#i usually run only a bit more than 5 kilometers but today i did 10 and i really wanna do that again while I'm still here

[tardis--dreams]

I am Obsessed with my running route here

[mcrmadness]

Oh look, an anxiety attack, hadn't had one in a while... yay

It's the health anxiety again. I random, small itchy spot just popped up to my wrist out of nowhere and now I cannot go to shower and I don't know if I dare to go to sleep even. It's almost 5:30am and I have a meeting tomorrow (today) after 1pm.

I'm still in the middle of a panic attack, I'm terrified of allergy despite not being allergic to anything. I get these skin things sometimes but usually never due to anything specific. In fact I suspect that it's just my skin being very sensitive and reacting easily to things like a hair or fur or even a corner of a piece of paper pressing against my skin for a little too long. Sometimes I get these on my neck when my necklace is touching my skin a certain way (e.g. when I'm trying to sleep and don't realize the pointy part is against my skin), sometimes I get these just from my clothes and I try to think it's probably a cat fur or my own hair that's just in a position that it is sticking against my skin.

It's just. Right now I am in the alert mode. All my body hair is sticking up and I can feel my blood circulating all around in my skin, ready to fight or flee. I'm just checking out every single sensation I get in case it's not just one spot but more would appear. My skin feels itchy from everywhere. I am so, so exhausted but I am too afraid to go to sleep until I calm down enough.

Some days, life with an anxiety disorder is so exhausting. It's moments like these that feel like a reality check. Feeling like I was doing just fine and having my anxiety under control, and then there is one second like this and I feel like I'm a fool for even thinking about my future because I have anxiety. One second like this can trigger a panic attack and depending on the time of the day (usually they happen at nights because everyone's asleep and I wouldn't want to bother e.g. my parents at 5am), it can just. Mess up with everything. Cause me to fuck up my sleeping schedule because I am too afraid to sleep, so then I sleep only like 2 hours or none at all, or if I have no plans, then I'll go to sleep when I have calmed down enough and it can be anything from 6am to 1pm.

Moments like these always reminds me of how I can't have a job. I mean, what is even worse than having these panic attacks? To not be able to sleep because you are too afraid to sleep no matter how exhausted you would be, and then still having to get up in time to go to work and be there, totally exhausted, as that will also create even more anxiety because of how overwhelming everything feels when you haven't slept enough. Anxiety attacks also drain so much energy that all you want to do afterwards is sleep. Skip any plans and just sleep and rest. It's another reason why I am afraid of having to start a "real job" one day because I don't know if I can manage that. I might be doing alright most of the time and then I have just one random physical sensation and my whole world falls apart because I think I'm dying and wanna know what caused that sensation but am too afraid to try again in case it's something dangerous.

Tomorrow the meeting is with the occupational therapist. For the past few meetings we have been talking about studying and working and browsing all kinds of schools and study opportunities and have been trying to figure out what would interest and also suit me. I also mentioned that I have been thinking about if there would be anything in Germany next year that I could do for like 2-3 months before the summer so I wouldn't have to wonder where to live during that 2-3 weeks between the concerts. Maybe this panic attack is partially of that too. I just feel so exhausted because the autumn and seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder) is approaching, I would not be on the mood for any shit like that tomorrow but I know the time will run out soon and it'd be easier to do that now than in e.g. February. Plan stuff, I mean. I don't need to do anything yet, just go through options and plan things. But you know, I just would not have that energy now.

I've been having derealization and depersonalization moments lately too. Mainly because I have been wondering my future and every time I do that, I just am hit with the reality and start to dissociate. Because it's just... so difficult to understand how big the world is. How there are other countries outside of mine. How things are happening. My small die ärzte bubble at home is so safe. Everything outside that bubble is scary. I am afraid of mental breakdowns. What would I do if I was all alone in a new country and had a mental breakdown? I could not call my mom if I can go to their place at night. There would be a few thousands of kilometers too many between the places.

I have friends in Germany, but I still don't know what would I do or where would I go. Berlin has been a dream for over 10 years but I keep being told it's impossible to find a flat from there. I don't think any of my friends live in Berlin, either. Nor that close to Berlin. So I would be all alone in a city where I don't even have friends. And all my German friends live all around the country and I just... don't think there is any point in choosing a city just because a friend lives in the city. There is no point running after friends who also have other plans and goals. I very likely would just be left alone in their town, too, if I did that and they found a future from somewhere else and moved on.

It's just. I don't know. The loneliness is awful and one of the biggest reasons for why I have been thinking about Germany is that I might find more like-minded people from there, and of course to be closer to where everything dä is happening as I could even walk to a store and find and buy an album or maybe a poster, or just a magazine with interviews. Something that never happens in my city nor even country. Still I just always have this feeling like I would have doomed to be "forever alone" - me being aroace and not looking for any kind of (romantic) partnership doesn't help much either, just creates even bigger gap between me and those who are looking for a partner and eventually will find one. I dream that I would be less lonely in Germany and that it would be the solution to all of my problems, but at the same time I'm afraid that I would be as lonely there as I am here. I guess it's partially also my own fault because I never go anywhere, but in Finland I can't much because people are so introverted that every social interaction often happens when people are surrounded by alcohol and I don't drink alcohol. Already in junior high I felt that I had no social life because everyone else's social life was revolving around alcohol and I had no desire to take a part to any of that.

Well, at least I now feel a little better after venting. Not having that much anxiety anymore, but still being a bit confused as always. Feeling like wasting my time and being too old for anything. I need friends of my age but I still feel like I was 18 and see younger people and think they are friend material and then realize they're literally 10 years younger and we do think differently. I have seen it so many times, but I just constantly forget that people in their early 20s are still so young that we're basically from different worlds at this point.

I'll continue watching youtube videos. A little bit of escapism before I decide if I am brave enough to either shower or sleep. 5-6 hours until I have to wake up.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'A reason to hold on': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"A reason to hold on"

"Let's face it, Grigoriev, you're just a pathetic little lost girl, running to get her memories back but I'm going to stop you in your run!"

Chapter Summary: Yirina is trying to forget the dream that she lived earlier this day before taking a night of sleep and having a discussion about things with a friend...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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Park did have a good idea to left Century House than usual today, not only because she was looking exhausted on the outside but for me, she was either doing it to avoid the CIA's eyes during our way back to the apartment...something that was a bit not believable for me as our paranoid attitudes were still on or because she maybe saw that I wasn't very well after she woke me up in the office but either way, she did a good choice. Me, I was still shocked by the news we learned today from Liliya...

I learned that Perseus himself had two real children who are Bellamy Petrov & Liliya Petrov that he totally forgot about them, focusing on raising me & Freya instead. That....it was shaking me down on the inside: why did he abandon them? Why only raising me & Freya instead of having them too? Why did he do this? I couldn't know the answer and my head...I'm pretty sure that it doesn't have the answer to those questions, the only person doing that is Perseus...him...and he's not around. He abandoned them, and now, he greeted them back like that, Bellamy was the only one staying in the Collective while Liliya joins the CIA.

Those thoughts stayed in my head for the remainder of the day, walking back to the apartment in the group while still watching our backs, having dinner in the dining room, playing a little game of 'Bullshit' but they were still here, now adding to that, that weird dream that could have made me cry again in front of the others, seeing that scene again from time to time and that's what caused me to get earlier in my bedroom at 10 PM while the others were continuing to play the game even if Park was showing signs of concerns.

Instead of getting undressed & laid down on my side of the bed, I decided to stay sit in front of the bed, still in my clothes, blank stare looking at the wooden door like that, having no particular expression on my face as I was trying to remove that weird dream out of my head. My hands were slightly sliding on the top of my lap to concentrate...that dream needed to go...I can't see Freya kill Park...I can't see it...

"No, Beans, you're not coming," My sort of struggle was interrupted as I heard Park's muffled voice behind the door before the handle starts to move, the door opened softly. "You've already got a bed for yourself," She said, her voice sounding normal as she stepped into the room, looking outside on the ground. "Good night, Beans," She then closes the door in front of her as the lights outside went off.

"Seems that someone wanted to come in," I scoffed as Park turned around to look at me

"Yeah, don't have enough place for someone else on our bed, right?" She admitted, winking at me with her left eyebrow before a look of questions was seen on her face. "I thought that you will be already under the blanket," She narrowed her eyes, her hands that were almost going to take her shirt off

"I couldn't, had to...get something off," I breathed as my eyes closed for one second...enough to see the exact moment when that gunshot in the dream went off, watching Park's face..."That dream again as you maybe thought," I told her.

"The...the same one you talked about a little earlier that day?" She presumed, her hands moving away from her shirt as she kneels in front of me, looking worried.

"Yes..." I snorted, passing my left hand below my nose after that. "I'm having flashes of you getting shot in the chest by Freya," I explained, my eyes looking down as I fear to see her face...and the expression she used in that dream that was terrifying me.

"Why you didn't tell me before?" She asked, worried in her voice as her right-hand starts to move near my face as I could see.

"I didn't want you to be stressed & afraid about me," I replied, my lips barely moving to say those words.

"Yiri, you know that you can say everything," She confided, feeling the cold side of her hand slowly caressing my left cheek, removing along the way the hair that was on the cheek.

"I know but I'm not sure if I can really say anything about that...nightmare," I chuckled, her thumb passing below my left eye as a little tear came out of it. "You don't want to know," I muttered.

"Please, tell me...tell me..." She demanded in a pleading voice as her other hand moved on my face on the other cheek.

"You're sure, you...are sure?" I questioned her and she nodded without any hesitations on her face, her eyes looking sad...I needed to tell her.

"Just tell me, it'll be fine," She affirmed in a low voice, awaiting for me to speak about that dream.

"Okay, I...I was in a sort of bedroom, dressed up in a black suit. " I started, trying to keep a straight face for Park to look at her. "Someone called me out and as soon as I left...I found myself...in a place that was making a wedding on a cliffside," I continued.

"A...a wedding?" Park whispered, keeping her hand on me as I nodded to her.

"Yes and..." I took a deep breath, wondering what she could say after the next parts. "You were there...dressed in a white wedding dress," I revealed, Park's eyes going all wide, the palms of her hands staying on my face. "Standing below an altar, asking me to come next to you and I did, we were alone at that moment and after a few seconds....it happened," I continued, looking away from her as I saw that expression again for real.

"A wedding dress?" Park was sounding more confused & astonished at what I said, maybe believing that I was joking but that first part took over with the seriousness of my voice.

"I tried to help you to stop the bleeding but Freya was shouting at me, saying that I was hers, that you never loved me and..." I stopped myself to take a little breath, not looking so well right now. "And then, it was done..the last thing I saw was you, your body all limp...dead..." I added before closing my eyes, making a silent cry.

"I'm sorry, Yirina, I'm sorry," Park apologized as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, my head against her own left shoulder, silently crying...It wasn't her fault at all, it never was..."If only...if only..." She tried to say before she stops herself in her words, not saying anything else.

"You did what you have to do, it was not your fault," I told her, my voice muffled by her shoulder as her hands around me stayed. "I love you, that's the main thing," I confirmed, her right hand moving behind my head who got on her shoulder.

It wasn't her fault...it never was...

We stayed in that position for about 5 minutes, Park still hugging me on the end of the bed before she got up back at her feet, feeling myself a little better with that dream slowly going away to get undressed, allowing me to do the same before I installed myself right under the blanket at my side of the bed, watching Park undressing slowly but surely not like I did before she moved to get on the bed with me.

"You're okay, Yiri?" Park asked as she got the blanket on her, me looking away in another direction from her.

"Yeah, I just...try to sleep now," I responded in a low voice, my eyes struggling to not get close for the moment.

"Yirina?"

