#i understand that the like. official answer or whatever is no but i reject it personally

[liviawildrose]

𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

read this to transform your life

hey guys! today, we’re diving into something that can literally transform the next 20 years of your life. why? because pluto has officially entered aquarius, and let me tell you, this is huge. if you’ve got aquarius anywhere in your birth chart like i do, you’re probably already feeling that intense energy—the urge to level up, get things done, and completely reinvent yourself. i mean, look at me: this is my second vlog today and i’ve been non-stop posting since yesterday. it’s like this cosmic shift has supercharged me, and i know it can do the same for you.

but don’t worry, even if you’re not an aquarius, this energy is hitting everyone in some way. so whether you’re ready for it or not, pluto in aquarius is here, and it’s bringing transformation on a massive scale. now, this blog is part of my series called the “game of life”, but since this pluto shift is so major, i’ve decided to make this a crossover between the two themes. we’re going to talk about how to actually use this energy to change your life, level up, and play the long game to completely transform the next 20 years and beyond. so, if you’re ready to tap into this cosmic power and take control of your future, follow along because this blog might just change your life.

just before we dive in, i want you guys to check out a blog i posted a couple of weeks ago—it’s all about the first steps to getting your shit together. it’s a great starting point for understanding how to lay the groundwork for your transformation journey. if you haven’t seen it yet, head over to blog “first steps” and give it a read. trust me, it’ll help you get a solid foundation before you dive into the next level of this process.

avatar

okay, now that you’ve got your basics down from the previous blog, let me introduce you to the game of life. this is where things get fun. first, we’re going to focus on creating your avatar. now, if you’ve read that earlier blog, you’ll remember i talked about building an alter ego. for example, mine is called livia wildrose. she’s my vision of absolute perfection the version of me i aspire to be. this is your chance to go wild. grab a journal and start designing your alter ego and how her life is. i don’t care how crazy, bold, or unrealistic it might seem this is your imagery of perfection. who is she? how does she look? how does she act? what does her life look like? write it all down. get creative draw her, make a mood board, whatever feels right. this is your blueprint. now, here’s the twist: in the game of life, you are the avatar. your current self, with all your flaws and strengths, is the player in this game. your mission? to become your alter ego. think of it like this: your avatar (you) might not have everything your alter ego has right now. maybe she’s more confident, more successful, smarter, richer, or better-looking. but that’s okay because she represents your end goal. every step you take toward embodying her, every choice that aligns you closer to her energy, earns you points in the game of life. the idea is to bridge the gap between who you are now (your avatar) and who you want to be (your alter ego). every time you make progress whether it’s a mindset shift, a small win, or a big milestone you’re leveling up. this is how you win the game.

for example, let’s say your alter ego is this ultra-rich, world-famous singer, idol, and total icon. she’s confident, magnetic, and lives her dream life effortlessly. that’s your end goal that’s your alter ego. now, your job is to build her. create her personality, her habits, her lifestyle, her goals, and most importantly, her mindset. think about it what kind of mindset does she have? does she radiate confidence? does she have unshakable discipline? does she take no for an answer, or does she turn every rejection into motivation? for me, my alter ego, livia wildrose, has a queen-like, goddess-like mindset. that means every single brick life throws at me, i’m gonna build a castle out of it. scratch that i’m gonna build a shrine. nothing breaks me; i only get stronger, wiser, and better. that’s how livia wildrose operates, and that’s what drives me every single day.

imagine you’re playing a game where you have to build a village from scratch. when you start, you don’t just dive in blindly—you go around and observe how other players have built their villages. you notice their strengths, but also their flaws. maybe someone’s village is too cluttered, or their defenses are weak, or their farms are in the wrong spots. you take mental notes: ‘okay, that’s not my vibe. i’m not gonna do that.’ this also brings me to the point that learn from other peoples mistake too. my friend right now is going through a very tough break up. and the guy is being a total asshole. and the more she talk about the relationship to me how it was, and we try to get the cues like “oh we could’ve realised back then when he said this particular thing” that he is not the one. (the fact he was a total sexist asshole) i realised that when i get into a relationship, and if i see my future boyfriend having these traits, i will leave. why? because I learnt from her mistakes of letting things slide, and not noticing the minor red flags that later became worse.

(back to the topic) then, you create an image of your ideal village in your head. you don’t copy anyone, but you take inspiration. you think, ‘this is my aesthetic, this is how i want my village to function.’ you make a mental note of all the details where the farms will go, where the population will live, how everything will flow. and then you start building, step by step, upgrading, improving, and making decisions based on the vision you created. now apply that same concept to your life. create an ideal version of yourself (alter ego) in your head. imagine your ideal life, your ideal personality, your dream self. think about who she is, how she thinks, how she acts, what her daily habits are. don’t just copy someone else’s life take inspiration. maybe you admire someone’s confidence but not their style, or their work ethic but not their priorities. fine. make mental notes and adjust it to fit your vibe. every time you make a decision or work to improve yourself (your current avatar), use that ideal version of yourself as a guide. ask yourself, ‘what would she do? how would she handle this? what choice aligns me closer to her?’ take inspiration from her and let her energy fuel every upgrade you make. step by step, you’ll start building a life that’s completely aligned with the vision you’ve dreamed of. for example in pubg. the end goal is to become a conqueror so what you do every single time when you play that game is make sure that you’re good with your teammates, you get the most kills, you win every single match, because that is what will bring you to your end goal.

the bars of life

1. health bar

health is the foundation, the core, the absolute main bar. without health, nothing else matters. it’s like playing a survival game if your health is low, you’re dead in the water, right? you can’t progress, you can’t fight, you can’t level up. every single step in your journey starts with taking care of your body and mind. health is everything. make sure you’re eating right, sleeping enough, working out, and keeping your mind in a positive, stable place. the healthier you are, the more you’ll be able to conquer in all aspects of life. keep this bar maxed out, or you won’t even have the energy to fight for your dreams.

2. physical bar

now, let’s talk about the physical bar. this is all about how your body looks and feels. how’s your physique? toned? fit? are you putting in the work to make sure your body is in shape, or are you letting it slide? it’s not just about the gym though—it’s about how you present yourself. do your clothes flatter your body type? are you dressing in a way that highlights your best features? are your nails done, your hair styled, your makeup light but on point? when you walk into a room, does your physical presence demand attention and admiration? this is about taking pride in your appearance and making sure your physicality aligns with the highest version of yourself. everything from your posture to the way you dress, this is how people will notice you. own it.

3. mental bar

the mental bar is all about your mindset, emotional health, and mental well-being. how do you show up in the world every day? what is your internal dialogue like? are you a powerhouse of positivity and productivity, or are you letting negative thoughts control you? this bar is about building a mindset that propels you forward, no matter what life throws at you. like i always say, every single brick life throws at me, i will build a castle out of it—or a shrine. i don’t care what happens, it’s all fuel for my fire. this is the mental toughness you need to develop to grow.

if you’re facing challenges—whether it’s dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression—take care of your mental health. if you need a therapist, get one. if journaling helps you unpack emotions and thoughts, make it a habit. every step you take to improve your mental health is a step toward leveling up your life. every time you choose a positive, productive mindset, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving. strengthen this bar, and everything else in life becomes more manageable.

your mental bar is not just about surviving the chaos—it’s about learning to navigate it with grace, strength, and an unbreakable belief in your ability to create your dream life.

4. spiritual bar

the spiritual bar is your path to alignment with yourself and the universe. this is where you connect with your higher self, your energy, and your beliefs. spirituality isn’t just about religion—though it can be if that’s part of your journey. it’s about meditating, doing yoga (especially Kundalini, like i mentioned), and tuning into the deepest parts of yourself. when you start aligning your chakras and balancing your energies, you’re strengthening this bar. it’s about connecting to something greater than yourself—whether that’s through rituals, prayer, or mindfulness practices. this is the bar that ensures your spirit is nurtured, your energy is clean, and your soul is grounded. if you’re in tune with yourself and aligned with your truth, you can face anything the world throws at you.

5. financial bar

now, let’s talk about the financial bar. this is where you track your wealth, your earning capacity, and how financially empowered you are. how’s your financial situation? are you getting paid what you’re worth? are you bringing in new streams of income? every single time you land a promotion, secure a new deal, or create another source of income, this bar rises. even small wins matter—getting that side hustle going, saving a little extra this month, investing in yourself. all these things count. this bar is about actively working toward your financial freedom and success. if you’re serious about leveling up in life, this bar has to be taken seriously. wealth isn’t just about money—it’s about abundance in every area of your life. when you strengthen this bar, you give yourself the power to live the life you want

6. career bar

the career bar is all about progression, ambition, and success in your professional life. every time you take a step forward—whether it’s landing a promotion, launching a side hustle, or expanding your business—it’s a win for your career bar. it’s not just about the outcome, but about the process too. when you learn a new skill to level up in your field, or when you push yourself to take on more responsibility, this bar grows. every single action you take to further your career—no matter how small—contributes to building the empire you want. it’s about building something that lasts and ensuring that your career serves as the foundation for the life you envision.

7. social bar

the social bar is about how you connect and interact with others. it includes your relationships with family, friends, lovers, and colleagues, as well as your social media presence. every time you make a meaningful connection, whether it’s through a new friendship or strengthening bonds with existing relationships, your social bar grows. it also covers your social media footprint—every time you post something, earn followers, or engage with your audience, you’re building your social presence. the way you show up in the world, the vibe you put out, and how others perceive you are all part of this bar. what’s important is that you’re intentional about your social connections. it’s not just about quantity, but quality. how do you carry yourself? how do people feel around you? remember, you can always adjust the way you’re perceived by adjusting how you act. we’ll dive deeper into how you can shift your social presence to your advantage later on.

8. legacy bar

the legacy bar is about the impact you leave behind and how you’re remembered. while you might not need to focus on this too much at 17 (like me too), it’s still something that will guide your actions as you grow older. your legacy is like the final level of your life game—it’s the impression you leave on others, the tangible and intangible things you pass on to the next generation. think about it like this: your legacy could be how generous you were. maybe you donate to charities, help the less fortunate, or fund scholarships. maybe you leave behind a family with strong values, or set up a business that supports others and creates opportunities. or even, it’s the homes you buy and the wealth you build that your kids will inherit. that’s a form of legacy too—creating something that endures, that your children or loved ones can benefit from long after you’re gone.

you want to make sure you’re giving back—whether it’s in terms of charity, helping your community, or creating something that continues to benefit people beyond your time here. it’s about living with intention, creating something greater than yourself, and making sure that when people look back, they say, “wow, she did something good.” when I think of my legacy, I want to be known for making an impact on my country, helping its economy grow, and providing jobs. so, always think about the ripple effect your actions will have not just on yourself but on the world around you, long after you’re gone.

9. environmental bar

okay, so let’s talk about your environmental bar. this is pretty much everything around you: where you live, who you hang out with, and what you’re consuming—whether it’s people, media, or food. your environment shapes you more than you think. if you live in clutter, your brain gets cluttered. if you’re surrounded by negative energy or toxic people, guess what? that negativity starts rubbing off on you. toxicity? it’s contagious. trust me. this is why i always say: your environment is EVERYTHING. let’s say you’re stuck in a place where people are draining your energy, or your room looks like a hurricane hit it—what’s happening? your life starts feeling chaotic. but if you clean up your space, set boundaries with toxic people, and start surrounding yourself with supportive, positive vibes, you’ll see that your life follows suit. if you’re surrounded by success-driven people, guess what happens? you start moving differently too.

for example, i know my current living situation is toxic. but, once i move out, that’s going to be my environmental grace. i’ll finally have the space to thrive, away from negative energy. maybe for you, it’s as simple as clearing your workspace or unfollowing people on social media who bring you down. the key is that you’re actively creating a good environment for your growth. declutter, move people who don’t vibe with you, and make sure everything you interact with is aligned with your goals.

10. fun and recreation bar

listen, life isn’t just about hustling and grinding, okay? it’s also about having fun. and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. people always forget that joy and peace are important parts of growth. hobbies, fun experiences, and doing things that bring you relaxation and joy are just as vital as your career or health bar. sure, you might not make money from every hobby, but if it brings you peace or helps you unwind, then it’s worth it.

like me, i might not be making millions off of drawing, but damn, it’s relaxing. it’s something that i look back on and feel proud of. the point is, don’t skip out on fun. go out with friends, explore new things, travel, dance, create. don’t just work to live—live to enjoy it. make time for meaningful parties, exploring new places, or just learning something new for fun. trust me, it will make you feel whole. it’s the only life we’ve got, so might as well enjoy it. while also being productive (im sorry had to add this 😭)

11. intelligence bar

okay, this one should be obvious, but let me make it clear: your intelligence bar should always be leveling up. this is the bar for everything you do to expand your mind, whether it’s learning a new skill, reading a book, acing a test, or just getting smarter from life lessons. it’s not just about school or formal education; it’s about constantly seeking knowledge. every time you learn something new—whether it’s about physics, psychology, or how to make the best goddamn smoothie—your intelligence bar grows.

never stop learning. school isn’t the only place for growth. you’re an adult now—take control of your learning. buy books, watch educational videos, take courses that interest you, and dive into everything that can help you grow intellectually. intelligence doesn’t stop when you leave school, it grows with you, forever. always be leveling up your mind.

watch her video to get more info on this topic (she is MOTHER) literally.

cheat codes in the game of life

read this blog by me first

life is full of cheat codes if you know where to look. one of the easiest ways to hack your life and manifest your desires is by using subliminals, grabovoi codes, eft tapping and even customizing your ChatGPT. these tools are like magic spells, designed to align your subconscious mind with your goals. for example, grabovoi codes are just numbers, but when you write and repeat them, they can bring about extraordinary shifts in your life. subliminals work and eft tapping the same way reprogramming your mind while you go about your day. and with ChatGPT, you have a personal assistant that can help you navigate any life situation, offering advice and insight whenever you need it. these are your personal life hacks use them to transform your reality with ease.

