#i will leave this blog up for a few more days and queue this so that the word hopefully gets around to my mutuals who are still active

[peachsayshi]

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄ blessings ⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

↬ summary: nanami kento tries to be the perfect husband and father but when a tough night fighting curses ends badly it results in nanami snapping at his daughter. 

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ minors / ageless / blank blogs (dni) ��･tags: nanami x female reader; hurt/comfort; nanami has a daughter; domestic drama; being a jujutsu sorcerer is hard; momotarō is a famous Japanese folk tale :c ↬･ wc: 3,383

↬ notes: hi, everyone! I'm currently not really active at the moment so please don't feel disheartened if I haven't been responding to your messages or tagged posts. I'm taking a small break and only coming online for a bit to catch up on some messages, read fics or queue posts. I'll be back to properly posting and interacting soon but in the meantime I wanted to share that I finished up this draft over the weekend. I was actually debating if I should post this but then just decided to go for it! sending all my love xx

nanami’s head is heavy, completely clouded with despair, and it tints his brown eyes a shade of murky gray. the walls of his beautiful home feel narrow, almost claustrophobic, which explains why he’s struggling to catch his breath right now. stepping into the hallway, he instinctively peeks into the dining area to find you and his daughter eating dinner together. she’s sitting on the chair, her legs far too short to even touch the ground, holding a half eaten onigiri between her small hands. you are by her side, sneakily tidying up after her as you brush away the stray beads of rice trickling onto the table. 

a little glow blooms in nanami’s heart at the sight of you both but there is a vicious creature residing in the pit of his stomach that veils the bright light away. 

he quietly takes off his jacket, his bruised fingers loosening the tie around his neck. he clears his throat before announcing with exhaustion to you both that he’s finally home. 

your eyes meet his, the muscles on your face falling immediately. he can practically feel the blood rushing through your veins as worry washes over you. the reaction makes his chest uncomfortably tight, but he knows that he can’t hide his expressions around you like he used to. 

you both move together so fluidly now, like a single body of water that ebbs and flows to its own natural current. 

he escaped the night’s fight with a few cuts and a couple of bad bruises, but there is currently a student on shoko’s table who barely made it through. the young man arrived at jujutsu tech only a couple of weeks ago, but his naive and charismatic qualities turned into fatal flaws in the world of sorcery.

he bit off more than he could chew by trying to take on a special grade curse.  

shoko promised nanami that she would heal the boy, but admitted there was only so much she can do in regards to the aftermath of his injuries. the sorcerer couldn’t bare to leave him behind, but gojo refused that he stay and insisted that he return back home to his pretty wife and adorable daughter immediately. 

“I’ll handle things from here,” is what his superior said, while nanami’s guilt climbed up his throat. 

that student was his responsibility... 

...and he failed him entirely. 

“papa’s home!” his daughter chirps. the pitch of her voice ringing in nanami’s ears to pull him back to the present and far away from the scene where life and death were dancing together in a tango.  “papa, look, look...mama and I made onigiri!” 

her feet bounces up and down, and there’s a touch of a pink against her cheeks when her mouth stretches into a beaming grin. the innocence in her eyes makes nanami falter and he can feel himself falling deeper into the abyss. for a minute he resents himself for selfishly bringing such a beautiful thing into this world, only to gamble with the fact that she may potentially be in his shoes one day. 

he begs for that outcome to never happen, beseeches whatever higher power above him that exists to spare her from this life. she should never have to go through this, never have to experience these heartbreaks that only wither a person down. 

“I can see that,” nanami replies in a low voice before shifting his attention to his feet. 

right now, he can’t stomach an ounce of her purity, and it radiates around her like a halo. she's so unbothered by his presence, so completely unaware of the sudden change in the atmosphere around her... 

“we made tuna, salmon, and veggies...” she babbles on. 

“how nice...” nanami curtly interrupts, before anxiously running his fingers through the strands of his messy blonde hair. 

“which one do you want, papa?” she questions eagerly, pointing her sticky hands at the plate to show off the selection of triangles. 

“sweets,” you interject just as nanami turns on his heel to walk in the other direction, “how about we finish up eating our dinner, and we can save some for your daddy tomorrow...”

“nooo!” she whines far too loudly, which forces nanami to stop dead in his tracks. he glances over his shoulder to see her puffing out her bottom lip with disappointment, “you said...you said we make it so we eat together!” 

she’s only six. 

she can’t perceive that her father is struggling to hold himself together. deep down inside nanami knows that, but it isn’t enough to keep his cool. he doesn’t know why his daughter’s insistence causes him to pinch the front of his brows with annoyance or why he shoots a frustrated look in her direction. 

he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly picturing shoko calling the student’s parents to deliver the news that the man who was supposed to protect their child was unsuccessful in his duty. 

he doesn’t know why he feels at fault for everything that happened, even though the circumstances of the events were completely out of his control.  

he doesn’t know why he’s imagining himself on the receiving end of a very similar call, or why he can’t stop picturing his precious daughter on that table instead…

all of this pummels into him, and the monster emerges out from it’s cave.  

“be quiet and stop making such a fuss.” 

his voice comes out sharper than expected, and the expulsion of his frustration allows him to see the crystal clear picture before him. 

the room is dead silent. 

your face is in full shock at the hissing tone of your sweet husband snapping at his darling baby girl who he only ever speaks to with a gentle voice. 

what truly unravels nanami is the look that his daughter is giving him - her angelic features are sullen, but her eyes remain wide with surprise. her bottom lip is slack, and the only sound he can hear is her uneasy breathing. her eyes, the most beautiful gems in existence, twinkle as tears begin to form and she tries to quickly blink them away before turning her attention back to her plate.  

nanami doesn’t know he managed to stop time itself but the three of you remain frozen in place. 

he regrets his words immediately. 

he wants nothing more than to pull his precious girl close into his chest and smother her with apologies. the part of him with sense tells him to follow through and make things right with her, but instead he begrudgingly continues to wallow in his own self pity as he walks over to his room. 

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

the house is unusually quiet now, the music of domestic joy morphing into hushed murmurs and whispers outside your room door. you settle your crestfallen daughter into her bedroom before moving to check on your husband next. 

fresh out of the shower, nanami is seated on the edge of the bed with his exhausted eyes pressed firmly into the palms of his hands. he exhales a heavy breath, his dirty work clothes still piled just outside the bathroom, and your heart nearly collapses seeing him in such a state of disarray.

you kneel before him, two hands sliding across the soft material of his sweats as you brush them along his thighs before carefully bringing them up to circle around his wrists. 

“kento?” 

he allows you to pull his palms away but your throat constricts when a band forms tightly around your neck. you swallow the lump with an upturn of your brows as you are greeted with red, exhausted eyes. you cup that handsome face in your hands, your thumbs sweetly motioning back and forth across his cheeks as you try to soothe the tension away. 

after all this time together, it hurts you to see that he still tries to hide his tears. nanami constantly holds himself to the highest standard, always ensuring that he can solidify himself as the rock for you and your daughter to depend on through thick and thin. it’s so rare for you to see him crack, to watch him crumble under the overbearing weight of the things that he is burdened to carry. 

“you had a rough night,” you point out in a low, sympathetic voice and he simply just nods his head in acknowledgement. 

his eyes flutter close again when you lean forward to press a tender, reassuring kiss on his brow. “you want a talk about it?” 

the way his voice shakes makes you shiver, but you tentatively listen as he relays the events of the night before finally concluding that satoru called him only a few minutes ago to reassure him that the student in question is alright. 

“he lost an eye, but at least he’s alive...” he concludes somberly, the warble in his final statement prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck as you pull him in for a protective hug. 

nanami receives it with gratitude, strong arms circling around your waist as he buries his nose into the crook of your shoulder and breathes in.

your scent is a reminder of his permanent sanctuary.

a safety, a reassurance of home.

you stroke his blonde locks between your fingers until he exhales, "i'm so sorry," he breathes, "I...I didn't mean to snap like that..."

a tiny smile tugs at the corners of your lips, and you unravel yourself to cup his jaw into your palms once again. "I appreciate the apology, but I don't think I should be on the receiving end of it..." you hint sweetly.

nanami closes his eyes guiltily. "I'm a horrible father."

you click your tongue with disappointment, your face falling as your disapproval pinches between the space of your brows.

"you're just human," you remind him defensively, "you're a wonderful father, the best man that our daughter can look up to"

"did you see the look on her face?" he replies, his voice unnaturally small. the tender expression he gives you is filled with regret, and it's enough to make your heart ache all over again.

"kento," you contend, "don't do this to yourself. we're both going to have days where we mess up, but that doesn't mean that the problem can't be fixed."

you thread his hair between your fingers, like your brushing through rays sunlight. "she's waiting for me to read her a bedtime story," you explain, "but I'm sure she would rather be with you instead..."

"I doubt that," your husband replies as he reaches for your hand to kiss the inside of your palm.