"Yes?" I demanded.

"Uhm...in that dream...how I was in that...wedding dress?" She asked me in a curious & positive voice, feeling that need to think positively on a small part of that dream. "You said that it was white, how I was in it?" She added.

"You were...so damn pretty, looking so well on you," I replied with a big smile on my face, just to think about it before I could feel her hands on my chest for a cuddle as she got closer to me, leaving no longer space between us.

"Thanks," She said, landing a kiss right behind my neck, and then, she stayed near me, her hands wrapped around my chest.

I continued to smile about it, my hands going above hers as I was now seeing in front of my eyes, only Park dressed in that wedding dress...looking so damn pretty, so...lovely. This was the best thing I saw in days and it was giving me a little smile to think about it...how I can propose to her? And when I would be able to do this? It's with those questions that I closed my eyes to get some needed sleep...

"What does Portnova wants with me?" I said to myself as I was sitting on the hood of a blue car, smoking a cigarette. The view in front of me was a big river and from afar, I could perceive Moscow, meaning that I was sure one or two kilometers from the city by looking at it. The night was surely making the landscape looking much better but to say, I was nonetheless freezing even with a leather jacket around me.

The whole place around me was nearly silent: no wind knocking against the trees, only hearing the water hitting the side of the river, and the radio inside the car that was still turned on along with the car front lights enlighten up slightly a part of the river. I wanted to have some silence so I moved away from the hood to open the front door of the car and shut off the radio, making a relieving breath when I do it.

It was after I closed the front door that another light arrives on the scene, hearing a car driving on the dirt path leading here as I saw, without been blinded by the light of the incoming car, Portnova alone, driving it before she parked it alongside my car, shutting down everything including the lights of it.

"Sorry for my late," She started first the conversation, getting out of the car as she was wearing a black leather jacket with a red scarf and blue jeans.

"That's okay, I arrived here only a few minutes ago," I exclaimed, throwing at my feet the cigarette to crush it down as she closed the door of her car. "You know, we can talk at your place or in mine, no need to go to an isolated place," I complained about that.

"I know but I couldn't go to your place without having Zasha around," She explained in a sort of joking voice. "I needed to talk with you alone and not with Zasha," She clarified, walking to get in front of me, looking a bit unsure on her moves.

"What about?" I asked, sitting again as I was minutes ago on the blue car's hood.

"Well...Uhm...how do you feel?" She demanded, looking down at her black boots, maybe thinking that she was uncomfortable to ask that from me.

"Right now, I'm good," I replied in a good voice, suddenly feeling the whole lie I did say as she looks at me with a raised eyebrow, holding her left arm with her right hand. "No...not so fucking great," I confessed, my hands on the car hood behind me. "With the situation getting out of hands and our wishes to defect, nothing can be good,"  I clarified, my right hand moving to scratch the back of my head.

"And what about Freya?" She questioned me, taking a step towards me.

"Her? She started to cheat on me with someone else that I don't know, she doesn't know that I know but I can't afford to tell her,"  I answered, tapping my two index fingers on the car, a little stressed about myself. "If I had to defect without her, so be it," I whispered, Portnova arriving near me.

"You know, Zasha told me about some...things from before," She said, getting my attention on her by turning my head around to look at her. "Is that true, you two...were in a little relationship before...years ago?"

"Yeah...they should have told you that after they got their panic attack days ago...when Dedov left," I presumed, looking away from her towards the river and the city on the horizon. "We swore to not talk about it but things changed, right?" I told her, shaking my head to think about the situation.

"I know, that was indiscreet from me to..."

"Ask me about it? That's okay," I cut her gently in her words, having guessed what she will say to me before. "That couldn't stay hidden deep forever," I snorted as Portnova decided to get sit next to me on the hood.

"I'm sorry in case if it brought you back memories that..." She tried to say before she stops herself, thinking that I was going to stop her by myself, now both looking at the horizon, without saying any words. "The two Yirina's talking about things...that's funny," Portnova spoke up after at least 30 seconds of silence between us.

"What were the odds that two people called Yirina will be friends and working together in the KGB in the same section?" I scoffed, breaking out a laugh that was looking so weird with that whole situation around us. "Yeah...that's funny," I admitted with a laugh, crossing my arms.

"My parents never wanted me to join the KGB, it was my teachers at the university who told me that I was good in cryptography," She confessed to me, having a smile on the left corner of her lips. "I want to wonder how my life could have been if I followed my parent's advice than my teacher's ones,"

"I don't know, you wouldn't have met me...or Zed," I suggested as the thoughts of another life came to me too. "Me; I would have like to...teach...or travel the world without having to carry a gun every day with me," I said.

"Things that we can't actually come back now, right?" Portnova presumed and I sadly nodded to her. "I'm not saying that...I didn't want to meet you & Zasha but if we could all avoid being mixed in a terrorist group, that could have been better,"

"Yeah, if there weren't the Collective..." I sighed, my hands getting below my chin to hold it. "Perseus made me a KGB officer just to...just as an insider agent," I revealed to her who wasn't surprised at that. "If I didn't join the KGB, I wouldn't have met Zasha and you," I exclaimed, a bit sad to tell myself sad: meeting the best friends in a path that I didn't like to take.

"Good choices...in a bad path," Portnova muttered to herself at my words, looking away from me.

"You know, I remember the day when we first met, you were very shy and looking stressed and now, you're very different," I stated.

"I can say thanks to you & Zeze for that," She smiled at me but that smile didn't last as tears came out of her eyes. "I'm scared, Grigoriev, I'm scared," She said, her voice sounding broken & in pain. "Zed is my only reason to hold on, I can't...I can't..."

"Hey, don't cry, Portnova," I demanded, moving my arms to hug her and trying to comfort her. "It's okay, we're going to flee, it'll be okay," I reassured her but she was still crying and it was slowly making me cry in silence.

I was staying to hug her but she was still crying in my arms and eventually, my own tears started to fall down my cheeks, even wondering to myself if what I said about being fine was really true but for the moment, I couldn't know. I was just trying to comfort a friend...

We all have a reason to hold on

My eyes opened by themselves in the middle of the night after that dream with Portnova, feeling myself a bit...sad of what I lived, seeing Portnova crying in my arms, that was the first time I saw her do that for real, knowing that she was never someone to be like that but no...I saw her cry, with tears and that...it was...troubling but my eyes didn't open by themselves because of that dream but...because were making noises in the apartment.

The phone was ringing permanently outside of the room and it wasn't stopping at all. I checked up my nightstand to see the time it was: 2:30 AM...and someone was trying to call the apartment at that time...for fuck sake, at 2 AM! I seriously thought at first that someone else than me will go to answer the phone but eventually, that wasn't going to be the case at all as I was the only one here awake to notice that.

It's with a big sigh that I woke up after getting Park's hands gently off me to get up from the bed, not taking the time to get dressed just to go answer the person that was constantly trying to call here. I opened the door, turning on the necessary light and meeting Beans who meowed at me, still not asleep before I join the phone in the living room.

"Yes?" I sighed, picking up the phone and using the most annoying voice that I have ever used in my life, adding a yawn to it.

"Thank god, finally," I was surprised when I heard Sarah's voice, the one working in Zasha's team through the phone, sounding very panicked.

"Sarah?" I whispered silently. "Why are you calling here, at Zasha's place at... 2 AM?" I asked her directly.

"Listen, I'm...I'm at Peter's place, he...shit, he killed himself!" She revealed to me, sending chills & freezing my blood at hearing those words. "Peter's death, he's...fuck...I don't know what happened but...you need to get over here now," She demanded, using the same voice she used when I first heard her.

"Wait, where is Peter's place located?" I asked her, trying to look around to find something to write on, found on the small table, a white pen & a small piece of paper.

"In the City of Westminster district, I needed to check him because I was going to tell him that I had feelings for him but...fuck...let me give you this precise address," She said before she starts to give me Peter's address, writing it on the piece of paper.

"What's happening?" I almost jump scared when I heard Park's voice coming into the room, wearing a simple shirt and nothing on her legs, sounding worried as I gestured for her to stay silent for a second.

"It's good, Sarah, I got it," I spoke up after I was done writing the address on the paper.

"Thanks, now..." She started to say before I heard a loud crash through the phone, like something falling on the ground. "Hey, fuckers, get off me...FUCK OFF!" I heard her shout in rage before the phone hanged up by itself, leaving me alone.

"Fuck!" I whispered before I turned around to Park, having to announce what I learned and what happened in a few moments from me...the situation just getting fucking worse... "Peter Furnill killed himself and Sarah, she has been kidnapped by someone before the phone hangs up, she gave me his address," I announced to Park who couldn't believe it.

"Bloody hell!" She roared, looking down at the ground as she was leaned with her left fist against the wall near the hallway leading to every room of the apartment before she got off, clenching her both fists...

"Dammit, let's get dressed now!"

[imnotwolverine]

Happy beginnings

Henry Cavill x OC Lisa - multi-chapter fic

Author’s note: Just a little fluff to quench your quarantine thirst. 

Word count: 4.061

Disclaimer: fluff

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This is part 2 of the Tea for Two story. 

Find the masterlist here.

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< Back to part 1

Another work week followed, that had made the last week seem like child’s play. Many changes had to be made. Overtime. A 16-hour workday. I barely had time to sleep or eat. By the time the last shoot was rolling, I had trouble keeping my eyes open, barely taking in the directing orders. Henry had steadily texted me throughout the week, drank tea with me once, be it rushed (a good 5 minutes), but other then that our contact had been minimal.

I was walking like a zombie towards the bus stop, hearing a car honk, making me fly up from my dazed state. I looked around, squinting my eyes to see. It was him. I sighed, letting out a breath of cold air, and walked up to his window. He looked equally exhausted. ‘Hey.’ I said meekly. ‘Hey you. Can I drive you home?’ ‘You sure?’ ‘Yes.’ He said with a confirming look, then nodded with his head to the other door. I walked over sluggishly and climbed in. He rubbed my leg and sighed. ‘These are the rough weeks.’ He said half yawning. ‘Tell me about it.’ I yawned, stretching myself, then looking at him. Even exhausted he was a thing of beauty. I touched his cheek with a drifting hand, which he caught, kissing it, then looking back at the road. It was rather quiet on the road as it was just past midnight. I felt my eyes flutter with sleep, making the struggle to stay awake, quite real.

We arrived at my place and without question we got inside my apartment, dumped our stuff, locked down and moved straight to bed. ‘I ..eh..got my period yesterday. So you know.’ I whispered, while we laid down in bed, snuggling. He kissed my forehead. ‘You okay?’ ‘Other then exhausted and moody? Pretty alright. I’ve had worse.’ I sniffled, snuggling even closer into his chest. We shared a quick good night peck, after which I fell asleep rather quickly, only waking up at some point since he was moving me so he could roll to his side, immediately embracing me again. I felt his hot breath in slow deep heaves heating my neck. His left hand folded protectively over my lower belly. The next day a heat wave broke through. Around 10 am we rolled out of bed sweating. I slumped to the bathroom to clean myself up, while Henry took a leak, making me wonder how comfortable we already were around each other. Usually it took a good 5 months before someone would pee openly next to the other..right? I guess not. This was more like 1 month. I snorted at his casual behaviour and moved to the kitchen to make some breakfast. It was time I got more food in my fridge, because with his appetite I ran out of food at an alarming rate.

