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moonchildreads · 1 year ago

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small town

Chapter 15 - Don't You Want Me

IN THIS CHAPTER: Illicit library naps, a sleepover, and Important Questions get asked [7.3k]

WARNINGS: fear of coming out (lighthearted, everything turns out okay), self doubt, bisexuality? idk if that's a warning but if you haven't noticed yet, eddie and dot are both bi lol

A/N: happy pride friends! i swear to god i didn't plan for this chapter to be out and proud in june, i set the outline in stone months ago but i'm taking it as a happy accident. sorry for posting a day late, yesterday was Not Great but we should get back to friday updates this coming week. enjoy <3

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You know I can't believe it When I hear that you won't see me

Monday, May 12th - 1986

The rainy spell that haunted Hawkins at all times continued throughout most of the Monday, up until lunch time when it finally relented. The sky was still mostly dark with heavy clouds hiding the sun while the Hellfire seniors stood just outside the cafeteria doors, waiting for Eddie to be done with the conversation he was about to engage in so they could head to their next classes. All four of them - Dottie, Gareth, Donny, and Jeff - were staring pointedly at him as he approached the cheerleaders’ table.

“Got the goods, Cunningham?” Eddie raised his voice to call Chrissy’s attention.

“Yup! Got ‘em right here!” she said, smiling brightly and reaching into her pocket to grab the remaining prom tickets she’d promised to save for him. He gave her the money and she accepted it gracefully, but when he leaned forward to grab the tickets, she snapped her hand back, lifting it over her head. “You better suit up, Munson, or I’ll personally block your way in.”

“We’ll dress up, I promise,” he said, crossing his heart. “Scout’s honor.”

“You’re not a Scout, Eddie.”

“You don’t know what I get up to in my free time,” he snatched the tickets from her hand and began walking backwards quickly towards the doors. “See you around, Chris! Have a good day, ladies!”

Not a beat had passed since he’d walked away before Chrissy’s friends surrounded her, gossiping loudly about the situation they’d just witnessed. The Freak talking to their Captain? Who did he think he was?

“Ugh, he’s so… scruffy! Why do you let him talk to you like that?” Libby, a junior tumbler said, crossing her arms and burrowing further into her cheer cardigan.

“What do you mean? He was perfectly polite,” Chrissy defended him. “He just wanted to buy some prom tickets.”

“He shouldn’t be talking to you anyway, you aren’t in charge of selling them,” Melissa, a senior flyer and Chrissy’s second in command, scoffed. “I bet he’s not even gonna go, he probably just wanted an excuse to be near you. God, he’s such a freak.”

“I’m on the Prom Planning Committee, it’s more than okay if people ask me about tickets. And don’t call Eddie a freak anymore. It’s not right,” Chrissy said, stomping away to her next class.

“What the fuck is wrong with her?” Libby turned to look at her senior.

“I don’t know but she thinks she’s hot shit since that Ohio State cheer clinic she went to during Spring Break. I don’t like it,” the flyer replied, but Chrissy never heard her, already busy getting her books out of her locker.

Eddie was pulling out of his driveway to take Dottie home after their usual after school study session when she asked him to drop her off at Gareth’s instead. She mentioned they were having a sleepover at his house so they could work on a Chemistry project that had to be delivered during first period on Tuesday, and that didn’t do anything to calm the little knot Eddie was beginning to recognize as jealousy that formed at the pit of his stomach. The rational part of his brain, the one that knew there was nothing going on between two of his best friends, was at war with the dumb side that wanted to stop the van in the middle of the road and throw a tantrum. He settled on gripping the steering wheel until his fingers hurt when he saw her hug Gareth hello like she hadn’t seen him in years; the younger boy waved at him like Eddie’s heart wasn’t cracking at the slightest hint of being undesirable.

Oblivious to his friend’s feelings, Gareth guided Dottie inside towards his living room where his phone was so she could call her Dad and let him know she'd arrived safely. Once James had been informed of his daughter’s whereabouts, the teens got to work on the coffee table until Gareth’s dad came home from work. Gareth’s mom, Lydia, was a sweet looking woman with bright blue eyes her son had inherited and a big blonde hairdo. She really enjoyed being a hostess, which is why she had gladly slaved herself away in the kitchen all afternoon making a sweet and sour brisket she claimed was her specialty.

"Okay, so we're thinking regular crackers, marshmallows, cereal, toasted bread, untoasted bread, and dry pasta?" Dottie read from their notes.

"We should add something that we know is unhealthy, just to test it out."

"We have marshmallows."

"Yeah, but those are full of air, they'll probably burn really fast. We need something more dense, like… uh…," Gareth thought hard about what they could find in his pantry and still came up with nothing.

"D'you have peanuts? With the shell?"

"Peanuts are unhealthy?"

"I mean, not really, no, but they are, like, high in fat? And I bet the shells burn well."

"Let's do peanuts then," he nodded, jotting it down onto their notebook.

Their last project of the year was free choice, and after perusing a few science magazines in the library, they had settled on building a calorimeter. Truth be told, they should have done it earlier but between Mother’s Day, Hellfire and Dottie spending so much time with Eddie helping him get ready for his exams, Monday night before the project’s due date had to suffice. Gareth had asked his Dad for help to build two calorimeters, which were ready to go on the desk in his bedroom along with the blow-up mattress Dottie would be sleeping on right next to his bed. His Mom had been a little hesitant to let them bunk in the same bedroom, but her son had brought up a good point: his sister, Gretchen, would positively lose her mind if a stranger slept in her bed, so Gareth’s floor was a good compromise as long as they left the door wide open.

When Gareth’s dad, Gavriel, arrived home from a long day at work, dinner was almost ready to be served. Gareth was in the middle of an animated rant, explaining to Dottie about a very special part of their meal he had begged his Mom for to mark the special occasion. He had never really had a sleepover before, and even though they’d be up late into the night working on their project, he was still very excited at the prospect of hanging out with someone he considered one of his closest friends with no time constraints or adult supervision.

“You said you’ve never really tried Jewish food before, so I asked my Mom to make these for you,” Gareth explained, carrying a big plate to the dining table where they usually sat to do homework on Wednesdays, Dottie trailing behind him carrying cutlery and bread.

“They look like hash browns,” she said, peering at the mystery food.

“They are better than hash browns. These are called latkes. My Mom only makes them during Hanukkah, but honestly, I’d eat them every day if I could.”

“Didn’t know you did Hanukkah,” Dottie frowned. “Didn’t you say you went to your Grandparents’ for Christmas last year?”

“Yeah, we do both! And neither, now that I think about it,” he frowned too, like he was just realizing something about his own traditions. “We’re not really religious, I mean… We celebrate, but it’s more about family and getting together. We mix both sides.”

Gavriel was Jewish and Lydia was not, which in turn made their children half-Jewish. This was something Gareth’s friends were aware of, but didn’t entirely understand since they never really talked about what it meant. This, coupled with the fact that the youngest Coleman hadn’t really had close friends until he reached high school and joined Hellfire, led to his now very apparent enthusiasm while showing Dottie everything that made him… well, him. He didn’t consider himself spiritual in the broad sense of the word, but being Jewish was one of the only things he had always known about himself, the part of his identity that no matter what happened would always be his and he was proud of who he was.

Dottie sat at the dinner table with Gareth and his parents to share a lovely meal together and wondered for the millionth time in her life what it would be like to have siblings. She knew her friend and Gretchen, his older sister, hardly saw eye to eye: she was outgoing, sporty, had a lot of friends and a loving boyfriend, and Gareth was nerdy, shy, and obsessed with horror movies to a degree people that didn’t know him too well found off putting. Despite these differences though, it was clear from the way Gareth spoke about his sister that he would gladly walk through literal fire for her, even though he was the first one to chew her out every time she came home and left enough hair to make a wig on their shower wall. He put two latkes on Dottie’s plate, one with applesauce on top, the other one with sour cream and waited for her verdict, big blue eyes shining with excitement.

“Which one’s your fave?” Dottie asked him, holding the one with sour cream like Lydia was doing across from her.

“I’m not gonna tell you, you can’t be biased,” Gareth scoffed, fork halfway to his mouth full of decadent meat. “Gotta form your own opinion.”

“I’m gonna try them both, I just wanted to know which one you liked more,” she defended herself before trying a bit without any sauce first, just to get a feel of the texture. “Okay, yeah, I see what you meant now. These are better than hash browns.”

“Told ya,” he grinned. “Now try it with the sour cream.”

“Gareth, don’t be pushy,” Gavriel warned, but there was no need, she was already on her second bite.

Gareth waited with bated breath as she switched to her other latke, this one with applesauce. He watched her chew, her face giving away nothing while she wiped her hand on a napkin. A few moments of silence went by, both Lydia and Gavriel looking at each other with curious eyes, their son’s eyebrows going higher each second that ticked by. He had never been particularly patient, and Dottie was making him sweat for her review.

“So?” he asked, leaning towards her. “Which one’s better?”

“Are you gonna throw me out if I don’t agree with you?”

“Dot.”

“Sour cream’s better,” she said, and he groaned loudly. “It’s not that applesauce is bad, I just liked the other one more! The chives in the cream make it feel special. Thank you for making these for us, Mrs. Coleman, they are great.”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me, sweetie!” said Lydia, beaming at the praise. “I like them with chives better too.”

“You are both so wrong,” Gareth said, looking at his father for support. “Tell them they’re wrong, Dad.”

“I like them with both sauces,” Gavriel declared before kissing Lydia’s cheek. “Your mother is a great cook, just eat and be grateful.”

“Ugh. Got no allies in this house.”

“Finish your dinner, Gare, it’s getting cold,” Lydia said, knowing better than anyone else how dramatic her son could be.

As the dinner progressed and his parents chatted with Dottie, eager to know more about her, Gareth couldn’t help but notice just how different it was to have a female best friend than to only have multiple sweaty metalheads around all the time. He loved Jeff, Donny, and Eddie, and he was pretty confident that he would go to war for them if they ever needed him to, but there was a soft quality to his friendship with Dot he had never really experienced before, not even with his sister. He felt less pressure to be traditionally boyish, could have longer, deeper talks and not have to worry about anyone making fun of his feelings when they overwhelmed or confused him. And truthfully, it wasn’t that he couldn’t be 100% himself with the boys, but having a girl in their tight-knit group had meant they were now a lot more careful about how they approached certain topics, or how they behaved in general.

No more farting around in each other’s faces when they got into the van or pausing to stare at boobs during Fast Times at Ridgemont High - they were much more in tune with each other now, noticing the little things they would have easily disregarded before, like Jeff’s apprehension towards the big brother he had once looked up to and tried to emulate, or Donny’s budding excitement at the thought of joining his family’s business after graduation. Or perhaps it hadn’t been Dottie at all who had changed the dynamic of their group, and they had simply, well, grown up. Graduation was just a month away, after all.

After dinner, Gareth’s parents retreated to their living room to relax after a long day while the teens gathered their supplies and slipped outside to the garage to do the practical portion of their project. Gavriel had spent a couple of hours on Saturday helping his son build all the necessary parts for two homemade bomb calorimeters; mainly they had just drilled holes into cans and hoped things would fit in once assembled. Once everything was in place, they got to work with the ease of two people who had been lab partners for a while and knew exactly what their tasks were: Dottie was in charge of the charts and Gareth of the equations. They were both equally excited about the burning though.

“God, this smells like a s’more,” he groaned, the barely there fire under their can of water consuming a marshmallow.

“I don’t like s’mores,” she said, jotting something down on their chart.

“You are so weird.”

They were both sitting in the driveway in front of the garage, the pavement under their jeans a little bit chilly from the day’s overcast sky. They had already burned the bread (toasted and untoasted), cereal, and dry pasta, and were now moving onto the remaining foods, the sickly sweet marshmallow scent mixing with the smoke in the night air.

“So…,” Gareth began, measuring the temperature of the water in the can.

“So?”

“Heard Eddie got you a ticket for prom.”

“Yeah,” she said, nonchalantly. “We got into an argument last week and he wanted to make it up to me.”

“Are you two going together now?”

“No, we’re still going as a group. He just did something nice for me.”

“Sure,” he smirked. “Something nice. Absolutely not strange at all.”

“Just spit it out, G, what do you actually want to ask?” Dottie turned to him with a tired expression.

“What’s going on between you two?”

“Nothing!” she said, a little bit too defensively, which made him lift an eyebrow in response. “Nothing is going on, I promise. We’re just friends.”

“Dot, come on,” he shook his head, big curls swaying back and forth. “Are you seriously telling me that you two aren’t swapping spit during your dates? He bought you a prom ticket, he takes you to dinner all the time, he might as well have fucking tattooed your name on his left tit.”

“Okay, first of all, ew. Swapping spit, really? God have mercy on however kisses you,” she ducked to avoid a marshmallow to her head. “Second, we don’t go on dates. We get together to study and sometimes we eat together, that’s it. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened, so knock it off, okay?”

