#i will eventually probably just post this whole album but for now. this one

[salthien]

[ohsohoney]

When it comes to love you're just as blinded.

Part One

Eminem x Musician

Summary: It starts with a drunk embarrassing video, it spirals into something a whole lot more.

Note: Hey! First time writing for Em so I figured I'd use a side account and see how it went? Honestly this is a whole series in my mind so might add onto this first part soon! An oc character but can be read as a reader insert if you prefer:)

Set in 2014, just after the release of LP 2

Warnings: Lots of swearing, dark humour

Masterlist

I was mortified.

More so than I’d probably ever been, in truth. All because of a stupid video that had been taken a couple of years back when I’d had one drink too many on a holiday I’d always dreamt of.

To be fair though, the majority of the blame lied heavily on my younger sister’s shoulders, who’d found the stupid thing whilst reminiscing through old memories and thought it would be hilarious to post online. Forgetting about the millions of fans who would soon see it– and not just mine, it would seem.

No, because that just wasn’t how the internet worked, was it? And when a newly nominated artist, who had only been in the game for a couple years, was filmed rapping an old noughties classic instead of singing like expected, it was basically bound to go viral. Didn’t help that I was a Londoner through and through and had the accent to prove it, making the whole video that much harder to watch. In truth, I continued to cringe each time I was reminded of it, which was practically anytime I opened up social media or witnessed the guilty expression that continued to mar my sister’s face.

“Stop doing that.” I huffed at her later on when the worst of it still continued to storm on, almost whining actually as I looked away from my phone screen and down at the food I wasn’t really eating, just picking at. I was supposed to be mad, infuriated even, but it was proving to be a fucking chore when she kept on looking at me like that.

“Doing what?” Lottie retorted, not even attempting to wipe the culpable look from off of her face. She was currently residing back at mum’s now, seeing as how she had school and I’d only just landed back home, but I’d give it a day before she was back here again. My flight over had been strenuous, it always was when flying to and from Cali, but still I made time for her– even after the most recent stunt she had gone and pulled.

“Don’t do that either.” 

I’d meant to sound scolding but the soft laugh that escaped me truly was accidental. I couldn’t quite help it, I knew that being mad at her wouldn’t solve anything now and that she hadn’t really meant any harm by posting the video. That was just the type of person she was, she acted before she thought things through and didn’t ever think much for the consequences. Then again, she was still only fourteen and her putting the drunken moment on her Instagram story had just been one of those sibling type moments, the kind where you’d rip the piss out of one another simply because you could.

“I mean it, Lotts.” I sighed around the words, eyes flitting back to the screen and the way she was chewing on her lower lip. “It’s being sorted and, I don't know, I guess it’ll die down sooner or later. Mila reckons so anyway. We’ll give it a day or two, hey?”

A day or two did pass. And no such thing happened.

I’d been cooped up at home ever since I’d touched down at Heathrow, having jumped in the first cab available and fallen asleep the second I’d gotten in through the door. I’d been working out in LA for a couple weeks with a few other writers, just messing about with new sounds and ideas for the next album I eventually wanted to release. So I hadn’t been witness to the media catastrophe Lottie had created until later the next afternoon when Mila, my manager, had all but mowed down my front door, having called my phone three dozen times and gotten a guy she was currently seeing in the city to come buzz my intercom. It had been a wake up call and a half to say the least.

Still, she had assumed it would all die down fairly quickly, went as far to say that it could do wonders for my career– even with me being visibly tipsy– after having had the absolute gall to say that I hadn’t sounded half as bad as I thought I did. I’d cackled hysterically into the phone at that, then had somewhat of a meltdown, in utter disbelief over the apparent reaction she claimed the video had gone and garnered. Because I was absolutely not looking. Knew that if I did there would be too large a chance that I’d check myself into the nearest psychiatric unit. 

But as I said, a couple of days had passed and typically something like this would have eventually blown over when the next big story hit the headlines. White girl can spit a verse, who cared? Only then the VMA’s had happened and shit hit the fucking fan.

I hadn’t attended, shit like that had always irked me. I could perform in front of a crowd of thousands and step off feeling as high as a kite, but stick me on a carpet and force me to interact with cameras, questions, and people? That was where I drew the line.

At the start, I had tried. I’d been new on the scene and people had reasoned that I would just end up being another one hit wonder, so the label had figured it best if I got myself out there, if only to interact with other artists and producers in similar circles.

It had gone down a treat– like a cake being knocked over at the wedding of the year. Maybe even worse. I didn’t like to linger too long on it.

But I’d tried again and again afterwards, although it had only proven to worsen my mood each time and forced me to retreat, avoiding my team and the responsibilities I had lined up for a short while after. It was only following a particularly uncomfortable night that Mila had called it quits and had a contract drawn up stating that I only had to attend a certain amount of events a year. It had been at that moment that I’d realised just how fucked I would have been in this industry without her.

Even so, life still continued on without me and the VMA’s were just another show I would be mostly avoiding, only making a statement at the end of the night online for the nominations I’d been gifted.

It was around midnight when I heard the scream.

Lottie was staying with me, typical for whenever I was back in London for a few weeks at a time, and so I’d felt my heart literally drop to my feet at the very sound of her screech and legged it across the entirety of the house. At first, I’d thought she’d slipped and fallen, maybe cracked her head open on a counter. And then the thought of an intruder had crossed my mind whilst I’d gone skidding over the landing. So anyone could understand why I was so worked up when I finally threw open her bedroom door only to find her simply sat there on her phone, hand covering her mouth.

“What the hell is your problem? It’s just gone twelve, Lottie! I thought something had happened!” I rebuked her, chest heaving as I dropped the heavy bookend I’d managed to pick up somewhere on my way over down onto her desk. “Shit.”

Her eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them though when I finally did get around to catching my breath and chanced another glance back at her.

“I was literally just about to fall asleep.” Which really meant that I’d been getting into bed to scroll through my phone or read a book when I’d heard her shout. “Then you screamed as though Freddy Krueger was stood at your window.”

“Elia.” 

I blinked, Lottie rarely did that, used my entire name and not the usual shortened version or whatever other epithet that came to mind– and truly, there was a large variety, the shit I’d heard this kid come out with was insane. But I shook my head at the thought and quirked a brow at her. “What? Did someone die?”

“No,” She answered me, dropping her hand away from her face even though her jaw was still gaping, “But I just might.”

Rolling my eyes at the theatrics, I exhaled and walked over to slump on the end of her bed, figuring that something had happened between her and one of her friends, or maybe some lad she might’ve been speaking to. “And it deserved a scream like that? Honestly Lotts, just be thankful this place doesn’t have any neighbours listening in through the walls.” I told her, thinking back to my own adolescent years and the woman in the flat beside ours, “We’d have someone knocking at the door in under a half hour.”

It was her turn to roll her eyes then as she scoffed at me– like I was the one being dramatic here– before she then shook her head and shuffled hurriedly over the mattress to sit closer. “No Lia, just listen, look.”

Confused, I sighed and tilted my head when Lottie moved to shove her mobile in my face. I squinted at the sudden contrast, showing off my age and the horrific tragedy that was my eyesight, and tried to make sense of whatever it was that she was so hellbent on showing me. 

From what I could first make out, it was just a Twitter thread, but then Lotts then clicked on the main video at the top. I waited as the clip buffered for a second, then a familiar face panned into focus and I felt my brow furrow. I peered over at Lottie for a split second before her eyes were widening in retort and she gestured her chin back towards the screen.

I narrowed my own eyes in turn, but watched on.

It had to be a coincidence, I reasoned. That of all people it was him that Lottie was currently showing me.

“Well, aren’t we in for a show tonight! Eminem is in the house, people!” An interviewer started, she was a tall, leggy blonde who held a too big microphone too close to her chin. “How are you feeling?”

I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was to see him on the VMA’s carpet, not after the comeback he’d made late last year with LP 2, but I was, eyes caught on the bleached buzz cut he’d since reverted back to for the album’s release. Fuck, I’d be so pissed if it came out that he was performing tonight and I’d gone ahead and missed it.

Lottie thumped my shoulder, hard, realising fairly quickly that I hadn’t really been listening, and so I scowled in retort but gritted my teeth to keep from thumping her right back. She might’ve been my sister, but I had well over a decade on the kid and was marginally her guardian, just not in writing.

The rapper had seemingly just finished commenting on a question the tall blonde had asked him and so I forced myself to pay closer attention, brain whirling as I wondered what could have possibly been so important that it had Lottie screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night.

“I feel that!” The woman practically beamed at the rapper, head nodding along to whatever he’d just said, “But it’s good to hear that you’re enjoying being back. In truth, I wasn’t sure I’d catch you here tonight, there’s been a lot of buzz surrounding you at the moment and not just because of the album!”

My heart stuttered in my chest. Actually, I was pretty sure it had gone and fallen out of my arse, especially when the interviewer continued to press on the topic and it appeared as though the man in question understood exactly what she was getting at. His stoic facade cracked just a tad and– there! A smirk. An ever so slight crook of his mouth. I shot a startled glance over at Lottie but her gaze was fixated on the screen.

“I mean, have you seen it?” The interviewer prompted whilst he simply stood there, fisted hands clasped before him. No sign of the split second curve he’d just had on his lips. “The whole world’s been wondering about your thoughts on the singer!”

And there it was.

“I can’t,” I started to say, turning away from the phone just as a rush of nausea flooded through me, but Lottie held strong, hand coming up to catch my shoulder so that she could position her phone back in my eyeline. “Lottie–” I tried. Please.

“Just listen.” She persisted, face so serious.

Immediately I wanted to rescind my earlier statement. This was now my most mortifying moment. In fact, I wanted to hide in the nearest cupboard and never come out again. How the fuck was I going to show my face in public, not to mention at the next event, after this?

I swallowed thickly, entirely unprepared to hear a word he had to say about me. I mean, who would be? This man was leagues above a majority of the industry, me included. Never had I ever even thought that he could hear my name in passing, let alone listen to one of my songs playing in some shop he was coincidentally in or a random radio station. But here he now was, rolling his lips as he pondered over a question which concerned that stupid fucking video. 

“I hate you.” I whispered at Lottie, mostly in hopes to cover up whatever he was about to say, but also because I was embarrassed beyond belief. And this was all her fault.

In the time spent since the drunken video had first gone up and now, I had yet to even think about him ever seeing it. Because the idea was that far fetched. But this was me, so of course he had.

“I’ve heard it.” Marshall confirmed, his head dipped in a barely there nod. My throat cinched. I wondered briefly how quickly I’d be able to tie myself a noose.

“And?” The woman prodded and internally I cursed her future bloodline, hoping that she'd somehow spawn the next antichrist or that her grandchild would become a shit-headed politician.

The man in question merely hummed, hollowing out his cheeks. “I was surprised, I have to admit. But she’s good, even when wasted.”

“I wasn’t fucking wasted!” 

I hadn't even realised I’d spoken out loud until Lottie snorted on a chuckle. I turned towards her, brows raised high, “What? I wasn’t. You were there!”

I rolled my eyes when she didn’t deign me with some sort of assent but my head snapped back over to where she still gripped the phone when I heard him speak again, his voice echoing throughout the quiet bedroom.

“Then again, her shit goes hard. So it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.”

That heart of mine that I kept on talking about? Yeah, I had zero clue as to what the fuck was going on with it now, only that my chest was wound as tight as it possibly could be and my eyes stung as I withheld the urge to even blink.

“You’re a fan?” The woman asked him, appearing genuinely surprised by the notion, even though it sounded more like a declaration rather than the question it was.

Marshall hummed, sparing a brief glance over his shoulder when a group shuffled on past them, disrupting the interview. It didn’t deter the woman though and I couldn’t blame her, no matter how much it pained me.

“So, could this mean we’ll be seeing a new featured artist on whatever you put out next?”

I made some sort of inhuman sound at that, but barely moved a muscle. And then I all but shutdown when the rapper's wide eyes flickered over to peer straight into the camera’s lens, “I mean, if she’s down.”

The next scream that was emitted once again came from Lottie, but I couldn’t think to scold her for it, not when I was hardly even functioning and wanted to implode myself. 

The girl toppled over onto me, shaking my shoulders whilst she squealed unabashedly. “If. She’s. Down!” She repeated, squealing with excitement, “El, this is insane! How are you not screaming too?”

The air I forced from my lungs came out in a breathless chuckle as I clung to the forearm that was still wrapped around my collar. In truth, I didn’t know how the hell I was supposed to react. 

“Figure you’ve screamed enough for the both of us.” I replied faintly, not really thinking but somehow managing to carry on, mostly out of sheer shock. I glanced her way, “I feel a bit sick.”

Lottie just shook me harder and when we eventually went falling down onto the duvet in a mess of limbs I wondered what I was going to do with the knowledge that I’d just been given. God. He knew who I was. The shock of it was almost like reliving my first time on stage all over again.

That night I ended up listening to Lottie rant on and on for a good while after whilst she scrolled through her Twitter feed and the rest of the internet. Mila eventually intervened, calling after having seen it too, and was as smug as ever. “Told you.” She’d said the second I’d hit the answer button and I hadn’t had the heart to play it off or act as though I hadn’t seen it either. 

After the interview eventually finished trending and stopped being posted here, there, and everywhere, I was left with a flow of new followers but also a nightmare of opinions spouting from every corner of the planet on any comment section I had to offer. I forced myself to come off most apps I had downloaded after that and resorted to gaining my daily entertainment, and any real news, from Lottie. Which seemed sad, in retrospect, but honestly? It was more than a little self-serving and I’d even managed to get a shit load of stuff done.

I worked on a couple new songs, sticking to what I did best, but my mind did end up drifting away every so often, back to a conversation I’d had with Mila and Travis at the label a couple days after the media storm had passed. It seemed they all wanted me to try implementing a few new concepts into the music I was currently working on before we started to draw up ideas for the next album. Travis reasoned that even attempting to add a couple freestyles into the motions whilst I went about writing would do me wonders later on. 

I just felt uncomfortable with it all, really. I’d never been a rapper. I mean, I loved it. It was mainly what I’d been brought up on, having grown up in an area where every kid on the estate was either attempting to become the next big thing or just blaring the biggest hits out of their car stereos. But that was just it. I listened and sang along, had even built up an extensive collection which I was immensely proud of, but the label were now aiming for this next album to make it onto a Grammy nominations list. It was all they had been fretting over since I’d somehow managed to chart the last one– although a single number one and an almost throw away making it to number seven didn’t make me all that hopeful. 

