#i think of the ideas first for steter then write it for different fandoms

[infiniteeight8]

Fic Writer 20 Questions

Tagged by @sweaterkittensahoy

I have two AO3 accounts (infiniteeight and crimsonquills) because I switched pseuds due to a troll in a fandom like, 10 or 15 years ago. So for AO3 stats questions, first number is infiniteeight, second number is crimsonquills, total in parentheses. The crimsonquills number is misleading, though--only about half my works written under that pseud are uploaded.

How many works do you have on AO3? 426 + 235 (661)

What's your total AO3 word count? 584,163 + 721,769 (1,305,932)

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, IronStrange (MCU), Steter (Teen Wolf), and LazyTown. I have a lot of formerly serious fandoms, and I've dabbled in even more. There are 21 listed on infiniteeight and 28 on crimsonquills, to give you an idea, and that's not a complete list.

Top Five Fics by Kudos

For infiniteeight AO3 handle (all of these are Clint/Coulson, which makes sense, since it's the biggest fandom I've been in for the past 12 years):

Trump Card 

Relief 

Made Omega 

A House is Not a Home 

Five People Who Flinched From Phil and the One Person Who Never Did

For my crimsonquills AO3 handle (this is a little misleading--I have some very popular stories on this handle that aren't on AO3, though I keep meaning to upload them):

Full Body Workout (Steve/Tony, comic Avengers)

A Meeting of Minds (Steve/Tony, comic Avengers)

Beneath the Armor  (Steve/Tony, comic Avengers)

A Light To Guide You (Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon, The Phantom Menace)

Doubts  (Steve/Tony, comic Avengers)

Good grief, only now have I realized that my most popular Man from UNCLE fic (The Mirror, Mirror Affair) is not on AO3! I was certain it was. It looks like *none* of my MFU fics are on AO3. Oops? I really have to fix that...

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I went through a period where I was very sporadic about it, but now I reply to them all. I'm even going through and answering old comments that have been there, unanswered, for years. The responses I've gotten from folks receiving a reply anywhere from a few months to 8 years later have been lovely. :D

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely no heartbeat detected (IronStrange, true Drabble). I don't normally write much angst, and when I do, it's always with a happy ending. But that one was a prompt.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't think I can actually pick one? Almost all of my fics have happy endings!

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope. Which surprises me, honestly, because I've written plenty of tropes that other people get hate for all the time.

Do you write smut?

Yes! In fact, before I started writing the daily ficlets, I was primarily known as a smut writer. Almost everything I wrote was smutty. I find it kid of amusing that the drabbles have changed that.

Craziest Crossover?

Has to be the Band of Brothers/Terminator crossover. It's only posted on my old livejournal, but I'll upload it to AO3 one day and just watch people goggle at it. LOL.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. The closest that I know of is someone who copied the entire first chapter (or couple of chapters?) of one of my more popular fics and then took it in a totally different direction. I contacted them and they were apologetic--the meant to go back and rewrite the beginning once they were done with their version, but they never finished it. They put a note and an inspired by tag on it after I contacted them, and that was fine with me.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many times! Translations are always welcome.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yup! A couple times, although it's not something I do regularly.

All time favorite ship?

Hmmm. Difficult question. Longest lasting active ship is Steter, but all time favorite? I think it might be Marcus Cole/Neroon (Babylon 5).

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

This is a weird question for me, because I don't really work on more than one thing at a time, except for brief pauses on epic fics to knock out something short. And if I start to lose steam on a story I'm writing, there's not really a "doubt" phase. I either believe I will finish it, or it gets trunked and I don't consider it a WIP anymore, because it is no longer "in progress", it's just abandoned.

What are your writing strengths?

Characterization! I've had many compliments in this area.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Visual description, definitely.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Peppering in other language words to remind me of a character's background and for flavour is useful, but writing entire sentences in another language knock me right out of the story. If I have to check a footnote or hover text to know what they're saying, I instantly lose immersion.

Other language text that you can figure out from context is better than footnotes, but in my experience people rarely do it well.

First fandom you wrote in?

Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was on paper (one of those yellow note pads), but I never shared it with anyone. First fandom I actually posted in might have been Star Trek: Voyager? Or possibly Stargate: SG1. I'm not actually sure which came first. I have the stories (I think), but they aren't dated.

Favorite fic you've written?

Oh, gosh, I'm not sure. Maybe Patterns (Marcus/Neroon)? I've written better stories and more popular ones, but I have a soft spot for that one.

Tags (very optional): @airas-story. Um, anyone else? I am bad at remembering people.

[mikaharuka]

Slash Ships to Get to Know Me

Bleep (@bleepbloopbotz) resurrected this tag game from the depths of her notifications and tagged me and Annie (@udaberriwrites) on it, and of course, Annie being Annie went and tagged me too, so yay~

It got me thinking a bit, and I figured I might as well, since I never actually sat down and listed all the ships I had - slash and femslash alike. I'm only listing the major slash ones for now, but I'll continue my list beyond that... for real, though, I need to do this same exercise for my femslash ships (yes, I saw your tag, Annie, and will get to it soon!)

**Rules**: Name at least five (no upper limit) slash (M/M) ships you love. Each from a different fandom. (Sadly, I have no pictures here).

1 - Twilight & Life and Death

I'd be pretty remiss if I didn't mention the two slash ships I'm actually writing right now - Carlisle/Beau (MM Bellisle) and Edward/Mike. Being the only writer of the former ship (as of today) is quite the interesting experience! At first, they were just convenient characters to carry out worldbuilding plans... but jokes on me. I became a massive shipper as I wrote and I suckered Annie into them too XD

2 - Teen Wolf

I need to mention both my slash OTP, Steter (Peter/Stiles), as well as the Sterek (Derek/Stiles) ship that is so popular and well-known. I almost chose Teen Wolf as the fandom for my concept instead of the Twilight/Life and Death combination I settled on, and if I had, I'd be writing Steter and my femslash Teen Wolf OTP, Allydia, right now.

3 - Fire Emblem Three Houses

I'd also be pretty remiss if I didn't mention the slash ship that got me writing fanfiction in the first place - Ferdibert (Hubert/Ferdinand). I have no idea what about these two managed to get me writing after 15+ years of silent lurking, but they somehow did and I'm grateful, since it ended up in me being here, meeting so many lovely people!

4 - NBC Hannibal

Quite a few people know how I love the Hannigram (Hannibal/Will) ship - and I love that it's canon. It's the perfect darker ship for me! Heck, fun fact - I was heavily influenced by NBC Hannibal's fantasy-like sequences when I wrote Apricity's Azure Mystique dreamscape!

5 - Scum Villain (SVSSS)

You know what's interesting? Scum Villain is the only MXTX novel I've read, despite MDZS and TGCF being way more popular. I'm quite the fan of the main ship Bingqiu/Bingyuan (Luo Binghe/Shen Yuan), but I also love the dark ship that is original Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan.

6 - Ace Attorney

Decided to end this list with one of my more lighter, older, and cuter ships in Narumitsu/Wrightworth (Miles Edgeworth/Phoenix Wright). Also, Momo is selling me on Klapollo (Apollo Justice/Klavier Gavin), so there's that! I love Ace Attorney in general and I'm pretty confident Capcom was intentionally making the whole thing ridiculously gay lol

...

You know, looking at this, I noticed two similarities across all of them.

First, that they all have at least a shade of darker themes among them. Heck, even Ace Attorney's Narumitsu isn't free of the ambiguity either, with the angst and all.

Second... I strongly favor the magical and supernatural stuff. I mean... there are vampires in #1, werewolves in #2, dark magic in #3, magical themes despite technically not being that in #4, heavenly demons and cultivation in #5, and the sheer absurdity present in #6

Tagging @udaberriwrites @axolotlsupremacyowo @alpaca-clouds @sliebman10 @0nelittlebirdtoldme @mrsmungus and the open tag for anyone else interested.

[mirrorthoughts]

20 questions for fic writers!

