#i think they share a loneliness where they could really bring comfort to each other

[boltmoonvic]

Space buddies ! 🪐

[noobsoconfusing]

‘domesticated dawg’.. domestic!hamzah

contains reader insert! and nsfw kinda at the end

- for his whole damn life, everything hamzah wanted was a home

- sure, he had one before, but to be honest, it was just a house. no meaning behind it other than his family living there with him.

- so when he eventually moved out, loneliness began hitting like a truck..

- he found himself alone. constantly trying to fit into everything mandy and martin did, but he understood his friends also wanted privacy

- although hamzah wished he could just live with his friends, everything seemed funner with them. mandy was nice, always sharing martin with him, letting him interrupt their conversations to add comments, making jokes about whatever and they even had a group chat!

- but still, that life was not his, it was martin’s. it was mandy’s. not hamzah’s.

- god, he so craved a relationship as beautiful as his friends. it made him so sad knowing that the only girl he pulled ever was in elementary school :(

- so when you stumbled upon his hectic life, he knew he was NOT letting u go. ever. never ever.

- and mother of god, you were just so so so perfect? how could you? like, for real, he asks himself everyday what the hell did he ever do to deserve such a beautiful human by his side

- as the relationship develops, he finds himself doing stuff he only dreamed about

- he enjoys every single little thing you guys do together, cherishes every moment with you, even when you’re not around he keeps your id picture in his wallet

- makes sure you don’t have to move a finger!!!

- dishes? he does em! the bed? he makes it! clean the cats litterbox? on it!

- sometimes you wake up to the faint smell of something burning, and you’ve gotten used to it by now it’s even comforting .

“sweetheart….” he’d whisper not to disturb your peaceful slumber, however the noisy rattling of the dishes and the blender going off earlier had you already awake.

“hmm?” you murmured slowly opening your eyes, his big eyes stared at you like a squished bug, it made you giggle how eager he was to serve breakfast in bed.

“you are never gonna believe what i just prepared!” he excitedly said.

you smiled, sometimes hamzah was like an excited toddler showing you everything he did or found.

“so like, last night i was on facebook and found this super cool french toast recipe and tried to make it today for you but uh… we didn’t have eggs… or bread.” he paused and you tilted your head. “so i also tried to make pancakes with water and the mix but uh.. you never really showed me how to lower the flame so uh, they’re bricks now…” he nervously scratched his head

he was so cute, or so you thought.

“it’s okay, hamzah, what did you make then?” you asked, invested heavily. he always managed to surprise you somehow.

quickly, he got up the bed where he was straddling you, and ran to the counter where he had left the plate.

“anyway, cereal!” he smiled so big waiting for your reaction of approval.

“wooooow! my favourite!” you smiled too.

“i know right!”

- hamzah tries SO hard to please you :(

- actually tries to spend every single hour of the day with you, due to his job he finds himself being at martin’s often, so he brings you with him each time!

- late night editing with him, where you two are just snuggled together under the covers, hamzah has his blue light glasses on, and you think, man, what a sight to see!

- hamzah actually thinks you guys are married..

- not to be intense or anything, but to him, being with you means for life. you guys are going serious. no escaping from this man now. no backing down now.

- you and the cats are his little family. he has found a home in you and is willing to keep it forever <3

- every moment with you counts to him.

- in the mornings you two brush your teeth together, sometimes he spits toothpaste on your hand to make you mad, which doesn’t really work because you do the same to him and then it all ends in a laughing fit

- HE HAS NO SENSE OF PRIVACY T_T

- you could be taking a shower and he’s right outside of the shower curtain taking a shit and talking about whatever was on his mind

- when you’re using the bathroom he would burst the door open to grab something he left inside, unapologetically look at you and smile innocently

- since your little house –apartment– is rather small, whenever you use the kitchen together he has to constantly guide you around in order to not bump into each other

- grabs your waist to prevent you from slipping if he spills milk or water..

- literally just an excuse to touch you, though.

- sometimes you’re cooking and he just sneaks behind you to give you a back hug. rests his chin on top of your head and stays there for a while

- needs you constantly ngl

- if there’s something wrong with the house, such as a leak or a burnt bulb, he would try his best to fix it himself to prove you he’s capable of everything

- usually ends badly and you have to call someone else to fix it but hey! he tried!

- since you both are not very extroverted, house dates are perfect.

- movie nights under the dim lights of the apartment that lead to make out sessions..

“h-hold…” you tried to say between sloppy kisses being planted on your neck. “hold on!” you laughed out loud when the hickey he was giving you tickled your collarbone.

“mhmm, why?” you could feel his warm breath as he murmured against your skin.

“movie…”

“rather do you, though.” he replied.

- ordering take out that just ends up on hamzah and you racing to see who can eat more

- he loves to see you wearing his clothes <3 like, it actually makes him physically happy and super fucking proud

- loves how his hoodies are undeniably big on you, and how his shirts falls down to your thighs, covering you up so perfectly. knowing you enjoy wearing his clothes just makes him realise how much you both need each other pretty much always

- hamzah has mentioned –to you– before his desire to actually grow your family a bit more, no more cats though, no dogs either. a baby, maybe. or two. three?

- and he was super blunt and serious about it, also. like he was being DEAD SERIOUS. he loves you, dude. this man is a family man.

“we are very serious, right?” he asked you out of the blue.

“yeah, of course.” you replied looking at his direction. the bed sheets covered his body so you could only see his face peeking out. it was funny.

“no but like, im super serious about you, about us… i love you a lot and i feel so deeply about you, is that alright? do you not feel weird about me? like, do you actually like me or…?” he rambled, and you knew how self conscious he could get sometimes ;(

“hamzah, i am so very serious about us too, i love being with you, why would you doubt that?” it made you sad, but you had to constantly reassure him.

he leaned in to kiss you, so soft and desperate at the same time, like he was trying not to break down.

“serious, right?” he asked again as he broke the kiss

“yeah, very serious, hamzah.”

a moment of silence. he played with your hair, then subtly touched your face in the dark, tracing your features.

“okay but speaking super fucking seriously, i wanna impregnate you and i wanna raise our children and live until we’re super fucking old, that alright?”

he deadpanned. and you never felt so loved, even if his ways were… odd. you knew he cared, and you did too!

“yeah. that alright.”

- morning sex hits hard w hamzah btw. so when you’re still tired and wanna be together you opt for this one as an excuse to get up until the evening

- this man needs you so much that he actually for real wants to merge your souls together

- but as he cannot do that yet, he settles for your bodies..

- sometimes when he’s working he just :( needs you and your warmth and your embrace and your presence and you you you you

- he’s obsessed with you to say the least

- yeah so cockwarming.. where he just begs for it, and you cant say no to that wet dog face :c though you know he wont even last a minute without moving cuz he’s needy like that.

- his hands are grasping at your waist for mercy, keeping you down and linked to his own body. he tries his best to keep still, though you wouldn’t mind if he actually started thrusting

- loves how warm you’re always :c it’s almost embarrassing how pathetic this man is for you

“mmm, im… oh, god! f-fuck, im sorry, can i…?” he whimpers, his eyes shut and his work long forgotten on the desk

and god, yeah. you need it too. he’s been inside for what felt like fucking hours. you were just as needy and desperate but didn’t wanna say anything :(

“yeah j-just…yeah..” you managed to say, your face buried in his neck, inhaling his cologne.

it was so damn intoxicating, you felt so drunk on him.

- big on aftercare. he wants to make you comfortable and loved, which yeah you feel like that around him. tho he also needs aftercare from you sometimes..

- hamzah thinks, you found him to save him. save him from his loneliness, his misfortune, everything. he is so glad that you exist and decide to share your existence with him.

- hamzah now doesn’t have to look for a home in other places. he doesn’t have to look out for love, for company somewhere else. he has you, you’re his home now. now and forever

- you’re a home that’s not taken. a home that’s not temporary. a home that waits for him everyday. a home that provides love and care. a home that he doesn’t feel he’s intruding..

- a home he doesn’t wanna run away from. not ever

>_<

down bad for this kinda hamzah bruv anyway hope some1 likes dis

[itslouisan]

((@leticiachaos on twitter))

Time for Q!Tallulah headcannons!!

Fair warning: this post has mentions of depression, abandonment issues, trust issues, poor living conditions; all of the mentions of Wilbur are ONLY mentions to his character not the real person.

• Due to her abandonment and trust issues, Tallulah created a tough and cold exterior not opening herself to anything new, but, if you manage to break the shell, she's sweet, caring, loyal, nice, creative, the loveliest egg possible

• She likes Richas, but has jealousy, after all he came AFTER her and still has most of the island around him and ADOPTING HIM??? While SHE had to ground herself to an empty promise of a returning loving father and feeling alone most of the time "without" a "real" family to comfort her.

• Due to her time in the attic Tallulah developed anemia due to not having for a long time the necessary nutrients and surviving off of dirt.

• She hates the smell of moss, dirt and related things despite loving botany due to her time in the attic

Black: depression, extreme anger, sorrow or loneliness, it's her way of expressing she's REALLY not feeling okay

• When she finally accepted Wilbur would never come back or be the father she wished and dreamt of, she cut her hair that was long since "hair holds memories", painted her hair black since Missa is Philza's partner and is more of a father to her than Wilbur could ever be and she was tired of holding herself to a small memory instead of accepting change and happiness

• Can't really vent not because her family wouldn't listen, but because of her trust issues and before having to be the "cute innocent girl who's there for everyone" she didn't have the space to vent and put her emotions first

• She was tired of her original red beanie matching Wilbur, it was too dirty and old, deciding to pick a purple one who matched her and a few mushroom hats to express her emotions

• Each color of mushroom represent an emotion (in canon I think she only had black and purple, but I expanded it considering there's a lot more patterns and colors of mushrooms, especially in a sort of magic island)

purple: neutral, calm, it's the regular she wears all the time

Pink: love, happiness, she's feeling creative or excited over something, possibly wanting or doing stims

Blue: shows more of "little" sadness, not strong enough to be depression or despair, but just enough to show it, also can mean fear.

Red: anger, hate.

• Due to her autism, she carries a pair of headphones ALL the time as well as stim toys, comfort objects or plushies, a sketchbook she writes and draws what she's feeling to better communicate it.

• She can play maracas, flute, piano, guitar (acoustic), kalimba.

• Big fan of musicals and history, in late nights she likes to listen to Philza's stories of the old times and Chay loves his battle stories, so they share this cozy moment

• In the beginning she could only see ghosts, but with time she could see the deities. She can see and feel their emotions but can't talk with them much, she mainly can see Mumza and Rose, Rose in the sanctuary where her power is centered and stronger, Mumza all around her dad (Phil >:) ) and every time she's with the crows.

• Knows flower language to write better letters to everyone, adding a deeper meaning, sometimes saying secret stuff through the flowers and as an extra giving pretty flowers

• Tallulah sometimes paints her nails with Phil and Chayanne, every week with a different design

• When Missa is home back from his journeys, Tallulah sees how exhausted her dad is, so she speaks in spanish (their native languages) and makes him some food or brings fruit

• Before she officially forgot Wilbur whenever she would come with other residents and her siblings, Tallulah sometimes felt weak, abandoned, left behind, after all, ALL the others had their parents, had close connections, she hated it but couldn't help but feel jealous, in these situations Phil and Chayanne always reassured her the best they could that they would never leave her and that she wouldn't go back to the attic.