Eating breakfast he looked at me sheepishly. ‘They are …starting to notice you.’ I looked up in dazed confusion from my bowl of muesli. ’They?’ ‘Colleagues. Asking ..what we are to each other.’ I smiled, remaining quiet. He continued. ‘I eh…would like to say we’re dating..but..are you okay with that?’ I looked up with an amused smile. ‘Of course. If anything I don’t want, it is for you to have to lie. We are dating. They may know that.’ ‘Good.’ He smiled, content. ‘May I tell my family about you?’ ‘Uhm…’ I looked up again at him. ‘Do you tell them about every woman you date?’ ‘No.’ I looked at him in disbelief. ‘So….’ ‘I really really like you. I want them to know about you first through me. Not the press.’ I nodded slowly, then shrugging. ‘I guess that’s a valid point. Thanks for asking. You can tell them if you want.’ He smiled, taking another large bite of his eggs on toast. I studied him for a moment. His large body sat on that tiny chair, hovered over a small breakfast plate with toast and eggs. His chest hair peaking out of his tight shirt, his hair disheveled, lost in thought while studying some advertisements that got into the mail. He eventually noticed me, smiling warmly at me.

We sat there for a bit before he sat up, ready to leave for the rest of his appointments that day. Despite his already completely exhausting work schedule, he had some sword training this afternoon and of course Kal required some attention. We kissed tired, languid kisses. I could see words on his tongue he did not speak when he cupped my face for a moment. Instead he just took a deep, hesitant breath and touched his forehead to mine. We stood there for a minute, just breathing each others breaths, sniffing each others smells, in the hallway of my apartment. A moment he eventually broke by pressing one more lingering kiss on my lips before he left. About an hour after he left, he send me an emoticon that made my breath stop for a moment. A heart. It said enough. But I wasn’t sure I could…return it. I did not give my love lightly. Wasn’t this just lust? I didn’t really know him all that well just yet. I instead sent back a blushing emoticon.

I went for a run, did some grocery shopping and snuggled all evening with Bib. She seemed even more slow than usual. A soft concern panged at my heart. She was 17. And the vet had already told me that she already was way past her due date. No teeth, near blind, scruffy pelt, hanging belly, weak muscles. I stroked her. ‘Hey you. Are you in pain?’ She didn’t even look up, while laying on her heated blanket. I tilted my head. I felt frustrated..I couldn’t go to the vet tomorrow, didn’t have a car to bring her to the vet hospital 10 kilometers away. I sighed, knitting my eyebrows together. Then again, there was little the vet could do, other then putting her to sleep. Forever. A silent tear billowed over my cheek. I eventually lifted her up, to which she didn’t respond, and put her next to me on the bed. I fell asleep stroking her scruffy pelt.

The next morning it was done. Bib’s body no longer showed life. She had gone slightly hard and cold. Tears started billowing over my cheeks. And despite it all, I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, put on clothes, pushed a few bites of breakfast inside my cheeks and pushed myself to walk out the door and go to work. I felt so lonely. I felt tears burn behind my eyes while colleagues muttered I was late and everything had to be changed again. I felt frustration I couldn’t just go home. Why couldn’t they just do it themselves? I huffed in frustration and went to the toilet to regain my senses. Sitting down in the stall of the women’s toilets I looked at the door. It said Kim Heart Henry. I blinked slowly, before deciding it was just another fan. I picked up my phone, then started scrolling back in me and Henry’s Whatsapp messages. It all left me cold for a moment, my eyes just gazing over the short conversations. And then I saw the first picture I sent to him. Bib. Tears started billowing over my cheeks. I sat there for a few minutes, just balling my eyes out. Not really caring that other people might hear me.

‘Hey..you okay girl?’ A heavy texan accent. I sniffled, wiping away the heavy tears. ‘Uh…Hi. Sorry.’ ‘Did he dump you?’ She said a touch more quietly. ‘What? Oh..no. Uh.’ I got up, flushed away the toilet paper I used for tissues and opened the stall door. It was one of the make up ladies. ‘My cat died.’ I sniffled in quiet voice, feeling not quite strong enough to fake a smile, my lip trembling. ‘Awh.’ She snickered motherly. ‘Oh honey!’ She wrapped her flabby arms around me without question, squeezing me tight. ‘That sucks!’ I laughed a shivery laugh. ‘She was old. It was coming. Still..sad.’ ‘You had me worried there for a moment. Thought he had gotten enough of you…like all those girls.’ I wiped away some tears and moved away from her a bit. ‘You’ve probably seen them all.’ ‘Yep. Coming. Going. He’s definitely searching.’ I splashed my face with some water, then dried it off with a paper towel. ‘You don’t seem to mind.’ I grinned, smiling at her, my eyes still red from tears. ‘I think many women don’t realise he’s a real person, not just some wet dream.’ She giggled. ‘Oh he ..is adorable, isn’t he? He reminds me so of my son.’ She flipped out her bag and revealed some make-up. ‘Let’s fix you up. First lesson in dating Henry. Don’t look too much of a sad mess or people will start spreading gossip like wild fire.’ I grinned sadly, allowing her to put on some eyeliner, blush and concealer. She was remarkably fast. ‘Wow, you’re fast.’ I said, looking into the mirror. She shrugged. ‘Don’t need to beat around the bush. And don’t want to hide your curious beauty.’ She tugged at my chin like a proud mother. I looked at her. She looked happy. I felt honored. ‘Thank you…?’ ‘Merle.’ ‘Merle.’ She winked. ‘Come on then gal.’

That evening on set, finally getting time to look at my phone, I noticed a bunch of new texts. ‘Hey..I heard about Bib. So sorry :( Want a hug?’ Sent an hour ago. I texted back. ‘Yea. Gosh. Had a little crying sesh in the bathroom today and Merle mothered me *sad smiley* Such a sweet woman.’ Quite immediately I saw the two checkmarks appear. Message read. I looked a bit at my screen in a daze, then had to move since some large decor pieces had to be moved. Not long after I noticed a white wig moving in the crowd, walking into the hallway, clearly looking for something, dodging moving crews, smiling at people talking to him. Henry. It took a good while before he was able to move through the crowd, before he saw me. And I just stood there, phone in hand, somewhat staring at him. He gave me a sad smile, sighed in relief and made quick way to me. Without saying a word he crushed his lips against mine. I could hear some gasps around me. For many the news hadn’t spread that we were in fact dating. So surely they were at best surprised, at worst in shock. But that didn’t matter. He cupped my face with his large hands and looked deeply into my eyes. ‘Sweetness.’ I just gave him a slow smile, my eyes still sad. His thumb stroked my cheek. ‘You could have texted me.’ ‘I know.’ I looked up into his eyes. We didn’t speak, just looked at each other. “CREW 1, shoot starts in 2. HALL 2.4. REPEAT. CREW 1, shoot starting.” I saw his lip pulling, his ear peaking at the speaker. He nodded, then looked back at me. ‘Off you go.’ I said, offering him a smile. He breathed in, pulling me in for one more kiss, a kiss that made him have to rush to get back on set in time, so slow and sweet. Like a prowling cat he jumped past people, disappearing again in the buzz.

One of the women came up from behind me, whispering: ‘It won’t last honey.’ I looked around, but seeing so many different people passing by, I couldn’t possibly know who it’d been. I looked around some more, then decided to shrug it off and get back to work. Just one more hour for set to end. Back in the bus homeward I opened our text conversations again. I sent him a kissing emoticon. ‘Thanks bear.’ He didn’t respond until I was in bed. ‘Rawr!’ With a smirking emoticon. I fell asleep with my phone in hand. Bib’s cold body now wrapped in a blanket next to me. Like she always enjoyed sleeping. But it didn’t feel so lonely now. Henry was there in spirit.

The week crawled by at excruciating slowness. Apparently the gossip train had started. I noticed people whispering, staring at me. And I decided to just smile at them, giving them the nod, or just plain ignoring them. By Friday I even got a comment from the bus driver. ‘Hey..aren’t you that gal that’s…hmm..where do I know you from?’ ‘I did a hair commercial once?’ I suggested. I saw him struggling to remember and he eventually shrugged it off. I never played in a hair commercial. I grinned, checked in and walked to the very back of the bus. The lights flashed by. Just one more day. I had, with pain in my heart, discarded Bib’s body at the vet’s office. It was empty in my house. No loud meows. Then I noticed a card on my door mat. I clicked on the lights and pushed the door closed. Curly handwriting. I pried open the envelope and pulled out a gold inscripted grey card. The premiere date for the new season we shot last year. I smiled. I sent a picture of the invitation to Henry. ‘You there Witcher?’ He responded with a selfie with an equal invitation, giving the oh-you-look. ‘They’re sending these invitations way ahead. Damn.’ ‘Hollywood…otherwise you’ll find nobody show up hehe. Besides. The storm following for dress shopping.’ ‘You’ll surely look darling in a dress.’ I sent with a wink emoticon. ‘Too soon to ask you along?’ ‘Too soon.’ I replied immediately. He sent a shrugging emoticon. Followed by a screenshot of some online webshop with dresses. ‘Red might be too daring right?’ I snickered. ‘Pick blue, fits your eyes. And halter, so your shoulders pop nicely.’ He sent an emoticon in laughter.

Henry is typing… I poured myself a cup of tea, keeping an eye on the screen. ‘I’ve told my mom about you :)’ ‘That’s so sweet. How’s your mom?’ ‘Good. Busy being a grandma to all my brother’s kids.’ Wink emoticon. Henry is typing…Removed. Henry is typing… I felt my heart racing again. ‘Was wondering. Do you go back to family over the holidays? Christmas?’ I looked in bafflement at that question. It was 3 more months till Christmas. 3 More weeks till we moved production to Poland. Then just one more month together on set before I moved to the UK. ….Then two months apart till Christmas. I sighed, feeling my heart jump. I clicked the call icon in the corner, waiting for him to pick up.

‘Hi.’ ‘Hi.’ ‘Christmas huh.’ ‘Too soon….?’ ‘It’s hard to go slow with you Henry. Uhm. I’m actually visiting my parents first day of Christmas. But’ll be back in the UK the second. Shooting starts again the…uh..Monday..after, I believe.’ ‘So, would you..like to maybe, visit my family then? Late Christmas? My mom cooks up amazing turkey.’ ‘Haha..If we still date by then, sure.’ ‘I’m glad.’ I heard him release a held-in breath. ‘Henry?’ ‘Yes?’ ‘Are we…exclusive?’ I heard him snicker. ‘You are my one and only. Don’t let jealous women get to your head.’ ‘I know. I don’t even think you’d have time for anyone else. I just. Wanted to check.’ He didn’t hesitate: ‘Do you have time this Sunday?’ ‘Yea. Just not in the evening. Dinner with friends.’ ‘Care to go on a date with me?’ He said in smooth voice. I smiled through the phone. ‘I’d like that.’

And so it was Sunday morning. I had just got groceries for the dinner party when Henry showed up. I had left the door on a crack so he could let himself in. Which he did. ‘Honey! I’m home!’ He said happily. I grinned. ‘Kitchen’ I said. And there he was. With a box of fresh herbs in mediterranean pots. ‘For you.’ He said, kissing me sweetly. I snorted. ‘That is just the cutest. Thank you.’ I smiled giddily while putting the pots on my window sill, next to my other kitchen herbs. I turned around to kiss him, passionately. He wrapped me in his arms, then broke our kiss to add. ‘I hope you are in use of some relaxation, I ordered us a private spa session.’ ‘Oeh!’ I said, slightly impressed. ‘Never had that before.’ He grinned, then looked at me slyly. ‘I overheard you are however quite a good massagist yourself.’ ‘Gossip travels fast.’ He raised an eyebrow, shrugging. ‘I guess, confirmative. Yes, I gave one of the builders a massage the other day because he was groaning like a stifled old men. He was completely elated after, earning me quite a few requests from other colleagues.’ ‘Well, now someone will massage you.’ He kissed me, fetching my hand to tug me along.

