#i think knowing what’s actually happening in this scene makes this a hundred times funnier
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andromedism · 1 year ago
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When Harry Met Sally (1989)
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nullusreimorio · 5 months ago
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Degrees of Lewdity AU: Actor AU
Yes, you heard that right, folks! DoL:ActAU will now be a thing in my blog.
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Re-reading this made my brain go BRRRR, because in my head a random person getting their costume's head off is that funny, and from there it all spiraled down.
The Whitney breaks Syd's glasses scene in particular is stuck in my head, because I imagine that at some point, right before Whit can grab the glasses, Syd would scream to wait, making Whit shit himself cuz dude what is happening. The director screams cut, of course. "I'm so sorry, these are my real glasses-" while laughing, and taking them off to give into custody before putting on the props, with Whitney just wheezing in the background.
The genderbent version of LIs would mostly be people that really resemble each other, except for the Kylar duo. They are twins who love to scare other people by just staring at them (it is a running inside joke on set).
Bailey is actually a sweet parental figure off-character, always making sure he didn't actually hurt the other actors (think Jason Isaac in Harry Potter as he switches between the cruel Lucius Malfoy and actually caring for Tom Felton, asking him if he's ok and apologizing when he did in fact hurt him by accident)
Another running gag on set is Harper just.. being there. Smiling at everyone with cold eyes, bombing pictures and selfies. Sometimes they stay in the background of the scene, looking directly at the camera. They say it's funnier to stay in character. Off-character they are very fun to be around, but they enjoy unsettling people. Them and the Kylars are sometimes banned from being in the studio if the scene doesn't need them.
GH got tangled up in the fly system. Everyone laughed and took pictures and videos, but promptly eliminated them at GH's request. They are shy.
The Averys enjoy their role very much. What they don't enjoy is having to drink grape juice or scented water instead of actual alcohol. They do get a nice glass of wine once off-set are over.
Whenever the Wrens are in the studio, F!Whit, M!Robin, the Wrens, F!BW, the Edens, F!Avery and the Baileys get a bit too much into playing cards. Blackjack, Durak, Scopa, Rummy, Machiavelli... the list could go on. They always manage to rope technicians to play with them as well.
Everyone hates the Kylars because their makeup doesn't need much time, while everyone else (ESPECIALLY GH, BW and IW) need enough time to always look polished/roughed up, depending on the situation.
M!Jordan is actually atheist, and whenever he has to talk like a true Christian guy, once his line is over he mocks himself. He enjoys wearing his costume off-set just for shits and giggles, and other actors often visit him in the confessional just to say "I'm sorry daddy, I've been naughty~" "Jail for a hundred years. NEXT"
F!Jordan and Ivory Wraith are actually cousins, and sometimes M!Jordan and Ivory Wraith swap costumes to see if there is any difference other than Jordan's massive tits.
Aaaand that's it, for now! As of now this is how far my brain thought while in the middle of exams, I will slowly add more into it. I don't know if it was already done, but thinking about these jackasses actually play-pretending makes me feel better ^^
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purpleandstarlight · 1 year ago
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@hateweasel it's time for yet another part. I'm kinda trying to space them a few hours at a time so as not to spam but if it bothers u still lmk and I'll just go like 1 or 2 a day?
-DLTD: "Chapter 259: The Messiah is Among US"
Me: ...Sus.
-Me: This happened before Among Us was even released, wich makes it funnier...
My friend: The real messiah is the author...
Me: Immagine being the messiah but writing a fanfic longer than the bible that is all about demons.
-A villain was talking to a minion named "Bigby" but i somehow?? misread it as "babygirl" and it was hilarious to me.
-Copypasting this meme from a message:
DLTD:"The blonde giggled almost uncontrollably as he pulled away to see Ciel blushing from being hugged in front of his arch-nemesis; a hue that only darkened, spreading to his ears when the blonde kissed him. All the Hellsing woman did in response was roll her visible eye and climb back into her car."
Hellsing: [Insert the Queer People Ciel meme here]
-The start of me realizing Dan is fruity, and my friend beginning to ship Dan x Kris because of me...Its the beginning of a tragedy.
-Me being rightfully upset about the love potion and hating DaffyDuck even more. I HATE the concept of Love Potions. They're creepy. I'm grateful of the fact that you recognized that and incorporated how creepy they are into the story.
-In a one-off chapter, Ciel had to babysit Luka and was like "Oh well he's just gonna watch the TV I can mind my own business" wich concerned me greatly at the time because YOU DONT LEAVE KIDS ALONE!!! EVEN IF THEYRE JUST WATCHING THE TV!! THEYRE KIDS!! THEY ARE A DANGER TO THEMSELVES!!! thankfully Ciel followed Luka soon after and I calmed down.
-i kept calling professor Irons "The iconic professor", as we all should. Then at one point I called him "Iron" and my friend corrected me. My friend. Who has heard the name once or twice from me long before that happened vs me who was actually reading the fanfic for several hundreds of chapters. I am really bad at names.
-When Ciel was scared for Oliver in the "found a dismembered foot while on a school trip" arc I was losing it too bc I was, and always will be, an Oliver Midford Stan.
-I at this point in the past told my friend about the Travis-tells-everyone-he-discovered-the-truth-ages-ago scene, wich caused present me to remember something that I should probably tell u in the rereading commentary, and I have a tumblr post about it already anyway, BUT. THE WAY THAT HAPPENS LIKE 20 CHAPTERS IN, BEFORE TRAVIS WAS EVEN FRIEND OR INTERACTED MUCH WITH ALOIS. AND STILL WENT "Okay so my new classmate is actually a Demon who eats souls but you know what? That's his business." AND THEN BEFRIENDS SAID DEMON. ICONIC. LEGENDARY. HILARIOUS.
Like I think you just forgot that they weren't really friends back then yet (i think this happened before the haunted house, or maybe slightly after, but way before they were actually pals?) but?? It's funnier this way.
Mate saw an acquintance he barely spoke to make a deal with another schoolmate and promised to eat her soul in exchange and he went "This is nothing to be concerned about." and moved on with his life.
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transkholins · 1 year ago
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okay. episode six thoughts.
EGWENE.
look. the only wot book i’ve read in full since 2018-2019 was the eye of the world. when i think of wot i tend to think more of late-series wot. coincidentally, while early-series wot shows you first hand how awful the seanchan are, late-series wot veers hard into apologia/“negotiating and making concessions for the greater good.” i forgot how hard the egwene povs in the great hunt were to get through. this episode reminded me. in graphic detail.
madeleine madden did a fucking fantastic job and i cannot wait to see her in later seasons as egwene grows and develops as a character. her scenes were so tough to watch. she deserves an award.
i do love how the show is portraying the seanchan. all of the suroth and renna scenes were deeply uncomfortable and upsetting, which is really how the seanchan ought to make viewers feel. (right, brandon sanderson? right?). using loial’s treesinging like a party trick. the flowy/frilly da’covale outfits. renna saying “oh, i’m nicer than other sul’dam, i want to be your friend” but trying to break egwene down. ugh.
there’s also something in here about “southern hospitality” and the us’s history of slavery and rj being from the south but it’s too late at night for me to get into that.
also, like, not to be matbrained, but the sheer delicacy/fanciness of the da’covale clothing makes me very afraid for the extended tylin-tuon plotline. i’m sure that if the show does it they’ll do it well (the show has already done a lot of course-correcting), so it’s not that kind of afraid, but more I Know What’s Coming afraid.
every time they mention The Seanchan Empress i get filled with a little bit more dread. god, i hope they handle tuon’s Everything well.
and siuan’s back!! finally!! i’m hoping they don’t sideline her in these last few episodes, because god knows they’ve done her dirty this season.
i really love ishamael and lanfear’s clothing. like, ishamael’s looks have been so faux-corporate, and i’m obsessed with lanfear’s leather and lace-up boots. it really does feel like an extended/future version of modern (first age?) fashion. i like what they’ve done with the age of legends’s aesthetic in general.
knowing which characters turn out to be darkfriends makes literally everything funnier.
if we must have gawyn and galad in the show. i need them to have the same vibes as barthanes. golden boys who are so so so punchable. sycophantic, even.
mat and min friendship truthers, we continue to lose. i’m hopeful that they’ll get to be friends again eventually.
ugh. mat telling rand he’ll come with him because he needs someone to keep him from becoming an arrogant prick. through the lens of wotshow i catch glimpses of hit amol chapter older, more weathered.
if i had a nickel for every time this season they’ve had a shot in a character’s dream or vision of mat lying dead with his left eye cut out, i would have two nickels. which isn’t a lot but it’s kind of weird that it’s happened twice. evil smile.
rand monologuing about how he thought him going away would protect people at mat, who is generally acknowledged as the king of the whole "being away from rand will protect me" line of reasoning. i have to laugh.
“if you love him, stay away” “[mat stays away]” i hate it when the wheel of time on amazon prime makes me feel nostalgic for the period of time where i was super invested in cauthor. like, circa 2018-2019. do you guys remember when there were only two fics and they were both from like 2013. there are now (i just checked) one hundred and sixty-one. it is such a shame i don’t ship them anymore because it’s genuinely kind of fun to have gay subtext in the gay actual-text show.
but also like. a true testament to the power of casting homoerotic besties as two white men. a loss for me (draws them both as men of color).
relatedly, i am so pleased that the top relationship tag for both the books and the show is siuaraine. quite possibly the only time i’ve ever seen a series that isn’t near-exclusively female characters (madoka magica, the locked tomb, etc.) have an f/f ship at the top. and they’re even canon… i cannot wait to see them next week.
what can i say about the wondergirls that has not already been said. i love nynaeve forever and ever. i love elayne being super into ter’angreal. i love that they both love egwene. i love that they bicker with each other. wondergirls 5ever.
also like… nynaeve getting to hang out with a yellow sister a little bit… delightful.
i’ve said this before but i’m trying to put everything in one place. i think ryma and basan’s actress and actor did an excellent job. but it’s really disappointing that the show continues to veer into anti-Blackness and colorism in its casting. it’s a pattern in both seasons and it isn’t good.
anyways. the wheel of time. i don’t think i have anything more to say right now.
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edwardteachswombtattoo · 1 month ago
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i don't disagree with my original s2 thoughts entirely. although i've expanded on/slightly changed a few of them, on the season and the show as a whole and certain characters in the show as my blog and my fics stand record. well, you know, it's very human to be capable of growth and change so i think i'm doing okay. but i'd like to add, in hindsight and after a literal whole year to think on the finale.
This goes without saying, but I will never forgive HBO Max for trying so hard to destroy this show. Yeah, they got their way in the end (for now anyway), but they clearly had it out for OFMD. The massive budget cut, the filming constraints, shorter episodes, smaller season, so much executive meddling. They were so obviously hoping the second season would be terrible, the fanbase would drop off, and the numbers would plunge. But when that didn't happen, they just cancelled it anyway. It's fucking awful.
the finale is full of moments i love and i definitely would have loved it even more if it had been forty minutes and able to just breathe. we'll probably never see the original forty minute cut of the finale, but the bones were there. the Big Moments we were supposed to take into season three. of course it feels incomplete from a character perspective, because it's the second act of a three act story. dislike the finale if the must, but this wasn't meant to be the end of ed and stede's story.
they haven't finished growing yet, so of course certain aspects of their character arcs feel incomplete. season 2 is meant to be the bones, the foundation ed and stede will build the rest of their relationship on. from my perspective anyway. they learned how to communicate with each other like adults, they had some good conversations about what they want out of their relationship, they've learned they can't just run away from the friction in their relationship (they actually need to work it out), it was reinforced tenfold how respectful stede is of ed's autonomy and boundaries, they both experienced some major growth that should help them moving forward.
some additional things about season 2 i loved, forgot to mention in the original post and then never updated it:
The soundtrack!! Fucking hell, the soundtrack!! I don't pay a lot of attention to music in most shows when I first watch the episode/episodes, but I was bawling my eyes out when Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work" came on in Episode 3 while Ed's in the Gravy Basket. the gorgeous visuals plus the music???? i was sobbing.
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Our Flag Means Death Season 2 they could never make me hate you
I've made about forty posts about why i love episode 6 so much so i'll spare all of you (this time anyway), but learning this episode had the most (?? pretty sure i read that somewhere, feel free to correct me) executive meddling out of any other episode in the show makes it even funnier and so much fucking better that it's one of my favorite episodes not just of season 2 but of the whole show.
Am i upset we never got fully one hundred percent canon archie/jim/oluwande/zheng polycule, as was planned? yeah. am i happy we still got some good scenes with jim/archie/oluwande?? fuck yeah!!
Loved Izzy's death, it was such an important and meaningful bullet point for Ed's character arc. Ed choosing life, Ed choosing to put piracy behind him, Izzy serving a similar place in the narrative as The Badmintons did for Stede in S1 (not identical, but in the same general vein)
I think that's about it for stuff I forgot to mention in my original end of s2 post?? idk. i loved season 2, even the finale. it had a different vibe than season 1, but not to the extent it felt like a whole different show. it's a delightful watch.
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Okay, my head's no longer in pieces (entirely), so here's my full thoughts on Season 2.
What I Liked:
Episode 6. Just...Episode 6. Favorite episode this season, Episode 4 coming in at close second.
Kisses!! So many kisses!! Five Gentlebeard kisses, how fucking lucky are we???
The first three episodes were an absolute banger start to the season, a perfect ensemble of comedy and drama. Completely banished my fears of Season 2 being lackluster.
Ed's looks!! So many good ones this season. The slutty ponytail!!!
Zheng!! Loved Zheng so much, I hope she's in Season 3.
We got some really good soft Gentlebeard moments this season, I'm pleased.
Archie!! Her dynamic and interactions with Jim were great.
Really, I loved all the characters introduced in Season 2. Maybe a little overcrowding, but all the new guys were a delight.
The costuming in Season 2 was fucking amazing, they did so great despite the smaller budget.
I know it's probably going to crash and burn if we get Season 3 and it wasn't handled super well, but...I fucking love Innkeepers Stede and Ed. I love the idea of Ed being at peace, away from the brutal violence of piracy he's been trying to escape.
Izzy's speech. Just...yeah.
Jim in drag!! Izzy in drag!! Wee John in drag!!
Chaotic sapphics
Okay, so what didn't I like?
We needed longer episodes and more episodes. 10 episodes, maybe forty minutes each. That would have fixed so many of the pacing issues. Blame HBO Max for this.
I've already mentioned Stede's wardrobe in another post. Did he have some banger looks? Fuck yeah. But Season 1 Stede with his intricate little fop fits was...an experience. Again, blame HBO Max. Capitalism. Budget cuts.
I feel like we never truly dealt with Stede and Ed's trauma?? Not really?? I guess that leaves us a lot of room in Season 3 for a genuine wrap-up.
I love OFMD to pieces, HBO Max fucked us all over and let's never forget it. But we got something deliciously queer despite all of that. Us queers are used to thriving in inhospitable environments, right? We make do.
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itwoodbeprefect · 3 years ago
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livewatch thoughts for sga 1x08 (or 09, because the order on my dvds seems to differ from the one on wikipedia), home:
rodney being so sure he can do a very risky but scientifically interesting thing that he doesn’t even deign to acknowledge that it is risky (because he’s the one doing it, so of course it will work, because he believes himself infallible, so basically there’s no risk at all!) is such a warning for things to come (cough-trinity-cough) and it’s not like i think they were intentionally setting up a single season 2 episode already, but it does make me appreciate that we get a whole episode exploring the consequences of this character flaw of his later on.
we can see john thinking for a second while rodney is talking and then he goes “eight hundred and four years” (how long it would take them to get rodney by puddlejumper if he breaks the gate on the fog planet) and that’s our first hint at math nerd john!! beautiful
rodney, talking about travelling 804 years by puddlejumper to come get him: “but you would do that, right?” john: “of course we would.” fjdkf.
ALSO the first time we see john with his brick of a copy of war and peace! many iconic sheppard things contained in these first six and a half minutes of the episode.
same point as the one above but i’m not done yet because he just... thinks he’s so clever for this, gosh. i feel like there’s something to be said here about how this is not at all a fun read (and he’s a very repressed man used to denying himself), and i don’t imagine john has some hidden deep interest in russian literature (i mean, possible, but unlikely), so the actual real point of it is just performance, start to finish. if he ever finishes it, that’s some weird bragging rights, but even better is when, like in this scene, someone catches him at it while he’s reading because they will ask because it’s not a very inconspicuous choice of reading material. and it makes him look smart, potentially, but it’s also a little “look at me! i’m weird and quirky! #sorandom.” (yes, i am diagnosing john with socially awkward lonely teen girl disease because he decided to bring russian classic lit when he moved to another galaxy. i am.)
anyway, here’s his face, now that i’ve spent so many words on this:
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elizabeth giving john a chance to be the one to go home if rodney’s gate project works out (giving him an excuse, even, because she says he’d be the one most qualified to brief general hammond) is both kind, because obviously john entered into the mission very late and he did NOT sign on as military commander fighting wraith, and also extremely silly, for pretty much the same reasons. you found this man in antarctica, elizabeth. he was cut off from earth way before he left the planet.
rodney thinking he commands respect at the sgc and has a bunch of virtues of which “patience” is one is very sweet and very funny and i’m glad ford clearly recognizes it for that. the team bonding and found family of it all is very <3
john talking to teyla: “then there’s all those cool earth things i told you about. football, ferris wheels.” in part this is of course a function of this being a tv show and repeated mentions of the same little detail feeling like a fun callback that ties this moment to previous episodes (which it is and does!!) but in-universe it tickles me how incredibly specific and wildly misleading john’s descriptions are of what earth is like. it is going to be very disappointing when there is not, in fact, a football field full of ferris wheels at the end of every city block.
elizabeth making an argument for a continued presence in the pegasus galaxy is an interesting discussion because on the one hand she’s claiming that they have a responsibility to the people of pegasus after waking up the wraith and on the other she acts like they, the people from earth, are the only ones that could possibly do anything with the ancient technology, like they don’t have a pretty effective gene therapy and could give that to at least some of the people of pegasus, who could then operate atlantis mostly without the earthlings.
god, john getting compliments from general hammond that clearly mean a lot to him, while knowing that’s not actually happening as a viewer, that’s. that’s painful.
rodney coming home and turning on the television is great because a) he moved to another galaxy, possibly never to return, but kept on paying his cable bill? dude. and b) the tv plays something for which the audio is “we are controlling the transmission” and that’s FORESHADOWING. i love this. (of course alternately he did not continue paying for cable but he just doesn’t think about it and so the aliens make his tv work because they don’t know it shouldn’t, but my first interpretation is funnier, so i’m sticking with that.)
the way this contructed reality falls apart and the bits and pieces we as viewers see of where it’s not right is EXCELLENT and john’s undead buddies mitch and dex in particular are a whole eassay on their own, but rodney’s line about the laws of physics having gone out the window and that “it’s like looking through a microscope at a cell culture and seeing a thousand dancing hamsters” is quite possibly my favorite thing here. A THOUSAND. DACING HAMSTERS. so it’s a+ content and would make you go viral in a second on youtube, is what you’re saying, rodney.
fake hammond: “major sheppard seemed uniquely capable of manipulating his own fabricated reality.” john: “when i think about the scenarios i COULD have thought up i’d kick myself.” GOD. lots of john thoughts, lots of fic space.
john: “this isn’t life! what do you want us to do, just pretend?” fjdkfd. okay, so, in a reading of canon in which john is queer man pretending all the time, this is an interesting dialogue snippet.
the discussion at the end honestly makes so little sense (the alien’s like, every time the gate activates some of us die, and the humans are like, hm okay, but we are human and we like living so you should send us back anyway, and the alien is like, okay that’s fair), but i don’t mind in the least. this is such a nice episode and the dilemma they’re faced with feels very star trek to me (vague fog aliens that are never given shape other than fog or a human illusion and a plot that leads to moral questions and a true test of the character and the intentions of humanity? PRECISELY the sweet spot for the tos budget), and i love that.
