#i thought itd be better to write it but that just makes it worse and idk i genuinely need to go to therapy or something

[frogbi]

.

[pinolitas]

i hate being my parents' parent

[unlimitedhearts]

I’m dreading the third game of Spiderman might kill off Harry :/ either he’s goblin (solo or probably along with daddy-o) and dies a la Hero Sacrifice. Or kept comatose and in the end with grim results the decision is to pull the plug on him. idk I feel Harry’s fate is doom and gloom. But they could have killed Harry at the end of this sequel giving a strong motivation for Norman to be the Goblin and hatred for Spider-Man…yet they didn’t. idk rambling thoughts. What do you think?

Personally i can see both options. I saw someone in the tags of my last headcanon post say that it wouldnt make sense to save him from death in this game only to kill him in the next. On some level i get that, why wait when you could do it now?

I have two worst case scenarios in my head:

Harry wakes up from his coma w amnesia a la the third Tobey Maguire movie. Hes unaware of Pete being Spider-Man and Peter, thinking hes protecting Harry, wont tell him. This may cause a rift in their friendship when Harry finds out - or if Norman ends up going goblin and dies - Spider-Man is to blame in Harrys eyes and he'll go after him then. To me this is a tired trope of Harry getting an intense hatred for Spidey and wanting to kill him over his father. It always felt out of character for me and i truly TRULY hope they dont go this route.

Harry becomes the Kobold. In the comics, Kobold is essentially Harrys way of making the Green Goblin a good guy. If he still wants to fight by Peters side, he'll find a way to do it. Kobold would make a lot of sense to me personally, as it kind of continues their dynamic from this game. Then at the end theres a heros sacrifice to be made and Harry goes for it despite Peters protests. This would be lazy to me too though because he essential already did the heros sacrifice in this game. Seems like theyd just want us to have more time with him to love him even more, just to make losing him hurt worse. I wouldn't put it past an intrepid writer to think they could make it work, but it just seems lazy to me.

Actual best case scenario for me though? Harry wakes up as the g-serum is being injected. Hes against being his dads experiment all over again so he runs and finds Peter. Hes not aware of his pseudo-retirement, he just goes straight to the place thats always been his safe haven; Peters home. He asks Peter to hide him from his dad. Tries to explain everything but hes exhausted and frantic. Peter agrees and they take him into hiding.

Norman, ever the expert deflector, doesnt see this as a failing on his part. Hes convinced spider-man had something to do with his son escaping so he puts out a hit on him. Hes ready, willing, and able to capture and kill at least one of the two spider-men it doesnt matter. We see him pardon Wilson Fisk for this job, and when Fisk cant do it, he has to. Normans going to go Goblin. I know it, i can feel it in my bones.

Miles asks Peter to get back in action and he does. Fisk, plus potentially Otto again, plus this brand new villain in town is too much for any one person to handle. Heres where i see Harry becoming a "Guy In The Chair" for Peter like Ganke is for Miles. Two Guys in the Chair helping the spider-men is definitely better than one. I could also see Harrys goblin powers start to emerge but he keeps pushing them down. Last time he gave into power it didnt end well for anyone.

In an effort to not write out the entire plot of the game as i see fit (because itd be long and there are so many moving pieces and characters and IDEK WHERE THEYRE GONNA PUT SILK IN-), i think if Harry does take on the cowl he'll be doing so against his father. I think i see Harry becoming Goblin/Kobold to fight against Norman and ultimately try to help Peter/Miles. This is where i see Harry either accidentally killing Norman or Norman killing his son (and of course, blaming Spider-Man)

There is also room, in my mind, to bring back Venom a la Lethal Protector/Agent Venom. But tbh if they do, i would much rather Venom go to Eddie Brock or Flash Thompson. But thats just the separate Venom Fangirl Entity within me.

Ultimately my hope of course is that Harry not die and they dont go down that all too tired and hackneyed trope of Harry growing to hate Peter dor whatever reason. I truly TRULY hope they dont go that route it is just SO tired and lazy. I want them to stay close and loving. Whatever route they go with will be SO MUCH MORE IMPACTFUL if Harry Osborn lives and doesnt make a full 180 on his best friend for no good reason.

[cactusringed]

i WILL sleep soon but im having too many thoughts

the fact that etho decided that he was just going to be Very Nice To Bdubs.

bdubs? he must have been euphoric. he was finally given a spot in ethos heart in the way etho always has one in his. this was some sign that said hey, i matter to him too!

which only made it worse for him when etho did things for grian and cleo he would never do for him.

bdubs wondering if it meant anything at all to etho, or if it was some big joke. if he and his stupid big heart was some joke to etho. if etho understood that all itd take to get bdubs on his side was the slightest attention that way, dropping the act once he was satisfied with bdubs devotion.

to bdubs, it sure would be looking like he didn't ever matter to etho, only what he could do to keep etho alive did. nothing about his wellbeing or even happiness mattered to etho

bdubs told him he would not kill him, no matter what. even when etho told him he wouldn't blame him if we did. and etho couldn't even bother lying about failing a task for bdubs' sake

its not even that bdubs would care if etho attacked him for a task. if there was anything he could do for etho he'd do it in a heart beat, including losing a few hearts. but the fact that etho didn't even care enough to go 'yeah sure id fail a task for you' after bdubs proclaimed his loyalty

then, seeing how etho treats grian and cleo...

anger

i need bdubs to be furious

i need him to be angry on his own behalf. to recognise his self worth and realise he deserves better.

he would give everything to etho. what more does etho want from him? what more could he give to make etho care about him? how DARE etho build him a place in his home, pull bdubs in close, only to treat him like shit?

i need bdubs to be furious

and im going to be completely honest, i need to see him snap and kill etho. hes a man being pushed to the brink, and etho needs to learn that bdubs isnt some sidekick thats going to follow him around. that bdubs would give him the world if etho had bothered to give him even a shred of loyalty and care. and that etho FUCKED IT UP

IM SORRY WHEN YOU GOT ME INTO ETHDUBS I DIDNT EXPECT SUCH AN ANGSTY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP I

AAAAAAA

ok im falling asleep while writing this if i got anything wrong thats why. bed time. nighnigh

Brother when I tell you that the be nice to bdubs day episode makes me sick after what etho did. Oh my god. Oh my god.

The thing is about etho is that, he doesn't lie to bdubs. I don't think he does, anyway. All that kindness he offered bdubs - well, it was obviously a bit to embarrass him, but it was also all true. He doesn't like to lie to bdubs. He's haunted by the time he promised something (a life) and didn't deliver, to the point where when he did it again (promised to help bdubs with anything he needed, then laughed at his face when bdubs sought out his help) he felt SICK

Etho doesn't like to make promises, because he hates not to deliver on them. Bdubs loves to make promises he wholeheartedly intends to deliver on, or that he hopes the receiving party will know he'll try his heart off to deliver on. Bdubs values, so much, the very act of trying, the intent behind it. Etho values results. It's a dissonance neither can really see. So it leads to miscommunication and misunderstandings

Bdubs has promised so much to etho, so many times - etho must believe the words empty, no matter how earnest bdubs is. Meanwhile, because Etho is so careful about managing expectations, he comes off as... Aloof. As not returning even half of bdubs' earnest feelings. It's such a difference in their expression of love.

Etho felt bad, and thus he pushed himself to express love in a way bdubs would understand - through words of adoration. But then he immediately returned to his old ways. Immediately withdrew, as if scared. Because he is scared. In truth, he's terrified of the feelings he holds for bdubs, and how much it can hurt the both of them. But instead of seeing that, Bdubs can only see it as Etho playing a sick game with him. Bdubs, so starved for Etho's attention and love and devotion.

I doubt he would've promised cleo or grian he would protect them against the boogeys. He's told cleo before, that he's not a protector. He doesn't want to give the impression he is because he hates the idea of betraying that impression. But in the moment, he did become a protector. But it's that seed of doubt that it plants that hurts so much.

Because now, Bdubs will always see etho and remember that he refused to vow his protection to bdubs, whilst turning around and protecting his allies. He'll always see etho and remember that heartbreak.

He feels like he's been throwing so, so much love to a complete brick wall. Somethings gotta snap.