We talked like we hadn’t seen each other in months, driving up to the spa. And laughed and laughed. I forgot about my week altogether. And the spa session was great. Relaxed. At some point painful. Then very good again. I felt stress flow out of my body like water retracting from shore. The more sad it was when it was over and we had to go. Driving back we were more quiet. Relaxed. But quiet. ‘Hmmm..that was absolutely divine.’ I hummed. ‘Thanks.’ ‘You are more than welcome.’ ‘So are you the cook tonight?’ ‘Yep. My friends can’t cook.’ ‘Lucky basterds.’ He said. I grinned. ‘And you, any plans for tonight?’ ‘Don’t know actually. Watch some baseball with Kal?’ He looked awkwardly, shrugging, keeping his gaze at the road. I looked at the route planner. We were near his house. ‘You know. We could pick up Kal and you could join me and my friends for dinner?’ He had to stop for a red light. Looked over at me. ‘You sure? …Not too soon?’ He asked playfully, though with an undertone of seriousness. ‘I’m sure. Besides you’ll gush over their nerdiness. We play D&D sessions and stuff.’ ‘My girlfriend is such a nerd!’ ‘I’m not your…girlfriend.’ I stated. He checked the map, then turned right, to get to his house. ‘Do you want to be?’ He said, looking up at me after having turned the corner. I felt my throat turn dry. ‘I..eh.’ He slowed down the car. It was a quiet street so other traffic was not irritated. He kept looking straight at me, while pressing the breaks. His gaze got soft. I took a breath. ‘I would like that.’ I finally said, smiling awkwardly. His face broke into a smile. He leaned over, catching a kiss. ‘Misses Cavill!’ He hummed. I poked him fiercely. ‘And definitely not that.’ He snorted cheekily, laughing a million dollar smile at me. He started the car again and drove up to his house.

Coming inside to pick up Kal, we made out like there was no tomorrow. I laughed and laughed, while he blistered me with kisses. Kal was jumping around us in excitement. Eventually Henry cupped my face and eased, just looking at me. ‘I love you.’ He breathed. I touched his hand with mine, looking at him dearly. ‘I will love you.’ He nodded, then pulled me in for a tight hug. ‘Okey, let’s fetch things. We need to get moving.’ He said, clapping his hands, play fighting with Kal while striding towards his bedroom. I snickered.

For dinner I made a Mexican taco feast with numerous toppings. And a lot of it too, these men all ate soo much. Not long after my friends arrived, with a game board, some bottles of wine and lots of smiles. I had moved the kitchen table to the living room where I had folded it open to its full extent, making it possible for 8 people to sit shoulder to shoulder. My friends were at first EXTREMELY awkward around Henry, making continuous Witcher and Superman jokes. But after a glass of wine, and seeing how relaxed and normal Henry was, the mood changed. Henry looked at me often. In love. I knew that look. And my friends saw it too. Giving me the oh-damn-girl-look. And we ate and ate. Laughing as we went along. I had just cleared out the table with one of my friends when I caught a conversation between one of my friends who’d had a serious crush on me for years, and Henry. ‘You know, I’d always figured she’d come around with some trump card. She’s way too pretty to be a nerd.’ ‘How so?’ Henry asked in honesty. ‘Look at us. We’re glad if ANY woman even looks at us, let alone like us. And there she was, not giving a shit. We even met her dutch friends. Equally nerdy. She isn’t even a fake.’ *some noise of mixed voices* And you play D&D?’ Henry’s voice asked. They all got excited and the conversation became more erratic - probably everyone was speaking of their characters.

’So…how in the hell did that happen?’ My friend Ben had followed me into the kitchen, now leaning against the kitchen top. ‘His dog Kal had escaped one morning and I happened to catch Kal before he could. And that’s how we met. I didn’t really think much of it, until he popped up next to me at the coffee bar at work. Again. And again. And again. I invited him for a hike. We hiked. I invited him for dinner. We dined. And… Now we’re here.’ ‘Girl. What the fuck.’ ‘I know right.’ I grinned. ‘Life’s weird.’ ‘Well, he IS as hot as we thought he was. Bloody hell.’ I smiled, pushing Ben back to the living room. The rest was still boasting about their D&D group. ‘Boys! Tea, coffee, liquor?’ Henry was snickering, seeing my friends’ faces light up with joy. ‘Oh we’ll do that fair lady! Do sit down.’ ‘Thank you.’ I nodded, taking a seat opposite of Henry. He gave me a knowing look accompanied with silent nod, then turned a big smile while Ben started asking questions about Kal, who had found a liking to Ben, sliming all over his lap.

My friends left around 11, after some more wine, a board game and lots of catching up. We scheduled a last D&D session before I would leave for Europe. ‘Better get out of that darn dungeon this session. We’ve been there for weeks man.’ I shrugged. ‘Let’s hope so.’ We all burst into laughter, hugging and saying goodbye. ‘You keep surprising me.’ Henry whispered in my ear, while I waved my friends goodbye atop the stairs. He waved as well, then quickly pulled me inside, closing the door. ‘Girlfriend.’ he said darkly, then kissed me passionately. ‘There’s so much you don’t know.. boyfriend.’ I said playfully, pinching his nose, then escaping his grasp to run to the bedroom. He chased me down, pinning me down on my bed, his breath hot in my neck.

His eager hands almost tore the zipper out of my dress while he unzipped it, wringing me out of the clingy fabric. I giggled at this, slightly tipsy from the wine. He grunted as he pulled the dress off completely. I wasn’t wearing any fancy lingerie, just some sports bra and simple knickers, and yet he looked at me like he saw the most gorgeous woman laying beneath him. I blushed as he climbed on top of me, letting his large hands roam over my almost naked body. ‘Hmmm.’ He hummed as he leaned forward, catching my lips with his. ‘Ready for a happy ending?’ He smiled against my lips. ‘Only if it’s a happy beginning.’ I sniffled. He laughed huskily, kissing me more passionately. ‘Can do.’ He said, while reaching his arm to my night stand. He grabbed a dusty box of condoms out of the drawer. ‘..Well there’s one of your secrets.’ He snickered, sitting up a bit to read the expiration date in the dim light. ‘This is over a year past its expiration.’ He stated, giving me an *oh you* look. I gasped in horror, shielding my face with my hands, letting out a giggle. A giggle that soon turned into pure laughter when Henry folded away my hands carefully, wiggling a condom in front of me. ‘Good thing I brought a backup.’ He smiled. And it was a good thing indeed. 

--

Part 3 >

[horsenews12]

Invoice To Prevent Mistreatment Of Tennessee Strolling Horses Passes

A good house to me means homeowners who correctly care for the horse whereas it’s theirs; then if or when they need to promote it, they take the time to search out it one other good residence. 

My Three Kids died Sunday, according to the racing board. She had one win in 14 career starts and earnings of $14,908. She finished second in her final race on Feb. 6 at Golden Gate. NIANTIC -- It is a horrible story of animal abuse, however now, there is hope for a gaggle of uncared for horses.

A North Dakota man accused of feeding moldy hay and denying water to numerous horses that wound up dead or sick has been charged with felony animal cruelty.

 Mercer County deputies found 15 lifeless horses and 11 lifeless foals and fetuses over the weekend on the property of Shanan Weigum, of Zap, They additionally discovered a donkey and 39 horses in poor condition, as well as four dead lambs. 

The Bismarck Tribune stories that two of the sick horses needed to be euthanized and two were transported for therapy of infections. Zap is positioned about 60 miles (ninety six.5 kilometers) northwest of Bismarck. 

CARLTON, Ore. — The proprietor of a horse farm southwest of Portland is dealing with a felony charge for animal neglect, after investigators discovered almost 50 horses there weren't being given sufficient food or water. 

CARLTON — The owner of a horse farm southwest of Portland is facing a felony cost for animal neglect, after investigators discovered nearly 50 horses there were not being given sufficient food or water.

This can also be true if you have calves in your possession too. Their stables must be cleaned twice day by day and should be strengthened enough to have the ability to cease the elements from posing a risk to your horses. Remember that a proper environment applies to both the indoors and outside.

In 2020, Stetson began 149 horses at Fon and completed fifth within the standings with 22 wins and a 15 p.c win rate. He then went west to claim leading coach honors at Arapahoe Park last summer with 22 wins from a hundred and fifty starts – he's consistent. 

Stetson trains to race; watch for his runners at the entry field and winners circle. Vaughan feels that almost all of her rescue horses originally got here from houses with a properly-meaning person who lacked the experience wanted to take on a horse, particularly one that turned out to have behavioral issues.

 Instead of taking the time, assets and energy needed to work by way of those problems, people gave up and returned the horse. I APPLAUD PROFESSIONAL trainers who often absorb abandoned, neglected and/or rescued horses to properly train and put together for a hopefully long-term and good house.

The group has repeatedly demonstrated the facility of partnering with horses—in non-driving interactions—to successfully obtain private progress and therapeutic.

 Horses stay in herds, which implies they can get anxious if they’re the one ones round. Older horses are particularly prone to this, and so they usually require a bit extra care than the youthful ones.

When she went to feed her horses the subsequent morning, she knew one thing was incorrect. They say SCRAPS simply showed up and took their animals. SCRAPS says they were investigating expenses of Animal Cruelty, Transporting or Confining Animals in an Unsafe Manner and operating an illegal commercial kennel. 

Hollingsworth’s lawyer Steve Greenberg objected to that request, saying he’d seen no evidence that his consumer presents any hazard to his animals. While he acknowledged Hollingsworth could have had a lapse in judgment in using NuNu onto the busy expressway, Greenberg said his client did not intend to seriously injure the horse. 

Weeks after he pleaded not responsible to a felony animal abuse charge, the person often known as the “Dreadhead Cowboy” has been ordered to have no contact with any of the horses he owns while his criminal case performs out.

The horse gained that race and another contest in February of final year in Florida after receiving adulterated and misbranded PEDs earlier than each races, according to the indictment. 

Cable news show Spectrum News 1 aired a characteristic on Cal Poly Pomona’s Horses for Heroes program on multiple newscasts on Feb. 12. Through this system, 10 scholar veterans had been matched with horses at the W.K. 

Kellogg Arabian Horse Center for the mutual advantage of the horses and the veterans. One recent morning, he drove down a dusty non-public drive lined with orange groves.

A few weeks earlier, a resident had called him on his cell phone to report a suspicious van there. The people inside appeared to be taking footage of horses. 

So far, that is the only case that the Animal Hospital has seen this year. If you could have any questions about this case or the plant itself, contact your native veterinarian. It is also crucial to contact your veterinarian should you suspect that your animal has consumed the plant. 

It is not only toxic to horses, but in addition to cows, sheep and goats. Project Horse is one of the solely equine therapy centers within the United States targeted exclusively on mental well being and wellness.

Posted on-line this month, the coverage replaces one that limited consumers to purchasing 4 wild horses every six months until granted particular permission. Senate and House leaders will now meet to type out the differences between the bills in what is known as a Conference Committee. 

We want the Senate to hold the line on each wild horses protections and horse slaughter. Senate handed a win to wild and home horses on Wednesday by approving a Fiscal Year 2019 “mini-bus” appropriations package deal that included protecting language for wild horses and burros as well as an anti-slaughter provision.

 Orlando and Willerslev's paper hints at the other kinds of discovery that these applied sciences can allow. X Y Jet received the celebrated Dubai Golden Shaheen at Meydan Racecourse in Dubai in March 2019, which paid $1.5 million to the winner, highlighting a career of 12 victories and more than $3 million in earnings  about horses .

Furthermore, you’ll wish to make sure to supply your horse with adequate blanketing and shelter. No matter in case your shelter is a run-in shed or a stable, having a spot for the horse to go is essential for proper care, as horses will need to get out of the wind and rain.

