#i will never not find this bit the funniest thing on the fucking planet i laugh genuinely every single time

[zillaphoneswag]

Amanda x Angela Ship Questions (2)

Who pulls the other closer while sleeping?

Amanda

Who picks something up, says a pun with the object, then laughs as if it’s the funniest thing they ever heard?

Angela

When one of them gets a new outfit, how does the other react?

Angela turns bright red. This woman cannot talk to save her life, she’s just so taken with how beautiful her girlfriend looks. She’ll make up for it later but at the moment she only has one brain cell. Meanwhile Amanda looks at Angela like she wants to eat her, the outfit wouldn’t survive. She loves Angela in any outfit, her beauty just doesn’t compare to anything in the world. But if her girl comes out in a suit, forget it. Amanda has no words.

Who tries to playfully scare the other person and who always knows where the other person is?

Angela will try time and time again to sneak up on Amanda and it quite literally never works. Even at work, even on Halloween, even for a TNTL bit. Amanda still has that inner anxiety about Angela’s safety. While she’s definitely let up on it quite a bit, she makes it a habit to always know where she is. Yeah, nice try Angela but it’s not happening.

Who runs up and hugs their partner while the other catches them?

Angela

Who presses their nose against their partner’s cheek before kissing them?

Amanda

Who accidentally snorts when they laugh and it just makes both of them laugh harder?

Amanda

What are some things they do for their partner because the other knows they hate it?

Angela will always do the dishes. It’s the one chore Amanda absolutely hates and Angela would gladly take care of it. She also makes sure that she’s the one who drives them when they get coffee or takeout because Amanda can never decide and holding people up stresses her out. Meanwhile Amanda kills the scary bugs. She knows Angela will cry if she has to. She’s also always the one to care of things outside of the bedroom during thunderstorms because the thunder is too overstimulating for Angela.

Who giggles uncontrollably when the other picks them up?

Angela

When did they fall in love with each other?

Angela definitely felt a tug from day one, but it was the day they read Reddit stories together that she knew she was in love. Amanda had also always had a bit of crush, but the day they played Trivial Pursuit and Angela made her laugh almost every time was the day Amanda realized “I love this woman so fucking much.”

What was their first kiss like?

It was a little stressful considering they were in the ER after Angela broke her wrist, but they wouldn’t want it any other way. Angela decided to take the risk by initiating it, just deciding to shoot her shot after Amanda said Angela was her favorite. For Amanda, it wasn’t like anything she’d ever imagined (because she had imagined it). It was soft, sweet, and it felt like they were on a different planet.

If they argue and there’s a silent treatment, who breaks it first, apologizing and begging for a hug?

Angela

Who makes the other blush without even trying and they find it super endearing?

Amanda

How do they hold each other when the other asks to be held?

Angela just wants Amanda to hold her in her lap while she clings to her like a koala. Amanda likes it when Angela holds her from behind, as it’s easier for Angela to brush her hair that way.

Who breaks out the first aid kit when one of them gets a paper cut?

Amanda

Where did they first say “I love you?’”

The ER

Height difference or age difference?

Both. Amanda is five years older and nearly a foot taller.

Who likes to stargaze?

Angela

Who buys cereal for the prize inside?

Angela

How do they handle plane rides together?

The plane does make Amanda a little nervous. Something about being so high up in the air with so many strangers for a long period of time is not something she’s into. So Angela makes sure she has everything she needs; a good book she enjoys, a heating pad for her neck, and an eye mask. She also holds her hand while they take off, letting her squeeze it even if it hurts. Meanwhile Angela loves flying. She always takes the window seat so she can look outside and point everything out to Amanda even if they’re high up.

Who accidentally becomes a meme?

Angela. It’s already happened.

If they went to couples yoga, how would they do?

Horribly. Amanda would actually try and focus but it wouldn’t matter because Angela would just keep making stupid faces and mocking the instructor. Then they couldn’t stop giggling and eventually were asked to leave.

Who is in love with the other person’s laugh?

Amanda

Who would run a bath for the other person?

Angela

Who runs their thumb over the other person’s skin to comfort them?

Amanda

Who covers the other person with a blanket when they fall asleep anywhere other than the bed?

Amanda

*NSFW: Skip to the first fluff headcanon if you don’t want to read it*

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to them during sex?

There was a time when they were having sex in the living room and forgot that Tommy and a few of the others were coming over for a game night. They had the door unlocked and Tommy and a few of the others walk in on Amanda having Angela pinned to the wall, neither of them wearing clothes. No one in the cast is going to let that go any time soon, they’ll make fun of them forever.

What is the song they’d listen to during rough/hard/kinky sex?

Pink Panther by Scene Queen

What is the song they’d listen to while making love?

Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

Are they into roleplay or dress up during sex?

Not really

Do they prefer sex in the tub or in the shower?

Definitely in the shower. Angela has room to get on her knees and Amanda can pick her up and hold her against the wall.

Is there anything they do together after sex?

Mostly cuddle. Sometimes they fall asleep for a bit and when they wake up Amanda will usually make some kind of breakfast food.

What is something that will never fail to turn them on?

For Angela it’s the way Amanda somehow always manages to sneak behind her and whisper something dirty in her ear, wherever they are. For Amanda it’s pretty much the way Angela has the ability to eye fuck her and squeeze her in places she’d never thought would feel as good as they did.

What’s their favorite body part on the other?

For Angela, it’s Amanda’s breasts. For Amanda it’s Angela’s legs.

*NSFW Over*

Who showers their pet with affection?

Angela

Who can lift the other up?

Amanda

Who is better at Mario Kart?

Angela

Who is touch starved and while it’s funny at first the other realizes that their partner hasn’t had much physical affection in their life?

Angela

Who gets jealous easier?

Definitely Amanda. She’s already protective of Angela and when it comes to strangers trying to touch or flirt with her it’s on site.

Who feeds the ducks at the park?

Angela

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Okay, hi, here I am oversharing on the internet again about my parents lol, but I swear sometimes they're right out of a damn romance movie. I was reminded of this a little with the Surprise Pregnancy trope and I'd love to one day see someone write something with an adoption aspect (hi I am an adoptee). Trigger warning, though, brief mention of miscarriages. So, my parents were never able to carry a pregnancy past first term and it broke my mother's heart because (beyond being a badass scientist) being a mother was one of her biggest dreams. I think it was two or three miscarriages before my mother decided she had to make some kind of peace with herself or she was gonna drive herself crazy. So, she decided if she was meant to be a mom, she had to trust that it would happen one day, but that she was also deliriously happy with the family she had with my dad and their goofy ass Bassett hound. And then, the night she felt she made this peace, she got a call from a student that had worked under her at the college she and my dad were employed at - the student was pregnant and had realized she wasn't ready to be a mother, was leaving her dick of a fiancé, and needed to know this baby was going somewhere that they'd be cared for and protected and loved to pieces. And my parents agreed immediately to adopt. And that's how I got here, raised by two of the coolest people on the planet and having grown up absolutely loved to pieces by my whole family <3 I'm not sure why I feel so comfy telling you my life story, lol, but you make it easy, and one day when the inspiration fairies visit, I may try and write about it.

RAI. This is beautiful. Your parents sound so incredible and I'm so glad you got to grow up with such a wonderful family because it also meant that I got to meet you! Even if only through Tumblr lol

I feel the same way about my best friend's family seeming like they can't be real. They've been through a ton of shit (like, a lot of shit), but sometimes they act like a fucking Hallmark movie, and I have told them all to their faces. They find it hilarious and have to admit that they agree.

I AM ALSO ADOPTED, HELLO.

My circumstances are a bit different. My parents already had two boys and wanted a girl so badly. My mom is a pied piper and adores kids (no joke. If there are kids around, I GUARANTEE THAT THEY WILL GRAVITATE TOWARD HER). She would literally adopt every orphan in the world if my dad would let her.

They decided to adopt a girl and ended up doing it internationally. The main thing I know about my birth parents is that my mom was sixteen when she had me. But other than that, not too much.

I've struggled a lot with identity, but my mom is one of my favorite people in the world. My family is also very white and I am very Asian. So the funniest thing is that THEY WILL FORGET THAT I AM NOT WHITE BECAUSE THEY FORGET I AM NOT BLOOD. So, that has led to my mother filling out medical forms incorrectly and having to ask for a new one, and acquaintances thinking my brothers are cheating on their wives until they DRAMATICALLY point at me and go "SISTER. mEET MY SISTER. MY ASIAN SISTER." 😂😂😂

Which is also why I find the gif of the guy at a hockey game with his sister so hilarious:

I love that you feel comfortable enough to share with me! And I hope that you are having a wonderful day!!! 😊💕

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[giordirossi]

             GIORDANA ROSSI || Character Breakdown

Put under a read more for your viewing pleasure/to save the dash.

What is their go-to takeaway food, and what do they usually order?

Sushi and she tries something different almost every time. Favorites include anything involving spicy or avocado.

Who is their go-to drunk dial?

It doesn’t happen often because he’d lord it over her and make jokes until the end of time, but Vincenzo. She’s perfectly content with calling him 3 times in a row while sober.

If they take the tube, what’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to them?

She drives or walks to avoid 1) being groped in a crowded space or 2) being confronted by a man who smells like crackers and says that she looks like she could play tambourine in his band.

Has your character ever gotten so drunk they pissed themselves?

Not even once. Getting deeply inebriated wouldn’t be safe considering her line of work and she never feels comfortable not being in control of her own body. It would literally never happen.

Have they ever lost someone close to them, and how do they remember them? (Listen to old voicemails; look at old photos, etc.)

Not in death. I think she considers Frankie getting married a sort of loss though and she certainly hasn’t been mature about his choice of wife. There’s a little fear of abandonment in him moving away from the family, so do with that info what you will. She remembers him by being an annoying little sister and intruding on his life.

On the other hand, losing fellow Sovrani comes with the territory and while it can be infuriating, she was never close with them.

How many people has your character fucked?

It’s a lower number than you might think. She’s Catholic so there is a modicum of religious guilt mixed in with one-nighters and because of that, Giordana is actually a bit particular about the people she lets close enough to see her in such a vulnerable state.

Then you factor in the nature of her work/general attitude/quickly getting bored of people, all of which make it difficult to find a real connection. 

Generally speaking, people she goes home with are either meant to be a quick fix with minimal talking (so she doesn’t have to think), or she chooses them because of a weird, kindred spirit thing that she can’t put her finger on and the memory of that person bugs her for awhile. The latter happens very, very rarely.

Which reality TV show would your character best fit?

She would make a great demo girl on any house flipping show. Just give her a sledge hammer.

Most expensive pair of shoes they own?

Giordana’s style is classy and understated. She’s also very careful with money so the most expensive pair that she owns are black Jimmy Choo heels.

Go-to karaoke song, and can they sing it well?

She doesn’t do karaoke, but she’ll watch. If need be, she’ll do I Love Rock 'N Roll by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts because it’s easy.

Did they party in their younger years? What were they like, and where did they go?

Giordana joined the Sovrani as a teenager and spent a long time working her way up/building her reputation from scratch. So she never really had a stereotypical adolescence or early 20s, which means partying wasn’t her main priority during that time. 

Honestly she goes out more now at 30 and while that’s still fairly young, not having been in the scene during her formative years means she has some restraint to avoid going balls to the wall.

How many Disney/Disney Pixar movies has your character seen, and which is their favourite?

A good few and she really loves The Nightmare Before Christmas, Mulan, and Treasure Planet. Monsters, Inc is also one of the funniest movies she’s ever watched. Coco gets an honorable mention for being, in her opinion, the most beautiful Pixar film ever created.

Red Bull or Monster?

Red Bull, she’s not a 16 year old boy.

Has your character ever been to a music festival? Which? Did they enjoy it?

No. She considered trying Coachella at one point, but it seemed crowded and full of fake instagram girlies. So hard pass on that.

If you character had to gear up for a fight, what would they bring?

Giordana firmly believes that the most important thing you can bring to a fight is your mind. Weapons are useful, she herself would probably choose a shiv for the ease and it being lightweight, but nothing is more valuable or deadly than a person who can outwit somebody else in the middle of a brawl.

Who would they bring as their backup?

Giorgio or Rina. Vinnie if she must, but he’s a big time leader boy now and she would never risk him. More often than not, she’s his backup.

Who would your character kill/have assassinated if there were no consequences?

Melissa Lin. :)

What are their favourite three toppings for a pizza?

Spinach, mushroom, extra cheese.

How do they keep fit? What does their training regimen look like?

5 mile morning runs and she uses her home gym several times per week. Fitness is not something Giordana is willing to compromise or give up, in a fight it could mean the different between life or death.

Nutella or peanut butter?

Peanut butter.

Is your character married? If so, what was their wedding like? If not, how do they imagine their wedding will one day be?

She’s never been married and I don’t think she imagines it much at all. Giordana doesn’t get on with people or let them in very often so that makes the concept of marriage very abstract for her. On a deeper level, she also can’t fathom the idea of someone sticking around very long after knowing who and what she is. Nobody wants to marry a monster.

If they could visit any country in the world, which would it be?

Italy. Which is a cop out and she knows it, but I headcanon that she’s quite attached after visiting the country often in her youth, not just for the Sovrani. 

Which is their favourite of the countries they’ve already visited?

Giordana really loved a brief trip that she made to Costa Rica. It’s a special country.

What is their favourite cologne/perfume?

Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium.

Red wine or white wine?

Red, but she won’t turn her nose up at white.

Are they any good at playing Monopoly?

She’s the best cheater there is. Don’t let her be the bank.

Have they ever played a video game? Like Red Dead Redemption II, for example.

Does Mahjong on her phone count? Though I feel like she played DDR as a kid, don’t ask why.

What is their favourite type of weather to be stuck in?

Thunderstorm. She really, really loves the way that the sky changes color and the air feels charged with electricity.

Do they like living in London, or is their being here more of a necessity than a choice?

Absolute necessity, she would not have voluntarily relocated here on her own. Alas, she will go wherever Vincenzo does.

What’s the wildest thing that’s ever happened to them at an airport?

Being stalked by a Russian asset from security until her gate. Just barely made it. She also once had an 8 hour layover, which doesn’t sound that crazy but iykyk.

Have they ever been caught up in a natural disaster?

No, but I think she’d probably do well in a nightmare disaster scenario. Would she enjoy it? Not even a little. But she’d survive.

What is their usual coffee shop order?

She doesn’t drink coffee, she runs on spite.

Have they ever watched American Football? Did they think it was just rugby for bitches?

Well, IT IS. She thinks American Football has too many commercials, too many rules, and isn’t as exciting as rugby. (yes this is a biased answer)

If they had to join another mob (erasing their current affiliations entirely) which do you think your character would fit best?

As much as she loathes the idea of it, the Italians don’t call her their Russian for no reason. 😬

Has your character ever killed anyone? If so, what’s their kill count?

It is quite literally her job, but I don’t think she keeps a running tally because that’s weirdo behavior. 

If I had to assign a legitimate number and not say something ridiculously OP’d about her abilities/the reality of what it takes to efficiently kill a person without getting caught, the number is probably closing in on 75. Which is still very high all things considered.

Which is their favourite borough of London to spend time in?

Westminster? Idk she just got to London, but she likes that area.

Do they have any interesting /important family members or ancestors?

She wouldn’t know because she has no idea who she was before being adopted into the Rossi fam. So TBD on if that past becomes a factor in her future. :)

Who are your character’s top three celebrity crushes?

Amal Clooney, Hugh Jackman, and Harrison Ford (both young and old).

If mob affiliations didn’t exist, who would your character be most attracted to on the dash?

I’m including who she’s already attracted to, but alas... Gideon, Ayaz, Yvonne, Azra.

What’s the name of the first pet they owned, and what kind of animal was it?

A cat named Milo.

Do they have a former friendship they miss/wish they could revive?

Nope. She’s basically Spongebob with 3 friends drawn on her fingers.

[faithandbuffy]

S-U-N for the fandom alphabet ask

Thank you!!

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

My fave headcanon is that buffy and faith have a stronger connection than the show lets on, and that they share dreams on a semi frequent basis, also that faith felt it when buffy died

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

disregarding faith and buffy because duh, these are first three that popped into my head.

sameen shaw from person of interest because i find her personality so intriguing and i could think about how she "doesn't care" but really intensely cares for hours.

adora from she-ra. like? it's a kids cartoon but adora has so much depth and i'm a sucker for the weight-of-the-world hero archetype. the voice acting elevates her, she's the funniest character in the show, and her arc in s5 is so so good. also she has big sword big muscles.

amalia true from the nevers, which i think 3 people on the planet watched. she's from the future, she can see the future, she's hench as fuck, she has this intense sense of duty to something she doesn't even really understand. her dynamic with pretty much every character is super interesting, i love when she lets her guard down a little and i'm forever mad i don't live in a parallel universe where the nevers wasn't created by an asshole and ran for more than 12 episodes.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

okay i don't often give my opinions about the doctor who fandom in general because it tends to cause unwanted discourse but i will take the opportunity now bc i've thought about this stuff a lot.

first of all I wish there was more grace given to the show before a series has even aired. like now there's all these people getting annoyed about things in the new series that we haven't even seen yet, and it the episodes might be really good, we don't know! and i don't mean the bigots complaining about it being woke, i mean the actual fans! so many people were up in arms about david tennant coming back before the specials had even come out! trust the process and hope for the best!

second wish is that people realise multiple takes about a character or episode can coexist. the one that comes to mind is the whole human nature/family of blood debate. was the way martha was treated in these eps racist by the show runner and by the characters within the show? yes. was it also done intentionally to feed into her overall arc of recognising her own self worth and culminating in her leaving the doctor because she realises she should be treated better? also yes! just because one is true doesn't mean the other is not also a valid point and you don't always have to take a side as long as you recognise the racist implications and don't steamroll black fans when they rightfully critique these aspects. the same thing goes for pretty much anything to do with moffat as a show runner - you can recognise his misogynistic writing patterns without throwing out his whole era lol.

and third wish is that the fandom on the whole are more positive about the show in general. the whole reason i left twitter was because i think the majority of fans were getting bogged down in hating on various aspects of the show over and over while barely talking about bits they actually liked! i think valid criticism is one thing, but it gets to a point where you just wanna say "if you hate this aspect so much, why are you devoting so much time and brain power to hating on it!" the show has so much to love over its long history that it makes a far more enjoyable fandom experience to focus on the bits you love and just limit your engagement with the bits you don't like. fandom is supposed to be fun, you should not be getting this angry over 3 series of a 39 series show fr.

