#i think there should have been more tension of like is amy going to get back together with adam

[rebelliousstories]

Would You Go With Me?

Relationship: Emily Prentiss x Reader

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Request: No

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Mentions of a Crime Scene, and Blood, Vague Mentions of a Serial Killer

Word Count: 1,196

Main Masterlist: Here

Criminal Minds Masterlist: Here

Summary: She’s come back. But people are never the same as when you leave them.

Part One: The One That Got Away

Consider Donating: Here

“‘Ya amar’? You haven’t called me that in a very long time, Em.” The woman stated with a tilt of her mouth, focusing her attention on the evidence board to their left in the conference room where the other profilers were.

Emily just stood there, floundering like a fish out of water. This was the first time in many years that she had set her eyes on her in person. While she still looked gorgeous, the closer she looked, the more she noticed; there was no doubt that the years of nightmares she undoubtedly had were not kind. There were small scars, and one large scar left over from the incident. Bags underneath her eyes that were nearly dark enough to be bruises. She wore no makeup which Emily knew meant that something was wrong.

“You… your house.” Prentiss inquired, her voice unsteady.

“Unfortunately, a necessary precaution.” She stated, drawing her attention back to the dark haired agent. “The blood is mine, so don’t waste time typing it. I’ve taken little by little over the years so that if I needed to, I could fake a crime scene easier.”

“You’re the point agent for The Mimic case?” Thankfully, Hotch swooped in which let Emily process her emotions.

“I was,” she sighed, leaning against the door frame.

“Why would you fake your death?” Liam asked, also dealing with the information.

In lieu of an answer, the former agent placed an envelope down on the table. There was a black heart with an arrow drawn through it. She had apparently already opened it, as the edges were torn, and in her hands, she held the contents. A single piece of paper with a legible, yet messy scrawl.

“That was left on my front porch.” She muttered, re-reading the letter. ”Don’t bother checking for prints either. Imitirovat never leaves any.”

“We should bag these for evidence still, and analyze the writing. It may be able to tell us something.” JJ stated, picking up the envelope and walking back into the conference room they had been given. Their unit chief left with the natural blonde, which left the three former partners in Liam’s office in silence.

“I am glad to see you alive, mon ami.” Shelby whispered, his face scrunched as he tried not to let his emotions take over.

“Good to see you too, Li.” She said, dropping her eyes to her hands, which still had the letter. Sensing the tension, the Frenchman left the two women be with just a pat to their shoulders.

For a long time, neither of them spoke. There was just too many things to say, and not enough words in any language that they knew. Combine that with the amount of time that has passed, and they were both struggling. However, she figured she would make the first move and come over to sit in the chair opposite Emily rather than just standing about the room.

“I thought you were dead.” Prentiss picked at her fingernails again, resisting the urge to bite at them.

“Sorry, Em. Honestly didn’t think that you would be the one to find that. Figured some beat cops would.” Running a hand through her hair, the woman took her time to focus on the other.

She looked amazing. The bangs were gone much to her dismay, but she could get used to this version of Emily. There were no bags under her eyes, and she looked well fed. Her clothes were tailored to complement her figure. All in all, she looked like the Emily she used to know.

“Have you lived here this whole time?” Emily asked, not really knowing how to speak with her.

“No,” she shook her head, “I’ve moved around every few months. Haven’t stayed anywhere longer than six months the entire time. Stayed in D.C. for a while.”

At that, Emily’s head shot up. “You were in D.C.?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Sergio’s cute.”

Prentiss chuckled. “Of course the best tracker Interpol ever had would be able to find me and my cat.”

She also let out a small chuckle at this. But another bout of silence passed between them. It was that awkward silence where you were terrified to say the wrong thing and make everything go sideways. A type that they never had before now.

“I’m sorry I never came back.”

“I’m sorry I never reached out.”

The women overlapped in a breath. Looking into each other’s eyes, they began to laugh at the absurdity of it all. She motioned for Emily to go first.

Taking a moment to catch her breath, Emily spoke. “I’m sorry I never reached out, or tried to find you. I just figured you needed some time to recover in the hospital alone because you wouldn’t let me touch you at one point. But when I came to collect you on the day you were to be released, you were already gone. The next day we got your badge and gun in at Interpol.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back.” She repeated softly. “I don’t really remember a lot from the hospital stay, so I’m sorry that I pushed you away. When I was released, and you weren’t there… I don’t know. I guess my brain ran straight to survival mode because it was all too much. The agents we lost at the safe house. I was terrified that he was going to find me so I ran, and I kept running.”

“Listen, it’s natural to go into that mode. I just wish we would’ve found each other earlier.” Emily leaned forward, and captured her hands in hers.

“Still, we’re here now. Hunting a serial killer just like old times.” The other woman teased, a genuine smile coming to her lips.

Prentiss chuckled, looking around for a brief moment to collect her thoughts. “Yeah. Yeah, we are. So, how about we get out there and get this guy one and for all? I want this case closed.”

Saying nothing, the woman stood, bringing Emily up with her as their hands were still connected. She gave a final squeeze before walking over to the door. However, as she hovered in the threshold, she turned to face the dark haired woman again.

“Maybe once this case is done, you wouldn’t mind letting me take you out for a drink?” She offered hesitantly, scared that all the time apart had changed them. But Emily, ever the confident and sure of herself woman, came to stand next to her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, she ducked in to press a kiss to her cheek, careful to wipe away the lipstick mark that was left.

“I’d like that.” And with that, Emily went to where her team and Liam stood near the evidence board. Reeling from being that close to her again, the woman sighed, and brushed her fingertips against where she had kissed her. With determination in her soul, the woman vowed two things as she went back out; she was going to catch this bastard, and she was getting that date with Emily.

“Every ending was a beginning in disguise, and I chose to begin again with you.” Unknown

[gideonisms]

I do think superstore should have waited another season on the Amy/Jonah plotline the tension is just so much more fun when they're both seeing someone else

[monzabee]

the smallest man who ever lived - cl16

masterlist || part 2 || part 3 ||

Summary: The one where you’re thrown into a conundrum when you learn the news of your husband, Charles’, infidelity.

Pairing: charles leclerc x wife!reader; carlos sainz x reader

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: angst, cheating, crying, manipulation(?), charles is an absolute asshole (but so is the reader) (but she’s kinda also badass?) (toxic relationship?), even more assholish carlos (gasp), blackmail, mention of pregnancy, mention of sex and sexual acts, physical confrontation (literally just pushing someone off but still)

Request: “Hey girl can I request something angsty with Charles? Maybe Charles cheating on Y/N (we’re already famous and have been married to Charles for years) and the fighting, the finding out, his guilt, angst, etc.”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! thank you to the anon who requested this because i had the time of my life working on it, and it might be the first fic i wrote in one go for the last six months or so!! also thank you to the getting cheated on playlists i found on spotify and amy dunne for giving me the inspiration to make the reader as toxic as i could. special thanks to @norrisleclercf1 and @percervall who had to listen to me talk about this fic NONSTOP. this is definitely something very different to what i usually write, but i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

There are moments in life where you feel like a complete and utter idiot. Although it could be for no apparent reason at all, there is a perfectly explainable reason why you feel like that right now, in the middle of your trailer on the set, with your manager and publicist both looking at you like you could explode at any given moment. It took you a good amount of time to wrap your head around the news, the news that wrecked you into a million of pieces which left you as the only person who can put them back together.  

“Let me get this straight,” you start, still trying to wrap your head around the news, “they were photographed leaving the club, and there’s a–?” 

“Sex tape, yes.” Your manager mumbles, earning himself a side-eye from your publicist. “It was so kindly attached to the email.”  

“And it is anonymous?” You ask, earning curt nods from both. “Well,” you manage to get out, pressing your lips together not to let out a sob, or a laugh, both? “That is very ambitious of him.” 

Your publicist shares a concerned look with your manager, then turns to you, “I guess so? How would you want us to handle this? I can buy us some time until these are released to public, but I think getting a statement ready just in case is essential given the fact that both of you are public figues. We can say that you’ll attend marriage councelling–” 

Your loud laugter cuts her off in the middle of her sentence. “And just why would we do that?” 

“I–” She gives you another concerned look as she softens her voice, which is quite uncharacteristic for her, you realise. “How would you want us to approach it then?” 

“I don’t want you to approach it at all.” You voice cuts through the tension, your gaze fixed on her. “I’ll handle it.”  

“But Charles–” She tries to reason, but you cut her off again.  

“Decided to get his dick wet where it certainly didn’t belong, he’s a big boy – he’ll survive.” Fixing her with a final look, you turn to your manager instead. “I don’t want this going to Charles or his team’s ears, that’s what the email said, and we should honour it, no?”  

His expression turns into a smirk, matching the one playing on your lips as he nods in thougt, “Would you like us to do anything else? We can talk with the production if you need a couple of days to… well, recuperate. Greta would understand.” 

“No.” Your answer is final as you shake your head. “She thinks this is an Oscar worthy project, I’m not throwing it away because my husband decided to think with his dick and not his brain. Just call my lawyers and tell them to be on stand by.” 

“Should I also book you tickets to Monaco still?” He asks in a monotone tone. 

“Well of course,” you reply in a sweet voice, widening your eyes for dramatic effect, “it’s a family event.” 

Your publicist eyes the both of you, “Okay,” as she drags the word out, “are you sure you don’t want to take a couple of days off?” 

“Positive. I have an EGOT to win.” Raising the script you have in your hands in the air, you announce, “I have lines I need to go over, is that all?”  

And as they leave your trailer to give you some space to ‘go over your lines’, you let a few tears escape your eyes, promising yourself that you would make Charles feel a thousand worse what he made you feel in the moment. 

It is not surprising or a sudden revelation that Monte Carlo has good weather all year around. But as it happens with the last few weeks following you learning about your husband’s infidelity, all you feel is cold – and no amount of warm weather is enough to make your heart feel warmer again. As you stand at the terrace of Café de Paris, overlooking the cityscape of Monte Carlo, all you can think about is how you just want to get this part of you plan over with as fast as possible.  

“Chérie!” The voice you hear makes a lump perpetually situate itself in the middle of your throat, but you brace yourself for the worst as you turn on your heels to face the person you’re most scared of facing in this whole situation. “Look at you, you look incroyable! You had me scared when you told me you were catching the redeye, and that we just had to talk!” 

“Pascale,” you breathe out as the woman pulls you into her arms with the warmness of any mother would do, and for that brief moment, you feel better than you have in weeks. “It’s so nice to see you again,” giving her the warmest smile you can muster up in the circumstances as you pull back, fixing your gaze at the figure behind her as you nod your head in acknowledgement, “Arthur.” 

“Maman is right,” Arthur says as he opens his arms, “you do look good.”  

“Well, thank you.” You reply as you give him a quick hug, and motion the table as you pull back. “Shall we?” Call it common curtesy, or cowardice, the fact that you don’t directly get to the point. Either way, you talk about what you’ve missed in the couple of months in which you’ve been away filming. You’re not necessarily paying attention, though the endtail of Pascale’s sentence catch your attention. “Excuse me, can you repeat that?” 

“Well, I was just telling how sad I was that Charles doesn’t come home as often this season. Though I understand he’s coming out to see you on set, distance can be so hard even for–” 

“He’s not coming out to see me, Pascale.” You voice is softer, and appears more broken than you would want it to be, but your words convey the message enough. It takes you a couple of moments to organise your thoughts, and Arthur calling out your name, to get you back into the moment. “There’s something I need to talk with the both of you, something I’ve already talked with Lorenzo, but I thought it would be better for you to hear it from me.”  

“Okay?” Arthur mumbles, then gives you a supportive smile, “You can tell us anything. Though don’t tell me I’m about to be an uncle because I don’t think my ego can take it at the–” 

You attempt to swallow the lump in your throat as you direct your words to the woman sitting across from you. “I’m divorcing your son, and I thought you should hear it from me and not him.”  

It takes a few minutes for both Pascale and Arthur to say something, and it concerns you that you somehow managed to give your mother in law a brain aneurism, but eventually, she manages to get out, “What? How? Why? Are you okay?”  

“I’m… fine.” You reply, albeit it comes off calculated. “I found a couple of weeks ago that he was cheating on me, I’ve came back to give him the papers myself.”  

“He what?” Arthur exclaims, then realises the level of his voice, and lowers it down as he asks, “Are you sure this is not a misunderstanding? The guy has been in love with you for over a decade, he wouldn’t do this.” With a resigning sigh, you find what you’re looking for in your phone and hand it over to Arthur. Who then, upon seeing what you have pulled up, immediately hands it back to you and turns to his mother, “Trust me you don’t want to see it.” 

“I’ve came to tell you the news, and well, to apologise.” You turn to face Pascale again.  

“Apologise?” She repeats, “Why on earth would you apologise to me when my son cheated on you?” 

“You’ve been nothing but kind to me ever since we’ve met, both of you.” You acknowledge Arthur with a look, and then focus your attention back on the woman, “Though I will make sure you don’t get caught in the crossfire in any way, I wanted to apologise for what I’m about to put your son through.”  

You honestly don’t know how you manage to act as if everything has been going fine in your life during race day. Given the fact that your husband doesn’t expect you to be at his race due to your rigorous filming schedule, and his family members being willing to hide your existence from him, you have no obstacles in your way to carry out the rest of your plan in motion. Which is exactly why you’re sat in the dark, waiting for your husband to walk through the doors of your apartment overlooking the city. With you seemingly being absent for the weekend, he has no reason to not believe that he is coming to an empty house.  

So, imagine his surprise when he enters his home; with his girlfriend in his arm, no less, and sees his wife sitting on the couch with her legs crossed and a drink in her hand. The look on his face is priceless, and despite all the pain and frustration you’re feeling, it manages to bring you some semblance of joy, knowing that it’s going to hurt him just as much as it hurt you.  

“Ma chérie,” Charles stammers, eye wide as he looks at you like a deer caught in headlights, “I – I didn’t know y–you were coming back this weekend.” 

“Well obviously,” you scoff, taking a generous sip from the drink in the glass tumbler in your hand, “otherwise you wouldn’t bring your little girlfriend into my house to fuck her.” You hear a gasp from the scaredy brunette wedging herself closer to your husband’s side, and for the first time you take a good look at her – young, much younger than you, tall, leggy; all the telltale signs that she is exactly your husband’s type. Tilting your head to the side, you rest the glass on the arm of the armchair you’re sitting in, “If you could leave now, I would greatly appreciate it.”  

You hear Charles whisper something in her ear, probably telling her to leave and that he’ll contact her tomorrow, and watch as she gives him a scowl, screeching, “You’re just going to let her throw me out?” 

“Well, considering the fact that this is my house, yes.” You give her a look of pity, watching her face light up with anger.  

“Listen to me, you bitch–” She starts, but your husband quickly cuts her off.  