Gareth saw her jaw clench and decided to drop the subject entirely, switching topics to their current assignment and the different smells certain charred food reminded him of. They completed their work quickly and efficiently, packing up for the night before retreating to the safety of his bedroom. He offered her his shower and Dottie accepted it gladly, desperate for a few minutes alone to clear her head. He fished out clean towels from the hallway storage cupboard, and sent her on her merry way to the Jack and Jill he shared with his sister, wondering if maybe he’d mistaken the signals he’d gotten from watching two of his best friends interact with each other.

Dottie was spiraling. There was no other way to describe what she was doing while staring at the big bottle of hair conditioner in Gareth and Gretchen’s shared bathroom. The water was scalding, leaving her skin pink and her fingers pruny but she didn’t attempt to move from under the stream for several seconds. Had she really been that obvious? Could people tell that she liked Eddie? Could he tell? What if he didn’t know, but found out and was disgusted about it? She’d shared so much of her past lately, what if he used it as a weapon to hurt her? Oh, but Eddie wasn’t like that. He could be mean when he wanted to, but never to his friends, or at least not intentionally. He could be harsh sometimes, but he didn’t mean to hurt anyone. And besides, he’d offered up his life story to her too so that meant he trusted her. But what if he started hating her? What if he hated that he’d confided in her while she was secretly harboring this big ass crush that seemed to grow every day and left her breathless every time their hands touched? What if -

“Dot? You okay in there?” Gareth’s voice cut straight through the madness swirling inside her head.

“Y-yeah! I’ll be out in a sec!”

“Okay! You want egg cream?”

“What?” she turned off the water and wrapped herself in a fluffy baby pink towel, padding closer to the door.

“Egg cream, it’s like an ice cream float but with no ice cream. Like foamy chocolate milk. You wanna try it?”

“Uh, okay. Sure!”

She could hear him walking away towards the kitchen, socks cushioning his steps, and quickly changed into her pajamas trying to come back down to the present. Gareth had always been incredibly nice to her, and she considered themselves to be pretty close. She thought of all the boys as her best friends, but Gareth and her had immediately clicked in a way that was different than with the rest of them. Jeff was very much an equal, a calming presence, the friend she turned to when she was nervous and needed advice, and he sought her out for comfort as well, their relationship shaped around a sort of gentle give and take. On the other hand, Donny was the big brother she’d never had, guiding her in D&D when she felt particularly lost, sharing music with her, and helping her become more confident in her own skin. She’d return his affections with endless enthusiasm and curiosity, their friendship based on mutual admiration and genuine fondness. And Gareth… Gareth was the rambunctious twin she’d always dreamed of. They bickered incessantly, she’d steal his sweatshirts and then let him copy off her homework, and he’d threaten to burp in her face only to then steer her away from bullies in the hallways. Out of all their friends, he was the most likely to give her his real opinion on something without filtering it, and that’s why when she hung up the towel to dry, she decided he deserved to know the truth.

“Hey,” he said, looking up from the glass he was pouring chocolate syrup into. “You can have that one, I didn’t make you a big one in case you didn’t like it.”

“Thanks,” Dottie smiled lightly, and he smiled back. “What did you say this was called? Creamed egg?”

“Egg cream,” Gareth snorted. “It’s chocolate milk, but with seltzer. It sounds crazy but it’s really good, I promise.”

Dottie took a small sip and scrunched her face instantly making him laugh. With a confused expression, she went in for a second sip, and then a third one. She wiped the foam from her upper lip and set the cup down.

“It’s not gross, but it’s not good either.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird, right? That’s why I like it. It’s better with Fox’s U-Bet, but I only have Hershey’s,” he said, before taking a big gulp and downing half his glass in one go. “Ready for bed?”

“Can we take down your Freddy Krueger poster? It gives me the creeps.”

“You’re such a baby,” he teased her, but he was already on his way to his bedroom to unpin it from his wall.

They settled in for the night after brushing their teeth while sharing the sink, playfully bumping each other with their elbows for more space. Gareth not only took his Freddy Krueger poster down, but also his Night of the Living Dead and The Evil Dead posters while Dottie fluffed her pillow, the air mattress bouncing softly every time she moved. They lay in the dark for a few minutes, moonlight barely giving shape to the bumps in the bedroom before she turned to him.

"G?" Dottie whispered, not wanting to wake him up if he'd already fallen asleep.

"Yeah?"

"If I tell you a secret, you promise not to tell anyone? Not even the guys?"

"Of course," the sheets shifted against his legs as he rolled onto his side and she saw his hand extend until it was right next to her. "Pinky swear."

She lifted her own hand up and linked pinkies with him, shaking on it once. He stayed on his side, squinting in the darkness to see her profile but she never spoke. He thought she'd maybe dozed off, but the blow-up mattress began crackling when she turned on her side to look at him. A car sped down the street illuminating the room and both teens stared at each other until the lights dimmed again. Gareth could tell, if only for a brief moment, that she was terrified of what was stuck in her throat.

"Do you… do you wanna, like, come up here?" he asked, thinking of how he used to climb into his sister's bed when he had nightmares as a kid. Gretchen would always protest against it, but when he woke up in her arms after the sun had gone up, he knew she didn't really mind that much.

"Yeah. Yes, thank you. Just for a bit, though."

"Just for a bit," he repeated, moving back towards the wall and leaving space for her to crawl under his covers.

They lay on their sides sharing a pillow, their heads so close they could have smelled each others’ minty breaths if they just inched forward a bit more. By all means, the situation should have been extremely weird, but it wasn't. There was no rush, no expectations, just two friends waiting until one of them was brave enough to spill some truth into the midnight. Only mild nervousness at the conversation that was about to unfold could be found on Gareth's bed at that moment.

"I think I like Eddie," Dottie said, breaking the silence and bracing for an impact that never came.

"You think you like Eddie?"

"I… no. No, I know I like him. I like Eddie."

"Okay. And he doesn't know?"

"I haven't told him, so I hope not."

"And you don't know if he likes you back?"

"I was kinda hoping you'd help me out on that."

"Well," Gareth began. "Not sure I can. I've known him for years and he just doesn't talk about that stuff with us. Not since Polly Sue at least."

"Polly Sue?"

"This girl he liked back when we first met him. They were in junior year, I think they sat together in class. He asked her to prom and she laughed at him in front of everyone," he explained. "It was really bad. Her friends made fun of him for like a whole week."

"That's horrible."

"He never talked about girls again after that. I know he's kissed some after gigs but it hasn't happened in months."

"Maybe he found someone he likes?" she said, chest seizing at the thought.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. He's literally spending all his free time with you, so you must be doing something right. I bet he likes you too, but he’s too awkward to say it."

"Yeah? You think so?"

"Yeah! Come on, he'd be a dumbass if he didn't like you back. You're great!"

"You have to say that, you're my best friend," she nudged his leg with hers.

"As your best friend I have to also tell you that you're a freak for not liking latkes with applesauce."

"You're the freak, you sleep with socks on."

Both teens giggled at the absurdity of their fight, Gareth swinging a leg over her hip while she gave him a hug with her left arm only, the right one tucked under her head. He hugged her back, also with one arm, his chin barely touching her forehead.

"You know, if you really want to know, you could just ask him," he suggested.

"I can't walk up to him and go "hey Eddie! Do you like me? Oh, why am I asking you say? Don't worry about it, just curious!". Like, I'd literally rather fucking fall into the quarry."

"I'm not saying you should ask him like that, smartass. You could just ask him if he likes anyone, it’s a friendly question."

"And if he says he does and it's not me?"

"Then you know and you can move on. But honestly, I don't think you should worry. He got you a ticket for prom, he's getting all his grades up for you. I think you're good. Just, keep going like that, y'know? Show him what he’s getting with you if he grows some balls."

"You're really smart sometimes, you know that?" she teased, but her voice was full of fondness.

"Eh, I have my moments," he grinned.

They chatted for another hour, gossiping about things they'd heard in the hallways and making plans for the summer after graduation, the places they wanted to see, the food they wanted to try, the people they wanted to meet. Dottie slipped back into her mattress when the yawns became frequent, sheets cold but heart warm with the knowledge that if everything failed, she'd always could count on Gareth to be her best cheerleader.

Tuesday, May 13th - 1986

If Eddie thought dropping Dottie off at Gareth’s the previous night was bad for his blood pressure, he had no way of preparing himself for the absolute shock it was to see them hanging onto each other near Jeff’s locker where all his friends were congregating before their third period. Gareth was barely awake, clinging to Dottie to keep himself upright despite his head lolling onto hers every few seconds. Dottie looked equally sleepy but seemed to be less in danger of falling to the floor, shoulder tucked under his armpit and locking her body in place. All of that would have been enough to give Eddie a heart attack, but the fact that she was wearing Gareth’s oversized Van Halen sweatshirt tucked into her overalls had his brain firing in wild directions.

"Hey, man," Donny said, standing next to Jeff.

"Hey. You two good?" he asked the tired duo.

"Hi, Ed," Dottie smiled at him sleepily, and Eddie felt his insides turn to mush. "We got an A+."

"First A+ I've gotten since middle school," Gareth muttered, eyes closed but with a satisfied grin on his lips.

"Probably the last one too," Jeff teased, making the curly haired boy blindly lunge at him.

The sudden movement dislodged Dottie’s comfy stand, making her wobble against Eddie's side, left hand coming up to clutch the front of his shirt softly. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders to help stabilize her, but truth be told, he just wanted to hold her and it seemed like a good enough excuse. She didn’t seem to mind, letting herself relax into his soft embrace.

"Sorry," she said, stifling a yawn. "We stayed up really late last night, I'm exhausted."

"I can see that. You wanna skip Calc and take a nap in my van?"

"We can't skip Calc, finals are in a couple of weeks."

"Princess, you're dead on your feet right now."

"We aren't skipping Calc," she said firmly. "I'll nap in the library during fourth."

"Okay," he chuckled. "I'll wake you up for lunch."

Eddie didn't have the heart to wake her up after she fell asleep. Once fourth period started and they were free to study wherever they wanted, he dragged her towards a dark-ish corner at the back of the library and worked on his drawing portfolio quietly while she snoozed on the carpeted floor, her head resting on his lap. She slept straight through fourth period and lunch, and he made no attempts to rouse her from her slumber before the bell rang signaling the start of the last period and the end to their shared classes for the day. He walked her to her Home Economics classroom where Donny was waiting to fully wake her up with a bone-crunching hug, and hurried towards the Biology class he shared with Jeff who asked about their absence at the lunch table with a worried expression.

By the time they all reconvened in the parking lot at the end of the day, she was looking much more alive and he was hungry as hell. They didn’t stop to get snacks as they so often did, choosing instead to share Dottie’s BLT and chips she’d packed for lunch and the brownies she’d made during Home Ec on their drive to the trailer. She didn’t even wipe his tepid bottle of water before taking her own sip, and he hung onto that detail for far longer than he should have. Who could care about her wearing Gareth’s clothes when she lifted a bit of sandwich to his mouth while his hands were busy switching gears and pulling into a turn?

Wayne, as always, was happy to see her and gave her a big hug when they walked into the trailer. Dottie offered the last piece of brownie to him and Eddie could have sworn the old man thought about bringing out adoption papers right there and then. He left them to chat while he rearranged the mess in his bedroom and then the two teens retreated to the dry comfort of his bed, looming clouds threatening to rain again after it had drizzled all morning. Nobody had told Dottie the midwest was this goddamn rainy before she’d made the big move, but she’d much preferred it to how hot she knew summer was going to get as the days went by. She finished her homework for the day quickly and Eddie let her wander around his room while he steadily worked on his, Biology textbook open next to his knee.

When he was on his last question, he noticed she seemed to be bouncing with energy, keeping herself busy by rearranging his tape collection again. He snapped his textbook shut with enough force for her to jolt her head up, and as soon as he’d cleared his bed from any stray papers, she jumped on it, kneeling in front of his crossed legs with shifty eyes and rosy cheeks.

“Okay, spill. You look like Gareth when he overhears something juicy in the hallway,” Eddie said, leaning back onto the wall behind his bed and crossing his arms.

“Speaking of Gareth,” she began, and Eddie waited patiently. “We were talking about prom last night, and, well, it doesn’t really matter, but I was just wondering if you… because we’re all going together as a group, right? But you got me my ticket and I didn’t want things to be awkward if you did so I thought-”

“Princess, I’m so lost right now.”

“Right. Sorry,” she said sheepishly. She took a deep breath while she rearranged her legs to sit criss-cross in front of him. “I was just wondering if there was someone you liked, you know? At school? Because you got me my ticket and I’m really grateful, but I don’t want to ruin things for you if you want to get a date or something.”

