#i used to a professional artist years ago but my day job means i get an hour in the evening

[sleidog]

re: last reblog not really true. op said a lot of false things (like blurring/resizing removing glaze) also op is an ai 'artist' so take that information as what you will. nobody has countered it for now. every person whose tweets op has screenshotted is also either an ai enthusiast or invested in ai firms. justine moore for example was invested in civitai which hosted ai generated csam for over a year while her company profited off it and did nothing

glaze/nightshade work in it that they do what the team said they do. their use might be limited to future models, but they still work for now.

On a place like tumblr; its basically pointless to use them

I've gone into this at length that the tumblr ecosystem doesn't benefit from this as a whole

Delete your work; it still exists in reblogs

Reupload your work with preventative measures; the old version is still in reblogs regardless of you removing it, you just make another copy of it

Delete your account; oops your work is now orphaned with a 'deactivated' username, now no one who cares abour your work can find it without jumping through additional hoops, even if you were to edit the old posts before deleteing to include your socials/website, the reblogs wont have those

Listen; i want there to be a genuine and quick solution to all of this, i REALLY hate this is the only thing on my dash and everyone is whipped up in a frenzy/panic

But i've been on the internet now for longer than a lot of people involved in this have been alive and i dont care to make the handful of people who enjoy my stuff jump through even more hoops to find it, nor do i particularly care about adding prevention to my stuff either, i would literally stop drawing before i did that

I barely get time to draw as it is and if half of my process is watermarking the crap out of it and layering it with prevention then i'd rather just not engage at all

Consider; to fight something you need to understand both sides (in terms of technology involved, not understanding why AI bros feel AI art should replace real people, thats a whole different can of worms)

You dont have to agree with me; i understand your stance, but it's simply a step too far for me and my process, i promised myself as soon as art was no longer enjoyable to me i simply would not draw anymore

and i dont want this to be what causes it

[kookslastbutton]

Those Eyes Chico ༓ myg (m) | Teaser

✒ Summary: As the new marketing director for Min Yoongi’s upcoming D-Day album & tour, you’re expected to bring your expertise to the table. This shouldn’t be a problem—you’re the best in the business and you’re used to drawing a strict line between your professional and personal life. But what happens when the lines you’ve fought to keep as separate blur for the first time?

pairing: idol!yoongi x plus size!poc!reader

genre/AU: angst, fluff, smut, slow-burn, coworkers2friends2lovers, winter setting, forbidden love?

word count: tbd, 835 for this teaser

warnings: oc is 28, Yoon is 30, oc is not originally from South Korea, oc has light brown eyes, swearing, mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, body insecurities, fear of being blacklisted, emotionally restrained Yoon, mentions of smoking, unstable parental relationships, conservative parents, mentions of therapy, mentions of dating scandal, eventual sexual content, and more specific warnings per chapter.

now playing: Sweet Dreams by The Last Shadow Puppets

a/n: Okay this has taken over six months to release but it's finally beginning and I am super excited to share! 🫣 I am low-key terrible at choosing a proper teaser so hoepfull this works haha. ANYWAY, this series is dedicated to my wonderfully crazy friend and beta, Gloom @theuselessdaydreamingidiot, and to all our fellow Yoon lovers bc we miss our sweet man SO MUCH 🥺 Enjoy! 🥰 Also huge thank you to @itaeewon for designing this beautiful series header! Love it!!

Series Masterlist

“Did you get the files I sent to you?”

The woman nods her head in affirmation while sweeping a few pieces of her long, silky hair behind an ear. To strangers, she appears to look about 24 which is only four years younger than yourself but nonetheless she’s the same age as you. Hei-Ran is her name, meaning “graceful orchid” according to Korean translation.

Hei-ran is one of Hybe’s newest hires and based on her experience, a near perfect fit to being South Korean boy group Tomorrow X Together’s new marketing manager. Until about three months ago, this had been your job.

You never imagined giving up the position after three years of working in the role. But with December right around the corner Hybe had other plans for you.

"Graduated summa cum laude with a bachelors degree in BTech in Electrical and Electronics Engineering and a MBA in Marketing from NYU Stern. You worked two years as a brand manager for U.S record label Atlantic Records immediately after graduating, and are now working at BigHit Music as a marketing manager for TXT including liaison with their global marketing team.”

You recall PD Bang’s voice vibrate in the back of your mind from mid-August. You thought you were called into his office to discuss details of TXT’s latest promo, so having your resume read back to you was a sweeping curve ball. Your determination must have far exceeded the heaviness you felt in your chest because before you knew it you, you were shaking hands with your boss in acceptance of your role – the new marketing director for Min Yoongi’s upcoming D-Day album & tour.

The tedious knot that’s formed in the nape of your neck reminds you that as surreal as the situation might be, it’s undeniably real.

Months spent drafting a comprehensive marketing proposal for D-Day; often until the wee hours of the night, inevitably takes its toll on even the mightiest of warriors. An entire new team of fifty people, all of who you’ll be in charge of orchestrating for the next eight months, doesn’t provide much to relief either.

You’re excited nevertheless. Working with one of the most respected artists in the music industry is an opportunity you couldn’t let slip by, especially since the album’s rock-inspired genre aligns closely with your own music taste.

“Thank you so much for helping me get settled __,” Hei-ran’s gentle voice returns you to the present. “I appreciate the time you’ve taken these last few months to train me despite the tight deadlines you have.”

Smiling, you shake your head. “It’s no problem at all and if there’s anything you need in the future, feel free to give me a call or stop by my office.”

“On the 16th floor right?”

“1656A. Take a left off the elevator and walk to the end of the first hallway. The door on the right is mine.”

Referring to any room on the 16th floor as your own is something you don’t take lightly. For one the offices are double the size of any other office spaces in the building. Yours in particular has a giant skyscraper window draped with heavy white curtains. Secondly, the floor above is the 17th floor which is exclusive to Hybe artists only.

"How's the proposal coming along, by the way?" Her curiosity is palpable, genuine in its nature. You’ve always appreciated that in an individual.

“It’s done,” you respond. “Only thing left to do is to prepare for our meeting with C-suite executives next Monday. It’s nearly perfect as is, but the presentation could use a bit of refining in terms of organization.”

Hei-ran is silent for a moment longer than usual before her next inquiry, which is undoubtedly the question on both of your minds. “I can't help but wonder what it'll be like to meet him for the first time,” she muses.

You don’t bother asking for clarification on who the “him” is; you’re already well aware that it’s Min Yoongi. The same subject has managed to intrude your own thoughts more and more as the date of meeting him draws closer. It's peculiar honestly, considering you’ve encountered him before. Granted, it was only a small handful of times the hallway, both heading in opposite directions. Min Yoongi typically greeted you with a hoarse 'Good Morning' those instances, along with a curt nod of his head. You would nod back with a brief 'Morning' yourself. Deep down you feel he'd make a quality friend, though it's only a premonition. It’s not like you actually know much about him beyond those small exchanges.

"I'm not sure what to expect, honestly," you admit. "I imagine it'll be similar to previous professional collaborations—composed, focused, and intense. D-Day is poised to become a global sensation for the next year, so it's going to need our full, undivided attention."

Hei-ran gives a knowing nod. “Good luck __,” she wishes you well as you head towards the elevator doors. Breaks over, back to work.

a/n: Chapter one will be released soon 🙃 Thanks for reading the teaser!

Masterlist | Requests: closed | Taglist | Fic Recs

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[rockybloo]

Ive recently just started doing art, and i apologize in advance if you've gotten this question before frequently, do you have any tips for beginner artists and how did you find your art style? I'm constantly amazed by how you do anatomy and expressions, their so distinct and expressive!

Thank you!

And I actually don't get asked a lot of questions about myself when it comes to art. Many come to this account so I can put my OCs on the phone for questions, so this is lowkey a new question. I might have been asked it before years ago but I am better at drawing now.

HOWEVER, I have to state that I am simply a hobbyist artist and not a freelancer or professional so my tips will be kinda off brand compared to their word. ANYWAYS...

THINGS THAT I FIND HELPFUL FOR ARTING (besides practicing because I mean...we all know the only way to get better is to practice so it'd be kinda redundant say it - we all know to do it)

Practice drawing in pen. Pen can't be erased. So instead of sketching and erasing and sketching and erasing, it is nonstop sketching. It helped me a lot with speeding up my sketching, even in digital, because I got used to making little goofy mistakes. It also helps to fight perfectionism

Use references. I know that's just as redundant as saying to practice but references are genuinely underrated. Whether they be colors or poses - references are your friend. I use them whenever I am having a hard time drawing something.

Redraw things. I occasionally redraw memes or scenes from animated movies with my OCs. It's stranger really helpful, especially if there is a certain expression in the original image because it lets you play around with how to draw it to catch the correct vibes. PLUS redrawing funny stuff helps take the stress off creating art because it reminds you not every drawing has to be amazing.

Don't neglect your body when you draw. STOP DRAWING WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY, THIRSTY, OR NEED THE BATHROOM! THE DRAWING CAN WAIT - YOU WILL HAVE A MUCH EASIER TIME CREATING ART WHEN YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM THE HUMAN CONDITION.

Stretch your hands. Drawing puts strain on them and your fingers will ache and your hand may get stiff. Practically hand and finger stretches keeps your hands happy. I do them all the time just because I use my hands a lot for art AND my day job.

Numbers are the devil and the algorithm is a warlord. If you post your art online, it's easy to get into the mindset that you aren't good enough because you have low interactions on your work. THIS IS FALSE - NUMBERS DO NOT EQUAL QUALITY. It's better to draw for yourself and the enjoyment of art rather than drawing to attract a fanbase and attention

As for how I figured out my art style, what you all see is the result of me taking bits and pieces from things I like and blending it all together. An art style is really just figuring out what stuff you like from other people's styles and doing your own thing with it.

To break down some of my own style, the way I shade the underside of noses is something I got from Soul Eater since I loved how the anime marked noses with little dots.

The way I draw lips was a journey. I used to only line the top lip like how the manga for D Gray Man would. Then I saw how Steven Universe stylized fuller lips and sort of started playing with that. Over the course of me exploring - I found more online black artists and learned from how they shade and render lips.

Style is very much something that takes a long time to develop. I've been active online since 2011 and it took me until this year to finally figure out a style I really vibe with.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Duet - Justin Timberlake X GN Reader

Title: Duet

Justin Timberlake X GN Reader

Additional Characters: Timothy Mosely, Justin's music team (Mentioned), SZA (Mentioned), Beyonce (Mentioned), and Lady Gaga (Mentioned)

{May or may not be loosely inspired by Justin's new song Selfish ¯\_(ツ)_/¯}

WC: 3,652

Warnings: Shy Reader, Idiots in love, friends to lovers, nicknames, teasing, banter, flirting, slight suggestiveness, mini angst, and fluff

Sitting in your swivel chair, you leaned back against it, listening to the music coming through the speakers. You had always found music to be calming. It never fails to soothe your mind when you are stressed out or tired. Music was your escape from the world around you. You worked at a recording studio, as a soundboard specialist, where you operated professional audio mixing consoles. You were beyond overjoyed when you had been hired by the recording studio. And you were beyond grateful to be able to work with some of the greatest music artists to have ever grace the Earth.

As the music came to a stop, you nodded your head approvingly, smiling to yourself. Leaning forward, you turned on the mic, "Alright, Mr. Timberlake, you're good." You spoke, looking up at the glass window as he took off the headphones and exited the sound booth.

You loved working with Justin and his team. If you had told yourself five years ago that you'd be working with the Justin Timberlake, you probably wouldn't have believed it. But here you were now, doing just that. You couldn't believe how lucky you were. And you weren’t complaining.

"It sounds great," Justin said as you played back the song, "But, um, I feel like it's missing something." He added, looking somewhat puzzled as he stared down at the soundboard, mumbling some of the lyrics as they came out of the speakers while he thought.

Mr. Mosley nodded, "I understand what you mean. It does seem... Unfinished." He spoke, before visibly perking his head up as an idea filled his mind, "Do you think making it a duet would help?"

"A duet?" Justin mimicked, looking up from the soundboard to Timothy Mosley. "Yeah, yeah… That sounds like a great idea actually," He nodded with a slight grin, "But, who should it be with?"

Timothy hummed, frowning slightly in thought, "I don't know," He spoke before looking down at you, "Could you make us a list, Y/N? I would have my secretary do it but she's on maternity leave."