I want bdubs to either kill etho or try to hurt him - to genuinely go after him. But also if he does - if either of them do - I'll have a category 10 ethubs meltdown I s2g

This can only end in tragedy I swear I swear I swear I feel so SICK it's late and my head hurts so this probably makes no sense but. My god

[drifloonz]

i didnt want to rb again bc. long ass post. but i dont personally agree with the 's!3v3n / steven was always evil' thing bc its such a boring character motiv. smr just is not good at writing s!3v3n ( in general but just in a compelling or interesting way ), and also strangled red was the last one written where he actually was like, sympathetic. the 'backstory/prequel' written last curse tbh. itd be nice if the remakes were just faithful rewrites so theyd fix this or make it a lil better but.. yk.

i think missingno did enable these thoughts but in the sense that it made the intrusive thoughts and his worse gut reactions and instincts grow and grow until he just, did them. you know like when you say ' i want to kill someone ' but you dont really mean it you're just really fucking upset at them and want to take it out on something physically or mentally but cant? things like that. it makes the violent static in your brain grow and grow until you act without thinking, i feel. just by its aura and by existing.

but i also think interpretations where its 'entirely missingnos fault' aren't great either because it removes stevens agency as a character and also makes missingno even more of a plot device than it already is - which isn't even bad in strangled red but it Is a plot device.

he still strangled mike even if he was coerced into it. did he regret it after or not care and double down? YOU decide!

( i know miki doing it is the actual canon implication and yk. literal canon as confirmed by smr, but thats also fucking boring and lame. killing your brother with your bare hands via strangulation goes so much harder and is more thematically fitting. Thank you hyplull for that interpretation god bless )

[fcknstar]

,, aerophobia "

-andrewdetmer x gn!reader

a.n : i havent been posting and the reason is i have a few shots coming up and felt that it would be better if i post it all on one go? so yea! uhh yea omfg i love love love chronicle and andrew alot. this is abt short because i actually didn't know what to write for this phobia

aerophobia

(n.) the fear of flying

warnings : teasing , going against boundaries.

**lowercase intended**

" andrew.. put me down.. " you tried to calm yourself down. you hated the thought of flying in a plane. even worse when you are flying. andrew was currently playing with his power, thinking that itd be harmful to make you fly. 

" andrew detmer, do you hear me? can you please put me down? " despite knowing that andrew was able to balance you and take care of you, part of you just wanted to end it all and never step foot out of the house. 

andrew on the other hand looked like hes having the time of his life. he knows that hes probably a bitch for making you scared, but he couldn't help it. deciding that that was enough, he dropped you. yelping in surprise, you embraced the hard impact. but thank god your ass didnt meet the ground because andrews caught you bridal style. 

" still scared? " so this was why he threw you in the sky. he always wanted you to face your fears and so maybe one day, you both are able to travel the world together. 

getting off his hands, you looked at him. " very funny detmer " you jabbed a finger onto his chest. walking away, andrew was hot on your tracks. slowing his pace once he was infront of you. 

" im sorry, really sorry " he nodded, hoping itd win your heart. ignoring him, he sighed. 

" okayyy, what would you want me to do, future ms detmer? " he teased. 

" ms detmer, sounds horrible but intriguing. " when you loosened up abit, he quickly hugged you. 

" you are never leaving my sight, ever " andrew chuckled, rubbing your back soothingly.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Damn I sent u that ask like 2 or 3 hours ago and u already did it? (The one with the Kinger angst)

Props to you ^^

But anyhoo, u mentioned that the angst thing became more of Kinger’s grief than the original one which made me curious as to what u had in mind? Sorry I know I already sent a request today and I kinda feel greedy about it

Feel free to prioritize other requests! I feel like I overstayed my welcome or more like ur inbox lol

More Kinger Angst!

i must admit, i said that rather loosely! my creative process for these posts is a little untraditional (i think, i mean it doesnt sound like something other people do but maybe im not special LMAO) but i go in these posts with vague ideas that i dont really expand until i actually down and write :0 if that makes sense ! vague to refined !! that said (grips my silly ideas) and dont feel bad about requesting too much! nothing wrong in sending in an additional request now and then, itd be different if you were spamming or swamping up the inbox (neither of which youre doing) so no harm there! uhuhuh building up off of the other main idea from the previous post that i didnt get to explore because i got caught up in the grief; kingers paranoia other post

touching up on the idea that hes constantly worried about you and the fact you might get hurt or abstract, i think there would be ups and downs with his mental health... some days hes okay, but others its like hes taken a nosedive, you know?

kinger already is shown to be a very paranoid individual but to see that getting worse? like im not sure about you guys but i personally know first hand what its like to be constantly in that sort of headspace for an extended period of time (admin note, im fine now this was years ago and it was surrounding a family members health) but it can really destroy a person

lack of sleep, constantly on edge, irritability, your tolerance for bullshit really runs into the ground, things like that. you start lashing out or you start isolating. i personally see kinger being more of the isolation type, but given that he feels the suffocating urge to keep an eye on you to make sure youre okay... its like a loop, it just keeps going and it keeps getting worse

i think if you want to see a stop, or at least a moments peace, youre going to have to slam on the breaks and try to get him to calm down. help him ground himself, reassure him, work a system for the two of you to make sure he doesnt get too caught up in his own fears.... though i will admit that im a little stumped on how exactly to help him (given that this is a lot of self projection on admins part, the thing in their life that happened only stopped because the issue itself was forced to a stop by outside means)

take him away from IHAs that are getting too intense or overstimulating, walk him over to a quieter space so he can regather himself

take him out for walks around the grounds so he can get fresh air.... or at least... the closest you guys can get in this world.. better than to be cooped up in a confined space with other people in it

just let him. be and experience things in the moment rather than letting him drown in his own thoughts. is it a long term solution? no, but he needs to have a moment to breathe, you know?

but we arent here for comfort, we're here for angst

i think sometimes he would stay by your door at night, caught between disturbing you and checking on you to make sure youre okay. its a ritual of his every night, multiple times a night he feels the overwhelming urge to make sure youre still there

i think he does this with other characters he may be close to, like gangle and ragatha (admins personal hcs).. but i think sometimes it would bleed into wanting to check in on the others every now and then

^totally not borrowed from admins day to day of needing to check on things they know are okay a dozen times a day though its usually stuff like making sure everything is locked and shit

thinks

[ne0nlightzz]

Mk im not gonna make my blog all abt this but right now im torn inbetween forcing myself to keep calm or spiralling and letting my thoughts drift to the worst scenarios possible and back into a very dark place. But i will say if KOSA actually happens im fucked and so are so so soo many other minors on the internet, especially if they are also part of the lgbt+ community.

as much as i hate to admit im genuinely fearful of the possible outcomes of this and go to the worse case scenarios imma admit im fricking scared. this mixed with my states version of the 'dont say gay bill' being passed like two months ago has me questioning if this is all frickin worth it.

but what i actually came to say, besides the little spiralling breakdown im trying to avaoid, we have to fucking stop this, like sign every petition and anything we need to, call every single mf we need to, just to do anything and everything to make sure KOSA does not pass and ruin so many people's lives and put so many people in danger and also basically change the internet and society as we know it. ill probably make a better post about this soon, one more detailed and when im not in as bad of a headspace, but we've gotta at least try our damn hardest to put a stop to this useless bullshit. and i also wanna say, this is coming from my more fearful and hopeless point of view i try not to give into or share, but maybe we need to start pulling together our fandoms and communities irl, maybe we need to get ready to start groups, programs and other stuff for our states n all so we can still somewhat keep together even if its more local and seems impossible, maybe it'll be worth a shot if all shit goes to hell and so we don't have to fully lose things that we love, like out fandom communities, or writing communities. im too sure how itd work but i just thought id pitch a idea if all shit goes down the drain and we still need a upside to the hell or something.

heres some links ive found through others tumblr posts[all linktrees, carrds, etc go to their rightful owners ofc] and i highly recommend scrolling through the stop kosa and other related tags on here (Tumblr), reading up on everything and signing and doing everything you personally can, especially for those who can't do anything.

This was not heavily checked for spelling/grammar errors because im trying to not freak out and im also dyslexic lolz

[baahsu]

ichiji killing judge ALWAYS a+ (ive read your fic about it Many times 😌✊️) but there have been times where I've thought about him THROUGHLY torturing that deadbeat. letting judge live in agony and letting him die slowly, so slow that his death might as well have been considered old age

ofc we gotta imprison that bastard and put the mask on him. even better if its *the* mask, the exact same one that sanji used to wear, not a copy of the model or anything. itd probably be mostly rusted iron by now, laden with infections and filled with dirt and a few bugs. considering baby sanji wore it it was probably three sizes too small for judges big ass head, making it squeeze in places that cut off blood flow and bend in others that sliced into his skin. but its not enough to kill him so ichiji lets it happen with that small smirk of his <3<3

then (after a few days of letting judge rot in a cell with no food, water, and human contact, of course :3c) the neverending torture begins!! :]

i have this distinct vision of ichiji coming into the dungeon and entering judges cell with his evercalm demeanor, slowly walking over to him and lifting the mask a little, letting judge breathe and have a moment of hope that he was gonna be free...