“Did Gareth tell you I liked someone?” he narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“No! No, I asked him about- I can pay you back if you want,” she wrung her hands on her lap.

“You don’t have to pay me back,” he said, sitting up. “I don’t… there isn’t anyone I want to take to prom. I want to go with you. And, y’know, the guys. Hellfire Class of ‘86 and all that, right?”

“Yeah, no, I just thought…,” she chewed on her lower lip, not knowing where to take the conversation. “It’s okay if you wanna go with someone else.”

“Do you want to go with someone else?” Eddie asked, wary.

“I wanna go with you,” she said, and looked up at him suddenly. “Hellfire Class of ‘86, l-like you said.”

“Okay,” he said, untangling her wrung fingers and pulling one hand into his. “Good. Nothing’s changing then. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“Okay,” she repeated. “Good.”

Eddie pulled her by her hand until she fell forward into him, legs tangled on top of his blanket and arms around hers. Where were these questions coming from? Had Gareth mentioned something to make her doubt that he wanted nothing more than to take her to prom? He couldn’t wait until the moment he got to sit next to her in his van with her fancy dress on and a love stricken smile on his face. Dottie settled comfortably on his chest, the side of her nose pressed to his sternum, cheek squished against the soft cotton of his shirt. He wondered if she felt it too, that inexplicable pull between them, that overwhelming need to be close, to feel the heat coming off from each other’s skin.

One time very early into their friendship, Mike had mentioned that it was strange how touchy they both were with one another considering they hadn’t known each other for long. Eddie was someone who never hesitated to pull a friend into his arms, always play fighting with the boys, not entirely understanding what the phrase “personal space” meant. He was loud and boisterous, and he was equally showy in his affections regardless who was on the receiving end: Eddie Munson didn’t half ass anything - anything that mattered to him, anyways. Dottie on the other hand was much more reserved, but still didn’t shy away from physical contact. She was always letting her head fall into someone’s shoulder, consistently linking her arm with her friends’ while they walked through hallways, giving everyone strawberry chapstick kisses on their cheeks as a goodbye. But even after Dustin had pointed all of this out to Mike and everyone had agreed with his assessment and dropped the subject, Eddie had never stopped thinking about it.

In more recent times, he’d begun hoping that maybe all the work he was putting in was actually coming to fruition. He still had a long way to go in his eyes, but he couldn’t complain about the fact that he was currently holding the girl he was secretly in love with while laying on his bed, in the room she had helped clean, with his tummy full of the food she’d prepared. Would it really be too much of a sin to push things further a little bit? To start figuring out where he stood compared to everyone else in her life?

“What about you?” Eddie asked, hand coming up to brush her broken curls out of her face.

“Hm?”

“Do you like someone at school?”

“Not really, no,” she muttered, and he could feel her heart rate pick up under his own chest.

“What about Gareth?”

“Ew,” she said instantly, making him snort. “I love him, but I don’t like him like that. He’s like… Like an annoying brother. Did you know he snores?”

“Be glad all he did was snore. I’ve heard him fart in his sleep and it’s not pretty,” she chuckled. “Be honest now though,” he paused dramatically. “Do I snore?”

“You don’t snore,” she lifted her head, chin hovering where her cheek had been. “Do I?”

“Yeah. Thought we were gonna get kicked out of the library today, it was like an earthquake,” he said, making her gasp and slap his side. “No, you don’t snore, darling. You slept like a baby.”

“What about you though?”

“Do I sleep like a baby?”

“No - Do you like someone?”

“Not really,” now it was his turn for his heart rate to pick up. He hoped she couldn’t feel it under her hands that were now between her chin and his chest.

“What about Chrissy?”

“What about her?” he was confused.

“Dunno. The guys said you weren’t friends until recently and I just wondered. She’s pretty.”

“I suppose so, yeah,” Eddie thought about Chrissy for a bit. He did think she was pretty, but in the same way he thought a sunset was pretty. Nice to look at, pleasant to be around, but not particularly breathtaking. Not to him at least. He hoped Jason Carver thought Chrissy was as stunning as the way he thought Dottie with her wild hair lying on top of him right now was. She deserved that kind of adoration. “I don’t really see her that way. She’s a good friend, though. I told her she should talk to you, I think you’d get along.”

“Why?”

“Why I think you’d get along?” he asked for confirmation, Dottie nodded. Because I’m in love with you and she’s gonna be my maid of honor slash best woman slash whatever that shit’s called at our wedding. “You’re in World History together, right? You’re both sweet, and kind, and caring. And you both like Elton John. And Queen!”

“Everyone likes Queen.”

“Yeah, but not everyone has their records. I don’t. You could talk about that with her, she owns all of them. She says her Dad always gets a new one for her when he’s on a work trip.”

“You really are good friends with her, huh?”

“Like you and Gareth,” he said, wanting to make it clear his eyes were not wandering. He didn’t need Dottie thinking he wasn’t interested in her. “Well, maybe without the sleepovers.”

“Isn’t it dumb though?” Dottie said, furrowing her brow in mild irritation. “How people just assume that if you’re friends with someone of the opposite sex you must be into them?”

“I mean, sometimes friends like each other.”

“Sure, yeah, but not all friends do. Like, no one thinks you and Jeff are dating and I’ve seen you two almost kiss sharing a mic. If you did that with Chrissy, people would think there’s something going on.”

“Dot, you know exactly why people think that,” he lifted an eyebrow. “Fuck Reagan, remember?”

Dottie sat up immediately, looking very rigid. He took his time sitting up too, but took it as a win when she grabbed his hand and began playing with his rings. It almost looked like she was preparing herself to drop a bomb on him, and he couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t necessary. He knew what she was gonna say before she even opened her mouth, because whatever she looked like right now, was exactly how Eddie looked like a few years back when Wayne found a very special magazine he’d bought in Indy hidden underneath his bed amongst all the other ones he didn’t care to put away properly most of the time.

“Eddie, there’s… there’s something you should-”

“I know,” he said, thumb ghosting along hers. “Me too.”

“You too?” she said, confusion and hope mixing in her eyes. He nodded.

“Darling, you love Rocky Horror. That’s kind of a dead giveaway.”

“I like musicals,” she tried to pull back her hand but he held on.

“You do. But we both know it’s not Rocky and Brad you’re into when you watch it.”

“And,” Dottie swallowed a big lump in her throat before continuing. “-that’s okay with you?”

“Why would I care? It’s not like I watched it for Janet,” he revealed, a knowing smile on his face.

“So you like… boys?” she asked, wanting to turn all the cards on the table upright.

“And girls,” he said, her eyes snapping back to his. “And you like girls?”

“And boys. Like you.”

“Like me.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before she let out an airy laugh, like she had been holding it for a while. Eddie wondered if he was the first person she’d ever told this to. Maybe someday he’d tell her that Wayne wouldn’t care either, and when it happened, she’d tell him that her Auntie Rachel didn’t mind as well, but for now, this shared secret would stay between the four walls of Eddie’s bedroom that no longer smelled like mold or vinegar. It smelled like home.

“Have you…,” Dottie began, not knowing how to ask. He picked up on what she meant instantly.

“Yeah. A couple of times at The Hideout. The guys don’t know though.”

“Do you think they’d have a problem with it?”

“I’m not sure, but I don’t think I’m ready to find out yet,” he said honestly. She nodded in agreement. “Have you?”

“Just one time. A kiss at a party. We were playing Truth or Dare.”

“Real steamy,” he joked, and she pushed him lightly.

“I was fifteen, okay? It was enough to send me into cardiac arrest.”

“I bet. I thought I was having a weird trip my first time. Didn’t help that we definitely smoked some strange shit before.”

“I feel silly now,” she admitted. “I thought you’d be upset.”

“Come here.”

He opened his arms and she crawled between his legs, squeezing his middle. He rocked them both side to side for a bit to make her giggle and loosen up. Eddie had a good feeling about where they were headed after this and let himself enjoy it, knowing that the knot in his stomach he’d identified as jealousy had begun unraveling. She didn’t like anyone at school and now she knew that he didn’t either. This was good. Things could grow on fertile ground, and he was doing a damn good job at prepping the soil. It was time, he felt, to turn up the heat.

“Hey,” he said, and she hummed in acknowledgement, not lifting her head from his shoulder. “So, you know my birthday is this week, right? Jeff was telling me today that we could have a movie night in his basement. You game?”

“On Thursday?”

“I was thinking on Friday after Hellfire. And on Thursday you can come over and we can, like, hang out? Wayne said he’s gonna get a cake, and I’d kinda really like to spend the day with you both. Nothing big. We can still do homework and stuff, I mean, I’m only halfway done with my portfolio and-”

“I’d love to come. Count me in, birthday boy.”

“Great. I’ll tell Wayne later.”

Later that night, when Dottie was tucked into her own bed after two long days filled with very interesting conversations, she pondered on Gareth’s words. Show him what he’s getting with you if he grows some balls, he had said. Just before she fell asleep, a sudden thought entered her brain and stuck to the front pushing away everything else. Maybe I am the one that needs to grow some balls.

taglist (comment below or shoot me a dm if you want to be added!): @munsonology @kurdtbean

#bunny writes #small town fic #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson #eddie munson x ofc #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #stranger things 4 #gareth stranger things #jeff stranger things #chrissy cunningham #joseph quinn #baby's first fic

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grimmylover7 · 8 months ago

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Tag: 5 Songs: 3 Outfits

The lovely @skoll-sun-eater tagged me in this and it was way more difficult than I expected it to be!!??!

I'm not even sure who to tag so i'm just gonna throw some random @'s all over the place and if you see yourself pop up, and you've already done it, just tag me on that post. I'm an idiot XD

@duskvivie @thehautecouturewhore @capriskunk @imgnnafurgf

Rules: Post 5 songs associated with your OC(s), followed by 3 outfits they would wear.

First up:

Eden "Rook" Davis:

"Can't Tame Her" by Zara Larsson

"And you can't tie her down When the night comes around Said she gonna party all night (all night) And you can't change her Can't blame her, can't tame her Can't tame her magic energy She's so magnetic, pulls you in every time (every time)"

______________________________________________

Take Me Back To Eden by Sleep Token

"My, my, those eyes like fire I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre Come now, bite through these wires I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire

I will travel far beyond the path of reason Take me back to Eden"

______________________________

Cherry Wine by Hozier

"Her fight and fury is fiery Oh but she loves Like sleep to the freezing Sweet and right and merciful I'm all but washed In the tide of her breathing

And it's worth it, it's divine I have this some of the time"

________________________________

FREAK by Demi Lovato

"Pinch me, singe me, inch me to the edge Prod me, laud me, ungodly but heaven sent

Get your tickets to the freak show, baby Step right up to watch the freak go crazy

I am what I am and what I am is a piece of meat Take a bite just to watch me bleed, freak"

____________________________________

Wasteland by Seether

"I remember the way you left me broken Don't shed a tear for me Nobody seems to be willing to save me from purgatory Nobody seems to be able to shed the treadwheel"

Outfit ideas/Inspiration (Not mine btw, all found on pinterest)

She prefers to cover up because of the scarring. Tight fit clothes if possible. Head to toe. Maybe bare arms but even that's pushing it. She likes rough material too, something to scratch at her skin to bring sensation back in places were nerve damage left her numb.

ALRIGHT NOW:

Victor Cain:

Just Pretend by Bad Omens

"I'm not afraid of the war you've come to wage against my sins I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend

I can wait for you at the bottom I can stay away if you want me to I can wait for years if I gotta Heaven knows I ain't getting over you I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same"

__________________________________________________

The Summoning by Sleep Token

"Oh, and my love Did I mistake you for a sign from God? Or are you really here to cut me off? Or maybe just to turn me on 'Cause these days I would be lying if I told you that I didn't wish that I could be your man"

__________________________________________________

Just A Cloud Away by Pharrell Williams

"So What? You've blown a fuse? Well that happens to us all. Well, I come with great news. The day could change, change, change, change. We've all, of course, been there before Been there, crying, fighting, the dark. Let good energy be your strong - Wont get away-way-way-way This rainy day is temporary."

____________________________________________

Lighthouse Keeper by Sam Smith

"Yeah, I see you looking, Looking for a sign Praying for a beacon, So here's the light My arms will be wide open For the moment you arrive, arrive When you set sail on your journey And happiness is far away Love will guide you 'til the morning Lead your heart down to the bay Don't resist the rain and storm I'll never leave you lost at sea"

_________________________________________

How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty

"I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world, But its feeling just like every other morning before, Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,

Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend, Let's see how far we've come"

Outfit Ideas/Inspiration:

Victor is a layers kind of dude unless he's in gear. Then it's bulky enough for his tastes as is. He likes feeling weighted down. Definitely owns a weighted blanket somewhere lol

So yeah, here my Deputies, I hope this is informative to my precious babies in Chokehold because they are both dweebs and in need of loves <3 Thank @skoll-sun-eater for the tag!!!!