I saw @lavender-lotion do this and thought, might as well have some fun with it 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

AO3 says it's 44, buuut only 30 are actually different stories. the other 14 are translations of my own works (aka the same story but in German) so I don't count them.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

149,030 and holy shit when did that happen <.<... (well, there are also the 14 translations in that number, but yeah)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly Teen Wolf and a bit of Assassin's Creed

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wolf Heart Intruder Loyality Not afraid Come Back With Me

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, because I love that people love my stuff and I want to show them that I love it xD

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhm. I'm more of a fluff writer, sooo... I think the angstiest would be Dead on Time just because it hints at something that might happen in the next part?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think currently most of my fics have about the same kind of happy endings oO...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet and I hope it stays that way.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes I do and I think the one that's currently still the craziest is the sci-fi-ish Teen Wolf Murderbot AU/pobably crossover <.<...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not yet and I hope it stays that way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not from someone else but I do translate my own fics German <--> English

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Steter 😂

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I currently intend to finish all my WIPs 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have great ideas especially for knitting situations together and "explain away" (plot) inconsistencies

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping details like time or something that someone (already) said consistent especially over longer fics, my own time management when I commited to posting fic chapters of an unfinished fic 😂, writing "into the blue" without a plan where it'll go or end

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Sure, as long as there's a translation at the end (or enough context to infer what's been said)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Vision of Escaflowne

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Uff, that's a hard one. I don't have any fics written I actually dislike and only a couple I like less than the rest. I do love my current projects but I think one of my favorites will always be Not Afraid - even though, or maybe especially because when I wrote it I had even less knowledge of canon than I have now 😂 But it still reads well and I have fond memories of the writing process!

Tagging everyone who wants to do this :3

Also, a blank version below the cut!

20 questions for fic writers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[steterismylife]

I recently beat Pokemon Sun and I got my ice type Ninetails!!! :D Her name is Angel and I love her. I went into the “Elite Four” unprepared but I beat it amazingly. 

Stiles beats the game with high level pokemon. He has trained his ass off to get to the battle tree and he battles Blue then almost dies. He hates the game for a while and sets it aside.

This causes Peter to catch up with his whole “starter team” and he gets through everything pretty easily. Only loving on his first starter. He soon gets to the battle tree and just beats red with his eyes shut.

He hasn’t told Stiles this and he begins to go online to challenge random people. He begins winning almost everyone until he is put face to face with Stiles. Honestly, he wanted to win and tried to do everything in his power to do so but it just didn’t happen. Stiles used better stageries that made Peter impressed.

The battle ended with his screen saying he lost and he went to put the game away. Going over to Stiles to watch the other over his shoulder. “Having fun?” Peter mumbles his question and startles Stiles.

“Oh! I just beat this guy that had all starters on his team! It was cool!” Stiles praised and Peter smiled warmly.

At least he was cool even though he lost. 

He leaned down and kissed Stiles cheek before going to the kitchen. Maybe he’ll play again later.

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Can I ask something? It's going to be confusing, because I am hella confused. I've read and loved your Teen Wolf meta. I dunno if you ever commented on this (have looked, but couldn't find anything), but it's been baffling me for a while:

Teen Wolf creators were insistent on making Derek/Kate a legitimate couple, narrating it as if they were exes instead of victim and rapist. Which is disturbing. They had Derek as 19 in the pilot (so he was 13 during their "relationship") and later with the deaged episode they changed it to he was 16. Doesn't sit well with me, since they kinda kept promoting from the beginning of TW the idea that 16 year olds are old enough to make responsible decisions, so if Derek was 16, then he's responsible for his family's death for thinking with his dick? That's what's implied, imo, and enforced with how he was always painted as villain/antagonist. It's disturbing. TW then gave Derek a second "love interest" in the form of Jennifer/Julia. Who was Kali's emissary and lover and certainly not Derek's age. (Probably twice his age. Not that I can oppose age difference when I'm a shipper of both Steter and Sterek, but, you know, in-universe she's considered "Derek's age", and there's something wrong with that lack of acknowledgement that I can't put into words.) Though then at least he wasn't a minor, he was still vulnerable, used, and there was implication in the show that the "relationship" was helped along with magic.

Both cases are not unexpected from a tone-deaf show like TW.

But what baffles me and has me wondering is fandom. Do a lot if fanfic writers tend do look at these two relationships as legitimate in their fic or does it only seem like it to me? Why do they do so?

Especially when they're so ready to ignore Paige's existence, and are so eager to have Derek in Sterek fanfic be only 2/3/4 or 5 years older than Stiles but the writers then act like he's double or triple Stiles' age, from the way they're writing and exaggerating the age difference? (I'm the most confused when they put the age difference at only 2 years and they have the Sheriff react like Derek is 30, harping on about "underage!".)

I recently saw an AU fic where Derek was 21, Kate his same age girlfriend and burned the family. Author didn't seem to understand the implications here.

Another fic had Jennifer be Derek's first love, and they painted it as a normal relationship. It... The author disregarded *Paige* (they explicitly mentioned her asking him out and him saying no), but went with the canonically insane murder-hobo witch that likely bespelled him?? O_o

What I'm trying to say is, these are manipulative older women unconcerned with consent, and it disturbs me that these two canon "relationships" in particular are accepted by a lot of fans?? Like, why would you legitimise it, by having them be Derek's same-age girlfriend or wife and mother of his children or something along those lines? What's the pull here? Am I seeing things? Exaggerating? What am I missing?

You're so good at pulling things apart enough to make sense, Disco, maybe you can help me understand? TY!

DW: There's no easy answer for this, but where I've seen this, it's mostly AUs, and it's certainly not Derek/Kate endgame.

So in that scenario, a lot of authors are looking for someone for Derek to be in a bad relationship with--and Kate and Jennifer are already right there. Why reinvent the wheel?

I think that, generally speaking, this isn't writers overlooking the canon skeeviness of Kate/Derek and Jennifer/Derek. This is just repackaging it for an AU, where chances are the whole underage thing with Kate never happened, and neither did Jennifer's spells.

And I honestly don't know how much older Jennifer is than Derek, but I will say that as long as they're both over the age of consent (and they meet as adults, after all) there's nothing wrong with it. She could be thirty. She could be fifty. She could be centuries old for all we know. But both her and Derek are adults. I don't think age is the issue with Jennifer, is all I'm saying. After all, how much older was Noshiko than Ken? And their relationship was, to all appearances, healthy.

I think the problem is that you're seeing these stories as "legitimising" unhealthy relationships. In an AU, what does it matter if Jennifer was Derek's first love and it was a happy and consenting relationship? The whole point of an AU is to change things and see how it all shakes out differently. And when it's *not* a healthy relationship, like most of Derek/Kate, then, quite simply, depiction doesn't equal legitimisation.

But honestly, a lot of the issues around canon age is that it's as changeable as the weather. In the pilot script, Derek is 19. That's a three year age gap with Stiles. But suddenly the fire happened either a few years ago or ten years ago. So was Derek a teenager with Kate, or was he nine? Is he three years older than Stiles, or a decade?

Time is an illusion. In Teen Wolf, even more so, because Jeff Davis was lazy as fuck and didn't bother pin down a timeline.

[meggie-stardust]

Fic writing lightning round:

-What fandoms have you written fics for?

-Do you have any original stuff?

-What's your oldest fic?

-What story are you most proud of?

-What stories are in the works?

-Where can I read your stuff?

hey thanks for the ask! <3

-What fandoms have you written fics for? oh gosh, too many to name over the last 20 years I've been active in fandom. Sometimes, I've just written a short drabble or something in a fandom, or started a WIP but never finished it...

According to AO3, my top fandoms are: 1. Teen Wolf 2. Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus 3. Sherlock (BBC) 4. Merlin

-Do you have any original stuff? Not that's published anywhere. I have a lot of docs with half fleshed out ideas, but nothing that's gotten anywhere. And I'm ok with that. I like writing fic for fun, and I have to write a decent amount of quasi-creative stuff for work, so I'm good with the balance I have.

-What's your oldest fic? I legitimately don't know. The first fic I actually wrote would have been in 2000/2001 and probably posted to either a yahoo! mailing list or to the Gundam Wing Addiction message boards... And I have no idea what that was. Around that time, I would have also posted stuff to ffn but I am pretty sure i purged that account.

After a fandom break, I returned to fandom and posted my first fic to AO3 on 3 Jan 2022 called Three Words, which was a drabble and a more or less real time reaction to "A Scandal in Belgravia" which aired two days prior, so I guess I hit my 10 year anniversary of my return to fandom this year.

-What story are you most proud of? I feel like this changes every time I post something new, but I'm really proud of At This Truth We Have Arrived, which was just posted this month. I think I had different take on some of the common tropes in Steter fic, and I think that I've really found my voice over the last year or so.

-What stories are in the works? I'm working on the 3rd story in the Our Love Keeps The Things It Finds universe (with a 4th and 5th one in early planning stages). I've also been kicking around another sequel to a one shot a wrote a few years back...