okay, let’s dive even deeper into these cheat codes, because once you start using them, you’ll realize how easy it is to shape the world around you. let’s talk about altering your social image—this is like an advanced life hack that many people, especially celebrities, are already using, but they’re not telling you how. you know how celebrities act on social media, right? that perfectly curated, almost “too good to be true” persona? the thing is, that’s not really them. most of them aren’t as perfect as they look in front of the camera, and they sure as hell don’t act the same behind the scenes. think about the people who might’ve bullied you in the past. they might have treated you like crap, but when they’re in front of others? angels. they put on this sweet, charming persona to get what they want. it’s all about duality—using different faces to your advantage. so why not do the same?

you can reinvent the way people see you. perception is everything. for example, let’s say you want to be perceived like a star, like an icon. one of the biggest secrets to this is creating a unique persona—something that screams you, but is captivating enough to make others want to be around you. think about how a lot of idols have such a distinctive style or energy. that is the cheat code. they don’t just wear the coolest clothes, they embody a vibe, an energy that makes them stand out in a crowd. so, how do you do it? first, know what you want. if you want to be that calm, collected, alluring figure who commands attention without even trying, start by adopting a few things that you know fit that style. if you want that dark, sultry energy, you need to own it—the way you talk, walk, dress, and even the way you hold yourself should exude confidence.

take someone like Dakota Johnson she has this quiet-chaotic energy about her, right? she speaks slowly, her words dripping with this almost sultry vibe. she doesn’t try too hard. it’s not about being overly energetic or trying to impress; it’s about confidence, calmness, and an air of mystery. she can make something as simple as a joke feel funny and seductive because of the way she says it. that’s the magic. it’s not about being loud or brash to get attention, it’s about learning how to carry yourself in a way that leaves people wanting more.

here’s the trick you don’t need to be a different person; you just need to refine your vibe. create a version of yourself that’s like an upgraded avatar. and then, simply start to live like them. how would your alter ego talk? would they speak with more authority? would they be more laid back, or would they be mysterious? do they have a sultry, slow tone when they speak? model yourself after that, and it’ll become second nature. this is where the pluto in aquarius energy comes in if you’re an aquarius (or have aquarius placements), this is your moment. you have the power to reinvent yourself in ways that you never thought possible. take this time to shift your self-perception and how the world perceives you. you can break out of old habits, behaviors, and expectations that others might have of you. this is your chance to become the best version of you, the version that’s unstoppable.

how do you get started?

1. talk like her: figure out how your alter ego would speak. take note of the cadence, the tone, and the vibe they exude. do they talk slower? more deliberately? maybe they joke with a certain confidence that makes everyone laugh, but also feel intrigued. learn to replicate that tone.

2. dress the part: style matters. you can’t be a fashion icon if you’re always dressing like a potato sack. find a style that feels unique to you, but also gives off that vibe you want—whether it’s sleek, bold, or soft. make sure your clothing complements the persona you want to show the world.

3. be unpredictable: people love mystery. don’t always let them in on everything. make them wonder about you. embrace the chaotic quietness—be the person who seems calm, but you always have something up your sleeve. keep them intrigued.

4. embrace the duality: you can be whoever you want to be. show one side to certain people, and another side to others. be strategic about how you present yourself in different scenarios. this is how you gain control of your social image.

5. confidence is key: once you start showing up as this new version of yourself, your confidence will shoot through the roof. people pick up on energy. if you believe in the persona you’re creating, others will too. and that’s how you start changing how people perceive you.

the beauty of this is, you’re not just faking it. you’re becoming it. you’re tapping into a version of yourself that’s always been there, just waiting for the right moment to step into the spotlight. the more you practice this, the more natural it becomes. “fake it till you make”

so, here’s the game plan: figure out your alter ego, start speaking like them, acting like them, dressing like them, and above all, own it. no one can compete with a version of you who’s fully aligned with your highest self. this is the cheat code to creating your dream life and stepping into the role you were always meant to play. use mindmovie, vision board, manifestation books to keep yourself aligned with your desires and goals

yeah, seriously, take this game of life really seriously. it’s not just about coasting through, it’s about making moves that align with your goals and dreams. your environment plays a huge part in that—where you live, who you’re around, and what opportunities are available. if you’re in a place that doesn’t nurture your dreams or support your growth, it might be time to think about moving. i’m in the same boat—i know the dreams i have won’t be fully supported where i’m at, so i’m already planning my next moves. but remember, everything is strategic. you have to play to win, baby girl. don’t settle for anything less than the life you deserve. make the changes, take the risks, and keep leveling up.

life’s like a game, and there are plenty of players trying to win, but how do you outsmart the competition? it’s not just about luck—yeah, that plays a part, but it’s also about skill, strategy, and having the right people around you. you can’t level up on your own, and just like in any game, teamwork makes all the difference. think of it this way: the kings and rulers in history didn’t get where they were alone; they knew how important it was to have the right team by their side. whether it’s friends, mentors, or business partners, you need good people who can support, challenge, and push you forward. surround yourself with those who elevate you, not drain you. build a strong, skilled, and loyal team because with the right crew, you’ll always be ahead of the game. just like the environment you choose—quality food, media, and surroundings—your team matters too.

notations

life is like a mix of different games, okay? think of it like the Sims where you have the ultimate free will. you can literally do whatever you want, and it’s up to you how far you take it. want to be a singer? start posting your singing videos everywhere—Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, and even Twitter. manifest it, use subliminals, grabovoi codes, EFT tapping, and let ChatGPT help you figure out the algorithm and best ways to grow. life gives you all the tools, so use them to build your dream life.

but life isn’t just the Sims, it’s also like Chess. you have to be strategic about when and how you move. be nice but not naive, be a bitch sometimes too period. don’t throw out your best pieces too soon keep things lowkey and make others underestimate you. right now, I’m not the top student in my class, but I’m playing the long game. I’ll show people my pawns first—small, safe moves. later, when it’s the right time, I’ll pull out the knight or queen to checkmate the competition. keep people guessing. be mysterious. don’t tell anyone what you’re planning until it’s already in motion. keep your moves quiet, let them think you’re just playing small, and when the time comes—boom, you’ll show them exactly what you’re capable of.

this is where your team really comes into play. think of it like playing PUBG—if your team sucks, you suck. you can’t lead a squad full of lazy players and expect to win. it’s like trying to win a game while everyone else is just chilling. that’s why you have to be super selective with who you let into your inner circle. the people you’re building your success with need to be on the same level as you, otherwise, you’ll just drag each other down.

i’ve mentioned this before i literally asked a tarot reader to read the people around me, and she pointed out which friends weren’t good for me. guess what? those people turned out to be exactly as she said. so, don’t ignore your gut feelings. these are the people who will be there when you make it big, so make sure they’re the right ones. remember, in life, you don’t often get to choose your teammates, so be super careful who you let in. if you’re young, like 17 or 18, this is the time to build those lifelong friendships. trust me, pick wisely, because they’ll either help you level up or hold you back.

if i were to start a new life from today, this would have been the blog post that would have helped me reach that level. so, thank you so much for reading it through and through, and i hope you like it. also, i’m gonna pin this blog, and from now onwards, every single blog that you’ll see on my channel, on my account, will be somewhat similar to this. i’ll be using this blog as a centerpiece in future posts, building on it and referencing it. so stay tuned, because there’s a lot more to come, and this is just the beginning of the journey. and i’m gonna be doing all these again with you guys too. :)

also, happy 20 years of success as pluto returns to aquarius. love you guys.

[skyrim-forever]

WIP WEDNESDAY

It's Wednesday again, let's see them wips <3 I was tagged by @ladytanithia for a wip whenever yesterday, thank you friend!

Tagging: @theoneandonlysemla @dirty-bosmer @lucien-lachance @umbracirrus @changelingsandothernonsense

@bougainvillea-and-saltwater @pocket-vvardvark @firefly-factory @hircines-hunter @captain-of-silvenar

I'd like to give a special shoutout to @lillxart who got me thinking more about the fun little emotion that is jealousy and I decided I wanted to tackle it more in-depth than I have before. Also was missing writing from Ondolemar's pov and he's at his best denying his feelings so here's a snippet from before they have confessed <3 Under the cut because somewhat suggestive, mostly angst:

So caught up in his own mental groveling, what she says next is nearly missed. “I would love to know if you find anything interesting about them, I’ll confess I don't know much about the Dwemer. More familiar with the Ayelids, my father had an interest."

“Perfectly understandable, the Dwemer never went as far south as Cyrodiil.” The young wizard pauses before continuing. “I’ve already got some theories, perhaps we could continue this conversation over dinner? If you’d be interested, of course.”

It comes out of him quickly, words staunch and firm, the authoritarian tone hopefully covers up his desperation. It was unlike him to speak without thinking, let whatever fall from his mouth. Careful, calculated, that is how he was taught to speak. More thought should be put into deciding what to reveal than the physical exertion of saying it. Despite all that training, or perhaps in spite of it, the accusation comes out. 

“You.” The single word is so cutting, far more than it needs to be. The anger in voice should not be directed at her, nor Aicantar who knows not of his crime. It should claim its victim in himself  and it would have, if he had not been struck mad at the thought of her having dinner with someone else. A younger Altmer who was doing what his own younger self set out to do, a scholar; a mer who could be with her, unbound by the confines of oaths and duty. “You have been interfering with official business of the Altmeri Dominion and I am taking you for questioning.” 

Unlike his anger, misplaced and sporadic, hers is properly accessed as she glares at him, burring holes through his very being. Ondolemar knew nothing of dragons. The beasts they say she fought bore little concern on his mind. However, as he guides them back to his quarters, few words said to his guards to explain her presence, he wonders how much truth there is in the tales of their wrath. How much truth is found in the title Dragonborn? Was she like a dragon, could her wrath consume him? 

It’s more unnerving as she is silent on their way, nothing but that agonizing stare to confirm she’s there. Slowly, he shuts the door behind them. Enjoying a few seconds of her company without facing the consequences of what has occurred. 

“What was that?” Every word is a brutal strike and every answer he can give is more pathetic than the next. Though this is no time to be blaise, he does so anyway. An attempt can’t hurt. 

“You were late.” He passes her the goblet poured early, a peace offering, as insignificant as it is. It is rejected. 

“I didn’t realize being late for you to fuck me was a crime, delaying your pleasure counted as interfering with official business.” He deserves the mocking tone as she echoes his words. 

“Given what you have told me I thought you may have been held up by the City Guards. Now I see it was something else.”

“That doesn’t explain what you said. Now the next time I speak with Aicantar I’ll have to fabricate some story because you seem to think your position means you can demand anything you want, at any time.” Her words hit him heavily, settling in his stomach like a thick sludge where sustenance should be. Did she really think that all he was concerned about? Of course she did, he had worked very hard to not let slip any of the borderline romantic thoughts he harboured. Fearful of even thinking of them sober, speaking them aloud would be far too real. 

But she is angry with him and despite their very opposing sides, Ondolemar doesn’t want Theodora angry at him. Their identities as enemies was much better suited for their private activities. Where they still mattered, his position and rank never leaving his mind, but no one to see how he used them to please her. Collecting the right works, he speaks. 

“In the moment I was taken aback when he asked you to dinner and forgot myself.” Her rage quells slightly, what rage leaves is replaced with hurt, her words are layered with pain. 

“Am I not allowed to be asked to dinner?”

“Of course.”

“Then why did you order me away?” He expected her to ask if he was jealous. All the clues point in that direction, it would be easier on him to confirm her conclusion than draw his own. Fearful if he say it he would go even further and inform her that the lack of freedom and autonomy got to him at times. That it did hurt to hear someone else was interested in her and she would not need to hide with him. Taken aback again, this time by her pain and sincerity, he can’t bring himself to tell the truth. 

“I do not know.” It’s a suffocating silence. Distracting himself momentarily, he puts down the rejected peace offering, mentally praying that they will get to share a drink tonight. If she can forgive him for his stupid and barbaric behaviour as well as the fact he cannot provide her an explanation, unable to admit some things to himself. 

“If I saw you with another woman, asking her to dinner or kissing her or even fucking her, I wouldn’t say anything. It’s not my place to.”

There was he wants say. An fruitless endeavour but one nonetheless.

[kisskiss-slashslash]

Slashers when you say “I love you” for the first time

Jason Voorhees

He freezes up and disappears for a while. But don’t interpret that as rejection, please. He is just utterly overwhelmed by the idea that anyone not blood-related to him could ever actually *love* him.

You, of course, are left confused and maybe a little heartbroken by that reaction. Did you do phrase it wrong? Was it too soon? Does he just not feel the same?

He returns a little while later, once he had a moment to process it, and immediately sweeps you up into a backbreaking hug. Good luck getting anything done for the rest of the day, because he won’t let go. Are you hallucinating or is there water dripping from under his mask?

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent knows just enough about love and romance by watching people getting caught in Bo’s charming web, so he sees the signs in the way you are acting around him. Still, when you finally gather all of your courage and confess your feelings to him, he pauses, surprised by how open you are about it.

When you want to start listing all the things you love about him, he takes your hand to stop you, and you see the expressionless mask shift as the mouth underneath curls into a gentle smile.

“So does that mean you feel the same?”, you ask softly.

In lieu of an answer, he gets out a sketchbook that has obviously been recently used, and hands it to you.

You flip through it and find it almost entirely filled with sketches of you, each sketch coming with little notes meant to draw attention to all the little things he loves about you; and there is a lot, from the way your eyes light up when you smile, to the shape of each of your facial features, to decidedly more intimate details.

“Aw man, that makes my confession look kinda lackluster in comparison”, you quip sheepishly and hand the sketchbook back to him.

Freddy Krueger

Be prepared for him to turn it into a joke. “Of course you love me. Look at me. I’m amazing.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m serious!”

“Hi Serious, I’m Freddy.”

“Really? A dad joke?”

“So why are you coming out with this now of all times?”

You open your mouth and close it again a few times. “I don’t know? I just felt like it was about time one of us say something like that?”

“Eh, talk is cheap. The fact that we’re putting up with each other is already enough of a love confession, don’t you think? And that’s way better than all that corny stuff about eternal love or whatever.”