"we will always love you, kento," you answer back, "unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

he didn't even know how desperately he needed to hear that, for your certainty to remedy away all his sorrows, until they actually left your lips.

your husband's throat tightens, tears pricking his eyes once more but he hides them away when he leans in to seek out a kiss from the woman whose heart he deeply adores.

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

nanami leans his shoulder against the frame of his daughter's room. his heart patters lightly, making him realize that he might actually be nervous. it's strange, he thinks, that he would feel hesitant to approach his own child considering that he was her guardian but nanami had never allowed his professional life to fracture into his personal one like this before.

she's seated on the floor next to a pile of books and her stuffed rabbit secured tightly underneath her arm. there's a warmth in his chest when when he makes note of the soft toy, because he purchased that himself the day she was born and the pair have been inseparable ever since.

he clears his throat, bringing his scuffed knuckles to gently knock on the door.

"my love?" he calls out to her.

his daughter perks up, her breathing changing slightly as it rises and falls with a hint of apprehension. she glances over her shoulder to see him.

"where's mama?" she asks, her question shattering the man into a million pieces at her subtle dismissal.

"taking a shower," he answers cooly, "but I'm here to get you ready for bed..."

her lovely eyes refuse to lock into his own, and she simply tucks her lip between her bottom teeth to avoid giving nanami a reply.

she looks so much like him when he was a child. he remembered when his parents used to scold him too, and how he would also hide away in his room. the only difference is that nanami's parents were far more traditional - a time where elders were never submissive to young hearts.

"may I come in?" he requests politely, ensuring that his daughter knew she had a choice if she wanted to speak to him.

her nostrils flare slightly while she considers him, but to his relief she nods her head eagerly.

nanami steps into her room, always feeling largely out of place amongst her things. "did you find a story for bed?" he asks.

she again quietly nods her head and picks up her favorite book; a compilation of japanese folktales with beautiful illustrations. you both have been reading one for her each night ever since she got it it as a present from her grandparents.

he crouches on his knees to meet her at eye level. "you've really been enjoying this one, haven't you?" he carries on, hoping to coax more words out of her.

“yeah,” she replies in the same mousy voice of uncertainty. she shifts her attention away when she stands on her feet, clutching onto the stuffed bunny tightly while her other hand swings the book by her side.

“and what tale are we reading tonight?”

she shrugs her shoulders with indifference, a hint of pink blushing her cheek. “I dunno. I…I can just until mama is ready…”

nanami visibly slumps. her rejection an entirely new painful experience that he's never endured before. he scratches the back of his head anxiously, finding himself at a loss for words. the seconds pass, an awkward bubble surrounding both father and daughter. it’s only broken when nanami exhales a sigh, and reaches his hands towards her waist to draw her into his frame.

“darling,” he addresses tenderly, “can you look at me?”

“no, you were mean…” she blurts out, her bottom lip trembling slightly.

nanami’s heart sinks.

that’s the first time he’s ever heard those words from her lips.

“I know,” he murmurs shamefully.

her mouth forms into a tiny button of a pout but she meets his eyes for the first time as he acknowledges his behavior.

nanami arches forward to kiss her forehead, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, sweetheart. I’m so sorry if I upset or scared you”

she fidgets with the book in her hand. “did you not want onigiri?” she asks, her innocence tugging the corners of her father’s lips into a small grin.

“it wasn’t the onigiri, my love,” he reassures, “daddy just…had a bad day at work…”

“why was it bad?”

nanami sighs once again.

she still doesn’t know that he’s a sorcerer. you’ve both reduced his position to her by simply explaining that nanami “helps and protects people".

thankfully your daughter doesn’t pry too hard to ask any further questions.

“someone I know got hurt. so, daddy was a little shaken up when he came home…”

"shaken up?"

"scared, my love"

his daughter shakes her head in disbelief, “nu-uh, you never get scared, papa” she rebuts.

nanami huffs out a laugh, flashing her a full grin now as he brings his fingers to his chin to to ponder her sweet statement. he quirks his brow and cheekily replies, "we can't all be brave like you," in an attempt to lighten the mood.

his daughter narrows her eyes towards his hand, her mind instantly distracted with other things already. "you got hurt too papa!" she gasps, dropping the bunny by her side to point at his knuckles.

nanami glances at his fingers covered in red marks.

"wait!" she exclaims as she places the book by his side. "I have something!"

she spins on her heel and rushes towards one of her drawers. meanwhile, nanami just takes her in with his love soaked eyes, watching as she rummages through her stuff with determination until she scurries back his way.

"got it!" she squeaks with a smile, and to his surprise she jumps right into his arms with such nonchalance it nearly make him crumble on the spot.

your voice echoes in the back of his mind: "we will always love you, kento. unconditionally. on your good days and your bad ones"

"mama bought it for me," she explains, regaining her father's attention once more.

nanami rests his cheek on her shoulder, and inhales her powdery scent as he keeps one arm warmly secured around her waist. he watches her peel off the plaster of the band aid, lbefore grabbing his hand and placing it unevenly over his knuckles.

"now a kiss!" she adds, as she brings his hand to her mouth and exaggerates a loud "mwah" sound for emphasis. "mama says the kiss is what makes it all better"

nanami instantly feels significantly better from this remedy of love. he extends his digits out, and looks at the hot pink "hello kitty" band aid that now rests comfortably on his knuckles.

"thank you, my darling," he coos and peppers her cheek with a few kisses before turning her to face him once again. "you made me feel a lot better"

she flashes him an equally large smile in return, showing off her missing teeth.

"I did?"

nanami chuckles as he scoops her up in his arms to give her a well deserved bear hug. she laughs as he stands on his two feet, and sheds away any lingering thoughts of apprehension that may have stuck.

"you always do," he reassures, his soul vibrating back to life when he feels her return his embrace. “you think you can forgive me for how I spoke earlier?”

“yeah,” she confirms and squeezes him just a little tighter. "I love you lots, papa"

"oh, my angel," he hums, "you have no idea just how much I love you too..."

･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

after winding down from your evening pampering session, you decide to pass by your daughter's room to check on your little family. you peer through the cracked door to find nanami spread out on your daughter’s bed, with your daughter curled into side and her head resting on his chest.

“did I come from a peach too like momotarō?” you hear her ask, but your heart flutters at the sight of your husband’s pearly whites.

you’ll never get over how much you love seeing him smile with such genuine emotion.

“no,” you hear nanami reply calmly, his finger lightly holding the page open. “you remember your mother explaining how you used to live in her stomach first?”

“oh yeah,” your daughter replies with a hint of disappointment over the fact that she was not birthed from a piece of fruit as mentioned in one of her favorite folk tales.

“shall I carry on?”

“uh-huh,” she answers and she readjusts her position to get even more comfortable. "I think if we look hard enough we might find momotarō..."

"you think so?" your husband wonders with honest curiosity.

"I know so, papa!"

"how many peaches do you think we need to check?"

"hmmm," she mumbles, "maybe a million?"

"a million?" your husband dramatically replies, "that's a lot of peaches don't you think,"

"I mean, it's less than a billion..." she responds quite matter of factly.

you catch his gaze from between the door that’s ajar. his expression fully relaxes, and you smile knowingly in his direction at the sight of father and daughter making up.

“papa?” his daughter questions upon his sudden silence, but your husband keeps his focus on you as he hums in acknowledgement before replying, "you're not wrong, but it'll still be quite a challenge to cut through a million peaches..."

"we might need some help," your daughter adds on.

you blow him a secret kiss as to not interrupt further, and quietly close the door before heading back to your bedroom.

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[idyllic-ghost]

hi! i'm leaving tumblr, and i wanted to put out an explanation post before i do.

i mainly write ff because it's a fun interaction with a fun community. recently it hasn't been so fun.

yes, i'm busy with work so i haven't had time - but even if i did have the time, i wouldn't reach to start writing like i used to. people always say this, but because of lack of interaction (i'm specifically referring to comments and/or reblogs) i've lost interest.

i have a few fics lined up for the next few months, they're all waiting in my queue to be posted once a month up until march. they were all written during the summer or earlier, i've just been putting off posting them. after that, i don't have more, and i'm not sure that there will be more.

i have a lot to say, and i'm not expecting anyone to read it, but if you want to know why i'm leaving then this is it.