Even so, it forced me to wonder how it would all work if I started to switch things up now. I could appreciate all genres but I didn’t wanna become the next hopper just to appease the people yessing me and then fall off.

The entire concept had me confused and so I had taken to keeping my head down for a while longer.

Lottie had headed back to mum’s earlier that morning, seeing as I was due to make an appearance in Paris for Fashion Week, attending the Vogue show alongside Vivienne Westwood. An utter dream, yes, but also still an incredibly daunting reality. Even so, it was something I couldn’t quite worm my way out of even if I had wanted to– see, with that contract there still came clauses.

I’d been prepping for my upcoming early morning flight most of the day, showering later on than anticipated just so that I could pack my case and eat before I eventually climbed into bed. Hoping to somehow get a couple hours kip.

I’d thrown on a robe and kept the speakers blaring once I’d eventually jumped out from under the spray, wet hair curling at the ends as I worked on throwing something quick together in my kitchen.

It wasn't long before I went and took the bowl I’d just made out into the living room with me, simply so that I could curl up on the settee and wrap up the few emails I’d been working on earlier. I was just nodding along and humming to the next song that played through the overhead speakers when my phone started to buzz against my ankle, shooting a funny feeling up through the bone. I was quick to pick it up, wrinkling my nose at the feel and not paying much mind to the caller, figuring it had to be either Mila or Lottie.

“Hello?”

There was a short pause as I shifted the phone against my ear before a voice eventually sounded, “This Elia?”

Frowning, I casted a quick glance at the phone’s screen to find a number with an unfamiliar area code staring back at me. I let my gaze stray on over towards a clock I had hanging on the far wall only to find that it had just gone eight. 

I fumbled for a moment, “Um. It is, can I ask who’s calling?”

A low cough rumbled through the line before the same voice spoke again, I shuffled to set my laptop off to the side on the sofa, brow furrowed. “It’s Em– Marshall.”

Suddenly my head felt so very empty and my mouth was working around words that couldn't seem to find their way out. Em. The Em?? Fucking, Em?

I’d obviously been quiet a beat too long, drowning in the sudden panic that had shrouded me, because he spoke up again, “That Nas playin’?”

I shot a startled glance over my shoulder to where the fancy sound system was installed, the biggest reason I’d gone and purchased the home, in truth, and was immediately reminded of the music I had piercing through the air. Clumsily, I rolled off of the corner of the settee so that I could stumble over to turn the thing off, doing exactly that before I was forced to blink at the sudden silence that greeted me.

I winced and was quick to turn the music back on, keeping it low. All the while I still held my phone close to my chest.

“Uh, yeah. Hi!” I blundered helplessly after a moment, carding a hand through my damp hair as I stared at the empty wall before me stupidly. I wasn’t sure what to say, let alone do. I could sort of wrap my head around the interview, his brief mention of me. But a fucking phone call? It was on another level.

He chuckled though, enough so that I felt myself flush bashfully at my obvious awkwardness and forced my body to move back towards the sofa, if only so that I didn’t have to stand on shaky legs anymore. 

“Hi.” He mimicked, voice low albeit a tad amused.

I smiled. Unable to do anything but, in all honesty, as I lowered myself down onto the cushions, vaguely aware that I should probably be saying something else now that he’d gone and replied, but was simply more than a little caught off guard by everything. 

“Sorry, I– Well, I didn’t expect your call. Or anyones really.” I murmured, trying my best to shake off the nerves that were apparently wreaking havoc on my brain to mouth filter. “I just jumped out of the shower, had yet to turn off the stereo. Sorry.” How many times had I just apologised? I wanted to scream.

“You’re good.” He assured me, voice unlike what I probably would have expected and so I blinked once more at the sound of it, reminded that it was actually him I was talking to. But all that was fluttering through my head was ‘what the fuck are you doing calling me?’ “Nice choice, I gotta say. This an alright time for you to talk? I don’t wanna disturb you much.”

My eyes widened at both the compliment in song choice and well, him. Then withheld another sudden urge to scream, the hand not holding my phone clenching into a tight fist against my chest. “No, no, of course not. I mean, you’re fine! Not disturbing me at all.”

His next reply sounded more than just a little mirthful, “Sure ‘bout that?”

I willed myself to relax and took an inconspicuous breath as I pulled my legs back up under me. “I’m sure.” I told him, laughing lightly at myself for being so socially inept– or maybe it was just this entire scenario I’d been shoved into. “How’d you even get my number anyway?” 

I hadn’t meant for it to sound so forceful or abrupt, but it had been yet another question my sluggish brain hadn’t been able to find an answer to. 

“Mila?” He answered me, and I blinked stupidly at the name. “We had a mutual contact, figured I’d chance askin’ her instead of gettin’ lost in your DM’s. That cool? She said she’d let you know.”

The conniving cow, I thought to myself, though I wouldn’t have put it past her to have reasoned with herself that I would’ve probably freaked out if she had told me beforehand, before then having proceeded to just let my phone ring out whilst I stared pitifully at it. She knew me all too well. 

“She did not.” I replied through a baited breath, “But no, yeah. You’re alright, just caught me off guard is all. You’re probably the last person I expected to call, if I’m being honest here..”

When I heard him laugh once more I grinned, all too pleased with myself. It was a low gruff sound, not deep enough to be sarcastic or ingenuine, but rather warm. It surprised me.

“Oh yeah? Even after everything that’s gone down lately?”

My eyes slipped closed at the instantaneous reminder and I winced. The video. Honestly, in the whirlwind that wasn’t just my life at the moment, but this phone call too, I could have almost forgotten about it.

“I still can’t believe you saw that.”

Marshall let go of another amused huff that I figured to be a chuckle, breathing in deep enough that he forced me to wait on his next words. “I don’t lie. I meant what I said. But tell me, how many drinks d’you have in you?”

I curled my tongue against the back of my teeth in hopes to keep from grinning too hard, feeling a slight sting at the tip. “I was tipsy.” I argued pointlessly, knowing it would be a tireless venture, “I’d only had a couple.”

He hummed, seemingly not convinced.

“It was years ago, too!” I felt the need to tack on, the rosy hue the alcohol had given my cheeks sprung to mind and made me wonder. My face wrinkled as I dragged a helpless hand across it. “Who even sent it to you?”

“A couple people, actually.” Marshall ended up revealing and his words sounded playful enough that I could almost picture the curl of his mouth. “My daughter was one.”

Without thinking my hand flew up towards my mouth and I shook my head as I let it rest against my palm. “You’re not being serious.”

“Dre too.”

I let go of a hissed curse and crumpled a little bit in my seat before laughing stupidly at myself. If I couldn’t talk myself out of this then I supposed I would just have to get over it. I hoped thinking sensibly would allow me to actually follow through on that sentiment, but I very much doubted it.

Marshall laughed again, slow and easy almost as though he’d shared it with me a hundred times before. “I wasn’t kiddin’ neither. ’s why I called.”

Pulling my head from out of my hands, I wet my lower lip, mind promptly flashing back to the clip Lottie had shown me. “What’s that meant to mean?” I asked him, treading cautiously. 

“Listen.” He began, pausing only briefly to inhale before he then added, “I’m workin’ on another album–”

“No.” I interrupted, eyes suddenly wide and alert, “Already?”

A tittered snort followed the disruption but my mind was already reeling. 

“You’re not fucking with me?”

In all honesty I had prepared myself to wait a couple more years for another drop, hoping for him to feature or for someone to send for him if only so that he’d make a track in reply. I’d been obsessed with his recent work, even going as far as to add it onto the tour bus playlist late last year. It had actually been played so much the roadies and the band had threatened to rip the system out. But a new album? Fuck. I hadn’t expected it.

“Who else knows?”

There was a slight click on the other side of the line. Or scuffle. “As of right now? Like six people.”

I swallowed down the understanding that then hit me, but my stomach lurched at the very thought of it. “And I’m one?” I chuckled, holding back the hysterical laughter I felt bubble as my hand fell over my heart, “Wow, I feel honoured, Mathers.” It was teasing, the rib I meant, though my eyes still widened when I realised what I’d gone and said, not wanting him to take it the wrong way. 

I needn’t have worried. 

“As you fuckin’ should be.”

I gave a real laugh at that, almost a full-belly type shit. But could you really blame me? 

I was still smiling as I went to retort, humming with it, “God, you really just went and sprung that shit on me.”

“Hold you to keepin’ it on the low for now.” Marshall said, reminding me how paranoid the press and Hollywood had made him out to be in the past. I wondered how much truth there was in the sentiment. I mean, the man was almost a recluse– not that I could blame him, I was pulled from the same sort of cloth there– but to put a secret like that in my hands? It had to take some amount of faith.

I nodded seriously, even though he couldn’t see the gesture. Seemed he could hear the sincerity in my answer though, “‘Course.” I told him and then chewed on my lower lip for a second before a soft snicker escaped me. “That the only reason you called though? I mean, as honoured as I am to be one of the infamous six, I’m surprised you just phoned to let me in on the know. Have I just been roped into some sort of celeb elitist group? Weird initiation.”

His huffed laugh was breathy and made my mouth twitch that little bit more. 

“Nah. You always this weird though?” Marshall wondered and I bared my teeth in a light grimace, figuring I’d gone too far with that one. Or maybe.. I'd just hit the mark? I snorted lightly at the thought.

“It was an honest question! I’ve heard horror stories.” And wasn’t that the truth, events and parties weren’t all about the awards and just getting trollied. Some of those fuckers were as strange as people could come.

The man clucked his tongue, although I could hear the slight smile in his sarky response. “Uhuh. Sorry to disappoint but nah, initiation starts in the belly of LA. Gotta dissect a virgin and drink Ciroc out of their intestines. Funnel that shit down.”

The snort I gave in turn was ugly and loud enough that it forced a hand to fly up and cover my mouth, but it didn’t appear to bother the rapper none, who chuckled before clearing his throat.

“Change this shit to Facetime.” He said not a second after, swiftly cutting short my absurd amusement. “Then we can talk about the album.”

I fumbled for a moment. “I look a mess.”

“Good thing this ain’t a fuckin’ fashion show then.” He only pressed, “You think I give a shit what you look like right now?”

That struck an odd chord in me for some reason, but I didn’t want to linger much on the feeling. “No. But I do, dickhead. It’s half eight at night, I have sudocrem on my face and I look like a dog off of Lady and the Tramp.”

I was so flustered by the very thought of acquiescing to the man’s demand that I didn’t even think much of the name I’d gone and called him. 

“Again, do I give a shit? And what did you just call me?”

I paused, reeling back to whatever it was I’d just spouted at him. Upon rehashing my words I felt my tongue press between my lips to keep from laughing loudly, if Mila or Lottie had been there I’d already be strung up by a pair of metaphorical balls. 

“You heard me fine.” I brushed it off, if he wanted to call me out of the blue and act all chummy then chummy was what he’d get.

Besides it wasn’t like I’d meant the term maliciously, I used that type of endearment with everybody. Something my manager had tried and failed to force out of me time and time again.

“But back to this whole ‘seeing my mug thing’. Not happening, mate. Why couldn’t you have called like, six hours ago? I looked like an actual person then.”

“Dickhead.” He muttered beneath his breath, barely even loud enough for me to have heard him and I could only guess that he was shaking his head with it, hopefully somewhat amused. “You ain’t an actual person then?” He said in reply, forgoing the name calling for now, “Figures, you give off lizard vibes.”

“Fuck you!” My laugh was sudden, jaw having dropped a tad at the quip. “Lizard vibes, the fuck are you then? And yes, an actual person! You can’t just call people, drop a bomb, and then demand things!”

“Shit typically works.” He quipped all too quickly that it had me shaking my head around another quiet smile of my own. “Just entertain me though, for a moment.”

My head fell back against the arm of the sofa, eyes casted towards the high ceiling which loomed above. I couldn’t quite believe I was actually considering it.

He didn’t even have to goad me before I relented. I huffed, blowing a strand of hair from out of my face as I sat back up, “Fine. Just gimme a sec.” 

He hummed.

Elbowing my way off the settee I skidded over to the closest mirror, dragged a hand through my mostly dried hair and made sure that I didn’t have racoon eyes from any lingering mascara I’d had on before my shower. The patches of sudocrem would have to stay though, I deemed, seeing as he already knew about those. 

I gave up on the preening and sighed as I fell back onto the sofa, thankful for the dim lights the living room offered in that moment. It was just as I was switching the call though that a thought hit me, making me question if the reason he’d asked me to start the Facetime was due to him wanting to give me the option to turn it down or simply because he had no idea how to do it himself. “Still there, old man?”

A scoff echoed into the room before my phone screen stuttered and I was left staring at the sharp lines of his face. It wasn’t like I hadn’t actually believed it was him I was talking to, but seeing the man was another thing altogether. He was a real person and that idea alone had me reeling. 

I wrinkled my nose almost shyly around a smile when that sharp gaze of his slid away from something behind the camera to meet mine. He tilted his head to look me over, the hood of his jumper moving with the motion. 

“I was right about the lizard thing.” Was the only greeting he offered me, jutting his chin out as he feigned all seriousness. 

My mouth dropped open upon hearing him and my tongue quickly flicked out towards a canine to keep from biting back at him. There was humour written in the gesture though, even as I moved to narrow my eyes. “He’s got jokes! Reused ones, I might add, but jokes nonetheless.” I snarked, lifting my eyebrows at him in exaggeration, “Hilarious.”

His mouth curled very, very briefly, but I was quick to work out that it was all in the eyes with him. They held a certain amount of mirth as they flickered over my face. I wondered what he saw. 

“Suits you though. Even with all the…” He waved a hand over his own face, probably referencing the white dots I had littered in a few places.

With a shake of my head I raised a hand to my chest, feigning a fond appreciation for the sardonic comment. “Is that the famous charm the world’s heard so much about then? Really know how to make a girl feel special, Mathers.”

His eyes slitted but still shone with a slight glaze, he hummed deeply in retort. “Best believe it. Why d’you think I’ve gotten divorced twice?”

A low whistle escaped me before I then laughed, eyes squinting with the strength of it. “Figured you might just have a kink for courtrooms.” 

His tongue swept into his cheek at my boldness, fighting back a real smile as he glanced away and then back again. “I’m down bad for a good Judge. Spank me vibes, you know?”

