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spidercakes · 5 years ago

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SpiderCakes Masterlist

People have asked about masterlists before and I’m usually too lazy to make them but I decided I’d organize today so here goes! I’ve made the list according to the themes/ tropes of the fics I’ve written. Starker unless labeled otherwise. A lot of these are ABO and also something else but they’re labelled accordingly. Appropriate warnings are attached to each story.

The list is below the cut because its very long.

ABO

Confessions of a Slutty Omega- ABO AU in which Peter is a YouTuber and Tony watches his channel. More of a synopsis than an actual story.

Best Friend’s Kid: fic preview in which Tony is fucking his best friend’s kid.

Random ABO AU- based off this prompt: the first time Tony really holds Peter down with his entire weight as they fuck. Peter absolutely loves the loss of control.

Traditionalist Peter: older alpha Tony and young traditionst Peter in which Peter.

Another Random ABO AU: high school AU, based off this prompt: An Abo in which omegas when severally distressed emit an high pitched call that alerts their alpha.

Prep School AU: Big ‘ol pile of smut tbh.

Young Peter: based off this prompt- 16 yro omega!peter massaging tony's knot with his hands.

Bitchy Tony: fem!Omega!Tony and alpha!Peter where Tony is well known for being a real bitch to anyone who tries to court him.

Angst AU: based off this prompt: Tony is an alpha but Peter is a beta. They can’t be together as laws prevent alphas from mating with betas so they pine in silence.

Cheerleader!Peter Punk!Tony: HS AU cheerleader Peter and punk Tony, smut.

High School AU: what’s on the tin, including a little pining.

Slutty Peter AU: Peter is used to being in charge, but Tony takes over.

High School AU: fem!omega!Tony and alpha Peter.

Gossip Girl AU: Peter is surprised to find himself on a gossip blog he’s never heard of.

CNC Young Peter: 16 year old omega Peter and alpha mob boss Tony.

Married Tony: omega Tony is married unhappily to Justin Hammer and cheats with younger alpha Peter.

50′s AU: fem omega Tony and alpha Peter.

Heat Fic: Peter helps Tony through a heat.

Beauty Queen AU: beauty pageant AU with omega!Peter and alpha!Tony.

Playmate: omega Tony teaches omega Peter how to please an alpha. Intended as multichap but I have yet to write more.

Young!Peter: Tony needs to be married by 21 or he doesn’t inherit Stark Industries.

Tease Peter: best friend’s kid trope featuring Peter the tease.

High School AU: coy Peter makes Tony work for his attentions.

Intern: Tony takes an interest in his new omega intern.

Omega Run: Peter tries to outsmart the alphas only to get outsmarted by Tony.

Just The Tip

50′s AU- ABO also, based off this prompt: how about tony letting peter put just the tip in him as a reward, and they both like it so much they go all the way.

Young Peter- based off this prompt: Mmmm how about horny 16 yo Peter using the “just the tip” argument to convince guilty!Tony.

Late Bloomer Peter- based off this prompt: Omega!Peter is a very late bloomer. Neither he nor Tony realize Peter’s going into heat until it’s too late.

Just the Tip: ABO AU, dubcon, the one that started my fascination with this trope.

Teacher Student: This fit into like four categories on here but I put it here. Just the top with teacher Tony and student Peter.

Bratty Peter: ABO AU, based off this prompt: maybe Peter is being a brat and says he wants to ride Tony but Peter teases him by only putting the tip in.

Half Asleep Peter: ABO AU, based off this prompt: Peter is half-asleep and Tony comes home late from work, Peter tells him he’s tired. Smut ensues.

Fic Ideas (feel free to adopt any of these!)

ABO fic Idea- Meant to be long form, may never get to.

Whatever this is- WinterIronSpider, mentions of incest.

Prep School Idea- definitely starker, more than likely would have included a lot of smut and drug use lol.

Bodyguard AU: half crack half serious.

WinterIronSpider: ABO WinterIronSpider idea.

Urban Fantasy AU: vampire!Peter and incubus!Tony.

Funky BDSM YouTube AU: Tony and Peter do BDSM demonstrations and occasionally themed episodes where they try to use holiday objects as like BDSM equipment.

Royal AU: Tony loves Peter, shouldn’t because blacksmiths can’t love princes.

Naive Peter: young very naive omega Peter who gets fucked by older alpha Tony.

Mob AU: Peter gets involved with Tony after he gets in over his head with Quentin.

Random AU: Peter has had a crush on Tony ever since May started working for the Starks.

Actor AU

Karma Got is Kiss for Me

Age Difference: fic snippet in which Peter, looking for a little adventure, runs into Tony.

Mob AU

Angelic Peter: ABO, based off this prompt: angelic little omega peter who mob boss or biker tony takes a liking to.

More Bratty Peter: based off this prompt: You can’t lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset.

Kidnapping AU: Tony deliberately kidnaps Peter because he has no patience for domestic violence and is basically offended that Beck sucks.

Smol Omega Peter: ABO AU featuring jailbait Peter.

Prequel to Smol Omega Peter: How they met in the above fic.

Shifter AU: based off this prompt: shifter au where everyone has a designated animal as well as abo.

Heir to The Mob: high school ABO AU featuring Tony as heir to the mob boss throne.

Barely Legal!Peter: ABO featuring mob boss Tony with barely legal! Peter.

Kidnapped!Peter: Peter gets kidnapped, Tony does something about it.

Mob Boss Peter: ABO Peter sleeps with Tony to intentionally fuck with mob boss Steve, whom Tony is married to.

Kept!Peter: Tony finds Peter in trouble and saves him, then chooses to pamper the hell out of him.

Stripper!Peter: mob boss Tony favors Peter when he visits the club.

Bratty Peter: Tony has to leave to take care of some things, Peter doesn’t care for that and reacts badly.

Mob Boss Peter: mob boss Peter featuring subby Tony who adores him.

Baker!Peter: Tony stark is a well known mob boss and he meets and falls in love with Baker! Peter.

Figure Skater Peter: mob boss Tony takes a liking to figure skater Peter, marriage to Quentin Beck be damned.

Harassed!Peter: mob boss Tony sees Peter being harassed and steps in.

Soulmates: mob boss Tony didn’t think he had a soulmate.

Superior Iron Man

Merperson Peter: based off this prompt: Tony takes down a rival corporation and discovers a hidden aquarium where they have captive merman!Peter.

Manipulative!Peter: based off this prompt: SIM being manipulated by an evil and/or mischievous Peter?

SIM AU: SIM!Tony manipulates MCU!Peter into coming home to his dimension with him.

Kidnapped Peter: based off this prompt: SIM had kidnapped Peter from the MCU dimension to replace his Peter that was murdered- SIM uses Extremis to wipe Peter’s memories.

WinterIronSpider

Pre WIS AU- based off this prompt: Peter and Tony love each other but Peter is worried about his super strength when they fuck so Bucky steps in.

High!Peter AU: WinterIronSpider high!Peter and soft Dom Tony AU feat. Bucky, the Added Element.

CNC Fic Preview: badboy type Tony and cheerleader! Peter with a splash of Bucky in there too. Incomplete.

Taboo

Stepbrothers AU: ABO featuring jealous Tony and a dash of winterspider.

Sequel to Stepbrothers AU: more jealous Tony and a dash of spidershield.

Another Stepbrother AU: WinterIronSpider- Alpha Tony shares his omega step brother Peter with alpha Bucky.

Age Difference: based off this prompt- Peter at a picnic with Tony, Peter in little daisy dukes or something similar and summery while eating watermelon.

Non-Con Politician AU: based off this prompt- Tony comes across something shameful the young, up and coming, idealistic politician peter parker has done in the past, and holds it over his head.

Teacher/Student

Tease!Peter: based off this prompt: Peter’s flirting not so subtly and tony ignores it until peter shows up in a short skirt and he can’t take it anymore.

Established Relationship: Peter and Tony discuss the future. D/s elements, smut.

Bathroom Fun: pure smut.

BDSM

Across The Stars: WIP, Peter takes a job as Tony’s sub to pay Ben’s medical bills after he's shot and falls into a coma. I’m only tagging this one as it links to all the other chapters.

Dom!Peter: 5 part series in which omega Peter learns he has a thing for domination and alpha Tony learns he has a thing for submission. Incomplete.

Teacher/Student AU: based off this prompt: Teacher/student (maybe an established relationship) with a whole lot of teasing. Dom Peter.

Dom!Peter: based off this prompt: Tony’s had a really long and horrible week at work and just wants to be good?

Sub!Tony: Peter accidentally becomes Tony’s Dom.

Edging: Tony edges Peter within an inch of his life.

Dom!Peter: Tony meets Peter in a club.

Drabble: Dom Peter and subby Tony.

Met Online: wherein Peter and Tony met online and decided to recreate a fantasy or two.

Miscellaneous

Trans!Tony AU- exactly what it says on the tin, smut.

High School AU: Exactly what’s on the tin, with smut/ fem Peter.

Serial Killer AU: exactly what’s on the tin.

Exhibitionist!Peter: Tony isn’t looking forward to his trip home because he knows he’s just going to be compared to his brother Steve the whole time. Peter helps.

So Sorry, Mr. Stark: Rumor has it Tony hates being called ‘Mr. Stark’ but that’s not the real reason he doesn’t want anyone calling him that.

5+1 honeymoon AU- based on this prompt: 5+1 honeymoon in which they stop their honeymoon five times to save the world and one time that they do not.

Acolyte Peter: Tony needs a replacement for Pepper and she suggests Peter.

Sensitive!Peter: based off this prompt: Peter trying to top but he's too sensitive so he either has to stop or ends up finishing too fast.

Rock Star Tony AU: exactly what's on the tin with a moodboard.

Wedding Fluff: exactly what it says on the tin.

Crack AU: Peter and Tony have been in an on again off again relationship since high school and they both happen to be in town for the same event.

Rabbi’s Nephew Peter: literally exactly what’s on the tin, preslash.

Spoiled Peter: exactly what’s on the tin.

WingFic: based off this prompt: a wing fic/soulmate AU where when you meet your mate, your wing colours combine so that you get your mates colours on your secondary feathers.

Zoom AU: Peter introduces his class to all his pets with funky names.

Vacation AU: Peter, Ned, and Liz all vacation in Italy before going off to college.

Bratty Peter: based on this prompt: bratty!Peter possibly with an over accommodating Tony?- in which Peter mostly only pretends to be a spoiled brat.

Diety!Peter: Tony is chosen as that years sacrifice to his village’s god by priest!Howard.

Urban Fantasy AU: urban fantasy starker AU featuring vampire!Tony.

Possessed!Peter: crack AU- Tony possessed Peter, Peter forces him to deal with the consequences.

Sex Slave AU: Headcanons around what this would look like.

Witch!Tony Familiar!Peter: Exactly what’s on the tin.

Sequel to Witch!Tony Familiar!Peter: Tony want to propose.

Camping!AU: Tony fucks Peter against a tree.

Prompt!Fic: Peter teases Tony.

Umbrella Sharing: exactly what’s on the tin. Fluff.

Possessive!Tony: Peter teases possessive Tony and it goes in his favor.

Snowball Fight: Peter hits Tony with a snowball by accident and that’s how they meet.

Pop Star!Peter Rock Legend!Tony: exactly what it says on the tin.

Media: media outlets have a heyday with Tony’s new relationship with 22 year old Peter.

Dumped!Peter: Tony comforts Peter after he gets dumped.

Cat Burglar Peter: based off prompt: Peter is a famous cat burglar and Tony is a police officer trying to catch him.

College AU: fluff mostly.

High School AU: 3 part series in which punk Tony gets with seemingly innocent Peter. The last part is linked, but all three parts are attached to the third.

Sleepy Starker: fluff piece that’s exactly what’s on the tin.

Soulmates: you don’t see in color until you meet your soulmate.

Random AU: Peter is upset that Tony never seems to mention him on social media.

Non Powered AU: Peter’s friends are really confused on what his new job is.