“Mon cœur!” He exclaims, “S'il te plaît!” 

“Yes, listen to him, like a good little girl,” you egg her on, a smirk widening on your lips as you start swinging the leg resting on your lower one, choosing to focus on your nails instead of your husband trying to soothe his lover. 

You hear her scoff, take a few steps as her heels click on the marble floor of the entrance, “I wouldn’t be so calm if I were you, I’m not someone you want to be on bad terms with, considering the fact that he’s going to leave you for me!” 

“Oh, honey,” you coo, focusing your attention back on her and seeing the look of concern in your husband’s face through the corner of your eye, “and when did he tell you that, like a year ago? Two? Three?” A realisation dawns on her face as the smug expression starts to fade. “Don’t worry, though, you can have him when I’m done with him.” Pushing yourself off the armchair, you down the rest of the drink in the glass before slamming it down onto the glass coffee table. “And not only do I not care if you think I'm a bitch, but I hugely prefer it. Now get the fuck out of my house before I call security and get your ass thrown out.”  

You watch as she looks at Charles with indignation, lets out another screeching sound and slams the door behind her as she stomps out of your apartment. Only then you turn your gaze back to your husband, who has the guts to look at you with a worried look on his face. “How long have you known?” Is the first thing he asks you, taking a few steps closer.  

“A couple of weeks, a month, maybe?” You answer him, leaving your place to get to the small bar in the corner of your living room to get another refill of your drink. “There’s a video of the two, it somehow got into my hands, and it has very graphic details of the two of you having sex.” Popping a lemon into your cup, you make your way back to the armchair and sit down, “Are you stupid enough to cheat on me and make a fucking sex tape, Charles?” 

“I-I didn’t mean to–” He tries to plead, but you cut him off with a shake of your head.  

“You didn’t mean to what?” You ask him; your voice soothing, almost understanding, and it does the job of fooling him. “Cheat on me? Fuck another woman in my bed? Break the vows you’ve made?”  

“Ma chérie,” he whispers, “please.” 

“No.” Your voice is colder all of a sudden. “Tell me how long this has been going on for. Was I right? How many years?” 

“It started five years ago,” his voice is soft, somber and he tries to appear as genuine as he can in the situation, you suppose, “but I knew her, from before...” 

“Before what?” You’re seething now, the complete opposite of his calmness, “Did you fucking cheat me when we were dating, Charles?” 

“Ma chérie,” he gives you another pleading look, “please, I can change. I’ll go to therapy.”  

Now that, manages to get a bark of laughter from you. It’s ripped from the back of your throat, making you throw your head back as you lose yourself in the laughter to the point that there are tears in your eyes when you finally manage to calm yourself down. Putting the glass down on the coffee table once again, you wipe them off, mindful of your mascara, as you shift your attention back onto your husband. “Are fucking kidding me right now?” He gives you a concerned look, hands on his hips as he opens his mouth to answer you, but you quickly shut him down again. “You were bringing her into my house to fuck her, I caught you, I have your fucking sex tape – which is going to be streamlined for the world to see within twenty-four hours, do you honestly think I would go back to you?”  

“Wait, what?” He exclaims, looking at you with wide eyes and a shocked expression. “What do you mean they are going to streamline it, why didn’t you go to the lawyers? 

“I did go to the lawyers,” you shrug, innocently, “my lawyers,” you point out. “Why would I cover up your mistakes after everything you’ve done?” 

“Because I’m your fucking husband!” He barks, his arms widening to his sides as he finally loses his mask and his composure.  

His little tantrum only makes you let out another laugh, “Now, you’re my husband? Not when you’re cheating on me when I’m away shooting, but when you need me to clean up after your mistakes?” 

“How did you even get the video?” He asks, eyes narrowing down, “Who- who– who?” 

“Who? Who? Hoo? What are you, a fucking owl?” You exclaim, this time raising your voice. “You’re honestly more concerned about where I got it and not about the fact that the entire world is about to see you fucking someone other than your wife?” 

“What are we doing to do?” He asks, “Fuck, I have a race tomorrow.” 

“We’re not going to do anything.” You shrug, leaning forward to grab the glass and take another sip, “Or scratch that, we’re actually going to do something.” You stand up from the armchair, walk towards the table and hand him the file. “Congratulations, we’re getting a divorce.” 

“That is not happening.” He scoffs, not even bothering to look at the papers.  

“I don’t think you’re in the position to bargain with me, Charles.” You seethe, “You’re going to sign the damn papers, and you’re also going to sign away your rights to the baby.”  

“What the–?” He looks at you in disbelief, “You’re pregnant?” 

“Congratulations, it’s a boy.” You bite out, “Like you wanted.” 

“You’ve been drinking the entire night.” He points to the glass, “Do you expect me to believe you’re pregnant?” 

Offering him a sweet smile you hand him the glass, tipping it towards him, “It’s soda water, would you like a sip?” 

“Don’t make me do this,” he pleads, “give me another chance.” 

“I would’ve, if you were honest with me from the start.” You resign, a sincere look in your eyes. “I’ll give you a choice: us, or her.”  

He rears back with the offer, looking at you in disbelief. “What?” 

“You either choose me and the baby or you choose to be with her, and in that case, I will never let you near my baby, Charles.” You shake your head, wrapping your arms around your stomach protectively.  

For a second, his eyes linger around your stomach.   But you know his choice when he meets your eyes again.  

“What have we done to each other?” He whispers, and you can barely see the tears in his eyes.  

“We didn’t do anything, Charles. I gave up everything for you, but you just took me for granted.” Walking back to the dining table, you grab your coat and bag, and when you come face to face with him again, your voice is soft despite all the anger you still feel towards him. “You, Charles Leclerc, are truly the smallest man who ever lived.”  

The hotel lobby is calm and empty as you sit at the bar, and it’s surprising when you consider that fact that it is the weekend of the Monaco Grand Prix, meaning that there must be hundreds and thousands of motorsports fans visiting. Not that you’re complaining about the silence, of course. After the night you’ve had, silence and calmness are all you could ask for.  

“I’ll get a whiskey, please, whatever top shelf stuff you’ve got.” A voice cuts through the moment you are having, and you instantly recognise the distinct accent of the stranger sitting next to you. “Thought you were in the States, finishing off filming.” This time, the comment is directed to you, and you roll your eyes as you push the empty glass towards the bartender on duty.  

With a sigh, you turn to the man on your right, “What do you want, Carlos?” Your voice conveys your lack of energy, and Carlos is not dumb enough not to notice the dark circles under your eyes beneath your makeup.  

“I came to check on you.” Is his answer. Simple, curt and to the point. You’d certainly appreciate it more if you had the patience for his antics.  

“Well, you did, have a good night.” Slamming down a hundred-Euro bill onto the counter, you make a move to get up from your place, but a gentle hand on your wrist stops you. “Let me go.”  

Though there is no venom to your voice, Carlos knows that it is not the time, nor the place, to test your patience. “I’m sorry,” he starts and when you take a good look at him, you can tell that he’s being sincere, “I really did want to check up on you, and considering the fact that you have a perfectly good penthouse but instead in a hotel, I think I was right to do so.”  

Crossing your arms across your chest as you get back onto the barstool with a huff, you glare at him lightheartedly, “I didn’t want to stay in the same house as him,” raising your eyebrows, you continue with a lower voice, “thanks to chilisade5594@gmail.com, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.” The way his cheeks redden under the dim lights of the lobby bar would make you chuckle under normal circumstances, but you push the thought aside, “Honestly, what were you thinking? You’re lucky it was me who realised it was you, if it was my agent or publicist, we’d have another scandal to deal with.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he brushes you off with a swat of his hand, “I’m sorry I put you into that position.” 

“Don’t be,” you mumble, tilting your head to the side, “I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t sent me the video. Just tell me why you did it.” 

“What?” He turns you with a confused look on his face.  

“Why, Carlos?” You ask, voice encouraging yet soft, “Why did you send it? Why now?” 

He keeps quiet for a while, not answering your questions but not taking his gaze off you either. Eventually, he exhales a deep sigh as he gives you a sheepish shrug, “I didn’t like the way he treated you. And I didn’t want to make you worry about it without concrete proof, so I guess everything just... worked out.”  

“Huh,” you let out a small hum in agreement, “I guess you’re right.”  

Expecting more than the words you chose to answer him with, he raises an eyebrow as he takes a big gulp of whiskey from his glass. “That’s it?” 

“Well, what more is it there to say?” You ask, sheepishly shrugging. “We’re getting a divorce; he’s going to move out and I’m gonna make sure the entire world knows just why.” 

Carlos flags down the bartender as he mumbles, “I feel like you need a stronger drink if we’re going to talk about your impending divorce, cariño.” 

Taking a deep breath and exhaling an even deeper sigh, you shake your head. “I can’t.” Thank God Carlos is one of the people who is the proud owner of a braincell around you, because he catches your insinuation quickly.  

With widened eyes, he quickly turns towards you, eyes softening as you offer him a sad smile. “Dios mío,” he murmurs, eyes running over you worriedly, “are you okay?” 

“Well... no.” You let out an unexpected laugh at his expression, patting him on the shoulder lightheartedly. “I’ll be fine, Carlos, I’m a big girl. I can handle this.” 

“I know you will,” he assures you, “but does Charles know?” 

Now that manages to bring a grimace to your face. “He signed his parental rights away along with the divorce papers.” The look he gives you after hearing your words has you worried that his eyes are going to pop out of their sockets, but you try to calm him down as best as you can. “Carlos, it’s fine.” 

“It’s most certainly not!” He exclaims, his voice echoing in the almost empty hotel lobby. “Is he out of his mind?”  

You give him an awkward smile and another shrug of your shoulders. "I... feel like whatever I’m going to say is going to be wrong. So... yes?”

“Cariño,” he says, exasperated, “how are you so normal about this?” 

“Lots of women raise their kids as single mothers while working, Carlos.” Your expression quickly taking the form of a frown, “I can handle this, I don’t need Charles or anyone else to hold my hand and tell me I’m doing such a good job.” 

“I know you can do this alone, tonta,” he rolls his eyes as the endearment making you roll your eyes, “but you’re not going to be alone. Because I’m here.” There’s a certain finality to his words. And just as you’re about to object to his words, he quickly shuts you down. “I know you can do this on your own, but you don’t have to, okay? I’m going to be with you every step of the way.”  

“What if I need waffles in the middle of the night?” You ask, your eyebrow raised in a skeptical way.  

“I’ll adjust my pancake recipe.” His reply his immediate, and he shrugs lightly as he adds, “Pancakes are better, anyway.”  

Rolling your eyes you continue, “What if I need someone to hold my hand in the delivery room? It can get quite gruesome, you know?” 

He provides you with another nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve never really been affected by it.”  

“Okay, this is ridiculous, Carlos!” You exclaim, pushing yourself off your seat as you turn your body to face him. “I don’t need you to bail me out, I don’t need your help!” 

“I know you don’t,” he nods.  

“I am capable of doing this on my own!” You shriek, and the fact that your face is starting to get progressively redder worries Carlos.  

“I know you are, but–” he tries to reason.  

“No buts! I’m going to be a good mother, okay?” You point an accusatory finger towards him. “I’m going to choose him!” 

The way your voice breaks at the end of your sentence has Carlos instinctively pull you into his arms, which is not that hard given the fact that you are almost the same height as him as you stand in front of the bar stool he’s sitting on, and he doesn’t say a word as you sob into his chest – letting out all the emotion you’ve bottled up over the past few weeks, no less. He doesn’t you offer you empty promises or tries to soothe you with cliché phrases. Instead, he stands still, holding you between his arms as you sob continuously into his chest. Giving the bar tender an awkward smile over your shoulder, he hands him his card to close out your tabs.  

He only starts talking again once you’ve pulled away and trying to wipe the remnants of your tears from under your eyes. “Do you feel better now?” He asks, handing you a napkin.  

“Yeah,” you mumble, sniffing as you play with the corners of the napkin. Then, you flip your eyes toward his, and fix him with a glare. “You are not becoming my kid’s stepdad.” 

“Of course not, cariño,” he assures you, “I’ll be the dad that stepped up instead.” 

You let out a teary chuckle as you slap him lightly on his chest. “I’m serious, Carlos.” 

“So am I.” He replies softly, and you can see the genuine look on his face. “You’re not alone anymore, I’m choosing you.” Tentatively, he presses his hand softly against your stomach as he maintains your gaze. “Both of you.” 

And though the last thing you want is a promise, this one seems like a real one. So, you let yourself believe that he might just keep it up. 

[okaysonny]

how would the crew heads confess to you? (lookism)

A/N: a follow up post to: how easy is it for the crew heads to crush on you? (lookism)

thanks for all the love on it :) takes place during the current story!

✦ you're blissfully ignorant + their feelings are not reciprocated... (until you're aware of them anyway lol) because i like the #disbelief 👅

1. ELI

eli decides to take a leap of faith. he's not sure what to expect, but he's witnessed warren and sally's situation. he doesn't want his own love life to be a repeat 🫠

now that he's more sure of himself, more sure that he's allowed to feel someone's affections, he wants to know if his aimless pining for you really is aimless.

i think he'd confess to you in hostel's living room 🫡 (where warren + sally kissed) a simple but special place for him. it's where eli spends time with his family, and he wants you to be a part of that too.

he gets a pep talk from warren and sally first ofc! since they ended up together after all that tension, they remind him of their own experiences. warren would defo say something like: take it from me, gangdong's mighty...and romantic.

the gist of their speech is that: it'll be awkward, but better than waiting three years to properly confess. just be honest - if you don't try, you'll never know.

─ and if you get rejected? i'll be here with popcorn.

─ hush warren! don't listen to him eli. you've got this! (sally flashes a thumbs up 👍🏽)

he also gets motivation from amy and natalie <3 (you can do it uncle!)

eli can only smile bashfully. in the end, they're genuinely here supporting him, no matter what happens.

when the time actually comes, they all leave to give him privacy •ᴗ• (but they'd be listening through the door the whole time 😭)

his confession...is very cute and sweet 🥲 he doesn't have jake's guilt or johan's awkwardness, so he actually looks happy to be admitting his feelings, listing off all the things he admires about you.