[abimee]

i do not remember (or, i guess, know) much about final fantasy exceptt watching my dad play ff13 because he wanted to show me how cool it looks anyways i wnated to ask you about. the little cactus people. if they are people? their faces always look like :0 how do you feel about them i think theyre neat (and i hope they arent actually really annoying in gameplay or something) your posts about final fantasy reminded me how nice it was to watch my dad play that game and have no idea what the hell was going on but he was having fun which is the important part

heehee those are the CACTUAR

theyre funny little low level enemies out in Thanalan so i dont think people think about them much anymore but theyre super cute I think. they're also the mascot for the game and universe's Casino, the Gold Saucer, and theyre called the Sabotenders

there's also another version of them on another planet in this game called the Gigantender, and one of them is fucking. spicy hot red because it's a special kill mark, and their head has SMALLER CACTUAR shapes on it. this is the maliktender and me and my bestie love this big ol bitch that when he met up with me and moosh and spotted it in the distance we both RAN to it

theres also a cute questline to get the cactuary minion where you have to find a zombie's three cactuar friends and my favorite bit about it is you find a cactuar friend of his bathin in a hot spring under a waterfall. its just super cute

you also learn my favorite blue mage spell 1000 NEEDLES from a cactuar too. idk why this is my favorite blue mage spell and its not really an interesting fact but i love sharing it :]

OH AND MY BESTIE HAS A MINION OF THE GIGANTENDER. AND YOULL NEVER GUESS WHAT ITS CALLED.

MICRO GIGANTENDER

overall; cactuar are super good. theyre also in WORLD OF FINAL FANTASY which is a video game i really love and they make me laugh because theyre the shitheadiest enemies where theyll jump you for a fight, dodge your hit, and then run away when its their turn. literally the funniest thing ever. kiss your

WAIT I FORGOT THERES ALSO MOON CACTUAR. THE LUNATENDER!!!!!

this is the killmark like the maliktender on the moon ^ known as the lunatender queen. shes so beauty. and her little commonplace guys the regular lunatenders who pose all day v

you can also get TWO!!!!! minions of these guys. one is the prince lunatender (i own) and the ROYAL lunatender (i own)

also not really related to the cactuars but there used to be a crafting ingredient called the lunatender blossom that people were hiking up in price like nuts on the marketboard and so i went in and undercutted them to make their day worse and so whenever i see the lunatenders i smile so wide

overall (AGAIN): we love the cactuar. the lunatenders. and they love you

[presidentbungus]

HC for spy is that he makes terrible jokes all the time. He tries to keep this aloof, sophisticated air about him but if there’s an opportunity for a joke that will make whoever’s in earshot groan he’ll do it. (I say this partially because he makes puns in game and they’re just... awful)

oh good lord. he’s all ohohoh I’m so sophisticated. water? what’s that? I only drink 1000000 dollar wine and I came out of the womb wearing a silk suit that I spent my entire life savings on. but then someone will do something he finds a tiny little bit amusing and you can hear his frankly violent laughter several states Away. along with the “joke” that comes after that. most of his jokes basically boil down to some variation of ”you suck and I hate you”. or puns. but he doesn’t do the puns very much because he rarely survives the aftermath

slightly related. I don’t understand how people think he’s suave and cool and whatever. if you find him sexy that’s your own business but like… you know his kill lines? like the best thing he can say after he kills a medic is “diagnosis: YOU SUCK !!!!” and then he laughs like it’s the funniest fuckign thing in the world. in another life spy wouldve been that one guy in online FPS lobbies who says “get gud“ after every (rare) kill he gets and has never had a positive K/D ratio in his life. I don’t understand it. he is the lamest fucking man on the planet. I want to push him in a puddle and laugh at him when he starts crying about it

[moonlit-jeno]

Anonymous said: Hyuck with 10, 25, and 6 pls and thanks

explicit sexual content, fem reader

“Hey, Hyuck? I'm not trying to put you on the spot, but I'd really like to know why you have an entire album dedicated to hentai porn."

Your best friend shrugs, taking the time to down the contents of his redbull before tossing the can at the trash bin. It hits the wall before falling to the floor with a sad clink, laughably far away from his target. “What do you mean why? You have nasty shit downloaded too, don’t you?“

“Not this.” You also don’t have anything saved. The virus you’d gotten from downloading Twilight off of a sketchy website when you were 10 scared you away from willingly saving anything from the internet.

Hyuck shrugs like you’re missing out on something. “How’d you find that anyways? Thought you were borrowing my computer to write your essay.“ “I was. I thought the folder titled “academic resources” might have, y’know. Academic resources.”

“What’d you want me to call it? My hentai folder?” Hyuck uses the tone he reserves for arguing with Renjun and it makes it ten times harder to hide your laugh. “I couldn’t name it anything risky. Mark would find it.” He cackles as if exposing his best friend is the funniest thing on the planet. It kind of is. “The fuckers too horny and paranoid for his own good. Refuses to look it up himself.” You raise your eyebrows and turn back to the computer, clicking through some of the thumbnails before closing the album with a wrinkled nose. “You prefer this shit to actual women?”

“Well, I mean. I don’t have an actual woman here.” You make an offended noise and he reconsiders. “Oh, I guess you count. You wanna fuck?”

Normally you’d say no, but your dedication to procrastinating your essay is astounding. Plus, you’ve fucked around with Donghyuck before. Your best friend is insufferable, yes, but he's also hot and good with his mouth. “Right now?”

“I mean, yeah. I did buy these glow in the dark condoms and I have no one to use them with. Are you busy tonight?” Hyuck opens his drawer and reveals that he does indeed have glow-in-the-dark condoms.

“I’m terrified to ask what else you’re into.” You raise your eyebrows before settling yourself on his bed, unhooking your bra and tossing it at him. His lips part and his eyes linger on the shape of your breasts through your shirt before he gathers himself.

A rather horrible wink is sent your way. “Stick around and find out.” “Ugh. No thanks.” You slide your pants off and swing one leg over to straddle him. His hands go automatically to your hips, steadying you. There’s a moment of silence where you just stare at each other before he moves a hand up to cup your jaw, thumb stroking over your cheek before pulling you forward to meet his lips.

The kiss is slow at first, unhurried as he savors the first taste of your lips, and then it grows deeper, more insatiable. His tongue slips into your mouth and his hand squeezes at your ass, encourages you to rock yourself against his lap. He lets out a depraved sound when you tug at his hair, head falling back to give you access to his neck, which you waste no time marking up. It’s satisfying to see him this wrecked, eyes heavily lidded and lips swollen from kissing, cock a pleasant hardness for you to grind on.

“Hyuck,” You moan, breaking the kiss to pant into the open air. “Fuck me.”

“S-shit, yeah.” He rushes to get undressed, ripping open the condom. The face he makes when he strokes his cock to make sure the condom is in place is one of the hottest things you’ve ever seen and it makes you clench your legs together in need, though he thankfully doesn’t see it. You frown when he walks away from you. “Hang on, I wanna see if these really do glow in the dark.” He goes to hit the light switch and you scream. “Donghyuck! I don’t want the image of your floating, glowing dick ingrained in my head!” Thankfully, he doesn’t turn the lights off. “Why would it be floating?” “Because the rest of you isn’t glowing?” You point out, screaming again when his face lights up and he cries out a ‘that’s even cooler!’ “Donghyuck! If you don’t fuck the living daylights out of me in the next 5 minutes, I’m going to pass out.” “Okay, okay, I’m coming. I mean not yet, obviously. But that’s what you’re going to be saying soon!” He joins you on the bed and you rub your forehead, suddenly regretting your decision to fuck him.

“I literally hate you.” You grumble, though your actions say differently as you easily let him slide his hands between your thighs. A soft moan leaves you when he drags the tips of his finger through your folds, putting just a little extra pressure on your clit.

Donghyuck laughs. “And yet you’re still soaking wet.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” Your words lack authority, all the oxygen in your lungs exiting in a whoosh when he sucks your arousal off of his fingers. He gives you a mock salute and then he’s settling between your legs, lining himself up at your entrance.

“Ready?” His eyes are serious and you nod, licking your lips in anticipation.The movement doesn’t escape him and his lips are on yours in the next second, a heated kiss that you moan into when he slides in you achingly slow. His cock fills you to the brim and it has your jaw going slack, your head pressing deep into the pillows as you arch into it. “Can’t believe that’s all it takes to have you drooling.” Donghyuck’s voice is meant to be teasing but you can hear how breathless he is, pride halting his moans in his throat.

You clench around him as hard as you can and he nearly collapses, a whine ripping out of his chest. “Now who’s drooling?” You bite back, laughing breathlessly. Donghyuck laughs too, but it’s humorless and there’s a dark look in his eyes.

“Still you, baby.” He whispers, face centimeters away from your own. A little bit of spit passes from his lips to yours and he smears the saliva around your lips with his thumb, smiling when you suck willingly on the digit. “So fucking hot.”

Donghyuck pulls your legs around his waist and groans as he gets that much deeper, fucking into you with slow, fluid thrusts. It feels so good, being split open on his cock like this, but it’s frustratingly slow. You can feel the drag of his cock inside of you with an amplified intensity and you can’t decide if it’s too much or not enough. It makes your head spin. “Hyuck, faster.” You moan out, raking your hand through his sweaty hair. “Fuck me faster.” He must be feeling it too because he doesn’t tease you for once in your life, simply clenching his jaw in concentration and picking up the pace until all you can hear is the sound of skin slapping on skin, your moans joining the sound in a sinful melody. Your nails dig into his back and you pull him closer, grabbing onto him for dear life. And Hyuck doesn’t falter, just keeps fucking you like it’s his job, burying his face in your neck before dipping down to kiss at your breasts. His lips wrap around one of your nipples and you cry out, arching into it. The bliss of everything he’s doing to you is overwhelming you so much that you don’t even realize you’re going to cum until you’re right there, so close you can taste it, and you nearly tear up with how tightly you scrunch your eyes closed.

Donghyuck cums mere second after you, mouth pressed hotly to your neck in an attempt to muffle his moans. You drag his lips back up to yours with one hand fisted in his hair and meet him in one of the sloppiest kisses you’ve ever had. It feels so good that you can’t bring yourself to care, whimpering softly into it when he pulls out and leaves you achingly empty. He gives you a goofy grin and all but collapses onto his side, facing you.

“You're glowing.” Donghyuck says, and it’s so sweet that it makes you go all warm and fuzzy for a moment before he ruins it. “Just like my glow in the dark condoms.” A groan leaves you and you flop away from him. “You’re never fucking me again.”

[fruitcoops]

Eve, I LOVE binging your masterlist. I was wondering if I could request a short lil story where someone reminds Jules that since Remus + Sirius got married, then Sirius and Reg are his brothers now too and Jules gets really excited about having TWO more older brothers after Coops' wedding? If not, totally fine!! Have a great year!!

Part 2 of the Coops Wedding series! It’s finally here after my computer was possessed and deleted the first version--this one is just over 4k words, so I hope that makes up for the delay! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove <3

Preparations II Part 1

Remus had never been much of a dancer—despite his speed on the ice, he had two left feet and only the barest hint of rhythm. However, dancing at his wedding was a different story.

Sirius twirled him in a small circle, smiling from ear-to-ear as their friends and family spun around them to the beat blasting through the speakers. They still had three hours until sunset, and Remus was planning on spending every second of it with Sirius’ hand in his own. He pulled him in for another kiss—our tenth today? Twentieth? One hundredth? Who cares—and pulled away with a laugh as Jules and Katie bumped into the backs of his thighs.

“Watch it!” he called, ruffling Jules’ hair as they passed in a dramatic tango. Katie shrieked with giggles as Dumo swept her into his arms, spinning her around with a broad smile. Hope took Jules’ hands while Phil Collins began to sing about love, happiness, and everything Remus was already holding in his arms.

“Hey!” Sirius said over the music, giving Remus a squeeze.

“What?”

“I love you!”

“I hope so!” Remus laughed, spinning Sirius under his arm before reeling him in to bump their noses. “Not bad for a wedding we planned in six weeks, eh?”

Sirius shook his head, grinning. “We were engaged for ten months. How did we put that off for so long?”

“Because we’re busy all the fucking time.”

“We’re not going to be busy for three whole months,” Sirius said giddily as he picked Remus up a few inches with ease. He paused for a moment, scanning his face as if he was trying to memorize it.

“What’re you thinking about?” The were close enough that Remus hardly had to raise his voice above a murmur.

“We get to do this every day for the rest of our lives.”

His words hit Remus like a semitruck of affection and tears prickled his eyes as he leaned down for a kiss; Sirius set him down to kiss him properly, hands gently bracketing his jaw. “You are the most incredible person,” Remus said against his lips. “How the hell did I get so lucky?”

“I could ask you the same.” Sirius smiled and rested their foreheads together. “Come on, I think Celeste wants to cut the cake soon.”

Remus looked over at the folding table on the other side of the dance floor and stifled a laugh; Celeste, in her pretty blue party dress, was adjusting the cake by millimeters and glanced at her watch every few seconds, as if she was afraid people were going to leave. “I’m dying to know what she eventually decided on for the flavors.”

Sirius hummed his agreement and pulled Remus along by the hand—they didn’t even have to say anything before the rest of the small crowd followed them and gathered around the table. “Wait, wait, wait!” Celeste gasped, taking her phone out of Dumo’s pocket. After a few seconds of quiet, she nodded and centered it on them. “D’accord.”

“Ready?” Remus set his hand on top of Sirius’ and the hilt of the knife, pushing slowly down as it cut through the white frosting in a smooth glide. It was perfectly baked; not a single crumb stuck to the blade as they pulled it out.

“Here we go,” Sirius muttered as they took the first piece out. “Vanilla!”

“Orange, actually,” Celeste said, beaming. “The next layer is chocolate.”

“Celeste.” Remus gave her a tight hug before passing her along to Sirius, who bent down so she could kiss his cheek.

“Merci, maman,” he said quietly. “C’est parfait.”

“Surprise!” She did little jazz hands before handing them two forks from the end of the table. “Oh, this is so exciting. You have to try it, I don’t know if it’s good. I’ve never made an orange cake before.”

“Hurry up, Cap, we’re hungry!” Logan called from the back of the crowd. Sirius pulled a face at him and carefully slid the piece onto a paper plate before linking his elbow with Remus’.

Remus took a forkful of the cake and held it to Sirius’ mouth—just as he went to eat it, Remus scooted it to the side. “Ope, a little to the left, love.”

“Remus.”

“Oh, you almost had it! Not quite that far.” He could hear Jules giggling and grinned, moving it two inches to the right as Sirius tried to get it a third time.

“Remus!”

“What? It’s not my fault you can’t catch a fork!”

Sirius finally grabbed his elbow and held it in place to get the cake into his mouth, narrowing his eyes at Remus. “Only you would be mean to me on our wedding day.”

“I’m not being mean.” Remus kissed his nose. “Just keeping things interesting.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Sirius got his own bit of cake and held it up. “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”

The second his eyes shut he regretted his decision, but before he could shout a full paper plate of cake smacked into his face with a splat. Everyone gasped, then burst out laughing as the plate fell back down onto the table. Remus slowly wiped frosting from his eyes, flicking it down onto the grass. “That was mean.”

“That was payback,” Sirius corrected.

“See, I would believe you, except I know you’ve been planning to do that for at least three days.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t do it first,”

“C’mere, you.” Remus reached half-blindly for his tie, pulling him in for a sugary kiss and feeling around with his other hand for the plate. He pulled away and, before Sirius could open his eyes, smushed the leftover cake right onto his forehead.

Sirius licked his lips. “Celeste, the cake is fantastic. Do you think it’ll moisturize?”

She was laughing too hard to respond, but she blew him a kiss in between drying her eyes. Remus took a napkin of his own and wiped his face off, licking as much of it off his hands as he could. “Oh, please don’t wait for us to clean up,” he said, motioning the still-laughing crowd forward. “We’ll be here for a while.”

“Whose fault is that?” Sirius teased.

“Yours!”

They ended up ducking into the kitchen to wash up while Dumo and Celeste passed out slices of cake. “I hope there will be some left over for us,” Sirius said as Remus washed the crumbly frosting from his hair. “From the little I got, it was amazing.”

“Yeah, she nailed the orange flavor.” Remus leaned on the front of the sink, watching people mill around or return to the dance floor for one more song before enjoying their cake. The buzz of their mingled voices dripped with joy and he smiled to himself, soaking in the feeling of his family’s happiness.

Warm arms encircled his waist as Sirius’ chin rested on his shoulder. They said nothing and waited in utter silence until Remus laced their fingers together and headed back out into the summer sunshine.

----------------------------

An hour later, a dozen mismatched plates of food laid decimated on the folding table with a quarter of a wedding cake left as James headed toward the dance floor alone, clutching a piece of paper. He stopped just in front of Remus and Sirius’ table and winked at them.