#tag game #fc5 #far cry 5 #my ocs #ao3 #fanfiction #chokehold #deputy rook #Deputy Victor

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totaldramafan-lauri · 1 month ago

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Maintenance is almost overrrrrrrrr!!! Aaaaaaa, I'm so so so so so hyped a-and giddy- I-I can't wait.....! >//////////<

B-but first, before I play (which won't be until later tonight), I-I wanna....c-clarify something.......a-about my self-shipping posts......

Wh-while I will be simping over Immortal Golden Cheese....like....a-a lot.....I guarantee......a-and all I can promise is that I'll try not to be TOO unhinged, b-but I'm sorry in advance if I fail, I'm sorry, she's just so STUNNING......E-easily my new fav design in the whole game......>////////<

But.....the awakened forms of the ancients are NOT permanent changes. They're transformations. W-we know this, cuz we see Dark Cacao back in his base form at the end of episode 4.....I-it'll be the same for all of them.

S-so.....I-I won't be making any......um, drabbles, about her in that form, cuz.....w-well, it's a form meant for emergencies. Sh-she's not gonna transform into it just to have fun with me. Sh-she's gonna save it for a rainy day after this......

I-I might love that form, and m-maybe I COULD make a post about me seeing it for the first time, but...m-mostly, it's gonna be an "admire from a distance" deal.....

M-my self-shipping posts, are still gonna be of her normal form....wh-which is fine, cuz she's already gorgeous enough as that.....Sh-she doesn't need to transform for me to simp any harder for her......Wh-when just her being there is enough.....>////////<

S-still.....l-love her in every form....

#lauri is a simp #also just like last time i dont want story spoilers

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merge-conflict · 9 months ago

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persistence

Once an attacker manages to gain access to the network, via exploit or other method of compromise, they will seek to gain some measure of persistence, i.e. a way of maintaining their access. That access can then be leveraged to allow them to further explore the network, exfiltrate data, and escalate privileges.

water wears away stone

3.6k - explicit - cw: dysphoria, suicidal ideation

Post-ending. Valentine is back working for Arasaka, but she still secretly makes time for Johnny, who is body-hopping in dolls with Alt's help (and the doll's permission). Things go a little different from usual.

written for @silverv-week :3 (prompt: no-tell motel)

It’s a rainy day in Night City– a rainy day in a string of rainy days that’s turned streets into spent fuel pools, stripping all the grime off the buildings to collect in the gutter. The whole city smells like a sewer, and inside the bar where Johnny sits waiting he can also smell the moldy bloom of rot. Things are busier than usual, full of gonks looking to drown their sorrows in alcohol instead of floodwater. The space he’s carved out for himself has grown smaller and smaller, his neighbors crowding in around his stool, some of them just looking to get the bartender’s attention and some of them buzzing like flies on meat.

He tries to wave down the bartender for another drink, but another body slides in front of him– some two-bit corpo with a cheap suit just starting his night. There are times when Johnny misses his body more than others, and this is one of them– just the sleazy smile on the other man’s face makes him wish he could rearrange it. But dolls are built for flash, not fire, and his arm is perfectly polished Realskinn, not heavy metal.

“You look too good to be here alone,” the corpo says, “Who’re you waiting for?”

“Waiting for a goddamn drink,” Johnny snaps, setting his empty glass down onto the bar with a heavy thunk.

The man laughs, but it’s a mean superior little laugh. “I can help with that.”

“Fuck off,” Johnny says. “Got a better chance of getting your dick sucked by bending over.”

“Hey, bitch–“ All of the corpo’s charm dissolves into an arrogant sneer. “–you’d better watch how you speak to me.

“Or what?” Johnny asks, leaning in. “You gonna cry to daddy?”

The corpo grabs his arm, and on instinct Johnny throws a quick jab up into his jaw. His head snaps back, but his grip stays strong as he drags Johnny closer and the first set of alarm bells start ringing as he realizes he’s not strong enough to just pull free. “You’re gonna pay for that you cheap fucking whore–“

The asshole is cut off by someone suddenly grabbing his shoulder and punching him in the back of the head so hard he collapses like a puppet with its strings cut, hitting the floor with a crash that causes a silence to settle in the bar save for the blare of the television. V stands over his body, soaked to the bone, hair plastered to her face, and a slight sneer on her lips. Her chrome left hand is still curled into a tight fist. She rolls the body over with her foot, eyes sparking for a moment before she loses interest and steps over him to join Johnny at the bar.

He always wonders if she’ll recognize him, but she always does. This time is no exception. She smiles at him, in the way that gets his blood pumping even higher, and more importantly, even lower. The corpo she laid out had been drinking something brown– she tosses it back and sets the glass down with a thunk and a contented sigh. Johnny grabs her by the collar to pull her down for a kiss and tastes some kind of sickly sweet brandy on her tongue, hears the drunken laughter of their neighbors at the bar. She pulls away first, letting out a deep breath but keeping her head bowed so their foreheads touch.

“Was starting to think you weren’t coming,” he tells her.

“Had to wait to make my entrance,” she says, darkly amused.

“My own personal knight in shining armor.” He pulls her closer by her belt buckle and hears the smile in her sharp exhale. “You hoof it all the way here from downtown?”

“Got busy–“

They’re interrupted by the groan of the idiot still entangled in between the bar stool legs and V’s feet. She watches impassively as he struggles to pull himself free and then staggers to his feet, holding the back of his head with one hand. His eyes flick to Johnny first, full of rage, but then he meets V’s eyes and decides to cut his losses. A few of the other patrons jeer and laugh as he leaves, entertained by a little run of the mill humiliation. V leans back against the bar and preens, still wearing her corpo arrogance like a second skin as she slides in close enough to touch him.

“Don’t look so pleased with yourself, you only sucker punched the gonk.” He finally has a chance to wave the bartender down for another drink, more eddies sliding away from his borrowed account. “My grandma could have done it.”

“Your grandma was a mean old drunk with a meaner left hook.” V’s back is still to the bar, her eyes scanning the rest of the crowd, restless with adrenaline. “Family trait.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Johnny asks, suddenly feeling the full force of the alcohol hitting him like a fist to his own skull. “Been sitting on my ass here for hours.”

“Where the hell have I been?” she repeats, mockingly. “I’ve been working at my fucking job. Unlike you I have responsibilities.”

She finally meets his eye, and it’s one of those disorienting moments where he can feel what’s going on underneath the surface just by looking at her– nerves clanging, teeth grinding, skin itching. She’s stuffed to the gills with stims, primed to pick a fight with anyone who rubs her the wrong way, himself included. He hooks his fingers around her belt buckle again, pulling her in close for another kiss. This time she doesn’t try to pull away, but growls into his mouth, fingers digging into his hips.

“Trying to charm me?” she accuses, when they finally break, breathing hard. She pauses. “You look good.”

“I always look good.”

V exhales sharply through her teeth. “Fuck you.”

“Something really got your tighty whities in a twist, huh?” He kisses her cheek. “Let’s get out of here.”

Her grip on his hips tightens, her left hand painfully tight. “Don’t try to fucking manage me.”

“Stop being such an uptight corpo bitch.” He tries to kiss her again but she pulls away and he settles for grabbing her by the tie. “Now you want to fight or you want to do something more fun?”

She’s about to argue some more, but before she can think of anything cutting her eyes land on his chest and linger there. He grins and cups his hands under his borrowed set of overflowing tits, and she sighs in irritation. “Don’t know why the hell I put up with you”

They set out into the rain, which has turned into more of a drizzle. He has another reason to hate the shoes he’s strapped into, open toes letting in cold, filthy water. Rosie had offered to give him a quick lesson on heels, and he wishes he’d taken her offer instead of laughing at her. Maybe then she would have agreed to change into something he could actually walk in instead of laughing right back.

He slips and nearly eats shit, V catching his arm and holding him upright. She stifles her laughter, but he knows she’s suppressing a grin. “Where the hell are we going?”

“Close,” he says, righting himself and gestures with his chin to where the bright sign of the No-Tell gleams brightly in the gray mist.

“Fuck, I hate that place.”

“You got a better idea?”

The corner of her mouth creases into a deep frown along with her furrowed brow. It’s charming, although he’d never be stupid enough to tell her, at least not while she’s got a whole foot on him.

“You always take me to the shittiest places,” she says, in such a sweetly saccharine tone that he nearly falls over laughing again before she yanks him back into motion.

The inside of the motel is more crowded than usual, humid smoke saturating the lobby, separated into two groups of people: those avoiding eye contact and those trying to catch attention to sell a little comfort. A few of the latter give Johnny a professional sneer– he’s the wrong class of whore for this neighborhood. V heads straight for the kiosk, not even pausing before she’s pulled out her knife and starts prying off a side panel. It doesn’t take her long to pull it free, and there’s a warp to the metal that suggests she’s far from the first to do so.

“You’ve got the eddies, just pay for it,” he says, freeing his left foot and putting his bare foot down on the floor with a sigh of relief. Prosthetics have gotten much better than he remembers. He can feel every detail of thin, crusty carpet covering concrete underfoot, but at least he doesn’t have to worry about tetanus. And it’s better than being hobbled.

“I am not paying for a room in the motel where I got shot in the head,” V mutters, already recalling her personal link into her wrist with a snap.

He grunts, prying off the right heel and throwing it down next to the other one. “Should qualify you for some sort of discount, at least.”

She turns to look at him and wrinkles her nose. “This floor is filthy.”

“You sound like that old ronin.”

The look she gives him in response is fit to kill. She bends to snatch up his discarded shoes with one step and scoops him up in the next, grunting as she adjusts him in her arms.

“Alright, princess. Your tower awaits.”

“Easy there, tiger, you’re going to throw out your back,” he says. It’s not so bad, getting carried around. Closest he usually got to this kind of thing was crowd surfing, but with this, there’s only one set of hands feeling him up. He leans into V’s neck and kisses her over her pulse point, provoking a sound that is halfway between a laugh and a growl.

“Next time you do all the lifting,” she grumbles, shifting him in her grip as she waves her hand over the lock and then shoulders the door open.

Johnny’s been thrown around plenty of times, but there’s something different about it when his back is on the mattress and he’s looking up at someone he couldn’t wrestle his way out from under. He doesn’t always miss his arm, but he misses it now, feels naked without it. V isn’t even looking at him, eyes scanning the room with a frown, annoyed by the mess, or the memory of the place, or maybe both.

“Hey,” he says, interrupting her train of thought. “Eyes on the prize. I can’t tell, are you supposed to be Prince Charming or the dragon?”

She grins, pleased as a cat with the cream on both comparisons. “Which do you prefer?”

He moves to the edge of the bed, annoyed by the way his dress restricts his movement, but equally gratified by the way it draws her attention. When he’s in some chump with nice hands she wants to fight. When he’s in some chick who can barely see over the counter she wants him to tell her what to do. If he points that out she’ll probably try and strangle him.

“C’mere,” he says, tugging her closer by the belt.

He’s been on the other side too many times to count, so he knows what it means when she moves in close, suddenly quiet with concentration. As eager as any gonk to get her rocks off. She takes one look at his face and exhales sharply, turning away in embarrassment.

“Found your weakness,” he says, undoing her buckle and her pants, lifting up the only dry part of her shirt. She inhales as he kisses the soft part of her stomach. “Is it the tits, or the fact you can finally throw me around?”

V scoffs, hands making short work of the buttons of her shirt. “It’s definitely not your sterling personality.”

“Ouch,” he pretends to be wounded, slipping his hands around her hips and squeezing her ass. “Personality is all I’ve got left.”

“Fake it til you make it.”

She finishes unbuttoning her shirt and he helps her peel it off her skin, grinning as she tenses her stomach. After she’s ditched her shoes and pants she slides in behind him on the mattress, pulling him back into her lap and rucking up the skirt of his dress until she can spread his knees on the outside of her own. A small part of him wants to protest, but he can hardly think over the chaotic struggle of shame and lust he feels at being exposed, at being feminine and weak, and at feeling V solid behind him, knowing that there’s no part of him she could ever look at in disgust. It’s been lurking around here and there, but now it’s got him by the throat, and everything is wrong.

“Okay?” V asks, one reassuring hand on his thigh and the other– her chrome hand, tracing gentle circles around his collarbones. Her breathing is steady, and he matches himself to that. “You’ve gone quiet.”

“Fine,” he snaps, reaching back to grip the back of her neck in one hand. She shivers at the contact and for some reason makes the tension in his stomach dissolve. He doesn’t have to explain anything to her. “Fine.”

V hums, leaning back so she can loosen the zipper to the dress. “You know this gives me an opportunity to teach you a thing or two?”

“Oh yeah? About what?”