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eli's daughter is the most important thing in the world - she's changed him for the better. so, seeing yenna so happy with you has made his heart flutter. (didn't mean for that to rhyme lmfaooo)

his feelings for you go beyond romantic attraction. it's also how well you've fit into his life, how it feels like you're meant to be there. bringing someone into his family's world is a big deal for him - but it would make him so happy to have you in it.

not that he doesn't love being a dad - he clearly does! but eli's life has been centered around taking care of yenna, handling hostel's issues, working hard to make ends meet...he's never really thought about who he is outside of that.

with you, eli feels like he can explore life more freely. he feels appreciated - maybe even a little carefree in a way that’s new for him. with you, even though the pressures and responsibilities are still there, he feels lighter. he remembers he has dreams and aspirations like anyone else. for the first time in ages, he feels like he can be just eli.

he hasn't properly liked anyone since heather - and even that's slightly different. this time, he actually knows what he's feeling. and if there's even a slight chance you'd want to be with him, he would do everything he can to make you happy - just as much as you make him.

eli acknowledges that it's a lot to ask, having a child in the picture. still, should that always prevent him from pursuing a relationship? if he gets that privilege, he would only want you. you would give him (and yenna) so much joy.

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eli's words are filled with quiet hope, his cheeks pink as his confessions spill out.

even if you don’t feel the same way, having you in his life, even as a friend, means the world to him. he doesn't want to lose that.

if eli can't be with you, he can live with it, but he doesn't want to wonder if he missed the chance to tell you.

2. JAKE

this man is filled with such angst and anguish 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

BTW - i think by this point, you'll know his job + past actions. you were unnerved when he admitted it...but jake has faced the repercussions (partly). he still has interests and hobbies like everyone else, he's still good company. you can't bring yourself to fully judge him, because you've never been in that position.

jake wasn't going to say anything. it's less messy, less selfish, if he keeps his feelings to himself.

that doesn't stop you from occupying his head though. he can't help but wonder what you're doing. are you safe? are you happy? if not, could he make you happy? ...possibly?

still, he pushes these thoughts away.

it's only when members of big deal notice his spacing out and lapses in concentration that he thinks: okay...i should probably do something.

he'd rather hear your rejection than keep wondering if there's a chance...+ to not have you (unknowingly) interfere with his duties.

first things first though, he needs some advice.

he'd totallyyy go to sinu. i can picture it so clearly 😂 jake is a smooth talker, but he's never actually liked someone. he can't talk his way though this. (he can try, but he'd fail miserably)

sinu would be so chuffed that his (practically) little brother is coming to him for relationship advice. (i never thought i'd see the day...you're all grown up. and he wipes a tear 😭) given jake's lack of interest in dating, he's pleasantly surprised at his change of heart! you must have had a big impact on him.

jake asks if sinu felt guilty liking yeonhui, considering his role in big deal. he was perceived as a gang leader back then...did sinu ever feel like she deserves better than that?

sinu gets nostalgic and starts reminiscing about his relationship 😅 jake zones out halfway through, wondering why he even bothered to ask in the first place.

EVENTUALLY THOUGH, he reels it back in and gets #serious 🙂‍↕️ something like: how long will you let your role and past define you?

the gist of sinu's speech: sure, jake has done bad things. (...worst than most people) but he shouldn't let that hold him back. jake can still try be something better, he's not some heartless monster. there's no harm in being honest, he'll never know what could happen.

jake is gobsmacked... a man of passion indeed.

i think he'd confess to you at the sea side! (where samuel found out who jake's dad was) he'd rather watch the waves than your confused face.

he tells big deal to stay away from that area, because he has important business there. (jake knows they'd be spying from a distance if he didn't 😭)

i think he'd practice in the mirror beforehand...but it does nothing to settle his nerves (-.-)

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jake likes you. he knows it's unexpected and out of the blue, but he has to tell you.

you don't realise how amazing you are, how smart, how caring. it's the little things...helping jerry with his homework (god knows no one else can) or paying for your meals even though it's not necessary - he'll always let you eat for free. + plus the food is lowkey shit anyway <3

...or how well you get along with the girls. (they constantly tell him to ask you out 😪)

he knows he's not worthy. there's people who can easily give you their undivided attention. you deserve only the best...and he's the furthest thing from that. but he wishes he could be.

he doesn't want you to think he's the same person as before. you deserve someone way better than an ex-convict. jake wishes he could change the past - so badly. he regrets not trying harder for a better solution back then, just for the opportunity to take you on a date...to be with you.

jake wants to be the best version of himself. you make him think that being a better person could change some of his past...and eventually make him worthy of someone like you.

and if there's even a sliver of hope you feel the same way, that you'd give him the honour of being his first...everything, he'll do everything in his power to be a boyfriend you can be proud of.

he doesn't need you to say anything, jake would never pressure you for a yes or no. he just needed to say the truth, to be honest with you - and himself.

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jake kim, who's always so sarcastic and sure of himself, is suddenly so nervous and quiet before you. it's a side you've never seen of him.

there's a lot to consider. sometimes you'd never see jake, he'll be in danger a lot, and if he really had to - he'd be ruthless again to protect big deal. he knows that too.

even so, he's pouring his heart out, trying so hard for you...and you don't even think you're that great, to be honest.

you find your cheeks flushing at his words, and the earnest way in which he utters them.

3. JOHAN

johan...i found him hard to write. i don't like this little mouse.

if you like someone, you should probably tell them. johan would rather die. but eventually, not saying anything has gotten more painful than the prospect of confessing.

he hasn't liked anyone since mira and that feels like...a lifetime ago. so, he (very reluctantly) goes to zack for help.

zack would be sooo annoying about it, he'll never let him live it down. johan seong coming to him for dating advice...another indicator that their worlds are healing ❤️ he shuts up though when johan threatens to beat his ass.

i think zack would give the same bs advice he gave to vasco in the blind date arc 😭😭

─ alright...you really wanna know? let me give you a piece of advice i told a certain knuckle head. Be gentle...but fast. Be manly...but kind.

─ wait...have you got together with mira yet?

─ all in good time johan...all in good time. (zack taps his noggin 🧏🏻)

so that was useless.

there is another person he can go to though...mother knows best, as they say 🫡 johan would invite you to have dinner at his place, just a causal meal...obviously 😁

─ so you're johan's friend! it's great to finally meet you. help yourself! (he got his cutie patootie genes from his mom)

johan's mom gives him playful nudges when your back is turned 💘 he silently pleads with her to cut it out.

now that he has his mother's seal of approval, he feels ready to...confess or whatever.

i think johan would confess to you while sitting at the river with eden + miro. (the one where lua pushed him in 💔)

unlike eli and jake, johan's confession isn't planned. he decides to tell you when it feels right. and this place feels right.

he'd be avoiding eye contact the WHOLEEE time 😭 his face would be so red too...a cutie patootie to the max.

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johan starts by talking about the little things, like how his dogs are always happy when they see you. eden and miro get so jumpy and excited when you come over, as if they can sense how much he cares about you. it's something he can speak about easily - they're a big part of his life.

and his mom - johan's mom is so important to him. her approval means a lot…and she definitely approves (of you). she really likes you, especially after that dinner at his house. his mom is his rock in so many ways, the fact that she sees what he sees, means the world to him.

johan hid behind a stoic facade for so long. he's grateful to zack and mira for showing him that having feelings for someone…it can be a beautiful thing. with you, he feels more okay stepping out of that shell. maybe it's the way you always listen when he talks…or how you're there for him without making a big deal out of it…or how you celebrate the small things with him. (aka…barely passing english)

the professions are still foreign to him. it’s not just about liking you, it’s about the vulnerability that comes with it. he’s afraid of how this might change things between you two. but, johan knows hiding it would only make things worse. he can’t keep pretending like nothing’s there. it’s been weighing on him for so long.

still, he’s ready to face that fear of vulnerability, to show you all the sides to him. he’s letting you in — not just with his feelings for you, but with his whole self, all the things he’s kept locked away. for johan, that’s a huge deal.

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the man who united all of gangbuk, who went toe to toe with gun park...is suddenly so shy and awkward right now. truly a rare sight.

he's mumbling almost every sentence and you have to scoot closer to hear him, which definitely doesn't help things.

johan is thankful for eden and miro's barking for once, it fills the silence that passes.

it's not the smoothest confession, but that’s exactly what makes it sweet - he's showing you a bit of his heart by saying nothing and everything at the same time.

4. SAMUEL

he'd confess you're his fav BOOTY CALL maybe!

an actual confession of his: when samuel sees cheap instant noodle packs in the store, he can't help but think of big deal.

If it means I can eat better food later...I don't mind eating here now.

but he's annoyed the lavish food he can buy now doesn't quite fill him up the same way.

✿ who would have you blushing the most?

A/N: first date headcanons next?? 🤷🏽‍♀️ if ppl like this one too

[starrlikesbooks]

Behold! The books I'm most excited to get to read in 2025!

Check for links and details under the cut!

Adrift in Currents Clean and Clear by Seanan McGuire is the newest Wayward Children book! This one takes place in a Drowned World, with giant turtles.

I Am Made of Death by Kelly Andrews is a horror romance starring the signing interpreter of a selective mute who is also an heiress! I loved Andrews' last book, which hd lush folk horror vibes, and this one has a gorgeous cover and involves curses and a spiritual exorcism, so I'm IN.

Love Points to You by Alice Lin is about someone making a dating sim! And the MC being hired as character designer. This is an Asian-led sapphic romance, and as a dating sim fan, I'm super pumped.

They Bloom at Night by Trang Thanh Tran is a horror novel full of mutated monsters, and a cult-ish submerged town where the MC and her mother are stuck, where the people believe their dead family have reincarnated as sea monsters. The summary also heavily implies the MC has monstrous qualities.

What Wakes the Bells by Elle Tesch involves malevolent souls trapped in bells and fighting gargoyles! This sounds like an exciting fantasy world with a really fun adventure.

I Am the Swarm by Hayley Chewins is a trauma-centric horror with a magical bloodline and the power/curse of summoning insects. This one really leans into female rage, and I'm really interested in the magic.

Holy Terrors by Margaret Owen is the third (and I think final!) book in the Little Thieves series! Fairytale-retelling fantasy with a snarky, morally gray, damaged MC (whom I love)

Roll for Love by M.K. England is one of my favorite kinds of books coming out lately- a D&D based romance! This one involves a new campaign & roleplaying group after a big move, and a no-dating rule giving some tension.

The Summer I Ate the Rich by Maika Moulite & Maritza Moulite is Haitian-American Hannibal story! It's also a zombie story.

The Floating World by Axie Oh was pitched as an amnesiac sword-for-hire teaming up with a theatre troupe performer with mysterious powers, and I don't need to know any more than that!

Don't Let Me Go by Kevin Christopher Snipes is Snipes' second book- and I was absolutely gut punched by the queer tenderness and mental revelations of his first book. This one will also break me, as it's about two boys trapped in a reincarnation cycle.

And They Were Roommates by Page Powars should need no further explanation than the title!! But in case it's not- this is an MLM story of a stealth trans boy coming to a new school, where- unbeknownst to the roommate- he's roomed with his former, pre-transition fling.

Nobody in Particular by Sophie Gonzales is a royalty romance at a boarding school, and it's sapphic! This has a disgraced princess falling for the new girl pianist 😍 As a big believer in Gonzales, I am lined up.

The Listeners by Maggie Stiefvater is not my normal kind of read! This is historical fiction, taking place at a hotel/spa in the 1940s- but Stiefvater wrote one of my favorite series, The Rave Boys (and The Dreamer Trilogy!), and she'd super excited about it, so I'm just looking forward to seeing her spectacular writing coming at a new angle.

Love Misha by Jam Aden has been on my list for a LONG TIME. Why? Because it's promoted as A Goofy Movie meets Spirited Away with a nonbinary main character. SAY NO MORE.

If We Survive This by Racquel Marie is a apoclaypse survival horror. Lesbian zombie stories are surprisingly not that hard t find right now, but I'm definitely interested in seeing more of them!

Predatory Natures by Amy Goldsmith has one of my favorite things- TRAIN SETTINGS. The MC is working on a luxury train during her gap year, but the trip is derailed by the arrival of a mysterious greenhouse and a pair of odd, enigmatic siblings. This is fantasy horror.

Evil-ish by Kennedy Tarrell is about disillusioned teen trying to become a supervillain. I love supervillain fiction, and this one sounds really fun and with surprising characters!

Villain by Natalie Zina Walschots is the very longwaited (for me, at least) sequel to the wonderful villain-led, radicalization story Hench. I'm so looking forward to seeing Anna as a full supervillain!

Mistress of Bones by Maria Z. Medina stars a necromancer trying to resurrect her sister, and getting caught in a game of cat and mouse with the Emissary of Death. This one sounds really magical.

Hollow by Taylor Grothe is YA horror with an autistic (and trying to deny her diagnosis) teen in Upstate New York. I, personally, seeing book in Upstate NY and love autism rep, and this is queer!

The Cuffing Game by Lyla Lee has one of my favorite fluffy queer romanc writers tacking reality show romance by the way of Pride & Prejudice! There's also (no surprise) going to be K-drama vibes.

For No Mortal Man by Keshe Chow stars a girl who can resurrect herself, traveling the Underworld to find her grandmother, and being haunted by a former betrayer.

We Were Never Here by Sophie Hannan is a heist story! This is about ghost hunters being blackmailed to do a heist, stealing a haunted painting. I love weird heists, I really do.

You Weren't Meant to Be Human by Andrew Joseph White is probably my most anticipated release of 2025! I love AJW's autistic, trans horror, and this one has aliens and pregnancy horror. I see no way this won't be weird as hell, and therefore no way this isn't gonna be amazing.

[kelcemenow]

As The Snow Falls - Chapter 5.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 2629

Warnings Some angst, some mentions of controlling behaviour and past trauma, slight smut and strong language.

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

"So, what are you going to do?" Amie looked at you with wide eyes.

You held your stare on the view out of the large window, the trees dusted in crisp, white snow, "I have no clue."

Amie sighed before taking a sip of her coffee, "Isn't it funny? If you'd have just both told each other how you felt back then, this whole situation may not have even happened."

"Yes, I see the painful irony."

"Like, you two could've been a couple by now."

"Amie-"

She widened her eyes, "You could've been married to him!"

You looked up in frustration, "Alright, stop it!"

Amie shrugged her shoulders and sank down in her chair. You took a deep breath and stared into your mug, a small amount of milk froth swirling on top of the brown liquid. You liked Travis, you liked him a lot. His presence caused you excitement, almost making you feel like you were back in college with a crush again. There was undeniable chemistry between the both of you and a sexual tension that you could hardly stand but something was holding you back.

"You're worried about being hurt again, aren't you?"

"I'm always worried about being hurt again."

Amie tipped her head, leaning forward to reach for your hand, "You need to let that go. You're never going to truly move on and be happy if you don't."

You could feel a lump forming in your throat, "But what if he finds me again?" You whispered.

Amie shifted to the edge of her seat, "And what if he doesn't?"

"I could never bring that drama onto Travis, it's not fair. It's not worth the risk." Your voice trembled.

"What's up, bitches?" Jasmine shouted as she pranced over to the window.

You turned away slightly to avoid her gaze and Amie retreated from you, smiling at Jasmine, "Hey, what's up?"

"Travis is rich, right?"