You chuckle, despite being still sort of frustrated at him blowing you off like that. “If you say so.”

Bubba Sawyer

Bubba drops his chainsaw as soon as the words leave your mouth. He looks at you, nervously licking his lips, then clumsily tries to pick the saw up again. The sudden confession has his hands so jittery that he is really struggling though, so you eventually crouch down and pick it up for him.

“Sorry for just saying that out of the blue.” You hand his weapon back to him. “I guess I just… want you to know.”

Now *you* are the one dropping the chainsaw, mostly because you find yourself a foot or so in the air, held up by the vice-like grip of Bubba, who is pressing you against his chest and happily blubbering what you generously interpret as a reciprocation of the confession into your shoulder. Sometimes you really wished you could understand Bubba as well as Drayton did. But then again.. a loving gesture like this doesn’t really need words.

Brahms Heelshire

Self-absorbed as he is, he naturally assumes that you love him, so he doesn’t act too surprised when you tell him as much. Instead, he pulls you into a hug and replies:“And I love you.”

However, the fact that he expected it doesn’t mean that he takes it for granted. In his mind, the love confession is what actually begins a relationship. That’s how it works in stories, after all, and stories were the only real window to the outside world he has had since he was eight. Meaning that now, he views you officially as his significant other, rather than just a caretaker he just so happened to kiss and have the occasional fling with. Which also means that he at least tries to do a bit more for you instead of only ever taking.

The first results of his attempts at being helpful are disastrous, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

[rekino2114]

Let's goooo~ with Tenko chabashira confessing to her Male crush who she thinks is gonna reject her but when he accepts her confession she just gets super hard excited and kisses him.

Tenko chabashira confessing to a male reader

Tenko never thought she would fall for a "degenerate male", she tried fighting off this feeling, but the more she saw you around school, the more her heart yearned for your love.

But she couldn't confess, you would certainly reject her, she treats men awfully so there's no way you would like her let alone have feelings for her.

Even after talking with himiko about this, she was still hesitant in the idea of confessing, but she couldn't bear the feeling in her chest anymore even if you were gonna reject her she had to do this.

Trying her best to control her blush she asked you to meet her at a park after school, half expecting you to not show up she jumped slightly when she saw you approaching the bench she was sitting on.

"Hey tenko sorry if I'm late. Do you mind if I sit near you?"

"N-no it's fine"

"Really? That's unexpected am I not a degenerate male?"

"N-NO you're-"

"Don't worry, I was just joking, sorry"

You sat down next to her and noticed her blushing and trying to avoid your gaze

"So why did you invite me here?"

"Well there is something I wanted to tell you for a while"

"Really? what is it?"

"Well i....I....."

You noticed how her face seemed to become redder by the second and tried to reassure her.

"You look pretty nervous, try to take a deep breath, and calm down. I won't judge you whatever you say"

That was the reason why she fell for you. You were so nice,kind, and understanding to her even with the way she treated other men. She took a deep breath and started at your beautiful eyes before speaking.

"So I......have had a crush on you for a while. And before you say anything, I know you probably don't feel the same because of how I treat guys, but you're genuinely not like the others and are really great to hang out with, so even if you reject me I would still like to remain friends"

The small silence that settled in after that gave tenko the time to calm herself but also to worry about your answer.

"Wow, I definitely didn't expect that. But to be honest, I......have feelings for you too."

"........wait really?"

"Yeah, but I thought you kinda disliked me for.....well being a male"

Tenko's worry was completely replaced with happiness. So much that she couldn't contain herself any longer and kissed you on the lips.

But the kiss was short-lived because as soon as she realized what she had done, tenko pulled away and looked at you with an embarrassed look and an even more red face.

"Aaaahhh, I'm so sorry. What was I thinking? It's way too early, and we're not even official yet. I was just so excited and-"

Her apology was interrupted by your small laugh.

"Don't worry I....actually kinda liked that"

"You did?"

"Yeah it was nice.. and by the way I would love to be your boyfriend if that wasn't clear"

Tenko's smile returned to her face as she heard your answer

"Thank you so much. I'll try to be the best girlfriend ever......and to tone down with the 'degenerative males' comments if that bothers you"

"Sounds great, and I'll definitely help you with that"

"T-thanks"

"Hey my house isn't too far away from here wanna walk together?"

"Sure I'd love that"

You started your first official moments as a couple, and tenko smiled at the thought of having a man loving and understanding her despite her attitude towards them.

[lizzyk137]

We're Having A Baby! - Gibbs X Reader Fic (Gibbs NCIS)

Description: You find out you and your boyfriend, Gibbs, are having a baby but you can't seem to tell Gibbs until it's too late and it all slips out, will Gibbs be excited, or will you have to become a single mom? Warnings: Slight swearing, angst, mentions of throwing up, rejection, overall, just angst with some fluff

(Part Two) Want to read more, visit my Masterlist!

"This steak is good!" You said between bites as you shoveled in as much as you could into your mouth.

You had just finished a ten hour shift with no bathroom breaks, and you had to be back to work in the next couple of hours for a night mission.

Gibbs smiled at you, probably one of the biggest smiles you've ever seen on him, and continued to eat. "It's one of the only things I know how to cook, so I'm glad you like it."

You nodded your head and continued eating until your phone rang, flashing Abbie's name as the caller ID.

"Heyo." You answered, mouth full of steak.

"Hey, what are you doing? It sounds like your mouth is full of something?" She asked slowly, hoping she wasn't interrupt something important.

You laughed as you swallowed, "I'm just eating. What did you need, Abbie?"

"Oh, okay, that's better than what I thought. I need you in here. McGee is getting nowhere with the amount of data we have to go through. There's too much, and I have my hands full running tests." She rambled out all in one breathe.

You plopped the last bit of steak into your mouth, then answered, "Yeah, I can come over. Give me like ten minutes or so. Plus, I wanna know what you thought was going on when I get there!"

"Um, it's nothing important! See ya!" The screen flashing that the call ended.

"That was Abbie. It seems like I'm needed back at work."

Gibbs just nodded. "Probably best since Abbie has a lot to do. I'll see you in a few hours for the night raid."

You grabbed your plate and silverware and put them in the sink, then headed to the living room to grab your coat and bag. You stopped and looked at Gibbs, who just gave you a small wave as a goodbye as he continued to eat his steak. Annoyed with your boyfriend as he gave more love to his steak than you, you rolled your eyes and headed out.

Thirty minutes later, you were back at work and helping McGee go through all the data that you had on five laptops that you collected earlier that day at one of the crime scenes.

You caught Abbie walking in, and you waved her over using your pointer finger. "So what was that all about earlier?"

"Well, since you and Gibbs are official, we just assumed that you might be busy. You know. Doing things."

You rolled your eyes. "Ew no, just no. And even if it did, I wouldn't be telling you! Especially over the phone while it was happening!"

"Hey, that's a kink for some people. Not me but for someone out there."

You both laughed and got to work. Two hours went by, and McGee got a call. He hung up and looked over at you. "Looks like Gibbs is doing the night raid with Ziva and Tony. He said we should stay and do what we do best. As he put it, finding whatever in those little boxes."

You both just shook your head, annoyed, and went back to work.

McGee and you were similar, too similar sometimes, to the point that people would just assume that you were siblings. You even had similar looks, too. McGee was like an older brother to you and you, a younger sibling to him. Your dynamic was well balanced, and you both spoke each other's language, which would annoy the team when only the two of you would be able to understand each other. Gibbs never even tried to understand that part of you, your nerdy side that you often had to hide, and it became exhausting sometimes.

Gibbs and you were the polar opposite of each other, with only a few things in common. Like your job, the fact you were great with guns, and you both didn't like to stand still. While his was that he liked to be busy, yours was due to your ADHD which you managed to control pretty well.

You loved Gibbs, but sometimes it was hard to communicate with the age barrier between you. You both said that it didn't bother you and that you would work on anything that you needed too and try to be open to each other's differences and likes, but it was hard since Gibbs wasn't a man of change. McGee and Abbie could see it on your face, though you tried to hide it, when you were left out on field work to stay behind to help McGee with something that he could easily figure out. You knew Gibbs was looking out for you, but most times, it just felt like he only thought you were good for one thing at work - computers.

You were the top of your class in everything leading up to being apart of an NCIS team and you still strived to be the best, but it was hard to show what you could do when you were limited to doing only a few things.

"Oh my gosh!" You exclaimed three hours later, "I found exactly what we were hoping for!" McGee shoved his chair over to yours, looking at your screen, as you expanded the screen of info. "It's the account we were looking for with the list of buyers, their accounts with also a list of every item that they bought since dealing with Marks."

McGee let out a sigh of relief and high-fived you. "Now we can get some rest." He mumbled, closing his eyes and resting his head on the back of his chair, as you gave him a sad look.

"It's actually time for us to officially clock in for the day. So, no rest for us."

You both got up and showed Abbie the information you found and agreed that you all needed to shower and get changed. Heading to the agency's bathroom, you showered and got changed. On your way back, your stomach started feeling weird, but you just blew it off that you didn't have anything in your system but steak that you ate hours ago.

You made it to your desk up on the main floor and sat back as the team filed in. Once Gibbs was in, McGee and you listened in on what they found on the night raid of the warehouse. Which was basically nothing, but they did end up getting three new laptops and one desktop computer for you both to now go through. Which you and McGee were not happy about going through.

McGee pulled up the account that you found, and you both started to explain what was in it when you got the sudden urge to throw up. Gasping your hand over your mouth, you made a break for the bathroom and hurled once you safely made it inside of the stall.

Ziva came in a few minutes after you and helped hold your wet hair back as you continued to throw up. "Are you okay?" She asked when you finally were able to catch your breath.

"I think so. I think I just need food." You got up and washed your hands, and Ziva handed you your travel bag with toothbrush and toothpaste. "Ugh, I love you, thank you." She replied with a wink, and you headed back when the smell of coffee hit you, making you nauseous, and once again, you were sprinting to the bathroom.

You were like that for a week straight. A sudden smell that was normally fine made you want to vomit and all morning long you'd be puking.

You were dreading taking the test. You didn't want to be right, but you had a feeling you were. You missed your period, and you didn't even realize cause you were deep into a case, and that was weeks ago. You were hoping Gibbs wouldn't notice too much, hoping he thought it was a stomach bug. You haven't had sex in a while, but the math was making sense, and you were hoping this time that it wasn't correct.

Placing the three little sticks down on the counter, you started the timer and stood back next to Abbie and Ziva. Both girls had caught on the first day the vomiting started and encouraged you to take some at home tests before seeing a doctor.

The timer went off and you took in a shaky breathe not dare to see what the tests said. "I can look if you'd like." Ziva asked, rubbing your shoulder. She went over to look after you nodded your reply and didn't say anything for a minute.

"Well," Abbie said as she got impatient, giving a light squeeze to your arm, "what does it say?"

"All three are positive. You're pregnant."

-------------------------- ~~ ----------------------------

Every time you tried to tell Gibbs, his phone would ring, and you'd be on a new case. It's like his phone would know when you would try to bring it up. You both didn't get any time together, going home to your separate houses, and then starting the day solving a murder. When you did get time with him and a new case didn't present itself, he was being pulled away by his phone from victims or family members affected by the crimes he solved that needed to talk. You were happy that he was continuing to help those affected, but it was all starting to get frustrating. You were already nervous enough about the future now with your little one, and every chance that you didn't get to tell him was making you more anxious and frustrated.

It was a month after you found out you were pregnant and you already had your first two doctor's appointments. You were slightly showing since it was two months in, and the nausea was at its peak, and your food cravings were starting.

You were hungry, and your craving for dumplings was getting stronger as you sat there listening to Tony go on about a movie franchise. All of it was starting to piss you off.

"Would you shut up?" You asked, annoyed as you typed away on your computer. Tony got quiet and looked at Ziva questioningly. You never raised your voice, not once since you started working with them. You were always surprisingly in a decent mood because you knew your line of work was hard mentally, so being in a good mood even if it was a lie helped the team and you to calm down when things got tough.

You typed away, unaware that the team got up and was whispering quietly about you. "What are you doing, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked, breaking up their conversation.

"Um, boss, something is wrong with Y/N. She just snapped at me." Tony said, pointing at you with a nervous smile.

"Well, did you think you might've deserved it?" Gibbs asked, and Tony shook his head no.

"Y/N, go get some food with the team. No one's ate yet today." Gibbs called out to you, knowing you could get a little grumpy with an empty stomach, which he's heard you call it being hangry.

By now, your cravings were gone, and the nausea had replaced it. "I'm fine." You answered Gibbs back and continued typing away.

"I'm not asking you if you want to go. I'm telling you to go." Gibbs said, pulling out his phone as it started ringing. He shooed you to leave, which pissed you off even more causing you to lash out.

"No, I won't follow your dumb order," you said louder than necessary as you stood up. "I'm not hungry, I was five minutes ago, but now I'm just nauseous. But hey, you wouldn't know that because you barely even speak to me about anything but work, and anytime I try to talk to you, that stupid phone goes off! It's always on, ringing away." By now, you were too far gone into your rant to stop yourself. You realized all your frustrations were just going to all spill out as you made your way over to the team and grabbed Gibbs phone, ending the call. "This phone is always on for others to talk to you, but hell, I can't even get in a two minute conversation with you. You can talk to people for hours while we deal with their cases, but you can't even spare me, your own team member and girlfriend, just a few minutes of your time."

Gibbs looked shocked for a second before annoyance replaced it. "What are you trying to say, Y/LN? Just say it now." He got up close to you, taking his phone back, and said your last name, something he now reserved for under stressful situations or when he was upset with you, which it was never really the latter.

"Gibbs, I'm pregnant! I have been for the past two damn months, but you can't even be bothered to listen to me to tell you! I've been trying to since I've found out, but it's always interrupted by that damn phone." You shouted out the first part only for it to slowly be taken over by a shaky voice as tears streamed down your cheeks. "I've been so nauseous and have had such weird cravings, and I can't even share it with you. You just always leave me... Hell, even on cases, you leave me behind always, never learning anything. I'm just so frustrated and scared..."