• Makes bracelets for her close family, always wearing one with PxTxC on her left hand (Philza, Chayanne and Tallulah), in the right one she has a TxCxR (Tallulah, Richas, Chayanne) or it could be TxCxP (Tallulah, Chayanne, Pomme) after all she doesn't hate Richas, she hates that he's immature and acts "entitled" and dramatic over his issues, but still tries her best to be a good sister to him, also loves pomme a lot!! Considering Pomme her bestie

Reminder: Tallulah is just a child in rp, children don't know how to control their emotions and in situations of abandonment, neglect and lack of a trusting bond with a caretaker, children can struggle even more with emotions, care, jealousy, trust, self-esteem etc, so don't call Tallulah "selfish" or "spoiled" she has every right to be that way after what she's been through

• Due to her depression,sometimes Tallulah can't take care of herself, spending days or weeks in bed or just not feeling like going out, or when she does she doesn't show much interest, in these cases Phil and Chayanne always cooked some nice food and drinks, went to the nests, and chatted and comforted her

• She became a great fighter after the events of pre-purgatory and purgatory, she NEEDED a tough exterior since she was without Chayanne, and that time worsened her depression severely

[writingduhh]

hiiii is it possible to do B L and Y for Ted? thank youuuuu

Here ya go! <3

Ted Nivison || SFW Alphabet

B - Beauty (What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?)

He loves your laugh. It’s the kind of sound that brightens his day, no matter how rough it’s been. The first time he heard it, he was completely captivated. It happened during one of our late-night gaming sessions when Ted cracked a dumb joke, and you burst into laughter, almost falling off your seat.

He adores how infectious your laugh is, how it fills up a room and brings smiles to everyone around you. It’s genuine, carefree, and uniquely yours.

To Ted, your laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world. He’d go out of his way just to hear it, time and time again.

L - Love Confession (How would they confess to their s/o?)

The night was cool, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves around you. You both sat on the hood of Ted's car, laughing about old jokes and reminiscing about the past. As the laughter died down, a comfortable silence settled between you, only the distant hum of the city below filling the air.

Ted took a deep breath, breaking the silence. "Y/n, there's something I've been wanting to tell you," he said, sounding a bit nervous.

You turned to face him, curious. "What's up, Ted?"

He fiddled with a loose thread on his jacket, not meeting your eyes. "We've been friends for a long time, and I love that. But lately, I've been feeling... more."

Your heart started racing. "More?"

He nodded, finally looking at you. "Yeah, more. You're not just my best friend. You're the person I think about all the time, the one I want to share everything with. I didn't want to risk our friendship, but after tonight, I just had to get it off my chest."

His words hung in the air, heavy with emotion. You could see the vulnerability in his eyes, the fear of rejection mingling with hope.

"I've been in love with you for a while now," Ted continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "And I know this might come out of nowhere, but I had to tell you. I had to let you know how much you mean to me."

You felt a wave of emotion wash over you, your own feelings rising to the surface. "Ted, I... I've felt the same way. I was just too scared to say anything."

A slow smile spread across his face, relief and joy shining in his eyes. "Really?"

You nodded, a smile breaking out on your face as well. "Really."

Without another word, Ted leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tender kiss. It was a kiss filled with years of unspoken feelings and longing, a promise of the future you both wanted. As you pulled away, both of you breathless and smiling, Ted wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close.

"This is just the beginning, y/n," he murmured, his voice full of warmth and love. "I can't wait to see what the future holds for us."

"Neither can I, Ted. Neither can I.”

Y - Yearning (How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?)

Whether you're apart for a few days or in a long-distance relationship, Ted always finds himself missing you and your company. When you're not together, he stays busy to manage the heartache and loneliness but also loves keeping in touch throughout the day—updating you on his day, asking about yours, and even sending you memes and TikToks he finds. He treasures the nightly "phone dates" he sets up, where you can call or FaceTime each other.

"Man, I really miss you," Ted admits softly, his voice tinged with longing. "It's tough not having you here."

"I know," you reassure him gently. "Just a few more days, and I'll be back."

Ted pauses, a rush of words spilling out. "Lately, I've been seeing so many things that I wish you were here to experience with me—like this incredible sunset I caught the other day. There's this new hiking trail with breathtaking views—I can't wait to hike it together when you're back."

You smile, touched by his longing and excitement through the phone. "I can't wait to experience all those things with you too."

[2baddiesfanfics]

Midnight Snack

Pairing: Arlecchino x Furina

Tags: Vampires, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Blood, Feeding

Summary:

When Arlecchino returns from a harbinger meeting later than expected, Furina is still grappling with her new reality as a vampire. She needs all the support she can get, but since she feeds exclusively from the Knave, how will she handle the extended period without her lover's blood? 

Read on Ao3

The harbinger meeting took far longer than Arlecchino had expected, which meant she was away for longer than she desired. She had left Furina back in Fontaine to manage the House of the Hearth, but also to keep her secret hidden from her colleagues. If they realized what she had become, they would no doubt want to use her powers for their own bidding.

When she arrived, she headed straight toward their shared room, and was sure to knock before entering.

“Droplet…are you there?” She inquired as she scanned the pitch-dark room. “I’m sorry, I tried to leave as soon as possible.”

As she traversed further inside, she noticed a lump curled up under the comforter. A familiar, albeit weak, voice answered, “I-it’s okay. I understand.”

Furina peeled back the comforter to greet her properly, her blue eyes glowing with hunger. Her parched lips parted, and the Knave watched as the girl licked her fangs.

“You must be thirsty,” Arlecchino said as she began to roll up her sleeves. Both of them were new to this - after her transformation, the former archon had only allowed herself to drink from the woman now at her side. Since she had been away so long, the girl was aching with a longing to feed. The harbinger brought her arm up to her mouth.

“Drink.”

Without hesitation, she sunk her fangs into the Knave’s wrist. As the crimson elixir of life oozed to the surface, the girl lapped it up so fast she thought she might choke.

“Now, now…don’t get greedy. There’s plenty more where that came from. Hopefully, this will tide you over for a bit,” she teased as she ran her fingers through her white locks.

Panting, Furina released her wrist. “I’m sorry, how rude of me. How was the meeting?”

“Tedious as usual. But I was able to talk them down from having me bring you in. I may have…bent the truth about your condition, but they’ll be none the wiser.” She smirked as she removed her jacket and set it on the back of a nearby chair.

“I don’t mean to be such a burden to you. I just…didn’t know where to go or who to turn to. First the whole Focalors fiasco and now this? The people of Fontaine would run me out of the city.”

Arlecchino remembered that night as clear as it were yesterday. The way her heart rose into her throat as she witnessed Furina crawl to her doorstep bloodied and pale. The two had only been seeing each other in secret for a few months, but witnessing her in such a state made her reel with anger and a desire to find the person responsible.

“When I was attacked by that…that creature in the woods, you were the only one I could think of…”

“And you did the right thing coming home to me.”

“I’m glad you see it that way, but I certainly feel as if I’m nothing but a burden to you now. You’re stuck with me. You’re always putting my needs ahead of your own.” Furina began to cry as she tried to express her frustration. “I know the truth. If it weren’t for the way my bites cause arousal, you would leave.”

She felt a slender finger lift her chin, and those familiar deep red X’s peered into her soul. “Do you really think so little of me? It may be an…unexpected benefit. However, even if it caused me great pain, I would still allow it because I care for you. If this is what I need to endure to have you by my side for eternity, it’s a minuscule price to pay.”

Her tears ceased. Both women had known loneliness. Understood what it was like to wake up in the morning and just survive another day. To not have to be alone ever again was not something Furina had thought possible.

“Eternity by your side?” she questioned.

“You know I myself live with a curse. But now that you also have a condition you struggle with…we can do this together. That is…only if you wish it.”

“Of course I wish it!” She exclaimed with a fanged smile. Grabbing the other woman’s hands, she pulled her onto the bed with her.

Her mouth grazed the Knave’s and a shallow growl vibrated in Furina’s throat. One of her fangs gently nibbled at Arlecchino’s bottom lip and the harbinger’s hands wandered to start to rid them of their clothing.

Clutching the former archon’s chin, she pulled her into a deeper kiss as she slipped her tongue between her lips. Stretching her neck taught, the Knave’s elongated nails drew her attention to her carotid artery. “Like what you see? Go ahead. Take what you need,” she commanded, her voice husky with lust.

Without the need for further invitation, Furina sank her teeth into her mate. Arlecchino moaned in approval as she felt the warm suction against her neck. “What a good girl. Good girls get rewarded.”

Sliding her free hand between their bodies, she found the former archon’s soaked entrance with ease. The girl groaned as she felt a finger slip inside her. When she added a second, Furina gasped and released her hold on her neck.

Blood trickled down the corner of her mouth. The harbinger licked the red streak before crushing her mouth against hers once more. Her wrist moved rapidly, bringing Furina to climax with muffled moans.

With her newly quickened reflexes, the former archon flipped their positions. Her face smeared with vermillion remnants of her feeding, she looked as powerful as she now felt. “You’d think with that many bites you’d be begging for your turn.”

Arlecchino wasn’t going to admit it, but she ached to feel her inside of her. Grabbing her hand, she placed it between her thighs already wet with need.

“I see I don’t need to prolong this,” Furina chuckled darkly. She shifted down her body and situated herself comfortably between her legs. Licking between her slick lips, she applied firm pressure to her bud. She watched hungrily as Arlecchino’s chest heaved. With expert control, she took her clit and rolled it between her tongue and one of her fangs.

“Archons! Fuck!” She screamed in surprise at such a lascivious and unexpected move. Furina added two fingers into the mix, thrusting in combination with her licking. The harbinger’s back arched off the bed as she tried to hold onto the feeling.

“D-droplet…ahhhh…shit…ooooh…close,” she warned before her juices shot against her lover’s tongue.

Furina rolled off her and watched as the Knave’s body twitched from the intensity of her orgasm. When she finally regained the ability to think, she grabbed the former archon and drew her closer.

“Now tell me…where did you learn that little trick?” She asked.

“Oh, you know. Vampires have always been the subject of many interesting paranormal romance novels. I thought it might be fun to try,” she explained. “Was it?”

“Very much so. This new side of you has quite the mischievous streak,” she answered as she kissed the top of her head. “Well worth freezing my ass off for in Snezhnaya.”

[bestcurse]

when miller rolls through his front door in the early hours of the morning, following a night out, he’s only got one thing on his mind. really, she’s been on his mind all night long, but this is the first moment he’s had to himself to do anything about it (unless you count the stupid, drunken text he’d sent her earlier in the night— fuck, and that’s only if it had been decipherable, in the first place). he takes the time to try and sober up a little, as he navigates his way through his apartment, colliding with the occasional piece of furniture that’s definitely going to leave his skin bruised, when he wakes up in the morning. but, it’s as he settles near his open window, burning ember already alight at the end of his cigarette, and a coffee resting beside him, that he thinks of the nightly ritual they used to share together, coming home after being out with friends. and he can’t help the way the wound in his chest opens once more, a familiar ache he’s become far too acquainted with, as he fishes his phone out of the pocket of his jeans, scrolling until his finger is hovering over her name. this had become a regular occurrence for them, as of late, speaking over the phone, deciding to remain an integral part of each others lives, despite the amount of distance wedged between them. he can’t remember if he’s ever called her this late before (not that he’s looked at the time), nor has he done so without any warning, but he doesn’t think of either of those things, or where or who she could be with right now, as he dials her number, bringing his phone up to his ear as it rings. in fact, the only thing he’s thinking of right now is her, and how badly he missed her tonight, how much he wished she was here with him, right now. it had been instinctual, then, searching for her throughout the crowd earlier tonight, as if he might see her face, somewhere amongst the sea of people, providing him with a comfort that only she has ever been capable of doing. instead, he was only left with a pit of loneliness— a night filled with faux smiles and strained laughter and a desperate, longing desire to be elsewhere. to be with one specific person, really, the only one who’s ever made him feel less like a half and more like a whole. so, it’s a relief when he hears her pick up on the other end, when the mere sound of her voice is enough to stop his mind from spinning, from entering this downward spiral he wasn’t sure he’d be able to claw his way out of, this time. “ hey, ” he’s quick to say, as if the insouciance of it will disguise his reasoning for calling, at this hour. “ fuck, you weren’t asleep, were you? i just realised how late it is… i can call back tomorrow, if you were. ”

[yellowhollyhock]

i cant help but wonder what your overall thoughts/observations of lotus blossom are ✨ your analyses are always so fun to read

aah yayay!!