Her damp skin sticks to his as she pulls him close to her chest again, the fabric of the dress suddenly pushing away from his tits, the slack enough to give a well positioned observer something extra, or to let a hand slip in. V finds a nipple and pinches, and Johnny goes from observer to specimen, the brief moment of pain mixed with pleasure, branching out from his core. He wants her hands all over him, to let her devour him whole.

“Fuck,” he says, and doesn’t even care that it doesn’t sound like his voice. “Get this thing off me. See what other things your mouth can do besides talking big.”

She’s happy to oblige, stripping him down with practiced ease. The best thing about V is she never asks any unnecessary questions, shows not the barest interest in why he’s in this body and yet seems to have a preternatural sense for the brief moments of discomfort that bubble up while she’s mapping him from toe to tip with her palms. The exercise is as much for her as it is for him, but he relaxes anyway, the sensation of her gently squeezing his tits going from strange to good in a way that still feels fragile.

He’s not prepared for how easily she lifts him so his legs are hooked over her shoulders, how vulnerable it feels to have her breath warm in sensitive places, how different it is from how it was with Kerry, when he was inside her in a different way. Then she puts her mouth on him and his only concern is chasing the high, abandoning all concerns about self to focus on her tongue and the bruising grip of her hands.

The alcohol works against him but still, he comes spectacularly, bucking and writhing. No sooner does she gently lower him down then she’s right back at it, the shock of her fingers sliding into him offset by the gentle kisses she feathers around his sensitive clit. He can’t think of anything except the way she alternates between rhythmic thrusting and the fluttering of her fingers, until she’s got him again– this time the pleasure not constrained to a single peak but a long wave, crashing over him until she deposits him back again into the sweaty nest of sheets that have somehow wrapped around his arms.

While he’s still enjoying the afterglow, she curls up against him with her face in his chest, and is almost immediately out like a light. She doesn’t stir. Not when he rests his hand on the back of her neck, or when he makes one feeble attempt to reach his cigarettes– almost a whole foot out of reach and taunting him where the pack sits in a pile of discarded clothing at the edge of the bed.

He holds out for another five or ten minutes, and then has to wriggle out from under her to take a piss. When he returns he finds her sprawled in the space he’s left behind, breathing slow and even, but not quite yet unconscious.

“How’s the crash?” he asks, and receives a grunt in response. “Didn’t even give me a chance to return the favor.”

“I don’t care.” She cracks open one eye and then closes it. “Rather sleep on your tits.”

He snags his cigs and lighter before laying down next to her, and she drags him closer and makes herself comfortable without ever opening her eyes. She even lets out a little sigh, like a dog settling in for a nap, grumbling when his laughter makes for an unsteady pillow.

“If you were so tired you could have said so,” he tells her, running fingers through her hair with one hand while he pulls out a cigarette with his teeth.

“Why?”

He pulls the cigarette out of his mouth, fiddling with it a bit. “I mean you could have canceled.”

Her head shoots up at the sound of his lighter, and before he can defend himself she’s snatched the cigarette from his lips. “No smoking in bed.”

“The hell do you mean, no smoking in bed?”

“It’s disgusting.”

“I guarantee a lot more disgusting things have been done on this bed.” He gestures to the cig with his chin. “C’mon, this ain’t exactly the Konpeki.”

V frowns at him so deeply he thinks she’s going to toss the cigarette to the side, but eventually she places it back in his mouth. There’s a certain amount of huffiness in the way she nuzzles back against him that means he’s going to be hearing about this again. She searches blindly for his free hand, and laces her fingers into his.

“I didn’t want to cancel,” she mumbles.

Johnny realizes too late there’s no ash tray. He flicks ash onto the comforter and watches the fibers melt into each other, and then stubs it out entirely. “Miss me, huh?”

She really must be exhausted, because for once V doesn’t deflect. “Yeah.”

They lay in comfortable silence for a while, and Johnny traces circles along V’s neck and spine, his craving for nicotine replaced by a feeling akin the way he used to lay awake at night and try to imagine metal and plastic was really flesh and bone. This body is as good as any other body because it isn’t his. This body is as worse as any other body because it isn’t V. Just another interchangeable part.

“Who knew we’d miss the good old days?” he asks.

V props herself up on her elbow so she can look in his direction, although her eyes are fixated somewhere over his shoulder. “I still talk to you. It’s not you, obviously, I don’t see you or hear you or anything.”

“You never let me win an argument,” he says, and it feels good to see her real smile, and not the one she uses to cover up something else.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she says. “One of these days I’m going to get sloppy. I feel like I’m falling apart, Johnny. I wish you’d just let me die.”

“Jesus, V–“ He sits up, but she doesn’t move a muscle, staring blindly forward with her teeth gritted. She’s trying not to cry. “What is it?”

Her mouth thins into a flat smile, and she wipes at her cheek. “Nothing. I’m just tired. Haven’t slept in…” Her expression goes blank, silently calculating. “I don’t know. Since Wednesday.”

In another few hours it will be Saturday. She does look exhausted, awake only through sheer iron will, the circles under her eyes darker than usual. She looks miserable too, in a way he hasn’t seen since he was inside her head. It’s her fault, walking right back into that fucking snake nest, too chickenshit to accept actual freedom.

“Go to sleep,” he says, leaning forward to kiss her. She sighs, leaning her forehead against his. “Got these huge cans, might as well put them to use.”

She chuckles, then clears her throat. “They are pretty great.” Her metal fingers are cool against his skin, light and tender before she pulls away. She bows her head, shifting so she can press a kiss where her hand was. “Going to keep them in the rotation?”

“Nah.” He threads his fingers through hers again as she settles back down to use him as a pillow. “Think you got the right idea about them. Besides, I miss the old bait and tackle.”

“You and your goddamn dick,” she grumbles.

“Jealous, huh?” He pets her hair, tracing the shell of her ear with his fingers. “Don’t have to keep doing this, you know. Could leave all that shit behind and live your life without some jackass telling you what to wear and what to eat and when to sleep.”

She sighs, but there’s not even a grumble of argument. No stubborn noises about her job being a part of her, what she’s good at, what she wants. He idly rubs his thumb over the small fine hairs at the base of her neck. He knows her inside and out better than anyone, and a lack of an answer is as good as confession. Between one minute and the next he feels her go slack, while he lays looking up at the slowly growing stain in the ceiling. Another day of rain like this and it’ll split open.

#silvervweek #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 fic #my fic #silverv #a pair of open graves #heart-thief valentine #johnny silverhand #johnny APT #non-binary v

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hlficlibrary · 11 months ago

Note

what are your three favourite angst fics?

Oof, anon, this is very difficult as angst fics are generally my favorite thing to read. I'm going to give you three of my very favorite angst fics. There's also an angst fic rec on the pinned post under category recs if you ever want more!

Emperor's New Clothes by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships

The fact that Louis’s most precious belonging was a cat with a face like thunder and an uncanny ability to cover every single inch of Louis’s clothing with cat hair was something that Louis chose not to think about too much.

or: Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

Feels Like Coming Home by @phdmama

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

#ask #anon #minificrecs #angst #phdmama #sunsetmog #helloamhere

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taylorswiftandx · 2 years ago

Text

Taylor Swift and I am/I’m

Note: huge thank you to @meandmypagancrew who collaborated with me on the lyrics for this post!

'Taylor Swift'

Tim McGraw: And I’m back for the first time since then, I’m standing on your street

Picture to Burn: So go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy

Picture to Burn: As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn

Picture to Burn: I’m just sitting here planning my revenge

Teardrops On My Guitar: I fake a smile so he won’t see that I want and I’m needing everything that we should be

A Place In This World: I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me, ‘cause I’m still trying to figure it out

A Place In This World: Don’t know what’s down this road, I’m just walking

A Place In This World: Even though I’m not the only one who feels the way I do

A Place In This World: I’m alone, on my own, and that’s all I know

A Place In This World: Oh, I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

A Place In This World: I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve

A Place In This World: Maybe I’m just a girl on a mission but I’m ready to fly

Cold As You: And you do what you want ‘cause I’m not what you wanted

Cold As You: And now that I’m sitting here thinking it through, I’ve never been anywhere cold as you

Stay Beautiful: I’m taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: I’m only up when you’re not down

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: The other half, I’m only trying to let you know that what I feel is true

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: And I’m only me when I’m with you

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: When I’m with anybody else, it’s so hard to be myself

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: And I’m only me, who I wanna be, well, I’m only me when I’m with you

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

Fearless: I’m trying so hard not to get caught up now

Fearless: My hands shake, I’m not usually this way

Fearless: But you pull me in and I’m a little more brave

Love Story: I’m standing there on a balcony in summer air

Hey Stephen: I’m waiting alone now, so, come on and come out

White Horse: I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale

White Horse: I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet

White Horse: Just like I always wanted, but I’m so sorry

White Horse: Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale

White Horse: I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well

You Belong With Me: I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night

You Belong With me: I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like

You Belong With Me: She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers

You Belong With Me: If you could see that I’m the one who understands you

You Belong With Me: I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re bout to cry

You Belong With Me: Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you?

Breathe: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...

Tell Me Why: You might think I’m bulletproof, but I’m not

Tell Me Why: I’m sick and tired of your attitude

Tell Me Why: I’m feeling like I don’t know you

Tell Me Why: Forget what I’m trying to say, oh

Tell Me Why: I’m sick and tired of your reasons

Tell Me Why: I told you I’m not bulletproof, now you know

You’re Not Sorry: You got your share of secrets and I’m tired of being last to know

The Way I Loved You: It’s 2 AM and I’m cursing your name

The Way I Loved You: He’s charming and endearing and I’m comfortable

The Way I Loved You: He can’t see the smile I’m faking

The Way I Loved You: And myy heart’s not breaking ‘cause I’m not feeling anything at all

The Way I Loved You: I’m so in love that I acted insane

Forever & Always: Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

The Best Day: I’m five years old, it’s getting cold, I’ve got my big coat on

The Best Day: I’m thirteen now and don’t know how my friends could be so mean

The Best Day: I don’t know who I’m gonna talk to now at school

The Best Day: I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you

The Best Day: God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he’s better than I am

The Best Day: So I’m taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

Jump Then Fall: Woah, oh, I’m feeling you baby

Jump Then Fall: Baby, I’m never gonna leave you

Jump Then Fall: Cause I’mma stay through it all

Untouchable: I’m reaching out and I just can’t tell you why

Untouchable: I’m caught up in you, I’m caught up in you

Untouchable: In the middle of the night when I’m in this dream

Come In With The Rain: ‘Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name

Come In With The Rain: Just know I’m right here hoping that you’ll come in with the rain

Come In With The Rain: ‘Cause I’m too tired at night for all these games

SuperStar: I’m no one special, just another wide-eyed girl who’s desperately in love with you

SuperStar: Morning loneliness comes around when I’m not dreaming about you

SuperStar: I’m invisible and everyone knows who you are

The Other Side Of The Door: And you’ve called a hundred times but I’m not picking up

The Other Side Of The Door: ‘Cause I’m so mad I might tell you that it’s over

The Other Side Of The Door: All I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles, screaming, “I’m in love with you!”

Mr. Perfectly Fine: Now I’m Miss gonna be alright someday

We Were Happy: Oh, I hate those voices telling me I’m not in love anymore

That’s When: Laughing when I’m crying, and that’s when

That’s When: When I’m laughing, when I’m crying

Don’t You: I’m sure she’ll make you happy

Bye Bye Baby: I’m driving away and I guess you could say this is the last time I’ll drive this way again

Bye Bye Become: Feels like I’m becoming a part of your past

Bye Bye Baby: I’m so scared of how this ends

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Mine: You learn my secrets and you figure out why I’m guarded

Sparks Fly: The way you move is like on a full-on rainstorm and I’m a house of cards

Sparks Fly: You find I’m even better than you imagined I would be

Sparks Fly: I’m on my guard for the rest of the world

Sparks Fly: I’m captivated by you, baby, like a fireworks show

Back to December: I’m so glad you made time to see me

Back to December: Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night”

Speak Now: I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

Speak Now: I am hiding in the curtains, it seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be

Speak Now: Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you

Speak Now: I’ll meet you when I’m out of my tux at the back door

Dear John: I’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Mean: You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I’m wounded

The Story Of Us: Now I’m searching the room for an empty seat

The Story Of Us: Now I’m standing alone in a crowded room and we’re not speaking

The Story Of Us: And I’m dying to know is it killing you like it’s killing me, yeah?