Gibbs stood silent, as did the rest of the team, who watched in horror as the news finally came out.

Gibbs shook his head and gave out a small chuckle. "Yeah, no." He laughed. "If this is some type of joke, it isn't funny, Y/LN."

"It's not a joke. I'm pregnant." Your voice barely a whisper.

He looked at you, then back at the team, then back to you, shaking his head. He didn't say anything after that and just left.

-------------------------- ~~ ----------------------------

Four months had gone by, and you were definitely showing. Gibbs would barely speak to you unless it was to ask something regarding the case. You realized after he walked out after hearing you were pregnant that you were doing this yourself.

You were six months into your pregnancy. You were absolutely loving it after the nausea went away. The random craving weren't always fun, but they were getting better, especially when you figured out what your favourite ones were.

Vance had asked you not to put yourself in the line of fire after finding out you were pregnant, and you promised him you wouldn't do anything reckless, but your job was to catch the bad guys. No one but the team and Vance, who found out via Ducky, who the father was and made sure that you were being taking care of if needed.

They helped you figure out what you needed, and all took turns going to your prenatal classes. Ducky even offered you to move in with him at his home when your lease was up until you finally found a house to buy to start your family. Palmer was always down to helping you find the most randomest food when you craved them, while Abbie would talk to your bump about chemistry and forensics so when the little one came out, they would be a super genius. Tony and McGee stepped in in every way a protective older brother could, and Ziva always put herself in front of you out in the field as a protection.

It was a rainy day, and you were all headed out to catch your suspect when Gibbs blocked the elevator door and pushed the button for it to close before you could hop on. He stood there looking down at you while you glared up at him. "What?"

"It's too dangerous out. You need to stay here and keep yourself safe."

"I'll be fine. I've been doing it for months, and I know how to move around." Which you did. Ziva and yourself figured out ways to help you shoot and take down a suspect, all while working around your ever growing belly.

"I don't care if you've been doing it for months. Stay here where it's safe."

You rolled your eyes and out your hands on your hips upset. "Why do you care? You haven't cared since I told you about the baby four months ago. Why worry now?"

Gibbs just stated at you and repeated himself from before, "It's too dangerous out, I'm not letting you go. Stay here."

"No! I'm going! I did a ton of work figuring everything out and I want to arrest this guy." You were getting frustrated but you kept it cool not wanting to give the whole floor a show.

Gibbs placed his hands on your shoulders and turned you around forcing you back to your office chair. Sitting you down, he knelt in front of you and suddenly took off your shoes. "What are you doing?"

He didn't say anything, just placed each foot on his thighs as he began to massage them, making you moan out quietly as he rubbed your swollen feet. After a few minutes, you totally had forgotten about your fight to go arrest your suspect and just was focused on your feet, finally feeling better.

"I didn't know if I could be a father again," Gibbs whispered as he continued to massage your feet. "I was so afraid after I lost my family that I would lose the next, so I never put myself out there to try again. Then you showed up. I realized that that option was put back on the table again as it became real. Then, all the stress and the worries I felt that I kept bottled up came to the surface. I couldn't believe you were pregnant. I was ecstatic, but I was also terrified. And those fears didn't let me celebrate." He took in a deep breath and continued, "The past few months, I've watched from behind the shadows to make sure you were okay. I know the team would do anything you needed, but I made sure that anything you needed that they couldn't do, I would do. I needed you safe, but I knew you could take care of yourself, and the team would step in at any moment to take a bullet for you. But now you're showing so much more, closer to your due date, and I can't risk you getting hurt."

You stared at him in surprise. You never heard Gibbs talk for that long all at once for as long as you've known him. Once you processed everything, you looked up at him as he held your feet on his lap, giving you a sad smile. "I know I shouldn't ask for your forgiveness. You've done everything on your own, but I do want to protect you, keep you both safe, and make sure that you and the baby are happy and loved."

Giving him a small smile, you lifted his face to look at you. "The past six months have been a rollercoaster, and I wish you had been on that ride. You weren't there for me when I needed you. Our baby only knows your voice stern and calling out for answers. I now am used to your voice in that way and not the caring and loving side I know you have. I'm thankful you shared your thoughts with me. It truly means a lot. But if you want to be a part of my life and my baby's, then things need to change."

"I'll do whatever you need me too, Y/N." He gave your belly a small kiss.

"Everything is starting back from square one. Our relationship inside of work and personal. You can't hold me back from learning here. It's the only way I'll grow. I know you want to protect me, but you can't bear all the weight alone." You sighed lightly as you caught him nodding slowly to your words. "For our personal relationship, well, you need to show me that you're not going to walk out like you did. That you are going to open yourself to change, I can't hide part of who I am just to try to make things work. If you love me, then you need to love all of me, including the parts that you may not understand. My baby needs to know that their dad loves them and is willing to learn about the things they are interested in as they grow up so they can do the same with others."

He gently took your hands in his and rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. "I'll do whatever it takes to show you that I am staying for you and our child. I know I am not a man of change or words, but for you, I can be when needed. I'll try to be more open for you and our child. I want our family more than anything. And the phone will be staying off or on silent. "

"Thank you." You chuckled at the last bit.

"Now, can I please bring you home to help you soak your feet? I don't think your shoes will go back on your feet." He laughed as he tried to put back on your shoes.

"Honestly, I would love that." You ruffled his hair, "But, I'm not walking outside without shoes on."

"I got you." He winked as he put your shoes in your bag as he grabbed it and helped you up as you made your way to the elevator. Once you hit the parking garage, he picked you up like you weighed nothing and carried you to his car as he chuckled at your laughing in shock over him being playful.

You could feel his muscles under you move, slightly turning you on, as he opened the door to the car, holding you in one arm, and gently placing you inside.

He got in and helped you buckle up, placing a soft kiss on your lips before starting the car and heading to his place, his hand finding yours and holding it tightly looking at you occasionally with the biggest smile on his face as he realized that he was finally going to have another shot at having a family.

Hey guys, I hoped you enjoyed reading this! It was a new type of topic for me to write and I wanted to play around. Let me know what you think! If you have any ideas or requests please let me know, I'd love to write something for you! :) Byeeeeeeeeeeee

[bellamer]

Man alright I’ve deduced it and here’s who absolutely did and didn’t tell Kaidan about Shepard and Garrus

Garrus- If Kaidan wasn’t on speaking terms with Shepard for joining Cerberus, why would he actively reach out to talk to Garrus ? And if Garrus was too busy to shoot Shepard a “U good” message to his girl Kaidan was definitely the last one on his mind.

Liara- Literally what reason would she have ? I’d assume she was too busy with shadow broker shit and her studying the prothean artifact unless she just did it to be mean because Geena originally rejected Liara for Kaidan and then moved onto Garrus like Kaidan was nothing but in ME3 she still assumes that she still has a thing for Kaidan but I don’t think it was her unless she wanted to be a bitch even though I don’t know how she’d know about Shepard and Garrus in the first place since she was too busy playing with her shiny new shadow broker toys.

Tali- Again, if he wasn’t on speaking terms with Shepard he wouldn’t be on speaking terms with her now matter how much she claims to hate Cerberus. If he didn’t believe his girlfriend why would he believe tali ? Also I can’t see them talking outside of a work basis anyways.

James- He didn’t even know that Kaidan knew Shepard so I doubt he knows their romantic history and he just freshly met Garrus while Kaidan was still comatose in the hospital and depending on how you play Garrus and Shepard might not even rekindle their romance until after visiting Kaidan or whatever. I don’t know, I know it wasn’t this idiot.

EDI- She’s way too smart for that and I can’t understand any scenario where she’d drop the bomb on Kaidan on their mission to mars since that’s the only time they interacted until he officially comes back but that’s way after he already confronted Shepard

Now let me tell you who it could have been:

Dr Chakwas- She cares about Kaidan deeply and even though she did join up with Cerberus she wasn’t officially part of them. She took a leave of absence from her actual job because the Cerberus thing was just a “temporary gig and Shepard needed her” and I can see her visiting him in the hospital and telling him that she knows Shepard and Kaidan had a thing but to not get his hopes up. She might have let it slip so that Kaidan doesn’t find out that hard way and gets hurt.

Joker- Even though he joined up with Cerberus too he technically started “ working” under the alliance again and since EDI only “obeyed” his commands and the alliance was too dumb to figure it out and he still had direct contact with Anderson, I figure he could convince Kaidan to have a drink with him. He probably accidentally let it slip and said that he wouldn’t say more and to just “ask Shepard”

Thane- If Thane is still alive in the play through it’s mentioned that he and Kaidan met in the hospital and while talking he probably let it slip and Shepard and Garrus hooked up but refused to say more once he saw the look on Kaidan’s face, knowing that he misspoke.

Any other answer kind of doesn’t make sense as to who snitched to Kaidan. Like it would take several convoluted reasons to explain to me why Urdnot Wrex, Kasumi, Grunt, Miranda, Jacob or whoever would go out of their own way to tell Kaidan that Shepard moved on like a day after they broke up but whatever

[loverselegy]

Could I humbly ask for a lil fic about Nirvana's confession before the disease? How did it happen, and did we reject him or did we not have time to answer???

-🦊

I was gonna merge this ask with another ask kiiiiiinda like it but I wanted to actually write this one out, so..... More Nirvana soon.

Male Yandere OC (Nirvana) x GN Reader

In the beginning, his feelings never dawned on him. He found you attractive, sure, but also annoying. To put it simply, he hated you.

The two of you officially met at a coffee shop he and his friends were regulars at, though he had seen you around previous, being neighbors and all. He ignored you, for the most part, until his friends decided to start poking fun at him.

"Dude, I bet you won't ask them out!" One of them jeered, pointing at where you sat innocently huddled up in your booth.

"You're right," Nirvana chuckled, a smirk lining his lips. "I won't."

His friends all made "ooh" and "aah" sounds, jabbing him in his sides and cackling at his cold behavior. He smiled, their jokes more than funny enough to him. So, for the sake of this "joke," he got up and asked you out. He was smooth, leaning against your table and asking for your number.

"No," Was your simple reply, pushing him away from the booth and making your way out of the shop.

His friends practically roared with laughter, his eyebrows knitting together and his face flushed as he watches you leave.

You won't get away with this.

He started doing petty things. Things like tripping you when you two walked past each other, and leaving glitter bombs in your mail.

You grew tired of it quickly, but he began to realize he was having fun. He'd scheme late into the night on how he could annoy you, finding ways to keep you on your toes.

Eventually, he was told by a concerned family member that, no, it isn't normal to think about your self-proclaimed rival at every second of every day. After that, he started losing even more sleep, curled up in bed wondering why he spent most of his time thinking about you, the irony of the situation not lost on him.

He starts to think that... maybe, just maybe, he kind of likes you.

The pranks and jabs stopped after a while. He seemed to have lost interest in you, at least from your perspective. On his end, he spent hours of his life scribbling away in a notebook, trying to figure out the right words to say to get you to understand his feelings.

Eventually, he gave up, deciding that whatever words he utters will have to do.

So, he was at your door, his feet shuffling beneath him as he stared into your eyes.

"I'm sorry, I think I like you!" He blurted out, his fists nervously clenched at his sides.

You stayed silent for a moment, both of you watching each other for a very, very long time.

"Tch," You huffed, rolling your eyes. "Not funny."

You closed the door in his face.

Fuck.

[akookminsupporter]

JIMIN AND THE APATHY OF THE FANDOM TO SUPPORT HIM.

The constant apathy of the fandom in general to support Jimin's projects has made me question more than once if it's really his fandom too or if it's just a part - quite a big part I'm sure - of the fandom that is a fan of him. 

Here we are again. New year. New post. Same topic. ARMY's apathy to support Jimin. Different excuses, same result.

I haven't talked much about this topic on my blog these days because I'm honestly tired of the damn negativity and because I was dealing with more negativity in my normal life, but I want to say something about everything that happens whenever Jimin releases a song, no matter if it's solo or with someone else.

It's not the first time I've made a post like this and I don't think it will be the last either, but I'd like to be wrong.

The apathy, the disaffection this fandom, in general, feels about Jimin is disturbing. Jimin's achievements are good when they serve to show them off to an "enemy" fandom but when it comes time to support him, everyone has excuses.

It happened last year and it happened again this week.

The absurd fights between kpop fandoms have always seemed absurd to me, although some I can understand but for that to be an obstacle to support the one who is supposed to be your favourite artist seems stupid to me.

From what I could read over the weekend, and before the official release of 'VIBE', several people were saying that they didn't like the artist that Jimin decided to collaborate with. The reasons I don't fully understand and frankly, that's not the problem, the problem is that their problem with that artist and his fans outweighs the love and respect they supposedly have for Jimin and that's something my brain doesn't quite understand. To be honest, my brain has never entirely understood the reasons that many people use for not supporting Jimin's projects as they do with the projects of the other members.

I've always wondered why that happens, why that feeling of rejection almost, that many in this fandom feel for Jimin. I myself have said that it's envy, stupidity and fear and although I still believe it's all that, I think it's something else too. And someday I'd like to know what it is.

This week when many Jimin fanbase and fansites were asking to buy and stream the song 'VIBE' to take it to number one on the charts, many replied asking why, that they better do it for Jimin's solo album, that this honour should be won by him alone and not in collaboration with someone else, the answers are obviously stupid, but at the same time it's sad to read the excuses that many use only when it's about Jimin. That didn't happen with Jungkook, RM and Hobi's recent collaborations, none of them was for their solo albums, they were all for someone else's album and yet ARMY did the best they could, to support them.

The Korean press today basically confirmed that Jimin's album will be released next month. This may be the ultimate test by which many will measure this fandom and their support and respect for Jimin. Many used the excuse that they better save their efforts for Jimin's solo debut, well, let's hope they are true to their word, there will be no more excuses that will be valid, not that the others have any validity.

