#i will try to get everything done today
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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obi-wan, approaching cody who sat, propped against what he thinks is part of the at-te's leg, battered and bloody, placing a gentle hand on his arm: you did well out there, cody.
cody, grimacing but chuckling: ‘e couldn't have done it without you, general.
obi-wan: oh, i did the easy part.. the difference in appearance really proves that, hm?
cody: mmf.
obi-wan: we need to get you to the medic, my dear.. helix won't be pleased to see either of us again, but you won't be getting away with walking this one off.
cody, managing a small pained smile: yes, general.. permission to rest?
obi-wan, fondly, and ever so gently pressing a kiss to the clones forehead: permission granted.. you deserve it.
#commander cody#star wars the clone wars#obi wan kenobi#codywan#obi wan x cody#incorrect quotes#codywan incorrect quotes#i got way to stressed over trying to figure out what to write for today– so you get whatever my brain threw out. tis alright#the rare times cody actually needs/wants to rest– he asks first. hes a good soldier :( wants to make sure he's done everything#obi-wan carries him back#post battle
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If u consistently choose kindness on the internet in comment sections and dms and content I love you.
#chatterbox#I See so many people always trying to stir the pot or cause arguments or take everything in bad faith just as an excuse for being mean#and it’s very demotivating as a human being . like wanting to exist in a world like that#however. kindness and love and joy is everywhere you look too. and it is a decision you can make .#shakes everyone by the shoulders I NEED SOMETHING TO BE DONE ABOUT THE WORLD WE LIVE IN#I love love and whimsy and happiness and i want everyone else to enjoy those feelings too#😞IMMA DRAW HAPPY CREEPED ART#DRAWN TOO MANY OF THEM FIGHTING AND GLARING AND COVERED IN WOUNDS#sucker when she gets somber before a shift#I work with kids imma see little babies babbling around like waaahuuuhghhh < baby noises#and I work w my fave coworker today AND it’s a morning shift instead of closing shift . blessed#actually they might put me back in the hole today.#couple weeks ago I was climbing 20 feet in the air on netting with no support so I could cut down fans that were a ft from the ceiling LMFAO#I miss my old coworker he was absurd but he was always giving us side quests
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I miss u fnaf fandom I miss people having new interesting stuff to talk about like we did with SB and ruin and a large alive fanart and fanfic community and not ok this game had no comprehensible plot and this games plot was already revealed 2 years ago and its still like 6 months or more until it comes out
#sorry feeling sad about fnaf today 😔#its just like. as someone who was there the day sb dropped how did we get here to this point#went from bucketloads of potential with an engaging new era to boring#never letting any of the interesting main storylines appear on screen for years and years#like man#i thought the in between era with hw2 and the next game that was unknown at the time was the worst era#like the mains and the plot will come back eventually but its been 3 years borderline#the bonnie bully cassies dad tales books to game instead of the other way around 2 releases fully about the mimic stuff is just like#very disheartening#pandas.txt#discourse#went from exciting potential to ok so they just arent going to talk about anything ever again#ggy hints and hw2 candy cadet stories are the only things keeping me going#if they didnt exist id prob be actively giving up on them ever bringing 3 star back#& im not trying to say that bc i like 3 star & they havent been focused on everything is bad#they havent focused or done anything cool with VANNY gregory vanessa freddy ggy any of it#instead random shit like hw2 cassies dad mapbot death possession bonnie bully#like somehow theyve made everything about nothing + the mimic#plz announce the release before the end of the year already bc depending on what it is ill feel so much better#if we get hw2 dlc and it reveals if its about cassie vanny or cassies dad things will change so much
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There are two wolves inside me. One wants to embrace a new hobby in dance so I can be active and feel elegant and graceful and strong. This wolf wants to try something new and exciting, finally indulging in something I've always had an interest in.
The other experiences such frustrating emotions on a near daily basis that I want to go back to boxing, which is arguably easier to break into since I've already done it before. This wolf doesn't think of elegance, she just wants to fuck shit up until her body's so overworked and warm it fogs up car windows without having to do anything but sit inside.
Which one do I fucking feed??