...before continuing to leave the mask only halfway off judges face, ichiji instead putting his hands on both sides of judges head, holding him up with just 4 of fingers of each hand so that ichiji could pop that scumbags teeth out with his thumbs.

ichiji thinks its the funniest thing hes ever seen- how judges look of hope fell away the second the first tooth was popped out, his pathetic screams and cries increasing in volume, his desperate attempts to turn his head away getting more and more frantic, all to no avail.

it turns into a game for ichiji, guessing how much blood each tooth would release, wondering if this ones gonna go back in judges throat or ricochet and fall on the floor, playing with the idea that this one'll take out his gums, too..

it doesnt end until judge has nothing but a mouth full of blood and his molars left, ichiji looking at him with the same emotionless expression he entered the room with, and wordlessly shoving the mask back on him

as he walks back out the cell door, letting the click of the lock slamming shut being as loud as he could make it, he stifles a laugh at the sound of judge vomiting up his own blood. ichiji walks away without even looking back at him, only one thought on his mind

'I can't take out *all* his teeth. Then he wouldn't be able to eat. He would starve. Sanji wouldn't approve of that.'

HAHA OKAY IM DONE IM DONE. every time i write something in your askbox it becomes less of an ask/drabble idea and more of a goddman fanfiction lmao

p.s. i was thinking of adding a scene where judges blood flecks onto ichijis cheek and ichi licks it off without so much as blinking about it, but then i realized ichijis too skilled at this to get blood splattering around like that unless he *wanted* it to. either way im not letting that strawberry prince drink judges blood- he's above that!! if he wants blood than he can go give one of his siblings a hickey and drink it out of them instead 😌😌<3<3

Omg. OMG. This was so good from start to finish and when I thought it was over you just had to end even more perfection at the end and OMGGGGG

Listen, you can continue sending me whole ass fics like this, I'm not complaining at all, like I'm just sitting here in the middle of work smiling like an idiot at my phone and with my boss on the same room as me, but it doesn't matter! Because this is just so good and fuck everything else!

What you wrote about the iron mask is exactly what I ever wanted in my perfect fantasy, judge needs to be on sanji's shoes, to go through what he did, to go through worse, and wearing that same mask would be just the beginning. Every time ichiji took it out it'd scrape against his skin, cut it in mamy place, it'd sting and blood would trickle down under the color of his shirt and it'd hurt and be so uncomfortable

Ichiji saying sanji wouldn't like the idea of someone starving, even if that someone's judge, was so heartwarming?? He completely understood sanji!! Like, he can't relate to it, but he knows it's something important to sanji!!

And I agree ichiji shouldn't get judge's blood anywhere near his mouth, he doesn't deserve to taste something so disgusting, his brothers are definitely a way better alternative (I still can't believe you included that little part there?? I'm screaming over here, I'm going feral and completely insane, it just hit me like a truck and I loved it)

[sunstranded]

S-Types vs. N-Types

This isn't a which type is better, this is how to differentiate them, why there are more S types than we think, and why tests don't represent them well.

First and foremost, S types include all MBTI who have S on their 4 letters same goes for N types. Another thing is that these types are capable of being the opposite. For example ISFP can use Se and Ni but they find Ne and Si weird or unorthodox; like writing with their foot.

I think itd be better if I explain the functions but I I dont wanna yet so I'll go straight to the rant

Difference

Their difference is more so their bias, what they pay attention to or what detail they'll light up when faced with.

S types will notice apperances, environment, sensory things, present moments first than anything. This is also something that gets them energized, being exposed to the things and doing the things.

N types will notice ideas first, from how they connect or how theyve thought about it, imagine scenarios, think about abstract concepts, more so than S types. Being in their head, imagination, and using their intuition to make connections energizes them.

The introverted and extroverted subcategory of S and N is a discussion for some other time.

More S Types

Most people take exams/tests to know their type. The most known one isn't very Jungian (doesn't follow the original purpose and interpretation of MBTI).

I also hate how S types specially SP are seen as dumb and SJs as uptight. It's insulting. Because of these overly vague meanings that sometimes feels like the Barnum effect takes place, dangerous stereotypes and short sighted conclusions happen.

The reason there are less S types in the digital space as well as in the MBTI community is because they need to be out to the sensory world more and in first glance S types don't see the point of MBTI.

One proof is how several sites and apps became a lot more deserted after the worse waves of pandemic. When the world opened again only few remained. And most users are either too young to be out and about on their own or just N types. Or at least, I have noticed. But that's an assumption on my part. It makes sense why S types would prefer outside world and be less active. However, they can be in the gaming side since that is still eensory stimulating.

This all adds to the point that the larger percentage of people being S types is backed despite the lack of input or easily ready sensory data (interviews, testimonies) fron them as a Sensory type compared to their counter parts.

Tests Don't Represent them well

Could be so many reasons but I think only 4 is most plausible.

1. They interpret questions that disjuncts N and S types as dumb and superficial or smart and deep. These could cause them to lie to save face.

2. The questions are hard to answer without needing some more context. So they would want to answer "depends."

3. Being tested puts someone in a specific mindset then have answers that may not reflect them at all.

4. Interpretations outside researches intent; language barrier.

None of the reasons are really bad on the person trying to learn themselves. Esp for S types they need exposure to 8 cognitive types first but stereotypes and trends only EXPLAIN and START the discourse NOT DETERMINE THEM.

Just because someone thinks about the future they are INxJ and if they think about the past it is an xSxJ.

[timidloner]

OMG… rambling here or ram as you said (which is so cute btw? living for it <33) just to say i consider you a friend too!! (with all the similar interests and thoughts we have itd be a crime not too) its not weird at all no worries, honestly really glad you think its the case because with the amounts of asks i sent i was worried that id be giving you inspiration for joren’s behavior jajaja

on another note, the many scenarios other people spoke about gave me a brain rot woah… for example, the cornering hed to the mc, what if the mc put his hand in front of him as to calm him down but instead he grabs their hand and kiss it while pleading for their help because he needs the mc………. (WITH A MC THAT IS COMPLETELY NEW TO SEXUAL STUFF TOO WITH THE GUILT AND ALL PHEW) or even the thought of mc dying made me wonder, since you talked about violent mc in the past, what about if a mc tried to kill him (stabby stabby im thinking) in a moment of panic if theyre scared of his advances and remembered the trauma of being forcefully taken away already once? then what would happen? and what would happen if joren accidentally killed the mc??? cause thats a delicious plot line to think of: so used to violence you murder accidentally a loved one, frankenstein monster style AAAA (if you ever make a gc for this story like some authors do… itll be wild from the amount of theories)

AHHH, you have no idea how nervous I was while writing that. I was afraid that I'd be crossing some boundaries, PHEW! And don't worry, I've met intense people before, and all you've ever come across is friendly!

And yeah, we really share some brain cells!! Maybe the real yanderes were the friendships we made along the way! Jajaja!!

But going back to our babygirl!

"[...] he grabs their hand and kiss it while pleading for their help because he needs the mc". That's soo good?? I'm swooning.

But I'm taking it even further! He's fine with the dirty thoughts lol, and he already knows that MC wants him, so this feels like a (kinky) play. Joren is taking a role and giving MC a scenario to indulge themselves.

And that man is nothing but committed! So after he confesses that the someone he can't have is MC, he would ask for a kiss. So he can know what it feels like, they won't even be sinning since a simple kiss doesn't break any rules (technically), and they'd even be helping a sinner in need.

But when MC kisses him, he would take advantage of their naivety about sex. It's not a sin to roam their body with his hands. It's not a sin to bite and use tongue. It's not a sin to press them close to him and put his thing between their legs.

And they're allowed to masturbate, so rutting against each other is fine. They can use his body (hands, things, tongue) to get off, it's not sex, right?

omg.... I know I said he can't lie, but I haven't realized the power this holds. From now on, he can lie with technicalities, half-truths, and by omission.

---

And making a sudden change of topic! MC trying to kill him in a spur of panic would be better received that a MC who tried to do it with a plan in mind.

If he knows it was because they panicked, he'd try to calm them down, which could backfire and make MC even more hostile. And here's where the tragedy (potentially) comes in.

Joren reminds MC of their trauma, and MC reminds him of his. Both lash out in response, making everything worse, until Joren gets blinded by his feelings, uses a little too much force, and kills them by accident.

It'd go the same way as I described it before, but Moon's reaction would be different.

If Joren kills MC before they make a decision by accident, then Moon would give them a miracle. Not in this life, though, in this one Joren goes crazy and stays with MC's corpse for the rest of his days.

And authors make GROUP CHATS?? What. I actually had no idea! Like in discord??

[vibrant-leaf]

A Miraculous Second Chance

🧡 ~KiriBaku Drabble~ ❤️

Summary: An accident happens and Bakugou has a bad head injury that affects his relationship with Kirishima.