Moodboards

Serial Killer!Peter Detective!Tony

A Star Is Born

Kept!Peter Mob Boss!Tony

#starker #tony stark x peter parker #starker fanfiction #starker masterlist #winterironspider #masterlist

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Surveys #447-448

(one from yesterday, one from v early this morning)

How did you and the last person you kissed start talking? By both being meerkat RPers on YT back in the day. Do you think someone is falling in love with you? Definitely not. Do you have a bad temper? Nah. What was the last song you listened to? SOBS "Suteki Da Ne" from FFX. If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? Hell yeah. She actually has been my substitute teacher before, as she worked at my elementary school with the special ed kids. Are you comfortable with people going through your phone? No. I have nothing to hide on there at all, but still... I just don't like it. Do you really care about what toothpaste you use? So long as it's mint-flavored, no, I don't care. Would you like it if the whole world spoke one language? I mean, I think it's pretty inarguable that that would be a beneficial thing. For all humans to understand each other, like in dire situations where information needs to be brought across. However, I don't believe we should actually try to change that now with so many languages already developed. That would be way, way too big a task and not that important. Would mind-reading really be a blessing or a curse? I'd find it more to be a curse. Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? Nah. They just don't interest me as pets. Do you tend to daydream a lot? If so, about what? Yeah. .-. About a lot of stuff... How I want my future to be, things I wish would happen, how I'd change past errors... What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? I would 110% model for Cloak if for whatever miraculous reason they wanted me to because a bitch supports her favorite human asdkfajkwle. I'd totally do some goth modelling for Rebel's Market, too. Do you actually read your friend’s surveys, or do you just copy and paste them and fill them out yourself? I read my friends' answers, yes. I like learning obscure things about them. Which is your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? Bar none, the "Vitameatavegamin" one. It's fucking hilarious, man. I love that show. Do you consider yourself a deep thinker? WAY too deep. Name two people who you are closest with? My mom and Sara. Which one of those two people would you eat first, if you were starving? Neither. I would absolutely rather die. No one cares whether or not you believe in love at first sight… but, do you believe in hate at first sight? Well, let's be real. If you witnessed someone being abused or raped or something like that, wouldn't YOU hate the villain immediately? I sure as hell would. When you were a kid, which comic strip was your favorite? I didn't care for those. How do you feel about fake plants? They can look good, they can look tacky, and they make great additions to some animal enclosures, like reptiles and bugs, for cover and new textures. Does it make you uncomfortable when people ask you your shoe size? Er, no? Would you feel guilty about cheating on your taxes if you got away with it? Yes. I tend to have a guilty conscience. Are you happy with your weight? NO. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? No. When I was forced to go as a kid, I never paid attention. As a very young adult when I super rarely went, I would try to, but my attention definitely wavered. Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Tongue, if it just didn't damage my damn teeth. :( I miss my snake eyes. Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? It's very embarrassing, but yes. A few years ago, I had this very strange period of premature incontinence when I slept. I had to be put on some medication and a schedule to wake up in the night to use the bathroom. It oddly just... vanished as randomly as it started. Had any surgeries? What kind? I had tubes put in my ears as a baby, and then at the start of 2017 (I think), I had to have a cyst removed from my butt. :^) Ever told your parents you hated them? I've told Dad that, yes. Are you sober? Yeah. Do you have a crazy side? Not really, no. I'm boring. Do you have siblings over the age of 18? All of my siblings are. Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral? Yes, and yet... I do it anyway. :x Have you ever sworn at a policeman/woman/cop? No. How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father? I Don't agree with that. Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant? If they were old enough to make their own decisions, I'd have no say. But as a little kid, no. I do not support those damn things. What was your favorite Pokemon as a child? Charmander! :') Do you have a favorite name? What is it? Alessandra. It's so beautiful. What was the topic of the last assignment/essay you wrote? Toxic masculinity. I got SO into that essay. What’s your favorite type of juice? Probably peach mango. What was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? LATIN. Like holy shit. What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole. What kind of cookie is your favorite? Chocolate chip. What would you do if your ex contacted you? I would just be... so happy. But also scared of where it would lead. What age would you like to have a child? No age, because I never want any. Are your parents wealthy? Definitely not. My dad SEEMS decently well-off, but he is most certainly not rich. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Your ex tells you they want you back, what do you say/do? I know I'd say yes, very quickly. -_- Do you know anyone that smokes weed? More like she's addicted to it. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Oh, that's Mark for sure, ha ha. Especially if he's laughing. It's game over for me if he's laughing. What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Don't even fucking @ me, I love the emo hair swoop alskdfjalkwje;kjrwklejarwe Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? Roman. What have you been up to today? Anything interesting? The only thing I've done today that deviates from my normal routine is I had to get blood drawn for some tests for my upcoming check-up. I don't know what was up with that needle, but it hurt this time. Are you the type of person to dwell on the past? I live there. Did your grandparents teach you anything? Not really, no... besides being old-fashioned is not an excuse for being an uptight... er... this answer is so mean, given the grandmother I'm talking about is dead, oof. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? I wanted one... but I don't have one and never will. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're mega cute. Who do you think about most constantly? Why? Anyone who reads these can answer that very, very easily. Have you ever considered yourself to be something other than heterosexual? Yeah; I'm either bi or pan. I think pansexual as of very recently, but for simplicity's sake and also for almost all of my family to not think I'm crazy, I really just say bisexual. Have you ever been in love? With who? Yes; Jason and Sara. Dolphins, whales, sharks, or narwhals? Dolphins or whales. Have you ever gotten anything amputated? No. Have you ever tied your tooth to a door to lose it? No. What do you do on the computer? Oh jeez... I'm pretty much, well, always on the computer, so I do a whole lot. I watch/listen to YouTube, write, clean out my dA notifications and browse artwork, scroll through Facebook, play World of Warcraft, edit the Silent Hill wiki, do way too many surveys, talk to Sara on Discord... Anything your parents should know about? No. Do you have a life? It sure as hell doesn't feel like it. I do nothing noteworthy. Do you have a microphone on your computer? It's built-in, but it doesn't work. Does your mouse light up? Yeah; red normally, blue when it's charging. Then it's also purple sometimes??? I have no idea what it means. Were you ever physically abused? No. Verbally? No. Sexually? No. Do your teachers like you? Not to brag or anything, but all my teachers loved me. Do your parents like you? I know they love me. Do your siblings like you? I don't feel like they do half the time. :/ It's my own fault for not knowing how the fuck to interact with them. Did you have a tail when you were born? At first I saw this question and was confused as shit, but then I remembered this was actually a thing, ha ha. But no, I wasn't. Do you enjoy school? I hated it. Are you shallow? No. Greedy? I don't think so, no. It feels good to share. Do you have a piercing in an inappropriate spot on your body? No. A tattoo? Well, I have a tattoo over my heart, so it's on my breast, if you wanna count that? Are you stubborn? God, am I. Are you incestuous? Fuck no. Do you respect your body? Meh... Yes in some ways, in other ways no. Have you ever been to therapy? Did you like it? I've been in therapy for most of my life, and yes, I find it helpful. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? No. Are you unhappy at the moment? Yes. I usually am. Do you have any gay friends? Yes. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I used to enjoy it. Who’s your favorite Disney character? Probably Dory. What was the last thing you wrote in a word document? This survey, actually. It's how I format it and save my progress. What did you last take painkillers for? A headache. Are there any hobbies you want to get back into? Drawing. :/ Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? Yeah; when Sara and I were together and I went up to visit her, we had a breakfast date once. :') Do you find it difficult to get rid of material possessions? Yeah. I hold a lot of nostalgia in many items. What sort of games do you like to play? Horror and fantasy, mainly. They need a story, too, and I ESPECIALLY enjoy games with multiple endings. Then I also play WoW, which is an MMORPG. Do you know anyone who is deaf? No. Have you ever been married? Nope. What is your favorite thing to dip fries in? Ketchup. Do you still talk to anyone you went to high school with? Just Girt, really. Have you ever had to dispute a charge on your credit card? I've never had my own credit card. Quick! Choose pink or purple. Pink, duh. What's your favorite book genre? Fantasy. Would you say you’re generally fit and healthy? Why/why not? No. :/ I'm trying to change that though by going to the gym. Would you ever want a job working with animals? My main aspiration is to be a wildlife photographer, if that counts? Sara also wants to be a ball python breeder, and we talk all the time about it and how I'd love to be like an assistant and help with my own future snakes. Most recently, I will definitely have to have experience with them as pets first and see if I can handle it, but I've considered breeding tarantulas on the side. The hobby could ALWAYS use more breeders to prevent wild-caught specimens being taken from the wild, and it would help lower their prices. I've gotten so passionate about those furry bastards that I would really enjoy helping out with that. Do you believe in your horoscope? Even if you don’t, do you still read it? Not at all. I don't, because it feels like a waste of time if I don't even believe in it. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No... I am firmly against cheating, but that sounds extreme. Do you enjoy Tim Burton films? Which one is your favorite? Of course! My favorite is Corpse Bride.

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Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush(es) assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? No, honestly. He really doesn't like seeing people not pursuing their utmost potential, and, uhhhh, look at me, lol. I'm in no way good enough for that god of a human being lmao. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I still have them. I only have two, and my mouth has enough room for them. Do you wish you were taller or shorter? My height's fine. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Food Lion. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I quit way too early for that to ever happen. .-. What poster is hanging closest to you? My big Metallica one. Which cuisine do you like the least? I honestly haven't experimented enough with foreign foods to decide on one specific cuisine I really don't like as a whole. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? There are A LOT. I am very, very sensitive to textures. Which type of chocolate do you like best? Milk chocolate. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Absolutely. Well, obviously not my snake Venus, but Roman? Yes. This is his house, too, and he deserves a comfy space to sleep. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? I don't have one. Have you ever made sun tea? I have no idea what that is. Do you prefer powdered or liquid coffee creamer? I don't like coffee. Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes. Do you think they should make a movie about Hatshepsut? Now here's a question I haven't heard before, ha ha. I actually think that would be quite interesting and certainly empowering to women. Do you like to go to the movies alone? I actually did that for the Warcraft movie, and it was pretty chill. I prefer going with others, though. Have you ever dried down any flowers to keep them? No. What is your favorite thing that you have made by yourself? Probably my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun drawing. I worked my ass off on that, and I love how it came out. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I don't use those specifically, no. Have you ever made a pillow out of an old T-shirt? No. If you want to be cremated, do you want your ashes scattered anywhere? I haven't really thought of this, but I know I want them to be scattered somewhere. I don't wanna be cremated and have no lineage to cherish the ashes so I just end up thrown away or scattered in someone's backyard or something like that. I guess the desert would be pretty cool, if it was one with meerkats. Would you ever have a deceased pet stuffed? No. I have mixed feelings on taxidermy, but doing that to your pet just... seems wrong somehow. Like I feel that there'd be an unhealthy attachment to a dead body, and it feels like you're not allowing your beloved pet to truly, fully rest. Even if there is nothing beyond death, it's just a respect thing to me. Would you ever have a pet cremated? Teddy was cremated, yes. I WANTED to cremate my first ball python and Chinese water dragon, and both were in the freezer for a long time, but it just... never happened. It's not cheap. Mom also had Cali (her dog) cremated, but didn't keep the ashes herself because of it, once again, being expensive. Personal cremation costs more than a group one. Do you believe in the existence of parallel universes? Nah. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Collect anything? Any and all meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merchandise. Can you stick your fist in your mouth? ... I'm not about to try that. When was the last time you were high on anything? Never. Ever had a bloody nose? Yes. Have you ever caught a fish? Yes. Ever been up a mountain? Ugh, I wish! What are you listening to right now? I'm watching Gab Smolders play Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Do you have any birthmarks? Yeah; it's on my right forearm, near the elbow. Have you ever been slapped? I've been spanked and slapped on the arm by my mother when I was younger. And sometimes not so young. What do you want pierced? My collarbones, nostril, way more in my ears, and possibly my back dimples if I shrink down to a size where you can actually SEE them clearly... Do you like taking pictures? Of nature and animals. Sometimes people. Do you like getting your picture taken? Hell no. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Do you have your own pool? No. What do you want a tattoo of? You're asking someone who wants to be COVERED in tats, ha ha. I have a billion ideas. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Nah. Have you ever been chased by cops? No. Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? OH FUCK NO. What about cleavage? I wear tank tops more than anything, so some. What theme does your room have? It doesn't have one. Do you like cows? Awwww, I love cows. :') <3 Which slow animal is your favorite? Sloth, turtle, or snail? Turtles aren't that slow; it's tortoises you're thinking about, so I'll consider them instead. Regardless, I think I find snails the cutest. If you had to create an app, what would it be for? I have zero clue. What is one television finale where you were upset with how it ended? I don't know. Other than mandatory lockdowns, have you had to quarantine at all for CoVid? No. What steps would you take in order to track down a thief? ... Not many, tbh, given JUST how afraid of confrontation I am, ha ha. What is something that one of your family member collects? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes sports stuff. What are some questions that you would ask your favorite celebrity? I've... never thought of this, believe it or not. I'd be too busy blubbering about how important he is to me and thanking him for everything he's ever done alskdjfkla;wje Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes. That was very, very rare, though. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? If there was a 1% chance of half an inch of snow. :^) Everyone flips their shit here when that happens. Also, hurricanes. What types of transportation do you think we will see in the future? Besides possibly flying cars, idk. Which freaks you out more - clowns or porcelain dolls? aklsdjflajdsALSKDFJA;LWJE D O L L S. Porcelain dolls creep me out, man. Do you like salami? Yeah. Do you know your mum's first pet's name? I actually don't, no. Do you like car racing? No. I think it's stupid, honestly. People can get and have gotten seriously hurt, or worse. Who hugs you the most often? My niece and nephew, probably. Has your favorite actor ever been stuck to a project you dreaded watching (e.g., stuck on a bad TV show for years)? No. When you were a child did you wish you were named something else? What sort of fantasy life did you imagine for yourself if you’d only had this other better name? Bro I shit you not, I wanted to change my name to "Dory" because of Finding Nemo, lmao. I never thought about how my life would be different, though. Are you a plant person? How do you feel about the trend of owning many, many houseplants? Nah, plant maintenance isn't for me. I don't care how many plants you own so long as you care for them. It seems pointless to buy plants and just neglect them. What are you sick of hearing about? Anti-vax bullshit. Do you wish that you had more followers on any platform? Do you even pay attention to how many likes/comments/followers you have? The only places I really care about that are my photography Facebook page and deviantART because ffs I TRY to make progress as a photographer lasdkfj;lawe but neither move very fast at all. Are you currently working on an art project? No. :/ I need to draw something for once. If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? I have three in mind: lilac, pastel pink, or silver. Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? No. My older and younger sister look remarkably similar, though. People have confused them a lot. Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? God no, I'd feel far too awkward. Do you believe you have a lot of potential? Ugh, I don't know, dude. Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? Who wouldn't? Have you ever walked through a labyrinth? No. What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? Black. I only wear black. Do you shop in the girls, juniors, or women's section at the store? Women's. Do you play video games? I haven't played a game other than WoW in a long time. :/ I only have a PS2 and Wii, and most of the games I want to play are for newer generation consoles. Is your house more than two stories tall? It's not even two stories. Have you ever had the flu? No. *knocks on wood* Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope. Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No. I want tons of tats, but that sure isn't one of 'em. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. I'm one of those people that wants to eat right when I wake up. What four states in the USA would you most like to visit? Which four countries would you most like to visit? States: Alaska, Utah, Wyoming, and some southwestern state where I can visit the desert and maybe see wild tarantulas. Countries: South Africa, Germany, Canada, and uhhhh idk. Would it bother you if your boyfriend hugged other females (think hypothetically if you don’t have one)? Why or why not? No? Hugs can just be a friendly gesture. They don't have to have underlying romantic implications. If you had snow-days as a kid, how did you spend them? Do you like the snow, in general? Oh man, snowy days were the epitome of joy when I was a kid. The #1 thing I wanted to do was make a snowman with Dad and my sisters if the snow was the right texture to pack. We loved snowball fights, making snow angels, watching the cats play... and you CAN'T forget making sugary snow cream. Do you know anyone who does hard drugs? Would you ever befriend someone that did? No one that does hard drugs now, no. I honestly don't know how I'd respond to wanting to befriend a hardcore druggie... Like I'm totally aware drug addicts are not innately bad people, but it can be dangerous to associate with them. So idk. Do hospitals make you nervous? Why or why not? Do you have any bad hospital experiences? Yes. I do NOT like being in hospitals. I've never been treated badly in one or anything, but I just have way, way too many ER memories from being suicidal and just stripped of everything that could somehow be interpreted as a "danger." Even books had to be approved. Technology of all kinds, forbidden. All I did was sleep on that godawful bed and wish I was dead. But I'm rambling; point is, I really don't like any health care establishment just because of negative memories. Do you still talk to the first person you ever dated? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? No. We just don't. I wouldn't be opposed to knowing what he's up to. What do you like most about your favorite animal? Their loyalty and bravery are purely astonishing. Do you need a job? Yes. I'm a leech in my house. I serve no financial purpose to assist my mom in paying bills and all of that. I'm a full-grown adult that should be benefiting humanity. Who do you love the most in your life? My mom, cat, and best friend probably top the list. What is your mom doing right now? I hope she's asleep, but she tends to sleep very badly and is frequently tossing and turning around this time. Where does she work? She's on disability. For the type of cancer she had, she automatically got it with her diagnosis. It's recently been a year since her last chemo session, but let me tell you from witnessing it: It takes A LOT out of you. It was actually torturous for her. She's still regaining her strength and healing before she can wisely get another job. Do you have Netflix? Yeah. What was the last thing you quit doing? I don't know. Have you ever read a book that changed your life? No. Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Sara, if through text counts. Have you ever taken Xanax before? Yes; I was prescribed it for quite a while. Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? Try both, buddy.