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zhuhongs · 4 years ago
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Since rewatching the guardian drama after reading the novel has made me mad about how bad and good both of them are I am Obligated to write out a list of what I think the perfect merger btw both versions of canon are. This will be in list format otherwise I’ll end up writing like 6k words again. 
TLDR: the genre stays as supernatural from the novel and not Sci fi, bc that was rlly not fleshed out well. Shen Wei is a ghost king, and all the dixingren are ghosts or demons like originally intended. The ghost race naturally exists and wasn't born from kunluns shoulder fire or anything. They just exist separate from humans. Not all ghosts are former humans, some people are just born as ghosts, like Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan has the guardian whip and all the cool stuff that comes with the Guardian order.  Overall, i’d keep the novel’s plot and relationship progression and ending without the backstory. Instead the backstory is a merger of both canons. From the drama I’d keep the characterization and themes as well as like half the extra cases and omit the other half. 
I’ll be elaborating much further on my ideal backstory and other stuff under the cut bc the rest is 1.5k and I don’t wanna clog the dash 
Okay SO In my ideal backstory there are two timelines just like the drama but the mythology of the book. The god Kunlun is actually zyl that went back in time and became a god. But the one that went back isn’t the current Zhao Yunlan. There has to be an original timeline where the god Kunlun never existed. Thus the great seal nor the separation of the three realms don’t exist either. Zhao Yunlan must go back in time to become a god, meet Shen Wei in the past, and create the current timeline where the separation exists but isn’t perfect. The current timeline is the one that the majority of the series takes place in.
In the original timeline, Zhao Yunlan is just some dude living in a world where ghosts, fairies, and all other beings just live in a giant free for all and it's kinda just a mess. 
Like there’s government in modern context and all and all races live with each other but there's constant tension. ZYL works at some equivalent of the SID (same staff and side characters, but novel vers. Lin Jing is a monk, CSZ a zombie, etc) to protect people and all that and their job is rather hard. One day encounters the thousands year old ghost king Wei (who isnt shen wei yet bc zyl gave him that name in the future) who works alone as like a rouge cultivator of sorts. He lives on the surface undercover as a professor still bc he’s trying to not catch Yezun’s attention but does all the stuff he normally does as Heipaoshi. The two ally together for a case and bc they both have the same goals of getting all races to live in peace. At current, there are forces working together to decimate the human race, all lead by Yezun
As they work together they become closer and all that. Shen Wei tells him about how he was unable to prevent the great war 5 thousand years ago and neither could the gods so  he’s spent the past 5 thousand years trying to make up for it. As they search for ways to stop Yezun, they gather the 4 hallows and learn how to use them to manipulate time so ZYL can go into the past and stop the great war and separate the three realms (living, dead, ghost).  Shen Wei wants to go back with him but he can’t because he was alive all those years ago so if he goes back it will create a paradox. ZYL promises he’ll find Shen Wei in the past and create a timeline where they could be together in peace (that is the current timeline)
When goes back he becomes the god kunlun because there needed to be a new god born at the time to prevent the war.  Also this time traveller looked promising to Nuwa, Fuxi, and Shennong. And I know in the guardian universe gods are usually born and ppl don’t become gods. EXCEPT this can happen when a god passes on smth from their body onto them bc that did happen in the novel with Kunlun making shen wei a demigod. And since fu you and ma gui are supposed to be gods Nu Wa and Fuxi I think that when they die, they should make ZYL a god and that's how this stuff happens.
So like ZYL explains to the gods the time he came from and how he wants to save everything and they make him a god and he works to save everything just like he did in the drama but this time with the novel plotline. During this time he meets young Shen Wei (he’s still like a hundred or so years old) and they get close and all the stuff from the backstory happens. He gives him his name, all that good stuff. The entire time doesn’t let him know that he’s from the future or that his real name is ZYL. He just poses as kunlun. 
The two of them alongside the other gods (who still die at the times they do in the novel) work together to end the war and establish the great seal and set up the cycle of reincarnation, per the current timeline. Although the seal and cycle of reincarnation aren’t perfect. Gods can’t reincarnate, and ghosts still don’t have souls. And just like the novel, doing all of this kills ZYL bc it takes a lot of energy to create the seal even though it isn’t perfect.
Shen Wei of course doesn’t want ZYL to die and zyl says it's alright because he fixed the timeline so there must One day they will meet again and ZYL reveals the truth about the timeline to shen wei before he dies. This becomes the promise that Shen Wei mentions to meet again. Before he dies, ZYL gives him the shoulder fire as a memento ( i still like the candy wrapper necklace deal but i’ll take this too. Maybe both.. The pendant is still just rlly cool.. Gay ppl)
Shen Wei knows gods can’t enter the cycle of reincarnation and still makes the deal with Shennong to strip Kunlun of his godhood and let him reincarnate. This sets us into the novel timeline where isn’t allowed to meet any of zyl’s reincarnations before he becomes zyl otherwise he will die and also fuck up the timeline. The same 5 thousand years of pining still ensue bc Gay Ppl and i love making Shen Wei suffer but he doesn’t have the shrine room thing bc i think thats weird and yea.. Bad. 
In the meantime Shen Wei does a lot of things mostly just protecting the great seal and working for Hell to keep the peace but still does other stuff. He still watches out for ZYL’s reincarnations but doesn’t do much besides make sure they don’t die a premature death. They meet again finally at the beginning of the series and the timeline resumes like canon. And that's my master plan that merges both drama logic and novel logic while making a much better timeline. (I hope that makes some sense)
Da Qing is still Kunlun’s pet cat and important. Novel backstory applies to him. And I already mentioned him kinda but as for Yezun (Gui Mian in the novel) his deal is similar as in the drama but just a ghost. And he is a big player in the great war, he thought Shen Wei abandoned him as a kid but they were just separated. Shen Wei doesn’t know it's him till the end of the war and couldn’t stop him in the OG timeline and vows to bring him to justice and make amends. Shen Wei continuously tries to explain things to him but he just won’t listen and is imprisoned in hell bc yk… war criminal stuff and yeah he’s the main antagonist trying to break the great seal bc he’s still made about the past. Idk. Yezun wasn’t well written in the novel OR the drama so like… honestly he just needs to be completely rewritten and I don’t care enough about that. He can just be a weak villain idk
the drama characterization stays the same for everyone else bc found family go brr. However for Lao Chu i… hmm… i think he should still be a zombie but the reason he killed someone should be related to his brother. I like that addition and then shen wei realized his sentence was unjust and exempted him. i like that storyline merger. bc the brother thing and him admiring Heipaoshi was drama only. in the novel lao chu just murdered some kid for a rlly whatever reason.
uhhh in terms of the cases… id make adjustments to most of them. i think the li qian case should be like the drama bc the novel just had her as a murderer and it was boring. 
For the mountain river awl one was fine… novel version was funnier and more interesting action wise tbh… rip zyl and his exorbitant flirting. uhhh the whole reveal that shen wei was the soul reaper thing was kinda… ehh in the novel but i did love the comedy of afterwards Shen Wei pretending he went into cardiac arrest when he actually just… has no pulse bc he's a ghost. 
ID KEEP THE WORTH IT SCENE AND RAIN SCENE… THOSE FUCK SO HARD… I love the drama for adding those every damn day. the novel version of zyl losing his sight sucked and was sooo boring.  Keep the drama version on that.
also id keep dr. cheng. i'm very pro dr. cheng and her friendship with shen wei it adds so much to his character imo. keep the fruit seller man and his wife for the merit brush..omg it adds SO MUCH the way the drama did it.. like the drams build up with the novels pace of that arc.. mwah. it felt like it dragged a bit in the drama but if it went faster and without the hospital ep and with sha ya (sorry sha ya) that would've been so good. tho keep novel version of da qings memory loss and lao li. that was rlly impactful.
id say keep some of the cases like the mirror one, the eyes doctor one, etc. just to like.. yk have more to fill in general.. novel pacing but drama characterization without the bs that wasn't fully realized. and novel ending ofc. And that’s it!!
I hope most of this makes some amount of sense  but it probably doesn’t. In my head it all tracks but like ik most of u don’t know anything about the novel so this sounds like gibberish. Also I know this would literally never happen but this is MY ideal merger of the two canons that I feel compelled to expand on for some reason. Anyways, as io said,, we need to rebuild guardian. Like literally let me and the mutuals write Guardian and it will be 500 times better.
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myfriendsarerealidiots · 4 years ago
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Comparing Adaptations
‘Kay so I went on one of my whims again and did something stupid. Couple weeks or so ago, I wasn’t really in the mood to watch anime so I opened up Netflix and watched a Cdrama that I wanted to watch for a while now.
That Cdrama was ‘The Untamed’ which, prior to me watching it and doing said whim, I thought was just your typical historic Cdrama. Oh boy I was wrong. As I was watching it, I was thinking to myself, “This show’s really selling itself off as BL.” Which, I found out after finishing it was because it is BL. Hah...and that was just the start of it.
As I was doing my ‘Post-show research,’ I found out that it was based of a novel, called ‘Mo Dao Zu Shi’or as translated by the people on the internet as ‘Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation.’ Said novel had 2 more adaptations along with ‘The Untamed’ which were a manhua and a donghua. So me being me, I decided to watch the donghua adaptation and read both the og novel and manhua.
So how I went through this was...
The Untamed (2019)
The Donghua aka Anime I guess
The Manhua which I read while having class (such a responsible student aren’t I)
The original novel
All hail this person who has too much free time on her hands.
Anyways, as it says on the tin, I’ll be comparing the 4 adaptations/versions of the story and see what changes between them as well as the pros and cons. (Wow I sound so professional)
Some background of myself just to avoid confusion
I am not a mega hardcore Fujoshi. I don’t really enjoy reading smut, nor am I old enough to do so bear that in mind
I have 7 years worth of Chinese lessons under my belt which means I barely understand a thing and that I can get some of the jokes like how Wei Ying’s sword is called ‘Sui Bien’ and it’s funnier to hear in Chinese. In other words, compared to like actual Chinese people who live in China, I pretty much have the knowledge of a 10 year old.
The versions of the Manhua and Novel that I read were translated in English so somethings might have been lost in translation.
I have a bit of a goldfish brain so forgive me if I wrote something wrong or forgot the name of a certain character, most likely I will look it up to correct it but if I don’t...well sorry.
I am writing my opinions on each version as I finish them, so if they don’t link up to the original that’s the reasoning behind it.
All of these are my opinions and thoughts on the story. You are not entitled to follow them if you disagree. I personally believe that everyone has a voice of their own and they should use it. (Even though I don’t half of the time.)
Slight Spoiler Warning
I will be breaking down some of the scenes and characters for my comparisons so please keep that in mind.
The Untamed (2019)
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As this was my first exposure to the story, I didn’t know what to expect. I loved everything about it except for the fact that literally half of the show was spent in the past, building context for what was happening in the present.
The characters were lovable and all had distict personalities, especially Wei Ying and Lan Zhan which I guess makes sense since they’re the main characters (their actors are also cute and have good chemistry.) Speaking of characters, Yanli has a more forward role in the story here compared to the other versions. The way certain characters were introduced was different too. Since it’s live action, it’s also harder to show things like extreme blushing and such so it makes Lan Zhan look very stoic and way more unexpressive here than in the other versions.
The soundtrack is nice to listen to, especially with the 2 mains singing the theme song together it’s so cute and gives it another meaning in itself. Although, I do wonder how that poor bamboo flute Wei Ying made in like 2 mins plays decent sounding music. Chen Qing(is this the name of it?), the flute he uses after his trip to the Burial Grounds has the same sound quality as that bamboo flute which is just, “how???”
They took out most of the extreme BL!!! I feel like that is the biggest difference between this version and all the rest. I know they did that to appeal to more people but it does remove some of the context to things. That doesn’t mean the moments that were kept in weren’t cute though. It did make the pair look more plantonic than romantic.
As for the story itself, as a story on its own, it’s nice, as an adaptation that’s where the line gets blurry but it leans more towards the good side. They did indeed change some things, made them work better with the medium than if they didn’t.
An example I can place is the mask. Where the other versions used white make up with oddly placed red circles around the eyes, this one used a mask instead. I agree with the choice they made, seeing as they removed the fact that Mo Xuanyu was homosexual and so the make up wouldn’t make sense. It also looks nicer than what I imagined what could’ve happened with they kept with the make up. They do make a reference to this in the show when Jin Ling and Wei Ying have a conversation in Carp Tower. “You’ve seen my face right?” “How do I know? Your face is always caked in make up or covered by that mask.”
Another issue I had which I’ll touch on later was the first episode—I had no idea what was going on for those 40 minutes of screentime.
Donghua
As of writing this post, season 3 of this has yet to come out.
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My first reaction to this was “Man, the animation’s pretty, and they made Wei Ying look scarier.” Watching stuff at 12 in the morning isn’t the best thing but that’s what I do.
Anywho, this version made Wei Ying really attracted to going down the path of ‘evil’ compared to the other versions. I don’t really understand why they made this change...but they did so we have to deal with that. And his eyes glow red!! It makes him look scary and cool at the same time. I love it!!
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The transitions between certain events were a bit weird to say the least. For example, at the end of episode 2/3 Wei Ying gets forcibly dragged into the Cloud Recesses and the episode ends there. By the next episode, we’re 16/23/13 however many years in the past. This makes it really confusing for someone who hasn’t watched or read any other version of the story. It definitely made me confused and I already finished one.
While ‘The Untamed’ told us everything in one long flashback, the donghua broke it up into small chunks placed whenever information was needed. I don’t think that was a good idea, but then I also think it was a better decision than what they did for the Cdrama. As I watched this adaptation, I found myself confused from time to time because what happened in the prior episode didn’t always match what happened in the current episode like I mentioned earlier.
As for the artstyle, personally, I think some of the characters look similar minus the hair. However, I do like the little ways they made Lan Zhan express his feelings towards Wei Ying.
Speaking of which, when I first saw them together in this version in the forest near the Goddess Temple, I had to do a bit of a double take because of the height difference which wasn’t so evident in ‘The Untamed’. I soon found out that Lan Zhan was taller than Wei Ying before and after he gets reincarnated(?) Prior, it was just a small gap of 2cm which later turned to 6cm after possessing Mo Xuanyu.
I didn’t notice their height gaps while watching ‘The Untamed’ because Wei Ying’s actor, Xiao Zhan, is taller than Lan Zhan’s actor, Wang Yi Bo by about 2 inches which is like 5 cm? and so they had to do some weird thing with platforms to make Xiao Zhan look shorter in comparison.
Soundtrack wise, I personally think that ‘The Untamed’ was better in that sense. Where it had an amazing souding flute, this one had minor earrape in a nutshell.
This version made itself, in my eyes look more like a historical fighting anime as opposed to the BL vibes I was getting from ‘The Untamed’ and the other versions. They added a lot of action scenes and made the mystery more interesting for me. Along with this, the overall look and feel of this made it seem like it came from a completely different source material.
Manhua
Small FYI, as of writing this post the Manhua is at 147 Chapters.
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(I should’ve kept up the trend and got a screenshot from that scene in the Manhua but I didn’t so here we are with gay rabbits.)
As your local internet friend who reads more manga than normal books nowadays, I enjoyed reading the manhua and finished it in a couple days.
Compared to the first 2 versions here, these last 2 are both things that you have to read to get through, albeit one has pictures and one doesn’t.
While normally, one would read silently, I like listening to music while I do. And seeing as the OST of ‘The Untamed’ sounds really nice, I listened to it while reading both the manhua and novel when I could.
This one brought out the BL elements that were missing from the first 2. They gave Wei Ying and Lan Zhan a lot of kissing or just straight up affectionate scenes which I think ties in with the general theming of the original novel more.
As this one is probably the closest of the adaptations to the original, it’s the least confusing to read, although that might’ve been influenced by my experiencing the story for the third time at this point. I say that, however, there were many story elements that weren’t present in either one prior to this.
Examples this can be seen with their collecting of body parts that belonged to the former Nie Sect Leader. In ‘The Untamed’ they find the sword spirit which guides them through the rest of the story. In the Donghua adaptation, they get the arm, but also get the head of the the Jin with the hundred holes curse which was an original addition. Here, they get the arm from Mo Manor, find the other one then find the torso and so on before finding the head in Jin GuangYao’s possession.