I'm also aware that Secret Santa time is fast approaching, so I'm trying to think about things I could possibly create for that. I've participated since 2016...

-Where can I read your stuff? I'm Wreck on AO3, and I have a secondary tumblr that I haven't used in a while, but there are some tumblr fics floating around on @wreckwrites as well...

Thanks for asking all this! <3

[theiceemperor]

1/3 "I’ve yet to encounter a Scott fan who would say that only Stiles and others make mistakes and Scott is flawless. Also there's the fact that I’ve yet to see some pro-Scott fan call anyone on the imaginary other side names" That's a blatant lie, and you know it. The Scott fans you reblogged this post from for example are well known racist, ableist bullies who routinely stalk and harass Stiles, Derek, Sterek, Steter and Thiam fans and anyone who doesn't worship the ground Scott walks on

2/3 or writes non Scott centric fics, and spend all their time targeting newbies and vilifying, demonizing and obsessively hating on Stiles and Derek in an attempt to prop Scott up. They also luv to accuse anyone who dislikes Scott, or prefers other characters to Scott, or dares to point out/criticize Scott's canon abusive actions and behavior of "racism" in order to gaslight them into silence. Users princeescaluswords and liliaeth have been doing it for years now: harassing non Scott fans

3/3 Users princeescaluswords and liliaeth have been doing it for years now: harassing non Scott fans in their own tags and fandom space and hating on Stiles and Derek just because they are everyone's favorite (including the whole cast's) and eclipsed Scott from day one without even trying. There are plenty of receipts of their toxic behaviour on internet, so it's kinda hard to believe you you never noticed... It's more likely you condone them because they harass people over your personal fav

//////

Before I start: once again, my opinion is my opinion, I don't want to offend anyone, I don't want to be rude to anyone. I'm merely explaining my point of view.

Anyway. Before I truly start, let's tag the people mentioned. Can I tag them? Scratch that, it's my response, I don't have to ask anyone and people should know when someone's talking about them.

@liliaeth @princeescaluswords (I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with this, but as I stated, I'd like to know if somebody was talking about me.)

And now, we can start responding to the ask!

First. Are... are we talking about the same people? Are we? Because I've spent quite a lot of time browsing throught their blogs, reading their (quite long and explanatory) posts about the Teen Wolf fandom.

Now, I have absolutely no idea where did you came to the conclusion that these people are racists, especially when they're literally defending the characters of color in the show? (And yeah, I know that racism is described as “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized” but come on. People liking white, problematic dudes is a thing and no one can deny that.)

That they're ableist? Please, explain how? Because I've never seen them use Stiles' ADHD as an argument.

Hey! Just as I'm writing this, the anon (at least I assume it's still the same one) sent me a submision:

Talk about harassment https://liliaeth.tumblr.com/post/663090045411082240/its-funny-how-some-people-are-so-utterly-wrong

Tell your gross Scott McCall defense squad friend @liliaeth to stop targeting newbies and harassing an autistic person just because they don't worship the ground her shitty fav Scott walks on please? Thank you

Aaand my response is: Yeah, I admit that making a point could go without some words. But, I'm also going to refer to this post, where @liliaeth explains what they personally have against Stiles.

Anyway, let's continue.

Let's talk about the harassing and stalking. I don't know how their Tumblr works. Personally, Tumblr suggest for me the 'possible interesting posts' when there are tags I use, obviously. That means that I'm seeing a lot of both negative and positive opinions in the Teen Wolf/Stiles Stilinski/Scott McCall etc. tags.

Now, the internet isn't private. What you post, that's here for all people to see. It's kind of expected that people will react. But I wouldn't say that they're “stalking” because for me, it stalking doesn't look like that.

The same goes for the harassing, but as I said earlirer, I admit that they could leave out some words. Though, as I see it, it's still not as bad as what they've sometimes recieved.

(Also I personally don't really like Theo, but that's a conversation for another time. That also doesn't mean that I'm about to hate on people who like him.)

But let me just ask: If they're both so against the characters/ships, then why are they reblogging content with it? Just as I'm writing this, @liliaeth reblogged this, for example. Three days ago @princeescaluswords reblogged this.

How I see it is, that both @liliaeth and @princeescaluswords are explaining their points of view in their posts. And yeah, maybe sometimes they say something a little harsh, but them being abusive? Ableist? Racist?

I don't see it. Yes, they're explaining why they like Scott and why they think anti-Scott fans are wrong, but they're also not forgetting Scott's flaws and mistakes. Or gaslighting fans whose fav isn't Scott into silence, as you put it.

So, yeah. Call me biased, call me crazy, I don't really care. I'm just saying how I see it, and how I interpreted posts and words of these people.

My conclusion?

My point from the reblogged post you've reacted to still stands. Though, I admit, I'm changing the statement in the bracket: I think that yes, some Scott fans have been harsh to the people on the other side, but not straight up mean. (But note that this is also quite individual: for some people being rude/mean can (and does) mean something different than for other people.)

Also, @liliaeth and @princeescaluswords please don't consider this as a hate on you from me. It's NOT meant like that. I agree with many of your opinions/points. I really don't want you to think that this was written to bring you down or anything.

(Also I hope I haven't misgendered any of you. I tried to stick with 'they' but if you're not comfortable with that, please send me a message and I'll rewrite it!)

(Here goes my assurance and expressing my feeling issues.)

[princeescaluswords]

All You Could Want

I couldn’t help but think of @alan713ch​ ‘s post here that I reblogged.  I have no doubt that it is utterly true, but I always think that these things can be better with a concrete example.  And there’s no better example than how the Teen Wolf fandom totally slept on the Scott and Kira romance.

Oh, yes, it had it’s adherents, but it was never passionately embraced by the fandom.  Scott and Kira, if you count them being together from their first date in Galvanize (3x15) were a couple for forty-two episodes, longer than any other relationship on the show.  And yet they have less stories on AO3 than the Canon relationship of Boyd and Erica, which lasted at the most like 8 episodes (and that’s stretching it) and ridiculously fewer stories than the big three white m/m relationships -- Sterek, Steter, and Thiam. 

(And before anyone gets their undies in a bundle -- I’m not excluding myself from this criticism.  I’m not pointing at any individual person and saying you should write Scott x Kira.  I’m talking about numbers.  I’m talking about trends.)

But if you look at it closely, the canon relationship touched on every single major romantic trope that populates fan fiction.  You can barely read a Sterek, Steter, or Thiam fiction that doesn’t incorporate one of these tropes.  Let’s look at the list:

Opposition from friends: “ Scott, no way. Until we figure out if she's just another psychotic monster that's going to start murdering everybody, I vote against any and all interaction.”   

Opposition from family: “Foxes and wolves tend not to get along, not just in fables and stories.”

Inability to express their feelings:  “So if you die down here, are you going to regret not kissing your girlfriend?” 

Obstructive trauma from the past: “I guess it's supposed to be part of her. But now it looks... Differently. Almost like it's taking over. I don't know. Something's happening. And to be honest ... I don't know if I could trust her anymore.”

One lover forced to torture the other: “ Your hand goes here. So, let me explain what's about to happen. This one, the fox, has an immunity to electricity. So she's going to turn the dial on the Alpha."

Mind-controlled lover trying to kill the other: “He's been through quite a lot without ever having to kill. I think it's time to change that.”

Fortifying belief:  “Me again. I have to leave. But I'm coming back to help. I promise. Because you're right, Scott. If anyone's going to save Mason, it's you. It's us.”

Unwilling separation:  “I made a deal with them. And I need to. It's not for my parents. It's not for you. It's for me.”

It’s like the Greatest Hits of Romantic Plotlines.   And yet, something about this relationship didn’t spark the fandom’s imagination.   You see the relationship isn’t just seriously neglected, it’s disparaged.  The criticisms run like this:

Kira is a replacement for Allison, even though the dynamic wasn’t the same and her actions weren’t the same. 

Kira is a “placeholder for a certain type of villain.”  

Scott isn’t over Allison. (This is one of the favorite of the Sterek/Steter crew because they fixate on Scott’s supposed obsession with Allison because it’s how they attack Scott’s decisions in Season 1 and 2.   If Scott was able to move on from Allison while not forgetting about her, their claim that the only reason Scott didn’t bow to the Hales was his obsession with a hunter’s daughter gets undermined.  If they can’t blame it on Scott’s hormones or stupidity, they have to face the fact that the Hales were violent thugs, and Scott was right to tell them to get lost.)