 Make certain you are always on the lookout for indicators of sicknesses similar to runny eyes and noses, coughing, or wheezing to maintain on high of your horse’s well-being. Visual checkups must be carried out every day, so you don’t miss something that’s preventable by mistake.

 The Southwest, the final of three stakes set for today, was originally scheduled for Feb. 15, along with the Grade III, $600,000 Razorback Handicap for horses 4 years old and up. Both had been twice postponed because of ice and record snowfall. Each joins the $200,000 Spring Fever Stakes for fillies and mares 4 years old and up as right now's feature races.

[victakestaipei]

WEEK 2 RECAP: “Gua Bao?” More like “Gua BOMB.”

So I have come to realize that during the weeks, my blog posts about my classes are going to be pretty repetitive. So to save you the few minutes of your life you’ll spend reading, I’ll just shorten it a bit...and skip to the food. We always do the same things in class. We take quizzes, read the text book, practice writing characters, and talk alot about a wide array of topics... (we actually get off topic alot... In one of the classes this week I ended up playing the song “Mr. Roboto” on my iphone because I made a reference about it... we have a new classmate and he’s from Japan and everyone wanted to hear the “Domo Arigato” part... ugh.. it’s a long story.)

Anyway, let’s start from Tuesday I suppose:

So in class we had another one of those written dialogue quizzes, I got an A ((of course HEH)) and on the test from last week, I got a 94%! Feelin’ good. In the gym it was leg day, and I’m starting to incorporate more cardio daily, so I’ve been running on the treadmill at the end of my workouts. I want to drop weight and tone up while I’m out here so I figured this will help give me the extra kick that I need. I ran a mile in 7 minutes and 30 seconds... Or so I thought. I was super happy about the amount of time it took and how it didn’t even feel hard and how my knee actually wasn’t hurting for once in my life. BUT, I soon realized that I am a headass. I didn’t realize until later in the week that everything here is in kilometers, not miles. Meaning, that I didn’t actually run a mile in 7 minutes and 30 seconds, I ran 1 kilometer. Which is less than a mile... it’s actually 0.62 miles to be exact. What A BUZZ KILL!!!! I was on this “high” the whole rest of the day because I thought I was really wrecking shit, but really I’m just an idiot. A slow running idiot. lol. 

For dinner Bunny and I went to this popular joint that she had heard about from a friend. I actually have heard of this place too, but didn’t realize it until after we had arrived and ordered our food. We went to this small hole-in-the-wall restaurant in the Gongguan night market where they serve the “Traditional Taiwanese Snack.” It’s called “Gua Bao.” It’s basically a pulled pork hamburger with veggies, pickles, grated peanuts in a peanut sauce, and cilantro... all in a steamed bun... you hold it and eat it like a hamburger, and it’s delicious!! It was only 55 NT (about $1.80 US). You could choose between lean meat, fatty meat, or a mix of the two. I went with the lean meat, and I’m glad that I did. The restaurant also offered an array of soups, but a lot of them featured pork intestines, and that's not really my type of party. 

Wednesday:

I did back day at the gym today and ran another “mile”... SMH. That still gets me man. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

For lunch, Jeannie, Bunny and I went to this potsticker place right across the street from campus. We’ve been there before and it was really good the first time, with each potsticker being 5 NT! (or about 17 cents). We each ordered 10 potstickers and a bowl of warm noodles, totalling to only 90 NT ($3 US). I chose 5 curry potstickers and 5 garden vegetable. The Curry flavored potstickers were by far the best potstickers I’ve had since I’ve been here (and that’s saying something). And for dinner, Bunny and I went BACK to the Gua Bao place (it was that good) but this time brought Nick along! We had a good time.

Thursday:

I had another dictation quiz and got another low A. Today was leg day yet again. Starting to see a pattern here? I’m proud to say that I’ve kept the routine/schedule that I talked about in my recap blog post from last week..

For our post-gym lunch, Bunny, Jeannie and I went to this Soy Sauce-Braised place. I can’t remember the name. *eyeroll*. But basically it’s a food stand on the street market by our university, and they lay out all the meats, and veggies and noodles on display, and you choose which ones you want, and they mix them all together and cook them in this super hot soy sauce soup... It’s pretty good. I was super excited about this food stand because they actually had VEGETABLES!!! You know how often I see vegetables here in Taiwan??? Never. I don’t think I’ve had a vegetarian semi-healthy meal since I’ve been here. And I’ve looked!!!!! Anyway, for my dish, I chose tofu, broccoli, cabbage, mushrooms, and udon noodles. I paid about $7.50 US which is a bit steeper than my usual meal, but I think that’s because I doubled up on the tofu. (hehe). Either way though that’s still what I spend on average at Cane’s back in the US, and it’s wayyyyy more food. I do have to say that I went a bit over the top. My food was a MOUNTAIN!!!! We also bought this watermelon slush drink to share that came in an actual watermelon! Presentation get’s an A+, and it was pretty refreshing. 

After we ate we went to this store called “Jin Xin Fa” and bought tons of stationary (everything here is so cute and I desperately wanted to buy some cute planners for the upcoming school year). I also bought an extra long ethernet cord so that I could use my laptop in bed and have better internet, as well as a new phone charger... 

For dinner I ended up cooking (reheating) left over lunch... but I made rice and added scrambled egg to it... As it turns out, my $7.50 lunch fed me and Bunny for dinner. As I mentioned in my blog post about my dorm a few weeks ago, we have a small kitchen area at the end of the hall. Bunny and I wanted to use the rice cooker, and we struggled at first. We had to put water between the bowl where the rice goes and the outer bowl?? Strange. Either way thought the rice came out perfectly. Bomb.com.

Friday: 

For lunch, the three of us tried this Malaysian Curry place on the street market. It was on the second floor, and the interior looked like someone's home at first... My dish was 100 NT ( around 3-4$), and I ordered the Malaysian chicken curry and rice. It’s basically a filleted chicken cutlet fried in batter and served with a mound of rice, both covered in curry. And topped with potato wedges... THIS PLACE WAS SUPER GOOD I WILL BE BACK EVERY WEEK OH MY GOD. There is only one lady who works here, and she cooks all the dishes. I also think she lives here...? Not so sure. We spoke to her a bit after finishing our food, and she told us how 22 years ago she came to Taiwan, and she asked us where we're from and told us she's been to both Florida and New York before. She also showed us pictures of her 8 month old grandson who lives in Florida. Her daughter was born in Malaysia and currently lives in America as she's married to an American guy. She was the sweetest lady ever, gushing about her grandson and showing us all these videos. Such a lovely lady.

After lunch we did some shopping in the street market (clothing), I bought a shirt... and not much else because everything looked so small. When shopping one lady didn't let Jeannie use the dressing room to try on this outfit.... it seemed odd, and the lady didn’t seem to have a reason to not let her use the dressing room which was clearly there with the open curtain and no one inside. I think the lady who worked there was just a bitch. She was rude, and possibly racist?? I can’t tell you how many times I would walk into a shop (during the hour or so that we were walking around) and the ladies who work there would hover over me constantly. *eyeroll*. Figures.

We went home and I took a shower and relaxed before heading to Shilin Night market. I’ve been here before and posted a video, but in case you all forgot, it’s the biggest night market in Taipei and is pretty poppin on the weekends. Jeannie and I love to shop, so we had a ball!! Four of us went, it was Ada, Jeannie, Bunny and I. We spent a few hours shopping and walking around and eating the street food. I ate this pork bun sandwich, some French fries with a bunch of sauces on them (like mustard sauce, salt, pepper, etc), and tried the popular chicken fried steak. 

squid on a stick^

We stayed at Shilin a few hours before parting ways... Jeannie and I went to meet up with some others at a bar and Bunny and Ada went home. This is around maybe 11:15pm... Jeannie and I met up with Nick at this open patio bar/hookah lounge. It was $20 (US) all you can drink. The bar was called K House and was located smack dab in the middle of the gay district off of Ximen station. Ximen station is also a very popular shopping area for the younger crowd, with a 5 story H&M and other popular stores. It took a while for Jeannie and I to find the bar, we put it in google maps and it took us to a completely different location. By the time we found it a lot of the people we were meeting up with were loose off the goose. Which makes sense since it was all you can drink and they'd been there a few hours already. We left the bar around 1, and headed to 7/11 and walked around town a bit after that. I was pretty lit. I slammed about 5 drinks in 30 minutes and was just chillen after that. I had two jack/cokes, 1 vodka/sprite, and 3 peach flavored drinks but I don't know what alcohol was in those..?? They were super good though!! My favorite, definitely. We were walking to another bar when I got super tired and decided to take an Uber home with Jeannie and another guy we met that night, his name is Collin. Collin goes to school at Carnegie Melon *ooooooooo snap*. I got into my dorm around 2:30-3am, and went to bed around 3:30. When Jeannie and I were walking with the group, Collin was telling us about how he had plans to go snorkeling the next day and he invited us to join the group on Facebook. I knocked out after showering when I got home, since I had to be up by 7:15 to make it to the meeting spot at 8am to go snorkel. I was exhAUSTED. Snorkeling should be worth the lack of sleep though.

[hermdoggydog]

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World...

Most of you are familiar with Helen of Troy. Some of you may also be familiar with the Helen, a unit of feminine beauty derived from said Helen.

In that article by David Goines, written in 1987, the author proposes to measure the beauty of a woman by two fairly objective standards: Ships Launched and Arson/Destruction of Human Settlements. One Helen (1 h) is fixed at 1000 Greek warships (Goines helpfully ballparked this at 20 tons per ship for a total displacement of 20,000 tons) and the Burning of Troy (about 50 acres, or 0.078 square miles, or 0.2 square kilometers).

(Incidentally, the Iliad has a Catalogue of ships that actually sailed to fight the Trojan War [and thus retrieve Helen]. The Greeks put together 1,186 ships, so the actual Helen of Troy ranks at slightly higher than 1 Helen (h), or 1.186 Helens to be precise).

For the first, Goines puts Eleanor Roosevelt and Mamie Eisenhower as the top women, for christening (and thus launching) large modern naval vessels. The former commissioned the USS Yorktown, with a full-load displacement of 25,500 tons. The latter commissioned the NS Savannah, at 21,800 full-load displacement. If we use the actual Greek fleet, then only Eleanor beats Helen (and in any case, the Yorktown was an actual warship, while the Savannah was not). However, since neither woman even smoked (let alone committed any sort of large-scale arson), they fell short of the original Helen.

For the second, Goines settled on Catherine O’Leary, whose cow (according to legend) caused the Great Chicago Fire, as the top contender. Said fire ravaged 3.33 square miles, 44 times more than the destruction of Troy. Again, Mrs. O’Leary likely did not launch any substantial water vessels, so she falls short of the original Helen.

Goines concludes that, with both standards taken together, Helen of Troy remains the most beautiful woman.

But is he mistaken? Goines chose to maximize only one measure at a time, rather than find the optimum combination between the two. And he wrote his piece 30 years ago.

Below the cut, I’ve detailed my search for some real-life women who can actually beat Helen of Troy, or more precisely, attain more than one Helen (1 h) in beauty.

I started by looking into female pirates. Naturally, a female pirate would be a solid contender for Helen-based beauty, with ample opportunity and means to launch ships and set places on fire.

Anne Bonny

Incidentally, one of the most well-known female pirates (and her partner Mary Read) never actually commanded her own vessel. Nevertheless, she probably did launch some boats in her time, and though we don’t know for sure, I wouldn’t put it past her to set a tavern on fire every so often. A fraction of a millihelen at best.