The flashbacks in this version were also executed really well, in my opinion, as it doesn’t feel super confusing while reading it and it gives just enough information to help the events unfold. It also gives us a chance to see how much of an ass(sorry) Wei Ying was when he was the Yiling Patriach from his own perspective as well as give us a moment of WangXian in the middle of all that chaos.
Novel
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Here’s a picture of gay rabbits for everyone.
At this point, I was switching between the novel and the Manhua to read whichever one I wanted at any given time which might have blurred my sense of what belonged in each one so I’ll try my best to make sure.
Since this one is the original source material, it was clear from the get go that this will be the one with the least confusing version of events and the most amount of detail.
I was surprised on how close the manhua and ‘The Untamed’ was to the novel. Although, the former condensed the mystery to fit within the timeframe while the latter hasn’t finished just yet.
Personally, I like this author, and will probably read more of her works further down the line. Even though the version I read was in english, I still could feel the meaning behind certain aspects which I think shows her skill as an author.
The novel clearly shows the mischief that goes through Wei Ying’s head and their gradual (I say gradual but I think Lan Zhan just snapped) change of attitudes towards each other.
Arc One- Mo Manor
Past here I’ll break down the first arc of each one because I think all of them did it in relatively different ways. Be warned for spoilers if you haven’t watched or read all of them.
The Untamed (2019)
Out of all of these versions, this one definitely had me scratching my head in confusion the most even after watching it a second time once I finished the entire show.
As the only version that had the curse issued at the start as a moving factor of the story as well as the Yin Iron which was specifically made for this version, it didn’t explain enough at the start.
There were many things I could say were wrong about this beginning, from starting at a flashback to not properly introducing us to our characters but the biggest problem in my mind was the lack of explanation at the present.
Like I mentioned, starting at a flashback is a terrible idea as it gives the viewer high expectations only for it to be crushed the second it ends. Here, it shows a small portion of the battle at the Nightless City without much context then it quickly changes to 16 years later with a seemingly random group of people.
Another issue is the amount of useless characters who were introduced. In the other versions, there were only 2 Lan disciples who were given names and were introduced properly while here there were more than I want to count. Add to that the one telling stories about the YiLing Patriarch and the weird guy walking around with a flag, and you got yourself total confusion.
Donghua
This one was slightly less confusing to watch. As it starts with a clip of Wei Ying commanding corpses which matches the overall feel of the donghua. The rumors that he died stretched over the time skip and we meet this version of Mo Xuanyu who is caked with make up, whether or not he was a cut-sleeve (gay) in this version, I forgot.
It fully explains the curse and instead of having a couple of Lan disciples just standing there watching, we get to focus on the 2 important ones, Lan Sizhui and Lan JiYing. It gives us a slightly deeper insight into Wei Ying’s mind, as he states ‘you got the wrong one,’ just after being reincarnated, indicating that he isn’t as vicious as painted by the first few minutes of the show. Like the other versions, they also show how he considers the cons of using his demonic abilities and that Sizhui would probably tell on him to Lan Zhan, meaning that Sizhui was a keen, observant young man.
Manhua and the Novel
As for the introductions, these two were very similar. Both have the rumors of the Yiling Patriarch across the screen as we get further down the story and meet our main character.
It gets the details from the Donghua adaptation and mixes it with more information to create a more detailed account of what was happening, also making this Wei Ying seem smarter compared to his counterparts in other versions. He also hesitates more on showing his abilities, knowing that he’s going to be caught if he does.
Final Thoughts
As of writing this, I’m only halfway through the novel but it covers the portion until where the manhua is currently at. I would finish reading it before posting this but it would take too long and probably make this post even longer than it currently is, which isn’t such a good idea. If I had much more patience and effort I would really like to break down each arc and their differences from one another but I can’t be bothered right now. (Sorry)
I can safely say that in terms of adaptations, ‘The Untamed’ is relatively close to the novel, albeit a very condensed version. As flashback filled as it is, it wasn’t very confusing to watch past the first two episodes.
The Donghua adaptation takes several liberties, going more of an action oriented route instead of the calmer more, I wouldn’t say love but character oriented novel.
The manhua is definitely the closest to the novel, so if you really don’t want to read a lot of words, and I mean a lot of words, then go ahead and read it.
What else do I have to say...if you’re new to the story, welcome, if you’re a veteran who’s been here longer than me, sorry for taking up space on your feed. And congrats for making it to the end.
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izcana · 4 years ago
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Chills Down Your Spine
Thominho Week (Day 1): “Night”
***
All of Thomas' favourite 5 memories took place in the night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ #1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas had his head resting on the picnic blanket, and they were watching the stars.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Minho's low voice said, and Thomas shivered. "I used to do it when I was a kid."
"Yeah," Thomas agreed, smiling as he curled up unconsciously to the warmth Minho radiated. The stars were truly beautiful. "I agree."
The two laid on the blanket for a bit, their legs tangling with each other. It was normal for them to cuddle like this, per see, especially during the autumn. Thomas was especially sensitive to cold, hence why he had brought a thick quilt and worn three jumpers whereas Minho was only wearing a thin parka, and he still managed to radiate heat like a furnace. How he managed this Thomas had no idea, but he did.
Minho wrapped an arm around Thomas' lean frame, and it felt like coming home. Being great friends, they were very familiar with each other's habits, and Minho knew that Thomas would get cold. Thomas snuggled into the muscular arm of his best friend, and he knew he shouldn't be admiring how those biceps flexed under his neck. He shouldn't be mesmerised at how the dim light and smudged charcoal-like shadows dance on the surface of Minho's bronze skin.
The person admiring that should have been Minho's significant other. As much as Thomas wanted to be that person, he would never be. He would forever be Minho's loyal best friend, watching Minho date many other people, people a hundred times better than him. More beautiful. Smarter, sassier, more to Minho's taste. Thomas would never get to be that person.
The most Thomas would get is a place at Minho's side during the wedding, as his best man if he was lucky, but Minho would've probably moved on by then. Maybe he would've found another best friend, one cooler, funnier, more interesting than him. Would he ever receive an invitation to the wedding?
No, he told himself. Minho may not like you that way, but he would never give up the friendship. Never.
After all, no one knew Thomas better than Minho, and vice versa.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ #2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Happy birthday, Tom!" Teresa squealed, handing the aforementioned boy the present that was wrapped with a bright red bow.
Thomas took the present with a bright smile. His neon birthday-boy hat bounced on his head as he pounced on Teresa and engulfed her in a hug. "Thank you, thank you!" He squealed. If it was Minho, he would've been happy to receive Thomas as a birthday present, wrapped in a bow and everything. Minho might've been jealous of Teresa if he didn't know better; from an outsider's perspective, it did appear that Teresa was Thomas' girlfriend.
Minho remembered on the first day of high school when he thought the same thing.
"Hey, Greenie, " he said, grinning at the Greenie who peered up at his shoes shyly. Ooh, a pretty one, Minho thought.
"Hi," the kid who looked younger than him said, sending him a small smile. "Nice to meet you."
"Ya know," Minho added, because he was an annoying person, okay? "You usually say your name first, and then say 'nice to meet you'." Newt would've smacked him if he'd heard Minho "treat the Greenies like that", again. Honestly, Minho didn't see it as a big deal, but when you're a Greenie...well, he supposed it might be a bit scary to be faced off with Minho's sarcasm on your first day of school. The last Greenie, a 9th grader, "klunked in his trousers", as Newt described it.
Not this Greenie, though. He seemed to get Minho's sense of humour. "I'm Thomas," he said, his plush lips curving into a bemused smile. "Nice to meet you. Happy?"
"Very," Minho grinned. "I'm Minho."
"You forgot to say 'nice to meet you'," Thomas giggled. Minho hadn't gotten enough of that giggle, ever since.
"Nice to meet you, happy?" Minho mimicked with a squeaky voice.
"I gue –––" Before he could continue the word, he was interrupted by a pretty girl with black hair and blue eyes.
"Gosh, Tom!" She complained. "This is nothing like how Brenda said 'normal' high school was going to go!"
"Don't remind me, Tess," Thomas grinned. Minho had expected him to start snogging the girl right there. "This is my sister, Teresa," he continued. Or...not
Minho only stood there dumbly as he processed the information. Thomas...sister...Teresa? He was going to introduce himself wittily, but what came out instead was a sigh of: "You have the same nose."
Thomas laughed, throwing his neck back. Minho feasted hungrily upon the pale flesh that was dotted with moles that were scattered bizarrely on his neck.
Minho had paid attention in astronomy class ever since that day.
"How did you know I broke the last mug?" Thomas asked, tearing the paper frantically.
It was actually Minho who told Teresa about the broken mug. Thomas had looked so heartbroken about it, Minho had to get him a new mug. But, since he already had the perfect present planned, he couldn't be the one to wrap it in paper and tie a delicate bow around it in Thomas' favourite colour, grass green.
Thomas' heart broke over the silliest things, but that was why Minho loved him.
"Shooting star!" Thomas squealed. "Make a wish!"
I wish I can have Thomas forever, Minho thought, and when Thomas asked with his adorable puppy eyes, he replied: "If I told you, it wouldn't come true."
~~~~~~~~~~~~ #3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Minho?" Thomas said, blinking owlishly. "Can I sleep with you?" The innocent way he said those words almost made Minho choke. "It's cold tonight."
Oh. Oh. Leave Minho to make a big deal out of nothing. "I thought you were going to ask to get laid."
Thomas snickered. "Why would I ask? I could totally get laid!" He could, but Minho didn't tell him that.
"Sure, shank," Minho said instead. "Totally."
Thomas, not waiting for Minho's response, positioned himself in the middle of Minho's bed. The little slinthead..."Some room for me?" Minho said sarcastically, raising a bushy brow at the scene on the bed. "It's my bed?"
"It's mine now," Thomas declared, making a snow angel motion with his arms. His head was in a cute but genuine bird's nest on top of his head, and his cheeks had a bright flush that Minho wanted to kiss. "I've set the flag first."
Great. He would be cuddling with Thomas tonight, then.
Minho lifted Thomas and threw him unceremoniously onto the other side of the bed. "Move over, you shank."
Thomas groaned, already looking fast asleep. Minho squeezed onto the left side of his queen-sized bed and turned them both over to face the window. The window was on, and from there, the moonlight illuminated Thomas' bright, pale skin that was dotted with beauty marks, like pepper scattered onto a white sheet of paper.
"Thanks, Min," Thomas slurred from the depths of sleep, turning to face the window as well. This new position conveniently let Minho spoon Thomas, and for Thomas to wiggle himself into the curve between Minho's thighs and stomach, but neither were complaining about that. "Good night."
"Night, shank," Minho returned, and let himself fall asleep to the smell of Thomas' strawberry shampoo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ #4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Seriously, Minho?" Thomas groaned. "You didn't ask Sonya out? What is wrong with you?" For over a year, Thomas had been trying to set Minho up with people he would like, and ones that deserved his amazing friend. Namely, someone who wasn't him. Completely different from him. "Why must you make my job so complicated? I'm trying, you know?"
"Maybe it's because there's already someone I want to date, Thomas," Minho growled exasperatedly, pacing in circles around their bench.
"Then why don't you?" Thomas murmured. Why wouldn't Minho date someone he wanted to?
"Because that person seems to be under the impression that I want to date other people," Minho said, looking straight at Thomas. It was like he was staring into Thomas' soul and telling him to "get lost, I've got somebody better and you'll never be that 'somebody'."
Thomas sniffled slightly, but kept it to himself. His best friend deserved the best, and though Thomas didn't think that person deserved Minho (since let's face it, Minho is amazing and no one deserves him), he could stand by his side. "I could try to help you convince them?"
Minho plopped down onto the sofa and laid his head back. "Why must you do this to yourself, Thomas?"
Thomas cocked a brow. He was radiating confusion by then. If Minho didn't want him to help, what did he want? "Do what?"
"Demeaning yourself," Minho sighed. "Making yourself less."
"I'm not!" Thomas retorted. He wasn't, right? Nobody was good enough for Minho.
"You're the person I want to date, Thomas!" Minho yelled, making Thomas jump into the air. "You're the one who keeps setting me up with other people! I just want to date you!" He rolled his eyes at the amber eyed boy who was frozen ridged, his hands clasped on his lap.
"You...want to date...me?" Thomas inquired, blinking slowly. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"Yes, I want to date you, Thomas," Minho rolled his eyes, taking a seat next to Thomas on the bench.
Thomas looked up at the stars. "I want to date you, too."
Minho wagged a finger at him. "We will talk about this insecurity thing, shank," he warned, but made no move to do it before pulling Thomas into a kiss.
As the two melted into the rejoice of their mouths, Thomas thought to himself: this is my favourite memory.
(Bonus: they get married under the moon and stars, laid stark for all to see.)
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heterophobiclanwangji · 5 years ago
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Stupid Sexy Shizun
(an unnecessarily long post about Shen QIngqiu, romantic storylines, and dangerous fanon)
I see a lot of varying characterizations for Shen Qingqiu, especially vis a vis his allure to the other (typically male) members of the cast. Frankly, I do think the entire thing is funnier if a lot of people are in love with Shen Qingqiu, who only really recognizes Luo Binghe (and even then only after nearly apocalyptic levels of drama), and I’m willing to believe that he is unwittingly attractive for the following reasons:
he unintentionally falls into suggestive situations (the Skinner incident with the immortal binding cables, the Huan Hua Palace Water Dungeon, also with immortal binding cables For Some Reason, the succubus incident with Liu Qingge, etc.)
he may fall into improper/informal forms of address (for example, calling Binghe by name the first time they meet, rather than Luo Binghe or any of the previous Shen Qingqiu’s, er, nicknames)
he doesn’t always understand physical boundaries the same way as other characters (yikes @ the scene in one of the extras where he gives Binghe spiritual energy via skin-to-skin contact and fails to understand how/why that would be inappropriate, and potentially the situation with Liu Qingge cleansing his meridians, although I have reservations about that)
he tends to objectify people, which makes more sense when you realize he’s evaluating them based on his understanding of their characters and function in the original plot and cataloging differences, but reads differently to people who don’t have that context (which is almost everyone) (he makes internal comments about how hot a lot of the characters are, and I feel like he stares at people, but I can’t remember a specific incident for this; in conversations, it comes up in lines like “even if something bad happens, it won’t happen to you,” or “I knew you would definitely win,” both spoken to Binghe--at this point Shen Qingqiu doesn’t know Binghe very well and still sees him as The Protagonist, but to Binghe they just seem like heartwarming moments of security and belief)
he has trouble enforcing platonic guidelines to his relationships due to his fundamental belief that no one would find him attractive, be it romantically or sexually, and therefore sees no reason to draw that distinction (not going to cite specific incidences for this, it’s more of a recurring combination of his low self-esteem and lack of self-awareness, which I may talk about later in another post).
however, some reasons I have seen in fandom that do not seem likely based on my understanding of the plot and characters (although I will be the first to admit that I do not remember every single detail of the novel or extras, and that Shen Qingqiu is not the most reliable narrator to start with) are as follows:
fan language (technically possible, no indications given in canon, and you cannot convince me that Mr. I-Named-This-Poison-With-No-Cure-Without-A-Cure, Great God Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky had the patience and wherewithal to research or create a comprehensive fan language)
owning and using slutty, slutty inner robes (this would require the cutthroat, inscrutable original Shen Qingqiu to own such robes in the first place, I don’t remember any canonical references to improper dress aside from instances where he has been disrobed--the Skinner incident, Huan Hua Palace Water Dungeon, and his QingSi treatment--, and Shen Qingqiu has a healthy paranoia about governing his appearances so people won’t realize he isn’t the original goods; yes, the Peak Lords suspect him of being possessed anyway, but to my knowledge their reasons centered around his personability and investment in his students rather than robes or hair ornamentation)
eating suggestive foods (this one is slightly debatable. again, he doesn’t see himself as someone people would find attractive, so I can’t discount the idea that he would inadvertently eat something in a suggestive manner. however, I saw someone have him request dishes involving aphrodisiacs, and I was like, WACK. He probably had a cataloged index of the different weird plants and monsters of PIDW before his transmigration and ranted excessively in the comments about all of the pointless precursors to papapa, up to and including creating different plants/animal organs that have the same or better effects and then yelled at Airplane for not keeping better track of his own inventions. This is the guy who saw Liu Qingge under the effects of succubus poison or whatever and immediately knocked him into a cold bath. you won’t catch him slipping that easily)
enabling Binghe to get away with suggestive/improper and sexualized behavior while he was still a teenaged disciple. I think this one really gets to me because that narrative of the virginal innocent Shizun and his perverted disciple is the exact view that the outside world has of their dynamic, as represented by the fragments of The Resentment of Chunshan that we see in the extras. People see Binghe as a depraved monster (he is a demon, after all) and make insinuations about his treatment of Shen Qingqiu’s corpse during the five years between his death and resurrection. For contrast, the crux of the novel is Shen Qingqiu realizing that Binghe is hurt and insecure and desperately begging to be loved. In the extras he even goes through some of Binghe’s memories and remarks about how, contrary to rumor, all Binghe did was keep his body from rotting while he searched for ways to revive him. I won’t say that Binghe wasn’t a teenage boy and never did what teenage boys do, but the extras showed us that Binghe would rather throw himself into a cold lake than act inappropriately towards his Shizun, and I can’t remember him making any sexual advances until after Shen Qingqiu came back to life. In canon, Binghe is ill-informed and generally bad at sex, which doesn’t speak to me like someone who was just waiting for the right moment to strike.
I will read a hundred fics about Shen Qingqiu inadvertently causing people to fall in love with him, but a lot of fanworks try to make it about a physical allure rather than his personality and the ways in which he feels comfortable interacting with other people. People respond to his kindness and his feelings of duty and honor, and it makes me feel cheated to see interpretations downplay characteristics of his actual personality, especially when it degrades the characters around him, too. Yue Qingyuan feels protective of him but generally listens when Shen Qingqiu tells him not to draw his sword, and in canon he gave Shen Qingqiu enough space that he was surprised by the extent of his grief when Binghe was in the Endless Abyss. Liu Qingge is also protective of Shen Qingqiu and is involved in getting Shen Qingqiu’s promise to remain with Cang Qiong Mountain Sect before the Maigu Ridge incident, but doesn’t stop him from leaving when he decides to go. Binghe makes some questionable choices, but his anger and insecurity are understandable even without the rampant communication failures and the influence of Xin Mo, and the end of the novel shows that Luo Binghe is willing to leave if that’s what Shen Qingqiu wants.