Amie glared at Jasmine whilst you looked at her from the corner of your eye.

"What do you mean?" Amie questioned.

Jasmine settled into the spare armchair that was situated next to you, her hands running through her hair, "You know, he's rich. He's just won the Super...something. So, he's gonna have some money behind him. He's famous. Not my idea of famous, but sports famous."

You snorted a sarcastic laugh which attracted her attention.

"Look, I know, you two were having some kind of moment in the hot tub earlier but I was thinking of asking him out." She crossed her arms, "I just wanted to check whether it was worth my time?"

Amie's mouth gaped open as she listened and looked to you for your reaction.

You stayed silent, clenching your jaw as she continued.

"He's brutally hot, don't get me wrong, but I need more than that. I need someone who can...keep up with me and my lifestyle, you know, financially."

You pressed your lips together and furrowed your brows, holding your nerve and your tongue as much as you could.

"So, what do you guys think?" She glanced between you and Amie with expectant eyes.

Amie cleared her throat gently, "I think, maybe you should get to know him a little better? See if you two are compatible?"

Jasmine laughed, "Oh, please. I'm compatible with everyone." She stood up from the chair and turned to you, "Y/N, can you put in a good word for me? You two seem...close." She said with a smirk.

"Uhhh, y-yeah sure." You stuttered.

You both watched as she floated away, her hips swinging and her head turning, seemingly in search for Travis.

Amie leaned forward to you, whispering, "You're not going to actually do it, are you?"

You shrugged your shoulder, "Yeah. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?"

"What kind of friend-? Are you kidding?" She hissed, "She has been vile lately. I mean, she's always been a bit...you know, but honestly, I think she's getting worse, Y/N. I can't believe you don't see it, she's walking all over you! Just like-"

"Just like Aaron did, is that what you were going to say?"

"Yes! He did and she's doing the same." Her face softened slightly, "I want you back, Y/N. I want the Y/N I know and love and became best friends with over three bottles of red wine and a Cup O Noodles!"

You exhaled a laugh and hung your head, "I'm still here...somewhere." Sighing, you rested back against the wall, "I didn't know if you had realised the date but it's been a year since I left him."

Amie nodded gently, "Yeah, I'd noticed but I didn't want to make a big deal about it."

"A whole year, and he's still looming over me. Every date I go on, every new city I move to, every time I just walk down the street, I'm still worried that he's there. I answered my front door for the first time without panicking last week and I almost broke down crying at how amazing it felt. That's not normal, Amie."

"It is for someone who has been through what you've been through."

You smiled meekly, "Even if it is, I'm tired of it." You looked around the room, "I'm just tired full stop. I think I'm going to have an early night."

"That's probably a good idea. You've got an early ski date in the morning." She raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, stop it."

"What?" Amie laughed, "You told me you wanted to have an early ski in the morning and Travis apparently said the same thing. No reason you two can't go together?"

"I suppose so." You said as you rolled your eyes.

Amie giggled and reached across, pulling you in for a hug, "Just enjoy it. Relax...and see what happens."

You held your mug to your lips, hiding the growing smile of excitement on your face when Travis appeared at the top of the staircase.

"Ladies." He nodded, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer.

Amie stood up, smiling, "You'd best have your wits about you, Jasmine's on a hunt for you."

Travis quickly scanned the room, "What? Really?"

You pressed your lips together, "Yeah. She's set her sights on you and usually if Jasmine wants something, she gets it."

Travis laughed, "Well, she ain't getting me, man."

Amie threw her arm around Travis' shoulders, needing to lift up onto her tip toes to reach him, "It takes a brave man to deny the princess, I wish you all the luck in the world." She squeezed him before walking away.

Travis raised his eyebrows at you and turned on his heels, heading back upstairs with haste.

______________________________________________________________

You found yourself wide awake again, tossing and turning in bed as you struggled to find a comfortable sleeping position. Your stomach was churning and your mind was whirring with thoughts, mostly of Travis.

The gentle wind whistled through the trees and although the sound would usually ease you into a restful slumber, tonight it only mocked you and your inability to sleep at all.

Pulling the blanket away from your body, you felt the cool air wash over your skin and you sat up onto the edge of the bed. Your toes rested on the hardwood flooring and you rubbed your eyes roughly with the heels of your hands. Shaking your head, you stood up, heading straight for the bedroom door, your feet having no attempt to stay quiet. You quickly grasped the handle and pulled it down, opening the door and making your way down the corridor.

Your eyes strained to see in the dark and you held your hands out in front to guide you. When you reached the right door, you took a breath, your fist raising higher, a gentle knock alerting the person inside.

"Yeah?" Travis' muffled voice rang out through the door.

You quickly entered the room, pressing your back against the wood once you were inside. Your eyes fell onto Travis, relaxing in bed and scrolling through his phone. The sheets covered his body from the waist down, the fabric lightly draped across his legs. His bare chest made your knees slightly weak, his bulging arm muscles only making you worse.

He stared to you, dropping his phone to his side, "Y/N, is everything okay?"

You held onto the door behind you, "It is now." You breathed.

Travis raised an eyebrow, "I don't understand?"

"No, neither do I." You smiled and shook your head, "But as I was laid in bed just now, struggling to sleep...I realised that I just wanted to see you."

Travis' face lit up as he listened to your words.

"I always want to see you. I used to make sure I walked past the football field on my way to classes to double my chances of seeing you that day. After graduation, I made any excuse to go to back to Ohio just in case you were around. And I don't know why I'm telling you this-"

"I'm glad you are." Travis interrupted.

You pushed yourself from the door, taking a space on his bed, "No, but this is the thing. I have no idea what I want from this, I don't know. It would be so complicated-"

Travis shuffled closer to you, "It doesn't have to be."

"No, it would be. Because I am. I am complicated. My life...I've had some pretty fucked up things happen and I really don't want to drag you into it all."

Travis eye's flickered between yours, "I don't care, if it meant having you, bring it on." He reached out and held your hand in his.

You looked down at the bed and sighed, "I'm being serious, Travis. It's the reason I've moved around so much."

You paused as Travis stared intently, waiting patiently for you to open up to him.

"I...was with a guy. For a long time but slowly...slowly things didn't seem right anymore. He...he-"

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, or if you can't right now." Travis' soft voice soothed you, his gentle touch on your hand easing your growing worries.

You closed your eyes and lowered your head, taking a long breath. You wanted him to know, you wanted him to understand but your head was telling you that it was all too much, too soon.

You shook your head and looked back into Travis' caring gaze, "It's late, I should go back."

You looked into his eyes, your heartbeat rising into your throat as he licked his lips. You leaned forward as he did the same, pushing the sheets away from his legs. His scent surrounded you and your skin tingled with how close you were to him, his hand slowly moving up your arm.

"Y/N, you wanna stay here?"

You nodded, your breathing becoming heavier and heavier. Travis' eyes widened and both of his hands moved to your waist, pulling your body slightly closer to him. The room seemed to fade away and all you could hear was your own heartbeat as Travis slowly leaned in and laid his lips onto yours. You stayed still, allowing his mouth to move across yours with ease. Your eyes fluttered closed and you slowly tilted your head to the side, parting your lips and allowing the kiss to deepen. You felt his hand move up to the side of your face, his fingers tangled in your hair. The kiss was passionate, but gentle and soft. You inhaled, allowing your own hands to explore him. His buzzed hair, sharp facial hair, solid shoulders and warm chest sent your senses into overdrive, your hands dragging themselves down his body. Travis shifted on the bed, allowing you to turn yourself more so that you were facing him. His thumb ran across your cheek, your skin tingling with goose bumps. When he pulled away from the kiss, his eyes opened and settled onto you, his gaze darting around your facial features with adoration.

His bottom lip twitched for a second before he took a breath, "We can just...lie here if you want? If you want to get some sleep?"

You smiled and shook your head, "No, I don't want to sleep anymore."

Travis' eyebrows lowered, just enough for you to notice, a slight expression of confusion before his hand returned to your face. His lips connected with yours once again, but with some more pressure and passion than before. With one hand keeping your balance on the bed, you rotated yourself and laid down, pulling Travis on top of you. His frame loomed over you, slightly to one side and his right hand roamed your body. His fingers dug into your hips, grabbing at you roughly and desperately. You writhed underneath him as he shifted himself fully on top of you, using his knees to pull apart your legs. His mouth moved to your neck and you gasped for air once you were free from the kiss. Travis hummed against your skin, the vibrations sending shivers down your spine.

"Oh my God." Travis mumbled between kisses.

Your fingers ran up his bare back, "Are you sure about this?"

You waited for a response but Travis was too busy laying soft kisses down to your collarbone.

You tapped him lightly on his shoulder, "Like, are you sure this is what you want?"

His head lifted quickly, his mouth formed into a wide grin, "Are you kidding? This is all I've wanted!"

You smiled back at him, pulling his face to yours and as his arms slid underneath you, you wrapped your legs around his waist. His tongue slipped into your mouth, running it along your own and causing you to groan with pleasure. Something inside of you began to tighten, a burning sensation growing up into your chest. Your pussy throbbed and you could feel a wetness beginning to form on your pyjama shorts, Travis' hard mound pressing into you. One of Travis' hands roamed down to your ass, squeezing the firm but voluptuous flesh before sliding down to your thighs, his touch leaving goose bumps in their wake. His fingers danced at the hem of your shorts, gently lifting it and stroking your soft skin underneath.

You flinched as his touch grew closer to your slit and Travis quickly pulled away from you, studying your expression carefully.

"Are you okay?" He said, his voice thick with concern.

You nodded with closed eyes and cleared your throat, "Yeah, yeah...I'm fine. Sorry."

Travis lifted his chest away from you, his eyebrows furrowed, "Are you sure? We can stop if you want?"

You could feel your eyes moistening, "I...I'm sorry."

He stroked your hair gently before helping you to sit up, "No, no. You have nothing to be sorry for."

You sniffed and shook your head, "I want this, I really do."

"Hey, stop." He whispered, "You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Your heart swelled as he spoke, his sweet and caring nature making you smile.

He tenderly pushed some hair behind your ear, his hand lingering at your cheek for a few seconds, "How about we just get some sleep? Apparently, I'm a pretty good big spoon?" He winked, followed by his classic charming smile.

The corners of your mouth curved upwards as you giggled, "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Travis."

He shifted himself over to your side as you laid back onto the bed, "It's okay. I got you."

His arm rested itself across your stomach before pulling you closer to him, the curves of your body fitting perfectly alongside him. You felt his lips lay a gentle kiss on your temple, his soft and steady breathing relaxing you completely as your chest began to rise and fall with his.

______________________________________________________________

I finally got it out! I'm sorry to everyone who has been waiting but I've had a very busy couple of weeks! This story has a couple of more episodes left in it and if I'm completely honest, I'm going to miss it! If you want to be added to my Taglist, please let me know and I will of course add you to it so you never miss another chapter!

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[metal-harbor]

Aghhh I want to hear everything about it!! Sonic and Amy's friendship is so important to me in this au, especially when his former friendship with Knuckles (and even Shadow) is so fractured, and his one with Tails now so different (if still positive). His place with Amy hasn't been replaced!

Do you see things coming to a head in any way wrt the dynamic between Shadow, Tails, and Sonic now? It has to be rough walking on eggshells around Shadow in this situation.

I think he definitely appreciates it more than he’s able to show, in return I think she finds his smile and upbeat attitude refreshing (especially since living with team dark…)

I think Sonic actually feels a little jealous - something he really isn’t used to feeling. At this point Shadow has actually been in Tails’ life for longer than Sonic had before his disappearance, and he knows that means that the two have inevitably grown closer.

The weirdest thing is the three of them trying to navigate being in the same house. Shadow is frequently away on excursions which makes things easier, but it also just makes it feel so much stranger when he is around. Sonic doesn’t really know what to say to him when he comes downstairs in the morning to see Shadow sat at the table. Usually, Shadow will immediately just get up and leave whatever room Sonic is in which leads to some tension between Shadow and Tails. Tails thinks Shadow isn’t making enough of an effort to be civil, and if he could just get past this attitude then everything would be a lot smoother. Shadow thinks he is already asking too much in asking him not to beat Sonic to a pulp, and that he should understand that is only because he has come to respect Tails. While their closeness is strange, Sonic still feels bad coming between them.

Sonic also has the uncomfortable feeling of being indebted to Shadow; he saved Tails life at the sacrifice of his own anatomy, he has given up his voyaging lifestyle to stay in once place to keep his brother safe, and he comforted him when Tails accepted Sonic wasn’t coming back. He can’t even thank the guy because Shadow won’t talk to him.

The realisation that Shadow and Tails have similar interests is also unfamiliar; he had never really imagined Shadow as a guy with hobbies. They have a truck they’re fixing up together in their free time or when they need time away from a project. They talk about quantum physics, the mathematical probabilities of time travel, theoretical chaos energy studies - things Sonic had no idea Shadow knew anything about. Tails stands in Shadow’s personal space and no one seems to notice; he’s allowed to grab Shadow’s robotic arm with no reaction, Shadow will take Tails’ goggles straight off of his head when he needs to borrow them, Tails is the only other person allowed to work on the dark rider. I think it makes Sonic feel a little replaced in Tails’ life, as he will now go to Shadow with any problem he’s having instead of Sonic. In turn he feels guilty for disrupting the peace that Shadow has come to feel - he feels like an intruder in what was once his home.

There will come a point in the story where Shadow has to rely on Sonic, and it becomes clear Shadow still acknowledges and respects Sonic’s abilities. There also may or may not be a point where, after a particularly long day, an exhausted Shadow opens up to Sonic about how tired he really is. Maybe he’s even a little glad Sonic has returned, it means that in the disturbingly realistic scenario that Shadow can no longer fight, at least there will be someone around to keep the safe.

[generic-sonic-fan]

Hullo there ! I love your " a father’s embrace " fanfic it got me into metal sonic more so i was wondering if u knew any other fanfics i could read that includes him , I would be very gratful for it ☆

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Be sure to also give a look to (shameful self-plug here, apologies) I Can't Take All This and a prompt fill I did for him a while back! Also keep an eager eye out for my Metal Sonic longfic that I'll post. . . eventually.

Without further ado, here's my rec list! I'll sort my recs into four categories: non-ship, Metamy, Metadow and Metonic.

Non-Ship:

The first thing I'll put in this category is actually not a fic, but an official piece of Sonic media. You are now legally obligated to watch the Sonic OVA!! This movie fundamentally changed the way I characterize Metal Sonic forever, and is the basis for at least one fic I'm recommending on this list. 2D animated Sonic is genuinely one of my favorite things on the great green earth, and the OVA has it in spades. If you love the Sonic CD intro, you're gonna love this one. The only drawback is that you have to deal with 90s sexism in some parts, but that's pretty minor.