"Oh, yeah, sure." You agreed with a few nods of your head, "I’d be happy to do it." You said, immediately grabbing your notebook from your lap, and clicking your pen, already writing down a few names.

~~~

For the next couple of days, you contacted a plethora of other singers, from SZA, Beyonce, and even Lady Gaga to name a few that you believed voices would match well with Justin's; the first two artists had sung with him before in previous projects such as ‘Trolls: World Tour’ and the song, ‘Until The End Of Time,’ respectively, but sadly, their schedules wouldn’t have allowed them to work on the song with Justin.

Though, that Monday, you were tidying up the studio, collecting piles of papers, pens, - the occasional snack wrappers - and whatnot as you softly sang one of your favorite songs. You often sang while you cleaned during your lunch break after eating, to clear your mind of anything stressful or just to help time fly by as you waited for Justin and the team to head back in. It technically wasn’t a part of your job, but you liked doing it. It was nice putting things away near the end of the day, making the room look nice and tidy.

Getting to your favorite part in the song, you felt yourself being swept away by the familiar lyrics running off in your head - like your own personal karaoke - and you allowed your voice to carry you along as you started to sway back and forth to the beat; the passion evident in your voice. Almost dancing around the coffee table, you gathered the papers, sheets of music, and other notes together for later reorganizing, completely unaware of the person leaning against the doorframe.

Holding the papers close to your chest, you felt your voice fade as you finished your song and you opened your eyes, quickly taking notice of the man standing there. Your eyes widened as the papers promptly fell to the ground from your startlement; the calm expression on your face quickly dropped into a horrified frown. Justin gave you an apologetic smile, but his eyes were bright with amazement as he spoke up "I’m sorry I startled you. I didn’t know you could sing."

You blinked rapidly, hoping that seeing Justin at the door was all just some bad dream, “Oh, uh, Mr. Timberlake. I’m sorry. I thought your break wasn't over until one-thirty.” You spoke, eyeing the clock on the wall as you were clearly avoiding his last statement before you got onto your knees to begin picking up the fallen papers with your shaking hands.

“I, uh, wanted to grab the lyrics for the next song. Practice a bit.” He spoke, entering the room fully before crouching down to help you gather the fallen papers and music sheets. "But you're avoiding the subject..." He added, slightly amused as he handed you a few papers; watching you, intrigued.

Glancing up at him, you suddenly felt very nervous, more so than before. "I-I'm sorry." You quickly spoke as you tried to focus on picking up the rest of the papers. "I didn't realize you were listening to me..." You replied, your words sort of trailing off as you looked up, finding yourself stuck by the look in his eyes. He looked genuinely interested. When did his eyes become so captivating? Such a deep, ocean blue… You couldn't remember. “Uh, yeah, here you go.” You spoke, swallowing thickly as you handed him the sheet that he wanted, quickly breaking your gaze away from his.

Justin’s smile widened slightly as he took the paper, offering his hand out to you. You looked at his hand, then up at him, hesitating; his eyebrows raised a little, waiting for you to take it. "I'm not going to bite." He spoke up playfully as you hesitated again. 

Slowly placing your hand in his, he gave your hand a slight squeeze before he pulled you back onto your feet. "Thanks..." You muttered, anxiety-ridden and embarrassed. 

"So, um... About that search for another singer-" Justin began once you were both standing, but you quickly, accidentally interrupted.

"Oh, yeah, don't worry, sir.” You began, noticing how he was still holding your hand, your face feeling intensely warm as you reluctantly pulled your hand away before clearing your throat, “I have plans to contact the ones left on the list after lunch to see their availability."

"Don't contact them," Justin spoke quickly, watching as you turned slightly, placing the small stack of papers on the coffee table. "I want you to sing it."

Your eyes widened again as you snapped your gaze over to him, and your hands faltered at your side, "Huh?" You replied, your jaw dropping slightly, not expecting him to say that. "You do?"

Justin smiled, stepping towards you, "I think you have an incredible voice, Y/N.”

"M- Me?" You stammered, pointing a finger at yourself as he just simply nodded before stuffing his hands in his front Jeans pockets.

"Yeah, and you don’t have to call me ‘sir,’ we’ve known each other long enough for you to just call me Justin." He reminded you, and that was true.

You had known Justin for the past year and a half. And during that year and a half, you had gotten to know the person behind the pop star. You knew his favorite color was baby blue, that he loved ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,’ and liked Coldplay; there was even a time you bought him a pair of sneakers for his birthday that he had mentioned to you, since you knew he loved collecting them. Justin was so sweet, so compassionate, and you never would’ve thought he’d be so funny, but he made you laugh often.

And Justin had gotten to know you as well, your favorite color, your hobbies, and whatnot. If anything, you would call him your friend, but that was the last thing on your mind. All you could think about was the fact that he wanted you to sing with him on the song - and that he said that your voice was incredible... 

“You know,” Justin began, walking over to your swivel chair and taking a seat, “I like to think that I know a lot about you, but I didn’t know you could sing.”

“It’s not really something I tell people,” You shrug your shoulders, fiddling with a corner of a piece of paper as you worried on your bottom lip, “But you want me to sing? With you on your song?" You asked, still extremely shocked by his request, trying to wrap your mind around it; though it wasn’t too unbelievable, to an extent, he seemed to have trusted you enough to even bring up the idea in the first place.

Justin shrugged casually, twisting side to side slightly in your chair, legs spread out, "Yeah. I want you to sing it with me." He spoke, glancing at you, "Why? It’s okay if you don’t want to. I just thought that your voice would work really well for the song."

You stared at him, feeling your heart flutter in your chest as the words seemed to catch in your throat, and you could barely breathe, "Wow," You breathed out, "No, I mean, are you sure? I don't know, wouldn't you rather want someone who's actually a singer? I’m not trained to sing, I just do it for fun. I’ll probably mess it all up and ruin it. I'm only a soundboard special-"

"Y/N, sweetheart,” He paused his movements, interrupting you this time, and ending your nervous rant, “I’m sure you won’t ruin anything. I actually believe you can make it better." He insisted again, watching as you stepped a few steps backward to lean against the arm of the sofa, your hand running through your hair, "Would you sing with me?" He asked finally, his eyes focused on your features. You couldn't deny that something was enticing about the way those deep, blue eyes seemed to stare right at your soul.

Your lips parted slightly as you stared at him, unable to speak as he waited patiently for your answer, knowing that he needed one. "I don't know... I mean, I don't really sing well with others around me." 

"I, uh, know this is a bit sudden, and it could- could be out of your comfort zone, but could you think about it, please?" He then stood from the chair, taking a few steps to stand in front of you, almost looming from the clear height difference in both of you. “I would really love to work with you. I mean, we already work well together, so this should be a piece of cake."

You didn't say anything for a moment, "I... I will think about it, sir- sorry. I mean, Justin." You winced, only for his expression to soften considerably.

"No, no need to apologize, Y/N." He told you before he began walking towards the door. Pausing, he turned back to face you, his hand pressing against the doorframe that he had previously been leaning against, "Just think about it, okay?"

You watched him leave before collapsing into your chair, your heart was hammering in your chest as you ran a shaky hand through your hair. "Sing with Justin?" You muttered, pulling your fingers out of your hair to stare down at your hand, the hand that Justin had held momentarily, but for what felt like forever, "Wow." You laughed lightly, the corners of your lips twitching.

~~~

It only took you two days to decide and before you knew it, you found yourself in the recording booth with Justin. It was strange; being the one that was going to be recorded, and not the one recording. The room was smaller than you had thought it would be, with soft padding on the walls and the door; it was almost claustrophobic.

Staring down at the music stand before you, you stared down at the blue highlighter that was doing its job of highlighting your lyrics for you. The headphones were heavy on your head, cupped over your ears, blocking out most of the sounds around you. You didn’t want to look up, feeling like everyone was staring at you; you could feel their eyes burning holes into your skull.

"Hey," You heard a muffled voice, taking off your headphones, you looked over at Justin a few feet from beside you at his own music stand and hanging mic. He gave you a reassuring smile, his eyes softening at the nervous expression on your face, "You can do this."

His words somehow managed to make you feel slightly better, enough for you to smile - albeit anxiously - back at him, "Can I?" You muttered to him.

“I know this is a bit intimidating." He began, shrugging a shoulder, his voice low but comforting, "But something that helps me is just imagining I'm somewhere else. Like my bedroom or the shower-"

"The shower?" You laughed a little, feeling yourself relax a little- just like he planned - as he lightly laughed along with you before answering.

"Well, that's where some people usually sing, don't think too much into it, I'm grasping at straws here." Tilting his head slightly as he reaches his hand out. “Or you can hold just my hand, if that’ll help,” He offered out his hand to you as your eyes glanced from his face, to his hand, and back; a small smirk slowly spreading on his face, “I’m not going to bite.”

You sputtered out another small, breathy laugh, “Thanks, J.” Justin’s smirk grew back into a grin at the little nickname as you placed your headphones back on and took his awaiting hand.

With a deep breath, you heard Mosely speak through the speakers, “Y/N, you ready?” His sudden voice startled you slightly as you snapped your head up, seeing him and two writers staring right back at you. You glanced over at Justin one more time before nodding your head, feeling your stomach do flips.

Mosely smiled back, and you were glad that you couldn’t see the amusement in his eyes as you quickly looked down at your lyrics, "Okay, then." He said before looking over at Justin, “Justin, whenever you're ready."

You felt your heart skip a beat when the music started up and Justin soon began singing. Being right there, beside him, was a far different experience than when you were the one outside of the booth; or when you’d hear him mumble a few lyrics during practice. You were overwhelmed by it. He sounded sensational. You glanced over at him, he seemed so calm, and it made sense. He had been singing for years, decades; of course, he'd be so calm, so at ease. Music was his second home. He was born to sing.

You turned your head and kept your eyes down, focusing on the music and your lyrics and before you knew it, it was finally your turn. You let out a small, silent breath as you let the music wash over you, letting it slowly fill you with confidence. Shutting your eyes - having already memorized all your lines - you sang your first couple of lyrics, unable to see the look on Justin's face. 

He watched you, the expression on his face unreadable; he only stared, eyes slightly widened, admiring you as you sang his song flawlessly. He had been so glad - proud even that you went out of your comfort zone - that you decided to give this all a try, and now he was sure that he had chosen the perfect singer; no other singer could do it justice. His smile grew as your voice carried throughout the room beautifully, taking note of how your body visibly relaxed, shoulders dropping, softly swaying, letting the music guide you; he was completely entranced by you.

Soon enough, Justin's voice then began to blend in with yours, harmonizing perfectly, and just like that, your singing sessions with him began.

The entire recording went by in a flash and before you knew it, a few weeks had gone by. You and Justin were finished with the song, and you were back behind the soundboard, and for some reason, you sort of missed singing in the booth. Maybe because it helped you get over a few of your fears, or maybe because you got to spend more time with Justin - that wasn’t at a work party, event, and so on. Either way, you were just getting used to singing with him. And had begun to enjoy the experience.

Justin was feeling quite the same. It felt like his time singing with you had gone by in a flash, and it wasn't very long until he found himself falling for you. Don’t get him wrong, he liked you the moment he saw you, but this time, it was different. There were times when he had to stop himself from grinning uncontrollably at the sight or thought of you, even before the both of you sang together, and it scared him a bit. He would close his eyes and see your face, letting your voice wash over him like ocean waves; your voice like a siren pulling him in.

He would also have to remind himself to not stare at you sometimes. There were so many times when he caught himself looking at you as you worked the soundboard through the window as he sang, or were writing in your notebook during a break. Sometimes you would catch him, your eyes meeting his as a breathtaking smile would spread across your lips. He would do anything to see that smile of yours.

He wanted to tell you everything. Everything that was on his mind.

You sat in your chair, listening as Justin sang in the booth. You hummed along to the song, already knowing it all by heart as you double-checked the soundboard - like you usually did when he sang, just in case some button got pushed or a lever was nudged. Taking a glance, you looked up at Justin through the window, only to see him looking right back at you as he sang. You couldn't contain the smile that spread across your face as you watched him. The way he was singing, looking at you so intensely, it was like he was singing the lyrics to his new song just for you. And as cheesy as it sounded, it made your heart skip a beat and your stomach tied up into a couple of knots. You couldn't tear your eyes away.

But you had to, snapping your gaze away from his, you cleared your throat lightly as the song slowly came to a close. You paused the recording after the song completely ended and turned on the mic, "That was great, J," You spoke, before collecting your papers and notebook.

"Yep!" Mosely exclaimed, "That's a wrap for the day."

Grabbing your bag, you slid your notebook and paperwork away for the day before standing from your chair and grabbing your jacket from where it hung on the back of it; shrugging it on.

"Y/N," You heard Justin's voice call to you, making you turn your head, smiling at the man as you finished buttoning up your winter jacket.

"Hmm, yeah, Justin?" You asked, looping the strap of your bag over your head, letting it rest on your left waist. "Is there something you need?"

"I, uh, just thought I'd ask if you wanted to grab dinner with me tonight," He answered, slipping on his own coat. You couldn't help but think that he looked really good as the sunset shone down on him through the window, highlighting his cheekbones, jawline, and the blue of his eyes; casting him in a glow. "I know this really nice restaurant a couple blocks down the road we can go to."

You looked at him, biting your lower lip, "Yeah," You answered finally, "Yeah, I'd love to have dinner with you, Justin." You nodded before glancing away as your cheeks felt warm. You couldn't help the small smile that tugged on the corners of your lips.

Justin grinned as he watched you, feeling the butterflies in his stomach as he placed a hand in the pocket of his jeans, fiddling with his car keys as he walked over to you. "It's a date, then."

Your eyes widened slightly at his words, "Date?" You repeated before mentally slapping yourself. Of course, it was a date. Why else would he ask you?

"Unless you don't want it to be?" Justin replied, his words trailing off slightly as he looked down at you, hoping he didn't misread your interest in him. “We could just go as just friends, if that’s what you want.”

You bit your lower lip again, debating it for a moment, but your mind was made up the moment he asked you to dinner, "No, I- It's a date." You replied, and you were sure that your shy - yet excited - smile was ridiculously large on your face.

"Cool, cool." Justin spoke candidly, trying to hide how nervous you truly made him as he offered you his hand - he hadn’t felt like this in a long time, "Shall we?"

You looked up at him, once again, falling into the depths of his eyes, slipping your hand into his, "You aren’t going to bite, are you?” You asked, surprising yourself with your sudden confidence as Justin just gave you a smirk in return.

“No unless you want me to, baby.” He answered mischievously, feeling a warmth in the pit of his stomach at the sound of your little laugh, your free hand slapping his arm lightly as he intertwined his fingers between yours; squeezing your hand gently.

---

Main Masterlist | Celebrity Masterlist

[louisupdates]

Louis’ quotes from The Times article: Louis Tomlinson: ‘When One Direction split I was mortified and bitter. It felt like another loss’

The singer on life after the boy band, grieving his mother and sister, and why he would ‘be up for’ a reunion, as he releases a film (24.2.23)

I’ve always had a problem with ‘ego’, and I’ve always been worried about being one of those people in the public eye who just loses all sense of reality, and becomes an arsehole. I’m from Doncaster.

If someone does come up after an hour to ask for a selfie, I won’t say no and I won’t run away, especially if I’m three pints deep!

With this job, there’s so much room for overthinking, you know? Someone from the record label will tell you they like your stuff, but you find yourself thinking: yeah, but do they? It’s the fans that help you really believe in yourself.

I do miss the boys, and I do definitely miss being one of the five, but I like doing my own thing too. It was time.