Sometimes fan interpretations get really intense about this, as if Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Luo Binghe would catfight over Shen Qingqiu. Granted, Liu Qingge and Luo Binghe are willing to throw down at any given time, but the main romantic development comes from Shen Qingqiu treating other people with respect and receiving respect in return. While people do try to influence Shen QIngqiu’s decisions, the ultimate choice is his own.
One of the points of the novel is that people matter and their choices affect not only themselves but the people around them. I don’t care if Shen Qingqiu is some kind of accidental sex god, because his choices and especially his decision to care about other people give Yue Qingyuan, Liu Qingge, and Luo Binghe each something they didn’t have in the original storyline: Yue Qingyuan gets a chance to explain himself and his failures, and is relieved of his burden of caring for Shen Qingqiu; Liu Qingge gets to live and see his little sister grow up; and Luo Binghe gets to be loved and cared for.
As for Shen Qingqiu, he got to choose his own happy ending.
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travllingbunny · 4 years ago
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The 100 rewatch: 5x05 Shifting Sands
After four really strong episodes at the beginning of season 5, this is a slower episode focused on developing the new dynamics. This episode is by no means bad, and there are some lovely character moments in it - but this is, unfortunately, where the plot starts getting kind of boring. It’s the start of many subplots that, either intentionally or unintentionally, ended up not mattering much for the overall story.
Some of the subplots introduced:
the mutant worms - I’m not a fan of this subplot, which the show will literally chuck out 5 episodes later. Also, it’s gross. I don’t like to have to actually avert my eyes from the screen. The show was really going for the Alien vibe here.
Zaven romance was probably meant to be Raven’s endgame, but unfortunately, Jordan Bolger got another role and we know what happened. And now all that screentime devoted to the development of their relationship feels like a waste of time, which may be unfair to season 5, but it is what it is. In itself, it’s not the worst romantic subplot by any means, but it’s another rushed romance.
It seemed like the show was going somewhere with the friendship between Diyoza and Kane (with some flirty moments that could have at least suggested even more) - don’t get me wrong, I was very much against it being a ship (not a fan of Stockholm Syndrome romances, and Kabby is one of the very few well developed romantic relationships on the show), but every relationship involving Kane got pushed aside when Henry Ian Cusick decided to leave the show. In S6, only Kabby and his friendship with Indra were addressed. On the other hand, it’s always it’s nice to get more Diyoza backstory, which we get when she tells her story to Kane: her suicide attempt - when marines who used to be her own team came to arrest her and after they killed her father. 
Both Diyoza’s shock collars and Vinson are introduced. Vinson is a very unusual character for The 100 - which is full of leaders, warriors and cult leaders, but which doesn’t usually feature cannibal serial killers. I have to say that I quite liked where they went with this character - he was like an embodiment of Abby’s demons (addiction, cannibalism during the Dark Year) and the demons that almost destroyed the Kabby relationship.
The last scene sets up the main plot of the next episode, which is Octavia and Bellamy arguing about Echo… Not the best subplot out there.
In Eden, Diyoza shows again that she may be ruthless but she’s smart - she is against waging war in Eden and potentially destroying the only habitable land on Earth. Not such good news: she wants to use missiles on Wonkru, which makes sense - especially since they are, from her POV, a bunch of dangerous fanatics. (Actually, they are a bunch of dangerous fanatics, period.)She is aware that the rest of Spacekru are still somewhere in the woods, as is Madi (since she knew 5 of them were almost captured by her people, when Madi saved them). The rivalry between her and McCreary is highlighted again - and we also learn about their history. (Which is going to be important because of a certain reveal that will be coming soon…) I guess Diyoza was more honest than McCreary knew when she dismissed his sexual prowess as “that was torture, too” - since we learn in S7 that she had sex with him to get him to be on her side in the rebellion.
Diyoza’s choice of sex partners may not be the best, but she has good taste in music and hates speed metal or trash metal or whatever that was just as much as I do. “Play something with a beat” - exactly!
Kane in the meantime offers intel on Octavia in exchange for a guarantee of protecting Raven and Murphy, but his other reason is that he thinks Octavia will get all of Wonkru killed and wants to stop her.
And we get more of McCreary torturing someone, this time Raven and Murphy. McCreary torturing various people is a recurring thing this season. Is there any episode where he isn’t either murdering, torturing or both? I guess no one has told him that torture is not an efficient or reliable way of extracting information… but it’s quite possible he doesn’t care. Shaw gets to be reluctantly present during someone’s torture again - not a great way to get to know your future girlfriend. The fact that she’s in pain and tortured for who-knows-which-time may be why Raven is showing her judgmental streak again, this time dissing Shaw for lying about the fact he was the one who disabled the missiles and accusing him of getting them tortured to save his ass, which is technically true but ignores the facts that 1) he saved hundreds of Wonkru, 2) he saved Raven’s and Murphy’s lives, and 3) admitting the truth wouldn’t have helped anyone. But Raven also shows her smarts and comes up with a good plan how to get Murphy out so he can inform others about the missiles - and does some really good acting when she pretends she’s furious with Shaw.
One of the highlights of the episode is Murphy meeting Madi for the first time (”hobbit” as he refers to her), as everyone is in the Rover that Madi is driving. Murphy is not happy when Madi says she thought he would be funnier, and even less so when she says Octavia is her favorite. (It’s OK, Murphy, Hope and Jordan (during his rebellious phase) will love you.)
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Contrary to what you’ll often hear in the fandom, Spacekru have been, in these early episodes, talking repeatedly about the fact that Clarke saved them and thanking her. They mentioned it all by themselves in 5x03. Bellamy told Clarke ‘Clarke, you saved us all!” in 5x04 and Raven tearfully thanked her for saving their lives. And now Echo tells Madi they wouldn’t have made it without Clarke, and Harper confirms it.
When Murphy realizes that his shock collar/tracker can be used as a bomb, he tells the others to leave him and save themselves and go warn Bellamy - which , I believe, is the first time that Murphy has been really unselfish and unconcerned with saving his own life. Emori has, up to that point, been hostile to him, accusing him of selfishness (she even jumped to the conclusion that he left Raven to die to save himself). But the moment he says this, you can see her face and her whole attitude changing. She says nothing, just staring at him - and then stays with him instead of going with the others. (Murphy will again be unselfish and ask others to leave him to save thrmselves in the season 5 finale, and Emori will refuse to leave him.)
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………..
In Polis, there are more reunions: Clarke gets to interact with Jackson and Miller. Jackson tells her they could have used her in the bunker (Clarke replies that they had her mom, and Jackson’s silence hints that something is wrong, but she’ll only find out what much later).This is an interesting “What if” - what if Clarke and/or Bellamy had been in the bunker? How would that have affected everything - Octavia and Abby, above all? Indra later tells Bellamy that Octavia needs him. She is clearly not one of those who drank Kool-Aid and hopes for Bellamy to be a good influence on her, the way she obviously wishes she could be, but Octavia is not listening to her. Cooper, on the other hand, is Octavia’s yes-woman and clearly encourages her worst behavior. Miller still seems somewhere in between at this point - unlike Jackson, he tells Clarke not to get involved, but then changes his mind and tells Blodreina that Clarke has something to tell her.
(This is also a rare occasion: an actual Mackson kiss.)
Clarke and Bellamy are starting to realize that Octavia is pretty scary now, starting with the way her cult worships her and turns against anyone daring to criticize or question her, and then with the way Octavia herself has changed. The episode does a good job of showing that she has been losing her grip on reality,  and apparently drinking her own Kool-Aid a bit too much. She is obsessed what she sees as her messianic role pf delivering her people to Eden, and trying to get her people through the desert during the sandstorm, contrary to the advice of Clarke, who actually knows the terrain, (Maybe she’s taken it too much to heart to continue Jaha’s legacy.) Some of the things Octavia says in this episode:
“The wind hasn’t met Wonkru” - many people mock it as one of the worst lines in the show, but I like it, I think it’s intentionally hilarious, one of the few funny moments this season - and meant to show what ridiculous things Octavia says when she’s boasting in front of Wonkru. All the Wonkru members fully accept it while only Bellamy and Clarke are looking at her with WTF? faces.
She also says “Wonkru doesn’t retreat” And then orders retreat at the end of the episode. She’s not fully delusional.
“That valley is (our home) and we’re taking it back” - Back? When did she/they have it exactly? I guess she may just be considering everything that any of the clans had/where they lived as belonging to Wonkru… but she’s never even been there
“Thanks to you, we’re at war” to Bellamy again (would it have been better to stay locked in the bunker forever?)
“You don’t understand because you’re not one of us”
and finally, she straight up threatens her brother if he keeps questioning her.
During a meal by the campfire at night, while Wonkru are chanting “All of me for all of us”, we find out that Octavia is trying to live by the “Love is weakness” maxim, which is here retconed as something that all Flamekeepers teach all Commanders (and that Gaia is teaching her now, accordingly), rather than just a Titus/Lexa thing, as it seemed in season 3. (Which in itself was a retcon, since it first seemed in season 2 that it was just something Lexa came up with as a result of her tragic experience with losing her lover Costia.) And yes, it’s love in general, not just romantic love. “Love no one, and no one can hurt you”, says Octavia, and she clearly includes her brother in that. Indra rejects that and replies with “I love you”, asking if that makes her weak. This is a recurring theme in the show: Clarke and Octavia have both gone through “Love is weakness” phase. (And now in season 7, it’s time for Bellamy - only this time, this idea came to him in the form “love is selfish”, and that he should love all mankind rather than focus on love for individual people.)
Clarke finds something “beautiful” and impressive in Wonkru’s unity - maybe because she has been alone for so long. The long isolation has changed her - she seems less assertive when she’s around others, although, to be fair, it doesn’t help that she’s not in the position to be a part of the leadership while they are around Wonkru. But she’s also shy and vulnerable when Bellamy - after telling her how amazing she was for surviving so long on her own - tries to make her talk about that time. She starts saying “Well, I wasn’t alone” - and if she immediately answered “I had Madi”, that would be nothing strange, but the way Clarke makes a long awkward pause and seems to catch herself, before saying “I had Madi”, and then quickly leaves, almost as if running away - suggest that maybe she was, for a moment, thinking and going to say something else - something about radio calls that allowed her to keep her sanity. Subsequent events have certainly supported this interpretation - we will learn in 5x13 that Clarke has been keeping it a secret from Bellamy (when Madi tells him, she says “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this”), and when Bellamy finally reveals in 6x01 that he knows about them, Clarke is again very shy and embarrassed and almost runs away from the conversation.
But at this point, Bellamy doesn’t know any of that, and I don’t think he understands Clarke’s state of mind. To him, it must seem like she’s withdrawing into herself. 
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Later on, the two of them get another moment, and this time it’s Clarke’s turn to tell Bellamy how awesome he is. She praises him for not killing the prisoners in cryo and for saving her, and says “the Heart and the Head” - recalling their conversation from over 6 years ago,. in 4x13, when she told him to use his head and not just his heart. She’s saying that he’s using both his heart and his head now. Bellamy repeats “The Heart and the Head”, and I believe that’s the first time they’ve said that phrase to each other. Now they have another canon catchphrase to describe their relationship, in addition to “Together”. (They will say it again - a little different - in 6x10: “The Head and the Heart”.)  Clarke then asks Bellamy “What does your head say about fighting a war (etc.)” and he replies “Same as yours”. Which is just crying for a callback to happen in the final season. Will we get Bellamy and Clarke saying “What does your heart say…”?
Clarke - in a rare moment of medically treating someone (something she did a lot in season 1, but rarely after that), saves Octavia’s life from the worms. And - in one of her better moments in this episode - Octavia thanks for her saving her life. Sadly, their relationship is not going to be that harmonious in the rest of S5.
And at the end of this episode - more reunions! The rover comes with Madi, Monty, Harper and Echo, with three memorable reunion moments:
I love the moment when Monty greets Octavia (he still has no idea how much she has changed) and she greets him back with the most awkward smile ever. It’s like she isn’t sure if she can be Octavia now that she’s Blodreina but she’s acting like her old self for a moment with an old friend who has no idea what she’s like now. 
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And this is just moments after she has threatened her brother. This camerawork in this episode is quite interesting - the way it plays with focus. When Octavia threatens Bellamy, while Clarke looks at them, concerned, we have Octavia/Bellamy in focus and Clarke out of it, and then the reverse.
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And then in the reunion scene at the end, after we see Clarke and Madi running into each other’s arms for a big hug, and then we also see Echo and Bellamy running towards each other - it’s interesting and very telling that. as we see Clarke and Madi hugging and Bellamy and Echo kissing, in the same frame, the Becho kiss is out of focus throughout, while the camera zooms on Clarke’s reaction. While the first Becho kiss we saw (in 5x01) served the purpose to reveal the relationship to the audience, this time, the kiss is there just for Clarke’s and Octavia’s reactions to it, and this frame screams - what matters here is Clarke finding out about Becho.
Does this look familiar? Oh yes, we saw the same kind of scene and the exact same facial expression from Clarke in 1x05 when she learned that Finn had a girlfriend.
(But in case you ignored this moment, since it’s subtle - the dramatic music only starts with Octavia’s reaction to seeing her brother with her old enemy, which is the cliffhanger - don’t worry, you’ll get another scene of Clarke looking sad while Becho are kissing, in the next episode.)
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And here’s the (melo)dramatic cliffhanger! I guess the audience is supposed to be on Bellamy’s and Echo’s side as Octavia is showing once again she can stare daggers - but I suspect many were on Octavia’s side on this one, since we’re pretty much in the same boat as Octavia and Clarke -, for us and for them, comes from nowhere, after we’ve only known them as enemies. Especially Octavia - Clarke did spend semi-amicable moments with Echo and witness Bellamy spending them just before Praimfaya. Octavia's last memories of Echo are… Echo mortally wounding Ilian, Bellamy almost strangling Echo for trying to kill Octavia/cheat them all out of the bunker, and Octavia banishing Echo. and Echo briefly trying to threaten her with telling the other Grounders about the Skaikru rebellion.
Was this really necessary in terms of the conflict between the Blakes? I don’t think so. They’ve already been butting heads over Octavia’s leadership and actions and her intention to fight a war - but yay, we are getting an episode centered around Octavia objecting to Bellamy’s girlfriend, which will ultimately go nowhere and matter little in terms of overall Bellamy/Octavia relationship this season.
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Body count: 12 Wonkru members died: Obika died a horrible death from mutant worms. (His death will haunt Miller, who was with him when he was attacked by the worm, during the red sun eclipse in 6x02, when Miller hallucinated having bugs inside of him and yelled he would end up the same as Obika.) 11 other Wonkru members died from Diyoza’s missile, which means there are 801 left.
Rating: 6/10
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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago
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 tgcf lb the second. chapters 7-13
love that we’re getting fu yao and nan feng described as “two little pretty boys” amazing and completely as expected also everything theyve done is 10000% funnier now
The military officials heard their impromptu, slapstick live comedy and couldn’t help but smile. The dissatisfaction in their hearts had dissipated a lot, and they felt a bit more closer to the other three. This resulted in the sedan chair becoming much more stable. - tbh it is often true that if you make people laugh they are more likely to like you in my experience. to be fair what xie lian did was funny theyre a funny trio
okay time for some creatures and beings. base slaves do sound terrifying no thank you i do not like hordes. remind me a bit of husks from mass effect and those were the worst so. also xie lian wielder of silk ribbons i like it
im very :eyes: at fu yao and nan feng rn. i think theres more going on with them..... i have suspicions but we’ll see
well goodbye butterfly boy who crushes skulls and spiritual arrays and sick boots and taught me what a vambrace is. im guessing we shall meet again i have the strangest feeling that ive heard about you
In fact, all of the dead people in this room wore wedding garments while smiling even in death. - grim!!! spooky!!!