I've always said that Twitter is not the representation of the fandom, it's only a tiny part of it and while I still hold that opinion, I also understand that on Twitter are many of the most important accounts that organise everything from voting to chart tracking and even funding, so it's worrying and sad that those accounts and therefore their followers don't seem to put the same effort they do for other members when it comes to Jimin.

I am aware that this fandom is quite large and while there are many, probably thousands of "fans" who are apathetic to all things Jimin there are also millions who love him. Who supports him and is excited about whatever Jimin decides to show us on his album. I'm definitely one of them.

I was excited when the guys announced that they would be doing more solo projects, including albums. I can't wait for what they all show us, everything we've seen and heard so far has been great! And so, I can't wait to see and listen to what Jimin has to show. I know it will be unique, I know it will be great, and I know Jimin will once again prove why he is not only the IT Boy of Korea but also, the IT Boy of music.

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

it's officially november 2024. I can't believe ive been on HRT for 10 years. I want to feel accomplished, but I don't.

Im just kind of sad about things. I had to do so much stupid shit that I never wanted to do and jump through so many hoops and wait for so long and hurt myself a whole lot and pretend to be someone else at appointments just to get these meds, and I still have to do it all the time. It just blows. Sometimes, they don't even bother giving me the correct dosages. They laugh and cut the dose, or they just don't send the refill into the pharmacy for a week. "An error." One time, I called the insurance company refill hotline in desperation. The guy that answered the first time was in Alabama and he just said my meds were too dangerous to refill and hung up. The second guy was in Minnesota, and he said similar but tried to justify himself. Apparently, there was a serious risk of cervical cancer. I told him i didn't have a cervix to get cancer in because I have a penis and that I felt ill without my meds, but he told me we still couldn't rule out the risk. Whatever. I will spend my whole day's wages on price-gauged meds online. I don't care. I will order more if I have to. I will take them without blood tests if you don't put in my lab orders. I will lie to you and stop taking my meds the night before my test if I know you are just going to say my estrogen levels are "dangerously high" every time I go in. I'll shut my mouth if you're just going to tell me I know nothing about this treatment I've been doing with and without medical supervision every day for 10 years. I don't care. Why do I have to do this shit?

I lost all my before-times friends because I was a total asshole and didnt care about anything, and then the rest left for other reasons. They either didn't like my lifestyle or just drifted away because I had to move 100 miles away to even get a realistic chance to transition. Everybody but my wife leaves. I love her so much. Even other trans people leave. They get caught up in their own problems and ghost me, or i get caught up in mine and ghost them. Some of them aren't alive anymore or probably aren't alive anymore. Nobody cares how you felt about them or how much you trusted them, though. To them, they're just names on a screen. They never understand how it feels, for some reason. It's weird having to socialize online out of necessity and then having the value of those relationships diminished by people who reject you categorically. I feel like those relationships were often realer, anyways. She couldnt make eye contact with you, but she was in our chat talking about wanting to die and boys she wished gave her the time of day. Yeah, i mostly called her a fake name. We all have a bunch of them. I still liked her a lot better than you, and she knew way more about me than my parents.

Whatever. I'm tired. Goodnight and happy Halloween and November

It's been 10 years and now I have woman sadness instead of twink sadness. Maybe I can schedule a surgery consult by the end of the year

Whatever

[bteezxyewriter12]

Just The Way You Are/ 8

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader

Word count- 3.5k

Includes- Angst

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @aichanvlog @vemarkciraptor @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @hijirikaww

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝 ATEEZ Masterlist 📝 Seonghwa Masterlist

Seonghwa POV

"Are you sure this is ok?", I ask Hongjoong, pulling on the vest

He looks over at me, "Yeah Hwa, you look really good. The rock vibe suits you"

Yeah but I feel uncomfortable

This is not my choice of clothing but I decided to try something different for his show

For her

I had Hongjoong buy me some rock clothes and boots that she would like

This is the kind of guy she goes for and I can be that for her

I also slicked my hair back how she likes

I already had the undercut, it's my normal hair cut so it was easy to do my hair

I managed to shove the daily contacts I bought yesterday in my eyes and at least they're working, although I have to blink so much as I'm so not used to them

I even let Hongjoong put eyeshadow on me

Now I asked Hongjoong to pick some of his accessories that I could wear

"Here", he says handing me a chain necklace and a spiked collar

That collar looks fucking dangerous

I'm given bracelets, fingerless gloves and a pink studded belt

"Pink belt?", I ask

"Goes with the red"

"Oh, alright", I say, heading back to my room to put this stuff on

"You don't have to do this you know"

I stop at his doorway, turning back to him, "What?"

"You don't have to dress like this to impress her", he says, "She already likes you the way you are"

I know she likes me enough to sleep with me

I want her to want to be with me

And if I have to change the way I dress to get her, I will

"Her type of guy is like you. Not me. I'm showing her I can be the kind of guy she wants", I answer

Hongjoong shakes his head, "You already got her and you don't even know it"

I start shaking my head but he just continues

"You do Seonghwa. I've never seen her spend so much time with one guy she's not officially dating. She's with you all the time. And not just to have sex. To watch TV with you. To read classic books with you. To spend time with you. Sleeping over in your bed with you. She's never done that before. She likes her space, she can find endless things to do alone and be perfectly fine. She didn't even spend as much time with me as she does with you and we were dating"

That maybe so but it's been months and I still don't know what we are or if she even has feelings for me

All the things he just said....friends could do that too

Definitely friends with benefits could do

"She smiles when she looks at you. When you're sitting with her on the couch, writing out your notes for your class, she's just looking at you, smiling. You make her happy"

"Not enough to date. I know she thinks I'm a huge dork. A loser. And if changing my style will help me get her, I'll do it"

I'll change whatever I have to for her

He shakes his head, "Maybe at first but not anymore. Trust me she likes you the way you are. Like I said, you already have her, just open your dumb mouth and tell her how you feel"

So much easier said than done

Especially for him

He has so much confidence that even if he did get rejected he wouldn't let it bother him

I'm not like that

Around a girl I like, I'm nervous, stuttering, shy

And I more than like her

I love her

And getting rejected from her would be devastating

He doesn't understand that

"Thanks for these", I tell him, heading back to my room

"Hwa", he starts

"I'll see you at the bar!", I yell, closing my door

I know he's trying to help but his opinions are just that

Opinions

Not fact

One by one, I put the accessories he gave me on

I'm extremely careful with the spiked collar, not wanting to hurt myself on it

It's not as sharp as I thought but still I don't want a puncture wound

Leaving my room, I walk to the hallway closet, open the door and, looking at myself in the full length mirror hanging on the door

I look completely different

Not like myself at all

I'm not too happy with the vest exposing my arms like this

The pants are weird, with cloth attachments to them and my feet feel so huge in theses boots

I admit I look good in the outfit but it's not me

And I would never wear this for anyone else

But for her, I'll do anything

Back in my room, I put my wallet in the back pocket as well as my keys

These pants are kinda tight and I can't fit much in the pockets

My phone barely fits in the front pocket

I force my glasses case with my glasses in other back pocket

I'm definitely taking them as I'm not sure I can handle these contacts all night

I hope this works because I don't know how much longer I can pretend not to love her

Leaving the apartment, I head to my car, hoping she likes the outfit

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

J POV

I walk into the bar, pulling down on the dress I'm wearing

I fucking hate dresses

But Seonghwa likes them on his girls and I want to be his

I can't believe that I actually fell in love with him

He's just everything I could ever want and more

And I have no idea how he feels about me

I know he thinks I'm hot enough to sleep with and we are friends

But I don't think he feels like that for me

He probably thinks I'm an easy slut

I mean I did give him that impression from constantly sleeping with him

And our conversation the other day about our types of significant others confirms that he goes for the preppy girls

So I bought a dress- white lace on the bodice and yellow skirt, white flat shoes and a yellow headband so I could dress how he likes

Be the kind of girl he likes

Maybe this will make him see me as more than just a slut to bang

I hope so

I'll change anything for him

Scanning the bar, I'm looking for Hongjoong or his girlfriend, Hyeon

I've been to this bar before for Hongjoong's shows

It's a popular metal bar

There's a stage for bands to play, a floor in front of the stage for people to rock out to the music, tables and couches around the rest of the room and a sort of balcony for the second floor

The actual bar is in the back and there's pool tables near it

I used to be here all the time when I dated Hongjoong

For shows and for his band practices

"Jo, hi!"

Looking to my right, Hyeon is smiling at me

"Hi Hyeon", I greet, giving her a brief hug, "Where's Joongie?"

"Backstage. You just made it"

I know

I was running late and the Uber took forever to get here

"C'mon, we're near the front. Hwa is already here"

I swallow hard and nod, following her

We weave through the crowd to get to the front

It's a great turn out tonight

Hongjoong and his band are very popular and they're music is actually really good

We get to the front where Seonghwa is waiting

The second I see him, I gape

At his outfit

At how incredibly hot he is

Holy shit

The sleeveless vest showing his muscular arms

The black pants and the boots

His hair and the fucking collar

God the rock scene suits him so well

But while he looks so sexy and all, this isn't my Seonghwa

My Seonghwa wears button down shirts, ties, slacks

Tshirts and sweatpants when he's comfortable at home

And his glasses

He's missing his glasses

My Seonghwa is a dork, he's sexy in his own way

His eyes find me, gaping at me, "Wow"

Wow is right

For him, not me

"Hi", I say shyly

"Hi", he says

We're both staring at each other like idiots but I can't tear my eyes from him

I don't know why he's dressed so differently

He's come to Hongjoong's shows before and every time he wears his normal clothes like slacks and a button down shirt

I wonder what's the occasion

"You look...", he trails off

"You too", I say, hoping he likes the dress

I hate it but if he likes it, then it's worth it

Right then the lights dim and Hongjoong and his band come out on stage

I force my gaze away from Seonghwa, looking to the stage

Hongjoong is standing in the front, surrounded by his band members

Hongjoong's the lead singer and screamer

Jongho is to his right and he's another vocalist, his voice so high and powerful

Mingi is on his left and he's the rapper of the group, his verses seamlessly mixing into the songs

San is the lead guitarist, Yunho rhythm guitar, Wooyoung the bassist and Yeosang on drums

San starts playing the guitar and it's heavy and loud right away

As his close friend, I know all of Hongjoong's bands songs and he lets me hear their new ones early

This is a new one

Jongho starts singing as the song gets underway

The song is good but I can't concentrate

Not with Seonghwa next to me

I'm so tense

I realize I haven't been out with him in public

We're always at one of our apartments, hanging out there

We spend a lot of time in bed and I don't know how to act with him right now in front of people

Hongjoong's scream makes me jump, taking me out of my thoughts

I glance at Seonghwa, his eyes watching Hongjoong and the band

His face isn't giving away anything but I know this isn't his idea of a good time

As if he knows I'm looking at him, he glances at me

Seeing me already looking at him, he smiles

I smile back, my face on fire as I yell at myself for getting caught staring at him

Forcing my gaze back to the stage, I try to concentrate on my friend

A new song starts, this time Mingi starting it with a rap

Hyeon is rocking out, jumping and yelling Hongjoong's name

I wish I could get into the music like she is

Normally I do

But there's a glaring reason why I'm standing still that only I know why

I need to chill out

I'm here for Hongjoong and I should be paying attention to him

I keep my hands in front of me, clutching my bag tightly

Glancing around the crowd, I notice a girl a few people down from me eyeing Seonghwa, looking him up and down, like she's ready to pounce

I want to take his hand or hug him, show her somehow that he's mine

But he's not, so I keep my hands to myself

He's not even paying attention to her right now, his eyes on the stage but I know he'll eventually see her

And I don't know what will happen

If he'll go for her or not

I don't even know if he sleeps with other girls besides me

I have no idea how he acts around other girls

If he flirts

If he smiles at them

I'm jealous and I fucking hate it

I'm not a jealous person at all

I didn't care about the groupies Hongjoong's band had and I was actually dating him

But I'm jealous over someone I'm not dating?

I know why it's different though

I didn't love Hongjoong

I love Seonghwa

As I stand there freaking out, I suddenly feel an arm around me

I know it's Seonghwa

I know how his arms feel as I spend a ridiculous amount of time with them around me

I look up at him and he smiles, softly pulling me in front of him

I go willingly, leaning against his chest, his arms around my waist

I feel him kiss the top of my head and I relax against him, moving my hand over one of his and lacing our fingers

He holds on tightly and I finally feel like I can breathe

Hopefully that girl is watching and knows he's with me

I turn my attention to the band and now I feel like I can get into the concert

They play song after song, my head softly headbanging to the beat as I sing along and cheer with the rest of the crowd when each song ends

Now that I'm at ease I'm having a blast

---------------------------

"I'm going to the bathroom", I tell Seonghwa

He nods, moving his arm from around my waist

I stand from the couch and make my way to the back of the bar

After Hongjoong's band played, me, Seonghwa and Hyeon went to go grab couches so we could hang out

Hongjoong and his band mates came out and all of us have been drinking and having a good time

Well I haven't drank anything yet and neither has Seonghwa

He's been by my side the whole night, sitting next to me and discreetly holding my hand or keeping his arm around me

I don't think he knows how to act with us in public either and he's taking the safer route

I don't mind and I make sure he knows what he's doing is ok with me by smiling at him or nodding

Of course there's a line for the girls bathroom

I sigh, waiting

Why is there always a line?

It's so annoying

Why can't girls just go, pee and leave instead of hanging around with their friends?

It takes ten minutes for me to get into a stall and I'm finished in less than one

Ridiculous

I wash my hands then finally leave the bathroom and head back to everyone

As I get closer, I lift my head and stop in my tracks when I catch sight of Seonghwa

Of the same girl that was eyeing him during the concert, practically in his lap, throwing herself at him

As she talks to him, she touches him, her arm around him, her other hand running along his bicep

And he just sits there, like nothing is happening

Like he wasn't just holding me

The pain that hits my chest is agonizing

'Well what the fuck did you think Joanne?", I ask myself, 'That he'd want you?"