#survey #surveys #random questions

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sarahisslytherin · 3 years ago

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Hi!!! Can I have a 𝘆𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘄 in HP please? (Preferably male) Thanks in advance ❤️

I'm 19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, ENFJ-A/ENFJ-T, Neutral Good, Ravenclaw, and a Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using the pronouns She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing religious woman that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm very complex...My personality is a mixture of Aerith from FF7, Rinoa from FFVIII, Yuna from FFX, Padmé from Star Wars, Umaru from Himouto! Umaru-Chan, Itachi from Naruto, Shinobu/Mitsuri from Demon Slayer, Oikawa/Kageyama from Haikyuu!!, and Momo/Ochako from BNHA. I also coincindentally radiate the common traits of a Libra together with my mbti, and the cinnamon meme "𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂". I also have this 𝗕𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲/𝗗𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲/𝗞𝘂𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲 vibes if I'm an anime character, I laugh loudly on a daily basis, speak with nerdiness (in an entertaining way) or sarcasms, cites some meme references and unashamed of being true to myself in any aspects. But my deeper self is a hella fragile, doubtful, frustrated, insecure and hopeless romantic, pushing too much to please everyone because of my fear of failure that might dissapoint them from their expectations, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever though it's a slow burn process.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic, clumsy, indecisive, feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will act like a silent backstabber on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to pull off corniest jokes/puns, and banter or make pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), still generous and concerned in a subtle way, and will be your no. 1 supporter.

Loves kittens, eating a lot, cartoons, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and writings, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well. My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇𝖼𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾 making corniest jokes/puns, 𝗌𝗅𝖾𝖾𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗀, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also have a habit of staying up all night and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness or just to give thanks in some complicated situations. I hate stereotyping, huge creepy crawlies, poorly written soap operas, toxicity, loneliness, being left out, heart breaks, and blackout. My pet peeves is forcing me to do what I'm not into.

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader). Currently an incoming college freshman, learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

ok took me a hot second to pick somebody but i think i've decided on fred weasley because i think he would be so into all of your interests, like he'd love listening to your music with you, you two would probably live in his shop screwing around with all the stuff they have. i also feel like he would so enjoy the whole "looks like a cinnamon roll but actually kill you" aspect of you lmao

#that's just my take #you seem so interesting btw like holy hell

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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Girl I Met On The Internet, 6/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: and it’s a wrap! for now anyway bc i totally dont have a fic coming based on the good news nicky had for jaida! i just want to say thank you to every single person who read, liked and reblogged this story. it means so much to me, i’m so glad people enjoyed the strange idea that came into my brain. <3 (also! i wanted to let you guys know that i’m planning on posting this fic on ao3 as well, probably after this chapter is posted on here. my username on there is drivingmecrazy !!)

crystal: does everyone’s spring break start this weekend too?? anyone doing anything??

jan!: mine does! i’m staying home all week, jackie is leaving me :(

nicky: my spring break isn’t until late april!! wtf :(

heidi: ha loser

heidi: i’m going to play animal crossing all weekend i can’t wait

Jackie: I’m going to Canada to visit family on Sunday. Jan, if you want we can hang out on Saturday if you’re going to miss me that much. :P

nicky: i’ll hang out with you jackie

jan: i hate you nicky

jaida: i have a pageant next week!!

jan!: yaas gorg

nicky: bring home the crown!

crystal: GO JAIDA!

nicky: also jaida call me. i have good news for you :)

gigi: crystal you already know what’s going down

crystal: do i now?

gigi: GOOD LUCK JAIDA!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OUR WINNER

Crystal had somewhat of an idea of what was going down. She had been granted permission to sleep over at Gigi’s house, and they would be going on their date the following day. Gigi would not tell Crystal anything about where they were going, and refused to give her any hints no matter how much Crystal begged.

The next morning, on their walk to school, Crystal finally got a hint.

“You tweeted about it. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Crystal had almost 30 thousand tweets, her Twitter was her space to say weird things without being judged too harshly, and she had a lot of things to say! She thought about things she might’ve tweeted about wanting to do, or places she wanted to go, but came up empty handed.

“Well, you have the whole day to think about it. I’ll meet you after school, yeah?”

Gigi’s mom offered to pick them up after school, even though the walk from their school to Gigi’s house wasn’t far. Crystal finally met Nancy, Gigi’s beloved dog. Crystal didn’t want to do anything besides hold the dachshund to her chest all night, but Gigi wouldn’t let her, saying it wasn’t fair for Nancy to get all of the attention even though Gigi does the exact same thing with Tic Tac.

They made homemade pizza for dinner, and played monopoly with Gigi’s parents and her brother. Gigi’s brother thought Crystal was cute, and hit on Crystal; trying out a ridiculous pickup line on the green haired girl every chance he got. After they called off the game, Gigi excused her and Crystal to her room.

“So quick to leave, Georgina,” Crystal teased, sitting down next to Nancy who was using Gigi’s strawberry cow pillow pet as a headrest.

“Wanna spend time with you. Can we cuddle?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company until Gigi spoke up.

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Crystal asked, lost.

“Come out to my friends. I thought I was ready but obviously I’m not.”

“It’s okay, Gigi. You’ll know when it’s time, don’t rush it.”

“I just want to be more open, I guess.”

“That’s good, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to take baby steps, G.”

“Was it hard? To come out?”

“To who?” Crystal snorted, “You know I don’t have any friends. I’m pretty sure everyone at school already knows, though.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Probably. She got a little too suspicious when I started liking Poppy.”

This turned into revealing who their first gay crush was, and how and when they figured out they liked girls like the rest of their friends liked boys. Crystal told Gigi about how she originally tried to fake like One Direction so no one would suspect anything, and Gigi told Crystal about how she refused to listen to any music sung by female artists for half a year before they decided to go to sleep.

Crystal had woken up first. She didn’t bother waking up Gigi, going to scroll through Twitter instead. It was still early, but the group chat was on some bullshit, Jan changed her display name to Nicky and changed her profile picture to Nicky’s to mock her. Nicky did not find this funny in the slightest, but Jaida did.

nicky: i’m nicky i’m french i love stealing my friends gfs

jaida: omg period!

THE REAL nicky: JAIDA THAT’S NOT ME!!!

jaida: proof?

THE REAL nicky: I HATE IT HERE!!

nicky: croissant

crystal: HELPDGNJKFNJ

THE REAL nicky: i cannot stand jan. this is why jackie should date me instead

Crystal couldn’t stop laughing, which ended up waking Gigi up. Gigi was grumpy at first, but that changed when she realized they needed to get ready to go on the date she had planned.

After they had gotten up and dressed, they sat next to each other in front of the giant, floor length mirror next to Gigi’s closet to do their makeup. Gigi stopped doing her makeup after putting on her foundation, deciding that watching Crystal do her eye shadow was more entertaining than finishing the look she had in mind.

“Stop looking at me, you’re making me nervous!” Crystal giggled when she noticed Gigi’s stares, not actually wanting Gigi to stop.

“I’ll think about it,” Gigi paused, pretending to think, “I will not. You look beautiful.”

Crystal squawked, “I barely have anything on my face!”

“So?”

“What are you, gay or something?” Crystal teased, making Gigi poke at her sides, “Stop being a dork and finish your makeup!”

“Fine. Only because we need to get going soon.”

“Wait, you know how to drive?” Crystal asked, getting in the passenger seat.

“Yeah! I don’t have my own car yet, but I got my license on my 16th birthday. I am not enforcing the stereotype at all!” Gigi grinned, opening the garage door and starting her mom’s car.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Can I play music?”

“Yeah, sure.” Gigi handed her the aux cord and started backing out of the driveway.

“Okay. This is the ultimate test,” Crystal stated, starting to play a song. “Which One Direction song is this?”

The song in question was good, but Gigi didn’t recognize it. She had only listened to ‘Midnight Memories’ because it was Crystal’s favorite album, and she knew for sure Crystal wasn’t playing a song from that album. “Is it from ‘Made in the A.M’?”

“Trick question! It’s one of Niall’s solo songs. It’s called ‘Dear Patience’!” Crystal laughed, thinking she had pulled off the biggest prank in the world.

“Oh, fuck. I should’ve known there was only one person singing.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, and Gigi almost running a stop sign, they finally pulled up at a cute little thrift shop on the outskirts of town, and Crystal was just about shaking with excitement. “I love thrifting! I’ve only been once, but it was so fun! I found that jumpsuit I wore that one day while thrifting!” She rambles, rushing to get out of the car and inside.

“Wait, when I did tweet about this?”

Around the time they had first started talking, Crystal had tweeted about how her dream date was going thrifting. Gigi naturally stored this information in the back of her mind, even though at the time she never thought she would need it.

On their walk from the parking lot to the store, Crystal held her hand out, which Gigi hesitantly accepted.

“We should play a game! We should split up and pick out an outfit for the other person without them knowing and then meet up and try them on!”

Gigi’s heart swelled, Crystal was so cute. “That sounds fun, but how do I know this isn’t just a trick to dress me up in something hideous?” Gigi teased, making Crystal blush.

“I would never, don’t be ridiculous,” Crystal scoffed, “I’ll save that for the next time we go thrifting!”

Crystal let go of Gigi’s hand to open the door for her, splitting up as soon as they walked into the shop.

It didn’t take them very long to pick out their pieces. Crystal stayed true to her word, picking out a light green, halter top dress for Gigi. Gigi, on the other hand, had picked out a hideous pair of neon pink, zebra print leggings and a red flannel shirt.

“Gigi, what is that?” Crystal scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“You like patterns, why not clash them?” Gigi tried to defend herself, but could barely finish her sentence before bursting out laughing.

“No! I’m not getting that! I’m not even going to try on that outfit. It’s yucky.”

“That’s fine, give me the dress you picked out for me. I need that.” Gigi snatched it from Crystal’s hands, walking quickly to the dressing room.

The dress looked gorgeous on Gigi. Crystal was so glad she took their game seriously.

They looked around together for a little bit before wandering from each other yet again. Gigi somehow ended up with a pile of clothes that you would only see in a very successful thrifting haul video on YouTube. Crystal had stuck to the men’s section, immediately claiming some loud button ups and with a little digging, she found a very specific, out of place t-shirt that said something about how ‘real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper’ that she found hilarious and needed to own.