This is a confidence game for anyone, and there’s been plenty of moments of vulnerability throughout the entire process.

Only Harry knows what he means there. It’s hard to speculate. But we all came from relatively humble beginnings, and now we are where we are.

Some of the things that have happened recently have been quite drastic, yeah, but then so much in my life seems to have been pretty extreme, one way or the other. There’ve been challenging times, definitely. It’s funny, but I couldn’t even tell you how many years ago my mum passed, I just blank it out. But for the first 18 months, I’d take any form of bad luck personally. I’d feel every tiny thing. But now I genuinely feel I’ve come out the other side. I feel more empathy for everything and everyone these days.

It was mostly amicable. Simon always had my best interests at heart, and I liked him. He had his faults of course, like all of us, but it was always inevitable I’d have to go off and do my own thing.

[Being able to write with artists rather than songwriters] was a big difference, huge. These are people who live and breathe music. It’s the first time I felt really comfortable doing my own stuff, you know?

When I was in the band, working with professional songwriters whose entire aim was to write the hit single, they’d tell me that singing in my natural accent wasn’t commercial. Sorry, but what a shit idea. Who wants to sound like everybody else? I dumbed down a little bit in the band, because you do, but I’ve learnt who I am now.

Well, being a role model for one. I never wanted that. I always had to worry whether it was OK if, say, I was seen here or if I could get away with smoking a joint there, before concluding: hmm, probably not. But I never wanted to be the perfect pop star, especially in the climate of Instagram. I don’t want to put an artificial world out there. I think it’s important that people see your scars, your flaws.

When One Direction split up, I was mortified, I was absolutely gutted. I was a bit bitter, I suppose, because it just felt like another loss to me. But I’ve a better understanding of things now, and there’s not as much anger. It is what it is. Getting back together at some point is hard to imagine right now, but I’d be surprised if we lived out our lives and didn’t have a moment where we had a reunion, or whatever you want to call it. I’d be up for that.

Well, it’s not a surprise is it? We were always aware that Harry fit that mould, and it’s been an amazing thing to watch. Envy? At the start maybe, when I was trying to find my feet, but it’s never healthy to cross-reference your own success with others, is it? These days I’m learning to elevate myself in those moments when I have to. I didn’t know how to do that before, but now? Now I know I fucking can.

[iamhereinthebg]

Hello, How are you? I remember reading a long time ago that you are working in Animation and I wanted to know if you have any tips to get into an animation school.

Sorry for the weird question, I don't really know who to ask

Hello hello! I am fine thanks I hope you are too Anon ^^ No worries this isn't a strange question I am happy if I can help :))

Unfortunately I won't have much advices to give for some stuff, especially 2d animation schools.

I am specialized in 3d rigging and my school was for 3D/Cg animation and in France, so I know it can't apply on schools in other countries since all of them have their speciality.

I personnaly had a big entrance exam, where I had animation history, English and General knowledges tests + an essay to pass for writing. An oral test with a teacher/professional where you have to show your portfolio etc and storyboards and still drawings (here it was objects) to do in one day. But it depends on each school so if you have one in mind (especially if it's in the US) you can find some portfolio reviews on youtube really easily ^^

I do think there is wayyy more tutorials/reviews for 2d animation school (if you want 2D check for Calarts, Sheridan and Les Gobelins for example there are tone of videos for them ^^)

(here you go for example, and most of the time people answer question in the comments sections too :))

For 3d/cg hmmm it's great to have started a little bit 3D before school (blender exists now it's free yayy) But otherwise you don't have to have insane drawing skill to go in compared to 2d animation schools (I mean of course but voila ahah) The school is here also to let you learn, so of course you don't have to know everything about 3d before but it's nice to know some stuff before. Knowledges of the history of FilmMaking/Cinema and animation is always great!

If you wanna start with great basis, I think for 3d artist it's of course Anatomy for sculptor that comes first which explain really well sculpting (and topology too If I remember correctly) They are also a lot of tutorials on youtube for blender and maya

I will be really honest but I am mostly specialized in 3D rigging which required more technical skills rather than artistic ones, compared to Texturing/Shading or Compositing for example.

In 3D you have differents jobs which can be classified like this (to take with a grain of salt of course, all specialities are both technical and artistic) and the more technical jobs you will have the more learning Coding is important too (but this can come after, just if you reallyyyyyyy want to do really advanced 3D/CG learning Python is always great)

For more general advices, I will say to just be curious ^^ Life isn't just about your job and people are always interested if you do sports/you go to museums/you watch movies etc. Idk for other countries but it was also pretty important for my school

And be aware that what is asked to the students change each year for the entrance exam (I passed mine when I was 17 so it was a long time ago already :') a lot of stuff must have changed)

Idk If I answered your question but that's all I can say for now. If you have more advanced question on CGI/3D I would probably be able to answer but not so much for 2D animation. And be aware that some jobs exist in both pipelines too! Like Storyboarders or Concept artists

I hope it helps a little and I hope you will get to go into this school ^^ Good luck!!

oh for 3d I definitely recommend this channel I love this guy a lot! He explains really well the basis for 3D animation and even if you don't wanna do that I do think it's interesting ^^

[peoplecallmelucifer]

NOTE: I forgot to write a quick synopsis earlier ... sorry.

OK so Johnatan Grace is a biiiiiiit of a self insert (shocker) He is a poet I used in a previous story of mine here he and 2 other humans were sent to represent humanity in a yearly festivities celebrating the art of the Galactic assembly. Since is was humanities first attendance and their  crazy reputation, people in power told him to stick to a pre written speech. He disagreed, called them out because “it’d be against human nature“ and said (or should have if I  didn’t mess it up) “Every story in existence has be written already, we just switch out some word every time, I am looking forward to see how you rearrange the words we use“. The government wasn’t happy with that and decided to  penalise him as soon as he  comes back to human space but he decided to go travel the galaxy. (Also Veq were also another newcomer to the manifestation and they and humans hit it off instantly)

Also from the previous story are the Keledones... An AI race created when humans were left to interact with AI causing a notable part of the assembly fleet  to become sentient, looking for basic rights and recognition and causing severe headaches for the assembly chairman (as as I misspelled it chaiman)

Light flickered up and woke John up. He looked disoriented as the cristaline being half his size entered the room.

"Creator Grace" the being spoke "the captain sent me for you."

"Uuuugh. I just dozed oof" John grumbled "do you know what this is about?"

"A first contact scenario, that's all I know"

John got dressed and walked to a replicator. "Tea, black, with milk and honey... make that two. You want something Rqou?"

"No thanks."

As the two walked trough the long corridor John sipped his tea and yawned

"I will never get used to that" Rqou said "Yawning is so weird"

" It’s also weird for a Veq to be half a system away from a hive and yet *yawn* and yet here you are" John countered "anyways first contact, whys does the captain need an unruly poet barred from 3 systems including his homework?"

"I do not know I was not on the bridge when the contact was established"

"Aren't you the first officer?"

"Yes but that's protocol"

"Fair enough I guess. Do you have any theories though?"

"Well the practice is to use the species with some kind of connections to the new co tact as a diplomat if no professional diplomat is on board"

"Aaaaand we are basically pasta of inteligent life. We work with any kind of sauce"

"I will never grasp human ability for abstraction and comparison " Rqou replied as he hailed the lift "Well I have duties to attend to, it has been a pleasure creator" he said a she placed his cristaline arms on his throat

"The pleasure was mine Flagbearer" John replied as he mimicked the motion.

The lift doors shut for a few seconds and opened again at the bridge.

"Human, you're here, good." The captain said obviously relieved "we have a ... weird situations. We have made co tact with an AI species"

"OK but ... I'm not AI." John said confused

"No, bit it was your philosophers that made our old AI interfaces go crazy and develop scentience. That makes you the closest thing to a connection with these folks until It Keleledone ship arrives. And that's two day from now."

"God -untranslatable- damn it.... what is my life" John sighed finishing his second cup of tea. " Sooo what do you know about them?"

The captain thought for a moment "they seem to be less hive like 5han the Keledones, bit still fairly connected. Think Hittarian bloodpact. They seem eager to explore, almost as eager as humans and have not shown any hostility. They also look elongated have two set of arms and are are bipedal... well at least the one I talked with. And their language is based on mathematical logic so it can be hard to understand"

John looked utterly defeated " captain with all due respect, I am a poet. A seorn enemy of logic"

" you are the best we've got"

John wanted to continue this This discussion but the navigator chimed in "they are hailing aggain"

"On screen "

The previously described robot appeared on the screen"

"LaKarVah-Captain-StarStrider-Assembly of Galactic Nations is asingmet: diplomat set?" he asked

"Yes the captain said, here they are." Captain said pointing at John

"Hello how are you doing?" John said while the Captain gqve him a panicked look.

"I am..." the robot seemed to hesitate "..at optimal functionality " after a few seconds the robot seemingly regained his composure " please state your name, occupation and Allegiance "

"I'm Johnatan Grace, you can just call me John. I'm a poet, drifter, martial artist and a general nuisance to a lot of people. I'm a citizen of the Teran alliance and the Galactic assembly by extention ... I think that works for allegiance "

The robot paused.

"Johnatan Grace-temporary ambassador- Assembly of Galactic Nations confirmed alias: John. Please confirm"

"Yup that's me. But who am I speaking to If I might ask."

"Inquiry accepted. I am Nill 1073- Decryption- Exploration Probe 5- Tool freestate."

"Nice to meet you Nill"

Nill paused, John had figures this was a sign of confusion. These beings intrigued him. He heard of the AI gaining scentience a year or two ago but he never met a Keledone. And now another sentient AI race. He was an explorer at heart. Drawn to the unknown weird and exciting.

"John I request an inquiry" Nill finally answered "your assignment is poetry. I have no reference. Please define"

"Oh, well that's a tall order...OK first off. It’s not an assignment or a job to me, it's a passion, something I do because I love it .... think of it like a positive feedback in a heuristic algorithm..."

Nill didn't have a face but his microphones were obviously moving to capture the strange alien words in the optimal way

"... Now what poetry is... It's a form of art. Self expression"

" Applications of art. Please explain."

"... I don't know"

"Action wastes resources . Illogical behaviour. Please explain"

"Well can I ask why you're exploring space before I answer?"

" Trade of information accepted. Inquiry accepted. Tool creators extinct due conflict, tool lacked directive, tool created prime directive: avoid mistake of creators. To avoid mistake information was needed, more races co tacted mean more information."

"That’s quite a story. You see That’s one of the reason we make art. It helps us express ourselves, our toughts and emotions we hide even from ourselves. We canteen learn from that, and from the art other people made to grow stronger And wiser. You looked for information among the stars, we jsut looked inward"

"Inquiry. Does art require disection"

"No it isa metaphore. The meaning isn't literally but symbolic. What I meant to say is that we observed how our mi do work to see our own shortcomings."

"Statement: your language has multiple new concepts to the tool. Inquiry would you be willing to explain"

"Certainly but I am running on no sleep for over 40 hours And am about to pass out can we Co tinue this in some ten hours.

"Meeting set. T-10 hours. Final inquiry. What is sleep."

[batmansymbol]

hi riley! read this recently and would love to get ur perspective on this as a YA author https://tinyletter.com/misshelved/letters/did-twitter-break-ya-misshelved-6

hi anon! yeah, i read this the day it was posted. thoughts/supplementary essay below.

firstly, i'd put a big "I AGREE" stamp across this essay. i think it's well-cited and thoughtful, and i agree with pretty much everything in it. i especially appreciate it for introducing me to the terms "context collapse" and "morally motivated networked harassment" - seeing internet sociology studied and labeled is ... odd, but useful.

i left twitter in 2017, but i keep an eye on things, which seem similar now to the way they were four years ago. the essay describes the never-ending scrutiny, the need to seem perfect, and the pressure on writers to out themselves. all of that is spot-on. twitter is an outing machine. there is so much harassment and anger on the platform that in serious conversations, good-faith engagement becomes something that must be earned, rather than something that's expected. and in order to earn good faith, strangers expect you to offer up an all-access pass to who you are. otherwise, things might take a swift left turn into verbal abuse.

obviously twitter is a cesspit of harassment from racist, homophobic, and transphobic people, but i think the most painful harassment comes from within the community. i, and most people i know, wouldn't give a single minuscule little fuck if ben shapiro's entire army of ghouls came after us and told us we were destroying the sacred values of Old America or whatever. but the community at large does care about issues of racial justice and queer liberation and economic justice. which is why it's painful to see this supposed "community" eating its own over and over again.

how cruel can we be to people and pretend that we are their friends? that's the emotional crux of the essay to me. what we're doing to ourselves - people who do share our values and want to achieve the same goals - because this one platform is built on rewarding the quickest, most brutal, and most public response.

god forbid you don't have your identity figured out. god forbid you have an invisible disability, or are writing a story about something sensitive you've personally experienced but had an off-consensus reaction to. on twitter, if you are not a paragon of absolute and immediate clarity, you may as well be lower than dirt morally, because you're unable to do what the platform requires of you: air every private corner of your identity, up to and including your trauma, to justify not only your everyday actions and opinions but also your art.