(if you've been tagged in this and wonder why, but don't want to read further: don't worry! i didn't tag anyone intentionally, i took from my moots and my taglist to spread the word that i'm leaving this blog. you haven't done anything wrong, and i'm not expecting you specifically to read the rest of this!)

the only reason i stayed on here was because i loved seeing people interact with my writing, it made me happy to see that people enjoy my writing. nowadays, i basically get nothing. since i'm not doing this for anyone but myself, i'm not going to continue doing something that ends with me being disappointed and envious.

my writing feels lifeless to me because i'm not actually interested in what i'm doing anymore. i write, get it done, send it out, and hope that at least someone will tell me that they like it. it feels pathetic to write out, but i feel like some people may agree. the only times i ended up getting that kind of interaction was when i wrote smut.

i was never a smut writer, it wasn't something i was extremely comfortable with. i think there are a lot of people who do it very well, and that's good for them. i'm just not one of them. after being put in sexual situations in my personal life that i, in hindsight, did not feel comfortable with and deeply regret, i don't see myself being comfortable with writing smut again. (the posts with nsfw content that come out in the next few months were written before i came to this realization, for context.)

it's weird and embarrassing when you feel like you'd never fall for pressure of norms and then suddenly you do! i look back at this blog and it doesn't feel like me, and now i get it. it's not wrong or upsetting, just a change of perspectives.

i think it's great that people can write smut and share it on here, and i don't want anyone to think that i am against it. i have simply come to the point where it makes me uncomfortable, so i'm taking myself out of those kinds of situations (as anyone should do if they feel the same way, do not harass people who write smut simply because of its nsfw content that you're personally uncomfortable with). if i do return to writing in this way, in this forum and genre, again, i know that i won't be writing smut.

all of this to say, i'm not going to be on here anymore. i might read a few things here and there, because i do still really love reading fluff from the amazing fluff writers out there, but i won't post. maybe i'll create a new blog for reblogging fluff fics or something. i've lost interest and that's that. i'm hoping that i can write my own book some day, and if i do i've only managed to do so because i got to practice writing on here.

this was fun while it lasted, and i definitely don't regret making this blog. so, thank you to everyone who supported this blog, i've loved reading your comments. thank you to the people who have helped me in my writing, i hope that you know who you are.

tumblr is filled with blank blogs and people who won't comment on fics they actually like. if you ended up reading all of this, i encourage you to go comment on a writer's fic with some nice words. it's always appreciated, i promise.

that's all!

-

tagging a few people so that this post is actually seen:

@enhacolor, @shuabby1994, @junhui-recs, @dkakapizzaboy, @just-here-to-read-01, @loviehan,

@userjunhuii, @novalpha, @bubblymoon, @aaniag, @d0nghyuck,

@fantasy2wonderland, @k-fic-collection @seunghancore, @woozixo, @niktwazny303,

@lllucere, @uniq-tastic, @wonwoospartyhat, @svthub @stariightjoyy,

@hyneyedfiz, @cali-snow, @crazywittysassy, @yeosayang, @wonuvs,

@dokyeomkyeom, @kyeomiis, @gyuguys, @notevenheretbh1 @iamawkwardandshy,

@wonuskie @kvanity-main

[harryistheonlyoneforme]

ruin (6)*

warnings: fluff, smut, sex toy use, unprotected sex, oral

summary: in which harry takes yn on a nice picnic date and they go all the way

a/n: well guys, it’s been a longgggg time coming, but ruin is officially complete!!!🥳🥳🥳🥲🥲. i do have a couple ideas about some extras though, if you guys are interested in that. thank you so much for all of the love and support <3

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~one month later~

yn is just finishing up her makeup with the application of her favorite gloss, double checking for imperfections when her phone rings. she doesn’t even have to check to know that it’s harry alerting her of his arrival, ready for their date tonight. so she presses her screen to answer as she hurriedly grabs her purse.

“hello?” she picks up, trying to keep her voice level to sound as if she’s not literally running around her room right now. grabbing her desired scent for the day, she sprays the perfume in the ideal places and rests the phone between her shoulder and ear.

“hi, angel. ‘m outside whenever you’re ready, but there’s no need to rush,” he reassures her, a grin on his face at her failed attempt at feigning calm. he drums his fingers against the steering wheel with a chuckle as he hears her quiet but unmistakable sigh of relief.

“i’m on my way down now, actually, i won’t be long,” she replies, finally taking a moment to breathe. she hears him hum on the other end of the line before acknowledging her words, and they end the call quickly. yn takes her time, but not too much time, as she slips on her shoes and grabs a sweater to throw over her pretty summer dress, just in case the weather gets a bit chilly.

she takes one last glance at herself and checks her purse to double check she isn’t leaving anything before she’s heading out the door and to harry’s car, where he’s patiently waiting. when he sees her approaching his face lights up so bright it makes her heart melt, and he’s scrambling to get out of the car to greet her.

meeting her at the passenger side door, he wraps his arms around her waist and leans down to press a kiss to her lips but ultimately changes route to her cheek, remembering the story she once told him about kissing with her freshly glossed lips. her arms come up over his shoulders to wrap around his neck, and he’s caught by surprise when she presses her lips to his anyways.

harry can’t help but pull her closer and smile into the kiss, loving the way she simply doesn’t care about that sort of thing when it comes to him. they’re like that for just a few more moments, the both of them begrudgingly pulling away. they can’t resist one last sweet peck before harry’s stepping away and opening the car door for her, not even bothering to wipe the gloss away that’d transferred from her lips to his.

yn passes him a grateful smile and gets in the car, nodding to harry when she’s settled as a signal to close the door. he does so and jogs around to his side, hopping in and starting the car to begin the drive. turning out onto the main road, harry grabs his phone from the middle console and passes it to yn, briefly taking his eyes off the road seeing that she’s a bit confused.

“did you want to turn on some music while we drive? ‘s a bit of a ride there, don’t want y’to get bored of me,” he explains, hearing a small ‘ah’ of realization from his girl. she wastes no more time, unlocking his phone and opening his music app. a dimpled grin forms on harry’s face when he hears the unmistakable tune of ‘go your own way’ by fleetwood mac starting, the same song they listened to on the way to their first date at the diner.

she queues up a few more songs as the both of them hum along, and when she has what should be enough, she places the phone back where it’d been before harry picked it up. her hand naturally gravitates toward her lap to rest there, but the action is interrupted by harry’s warm hand, quickly intertwining their fingers before she can complete it.

a small smile forms on her face as she glances at him, watching him act as if he hasn’t done anything. she simply lifts his hand to her lips and presses a kiss to the back of it before letting their hands rest in her lap, humming along to the music as she looks out the car window.

the ride doesn’t seem as long as harry thought it would, and with all of the singing and conversation they have, before he knows it they’ve arrived at the park. he drives as slow as possible as they enter just so he can see yn’s reaction to the scenery, his heart melting as he watches the way her face lights up when she sees the pretty flowers that line the entrance of the park.

she swoons at all of the butterflies around, the ducks in a pond nearby, and all of it just confirms each and every thought he’s ever had of spending the rest of his life with her. harry continues driving until he can see the area he’d previously scouted out, parking the car near it. he hops out the car and runs around to her side, opening the door and squatting down next to her.

“i’m gonna go over and set up, angel, then i’ll be right back to get you, alright?” he questions, his eyes taking in every square inch of her face as if he’ll ever forget it. he takes her hand in his as she nods, bringing it to his lips briefly before standing up and heading to the trunk of the car.

he quickly grabs everything out that he needs; blankets, the food, a pillow for her to rest on if she’d like to, drinks, and the small bag that holds the toys he’s brought if she wants to use them. closing the trunk, he hauls everything over to the spot he’d chosen, maneuvering through the few trees until he sees the huge clearing of land, perfectly hidden for peak privacy. there’s a small pond just ahead with some ducks swimming around, and he knows yn would love to feed them when she sees them. harry quickly sets everything up how he wants it, making sure everything is perfect before he stands up to head back to his girl.

making his way through the trees once more, he has the brightest dimpled smile on his face the moment his car is in his line of sight. he can see yn sitting there and waiting patiently for his return, doing something on her phone. she looks up and gives him a bright smile when she sees him, harry opening the door so that she can hop out. he closes the door and she practically skips toward the trees she’d watched him go through, harry having to jog a bit to keep up.

when they make it through the maze of trees, he can’t help the way his smile gets brighter when he hears her gasp at the sight of the picnic. all of her favorite fruits, drinks, and her favorite sandwich from the diner they went to on their first date. all the little things that make her just melt for him, turning her into a puddle of gratitude and thankfulness right before his eyes.

he chuckles when he hears her squeal of excitement as she notices the ducks, pointing to them so that he can see them as well. they get onto the blanket after she gushes over them for a while, harry sitting down first so that yn can sit right across from him, and that she does, digging in as soon as she’s comfortable.

the two snack on fruits and split the sandwich as they talk for a long time, sharing stories from their pasts and their plans for the future. they don’t even realize that they subconsciously get closer and closer with time, until her legs are draped over his lap, harry’s hand running up and down her calf. well, he doesn’t, at least. he doesn’t pick up on the way that some of her sentences die off with each passing of his hand, or the way her breathing picks up whenever his hand goes higher.

not until his hand grazes her knee, finally, and she finally snaps, a quiet moan falling from her lips. harry stops right in the middle of his sentence, looking at her with raised eyebrows. “what was that, angel?” he questions, wanting to make sure she’s alright. “did i hurt you?” he pulls his hand away.

she’s quick to shake her head and reach for him again, and he thinks she’s going to place it back onto her knee but she actually moves further underneath her dress, right to where she needs him. his fingers meet the warmth of her center and he can’t hold back the moan that bubbles in his throat, exploring the area. it’s then that everything hits him, and realization dawns on him. a chuckle and a hum falls from his lips, his hand moving from underneath her dress.