“Hey, everyone. If you don’t know me, which I find difficult to believe for a number of reasons, I’m James Potter, the groom’s best friend. Yes, both of them.” He paused for a moment to let the laughter roll through. “However, I didn’t want a fight to break out over who got to have me as their best man—”

“There was no fight,” Remus corrected with a grin. “The loser got you, Pots.”

“And a lucky loser he is,” James shot back playfully before clearing his throat. “I met Sirius Black six and a half years ago, when he was eighteen and awkward. We were both awkward, actually, but he had this uncanny ability to make it look cool while I tripped over my own feet.

“The minute I met Sirius, I knew we were going to be friends. He was quiet, a little shy, and didn’t really know how talk to people. In that way, we were exactly alike.” The laughter was even louder that time and Sirius shook his head. “Ah, who am I kidding. I adopted Sirius as my best friend because I thought it would be hilarious to corrupt him.”

James glanced down at Sirius with a smile. “While I attempted to make an extrovert out of him, I learned several important things: number one, he is the least extroverted person I’ve ever met. Two, he is one of the kindest, funniest people on the planet. And three, my life had been severely lacking without him in it.”

A soft ‘aww’ washed over the group and Remus ran his thumb over Sirius’ knuckles.

James looked back at the other tables as he continued. “Sirius Black is known to most of the world as one of the best hockey players of our time. To me, he’s the dorky little brother I never had, and I am so, so proud of him. I’ve had the privilege of watching him open up, not only to me, but to everyone else on the team that he loves with that big soft heart. When my son was born—you all know my son, right? I think I have a picture here somewhere—”

“No!” half the group shouted as James grinned.

“Just making sure you’re still awake. Anyway, when my son was born, naming Sirius godfather was literally the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I kinda sat back went ‘hmm, who is the first person I can think of to entrust with my child’s life?’ and the only natural decision was the one who is terrified of children.”

“Terrified is a bit of a strong word,” Sirius complained, though his eyes were shining.

“My bad, you’re petrified by children,” James corrected. “But in all seriousness—sorry, couldn’t resist—in all seriousness, I couldn’t think of anyone better suited to the job. I think that tells you everything you need to know about Sirius, actually. Even when he’s scared to death, he goes out of his way to help people when they need it.

“Sirius, however happy you are right now—and you’re basically glowing—I need you to know that it’s one tenth of how happy you have made the people you love.” James’ voice got a little tight and Sirius took an unsteady breath. “You are a natural leader and a great hockey player, but most importantly, you are an outstanding friend. You deserve every good thing coming your way, today and for the rest of your life. As your best man and your best friend, I’ll be there whenever you call.”

Sirius sniffled as James wiped his cheeks dry and turned to Remus. “Loops, take care of my little brother, alright?”

“You got it, Pots,” Remus said, barely above a whisper.

James nodded, then raised his glass of champagne. “To Sirius and Remus, and all the happiness they deserve.”

A loud cry of “cheers!” went up, followed by thunderous applause as Sirius got up and wrapped James in a full-body hug, nearly knocking them both over. They separated after a moment and James stood on his toes to kiss the top of Sirius’ head before they went back to their respective places.

“You okay?” Remus murmured, linking their hands together again.

“Fuck, I knew he was going to make me cry.” Sirius shook his head with a smile and sniffled once again. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

Lily raised an eyebrow as she stood James’ place. “Y’know, Re, I seem to recall you promising me a microphone if I did this.”

“Sorry to disappoint!” Remus called back, feeling a flutter of nerves in his stomach. Lily had refused to share any of her speech with him; when he tried to sneakily grab it once, she shoved it down her shirt and glared until he left the room.

“I’ll get over it.” She rubbed her fingers along the edge of her paper and sighed. “I’ve written and rewritten this speech about a dozen times since Re asked me to do it, but just being here—” She took a moment and blinked back tears. “It’s different. Just ignore me if I cry, okay?

Lily cleared her throat and turned back to the paper. “I met Remus Lupin six and a half years ago, on the same day James met Sirius for the first time. Personally, I think we should make that day a national holiday, since it irrevocably changed the course of both our lives. James found his best friend and little brother, and I found my Remus.

“One of the first things you will notice when you meet Remus is that he is friend shaped.” Several murmurs of agreement rippled through the crowd and Lily winked at Remus as he flushed pink. “Told you so. Honestly, Remus is one of those people who just exudes kindness. When I found out I was pregnant, he was the first person I told besides James. I knew Remus would not only keep my secret, but also be there in whatever capacity I needed because he cares. Truly, madly, deeply.”

Lily looked over to them with a soft, fond expression that made Remus’ stomach twist into knots. “In Sirius’ vows, he said you were sunshine through dark clouds, which is quite possibly my favorite descriptor of all time. It’s really sappy and cute, for one thing, but also true. Re, you bring light and warmth wherever you go. As someone who has been on the receiving end of that light, I can tell you that it is absolutely overwhelming in the best way. There are few places I feel safer than around you.

“And now we’re here, where you just married the love of your life.” The first tear slid down Lily’s cheek, dipping into her dimple as Remus’ own tracked down his chin. “God, Re, this is incredible. You two get to be together for the rest of your lives, and the rest of us have the best seat in the house to one of the greatest love stories of this century! I mean, c’mon, how many people can say they’ve made it through everything you did?”

Lily sniffled and raised her glass, though she maintained eye contact with him the whole time. “To Remus and Sirius, who remind us all what it looks like to be in love, even when the whole world tries to stand against you.”

A second ‘cheers’ began, but Remus was already on his feet and crashing into Lily, pulling her close as she clutched the back of his suit jacket. “I love you, Lils,” he choked out. “That was fucking incredible.”

“Love you too, Re.” She pulled back and carefully smudged her hands under her eyes to keep her makeup intact. “Ugh, sorry if I ruined your jacket with the waterworks.”

“You’re in good company.” She kissed each of his cheeks and fluffed the front of his hair up, making them both laugh as she took her seat again and Remus moved past his table with a last look to Sirius.

His mother’s eyes grew shiny with unshed tears as he held his hand out and guided her to the dance floor, where they swayed back and forth as Here Comes the Sun started to play, gentle and smooth. “Oh, you,” Hope managed as the lyrics began and Remus twirled her slowly. “I bet your father’s crying even though he’s not dancing.”

Remus glanced over to their table—as always, she was right. “He is. God, you’re good.”

“That’s what happens when you’ve been married for twenty-seven years,” she said, eyes crinkling. “Someday, that’s going to be you.”

He huffed softly. Don’t cry on mom, don’t cry on mom, don’t cry on mom. “You can’t just say stuff like that. It’s like kicking me while I’m down!”

“Little darlin’, it seems like years since it’s been clear,” she sang with a grin, tapping his nose. “Here comes the sun, dodododo, here comes the sun, and I say…”

“It’s all right,” Remus finished under his breath. The dance was over in an instant and after a thousand years at the same time—all too soon, people were clapping as they made their way back to the tables and Sirius walked over to Celeste.

She covered her mouth with her hands as he offered an arm, then nodded and accompanied him to the dance floor. He whispered something and she laughed, looping her arms around his neck with a bit of a stretch as a French song Remus had never heard came through the speakers and softened their smiles.

They talked quietly as they danced; Celeste was as elegant as ever and Sirius could be quite graceful when he put his mind to it. She traced his cheekbones with her thumbs and he closed his eyes, looking utterly at peace. Remus’ heartstrings tugged at the sight and he rested his chin on his hand, letting the waltz roll over him.

More applause followed their dance as Celeste held him in a tight embrace until a more upbeat song began and couples mobbed the dance floor. Sirius downed half his water in one gulp before sitting down with a heavy sigh, and dropped his forehead onto Remus’ shoulder. “You looked good out there,” Remus said, running a hand through his hair.

“So did you. I can’t feel my feet anymore.”

“I think we’re supposed to dance at our wedding.”

“I’m so hungry.”

Remus groaned; between the endless congratulations and conversations after the ceremony, they had no time to enjoy the assorted dishes people brought. “Same. We should go somewhere after this.”

“Other than home?”

“Home…” Remus trailed his lips to Sirius’ ear. “Is for other plans. Food happens elsewhere.”

“Good plan,” Sirius said, a little breathless as he sat back up and stood with a stretch. “Come on, sweetheart, the dance floor awaits.”

---------------------------

Thirty minutes after the sun set and Adele’s perfect fairy lights lit up the backyard, the party finally started winding down. Finn had fallen asleep with his head on Leo’s shoulder about ten minutes prior, but nobody had the heart to wake him; as the best dancer of the group, he had been a hot commodity for anyone looking to show off in addition to whirling both his boyfriends around.

Jules stumbled over to Remus and curled up in his lap without warning, snuggling his face into his chest with a jaw-cracking yawn. Regulus came up behind them a moment later, resting his hands on Sirius’ shoulders and scaring the daylights out of him. “Jesus f—frick, Reg!” he yelped, holding a hand over his heart.

“Sorry.” He didn’t look very apologetic as he turned to Remus. “Jules has been asking for you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Remus looked down and brushed the soft bangs from his eyes. “What’s up, buddy?”

“I love you,” Jules mumbled. “You got married. That’s so cool.”

Remus smiled. “It really is. Thanks for being the ring-bearer, by the way. You did a great job.”

Jules made a muffled noise before wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist with a sigh. “Mmkay. G’night.”

“You can’t fall asleep yet!” Remus tickled his side lightly. “We’re almost done, I promise.”

“What time is it?” Jules cracked an eye open and fumbled for his wrist, turning Remus’ hand over to check. “It’s not even ten! Why am I tired?”

“You’ve had a busy day. Do you know where mom and dad are?”

“Still talking.”

Remus surveyed the crowd and quickly spotted them next to the cubs, sipping water and sharing a piece of cake. He stood carefully, making sure Jules was steady on his hip before heading toward the table with Sirius and Regulus in tow. “We’ve got a tired munchkin,” he whispered when they arrived, depositing Jules into the chair next to his mother; within moments, Jules laid his head on the table.

“Love you, Re,” he said as he tucked his arms under his head. “Best big brother.”

“Best of all three?” Logan gasped in mock-surprise.

“Three?” Jules sat up straight and gave him a confused look. It was made extra adorable by the crooked cowlick decorating the whole right side of his head. “I only have one.”

“Now that Remus and Sirius are married, you’ve got two more big brothers,” Logan reminded him. “Regulus and Sirius count.”

“That’s crazy,” Jules yawned, cocking his head at the brothers. “Re is still my favorite, but you’re awesome and I love you, too.”

Regulus made a soft sound and Sirius kissed the top of Jules’ head. “Don’t tell anyone, but you’re my favorite Lupin,” he stage-whispered, laughing as Remus rolled his eyes.

Jules frowned. “You married one of us, and it sure wasn’t me.”

“Alright, second favorite,” Sirius conceded with a grin as the rest of the table laughed.

“Mama, I’m tired.” Jules traced the bead patterns on Hope’s dress.

“Okay, lovey, we can go home soon.” She raised an eyebrow at Remus and he nodded. “Do you want to say some goodbyes first?”

“We’ll see everyone tomorrow. ‘s okay.”

Lyall gathered Jules into his arms, then turned to Remus and pulled him close with a kiss to his forehead. “So proud of you, kiddo.” He looked over at Sirius for a moment. “Take good care of him, eh?”

“Sir, yes sir.” Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ temple as they separated, then moved aside for Hope.

She scanned his face for a moment, then touched their foreheads together. “Good luck, baby. Not that you need it, but you deserve it anyway.”

Remus pulled them both back in for a family hug, feeling Jules drape a drowsy arm around the back of his neck. “Thank you so much for being here. It means—it means everything to me.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Lyall whispered. “Now go, you two haven’t eaten anything tonight.”

“Thank you,” both of them breathed at the same time, sending the whole group into a fit of laughter.

They said a few more ‘thank you’s and goodbyes until the other Lions started a loud, incoherent cheer and all but chased them toward Sirius’ car, where a small ‘Just Married’ sign had been stuck on the back window. They were planning on keeping the wedding a secret from the media as long as they could—the reaction would be even more hilarious the longer they waited.

“What if—” Remus broke off into snickering as they pulled out of the Dumais’ driveway. “What if nobody notices?”

“What? That we’re married?” Sirius gave him a disbelieving look. “People are going to figure it out so fast, no matter how many times Pots changes the subject.”

Remus hummed and rested his hand on Sirius’ thigh as he drove, tapping along to the rhythm of the radio; the route was familiar to them both, even after the chaos of the day. A slow, unstoppable smile made his cheeks hurt. “We got married.”

“Damn right, we did.”

“Scuse me for a moment.” Remus rolled down his window and cleared his throat, then leaned out and whooped loud enough that people in the next state would probably be able to hear it. He calmly closed it once more, fighting down a smile. “Sorry, I just had to get that out.”

Sirius slowed and rolled his own window down, sticking his head out into the empty night air. “I got married!” he shouted at the top of his lungs with a wild grin. “I have a husband now! Just thought you should know!”

“Husband,” Remus mused as the car started moving again. “Hmm. I like the sound of that.”

“Me, too.”

[allaboardtheussharringrove]

So @billy-baby mentioned That 70’s Show and Harringrove, and it reminded me of a *whole ass* set of hc’s about a 70’s/Stranger Things AU that has been sitting in my notes for literal years collecting dust, so here it is:

-Billy & Hyde would be besties, probably neighbours in the same shitty neighbourhood

-They headbang to hard rock and metal, jam to 60’s & 70’s rock while drinking TONS of beer and hotboxing the Camaro and El Camino, respectively

-Bands they’d have in common: AC/DC, Black Sabbath & Ozzy Osbourne, Scorpions, KISS, Judas Priest, Van Halen, and Led Zeppelin just to name a couple

-Hyde always gives Billy shit for like, never wearing a shirt, Billy gives Hyde shit for his ever-present sunglasses & sideburns

-They know each other’s parental problems, and take refuge in the Forman’s basement/the empty Harrington house (yes, we’re talkin’ a Hawkins, Indiana/Point Place, Wisconsin mashup here)

-Billy still has a major crush on Steve (Harrington that is, Steven Hyde will only be referred to as Hyde [and that possible name mix-up could cause some hilarity whenever anyone calls out “Steven”, and some embarrassing rumour drama for Billy, Steve, & Hyde (or omg a block party at the Formans where Kitty calls out “William! Steven! Michael!” And she turns around and has Billy, Will, Hyde, Steve, Mike, and Kelso starting at her expectantly)])

-Billy probably also thinks Eric and Kelso are kinda cute, but total dumbasses, they both definitely annoy him

-Fez would have a totally awkward and hilarious crush on Billy, and you just know Billy would flirt with him on purpose just to make him nervous (this might make Steve a lil jealous and annoy him to no end)

-Jackie would have the BIGGEST crush on Steve, after Kelso, and drag him around to go shopping and shit, he would tolerate it but Billy would absolutely hate her as a “bitchy rich entitled snot-nosed brat” cause she would be vocal about him being poor and he’d have to be calmed down by Hyde and Steve all the time

-Billy would give Hyde an unimaginable amount of shit for going out with Jackie, hooo boy!

-Steve would get a kick outta Kelso, but I think he and Eric would be pretty close friends, with Steve always pushing to hang around at the Forman’s cause Eric’s parents are always present, as opposed to his empty house (he adores Kitty Forman for SURE as the mother he never had)

-But the gang would surely hold parties at the Harrington’s....and only sometimes get away with it (both these groups are known for their KEGS! and the 70’s teens would lose their damn minds over Keg Kings Billy & Steve)

-Billy would put the charm on for Kitty sometimes just to see her blush, and Red would get annoyed and just a little threatening saying something like “Like to see how charming you are with my foot up your ass” and Billy being the abused kid that he is automatically takes it a little too seriously- probably flinches, goes a little pale, stutters out a “Yes sir, sorry sir”

-This would make Kitty and Red a bit concerned, pay a visit to the Hargrove household- I wouldn’t be surprised if they experience Neil putting Billy down or catch a glimpse of a smack or something and they would for sure take action with Red intimidating Neil cause you know he could

-Anyway! Girls. Robin and Donna would be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER, cause Donna had no other cool girl friend to hang out with and you just KNOW Robin might have an “itsy bitsy” (huge) crush on Donna, cause she’s Hot Donna, also they’re both super into female empowerment (and honestly, when Donna/Eric break up I could see her maybe falling for Robin too)

-Donna and Billy would be buds, she might like him for a hot minute but be cool with him being gay (Out of everyone in the 70’s gang, I think he’d most likely share this with her - cause she’d probably figure it out - even if it’s just to gush about their dumb, brave, pretty brunette boys to each other)

-Max would LOVE Donna, not just because of the hair (but also redhead solidarity is important), but because they’re both badasses and would totally vibe together- Max, Billy, and Donna would be an unexpectedly fun trio (and Billy would complain about having to drive the “GingeTwins” around all the time or something to that effect)

-And Jackie having to babysit Erica (because Donna does it sometimes, but she’s out for the night) would be the best thing ever good lord, Erica would put Jackie in her place, but they’d probably make up some schemes together too

-Also Erica would be absolutely appalled at having a similar name to Eric, she’d probably call him something along the lines of “Supreme Nerd” or “King of the Nerds” and have an endless supply of unimpressed looks for him during their debates of whose name is better

-Eric would totally join Mike, Will, Lucas & Dustin in their nerd exploits (STAR WARS!) And he and Dustin would get into loooong nerd debates

-I think Kelso would join Dustin & Lucas (and maybe the other boys too) in doing mischievous experiments including but not limited to: pyrotechnics, wrist rockets, radios and electronics... He’d begrudgingly listen to the scientific explanations of the boys (which would all fly right over his head) and they would have a moderate success rate, but also have to run away from the trouble they’d get in

-Lucas and Hyde would always be cool, but after finding out about Hyde’s biological dad they could become closer (Hyde’s dad and Lucas would have the best banter)

-Will and Eric would geek out over comics, and I think Eric would be super nice/supportive about seeing Will’s drawings

-Jonathan would be pretty quiet at first, but might talk to Fez since they’re both kinda the odd man out in each group (and he’d be genuinely NICE to Fez, *side eyes 70’s teens*)- then he’d be roped into doing random/stupid/mildly illegal stuff with the gang

-And despite Billy & Hyde being besties, I think Jonathan would bond with Hyde over shitty dads (plus I think Hyde would love Joyce, and she’d be another offer of refuge for him & Billy) and WEED WEED WEED

-Actually that might definitely be a sub-trio: Jonathan, Billy, & Hyde- they’d all have each other’s backs when it came to family drama (and later on when Hyde gets his record store, he’d offer them both jobs and Jonathan would be over the fuckin’ moon and work there)

-Billy would for sure work for Red in his muffler shop, and Red would take him under his wing, probably unwittingly become the father figure Billy never had.