Lotus Blossom~

She's been a prodigy since an early age. Therefore great character for burnt out gifted kid projection ✨ Never feeling like she can rely on anyone but herself, wary of people who pressure her or praise her accomplishments (what do you want and why don't you just ask for it in straightforward language), feeling alienated from her peers because as a kid adults set her up as a standard which inspired jealousy and made friendships difficult no matter how nice she was.

And for her that loneliness is tenfold because she also grew up an orphan. This poor girl has never had a support network she could really let her walls down with. (i mean i assume she became an orphan at some point, not sure if she was old enough to remember her parents and if so that grief would play into all of this)

Feeling misplaced in time is such an interesting concept to work with. I imagine she loved reading stories as a kid but, especially as she got older, felt she couldn't indulge unless they had a purpose. Studying history is a way for her to engage with stories while having a clear defense that it's part of her studies if asked about it. And it's very easy for her to romanticize it because people who lived that long ago can't use or reject her, and she can imagine that she would find understanding with them if it were possible to speak to them

Also, the money. That's a pursuit no one could call silly or childish, all adults need money. And if she can't find any security in relationships, it makes perfect sense to make herself a secure world with things. Also love love love the idea you've brought up before about her using her money to spoil her friends. Just think how long she's been waiting for someone to share that with.

Very interesting that right away she takes the idea of ghosts very seriously. Like to think she's had experience with the supernatural before. It makes sense that a lonely soul with incredible intelligence and determination to humanize the people from the past she learns about would be like a magnet for wandering ghosts.

I love that her and Leonardo are immediately interested in each other because neither of them have ever been evenly matched before. It's just such a fun way for them to have that initial interest; it's believable and intriguing and gives both their friendship and romance a jumping off point that's comfortable and fun while also bringing in growth opportunities. maybe not that comfortable since she was hired to kill him but i mean it doesn't go straight to deep emotional vulnerability. they can start out with fun dates where they fight each other

[silverflqmes]

haithellie

- who fell first and how?

- what book sealed the deal on your relationship?

- did you guys join a book club together, if so — what was the book that caught both of your guys’ eye?

- what do the boys think about your guys’ relationship? (kaveh, cyno, & tighnari)

tartellie

- how did you guys meet and how long did it take for a single date?

- which of you said i love you first and how?

- e2l, which one admits they’re in love first and why?

yuellie

- he misses the high cloud quintet, how do you comfort him?

- you both fight phantylia together, who falls down first?

- bonus: who went for the body? i think i can answer this one

sephellie

- how to make a day of fun so sephiroth can be human again

- how would you style his hair for fun

- how to get him to stop being cloudobsessed and you-obsessed instead!!!

at long last i answered your ask bc monkey brain has just been SEPHIROTH SEPHIROTH SEPHIROTH as of late.. ahem. now without further delay, time to get the cogs winding

𓍼 haithellie.

— if i’m going with my e2l idea, he fell first because i was in hella denial.. but i fell harder. i haven’t really come up with much but i’m thinking we would both be in places in our lives where we’re dealing with loneliness?? for me i would have left home to study so i’d kinda be adjusting, while alhaitham has kinda been on his own, having lost his parents from young, and later his grandmother that took care of him after that. so i think we would have found mutual comfort in each other and he would have caught some feelings just from little details. stupid habits i have, shared interests, the bantering since we would have both been in the same darshan..

— i totally missed this question until i went back to read for the next ship but UHHH the wicked king cuz it’s my fav and i’ll never be normal about it

— we joined a book club not knowing that the other would be in there too LMAO it was just supposed to be a pastime kinda thing and it was just coincidence that we both ended up in it together.. but let me think, me being me i like my romantasy books so i dunno it alhaitham would also be into those.. but i could see him reading the folk of air — totally not bc it’s my favorite series, totally not bc we act like jude and cardan, totally not because — yeah, you got me..

— alhaitham wants them nowhere near me ( minus tighnari ) because they would enable me and they would tease him sm.. but i think we would be super chill together, i could see us playing uno or monopoly and just- disaster happening BAH but anyway i think they would be happy about alhaitham finding someone after his losses, and even it kaveh might be petty.. he’s happy for him<3

𓍼 tartellie.

— omg akira-san, i mean uh, tartaglia, yeah.. ahem. let me think.. we would have met at a flower shop, he was buying flowers to bring home to his family since he was likely away from home for a good while. he was just scanning all the different types, not sure which to pick, to which he would approach me, thinking me to be the store clerk ( i was not ). confused, i would break to him that i do not work there.. to which he would get embarrassed LMAO but since we were talking, he would ask on my opinion anyway, to which i’d try my best to offer a few options to my basic knowledge of flower language. i think he would show interest in the way i talk and explain, the hand gestures and expressions i make, but he’d ignore it.. until we stumbled once more upon each other, where he would chat with me.. and then proposes the idea of getting lunch. totally not a date, just lunch..

— he did and probably said so without even saying those three words tbh?? i don’t know how he would say it, but uh maybe smtn like.. “it’s strange.. home, until now was always being with my family back in snezhnaya.. but somehow, you seemed to have brought that feeling to me here and have blossomed it into something a little more than family, something special and precious to me.”

— now for this.. me LMAO if it was e2l it would end up as an unspoken confession i feel?? maybe if he was seriously injured or um, overdid things again because he used foul legacy or his delusion in a fight.. to which i would yell at him in a way that sounded like i really cared for him, and tartaglia would end up saying something along the lines of me sounding like i loved him or something.. to which i would go silent and he would piece it all together. unspoken confession!!

𓍼 yuellie.

— understandable as to why he would miss them, especially cuz he’s the last one remaining and with his memories in tact. it’s kinda heartbreaking honestly, but i understand the kinda fall of a friend group in a way, granted i still talk with mine but very minimally these days. regardless, i would do my best to comfort him, maybe take him out or encourage him to come be around others as well outside of his duties, just to feel yk welcomed as a dude and not just as a general. i think he’d like something like that cuz company helps when you miss those that you were once close with.

— AKWJSJDJSKSJ i fall down first and i make sure to KNEEL ( i did it on purpose ) yuan is probably like ellie???? and i’m like ain’t no way you said you’re going for the body — I’M GOING FOR THE BODY, YOU SIT YOUR ASS BACK THERE. atp he’s like, am i about to have my girl stolen by horrifyingly attractive woman that wants to kill us and is not just twice but several times her size?? he’s just watching in complete shock but like part of him understands.. i mean.. come on.

— I WENT FOR THE BODY AGAIN AND AGAIN ahem, your assumptions are likely correct.

𓍼 sephiellie.

— screams in sephiroth. okay um. let me actually get into this. sooo a day to make sephi have fun and feel more human.. well! after buying flowers from a certain peddler, i would whip out my super slay cool flip phone and urge him to come over after work because i had a surprise for him. said surprise is flowers to braid into his hair and a flower for him to keep at home cuz sephiroth having a green thumb sounds so adorable. for the rest, it would be just a cute self care day to remind him of his humanity in spite of whatever modifications and experiments were done on him ( FUCK YOU HOJO YOU UGLY ASS PIECE OF SHIT, THERE’S A REASON I’M NOT IN FFVII AND THAT’S BC YOUR ASS WOULD BE THROUGH, WHICH MEANS THE STORY DOESN’T END UP HAPPENING SO NO GAME )

— the braid with the flowers in it! high ponytail for sure HE IS SO PRETTY<3 maybe a bun as well after i told him that mine absolutely sucked and that my mom refused to let me out of the house without her doing my hair.. so he would ask to see how bad said bun is — so it ends up messy because i didn’t wanna make it too tight.. his hair is also super long.. but he liked it, probably wondered why i couldn’t leave the house when it looked so nice on him ( sobbing he’s so so sweet ), furthermore i would try the princess leia space buns and perhaps twin tails<3 he also would do my hair and try out different styles too, he’s so gentle<3

— I DON’T KNOW I GUESS I NEED SOME MAKO BATHS AND HIS CELLS SO HE CAN INVADE MY THOUGHTS INSTEAD😐 but like.. sefikura.. IM TORN

okay i believe that was all of them.. this took way longer than i’d expected😭

[silvfyre-writings]

Snapshots Pt. 4 (BSD Fanfic)

Hello, and welcome back to the next chapter of Snapshots! I'm glad that so many of you seem to be enjoying these fun little stories, and I happen to enjoy writing them a lot!!!

This time it's clothing because Ranpo looks good in anything and nothing will change my mind about that.

So, enjoy!

One thing that had always been a sore spot for Ranpo growing up was clothing.

As a child, he’d never truly understood what society had meant by girl and boy clothes; they were just clothes, so why did it matter who wore them? To him, clothes were all about comfort, but as a child, that wasn’t something he’d really been allowed to do, since his parents had bought of his clothes for him—boy clothes, to be exact. And while Ranpo had no issue wearing such clothes, he couldn’t deny that he was curious about the clothing that the opposite gender to him wore. Every time his mother had taken him out to the shops with her, he’d always found himself browsing the girl’s section, curious, and wanting. The only downside was that whenever his mother saw what he was looking at, she’d gain a look on her face and drag him away, distracting him with the first thing that came to mind, which was easy to do, because as a child, Ranpo was interested in everything.

As a teenager, his fascination with clothing was pushed to the back of his mind on account of losing both his parents and his home, but it was still there, just waiting to return to the surface again when the time was right. It took months for that time to come, because after arriving in Yokohama, life just got harder for Ranpo, and with limited money—if he had any at all—clothes were the last thing on his mind. But things got better when he met Fukuzawa, and found himself in the man’s care after they’d worked together to solve the murder of the theatre; sure, he’d almost died, but he’d in the process he’d learnt he was gifted, and gained a home and legal guardian, so really, almost dying wasn’t the worst thing that had happened to him.

At first, Ranpo hadn’t been sure of his place in Fukuzawa’s life, because whilst he had offered up his home to Ranpo, Fukuzawa’s past was filled with loneliness and bloodshed. So, it’d taken a while for the two of them to figure out their dynamic with each other, both of them taking tentative steps to try and figure out the do’s and don’ts of it all. Eventually, they’d figured it out, with Fukuzawa accepting that he was now responsible for guiding and protecting Ranpo where his parents no longer could, and Ranpo learning that Fukuzawa wasn’t going to treat him the same as all the other adults in his life.

Apparently that also included his parents, because when they’d gone shopping to get some extra clothes for him, Ranpo hadn’t been able to stop himself from eyeing the girl’s section. There’d been more variety than there had been in his hometown, with various different styles and options that had aroused Ranpo’s curiosity, bringing back that fascination he’d begun to think was lost forever. It’d only taken him a second to panic though, remembering that his fascination wasn’t shared by others, only to have Fukuzawa place a hand on his shoulder and ask him if he wanted to look. Ranpo had stared at Fukuzawa in shock before nodding and they’d looked at all kinds of clothing before buying more outfits than Ranpo had ever owned in his life.