Of course not

I'm not his type

He ate me out as a favor to me and Hongjoong and it just went into free sex for him

I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be with

I didn't know seeing him with someone else would hurt so much

But I have no claim to him

He can do whatever he wants

I can't take my eyes off him, tears welling in my eyes as the girl laughs, her fingers running in the back of his hair

I know he likes that

He loves having his hair touched in anyway and I've always done it for him

Now someone else is

God I need to get a grip

"You ok Jo?", Hyeon asks, scaring the fuck out of me

I didn't know she was standing next to me

"Fine", I answers hoarsely

She looks at me then at Seonghwa then back at me and I hope she doesn't say anything

"You love him", Hyeon says

"What?", I ask, playing it off like I didn't hear her, wiping my eyes

Of course she's gonna say something because I have no fucking luck at all

"Seonghwa. You love him"

I snort, "Hyeon, come on-"

"Jo please ok? I can tell. You look like your whole world just fell apart the second you saw that girl with him. I saw it", she says, "And Joong knows. He talks about how much time you spent with Hwa and how happy you seem to be with him"

Oh god even Hongjoong noticed my feelings for Seonghwa

Have I been that obvious?

And how ironic is it that Seonghwa is the only one who doesn't see it?

"And so what if I do love him?", I snap, gesturing to him, "Clearly he doesn't feel like that for me"

"You don't know that. You just need to talk to him"

No

That's the last thing I need to do

I can't hear him reject me

I need to cut it off with him and get over him

This whole thing with him was never supposed to go this far

"No thanks. I'm just gonna go home. Tell Joong I'll see him soon"

"Jo-"

"Please Hyeon. I can't ok?", I ask

I really don't want to talk about it now

Or ever

"Ok", she sighs

I nod, then head to the couch to get my bag

"And my roommate is at her boyfriend's for tonight so we'll be alone", she's saying to Seonghwa

I swallow hard, pushing the tears back, looking for my bag

Which of course the girl is sitting on

Why?

I just wanted to make a quick escape

"Excuse me", I say to the girl

She gives me a dirty look, "What?"

Oh yeah I wanna punch her right in her mouth

"You're sitting on my bag"

"Oh"

She moves and I grab it from under her skanky ass

Seonghwa is watching me and I just give him a quick smile, then turn to leave

"Jo, uh, where are you going?", he calls

I close my eyes and breathe in before I plaster a smile to my face and turn back to him

"I'm gonna go. I'm really tired and sleepy. I'm just gonna drag the night down and be cranky so it's better if I go home"

He nods, completely ignoring the girl and standing up, "Let's go"

I raise my eyebrow, then look at the girl who's scowling at me

As much as I hate it, I'm not gonna stop him from getting some if she's willing to give it to him

"Oh no, you stay. You're busy, it's fine. I'll just Uber it"

He blinks in confusion, "I'm not busy. I'll take you home"

"Uh...", I say, my eyes darting to the girl then back to him

What's happening?

He comes closer to me, taking my hand, his thumb running across the back of my hand, "I'll bring you home"

"Seonghwa, you really don't have to"

"It's fine Jo. I don't mind", he says, tugging my hand, completely ignoring the girl as he leads me to the exit

"I'll text Joong and let him know we left", he says, pulling out his phone

I am so confused as to what's going on so I just keep quiet and let him lead me to his car

[unproduciblesmackdown]

vague musing theme re: deh in evan and the Mom & Son theme and evan taking on responsibility for how his own mom feels, and then also connor's. irreconcilable tension in deh, as in life, with [the family unit, at its smallest: a Parent & Child unit] inevitably needing to be validated via supporting whatever conclusion we get (and the conclusion support it in turn) versus whether, actually, that not only Can be enough but Must be enough, b/c of how it cannot be denied, that is: rejected

we have Parallel Moms in the first song, it's a relevant difference that the murphys are relatively rich & the hansens relatively poor, but the Primary effect of this difference being heidi's frequent absence at home due to working, vs. the lack of such financial pressures resulting in cynthia being....stuck at home and trying to figure out anything in life Through her role as Stay At Home Mom, whilest she also Isn't guaranteed more successful connection with her children (or husband, except that: he's Here, married to her) for that, as established already in that first song lol

evan right off the bat taking on the pressure of how his mom needs him to have a good year because also she needs to have a good year, and heidi talking about this in terms of things that evan needs to Do, like, he needs to Order Pizza*, he needs to be Making Friends & then Be Away Hanging Out With Them (*also i always consider how evan Could've avoided getting pizza to not spend the money? but nothing else (besides evan being conscious of financial woes & feeling pressure abt this more generally) really suggests this is the case, and i guess at any given point he has $20 to spare)....then referring to the Resolution of this relationship where suddenly heidi has a turning point offstage (like, offscreen lol) wherein now she can go "oh i didn't know you were Feeling like this" versus like. that the conflict the rest of the time is with her own feelings, of course, and evan's Behavior. wherein she doesn't really mind the bare facts that he's dealing with anxiety, has prescriptions & therapy about it, but she Has minded about the things he needs to Be Able To Do (specifically on his own, mind you) and what's important to Do to get there (despite the letters sure not seeming to help, and then like, never officially being written again. does he still go to therapy appts?)....and that she starts feeling rejected by him As His Mother, which is like, the main issue up until she reads thee letter via facebook and realizes [evan thinks he's failed heidi as her child, because of how he makes her feel (bad)]

that even when heidi refutes this, prior, it's not the answer when like, "you're the one good thing that ever happened to me" is also like about as much pressure as could be put on evan, The Answer here wouldn't necessarily be like "no don't worry, i don't reject you as my child, because of how you Don't make me feel bad / Disappointed"....cynthia illustrating this, though we have little sense of how connor felt, probably not like "i feel really secure b/c my mom definitely isn't disappointed or anything"....and then "sorry i can't give you more than that" from heidi as a followup is Effectively a shutdown to conversation b/c like, what can evan say to that, it's basically on par with something like a sarcastic "well sorry i'm not perfect / i guess i'm the worst parent ever" that's like yeah obviously nobody's perfect nobody's the Best Or Worst person ever, it's a dismissal. which i hardly think heidi's Trying to dismiss evan or anything, or is being disingenuous, but again like "i'm trying my best / i can't give you more than [my best, or your being the best thing in my life]" can't really serve as any kind of Concluding Remarks if the conclusion isn't just like "okay so we haven't reached a resolution but let's cut it out now"....it's fun how of course we can understand how then heidi would find it devastatingly hurtful for evan to be like "well it's not my fault other people can [give [me] more than that]" but it's also like welllll the only reason here it's Not true is because evan's (a) got his World Of Lies going on, which heidi doesn't know is part of this situation & (b) evan is looking for validation that he's Supported as a Child figure to the murphys in these pretty superficial ways lol as per the fantasy of the like ideal suburban untroubled nuclear family unit....cynthia's just Here, with time to cook, larry's just Here, with the willingness to impart his own interests onto evan, they don't know evan has [diagnosis: anxiety] going on, evan feels like he's making these parents feel Better and themselves validated as parents, via both his fiction about how connor was maybe happier than they know, and his performance about being this no-hassle no-problems no-friction child who's also just Here. unlike connor....like tbt like eh excise the part where evan does happen to be making things up to have gotten here, and like. is it so bad he stays at another family's house when his mom's out at work. would it be so [Bad poors] if the murphys paid for college for him. heidi clearly responding to this with a "sorry, our bootstraps, you know" reasoning but Really primarily rejecting it because she's thrown at the apparent realization that evan's Replacing her with the murphys, she's rejected as his Mother....as she makes explicit in the next scene, the I'm Your Mother & they're Not Your Family(tm) like. okay, and? again, she doesn't know evan Wasn't that secretly close to connor lol and part of the point of deh is these lies bleeding into truths from the start, and Why evan lies, which isn't just "b/c he's an evil sicko?" nor as an elaborate scheme to get at zoe though like, at this moment i'm trying to puzzle out what couldn't be improved by zoe Not being a murphy....

well anyways. the tension here being like "yeah when is One Person ever """"enough"""" for anyone else all on their own. why do we demand that happen" like How & Why. no single person could or should be Everything to someone else. we even see how like Two People really don't have the resources for their One Child together completely on their own, and why is it that it Should be whittled down and isolated as much as possible. wherein the costs of being a parent, one who is tasked with bringing up a child with as little external support as possible while also already getting little external support as an individual in the first place (which a spouse, again, One Person, is supposed to fulfill in any/all ways), is supposedly offset like "well the magic of parenthood will be (Should be. if you're a good enough parent (threat)) its own rewards....and btw the child is Yours. they're someone stuck in a house with you. you can have this fantasy about Who They'll Be and try to ensure they become that. sure you're in charge of them (a burden!) but also: you're in charge of them (you can be an authority figure in this one aspect of your life). you can Always have access to them no matter what, because of the fact that as soon as a child exists, you're Now & Forever Their Parent"....i'm your mother, they're not your family....how are cynthia's like Identity Crises that are expressed to her family through cooking resolved? well, so far as we know, they aren't, but hey she's not getting divorced. zoe implying that cynthia's problems are thanks to having nothing to do / not leaving the house, such that gee evan your mom's lucky she Has to work....while evan apparently feels like heidi at least in part is always going to work b/c she hates to be around him, since he's all like well i presume you're so Not Unhappy in being the Mother to my Child that that's why you're always at home, cooking every dinner....like, what happens there? does cynthia join a club? take up a hobby? is evan Right that it's chill being stuck at home if that household is happy (as is the "it's fine having women's lives be Staying At Home, if that household is good enough :)" ideal) like well not sure but the status update is: she's not getting divorced

anyways i'm arguing against the nuclear family including in its theoretical distillation of "well god a Parent & Child if that's the very best you can do" here lmao and uhh deh not so much since the mother & son aspect Must resolve, kind of like what's supposed to be required of the parent & child aspect irl. and not like i think it's terrible it Does resolve, or it shouldn't, in this Story, but it's a definite [shhhruggg] from me like yeah that's nice but like, what's evan have going for him besides "he doesn't think his mom hates him now" (better yeah) and "he has a customer service job" (like oh my god so sorry. is this supposed to be Better? like oh he can order pizzas now? idk we don't get enough detail. ppl just get a part time job like yeah it's fine. i also have part time schooling but i'm saying it's a year off?) and this is not disconnected from how i feel about the Evan Needs To Believe He Could Have The Theoretical Perfect Gf which has to be answered in the end by zoe like, yeah i Wish we could date without the history. alas....like, Huh. why is she saying this (a) as a character & (b) as the conclusion to this story? god knows, but not like we don't know the ideals of Romance are also considered keys to the success of the nuclear family, and are an interim goal even if you don't have the kids yet, or like a begrudged Alternate goal as the next most adjacent thing, being Single has to be as vulnerable as it is re: any material or emotional support as Needed, much less what is Wanted for any further fulfillment. down to destruct the nuclear family & romance in one fell swoop baby. pointing at the camera and deh you're first (this sentence is a joke, the previous one is humorous but fully in earnest. kind of like [jared & alana (especially alana re: the earnestness)])

anyways again this is all still vague lol just sure Noting how very relevant it is that evan is motivated by a sense of his responsibility in how he affects his mother's like overall emotional landscape. while heidi does derive / seek emotional support from evan. not like her kid can be Emotionally Irrelevant to her, or like there's no good & relevant way for evan to be aware of or interact with her feelings. or like all of this is saying the point i want to make is that heidi is terrible or something. the parent i'm firing out of a cannon & into the sun is larry though lol. like heidi, being a person, can be Imperfect, and have an imperfect relationship with anyone, including her son, and have feelings, and care about her role as a mother....and all this can Not be resolved by evan simply not hating her either, or by anything else All hinging on her son. like how idk how cynthia's gonna do better than she was even before she was a grieving parent when nothing's changed for her except that a manifestation of happier memories is i guess enough that her terrible marriage can be sustained lol. larry's arc starting out dismissive ending up dismissive, with some dismissiveness in between...an anti larry zone here for sure

meanwhile it's sure just Something that like, heidi transitions into this equivalent role with 2 of evan's Peers in good for you. other people having noted that heidi being previously Rejected & presumably also pretty much fully cut out of the life of her ex husband is playing into her feelings here: a relationship of hers with a Peer. just now as i type this being like hmm interesting to juxtapose this with [so big so small] moving Away from this perhaps by tapping into evan being like a very small child. while the murphy parents, again, find resolution in turn by remembering better times with also much younger than he was connor....aaand in both cases presumably less "difficult" children than when they're teens :I like i wouldn't have heidi Not be mad or anything, another whole point here is that i wouldn't expect nor demand deh to be like, issuing a Statement about "and everything you saw up here is a model of the ideal family experience okay," heidi can even feel petty about it or have whatever other reaction and of course she's gonna feel hurt but like when it comes to Good For You i'm like, alana's grievances? hell yes go off. jared's grievances? hell yes go off. heidi's grievances? yeah alright but actually i'm more so on evan's side on this one lol....even when this scene establishes a clear pattern of "evan is also being petty & hurtful to people on purpose with his remarks here as he lashes out at each of them as things come to a head and he's deflecting responsibility" like yeah. and i feel entirely sympathetic to jared and alana here and not Unsympathetic to heidi so much as there's very immediate limits to that and (a) i don't think shutting everything down Because We're Family / I'm Your Parent as a fallback to whatever you do To your kids or whatever you fail to do For them, is legitimate, positive, constructive, non coercive and (b) heidi does & has been looking too much to evan for emotional support. wherein, again, don't need to go "i guess it's b/c she's a terrible individual" when it's like, she lives in a society....what else Does she have? where else is she Supposed to get any & all emotional needs met outside the bounds of her household (family) and her role as a parent/mother?