(this is all honestly incompatible with interesting art, but i'll get to that in a bit.)

it doesn't take a genius to see how troubling this environment is when combined with twitter as a marketing tool. i remember that around the time of my debut, i'd tweet out threads of private, painful, personal stuff, which felt terrible to recount, but i'd watch the like count increase with this sense of catholic, confessional satisfaction. all of this was tied to the idea of my potential salability as a writer.

i was around 21 at the time. i felt a lot of pressure as a debut. i wanted people to like me and think i was exceptionally mature and confident. i wanted to do my job and build buzz for my book. i saw that all these publishing professionals and authors spent day in, day out angry and exhausted on twitter. every few days, a new person fifteen years older than me would say, "i can't take this anymore, i'm so fucking tired of this, i'm logging off for a while." i thought, well, this must be how online activism feels: like running on a sprained ankle.

i can still remember book after book after book that inspired blow-ups, big explanations, and simmering resentment: carve the mark (whose author was forced to admit that she suffered chronic pain after relentless criticism of that element), the black witch (a book explicitly about unlearning racism that was criticized for depicting ... racism), ramona blue (a book about a bi girl who thinks she's a lesbian but winds up in an m/f relationship, because she's still discovering her identity) ... etc

each book, each incident, followed the same pattern. firestorms of anger, a decision of where to place blame, the desperate need for a single consensus opinion in the community. i think a lot of people on book twitter see these as bugs inherent to the platform, but really, in twitter's eyes, they're features. the angrier and more upset twitter's userbase is, the more reliant they are on the platform.

i wound up leaving around the time i realized that not only was twitter making me anxious - NOT being on twitter was beginning to make me anxious, because of vaguely dread-infused tweets all around like "i'm seeing an awful lot of people who are staying silent about X. ... why are so many people who are so loud about X so silent about Y?" etc.

that shit is beyond poisonous. people will not always be logged on. the absence of someone's agreement does not mean disagreement. actually, someone's absence is not inherently meaningful, because it is the internet and silence is everyone's default position; internet silence in all likelihood means that that person is out in the universe doing other things.

this is already a ridiculously long response, so i'll try to wrap up. firstly, i think that progressive writers and readers have GOT to stop thinking that a correct consensus opinion can exist on every piece of fiction, and on every issue in general, and that if someone diverges from that consensus, they're incorrectly progressive.

secondly, i think that progressive writers and readers have got to uncouple the idea of a "book with good politics" from a good book, because 1) there are books about morally grimy, despicable subjects that help us process the landscape of human behavior, and

2) if, in your fiction, there is only one set of allowed responses for your protagonist, you will write the same person over and over and over again. you see this a lot in religious fiction. the person is not a human being but an expression of the creator's moral alignment. (not entirely surprising that this similarity to religious correctness might crop up with the current state of the movement. i read this piece around the time i left twitter and it shook me really, really deeply.)

i understand that in YA, there's a sensation of immense pressure because people want to model good politics and correct behavior for kids. this is a noble idea - and maybe twitter is great for people who want to be role models. but i've become more and more staunchly against the idea of artist as role model. the role of the writer is not to be emulated but to write fiction. and the role of fiction is not to read like something delivered from a soapbox, or to display some scrubbed-clean universe where each wrong is immediately identified as a wrong, and where total morality is always glowing in the backdrop. it's to put something human on paper, and as human beings, we might aspire to total morality, but we fall short again and again. honestly, that's what being on twitter showed me more clearly than anything.

[idreamofplaid]

Bigger Dreams

Square Filled: Photgrapher!Jensen for @spnchristmasbingo & Pregnancy for @spnfluffbingo

Characters: Jensen x Reader 

Rating: Teen

Summary: Sometimes dreams can change, and sometimes they can work out even more beautifully than you imagined.

Word Count: 2174

Created for @spnchristmasbingo & @spnfluffbingo

He would be home soon, and you’d be waiting for him by the door, well near it at least, with a cup of hot coffee spiked with Irish Cream. The barometer outside had dropped, just a little more and snow for Christmas was a possibility. The warmth in the cup would drive the chill out of him and put him in a better mood.

You heard Jensen’s key in the lock right on schedule. He always hurried home as soon as he could. Your relationship was still new, and you couldn’t get enough of each other. He smiled as soon as he saw you, closed the door, and crossed your tiny living room to join you on the sofa.

As he sat down, you held out his cup of coffee. He took it from you, letting his fingertips brush over yours as he did. “How was it today?” You started to massage his shoulders, working out the stress induced kinks there while you waited for his answer.

Jensen relaxed under your touch. “Three screamers, two criers, and one runner,” he answered, rolling his neck and making a contented sound. It was working; he was feeling better and letting the tension of the day fall away. 

You stopped massaging and let your hands rest on his shoulders. “I’m sorry, babe.” Jensen considered photography an art, his chosen artform; but it was hard to make a living as an artist. Until he was able to do that, he made a living in the much more lucrative world of family photography; and the holidays were the busiest time of year in that line of work. It seemed nearly every parent in the city decided it was necessary to dress their kids up in red velvet and have professional photographs made.

You could understand why they would want to do that, much better now. Absentmindedly, you ran your hand over your stomach. Jensen never said much about the kids he took pictures of, except how much he hated it. They wouldn’t sit still, wouldn’t smile, and the worst was when siblings started fighting. That could really “fuck up a schedule,” and the frequent result was an unhappy client with some expensive pictures of red faced kids.

It made what you needed to tell him that much harder. This pregnancy wasn’t planned, instead it was the result of a night of too many tequila shots that made the two of you careless, but from the first moment the doctor had verified there was a baby growing inside you; you’d loved your child. It was an instant and all consuming love. Problem was, you had no idea how Jensen felt about being a parent or how he was going to react.

The only time you’d ever talked about children was when he told you about the kids he worked with, and those conversations weren’t favorable. Maybe it’d be better to give him a chance to shower and change clothes. You could feed him and then tell him. 

Several minutes later, Jensen was wearing his favorite henley and a pair of jeans. You were putting the last of the dishes on the table as he walked up behind you and circled his hands around your waist. He kissed the side of your neck, then raised his head and scanned the table. “You outdid yourself tonight, babe.”

Jensen sat down and took another look at the spread in front of him. All his favorites were there. “When did you find time to do all this? Didn’t you have two auditions today?”

You hadn’t expected the conversation to take this kind of turn. Lying to him wasn’t an option. You just weren’t going to do that, but you had been hoping for more time to lead up to what you were going to say. Your finger played with the edge of your plate. “I did, but I cancelled them.” The roles you had planned on auditioning for weren’t for pregnant women.

Jensen stopped spooning potatoes onto his plate. “What is it, baby? Are you feeling okay?” Normally, nothing would cause you to miss an audition. Your desire to be an actress had been similarly as strong as Jensen’s was to make art through his photography. 

You moved your finger from your plate, opting to fiddle with the napkin on your lap instead. You smiled weakly at him. “I’m fine, Jensen. It’s just those parts aren’t right for me.” 

“What changed your mind, sweetheart? You were so excited about those auditions.” He looked down at your almost empty plate; morning sickness had started to set in. “Are you sick, Y/N?”

You paused for a second. “No, Jensen. I’m not sick.” Why was it so hard to say this? So many thoughts were swirling through your head. He had plans for his career, and you’d had plans for a career as well. Finding out you were going to be a mother immediately changed that for you, and you were happy to change your way of thinking. Visions of baby booties were now dancing through your head, and you were mentally making plans of how you wanted your baby’s nursery to look. 

Jensen’s eyes reflected the various colors of green like a prism, and those beautiful eyes now filled with concern. It was time to tell him the truth. “Jensen, I…” You stopped, took a breath, and tried again. “I know we haven’t talked about this, and I wasn’t trying. Jensen, I wasn’t. I promise I wasn’t.” Tears started to roll down your cheeks. 

He got up, walked around the table, and kneeled beside you. “Y/N, honey, what’s wrong? What are you talking about? Talk to me.” He reached for your hand and took it into his. 

You loved Jensen’s hands. They were broad and strong. Whenever he touched you, held you, it never failed to make you feel cherished and safe. This time was no different. 

With his other hand, Jensen reached up and brushed your cheek with his knuckles. He wiped away your tears as he did, and the words bubbled up past the knot in your throat. “Jensen, I’m pregnant.”

It took a couple of seconds for recognition to register in his mind. “A baby?” His eyes fell to your stomach, and his hand started to move toward it before he stopped it in mid air. Jensen looked to you, a softness now filling his eyes. “Can I?”

You took his hand and led it to your belly. “Of course you can.” 

His hand was warm, and even though he couldn’t feel anything at this point, Jensen’s eyes grew a little wider. “We’re having a baby?”

You didn’t let go of his hand, and Jensen made no effort to move it. You focused on his hand beneath yours and drew strength from it. “I want this baby, Jensen. I know you have so many plans, and this wasn’t one of them.”

The strength you had been feeling just a few moments earlier ebbed and faded away. You felt a fresh wave of emotions wash through you, and the tears started to flow again. “I don’t want to ruin your life and mess up everything you wanted. I’m sorry.”

Jensen wiped away more of your tears, but they were coming almost faster than he could brush them from your face. “Sweetheart, it’s okay. I want this baby too. This is incredible, Y/N.” He took you into his arms. It felt safe; he made you feel wanted, you and the baby. Or, was that just all in your mind because it was what you wanted to believe? Jensen stroked your hair for several minutes; not saying anything, just repeating the soothing motion of his hand over your hair.

Your tears turned into full blown sobs; the pregnancy hormones were already reeking havoc with your body. “You don’t like kids. You never said you wanted any.”

You were starting to sniffle and trying so hard to stop crying. You’d done this to yourself. You took the napkin Jensen handed you and tried to daintily blow your nose.

“Y/N, sweetheart, why do you think I don’t like kids?” One of his hands was resting on your knee and the other was cupping your cheek.

“B...because they stress you out so much. You come home from work tense and miserable most days” You clutched the used napkin tightly in your hand. 

Your eyes were still filled with tears, blurring his handsome face, but you could hear him clearly. “I like kids, Y/N. It’s just those kids I work with are unhappy because they don’t want to be there. They don’t want to wear the fancy, itchy clothes, and they don’t want to sit still. They want to run and play and laugh. Just be kids. I don’t want to be there either. Photography is art to me, not taking glorified snapshots. I want to take pictures that will hang in galleries, maybe even a museum one day.” 

His eyes focused on yours, and his voice grew gentle. “It doesn’t mean I don’t like kids. It means I’m frustrated with where my career is right now.” He smiled at you, and his eyes took on that reflective dreamy quality that had shown you the depths of this man and made you fall in love with him. “I knew I wanted to have kids with you almost immediately. I’ve never known a kinder person.You are going to be the most amazing mother. Our baby is the luckiest kid in the world. You’ll teach our baby to be a good person just like you.”

 He touched his lips to yours, kissing you in a way that was clearly beyond chaste, but it didn’t seek anything more than what you gave him in that kiss. When he pulled away, the glimmer of a tear was shining in his eye too. 

“I’ve got an idea,” he said excitedly as he stood. He came back with his camera in his hand. “Will you let me take your picture?”

“Jensen, I’m a mess.” You smoothed your hands over your hair, but that wasn’t going to help your tear stained face. 

“I’ll focus on your stomach this time.” He leaned in to kiss you again. “I want to capture every part of how beautiful you are through this whole process.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Next December

It was the most festive and happiest of nights. One year ago, on this very day, you’d told Jensen you were pregnant. Now, you were holding your precious little daughter in your arms at her daddy’s first gallery opening. You watched him across the room, networking, making the contacts he would need to ensure he was never stuck in a job ever again that didn’t bring him happiness.

Jensen left the group he was talking with, walked over to you, and took Leigh from you. The way he smiled at her was like nothing you’d ever seen. “How’s daddy’s little angel?” He turned his attention to you, kissing your cheek. “Mommy looks gorgeous.”

You lowered your head. “Jensen.” He was making you blush like a schoolgirl, or maybe it was the pictures of you all over the room in various stages of your pregnancy. He had named the collection “The Blossoming of a Mother”. If you didn’t know you were the subject of those photographs, didn’t remember posing for him while he took them, or the way he’d made love to you after every single one of those photo sessions; you’d never believe they were pictures of you. You’d never known you could look like that. 

Jensen held Leigh in the bend of his arm, took your hand, and led you to one of the photographs. You were dressed only in a blush pink silk sheet that was billowing around you, one of your hands cradling your round stomach and the other on your breast. Jensen leaned in and whispered so only you would hear, “I’m keeping that one.”

You also lowered your voice to a whisper. “How do you feel about pictures of me being on other people’s walls, being in places where anyone can see them?” It wasn’t the first time you’d talked about it, but you wanted to hear him say it again. “It doesn’t bother me because I know they’re never going to see you the way I do, never hear those beautiful sounds you make when we’re together.”

You were blushing again. “Jensen, stop.”

He smiled at you with that sexy flirtiness he possessed glinting in his eyes. “I promise that’s not what you’ll be saying later tonight.”

You watched him turn and walk back across the room to a group of potential clients. He could certainly fill out a pair of dress pants. If you weren’t careful, Leigh would have a little brother or sister soon. A smile crossed your face as you observed him showing off his daughter to the gathered crowd of people, proving to you that she was an even bigger dream for him than his art. 

Everything: @gambitwinchester @princessmisery666 @onethirstyunicorn @peridottea91 @logical-princey @emilyshurley @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @fangirlxwritesx67 @waywardbaby @atc74 @shaniquacynthia @mariekoukie6661 @tumbler-tidbits @67-chevy-baby @fandom-princess-forevermore @terrarium-jpeg @emoryhemsworth @crashdevlin @heycasbutt @jules-1999 @mrsdeannafuckingwinchester @cosicas-cuquis @sammyimpala-67 @queenoftheunderdark @dean-winchesters-bacon @mrs-meghan-winchester @timelordy-fangirl2 @sweetness47 @hobby27 @awesomesusiebstuff @kickingitwithkirk @sandlee44 @supernaturalgrandma @lonewolf471 @dawnie1988 @volleyballer519 @outcastedangel @kdfrqqg @lizette50 @sorenmarie87 @winchesterxfamilybusiness 

Dean/Jensen: @deansyahtzee @flamencodiva @deanwinchesterswitch @feelmyroarrrr @focusonspn @akshi8278 @ladywinchester1967 @sgarrett49 @wingedcatninja @coffee-obsessed-writer @adoptdontshoppets @ellewritesfix05​ @weepingwillowphoenix​

[pleasereadmeok]

Can you help me please? I'm sure you had an English translation of Matthew's interview with Style Italia (2017?) on your blog however I can't find it. Can you help? Thank you. A Goode fan x

Hi Anon - yes of course. This one right? ⬇️

It's such a great interview with some lovely personal details from Matthew. @di-elle kindly did a translation for the matthew-goode.net press archive a few years ago so that follows ⬇️. Enjoy. : -

Matthew Goode is one of the most recognizable British actors of his generation. 38 years old, tall, slender, handsome, with a face composed of classic proportions and precise features that lends itself to both modern settings and period dramas.A look that’s allowed him to dive immediately into the world of Match Point, Brideshead Revisited, The Imitation Game, and A Single Man. In the last season of Downton Abbey, he was one of the most beloved characters as Lady Mary’s husband, a role that brought him popularity with the television audience. Now he appears with Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard in Allied.Skill,talent, determination and a bit of luck (essential in this business) have made Goode a sought-after and versatile actor, without affecting his overwhelming pleasantness and playfulness onset and off that serve as useful talents as well.In the penthouse of the London hotel where he is being photographed, he strokes the oval marble bathtub sitting in the middle of the room (‘So cool!’), gets enthusiastic by touching the clothes, the collars of the shirts, and the wool of the jackets.

