#i want to call off ugh
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ive been watching the dog motif show... why is no one talking about this guy. isaac lahey come home from france,,,, sweet boy,,,, we miss you,,,
#teen wolf#fanart#isaac lahey#x#there is actually so much to his character that it makes me wanna gnaw my fingers off#what do you mean he dug his own grave and accepted the bite with the assurance that it would save him from his abuse#but in reality he just traded one angry man for another#and he never escapes this cycle#and there is no other ending to this story#because he gets written off the show but he doesn't even get a tragic death bc the actor wanted to keep all his options open#daniel sharman when i fucking catch you#ugh#also i think this post is very on brand for me#sorry falsettos fans another niche no-demand fandom inside a fandom was calling my name#god i love bad television#punica granatum
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I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]
Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.
At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.
Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.
Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.
It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.
I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.
At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.
#J/C is not interesting to me when they're strifelessly playing house or Chakotay is her lovesick yesman who'll do whatever she says#Kathryn Janeway#Chakotay#I really wish they'd kept up this kind of tension between the crews and used Tuvok/Janeway/Tuvok as like a microcosm of that tension#it'd be so good!!#Tuvok#<- he's there too#chara analysis#star trek voyager#st voy#Is this the only episode they call the ship 'The Voyager' ??#Also hearing Harry call Tom 'Mr Paris' is funny - early seasons voyager you have my heart early seasons voy supremacy#ANYWAY - that's beside the point#I do like how the maquis v starfleet tension is handled in this episode#I love how we see everyone start working together and relationships begin to form#How once B'Elanna shows her stuff Janeway is almost immediately intrigued and excited & how B'Elanna feeds off that excitement#The Doctor: -annoyed annoyed complaining complaining snarky comment- ugh I can't believe I have to help with something STUPID#Kes: You're very sensitive aren't you~? /gen /pos#The Doctor: ???? um ..... haha. idk. anyway I'm glad I could help :)#'how can we be seeing a reflection of something that we hadn't even done yet?' Voyager I love you MWAH#Tom Janeway B'Elanna: -temporal mechanics- / Harry: .... so how do we get out???#SUUCKS that in later seasons B'Elanna & Chakotay's relationship isn't focused on anymore but I mean. Every poc is pushed aside in later#seasons. But here you can see how much Chakotay believes in her and wants her to succeed!!! No wonder she likes him so much#He was probably one of the first people to really believe in her and SHOW IT and now Janeway's doing the same thing <3#My above post may paint Janeway somewhat negatively but it's only in the 'character flaws and being wrong about things means you have#a chance to grow' way - as soon as B'Elanna shows her potential Janeway wants to encourage it#God B'Elanna's so pretty#I forgot Seska was on the bridge!#'many of your teachers thought you had the potential to be an outstanding officer' SOMEONE SHOULD HAVETOLD HEEEER!!!!!!!!#WHY DID NO ONE TELL HEEER!!!!!
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My unpopular opinion is that in languages with grammatical gender like french, it does make sense for Murderbot to be referred to by whatever pronoun is usually used for robots or constructs. (In french, therefore, grammatical masculine.) Because there are no traditional « it » pronouns in these languages for objects, and while there are neo-pronouns, they are things one must choose for themselves. Do you honestly think MB actually spent time thinking about its pronouns?! No it didn’t. On forms it picks « non-applicable ». When people ask it what pronouns they should use, its honest opinion is « why do you even need to talk about me. Just don’t fucking do that. Don’t think about me either. Just fucking stop perceiving me altogether! »
Thinking about what pronouns to use probably makes it way more uncomfortable than letting people call it what they’ve already been calling it. Making a conscious choice about its identity? And telling other people about it??? No thanks bye, it’s just gonna walk into the ocean now, see you never.
Lbr it probably thinks the only bots that get fancy pronouns are comfort units, and the pronouns are probably shoved into them by humans same as everything else. MB would meet a bot using a neopronoun and it would wish it could barf. Because in a language like french, he/him and she/her, when applied to objects, ARE fulfilling the function of the english « it ». Nobody is saying the table is a woman or related to feminity in any way outside of stand-up comedy; when it comes to objects grammatical gender really has fuckall to do with human gender even if we use the same words. Even animal species names have grammatical gender and everyone gets that there are male and female turtles even if the word « turtle » is a female word, it’s not that confusing.