which is not really unrelated to evan's situation out here wherein, where is He supposed to find support and get his needs met? he doesn't feel that [at home] is providing that, even with him at least in part blaming himself for that, b/c he's not a good enough child for his mother. he turns to school as an avenue for Friendship, and when alana doesn't singlehandedly fix his whole life with a Hi before homeroom, nor does jared, and btw connor wasn't gonna do that either even if the "again i'm sorry i pushed you" hadn't been [their interaction: gone to shit: 2], like uh oh once again One Person isn't being Everything by virtue of somehow the status of "friend" making everything inherently perfect, or, [making everything perfect] defining the status of "friend," see: For Forever. see: how in sincerely me you have jared & evan effectively discussing, by proxy & creative fiction & plausible deniability, the presence of Effort & Communication in a relationship, as well as pretty much laying out a mutual belief in / effort towards successfully Becoming the person you'd like to be through deciding on who that even is and then just like, trying to be them lol. a sentiment that could hardly be wholly dismissed, people having goals, inevitably changing so you may as well be trying to be growing, but that ofc they don't have the perfect ideas at 17 of who they wanna be, How to be that person, and they sure really don't have much support to draw on for whatever efforts, And this being driven too much by insecurity & self-loathing re: who they already are, no pressure from anyone around them....and evan of course ending up thinking well the only thing that could fix my life is Romance, a Gf. and then he's not only finding himself in a situation where he feels responsible for another mom's feelings (cynthia), and feels like how people can think of the concept of connor is how they can think about him, & As he's navigating those things he starts feeling like he's finding some of What He Needs, and he already felt like it was up to him alone to do that, so of course it all escalates / continues for the next like hour & a half....he Is isolated, they all are, and not just because like uh oh evan on that damn phone

and then idk it's like yeah heidi realizing evan was actually thinking She was gonna reject Him and she tells him she won't. and for some reason zoe has to crop up to reassure evan about his potential for romance in general; meanwhile she's doing fine b/c....her parents' marriage is doing better = they're going on dates = also how cynthia is doing okay? idk. and no status updates on the couple of peers who also had no friends, weren't dating anyone, and didn't really mention family except alana's grandmother having died and jared not telling his parents anything and then only mentioning them previously to basically avoid getting in trouble with them oh and also how they'll be gone for a weekend so he's inviting his boy best friend to hang out with him the whole time like HMM to all of that!!! like well i don't think deh is really Trying to reach the most Definitive Conclusions in its story & what it's exploring, and that's great b/c (a) yeah there's a lot going on in there! and (b) it sure doesn't lmao. and i would always be detached from & in disagreement with "idk but Nuclear Family & Nuclear Romance must be like, It, right" or "idk. just be more normal" lmao. where'd your gay little peers go for the past half hour. bring them back out here

anyways i said "vague" so that i didn't have to try to muster a thesis. like yeah just noting Evan Feeling Responsible For Moms' Feelings: His Own, & Connor's, as very relevant up to his mom reassuring him she can't Feel like rejecting him / doesn't hate him. evan making sure to Behave as conveniently as possible around the murphys, and around his mom as well; while what heidi tends to talk about is what evan can/should Do, including how he should be Trying to feel, and as ppl often notice she doesn't have great boundaries, and as i'm at least noting, does need validation from evan / puts her insecurity on him in turn where again up until so big so small she's worrying about him possibly rejecting her. though she does seem to be Over That upon realizing evan felt That Bad, actually, and like thank god yeah evan doesn't have dialogue about "yeah btw mom i will never disown you" lmao. can sure look at this as just like, well, some "doing the best with what one's got?" wherein uh oh we Don't have much support outside this household/family, so it's good to improve it....like yeah sure lol and would be good if it was good even if they did both have a zillion other important connections to turn to in their lives. again, let's destroy romance and the nuclear family. and a further improvement were if cynthia got a divorce and befriended heidi (awkward at first but idc. here: they meet at a social group for divorcees and go from there lmao)

[sooniessoulmate]

𝙳𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚈𝚘𝚞 - 𝚌𝚑.𝟹 - 𝙷𝚊𝚎𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜

𝚌𝚑.𝟸 | 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 | 𝚌𝚑.𝟺

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝟹 : 𝚒𝚛𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚊𝚗

You stand on the edge of the bridge, fixated on the water below as thoughts and memories flood through your mind. You lift your right foot, appearing like you're about to jump off of the bridge.

“Hey hey,” you hear a voice yell from behind you. “Hold on, Y/N.”

You are instantly pulled out of the trance by the familiar voice. You turn to see Donghyuck getting off his motorcycle and walking towards you. However, the sight of him still makes your skin crawl.

“What the fuck are you doing,” he yells. “Why would you try to kill yourself because you were rejected?”

What did he just say? How dare he think so poorly of you? You hop off of the bridge’s wall and turn to look at him with anger written all over your face.

“I know about everything that happened with Jisung,” he continues. “You were planning on jumping, weren’t you?”

“Are you nuts? I wouldn’t do anything like that,” you snap, clearly irritated.

Donghyuck looks around, biting his lip out of pure frustration. “So what were you doing, exactly?” he asks.

You didn’t answer him, you didn’t owe him any explanation at all. He is nothing to you, not even a friend so why should you open up and expose your most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.

“Answer me, damn it,” Donghyuck demands. “Why were you standing on the ledge, if you weren’t planning on jumping?”

You turn to walk away, still refusing to answer his inquiries. You feel a hand grab your arm pulling you backwards.

“Could you please just talk to me?” Donghyuck pleads.

“I was just thinking, that’s all,” you blurt out. “I wasn’t going to jump, I was just looking at how beautiful the water is.”

“Just thinking, huh?” Donghyuck repeats in disbelief.

“Look, as long as Jisung doesn’t ask Karina out and make things official, I still have a chance,” you state.

“You seriously believe that?” he huffs.

“Someone like you couldn’t possibly understand what I’m going through,” you snap. “When you love someone, you are willing to do whatever you have to, to get them.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand…” Donghyuck says, staring at you thoughtfully for a few seconds before continuing. “Why can’t you just leave my friend alone?”

“I don’t understand either,” you admit. You were never like this with anyone before but there was something different with Jisung. He was special and you just couldn’t let those feelings go. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“Ok fine. I’ll leave you alone,” Donghyuck huffs. “But I'll tell you one thing. I’m not sure if you’re aware but you are at least five miles from your dorm…enjoy your walk home.”

You watch as he climbs back onto his motorcycle, getting ready to drive off. You look at the empty seat on the back of his bike, contemplating asking for a ride but not wanting to ask the man you hate so much for help. 

“In your dreams,” Donghyuck smirks as if he's able to read your mind.

“It’s fine, I can walk,” you huff. “I did walk here after all.”

You turn and start walking in the opposite direction of where the university and dorms are actually located.

“You’re going the wrong way, genius,” he adds with his classic smirk back on his face.

You huff before turning around, glaring at Donghyuck as you storm past him. The sun was setting and everything was starting to get dark. Soon the only light available would be the few street lights along the way. Donghyuck knows it wouldn’t be completely safe for a woman to walk alone on the back roads to get to the university. He exhaled slowly already knowing what he had to do. He fires his bike up and pulls over next to you.

“Hey,” he says.

“What?” you snap, annoyed, thinking he was just going to say something else cocky.

“Hop on,” he orders. “Don’t get it confused though, I’m not doing this because I like you, it’s only because I don’t want your death on my conscience if something happens to you.”

You hesitate but ultimately hop onto the back of the boy’s bike. He removes his helmet and hands it to you which you reluctantly take. After you are completely settled on the back of his motorcycle, he slowly turns the bike around and drives in the direction that you were originally walking. 

“You said this was the wrong direction,” you yell, confused.

“I have to make a stop first,” he declares. 

“Just let me off, I don’t have time for this shit,” you snap, knowing there was really nothing you could do if he doesn't listen.

“I’m going to the mall to buy a gift for Jisung. I figured you would probably need something too,” Donghyuck explains, speeding up on the bike causing you to grab onto his waist from behind. When he feels your hands grab onto his stomach, he glances at your tiny, delicate hands and a small smile grows on his face. When he notices his unintentional reaction, he immediately forces the smile away, shaking his head in a bit of disappointment in himself.

You didn’t want to go with Donghyuck anywhere but this was for Jisung. You were planning on getting him a birthday present but got distracted with your own emotions and feelings. You didn’t feel the need to respond, you just accepted his offer and rode the rest of the trip in silence.

Donghyuck pulls his motorcycle into a parking spot in front of the local mall. He quickly hops off, walking towards the entrance, you trailing behind. You happily walk through the mall, browsing at the different stores forgetting that Donghyuck was there. You wander aimlessly through the stores looking for that perfect gift. Your eyes get wide when you finally spot it. You rush into the store, practically running over to the shelf.

“You did your homework,” Donghyuck announces, walking up behind you. “Jisung loves Iron Man.”

You don’t respond, you didn’t have to. You know everything about Jisung, that is how it’s supposed to be when you are in love with someone. And you certainly didn’t feel any need to explain such things to a buffoon like him. You grab the box with the Iron Man figure inside and walk over to the cashier, without looking at the price.

You pull your wallet out of your bag, sighing when you realize you don’t have enough money. And since you forgot your phone in your room, you couldn’t even use your apple pay. Once again this is fate just slapping you in the face. You feel the urge to cry but don’t want to give Donghyuck the pleasure of seeing you show any signs of vulnerability.

Donghyuck hands the cashier his credit card to complete the order. The cashier places the gift in a plastic bag, handing it to you with a friendly smile on her face.

“Thank you so much,” you sang, surprised by his sudden expression of niceness. 

He reaches down, swiftly grabbing the bag from you, “what are you talking about? This is mine.” he announces, turning to exit the store.

“Are you kidding me?” you snapp, once again full of rage but decide to follow after the boy.

Donghyuck stops walking, turning to look at you. “How bad do you want this?” he asks with a smirk on his face.

You hesitate but you can’t deny the fact that you want that iron man figurine for your love. And you need to be the one to give it to him.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” you sigh.

“Ok from now on, you address me with complete respect…no more nasty remarks or attitude,” Donghyuck orders, holding the bag up in front of your face.

“No way,” you argue.

Donghyuck lowers the bag nodding with a smile, “ok then find yourself a new gift.” 

He turns to continue walking again, leaving you behind to weigh your options. You know what you had to do no matter how much it made your skin crawl.

“Donghyuck, sir,” you blurt out, causing him to turn to look at you. The shit eating grin on his face make the words even harder to get out. “Can I please have that Iron man?”

“What was that?” Donghyuck smiles, adjusting his shirt. “I don’t think I heard you.”

You take a few deep breaths trying to calm down so you can sound pleasant and kind while speaking. You have to do whatever it takes for Jisung.

“Sir, can I please have that Iron man?” you repeat.

Donghyuck looks down at the bag he is holding, then back at you with a huge smile on his face. “Of course, Y/N,” he smiles widely, walking towards you.

Donghyuck drops you off at the entrance of your dorm building, you go inside without thanking him. You need to get as far away from that man as you can. You walk inside and proceede to get ready and head back out for the bar where you are sure everyone would be gathering to celebrate Jisung’s birthday. You walk inside, tightly gripping onto the Iron Man figurine that you know he is going to love. Donghyuck smiles when he sees you enter the bar, he didn’t sure why he smiled, but it happened subconsciously.

Karina clinks her wine glass with a metal spoon to get everyone’s attention.

“I just need to say something for everyone to hear,” she announces, standing up. “There is someone really special to me here. I hope he knows who is and I hope that one day soon we can make things official.”

The room bursts out into excited cheers. Donghyuck smiles until he remembers that you were there. He turns to look at you as the smile drops, witnessing the hurt written all over your face. You run out of the bar, not wanting to break down in front of everyone. He doesn’t know why but he chases after you.

“Hey wait up, Y/N,” he calls, grabbing your arm to stop you from running away.

“Are you happy now?” you snap.

“What?” he asks, confused.

“You got what the hell you wanted,” you growl knowing he only chased after you to boast.

“Listen to me…” he starts.

“Just stop fucking talking,” you snap. “From now on, I will leave Jisung alone. Happy?”

He dosen’t know how to respond and you don’t really care to hear what he has to say. You storm away before Donghyuck could have the chance to make you feel any worse than you already do. He feels awful but didn’t understand why he felt that way. He ultimately did get what he wants but it didn't bring him any sort of joy. He goes back inside and says goodbye to all of his friends and makes his way over to Yeji’s. When he walks inside, she was laying in her bed, smiling at her phone, quickly putting it down and sliding it under the covers when she sees him.

“Hyuckie, why are you here so early?” Yeji asks, sitting up, quickly. “I thought you weren’t going to be here till late.”

“I told you I was going to come after we celebrated Jisung’s birthday, I just wanted to come a little earlier so we could have more time to cuddle,” he explains, making Yeji smile. “Do you know if your neighbor is home?”

“I don't know,” she sighs. “Why do you care?”

“It’s nothing important,” Donghyuck states. “I’m gonna get a shower quickly, then my attention will be completely on you.”

Yeji nods and when he turns around she immediately grabs her phone, instantly smiling at the text she received.

“Y/N,” someone was yelling in the hallway, getting Donghyuck’s attention. 

He opens the front door, seeing two guys banging on your dorm room’s door.

“Y/N, ARE YOU IN THERE?” YangYang yells.

“Can you just open the door?” Doyoung asks.

“Y/N,” YangYang repeats.

“What’s going on?” Donghyuck asks, walking towards them and closing the door behind him.

“Oh hey Donghyuck,” YangYang sighs. “It’s Y/N, she hasn’t been to any of her classes today and I haven’t been able to reach her at all so I wanted to see if she was home and ok.”

“I heard Karina announced to everyone that she wanted to make things official and I was worried that Y/N would do something crazy,” Doyoung adds.

“No, I don’t think so,” Donghyuck denies, slightly worried.

“You don’t know her,” YangYang snaps. “When Jisung made the first move on Karina, Y/N took a handful of sleeping pills…”

Donghyuck was overtaken with concern, he pushes the other two boys away from the door and starts banging while calling out your name. After a few seconds of getting no response, he uses his shoulder to break the door open, rushing inside, searching your dorm in a state of panic. 

“Y/N’s not here,” YangYang announces. “What do we do now?”

Doyoung pulls his phone out of his pocket, calling his friend.

“Hello, did you find her?” he asks. “Ok thank you.” He disconnects the call and places it back into his pocket.