#t. lee woes#like. do you know how hard it is trying to start something new that you've never done at all ever before??#and you've got no mode of transport until december - and ONLY if things go well#and now you're contemplating ways to mkre regularly earn a bit of money to afford the classes since paying weekly means my income#would wind up like $9 a fortnight since $40 would be spent by the end of each fortnight#it wouldn't necessarily be stagnant but it's not a desirable position to be in#I still have stuff saved up in a jar but I'm always hesitant to dip into that stuff#originally it was going toward a violin and lessons for that but I'm putting it off in favour of something a bit easier to dedicate time to#boxing is easy. in fact I could get support from my fam for that cause they like it#they don't see the point in dancing but I really want to at least try it and I'm worried about affording each term if I do end up liking it#also I already have boxing gear from before#but I'm hesitant about boxing at the moment for a lot of reasons I can't quite articulate but weirdly might have something to do with#internalised misogyny and biases... which is WILD cause my dad supports women learning martial arts#I can't do karate though I tried that and the class drove me a little insane#and it doesn't push you the same way boxing does and I really like to be pushed#if I don't leave sweating and hot and lungs and muscles aching then what's the point?? I can do mediocre exercise at home#and find more intense martial arts classes that also teach other kinds of self-defense#it's like... ehhhh#anyway but also I want to do something that's for fun that isn't so Serious Fight Mode#hence dancing#but I can only afford one not both and basically I'm grumpy today cause I was gonna trial a dance class - got ready and everything - but#my ride was suddenly unavailable. and I still can't stomach public transport. nor am I good at navigating it#it feels so different here compared to where I used to live - and I knew trains better not buses
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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Everyone clap for me setting BOUNDARIES on my babysitting (said they have to be back by 10 so I can go sleep before driving tomorrow)
#i do love babysitting truly#it's good work that needs doing and the people i do it for are never frivolous#and all of them are good and dedicated parents and their kids are only normal amounts of difficult#that said. i have done um 4 babysittings for total about 15 awake kid hours in just over a week#my voice is shot and so is my patience#bones boy and then all the others are 3 and under#while i'm yapping in the tags i will say for posterity#that i didn't quite get everything done i wanted to today/this week#BUT i finished my chapter draft and all but one of the house/cleaning chores i wanted to#yesterday i spent all day at my small group leaders' first watching the kids and then hanging for dinner#and then book club that evening (they were like why don't you just stay? so i did)#today i returned my library books and got a turmeric latte on the way to babysitting#feel kinda crappy physically cause i haven't worked out consistently and had sugar too much this week#and the early dark is messing with my appetite so i'm trying to figure that out and be responsive#but! i am very excited to be going home tomorrow (first time since may!!) and see everybody and rest with them#it's not rest from everything hard but it is rest from being responsible for my own time and that sounds so lovely right now#i had the best time with the twins yesterday. they were yelling LEAVES and picking up pine needles#so i said it's Pine Needles#and they started going Pine Noodles! Pine Noodles!#they never watch screens and it shows. they're so good at thinking of stuff to do
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Whumptober day 10: branding/scarring/collar (full under the cut - I might say this one’s slightly more intense)
Did I mention this prompt list fits our Evemore Kingdom needs like almost too well? :,)
Find the royal au masterpost here
(Hey does anyone have any comfort/fluff drawing ideas I can pick from TT)
#this one was rough#I think I’m gonna draw some comfort and fluff tomorrow#I guess when you see this it will be today#since I knocked two of these out in one night#soon I won’t be able to work on them so I’m trying to get them done#but I’d like some comfort now I think#also ignore that everything about the brand is incorrect#too small wrong writing system etc#I’ll deal with it later#anyway#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#royal au#how do I tag this without jumpscaring innocent like marketing people#do those even exist on tumblr#whatever I’m tagging#branding#whumptober#emry whumptober 2023
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ITS OUT 💥💥💥
#rambles#sam and max#ok reupload cuz the video saved as an image HLEPD#HAPPY TDPH RELEASE DAY GAIS…. we made it and we are winning#i am so excited. but very scared 😊 to see everything#i’ve been trying to work on smthing for this but i’m really prone to procrastinating#trying to aim for getting it done today cuz i start school tomorrow#got this video from skunkapes twitter…. lovsing this
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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
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:-)
#^guy who is pretty. ^guy who looks like his mom.#good morning. i’ve been v good abt getting everything i need to done lately so#i put kel in some hairs. as a lil treat.#um. i was journaling yesterday. as one does. & i came to some Realizations about kel’s childhood & his relationship with his father so#that was neat. love when that happens#i literally wrote like. 10 pages about it probably.#um. n e way. i think today i might try to find some new clothes for the boys#had this idea of making like. a virtual closet for them. aka a blender file that has all the meshes & textures saved bc#i hate having to export them every time i want to make a render :-)#also kinda want to redo the boys’ skins. dusty needs new tattoos i think.#yea. ok.#kelly#rainyrambles
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aaaannndd now people from other countries are diminishing how we may be feeling today. cool
#thanks for saying my fears and emotions are worthless#you know you can care about multiple things right??#i know the us is fucked ok i get it but surprisingly it can hurt when you see people#say that you should just be blown off the map because of things politicians do#so many of us are trying... sorry. this is dumb. im just feeling very hopeless and useless today lol#not to make everything about me or whatever of course but.... ok im done#/ negative#kenzie.txt
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mini update: we are being hammered rn by the residuals of the incoming hurricane. so, I am in week 2 of my migraine and the internet is acting up. if you don't hear from me for a little bit, these are the possible reasons.
#i had planned to work on#say my name!mingi#today but i spent the first half of the day trying not to get sick#and now internet isn't the best and everything is sooo slow#i did get some writing done over the weekend#hoping to have it up by end of next week 🤞🏽#mars transmits
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been trying out a new writing technique recently and it's called chilling tf out and reminding myself that fic is written for fun.
#making a little joke but also being genuinely serious#with my merwaincelot wip i've embraced having little overviews in brackets for what i want to happen#but idk how to write it just yet#if i'm feeling stuck or bored#and if i'm getting tired or the idea of writing an ending is getting overwhelming then i just call it a day and do something else#and yeah it's taking longer to write things (perhaps gone are the days when i wrote and posted a fic in the same night)#but it's working wonders with my brain#and it's amazing how as soon as i relax i get hit with several new ideas#just trying to adjust my thinking in that projects over a long period of time are not something to worry about#like i'm also planning a knitting project that i'll be doing well into september#(mainly bc yarn is expensive and my needs are hella specific)#but that's okay!#not everything has to be done and dusted immediately!#i'm glad i took a break from writing and i think it did do me good but damn i'm happy to be back#and enjoy still learning how to get even more out of my hobby#but anyway i'm just feeling a lil proud of myself today so#lit talks#personal
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