“What does that say? Some grandmas play bingo, real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper?” Gigi questioned when they finally met back up, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it’s sending me. I need it!”

“So you hated my outfit I got for you, but you’re buying that?” Gigi teased.

“You do not understand the art of highly specific shirts, like these, babe. I’ll have to teach you all about them later.”

Gigi thought Crystal was an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

After paying for their clothes, they got back into the car. Gigi started driving, not telling Crystal where their next stop was. The stop happened to be the Taco Bell drive thru, which Crystal was excited about. “Okay, I do remember tweeting about wanting to go to Taco Bell.”

When they got their food, Gigi placed the bag in the back seat, making Crystal raise an eyebrow.

“You’re a messy eater, so we aren’t eating in the car. My mom would kill me if we made a mess.”

While Crystal tried to convince Gigi she was not a messy eater and her mom’s car would be fine, Gigi pulled up to a park.

“Can you find a spot to sit down at so we can eat it there?” Gigi requested. It took Crystal about two seconds to travel from the car to the grass, settling down in a shady spot underneath some trees. Gigi joined Crystal, holding a blue blanket as well as the brown paper bag.

“It’s not a picnic blanket, I couldn’t find one but I hope it works.”

“It does! I love picnics!” Crystal hops up so Gigi can lay down the blanket, going to retrieve the drinks that they forgot in the car.

Their lunch was filled with flirting, stupid inside jokes and Crystal loved every second of it. She knew for sure by the end of the day she would not be single anymore, but the lack of confirmation was making her antsy.

Once they were done eating, Gigi collected all of the wrappers and cups, walking across the grass to the nearest trash can to dispose of them. When Gigi came back, she had a huge grin on her face, “Well, Crystal Elizabeth. I would like to think that I successfully wooed you, if only you could do something for me in return…”

“What do you have in mind, Georgina?” Crystal giggles, hoping Gigi couldn’t tell how nervous that statement made her.

“Crystal Elizabeth, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?”

“God, yes. I’ve been waiting for this for months.” Crystal exclaimed, immediately being pulled into a kiss.

They stayed at the park after that. Crystal’s inner child had jumped out after the kiss was broken and she wanted to play on the playground.

“Wait, Crystal! Come here, the light looks good right now and we need to take our reveal selfie!”

Their date came to an end when Crystal’s mom texted her asking to come home. Crystal’s mom had no idea what she was interrupting, as Crystal did not tell her mom what they were actually doing.

“I hate it here, I would let this date go on all week if I could.” Crystal pouted, buckling her seatbelt.

“If there’s any other place you want to go this week, we could go on our second date.” Gigi smiled, reaching out to hold Crystal’s hand.

“Be careful, I know steering with one hand is peak lesbianism, but I don’t know if you’re a good enough driver to do that yet.” Crystal joked, even though she gladly accepted Gigi’s hand.

“Oh, shut up. Like you could go ten minutes without holding my hand.”

Crystal kissed Gigi again when they got on her street, Gigi parking a few houses down for privacy.

“This was fun. I really am happy with everything. You completely wooed me, Georgina.”

“I’m glad. Does this mean I can call you my clown girlfriend now?” Gigi jokingly asked, making Crystal let out a tiny scream.

“As dumb as that sounds, yes. You can.”

Gigi did not let Crystal get out of the car without getting another kiss.

Crystal entered her house, her grin slowly fading when she saw her mom waiting for her.

“You took a while to come home.” Crystal’s mom started, under the impression she was at Gigi’s house. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t find my charger.” Crystal felt bad for lying to her mom, but she didn’t want to tell her what happened yet.

“Oh, your generation and your phones. I was starting to get worried.”

“Mama, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m going to my room now, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start dinner. We’re having your favorite!”

The second Crystal got into her room, she locked her door and jumped on her bed, logging onto Twitter.

crystal: good evening l a d i e s

jan!: HEY!

jaida: crystal!

Jackie: You haven’t been active today, what were you up to?

heidi: not jackie demanding answers

nicky: ooooh

gigi: well, since you asked…

crystal: :D

gigi: my girlfriend crystal and i went on our first date today. isn’t she beautiful??

The group erupted into chaos the second they saw their selfie, congratulating the new couple for finally getting together. Crystal wouldn’t have it any other way. She would be forever grateful for being added into Elites Only, and even more for the special girl she had met there.

gigi: so, any ideas for our second date?

crystal: tons, babe. i’m gonna blow your mind.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #crygi #lesbian au #high school au #social media au #girl i met on the internet #strawberry #submission #s12

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sammydevans · 5 years ago

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WHO: Sam & Kitty @doveportkitty

WHEN&WHERE: January 29, evening at Kitty’s place

WHAT: A conversation to end #babygate2020

WARNINGS: mentions of sexual abuse

Sam was nervous. If he were honest, he felt that way a lot when it came to real relationship conversations with Kitty. He was used to her being slightly distant to feelings and often times more interested in the physical aspect of their relationship, and he was okay with it, truly. It was a system that worked. But when it came down to moments like this, it left him wondering how they would end. No time like the present to find out, right? With a bottle of champagne in one hand, he knocked at her front door, a soft smile on his lips when she answered. "Hey you."

Knowing the conversation that was coming, Kitty couldn’t sit down. Not one to clean usually, she actually found herself tidying up — mostly putting away the empty liquor bottles she had used to drown the thoughts of doubt in her head since the topic of children had even been brought up. Children weren’t in her future. They couldn’t be. She knew her flaws, and being a mother would be one of them. The familiar knock breaks her “cleaning” concentration, and after quickly washing her hands she moves to the door to open it for her boyfriend. “Hey, hot shot.” She said not able to stop the soft smile from lighting her lips. “You brought champagne... Now if only you were shirtless.” She teased lightly, leaning in to press her lips against his sweetly before moving out of the way to let him in.

He chuckled at her greeting, not hiding the playful roll his eyes as he entered her house. "I keep tell you," Sam reminded. "It's too cold for shirtless deliveries. Once it's warm again." He passed off the bottle to her and shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on a hook by the door. It was easy to feel the weight of the lingering conversation, but he wanted it to feel normal, natural. "So start with champagne? I could probably use a quick recap on last week."

"I'll hold you to that." Kitty commented with a smirk, happily accepting the champagne from Sam. Moving through her apartment to the kitchen, she pulled down two glasses from the cabinet, popping the cork and carefully pouring the alcohol into them before passing one to Sam. "Because you weren't paying attention? I swear to God, Samuel, If that's the case I'm totally going to start quizzing you on episodes the day after." She leans against the kitchen, and brings the champagne to her lips, taking a sip and immediately wants more. It felt normal now, but even Kitty knew that the weight of the impending conversation was going wear them down. "Or I can just send you my twitter feed, I guess."

He took the glass in one hand, going to take a sip before quickly pausing to protest. “No, no. Totally paid attention, day after I would have aced a quiz,” Sam insisted. It was true enough anyway. He was obviously nowhere near as invested as she was, but she wanted him to watch with her, so he did. “It’s just been a long week. Peter wasn’t exactly the biggest thing in my mind.”

Kitty froze at the comment of the long week. The two worked at the same place, they worked in the same area even, so she knew instantly why Peter wasn’t at the forefront of Sam’s mind. And it wasn’t because of work. Still holding the champagne in her hand she reaches at Sam’s shirt with her free hand and pulls him in against her. “I’ll let it slide.” She mutters in a whisper before capturing his lips with hers, letting her lips familiarize themselves with his after the few days they’d spent apart. A few days she would allow herself to admit sucked. “Do you want to like, go to the couch?” Kitty asks gingerly. Nervously (a feeling she was not at all used to). “The umm... episode it ready to go.”

Sam slid his arm around her as he kissed her back, holding her close and knowing he didn’t want to let go. Getting lost in this seemed like a much better idea than reality tv. Better than a heavy conversation that could easily end unhappily. At her question, he nodded, pulled back and took her hand to lead the way over. Sam took his normal spot against the end of the couch, an arm open for Kitty to cuddle into his side. “So I saw something about Cleveland?” he asked, trying to keep his focus on the episode at hand. “Which... why anyone would choose that destination is beyond me.”

Kitty doesn’t hesitate to slide herself in next to Sam. She couldn’t predict how the night would end (which was infuriating because kitty liked to pride herself on knowing everything) but right now she was content with being close to him and judging trashy pageant girls on tv. “You didn’t hear? Cleveland is the new Hawaii.” She comments jokingly, reaching for the remote to press play. Attempting to relax, Kitty keeps her attention on the screen for a while, not really paying attention to the one on one date Peter was currently on... Her twitter feed would be disappointing in the morning. Sighing she paused the show and sits herself up to look into Sam’s blue eyes. “I totally can’t do this... sorry, it’s not in my blood. If we’re going to break up, watching Peter send home a few fame wannabes first isn’t going to make anything better.”

“I can show you a funny YouTube video that will disprove that in thirty seconds,” Sam defended with a chuckle. He sipped at his champagne as the details unfolded, even less interested than the past couple weeks. He’d fail if she gave him a pop quiz on this tomorrow. But did it matter? Trashy reality TV ranked about a thousand spots below their relationship. “Kitty, I don’t want to break up with you,” Sam told her sincerely, taking her hand in his. He needed to feel her with him, to hold her from running away. “This doesn’t have to be over.”

For a second, Kitty wants to pull her hand back. But it was Sam, and she’d always had a hard time letting go of him. “I don’t want to break up either.” She tells him honestly. “But if your future involves kids, like... that can’t be a future we’re in together.” Her heart felt as though it was sinking out of her stomach, and she kind of regrets even commenting on the post that day. It was only real when she made it real. “We’re adults so it’s not like we’re dating for clout, and I mean, I’m not sitting up at night practicing my post-wedding signature or anything, but isn’t it sort of crazy to be in a relationship where we both want entirely different things? I would be... the worst mother, Sammy. You have to know that.”

Sam sat up straighter in his seat, quiet as he let her speak her mind. She was right, mostly, and he hated it. But there was still a part of him that knew them breaking up was the part that wasn't. "There was also a long point in time where I thought my future involved me being a superhero," he defended, trying his best to at least bring some lightness to the conversation. It didn't work, and he knew it as soon as he'd said it. "But... plans change. Yes, I've imagined my life with kids. But that doesn't mean I can't imagine one without them. I just haven't before. I haven't had a reason to before," he explained. He took a deep breath and tapped a finger against Kitty's skin, debating if he should say more before continuing anyway. "But if the reason you don't want kids is because you think you'd be a terrible mother, you need to rethink your reason."

If it was any other conversation with, at any other time, Kitty may have laughed and teased him about wanting to be a superhero growing up. But the weight of their future felt as thought it was on top of her, and she knew herself enough to know if they didn’t talk about this now she’d keep avoiding this until it tore them apart. Sighing, she looks down at their hands, her gaze watching the small movements of her boyfriend’s fingers. “Sam, think about it for longer than a minute. There is not a person out there who sees me as mom material. C’mon I won’t even go and see Madison’s baby and I actually like her... and like, the baby’s not ugly. I mean, it's still blob like, but it's a cute blob? I don’t have it in me, babe. When Jesus blessed me he gave me a lot of things, but if I had a kid? They would end up hating me. Deep down you have to know that.”

"I don't want to sit here and convince you to have a baby someday," Sam admitted. Even if that was, maybe, exactly what he wanted, it seemed unfair to push the idea on her when she seemed so opposed. "But I have thought about it for more than a minute. It's all I've thought about for the past few days. No, you're not traditional mom material. But I know you. And I know you're not the cold-hearted person you let everyone think you are." He took a breath and chewed at his lip for a moment, then continued. "I pictured my life with kids. Little league practices, father-daughter dances, pillow forts and Disney movies, family walks, and matching pajamas on Christmas morning. All that cheesy Hallmark stuff. And in that picture I had a partner, somewhere. I mean, it's been the Black Widow more than once and also Thor one time? But mainly, faceless, nameless. And then there's life I pictured with you. It's specific and real. It's a weekend in Atlanta with a whole town to explore but spending most of it wine drunk and naked in bed. It's Christmases watching new Hallmark movies that the exact same as last year's movies. It's supporting each other through winning seasons at school, and someday maybe something bigger than high school. It's teaching you how to cook something besides waffles because we really can't live on Postmates forever. It's someday finding a place that's ours and me letting you take complete control of decorating." He let out a heavy breath and dropped her hand in favor of reaching to cup her face, thumb brushing over her cheek. "I love you, Kitty Wilde. And I know that's gonna be a lot for you, but I need you to know it. I need you to know how real this is for me. I can lose the fantasy of kids, but I can't lose the reality of you."

Kitty fell silent as she listened to him talk. It was easier than finding her own words right now, when it came to the serious moments she struggled with comprehending them at the best of times. A sharp pang hit her heart when he described the family he’d always imagined having. The little league games, and father daughter dances... If there was anyone that deserved that, it was Sam. Kitty brings her legs up, folding them underneath her in a way shed’d done since childhood. Though at this point, it was mostly to distract her body in someway while he was talking. She can’t help but smile faintly at the mention the life he has pictured with her. It wasn’t as detailed as the one she’d pictured, but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t pictured a future with him. Maybe that’s why in a situation which normally would have sent her running, she was still here. She lifts her eyes to Sam when he brings his hand to her cheek, her face instinctively leaning into the touch. “You...” Her breath felt like it had been taken out of her, processing what he’d just said. “I...” Those words had never come naturally to her, and she cared about him, she did. A lot. But those words? She couldn’t say them. “I don’t want to lose you.” Kitty murmured simply after what felt like forever. “You make me want to be better... And like, I’m already pretty great so that’s an accomplishment.” She let out a soft sigh before leaning in and pressing her lips against his in a loving kiss. “But we really can live on postmates forever, babe.”