“alright, baby. i see. won’t make you want any longer,” he croons, leaning toward her and pressing a kiss to the side of her mouth. she whimpers and leans into his touch before turning her head in search of his lips. he pulls away at the last second, causing her to let out a huff of frustration. “take y’panties off for me, angel. ‘s gonna be plenty of time for you t’kiss me, don’t worry,” he finishes, a smirk playing on his lips.

she hurriedly removes her legs from his lap, standing up and sliding her panties down her legs. she doesn’t bother stepping out of them when they reach the blanket beneath her feet, reaching for the bottom of her dress. harry reaches up and stops her. “keep that on for me, ‘s okay,” he murmurs. she drops the bottom of her dress just as he reaches down to grab the panties from underneath her, causing her to let out a giggle at how the dress sweeps over his face.

harry chuckles just a bit at her before tapping gently at her ankle, and she fully steps out of them for him before dropping down to her knees to sit right in front of hum. grasping them in his hand, he lets out a hum as his eyes flit up to meet hers. he runs his thumb over the center of them, the wetness of the material leaving his thumb a bit wet. holding them up to her, he watches her eyes widen a bit at the sight of the ruined material before she drags them away and off to the side somewhere to look anywhere but him.

he uses his free hand to reach up and gently grip her jaw, turning her head to face him. “no, need you to look at me bunny, it isn’t polite to be somewhere else when i’m in front of you,” he scolds, knowing he isn’t actually upset with her but she needs that in order to obey him. she hesitantly drags her eyes back to his, forcing her embarrassment down. “come down here,” he demands.

she instantly obliges and drops down to her knees before him, trying her hardest not to look away when he holds the ruined panties up to her. “need you to clean them for me, don’t want them to be ruined forever, bunny. ‘s expensive,” he explains vaguely, and she furrows her brows before turning to grab a napkin to clean them. a grunt of disapproval stops her, though, and she turns back to face him. “don’t need that. with your mouth, baby,” he corrects.

her eyes widen slightly at what he’s suggesting, but she’ll do almost anything for him, and although it’s a bit humiliating, it turns her on like no other. squeezing her thighs together, she bites down a moan and grabs the panties from him, flattening the material on her palm so that the crotch section is in her line of sight. she tries to avoid his eyes but she should’ve known better, harry’s hand coming up to grip her chin so their eyes can meet.

the impatient yet oddly calming look in his eyes is the last push she needs, her tongue peeking out of her mouth quickly to get to work on the wet fabric. she moans at the taste of herself, harry’s eyes still boring into hers as she cleans her mess. it’s not long before she cleans as much as she can, holding them up for harry to see.

“good girl,” he hums, taking the panties from her before reaching behind him to grab the bag that holds the toys. retrieving the bag, he turns back to her. the moment her eyes land on the bag, they light up as she has a good feeling about what the contents are. “lie down on your stomach for me, brought a surprise for you,” he grins, and she hurriedly scrambles to do so.

he unzips the bag and grabs the dildo he’d packed, along with some lube although he’s sure he won’t need it with how drenched she is. yn wants nothing more than to watch what he’s doing, but the suspense just makes her all the more excited. zipping the bag back up, he tosses it beside him before opening up the lube and pouring it onto the dildo. when it’s heavily coated, he places the lube down and uses his now free hand to push her dress up over her hips, tapping at her thigh to get her to spread them a bit more.

she takes the hint and does what he signaled, gasping when she almost immediately feels the toy against her heated lower lips. his actions are slow, teasing, even, as he adds more pressure so that the toy spreads her open, but he doesn’t immediately press in into her awaiting hole. with a roll of her eyes and a cry of frustration, she attempts to press her ass toward the toy, earning her a gentle but firm slap on her right ass cheek, a warning.

he isn’t surprised when she doesn’t fight back, and he rewards her lack of retaliation by finally pressing the toy into her, inching it in slowly as she gasps at the intrusion. when it bottoms out he leaves it there for her to adjust for a while, and after a few minutes she starts to get impatient. she tries her hardest not to show it, but he can tell she’s holding back, so he begins to move it inside of her, pulling it out just to push it back in. he keeps his actions steady and precise as her moans pick up, and it’s not long before she’s announcing her quickly approaching orgasm, no more words said as it immediately wracks her body.

she cums around the toy with a loud cry of relief, her body slumping against the blanket beneath her as she rides out the high. harry continues slowly moving the toy inside of her to prolong the orgasm, only stopping when she jolts a bit in overstimulation. he then pulls it out of her as slowly as possible, biting down a moan when he sees the glisten on the toy and her slightly gaping hole clenching around nothing in search of being filled again.

her breaths are still a bit shallow so he helps her out if her dress before urging her onto her back and keeping his hands on her body to ground her. she comes back to him within minutes, a sigh of contentment leaving her lips, swollen from biting them. harry honestly expects her to tap out then and there, tuckered out and ready to go home, but when she sits up to press her lips to his in the most desperate way, he can tell she wants more. and that he’ll give her.

without breaking their lips, harry pushes her onto her back once more, his hands exploring her body. when he reaches her chest, he can’t resist taking her nipples between his fingers and pinching them, just enough to make her moan into his mouth. he pulls away from the kiss first, shushing her groan of annoyance before reaching down between them and freeing his cock from its confines. her eyes widen as she realizes what’s about to happen; it’s what he’s been preparing her for, and she wants nothing more than to take it there.

he pushes his pants down to the thickness of his thighs and runs his thumb over his leaking tip, shuddering at that first touch of pleasure. a broken whimper falls from her lips as she watches him get himself ready for her, inpatient as ever. she doesn’t complain anymore, though, as he crawls to her until their bodies are touching, grabbing one of her legs and lifting it to get a better view.

using his free hand, he strokes his cock a few more times before lining up with her dripping and awaiting hole.

“‘m gonna go slow, angel. take real good care of you,” he promises, eyes exploring every inch of her face to make sure there’s no uncertainty or anxiety. she acknowledges his words with a confident nod, her hips bucking up to try and gain some sort of friction for her throbbing center.

taking his hand from her leg, he thinks it’d be better to have a distraction just in case there is a bit of a sting from the stretch, as he’s slightly thicker than her toy. longer, too. so he reaches between them and rubs gentle circles onto the head of her clit, pulling a contented hum from her. he keeps that up as he finally presses the head of his cock inside, happy that he doesn’t feel too much resistance from her tight hole.

his gaze flits up to her face and when he sees her with her eyes closed and a blissed out look on her face, he takes it as a green light. still moving slow, he presses himself into her until his hips meet her body, groans coming from the both of them when he passes over the thickest part. harry stays like that until he’s sure she won’t hurt when he moves, his thumb still drawing circles on her clit. his thrusts are slow and gentle when he starts moving, using his legs as leverage more than anything to get as deep inside her as possible.

“how’s it feel, bunny?” he questions, voice gentle and soothing. “‘s it feeling nice? not painful for you?” his voice comes out shaky, his teeth ground together as some form of keeping himself restrained. he’s forcing down each and every thought of absolutely wrecking his sweet girl, knowing she can’t handle that right now.

“‘s good, ‘s good, so deep inside me,” he whines beneath him, untucking her lip from between her teeth to get her words out. “my tummy’s so full, feels nice,” she finishes with a moan and a jolt when he angles his hips just a bit so that the head of his cock hits her g-spot head on.

“there we go, angel. that’s the spot i was looking for, know it gets you all dumb for me when i touch that, hm?” he coos condescendingly, adding just enough force to his thrusts that he has to hold her down by her hips with each one. she can’t even speak anymore, the constant assault on that spot inside of her rendering her speechless and her body numb. not a single coherent thought can be formed as the peak precision of his thrusts push her closer and closer to what she’s been craving.

removing his hands from her hips, harry decides to speed up the process just a bit by grabbing the backs of her thighs and pushing them up as far as they can go, holding them there with one hand and bringing the other to where their bodies meet, his thumb finding its way through her folds until he gets to her clit, pressing it right onto the head and rubbing firm circles in time with his thrusts. the added sensation and angle change draws a long, drawn out moan from her, her hands flying out on either side of her to push her up onto her palms a bit. the pleasure she’s feeling is so intense that she tries to both run away from it and lean into it, squirming away just for her hips to grind down to meet his thrusts.

“no, gotta take it, baby. almost there, know you’re so close for me,” he rasps, quickly removing the hand from her thighs and leaning forward to press some of his weight on top of her for better control. the feeling of harry’s warmth enveloping her sends her flying over the edge unexpectedly, the ball of pleasure that’s deep in her tummy practically exploding.

her back arches up off the blanket and into his chest as far as she can with him on top of her and her legs, eyes rolling back into her head. the orgasm takes over her body before she can even comprehend it, her hole fluttering around him for a moment before locking down onto his cock so hard that he has to squeeze his eyes shut, his balls drawing up so unexpectedly and intensely that it practically knocks the breath from his lungs.