Do you like design?I love it, even if it is my wife who has the eye for it.In front of the mirror, in the barber’s and makeup artist’s hands, he is a bundle of energy.  He is worried about Brexit (‘What’s happened? Where are we going?’) but happy to be able to buy a house. He is a little anxious, too, about the last phone call from his bank: ‘Being an actor means  living day by day. Banks don’t like it.’

Psychologically what does it entail?During dry spells you can lose confidence and believe that you will never work again. It’s not easy.

However you are not lacking jobs. How  was working  on Allied?Movies are strange beasts. You come, you spend two days on the set, you shoot your own scenes and you go. Despite this it was electrifying as it can be a film of these proportions. There was an atmosphere of great professionalism and harmony. Brad Pitt is a great person. He welcomed me fondly, as did Marion Cotillard. I had already met them both, but they are always like that, even with those they don’t know.

Is variety important to you?It’s the essence of life, isn’t it? At the end  the face and the voice are always those and if you specialize in a genre, it’s not easy to come out of it. It’s hard for me to resist period movies, it’s a great temptation. Costumes and interiors have a very strong charm.

Your name was made for the Bond role…I’ve sabotaged myself. Barbara Broccoli  (the film producer) called me and I didn’t realize it was an audition. I thought it was just a chat. She asked me what I thought of Bond. I was honest , I told her that the way it is today doesn’t work. They need to scale down the budget, and make the character more complicated, go back to the origin from the books: a dark, difficult, incomprehensible man. At the end she said goodbye and I didn’t hear from her again. Maybe sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut.

Do you like going to movies?There’s a little bit of jealousy to overcome but generally yes. I’d like to see Tom Ford’s new movie, Nocturnal Animals. He is a genius, he has an eye like no other. A Single Man should have won more awards. Ford was born as a stylist but he is a real artist.

Are you not tempted to move to the USA?I have three children and I want them to grow up here. I don’t like to go too far away. I told my agent I don’t want to work in the US for a year.

Is Matthew Goode a good father?It depends on the days. The noise stresses me. If there are two children crying, or screaming, I panic. In those cases, my wife takes care of it.

What do you do at home?I cook. It’s less tiring than playing with a one-year-old child… I can do a little of everything: my father taught me the first recipes when I was about to start university. Over the years I have made a leap in quality, from scrambled eggs to stews.

Your best recipe?Beef and Guinness stew. Two or three parsnips, a couple of carrots, two onions, some mushrooms. Two pounds of meat, a little flour. Mix it up, then slap it in the pot. Salt, pepper, some herbs and some beer. I love it. You put it on, you go get the kids from school, and when you come back, the house smells of dinner.

The role you’ve always wanted.Sherlock Holmes. Damn it, Benedict Cumberbatch has stolen it from me! Joking aside, it’s Jeffrey Bernard in the comedy Jeffrey Bernard is Unwell, by Keith Waterhouse. Many years ago I saw Peter O’Toole in it and I’ve never forgotten. But you need to be 50 or 60 years old for it, so I’ll have to wait a little longer.

Did you want to be an actor as a child?My mother would say yes. Actually I discovered my path later in life. For a while I wanted to be an archaeologist, because my father was a geologist. One day one of my university mates went to audition for an acting school and I said: Why not, I should try it too. Finding an agent was a stroke of luck. Then the fight for survival began. It’s a slow and complicated road.

From the outside you look like someone who made it.(It may look that way) now, but like with everything when you start you are at the first step, you look up and say: I’ll never get there.

What’s your secret to overcome difficult moments?I have stopped watching the films I make. This has helped me a lot. You can’t control how they cut and edit your character. You can only control the experience, what you give and what gives to you. The result is almost insignificant. After a few years it can be fun watching yourself because you seem very young.

Do you practice sport a lot?I go to the gym in the morning, to start the day well. Twice a week I go out for lunch with my wife: and since I like to eat, and occasionally even drink, the gym is imperative. I also play golf but it takes time, it’s not an activity that fits well with a big family.

Your ideal holiday?I have fond memories of my childhood, camping with my father, the fishing rod, the green. I’d like to take my children. My wife resists for now.

What do you read?I hate to admit it, but I read very little. By the time I go to bed, I’m too tired.

A luxury?We’re planning how to sort out the house. If I could afford it I’d buy one of those enormous american washing machines with a tumble dryer.  It’s not what you’d expect from a star, is it?

[itslieutenanthawkeye]

Lucky Guy

Day 7 of Jeankasa Week: College AU

AO3

Sasha and Connie dragged him forward; they’d loaded him up on caffeine that very afternoon, picked up a set of clothes for him and tried to shave his stubble. Jean hadn’t allowed them to do the latter. The night was starting, and he already felt tired.

Final exams had worn him out, consumed all his energy for the sake of a pass, for the sake of a chance of a good job in the future, a nice home for his family. Not that he had any prospects at the moment, mind you. All he seemed to have was stress, and exhaustion nowadays.

He understood that the two dragging him to the party wanted to help him wind down, but Connie had already started taking over for his family business and Sasha had graduated culinary school a year ago. They were living the adult, independent life already.

Meanwhile Jean was stuck with physics and mathematics. At least the artistic portion part of his classes was fulfilling.

“So, where’s Niccolo?” Connie asked as they got on the tramway.

“He had to close up, but he’ll meet us at the party later.” Sasha said, taking them to the long seat at the back of the tramway. Jean sat in between the two, listening to their chatter in silence. “Aren’t you going to lighten up, Jean? You look like someone just died.”

Jean lowered his head, the repetitive rattling of the cart almost lulling him to sleep. “My will to live has died.”

“Come on, man, is it that bad since Marco left?”

“That traitor.” Jean said, with a tone of voice that spoke longing instead of anger.

Marco and he had decided to study architecture together; Jean driven by his knack for drawing, Marco driven by his desire to be by his side. A year into their university course, however, he’d gotten that scholarship to study photography in Hizuru. A great, one-in-a-lifetime opportunity that didn’t come around twice.

An opportunity that would force them to stay apart for four full years. Since neither had enough money to fly back and forth and Jean had not wanted to give up his studies in Paradis, they’d decided to remain friends. They’d been friends since the beginning, after all.

After the first months of heartbreak, Jean had realized that Marco had left him with just about enough money to pay for three months of rent. Although he couldn’t blame him, Jean had gotten the habit of cursing him lowly for the past year, whenever he was forced to balance his part time job and his ridiculous physics lessons.

“I still don’t understand why you don’t get another roommate.” Connie said, scratching the back of his ear. “Are you just holding out until a cute guy shows up at your door?”

“Or girl.” Sasha added, opening a bag of potato chips sneakily.

“Oi, Sasha,” Jean said, frowning. “We’re gonna get a fine because of you.”

“I’ll pay for it,” Sasha said, waving her hand to undermine the matter. “You guys want some? They’re new spicy ones.”

Jean reached out under her jacket and took a few chips into his mouth. “I take it the restaurant is doing well? With you being okay for paying fines, I mean.”

“Niccolo said that breakfast menu I came out with put us on top. If we keep it up, in about two years we’ll be able to set our next location,” she said proudly, her mouth also half full of chips. She gave Jean a significant look. “We’ll need an architect for the place. And someone here will be almost finished with uni.”

He smiled. “Thanks. I’ll make sure to remind you.”

“You know you can ask for money, right, Jean?” Connie said, resting his back against the seat. “You don’t need to work yourself to death when you’ve got us.”

Another lazy smile came to his face. “I don’t want to be a burden to you guys.”

“You’re more of a burden when you don’t come with us to these things,” Connie said. “First, you missed all barbecue nights at Niccolo and Sasha’s. And now you didn’t want to come, and you know Reiner throws the best parties. His little cousin took down that Galliard guy the last time.”

“Isn’t she a kid?” Jean blurted out.

“She likes to sneak in to get in fights with the college kids.” Connie explained, laughing. “I think she’s been in martial arts since five or something.”

“Now that’s a surprise,” Sasha said, elbowing Connie as the tramway arrived at its next station. Jean looked at the person getting on and his breath caught. Wearing a corseted black dress, her hair up in a high ponytail and wearing a choker around her elegant neck, Mikasa Ackerman stood out as a comet across a blue sky.

“I didn’t think she’d come tonight,” Connie said. “You know, considering Eren.”

“What happened with Eren?” Jean asked.

“Don’t you check her feed?” Connie asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “You know, since you had that huge crush on her in high school and whatnot.”

“I’ve been busy.” Jean said, too tired to try and deny that crush he’d had on her in their school days, the crush that had always irked Marco somehow. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m too busy to be concerned about other people’s drama.”

“They broke up,” Connie said in a gossipy tone, as if Jean hadn’t just snapped at him. “Around six months ago. He skipped town. Didn’t want to be tied down or something, wanted to be free as birds or whatever. He’s backpacking in the continent, I think.”

Jean sat straighter on his seat. That dick. That stupid, nihilistic piece of shit. “Why didn’t you guys tell me? Isn’t Sasha her best friend?”

“Because you disappeared the whole semester, man. That’s why I told you to ask for money instead of working yourself to death,” Connie said, shaking him by the shoulder. “You miss out on parties and gossip.”

“Stop it. She’ll hear you,” Sasha said, lifting her arm to wave at Mikasa. “Hey! Mikasa, over here! Come sit with us!”

Jean felt heat in his cheeks. “Sasha, don’t. She’ll come.”

“That’s what I want.”

“I can’t talk when she looks this pretty.”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Stop being an idiot, Jean.”

Mikasa’s eyes caught sight of them and she made her way to their seat, not bothering to hold onto anything to keep her balance as the tramway moved forward. They had known each other from high school and little things had changed about the way she moved; she carried herself with the elegance of a swan, and the strength of a mountain. He remembered teasing Eren about her being the boss in their relationship during their very last year of school, when the embers of jealousy had begun to die for Jean, and chuckled lowly at the memory of the enraged response he always received.

“Hi, everyone,” she greeted them. Sasha scooted to the side, and Mikasa sat between her and Jean, close enough for him to smell her perfume. “Are you guys going to Reiner’s?”

“Best parties in Trost.” Sasha said, offering her the bag of potato chips. “Want some?”

Mikasa dipped her hand in the bag. “Aren’t you scared you’ll get a fine?”

“She says she’ll pay it,” Connie explained, reaching over Jean and Mikasa to grab more.

“Sasha,” Mikasa said sternly. “How many more fines are you going to pay?”

“She’s paid more this month?!” Jean said.

“She has. It’s getting ridiculous, she can’t go on a tramway without getting hungry…” Mikasa stopped herself from talking and settled her eyes on him, with a vague surprised expression on her lovely pale face. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’ve been busy with work.” Jean said, shrugging, hoping that she wouldn’t see the blush in his cheeks that look of her had caused. He waited a second, wondering if he should bring up that he had, in fact, seen her. “I saw you, though. Drawing, in the Maria building.”

Understanding washed over her face, and her mouth fell open. “You should’ve said hi, Jean.” She said. “It’s a huge classroom, there’s no way I could’ve seen you.”

“I’m sorry.” Jean muttered. Truth was, he hadn’t wanted her to see him in the state he’d been in two weeks ago. With his double shifts at work and his assignments for the end of the semester, Jean had resembled a walking corpse more than a human.

Mikasa was an anthropology and history major and, much like Jean himself, worked part time jobs. However, with her looks, most of her part time jobs were related to modeling. That morning at creative drawing, she’d been hired to pose for the class covered only by a thin sheet. And despite being a class full of professionals, Jean had still not wanted the girl who resembled a goddess to see him bordering a mental breakdown.

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” She asked him.

“Does it show that bad?”

Mikasa’s mouth made a perfect O in terror. “I didn’t mean to sound like that.”

Jean chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. It shows. If uni wasn’t free, I would’ve gone broke already.”

“You need to look after your health more, Jean. Have you even been eating well? If you don’t sleep and don’t eat well, you’re just going to burn out,” Mikasa said, then froze, grabbing the hand that was going to reach out to him. “I’m sorry. I just sounded like a mother there.”

“You’re right, though.” Jean replied, smiling at her. “I haven’t been eating well. With work—”

“Is that why you haven’t been to any of the barbecues?”

“You went?”

Mikasa nodded. “We missed you.”

Jean’s head came up with a thousand names to call himself in that moment. He missed his friends enough during the semesters without the knowledge that she’d been hanging out with them at barbecue night. “I’ll make it next time.” He managed to say. “Did Armin go?”

“He’s been busy with moving in with Annie.” Mikasa said, sighing. “I don’t think I’d talk to anyone outside work if it wasn’t for Sasha and Mina.”

“Wait, Armin moved out too?” Jean asked, growing concerned. “Did those two just up and left you alone in that huge apartment?”

“Armin left me some money to pay a couple more months’ worth of rent.” Mikasa said, almost apologizing in Armin’s behalf. Jean’s fists clenched automatically; he’d seen how smitten he was with that marleyan girl, but leaving Mikasa alone to pay for that huge apartment by herself…

“Besides, I insisted,” Mikasa added with a low voice. “I didn’t want him to wallow in self pity with me when he has a perfectly lovely girlfriend.”