Kira is boring, because dealing with the fact that she’ll outlive everyone she knows and can drain the electricity from an entire city doesn’t seem interesting.

Their relationship is saccharine.  (Note that when Liam breaks Theo’s nose three times, it’s passion, but when Kira throws Scott in The Maid of Gevaudan, it’s ... missed.)

Scott spends too much time pursuing Kira and not enough time doing his job.  Which isn’t his job.  

They don’t have chemistry.   Yeah, sure.  

Kira doesn’t give Scott what he needs.  (I still don’t truly get this one, but I think it means that Kira was supportive of Scott when he needed it without sarcasm or helpful criticism of how he could be a better alpha, as every other person he loved constantly gave him.  The idea that someone could just have faith in Scott without questioning his competence just doesn’t fit -- though blind faith in Derek’s leadership, Peter’s competence, or Theo’s inherent goodness is a major part of the big three romances.)

I’m citing this, not to tell people who to ship, but to support the argument that minority ships -- especially where both participants are minorities -- tend to be overlooked and neglected, most often for the two closest white people.  That behavior and tropes are recognized in ships in which both participants are white.  It’s simply another fandom thing.

BUT IT’S NOT RACISM.

[lavender-lotion]

3, 4, 16 (DON'T say cherik), 22, 28

oh my god i absolutely hate you for asking me these aha you’re my favourite person in the entire world 

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

to date, it’s been X-Men (alt timeline movies, ofc) despite the rocky beginning I had. in this fandom I’ve learned so much about my own writing, and my writing style has grown SO greatly since I first joined and has taken shape into... well whatever the hell it is now, which is something I really like (most of the time)!

I fairly quickly created a small, tight circle of people I really enjoy being around in this fandom, and have since cultivated my own little fandom space that I really, really enjoy. it’s filled with people I love chatting with, people as open-minded as accepting as I am, and it’s a place that I strive to make feel welcoming for all who join, as well! I run an 18+ X-Men Alternative Timeline Movies focused discord, so if you’re interested, join us here! 

I am trying to branch back out into The Fandom a little more after feeling a type of way for some time, and I’m honestly enjoying that a lot too! it’s been interesting to follow some more folk, and I’m really happy to see my dash start to thicken up after being close to barren for so long. 

currently, I have a small group of close friends I care a great deal for (hi, Mid!) that has absolutely made this fandom into one of the best i’ve been involved in. 

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

very very very simplified and slightly unture answer: no. every single bad experience has taught me something that I’ve carried into my other fandom experiences, just like life lmao, but for more of a meaty answer to this question: yes. 

so much yes. 

I have SO MUCH regret around teen wolf, actually, for so many different reasons, but I’ve also learned SO much. seeing a server ran in a way I Did Not Like has helped me better mod my own fandom spaces, and I am very anti-totalitarianism and am VERY against showing abject favouritism to specific members, while I also always try incredibly hard to ensure no one feels ignored. I was reminded of how finicky friendships are, and learned not to be the person who puts in the sole work to keep ‘em going (and how to recognize if I am) because... when you stop the friendship might stop, too. I learned NOT to hit on close friends, no matter how much I might want to, and I learned the importance of open, clear and precise communication in romantic endeavours, which was actually a very good life lesson because I’d never been in a situation that could teach me it before. I’ve learned, or, am LEARNING, not to let personal experiences with one-on-one relationships taint my view of a fandom—this one is hard, and is something I am trying very, very hard to work through as I’ve recently been hit with a very strong and very sudden wave of inspiration for teen wolf.

but like, with that all said, I still absolutely LOVE the teen wolf fandom and have had so many amazing amazing amazing experiences that I wouldn’t change for all the bad, and that the bad experiences are really localized to the ship-focused spaces I was in and the personal relationships that I had, NOT with the fandom as a whole which I am slowly dipping my toes back into! I learned so much about myself and my writing during my time in the fandom, and that is another thing I absolutely wouldn’t change for the world. I am over the moon that I’m writing here again, honestly, and the reception I’ve gotten has been SO insanely amazing. 

starker is another one I regret-but-don’t-totally-regret-because-I-learned-shit. starker taught me the importance of 18+ fan spaces, and showed me what can happen when people... aren’t careful. when mods are minors themselves. I learned that cross-generational nsfw spaces are a RED flag, and that they mean GET OUT, and that anyone who would willingly allow minors and adults to mingle over explicit content are people I Do Not Want To Be Around. I learned a lot about myself there on an interpersonal scale, and I found out a lot about my sexuality and kink preferences, too (which was a wild time). while I do very much enjoy the lessons I learned from being in the space I was in, I could do without some of the more negative things I witnessed, even if they taught me a lot. 

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

SINCE I CAN’T SAY CHERIK I’m going to have to dig a little deeper and talk about Sterek, lmao. I was really, really, really into Sterek starting around... 2014? I read... fuck tons. absolutely insane amounts of Sterek fic. and I wanna say... around 2015? maybe? there was a really popular trope in Sterek, wherein Derek would push Stiles away (by being mean, by pretending to date one of the Pack (usually Erica), by bullying him, by telling him the pack didn’t want him, etc, etc) so that he could... keep Stiles safe? it almost always went the same way. there is a threat no one told Stiles about, Derek did “what he had to do” to keep Stiles safe (i.e cutting him off from all his friends and massive, obvious crush) and then when Stiles got hurt, the pack would come to his rescue and save him (only after Stiles got a little beat up), and then Derek would care for him, or not leave his side, or check up on him, and Stiles would wonder why he cared after everything that had happened and... bam. Derek would admit his undying love. And Stiles would just like forgive him and they’d get together and be happily ever after as a pack and...

that was so damaging lmao??? I can’t even tell you how many fics fitting into this trope that I read, to the point where I was like... “wow Derek loves Stiles so much he’s such an amazing person for keeping him safe by pushing him away and making him feel isolated and alone and hated” BUT LIKE WHAT. WHAT. that’s horrible??? so so so horrible??? I am so fucking thankful it isn’t something I really saw too much of when I came back around to the fandom around 2017, but.... oh boy. for a ship that I considered an OTP and read like the entire tag of, I have VERY few sterek fics of substance (when compared to the rest of my teen wolf writing) and this is the reason why. 

this trope and it’s absolutely ludicrous popularity a few years ago really, really turned me off the ship. 

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

content-wise: no. very, very easy no. I don’t regret any of the pairings or kinks I’ve written & I don’t think I ever will (I’m very anti-shame, lmao. if you like it, flaunt it). 

but... I do regret some of the emotional labour I’ve put into works? the emotional attachment I have with certain fics, or genres, or pairings, and how I’ve tied them to a specific person or persons. like, I can’t write ageplay anymore, because of how strong the association of ageplay is to someone I cared for deeply and no longer have in my life (and even if I ever manage to write it in general, I’ll never be able to write Steter ageplay). I have 13k of a fic that was supposed to be a surprise gift to a close friend that I hadn’t heard from in... ages, to the point where I gave up on sending the occasional monthly-message. I have one thing I wrote for a dear friend (who never interacted with it) and now I can’t help but feel like the story is awful, despite not doing horrifically stat-wise.  

I write because I love it. I write for people I care about, because writing is a labour of love, and it’s a way I can show them how much I care for them, but... sometimes that bites me in the ass, I guess. 

I’m working on it, lol. 

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

god okay there is NOTHING better than the idea of this. I’ve had a few mood boards made for me here and there, which are always SO loved and cherished and massively appreciated down to my BONES, but I don’t know if I’ve... ever really gotten fan art? I had someone make some really, really cool like... OG bit-moji type art of a couple of my fics, which is amazing and I have it on my phone still, and @hd-hale once drew me a GORGEOUS sheriff stilinski inspired by Daddies’R’Us, but to get FAN ART i would CRY lmao

right now, I think something from to love and be loved by you would feel really, really extra special because even at 6/17 chapters posted, it’s my longest work ever. what would it be a picture of?? hell if i fucking know but probably something that hasn’t happened yet, lmao

[gingersnapwolves]

someone legit said "I know you can do better" on one of your fics???

well, technically they said the following:

so, yeah, basically.