The moment he finished saying that, he pinched that corpse’s face twice. The youngster only felt that the skin beneath his hands felt smooth like tofu, making people’s hearts feel itchy.  - eww!!!! also dont feel up the corpse buddy wtf. also everyone leave little ying alone
Drip, drop. Drip, drop. This created the frightening scene of a forest filled with corpses as blood rained down from above. even more grim!! - happy halloween kids
When he heard Fu Yao’s explanation, Xie Lian thought in his heart, ‘This name was truly unnecessary. If it was a ‘Devastation’, then it was a ‘Devastation’. If it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. Just like how there were only the phrases, ‘ascended’ and ‘haven’t ascended yet’. There were no such things as ‘near ascending’ or ‘approaching ascending’. On the contrary, adding on a ‘near’ word made people feel awkward. - nevermind the deaths, xie lian needs to make some points about semantics. it has nothing to do with the situation at hand and i love it
QI RONG IVE HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM MY MUTUALS!!! terrified
Who knew how many times he had already said that phrase tonight. Every time something happened, Xie Lian would have to say it at least thirty to forty times. However, there would always be people who turned a deaf ear to his warnings. He felt truly quite helpless. - not sure if this is be xie lian is dressed up as a bride or if its just his bad luck. or if its bc thats just how people are. either way i feel you buddy
“Excuse me for this.” Xie Lian grabbed a hand from each bride before placing them on each other’s necks. The two brides suddenly touched something and were very surprised. Since they couldn’t see anything, they began to fiercely destroy each other. - xie lian stop being funny fjlkajdfs;kasj also right after this he goes into his street performer spiel upon being applauded. amazing
the visual of this fight with the villagers inside the ruoye loop and all the brides is pretty sick. also xi lian on the spirit phone to ling wen while the villagers cheer is very funny
heteronormativity obfuscates another mystery... but also a possessive jealous bride walking on her knees... thats quite a figure!! and tbh it is interesting that everyone assumed that the ghost was a bridegroom who didnt want to see happy couples and not a bride who didnt want to see happy couples. congrats xie lian for thinking
bruh she ripped his skull out and it screamed
i mean the indiscriminate killing of innocent women is bad but other than that im on her side tbh fuck this general pei guy
ow wtf i just cried a little bit. xie lian’s reassurance to little ying... her response.... wtf ;_;
As for the matter between General Pei and Xuan Ji, unless one was directly involved, it was better not to comment on who was right or wrong. He could only pity those seventeen innocent brides, the military officials and drivers who had escorted them. It truly was an unexpected disaster.  - valid. still sympathetic to her tho i just am
human face plague..... bruh. okay might have to alternate between reading this and watching hannibal not sure i wanna do those together
He really wanted to hang a sign on his back saying, ‘Ascension is not as good as collecting scraps’ and promote it in the mortal world.  - this lb is officially just funny xie lian moments now
The meaning behind his words were basically, the female ghost Xuan Ji causing trouble could not be blamed on General Pei, because she originally did not have the ability to cause it. If they wanted to pin the blame on someone, then they should pin it on Green Ghost Qi Rong, for it was him who took in Xuan Ji and gave her the ability to harm people. - told you. i was right to blame the men
i have indeed seen the donghua trailer so my suspicions that butterfly boy was indeed hua cheng being confirmed are just like. yep. exactly as expected.
i read the second half of chapter 12 on my phone so i didnt get any quotes but hua cheng rise to infamy funny. xie lian listening to it all and just going “hehe silver butterflies pretty” is also funny
i forgot that xie lian was in debt but im glad he paid it off good for him be free
After a while, Ling Wen really couldn’t stand it anymore and privately told him, “Your Highness ah, the things you send in the spirit communication array are all very good, however, I’m afraid that even a Heavenly Official a few hundred years older than you wouldn’t send them.” - fakhlsdfjakl; ling wen really told xie lian he was facebook grandparent posting in the spirit communication array
Since he couldn’t fix this, then it was still better to just forget about it. Xie Lian gave up on this issue, and as a result, stopped being gloomy as well. - you know what i respect that attitude i really do. xie lian said well ill just get over it and he did. i need to do this with twitter
However, this kind of problem didn’t exist for Xie Lian. With the curse upon him, he was no different compared to mortals, and thus could eat everything. And because he was a seasoned veteran of a hundred battles, no matter what he ate, he wouldn’t die. Whether it was a steamed bun that had been lying around for a month, or pastries that already sprouted some green mold, he would definitely be fine after eating those things. Since he had a constitution like this that defied the heavens, he actually got by alright during the period he collected scraps. - im sorry i know i keep saying it but xie lian is so funny i love him fjasdlfsdjfadksl literally king of eating garbage i love him so much
okay more hua cheng lore next time. and this interloper in the cart... ok
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x0401x · 5 years ago
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Hey miss wonderful taste in everything, can you recommend us some of your favorite KyoAni productions?
Sure! I love doing recs and I’m literally taking any sort of positive content related to KyoAni lately because we truly need it at the moment. Long post alert, though. Here goes my top 10:
1. Hyouka
This one will probably be my first choice forever. It’s KyoAni’s most brilliant work so far and easily one of the best animes I’ve ever watched, hands down. It’s also their finest novel-to-anime adaptation in my opinion, and one of the very few animation series that actually turned out better than their source material.
The books are extremely interesting, but they’re also bland. The alterations made to the anime added visual value to it in order to make it more alluring and appealing, turning ordinary situations into rather unique and thought-provoking settings, while managing to never deviate from its novel counterpart. The changes on the characters’ designs were also a very good choice in my opinion, as they fit more into the character archetypes and the impressions they give off.
This one is honestly an example for the whole anime industry and a timeless gem. I’m pretty certain that it was one of the studio’s turning points in terms of animation style. Surely will become a classic in the future.
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2. Koe no Katachi
KyoAni’s most well-done movie, as far as I can tell. I’m specially fond of the symbolism of every scene and the effort put on the scenery, which gave an effect of depth to the frames. The studio managed to portray the mangaka’s art style while staying true to its own trademark traits as well.
Animation quality and sound design aside, it’s also loyal enough to the manga. There were cuts in order to fit the story into the time limit, but KyoAni made up for the gaps with later released specials. The movie is also considerably less dramatic than the original, yet I’m certain that the alterations in that regard were made so that the transition between the phases of the story wouldn’t feel rushed. Albeit in a much more uplifting way, it nevertheless managed to transmit the characters’ essence and emotions.
What caught my attention the most in this movie was the soundtrack, though. There was a lot of care in its production, and it was clearly made to be gentle and almost imperceptible, with glitch-like repetitions here and there, as if it means to put the viewers in the shoes of the deaf heroine. It certainly did its job well.
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3. Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu!
First anime from KyoAni I’ve ever watched, aside from the Inuyasha movies. Easily one of their funniest series, if not the actual funniest. It has a very special place in my heart. I dropped Amagi Brilliant Park on the first episode, but I’d cry internally every time I saw Bonta-kun in it. The nostalgia is strong, kids.
It’s got excellent animation for the year it was made, and I dare say it’s more decently animated than many current animes. The pacing is dynamic and the jokes vary from over-the-top to smart and witty in a smooth way. I also give this one kudos for not relying nearly as much on fanservice as more recent titles.
For the people who didn’t watch the first Full Metal Panic, I suggest doing so before trying this one out. Anyone who enjoys the two should also watch the second season, Full Metal Panic: The Second Raid, which comes right after Fumoffu and was also animated by KyoAni.
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4. Clannad
This one I deem as the best out of KyoAni’s most notorious classics. I also recommend the other titles related to this one, such as Clannad: Another Story.
Much like Hyouka, it’s a masterpiece in every aspect. It has a very non-cliché and unconveninent plot that deals with delicate themes in a sensible way and tears your heart apart at the same time. Frankly exemplary to the drama genre and exceptional as a visual novel adaptation.
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5. Free!
The franchise became lackluster after the first director left, but the first two seasons were fun enough in their own right. Unlike most novel-to-anime adaptations, Free! started with original content through creating a future for the main story, which was turned into the not-so-distant past in the anime. This is unusual enough, but it worked out well as the anime maintained itself as loyal as possible to the first book and never went off the rails with the plot. The main characters’ personalities did suffer many alterations, yet it’s obvious that they meant to make the two more charismatic and likeable. As far as fan responses went, it worked.
I find very interesting that the creators were aware the story took itself too seriously at times, and they made this clear by compensating the heavy melancholy with heavy comedy. They also compensated the overdramatic atmosphere of the first season by picking up the pace and getting a little more serious in the second season. Everything was intentional and designed to be a hit amongst women, which I think had served the purpose until the first movie came out.
To be honest, I’m not fond of the exaggerated fanservice, but it gets easy to ignore it after a while if you only pay attention to the storyline. I don’t consider myself a fan of Free!, and I actually took very long to start liking it. I only did get into it at the last scene of episode 8, back when the first season was still airing. It was only by this time that I could see the true value of the series, so I recommend anyone who tries it out to go at least that far with it. I know it might be a lot of work, but in my honest opinion, it’s worth the trouble.
I deem the High Speed! novel awe-inspiring because of its nostalgic tone and the awfully realistic depiction of childhood crises. The most serious situations of it are a little out of reality, but the rest is absurdly relatable in levels that I myself don’t know how to put into words. Yet I also appreciate Free! for its strong tone of encouragement. It feels like the creators are trying to cheer up the viewers.
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6. Kyoukai no Kanata
It starts becoming a mess from episode 4 onward, yet the beginning was quite promising. This one relies heavily on fanservice, often makes use of nonsensical tropes for the sake of comedy and sometimes goes overboard with the jokes. However, it doesn’t fail to deliver emotional value and the action is pretty neat. Anyone who hasn’t read the novel will definitely be able to enjoy it as a standalone.
I don’t think I need to mention it, but the animation is stellar. I in particular love the blurry movement effects of when the characters draw their weapons and the geometrical spectrums in the colorful power barriers. I also recommend the OVA, as well as the second movie I’ll be Here, although the latter is 100% original content. It was actually cute and fun to watch. The first movie is merely one huge recap.
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7. Hibike! Euphonium
Truly dazzling take on slice-of-life. It’s healing and heartrending at the same time. The way that characters are portrayed allows the viewers to feel their passion and dedication without it occasionally feeling unrealistic. Everyone has their own problems, but none of them are taken out of proportion. Miscommunication happens, just not in a frustrating shoujo manga way.
The soundtrack and scenery are breathtaking, yet the forte of the animation in this one was the huge amount of detail put into the eyes and hair. Everyone’s hairdos are remarkably glossy without ever looking weird, and I especially like how their eyes all glinter in different colors.
The author published another volume of the novel after the anime, saying it had inspired her to write more, and it’s no wonder. I also recommend season two and the OVA. The first two movies are just recaps and the third was to me a disappointment, so I leave those to people’s own discretion.
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8. Tamako Market
Rather odd but nice story. It blends iyashikei elements with a peculiar plot and actually manages to do that in a cute way. All of the characters are likeable and the visuals do a good job in transmitting what they have to transmit in a very relaxing manner.
This show caught me off-guard by how unproblematic it was. It has trans, gay and dark-skinned characters, but none of them is ever used for fanservice or jokes and their respective circumstances are portrayed as 100% normal, which is sadly still rare in anime even nowadays. The romance is pretty not-dramatic and filled to the brim with fluff, and I very much like that the main guy treats his female love rival as a serious threat.
I recommend the specials and the movie as well. Especially the movie, which is basically the same as direct sugar injestion and gave me diabetes.
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9. Munto
Also has a special place in my heart. Cheesy but good, actually. I’d be lying if I said there aren’t some surprises in it, though, but I’ll refrain from giving too much info on the story itself.
It was firstly an OVA, but then got adapted into three movies. The animation was done finely enough, but there’s a drastic change in style from the first to the second half, though I myself didn’t really mind it. The characters are all well-stablished and the plot is consistent. There’s a present quality of feminist shades in it and the relationships are very endearing.
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10. Nichijou
Not really one of my favorites but certainly one that I recommend for people who are in need of a laugh. It’s got some pretty creative and iconic humor. Its imaginative retakes on routinely affairs manage to transform the most trivial real-life situations into Oscar-worthy wit. It also gets nonsensical every so often, but this fits within the show’s own narrative.
It has a very unique animation that sometimes mixes different styles of art, which only makes every scene a hundred times funnier for being so soft and adorable. It varies from hyperrealistic to surrealistic at the speed of light and sometimes even becomes abstract as hell. It’s full of notes on Japanese culture, not only about daily life but also about media, which adds up to the fun.
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scullysexual · 5 years ago
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Charlee’s Solo X-Files Rewatch: 01x03: Tooms
Yeah there’s no board this week because I forgot to make one and I’m almost on my period and can’t move. 
😊 = Yes.
😞  = No.
😡 = It happens/it appears and I’m not happy about it.
❌ = It doesn’t appears/happens and I can’t be sad about it. 
MONSTER OF THE WEEK EPISODE.
Case: Mulder and Scully investigate a series of killings were a one hundred year old man (or koala) can fit through impossibly small spaces.
Monster: Eugene Victor Tooms.
Favourite Quote: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
Would I recommend It: Yes! It’s great. If you wanted people to get on board with the MoW episodes this was a great way to go.
My Initial Thoughts: I don’t find this episode as creepy as other people do.
State: Maryland.
Special Minor Character of the Episode: Tom Colton.
Special Prop of the Episode: The Microfiche Projector.
Mulder’s Theory: A 100 year old serial killer is going around and overpowering 6 ft something men.
Scully’s Scientific Explanation: Genetic mutation.
Inappropriate Mulder Humour: That entire Reticulan speech.
Inappropriate 90’s Terminology:  😞
Scully’s Favourite Sentence(s): Are you suggesting I go before the Violent Crimes Unit…
Scully Doesn’t Suffer:  😡 (she gets attacked by Tooms
Mulder Drives: 😊
Scully Drives: 😊 (well, she’s sitting in a car that she must have driven over to the crime scene)
Brief Case Appearance:  😞
Sharing Glasses:  😞
Scully Says OMG:  😞
Scully Autopsy:  😞
Scully Smiles:  😞
Scully Writes a Report: 😊
Scully Ditch:  ❌
Scully Pyjamas:  😞
Scully Wears A Skirt:  😞
Stupid Tiny Gun Watch:  😡
Mulder’s Hand on Scully’s Back:  😞
Mulder and Scully Talk On The Phone:  😞
Scully Costume Change: 8.
 Below the cut are my thoughts throughout the episode. You don’t have to read them if you don’t want to. 
Awkward soft porn music…
Plot twist, it’s Pennywise in the drain.
So why didn’t the dude go grey when Tooms sees him? Were his Tooms eyes not working here?
Question: How is Tooms unscrewing the screw that should be screwed into a wall?
Tooms be strong. That door busted.
Oh look it’s this dick! Remember when Scully had friends then she met Mulder and he was her only friend.
She seems so far away from him. Good, stay away from him, Scully!
That’s a lie. He’s lying.
Yes let’s look at these possibly gruesome pictures while eating lunch. Great idea.
“Mrs Spooky…” that’s kinda cute.
You’re making everyone uncomfortable now, Mulder.
This scene is so stupid. Tom’s confused, Scully wants to die, and Mulder’s having the time of his life.
Omg Mulder is wearing gloves.
It could be a koala. Koala’s have ten inch fingerprints.
I love her outfit here.
She’s wearing the shirt from Ice.
So why is Scully doing the profiling? She’s a mEDiCaL dOcToR, not a profiler.
“Working in an area that’s a bit more down to earth” cue laughing. That’s not funny. That’s a shit joke. Don’t laugh at Scully, she’ll whoop yo ass.
Red pants, really?
Mulder got grandpa clothes on.
Remember when they requested backup?
What the fuck is that STANCE??? Someone give these two a LESSON please.
“She’s not in the car!” What?
Mulder shook that Sculls is right. Get used to it.
I don’t like this hairstyle Scully’s got going on…soz.
The worried look Scully gives Mulder.
Tooms has such a baby face.
Again, why is she profiling? That’s not her job!!!
This dude is worse than Tom, fuck me.
Do not shout at that woman you utter asshole.
She needs to fix that collar, it’s annoying me.
She doesn’t need you protecting her!!!! Piss. Off.
Hey, touch the necklace once and it works, don’t touch it twice.
Scully likes Mulder more than those other twats and I don’t blame her.
They sit any closer they be sitting on each other…not that I’m complaining.
But it could be a koala.
This is a nice house.
I would have been cooler had we not seen Tooms in the beginning. It makes sense to see him now though.
That’s a real dude going down that chimney. Also the bones popping…ew.
This dude looks like the other dude.
Can we maybe stop with the touching props that have relevance later please. Let me use my EYES.
Considering they had a load of beef with the director, that shot of Tooms coming out of the shadows was a really good shot.
And awkward slow-mo bit. Honestly, it’s so weird.
Scully doesn’t like you anymore, go away.
Or it could be a koala.
This thing is disgusting get it out of my face.
Ant-eye is such a foreign pronunciation to me. It always throws me off whenever I hear it.
A mood.
“Never was born.” I think you got your words mixed up.
“I’ve been waiting 75 years for you.” *cut to Scully*. I don’t think that shot was intended to be funny but it is and I laugh every time.
What is a Sheriff?
Mulder sitting on a poof.
I don’t know if that Tooms is doing is on par with the Holocaust like.
He got some livers finding in his boxes.
Omg he actually does I fucking forgot omg.
And he looks the exact same…shocker.
Pierre Paris…can you get anymore French than that?
Credit scene!
That’s a tiny ass room. My studio is bigger than that shit.
When she tucks the gun into her pants. Omg I am gay.
It’s adorable that Scully fits and Mulder is technically crouching.
Does he learn from touching bile? No he does not. At least he didn’t eat it.
Finagling.
Snagged.
Remember Scully’s necklace? No? Well it’s a good job Mulder touched it before. Now you remember.
“You got it…Spooky.” *cue laughter.* Honestly these jokes aren’t funny. Come up with funnier jokes if you’re going to laugh.
Do not come barging into a room that Scully is occupying and start shouting at her!!!
SHE’S STILL A GOOD AGENT!!!!
You just got told, Dickface!
I’d make a comment about Mulder talking to himself but I do that to so…
That’s an ugly ass phone. I don’t like it.
Is this the first time we see Scully’s apartment?
Also why does Tooms beeline for Scully anyway?
That’s unfortunate.
Why hasn’t she taken off her shoes yet?
Good job that person came out of that door at that moment otherwise he’d be stuck outside.
I really like how they work together to cuff him
Question: why doesn’t he just make his arm skinny and slip out of the handcuffs? I don’t think he knows he’ll get shot at the moment he goes for Scully again.
Tooms be the weird kid at the back of the class who be sniffing glue.
She touched him.
Final Thoughts: Tooms is creepy but I don’t find the episode creepy. That final shot with the music. I’m so glad Tom Colton never came back- or those other dudes- because they are all just assholes and I don’t like them. I like Squeeze, it can definitely hold my interest for 45 minutes.
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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years ago
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The Weekend Warrior 10/13/20: FREAKY, THE CLIMB, MANK, HILLBILLY ELEGY, AMMONITE, DREAMLAND, DOC-NYC and MUCH MORE!
It’s a pretty crazy week for new releases as I mentioned a few times over the past couple weeks, but it’s bound to happen as we get closer to the holiday movie season, which this year won’t include many movies in theaters, even though movie theaters are still open in many areas of the country… and closing in others. Sigh. Besides a few high-profile Netflix theatrical release, we also get movies starring Vince Vaughn, Margot Robbie, Kate Winslet, Saoirse Ronan, Mel Gibson and more offerings. In fact, I’ve somehow managed to write 12 (!!!!) reviews this week… yikes.