And it was because of Fukuzawa and his lack of judgement, that Ranpo had been allowed to experiment and discover himself, leading him to become comfortable with who he was, and who he wanted to be by the time that he was an adult; even if that comfort and confidence didn’t often show itself in public. Because apparently the adults of the world weren’t too fond of seeing men wear clothing that wasn’t tailored to them specifically, and whenever Ranpo made the decision to wear a skirt, or a dress, in public, he couldn’t help but notice the stares thrown at him.

Ranpo tried his best not to care though, because what he chose to wear was his business and his alone, and if what he wore upset people, then that was their problem, not his. He was comfortable in his clothing choices, and the people closest to him, supported him, and that was all that mattered to him.

And then the fighting started.

By the time he was twenty-six, Ranpo was comfortable as ever, but with everything that’d been going on, Ranpo had chosen to wear the clothes that brought him the most comfort; the detective clothes that Fukuzawa had brought for him when it’d become clear that Ranpo wasn’t going to grow any taller. And with everything that’d been going on, it’d been all anyone had seen him in for months, so by the time that the conflict ended, people seemed to have forgotten that he enjoyed wearing clothing that wasn’t entirely masculine.

And because of that, the confidence that Ranpo had spent years building up, was gone, and he’d resorted to only wearing those clothes in the comfort of his own home, where the only people that were likely to see him were Fukuzawa and Yosano, who knew about Ranpo’s preferences. It was fine though, because Ranpo knew it wouldn’t take long for him to rebuild that confidence, so long as nothing threw a wrench in the works.

So of course, the metaphorical wrench was thrown, when Ranpo ran into Poe on the street, the writer choosing to stay in Yokohama, and Ranpo, suddenly filled with a desire to befriend the man, forced Poe into giving him his number. Poe had anxiously, and reluctantly, handed it over before running away; yet the writer still responded when Ranpo texted him later that day.

And the wrench was thrown again, when Ranpo began to have romantic feelings for Poe and vice versa, because while Poe was more than content to throw his feelings about and tell Ranpo just how he felt, Ranpo was more reserved about it; he’d spent his entire teenage years trying to figure himself out, and in return, he’d neglected to even delve into the world that was romance. Ranpo felt a little bad for Fukuzawa during that period, since his guardian had to listen to him rant about how he felt and how he didn’t understand what it was that he was feeling.

The final wrench was when he and Poe started dating, and Ranpo wound up spending more time at Poe’s place than his own, because while he and Poe had talked a lot over the past few months, Ranpo had never opened up to the writer about how he sometimes preferred to wear clothing different to what Poe had seen him in before, and Ranpo was just a little scared that Poe might think less of him if he found out.

“I’ll be back in a week.”

Those were the words that Poe had left him with, along with a kiss and a hug, before leaving for America on a short business trip; apparently, one of Poe’s old clients from when he’d been the Guild’s architect had requested his assistance on a project, and apparently they hadn’t been willing to adjust to the time zone difference in order to communicate. Not that Ranpo minded, because Poe had looked so happy at being asked to do the job he’d chosen for himself to pursue—Poe may have been a master writer and published author, but writing had always been a hobby to him, while architecture had been an interest—so Ranpo had supported his partner in his decision, a promised to call whenever he had time.

And since Poe had chosen to take Karl with him, that left Ranpo alone in the mansion that he called home now, which also meant that he could wear whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, without fear of being seen. The skirts and dresses that he’d brought with him when Poe had asked him to move in, were pulled out of the corner of the closet they’d been shoved into, and for that first day, Ranpo had pulled each and every one of them out of the box just so he could look at them and remind himself of what he owned.

The second day that Poe was gone, he’d worn a cute skirt and an oversized long-sleeved shirt.

The third day he’d worn one of his summer dresses, despite it not quite being the weather for it.

The fourth day he’d chosen to wear his favorite outfit, not because it was the comfiest, but because it was the one he felt the best dressed in. The outfit was simple, really; leggings—something he only wore with this outfit in particular—a black skirt, and a long-sleeved crop top. It was the first outfit he’d picked on his own and paid for with his own money, so it was quite important to him.

It was the fourth day, when he was wearing this outfit and lounging on the couch, watching a movie, that Poe came home early from his trip.

Ranpo had been so focused on the movie he’d been watching, that he hadn’t even realized that Poe was home until the furry ball that was Karl, flew into his lap, chattering and pawing at him in excitement. “Karl!” Ranpo lifted the raccoon into the air, a grin on his face before he brought into a hug. “Did you miss me?”

“He wasn’t the only one that did.” A hand came to rest on one of his shoulders while lips were pressed against his temple.

Ranpo hummed and turned his head to capture Poe’s lips into a proper kiss. “Well, I missed you too. You’re back early.”

“My client is rather easy to please.” Poe said, kissing Ranpo once more before he pulled away and stepped around the couch in order to join Ranpo in sitting on it. “It’s not my first time working with them either, so I already knew what I was—wait, what are you wearing?”

Ranpo froze, his hands pausing where they’d been running through Karl’s fur. In his joy in seeing both Karl and Poe again, he’d forgotten that what he was currently wearing wasn’t what he normally wore. He opened his mouth to respond, only for his words to fail and clog up his throat.

Poe was quick to spot his growing panic, because he was so observant when it came to Ranpo’s emotions, and grabbed one of Ranpo’s hands in his own, threading their fingers together and squeezing gently to soothe him. “Hey, don’t panic, take a breath for me. You’re fine.”

Ranpo nodded, and squeezed Poe’s hand in return, taking in a single shuddering breath. He repeated the motion again, and again, until he felt the panic easing, although he was still tense as he waited for Poe to speak again, to judge him, to call him a freak.

Only, it never came. Once he’d calmed down, Poe smiled softly and brought their linked hands up to his lips in order to press a kiss to the back of Ranpo’s hand, the gesture enough to chase away the last vestiges of panic. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Poe murmured, lowering their hands back down. “I only asked because your outfit makes you look cute.”

“Really?” Ranpo’s face began to heat up, the blush spreading from his cheeks to his ears like it always did whenever Poe gave him a compliment.

“Of course. I wouldn’t lie to you. I was just surprised because I’ve never seen you wear clothes like this before.”

“I haven’t worn clothes like this since Atsushi joined the Agency, because in the middle of a conflict, my usual clothing was easier and more convenient, but I’ve always enjoyed wearing skirts and—” Ranpo cut himself off, turning his face away from Poe before he said too much. He felt his hand be squeezed, and took a breath to continue. “—and dresses on the odd occasion. They’re comfortable.”

Poe’s lips twitched into a frown. “But the Agency isn’t in the middle of a conflict right now, so how come you haven’t worn what you feel comfortable in until now?”

“Ah, that’s…” Ranpo didn’t want to admit it was because he was scared, but he didn’t have to, because Poe was just as smart as him and could easily put together the pieces of the puzzle based upon everything that Ranpo had said. And before he knew it, Ranpo found himself being pulled into an embrace, Poe’s arms wrapped around him firmly.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel as if you couldn’t be yourself around me.” Poe murmured into his hair. Ranpo made a noise of protest, because it wasn’t Poe’s fault at all, only to be shushed by the man. “Ranpo, I love you for you, and that includes all parts of you, so if you want to wear the skirts and dresses that you own, then you are more than welcome to do so. And if you fear my judging you, then you don’t need to, because I don’t care if you prefer feminine clothing over masculine; if it’s what makes you comfortable, then just wear it, okay?”

Ranpo’s blush grew even more, and he hid his face against Poe’s shoulder. He heard Poe chuckle, and whined. “Laughing is forbidden.”

“Sorry, but you look even more adorable when you’re embarrassed like this.”

Karl let out a loud chatter then, eyes flicking between Ranpo and Poe from where he still sat in Ranpo’s lap.

“See, even Karl agrees with me.”

“I hate you both.” Ranpo grumbled, although there was a smile on his face, one of relief at how easily Poe had just accepted him. Then again, why had he even worried in the first place? This was Poe, who wore Victorian era clothing like it was still in fashion—heeled boots and all—so it made sense that he would never judge Ranpo for what he chose to wear.

“What are you thinking about, Ranpo?” Poe asked, letting Ranpo go just so he could tuck some stray hair behind his ear.

“Nothing.” Ranpo said and stood from the couch, Karl in his arms. “But would you perhaps like to see the rest of my wardrobe?”

Poe’s own smile was soft as he stood up as well, and began to follow Ranpo to their room. “It would be my pleasure.”

[greensaplinggrace]

for the ship game: malina and darklina :P

Malina

I love how mal and alina always represent home for each other. they are always each other's safe harbors and they always always come back to each other in the end. their relationship is built on a foundation of friendship and tenderness, on loyalty and dedication and family. they can always find each other no matter where they are, and I think the concept of them being true north to each other is a really lovely one full of so much meaning.

I love their physical connection, the matching marks on their hands, the way they are always holding each other, always reaching for each other, how they can almost feel each other's bodies even when they're separate. I love how grounding the relationship is, how solid and steady mal can be for alina, how he always tries to bring her back to earth. how they hug and touch and hold hands and cuddle at every opportunity. how every scene with them is bright and sunny and you can almost feel the wind in your hair and the grass on your skin.

I love the childhood friends to lovers aspect of their relationship. I love how they have shared memories and histories, how everything they are is tied around them both, how they know almost everything about each other. I love how they're codependent and reliant on one another and always looking for the other right beside them. how mal knows alina's favorite flower and recognizes the stag from her drawings. how they get so excited to see each other again after such a long time apart. I love how intertwined their lives are, how they can finish each other's sentences and know intimately how to comfort each other or how to make each other laugh.

Darklina

I really like the potential of darklina, especially when it comes to alina's growth. I like the many directions their relationship could have gone and the many directions alina's character could have developed with the darkling. I've always valued alina's arc of self actualization, of coming into herself and finding herself, of accepting herself for who she is. with the darkling, she is able to come to love parts of herself she was never able to love before, parts of herself that have always seen her ostracized from her peers. the darkling acting as a foil to alina that is crucial to her development will always be something I love about their relationship. and one of the potential stories for them in that regard is for alina to take back her power and forge a new relationship with the darkling on equal ground, which is one of the character dynamics I value most in storytelling.

I love the way the darkling and alina are always reaching for each other. they do this in a different way from malina - a way that is always trying to fill up empty, lonely spaces in an aching, incomprehensible void. I love how they are constantly opening themselves up to each other because of this, then closing off from the other when it gets too much, always grasping at each other and pulling away in equal measures. how without each other there will always be an aching loneliness within them and a lack of understanding on a fundamental level from those around them. how to describe who she is to mal would be like describing color to a blind person, but with the darkling she never has to, because he instinctively understands those parts of her and accepts them. but they are such polarized people that the understanding is almost too much on it's own. they are too much.

I really like the dynamic of the darkling being an older immortal and alina being a younger one. I find alina's complete and utter incapability of understanding how immortality works fascinating. because everything the darkling tells her she knows is true, she can feel that it's true, but she cannot comprehend it, and so she denies it to herself and to him. alina around the darkling is in a constant state of denial, because to accept what he says is to realize the true horrors of not only the world, but also eternal life. and I just find that particular dynamic between them interesting, because it is such a good look into the internal logic of the characters, and the disparity between them when it comes to true experience and to the extent of not only their trauma, but their understanding of the universe, of people, and of time.

three things I like about this ship (x) - I already answered the darklina one here

[mons-immortalium-if]

Hiiiii! Could you explain the bond more? and why mc doesn't have a choice? I'm very into it.