“oh, fuck bunny- shit, ‘s squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight, can’t hold it,” he gasps, accent as thick as ever as he grips onto the blanket beneath his palms. his hips stutter in rhythm for just a second, the final warning sign of his orgasm. he barely has time to push himself up and pull out of her, cum shooting from his tip just as he frees himself. one hand flies to the backs of her thighs as the other begins to stroke his cock quickly, milking himself for all he has. his cum is already painting the back of one of her thighs, dripping down to her ass with each passing second.

yn can barely see him from the small space between her legs, but just hearing him so wrecked from being inside of her makes her throb in excitement once again, a needy whimper falling from her lips when she hears him choke on a sob and feels something warm land right onto her pussy. she’s in the position for no more than a minute longer as his moans die down and his furious strokes become slower, and when her thighs are freed from the confines of his hand, she can’t help but keep them there and reach up to the one that’s covered in his orgasm and swipe a finger through.

dropping her legs finally, she looks harry right in the eyes as she brings that same hand up to her mouth and takes the finger inside, her tongue moving around it to get the full taste of him. harry can do nothing but let his eyes flutter closed as a choked moan falls from his lips. he wants nothing more than to simply wreck her until she’s crying and drooling but he can’t do that now, she’s not ready. he doesn’t even think he’ll be able to get it back up now, not with how she absolutely drained him.

so he does the next best thing; without even bothering to clean up the mess that covers the both of them, he adjusts himself until he’s flat on his stomach, grabbing the outsides of her thighs when he’s eye level with her pussy. “‘m gonna take care of you, bunny. don’t worry. gonna clean you up too,” he whispers, eyes meeting hers when he hears a desperate cry come from her. she’s already so sensitive that he knows it won’t take long to make her cum, but that doesn’t mean he should half ass it.

pressing gentle kisses to the soft skin of her thighs, he ignores her huffs of frustration when he doesn’t immediately start licking into her. the kisses travel closer and closer to where she’s messy and throbbing for him, but they are way too slow for her taste. one last groan comes from her before she’s had enough, propping herself up on an elbow and reaching forward with her free hand, grabbing the back of his head and pushing his face onto her.

a noise of shock leaves him at how bold she’s become, but he has to respect it, chuckling against her before nipping at one of her swollen lower lips. she gasps quietly at the sting but it melts into a moan as he, in one fell swoop, licks into her folds before sucking her swollen and sensitive clit into his mouth. her grip tightens on him and she grinds her hips against him to chase the pleasure, tossing her head back as her back arches up from the blanket.

the tug on his hair forces a groan of delight from him and he only buries his face further into her, beginning to alternate between licking and sucking at her. the vibrations rumble into her body, the knot in her belly tightening out of nowhere. she’s become incoherent above him the closer she gets to her orgasm, wordless babbles leaving her lips as she tries to warn him of it.

his actions simply increase tenfold, licks and sucks a bit more precise as he pulls the orgasm from her. just a few moments later he feels her thighs start to fight to tighten around his head and a long, loud moan falls from her lips as her final orgasm wracks her body. she goes so stiff that her thigh muscles begin to cramp slightly, her legs shaking from the force.

harry begins to lick at her a bit gentler than he had before so he can avoid overstimulating her too much, his hands caressing her thighs while she tries to recover. for her, it feels like forever until her body fully relaxes, small aftershocks jolting her body with each relaxation. she’s gasping for air when her body is finally freed, her chest heaving from the intensity of everything.

he notices some tears that have leaked down the sides of her face, and he takes a wipe from the container he’d brought and cleans her face thoroughly before grabbing some more to clean up her lower half. when he gets to her vagina she gasps and pulls away in overstimulation, causing him to frown just a bit. “i know, bunny. just have t’get you cleaned up ‘s all. won’t be long,” he coos, using one hand to spread her open gently and the other to gingerly wipe the area.

once she’s all clean he moves to the backs of her thighs, wiping his sticky, drying cum from them. it takes a bit more effort to do so, but he isn’t complaining, taking his time and keeping an eye on her breathing. when she’s fully clean, he helps her sit up and puts her dress back onto her, murmuring words of encouragement each step of the way. “can you stand up, angel? think you can walk to the car with me or do y’need some help?” he questions, voice soft as to not disturb the calm and quiet state of her.

“i can walk, i think,” she responds, and harry hops up before reaching back down to help her up. she’s a bit shaky for a moment but she becomes stable after a few seconds of being on her feet. he guides her to the car slowly, and he’s surprised for a moment that she isn’t wincing or limping a bit, but he quickly realizes it’s probably due to the adrenaline rush she’s feeling.

they make it to the car and he helps her in before pressing a kiss to her head and then running back to clean up their area. walking back to the car, he smiles fondly at her as he realizes she’s already fallen asleep, light snores leaving her parted lips. he packs everything into the trunk and hops into the driver’s seat.

the drive back is nothing short of calm and peaceful, some song she’d added to the queue on the drive there playing softly in the vehicle. he makes it to his house before he knows it, and when he pulls into his garage he turns the car off before running into the house and up the stairs to quickly start a bath for her. he does the works; bubbles, soothing oils, and he lights a candle that is on his counter before running back down to the car to unload it. he does so as quietly as possible because he wants waking her up to be the last thing so that she can just wake up and get in the bath.

he takes a bit to put away everything from the car and when he goes to check the bath, it’s ready for her. turning the water off, he heads back down to the garage to wake her up. knocking on the passenger side window, he gives her some time to lift her head before opening the door, chuckling at her when he sees the confusion on her face as well as a mark on her from the door. “we’re at my house, angel. i ran you a bath and i want to clean you up a bit and then i promise i’ll let you sleep,” he whispers, and she nods a bit grumpily from being woken up but a bath sounds heavenly so she obliges.

stepping out of the car, she does start to feel that slight sting between her legs from the stretch and the burn in her thighs from the angle he had her in, but she brushes it off as she knows the bath will work wonders. they step into the bathroom and it’s just like all of the emotions of the day, the month even, hit her at once. her eyes well with tears and her shoulders slump when they take over her, and she turns her body to bury her face into his chest.

“thank you, thank you,” she sobs against him, and his heart both breaks and warms for her, his arms coming to wrap around her. they stay there for a while as she gets all of her emotions out, harry whispering encouragement words and pressing kisses to the top of her head. her breath is still a bit stutter-y as she pulls away from him, quickly turning to the toilet paper to clean herself up, but he beats her to it, grabbing some off the roll and cleaning her up. she’s so grateful that she gets a bit teary again, but then harry starts to press kisses all over her face, making her giggle.

“alright, bunny. let’s get you in the bath,” he instructs, tossing the toilet paper out. he pulls the dress over her head once more and she steps out of her shoes. being naked in front of him, she expects to feel a bit self conscious despite how many times he’s seen her, but this time she feels nothing but warm and fuzzy. full, even, as he smiles at her with a look of pure adoration in his eyes.

she walks over to the tub and steps in, humming at the temperature of the water, it’s actually perfect for her. the water covers her up to around her armpits and she relishes in the warmth before looking up at her boyfriend expectantly. he laughs at the look on her face before explaining himself. “i’m gonna get in with you, don’t worry, ms grumpy, just need to grab some towels and clothes for when we get out,” he chuckles, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips as if to seal his promise.

a belly laugh leaves him when he’s walking out and he hears her mumble something about not taking too long or she won’t let him in. he knows she won’t make good on her words but he still hurries back to her, wanting to be near her. he makes it back to her and quickly sheds his clothes, walking over to the tub and having her scoot up so he can slide behind her. the warmth envelops him and he envelops her, wrapping his arms around the front of her to pull her closer.

they stay like that for a while, so long that their fingers have gone pruny by the time they pull apart. harry is the one that breaks the contact, and he only does so because he notices that she starts to doze off, and he wants to clean her up before she falls asleep again. she grumbles a bit at the slight loss of warmth but when she feels harry start to clean her up, she understands.

he takes his time and cleans her up thoroughly before letting her sit there for a few while he cleans himself up. when he’s all clean he steps out of the tub first, drying off a bit before wrapping the towel around his waist and then he’s helping her out and doing the same for her, wrapping the towel around her upper body. harry guides them to the bedroom and drops the towel from his waist to slip on some boxers before making sure yn is fully dry and grabbing the t shirt he’d picked out earlier and helping her slide it over her head. he decided not to give her a pair of his boxers to sleep in so that he could let her lower half breathe through the night.

pulling back the blankets on the bed, he lets her get in and comfortable, passing her the remote to his tv so she can pick something to fall asleep to. while she does that, he goes downstairs and grabs her a bottled water from his fridge, downing one for himself before going back up. he opens the bottle and passes it to her, to which she thanks him and drinks all of it in record time. she finishes the drink and he takes it from her to place on the nightstand to toss tomorrow, hitting the light and climbing into the bed beside her.

a fond smile forms on his face when he sees that the show she chose for the night is rick and morty, something he remembers her telling him a couple weeks ago. the volume isn’t too loud as to keep them awake, the sound just loud enough to make out the words of the characters.

the two sit and watch the show until their eyes become unbearably heavy, and when harry feels yn slide down even further under the blankets before cuddling into him, he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes open even if he wanted to. so he wraps his arms around her and pulls her even closer, despite knowing that they’ll get hot sometime soon, and he presses one last kiss to the top of her head before the exhaustion finally catches up to them and they’re asleep in seconds, light snores leaving their lips.