Sam had held his breath after his confession. It could have been a mistake to being love into the conversation. Slow had been the default speed of their emotional relationship, she'd technically only been his girlfriend for a month. He, of course, wanted to hear her say it back. But that was someday, he figured. Today he just wanted her not to pull away, not to kick him out. Voicing that she didn't want to lose him was more than enough for today. "You are pretty great," Sam agreed, barely breaking their kiss. His forehead pressed against hers and chuckled. "Okay fine, I'll cook. Shirtless, just for your entertainment."

“You should just be shirtless all the time.” Kitty muses with a small smile. For the first time in days she doesn’t feel as though there’s a pressure sitting on her heart about their future. Maybe this is why people rave about talking through their feelings all the time. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she pulled away. Sam loved her... He was willing to give up children for her. The least she could do was be honest with him. She takes a deep breath and diverts her eyes to anywhere but Sam. “I can’t sleep at other people’s houses because I wake up and panic.” She starts to tell him quietly. “It’s been like that since the 7th grade. I was at a church sleep over and...” Kitty paused, swallowing thickly at the memory and willing herself to finally let her boyfriend all the way in. “And when I woke up in the middle of the night, the youth pastor was in my sleeping bag. I didn’t know what to do... I should have panicked, I should have said something? But I didn’t. I was scared... And I trusted him. I told my parents a lot later and I guess he left town. But when I wake in the night now... I still feel his breath, Sam. And when I’m in a place that’s not my own, I just... It’s like I’m back there. I need the television on to sleep... But Sugar has given me this ridiculous sleep sound machine and I don’t know, it kind of works. As embarrassing as it is. I’m trying. For you, I’m trying.” She tells him, glancing up at his familiar face. “I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me. God please don’t. But for a long time I haven’t trusted anyone? Not fully. I trust you though, Sam. Like I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone before. I just... I needed you to know that.”

Sam watched her carefully as she pulled away, worried for a brief moment that she'd thought better of the whole thing and was going to run after all. But as she spoke, his worried transformed from worry to him to worry for her. "Kitty, if I'd known I wouldn't have pressed about you staying," he told her, and truthfully, maybe he did feel a little sorry for her in that moment. Not sorry for her, but sorry that she had to go through it, deal with it still. He scooted closer to her then, slowly wrapping an arm around her. "You can do whatever you need to be comfortable, you know that right? I'll put a TV in my room, or we can just always be here?" he felt like he was on the verge of rambling and reeled himself in by pressing a kiss to her temple. "I just want you to feel safe with me."

Kitty could count on one hand the amount of people who knew her full past. At least this part. And honestly, she liked it that way. Having this conversation to everyone she met would have been pure torture. But oddly? She’s not unhappy to have told Sam. It was almost as though there was nothing left to hide... and considering he worked to get to this point for over a year, he deserved to be let in. Kitty shrugged her shoulders, pressing her lips together in a sad smile as his arm wraps around her. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago, and I’m mostly over it. It’s just the whole sleeping thing, I guess... But the fact you don’t have a TV in your room freaks me out in general just FYI. If you weren’t so hot it probably would have been a deal breaker.” She tried to joke to eliminate some of the heaviness of the conversation. “I feel safe when I’m with you, Sammy.” She told him honestly, glancing up meet his eyes. “I feel a lot when I’m with you. Like way too much sometimes and I hate it, but I’ve never been scared of you hurting me, or scared of anything happening to me while you’re around. I promise... I mean, not that I can’t look after myself, but... you know...”

"I wanna look after you," Sam told her sincerely. He knew she didn't need him to. No one was going to cross Kitty Wilde and live to tell the story. But he was happy to stand her corner while she did it. Sam pressed a kiss into her shoulder and then to her cheek before sitting back and encouraging her back into his arms. Just the way the things were before the conversation, the way things should be on Bachelor night. "As for the TV thing, I've literally never had one. My parents didn't want us to have them in our rooms, so it's just never been a thing, you know?" Sam reached for his glass of champagne again and took a sip. "But I really will get one. If you want."

Independence had always come naturally to Kitty. She could look after herself. But having Sam on her side didn’t feel like a bad thing at all. Her eyes fluttered shut as his lips pressed tenderly against her skin, and without over thinking it she moved back to the position in his arms. “I want it.” She replied simply, stealing the champagne glass from his hand to take a sip. “It’s time to move into the 21st century, hot shot. Now pay attention to the Bachelor or you’re going to fail tomorrow’s test.”

#askmepara #doveportkitty #para: all #old character

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thecourtneychronicles · 6 years ago

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“Courtney Act has some advice for Strictly Come Dancing.

Everyone’s favourite Aussie drag queen-turned-reality TV darling made history when she became the first person to dance with a same-sex partner on Dancing With The Stars, and now she thinks it’s time the UK caught up.

“Any excuse about the traditions of ballroom dancing and all that sort of jazz, it kind of starts to sound a little bit awkward now that we’ve done it in Australia,” she tells GAY TIMES. “I think it’s definitely time.”

As she prepares to grace London’s Underbelly Festival with her show Under The Covers, we spoke to the Aussie queen about her time on Dancing With The Stars, who she wants to see on Drag Race UK, and what makes our drag unique.

Congratulations on making the finals of Dancing With The Stars – how are you feeling about that whole journey?

Thank you! Oh my god, it was just so magical and so much fun, but it was also so much hard work, it was four months of dancing and we were rehearsing for at least six hours a day, and I think I had about three days off in the whole four months. I got to tell so many stories on mainstream television, it was just amazing. Somebody’s made a supercut of all of the dances on YouTube, and my dance partner Josh sent it to me and we both sat there watching it and reminiscing over the phone.

Based on your track record, you really were destined to win. Are you a bit gutted about that?

You know what, this sounds really trite, but I feel like we did win. From the judges points we did actually win every episode except for episode four, but then we were pipped at the post by Samuel Johnson, who is actually so lovely. I remember him in the first promo shoot and I was like, ‘Oh, she’ll be out first’, but he actually was just amazing and he got better and better every week, and also he’s an amazing fundraiser in Australia, his sister unfortunately died of cancer a few years ago and he vowed to raise $10 million for cancer research, and so he’s on this big journey of his own and people really love that cause, and it is a very worthy cause. So I in no way felt gutted, I felt really, really happy for him. And we got to do so many cool things! We were the first same-sex dance partnership [on the show], which was amazing, and so many of the performances were kind of risque, like going from Courtney to Shane in the space of one minute and 20 seconds. That was dangerous, but it worked.

Did you face any resistance from the show when you decided to dance as Shane?

No, they were totally supportive! I think I used the Courtney Act patented lubing technique to get them used to the idea, so I thought, ‘I’ll just get in there, I’ll be fabulous and have fun, and show them there’s nothing to be afraid of’, then in episode three I did the Courtney-to-Shane Tango which they loved, and then the Samba in episode four was our first sexy dance, and I kind of loved that people were seeing this was a guy dressed as a girl dancing sexy with another man. And I was planning to do something as Shane but I couldn’t quite find the right time, and then the Tango-Foxtrot came up and I was like, ‘Oh good, this is like a sexy, intimate, romantic dance so it’s not like we’re just doing the Jive next to each other’. I wanted people to see two male-presenting people in each other’s arms. I remember the first time I saw two men dancing the Tango together I was shocked, and I remember how confronting it was for my brain, even though I’m a queer person just to see two men dancing romantically was like, ‘Wow!’ and I figured there’s probably a lot of people around Australia who still haven’t seen that, so to get to do that on Dancing With The Stars and hopefully help to normalise it and create a positive example is a really amazing opportunity.

There’s a debate in the UK about having same-sex partners on Strictly Come Dancing, but the show still won’t let it happen. Do you think it’s time for that?

Absolutely, and I think there’s got to be a same-sex couple on Strictly this year. There just has to be. It’s not even a question in my mind. It would just seem really weird not to. And I mean, Craig Revel Horwood was a judge on our version as well, and he’s a judge on Strictly, so I think it’s definitely time. Because like, any excuse about the traditions of ballroom dancing and all that sort of jazz, it kind of starts to sound a little bit awkward now that we’ve done it in Australia.

You’re bringing Under The Covers to London’s Underbelly Festival this month, what we expect?

Well I did the show around the UK last year, and I did it in London at the Palladium which is this ginormous venue which where the front row was like 20 metres away, so it wasn’t very intimate, but this is a gorgeous intimate venue and I’m doing it with a live band this time. Last time I just did it with a piano, so I’m excited for that. After doing – and then losing – Eurovision: Australia Decides, and then performing with Jake Shears when he opened for Kylie on her Australian tour, I was just like, ‘Oh my god, I love live music so much’, so I knew I had to do my Under The Covers show with a live band. There’s loads of great songs and costumes, we’ve updated all that, there’s lots of stories about Dancing With The Stars, and maybe a little ballroom dancing in there too.

Well, you spent all that time learning, you may as well show it off.

Yeah, exactly! Also, like, the fitness level I achieved from dancing that much, I’m now working hard to not just go back to my regular sloth-like self. So I might try to keep it up in my show.

How do you decide what songs you want to perform for Under The Covers?

Well they’re all famous covers of covers, so I have a giant spreadsheet, and I spent weeks Googling and I put every cover song that I could find on there, and then I picked out ones that I’d like to do, that I could sing well, and that the audience would enjoy, and then I’ve tried to put it together following the loose theme of my show. So for example, Bjork’s It’s Oh So Quiet is such a great song, and that’s a cover from a Betty Hutton song in 1951, and that was a cover of a 1948 song that was originally in German, Und jetzt ist es still, which is German for It’s Oh So Quiet. Lot’s of people don’t know that.

We also have Drag Race UK coming up this year. Having lived in London for a while now, what do you think international audiences will find unique about British drag?

I can’t wait, because I love watching Drag Race but I feel like the drag has been coming through the same filter for a few seasons now. I mean, coming from Australia to the US, I love the pageant drag, I love all the different styles of drag, but I feel like the UK is just going to inject a breath of fresh air into the show. Have you seen any of Drag Race Thailand?

I saw a clip where one of the contestants [Kandy Zyanide] set her dress on fire, which was incredible.

Yes! I saw that one too. Unfortunately she did suffer burns after that, so don’t try that at home. But it’s just amazing how there’s a whole culture and sensibility in the UK, and the history of drag and camp that is part of pop culture there is going to be wonderful. I’m really excited to see the injection of fresh talent, and that fresh approach to drag and how it will shake up and influence the US version.

Are there any UK queens that you would like to see on the show?

I’d love to see Cheddar Gorgeous and the House of Gorgeous, they’re amazing. The UK has so many legendary queens, who I don’t think would necessarily be right for Drag Race, like all the East London queens that I love. People like Jonny Woo and his clan are all epic, although I don’t really picture them competing on Drag Race. So I’m gonna go with Cheddar and her clique, I think they’re pretty epic.

Courtney’s interview with Gay Times Magazine - May 3, 2019

#ca interview #03.05.19 #courtney act #dancing with the stars #rupaul's drag race #rpdr

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mediaeval-muse · 5 years ago

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Book Review... Jenna Moreci, “The Savior’s Champion”

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Reviewer Comments: I stumbled upon Jenna Moreci’s YouTube channel before I knew of her books, and after watching her videos, I concluded that we have some of the same tastes when it comes to tropes and fiction, so I figured I’d give this novel a try. I’m glad I did - despite the things I didn’t like about the book, I had a good time reading it. There were a lot of things I found refreshing: the well-written action scenes, the mindful structure, the shying away from archetypes I despise (like the douchey love interest or toxic relationship). The action was fast-paced, and the emotional moments had enough time to breathe, making me invested in character relationships. I will say that the crass language and general attitude towards women tended to be overwhelming for me as a reader - I do understand that Moreci used them for a reason, but I personally found it to be a lot to handle. While I wouldn’t recommend this book if you’re into intricate worldbuilding or high fantastical politics, I do highly recommend this book if you’re looking for a fast-paced action story with a healthy romance.

***Full review under the cut.***

Summary: Tobias Kaya doesn't care about The Savior. He doesn't care that She's the Ruler of the realm or that She purified the land, and he certainly doesn't care that She's of age to be married. But when competing for Her hand proves to be his last chance to save his family, he’s forced to make The Savior his priority. Now Tobias is thrown into the Sovereign’s Tournament with nineteen other men, and each of them is fighting—and killing—for the chance to rule at The Savior's side. Instantly his world is plagued with violence, treachery, and manipulation, revealing the hidden ugliness of his proud realm. And when his circumstances seem especially dire, he stumbles into an unexpected romance, one that opens him up to unimaginable dangers and darkness.

Genre: adult fantasy/romantic fantasy

Triggers: graphic depictions of violence, adult language (including gendered and sexual insults, rape threats), sexual content

Things I Liked

Pace/Structure: Moreci is very skilled at balancing the fast pace of the action sequences with moments of pause, when characters are connecting with one another. I very much enjoy when this balance is achieved, as too much action can make the story seem hollow, but too much talking can cause a book to drag.