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Before we get to the new movies, let’s look at a few series/festivals starting this week, including the always great documentary festival, DOC-NYC, which runs from November 11 through 19. A few of the docs I’ve already seen are (probably not surprisingly, if you know me) some of the music docs in the “Sonic Cinema” section, including Oliver Murray’s Ronnie’s, a film about legendary jazz musician and tenor sax player Ronnie Scott, whose London club Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club has been one of the central cores for British jazz fans for many decades.
Alex Winter’s Zappa is a much more satisfying portrait of the avant-garde rocker than the doc Frank Zappa: In His Own Words from a few years back, but I was even more surprised by how much I enjoyed Julien Temple’s Crock of Gold: A Few Rounds with Shane MacGowan, because I’ve never really been a Pogues fan, but it’s highly entertaining as we learn about the chronically-soused frontman of the popular Irish band.
I haven’t seen Robert Yapkowitz and Richard Peete’s in My Own Time: A Portrait of Karen Dalton, a portrait of the blues and folk singer, yet, nor have I watched Marcia Jarmel and Ken Schneider’s Los Hermanos/The Brothers about two brother musicians separated from childhood after leaving their native Cuba, but I’ll try to get to both of them soon enough.
Outside of the realm of music docs is Ilinca Calugareanu’s A Cops and Robbers Story, which follows Corey Pegues from being a drug dealer and gang member to a celebrated deputy inspector within the NYPD. There’s also Nancy (The Loving Story) Buirski’s A Crime on the Bayou, the third part of the filmmaker’s trilogy about brave individuals in the Civil Rights era, this one about 19-year-old New Orleans fisherman Gary Duncan who tries to break up a fight between white and black teens at an integrated school and is arrested for assaulting a minor when merely touching a white boy’s arm.
Hao Wu’s 76 Days covers the length of Wuhan, China’s lockdown due to COVID-19, a very timely doc that will be released by MTV Documentary Films via virtual cinema on December 4. It’s one of DOC-NYC’s features on its annual Short List, which includes Boys State, Collective, The Fight, On the Record, and ten others that will vie for juried categories.
IFC Films’ Dear Santa, the new film from Dana Nachman, director of the wonderful Pick of the Litter, will follow its Heartland Film Festival debut with a run at COD-NYC before its own December 4 release. The latter is about the USPS’s “Operation Santa” program that receives hundreds of thousands of letters to Santa every year and employees thousands of volunteers to help make the wishes of these kids come true.
Basically, there’s a LOT of stuff to see at DOC-NYC, and while most of the movies haven’t been released publicly outside festivals yet, a lot of these movies will be part of the doc conversations of 2020. DOC-NYC gives the chance for people across the United States to see a lot of great docs months before anyone else, so take advantage of some of their ticket packs to save some money over the normal $12 per ticket price. The $199 price for an All Access Film Pass also isn’t a bad deal if you have enough time to watch the hundreds of DOC-NYC offerings. (Sadly, I never do, yet I’m still a little bummed to miss the 10Am press screenings at IFC Center that keeps me off the streets… or in this case, sitting on my ass at home.)
Not to be outdone by the presence of DOC-NYC, Film at Lincoln Center is kicking off its OWN seventh annual “Art of the Real” doc series, which has a bit of overlap by running from November 13 to 26. I really don’t know a lot about the documentaries being shown as part of this program, presented with Mubi and The New York Times, but check this out. For just 50 bucks, you can get an all-access pass to all 17 films, which you can casually watch at home over the two weeks of the fest.
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Okay, let’s get to some theatrical releases, and the one I’ve been anticipating the most (also the one getting the widest release) is Christopher Landon’s FREAKY from Blumhouse and Universal Pictures. It stars Kathryn Newton as Millie Kessler, a high school outcast who is constantly picked on, but one night, she ends up encountering the serial killer known as the “Blissfield Butcher” (Vince Vaughn), but instead of dying when she’s stabbed with a ritual blade. The next morning Millie and the Butcher wake up to discover that they’ve been transported into the body of the other. Oh, it’s Friday the 13th… oh, now I get it… Freaky Friday!
Landon is best known for writing many of the Paranormal Activity sequels and directing Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones. Msore importantly, he directed Happy Death Day and its sequel Happy Death Day 2 U, two of my favorite Blumhouse movies, because they so successfully mix horror with comedy, which is so hard to do. That’s what Freaky is all about, too, and it’s even harder this time even though Freaky has way more gruesome and gory kills than anything in Landon’s other films. Heck, many of the kills are gorier than the most recent Halloween from Blumhouse, and it’s a little shocking when you’re laughing so hard at times.
Landon does some clever things with what’s essentially a one-joke premise of a killer in a teen girl’s body and vice versa, but like the Lindsay Lohan-Jamie Lee Curtis remake from 2003, it’s all about the talent of the two main actors to pull off the rather intricate nature of playing humor without losing the seriousness of the horror element.
It may not be too surprising with Vaughn, who made a ton of dramas and thrillers before turning to comedy. (Does everyone remember that he played Norman Bates in Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho and also starred in thrillers The Cell and Domestic Disturbance?) Newton is a bit more of an unknown quantity, but as soon as Tillie dawns the red leather jacket, you know that she can use her newly found homicidal attitude to get some revenge on those who have been terrible to her.
In some ways, the comedy aspects of Freaky win out over the horror but no horror fan will be disappointed by the amount of gory kills and how well the laughs emerge from a decent horror flick. Freaky seems like the kind of movie that Wes Craven would have loved.
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I’m delighted to say that this week’s “Featured Flick” is Michael Angelo Covino and Kyle Marvin’s indie comedy THE CLIMB (Sony Pictures Classics), a movie that I have seen no less than three times this year, first when it was playing Sundance, a few months later when it was supposed to open in March… and then again last week! And you know what? I enjoyed it just as much every single time. It’s an amazing two-hander that stars Covino and Marvin as best friends Mike and Kyle, who have a falling out over the former sleeping with the latter’s fiancé, and it just gets funnier and funnier as the friends fight and Kyle gets engaged to Marisa (Gayle Rankin from GLOW) who hates Mike. Can this friendship possibly survive?
I really had no idea what to expect the first time I saw The Climb at the Sony Screening Room, but it was obviously going to be a very different movie for Sony Pictures Classics, who had started out the year with so many great films before theaters shut down. (Unfortunately, they may have waited too long on this one as theaters seem to be shutting down again even while NYC and L.A. have yet to reopen them. Still, I think this would be just as much fun in a drive-in.)
The movie starts with a long, extended scene of the two leads riding bikes on a steep mountain in France, talking to each other as Kyle (once the athlete of the duo) has fallen out of shape. During the conversation, Mike admits to having slept with Kyle’s fiancé Ava (Judith Godréche) and things turn hostile between the two. We then get the first big jump in time as we’re now at the funeral for Ava, who actually had been married to Mike. Kyle eventually moves on and begins a relationship with his high school sweetheart Marisa, who we meet at the Thanksgiving gathering for Kyle’s extended family. In both these cases, we see how the relationship between Mike and Kyle has changed/evolved as Mike has now fallen on hard times.
It's a little hard to explain why what’s essentially a “slice of life” movie can be so funny. On one hand, The Climb might be the type of movie we might see from Mike Leigh, but Covino and Marvin find a way to make everything funny and also quite eccentric in terms of how some of the segments begin and end.  Technically, it’s also an impressive feat with the number of amazing single shot sequences and how smooth some of the transitions work. It’s actually interesting to see when and how the filmmakers decide to return to the lives of their subjects – think of it a bit like Michael Apted’s “Up” series of docs but covering a lot shorter span in time.
Most importantly, The Climb has such a unique tone and feel to other indie dramedies we’ve seen, as the duo seem to be influenced more by European cinema than American indies. Personally, I think a better title for The Climb might have been “Frenemied,” but even with the movie’s fairly innocuous title, you will not forget the experience watching this entertaining film anytime soon.
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Maybe this should be called “Netflix week,” because the streamer is releasing a number of high-profile movies into theaters and on the streaming service. Definitely one of the more anticipated movies of the year is David Fincher’s MANK, which will get a theatrical release this week and then stream on Netflix starting December 4.
It stars Gary Oldman as Herman Mankiewicz, the Hollywood screenwriter who has allowed himself to succumb to alcoholism but has been hired by Orson Welles (Tom Burke) to write his next movie, Citizen Kane, working with a personal secretary Rita Alexander (played by Lily Collins). His story is told through his interactions with media mogul William Hearst (Charles Dance) and relationship with actress and Hearst ingenue and mistress, Marion Davies (Amanda Seyfried).
It I were asked to pick one director who is my absolute favorite, Fincher would probably be in my top 5 because he’s had such an illustrious and varied career of movie styles, and Mank continues that tradition as Fincher pays tribute to old Hollywood and specifically the work of Orson Welles in every frame of this biopic that’s actually more about the troubled writer of Citizen Kane who was able to absorb everything happening in his own Hollywood circles and apply them to the script.
More than anything, Mank feels like a movie for people who love old Hollywood and inside Hollywood stories, and maybe even those who may already know about the making of Welles’ highly-regarded film might find a few new things to appreciate. I particularly enjoyed Mankiewicz’s relationships with the women around him, including his wife “Poor Sarah,” played by Tuppence Middleton, Collins’ Rita, and of course, Seyfried’s absolutely radiant performance as Davies.  Maybe I would have appreciated the line-up of known names and characters like studio head Louis B Mayer and others, if more of them had any sort of effect on the story and weren’t just
The film perfectly captures the dynamic of the time and place as Mank is frequently the only honest voice in a sea of brown nosers and yes-men. Maybe I would have enjoyed Oldman’s performance more if everything that comes out of Mankiewicz’s mouth wasn’t an all-too-clever quip.
The film really hits a high point after a friend of Mank’s commits suicide and how that adds to the writer’s woes about not being able to save him. The film’s last act involves Mank dealing with the repercussions after the word gets out that Citizen Kane is indeed about Hearst.
Overall, Mank is a movie that’s hard to really dig into, and like some of Fincher’s previous work, it tends to be devoid of emotion. Even Fincher’s decision to be clever by including cigarette burns to represent Mank’s “reels” – something explained by Brad Pitt in Fight Club – just drives home the point that Mank is deliberately Fincher’s most meta movie to date.
You can also read my technical/crafts review of Mank over at Below the Line.
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Ron Howard’s adaptation of JD Vance’s bestselling memoir HILLBILLY ELEGY will be released by Netflix into theaters ahead of its streaming debut on November 24. It stars Amy Adams and Glenn Close, but in honesty, it’s about JD Vance, you know, the guy who wrote the memoir.  The film follows his younger years (as played by Owen Asztalos) while dealing with a dysfunctional white trash family in Middletown, Ohio, dealing with his headstrong Mamaw (Close) and abusive mother dealing with drug addiction (Adams).  Later in life, while studying at Yale (and played by Gabriel Basso), he has to return to his Ohio roots to deal with his mother’s growing addiction that forces him to come to terms with his past.
I’m a bit of a Ron Howard stan – some might even say “an apologist” – and there’s no denying that Hillbilly Elegy puts him the closest to A Beautiful Mind territory than he’s been in quite some time. That doesn’t mean that this movie is perfect, nor that I would consider it one of his better movies, though. I went into the movie not knowing a thing about JD Vance or his memoir but after the first reviews came out, I was a little shocked how many of them immediately went political, because there’s absolutely nothing resembling politics in the film.
It is essentially an adaptation of a memoir, dealing with JD Vance’s childhood but then also the past that led his mother and grandmother down the paths that made his family so dysfunctional. I particularly enjoyed the relationship between the older Vance and his future wife Usha (as played by Freida Pinto) earlier in their relationship as they’re both going to Yale and Vance is trying to move past his family history to succeed in the realm of law.
It might be a no-brainer why Adams and Close are being given so much of the attention for their performances. They are two of the best. Close is particularly amusing as the cantankerous Mamaw, who veers between cussing and crying, but also has some great scenes both with Adams and the younger Vance. The amazing special make-up FX used to change her appearance often makes you forget you’re watching Close. I wish I could say the same for Adams, who gives such an overwrought and over-the-top performance that it’s very hard to feel much emotionally for her character as she goes down a seemingly endless vortex of drug addiction. It’s a performance that leads to some absolute craziness. (It’s also odd seeing Adams in basically the Christian Bale role in The Fighter, although Basso should get more credit about what he brings out in their scenes together.)
Hillbilly Elegy does have a number of duller moments, and I’m not quite sure anyone not already a fan of Vance’s book would really have much interest in these characters. I certainly have had issues with movies about people some may consider “Southern White Trash,” but it’s something I’ve worked on myself to overcome. It’s actually quite respectable for a movie to try to show characters outside the normal circles of those who tend to write reviews, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the movie might be able to connect with people in rural areas that rarely get to see themselves on screen.
Hillbilly Elegy has its issues, but it feels like a successful adaptation of a novel that may have been difficult to keep an audience invested in with all its flashbacks and jumps in time.
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Netflix is also streaming the Italian drama THE LIFE AHEAD, directed by Edoardo Ponti, starring Oscar-winning actress Sophia Loren, who happens to also be the filmmaker’s mother. She plays Madame Rosa, a Holocaust survivor in Italy who takes a stubborn young street kid named Momo (Ibrahima Gueye), much to both their chagrin.
I’ll be shocked if Italy doesn’t submit Ponti’s film as their choice for the Oscar’s International Film category, because it has all of the elements that would appeal to Oscar voters. In that sense, I also found it to be quite traditional and formulaic.  Loren is quite amazing, as to be expected, and I was just as impressed with young Ibrahima Gueye who seems to be able to hold his own in what’s apparently his first movie. There’s others in the cast that also add to the experience including a trans hooker named Lola, but it’s really the relationship between the two main characters that keeps you invested in the movie. I only wish I didn’t spend much of the movie feeling like I knew exactly where it’s going in terms of Rosa doing something to save the young boy and giving him a chance at a good life.
I hate to be cynical, but at times, this is so by the books, as if Ponti watched every Oscar movie and made one that had all the right elements to appeal to Oscar voters and wokesters alike. That aside, it does such a good job tugging at heartstrings that you might forgive how obviously formulaic it is.
Netflix is also premiering the fourth season of The Crown this week, starring Olivia Colman as Queen Elizabeth and bringing on board Gillian Anderson as Margaret Thatcher, Emma Corin, Helena Bonham Carter, Tobis Menzies, Marion Bailey and Charles Dancer. Quite a week for the streamer, indeed.
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Another movie that may be in the conversation for Awards season is AMMONITE (NEON), the new film from Francis Lee (God’s Own Country), a drama set in 1840s England where Kate Winslet plays Mary Anning, a fossil hunter,  tasked to look after melancholic young bride, Charlotte Murcheson (Saoirse Ronan), sent to the sea to get better only for them to get into a far more intimate relationship.
I had been looking forward to this film, having heard almost unanimous raves from out of Toronto a few months back. Maybe my expectations were too high, because while this is a well-made film with two strong actors, it’s also rather dreary and not something I necessarily would watch for pleasure. The comparisons to last year’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire (also released by NEON) are so spot-on that it’s almost impossible to watch this movie without knowing exactly where it’s going from the very minute that the two main characters meet.
Winslet isn’t bad in another glammed-down role where she can be particularly cantankerous, but knowing that the film would eventually take a sapphic turn made it somewhat predictable. Ronan seems to be playing her first outright adult role ever, and it’s a little strange to see her all grown-up after playing a teenager in so many movies.
The movie is just so contained to the one setting right up until the last 20 minutes when it actually lives the Lyme setting and lets us see the world outside Mary’s secluded lifestyle.  As much as I wanted to love Ammonite, it just comes off as so obvious and predictable – and certainly not helped by coming out so soon after Portrait of a Lady. There’s also something about Ammonite that just feels so drab and dreary and not something I’d necessarily need to sit through a second time.
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The animated film WOLFWALKERS (GKIds) is the latest from Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart, directors of the Oscar-nominated Secret of the Kells (Moore’s Song of the Sea also received an Oscar nomination a few years later.) It’s about a young Irish girl named Robyn (voiced Honor Kneafsey) who is learning to be hunter from her father (voiced by Sean Bean) to help him wipe out the last wolf pack. Roby then meets another girl (voiced by Eva Whittaker) who is part of a tribe rumored to transform into wolves by night.
I have to be honest that by the time I got around to start watching this, I was really burnt out and not in any mood to watch what I considered to look like a kiddie movie. It looks nice, but I’m sure I’d be able to enjoy it more in a different head (like watching first thing on a Saturday morning).
Regardless, Wolfwalkers will be in theaters nationwide this Friday and over the weekend via Fathom Events as well as get full theatrical runs at drive-ins sponsored by the Landmark, Angelika and L.A.’s Vineland before it debuts on Apple TV+ on December 11. Maybe I’ll write a proper review for that column. You can get tickets for the Fathom Events at  WolfwalkersMovie.com.
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Next up is Miles Joris-Peyrafitte’s DREAMLAND (Paramount), starring Margot Robbie as Allison Wells, a bank-robbing criminal on the loose who encounters young man named Eugene Evans (Finn Cole) in rural Dust Bowl era North Dakota and convinces him to hide her and help her escape the authorities by taking her to Mexico.
Another movie where I wasn’t expecting much, more due to the generic title and genre than anything else, but it’s a pretty basic story of a young man in a small town who dreams of leaving and also glamorizes the crime stories he read in pulps. Because of the Great Depression in the late ’20, the crime wave was spreading out across the land and affecting everyone, even in more remote locations like the one at the center of Dreamland.
The sad truth is that there have been so many better movies about this era, including Warren Beatty’s Bonnie and Clyde, Lawless and many others. Because of that, this might not be bad but it’s definitely trying to follow movies that leave quite a long shadow. The innocent relationship between Eugene and Allison does add another level to the typical gangster story, but maybe that isn’t enough for Dreamland to really get past the fact that the romantic part of their relationship isn’t particularly believable.
As much as this might have been fine as a two-hander, you two have Travis Fimmel as Eugene’s stepfather and another generic white guy in Garrett Hedlund playing Allison’s Clyde Barrow-like partner in crime in the flashbacks. Cole has enough trouble keeping on pace with Robbie but then you have Fimmel, who was just grossly miscast. The film’s score ended up being so overpowering and annoying I wasn’t even remotely surprised when I saw that Joris-Peyrafitte is credited with co-writing the film’s score.