I chuckled outwardly at that, amused by his quick witted replies. But that in itself didn’t surprise me, it was well known just how hilarious the man could be, his stoic demeanour only prodding that revelation further. 

That sternness his face seemed to consistently hold softened though in that next moment and I watched on as he shuffled a little closer to the camera, sat somewhere indoors with enough natural light that he could have only been in his kitchen. It hit me then how wild this whole thing suddenly was. “What’s with the last name anyway?”

I blinked, caught off guard by his ask. “Um,” I fumbled, a slight wrinkle forming between my brow, “What do you mean, me calling you Mathers?”

He hummed and I had to think about it for a second. Ultimately I ended up gifting him a shrug, “Don’t know. Just feels strange to call you Eminem or whatever.” I laughed lightly at myself, hand falling to my knee to toy with a loose thread on the hem of my robe. “What do people usually call you?”

It was his turn to shrug then, his being a singular and fluid motion whereas mine had been more thoughtless. He was watching again though, the wide eyes I was so used to seeing in old interviews where he was always playing a part were now gentler, narrowed sure, but softer and slightly wrinkled at the very edges.

I tugged on the frayed thread, wrapping it around my finger enough to whiten the skin before I had to let it go again. “Is Em okay? Or just Marshall maybe?” I queried, watching him too.

“Whatever you want.” He murmured and it was then that I noticed he’d propped his phone up somewhere in front of him because a pair of hands came to rest at the bottom of the screen just as he pressed further into the counter he was sat at.

I wrung my lips to one side, teeth biting into the inside of my cheek enough to keep from smiling much more than I already was. “Most people call me El or Lia. Elia just started to feel unnatural away from, you know, everyone else.”

It was the worlds now, as well as one of few reasons I had for the stigma I felt around my own name. 

The man jerked his head in a short nod in response whilst his fingers intertwined against a marble countertop. “So we should just slide that into the writin’ credits then? Or you finally gone take me up on that offer of a feature?”

You know that odd feeling you get when you’re on the tube or a plane and so suddenly your ears just pop and there's this ringing sound that floods the single sense? It just happens, out of nowhere, and you blink. So all you can immediately focus on is the sound. The odd feeling of it driving waves deeper and deeper into your skull. And the only way you can recover is by holding your own breath?

That was what that question felt like to me. 

“What?”

His eyes were alight, akin to a low flame of flickering amusement and perhaps hope. “You deaf now too? Know you heard me.”

Of course I fucking heard him but that didn’t mean I understood. “This is for real?”

Finally, he let go of a dulcet chuckle, almost a ringing sound in and of itself. “You gone make me repeat it? You in, or not?”

“How is that even a question?” I breathed back to him, my hand shaking against the hem of my robe. “Yes! God, if I ever say to no to an ask like that you better fucking shoot me. What the fuck, Marshall?”

That chuckle again.

It was unlike anything else, the only sound I could hear around the blood rushing between my ears. Stupidly, I pinched my thigh and released a stuttered breath when the twist of skin radiated a short snap of pain up my leg.

“That the go ahead then?”

I must’ve looked so incredibly starstruck but I couldn’t even bring myself to care, this was unreal. I nodded, almost frantically at him. “Of course that’s the fucking go ahead! Are you sure about this? I mean, I don’t know how much help I’ll be. I mostly write radio shit.”

“Your earlier stuff ain’t.” Em shot back, the quip startling me enough to snap my jaw shut because not a lot of people ever dug that deep. But he continued on before I could think to hone in on the slip, “‘sides, your lyrics are what I fuck with. That shit makes you think, has you lingerin’. Playing with words is the aim, I want people thinkin’, leachin’ onto each syllable and every phrase. You do that.”

The air in my lungs lurched.

I could only offer him one reply, “When do we start?”

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

We Must Know, How Did it End?

“It was tricky, really. Writing songs that come from a place of pain isn’t usually my thing,” Sirius says, plastering a polite smile onto his face. “It’s difficult to describe a feeling that’s so… overwhelming.” 

Peter smiles back, and Sirius can see the empathy etched across his face. 

“Okay, I think we have time for some audience questions,” Pete says, turning to the audience. Sirius follows his gaze to a crew member handing a mic over to a young woman. 

“Hi, uh, hi. I was just wondering if your album is based on your recent breakup? With Remus?” 

His name alone makes the blood freeze in Sirius’ veins. The fan isn’t wrong, his album is essentially all about Remus. It doesn’t stop his heart from stuttering at the mention of Remus. It brings memories that he’s been trying to write out of his system back to the front of his mind. They bring a lump into his throat, and he has to blink harshly to fight back any semblance of a visceral reaction. 

Thankfully, Peter steps in. 

“You know what? Let’s move on. Anyone else?” 

In spite of a few grumblings, the microphone travels further, landing with another fan. 

“Hey. I was just wondering if you ever think that Remus dated you for the fame? I mean, his follower count has doubled since you two-” 

“No, I don’t think that,” Sirius cuts in sharply. Apparently, his need to defend Remus is stronger than his hurt at their breakup. Peter is opening his mouth to speak, probably to move on again, but Sirius isn’t ready to move on. “Of course I don’t think that. Remus’ talent speaks for itself. He doesn’t need me to be his way to break out in the dance world. We might not be together anymore, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is still one of the most genuine people I have ever met. Honestly, his kindness is indescribable. Everything I said while we were together was true. That relationship was the realest thing I’ve ever had, okay? Us breaking up doesn’t diminish that.” 

The whole studio has lapsed into silence, and Sirius is really regretting the way he went about that now. Even Peter’s watching him in shock. Eventually, he seems to remember his own job, clearing his throat and breaking out into a smile. 

“Okay! It’s about time for us to move on…” 

Sirius is pretty sure that he’s been in a trance for the past hour. He doesn’t even remember the trip back to his house. All he knows is that he’s been scrolling through his tagged posts as his manager, Benjy, shouts at him over the phone. 

“This is, without a doubt, the most irresponsible thing you’ve ever done!” 

“I didn’t think it was that bad,” Sirius grumbles under his breath. Unfortunately, Benjy has the ears of a fucking hawk. 

“If you weren’t a public figure, and I wasn’t your fucking PR Manager, I would think it was sweet, Sirius! However, calling your relationship with Remus the realest thing you’ve ever had?! That gives tabloids every opportunity under the sun to call you obsessive!”

“Yeah, well, it needed to be said,” Sirius says decisively. He’s not wrong. In what world could anyone ever see Remus as anything less than kind? Yeah, they haven’t seen the way Remus would hold Sirius through his panic attacks, say the dumbest things just to watch him smile, or the dance. The one Remus dedicated to him. The one Sirius really should delete from his camera roll. 

“God, Sirius, you’re so lucky that I actually like you.” Benjy interrupts his train of thought, thankfully, letting out a groan as Sirius refreshes Instagram for the fifteenth time. “However, now you need to lay low until people forget that this happened.” 

“What? That I defended him? Just because he’s my ex doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to say anything nice about him!” 

“Yes it does. You can’t say anything too bad, or anything too nice. You have to be neutral. Peter was about to gloss past the question, anyway!” Sirius rolls his eyes, grateful that Benjy can’t see him as he goes scrolling again. He’s being called obsessive in countless different ways by news outlets, people who hate him, and people who have decided that his and Remus’ breakup means that it’s time to take sides. As he looks through them, he’s barely even pausing. 

Until he reaches a post with Remus’ face at the front of it. 

As much as he knows that he shouldn’t, he wants to watch it. He’s spent a lot of time watching the videos he promised James that he’d deleted and crying, but those were videos Sirius had filmed himself. They were personal. He hasn’t interacted with anything that Remus has posted publicly. He doesn’t actually want to be a stalker. 

This feels… different. Mostly because this one has his name on it. 

‘REMUS LUPIN BREAKS SILENCE ABOUT EX BOYFRIEND SIRIUS BLACK:’ 

“Yeah, okay, Benjy, I’ll stay silent,” Sirius says quickly, zoning out. 

“Oh, really? Thanks. That was easy-” 

“Okay, bye.” He hangs up before Benjy can say anything else, immediately playing the video. 

It’s from one of Remus’ livestreams. His face is flushed a slight red, like it usually is after rehearsal, sitting on the floor in his studio. Sirius hates how endearing he finds it. He’s just talking, comments rolling in and the radio playing, when Sirius catches the message. It’s just another one calling him a stalker, but it stops Remus in his tracks. 

“Right, you all need to leave Sirius alone,” Remus says decisively. The way his name sits in Sirius’ mouth brings a lump into his throat all over again. He really needs to stop crying over Remus, it’s getting a little sad. Maybe he is obsessive. “He isn’t stalking me. I actually haven’t spoken to him at all. Listen, the- the breakup was amicable, okay? We don’t hate each other, and we really don’t need people taking sides. All he did was defend me, which he didn’t have to do. It was nice of him, yeah, but it doesn’t make him obsessive. He’s just being a good person, he can’t help that.” Sirius smiles to himself, face warming at the compliment. 

Okay, he is obsessed. 

Still, it’s so unbelievably Remus to be so willing to defend him. To immediately assume the best about Sirius. 

Just when Sirius expects the clip to end, a different song starts playing. He recognises it straight away. It’s one from his new album. 

‘ I told the moon about you… ’ 

Remus’ eyes widen at the words. At Sirius ’ words. He never has been any good at hiding the first thought that flits across his face. 

“Sorry, I’m, er… I’ve got to go. Thanks for- for watching, yeah,” Remus says hurriedly. 

That’s when the clip ends. 

For what feels like the thousandth time, Sirius wants to be in the same room as Remus, to have the privilege of finding out exactly what is going on in his head. He wants to press his thumb against the furrow in Remus’ brow and watch his face relax. Christ, he just wants to touch him, really. His forehead, his hand, his shoulders, his waist, anywhere . With a groan, he drops his head into his hands. He’s actually pathetic. James is the only one who’s allowed to hear about this, and Sirius is pretty sure he needs a stern talking to from him right about now. 

There’s a knock at his front door, which Sirius assumes is James. It’s like the man can read his mind. The knocking is a little… frantic, but James is bouncy, it’s not exactly out of the ordinary. 

He walks slowly over to the door, reaching out and pulling it open. 

The moment he catches a glimpse of the familiar amber eyes, every muscle in Sirius’ body freezes. 

Remus. 

He hasn’t seen him in three months. Not since he left Sirius’ house, got on a plane, and didn’t come back. Sirius has spent a countless number of minutes trying to recall every single detail about Remus, looking at photos of the two of them, wishing that he had spent more time etching every line, every freckle, into his brain. He thought he had, really, but he was right in his interview. Remus is indescribable. 

For a moment, they just look at each other, Remus’ mouth slightly ajar as though he hadn’t expected Sirius to open the door. He almost seems like he doesn’t know how he got there. 

Well, until Sirius speaks. 

“M- Remus? What- what are you…?” He trails off, watching the way Remus’ features set to something much more sure. 

“Sirius, I love you,” he says suddenly. They’re words Sirius never expected to hear coming from Remus again. “I’m still in love with you, and I’m tired of pretending that I haven’t regretted every single step that I’ve taken since I left here. I- God, Sirius, I think we made a mistake. I- I know what we said, what we agreed on. It was too difficult with our schedules, we were both being too distant, fighting over little things,” he lists everything like it’s pointless, as Sirius tries to get his brain to fucking wake up and work. “And I get it, Sirius. I really do get it, I understand, but I’d take thousands of fights over- over dishes, or hogging blankets, instead of having to do these months all over again. This is going to sound really sad, and really bloody pathetic, but I’ve watched the videos of you writing songs in my flat more time than I can fucking count since we broke up! You told the moon about me? I know that line. I’d know it anywhere. It’s the one right before I turned the camera off and kissed you. It just made me- I don’t know, I didn’t think hearing it like that would hurt so much.” He seems to be hit with a completely different emotion, some sense of regret, and it’s probably Sirius’ fault, since he doesn’t seem to be able to get his voice to work. He can sing night after night, go on countless talk shows, but apparently this is what it takes to render Sirius speechless. “I know I’m probably overstepping a boundary, and this is really fucking stupid of me, but I- I want to try again.” 

Yeah, the words really aren’t going to come out. He’s going to have to find some other way to tell Remus exactly how he feels. 

“If I didn’t say something I just know that I’d regret it for the rest of my life. So tell me to leave and I will. I’ll turn around and- and I’ll move country. You’ll never have to see me again-” 

He can’t say anything else, because Sirius is kissing him. 

He isn’t even sure when he made the decision to do it. It’s almost like a reflex, the first thing to come naturally to him. 

There’s not a second of regret that comes with it, though. 

Before he can even figure out where he got the idea to do that, Remus’ arms are around Sirius’ waist, pulling him closer and holding him secure, warm, safe . His lips are soft, so familiar that Sirius wants to cry. 

Actually, he is crying. 

Tears start rolling down his face as he pulls away to look at Remus. Thankfully, Remus is crying himself, and somehow also grinning like an idiot, which Sirius can genuinely say is the most beautiful sight he has ever had the privilege to behold. 

“Oh, my god, I love you, Remus. Moony, I love you so much,” he says quickly, hands reaching to cup Remus’ face. 

“So- you- do you want-?” 

“To start again? Pick up from where we left off? Anything, darling. Anything. I’ll take whatever you can give me, if it means I don’t have to try to move on. You’re not someone I can get over. I’ve tried, and I’m convinced that it’s fucking impossible,” Sirius says, making Remus laugh breathlessly and drag him back into a kiss. Not that Sirius is complaining. He would let Remus drag him anywhere. Remus is his everything. His world. 

Oh, my darling, how could I ever have let you go?

[oopwoop]

Barbie Movie W/ The Spider-verse Kids

pairings: e!42! & e!1610! Miles Morales, Hobie Brown, Pavitr Prabhakar, Gwen Stacy

warnings: none that i can think of??