-Nancy, hmmm, well she’s on the richer side of town so her and Jackie might be friends? but she’d for sure get annoyed with Jackie’s shallow bullshit

-OH and Robin would also hate Jackie I think, ‘cause of her entitlement and relentless obsession with boys (poor Jackie, I’m not setting her up for anything great here huh)

-So that’d be why Steve is friends with her, if only ‘cause he feels bad when she alienates herself from the rest of the teens, they (and I hate to say this) *could possibly* date for like 5 minutes, it’d be a REALLY hard time for Billy...and Kelso. And those two would probably come up with some hairbrained scheme to break them up (and succeed, but each get ripped a new one because of it)

-But at least the group of teen girls would be bigger if Donna, Robin, Jackie, and Nancy all hung out together sometimes (and if they tried to have a sleepover or something there would be toooo many idiot boys trying to creep on them, I think Billy would be the voice of reason and tell them they’re all being dickheads)

-And he’d give Fez a fuck ton of shit for being such a voyeuristic creep, probably make him stop hiding in people closets (wait what? Fez is like constantly coming out of closets in that show?! hello?? is that a thing??? Oh ho-ho they’d have a whole talk about that)

-Steve would get a kick outta Fez, probably think he was the funniest dude on the planet, as I’d say they’re the goofballs of the group (and yes, I am mostly excluding the King Steve narrative from this and using only cool mom Steve, cool? cool.)

-Steve might also have a lil crush on Donna, (‘cause a strong personality and blue eyes is like his kink, we all know this) but Eric would throw a fit about that and then they’d be all buddy-buddy discussing Donna & Billy (I think Eric being kind of a dumbass about his own gay kiss might put Steve off for a bit [and make Billy super hesitant and real pissed], but I also think Eric would be cool with hearing Steve out about his big bisexuality-discovery-adventure)

-Donna and Eric trying set Steve and Billy up by saying they’re all gonna hang out, and then like locking Billy/Steve in a room together or something and leaving😈

-When Billy/Steve’s relationship comes out, Hyde’s reaction is probably “That’s cool, man” Kelso would make some corny statement about how hot *he* is, Fez would probably fangirl over it with big ole heart eyes, Jackie would be like “weird, whatever”, Kitty would get flustered and then overly excited about it after a while, Red would be uncomfortable but okay with it saying something like “I better not catch you two dumbasses doing anything in my house”

-Ohmygod, Red as a father figure to Billy, Kitty as a mother figure to Steve, and they end up being so supportive of the boys ‘cause they have to put up with so much parental shit (say what you want, but the Formans have compassion) and they convert their house/backyard into a little private prom for the whole gang just so Billy/Steve can dance together and be themselves

-Billy, Steve, and Robin would die laughing every time they saw/talked to Leo. And I feel like Robin would talk her way into a job at the Photo Hut and then just end up being the manager and hires Jonathan herself to do the developments

-And you know how Hyde is always punching Kelso in the arm? Well he’d always get one, and Billy would punch the other arm as he’d classify Kelso a special kind of idiot, they’d always be teasing Kelso together, but Billy (and Steve I’m sure) would have some wicked BURNS that Kelso would love

-Steve and Kelso as friends? Sure, pretty boys gotta stick together~ especially when Steve gets called that by Billy, and then Kelso insists he’s a prettier boy, and Billy either rolls his eyes or flirts aggressively cause Kelso doesn’t understand WHY that’s Steve’s nickname, and it’s a whole can of worms you guys

-(And I didn’t forget about El, I’m just not quite sure where she fits in this AU... she probably doesn’t have powers and is the new kid who moves into town cause of a bad home life, she’d befriend Max in school and then I think Donna would take her under wing, then she’d be a hit with the teen gang cause she’d break her quietness with witty comments/one-liners, and since she’s very intuitive still, she gravitates towards Billy & Hyde and there would be some touching heart-to-hearts about shitty parental situations followed immediately after by inappropriate offers of beer to which she responds with a firm “gross”)

-And finally, *the Circle* would be so much bigger and funnier with the Stranger Teens in it

[raendown]

I return from the dead with a fic that isn't even for the Naruto fandom and I don't really have an explanation for myself.

Pairing: SamBucky Word count: 2317 Fandom: MCU Summary: Visiting Steve was always strange now that the guy was old and retired. Still, of all the things Sam expected out of today, witnessing a prime example of gay panic from the co-worker that's been mysteriously avoiding him was not one of them.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info under the header!

Honestly, the fact that Steve's house smelled like prunes was probably one of the funniest things that Sam had ever heard in his life. More than anything he would have loved to go back in time, to the days of reading about glorified heroes in history textbooks, and tell his fifteen year old self that Captain America, Steve Rogers, retired in a house that smelled like prunes. God, his best friend just had to throw himself in to being old the way he threw himself in to everything else.

"Is there a special reason for you visiting?" Steve's voice was more tremulous these days, less steady but no less warm. Just hearing him again after the shameful amount of weeks it had been since his last visit made Sam grin.

"Nah, just thought I'd pop in and see if you'd expired yet. Your birthday's coming up. Gonna be, what, three hundred? A thousand?"

Steve narrowed his eyes but there was fondness in them so it wasn't very scary even if he could probably still tackle Sam across the room if he wanted to. At this point it would hurt him too but he could do it. "You, young man, are-"

He looked chagrined at himself when Sam cut him off with a laugh.

"You shitting me? Did you really just call me young man? See if I ever let you live that down."

His friend grumbled but accepted the teasing as his due. That was just what he got for going back in time and doubling down on being so much older than his own best friends.

Since it had indeed been a little too long after they last saw each other there was quite a bit of catching up for them to do. Over cool glasses of sweet tea and a plate of cookies the two of them spent a pleasant couple of hours shooting the shit until Sam could almost forget the years that stretched between them now. It was jarring, sometimes, looking away from those clear blue eyes to realize all over again just how many wrinkles they were set in. Sometimes he hated it. Other times he could only smile to know that at least one of their ragtag bunch had found the peace they were looking for.

Eventually all that sweet tea went right to his bladder and Sam excused himself to use the bathroom. When he returned he took in the sight of his friend all snug under one of the blankets his late wife had knit and sighed, feeling maudlin suddenly for no good reason.

"I should probably get out of your hair," he said. "Let you get in your afternoon nap or whatever. No, stay there man, I'll clean up." His smile was easy as he snagged the dishes from their grazing and hauled it all over to the kitchen.

"You sure?" Steve's voice floated after him. "Nothing else you want to get off your chest?"

"Huh?"

Sam frowned at the cups he'd just placed in the sink, running back through his mind. They'd talked about pretty much everything he could think of.

"You didn't mention Buck once, you know. I thought the two of you were friends now."

"Ah. Yeah. So did I." The corners of his mouth twisted with a little bitterness, a little confusion. After everything they'd been through and the number of times Bucky had accepted his invitations down to Delacroix he'd thought they were well past the point of calling themselves friends. Maybe he himself felt something a little more than that but he knew better than to push.

That was probably why Bucky's sudden radio silence hurt so much though.

"Trouble in paradise?" Steve called from the other room and Sam snorted.

“Shit, I don’t know. One minute we’re fine and the next he just up and disappears on me again. I may or may not have checked a bunch of obituaries for your name just in case because I have no idea what I might have done to piss him off.” Sam pursed his lips. He’s already gone over all this with Sarah a half dozen times and in all the recounts he’d done of their last couple missions he still couldn’t find any particularly bad moment between him and his best friend. Unfortunately the sweet tea he was glaring at didn’t have any answers either so he snatched the pitcher up and moved to put it in the fridge.

“Have you tried, oh I don’t know, asking him what’s wrong?”

“You think I didn’t try that?”

Steve’s hum drifted down the hallway with a distinct note of sass. “Neither one of you is very famous for your communication.”

“Excuse you, I was a counselor. A certified veteran’s counselor. Communicating with people was literally my job until your overly buff ass came running around all ‘on your left’ and ‘everyone I know is trying to kill me’.” Sam huffed as he snapped the fridge closed. “I damn well tried to talk to him but he’s not answering my texts or my calls. Short of breaking in to his apartment I don’t really know what else you want me to do.”

Without any other excuses to keep him in the kitchen Sam heaved a sigh, knowing he couldn’t dawdle any longer. He could only get to the door by going though the living room so his choices were either run away out the back, which he would never ever hear the end of, or go back in to the living room and face Steve with his stupidly wise and knowing eyes. Seriously, let a guy live to almost two hundred and suddenly he thought he knew everything. Annoying was what it was.

He was only halfway down the hall when he heard the front door open. Sam very carefully swallowed down the jibe he’d just been about to deliver and hoped that meant what he thought it meant. Maybe Steve had finally gone vague after all and bailed in the middle of their conversation; he’d rather chase a crazy old coot down the street than talk about his feelings regarding one James Buchanan Barnes. Actually if he looked at it from the right angle then chasing an old coot down the street was pretty much his job description whenever he and his partner teamed up on missions. Sam was just glad they hadn’t been called in to one since this whole silent treatment had started because he wasn’t sure he wanted to know whether or not Bucky would still have his back even when the guy was mad at him over reasons unknown.

Two more steps and Sam froze in his tracks, eyes wide with disbelief. Bucky’s shoulders were hunched in to himself with something bridling on panic as he fit himself through the front door and kicked it shut behind himself, eyes wild and fixed on the ground between his feet, nervous energy pouring out of him in a way Sam hadn’t seen before. From his spot on the couch Steve watched his childhood friend let himself in with serene indifference.

“Didn’t know you’d be over today,” was all he said. Then he smiled benignly when Bucky let out a soft whine.

“Help,” Bucky pleaded. “I’m dying.”

Then Bucky slid down to his knees and face planted in the carpet, arms and legs splaying out wide. Steve hummed.

“You know,” he murmured, “no one ever believes me when I tell them you’re this dramatic.”

“Steve! I’m having a crisis!”

“I tell everyone you’re a drama queen and they just shake their heads at me.”

“This is important! You have to kill me, Steve. Or I’m gonna just- just-!” Bucky’s voice petered out with another extended whine muffled by the carpet that probably didn’t smell any better from that close up.

Crossing one leg over the other, Steve folded his hands in his lap with a great lack of concern for the ridiculous scene playing out before him. Sam remained frozen in the hallway, wondering if Bucky even realized he was there, but he got an answer to that almost faster than if he’d bothered to ask himself.

“What’s wrong, pal?”

“It’s Sam!” Bucky cried. His arms lifted up like wings to flail briefly before falling back to the floor in a boneless sprawl. “Please just crush my head or something. I can’t take this.”

“Ah, yes, I hear you’ve been avoiding him.”

Whatever kind of noise Bucky was trying to make, it came out sounding more like he was choking on carpet fumes. “Of course I’m avoiding him!”

“Now why on earth would you do that?”

“I want to stick my tongue in the gap between his teeth!” Bucky said, entirely unaware of the sparks that were suddenly running up Sam’s spine in the hallway. “Help me, Steve! I want to press my thumb in the little dimple on his back. He has a dimple on his back! Why!? Steve I want to hold his hand! What the fuck!”

Steve had both eyebrows up near his hairline and the most shit eating grin any human on the planet had ever worn when he turned his head to look at Sam. Frozen with his eyes on the figure currently panicking in to the floor, Sam paid him no attention. He was busy processing. After getting to know Bucky, inviting him to stay in Delacroix time and time again, the dramatics weren’t actually that much of a surprise. Obviously as they grew closer he’d gotten a number of glimpses in to who the real Bucky Barnes was under the grouchy veneer he presented to the world. Watching him starfish on the ground and whine wasn’t too far from what he’d already seen.

Hearing him say anything about his tongue in conjecture with Sam’s teeth, on the other hand, now that was a bit unexpected. More than a bit.

“I think Shuri called this ‘gay panic’ and honestly I’m in agreement,” Bucky went on mindlessly. “If I have to watch him go through one more workout and not grab his ass with both hands then I’m just going to rip both of them off. Who needs hands if I cannot grab Sam Wilson’s ass with them!?”

“You may be slightly exaggerating the situation, I feel,” Steve told him.

Bucky snorted. “I am not. I absolutely am not. Why is he so hot? And nice? I hate that. Except I don’t. Steve why is he so nice to me?”

“That might be a question you should ask him.”

“Oh yeah, sure, I’ve got lots of questions for him! Hey Sam, why are you nice to me? Hey Sam, can I lick your cheekbones? Hey Sam, how big is your cock?”

“Well. Not that I’ve ever thought to ask that myself but, alright. Go on, Sam, how big is it?”

Sam had just enough time to cross his arms over his chest and assume a very casual pose leaning against the wall beside him before Bucky’s head shot up off the carpet. If possible, his eyes were even more wild than before when he fixed them on Steve, full of the deepest betrayal. Then he very slowly dragged them sideways to see the man he’d just been panicking over. Sam gave him a very friendly smile.

“Depends on your frame of reference,” he admitted. “I’d say sizeable.”

“Nnnggggg.”

“Hi Buck.”

“Ggnnn.”

While Steve very poorly disguised a laugh behind one hand, Sam pushed off from the wall and sauntered further in to the living room. Bucky slammed his face back in to the carpet.

“Leave me here to die,” he pleaded in a very small voice. Sam tutted, reaching for the front door, only looking over his shoulder once he was halfway through it.

“Come on, Buck, can’t lick my cheekbones if you don’t get off the floor. It was a nice visit, Steve, but don’t be looking out your front curtains for a bit. I think I’ll let Bucky decide for himself what sizeable means.” He thanked god for the mercy of Steve’s house being situated out here so far from any other homes, surrounded on all sides by enough trees that you couldn’t see it from the road. A gorgeous little island of privacy. Sam was fairly sure he wasn’t the only one grateful for this, judging by the mad scrambling noises he could hear going on behind him.

Bucky’s voice garbled out something that sounded like ‘fuck you, thank you, bye forever’ and then Sam was listening to the slam of the front door barely a second before strong hands were wrapping themselves around his hips. He laughed even as Bucky’s face came in to view.

“Greatest assassin of several generations and you didn't notice my truck in the driveway?” he said.

“I may have been a bit distracted.” That was definitely a pout on Bucky’s lips.

“By being so hot for all of this”-Sam gestured vaguely down his own body-“that you literally ceased being able to function.”

He didn’t expect such easy agreement as the sheepish nod that followed his words. “Pretty much.”

Sam blinked slowly once, twice. For one long moment he considered teasing the man. Then he decided that their time was much better spent doing things they’d both obviously been wanting to do while assuming they would never get the chance.

“I was promised a tongue in my teeth. Are you gonna get to that any time soon or am I gonna sit here and pine some more for something I apparently could have had all along?”

Bucky keened piteously. Then he surged forward to follow through on his own promises and Sam really hoped that Steve had taken his words to heart about the curtains. The man was way too old to be seeing all the ways they were about to defile the side of this truck.

[wiypt-writes]

Riding On

Ch3: What Happens in Vegas...

Summary: We catch up with what Fliss got up to whilst Frank was living it up in Vegas, before they both face up to the events of the weekend, because this time what happened in Vegas certainly doesn’t stay there…

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing:��Frank Adler x Fliss Gallagher

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding On Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 2

Just when it seems like everything’s evened out, and the balance seems serene, see the fool I’ll be, still running ‘round on the flesh rampage.

“Hey!” Fliss greeted Bonnie as she walked over to where the woman was supervising the after school club.

“Hiya!” Bonnie smiled “You heard from Frank today?”

“Yeah, before.” Fliss smiled, before she looked and Bonnie “I gotta say, that video of Simon…”

“He’s an idiot.” Bonnie shook her head “Punching his own reflection…I mean…”

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages.” Fliss giggled and Bonnie snorted, shaking her head again. At that point Mary came running over, her cheeks pink

“Hey Lissy.” “Hey sweetheart, you ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, because I got a surprise for you!”

“Me?”

“Yup!”

“Where is it?”

“We gotta go pick it up.”

“Oh, ok…bye Miss Stevenson!”

“See you Mary!” Bonnie smiled as she started to head off to Fliss’ car “Hey, give me a call…we can do lunch Sunday before the boys get back.”

“Sure.” Fliss nodded. “I’ll text you.”

With a final goodbye she headed after Mary and climbed into the driver’s side.

“Where’s Thor?” Mary asked.