The Story Of Us: I’m starting to think one day I’ll tell the story of us

The Story Of Us: Oh, I’m scared to see the ending

Never Grow Up: So here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off

Enchanted: I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

Enchanted: I wonder ‘til I’m wide awake

Enchanted: And now I’m pacing back and forth wishing you were at my door

Enchanted: I’m wonderstruck, dancing around all alone

Better Than Revenge: She looks at me like I’m a trend and she’s so over it

Better Than Revenge: She thinks I’m psycho cause I like to rhyme her name with things

Better Than Revenge: I’m just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey

Haunted: Can’t turn back now, I’m haunted

Haunted: But the whole time I’m wishing he was you instead

Last Kiss: I’m not much for dancing but for you I did

Long Live: Bring on all the pretenders, I’m not afraid

Superman: I’m far away but I never let you go

Superman: I’m love-struck and looking out the window

Electric Touch: I’m trying hard not to look like I’m trying

When Emma Falls In Love: When Emma falls in love, I’m learning

Castles Crumbling: People look at me like I’m a monster

Foolish One: You know how to keep me waiting, I know how to act like I’m fine

Foolish One: Now I’m sliding down the wall with my head in my hands

Timeless: I’m gonna love you when our hair is turning gray

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

State Of Grace: I’m walking fast through the traffic lights

I Knew You Were Trouble: Now I’m lying on the cold, hard ground

All Too Well: I might be okay but I’m not fine at all

All Too Well: I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

All Too Well: Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it

All Too Well: I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

22: I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: Then you come around again and say, “Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change, trust me”

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: This time, I’m telling you, I’m telling you

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: I’m really gonna miss you picking fights and me falling for it screaming that I’m right

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: So he calls me up and he’s like, “I still love you,” and I’m like, “I just, I mean, this is exhausting, you know, like, we are never getting back together, like ever”

Stay Stay Stay: I’m pretty sure we almost broke up last night

Stay Stay Stay: You think that it’s funny when I’m mad, mad, mad

Stay Stay Stay: You carry my groceries and now I’m always laughing

The Last Time: I’m not sure how I got there

The Last Time: And right before your eyes, I’m breaking

The Last Time: This is the last time I’m asking you this

The Last Time: This is the last time I’m asking you why

The Last Time: And right before your eyes, I’m aching

Holy Ground: Tonight I’m gonna dance for all that we’ve been through

Holy Ground: But I don’t wanna dance if I’m not dancing with you

Holy Ground: Tonight I’m gonna dance like you were in this room

Everything Has Changed: I’m feeling like I’ve missed you all this time

Begin Again: I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny ‘cause he never did

Begin Again: We tell stories and you don’t know why I’m coming off a little shy

The Moment I Knew: Should’ve burst through the door with that “Baby, I’m right here” smile

The Moment I Knew: They’re all laughing as I’m looking around the room

The Moment I Knew: You called me later and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t make it,” and I said, “I’m sorry, too”

Girl At Home: Honey, I am no one’s exception

Ronan: What if I’m standing in your closet trying to talk to you?

Better Man: I know I’m probably better off on my own

Better Man: I know I’m probably better off all alone

Better Man: I’m hanging on every careless word

Nothing New: Will you still want me when I’m nothing new?

Nothing New: I know someday I’m gonna meet her, it’s a fever dream

Nothing New: I’ll say I’m happy for her, then I’ll cry myself to sleep

Babe: I’m here on the kitchen floor

Message In A Bottle: But now, you’re so far away and I’m down

Message In A Bottle: I’m reaching for you, terrified

Message In A Bottle: These days I’m restless

Message In A Bottle: Where were you while I’m wondering if I’ll ever see you again?

Message In A Bottle: And now I’m standing here hoping it gets to you

Message In A Bottle: And now I’m standing here hoping this gets to you

I Bet You Think About Me: 3 AM and I’m still awake

I Bet You Think About Me: I bet you couldn’t believe when you realized I’m harder to forget than I was to leave

I Bet You Think About Me: It turned out I’m harder to forget than I was to leave

Forever Winter: He says, “It’s not just a phase I’m in”

The Very First Night: My friends all say they know everything I’m going through

The Very First Night: I’m the one on the phone as you whisper

All Too Well (10 Minute Version): I’m in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind

All Too Well (10 Minute Version): I’m a soldier who’s returning half her weight

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Blank Space: I’m dying to see how this one ends

Blank Space: Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane

Blank Space: You’re the king, baby, I’m your queen

Blank Space: Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Out Of The Woods: I walked out and said, “I’m setting you free”

Shake It Off: Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

Shake It Off: I never miss a beat, I’m lightning on my feet

Shake It Off: I’m dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go

Shake It Off: My ex-man brought his new girlfriend, she’s like, “Oh my god,” but I’m just gonna shake

Bad Blood: Did you have to hit me where I’m weak?

Clean: I think I am finally clean

Clean: Now that I’m clean I’m never gonna risk it

Clean: Think I’m finally clean

Wonderland: I’m spinning out of control

New Romantics: It’s poker, he can’t see it in my face, but I’m about to play my ace

“Slut!”: But if I’m all dressed up, they might as well be looking at us

“Slut!”: If I’m gonna be drunk, I might as well be drunk in love

“Slut!”: I’m not saying, “Do it anyway,” but you’re going to

“Slut!”: And if I’m gonna be drunk, might as well be drunk in love

Say Don’t Go: Oh no, oh no, I’m unarmed

Say Don’t Go: I’m holding out hope for you to say, “Don’t go”

Say Don’t Go: Now I’m pacing on shaky ground

Say Don’t Go: And I’m yours, but you’re not mine

Say Don’t Go: I’m standing on the sidewalk alone

Say Don’t Go: I’m trying to see the cards that you won’t show

Say Don’t Go: I’m about to fold unless you say, “Don’t go”

Now That We Don’t Talk: Guess maybe I am better off now that we don’t talk

Suburban Legends: I am standing in a 1950s gymnasium and I can still see you now

Bad Blood (feat. Kendrick Lamar): Hey, I can’t take it back, look where I’m at

'reputation'

…Ready For It?: I know I’m gonna be with you so I take my time

…Ready For It?: But if I’m a thief then he can join the heist

…Ready For It?: I’m so very tame now

End Game: You so dope, don’t overdose, I’m so stoked I need a toast

End Game: I’m in the Ghost like I’m whippin’ a boat

End Game: I’m one call away whenever you need me

End Game: I’m in a G5, ya, come to the A-side, ya

End Game: Reputation precedes me, in rumors I’m knee-deep

End Game: Reputation precedes me, they told you I’m crazy

Don’t Blame Me: And I’m just gonna call you mine

Don’t Blame Me: I’m insane, but I’m your baby

Don’t Blame Me: I once was poison ivy, but now I’m your daisy

Look What You Made Me Do: I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now

So It Goes…: I’m yours to keep and I’m yours to lose

So It Goes…: You know I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you

So It Goes…: I’m so chill but you make me jealous

So It Goes…: But I got your heart skippin’, skip, skippin’ when I’m gone

Gorgeous: And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way

Gorgeous: You should take it as a compliment that I’m talking to everyone here but you

Gorgeous: If you got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her

Getaway Car: I’m in a getaway car

King Of My Heart: I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own

King Of My Heart: I made up my mind, I’m better off being alone

King Of My Heart: Salute to me, I’m your American Queen

King Of My Heart: And you move to me like I’m a Motown beat

King Of My Heart: Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

Dress: Inescapable, I’m not even going to try

Dress: I’m spilling wine in the bathtub

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: I’m shaking my head, I’m locking the gates

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: But I’m not the only friend you’ve lost lately

Call It What You Want: I’m doing better than I ever was

Call It What You Want: Walking with his head down, I’m the one he’s walking to

Call It What You Want: Loves me like I’m brand new

Call It What You Want: I’m laughing with my lover, making forts under covers

New Year’s Day: But I stay when you’re lost and I’m scared and you’re turning away

'Lover'

Cruel Summer: I’m always waiting for you to be waiting below

Cruel Summer: Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine, I’m not dying

Cruel Summer: I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Cruel Summer: I’m drunk in the back of the car

Cruel Summer: Said, “I’m fine,” but it wasn’t true

Lover: And I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

The Man: I’m so sick of running as fast as I can

The Man: And I’m so sick of them coming at me again

The Man: They paint me out to be bad so it’s okay that I’m mad

The Archer: Combat, I’m ready for combat

The Archer: Dark side, I search for your dark side but what I’m all right, right, right, right here?

I Think He Knows: I am an architect, I’m drawing up the plans

I Think He Knows: It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: You know I adore you, I’m crazier for you than I was at sixteen

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: I’m lost in the lights

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: Now I’m feeling hopeless, ripped up my prom dress

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: I’m feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: Darling, I’m scared

Paper Rings: I’m with you even if it makes me blue

Cornelia Street: And baby, I’m so terrified of if you ever walk away

Death By A Thousand Cuts: Now I’m searching for signs in a haunted club

London Boy: Stick with me, I’m your queen

False God: Staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town

False God: I’m New York City, I still do it for you, babe

False God: And you can’t talk to me when I’m like this

You Need To Calm Down: And I’m just like, “Damn, it’s 7 AM”

You Need To Calm Down: And I’m just like, “Hey, are you okay?”

You Need To Calm Down: And I’m just like, oh, you need to just stop

Afterglow: It’s on your face, and I’m to blame

Afterglow: I’m the one who burned us down

Afterglow: Tell me that I’m all you want

ME!: I know that I’m a handful, baby

ME!: I’m the only one of me

ME!: Living in winter, I am your summer

Daylight: Now I’m wide awake

Daylight: I want to be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, not the things that I’m afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night

'folklore'

The 1: I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit

Cardigan: You drew stars around my scars but now I’m bleeding

Exile: Now I’m in exile seeing you out

Exile: I’m not your problem anymore

Exile: So I’m leaving out the side door

My Tears Ricochet: And if I’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes, too

My Tears Ricochet: And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?

My Tears Ricochet: And I still talk to you when I’m screaming at the sky

Mirrorball: I want you to know I’m a mirrorball

Mirrorball: But I’m still on my tallest tip-toes

Mirrorball: I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me

Mirrorball: I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why

Mirrorball: I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

Mirrorball: Because I’m a mirrorball

This Is Me Trying: But I’m here in your doorway

This Is Me Trying: And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad

This Is Me Trying: At least I’m trying

Mad Woman: I’m taking my time, taking my time, ‘cause you took everything from me

Betty: I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything

Betty: Betty, I’m here on your doorstep

Peace: But I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm

Peace: I talk shit with my friends, it’s like I’m wasting your honor

Hoax: I am ash from your fire

The Lakes: I’m not cut out for all these cynical clones, these hunters with cell phones

The Lakes: I’m setting off, but not without my muse

'evermore'

Willow: I’m like the water when your ship rolled in that night

Willow: I’m begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that’s my man

‘Tis The Damn Season: I’m staying at my parents’ house and the road not taken looks real good now

‘Tis The Damn Season: Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

‘Tis The Damn Season: And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking

‘Tis The Damn Season: And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own

‘Tis The Damn Season: We could call it even even, even though I’m leaving

Tolerate It: I wait by the door like I’m just a kid

Tolerate It: Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life

Tolerate It: You assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins

No Body, No Crime: I think I’m gonna call him out

Happiness: Honey, when I’m above the trees, I see this for what it is

Happiness: But now I’m right down in it

Coney Island: And I’m sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go?

Coney Island: I’m on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go?

Ivy: Now I’m covered in you

Cowboy Like Me: I’m never gonna love again

Cowboy Like Me: Now I’m waiting by the phone like I’m sitting in an airport bar

Long Story Short: Now I’m all about you, I’m all about you

Long Story Short: But if someone comes at us, this time, I’m ready

Closure: Yes, I got your letter, yes, I’m doing better

Closure: I’m fine with my spite and my tears and my beers and my candles

Closure: I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life

Evermore: Hey December, guess I’m feeling unmoored

Evermore: I’m on waves out being tossed

Right Where You Left Me: But I’m right where you left me

Right Where You Left Me: Help, I’m still at the restaurant

Right Where You Left Me: I’m sure that you got a wife out there, kids and Christmas, but I’m unaware ‘cause I’m right where

'Midnights'

Lavender Haze: I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

Lavender Haze: All they keep asking me is if I’m gonna be your bride

Anti-Hero: It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me

Anti-Hero: Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby and I’m a monster on the hill

Snow On The Beach: I’m unglued thanks to you

Snow On The Beach: Now I’m all for you like Janet

Midnight Rain: And he never thinks of me except when I’m on TV

Question…?: That’s nice, I’m sure, that’s what suitable and right

Vigilante Shit: You did some bad things but I’m the worst of them

Vigilante Shit: I’m on my vigilante shit again

Bejeweled: And by the way, I’m going out tonight

Bejeweled: Best believe I’m still bejeweled

Labyrinth: You know how scared I am of elevators

Labyrinth: Uh-oh, I’m falling in love, oh no, I’m falling in love again, oh, I’m falling in love

Karma: Ask me why so many fade but I’m still here

Sweet Nothing: To you I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it

Mastermind: What if I told you I’m a mastermind?