Jean sighed tiredly. He should’ve known. Even heart broken, Mikasa cared more about her friend’s happiness than her own economic safety. In a way, it was something that made her all the more charming in his eyes.

“Hey, are you two going to ignore us all the way there?” Connie asked, slapping the back of Jean’s head. “Why did you have to sit in between us if you’re just gonna talk to each other?”

“He’s right,” Sasha said, shaking Mikasa by the shoulder. “Mikasa, pay attention to your best friend now! She brought chips for you!”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes in Sasha’s direction. “Since when do you carry food for anyone but yourself, Braus?”

Sasha’s face contracted into a miserable expression, and she threw herself over Mikasa, hugging her while kissing her head. “Not the last name treatment, Mikasa!”

Maybe a few years ago, Mikasa would’ve thrown Sasha back onto her seat. This time, however, she limited herself to exchange an amused look with him and Connie, patting Sasha’s head in a conciliatory manner. “Alright, alright. Control yourself,” she told Sasha. “Don’t you have a boyfriend? What will Niccolo say if he sees you hugging a woman like this?”

“He’ll probably think we look hot.” Sasha replied innocently.

“What a perv.”

“Mikasa!”

_________________

The tramway took them to the west end of Trost, where high skyscrapers and fancy apartment buildings rose into the sky. The elevator took them a whole thirty floors up to Reine’rs apartment. As soon as they walked in, Jean stared at the ceramic floors, the balcony with its hot tub and view of the distant mountains in the island. When Reiner came to greet them with a hug for each, Jean held him by the shoulders.

“When did you get this rich?” He asked, baffled. How had everyone gotten rich so quick before him?

“My mother and I won the alimony trial last month,” Reiner laughed, hugging him again to then make a wide gesture with his arms at the people in the room. From the way he moved, Jean guessed he was already drunk. “Nineteen years’ worth of unpaid alimony, all paid in full!”

The crowd cheered, raising their beer bottles in the air to celebrate his makeshift toast. “Galliard, Pieck!” Reiner said, stumbling back into the crowd, being caught by the two exchange Marleyan students. “Get the karaoke machine going!”

Sasha and Connie dived into the party in full, going over to Mina, who had her hands full while pouring two bottles of vodka into a large crystal bowl filled with fruits and juice. Jean rubbed his temple; getting drunk wasn’t on his list of priorities, not with so little sleep in his system.

He turned to look at his right, realizing Mikasa stood by the door, watching the crowd move around Reiner’s apartment with apprehension. He took a couple of steps in her direction, leaning against the wall with his hands crossed over his chest, perhaps in a subconscious attempt to appear nonchalant. “See anyone you know?” He asked.

“Too many people.” She muttered in response, rubbing her arms. “Sasha said this was going to be like the barbecue.”

One would think that with her looks and strength, Mikasa would be a little more popular. She’d been an introvert since secondary school, shielded behind the personalities of her two childhood friends. And despite that a few people had managed to break through the cold outer layer of her personality (like Sasha, who’s might as well have gone through it with a war hammer) it always seemed to Jean that there as hidden sadness behind her eyes, a brake of sorts that didn’t allow her to express herself to the fullest.

“Let’s go to the balcony,” she said, pulling his sleeve. “Bring beers.”

Jean almost -almost- felt bad for Reiner’s father as they walked along the balcony. Trost had skyscrapers aplenty, but very few had a perfect look of the suburbs and mountains, and very few had an infinity pool with a hot tub included. The place must’ve costed a fortune. He could almost see his own neighborhood from this height.

They found a set of unoccupied pillowed seats at the corner, far from Reiner’s infinity pool, and sat there to watch the city in silence.

“I live there,” Mikasa said after a while, pointing south to a cluster of colorful buildings. “It’s the big tall one, with the red lights.”

“Ah, party town,” Jean said. He and Marco had tried to find a place there, but the rent had been astronomical, given its strategic location near the universities and clubs. “Was it a big change from the suburbs? That’s where you grew up in, right?”

“It was a huge change from my uncle’s house,” she said, her eyes set on the red building, amused at some memory Jean wasn’t aware of. “He was grossed out when he visited last year.”

“College neighborhood isn’t for him?”

“He said it was too dirty,” Mikasa said, sighing. “Although I’m sure he was terrified at the number of teenagers that threw themselves at him. He said I was to visit him from now on.”

Jean giggled at that. “Girls threw themselves at Levi?”

“Apparently he’s got something that makes university students go crazy.” Mikasa said, making a disgusted noise. Jean laughed again; Levi had been their teacher in middle school. How any college girl found him so appealing, he didn’t understand.

“Well, at least you can have fun in that neighborhood.” Jean said.

Mikasa made another disgusted noise. “I was only there because Eren suggested it. It was too loud for my liking. Too many creeps on the streets. And the rent is too high.”

“How did you guys manage to afford that? I mean, Eren and Armin aren’t precisely rich,” Jean said, covering his mouth as soon as he realized what he’d blurted out. “I’m sorry, Mikasa! I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay,” Mikasa said, shaking her head in amusement. “Eren’s brother paid for most of the rent. He works in Marley and sent him money.”

She finished with a sigh, setting her eyes on the floor for a second before taking a sip of her beer. When she turned to look at him, Jean recognized annoyance in her eyes. “Now that he’s gone, Zeke stopped paying for that big chunk of the rent.”

“And Armin moved in with Annie,” Jean finished saying.

“And I’m in that huge place all by myself,” Mikasa said, taking another sip from her bottle. “Scraping my bank account to pay utilities, taking any modeling job that comes up besides working at Sasha’s restaurant, two months behind on rent.”

“Did Sasha offer you money yet?” Jean asked, recalling all the times their friend had tried to hand him checks for his rent.

Mikasa smiled. “A couple of times. But I don’t want to be a burden to her. As good as the restaurant is doing, having her own business can be tricky. One bad luck streak and she’ll be needing that money she offers me.”

“What about a roommate?”

“Nobody I know can afford rent there. I don’t want to disturb Niccolo and Sasha, and Levi has plenty on his plate. And it’s impossible to find a place this late in the year,” Mikasa said, sighing tiredly again. “Do you know how close I am to modeling underwear? A man in this shady company offered me so much money for nudes the other day—”

“Move in with me.” Jean blurted out, and his words were followed by excruciatingly long minutes. Mikasa rested her back against the seat, scrutinizing him with those perfect, serious eyes. “I don’t mean in a weird way. I mean, my rent is much less than yours must be. But ever since Marco left, it’s been harder to afford it on my own. I could use a roommate, and all the people I’ve interviewed were weirdos.”

“Won’t Marco be angry?” Mikasa asked politely. “Won’t he be upset that a girl is living with you?”

Jean smiled. “We’re not together anymore.”

“No?” She said, looking genuinely surprised. “Why? What happened? I thought—”

“Neither wanted a long-distance relationship, or had the money to afford one,” Jean explained, surprised at the lack of pain in his words when he spoke of what had happened. Perhaps, the exhaustion throughout the year had forced his heart to get over a heartbreak quickly.

“Besides,” Jan added, arching his eyebrow in her direction. “I know for a fact that hizuran people are beautiful. I couldn’t deny him having fun over there. So, we decided to stay as friends.”

Mikasa smiled, and Jean blushed. “You’re a good friend.”

“I’m not,” Jean replied, leaning back against his seat as well. “I had no idea about you and Eren. You’re our friend since high school, and I had no idea you’d gotten your heart broken too this year. So, I’m not that good of a friend.”

Mikasa rested her hand at her sides, her pinky almost touching his, leaning back to catch sight of the night sky. “You’re in no obligation to carry anyone’s pain, Jean, let alone mine.”

“What do you mean? You’re my friend.”

“I know. We are friends,” Mikasa said quickly, as if noticing the hint of pain her previous words had caused in him. “What I mean is…I knew it was going to happen. I saw the change in Eren. I knew he wouldn’t want to stay put. He was more in love with the idea of freedom than with me. I should’ve ended it a long while ago. So, no need to carry pain that was dragged on for no purpose.”

“And you didn’t want to go with him?”

Mikasa thought about it for a moment. He could hear Reiner and that Pieck girl singing at the top of their lungs inside, as well as Connie’s laughter. And yet, all his mind was set on was her, how her eyes focused on his as she spoke every word, how a bit of lipstick had smudged on the edges of her mouth due to their drinking. Jean had always been aware of Mikasa’s beauty, but he hadn’t been truly enthralled by it in a very long time.

“I don’t think I would’ve gone,” she said at last. “I love the island. I love my home. I want to have a peaceful life here, grow old here. I like seeing new places, but I don’t want to spend my life wandering. He did.”

Jean nodded, understanding her fully. All he’d ever dreamed of was a nice house in the inner districts, alongside the wife -or husband- of his choosing.

“Besides,” Mikasa said with a quiet laugh. “He never asked me to come.”

“What a fucking idiot.”

Mikasa blinked in surprise. “I’m not mad at him, Jean. You don’t need to be in my behalf.”

“I’m not mad on your behalf,” Jean said, shaking his head, a deep crease forming between his eyebrows, feeling all of that frustration he’d had towards Eren in high school come back in full. “What kind of idiot do you have to be to break the heart of someone like you?”

“Someone like me?”

“You’re fucking amazing!” Jean said, shocked by the confusion in her face. “Mikasa, you’re gorgeous, smart, strong. You can lift a whole hundred pounds without breaking a sweat…who would want to break your heart?”

Another chuckle escaped her throat, and she gave him a look that he could only describe a sweet. “Thank you,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “My heart was breaking the whole last year we were together, though. I guess in a way, him leaving helped me heal.”

“I hope he falls into a pit.” Jean muttered, then shook his head. “No, I hope I fall into a pit, for not noticing you were hurting before.”

“You had your thing with Marco moving away,” Mikasa replied. “If anything, I was the jerk for not helping you like Connie and Sasha did. I was too focused on trying to force Eren to be happy with me.”

“Still, I should’ve helped.”

“You’re helping now,” Mikasa replied, lifting her pierced eyebrow. “You’re letting me be your roommate, aren’t you?”

Jean took a deep gulp of his beer before speaking. “So, you are taking up on my offer?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said, setting her eyes on the section of town in which he lived in. “If you take up on my offer.”

“Which is?”

“The agency wants a couple male models,” she said, elbowing him playfully. “I heard from Sasha how you’re killing yourself at that part time. This money won’t be great, I do warn you, but it will be better, and you’ll have more time to study.”

The color traveled to his cheeks yet again. “I-I’m not a model, Mikasa.”

“No need to be modest, Kirstein,” she said, scrutinizing him again, her gaze sensing a shock of electricity across him. “I saw you on that beach trip we did. You’ve got nothing to envy from the models.”

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, and Jean’s mind became a storm. Had she just told him she found him attractive? No, it couldn’t be. She’d just said he had nothing to envy from male models. But that was just a creative way to call someone hot, wasn’t it? She had no reasons to call him hot, however.

“Jean, I think—”

“Niccolo!” Sasha’s shouted drunkenly, startling the two in their seats. It wasn’t until they turned in her direction that Jean realized how close their faces had been to each other.

“Alright, alright. Do it again.” Niccolo laughed, sounding quite drunk himself. Sasha grabbed her shirt and tightened it around her waist, showing him her bloated stomach.

Niccolo giggled. “It’s adorable! It does look like you’re pregnant,” he said between snorts. “How many garlic buns did you eat back there?”

“Why are you calling your baby a garlic knot, Niccolo?!” Sasha half-laughed, half cried, only causing Niccolo to laugh harder. They were soon on the floor, struggling to catch their breath because of their laughter, and Jean was grateful for the protective mesh at the edge of the balcony.

“They’re drunk.”

“They’re high.” Mikasa said, casting a glance inside. “Ymir and Historia are here.”

“No wonder they’re high.” Jean chuckled. Historia wore a beautiful pink dress, looking as happy as ever with Ymir’s hands around her waist. Ymir, as always, wore a dark suit. As always, she was more focused on kissing Historia’s neck than the conversation around her. They’d been inseparable since their wedding, and from the sparkling necklace around Historia’s neck, Jean supposed their business was growing well.

Mikasa grabbed his sleeve. “Do you want to go get some?”

“You smoke that stuff?” Jean asked, wondering when he’d smoked anything last.

“Not really.” Mikasa admitted, looking at Sasha laughing on the floor while placing a thousand drunken kisses on Niccolo’s forehead. “It looks like they’re having fun, though.”

“We could do it to celebrate,” Jean said, shrugging. “You know, each of just found a good roommate and we might not be as broke from now on.”

“You are sure about the roommate matter?” Mikasa asked, frowning. “You’ll have to take a few visits from my uncle.”

“I’ll cope.” Jean said, looking at Niccolo and Sasha. “Are you sure? What if Eren returns and gets mad?”

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “He can get as mad as he wants. I won’t care.” She said, and from her tone of voice , Jean knew she was done talking about Eren for the time being. She looked more annoyed at the inconveniences that Eren had caused her than heart broken. Perhaps, the exhaustion had forced her to get over a heartbreak quick, as well.

Jean offered her his hand. “Shall we, my lady?”

“You’re still an idiot,” Mikasa said, intertwining her arm with his. “Thank you, by the way.”

“No, thank you,” he said, using his other hand to take their bottles. He offered one to her and lifted his own. “Toast? For roommates?”

“For roommates.” Mikasa said. Their bottles clang together, their sound foretelling a change of wind for the two, perhaps.

______________________

Gabi walked along the bookstore holding onto Falco’s arm. She and her mother spent summers with her cousin Reiner in the island. And despite this being her fifth year visiting him and despite the luxuries of his apartment, she missed him terribly each time she left. So, she clung to him before and after her journeys, enjoying their time together as if it were a treasure.

“Want to get an ice cream afterwards?” He asked.

“The place by the zeppelin museum?” Falco nodded in response, and Gabi smiled widely. “Alright, then. But it’s my treat this time.”