Warnings: cursing

So I realize that this drabble has a lot of holes and things wrong with it but I won’t ever actually write this because it’d be a lot to tackle, especially with basically rewriting Bakugou’s much needed character development buuuuut I thought of this and needed to share it. This was just a series of messages in a discord so, it’s choppy, there’s grammar mistakes, I go back and forth between Kiri and Kirishima, but I still love it. So I hope you enjoy it for the mess that it is 😊

Bakugou and Kirishima are dating, it’s their third year at AU, Bakugou is out on a work study mission, fighting villains ya know the norm, but something goes wrong and he hits his head somehow, gets knocked out, and has to go to the hospital. Once Kiri gets word that he’s hurt he rushes to the hospital and by the time he gets there Bakugou has only been awake for about 5-10 minutes and the doctor is talking to him and his parents are outside of his door. Kiri runs for his room and Mitsuki sees him and tries to speak to him, “wait Kirishima we need to talk to you real quick” but..

“I need to see him! Just let me him first please!”

Mitsuki tries to stop him but he barges through anyway.

“Katsuki!! Oh my god thank god you’re okay!” He walks over to Bakugou and hugs him but Bakugou is freaked out and pushes him off.

“Don’t fucking touch me who do you think you are?!”

Eijirou backs away from him to give him some space. “What- katsuki it’s okay it’s me, it’s Eijirou.”

“I don’t know who the fuck you are- and stop using my given name!”

And Eijirou is just stunned. Eyes wide, mouth slightly parted, eye brows scrunched up.

Mitsuki speaks up again, “Kirishima, honey. A word?”

Bakugou is just glaring at him and he can’t take it so he walks out of the room and next to Bakugou’s mom.

Kirishima is gutted. Understandably. With Bakugou being Bakugou he’s not gonna continue a relationship with some random stranger. (I’ll be continuing with bulletpoints)

Last thing Bakugou remembers is him finding out he got accepted into UA

Kiri had to explain the situation to rest of the BakuSquad and they now understand that Bakugou will be okay he just needs some space from everyone so he doesn’t get overwhelmed so they can’t bombard him with their usual nonsense.

But then BakuSquad asks about their relationship and Kiri just shakes his head and says “but I don’t blame him” and he’s been trying to hold back his tears. Of course he cried the night he saw Bakugou in the hospital but since then he’s been trying to suck it up because itd be selfish of him to cry over their relationship when Bakugou is going through something worse, right? So he should just be thankful that he’s alive and okay. But the bottle that’s been filling up with his emotions for the past couple days inevitably explodes and he starts to sob in front of his friends.

Bakugou is back to keeping his distance from everybody.

At first he’s given a little time to adjust to his “new” life before he asks about everything that’s happened to him but he definitely wants to know everything.

Kiri is trying to be friendly towards him. says hi to him every morning, tries to ask him questions about what he last remembers.

He gets a stern answer, “that I got accepted into UA.”

He hates the answer because that means Bakugou knows literally nothing about Kirishima, and what him and his class went through, or things they’ve done together.

Kirishima is hurting but he thinks he’ll be okay because at least he still gets to see Bakugou everyday.

He once accidentally called him Katsuki and apologized profusely. But what Kiri doesn’t know (thanks to Bakugou’s glare) is that Bakugou maybe, sort of, kind of liked the way his name sounded coming from Kiri’s mouth JUST A LITTLE THOUGH OKAY?

They soon become sort of friends again and Kiri is ecstatic by the minuscule amount of progress.

There’s a test coming up and Kiri asks Bakugou if he can help him study.

“Why the fuck would I wanna do that, Shitty-hair?”

“oh.. right.. sorry. Um, I’ll just ask Yaoyorozu then.” Kiri at least tries to think about the silver lining that is Bakugou calling him “shitty-hair” for the first time since the incident, but he’s still sad.

The sad look on Kiri’s face is foreign and horrible and why the fuck can’t Bakugou stand to look at it?! “Shut up. If you need help you might as well get it from the best in the class. I’ll help you. But don’t even think about mentioning it to the others” - there that’s better. That bright smile is back on Kiri’s face. Bakugou has to bite his cheek to keep him from smiling even the slightest bit.

 CUE THE FIRST NIGHTMARE.

Bakugou is surrounded by people he’s never seen before, everything around him is just rubble, and these people are trying to capture him, but he’s dodging and fighting back.

He wakes up to loud knocking on his door and realizes he’s sweating and breathing super heavy.

He lets Kiri in his room.

Kiri is asking if he’s okay and if he had a nightmare.

Bakugou gives short and simple answers as he tried to calm his breathing down.

He’s finally calm and he tells him what his dream was about.

Kiri is shocked tries his best to calmly break it to Bakugou that that actually happened.

They decide to tell Aizawa and Recovery Girl tomorrow but for now Bakugou wants to try and go back to sleep.

Cut Kiri some slack here, he’s half awake and his brain is in Comfort-Bakugou Mode, so when he tries to slide under the covers of Bakugou’s bed he’s all the sudden getting yelled at.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Shit shit! Shit! We would- or I would- um uh.. well we used to sleep together sometimes and especially if you had a nightmare.. but it’s okay I’ll just leave! Goodnight Ka- Bakugou!” And Kiri runs out of his room feeling absolutely mortified.

Bakugou is just sitting in his bed stunned. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he was fucking KIDNAPPED once.. but he was also thinking about how that was the first time Kirishima said anything about when they were together. He tries not to think about what their relationship could’ve been like because it’s doing something weird to him like holy shit they slept in the same bed??? That guy?? With the stupid red hair?? Hair that honestly looked better down if Bakugou was concerned but he shouldn’t be, so he isn’t…

As Bakugou is falling asleep he thinks about how he finally wants to know about everything that happened to him in the last two and a half years.

So Bakugou talks to aizawa and recovery girl the next day and he gets a brain scan to see if maybe that one part of his brain that was damaged was healing at all.

The result: nothing much has changed with his brain.

He’s starting to get frustrated because he wants to remember but it looks like there was no hope of that happening anytime soon so he has to settle for stories from other people.

Sure he wants to know everything but good God a lot of shit has happened so he decides vague details for now are best.

Kiri just pretends that he didn’t try to sleep with Bakugou the night before and tries his best to act normal around him and it helps that Bakugou doesn’t bring it up.

Kiri really wants to tell him about their relationship though.. maybe one day. But as soon as he thought he was feeling better, he’s back to excusing himself from the lunch table because he can’t stop thinking about how much he loves Bakugou and wants him back and fuck he just really needs to have a cry right now. Luckily there isn’t anyone in the bathroom so he’s able to cry in peace.

Over the next week Bakugou has a couple more nightmares and Kirishima simply goes over to his room to check on him and it kills him that that’s all he can do for him now.

But on one night, it’s Bakugou’s turn to be pounding on Kirishima’s door.

Kiri quickly gets out of bed to open his door “Bakugou? You alright?”

“Why didn’t you tell me…”

“Tell you.. what?”

Bakugou just stares into his soul, takes him in, his pretty hair that barely reaches his shoulders, his eyes, the scar above his right eye, his whole face, his lips- okay that’s enough... 

“Bakugou, I’ll tell you anything you want-”

“Why didn’t you tell that you were the one who.. who was there.. who called out to me.. whose hand I grabbed to escape those villains..”

Kirishima just stands there dumbfounded and says nothing because he didn’t really have a good answer to his question. Why didn’t he tell him? Because it was too much about them? Yeah maybe but looking at Bakugou’s face right now makes him feel real stupid for telling him nothing about that.

“I.. I really don’t know.. I’m sorry Bakugou.”

“Do you not have feelings for me anymore?”

Kiri could fucking laugh right now because that was the furthest thing from the truth, but of course he refrains.

“No! That’s not it at all.. I mean.. sorry I just.. I didn’t think you would want to know about us? Our relationship? I don’t know.. I feel dumb now for not telling you that at least.”

Bakugou keeps staring at him and Kirishima has no clue what to say or do with himself right now.

But Bakugou is annoyed. Annoyed that Kirishima wouldn’t tell him about that. Annoyed at how he’s been feeling towards Kirishima recently. Annoyed at how he wants to know everything about them, their relationship, what they did together, what sleeping next to him was like. He’s annoyed and he’s gonna do something about it.

So Bakugou takes a giant leap of faith, grabs Kirishima’s shoulders, and crashes his lips onto his. He really hopes that they’ve kissed before, otherwise this would probably be pretty fucking weird to do.

Kiri doesn’t kiss back right away because his brain needs to process what the hell is actually happening right now. But once he realizes that he isn’t in fact dreaming he puts his hands on Bakugou’s face and kissed him back.

When they pull apart they’re both breathless and blushing.

Bakugou’s stomach is doing flips and Kirishima is putting on the biggest smile he’s ever seen on him. And he’s almost mad at himself for not being able to remember what Kirishima looks like after kissing him like that. But he burns it in his memory this time and he silently swears to himself and to Kirishima that he’ll never forget again.