BIRTHDAY POST! I saw the Barbie movie for my bday today and had to post something.. it’s been a bit since I have so sorry about that.. enjoy!

e!1610 Miles Morales

more than willing to go see it with you. was downright excited when you asked him to see it with you. when he was younger he definitely played with Barbies with his mom. and in the comics he eventually has a little sister so he totally plays with her too.

pays for everything. uses the money he’s saved up to take you on dates. he wants you to have a good time

definitely cries. doesn’t have to go through the struggles the movie represents but still sympathizes. we love him 🫶

wears pink without you even asking. it’s a movie about Barbie, of course you need to wear pink!

fav song from the movie is Journey To The Real World by Tame Impala

e!42! Miles Morales

very reluctant to see it. claims it’ll just be a movie for little kids. little did he know…

now that you convinced him to go, don’t expect him to wear pink for it. you must be pulling his leg if you think he’s going to wear any sort of pink. yeah.. you got him to wear pink.

you bet your ass he paid for every single thing though. the theatre had cute Barbie cups? he’s getting you one. omg, they have cookies? getting you as many as you want. all of it. you want it, it’s yours.

definitely teared up but refused to admit it. you ask and he’s making up a lie on the spot. yet you know he did

Barbie World by Nicki & Ice Spice ft. Aqua is his song (no one is telling me otherwise)

Pavitr Prabhakar

more excited than you fr. he’s been waiting for this moment since the movie was announced. literally bouncing off walls just waiting

came all decked on in a Barbie themed outfit, it’s not even funny. he’s totally rocking it though

making this the best date of your life fr. you both are super excited, him even more so, so he’s gonna do whatever he can to have a good time.

cried like a baby fs. not ashamed of it either. tears were streaming down his face when the movie ended, face puffy and red. no lie about it.

vibes with Speed Drive by Charli XCX (fav song from the movie)

Gwen Stacy

wanted to see Oppenheimer over Barbie. but she’s willing to see Barbie and then go see Oppenheimer. she’s excited for it, yeah, but not jumping out of her seat for it or anything.

definitely making it a barbieheimer date. she’s gonna wear a pink shirt with a leather jacket, no doubt.

i feel like she’d tear up a bit but no tears would fall. if you ask she wouldn’t deny it but would be very nonchalant about it.

idk why but i just see her much more excited and wanting to see Oppenheimer

i feel like she like Billie Eilish so probably enjoyed What Was I Made For? she teared up when it came on (honestly me too)

Hobie Brown

surprisingly but not surprisingly is the one who said y’all should go. was definitely more excited for Barbie than Oppenheimer. refuses to step foot into a showing of that.

will definitely wear pink. it may not match his whole punk ‘aesthetic’ but he doesn’t believe in consistency. “but pink is a girl color”, nope! he doesn’t listen to that load of bull. colors are just colors, plus he’s always changing colors so what’s it matter to him. he himself turns pink sometimes.

begrudgingly pays for tickets but will not pay for snacks. sneaks them in fs.

doesn’t really cry but does sympathize with what the movie portrays.

doesn’t really have a favorite, though he enjoys most of the songs. he finds I’m Just Ken by Ryan Gosling funny though.

[bbrissonn]

𝐯𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞 - 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐧 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

in which your relationship with quinn was never what you though it was, secrets being keep, one of those being you

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, this does NOT reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn't how i imagine them acting

warnings: angst, swearing, asshole quinn, not proofread

pairing: quinn hughes x gn!reader (im pretty sure)

wc: 4.5k (including lyrics)

a/n: the ending is kinda shit because i really wanted to post this before the rest of the album came out sooo yeah

GUTS series

Hate to give the satisfaction asking how you’re doing now

How’s the castle built off people you pretend to care about?

Just what you wanted

Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes

Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise

I love you truly

You gotta laugh at the stupidity

If someone would’ve asked you how to describe yourself a year ago, the words confident, independent and strong would’ve been some you used, but using them now if someone would ask you the same question wouldn't be right. You were no longer that person, the one who always had a smile on her face, one who was always kind and considerate of other’s in the room. No, that you was dead, and it was all his fault. 

When you had met Quinn almost a year ago now, he was the sweetest boy you had ever meet, his personality almost the same as yours. So it was no surprise to you that the two of you ended up hanging out as friends multiple before eventually asked you out on a date. You hesitated at first, scared to ruin your friendship, but the hockey boy was everything you dreamed of in a man, and you knew denying him would be a mistake, so you agreed. 

The two of you then started dating in January, and everything between the two of you was amazing. Sure, you guys didn’t see each other as often as you’d like, with him having practices in the morning and you working until late at night, mainly around the time his games would start. But you made it work, you saw each other at least twice a week, and when time wasn’t in your favour, facetimes were your go-to night time activities. 

But all that changed when summer started approaching, Quinn had let you know months in advance that he’s be heading home for pretty much the whole summer, excited to spend time with his family. Of course, he invited you, but you had the decline the offer, your job would never allow you to take the whole summer off. Thankfully though, you were able to switch your two weeks vacation you had taken in September, and move them to the begin of July.

When you informed your boyfriend you’d be able to join in a month after he left, a weird look creeped up on his face, making your brows furr. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, your head looking away from the TV and over to him. 

“Nothing. It’s just… we’re already a full house. You said you couldn’t come so Jack invited another friend. There’s no more bedroom.” 

“Oh, well, I though we’d just share, you know, I mean we already do.” You explained confused, it seemed pretty obvious to you that you’d be sleeping in the same bed. He was your boyfriend after all, why wouldn’t you sleep in the same bed?

“Right.” His answer was short and quick before his attention was back on the TV. “You’d have to meet my parents, and all my brothers and their friends. It’s a lot of people.” He said, almost as if he was trying to discourage you to go. You shrugged it off, thinking nothing too much of it. Quinn was a shy person, you told yourself he was probably just nervous for his two lives to meet together. 

“That’s okay, I’ll be fine.” You assured him. You didn’t worry much about meeting his brothers and their friends, especially considering the fact that you were the same age as Jack and his friends. You hoped that being the same age as them would make the whole meeting easier, something you had mentioned to your boyfriend everytime he’d talk about you having to meet his brothers, but each time, your statement never seemed to make him change his mind, always acting weird whenever you’d bring it up. 

When the older boy didn’t answer you, you grew anxious. Did he not want you to meet them? Was he too ashamed to bring you home with him? Doubt and self conscious thoughts being to fill your head and you couldn’t help but ask him about it. 

“Do you not want me to come?” You questioned him, your voice shaky and low as your eyes focused on your lap, while his shifted over to your figure. As seconds ticked by, regret overcame you, maybe you should’ve just dropped the subject instead of asking questions. 

“Of course I want you to come.” He lied, he couldn’t tell you the truth, you’d leave him if he did, and that was the last thing he needed. Well, it wasn’t a full lie, Quinn wanted you there, but not as his girlfriend, only had his friend. 

“Then why do you act so weirdly every time we talk about me meeting your family?” You pushed, you were desprated for an answer, you needed to know. 

“‘M not.” 

“But you are, Quinn! You always try and find reasons for me not to meet them. Are you ashamed of me?” You continued. The boy could feel the anger rising in him, he hadn’t signed up for this. An argument was not what he wanted when he walked into your apartment earlier that night, no he expected a silent movie night and sex, that’s the only reason he had even agreed to come over in the first place. 

“God, Y/N, you’re so delusion.” Quinn groaned, pushing himself off the couch, walking towards the front door of the apartment. You were quick on his trail, walking only feets behind him. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Home.” He mumbled, slipping his shoes on, only to find you standing in front of your door with your arms crossed over your chest. 

“No.” 

“Y/N, move.” 

“No. Answer my question, Quinn.” You told him, your voice stern. The boy only rolled his eyes before gently pushing you the side and leaving you all alone in your apartment. This was not how either of you planned this night to go. 

Looking back at it now, that night was the first sign that things were going sour in your newly formed relationship. You knew it at the time, but you refused to acknowledge it, your feelings for the boy overshadowing the red flags being waved in front of you. 

The second sign was not even a week later, the Canucks winning a big game in overtime, and obviously they all wanted to go celebrate with each other and their significant others. Of course, that meant you were invited, you always were. So to say you were confused when Quinn didn’t open the driver door of your car like he always did when you arrived at the bar was an understatement. 

“Get back in the car, Y/N.” He told you as he walked towards the entrance of the bar, only to stop when you yelled out his name. 

“What’s going on with you?” 

“Go home, I’ll find a ride home.” He said hrashly before walking in and joining his teammates at a booth, while you stayed in the freezing cold outside for a solid five minutes, confused as to what had just happened. 

The two of you hadn’t exactly cleared the air after your little argument at your place the previous week, so you just convinced yourself that he was probably still a little angry and just wanted a night alone. But deep down you knew that wasn’t the case, he had called you the next morning acting like nothing happened, and he had been acting that way ever since. 

You should’ve called it quits after that night, go back to his place and pack all your things before going home and packing all of his. But you didn’t, instead you waited until the next morning when he’d called you and act like it didn’t happen, that became his go-to thing after that, acting like you two had no problems. 

The third sign hit you like a truck. The season had ended a little while ago, the Canucks missing the playoffs, meaning Quinn was going to head home soon. He didn’t tell you when, you guess he’d probably stay a month, enjoy some time together before he left for the month and you’d join him in July. 

Only when it was almost one in the afternoon and you still hadn’t heard anything from him, you started getting worried. You went to his place after work, only to find his apartment empty, barely anything left in it. You called him, five times, three voicemails, not answer. Part of you started freaking out a little, deciding to call Pettey to see if he knew anything. You wished more than anything you hadn’t. 

The foreward informed you that the boy had left for New Jersey early in the morning, confused as to why you had asked him. You didn’t answer him, instead hanging up and trying to call Quinn once again, only to be met with the sound of his voicemail. 

It wasn’t until the next morning that your boyfriend answered you, telling you he was staying with his brothers to cheer them on during their playoff run and that he’d be heading to Michigan right after. You had never cried over a boy so much before, having to call in sick to work because of how unwell you felt. He left, no warning, no note, nothing, he just left. Little did you know, the next time you’d see him would end up becoming the worst day of your life. 

‘Cause I’ve made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should’ve known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

As you sunk your teeth into me, oh

Bloodsucker, fame fucker

Bleedin’ me dry like a goddamn vampire

A wide smile was plastered on your face as your taxi pulled up in the driveway of Quinn and Jack’s shared summer house, the July sun hitting your skin as you stepped out. After getting all your bags out of the car and paying the driver, you made your way to the front door, choosing to knock on it instead of just barging in. 

The door opened a couple of seconds later, the loud noise of music playing through the house as boy who looked your age opened the door, a confused look on his face. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Is Quinn here?” Your question made a slight chuckle come from the boy, making you a little confused. An awkward smile formed on your face as you realized maybe you had the wrong house. 

“You’re not his type, sweetheart.” The boy chuckle as he leaned against the door frame, making your brows furr. Not his type? What was this guy talking about. 

“Not his type?” 

“Yeah, he’s usually more of a skinny blond guy, at least the one last night was.” The boy explained, making your heart drop. 

“Last night?” You mumbled, hoping that he wasn’t talking about Quinn sleeping with someone else, someone who wasn’t you, who didn’t even look like you. 

“Look, I don’t how you get this address and all, but please leave.” He said before trying to close the door, only you pushed it, keeping it open. 

“I am his girlfriend.” You told him, holding up your phone in his face. Your lock screen being a photo of the two of you in bed, the side of his face pressed against yours as wide smile were present on both your faces. The smirk that was once on the boy’s face dropped, before looking back into the house. 

“I’ll got get him.” He mumbled before closing the door. A minute later, the door opened again, Quinn standing in front of you as a couple of guys were standing behind him, all of them looking at you. Just as the boy from before was about to say something, Quinn stepped outside, slamming the door behind him. 

“What’re you doing here?” He asked, his tone harsh and mean as tears started to form in your eyes. 

“Did you sleep with another girl last night?” You asked him, your voice small and shaky as your eyes stared into his. 

“Go home, Y/N.” 

“Did you?” You asked again, your voice a little louder this time, frustration building up in you as he avoided your question. 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” He said, his tone the same as before. 

“You invited me here, Quinn, you said you wanted me to be here!” 

“Well, I don’t anymore! I don’t want you here, Y/N, so go the fuck home!” He yelled, making your jaw drop slightly at his words. 

“You don’t want me here?” You asked after almost a minute of silence, your voice back to being small and shaky. Meanwhile, Quinn was staring at you with anger, rage almost. 

“Yeah. I don’t why in you’re right mind you’d still show up here when I’ve haven’t mentioned you coming here at all in a long fucking time.” He responded, his words slowly cutting your heart in half. He didn’t want you here, he didn’t want you. 

“Oh.” Was all you could say, you’re eyes now staring at the ground beneath you as tears slowly started falling from your eyes. 

“Go home, and leave me the fuck alone, Y//N.” He finished, his tone not changing. Before you even had time to say anything he had disappeared back inside the house, leaving you all alone again. 

You were sat on the steps of the front proch, waiting for a taxi to come pick you and bring you back to the airport. Where were you gonna go? You had no clue. All you knew was that you had the next two weeks off and you weren’t about to spend them in Vancouver. 

Suddenly, the boy who opened the door was sitting next to you, a small awkward smile on his face as you wiped as many tears away as you could. 

“I’m Alex.” The boy said softly, making you look over at him, trying your hardest to smile at him. 

“Y/N.” 

“‘M sorry, about before, what I said.” 

“You got nothing to be sorry about. But, the blond girl you were talking about…” You trailed off, the though of saying the words out loud making you go quiet. 

“He slept with her. She wasn’t the only one this summer.” He told you, making your heart break a little more the more he talked. In all honesty, you didn’t even know who the boy next to you was, Quinn had never mentioned an Alex, but then again you knew they probably had a weird nickname for him like they do for everyone else. The only thing you knew was that he was Jack’s friend, knowing none of Quinn’s friend were here yet. Yet this stranger you’ve known for a couple of minutes has been more open and honest about your boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend you weren’t sure at this point, had been during your whole relationship. 

“Save me the pain of knowing how many, would you?” You asked, more tears falling from your eyes. But they weren’t falling because of Quinn, no, tears were rolling down your cheeks because of yourself. How stupid you felt for no noticing how weird he had been acting, well more for just ignoring it, how you should’ve ran away from the moment he was avoiding the subject of you meeting his family and friends. You should’ve ran the moment a girl requested to dm you, warning you about Quinn’s playboy past when she saw the two of you at a bar. You should’ve ran and never look back multiple times, but you never did, your love for the boy too strong for your head to do what was right. You let your heart and emotions control your life, and it’s came back to bit you in the ass. 