“He’s at Mum and Dad’s with Rupert and Fred.” she said, “I thought after our surprise we could stay there for the weekend, use the pool and the Cinema Room…”

“Ok…” Mary looked at her suspiciously.

“I promise you’re gonna like it!”

“Just tell me.” Mary looked at her as Fliss set off driving.

“Sure you wanna know?”

“You’re as bad as Frank.” The girl rolled her eyes and Fliss laughed.

“We’re going to pick Steve up from the airport.”

Mary’s face split into a huge grin, it was a well-known fact that besides Bill, Fliss’ brother was basically her favourite person that wasn’t Frank on the planet.

“Uncle Steeby is coming to stay?” she looked at Fliss.

“Yup for a whole month. He has some work in Orlando and Tampa so he’s gonna be staying in town for a while, and then in Easter Sian and the twins are flying over.”

“Oh man!” Mary grinned, laying her head back on the seat “This is great!”

Mary’s excitement seemed to increase the nearer they got to the Airport, and Fliss had to practically hold her down in the seat as she parked the car, telling her to wait a second. Once she’d managed to park they headed into the arrivals lounge and little after 15 minutes later her brother appeared, towing his suitcase behind him.

“Hey Stack!” he grinned as Mary flung herself at him and he swept her up in a hug “How’s it hanging?” “Same old, same old!” she grinned and he let out a laugh before he placed her down and turned to Fliss.

“Oh my God!” he smiled as Fliss walked over to him “Look at you!”

She laughed “I know…” with a nod she looked down “Nothing until 16 weeks and then wham…now I feel like it’s getting bigger every day.”

He pulled her into his arms and gave her the usual bear hug before the three of them headed out to the car. On the way back to the house, Steve filled Fliss in on what exactly he was doing. The construction company he owned was in the running for a very big job in Orlando building a complete village of holiday villas not far from Lake Buena Vista. As such he was out here to meet a few people and attend the Bidders Conference, whilst also taking a look at some potential office buildings in Lakeland.

“If we win this tender Fliss, it’s going to be huge.” he smiled at her “We’re talking millions.”

“That’s great.” she smiled “You’ve really blown it up since Dad handed over the reins, I’m really pleased for you!”

“I got lucky.”

“No, it was hard work.” Fliss glanced at him.

“Frank says you make your own luck.” Mary added.

“See!” Fliss grinned at her brother. “So, would you guys move out here or…”

“I’m tempted.” he said, “As with anything, I’ll need a project team who can oversee the local suppliers and labour that type of thing, manage the schedules and what not…but our head offices will still be in Liverpool, so I’m undecided. Either way I’ll be spending a lot more time here, certainly in the first 12 months whilst it all gets up and running.”

“How does Sian feel about it?”

“She’s excited. She knows what it means to me, to the business. Obviously she realises it means more time apart as I’ll be out here quite often but…”

“Is it selfish of me to be happy about that?” Fliss smiled and Steve laughed.

“Nope, because we all know I’m the best big brother in the world.”

Fliss grinned and shook her head as Mary began to enthusiastically talk to Steve about school and University and the Girl Scout group she was in. Fliss interjected whenever she needed to but other than that she was happy to let the two of them chat away.

Once home Steve headed over to the Annex where he would be staying whilst Mary went outside to play with the dogs, Fred happy to oversee things from his spot on a chair on the large decking platform which-over looked the pool area. Steve appeared an hour or so later having showered and changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, Fliss grinning at him, calling him a tourist. Whilst it wasn’t cold by cold standards, she found it chillier having grown used to the blazing heat of the summer. Steve, who had come from the chilly early spring in England, simply rolled his eyes and handed her the box he had in his hand.

“It’s a present from me and Sian.” he smiled.

Fliss glanced down and smiled at the selection box of Pukka Tea bags.

“Steeby this is great!” she beamed “I’ve been struggling to find them out here since Sian recommended them.”

She gently opened the box and glanced at the various herbal teas. There were 12 different flavours such as Peppermint and Liquorice, Ginger and Manuka Honey, Chamomile and Rose to name but a few. There was even a handwritten note inside from Sian, explaining which ones had helped her with various symptoms she felt during her pregnancy. She closed the purple and gold box and looked up at Steve, tears in her eyes.

“Hey, come on Titch!” he laughed as she fell into his arms, chuckling herself at her ridiculous tears “It’s just tea bags.” “It’s really thoughtful, thank you.” she stepped back, wiping her eyes “Fucking hormones.” Steve chuckled, rubbing her back slightly before she turned and began pulling the rest of the stuff out for dinner.

“Wanna help?” she asked.

“You really want me to?” He smirked “I’ve still not forgot the time we made brownies and set fire to the curtains at the Farm house.” “Ok, first off those curtains were rank, as Mum said when Dad came home and hit the roof, second off, they were pot brownies and we were already stoned after smoking a load! Cooking and being high do not mix.”

Steve laughed “God, poor Mum didn’t know what to do. Came home, found us both on the floor eating them, with burnt curtains hanging at the window.” “She knew we were stoned, she told me.” Fliss grinned, handing Steve a knife “Said she lied to dad that it had been her to get us off the hook.” “Well that didn’t work because Dad told me he knew full well it was us. He made me pay for the new curtains and told me that if I ever let you smoke that stuff again he was going to beat me within an inch of my life.” Fliss laughed “He was so full of shit, he never raised a hand to either of us. Never would either.” “No, but the threat was there. Even if I was 22 at the time, scared the shit out of me.”

“Thankfully we both grew up since then, huh?” Fliss shrugged, as she grabbed a chopping board to start carving up the meat for the tacos.

“Hmmm, debatable.” Steve nudged her. “Although I can safely say I haven’t done weed since the twins were born…as tempting as it was at times.”

“I can’t remember the last time I did.” Fliss mused “Was certainly before I moved to Boston.” “Frankie boy not dabble every now and then?”

“Nope.” Fliss said “He doesn’t smoke and says the last time he did pot it made him pull a whitey so he steers clear. Hardest thing he does now is Bourbon.” “Huh…” Steve mused “I had him pegged as a bit of wild one…” “He’s not.” Fliss shook her head “I mean he cuts loose when we go out, and I dread to think about the states he’s gonna be in this weekend but…” she shrugged “He’s well adjusted, sensible, level headed…can be a bit of a child at times but, show me a man who isn’t?” Steve shot her a look and she chuckled.

“So, how is he?” Steve asked. “Seems like ages since I spoke to him.” “He’s good.” Fliss smiled “His work is going well. He’s really excited about the baby.” her hand dropped to her bump. “We’re gonna start looking for houses now our landlord had said he won’t hold us to our contract. Frankie wants to move as soon as we can so he can get a nursery ready but I’m not bothered. Not like we’ll need the extra space really until a few months after it’s born.”

“You’d be surprised.” Steve raised an eyebrow “Babies accumulate a lot of stuff…” “Well, we’ll manage either way.” Fliss shrugged “Most important thing is they’re safe and happy. We can figure the rest out as we go.” “You gonna buy or…” “Hopefully.” Fliss nodded “With work and stuff now we shouldn’t have a problem borrowing now but, I don’t know, we’re going to look into it properly once Jake’s wedding is out of the way in a few weeks.”

Steve nodded and took a deep breath “You know, I wasn’t sure about you two at first, not because I didn’t like Frank, I did, I mean I do but, well, I just thought after Dickhead that you needed time to heal and find yourself again.” Fliss looked at him as he chewed the inside of his lip before he turned to her. “But then when I saw you again after your first Christmas together and then over the Easter…I dunno, you just…”

Fliss smiled and looked down, shrugging “I might have healed in a lot of ways before I met Frank but I was still broken Steeb. Finding my way in a new relationship was hard work, it was daunting…I constantly found myself automatically doing things I did with or for John…like you know the first time Frank ever stayed over, in the morning I just got up and was about to make him coffee and he was so puzzled by it.” she shrugged “that could have been so awkward but Frank…well, he didn’t let it feel that way. Simply told me to stay the fuck in bed.” “Don’t wanna know.” Steve pulled a face and Fliss laughed.

“Joking aside, I know it used to bother him because it was almost like on a subconscious level I was comparing the two of them but he never once lost his temper, not really anyway, other than to tell me to stop putting him on a pedestal for being fucking normal…his words, not mine.” she said, framing them in quotation marks with her fingers. “He just gets it. He gets me.” “You finished with the sales pitch?” Steve asked her and she narrowed her eyes at him as he laughed “You don’t need to convince me Titch, I like the guy, I just wasn’t sure you were in the right place but it's obvious he helped you get there.” Fliss smiled.

“And Mum and Dad worship the ground he walks on.” Steve shrugged “Like seriously…”

“Awww you jealous?” Fliss teased and Steve turned, pointing the small knife he was holding at her.

“Behave.” he smirked and Fliss laughed.

“I know what you mean though…whenever we argue they’re both like ‘you need to stop being so hard on him, Lissy’.” She snorted.

“Well, to be fair, you are a little bit…” Steve shrugged “Oh, I dunno, a bit of a pain in the ass at times.” “Fuck you.” she sniggered, as Steve chuckled and once again looked down at her.

“I’m glad you found him. You deserve to be happy.” Fliss smiled, and let her brother give her another hug before she instructed him to get on with his allocated job of dicing onions if they wanted any chance of eating this side of summer. Between the two of them, they had dinner ready in half an hour and the three of them ate inside at the large kitchen table. It wasn’t long after they finished that Frank Face timed. After a conversation with Mary, instructing her once more to behave, she handed the phone to Fliss who smiled at her man and excused herself for a little while so she could go talk to him in private. He told her they were off to play poker, promised he wouldn’t gamble Bean and Mary’s inheritance away, before he apologetically said he needed to go and promised he would message her later, despite her insistence that he didn’t need to keep checking in.

The siblings and Mary, plus animals migrated to the lounge of the villa as Steve yawned, desperately trying to keep himself awake as long as possible to counteract the time difference between Florida and their home in the North West of England. He ended up helping himself to a healthy shot of Bill’s 12 year old Single Malt as Fliss had an apple juice mixed with lemonade, the 2 of them on the couch, the foot stools of the recliners in front of them whilst Mary led on the rug, playing on her computer.

At one point she let out a snigger, and Fliss looked at her suspiciously.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Frank before told me to stop doing maths and do something else…so I’m googling.” she shrugged.

“Googling what?”

“Random pregnancy facts…did you know the longest pregnancy ever recorded was 375 days?”

“What?” Fliss spluttered “That’s over a year!”

Mary grinned “and the shortest was 21 weeks and four days…both babies survived.”

Steve looked at Fliss, chuckling to himself as he took a drink of his scotch.

“Woah, your heart grows bigger too…” Mary said, “and your blood volume increases by 40-50%. That’s pretty cool.”

“No wonder you get fat…” Steve mused and Fliss picked up a cushion, hitting him in the face with it.

“And your voice can change!” Mary looked up at Fliss “Says here that it can get lower…” she studied her for a second before she nodded “Talk to me…” “What do you want me to say?” Fliss asked, dropping her voice deliberately and Mary shook her head, rolling her eyes.

“You’re doing a Frank…” she sing songed.

“Doing a Frank?” Steve looked at his sister.

“Code for being an idiot.” Fliss smiled.

“You’re 18 weeks right?” Mary continued.

“Yeah”

“It says here that’s the time the baby can hear sounds…but it gets more responsive at 25-26 weeks…” she paused “Have you felt Bean move yet?”

“No.” Fliss shook her head, “but apparently for your first baby it’s not uncommon for you not to feel it until after 20 weeks.”

“Huh, they call it quickening…” Mary mused then she grinned “I can’t wait to feel it kicking you.”

“Gee thanks Stack…” Fliss looked at her as Steve let out a loud laugh

“I bloody love this kid!” he grinned and Mary smiled back.

*****

Saturday flew by. Fliss had lessons all day at the yard, Mary hanging around to help Joanne with various tasks before she herself got to ride Monty. She was now fully walking, trotting and cantering off the line competently, so when she asked Fliss if they could try a little jump, seeing as Frank wasn’t there to shit himself Fliss agreed.

Joanna set the cross poles up, leaving the jump at less than half a foot high, but it was enough for what they wanted to do.

“Ok…so…” Fliss said, nudging the ground pole with her foot. “We’re going to just trot him at this for the time being, so when he steps over this pole you have a count of one before he is going to take off. So you need to stand up… and fold forward slightly, giving him the reins. Show me.” Mary obediently stood up, and Fliss moved to help her adjust her legs so they didn’t fling too far back.

“Ok, good…” Fliss nodded. “Joanna’s gonna lead you over the first few times ok, and if you feel like you’re losing your balance then grab hold of this bit at the bottom of his mane. It won’t hurt him, I promise.” “OK, I’m ready…” Mary nodded.

“Alright…” Fliss said, stepping back. Joanna led Monty away, before they picked up trot and ran at the small jump.

“Get ready to fold!” Fliss instructed Mary, as she approached the pole. Doing exactly as she was told Mary leaned forward as Monty took off from the ground and landed perfectly after the jump. Mary sat back up and looked over her shoulder at the jump then to Fliss who gave her the thumbs up.

“Woah, did you see that?” Mary grinned, and Fliss nodded.

“Sure did!” she laughed. “Go again?”

Mary nodded eagerly and Joanna laughed. “Well done kiddo!”

They repeated this 5 or 6 times more before Fliss asked Mary if she wanted to try on her own. Never one to back down she nodded so Joanne unclipped the line and Mary trotted Monty around in a circle before she came at the jump.

“Ok, sit up and look straight between his ears at where you’re going.” Fliss said “Don’t look down…” Mary approached the jump and Fliss held her breath, but needn’t have bothered. Monty, ever the pro took Mary over the poles easily and stopped a few strides at the other side, Mary letting out an excited yell.

“I did it!”

Fliss gave her a huge smile.

“Can we film it and send it to Frank?”

“Damned straight we can!” Fliss grinned, “Do it again.”

She pulled her phone out, filmed Mary once again jumping and then turned her phone off, slipping into her pocket as Mary rode Monty back over.

“That was amazing!” the little girl was beaming ear to ear.

Fliss nodded “Yeah, it was. You did really well Stack. You wanna walk him off now then and we can feed and go home?” Mary nodded as she turned Monty away to let him walk around the outside of the paddock. With a smile she grabbed her phone and sent the footage to Frank. He replied a few minutes later with a load of wide mouthed emojis accompanied by the words “Jesus Christ, what did I say about keeping all 4 legs on the ground?”

“Oh hush Sailor!” she replied “She loved it. Now don’t forget I want a photo of you and Greg in those suits before you go out.” “Yes ma’am…now by my watch it must be nearly 6pm there. Take Mary and Bean home and get some rest.”

Rolling her eyes she responded about him being bossy to which he replied he was entitled to be as she was carrying his kid. A few more jokey messages were shared before Fliss promised to go home and Frank said he would talk to her later.

They grabbed a pizza on the way back and once more joined Steve for dinner, the 3 of them sitting in Bill’s large cinema room later watching Avengers-Age of Ultron. Before it had finished Fliss fell asleep, to be woken by Steve at the end of the film, Mary laughing at her as she groaned and stretched out.

“Sorry!” she grinned and Steve snorted.

“She falls asleep all the time.” Mary laughed “Frank said the baby is like a parasite, sucking all her energy.”

“A parasite?” Fliss snorted indignantly, her hand falling to her bump “You hear that Bean, that’s your dad saying that. Rude…”

“He isn’t wrong though.” Steve laughed. “Sian used to refer to our two as the bloodsuckers.” Shaking her head Fliss stood up and looked at Mary, “Bed, come on. You’re out with Roberta tomorrow.” “Anywhere nice?” Steve asked Mary.

“Just to the beach.” came the reply. “I haven’t seen her in a while so we’re gonna go watch the surfing competition. Roberta likes the shorts the men wear.”

“Sure she does.” Steve smirked, laughing.

“Some of them are brighter than Frank’s shirts.” Mary mused, causing Steve to laugh harder.

They bid him goodnight, getting ready for bed before Fliss tucked Mary in and went to the spare room. She fell asleep not long after but was woken early Sunday morning with a desperate need to pee. Once sorted she text her phone to find a very drunk text from Frank, declaring he loved her and couldn’t wait for Bean to arrive and for them to get married. She shook her head, glancing at the time, it was almost 4 am meaning it was 1am in Vegas. Smiling as she replied half asleep herself, telling him to maybe think about drinking water instead of any more alcohol, she turned over and closed her eyes.

***** Frank sat dumbfounded, his entire body rigid as the person next to him in the bed let out a sigh, and then a deep groan before a head emerged from under the covers.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Frank exhaled and let out a groan as Simon looked at him “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well, technically this is my room, jerk.” Simon said, blinking “What year is it?

“You scared the shit out of me.” Frank took a deep breath “I thought…”

“You thought you left with the blonde?” Simon peeked up at him “Nah, man. Mind you, wasn’t for her lack of trying. She was all over you. Eventually you told her to fuck off. You were quite rude actually.” Frank let out a sigh, his head falling back against the head board.

Simon sighed turning over, before he peered under the covers. “For the love of- Frank you’re naked.” “I’m aware of that.” Frank groaned.

“Fucking hell…” Simon grimaced, before he rolled out of bed “I’m going for a pee. Put some clothes on.”

Once Simon was in the bathroom he climbed out of bed, his head still spinning as he found his clothes in a pile on the floor. Shoving on his boxers and shirt he looked around the room to see an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and a pizza box on the table.

“Where the hell did we go?” He asked Simon as he walked back into the room. “Don’t ask me.” Simon looked at him, falling face down on the bed. “I know we took Greg back to your room…”

“We did?”