~

well…🥲

[cosmerelists]

If Cosmere Characters Were on Tumblr...

Sure, we blog about Cosmere characters. But what if they were here, blogging for themselves? Here is what I think it might be like...

1. Dalinar: Never changes the default icon

He gets blocked a lot.

Dalinar: How odd. No matter how many blogs I follow, my “dashboard” remains empty.

Renarin: I think they all blocked you because they think you’re a bot.

Dalinar: A bot? But I took your advice and chose a unique blog name: Big_D9762.

Renarin: ...

Dalinar: What?

2. Jasnah: Acts like Neil Gaiman

She comes on tumblr as a break from doing research and ruling, answers a few questions, and leaves again.

Anonymous asked: I love your work breaking down gender barriers in Alethkar by being queen and stuff! Do you plan to further erode unnecessary gender distinctions, like by letting women eat spicy food and show both hands?

Jasnah-Kholin: Wait and See.

3. Vin: Reblogs a thousand things in a mad fury and then disappears for days

She does not use the queue function.

Vin: Yeah...I don’t fuck with the the queue function. If you see me, you see me.

Elend: Hey Vin, did you reblog the crab rave like 15 times in a row?

Vin: I was feeling it.

4. Elend: Has a carefully curated queue

His “queue” tag is “Vin is a queue-T.”

Elend: The only exception I make are donation posts and political ones, since those need to be reblogged immediately.

Elend: But otherwise, the queue function is great for lovely, regular content!

5. Adolin: Runs a fashion blog

He has ALL of the Rosharan runways.

Adolin: It’s easy to let Alethi fashion dominate, but a REAL fashion blogger makes sure to have a wide variety of nations and fashions.

6. Shallan: Posts her art

And she tries not to be frustrated when her quick Kaladin sketch gets tons more notes than her very detailed sketch of the chasmfiend.

Shallan: It’s like, I get it--Kaladin fan art is ALWAYS popular.

Shallan: But that chasmfiend was very detailed!

Adolin: Maybe you should draw Kaladin riding it.

Adolin: Shirtless.

Shallan: ...

Shallan: I’ll take my three notes, thank you very much.

7. Tien: Always reblogs no-note art posts

And he always leaves a nice comment too!

Tien: The colors in this are so lovely!!

8. Navani: Considers herself a tumblr patron

She’s one of those bloggers who, if she reblogs your post, you know you’re about to make it big.

Navani: I don’t really make original posts, of course. I’m not a real blogger.

Navani: I just find other people’s clever posts and help promote them!

Navani (typing): "This...has...10,000...notes...to...me...”

Navani: You know they’re happy when they just respond “PLEASE NO”

9. Kelsier: Stirs up his followers with so. much. discourse.

Especially about Hoid.

Kelsier: Friendly reminder that Hoid (1) will let a planet burn to get what he wants; (2) beat up an innocent ghost (me) once; (3) is dating someone WAY younger than he is; (4) insults women.

Hoid: I insulted men too. I was the King’s Wit.

Kelsier: I’m adding you to my DNI.

10. Szeth: Very popular for his “shit posts”

Szeth, of course, is 100% sincere the entire time.

Szeth: It is odd.

Szeth: The vent post I made that simply said “my talking sword is a bad conversationalist” has like a million notes.

Szeth: ...

Szeth: Tumblr is a strange place.  

[deerspherestudios]

📖FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS📖

Regarding asks, I typically avoid:

stacked questions (asks that have more than one question, so honestly, sending them one by one is better than writing a bunch in one go)

hyperspecific scenarios (while I enjoy answering these, some can get incredibly specific to the point where it doesn't even feel fun anymore)

questions that have already been answered (obviously)

To manage the blog, I usually queue up asks instead of posting them instantly, so it might take several weeks for me to respond. Please be patient! And while I appreciate the time and thought taken to writing me a message and the growing interest in the game, understand I'm still one person and will sometimes leave a message unanswered. Thank you. ❤️

Below is a compilation of questions I get a lot about Mushroom Oasis and Mychael, so if you have a question feel free to check if it's already been answered! The list will update as needed:

🎮 F.A.Q ABOUT THE GAME 🎮

1. What is Mushroom Oasis❔ What is the rating❔

Mushroom Oasis is a visual novel made in Ren'Py that was initially released for the 2023 Yandere Game Jam. It's currently still in development as a solo project. I post updates almost exclusively on this tumblr so if you're interested in the game, you're in the right place. The rating is 16+. How did I come up with the concept?

2. How many days will the game have❔ When will it release❔

I initially planned it to have 4-5 days! But with some new ideas and routes I'm considering, it might extend to 5+ days. As for a release date, it's done when it's done. So please allow me the time to develop it at my pace <3

3. Will the game be translated to other languages❔

I'll be honest, I had no plans to. However, a few people have reached out volunteering to. I'll say for now I'm open to the idea, but I prefer people asking permission first. First and foremost, ask first.

4. Will the game be available for mobile❔ Will the game be free❔

For now, a hard no. I have zero clue how to make it available for mobile. Maybe I'll consider it once the game is fully released, but it's only for PC and Mac for now, as those are the default builds in Ren'Py.

And yes, the game will be completely free.

5. Is NSFW content allowed❔

Considering the main love interest is an adult, that's fine. However I'd appreciate proper filtering of NSFW content considering the game's age rating means there's more than a few minors in the fandom. NSFW questions aren't allowed on the blog.

Keep it where it's meant to be with proper tagging separate from the '#mushroom oasis vn' tag. Using '#mushroom oasis nsfw' should be enough? I hope.

NOTE: Now, I understand some people are really passionate about Mychael being asexual, but I can't bring myself to police people for mischaracterizing his asexuality, nor would I want to gatekeep him either.

He's a fictional character first and foremost, and while representation is important!!!/gen /srs I don't want to bring attention to any such content in case it brings unwanted harrassment on that creator for posting such content.

Please don't do that. Let people make what they wanna make. It's unfortunate, but fandom will be fandom.

6. Will there be other love interests? Will it have multiple endings❔

Due to project scope, the only romance-able character for MO is Mychael himself. The game will have multiple endings however, ranging from romantic ending, platonic ending to creepy/bad endings (because, y'know, yandere).

7. Will there be official merch?

Since I'm just done with college and newly married, the extra income would be nice! I have to plan for it and work out some logistics, but I will be working on something on the down low.

🍄 F.A.Q ABOUT MYCHAEL🍄

1. What are his pronouns and sexuality and age❔

He identifies as male, uses he/him pronouns and is a panromantic asexual. He's older than you think. ::-)

2. Is Mychael's name based off 'mycelium'❔

Yep!

3. What is his height❔

He's 6'2. He used to be 5'8.

4. When is his birthday❔

Initially it was 15th February! Simply because I happened to start designing him that day, hence his 'creation'.

I might pick another date though; for now, his birthday is undecided.

5. Favorite food and drink❔

He loves fried mushrooms and tomato juice! He hates spicy food though, as the smell and taste makes him physically ill.

6. Do you have a voice claim for him❔

Jonathan Groff, specifically his role as Kristoff in Frozen. The fandom has kinda associated it with him now, so it's here to stay haha.

7. What is Mychael's love language❔

I explain it in-depth here!

TL;DR: He likes giving gifts, and likes receiving words of affirmation.

8. How is Mychael's affection towards MC (blog-centric only)❔

So for context, as I manage the blog sometimes Mychael makes an appearance in answered asks. His answers can change depending on when you ask at the current state of the demo:

Day 1:

Day 2:

Day 3:

EXTRAS:

Mychael's Character Ref

Firefly (MC)'s Character Ref

Mychael's Playlist

Mushroom Oasis' Playlist

Bad Ending 1 Explained

[whorrorbvby]

a lil update 🧡

i got quite a few asks wondering where i’ve been since i haven’t been posting as much. thank you for all your concerns but i’m really okay ✨ if im being perfectly honest my heart just hasn’t been in it lately. and i mean that as an in general sort of thing. there’s too much going on that i just honestly haven’t really been handling well and for my own sanity i had to step away and i just really haven’t had much desire to come on here much because it was just depressing and making me hate myself more than i already do 😅 these past few weeks have just been really hard for me.

when i do come on here i just go straight to my notes to see if anyone has reblogged my personal posts and then reblog them myself as a thank you of sorts. all the reblogs were just posts i saw on main and queued. it now my queue has completely run dry so im probably just not going to be on here a whole lot and at most i’ll just answer asks and if i see any reblogs of my personal posts i’ll reshare out of thanks so im sorry if the feed is lacking or repetitive i really just don’t have the energy right now.

i was in a really bad place mentally. i mean i still am but im working on it. or at least im trying to. i know things will get better for me it will just take time. so please bare with me 🙏🏻

i have all my old photos and stuff from when my old blogs got deleted and can always upload them a 3rd time for you guys but new content might not come for a minute so im sorry.

but im still down to talk movies and games and stuff as always my replies are definitely just going to be super lacklustre and i’m sorry for that but thank you for always sticking with me and sending me positive words of encouragement and just being genuinely amazing human beings. you guys have helped me far more than you know and i am forever grateful i just really need to focus on my own sanity right now and this is just not a safe space for me to do so. i’ll leave all my maim socials in case anyone wants to come find me anywhere else. mostly am posting on snap and ig stories these days if you’re interested in the silly shenanigans i get up to in my everyday that’s where you can find me ✨

main: babymorte

sc: baby.morte

ig: babymorte_

but I adore you guys and I really hope your weekend was wonderful~🧡

[latinare]

This is a really vague question maybe you have some insight on.