Dreamland is fine, though it really needed to have a stronger and more original vision to stand out. It’s another classic case of an actor being far better than the material she’s been given. This is being given a very limited theatrical release before being on digital next Tuesday.
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This might have been Netflix week, but maybe it could have been “Saban Films Week,” since the distributor also has three new movies. Actually, only two, because I screwed up, and I missed the fact that André Øvredal’s MORTAL was released by Saban Films LAST week. Not entirely my fault because for some reason, I had it opening this week, and I only realized that I was wrong last Wednesday. Oh, well.  It stars Nate Wolff as Eric Bergeland, an American in Norway who seems to have some enigmatic powers, but after killing a young lad, he ends up on the lam with federal agent Christine (Iben Akerlie from Victoria).
This is another movie I really wanted to like since I’ve been such a fan of Øvredal from back to his movie Trollhunter. Certainly the idea of him taking a dark look at superpowers through the lends of Norse mythology should be right up my alley. Even so, this darker and more serious take on superpowers – while it might be something relatively unique and new in movies – it’s something anyone who has read comics has seen many times before and often quite better.
Wolff’s character is deliberately kept a mystery about where he comes from, and all we know is that he survived a fire at his farm, and we watched him kill a young man that’s part of a group of young bullies.  From there, it kind of turns into a procedural as the authorities and Akerlie’s character tries to find out where Eric came from and got his powers. It’s not necessarily a slow or talkie movie, because there are some impressive set pieces for sure, but it definitely feels more like Autopsy of Jane Doe than Trollhunters. Maybe my biggest is that this is a relatively drab and lifeless performance by Wolff, who I’ve seen be better in other films.
Despite my issues, it doesn’t lessen my feelings about Øvredal as a filmmaker, because there’s good music and use of visual FX -- no surprise if you’ve seen Trollhunters -- but there’s still a really bad underlying feeling that you’re watching a lower budget version of an “X-Men” movie, and not necessarily one of the better ones.  Despite a decent (and kinda crazy) ending, Mortal never really pays off, and it’s such a slog to get to that ending that people might feel slightly underwhelmed.
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Seth Savoy’s ECHO BOOMERS (Saban Films) is a crime thriller based on a “true story if you believe in such things,” starring Patrick Schwarzenegger as Lance, a young art major, who falls in with a group of youths who break into rich people’s homes and trash them, also stealing some of the more valuable items for their leader Mel (Michael Shannon).
There’s a lot about Echo Boomers that’s going to feel familiar if you’ve seen Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring or the heist movie American Animals from a few years back, but even with those similarities, Seth Savoy has a strong cast and vision to make more out of the fairly weak writing than another director might manage. Schwarzenegger, who seems to be pulling in quite a wide range of roles for basically being another generic white actor is only part of a decent ensemble that includes Alex Pettyfer as the group’s ersatz alpha male Ellis and Hayley Law (also great in the recent Spontaneous) as his girlfriend Allie, the only girl taking part in the heists and destruction. Those three actors alone are great, but then you add Shannon just doing typically fantastic work as more of a catalyst than an antagonist.
You can probably expect there will be some dissension in the ranks, especially when the group’s “Fagan” Mel puts Lance in charge of keeping them in line and Allie forms a friendship with Lance. What holds the movie back is the decision to use a very traditional testimonial storytelling style where Lance and Allie narrate the story by relaying what happened to the authorities after their capture obviously. This doesn’t help take away from the general predictability of where the story goes either, because we’ve seen this type of thing going all the way back to The Usual Suspects.
While Echo Boomers might be fairly derivative of far better movies at times, it also has a strong directorial vision and a compelling story that makes up enough for that fact.
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In theaters this Friday and then On Demand and Digital on November 24 is Eshom and Ian Nelms’ action-comedy FATMAN (Saban Films/Paramount), starring Mel Gibson as Santa Claus and Walton Goggins as the hired assassin sent to kill him by a spoiled rich boy named  Billy (Chance Hurstfield) who unhappy with the presents he’s being brought for Christmas.
While we seem to be surrounded by high concept movies of all shapes and sizes, you can’t get much more high concept than having Mel Gibson playing a tough and cantankerous* Kris Kringle (*Is this the week’s actual theme?) who is struggling to survive with Mrs. Klaus (played by the wonderful Marianne Jean-Baptiste from In Fabric) when they’re given the opportunity to produce military grade items for the army using his speedy elf workshop. Unbeknownst to the Kringles, the disgruntled hitman who also feels he’s been let down by Santa is on his way to the North Pole to fulfill his assignment.
You’ll probably know whether you’ll like this movie or not since its snarkier comedic tone is introduced almost from the very beginning. This is actually a pretty decent role for Gibson that really plays up to his strengths, and it’s a shame that there wasn’t more to it than just a fairly obvious action movie that leads to a shoot-out. I probably should have enjoyed Goggins more in a full-on villainous role but having been watching a lot of him on CBS’ The Unicorn, it’s kind of hard to adjust to him playing this kind of role.  I did absolutely love Marianne Jean-Baptiste and the warmth she brought to a relatively snarky movie.
I’m not sure if Fatman is the best showing of Eshom and Ian Nelms’ abilities as filmmakers, because they certainly have some, but any chance of being entertaining is tamped down by a feeling the filmmakers are constantly trying to play it safe. Because of this, Fatman has a few fun moments but a generally weak premise that never fully delivers. It would have thrived by being much crazier, but instead, it’s just far too mild.
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Malin Åkerman stars in Paul Leyden’s CHICK FIGHT (Quiver Distribution) as Anna, a woman unhappy with her life and inability to survive on the little money she makes at her failing coffee shop. When Anna’s lesbian traffic cop friend Charleen (Dulcé Sloan) takes her to an underground fight club, Anna her trepidation about joining in, because she has never been in a fight in her life.  Learning that her mother has a legacy at the club, Anna agrees to be trained by Alec Baldwin’s always-drunk Murphy in order to take on the challenges of the likes of Bella Thorne’s Olivia.
Another movie where I’m not sure where to begin other than the fact that I’m not sure I’ve seen a movie trying so hard to be fun and funny and failing miserably at both. Listen, I generally love Akerman, and I’m always hoping for her to get stronger material to match her talents, but this tries its best to be edgy without ever really delivering on the most important thing for any comedy: Laughs.  Sure, the filmmakers try their best and even shoehorn a bit of romance for Anna in the form of the ring doctor played by Kevin Connolly from Entourage, but it does little to help distinguish the movie’s identity.
Listen, I’m not going to apologize for being a heterosexual male that finds Bella Thorne to be quite hot when she’s kicking ass in the ring. (I’m presuming that a lot of what we see in her scenes in the ring involves talented stuntwomen, but whoa! If that’s not the case.) Alec Baldwin seems to be in this movie merely as a favor to someone, possibly one of the producers, and when he disappears with no mention midway through the movie, you’re not particularly surprised. Another of trying too hard is having Anna’s father Ed (played by wrestler Kevin Nash) come out as gay and then use his every appearance to talk about his sex acts.  Others in the cast like Fortune Feimster seem to be there mainly for their bulk and believability as fighters.
Ultimately, Chick Fight is a fairly lame and bland girl power movie written, directed and mostly produced by men. I’m not sure why anyone might be expecting more from it than being a poorly-executed comedy lacking laughs.
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And yet, that wasn’t the worst movie of the weekend. That would be Andrzej Bartkowiak’s DEAD RECKONING (Shout! Studios). Yes, the Polish cinematographer and filmmaker who once made the amazing Romeo is Bleeding, starring Gary Oldman and Lena Olin, has returned with a movie with the onus of a premise that reads “a thriller inspired by the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013.” No, I did not make that up. It mostly takes place in Nantucket, Massachusetts, which I guess is sort of close to Boston, but instead it focuses on the relationship between teens Niko (K.J. Apa) and Tillie (India Eisley), the latter whose parents died in a plane crash that might have been caused by a terrorist. It just so happens that Niko’s brother Marco (Scott Adkins) is an Albanian terrorist. Coincidence? I think not!
Once you get past the most generic title ever, Dead Reckoning is just plain awful. I probably should have known what to expect when the movie opens with Eric “Never Turned Down a Job” Roberts, but also, I strong feel that Scott Adkins, better known for his martial arts skills, is easily one of the worst actors ever to be given lines to say in a movie. And yet, somehow, there are even worse actors in this movie. How is that even possible?
Although this presumed action movie opens with one of three or four fight sequences, we’re soon hanging out on the beach with a bunch of annoying teenagers, including Tillie, who is drowning the sorrow of recently losing her parents by literally drinking constantly in almost every single scene. When she meets the handsome Eastern European Niko, we think there’s some chance of Tillie being saved, but it isn’t meant to be.
Part of what’s so weird is that Dead Reckoning begins in territory familiar to fans of Barkowiak’s movies like Exit Wounds, Cradle 2 the Grave and Maximum Impact but then quickly shifts gears to a soppy teen romance. It’s weird enough to throw you off when at a certain point, it returns to the main plot, which involves Adkins’ terrorist plot and the search by FBI Agent Cantrell (played by James Remar) to find the culprit who killed Tillie’s parents. Oh, the FBI agent is also Tillie’s godfather. Of course, he is.
Beyond the fact that I spent much of the movie wondering what these teens in Nantucket have to do with the opening scene or the overall premise, this is a movie that anything that could be resembling talent or skill in Barkowiak’s filmmaking is long gone. Going past the horrendous writing – at one point, the exasperated and quite xenophobic Cantrell exclaims, “It’s been a nightmare since 9/11... who knows what's next?” -- or the inability of much of the cast to make it seem like anyone involved cares about making a good movie, the film is strangled by a score that wants to remind you it’s a thriller even as you watch people having fun on the beach on a sunny day.
Eventually, it does get back to the action with a fight between Cantrell and Marco… and then Marco gets into a fight with Tillie’s nice aunt nurse Jennifer where she has a surprisingly amount of fighting skills. There’s also Nico’s best friend who is either British or gay or both, but he spends every one of his scenes acting so pretentious and annoying, you kind of hope he’ll be blown up by terrorists. Sadly, you have to wait until the last act before the surfboards are pulled out.  (Incidentally, filmmakers, please don’t call a character in your movie “Marco,” especially if that character’s name is going to be yelled out repeatedly, because it will just lead to someone in the audience to yell out “Polo!” This is Uwe Boll School of Bad Filmmaking 101!)
The point is that the movie is just all over the place yet in a place that’s even remotely watchable. There even was a point when Tillie was watching the video of her parents dying in a car crash for the third or fourth time, and I just started laughing, since it’s such a slipshod scene.
It’s very likely that Dead Reckoning will claim the honor of being the worst movie I’ve seen this year. Really, the only way to have any fun watching this disaster is to play a drinking game where you take a drink every time Eisley’s character takes a drink. Or better yet, just bail on the movie and hit the bottle, because I’m sure whoever funded this piece of crap is.
Opening at New York’s Film Forum on Wednesday is Manfred Kirchheimer’s FREE TIME (Grasshopper/Cinema Conservancy), another wonderful doc from one of the kings of old school cinema verité documentary filmmaking, consisting of footage of New York City from 1960 that’s pieced together with a wonderful jazz score. Let me tell you that Kirschheimer’s work is very relaxing to watch and Free Time is no exception. Plus the hour-long movie will premiere in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema, accompanied by Rudy Burckhardt’s 1953 film Under the Brooklyn Bridge which captures Brooklyn in the ‘50s.
Also opening in Film Forum’s Virtual Cinema Friday is Hong Khaou’s MONSOON (Strand Releasing) starring Henry Golding (Crazy Rich Asians) as Kit, who returns to Ho Chi Minh City for the first time since his family fled after the Vietnam War when he was six. As he tries to make sense of it, he ends in a romance with Parker Sawyers’ American ex-pat and forms a friendship with a local student (Molly Harris). Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to watch this one before finishing up this column but hope to catch soon, because I do like Golding as an actor.
I shared my thoughts on Werner Herzog and Clive Oppenheimer’s FIREBALL: VISITORS FROM DARK WORLDS, when it played at TIFF in September, but this weekend, it will debut on Apple TV+.  It’s another interesting and educational science doc from Herr Herzog, this time teaming with the younger Cambridge geoscientist and “volcanologist” to look at the evidence left behind by meteors that have arrived within the earth’s atmosphere, including the races that worship the falling space objects.
Opening at the Metrograph this week (or rather on its website) is Shalini Kantayya’s documentary CODED BIAS, about the widespread bias in facial recognition and the algorithms that affect us all, which debuted Weds night and will be available on a PPV basis and will be available through November 17. The French New Wave anthology Six In Paris will also be available as a ticketed movie ($8 for members/$12 for non-members) through April 13. Starting Thursday as part of the Metrograph’s “Live Screenings” is Steven Fischler and Joel Sucher’s Free Voice of Labor: The Jewish Anarchists from 1980. Fischler’s earlier doc Frame Up! The imprisonment of Martin Sostre from 1974 will also be available through Thursday night.
Sadly, there are just way too many movies out this week, and some of the ones I just wasn’t able to get to include:
Dating Amber (Samuel Goldwyn) The Giant (Vertical) I Am Greta (Hulu) Dirty God (Dark Star Pictures) Where She Lies (Gravitas Ventures) Maybe Next Year (Wavelength Productions) Come Away (Relativity) Habitual (National Amusements) The Ride (Roadside Attractions, Forest, ESX) Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (Netflix) Transference: A Love Story (1091) Sasquatch Among the Wildmen (Uncork’d) All Joking Aside (Quiver Distribution) Secret Zoo (MPI Medi Group/Capelight Pictures)
By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, I think you’re very special and quite good-looking. Feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!
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missjosie27 · 5 years ago
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The Other World- Part 1
Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to say my customary few words before you read this fic. As most in the HM community know on here, there are many who have drawn or written out our characters for this extremely flawed game that we’ve come to love one way or the other. One of the best and most thought out is the one created by @hogwartsmysterystory better known as Ethren Whitecross. I think we can all agree how incredible his writing is and how it’s inspired many people, including myself. This is my own way of saying thank you and to pay homage to his MC.
The following story is split into two parts, since the whole story is too long to release all at once. It is my tribute to him and his writing and I hope you all enjoy reading it. Part 2 will be released tomorrow. 
If anyone needs background on my MC, please visit my tumblr page and MC info. I realize not everyone will get the context right away. 
Enjoy!
A ringing in David Grant’s ears echoed as though it were the loudest noise on the planet. It was also hardly the only commotion going on at the moment. Within the confines of the Ministry, the scene could be described as quite chaotic.
It’s to be expected. Especially given that You Know Who has been dead for less than forty eight hours.
Standing within the spacious halls of the atrium, the once precocious curse breaker of Hogwarts was a much different man from the days of chasing after his long lost brother. Gone was the easy going smirk, the baby faced features of a teenager ready to take on whatever the world had to throw at him. What remained was a tired, unshaved, long haired ex-Auror who had suffered the trials of war, intrigue and then some. The once warm hazel-blue eyes were dulled to a flint like cynicism unrivaled even by the hardiest of warriors.
With the exception of Harry Potter (the stories were certainly true about his exploits), the law enforcement of Magical Britain had suffered more than most. Some had kept up the charade of the blue robes by staying in the Ministry after Voldemort’s takeover, others were placed under the imperious curse (poor Dawlish), while others yet defected and joined the resistance. But to David, that mattered not. The end of the battle of Hogwarts only brought a simple question to his mind.
Where was his wife?
Memories of the battle against her parents flashed in his mind once more- the sickening crunch of Matthias Snyde’s neck breaking, the unhinged screams of his wife, Lyra, who ordered her daughter to kill him. The battle for the soul of Merula Snyde. It had taken every once of his willpower to break through to her and he was certain she had been placed under the imperius curse herself. No one could control his wife, not unless they were prepared to do so by using the Dark Arts. However, that did not change the fact that she still carried the Dark Mark on her forearm and that in turn marked her as a Death Eater and a traitor.
Funny how fast things can change in the span of two days, he thought humorlessly.
There was no joy in his heart, no consolation to be had. He had stepped into the halls of this Merlin forsaken place for a single purpose and would not leave without knowing that Merula would not spend an eternity in Azkaban for crimes she was not culpable for. Consequences be damned, he would spend an eternity in there with her if he had to.
He needed to see someone with the authority to release her. Someone close to the newly appointed Minister Kingsley Shacklebolt, his mentor and friend. Surely, he would listen.
Finally, amongst the crowd of hectic witches and wizards, he spotted a familiar face, Williamson, one of the few Aurors that had actually been clever enough to escape the Ministry and resist the dark regime before it happened. He was also a protégé of Kingsley and was probably in a position to speak to him given the circumstances, even if they were not the closest of blokes in the past.
He grabbed the shorter man by the shoulder as he hurried by.
“Williamson.”
“Grant?” the dirty blond haired Auror exclaimed. “Is that really you?”
“No, it’s the Archbishop of Canterbury. Of course, it’s me.”
Williamson shook his head.
“Still haven’t lost that infamous sarcasm, have you Grant? It used to be a lot funnier.”
David’s patience, already on thin ice, showed signs of cracking. He had not gone traveled thousands of miles and collected numerous bounties across Europe and the U.S. to bandy words with a lesser Auror.
“You know why I’m here, Williamson. I need to speak to Kingsley.”
The man gave a haughty sigh, though similar to everyone else, he too showed signs of immense fatigue and stress.
“The Minister,” he corrected. “Is not seeing anyone at the current moment as he has quite enough on his plate. Namely, the envoys from France and the United States.”
“He can make time for me. My wife is currently locked up in a cell somewhere in this fucking hellhole and I want assurances she’s not going to be charged with anything.”
Williamson tried to tug himself out of his grip, but David was much stronger and much more seasoned than his counterpart. The former recognized this and attempted to placate him as best he could.
“For God’s sake David, let me go,” he said, shaking his shoulder away. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to your wife. And I don’t think the Minister does either.”
That evasive response got his blood boiling again. Even with Britain and shambles, red tape and bureaucracy still impeded him.