“Yeah he was wasted.” Simon nodded, rolling over as Frank flopped back on the bed. “He could hardly walk so the bouncers asked us to take him out of the club. We threw him in your room then…we must have gone back out…hang on…”

With a herculean effort, Simon pushed himself up and found his phone. After a brief scan his eyes widened and he snorted.

“Look.”

He turned the phone round to Frank, who saw a selfie of him and Simon in front of a face down Greg in the hotel room. Simon then began to flick through.

“Oh, ok so we went to a liquor store…” he turned the phone round to show Frank a blurry photo of a shop front “Don’t ask me why I took that and oh my god!”

“What?” Simon pressed play and a load of cheering and singing hit their ears as they watched footage of a small man dressed as a leprechaun dancing in the hotel foyer, Frank on his knees in front of him, laughing.

“I literally have no memory of that…at all.” Frank shook his head.

“Looks like we called Bonnie as well…” Simon snorted “If this angry text message that I got at 3 am is anything to go by.”

“Oh fuck.” Frank hastily reached for his phone, which really didn’t have a lot of battery left, and he hastily scanned his calls. There were none to Fliss, but he had sent her a message. According to her reply she’d been up to use the toilet, so that was ok.

His phone illuminated then with two messages. One from Fliss asking him if he was hungover, as he deserved to be, and another from Greg asking him where the fuck he was. Deciding to reply to Greg first, as he could picture the man stressing he tapped out a quick reply informing him not to worry, he’d be back at the room as soon as he’d managed to dress himself, which at the moment thanks to his head was proving a little difficult, before he replied to Fliss saying he was indeed hungover and he needed to crawl into a hole and die and as ever, reminded her he loved her.

No sooner had he sent it, she was calling him.

“That was quick…” he mumbled, before answering it. “Hey, honey…” “So, wanna tell me exactly where and what you were doing that requires you to get dressed before you go back to your room?” Her voice was steely.

Shit. He had sent the messages to the wrong people.

“Lissy, it’s not what you think.” He instantly began.

“Oh, you have no IDEA what I’m thinking!” her voice grew louder

“No, listen…I’m with Simon.” He chuckled.

“You think this is funny?” She sniffed and Frank grimaced.

“Baby, stop.” He sighed “Look, we ended up back at his room and I passed out here. That message was meant for Greg as he was asking me where I was. Instead he now has a message saying I’m hungover to fuck and that I love him.”

She was silent and he could hear her on the other end of the line rustling something before she spoke again in a quiet voice “So you weren’t with anyone else?”

“No, Sweetheart I wasn’t. Why would I want to be huh? Most beautiful girl in the world waiting for me at home.” At that Simon let out a retching noise “God you make me want to puke, Adler.” “Oh fuck off Si you dick.” He shot back.

“Hey, Fliss.” Simon leaned over to speak down the phone, grabbing Frank’s wrist to stop him moving it. “Now you, Bonnie and me have all seen Frank nekkid...”

“I swear to God I’m gonna punch you in a minute.” Frank mumbled, jerking his arm out of Simon’s reach and pushing him so hard he rolled over and fell off the side of the bed. Frank let out a laugh as Simon groaned and a hand appeared in the air, flipping him off.

“He knows about you and Bonnie?”

“Apparently so.” Frank mused

“So anything else you wanna tell me about what you got up to? Other than naked spooning Si?”

Frank laughed “We found a dancing leprechaun.”

“A dancing leprechaun?” “Yeah, in the hotel somewhere.”

“Standard.” she giggled “So, are you ready to come home now you’ve spent the last few days acting like overgrown frat boys?

“Yes, I’m more than ready to leave Aldrich Whitaker behind”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“My alter ego for last night. He’s a trust fund ass hole.” Frank grinned.

There was a pause before she replied, snorting “Whatever.”

At that point his phone gave him a bleep to tell him he was dangerously low on battery power. “Look, baby, my phones gonna die. I’ll call you when I get it charged ok?”

“Yeah, sure, hey Frankie, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.” She apologised softly.

“It’s okay, I’m not surprised after that message.”

“Yeah but still…” she paused “Can I blame the hormones?”

“If you want.”

“In that case it was totally them.”

He chucked “ Hormones or not, I love you.”

“Love you too sailor”

With that his phone cut off and he glanced down at it, the screen blank as the power had gone. He dropped it on the bed, before leaning back again, his hand against his forehead.

“I’m NEVER coming to Vegas again”

“Oh you not fancy it for your Batchelor party then? Simon teased as he threw Frank a bottle of water from the mini bar.”

“The fuck I do.” Frank shook his head.

*****

“I’d like to say I’m surprised but…” Bonnie shrugged as Fliss snorted, taking a drink of her apple juice from the carton as they walked back to their cars in the setting sun. They’d had dinner at one of the beach bars and stayed simply chatting for half an hour or so, but now Fliss was now ready to head home, shower and bunker down for the rest of the evening until Frank came home.

“I knew he’d end up paralytic.” Fliss said, watching as Mary wandered back towards them, huge ice cream in her hand. “Stack that’s bigger than your head.”

Mary shrugged, handing Fliss her change “It’s good though.” “Mint choc chip?”

“Yup.” she grinned, taking a huge lick. “When’s Frank back?”

“He lands into Tampa in about 4 hours.” Fliss looked at her “Why, you fed up of me already?”

“No, just thinking how peaceful it’s been without him annoying me.”

Fliss grinned and Bonnie gave a chuckle.

“Hey, did you tell Bonnie about you jumping Monty?” Fliss asked.

“Oh, no…” Mary turned to the woman, enthusiastically telling her all about it as Bonnie listened, Fliss walking alongside them, her hand rubbing her bump. She was just thinking about how nice a nap would be right then when Bonnie’s phone went.

“Sorry Mary.” She muttered, frowning at the number. “Hey, Lisa?” Fliss attention turned to Bonnie and she watched carefully as she spoke to Jake’s fiancé, her eyes flicked to her “No, no why…what’s…oh, ok…yeah…”

She cancelled the phone call and instantly tapped at the screen.

“Everything ok?” Fliss frowned.

“Yeah, I just need to check something.” she said. Fliss glanced at Mary who looked at her, shrugging.

“Here…” Fliss handed her the keys to the jeep “Go open the car…” “You know if you want me out of the way just ask.” Mary rolled her eyes.

“Ok I want you out of the way.” Fliss looked down at her. Mary snorted and took the keys, wandering off the 50 yards or so to the jeep. Fliss watched her climb in the back, the door staying open and her legs dangling out of the side. “Bonnie what is it?”

“Nothing…” Bonnie said, far too quickly as she looked up at Fliss. Fliss frowned.

“Bonnie…”

“Honestly, it’s nothing, just something Lisa told me about on facebook so…” Bonnie stuttered slightly so Fliss narrowed her eyes.

“Stop bullshitting.” Fliss said, holding her gaze “What the fuck’s going on?”

“Look, I’m sure it’s not what it seems…” Bonnie sighed, holding out her phone. At those words Fliss felt her heart sink as it could only mean one thing, and she took the phone with a tentative hand. She looked down at it and could see that it was a photo and from the logo in the bottom right hand corner it was from the official club page that the boys had been in on Saturday night.

It showed Jake, Greg, Simon, and a few others that Fliss didn’t recognise but that wasn’t what Bonnie had been referring to. What she had been talking about, as Fliss could clearly see was the background of the shot, which showed Frank with a blonde woman. Her arms were round his neck, his hand was resting on her lower back and their faces inches apart.

“Like I said, I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation…” Bonnie said, but Fliss wasn’t listening. She was busy flicking through the other photos and then she came across another of Frank, the same girl perched on his knee.

She felt sick.

“Sure, perfectly innocent…” Fliss swallowed, handing the phone back to Bonnie, her voice sounding detached. Bonnie looked down at the snap now displayed on the screen and she took a deep breath.

“Look, Fliss, Frank loves you…he was probably just drunk and…” “Touching up some whore that’s sat on his lap.” Fliss shook her head “Save it Bonnie, I gotta go.” “Fliss…”

Fliss turned away from her, the tears stinging her eyes as she headed to the jeep. Taking a deep breath she wiped her eyes, climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Are you ok?” Mary looked at her.

“Yeah, fine…just tired and hormonal.” Fliss shot her a smile.

“We can watch a film when we get back.” Mary suggested “Just chill out?”

“Yeah, yeah we can.” Fliss trying to quell the sick feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with Bean.

Had Frank really cheated on her? She would never in a million years thought he had it in him to be unfaithful, and she was desperate to believe Bonnie, that there was some perfectly innocent explanation for it all. And maybe, just maybe with the first one she could. It could have been taken at a bad moment, when they were just talking to one another, Frank being friendly…but then again why would they have their arms round one another. And as for the second one…the same girl was sat on his fucking lap with her arm looped round his shoulder.

And he looked perfectly comfortable with it. 

She rubbed her bump again and Mary looked at her. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine sweetheart.” she nodded, painting a smile on her face before turning the key in the ignition. “Let’s go home.”

******

Frank sighed as they all trudged through the arrivals lounge, rubbing his eyes. He was ready for a shower and collapse next to his girl, he felt like he had aged a decade over the last 3 days. The rest of them looked just as bad as they headed to the waiting car, Simon’s phone reminding Frank he needed to turn his on to.

“Oh, shit…” he heard Simon groan “No, that’s not…he didn’t…I swear…”

He glanced at Frank who stood still, watching and leaning on the door frame, his own phone in his hand as it started up.

“Yeah, ok…love you…see you soon.” Simon swallowed and cut the call looking at Frank.

“What is it?” Frank looked at him, a cold feeling washing over him “Has something happened to Lissy or Mary? Or the baby, please tell me no…” “No, nothing like that but you need to call Fliss.” he said, “Frank, there’s photos of you and that blonde chick on the club facebook page. Someone tagged me and Greg in them, Lisa saw them and Bonnie and…” “Photos of what?” Frank frowned “I didn’t do anything…” “There’s a photo that makes it look like you are…and one of her on your lap.” Simon said and Frank swallowed, his stomach churning.

“Oh fahk!”

“Just get in the car.” Greg looked at him from where he stood at the other side. “Call her on the way, we’ll back you up…it’s a misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” Jake assured him.

But it wasn’t fine, because no matter how much Frank tried, or how many messages he sent, Liss wasn’t picking up or replying and when he saw the photos, he could understand her being pissed. He would be if it was the other way round because they looked bad. The drive home seemed to take forever, and when the car finally rounded the corner onto Frank’s road they all offered to come in as well and help him explain, but he shook his head, knowing full well if he did that she would feel backed into a corner. No, this was his own dumbass fault. He’d face up to it and talk to her, make her understand how he’d told the girl to back off…she’d listen, she was reasonable.

The house was quiet when he entered and he walked through to the lounge where Fliss was sat on the sofa, her knees bent up beside her. She glanced over the back of the couch and he could see she had been crying, which made him feel like even more of bastard than he did already.

“Lissy, honey, I swear…” “You know, when I asked if there was anything you wanted to tell me, maybe I should have asked if there was something you should tell me” She sniffed, uncurling her legs and standing up and Thor’s ears pricked up from where he had been laying on the rug.

“Listen, those photos, they’re not…” He shook his head. “I told her to get lost, honestly I swear to you.”

He moved towards her, his hands dropping to her hips but she pushed him hard in the chest, stepping back.

“Don’t touch me. I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

“Sweetheart, I swear to God…”

“I don’t wanna hear it Frank.” she shook her head, walking past him. “Where are you going?” he asked, “Lissy, you can’t leave. Please, sweetheart…” “I’m going to bed, but let’s get one thing straight. The only reason I’m not screaming at you right now and storming out, slamming the door behind me is because of Mary.” she spoke calmly, too calmly for the anger which was radiating out of every inch of her body. She looked at Frank, her eyes watering as she shook her head, turning away. “You can take the couch.”

“Lissy…” “Frank…just stop.” Her voice cracked, and with that she left the room, Thor trotting behind, the bedroom door clicking behind her.

Frank stood, rooted to the spot, debating whether or not to follow her, before he decided not to. The last thing he wanted was to anger her that much she stormed out, or worse, she got so stressed something happened to the baby. No, she’d set the boundaries so he decided to respect them, and turned instead to the couch, sinking down onto the cushions his head in his hands.

She was angry, upset and she had the right to be and like he had said in the car, in her position he knew he would feel the same. She needed to sleep, calm down enough so that they could talk and he could explain, get her to listen to him. And then she’d see that it was a huge misunderstanding, even if she remained pissed at him for having the girl so close in the first place, which, ok, he shouldn’t have done but fuck…the thought of cheating hadn’t entered his mind, not once.

He swung his legs up, rubbing his face over his hands. She’d believe him. She had to, because if she didn’t, then had no idea what the fuck he was gonna do.

**** Chapter 4

[ithebookhoarder]

Hey! I love your story the gangsters daughter SO much and I was wondering if I could request something based on it?

Where it’s the night before Evie’s wedding and she goes to Tommy’s office to talk as she’s nervous and they have a fluffy moment where he doesn’t think he’s ready for her to get married! ☺️

Cold Feet (Parent!Tommy Shelby x Evie)

A/N: Ok ok ok. First of all anon, how dare you be so fluffing cute?! And second, OF COURSE YOU CAN! I love Evie and I’m always looking for excuses to write for my baby. Also, I’m totally not crying at the thought of Tommy having to let his little girl go and get married and just wanting her to be happy... I just have something in my eye. 

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of smoking. Let me know if I missed anything. 

Masterlist:

Tommy had always known this day would come. 

It was as inevitable as death was for every single living thing on this planet. 

No matter how hard he’d prayed that he’d have just a little more time left, his luck had finally run out. There was no delaying it any longer now that the day was almost upon him when his life would change in a way that would alter his world forever. 

It was tomorrow, in fact, that Tommy would see Evie shed the Shelby name for another. 

True, he could not have chosen a more worthy candidate, and knew Toby would love Evie as she deserved to be loved. That didn't lessen the sting it caused though, to know his days as the only male in her life were now over. Soon, she would no longer be his, no longer living in the same house as him. She would be a married woman, and that filled Tommy with incredible joy, and incredible sorrow at the same time.

This was the curse of fathers. 

It seemed only yesterday that she was small enough to not even care about boys, let alone marriage. He remembered a particular conversation with fondness, when Evie had only been with them a few months or so. 

It had been in the wake of a row over Ada’s most recent conquest at the time. An annoying boy, Liam had only lasted three dates before being scared off by Arthur, John, and Tommy.  Despite being nothing particularly special, Ada had been incredibly enraged, yelling about how she wanted to marry him and that she’d never find love again. 

Of course, Evie had found the whole thing hilarious, if not a little confusing. Hence, when she’d sat up in bed that night, as Tommy passed by her room one final time, he couldn’t help but smile at her quizzical expression. 

“But, Dad. If she loves him what’s wrong with that? Besides, Mum had a baby on her own… if Ada did end up pregnant would it really be so horrible? She’d have a child, like me, and you all warmed up to me pretty quickly.”

“Well,” Tommy had begun, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of this discussion with his only recently recovered twelve-year old daughter. Polly was always far better at talking about this kind of stuff. “It’s… you see… people tend to only have children when they’re married.”

“Why?”

“It’s just how things are done.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

Tommy smirked. “Most people would agree with you, but a lot don’t. They can be horrible and cruel, even to women who were in love but weren’t married when they had a kid. So, we’re trying to spare Ada from that. It’s fucking complicated, but at the end of the day, she deserves to be happy, doesn’t she?” 

“Yes,” Evie sighed, suddenly staring down at her bedsheets nervously. “But… does that mean Auntie Martha was right? That I have to get married when I grow up? But Dad, the only boys I like are you… and my uncles… I don’t suppose I could marry one of them?”

Tommy immediately bit back his laughter as he shook his head and held her close. “I’m afraid Martha would object to you marrying our John. Besides, you don’t want one of us old men when you can find someone young and handsome who you love very much.”

“But how will I know who that is? Or if they’re good or not?” she asked innocently. 

“I’ll help you,” Tommy offered, not without a little hesitation. To even think such a time would exist, when he would have to part with his daughter, when he’d only just found her again… “You can depend on it. Any unworthy bastards will be driven away by me, and the hounds.”

At that Evie spluttered into laughter, before pressing a kiss to her father’s cheek. “Now that, I would pay to see.”

Well, that day had come and gone and Tommy hadn’t released any hounds. No. The only hound in sight was Cyril, and he’d warmed incredibly quickly to the new member of the family. 

He hadn’t been the only one either. In fact, Tommy had rolled out the red fucking carpet, welcoming the man into the family. Sure, it hadn’t been without its challenges along the way, but as much as Tommy hated to admit it, Toby was a good man. More than that, he’d proved his loyalty to the family, and to Evie, over and over again. 

If he had to part with Evie to anyone, then at least it was to someone as decent as Toby. It made the whole ordeal hurt just a little less as he sipped his whiskey and stared out of the study window. 

Despite the late hour, there were still faint laughs and shrieks of delight echoing from upstairs. Ada, Lara, Polly and Lizzie were most likely to blame, having taken charge of Evie’s so called ‘last night of freedom’. Tommy didn’t know what that entailed exactly and he didn’t even want to try and guess. Not given how much champagne they’d lugged upstairs with them earlier, having returned from a busy evening dancing at a local club. 

If they weren’t all hungover as hell in the morning it would be a minor miracle. 

Still, as long as they got their asses to church on time and didn’t throw up on the minister, then everything would be fine. No. It would be perfect. Tommy had promised Evie that much and he’d be damned before he failed to deliver a promise as solemn as this one. 