Jeanne de Clisson, aka The Lioness of Brittany

(Pic from Rejected Princesses)

More of an English privateer hellbent on revenge than a profit-seeking pirate, the Lioness of Brittany commanded three English warships at the height of her rampage, burning settlements on the French coast year after year. Given her tactics, they were likely galleys, and I estimate their tonnage at 150-200 tons each. While 600 tons would put de Clisson at only 0.03 Helens (3 centihelens), remember that the French ships launched to stop her should also be counted (since Helen of Troy did not command or even want to launch the Greek fleet). Unfortunately, we don’t have much info on how many such ships France launched, or how many towns she burned to the ground (supposedly several). Still, with a fleet of 3 centihelens and several towns torched, definitely better than Anne Bonny.

Madame Ching Shih

Enough with the West. Here we have the most successful female pirate of all time, and quite possibly the best rags-to-riches prostitute story too. Despite starting out in the oldest profession, Ching Shih eventually gained command of the Red Flag Fleet, comprised of 300 junks and 20,000 to 40,000 pirates of all ages and genders. Those junks probably weren’t the size of Zheng He’s gigantic treasure ships, so I’d estimate them at 600 tons each. Madame Ching’s fleet, then, clocks in at 180,000 tons, or 9 Helens. And that doesn’t even count the ships the Chinese, the British, and the Portuguese launched to defeat her (and failed). 

(Pictured: a lesser version of Ching from Pirates of the Caribbean who did not single-handedly wipe out the East India Company fleet)

As for Arson, I could imagine Ching burning a town or two to set an example, but she also collected taxes from the towns under her control, indicating a shrewd long-term strategy (which worked, considering she retired on a full pardon, kept her spoils, and lived to 69). So, not enough damage to match her fleet’s 9 h (which would require burning down nine cities), but possibly enough to beat Helen’s Troy. 

And there I thought my search was over. Honestly, it would be tough to beat Ching Shih’s fleet, especially since after her, most nation-states cracked down hard on pirates and seafaring women committing arson.

But then I came to the 21st century.

First off, the largest warships nowadays are the Nimitz-class nuclear-powered aircraft supercarriers of the US Navy. Each weighs in at over 100,000 tons displacement, and the USA has launched ten of them. So there are ten women who already clock in at 5 Helens just by christening one of these behemoths (though again, Goines’ original point stands. Women who get to christen aircraft carriers also tend to be women who haven’t committed arson). Only a little more than half of Ching Shih’s 9-Helen fleet, since I’m fairly certain they limit women to one warship christening per lifetime.

But I haven’t exactly been limiting myself to christening now, have I?

Meet Nora W. Tyson, Vice Admiral of the US Navy, and currently commander of the US Third Fleet.

Remember how I said that the Nimitz-class carriers are the biggest warships around today? Well, since the very dawn of the aircraft carrier, competent naval commanders recognize that even the best of the best can’t sail solo, so they usually attach several smaller “sidekick” warships to the big boys.

The formation you see above is the Carrier Strike Group. The “small” warships still clock in at about 9,000 tons, usually cruisers or destroyers. So the whole squad weighs in at about 140,000 tons, or 7 Helens (and that’s before adding in the submarines and supply vessels that sometimes tag along). As for Arson, well, the carrier alone holds 65-70 planes, and the cruisers and destroyers pack dozens of guided missiles. So they could probably burn down Troy, Athens, Sparta, Rome, Carthage, and every other city in the ancient Mediterranean fifty times over, in the time it takes to watch the 2004 film Troy. Any woman who launches one of these into a war will easily outstrip Helen of Troy on both counts.

Vice Admiral Nora Tyson commands four of these groups in the Third Fleet.

(Sidenote: The Expeditionary Strike Group is more geared for invading and occupying places rather than burning them down to ash and then burning the ash. That said, occupation requires boots on the ground, and that requires transport ships to get them across the seas to the ground, and that means even more tonnage under Tyson’s command).

But Tyson didn’t command the Third Fleet until 2015, and while we are getting a little antsy with China and North Korea (the former having just launched their very own domestically-built aircraft carrier), the Pacific Ocean hasn’t turned hot (in a combat sense) yet. So she hasn’t had a chance to launch those strike groups yet, and thus cannot count all that tonnage toward her beauty.

Nevertheless, prior to being responsible for containing kaijus, Tyson commanded one carrier strike group, deploying it into actual combat in 2011 in Afghanistan. Her group flew over 2,200 combat sorties (known to lay-people and land-based infantry as “airstrikes”) and dropped over 20 tons of explosives. Before that, she launched by-way-of-command a 40,000 ton amphibious assault ship into the Iraq War (twice).

So, Vice Admiral Nora Tyson, in her decades of service in the US Navy, has cumulatively launched more than Ching Shih’s 9 Helens of tonnage, and likely destroyed enough acreage to match. I’d say that qualifies for 1 Dekahelen (10 Helens) of beauty. Eat your heart out, Helen of Troy (or run off with Nora Tyson instead of Paris. I can’t find her marital status or sexual orientation, so who knows?).

Final note: Vice admiral is a three-star rank. As badass as Nora Tyson is, she is not the highest-ranking woman in the US Navy. That honor belongs to Admiral Michelle Howard, the first woman to attain a four-star naval rank (about a year after Tyson was promoted to her three-star rank).

And yeah, she’s black too (though not the first black admiral, for a reason).

In terms of tonnage launched (though not necessarily tonnage commanded) and acres burned, Nora Tyson might still have her beat, since Tyson was the first woman to command a carrier strike group in actual combat.

Still, Howard is no slouch in ocean-going badassery. She commanded an anti-pirate task force, and famously rescued Captain Richard Phillips during that time. A bit ironic, since prior to the 21st century, a pirate was arguably the most successful female naval commander in history.

Final sidenote: these two badass nautical women might have actually teamed up at some point. The cruiser USS Anzio was part of Tyson’s carrier strike group and the flagship of Howard’s pirate-crushing combined task force around the same time. I’d like to imagine the two of them posed back-to-back on the bridge while wearing aviator shades.

(Pictured: a ship that had the blessed honor of serving under not one but two awesome and objectively beautiful women on the high seas).

[backstorywithdanalewis]

Beirut Tears - The blast the what now? Link to podcast:  https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/5059493 Please share this podcast Back Story with Dana Lewis