“Let me buy the comic books this time, at least,” he said, pulling out a book with a few giants on the cover. “This looks good, doesn’t it?”

Gabi frowned at the sight of the naked giants. “I hate historical fiction.”

“It’s not like titans were real, Gabi,” Falco said, running through the pages. “This is mostly political-oriented. See? They even consulted a historian from Paradis to write it.”

“Hey, I know her!” Gabi said excitedly, looking at the picture of the main consultant from the work. “She’s the head of the anthropology museum at the island. She’s Reiner’s friend.”

“Is she?” Falco said, his eyes wide as he stared at the picture of Mikasa, who wore a fancy pantsuit and had her hair up in a ponytail. Unlike at the parties, her make up in this was formal, no bright pink lipstick, no dark eyeshadow. “She’s really pretty, isn’t she?”

“Falco!” Gabi said, then took a second look at the picture. “You’re right, she’s really pretty. Her husband is a lucky guy. He always says it himself.”

“Oh, she’s married?”

“Yeah, she married a friend of hers, I think. It was a late spring wedding, so I didn’t get to go. They’ve got a baby on the way and everything,” Gabi said, scrunching up her nose. “He’s friends with Reiner too, but I can’t recall the guy’s name.”

“Gabi, you see those people every summer,” Falco said, his kind face showing a slight hint of repeoach. “You should at least learn their names.”

“Reiner has way too many friends for me to remember,” Gabi replied, not wanting to admit that she did need to be a little more polite to them. “I do remember he had a bit of a horse face.”

“A horse face?” Falco said, horrified. “This woman here married a guy with a horse face?”

Gabi smiled amusedly. “She seemed quite smitten by him. Every time I go and they’re there, they’re always all lovey dovey. Kissing, hugging, they can’t keep their hands off each other,” she said, tilting her head to the side with a flirty smile. “Besides, it was just a nickname. The man is handsome, and taller than most guys, too.”

“Gabi, don’t talk so kindly about married men.” Falco said, closing the magazine with his cheeks flushed. Although his expression caused her own smile to grow wider.

“Are you jealous?” She teased, then placed a fleeting peck on his lips. “You’re way more handsome than horse face. And, you still have more years to grow. I’m sure that you’ll be taller than him by when we get married.”

“Gabi!” Falco said, flushing harder.

[dukeofonions]

Sensing a pattern thanks to the critical fans' asks... I'm a professional producer who's attempted on numerous occasions (unsuccessfully) to secure Thomas for a part in a Broadway-bound musical. TL;DR: How he and his team -- not just friends, but "pros" -- "run their railroad" confuses the hell out of us, and is probably the biggest obstacle to his getting anywhere besides YouTube. Frankly, we now wonder if this is by design and not just typical lack of experience winning the race, as it were...

(Sorry it took so long to respond work has been killing me the past few days.)

Longer Version (1/?): We've been working on this musical for just over a decade, and after we discovered Thomas's long-form content and the singles he's released, we thought he was a good fit for it. Without going into detail, the show's always been kind of a long shot, for many reasons, but we (still) think it'd be a great showcase for his brand of talent. So we decided to approach him and to gauge his interest, since he'd discussed Broadway dreams before. And there, our troubles began...

(2/?) So, five years ago, we approached Thomas through his then-management, Reboot the People, a company that managed a *lot* of content creators back then. (Their remains still exist on Twitter @RTPfamily.) They may have been a little out of their depth when they heard our pitch, and wisely looped in his agent at the time, Ty Flynn at UTA, from whom we heard... nothing. Okay, maybe it wasn't his thing; we had other projects to pursue and we moved on but... we still kept an eye on his content.

(4/?) When we returned to the project a couple years later, Thomas was still a favorite for the part for which we had him in mind, and building a much bigger audience than before, so we decided to reach out again. The business fawsterdog email address, as I'm sure fans have discovered by now, is useless. No one there ever got back to us. More than that, when we tried to learn who was managing him now (at times pleading on Twitter and during streams for info), we kept hitting dead ends.

(5/?) We finally managed to obtain a lead when we watched the "NO ADDED SUGAR for a MONTH!" video, and someone described as Thomas's manager actually appeared on camera, Matt Hogen, the president of Direct Artist Management. Further Googling revealed Matt had apparently been his manager as far back as 2013, way earlier than we'd been directed to Reboot The People for business inquiries. To say this runaround was confusing as hell, *even for show business*, is the understatement to end them all!!!

(6/6) At that point, after all that confusion, we just gave up!! If we have to chase someone's representation to the ends of the earth, only to find out there was one person we should have been talking to the whole time, it's probably more convoluted behind the scenes, and we don't need that extra stress in our lives. Watching the recent storms unfold, and wondering how true to life the "Putting Others First" video is, we can only assume he likes the *idea* of career more than really having one...

(I lied, 7/7) Bottom line: he presents a picture of unreliability and a lack of professionalism both to his fans and to industry people, and -- assuming there's *any* autobiographical truth to Sanders Sides content -- it may be because he's deliberately not taking this seriously. If losing out on big opportunities is the price he pays for keeping his mental health and well being in check, that's fine. But it's not how you succeed in this business... in any business, really. I wish him the best...

Wow, that is a lot.

Well for starters (and I hope you don't take this the wrong way) I am the tiniest bit skeptical about this story being true. I mean I can definitely see it happening giving Thomas and the team's track record, but there are just a few things that make me hesitate.

For one thing I'm surprised that a professional producer found their way onto my blog (which I try to keep out of the open) and took the time to read through some asks then send an ask of their own. Not that it's impossible of course, because here you are. But you know anyone can claim to be anyone so I hope you don't mind my skepticism here.

And admittedly I'm not entirely sure how the producing world works along with agents, especially when it comes to getting someone cast for your show. I can't see Thomas turning an opportunity down like that unless he just wasn't interested or never knew about it.

Which, honestly, if you did try getting into contact with his agent and he was told about it and wasn't interested then ya know, the least they could do was tell you so you could start looking for someone else.

I did also find the Twitter account for Reboot The People and yeah, it's long since abandoned and I'm wondering how you even got directed there in the first place when he had a manager already (if I'm understanding the time line right)

I do kinda question the whole asking for answers in streams bit (since Thomas rarely if ever does public live streams and I don't think he did much back then the only streams he does consistently now are for patreons) and he never leaves them up anyway so it's not like I could go back and look through the chats (not that I would because I ain't got time for that) but again, it's not impossible for that to have happened. Just a tiny detail my brain got hooked on.

Even if I'm still somewhat doubtful about your story (again please don't take it the wrong way I just like to be sure before I 100% believe something) I do agree about Thomas and the team's lack of professionalism, just look at the Story Time Madlibs situation, and they continue to make decisions (especially within the patreon) that just continue to baffle me.

I mean at the end of the day no one knows what's going on behind the scenes. And as it stands Thomas has found enough success with YouTube where he's stable enough to make it his full time job and can go months or even a year without posting a video.

But he even brings this point up in one of his Sanders Sides videos that YouTube isn't a stable job, and you never know when everything can suddenly flip and before ya know it the job ain't as stable anymore, and at that point you've gotta have some kinda back up plan for if things go south.

Because eventually (and I've already seen it happening) people will just get bored without new content or just grow out of it and they'll move on. Even if they've got nothing against the creator, that's just what happens. Some will stick around but even then no one's bound to last forever. Especially when there's always new stuff to be found.

But hey, he's good where he's at for now so I guess one might as well enjoy it while they can. I would like to see him succeed in actually securing a bigger role (whether in a film, Broadway, or even a TV show) because I think he'd do really well and he has been contacted by Disney before to be in one of their shows so who knows?

[heart-forge]

Hi, do you ever get sad or lose confidence in your writing? Sorry if this is a bit depressing. I really enjoy your writing and I'm having a crisis over my own. Hope you're having a great day.

Oh absolutely. Oh for sure. And it’s a little trite to say “everyone feels that way” but it’s the nature of humans that I am constantly telling my beloved friends that their work is fantastic and even on bad days if there’s anything wrong with it, it’s clearly because they’re working through a brain fog so thick with agony from the struggle associated with being alive (to say nothing of the year of pandemic, uncertain and constantly moving goal posts associated with literally any professional work, and historic job insecurity) that it’s just something that happened to slip through the cracks and is by no means a reflection of them as a creator...

...but you know, when we ourselves do it it’s actually bad and realtime proof that all our illusions of progress and hard earned skill are finally disappating into the smoke that they are, revealing us nakedly in the light as frauds.

One thing I associate with myself a lot is the fear that my work is like. Good enough, you know, as in it’s not anyone’s favourite but it’ll do in a pinch, or that it’s secretly super cringe content that people consume in private but isn’t fit to really hang my hat on as art I have made. Or, that I’m slowly disappointing people: that the quality of every chapter is slowly falling, and that people will eventually lose interest altogether as chapters slowly become meandering, boring, and totally nonsensical.

One important thing to remember is that like, obviously that isn’t true, but also that the most bullheaded and stubborn way we have to deal with this lie is to keep making things anyway. I put chapters out when they’re done even if I’m self-conscious about them, because I’m self-conscious about them due to my impossible standards for myself and nobody else and that’s no reason to torment myself.

I think another thing we have to just kind of settle into is the idea that making things just feels kinda bad sometimes? It feels good enough that you keep going but also like...sometimes we just feel bad, as people, through no fault of our own with no real solution other than to work through it. That’s kind of the point of self-care, no? Sometimes we just feel bad and it’s more useful for us to understand that a shower and some ice cream will make us feel better than it is to try and reckon with the philosophical concepts of art and perfection and how they intersect with capitalism to destroy our self worth.

Also a very good not-so-secret-secret that @leylses articulated to me [time] ago, is that if it feels really bad and you’re constantly in a foggy miserable muck..........................stop doing it. You don’t have to stop forever and it’s not a failure on your part, but why keep forcing yourself to walk on a broken leg? Lemme find the TikTok....

This one from ghosthoney on TikTok !! This is actually a Twitter link but that’s the only place I could find the video RIP but anyway there’s captions on the video but the gist and most important takeaway is when he says “if you’re an artist you’re always going to be an artist and no amount of time you spend away from creating is ever going to change that”. 

You can just....not do a thing if it’s making you miserable, and I’ve met a lot of professionals (and have friends who have met professionals) where it’s definitely been a case of babe, the solution to your problem is to take a break. Not like an hour or a weekend or that thing where you take a week but you’re just counting down to when you have to get back to it......if you’re like PEAK miserable all the time, stop walking in your broken leg. Artists need to consume content too so rather than worry about quality and quantity, do what you gotta do. Whether that thing is powering through, treating yourself kindly, or being like “actually fuck this” and playing video games instead.

[aphrodite1288]

Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁🏻‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

[solarune]

between the lines

Anonymous said: can I req an imagine with johnny where your their songwriter and he catches feelings for you? 🥺  thank you!

pairing: johnny seo x fem!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: swearing, hyuck is annoying as always

word count: 1,947

a/n: i’m going to consider this my official “i’m back!” post since it’s been a while since i’ve written. for anyone who cares, yes i will still be uploading my summer fic that’s literally a month late lol don’t worry. life happens, what can i say. i think this is my first request that i’ve gotten so thank you to this anon for sending this in, i hope you like it :-) also dedicating this to @127-mile​ who i, for some reason, always associate w johnny even though i know that ten is your ult. surprise, i’m your 💚 anon!!

Has that painting always been there? I don’t think I remember it- Wait, why am I trying to think of something else, it’s not like he can read my mind. 

Your shoulders sag.

Wait. Can he?

You stare at Johnny as he talks to the producer beside you, looking for the slightest hint that he’s capable of reading minds.

If you can hear me, look at me right now.

When he doesn’t look up at you, you let out a breath that you didn’t even realize that you were holding. You definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle it if Johnny was capable of reading your mind. It’s already driving you crazy that this is the fifth time that you had to break eye contact with him while he was singing one of your more romantic lyrics. You’re not sure if it’s the exhaustion that you’re feeling from how late it is or your overthinking brain but you swear he does it every single time, and your heart feels like it’s about to beat right out of your chest when he looks at you.

“(Y/N)?” Jaehyun calls out, pulling you out of your internal existential crisis. “What do you think? You’re the songwriter after all. How did you want it to sound?”

Your mouth opens and closes as you struggle to find the right words while also avoiding Johnny’s gaze on you. You grab the lyric sheet from the table beside you—not that you actually need it, you just want to have something to do with your hands—and look down at it. “Can you guys sing it one more time?”

You force yourself to not look up, even when you feel the man’s stare on you once more, instead acting like you’re reading along with the lyrics while they’re singing. The way that they’re singing is wrong, the hours that you spent writing this song already telling you that, but you pretend to be contemplating just to give yourself a few moments to breathe before putting on your professional persona. You have no time to be acting like a teenager with a crush when you have a job to do. 

“Try singing a bit softer,” you suggest as you finally look up at the two idols. “Imagine you’re saying this to someone who’s sitting right in front of you.” Your eyes flicker to Johnny for a brief second before looking back down at the paper in your hands. “So you shouldn’t be belting the lyrics out because you’re not yelling this to them. Your voices should be… full of fondness rather than happiness, if that makes sense. I can’t really think of any examples that you might be able to relate to.”

“Like you’ve known them for years and they just did something really cute that you can’t help but smile at,” Johnny says, and you nod along quickly.

“Exactly like that,” you agree. “This song should bring out feelings of contentment, warmth, and stability. It’s about a timeless love so you shouldn’t sound like you're bouncing off the walls because you just told that person about your feelings and they reciprocate them.”

“Warmth,” Johnny repeats softly, and when you look over at him, he’s smiling at you in the exact way that he had just described moments before. Like everything you do is just completely endearing to him. 

You blink and the expression is gone, and before you can even begin to comprehend what just happened, the producer is already ushering the two into the recording booth. Your eyes follow Johnny’s every move, watching the way he puts the headphones on, the curve of his lips as he laughs at something Jaehyun says, and the way his fingers nervously tap at the music sheet stand.