“So, I am guessing you don’t wanna know that he never told us he had a girlfriend?” He knew he shouldn’t, your heart was already broken enough, but he needed too. You had travelled all the way from Vancouver for Quinn, only for your relationship to fall apart because of him. He needed you to know the truth. 

“Should I even be surprised at this point? He’s always avoided talking about me meeting any of you.” You scoffed, at the same moment, a taxi pulled up into the driveway. Thankfully, it wasn’t the same one as before, saving you the embarrassment of leaving the taxi the happiness women on earth, only to go back in the most heartbroken one. Alex helped you load your bag in the trunk of the car, silence sitting over the two of you. 

“Take care of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over that idiot.” 

“I will.”

And every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news

You called them crazy, God, I hate the way I called ‘em crazy too

You’re so convincing

How do you lie without flinching?

(How do you lie? How do you lie? How do you lie?)

Oh, what mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked up little thrill

Can’t figure out just how you do it and God knows I never will

Went for me and not her

‘Cause girls your age know better

You had decided to spend your two weeks off of work visiting your best friend in Calgary, being with her seemed like the only way Quinn wouldn’t be on your mind 24/7, and you were right. During your time there, you barely thought of the boy, your best friend being a light in your dark world, making you forget all your issues. 

Of course, that all changed the second your plane landed in Vancouver, all your memories of coming here to see Quinn after a road trip coming back to you. And it only got worst once you got to your apartment, one of Quinn’s hoodie before thing you saw when you walked in, tears immediately forming in your eyes. You couldn’t, you had already cried way too many tears over him during your relationship, you couldn’t let yourself cry some more now that he was gone. 

He made clear the state of your relationship when he sent you a simple two word text. We’re done. That was it. No sorries, or any signs that he felt bad, just we’re done. Luckily, you were already in Calgary when he texted you, meaning your best friend was there to make you feel better. But she wasn’t when he came by unannounced to pick up his things. 

It had been two months since your relationship ended, and you were doing horribly. Everything reminded you of him, and of how stupid you were for sticking around, every where you went, he was there, not physically, but in your memories. You had just came back from work when he arrived, knocking loudly on your door scaring you a little. 

When you opened the door, he just walked in, didn’t even look at you or say hi, instead heading straight for your room. He looked the same that he did in July, only his hair was a little longer now. When you joined him in your bedroom, half of his bag was already full, your drawers all opened with your clothes everywhere. 

“Are you at least gonna clean up the mess you’re making in my room?” You asked him, your voice full of anger. There was no way you were gonna let him barge in here with no warnings, then make a mess in your room, not say a single word to you, and then just leave, and if he thought so, he was dead wrong. 

“I am talking to you, Quintin!” You said louder this time, walking towards him and grabbing his bag just as he was about to put some sweatpants in it. His head flew up, giving you a death glare before finally speaking to you. 

“Give it.” 

“No.” 

“Y/N, give me my fucking bag.” He mumbled harshly, reaching out for it only for you to step back. You had the upper hand now, or at least you thought so. 

“You want your bag back? Then clean the fucking mess you made in my room, in which you came in without asking permission.” You said firmly, only making the boy scoff, his glare still present. 

“You’re fucking crazy.” 

“I could call the cops on you right now.” 

“Really? You’d call the cops on me?” 

“Yeah. Clean up, or it’s the cops you’re gonna have the deal with.” 

“You’re seriously fucking insane, Y/N.” Quinn mumbled before ripping his half packed bag out of your hands and storming out of your apartment, leaving you all alone again. Tears of anger started rolling down your face, part of you wanting to chase after him and yell, while the other wanted to just scream into your pillow and cry. You decided on neither, taking in the fact that half his belongings were still in your room. 

The next day, you quickly go into action, cleaning the mess Quinn had made the previous night, all while putting his things aside. When you were done, a pill of clothes was splattered on the floor just outside your room, and you soon joined it with a pair of scissors in your hands. One by one, you started destroying his clothes, letting out all your anger and rage on the pieces of clothing. 

He deserved it, after everything he had put you through in the last year or so, he deserved it, all of it. You showed no mercy, going crazy on the clothes you wore more often than the others, or the ones you knew held a special place in his heart, like his NTDP and Michigan hoodies. 

Next were all the gifts he had given you. It pained you, chopping off the heads of so many adorable teddy bears, but it needed to be done. Those gift were given in a way of saying ‘I love you’ but it didn’t mean anything to him. You didn’t mean anything to him. Everything single thing he had given you was destroyed, but the one that hurt the most was the ring he had gotten you for your birthday, both your initials engraved on the inside of it. Scissors weren’t enough for this, so you made your way to your kitchen, grabbing one of your big knife, doing anything and everything to bend the ring to the point where he couldn’t return it. 

Tears were falling down your cheeks as you placed the ring at the top of the box, above all the other gifts and his clothes, making sure it’d be the first he saw. It felt weird, like you were truly saying goodbye to your relationship. It was the end, after today you’d never see him again. Your boss telling you you could transfer to the compagnies office in Calgary as soon as next week, something your best friend was over the moon about. You’d never have to face the boy who completely broke and changed you, you’d never have to be in the same city as him. 

You didn’t even bother knocking on his door when you dropped off his things, instead just walking in, knowing he barely ever kept his door locked. He was sitting on his couch, a random TV show on the playing when you walked in. You heard him curse under his breath, but you didn’t pay any attention to him, instead dropping the box in the middle of his apartment. 

“I hope you rot in hell, Quintin.” You said harshly before turning around and making your way back out his home. 

“You’re a psycho you know that.” He called out, making you stop right before his door. You turned around, only to see he wasn’t on his couch anymore, now standing about five feet away from you. 

“Yeah? Then what does that make you? I hope one day you’ll feel that you’ve made me feel. That your self esteem is so low that you don’t ever want to leave your apartment. Karma’s a bitch.” You told him before opening his door and walking out. Part of you hope he’d follow you, tell you it was all a big mistake and that he still loved you, that way you’d be able to crush him, making him feel what he made you feel. But you weren’t okay with the fact that he didn’t knowing karma would eventually come back to him. 

And it did.

You said it was true love, but wouldn’t that be hard?

You can’t love anyone ‘cause that you would mean you had a heart

I tried to help you out, now I know that I can’t

‘Cause how you think’s the kind of thing I’ll never understand

A year later, you were sitting in the living room of your shared apartment with your best friend, mindlessly scrolling on your phone when an article caught your eye. Karma had done it’s thing. Barely a month after you left Vancouver, Quinn had found himself a model girlfriend, she was the complete opposite of you, but you didn’t spend any time analyzing everything difference between the two of you like you would’ve done when you first broke up. No, now you just wished nothing more than for her to break his heart. 

And she did. Barely a year into their relationship she cheated on him, publicly, meaning everyone knew about it. Quinn had grown a little famous because of his relationship, meaning almost every city he went in, people would stare at him, teenagers would giggle at him, while adults gave him looks of pity. 

You had ran into Alex during the last season, when the Kings were in town to play against Calgary, and a friendship was born. The two of you talked quite a lot, almost every single day, getting to know each other pretty quickly. The boy soon became like an older brother to you, and you became a little sister to him. 

This new friendship of yours meant if you ever wanted to, you could get updates of Quinn. Hearing that the defenseman was heartbroken over his girlfriend cheating on him brough you the most amount of join you had ever felt in the last two years. You slept amazingly that night, knowing Quinn was in his bed, his heart aching, just like yours was last summer. 

She had done to him, what he had done to you. Only, his was way worst because of the whole affair being public. To you, it felt like you had won. For months, it was him who wasn’t hurting, but now the table had turns. While you slept peacefully each night, Quinn struggled to find sleep, his mind asking himself so many questions. Did she even love him? How many other guys were there? 

One night, your words replayed in his head. Karma was a bitch.

[butternutsquashthesenutz]

RWRB hcs probably pt. 1-

•After they get married everyone (mostly June and Nora) started calling Alex princess. Like, "shut up, princess"

•Henry has read MANY fanfics and written several of his own. This includes a secret five chapter story about him and Alex that stays hidden in the depths of his computer

•I know Taylor Swift is a controversial topic in this fandom, but you cannot tell me Henry "queer historian, writer, and dramatic gay boy" would not jam out to and cry over ts songs alone in his room

•David loves cuddling with Alex, and Henry calls him a traitor, but really he finds it adorable

•Alex has definitely brought some feral animal home that he found on the street hoping to save it and raise it as a pet, and then Henry made him give it to the shelter and he cried all night

•June and Nora get a cat. That's it. They're just cat moms

•When Pez, June, and Nora are all in the same place, they are most likely gonna sleep together

•Phillip gets better and he and Henry are able to work on mending their relationship after Mary dies and neither of them have to deal with her manipulation and abuse

•Alex posts lots of thirst traps, and Henry dies every time

•Alex calls Henry lots of pet names I'm Spanish, and also just in general talks to him a lot in Spanish. Henry has very low understanding of what Alex is saying for the first couple years, but he still melts

•Henry eventually tries to learn Spanish and after a while he can carry a conversation. Oscar often makes fun of his pronunciation though

•Alex is an apple user Henry is an android user. They argue about it often

•Alex's shit got rocked when Hamilton came out. He saw it 10 times

•They continue to have a New Year's party for several years after Ellen leaves office.

•They have a daughter and a son, the son is Henry and June's biologically, and the daughter's Alex and Bea's biologically. Both are referred to as aunt though. Also they used IVF not sex, just to be clear.

•When Alex turns 35, a petition is spread around social media trying to get him to run for president. It gets double the needed signatures, but he doesn't end up running.

•Alex usually tops, but not always. Henry is usually more dominant though.

•I know in cannon Bea gets married to someone (presumably a man) but I hc that she's also gay and meets a girl whose picking her friend up from and na meeting. (Idk, I have a whole story set out for Bea's love life)

•Not really a hc, but Henry has def ridden Alex while wearing a cowboy hat

•Pez always buys the children of the super six super lavish and expensive gifts when ever he visits, and becomes the favorite of the aunts and uncles

•After their first fight once married, Alex has a huge panic attack thinking they won't make it together, but Henry calms him down and it doesn't happen again

•Zhara and Shaan have a daughter who is the scariest little girl in the world. Alex is legitimately scared to get on her bad side.

•David has his own insta account and he has many photos in little outfits

•Henry and Alex write letters to each other every time one of them has to go somewhere for work, just for old times sake

•Henry's first novel absolutely kills all the queer teens, and is basically that universe's RWRB

•Alex often steals Henry's Jaffa cakes and won't ever admit it. Henry knows, and he finds it adorable

•Ever so often Alex will get super into some new topic and do loads of research, and write essays or make presentations on it and then share it with Henry so he can teach him everything he now knows.

•Lowkey canon, but Henry's a Maurauders era fan

•He's also a Tumblr girly and has had a secret blog for years

•The super six do slideshow nights, here's an example of one of those nights: Henry: People from History You Didn't Know Where Queer, Nora: The Statistical Likelihood of Each of Us Releasing a Rap Album, Pez: Rating Everyone's Exes, Bea: The Most Embarrassing Stories About Henry I Can Think of, Alex: Hottest Politicians Around the World, June: The Most Embarrassing Stories About Alex I Can Think of (Her and Bea worked together)

•Occasionally Henry will use an American term (like saying chips when he meant crisps) and Alex will use a British term (like jumper instead of sweater), and both get very upset when it happens (whoever didn't slip up finds it hilarious)

•They joke around whenever a gossip site releases an article about their relationship, like, "oh look, I've apparently left you and headed back to England after you cheated on me" "oh, good for you, that was a rude thing for me to do"

[arsonstick]

tell me abt ur favorite oc!!!

OK!!! you migjt want to sit down for this one. also its under cut cause i accidentally made it really long sorryyyy

his name is dr. allistair mothh (hes the one ive been obsessively posting about recently) and he sucks soooooo badly </2

basically his story is. hes a general surgeon who studied alongside a "dr emoto." him and emoto grew closer and closer as they went through school together, and often danced a line between best friends and romantic partners

now mothh is the type of guy who doesn't like to not know things. hes a very organized person and it only doesnt really bother him is if it's on his terms. he'll do whatever he can to get an actual answer. so him and emotos relationship was very frustrating to him. he wanted a defined label. tbh hed probably be fine with either he just wanted an answer

anyway. after they both finished their education, mothh was offered a job by the government (mary bell radiation authority) that ran the school (mary bell university, located in mary bell township). he accepted the offer, only because he assumed emoto had both gotten and accepted the same/a similar offer. he thought they would still have time to work it out....

but! emoto didnt. and by the time mothh found out it was too late and it was already time for him to leave. womp womp

anyway. while mothh was doing his job way off in Somewhere™️ a group of arsonists burnt down the MBU, which not only educated people but held a majority of mary hell township's records.

emoto i think he stayed in mary bell township, but he died prematurely (this is still kinda up in the air. dont take my word for any of this paragraph) and his records were kept in MBU. however. due to the burning of the MBU. his records were permanently lost

mothh came back to mary bell township, only to find out that. not only did his only chance to rectify anything was gone, but his beloved university had been burnt down to the ground and almost everyone he knew had either died or moved away

so basically he comes back to loss after loss, and he doesnt really know how to take it. hes a very introverted person, and it takes a lot for him to be willing to talk about. anything really personal. much less something on this scale

so he gets stuck in the cycle of grief, getting angrier and angrier and eventually he starts twisting around his memories of emoto

he starts to think that maybe emoto hated him for still taking that job even though he knew they wouldn't be together. he starts to think that emoto held a grudge for that, and that maybe he couldn't have saved their relationship after all

this leads to him denouncing any connection with emoto (maybe. i might change that i came up with that a While ago and idk if it fits anymore)

theres more but! that is spoilers for Some People who Follow my Blog so i wont post them here <2 also theres more characters to explain for it to make sense and i. already have a wall of text here

to thank you for reading so far!! heres some Mothh Fun Facts!

hes actually based off of an album! albeit i did. add a lot to his story. the albums surgery by machinery of the human heart btw

if i had to pick 3 bands to represent him it'd be machinery of the human heart (duh), los campesinos!, and the mint chicks in that order

ive gotten two people to draw him so far <<<<2222

hes arospec allo to me... best label that fits him is cupioromantic but the way i described it is "someone whos aro but wouldnt mind being in a romantic relationship. like they would prefer other types but if push came to shove theyd do it"

a lot of people in his story are references to other songs! emotos one, as well as the whole. "mary bell" thing

the song that i think is the most himcoded (outside of any tracks off surgery) is we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Sparks tour 2023

Posting this close to a whole year after the fact, but a tour this good really takes time for me to process. My chest was constantly exploding with how much I loved it all and I have no idea how to put that into words. (I've fully come to understand why Sparks themselves stick with a lovely audience photo after every show accompanied by a massive "THANK YOU!".) However I do want to preserve my tour memories with more detail as well, so at a risk of terrible writing... here's part one of me attempting to write it all down. I went to 5 shows (Manchester, Royal Albert Hall x2, Utrecht and Brussels) and I'll be making posts for all of them. (...I am unreasonably excited to talk about the show in Brussels, but all in good time.) This first post will probably be the longest one as I will be including my first reactions to all the songs, and will equally talk about Mr. B's set in detail :) (Spoiler alert: he too was absolutely amazing and contributed considerably to how great everything was.)