Twists/Surprises: In addition to achieving a good balance with action and pause, Moreci changes up the action sequences, throwing surprise twists in the mix so that the book’s structure doesn’t become repetitive. I always felt that I knew some of what was going on or what was going to happen, but not all of it. As a result, I was given the satisfaction of being able to predict some things, but was also kept on the edge of my seat by the things I couldn’t see coming. I’m not a huge fan of books that try to dazzle me with their unpredictability - I view good writing instead as writing where I can potentially guess what’s about to happen, but still enjoy the journey. Sometimes, the joy was not in being surprised, but in seeing how the characters would react to a twist that I saw but they didn’t. I think that’s also a big thing people tend to overlook in this book - it doesn’t try to thrill the reader, but take them on a journey to see how Tobias will react.

Protagonist: Tobias is a breath of fresh air in that he’s not a broody jerk or extremely violent to seem more “manly.” I enjoyed his affection for his family, his real sense of loss from having to abandon his apprenticeship, and his sense of honor and integrity. I also appreciated that he was able to have human emotions and be vulnerable, while also having admirable qualities such as bravery. While I do think more could have been done with his personality, I did like that he was someone I could root for.

Criticism of Pageantry: There are moments in this book that really underscore the ridiculousness of the tournament, as well as the uncritical devotion to The Savior. Tobias is honest in his inner monologue about what he thinks of The Savior, and other characters, though misogynist and unlikable, do good work in that they bring out some of the criticisms of men competing in a tournament for a woman’s hand.

Romance: Moreci is very vocal about writing healthy romantic relationships, and I was pleased to see an actual healthy relationship in a fantasy novel for once. There’s clear communication, consent, and respect - all things that seem rare nowadays.

Things I Didn’t Like

Misogynistic Language: Most of the other competitors talk about women - and about each other - using language that is sexist. To be clear: I fully understand that competitors in the tournament are not meant to be likable, and that their misogyny is a marker of their antagonism as well as a symptom of the problems within the fantasy world as a whole. Tobias is meant to look better by comparison. I get that. I just personally found their language and insults overwhelming, and I tend to be turned off by books that use sexism just to show how bad people are. I much prefer sexism to be a central theme (to be criticized), which it kind of is in this book, but it was also just... a lot for me.

Worldbuilding: There is very little worldbuilding in this book, and Moreci only includes enough to make the plot make sense. While I do respect this decision, I also wish there had been bit more information so I can fully immerse myself in the culture of this world beyond the tournament.

Antagonists: While I think the real antagonist of this book is the pageant culture/bread-and-circuses method of governing, I also wished the other antagonists had more complex motivations. In the book, everyone we are meant to dislike is just mean, murderous, or sexist. I would have liked some more nuance.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if you’re interested in

tournaments, pageantry, competitions for marriage

gladiator-type fights

Greco-Roman-inspired fantasy

Similar Reads

#book reviews

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chroniccombustion · 6 years ago

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Caught in the Grey (ch 1)

Genre: Trans!AU, hurt/comfort, romance, angst with a happy ending Rated: T Characters: Souji Seta (Yu Narukami), Yosuke Hanamura, Naoto Shirogane, Investigation Team, Izanagi/Shadow!Souji Warnings: depression, dysphoria, disassociation, self-hatred, implied suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, mentions of homophobia, implied past child abuse and transphobia, canon-typical violence, mild sexual content Status: multi-chapter, incomplete

Playlist: Spotify | Youtube next chapter ->

He stands on one end of the red-washed roof beneath a sky of blood and onyx and watches himself watch back from the other side.

“I’m fine,” he whispers to the figure across from him.

It shakes its head and sobs. “No,” it answers with two voices – layered over top each other in perfect stereo, one low and one high-pitched. It looks at him with eyes the color of sickness, gold and harsh against the pale, flickering silver of its hair.

“No, I’m NOT!”

Chapter 1: Beauty In the Breakdown

“So let go, let go, and jump in. Oh well whatcha waitin’ for? It’s alright, ‘Cause there’s beauty in the breakdown…”

– (“Let Go”, Frou Frou)

October

“You better have damn good explanation for this!"

Yosuke is livid, incredulous. His voice cracks as he rounds on the girls, asking them how they could have done this, and from somewhere far away, Souji can hear him growing increasingly upset.

He knows that Yosuke has raised his voice in panic and embarrassment, knows that Kanji is nearby, adding his own disbelief to the mix, but everything is… muffled. Distorted. Like he’s hearing it from behind a wall, through a rushing current that’s pounding somewhere inside his head and can’t breathe!

Seta Souji

It’s there, on the list of names under “Pageant Signups” – in scrawled black letters, clear and bold.

Everything is numb.

He curls freezing fingers around the cuff of his jacket sleeve, absently noting that his hands are shaking. He wants to run, wants to bolt, wants to go find a nice, quiet place to hyperventilate, because he can feel his lungs seizing and his vision blurring and he. Can’t. BREATHE.

“…isn’t that right, Senpai?”

Souji looks up. Sharp, manic, eyes wide and chest stuttering. He stares at Rise – because that’s who was calling him, right? – and tries to think. He doesn’t know what she said, has no idea how to respond. Fake it. Don’t crack where they can see. You’re the leader, you’re the leader, you’re the leader…

Crushing down the weight inside his chest he forces himself to soften his eye contact, to school the line of his shoulders so that he doesn’t look like a cornered animal. He evens out his features until all semblance of expression is gone and only a blank mask remains. Jerkily, puppet-like, he gives the slightest nod of his head and consciously pulls up the corners of his lips into what he hopes is a faint smile. His stomach churns.

Rise crows with delight. “See?! I told you, Yosuke-senpai! Souji-senpai believes in us!”

Oh. Oh god.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Yosuke whips around and gives him a look of utter betrayal, his mouth hanging open and eyes bright with indignation. “Why would you agree to this? Do you just want to get paraded around in drag?!”

He feels sick. He feels so sick and he still can’t breathe and the edges of his vision are starting to go all fuzzy and he didn’t mean to agree to whatever she just said.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god

Something acidic climbs up his throat and burns the back of his tongue.

Yosuke is staring at him and Rise is grinning at him and Chie and Yukiko are sniggering and---

“Y-you’re positive we’ll be pretty?”

“Kanji, not you, too!”

He can’t do this. He can’t do this; even with Yosuke’s blistering gaze now turned towards Kanji, (and fuck fuck fuck even Kanji’s agreeing now!) the room still feels too small, too crowded. He needs to get away. He needs out of this whole situation but he knows he can’t escape because he’s trapped. He’s been roped into doing the one fucking thing he would rather chug bleach than do and there is no way to get out of doing it without making everything so much worse.

The girls would demand a good reason for backing out. Kashiwagi probably wouldn’t even listen, would just dock his grades or something if he skipped. He almost wonders if it would be worth it.

He’d do it anyway if he didn’t think somebody would find a way to do something to punish him for it.

I can’t breathe!

Everything is cold. He can’t feel his fingertips as they twist and wrap themselves deeper into his jacket sleeves, nails digging through the fabric to prick at his palms. Is anyone looking at him? He can’t tell. The room dims; a ring of grey static, like the Midnight Channel, fizzles in around the edges of his sight and makes everything around him dull and blurry. His friends are speaking. He doesn’t know to whom. He can’t pick out their voices anymore, can’t make out any words against the thunderous drumming of the river inside his head. It’s too loud, too dark, too cloistering, too much.

He turns. He doesn’t stop to figure out if anyone is calling after him, following him. He doesn’t care. Through muscle memory alone, he manages to get out the classroom door and into the hallway. He wills his legs to move, to push, to carry him forward in the direction of the nearest bathroom, even if he doesn’t know where he is anymore. The hallway is too long, too crowded, too, too, too, and he can’t.

He pushes the bathroom door open, body trembling so violently that he barely makes it inside before he’s throwing himself into a stall, to his knees. He feels them connect with the hard tile floor, is aware of the impact, but cannot feel the pain he knows will be there when he comes back down. He doesn’t feel anything but sick.

He curls over the toilet as if it could offer him salvation and vomits up everything he’s eaten today. Even long after he’s purged his stomach, the roiling is still there; he coughs until the taste of bile and acid sits heavy in his mouth.

The world is finally quiet by the time he’s able to stand again – though whether that’s from the roar in his ears subsiding at last or because the school is starting to empty, he has no idea. He doesn’t care. He washes his hands, his face, his mouth with water from the sink and refuses to look in the mirror as he does. His hands shake so badly that he’s certain there’s puddle on the floor beneath him. He doesn’t care. His breathing is still too shallow, too thin, comes too fast. He doesn’t look in the mirror. He doesn’t think.

It’s only after he hears a quiet creak that he even remembers other people still exist. He glances up from his shaking hands – why is there steam coming from the faucet? Is the water that hot? – forces his head sluggishly up and his eyes blearily over until he thinks he can see just the barest hint of hallway beyond the cracked-open door.

“Souji-senpai?” someone calls from outside. The voice is low, blessedly quiet, like deep blue twilight and old velvet. “Are you alright?”

Naoto.

“I’m fine,” he tries to say. His throat screams at him, raw and papery, like crusted salt. He tries to clear it and winces as the burn nearly makes him choke. “I’m fine,” he says again. It’s weak, scratchy, but louder than before.

Silence.

He wonders if he’d been too quiet, runs his tongue over his lips to try again. He tastes panic and shame.

“Please don’t lie to me, Senpai.”

Damnit.

Of course, even if Naoto wasn’t a detective they’re still the most observant of the team, the most logical. They’re exactly the kind of friend that wouldn’t be fooled or placated by something as weak as his automatic response. Of course they would notice him leaving, would find him even if he’d somehow wound up on the opposite side of the school building. Of course they would call him out for his obviously bullshit answer.

The door creeps wider open and suddenly there is a swath of blue in the line of the doorway. Naoto swings their head from one side to the other – checking the hall – before stepping further into the bathroom and settling their too-keen gaze upon him.

He looks back down at his hands, watches them turn pink, then red under the scalding water.

Naoto gasps softly. “Oh! Senpai…!” There are footsteps, the sound of the door closing, and then there are hands in his line of sight as Naoto reaches over and turns the water to cold. He still doesn’t feel a thing.

He stands there and lets Naoto keep his hands under the faucet, watching the redness of his skin slowly start to recede.

“I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t look up at them.

There is a pause, a measure of silence before they whisper again. Their voice is calm and level, and he focuses on it rather than the rush of water from the sink, the rush of blood still behind his ears.

“It was only Teddie and Yosuke-senpai that signed us up for the beauty pageant; I tried to tell them that but they had already put your name down as well. I didn’t know…”

Their voice catches slightly, and when he lifts his eyes from his numb fingers he can see them pursing their lips as they stare at their own hands on his wrists.

“I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers back. Because it is okay, even thought it’s absolutely not; he believes Naoto. They’re the newest of the group, but they’re honest, and he knows them well enough by now to know that they’re also the most rational member on the team. They would have agreed to punishing Yosuke for his stunt – he’d like to think they would have stood up for him.

Naoto shakes their head. “It clearly isn’t.” They look up at him then, the movement of their head so sharp and startling that he finds himself looking up at the same time out of shock and catching their eyes. They stare and he can’t look away.

He holds his breath as Naoto opens their mouth to speak. But then, they don’t. They close their mouth again with a soft ‘click’, sighing out their unspoken words through their nose. Their gaze falls back to the mess of hands beneath the stream of water.

“You should see the nurse,” they say instead.

He shakes his head.

No. He absolutely does not want to do that. He’s already going to be poked and prodded enough for the damn pageant, thank you, and at least he can try to keep his friends’ hands on his face and hair and away from the rest of him. The nurse? Not so much.

He tries to say, “I don’t need to”; what comes out instead is a weak, shaky, “I can’t.”

Naoto looks back up at him, their lips pressed into a thin line and their forehead creased in concern. They stare at him for what feels like eons. “...Senpai—“

“Naoto, I can’t.”

And the way his voice breaks, the way his vision blurs, he’s sure he’s close to crying. But he can’t, he won’t, not here, not in front of his teammate, not in the middle of the school building where anyone else could walk in at any moment. He pleads with his eyes instead, because if anyone is clever enough to see hidden meaning in someone’s face, it’s Naoto.

Slowly they nod, and he feels a burst of relief for the first time in far, far too long. He wants to sob.

Naoto sighs and slumps their shoulders, apparently giving in for now. “I understand.” They tilt their head pointedly, searching his face for something he can’t fathom. They must find it, because the ghost of a reassuring smile passes over their features and he feels something inside his chest lift just the tiniest bit. “I really do.”

He should be afraid, he thinks, that Naoto can see through him – even though, out of all of the IT, it was always going to be Naoto that saw him first. He should feel like the floor has been shattered underneath his feet, like he’s falling into blackness again, but no. Not this time.

No one has said anything; no one has spoken the words out loud. It’s Naoto. He’s safe for now.

And he didn’t even have to pull the words from his mouth like shards of broken, bloodied glass. They just knew.

“I’ll do what I can to make sure they don’t go overboard tomorrow,” Naoto is saying. Their fingers uncoil from his wrists and turn the faucet off. (He thinks he can just barely make out the feel of the air on his freezing skin now.) They sigh again. “Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai will likely be all too glad to focus on Yosuke-senpai, but Rise-kun…” They trail off, unspoken horrors hanging thick in the air between their lips like oil.