Now, with that out of the way, let me get on to my actual fic recommendations:

and so I transformed myself with my own hands - by @couch-house. This is THE transfemme Metal Sonic bible right here. But not only that, it features a terrifyingly well-written Eggdad and a great take on Sage. Every scene where Eggman and Metal verbally spar in this one had me on the edge of my seat. The tension and pacing of this one is absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. So don't just read it for trans girl Metal- read it for everything else as well.

Situation: Optimal - by ModOrbot. Metal Sonic battles Sonic and pushes himself to the breaking point- and Eggman gets concerned. Featuring good dad Eggdad and some interesting angst from Metal.

Honorary mention to METACOGNITION - by Chaos Theory (Lizardmind). This one's still ongoing, but I really like this author's narration for Metal so far, and the alternate universe premise they're building is fascinating to watch as it unfolds.

Metamy:

Carbon Cafe - by @metallix-mixin. A post-redemption Metal waxes poetic about the bakery he now runs, and the lovely guest who visits him there. A short and sweet story with a charmingly verbose and romantic narration style for Metal that I haven't found anywhere else. I think about this fic whenever I pass a bakery.

Bird Calls - by Fumiku. Metal stumbles across Amy while she's bird-watching. This one's simply the best Metamy I've ever read. Period. GOD I love this one. Most of the time, I simply tolerate Metamy to get more content with Metal Sonic in it, but this fic makes me believe in love. The emotions that both Metal and Amy go through in this one are just so in-character, and are so, so good.

Beauty is in the Beholder - by Fumiku. This is the only fic I've ever found that's about Metamy after the introduction to their relationship. In this one, they've been dating for a while now, but Metal's been having some issues with mental health and body image. Good thing Amy's there to help :)

Metadow:

Mutually Beneficial, Whatever It Takes, and A Form Chosen By Himself, But Not For Himself - by @south-sea here on tumblr. In fact, you really should just check out everything Sea has ever written for their Second Chance AU that they have starring Shadow and Metal. They write Shadow and Metal in a queer-platonic relationship and their writing is honestly what sold me on the relationship in the first place. Everything they touch with these two characters is solid gold. The narration style they use for Metal is brutally effective. I can't recommend those fics highly enough.

Metonic:

Halves of the Same Coin - by @sunnimint. OVA Universe. This fic is MANDATORY READING once you've seen the OVA. This fic dragged me from the highest fluffy happiness to the most gut-wrenching of angst. This fic destroyed me. This fic remade me. And this fic just got its concluding chapter. It's the perfect time to read it.

Iron Oxide - by TheEnigmaMachine. This is the other mandatory reading for Metonic, this time set roughly in gameverse. This fic is fascinating because it's actually a high-concept science fiction novel neatly disguised as a ship fic. This one's a pleasure to read because Metal actually narrates in and utilizes actual computer and science terms (the tags for "quantum mechanics" and "physics" aren't kidding!) It genuinely blew my mind when I first read it. Don't let the weird premise scare you- roll with the angst, bunker down for the enemies-to-lovers slow burn, and give it a shot.

Beginnings of an End - by @sunnimint. If any of you were crying because you don't want to watch the OVA but still wanted to read Sunnimint's absolutely phenomenal prose, look no further- she's got one in gameverse too. This one, opposite of her other one, features a Metal raised by a good dad Eggman, and all of the baggage that comes with it going into a Metonic relationship. It's a fascinating read. The only problem is that it's unfinished, but what's there is solid gold.

[zalrb]

Apologies, I meant that the “all the women love him and all the men want to be him” are more of a Moffat thing than Eleven vs Ten. If I recall correctly, the episode featuring Madame de Pompadour was written by Moffat, but I have no idea if the episode where Sarah Jane makes her return was.

I just feel like any episode that Moffat writes or has influence on features on women characters remarking on how hot they find the Doctor, which causes the female companion/current love interest (or love interest’s boyfriend, in Rory’s case) to fume and seethe on the sidelines. (Seriously, I have no recollection of Amy’s crush on the Doctor, but it was just so unnecessary.)

I love River, but before the reveal of how her purpose was to kill the Doctor, I didn’t think she had more presence than teasing and flirting with him and despite their chemistry I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at her, because that’s so Moffat. He has this way of creating objectively cool female characters but they are made less cool by having their lives revolve around the Doctor. Amy could have been interesting, but he fumbled her; River was amazing after the reveal and with the literally star-crossed timelines; Clara was reduced to a lapdog from what I remember. As annoying as Rose was, her love for the Doctor seemed just that, but it wasn’t her absolute purpose. Same goes for Martha and especially Donna.

Russell T. Davies, the writer before Moffat, definitely had his issues with rampant misogyny and racism, but somehow his characters had enough personality to overcome those defects of his writing, I thought. I was also, like, 14 when I watched all this so this is all probably a boatload of nonsense.

No, it's not nonsense, it's an interesting perspective.

I actually have the opposite feelings about Rose and River. I'm seven episodes into season 2 and I'm not really sure what Rose's personality is meant to be or who she's meant to be, even if her journey began a season before, I feel like I should know who she is by now and really the only thing I can tell you is that she's meant to "care" and that she seems to get jealous if another woman so much as talks to the Doctor. And it also feels as though the show is working overtime for me to believe this connection the two of them have but I actually don't believe this "love" or this "bond". I had my issues with Amy and I even had issues with Amy and the Doctor's connection but I believed it way more than Rose and the Doctor or at least Rose and Ten.

Now, Rose isn't narratively revolving the Doctor the way River or even Clara was in the sense that Clara, the Impossible Girl's, purpose is/was literally to save him and River literally says that she waits for the days she sees him and she's raised to murder him but even before the reveal that she was Melody, I knew who River was, she seemed to be the only person who could go toe to toe with the Doctor, and despite their love story and her grand affection for him, she never came across as enamoured to me. So while narratively speaking her movements all really have to do with the Doctor, I never actually got that impression in the show, and part of that is definitely because Alex gives a very self-possessed and adult performance where she doesn't come across as infatuated or petty or besotted, she comes across as her own person whereas with Rose, I don't think Billie is a bad actress, I actually quite liked watching her be Cassandra for that episode because it showed me that she could have some kind of range but I don't really see that with Rose, she just kind of seems like an eager puppy.

Whereas from what I saw of Clara, which wasn't much, she isn't in season 7 that much, rather than coming across as a lap dog, to me it just seemed like she had no qualms with the Doctor, like she isn't The Girl Who Waited, she isn't in a painful, epic romance with him, she's just happy to go on adventures and be his right hand so at least in that season there isn't really any tension between them.

My issue with Moffat from what I have seen from seasons 5 to 7 is more that he does these overarching season arcs that you would think have consequences and ramifications and would alter dynamics and relationships, which would be interesting, but then he reverses what he did at the end of the episode or the next episode so that everything can be exactly the same for the next adventure and it makes a lot of things feel pointless.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Doctor Who: The Giggle (2023 Special 3)

Well... I'm having some feelings!

 Cons:

Last week's special was about as perfect an episode as I could have imagined, so some of my complaints about this one are just in how it compares with the last one. I thought the tension and threat to Donna and the Doctor was so expertly portrayed in the last episode, that in this one, when once again there's a beat where the bad guy separates them to subject them to separate psychological tortures, it felt like a less-good retread of what we saw last time.

In general, I think this episode might have been served better with an entirely original bad guy instead of a callback to old-school Doctor Who. Maybe that's not very in keeping with the spirit of things, I know this is a show with a long history and it's fun to do callbacks, but the episode had to sit there and explain why we should be afraid of the Toymaker, and that felt like it undercut the threat. I shouldn't need to have exposition explain to me that this bad guy is super bad, more bad than most of the badness we have to face. I should just be able to feel that. And I did, with the concept of the creepy doll with the arpeggio laugh. It's almost like the episode would have worked without a puppet master behind it at all?

The moment where I was especially like... "huh" was when the Doctor, fairly early on in the episode, is like "what am I without all the gadgets and confidence..." it felt so unearned, since we don't have this longstanding history with him and the Toymaker to understand why he's so shaken by this.

I liked the little recap that the Toymaker did of the things that the Doctor has been through since the last time he was with Donna, but I was also pretty irritated by it for a couple reasons. One, you can't just cut Rory out and only mention Amy, that's fuckin' rude. And two, the emphasis of the pattern here, that the Doctor meets a young woman and then something tragic happens to her and he's forced to move on, just made me angry at Moffat all over again? It felt pointed and strange that the Thirteenth Doctor's companions, all of whom went on to live full and happy lives after knowing her, don't get mentioned. I get why the Toymaker wouldn't mention them, because he's making a point about all the loss the Doctor has suffered. But why don't they get a mention later on? Why doesn't the Doctor tell Donna: not every goodbye has been an abjectly miserable one, some of them have been a gentler sort of sadness? It felt strange not to give everyone their due, if you're going to mention so many of the companions in a row like that.

I don't mind the bi-generation thing, I have a lot of positive things to say about our new Doctor and his first moments on screen, but I think being able to duplicate the TARDIS felt a little... cheap to me. Kind of a "have your cake and eat it too" situation. I know it would have been repetitive to have a David Tennant Doctor retire with a companion after losing all his Doctor-ness, like what happened with TenToo, but something a little more similar to that would have made more sense? Like, maybe he's still the Doctor but he doesn't have his time machine, and that's sad, but there's the potential that future Doctors might come by and visit. As it is, even in the little epilogue moment we see that he's romping around having adventures again, and it undercuts the retirement idea just a lil bit.

I don't know where to put this so I guess it's going in "cons", but Mel being in the story didn't really seem to add anything? I liked the one moment where Donna was like "you never talk about her, is that what you do, you just keep moving on and on and on and never talking about the past?" but it felt like it could have been accomplished without bringing in an old companion. Again, this is just a modern-Who-watcher's perspective, I'm sure it was a lot of fun for people who had familiarity with that character. I didn't have a problem with her being there precisely, it just didn't really add a ton!

Pros:

I really liked the basic conceit of the threat in this one. Basically an ear worm that gets into all of humanity that makes them belligerent, makes them believe that their opinions are the truth and that nobody else's input matters. This is a little on the nose, not the most complex of messages, but this is a family show, and I think the lesson is an apt one. The internet allows people to be anonymous, and also allows for immediate, reactive connection all across the world. There are huge gifts that this offers, but also huge problems. I really liked the moment when Kate Stewart is taken over by the effect briefly and ends up being really ableist to Shirley, basically accusing her of faking her disability because "I've seen her stand up before!!" It's so important and so rare to see a character on TV who is using a mobility aid but isn't fully paralyzed; that's true of most people using mobility aids, actually, and there's a fundamental misunderstanding about this. When under the effects of the giggle, Kate's mind takes her to the most uncharitable possible explanation, turning something that she probably just doesn't understand or hasn't been taught, into fear and mistrust. That's a really important thing for people to be on the lookout for!

On that note, it was fun to see Shirley again, and Kate, and just be there with the UNIT team. I love any time that the Doctor has to grapple with his... organizational authority, if that makes sense? When he's on Earth, he has this position of command with UNIT that he would never truly choose for himself but that he is in fact very good at, in a way that's almost sinister. That beat where he gives them permission to take down a foreign satellite is chilling, because the Doctor is in fact a literal alien from another planet who has authority over a group of humans who have the capacity to cause international incidents if they want or need to. I felt like this episode did a lot with a little, in honoring the gravity of that.

I would also be remiss not to point out that Neil Patrick Harris did seem to be having a TON of fun as the Toymaker and despite my problems thematically with this character's inclusion, I still had a blast watching him. The imagery of him with the marionette strings, the creepy puppets that Donna had to fight, the repeated echo of "oh, well that's alright then," when the Doctor insisted that his companions were not technically dead, or that their deaths were bearable for some reason... I loved all of that. Also the petulance of the ending, his insistence on trying to wiggle around his own rules... all very fun and over the top. The creepy puppets in general just added a ton to this episode.

So... here's the thing. I've seen the bi-generation aspect, the fact that Ncuti Gatwa's regeneration went down the way it did, getting a lot of negative feedback from people. I want to leave room for that very legitimate negative feedback. I totally see the argument. This regeneration into the Fifteenth Doctor breaks the pattern in all sorts of ways. He has to share the screen with the Doctor he's supposed to be taking over from, he has to spend his first few minutes as the character not as the sole focus. He doesn't get the traditional alone-on-screen celebration/freak-out as he tries to figure out who he's going to be next. I could definitely see someone feeling really irritated that this new Doctor's first major character beat is comforting the other Doctor on screen, instead of getting to take the stage on his own, so to speak.

I get it, I do. I even said above that I wish the two Doctors thing had been a little less of a copout, with Fourteen getting to keep the TARDIS and all that. But, that being said... I want to offer a counterargument. Yes, Gatwa's first scenes as the Doctor break the tradition of other regenerations, but they break the traditions in such a way that we actually get to know him a little bit at the end of the previous Doctor's goodbye? This is smart for two reasons. One, we already did the big sad sendoff of David Tennant's Doctor and I can still hear his sad little "I don't wanna go" echoing in my heart when I go to sleep at night, thank you so much. So we don't actually need to watch this man's face turn into someone else's again. Breaking the pattern was a welcome idea. And two...

This man is about to be the Doctor for hopefully a fair few seasons of television, and let me tell you, I'm already SO excited about it. I love his energy, I love the way he calls people pet names, I love his confidence and I love his compassion. This episode isn't for him, it's for the Fourteenth Doctor. Same way every other regeneration episode has been about saying goodbye to the current iteration and giving a teasing cameo of the new. Right? So the fact that we get to see what we do of Fifteen, and the one big character moment we're given for him is him turning to Fourteen, turning to himself, and pulling him into a big, comforting hug?

Do you understand what a sigh of relief I let out? After Capaldi and Whittaker and then Tennant (Round 2), we've had a lot of very angry and/or traumatized Doctors on our screen. This character has been through the wringer lately, and I know that will always be a part of his journey, absolutely. But this exuberance, this joy, and most importantly, this compassion for the self, is such a glorious, much-needed element in the story right now. We have this neat trick where because the Doctor is going to retire with Donna now, his grieving and processing will get to happen. We honor the need for this person to get some rest and try and figure out next steps. And at the same time, we now know that we have a Doctor who is not filled with self-loathing, who can honor his grief but also continue on and have adventures and meet new people and continue on the legacy of this show. It's a wonderful introduction to Gatwa's version of the Doctor. It gives me so much more to go on than the typical one minute long cameo we get at the end of a regeneration episode.