Speaker 1: (00:00) What is the cause of that explosion? Was it accidental?  Speaker 2: (00:03) I don't believe into the conspiracy theory. I believe acception coincidences. Speaker 1: (00:18) Hi everyone. I'm Dana Lewis and welcome to this special edition of backstory. They root in crisis. Speaker 2: (00:31) The death toll has risen overnight and that massive explosion in Beirut the death toll has climbed. Speaker 1: (00:37) I told them it's going to increase in the coming. Alison Speaker 2: (00:39) Lebanese security officials say that that Speaker 1: (00:42) Was triggered by explicit material that was stored in a warehouse in the much of Beirut is shattered this morning by one of the most powerful peacetime explosions ever Speaker 2: (00:58) Nuclear bomb. I couldn't even take my bed Speaker 1: (01:02) As a reporter. I've been to Lebanon. There is always, it seems some national meltdown or political gridlock. This is something else. A massive explosion in Bay root shattered. The city, a blast so intense. It was felt 150 miles away in Cyprus. 135 bed, 5,000 injured, 300,000 displaced from their homes. First, it was a fire in the port at around 5:54 PM. Then 14 minutes later, initial report say 2,750 tons of ammonium nitrate that had been stupidly stored there. Detonated the big blessed makes the Beirut event. One of the most powerful industrial explosions on record in this backstory, we take you to Beirut and talk to the former foreign minister. But first here is a friend who was also a part time producer and full time businessmen who was trying to survive and he's taking time to help others by joining me now from Beirut is Danny khoury who was Speaker 2: (02:13) As a businessman and somebody I've known for a long time and he's helped journalists in Lebanon. And he's a good friend. And Danny, how are you doing? Hi, Dana, how are you? I'm good. I'm good. So far we survived this one. How close did it come to you? As you know, um, I also I'm in the bar business, so I was actually at one bar that is about two kilometers away from the blast, but we own another bar that was just like 300 meters away from the blast. And that was, that was deadly. Uh, luckily with none of our stuff, uh, diet, the only injuries, but a lot of we lost a of friends in that area. It was an it's an area full of bars and restaurants, and it's very vibrant, full of tourists as well. dany khoury: (03:09) The only, the only good thing that I could say about it was the COVID-19 had a bit of restrictions about bars. They were not supposed to open only restaurants and restaurant bars. So luckily the bar visitors were not there. Usually they come early for happy hours and otherwise it would have been a massacre. It was still a massacre, but it wasn't like 170 people died. This is so sad, but otherwise it would have been much more than that. This is on Germain street [inaudible] as you know, that the port area outdoors, the seaside. So it was amazing. And Miami high end, it was like one long street, actually they're connected to each other. So, uh, um, I was eating, I was eating today surveys. There were about 280 restaurants and bars in that area. That's completely, uh, destroyed. Like, I mean, dana lewis : (04:18) Hundreds of, I mean, I love that city. It's beautiful. And you and I have been gemmayzeh street together and we've eaten there together and, and, uh, I love Beirut. It's a fantastic city and, but there are hundreds of buildings that are gutted by this and some of them are gonna fold down. I mean, the damage is, it's almost too difficult to describe to people. dany khoury: (04:41) Well, uh, Dana , uh, there are about maybe like 20,000 buildings that were, that were like partially destroyed. Maybe, maybe a few, few thousands that completely demolished like grounded level. A lot of like the, the new, uh, the new high rise that were built there. They're all like modern buildings was like full of glass fronts and they're like lofts kinda kind of, uh, can apartments. Uh, those were the buildings where a lot of people actually died over there because of the size of the blast was like humongous. Like I still, every time I go there and see, I look at the Robyn, I am shocked again and again, and every day I go there and like, I'm still shocked. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot still imagine it in my head. dana lewis : (05:37) You're running. You've been running a soup kitchen for people you've been doing free food. Have you? dany khoury: (05:43) Well, um, it's exactly. Um, I started a new conceptual store. That's a bit far off the pace where I was actually, so we only lost the glass door over there. So after making a phone call to the bar that I own, and then making sure that the staff were okay, call a few friends, phone calls were like really hard to connect because they were like heavy galling. Like everybody was calling everybody. So like, there was like, it was cutting off most of the time. So the only thing I could think about was to actually, um, do something and try to help. The only thing that crossed my mind is like, since I have like a food store, why not cooking. So I called all the staff after they were like, I sent them home. I called them back to come back. And then we started cooking. dany khoury: (06:39) We started to like, in my, in my opinion, I didn't know the size of the blast or the number of casualties or the misplaced and everybody. So I thought like of making, I don't know, 15, 16 years, whatever, whatever I could, I am able to do. So we ended up doing 110 the first day, second day, 380. Now we're like, we reach a hundred, we reached 1060 meals. Uh, basically most of the food is going to the Lebanese food bank and the volunteers on the ground. And this place, people that some people like they still, their houses are still there, but they have no doors, no windows. So they cannot leave their house to actually buy groceries order or cook because the probably like, I don't know, they lost the kitchen or something. So what we are doing now, not just me, a lot of people doing that. Also, dana lewis : (07:34) If anybody wanted to listening to this, wanted to support you, is there a way they can do that? dany khoury: (07:40) Well, I'm, I'm, I'm not an NGO. I'm an individual, a place me and my brother, we own this shop. So we're doing it on an individual basis. Like we're not accepting money because like, I don't want to be taking money and putting it in my account and then mess up with this. dana lewis : (07:57) People can get to red cross or whatever. dany khoury: (08:00) Exactly. So what I'm trying to do is to actually, we asked for the goods, we asked for food for dry food, for rice meat, the chicken, vegetables, whatever you can give us oil, butter, cheese, whatever people give us. We cook them when we cook different meals. Sometimes they like seven, eight minutes a day just to actually do, just to reach the maximum number of meals per day. dana lewis : (08:27) Who do you think is responsible for this? I mean, they said it was a bunch of fertilizer that was stored. What, you know, I'm not going to put you on that. Say what do people say in Bay root? I mean, w dany khoury: (08:39) They believe they know you are familiar with them. It means you've been coming here. And for the past, I dunno, like what 14, 15 years now, you know how politics here in Lebanon, how corruption is. So, um, for, for me, I blamed the government. First of all, I blame everyone in the government because everyone knew that there was a nuclear bomb laying there at the Harbor. And no one had actually blinked an eye, you know? So, uh, there was no warning after the first blast. They could have warn everyone because the first blast it took them, like, I don't know, like half an hour, maybe even more. And then the second one, uh, exploded and destroyed the city. They could at least have sent a warning to people to do, to leave that area, knowing what they were hiding over there. dana lewis : (09:25) There was there indeed that much time between that initial fire. dany khoury: (09:29) And then the second, the actual fight started, yes. Started, started like, I don't know, I guess around 30 minutes or even more maybe. And then there was a small blast. And then there was the second blast. That was that actually the fire had started earlier because firemen went there, they were trying to put off the fire. And this is when the second explosion happened and then killed almost everyone and destroyed half of the city. Speaker 4: (09:57) I don't think somebody set this off. You think that dany khoury: (09:59) I am, I am sure it's a manmade. It's not just, you know, uh, because every military, uh, experts that actually watched the videos and discuss that over TV, and they were brought here for investigation, not official investigations, but like a lot of newspapers and journalists and TVs, they brought experts to just to understand what is the nature of this explosion. So everyone was saying that this is definitely a manmade, because like, there is no way on earth that this kind of ammonium nitrate can explode by itself and neither can explode by a fire next to it because you cannot, you cannot put it on. So there has to be some kind of like a trigger, you know, it has to be a trigger that so that you can explode that thing. A lot of things, a lot of people there's a lot of theories. Some say maybe it was Israel that, uh, threw a bomb over there. dany khoury: (10:56) Maybe some, uh, some say that it was, it could be a torpedo from underwater. Some, some could say like it's a sabotage. Somebody went there and placed the bomb. And so, but the, the, the, the weird thing about it is that, that thing, that, that ship had 2,750 tons of, uh, ammonium nitrate laying there at the port. So every military expert expert that have seen such a thing, or that studies such a case been saying that the size of explosion of Beirut is not more than 600, not more than 500 tons of night of ammonium nitrate. So there's another 200, 2,300 at least, uh, 2,200 tons that are missing. So in this case, I don't know, like you can fingers at any day elections. It could be the ISIS, it could be the Syrian opposition. It could be the Syrian regime. It could be Hezbollah. It could be, it could be anybody. Speaker 3: (12:05) We need a, you probably need an independent investigation in there, but, uh, I think the government has an effect Speaker 2: (12:12) We need that. We definitely need that because, uh, as you know, we have no more trust in that government that is handling the investigation today. dana lewis : (12:20) Everybody go from now. I mean, I assume people are just kind of stumbling forward day by day, trying to repair what they have left, just in terms of even just trying to get glass back into apartments and have places to live and stay. I mean, where do you go from here? dany khoury: (12:39) Uh, it's uh, it's not easy. Um, maybe you, like, you've seen footage, maybe you've seen the radians that explosion, maybe you like, you have an idea about the size of destruction, but no, you don't actually, you have to be here and see with your own eyes. The size of the structure. We apparently need, like, I don't know, 5,000 type of like large ships full of glass to cover all the windows and doors that were broken. It's like 15 kilometers away from radians of the blast that you see, the glasses were shattered all over. Speaker 3: (13:21) Imagine how, how much damage you can see in the photographs. And some of the video, you see some areas. Speaker 2: (13:29) I know I saw, I saw before I saw the actual place than before, before I went there and I was like, Oh, okay. We know like, we've lived that I lived the civil war. It was like, you know, just like any other bond, like big bump, not big a deal, but no, when I went, when I went there, like, it's massive. It's like, it's incredible. You cannot see the end of it. You cannot see the end of destruction at one point when everything is level to the ground. And then, but you can not see how far it is. It's too far, man. It's like, it's like a desert. The whole explosion made on the Inforce. Concrete at the port at the Harbor is, was hunt. What was actually 42 meters deep, incredible that's like enforced concrete that was broken and destroyed into pieces. And then down in the water and you know, that water can take a hit. So it was like 40 to 42 meters deep. That's crazy. This is like, we wouldn't you man. We have knew literally we were new Speaker 3: (14:41) Beirut was in Lebanon was already reeling from COVID-19 right. The economy Speaker 2: (14:48) Let's go with 19. And it was also the economic that we've been living on since, since last August, actually, it's been like a year now where, um, in October 17, everybody went down the street because of the exchange rate of the dollar. It was going too high. And there was like a lack of dollars, you know, like we need, if you need to buy things, we, we, we actually import everything. So we need to pay for that. The goods that we're importing and we were missing the daughters. So a lot of fraud that started going on on the 17th of October last year because of the economy situation, because of the lack of the daughters, because of the unstable politics. So the Lebanese people were really suffering. It's been over two years, but it was about seventies, October, where everybody went Speaker 3: (15:42) Route and Lebanon is not going to recover unless there's an international effort to come in Speaker 2: (15:48) And help finance reconstruction, you know? Um, I've, I've, I've been like, I only thought about that and we, we just don't need international aid for reconstruction. We just need an international aid to, to make at least the before for this government, before this system that we're living in the hands of politicians and parties in Lebanon, we have, we have hope we are hardworking people. We know how to manage things all over the world. I know that all Lebanese around the world would come back and build Lebanon again and again and again, but this time we will not build for politicians that will destroy after that. Any thank you for connecting. Speaker 3: (16:39) And, uh, my, you know, my heart goes out to everybody in Lebanon and Speaker 2: (16:43) Thank you, my friend. dana lewis : (16:48) Alright. [inaudible] is former foreign minister of Lebanon and speaks to us from Beirut gabran bassil  First of all, how are you? dana lewis : (16:55) Were you affected by this blast yourself? Everybody was affected. Thank you for receiving me. I know it's getting great attention everywhere, because this is disasters to the country. Everybody has somebody who was hurt or demolished. This is beyond imagination. What has happened dana lewis : (17:21) Beyond imagination? When, when I look at the video on the photographs, because I've been to Beirut dana lewis : (17:27) And I know Gemmayzeh  street, and I know that area, and I'm just shocked on top that it adds to the many that we are going through on top of COVID-19. We have deep financial could. I says, so gebran bassil : (17:50) The country is really going through a very bad period where our main focus now is how to save it because a country like Lebanon cannot go into chaos. This will be disastrous, not only to Lebanon, but will be disastrous to the region and to the West. Everybody should work together on forwarding this dana lewis : (18:10) Number of the government. You are still a member of parliament. The government was forced to resign from all reports. There's political fragmentation. There are corruption issues, sectarian politics, mismanagement in government. People are furious in the street. You know, I have to say, and I don't mean to make light of it in any way, but it seems like the situation is normal Speaker 5: (18:34) Because you often Speaker 3: (18:36) Rolling from one crisis to another. gebran bassil : (18:40) You know, this is, this is our history. The problem is people, especially those who are in power are used to face problems to go from a crisis to another. But this is not normal for the, for the normal people. Because at the end of the day, they get tired and they leave. They don't find jobs. They lack to be, to share or to experience their human values. Sometimes their freedom, their dignity, they feel it's touched and they can leave. So, uh, no it's not normal for a small country like ours to take the load of all the problems of the region to mention to you. One of them is, uh, having 200 refugees and displaced per square kilometer over the last 60 years for the Palestinians and nine, 10 years for the Syrians, dana lewis : (19:40) Syrian refugees. Are you housing now? Is it still a million? gebran bassil : (19:44) It was above a million. It was one and a half million. We don't know the real figures now because during the last crisis, many had to leave. Then they stopped because of, uh, of Corona. So we don't have, I don't have at least the last figures, but I guess it's above 1 million, but imagine 1 million over 10,000 square kilometers. So take it to a country like the U S having 100 per square kilometer and take the figures. You will see if you can get there for 200 million, let's say, uh, another nationality coming, all of a sudden to your country Speaker 3: (20:28) Are blamed right now for a lot of the problems in the country. The economic mismanagement of the country, Lebanon was already on its way. Speaker 5: (20:35) As you mentioned financially, before this happened, dana lewis : (20:40) All of it aggravated by COVID-19 would you honestly go back in a coalition with Iran and serious puppets? gebran bassil : (20:48) No, actually everybody is in coalition. Uh, Lebanon was cause, well, you know, they are part of the parliament and they are part of every government since years. And the national unity governments, when we say a national government means that it includes everybody. So, uh, this is a matter also our internal security, whether we go into accelerating our internal problems and we go into internal fights or, uh, or no, I would say that Hezbollah is responsible and everybody is responsible for this, uh, level of corruption. Nobody I believe is helping and, and fighting corruption really. And nobody is really helping and following the path of freeform. Yes, this is where we as free patriotic movement, we blame everybody including as well. Speaker 3: (21:49) But you were in the coalition with them. Speaker 5: (21:51) Yes, yes. Yes. Speaker 3: (21:53) Aren't you by, by cooperating with that party, with that group, with an organization that Americans still consider a terrorist organization, um, are you not encouraging this state within a state? Speaker 5: (22:09) You know, and you know, as well, uh, our elected, they have the biggest portion of waters and liver. So the problem, if anybody has a problem with as well, it's not with a small number of people, a group of people is a whole population. Speaker 3: (22:29) Are they changing? Because you talk about people, I don't mean to interrupt, but you talk about people being disillusioned right now with corruption and some of the problems, is there another faction emerging, not within the Hezbollah, but maybe a part from the Hezbollah where people say, okay, we don't want these, this, these parties that are aligned with Syria or Iran. We want Lebanese, only parties that are going to try to get our economy and our lives back together. The problem in Lebanon gebran bassil : (22:58) As a sectarian country, and we have what we call the consensual democracy. So everybody has to be on board and every confession has a Vitara and Hezbollah and Amal, which we call the sheep, do your shear, the sheep, do they represent the big majority of the, she has above 90%. So people still follow them and excluding them is excluding a whole community. And this does not work in our consensual democracy and our confessional systems. So again, as I told you, it's not isolating or putting apart a small group of people. It is a whole, uh, community that is part of your society, and that is embedded everywhere. So you cannot treat the matter of Hezbollah in Lebanon, like being a terrorist organization, because they are not considered as such because the other resistance against Israel and, and second told you, you cannot accuse all the shares of Lebanon, of being terrorists and Outlaws and put them outside the government and departments Speaker 3: (24:18) Stick by the United States, then to kind of treat the Hezbollah as a terrorist organization and not understand fully the sectarian policy politics within Lebanon. Speaker 5: (24:27) You know, this is a major difference that we have with the United States, because we believe that the policy of isolation that the U S adopted before it was many countries did not tell with scuba was North Korea, was Iran was enact. When you have the dual isolation policy, I believe engaging with people and with countries for a big country, like the U S believing in democracy and acceptance of the other. I think it's more useful, and that gave more better results before isolation can create more extremism and more fighting, which is not helpful for our work. dana lewis : (25:09) What is the risk? If you know, if countries that have a little more economic muscle like Britain, like France, like Germany like America, if they don't help Lebanon right now, what is it? gebran bassil : (25:21) The risk, the risk to peace, the risk to security in that region. The risk is what we have always warned about that you have a chaotic situation in Lebanon, which would encourage people to go to extremism to extremists. And terrorist will take Lebanon as a, as a hub, unfortunately, where immigrants will not be able to stay the displace and the refugees. And there will be an overflow from Lebanon towards the region. The same that happened from Syria towards Europe. And look how Europe were unable to sustain the number of series that a small country like Lebanon sustained for over nine years. Now, the whole continent of Europe was not able to absorb the number of series that live absorbed. So imagine more and more will will come. This will create a reaction from, you know, from the rightest in Europe profusing, and this will create more division within the Western societies, also Lebanon, as a model of tolerance, when you break it and you make it fall, what will emerge from this, uh, an empty model, which is extremism. dana lewis : (26:39) Let me come back to where we started, because I know you have limited time, and that is first of all, do you have, do you believe what is the cause of that explosion? Was it accidental? gebran bassil : (26:49) I cannot frankly tell before the investigation, but I don't really believe into the conspiracy theory in order, I believe exceptional coincidences that came all together. Uh, the way the political results of that also are intriguing. And as if something was, was really prepared before, as if this is a way to have different engagement was delivered, and I hope it will be a chance to open up to Lebanon again and help the country to go over this crisis, because I think it will be a very big mistake to let Lebanon fall, because this is a place that is open, you know, to the West and to the East. And it can be bridging for peace for stability and the region. And it can be a really a good backyard for Europe and the same for, for the video, for the Mediterranean. So Speaker 3: (27:57) Whatever, Speaker 5: (27:58) As the cause of that blast, dana lewis : (28:01) You know, you just said two things to me, and I found them contradictory. And maybe because you haven't decided in your own mind, but just to be clear, you don't feel it was an act of terror, but at the same time, you can't discount that maybe it was, is that essentially what Speaker 5: (28:18) Somehow, because the evidence until now nothing shows that there is something coming from outside. It can be a sabotage, but this should be something from outside that they get. And the same time, the political results as if, you know, you need that blast to start this certain process. What I'm trying to say, that process can take us to put more pressure on Lebanon and make it fall, or it can take us to another path that opens up to Lebanon and gives a chance for the country to please dana lewis : (28:54) When you you've toured. No doubt. I know you're in, you're in Beirut. You've probably been going on to these neighborhoods in these buildings, and I've heard there are hundreds of buildings. I mean, do you, is there a price tag on reconstruction repair? What does the international community need to do to help Beirut right now? Speaker 5: (29:13) You know, I think the best idea is for each country willing to help, to take on its own, uh, the reconstruction of the building of a street or a whole neighborhood, because Lebanon and especially the road has, uh, an antique, uh, architecture that is inherited from the Frenchman date and from, uh, Western architecture. And we should preserve architecture is boring. But when you go to Beirut, you really understand love for architecture because you want, you drive through the streets and you look at those buildings and they're beautiful, and it is a lovely, lovely suit. Yeah, it does actually at this, the mixture of architecture really resembles to the mixture of civilization, able to call her to go home and, you know, to live the experience of diversity, look marks on the facades of buildings, exactly new, new, uh, futuristic architecture alongside, whereas an and, and, and, uh, uh, old house, you know, or architecture or together, uh, you know, they give the root its beauty, and this is what we should preserve Beirut. gebran bassil : (30:30) It's not only architecture. It is an ancient, uh, school for democracy for human rights. It was the first democracy in the East, and it should be preserved as a pioneer of the human values and that part of the region where extremism is fighting and confronting moderation. And this is a big question for the West. What do you want? You want the middle East, a place to export for you terrorists or to export for you. Lack Lebanese are integrated in your societies to export to you brains and good people willing to add to your society. This is the big question, and this is where you cannot consider that whatever happens in Lebanon is irrelevant to your societies. We, uh, you know, calling for, for peace, we are calling to preserve Lebanon as a model of tolerance. Don't turn it into another Libya and to another Syria. And to another Iraq, we went through 15 years of war. We had enough, you know, and time is now for reconstruction for prosperity. All we need is pressure to go through the forms, not pressure to break the Lebanese model. You're very generous with your time. It's so important to talk to you and good luck to you and to all the great my friends in Beirut. We love the city. We wish you all the best. Thank you. Thank you very much. dana lewis : (32:07) That's this edition of backstory podcast. If you care about Beirut, you can donate through the red cross and many other frontline charities, like the UN. They could use your help. Please subscribe to backstory and share wherever you listen to podcasts. We're on every major podcast platform from Apple to Stitcher to overcast. There's just too many dimension. I also post the video portions of my interviews on my YouTube channel. You can watch them there as well. I'm Dana Lewis. Thanks for listening. And I'll talk to you again soon. https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/5059493