Mastermind: It was all by design ‘cause I’m a mastermind

Mastermind: I’m the wind in our free-flowing sails and the liquor in our cocktails

Mastermind: I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ‘cause I care

Mastermind: You knew that I’m a mastermind

Mastermind: All you did was smile ‘cause I’m a mastermind

Bigger Than The Whole Sky: I’m never gonna meet what could’ve been, would’ve been, what should’ve been you

Paris: I’m so in love that I might stop breathing

Glitch: Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I’m in

Glitch: Five seconds later, I’m fastening myself to you with a stitch

Glitch: And I’m not even sorry, nights are so starry

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts

You’re Losing Me: I’m getting tired, even for a phoenix

You’re Losing Me: I’m the best thing at this party

You’re Losing Me: And I’m fading, thinking, “Do something, babe, say something”

Other Songs written by Taylor

All Of The Girls You Loved Before: Now you’re all I need, I’m so thankful for all of the girls you loved before

Beautiful Eyes: I’m looking through your, I’m looking through your eyes

Beautiful Eyes: I wake up, I’m alive

Christmas Tree Farm: But I close my eyes and I’m somewhere else

Christmas Tree Farm: And when I’m feeling alone you remind me of home

Christmases When You Were Mine: Well, I’m doing all right if you were wondering

Crazier: Feels like I’m falling and I am lost in your eyes

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever: I’m sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever: Now I’m in a cab, I tell him where your place is

I Heart ?: I came out alive but I’m black and blue

I Heart ?: Before you ask me if I’m all right, think about what I had to do

If This Was A Movie: Six months gone and I’m still reaching

If This Was A Movie: Now I’m pacing down the hall, chasing down your street

Renegade: And then you squeeze my hand as I’m about to leave

The Alcott: I tell you that I think I’m falling back in love with you

The Alcott: I tell you that I think I’m falling back in love, back in love, back in love with you, back in love with you

Two Is Better Than One: And now I’m left with nothing

Two Is Better Than One: And I’m thinking two is better than one

Two Is Better Than One: I’m finally now believing that maybe it’s true

Two Is Better Than One: And I’m thinking, ooh, I can’t live without you

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: ‘Cause when I’m feeling down and I’m all alone

Official Alternate Releases

Haunted (2010 Version): Oh, I’m holding my breath, won’t lose you again

Haunted (2010 Version): Oh, I’m holding my breath, won’t see you again

Anti-Hero (feat. Bleachers): Maybe I’m the problem, it’s me

#taylor swift #lyrics #taylorswiftandx #lyric parallels #i'm #i am

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marmotsomsierost · 10 months ago

Text

In one of the discords i'm in there was a 'everyone post their food right now' so i posted a picture of my food, and it went like this:

Me: (picture of sourdough bread, open faced, with cheddar cheese slices.)

Friend: wait what

Friend: you always have weird ass fancy shit to eat why are you eating Sad White People Lunch

Me: it's good cheese, good bread, and there's butter and honey on there too, i don't think that counts the same as wonderbread and a kraft single*

Friend2: honey AND CHEESE????

Friend: WHY

Me: i mean they make overpriced fancy flights of honey specifically meant for charcouterie spreads and honey is not that different from a fig spread or jam or fruit to go with cheese and carbs

Friend2: that is not the same

Friend: well, okay, you put it like that...butter, tho??

Friend2: no

Acquaintance (replying to my picture): what the fuck kind of fae-ass shit is that

Acquaintance: are you trying to get taken by the fairies or are you some kind of weird house brownie elf thing

Me: it's just comfort food, y'all. Long shitty day at work, carbs and a lil protein and fat and sweet, it's pretty normal

Friend: BUTTER THO

Me, internally: ...do i tell them i grew up eating peanut butter on buttered toast or should i save that for a rainy day

Me: y'all already freaked out about my butter-cheese-cucumber-egg breakfast sandwich i don't understand how this is *weirder*

Friend2: SANDWICHES HAVE LIDS

Servermember: we are not restarting the fucking sandwich debate it's a pinned post for a reason absolutely not

Acquaintance: my question about fae-ass shit still stands

Friend3: it's not weirder than shrimp toast or salmon candy. It's not like they're gonna leave it out for the little people.

Servermember2: (posts the most ridiculously delicious-looking dumpling assortment)

(Conversation moves on)

#*nothing against wonderbread and kraft singles. my husband's version of this is bread cheese and mustard #i am just Extremely Picky About Bread

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practically-an-x-man · 1 year ago

Note

1 (Desert Song), 2, 3, 8, 11, 14, 23, 29 for the fic asks :)

Thank you so much!!! I'll try to make my answers somewhat brief since it's late and I need to get to bed

1. Share a song that makes you think of [Desert Song]

I mean, the title IS a song (a very heartbreaking bonus release by MCR), and I do have a whole list of songs compiled for use in future chapters so I kinda want to save those for when they appear in the fic itself, but there's one song that reminds me of them but doesn't really fit the rest of the punk theme

Pruning Shears by the Amazing Devil

It's a wonderful song and tells the story of a future couple meeting at a party, the interactions between the two of them already remind me a bit of Billy and Quinn's dynamic, but there's one stanza that really strikes me (and would've been the choice lyrics for the fic chapter, if the song fit the theme)

And I'll watch her ruin her life and dye her hair bright colors Become someone's wife Forget the girl that she once was

It just strikes me as very very *Quinn*, and I'd love to include the song if it fit with the tone of the overall fic. I mean, I'm a punk and I love the Amazing Devil, but it's not exactly punk music itself

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

All the time! I write the stories I want to see, and I love rereading them from time to time

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Ugh, that's so tough because they all serve different purposes. Like, Smoke and Mirrors I love for its character development, Bolts and Blasters I love for its slowburn, A Love Once New is my self-indulgent rainy-day fic, Desert Song I love for its complex relationships and intra/interpersonal themes, the list goes on. I love them each in their own way, and I genuinely can't pick a favorite.

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

Uh.... a lot. But most recently I've been working on new chapters for Taking Flight (still hyperfixated lol) and Heartstrings, with A Love Once New waiting in the wings (pun intended lol)

11. Do you have specific playlists for writing fics?

Not really, I tend to get distracted if I write to music. I do have a playlist for my Sandman character Prometheus here, and my fics kinda end up being playlists themselves since I incorporate so much music into them, but I don't generally create a lot of playlists.

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

I'm actually gonna go with Desert Song. I tried/am actively trying to emulate the fast-paced action style of 6 Underground, and given the movie never got a sequel I'd pick this one to fill that void. The same goes for my other 6 Underground fic, Nom de Guerre - Desert Song is the better-written fic by far, but I think Nom De Guerre might have more visual elements that would adapt well to film.

23. How do you choose where to end a chapter (if you have multi-chapter works)?

I tend to lay out a brief outline for my chapters so I know where to go, but I kinda just go off of general feel for the length itself. The only limitations I place on myself are that it must be over 2k words (which is easy to achieve now) and it must end in a good narrative way (since idk when I would next be able to update and I don't want to leave people unsatisfied).

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

Sure thing! Here's a snippet from a Wednesday fic that I scrapped after the controversy with Percy Hynes White. I still like the idea (in fact, I'm hybridizing the OC into a future fic with Michael Langdon instead), but I don't want to engage with any of the controversy regardless of its legal outcome.

“Calypso, that’s Greek, right?” Her Mona Lisa smile widened into something genuine, a blend of pure happiness and mild surprise. The distance in her expression vanished almost instantly. She wasn’t great at hiding her emotions. Everything showed on her face, as candidly as if it were written across her forehead. He found it endearing. “Right.” she agreed, “Greek mythology. She was the daughter of Atlas, the titan, and she was imprisoned on a hidden island that adventurers could only find once.” Then, as if it burst out of her in a flash of inspiration, “But I think I’m more like Hephaestus.” “Why’s that?” “He was the outcast of the gods. Cast aside because he was ugly. And he worked the forges.” She stared down at her own hands, and he remembered the illustrated gleam of the knife in his painting. “I work in the forges. Sort of.” Another of his questions answered, then. But that wasn’t what he was focused on. And he had a habit of speaking before his brain caught up. “You think you’re ugly?” Her gray eyes flashed back up to his own, emotion flitting across her face in an uncertain wave. She still couldn’t hide it, but that didn’t mean Xavier could read it. He wasn’t sure what to think, other than that she was clearly very, very lonely. And maybe didn’t even realize it. “I think I’m an outcast.” she finally answered, very carefully. Maybe she did realize it, after all.

thank you so much for asking!! these were fun!!

Fanfic Writer Asks

#my friends!!!#answered asks #ask game #my writing #fanfic #fanfic author #my ocs

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sparxaf · 1 year ago

Photo

I've had this in my drafts for a while now. Every day I open up my drafts, re-read it and then avoid posting it. The irony is not lost on me. Truth is, I have an anxious need to save things for rainy days. I don't really hoard (I grew up with that), but the things I do have, I'm afraid to use. I still have the last half inch of a bottle of my favorite perfume that is no longer available anywhere. It's been five years and instead of wearing it, I'm watching as the watermelon and amber scented liquid slowly evaporates, while I wait for just the right moment to use it. The perfect time to get the last of my joy out of it. There is no perfect time. It's a lesson the universe never stops trying to teach me, but I'm dense and always refuse to accept it. There are no perfect moments. No perfect stories. There is never the right time. There are just moments. Just stories. Just time. Just things meant to be consumed for the sake of joy and nothing more. So, today I'm posting this. And tomorrow, I think I'll be wearing the last of my Sorbetto Rosso. I will smell like a sexy fruit salad for no reason, other than because I want to.

I'm getting older. I'm aware that I'm not gonna be on this earth forever. And it's probably time I stop stalling the joys in my life by refusing to learn this lesson. You can't pin joy like a moth.

Maybe if I share this with others, I'll convince myself to stop holding onto things for rainy days. After all, every day is rainy somewhere in the world.

#about sparx #sorbetto rosso #litg fanfic writer #hoarding joy #no perfect time

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bi-bats · 1 year ago

Note

haha ok so 1) i have u on post notifs (💕) and i paused for like half a second when i saw "bi-bats posted" like wait that doesnt seem right lol. i like the name change tho!! 2) u are under no time constraint to answer my asks at all! saving them for a rainy day (or not answering them at all) is totally valid. dont feel bad about it!! 💕 3) u know im gonna send u more ask game questions though. i gotta 😂 4) i totally understand how the echo wife changed you this book is so good holy shit

awww!! that's so sweet 💖 I figured after a certain point cause you're always in my notifs but it's so flattering that anyone cares what I have to say that much lmaooooo and thank you about the name change!! I've been meaning to do it for a while. some light rebranding

thank you for being so understanding 😭 it also doesn't help that I'm so busy all the fucking time which I'm sure you've heard me complain about, but on top of all of the busy things I'm always talking about, I'm applying for new jobs, I started going to therapy again, and I actually don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I have chronic pain and my job has been especially unkind about it over the past 2-3 months, so things have just all around been a little more rough than they were last year. So basically, thank you for easing the pressure!! 💖💖💖

and yeah I knew 😂 thank you for sending them!! I love answering them when I have the time lmaoo 💚

Okay so I saw your reply on the other one that you're doing the ebook and akjdnfalskdjfaksjdnf it ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY. The only other book to change me in the same way was This is How You Lose the Time War, which I should not have liked because it has the opposite of what I like in a book (character driven story, slow/medium pacing, lots of poetic language), but I'm reading it for a fourth time rn (it may or may not feature in a future fic)! Read it, it's beautiful. It got a single tear out of me, which is like sobbing for people who know how to cry lmaoo 💖

#🫘 this was a terrible idea #batsasks #bibatrambles

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yamahex · 3 years ago

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The Perfect Life

Summary: You and your daughter decide to have a fun day in.

Pairing: DAD Jack x MOM Female Reader

Content warning: Nothing but fluff

A/N: I thought about this at work and had to write it down so I wouldn’t forget. And I really love it(Lowkey jealous this isn’t my actual life.) I think I might have a few angsts post that can come from this family stuff. OTHER THINGS COMING SOON

“Shh mommy we have to be quiet!!” Your daughter scolded you quietly. You softly giggled and apologized.

It was a nice rainy Saturday afternoon leaving the three of you in the house for the day, which led to this stealth mission you and your daughter Riah were on.

You watched from behind the arm of the couch as your daughter applied makeup to a sleeping jack. She was so focused on every detail for this careful job.

She turned to look at you. “Mommy I can’t get his other eye from here!“ she whispered.

You took a quick moment to admire her beautiful face. She had Jacks gorgeous blue eyes and mix of his and your soft features with your hair. She was truly the perfect mix of you and jacks love for each other.

You were snapped out of your daze by her small hand waving in your face.

“Hang on princess.” You whispered as you carefully lifted her onto jacks chest.