So like, I get the complaint, I understand that maybe it feels like it's undercutting Ncuti Gatwa's big introductory moment. But honestly, I think in breaking the mold and doing something totally different, I'm going to be remembering his first few minutes as the Doctor WAY more than I remember anybody else's. I don't remember the first things that Matt Smith's or Peter Capaldi's Doctors got up to, honestly. But here, we have our new Doctor immediately connecting with/playing off of characters we're already emotionally invested in. It works remarkably well and felt like a much more solid bridge between the current iteration and the next! I get sad when one version of the Doctor leaves and a new one shows up, because even if I like the new iteration, it feels like a show has ended and a new one has started. That's both a good and a bad thing when it comes to the legacy and longevity of this show. This felt more like the Eccleston to Tennant regeneration, where the show's continuity carried straight on in a seamless line. And I for one was a fan of it!

It's objectively very funny that Russell T. Davies is so in love with his own characters that he gets too sad about separating them and therefore hands out David Tennants to them just to make it all okay... like, Rose has TenToo and now Donna gets to keep the Doctor, ostensibly for the rest of her life? She gets the thing that no companion before her has ever gotten, to stay the dear and constant friend of the Doctor and not have to look back wistfully on the years of adventure that are now over? Donna, Donna, the companion who got THE most tragic ending of any companion in all of contemporary Doctor Who, and she gets to have this? I don't care if it's cheesy, and despite my earlier complaints that maybe it's a little too neat and tidy, I'm honestly floating on cloud nine about it over here. What a beautiful story.

That final scene of the Doctor surrounded by family, getting to be a part of Donna's family, getting to rest, sneaking his niece off on fun (safe) adventures, it's so healing. This is a fun show, about wacky adventures, but the trauma of the Doctor's nature, his immortality, the constant fluctuations in his identity and personality while his memory carries on, it adds a dark element that can never be totally erased. So to give us the continuation of the fun adventures with our brand new Doctor, who we'll all be excited to meet more fully in the Christmas Special, while also saying: hey, some heavy stuff has gone down. It's okay to rest. To process. And to show the Doctor, not bored or restless or dissatisfied with a quieter life, but happy? Genuinely, no holds barred, happy, with his best friend in the whole world?

Anyway I'm getting weepy just thinking about it.

This wasn't my favorite of the three specials, that has to be last week's astonishing outing. But as a farewell for David Tennant and Donna, and an intro for our Fifteenth Doctor, I'm honestly overwhelmingly pleased! Sometimes it's okay to give the characters on your family sci-fi adventure show a soft epilogue. They've suffered so much, and they deserve it.

8/10

[likealittleheartbeat]

Gay Friendship

I'm feeling so warm in my heart after watching a few episodes of the Thai gay reality dating show, "Boys Like Boys."

There's so much discourse around gay happy endings, but I think I just crave gay friendship, whether happy ending or not. Shows like Boys Like Boys, Only Friends, Looking, and even the Netflix Queer Eye depict the building of intimate friendships between imperfect human beings who have been through shit. After all, it's not the suffering that's unbearable, it's the belief that we must shoulder our burdens and successes alone. They each take the romance premise as a starting point (BLB is a dating show, Only Friends is a BL series, Looking follows a classic romance plot, and the first episode of QE opens with the team trying to help a man get his life together to win back his love) but the bond among the group becomes the more central motor of the overarching narrative for the audience.

One literary scholar, Amy Hungerford at Yale, in a lecture on Philip Roth discussed how homosexuality in narratives has been historically perceived as threatening to the push-and-pull of difference and otherness created by heterosexuality that urges a story along with adequate dynamic tension. (She doesn't say it should be this way, only that it has previously been thought of this way). Even when gay narratives come into the frame, they often go back to the same kind of heterosexual romance plot and place some other kind of difference between the two characters for them to overcome (think the class distinctions in Maurice) or the plot is more about the conflict between the heterosexual society and the gay character (can they assimilate and be accepted by the straights like Love, Simon, or will we get a tragic ending where they're never accepted like Brokeback Mountain, there's a third option where they stand up to an unaccepting society and go off into a new community but within the confines of the plot device of individual vs. society, this would still be considered tragic). Centralizing a group friendship reorients these plot traditions in a compelling way for the audience.

Focusing on a developing friend group supplies adequate tension and conflict with a dynamic of individual vs. society. Rather than a heterosexual society, it emphasizes the society of other gays (within a broader heterosexually-oriented world). This society of gays is a more nebulous group as far as what they might believe and represent for an individual. It changes the conversation from a binary between straight acceptance vs. gay identity into a conversation about one's place of belonging within the broad arms of gay experience. Boys Like Boys has contestants on a scale from unclear gender identities to masculine bi guys who aren't used to spending time with gays or sharing their feelings (and those two share a room and become besties on the show. Race, class, and openness all range among the contestants, too. We watch as they attempt to discuss these differences and take care of one another, even as discomfort and conflict arise. It's heartwarming and heartbreaking to hear how novel and meaningful these relationships become for the contestants.

The friendship doesn't erase the desire for romance in any of these shows. People are still trying to date and find love. In fact, the friendship factor adds tension to the proceedings. Whereas heterosexual dynamics have an immediate thrust from the assumption that gender difference will lead to eventual romance rather than friendship, the gay relationships developed in these shows are much more unclear for those involved and the audience. Both friendship and romance seem equally important, and you hope and worry at the same time about friendships transforming into something with a more sexual thrust. You have to consider how a romantic relationship with someone within or outside of the friend group will impact the whole group. How much time will they be spending with the group while they're dating someone? What if feelings aren't reciprocated, will that disrupt the friendships? What if two people are crushing on the same person? How does a friend group survive this kind of turmoil?! And how can you tell the difference between a friendly attraction and a romantic attraction!? These all become heightened in this gay friend group dynamic.

Friendship also fails to change the broader world (even though the Platonic ideal and Forster might have it otherwise). Oppressive and marginalizing systems still chug on. Families are still families. Even the gays within the friend group are still flawed people who say the wrong thing and make mistakes. A friend group isn't a cure, it's a cushion. Nor is a friend group a found family. The friends in these shows continue to seek connection and regard for their own families, or, if not possible--Bobby from QE is a good example of this--they work on building lives and family structures outside of the friend group. (Whether you like it or not, friend groups are pretty weak social structures for funding those basic needs that we expect families to provide and support--food, shelter, purposeful employment, etc.) Emphasizing a place for family might sound like reverting to the nuclear family model but family can mean many different structures, check out wikipedia for some ideas lol. Basically the family provides security and structure. The friend group is more dynamic with its structure and has more focus on emotional support than life's necessities.

Friendship, with its emotional purpose, becomes narratively powerful in these gay stories when one appreciates both the loneliness and instability with which gay people enter into gay society. Most have had to recognize how they differ from, not only the people that raised them and provided them security but the laws and traditions that were supposed to embrace and guide them as they grew older. Gay friendship offers a respite where comfort and imagination are possible despite hardship. It's not transformation of the world, but its the balm you need (and can return to) to go out with patience and compassion and deal with life, and the opportunity for you to offer that same gift to others who are different but like you.

[myocsfanfictions]

The Road Ahead of Us - TWD (Season 2)

The Walking Dead Fanfiction

MASTERLIST

They had left Atlanta behind, trying to reach Fort Benning; but during an apocalypse nothing ever goes at it is planned. Sarah and Nicolette will have to face new challenges and dangers. How will they survive?

《 Previous - Next 》

Chapter 25

NICOLETTE

They had lost Dale.

Even Dale.

Nicki should have been accustomed to the feeling by now. But after two months of losing people, it hurt worse each time.

Dale had felt like a grandfather to her. Though she had known him for such a short time, their bond felt deeper, as if they had grown up together. Now, standing in the silent camp, she looked at the top of his RV where he once sat, smiling down, offering advice. But now, there was no one up there. Without him, everything felt different.

"I wanted to thank you," she whispered, kneeling beside his grave. They had buried him next to Sophia's. Her fingers brushed the freshly turned earth, still soft under her touch. It had not even been a day.

"I can't stay long," she continued, rubbing her eyes to stave off tears. "Hershel will let us stay in the house since winter is coming, and after..." Her breath hitched. She didn't know why she spoke to the ground. She had never believed in heaven, and after everything that had happened, she believed even less. But maybe, just maybe, she hoped that somewhere, Dale could hear her. And Sophia, Amy, Jim, Jacqui... her mum...

Nicki found herself thinking about her family more often. After Dale's death, she couldn't help but wonder if her parents were alive, if they had found good people, if they were safe together. Her grandmother was eighty—could she still be alive? Was she dead? Eaten? Turned...?

"Shit, no," she muttered, shaking her head as if to dispel the thoughts. She wouldn't think about it. She couldn't.

Quickly, she grabbed her bow from the ground and headed back toward camp, knowing they needed help moving everything. Daryl, T-Dog, Andrea, and Shane had gone to clear the area and secure the farm, following Rick's orders. Now, as she approached, Nicki saw everyone gathered, listening intently to Rick's instructions.

"T-Dog," Rick said, his voice firm. "You take the perimeter around the house. Keep track of everyone coming and going."

"What about standing guard?" T-Dog asked, shifting on his feet.

"I need you and Daryl on double duty," Rick replied, glancing at Daryl, who was unloading supplies from the truck next to Sarah.

"Gotcha," T-Dog nodded, moving off with Daryl, who exchanged a glance with Sarah before leaving. Sarah turned to Nicki, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear—a silent inquiry about how she was feeling. Nicki nodded, grateful for her sister's support.

The night before, Sarah hadn't been able to sleep. Nicki remembered her sitting silently at the entrance of their tent, watching the dark outside. Nicki hadn't had the heart to ask her what was wrong; Sarah had spent so much time with Dale. He had taught her so much, and Nicki figured it was best to let her cope in her own way.

"I'll stock the basement with food and water," Hershel announced, passing by Rick. "Enough for everyone to survive down there for a few days if we need to."

"What about patrols?" Andrea chimed in.

"Let's get this area locked down first," Rick replied. "After that, Shane will assign shifts." Nicki's gaze drifted to Shane, who always seemed on edge, ready to clash with Rick at any moment.

"As he does that, Daryl and I will take Randall off-site and cut him loose," Rick said, the tension in his voice palpable. Nicki noticed Shane's displeasure; it was evident he disagreed.

The night before, before what had happened to Dale, Rick did not kill Randall. Nicki had been there when he got back to the camp, with Carl by his side. The Little Shit had followed them to take a look at the execution, apparently.

"Strange interest you've got there, Shorty," she told him, stepping into his tent while his parents spoke outside.

"I wanted to see," he replied, sitting on the ground.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because it felt easy," he said, looking up at her. "The decision to kill him."

Nicki studied the boy for a moment, unable to blame him. She felt the same way.

"Is 'easy' right?" she found herself asking, and that caught his attention.

"What do you mean?" he asked, curiosity piqued.

"Is an easy decision a right decision?" Nicki explained. "I thought it was, but... maybe it's not... or is it? I don't know." She sighed heavily, surrendering to the weight of uncertainty.

"Me neither." And it was at that moment, as they locked eyes, that Dale's piercing scream had echoed through the night.

Nicki could still hear it as if it were happening at that very moment, and she hoped it would have faded away at some point.

No one cared about Randall at that point, everyone remembering that Dale had been very disappointed in all of them and that he died without knowing that the boy had not been killed. Rick wanted to honor Dale's memory, letting Randall free, and nobody had argued with that, none but Shane, of course.

"We're back to that now?" Nicki noticed her sister take a long deep breath, before starting to gather some boxes from the back of the pickup in front of her, so to make more space for other things to be loaded up.

Nicki only focused on observing the two men in front of her in silence. Shane was pissed, and Rick was doing his best to keep the conversation peaceful. Nicki wondered for how long they could last. There was tension between them. She was sure they would have gladly punched each other if they'd had the chance. And maybe they already did. Her eyes moved on the bruises they had on their faces. Either had been them or a walker that remembered how to fight.

"It was the right plan the first time around. Poor execution," Rick said.

Shane cocked his head to a side, "That's a slight understatement."

"You don't agree, but this is what's happening," Rick stated, "Swallow it. Move on," Nicki's lips turned up in a little smirk, not able to hide her admiration for Rick.

"You know that Dale's death and the prisoner are two separate things, right?" Shane asked, and Nicki heard her sister take another breath. "If you want to take Daryl as your wingman, be my guest."

"Thank you," Rick said before turning and walking away.

"Why do you always have to do this?" Sarah's voice made Nicki turn to her sister.

"Come again," Shane said with a glare, but Sarah looked up from what she was doing, no fear in her eyes.

"Of course," she answered, "Why do you always have to do this?" This time, she spelled out every word clearly, "Talking down at Daryl."

Shane scoffed, shaking his head.

"You do. All the time."

That was true. Since Rick and all of them had started to see and appreciate what Daryl was doing, Shane's behavior had gotten worse with Daryl, as if he didn't deserve all the trust that he now had.

"You can pretend to be a leader all you want and have fun doing so," Sarah said. "But what Daryl is doing and has been doing is undeniable, and you should be glad he is here." Nicki's eyes moved from Shane to her sister.

"Have I done nothing?" Shane asked, and Sarah let out a bitter laugh.

"Wanting to leave Sophia behind? Scare the hell out of Hershel and his family? Threatening Randall with a gun against his mouth? Keep wanting to kill the guy even if we decided against it?" She asked before nodding her head, "Yeah, you're doing a lot of stuff," and then she closed the pick up. "Thank you."

Nicki's eyes widened with admiration at her sister, who started to walk away, gesturing for her to follow. Nicolette passed in front of Shane, their eyes meeting.

"Do you have to say something?" Shane asked, and Nicki shrugged her shoulders. Her eyes moved to the gun at his side—the one that was Otis'. Then she looked up at him. Nicki saw how Shane's gaze turned into a glare, but she only turned her back to him to follow her sister to pick up some other boxes and move towards the house.

"You've been amazing," Nicki said, looking at her sister, and then let out a little chuckle.

"Just tired of his behavior," Sarah said, "He feels like he is helping a lot around here, but all he does is bring tension, and we do not need it."

The sound of Daryl's bike made them both turn to the side. Nicki noticed the man following them and the cars towards the house. Sarah smiled, seeing him.

"He is growing on you," Nicki stated, but her sister shrugged her shoulders.

"I trust him," she answered, "And I'm glad he is not going to be by himself anymore."

After what happened, no one should have moved around alone, even Daryl.

It was strange, the perspective of living in a house again. After two months in a tent, she felt almost out of place walking inside the living room.

"Here," Beth said, taking the box from Nicki's hands, "I'll bring it up to my room."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"The girls will sleep in Beth's room," Hershel said. "I'll leave my bed to Lori. Rick and Carl will be with her." Lori thanked him before heading upstairs, helped by Patriscia. She, Carol, and Andrea would have slept in Maggie's room; the others would have slept in the living room.

"Sarah," Glenn said, nudging her and making her turn. "Need your help with the RV."

