I feel my cheeks heat up immediately. How could I have explained that we were in love for quite some time but haven't been tied down yet? I clear my throat, looking at Koshi, who is shutting his eyes in embarrassment.

"Oh! Well, I'm Isao Sugawara. It's a pleasure to meet you...Y/n is it?"

I'm utterly surprised by his question. From what it looked like, Koshi had already told his brother about me. It was flattering yet terrifying. "Yes. It's nice to meet you as well." I try my best not to sound grim, but it's hard when you're stuck in such an uncomfortable situation.

"I'm guessing you're the one he's been hanging out with so much! You're so pretty! Come to think of it, I don't think Koshi has ever had a girl over." The boy chuckles.

'I thought he had many girls wrapped around his finger.'

Ending the most heart-racing conversation I'd ever experienced, Mr. Sugawara comes back with a few drinks in hand. "Well then, let's get to eating!" He exclaims, giving everyone their glass of water before sitting down next to his youngest son.

Each of us grab a skewer and began munching on the delicious chicken yakitori. Every once in a while I'd look up at the family, who didn't seem to be by the idea someone out of their comfort zone was there. As for Koshi, he kept asking if everything was alright for me and smiling. The sweet guy had no clue how shaken I felt.

"So then, tell us about your friend, Koshi." His father gulps down the last bite of his yakitori to drink a sip of his water.

The boy blinks a few times. "Uh—well, Y/n and I used to be friends during our first year but separated until this year. We've really renewed our relationship!" He laughs anxiously, downing his glass of water after his brief explanation.

"So, do you like to play volleyball too?" Isao interjects.

"Uhm, not exactly. I'm just one of the managers of the volleyball club. I've only been there for two weeks," I reply.

"What do you like to do? You seem like a sophisticated girl!"

Koshi snatches the chance to speak about me. "Y/n is a musician! She plays guitar and is a vocalist for this band she's in. She's even going to sign with a big label once she graduates!"

"Oh, cool!" Isao slams his hands on a table with a bright smile spread across his face. "I've always wanted to meet a musician! Koshi is so lucky to have a cool girlfriend like you, Ms. Y/n!"

He snaps at his little brother again for calling me his girlfriend, nervous now that his father was listening in this time. But Mr. Sugawara simply chuckles. "How fun, Y/n. So, I see you have some big plans! What kind of music do you and your band play?"

'Jesus, I did NOT expect that.'

"Mostly rock, sir. We're more of a punk band than anything," I say, folding my hands in my lap. Though the yakitori was delicious, I wasn't Anel to take in another bite. "May I do you all a favor as to wash the dishes? I appreciate you having me over so suddenly."

I stand up from the zaisu, picking up both my plate and Koshi's. Isao and his father also hand me theirs, thanking me for my kindness. "Do what you'd like! Thank you for joining us."

-

MF PLS VOTE THE RATIOS ARE SO SAD

IS MY WRITING THAT BAD?

also ily pls take care of yourself <3

- estrxlar

[dent-de-leon]

hi i was wondering if you've watched the voltron 84 ep " Give Me Your Princess"? it's the one Chris Palmer picked for the Voltron 84 remastered on Netflix. And all throughout it Keith's like "you're not sven! I wish sven was here!" Allura even has a dream that Keith looks at her and sees Sven instead? I find that really telling considering Keith and Allura are meant to be romantic interests. But also it's the episode Chris picked so... anyway I'd love to here your thoughts on this!!

oh ya I did actually! lmao I literally found the Sven thing so funny at first, I made this post right after watching it

Ok but seriously though, it’s kinda interesting that Keith brings up Sven at all. Because right now he’s fine with Allura piloting Sven’s lion. Allura taking Black though, trying to take charge of the team and putting everyone in jepoerdy, that really gets Keith. And he tells her that Sven would’ve just stayed with Blue like he was supposed to, Sven wouldn’t put everyone at risk. 

Every time we see the paladins comparing Allura to Sven in this episode, it’s about how Sven held them together, but Allura does not know how to work with a team. It’s less about Sven vs Allura as individuals, and more so the fact that Sven brings them together and Allura can’t. Allura takes that criticism though and hears: 

Like, it’s not even a question. She just outright tells Keith that, and he doesn’t deny it. So, on a more personal level, you get this sense that Keith does kinda believe that. At least, he would rather have Sven back with them instead. Later, when he’s thinking it over, he muses that maybe he was a bit too harsh on her. 

Allura still internalizes this notion that she’s inferior to Sven in Keith’s eyes though, and she struggles with that for the rest of the episode. 

And now that you mention it, the dream sequence thing where she’s like begging Keith to forgive her and you see Sven smiling and then his face switches to the Princess’ is kinda?? I wouldn’t say romantic, but. It certainly shows that Keith thought fondly of Sven, and in her mind, Allura can never quite surpass him. At least, not in Keith’s eyes. She doesn’t even come close. 