Well, the reason MC can’t reject the bond is just that I have decided it so 🤣technically, it would be possible, and if I’m being honest it’s not 100% off the table yet… but since I want to write a romance, it would be really tedious for me to write a MC that wants nothing to do with the damn bond. Though, I think I mentioned somewhere before, I really really love the idea of rejecting the bond and choosing a different RO. I also don’t want it to turn into any kind of love triangle, cause I just absolutely despise those :))) I’ll see how some things play out in the future chapters, the bond will not be happening till around halfway through the story anyway.

As for the bond itself, I imagine it just as a deeper connection between two people. People who “fate”, or just the magic that runs wild through the world, decided they are a perfect match. It happens out of the blue, and can be with pure strangers or people you've known all your life - with the idea that you can meet the right person at the wrong time and the bond will not happen, but it will just wait for the right time. Though honestly it’s a double-edge sword. On one hand, both parties get a boost in power and get more in tune with their magic and the world. They can both feel each other’s emotions, the love pouring out of them, the support, pride and admiration. It brings with it a feeling of belonging, of always having someone in your corner, someone you can rely on. And someone you can always find, gently pulled towards them whenever you need them. On the other hand, the boost in power comes with a shared lifespan. Humans would become technically immortal, since fae never really die, but if one does die, the other shortly follows. It’s not something sudden or written in stone, more like a slow withering away, overcome by an oppressive feeling of loneliness. The same would happen if MC somehow left the dome after the bond snapped and never came back, since the connection would be once fainter with the distance, and then again from the actual magic of the dome and being on an entirely different realm. They would feel the MC no more and not know what happened to them, if they died or were fighting to get back to them. Or worse, if they hated them for something and there was nothing they could do about it. On the same bad side of things, feelings are hard things to control, even more so when the other person has a front seat view to every impulse and in-the-moment reaction one may have. Things like jealousy and guilt would be hard to mask on the spot, even if they logically know they are being irrational. No more days of feeling sad and not telling anyone, needing a moment alone, because someone will always know! And they will always know where you are. None of these are, in hindsight, bad things. But the people involved need to be comfortable enough around each other, set clear boundaries and respect those, and be able to ✨communicate✨ properly. The bond could simultaneously bring the greatest, most fulfilling love one will ever feel... or a perfect storm of a romance filled with doubt and resentment, fueled by spiraling raw emotions none really mean. Sometimes rejecting the bond is just a safer option, especially if done early and if the bond itself snapped when the pair didn't quite know each other that well. There might be some lingering feelings of loneliness from time to time, but nothing too dramatic would happen (like you know, slow death).

[yea-baiyi]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

hi it’s been a while! i love getting asks from you because it lets me ramble about my favourite things, it makes me so happy so thank you!!! i hope you know how much joy you bring <3

(i’m sorry i haven’t replied to your last top 10 ask, i started the list and it got so humiliating that i’m unable to look at it again.)

anyway “top 10 media” is a broad question, so i have picked the top 10 media i love to ramble about. the kind where i could talk for hours about each one. are these objectively my favourites? maybe not. are they even good? only like half of them. but they certainly are top. enjoy!!

top 10 media of all time (not ranked):

1. tgcf (novel)

its still too early to say if this is a permanent top 10, but it has consumed my life for the better part of a year so it gets on this list. i have difficulty describing tgcf, it’s not particularly an excellent novel by many metrics, but it gives me endless satisfaction — the breadth of the story, spanning hundreds of years and a broad range of plotlines, plus the incredible depth of each moment, with sensitivity and humanity behind every hilarious-ridiculous-bombastic moment. i keep finding new things with every new chapter i annotate, even on my 4th/5th read. it’s rare that a piece of media gives me so much to think about, i’m just trying to savour the enjoyment for as long as it lasts.

2. the untamed/陈情令 (tv show)

oh man what can i say about the untamed. what can i NOT say about the untamed. the show i resisted for two years before finally being pushed into it. and i have been hurtling down the danmei rabbit hole ever since. for all that it was my intro to danmei and into the modern cdrama fandom, it really is SO MUCH just on its own. i daresay no tv show will ever be able to deliver such pure insanity juice straight to my brain ever again. deserves its spot. show of all time.

3. fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (anime + manga)

i was a weeb for YEARS. consumed hundreds if not thousands of episodes of anime and manga. and this is the only one that stuck. obviously a masterpiece of storytelling. i revisit this constantly. i love stories that can be grim but still hopeful and endlessly sincere. also if you can’t tell i’m a huge sucker for stories where the side characters clearly have their own histories and relationships outside of what we get to see, and fmab has that for ages.

4. the legend of korra (tv show)

i cannot in good conscience say that i like this show. if you asked for my opinion, i would complain in your ear for an hour straight, minimum. (i have done this. multiple times. don’t ask me about the legend of korra.) and yet it is the piece of media i think about the most, that i have dedicated the most of my writing to, that i rewatch most often. lok aired when i was 13-17 and i grew up with it on tumblr. the people i followed and the things they talked about shaped how i interact with fandom today. maybe one day i will be able to move on, but this one has a sure spot in my top 10.

5. sense8 (tv show)

this one i can wholeheartedly recommend to any queer person trying to grow up in the world. yes, the orgies are gratuitous, the first season has some 2014 cliches, and overall who cares about the plot. but it’s such an unabashed expression of queer joy and unconditional love. there’s something so comforting in the idea that other people will volunteer to share your pain, your happiness, and your loneliness. that everyone in the world is connected by their ability to feel, to laugh, to scream, to cry, to love— you are only as alone as you let yourself be. this show carried me through so many dark times and helped me to keep believing in people. maybe i’ve outgrown my need for this show now, but i will always love sense8.

6. my ajusshi/my mister (kdrama)

is it one of the best kdramas ever made? yes. am i also incredibly biased because it’s IU? also yes. i strongly recommend it if you have the patience. this drama is slow and melancholy and washed out, its characters are weary and cynical and not always kind to each other. but that is precisely the point, because the drama dusts off their dull, exhausted lives and finds within them something worth living for. sometimes it’s enough to know that you have the power to make someone else’s life better. you might have lost the love of your life, but you have a spare mattress in your bedroom for a scared, lonely girl to sleep on. you might have lost your marriage, but you have enough money to pay for an old woman’s funeral. your career might be going nowhere, but you can be the cheerleader and inspiration for a silly woman that loves you. you might be a gang of sad, broke, middle-aged failures, but you can all walk a young woman home together and make her night a little less dark. my ajusshi is not an easy drama to watch, but similar to sense8, it’s one that gives me hope.

7. the k2 (kdrama)

firmly convinced that tumblr is sleeping on this drama. it is so absolutely batshit feral unhinged. let women be a mess!!! let women be so wrong!!! let women scheme and threaten and fight and manipulate, while the man looks on with protective anxiety and/or dead-eyed absolute competency. let a woman run barefoot through the streets of spain in a nightgown, tears streaming down her face. let a woman past her prime be psychosexually obsessed with her stepdaughter’s bodyguard whom she is locked in a blackmail revenge plot with. let him lead her at gunpoint into a car so he can escape the standoff, only for it to become a car chase with her enemies, and for him to flip the vehicle over. let him walk back into the burning car to carry her out.

8. man of steel (movie)

not gonna lie haven’t rewatched those one in a while! but officially my #1 favourite movie if anyone asks. i have moved on from capeshit but this movie still has everything i love: a world that breathes, people that live in it, and a clear message of hope despite how bleak things might seem.

9. rogue one (movie)

i mean. i mean. it says something that i was working on my (planned out, the story exists fully formed in my head) tgcf rogue one au when i opened up my writing notes and found that at some point last year i had written an entire mdzs rogue one au. brilliant. unparalleled. so blessed that this movie got to exist in between the endless cash grabs that are the other movies. as a star wars fan since age 13, i can say with full assurance this is the only star war that matters actually.

10. the infernal devices (novel series)

not sure if i’ve mentioned this series on this blog before, but to this day it’s one of my favourite YA series. yes it is your standard cliche fantasy series but it has will herondale, the best payoff to the typical angsty brooding male lead to ever exist. writers try to justify brooding characters like “they have valid reasons to be that way, deep down they’re really loving blah blah” but this series takes that and delivers. because the moment will is free from the legitimate reason he was acting that way, he is bursting at the seams to show his love. he runs to the girl he loves and tells her he loves her. he tells the woman who raised him that she’s awesome. he spends the rest of his life so, so incandescently happy, simply because he gets to love the people he loves. also the ending of the second book is possibly one of the wildest cliffhangers for a love triangle ever. i clearly love to have an Experience while consuming a piece of media.

(if you’ve read til here, thank you for reading and letting me ramble some of the words that go through my brain endlessly. if you’ve ever consumed and enjoyed any of the things i’ve mentioned, please feel absolutely welcome to message or dm me, i am dead serious about being able to talk about these for hours. in fact i would love to. please)

[ag-eh-dac]

Dtblr Secret Playlist Exchange

Playlist here

Okay, so, finding a theme was hard, so in the end I decided to share a playlist full of songs that has a lyric or a concept that resonates and/or got permantaly stuck in my brain. It’s sounds cheesy, but I hope that giving you, @tooshisms , this playlist will feel more like a gift this way, rather than just a list of songs I happen to like.

However, obviously, all of the thought process for a theme like this isn’t obvious to a person that isn’t hooked up to my head, so under the cut I have explained my choices, so that hopefully, you understand where my enjoyment for each of these songs come from, and also maybe have them rattle around in your brain!

(Also, I know when the word resonate is brought up, or when talking about lyrics in general, it tends to bring the feeling of “yeah, these lyrics are like, so deep man”, and yeah obviously some on this list have that feeling, the majority of these are a little more fun than that, at least I hope)

[These are in alphabetical order, I personally think this playlist works best shuffled]

1. “Arson” - j-hope [of BTS]: the concept of this song is what put it on the list, which is encompassed in the lines “내 스스로가 과열이 될 수밖에 없던 /  뭣도 모른 무식한 내 야망의 원동력 “ - “What gave me no other option but to overheat inside /  was the motivation fueled by my blind ambition“. I am a sucker for referring to dreams and passion as a something that is wild and untameable like fire, so an entire song about burning yourself and everything around you in your pursuit of achieving your dreams makes my brain purr. there are a couple of other lines I could wax poetic about as well, but the summary for all of it is that, frankly, fire metaphors make me very happy. anyway, this is a link to properly translated lyrics, if you want it.

2. “emails I didn’t send” - Sabrina Carpenter: so something that I really like in a song, is a “story song” i.e. a song that has little to no repetition, but manages to still have a singy-songy quality to it. also, love a song that is someone’s, like a song that belongs to one person, and no one else can really do it justice, which I think this song is a line that encompasses what I like the most about this song is “And if I do then I blame you for every worst that I assume” it’s not necessarily clever in a word play sense or a metaphor sense, but it is a very good example of the specific choices in words to make this song read like an actual story.

3. “The Jester” - Badflower: “The dinner table’s full and there’s no room for me to sit” I love this song for the same “story-song” reasons as number 2, and the idea of a jester in a court being the representation for loneliness is also something I love, given that usually we (obviously) view the jester as just the entertainment, kind of how musicians can be viewed nowadays. anyway, I’m not sure if I would call the entire song “lyrically deep”, but I do love myself a good metaphor, I can’t lie.