She’d done the same for him, twice in fact, even if his union to Lizzie had been a far simpler affair than his first marriage to Grace. 

At least Evie hadn’t insisted on there being a ‘father of the bride’ toast - even if Ada had… Somehow, Tommy knew his would never be anywhere as good as the ones his daughter had given. 

She always had had a way with words.  

“Dad?”

Tommy froze. 

Speak of the devil and she shall appear. 

He was startled by the sound of her voice, echoing from the open doorway, as if summoned by his worry. He’d almost thought he’d imagined it until he turned and saw her standing there, looking a little worse for wear in her finery. 

Apparently he’d been right; she’d had a very fun evening.  

“Evie?” he blinked, clearing his throat as he tried to compose himself. “What are you doing down here? It’s late and I thought you’d be upstairs celebrating a bit longer. Big day tomorrow.”

Evie smiled, shrugging as she stepped into the office and closed the door behind her. She knew she never needed an invitation, having given up knocking long ago. 

“I was but… I don’t know. I just wanted to come and see you, if that’s alright?”

It would always be alright. Tommy hoped she knew that, even if the anxiety in her eyes said otherwise. Then again, he suspected the nervous energy wasn’t directly aimed at him.  

Over a decade later, he knew his daughter better than he knew himself. It was why he nodded, gesturing to the seat next to him in a clear invitation. “Of course it is, but won’t the others miss you?” 

“Oh, they’re all too busy finishing the last of the wine to miss me right away and… I don’t know why but I needed a minute away from everything. It was all a bit… much.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to my world. This family has always been a bit much,” Tommy teased. That was why they both loved them though. The Shelby spirit was strong and made them who they were. They wouldn’t change it for the world, even if it did drive them nuts on occasion. 

And Toby was willingly entering this family, why? 

“I’m almost scared to ask what’s being going on up there.”

“Probably wise, Dad. No one should see thing things I have tonight.” 

“I thought so.”

A laugh escaped Evie’s lips as she sat beside him, accepting the glass of whiskey he handed her without a second thought. It was simply routine by this point, the two of them caught in a silent routine on nights like this when they needed to simply clear their heads and think. 

It was an unwritten agreement between the pair of them. As was the somewhat confessional nature this room had taken on in its time under the Shelby household. So much had happened since they’d first moved in to Arrow House, from Charles and Ruby being born, to losing Grace, to Evie falling in love, Tommy’s ascension to Parliament, losing John and Esme, Lizzie and Tommy’s wedding… 

Only a decade or so, and yet Evie felt like a whole novel would never be enough to capture her family’s history or the almost surreal events that had taken place.

“Besides, it’s been a while since we had a talk like this, Dad,” Evie continued, shrugging as she sipped her drink and stared at the room. “Everything’s been happening so fast since Toby proposed. It feels like we haven’t had a moment to breathe, really. You’ve been so helpful, agreeing to everything and allowing us to turn this place upside down. I can’t thank you enough for that, by the way. I half expected you to be like Arthur yelling at the florist earlier.”

“It’s the least I can do, Evie. It’s not every day my daughter gets married - and he yelled so I didn’t have to. Fucking trying to sneak carnations in when the order clearly said Clematis with the centrepieces.”

Evie snorted, failing to hide the fact hearing Tommy Shelby raging about flowers was possibly the funniest thing to have ever happened. Ever. Good thing he hadn’t been there when someone had accidentally delivered the wrong amount of chairs for the tent erected out on the lawn. She could only imagine the carnage that would have occurred.  

“My knight in shining armour.” 

“Always. No ring changes that, Evie. I’ll always be there for you, whether it be to fend off blind florists or worse.” 

Despite the fact he acted as if he was merely joking, Evie knew her father meant each and every word. He always had. Even with their ups and downs, he had never abandoned her, always trying to do what was best for her, even if he went about it the wrong way from time to time. 

When she thought back now, to the day she’d first met him in that graveyard, on what had been one of the darkest days of her life, she wished she could tell her younger self not to be afraid. To not be angry or scared of the future before her and the wondrous people that would be in it, thanks to the wonderful man she got to call her father. 

“Dad, can… can I ask you a question? About tomorrow?” 

Tommy hummed softly. “I don’t know what I can tell you about weddings, but fine. Of course.”

“It’s not about the wedding per say, more the bit after. I just… I’m scared, Dad. I don’t know why but I am.”

The words made Tommy’s heart plummet before he’d even realised what she’d said. It took everything in him not to panic or try and express the pain he felt at the idea his daughter was scared about what was supposed to be a happy day - a happy and expensive one, even if Tobias had money enough to cover a lot of the costs. 

“Of what?” 

“I don’t know,” Evie whispered, almost as if ashamed to confess it. “I’m so happy and excited to start the life together Toby and I have talked about for years but, now that it’s here? I don’t know. I just … I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out and I don’t know why. Is something wrong with me? Who gets terrified of their own wedding?”

“Every fucking sane person on the planet,” Tommy countered swiftly, a hand reaching out to take hers. “As someone with experience here, you can trust me when I say everyone gets scared, Evie. Everyone. No matter how certain you are that you love the person or that this is the right next step.”  

“But why?” 

“Because it’s a big commitment,” Tommy continued, “and it’s a new chapter in your life. That’s exciting but also terrifying. To know you have a chance to start a family of your own? To choose your own path? That’s nothing to take lightly, and if I didn’t think you wanted this, or that you weren’t ready, I would have said something before now. You can count on that.” 

He had a point.  

“And I know you, Evelyn Shelby. You have never let anything or anyone stop you from going after what you want, even if it’s scary or someone says no. If being with Tobias is what you want, then so be it. You’re a grown woman, as much as I fucking hate to admit it. I think you’ve proven over and over again that you’re the bravest one out of the lot of us, and I’m so proud of you. Your Mother would be too. She’d want you to be happy and to enjoy tomorrow for what it is: the start of another chapter in your incredible life.” 

The thought of her absence was enough to make Evie’s eyes sting with tears, as was the conviction with which her father spoke about her. The pride was clear, even if he looked a little scared himself at what tomorrow would bring for them all. 

“Thank you.”

Tommy nodded, knowing better than to argue as she threw herself at him, coiling herself around him as she often did. Ever since the first time she’d done it, he’d been unable to resist it. So what? His daughter’s embrace was one of the few in the world that made him feel loved. It was as if her presence alone was enough to restore him, to banish whatever was troubling him. 

The thought he wouldn’t just be able to have such hugs so frequently made his heart ache even more. 

He didn’t want her to go. 

In his eyes, she was still the twelve-year-old girl he’d first met. She always would be, no matter how much she insisted on growing up and being a so called ‘adult’. It was why he planned on keeping her room upstairs exactly as it was now, just in the case she ever needed or even wanted it. 

That, and because he physically couldn’t bear to erase any remaining traces of her from his home. Of course, Lizzie had teased him rotten about it, even if she understood. Still young, Lizzie hated the thought of Ruby ever growing up and leaving her for anyone - let alone a husband. 

At least they had some time left before that would be happening. Tommy didn’t know if he could survive anymore heartache so soon.

“I love you, so much, Evie,” Tommy whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and holding her close. “You’ll always be my little girl, and you’ll always be welcome here. Anytime, day or night. This will still be your home, and we’ll still be your family. If anything, we’re simply gaining more members, not losing any. Understand?”

“Yes,” Evie nodded, wiping her eyes as she shot him a watery smile. “I love you too, Dad, even if I swear I’m supposed to be the one telling you all this. Isn’t it normally the father of the bride who’s supposed to get all teary eyed and jittery the night before?”

“We’ve never been conventional, Evie. In case you forgot, we have politicians, the Lee branch of the family, and Alfie fucking Solomons all coming tomorrow, for fucks sake. Why should we start worrying about tradition now?” 

Evie’s laughter was infectious at the picture of the eclectic scene awaiting them, especially considering how excited Alfie had been at the prospect of attending a Shelby wedding. Oh, Arthur was going to explode at the sight of the Jewish gangster sat in all his finery. That, and when he saw the huge gift he had been promising her for weeks now.  

She couldn’t wait.  

“True. Well, traditional or not, I’m so grateful for the life we have, Dad. I’ll never be able to tell you how grateful I am that you were the person who showed up at that graveyard,” she confessed. “There’s no one else in the whole world I want to be my side tomorrow. You’ll still walk me down the aisle, right?”

Tommy beamed. “How can you ask that, Evelyn Shelby? I’ve always been right beside you and tomorrow is no different. Wild horses couldn’t stop me.” 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Tommy whispered, “simply enjoy yourself and let me and the others take care of the rest. That’s all the thanks we need… and maybe call once in a while, just so I know you’re alright.”

Evie laughed, knowing she would probably still end up here most of the time anyway after she was married. But she agreed, pleased to put his mind at rest as well as he’d put her own. “I really do love you, Dad.” 

“And I love you too, Evie. Always.” 

[popculturebuffet]

Final Space: And Into The Fire Review or Now with 110% More Homoerotic Telepathy

Welcome  new and old to my first Final Space review! If you’ve never seen the blog before, and given this is the first “new” series i’ve covered as it come out in some time that’s probably quite a few of you, welcome. I’m Jake, I do recaps and reviews of various animated shows and comics, mostly just stuff I want to do, often on comission (5 dollars an episode if theres any episode of the first two seasons of this show or any episode of any other show you’d like tos ee me cover), or for my patreon patreon.com/popculturebuffet. And it is my utmost honor to add this show to my rotating roster of shows I cover as they come out. 

I friggin love Final Space. I was intrigued by it back when TBS released the animatics alongside Close Enough (Wth the two shows ironically finally together on HBO max as of earlier this month), for their doomed block. I heard a lot of good things about season 1.. and let it get away from me, not watching it till Season 2. But both seasons had more than enough to pull me in with intriguging characters, even greater jokes and a truly unique idea for a premise involving giant monsters, an edltrich god and lots of cookies. 

So while it took an extra year given Covid, I’m super friggin pumped to get into season 3 at long last after the hell of a cliffhanger, especially since ironically last night I saw Steven Yeun’s oscar nominated performance in “Minari”. Now i get to watch him play a cat teenager again too.. and in a few days Mark friggin Grayson. It’s a good week to be a fan of his is what i’m saying and a good week in general. 

Previously on Final Space Yo!: Since it’s been a year and while the series provides  a recap , I’m going to be doing these anyway so:

Our heroes finally got all 5 dimensional keys and freed Bolo, and in the process also freed Avacato from Invictus, the horrifying entity controlling final space. Meanwhile Tribore got Sheryl to stop being a selfish prick and she joined the team trying to be a better mother from now on. But freeing Bolo came at a high cost as Nightfall sacrified herself as the sixth key (KVN was natrually both Gary and Bolo’s first choice, but was inllegible. ) So we ended the season with our heroes entering Final Space and Gary reuniting with Quinn.... while Invictus loomed. So over a year later we finally get some answers so join me under the cut for spoilers, recaps, and homoerotic text ahoy. 

Something i’m doing since both the roster keeps changing.. and as I correctly guessed from the trailer, and the general tone of the promos for this season, that everyone won’t be all together all season.. or even in one piece.. i’ll be doing a silver age style roll call to let us know who all we have on the Team Squad for the episode Roll Call: Gary, Quinn, Avacato, Little Cato, Ash, Fox, KVN, HUE, AVA, Sheryl, Bolo, and Tribore

So we pick up right where we left off, Gary tearfully reuniting with Quinn, with Quinn wishing he hadn’t come for her, and Gary being Gary naturally having ignored that, and actually been more determined since that made it forbidden which made it extra tempting and him want to extra do it. God I missed this glorious idiot let me tell you. 

So things are quickly interrupted by invictus, who turns out to be a giant flaming head.. thing... and chases them and the crimson light, which has to start speeding with our heroes tethered to the outside, Quinn holding onto Gary. 

So we get one hell of a thrilling chase as the Crimson Light outspeeds the demon head and runs into two titans, but Bolo shows up to take out one, with Mooncake trying his dimension shattering blast thingy on Invictus.. and naturlaly g ven this is the big bad we need to show off how horrying they are, and it does NOTHING. But Gary catches his little buddy so we’re alright. 

Sheryl also shows off her badass bonafieds by LIGHTFOLDING THROUGH A TITAN... granted she still has some parenting skills to learn as “lightfolding while your son is hanging out the back through an edltrich god” really isn’t a motherly thing to do.. but neither is trying to murder your child several times or blaming him for how shitty your life turned out so ANYTHING is a step up for her. 

But.. it’s not enough. While she does manage to kill ONE the Crimson Light is too badly damaged to go on and we get two tragic deaths in one go... The Team Squad is forced to abandon the Crimson Light.. and AVA is too damaged to Upload into HUE. “I’m Sad” “For who?” “For you.. and for us. “ God damn Tom Kenny is amazing. You don’t need me telling you that, but sometimes you need a reminder. 

So our heroes end up on a desolate mystery world, stranded in final space with no ship, no suplies and no hope. The only thing to do now is survivie and hope they can continue the mission at some point. 

ONE MONTH LATER

Things have not gotten any better, as naturally , our heroes have only found weird cartoon eyed worms that regrow their heads when you bite them off. So while this means unlimited food, it’s also disgusting and Garry hates it. “This may be a head but it tastes like a butt”. Quinn and Tribore are with him and Quinn hasn’t been ready to talk about her experiences trapped in this hellscape and still isn’t but being a good dude, Gary dosen’t push her on it. Though the weird red veiny thing on her arm tells me maybe one of you should speed that up before she explodes or gets cronnenburgy. Just saying. I’ll also say i’m not huge on the one month time skip, as while I feel they probably have a reason for being that specific i’ts a bit TOO long and I question why have that long a period of a jump, not the longest but still long enough for things to happen with nothing changingin that time? Still it’s a minor nitpick in an otherwise fantastic episode so I can let it go, I just don’t get it. 

What we do get is some Gary Corpses dropping and Invictius puppeting them... i’m with gary that is bowel openingly scary. I also do like how despite the FAR more dire circumstances, they still get in the requisite shenanigans this series requires. I’ts not to the network mandated subplot levels where it distracts, but it’s enough to help ease the terror of the situation and isn’t around for situations like the opening where it really SHOULDN’T be. As the series always has when something big happens, the bollocks goes away. Once we’re in between we can get back to literal pissing contests, KVN leading a crowd to their deaths and HUE in a pimp hat like god intended. 

So yeah our heroes have to outrun the horrible horde of Gary’s, though Little Cato catches on something’s wrong as Tribore makes gary cary him as foreshadowing for later and Sends mooncake down to asssit. Our heroes escape.. but a cave in happens.

After the break, Gary wakes up confused with the party now split in two: Gary, Quinn, KVN, Tribore and HUE on one side and Avacato, Ash, Fox, Little Cato and Sheryl on the other. So Gary does the logical thing... and take his shirt off telling Avacato to feel him. 

I mean I didn’t even ship them before this scene but... Gary claims because of their bond he can telepahtically connect with Avacato. That’s normal Gary shenanigans.. except not only does he shrug off his girlfriend asking why they can’t do that.. but it WORKS. We have a scene of the two telepahtically talking in a wheatfield that is so homerotic I guarantee there only wasn’t the Careless Whisper sax because they couldn’t afford it.. or their saving it for later this season. Look sometimes you don’t ship a ship because you just.. dont’ care that strongly one way or another and sometimes you just need an incredibly gay scene to see the light. Same thing happened with Weblena same thing here. 

Fox also says “that was glorious to watch” same man. That was freaking art. So our heroes split up into three plots. As usual for me

Team Gary: So yeah... Triobore’s pregnant. No way to really softball into that. He’s been pregnant this whole time. So we get a stupid and mildly horrifying gross out sequence with Gary having to look Triobore in teh eyes and Quinn having to “uncork him”. Which is code for ... you know what i’m not going to say it. If you’ve seen the episode you know and if not your better off not visualizing it trust me. Point is this whole sequence is dumb and the worst part of the episode by far. And the series CAN do good gross out. While Olan Rodgers regrets it, the pissing contest was one of the funniest scenes of season 2, and managed to make a gross idea on paper actually pretty damn funny. This.. this is just “Haha males giving birth and tribore’s an asshole”. There’s no joke here just a .. plug. .. gah.. the vomit is rising let me tell you. 

We do get something good out of this nightmare, Tribore’s son who hatches as the army of gary’s dig their way in, Quanstranstro, who rapidly ages into a stylsih spanish speaking adult badass. He is fucking awesome and a great addition to the team and the sheer.. oddity of his birth is wonderful even if the actual birthing was not. Then the climax happens so before that. 

Team Avacato:

Avacato and Co come across a sleeping giant robot cyborg .. thingy. Naturally Fox wakes him up. Little Cato remains not suprised. It occelates between panicking over it’s legs being gone and amenisa and is pretty damn funny. It’s voiced by John Dimagio. But it gets serious as we find out nothing has ever made it out of final space, and things.. change the longer there there. And Quinn’s been there several months if not a year. Whuh oh. This part is much better both due to better jokes and plot advancment.. though again Quanstrano is still fucking amazing. 

Team Bolo: Bolo meanwhile returns and fights a titan, and has mooncake help him rather htan join the others, but looses, hitting the planet with his body.. I mean he might not get back up.. but the impact shatters the caverns and causes an explosion. Everyone but Gary, Quinn, KVN and HUE are MIA, as our remaining party find earth floating overhead. 

TO BE CONTINUED> 

Final Thoughts: A decent start to the season. Like I said the whole birthing sequence can die in a fire and reminds me of the terrible comedy subplots adult swim wanted grafted onto two episodes.. but otherwise it’s a tense stark opener that sets up the bleak tone while still keeping the series rediciulous shenanigans in tact. It’s the perfect welcome back after so long. I mean the gay telepathy alone would make it a winner. 