“I want to know everything about us.”

Kirishima can’t help it... he starts crying. But he’s crying because he’s so fucking happy and relieved and oh my god Bakugou kissed him again. “Okay, yeah. I’ll tell you everything.”

Bakugou lets a small smile form on his face. “It’s Eijirou, right?”

Kirishima nods frantically and wraps his arms around Bakugou’s neck and continues let the tears of joy fall down his face.

~Fin.

[mypimpademia]

Bakugo and Shinso w a pregnant black s/o

Bakugo x black!pregnant!reader x Shinso

TW: Swearing

Note: I need to stop writing for them I swear ima write for all the other fandoms after this 🤡🤡

BAKUGO

👏🏾THE👏🏾MOST👏🏾UNPROTECTED👏🏾PERSON👏🏾IS👏🏾THE👏🏾BLACK👏🏾WOMAN👏🏾

That was his motto throughout your entire pregnancy, from you telling him to your child's birth

He treated you like you were priceless porcelain

Got extremely upset if the was so much as a scratch on your skin

Paparazzi better watch themselves when coming up to you and asking you shit

"Y/n, when is the baby's due date?"

"Y/n, when will you reveal the baby's gender?"

"Y/n, will you show you baby to the public once its born?"

"Y/n there were cheating rumors before your pregnancy, is Ground Zero really the father-"

"Y'ALL BETTER BACK THE FUCK UP, I MIGHT BE A PRO HERO BUT ILL STILL ROCK YOUR SHIT."

Hes your personal body guard

If someone even walks a lil too close for him, you might have to hold him back before he ruins his reputation

He's gonna back out of a good portion of his work (if it's not important) just to devote himself to taking care of you

Your feet dont even have to touch the ground if you say so

He most definitely read up on pregnancy in secret

He even knows what foods aren't good for the baby but are a common craving

If youre craving something that is bad for you, the baby, or both, he'll make you something healthy that tastes the same

Gives you foot and back rubs

He won't admit it but he is absolutely terrified of you slipping in the shower

So he either showers with you or runs you a bath

Buys you those skin tight maxi dresses

He just loves how they look on you especially with your belly

Gives you pep talks if you feel bad about gaining baby weight

Makes sure that you're eating, drinking water, and feeling good

When Katsuki leaves the house, he kisses you, and your stomach

And he says:

"Ill see the two of you later, I love you guys."

He was doing it since you got pregnant

When you pointed it out, he denied it

"What the hell are talkin about, is your pregnancy makin you crazy or somethin???"

You thought it was him being too prideful to admit it, but he literally just did it subconsciously

Because the day after he did it again and usually he'd stop after you say something

He whispers to the baby when he thinks you're asleep 🥺🥺

"I can't wait to meet you, it'll be a scary place out here, but I swear on my life I'll protect you and your mother. I love you both so fucking much."

You cried a lil bit ngl

Dadsuki gets the dub

SHINSO

Hes sooo happy

But also so scared

He became all too aware of how black women get treated once you started dating

And hes also aware that it only gets worse when pregnant, and when theyre a mother

He does absolutely everything in his power to keep you safe

Both physically and emotionally

Hes gonna post so many pictures of you

He saw one hate comment about how your baby is gonna come out ugly just because its mixed with black and he disabled all his comments and story replies

Cooks for you every now and then and hires a chef when he gets busy

Lets you eat what ever youre craving unless its too unhealthy

Makes sure you get the right amount of sleep

When you wake up because of contractions or anything, he makes sure that you and the baby are safe before using his quirk on you to make you go back to sleep

When you guys go out, he always wanders into the baby isle

And its purely subconscious

Like you'll be getting food one minute then you're looking at baby clothes

Its actually really cute

Gives the best foot rubs and back massages

Bubble baths at least once a week

Also buys you a lot of tight maxi dresses

But at the same time he loves seeing you in nothing but a bra and panties with one of his button ups on top

Talks to the baby a lot

"I have no clue who or what youre going to be, but I swear I'll love you no matter what, and I'll protect you even if it means I get hurt. I can't wait to meet you, and even though I haven't, I already love you so much."

He might just fuck around and start carrying around his scarf when yall go out

Because people were trying him

Didn't care much about paparazzi

"Y/n, how do you feel about what people are saying about you and Shinso having a child together?"

"Y/n, will you be showing your baby to the public?"

He just let them ask questions knowing they wouldn't get an answer

But when his toxic ass fans start doing shit?? He might pull an Aizawa and have them hanging upside down like they in a damn cocoon

"That baby is gonna come out ugly as shit considering Y/n is the mother, itd be gorgeous if it were our child."

Shit like that^ got on his nerves, his fans were jealous of you since day one, but he was proud of you regardless of anyone's opinions

And youre a bad bitch so you let them talk their shit

"A baby mixed with black??? You've made some mistakes but thats by far the biggest..."

Racist ass comments like this^ though..

Pissed him off to no end

Tried not to say anything at first, just giving disgusted looks to people that would say things like this and then walking faster

But they really started to piss him off when it happened everywhere

Social media, out in public, and at events

Snapped on one of his fans one day

"Could be a cute baby if it had something in its genes other than black... specifically mine."

"If you deadass think I'd ever wanna have a baby with you, fuck you, or let alone KISS YOU, when you're saying small minded, idiotic, and conceited ass shit like that, you might wanna check yourself before I check you."

Shit happend on live TV too😬

He was getting interviewed with you by his side and the producer asked to get shots of you and him with fans

Camera was pointing right at him and the girl

Yall already know her whole life got ended... (not literally smh)

Her school and work were contacted, they found her family, all of that

Said he'd protect you from absolutely everything and he meant that shit because shinso a real rod😌💞

[thedorfmirrin]

☆💚☆

Okay so i had this idea a few months ago, and only got to colouring a nice pic about it now so im finally gonna talk about my fanconcept of a magireco Sana Alt !!

First thing, I tried a different style, especially for the eyes, to give her a more whimsical but slightly creepy vibe- and also created her outfit design to be more "princessy" and vibrant to communicate her different personality from our beloved origional snaa.

°☆○☆○☆°

Through some sort of hijinx of an unknown magical girl/witch/circumstance with dimensional shifting powers, a Sana Futaba from an alternate universe where she made a different wish has been transported into the current dimension with our well known cast - subsequenstivly they learn about this new Sana and her differences from their own, and try to discover a way to possibly return her home.

She herself is much more of an oddball than our Sana, as her wish (noted to be Sana's origional wish before she backs out to a different one) gave her signifigantly different experiences and mindset.

°☆○☆○☆°

~Here are some notes about her~

Alternate Dimension SANA FUTABA

Sana Futaba from an alternate dimension where she makes her “original wish”-- to go to the magical cat village of Ms-Purrs-Alot.

This Sana differs from out “original” in a number of ways:

•Her magic manifests passively as “talking magical animals” that only she and transformed magical girls can see and hear (she is implied to be delusional from her wish’s magic, for better or for worse)

•She has a few favoured cats who show up more than others; still they are all very sweet and friendly (much like storybook or cartoon characters)

•She is much more “friendly” and optimistic, although still shy. She behaves slightly more confidently because of her animal friends’ encouragement. Despite these encouraging growths, she tends to have a strongly 'off' like vibe to her. (I like to think shes simular to Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter mixed with Fluttershy and a sort of Alice in wonderland personality..?)

•She now has a more “cat” theme to her magical outfit, as well as her sheilds taking more agressive bladelike appearances

•She can cause her magical “delusions” to others but doesn’t know it (for example: bringing them to her animal village, etc.) It is vague how she does this, weather she can actually bring them to a pocket dimension where the village exists, or makes them simply percieve it. One thing is that nobody can find their bodies while they are 'visiting'.

•After her wish, she unfortunatly had to deal with her family still, further creating inner turmoil despite now having escapism to cope- but eventually with encouragement from her new animal friends she ran away from their horrible behaviour. She now lives as if her cat friends take care of her as family. She refuses to refer to herself as a Futaba anymore.

•Due to her having somewhat magically forced happiness, her internal trauma manifests itself violently in battle- she’s developed a sort of split personality because of this. (Inspired by the many theories of her original personality concept)

•She actively avoids people and human interaction, much preferring the nice and happier animal friends

•She is super duper duper protective of her precious animals and will switch to her aggressive and violent side when they are made fun of or in danger. Her aggression is similar to Felicia’s behavior around witches.

•In game she would be much more aggressive than sana, but still act rather tanky. She would go full out for taunts and do some good damage with counters, but subsequently be hit down much easier than OG Futaba. Also SHE WOULD ATTACK WITH CATS as well as her shields !!