A couple notes:

The complaint about the ending is not baseless. The ending is kind of rushed and looking back on it, I could have written a better version of it. This was one of the earlier fics I wrote (see timestamp, Jan 2014), and so I will fully cop to the fact that people who complained about the ending (and yes, there was more than one) were not wrong

that being said, complaining about it was still a shit thing to do

IDEK why she thought Derek was a pussy in this fic and tbh I don’t care. I have received many complaints over the years that I don’t write Derek as the macho aggressive manly wolf man that he is. What can I say? I like him in soft sweaters with thumb holes, taking care of plants and being a gigantic softy. Is it OOC? Yeah, probably. I maintain that in different circumstances, he could become that way. His protectiveness could easily become gentleness. I love my soft mountain man. Don’t read my stuff if you don’t like it.

regarding it being nothing like DWS and her thinking it would be like DWS but from a different POV, the author’s note at the very beginning literally states: “Beyond the fact that it’s based off the same prompt, this fic is not related to DWS in any way. In fact, I’ve worked very hard to make it as unlike DWS as possible”

so, you know

suck it, jerk

lastly, it’s possibly important to realize that almost five years later, I still remember this comment. I was able to immediately go to the fic and find it to post here. This shit sticks to authors more than a hundred nice comments. This is the stuff that makes fic authors stop writing. I’m old and grouchy and have attained a pretty thick skin over years of wank, but this particular comment came at about the same time as a very nasty review of TSOIP (“utter shite”, I still remember that one very well too) and although it did not drive me out of the Teen Wolf fandom, it actually did nudge me away from Sterek

Up to that point I had written TSOIP (Sterek-ish at the beginning, later full Sterek), DWS (Sterek), One Door Closes (Sterek), I’m Still up and Driving (Sterek), Tangled Webs (gen with a hint of Sterek flavor), and To Those Who Wait (Sterek)

The next two fics I wrote? Sympathy for the Devil and Something I Can Never Have, two of my first Steter fics. Plus Get Off (me), which had been mainly smut, became a more serious, in-depth fic.

(This was in part because I started to shy away from writing Derek, due to complaints mentioned above.)

I mean, I did get back into writing Sterek, probably in large part because I got the idea for the second installment of TSC, which was very popular, and then I got into Petopher, which often paired well with Sterek (like a fine wine), so yeah. It didn’t drive me out of the Sterek fandom. But it could have, very easily. Ten years previous it almost certainly would have, because believe me, before I was on anxiety medication, that sort of comment would have left me in a spiral for weeks. 

tl;dr a negative comment will fester inside a writer’s brain with a weight that a hundred compliments cannot compare to

tl;dr part two don’t be a jerk

[areiton]

favorite re-reads

The world feels especially hard right now in America and I can’t imagine watching us is super reassuring to our friends in other countries. And when I’m especially overwhelemd, I like to re-read my favorites. So--sharing is caring, right? Here’s my favorite rereads. What are yours???

~*~*~ 

give me back my bones | Sterek

Derek meets Stiles on a Wednesday. He comes in for his usual cup of coffee and somehow walks out with hot chocolate, cinnamon on the top, and no idea what just happened there.

This fic was recommended by @destimushi when I was first thinking about getting into Teen Wolf and it's this one that made me fall in love with the world. It's written by one of my favorite authors from the Star Trek fandom and entirely to blame for my love affair with Teen Wolf. And I like to go back to the lovely coffee shop AU on occasion because there is nothing like your first.

~*~

save me by @thisdiscontentedwinter | Steter

Peter is the Alpha.

He's nobody's savior.

Not his pack's. Not his town's. And not that kid's.

But sometimes salvation goes both ways.  

I love Steter, and I really fucking love the way Disco writes Peter here. But more than that--Stiles in this is so broken and hurt and that's pretty rare. I liked how it was handled and how Peter and Stiles helped each other heal. Plus, that scene in the pool with Peter and Stiles makes me ache every time I read it.

~*~

hide of a life of war  by Etharei | Sterek

“We have received confirmation that there is a hostage situation in progress at a warehouse compound two hours out of Los Angeles, following a multiple-vehicle pileup on Highway 101 this morning...”

The one in which Stiles has lived to (legal) adulthood and, along the way, become a bit of a badass himself.

This is just. Amazing and rereading it makes me happy.

~*~ 

by any other name by entanglednow | Sterek 

He doesn't know his name, he doesn't know who he is, and neither does the werewolf he's on the run with. But he's pretty sure they hunt monsters, because they seem to be really good at it.  

hunger and release

Amnesia, badass Sterek, hot sex, protective Derek--there is literally nothing about this fic that I don't love to pieces. And sometimes when I want to read and can't pick something new, I pick this up and it's like a fist bump from an old friend.

~*~ 

alpha complex by Hatteress | Sterek

"Hold still," Stiles says, hand clamping down on the back of Derek's neck to keep him from turning and it's laughable, really – the thought that that would be enough to hold him. Except it is. Because Stiles' fingers are gripping the nape of Derek's neck, pressure sure and hard and Derek- Derek can't fucking breathe.  

This is sexy porn that never gets old. That's it. That's all it is.

~*~

calling home by alchemy | Sterek 

“Send me up a drink,” jokes Major Hale. The count goes on.

Ok, so this is not a fic to read to cheer yourself up. Every time I read it, it leaves me wrecked. It is the only fic I've ever wanted to write a follow up to but seriously, alchemy did such a goddamn amazing job it's not like I can add to it? And the heartbreaking note is what makes the fic, so. Mind the tags, friends.

~*~

parallax by uraniea | Sterek

Parallax: noun. The effect whereby the position or direction of an object appears to differ when viewed from different positions, e.g., through the viewfinder and the lens of a camera.

With the pack (and Stiles) starting college, Derek is bored. He needs a hobby--or a job. Which is how he comes to model for Alpha Studios.

He just never thought Stiles would end up working there too.

This fic. Its the all the sexy of NeckznThroatz with pack growing up and Derek's quiet devotion to Stiles--it's soft and warm and I love it. It's like a warm blanket on really shitty days.

~*~

a quiet night (is not in the cards) by Delightful_I_Am | Sterek

"Derek fucking Hale!"

The shout rang through the bar and for a long moment nobody moved. It was like something out of a movie. Everything just stopped; the music cut off; one of the servers had frozen mid-pour. Grady would have laughed if he weren't holding his breath. The kid straightened his shirt, a glimpse of stomach showing the curling edges of a tattoo on his hip, and strode toward where Hale was sitting in the dark corner. As one, every supe in the place turned to see Hale's reaction; the last person to try to confront Hale in here had left with a broken hand and a whispered threat that the next time Hale would rip their throat out. With his teeth. Unsurprisingly, Hale's face was set in its usual glower, although it seemed a bit softer around the eyes. It took Grady a second to realise Hale knew the kid.

Outsider POV is my weakness and this is one of the first I read and there's some warm nostaglia to it, sure but there's also this--it's fucking gorgeous and the way Derek reacts to Stiles, the furious warmth and caring from Stiles--it's everything I love about them.

~*~

tide pulls from the moon by paintedrecs | Sterek

When Derek left Beacon Hills, finally ripping the tether free and remembering how to breathe, how to live again, it was Stiles who came after him. Stiles, who showed up at his door with blazing eyes, looking like he wanted to punch him in the face, but wrapping his arms around him instead, making him grunt in surprise at the raw strength of his embrace.

“You asshole,” Stiles said, slapping him heartily on the back as he extricated himself, his voice rough under his bright smile. “You couldn’t have made yourself harder to find, could you?”

I love fics where Derek gets out of Beacon Hills. I love even more when Stiles gets out too. This one? This is my favorite and sometimes I open it and read just a bit to make me happy on bad days.

~*~

lead you home again by GotTheSilver | Sterek

The first time Derek meets Stiles, the kid’s brown eyes are wide, and he’s staring up at him with a mischievous grin as he tugs at the arm of Derek’s first ever Batman figure like he’s trying to separate it from Batman’s body.

An alternate take on Teen Wolf, wherein Stiles and Derek are childhood friends, and things unfold from there.

This was slow and sweet and I love it. There's a quiet sort of angst, but there's an inevitability to the story that's beautiful.

~*~

sharing food by aussiebee | Sterek

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." ― M.F.K. Fisher

Or

Derek is pretty much absorbed into the Stilinski family, one meal at a time.

This one is just--it's good feels and fluff. Start to finish, with a sweet sexy ending. I adore it. I think I've reread it six times and it never gets old.

[foxes-and-ravenkings]

Guyyss. I'm getting back into using discord and I just had an idea.

Fanfiction Discord Chat.

Like I'm talking a giant discord for people who write/read fanfiction from any fandom (because it's the only thing I consistently do in fandoms and I want to talk to people that also read/write fanfiction).