(I know this is strange when your language has different pronouns for people and for objects, but understand that english uses the same word to indicate if I’m addressing one or many people, and that is confusing to me.)
TL;DR; stop harassing international fans for not getting the correct MB pronoun in english right off the bat. Yes in english calling it « he » or « her » or « them » is upsetting because it’s projecting an identity unto it. But same goes for trying to get a foreign language translation to use a pronoun intended to express or showcase an identity (or even a lack of one!). Murderbot has not thought about it this hard, refuses to think about it this hard -> and that is its only canon accurate gender identity.
#the murderbot diaries#taking a bat to an hornet’s nest there but I said what I said#I go by she/her because that’s the default people use for me even tho my own gender identity is also#ugh I would sincerely prefer not to have to deal with this think about it or even be perceived#and I would be hella pissed if a book of my life came out and people got into fights about my pronouns#trying to assign me the most politically accurate agender pronoun possible#when my own choice has always been specifically to let people call me the default because idc#and I don’t want to be identified by any identifier that might indicate I do care#and using a different pronoun even if its a gender neutral one is a CHOICE!#it does indicate a preference! and caring about it enough to pick a word and tell people about it!!!#Murderbot didn’t pick IT that is specifically the point!#it was used for it and MB just kept going with that#I mean imagine it if wrote down a different pronoun on its ID form one day and someone actually called it that#it would set itself on fire#its discomfort at having made a personal choice and the personal choice being respected would be off the charts#maybe it a later book after hella character development but I just don’t see it happening tbh#respect the agenders who just don’t want to get involved and use the pronoun equivalent of the default avatar that came with the account#PLEASE#that is all
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Already said this but since everybody is too busy on the failmance happening im gonna say it again: Vi starting their confrontation by saying “never thought [my sister] would orphan kids” only to be stopped from killing jinx. By an orphan kid.
#its about how jinx specifically calls vi her sister. thats WHY she has to kill her she wont balk from that#but vi disowns her as a sister (crazy bc she was her only blood family but thats nbd in zaun) bc thats the only way she can kill jinx#vi just GASSED zaun and is a COP now jinx should be disowning her#it wouldve been SO good if jinx flipped the s1 finale situation#and started asking what vander or mylo or claggor would think while wearing his stolen goggles#if vi wasnt so hot yall would actually call out her bad decisions or red flags but go off ig#bc this scene is also after she watched jayve KILL a kid. not even orphan one! and she was LITERALLY like ‘so? kids be dying.’#anyway the fact that isha is also aware of cait trying to shoot jinx so she hugs her. puts her head in the mf WAY on purpose#and vi has to have the same moment as jayce. ‘what have we done’ you became the very thing you swore to hate sweetheart :))#to have a child from zaun. your home btw. look at you in an enforcer uniform and shes full of fear and rightous fury.#its that day on the bridge again. vi had that same look in her eyes when vander carried her away. when did her lines and her values become#so easy to sway. well bc she loves someone of course. but she betrays you too. i can only laugh#its stupid bc s1 jinx is literally only doing what vi grew up wanting to do for vander. like actually.#bc its the same that they cannot steal from topside so it wouldve meant stealing and fighting and eventually killing people in oposition#like your sister was building nail bombs at 9 years old. you encouraged her. ‘theyll work eventually’ and then she kills and vis like 😰😰🤢🤢#bc she only sees silco. ugh kill me#can somebody talk about THEM please yknow one of the main focuses of the show#arcane#netflix arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers
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finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here