To be fair, from my understanding, Allura being Keith’s love interest was entirely an invention of the dub. Keith was unconcerned with romance in the original; he never really expressed any interest in girls or dating. But anyway, yeah, it’s Keith’s opinion that Allura’s really concerned with here. And his view is pretty obvious: 

Later when Hunk mentions teamwork he says something like “I wish Sven were still here.” And Keith’s just like “Yeah well, Sven’s not, so we’ll just have to make this work.” So while Keith undoubtably misses Sven, he also knows that figuring out how to work as a team again takes priority. By the end of the episode the princess has proven herself to everyone, and Keith tells her she is the Blue lion. Not only that, but he believes that she’ll one day surpass Sven and be able to pilot the Black lion as well. So he definitely sees a lot of potential there, even if he was resentful and maybe still mourning over Sven too much to move on at first. 

Of course, if something like this were to happen in vld though, I think the outcome would be pretty different. Because Allura taking Black here would have a lot of different implications–it very much would be about her replacing Shiro, because she’d be taking his lion instead of Keith’s. Undermining Keith’s leadership when he’d been entrusted to it by Shiro would also have this whole other layer of depth to it; Shiro trusted him with Black, and if he can’t even lead the team without mutiny, then how could he ever prove to Shiro he’s worthy? 

Keith and Shiro also seem much closer in vld than their counterparts in 80s voltron, so I think a retake of an episode like this would be really interesting to see. So ya, this episode has some interesting stuff going on. The characters are all very different, but it still leaves some food for thought about how Allura and the others might react to Shiro’s loss 

[postitforward]

I use tumblr to blog about my struggle with bipolar disorder and anxiety because I can do it anonymously. Otherwise, I'd worry about someone from my real life finding it (seems like there are a lot of "therapy" blogs around like that). Have you seen a trend in people self-identifying in a more public way on social media? And is it still wiser for people with mental illness to avoid "going public," or have we reached a tipping point with stigma where coming out is now better?

I don’t know if more people are disclosing their offline identities more frequently today than in years past, but I think it is essential that people think about WHY they are or are not disclosing their identities. A 2014 study by researchers at Cornell University found that people who posted public status updates with real names had two main goals: 1) social validation – looking for general liking, social feedback and approval; and 2) self-expression, which often involves venting emotions, especially negative, and talking about problems.  If you most of your posts are some form of venting then I would suggest not going public. If on the other hand your posts are efforts for social validation then there would be a real benefit and little downside to disclosing your identity.

As you mentioned, there are pros and cons to disclosure. I recommend writing a pros and cons list as part of your process to decide whether now is the right time for you to come out. For example, some benefits to posting anonymously including more comfort being honest and vulnerable. Some of the downsides of posting anonymously include more trolling and suspicion on the part of the audience (e.g. is this person who they say they are?). Some of the upsides of disclosure include fully and authentically integrating your online and offline self and using “known self” as a tool to fight trolls. Being “out” about your mental illness online makes it easier to be out with your employer, which is essential if you need to use work-related treatment. Downsides of disclosing your identity include social exclusion based on disclosed material and possible employment discrimination.

I wish I could say that employers are progressive enough (or concerned enough about the law) not to discriminate against people with known mental illnesses or substance use disorders, but the research suggests otherwise. Stacey Freedenthal, tenured associate professor of social work at the University of Denver, and Marsha Linehan, developer of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, “came out” as suicide attempt survivors in the New York Times. Their disclosures were courageous and inspiring, and most likely helped many publicly acknowledge their own struggles with suicidal ideation or suicide attempt. And yet, both Stacey and Marsha acknowledged that their career stability was a big part of why they were willing to come out.

Disclosing your identity online means you will be known offline. As with any coming out, ask yourself:

why do I want to come out?

to whom will I come out?

what story will I tell that will help my audience understand me?

who will support me the quickest and who is least likely to support me?

after I disclose my identity what do I expect?

who will support me through my coming out?

And of course, you need to give folks time to accept the new you.

I have definitely seen a trend. In the five years I have been a mental health speaker, I can say student and adult audiences are more open, knowledgeable and less hesitant to share their experiences.  

If you are personally considering disclosing, there is research showing the positive effects of ‘going public,’ it can decrease shame, positively impact self-esteem and strengthen your belief in your ability to achieve your goals.

However, independent of public opinion,it is important to gauge your level of comfort as oppose to what other people think about mental illness.

Here are couple things to consider if you are thinking about self-disclosing:

Openness may bring about negative thoughts and action by others -

You cannot control what a stranger, friend or family member thinks about people with mental illness. Ask yourself are you at a space where you feel comfortable that you someone may judge you negatively for your mental illness or pass you over for a job, apartment or other opportunity. You may be at a space where you feel it does not matter what others think or it does not matter as much as it did in the past.  

Any relapses may be more widely known than preferred -

Having a episode of depression or a bout of anxiety does not make you bad, broken or wrong, but when we are in those states, it can feel like we are the worst people in the world.  Being out can be more stressful now because you may begin to worry what others are thinking of you and what you are thinking of yourself - am I a failure, am I a fraud, maybe I really did not have my condition under control.  If you have relapses, practice putting them into perspective by discovering ways to affirm you are not broken, but that you have a condition that has these symptoms.  I will be the first to say practicing this perspective is not easy, but it is important.

I recommend reaching out to people who have decided to share openly online and ask them what their experience has been.  You can check out the blog on my site as a place to start - hakeemrahim.com/blog.  If you connect with someone’s journey, email the blog editor and we will see if we can connect you. As you mentioned there are many people ‘coming out’. Find out what their experience is like, weigh the pluses, the potential minuses and decide what is right for you.