“She’s innocent,” he growled. “She was under the imperius curse and nothing she did was voluntary.”
“We can’t prove that one way or the other. She’s got the mark and is the suspect of several crimes perpetuated against muggle born families.”
David could feel himself going numb, refusing to believe that Merula ever did anything so horrific under her own willpower. It wasn’t possible. Even as young children, when she was at her worst, he never truly believed she was capable of such atrocity.
“You’re wrong….”he managed to choke out. “You’re wrong and I can prove it. I just need to see Kingsley.”
This time it was Williamson’s turn to get serious as he received a hard stare.
“Frankly, you don’t have much to stand on either. Your own conduct in this war is under scrutiny as well. We’ve received word from the American, German, and Russian governments about various undertakings that occurred under your watch. Bounties, assassinations…”
“I did what I had to,” David replied with quiet fury. “You have no right to judge me for anything, Williamson. I’ve suffered through enough, I’ve…” he barely contained the lump in his throat as thoughts of the deceased permeated through his mind, people he’d never talk to or interact with again. People he loved.
“I just want my wife back. Please, she doesn’t deserve to be treated like the rest of those monsters.”
A flicker of sympathy appeared on his colleague’s face, but it was clear from his defeated posture there was nothing he could or was willing to do.
“I’m sorry, Grant. My hands are tied. The dust hasn’t even settled at Hogwarts nor on this new Ministry and you come barging in here demanding a Death Eater be released? Not only can I not guarantee such an action, but the question of your reinstatement among the Auror office remains to be seen as well. I’m sure the Minister will see you when he has sufficient time. Until then, there’s nothing I can do.”
And with that he walked off without another word, leaving David with no prospects or immediate solutions to his problem. He was completely and truly alone.
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Quiet. Then again, this place was always quiet.
In the aftermath of his plea falling on deaf ears, David did not heed Williamson or any other Ministry official. Given the chaos surrounding Britain, there was no one to stop him from going into the Department of Mysteries, namely the room of death.
He had only been in here once. And that was in the aftermath of a massive battle between the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters over some ancient prophecy that You Know Who had desired for some reason or another (the circumstances surrounding his connection with Harry Potter were still dubious). That basically had been mop up duty and ensuring that Tonks was not too seriously hurt.
A massive lump formed in his throat at the thought of the pink haired witch, one of his best friends and partners in crime. Seeing her body- pale, cold, and fragile body on the stone floor of Hogwarts- was too much to bear. Despite Tulip’s attempts to console him, there was no consolation to be had.
David shut his eyes as silent tears rolled down.
Tonks, Fred, Talbott, Badeea, Ben….they’re all gone. They’re gone and I’ll never be able to see them again.
If there had been a stray rock or pebble, he would have flung it into the archway itself. But there was none to be had. The emptiness was symbolic of room itself, black and devoid of life. Personification of death, the lives robbed by its random cruelty. Because that’s what this was in his mind: simply cruel
Dropping to his knees, he ran his hands through his almost-shoulder length hair, the tears dripping off the stubble of his chin and onto the floor. By now the shock of the battle had well worn off and the only thing remained was the unadulterated, raw pain that marked its end. Hundreds were dead, including numerous friends and coworkers. And now his wife was essentially condemned to live out the rest of her days in prison, victim of a family legacy forced upon her.
It’s my fault, he thought to himself. I couldn’t protect her. I let her fucking manipulative, piece of shit parents get their hands on her and now our entire lives are bloody dead on arrival.
After all the fighting, after all of his efforts to find Merula and end the pestilential war that plagued the U.K. for almost twenty years, he had failed. Even with You Know Who dead, the ideology he perpetuated took a piece of himself and his life with him.
What was the point? What was there left to live for or hold onto? Merula wasn’t dead but she might as well have been- a fantasy of something that wasn’t coming back. Just like Tonks.
Like Ben….
Like Badeea…
Like Talbott….
There is no point, came the internal conclusion.
Suddenly, David felt another presence within the room. At first, he believed it to be some stuck up official who was about to order him to leave (in which case he would have been in for a rude awakening) but he found that the feeling was much different than sensing a person sneaking up behind you. No, this was…supernatural.
The presence was not one entity, rather it felt like multiple. Even more unsettling was that these entities seemed to speaking to him.
David Grant…..David Grant
It was barely more than a whisper, but it was extremely audible, as though the message was specifically designed for his ears only.
David Grant….David Grant
He looked around and realized that this voice, or voices, were coming from the mysterious archway itself. Even more mysterious, he felt drawn to it, despite his own fear.
“Who…who are you?” he said standing up walking towards the archway.
Come….Come….
“Come where? I don’t understand.”
Come see….come see….
At this point, David was so delirious, so filled with grief and emotion he didn’t even consider he might be going mad. Who were these spirits that desired to speak with him? What did they want to show him?
“Tonks?” he asked aloud, swallowing his throat. “Ben? Talbott? Grandpa? Is that you?
He reached his hand toward the shadowy, white substance that moved about within the archway, all rationality forgotten. The knowledge that this door was the veil to a world beyond life, to death itself, did not register.
I can see my friends again. Maybe I can go to a place and be with Merula again and start over. No war, no pain. Just a life worth living, a life better than this…
As the tip of his index finger touched the veil a white, hot flash blinded him as a force more powerful than he had ever experienced tore into the very soul of his being. Time and space seemed to be ripping itself apart and back again as he was plunged into an unknown cosmic channel that seemed to go faster than the speed of light, yet slower than the oldest tortoise. Just as David thought he might go mad from the insanity around him, everything went black.
Then he knew no more.
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The scent of daisies and wildflowers wafted in the air, carried by a soft breeze. The air was warm and tender as it was on a summer day in Britain. The chirping of birds signified the season and the promise it offered to all creatures.
Hazel blue eyes fluttered open.
Thinking back to what just occurred, David sat up and saw that he was in a meadow on the edge of a forest of some sort. Tall grasses partially obscured his view, and the ground itself was so soft, he almost wished to remain there. However, curiosity got the better of him.
Standing up, the scene became more familiar. This was no ordinary meadow. It was a place he and someone very dear to him had once visited during a weekend at Hogwarts. A peaceful place that had been the spot of one of the greatest moments of his life.
This is Hogwarts. Or at least the edge of the grounds.
He saw the forest, the same one he once saw Fenrir Greyback emerge from in his first year, its tall trees just as imposing as ever, though less so in daylight. To his north, was the castle itself, its massive presence right where he left it…except it wasn’t. There were no visible signs of damage to the longstanding magical institution, at least none that he could see. It was as if the Giants who had wreaked havoc with their clubs on the towers, never existed in the first place.
Frowning, David turned his gaze downward. Though the day was cloudy, visibility was still strong. The hoops of the Quidditch pitch could be seen even from this distance. Sloping all the way across the hill was Hagrid’s hut, the fire damage to its roof also gone.
“What on earth?” he muttered to himself. This couldn’t be Hogwarts, he was just there. The state of the school was a mess and the physical damage immeasurable. How could it have been gone in the span of one day? Come to think of it, how long had he actually been out for after he touched that veil?
“Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, after all,” he said aloud. “But how in the hell did I get here?”
Whatever the case, he needed to find out what exactly was going on. If a significant amount of time had passed, Merlin only knew what happened since his absence.
But before he did, another marking caught his eye, one that he was unfamiliar with. To the untrained eye, it looked like a piece of dark granite stuck in the middle of the ground, but David knew better. Whatever it was, it warranted a closer look. As Kingsley always told him- “Check every aspect of your surroundings. If something is out of the ordinary, investigate with caution and care.” As David often joked, it was his own version of ‘constant vigilance’ employed by Mad-Eye Moody. Really, it wasn’t a surprise the smooth and capable man became Minister.
Deciding to test apparation this far from the school itself, he discovered that there were no wards and saved himself the walk.
Upon closer inspection, he saw that the gray semi-obelisk was actually a monument. A monument to those who had died in the fighting against Voldemort and his forces during that fateful night. He read the inscription.
Here lies those who willingly gave their lives in the face of the greatest evil our world has yet seen. May their sacrifice never be forgotten, and their memories preserved by the love of family and friends. This monument is a tribute to them and the day of May 2nd, 1998.
David could feel goosebumps rush down his body as he glanced at the names engraved on the stone. There was at a least a hundred, which thinking back to the official dead count was about the number killed in the battle. His heart sank as the casualties remained unchanged, ‘Nymphadora Tonks’, ‘Remus Lupin’, ‘Fred Weasley’, ‘Ben Copper’, and others were all listed. Curiously, however, there were others he didn’t even recognize while some were conspicuously absent. Badeea’s name was not among the dead nor was Talbott Winger. One of the names, a man by the name of ‘Ethren Whitecross’ had the stars and stripes flag next to it, signifying he was American.
“There were no Americans at that battle as far as I know,” David said to himself. “I spent the last two weeks of the war trying to bloody well convince them not to intervene, didn’t I?”
It suddenly occurred to him, that this monument had to have been created after the epic battle and sure enough when he checked the creation date, his guess proved to correct.
“Commemorated September 1st, 1998,” he said. “Paid for by the Board of Governors with the consent of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall.”
David almost had to sit down again and suddenly felt very disoriented.
I’m…I’m in the future, he realized. But how is this possible? Has such a thing ever been confirmed?
Sure, there were stories, but they were usually old wives tales, legends that carried no bearing on reality. Though time turners technically had the ability to send someone back in time, they were all destroyed three years prior and besides, it could only send you to the maximum of thirty-six hours back in time not forward.
There was no question, he needed answers. And the sooner he received them the better. What year was it? Were people wondering where he went? What was the state of the Ministry? Was Kingsley still in charge? Were the Death Eaters given trial or executed? His stomach then dropped a few notches.
Merula
Above all else, the fate of his wife was the most important aspect of this investigation. If something had happened to her without him there to defend her honor…well he didn’t want to think about that just yet.
“She’d come and find me no matter where she was and tear my ear off,” he said with a dry chuckle.
Wasting no more time, David decided to visit the Ministry first. They would surely hold the records and documents about all trials, prisoners, and even the status of current, ex, or retired Aurors. People might be shocked or incredulous to see him barge in randomly, but it was worth a shot.
Making sure he maintained the necessary distance from the wards, David apparated away and in a flash was gone.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Unbeknownst to everyone aside from the Minister and the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, there was a secret entrance to the Auror Office in a random pay phone booth in Manchester. As part of their training and oath, they were not allowed to use it except in cases of extreme emergency such as an attack or during a war. And though David’s situation didn’t qualify under either circumstance, he figured that going missing for God knows how long and not knowing what happened was enough of an excuse. Besides, if Tonks didn’t get caught for sneaking a whole case of beer during training, it was a safe bet no one would give him grief over this either.
Trying not to think about Tonks and making sure no muggles were looking, David stepped into the booth, awaiting to be transported to the main Auror office. It was quite a simple process. The old muggle machine had been charmed to recognize the magical signature of any law enforcement officer in its ranks. All you had to do was place your wand in the tray, say aloud your name and you’d be whisked away to the halls of the Aurors.
David did just that, as he could feel the magical sensors checking him over including multiple dark detectors.
“David John Grant,” he said, showing his badge.
However, instead of finding himself inside the Ministry in the next second, a wave of green slime appeared out of nowhere, drenching him from head to toe in a disgusting ooze.
“ACK! What the f-”
He quickly exited the booth to the curious glances of some muggle onlookers, who were no doubt attracted by the minor commotion. Giving them all a quick smile and a wave, David ducked behind one of the brick buildings the city was known for, cursing himself and the booth.
A few cleaning charms later, there was little trace of the substance on him (save for his vans) but the incident only brought more questions. Why had the secret entrance denied him? Technically speaking, he hadn’t officially resigned from the Aurors when he went into hiding and took up being a vigilante. His magical signature and badge should have been more than enough to avoid the pitfall of having that odious slime dropped all over him. It was merely a safeguard against dark wizards, but it also revealed something else.
Whatever the reason, the Ministry no longer recognized his credentials. That in itself was an ominous sign. If he wanted answers, he would have to go about it the old fashioned way.
Ensuring no one was peering into the alley, David apparated out of sight once more.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
One trip to London and a red phone booth later, David was finally inside the Ministry. Walking down the sleek, marble halls, it was almost exactly as he had remembered- the same statues, same fountain, same amounts of flying memos zooming in and out of their respective stations. The hustle and bustle was back and there was no sign of any damage from the war.
If the Ministry looks this good, it must be a fairly long time since the last battle.
Even more promising was the person sitting at the front entrance desk. David recognized those dark features and orange sideburns anywhere: Talbott Winger. He was wearing the blue robes most Aurors did while on duty and that was also a good sign. He, Tonks, and Talbott were the last ones accepted for mentorship in 1991 which meant he would know just what the hell was going on.
He was just about to greet his old friend, until he stopped dead in his tracks, recalling the monument and how Talbott’s name wasn’t on the list of the fallen. Seeing him alive and well at the Ministry all but confirmed this was the case. But this only brought more confusion to David’s already very bamboozled mind.
He died during the battle. I witnessed it with my own eyes. So if this is the future, how can he still be alive?
None of this was making any sense at all. Nevertheless, David knew that he had to try and do something to figure this mess out. Though naturally reserved, Talbott did not hesitate to help the rare few he called ‘friend’. Perhaps he could provide some assistance, whatever the reason for this madness.
“Hey, Talbott.”
The ebony skinned wizard looked up, his sharp eyes penetrating him like the hawk of his animagus form.
“Can I help you?” he asked, his voice betraying no hint of recognition.
David rolled his eyes playfully as he leaned on the desk.
“Come on, mate. Quite having me on. It’s Dave.”
An awkward silence followed as he sought to clarify.
“David Grant.”
Again, the name did not compute as Talbott merely gaze a polite look of bewilderment.
“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.”
Okay, now this was definitely getting weird. How did Talbott, even if he was somehow not dead, not even know who he was?
“Talbott, I’m your friend. David Grant. We went to Hogwarts together. I helped you find your lost necklace that your mother gave you.”
That statement lit up the dark, brown eyes of the animagus though it was not out of familiarity, rather the emotion seemed to be pain and shock.
“I don’t know how you know about that, but I can assure you, you were not the one to help me find my necklace nor did I attend Hogwarts with you. Now, is there something I can help you with?”
David was practically reeling. How was it possible that the man he had gone through so much with didn’t even so much as recognize him? It didn’t make sense. Nothing about this made sense.
Alright, at the very least, I can get in here, find my old office and pour through some old files. I’m sure whoever’s in charge now can clear this up.
“Yeah…uh…I’m an Auror,” he said showing his badge. “Listen, I’ve been gone awhile for reasons you wouldn’t believe anyway but I just need to get to my old office and talk to someone. Is that possible at least?”
“Give me your badge and wand.”
Short and to the point, no time for idle chit chat. That was Talbott alright, which made the situation all the more disconcerting.
Talbott took his items and examined them, muttering a few standard identification and security spells, before getting up from his chair.
“One moment, please.”
David raised an eyebrow but didn’t object. Though he didn’t know why a simple identification spell required going into a backroom, he was sure whatever issue popped up would be cleared soon enough. After what seemed like half an hour (it was only ten minutes, but it seemed longer), Talbott returned and handed his wand and badge back to him.
“I’m not quite sure what the issue is, sir. But there’s no record of any David Grant of having worked for the Auror Department, or any other Ministry job for that matter.”
The twenty five year old leaned forward slightly, as if not hearing him correctly.
“I’m sorry what?”
“Your badge is authentic but there’s no employment history of anybody with your name here. When I applied more tests to your wand, it didn’t match any current witch or wizard in the entirety of the United Kingdom, nor anything ever sold from Ollivanders.”
This time the confusion was shared by both men, as David looked incredulously at his wand and badge as though he no longer knew what they were, while Talbott appeared to be a cross between dumbfounded and even a tad sympathetic.
“Nothing at all? No David, or John Grant or anyone with that name?”
“Nothing. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never seen anything like this before. I want to believe you. But as far as the government is concerned, you don’t exist.”
David let those words hit him a few times before even contemplating a course of action.
As far as the government is concerned, you don’t exist
You don’t exist…
You don’t exist….
“I-I don’t understand,” he finally spoke aloud.
“Neither do I,” Talbott affirmed. “But unfortunately, I can’t let you in the Ministry at this time. I’m sorry.”
David didn’t even bother to argue the point. It seemed as though every time he found a simple method to answer his questions, the end result would just add more to his ‘to-do’ list. The revelation that the British Ministry held no record of anyone with his name was the icing on the cake.
“Well…uh…thank you anyway.”
Turning around to leave, there was one more question burning on David’s mind, one that he was sure even this version of Talbott wouldn’t mind revealing.
“Would you at least mind telling me this? What day and year is it?”
Talbott gave him a questioning look but gave him a straight answer.
“May 4th, 1999,” he answered.
So a whole year has passed? That explains why the war damage has been fixed. But not everything else. Including my own status as living, breathing person.
Then he noticed something else. A small pin attached to the front of Talbott’s Auror robes. Upon closer inspection, he saw it was an American Flag, the second one he had seen today.
“I beg your pardon but why do you have a lapel of the United States flag?”
“Full of questions, aren’t we? It’s a commemoration.”
David didn’t understand but then again what else was new. He needed to ask for more.
“What does America have to do with the commemoration of the end of the war?”
There was no mistaking the obvious look of pain and sorrow on Talbott’s face this time. So distraught that look was, he shifted his gaze to the side.
“The citizens of the United Kingdom weren’t the only ones who gave up their lives in order to stop You Know Who.”
It was there that David ceased, prudently unwilling to press the matter further. Talbott wasn’t going to speak more on the subject anyway and to do so would have been inappropriate anyway.
“Thank you for your help, good day.”
David didn’t turn to witness Talbott’s reaction. He had seen enough. From being thrusted a year forward in time, to seeing an old friend alive, right down to his own seemingly non-existence, this whole scenario was becoming positively ridiculous. And if he couldn’t find information at the Ministry there was another source he could turn to.
It was a time for a trip to Diagon Alley.
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