#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs#neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten#and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the#authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA#i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn#is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared#bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane#ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT#when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks#all for the game#aftg#what are yalls tags?#neil josten#the raven cycle#trc
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I have a enemies to lovers-lovers to enemies toxic yuri story with mattel i guess
#ever after high#eah#mattel#seriously i prefer the mattel winx and disney princess dolls#i hate on mattel but there is always worse things#they are bad with quality but they serve face i guess#im not okay thinking about eah again ofc..#i want to collect every eah thing#and i just found about kuu kuu harajuku and now im in love ugh i love dolls#enchantimals still exists and guys tbh i think i need to have its media because its what we still have from eah#like its an spin off and even tho i like mh g3 its like the monster high less related to eah yknow#so enchantimals is literally what was left#there were some things that could be released but werent#like the duchess lets down her hair book#and an apple playset called back to school#as much as i hate the most recent eah dolls this was an okay one#i was looking over the dolls and now i find some of them really pretty lmao#the line book party is all good but the kitty doll is 10/10 seriously i love her#and cedar birthday ball is actually so pretty? i used to hate birthday ball and hated their colorful hairs but i love her now#and these lines mentioned are still with the old facemolds and are fully articulated#i just found out about the eah merch site so im unwell#sorry i have lots of thoughts mattel is probably responsible for all my problems and blessings#the day it was oficially confirmed that eah was cancellef was 08/28/18#the same day the book duchess lets down her hair was supposed to be released#we lost so much dude
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look at them look at them look at them look at them look at th
#KJGHSDGLKSDHGKJSHD BITES THEM KILLS THEM PUTS THEM IN THE GROUND DROWNS THEM#ugh. UGH. want them dead.#i want so bad for them to be happy and be friends and possibly kiss each other idk#i really miss these two actually#they were friends when they were kids!!! and then harry got sent off to england =[#they got to be friends again for like. a day. and then everything went wrong#yeah they were friends for the majority of the movie but things were going awful. it drives me insane.#ALSO ALSO ALSO ik i say this all the goddamn time but. the 'pete' 'har' thing is just sooooooo. when they have nicknames for each other <33#no one else calls either one of them those names and its so sweet its such a cute and quick thing like its so easy to miss#ANYWAY. i should watch this movie again. agh.#spiderman#peter parker#harry osborn#parksborn#tasm2#the amazing spiderman 2
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struggling rn cause i wish i knew other lesbians irl to talk to or have as a rolemodel.
#my workplace is fun and while i do not have the impression they are homophobic they are all straight and#the girls my age there really always blocked off when talking about dating stuff even though thry ALWAYS tell me avout their tinder guys#is this queer loneliness??#idk#i listen to yall really but every single day some guy from apps like😭 pls#and then to always block off when i start about girls and my dating life#ok i get it you are disgusted by me ig#ugh#but then they call you pet names and think yoh want smth or so#😭 im so sorry i needed to get this out somewhere#im feeling alone lowkey like i did in school when i wasnt out#but it will be better#when i see my friends again#and my best friend also has a boyfriend now which i am sooo happy about (he sounds wonderfullll!!!!!)#but can anyone around me not talk about dating men every day😮💨#dont get me wrong i love you all and i am happy for you and will gladly listen but give me the same energy#rant#personal#lesbian#lgbtq
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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Somehow the tip of my right eyelid right above my eyelashes (or right where they are?) is a bit swollen and hurts a little, and I have absolutely no idea how something like that even happen lol.
Thank gosh it’s finally Friday, which means one last shift to go, but I’m already so exhausted and tired that I’ll probably have to pass out when I get home or something. I don’t even have energy for todays shift o|-< my everywhere is aching and I got weird bruises in places I don’t remember getting lol (like a really dark one on my stomach?????)