“What’s going on?” Yangyang asks.

“Someone said they saw Y/N by the big bridge,” Doyoung explains.

“Son of a bitch,” Donghyuck expresses, running out of the room.

He drives his motorcycle to the bridge where he saw you earlier in the day. He searches the area but after finding no signs of you being there he was unsure of what to do. He removes his phone from his pocket noticing you shared a story on Insta. Donghyuck clicks on your story seeing a picture of a rooftop that he recognizes with a broken heart emoji.

“Damn it, Y/N,” he grunts before hopping back onto his bike and heading to the rooftop where he was certain you would be.

After racing onto the rooftop, he freezes in his spot at the sight in front of him.

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚟 | 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 | 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝

[jwnchstr]

Title: Let Me Tell You (dribbles) (episode 1)

Summary: The Alpha has a big heavy responsibility which was making sure his Pack Members was protected, his Pack Warriors strong, the Pups safe in his Territory. That also means ignoring his nature about mating even though His Omega was sitting right there. Until a plane crashed onto the Alpha's Territory, leaving a pack of human Men wandering closer and closer into his Pack House. Somewhere between the Hunt, the Alpha realises that what if he was one of those Men? What if he died and leaving His Omega think that he rejected her Mating Call instead of only keeping her safe?

Other fics | My Wattpad | Series Masterlist (will update later)

*

Once upon an evening, just after sun down, the Pack was having dinner at the Kitchen in the Pack House. There were several long tables in the huge Kitchen, arranged in V-shape.

An Alpha King was sitting at the head of the Middle Table. On his left was His Second-in-Command while on his right was the Chief Pack Warrior. The rest of the Middle Table was occupied by the Higher Rankings while the rest of the table in the Kitchen were other Pack Members. The Pups were separated in their Den only one door down.

In the middle of the Middle Table sat an omega the Alpha could not stop staring at. Indeed, that was His Omega. He's been known about it for a few years now but he never answered the Mating Call whenever His Omega needed it. Or if he needed it.

He stared at His Omega, softly laughing at the jokes one of her alpha friends made and got jealous that his veins popped out from the knuckles under his chin.

"Alpha," His Second-in-Command warned. Not a challenge warn, but the kind of 'stay calm' warn.

The Alpha took a deep breath, tried his best to calm himself down by finding His Omega's scent amongst the putrid, rancid smells of his Pack Members.

Yes, there it was. He found it. Her Scent. He can't put a finger how His Omega smelled like but she smelled amazing like it hit him home.

"I don't understand," His Second-in-Command started, "why don't you just answer her Mating Call? Saves us all the trouble."

Indeed, it was a trouble for his Higher Rankings because it's hard to control the Alpha whenever she's in heat, or when he's in a rut, or when he just can't make sense. A dominant alpha, especially one like the Alpha King, needed His Omega whenever he's feral, but since he hasn't making it official, it's his Higher Rankings job to calm him down. Find him a cure. Lock him in the Alpha's Dungeon.

"You know I can't," was the Alpha's only answer. It's the same every time his Higher Rankings ask about him and His Omega. They could only imagine why the Alpha hasn't wanted to claim His Omega even though he's known It for years, but their best bet was because the Alpha has a dangerous, murderous job and he doesn't want His Omega to be a part of it.

But it's hard. The Alpha's mood swings really took a toll on the whole Pack especially when he's in a bad mood. Whatever that made him sad or angry, it affected his Higher Rankings, Pack members and His Omega. Then, His Omega fell into some kind of weird mood and it's affecting her work and people around her.

A pup entered the Kitchen with a cupcake in his hands. He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him and approached His Omega. The pup gifted His Omega the cupcake that almost didn't look like cup cake already, but His Omega accepted it with the biggest, warmest smile.

The Alpha's heart grew. Something inside him twisted. Without him realising, his body emanated his strong pheromones causing the whole Pack to whine and bare their necks towards their Alpha.

The pup in the Den whined the loudest. They were still too small and too sensitive to the pheromones. The Alpha watched as His Omega turned back to her dinner, her hands shaking as she put down the cupcake.

"Alpha, stop it," His Second-in-Command warned again. "You're going to tear down the Pack House." This time his voice was laced with a bit of a challenge because the Alpha's pheromone was too strong that it caused the mated omegas to call for their alphas.

"Excuse me, Alpha," his Chief Pack Warrior had to excuse himself because his omega was whining and moaning and was calling and begging. It's not a bad call but not pleasureable either. Either way, the alpha knows he needed to help his omega to calm down.

Most alphas and mated omegas have started to leave the dinner. Some visited the Den to fetch their pups then retire to their chambers. Unmated alphas and omegas remained but by the look on their faces, they were keen to leave the Kitchen as well to relieve themselves. Either by themselves or newly-fated partner or one-night stands, no one ever cared. But His Omega left, shaking from head to toe, retreated to her chamber by herself.

[rogue-of-broken-time]

Spill the DnD characters, Rogue! (I'll be in bed when you answer most likely, but still!)

I have a lot of them, so I'll share the one that's taking up most of my brainspace right now:

*cracks knuckles*

Mini the Autognome

(pronouns they/them)

Mini is an autognome bard! For anyone who doesn't know what an autognome is, it's a bit like a warforged, but they're small and were actually created by rock gnome tinkerers (the official publication of the race for D&D 5e came with the Spelljammer: Adventures in Space set). In modern-day terms, they're essentially a robotic construct. As such, Mini doesn't actually play an "instrument" in the typical sense– they have an internal music box they use to play their magical tunes!

As I play them now, Mini (which was originally short for "Minstrel") is a happy-go-lucky little bot with a lot of love to share and a deep misunderstanding of how the world actually works. To them, everyone should just get along and be happy, and they genuinely don't understand why anyone would prevent that from happening. And with their limited comprehension of the way the world works, you'd probably wonder how they came to be in the first place, right? Surely their creator must've been just as cheerful, right?

The truth is that the people who invented Mini in the first place had much darker intentions (or at least, one of them did).

Mini's story begins with two rock gnomes: Alston Silverthread (artificer) and Callen Dazzledark (wizard).

The two of them, back in their younger days, came up with an idea:

What if there existed technology that could make someone immortal?

It was a wild concept to them, just wild enough to grab them both and put their heads together. Alston, master tinkerer, got to work on schematics and functionality, while Callen, secretive necromancer, researched tirelessly to see if such magic would even be possible.

Together, they came up with a name for their little project: the Metallurgic Immortality Network Services To Realistically Extend Lifespans, which they later gave the nickname "Project MINSTREL".

The first invention under Project MINSTREL was the Metallurgic Immortality Network Interface, an automaton-like device that was designed for one purpose and one purpose only: healing. Whatever your ailment, whatever your injury– whether it was a common cold, a wound on your body, or even just the frailty of old age– this thing could fix you with its magic. And if you kept using it, it could literally keep you alive for longer than your race's typical lifespan, essentially making you immortal until a time of your choosing.

This would've been considered nothing short of miraculous technology, if Alston and Callen hadn't had to keep it a secret. Where they lived, most magical practice was frowned upon at best, so any hint that they were making such innovations beyond the eyes of the law would risk everything for them.

At the beginning, Alston was more than happy to play guinea-pig to his newest creation, the prototype MINI. He had to be sure that the technology worked, after all– and for a time, that's exactly what he did (all the time he'd spend testing on himself effectively extended his life by a good handful of years in gnome standards).

But as time went by, Callen kept coming back to him with darker and darker ideas for additions to their inventions and research. Alston repeatedly turned him down, and the two eventually split off from one another due to disagreements on their morals. Alston kept the MINI, but without Callen's help maintaining it for its original purpose, it eventually fell to disuse.

Callen, on the other hand, grew mad with curiosity. All this time, all this research he'd poured into necromantic energy and preserving souls from death– why should he have to give it all up?

In response to Alston's rejection, Callen only became more driven. He'd plot out theories and calculations of how to extract souls from life and contain them in other things, reinvigorating his own life energy in the process. And eventually, because of his cruel experiments, Project MINSTREL was dissolved and the two largely fell out of contact, save for matters of extreme importance.

Flash forward some odd years in gnome standards. Alston is an old man now, even having had the continuous treatment of the MINI back in the day. He's having regrets about what he'd spent his life doing, and somehow, some way, he seeks to do something to make up for it all.

In the end, Alston knew he couldn't be saved; he'd done too much bad and too little good in his life to merit that. All the dark experimentation, all the secrecy, the dangerousness of it all– no, it was too late to redeem himself now.

But as he was nearing the end of his life and his eyes drifted over to an old automaton he'd once made with someone he once considered a friend… he realized, with what little time he had left, he could save something else.

In his final weeks, he worked tirelessly as he never had before, reconstructing the MINI for a new purpose: entertainment. He never took out the healer programming entirely, but he adjusted the MINI's prime directive slightly and designed them to be able to make their own choices and have their own personality, striving to make them completely autonomous in their own right.

And yet, when death edged closer and closer to him by the day, something was missing.

In the time the MINI shared with Alston, he was never able to get them to "wake up", so to speak. They were never able to override the base programming they had to obey whoever told them to.

So, after a long deliberation, Alston made one final reach to Callen, asking for one single favor: to erase the MINI's memory of their creators entirely after he passed on, in the hopes that they'd make their own life someday without the burden of grief.

Callen was more than happy to oblige, and, once he heard the details, he got an idea.

An utterly fascinating, horrible idea.

As Alston lay on his deathbed, Callen prepared to do his bidding. He was to use the spell Modify Memory on the MINI before it reactivated from its slumber, locking any knowledge of its creators behind a secret failsafe in its programming that even it wasn't aware of. This, Callen could do.

It was as Alston was drawing his final breath that he put his real plan into action.

Just as Alston was fading from life, Callen cast True Polymorph on his old friend, transforming him just before his spirit had the chance to depart.

All of the years Callen had spent researching necromancy, he'd tried, and thus far failed, to do what he successfully did to Alston. His theories and calculations– all were in an attempt to see if he could preserve one's soul by transmuting it into an object, just before departure. And all his experiments until now were failures, because he couldn't get the timing exactly right to capture the raw life essence before it was gone for good.

Alston was his first true success, and that was all the proof he needed to see that his vision had always been correct.

Because laying before him on the bed was not Alston Silverthread's elderly body, but a single leather-bound book.

And on that book's first page was this:

The rest of the pages were blank.

And Callen could find no better purpose for this tome than to give it to the very being whose message it was meant for.

So, deep within the MINI's chest compartment, he locked it away. And then he modified the automaton's memory, and then, well, he left.

…

A little while later, Mini woke up for the first time, a little confused but otherwise feeling more alive and themselves than they'd ever remembered feeling before.

And what did they do with this newfound autonomous feeling?

They went on an adventure.

[slimeywooper]

Labmas AU

Chapter One Part 1 - A Start

Maybe two weeks had passed since a portal, what you later found out was called an Ultra Wormhole, had opened up in your home. Terrified, you cautiously circled it, waiting for whatever may pop out. You certainly weren't going to jump in it yourself. That's when someone came from the other side. A person wearing a ridiculous get up, like some kind of medieval reject. They seemed nervous, but announced they were with Team Plasma and that they were looking to find out more about your world. You were getting ready to hit them with a frying pan when they suddenly sent out a Purrloin. A Purrloin! You've seen them before in a video game…. as crazy as that was to process. You lowered your improvised weapon and decided it would be best to at least listen to what this stranger had to say.

After a short conversation, you were guided through this portal with your new acquaintance to what appeared to be some kind of laboratory. Immediately upon entry, all the heads in the room turned to look at the two of you. A mass of lab coats, interspersed with a few chainmail sporting individuals crowded around you.

"The Ultra Wormhole we opened actually led somewhere! This is phenomenal!" One of the scientists exclaimed. Though you weren't positive he was a scientist, he certainly checked off the criteria of what a stereotypical scientist would wear.

"All right, all right, make some room. We don't want our guest to be overwhelmed. They must have many questions for us." Looking to your left, you saw the source of this new voice. A tall man with blond hair and spectacles. He was also wearing a lab coat, but it looked more formal, like a trench lab coat. As the other people dispersed, he drew closer.

Looking up at him, all you could initially think to ask was "Is that your real hair?"

He seemed taken aback, but smiled. "Of course."

"Even the blue lock?" You added, not sure if he really understood what you were asking.

"Yes. Every hair on my head is, in fact, mine." Smile not faltering from your strange questions, he motioned for you to follow alongside him. As the two of you were heading for the door, he looked over his shoulder, addressing the others. "Go ahead and send a few more grunts through the Ultra Wormhole. They should prioritize contacting government officials." With that, he faced forward once more.

Walking together, you exited the room and entered into a hallway with other doors leading to what you could only assume were rooms meant for different experiments. "Now that we're alone, let me properly introduce myself. I'm Colress, head of the science division of Team Plasma, and its leading geneticist."

You looked up at him awestricken. "Wow, I've never met anyone so smart before!" He beamed, a slight blush forming across his face. "I work in retail, so I usually only come across normal people… That's not to say you aren't normal! Just that---"

"I understand what you are trying to say." He interrupted. "I will take your statement as a great compliment. Thank you." Colress quickly shifted the conversation. "I must ask you if you know the reason you are here, and where 'here' is?" He ended the sentence with a slight tilt to his head.

"Um, well, the guy that appeared in my house said he was from Unova and that he and his team were trying to find other worlds so they can study them." You answered, trying to recall exactly what the young man had said.

"Very good! That is, for the most part, the goal of this excursion Team Plasma is taking part in. Though I'm not directly in charge of the subdivision responsible for the creation of the Ultra Wormholes, I oversee everything the science department of Team Plasma tinkers with, even if it is not in my area of expertise." He readjusted his glasses and excitedly added "I, myself, am much more interested in the pursuit of the perfect Pokemon. If we can manage to manipulate their genetic code so they can become even greater, we could open up a whole new world of possibilities. Not just for Team Plasma, but the entire planet!" He breathed heavily after his hyperactive barrage of words, but quickly composed himself with a single "ahem", moving a fist to cover his mouth.