4. “Kiss Me” - Sixpence None The Richer: okay, idk if i can accurately explain why this one is on this list, but like, when I was trying to think of more songs I kept coming back to the content feeling that the line “So, kiss me” gives me. and I think it’s entirely because of the word ‘so’ being used, because it makes it seem like an obvious answer, that this relationship is so comfortable that the answer to all problems is a simple kiss, which is almost fairytale-esque. anyway I think that’s a really romantic sentiment so even though the song isn’t necessarily focused on the lyrics, it evokes a strong enough feeling in me to be on this list, even if that emotion is just warm contentment.

5. “Let Me Down Slowly” - Alec Benjamin: “Could you find a way to let me down slowly?” is honestly such a heart-breaking line. like, the feeling of I know you don’t owe me anything, but can you please, please be kind when you kill me. I don’t really know what else to say about it tbh, and I know it’s not a unique concept or anything, but it gives me such a visceral image of the actual numbness most break-ups have, no anger or real sadness, just desperate numbness.

6. “Little Wonder” - Architects, Mike Kerr: there’s a lot of lines I could pick in this one, because it’s full of “one-liners” or like, “flipped-phrases”, but I love, love, love the line “If we miss the deadline, we can always blame the divine”. idk exactly why (which seems to be a re-occurring theme here lmao) but this line rattled around in my head for ages after I first heard it. I think I like that’s a line that should be one filled with despair at not being able to complete your important task, but instead, before we even know the outcome we’re already blaming someone else casually. and you get to decide why, are we blasé because we know the outcome and we are resigned to our fate, or are we so confident that we will succeed that the only way for us to fail is “divine” intervention? I kind of like the second option better tbh.

7. ”Lost” - Dermot Kennedy: ok, so unlike the last one, I actually immediately knew exactly which line I was going to pick from this one before I’d even re-listened to it. “My sense of wonder is just a little tired”. I adore this line so much because it is so reassuring to me as someone who has always been scared that as I grow older I’m losing my sense of wonder and awe for the world around me. so the idea that my feelings of wonder are just a little bit tired and just needs a wee rest is so comforting. like, that one day they’ll be well rested enough for me to be able to look at the world and feel the same way I did when I was 7. the song itself is about having your resilience being powered by the love from the people around you and returning that love, and I think wonder as a concept fits really well in that.

8. “MANTRA” - Bring Me The Horizon: okay, so this song is obviously a bit more overtly political than others on this list, but i fucking adore the line “Before the truth will set you free, it’ll piss you off”. the simplicity in the delivery of one of the hardest facts you have to acknowledge when you get older and start learning how the world actually works is pretty smart. it also harkens back to an old quote (that i have no idea who the source is) of “If you’re not angry then you’re not paying attention” which has unironically become a bit of a mantra for me (ha!). also the use of a robotic voice saying the word “mantra” in the chorus is so fucking smart, both because it sounds cool, but also because this choice in and of itself conveys the point of the song. i really love when a song uses .... outside sources (i guess that’s the word i’m choosing here) to help its message rather than just exposition dumping.

9. “The Only Exception” - Paramore: genuinely, i think the concept of “You are the only exception” is one of the single most romantic things you can say or feel about someone (and i will not be taking criticism on this opinion). the idea that one person can make you feel so happy/content that you are a soft person around them is so sweet. the song just make me feel warm, ya know?

10. “Raging on a Sunday” - Bohnes: i remember looping this song for hours when i first heard it, and it was entirely because of the phrase “I should be at church but I’m raging on a Sunday”. bro, i don’t even really know what this means, i’m only like half sure what this song is about, but i catch myself mumbling the chorus to myself every couple of weeks and if that isn’t the definition of stuck in my head than i don’t know what is tbh. i literally have no other notes, the like is just fun.

11. “Respect” - BTS: the whole concept of this song is so cool, and kind of encompasses why i love hearing other people talk about languages. this song is entirely based around the fact that the word respect doesn’t make sense to the two rappers (RM and SUGA), because the direct translation into Korean means something different. the rest of the song is about people using the word respect “wrong” in their opinion (if you’ve seen parasite this will make more sense), that people don’t give enough respect to the word respect. as for my favourite line, it has to be “ Re-spect 말 그대로 보고 자꾸 보는 거 /  자꾸 보다보면은 단점이 보여 /  But 그럼에도 자꾸 보고 싶단 건 /  필요하지 그 누구를 향한 완벽한 신념 “ “ Re-spect, like the word itself, it’s to look and look again /  When you keep looking at someone, you’re bound to see their flaws /  But, the fact that you nonetheless want to keep looking / requires absolute faith in that someone”. it’s such a cool interpretation of the word itself, and even though it’s kind of “stoner logic” it’s still awesome to think about. anyway, this is a link to the properly translated lyrics if you want it.

12. “Science & Faith” - The Script: this is another one that i  like because of the romanticism of the lyrics, even though this song is about trying and failing to explain love with science. “You won’t find faith or hope down a telescope / You won’t find heart and soul in the stars / You can break everything down to chemicals / But you can’t explain a love like ours” is such a banger concept. i remember hearing this song in the car on the radio when i was a child and being fascinated, because i was very much the kid who constantly asked “But, why?” to everything, and like this was kind of the first time when it came to talking about feelings that i didn’t feel the need to question it, because it was kind of a nice feeling the thought that there’s no reason for love, you just do it because you want to.

13. “Still Life” - RM [of BTS] ft. Anderson .Paak: okay this is the song that inspired this theme, because i watched a “making of the album” video about the album this song is on, and again (like “Respect”), the concept for this song shows how fucking cool learning other languages is. “Still Life” is the phrase we use for art that is of objects, like flowers or fruit. because RM is not a native English speaker, when he first read this phrase, his first thought was “oh art that keeps an object still alive, still full of life after death”, which is such a good way to think about art, that even though the flowers in this picture are long dead and so is the artist, the flowers are still alive in the canvas because of the care the artist put into it, and so the artist themself is alive too. it’s kind of similar to the concept of “Coco” or the ancient Egyptian belief that once you were forgotten you ceased to exist in the afterlife. i could go on and on about how i felt when i first heard the idea behind this song, but this is already a very long post, so ill just leave with the lines “ 멈추지 않는 정물 /  또 피워 나의 꽃을” “  A still object that keeps on moving /  I keep on blooming my flower “. this is a link to the properly translated lyrics if you want it.

14. “This Hell” - Rina Sawayama: this is such a fun song in general, and “Got my invitation to eternal damnation” is so fucking funny. yeah, i dont really know how to properly express my love for this song, but it’s such a cool expression of community in strife, that it doesn’t matter that we’re apparently going to hell for being ourselves, because we’re going to hell together, and i think that’s really sweet.

15. “Unconditional” - Picture This: okay, last one finally, because this is genuinely longer than some essays ive written, sorry. right, this is again another romantic idea, but it’s the concept that unconditional isn’t just the adjective you use in front of love, but it’s also an emotion in its own right that gets me fucked up. i also love referring to the love between them as “This magic”, not a magic thing, just straight up a magic. so fucking cool. finally i love the line “Baby I wish we could take this feeling / And put it away somewhere safe till we need it” just so sweet. you can tell i’m at the end of this because my praises have become very repetitive, but they are still praises nonetheless, the song is sweet.

okay, that’s the end, I hope you enjoyed the playlist, and also that this didn’t bore the shit out of you! <33 

[leomonwell]

Multiracial Identity: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Here’s an excerpt from Leo’s incredibly insightful conversation with Juanita. She talks about her challenges as a multiracial individual, and how she overcame them.

Watch the short or continue reading below:

I am Black, White, and Puerto Rican - Juanita

This blend of identities defines who I am, but embracing it has been a complex journey. Growing up, I was raised to see the world from a single perspective, which often felt restrictive. Deep down, I knew there was more to me, and this realization has profoundly impacted my mental health.

Navigating Multiple Identities

Being taught to express only one side of myself was incredibly challenging. Imagine waking up each day knowing you're suppressing significant parts of who you are. It took me years to understand and embrace the different facets of my identity. This internal conflict has affected my mental health both negatively and positively.

"Do you feel like having those different identities has impacted your mental health negatively?"

Yes, in both negative and positive ways. Initially, it was a struggle. I felt fragmented and unsure of where I truly belonged. But as I began to peel back the layers of my personality, I found strength and growth. Embracing my full self was a painful process, but it was also incredibly liberating.

Seeking Guidance

"Did you ever have to seek guidance from a professional or a friend or family member to bring out truly who you were?"

Yes, seeking guidance was essential. As a child, I turned to school counselors because I didn't feel comfortable discussing my identity struggles with my family. They couldn't fully understand the internal conflict I was experiencing. Speaking with someone who could see and support my true self was crucial during those formative years.

The Loneliness of Self-Discovery

"When was the first age you realized you were feeling lonely?"

I started feeling lonely around my pre-teen years, probably between 12 and 14. It was a time when I felt utterly lost. The loneliness stemmed from not fitting in and feeling like I had to hide significant parts of who I was. This isolation marked the beginning of my journey toward self-discovery.

"How long do you think you really felt lost for?"

I felt lost until I started having my own children. The responsibility of raising them made me confront my identity head-on. I wanted my children to grow up knowing and loving all parts of themselves, so I had to model that behavior. Through this process, I found a sense of wholeness that I had been missing for so long.

The Path Forward

My journey of self-discovery has taught me the importance of embracing all parts of myself. Being Black, White, and Puerto Rican is not a burden but a beautiful tapestry of experiences and cultures. It has made me stronger, more empathetic, and more understanding of others' struggles with identity.

To anyone who feels lost or fragmented, know that you're not alone. It's okay to seek help and talk to someone who can support you. Embrace your journey, no matter how challenging it may be. Each step brings you closer to understanding and loving who you truly are.

Full version of the podcast with Juanita:

For more on navigating complex identities and mental health, check out my podcast with Juanita. We dive deep into these topics and share stories that resonate with anyone on their own journey of self-discovery. Check it out on all major platforms: https://linktr.ee/leomonwell

[luveline]

you know, I'm coming right back [Fred Weasley x Reader]

summary: you're a lonely artist and Fred is your adoring model

word count: 2.4k

tags: reader insert, lonely reader, artist reader, seventh year, kids in love, first kiss, getting together, pining, fluff, friends-to-lovers

It was easy for you, usually, to act fine. To feel fine. Any loneliness that clouded your life was pushed firmly into the depths of your thoughts. You tried to focus on the things that mattered, essays and charms and your art.

You loved to draw. You had sketchbooks filled to the brim with sketches, some half finished, others coloured and lined. You drew everything, though you struggled to bring anything from your memory. Everything you drew had to be done right there, right then, with unsuspecting models. You sketched students eating their dinner, scribbled side profiles when you managed a spare minute in class. But you're most impressive artwork was done in the library, where nothing moved. Everyone was silent. You had pages and pages of bored, tired looking students. When exams approached, you hurriedly copied down the expressions of people on the edge of depression and panic.

You had friends, ish. You knew people. You'd had intense friendships that somehow always ended in awkward drifting aparts. Well, you thought. There must be something wrong with me. They liked me before they didn't, so the fault must've been mine.

You huffed out a sigh, pressing your face deep into the textured page of your sketch book, breathing in the smell of charcoal. You were sketching the illusive Fred Weasley, who you'd never truly drawn before. Maybe you had scraps from your second or third year when you'd still attempted to draw moving objects before getting comfortable and accepting that still life was your forte.

He was maddeningly good lucking when his eyebrows puckered in concentration. He seemed to actually be studying for once, sat at a table with his brother, George, and housemates Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet.