You both paused and looked at each other nervously as he stirred slightly. You handed her the brush and her pallet and she immediately got to work on the other eye.

Jack slowly started to wake, taking in the sight infront of him. “Hey princess. What’re you doing?” He yawned.

His eyes widened as he realized what she was holding. You quickly stood up and and grabbed her off his chest causing her to drop the supplies on his white tank top. Jack stood up brushing the pigment off his chest and looked towards the two of you.

Your daughter looked at him and laughed.

“You look so pretty daddy!“ causing you to choke out a laugh. He slowly got up and playfully growled.

“I’m gonna get you girls!” He lunged at you two making your daughter yell through her giggle.

“Run mommy! Run!”

You started jogging through the living room, making your way to your shared bedroom. He started running after you as laughter echoed through the house.

He quickly caught up to you as you reached the big bed and gently tackled you and your daughter.

He showered both of you in kisses and tickles. “Oh no! Riah save yourself!!” You said dramatically as you threw your arm over your head. She tried to slip away but Jack quickly caught her in his arms and continued to tickle her. You couldn’t have been happier in this moment.

“Stop I can’t take it anymore!” She yelled out. The kisses and tickles came to a stop and Jack looked down at his two girls.

“You’re both lucky I love y’all.” He said as he lightly laid on the both of you with all his weight. Riah started fake gasping for air under his chest.

“I can’t breathe!” You both laughed.

As the night started to end you went in Riah’s room to put her to bed. You smiled and watched from the door way as she sat in her pjs and played with Jack and her toys.

You walked up to them. “Alright babe, time for bed.” You crouched next to her and poked her nose.

“Aw okay.” She started to pout on the way to her bed. You walked up to her bed and sat down waiting for her to jump up.

She got under the covers and Jack got up to stand next to your sitting figure. “Goodnight my love, sleep tight.” You said as you smoothed the hair on head. Then gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Jack crouched down to her forehead and gave her a kiss in the same spot. “Goodnight princess.” He carefully tucked her in.

“Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy!”

You turned off the light and the both of you walked out. Jack closed her door carefully. You looked up at Jack and noticed he still had makeup on his face.

“Can you get this off me now?” He muttered. A quiet giggle filled the air while you guys walked to your shared bedroom.

“Sit on the bed and I’ll get my wipes.” You said while walking into the bathroom.

Jack sat down and rubbed the back of his neck and you met him at the end of the bed.

“Are you sure? It’s so pretty” you mocked. He rolled his eyes and nodded.

You started to wipe the color off his face when Jack grabbed your hand and looked up at you.

“What?” You tilted your head while looking at him.

“Thank you Ma.”

“For what?”

“Giving me the perfect life”

Your eyes lightly watered and you kissed his lips.

You pulled away and smiled.

“I love you”

“I love you too.”

“Alright now let me finish this up pretty boy.”

#jack harlow fluff #jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x you #jack harlow imagine

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sadlysoulx · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu characters thinking you want to break up with them

part 1 (Atsumu& Sakusa)

Heyyyoo~ I'm sorry I haven't post in a while school's bad and it managed to get into my nerves without me going to the place itself plus i have now wifi so I have to connect to my dad's data☹️ Thanks for 33 followers😭💖!! Especially to my friend Mocha berry who supported me :)

Would be doing Tsukishima and Ushijima in part 2 ;)

⚠️Warning⚠️: swearing, not proofread

ATSUMU

"I really have enough!" Atsumu banged his fist down the table, making you flinch and take a step backwards.

"You are so fucking dramatic," he pointed at your shivering figure.

"I'm dramatic?" You asked hysterically. "I'm the ones who's dramatic?" You asked again, glaring back at Atsumu. "Open your eyes, 'tsumu! You're the one who made this into a bigger issue!"

"Me?!" Atsumu screamed back, finally making your tears fall down. "Y/N! If you weren't do clingy, this wouldn't happen!"

"Its not my fault that my boyfriend doesn't have time for me!" You fisted your hands.

"And this is fucking why I regretted to ask you to be my s/o!"

You stopped. Brain stopped functioning as you slowly let his words sink in, and to your despair, he didnt stop there.

"If you weren't my s/o, I would have a free life without you whining around like a kid," Atsumu was still shaking from anger.

"I would have the best life without you," he muttered.

More tears flowed down on your face.

"Fine!" You walked out the kitchen and into your shared bedroom, making sure you bang the door open.

You grabbed your bag and began stuffing down your clothes.

You heard loud and fast footsteps and in the corner of your eye, you saw Atsumu standing and peeking in the door, regret filled his eyes.

"Y/N—"

"If your not contented with me," you began as you take another bag and filled it with toiletries. "Then find another s/o, I wouldn't mind,"

You swung your bag over your shoulder and quickly breezed past him out the door.

"Y-Y/N!"

Tears prick your eye since again as you quickly fumbled with your house keys and shakily tried to shove the the keys into the keyhole.

Atsumu grabbed your arm, trying to pull you to his chest.

"Y/N! Babe—"

"Don't fucking call me Babe!" You turned to him, new fresh batch of angry tears flowing down your cheeks. "Save that for your new s/o!"

You could see Atsumu's eyes turn glassy, his bottom lip trembling.

You successfully unlock the main door and you walked out of your apartment, striding down the hallway and waiting for the elevator.

Atsumu quickly followed you to turn annoyance, sniffles escaping his trembling lips constantly.

You hated seeing him hurt, especially if your the one who cause it. Imagining him with another person left a sour taste in your mouth.

But now that Atsumu said that he wished he wasn't your s/o, you knew that it wouldn't be long for him to find a new someone— if ever the both of you really make things over.

You distracted yourself by looking up the escalating red digital numbers that was labeled up the elevator doors.

In the corner of your eye, you see Atsumu opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't. His hands hesitantly trying to reach out for you, his head hung low, tears dripping out of his red eyes pitifully.

The elevator doors finally opened and that's when Atsumu find his courage to talk to you.

"Y-you're really gonna leave me, aren't you?" He whispered softly, only loud enough for you to hear.

You stopped your attempt to walk in the elevator and stare aimlessly somewhere.

His sniffles and hiccups were getting worst. He was obviously trying to stop himself for crying.

You watch as the elevator doors close infront of you.

Turning to him, you saw his huge mascular figure shaking violently and his head still hung low.

"You are, aren't you?" He asked shakily again.

You dropped your bags and threw yourself to him, hugging him tightly.

He finally broke down, loud sobs echoing the empty hallway and hugging you back tightly.

"I'm never gonna leave you, 'Tsumu," You sobbed into his chest. "Never. . . I can't do that, I love you so much,"

"I'm so sorry, baby. . ." Atsumu sobbed into your hair. "Shit. . . I'm so sorry. . . I- I didn't mean what I said, I would never replace you– Fuck! Please forgive me baby. . ."

You let out a watery sob.

"H-hey, it's fine 'Tsumu." You looked up at his slightly swollen and wet but dreamy eyes. "I'm sorry for being dramatic," you giggled slightly.

He wiped your tears.

"It's fine baby," He smiled at you through his teary eyes, pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead. "I love you. . ."

"I love you more,"

He smiled, his eyes suddenly lighten up more.

"Hey, I found a really good movie in Netflix! It's a horror movie, let's watch it together!" He smiled down at you, gripping your hands.

"Okay! Let's watch it tonight!" you smiled up at him.

He smiled wider and cupped your cheeks, leaning down to kiss you.

Sakusa

Sakusa groaned. He stood up straight and made the mop lean towards the wall.

He scanned the living room all sparkling clean. Walking towards the couch, he plopped himself down, sighing in relief.

Sakusa having a bad day is an understatement.

The weather is bad, rainy and muddy outside, making their volleyball practice get cancelled for their own safety. Just today, when he woke up, he found that you weren't around. Sakusa had no idea where you went and it angers him that you didn't let him know. He waited for you and he spent his time cleaning the house and yet it has been an hour since you left.

And he hadn't have his breakfast and it made him more grumpier and more icy than ever.

Sakusa stood up and was about to go to the kitchen to eat on his own when the door opened, revealing you in muddy clothes.

"Hi babe!" You softly chuckled before breaking out in to a harsh and loud cough.

Sakusa flinched at that.

He observed you as you drop the plastic bags filled with what he assumed groceries.

He watched as you slowly walk into the living room, leaving a disgusting trail of wet puddles and mud.

Sakusa clicked his tounge.

"Y/N!" He frowned as you stopped in the middle of the living room, looking up at him. "I just mopped up the floor!"

"Oh, I'm sorry—"

"Save it Y/N. . ." He clicked his tongue in annoyance once more, picking up the mop again. You knew he was mad, and you tried not to worsen the mood more. "Look what you did!"

"Babe. . . I'm really—"

"I said save it!" He raised his voice higher making you shut up. "Where are you from?"

"I went to the grocery—"

"We still had a lot of food!" Sakusa pointed the way to the kitchen, eyebrows deeply furrowed.

"No, there isn't—"

"Shut up okay?!" Sakusa banged the mop on the floor harshly, you flinched. Tears threatened you.

He wasn't always like this and if he ever is, it wouldn't be a pleasant sight.

Sakusa run his hands through hair, tugging it stressfully.

"Go to the bathroom and clean yourself!"

You slowly slumped across the living room in the way to the bath.

"If you want to be part of this household, then make yourself useful. . ."

You turned around just as he finished whispering those words.

"What?"

Sakusa turned to you.

"I said 'If you—'"

You laughed, humorlessly.

"So you're saying I'm not useful?" You voice cracked with sadness.

Sakusa only stared at you with his stoic expression.

"That I'm worthless?" You pointed to yourself.

Sakusa frowned. "I didn't say that—"

"But you're making it sound like that!" You raised your voice, running your hands through your damp hair angrily and in stress.

"You're the one who's making it mean like that!" Sakusa exclaimed, slightly shaking from anger.

"I am your fucking s/o! And you have the audacity to insult me!"

Both of you argued on and on, the clock ticking away, voices getting louder than the last. You don't know when would this end and how.

Both of you were stubborn, both doesn't want to lose from the other.

Until, Sakusa had enough. He swiped the things away from the coffee table, making the fragile things on it shatter loudly, triggering the tears that sat on the edge of your eyes and fall down your cheeks.

"Would you shut it?!" Sakusa's cheeks glowed red.

"You're not telling me what to do!" You shouted back.

"You are so fucking stubborn!" His voice trembled. "You know what? I regretted to be with you!" He screamed shakily, pointing at your smaller figure.

Tears flowed down your cheeks more. You stepped up to him, you didn't care if you're still damp with rain.

"And you know what? I did too," you spat the words with venom and you saw Sakusa softened, guilt immediately swan in his eyes.

You immediately walked to the main door and Sakusa immediately followed, trying to string his sentence but it all ended up with a stutter mess.

"Y/N!" He called as you banged the main door close, you walked out the glass doors and you were immediately met with heavy rain pouring down your back harshly.

You didn't know where to go and you panicked when you hear Sakusa running to you from behind.

"Y/N!"

You tried to run away but he gripped your wrist, making you turn to him.

"Y/N. . . Please. . . please. . ." He grabbed your hands and clasped his huge hands around yours, looking at you with pleading eyes. "I didn't mean—"

You sobbed.

"Maybe it's better if you find someone new. . ." You tried to pry your hands away from his, in which you successfully did due to him staring at you in shock.

"What? No! I won't replace you!" He shook his head, making his now curly hair sway along with him.

He paused, guilt swimming at the pit of his stomach and his lungs, making it hard to think and breath.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

You looked up at him and you immediately spoke.

"I—"

"No,no,no,no," he chanted, tears swelling his own eyes. He held your hand as he let out a sob that he tried to keep in.

He knelt down still clasping your hands, looking up at you. Sakusa broke down, sniffles, hiccups and sobs escaping his trembling lips.

"No,no,no, please don't break up with me," he cried.

You cried with him as you knelt down beside your lovely boyfriend.

"Please don't, Y/N. . . I- I can do anything! Just forgive and stay with me—"

You peck his lips, making him shut up.

"I won't break up with you, silly boy," you went to his chest as he hugged you right, both of you crying hard and not really caring of you're out in the rain.

"I'm sorry," you sobbed.

"I'm sorry too," he sobbed back.

You pulled back and wiped his tears, and he did the same, which was useless since the rain was still drenching you both.

"Let's dance in the rain?" you wiggled your eyebrows at him as you let out a distorted laugh since your throat is still sore.

"That only happened in cringy romantic movies," he let out a watery laugh of his own.

Nevertheless, you both stood back on your feet and danced in the rain.

Whew! That was a trip, my finger really said ✨No✨ when I wanted to make another angst for an another character.

Thanks for reading this blog and likes and reblogs are appreciated ;)

I hope my likes won't go down for not posting in a while :(

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