It'll start small at first obviously, I'm thinking six. So Marvel, Voltron, Harry Potter, The Foxhole Court, Teen Wolf and Star Wars (these choices are biased (if enough people are interested I'll also make a Hobbit/LotR server)). Each of them will have their own server to start, but eventually I want the bigger ships (i.e. Sterek, Stony, etc.) to have their own servers (I'll put the individual ship servers to a vote). Writer and readers will have different servers too, to keep writing talk and reading talk separate. I'm thinking I'll eventually make a headcanon/theory server for all of them too, but currently Harry Potter is the only one that will get one (because tbh that fandom thrives on things like that).

There will be some ships not allowed in the chat, like Reylo, Starker, Steter and Shidge. I'm making this a safe place to nerd out about fanfiction and ships that are toxic and/or illegal can be triggering and I honestly just don't like them and the fandom discourse that they cause.

So if anyone's interested in this, shoot me a message or an ask and once I'm sure I'm not going to be sat alone in an empty discord chat I'll start making it.

[suis0u]

Who are your favorite ff authors and why?

Uff, this question would be far easier to answer without the ‘why’, ha.

I have some fanfictions authors, whose stories I like to read through and am always excited for new stuff. So, I think that are my.. top five:

@phoenixtakaramono: I’m not sure anymore how I actually found her works some years ago, but I still love both of her stories “Finders Keepers” (Borderlands) and “Green and Gold” (Harry Potter/Inu Yasha). Especially that I ever would read a mix of HP and IY, but I was taken very fast and easily. I like her ideas and of course, her style of writing. It’s kind of atmospheric, playful but elegant, clean and kind of expressive, inspiring… I like her way to describe a scene and make everything very vivid in my mind. Even when she writes fanfiction, I always have the feeling that she creates something completly new, a own world around those characters with her stories, that you don’t even need to know anything about the actually canon or origin stuff. It doesn’t seem to matter. She also became a good friend for me, even when she lives on another continent… and I’m still very happy that we were able to meet that one day in Berlin. ❤️

@nothingbutchaff: I have found their fanfictions few months ago, rather by accident. To that point, I actually haven’t read anything around Rhysothy, but they made me completely fall in love with those two idiots. Exspecially Timothy. I just love the way they write him, Rhys too (and Jack of course, ha). After I’ve read the “How they met themselves” series (Borderlands), I started to read all their other stories and I was inspires. From the way of writing, to the describtion of characters and intense moments between them, small eyecatcher and back to whole scenes. Their stories made me feel a lot, catched me right in and always give me such a fantastic inner cinema. They inspired me a lot and I’m always excited for new stories, even when it’s not to my prefered fandom. I still would read it, because I know it will be a great experience and I will love it. 

@thisdiscontentedwinter​: Is one my favorite Teen Wolf authors. I think her “I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek” story was one of the first Sterek stories I’ve read and still love. I like her ideas for plots and am always pleased to read me through her stories, even a second or third time and more. Her writing is very fluid and easy for me to read, it’s not needlessly complicated and since English is not my first language, I really like that. She’s very good with hit right into the heart with her words and make the reader feel with the characters. She also writes wonderful smut, ha ha~..  and I found my interested in Steter through her. So I’m always thankfull, especially for the one-shot she wrote to one of my artworks. 

standinginanicedress: The first story I’ve read from them was “As the Lights Go Down” (Sterek) and shortly after I started to read me through all their other stories because I just like the atmosphere and mood of their writing. I love the ideas, different AUs and ways to let Stiles and Derek find each other and fall in love again and again and all that kind of stuff. So, when I’m in the mood to read a good Sterek-fanfiction, I mostly go to their AO3 site and reread some of their stories. 

@not-poignant: I have to thank them a lot for bringing me into the Rise of the Guardians/Guardians of Childhood fandom years ago. As I saw the movie for the first time, I looked for fanfictions because I wanted to read something about Jack Frost and hopefully Pitch Black too. So I found “From the Darkness We Rise” and loved the story very fast and started to learn more about the actually story behind Rise of the Guardians and bought the books the movie was based on. They creates wonderful new and own worlds with those given characters and their own characters and it’s always a fantastic walk through a world with magic and faes and wonder when I read on of their stories. 

[helpingmehelpmyself]

Things I Used to Enjoy- March 29, 2021

Gosh, I have so many things going through my head. I miss the days I was able to daydream, read fanfiction, and watch television. I remember the day would go by and I would question where the time went. But it felt like self care to me then and I enjoyed it. Now it feels like a useless distraction that no longer serves its purpose. 

I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I love fanfiction (particularly, Teen Wolf sterek fanfiction. I can also ship steter, starrish, and stackson. I believe they can all compliment Stiles well). I would squeel while reading and get excited every time I found a new fanfiction that fits my criteria. Sometimes I have good days in which I can read fanfiction and fall into the story.

I used to love daydreaming. My imagination is basically a fanfiction with ten or so fandoms running around with some cannon and non-cannon storylines. I liked falling asleep to my daydreams or staring at the wall while I daydreamed. I considered writing my daydreams down and turning them into a fanfiction for Ao3, but part of it feels personal. This is a world I have written and rewritten so many times since I was... 16, maybe? It’s easier to rewrite or follow through a storyline in my head than it is to write it down and focus on details that I never really focused on before. If your curious, my daydream fanfictions include the following fandoms: Teen Wolf, Scandal, Glee, Twilight, The Gentlemen, and Crazy Rich Asians. Occasionally, Beyonce’s Homecoming special and other things will make an appearance. I include most characters from these programs and create some OC’s in my head that have nothing to do with the other fandoms. Sometimes I’ll pluck someone from another place, like Carrie from Sex & The City but combine her with Isabel from Glee and mix up her storyline, or create a character with the appearance of a famous actor, like the original Mr. Fantastic actor.

I loved music. I could listen to music all day and enjoy myself. Sometimes it was the soundtrack to my imagination or I’d have some of my characters sing the songs I was listening to. I would listen to the same songs on repeat and create scenes with them and sometimes I’ll be able to add new music to the mix. If I wanted to listen to an album, I’d sit/lay down in my room and focus on nothing but the album. If there was an artist I liked and wanted to explore more of, I would go through their entire Spotify history and listen to every song at least once. I’d add it to my Liked Songs playlist because I am crap at creating playlists (minus the Boudoir playlist I made last year for my photoshoot, but that’s another story). Almost every song I have ever liked is on my Liked Songs. I think I have over a thousand songs on there, which is pretty decent. I kind of know where every song is located when it’s organized by Recently Added. Minus screamo, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground music or electronic music, I listened to a little of everything. I loved Glee, Hamilton, Meg the Stalion, Kendrick Lamarr, the Civil Wars, early Taylor Swift, American Authors, Secondhand Serenade, G-Eazy, Mulatto, Into the Heights, Moana, Victorious, I could go on. Every song plays a part of my history and I love expanding it.

I can’t really do those things the same anymore and I wish I could. Writing fanfiction sounds like it could be a possibility for me because most of my life, I wanted to be a writer or be an editor. The fear of financial security made me switch to a business major and it didn’t make things any easier I find. I guess more approving nods from other adults about my choice in degree was a plus.

I can’t focus on my own daydreams anymore. It used to give me so much joy but it also reflected my emotions: horny, sad, in love, etc. The fact that I was able to create worlds that don’t exist to anyone but me made me happy. Sometimes when I wanted to be closer to God, I’d even deepen the relationship of some of my characters with God. 

Music doesn’t sound the same anymore. I can’t focus to the point of slipping into happiness often.

I did have a good day the day before yesterday. I decided that maybe listening to the song that always lifted my spirits in the past, whether they needed lifting or not, would help. My song is “Do You Believe in Magic” by Aly & AJ. I don’t know what it is about that song but when I first heard it on Disney Channel when I was little for the movie, Now You See It. Something about that song was and still is special. I was able to sing horribly to the song. I was watching Freaky Friday that day and remembered how much Ultimate by Lindsey Lohan rocked. I was able to listen to that song and daydream a totally new scenario for my mental fanfiction characters. There was so much happiness and positivity in the scene.

That same day, when night fell, I felt so sad I made myself sick and was gagging in the toilet. I convinced myself not to make myself throw up because I don’t want that to become a habit. I don’t want to mentally make myself sick and think that throwing up every time will fix me. I felt like shit for hours later, but I was glad that I didn’t throw up. I knew I was in a bad enough position that I needed company. 2/3 of my best friends and one of their boyfriends showed up at my place, late at night and stayed with me for hours. We’d talk about the issues that were plaguing my mind and about 2 of them moving into a new apartment together. 