@gebran_bassil #beirut #lebanon #backstory @danykhoury [inaudible].

[lekkerchill-blog]

Day 3 of 15 Woke up in: Cat Ba island Sleeping in: Ninh Binh Distance traveled today: 210km Distance traveled total: 400km Distance to Ho Chi Minh City: 1850km Day of week: Tuesday

  Tuesday morning we woke up on a high note. The island was wonderful! Absolutely gorgeous. We enjoyed driving it’s narrow, sloping roads and breathing fresh air of Ha Long Bay.

Our accommodation was pretty cool too. Two bed cottage with very generous breakfast for 10 euro a head. The price is right!

Our shacks for the night in Cat Ba island

  Every one of us clearly wanted to spend as much time as possible on the island, but as this was no beach holiday but an epic adventure we had to be cautious of time – today’s planning saw us covering 210 kilometers all the way to Ninh Binh.

” True. That’s more than we did yesterday, but only by a few kilometers, like 20. Yesterday we covered the distance in about 8 hours. But the ferry took 1 hour and flat tires cost another 2 or 3 hours. So really we talking about 4 hours here. If we enjoy the day at the beach and leave at 2 in the afternoon we will be in Ninh Binh before the dark.”-, is what we reasoned. Not certain the logic made sense back then. It certainly doesn’t hold now, but that’s what we did anyway.

The island carries so much swag we couldn’t handle it!

We had some amazing breakfast topped by ice-cream (“Except Alfons. If you know him, ask him why he CAN NOT eat ice-cream for breakfast”), jumped our motorbikes and went direction beach where we were hoping to get our hands on some kayaks and take them on the Ha Long Bay!

Boat ride through Ha Long Bay

Looking out for kayaks and treasure in Ha Long Bay

Shortly after, we were riding through the amazing Ha Long Bay on a little fishing boat. It’s quite remarkable all the floating houses and floating markets you pass. It seemed like behind every corner and every rock of Ha Long Bay there is something special and absolutely gorgeous  (and it was).

As we were soaking in the beauty around us, our boat stopped at one of the little floating houses. There were a  few dozen kayaks around the house so we knew we have arrived.

What’s interesting is that this house is not just the kayak rental office. It’s the actual home of the family we met “aboard” the house. They live here and their family business is renting kayaks and fishing (we saw lots of different kind of fishes in the premises). We observed this a lot everywhere through Vietnam as locals usually operate their businesses from the establishments they are living in (and vice versa).

What this meant for us, on our adventure on scooters through Vietnam, is that no matter the time of day or night we will always be able to find help, a mechanic or gas if need be. But we didn’t know about this yet. We were going to learn it tomorrow.

Kayaking in Ha Long Bay is super dope!

Love this!

Swag only increased once we got on the water! Here pictured at Ha Long Bay kayak rental point. Middle of Ha Long Bay.

Towards the afternoon, after a swim from our own little island that we “discovered” in Ha Long Bay, the 6 of us were taken back to the island where we had a few errands to run before we could head towards the ferry out.

We had to pick up Erico’s scooter from the shop where he left it this morning. His rear wheel was still behaving strange and producing weird sounds. Still suspicious that the last mechanic somehow messed up the blots Erico asked the new mechanic to mount a new rear outer tire.

What actually happened, is Erico didn’t think he needed a new rear tire. He thought he just needs to have the wheel removed and re-positioned, but didn’t know how to explain that in Vietnamese (obviously) so decided that getting a new tire will require wheel being removed and re-positioned and that was as good as it gets.

It turns out Erico actually needed a new rear outer tire so this was a great gamble from Erico that panned out and he was back in full power! We celebrated with lunch.

Actual hawk vodka. With feathers and all. Seen at our lunch place that day. No, we didn’t try as we had a full day of driving to do still and we decided it’s best not to do it blind.

It was 16:00 when we got on the ferry and it was going to be dark within an hour and a half. We were all a bit wary about driving in the dark. It will certainly be harder to navigate and to find each other, so we decided to push hard over the next few hours and make use of every second of sunlight.

We were in the race against time and the beginning was surprisingly smooth. Instead of taking the second ferry we found ourselves on a newly built, great quality bridge and we were flying! That is until we stopped for good just a few miles passed the ferry. With still more than 170 kilometers to go. It was desperately getting dark and when the night covered us an hour or so later we were still stuck in the same spot on the high way where Matei got a flat tire and tore his engine belt.

These damages were serious. With a broken belt his motorbike was like a dead animal on the side of the road. Still roaring but going nowhere.

Funny enough, luck was on our side this time too because within seconds of Matei breaking down and stopping on the road a mechanic stopped next to him. With tools and all! I’m serious! No one called him or anything, he just saw a dude with a broken scooter, stopped and just began fixing the flat tire. Top class service!

It was completely dark now and the tire just got fixed. There still was a torn belt to deal with but for this the scooter had to be delivered to a garage near by. Maybe 3 kilometers.

“How to do that?”

Vietnamese style of course! Our mechanic friend got on his motorbike and started the engine. Matei sat on his motorbike and waited. Our friend came from behind, rammed his right leg into the engine block of Matei’s scooter and began accelerating.

Voila! Matei is riding again. Into the now crazy buzzing traffic.

Having to cross 6 lane insane road full of very aggressive lorries while pushing a motorbike must have been some of the most dare devil things we did as a group. Matei in the middle pushing his scooter surrounded by the 5 of us riding our motorbikes. We push slowly, beeping wildly and blocking the path for these massive angry lorries from left and then from right until we get to the sidewalk on the other side of the road.

You want thrill?! Forget bungee jumping, go scooter riding in Vietnam.

I think it was past 8pm when we left the garage and past midnight when we rolled into Ninh Binh. It was a long day and a long long night. We were exhausted but happy and I would say proud of what we achieved today.

It was tough at times. The last 20 kilometers to Ninh Binh the road was horrible. Pothole on pothole. The traffic was worse. Lorries each way, their lights blinding, the dust they raise and exhaust fumes clouding your eyes and getting into your mouth even through face masks. It was intense.

Many learning too. The big learning is how to organize yourself as a team when driving a convoy of motorbikes in the dark. It took us a few attempts and some getting lost time, but in the end we worked out a method that was proving to work and was going to take us all the way Ho Chi Minh city.

Tired but happy in Ninh Binh. We are about to eat Pho that Simona will claim has been the best Pho she had in two weeks in Vietnam!

Cumulative Garage Visits and Spend Erico 3 visits, 700k Dong spent Matei 1 visits, 400k Dong spent Alfons 0 visits, 0 Dong spent Rosas 0 visits, 0 Dong spent Simona 0 visits, 0 Dong spent Tomas 0 visits, 0 Dong spent

Cat Ba island to Ninh Binh Day 3 of 15 Woke up in: Cat Ba island Sleeping in: Ninh Binh Distance traveled today: 210km Distance traveled total: 400km Distance to Ho Chi Minh City: 1850km Day of week: Tuesday…