Show #1: Bridgewater Hall, Manchester (may 27, 2023)

Things had not gone smoothly at all for me with the ticket sale for this show, but it worked out amazingly as the result was that @where-did-the-groove-go got to be my concert buddy which was such an honour! It was her first Sparks show and my first one of the tour and honestly, you can't do much better than to start of with a Manchester show. I had been worried about how far away our seats would be but it was a lot closer than photos of the venue had made it seem and we had an amazing view: we were in the centre of the middle of the first balcony, the seats were on a slight slope so no heads were blocking our view. Both of us had decided not to listen to the album before the show as it had only been out for a day. It was a tough decision to make, but it was absolutely the right one :D Okay, onto the show!!

Opening act: Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer

I was so excited to see Mr. B! I've known about him for years independently of Sparks and had missed out on seeing him with the Hippopotamus tour, so FINALLY I was seeing Mr. B! He came on in an amazing outfit and graced us with the opening lines of... Here Comes Bob?! I was losing my shit! We're not just being treated to Mr. B, but we're treated to Mr. B playing Sparks?! I am not normally one to enjoy Sparks covers, but I was having the time of my life! I love this guy! He then went on to play the Mr. B classic All Hail The Chap! (my sister would be jealous hehe), which I loved so much! The audience was a little slow to catch on, but eventually got there with doing their part which I was happy about. This was followed up by once again familiar notes... Amateur Hour?! MORE SPARKS?? Are you kidding me right now, what did we do to deserve this! IT WAS SO GOOD! After which it didn't end, because then he went on to play Get In The Swing (which is one of my favourite songs of all time - I was being very normal and chill about everything). It took me a moment to grasp the fact we were being treated a full-blown Sparks medley, because it didn't stop there and he just kept going with the Sparks songs. The medley lasted nearly 10 minutes and my mind was blown at many points. He included so many songs that I had only ever dreamed of hearing live. I was having THE BEST TIME. He ended the medley by loudly singing "ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS SEX!!!!". I was laughing so much, it really was the perfect medley. The next song was one of his own songs that I hadn't heard yet but it had me chuckling so much, a song called Looking Forward To Leaving that he thought might resonate with the Sparks sensibility and their fans. (All too right, sir, all too right.) He finished his set with a cover of Suburban Homeboy and I couldn't have been happier. THE Suburban Homeboy supreme covering that song, Mr.B you have all my love. Sparks had yet to hit the stage but this evening was already made. (@dinkydiamond had seen the show the night before and like a good friend who doesn't spread spoilers, had only told me that at many points she had thought about how much I was going to love it. I hadn't even thought about the fact that that statement would include Mr. B's set to such a degree!)

Mr. B's setlist

(You may enjoy listening to the medley first before knowing what songs were part of the medley, so proceed with caution. I've added asterisks to the titles of the songs within it that blew me out of my seat the most.)

Here Comes Bob

All Hail The Chap!

Medley: Amateur Hour, Get In The Swing*, Big Boy, Moustache, What Are All These Bands So Angry About?*, Strange Animal*, Mickey Mouse, I Predict, When I'm With You, Missionary Position*, All You Ever Think About Is Sex*

Looking Forward To Leaving

Suburban Homeboy

_____

The music played in the hall was SO TENSE AND DRAMATIC. You just got to love and respect Sparks for their music picks to play in the hall before the show, they really know how to set the scene and get the audience excited and anxious in equal amounts. (A few shows later we learned it was film music by Bernard Hermann, which really was such an amazing choice. I'll come back to this subject later on with a bit more info on the songs in my write-up of another show.)

The big event! ~Sparks!~

HOLY SHIT their entrance music was so exciting and beautiful!!!! Russell's outfit! GOD YEAH. It also immediately became clear this audience was going to be AMAZING, everyone was so ready to go! RON WAS WEARING JORDANS!!!! (A dream of mine to see one day!!!) To a lot of very loud cheering, Russell proceeded to do his famed "So.... Manchester, may we start?" to start things off. Still the perfect opener, and I never tire of when So May We Start kicks off and Russell does the jump. The audience response was amazing, which was really fun to see from the balcony! I was really enjoying the lights, which also were especially great to see from our balcony seats! (Also Russell gets an award for performer of the year for pretending to look at his imaginary watch while singing "it's time to start".)

I loved doing the ah-ah-ah's with the entire audience for The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte, and it was so cool to see it live! The lights were absolutely excellent. But a gif will say what I loved the most about the performance of that song a lot better than words ever could, so:

Russell was being really sweet about how playing Manchester is always really great and then added it was the "first time we play this ProPEr THeAtrE, but uh we'll try to make due anyway". (Footage of him saying this exists and it's extremely blessed.) He spoke about the new album and asked the audience which number it is. The audience incoherently shouted some things back, to which Russell's response was to roast us all by saying "Clearly you don't know."

Eaten By The Monster Of Love was a totally unexpected treat that blew my mind! It's quite possibly my favourite song from Angst In My Pants and I love the synth line so much! So lucky!!! I loved Russell's dancing during Angst In My Pants, I had really missed his dancing and with that song it's always especially excellent. Beaver O'Lindy blew my brains out! I'd not expected that at all! The lights were amazing (the spotlight for the accordion parts, the portraying of the letters, light flashing on Ron from all sides - I've got footage of this and somehow it looked especially good this night), shouting along to B-E-A-V-E-R, Russell's falsetto... What a perfect song, it's got it all :D "Yes I knooow - WOO!" When I'm With You was so special, it's so blessed that they chose to play it. It's how we all feel about them, and what's better than to sing it back at them while they're playing it for us :) It's also a song that highlights Russell's amazing voice especially well, his voice absolutely kills me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I also loved those swirly lights! And what we've gone on to affectionately refer to as "Russell's swim dance". Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is is an absolute banger and it was my favourite of the 3 singles that had already been released before the album came out - I was so ready to go :D I loved Russell's moves for this song so much! Something that really stayed with me is that he actually spun around for "Take a look around and you'll understand". (Can I love him even more?)

The time arrived for the first new song from the album that me and @where-did-the-groove-go hadn't heard yet, which Russell introduced with these words: "This is another brand new song for any of you who feel like maybe you're not on the right course." *small pause* "It's a song that's called 'It Doesn't Have To Be That Way'." ...I was simultaneously having an out of body and in of body experience and already felt teary eyed, and the song hadn't even started yet. It hit me really hard, it was so beautiful and I am so grateful that this was how I first heard this song. "It doesn't have to be that way, OKAY". I was literally holding my heart throughout the whole song (which I was doing quite often during the show anyway but, I literally couldn't do anything else). Absolutely transfixed. "I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it". Thank you so much Sparks for having our backs <3 Genuinely one of the most beautiful experiences and songs ever. (We all spoke about it for many days, for weeks, even months after the show. And obviously I am still talking about it now. I've got my full essay on it elsewhere so you'll be spared of that here - I think you all understand what I mean anyway.)

BALLS hit me in the face like a brick! (Positive. SO VERY POSITIVE.) It's one of my current absolute favourite songs and I had been raving about Balls all the time for the last year or so! I would have never expected to hear it live, AND HERE WE WERE! I was completely losing my shit!!! It was intense, banging, and also beautiful. Also the lights during the instrumental bit?! The way the light filled the hall?!! R&R were both going at it with full energy, I couldn't love it more! Balls and shouting along to it with my fist in the air was one of the absolute biggest highlights of the show for me! (And there were so many highlights.) I am pretty sure there was at least one BALLS [insert fist emoji here] aimed in my direction which I am so grateful for! It was so cool! *synced up BALLS!* Hearing one of my favourite bits of lyrics live, "Do you want to wait, or crash the gate?", was just something else. Balls is one of THE inspirational songs of all time. At least to me. (After the show 3 friends seperately came up to me and shouted BALLS! at me before saying anything else and I love you all so much, you all really know me well [teary eyed smile emoji] That was really special to me. I've made some gifs of some of my Balls footage too, most of my footage of it is rightfully feral but some of it came out well: 1, 2.)

Shopping Mall Of Love remains such a win live, Ron is appropriately intense and cool (not that Ron is ever not cool - Ron is always cool) and I love the way he performs the song. Russell did some great dancing behind Ron too, and also walked around like a badass while singing his "Come, the shopping mall of love, come with me" parts. Award winning! Also THE CLAPS. Always, THE CLAPS. And Manchester audiences know how it's done [fire emoji] Toughest Girl In Town was yet another absolutely amazing and surprising setlist choice, so cool! What I especially liked was that I could see Sarah and Amanda losing their shit to it downstairs in the stalls, dancing so hard in their seats :D That really added to it - some big Toughest Girl In Town fans down there! (I am so proud of my friends.) Also.. THE TAMBOURINE!!! [heart emoji]

The next song that was new to us was Escalator, and I loved it SO MUCH!!! It had me immediately. The driving machine type of sound, the very clear and bright sounding synth sounds, Russell's escalator dance (!!!!! which he did a lot, btw, almost the entire song), the lights! This song just *feels* amazing, the lights going up and down - hell yeah. Russell's escalator dance really is everything to me. I was holding my heart the entire time. I live in this song now, this is now my new home. You can wake me up in the middle of the night for a live performance of Escalator. Any time. (To say it was an instant favourite is an understatement.)

We Go Dancing was similarly new to us, and sadly it felt like it went over most of the audience's head a bit because obviously very few people had heard the album so far and it's a hard one for catching the lyrics live. A very intense experience but also really cool, it's a super blessed thing to be able to hear songs live before hearing it elsewhere. After hearing it I was excited to find out later what the song would have been about.

*Ron plays piano motif* OH MY GOD BON VOYAGE?! YOU WHAT?!! Russell's vocals were literally everything and I loved all the arm swaying, it was such a sweet experience and another song that so clearly shows how awesome Manchester audiences are when it comes to Sparks. I loved this so much! Russell's moves for the "two of you, two of them" bit were absolutely *chef's kiss* too :D All of this was soon followed by me gasping yet again when the first notes of Music That You Can Dance To filled the hall! My literal reaction was OH MY GOD THEY KEPT IT!!!!! *proceeds to go nuts* One of The Live Songs Ever, a song I already loved before hearing it live, and possibly my favourite live song from the tour the year prior too. (I am pretty sure I screamed quite audibly and notably on the previous tour every time they played it, and I am happy to report I still feel exactly the same.) We all know this gets everyone out of their seats, and with this being Manchester it was especially amazing. It was so great to watch everyone equally going nuts from the balcony, party of all time! Russell's mic stopped working at some point though which was sad, but it only lead to him clapping and dancing harder. So mic be damned, it was possibly even more fun and special because of it.

You know there's little point in sitting down after Music That You Can Dance To (and I don't really want to sit down after that to begin with, if at all, but I am a bit self-conscious about dancing in the balcony), so we leaned on our seats for a second while the opening notes of When Do I Get To Sing My Way were played. It obviously *really* took off again rather quickly :D Unfortunately the mic problem came back but this time it was rapidly solved and Russell got to sing almost the whole song anyway, and I can not overstate how great it was to watch this whole audience dancing.

The party continued with The Number One Song In Heaven which obviously always wins, and of course included Ron's dance - HELL YEAH. However towards the end of the song Russell's microphone stopped working YET AGAIN. He was handed another microphone, which was equally not doing anything, and so he yeeted the mic. (all too right honestly, how many broken mics are you going to hand him?! That was not ok.) Of course this really sucked, especially for Russell, but this man's a true professional and made all of this extra fun for everyone: he went at it extra hard with the clapping and dancing and no one in the audience was going to let this ruin anything either. Russell gestured for the audience to sing the lines and we *really* did our best. ([salute emoji] On it boss!) It ended up being extra special because of it and we all still had the absolute best time. But of course at the same time it was rightfully upsetting. Once Russell had a mic that worked again he expressed his disappointment in not being able to sing the end of the song, which is one of his favourite parts. (Oof tech team, bad job.)

The show went on and Ron did a false start for This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us which is always a great time, people go nuts and then the song doesn't start hahaha. This audience was so phenomenal, it was the best time. And such a party when the song did properly start! Obviously there was a really large applause after that :) Which seemed to only stop because they started playing Gee, That Was Fun. It was so beautiful and touching. And really sad because indeed, noo, we don't want this to end! The standing ovation afterwards was massive and so very love filled. From my perspective even the bouncers seemed in awe with the audience. This audience could switch from going nuts to completely silent to a loving standing ovation in an instant, depending on what was happening on stage. It really was one of the best audiences I've been part of, I loved it so much! ^^ Ron and Russell very sweetly waved before leaving the stage :)

~Encore!~

They came back to a lot of cheering to which Russell said "Thank you - THE PARTY IS NOT OVER!" and we all cheered yet again, as A Love Story started. Another new song! WOOOOHH THIS WAS HITTING HARD! I loved it so much! And the lights with the massive X's were so cool! Absolutely a highlight! When My Baby's Taking Me Home started me and @where-did-the-groove-go yelled out in unison which is still so funny to me and also, all too right, all too right!!! It doesn't matter if you've seen it live a couple of times or if it's your first time - it HITS. The audience was once again utterly amazing, really heightening the experience. (ALSO, the rainbow lights that fades to white!)