Souji nods. He can feel the cold of his hands now, the leftover sting from the hot water still burning beneath his skin; the room is less fuzzy, now the lights less dim and his vision clearer. He feels himself slide back into his body – not lock into place, he’s still too shaky, too jittery – like a sheet of colored plastic overlaid across a different one to form a new color only where they touch. He’s there, he’s just not solid yet.

Souji flexes his fingers. They hurt. “I’m in drama club,” he rasps. “I can do most of it myself.”

The look that Naoto gives him is full of pain and sympathy – much more emotion than he’s sure anyone else in their group has ever seen. “Awful, isn’t it? That playing pretend has become so natural for people like us.”

The laugh that tears unexpectedly from his chest sounds more like a sob.

---

The next morning dawns like bile against the horizon. Souji watches from the window, barely real as he takes in the sickly yellow of the sun as it rises. A glance at the clock shows he’s been awake for several hours now, unable to stay asleep because of the constant, taunting reminder of what today is; the hummingbird-quick beating of his panicked heart bringing him back to wakefulness any time he managed to doze off from sheer exhaustion.

Numb, nauseous, he drags himself over to the desk and grabs his uniform from where he’d habitually set it out the night before. He feels like nothing, like a wind-up doll as he puts it on. He gathers his things, heads downstairs, passes by the kitchen without even bothering to glance inside. He doesn’t want breakfast right now, doesn’t even want to try and keep his stomach under control long enough to make a bento for later. He stops just long enough to give his little sister a hug.

Nanako asks him if he’s okay.

“I’m fine,” he answers with a strained smile.

---

He runs into Yosuke on the way to school, even though Souji’s absently aware that it’s far earlier than Yosuke actually needs to be leaving his house. But it doesn’t matter, so he doesn’t ask. Yosuke looks about as tired as he feels and at first there is silence.

And then Yosuke opens his mouth and starts to talk.

Yosuke rants about how unfair it is that they have to go through with the pageant, about how it’s totally different for the girls to be up on stage, about how real men don’t wear dresses, damnit, this is so stupid! Yosuke gesticulates as he talks and never once looks over to see the hollowness in Souji’s eyes or to see why Souji hasn’t said a single word to agree with him.

Souji tries and tries to tune his friend out but in the end he feels every word as though it were a splinter of ice burrowing ever deeper into his gut.

Yosuke finally asks him if he’s okay only once the front doors of the school are in sight.

“I’m fine,” he says, and pretends the catch in his voice is a yawn.

---

The day stretches and stretches but still seems to go far too quickly and soon he’s being handed a girl’s uniform and a long silver wig done up in a pair of braids. There are stockings, too, and a padded bra stuffed with what looks like socks pinned inside. He takes the uniform and the wig and stifles the burning, sinking, suffocating feeling that spreads throughout his body so that he can make it to the bathroom to change. Rise calls out to him as he walks stiffly into the hall like a man marching to his execution, asking him if he needs help fastening the bra. He keeps walking as if he hadn’t heard her.

He stands in the stall and tries, tries, tries not to hyperventilate, not to give in to the way his vision blackens and his lungs scream and his stomach – still empty from yesterday – lurches and rolls. His heart pounds like he’s been running, like it’s already escaped and is pleading for him to come with it. He barely manages to hook everything together with how badly his hands are shaking – fingers slipping and nearly dropping everything as he slips the bra fasteners into place. He wraps the socks that had been padding it up in his own uniform and doesn’t think about how well the bra actually fits him without them.

He puts the wig on last while still in the stall. He uses his drama club training and feels for the tabs on either side of the wig, pulling on them until they’re next to his temples. He keeps the stall door closed, keeps his back to it and his head down, even though he cannot see the wall of mirrors over the sinks while he hides behind the door. He squeezes his eyes shut as bits of the wig brush across his cheekbones and does not look at the long silvery strands that now frame his face.

The way the skirt swishes around his legs, the way the shirt hugs his chest, the way his hips look fuller, his waist smaller, his hair longer—

He clamps a hand to his mouth as he gags, body heaving to expel his fear and panic, even though his stomach is so empty it cramps. Sweat breaks out over his forehead and he has to blink back the sting of tears behind his eyelids because everything is wrong wrong WRONG!

It takes everything he has to lock himself away and call up the bone-deep coldness. He slips into the numbing distance, pulling it over himself like a cloak, and pushes everything away until there is nothing left inside but nothing.

Gathering up his things, he finally steps out of the stall and breezes past the line of sinks towards the hallway. He watches himself from someplace far away in his own mind as his body looks dead ahead and refuses to even glance at his own reflection in the mirrors.

Naoto is waiting against the wall just outside the classroom when he makes it back. They take a glance at his mask-like face and their expression twists like they can feel every bit of black, oozing wrongness that has filled his veins and settled into his lungs; like they want to cry every tear for him that lurks behind his frosted wall of forced calm.

He hears them whispering to him as he passes, hears them asking senpai are you okay?

“I’m fine,” he responds, voice like a worn-out recording on an over-played cassette.

---

He doesn’t let Rise do his makeup. He doesn’t let Yukiko or Chie do his makeup either. Thankfully, the latter two have Kanji and Yosuke to focus on to keep them from descending upon him. Rise, though, winks mischievously and waggles a foundation compact in his direction.

He doesn’t want her touching him. Doesn’t want anyone touching him. But he stills just before he can tell her he’ll do it himself because even through the cloak of numbness he knows that to do it himself he’ll have to look in a mirror. His mind stutters, reboots, works his mouth on autopilot and tries again to tell Rise she doesn’t need to help but she isn’t listening. She leans into his personal space with a wide, sweet grin, and he doesn’t want to be upset with her when he knows she’s doing it because of her not-so-subtle crush on him, so he can’t recoil or shove her away like his instincts want to. Luckily his mind and his body are so far removed from one another right now that his knee jerk reaction doesn’t reach his limbs through the void.

He feels the ice encase his heart just a little more solidly and pulls himself further back into his head.

In the end it’s Naoto that winds up doing his makeup. He doesn’t remember them speaking up or shooing Rise away, doesn’t know how he wound up sitting in the far corner of the room with Naoto in front of him like a shield even as they lean in close with a brush.

I’m sorry, their lips say; he can read the words up close like this but the sound is lost behind the echoing cold.

He doesn’t answer, doesn’t know if he’s human enough to remember how. He just sits there and lets them dust the smallest amount of pale brown shadow onto his eyelids. Someone whistles nearby, one of the girls saying something about the ‘natural look,’ but he catches next to nothing else. He can’t even tell who it was that said it – the voice muted like his head is underwater and he’s drowning.

Naoto sweeps something minty-smelling across his bottom lip; a tube of tinted balm, it looks like, not lipstick, but he doesn’t bother trying to read beyond what passes through his peripherals.

He sees Naoto rest their hand tentatively on his shoulder – he can’t feel it, can’t feel anything – and another pained, worried look paints itself over their features. Any other time he would feel guilty about making one of his friends worry, but right now he’s so hollow that he barely even notices.

Naoto turns over their shoulder, eyes suddenly sharp, and parts their lips as though they’re about to speak at someone, when Chie and Yukiko appear in front of them both with matching expressions of glee.

Chie’s mouth moves, quirking upwards as she gives a stunned Naoto a thumbs-up. Yukiko, however, tilts her head at him, appraising. Her mouth moves as well; a great wall of static noise blocks out her words but her lips shape the letters ‘O’ and ‘K” and he absently sees his own head turning to mimic looking in her direction.

“I’m fine,” he feels his body say in his absence.

---

It’s over. The pageant is over. Everything is finally, finally over.

He barely even waits until everyone is off the stage before he’s pulling the wig off his head as though it burns him. He tosses it at someone beside him, not caring whom, and immediately grabs for the bag full of his clothes – his clothes – that someone has apparently stashed backstage for him. (Probably Naoto.)

The world is a blur around him and he all but runs to the bathroom and slams his shoulder into the door. He’s already kicking off the shoes before he even makes it into the closest stall. The first thing off is the stockings, which he nearly trips over as he tries to yank them from his legs as gently – but quickly – as he can, because he doesn’t want to tear them. He’ll have to return everything in one piece; he doesn’t know whom any of this belongs to. He whips them over top the side of the stall and lets them hang there, reaching for the skirt next and hearing something ‘pop!’ as he tugs it down almost before it’s completely unfastened. It joins the stockings in a whirl of fabric.

Still in the top, the scarf, the bra, he unzips his duffel bag and starts grabbing at the clothing inside, not even caring what he pulls out first. He separates a pant leg from a jacket sleeve and drops the jacket back into the bag. As he slides his legs into his pants his knees nearly buckle in desperate relief.

Never again never again never again

The frigid wall, the cloak of numbness, the nothing inside his head; all of it starts to peel and crack and unravel as his violently shaking hands fumble with his button. It takes him far too long to get them fastened, scraping his knuckles on he teeth of his zipper, but when they’re finally, finally, FINALLY ON, the breath leaves his lungs like he’s been slashed open and he has to lurch forward to brace himself against the wall. He trembles, gulps in lungful after lungful of air like a dying man and it still isn’t enough, still feels too shallow. All the color has left his vision, leaving only blacks and whites and greys behind in the ever-tightening circle of static sparkling at the edges of his eyes. He feels unbalanced, off-kilter; his head spins as he continues to try and fill his chest with enough air to keep him above the line of blind panic.

He wonders just how much adrenaline a human body can handle in a day before serious damage is done.

But he can’t relax yet. There’s still the rest of the girl’s uniform, and then the makeup, and he doesn’t know if he has enough left in him to keep going right now. He’s running on sheer luck – body too sick and anxious, deprived of any kind of fuel beyond adrenaline and well-practiced autopilot since yesterday afternoon. And even then, not by much, since everything had come up again after seeing his name on the sign up sheet. How he’s standing he has no idea; how he’s going to make it home, he doesn’t want to think about.

He wills his body to move, to peel off the remainder of the costume – because he has to think of it that way, it cannot be anything else – and locate the toughest part of his own clothing to put back on. He doesn’t look down as he practically rips off the bra, nearly drops his next item of clothing into the toilet in his haste and rising exhaustion. He only gets stuck for a moment as it rolls up underneath itself, but he’s done this before, so many times, in fact, that detangling himself has become muscle memory by now. He rights the fabric, tugs it down over his torso, runs the palms of his hands down the smoother, flatter surface of his chest.

Breathe in. Hold it. Breathe out. Almost done, almost done.

The shirt takes several minutes to button. He keeps getting the wrong hole, keeps slipping as he tries to push the buttons through only for them to resist. He’s better now that he has pants on, more in his own body than he has been in hours, but he’s still not entirely there, not completely whole again. He won’t be until he can put this entire fucking day behind him and he can’t even start to do that until he can get his goddamn clothes on, please just button!

He gives up on the last couple of buttons, letting them hang open; they don’t go low enough to show the flesh-colored fabric beneath, so it doesn’t matter. The rest of the shirt is fastened, though, which is good enough for now. He grabs for his uniform jacket and pulls it on without a hitch. Somehow he manages to get his socks and shoes on without sliding down the wall and cracking his head open on the tiled floor.

He’s stuffing the pageant costume into the bag so he doesn’t have to look at it anymore when he spots the pack of makeup remover wipes tucked into the bottom. He owes Naoto everything, anything; anything they want, he will gladly give them. He will run himself ragged in the TV world to earn as much money as he needs to, if only for this one last kindness that his friend has shown him.

He rips open the pack and feverishly starts to scrub at his face with the first wipe he can get his fingers around. It hurts; even through the numbness still plaguing him and the chasm between his body and his mind he can feel his skin starting to burn. He doesn’t remember if Naoto put foundation on him – he doesn’t think they did – but he scrubs and scrubs and scrubs at his eye makeup, at his cheeks, at his lips, until he can taste copper on his tongue and see stars behind his lids. He grabs another wipe and keeps going. He doesn’t dare step out of the stall until the makeup wipes come away clean.

He washes his face with cold water at the sink, both to clear away the film of makeup remover and to quell the rawness of his skin. He watches the water stream around his freezing hands just like he did yesterday and absolutely does not look up at the mirror.

Somewhere out in the hallway he can hear clock chimes; he counts them to himself long after they’ve stopped.

---

He’s almost human again when he reemerges from the bathroom and finds his way back to his friends. Truthfully he wants nothing more than to hug the living daylights out of Naoto and then roll into a ditch somewhere to sleep for a million years. He can’t, though; he knows he has to make an appearance with the rest of the group or even the most oblivious among them will get suspicious. He doesn’t have the energy to think up a lie.

He shuffles his way into the classroom and sinks down into a nearby chair, legs wobbly and threatening to fail him. Once he can focus on something other than keeping himself upright, he takes a moment to properly look around the room. It’s weird seeing it suddenly, (even through the grey veil still clouding the edges of his vision,) since he’s barely registered anything around him for the past two days. He’s exhausted and probably hungry and really just wants to go home, but there’s still that responsible part of him that thinks he should try and rejoin the living and clean up the classroom with his friends. Though, looking harder, it seems like most of the decorations have been taken down already.

Just how much time did he lose?

“There you are! Damn, I was wondering where you disappeared to.” Yosuke steps over to him, also back in his own clothes, and slumps into the chair adjacent him. There is still makeup on his face, and his hair has a crimp mark where the hair tie had previously been. He looks haggard.