°○☆○☆○°

So yea thats what i have for now <3

I hope nothing comes across as insensitive, im just super interested in how this sort of wish could be interpreted, and thought itd be neat as a magically made and semi-physical mental illness. (It could also be seen as a real literal physical magical cats too if you so prefer btw, just with a super neurodivergant snaa- im open to any interpretation!)

Mostly this was created because I like many other magia record fans super wish for a Snaa Alt like all the main group has, and i thought of this interesting idea and it wouldnt let go! I personally love it and wish there could be dimensional shenanigans ingame, given itd fit right into the lore. Man i so wish i had the ability to write stories hhh

Please let me know your thoughts! And any possible add-ons! Also dont be afraid to ask for clearification cause im super bad at explaining things haha ^^'

☆💚☆

[thickenmyblood]

I love hand in unloveable hand!! It's just sometimes is so painful to read because it's so real and sad and all I wanted was to make a way into the story and give damen a hug :( and make things work out for him

well I love you, love the way you answer your asks, somehow I thought itd be totally different because the story is until now so sad but you are actually so warm and kind

can't wait for the next chapters!! Right now it's so hard for me to see a solution and a possible way for everything turning out fine, especially since chapter 9 (like what was that 😭😭😭😭) but I trust you when you say everythings turning out ok!!

I just feel so bad for damen and nicaise being super mean and I understand nicaise is an abuse survivor but it's still so painful and damen doesn't seem to truly comprehend that, and then comes laurent also being kinda rude and all of his friends being awful like Ancel and Aimeric and honestly I never get why it happens to damen because the unreliable narrator really tricked me

sometimes I think damen will actually come to a limit and do something extreme, like trying to take away his own life or not leaving home for weeks and then people will start to actually noticing him and taking care of him and not making him feeling alone but I guess that's just dreaming real big lol

anyway hope you're having a good day! I really really want to read your new kastor/laurent fanfic because deep in my heart I want to believe kastor's a good person and in a different universe he actually gets to be happy but something tells me that's different of what I'll find and I'm not quite ready to suffer again lol

but thanks for everything! Love ya!

😭🥺 this ask made my entire week better

i know exactly how you feel about damen because i feel the same way lol. i'm constantly like "jesus just give him a break!!!" but also... without pain there's no fun. nic's trauma responses only get worse and worse so i feel good that you at least understand where he's coming from!!! laurent's friends being mean has been really fun to write, but i'm excited about what's to come because i really do think ancel is one of the characters that helps damen grow the most. BUT NO SPOILERS OKAY.

i really suggest you don't read my lastor fic 😂 damen does not have a good time in it, so please if you're already feeling sad over hiuh damen don't even glance at quietus.

ily for this message 💜 i can't wait for the day to come when you're like "maca, i have suffered so much but now i am SO happy for damen". ty for your time!!!!!!!!!!

[valatheapprentice]

How I knew you

(plague story/meeting Lucio)

  Its been a month since Asra left. While I miss him dearly, I still hold a little anger towards him. I don’t want to understand why he wouldn’t help find a cure. Perhaps I already know, though. My nightmares have become more frequent and I have to even drink coffee to get through the day. I finally made my tonic to help me not have one tonight and I plan on taking it after helping Dr. Devorak tonight. 

   The hours drag by as I run between medical books and test results. My mind starts to blur everything I see when the doctor comes back into the dungeon. His eyes are wide with deep bags hanging under them. His hair even more in disarray than when he left to attend to the count. I look at him sympathetically as he sinks into the nearest chair. “What’d he say this time?” I ask. 

  He shakes his head as an exasperated sigh escape his lips. “Nightmare. He wants us to ‘cure’ a nightmare or something. You know, not something we can actually do.” He buries his face in his hands. “And there’ll be hell to pay…”  

  My heart drops a little. I take a breath, saying good bye to a peaceful nights sleep. “I have something that will prevent them.” My face drops in to a frown. “I can bring it to him. Take a breather. You’re stressed enough as it is.” 

  He looks at me, lacking energy to even show concern. “I should say no… But you’re right.” His eyes close as he tries to relax a bit. “Just… be careful. And watch what you say. Trust me…” 

  I nod and take the tonic from my bag. And start making my way up the stairs. After asking a servant where to go, I make it to the counts bedroom door. I stand there for a moment, suddenly feeling the anxiety of meeting the infamous Lucio mixed with sleep depravation. I take a deep breath before knocking on the intricately designed door.  

  “Enter.” An angry and sharp voice called. I open the door and do my best to hide my shock. This bedroom is almost completely overlayed in reds. I’m quite surprised by how enchanted I am by it. I stop myself from gawking at everything and look towards a visibly agitated man, staring at me with daggers. “I don’t now you. What the hell do you want.” He snaps. I’m already over this. 

  With the best smile I can manage, I hold up the bottle in my hands. “I’m Dr. Devorak’s apprentice. I understand you were asking about something for nightmares? “  

  He scoffs. “I didn’t ask.” He motions for me and I walk closer towards him. He stares at the bottle in my hand and give a distrusting expression. “I’ve never seen medicine like that.”   Fighting back my annoyance, I nod, confirming his statement. “That would be because I’m a witch and I made this to prevent nightmares.” 

   He starts to laugh, rolling his eye. “Of course. And you expect me to just believe that? How do I know that will even work and not hurt me?” 

   My smile starts to fall. I don’t have the energy to pretend right now. “You know, you’re not the only person in the word who has bad dreams.” 

   He stares at me, standing up. Being a few inches taller, he just barely starts to tower over me. His now scarlet eyes piercing into me. “I’d watch that pretty mouth of yours if I were you.” He sneers. 

   I hold the tonic closer to our faces, making sure he sees it. “If it weren’t for the fact that we can’t get work done when you’re pissy, I wouldn’t even be here. So drink it, or I will. One of us is getting sleep tonight.” 

   His expression softens for a brief moment, taking me off guard. Before I can figure out his expression, he curls his lips in disgust and snatches the bottle from me. “The only thing saving you is my impatience. And if this doesn’t work, I’ll have you executed.” 

   I close my eyes to keep from rolling them as I nod. “Yes sir…”  

  He smirks and downs the bottles contents. He waits for a moment, waiting for… something… to happen. “Now what.” 

  I tilt my head, brows furrowed together. “Now you sleep?” I sigh and relax my muscles a bit. “Itd be best to try to sleep sooner than later. Trust me, you don’t want it to wear off while you’re still asleep. And let me know if you need more.” 

  He looks down his nose at me, but nods. “You can leave now.”  

  With a nod, I all but storm out the door. “Good gods.” I say to my self as soon as the doors closed behind me. “What the hell did I get myself into?” • • •    Three hours. I slept for three hours before waking up in a cold sweat. A sharp pain grinds against my ribs as I labor for deeper breaths. I try to think of something to focus on, soon making a two vials of the tonic. I’m sure he is going to demand more. I’ve never dreaded going back so much. I finish blessing my work and get ready to go to the dungeons again. I pick up some coffee and pastries for Dr. Devorak and I to snack on later before clocking in. For the first few hours, everything runs smoothly. No interruptions out side of Valdemar’s check ins. As I’m in the process of writing down some findings, one of the guards hired to watch over us steps towards the center of the work area. 

   “uh… witch…?” He calls out, unsure of who he was calling for. I look around, seeing no one else stand up. I raise my hand hesitantly, attracting the guards attention. “The count requests your presence.” He beckons me to follow. The doctor and I share an unpleasant look before I stand and follow the guard. 

  I tell myself he’ll be in a better mood. That I have more energy and he’s not as bad as he wants to appear. I keep trying to reassure myself, though nothing in my mind can ease the anxiety building inside of me. I’m in my mind so much, I don’t even realize we’ve stopped at his door until the guard knocks on it. Lucio calls for us to enter. The guard let’s him now I’m here and steps back to let me in, closing the door behind him.  

  His eyes are slightly narrowed and a faint curve is sliced into his lips. I can’t tell if he’s irritated or amused. He sits in the bed, leaning against the headboard. “Don’t just stand there. Come here.” He orders, almost annoyed he had to say it at all.

   I walk over to his bed side, stopping just a foot away. With a small smile, I make eye contact with him. “Good morning, sir. How did you sleep last night?”  

 He raises an eyebrow and eyes me for a moment, his face frustratingly unreadable. “Your potion worked.” As I knew it would. “Ill need one nightly.” He says casually. My heart sinks. As if I wasn’t busy enough with the research, now I have to set aside the time and energy for this. “So long as it keeps working, I’ll cover any… ingredients… you’ll need.” He smiles at me as if he just saved my life.

  I nod, smiling through my disappointment. I pull out one of the bottles from my bag and set it on his side table. “I thought you’d want another. I’ll be sure to bring one every day from now on.” I take a step back, thinking I’ve said all there was to be said. “Ill be off, then.” 