During the band introduction Ron was still clapping for the other band members when Russell went "oh yeah..." and went to stand beside Ron and did a cheesy grin, "the guy who writes much of what you've heard this evening and what you've heard on albums 1 to 26", *Ron does a Ron-cringe*, "my big brother, Ron Mael." This started a RON RON RON chant which made me so happy :D When it seemed to die down just a tiny bit, Russell interrupted and said "He says thank you." asdjhds, sir XD He also added that Manchester shows are always amazing but "this one tops them all". [insert teary eyed smile emoji] (True though, it really was one of the best shows I've been to, if not the best one!) After that, All That was such a smiley lovely performance and I did quite a bit of internal screaming with how lovely exactly it all was and had been. (When I watch footage back I can't help but say "aww" out loud quite a few times. It really was so sweet.)

Something I hadn't realised as it happened but learned about later was that they were so happy with their bow - which was so fun. I had avoided spoilers of course but I learned that there was a bit of bowing-chaos in Oxford. So in Manchester there was a 'Wahey, we nailed the bow!!' moment after bowing XD (I made a post about that, it's too good.)

MASSIVE STANDING OVATION. Russell forced the microphone on Ron, saying "Here! He hasn't spoken on the tour so it's only cos it's Manchester", as he proceeds to evily walk away. This moment was so funny to me because Russell clearly knew very well what he was doing and Ron was just standing there smiling looking at this happening, with no chance of handing the mic back. His speech was wonderful and really sweet, starting off with saying that the citizens of other cities were going to hate him for this XD The audience was so silent while he spoke and didn't start cheering until he had actually finished speaking which was real nice. Russell wanted to grab the mic back after that but Ron didn't want to let it go yet, which was another moment I really enjoyed witnessing. Ron introduced Russell as the vocalist of the band, which had Russell standing there smiling really wide, after which Russell quickly grabbed the mic back. (I love them so much hahaha.) Russell asked to take a photo with "all of you fine people" (I am normal about this) and happily bounced after the photo was taken. The applause got going again and it was just the best. Russell blew kisses to people and the amount of love in the hall was just so damn high.

It felt like they didn't want to have to leave that stage and obviously we didn't want them to leave either. Everyone was just so happy to be there. What a show. What an audience. It really was the sweetest :)

Sparks setlist

So May We Start?

The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte

Eaten By The Monster Of Love

Angst In My Pants

Beaver O'Lindy

When I'm With You

Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is

It Doesn't Have To Be That Way

Balls

Shopping Mall Of Love

The Toughest Girl In Town

Escalator

We Go Dancing

Bon Voyage

Music That You Can Dance To

When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way'

The Number One Song In Heaven (featuring Ron's dance)

This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us

Gee, That Was Fun

A Love Story

My Baby's Taking Me Home

All That

(I did not make it into the photo as I am behind Ron's head, but @where-did-the-groove-go and some other friends did make it in ^_^)

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~ Bonus: post show shenanigans ~

After the show we were hanging out with a little group of us in the entrance hall of the venue, quite a lot of our tumblr people and even some of our friends from Japan were present which was so cool! It was so very nice to see everyone, whether it was seeing again or for the first time! I went to say hello to Mr. B who was manning his own merch table to let him know how much I'd loved his set, and that covering Sparks isn't easy to do in my opinion but that he truly nailed it. He said he had been nervous about it and only had had 2 weeks to prepare. (Sir that's incredible!) He was really lovely. He said he hoped to see me again and I gave him the cringiest: "Oh, you WILL!" (With fingerguns.) (...I really am like this.)

Our little group decided to check out the artists entrance, but there were so many people there and so when Ron and Russell actually *did* come out me and another friend both instinctively hid behind a wall. (Normal behaviour. ...but we just really don't want to crowd them.) There was another round of applause, which was really lovely. I was very busy hiding behind that wall though so I am not the most reliable person to say what happened next, but Ron and Russell kept their distance and stayed for a little bit to wave and smile at people which was really lovely. When they entered their car to leave, the fans instantly parted like the sea to clear the road for the car and I love that our fandom is like that :) We all waved as they passed by, and then ...the car had to immediately stop in front of a red traffic light 5 metres away. I absolutely lost it, you just can't make this up XD (We left immediately.) It was so hard for our group to then have to split up after such a lovely evening, but attempts to sleep needed to be made and there was the journey to London the next day. (Not that we slept much at all, there was a lot to discuss and think about.) Luckily a lot of us would be going on to London so at least we'd all be seeing each other again soon :)

[ihatepeanutss]

could anyone think of steve being a hockey player dating an actress!reader who eventually becomes a singer? | modern au

eddie was the one who presented them, you had been an actress in one of her video clips and part of the cast of the photoshoot of her new album, you looked like a diva or that’s what her classmates had said when she mentioned that she knew Eddie.

“y/n? i’ve heard that she’s a diva,” Lucas replied before drinking from his cup of coffee, “but it’s just rumors”

steve met you at the release party of Eddie’s album, you remember perfectly how steve didn’t know how to get close but you did it by telling him that you had seen one of his games almost nothing.

the rest? a beautiful history, it began with an exchange of numbers, night outings between friends, night outings became reservations in restaurants and private hotels just for the two of you, private and subtle trips but not so subtle gifts.

steve’s language of love was to give gifts, there was no day where there was no small arrangement of flowers, did you have to go to another state to record a movie? it doesn’t matter, he would send his assistant to look for the flower shop closest to the recording plate to be able to send you one personally, when they were together it couldn’t be better, on his days off he would drive to you without caring if he only had to see you for two minutes.

when you finally decided to go to a hockey game on your own as a surprise I made steve, you took your big hockey shirt that had steve’s number, your hair in a tail with a bow, just as I liked steve. you had released a record have nothing, your second studio album and steve had been mostly

with your phone in hand, t-shirt with the last name “harrington” and the number 85, you were in the box that belonged exclusively to steve, one that I had bought in case someone close to him wants to go see him, you were next to Robin when they focused on you and Max was next to you wearing a cap with the steve team. the islanders of New York

“y/n! the number one fan of our star player harrington!” one of the commentators spoke through the microphone while the cameras showed you and you only showed your number and your boy’s last name with pride

steve smiled from his place and threw a disgusting and very romantic kiss while shouting “that’s my girl” making the whole damn stadium scream

when the game ended everything had your face screaming, insulting and recording every game of steve, believe me you had never felt as good as now. you quickly ended up having questions about steve in an interview

“i liked hockey, you know? just because my stepfather is from Canada and because mostly the players are... beautiful and watching them run for a disco is usually fun” you answered the interviewer with a laugh “but honestly i love watching steve play and I probably tried to stretch my schedules to see him”

The rest publicly was history, steve barely knew how to use social networks but you couldn’t help but upload a post with him, especially in your favorite way, soft launch. small details, his hand on your thigh, a subtle photo of him reading on the sofa and your reflection in the big mirror they had in their living room.

when you and steve decided to go through the most serious things in addition to daring to share wardrobe and dressing room with the most vain man you have ever met in your existence, to commit, to love each other until the end of his days and if you wanted to start a family.

steve declared himself on one knee at the sweetest, private and most special dinner of all, he had cooked himself after appearing in surprise with his suitcases and sticks telling you that they had canceled the game and you foolishly believed him. a delicate ring but important enough for you and steve, he had an oval blue sapphire and a beautiful oval diamond of 5-7 carats

[fixaidea]

Every now and then this one post crosses my dash that asks if your childhood fave or your current one would win in a fight.

And I gotta say - precious few would win against Asterix, regardless of raw strength. It’s simple comedy rules. He may not have the same level of comedy power as Bugs Bunny, but it’s close.

There are of course exceptions who could and would beat the shit out of him.

Lu Tze. Lu Tze would mop the floor with him, no question.

Granny Weatherwax. Hoooboy that one would be brutal. There’s a whole album about how none of the Gaulish warriors know how to react to a woman as an opponent and exactly none of the tactics Asterix eventually comes up with there would work on Granny, or any of the witches. By the same logic A-Ning would have a decent chance against him too.

As for all the literal gods who are my faves - sure they could probably squash him, but having a mortal just… not have any regard for them at all would put a serious damper on their egos. Also refer back to my first point about comedy rules.

[shaperaverse-brainrot]

Can you do the character ask thing for Raven?

Thank you for the ask!!!

First impression

Oh good lord. Right. Confession time. I gave myself so many spoilers as I was listening to the albums. I was scrolling the New Albion tag for months before getting into Shaperaverse looking for exclusively DoNA posts, because I was struggling to find any ones I hadn't seen before, and of course I discover the "weird narrator named Kate" had a whole backstory thing. And when I eventually listened to radio hour and had a Lloyd Allen moment of course I stalked his tag and found the Lloydven stuff.

So I kind of knew him as a fan favourite character, and was pretty excited to get to the carnival album on my listen through, to see why everyone seemed to like him so much. And. Uh. Yeah I immediately knew why. Silly clown man who was also a bit of a villain?? Absolutely sign me up.

Impression now

He's my favourite little guy to write about I love him so much. Definitely in my top three favourite Shaperaverse characters if not my absolute favourite of all time. It's really interesting to see how my perception of him has changed in the almost three years (HOW HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG) since I first listened to BotLH, but I think now it's just settled on "Fucked up human being who should probably go to therapy but is trying his very best with what he's got"

Favourite Moment

THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOON THE SHOW MUST GO OOOOON OH DAVID I AM LOSING AND WE NOT NOT WHAT WE'RE DOING BUT MY SMILE GOES NEVER WRONG

Idk if I got the lyrics right but. Honestly that bit in Raven's storytime theatre hits me like a damn truck every single time. Screaming crying doubled over in pain the vocals the vibes the everything.

Second favourite honourable mention has to be the pursuit with Sarah. Because oh. My. God. Being forced to give up your past self as you push harder and harder to save the family you have now. Aushshs

Idea for a story

I am a fanfic writer through and through how dare you make me choose between my babies-

If it counts I really want to finish my WIP on David running into William in level 5 instead of the August Sky Playhouse, and he gets to adjust in a somewhat healthy way and loosening the dam on his powers and doesn't lose his sense of self in the progress

If we're talking about ideas that aren't even wips I have an urban fantasy au where the whole Raven/David identity crisis is that he's a weird demon thing that has to unlearn a bunch of repression to like. Be able to use weird powers and not die.

And as a bonus I have to admit Fayz your Lloydven Cinderella au are some of my absolute favourite Shaperaverse fics of all time I love the way you write David/Raven in them.

Unpopular Opinion

I am. Unfortunately. So basic with most of my Shaperaverse interpretations. The only thing I can think of that relates to him at all is that I wish there was less linear time? Like the whole "Marjolein being with them for two years" and "Lloyd leavimg in a year" and, tying into Raven, him (well, Paul in the cabaret) explaining to Asha in the cabaret that Lloyd's been a doll longer than human, and later to the audience that Lloyd has been in the doll and he in the CU for a hundred years. Just... Not in my head. Nope. Time is fluid. Lloyd may have been a doll for a century but in my head he was like... Both centuries old when he died yet also only like 41. Time doesn't exist. They're immortal yet so breakable mortal at the same time. Raven was in the CU for both a week and until the universe was ripped apart by the chaostrophe. There's such an emphasis on time not making sense and then- (I'll shut up now.)

Favourite Relationship

It has to be Raven and Han Mi. I don't think much more needs to be said. If you haven't already you should check out the twitter tales wiki page and you'll fall in love with Raven and Han's relationship I promise.

Little child sleeping in my arms so soft and safe are you the only truly real I can aspire to create-

Favourite Headcanon

CANE USER RAVEN. It mentions in the podcast he takes to carrying a cane around for pizzazz but in my head he carries it around both for pizzazz and because he needs it to walk. Depending on mood and context it can be because he needed it as David and overcame internalised ableism while getting through his other issues and started using one, because he got injured by Sarah in the postie war and it was an injury that resulted in him using a cane, or simply because he gaslit himself into needing one as part of the Raven persona, starting as pizzazz and then solidifying itself as something Raven Always Used, to the point that if he doesn't have one he will struggle.

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as sour

...so i said i'd finish my work before posting another but i couldn't help it I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH. thanks for reading, y'all!

ni-ki as brutal

"they'd all be so disappointed, 'cause who am i if not exploited?"

some maknaes give me such unmistakable teenage angst energy (as i showed by choosing hueningkai for jealousy, jealousy)

&& ni-ki is not an exception imo!! he's also actually seventeen i kinda had to ✋

anyway yeah ni-ki's life is great in some ways but it also sucks in other ways, just like olivia depicts in the song

like yeah he's in a big k-pop group but also he's been through so much 🤧. this obviously does not mean that he's in any hurry to grow up, but y'all get my point (i hope)

sunghoon as 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"which lover will i get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?"

sunghoon is not the type to stay with you if he doesn't like you

but in this case, he's conflicted. (ultimately, he does not like you enough to not toy with your feelings, but alas...)

&& yeah, he might regret it soon after acting cold, but that doesn't matter because he'll act nice but do it again & possibly repeat until the end of the relationship

oh god, heartbreaker sunghoon, y'all!! it's a concept!! that i live by!! (i'm not okay.)

sunoo as deja vu

"a different girl now, but there's nothing new, i know you get déjà vu"

sunoo would totally do the same activities with multiple partners 😭

he wouldn't think it's a big deal though?? he'd associate the things with good times, not people

it would suck but there's not much you can do about it

on the CONTRARY...he'd probably be pissed about you doing the same stuff with other people

especially if the break-up was on you

he'd complain to his friends about it & they'd be on his side in either situation (so would i, sorry y'all)

heeseung as enough for you

"don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?"

this scenario is a real tragedy to imagine so i'm sorry about that 😭

just as with any relationship, if you were with heeseung, he would have to love you just as much as you do him.

&& if a relationship with him fell apart it would feel particularly bitter because there would be little warning signs along the way that you didn't think were a big deal

like the whole line about him not complimenting her makeup ✋🙄 (come on bro,, it's not that hard!!)

the real tragedy is that he didn't want more from you...he just didn't want you

anyways 🤠 like she said!! you'll find someone who does find you exciting :)

jake as happier

"i hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me"

it would be so hard to hate jake after a break-up 😭 especially if he was kind about it & took your feelings into account

even more so if it's been a while since the two of you called it quits & you should have moved on but you haven't

because tbh who would be able to?