You were sat by yourself, and couldn't help listening to his lilting voice as he bantered with his friends. They were talking about Umbridge (the current victim of the Hogwarts' student body hate train), and quidditch, and their recent ban from quidditch. You'd never played.

"Watch out, dolly fell asleep," said one of the girls.

You bit your lip. You'd been nicknamed dolly by the girls in your dorm because of your porcelain doll you'd had since childhood. Even though this year was your last, you still hadn't felt the need to hide her away. She made you feel much less anxious and alone.

The whole school knew, naturally.

"Don't get any funny ideas," said Angelina,  to the twins.

"Come on Angie, you think so little of us?" said George.

"Yesterday I watched you trick a group of forth years into taking puking pastilles." Angelina said.

"It was hardly a trick. We told them they were multi-faceted," said George.

You could hear your heartbeat if you focused. It was in your ears. It bump, bump, bumped.

Bump bump. You flinched, a hand settled on your shoulder quickly moved.

"Wake up, dolly. Library's closing."

You squinted up into Fred's face, head halo'd by candlelight. Lifting your head from the wooden table, you stretched your neck to the left. It clicked.

"Uh..."

"Hmm?" You prompted him, smoothing your hair behind your ears.

"You have - dirt. On your face. Here-" He said, reaching forward. You closed your eyes as he gently wiped the skin above your eyebrow.

"It's charcoal."

"What?"

"It's not dirt," you said, peaking at him through your eyelashes. "It's charcoal."

He looked mildly surprised. You shifted, hoping to cover your sketch before he caught sight of it.

It didn't matter.

"It's me. My gorgeous dolly, you've created quite the masterpiece right there, haven't you? I look vexingly handsome, of course. Thought if that's a consequence of your skill or my handsomeness is anyones guess."

You were lost for words. "Uh, quite."

"Yes, yes, quite. Say, could I keep it?"

"... You want the drawing?"

"I'd love it, if that's okay."

"I," you quickly dug your thumbnail into the paper, tearing carefully at the centre. The paper came away a little ragged and smudged. "Of course. It's yours."

He handled it with care.

The librarian jingled her little bell again.

"Thank you. So, see you?"

"Yep," you agreed.

He nodded his head and bowed out with his friends. You tried not to feel paranoid at their laughter.

-

You were curled up in a hidden alcove, though it was hardly hidden. Most students knew where to seek privacy in the castle. You just so happened to get there first that evening.

You were trying to sketch Fred again. It felt weird to be missing a page from your book, and weirder still that you couldn't remember his face when he wasn't right in front of you. You tried, but it kept going wrong.

When you finally managed one you liked well enough, you had accidentally ruined it with a heavy hand and the wrong shade of brown.

He looked much too brunette.

You carefully rolled your coloured pencils back up, securing the leather ties tightly so as to keep every pencil confined.

Sighing morosely, you flipped to a new page. Things got so complicated sometimes, it made you agitated. You doodled a little sad face in the corner of your page. When the one thing that you enjoyed in life started to go wrong, it set off your whole mood.

Your birthday was coming up. It had been on your mind a lot lately. You'd spend it alone. That's what you figured. Nobody would know it was your birthday, or if they did, you weren't friends now, so...

You began with an arching circle, bisecting the lines appropriately. Feeling out the familiar lines of your own face came easy, the slight upper tilt of your brows, your hair and your pursed mouth. You always looked sad in the mirror, and it showed, dotted here and there when the only thing to draw was your own face.

The rudimentary outline of a birthday cake took form. The candles were unlit.

In a fit of unhappiness, you scratched out your mouth. It was never smiling.

"What did that piece of paper ever do to you?" said a voice.

You jumped. Fred was peering down at you curiously, wringing his hands. You put your pencil between the soft cover and smashed it flat, closed.

"Hi, dolly."

"Weasley."

"Oh, not even a first name?"

"You neglected mine first," you reasoned, rolling the words. He smiled at your joking tone.

"How rude of me. Hi, Y/N," he corrected himself.

"Hi, Weasley."

He smirked.

"Anymore of me in that blessed vessel?"

"Nah. You never stand still."

"If I pose for it?" He asked. You patted the ground in front of you.

He was a lovely model. He stayed infinitely still, more still than you imagined possible for him. He sat at a 3/4ths angle, chin up but not too far, mouth tilted and eyes open.

His eyes were the one thing he couldn't keep still. You tried not to flame in the cheeks everything you'd catch his gaze on you.

You sketched fast, choosing to hatch rather than render, big swooping lines to give the illusion of a depth that wasn't really there. You would've loved to do a full render, maybe even a colour portrait, but he was beginning to look a little antsy.

You set the book on the floor to face him and pushed it into his eyesight softlt. He turned. He looked nice like that, face bent, hair falling into his eyes.

After a moment, he began scrounging through his robe pockets. He set down a box, a lighter, a pair of gloves.

Finally, he set a galleon onto the floor close to your crossed legs.

"For you," he said, smiling at your inquisitive look. "For the drawing."

"Oh, I can't accept that. And I'd like to keep this one, if it's alright."

Fred thought for a moment. "Alright, you keep it. And the galleon, too, for the one you gave me the other day."

You bit back a smile. "I can't take your money, Fred."

"I can't keep having you draw me for free. It's as valuable a service as anything else. Plus, I'm not sure if you know, but I run a lucrative business these days."

You picked up the coin, rubbing your thumb against the engravings thoughtfully. "It's hardly a service."

"A talent, then. A skill. You're very good."

You're neck almost snapped as you looked into his face, wanting to assess his expression for genuineness. He looked earnest, and kind. You blinked away the gathering heat behind your eyes.

"Thank you."

He waved a hand at you. "Think nothing of it."

"Really-" you cleared your throat, "-you're doing me a favour. I'm not good at drawing things that move."

"I'm sure you're better than you think," he said.

You shook your head, smiling smiling smiling.

"What's in the box?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Fred weighed the box in his hands. It was soft at the corners, like a simple jewelry box that you had in your trunk. He offered it to you. You opened it carefully, the lid sliding free with a shhhhh sound. Inside was an evil looking fruit pastille, a match stick and a dried up flower petal.

It felt like a very private thing to see, suddenly. Such an eclectic collection of items couldn't be random.

"The first puking pastille George and I made. Or rather, the second - the first was forcibly fed to Lee Jordan in our third year. The match stick is from my Uncle's matchbox. I never met him. And the flower was from Ginny, when she was 9." He sounded nervous.

"It's a memory box."

"I- yes. It is. Things are sometimes so miserable now, with Umbridge and you-know-who. Scary, even. I look at them when I feel like it won't ever end."

You took them in for a little while longer and then placed the lid onto the box with nimble fingers. You scratched the lid with a fingernail.

"It's nice. You're right. Things are so awful right now, it's good to have reminders of why we keep going."

"Exaclty. Dolly, can I interest you in a fruit pastille?"

"Not on your life."

"They're perfectly edible!"

"Sure, Fred."

-

The honest conversation you'd shared with Fred was a catalyst between you. He often came to find you, each time whining and nagging you to just sit in the library like most people do.

"What, so your housemates can throw paper balls at me?"

"They thought you were sleeping!"

A likely story, you thought. He sometimes asked you to draw him, posing with the elegance of a natural born model. It was great for you personally, you felt that you were really getting a feel for his face. Eventually, you were able to draw his face from memory, the details of his nose coming to your fingers as easily as a first year spell.

It became about capturing emotion. You could capture his likeness now without a second thought, but his emotions were much more complicated. How would you show his veiled frustration the day Umbridge kicked him off the quidditch team? Through the clenching of his jaw? The shy veins in his forehead? How did you showcase the fear when he'd come back to Hogwarts after Christmas break, through his eyes, downturned and squinting just a little?

Today, it was poorly hidden elation. "How come you're so happy?" You asked, pencil between your teeth. He grinned. You measured his face with your thumb in the air, forming an L.

"Is it a prank?"

"You're thinking too small."

"A new product?"

"Still need to go bigger!"

"Hmmm," you hummed. Measure twice, cut once. Or in your case, sketch once.

"George and I, we're gonna open a shop."

"A section at Zonko's isn't enough for you?" You asked, casually, though you were very very happy for him.

"It's going to be amazing. We're going to run it, just the two of us, and you won't catch me in these scrappy long sleeves anymore. The next time you see me, I'll be in a full suit and tie."

"The next time? Is that not tomorrow?"

Fred closed his mouth, realising his mistake. He had revealed something he hadn't intended to. "We're leaving," he confessed. "We were going to wait for our NEWTs but... Well, we won't need them. This is going to work."

"So. You're leaving today?" You asked, crestfallen.

"Hey," Fred said, rubbing a placating hand over the curve of your shoulder. "Tomorrow. During the DADA OWL. We have a plan."

"This is goodbye?"

"No! No. Not if you don't want it to be. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, and maybe now isn't the best time, I had this whole letter planned and I didn't want to distract you from your exams and-"

"What do you want to ask me?"

Fred straightened. "I wanted to ask - will you go out with me? Not, you don't have to be my girlfriend if it's too soon, I'd love to take you for food someplace, I was going to ask you to Hogsmeade, but when the shop officially became ours, the plans changed so fast and I didn't know if you'd still want-" you cut off his rambling.

"I'll be your girlfriend," you said.

"You will?"

"Sure, if you'll be my boyfriend," you murmured.

Fred moved the arm that had been on your shoulder to the nape of your neck. "That's a dealbreaker," he said, leaning in.

He kissed you chastely on the lips first and then pulled back to look into your face. You chased him, a moment of bravery, and opened your mouth to taste him. He was sweet, like sugar. Your sketch pad crinkled beneath you both as he pressed forward. Your chests touched, heaving.

"You're not gonna be my boyfriend?" You asked against his mouth, breathing hard.

"I'm gonna be much more than that, dolly," he said heatedly.

Your mouth was tingling. "Kiss me again?"

You gasped at the force of him, laughing. He laughed too against your lips, and the sound tickled. He gave you a multitude of short and sweet kisses before pulling away again.

He wiped the wetness from your lip with his pinky finger. "Godric, you're cute. Look how flushed you are! You're insane."

Something churned in your stomach. The butterflies had acquired a trampoline. You felt happier than you had in a very long time. "You're not half-bad yourself, Weasley."

[blogevaawrites]

Keeping to the schedule.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, marriage, divorce, smut

Summary: After seven years of being married, two daughters and a difficult divorce, they try to understand what went wrong and why they let that happen. 

Part I

“I’m so sorry to do this but we’re having problems with a few scenes. I won’t be at home until next week.” He said from the other side of the line. Since the divorce we have been being very strict with the custody agreement of our children.

“So, will you come to pick them up the next Friday?” I asked.

“Yes, I will be there. And again, I’m really sorry, I tried to do everything in my hands” I knew that he doesn’t like to change anything about the kids, he says we should try to give them as much stability as we can. I couldn’t agree more.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” I simply said.

We got married seven years ago, we had a happy marriage, but loneliness and exhaustion made me give up on our marriage. He started to spend more time away, accepting more projects in L.A or any part of the world but home. I guess home wasn’t what it used to be for him and for me because eventually I stopped complaining about his absence.

“I need to talk to you.” I said when I saw him getting out of the shower. I closed the door of the bathroom and l leaned on the sink. “About what? I’m kind of tired, can we leave it for tomorrow?” He said, drying himself with a towel. I was sick of it; I was being left to a side for so long that I didn’t hold it on.  “Not really.” He looked at me then, normally I don’t insist. “I filed for divorce.” His face went from confusion to anger quickly.