"Still not moving?" She asked.

"Andrea asked for help," he answered.

"Gotcha," she said, and Daryl went next to her, his fingers brushing Sarah's arm. When she turned, he gestured towards the boxes in her hands silently. On Sarah's face appeared a smile.

"Thank you," Daryl nodded his head, chewing at his lips.

"Hey," she said to him before he could walk away, "I'm glad you're not staying out there."

Daryl observed her for a moment before shrugging his shoulder and looking down with a little smile.

"It's getting cold," Sarah's smile didn't go away.

"Sure," she said gently, "See you later."

"Mmm..." Daryl nodded his head before she turned to follow Glenn out.

"Do whatever Rick asks," Sarah said to Nicki before exiting the room.

"What can I do?" Nicki asked, hanging her bow across her shoulders as she exited the house. The sheriff was still giving instructions, turning as he saw Nicolette.

"Do you want help to reinforce the house?" Rick asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Whatever you need," she answered simply. Rick nodded his head.

"Let the kid come with me, Rick," Shane's voice made her turn. The man was laying his back against the car, "We'll bring the beams."

Nicolette observed Shane. He knew that she didn't trust him, and she was curious to know why he wanted to have this bonding experience with her.

Nicki saw Rick observing the man, too, before turning to Nicki.

"You okay with that?" He asked. Nicki looked over at Shane once more.

"Sure," she said simply, "It'll be fun," then she walked towards Shane, looking at him before entering the car. Her eyes never left him as he made his way towards the driving seat.

"It's been a while since we last ran a car together," Shane said, turning on the car. Nicki nodded.

"On our way to the CDC," she said, remembering leaving the camp in Shane's jeep. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Things were less tense then," Shane said.

"We thought we would be safe then," Nicki answered, turning away.

Shane chuckled, "So, you think we are not safe, too."

"You're talking about Randall," she stated, not surprised.

"Aren't you?" Shane asked, and she could feel his eyes on her, but she gave no answer.

"Ya know we're not safe," that made her smile, but she didn't turn. She remembered that day at the barn, how he talked everyone into following him to "protect them," or how he had encouraged Carl to shoot to protect his mother. She had lost all kinds of trust in the man that day. He kept lurking around Andrea, getting him on her good side, and he was always around Lori and Carl. He seemed not to like Hershel, or Daryl, or Dale... all people that didn't listen to him.

"I know you want to keep everyone safe," he kept saying. "The first time you shot was to help Sophia."

"The first time I shot a walker," she said, turning to him with a glare. She didn't like to talk about Sophia, or what she had done... or what she didn't.

"You're a protector," Shane insisted, "You know what's the right thing to do; you know I'm right about this."

Nicolette observed the man in silence. That was a nice tactic, the guilt, the fear of things happening again and again.

Everything we do, or we don't is going to affect the group, she knew that. She always thought about that.

"Right now," Nicki said when he stopped the car, "I want to protect the reinforcing the house, as Rick said. " Then she opened the door of the car and walked outside.

She didn't like to be manipulated, and she knew what he was up to. She had seen how he looked at Rick, hoping and waiting for the time someone would lose their trust in the sheriff. But Nicki was not the right person for that. What happened with Sophia didn't involve Randall. But Randall was involved with Dale. And if Dale didn't want him dead, the guy would not have died.

The two of them worked in silence, loading the beams in the back of the car. Shane didn't seem happy with the conversation that they had, and he kept scoffing every time he put away a beam. She didn't care. So she just ignored him.

"Hey, Shane?" Nicki heard Carl's voice as she tied the wooden pieces together from inside the car.

"What's up, man?" She heard Shane ask, "What are you doing, wandering around by yourself?" Nicki moved to see Carl through the window. He was nervous, worried, and probably sad after everything they'd seen the night before.

"If..." he muttered, "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell my parents?" Nicki's brows frowned.

Shane sighed, "I think it's probably a bad idea for both of us, bud." Carl didn't seem pleased by his answer, so he looked down and started to walk back towards the house.

What did he want to say to Shane?

"Nicki," Shane called for her before calling Carl's back. The boy looked at her as he walked closer.

"What?" She asked.

"Can you walk back to the house while I talk to Carl?" Shane asked, sitting against the back of the car.

"I'm supposed to help," she answered.

"We're done," Shane said dismissively. "I'll just drive the thing back after I'm done with Carl."

Nick looked at the man before shrugging her shoulders, "Whatever..." she muttered, starting to walk towards the house. As she did so, though, she turned back, noticing Carl giving Shane a gun. Why was Shorty going around with a gun? For what she knew, Rick didn't want him to be armed. And why did he need to tell Shane? That got her curious. Shorty was acting rather strange that day.

She had been helping around the house. After Shane got them back, Hershel closed the windows with the beams, and Nicki was with Beth, arranging the sleeping bags around the house.

"It's going to be a bit tight," Beth said, probably trying to make small talk.

"It's a room, it's alright," Nicki answered.

Beth chuckled, sitting on her back, "You are not into talking that much, are you?"

Nicolette shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry," she answered. It was not the first time someone had said that to her. All her life people said that she was quiet, grumpy or too straightforward, she wasn't the friendly type. That was more of Sarah.

"It's alright," Beth said, "I... just hope we'll become friends," Nicki turned to her with a frown.

"We never even talked," she said.

"Then let's talk," Beth answered with a smile.

"About what?" Nicki asked. The girl shrugged her shoulders.

"What's your favorite color?" Beth asked. Nicki frowned at her, but Beth insisted.

"Purple," Nicki answered finally.

"Mine's green," Beth said happily. Nicolette nodded. Then, she went back to fix the sleeping bags.

"Your hobby is archery?" at Beth's questions, she nodded, "I like to sing. My dad always wants me to sing something."

Nicki's mind went back to her grandparents during Christmas.

"My granny liked how I sang," Nicki said, remembering how her grandmother always encouraged her to sing something after dinner. "I've always been too shy to do it, so Sarah would always help me." She always did that, and together, they made it. It had happened even the last Christmas—their last Christmas.

"Do you like it?" Beth asked, but Nicki shook her head.

"I did it only for her," she felt her lips quiver. There would have been no more Christmas, no more dinners with her grandparents or parents. They were on the other side of the country if they were still alive.

"I'm going to see if they need my help," Nicki said, exiting the room quickly. She didn't want to think about her family. She really couldn't.

She walked down the stairs. It was late afternoon now. The house had been secured, and the camp had been moved inside. She saw Sarah talking with Glenn and Maggie, trying to arrange the table for dinner since there was all their stuff around. Carol, Lori, and Patricia were in the kitchen, while Hershel was making sure the reinforcements were done properly, and Carl and Jimmy were moving the last boxes around.

"Nicolette," Lori's voice made Nicki move towards the kitchen. "Sweetie, could you bring this outside to Daryl?" She was giving her two big bottles of water. Now that everything was set, Rick and Daryl had to take Randall away. That was the plan.

"Sure," she said, taking the bottles in her hands and bringing them outside.

Daryl gestured for her to move closer, took the bottles from her hands, and loaded them at the back of the pickup truck.

"Hey," she said, seeing Daryl next to the pickup, "Got you some water."

Daryl gestured for her to come closer before taking the bottles from her hands and loading them in the back of the pickup truck.

"Only got so many arrows," Daryl said, looking at five arrows as T-Dog exited the house with a gun. It was a shame that she couldn't give him some of hers. But arrows for bows were different from the ones used on a crossbow.

T-Dog handed the gun to Daryl, "Is that Dale's gun?" He asked, and T-Dog nodded. "Wish I knew where the hell mine was," Daryl muttered. Nicki looked up at him without saying a word. She wasn't a detective, but she thought she had found the culprit.

"Ready?" Rick's voice came from behind them. Daryl nodded.

"I'll get the package," T-Dog said, heading towards the cabin.

"You alright, Nicolette?" Rick asked putting a hand on her shoulder. The girl nodded her head.

"Yeah..." she answered, "All good."

Rick smiled at her, "You and Carl have so many things in common," Nicki frowned. But she didn't have time to answer because T-Dog's voice yelling for Rick made them all turn.

What was happening now?

************************************************************************

If you liked it, plerase leave a ♥️ and reblog!

[thebleedingeffect]

tell us about your hannibal-faith-fnaf au please :) be as incoherent as you want

FORREST, BELOVED MUTUAL, I AM KISSING YOU!!!! ON THE LIPS OR CHEEK? IDK THAT'S FOR YOU TO DECIDE!!! AUGHHHHHHH okay I'm gonna be 100% incoherent now, thank you for letting the BEAST to escape its time to release the autism demons.

Alright, so, the very very beginning of the au starts around mid season one of hannibal, I'm sorta thinking around the episode 7~8 range, before Abigail comes back into the picture. Hannibal's efforts at driving a wedge between Will and Jack have worked to such a point, along with his still struggling mental health and budding encephalitis, he's completely, 100%, done with the FBI. He's losing a painful amount of time, he doesn't trust himself, he doesn't trust the people around him, and he knows that it's only getting worse with every passing day. Will knows that he shouldn't, he absolutely shouldn't, he knows that him taking time away from the FBI and the countless investigations would only get more people killed. He can already feel his mind beginning to bend, and taking on more and more killers is only making it worse. Its gotten so bad that he can see Jack simply calling him and he can barely breathe around the fact that he'll have to allow another killer in his mind.

Not even the appointments with Hannibal seem to be working at releasing the tension, and he feels closer to a steadily breaking dam than a person.

It's callous, it's reckless, it's selfish... but Will doesn't stop himself on the third night of absolutely no sleep to call the Baltimore FBI department directly ans ask for a case. Any case, any case at all, as long as it's out of Baltimore entirely and he's solo- he'll take anything. Will knows that he's only a "consultant" and not an official agent, so it should at least lend him a single day before Jack finds out. It takes less than a day for them to get back to him and while it isn't that far- Will can't help the bolt of relief at hearing that he'll be going to Connecticut of all places. He leaves that same day with only a voice-mail to Alana to request that she take care of his dogs until further notice. Whatever he tells Alana will eventually make its way to Jack, so he very carefully turns off his phone and only dares to turn it back on the moment he walks into the Connecticut FBI division.

It's a small little thing, nowhere as large and distinguished as Baltimore, but that very fact is a comfort as he settles into the uncomfortable, old chair. They tell him of a town that's been suffering through an increasing rate of missing people, as well as the strange deaths littering the town. Ritualistic almost, but all of their investigations have proved to be useless as they can't find a thing. There's rumors, of course, but it seems like any info that there is, is trapped within that little country town. They've gotten so desperate that it's why they requested for another pair of eyes on the disappearances. Will can already feel his own curiosity burning at the threads begin to weave together.

A little town in the middle of nowhere, deaths and disappearances that have stretched back for decades, and now? A string of murders and animal corpses filling the forests. It's... an intimidating case, but one that promises to keep him more than well distracted from Baltimore and all of the lingering regrets that wait for him. Will doesn't hesitate to accept the case.

He very pointedly ignores his ringing phone and Alana's concerned texts.

Some more mundane events happen until!! Will and John officially meet during chapter one :]] Will have gone to check out the Martins' abandoned household, the most recent of disappearances, only to run into John :] who has a shotgun :] and just got done failing to exorcise Amy FOR A SECOND TIME!!!! Anyway, John saves Will from getting absolutely fucking mauled by Michael! Sorry it just cracks me up that their first interaction is John being freshly traumatized, Will learning that demons exist, and promptly adopting each other as besties.

Some other little details about the faith-hannibal meeting!! Will acts in what would be Garcia's role if he had been present throughout the entire story, aka he physically protects John and acts as the more rational, calculating one to John's more extreme anxiousness and ridiculous guilt complex. They help to balance out each other a ton and it's really fun for me to imagine that Will is the "bite" between the two of them. Their dynamic is the equivalent of two EXTREMELY different people, somehow finding a ton of common ground and even an understanding between each other. At first, it concerns John that Will is able to understand the demons and worshippers so well, but he soon comes to terms with it. If anything, it's a comfort that Will offers a sort of stability to the world for John and John is a glimpse of how genuinely good the world can be. Will is so frequently haunted by the absolute worst of humanity that it can be a nice reminder that a whole lot of people are also haunted by darkness, not all of them reflect the potential for darkness. They're each other's stability and also help each other with keeping tied down to reality.

It also helps that the both of them suffer with delusions, hallucinations, and nightmares, so it's nice to be understood and not feared, or pitied.

I like to imagine that they get one of the neutral endings!! Or aka :) the ending where the seal is not completely broken and the crucible is instead sealed. Things get a bit, uh... heated when Garcia takes out a shotgun and points it at John :( to which Will points his gun at Garcia :( I like to imagine that Garcia reminds Will of Jack in that painful moment, of being willing to sacrifice someone for the greater good. Will is the one who asks John if he wishes to join the fight- join Garcia- and his gaze tightens when John says no for the second time- he needs time, he needs to breathe-

Keep in mind that this is a timeline where Lisa had been killed by John while he was possessed :( so he's extremely emotional and traumatized, and really? Will is one of the only reasons that he's been at all stable whatsoever through all of this. It just KILLS ME to imagine that WILL ASKS JOHN IF HE WANTS TO CONTINUE THE FIGHT!!! HE ASKS IF HE WANTS TO IMMEDIATELY THROW HIMSELF BACK INTO HELL!!! AND HE DEEPLY UNDERSTANDS WHEN JOHN SAYS NO!!!!!!!! LIKE GOD. DEAR GOD..... I just can't fucking get over the idea of Will feeling so much like a tool, of being pulled that way and that, of being the sacrificial lamb- that he SEES himself in John at that very moment and steps IN!!!! HE'S THE ONE WHO HOLDS A GUN TO GARCIA WHEN HE TRIES TO FUCKING IMPEDE ON JOHN'S CHOICE. END IT ALLLLLLL !!!!! And like, Will fucking gets why John wants a break, wants to run, because isn't that what he's doing? It doesn't matter much, but Will is able to successfully get them both out and on the road.

They're not going to Baltimore, he knows that it would be the smartest option, but he just can't yet.