&& seeing him with someone else would leave you conflicted because how could you possibly be upset with him? or his new partner?

so you'd kind of have to suck it up :( & hope he isn't as happy as he was with you :(

jay as favorite crime

"know that i loved you so bad, i let you treat me like that"

so this song is about partially blaming yourself after a heartbreak, because you "let" them treat you like that

getting dumped by this man would be so devastating

again, it would be slow -- even if you tried your hardest to hold on because you wanted him so badly, he would end up letting go in the end

it's such a horrible feeling. i don't wish it upon anyone.

anyways...before you know it 🚨 wee-ooo wee-ooo 🚨! ur heart is broken! 💔🚔 (sorry i just felt compelled to do that idk)

jungwon as hope ur ok

"somehow we fell out of touch, hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush"

as i said in my txt post, this album only has 11 songs, so this one is also assigned to soobin

&& tbh i have a pretty similar reason for choosing it but i think jungwon would be the one thinking about his old friends & acquaintances (rather than his friends thinking of him, which i said for soobin)

he seems to have a really kind heart, & the reason he's the leader of enhypen is because he's so caring

oh wow 🤧 got myself in my feels about him thinking of his i-land buddies 🤧 i'm gonna go now

txt version ☆ emails i can't send version ☆ masterlist

[japage3moondog]

Hi again! Can you make post-beatles!ringo and reader headcanons? I just want to hug him

hii doilies!!! so nice to hear from you again, i hope you enjoy these headcanons :)) ugh that pda one kinda contradicts with some of my past hc's but i love it so much just forget all past headcanons.

ringo's method of dealing with the breakup is busying himself with bigger projects. his next solo album, films, interviews, whatever he can do to fill the massive whole in his schedule (and his heart). you motivate him to slow down and sit with his feelings but he doesn't always want to feel the things he needs to. the time he spends with you, much like before the breakup, is often the only time he has a break. except this time it's because he won't allow himself any more.

you are very tempted to organise an intervention because you really don't want him to burn out but eventually he does come around and just settle in to a more chill lifestyle. he sets up a home studio so he doesn't need to go out as much. he does as much business from home as he possibly can.

he still loves talking to paul and george and john but he's spent so much time with them, he's a bit sick of it. sometimes he wakes up, expecting to see them sleeping in the next bed over. he loves being able to have space with them. he still calls them every now and again and has them over for dinner but he wants to some space, especially right after the breakup.

anything he can have you accompany him to, you're there by his side and if he can't, he'll do everything in his power to fight for you to be there. during his time in the band, especially early on, he didn't have the power to bring his significant other with him to events and he indulges this power frequently. especially since he doesn't have a lot of time to be one-on-one with you, he wants you by his side as much as humanly possible.

post-beatles! ringo can't really believe that he's in charge of his public image and he can have a public relationship and call the shots on his own schedule. so if you're in public he'll look around before he kisses you or hold your hand but then let go straight away out of force of habit. he's very used to being chaparoned so while he's still his flirty self, it takes him a while to break out of the 'do not be raunchy in public' and realise that it's his life now not ringo starr of the beatles' life.

unlike george who wants things quiet, ringo wants things to be very loud and never wants to slow down. that means there's always a record on when he's home, or the tv on in the background. the electricity bill is probably atrocious.

[nonsubstantial]

APRIL 2024 ART FASCINATION DIARY

This is another post about the art that I've been fascinated with this year. I make these posts monthly, so that I can look back and remember all the things that were keeping me happy and inspired! If you are reading this, then I hope it will be somewhat interesting to hear about. First, a collage of my interests this month, then there are descriptions below.

MUSIC / ALBUM I heard about Everything Harmony by The Lemon Twigs because Vinny Vinesauce liked it enough to feature it on his twitch channel four times within this last month. After checking it out, it quickly became a favorite of mine as well. It's inspired by 60's era rock bands like The Beach Boys and The Beatles, and the two brothers in charge of The Lemon Twigs were basically raised from birth to create this kind of music. They're excellent musicians, but I do have a few complaints, mainly that their band is a four person group that started as a two person group, and it shows. The musicians on their drums and backing guitar are unnoticeable most of the time, or even make their music worse when I really focus on the boring repetitive parts that they play in the mix. I think that it would improve things if we heard the other two members’ creativity shine a little more. On a different note, their lyrics also feel kind of hollow to me, sort of like facsimiles of themes that we heard out of the 60’s pop music that they’re inspired by. Maybe the brothers’ odd upbringing is what makes their lyrics feel like nothing more than dreamy imitations of other lyrics, rather than being something written from their own hearts? In any case, their vibe is really bizarre, but despite all my criticisms I did really enjoy this one album from them. (And actually, their new 2024 album is already out! It’s also fantastic, and I’ll talk about it on my May list.)

FANFIC / CREATIVE WRITING I've been working on a long fanfic for fun since last month, and every time I write a new scene for it I'm filled with a sense of creative euphoria for the rest of the day. It's not always perfect, but there's no real pressure to write something good, so it just ends up being an enjoyable outlet for my passions. Even if I never publish anything, being creative and exploring my own imagination is satisfying in itself, and I wish I had the time to do it every day! (HONESTLY, there could and should be time, if only our society actually prioritized taking breaks for mental health and personal wellbeing over making endless amounts of money and increasingly insubstantial products to be consumed by only the luckiest members of our parasitic upper class. I hate our unsympathetic workaholic capitalist culture with every fiber of my being, and wish that I could fucking end it all, but I digress...) Writing is just so fun. And I'll be working on the same projects for another few months, probably, as long as I can keep on keeping up with them.

REALITY GAME SHOW The finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 16 concluded this month, and I thought it was absolutely fantastic. Now that it’s over, we’re starting back from season 1 and we’re going to try to eventually watch it all! (We actually did finish season 1, right before posting this. It was interesting and groundbreaking in its own right, and it introduced me to Tammie Brown, who is now one of my favorite queens. Then, we started season 2 and I’m pretty sure that this is where the show’s bad reputation got its start, because I really can’t stand any of the season 2 contestants. Too bad, but we’ll keep on watching and see how it pans out anyway.) In season 16 though, there was just so much unique creativity and talent on display, and so many jaw dropping ‘holy shit’ moments, that I think it was one of the best things I have ever watched. It had the hypest final lip sync battle I ever could have imagined, and I had no idea which way it was going to end. In whole, I feel like the show was a wonderful watch, and I’m glad that our friends convinced us to give it a shot.

LIVE THEATER MUSICAL My partner and I were given a gift card to our local theater last year, so we finally used it to go see a live production of Annie! We don't live in a place where live musicals are very common, and I actually hadn’t seen any since highschool, so we had to make plans very early in the year to go watch it. And after having done so, I can say for certain that there is a unique magic to watching a live theater performance. I’m surprised that it was all performed so perfectly, even with children and a dog on stage, and remarkably, it sounded better than any recording I could find online before or after the event. It was so incredible all around that it totally transported me into a unique creative headspace. There were people of all ages there, some dressed up, some appearing more casual, but the atmosphere was delightful and jovial all around. I’m not going to comment about what was or wasn’t problematic about Annie; it’s not really that deep and you can probably figure that out on your own. But I will say that the magic of a live performance depends entirely on the energy in its room, and I was totally swept away by this experience. Without the discount, it would have been very pricey though, so I’m hoping that we can put away a little money to see a different live musical next year.

BOOK / AUDIOBOOK About a month and a half ago, I started Leo Tolstoy's epic work of historical fiction, War And Peace. I love a book that I can get completely lost in, and War and Peace is one of those books. I made it about 1/4th of the way through it this month, and even though it started slow, I’m now sure that it’s going to be an all time favorite. I read Anna Karenina years ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it, so I expected to like this one too, but there was still a sort of learning curve to overcome at the start. After over a month of engaging with it, I feel like I’ve finally gotten over its barrier to entry, and now I’m picking up the pace. Most people have heard of this book before, so let me tell you that its high-sounding title is no false advertisement. It’s a Russian slice of life book set during the Napoleonic Wars, dealing with a huge assemblage of political and philosophical conflicts, and it will have you exasperatedly crying “time is a flat circle!” as you realize that humans today have nearly the same brains and political interests that they had over 200 years ago. It is already a masterpiece, in my opinion, and I’m going to be reading this book for the entire month of May also, so that’s something to look forward to. If you’re interested in checking out an audiobook, I’m also listening to the Maude translation, narrated by Neville Jason, and I think it’s quite good! (That's it for April! But we're already a few weeks into May, so expect more Lemon Twigs and more War And Peace. Thank you for caring about me, and I hope you have a good day! ♡)

[nearestend]

muses + their music listening habits (greatest hits edition), inspired by birdie's post

alice: listening to music at every second of the day unless she is in a conversation with someone else or doing something that would interrupt it. headphones if she's on the go (possibly airpods, but i'm reluctant to say she's an apple user so it's undecided). at home, she's listening on a record player. typically prefers listening to a full album in consecutive order rather than playlists, but will occasionally go through hyperfixations and listen to something for hours on repeat until words and sounds don't make sense anymore and she can no longer grasp the concept of time passing. sticks with the classics that you already know she loves — jeff buckley (her bff), elliott smith, pj harvey, and portishead.

got lengthy with this one, as i often do with these posts. continued under the cut!

adam: similarly always listening to something as much as he possibly can. noise cancelling headphones user, likes to tune everything out. at home, he alternates between using a speaker or listening to records — it kind of just depends on what he's listening to. likes a full album, but there's a couple playlists of his, tailored to extremely specific situations or vibes or feelings (highlights include "adam's mixtape for posers", "entry level hardcore", "gay divorce", and "women screaming!!!"). listens to a lotta beastie boys, sonic youth, descendents, green day, gorilla biscuits, and t.aylor sw.ift (one of those things is not like the others).

jodie: now that i'm thinking about it, all these dudes might just be listening to music every second of their lives. anyways jodie is a wired headphones user because she loses airpods very easily. probably owns a lot of different gadgets though — bluetooth speaker, record player, cd player, cassette player, and whatever else they got out there nowadays. makes a playlist of monthly faves, but also puts her entire library on shuffle. never really sticks to one particular artist or genre, constantly changing up what she wants to vibe with. mostly sticks with punk and punk adjacent bands. will never be able to answer the question "who's your favourite artist?" (her most played artist is bad brains but she will never remember if you put her on the spot.)

philly: also never not listening to something, but will also be annoying about it and have her headphones in while you're trying to have a conversation. alternates between wired and noise cancelling, depending on the situation. will have one song she listens to on repeat for at least three weeks until it loses its lustre. similar taste to both parents, so she's got beastie boys AND jeff buckley, maybe also a bit of crawlers, blood orange, turnstile, and slothrust. she's not really genre affiliated.

anwar and jude are also greatest hits muses but i just don't care about them a whole lot right now. (sorry for saying that. i will care about them eventually, one day, but not presently.)

[fucktheark]

(some) creepypasta/marble hornets music hcs :)

these are mostly from my own playlist they aren't accurate at all this is just 4 funsies lololol

also i highly doubt anyone will even see this post but if u do drop a song rec plz im struggling finding new music </3

tim (specifically him cs masky is too busy going apeshit 4 music)

old man music but like cool old man music (this is just what my father listens to LOL)

thinks he's got peak taste and snickers at everybody else's song choices

breathe - pink floyd

pet sematary - ramones

the chain - fleetwood mac

aerials - soad

lover, you should've come over - jeff buckley

hoodie

i pulled this out of my ass tbh but imagine 80s fan brian

kinda likes lil peep but would never tell a soul cs he thinks he's too old for it

doesn't rly share his music with anyone bcs he's afraid they're not gonna clown him for it

she's in parties - bauhaus

the brightside - lil peep

the ghost in you - psychedelic furs

messages - a flock of seagulls

hotel california - the eagles (cz y not)

jane

i never rly obsessed over her so this is js based on the vibes i get from the art i've seen of her (so pretty bruh)

echolalia - faetooth

nine while nine - sisters of mercy

closet - fleshwater

engine no. 9 - deftones

frigid and spellbound - spectral wound

nina

no way totally unexpected music

i think eventually she grew out of screamo and scene but never rly let emo go entirely

acid - ghost town

get away with murder - jeffree star (yikes)

what you need - bmth

freaxx - brokencyde (she's been in love with this album since it came out)

vampires will never hurt you - mcr

jeff

i like think that after what he did to his family he just kinda checked out from earth and stopped keeping up with most pop culture, so he's still listening to the same music he did back then.

peak edgy middle schooler vibes

never tires of his playlist

every now and again he comes across something new and gets obsessed with it immediately and probably forever

yen - slipknot

makedamnsure - taking back sunday

don't go - bmth

tourniquet - marilyn manson

crewcabanger - chelsea grin

toby

I-C-P FOREVER WITH THE JUGGALOSSSSSS

still enjoys twiztid even after the beef but secretly because it makes him feel like a poser

also likes jeff buckley but feels kinda cringe for it

the stalker - icp

house of mirrors - icp

my 1st time - dark lotus

2nd hand smoke - twiztid

grace - jeff buckley

liu

same reasoning as jane i know like nothing about this dude and even less about sully so i'm not even gonna attempt .

i fw his vibe tho

eye - smashing pumpkins

the man who sold the world - nirvana

heaven - talking heads

the sickness - imminence (he's gotta be a lil emo come on)

siamese twins - the cure

eyeless jack

this one is kinda hard tbh but considering his hypersensitivity to sound, i feel like he wouldn't enjoy anything too noisy

likes songs with a lot of bass because he can feel the bass reverberating through his body when he wears headphones

soft/airy vocals!!!! he hates screaming

doesn't rly stick with a specific genre just whatever makes his ears tingle lol

a forest - the cure

dark stone - holy fawn

hide and seek #1 - plastic tree

the thing - pixies

collabo - june freedom

BEN

bitch spends so much time on the internet he discovers new music every day

listens to everything but tries to flex the really obscure shit he finds in the depths of youtube (he wants to be cool but it's kind of pathetic.)

his playlist is MASSIVE and a mess, he usually has to skip through half of it before finding something he actually likes

i don't know why but he'd be into haunted mound

plays the majora's mask soundtrack when he can't think of anything to listen to

husqrider - turnabout

fentanylism - opiated devilsperm

starting over - lsd and the search for god

gou zin zan goku - deviloof

ugliest - $uicideboy$

laughing jack

he's old af and probably doesn't get modern music tbh

classical music it is

and opera

i'm not gonna make a whole playlist but he really loves erlkönig because of the story lol