I'm monolingual; I very casually study Spanish, ie duolingo, very slowly reading Harry Potter in translation, bantering with my mexican coworkers, etc, but I'm barely past where I was ten years ago in college. My grandparents native language was Sicilian, and so that's really been the dream to someday learn Italian. But for where I live, Spanish is a very practical language, and Italian really isn't. I'm scared to stop the small amount of Spanish study that I currently do and lose it, but at the same time it's not my ultimate goal. There are really only so many hours in the day.

How much Spanish do I need to learn before I can put it to bed and start clawing my way through Italian? Can you think of any benchmark I could use? I realize it's not an either/or situation, but I was hoping you might have some advice as someone whose language journey seems to be much more advanced that my own.

Thanks for your time and any thoughts you might have!

This is a good question and I think one all language-learners struggle with. I don't know that there's one good answer, but I have a few thoughts that may or may not be helpful.

When you study something, even if you have to set it aside at some point, you don't lose it completely. The next time you pick it up, it's easier and quicker to get back to where you were. It's okay to study cyclically.

You can study things in the cracks of your day. I have Latin vocab pinned above the sink to learn when I'm washing dishes, and I translate posts for this blog while I'm nursing my baby. I read Geoffrey of Monmouth when I have ten free minutes and feel like it. It doesn't look like enough time to study a language, but it adds up.

Studying a second language in the same family can be fascinating because they share cognates (cousin words) and grammar elements. Digging into this can deepen your understanding of both. (Sicilian and Spanish are both from the Romance branch of the Indo-European language family.)

Finding a way to work a little Spanish into your week may help you retain what you've already learned. (Maybe leave Harry Potter in your backpack to read when you're in a queue or waiting room?)

One of my personal language-learning benchmarks is being able to understand spoken humour, so I'd contest that bantering with coworkers in Spanish makes you more than monolingual. :)

Ugh, I feel like I'm not saying much that's concrete. I really hope you get to study Sicilian though! Best of luck with both, and any future linguistic endeavours too!

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[infernalpursuit]

!!! AWAY FOR A LIL BIT + WORK !!

[ little communications regarding my future availability!! ]

I'll be away from TOMORROW, the 26th of October, to MONDAY, the 28th! i'm unlikely going to be online if not to save potential drafts in the evening, but i'll still try to put a few things in the queue in a handful of blogs

I HAVE A JOB NOW!!! and i start the 29th!!!!!!! it's going to be a new thing for me, and the shift changes every week -- still, it's going to be 8 hours 5 days a week, plus an extra hour of break and one total to go back and forth from there. needless to say i'm going to be less active anywhere, especially in the first few weeks

for both reasons, expect me to use the queue even more. depending on my activity and the number of drafts i have, the number of threads that will be posted will be one/two every day.

i haven't dropped any thread as for now, so if you're wondering where your reply is. its likely waiting in line

i want to empty the askboxes of my current more-or-less active blogs before leaving, still ( meaning @miratenebrarum, @ultimateutopia, @mnstcrbnll, @hisuianicarus, @gnzma and @perishscng ), so. wish me good luck fnasdg

furthermore, i want to ask anyone new to fill up my interest checkers!

[what-undertale-soul-polls]

WHAT UNDERTALE HUMAN SOUL WOULD THEY HAVE?

last edit: 11/13/2024

(run by @sayakamikian!) the premise of this blog is pretty simple, just vote on what undertale human SOUL trait a character would have! it doesn't matter if they're not human/probably wouldn't have a human SOUL if they existed in the undertale universe, it's just hypothetical. (yes, that means you can even submit monsters and darkners from the utdr universe! the only limitation is humans who already have canon SOULs which is... not a lot of characters out there, lol)

i am not consistently motivated and am pretty busy in general, so my posting schedule is a little sporadic. sorry about that! this blog is NOT dead until i say it is, and that will not be for a long time, i promise that B)

submissions can just go in the ask box because all that's required is a character name + the media they are from.

attach an image link to official art if you'd like or leave it up to me, but specify in the case of a character having no official art, please!

you can submit as many characters as you want as many times in a row as you want!

don't submit with "propaganda" because none of the polls will be posted with any preexisting answers or arguments attached, but by all means argue your case in the notes B)

i'll come up with a more solid queue policy once things actually start to pick up queue is 2 queued posts per day for now! i may post a few early or just go ahead and make my own + post them at random though ^_^

what characters/media are accepted and what polls end up being posted are ultimately up to my discretion.

anon is off because i always leave it off for personal peace of mind reasons, but i won't publish regular submission asks or reveal who sent submissions unless i'm asked to @ you in the submission, which you are free to do!

i occasionally publish polls that are (generally) utdr-related but not my usual “what SOUL are they” polls, which are tagged as #offbrand poll

for reference, the SOUL traits are as follows:

red = [unknown trait]. a common misconception is that the red soul is canonically determination, but there's nothing in canon that actually says this, determination is explicitly possessed by all SOULs and not exclusive to red, and determination is never directly linked to red and is more associated with gold in-game than anything! so, even if red = determination is probably the most widespread popular interpretation, don't assume that's what it has to be. other interpretations that are popular/that i personally like are that red = love, red = hope, red = freedom, red = no trait in particular or an equal balance of traits, etc... and, of course, there's red = ball game lmao. since it's ultimately unknown, though, if you're stuck you can probably think of red as the equivalent of baldness or vanilla extract?? go wild! orange = bravery yellow = justice green = kindness cyan = patience blue = integrity purple = perseverance

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for mass unliking every piece of fanart in my likes, some of which were as low as 6 notes?

okay, so basically i am a new user who usually uses my queue almost exclusively instead of reblogging right away, and i used to like fanart and queue them for later which led to my queue getting as long as a month wait so there'd be a delay between liking and posting the art on my blog.

i thought that worked fine as my queue would run during optimal times rather than reblogging a bunch of posts when i was on tumblr and then not posting at all for days. but then since reddit migrants started showing up people made lots of posts explaining that you have to reblog and likes are useless which at first that didn't really affect me as i am queuing it and i think it's fine as long as their art gets exposure right?

but then one of the artists i follow started ranting about how since they only get likes they are going to start blocking people who only like and don't reblog. that very much stressed me out as my queue at this point is a month long so from their point of view i probably look like i am only liking.

thanks to that i panicked and unliked all the fanart in my likes leaving a lot of fanart which already had very few notes with even fewer notes. now i feel a bit guilty about it since, again, some of the art i liked has as low as 6 notes and if an artist sees they actually lost notes i worry it will dishearten them and make them not want to make more.

thanks to that i'm no longer using likes for fanart at all, but i feel bad for unliking. i know this will probably seem very insignificant to others but it's been stressing me out for over a week, so aita?

What are these acronyms?

[s9fti3]

I HAVE THE FUNNIEST REQUEST FOR YOU (because this actually happened to me and I need to tell someone send help please)

I started talking to this guy on a dating app a few days ago. He's a little younger than me and normally I don't really date people that are younger than me; for context, it's because I had to mature really early on (it's a whole thing, I won't get into it). Anyway, I gave him my phone number when he asked and so we've been texting ever since; he sends me cute little 'good morning' texts, tells me that he hopes I have a good day, etc. (entirely different from my last relationship of several years - for comparison, it's like I was dating Jane or Caius and suddenly jumped to Seth???).

SO ON SUNDAY, I had been up all night trying to get roleplay stuff together and I stupidly went down to the mini Mart by my house early in the morning (still sleep deprived) to get some coffee, and before I left, I took a cute little selfie in the car and sent it to him. Well I was all excited from how cute the selfie was, and when I climbed out of the car, I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CARRRRR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS TWELVE.

ヽ(｡◕o◕｡)ﾉ

I haven't told him about it yet ...

I also found out that he roleplays like I do, and so I gave him my Sideblog. And when he followed me, I followed him back.