Anyway uuuhhhhhhh plot is a bit twisty and turny here because I'm still solidifying on how they end up in Nevada- but they end up there after Will is forcibly put into the hospital for his encephalitis and extreme fever. John is by his side the entire time btw ^-^ ! And I've been thinking that they end up staying in Nevada for a bit so Will can recover and that's how they end up learning about the string of disappearances within the remains of freddy's! And it doesn't help that there's been other, more quieter disappearances as well... and Will just knows that somethings up, and he can't refuse the pull when he reads paper after paper of the missing children. Eventually! They end up finding Vanessa and its through her that they end up learning more and they meet Mike on his very first night!! :DD

Will, John, and Mike all bond and it doesn't take long for Mike to tell him about Garrett and all that he experienced. How he dreams every night, the same dream, but he never feels any closer to his brothers killer. Will deeply understands how it feels to be haunted by a killer, to have the feeling of being useless and helpless under your skin, and how it feels when everything is ripped away from you. John also understands because he's deeply sympathetic to how Mike lost absolutely everything and yet... he's still so protective, how he tries. How even if the world seemed determined to keep him alone, he always stayed by his sisters side. It reminds him of how him and Lisa used to be and it's all very...... uhhhhhhh lemme rip my heart out of my chest rq, I can't fucking handle all of these guys being sosososososo sad :(((( but it's okay cause they're all besties and are having a therapy session on the dirty kitchen floor.

Also some random details during the whole fnaf part- Mike invites Will and John to his house because it's kinda clear that they're not from here and have absolutely no place to go. Abby is initially not happy at ALL that there's two whole other people stealing Mike's attention- but she softens really quick when she sees how having friends has made some of his stress alot easier. John is actually pretty good with kids, though he does fumble and is kinda awkward- he's trying his best!! And Will is so out of practice because being in the FBI means you don't really interact with kids, ever, and her being a child knocks him off his rocker so damn much you have no idea. Abby is able to get him on the floor to draw and he's completely stunlocked the entire time, he has no fucking idea what he's doing whatsoever.

Also Will has been fucking pampered by Hannibal's cooking, but he's brought back to earth extremely quickly when Mike shows up with cheap, greasy pizza. Will swears he can feel Hannibal shiver from across the states.

But besides that! John, Will, and Abby all end up accompanying Mike to his job that they can watch over Abby while researching more about freddy's and the profane sabbath! Goodbye to Mike's late night nap sessions :)

John is extremely spooked by the animatronics btw LMAOOOOOOOO he shrieks the first time that Vanessa shows them all off and he immediately hides behind Will, who has the most incredious expression you've ever seen in your life. Will doesn't trust any of them worth a SHIT and he just wishes that he could shoot them like any old demon or person. He may or may not carry a taser 24/7 the moment he's able to work the info out of Vannessa that they're weak to electricity :)) not even joking Abby and Vanessa are the only ones who trust the animatronics worth a damn and it's the funniest damn thing to see in action. Just imagine three vaguely anxious guys all huddled together with The Expressions of all time.

John is terrified, Mike is untrusting and slightly dissociated, and Will can and will figure out how to take them apart by evidence of his face alone.

It gets even worse when the animatronics start moving and Will just has to sit on the ground because OF COURSE FUCKING GHOSTS EXIST. OKAY WHATEVER. ITS FINE. I KNOW YOU'RE ALL DEAD KIDS BUT I STILL DON'T TRUST YOU WORTH A SHIT. I MISS REGULAR MURDERERS NOW <- he's going to regret that thought extremely quickly when he meets William and Gary.

While all of this happening btw I just need you to imagine the rest of the hannibal cast absolutely losing their shit trying to figure out where Will went. Hannibal is slowly unraveling because he utterly despises how MIA Will is rn and he has no idea where he is. Let's just say that he's... a bit tired of it :) just a bit :) he's totally not about to go off-gride himself and find Will by the skin of his fucking teeth. He doesn't even fucking know about Gary........

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary199

4/1-2/2024

monday - tuesday

tomorrow i work.... but it's 5 hours and i can do that... i will be okayyy.

then i get a bunch of days off and stuff. cool. i forgot to finish the drawing but i corrected that song from last night and did another one. i think i am too tired now to do another one. i've, instead of working on a third today, to get things closer, been thinking about if i'm dumb or not, stuff like that.

i've been thinking about that cute/acc thing again, i was reminded of it, apparently my gf bought it also so i guess i will read it. unfortunate but maybe useful. i do really feel like i will disagree with that book, that is everything i am feeling. but does that mean i'm going to be bound for failure while reading it? i don't know. i argue with everything, and resist everything. it feels useful to resist any 'accelerationism.' it's just... i dunno. i feel like no matter what, could i even refute it right, and if i could, who would care. but i want to, or i feel myself developing, or having developed, some other experience of 'cute'. i've talked about it before, apparently 34-ish entries ago. so hardly over a month. but the book is coming into more clear focus. it appeals to some sense i have, for instance, of letting the void speak through one, but then it asserts, cuteness has no interiority, it's pure surface. but pure surface is really a perfect shell around void, it is a perfect articulation of an inside, it's so shadowy a thing, spilling out constantly. the sense i have of this comes from dolls, and a painting. but thinking about this made me write it into a novel kind of, which is probably good. i should articulate this stuff in fiction. guerilla tactics against discourse.

advancing things against visibility. yeah. just leave myself to places no one looks. maybe that's part of why i get so upset and feel so ugly sometimes, and then need to dress like a slut or whatever.

but it's okay to be like that.

when i was watching the doom generation someone called amy a slut, like, in the way where they're like, you go girl. but it made me feel sick. the existence of the word and the violence it perpetuates really does horrify me and i don't know if it's even thinkable to absorb it back into being a positive. really what it means is the penalties get to exist beside whatever efforts there are to clean the word of cruelty or whatever. the whole movies is about why that word is terrible, basically.

i felt like crying hearing it in the theater.

i feel scattered and upset. it's because i slept only 4 hours but i'm also just crazy and stuff but i really feel something. i've been pregnant for a while now, it feels like, something inarticulate. hopefully, soon, alone, i can write this thing out of me.

part of why that cute/acc book upsets me so much probably is the amount of pain i experience needing to be cute, and then being cute, and the pain i know lolitas experience, the pain i know people put into dolls, fashion dolls to porcelain ones you keep in cases, the affection and interiority of the objects or the objectified. it keeps itself there, at the threshold, the book, it seems at least, of the objects, it's not that i want the human to have any place in the book, it's that the horror exists where, the horror i embrace by wanting to be cute. where is this, the human is wiped away yes, and not replaced with a cute surface, but spasm and incoherence, something illogical and driven by fantasy and erotic pulsions, as much as a need to be pristine. i am cleaning myself to only dirty myself. my monstrousness is not contained within tamagotchi cuteness, it is real deformity, to and for the social field. i am non-functional. i cannot even be myself at work. when they see me, i am an error that requires solving, cuteness does not make me easy to swallow, cuteness is tension, it interrupts itself, it's ugly.

hans bellmer - illustrations for madame edwarda.

anyway. i complain too much. today i also read about fascism and of course read more foucault. but i was so shocked at work, i heard the beatles, and listened to ticket to ride for the first time in years and was shocked by how much i like it. i loved them as a kid and stuff, they were like my first favorite band, without them i probably would not make music, but it's been a long long long time since i've listened to anything other than strawberry fields forever.

i am tired though, and other stuff, i just need to sleep i think.

soooooo

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[irishhills]

dinner date

Luke knows Eliza deserves the best dinner date of her life. Of anyone’s life, probably, and even though that’s hard to measure, Luke is pretty sure he can do it. He puts on a damn suit, feeling somewhere in between a man and a kid going to a birthday party in the 50s. He takes his father’s cherry red Mustang to pick her up, and he ignores her mother’s overly impressed look from the living room window. Luke can only pay attention to Eliza.

Eliza, in her perfect little black dress. She looks older, probably on purpose. There are only two and a half years between them, but for a sophomore, dating a senior feels downright exotic, at least at first. Luke should know. When he was a sophomore, all he wanted to do was date seniors who wouldn’t give him the time of day. That he’s going out with a sophomore now, as a senior … looks like he must like Eliza a little more than he initially thought.

“I hope you don’t mind a long drive,” Luke says as Eliza buckles her seatbelt.

“In a Mustang?” Eliza says. “I love it.”

“OK, good. I made reservations at a place I think you’ll really like, but it’s gonna take us about forty, forty-five minutes to get downriver.”

“Is it on the river?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry, we don’t have to get close to the river or anything. I’ve been on the Boblo Boat before. Nothing but chicken bones and diapers in there.”

Eliza cringes.

“You know, you said this was going to be romantic,” she says. “I’m not so sure I believe you now.”

Luke’s heart jumps into his throat, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees that Eliza is laughing. Her eyes even sparkle a little bit. She looks pretty all the time, but she probably looks prettiest in the fall. Something about the leaves and her red hair.

“Don’t worry,” Luke says. “If we happen upon a chicken bone, I’ll take care of it.”

“And if we come upon a diaper?” Eliza asks.

“Well, I’ll call in a professional.”

Eliza laughs. She turns on the radio, maybe afraid of silence. Good. Truth be told, Luke’s afraid of the silence, too. Last week, at the homecoming dance, it was easy. Just anxiety and … passion feels like too strong a word, but when he thinks about it, that’s the only right one. Eliza spent a whole night nearly crying because she thought she was in love with Chris, or at least that she could be. And Luke … Luke couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong it was for Chris to take Eliza as his date. Not only because Chris is in love with Blair, but also because Eliza wouldn’t be right for him in any case. She’s more vulnerable. Open-hearted. When Eliza speaks, she’s careful and genuine and sweet, not the acerbic woman of Chris’s suppressed dreams. Eliza is right for someone with a heart as big and unafraid as hers. Someone like Luke. And when he kissed her that night, it was the only thing he could do. It was the only thing he wanted.

But now, with Eliza in the front seat, out with him because she wants to be … what if they’re bad at it? What if they need the tension? Luke loosens his grip on the steering wheel. Perhaps that tension didn’t go anywhere, after all. He takes a breath and tries to notice the radio.

“Oh, hey,” he says. “I know this song.”

“Yeah,” Eliza giggles. “I know it, too.”

It’s a cheesy song. Bad English, “When I See You Smile.” As soon as he heard it on the radio at the beginning of the school year, Luke knew it would be a school dance staple. Apparently, they only played it once at the homecoming dance last week, but it felt like it was the only song they ever played. Maybe that’s because it was the song they played when Chris and Blair fought on the dance floor, Amy sobbed in the bathroom because of Bridget and Emmett, and he and Eliza kissed in the vestibule. The song that never ends has nothing on this baby.

“We can do better than that,” Luke says. “Turn the dial one more time.”

Eliza turns the dial and winds up on a better station with better taste. They’re playing INXS. A few years behind the times, sure, but sometimes better than staying on the pulse. Incidentally, this happens to be Luke’s favorite INXS song.

“This is my favorite INXS song,” Eliza says, without even looking at Luke.

And at seventeen, this feels like fate. Everything, to Luke, feels like fate. He reaches for the dial and turns up the volume. Whatever silences and uncertainties lie between them, Michael Hutchence is more than happy to paint over.

Don’t ask me / what you know is true / Don’t have to tell you / I love your precious heart …

“‘I,’” Eliza sings quietly, “‘I was standing …’”

“‘You were there …’”

They sing the whole song together, just like that, on the way to the interstate. Luke almost forgets he’s driving and not just levitating toward an evening with a girl he didn’t even realize he liked. But none of that matters now. What matters is that they found a better song.

Luke merges onto the freeway, and the song fades away, but not forever.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 327

Back and to the Future/Nikola Tesla’s Night if Terror

Did I mention there’s a mistake in my “final” calendar? I put the episode of dw I watched the other day on there twice 😎👍 luckily what that really means is I can skip watching one some time this weekend

“Back and to the Future”

Plot Description: Sam, Dean, and Castiel reluctantly team up with a demon inhabiting Jack’s body to battle an army of undead souls that includes some infamous killers

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: (not even started it yet and certainly not, right?) guess who was riiiiight

Cas making sure to bring Jack’s body with them to safety (even temporary safety) 😭😭😭

Vs Cas also pointing out that he wouldn’t starve to death if they stayed in this place forever

Dean’s so mad at Chuck and in such a funny way

So….not running water, just more zombies

Oh this is actually kind of fun, like when Misha gets to play evil versions of Cas

I’m not trusting that this demon was your basic pencil pusher. He just stopped the (not-)zombie horde that god himself put in our trio’s way

Yeah, MAYBE these girls are a little spoiled but that doesn’t mean this ghost has to go after them

We’re starting to see the aftermath of various ghosts who stayed true to form

This murder clown is decidedly not sexy (to me. Could be someone else’s yum, and I won’t yuck it)

How long ago was this demon last on earth??

Oh a big bag of salt and a human heart?? Is THAT all you need??

Of COURSE Sam had to go to the clown house, poor guy

I love that Rowena made Dean say please and use the descriptor “exquisite” when he first told her they needed her to move her ass

Omg we cannot be getting Michael back again (but this universe’s Michael who got———hey, what about Adam? I know we’re NEVER revisiting that plot thread but like…that’s so stupid)

And if COURSE the gunshot wound Sam has isn’t able to be healed by Cas AND he’ll hide it…

Hey, free, fresh human heart, I guess

Lizzie Borden’s here too??

Castiel sassing Sam shooting him with rock salt when he can’t help when a ghost decides it’s gonna vanish

Worst ghosts in a show ever. Why do they HAVE to run? The ghosts are running

Oh man. The bad tension between Cas and Dean continues

Thank you, Sam, from saving Dean even temporarily from a nihilistic spiral

This is unintentionally the funniest fucking show in the world. “If we win—when we win this, god’s gone” I love this stupid show so much, I can’t believe I’m in the last season

“Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror”

Plot Description: 1903. Who or what is sabotaging Nikola Tesla’s generator plant at Niagra Falls? And has this maverick inventor really received a message from Mars?

Ruh roh I’m not gonna make it before midnight. Can we blame Megumi?? And how cute she was being tonight?

Hey, did this one come out before or after Elon became obsessed with going to Mars? Because the Tesla-Mars connection seems too on the nose

Ok I can see why he believes he’s getting messages from space

Companions should get in period dress more often

These two ACTUAL geniuses in a room together and supporting each other and comforting each other, realizing they have so much in common

This dude in the cape is bad news. Wtf is happening with him??

Ok, since we’re in NYC…I’m just thinking, what if we could DO something that would have prevented what happened to Amy and Rory.

They do this to angels in spn to interrogate them, too…but these are no angels, that’s for sure. The makeup they used almost reminds me of the spider queen from the runaway bride

Voice too, actually

Graham telling off Thomas Edison is delightful

Oh but instead of spiders, it’s scorpions, and they can shoot lasers from their tails!

And what a crazy thing that they also steal tech from other places

Edison should not be allowed to be this close to the plan

Aw, she just wants a high five and he doesn’t know what that is because it hasn’t been invented yet?

The return of the goggles!! Yay!

It’s effective for getting people off the street and away from the scorpion aliens, but it also feels slanderous for Edison to be saying that shit about Tesla

Excuse me? The Doctor is typically about stopping but not killing…but kind of in the way Aang is, but…she seems pretty dead set on killing the queen. I’m not even sure how they managed to save earth this time