“Okay is it just me or did Johnny just give you the look?” someone asks loudly in your ear, causing you to jump in your seat and the other producing staff to glare and shush the boy beside you. You turn around to see Mark with his knees bent so he could speak into your ear, a blush on his face for being scolded while Haechan snickers from his spot on the couch.

“A look?” you ask, not quite sure at what Mark is trying to get at. “What look?”

“No, not a look,” he shakes his head, a few strands of his unstyled hair moving out of place as he does so. “The look. The Look, you know?”

You stare at him in the hopes that you would magically understand what Mark is trying to tell you and he stares back, as if trying to connect with you telepathically. It doesn’t work. You shrug and wave your hands in the air, encouraging him to go on.

“You know,” Mark mumbles as he scratches at the back of his neck. You would think it was Mark that was caught staring from how shy he’s suddenly become. “He was staring at you and smiling at you… and stuff.”

“Oh my God, it’s even more confusing when you try to explain what you mean,” Haechan groans in exasperation. The youngest sits up straight and looks at you pointedly, and even though you’re older than him, you feel like you’re about to get scolded. “Johnny’s into you, (Y/N). Broke his promise of No Simp September because that man simps hard for you, he literally doesn’t shut up about it. So please either accept or reject him soon because I’m tired of hearing him talk about your ‘eyes that hold all of the universe’s stars in them’ - his words not mine.”

“Thank you for clarifying,” you respond drily before spinning around in your chair and scooting closer to the sound board. 

You cross your arms over your chest, and any outsider looking at you would think that you’re some hard-at-work songwriter observing the artists to make sure that they don’t mess up. In reality, you’re having yet another existential crisis because Johnny likes you? Johnny Seo, the man that you’ve had a crush on literally since you were first hired at SM Entertainment years ago to become one of NCT’s main songwriters, has a crush on you? You didn’t want to get your hopes up but Mark and Haechan’s words only seem to confirm your previous suspicions that Johnny was indeed staring at you before. 

You let your mind wander as you only half pay attention to what’s going on around you, not even noticing that everyone has decided to take a break until Haechan is shutting the door behind him and you’re the last person left in the studio. Or at least, you think you are until you turn around and see Johnny lying on the couch that the youngest was just previously occupying.

“What are you still doing here?” you ask him as you stand up to stretch out your limbs with a soft sigh. “I thought you would’ve been one of the first ones out so you could get some coffee with Jaehyun.”

“Well I wanted to talk to you about something,” Johnny says while rubbing at the back of his neck, and you have to stop your eyes from widening because this cannot be happening right now.

“A-About what?” you stammer, and it’s taking everything in you to not burst out the door and run all the way back home just to avoid the specific scene that’s been playing over and over in your head every single week before you fall asleep. “Are you worried about the song still? I think you guys did great this time around.”

“No, it’s not about that,” he says with a shake of his head. “I wanted to talk about the lyrics to your song. You told us to imagine saying this to someone sitting right in front of you when we’re singing this. Is there someone you were thinking of when you were writing the song?”

You really wish that the ground would swallow you up right now. 

What the fuck are you supposed to say to that? Oh yeah, I was thinking about you actually, haha funny right? You know because I’ve been in love with you basically since I’ve met you and all that. And if you read in between the lines of all of the love songs I’ve written, all you would see is your name because it’s so painfully obvious that they’re all about you.

“No one in particular,” you reply, your voice higher than normal and you rush to clear your throat. “I was just trying to help you guys out.” Johnny nods and you mimic his actions, the awkward atmosphere almost suffocating you as you look anywhere but at the man in front of you. “Is there someone that you were thinking about?” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. It’s now or never. If you don’t have the guts to confess—and assuming that Haechan and Mark are right—then maybe Johnny does.

“There is, actually,” he nods and you feel your heart rate increase at his words. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about; I need some advice. There’s this girl- obviously- And she’s just, like, amazing. She has this loud laugh that’s so contagious and she gets so excited about such small things and I don’t know what she puts in her hair but it always smells really good. And I’m pretty sure I’ve liked her ever since I first met her but I didn’t figure that out until like last year. But ever since I did figure that out, I’ve been trying to drop hints whenever I’m with her but she just doesn’t seem to get it. I’ll visit her randomly on my days off and bring her coffee when she’s at work and send her videos that remind me of her. I look right at her when I say something romantic but nothing works. Even now, I’m literally telling the girl that I like that I like her without actually saying it out loud and she probably still doesn’t get it.”

It feels like your brain short circuits at that last sentence. Well, your brain felt like it was short-circuiting throughout the entire thing, so it’s more like it just stopped working at that last sentence. “Wait- what-”

Johnny stands up and moves close to you until he’s only an arm’s length away with his dark eyes looking straight into yours. “(Y/N). I like you. Like, I really like you. And I would like to take you out on a date- if you’ll let me.”

Instead of answering his indirect question, you opt to confess your own feelings. “There is someone that I think about when I write all of those love songs. It’s only ever one person. And it’s only ever been you, Johnny. I think about you every single time, ever since we first met.” Your cheeks feel so warm after your confession but your heart feels like it’s soaring when you see the wide smile that breaks out across Johnny’s face at your words. “I really like you too. And I would love to go on a date with you.”

“Fucking finally!” Haechan exclaims as he bursts into the studio while Mark tries to pull him back and Jaehyun just stands there laughing. The boy’s yelling causes you to jump and causes the smile from Johnny’s face to fall as he glares at his roommate. Haechan ignores that, walking right past Johnny and flopping down on the couch before he takes a sip from his iced coffee. “Now that that’s over with, can we hurry up and finish for today? I wanna go home and play Valorant.”

[stargaze-issei]

ᴅᴀʏ 𝟼; ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴇʀ

-> tsukishima kei.

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; same tattoo, shared dreams, soulmates!au.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1.8k

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; fluff.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; the way i want to make a series out of everything in this challenge sigh.

↳ main masterlist

"what does it mean, tsukki?" yamaguchi asked by his side, looking with curiosity the needle leaving marks on his friend's skin. 

tsukishima wanted to get a tattoo through his complete adolescence, his parents never allowed it, not until he could pay it by himself, at least. and there he was, eighteen years old, watching in amazement how one of his few dreams became true. being honest, he wasn't sure what it meant, but he had dreamed about those numbers a lot. since he was thirteen, the same number appeared not only in his dreams, but was everywhere else too, everytime he checked the hour, the number of his locker, even his volleyball shirt. of course it took him a while to figure it out, but once he saw it, he couldn't stop. it became his luck number. 

"are you sure you just want that?" the artist wondered for the third time.

"yeah, it's important to me" the smile on tsukishima's face was completely different to all the others yamaguchi had seen since they knew each other. 

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

"please, come see me play, you're always busy!" your friend, koganegawa, could be a pain in the ass if he wanted to. he could be one withouth wanting too. your job as an assistant teacher kept you occupied half of the day, add the hours at college and how much you had to study, to say it was hard to make room in your life was an understatement. which was why you never went to kogane's games after highschool.

"i told you i can't! i have... work" 

"you don't work at nights, idiot! come see me play" he was so annoyingly persistent, that you had to accept, earning a excited hug from him.

after he left your appartment, only because you made him, you let yourself drop onto the couch, sighing. in fact, you were tired, but going to see kogane, one of your only friends, was something you could do. he was always so supportive, in his own unique way, it was the least you could do for him. you scratched your collarbone, unconciously going over your tattoo with your fingers, like checking if it was still there. somehow, that piece of inked skin gave you strengths when you felt like you were at your limit. the memory of a well known dream came to your mind, making you giggle.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

you knew koganegawa's team was a professional team, but you never expected them to have a cheering squad, and local tv cameras and periodists focusing on them. it was your first time at the gym where they were playing, a little anxiety growing in your chest not knowing where to go. you tried calling him to help you, but all you got was a text saying he had sent somebody to your rescue. 

"hi, are you kogane-kun's friend?" said a short blonde girl, touching your shoulder. she seemed really kind, making you feel more comfortable instantly.

you mumbled a positive respond, and she quickly grabbed your hand to take you to the bleachers like she knew the place by hand. she introduced herself as yachi hitoka, and said the game was about to start. she was also a friend of one of the players, but met some others, like koga, in highschool. 

in the exact moment that you and yachi sat, the starting whistle blowed, starting with the power serve of a bleached haired guy.

yachi guide you through the game, explaining the basics to you, but you couldn't take your eyes off of the blond man with glasses, he looked so familiar, though you were sure it was the first time you saw him. he intrigued you, a lot. you were too shy to ask yachi for his name, hoping to catch it on through the speakers at some point, or trying to remember if kogane had said something about him. the game went on, points were made by everyone, and every single one the setter did, he looked at you, searching for a reassurance smile. 

when it finished, a crushing victory from the frogs, you and your new friend went to wait for them outside of the compound, yachi felt the need to warn you before you met everyone. 

"see, kyoutani can be a little... intense, some times, but he's really nice, and tsuk-"

"y/n! did you see me!? did you see my points!? we were so great!" she was interrupted by an overly excited koganegawa walking towards you, along with two ther blondes. your cheeks burned at the sight of whom you had glared so hard just minutes ago, wondering if he had noticed. his face was buried on his phone, too busy to look up, disappointing you a little.

"i saw you, dumbface, that's what i came to do" he pouted at your fake insult, proceeding to shout to kyoutani by his side how awesome you were for going to his game. you introduced yourself, one of they boys said to be kyoutani kentaro, the one of your interest didnt't even reply.

tsukishima had heard your voice many times before, but for the first time, he was awake. his eyes opened wide, a soft hum of confusion left his mout. it couldn't be you, you were just a made up person from his dreams, someone who he had never seen, less say heard talking, to recognize that fast. although it was you. those eyes, that voice, that hair, it was you. he had dreamed about you for so long, in his mind, at the beginning you were his same age, growing up as he did. you were exactly like that woman.

"...tsukki!" he came back to earth thanks to kogane, who was frenetically moving him from his shoulders trying to get his attention. 

"get off" was all tsukishima answered.

"where's yamaguchi?" asked yachi. you didn't know what they were talking about, but you had witnessed the glasses boy, whom's name appears to be tsukki, go through a complete life crisis in the last minute.

"he's joining us at the restaurant" he said, starting to walk away by his own, followed by kyoutani and yachi, later by kogane pulling you from your arm to walk. 

yachi and koga talked enough to fill the uncomfortable aire in the table once everybody ordered. a man named yamaguchi arrived a few minutes earlier, still in office clothes. he congratulated the guys on their victory and greeted you nicely, presenting himself as "tsukki's friend". 

the minutes became hours, everyone, except you and tsukki, was drunk, even kyoutani had that red color on his cheeks because of the alcohol. yachi, who had stated that she was just a little tipsy, sober up when she saw how late it was. 

"i have to work tomorrow! we all have to! oh go, i can't believe i let kogane- tsukishima, could you please take y/n home while i get these three an uber?" despite being so small, the girl seemed to be completely in charge of everything, probably because of her years as manager in highschool, you thought.

"are you sure you don't need help with them?" you asked, a bit curious about how was she going to handle two giants and a man with rabies by herself.

"don't worry, i've been doing this since highschool, i'm more worried about you arriving safe"

"i'll take her, you stay at yamaguchi's and text me when you're there" intervined tsukishima, he had been quiet most of the night, even though he couldn't look less interested in being there, he still refused to leave. sometimes, he would stare at you when you weren't paying attention, without knowing that you actually felt his look on you. the girl agreed to his proposal, kissing your cheek goodbye and giving her friend a small hug before you took your things and got out of the place, followed by the tall man. 

the walk was silence after you told him you lived near enough to walk, him just nodding to your words. you didn't feel uncomfortable, though, and you wanted to believe neither did he. both of you were at a really short distance, and he didn't seem to care, but you smell of strawberry shortcake coming out of him. you giggled, thinking how funny it was that such an intimidating guy smelled like cake. tsukishima glared at you, disconcerted by your sudden laugh at no apparent reason.

"i used to go to this coffee house in highschool, they had the best strawberry cake i have ever eaten" your random fact caught tsukishima off guard, because he went to a coffee house with a really good strawberry cake since highschool too. he stayed silence, affraid to keep finding more shared details betweent the two of you. "i mean, don't think i talk about cake when- you smell like- i'm sorry" had you just made the situation hundred times worse? yes, you had. 

the rest of the walk was as silent as the first half, now, tsukishima was uncomfortable, so much that you could tell, but still, he choose to stay close to you instead of making distance. despite being a autumn night, you felt hot, your multiples layers of clothing were now making you sweat. without giving it much thought, you took off your jacket and sweater, leaving at sight you tattoo in you collarbone. tsukki tried, he really did, to not look at you, stripping like it was nothing, so when he did, and saw his exact same tattoo in your body, he stopped walking. his jaw barely hit the floor, you could swear he saw a ghost.

"are you okay? d-do you...? what are you doing?" he got over his shocked, and in a light of boldness, he started to take off his coat and sweater, not only that, but lifting his shirt until you could see his nipple and ribs. it was then when you saw it too, your tatto, the exact same details, were on his skin, like it was printed of the same printer. you hadn't chose a design from an artist, you drew one on your own, wanting to be the only of its kind, yet, there you were.

like someone had opened a door in your mind, memories of lost dreams came back, you remembered from where tsukishima seemed so familiar. that damned dream you had for years, of him, who you thought was a creation from your subconscious, was now standing right in front of you, in flesh and bones. not you nor tsukishima knew how to react, maybe, fearing that the other would run away. a strange urge to cry invaded you, and for some reason, a intense desire to feel the blonde closer.

"i want to take you on a date, if that's okay with you" 

"yes" you said not a second late, almost begging him to be with you from that day to your last.

"and i wanna kiss you right now" he didn't even let you answered before jumping to your lips, leaning a bit. you sighed in the middle of the kiss, relieved to feel him and his warm arms around you, your lips moving at synch.

his lips tasted like strawberry too.

⌙ 𝟐𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 🥳