  “Hold on.” He calls out, stopping me in my tracks. “I haven’t had much in the way of visitors. Stay and entertain me.” 

   A sense of unease crawls inside if me. “You’re also dying. So, I should really get back to work...”

   He raises his eyebrows at me. “I’m paying for your time, I get decide how you spend it.” His voice is firm and full of warning.

  “Actually,” My jaw tightens. “I’m volunteering my time. I’m not getting paid.” 

   Flames begin to build beneath his skin. He sits up straighter and hangs his legs over the bed. “Then I order you to stay.” His voice thunders under a cool tone.

   My eyes narrow at him. My hear begins pounding. “I’ve faced worse monsters than you. You don’t scare me. I’m not going to be a play thing for you.” 

  His eyes widen in astonishment. I’m of sure anyone had talked back to him before. Or none that lived. I take the momentary silence as a chance to walk towards the door. “What was it you said yesterday?” I turn to look behind me, seeing a taunting smile across his face. “Work can’t be done when I’m ‘pissy’? Imagine how pissy I’ll get if you walk out.” 

   I bite my cheek, glaring at him. Gods, I hate that smug look on his face. I close my eyes and tuck my hair behind an ear. Why did I have to say that? Now he has one more thing over me. “Fine.” I lift my hands up in defeat. “You… win.” Ignoring that damn smirk, I walk back to the bed, arms crossed. He sits back against the headboard once again and gestures for me to sit opposite him. 

   I sit, avoiding eye contact. This feels really odd to me to be in the bed of a perfect stranger. I can feel his eyes on me, his gaze piercing through me. “What’s your name?” 

  I look at him cautiously. “Vala.” I answer quietly. He stares at me expectantly, and I sigh. Let’s get this over with. “Vala Quintus.” 

   He nods, continuing to stare at me with curiosity. “Why do I feel I’ve seen you before?” 

  “I'm not sure.” I shrug, hoping this will turn out to be pleasant. “I'd gotten in some trouble when I was younger. Maybe you saw my file then…” I trail off. He nods, not saying anything for a while. An awkward silence stretches between us, only interrupted by his coughing. Each time I straighten up, he raises his hand to stop me. “That sounds really bad, I can grab some medicine or make a potion or something.” 

  He shakes his head. “Not if you need to leave.” 

   I roll my eyes, trying to think of a quick spell that would help. “You are impossible.” Once it comes to me, I stand up and slowly walk closer to him. He looks at me distastefully and with just a sliver of fear as I hold my hand close to him. “Fortunately, I know something that helps with normal coughs. But I need to…” How do I say this? “press my hand against your neck.”

   He grabs on to my wrist firmly with the gauntlet and straightens up. “What kind of fool do you take me for?” He hisses at me.

   I try to snatch my arm back with no prevail. If this is him dying, I can only imagine him at full strength. “If I tried to kill you, I’d end up dead. What kind of idiot do you think I am?” I feel his grip loosening as he considers my words. “Besides, if I was going to kill you, strangulation with one hand would be a bit stupid for me.” With my free hand, I gesture towards my body, thin with barely any muscles to show. He looks down my body and back into my eyes. Begrudgingly, he releases my arm, leaving inflamed imprints around the skin. I take a breath and gently place my hand over his neck, a shock of energy I didn’t expect vibrates my finger tips. I close my eyes, ignoring the sensation and envision honey dripping gown his throat, coating it completely with my magic. Once I’m satisfied, I release my hand and back off. “How does that feel?” 

   He takes a few deep breaths, testing the comfort of his sensitive throat. “Surprisingly well.” A small smile rests on my face as I sigh in relief. He may be an ass, but I just hate seeing him in pain like that. No one deserves that. He stares at me contemplatively. “You’re pretty good at that, huh?”   

  Caught off guard, I just stare agape for a second. “I… uh… I’d say so.” I see the wheels in his head turning and I don’t know if I feel dread or intrigue.

   After another bout of uncomfortable silence, he smiles to himself and reaches for some water. “So. How would you kill me?” I stare at him, blind sided and speechless. “You said if you were to, you wouldn’t have tried to choke me. So… how would you?” 

   So he did just ask me that. Hesitantly, I think of an answer. “I mean…” I sigh. “Obviously, you’re stronger than me. You have more training. So anything I would do would have to be a surprise. I could poison a tonic but you’d notice. Honestly, my best bet would be some thing in your sleep…”

    He raises an eyebrow. “Something like what?”

    I stir in my spot as I avoid his gaze. I just want to sink into the floor. “Honestly?” I look around his room, searching for an idea to this ridiculous conversation. A pommel sneaking out from beneath his pillow catches my eye. I take a breath and point to it. “I’d hide that better. I could just use that… and bury it in your neck…” 

  He darts his eyes to the edge of the pillow and shoves the knife further out of sight. “You’re smart, I’ll give you that.” His face has soften towards me. “And cute. I think I’ll keep you around.” 

  I stare at him. My heart races in my throat. “I need to go… um… I… I need time to make your tonic. Its not something I can do in an hour and I still need to sleep so…”

    I climb off the bed and take a few steps towards the door. “I’ll allow it.” He says in a cool voice, surprising me to a stop. “On the condition that you spend a part of your days in my company.” I turn and look at him, and sure enough, he’s serious. “And remember, I can make everyone’s life hell if I wanted.” • • •   The last few weeks pass by surprisingly not as painfully as I had imagined. Dr. Devorak was, of course, not too thrilled with me not being able to work nearly as much, but was relieved to know the Count wouldn’t bother them nearly as often. Lucio, himself, has been a lot more pleasant than I’ve been warned about. Every visit, I’m greeted with a gift that he won’t let me refuse. Necklaces, clothing, figurines, even went so far as to find the largest crystal I have ever seen. He also has kept true to his word, replacing the herbs, oils, and juices I need for his tonic. I’ve come to actually laugh around him and finding we have more in common than I could have imaged. 

   He’s still pretty fickle. He continues to watch me intently when I stand from the bed. Every time he compliments me, its always about him. And whenever I catch him opening up, he snaps a little. I really can’t help but wonder where it all came from. Why is he angry and distrusting? I may never know, but I do know I may be enjoying my time though I’ll never say it.

    I find myself walking a little faster today, arriving at his door far too soon for my liking. I take a moment to ground myself before knocking. After being called in, I walk through and to the bed where an intricate and cat shape crystal rests on my normal seat. I hold it in my hands, feeling a good deal of energy radiating from it. Slowly, I take my seat and look at him. “You really don’t have to keep doing this…” I look back down, feeling my chest swell with warmth. “It’s so beautiful… Thank you.”    He smiles, not even bothering to hide the cockiness of his pride. “It’s the least I could do for everything you do.” 

  I shake my head, closing my eyes to keep from rolling them. I can’t fathom how this is nothing to him. “Still. Where do you even find these things? I mean…” I stare at the fine details on the moonstone cat. “I could travel for months and may never find something like this.” 

  Lucio, who seems all to happy to boast, straightens up a bit, puffing out his chest. “Let’s just say I know a lot of people and I am very persuasive.” He winks at me and I fight back the burning in my cheeks. Persuasive indeed. I stare at the stone, admiring the magic emanating from its core. “I don’t get it.” He says, bringing me back into the moment. “Why are you here?” 

   I look at him, dumbfounded. “I… volunteered?”   He shakes his head, slightly annoyed. “Yeah, but why? You and your magic could be revered. Feared even. Play your cards right and you could rule countries! Why waste your time in a disease ridden dungeon?”

    I feel my chest start to tighten. I close my eyes and fight back any sliver of a memory of Greece. Of Sparta and my parents. “Maybe I don’t want that…” I rest my head in my hand and take a few breaths before looking back at him. “I’ve hurt people before. And I hate that I did that. So I want to help make other peoples live easier. People are dropping like flies because of this plague. How could I not help?”

    His eyes scrunch together. Again, I can’t read his expression. He looks either confused, worried, or in contemplation. “How do you mean? You don’t seem like the type.”

    Surprisingly, I smile a little. “Well, thank you… I think.” I look down at my hands, tangled over each other. “Look, I have been open and honest to you about everything. And I appreciate your patience, but… uh… there’s one part of my life no one will know about. Not Asra, my dad, even you, sir.” I look back at him. “This is the one thing I’ll beg you not to push.”

    I can see in the shape of his eyes he’s not happy with that. However, his mouth remains soft as he nods. “Is there anything you can tell me?”

    I stare at him for a bit. Why the hell does he care? Of what significance am  I to him? I sigh. “Back in Greece, my parents forced me into something bad. I left, which lead to worse things. I got on a boat to anywhere and ended up here. I gave myself a new name and made more horrible decisions that I already mentioned, kind of.”