Souji doesn’t say anything I return, only gives his best friend shaky smile that goes nowhere near his eyes; he doesn’t think he can manages human words right now.

Luckily it doesn’t seem like Yosuke notices. Instead, he gives Souji a pitiful look and says, “Duuuuuuude, how’d you get your makeup off? Rise keeps saying she doesn’t have anything because she ‘forgot.’” He snorts sardonically and levels an unamused look over his shoulder at where the girls are snapping pictures of Teddie still in full costume. “’Forgot,’ my ass,” he grumbles. “Probably forgot on purpose just to make us suffer longer.”

Souji makes a mental note to ask Naoto if they paid for his makeup wipes out of their own pocket, and how much he owes them for it.

He doesn’t answer – again – but he does expend a little of what energy he has left to lean over and unzip his duffle bag. He doesn’t let his eyes focus on anything inside, just feels around until the familiar crinkle of plastic reaches him. Covertly, he taps the pack of remover wipes against Yosuke’s knee.

Yosuke looks down, confused, before taking the pack with barely-contained glee. He fixes Souji with a face-splitting grin. “Oh man, you are the best, Partner!” He hurries to stand, shooting Souji a quick, “be right back,” and nigh on sprinting towards the door. He nearly runs into Kanji as he’s leaving, the other boy apparently just now returning from changing out of his own costume with the dress draped over his arm.

Yosuke actually grabs kanji by the elbow and drags him back out into the hallway with a hushed, “come on!” The two of them disappear around the corner.

It would be funny, Souji thinks; probably should be funny, but the whole situation is some kind of overly-customized personal hell, and he’s about two steps away from saying “screw it” and slinking out the door to make his own escape.

He never gets the chance.

Somewhere, at some point in his life, Souji must have cashed in all of his good luck and used it up forever because its only once Yosuke and Kanji have vanished that he realizes there’s no one left to distract the others. Rise spots him first and, with a bubbly, “Senpai, you’re back!” she hurries over and into his space.

“Look!” she beams, holding her phone out towards him, screen turned where he can see. “I took pictures of all of you!”

He makes the mistake of almost looking – even knowing full well what’s probably on her phone screen, he instinctively turns his gaze and catches sight of long silver braids.

Immediately he freezes, doesn’t let his eyes finish focusing on the image now shoved in his face. He can’t. He’s tried so hard, made absolutely sure that any mirror he passed, any reflective surface, any window for god’s sake, was kept just out of his line of vision. He’s tried, for two solid days to keep from looking at himself, to keep from thinking, and now it’s all about to come unraveled because Rise has photographic evidence of this complete massacre of a day.

He shifts his gaze over to Rise’s face instead, looks just past the edge of her cheek and doesn’t meet her eyes. He thinks he might feel his lips twitch cordially upwards at the corners – autopilot yet again – and thinks he might hear himself say something. It might be, “so I see”; it might be, “please kill me.” He isn’t sure. The room is starting to waver in his vision and the river inside his skull has begun trickling to life.

Whatever it was he said must not have been too bad, because Rise just giggles and leans back on her hip, pulling her phone with her. She grins down at it and starts poking at the screen, likely flipping through her pictures.

He wonders if he could make it to the door before she pulls up another one to show him.

Chie and Yukiko wander over, much more relaxed than Rise had been, and while that part is appreciated it’s rapidly becoming too crowded in the little sliver of classroom he’s found himself trapped in. He lets his mind pull away from his body, giving his friends a fake smile and a nod while he tries anxiously to see if he can spot Naoto anywhere. He can’t pinpoint the exact moment his subconscious started hyper-fixating on them, viewing them as safe, as shield, but he won’t complain. For once there is an anchor, a lifeline, even if Naoto can’t really do much right now; it’s been so long since he’s had any form of hope when his panic surges and rolls, tugging at him like a vicious tide. Even just knowing he wasn’t alone in this cage of people would be enough to ground him.

But Naoto isn’t here. Naoto isn’t here and Yosuke – who could have at least pulled their attention away from him – is off in the bathroom and there’s nothing to keep his heart from quickening in his chest like a frenzied moth.

“Hey could you send me those?” Chie is saying to Rise, blessedly not looking at him for the time being. “I’m gonna lord this over Yosuke’s head for weeks!”

Yukiko launches into a laughing fit and the level of static noise in the room ramps up to just shy of too much.

“You got it! Senpai, do you want me to send some to you, too? I got a bunch of cute pictures of you backstage~”

No, please no.

He pulls himself back into his own head on a burst of sheer adrenaline, clutching onto his fight or flight moment of sickening clarity to open his mouth and beg her not to---

A whirlwind of blue dress and blonde wig throws itself at him, practically into his lap, and suddenly Teddie is latched around his arm like a vice.

“Ooh ooh! Send one to me, Rise-chan! Send one to me!” He pulls a little yellow Junes-brand phone out of seemingly nowhere and shoves it into Rise’s hand. “I want a bear-utiful one of Sensei!”

Without even seeming to pause for breath, Teddie wraps back around his arm and sighs dreamily. The blonde wig brushes against his face. It feels too much like the silver one had.

Longer hair, a smaller waist, fuller hips, the swish of a skirt…

His chest is full of cinders.

Teddie beams up at him. He stares back with wide eyes, only vaguely seeing.

“You should have won, too, Sensei!” Teddie says – very loudly, right near his ear. “Just think of it! We could have been heartbreakers together, on the hunt for bear-utiful admirers!”

The cinders in his throat climb higher, choking him, burning everything in their path.

Teddie sighs again. “Sensei makes such a pretty girl.”

Everything whites out.

It’s like being dropped into dark, freezing water; his body is paralyzed, rendered immobile in the sharpest, most bone-deep way, with every inch of skin so cold it feels like a thousand shards of ice digging into him and twisting. It forces the air from his lungs, suspends it in time so that he cannot draw another breath to replace it. He feels the frigid water seep into his mind, his mouth, his chest, feels the way it drains everything from his body until he is so numb he can’t even call his limbs to shake. There is no sound, no voices – only the muted rush of the water as it claims him and fills his head with silence.

---

There are flashes of black and grey in his vision.

From far, far away, he catches a glimpse of himself in the school hallway as he throws himself out into it and against a wall. He sees Yosuke and Kanji, coming casually towards him, sees their faces as he passes, shocked and confused.

He sees the door to the stairwell. He sees the landing halfway down.

He sees Naoto near the bottom, close to the exit to the first floor, heading upwards in his direction. He sees their look of terror as they notice him, the recognition dawning in their eyes, sees them reach out as if to intercept him. He sees himself dodge, sees his body swing itself over the railing and past the last couple of steps, landing wrong and slipping, falling, catching himself with the palms of his hands and using the last of that momentum to fling himself out the door.

He sees the front entrance of the school. He sees the walkway beyond.

He sees nothing after that.

---

The world is dark around him as he slowly blinks his eyes open. He is back in his room at his uncle’s house; he can just barely make out the outline of the desk, the couch, the TV in what faint moonlight filters in through the windows behind him. The wall is hard and unforgiving at his back; the floor is cold on his already-cold legs. Vaguely he notes that he is bare from the waist up, the skin of his arms and chest and shoulders all exposed to the chill of the room.

His hands sting and his knees ache. He has no idea what time it is.

“I’m fine,” he whispers to no one. His voice, though weak and raw, echoes like a temple bell in the maddening quiet of his dark, empty bedroom. In what sounds like a dark, empty house.

He licks at his lips, closes his eyes. He leans his head back again and rests it against the wall. “I’m fine.”

His next exhale is wet and trembling, like the dying breath of a drowning victim, pulled from the river only to die with water in his lungs. There is something crusted under the fingernails of his right hand. He touches it with the tip of a finger from his left hand and finds it thick and sticky beneath the first layer. Something smells sweet and coppery. There is a long stripe of stinging pain across the side of his left arm when he shifts it. He doesn’t focus on it.

There is a buzzing noise and a square of light shines from his pants pocket in the perfect outline of his phone. He lolls his head to stare at it until it goes away. It comes back what feels like a few moments later. Again and again, he watches as it blinks until going dark once more.

“I’m fine,” he whispers as the lead in his bones pulls him down to curl up on the floor against the side of the couch.

“I’m fine,” he whispers again as he lets the exhaustion settle across him like a weighted blanket and slips his eyes close.

“I’m fine,” he whispers like a mantra as sleep finally takes him.

His dreams are full of fog and shadowy places that he does not recognize; a crumbling indoor maze with whispering voices, a rooftop surrounded on all sides by impossibly high chain link fence. He stands on one end of the red-washed roof beneath a sky of blood and onyx and watches himself watch back from the other side.

“I’m fine,” he whispers to the figure across from him.

A wail of anguish rises from their chests, long and loud and keening, and the figure lurches forward to bury its face in its hands.

“No, I’m NOT!”

14 notes · View notes

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chupulu kalisina subhavela serial is a dubbed version of the Hindi television serial, “Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon?”, which is a show on STAR plus, that was being telecasted on June 6, 2011, cast by ‘ Barun Sobti’ and ‘ Sanaya Irani’. This show stood as one of the top five daily drama serials on television channels. The show ended on 30th November 2012.

The series was from a production house of Four Lion Films and Panglosean Entertainment. chupulu, kalisina subhavela all episode in Telugu were broadcasted on MAA TV as “Chupulu Kalisina Shubhavela”, which was telecasted from 23rd July 2012, and repeated on Maa Gold The story is about an intense love-hate relationship between two individuals who have entirely different and opposite mindsets. Some of the chupulu kalisina subhavela best episodes were episode no 315, 235,236,350 and many more.

chupulu kalisina subhavela love scenes of episodes 315 are much popular in net. The story presents in a new perspective way, highlighting the confusion of how they cannot do anything without one another, and at the same time cannot be together. The show is about the love story of two people, who deeply care for each other but due to their egos, they can’t be together, presenting an interesting play of divergence between love and hate amongst their relationship.

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The cast involved is ‘Barun Sobti’ as ‘Arnav Singh Raizada’ and ‘Sanaya Irani’ as ‘ Khushi’, who played key roles in the serial and have entirely different and opposite principles in lifeThe story illustrates the journey of their lives with love-hate relationship amongst them. They testify a series of dramatic conflicts in their relationship. Arnav often tries to prove that Khushi's loyal morals were nothing to him and he has overall authority. While Khushi always keeps faith in the morals that she believes in, without letting down her values.

The climax of the show occurs with chupulu kalisina subhavela marriage episode. The show gained popularity within a short span of time. Despite gaining popularity, the show has won many awards, such as “Star Parivaar Awards”, “Indian Television Academy Awards”, “Indian Telly Award” and “The Global Indian Film and TV Honours” in different categories in 2012.

It has also been remade in the Kannada language as “ Aragini”, which telecasted on Suvarna TV, and in Bengali language as “Bojhena Shey Bojhena”. Another version of the story.. Chupulu Kalisina Shubhavela is a popular and hit serial, which was telecasted on Maa TV at 6 pm from Monday to Friday. It was started on 23rd July 2012. It was a dubbing serial of a Hindi serial, “Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon”, which was telecasted on Star Plus Channel.

It was started on 6th June 2011 and has completed 398 episodes on Star plus. Lalit Mohan and Arshaad Khan have directed Chupulu Kalisina Shubhavela serial and Rajesh Chadda, Nissar Parvez, and Gul Khan have produced this serial. chupulu kalisina subhavela cast included Barun Sobti, Sanaya Irani, Abhaas Mehta, Daljeet Kaur Bhanot, Sanjay Batra, Jayashree, Deepali Pansare, Akshay Dogra etc.

It is a drama primarily focusing on the couple Arjun and Indu. In which, Indu is a simple and traditional girl who has deep roots of the values followed in her family. She believes in the power of relationships, love and she has faith in God. On the other hand, Arjun is a rich, charming and arrogant business tycoon who has no belief in God or love.

He is closely bonded to his sister Anjali. Arjun and Indu are irritated by each other instantly but find themselves that they are more similar than they might suspect. Indu starts working at Arjun’s office. Arjun’s girlfriend, Lavanya starts staying with Arjun’s family and everyone is happy except Arjun’s grandmother.

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So, Anjali hires Indu to help Lavanya become a good daughter-in-law. Lavanya starts learning the values of good daughter-in-law from Indu and tries her best to become one. As time passes, Lavanya improves and grandmother gets impressed with her.

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In the meanwhile, Indu and Arjun realize that they love each other, but both are too stubborn to accept that. After that, Lavanya soon realizes that Arjun and Indu are in love thus, leaves Arjun and settles in London. Shyam, Anjali’s husband, after meeting Indu, falls in love with her.

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While he pretends to be a caring and loving husband and an honorable person, he secretly lusts for Indu and stays with Anjali only for her wealth.

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In some unavoidable circumstance, Indu gets engaged with Shyam without the knowledge of his marital status. However, on knowing the truth, Indu breaks off their engagement and warns Shyam to stay within his limits. Arjun decides to tell Indu that he loves her, but in the meanwhile, he misunderstands that Shyam and Indu have an affair. After many interesting twists and turns, Arjun marries Indu and they live a happy life together.

The serial – “Iss pyaar ko kya naam doon” has won the Global Indian Film and TV Honours award for the Best Lead Actor on the year 2012 and the People’s Choice Awards India award for Favorite Most Good Looking On-Screen Jodi of the year 2012.

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