#blabbering#I’m that type of tired where my head/face hurts and my brain is gonna start overheating lol#I don’t even think the two days off are gonna be enough after this tbh#I just want energy to draw and play gw2#I still gotta go to the pharmacy too after work (after calling them first to see if they got it ready to pick up first ugh)
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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every time i see an ai generated writing piece on ao3 i become approximately 10% more evil
#this goes for like. all ai generated stuff lowkey#i just. it pisses me off so badly#ai has never made anything close to a masterpiece because it can’t. it’s just. ugh#calling it ai is generous imo cause it’s just like. it’s all pattern based stuff yknow#it’s not really creating stuff or being smart. it’s collageing in the worst way possible#idk if i wanted shitty fanfic i would write it#i don’t want a computers shitty work that would fail the lowest level creative arts class#and posting it also??? like. just ugh. i hate it so so so much#i’m not even going into like the actual evil of ai for ppls kobs#like. ai is just so bad. so so bad. why the fuck do i have to encounter it constantly
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work….:(
#i’m so sad today#and i just wanted to work on a drawing before i go into work today#because i feel like it and it’s fun and i wanted to get my mind off things#and then a coworker called me asking work related questions#and now i gotta do extra work related stuff BEFORE i go into work#i’m just ….#ugh#i don’t wanna think about work outside of woooork IM PART TIME#anyway whatever hopefully when i get home i’m still in the mood to draw#venus talks
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While I'm on the topic, I need to share that last night I couldn't sleep because I was thinking of a rote adaptation and I even had an idea for the intro. I'm unwell
#i think im probably on the spectrum but i dont like self diagnosing so i dont want to call it an hyperfixation#but it might be#btw my idea for the intro is a parchment with the farseer family tree and the ink is wet and bleeding down#and it shows all the members of the family all the way to fitz#the title of the show would be 'the farseers' evocative of your standard family drama and it covers only the fitz centric books#liveships and rainwilds would be spin offs#and the first ep would start with fitz saying his thing about writing a history of the six duchies being the same as a history of his family#etc etc#and the ep would end with him saying 'i came to court where everyone recognized me as a catalyst. and a catalyst i became'#kyaaaa#whoever has the rights to adapt rote needs to hire me#i even started thinking of writing an script for the pilot and do storyboards for it ugh pure insanity
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Racist white ppl who don’t realize they’re racist getting mad about gojo is so funny
#y’all do the same shit#making them hot cheeto girl edits using AAVE USHER!!#helloooooo call in house etc.#but also I’ve been saying this for awhile#where ppl don’t want complicated characters or interesting arcs bc then they have to think about themselves#I’m not just yapping y’all u can look back#this is the second time feeling so vindicated#bc when it happened with Sokka and everyone was confused I literally said this is a product of this mindset#like grand scheme the reason they removed that from Sokka is that y’all can’t stomach ur faves having biases even when they improve#look at how y’all are reacting to gojo#I may tell a joke but I will never tell a WHAT#well no I lie a lot sorry#anyways point is y’all running to say gojo isn’t racist even tho the point of the scene is him unlearning that bias#and then turning around and saying you want complex characters#like it’s so telling when the only flaws u give ur characters is insecurity and maybe assholeish tendencies that don’t actually mean a lot#like y’all want these ppl to be you till they’re actually you#ugh#anyways y’all are so lucky I resisted adding my hate for another character for this#you ALRDY know who#just know he’s in here too#oh obvious obligatory duh ppl didn’t write sokka or gojo bc of eachother I’m talking about behavioral trends across media consumption dont#piss me off like with the way y’all act I wouldn’t be surprised#I’m not saying they’re related Like linearly or whatever I’m saying this shit isn’t coming out of nowhere it’s YOU!
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#tag talk#reasons I skedaddled from the relationship a a week after joining:#I only liked one out of two. I would have totally been friends with the one I liked. just not the other one. and you can't pick just one#the annoying one called sex “the horny” and I wanted to nope the hell out of there#I tried to build emotional distance by talking about how I was leaving at the end of the year and got told "#got told 'I'll still care about you even after you're gone' which like...#I react so so poorly to people who care so much they overstep my emotional boundaries#that's like. lowkey a trigger for me. I showed off my scars and they reacted with sympathy.#sympathy over my sick-ass scars that I'm proud of. I was like 'aren't these cool?' and they reacted with sympathy. no thanks#once again.. I like men. it was an experiment but I'm done. I wanted to see what it was like and I got my taste#they go on the list of people I've had sex with only once. because I usually do not go back for a second time with people#there was a chance I could have gotten one of them to play aoe with me that's the only potential benefit I could have gotten from them#otherwise nothing I wanted. they weren't good hiking pals. not good skating buddies. lame taste in movies.#the annoying one talked about wanting to be a sugar mommy which I should have seen as another un-vibe data point#cause I don't vibe with overly generous caring people either#tbh I'd rather be hated than simped over. I can't stand cloying overbearing kindness#people like that so often act as if their kindness entitles them to you and I just.. ugh. emotional blockages in place#it switched me back to L and now I'm he him pronouns again#and lowkey I think when we move I'm gonna cut our hair. I miss it short. we made a really cute guy.#being called miss and ma'am is fine and all but damn I miss being a cute boy#anyway. my life continues to be tumultuous and it's my own damn fault. I regret nothing but I will learn from this experience
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