And I completely forgot that you can only follow from your main blog.

SO NOW THIS MAN CAN SEE ALL THE WEIRD THINGS I LIKE AND DO AND SEND HELP PLEASE

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS FOLLOWING MY MAIN BLOG UNTIL I CHECKED MY FOLLOWERS BECAUSE TUMBLR DIDN'T NOTIFY ME????

ANYWAY, this is all a really long winded way of asking you if you could please ease my embarrassment and write something between Seth and the reader involving these situations and Seth finding out from the reader about it (because my embarrassment is great for writing and I think Seth would be so amused to find out he flustered someone that much)

Thank you for the request, Lovebug!! I hope you like this :) (I have no idea what I’m doing!)

‘Call me maybe?’- Seth Clearwater Headcannon!!

• You had just so happen to meet Seth through Jacobs 17th birthday party. The conversation was very tame, introducing yourself to one another, talking about up coming events and how you liked the small, yet fun party.

• Seth was going to leave early as he had his ‘studies’ to get to. You took your shot and walked over to him, saying your goodbyes and offering to stay in touch. You had given him your personal number- not your home number, which you usually did.

• Sooner or later you guys started talking… a lot. You guys had also just so happened to share your facebooks with one another over call, friending each other. A very new app, Tumblr, was also something you guys had used to communicate. Well, at least on a fake account that is…

• On a very uneventful day, you had came home and opened up all of your social media to see if anything had happened. New friend request on Facebook? Except. Checking to see if Seth had texted you on Tumblr? Nothing. You had went to your other account that was used for your silly likings. Such as books, or movies, or even just clubs! Your heart sunk when you went through your followers for fun.

• You face bad became at least 3 shades lighter than what it was originally. As if on queue, Seth had called. You stared at your phone before picking it up and flipping it open, clicking on the call button… ‘Hello?’ Your voice ran over the line. ‘You’re into ___? Never knew!’ Seth said over the phone. Embarrassed you were. ‘Hey uh Seth, I’m going to have to hang up. I only have a few more minutes until my minutes run out and I can’t call anymore.’ You replied, almost wanting to die. ‘Huh? You said you had bought some extra minutes like… 2 days ago?’ He said confused. ‘Talk to you later, bye!’ I don’t think you’ve ever hung up the phone so fast.

• As if death had taken you by the hand, you avoided Seth, every chance you got. Of course it broke the poor boy’s heart, but over time you both overcame this little embarrassing moment, and now your telling it at your 3rd anniversary with Seth.

[septembersghost]

my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.

you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)

i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.

thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.

this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.

i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.

to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.

you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.

maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.

whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.

with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.

something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.

[ratwars]

Housekeeping. Long af, but important if you give a shit about my tagging system or actively use it to filter or regularly search my blog.

When I first started this blog I didn't know wtf I was doing or how to use tumblr. However as someone who loves making things searchable and sortable I quickly fell in love with the tagging system, and started extensively using organizational tags. I quickly settled on a consistent system I have been using ever since.

I used to never talk on here either but eventually decided to do that more but when my follower count was lower (which I miss tbh) it was super obvious when ppl would unfollow me, which tended to happen after personal posting. So I created a -pers tag so ppl could shut me up but still get 24 hr reblogs. Because I did have a queue going for the better part of those 2 years.

My queue ended a couple times in the past 6 months and I haven't had the time or energy to put it back together again. I miss having it. I also have less time and energy to deal with my own tagging system causing me to do most of my reblogs in 2 parts. Drafting things when I see them. Tagging and posting them later sometimes weeks later as my drafts build up. I have been even worse about leaving compliments and comments in tags as well because of this. I am tired and busy but I miss it.

In order to combat my issues and take the burden off of myself that I put on myself, and allow me to hopefully do more of what I enjoy while still sharing lots of rbs with yall, I am doing the following:

I will no longer be consistently tagging individual bsd characters except for a few. Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma, and Dazai (because I regularly search them on my own blog). And possibly characters who it is more of a rare treat to rb fanart of them, like Higuchi and Mori. I will no longer be tagging bsd posts that have other bsd tags in them as bsd separately (so the common "bsd fyodor, bsd fanart, bsd, would become bsd fyodor, bsd fanart.)

I will still tag new chapters on chapter release days and the day after, as well as continue to use the bsd spoilers tag for even longer.

For other series that are not bsd, I will only tag the series and no longer tag characters or use a fanart tag separately, with the exception of the dialovers Carla and Yui Komori tags.

I will no longer tag nature.

I will no longer tag quotes.

I will only use the "art" tag for non fandom related art, I will no longer use the illustration (or illlustration) tags.

I will use weirdcore or dreamcore tags but not both on the same post. It is important to me that ppl can still filter these out.

I will use -pers and -vent still, but with absolutely zero further promises that I will tag my own talking consistently. I will still put long or (things that I think would be) super upsetting under cuts like I have in the past. I will probably still delete things regularly.

I will no longer tag me reblogging my own posts as self rb.

I will keep my -whump on main tag, so ppl can filter that still. I will still tag cw eyestrain and cw flashing for accessibility. I will still tag blood and gore if it is intense and I post it here instead of my sideblog but I do not promise consistency.

I will still use my ask and tunes tags, and if I do special queues (like the friday fyo queue) I will tag those. I do plan on using my old queue tag as well or making a new one.

If I have gotten rid of anything that you actively filter please feel free to unfollow me even if we are mutuals. I also don't find it weird for people to visit my blog and interact with me without following me, so if you do feel you need to unfollow me but still want to search your blorbos on my blog, send me asks, or talk in my tags and replies, please do so and of course reblog and spam reblog from me to your heart's content. If you want to unfollow me and we have ever talked in dms before my dms are still open to you then as well. It doesn't bother me at all. This isn't so much of a new thing either in regards to my feelings about that, just a clarification I thought I should explicitly point out rn given the fact more of you might want to bail if you can't hide my bird posting for instance.

I might change or drop any of this if I feel like it. I enjoy being consistent, but I don't like feeling bound to it. And I realized I was which made me want to abandon my blog and start over without the imagined expectations. Instead I am trying this.

[am-i-the-asshole-2]

Introduction:

Heya! You can call me Ass!

I made this AITA blog because the original OP has been getting kind of overwhelmed at their blog. They have left for a while, or maybe forever, so I’m here to either pick up the slack or be a replacement. I don’t know the owner of the that blog, and I am not them! I just know what it’s like to have a blog whiz out of control because of drama and bad faith, and I want to help out.

Poll Options:

No, NTA = Not The Asshole

Yes, YTA = You’re The Asshole

Yeah, But JAH = Justified Asshole

Eh, YBA = You’re Both Assholes

Well, NBTA = Nobody’s The Asshole

INFO? = Need More Information

Rules:

DOS:

1. DO enter both real and fictional scenarios! I love a good fictional scenario. However, I will do quality control, as I will with realistic ones too, so make sure it’s at least believable! That’s half the fun.

2. DO keep all names involved a secret, to protect privacy and to perhaps keep safety for all involved.

3. DO provide as much detail as you can, as well as making a separate post if you want to answer any questions.

4. DO be kind! At the end of the day, this blog is not only for advice, but entertainment. You will have to come to peace with the fact that some submissions aren’t true, or are written to illicit a reaction. Since there is no way to tell true from false, I will assume they are all true until proven otherwise.

5. DO tell me if there’s any TW tags you’d like me to add! There’s already a few I will add, but I may forget or fail to add one to an existing post.

6. DO add warnings at the top of your submissions if it’s going to be overly graphic or upsetting.

7. DO remember to pay the Pet Tax! If you mention a pet during your submission, you must provide proof through a cute picture! It’s the law, I’m afraid. And, just by mentioning the Pet Tax, I have to pay it as well. (Pet death or other factors absolve you from this tax!)

DON’TS:

1. DON’T harass anyone that submits a question, leaves a comment, or in any way interacts with this blog. This is all for fun, folks!

2. DON’T ask me when your post will be posted. Right now, I will post them as they come, but I will probably move on to a queue system eventually. I only delete submissions if they are obvious fictional ones. Your’s will get there!

3. DON’T blame me for any content that is submitted. I will add tags, but that’s all I can do. I’m the DJ, I did not make the music.

4. DON’T post any personal information, whether you’re the submitter or not. Revealing your or other’s address, pictures, real name, etc. can be dangerous, especially if they’re in an abusive situation.

5. DON’T bully anyone! This means spamming messages or asks, commenting nasty things, or reblogging posts with hurtful responses. Again, this is all for fun.

6. DON’T submit things based on feelings! Only actions, since those are what can’t be taken back. No one is an asshole for feeling anything.

List of Tags:

If you are triggered by or just don’t want to see any of these things, make sure to block these tags! Let me know if I need to add any more!

TW homophobia

TW transphobia

TW religion

TW abuse

TW sa (sexual assault)

TW pedophilia

TW graphic

TW gore

TW suicide

TW food

fictional aita (in case you only want to see real stories)