I went back and forth from lying in the bathroom and lying in my bed. I don’t know why but whenever I was sick growing up, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel better. I know it is unsanitary and gross, but you get to a point that you don’t care. The bathroom has always felt safe for me. I still remember the first time I did it. My mom, brother, and I lived in an apartment about 20-30 minutes away from where we live now. I was getting ready for school one day and I guess I didn’t feel good. I laid down on the bathroom floor and that’s how my mom found me. She knew that this little 5 or 6 year old that never complained about school wasn’t faking anything. I think after that point, my mom became pretty trusting of me whenever I said I can’t go to school. Whether I was physically sick or needed a mental health day, she let it happen. I didn’t practice this often until I was junior high and high school, but it helped knowing my mom would let me take care of myself however I saw fit. I think she also didn’t want to have to keep taking off of work to pick me up from school.

The issues that brought me to tears were my boyfriend, the love of my life. I have only dated one boy before him. That was back in high school and I liked that I had a boyfriend more than I actually liked my boyfriend. We had been friends for years and were in speech and debate together. I asked him to my prom and, due to a misunderstanding, he never replied. When we realized the misunderstanding, he asked me to his prom (We went to two different schools) which was fun. It was at a country club, his parents had dinner catered to their house for us (very successful accountants) and we got some cute pictures from that night. I found myself bored with the relationship and knew ending it wouldn’t affect my quality of life within that moment. So I did. Now he is happily out as gay with his partner of 3 years and starting Harvard Law in the fall. I kind of like that fact and it made it easier to be friends with him on Facebook and Instagram again.

But back to my current boyfriend, the boy I didn’t think that I would fall for. To make our love story short (I’ll probably go into more in another post), we met on Tinder 2.5 years ago when the guy I was talking to/dating previously decided to go back to his toxic/abusive ex-girlfriend. I was talking to my soon-to-be boyfriend and another guy at the time and my boyfriend was the one that lasted. I remember that I would message every Tinder match with “Aye” because everyone wants the other person to start the conversation or else there won’t be a conversation. He responded with “I love your smile. It’s so positive” and that was my downward spiral. We’re pretty good at communication and we are a good match for each other. We both come from mostly different backgrounds, racially and socially. Sometimes there are things about me he’ll never understand, but making strong friends with people who weren’t racially the same as me kind of prepared me for that. 

Anyways, he wants to be a doctor of osteopathic medicine (still don’t know what that is) and go to med school for it a year after our undergrad. I don’t plan on starting grad school right now because I am not fully sure what I want to do with my career just yet. I’m not going to put myself in more debt or spend more time in school without a reason. Anyways, not many medical schools in our state offer the certification he’d need so he’s even looking at schools out of state. I have always wanted to go with him and support him through it while I start my career, but as that time draws closer, I find myself unsure of myself.

I need a lot of attention and am very sociable. I know when he goes to med school, he won’t be able to give me as much attention and he can’t really be faulted for that. It probably won’t get any easier once he does his residency and beyond. Despite being sociable, I have created a support network of my family and friends (we’ve been together for like 10 years). It’s to a point that I can socialize with other people with the idea that they are going to be acquaintances or somewhat distant friends. I usually know what kind of friend I want people to be before or during meeting them. But my dependency on my support network is so... strong that it kind of messed up a very big job opportunity for me a few years ago. I am afraid of having to make new connections again once we move away. Regardless if he choses a school in our state or not, we’d have to move. I don’t want him to be my only social connection, but am also afraid of making new ones. 

I made a list of all the things that scared me with possible solutions in which moving away with him was on it. I wrote that I would try to connect with coworkers (I can’t imagine and kind of don’t want to be best friends with a coworker. You never know when play ends and work begins) and neighbors. I don’t even talk to my neighbors now. I thought I could bake my famous browned butter salted chocolate chip cookies and share them with people, hoping that it would be the start of something. I’ve picked up random conversations with random people before so hopefully I can still do that (I stopped the whole “don’t talk to strangers” thing when I was like 19). 

These solutions made sense to me and I hoped that by writing it down, I could move on with my life. That wasn’t the case. I became so focused on would by current boyfriend be able to meet my needs in the future and whether I’d be strong enough to let him go if it was impossible. I found myself loving him more than I loved myself and make decisions on bettering myself for him. Covid Vaccine? For him. Finding a good job? For him. I don’t want to love someone else more than I love myself. I don’t want these decisions to be based on another person. I want to chose what is right for me for me and not someone else.  

I wasn’t this way before my boyfriend. I actually avoided being in a relationship for a few years because I didn’t think I’d enter one for the right reason. Usually, I put myself and my happiness first. When I decided I was ready to care for another person, my boyfriend wasn’t the first guy I chose. I didn’t know he’d become the love of my life. I didn’t know that we’d want the same exact thing from our relationship and have active, open communication about or wants and needs from the other person. I craved his attention, always wanted to be around him, and didn’t even stop talking about him our first year together. I am better now, but he still finds way into my conversations because he’s what makes me happy. 

I’m not upset that I love him. I wouldn’t take that back. I just wish that I was enough for myself again in which I could make decisions for me and stand by them. I want to create the life I want and I want him a part of it. But if that’s not God’s Plan, can I let go of him? In all honesty, I’d rather be miserable with him with occasional happiness than miserable without him. Maybe that’s too strong of a statement so don’t take that at full face value.

I want to be able to figure this out while we are still together, but mentally I keep thinking I have a time frame to “fix myself”. At the same time, I know I don’t because I know mental health doesn’t work that way. I have the ability to take the time I need to take care of myself again which I am grateful for. It’s like having an adult and child in my mind. The child is crying all of my fears and anxieties while the adult is trying to calm them down with reasoning. I am thankful that I am at least this aware of my mental state. I can understand when something is anxiety or depression, name it, and although I am stuck with it, I try not to fall too deep in it.  

I still have hope things will get better and I won’t always feel this way. Hope and faith is all I have some days and that’s okay. I am one day closer to being the me I want to be.

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

The problem with sterek stans

This whole talk about not reading anything but sterek reminded me why I dislike sterek fandom overall and think they are as bad if not worse than Scott stans, the delusional ones. First, before you or anyone would attack me on it, I need to note, that I have nothing against the ship itself, and I’m really glad so many shippers found it pleasant for their taste, even if I personally get squicked by a mere mention of Stiles and Derek together in one room. And I blame this on sterek monoshipers. Now we are not going to touch on the topic of what I personally dislike in sterek fics, and what almost all of fics about them use, because this content isn’t for me. But we really need to talk about how sterek shippers act about every other pair and toward all people who don’t ship it. Once again, it may not be true for all stereks, but monoshipers, who are a loud crew and act just as bad as delusionals do, and feel just as entitled.

Once again, it isn’t an “attack” on sterek or fans of this ship overall, but at people who feel entitled by the mere fact that they ship sterek and think the only good thing about teen wolf (it isn’t, you just choose not to see it), and if you come to be offended by things I post below, well, maybe you should watch at your actions first.

1 they act as if sterek is the only valid ship

No, it isn’t. And it’s kind if fine if you think that it’s the only valid one for you, like you don’t feel like reading anything else, that’s OK, that’s totally your fandom experience. But unfortunately some stereks think that if sterek is so popular and good, they feel entitled to come to steter/steo/sciles and other shippers and tell them, acting all “good natured” and asking things like “but how can you ship these characters? Why do you even do it? [You have our brand of perfect sterek here, why do you even need to look at anything else?]”. You have no idea how many stereks just come to us, and ask why do we choose other ships, and some even try to explain why sterek is good, gold, and the best overall.

Please, just really, sterek isn’t the only (and if you ask some isn’t even the best, only just the most popular) ship in teen wolf, and yet, we all get comments like “ your ship is a crack ship, why do you even need it?”