Next Time on This Blog: We dive into a little history with HIsteria. See you at the next rainbow. 

[zodiyack]

Act Like It’s Real (Tell Me It’s Real; Part Two)

Requested by anon: Could please you do a part 2 to Tell Me It’s Real? It was so good and I’m dying for a part two! 😊

Pairing: Roman Sionis x Female!Vigilante!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Roman Sionis, mention of murder, mention of Roman’s favorite hobby involving knives and traitors, again I say- mention of Stockholm syndrome??

Words: 1,447

Summary: Uh...Read part one I guess

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @fandom-puff​, @darling-i-read-it​, @simonsbluee​

Masterlist | Birds Of Prey Masterlist

Part One

It had been almost a year. She hadn’t lost track of time once. Roman wasn’t the person who’d check in on her, probably to spare his own feelings. Instead, he’d sent his best friend and right hand man, Victor Zsasz. Of course, Victor had his own opinions on Y/n’s betrayal.

“You got what was comin’ for ya. Be grateful he doesn’t want you dead.” Victor would make quips and insults every time he was in the room with her, especially if she wasn’t talkative that day. In which case, it was every day.

Today was the worst of them all. Roman had instructed Victor to fetch Y/n and bring her to him. Zsasz was overjoyed, for many reasons everyone could guess. He had pictured pretty much every possibility and outcome since Roman sent him.

Victor’s favorite images and situations were all related to Y/n’s death. It was to his disappointment when Roman simply stood in front of her for a moment or two before pulling her into a tight hug. The man walked away murmuring under his breath.

“So. Has Zsasz been treating you well?” Roman snapped his fingers and a random man-possibly-waiter rushed over, placing a plate in front of both Y/n and Roman. Sionis chuckled as Y/n began to shovel food into her mouth, “Ahaha! Well I suppose not! I’ll have to talk to him about that.”

Y/n swallowed her food down before talking. “Why are you being so nice to me? I betrayed you. If anything, I thought you’d yell at me, skin my face, or some shit like that.”

“Now why would you think that?”

Roman was completely and unusually calm. Y/n knew it was abnormal, so she prepared herself for the worst. Half of her was even expecting him to explode, all expectations verbally and, or, physically. Roman just felt off when he was calm.

“Oh gee, I dunno. After-all, I only tried to murder your ass, or at least knock you out long enough to get you in a fucking jail cell.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Getting caught.” Roman clenched his jaw, but Y/n continued talking. She could care less whether or not Roman hated her for the truth. If he wanted the truth, he could suck it up and have it, otherwise, he shouldn’t have asked for it. “I mean, yeah, I do feel like I should’ve done it before but-”

“Before what?”

“You really gonna ask me that question?”

Roman laughed like she’d said the funniest thing in the world. “Well yes, I just did, did I not?”

“I suppose you did. Well uh...I just wish I’d gone through with it before I let myself catch feelings for you.”

He sat up straighter and allowed his eyes to study her, her words catching him and hooking him like a fish. “I call bullshit.” The two at the table turned their heads to see Victor returning with a glass in hand. He seemed uninterested, offended by it even, in Roman’s fascination with Y/n.

“Call it what you want. It’s the truth. You said to tell you the truth, didn’t you?” She ignored Victor, keeping her eyes trained on Roman. “Well here’s the truth. It took me months to prepare myself to do that. I was still in the phase of doubt and guilt when I did it in the first place. Do you think I like that I did that to you? Do you think I like that I decided to deceive you instead of going for any other option?”

“It doesn’t matter whether you like it or not, girlie. You still stabbed him in the back. With a very sharp knife, might I add.”

“That will be enough, Zsasz.” Roman intervened for the first time since she’d been caught and locked up. She remembered the day after, when the man was supposed to show up with a lie-detector and Roman, but Victor joined him instead.

“Do you regret what you tried to do to Roman Sionis?” He spoke slowly.

Y/n held an expression practically made of stone as she answered every question. “No.”

Victor chuckled, not because he was happy with her actions but because he was happy with her answer. He was to tell Roman everything that happened, and he was counting on the worst possible things to come from the vigilante’s mouth. The lack of a shock only made him smile more; she was telling the truth.

“Do you think you should’ve drugged Victor Zsasz as well?”

“Yes.”

Again, no shock.

“Do you genuinely love Roman Sionis?” The man paused. “Let me rephrase that. Do you genuinely have feelings for Roman Sionis?”

Y/n hesitated with her answer. It felt like it was caught in her throat. “No.” Zsasz began to smile, knowing she’d just confessed to something that could mean her death, but his smile disappeared quicker than it had appeared. Y/n screamed as shocks ran through her body, hips lifting in attempt to escape the electricity as she squirmed violently.

That was when he promised himself he would only lie to Roman about things involving Y/n. In his mind, she was never allowed to be a part of Roman’s life ever again. If Roman knew she indeed had felt romantic feelings for him, it’d mean his mission would be a flop before it even went anywhere. So, he reported a lie, and as a result, Victor was the one to check in on Y/n instead of Roman.

After the twentieth time Victor opened the door, Y/n admitted to herself that she had a feeling she didn’t know how to feel about. She ranted to herself, but never aloud where another soul could hear her, that she really, really, fucking missed Roman.

“Why? Why not more? She’s the one who fucking lied!” Victor scoffed.

“Yes, she betrayed me and-”

“No! Not just that! She lied about being on your side! She lied by drugging your drink! She lied about not having feelings for you! She-”

“What did you say?”

Victor caught himself, replaying his own words back in his head as his eyes began to grow into bulging circles. “I- I-”

“What. Did. You. Say?”

“Well uhm...you see, she did lie a-and get shocked but... She said she didn’t have feelings for you and uh...she got shocked. I didn’t tell you because-”

Roman’s face returned to it’s natural, for him, look of red. “Because what, Zsasz?! You sabotaged my relationship because what?! I could’ve checked on her, made sure she was healthy and okay, probably healed quite a bit of what we broke, but you convinced me she wanted nothing to do with me?!”

Y/n stayed silent, but that didn’t prevent her from glaring daggers into Victor. If looks could kill, he’d be dead more times than planet Earth had ever known a death.

“Get out. I said get out!” Victor tripped over his own feet, running out of the room and leaving Y/n and Roman to the peace Roman had originally wanted. He ran a hand through his hair and turned back towards her, an apologetic look barely hanging onto his face as it returned to a natural looking pale color. “I’m sorry.”

Y/n watched him as he struggled to find the right words. She shook her head with a small smile before he could say any more. “I’m sorry too. Yeah, it was my goal to bring you to justice, but now that I’ve fallen so far...I suppose all I can do is tell the truth.”

“Oh yes...what to do about your job? Perhaps you could continue with your vigilante ways, but that would require you to do one of two things.” He raised his brows, waiting for Y/n to gesture for him to continue. “Either; one, we forget about our feelings for each other and you do your vigilante thing or whatever, or two, we make this work in secret.”

“Why in secret?”

Roman laughed loudly. He stopped when he noticed her expression had yet to change. “Oh you’re being serious- Okay... As a vigilante, your job is to throw us in jail, correct?” She nodded. “Exactly. So if someone knew you were involved with me, you could lose your job, be shunned, or worse.”

“And that would be horrible for me, as well as possibly the both of us.”

“Bingo!”

Y/n bit her lip as she thought to herself. “So what do we do?”

Roman began to fidget with Y/n’s uniform, ignoring her complaints when he cut slices and holes in random parts. He grabbed her hand and, without words, told her to punch him in the face. After some more adjustments to their appearances, Roman finally answered her.

“Act like it’s real.”

[kirnet]

kirnet x atton (but not really lol). 2.2k words. Dxun sucks ass

Despite everything that she had done as Revan’s left hand, Kirnet believed in the light side of the Force. It moved through every living creature; every sentient, beast, and plant (and droid, Kirnet had argued at every opportunity with Malak as Revan laughed at their squabbling). Therefore, everything deserved compassion and humility, from the Grand Chancellor of the Republic to the smallest insect. As flawed as she found her old masters, she still clung to their belief that all life was precious, even when they couldn’t bring themselves to live and die by their own teachings.

As hard as had been since taking over the Ebon Hawk, Kirnet tried to follow this philosophy. Of course, sometimes it couldn’t be helped that the occasional mercenary needed an emergency amputation or that a Sith assassin got gently helped over the side of one of Nar Shaddaa’s lofty gangways. But, to Kreia’s frustration, Kirnet tried to be kind. She had done her share of harm in the war. Harm that she could feel seeping from the scarred surface of Dxun into her bones as she circled the Hawk, checking for any damage from their recent run in with Onderon’s fleet.

Harm that she was about to unleash all over again if these kriffing mosquitos wouldn’t leave her alone.

She waved her hand around her ear, trying to gently signal to the offending creature (Yes, creature, she reminded herself. A creature that can feel the Force just as well as the people on my ship) that it should get lost. For the moment, it took the hint and buzzed off. Kirnet sighed, her shoulders relaxing as she wiped the sweat from her brow. Dxun wasn’t just hot, it was humid. Oppressive. It sat on her shoulders and pressed her down into the overgrown earth. She was well aware of what lay buried under the tall grass. Ship fragments. Mandalorian armor. That overeager Jedi with the lopsided smile, just knighted the week before, who always sat at her right in the mess hall and offered her their leftover gruel. They had the funniest laugh, she remembered.

The tall grass tickled her calf, bringing Kirnet back to her senses. She forced her right foot forward, then her left, until she was back on her lazy path around the pockmarked Hawk. Her hand fell to her bare neck, where she could already feel the bumps left by Dxun’s own insect fleet beginning to form.

Sure, it’s not in mint condition, and there's damage from Onderon’s “Welcoming Committee”, but I don’t see why Atton needs to spend all of his time-

Buzz.

The kriffing bug was back. 

Or maybe one of it’s friends. No, Kirnet was sure it was the same one. It was here to spite her. Punish her for everything she had done to this moon. Her fists clenched at her side as she closed her eyes, partly to relax herself, and partly to keep the insect from successfully diving into them.

This was a living being, a fellow creature of the galaxy. A being deserving of a Jedi’s compass-

Was there another fucking one?

There was! The droning was twofold around her head. Pressure built behind Kirnet’s eyes and pushed up on her feet and down on her shoulders. It pushed and squeezed on all sides like a vice as the swarm grew and stabbed at her eardrums. That nasally, buzzing laugh. Kirnet had made a joke at Malak’s expense. The table had laughed along with her. What was that knight’s name again?

Her hands snapped open, leaving her with blissful quiet as the mosquitos hung suspended in the air. Force, she would embrace any ancient Sith teaching to be able to suspend every mosquito on this Force forsaken planet at once. Anything to get that incessant droning to stop. Maybe Bao-Dur would make her another Mass Shadow Generator. 

Wow. Revan had really rubbed off on her.

“Uh, Kirnet? Everything alright?”

She released the insects at the voice, not even noticing their stuttering buzzing as she turned to Atton. He had eschewed his usual jacket for his undershirt, currently drenched in sweat and rolled up past his pale forearms. Kirnet tried to blink the dots from her eyes. Or were they mosquitoes?

“Kirnet?”

“Hmm?”

“I asked if everything was alright?” He was closer now, brow furrowed as he leaned in. Kirnet could feel his gaze ghost up her arms and over her swelling neck.

Mustering a flimsy smile, she shrugged. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Whatever assessment he was making of her had apparently concluded. Atton’s eyes hardened again as he waved his hydrospanner in her face. “Because you raised the temperature by about ten degrees, and it does not need to get any kriffing hotter on this planet.” He looked down at his own shirt, his face contorted in disgust. “Just look at me,” he grumbled.

Kirnet crossed her arms and leaned against the Hawk’s landing foot, her homicidal ideations towards insect-kind long forgotten. “I don’t know about that. I quite like the heat,” she lied, ignoring the fat bead of sweat running down her forehead, and held out her hand. Atton rolled his eyes and released the spanner, Kirnet snatching it up with the Force from his open hand. Space, it felt wonderful to be able to do that again. She studied it for a second before turning her attention back to the ship. “And labor makes you warm, flyboy,” she quipped. “I know you’ve never worked a day in your delicate life-”

“Excuse me?” Kirnet sniggered at Atton’s predictable outburst, a quiet laugh behind his words betraying his amusement. “I’ve spent all day working on this hunk of scrap metal and this is the thanks I get?” He scoffed and leaned on the support next to Kirnet, their arms brushing together. “Delicate! Delicate she calls me!”

With a snort, she dropped her head onto his sweaty shoulder. Atton jumped the tiniest amount, so subtle that even Kirnet almost missed it, before leaning into her. “I do appreciate everything you’re doing, Atton,” she said, smirk dropping to a faint smile. He just nodded, his proximity ruffling Kirnet’s damp hair. She didn’t need to say it. He already knew.

“Though,” she drawled, pointing at the Hawk’s durasteel underbelly with the hydrospanner. Atton looked up with her, his cheek leaving the top of her head. The chill set in again. She hadn’t noticed it had left. “You could work a bit faster. The sooner you finish taking your sweet time the sooner we can get off of this hell planet.”

Cursing, Atton snatched the tool from her hand, throwing out his arms as he made his way to another battle scar in the ship’s hull. Kirnet giggled at the theatrics, the sincerity of the moment before slipping into their usual routine. “I stay behind and slave in the heat while you guys go off and -”

“And get eaten alive by bugs and bigger things.” Kirnet cut him off. Her smile dropped as she stepped closer to him. “Atton, you’re the one insisting on staying back. I’d much rather leave Bao-Dur and T3 here and take you with.” She tried to convince herself it was because Atton was much better with mines than her. (Though Mira was undoubtedly the best and was already going to be in her party. She hurriedly pushed the connotations of that thought aside.) Dxun was littered with them from the Mandalorian occupation, and while her soldiers had cleared as many as they could at the time, there were doubtless thousands more that had been missed. That Jedi had stepped on one, she blankly recalled. Their legs had flown off in two opposite directions. They had advanced on her orders.

Atton swallowed hard. “You think that droid can repair the Hawk better than I can?” Despite his tone, his voice lost it’s playful bite. 

“Yes. And so can Bao-Dur. Much faster, too.” Atton pointedly ignored her, now apparently immersed in sealing the blaster hole. Kirnet sighed and closed the distance between them. Gently, she put her hand on Atton’s, his knuckles white around the hydrospanner. He turned it off but didn’t move his gaze from the hull. “I understand not wanting to go out into the jungle,” she laughed mirthlessly. “And I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. But, Atton, if something is wrong-”

“No!” he started too forcefully, wincing as Kirnet withdrew her hand. “No,” he said again, finally turning to look at her. “Nothing’s wrong. As boring as it is I’d rather be here than on the receiving end of a landmine.” Kirnet shrugged. No argument there. “It’s really nothing too complicated. It’ll just take a while.” His face split into a smug smile as he leaned forward against the Hawk, his arm now above her head. Kirnet noticed it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Unless you want to be crammed in an access hatch with me for a day or two.” He had the audacity to wink.

Ah. There it was. The flirtatious deflection. Usually, Kirnet would be more than happy to join in the banter, but the growing vignette around her vision and the hammering in her skull put an end to that line of thought. Fine, he didn’t want to talk about it, and Kirnet was not eager for a real argument, not one of their usual playful spats. Maybe he felt the painful chill in his bones like she did despite the sweltering heat. He was getting stronger in the Force, after all. Or was there something else he wasn’t telling her?

Maybe he just didn’t want to be the latest victim of her leadership on Dxun.

Kirnet rubbed her arms, the chill seeping in further. “I don’t want to go out there any more than you do,” she grumbled. “But something tells me that we won’t get to leave until I find-” She paused, her face contorting as she gestured vaguely towards the jungle. “Something.” Perhaps an old base? The final assault on the Mandalorians, the suicide mission she had ordered, had taken place at one of these abandoned strongholds. If she stumbled onto one, would she recognize it? Or would it be just another scar, long since scabbed over by the eager jungle?

“Suit yourself.” Atton shrugged, pushing his mop of hair out of his face and quickly turning back to the blaster hole. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Nothing special, I’m sure,” Kirnet deadpanned, already starting towards the Hawk’s entrance. “I’m leaving T3- no, do not start with that. Be nice and let him help. And take time to do your meditations. We’ll be back before sundown. Hopefully.”

“Anything else?” Atton scoffed.

Kirnet paused. “Yes, actually. Just a word of advice. After you admit to someone that most of the words that come out of your mouth are lies, it’s easier to tell when you’re not telling the truth.” Atton opened his mouth, but Kirnet put out a hand to stop him. “No need to explain. You’ve already come forward with enough. But if you are stalling repairs for some reason, Atton, then I hope you’re filling your free time with something productive.”

Expression hardening into a scowl, he turned back to the damage. “I’ll get right on that, General,” he all but snarled.

Of course, General. What are your orders?

The migraine hit Kirnet with renewed vigor, almost knocking her to the ground. It took all her effort to keep her shoulders square. “Stay safe,” she mumbled at the grass. “Try not to let the bugs eat you alive. Comlink’s open if you need me.” She didn’t wait for a reply before heading up the hangar door.

“Stay safe,” is what he wanted to shout back. “Keep your head on a swivel, and I’ll come running if you need me.” Atton opened his mouth, then closed it, then settled on grinding his teeth as he listened to Kirnet’s retreating footsteps. The patch of flattened grass that she had stood on moments before tried in vain to stretch back up to its original height.  “Nice going, shutta,” he groaned. No one was around to hear him.

A mosquito landed on his arm. He slapped it before getting back to work.