    He stares at me for a while. His face is soft and quiet. “Understood…” He takes one of my hands, bringing it to his lips, chapped yet somehow still soft and warm. “I’m glad you left then.” 

   I use every ounce of strength to fight off the butterflies he’s given me. I try to tell my heart to calm down with little success. I compose myself enough to raise my eye at him. “Aren’t you a married man, sir?”

   He looks at my hand to avoid eye contact and shrugs. “Its merely a business arrangement if anything else.” 

   My eyes narrow as I tilt my head. “I get that. But you mean to tell me you married her and slept with her and shared a palace together, and you never felt love for her?” 

  He blinks at me. “I… well…” He fumbles to answer my unexpected question. His face hardens a little. “Perhaps there was a time. A short and fleeting time, but maybe. We both knew what this was going to be.” 

   I want to ask more, but he’s been really respectful of my wishes. I just nod. I swear I almost see sadness in his stone eyes. I look down to his hands and lift one to my lips. His skin is slightly clammy, a sad reminder of why I’m here. “It may not make a difference to you, but from what I’ve seen, you deserve to have someone care about you.” 

   He looks at me as if I had three heads. “Why would you say that?” He looks at me bewildered. Confusion stains he’s eyes. His lips form an almost perfect snarl. He straightens up and leans forwards towards me, his reddened eyes staring into mine, I can almost see a war inside of them. “Everything you heard about me is true. What would you know about what I deserve?”

    I know he’s trying to scare me. And its almost working. I am unsure what the mood change came from, but, whether I was ready for it or not, I’m invested. “Maybe. And I’m sure you deserve a lot. But… no one deserves this.” Carefully, I reach my thumb to his cheeks, feeling him shiver at my touch. “Especially alone.”

    Something in him snaps. His human hand reaches for the back of my head as he closes the distance between us. Our lips collide with a fevered passion. His claw gently cups my cheek. My brain screams a hundred reasons to leave right now, this is wrong, he’s up to something, he has the plague. Yet the electricity in my veins are completely drawn to him. My heart beats erratically as we deepen the kiss. My hand glides slowly up his chest an into his hair, a bit stiff from remaining bed ridden. I fearfully feel myself melt under the power of his touch. It terrifies me that I’m defenseless in his arms.

   We feed off each others breath as we pull ourselves closer. His metal hand trails over my chest and down my back. Our tongues start to dance as the heart stopping thud of his door knocking echoes in my ears. We pull apart as quickly as we collided just before Dr. Devorak strolls in for Lucio’s nightly check up. My heart beats with such an intense speed, my blood tells me to just leave. With my face still flushed, I put on my best smile and reach for his tonic. “Looks like my cue to leave…” I said in a frantic voice and hand him the bottle. “I’ll… I’ll be by tomorrow. Good night!” 

   I turn before I can see their reactions and scurry out the door before they could respond. I freeze as soon as the doors close behind me. My stomach drops as I try to wrap my head around the kiss. Gods, why do I feel like an idiot? After a moment or two and my heart has calmed, I started my walk back home, and tried to ready my mind for whatever is to happen over the next few days. • • •   I tried to set boundaries yesterday. I knew this had gotten too far. He’s my patient. He’s married. He’s the count. I needed restraint, which made his lips all the more intoxicating as he held me in his arms. For hours, we had stolen kisses and laughter. It was the one day his smile never lost its warmth. The aura around him was like a summers day at the beach. 

   I have to fight my own bubbling smile as I skipped over to his room. As I was about to knock, I am able to hear barking coughs and my heart sinks into my stomach. I rush in without a second thought and find Lucio curled under the covers, sweating and furiously shivering. I drop my bag and run to his side, placing my wrist over his head. His skin is damp and hot.

    His coughing gets progressively more intense, blood appearing across his mouth and slowly trickles down his face. I press my hand on his neck and try with all of my might to soothe his that through the spastic movements of his head and chest. I start to panic seeing my attempts doing little to help. My face runs cold and my eyes widen. “Okay… I’m getting you medicine...” My voice is barely a whisper as I sprint out the room and into the dungeons, desperation ringing in my voice as I demanded something to break his fever. I don’t even thank them before racing back to his side, feeding him the medicine. I go to wet a wash cloth and place it over his pale forehead.

    After about an hour, his shaking has calmed and he’s able to breathe with less complications. Dr. Devorak has already come in to check up on him. We both share a look. He’s getting worse and he needs rest. As soon as he leaves, I walk back to the bed side, my heart twisted into unknown shapes. He lays on his back, his eyes barely able to look at me. I gently comb my fingers in his now dampened hair. “Hey.” I say with a strained voice and a weak smile. “I’m going to let you rest, okay? I’ll be back tomorrow.”

    He grabs my hand as I start to turn. “No, please.” His hoarse voice shatters my ears with his plea. I don’t think he’s ever utter that word to me before. “Stay with me… I… I can’t be alone.” I just barely keep myself from trembling as I turn back to him. Fear drowns out any bit of color in his face. Tears start to well in his eyes as his breath gets shakier.

    I should go. I need to go. Yet my fingers wrap around his as my feet climb on to the bed to lie down next to him. I watch him fidget as he tries to get comfortable around his metal arm. “Why don’t you take that off. You’ll sleep easier.” To my surprise, he nods and removes it without a word or hesitation. He places it aside, a dead yet frightful look etched across his face. He lays back down and wraps his arm around me. I hold his head close to my chest, hoping the beating of my heart could lull him into comfort. For hours I hold him like this, not moving even as tears, sweat and blood filled mucous begin to dry on my chest. He eventually softens his breathing, finally sleeping.

    A  large, pulsating lump in my chest starts to scream at me. I quietly sob and tighten my embrace. I shed tears for the both of us. For the nights he’s spent afraid and in pain. For every time someone should have told him he wad loved. For everything lost, or will be lost. I cry for doing this to myself, for putting myself in this situation. I cry until my eyes close and the darkness snuffs out any remaining thought. 

  When I wake up, a dull pain takes over my chest, causing me to cough a little. I sit up, looking down at the stains on my skin and clothing. The spot next to me resides Lucio, sleeping deeply, but pained. I shake my head and look up, closing my eye. I take a sharp breath and carefully get out of the bed. I stretch my arms out and muffle another cough. I look to my side towards his nightstand. I tilt my head upon seeing an older book resting on it. Odd. I didn’t take him as the reading type. I pick it up, curious as to what he’s been interested in. On the cover, a strangely familiar symbol is engraved. The meaning is on the tip of my tongue, but the words escape me.  

  I flip through the pages, my face knitting further together. Spells? Rituals? The arcana? What the hell? I thought he didn’t trust magic. I continue to scour through the book, my throat becoming more dry and itchy, until I stop at a book marked page. Ice shoots through my veins like glass arrows. 

Connecting with an Arcana as a magician

  My breathing starts to quicken, only for me to begin a fit of coughs. For what felt like minutes, I struggled to inhale as my lungs forced my own breaths out into my hand, leaving no mercy. I nearly double over in fear and pain. As I feel my body relax and my throat starts to only throb, I look down at my hands, tinged red with the blood draining down my throat. 

  I barely have time to form a thought when I hear rustling from beside me. I look up, finding Lucio staring at me. His eyes wide and his mouth open. A fire starts behind my skin as I glower at him. He tries to speak, but his voice is silenced by the torn flesh in his throat. “No…” I say to him in a low voice. “You made a fool out of me. You were kind to me. You had me believe there was something good in you…” My voice rises frigidly. “I cared about you! I gave you my time and my magic and this is the thanks I get? You buttering me up to use me? I trusted you and you spat it in my face. And now I’m going to die because of you!” He stands up. I flinch away as he tries to touch me. “Don’t.” I step closer to him, our faces inches apart. “You are nothing. You will die alone and scared and in pain. My only regret is not being there to see it.” 

   I turn and storm towards the door. My blood rushes in my ears as my breaths get shallower. The last thing I hear is his last, forced attempt to atop me. “Please…” His voice was small and distorted. It sand in my mind as I slam the door behind me. I pace down the hall, making it half way before I have to catch my breath. The white fire burn as I cough keeps me from thinking this is all just a bad dream. I look down at my body and my hand, shaking from the frays of my nerves. 

   I continue to walk to the dungeons with my head hung over my chest. A guard stops me. “Authorized personnel only, miss.” He looks down to my chest. “Ma'am, is everything okay?” 

  I shake my head weakly. “Please get Dr. Devorak…” I whisper. He nods and quickly moves to grab the doctor.   Soon enough, he stands in front of me. I finally muster the energy to look up. “Dear gods…” he exclaims upon seeing me. “What the hell happened?”   

 Tears start to fill my eyes as I feel the words bubble in my mouth. “Looks like you have another patient to research on, doctor…”