2 still about sterek fandom entitlement

I write rare ships, some of my friends do things for rare pairs like arts, headcanons and so on. I’ve got plenty comments on my fics, worded like “it would be so much better if it was sterek!” (It isn’t sterek, it’s tagged as different pair, why did you even open it, if the only thing you have to say, that this is only good for sterek to copy), or you write fics about past, without even having Derek or Stiles together for even one scene, without them even meeting each other with this whole “Stiles saw broody teenager” or “Derek noticed bright and active boy”. Wanna guess what comment we get? “Oh, in future Stiles and Derek gonna find each other, and they are going to be so happy together!” (No, they wouldn’t, how did you even think it was a good idea to say that under the fic that is tagged as not sterek and don’t even have them together). So this was only my pain as fic-writer

Now let’s go to people, who create gifs, arts and other things. Some of them explicitly say “don’t add caption to our works”. Guess who always add caption, even by just copying tags of others? That’s right, stereks. And sometimes it’s even worse, because some of this gif-sets were created for different pair, and can you even guess how annoying it is, that you try to celebrate your rare-pair, but here come stereks and say “no, this is definitely about sterek and not your god awful *looks at smittered writing on the palm* whatever, it doesn’t matter, the only valid ship is sterek anyway”, and when creators ask to remove that, they get hate.

3 derailing and hijacking

We kinda talked about hijacking in the previous one, so let’s go to the derailing. If you are in some shipping chats and even try to talk about other ships when ster

eks are around, you’ll only get “but what if this exact thing, but sterek”, and suddenly even if your idea was ignored previously, this get so many turns, but not with the ship you got this for. This happens less when you come to more rare-ships chats, but sometimes it still happens here.

4 acting as if sterek is canon

It isn’t in our reading of teen wolf, please, stop putting your sterek is eternal in our face in our tags, we are just trying to mind our business in our swamp, please, just stop, we really beg you.

As I said, this isn’t an attack on sterek fans, or ship itself, the content they create, but because of the most loud ones I grew to hate sterek. Some of them are just as bad as Scott stans, and they act just the same way. But if with Scott stans there are what five of them, with sterek delusionals there are like hundred of them. Like once you reblogged, there is always a 1% of shitty people in every fandom, so there are a lot of them i sterek

And when you ship only sterek, you can barely even see this is a problem other people in fandom may struggle with.

DW: I mean, I think this is a problem with any rabid shippers, whatever the ship. I agree that it’s probably very noticeable with Sterek shippers because there are so many Stereks shippers to begin with in comparison to other TW shippers. That 1% of assholes in a large ship is a lot more people than in a tiny niche ship. 

I’m sorry that people have been giving you grief for not shipping Sterek–and I say that as a Sterek shipper. There’s no excuse for shitting on the things that other people enjoy, just because you want it to be about your thing. 

(I also think it’s worth noting here that I do distinguish between stans and the delusional squad. I am friends with quite a few Scott stans. It’s the delusionals I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on if they were on fire. I don’t know if you draw the same line between Sterek stans and those who go out of their way to harass other shippers, but I hope so. Stanning is fine--but what you’re describing here goes way beyond stanning. Bullying and harassing and making demands of other people–are you listening, delusionals?–is not fine.) 

I think as a multi shipper I don’t get the same pushback as mono shippers would, and that’s a fair point that you’ve raised. If someone tells me “Oh, can this be Sterek?” I can just say “No, maybe my next thing will be Sterek” and that’s generally the end of that. 

it sucks that some people out there can’t respect other people’s ships. 

“Ship and let ship” goes both ways, and it would be nice if people could remember that. 

[expurgatedversion]

I hate explaining things, especially if they are transparent to everyone who participated, but Mads was kind enough to think it might make a difference to lay out exactly how that theme won. The funny thing is that none of those complaints or appeals had shit all to do with our methodology. Weird, right? It's almost like they were concerned with a completely unrelated thing. Unpossible!

With that in mind, this is not a post about The Theme That Dare Not Speak Its Name or Steter Week. This isn't even a post addressed to the people with all of those concerns.

This is (mostly) a post for anyone who has no idea what the Scerek Anon or anti-Scott sentiment has to do with Steter fandom.

The very short answer is that they don't.

If you want the longer answer, there is an entire investigative report that happened. No, I'm not fucking with you. It totally happened, and you can read it here. 

If you want the other long answer about racism affecting fandom trends and favorite characters, you’ll have to do your own homework.

So am I saying that no one left Steter fandom over Scott-hate? Nope. I don't know everyone. I've also been told that learning about the Scerek Anon caused a lot of a big feelings in people who weren't even the targets. 

Speaking of targets, let's not forget that the Steter fandom was barely touched by these events. The Scerek Anon seemed to enjoy several different Stiles-ships as long as Scott or Malia weren't involved, and they were known to leave positive comments on Steter fics. Steter writers were not the ones being harassed for their correct use of AO3 tags. They weren’t sent horrible messages wishing they or their families would die for daring to include Scott or write Derek in a less than perfect light. I find it infuriating that anyone would try to say that the Steter fandom ever faced the same kind of treatment that the Scott, Braeden, and Malia fandoms did.

But Nyx made some extraordinary claims, particularly about the “biggest Steter fans”.

"Steter fandom is so much smaller and quieter today than it used to be is because some of the biggest Steter fans of several years ago were bullied into silence or out of the fandom"

"One of the leaders and many of the biggest proponents of lolscerekanon were big Steter fans"

Okay. Credit where it’s due. The second one is pretty accurate. But the first is not remotely based in reality. With the mention of lolscerekanon, I have to believe that Nyx is specifically talking about Taylorpotato, and I'm sorry. Is this seriously an assertion that he was silenced or bullied by anti-Scott fans? I guess he was so bullied that he proceeded to write Scott-centric fic for the better part of a year. Yes, he was so petrified by the overwhelming hatred for Scott fics that he spearheaded a project to mock the Scerek Anon and eventually declared that they had won against the troll. 

But no, he and all of those other unnamed Steter writers fled the fandom because the Scott hatred was too powerful.

There are plenty of older fans who are still here, but I can also think of several well-known people who no longer create Steter content. Some of them still read and comment on Steter fics. Many of them are writing in other fandoms. A lot of these people are awfully findable for being “in hiding”.

You know who I do remember being harassed over fics/blog posts and actually left fandom? Kinkyfics and Morallydubious. I can’t say if it was Scott-related. It seemed to involve several issues, including nasty comments, but regardless of their motives, it would be a huge stretch to call them Steter writers as most of their work was for other pairings.

Is Steter fandom smaller and quieter? The AO3 tag updates more frequently than ever. The @steternetwork gets new followers everyday, and they mostly don’t look like spam bots. The Network chat almost always has someone online, ready to talk about Steter, and there are some other Steter chats around.

None of that sounds smaller or quieter to me, but hey. Your mileage may vary.

Now, I'm going to get a little personal here. It wasn’t part of the original plan, but my annoyance level has increased a lot as I’ve watched the wank unfold.

Maybe it’s coincidental or just a case of weird optics, but I find it positively fascinating that Nyx hasn’t mentioned Steter Week since arguing with me and Bxdcubes about fandom’s ability to come to their own conclusions.  Isn’t it funny how she claims that this will be the year... now that Mar isn’t involved and I’m on a different blog? I guess Nyx is ready to release about two years' worth of thwarted Steter smut. After all, there's no way that anyone has ever managed to continue posting fic in a fandom after disagreeing with people.

Looks pointedly at 220k of Sterek fic on Nyx's AO3. 

Well, fuck me running. I guess the realization that the Steter fandom won't blindly agree with anything was harder to take than the frequent debates and callouts Nyx deals with now.

Folks, I am beyond tired of the character/ship squads and pro-anti-whatever fighting. I am done crusading for anything, even trash. I no longer have it in me to engage in The Discourse 24/7. One of the reasons I made a new tumblr home was to get away from the endless wank.

Yes, there are people in the fandom who hate Scott. Maybe they dislike his crooked jaw, or they disapprove of the actor’s life choices. I don’t care. They’re allowed. Plenty of people hate Peter/Ian Bohen, and I sleep just fine at night. I don’t even harass them or hijack their event posts, and from what I’ve seen of fandom, that’s downright amazing.

*My apologies if this winds up in the tag. Hopefully, it won’t show up if you use tagged/steter instead of the search bar. *Regarding the creators I’m aware of who no longer contribute to Steter: I don't name them here because they don't deserve to be dragged into this ridiculous shit. Quite frankly, none of us do. *I hope everyone realizes that I'm not minimizing what happened to the people who felt unable to continue in fandom because of any kind of ship or character hate, but the post specified "the biggest Steter fans", so that's what I examined. *I have answered and received more than my share of questions about Taylorpotato. If I receive any personal or intrusive asks on that topic, I will delete them. Anything I’ve said about him in this post is available on tumblr and ao3.