We fought, he got really mad. I knew I should have talk to him before doing it, but he was never around, I was mad and sad, I wasn’t thinking properly. He didn’t talk to me for four months after that night, he moved to his mother’s house and did everything in his hands to accelerate the process. I know I didn’t deal very well with all of that and either he did. Our relationship since then got even more complicate.

Our obsession with our kids’ stability grew after that. We both knew they were going suffer the most, at least Anna. She was almost six when all of that happened, she asked a few times, but we never gave her an answer she could understand. Emma was only four, she noticed that something was wrong but was too young to assimilate it.  

“Mom, Lindsay is having a sleepover this Thursday, and we don’t have school on Friday, can I go? Her mom will call you tomorrow to ask you, can I go, please?” Anna asked, taking my attention from the road as I drove us to home.

“Sure honey” I said with my eyes on the road.

“Dad is coming on Friday, right? I will tell her mom to bring me back in the morning” she always gets excited to see him, both do it.

“It’s not necessary honey, he probably will come to pick you up after dinner. I will pick you up to get lunch together at the park, what do you think?” she nodded enthusiastic, eating her sandwich.

Thursday comes quickly and Martha, Lindsay’s mom, picked Anna up. Emma got to sleep very early after a long afternoon at the park. I went down to watch a few minutes a TV show before to go to bed. The doorbell rang, startling me, it wasn’t late, but I wasn’t expecting anybody. When I got close to the door, I recognized the silhouette of the person behind the door.

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I wrapped the film early, I’m sorry if it is too late but I knew you wouldn’t mind. You can have the entire day to yourself tomorrow, in this way.”

“It’s fine, but Anna is not here, she’s at Lindsay’s house and Emma is already sleeping.” He looked devastated and it broke my heart. He usually doesn’t spent too long without seeing them. “You can see Emma if you want to.” I offered and he accepted quickly. He got into the house and went upstairs to Emma’s room.

After a few minutes, he came down to the kitchen where I was preparing things for tomorrow. I wouldn’t say our relationship was good, o was getting better. it was confusing. “How have you been? How was everything with the kids?” he asked from the doorframe. I turned around to see him and answered, “It was fine, no incidents.” I simply said. We looked each other for a while, we haven’t talk since we had sex the last time, he came to bring the girls back. He stayed for dinner and a while after, the girls went to sleep, we started to talk about them, about our past together, about us a couple. We kissed and one thing took us to another.

“I want to talk about the last time. I don’t want you to think I…” he started; I knew it didn’t mean anything for him, it was just sex, he has been avoiding me since then but him bringing the subject up made me mad and it hurt me a little.

“I know! Don’t worry! Let’s just forget about it.” I said walking to the front door.

“No, it’s just that we were kind of drunk and got emotional.” He started to say without following me.

“It was just sex. I get it! You made it very clear when you couldn’t wait to leave.” As soon as we were done, he got up from the bed and started to dress up. He told me it was late, and he had a thing to do in the morning, but I knew he was lying. He left me, naked in the bed, the one we shared for several years.  

“I didn’t want the girls to get confused.” He got closer to the door, shaking his head, and rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

“You didn’t want me to get confused.” His eyes got bigger, and I could see the anger growing in his face.

“You couldn’t care less about what I wanted so don’t tell me what my intentions were.”

“You made them very clear.”

He looked confused, but he moved quickly. “You always so understanding. But why don’t you just listen to me? I’m trying to …” He couldn’t say anything more.

“You’re right, it’s kind of late and there isn’t a reason for you to stay.” I interrupted him, he looked mad.

He took a deep breath and kept on “I’m picking the kids tomorrow’s morning” he informed me before walking out.

“They won’t be here until late afternoon.” I said back. He looked at me without saying anything and kept on his walking. I stood at the door, looking how he got in the car. He turned on the engine, and before driving away he looked at me through the window. “Thank God we’re divorced.”

When the topic isn’t our kids, it never goes well. I guess we’re still hurt.

I didn’t fully understand why he got so angry until I saw the pictures.

After he picked the girls the next day, I did some work and later I filled a glass with wine and turned on the television to pick up a film to watch but my phone rang.

“Hey hon! How are you doing?” Lily asked, with a worried voice that I didn’t get.

“Hey! Why are you asking like that? I’m pretty fine.” I said laughing.

“Well! I don’t know, I thought you will be kind of sad o maybe angry, if my ex-husband was dating with somebody after not even a year from our divorce, I would be ready to kill him.”

“What? What are you talking about? I mean he hadn’t told me anything, I don’t think he’s dating again.” I said quite confused.

“Shit! You haven’t seen it, have you?”

Right away, I googled him with the call waiting.

Chris Evans is off market again? The former superhero and the upcoming actress Rachel Welles spotted holding hands and getting affectionate.

He was trying to talk about our night together because he was going to tell me about her. I felt my heart shrinking. I guess I should have been ready for this, he was free to be with whoever he wanted but it hurt me.

“I’m sorry, girl. It must be weird and hurtful. If you need anything you know I’m right here, right?” she asked kindly.

“I’m fine. he’s free to be with anybody but I guess I wasn’t as much ready to see it as I thought.”

“Yeah, knowing something isn’t always mean assimilating it, right?”

“Right”

After the call I refilled my glass and went to sleep with a few tears in my cheeks.

Our relationship began so natural, and it went so fast. We met through common friends, we dated just for tree moths after he asked me to move on with him. We didn’t take long to get married either, we both just knew that it was the right decision. I really loved him, and I know he loved me too. It wasn’t a fantasy, but we were grown-ups when he met, we knew what we wanted for life, in a partner and we found it in each other.

He was a great husband, a great father and a great friend. I single tear fell through my cheek, remembering the beginning of our freefall.

“There’s not a good way to say this. I’m really sorry to tell this but, Mrs. Evans you had a miscarriage.” Doctor Lars said. I felt Chris’s hand in my knee, comforting me. I felt I couldn’t breathe. My heart broke in pieces. “But I’m six months pregnant, this usually happens during the first trimester. This can’t be true.” My mouth slurred. “Well, the actual name is a late-miscarriage, there are several things that may play a part in causing it so we need to do a few tests to find a cause. I know this isn’t easy, but these things can happen, and we can’t do anything to prevent it.” I touched my barely swollen belly, missing the movements of my baby. “What are we doing now?” Chris talked, taking care of the situation. “You will need to go through labour to give birth to you baby. I know this can be a very distressing time and you may be in shock but there’s not other way.” I could hear him breathe hardly before kissing my head.

We went through our worst nightmare. I gave birth to a baby I could take care of. Thankfully, after inducing the labour, the birth came quickly. We decided not to hold the baby. We thought it will be less traumatic in that way.

He went with me through all of that, but we changed. Everything changed.

Five days later, I came into our bedroom to see him packing his suitcase.

“What are you doing? I asked softly.

“I need to go to L.A for a few interviews and shoot a few scenes” I looked at him straightly. Not quite believing he was going to leave so early after everything. “Don’t worry, I asked my mother to come to help you with everything.” he said, seeing my expression. I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want his mom here, I wanted him. I caressed his back, calling his attention.

“Don’t go, please.” I muttered. “It will be just a couple days, two weeks max.” he said holding me in his arms.

“Two weeks?” that was so fucking long.

“Listen, I can really do anything. I’m sorry but it’s work. What you want me to do?” he tried to reason with me, in vain.

“Call Meghan and ask her to reschedule it. We have an appointment with Doctor Lars next week.” I didn’t like to complain about his job or ask him to not to do it, but I couldn’t go through that alone.

“Everything will be fine, call me after the appointment and tell me what she says. I will be here as soon as I can.” I pushed him away with my eyes watering.

“Okay” for the first time in our life together he was putting his family in a second place.

The worst thing it was that trip didn’t last 2 weeks, but 3 months. He told me that his next project was being moved forward, and nothing else. He left me alone in the worst moment of my life and I couldn’t forget it.  

After a few more glasses of wine, I took me phone and I called him.

“Hello” he said with a surprised voice. “What’s going on?”

“What was what you wanted to tell me last time? Hey, I know we just fuck but I’m actually in a relationship with some else and you must forget about it.” I slurred, mimicking him.

“You know it.” He said, I could hear him moving to another place. I guess he left the house.

“Of course, I do. Do you think I live under a rock?” I wasn’t jealous I was mad at him, at myself.

“Okay I get it you’re mad, but I wanted to talk…”

“What for? To say sorry for fucking me or to ask me to keep back of your new love.”

“No, it’s not like…”

“Why did you leave me? Why wasn’t I your priority anymore? I asked, removing the tears away from my face. My voice broke a few times, I was unable to keep myself still.

“Where are you? Are you drunk?” he asked hurriedly.

“It wasn’t my blame; I couldn’t have known it.” I kept talking.

“What are you talking about?” his voice was full of curiosity and confusion.

“We didn’t name him, he died without a name.” my face was completely wet, my arms were crossed around my stomach and my heart… I couldn’t feel my heart.

“Are you at home? Pease tell me where you are.” He asked desperately.

“Yes, I’m here.” I muttered before hanging up.

A few minutes later I heard the door opening, and his footsteps. I was in completely darkness, no TV, no lights, nothing but somehow, he knew exactly where I was.

“Hey! What’s going on? What happened?” he asked softly, sitting next to me in the half-furnished nursery.

“Why did you leave me?”

“Well, when you wife files for divorce, it’s actually kind of what you have do” he said with a sad smile in his face.

“You left me way before that.” I said quickly, he left me when we lost our baby. “We never talked about him.”

“I don’t think you are in an appropriate state to talk about him.” He said without looking at me.

“I’m fine. Don’t make excuses! You just don’t want to talk about him with me.”

“I don’t want to talk about him with nobody.”

“I’m not nobody.”

“Why is this so important now? It’s been a year since then, we are not together anymore...” he started to get up from the floor.

“You’re dating again…” I finished the sentence off for him “you told me you weren’t ready. You said you missed me, that you missed us.” I said, remembering what he told me when he was taking me to our bedroom between kisses and caresses.

His face looked confused and tired.

“I don’t get it. Why are so upset? You filed for divorce without telling me why, without giving me a chance to make it better. All I know is you felt neglected, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I thought we were just going through a rough patch, but I thought it was normal after all.” His voice was firmed, he wasn’t yelling me, but I bet he wanted. “I know you don’t think this but I’m not the bad guy here.” His eyes were red and watering. He never told me anything of this. He had been too angry to talk to me about anything.

He walked to the door, ready to leave me.

“You left me.” I said, calling his attention.  

“You already said that.” He barked back.  

“When I asked you to stay you left me for almost four months after I gave birth to my death son. I needed you Chris, and you rather work than be with your wife.” His face kept straight; he knew what I was talking about. I got up when I saw him get closer to me. He looked at me for minutes, as he wasn’t sure about his next words.

“I went to therapy. I didn’t come back home because I wasn’t stable, not because I was working, not because I wanted to leave, it was because I didn’t see another way to deal with everything. You were right when you said holding our baby it would be traumatic, it was.” I didn’t understand what he was talking about, we agreed on not to hold the baby when he was born but he cleared all up “I couldn’t help it, I saw him coming out of you as the same way Emma and Anna did. I needed to see him, and it was the worst thing I could have done, but it was my son.” His eyes never left mine when his body got much closer to me. “I lost my son too, honey. I couldn’t be there for you because I wasn’t handling in the right way.” I saw a single tear going down through his cheek. At least I wasn’t the only one crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Because you gave birth to him! How the fucking hell could I have told you I was the one losing his mind after that? I know I should have stayed with you but believe me, there wasn’t another option, I didn’t find another way.”